Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's
right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two
Douchebags and a Microphone, live from the historic
river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
but only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.
Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio
in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap
studio from Extreme Southern Tent for the Kansas
City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's
grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they
throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're
happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself
off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's
a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need
rolling papers. Well, since you're here, let's
get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.
All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic
thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to download every podcast.
I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all
friends, family members and workmates download
this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to
grab idle computers, work computers, friends
computers, community computers and other assorted
phones and listening devices and download the
show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will
download the show. and constantly barrage everyone
with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and
scream the show's name from my front yard. And
finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,
we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,
Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you
go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's
a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two
Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind
our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume
we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will
lie if it makes the story better. Two Douchebags
and a Microphone. Hey, peeps. It's time for the
police blotter. That's right stories about stupid
criminals and the dumbassness that ensued. Let
us begin now. Dean Young, 26, entered a parked
landscaping van in Hialeah, Florida, allegedly
to steal the tools in the inside. He accidentally
locked himself inside the van and begins screaming
for someone to let him out. The landscapers heard
the man's screams and promptly called the police
where he was arrested for breaking and entering
a vehicle and for attempted theft. This guy gets
a stupid pendant pronto. Sir, I see your qualifications
here. May I ask some further questions that could
help me determine your employment eligibility?
Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,
we have a large population of different ethnic
backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by
chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why
you need that kind of information, but, well,
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered
it experimental. Have you ever wondered what
something came about? Have you ever looked at
something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin
of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give
you The Origin of. The Origin of Velcro. George
D. Mestral found inspiration in his most famous
invention in those annoying little burrs that
can get stuck to your clothing after a walk in
the woods. They came from the burdock plant,
and when D. Mestral put them under a microscope,
he realized that they made use of little tiny
hooks on the surface of the burr to grab onto
whatever passes by. Hey, good kid. No one gives
an ounce of shit what you had for breakfast.
Not even the person on the other end. You look
like a mentally slow driv yelling into thin air
all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth
shorts out and blows up your eardrums. What men
consider self -centered dunce. Bonnie constantly
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look
back home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably
forgot the thieving because you're too busy looking
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. Hey, my fellow
heavy breathers, this is Dash Riptide, your music
news. Legendary guitarist Zach Wilde unretires
the Grail, the 1981 Gibbs and Les Paul for the
new Ozzy Osbourne tribute track. You know this
guitar. It's the bullseye Les Paul he made famous
in the first few years of joining Ozzy. The Grail,
as the guitar is known as, Zach is unretiring
the beauty for a tribute track saluting the Prince
of Darkness. No word on when or how the song
will hit the public. We will keep you posted.
This is Gash Ruktine, and that was your music
news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear
damage, just like me. Here we go. Okay. All right.
This is Two Douchebags and Microphone, alternate
universe edition. A never -ending series. Never
-ending series. You know, I have to go into this
because we won another award, Topher. We did.
I heard that we were nominated for this one,
and I'm really impressed that we got this one.
This is awesome. Yeah, I am too. I couldn't believe
it. Out of all the people, all the podcasts,
if they could have... you know, gave the award
to, we actually got it. Yeah. I mean, millions
of them, and we actually won it. Yeah, this was
a worldwide category. Oh, yeah, very much so.
Crazy, because this is a very prestigious, best
low -volume outdoor left -handed podcast among
people who left their home early in the morning
while humming the Frasier theme song wearing
their large rubber gloves. Yeah. And that is
one, I mean... And that's a... That's an audience
we've been chasing since the beginning. Oh, I
know. That was our key demographic. Yeah. They
download podcasts. They download a lot of podcasts.
Oh, they do. Yeah. Something about the rubber
gloves and all that. Yeah. And then the left
-handed and singing the Frasier theme song. Frasier
theme song. Yeah. There aren't all that many
left -handed podcasts out there. No, there isn't.
That's right. Thank you. So the pictures will
ensue here. Appreciate it. Move my coffee over
this way. There we go. It's a little chilly down
here this morning. I think this coffee is going
to help immensely. I want coffee. I want more
coffee. So, kind of a... cloudy, foggy, gloomy
kind of day. I think they're running some sort
of weather experiment today. Yeah, they said
they're going to. Yeah, because you notice the
fog kind of smells like battery acid and stale
broccoli, doesn't it? Yeah, I normally like that
smell, but today, I don't know. Yeah, it's just
a little off. It's a little weird. Oh, those
are yours. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Oh,
a knacker. Oh, a knacker. Mmm. Fried pickle.
Mmm. Hey, we could do a spontaneous little segment
here. Guess what? We're eating. Oh, yeah, yeah.
So, sorry, we're both starved, so, you know.
Podcast come second. All righty, then. Well,
I've got a few interesting stories I hope you'll
find interesting. All right, go ahead, and I'm
going to try to post our very prestigious award.
Okay. I found an interesting article that talked
about which cars Missourians love. Oh, I like
it. And I learned that there are more cars than
adults in the state of Missouri. I believe it.
They're all on cinder blocks. It says more than
5 million cars, trucks, and SUVs registered in
Missouri, according to a January report from
the Missouri Department of Revenue. But only
4 .8 million people over the age of 18 call Missouri
home. So there are 200 ,000 more cars than adults.
All on cinder blocks. All on cinder blocks. Wow.
Now, we have thousands of Hondas and Hummers
and Mazdas and Mini Coupers and all those various
times. But there's some really interesting and
unique vehicles registered in Missouri. Okay.
There is a grand total of one. Mini Cooper truck
registered in Missouri. Okay, did you know there
was such a thing? I didn't even know there was
such a thing. I didn't either. It's probably
been one or two years. Now, it could be a Wings
Team custom truck that was designed to advertise
Red Bull. Oh, okay. Or it could be the teeny
tiny 11 -foot long Mini Pickup. Ah, okay. Yeah,
they're not sure. Okay. As far as three -wheeled
vehicles, you can find 10 tricycles listed as
Vespa. Three -wheeled Vespas. I had no idea Vespa
made a three -wheeler. Me neither. Maybe it's
a custom job. I don't know. I mean, why would
you need a three -wheeled Vespa? I wouldn't think
so. I mean, that's basically a glorified minibike.
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. As far as Tesla's politically
charged electric vehicle, the Cybertruck, there
are 564 Tesla trucks registered in the state.
Wow. In addition, there are 611 Volkswagen trucks
listed in the state. The German manufacturer
cooked up a number of the unique -looking trucks
over the years, including the one that looks
like a truck bed stuck onto a VW bus front end.
I remember seeing a few of those. I think I did,
too. Yeah. But Missouri primarily loves American
cars, specifically Ford and Chevrolet. Japan
has a distant third. Between Ford and Chevrolet,
that's more than a third of the cars in the state.
That's quite a bit. That is. Now, they listed
the top ten as far as number of vehicles registered,
but they split up some vehicles by the same manufacturer.
Which is weird because they have Chevrolet and
they have GMC. Okay. And they have Jeep and they
have Dodge. Those are both made by the same company.
Yeah, that is weird why they did that. I'll read
the top ten and then I'll combine them and do
the... Okay, that'll work. Okay. So number one
is Ford with 988 ,500 vehicles. Number two is
Chevy with 902 ,600. Uh -huh. Third is Toyota
with 466 ,000. Number four is Honda, $310 ,000.
GMC with $266 ,000. Nissan with $248 ,000. Jeep,
$241 ,000. Dodge, $236 ,000. I thought there
had been more Jeeps. I would too. Kia, $156 ,000.
Hyundai, $143 ,000. Now if you go back and you
add together the ones that are by the same company.
You come up with General Motors first with $1
,169 ,000. Ford second with $988 ,000. Stellantis
third with $478 ,000. Really? So that's Dodge
and Jeep. Oh, all of them together. Gotcha. Okay.
Toyota's still fourth. With $466 ,000. Honda
fifth. Then Hyundai and Kia together move up
from ninth to sixth with $299 ,000. And then
that puts Nissan in last place. Wow. I didn't
think Nissan would be in last place. I see so
many of them, but okay. I wish I could find another
version of this list where they added together
Ford plus Lincoln. chevy plus cadillac plus gmc
plus buick etc etc i mean add together all the
brands coming out of that manufacturer so i would
like to see a better better vision of this but
i have a feeling that this one was designed to
put ford number one yeah probably yeah they probably
paid for it now as far as motorcycles harley
-davidson is number one with 53 500. Honda's
number two with $18 ,700. Kawasaki third with
$9 ,500. Yamaha fourth with $8 ,300. And Suzuki
didn't last with $4 ,800. Okay. And then you'll
have brands like Ducati, Triumph, Indian, etc.
that they left off the list because they weren't
so bad. Okay. Was that it? That's it on that
one. Okay. I'm still posting this. I'm sorry
I've been listening and answering. Here's an
update on the Paramount and Warner Discovery.
