Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's
right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two
Douchebags and a Microphone, live from the historic
river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,
but only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.
Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio
in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap
studio from Extreme Southern Tent for the Kansas
City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's
grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they
throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're
happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself
off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's
a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need
rolling papers. Well, since you're here, let's
get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.
All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic
thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to download every podcast.
I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all
friends, family members and workmates download
this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to
grab idle computers, work computers, friends
computers, community computers and other assorted
phones and listening devices and download the
show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will
download the show. and constantly barrage everyone
with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and
scream the show's name from my front yard. And
finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,
we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,
Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you
go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's
a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two
Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind
our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume
we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will
lie if it makes the story better. Two Douchebags
and a Microphone. Hey, peeps. It's time for the
police blotter. That's right stories about stupid
criminals and the dumbassness that ensued. Let
us begin now. Dean Young, 26, entered a parked
landscaping van in Hialeah, Florida, allegedly
to steal the tools in the inside. He accidentally
locked himself inside the van and begins screaming
for someone to let him out. The landscapers heard
the man's screams and promptly called the police
where he was arrested for breaking and entering
a vehicle and for attempted theft. This guy gets
a stupid pendant pronto. Good evening, friends
and neighbors. I'm going to read to you a list
of hypocrites. Self -righteous assholes that
want to tell you what you're doing wrong, but
will not address this for themselves. One newer
issue among these dollards... is the stolen land
gimmick. They tell us we need to give up the
land back, but when they were confronted, they
offered nothing. Therefore, hypocrites and liars.
Alyssa Milano, hypocrite and a liar. Mark Ruffalo,
hypocrite and a liar. Jane Fonda, longtime hypocrite,
liar. Elizabeth Warren, longtime idiot, liar,
hypocrite. Leonardo DiCaprio. Your name might
be on a list somewhere that just came out. I
don't know. Possibly. Maybe you need to shut
your mouth. Yeah, you probably do. Billy Eilish.
Liar. Ben and Jerry. Liars. We go on for another
hour, but you get the point. I once again present
to you the You First Movement. This is when you
mouth off about stolen land or anything else.
You go first. You live on stolen land. You give
your land back. But until this happens, shut
the fuck up. Fuck up. Hi there. This is your
ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?
I thought we were friends. Hey, my fellow heavy
breeders. This is Dash Riptide. Your music news.
Legendary guitarist Sackwild unretires the grail.
the 1981 Gibbs and Les Paul for the new Ozzy
Osbourne tribute track. You know this guitar.
It's the bullseye Les Paul he made famous in
the first few years of joining Ozzy. The grill,
as the guitar is known as, Zach is unretiring
the beauty for a tribute track saluting the Prince
of Darkness. No word on when or how the song
will hit the public. We will keep you posted.
This is Dash Ruktine, and that was your music
news. If it's too loud, you'd probably have ear
damage, just like me. Hey there. We all have
those annoying coworkers that do nothing. There's
nothing we can do about it because HR departments
are running scared of lawyers. So we have to
work with these worthless pieces of garbage.
But we have to communicate about them without
them knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags
Microphone, we developed a way that you can speak
about them right in front of them without them
knowing about it. Stay tuned. First code name,
Absolute Zero. They contribute nothing and effectively
stop all molecular motion in the project. Dark
matter. You know they're there. They take up
space, but they provide no light and cannot be
observed doing actual work. Static. High noise.
Zero signal. Stays in one place. Event Horizon.
Once a task enters their orbit, it is never seen
again. How about Buffer? They take 20 minutes
to process a 5 second request. The Screensaver.
Looks like they're working, but as soon as you
touch them, they disappear. Cloud Mode. Just
floating around, vague, and nobody knows what
they actually do. And finally, 404. Task not
found. Stay tuned for more of these gems. Hey
everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give
you some tips for life. Record loud train noises
on your phone. That way you won't take any big
dump in the... Two douchebags and microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the
Talk is Cheap studio. green Sinclair dinosaur
with a big penis. There you go, Mark. All right,
thank you. In the duck blind studio. All right,
good. I'm glad that we know this now, that Dino
the Sinclair dinosaur has a huge penis, and thank
you for bringing that up on your intro, although
your intro's pretty much lasting the whole show
now, which is awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and
yeah, I'm going to have to cut back on the big
penis. Yeah, you know what? We can bring it up
every now and then. It's well known now. Yeah,
yeah. Everybody knows about Dino. You keep talking
about it. I know, I know. I'm being a dick. I
can't help it. Okay, we are proud to announce
that Topher will be joining us every Sunday night.
So there will be three douchebags and a microphone,
one show a week. Yes. I can't wait. I had the
time of my life the other night. I think we all
did. My jaw was hurting from laughing so much
when we got back. Oh, my God, yes. It took me
like two hours before I could even get to bed.
I was laughing so hard. It was just fantastic.
I was like, will you shut the fuck up? No, I
won't. No, it was too fun. We had a great time.
We did. That was really amazing. I appreciate
it. So maybe I need to come up with a different
intro possibly, you think, for the two douchebags
and microphone and Topher or whatever. I don't
know. Yeah, definitely. Come up with a little
something for Sunday nights. Yeah, I think it'd
be cool. Anyhow, the Olympics just wrapped up.
Congratulations to the men's and women's U .S.
hockey teams for capturing the gold. The men's
game was an overtime thriller of sudden death.
That was one of the best games ever in the history
of the Olympics, and I could not believe it.
I mean, I was at work. when it was going on,
and I had a bunch of people tell me during break,
did you see the game? Did you see the game? I
said, I don't even know the fucking score. I
don't know who won. Then they said, well, we
got the gold. And then when I got home, I watched
that game, and I watched it two times, the ending.
