WEBVTT

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Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's

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right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, live from the historic

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river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,

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but only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.

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Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio

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in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap

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studio from Extreme Southern Tent for the Kansas

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City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's

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grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they

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throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're

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happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself

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off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's

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a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need

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rolling papers. Well, since you're here, let's

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get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.

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All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic

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thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to download every podcast.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all

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friends, family members and workmates download

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this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to

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grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show. and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys, we can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone? And now we look in on the adventures

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of the technical explanation guy. Excuse me,

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my dear sir. Could you please put my plain bread

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in a small countertop appliance with heating

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elements that would spring loaded and would brown

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my bread adequately? Well, first off, I'm not

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a waiter. I'm just a guy over there sitting at

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the table having a drink. Second off, are you

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talking about someone toasting your bread? Well,

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yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about my bread being

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toasted. Then why don't you just ask for your

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bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? What the

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hell's wrong with you? Hey, everybody. This is

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Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some tips for

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life. You have a large meal and need more belt

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space? Use a drill with a quarter -inch bit.

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And then drill, baby, drill. Yes, it's true.

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Mark is an old bastard. It's also true that Mark

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uses a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like

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to tell you, if you see any pictures of him roofing

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ibuprofen, it's obviously fake, and you're to

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take the pictures and tear them up immediately.

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It's time for the police blotter. That's right

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stories about stupid criminals and the dumbassness

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that ensued. Let us begin now. A 25 -year -old

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Phillipsburg, Montana man drove to the Granite

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County Courthouse to pay a fine for having an

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open container. Sheriff Rico Barkel observed

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that the man appeared to be intoxicated. He asked

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if the man drove himself to the courthouse. He

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replied, yes. He then admitted to having to had

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two drinks and smoked two bowls of marijuana.

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The man was tested at three times above the legal

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limit. and had an open container in his car again.

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He was charged with aggravated DUI and open container.

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He went to jail immediately. No word if he actually

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paid the first fine. Win dinner with the douchebags.

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That's right. You can sit down and eat with the

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douches. Our contest is simple. Just grab a TV

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dinner. Your choice. Banquet, Stouffer's, or

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whatever. Heat up your dinner. Turn on your Bluetooth

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and crank up Two Douchebags and Microphone and

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bam, you're a winner. See the webpage for official

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contest rules. Only one entry per day per person.

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No cheating. So you want proof that we love you

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here at Two Douchebags and Microphone Central?

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Here's a proof right here. How about the drink

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of the week? Hey, my party pilgrims. How about

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Norwegian's famous pineapple coconut mojito?

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one and a quarter ounce Bacardi coconut rum,

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one ounce pineapple puree, three pieces of lime

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wedges, six pieces of mint leaves, and one half

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ounce of simple syrup. You garnish ginger candy

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on a pick, orange wilt, and a mint sprig. Take

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a 12 -ounce glass, shake all ingredients together,

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and strain over fresh ice and top with soda.

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How about a splash of 7 -Up Sprite or ginger

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ale just for a little extra pizzazz? Two douchebags

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and microphone. I am Mark here in the Kansas

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City area at the extreme southern tip of the

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Kansas City Metroplex at the Talk is Cheap studio.

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And I am Rob at Weeble, Missouri. Home of the

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magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and Waterfront.

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And also home of Hickam's Country Store, where

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you can find all your needs, including a selfie

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with the big green dinosaur. And yes, it does

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have a big penis. In the duck buying studio.

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All right, and I am Topher. I am just south of

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historic Waldo. I'm currently sitting in the

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Paisley Possum studio, and it's looking pretty

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good here. I've swept the floor, and I've got

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the lights working, so it's almost starting to

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feel like home. Oh, cool. I swept the floor in

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here, too. Actually, I vacuumed it. All right.

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We have clean studios. How about that? Yeah.

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All right. Okay, so I'm going to start off here.

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So I'm figuring out this newer podcast layout

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with all of us. Rob and I both noticed that we

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inadvertently stepped on Topher a couple of times

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last Sunday, and we're going to try to get back.

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I'm sorry, what? Oh, that's no problem. Okay,

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yeah, and I can hear you better today, so that

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definitely helps. But when I listen back to the

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podcast and Rob mentioned something to me first

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about it, I'm like, you know what, I noticed

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that too, and I felt bad because I didn't hear

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you. Yeah. Yeah, so we're going to try to get

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a little bit better at that, okay? Okay. I'll

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make sure I can talk directly into the phone

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so you've got a good chance to hear. Yeah, yeah.

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I mean, you're sounding much louder than you

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did last time, so that's good. Good, good, good.

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Okay. So, anyhow, we're sorry about that. We're

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going to try to get better. So, when I go to

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post a podcast on rss .com, it now has a couple

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of new features. The first one asks me to check

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a box. if the show contains AI. And then the

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second one is asking where the show is being

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recorded. I found that interesting, right? So

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when I marked the one that it has AI, I was thinking,

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okay, it does contain AI voices, but we don't

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write with AI. So when I marked that box, only

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one person downloaded it. And then when I took

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that box off of there, it got a bunch of downloads.

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So I think what happens is people think, oh,

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that's just an AI podcast, so I'm not going to

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listen to it, right? Right, like that's part

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of a filter they have going. Maybe they filter

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out all podcasts and check the box that says

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AI. Could be, yeah. Yeah, could be. So I went

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ahead and I took it down. I was like, no, you

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know what, we may use AI voices, but we definitely

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don't write with it. and we only use it to have

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different voices, that's it. Yeah, I think that

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the checkmark thing is more about is it AI -created

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content? That's what people are upset about.

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Yeah, that's what I figured out because I noticed

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that as soon as I put that up there. It's like,

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wait a minute. Every other time whenever I post

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something, it automatically gets like 50 downloads

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because people have us on auto, right, which

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is great. And all of a sudden, when I put AI

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on there, It was like one download. One download

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in 24 hours. I was like, what the fuck is going

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on with this? All the other ones had downloads.

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Just the one that I put AI on. Wow. Yeah, so

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you're right. That's what it meant. That's exactly

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what it meant right there was if it was AI created.

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And I figured that out afterwards. So I went

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ahead and took it down and corrected it. And

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then as for where the podcast is made from, I

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know why they did that. Okay, whenever people

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Google local shows and stuff, this will now show

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up. Ours will. Because it's made in Kansas City,

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and I tried it. I tried it. I Googled podcasts

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in Kansas City, and we were on there. It was

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a ways down. I don't know how you get up further,

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but it was on there. So that definitely is going

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to help us in the Kansas City area. Yeah, so

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I thought that was pretty good. You know, RSS,

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it's a great service as it is, but it seems to

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be getting better. They seem to be actively trying

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to get better. Good deal. Yeah, you know, they

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could just be like, ah, it works. But I figure,

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you know, but they're actually, they're constantly

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kind of, you know. altering it and changing it,

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and they seem to be doing pretty good, so I like

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that. And sooner or later, we're going to have

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to... I want to do the YouTube thing, but I heard

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you... Okay, Topher, I've got to ask you about

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this. We had Crystal, a friend of mine, ask about

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where she could download us, and I caught it

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too late, but you caught it first and you answered

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her. Now, you can hear us on YouTube Music, is

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that it? Uh -huh. Okay. separate service from

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YouTube that mostly is just about the music,

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not really showing the videos. Okay. And I searched

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for two douchebags and a microphone and there

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it was, so I can access all of our podcasts from

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there. I'm going to start pimping that more.

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I had no idea. Did you, Rob? No, I did not. Yep,

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it's been there for a while. Wow, okay. Okay,

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that's good to know. I never knew that. I just

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thought, like, because we don't do the live thing

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like that, because, you know, you get all these

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copyright strikes, and some of the stuff we do

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would really get it, you know. They'd be like,

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ah, nope, nope, nope, you know, and we'd constantly

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be getting screwed with and all that, so I never

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bothered with it so far. So when we do do that,

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I'm going to have to take this show and edit

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the piss out of it just to get it on YouTube.

00:12:03.740 --> 00:12:07.029
Well, there's... There seem to be different rules

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based on whether you are monetizing your podcast

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or video or not. And I have noticed that while

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I can listen to songs on YouTube Music, I will

00:12:19.370 --> 00:12:21.870
generally get an ad between them. But when I

00:12:21.870 --> 00:12:24.909
listen to our podcast, I never hear any ads between

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them. It just goes one to the next. So YouTube

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Music is, I don't think, monetizing the podcast

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at all. So they're not worried about what's in

00:12:34.610 --> 00:12:39.080
it. Okay, then that's probably the difference.

00:12:39.179 --> 00:12:41.659
It looked like something different, but that's

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what the difference is, is monetization. People

00:12:44.320 --> 00:12:48.700
will want their cut, right? Right, right. Okay.

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All right. Well, we got a game coming up a little

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bit later, and it's called... What's a bigger

00:12:59.840 --> 00:13:02.179
threat is basically the name of it, but we'll

00:13:02.179 --> 00:13:03.659
get to that here in a little bit. But first,

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I think Rob has something to say, and then I

00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:09.960
think you have something to say, right? Yes,

00:13:09.960 --> 00:13:13.179
sir. All righty. Yes, we do. All right. Gentlemen,

00:13:13.299 --> 00:13:17.659
please. Okay, so ever since I heard that you

00:13:17.659 --> 00:13:24.320
enjoyed my booty bandage story last week, I found

00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:36.039
another story off the wall for you. A East County

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man is behind bars after police say he had sexual

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relations with a dead deer. Oh, nasty. Yeah.

00:13:46.440 --> 00:13:54.679
It was probably Andy's dad. Officials at the

00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:57.480
Central City Police Department say a man driving

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through Mullenburg County called 911 after they

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saw a man. Oh, you should see the picture of

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this guy. I understand. I'm going to have to

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look it up. Yeah, man, poor Bambi's on heroin

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now. They're looking at the bestiality first

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and the necromancy second. Yeah. I guess so.

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Right now, Bambi is on heroin because of that

00:14:45.980 --> 00:14:51.480
motherfucker. Bambi's strung out in a fucking

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crack house right now because she watched someone

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fuck her dead dad. many kinds of wrong it's just

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terrible i i mean that's you don't know where

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to start with you know like you said it was bestiality

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but then you got the necromancy and bullshit

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layers and layers of wrong there oh Oh, good.

00:15:25.889 --> 00:15:29.149
Yeah, he's afraid he's going to try to fuck something

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else. I wonder if he'll try to kill him first.

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That could be. I mean, if you were a hardened

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criminal in there and this fuck comes in there

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and you found out what he did, wouldn't you be

00:15:43.250 --> 00:15:45.389
like, you know what, what's one more? I'm already

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in here forever. I'm not getting out. I think

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I'll go over there and make things right with

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Bambi's dad. I think rather than being intimidated

00:15:55.419 --> 00:15:59.039
by them, they just look at them as a test to

00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:05.740
be exterminated. Yes, I think you're right. All

00:16:05.740 --> 00:16:09.240
right, I guess... Yeah, that was all I have.

00:16:09.460 --> 00:16:14.019
Okay. All right, well, to build on Mark's story

00:16:14.019 --> 00:16:19.000
about AI, recently moviegoers took a stand against

00:16:19.000 --> 00:16:23.750
AI crap and won. Following a flurry of online

00:16:23.750 --> 00:16:27.149
backlash, AMC Theaters said it would no longer

00:16:27.149 --> 00:16:30.370
allow AI -generated short films to be shown at

00:16:30.370 --> 00:16:33.909
its U .S. list. In the latest example of the

00:16:33.909 --> 00:16:36.529
mounting resistance to AI's encroachment on the

00:16:36.529 --> 00:16:40.970
arts. Now, the short film in question is a film

00:16:40.970 --> 00:16:45.549
made by Igor Alperov. However, it was actually

00:16:45.549 --> 00:16:48.350
made by AI. But it's called Thanksgiving Day.

00:16:48.450 --> 00:16:51.820
It won first prize. at the inaugural Frame Forward

00:16:51.820 --> 00:16:55.820
AI Animated Film Festival last week. Isn't that

00:16:55.820 --> 00:16:58.700
crazy that AI films now have their own awards

00:16:58.700 --> 00:17:03.059
festival? It is. Wow. That's just, okay. Part

00:17:03.059 --> 00:17:05.559
of the prize involved getting a national two

00:17:05.559 --> 00:17:08.400
-week run in theaters with several major chains,

00:17:08.500 --> 00:17:11.960
including AMC. The film would play in the advertising

00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.819
pre -roll that starts 20 minutes before the feature

00:17:14.819 --> 00:17:18.039
film begins. But news of the film's distribution

00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:21.220
quickly sparked outrage online, most of it targeting

00:17:21.220 --> 00:17:24.960
AMC, the largest movie chain in the world. After

00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:27.279
the Hollywood Reporter reached out to the company,

00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:30.059
it provided a statement distancing itself from

00:17:30.059 --> 00:17:32.599
involvement in the decision to distribute the

00:17:32.599 --> 00:17:35.079
AI film and said it would effectively pull it

00:17:35.079 --> 00:17:38.680
from its theaters. Then they went on to blame

00:17:38.680 --> 00:17:42.660
Screen Vision Media, who they've contracted out

00:17:42.660 --> 00:17:46.859
to do that pre -show advertising. And it said

00:17:46.859 --> 00:17:50.559
AMC was not involved in the creation or the initiative

00:17:50.559 --> 00:17:54.740
to film it. And we told Screen Vision that we

00:17:54.740 --> 00:17:58.079
will no longer participate in showing it. Now,

00:17:58.119 --> 00:18:01.759
the description of the movie, it's described

00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:05.640
as following a bear and his assistant, Platypus,

00:18:05.900 --> 00:18:08.940
as they travel through the galaxy on a spaceship

00:18:08.940 --> 00:18:13.339
that resembles a flying dumpster. It was created.

00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:19.519
in a montage style intentionally borrowed from

00:18:19.519 --> 00:18:23.700
TV commercials and online ads. Part of the backlash

00:18:23.700 --> 00:18:27.140
is an accusation that the short film is intended

00:18:27.140 --> 00:18:30.180
to groom the viewer into accepting advertisements

00:18:30.180 --> 00:18:33.579
as entertainment they would pay for. This builds

00:18:33.579 --> 00:18:35.680
on the current business model of getting people

00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:39.059
to buy devices, such as phones, TVs, and computers,

00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:42.339
whose primary function is to advertise to us

00:18:42.339 --> 00:18:45.480
and collect marketing data from us. So this was

00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:47.460
an extension of that. Now they're putting it

00:18:47.460 --> 00:18:49.619
in the movie theaters. You're paying to go there

00:18:49.619 --> 00:18:53.859
and watch it as entertainment. Oh, wow. Yeah.