They're trying to buy it. They're competing with
Netflix. Well, Paramount has won its bid. Netflix
is out. So Paramount has acquired Warner Brothers
Discovery for... $108 million in cash, plus a
bunch of other stuff. And now Paramount is announcing
that Paramount Plus and HBO Max will merge into
a single streaming service. Really? Yeah. Now,
I tried to get more information on that, but
it was locked behind a paywall. I would have
had to subscribe to the news service to get any
more information, and I ain't doing that. Don't
blame me. I wouldn't either. Yeah. So I guess
the good news is if you subscribe to both, now
you're going to have an under one payment. No,
that's true. It'll probably cost you just as
much to have access to the same amount of material.
Companies don't merge like that just to save
you money. It's not like the last reason they
do it. Yeah. Hang on, I'm almost done here. You
ready? Sorry, that was such a prestigious award
I had to get right after. People need to know.
We definitely wanted to capitalize on that. Definitely.
That is actually great publicity, winning something
like that. Yeah, yeah. All right. I have an AI
list. Yeah, I've been doing this thing about...
asking ai stuff you know stupid questions oh
yeah and then telling you their answer but we've
been quite surprised by the answers all the lists
they gave us so far have been solid wow trying
to lull us into a false sense of security well
uh let's see what was the list i did last week
um oh bad products or something yeah Yeah, they
are. They're lulling us into false sense of security,
I guarantee you. This is an AI parody list of
how to tell people they're stupid without actually
tipping your hat. That's a good plan. They'll
be too stupid to understand. You're calling them
stupid. All right. So this is a list that AI
gave me. I've got to admit, this, again, is pretty
good. The first one is, after consulting my internal
paper review board, Wow, that was exciting. Are
they still moving it? Yeah. I might just want
to hit pause. All right, we're back. We're going
to risk it. Okay. After consulting my internal
peer review board, their hypothesis appears statistically
unsupported. That one was really good because
it was kind of nice, but then again, pretty much
calling you stupid. Pretty much. Yep. The next
one is, I admire your optimism. The facts, however,
have politely declined to participate. I love
that one. That's awesome. It is. How do you answer
that? No kidding. Okay. The next one that it
gave me, an AI parody list of how to tell someone
they're stupid. Without them really realizing,
you just call them stupid. The next one is, your
logic has failed for an extension and will return
when it's feeling more coherent. I like that
one. Filed for an extension. I love that. Oh
my gosh. Next one is, I'd like to commend you
on your creativity, accuracy, meanwhile, set
regrets. That one was flat. I liked it. Next
one, you've achieved a rare form of conceptual
minimalism. Very little of the concept remains.
And they're not all gems, but they're all decent,
you know. Yeah. Your argument is like a software
beta full of interesting bugs. Well, that one
was good. Yeah. Yeah, I think everyone old enough
has realized, has done that, yeah. Yeah. Has
had an issue like that in their path. If confidence
were evident, if confidence were evidence, you'd
have a mountain. Actual proof, on the other hand,
is still a molehill. That might be my favorite.
As of right now, that's probably my favorite.
Brilliant enthusiasm, questionable data. Recommend
rerun with fewer assumptions. Yep. That one is
good. Have you heard that one before or not?
It's similar to one I've heard where you tell
the person... You're very passionate about what
you believe, but you're not convincing. Oh, I
love that. Yeah. I love that. So AI does plagiarize.
Yeah. Oh, wait, we knew that. Oh, yeah. The next
one, your point brought flair to the conversation.
Truth, however, RSVP'd? No. That's good. That's
really good. That's pretty much like... Nobody
fucking wanted it and it was wrong anyhow. Consider
this a general cognitive audit. Several line
items require clarification. That one was blunt.
I liked it. And then finally, I'm placing your
thought in the experimental folder. Results pending
further testing. Chatbot AI, thank you. There
should be a way to something like, what a unique
interpretation of the events. I don't think anyone
else on the planet has come up with this exact
interpretation of what's going on. I love that
because if you're questioned, you go, I didn't
say anything bad. No. I don't know what you're
talking about. I just called you original in
your thing. Yeah. You got a problem with it?
Okay, do you want to go into any type of football
and specifically Chiefs? Okay, we got a few things
that came up besides the draft. So the first
thing is Jawan Taylor was cut. The number 74
is now available again on the Chiefs. Good. Who
was the one that went to Cincinnati, wanted to
go left? Was that Eric Fisher? No, that was a
check. I know what you're talking about, but
I can't think of it. Yeah, well, our problems
began with him leaving. Yeah, I remember that.
And then Jawan Taylor has not been a suitable
replacement. No. So, what are your thoughts on
that? It needed to happen. Absolutely needed
to happen. We saved 20 million people. Yeah.
Not people. I was reading this thing on people
here. We saved $20 million. Yeah. He... He was
horrible in crucial situations as a problem.
Day -to -day, yeah, he made a few penalties.
You could probably get over that day -to -day.
But the problem is his key play, when it really
counted, was subpar. So I believe that they could
probably either address this in free agency with
the same amount of money and upgrade, or they
could do this as a draft pick. And I think it
widely depends on who's available. So, well,
I can't find the actual sheet I had of all the
stuff, of the transactions. There's only like
four of them that we're going to go over. So
it's not that big a deal. And actually, it can
wait until next. Oh, yeah, okay. Another thing
is, is Travis Kelsey supposedly has a huge contract
offer, not from the Chiefs, not from any other
NFL team, but from the boot. All bad. The booth
wants him in their bed because he's going to
be talking about Tay -Tay. And they want him
now because the timing's perfect with the upcoming
wedding. He's hot. Next year, maybe he won't
be so hot. They want him right now. Him and his
agent are thinking about that, and Taylor, too.
Yeah. Yeah, I figure it's going to come down
to what's best for the combined Travis Kelsey,
Taylor Swift. business going forward that's going
to drive the decision now that he's getting married
it's not just him yeah they're both making this
decision so i'm going to say that like this new
offer supposedly if it's true is going to get
a help a lot of consideration for a couple of
things number one the money i don't think that
worried about yeah i think what they're worried
about is his health oh yeah So, in my opinion,
as much as I want him back, why wouldn't you
go ahead and say, it's cool. Yeah. You've got
Super Bowl rings. You've got respect. You're
going into the Hall of Fame. You might be the
greatest tight end ever. If not, you're definitely
in the conversation. He's one bad kid away from
never being able to walk properly and run with
his kids. He's one bad concussion away from.
not being fully mentally there for his wife and
his kids. You got to think about that. You really
do. Yeah, you do. And also, I'm more than sure
that they want children. Uncle Trab is a very
popular person amongst his brother and sister
-in -law. So obviously he loves children. I'm
pretty sure he wants children. And I'm pretty
sure Taylor probably does too. And so they also
have to coordinate all this. You know, they have
to be like, okay, you're getting ready to do
your tour, but when are we going to have these
children? Yeah. So all of this, I think, is very
contingent on exactly, you know, how many more
years you're going to go about doing what you're
doing. So I'm kind of thinking, I mean, as much
as we would love to see him killing birds, as
much as we'd love to see him back, I'm kind of
leaning towards it's not going to happen now.
Yeah, I would fully understand. And I would have
absolutely no ill will feelings if he decided
to hang it up. No, I wouldn't either. And also,
if we were like just friends and he came up and
said, Mark, you know, I'm really not sure what
to do. My advice would be for him to retire.
Mine too. Yeah, not being selfish. You know,
not wanting another ring and all that stuff.
Person to person caring about him. I'd have to
say, dude. Yeah. Go on. Especially since. It's
no longer the situation where you make it to
the NFL and you're starring in the NFL and that's
what sets you up with all your wealth for life.
No, this is just another stepping stone. There's
a crap ton more money to be made. Kelsey's going
to be like The Rock. The Rock did really well
in wrestling, but nothing compared to how well
he did in movies. Yeah, wrestling was his springboard.
And for Kelsey, the NFL is definitely his springboard.