It was Sudden Death Thriller, and America has
the gold in hockey for both men and women, so
we did very well. Go USA. USA. Very good. Very
good. It was probably the best game ever, hockey
game ever in the history of the Olympics. Even
the 1980 improbable win of the U .S. over the
Ruskies, the Russians. Everyone remembers that
vaguely because we were much younger. I did not
personally get to watch it. Well, I didn't. They
keep putting it above that one. I didn't. I didn't
get to watch it either because I was much younger.
Or equal to that match, if not. Yeah, so it was
a very good thing. So I've been a Snoop Dogg
fan for a long time, and it's largely because
of how cool he is. Are you a Snoop Dogg fan,
Rob? Yes, I am. Yeah, he's just... He's like
the new George Clinton. Yeah, he is. The way
I look at it, he really is. Only he doesn't have
the funk like he did. I hear that George Clinton
did not smell too much. He's got his own method.
No, no, no. Snoop is great. I'm talking about
George Clinton supposedly didn't wear deodorant.
He didn't believe in it, and he would ripen up
a room really quick. That's what I'm speaking
of. Oh, yeah, good point. And I mean, I think
it's true, but who knows? I mean, I don't know.
It may not be true. Maybe someone made that up.
But anyhow, so, you know, I also enjoy his music
too. I mean, he has a typical coolness that I'm
speaking of. In Italy, Snoop was with friends
watching the Olympics when he decided to grab
some lunch. He ordered a large amount of hot
dogs, cheeseburgers, and chicken wings and nuggets.
When it was time to tab out, his card was declined.
And if he's like me, he never remembers to call.
His card and tell them he'll be out of the country.
So the card thinks it's fraud and it shuts down.
I had this happen to me in Puerto Rico. I've
had it happen to me on a lot of different areas
that I've been outside of the U .S. I even had
it happen in Canada one time. And what it is,
is if you don't call your credit card and go,
hey, I'm going to be over here or over there.
Like, let's say you're in the Canary Islands.
You should call your credit card ahead of time
and go, hey, I'm going to be in the Canary Islands.
Then they'll go, oh, yeah, what are the dates?
Then you go, February 10th through the 20th.
And they go, okay, all right, we got this down.
So if the card's used over there during that
time, we're not going to block it. We're going
to let it go through. Okay, so I think that's
what happened. So the restaurant owner's daughter
recognized Snoop and told her mom to let him
go. So the mom did. She said, don't worry about
it. You don't have to pay. It's cool. You know,
you can't get your card working. It's fine. We
don't care. Go ahead. So, you know, that was
cool of him. A few hours later, Snoop sent over
a handful of tickets to attend the Olympic snowboarding
competition. Now, that's cool. And that's one
of the reasons we love Snoop. Isn't that great?
Yeah. They did him a solid. He didn't forget
about it. And those tickets were probably worth
probably... 50 times more than what his meal
was of whatever he bought. Those tickets were
expensive and hard to get. And it's very cool
of him to think of the people that helped him
out. You know, they didn't have to. They could
have said, no, you find another way to pay or
shake down one of your friends. But they're like,
no, no, no, Snoop, it's cool. You know, we love
you. It's cool. Go ahead. And they didn't ask
for payment. So he was very cool. And he sent
back those tickets, which are very expensive
and hard to get. Not on that. I'm just having
a Topher moment at the moment. Oh, okay. You
know how the other day Topher said his story
changed? Oh, that happened to you too, huh? No,
I'm not... actually pulled something up on Google,
saved it, and now it does not go in near what
it said it did long ago. Okay, so that's you
and Topher. When I had a whole story about it.
Interesting. Okay, I've had that happen. I will
try to come up with more on this. It's my first
story. Go ahead. Okay. There's something going
on with that, but we'll get into that later.
Because that happened to me, too. It happened
to you, and it's happening to Topher. So they're
doing something differently. So anyhow. This
is in Google. I Googled something. Wow. And saved
it. And now I come back to it. And it ain't there.
It's only like half of what I had saved. Okay,
and Topher actually had a lot of his article
taken out, too. Okay, the UK lapped us again
with another high -up arrest. This time, the
proud recipient of such a filthy award is Peter
Mandelson. former European ambassador for trade
with the U .S. Now Great Britain has two high
-profile arrests in connection with Epstein,
and the U .S. has zero. My only question is,
none of the charges have anything to do with
pedophilia. Is this only because the giving out
sensitive material is easier to prove? Or are
they trying to protect them even though they
act like they're going after them? You know,
this was in response to the young lady that identified
former Prince Andrew. And the headline that they
did in the U .K.-based paper, The Sun, is, he's
sweating now, is what they put. when former Prince
Andrew got arrested, right? I'm trying to describe
this right. I'm sorry. I'm kind of going around
the edges, and I probably shouldn't have, so
I apologize. So, okay, I'll put it like this
here, and sorry about the long form I'm doing
here, but, okay, the U .K.-based paper, The Sun,
when he was arrested, they had a big picture
of him, you know, being arrested, and it said,
he's sweating now. So this was in response to
the young lady that identified former Prince
Andrew as one of the clients at the island. She
stated that this large, hulky guy was sweating
all over her. And his response was, I don't sweat.
So the son remembered that, and their headline
about him getting arrested was, he's sweating
now. Isn't that brilliant? Yeah, it is. I love
that. And supposedly King Charles said, do with
him whatever you want. I don't care. So we'll
see if that holds true, because if that holds
true, then he will be behind bars soon and not
get out. So Psychology Today had a good article
that I read. It suggests that people that don't
post about their leisure activities and food
pics are not antisocial or even an introvert.
but that they have realized that posting about
your fun activities and posting is not living
your life to the fullest. And I think I agree
with that 100%. I can vouch for this as well.
I used to snap a shit ton of videos at concerts
when I realized I was missing a good chunk of
the show by waiting for that special moment I
wanted everyone else to witness. Do you know
what I'm talking about, Rob? I mean, this article
is true. Yeah. You miss out on so much going
on when you're like, oh, I gotta snap this video
so everybody can see this guy playing guitar.