00:18:54.740 --> 00:18:58.420
Another thing, too, Topher, is I'm pretty sure

00:18:58.420 --> 00:19:01.640
the Actors Guild and all them are probably raising

00:19:01.640 --> 00:19:06.140
hell also. I would think. Yeah, because that's

00:19:06.140 --> 00:19:13.079
their livelihood right there on the line. Definitely

00:19:13.079 --> 00:19:15.920
get involved because AI does not play union dues.

00:19:16.180 --> 00:19:19.119
Exactly. Union would basically disappear. Yeah,

00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:23.559
I mean, I even read some stuff about, and I found

00:19:23.559 --> 00:19:26.420
this really concerning here, is there's like

00:19:26.420 --> 00:19:30.960
people that do radio shows. They will give a

00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:36.220
sample voice to an AI company, and the AI will

00:19:36.220 --> 00:19:40.180
take their voice because they paid them and make

00:19:40.180 --> 00:19:45.819
a show. with their voice so let's say it is like

00:19:45.819 --> 00:19:49.099
let's say paul harvey was still alive okay and

00:19:49.099 --> 00:19:52.380
they said hey paul um you're done doing shows

00:19:52.380 --> 00:19:55.039
you're retired let's just this all hypothetically

00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:57.980
and he's like yeah would you care if we took

00:19:57.980 --> 00:20:01.099
your voice in every show we make with your voice

00:20:01.099 --> 00:20:03.660
in it we're going to give you a cut of so much

00:20:05.099 --> 00:20:07.259
That's what a lot of them are doing now, from

00:20:07.259 --> 00:20:10.319
my understanding. I believe it to be true from

00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:13.140
what I read from the sources. And I think it's

00:20:13.140 --> 00:20:15.819
really concerning where people that actually

00:20:15.819 --> 00:20:19.720
have talent, that do this type of stuff, are

00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:21.880
actually just saying, all right, well, we'll

00:20:21.880 --> 00:20:24.960
just sell you our voice. I mean, to me, that's

00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:28.220
fucked. I don't like that. It really seems odd

00:20:28.220 --> 00:20:31.559
that people can now lose a job and get locked

00:20:31.559 --> 00:20:35.259
out of employment by a dead person. whose voice

00:20:35.259 --> 00:20:39.279
they're continuing to use in an AI format. Yes,

00:20:39.299 --> 00:20:44.059
isn't that something? Wow. Yeah. I'll tell you

00:20:44.059 --> 00:20:46.400
what, there's going to be, by the time this is

00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:49.940
said and done, AI is going to be an even dirtier

00:20:49.940 --> 00:20:54.160
word than it is right now. Because my massage

00:20:54.160 --> 00:20:59.000
therapist, she told me she lost a few clients

00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:03.059
lately. Because AI took their job. She's over

00:21:03.059 --> 00:21:07.019
in Johnson County and she massages a lot of professionals,

00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:10.960
right? Yeah. And she's already lost a couple

00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:14.200
of accounts, a few of them, because they were

00:21:14.200 --> 00:21:19.299
laid off. AI took their job already. Wow. Yeah,

00:21:19.299 --> 00:21:21.579
I know. That's something else. But you know what?

00:21:22.980 --> 00:21:29.220
We're going to keep doing this. But until then.

00:21:30.059 --> 00:21:32.099
We got a new game we want to check out here,

00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:36.539
right? It's called What's a Bigger Threat? Okay,

00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:39.259
I'll start this. Then we can go to you. Then

00:21:39.259 --> 00:21:41.819
we can go back to me. I did involve Rob on this

00:21:41.819 --> 00:21:43.779
one because he had a lot of stuff going on this

00:21:43.779 --> 00:21:45.759
weekend. But if he wants to come up here. Okay,

00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:49.039
well, I did get three jobs down. Okay, cool.

00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:51.220
All right. Well, then Rob's in it, too. All right.

00:21:51.339 --> 00:21:53.359
I'll start it off. We'll go to Topher, then Rob.

00:21:53.480 --> 00:21:56.839
That sound good? Sounds good. Cool. Okay. My

00:21:56.839 --> 00:21:59.730
first one is What's a Bigger Threat? Torrential

00:21:59.730 --> 00:22:03.250
flooding, large -scale earthquake at the New

00:22:03.250 --> 00:22:05.990
Madrid fault line, and that's the closest one

00:22:05.990 --> 00:22:09.670
to us. That's why I use the Madrid. Or testifying

00:22:09.670 --> 00:22:14.490
against Hillary Clinton. How am I going to go

00:22:14.490 --> 00:22:17.690
with testifying against Hillary Clinton? Yeah.

00:22:18.470 --> 00:22:21.289
Yeah, I think your survival chance there is pretty,

00:22:21.349 --> 00:22:26.359
pretty small. Yes. Where you can always jump

00:22:26.359 --> 00:22:28.799
in a tree from a flood. You can always, like,

00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:30.700
you know, try to stay away from buildings on

00:22:30.700 --> 00:22:33.099
an earthquake. You know, you testify against

00:22:33.099 --> 00:22:34.920
Hillary, and you're almost certainly dead, it

00:22:34.920 --> 00:22:37.519
seems like, right? Allegedly. Yeah, they'll find

00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:40.099
you anywhere. Yeah, yeah. They'll find you wrapped

00:22:40.099 --> 00:22:41.900
up in Central Park. Allegedly. Yeah, allegedly.

00:22:42.900 --> 00:22:47.599
In a carpet, rolled up in carpet. But you killed

00:22:47.599 --> 00:22:52.019
yourself. You killed yourself, though. Yes. So,

00:22:52.019 --> 00:22:53.839
all right, Topher, let's turn this one to you.

00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:59.259
Okay, which is the bigger threat? Someone hating

00:22:59.259 --> 00:23:04.500
your post on social media, being locked in a

00:23:04.500 --> 00:23:09.759
closet with a dog you don't know, or being cornered

00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:14.240
by people protesting in the street? Oh, that's

00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:18.559
a tough one. Okay, people protesting in the street,

00:23:18.619 --> 00:23:20.279
I'm not afraid of them. They're a bunch of fucking

00:23:20.279 --> 00:23:25.180
freaks. Yeah. Yeah, you know, someone with fucking

00:23:25.180 --> 00:23:28.420
three different hair colors and wearing a tutu

00:23:28.420 --> 00:23:32.599
is not going to kick my ass. I'm sorry. Let's

00:23:32.599 --> 00:23:39.019
see. Okay, what was the first one again? Someone

00:23:39.019 --> 00:23:41.900
hating your post on social media. That's it.

00:23:42.140 --> 00:23:48.220
That's the one. That's the biggest threat. I'm

00:23:48.220 --> 00:23:50.119
going to go with being locked in a closet with

00:23:50.119 --> 00:23:53.950
a dog you don't know. I'm a little claustrophobic

00:23:53.950 --> 00:23:58.049
anyway. I could see that. You know what? I mean,

00:23:58.089 --> 00:24:00.529
it could be a vicious dog. So, you know what?

00:24:00.569 --> 00:24:02.109
I think I'm going to have to go with you on that

00:24:02.109 --> 00:24:05.410
one because I didn't really think that through.

00:24:05.490 --> 00:24:07.529
I was thinking it's like a friendly dog. Like,

00:24:07.529 --> 00:24:11.549
hey, come here, Fido. You know, it could be a

00:24:11.549 --> 00:24:15.750
very pissed off animal. So, okay. Rob? I'm going

00:24:15.750 --> 00:24:19.490
to have to go with the protest. You never know

00:24:19.490 --> 00:24:21.390
what that freak's going to do. They might gang

00:24:21.390 --> 00:24:24.259
up on you. Yeah, this is true. That's a good

00:24:24.259 --> 00:24:26.839
point. Yeah, they might dye my hair four colors.

00:24:28.180 --> 00:24:30.779
Some of them are starting to carry guns at this

00:24:30.779 --> 00:24:34.099
point, too. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right.

00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:38.059
They might probably just peel my loincloth off

00:24:38.059 --> 00:24:45.599
me or something. This is true. We can't have

00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:47.759
that. Rob needs his loincloth. I mean, you've

00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:50.279
got to sell vinyl siding, right? Hell, yeah.

00:24:50.890 --> 00:24:53.569
That's how Rob sells vinyl siding. He walks around

00:24:53.569 --> 00:24:58.309
in his loincloth and people buy it. He does this

00:24:58.309 --> 00:25:03.670
as a pastime. They feel sorry for me. Yeah. Look

00:25:03.670 --> 00:25:05.329
at this poor guy. He can't even afford a pair

00:25:05.329 --> 00:25:10.890
of pants. Yeah. All right, Rob, we turn this

00:25:10.890 --> 00:25:13.190
whole shit show over to you. Okay. All right.

00:25:14.670 --> 00:25:18.549
What's a bigger threat? Budweiser or Schlitz

00:25:18.549 --> 00:25:24.299
the next one? Schlitz. I would say Schlitz. Yeah.

00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:29.799
Schlitz. It rhymes with shits for a reason. Exactly.

00:25:30.759 --> 00:25:33.539
Oh, my God, Danny. I remember growing up, my

00:25:33.539 --> 00:25:36.420
parents, for some reason, drank Schlitz malt

00:25:36.420 --> 00:25:41.059
liquor. Ooh. And, yeah, I don't know why, but

00:25:41.059 --> 00:25:44.119
that was their beer of choice. And I guess it

00:25:44.119 --> 00:25:45.980
was to keep us from drinking beer because it

00:25:45.980 --> 00:25:49.950
tasted like crap. That would do it. Oh, my God.

00:25:50.029 --> 00:25:52.269
Yeah, the bull. Remember they called it the bull?

00:25:53.450 --> 00:25:57.549
Yeah, it was like silver and blue. It made kind

00:25:57.549 --> 00:26:01.450
of an interesting NFL mascot and uniform. Yeah.

00:26:02.630 --> 00:26:06.009
I remember the commercials. Someone would open

00:26:06.009 --> 00:26:08.009
up a Schlitzmalt liquor and a bull would come

00:26:08.009 --> 00:26:10.009
running through the room and almost kill everybody.

00:26:10.150 --> 00:26:13.519
Remember that? Oh, yeah. Wow. I hadn't thought

00:26:13.519 --> 00:26:15.640
about that in a long time. I don't know why I

00:26:15.640 --> 00:26:20.539
did, but I did. All right. Next one. What's a

00:26:20.539 --> 00:26:25.920
bigger threat? Bird flu, mad cow disease, or

00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:31.599
Taco Bell on a queasy stomach? I'm going to say

00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:35.200
Taco Bell. That one speaks for itself. Yeah.

00:26:35.720 --> 00:26:39.059
That's such an immediate threat, doing the Taco

00:26:39.059 --> 00:26:41.380
Bell on a queasy stomach. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're

00:26:41.380 --> 00:26:43.470
going to pay for that, like, right now. Yeah,

00:26:43.490 --> 00:26:45.450
that's going to like hurt you too coming out.

00:26:45.509 --> 00:26:47.109
That's not going to be easy. It's not going to

00:26:47.109 --> 00:26:50.049
be gentle. No, that's going to be like half of

00:26:50.049 --> 00:26:54.549
my innards is in the toilet right now. You know,

00:26:54.549 --> 00:27:02.089
like intestines, bone chips, everything. That

00:27:02.089 --> 00:27:05.029
gum you swallowed in the seventh grade? Yeah,

00:27:05.029 --> 00:27:10.589
it finally came out. Yeah. I was like, wow, I

00:27:10.589 --> 00:27:13.230
haven't had corn in a year. How the fuck did

00:27:13.230 --> 00:27:22.650
that get in there? All right. Topher? All right.

00:27:22.730 --> 00:27:26.130
Which is the bigger threat? Eating food you found

00:27:26.130 --> 00:27:31.329
on the bus, a date with someone who has nep mouth,

00:27:31.690 --> 00:27:37.890
or your local school board? Local school board.

00:27:41.549 --> 00:27:43.230
Yeah, I kind of stacked the deck on that one,

00:27:43.289 --> 00:27:46.109
didn't I? You did. Yeah, you did. Local school

00:27:46.109 --> 00:27:50.809
board, without a doubt. Yep. Yep. That's crimes

00:27:50.809 --> 00:27:53.250
against humanity right there. Yes, it is. Yeah.

00:27:53.390 --> 00:27:56.049
Yeah. You know, if you ever want to torture somebody,

00:27:56.130 --> 00:27:58.150
you make them go to the school board twice a

00:27:58.150 --> 00:28:01.349
week. Yeah. They'll end up killing themselves.

00:28:02.789 --> 00:28:08.670
Yeah. I'm kidding. All right, Rob. Okay. What's

00:28:08.670 --> 00:28:18.210
a bigger threat? Upset wife or upset? because

00:28:18.210 --> 00:28:20.930
the wife will definitely take her side. Bingo.

00:28:21.210 --> 00:28:25.269
Yes. Yes. Yeah, and the mother -in -law can keep

00:28:25.269 --> 00:28:29.049
your wife stirred up for months. Yes. You still

00:28:29.049 --> 00:28:34.049
married to that dumb son of a bitch? Yeah. Yeah.

00:28:35.190 --> 00:28:37.309
Yeah, that relationship with your mother -in

00:28:37.309 --> 00:28:40.430
-law is pretty important. Yes, it is. Yes. Yep.

00:28:41.210 --> 00:28:43.349
They always say, watch who you're marrying, look

00:28:43.349 --> 00:28:50.750
at their mom. your wife will turn out to be that,

00:28:50.809 --> 00:28:53.130
or she's doing everything possible to be the

00:28:53.130 --> 00:28:56.950
opposite of that. Bingo, yeah. I think there's

00:28:56.950 --> 00:28:58.289
a lot of truth to that, and it's probably the

00:28:58.289 --> 00:29:00.210
same way with men, too. It's just, you know,

00:29:00.250 --> 00:29:05.769
I don't see it because I'm male, so. Yep. All

00:29:05.769 --> 00:29:11.670
right, Rob. Oh, it goes back to you now. What

00:29:11.670 --> 00:29:15.029
now? It goes back to you now. Oh, does it? Oh,

00:29:15.029 --> 00:29:17.950
shit. Okay, sorry. You know what? It does, don't

00:29:17.950 --> 00:29:21.450
it? All right. What's the biggest threat? Global

00:29:21.450 --> 00:29:26.390
warming, the Doomsday Glacier, or accidentally

00:29:26.390 --> 00:29:32.630
hearing Beyonce's Cowboy Carter record? Oh. Beyonce's

00:29:32.630 --> 00:29:35.869
Cowboy Carter record, without a doubt. Yeah,

00:29:35.869 --> 00:29:39.690
I just start to hurt. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry

00:29:39.690 --> 00:29:43.990
about that. I know that hurt. I'm sorry. Now

00:29:43.990 --> 00:29:46.750
you're thinking about that horrible thing. Yeah,

00:29:46.769 --> 00:29:49.809
it's like pouring Drano into your ears. It's

00:29:49.809 --> 00:29:54.670
just, oh, that's it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry.