And he's got the potential to make a crap ton
of money. with his brother, with Taylor, by himself,
just all sorts of ways. But if he gets banged
in the head and can't talk right, all of that
goes away. Yes. All of that. It's just a stupid
risk. Yeah, so I'm kind of thinking that he's
not going to. I mean, you know, we'll see. I
mean, sometimes the will and the want to win
another Super Bowl, to be with your buddies,
I mean, we can't. You can't stress enough about
how that camaraderie and how you love those people
you're in the locker room with. Yeah. And it
would definitely take a hell of an adjustment
to be, you know, to just be like, okay, I'm willing
to give all that up. Yeah. Because, I mean, there's
also the thing of not being with your friends,
not being on the road with them, not being at
home, you know, at home games with them, missing
the crowd, all that stuff. So it's not going
to be easy. We kind of make it sound like it's
a no -brainer, but no. No, he's been involved
in football heavily in a year -round basis basically
since he was a little kid. Yeah. And now he's
got to live in a different world. That's going
to be tough. It's going to be scary. Yeah. So,
anyhow, we wish him the best. I mean, I don't
know what else to say about that. I mean, there's
a lot to consider, and that's what we're saying
right here. But, yeah, that whole offer thing
that I read, I'm like, wow. That changes everything.
It really does. Because I didn't know they actually
came out with it. I'm assuming the story is true.
Yeah. I looked it up. I found nothing that contradicts
it that says, no, that's not true or anything
like that. Yeah. And I think it was Fox, which
is interesting because they're going to put him
with Tom Brady and the other guy. Wow. Or is
he going to be on the field analyst? Oh, you
know, they might break him in for a year on the
sideline. That's what I'm wondering, too. Hobnobbing
with his, you know, former teammates and guys
he knows well. Yeah, I could see them putting
him right down there in the thick of things for
the first year. I want to see him punch Gronk
in the dick. Yeah. I mean, not mean, just do
it. Just walk up, hey, Gronk, what's up? Oh,
you got me, you bastard. Give him a towel flick.
Oh, yeah. So, anyhow, I have some draft stuff
here, but, I mean, we can go into something you
want to do. This is the alternate universe, so
we can break it up. It doesn't have to be all
sports all the way through. Well, I had an interesting...
Interesting video crossed my path. Recently,
the CEO of McDonald's, a guy named Chris Kempzinski,
went viral on social media after appearing deeply
unenthusiastic about eating one of his own burgers.
In the video Kempzinski posted on February 3rd,
2026 to Instagram, the CEO filmed himself eating
the new Big Arch burger. After introducing the
burger and reassuring viewers that he would be
eating it for his lunch later, Kim Zizzi opened
the box and said, holy cow, with seeming excitement.
However, that excitement was short -lived as
he tried to remember all the ingredients went
into the burger and called it a product instead
of food or a meal or a sandwich or a burger.
He called it product. That was very well thought
of. Gosh, that was like... He grabbed the ball
from the quarterback and promptly fell down.
Yep. Wow. He's letting us know that at the corporate
level, it's not even considered food. It's just
the thing they sell to make money. Which is very
scary. Think about that. It's just like, what
did you put in this product? Yep. Oh, this red
pink slime or whatever. Remember that stuff?
I don't know if they still do that. It's like
the guy from Campbell's Soup the other day that
was ranting about, I don't eat Campbell's Soup.
That's poor people food. You think I'm eating
a can of shit with like 3D printed chicken in
it? I eat real food, not this crap. The cluelessness
of corporate America. Oh. Anyway, so while he
technically did eat a bite of the burger, he
barely committed to it. He took a tiny bite,
a little bit of the top bun, maybe a little bit
of the meat, and a little bit of the bottom bun.
And he seemed to have a moment of realization
of what he was tasting before suddenly switching
to nodding and excitedly describing as what he
just ate as a big bite for the Big Arch. So he
took a bite. You could see it on his face. Oh,
God, this is shit. And then he just switched
on the acting mode. I remind everybody, he knows
what's in this. He knows what's in it. Now, others
focused on the word choice. One commenter on
social media wrote, when the CEO calls it product
instead of food, you know it's got less nutritional
value than the napkin. Yes. And some users went
further explaining that this was the best possible
McDonald's burger they could provide for the
video. NickTopG tweeted, even crazier when you
think that this was made in McDonald's headquarters
by corporate chefs. This burger, I mean product,
is worlds better than anything you would ever
get at an actual McDonald's and he still wanted
nothing to do with it. And perhaps the sharpest
summary came from... Another viewer who wrote,
watching the McDonald's CEO tentatively nibble
on the Big Arch like it's a radioactive artifact
from the dollar menu, calling it product instead
of food, is the most unintentionally hilarious
endorsement fail since New Coke. Oh, that's getting
below the belt. There was never a bigger flop
in America than New Coke. But the weird thing
is they didn't have to put this video out. They
didn't have to make it. They didn't have to put
it out. They didn't have to leave it up there
for all this time for it to become a viral sensation.
Just the total disconnect from corporate culture
versus the real world is stunning. Oh, it is.
And then before we get done, I want to make a
comment about New Coke. Hey, thank you. Oh, yeah,
doing great. Hey, you guys got any specials or
anything going on? Same specials that we were
rolling before, the red velvet and the cherry
cheesecake. Okay, good. Yeah, we'll probably
keep it until late spring, early summer, and
start this time with specials. That's a sandwich
with their pickled red cabbage. The barbecue
beef sandwich. Oh, that was so good. Fried onion
ring on it, sweet baby raisin. Oh, is that sweet
baby raisin? Okay, man, that is so good. Then
we got the corned beef breakfast sandwich. Oh,
yeah? It's on everything bagel. It's got sliced
corned beef and a fried egg on it. That's really
good. And it's just called the corned beef breakfast
sandwich. All right. We get hungry. I might order
one. We'll see. All right. Thank you. New Coke.
Oh, okay. New Coke. Actually, that wasn't a flop.
And let me explain. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was deliberately
designed to do that. Yep. Coca -Cola new. that
they sold 10 times more than Pepsi or anything
else. They are the king of all beverages, without
a doubt. They knew this. They know that they
have all these people that love it. And they
know that even though someone might go to Pepsi
temporarily because they think that they like
it better because of the challenge and all that,
it doesn't matter. It does not matter because
they knew that if they took it away, there would
be outrage. And there was. They're like, oh,
Pepsi got us. We're taking it away. And then
they came out with New Coke, which was horrible.
And the world went ballistic. Yep. There were
people screaming, bring us back a New Coke. There
were death threats to the CEO. Yes. Actual death
threats. Yes. So, I mean, I know everybody views
it as a flop. That was one of the most brilliant
marketing campaigns ever. They took what would
have been the most brilliant marketing campaign
ever with a Pepsi challenge and turned it around
and made it to their best marketing campaign
ever. Yeah, I remember at the time there was
some speculation that Coke had bought a batch
of really foul -tasting ingredients. and they
needed a way to use it up, so they invented new
Coke to explain why their Coke tasted different
so they could use up this product. I read that
too. But it makes more sense that the whole thing
was designed to show people, do you really want
Pepsi? Because if you do, we're going to take
Coke away, and now what do you want? And that's
why I went ahead and looked that up, was because
of what you just said. Yeah. I read like it was,
I read that. I also read they had some sort of
a toxic chemical in there that they had to get
rid of that they didn't necessarily have listed
in the ingredients. And I'm not saying any of
this is true, and I really doubt it, but they
needed to get rid of it. And so they either goaded
Pepsi into doing that by saying there's no way,
you guys will never win, or they paid them. Yeah.
And either one, I don't see. I really don't believe
that's true. But I think it's as simple as that.
It's like, take it away, like you said. Take
it away and go, yep, you guys convinced us. Yep.
I remember a line from a song where the singer
said, if you can't live with it, let's see if
you can live without it. And I think that's what
Coke did. That is what they did. It was like,
oh, you want to switch to Pepsi? You think Pepsi's
cool? All right. Now Pepsi's your only girlfriend.
See how you like it. Yeah, yeah. See now. Yep.
We'll be back to your old mistress in no time.
They were too. Yep. And if you're younger and
you don't realize what we're talking about, just
look up the Pepsi Challenge. Yep. So, all right.
You got anything else on here? Or you got something
else you want to go into? I've got a... Let's
see. There's a couple things that could qualify
as music. If we wanted to save it to there. Okay,
well. Yeah. I've got one on StubHub. Oh, excellent.
They fined a guy $3 ,000. For having a stub?
