WEBVTT

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Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's

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right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, live from the historic

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river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,

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but only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.

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Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio

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in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap

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studio from Extreme Southern Tent for the Kansas

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City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's

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grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they

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throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're

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happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself

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off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's

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a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need

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rolling papers. Well, since you're here, let's

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get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.

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All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic

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thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to download every podcast.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all

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friends, family members and workmates download

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this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to

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grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show. and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys, we can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two Douchebags

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and a Microphone. Hey, peeps. It's time for the

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police blotter. That's right stories about stupid

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criminals and the dumbassness that ensued. Let

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us begin now. Dean Young, 26, entered a parked

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landscaping van in Hialeah, Florida, allegedly

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to steal the tools in the inside. He accidentally

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locked himself inside the van and begins screaming

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for someone to let him out. The landscapers heard

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the man's screams and promptly called the police

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where he was arrested for breaking and entering

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a vehicle and for attempted theft. This guy gets

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a stupid pendant pronto. Good evening, friends

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and neighbors. I'm going to read to you a list

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of hypocrites. Self -righteous assholes that

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want to tell you what you're doing wrong, but

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will not address this for themselves. One newer

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issue among these dollards... is the stolen land

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gimmick. They tell us we need to give up the

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land back, but when they were confronted, they

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offered nothing. Therefore, hypocrites and liars.

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Alyssa Milano, hypocrite and a liar. Mark Ruffalo,

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hypocrite and a liar. Jane Fonda, longtime hypocrite,

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liar. Elizabeth Warren, longtime idiot, liar,

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hypocrite. Leonardo DiCaprio. Your name might

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be on a list somewhere that just came out. I

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don't know. Possibly. Maybe you need to shut

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your mouth. Yeah, you probably do. Billy Eilish.

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Liar. Ben and Jerry. Liars. We go on for another

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hour, but you get the point. I once again present

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to you the You First Movement. This is when you

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mouth off about stolen land or anything else.

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You go first. You live on stolen land. You give

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your land back. But until this happens, shut

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the fuck up. Fuck up. Hi there. This is your

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ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?

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I thought we were friends. Hey, my fellow heavy

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breeders. This is Dash Riptide. Your music news.

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Legendary guitarist Sackwild unretires the grail.

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the 1981 Gibbs and Les Paul for the new Ozzy

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Osbourne tribute track. You know this guitar.

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It's the bullseye Les Paul he made famous in

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the first few years of joining Ozzy. The grill,

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as the guitar is known as, Zach is unretiring

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the beauty for a tribute track saluting the Prince

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of Darkness. No word on when or how the song

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will hit the public. We will keep you posted.

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This is Dash Ruktine, and that was your music

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news. If it's too loud, you'd probably have ear

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damage, just like me. Hey there. We all have

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those annoying coworkers that do nothing. There's

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nothing we can do about it because HR departments

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are running scared of lawyers. So we have to

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work with these worthless pieces of garbage.

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But we have to communicate about them without

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them knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags

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Microphone, we developed a way that you can speak

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about them right in front of them without them

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knowing about it. Stay tuned. First code name,

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Absolute Zero. They contribute nothing and effectively

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stop all molecular motion in the project. Dark

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matter. You know they're there. They take up

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space, but they provide no light and cannot be

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observed doing actual work. Static. High noise.

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Zero signal. Stays in one place. Event Horizon.

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Once a task enters their orbit, it is never seen

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again. How about Buffer? They take 20 minutes

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to process a 5 second request. The Screensaver.

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Looks like they're working, but as soon as you

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touch them, they disappear. Cloud Mode. Just

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floating around, vague, and nobody knows what

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they actually do. And finally, 404. Task not

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found. Stay tuned for more of these gems. Hey

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everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give

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you some tips for life. Record loud train noises

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on your phone. That way you won't take any big

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dump in the... Two douchebags and microphone.

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I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the

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Talk is Cheap studio. green Sinclair dinosaur

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with a big penis. There you go, Mark. All right,

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thank you. In the duck blind studio. All right,

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good. I'm glad that we know this now, that Dino

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the Sinclair dinosaur has a huge penis, and thank

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you for bringing that up on your intro, although

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your intro's pretty much lasting the whole show

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now, which is awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and

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yeah, I'm going to have to cut back on the big

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penis. Yeah, you know what? We can bring it up

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every now and then. It's well known now. Yeah,

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yeah. Everybody knows about Dino. You keep talking

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about it. I know, I know. I'm being a dick. I

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can't help it. Okay, we are proud to announce

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that Topher will be joining us every Sunday night.

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So there will be three douchebags and a microphone,

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one show a week. Yes. I can't wait. I had the

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time of my life the other night. I think we all

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did. My jaw was hurting from laughing so much

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when we got back. Oh, my God, yes. It took me

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like two hours before I could even get to bed.

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I was laughing so hard. It was just fantastic.

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I was like, will you shut the fuck up? No, I

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won't. No, it was too fun. We had a great time.

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We did. That was really amazing. I appreciate

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it. So maybe I need to come up with a different

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intro possibly, you think, for the two douchebags

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and microphone and Topher or whatever. I don't

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know. Yeah, definitely. Come up with a little

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something for Sunday nights. Yeah, I think it'd

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be cool. Anyhow, the Olympics just wrapped up.

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Congratulations to the men's and women's U .S.

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hockey teams for capturing the gold. The men's

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game was an overtime thriller of sudden death.

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That was one of the best games ever in the history

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of the Olympics, and I could not believe it.

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I mean, I was at work. when it was going on,

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and I had a bunch of people tell me during break,

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did you see the game? Did you see the game? I

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said, I don't even know the fucking score. I

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don't know who won. Then they said, well, we

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got the gold. And then when I got home, I watched

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that game, and I watched it two times, the ending.

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It was Sudden Death Thriller, and America has

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the gold in hockey for both men and women, so

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we did very well. Go USA. USA. Very good. Very

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good. It was probably the best game ever, hockey

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game ever in the history of the Olympics. Even

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the 1980 improbable win of the U .S. over the

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Ruskies, the Russians. Everyone remembers that

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vaguely because we were much younger. I did not

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personally get to watch it. Well, I didn't. They

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keep putting it above that one. I didn't. I didn't

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get to watch it either because I was much younger.

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Or equal to that match, if not. Yeah, so it was

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a very good thing. So I've been a Snoop Dogg

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fan for a long time, and it's largely because

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of how cool he is. Are you a Snoop Dogg fan,

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Rob? Yes, I am. Yeah, he's just... He's like

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the new George Clinton. Yeah, he is. The way

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I look at it, he really is. Only he doesn't have

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the funk like he did. I hear that George Clinton

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did not smell too much. He's got his own method.

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No, no, no. Snoop is great. I'm talking about

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George Clinton supposedly didn't wear deodorant.

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He didn't believe in it, and he would ripen up

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a room really quick. That's what I'm speaking

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of. Oh, yeah, good point. And I mean, I think

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it's true, but who knows? I mean, I don't know.

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It may not be true. Maybe someone made that up.

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But anyhow, so, you know, I also enjoy his music

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too. I mean, he has a typical coolness that I'm

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speaking of. In Italy, Snoop was with friends

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watching the Olympics when he decided to grab

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some lunch. He ordered a large amount of hot

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dogs, cheeseburgers, and chicken wings and nuggets.

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When it was time to tab out, his card was declined.

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And if he's like me, he never remembers to call.

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His card and tell them he'll be out of the country.

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So the card thinks it's fraud and it shuts down.

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I had this happen to me in Puerto Rico. I've

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had it happen to me on a lot of different areas

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that I've been outside of the U .S. I even had

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it happen in Canada one time. And what it is,

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is if you don't call your credit card and go,

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hey, I'm going to be over here or over there.

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Like, let's say you're in the Canary Islands.

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You should call your credit card ahead of time

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and go, hey, I'm going to be in the Canary Islands.

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Then they'll go, oh, yeah, what are the dates?

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Then you go, February 10th through the 20th.

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And they go, okay, all right, we got this down.

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So if the card's used over there during that

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time, we're not going to block it. We're going

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to let it go through. Okay, so I think that's

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what happened. So the restaurant owner's daughter

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recognized Snoop and told her mom to let him

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go. So the mom did. She said, don't worry about

00:12:40.240 --> 00:12:42.759
it. You don't have to pay. It's cool. You know,

00:12:42.799 --> 00:12:45.259
you can't get your card working. It's fine. We

00:12:45.259 --> 00:12:47.539
don't care. Go ahead. So, you know, that was

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cool of him. A few hours later, Snoop sent over

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a handful of tickets to attend the Olympic snowboarding

00:12:52.440 --> 00:12:56.000
competition. Now, that's cool. And that's one

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of the reasons we love Snoop. Isn't that great?

00:12:59.879 --> 00:13:03.320
Yeah. They did him a solid. He didn't forget

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about it. And those tickets were probably worth

00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:09.440
probably... 50 times more than what his meal

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was of whatever he bought. Those tickets were

00:13:12.440 --> 00:13:15.179
expensive and hard to get. And it's very cool

00:13:15.179 --> 00:13:17.000
of him to think of the people that helped him

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out. You know, they didn't have to. They could

00:13:20.360 --> 00:13:22.139
have said, no, you find another way to pay or

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shake down one of your friends. But they're like,

00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:26.580
no, no, no, Snoop, it's cool. You know, we love

00:13:26.580 --> 00:13:28.740
you. It's cool. Go ahead. And they didn't ask

00:13:28.740 --> 00:13:32.159
for payment. So he was very cool. And he sent

00:13:32.159 --> 00:13:34.519
back those tickets, which are very expensive

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and hard to get. Not on that. I'm just having

00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:55.639
a Topher moment at the moment. Oh, okay. You

00:13:55.639 --> 00:13:58.100
know how the other day Topher said his story

00:13:58.100 --> 00:14:03.019
changed? Oh, that happened to you too, huh? No,

00:14:03.220 --> 00:14:06.639
I'm not... actually pulled something up on Google,

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saved it, and now it does not go in near what

00:14:14.639 --> 00:14:20.559
it said it did long ago. Okay, so that's you

00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:25.340
and Topher. When I had a whole story about it.

00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:29.620
Interesting. Okay, I've had that happen. I will

00:14:29.620 --> 00:14:33.080
try to come up with more on this. It's my first

00:14:33.080 --> 00:14:36.779
story. Go ahead. Okay. There's something going

00:14:36.779 --> 00:14:38.440
on with that, but we'll get into that later.

00:14:38.779 --> 00:14:41.600
Because that happened to me, too. It happened

00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:43.679
to you, and it's happening to Topher. So they're

00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:46.559
doing something differently. So anyhow. This

00:14:46.559 --> 00:14:53.940
is in Google. I Googled something. Wow. And saved

00:14:53.940 --> 00:14:58.440
it. And now I come back to it. And it ain't there.

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It's only like half of what I had saved. Okay,

00:15:05.299 --> 00:15:07.659
and Topher actually had a lot of his article

00:15:07.659 --> 00:15:11.100
taken out, too. Okay, the UK lapped us again

00:15:11.100 --> 00:15:14.039
with another high -up arrest. This time, the

00:15:14.039 --> 00:15:17.179
proud recipient of such a filthy award is Peter

00:15:17.179 --> 00:15:21.279
Mandelson. former European ambassador for trade

00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:24.039
with the U .S. Now Great Britain has two high

00:15:24.039 --> 00:15:26.240
-profile arrests in connection with Epstein,

00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:29.879
and the U .S. has zero. My only question is,

00:15:29.940 --> 00:15:31.899
none of the charges have anything to do with

00:15:31.899 --> 00:15:36.539
pedophilia. Is this only because the giving out

00:15:36.539 --> 00:15:41.600
sensitive material is easier to prove? Or are

00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:45.200
they trying to protect them even though they

00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:47.519
act like they're going after them? You know,

00:15:47.539 --> 00:15:49.919
this was in response to the young lady that identified

00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:54.679
former Prince Andrew. And the headline that they

00:15:54.679 --> 00:16:01.120
did in the U .K.-based paper, The Sun, is, he's

00:16:01.120 --> 00:16:05.620
sweating now, is what they put. when former Prince

00:16:05.620 --> 00:16:08.360
Andrew got arrested, right? I'm trying to describe

00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:10.059
this right. I'm sorry. I'm kind of going around

00:16:10.059 --> 00:16:11.840
the edges, and I probably shouldn't have, so

00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:14.460
I apologize. So, okay, I'll put it like this

00:16:14.460 --> 00:16:18.139
here, and sorry about the long form I'm doing

00:16:18.139 --> 00:16:22.480
here, but, okay, the U .K.-based paper, The Sun,

00:16:22.659 --> 00:16:25.220
when he was arrested, they had a big picture

00:16:25.220 --> 00:16:27.440
of him, you know, being arrested, and it said,

00:16:27.500 --> 00:16:30.600
he's sweating now. So this was in response to

00:16:30.600 --> 00:16:33.139
the young lady that identified former Prince

00:16:33.139 --> 00:16:36.080
Andrew as one of the clients at the island. She

00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:40.379
stated that this large, hulky guy was sweating

00:16:40.379 --> 00:16:43.500
all over her. And his response was, I don't sweat.