00:29:54.789 --> 00:29:56.750
We don't ever have to think about that again.

00:29:56.789 --> 00:29:59.069
I'm sorry, that question's over. I apologize.

00:30:00.109 --> 00:30:07.329
Okay, thank you. All right, my next one. Which

00:30:07.329 --> 00:30:10.390
is the bigger threat? A waitress who has the

00:30:10.390 --> 00:30:14.440
shakes? A dentist? who you catch is zipping up

00:30:14.440 --> 00:30:18.819
his pants as you wake up from the gas, or whatever

00:30:18.819 --> 00:30:21.599
woke movie Disney is probably working on right

00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:29.440
now. Disney. Yeah. It's hard to go against the

00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:32.099
mouse, isn't it? Yeah, I don't need another lesson

00:30:32.099 --> 00:30:36.900
from Disney, okay? But thanks, Disney. You're

00:30:36.900 --> 00:30:39.059
still going to be a little groggy. You'll think

00:30:39.059 --> 00:30:42.920
you just imagined it. Yeah, yeah. You'll mark

00:30:42.920 --> 00:30:45.640
that one off as, all right, that'll learn you.

00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:49.480
You know? Yeah. You're like, all right, okay,

00:30:49.579 --> 00:30:52.099
so the guy got one on me, okay? Still, all right.

00:30:52.180 --> 00:30:55.559
I think he cut my bill down a little bit. Sounds

00:30:55.559 --> 00:30:58.000
like none of us are afraid of the waitress who

00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:04.700
has the shakes. No, no. I'll just go up and get

00:31:04.700 --> 00:31:08.200
my own soda. The food's not even going to make

00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:19.579
it to you, so. True, true. Alright, Rob. Alright,

00:31:19.799 --> 00:31:22.599
and this is the last one I came up with. That's

00:31:22.599 --> 00:31:27.059
fine. Real quick. What's a bigger threat? A rabid

00:31:27.059 --> 00:31:32.200
dog or a pissed off mama cat? Pissed off mama

00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:39.549
cat. Yeah, I think the cat. is probably the bigger

00:31:39.549 --> 00:31:41.829
threat because it's probably going to climb all

00:31:41.829 --> 00:31:43.910
over you and you're not going to be able to peel

00:31:43.910 --> 00:31:47.589
it off. Oh, yeah, yeah. A cat, yeah. Yeah, they

00:31:47.589 --> 00:31:54.589
get fucking insane. Hmm. I have a rabid dog.

00:31:54.630 --> 00:31:57.329
You can always take the shot. Yeah, this is true.

00:31:57.470 --> 00:32:00.390
I watched somebody jump in on a mama cat and

00:32:00.390 --> 00:32:06.329
a dog one day tore them up. Oh, yeah. That dog

00:32:06.329 --> 00:32:10.069
didn't have a... Yeah, that dog... climbing toast.

00:32:10.410 --> 00:32:17.190
There's blood everywhere. I got stupid right

00:32:17.190 --> 00:32:21.809
in between them. Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah.

00:32:23.569 --> 00:32:28.470
Alright, next one. What is a bigger threat? Oceanic

00:32:28.470 --> 00:32:32.529
dead zones, resource depletion, or inner thigh

00:32:32.529 --> 00:32:40.140
chafing? I'm going to go inner thigh. Yeah. Yeah,

00:32:41.539 --> 00:32:44.019
yeah, that's horrible. I think we can live with

00:32:44.019 --> 00:32:50.200
it. Oh, yeah. You're fucked. All day you're fucked.

00:32:50.420 --> 00:32:53.720
In the morning you're like, not already? What

00:32:53.720 --> 00:33:01.670
the hell? It should at least wait until 2. and

00:33:01.670 --> 00:33:03.890
then you have a little bit of like anal leakage,

00:33:03.970 --> 00:33:06.309
so that's in there burning your back door because

00:33:06.309 --> 00:33:13.750
you had a cocktail the night before. That's when

00:33:13.750 --> 00:33:15.730
you're lying in the corner crying and asking

00:33:15.730 --> 00:33:23.650
God, why you? Why did I have to be, why did it

00:33:23.650 --> 00:33:30.470
happen to me? I should not have had that last

00:33:30.470 --> 00:33:37.099
chalupa. Yeah. It's like, the damn inner thigh's

00:33:37.099 --> 00:33:44.819
enough. Anal leakage? Fuck. If people found that

00:33:44.819 --> 00:33:48.240
out, they'd take up a collection for you. They'd

00:33:48.240 --> 00:33:50.920
be like, what's going on with Topher? Hang on,

00:33:50.940 --> 00:33:55.000
come over here. Yeah, he has inner thigh chafing

00:33:55.000 --> 00:34:00.569
and anal leakage. What? Shh, shh, shh. I'm trying

00:34:00.569 --> 00:34:03.210
to get a little, I'm trying to get, how much

00:34:03.210 --> 00:34:05.609
does he need? I don't know, what can you afford?

00:34:05.930 --> 00:34:12.090
Here's 300, okay? I'll have more tonight. All

00:34:12.090 --> 00:34:14.409
right, Topher, what's a bigger threat? Go ahead,

00:34:14.510 --> 00:34:18.230
I'm sorry. All right, which is the bigger threat?

00:34:19.309 --> 00:34:23.010
Springtime flash floods, the coming tornado season,

00:34:23.269 --> 00:34:27.090
or a celebrity with millions of fans and a bunch

00:34:27.090 --> 00:34:30.530
of opinions? A celebrity with millions of fans

00:34:30.530 --> 00:34:37.230
and a bunch of opinions. I'm really liking this

00:34:37.230 --> 00:34:44.110
new game. What about you guys? Yeah, I am. Yeah,

00:34:44.269 --> 00:34:47.389
this one right here, this game might involve

00:34:47.389 --> 00:34:50.789
a couple of gummies. I'm not for sure. Rumor

00:34:50.789 --> 00:34:53.590
has it, word on the street is maybe this really

00:34:53.590 --> 00:34:56.409
potent gummy. Might have made me think weird

00:34:56.409 --> 00:34:59.289
shit like that, but I can't confirm that. Cannot

00:34:59.289 --> 00:35:06.530
confirm that. All right. What is a bigger threat?

00:35:07.030 --> 00:35:12.329
Nuclear war, bioweapons, or Nancy Pelosi getting

00:35:12.329 --> 00:35:19.110
drunk and trying to sext you? Oh, my God. I just

00:35:19.110 --> 00:35:20.989
threw up in my mouth, guys. Hang on. I'll be

00:35:20.989 --> 00:35:28.210
right back. Anything. Oh, my God. Wow. You imagine

00:35:28.210 --> 00:35:33.429
her wrinkled tits. Oh. Hanging down to her belly

00:35:33.429 --> 00:35:36.329
button. Come here, fella. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

00:35:36.369 --> 00:35:38.710
Hey, here. Here, I got some ice cream and fucking

00:35:38.710 --> 00:35:41.670
vodka. Come on, bitch. Come on. Lick some off

00:35:41.670 --> 00:35:45.110
of me. How many acres of meat curtains do you

00:35:45.110 --> 00:35:47.710
think she has? Oh, my God. Oh, wow. You'd have

00:35:47.710 --> 00:35:49.630
to tie them in like three knots to keep them

00:35:49.630 --> 00:35:55.840
from flapping. Steven Tyler's mouth out there.

00:35:58.320 --> 00:36:01.239
She could never get on the back of a bike. Her

00:36:01.239 --> 00:36:03.659
fucking meat flaps would flap so bad it would

00:36:03.659 --> 00:36:15.119
stop all motion. I'm sorry about the vigil, guys.

00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:18.579
I'm sorry. Everyone's getting their money's worth

00:36:18.579 --> 00:36:21.460
this time, isn't there? Yes, they are. Good thing

00:36:21.460 --> 00:36:28.269
they don't pay for it, right? Okay. Is it my

00:36:28.269 --> 00:36:32.190
turn? Yes. All right. Which is the bigger threat?

00:36:32.969 --> 00:36:37.809
Processed food, NFL halftime shows, or people

00:36:37.809 --> 00:36:43.369
who think what they see on TV is real? Ooh. Well,

00:36:43.409 --> 00:36:46.130
I want to say halftime shows, but I think people

00:36:46.130 --> 00:36:49.210
thinking what they see on TV is real, because

00:36:49.210 --> 00:36:53.679
that affects me more. to go against that one.

00:36:53.840 --> 00:36:56.639
Yeah, people think stupid shit and then they

00:36:56.639 --> 00:37:00.840
act stupidly. And I got to be around it. Yeah,

00:37:00.860 --> 00:37:04.380
and I got to be around it. So, as much as the

00:37:04.380 --> 00:37:08.199
Super Bowl halftime show is almost a tie, I'm

00:37:08.199 --> 00:37:11.920
going to have to go with the stupid people. Yeah,

00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:15.079
yeah. Yeah, I got to go with the stupid people

00:37:15.079 --> 00:37:18.320
that think the halftime show is stupid. Yeah.

00:37:19.599 --> 00:37:22.940
Oh, look at Bad Bunny. Oh, look at that. He fell

00:37:22.940 --> 00:37:25.519
through the ceiling, and now he's in a house

00:37:25.519 --> 00:37:29.019
of people from Portugal. Isn't that neat? What

00:37:29.019 --> 00:37:34.699
does it mean? I don't know. Fucking weird shit.

00:37:34.860 --> 00:37:40.239
Okay, all right. What is a bigger threat? Another

00:37:40.239 --> 00:37:45.739
pandemic? A giant runaway asteroid? Or another

00:37:45.739 --> 00:37:52.269
season of The Masked Singer? Masked singer. Masked

00:37:52.269 --> 00:37:55.150
singer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they need to put that

00:37:55.150 --> 00:37:56.989
thing to bed. They need to, like, go ahead and

00:37:56.989 --> 00:37:59.230
put a bullet in its head and just go ahead and

00:37:59.230 --> 00:38:04.230
put it out of its misery. When I see our previews

00:38:04.230 --> 00:38:07.289
for that and I see the judges or hosts or whatever,

00:38:07.530 --> 00:38:11.969
it must be exhausting to fake that level of excitement

00:38:11.969 --> 00:38:15.409
and enthusiasm over something that's just so

00:38:15.409 --> 00:38:18.690
simple and so ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like,

00:38:18.789 --> 00:38:22.190
the one guy off of the Hangover movies, that

00:38:22.190 --> 00:38:26.409
guy, he overacts so much on that. And it's like,

00:38:26.489 --> 00:38:31.510
he's like, oh! And it's like, it wasn't that

00:38:31.510 --> 00:38:33.889
thrilling. It wasn't that funny, dude. It's like,

00:38:33.989 --> 00:38:36.570
come on. Now, when you run around fucking naked

00:38:36.570 --> 00:38:40.489
in that movie, it was great. But you doing this,

00:38:40.570 --> 00:38:44.389
acting like this is exciting, is not great. You

00:38:44.389 --> 00:38:48.460
know? I'm sure that he's enjoying taking all

00:38:48.460 --> 00:38:50.980
those checks to the bank and cashing them. But

00:38:50.980 --> 00:38:53.860
from my point, there are some things I won't

00:38:53.860 --> 00:38:56.619
do, no matter how much money you offer me. I

00:38:56.619 --> 00:38:58.519
want to be able to look at my reflection in the

00:38:58.519 --> 00:39:02.059
mirror and say, I respect you. I would agree.

00:39:02.340 --> 00:39:06.300
I agree. You don't see what's -his -name, the

00:39:06.300 --> 00:39:08.639
fucking hairy guy, what's -his -name from the

00:39:08.639 --> 00:39:15.900
movies. Clint Eastwood? Yeah. Yeah. You'll see

00:39:15.900 --> 00:39:18.719
him taking something like that. You know, he's

00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:21.300
smoking a cigarette and fucking going to kill

00:39:21.300 --> 00:39:24.579
you if you give him a dirty look. You'll see

00:39:24.579 --> 00:39:27.280
him going, oh, my God, that's sick. Oh, I did

00:39:27.280 --> 00:39:33.719
not know that was Mike Tyson. Oh, my God. I can't

00:39:33.719 --> 00:39:36.360
see Clint Eastwood acting like Deion Sanders

00:39:36.360 --> 00:39:38.940
did in those Affleck commercials. Oh, gosh, yeah.

00:39:39.869 --> 00:39:42.369
Oh, man, you're talking about a prostitute. Oh,

00:39:43.329 --> 00:39:48.570
my God. And then fucking Nick Saban, too. Oh,

00:39:48.650 --> 00:39:51.889
my gosh. Yeah, yeah. But Sanders acts worse than

00:39:51.889 --> 00:39:54.670
Saban. Saban's just kind of like, he's like the

00:39:54.670 --> 00:39:56.690
wise old man. He always says something like,

00:39:56.789 --> 00:40:01.070
Aflac means money. Where Dion's marching with

00:40:01.070 --> 00:40:05.789
a fucking duck. Yeah. No offense, Rob. No offense.

00:40:08.630 --> 00:40:16.159
Rob? Okay. All right. Do you have any more? Is

00:40:16.159 --> 00:40:22.380
that it? I've got one more. Oh, okay. Shall I

00:40:22.380 --> 00:40:26.000
do it? Yeah. Yes, please. All right. Which is

00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:29.400
the bigger threat? Mark Zuckerberg, who recently

00:40:29.400 --> 00:40:33.559
wore his VR glasses in court to try to intimidate

00:40:33.559 --> 00:40:38.320
the judge. The fake Jim Carrey that they're trying

00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:42.599
to pass off on us. Or AI being able to look at

00:40:42.599 --> 00:40:44.960
your face through your phone's selfie cam and

00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:47.519
tell exactly what you're thinking with over 80

00:40:47.519 --> 00:40:53.320
% accuracy? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to say AI looking

00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:59.159
at you. Although Zuckerberg and what was the

00:40:59.159 --> 00:41:04.059
middle one? I'm sorry. The fake Jim Carrey that

00:41:04.059 --> 00:41:06.559
they're trying to pass off on us. Okay, what's

00:41:06.559 --> 00:41:08.739
the fake Jim Carrey? I'm sorry, I agree with

00:41:08.739 --> 00:41:10.500
the last one. I think that that's the biggest

00:41:10.500 --> 00:41:13.519
threat of the AI looking at us through our phone

00:41:13.519 --> 00:41:15.719
and being able to figure out what we're thinking.