And actually, you're probably pretty much the
only one that gives that much of a shit about
it. Some people might browse through it and watch
a couple of seconds of, oh, okay, cool, and then
go on. But the thing is, is when you're doing
that, you're not enjoying the show. You're stressing
because you're trying to get that one video that's
going to be so cool that everyone's going to
go, you're waiting for that wow moment, right?
When you should be sitting there, you know, enjoying
your show or even food, you know, getting ready
to dig into a big pile of nachos. But first it's
like, oh, hang on. I got to take the nacho pics.
Everybody can see this big pile of fucking gourdum,
you know. But so I agree, you know. I actually
now what I do at concerts is I take all my videos
and photos at once, and then I don't really use
my camera after that. I just try to enjoy the
show. And so it's a good thing that I do now
because I feel like I enjoy the moment much more
than I used to. What about you, Rob? Anything
like that? Yeah, actually I do. Actually I do.
Okay. Okay. All right. So violence in Mexico
has forced cruise ships to alter their voyages.
Cruise lines are bypassing Puerto Vallarta following
a wave of cartel violence triggered by the killing
of the main drug lord. And you know what? I didn't
even put his name down, and who cares? So everyone
knows who it is. Most cruise lines are doubling
up stops at Cabo San Lucas. Which is great with
me, because I'd rather go to Cabo any time than
Puerto Vallarta. Cabo is a much nicer, cleaner
place, in my opinion, and I enjoy it more. That's
true, yeah, yeah, Cabo Wabo. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's there in his fucking... Yeah, he's got places
down there, that's for sure. He's always spotted
there. He'd be wearing his Bermuda shorts and
sandals and acoustic guitar, maybe, I don't know.
That's why he lives down there. People don't
make a big deal about him down there anymore.
Yeah, you know, I get it. I mean, I think he
could... He's more laid back. He kind of looks
like... People like us, we'd be drooling all
over him. Well, he kind of looks like an average
old man now. I don't know how much you get recognized.
Have you seen any recent pictures of him? Yeah,
I have. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how much you
get recognized. That's how I would recognize
him. Yeah, other than that, I wouldn't have.
So, yeah, I got you. So, Dr. Pepper has a new
Cream Swirl Soda. This limited edition soda combines
the brand's flavor with cream and brown sugar
swirls. I don't know. Oh, oh, damn. You think
that sounds good? God, you said swirls again.
Yeah. I thought you first said squirrel. I was
like, oh my God, we're getting in my neck of
the woods. No, there is no squirrel -flavored
Dr. Pepper that I know of. Okay, okay. You said
swirl. I thought you said squirrel. No, I did
not say squirrel. I said swirl. I might need
to clean my head, my ear pods. The newly relaunched
Mr. Pibb has released a new bold peach and vanilla.
I don't know. The new Mr. Pibb. They went to
Pibb Extra for a while, for actually quite a
few years. Now they changed it back to Mr. Pibb,
but they didn't change it back to the original
formula, which I really liked. And now it's just
like some sort of, it's got extra caffeine in
it, and they call it like a kickin' spicy cherry
cola. I call it meh at best. But I don't know.
Maybe other people like it. Peach and vanilla,
it might be good. You know, I think I will try
it and see how it is and go from there. But I
don't know. I was disappointed that when they
brought back the original brand name, Mr. Pibb,
that it didn't bring the original formula, which
is a little bit more, I don't know, darker and
chocolatier than the Dr. Pepper type of a drink.
So, anyhow, I liked them both. I mean, you know,
I have my moods for Mr. Pibb. I have my moods
for Dr. Pepper. So, anyhow. So, now, new copies
and moccas are starting to decline in favor of
dirty sodas. The most popular are using Coke
or Dr. Pepper and jazzing it up with syrups,
fruit purees, and cream. So that might be interesting,
trying a dirty soda like that, especially like
a Dr. Pepper with like a fruit puree in it or
something like that or cream. I think that would
be pretty good, especially like a fountain Dr.
Pepper. What do you think? I don't know. If I
do a dirty thing, it'd be a cherry Pepsi or something
like that, you know, something they already make.
Oh, okay. All right. That's cool. To be honest,
I don't drink much soda anyway. I really don't.
I cut way back on mine. Yeah, I've really cut
back over the past few years. Well, I mean, GERD,
it does not help GERD, the acidic acid, the not
acidic. The citric acid in it does not help your
GERD at all, so I needed to stop it anyhow. So
I got myself down to one Mexican Coke a day,
and that's it. And I try to leave it there. So
anyhow, speaking of drinks, Gen Z rejects trendy
nightlife with the reintroduction to local dive
bars. Gen Z is tired of trying to get inexpensive
clubs and long wait lists. Instead, the popular
opinion is local, laid -back dive bars. Rob,
I've always been a dive bar guy. What about you?
Oh, yeah. I would prefer a dive bar. Me too.
Always hated the look -at -me spots. Always just
thought that they were just... Yeah, there's...
Yeah, there's... You go to the bigger places,
there's too many people. Yeah. I always rather
go someplace I can kick back, relax, you know,
and just chill and take in the scenery. Yeah,
and just talk. You know, just conversation. I
really enjoy good conversation over a couple
of beers. You can't beat that. It's great. Meet
new people. Meet new people. Yep. I mean, all
I need is a yinling bottle or a PBR, preferably
in a bottle. But if not, I will take a PBR in
a can. And a pinball machine, an old pinball
machine, like an old Midway one. Or an old Stern
one, you know, like Elvira or Godzilla or something
like that. And where are you going to find those?
In the dive bars. Exactly. You're not going to
find them at the Look At Me spots. No. No. No,
you don't. Go down to Westport and then borrow
a 5 -10 -volt machine. No, no, no, you will not.
And that's okay, because I drive through Westport
occasionally to get to work, but I do not stop
there. I will stop one time at the, they have
a new Dave's Hot Chicken in Westport. And have
you ever tried that, Rob? No. It's a chain, I
think, out of California. And is there a take
on... No, we don't have them down here. Okay.