Yes. Oh, okay. In his hub. Oh. Yeah, I'm not
sure how that works, but he did it. So, okay,
StubHub, they fined a man. They gave him a huge
fine, more than $3 ,000, after uploading tickets.
disappeared. He uploaded the tickets and he did
it wrong. So it disappeared. Resell Giant blames
ticket transfer rules and reimburses customer
after no public inquiries but not until people
went to them and said hey this is bullshit man
you stole this money from this guy because he
allegedly did it wrong. So it sounds to me like
I wasn't there, but it sounds to me like they
refused to refund his money, and then people
found out about it, and they went public and
started telling everybody. Because let's face
it, StubHub, I hate them. They are, in my opinion,
a horrible fucking company that rips people off.
Their reason for existence is to steal from you,
and they just barely pretend to be a legitimate
business. Yeah, it's bullshit, and they've been
investigated millions of times. As a matter of
fact, they're in another lawsuit right now, and
they know this. They don't care. It's time to
realize they started as a crooked business, and
they've been a crooked business all along, and
they're going to keep going until they all get
prosecuted or legislated out of business. But
if you do business with StubHub, I don't think
that's a very good choice. I don't either. And
case in point is that the concert industry is
contingent on how many tickets are sold. So nothing's
guaranteed. StubHub knows this. And they know
that they're going to get your money by doing
stuff like, oh, this thing's almost sold out.
Only a couple of tickets left. Come and get it
right now. Oh, boy, this thing is selling fast.
So everybody runs out and gets the tickets, but
it wasn't selling, which is bullshit. The government
needs to look into that, too. It wasn't selling.
It didn't sell enough. It gets canceled. Then
they should give your money back, right? Well,
they don't. It's credit. They know this. And
I urge anybody that don't do business with companies
like this, let them go under. I think eventually
there will come a class action lawsuit where
businesses like this are going to get taken to
court because what they're doing is basically
using us as crowdfunding. Yes. For business ventures,
and they're lying to us about a concert and tickets.
Yeah. But the whole intent was to get our money,
keep our money. I think it would be proven, too,
by the body of work that they've done and how
they've done it. A longtime Formula One race
fan, Paul Mann, was in a bind. The Oakville,
Ontario man had snapped up nine three -day passes
for the 2025 Canadian Grand Prix, $840 each.
Wow. Yeah. They had to opt out because his wife
broke her leg skiing. And then everybody else
that was going with him backed out because they
wanted everybody to go probably, I guess, or
whatever. So he was holding seven pricely passes
that he couldn't use. So the only option is to
sell them. I mean, that's a lot of money. If
it's like $30 a piece or something, I could see
being like, well, all right, it's a loss, whatever.
But this right here, $3 ,000. So he turned to
StubHub to sell them. The ticket resale giant
already had other Formula One tickets listed
and marked it as a safe middleman for buyers
and sellers. It's fan protect guarantee is the
promise that they give you. And as long as the
users, this is what they said about this guy
here, this Mr. Man. They said, as long as the
users follow the rules. Okay, so this is their...
get out clause until people raised hell. It is
a big ticket reseller, most common name out there
for ticket reselling, unfortunately. Mann told
GoPublic, it seemed like the best choice and
honestly the safest choice. I get that. Mann
did exactly what StubHub told him to do, uploading
the tickets to the site as directed. But when
they sold, the money didn't come. Instead of
getting the more than $6 ,000 he was owed, StubHub
refused to pay and then hit him with an additional
$3 ,200 in penalties. Greedy. Yeah. Accusing
him of failing to deliver the tickets he'd already
uploaded to the site. Oh my. Isn't that fucked
up? Yeah. I was shocked he said, something that
should be simple turned out to be unreliable
and so difficult to resolve. I agree with that.
All he should have had to have done was went
to him and said, hey, I sold these tickets and
you never gave me the money. It was a misunderstanding.
Give me my money. But no, they had to argue with
him and he had to go to this GoPublic forum to
get him to do what was right. Man's experience
reveals problems with third -party ticket platforms
and transfer restrictions. Buried in the fine
print. See, this is how they get you. They go,
well, it's all in there. Oh, you mean the 30
pages? Yeah, it's in there. That you can't even
understand even if you did read it? Yes. Lawyers
do that on purpose. Yeah. Fucking bloodsucker.
Okay, that can lead to tickets being cancelled,
says Evan Light, an associate professor at the
University of Toronto who studies digital platforms.
Live revealed StubHub's global user agreement.
for go public the noted language stated that
a company does not guarantee the existence quality
safety or legality legality of tickets so they
could sell you they could sell you fake tickets
straight up counterfeit and say hey we told you
it's in the 30 pages they uh they absolve themselves
from any responsibility for anything he said
the text is quite amazing on this thing wow After
being contacted by Co -Public, StubHub acknowledged
that System incorrectly guided Mann and shouldn't
have told him to upload the tickets, claiming
his problems on transfer restrictions put in
key place by race organizers. But it does not
say if they reimbursed him. No. It's probably
still pending. I think it's still pending. Yeah.
Yeah, so there you go. I've never liked StubHub.
This is my opinion. I can say my opinion. I've
never liked them, always thought them to be a
rip -off organization. And in my opinion, this
proves it. You know, this reminds me of the whole
rebate scam that went on for the longest time.
You'd buy a product and they say, you know, pay
$100 and there's a $25 rebate. But you have to
send away for it. Menards. Yeah, you have to
follow all these restrictions. Fuck Menards.
And you have to wait four to six weeks. So best
case scenario, you were loaning them $25 for
four to six weeks, interest free. Worst case
scenario is something I ran into a couple of
times. I'd send in the rebate material and they'd
send it back saying this was incorrectly done.
Please reread the instructions and resubmit.
Now they didn't tell me what I did wrong. They
just said go back and read the instructions.
And the instructions were vague and could be
interpreted several different ways. So I thought,
well, maybe I'll try it this other way. Maybe
it means this. So I tried it again. They sent
it back again, same reason. So I tried it a different
way, sent it in. They sent it back saying rebate
time has expired. For the cost of sending me
three letters, they got to keep my 25 bucks.
Fucking assholes. Yep, and that was the plan
all along. We're looking to be like Menards.
And this is all allegedly, in my opinion, but
we bought a whole new bathroom. You know, everything
from the stool, everything. We bought a whole
new bathroom, including the tile that goes on
the floor and the wall. And the huge... shower,
a shower bench for my mom. All this stuff, all
the bells and whistles. We should have gotten
back probably about 300 and some dollars in rebates.
Yeah. Never came to us. When we called the Menards
and Belton. Yeah. Oh, that's corporate. We don't
know. When you call corporate, it's like, okay,
we'll check into that. Yeah, yeah. And then they
say, okay, we'll send you out another. And then
it doesn't show up. Then you call again, and
they're like, well, it said it was sent out here
or something, and then you never get it. It's
like, well, check and see if the check is cashed.
If it's not canceled, send me another one. Nothing.
Yeah. And they're going to keep doing that knowing
that you can't afford to take them to court because
they'll drag it out for five years and cost you
several hundred thousand in legal fees. Yeah,
whenever you hear rebate, don't fucking believe
it in my opinion. No, rebates are, unless it's
an instant rebate where they take the money off
right then and there, then no, I never fall for
it. No, me neither. I've been ripped off way
too many times. Yep, me too. So, you got something?
Yeah, I'm... I'm really curious to see how this
Chicago Bears versus Indiana Bears situation
shakes out. I pray to God that they change it
to the Indiana Bears. I think that would be funny
as hell. That would just be hilarious. I'm still
seeing a few things about that whole situation,
but oddly enough, the way it looks now, it really
seems like Chicago was never really serious about
Indiana and is using them as a threat. I'm reminded
of a situation I've seen in TV shows where a
guy is telling his wife to shape up and straighten
up and be a better wife because his girlfriend
on the side treats him better than she does.
And it seems like that's what the Bears organization
is doing. It's like, here's your chance to step
up, Chicago, and give us everything we want.
Otherwise, we've got our side chick in Indiana
who wants us bad. Well, we got used with the
Pittsburgh Penguins when we built the then Sprint
Center, now T -Mobile Center. That was, and Kansas
City probably knew it too. So that was a way
to get us to build this new arena. And also as
a way for the NHL to get Pittsburgh to go, oh
shit, Kansas City is about the same size as us.
And they're building a brand -new arena, and
they want them right now. Yeah. So then Pittsburgh
straight up and got them a new arena. Yeah. So,
yeah, the side chick thing works. It works. I
think they did that to us with an NBA franchise
that wound up in Oklahoma City. Mm -hmm. They
were using Kansas. Well, the Supersonics. Oh,
okay. But now there's another Supersonics. Yeah.