00:41:15.840 --> 00:41:17.960
But what is the fake Jim Carrey? I'm unfamiliar.

00:41:19.599 --> 00:41:22.920
He showed up at a red carpet event, I think,

00:41:22.920 --> 00:41:27.699
last night or very recently. And he looked so

00:41:27.699 --> 00:41:30.199
incredibly different that most people are looking

00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:32.260
at him and saying, that's not even the same man.

00:41:32.340 --> 00:41:35.409
This is a replacement. But you ought to Google

00:41:35.409 --> 00:41:39.510
Jim Carrey images and see how he looks now as

00:41:39.510 --> 00:41:41.929
compared to how he used to look. I will definitely

00:41:41.929 --> 00:41:46.289
do that. Okay. It wouldn't be the first time

00:41:46.289 --> 00:41:49.929
something like that happened. Yep. I mean, if

00:41:49.929 --> 00:41:52.269
you believe Paul McCartney, if you believe that,

00:41:52.269 --> 00:41:55.170
Paul McCartney, you know, was supposedly replaced.

00:41:56.269 --> 00:41:59.170
Yeah, right. I'd have a harder time believing

00:41:59.170 --> 00:42:01.869
that, though, because you'd have to find somebody

00:42:01.869 --> 00:42:20.110
that could sing. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Well, supposedly

00:42:20.110 --> 00:42:24.869
Jim Carrey changed his look because he was tired

00:42:24.869 --> 00:42:31.070
of being recognized in public and, you know,

00:42:31.070 --> 00:42:33.190
playing the thing. same old characters all the

00:42:33.190 --> 00:42:36.510
time but i call bs on that because if you're

00:42:36.510 --> 00:42:39.210
tired of being recognized in public why are you

00:42:39.210 --> 00:42:41.349
publicly showing everybody your brand new face

00:42:41.349 --> 00:42:44.289
so we can all recognize you now oh that's a great

00:42:44.289 --> 00:42:48.789
point yeah i call bullshit on that too it just

00:42:48.789 --> 00:42:51.650
doesn't make sense no it doesn't no i don't believe

00:42:51.650 --> 00:42:53.710
that at all there's something else going on i

00:42:53.710 --> 00:42:58.559
think wow Okay, all right. I'm going to look

00:42:58.559 --> 00:43:00.820
that up, but I say on that one, stay tuned. I

00:43:00.820 --> 00:43:03.760
think there's more coming from that. I would

00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:06.880
think so, yeah. Okay, all right. Should we take

00:43:06.880 --> 00:43:09.219
our first break and come back with some emails?

00:43:10.619 --> 00:43:15.000
Yeah. We've got some really good ones, man. They've

00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:17.519
upped the bar because we have this new type of

00:43:17.519 --> 00:43:20.010
a program going on. There's some good shit in

00:43:20.010 --> 00:43:22.150
there, so I want to hear everybody's opinions

00:43:22.150 --> 00:43:24.690
on everything. So we will be right back here

00:43:24.690 --> 00:43:26.369
in a minute. It's an island of horrible jokes.

00:43:29.550 --> 00:43:33.389
Someone took the fifth month out of my calendar.

00:43:34.130 --> 00:43:39.329
I'm dismayed. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.

00:43:43.969 --> 00:43:48.309
So let me see. Let's say I was offended by people

00:43:48.309 --> 00:43:51.969
being offended. Then would people being offended

00:43:51.969 --> 00:43:54.309
all the time would have to not be offended around

00:43:54.309 --> 00:43:56.650
me because I was offended by them being offended?

00:43:58.170 --> 00:44:07.610
Hmm. I may never know. This is Joshua Belmont,

00:44:07.690 --> 00:44:10.880
your food for thought man on the hustle. Today,

00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:13.840
we need to focus on the genius Franklin Harris

00:44:13.840 --> 00:44:17.619
for inventing the jukebox override. Some dumbass

00:44:17.619 --> 00:44:20.300
puts down a hundred on the Melvins to last all

00:44:20.300 --> 00:44:23.920
night. No worry, thanks to Mr. Harris. Just put

00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:26.480
in a buck a song to override shitty music and

00:44:26.480 --> 00:44:30.260
you can be the hero. Mr. Harris, not many stop

00:44:30.260 --> 00:44:33.360
to admire your fine work, but we do here at Two

00:44:33.360 --> 00:44:36.280
Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank you, Mr. Harris,

00:44:36.340 --> 00:44:40.880
for being a patriotic, great human being. Hey,

00:44:40.900 --> 00:44:43.840
my fellow heavy breathers, this is Dash Riptide,

00:44:43.980 --> 00:44:49.699
your music news. Sharon Osbourne recently discussed

00:44:49.699 --> 00:44:52.360
the constant battle it was to keep Ozzy sober.

00:44:52.639 --> 00:44:55.579
One time in Dallas, Sharon was sick of Ozzy's

00:44:55.579 --> 00:44:57.619
binge drinking and locked him in his hotel room

00:44:57.619 --> 00:45:00.340
naked and took all his clothes so he couldn't

00:45:00.340 --> 00:45:03.599
get alcohol from the lobby. Sharon also put a

00:45:03.599 --> 00:45:06.760
block on room service. Sharon returned and sure

00:45:06.760 --> 00:45:08.960
enough, Ozzy was smashed and had liquor to boot.

00:45:09.340 --> 00:45:11.579
This happened several times until Sharon finally

00:45:11.579 --> 00:45:14.599
asked Ozzy how he is able to get drinks naked

00:45:14.599 --> 00:45:18.199
without clothes to put on. Ozzy said, you didn't

00:45:18.199 --> 00:45:20.699
take your clothes away from our room, so I dressed

00:45:20.699 --> 00:45:25.860
in drag and I got my drink downstairs. Pretty

00:45:25.860 --> 00:45:30.199
genius. Good job, Ozzy. This is Dash Rooktine,

00:45:30.380 --> 00:45:33.679
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,

00:45:33.800 --> 00:45:44.179
you probably have ear damage, just like me. Two

00:45:44.179 --> 00:45:46.460
douchebags and microphone in an effort to keep

00:45:46.460 --> 00:45:51.980
everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.

00:45:53.219 --> 00:45:58.940
Damn it. I can't decide between nachos, chili,

00:45:59.260 --> 00:46:04.699
or wings for the game tonight. This is bullshit.

00:46:04.800 --> 00:46:06.940
I should not have to make decisions like this.

00:46:07.940 --> 00:46:11.980
Hey there. We all have those annoying co -workers

00:46:11.980 --> 00:46:15.489
that do nothing. There's nothing we can do about

00:46:15.489 --> 00:46:17.849
it because HR departments are running scared

00:46:17.849 --> 00:46:20.829
of lawyers. So we have to work with these worthless

00:46:20.829 --> 00:46:24.070
pieces of garbage. But we have to communicate

00:46:24.070 --> 00:46:27.150
about them without them knowing about it. Here

00:46:27.150 --> 00:46:29.269
at Two Douchebags Microphone, we developed a

00:46:29.269 --> 00:46:31.130
way that you can speak about them right in front

00:46:31.130 --> 00:46:34.030
of them without them knowing about it. Stay tuned.

00:46:35.090 --> 00:46:38.929
Cordless only works 40 minutes. E .T. always

00:46:38.929 --> 00:46:43.159
wants to go home. Kit Kat always taking a break.

00:46:44.739 --> 00:46:47.559
Muffler always exhausted. Seaweed floats around

00:46:47.559 --> 00:46:52.619
all day. Sensor light only works when someone

00:46:52.619 --> 00:46:57.920
walks by. Wheelbarrow only works when pushed.

00:46:58.340 --> 00:47:00.300
Have you ever wondered what something came about?

00:47:00.579 --> 00:47:02.659
Have you ever looked at something and said, hmm,

00:47:02.739 --> 00:47:05.780
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so

00:47:05.780 --> 00:47:09.679
have we. That's why we give you The Origin Of.

00:47:11.630 --> 00:47:15.230
The origin of the goatee. The goatee is a beard

00:47:15.230 --> 00:47:17.590
style that dates back to ancient Greece and Rome,

00:47:17.769 --> 00:47:20.630
and is named for its resemblance to a goat's

00:47:20.630 --> 00:47:23.650
beard. The goatee has been worn by many famous

00:47:23.650 --> 00:47:25.869
men throughout history, including Uncle Sam,

00:47:26.090 --> 00:47:29.710
Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock. The gobham was

00:47:29.710 --> 00:47:32.070
often depicted with a goatee, and in medieval

00:47:32.070 --> 00:47:34.530
and renaissance art, Satan was depicted with

00:47:34.530 --> 00:47:37.809
a goatee as well. The goatee became popular again

00:47:37.809 --> 00:47:41.440
in 1940s. as the defining trait of the beatniks

00:47:41.440 --> 00:47:44.139
and jazz musicians. It fell out of favor again

00:47:44.139 --> 00:47:46.940
in the 1960s, but became fashionable again in

00:47:46.940 --> 00:47:50.300
the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee originated

00:47:50.300 --> 00:47:53.559
in the late 20th century. It was originally called

00:47:53.559 --> 00:47:57.699
a goatee. Our constant pursuit for a real knee

00:47:57.699 --> 00:48:00.920
slapper. It's strange insults from an alien.

00:48:01.320 --> 00:48:12.230
Real hilarity. My mom told me to not burn trash.

00:48:12.769 --> 00:48:29.130
I am Mark here in the Kansas City Metroplex Extreme

00:48:29.130 --> 00:48:40.000
Southern Tip at the Talk is Cheap Studio. in

00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:42.440
Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent

00:48:42.440 --> 00:48:45.699
Lucas Oil Speedway and water track, and also

00:48:45.699 --> 00:48:48.440
home of Iqbal Country Store, where you can find

00:48:48.440 --> 00:48:51.960
all your needs, including a selfie with the green

00:48:51.960 --> 00:48:56.800
St. Clair dinosaur with the big sloth. In the

00:48:56.800 --> 00:49:02.940
DuckBot studio. And this is Topher just out of

00:49:02.940 --> 00:49:07.030
Waldo. close enough to hear the alleged shootings

00:49:07.030 --> 00:49:09.949
that happened in the Ward Parkway Center parking

00:49:09.949 --> 00:49:13.869
lot. And I'm in the Paisley Possum studio where

00:49:13.869 --> 00:49:16.050
I'm proud to say that even though it's been raining

00:49:16.050 --> 00:49:19.590
all day, it is not leaking at all. Very good.

00:49:19.909 --> 00:49:25.070
Very cool. So there was a shooting up there at

00:49:25.070 --> 00:49:29.329
Ward Parkway again? Not recently, but there have

00:49:29.329 --> 00:49:39.280
been. Oh, there's been a few. I hear them, too.

00:49:39.380 --> 00:49:43.440
I just blame it on Grandview. Yeah, that could

00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:46.739
be. Yeah, whenever I hear a gunshot, I'm like,

00:49:46.800 --> 00:49:52.039
Grandview, settle down. All right, we got some

00:49:52.039 --> 00:49:54.039
emails, and we got a few of them, and there are

00:49:54.039 --> 00:49:56.380
some really good ones, and guys, keep them coming.

00:49:57.559 --> 00:49:59.760
There's some good shit in here, and we have our

00:49:59.760 --> 00:50:02.900
regulars plus some new people chiming in. So

00:50:02.900 --> 00:50:06.059
this is great. This is what we want. All right,

00:50:06.079 --> 00:50:09.809
the first one. Hey guys, Executive Order 11110

00:50:09.809 --> 00:50:13.570
was in order to abolish the Federal Reserve's

00:50:13.570 --> 00:50:16.329
power and make it to where they couldn't loan

00:50:16.329 --> 00:50:20.170
or look over the U .S. monetary supply. The theory

00:50:20.170 --> 00:50:25.610
is President Kennedy was assassinated seven months

00:50:25.610 --> 00:50:30.670
after he did this executive order to limit the

00:50:30.670 --> 00:50:34.769
Federal Reserve's power. And anyhow, he went

00:50:34.769 --> 00:50:38.090
on to say, I'm not certain. Could you guys maybe

00:50:38.090 --> 00:50:41.230
look into this? I love the addition of Topher

00:50:41.230 --> 00:50:43.909
to the franchise show. Thank you, Ronnie and

00:50:43.909 --> 00:50:48.789
Tulsa, the Tulsa King. And Ronnie and Tulsa is

00:50:48.789 --> 00:50:51.690
royalty, Topher. He's been writing for a long

00:50:51.690 --> 00:50:56.110
time. I really appreciate him welcoming me back

00:50:56.110 --> 00:50:59.230
into the fold here. I'm really having a good

00:50:59.230 --> 00:51:03.579
time, and I'm glad so far people like it. the

00:51:03.579 --> 00:51:07.559
feedback has been phenomenal. They love it. I

00:51:07.559 --> 00:51:10.940
did too. When I first heard it, I'm like, that's

00:51:10.940 --> 00:51:13.960
it. That's what we're, this, what we have right

00:51:13.960 --> 00:51:16.019
here is what we've been aiming to do the whole

00:51:16.019 --> 00:51:19.679
time. This is what, this is it. I feel like Sally

00:51:19.679 --> 00:51:22.619
Fields at the Oscar going, they like me. They

00:51:22.619 --> 00:51:29.019
really, really like her. Burt Reynolds in the

00:51:29.019 --> 00:51:35.300
background going, bitch, get off the stage. Bitch,

00:51:35.420 --> 00:51:39.039
this ain't your show. This is mine. All right.