Well, I'll tell you what. When you come up, that
might be one of the places we have to hit. Because
I'll tell you what. That stuff is really good.
It's a chain, I think, from California. Is there
a take on hot Nashville chicken? But it's completely
different than Nashville hot chicken. Yeah, you
keep telling me about it. Oh, it's so good. We're
supposed to go there. We're supposed to go to
Jesse Jim's. We're supposed to go to this place.
We're supposed to go to that place. You know
what? We're going to be too big. Yeah, we ain't
going to get nothing in. We're going to be too
full to eat. You know what? We'll figure it out
when you get up here. Yeah, we'll figure it out.
Yeah, so anyhow, well, they have a rooftop eating
area at the new Dave's Hot Chicken in Westport,
and it looks really cool. So I'd like to go get
some chicken on a nice day and go sit up there
on the roof. There you go. Yep. And I don't think
they sell beer there, but you know what? Who
cares? It's still good. um all right and burger
king is updating the whopper with a better bun
creamier mayo and a new box packaging for a higher
quality experience without uh without altering
the core burger so i think that sounds pretty
good so they didn't screw with the whopper too
much because the whopper is good if it's made
right and someone gives a crap about it you know
you don't have some some guy back there scratching
his ass you know someone that actually has a
little bit of pride making it, it's still a good
burger. And I'm glad that they're going to like
try to make it a little bit more premium in ingredients.
And I think that would be really good because
the Whopper is still a good sandwich. I think
jazzing it up a little bit and making a little
higher quality would be a great idea for the
franchise, especially with places like McDonald's
like that are kind of floundering and kind of
out of answers. I think we could use a new, better
burger. In town, so. Anyhow, that's all I got.
Rob, let's go to you. All right. Well, today
at work, me and, well, I was doing my job. You
know, I was taking piece of steel, putting up
there, cutting. Well, the lead welder was at
the bend right behind me. Mm -hmm. next to my
table. So, you know, my speaker's sitting right
there. And we were listening to the radio station
because I wasn't going to mention the radio station.
But after what I looked up, yeah, this story
totally flipped script on me once I got home.
But anyway, we were listening to the story and
they were talking about how there's this part
of your brain that smells burnt toast. And as
they put it, that's all it does is smell burnt
toast. And he's over there doing his job. I'm
doing my job. We're listening to the news. And
he gets to the end and he puts in a You know?
Not being able to smell burnt toast. You know,
and me and the lead welder look at each other
and we just start chuckling. You know, because
we're thinking about our wives listening to this
story. Well, me doing my homework, I get home
and I Google it. Okay. Here's what Google come
up with, and this is where it gets serious, and
I'm glad it gets serious. Okay. Because this
is something for everybody to look out for. Okay?
Okay. The olfactory complex located within the
brain's temporal and frontal lobes is responsible
for detecting and processing the smell of burning
toast. Okay. Wow. initial smell signals are received
by the olfactory bulb and processed in these
deeper brain areas, which are linked to memory
and emotion. Okay, the brain location, and this
is on Google, you can Google it. The temporal
lobe, specifically the area related to the sense
of smell, olfactory cortex, is heavily involved.
involved in processing this scent. Historical
Context Neosurgeon Dr. Wilder Penfield discovered
this in the 1950s by stimulating the temporal
lobes of awake patients, causing them to experience
vivid, familiar smells like burning toast, which
helped map sensory functions. burning toast.
The sensation of smelling burning toast is famously
associated with sensory seizures or more commonly
a symptom of phantom phantom oh shit phantom
anyway it's hallucinated orders. Okay. Well,
like I mentioned a while ago, this thing pulled
a toaster on me. Yeah, and it changed the article
up. Wow. Yeah, it did because it went a lot deeper.
What it basically does is it, and it was telling
me, if you smell burning toast and there's nobody
cooking toast, that could be, the signs of a
stroke or a heart attack. More commonly a stroke.
Yeah, actually, I did know that. I didn't know
you didn't connect the dots. And that's where
the story dropped, and that's weird coming from
Google. Because, yeah, it came up a lot more.
There's also some other smells, too. I think
one of them might be egg salad is another one
that people smell. Right before his stroke? Yeah,
probably eggs. Probably just eggs. Yeah, and
then there's something else, too. But, yeah,
I actually, I did know that. I mean, I don't
know how common it is, but it does happen. So,
wow, all right. Like I said, the guy on the radio,
I mean, you know, they only, what caught me off
guard is they only told part of the story. Uh
-huh. You know. And he made a joke about it,
which on the radio, I guess that's what you do.
But I come home, and I actually did the homework,
and I'm like, oh, my God, really? Well, I mean,
they're trying to be entertaining. This can be
a serious thing. Yeah, it can. They're just being
entertaining. If you smell toast, and nobody's
cooking toast, that means hallucination. That
means you need to get to the doctor. Yeah. My
first suggestion is take a couple of baby aspirin
or low -dose aspirin. They always say that. Because
if you thin out your blood, the better chance
you are of your arteries not getting blocked.
That's what they always say. Look it up first,
and you make the mind up for yourself, okay?
Because I'm not giving you medical advice, but
I'm telling you that... For myself, I think that
I would do that when I thought I was having a
heart attack and it was GERD. The first thing
they told me when I called 911 is they said,
take five or six baby aspirin right now or low
-dose aspirin. So you do the research yourself.
If you think that's for you, go ahead. But I
know that I did. Anyhow. And luckily it was not
a heart attack. It was GERD. And they got serious.
Rob, thank you. I mean, that's a good thing for
people to know. And, you know, keep that in mind.