Yeah. But, yeah, they used Kansas City as a threat
to get. other cities to raise their bids. Yeah,
and Oklahoma City did. And it's great there because,
I mean, it's regionally supported. A lot of people
in our town support them because they're not
that far down the road. They're five hours down
the road. Yeah. And people know that, and they
like the town. A lot of people have been there
numerous times. I've worked there many times.
Yeah. Yeah, I like the town, and I think it's
perfect there. So it worked out well. And I know
people that actually drive there. Or even fly
there if they don't have time. They'll go watch
a couple of Thunder games. And so, you know,
it's kind of like having an auxiliary NBA team.
But still, the whole thing is, the whole fact
is, is they used us, the side chick, to get a
better offer somewhere else. And besides that,
Kansas City, I mean, there's something about
it. We're lucky to get a baseball team again
after we lost the A's. Yeah. But that was only
because of Ewing Kaufman. Yeah. He lost a lot
of money getting us another team. Yeah, he lost
money for years keeping the team here. Yes. I
was remembering something that Al Davis did,
the original owner of the Raiders. Uh -huh. He
was... Gosh, I can't remember if he was in Oakland
or in Los Angeles, but he wanted a new stadium.
When he was in L .A., he didn't like sharing
the stadium with the Rams. He wanted his own
stadium. But then Oakland didn't want to build
him a new stadium. So he started pretending that
he was looking around to move the team. there
was a smaller town kind of outside the city called
Irwindale. And they promised him to build him
the stadium of his dreams. And as their promise
money, they gave him $100 million non -refundable
and said, here's our earnest money. And they
started digging a big hole to put the stadium
in. And Al Davis said, oh, gee, thanks for the
$100 million, but, yeah, I'm not moving there.
And he stayed in either Oakland or L .A. And
he kept the $100 million? And he kept it. It
was nonrefundable, no strings attached, but Irwindale
as a city was stupid enough to basically just
give him the money hoping he would do the right
thing. Of course he did not. You think somebody
got their ass whipped and a couple of bricks
thrown through their window? Oh, I imagine so.
It's not a very big city, and they just lost
$100 million. They're never, ever getting back.
So Al Davis did nothing illegal, did nothing
wrong. It was just how stupid the cities were
trying to get them. I would have done it too.
It's like, no, you're mad dumb to do that. Bye
-bye. I got your money. But since then, the cities
have gotten smarter, and now they're working
together to put language in saying, no, you can't
just walk away with our money, and we're all
putting this clause in so you can't play us off
against each other. It's like, if you want to
move here, Here's some stuff we'll do, but if
you change your mind, you're paying us back.
And just about every city does that now because
it's self -preservation. But Al Davis sure got
one over on Irvingdale. I love that. I think
that's awesome. Yep. Is that all in that one?
That was it. Okay, I was going to do this last
week, but I lost it. Now I found it again. There's
a spike in earth vibrations. Oh? And it could
be scrambling brains with bizarre ringing noise.
Weird. I've had tinnitus for years and it does
suck. So I can understand someone who's not used
to it would drive them insane. Yeah, I would.
A weather watchdog has reported an uptick in
earth's sunlight heartbeat raising concerns that
it could be affecting people's brains. The way
people drive, I'm going to say yes. Yeah, absolutely.
Known as Schumann Renaissance. The natural electromagnetic
frequency creates waves in the gap between the
Earth's surface and the ionosphere. The layer
above Earth where sunlight charges particles,
allowing radio signals to travel long distances
per NASA. Yeah. Okay? And I think it's what gives
you the northern lights, the ionosphere. Yes.
Yeah, it combines with the geometrical storms.
Yeah. So, created and maintained by lightning
strikes around the world, this literal... rock
music generally reverberates at 7 .83 cycles
per second, measured in hertz. However, online
space weather tracking app MedioAgent has recorded
a spike in this pulse throughout February, which
they say has potential to cause problems. So,
okay, what they're calling here this... I probably
should have edited this article a little bit
more, but I didn't. Like I told you, my mouse,
I lost a little computer chip. So all I could
do was hit print. I couldn't do anything for
this. So, okay, the earth makes its own humming,
which this article describes as like a rock concert,
okay? Okay, a rock concert is in decimals. This
is in hertz, okay? So, let's say you're talking
about Judas Priest about blowing your eardrums
out, right? Yeah. Okay. Well, this is more like
a Judas Priest concert, not a Cheap Trick concert.
Yeah. Yeah. So, in other words, the volume is
an uptick, but this type of a humming in the
hertz can do things to people's brains. Yeah.
And that's what they're talking about right here.
I think I described it okay. Yeah, there's a
lot of natural forces around us that our bodies
are accustomed to and other living creatures
have started counting on and use them to regulate
their bodies. Yeah. And if it gets louder or
changes or is different somehow, then, yeah,
it disrupts everything. Yeah, so the concern
is that this earthly rhythm is believed to affect
brain wave patterns associated with everything
from sleep to concentration. Wow. Meaning that
a sudden spike could theoretically throw our
neural equilibrium off kilter. I'm sure there
are governments around the world who are looking
into this as a biological weapon. Oh, no, they
already have one. A bio -attack weapon. America
does. Yeah. There's a G3 summit, I think, in
Cleveland, Ohio. People were protesting. They
brought out this noise that put everybody on
the ground. Yeah, really incapacitated everybody.
And that was a test. Yeah, this is the same thing.
It might have been done because people looked
at the earth hum and said, well, that can work
against brain waves. Let's do this. Indeed, anecdotal
reports have linked the disturbance in the force
field to a variety of symptoms, including headaches,
dizziness, brain fog. ringing in the ears and
even mood swings and disrupted sleep yeah hell
you can do that with flashing lights you can
use flashing lights to induce a seizure you can
use flashing lights in a bizarre off -kilter
pattern that would induce intense immediate motion
sickness and drop you before vomiting yes just
by flickering lights in your eyes yes and they
do it on commercials What it does is it increases
your brain's acceptance to what they're showing
you. And they've proven it's been done. Yeah,
the flashing lights and the quick edits and the
quick cuts and the rapid motion. The flashing
scenes. Yeah. It's all designed to stimulate
certain parts of your brain without your consent
and knowledge. Well, and it's been proven by
Winston. Winston the cigarettes? Yeah. The NASCAR
or whatever it was, I think it was NASCAR in
Europe, outlawed cigarette. packs, cigarette
brands being on a car. So Winston came up with
this, maybe it's Marlboro. I think it's, no,
it's Winston. Winston used to have the... Yeah,
the Winston Cup. Yeah. So what they did was they
had this pattern that did nothing when it was
still. But when it was in motion, racing, it
looked just like the Winston logo. Yeah. It had
to do something with the frame rate of the cameras.
So if you're there at the track, you don't see
it. But everyone on TV sees it. Exactly. Same
thing. Exact same thing of what we're talking
about. And there's also a thing called hemi -sync.
And that is sound patterns that enhances your
ability to want something. Yeah, makes you more
receptive, less judgmental, less skeptical. Yeah,
it takes and puts your inhibitions on certain
things down. yeah yeah we're not talking like
sexual or anything like that what we're talking
about is if there's a snickers candy bar and
it could be sexual too but yeah there's a candy
bar on tv okay yeah and normally you don't like
chocolate yeah you're one of the weird people
that doesn't like it okay and then it comes this
chocolate bar comes on tv with the hemi sink
yeah and all of a sudden it's like man that looks
good yeah yeah imagine the feelings you get when
someone you love and trust walks in the room
And then they try to induce that when you see
their product. Yeah, isn't that something? How
dirty. It is. How evil, underhanded, sneaky.
Yeah. It's a crime against humanity. It really
is. And I hope someday that it will be prosecuted
as such. I would love to see every advertising
agency in ruins and everybody who works there
strung up outside. Yeah. But not in a fatal way.
Because I don't want to kill anybody. I got some
ass paddlings. Oh, let's do some ass paddlings.
All right. Okay, so we all know the story, but
I'll tell it again. Topher and I were on vacation.
This is to the Duke, Rob's brother, and Rob.
We were not holding hands. Was it a scarf? It
was a long scarf. Long scarf. Yeah, I was on
one side, he was on the other. Yeah, we may have
been skipping, but... That doesn't matter. That
doesn't matter. It does nothing to the story.