00:16:44.419 --> 00:16:50.139
So the son remembered that, and their headline

00:16:50.139 --> 00:16:52.799
about him getting arrested was, he's sweating

00:16:52.799 --> 00:16:57.379
now. Isn't that brilliant? Yeah, it is. I love

00:16:57.379 --> 00:17:02.820
that. And supposedly King Charles said, do with

00:17:02.820 --> 00:17:05.680
him whatever you want. I don't care. So we'll

00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:07.579
see if that holds true, because if that holds

00:17:07.579 --> 00:17:10.819
true, then he will be behind bars soon and not

00:17:10.819 --> 00:17:16.920
get out. So Psychology Today had a good article

00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:19.380
that I read. It suggests that people that don't

00:17:19.380 --> 00:17:21.559
post about their leisure activities and food

00:17:21.559 --> 00:17:25.359
pics are not antisocial or even an introvert.

00:17:25.769 --> 00:17:27.930
but that they have realized that posting about

00:17:27.930 --> 00:17:31.849
your fun activities and posting is not living

00:17:31.849 --> 00:17:35.809
your life to the fullest. And I think I agree

00:17:35.809 --> 00:17:38.950
with that 100%. I can vouch for this as well.

00:17:39.049 --> 00:17:42.309
I used to snap a shit ton of videos at concerts

00:17:42.309 --> 00:17:44.710
when I realized I was missing a good chunk of

00:17:44.710 --> 00:17:47.430
the show by waiting for that special moment I

00:17:47.430 --> 00:17:49.990
wanted everyone else to witness. Do you know

00:17:49.990 --> 00:17:53.750
what I'm talking about, Rob? I mean, this article

00:17:53.750 --> 00:17:58.390
is true. Yeah. You miss out on so much going

00:17:58.390 --> 00:18:01.049
on when you're like, oh, I gotta snap this video

00:18:01.049 --> 00:18:03.509
so everybody can see this guy playing guitar.

00:18:04.569 --> 00:18:07.670
And actually, you're probably pretty much the

00:18:07.670 --> 00:18:09.549
only one that gives that much of a shit about

00:18:09.549 --> 00:18:11.930
it. Some people might browse through it and watch

00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:14.109
a couple of seconds of, oh, okay, cool, and then

00:18:14.109 --> 00:18:16.910
go on. But the thing is, is when you're doing

00:18:16.910 --> 00:18:19.750
that, you're not enjoying the show. You're stressing

00:18:19.750 --> 00:18:22.609
because you're trying to get that one video that's

00:18:22.609 --> 00:18:24.809
going to be so cool that everyone's going to

00:18:24.809 --> 00:18:27.390
go, you're waiting for that wow moment, right?

00:18:27.690 --> 00:18:30.390
When you should be sitting there, you know, enjoying

00:18:30.390 --> 00:18:33.890
your show or even food, you know, getting ready

00:18:33.890 --> 00:18:36.269
to dig into a big pile of nachos. But first it's

00:18:36.269 --> 00:18:38.690
like, oh, hang on. I got to take the nacho pics.

00:18:38.809 --> 00:18:41.289
Everybody can see this big pile of fucking gourdum,

00:18:41.289 --> 00:18:45.549
you know. But so I agree, you know. I actually

00:18:45.549 --> 00:18:49.109
now what I do at concerts is I take all my videos

00:18:49.109 --> 00:18:51.950
and photos at once, and then I don't really use

00:18:51.950 --> 00:18:54.789
my camera after that. I just try to enjoy the

00:18:54.789 --> 00:18:59.089
show. And so it's a good thing that I do now

00:18:59.089 --> 00:19:02.730
because I feel like I enjoy the moment much more

00:19:02.730 --> 00:19:06.630
than I used to. What about you, Rob? Anything

00:19:06.630 --> 00:19:12.309
like that? Yeah, actually I do. Actually I do.

00:19:13.549 --> 00:19:23.099
Okay. Okay. All right. So violence in Mexico

00:19:23.099 --> 00:19:25.779
has forced cruise ships to alter their voyages.

00:19:25.980 --> 00:19:29.400
Cruise lines are bypassing Puerto Vallarta following

00:19:29.400 --> 00:19:32.319
a wave of cartel violence triggered by the killing

00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:35.359
of the main drug lord. And you know what? I didn't

00:19:35.359 --> 00:19:38.140
even put his name down, and who cares? So everyone

00:19:38.140 --> 00:19:40.859
knows who it is. Most cruise lines are doubling

00:19:40.859 --> 00:19:44.809
up stops at Cabo San Lucas. Which is great with

00:19:44.809 --> 00:19:47.410
me, because I'd rather go to Cabo any time than

00:19:47.410 --> 00:19:50.910
Puerto Vallarta. Cabo is a much nicer, cleaner

00:19:50.910 --> 00:19:55.509
place, in my opinion, and I enjoy it more. That's

00:19:55.509 --> 00:20:01.490
true, yeah, yeah, Cabo Wabo. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

00:20:01.490 --> 00:20:11.250
he's there in his fucking... Yeah, he's got places

00:20:11.250 --> 00:20:13.369
down there, that's for sure. He's always spotted

00:20:13.369 --> 00:20:15.650
there. He'd be wearing his Bermuda shorts and

00:20:15.650 --> 00:20:19.529
sandals and acoustic guitar, maybe, I don't know.

00:20:19.730 --> 00:20:21.750
That's why he lives down there. People don't

00:20:21.750 --> 00:20:23.950
make a big deal about him down there anymore.

00:20:25.930 --> 00:20:29.349
Yeah, you know, I get it. I mean, I think he

00:20:29.349 --> 00:20:31.630
could... He's more laid back. He kind of looks

00:20:31.630 --> 00:20:33.529
like... People like us, we'd be drooling all

00:20:33.529 --> 00:20:36.250
over him. Well, he kind of looks like an average

00:20:36.250 --> 00:20:38.859
old man now. I don't know how much you get recognized.

00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:42.019
Have you seen any recent pictures of him? Yeah,

00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:44.359
I have. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how much you

00:20:44.359 --> 00:20:45.559
get recognized. That's how I would recognize

00:20:45.559 --> 00:20:48.200
him. Yeah, other than that, I wouldn't have.

00:20:48.259 --> 00:20:52.039
So, yeah, I got you. So, Dr. Pepper has a new

00:20:52.039 --> 00:20:55.460
Cream Swirl Soda. This limited edition soda combines

00:20:55.460 --> 00:20:58.880
the brand's flavor with cream and brown sugar

00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:04.140
swirls. I don't know. Oh, oh, damn. You think

00:21:04.140 --> 00:21:07.279
that sounds good? God, you said swirls again.

00:21:08.380 --> 00:21:14.420
Yeah. I thought you first said squirrel. I was

00:21:14.420 --> 00:21:18.359
like, oh my God, we're getting in my neck of

00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:21.640
the woods. No, there is no squirrel -flavored

00:21:21.640 --> 00:21:27.599
Dr. Pepper that I know of. Okay, okay. You said

00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:30.319
swirl. I thought you said squirrel. No, I did

00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:34.140
not say squirrel. I said swirl. I might need

00:21:34.140 --> 00:21:42.240
to clean my head, my ear pods. The newly relaunched

00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:45.599
Mr. Pibb has released a new bold peach and vanilla.

00:21:47.099 --> 00:21:51.680
I don't know. The new Mr. Pibb. They went to

00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:54.880
Pibb Extra for a while, for actually quite a

00:21:54.880 --> 00:21:57.220
few years. Now they changed it back to Mr. Pibb,

00:21:57.240 --> 00:21:59.160
but they didn't change it back to the original

00:21:59.160 --> 00:22:02.240
formula, which I really liked. And now it's just

00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:05.319
like some sort of, it's got extra caffeine in

00:22:05.319 --> 00:22:09.019
it, and they call it like a kickin' spicy cherry

00:22:09.019 --> 00:22:14.200
cola. I call it meh at best. But I don't know.

00:22:14.220 --> 00:22:16.359
Maybe other people like it. Peach and vanilla,

00:22:16.599 --> 00:22:19.079
it might be good. You know, I think I will try

00:22:19.079 --> 00:22:22.799
it and see how it is and go from there. But I

00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:26.240
don't know. I was disappointed that when they

00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:28.960
brought back the original brand name, Mr. Pibb,

00:22:29.000 --> 00:22:32.299
that it didn't bring the original formula, which

00:22:32.299 --> 00:22:35.039
is a little bit more, I don't know, darker and

00:22:35.039 --> 00:22:38.960
chocolatier than the Dr. Pepper type of a drink.

00:22:39.690 --> 00:22:42.210
So, anyhow, I liked them both. I mean, you know,

00:22:42.210 --> 00:22:44.769
I have my moods for Mr. Pibb. I have my moods

00:22:44.769 --> 00:22:50.210
for Dr. Pepper. So, anyhow. So, now, new copies

00:22:50.210 --> 00:22:54.029
and moccas are starting to decline in favor of

00:22:54.029 --> 00:22:58.970
dirty sodas. The most popular are using Coke

00:22:58.970 --> 00:23:01.990
or Dr. Pepper and jazzing it up with syrups,

00:23:01.990 --> 00:23:07.650
fruit purees, and cream. So that might be interesting,

00:23:07.769 --> 00:23:09.910
trying a dirty soda like that, especially like

00:23:09.910 --> 00:23:12.869
a Dr. Pepper with like a fruit puree in it or

00:23:12.869 --> 00:23:15.329
something like that or cream. I think that would

00:23:15.329 --> 00:23:17.410
be pretty good, especially like a fountain Dr.

00:23:17.630 --> 00:23:22.349
Pepper. What do you think? I don't know. If I

00:23:22.349 --> 00:23:25.529
do a dirty thing, it'd be a cherry Pepsi or something

00:23:25.529 --> 00:23:27.950
like that, you know, something they already make.

00:23:28.589 --> 00:23:32.609
Oh, okay. All right. That's cool. To be honest,

00:23:32.789 --> 00:23:36.410
I don't drink much soda anyway. I really don't.

00:23:36.410 --> 00:23:40.150
I cut way back on mine. Yeah, I've really cut

00:23:40.150 --> 00:23:43.369
back over the past few years. Well, I mean, GERD,

00:23:43.369 --> 00:23:46.589
it does not help GERD, the acidic acid, the not

00:23:46.589 --> 00:23:50.789
acidic. The citric acid in it does not help your

00:23:50.789 --> 00:23:53.869
GERD at all, so I needed to stop it anyhow. So

00:23:53.869 --> 00:23:57.390
I got myself down to one Mexican Coke a day,

00:23:57.529 --> 00:24:01.089
and that's it. And I try to leave it there. So

00:24:01.089 --> 00:24:04.789
anyhow, speaking of drinks, Gen Z rejects trendy

00:24:04.789 --> 00:24:08.410
nightlife with the reintroduction to local dive

00:24:08.410 --> 00:24:12.319
bars. Gen Z is tired of trying to get inexpensive

00:24:12.319 --> 00:24:16.299
clubs and long wait lists. Instead, the popular

00:24:16.299 --> 00:24:21.559
opinion is local, laid -back dive bars. Rob,

00:24:21.740 --> 00:24:23.819
I've always been a dive bar guy. What about you?

00:24:25.500 --> 00:24:28.960
Oh, yeah. I would prefer a dive bar. Me too.

00:24:29.039 --> 00:24:31.599
Always hated the look -at -me spots. Always just

00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:33.720
thought that they were just... Yeah, there's...