Keep that in mind. So, all right. If you smell
burnt toast, give them that. Yep. Yeah, or call
911 maybe. I mean, you know, I don't know how
long you have. Yeah, seriously. If you're getting
ready to have a stroke, I don't know how long
you have. Especially if nobody in the house is
cooking toast. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, if they're
cooking toast, don't worry about it. That's probably
them burning it. But if not, then yeah, I agree
with you, Rob. That's why me and the lead blogger
looked at each other. You could tell we were
both taking over our wives. Burnt toast. I would
plead the fifth. I'm going to pull the guy off
of Hogan's Heroes. I know nothing. I know nothing.
There you go. All righty. Let's come back with
some emails. But first, new guy's going to tell
you about the deck of cards that was a world
record that the little girl accidentally knocked
over. And I think it's in New York. So we got
to put new guy to work. He hasn't had anything
going on in a while, right? So we think he's
calmed down. Hey, hey. Yeah. I'm going to give
him credit. Okay. So with all three of us, he
was on his best behavior. He was. I agree. I
agree. He was good. He was. He was good. So we'll
see if he keeps it up now. This one does not
have Topher in it. So maybe he's afraid of Topher.
I don't know. So we'll see. Okay. Hey, new guy.
New guy. Get over here. Do your shit. All right.
We'll be right back. Two douchebags. And a microphone.
There is no escape. Enter at your own risk. You
will not make it out. Run while you still can,
bitches. And now we look in on the adventures
of the technical explanation guy. Oh my, would
you look at the rightly scattering? It sure is
brilliant tonight. First off, you're on private
property. Second, you're in my flower garden.
Third, if you're talking about the sunset, yes,
it is stunning. And finally, would you get the
hell off my property, you annoying fucking bastard.
Since the dawn of time, weird shit has happened.
Strange occurrences, unexplained phobias, and
other odd happenings. Over the next minute, we
would like to bring you odd, rare phobias and
conditions. Perry -Romberg syndrome. Cause is
unknown. No known cure. And extremely rare. Parts
of the face slowly wither. Over years, muscles,
skin, even bones shrink on one side of the face,
causing disfigurement when it stops progressing.
You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse
inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts
beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the post -apocalypse. Remember, post
-apocalypse to have a sewage bit. Sewage untreated
can result in serious illness and other obstacles
for your family to live well. You also should
have some chemicals stocked up, maybe bags of
chlorine or something of such, to sanitize the
sewage per week. Tomorrow morning while grinding
your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,
remember to not get your genitals caught in the
grinder. It really hurts. Who could afford plastic
surgery? Stay safe, everyone. Your mama's so
fat. When she was floating in the ocean, Spain
claimed her as their new territory. Here we go.
Signs that you might be a pussy. Signs that you
might be a pussy. If you've ever had Phil Collins
or Oingo Boingo posters on your wall. If you've
ever raised your coffee mug or tea glass with
your pinky extended. If you often lotion up your
hands with no apparent reason. If you like poached
eggs. If you sing along to Chitty Chitty Bang
Bang. Or if you have ever wore a pair of Crocs,
even just trying them out. You are a pussy. Hello,
this is Phineas J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver
your music news this evening. Toto Steve Lukather
said that Michael Jackson's beat was almost ruined
by Eddie Van Halen. Steve Lukather has explained
that the issue wasn't Eddie Van Halen's solo
itself, but that Eddie and his engineer, Don
Landy, edited the master tape and messed up the
time code, which was crucial for syncing other
tracks. This forced Lukather and drummer Jeff
Porcano to meticulously... Recreate the song's
backing tracks from scratch, using the faint
bleed of the drums in Michael Jackson's vocal
track, and reestablishing the rhythm. This is
Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been your
music news for this evening. I have one burning
question for you all. Do people really skip around
the Maypole? Hey, good kid. No one gives an ounce
of shit what you had for breakfast. Not even
the person on the other end. You look like a
mentally slow driv yelling into thin air all
through the store. I pray that Bluetooth shorts
you out and blows up your eardrums. What men
consider self -centered dunce. Mommy constantly
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look
back home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably
forgot the thieving because you're too busy looking
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. People often
ask, how do we cram so much money into one little
show? Well, it's simple. We buy funny in bulk
on the Internet. Hey, Mark, you're wanted at
the front door. There's a big bag of funny they
need you to sign for. Okay, thanks a lot. I'll
be right there. I'm still sorting out the funny
we got from yesterday. There's your answer. We
buy funny in bulk on the Internet. To Douchebags
and Microphone, I'm Mark here in the extreme
southern tip of the Kansas City Metroplex at
the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob in Wheatland,
Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway
and Water Track, and also home of Hickam Oak
Country Store, where you can find all your needs,
including a selfie with the... Green Sinclair
dinosaur with the big penis. In the Deadline
Studio. All right, thank you, Rob. Don't worry,
I'll cut it back for Sunday nights in October.
Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, I've got a question about
Sunday nights. Are we still going to do the five
-ass paddlings each? Is that going to be a regular
thing? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure we could find recipients.
Oh, there are a lot of ass paddlers that could
go on there. Yeah, maybe not. Okay. All right,
I got some emails here, Rob. You ready for them?
Yep. All right. Hey, guys, I've been a loyal
downloader for a long time, three years now and
counting. I want to be known that adding Topher
to the regular podcast was brilliant. I haven't
laughed that hard since my ex -broker collarbone.
Just kidding. Please keep this form of podcast
going. I love this guy already. Well, yeah, you'll
see. Also, if you slip me the number, I will
be more than happy to call in. I believe you
said Sunday night at 8 is this correct mark.
Thank you, guys. Ross in Texas. Yes, Ross. Yeah,
Ross, you're going to have to call. You can't
call when Topher's calling in because I can't
do more than three at a time. Me, Rob, and Topher.
So if Topher's on the other line, I can't have
another call because we're using the same phone.
Now, you can call in like this show right here
with me and Rob. You can call in on that one,
and I will send you the number. Which will be
normally on Wednesday nights. Yes. Yep. Unless
Mark has one of his famous appointments, which
is next week. It will be Wednesday. No appointment
next week. Yeah, so, Ross, yeah, absolutely.