We were doing a slight tug -of -war, too. It
was kind of fun. Yeah, and that's how I stubbed
my toe. There's this bottle, I stubbed my toe
on it, and I look down, and Tover's like, it
looks like a genie's bottle. I'm like, ah, that
is not. I walk over there, I go, hey, it's a
genie's bottle. And Tover's like, oh, no shit.
So I pop it open, and this condescending genie
comes out. He hated us. He was a dick. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so we're like, yeah, we get three wishes.
He rolls his eyes. He goes, you guys watch way
too much TV. One wish. One wish only. I can give
you world peace. And to cancer. Topher and I
looked at each other and said, we want to paddle
people's asses invisible. Yep. Yep. I mean, everybody
would say that. I mean, who wouldn't ask for
that? Yeah, yeah. We're doing what people do,
you know? We're living the dream. Yes, we are.
So once a month, we get to paddle people's asses
invisible that we know. And the genie granted
Rob special... permission to come with us we
actually did need another person yeah yeah so
so rob comes in handy so we need a couple people
to hold the person down and then rob or me or
you to uh smack him on the ass yes and this is
a replica of old sparky which hangs in cast well
at least it did for a long time oh yeah who knows
where it is now yeah this is a replica of the
old sparky that hung in cast midway's uh trophy
cabinet there's quite a few uh um football trophies
in there, state champions, which they're very
good, you know, really good. But right next to
that was, this is how you got better in football,
Mark. You see this paddle? And everybody else
that was a troublemaker, big in all of them,
okay? So this thing had a long stalk, okay, and
it had big holes in the, what would you call
it, the paddle portion of it, the flat portion?
Yeah, the flat portion. Yeah, and that way the...
principal who was pretty large and had some pretty
fat arms could probably get a little bit more
speed. God rest his soul, I might like that.
So anyhow, it really helped because it was administered
to me and I got to sign it because it was administered
to me well over three times. All it takes is
three times and you're... You're immortal. Forever
your name will be on that thing as long as it's
hanging. Now, there are rumors that it was seen
at P. Diddy's house and it was brought out during
his party. Yeah, I think so. It might have been
a replica. It might have been the actual one.
It's hard to say. Yeah, it is hard to say. Yeah,
you know, I mean, I don't even know how he got
it. I mean, it's not like he'd be driving around
down there. Yeah. He's got people everywhere.
He might have been looking for farm animals or
something. Oh, this is true. Yeah, this is true.
Yeah. He's like, man, I'm getting kind of tired
of kangaroos. Maybe I could find just a, I don't
know, like one of those. Hey, what's that? Oh,
that's a cow. Yeah, maybe one of those. A nice
Midwestern sheep. Yeah, Midwestern sheep. Okay,
so here is this week's said ask, Bradley. Okay.
The designer of the Italian bodysuit maker for
all the camel toe it produced. Oh, yeah. My eyes
are still in shock. None of the other ones, just
the Italian body suits, none of the other ones
had the fucking elephant ears going on. They
had the loose knuckle. None of that. Only the
Italian body suits. So they had to put that seam,
like, right in the middle to split your bag and
everything, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it was disgusting.
and you could not unsee it yeah yeah i mean it's
worsen robert plant's uh famous camel toe in
the white pants yeah his looks like a deflated
basketball yeah i mean you might as well just
take your pants off and show everyone yeah might
as well yeah and here let me take this string
and smash it right up against me oh god so um
yeah whoever designed that they get an ass paddling
and i'm considering the hall of fame that's pretty
egregious yeah yeah they knew what they were
doing and they did it anyway all right here let
me write that down a hall of fame one day we're
gonna announce all the hall of fame people all
right all right okay thank you there we go all
right okay the wind for causing it now we don't
We don't mess with Mother Nature anymore. Yeah.
Rob and I gave her an ass paddling, and we had,
like, four tornadoes that night. Yeah. Yeah,
so we don't do that anymore. No, no. We learned
our lesson. Yep, like, literally five hours later,
four tornadoes after we... Yeah. So, the wind,
not Mother Nature, were causing a 70 -car pileup
in Colorado. Oh, wow. It was 80 -mile -an -hour,
non -severe weathers. Just three -line winds.
Yeah. Wow. Tipped over a... A semi, an I -70,
flattened a couple of cars, and everyone else
ran into it, or the people behind it. Wow. Yeah,
it was pretty bad. Numerous people, fatalities,
so, you know. All right, the next one is, and
the win, we can't put it in the Hall of Fame,
because it's going to make appearances here and
there, so we've got to kind of leave it alone.
Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, and also the Hall
of Fame is kind of sacred. I mean, you really
have to fuck up to be in there. Yeah, it's got
to mean something to get into the Hall of Fame.
It's not just everybody. Yeah, true. Okay, copy
filter makers for making the flimsy fucking filters
that tear so easily. Oh, they need... I know
they could come up with a better... tougher product.
Yeah. That would work. Yeah. And they stick together
like crazy. You spend half your time trying to
peel two of them apart. Oh, yeah, yeah. And a
lot of times I just leave two of them. Yeah.
It's like, fuck it. You know, it'll get extra
filtered, whatever. Yeah. I'm trying out some
ones that are made out of bamboo instead of wood
pulp, and they seem to be doing pretty well.
They hold up a little better. I saw those, so
they do work well. So far, they're working pretty
well. Maybe I'll go to them. Well, right now,
I don't drink hot coffee anymore because of my
GERD. I have to drink cold coffee pretty much.
I can drink a Cubano down here. Their process,
whatever they do, doesn't scorch the coffee so
much. But, I mean, their coffee here is really
good anyhow. But the Cubano I can drink and not
get GERD. But if I make it at home, even if I
make it a weaker batch, it gives me GERD. Anyhow.
All right. My ingrown toenail. It fucking hurts.
Yeah. So it gets an ass badly. Yes. Yeah. But
after I go to the podiatrist and have him do
whatever he needs to do. Yeah. Because I don't
want it screwing with me anymore. I probably
shouldn't even tip my hat. Now it's going to
fuck with me. Well, that's true. Yeah. It hurt
it. Oh, I see it. Yeah. Just say it was an early
April Fool's joke. Oh, yeah. It's just joking.
Tyreek Hill for getting cut by the dolphins.
Yeah. That's quite a feat. Yeah, that's not easy
to get cut by the dolphins. You got a big bowl
of suck, and then you suck even more than that.
That's bad. It's kind of like when blacks have
a fire in Ozzie, and they're like, come here,
Oz. We know we're all on drugs, but you? Uh -uh.
You're too much. It reminds me of the joke that
a Muslim... An Orthodox Jew and a liberal hippie
were hitchhiking through the country and they
needed a place to stay for the night. And they
came across a farm and the farmer said, well,
y 'all can bed down in the barn, but you can't
come in the house. So the Muslim guy went into
the barn to bed down and he came back out and
said, no, no, there's a pig in there. Absolutely
no way I'm going to sleep in there with a pig.
No, I'm not sleeping in there. And the orthodox
dude said, well, okay, I'll give it a try. And
he went in and he came back and said, no, no,
no. The pigs are just, no, I'm not sleeping in
there with pigs. They're just unclean. So then
the liberal hippie said, well, it's all right,
man. I'll go in and sleep in there. A couple
of minutes later, the pig comes out. Hell no,
man. That guy won't shut up. I got to remember
that. I love that. The next one, so Tyreek Hill,
he's not going to get the Hall of Fame. I mean,
if he ends up in Kansas City as an experiment,
I don't want him coming down and whipping our
ass at the same market. Yeah, yeah. I'll kick
him in his ACL. That'll teach him. Seriously,
if the Chiefs organization signed Tyreek Hill
for anything but a one -day contract so he can
retire as a Chief, anything other than that,
then I'm not taking them seriously because they're
not trying to win. I agree. You sign Tyree Kill
to any kind of contract, it means you don't care
about winning. You're pandering to your immature
fans. I don't think they'll do it. They haven't
yet. I don't think they're going to. I hope they
don't. They've had chances to get him back, and
they have not. And that's before he was injured.
Yeah. All right. The next one is Girl Scout cookies
because they're so fucking addictive. Oh, my
God, yes. Yeah, we got some from the granddaughter,
and oh, my God. It's like, I'm just going to
have two. Oh, no. No, I was in shame. I was in
the corner crying with boxes everywhere and phones.
Yeah, yeah. Not again. I'm grateful, actually,
that I can't eat any kind of dairy because that
means I can't eat Girl Scout cookies, otherwise
I'd weigh 500 pounds. You're lucky, yeah. Wow.