00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:38.690
Yeah, there's... You go to the bigger places,

00:24:38.730 --> 00:24:42.170
there's too many people. Yeah. I always rather

00:24:42.170 --> 00:24:46.549
go someplace I can kick back, relax, you know,

00:24:46.609 --> 00:24:50.930
and just chill and take in the scenery. Yeah,

00:24:50.930 --> 00:24:54.150
and just talk. You know, just conversation. I

00:24:54.150 --> 00:24:56.950
really enjoy good conversation over a couple

00:24:56.950 --> 00:24:59.109
of beers. You can't beat that. It's great. Meet

00:24:59.109 --> 00:25:02.490
new people. Meet new people. Yep. I mean, all

00:25:02.490 --> 00:25:05.710
I need is a yinling bottle or a PBR, preferably

00:25:05.710 --> 00:25:08.529
in a bottle. But if not, I will take a PBR in

00:25:08.529 --> 00:25:11.890
a can. And a pinball machine, an old pinball

00:25:11.890 --> 00:25:15.529
machine, like an old Midway one. Or an old Stern

00:25:15.529 --> 00:25:21.089
one, you know, like Elvira or Godzilla or something

00:25:21.089 --> 00:25:23.829
like that. And where are you going to find those?

00:25:24.029 --> 00:25:26.289
In the dive bars. Exactly. You're not going to

00:25:26.289 --> 00:25:29.970
find them at the Look At Me spots. No. No. No,

00:25:29.970 --> 00:25:35.980
you don't. Go down to Westport and then borrow

00:25:35.980 --> 00:25:40.500
a 5 -10 -volt machine. No, no, no, you will not.

00:25:40.680 --> 00:25:44.960
And that's okay, because I drive through Westport

00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:47.759
occasionally to get to work, but I do not stop

00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:51.299
there. I will stop one time at the, they have

00:25:51.299 --> 00:25:54.200
a new Dave's Hot Chicken in Westport. And have

00:25:54.200 --> 00:25:58.680
you ever tried that, Rob? No. It's a chain, I

00:25:58.680 --> 00:26:00.960
think, out of California. And is there a take

00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:03.339
on... No, we don't have them down here. Okay.

00:26:03.460 --> 00:26:05.819
Well, I'll tell you what. When you come up, that

00:26:05.819 --> 00:26:08.460
might be one of the places we have to hit. Because

00:26:08.460 --> 00:26:10.279
I'll tell you what. That stuff is really good.

00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:12.859
It's a chain, I think, from California. Is there

00:26:12.859 --> 00:26:15.480
a take on hot Nashville chicken? But it's completely

00:26:15.480 --> 00:26:18.519
different than Nashville hot chicken. Yeah, you

00:26:18.519 --> 00:26:20.539
keep telling me about it. Oh, it's so good. We're

00:26:20.539 --> 00:26:21.980
supposed to go there. We're supposed to go to

00:26:21.980 --> 00:26:24.700
Jesse Jim's. We're supposed to go to this place.

00:26:24.819 --> 00:26:26.539
We're supposed to go to that place. You know

00:26:26.539 --> 00:26:28.589
what? We're going to be too big. Yeah, we ain't

00:26:28.589 --> 00:26:30.109
going to get nothing in. We're going to be too

00:26:30.109 --> 00:26:33.170
full to eat. You know what? We'll figure it out

00:26:33.170 --> 00:26:35.210
when you get up here. Yeah, we'll figure it out.

00:26:35.589 --> 00:26:40.269
Yeah, so anyhow, well, they have a rooftop eating

00:26:40.269 --> 00:26:44.029
area at the new Dave's Hot Chicken in Westport,

00:26:44.089 --> 00:26:45.829
and it looks really cool. So I'd like to go get

00:26:45.829 --> 00:26:48.430
some chicken on a nice day and go sit up there

00:26:48.430 --> 00:26:53.230
on the roof. There you go. Yep. And I don't think

00:26:53.230 --> 00:26:54.990
they sell beer there, but you know what? Who

00:26:54.990 --> 00:26:57.819
cares? It's still good. um all right and burger

00:26:57.819 --> 00:27:00.180
king is updating the whopper with a better bun

00:27:00.180 --> 00:27:05.160
creamier mayo and a new box packaging for a higher

00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:09.119
quality experience without uh without altering

00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:11.740
the core burger so i think that sounds pretty

00:27:11.740 --> 00:27:13.660
good so they didn't screw with the whopper too

00:27:13.660 --> 00:27:15.640
much because the whopper is good if it's made

00:27:15.640 --> 00:27:18.539
right and someone gives a crap about it you know

00:27:18.539 --> 00:27:21.799
you don't have some some guy back there scratching

00:27:21.799 --> 00:27:25.109
his ass you know someone that actually has a

00:27:25.109 --> 00:27:26.950
little bit of pride making it, it's still a good

00:27:26.950 --> 00:27:29.390
burger. And I'm glad that they're going to like

00:27:29.390 --> 00:27:32.809
try to make it a little bit more premium in ingredients.

00:27:33.490 --> 00:27:35.309
And I think that would be really good because

00:27:35.309 --> 00:27:37.089
the Whopper is still a good sandwich. I think

00:27:37.089 --> 00:27:38.990
jazzing it up a little bit and making a little

00:27:38.990 --> 00:27:41.630
higher quality would be a great idea for the

00:27:41.630 --> 00:27:45.269
franchise, especially with places like McDonald's

00:27:45.269 --> 00:27:47.609
like that are kind of floundering and kind of

00:27:47.609 --> 00:27:51.430
out of answers. I think we could use a new, better

00:27:51.430 --> 00:27:56.380
burger. In town, so. Anyhow, that's all I got.

00:27:56.460 --> 00:28:01.460
Rob, let's go to you. All right. Well, today

00:28:01.460 --> 00:28:06.039
at work, me and, well, I was doing my job. You

00:28:06.039 --> 00:28:09.779
know, I was taking piece of steel, putting up

00:28:09.779 --> 00:28:15.059
there, cutting. Well, the lead welder was at

00:28:15.059 --> 00:28:19.220
the bend right behind me. Mm -hmm. next to my

00:28:19.220 --> 00:28:21.700
table. So, you know, my speaker's sitting right

00:28:21.700 --> 00:28:27.839
there. And we were listening to the radio station

00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:31.640
because I wasn't going to mention the radio station.

00:28:32.380 --> 00:28:38.660
But after what I looked up, yeah, this story

00:28:38.660 --> 00:28:41.559
totally flipped script on me once I got home.

00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:44.900
But anyway, we were listening to the story and

00:28:44.900 --> 00:28:48.839
they were talking about how there's this part

00:28:48.839 --> 00:28:55.200
of your brain that smells burnt toast. And as

00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:58.940
they put it, that's all it does is smell burnt

00:28:58.940 --> 00:29:06.220
toast. And he's over there doing his job. I'm

00:29:06.220 --> 00:29:11.759
doing my job. We're listening to the news. And

00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:27.009
he gets to the end and he puts in a You know?

00:29:28.349 --> 00:29:33.410
Not being able to smell burnt toast. You know,

00:29:33.410 --> 00:29:37.630
and me and the lead welder look at each other

00:29:37.630 --> 00:29:41.210
and we just start chuckling. You know, because

00:29:41.210 --> 00:29:43.589
we're thinking about our wives listening to this

00:29:43.589 --> 00:29:48.970
story. Well, me doing my homework, I get home

00:29:48.970 --> 00:30:03.720
and I Google it. Okay. Here's what Google come

00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:06.099
up with, and this is where it gets serious, and

00:30:06.099 --> 00:30:08.500
I'm glad it gets serious. Okay. Because this

00:30:08.500 --> 00:30:11.980
is something for everybody to look out for. Okay?

00:30:12.259 --> 00:30:17.920
Okay. The olfactory complex located within the

00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:21.259
brain's temporal and frontal lobes is responsible

00:30:21.259 --> 00:30:25.859
for detecting and processing the smell of burning

00:30:25.859 --> 00:30:32.359
toast. Okay. Wow. initial smell signals are received

00:30:32.359 --> 00:30:37.259
by the olfactory bulb and processed in these

00:30:37.259 --> 00:30:40.880
deeper brain areas, which are linked to memory

00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:48.619
and emotion. Okay, the brain location, and this

00:30:48.619 --> 00:30:52.200
is on Google, you can Google it. The temporal

00:30:52.200 --> 00:30:55.819
lobe, specifically the area related to the sense

00:30:55.819 --> 00:30:59.779
of smell, olfactory cortex, is heavily involved.

00:30:59.789 --> 00:31:04.049
involved in processing this scent. Historical

00:31:04.049 --> 00:31:10.069
Context Neosurgeon Dr. Wilder Penfield discovered

00:31:10.069 --> 00:31:15.589
this in the 1950s by stimulating the temporal

00:31:15.589 --> 00:31:22.490
lobes of awake patients, causing them to experience

00:31:22.490 --> 00:31:27.009
vivid, familiar smells like burning toast, which

00:31:27.009 --> 00:31:32.269
helped map sensory functions. burning toast.

00:31:32.470 --> 00:31:38.430
The sensation of smelling burning toast is famously

00:31:38.430 --> 00:31:44.589
associated with sensory seizures or more commonly

00:31:44.589 --> 00:31:54.549
a symptom of phantom phantom oh shit phantom

00:31:54.549 --> 00:32:11.529
anyway it's hallucinated orders. Okay. Well,

00:32:11.529 --> 00:32:14.549
like I mentioned a while ago, this thing pulled

00:32:14.549 --> 00:32:17.910
a toaster on me. Yeah, and it changed the article

00:32:17.910 --> 00:32:22.029
up. Wow. Yeah, it did because it went a lot deeper.

00:32:22.349 --> 00:32:27.349
What it basically does is it, and it was telling

00:32:27.349 --> 00:32:35.190
me, if you smell burning toast and there's nobody

00:32:35.190 --> 00:32:41.190
cooking toast, that could be, the signs of a

00:32:41.190 --> 00:32:45.569
stroke or a heart attack. More commonly a stroke.

00:32:45.890 --> 00:32:49.109
Yeah, actually, I did know that. I didn't know

00:32:49.109 --> 00:32:51.130
you didn't connect the dots. And that's where

00:32:51.130 --> 00:32:55.269
the story dropped, and that's weird coming from

00:32:55.269 --> 00:32:59.750
Google. Because, yeah, it came up a lot more.

00:33:00.829 --> 00:33:03.289
There's also some other smells, too. I think

00:33:03.289 --> 00:33:07.430
one of them might be egg salad is another one

00:33:07.430 --> 00:33:09.930
that people smell. Right before his stroke? Yeah,

00:33:09.930 --> 00:33:13.430
probably eggs. Probably just eggs. Yeah, and

00:33:13.430 --> 00:33:15.869
then there's something else, too. But, yeah,

00:33:15.990 --> 00:33:18.609
I actually, I did know that. I mean, I don't

00:33:18.609 --> 00:33:21.730
know how common it is, but it does happen. So,

00:33:21.730 --> 00:33:24.750
wow, all right. Like I said, the guy on the radio,

00:33:25.029 --> 00:33:29.130
I mean, you know, they only, what caught me off

00:33:29.130 --> 00:33:36.309
guard is they only told part of the story. Uh

00:33:36.309 --> 00:33:41.670
-huh. You know. And he made a joke about it,

00:33:41.710 --> 00:33:44.890
which on the radio, I guess that's what you do.

00:33:45.569 --> 00:33:48.869
But I come home, and I actually did the homework,

00:33:49.130 --> 00:33:52.029
and I'm like, oh, my God, really? Well, I mean,

00:33:52.049 --> 00:33:53.470
they're trying to be entertaining. This can be

00:33:53.470 --> 00:33:56.329
a serious thing. Yeah, it can. They're just being

00:33:56.329 --> 00:34:00.230
entertaining. If you smell toast, and nobody's

00:34:00.230 --> 00:34:03.190
cooking toast, that means hallucination. That

00:34:03.190 --> 00:34:10.190
means you need to get to the doctor. Yeah. My

00:34:10.190 --> 00:34:13.630
first suggestion is take a couple of baby aspirin

00:34:13.630 --> 00:34:17.849
or low -dose aspirin. They always say that. Because

00:34:17.849 --> 00:34:19.550
if you thin out your blood, the better chance

00:34:19.550 --> 00:34:21.630
you are of your arteries not getting blocked.

00:34:22.090 --> 00:34:24.809
That's what they always say. Look it up first,

00:34:24.929 --> 00:34:27.969
and you make the mind up for yourself, okay?

00:34:28.469 --> 00:34:32.570
Because I'm not giving you medical advice, but

00:34:32.570 --> 00:34:36.260
I'm telling you that... For myself, I think that

00:34:36.260 --> 00:34:38.480
I would do that when I thought I was having a

00:34:38.480 --> 00:34:40.619
heart attack and it was GERD. The first thing

00:34:40.619 --> 00:34:43.480
they told me when I called 911 is they said,

00:34:43.539 --> 00:34:46.860
take five or six baby aspirin right now or low

00:34:46.860 --> 00:34:49.739
-dose aspirin. So you do the research yourself.