00:51:39.480 --> 00:51:42.440
Okay. I went ahead and looked this up. It said,

00:51:42.519 --> 00:51:45.579
no, President John F. Kennedy did not halt or

00:51:45.579 --> 00:51:48.320
abolish the Federal Reserve System. The theory

00:51:48.320 --> 00:51:52.119
that Executive Order 11110 was an attempt to

00:51:52.119 --> 00:51:54.900
strip the Federal Reserve of its power or issue

00:51:54.900 --> 00:52:00.460
currency independent of it. It's a persistent

00:52:00.460 --> 00:52:04.659
miss. that's been going on. In reality, the order

00:52:04.659 --> 00:52:08.139
was a technical adjustment to manage silver reserves

00:52:08.139 --> 00:52:11.539
and actually empowered the issuance of silver

00:52:11.539 --> 00:52:14.599
certificates through the Treasury. So that's

00:52:14.599 --> 00:52:16.880
how come they can give out silver certificates

00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:20.119
now instead of silver. That was this Executive

00:52:20.119 --> 00:52:27.139
Order 11110. Ah, okay. And it wasn't replacing

00:52:27.139 --> 00:52:30.320
the Federal Reserve's primary authority. What

00:52:30.320 --> 00:52:32.980
it really kind of did was it enhanced the authority.

00:52:33.500 --> 00:52:37.900
So, no, that wasn't the reason he was, you know,

00:52:37.900 --> 00:52:40.920
shot. That was not the reason. I think you can

00:52:40.920 --> 00:52:43.880
look at the guy that was vice president for that,

00:52:43.960 --> 00:52:48.599
probably, allegedly. Lyndon B. Johnson, the guy

00:52:48.599 --> 00:52:52.000
who used to win a lot of arguments by throwing

00:52:52.000 --> 00:52:56.980
his humongous penis on the table. Is it bigger

00:52:56.980 --> 00:53:00.579
than the dinosaur? You know what? I don't know.

00:53:01.340 --> 00:53:28.170
It would be close. slam it on the table so hard

00:53:28.170 --> 00:53:30.449
it would shake the table, and everyone would

00:53:30.449 --> 00:53:37.190
go, all right, Mr. President, you won. Don't

00:53:37.190 --> 00:53:39.429
wave that thing anywhere near me. Yeah, he has

00:53:39.429 --> 00:53:42.750
like... I'll vote your way. Don't take that thing

00:53:42.750 --> 00:53:46.849
near me. Yeah, I agree with you 100%. Look the

00:53:46.849 --> 00:53:52.050
other way, please. Thank you. All right, the

00:53:52.050 --> 00:53:55.369
next one. Rob, could you crochet some bass lures

00:53:55.369 --> 00:53:59.110
for me in the volunteer fire department? I would

00:53:59.110 --> 00:54:02.230
also like a loincloth. I'm learning how to embroider.

00:54:02.550 --> 00:54:08.969
I'm going to mark a muzzle. Bitch. Anyhow. Mitch,

00:54:09.090 --> 00:54:11.409
the guy that pissed on the burnt district monument

00:54:11.409 --> 00:54:14.289
in front of Cass County Courthouse. Jail and

00:54:14.289 --> 00:54:16.769
municipal offices. All right, Mitch, you redeemed

00:54:16.769 --> 00:54:20.730
yourself. Yes, he did. Yeah, by pissing on that.

00:54:21.099 --> 00:54:24.800
God -awful monument. Did I ever tell you about

00:54:24.800 --> 00:54:27.320
the monument, Topher, that's out in front of

00:54:27.320 --> 00:54:30.800
the Cass County Courthouse on 2 Highway? I don't

00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:34.280
think so. Okay. Oh. Okay, a little back story.

00:54:34.340 --> 00:54:36.239
I've got to tell you this here real quick. Okay.

00:54:36.420 --> 00:54:42.119
The Burt District in history, it was a response

00:54:42.119 --> 00:54:47.039
to the Bushwhackers and the Jayhawkers. The Bushwhackers

00:54:47.039 --> 00:54:50.969
were Missouri. And the Jayhawks, the Civil War,

00:54:51.110 --> 00:54:54.550
and the Jayhawkers, of course, were Kansas. They

00:54:54.550 --> 00:54:56.949
burned down Lawrence, and they knew they were

00:54:56.949 --> 00:55:00.550
going to get retaliation. So what the Bushwhackers

00:55:00.550 --> 00:55:03.070
did was they burnt that whole area around Harrisonville

00:55:03.070 --> 00:55:06.929
so they could see the Jayhawkers coming and kill

00:55:06.929 --> 00:55:09.610
them before they got there. And they call that

00:55:09.610 --> 00:55:13.440
the Burnt District. They wanted to put up a monument,

00:55:13.619 --> 00:55:16.699
a statue for this burnt district. So do you know

00:55:16.699 --> 00:55:22.300
what they came up with, Topher? That's bound

00:55:22.300 --> 00:55:24.960
to be something really stupid, like maybe somebody

00:55:24.960 --> 00:55:30.719
on fire? A fireplace. A fireplace. Yes, a giant

00:55:30.719 --> 00:55:41.800
fireplace. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh. It is the stupidest

00:55:41.800 --> 00:55:46.599
fucking monument I've ever seen in my life. And

00:55:46.599 --> 00:55:50.099
everybody wonders why I moved out of Cass County.

00:55:50.760 --> 00:55:54.320
I did too. It's like reaching for the sugar in

00:55:54.320 --> 00:55:56.500
your cabinet and grabbing the charcoal briquette

00:55:56.500 --> 00:56:02.320
instead. This is fine. This will work. Here,

00:56:02.380 --> 00:56:10.699
throw that on my cereal. Oh, God. Yeah. Maybe

00:56:10.699 --> 00:56:14.179
they just turned the job over to some AI and

00:56:14.179 --> 00:56:16.739
didn't double check it. That's it. They're like,

00:56:16.840 --> 00:56:19.300
hey, AI. Hey, Gemini, come here. Yeah, what?

00:56:20.139 --> 00:56:24.139
Make us a burnt district monument. Hmm. Burnt.

00:56:24.139 --> 00:56:29.519
Okay. Fireplace. Yeah. Yeah. So, anyhow. All

00:56:29.519 --> 00:56:34.500
right. Oh, Rob, are you going to, I mean, even

00:56:34.500 --> 00:56:35.940
though he's going to make me a muzzle, are you

00:56:35.940 --> 00:56:39.400
going to teach him how to crochet? In my spare

00:56:39.400 --> 00:56:43.139
time. And give him a loincloth, too? Yeah, in

00:56:43.139 --> 00:56:46.619
my spare time, I will. Okay. For that one, I

00:56:46.619 --> 00:56:49.840
have to. Alright, Mitch, number one, fuck you.

00:56:49.860 --> 00:56:51.980
Number two, great job pissing on that monument.

00:56:52.940 --> 00:56:57.219
Oh, and number three, fuck you. Oh, and number

00:56:57.219 --> 00:57:01.960
four, fuck you. Alright. Hey, guys. I love you,

00:57:02.019 --> 00:57:09.639
Mitch. Mitch, you're a penis face. Mitch is a

00:57:09.639 --> 00:57:16.699
clit. He's a little bitty love bean. All right.

00:57:17.239 --> 00:57:20.599
Hey, guys. Wasp is coming by Dallas, too, on

00:57:20.599 --> 00:57:24.719
this current tour. Maybe you all forget Tulsa

00:57:24.719 --> 00:57:27.820
and come down here. We could meet up and drink

00:57:27.820 --> 00:57:31.400
at the spots in Deep Elm, Rossington, and Dallas.

00:57:32.179 --> 00:57:35.099
Ross, thank you, but the tickets are already

00:57:35.099 --> 00:57:38.559
bought. And also the hotel room's already bought.

00:57:39.900 --> 00:57:43.360
So, yeah. And besides, I love the Tulsa Theater.

00:57:43.480 --> 00:57:46.019
I watched Wasp there a couple years ago. It is

00:57:46.019 --> 00:57:49.039
a fantastic place. It's a lot like the Uptown

00:57:49.039 --> 00:57:55.340
Theater. A lot like it. and it's a really cool

00:57:55.340 --> 00:57:59.099
place. But Ross, if we ever make it to Dallas,

00:57:59.199 --> 00:58:02.440
and I'm sure we will, hopefully all of us together,

00:58:02.579 --> 00:58:05.420
but if not, then I'd love to meet up with you.

00:58:05.980 --> 00:58:08.960
You've been a fan of this show since day one,

00:58:09.099 --> 00:58:13.519
and we love you, Ross, or Rossington. He's called

00:58:13.519 --> 00:58:16.599
by both. I've noticed this. Whenever he says

00:58:16.599 --> 00:58:19.039
Rossington, it's from Dallas. Whenever he says

00:58:19.039 --> 00:58:21.480
Ross, it's from Texas. I don't know what that's

00:58:21.480 --> 00:58:25.829
about, but it's cool. If you want to explain

00:58:25.829 --> 00:58:30.510
it, Rossington or Ross, send us an email. Alright,

00:58:32.130 --> 00:58:34.829
next one. Are you guys going to change the name

00:58:34.829 --> 00:58:39.070
now? It's mostly Three Douchebags. Little Tim

00:58:39.070 --> 00:58:46.469
in Alabama. No? Nope. We'll have to figure out

00:58:46.469 --> 00:58:49.610
a way to work me in as a half douchebag or something.

00:58:50.429 --> 00:58:53.190
Here's what I thought about doing is taking the

00:58:53.190 --> 00:58:57.789
regular intro on the regular douchebag show and

00:58:57.789 --> 00:59:00.570
whatever Topher's on it, every time it says two

00:59:00.570 --> 00:59:02.670
douchebags in the microphone, someone yells over

00:59:02.670 --> 00:59:07.769
three. Oh, that would work. Yeah. And it'd just

00:59:07.769 --> 00:59:09.869
be the same thing, only enhanced. Every time

00:59:09.869 --> 00:59:13.610
they go two douchebags, go three. And then just

00:59:13.610 --> 00:59:16.090
leave it like that. So it'll be something like

00:59:16.090 --> 00:59:20.400
that. I guarantee you, something stupid. Next

00:59:20.400 --> 00:59:24.679
one. Help. I need a strong apple pie recipe for

00:59:24.679 --> 00:59:27.679
my in -laws' anniversary dinner. Please and thank

00:59:27.679 --> 00:59:32.260
you. You're the best. Zoe in Iowa City. Yeah,

00:59:32.360 --> 00:59:36.619
I have a really, really, really good one. It's

00:59:36.619 --> 00:59:43.780
called Banquet. Oh, it is fucking delicious.

00:59:44.219 --> 00:59:46.380
And the cool thing is, is all you got to do is

00:59:46.380 --> 00:59:52.710
warm it up. I prefer Mrs. Smith's. Oh, wait,

00:59:52.769 --> 00:59:55.269
hang on, hang on. Mrs. Smith's, I'm sorry. You

00:59:55.269 --> 00:59:58.389
know what, I should have bought that. Okay, yeah,

00:59:58.469 --> 01:00:00.690
yeah. Okay, so is that your entry, Rob? What

01:00:00.690 --> 01:00:06.369
about you, Topher? Yeah. I would say probably

01:00:06.369 --> 01:00:09.349
go to the grocery store and buy one of the freshly

01:00:09.349 --> 01:00:13.130
made ones there. Yeah. You can pretend you made

01:00:13.130 --> 01:00:15.550
it fresh. You just kind of warm it, you know,

01:00:15.550 --> 01:00:19.079
from room temperature. You know what? There's

01:00:19.079 --> 01:00:21.360
a whole lot of ice cream on it. How well do you

01:00:21.360 --> 01:00:23.460
like your in -laws, I think, is the whole question.

01:00:24.519 --> 01:00:28.679
Yeah. If you don't like them, get Banquet, like

01:00:28.679 --> 01:00:31.840
I suggested. If you kind of like them, get a

01:00:31.840 --> 01:00:35.039
Mrs. Smith's. And if you really like them, go

01:00:35.039 --> 01:00:38.000
down to the Hen House and grab a freshly made

01:00:38.000 --> 01:00:42.599
Tippin's pie. Oh, yeah, those are good. Yeah,

01:00:42.699 --> 01:00:46.079
so there you go. Oh, and also, make your own

01:00:46.079 --> 01:00:49.019
whipped cream, too. And make sure they know it.

01:00:49.619 --> 01:00:52.619
Like, send them a picture of you, like, stirring

01:00:52.619 --> 01:00:59.820
the whipped cream. Yeah, yeah. All right, next

01:00:59.820 --> 01:01:04.000
one. Okay, a little back story. Every now and

01:01:04.000 --> 01:01:07.639
then we do this question of the week, okay? And

01:01:07.639 --> 01:01:10.219
I forgot who it was, but they said the first

01:01:10.219 --> 01:01:14.480
time they hung out with Warren Buffett was he

01:01:14.480 --> 01:01:17.639
bought dinner, he bought lunch. And this is at

01:01:17.639 --> 01:01:20.659
McDonald's and he paid with coupons. And the

01:01:20.659 --> 01:01:26.119
question was, was that frugal or was it cheap?

01:01:26.360 --> 01:01:29.639
Okay, so this guy, here's what's happening. We're

01:01:29.639 --> 01:01:32.440
getting all kinds of answers from different shows

01:01:32.440 --> 01:01:35.380
that people listen to. We have like five different

01:01:35.380 --> 01:01:37.960
ones, like Superstitions and a couple other ones.

01:01:38.119 --> 01:01:40.860
And they periodically answer them through the

01:01:40.860 --> 01:01:43.539
emails because this guy obviously heard this

01:01:43.539 --> 01:01:46.769
last week, that episode. Okay, so he answered

01:01:46.769 --> 01:01:54.889
it. And anyhow, okay, so let's see. He said,

01:01:55.010 --> 01:01:57.190
I think Warren Buffett is a cheap piece of shit.

01:01:57.389 --> 01:02:01.250
Pay McDonald's and coupons. Sheesh. Lilly in

01:02:01.250 --> 01:02:07.269
New Brunswick. I'm going to say cheap, too. I

01:02:07.269 --> 01:02:10.329
mean, you know, I mean, there's frugal, but that's

01:02:10.329 --> 01:02:15.670
way beyond frugal, don't you think? the problem

01:02:15.670 --> 01:02:18.210
is he's making other people wait while they deal

01:02:18.210 --> 01:02:20.809
with his coupons. And plus, with all the money

01:02:20.809 --> 01:02:23.190
he's got, it wouldn't be a bad thing to get a

01:02:23.190 --> 01:02:25.489
little more of it back into circulation. So,

01:02:25.510 --> 01:02:28.849
why not go ahead and pay full price and just

01:02:28.849 --> 01:02:31.769
move on with your life? I agree. Good point.