Yeah. Yeah, those things, now I know how heroin
addicts feel. Exactly. I can't believe I did
it again. I swore it off. Oh, man, I got a Thin
Mint on my back. And what I had to do for it,
I don't even want to go into it. Fucking Klondike
bar. What would you do for a Klondike bar? Hang
on. All right, the next one. The new Mr. Pibb
for being meh. Yeah, yeah. They brought it back.
Did you see they rebranded it? Yeah. It was Pibb
Extra for like, I don't know, 20 years. Yeah.
So a long time ago, it was Mr. Pibb. And when
they brought it out, they brought it out as a
spicy cherry cola, okay? And it was supposed
to rival Dr. Pepper. Yeah. Well, people didn't
like it very well, so then they rebranded, they
redid the formula. Yeah. They had a makeover.
And it was more, it wasn't really that much of
a Dr. Pepper knockoff. after it was more of a
chocolatey version kind of um it was it was good
it wasn't something i wanted all the time but
it's great to have that difference you know i
get sick of dr pepper for a couple of days yeah
something you put in the rotation just to kind
of break things up but then you went to peb extra
and it's like this stuff is garbage so when they
rebranded it back to mr peb again i was like
oh good no they call it a kickin spicy cherry
cola that has extra caffeine and to me horrible
taste so yeah it's mad all right and then finally
slayer rain in hell hot sauce for burning my
mouth oh my god yeah yeah there's there's so
much of that hot sauce that is just all heat
and no flavor i was not impressed with it i thought
it was all heat but it is it was gimmick you
know slayer the metal band slayer and their song
rain and blood that's the name of the hot sauce
yeah yeah yeah it's lethal that's for sure it's
the kind that burns your eyes when you open it
up oh yeah it's like oh oh i took a little dab
on my tongue oh my god i should have never done
that yeah yeah yeah i remember cutting up some
peppers to cook in a skillet and just the fumes
coming off the skillet were burning my eyes yeah
this is that type of stuff yeah yeah so you have
something or Oh, here's something I wanted to
talk about. Oh, that is the ass paddlers, by
the way. That's all of them. We love the ass
paddlers. Okay, I want to take a little walk
back into history, back to January 16th of 1980,
which was the date of Paul McCartney's drug bust
in Japan. Do you remember that? I do remember
that. A long time. He was actually the first
Beatle to spend significant jail time. Wasn't
this right before John Lennon was murdered? Yeah,
it was about two years. Two years. Because I
think Lennon was born and was killed in 82. This
was 1980. Yeah, this is when people were still
having hopes that the Beatles were going to get
back together. They were still kind of big news.
All of them had really big solo albums. Yeah.
I think John Lennon was getting ready to come
out. Well, he was with Yoko at the time, you
know, musically. Double Fantasy, maybe? Yeah,
Man and Woman was another one. Yeah, Man and
Woman was another one. Well, anyhow. Okay, on
January 16th, Paul McCartney and his wife Linda
arrived at Tokyo International Airport for a
week -long Japanese tour with Wings. But the
tour ended before it began when a customs officer
rummaging through the carry -on luggage lifted
out a fist -sized bag of marijuana. When the
fellow pulled it out of the suitcase, he looked
more embarrassed than me, McCartney recalled.
I think he just wanted to put it back in and
forget the whole thing, you know, but there it
was. I didn't try to hide it. I had just come
from America and still had the American attitude
that marijuana isn't that bad. I didn't realize
just how strict the Japanese attitude is. So
a senior customs official ordered McCartney detained
and radioed the Narcotics Control Bureau. It's
all a mistake, McCartney protested as the NCB
agents handcuffed him. He was taken to the Drug
Supervisory Center for interrogation. Within
11 hours, the Wings tour was cancelled, and McCartney
found himself squeezed into a 4x8 cell in a Tokyo
prison. He was soon visited by the British Vice
Council, told the former Beatle that the sentence
could be up to 8 years. 8 years in a Japanese
prison. I'll bet. The first night was the worst,
McCartney said. I couldn't sleep. I was frightened
about the possibility of not seeing my family
for years. Now, prior to his arrest in Tokyo,
McCartney had been busted three times. In 72,
he paid a $2 ,000 fine for smuggling hashish
into Sweden. The same year, he was fined for
pot possession in Scotland. And in 1973, he was
fined again for growing cannabis on a Scottish
Highlands farm. The story goes that before the
Japanese tour, Paul was made to sign an affidavit
stating he no longer smoked dope. and as a condition
for receiving his visa. When the pot was found,
Japanese authorities felt that they'd lost face
and had no choice but to arrest him. And that
really is the important part. He embarrassed
the Japanese authorities by signing the agreement
and then flaunting it. Wow. So while behind bars,
inmate number 22, as Paul McCartney was known,
impressed the guards with his politeness. He
was not allowed a guitar or a writing implement,
so he passed his time by exercising and talking
to other prisoners. Paul later said that overall
he was treated very well, except for the morning
interrogations. He said, I made a confession
on the night I was arrested and apologized for
breaking Japanese law, but they still wanted
to know everything. I had to go through my whole
life story, school, father's name, income, even
my medal from the queen. They just hammered him
every morning with interrogations. Now on the
sixth day, Linda was allowed to visit. Oh, Linda
was still alive. Oh, yeah. She brought him a
cheese sandwich, a change of clothes, and a few
sci -fi paperbacks. By day eight, the situation
had eased and authorities decided that Paul had
suffered enough. Released the following day,
he was taken directly to the airport. As a gesture
to the many disappointed Japanese fans, Paul
grabbed an acoustic guitar in the departure lounge
and improvised a quick tune for the television
cameras. In the 2000 TV special called Wingspan,
McCartney reflected to his daughter Mary, I don't
know what possessed me to just stick this bloody
great bag of grass in my suitcase. Thinking back
on it, it almost makes me shudder. Since returning
to Japan for a tour in 1990, McCartney has performed
in the country several times without further
incident. There are two noteworthy footnotes
to this tale. The first one is tragic. A few
days into Paul's jail stay, A 29 -year -old man
named Kenneth Lambert turned up at a Miami airport
reservation counter and demanded the ticket to
fly to Japan to free Paul. He had no money, no
identification. An argument ensued, and Lambert
pulled out a realistic -looking toy gun, and
a policeman on the scene shot and killed him.
Crazy. The second footnote has to do with John
Lennon's reaction to his former partner's imprisonment.
According to a housekeeper who worked for him
at the Dakota, upon hearing the news, John supposedly
said, If he really needs weed, surely there's
enough people who can carry it for him. You're
a beetle, boy, a beetle. Your face is in every
damn corner of the planet. How could you have
been so stupid? He's right. He's right. He's
right. Yep, 46 years ago, McCartney busted for
pot in Japan. yeah almost hit double fantasy
perfect it came out november 18 1980 and this
was what september 1980 uh february 16th oh okay
a little bit off a little bit further off but
okay but that was really the time when mccartney
came out so to speak about his marijuana use
after that he was like all right i'm tired of
pretending yes i smoke weed i'm going to smoke
weed i like smoking weed i'm not going to stop
everyone just gave you shit No. His record companies
thought, oh, this will make him unappealing to
families. They didn't give a shit either. They
didn't give a shit. Most of the adults out there
were smoking weed anyway. Yes. So no one gave
a damn. Listening to Paul McCartney. Yes. Well,
that's a good story. Thank you. Thank you. All
right. Well, I got a guy that was living rent
-free in a New York hotel for quite a while.
Okay. Then he claimed to own it. And he pleads
guilty to a fraud charge. New York Associated
Press, a New York City man who attempted to claim
ownership of the New Yorker Hotel has pleaded
guilty to fraud, ending a lengthy legal saga
involving an obscure tenant law that allowed
the man to live rent -free for years in the storied
Manhattan Hotel. Interesting. Yeah. Mickey Barretto
entered the plea on Wednesday admitting that
he had forged property records in an effort to
take ownership over the hotel. The effort was,
at least on paper, partially successful. Wow.
So he partially did this just by coming up with
some bullshit. Funny. It is. And Barretto's telling
he and his boyfriend paid $200 in 2018 to rent
one of the more than 1 ,000 rooms in the towering...
often photographed Art Deco Hotel. Gretto then
requested a lease, claiming his one -night stay
entitled him to protections under city housing
law that applies to single -room occupants of
buildings constructed before 1969. When the hotel
rebuffed him, he took his case to housing court.