00:34:49.880 --> 00:34:53.159
If you think that's for you, go ahead. But I

00:34:53.159 --> 00:34:57.199
know that I did. Anyhow. And luckily it was not

00:34:57.199 --> 00:35:02.940
a heart attack. It was GERD. And they got serious.

00:35:03.780 --> 00:35:06.139
Rob, thank you. I mean, that's a good thing for

00:35:06.139 --> 00:35:09.039
people to know. And, you know, keep that in mind.

00:35:09.159 --> 00:35:11.920
Keep that in mind. So, all right. If you smell

00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:15.219
burnt toast, give them that. Yep. Yeah, or call

00:35:15.219 --> 00:35:18.119
911 maybe. I mean, you know, I don't know how

00:35:18.119 --> 00:35:20.179
long you have. Yeah, seriously. If you're getting

00:35:20.179 --> 00:35:22.199
ready to have a stroke, I don't know how long

00:35:22.199 --> 00:35:25.900
you have. Especially if nobody in the house is

00:35:25.900 --> 00:35:28.449
cooking toast. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, if they're

00:35:28.449 --> 00:35:30.349
cooking toast, don't worry about it. That's probably

00:35:30.349 --> 00:35:34.369
them burning it. But if not, then yeah, I agree

00:35:34.369 --> 00:35:37.610
with you, Rob. That's why me and the lead blogger

00:35:37.610 --> 00:35:40.269
looked at each other. You could tell we were

00:35:40.269 --> 00:35:45.809
both taking over our wives. Burnt toast. I would

00:35:45.809 --> 00:35:51.909
plead the fifth. I'm going to pull the guy off

00:35:51.909 --> 00:35:55.349
of Hogan's Heroes. I know nothing. I know nothing.

00:35:56.860 --> 00:36:00.599
There you go. All righty. Let's come back with

00:36:00.599 --> 00:36:04.059
some emails. But first, new guy's going to tell

00:36:04.059 --> 00:36:06.539
you about the deck of cards that was a world

00:36:06.539 --> 00:36:08.880
record that the little girl accidentally knocked

00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:12.480
over. And I think it's in New York. So we got

00:36:12.480 --> 00:36:14.360
to put new guy to work. He hasn't had anything

00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:17.000
going on in a while, right? So we think he's

00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:21.219
calmed down. Hey, hey. Yeah. I'm going to give

00:36:21.219 --> 00:36:29.079
him credit. Okay. So with all three of us, he

00:36:29.079 --> 00:36:33.099
was on his best behavior. He was. I agree. I

00:36:33.099 --> 00:36:36.760
agree. He was good. He was. He was good. So we'll

00:36:36.760 --> 00:36:39.960
see if he keeps it up now. This one does not

00:36:39.960 --> 00:36:42.699
have Topher in it. So maybe he's afraid of Topher.

00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:46.679
I don't know. So we'll see. Okay. Hey, new guy.

00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:51.179
New guy. Get over here. Do your shit. All right.

00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:58.030
We'll be right back. Two douchebags. And a microphone.

00:36:58.150 --> 00:37:03.210
There is no escape. Enter at your own risk. You

00:37:03.210 --> 00:37:07.250
will not make it out. Run while you still can,

00:37:07.269 --> 00:37:11.550
bitches. And now we look in on the adventures

00:37:11.550 --> 00:37:15.670
of the technical explanation guy. Oh my, would

00:37:15.670 --> 00:37:19.030
you look at the rightly scattering? It sure is

00:37:19.030 --> 00:37:22.710
brilliant tonight. First off, you're on private

00:37:22.710 --> 00:37:26.369
property. Second, you're in my flower garden.

00:37:26.860 --> 00:37:29.639
Third, if you're talking about the sunset, yes,

00:37:29.920 --> 00:37:33.260
it is stunning. And finally, would you get the

00:37:33.260 --> 00:37:36.119
hell off my property, you annoying fucking bastard.

00:37:37.579 --> 00:37:40.139
Since the dawn of time, weird shit has happened.

00:37:40.219 --> 00:37:43.559
Strange occurrences, unexplained phobias, and

00:37:43.559 --> 00:37:46.280
other odd happenings. Over the next minute, we

00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:48.880
would like to bring you odd, rare phobias and

00:37:48.880 --> 00:37:52.639
conditions. Perry -Romberg syndrome. Cause is

00:37:52.639 --> 00:37:55.869
unknown. No known cure. And extremely rare. Parts

00:37:55.869 --> 00:37:58.449
of the face slowly wither. Over years, muscles,

00:37:58.610 --> 00:38:00.869
skin, even bones shrink on one side of the face,

00:38:00.889 --> 00:38:02.769
causing disfigurement when it stops progressing.

00:38:03.769 --> 00:38:08.489
You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse

00:38:08.489 --> 00:38:12.309
inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts

00:38:12.309 --> 00:38:15.469
beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.

00:38:15.610 --> 00:38:22.510
We have the post -apocalypse. Remember, post

00:38:22.510 --> 00:38:26.590
-apocalypse to have a sewage bit. Sewage untreated

00:38:26.590 --> 00:38:31.730
can result in serious illness and other obstacles

00:38:31.730 --> 00:38:35.469
for your family to live well. You also should

00:38:35.469 --> 00:38:38.269
have some chemicals stocked up, maybe bags of

00:38:38.269 --> 00:38:42.309
chlorine or something of such, to sanitize the

00:38:42.309 --> 00:38:46.230
sewage per week. Tomorrow morning while grinding

00:38:46.230 --> 00:38:48.449
your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,

00:38:48.690 --> 00:38:51.409
remember to not get your genitals caught in the

00:38:51.409 --> 00:38:55.079
grinder. It really hurts. Who could afford plastic

00:38:55.079 --> 00:39:00.300
surgery? Stay safe, everyone. Your mama's so

00:39:00.300 --> 00:39:04.679
fat. When she was floating in the ocean, Spain

00:39:04.679 --> 00:39:08.219
claimed her as their new territory. Here we go.

00:39:08.820 --> 00:39:19.719
Signs that you might be a pussy. Signs that you

00:39:19.719 --> 00:39:25.900
might be a pussy. If you've ever had Phil Collins

00:39:25.900 --> 00:39:30.539
or Oingo Boingo posters on your wall. If you've

00:39:30.539 --> 00:39:33.059
ever raised your coffee mug or tea glass with

00:39:33.059 --> 00:39:37.360
your pinky extended. If you often lotion up your

00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:40.860
hands with no apparent reason. If you like poached

00:39:40.860 --> 00:39:43.519
eggs. If you sing along to Chitty Chitty Bang

00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:46.360
Bang. Or if you have ever wore a pair of Crocs,

00:39:46.440 --> 00:39:50.239
even just trying them out. You are a pussy. Hello,

00:39:50.300 --> 00:39:54.460
this is Phineas J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver

00:39:54.460 --> 00:40:01.739
your music news this evening. Toto Steve Lukather

00:40:01.739 --> 00:40:04.239
said that Michael Jackson's beat was almost ruined

00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:06.980
by Eddie Van Halen. Steve Lukather has explained

00:40:06.980 --> 00:40:08.840
that the issue wasn't Eddie Van Halen's solo

00:40:08.840 --> 00:40:11.639
itself, but that Eddie and his engineer, Don

00:40:11.639 --> 00:40:14.820
Landy, edited the master tape and messed up the

00:40:14.820 --> 00:40:16.940
time code, which was crucial for syncing other

00:40:16.940 --> 00:40:19.380
tracks. This forced Lukather and drummer Jeff

00:40:19.380 --> 00:40:22.719
Porcano to meticulously... Recreate the song's

00:40:22.719 --> 00:40:25.119
backing tracks from scratch, using the faint

00:40:25.119 --> 00:40:27.179
bleed of the drums in Michael Jackson's vocal

00:40:27.179 --> 00:40:31.500
track, and reestablishing the rhythm. This is

00:40:31.500 --> 00:40:36.199
Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been your

00:40:36.199 --> 00:40:39.360
music news for this evening. I have one burning

00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:42.699
question for you all. Do people really skip around

00:40:42.699 --> 00:40:47.739
the Maypole? Hey, good kid. No one gives an ounce

00:40:47.739 --> 00:40:50.139
of shit what you had for breakfast. Not even

00:40:50.139 --> 00:40:52.460
the person on the other end. You look like a

00:40:52.460 --> 00:40:54.900
mentally slow driv yelling into thin air all

00:40:54.900 --> 00:40:57.360
through the store. I pray that Bluetooth shorts

00:40:57.360 --> 00:40:59.820
you out and blows up your eardrums. What men

00:40:59.820 --> 00:41:02.619
consider self -centered dunce. Mommy constantly

00:41:02.619 --> 00:41:05.400
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look

00:41:05.400 --> 00:41:07.780
back home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably

00:41:07.780 --> 00:41:09.820
forgot the thieving because you're too busy looking

00:41:09.820 --> 00:41:13.559
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. People often

00:41:13.559 --> 00:41:16.320
ask, how do we cram so much money into one little

00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:19.980
show? Well, it's simple. We buy funny in bulk

00:41:19.980 --> 00:41:23.219
on the Internet. Hey, Mark, you're wanted at

00:41:23.219 --> 00:41:25.519
the front door. There's a big bag of funny they

00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:28.940
need you to sign for. Okay, thanks a lot. I'll

00:41:28.940 --> 00:41:30.820
be right there. I'm still sorting out the funny

00:41:30.820 --> 00:41:33.420
we got from yesterday. There's your answer. We

00:41:33.420 --> 00:41:47.440
buy funny in bulk on the Internet. To Douchebags

00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:50.019
and Microphone, I'm Mark here in the extreme

00:41:50.019 --> 00:41:53.320
southern tip of the Kansas City Metroplex at

00:41:53.320 --> 00:42:02.659
the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob in Wheatland,

00:42:02.739 --> 00:42:06.860
Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway

00:42:06.860 --> 00:42:10.139
and Water Track, and also home of Hickam Oak

00:42:10.139 --> 00:42:12.719
Country Store, where you can find all your needs,

00:42:12.900 --> 00:42:17.019
including a selfie with the... Green Sinclair

00:42:17.019 --> 00:42:22.159
dinosaur with the big penis. In the Deadline

00:42:22.159 --> 00:42:26.219
Studio. All right, thank you, Rob. Don't worry,

00:42:26.340 --> 00:42:29.440
I'll cut it back for Sunday nights in October.

00:42:29.719 --> 00:42:34.900
Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, I've got a question about

00:42:34.900 --> 00:42:37.639
Sunday nights. Are we still going to do the five

00:42:37.639 --> 00:42:39.639
-ass paddlings each? Is that going to be a regular

00:42:39.639 --> 00:42:49.309
thing? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure we could find recipients.

00:42:51.829 --> 00:42:54.710
Oh, there are a lot of ass paddlers that could

00:42:54.710 --> 00:43:01.309
go on there. Yeah, maybe not. Okay. All right,

00:43:01.429 --> 00:43:03.849
I got some emails here, Rob. You ready for them?

00:43:04.730 --> 00:43:08.030
Yep. All right. Hey, guys, I've been a loyal

00:43:08.030 --> 00:43:10.829
downloader for a long time, three years now and

00:43:10.829 --> 00:43:13.349
counting. I want to be known that adding Topher

00:43:13.349 --> 00:43:16.539
to the regular podcast was brilliant. I haven't

00:43:16.539 --> 00:43:19.280
laughed that hard since my ex -broker collarbone.

00:43:20.659 --> 00:43:27.119
Just kidding. Please keep this form of podcast

00:43:27.119 --> 00:43:30.980
going. I love this guy already. Well, yeah, you'll

00:43:30.980 --> 00:43:34.340
see. Also, if you slip me the number, I will

00:43:34.340 --> 00:43:36.840
be more than happy to call in. I believe you

00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:40.460
said Sunday night at 8 is this correct mark.

00:43:40.659 --> 00:43:46.860
Thank you, guys. Ross in Texas. Yes, Ross. Yeah,

00:43:46.920 --> 00:43:49.599
Ross, you're going to have to call. You can't

00:43:49.599 --> 00:43:51.539
call when Topher's calling in because I can't

00:43:51.539 --> 00:43:55.320
do more than three at a time. Me, Rob, and Topher.

00:43:55.500 --> 00:43:57.980
So if Topher's on the other line, I can't have

00:43:57.980 --> 00:44:01.539
another call because we're using the same phone.

00:44:01.980 --> 00:44:04.519
Now, you can call in like this show right here

00:44:04.519 --> 00:44:06.980
with me and Rob. You can call in on that one,

00:44:07.019 --> 00:44:09.980
and I will send you the number. Which will be

00:44:09.980 --> 00:44:14.219
normally on Wednesday nights. Yes. Yep. Unless

00:44:14.219 --> 00:44:17.320
Mark has one of his famous appointments, which

00:44:17.320 --> 00:44:22.280
is next week. It will be Wednesday. No appointment

00:44:22.280 --> 00:44:27.719
next week. Yeah, so, Ross, yeah, absolutely.