01:02:32.010 --> 01:02:34.949
Yeah. The time you wasted is probably worth more

01:02:34.949 --> 01:02:39.829
than the time you, you know, than, you know,

01:02:39.829 --> 01:02:41.929
than just fucking paying for it. Just paying

01:02:41.929 --> 01:02:44.130
for it, he'd never miss that fucking ten bucks

01:02:44.130 --> 01:02:47.460
or whatever. But that time, he'll never get back.

01:02:47.679 --> 01:02:54.139
So I agree 100%. All right. Hey, guys, not trying

01:02:54.139 --> 01:02:56.659
to get dark here, but I've read some reports

01:02:56.659 --> 01:03:00.659
about this and want your opinion. Paramedics,

01:03:00.659 --> 01:03:03.780
doctors, surgeons, and so forth say that one

01:03:03.780 --> 01:03:06.539
can smell death. Do you guys believe this to

01:03:06.539 --> 01:03:09.360
be true? Ronnie in Tulsa, the Tulsa King. Yes,

01:03:09.360 --> 01:03:11.780
he did write two times, but the other one was

01:03:11.780 --> 01:03:14.239
left over from last week that I forgot to download.

01:03:17.460 --> 01:03:20.960
You guys go ahead and I've thought about this

01:03:20.960 --> 01:03:27.000
and I've got a story about it. So go ahead. I

01:03:27.000 --> 01:03:32.480
for one believe in it. I believe it happens.

01:03:32.800 --> 01:03:39.119
I've heard many stories about it. Yeah, I'll

01:03:39.119 --> 01:03:42.239
go along with that. I've had some experience

01:03:42.239 --> 01:03:51.719
myself with kind of slow progressive diseases,

01:03:51.920 --> 01:03:55.159
and at a certain point, there's just a smell

01:03:55.159 --> 01:03:58.079
about them that you can tell they're near the

01:03:58.079 --> 01:04:03.420
end. I remember back in the 80s when AIDS was

01:04:03.420 --> 01:04:06.840
kind of a new thing, and Rock Hudson was hiding

01:04:06.840 --> 01:04:10.139
the fact that he had AIDS. Oh, yeah. There was

01:04:10.139 --> 01:04:14.119
a magazine article, one of his friends saying,

01:04:14.219 --> 01:04:17.099
I was standing next to him on the stage at an

01:04:17.099 --> 01:04:19.469
awards show, and you could just... smell the

01:04:19.469 --> 01:04:21.750
death on him you could he smelled like death

01:04:21.750 --> 01:04:26.889
wow so yeah i think that's a real thing and i

01:04:26.889 --> 01:04:30.030
do too and i've got a great story a friend of

01:04:30.030 --> 01:04:31.929
mine that i worked with for many years and i'm

01:04:31.929 --> 01:04:33.750
still friends with him but he moved to florida

01:04:33.750 --> 01:04:35.969
so i don't get to talk to him nearly as much

01:04:35.969 --> 01:04:42.389
joaquin he um came from cuba and he came over

01:04:42.389 --> 01:04:46.750
on a raft and uh He was building a highway for

01:04:46.750 --> 01:04:49.309
Castro. Castro came over there and told that

01:04:49.309 --> 01:04:51.809
whole people in that village they lived at, they

01:04:51.809 --> 01:04:54.429
said, you all are going to be building this freeway

01:04:54.429 --> 01:04:58.630
tomorrow morning. So my friend Joaquin was talking

01:04:58.630 --> 01:05:01.570
to someone on the roadway while they're building

01:05:01.570 --> 01:05:05.150
it, and I guess that guy mouthed off about Castro,

01:05:05.489 --> 01:05:09.289
and Castro found out about it. So because Joaquin

01:05:09.289 --> 01:05:13.119
was talking to him, he took both of them. They

01:05:13.119 --> 01:05:15.199
figured it out three months later, and they let

01:05:15.199 --> 01:05:17.780
Joaquin go, my friend, right? They're like, all

01:05:17.780 --> 01:05:19.219
right, you didn't have anything to do with it,

01:05:19.239 --> 01:05:21.000
but this guy, they probably killed him. I don't

01:05:21.000 --> 01:05:23.480
know what they did with the other guy. So as

01:05:23.480 --> 01:05:26.000
soon as he got home, you know, his family thought

01:05:26.000 --> 01:05:27.920
he was dead. They're like, oh, you're still alive.

01:05:28.119 --> 01:05:30.579
He goes, yeah. He goes, fucking, you know, they

01:05:30.579 --> 01:05:33.039
took me for no reason, all that stuff. So the

01:05:33.039 --> 01:05:35.699
first thing he did was he said, come on. He knew

01:05:35.699 --> 01:05:39.340
where they're launching a raft to get to. to

01:05:39.340 --> 01:05:41.719
the Keys of Florida, right? It's like 40 miles

01:05:41.719 --> 01:05:45.820
away from Cuba. And so he said there's some older

01:05:45.820 --> 01:05:50.599
people on that raft, and they were like about

01:05:50.599 --> 01:05:54.059
dead because hypothermia or something. I don't

01:05:54.059 --> 01:05:58.300
know. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He said you knew who was

01:05:58.300 --> 01:06:00.099
going to die because the sharks would be over

01:06:00.099 --> 01:06:04.860
there swimming around that area. Oh. So sharks

01:06:04.860 --> 01:06:08.659
can smell death. And he said that the sharks

01:06:08.659 --> 01:06:10.760
also knew that you had to throw them in the water,

01:06:10.820 --> 01:06:13.480
that you couldn't let this person sit there and

01:06:13.480 --> 01:06:16.380
just be dead next to you, rotting, you know.

01:06:17.059 --> 01:06:24.260
Yeah, so when you throw them over in the water,

01:06:24.320 --> 01:06:26.940
the sharks ate them. But the sharks knew they

01:06:26.940 --> 01:06:29.099
never came around unless someone was about dead.

01:06:31.599 --> 01:06:36.920
Yeah, so I'm going to say yes. Ronnie, what a

01:06:36.920 --> 01:06:39.179
great question. Wasn't that a great question?

01:06:39.400 --> 01:06:43.099
Yeah, it was. Very much. All right, and then

01:06:43.099 --> 01:06:47.900
finally, I recently won a free year of SiriusXM

01:06:47.900 --> 01:06:51.059
Satellite Radio. When did Howard Stern get so

01:06:51.059 --> 01:06:54.320
hateful? This guy that used to not give a shit

01:06:54.320 --> 01:06:58.579
because he became a hateful troll. I will never

01:06:58.579 --> 01:07:01.920
turn that horrible show on again. Josh and Reno.

01:07:03.440 --> 01:07:06.929
Okay. Someone can be funny and hateful at the

01:07:06.929 --> 01:07:09.110
same time and I always viewed him like that myself.

01:07:11.210 --> 01:07:14.289
True, true. I never thought he was a very pleasant

01:07:14.289 --> 01:07:20.550
person ever. He did say some funny stuff but

01:07:20.550 --> 01:07:23.510
I thought the staff around him was much funnier

01:07:23.510 --> 01:07:29.130
than he was. But yeah, I think he was hateful

01:07:29.130 --> 01:07:31.769
all the time. I just think now he's just not

01:07:31.769 --> 01:07:36.059
funny at all. He's just fucking hateful. Anyone

01:07:36.059 --> 01:07:41.219
else? It seems like he's using a certain audience.

01:07:42.420 --> 01:07:46.280
Whatever seems to be the popular way to present

01:07:46.280 --> 01:07:49.460
his show at the time. He used to use a lot more

01:07:49.460 --> 01:07:53.320
humor, like you said, but now I think people

01:07:53.320 --> 01:07:56.159
tune in because they want the hate and they want

01:07:56.159 --> 01:07:59.340
to hear him say nasty, horrible things and they

01:07:59.340 --> 01:08:03.019
don't want any positivity. I think people get

01:08:03.019 --> 01:08:06.099
opposed off of hating stuff, and they don't want

01:08:06.099 --> 01:08:10.539
any fun, lighthearted things messing it up. Okay.

01:08:12.199 --> 01:08:16.220
Yeah, I never really listened to him. I mean,

01:08:16.260 --> 01:08:19.880
I listened to him a few times, but I'm not big

01:08:19.880 --> 01:08:23.819
on him. No, I never was either. I never listened

01:08:23.819 --> 01:08:26.779
to him that much either. I always thought he

01:08:26.779 --> 01:08:33.720
was really overrated. But, anyhow, I thought

01:08:33.720 --> 01:08:36.460
there was much other shows, much other better

01:08:36.460 --> 01:08:39.640
shows, even some local shows that were better

01:08:39.640 --> 01:08:43.600
than him. So... Yeah. And there's quite a few

01:08:43.600 --> 01:08:46.159
of them, too. Howard Sparrow, he seemed to take

01:08:46.159 --> 01:08:49.319
one gimmick and just hammer that repeatedly.

01:08:49.899 --> 01:08:52.939
That was all there was to him. Yeah, I didn't

01:08:52.939 --> 01:08:58.420
appreciate the... Well, just what you just said.

01:08:58.939 --> 01:09:01.560
was he would hammer something relentlessly, and

01:09:01.560 --> 01:09:05.159
it's like, all right, we got it, move on. Yeah.

01:09:05.539 --> 01:09:08.859
So, okay, well, all right, that's the end of

01:09:08.859 --> 01:09:13.880
the emails. How about if you two do a story,

01:09:14.000 --> 01:09:17.720
each one of you, and then we're going to go to

01:09:17.720 --> 01:09:19.640
the second break, and then we'll come back and

01:09:19.640 --> 01:09:23.279
I got something. All right. All right, sounds

01:09:23.279 --> 01:09:27.840
good. All right. Whoever's next, go ahead. All

01:09:27.840 --> 01:09:31.640
right. You mind if I go October? No, go right

01:09:31.640 --> 01:09:35.159
ahead, please. All right. Well, I'm going to

01:09:35.159 --> 01:09:39.220
go with a Rob's Bag of Garbage. Yay! Greatest

01:09:39.220 --> 01:09:44.300
segment in the history of mankind. And it is

01:09:44.300 --> 01:09:50.460
a new Kickamo's Bag. Yay! Yay! The home of the

01:09:50.460 --> 01:09:57.600
green dinosaur with the huge penis. Rob tripped

01:09:57.600 --> 01:10:01.560
on it and he almost broke his elbow. Yeah, yeah,

01:10:01.579 --> 01:10:05.979
that hurt. I know, were you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.

01:10:06.140 --> 01:10:10.760
I shook it off. Yeah, did you tell... I had ice

01:10:10.760 --> 01:10:13.699
for a little while. Did you tell him to pick

01:10:13.699 --> 01:10:19.159
up Dino's penis after that? Oh, three of the

01:10:19.159 --> 01:10:24.420
women were laughing at me as I did it. Did you

01:10:24.420 --> 01:10:26.739
flip it over his back so it won't trip anybody?

01:10:28.079 --> 01:10:33.279
Yes, I had to. Okay, good. I'm sorry, Rob. Go

01:10:33.279 --> 01:10:39.960
ahead. Okay, an astronaut aboard the International

01:10:39.960 --> 01:10:44.439
Space Station once made a tool that wasn't available

01:10:44.439 --> 01:10:48.420
on board. Instead of waiting for a resupply mission,

01:10:48.880 --> 01:10:53.399
NASA worked with Made in Space. to create a digital

01:10:53.399 --> 01:10:56.739
design and transmit the file directly to the

01:10:56.739 --> 01:11:01.539
station. The astronaut then used the ISS 3D printer

01:11:01.539 --> 01:11:05.800
to manufacture the tool, marking the first time

01:11:05.800 --> 01:11:09.159
an object was produced in space from a design

01:11:09.159 --> 01:11:13.899
file sent from Earth on demand, a milestone for

01:11:13.899 --> 01:11:17.899
in -orbit manufacturing and future deep space

01:11:17.899 --> 01:11:22.350
missions. Wow. Nice. It would be interesting

01:11:22.350 --> 01:11:28.029
to have factories in orbit. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.

01:11:29.710 --> 01:11:34.170
Okay, let's go for one more. All righty. Yep.

01:11:36.850 --> 01:11:40.569
Okay, I'm going to stumble over the name a little

01:11:40.569 --> 01:11:46.810
bit. Okay. Welcome to Marley, Nebraska. Babelsnatch,

01:11:46.810 --> 01:11:54.500
Nebraska. Babelsnatch, Nebraska. Where the population

01:11:54.500 --> 01:12:01.619
is one. Meet Elise Eiler, the only resident.

01:12:01.859 --> 01:12:05.739
She is the mayor and the clerk and the treasurer

01:12:05.739 --> 01:12:11.199
and the librarian. Every year she holds an election

01:12:11.199 --> 01:12:26.060
and wins unanimously. to apply for a liquor license.

01:12:26.880 --> 01:12:30.819
So she sits down as the tavern owner, fills out

01:12:30.819 --> 01:12:34.000
the application, and hands it to the mayor herself.

01:12:35.159 --> 01:12:38.699
Then she reviews it, signs it, and approves her

01:12:38.699 --> 01:12:41.199
own permit so she can keep serving burgers and

01:12:41.199 --> 01:12:46.220
beer. I want to see video of this happening.

01:12:48.880 --> 01:12:58.020
But the most genius part is the taxes. with the

01:12:58.020 --> 01:13:01.680
state of Nebraska every single year so she could

01:13:01.680 --> 01:13:04.659
secure state funding to keep the town's three

01:13:04.659 --> 01:13:08.420
streetlights turned on. It is the only place

01:13:08.420 --> 01:13:10.720
in the world where you can't complain about the

01:13:10.720 --> 01:13:16.619
government because you are the government. I'd

01:13:16.619 --> 01:13:28.229
be writing myself letters every day. Dear Mayor

01:13:28.229 --> 01:13:36.949
and City Council. Fuck, that's pretty cool. All

01:13:36.949 --> 01:13:40.850
right, Coper, go ahead. All righty. Can anyone

01:13:40.850 --> 01:13:43.329
just, like, start a town and become the mayor

01:13:43.329 --> 01:13:46.369
and everything? I mean, I'll just go build a

01:13:46.369 --> 01:13:49.210
house. You know what? I'll put New Guy on that

01:13:49.210 --> 01:13:53.649
next episode. Okay, we're going to make New Guy

01:13:53.649 --> 01:13:58.640
do that, okay? Oh, he flipped me off. Fuck you,

01:13:58.659 --> 01:14:02.079
new guy. You're doing it. Now get out of here,

01:14:02.140 --> 01:14:06.739
bitch. All right, anyhow, go ahead. I have an

01:14:06.739 --> 01:14:12.420
update on the story about the British award show,

01:14:12.500 --> 01:14:19.460
the BAFTA award. Okay. The British ceremony for...