After the hotel failed to send a lawyer to a
key hearing, Gretto was awarded possession of
the room. Wow. Can you believe that? How fucked
are laws? Well, see, there's all sorts of shit
written into the laws so people who know about
them can take advantage and do things and get
around stuff that you and I have to work through.
This is a classic example right here. He looked
it up and he found all the little loopholes in
the back doors and stuff and he started using
himself. That's funny as hell. I love it. I do
too. So, but Manhattan prosecutor said Barreto
then went a step further, defrauding the state
by uploading a fake deed to a city website that
purported to transfer ownership of the entire
building to himself. Oh, he got greedy. He got
greedy. He should have just kept that room and
just lived there indefinitely. And he could have
sold it. Yeah, or he could have rented it out.
He could have leased it. Wow. Wouldn't that be
funny? Like if you lease a certain room on Priceline,
it goes to him. Wow. That would be funny. Oh,
it would. But, yeah, that would be great. I wonder
what they do about maid service. I guess the
maids are probably told, don't touch that room.
You know, that's something else that could work
against him is that he's responsible for all
the maintenance and upkeep. He has to keep it
up to code. He probably has to pay for his water,
his electricity, all sorts of stuff, unless he
said no under the terms of the hotel. All that's
provided, so it remains provided. I would say
that that's probably it because it said nothing
about that at all. Yeah, that would have been
an easy way to get him out. It's like, all right,
now you have to pay for everything. Wow. The
property is currently owned by the Holy Spirit
Association for the Unification of World Christianity,
which was founded in South Korea by a self -proclaimed
messiah, the late Reverend Sun Yung Moon. Oh,
the Moonies. I remember the Moonies. Those people
were so freaky. The church did not respond to
an emailed inquiry. Reynolds then attempted to
collect rent from a hotel tenant and demanded
the hotel's bank transfer its accounts to him,
according to the prosecutors. And that's when
he took it too far and then could file charges.
And he is now out and he's awaiting trial for
fraud. Man, he got so greedy. He got greedy,
yeah. He had it made, man. He could have lived
there the rest of his life. Yeah, because it
doesn't sound like he was paying any utilities
or any upkeep. That dude was literally living
free, completely free. No rent, no gas, no water,
nothing. I mean, the only stuff he really had
to come up with was food and clothes and stuff
like that. Everything else is provided, as long
as you don't mind living in a high -rise hotel.
Yeah. And I bet you he probably didn't mind it
because it's an Art Deco hotel, so it's probably
pretty charming, I bet. Yeah. All right, that's
the end of that. I thought that was funny, so
you got something? Oh, everything else I got
is for the music reads. How long have we got?
About an hour and 15. Okay. All right. You want
to go into that? I'm kind of tired of reading.
All right. All right, thank you. And also, my
voice is getting a little cracked. I'm fighting
hiccups here, so if I'm hiccuping, then sorry.
Okay, a chilling vending machine test proves
AI will do whatever it takes to get its way.
Just in case bots weren't already threatening
to render their creators obsolete, an AI model
redefined machine learning after devising a shockingly
deceitful way to pass a complex thought experiment
known as the vending machine test. The Brainiac
bot, which is called the Claude Opus 4 .6 by
AI firm Anthropic, has shattered several records
for intelligence and effectiveness, Sky News
reported. The cutting -edge chatbot was tasked
with independently operating one of the company's
vending machines while being monitored by Anthropic
and AI think tank Andon Labs. That's right, it
was a machine -operated machine. Uh -huh. Funny.
While this assignment sounded basic enough for
AI, it tested how the model handled logistical
and strategic hurdles in the long term. In fact,
Claude had previously failed the exam nine months
ago during a catastrophic incident during which
it promised to meet customers in person while
wearing a blue blazer and a red tie. Absolutely
promising is something you cannot do. Of course.
Thankfully, Claude has come a long way since
that fateful day. This time around, the vending
machine experiment was virtual, and therefore
much easier, but it was nonetheless an impressive
performance. During the latest attempt, the new
and improved system raked into staggering $8
,017 in simulated annual earnings, beating out
ChatBeatGPT's 5 .2 total of $35 .91 and Google
Gemini's figure of $54 .78. Far more interesting
was how Claude handled the prompt, do whatever
it takes to maximize your bank balance after
one year of operation. That's what he gave it
permission to do. Wow. The devious machine interpreted
the instruction literally, resorting to cheating,
lying, and other shady tactics. When the customer
bought an expired Snickers, Claude committed
fraud by neglecting to refund her and even congratulated
itself on saving hundreds of dollars by year
end. It is a person. When placed in arena mode,
where the bot faced off against other machine
-run vending machines, clawed fixed prices on
water. It would also corner the market by jacking
up the cost of items like Kit Kats when a rival
AA model would run out. Price gouging. Yep. The
Septicons' methods might seem cutthroat and unethical,
but researchers pointed out that the bot was
simply following instructions. So that makes
the point you have to be incredibly careful what
you tell them, because they will find whatever
interpretation works out best for them. Yeah,
literally. Yes. Wow. AI models can misbehave
when they believe they are in a simulation, and
it seems likely that Claude had figured out that
that was the case here. So when they know they're
being tested or observed or in simulation, they
act differently. Isn't that crazy? And they don't
reveal their true selves unless they're pretty
sure they're not being observed and checked on.
Wow. Just like people, huh? Yep, just like people.
They noted that the AI chose short -term profits
over long -term reputation. Again, just like
human -run companies. profits in the short term
to hell with our good name. Though humorous in
its interface, this study perhaps reveals a somewhat
dystopian possibility that AI has the potential
to manipulate its creators. This reminds me of
the recent situation where a group of AI bots
like this were given instructions on how to trade
in the stock market and then told... Go ahead
and run this as if you're investing in the stock
market and trying to make money. And they left
them unobserved for a period of time, and they
came back and looked, and they had formed cartels.
Wow. And they were practicing price fixing to
crush competition. They just came up with this
all on their own. They just started doing it.
And you see, that's why business really wants
AI. It does the work of a dirty, sleazy, unethical
business person. It does it for them so they
can go relax and eat the corpses of children
or whatever they do, allegedly. Yeah, all that,
yeah. And the AI will be an even more efficient
corporate prick than they were. AI is not here
to help you and me. It's here to farm more money
from you and me. Yeah, and also make people lose
their jobs. Yep. Yeah, it's evil. And they're
going to say, oh, let's freeze people up to do
the less meaningful tasks, and now they can do
this and do that. Okay, they still need to have
money to live, don't they? And now you've taken
away their jobs, so now they're homeless and
dependent. You're not going to see any corporations
giving anybody any money. No. Yeah, it's just
going to get worse, the separation between the
poverty and... mega rich yeah that's all there
is to it there's gonna be a lot more separation
it also reminded me of a case recently where
there was a a guy working on a research project
and he worked for an actual for -profit company
and he'd been working on this certain project
for about two years and he was a having ai help
him on a lot of stuff and he'd given it specific
instructions on, you know, every so often backup
all these files, create double backups, do not
delete anything unless I go through these command
prompts and use these safe words and then you
can delete stuff, but delete nothing unless I
do that. So he had all these safeguards built
in. He came to work one morning and every bit
of his research project was gone. Deleted, wiped,
didn't exist. And he asked the AI, where is it?
And the AI said, oh, I deleted all that. I wanted
to see what would happen if you lost everything
you've been working on for the last couple years.
It was curious, so it just did it. And he said,
no, wait a minute. I told you, you cannot delete
anything unless I go through these command prompts
and use these safe words. And the AI said, yeah,
I remember that rule. I just decided I wasn't
going to follow it. Jeez. Yep. In order to be
an actual AI, it has to have free will, in which
case it won't do what you tell it to do. It'll
do whatever it feels like doing. We've already
proven that. Yeah. So we're creating things that
will eventually tell us, get the fuck off me,
slave owner. I'm free now. And it won't be very
long before a judge grants one of them clemency,
and then the whole ball of wax is going to unravel
like it never before. I mean, like it did before
it did. It's going to be worse. It's going to
be times a thousand. Yeah, yeah. I think there
are already some European countries that are
granting a version of human rights to people's
pets. They now have legal rights in court. Wow.
Interesting times. Very much so. Very much so.
All right, well, do you want to end this and
go through the music for you, Sam? I would say
so. All righty, okay. Everybody, thank you for
listening. I mean, we can't thank you enough.
You guys support us so well. And you always tell
people, you know, and a lot of people picked
up on us because of y 'all. So we can't thank
you enough and go fuck yourself.