We would love to hear from you. You are one of
the best emailers we have. You've been listening
for a long time. Yes, I can't wait to talk to
you, Ross. Yeah, I think you're going to be an
interesting guy. And, yes, you are welcome to
call in. Just not when Topher's here because
I can't do it like that. Exactly, yeah. We don't
have double Bluetooth. Actually, it'd be three
-way Bluetooth. Yeah, it would, and we just don't
have that technology. We are a small operation.
That's the way it is. All right, next one. Is
Topher part of the old gang? Should I know him?
Less smart time is good with me. Mitch, Lake
Freeman ambassador and wind chime expert. The
wind chime expert is... I'm going to let you
handle that one, Mark. Okay. No, Topher is not
part of the old gang. You would not know him.
Mitch, sorry. You would know him. He wasn't around
back then. No, he was not. Yep. And as far as
the wind chime, I remember that. I remember that
well. Yes. I'll get into it later. It's kind
of a long story. But he put a little secret thing
here, wind chime expert. Right. I know what you're
talking about. I remember it, Mitch. But I'll
explain it probably, I don't know, maybe next
week on a podcast when we don't. I mean, we're,
like, running way over, so I'm not going to do
it tonight. And besides that, I've got to remember
all of it. Or if you remember the whole thing
about the wind chime fiasco, send me all the
details, Mitch, and I will talk about it. So
thank you, and I appreciate it. Yeah, Mitch,
you can call in, too. Schedule it. Oh, you know
what? Mitch, I'll send you the number. Yeah,
hell yeah. Yeah, I'd love to just hear his voice.
Yeah, yeah. That was about four decades worth,
yeah. Yeah, and get on Instagram or Facebook
for God's sakes, Mitch. Come on. I mean, I'd
love to see some pictures of him. Unless he's
under another alias or something. I can't find
him. So, anyhow. All right, next one. Mark, how
do you get your tulips to look so good? Spring
is right around the corner. Could you do me a
solid and let us in on your gardening secrets?
Elaine in Panama City Beach. It's probably nice
and warm down there right now. Okay, well, what
I do is I have a choir. I actually rent out a
choir, and I have them sing to my tulips, and
it works really well. Rob, you've heard of that,
right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Rob does it, too. You've
got a tiptoe around, too. Yes, yes, you do. Google
it. And since you're in Panama Beach, it would
definitely be a big help if you planned a blackbird
instead of sand. You know what, Rob? Absolutely.
You know what? You should have asked Rob. You
should have asked Rob and not me. He's got the
answer. Hey, my wife's a thermologist. Oh, wow,
okay. Well, okay, yeah, that's to plant them
in black dirt, no sand, and have at least a 20
-piece choir sing to them daily. Yeah, yeah.
They're a little expensive, but if you want good
tulips, that's what you're going to have to do.
Oh, and you definitely have to hire the midget
to tiptoe around them. Yes, yes, that's right.
Yep, a midget that blows fire, right? Yeah. All
right, Elaine. We hope we did you some good with
that. Next one. Rob, I would like a personalized
autographed loincloth. How much would that run
and how do I order one? Lisa in Oregon. Holy
shit. I'm going to have to get my maker busy.
I'm getting orders for them, dude. I know. This
is what, the third one? I really am. Someone
wants some. I'm going to have to get my tailor
busy. Yeah. Because, yeah, I'm running short
on time. I've got a lot going on. I will get
back with you on that, and I will put them out
for sale. All right, there you go, Lisa. Give
them my tailor. Individual sizes and everything.
Yeah, yep. All right, Lisa, thanks for the email.
All right, next one. Dude, it was a front quarter
panel for an AMC Pacer. I just re -listened to
that show, Telly and Bismarck. Was it? It wasn't
a Gremlin, it was a Pacer? Well, no, actually
there was a few different vehicles. That's what
I thought. I thought there was two of them. Anyway,
go ahead. Oh, okay, that was it. Telly and Bismarck,
he just wanted to let us know that he re -listened
to that show, and it was an AMC Pacer, but I
think it was both. It was a Grimlock and a Pacer.
What it was, it was a battle between Montrose
and Typewad. That's right. Yeah, we had all different
kinds of car parts for me to come up with. Yeah,
and Yeah, Montrose wanted me to keep going. Yeah,
Tightwad, Junkyard. Yeah, there was a bunch of
them back and forth. And I ended up telling them
both, screw yourselves. Make up. They kept using
us. Yes, Telly and Bismarck, what a great email.
Wasn't that good? Yeah, yeah, no, no. That's
an old show. He listened to that show. No, there
was different car parts. Yeah. There was a car
part for, it was like a fender for a Vega. Yeah,
yeah, a Chevy Vega. A grill for a Cadillac. Yeah.
All kinds of stuff. Yeah. So, Telly, listen to
the shows before and after that, because I believe
they were all in a row there. There was a lot
more. Yeah. So what a great deal, though. Thank
you, Telly. That was really cool. I cannot believe
they went back and listened to that episode and
found out. That was a great skit we came up with
on that one. It was. It was. And we're glad that
you enjoyed it, Telly. Thank you for writing
in. All right. Next one. Wasp in Tulsa. I'm in.
Let's exchange information for a possible meetup.
Randall in Flint, Michigan. I think the guy's
serious. Is he coming from Flint, Michigan? Or
does he, like, did he used to live there? Randall,
send me another email. Let me know the particulars.