00:44:27.800 --> 00:44:30.599
We would love to hear from you. You are one of

00:44:30.599 --> 00:44:33.139
the best emailers we have. You've been listening

00:44:33.139 --> 00:44:34.719
for a long time. Yes, I can't wait to talk to

00:44:34.719 --> 00:44:36.940
you, Ross. Yeah, I think you're going to be an

00:44:36.940 --> 00:44:39.420
interesting guy. And, yes, you are welcome to

00:44:39.420 --> 00:44:41.780
call in. Just not when Topher's here because

00:44:41.780 --> 00:44:45.059
I can't do it like that. Exactly, yeah. We don't

00:44:45.059 --> 00:44:47.480
have double Bluetooth. Actually, it'd be three

00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:50.320
-way Bluetooth. Yeah, it would, and we just don't

00:44:50.320 --> 00:44:53.039
have that technology. We are a small operation.

00:44:54.059 --> 00:44:57.780
That's the way it is. All right, next one. Is

00:44:57.780 --> 00:45:00.659
Topher part of the old gang? Should I know him?

00:45:01.179 --> 00:45:03.960
Less smart time is good with me. Mitch, Lake

00:45:03.960 --> 00:45:09.139
Freeman ambassador and wind chime expert. The

00:45:09.139 --> 00:45:11.460
wind chime expert is... I'm going to let you

00:45:11.460 --> 00:45:16.099
handle that one, Mark. Okay. No, Topher is not

00:45:16.099 --> 00:45:18.420
part of the old gang. You would not know him.

00:45:19.769 --> 00:45:23.190
Mitch, sorry. You would know him. He wasn't around

00:45:23.190 --> 00:45:26.889
back then. No, he was not. Yep. And as far as

00:45:26.889 --> 00:45:31.230
the wind chime, I remember that. I remember that

00:45:31.230 --> 00:45:34.750
well. Yes. I'll get into it later. It's kind

00:45:34.750 --> 00:45:37.530
of a long story. But he put a little secret thing

00:45:37.530 --> 00:45:40.949
here, wind chime expert. Right. I know what you're

00:45:40.949 --> 00:45:43.750
talking about. I remember it, Mitch. But I'll

00:45:43.750 --> 00:45:47.090
explain it probably, I don't know, maybe next

00:45:47.090 --> 00:45:50.039
week on a podcast when we don't. I mean, we're,

00:45:50.119 --> 00:45:52.239
like, running way over, so I'm not going to do

00:45:52.239 --> 00:45:54.019
it tonight. And besides that, I've got to remember

00:45:54.019 --> 00:45:57.340
all of it. Or if you remember the whole thing

00:45:57.340 --> 00:46:00.340
about the wind chime fiasco, send me all the

00:46:00.340 --> 00:46:02.940
details, Mitch, and I will talk about it. So

00:46:02.940 --> 00:46:05.980
thank you, and I appreciate it. Yeah, Mitch,

00:46:06.460 --> 00:46:10.219
you can call in, too. Schedule it. Oh, you know

00:46:10.219 --> 00:46:13.219
what? Mitch, I'll send you the number. Yeah,

00:46:13.360 --> 00:46:16.099
hell yeah. Yeah, I'd love to just hear his voice.

00:46:21.789 --> 00:46:25.090
Yeah, yeah. That was about four decades worth,

00:46:25.230 --> 00:46:27.789
yeah. Yeah, and get on Instagram or Facebook

00:46:27.789 --> 00:46:30.750
for God's sakes, Mitch. Come on. I mean, I'd

00:46:30.750 --> 00:46:33.590
love to see some pictures of him. Unless he's

00:46:33.590 --> 00:46:35.750
under another alias or something. I can't find

00:46:35.750 --> 00:46:40.420
him. So, anyhow. All right, next one. Mark, how

00:46:40.420 --> 00:46:42.860
do you get your tulips to look so good? Spring

00:46:42.860 --> 00:46:45.199
is right around the corner. Could you do me a

00:46:45.199 --> 00:46:47.519
solid and let us in on your gardening secrets?

00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:52.980
Elaine in Panama City Beach. It's probably nice

00:46:52.980 --> 00:46:57.539
and warm down there right now. Okay, well, what

00:46:57.539 --> 00:47:01.940
I do is I have a choir. I actually rent out a

00:47:01.940 --> 00:47:05.579
choir, and I have them sing to my tulips, and

00:47:05.579 --> 00:47:09.289
it works really well. Rob, you've heard of that,

00:47:09.349 --> 00:47:13.010
right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Rob does it, too. You've

00:47:13.010 --> 00:47:17.469
got a tiptoe around, too. Yes, yes, you do. Google

00:47:17.469 --> 00:47:21.409
it. And since you're in Panama Beach, it would

00:47:21.409 --> 00:47:25.610
definitely be a big help if you planned a blackbird

00:47:25.610 --> 00:47:29.389
instead of sand. You know what, Rob? Absolutely.

00:47:29.409 --> 00:47:31.349
You know what? You should have asked Rob. You

00:47:31.349 --> 00:47:33.630
should have asked Rob and not me. He's got the

00:47:33.630 --> 00:47:37.829
answer. Hey, my wife's a thermologist. Oh, wow,

00:47:37.969 --> 00:47:44.489
okay. Well, okay, yeah, that's to plant them

00:47:44.489 --> 00:47:48.829
in black dirt, no sand, and have at least a 20

00:47:48.829 --> 00:47:52.550
-piece choir sing to them daily. Yeah, yeah.

00:47:53.130 --> 00:47:55.150
They're a little expensive, but if you want good

00:47:55.150 --> 00:47:56.989
tulips, that's what you're going to have to do.

00:47:57.230 --> 00:48:00.469
Oh, and you definitely have to hire the midget

00:48:00.469 --> 00:48:04.150
to tiptoe around them. Yes, yes, that's right.

00:48:04.289 --> 00:48:08.400
Yep, a midget that blows fire, right? Yeah. All

00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:10.880
right, Elaine. We hope we did you some good with

00:48:10.880 --> 00:48:16.420
that. Next one. Rob, I would like a personalized

00:48:16.420 --> 00:48:20.539
autographed loincloth. How much would that run

00:48:20.539 --> 00:48:26.920
and how do I order one? Lisa in Oregon. Holy

00:48:26.920 --> 00:48:30.719
shit. I'm going to have to get my maker busy.

00:48:33.099 --> 00:48:36.130
I'm getting orders for them, dude. I know. This

00:48:36.130 --> 00:48:38.110
is what, the third one? I really am. Someone

00:48:38.110 --> 00:48:42.650
wants some. I'm going to have to get my tailor

00:48:42.650 --> 00:48:49.210
busy. Yeah. Because, yeah, I'm running short

00:48:49.210 --> 00:48:54.309
on time. I've got a lot going on. I will get

00:48:54.309 --> 00:48:57.630
back with you on that, and I will put them out

00:48:57.630 --> 00:49:00.630
for sale. All right, there you go, Lisa. Give

00:49:00.630 --> 00:49:07.059
them my tailor. Individual sizes and everything.

00:49:07.480 --> 00:49:12.440
Yeah, yep. All right, Lisa, thanks for the email.

00:49:13.260 --> 00:49:16.599
All right, next one. Dude, it was a front quarter

00:49:16.599 --> 00:49:20.840
panel for an AMC Pacer. I just re -listened to

00:49:20.840 --> 00:49:26.659
that show, Telly and Bismarck. Was it? It wasn't

00:49:26.659 --> 00:49:29.699
a Gremlin, it was a Pacer? Well, no, actually

00:49:29.699 --> 00:49:31.940
there was a few different vehicles. That's what

00:49:31.940 --> 00:49:33.639
I thought. I thought there was two of them. Anyway,

00:49:33.639 --> 00:49:37.860
go ahead. Oh, okay, that was it. Telly and Bismarck,

00:49:37.860 --> 00:49:40.719
he just wanted to let us know that he re -listened

00:49:40.719 --> 00:49:44.199
to that show, and it was an AMC Pacer, but I

00:49:44.199 --> 00:49:47.420
think it was both. It was a Grimlock and a Pacer.

00:49:47.480 --> 00:49:51.159
What it was, it was a battle between Montrose

00:49:51.159 --> 00:49:57.940
and Typewad. That's right. Yeah, we had all different

00:49:57.940 --> 00:50:03.340
kinds of car parts for me to come up with. Yeah,

00:50:03.519 --> 00:50:07.159
and Yeah, Montrose wanted me to keep going. Yeah,

00:50:07.219 --> 00:50:11.840
Tightwad, Junkyard. Yeah, there was a bunch of

00:50:11.840 --> 00:50:15.019
them back and forth. And I ended up telling them

00:50:15.019 --> 00:50:20.800
both, screw yourselves. Make up. They kept using

00:50:20.800 --> 00:50:25.059
us. Yes, Telly and Bismarck, what a great email.

00:50:25.179 --> 00:50:30.820
Wasn't that good? Yeah, yeah, no, no. That's

00:50:30.820 --> 00:50:33.840
an old show. He listened to that show. No, there

00:50:33.840 --> 00:50:37.599
was different car parts. Yeah. There was a car

00:50:37.599 --> 00:50:42.639
part for, it was like a fender for a Vega. Yeah,

00:50:42.639 --> 00:50:47.000
yeah, a Chevy Vega. A grill for a Cadillac. Yeah.

00:50:47.059 --> 00:50:52.019
All kinds of stuff. Yeah. So, Telly, listen to

00:50:52.019 --> 00:50:54.599
the shows before and after that, because I believe

00:50:54.599 --> 00:50:56.500
they were all in a row there. There was a lot

00:50:56.500 --> 00:50:59.610
more. Yeah. So what a great deal, though. Thank

00:50:59.610 --> 00:51:02.070
you, Telly. That was really cool. I cannot believe

00:51:02.070 --> 00:51:05.110
they went back and listened to that episode and

00:51:05.110 --> 00:51:08.610
found out. That was a great skit we came up with

00:51:08.610 --> 00:51:11.190
on that one. It was. It was. And we're glad that

00:51:11.190 --> 00:51:13.210
you enjoyed it, Telly. Thank you for writing

00:51:13.210 --> 00:51:17.969
in. All right. Next one. Wasp in Tulsa. I'm in.

00:51:18.230 --> 00:51:21.570
Let's exchange information for a possible meetup.

00:51:21.989 --> 00:51:25.559
Randall in Flint, Michigan. I think the guy's

00:51:25.559 --> 00:51:28.579
serious. Is he coming from Flint, Michigan? Or

00:51:28.579 --> 00:51:34.559
does he, like, did he used to live there? Randall,

00:51:34.559 --> 00:51:37.340
send me another email. Let me know the particulars.

00:51:37.340 --> 00:51:39.500
Yeah, I'd love to meet up with you. And Topher

00:51:39.500 --> 00:51:57.679
would, too. would come down because I heard that

00:51:57.679 --> 00:52:02.320
Blackie Lawless said this is going to be like

00:52:02.320 --> 00:52:06.360
one of the it's going to be tamed down but the

00:52:06.360 --> 00:52:09.340
music is going to be the same and they're going

00:52:09.340 --> 00:52:16.739
to put all their heart into it yeah they're going

00:52:16.739 --> 00:52:20.579
to put all their heart into it it may not be

00:52:20.579 --> 00:52:24.139
such all the antics but No, you know what? That's

00:52:24.139 --> 00:52:27.059
cool. The antics are fine and everything, but

00:52:27.059 --> 00:52:30.599
the music, he still sounds good and everything,

00:52:30.760 --> 00:52:33.340
so it's fine with me. Right, right. And that's

00:52:33.340 --> 00:52:36.000
what he's promising. That's what I read. He's

00:52:36.000 --> 00:52:38.760
going to be playing, yeah, you read right. Also,

00:52:38.880 --> 00:52:40.500
he's going to be playing some stuff he hasn't

00:52:40.500 --> 00:52:42.960
played in a long time, like off the Headless

00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:46.760
Children album, and hopefully he plays something

00:52:46.760 --> 00:52:51.519
off of Live in the Raw. And he's also going to

00:52:51.519 --> 00:52:53.840
be playing Inside the Electric Circus stuff,

00:52:54.139 --> 00:52:58.659
The Last Command, and, of course, Wasp, the original,

00:52:58.940 --> 00:53:02.739
Torture Never Stops, or self -titled album, depending

00:53:02.739 --> 00:53:05.800
on which one you got. It's the same thing. So,

00:53:05.840 --> 00:53:09.380
yeah, it's going to be stuff that he hasn't played

00:53:09.380 --> 00:53:14.340
in probably 30 years or more. So it's going to

00:53:14.340 --> 00:53:20.179
be good. You know, so I'm glad. You know, I mean,

00:53:20.260 --> 00:53:22.719
I'm pissed off at the concert industry, but at

00:53:22.719 --> 00:53:26.300
least I found a good way to get my credit that

00:53:26.300 --> 00:53:28.980
I spent on the Glenn Hughes concert that didn't

00:53:28.980 --> 00:53:32.380
happen here in Kansas City. At least I got it

00:53:32.380 --> 00:53:35.079
on something that I really wanted to see. So

00:53:35.079 --> 00:53:40.079
very cool. And then I have a couple more emails

00:53:40.079 --> 00:53:44.840
here. Let's see. Brushing your teeth while taking

00:53:44.840 --> 00:53:48.719
a dump or even peeing is disgusting. No way.