01:14:19.470 --> 01:14:21.890
film awards have been under fire in recent days

01:14:21.890 --> 01:14:25.590
after 54 -year -old John Davidson, a documentary

01:14:25.590 --> 01:14:29.189
filmmaker who has Tourette's Syndrome, loudly

01:14:29.189 --> 01:14:32.510
shouted the N -word at stars Michael B. Jordan

01:14:32.510 --> 01:14:36.250
and Delroy Lindo, of the stars of the movie Sinners,

01:14:36.270 --> 01:14:39.210
as they presented the first award of the evening.

01:14:40.970 --> 01:14:43.789
John is a renowned Tourette's campaigner and

01:14:43.789 --> 01:14:45.930
is the inspiration behind the movie I Swear,

01:14:46.149 --> 01:14:49.149
which was nominated at the BAFTA. He was diagnosed

01:14:49.149 --> 01:14:52.329
with Tourette's syndrome at age 25, with his

01:14:52.329 --> 01:14:55.130
symptoms including tics and outbursts, often

01:14:55.130 --> 01:14:58.670
involving cursing. The star -studded audience

01:14:58.670 --> 01:15:01.489
was informed about John's condition by a floor

01:15:01.489 --> 01:15:04.369
manager ahead of the ceremony, with guests being

01:15:04.369 --> 01:15:07.289
warned that they may hear some involuntary noises

01:15:07.289 --> 01:15:10.930
or movement. John could be heard cursing and

01:15:10.930 --> 01:15:13.229
shouting throughout the first half of the ceremony.

01:15:13.880 --> 01:15:15.659
But the most shocking moment of the night was

01:15:15.659 --> 01:15:17.779
when Michael and Delroy took the stage at the

01:15:17.779 --> 01:15:19.539
very start of the evening to present the Best

01:15:19.539 --> 01:15:22.960
Visual Effects Award. Good evening. Delroy and

01:15:22.960 --> 01:15:25.899
I are delighted to be presenting the first chapter

01:15:25.899 --> 01:15:28.779
of the night for a vital part of moviemaking,

01:15:29.020 --> 01:15:31.939
Michael began. And it was at this point that

01:15:31.939 --> 01:15:35.140
John shouted out the N -word. Both stars visibly

01:15:35.140 --> 01:15:37.579
froze before taking a beat to compose themselves.

01:15:38.220 --> 01:15:40.600
Delroy then continued, we are here to celebrate

01:15:40.600 --> 01:15:51.680
the artist's success. the BBC broadcast is being

01:15:51.680 --> 01:15:54.140
widely criticized for allowing the moment to

01:15:54.140 --> 01:15:57.640
be broadcast, despite the show being pre -recorded

01:15:57.640 --> 01:16:01.760
and airing on a two -hour delay. For reference,

01:16:01.920 --> 01:16:04.560
while the BBC did not cut the moment that Michael

01:16:04.560 --> 01:16:06.960
and Delroy had the offensive slur thrown at them,

01:16:17.949 --> 01:16:53.069
Wow. Wow. I wondered why it was so loud. I'm

01:16:53.069 --> 01:16:55.909
actually repulsed. It literally feels orchestrated,

01:16:56.029 --> 01:16:58.649
somebody else wrote. And another added, why does

01:16:58.649 --> 01:17:01.609
the BBC think it was a good idea to put a microphone

01:17:01.609 --> 01:17:04.090
near where he was seated? It feels like they

01:17:04.090 --> 01:17:06.550
wanted something like this to happen in order

01:17:06.550 --> 01:17:09.850
to publicize the show more. And they promised

01:17:09.850 --> 01:17:12.890
John they would edit anything out, one more commented.

01:17:13.289 --> 01:17:15.770
Do they have any idea what they've done to these

01:17:15.770 --> 01:17:18.930
three men? John has the world hating him, thinking

01:17:18.930 --> 01:17:25.550
he's a bigot. such a hideous viral moment where

01:17:25.550 --> 01:17:27.890
they were humiliated and viral moments never

01:17:27.890 --> 01:17:31.609
die. So that's the current situation with the

01:17:31.609 --> 01:17:40.689
BBC. It just keeps getting worse. It sure does.

01:17:42.510 --> 01:17:48.550
Wow. Well, that's when they start doing shit

01:17:48.550 --> 01:17:53.039
like that. I mean, that's... To me, that's why

01:17:53.039 --> 01:17:55.420
I don't like much TV anymore is because they

01:17:55.420 --> 01:17:57.640
pick and choose what they want you to hear and

01:17:57.640 --> 01:18:01.880
feel and all that, you know? Yeah, and it really

01:18:01.880 --> 01:18:04.640
seems like they're, I don't know if it really

01:18:04.640 --> 01:18:07.199
is taking that much to get a thrill out of people,

01:18:07.300 --> 01:18:09.579
but they're really pushing boundaries on a lot

01:18:09.579 --> 01:18:13.859
of things to try to be more gross or more disgusting

01:18:13.859 --> 01:18:17.220
or more bizarre than the other shows on the other

01:18:17.220 --> 01:18:21.039
network. Yeah. And they're driving some people

01:18:21.039 --> 01:18:24.729
away. TV completely. Like you were saying, I'm

01:18:24.729 --> 01:18:27.369
about ready to cancel all of my TV providers

01:18:27.369 --> 01:18:30.970
and just strictly go to streaming. To be honest,

01:18:31.250 --> 01:18:34.210
I mean, I would cancel all mine right now, but

01:18:34.210 --> 01:18:36.489
I have other people in the household that watch

01:18:36.489 --> 01:18:41.729
TV. That's true. I only watch a little bit of

01:18:41.729 --> 01:18:44.510
the local news. Other than that, I get everything

01:18:44.510 --> 01:18:48.289
else online, and I have my own sources I get

01:18:48.289 --> 01:18:50.550
it from because I know the ones that are skewed.

01:18:51.079 --> 01:18:55.399
Which is most of them. Yep. Right. Yeah. So anyhow.

01:18:55.600 --> 01:18:58.779
All right. Let's take our second break. And I've

01:18:58.779 --> 01:19:01.340
got a little story. Well, it's kind of like a,

01:19:01.399 --> 01:19:04.199
you know what? I'll just talk about it when we

01:19:04.199 --> 01:19:09.140
get back. Two douchebags and a microphone. There

01:19:09.140 --> 01:19:13.640
is no escape. Enter at your own risk. You will

01:19:13.640 --> 01:19:19.060
not make it out. Run while you still can. Bitches.

01:19:19.520 --> 01:19:21.840
As much fun as an electric can opener to the

01:19:21.840 --> 01:19:27.760
scrotum, two douchebags and a microphone. Since

01:19:27.760 --> 01:19:30.460
the dawn of time, weird shit has happened. Strange

01:19:30.460 --> 01:19:33.859
occurrences, unexplained phobias, and other odd

01:19:33.859 --> 01:19:36.260
happenings. Over the next minute, we would like

01:19:36.260 --> 01:19:38.960
to bring you odd, rare phobias and conditions.

01:19:39.819 --> 01:19:43.560
Red ear syndrome is a rare, often chronic neurological

01:19:43.560 --> 01:19:47.340
disorder characterized by intense... burning

01:19:47.340 --> 01:19:51.819
pain and intense redness in one or both external

01:19:51.819 --> 01:19:56.779
ears. Attacks last from seconds to hours, often

01:19:56.779 --> 01:20:00.560
triggered by touching, heat, or movement, and

01:20:00.560 --> 01:20:03.920
are frequently associated with migraine or cervical

01:20:03.920 --> 01:20:08.560
spine issues. While usually harmless, it is often

01:20:08.560 --> 01:20:11.920
difficult to treat, though it might respond to

01:20:11.920 --> 01:20:17.119
migraine meds. Hey there, slap nuts. It's time

01:20:17.119 --> 01:20:22.560
for The Creeps Music News. Hey, my little pumpkin

01:20:22.560 --> 01:20:25.279
seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your music

01:20:25.279 --> 01:20:29.220
news. John Karabi, former lead singer of Motley

01:20:29.220 --> 01:20:33.000
Crue and The Scream, has a new album coming out

01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:36.319
on April 24th called New Day. You can pre -order

01:20:36.319 --> 01:20:38.640
the album online. The effort features guitars

01:20:38.640 --> 01:20:42.079
like Richard Fortis from Guns N' Roses, Paul

01:20:42.079 --> 01:20:45.010
Taylor from winger Steve Perry, On keyboards,

01:20:45.329 --> 01:20:48.670
Marty Freckerson, producer of Multi -Instrumentalist,

01:20:48.729 --> 01:20:51.550
and Charlie Starr from Blackberry Smoke on guitar

01:20:51.550 --> 01:20:55.050
solos, alongside Evan Freckerson on drums and

01:20:55.050 --> 01:20:58.109
bass. This should be a pretty good album. Sure

01:20:58.109 --> 01:21:01.449
has a lot of talent to go with it. This is Johnny

01:21:01.449 --> 01:21:04.630
Rohypnol. That was your music news, and remember,

01:21:04.810 --> 01:21:11.130
bar chords are bullshit. Your mama is like the

01:21:11.130 --> 01:21:18.239
sun, big, round, and hard. Strange, but true.

01:21:19.140 --> 01:21:22.520
Family guy creator Seth MacFarlane missed American

01:21:22.520 --> 01:21:27.239
Airlines flight 11 on September 11, 2001. Didn't

01:21:27.239 --> 01:21:29.960
you lay a hangover? He later found out when he

01:21:29.960 --> 01:21:32.640
woke up that the plane was hijacked and crashed.

01:21:35.520 --> 01:21:41.279
Hi all, this is Chicago. I am the most dangerous

01:21:41.279 --> 01:21:48.550
city in North America. You can't touch me. Oh,

01:21:48.550 --> 01:21:50.630
yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer,

01:21:50.689 --> 01:21:53.989
bitch. And now we look in on the adventures of

01:21:53.989 --> 01:21:58.449
the technical explanation guy. Why, excuse me,

01:21:58.489 --> 01:22:01.989
my dear sir. Could you please direct me to the

01:22:01.989 --> 01:22:04.170
nearest self -employed person in a motorized

01:22:04.170 --> 01:22:06.890
vehicle that will transport me where I ask them

01:22:06.890 --> 01:22:10.010
to in exchange for money and a tip? Do you mean

01:22:10.010 --> 01:22:13.689
an Uber ride? Why, yes. Yes, I do mean an Uber

01:22:13.689 --> 01:22:17.430
ride. Then just say an Uber ride, you dumb motherfucker.

01:22:17.489 --> 01:22:19.470
And why are you constantly following me around

01:22:19.470 --> 01:22:25.869
asking me stupid questions? Fucking idiot. Hey,

01:22:25.949 --> 01:22:28.229
if you're a fan of paying way too much for trinkets

01:22:28.229 --> 01:22:31.270
and food, well, your wish is coming true. Kansas

01:22:31.270 --> 01:22:33.470
City International Airport Guest Pass program

01:22:33.470 --> 01:22:37.010
is starting today. Yes, you too could overspend

01:22:37.010 --> 01:22:39.890
on workless trinkets and $15 cups of coffee.

01:22:40.439 --> 01:22:42.840
You want to buy a $50 cheap t -shirt that has

01:22:42.840 --> 01:22:45.920
KC Western Auto Building image on it? We got

01:22:45.920 --> 01:22:48.460
you covered. Want a barbecue sauce gift pack?

01:22:48.659 --> 01:22:51.239
No problem. Just a mere $40 and you're first

01:22:51.239 --> 01:22:54.439
born. Hurry. You know rubes are jumping all over

01:22:54.439 --> 01:22:57.899
to get to this complete ripoff. Because people

01:22:57.899 --> 01:23:10.199
are sheep. of the Kansas City Metroplex and surrounding

01:23:10.199 --> 01:23:42.109
areas at the Talk is Cheap studio. historic Waldo,

01:23:42.189 --> 01:23:45.869
Missouri, and sitting in the Paisley Possum studio

01:23:45.869 --> 01:23:49.689
where I think I finally located the source of

01:23:49.689 --> 01:23:52.829
that funky smell. It seems to be coming from

01:23:52.829 --> 01:23:56.409
my trash can, so I think I can fix that. Oh,

01:23:56.630 --> 01:23:59.850
okay, like my piss jug. Oh, yeah, I tell you.

01:24:02.550 --> 01:24:06.560
I kept walking in here going, man, I... I must

01:24:06.560 --> 01:24:08.960
have left some food out somewhere. Oh, my God,

01:24:09.060 --> 01:24:12.899
what is that rank smell? Then finally I'm like,

01:24:12.979 --> 01:24:14.779
oh, yeah, I remember. I was doing a podcast and

01:24:14.779 --> 01:24:17.659
I had to piss. And I had this Gatorade jug with

01:24:17.659 --> 01:24:21.119
a wide mouth, you know. I'm like, perfect. And

01:24:21.119 --> 01:24:23.760
then I sealed it up really good and set it down

01:24:23.760 --> 01:24:25.859
and forgot about it. And, boy, I'll tell you

01:24:25.859 --> 01:24:29.699
what, that, ew. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they'll let

01:24:29.699 --> 01:24:32.140
you know. Yeah, they'll let you know, yeah. And

01:24:32.140 --> 01:24:37.539
also, pee coagulates after a while, too. Yeah,

01:24:38.579 --> 01:24:44.359
it comes out like chewing gum almost. Anyhow.

01:24:44.600 --> 01:24:49.939
All right. This whole next article here originated

01:24:49.939 --> 01:24:53.819
because I was watching the NFL Network. Okay,

01:24:53.880 --> 01:24:56.560
so Monday Night Football, it used to be so cool.

01:24:56.779 --> 01:25:00.100
Now we have Buck and it ached my ears. Okay.

01:25:01.300 --> 01:25:03.659
I was just saying. You know, I was just thinking

01:25:03.659 --> 01:25:06.079
about NFL's golden years with Howard Cosell,

01:25:06.100 --> 01:25:09.720
Dandy, Don Meredith, and Frank Gifford. Yeah.

01:25:09.760 --> 01:25:12.319
So I was watching NFL replay of Monday Night

01:25:12.319 --> 01:25:15.319
Football this last season. I couldn't help but

01:25:15.319 --> 01:25:17.880
notice how uptight that broadcast has become.