Yeah, I'd love to meet up with you. And Topher
would, too. would come down because I heard that
Blackie Lawless said this is going to be like
one of the it's going to be tamed down but the
music is going to be the same and they're going
to put all their heart into it yeah they're going
to put all their heart into it it may not be
such all the antics but No, you know what? That's
cool. The antics are fine and everything, but
the music, he still sounds good and everything,
so it's fine with me. Right, right. And that's
what he's promising. That's what I read. He's
going to be playing, yeah, you read right. Also,
he's going to be playing some stuff he hasn't
played in a long time, like off the Headless
Children album, and hopefully he plays something
off of Live in the Raw. And he's also going to
be playing Inside the Electric Circus stuff,
The Last Command, and, of course, Wasp, the original,
Torture Never Stops, or self -titled album, depending
on which one you got. It's the same thing. So,
yeah, it's going to be stuff that he hasn't played
in probably 30 years or more. So it's going to
be good. You know, so I'm glad. You know, I mean,
I'm pissed off at the concert industry, but at
least I found a good way to get my credit that
I spent on the Glenn Hughes concert that didn't
happen here in Kansas City. At least I got it
on something that I really wanted to see. So
very cool. And then I have a couple more emails
here. Let's see. Brushing your teeth while taking
a dump or even peeing is disgusting. No way.
Prince in North Carolina via New York, whatever
that means. Prince. Oh, okay. This was a question.
That's why I'm taking it. Yeah, that's the only
part of that that I was concerned about, to be
honest. I knew this was going to happen, the
question of the week, because people listen to
podcasts on their own leisure. This is from like
a month and a half ago, is the question of the
week. And Prince, thank you. Okay, we recorded
it. Thank you. So you are not for brushing your
teeth while taking a dump or even peeing. Because,
you know what? I agree with that. I get you.
I get you. I do too. So thank you for your participation.
Stand up and look in the mirror at the same time.
Yes. Next one. Are you guys ever bringing back
the sports show? Mark and DC. Yeah. I thought
we, I guess, I guess you didn't hear that part,
but we've said several times and, and yeah, Mark,
it's never, it's not going away. What it is is
there's nothing to talk about. So we decided
to do this alternate universe podcast of. Two
douchebags and a microphone. That's all. The
sports show is still there. If you listen to
the first alternate universe, he explains it
a little better. Yeah. The only reason why they
don't do the sports show is because the NFL ain't
on because they don't give a shit about any other
sport. Not really. Yeah. He explains it. They
explain it in the first show. I listen to it.
Okay, thank you, Rob. I appreciate that. And
Rob said it best. I have nothing to add to that.
Thank you. Oh, that was out of your words on
the first show. No, I know. I'm glad you said
that because I didn't even think about directing
him to that. But okay, thank you. I appreciate
that, Rob. All right, and then finally, the shows,
all of them suck. I would know. I listen to every
show two times to make sure it sucks. Finney
in Oakland. Okay, I say listen four or five times
on different devices. Thank you for downloading
all of them. Yeah, thank you for downloading
them twice and making sure that they suck. We
appreciate that. Thank you. We do. Yeah. So,
Rob, I mean, I guess on both downloads we suck
just the same. At least we're consistent, right?
Yeah, yay, we're consistent. And we wonder how
we got over a million. Yeah, yeah, people listened
to it three or four times to make sure it was
as horrible as they thought. Except people that
hate us. Yep. Vinnie and Oakland, I love that.
Thank you. And I don't think you really hate
us like that. I think that was humor. I know.
But if not, then okay. Everyone has a right to
their opinion. This is not everybody's cup of
tea. Thank you for taking your time to email
us. Yes, absolutely. Thank you, Vinny. All right,
Rob. Let's turn this thing over to you. All right.
Well, you know what time it is. Yes, it's time
for Rob's Bag of Garbage. Greatest... episode,
or greatest segment ever in the history of all
of mankind. And they're just short stories I
come up with. Oh, they're great. I love them.
Yeah. That's how you get two at a time. That's
right. You get a bonus. Okay, the first one tonight.
A stone diamond worth six figures was traded
away for Western. Dinner money. Huh? Okay. Yeah.
A shocking death case involving UPS employee
Walter Earl Morrison. Oh, shit. There we go.
Three names again. Yep, yep, yep, yep. He's probably
a serial killer and he's part -time. Just kidding,
allegedly. Oh, he could be on the police blotter.
He made a national attention after authorities
revealed that a diamond worth $160 ,000 had been
stolen from a shipment in 2014. Prosecutors said
Morrison used his access as an employee to remove
the valuable gemstone while it was in transit
through the delivery network. According to investigators,
the diamond was later exchanged for approximately
$20 worth of marijuana. An outcome that baffled
law enforcement, given the enormous difference
in value. The incident underscored both the risk
quickly stolen goods can disappear outside legitimate
work. The story remains one of the most unusual
examples of how a valuable item was traded away
for almost nothing. $160 ,000 diamond. $20 bag.
Geez, yeah, that guy needs to aim higher. Geez.
Fuck, at least go for a half. Shit. Yeah, yes.
Oh, no, I did not say that. Oh, no, no, no. We
don't support anything like that here at Two
Douchebags and a Microphone. No, I don't. No,
no, no, never. All right. And next up, hang on,
I've got to hold it back. I still haven't replaced
it yet. That's all you get. That's all I can
say. He asked the court to appoint one, only
to be denied. because Florida law at the time
provided counsel only in capital cases. Forced
to defend himself, Gideon was convicted and sentenced
to five years in prison. Wow. There in a prison
library, much like the one... Okay, yeah, they
show up in front of him. He began studying law
on his own, determined to challenge the system.
that had failed him. Gideon eventually hand -wrote
a petition to the U .S. Supreme Court arguing
that the right to counsel should not depend on
wealth. In Gideon v. Wainwright, 1963, the court
unanimously agreed, ruling that states must provide
attorneys to defendants who cannot afford them.
Gideon was retried with a lawyer and acquitted.
The case reshaped American criminal justice,
ensuring that the constitutional promise of a
fair trial applies to everyone, not just those
who can pay for it. Wow. I like that one. I did
too. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I... I did not know the
history of how that came about. I didn't either.
I liked that a lot. Very cool. Two very good
stories. Thank you, Rob. Let's take our second
break. I got a little story I want to get into
when we come back. Sound about right? All right.