00:53:49.230 --> 00:53:52.969
Prince in North Carolina via New York, whatever

00:53:52.969 --> 00:54:00.730
that means. Prince. Oh, okay. This was a question.

00:54:03.269 --> 00:54:07.090
That's why I'm taking it. Yeah, that's the only

00:54:07.090 --> 00:54:09.690
part of that that I was concerned about, to be

00:54:09.690 --> 00:54:12.260
honest. I knew this was going to happen, the

00:54:12.260 --> 00:54:14.039
question of the week, because people listen to

00:54:14.039 --> 00:54:17.199
podcasts on their own leisure. This is from like

00:54:17.199 --> 00:54:19.360
a month and a half ago, is the question of the

00:54:19.360 --> 00:54:24.880
week. And Prince, thank you. Okay, we recorded

00:54:24.880 --> 00:54:28.659
it. Thank you. So you are not for brushing your

00:54:28.659 --> 00:54:33.000
teeth while taking a dump or even peeing. Because,

00:54:33.079 --> 00:54:36.940
you know what? I agree with that. I get you.

00:54:37.159 --> 00:54:40.840
I get you. I do too. So thank you for your participation.

00:54:41.579 --> 00:54:43.340
Stand up and look in the mirror at the same time.

00:54:44.119 --> 00:54:48.860
Yes. Next one. Are you guys ever bringing back

00:54:48.860 --> 00:54:53.460
the sports show? Mark and DC. Yeah. I thought

00:54:53.460 --> 00:54:56.059
we, I guess, I guess you didn't hear that part,

00:54:56.179 --> 00:54:59.960
but we've said several times and, and yeah, Mark,

00:55:00.199 --> 00:55:03.139
it's never, it's not going away. What it is is

00:55:03.139 --> 00:55:05.380
there's nothing to talk about. So we decided

00:55:05.380 --> 00:55:08.539
to do this alternate universe podcast of. Two

00:55:08.539 --> 00:55:10.940
douchebags and a microphone. That's all. The

00:55:10.940 --> 00:55:13.840
sports show is still there. If you listen to

00:55:13.840 --> 00:55:17.880
the first alternate universe, he explains it

00:55:17.880 --> 00:55:21.500
a little better. Yeah. The only reason why they

00:55:21.500 --> 00:55:24.340
don't do the sports show is because the NFL ain't

00:55:24.340 --> 00:55:26.659
on because they don't give a shit about any other

00:55:26.659 --> 00:55:31.539
sport. Not really. Yeah. He explains it. They

00:55:31.539 --> 00:55:34.400
explain it in the first show. I listen to it.

00:55:35.319 --> 00:55:37.420
Okay, thank you, Rob. I appreciate that. And

00:55:37.420 --> 00:55:39.739
Rob said it best. I have nothing to add to that.

00:55:39.820 --> 00:55:43.659
Thank you. Oh, that was out of your words on

00:55:43.659 --> 00:55:48.400
the first show. No, I know. I'm glad you said

00:55:48.400 --> 00:55:50.820
that because I didn't even think about directing

00:55:50.820 --> 00:55:53.760
him to that. But okay, thank you. I appreciate

00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:58.119
that, Rob. All right, and then finally, the shows,

00:55:58.219 --> 00:56:02.789
all of them suck. I would know. I listen to every

00:56:02.789 --> 00:56:06.730
show two times to make sure it sucks. Finney

00:56:06.730 --> 00:56:10.389
in Oakland. Okay, I say listen four or five times

00:56:10.389 --> 00:56:14.670
on different devices. Thank you for downloading

00:56:14.670 --> 00:56:16.969
all of them. Yeah, thank you for downloading

00:56:16.969 --> 00:56:20.610
them twice and making sure that they suck. We

00:56:20.610 --> 00:56:24.489
appreciate that. Thank you. We do. Yeah. So,

00:56:24.550 --> 00:56:28.849
Rob, I mean, I guess on both downloads we suck

00:56:28.849 --> 00:56:32.090
just the same. At least we're consistent, right?

00:56:32.170 --> 00:56:36.510
Yeah, yay, we're consistent. And we wonder how

00:56:36.510 --> 00:56:40.170
we got over a million. Yeah, yeah, people listened

00:56:40.170 --> 00:56:41.949
to it three or four times to make sure it was

00:56:41.949 --> 00:56:43.889
as horrible as they thought. Except people that

00:56:43.889 --> 00:56:48.289
hate us. Yep. Vinnie and Oakland, I love that.

00:56:48.329 --> 00:56:50.650
Thank you. And I don't think you really hate

00:56:50.650 --> 00:56:52.969
us like that. I think that was humor. I know.

00:56:53.230 --> 00:56:56.469
But if not, then okay. Everyone has a right to

00:56:56.469 --> 00:56:59.190
their opinion. This is not everybody's cup of

00:56:59.190 --> 00:57:01.650
tea. Thank you for taking your time to email

00:57:01.650 --> 00:57:04.849
us. Yes, absolutely. Thank you, Vinny. All right,

00:57:04.869 --> 00:57:09.230
Rob. Let's turn this thing over to you. All right.

00:57:09.230 --> 00:57:18.170
Well, you know what time it is. Yes, it's time

00:57:18.170 --> 00:57:22.559
for Rob's Bag of Garbage. Greatest... episode,

00:57:22.599 --> 00:57:26.639
or greatest segment ever in the history of all

00:57:26.639 --> 00:57:31.079
of mankind. And they're just short stories I

00:57:31.079 --> 00:57:33.039
come up with. Oh, they're great. I love them.

00:57:33.579 --> 00:57:39.059
Yeah. That's how you get two at a time. That's

00:57:39.059 --> 00:57:42.079
right. You get a bonus. Okay, the first one tonight.

00:57:43.940 --> 00:57:48.559
A stone diamond worth six figures was traded

00:57:48.559 --> 00:57:55.380
away for Western. Dinner money. Huh? Okay. Yeah.

00:57:56.039 --> 00:58:00.059
A shocking death case involving UPS employee

00:58:00.059 --> 00:58:04.019
Walter Earl Morrison. Oh, shit. There we go.

00:58:04.059 --> 00:58:06.940
Three names again. Yep, yep, yep, yep. He's probably

00:58:06.940 --> 00:58:10.519
a serial killer and he's part -time. Just kidding,

00:58:10.579 --> 00:58:15.960
allegedly. Oh, he could be on the police blotter.

00:58:20.809 --> 00:58:23.110
He made a national attention after authorities

00:58:23.110 --> 00:58:29.769
revealed that a diamond worth $160 ,000 had been

00:58:29.769 --> 00:58:36.250
stolen from a shipment in 2014. Prosecutors said

00:58:36.250 --> 00:58:42.630
Morrison used his access as an employee to remove

00:58:42.630 --> 00:58:47.750
the valuable gemstone while it was in transit

00:58:47.750 --> 00:58:52.769
through the delivery network. According to investigators,

00:58:53.150 --> 00:58:57.889
the diamond was later exchanged for approximately

00:58:57.889 --> 00:59:07.710
$20 worth of marijuana. An outcome that baffled

00:59:07.710 --> 00:59:10.329
law enforcement, given the enormous difference

00:59:10.329 --> 00:59:15.230
in value. The incident underscored both the risk

00:59:15.230 --> 00:59:19.650
quickly stolen goods can disappear outside legitimate

00:59:19.650 --> 00:59:28.659
work. The story remains one of the most unusual

00:59:28.659 --> 00:59:32.539
examples of how a valuable item was traded away

00:59:32.539 --> 00:59:43.139
for almost nothing. $160 ,000 diamond. $20 bag.

00:59:43.800 --> 00:59:46.860
Geez, yeah, that guy needs to aim higher. Geez.

00:59:49.440 --> 00:59:53.480
Fuck, at least go for a half. Shit. Yeah, yes.

00:59:53.940 --> 00:59:58.659
Oh, no, I did not say that. Oh, no, no, no. We

00:59:58.659 --> 01:00:01.019
don't support anything like that here at Two

01:00:01.019 --> 01:00:03.639
Douchebags and a Microphone. No, I don't. No,

01:00:03.760 --> 01:00:13.880
no, no, never. All right. And next up, hang on,

01:00:13.920 --> 01:00:16.199
I've got to hold it back. I still haven't replaced

01:00:16.199 --> 01:00:21.280
it yet. That's all you get. That's all I can

01:00:21.280 --> 01:00:49.639
say. He asked the court to appoint one, only

01:00:49.639 --> 01:00:52.809
to be denied. because Florida law at the time

01:00:52.809 --> 01:00:58.230
provided counsel only in capital cases. Forced

01:00:58.230 --> 01:01:02.610
to defend himself, Gideon was convicted and sentenced

01:01:02.610 --> 01:01:08.929
to five years in prison. Wow. There in a prison

01:01:08.929 --> 01:01:12.670
library, much like the one... Okay, yeah, they

01:01:12.670 --> 01:01:15.530
show up in front of him. He began studying law

01:01:15.530 --> 01:01:19.769
on his own, determined to challenge the system.

01:01:20.280 --> 01:01:26.039
that had failed him. Gideon eventually hand -wrote

01:01:26.039 --> 01:01:29.699
a petition to the U .S. Supreme Court arguing

01:01:29.699 --> 01:01:34.019
that the right to counsel should not depend on

01:01:34.019 --> 01:01:40.719
wealth. In Gideon v. Wainwright, 1963, the court

01:01:40.719 --> 01:01:44.920
unanimously agreed, ruling that states must provide

01:01:44.920 --> 01:01:48.840
attorneys to defendants who cannot afford them.

01:01:50.440 --> 01:01:54.719
Gideon was retried with a lawyer and acquitted.

01:01:55.159 --> 01:01:58.960
The case reshaped American criminal justice,

01:01:59.039 --> 01:02:04.059
ensuring that the constitutional promise of a

01:02:04.059 --> 01:02:08.599
fair trial applies to everyone, not just those

01:02:08.599 --> 01:02:15.380
who can pay for it. Wow. I like that one. I did

01:02:15.380 --> 01:02:20.539
too. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I... I did not know the

01:02:20.539 --> 01:02:24.460
history of how that came about. I didn't either.

01:02:24.940 --> 01:02:28.079
I liked that a lot. Very cool. Two very good

01:02:28.079 --> 01:02:32.599
stories. Thank you, Rob. Let's take our second

01:02:32.599 --> 01:02:35.480
break. I got a little story I want to get into

01:02:35.480 --> 01:02:39.380
when we come back. Sound about right? All right.

01:02:39.480 --> 01:02:44.559
All right. We'll be right back. And now, Deep

01:02:44.559 --> 01:02:48.099
Thoughts with Mark. Deep Thoughts with Mark.

01:02:49.920 --> 01:02:53.960
Coffee -flavored water doesn't sound good, but

01:02:53.960 --> 01:02:58.980
that's exactly what coffee is. That is weird.