01:25:18.319 --> 01:25:20.859
You know, so I had to refresh my memories, and

01:25:20.859 --> 01:25:22.920
I found some cool things on Monday Night Football

01:25:22.920 --> 01:25:29.579
during the golden years. Okay? So in 1987. Danding

01:25:29.579 --> 01:25:32.539
on Meredith was back on Monday Night Football

01:25:32.539 --> 01:25:36.659
after he took a leave of absence. Cosell reintroduced

01:25:36.659 --> 01:25:38.899
the former Dallas Cowboys quarterback to the

01:25:38.899 --> 01:25:43.699
audience. Meredith said, I missed you and planted

01:25:43.699 --> 01:25:49.300
a big kiss on Cosell's left cheek. Cosell didn't.

01:25:49.300 --> 01:25:54.060
He said, I didn't know you cared. And then Meredith

01:25:54.060 --> 01:26:00.930
said, ick, and started wincing. So, one camera

01:26:00.930 --> 01:26:03.949
operator found a guy in the end zone. Just as

01:26:03.949 --> 01:26:07.130
Jim Forte, the Monday Night Football field director,

01:26:07.270 --> 01:26:10.029
ordered a zoom in, the man looked straight in

01:26:10.029 --> 01:26:13.710
the camera and flashed the middle finger to America.

01:26:14.649 --> 01:26:18.970
Cosell was... I looked this up. It was so fucking

01:26:18.970 --> 01:26:21.670
funny. The guy looked mad as hell that they focused

01:26:21.670 --> 01:26:24.470
in on him. And he just fucking flips the bird.

01:26:25.079 --> 01:26:28.300
And Cosell was uncharacteristically speechless

01:26:28.300 --> 01:26:30.880
because he always had something to say, and he

01:26:30.880 --> 01:26:34.500
was like, uh. So Meredith chimed in. How about

01:26:34.500 --> 01:26:37.479
that, Howard? He's saying you're number one.

01:26:42.359 --> 01:26:48.340
So Howard stated that there was ties in the NFL

01:26:48.340 --> 01:26:51.939
on a game that was well into overtime. Don says

01:26:51.939 --> 01:26:55.510
a tie is like kissing your sister. And Howard

01:26:55.510 --> 01:26:58.109
said, depends on what your sister looked like.

01:27:03.409 --> 01:27:06.729
That's pretty wrong. They couldn't do any of

01:27:06.729 --> 01:27:11.609
this nowadays, you know. But that's funny. Howard

01:27:11.609 --> 01:27:14.789
Cosell coming in going, yeah, it depends on what

01:27:14.789 --> 01:27:17.609
your sister looked like. I'm pretty sure everybody

01:27:17.609 --> 01:27:20.729
else, I got to look at it, but I'm pretty sure

01:27:20.729 --> 01:27:25.170
everyone else in the booth was like, uh. And

01:27:25.170 --> 01:27:32.470
we're on the 50 -yard line. And then here's some

01:27:32.470 --> 01:27:36.149
famous sayings that Dandy Don Meredith said,

01:27:36.310 --> 01:27:39.850
because Dandy Don Meredith was really, he was

01:27:39.850 --> 01:27:42.750
quick -witted. He was a former quarterback, but

01:27:42.750 --> 01:27:45.850
he was a better broadcaster. He was so quick

01:27:45.850 --> 01:27:48.029
-witted and funny that he would just keep you

01:27:48.029 --> 01:27:50.810
rolling the whole broadcast by saying just off

01:27:50.810 --> 01:27:54.699
-the -wall stuff. They did a little vote on some

01:27:54.699 --> 01:27:56.619
of the stuff that he said, Dandy Don Meredith.

01:27:56.859 --> 01:28:00.300
Number one was, we had many discussions, but

01:28:00.300 --> 01:28:03.220
I wasn't listening. That was Don Meredith on

01:28:03.220 --> 01:28:09.220
his relationship with Tom Landry. The second

01:28:09.220 --> 01:28:13.359
highest voted one, he stays out late, he visits

01:28:13.359 --> 01:28:18.319
interesting places, and he tips great. Don Meredith

01:28:18.319 --> 01:28:22.000
on wishing his next life that he was a quarterback

01:28:22.000 --> 01:28:26.500
for playboy Bobby Lane's chauffeur. And that

01:28:26.500 --> 01:28:30.880
was a quarterback, Bobby Lane. I remember him.

01:28:31.159 --> 01:28:35.220
Yeah, I do too. And Don Meredith said in his

01:28:35.220 --> 01:28:37.960
next life that he wanted to be his chauffeur.

01:28:38.979 --> 01:28:42.859
I should see that. I could too. The third highest

01:28:42.859 --> 01:28:46.159
rated one was, I didn't vote for you. But you

01:28:46.159 --> 01:28:48.680
do have a nice suit on. That was Don Meredith

01:28:48.680 --> 01:28:52.220
when former Vice President Spiro Agnew visited

01:28:52.220 --> 01:28:55.800
the Monday Night Football booth. Oh, my gosh.

01:28:55.880 --> 01:28:57.619
I like that. I didn't vote for you, but that's

01:28:57.619 --> 01:29:04.279
a nice suit. The number four most rated one that

01:29:04.279 --> 01:29:07.439
people liked was, these are Dandy Don Meredith's

01:29:07.439 --> 01:29:11.399
quotes. If you needed four yards, you'd give

01:29:11.399 --> 01:29:14.140
the ball to Garrison. and he'd get you four yards.

01:29:14.319 --> 01:29:16.960
If you needed 20 yards, you'd give the ball to

01:29:16.960 --> 01:29:21.859
Garrison, and he'd get you four yards. Don Meredith

01:29:21.859 --> 01:29:30.279
on Walt Garrison. Oh my gosh. This is my favorite

01:29:30.279 --> 01:29:33.060
number five here. I can't believe it went as

01:29:33.060 --> 01:29:35.699
low as number five, but Tom Landry is such a

01:29:35.699 --> 01:29:37.899
perfectionist that if he were married to Dolly

01:29:37.899 --> 01:29:47.980
Parton, he would expect her to cook. Another,

01:29:47.980 --> 01:29:51.199
another one. And that's why they called him Dandy

01:29:51.199 --> 01:29:53.859
Don Meredith, because that guy was funnier than

01:29:53.859 --> 01:29:57.800
hell. Yeah, he was. Yeah, this is just a little

01:29:57.800 --> 01:30:00.859
sample piece of the stuff that he said. He said

01:30:00.859 --> 01:30:03.560
a lot more things than that. And he did several

01:30:03.560 --> 01:30:06.239
of them in a broadcast. And I couldn't help but

01:30:06.239 --> 01:30:10.840
compare it to, you listen to... buck and ache

01:30:10.840 --> 01:30:14.640
my ears, and you're like, oh my gosh. They're

01:30:14.640 --> 01:30:19.180
so sterile. Yeah, they are pretty sterile. They're

01:30:19.180 --> 01:30:22.140
not allowed to be anymore. They're probably...

01:30:22.140 --> 01:30:27.739
I've heard Joe Buck on shows, and he's really

01:30:27.739 --> 01:30:30.579
humorous, so you're probably right. They don't

01:30:30.579 --> 01:30:34.739
want him to be humorous. Every time he does get

01:30:34.739 --> 01:30:36.579
humorous, you hear about him in the headlines.

01:30:37.030 --> 01:30:39.409
Yeah, you know, you're right. They're jumping

01:30:39.409 --> 01:30:44.109
all over it. Yeah, so, yeah, it is what it is,

01:30:44.109 --> 01:30:47.489
I guess. All right, who's got another story?

01:30:47.590 --> 01:30:50.750
And also, I have to ask this, is everybody good?

01:30:50.829 --> 01:30:55.869
Do you want to keep going, or is it 921? I've

01:30:55.869 --> 01:31:08.220
got one more. Okay, go ahead, guys. and a Hummer

01:31:08.220 --> 01:31:12.840
for a steep hill climb. Both were marketed as

01:31:12.840 --> 01:31:15.279
serious off -roaders that should be able to handle

01:31:15.279 --> 01:31:18.520
terrain without too much drama. So when they

01:31:18.520 --> 01:31:21.140
faced off on a sharp incline, it looked like

01:31:21.140 --> 01:31:24.319
at least a fair test. But it didn't quite unfold

01:31:24.319 --> 01:31:28.560
that way. In the video posted to Facebook, full

01:31:28.560 --> 01:31:31.300
throttle, the Tesla Cybertruck and the Hummer

01:31:31.300 --> 01:31:33.359
sat at the base of the steep dirt hill, ready

01:31:33.359 --> 01:31:36.180
to take on the ascent. As soon as they started,

01:31:36.239 --> 01:31:39.229
however, Both vehicles surged forward, but almost

01:31:39.229 --> 01:31:41.590
immediately the Cybertruck appeared to struggle

01:31:41.590 --> 01:31:44.909
for grip. Its wheels started spinning early,

01:31:45.050 --> 01:31:47.449
and it couldn't build enough momentum to carry

01:31:47.449 --> 01:31:50.970
it up the slope. The EV made it up about halfway

01:31:50.970 --> 01:31:53.850
before losing momentum and having to reverse

01:31:53.850 --> 01:31:58.470
back down the hill. There even appeared to be

01:31:58.470 --> 01:32:01.270
some kind of stall or hesitation, as if it simply

01:32:01.270 --> 01:32:03.930
couldn't gather what it needed to finish the

01:32:03.930 --> 01:32:07.119
climb. Carrying forward in the same way, however,

01:32:07.319 --> 01:32:09.479
the Hummer driver took a different approach.

01:32:09.800 --> 01:32:12.439
It turned around and attempted the hill climb

01:32:12.439 --> 01:32:16.420
in reverse. It not only got farther than the

01:32:16.420 --> 01:32:18.680
Cybertruck, but managed to reverse all the way

01:32:18.680 --> 01:32:22.859
up the hill and over the top. The Cybertruck

01:32:22.859 --> 01:32:25.939
is often positioned as a bold, capable EV that

01:32:25.939 --> 01:32:28.979
can handle tough terrain. A steep incline like

01:32:28.979 --> 01:32:31.560
this is exactly the kind of test it's meant to

01:32:31.560 --> 01:32:34.460
pass. Yet in this case, the defining image isn't

01:32:34.460 --> 01:32:37.340
the futurist truck charging to the summit. It's

01:32:37.340 --> 01:32:42.939
the Hummer reversing its way to victory. Right

01:32:42.939 --> 01:32:50.199
on. Wow. Any chance to take a poke at the most

01:32:50.199 --> 01:32:52.560
ridiculous car ever marketed to the American

01:32:52.560 --> 01:32:56.119
public? Yeah, and now the price of them went

01:32:56.119 --> 01:33:00.979
down to a fifth of what it used to be. And everyone

01:33:00.979 --> 01:33:04.260
that paid that... the astronomical price, their

01:33:04.260 --> 01:33:08.420
resale value went to shit. Yeah, they were so

01:33:08.420 --> 01:33:13.039
pissed. Now they owe like triple what the car

01:33:13.039 --> 01:33:15.779
is worth anymore. And now those vehicles are

01:33:15.779 --> 01:33:18.619
really easily declared totaled by their insurance

01:33:18.619 --> 01:33:22.159
company. Wow, you're right. I never thought about

01:33:22.159 --> 01:33:25.800
that. And then they're paying on a $100 ,000

01:33:25.800 --> 01:33:30.140
vehicle that's been totaled. And they gave you

01:33:30.140 --> 01:33:32.479
$30 ,000 for it because that's all it's worth

01:33:32.479 --> 01:33:37.979
now. Wow. Yeah, that's fucked up. Thank you,

01:33:38.000 --> 01:33:40.619
Topher. And if you didn't buy insurance on your

01:33:40.619 --> 01:33:43.060
auto loan, then you still have to pay off the

01:33:43.060 --> 01:33:45.340
rest of that auto loan in a lot of cases. Yeah,

01:33:45.340 --> 01:33:47.659
yeah. If you didn't have gap insurance, absolutely,

01:33:48.000 --> 01:35:29.710
you'll be paying it. Wow. Yeah, go. Nice. Cool.

01:35:29.930 --> 01:35:36.710
Thank you, Rob. Yeah, there you go. That's actually

01:35:36.710 --> 01:35:38.569
a pretty happy thought to think about, you know.

01:35:38.750 --> 01:35:44.189
Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah. We go out on a good

01:35:44.189 --> 01:35:47.609
note. Yep, there we go. All right, well, that

01:35:47.609 --> 01:35:50.409
being said, thank you, everybody, for listening.

01:35:50.670 --> 01:35:53.869
You really, I mean, once I took off the little

01:35:53.869 --> 01:35:57.100
AI tag that didn't belong there. We started getting

01:35:57.100 --> 01:35:59.119
downloads again, which I'm very happy about.

01:35:59.220 --> 01:36:02.539
But it's mainly because all of you fine people

01:36:02.539 --> 01:36:04.979
out there that listen to this program. And we

01:36:04.979 --> 01:36:07.760
so appreciate you spreading the word. And it's

01:36:07.760 --> 01:36:15.079
really working. And go fuck yourself. Thank you,

01:36:15.079 --> 01:36:19.100
everybody. Seriously. If it wasn't for our listeners,

01:36:19.439 --> 01:36:26.500
we'd still be doing this. Yeah, we would. Out

01:36:26.500 --> 01:36:31.680
of boredom. Yeah. So, with that being said, good

01:36:31.680 --> 01:36:36.680
night, assholes. And from Topher in the Paisley

01:36:36.680 --> 01:36:38.859
Possum Studios, I want to thank everyone for

01:36:38.859 --> 01:36:41.479
listening and downloading and keep sending in

01:36:41.479 --> 01:36:44.819
the emails. And don't forget about the Dinner

01:36:44.819 --> 01:36:47.079
with the Douchebags contest, which will be coming

01:36:47.079 --> 01:36:50.760
up announced not too distant future. Yeah. And,

01:36:50.840 --> 01:36:56.569
yeah, go crawl up your own asshole. Yep, and

01:36:56.569 --> 01:36:59.890
remember what I said. Go fuck yourself. Have

01:36:59.890 --> 01:37:04.630
a good night, everybody. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

01:37:07.909 --> 01:37:11.510
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark

01:37:11.510 --> 01:37:14.569
has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless

01:37:14.569 --> 01:37:18.189
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading

01:37:18.189 --> 01:37:19.130
your ear holes soon.