01:03:04.079 --> 01:03:06.920
Two douchebags and microphone in an effort to

01:03:06.920 --> 01:03:12.079
keep everything fresh. We offer you First World

01:03:12.079 --> 01:03:17.099
Problems. I can't believe the coffee grinder

01:03:17.099 --> 01:03:22.179
is broke at the big box store. There's no way

01:03:22.179 --> 01:03:25.480
I can be expected to grind my coffee beans every

01:03:25.480 --> 01:03:29.360
damn morning. Now, from his underground bunker

01:03:29.360 --> 01:03:32.239
in Camden, Missouri, a stock full of dried goods,

01:03:32.500 --> 01:03:36.260
canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys is

01:03:36.260 --> 01:03:41.400
Ramblings of a Madman featuring Rob Rad. My mechanic

01:03:41.400 --> 01:03:46.269
told me I couldn't replace So I made you one

01:03:46.269 --> 01:03:53.329
letter. Good job. Hey there. We all have those

01:03:53.329 --> 01:03:56.969
annoying co -workers that do nothing. There's

01:03:56.969 --> 01:03:59.190
nothing we can do about it because HR departments

01:03:59.190 --> 01:04:02.349
are running scared of lawyers. So we have to

01:04:02.349 --> 01:04:05.190
work with these workless pieces of garbage. But

01:04:05.190 --> 01:04:07.869
we have to communicate about them without them

01:04:07.869 --> 01:04:10.909
knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags Microphone,

01:04:10.949 --> 01:04:12.949
we developed a way that you can speak about them

01:04:12.949 --> 01:04:14.880
right in front of them. without them knowing

01:04:14.880 --> 01:04:19.079
about it stay tuned cordless only works 40 minutes

01:04:19.079 --> 01:04:25.079
et always wants to go home kit kat always taking

01:04:25.079 --> 01:04:29.519
a break muffler always exhausted seaweed floats

01:04:29.519 --> 01:04:34.980
around all day sensor light only works when someone

01:04:34.980 --> 01:04:42.420
walks by wheelbarrow only works when pushed strange

01:04:42.420 --> 01:04:48.780
but True. In a remote area of the Amazon rainforest,

01:04:49.159 --> 01:04:52.320
a small parasitic catfish is reported to swim

01:04:52.320 --> 01:04:55.179
and kill the gyrithas of those who are mating

01:04:55.179 --> 01:04:58.179
in the Amazon River. Also called the vampire

01:04:58.179 --> 01:05:01.019
fish, it follows a urine stream, lodges itself

01:05:01.019 --> 01:05:04.360
in the gyritha, expands its fins to stay in place,

01:05:04.440 --> 01:05:06.880
and consumes tissue until hemorrhaging kills

01:05:06.880 --> 01:05:10.619
the host. The report states back to the 19th

01:05:10.619 --> 01:05:12.900
century the first documented removal from the

01:05:12.900 --> 01:05:17.440
human, occurred in 1997. Ms. Gulkenstein was

01:05:17.440 --> 01:05:19.320
tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of her.

01:05:19.820 --> 01:05:22.139
Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein

01:05:22.139 --> 01:05:24.880
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.

01:05:25.400 --> 01:05:29.280
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing

01:05:29.280 --> 01:05:33.960
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to

01:05:33.960 --> 01:05:35.960
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.

01:05:36.300 --> 01:05:40.119
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin

01:05:40.119 --> 01:05:45.440
monkey. Be very quiet. We're going to listen

01:05:45.440 --> 01:05:48.059
in as Rob, the capuchin monkey, tries to sell

01:05:48.059 --> 01:05:51.019
the rest of the capuchin monkeys Amway. Rob has

01:05:51.019 --> 01:05:53.500
always dreamed of becoming a diamond status Amway

01:05:53.500 --> 01:06:17.679
as a capuchin monkey. Little did our hero Rob

01:06:17.679 --> 01:06:21.119
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's

01:06:21.119 --> 01:06:23.239
Club and became violently pissed off when he

01:06:23.239 --> 01:06:26.000
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly

01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:28.199
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days

01:06:28.199 --> 01:06:32.559
straight. Rob could not sit down. Next up, Things

01:06:32.559 --> 01:06:36.760
Overheard in Hell. Well, that little handsome

01:06:36.760 --> 01:06:49.590
CD is just a laptop. Uh -huh. There are two douchebags

01:06:49.590 --> 01:06:52.730
and microphone. I am the marked portion of it

01:06:52.730 --> 01:06:55.670
in the extreme southern tip of the Kansas City

01:06:55.670 --> 01:07:05.690
Metroplex at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I

01:07:05.690 --> 01:07:10.349
am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent

01:07:10.349 --> 01:07:13.809
Blue Coast Oil Speedway and Water Track, and

01:07:13.809 --> 01:07:17.170
also home of the Acomos Country Store, where

01:07:17.170 --> 01:07:28.800
you can find all your... All right. Thank you,

01:07:28.800 --> 01:07:33.079
Rob. By the way, you know, we do our, you do

01:07:33.079 --> 01:07:35.840
your duck noises and I do my goat noises, right?

01:07:36.480 --> 01:07:39.420
Well, Topher is coming up with a possum noise

01:07:39.420 --> 01:07:43.000
that he's going to use. So I'm waiting for that.

01:07:43.059 --> 01:07:48.099
That sounds good to me. Sounds good. Yep, and

01:07:48.099 --> 01:07:51.980
he is with the Paisley Possum Studio, I believe,

01:07:52.059 --> 01:07:55.000
right? It was the Awkward Possum Studio, but

01:07:55.000 --> 01:07:57.619
before that it was the No Filter, but he found

01:07:57.619 --> 01:08:00.239
out that No Filter Studio was already taken,

01:08:00.300 --> 01:08:04.559
so. All right, Foxfoot? And Paisley came from

01:08:04.559 --> 01:08:08.900
his dog, so. Yes, yep. Yep, cute little thing,

01:08:08.920 --> 01:08:12.909
too, I might add. So, all right, Fox 5 Atlanta

01:08:12.909 --> 01:08:15.289
reported on February 10th that a passenger on

01:08:15.289 --> 01:08:17.869
a United Airlines flight boarded the wrong plane,

01:08:18.050 --> 01:08:20.869
then wondered why it was taking so long. The

01:08:20.869 --> 01:08:23.970
passenger intended to fly from Los Angeles to

01:08:23.970 --> 01:08:28.789
Managua, Nicaragua, through Houston. Six hours

01:08:28.789 --> 01:08:30.710
into the flight, he asked a flight attendant

01:08:30.710 --> 01:08:33.109
why it was taking so long to get to Houston.

01:08:33.970 --> 01:08:37.210
He then realized he was on a flight to Tokyo.

01:08:41.220 --> 01:08:44.340
Instead of going to Houston, United Airlines

01:08:44.340 --> 01:08:47.560
paid for a two -night hotel stay as they worked

01:08:47.560 --> 01:08:50.460
out a new itinerary for the passenger and offered

01:08:50.460 --> 01:08:56.720
a $1 ,000 travel credit. I love that. And if

01:08:56.720 --> 01:08:58.720
I was him, I would, you know, if he had the time,

01:08:58.779 --> 01:09:02.739
I'd be like, you know what? Go ahead and give

01:09:02.739 --> 01:09:06.520
me my return ticket and the credit for five days

01:09:06.520 --> 01:09:08.880
from now. I would have made a vacation out of

01:09:08.880 --> 01:09:13.840
it, wouldn't you? Yes, I would. But I don't know

01:09:13.840 --> 01:09:15.460
his work schedule. He might have had to get back

01:09:15.460 --> 01:09:17.340
to work or something. I don't know. But, man,

01:09:17.399 --> 01:09:19.199
that sounded like a perfect opportunity to go,

01:09:19.300 --> 01:09:22.300
hey, thanks for the vacation. Thanks for the

01:09:22.300 --> 01:09:26.220
couple nights stay. And thanks for the, you know,

01:09:26.220 --> 01:09:29.600
the flight back and the $1 ,000 credit. I mean,

01:09:29.619 --> 01:09:32.579
the guy would have scored pretty big. But, like

01:09:32.579 --> 01:09:34.680
I said, I don't know what his schedule was. He

01:09:34.680 --> 01:09:37.960
might have been back sooner than that. But, anyhow,

01:09:38.039 --> 01:09:40.460
that's all I got on that one. Rob, you got something?

01:09:41.579 --> 01:09:44.840
Yeah, I do. All righty. Let me get pulled back

01:09:44.840 --> 01:09:48.960
up here. All right. I had to pause for a minute.

01:09:57.319 --> 01:10:02.560
I'll tell you what, I'm smelling steel dust all

01:10:02.560 --> 01:10:08.159
day. It's really getting to me. Horrible on your

01:10:08.159 --> 01:10:10.279
sinus passages. I used to breathe it all the

01:10:10.279 --> 01:10:15.659
time. Ugh. It screws your sinuses up. Yeah, but

01:10:15.659 --> 01:10:19.539
once I start sneezing, it's like five, six, eight

01:10:19.539 --> 01:10:23.899
sneezes at a time. Mm -hmm. Hence our break right

01:10:23.899 --> 01:10:26.939
now, because I can mute it real quick. Okay,

01:10:27.060 --> 01:10:33.640
I'm back. Okay. Well, I had one story I was going

01:10:33.640 --> 01:10:39.979
to go into. Okay. But seeing how Topher loved

01:10:39.979 --> 01:10:45.050
my... story the other night. Topher wasn't the

01:10:45.050 --> 01:10:51.710
only one. Oh, no. I got another one that surpasses

01:10:51.710 --> 01:10:54.350
that. I'll save that one for Sunday. You know

01:10:54.350 --> 01:10:59.010
what? Yes, yes. Instead, I'm going to come across

01:10:59.010 --> 01:11:05.510
with this. Okay. This is for the WWE fans. Oh,

01:11:05.510 --> 01:11:12.119
right on. Newly released release video. has revealed

01:11:12.119 --> 01:11:16.220
that a high speed car chase involving Vince McMahon

01:11:16.220 --> 01:11:24.420
the former WWE CEO in Connecticut last summer

01:11:24.420 --> 01:11:27.399
occurred while a state trooper was attempting

01:11:27.399 --> 01:11:32.939
to pull him over. The July incident where state

01:11:32.939 --> 01:11:38.840
police caught Vince McMahon 80 years old driving

01:11:38.840 --> 01:11:45.710
his plus $1 ,000 2024 Bentley Continental GT

01:11:45.710 --> 01:11:52.510
going 100 miles an hour at times higher on the

01:11:52.510 --> 01:11:56.590
Marriott Parkway in Westport. Coincidentally,

01:11:56.689 --> 01:12:01.909
it happened to be the same day WWE legend Hulk

01:12:01.909 --> 01:12:06.010
Hogan died of a heart attack in Florida. Oh,

01:12:06.010 --> 01:12:11.979
wow. Same day. Wow. Okay. Hulk Hogan dies, big

01:12:11.979 --> 01:12:15.020
man's getting pulled over for doing 100 mile

01:12:15.020 --> 01:12:21.279
an hour. It goes on to say, why were you driving

01:12:21.279 --> 01:12:25.800
over 100 mile an hour? State Police Detective

01:12:25.800 --> 01:12:31.260
Maxwell Robbins asked McMahon. Oh, by the way,

01:12:31.399 --> 01:12:48.989
there was a crash involved. Okay. the way you

01:12:48.989 --> 01:12:55.850
see her. Okay, why do you... That's what I was

01:12:55.850 --> 01:12:59.949
getting ready to say. Why was he speeding? Yeah.

01:13:02.710 --> 01:13:06.930
Robin's dash cam video shows my man driving northbound

01:13:06.930 --> 01:13:11.109
in the right lane when he approaches a BMW in

01:13:11.109 --> 01:13:15.029
the same lane. Appears to hit the brakes and

01:13:15.029 --> 01:13:17.949
swerves into the left lane at the last second.

01:13:19.180 --> 01:13:22.359
The Bentley clipped the rear of the other car

01:13:22.359 --> 01:13:26.720
before smashing into left -wing guardrail and

01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:30.920
careening back onto the highway. Created a cloud

01:13:30.920 --> 01:13:35.699
of dirt and car parts. Oh, wow. McMahon then

01:13:35.699 --> 01:13:39.479
stops on the right shoulder. Well, it sounds

01:13:39.479 --> 01:13:42.640
like he didn't have a choice. Yeah. He only just

01:13:42.640 --> 01:13:49.489
hit the ass end of the BMW. Yeah. No one was

01:13:49.489 --> 01:13:52.029
seriously injured in the crash, police said.

01:13:52.989 --> 01:13:56.670
Besides damage to the rear of the BMW, another

01:13:56.670 --> 01:13:59.630
vehicle driving on the opposite side of the parkway

01:13:59.630 --> 01:14:04.149
was struck by flying debris. The driver of that

01:14:04.149 --> 01:14:07.750
third car happened to be wearing a WWE shirt.

01:14:11.289 --> 01:14:16.409
Oh yeah, that's been funny. That is funny. McMahon

01:14:16.409 --> 01:14:23.020
was signed for reckless driving. A state judge

01:14:23.020 --> 01:14:26.800
in October allowed McMahon to enter a pre -trial

01:14:26.800 --> 01:14:30.100
probation program that would result in charges

01:14:30.100 --> 01:14:35.260
being erased from his record next October if

01:14:35.260 --> 01:14:49.680
he successfully completes the program. Okay,

01:14:49.819 --> 01:14:52.460
to where does it say, or just charitable anywhere?

01:14:53.380 --> 01:14:58.619
I guess to whatever charity he wants. Oh, okay.

01:15:00.279 --> 01:15:03.760
State police said Robbins was trying to catch

01:15:03.760 --> 01:15:06.939
up with McMahon on the parkway at clockwise speed

01:15:06.939 --> 01:15:10.859
before pulling over. They said the incident was

01:15:10.859 --> 01:15:15.600
not a pursuit, which happens when police chase

01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:21.390
someone trying to flee officers. Yeah, they said

01:15:21.390 --> 01:15:24.409
it did not appear McMahon was trying to escape

01:15:24.409 --> 01:15:28.729
the trooper. Police video shows Robbins telling

01:15:28.729 --> 01:15:31.590
McMahon about his efforts to catch up to McMahon.

01:15:32.850 --> 01:15:36.170
I'm trying to catch up to you, and you keep taking

01:15:36.170 --> 01:15:40.289
off, Robbins says. No, no, no, I'm not trying

01:15:40.289 --> 01:15:45.050
to outrun you, McMahon says. An accident information

01:15:45.050 --> 01:15:48.529
summary provided to... media shortly after the

01:15:48.529 --> 01:15:51.729
crash did not mention that a trooper was following

01:15:51.729 --> 01:15:57.670
McMahon. The Associated Press obtained the videos

01:15:57.670 --> 01:16:01.229
Wednesday through a public records request. They

01:16:01.229 --> 01:16:04.630
were first obtained by the Sunday's paper. Police

01:16:04.630 --> 01:16:07.430
body cameras recorded troopers' interactions

01:16:07.430 --> 01:16:10.909
with McMahon on the side of the highway. Well,

01:16:10.989 --> 01:16:14.970
and that's the way it goes. The cop took it easy

01:16:14.970 --> 01:16:19.380
on him. Yeah. He really did. I don't have a problem

01:16:19.380 --> 01:16:26.939
with that. Yeah. And the gallop they hit, she

01:16:26.939 --> 01:16:31.319
said she was okay. She was heading to the ferry

01:16:31.319 --> 01:16:34.579
to go to Martha's Vineyard. Hey, did he sign

01:16:34.579 --> 01:16:38.899
her shirt, maybe? Huh? Did Vince McMahon sign

01:16:38.899 --> 01:16:43.619
her shirt, maybe? Oh, no. It was the third party.

01:16:43.899 --> 01:16:47.149
Oh, the third party. Oh. Oh, okay, okay. The

01:16:47.149 --> 01:16:50.069
body that was in the other lane, the debris hit

01:16:50.069 --> 01:16:53.729
the car. Okay, is that wearing the WWE shirt?

01:16:53.970 --> 01:16:56.750
Okay, gotcha, okay. So I don't know what the

01:16:56.750 --> 01:16:59.770
hell he got. Well, maybe he got a signed shirt,

01:16:59.869 --> 01:17:02.850
I don't know. He probably got his car repaired.

01:17:03.350 --> 01:17:06.510
Probably, I'm pretty sure, so. All right, well,

01:17:06.630 --> 01:17:14.010
that's a cool story, thank you. It is. 908. Rob,

01:17:14.229 --> 01:17:15.710
you're the one that's got to get up. Well, I've

01:17:15.710 --> 01:17:18.970
got to get up early, too. What am I saying? Are

01:17:18.970 --> 01:17:20.670
you ready to shut this down, or do you want to

01:17:20.670 --> 01:17:23.510
go a little further? Oh, we'll go a little further.

01:17:23.829 --> 01:17:27.850
Okay, cool. Alrighty. I've got something here.

01:17:29.829 --> 01:17:34.939
Alright. Australian TV reporter Danica Mason

01:17:34.939 --> 01:17:39.119
offered an on -air apology on February 19th after

01:17:39.119 --> 01:17:41.220
coverage of the Winter Olympics got a little

01:17:41.220 --> 01:17:45.779
sloppy. CTV News reported. On February 18th,

01:17:45.779 --> 01:17:48.140
Mason reportedly stumbled over several words

01:17:48.140 --> 01:17:52.859
and wandered off topic. The price of coffee in

01:17:52.859 --> 01:17:55.800
Italy was one of the subjects. and iguanas in

01:17:55.800 --> 01:17:58.939
the United States was another subject that she

01:17:58.939 --> 01:18:01.239
wandered off course with when she's supposed

01:18:01.239 --> 01:18:03.500
to be talking about the Olympics. Before one

01:18:03.500 --> 01:18:05.239
of her colleagues in the studio... You're the

01:18:05.239 --> 01:18:08.380
girl. Yeah, yep, I'm getting there. You're the

01:18:08.380 --> 01:18:11.159
girl. Yep. Anyway. Before one of... No, I'm just

01:18:11.159 --> 01:18:14.029
guessing. No, you're... I think you're right.

01:18:14.149 --> 01:18:17.210
So, before one of her colleagues in the studio

01:18:17.210 --> 01:18:19.989
blamed the cold climate for her slurring, the

01:18:19.989 --> 01:18:22.510
next day Mason said she totally misjudged the

01:18:22.510 --> 01:18:25.689
situation. I shouldn't have had a drink, and

01:18:25.689 --> 01:18:29.010
especially in these conditions. It's cold, we've

01:18:29.010 --> 01:18:31.510
got altitude, and not having dinner probably

01:18:31.510 --> 01:18:34.270
didn't help as well. It's not the standard that

01:18:34.270 --> 01:18:37.270
I need to set for myself, and I deeply apologize,

01:18:37.470 --> 01:18:40.670
and it will not happen again. And, you know,

01:18:41.789 --> 01:18:46.210
I agree with her because me and a guy who used

01:18:46.210 --> 01:18:50.930
to work with Brian was in Colorado. And we went

01:18:50.930 --> 01:18:54.250
to this Dillon Dam Brewery in Dillon, Colorado.

01:18:54.869 --> 01:18:57.489
And this is outside of Denver, about an hour.

01:18:58.189 --> 01:19:01.590
And we had one drink each. We had to be careful.

01:19:01.649 --> 01:19:05.369
We was in a rental. And we got done with that

01:19:05.369 --> 01:19:08.369
one beer. We was watching the Chiefs game. And

01:19:08.369 --> 01:19:13.210
we get out. And you could noticely tell you were

01:19:13.210 --> 01:19:16.989
drinking with just one beer. One beer, and it

01:19:16.989 --> 01:19:19.090
wasn't like, I don't know, a 20 % or nothing

01:19:19.090 --> 01:19:22.470
like that. It was a regular beer. And we're both

01:19:22.470 --> 01:19:24.350
like, what the hell happened? And then we realized

01:19:24.350 --> 01:19:28.409
the higher the altitude, the easier it is to

01:19:28.409 --> 01:19:32.350
get drunk. And so the lady was right about the

01:19:32.350 --> 01:19:35.649
altitude. I don't know about everything else,

01:19:35.670 --> 01:19:38.850
but I kind of agree with her with that. And it

01:19:38.850 --> 01:19:41.470
doesn't sound like she got in trouble, so okay.

01:19:43.350 --> 01:19:45.369
All right, that's all I got on that one, Rob.

01:19:47.729 --> 01:19:52.909
All right. Let me get rid of this ad. Okay. All

01:19:52.909 --> 01:19:58.109
right. Yeah, I hate when ads pop up. Yeah, I

01:19:58.109 --> 01:20:04.489
do too. Yeah, okay. A staple food of bread in

01:20:04.489 --> 01:20:07.680
Missouri appears to have it. usually long shelf

01:20:07.680 --> 01:20:11.500
life, as a center made a shocking revolution

01:20:11.500 --> 01:20:15.100
about a loaf that has remained intact for over

01:20:15.100 --> 01:20:21.359
two years. The lawmaker stood in his office holding

01:20:21.359 --> 01:20:25.000
the loaf, showing that it was still in good condition

01:20:25.000 --> 01:20:29.279
on a TikTok video. This is a loaf of bread from

01:20:29.279 --> 01:20:32.279
Aldi that was purchased over two and a half years

01:20:32.279 --> 01:20:37.189
ago. It's been in this office as an experiment.

01:20:38.829 --> 01:20:43.369
You can use it as an accordion. Smash it up.

01:20:45.409 --> 01:20:49.550
He said as he pressed the loaf, adding that even

01:20:49.550 --> 01:20:52.810
Eric, another man who was present in the office,

01:20:53.090 --> 01:21:00.329
could testify to its longevity. He then recorded

01:21:00.329 --> 01:21:04.720
a close -up of the loaf and said, No mold. It

01:21:04.720 --> 01:21:08.640
smells fine. You can smash it down and it will

01:21:08.640 --> 01:21:14.739
come right back up as he demonstrated. Wow. What

01:21:14.739 --> 01:21:18.659
the hell is our food? We are going to work on

01:21:18.659 --> 01:21:22.600
legislation to provide information on what we

01:21:22.600 --> 01:21:25.800
are putting in our bodies, he said, emphasizing

01:21:25.800 --> 01:21:28.920
that they were determined to investigate further.

01:21:29.500 --> 01:21:34.119
Yeah. Oh, my God, dude. Two and a half years

01:21:34.119 --> 01:21:38.399
of loaf of bread, dude. Right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm

01:21:38.399 --> 01:21:47.460
just wondering. It really is. A young man disguised

01:21:47.460 --> 01:21:51.159
as bread, someone thought. Another question,

01:21:51.260 --> 01:21:54.500
the difference in food ingredients. Why can't

01:21:54.500 --> 01:21:57.039
we have the same ingredients in our food that

01:21:57.039 --> 01:21:59.800
they have in other countries? That'd be nice.

01:22:00.600 --> 01:22:04.180
Why all that and grants? They make us sick to

01:22:04.180 --> 01:22:07.199
keep big pharmaceutical companies making money.

01:22:07.920 --> 01:22:12.579
This is why. Mm -hmm. Oh, it goes on. Yeah, and

01:22:12.579 --> 01:22:16.260
all these responses go on. And it, yeah, it's

01:22:16.260 --> 01:22:20.439
going back to the shit we don't talk about. Yeah.

01:22:20.520 --> 01:22:23.000
It gets into big pharma, it gets into government.

01:22:24.960 --> 01:22:29.329
And it's true. How the hell? Could you get a

01:22:29.329 --> 01:22:32.310
loaf of bread two and a half years to look fine,

01:22:32.449 --> 01:22:37.149
taste fine? That's way too many preservatives.

01:22:37.609 --> 01:22:41.550
Way too many. Something is up. Well, I mean,

01:22:41.590 --> 01:22:43.689
processed foods are horrible for you. There's

01:22:43.689 --> 01:22:47.029
no doubt about it. And basically, the only way

01:22:47.029 --> 01:22:49.210
you can get around processed foods is something

01:22:49.210 --> 01:22:52.869
that does not come in a package. Everything that

01:22:52.869 --> 01:22:57.050
comes in a package has been processed. Take that

01:22:57.050 --> 01:23:00.630
for what you will. Okay. Wow, Rob, thank you.

01:23:00.989 --> 01:23:03.569
Appreciate that story. You're coming with some

01:23:03.569 --> 01:23:07.430
good ones today. I mean, they're all good. Yeah.

01:23:09.069 --> 01:23:13.529
But the booty bandit, that was... I think Tover

01:23:13.529 --> 01:23:14.890
and I were laughing about that. I'm waiting on

01:23:14.890 --> 01:23:17.789
Sunday. I got one to top that. Okay. That sounds

01:23:17.789 --> 01:23:21.369
good to me. I'm waiting on Tover for it. Okay.

01:23:23.229 --> 01:23:25.329
Alright, well, you want to go ahead and shut

01:23:25.329 --> 01:23:30.029
this thing down then? Yeah, sounds good. Okay,

01:23:30.229 --> 01:23:36.229
alright. Well, on this one, I only tell everyone

01:23:36.229 --> 01:23:39.550
to go fuck themselves whenever I'm with Topher's

01:23:39.550 --> 01:23:42.109
on the program too, so I can't do that. I'm just

01:23:42.109 --> 01:23:43.689
going to have to say thank you everybody for

01:23:43.689 --> 01:23:48.250
listening. Good night, assholes. Good night,

01:23:48.289 --> 01:23:53.319
assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's over,

01:23:53.439 --> 01:23:56.800
kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford

01:23:56.800 --> 01:24:00.180
a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be

01:24:00.180 --> 01:24:01.920
back invading your ear holes soon.