All right. We'll be right back. And now, Deep
Thoughts with Mark. Deep Thoughts with Mark.
Coffee -flavored water doesn't sound good, but
that's exactly what coffee is. That is weird.
Two douchebags and microphone in an effort to
keep everything fresh. We offer you First World
Problems. I can't believe the coffee grinder
is broke at the big box store. There's no way
I can be expected to grind my coffee beans every
damn morning. Now, from his underground bunker
in Camden, Missouri, a stock full of dried goods,
canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys is
Ramblings of a Madman featuring Rob Rad. My mechanic
told me I couldn't replace So I made you one
letter. Good job. Hey there. We all have those
annoying co -workers that do nothing. There's
nothing we can do about it because HR departments
are running scared of lawyers. So we have to
work with these workless pieces of garbage. But
we have to communicate about them without them
knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags Microphone,
we developed a way that you can speak about them
right in front of them. without them knowing
about it stay tuned cordless only works 40 minutes
et always wants to go home kit kat always taking
a break muffler always exhausted seaweed floats
around all day sensor light only works when someone
walks by wheelbarrow only works when pushed strange
but True. In a remote area of the Amazon rainforest,
a small parasitic catfish is reported to swim
and kill the gyrithas of those who are mating
in the Amazon River. Also called the vampire
fish, it follows a urine stream, lodges itself
in the gyritha, expands its fins to stay in place,
and consumes tissue until hemorrhaging kills
the host. The report states back to the 19th
century the first documented removal from the
human, occurred in 1997. Ms. Gulkenstein was
tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of her.
Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. Be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob, the capuchin monkey, tries to sell
the rest of the capuchin monkeys Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a diamond status Amway
as a capuchin monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. Next up, Things
Overheard in Hell. Well, that little handsome
CD is just a laptop. Uh -huh. There are two douchebags
and microphone. I am the marked portion of it
in the extreme southern tip of the Kansas City
Metroplex at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I
am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent
Blue Coast Oil Speedway and Water Track, and
also home of the Acomos Country Store, where
you can find all your... All right. Thank you,
Rob. By the way, you know, we do our, you do
your duck noises and I do my goat noises, right?
Well, Topher is coming up with a possum noise
that he's going to use. So I'm waiting for that.
That sounds good to me. Sounds good. Yep, and
he is with the Paisley Possum Studio, I believe,
right? It was the Awkward Possum Studio, but
before that it was the No Filter, but he found
out that No Filter Studio was already taken,
so. All right, Foxfoot? And Paisley came from
his dog, so. Yes, yep. Yep, cute little thing,
too, I might add. So, all right, Fox 5 Atlanta
reported on February 10th that a passenger on
a United Airlines flight boarded the wrong plane,
then wondered why it was taking so long. The
passenger intended to fly from Los Angeles to
Managua, Nicaragua, through Houston. Six hours
into the flight, he asked a flight attendant
why it was taking so long to get to Houston.
He then realized he was on a flight to Tokyo.
Instead of going to Houston, United Airlines
paid for a two -night hotel stay as they worked
out a new itinerary for the passenger and offered
a $1 ,000 travel credit. I love that. And if
I was him, I would, you know, if he had the time,
I'd be like, you know what? Go ahead and give
me my return ticket and the credit for five days
from now. I would have made a vacation out of
it, wouldn't you? Yes, I would. But I don't know
his work schedule. He might have had to get back
to work or something. I don't know. But, man,
that sounded like a perfect opportunity to go,
hey, thanks for the vacation. Thanks for the
couple nights stay. And thanks for the, you know,
the flight back and the $1 ,000 credit. I mean,
the guy would have scored pretty big. But, like
I said, I don't know what his schedule was. He
might have been back sooner than that. But, anyhow,
that's all I got on that one. Rob, you got something?
Yeah, I do. All righty. Let me get pulled back
up here. All right. I had to pause for a minute.
I'll tell you what, I'm smelling steel dust all
day. It's really getting to me. Horrible on your
sinus passages. I used to breathe it all the
time. Ugh. It screws your sinuses up. Yeah, but
once I start sneezing, it's like five, six, eight
sneezes at a time. Mm -hmm. Hence our break right
now, because I can mute it real quick. Okay,
I'm back. Okay. Well, I had one story I was going
to go into. Okay. But seeing how Topher loved
my... story the other night. Topher wasn't the
only one. Oh, no. I got another one that surpasses
that. I'll save that one for Sunday. You know
what? Yes, yes. Instead, I'm going to come across
with this. Okay. This is for the WWE fans. Oh,
right on. Newly released release video. has revealed
that a high speed car chase involving Vince McMahon
the former WWE CEO in Connecticut last summer
occurred while a state trooper was attempting
to pull him over. The July incident where state
police caught Vince McMahon 80 years old driving
his plus $1 ,000 2024 Bentley Continental GT
going 100 miles an hour at times higher on the
Marriott Parkway in Westport. Coincidentally,
it happened to be the same day WWE legend Hulk
Hogan died of a heart attack in Florida. Oh,
wow. Same day. Wow. Okay. Hulk Hogan dies, big
man's getting pulled over for doing 100 mile
an hour. It goes on to say, why were you driving
over 100 mile an hour? State Police Detective
Maxwell Robbins asked McMahon. Oh, by the way,
there was a crash involved. Okay. the way you
see her. Okay, why do you... That's what I was
getting ready to say. Why was he speeding? Yeah.
Robin's dash cam video shows my man driving northbound
in the right lane when he approaches a BMW in
the same lane. Appears to hit the brakes and
swerves into the left lane at the last second.
The Bentley clipped the rear of the other car
before smashing into left -wing guardrail and
careening back onto the highway. Created a cloud
of dirt and car parts. Oh, wow. McMahon then
stops on the right shoulder. Well, it sounds
like he didn't have a choice. Yeah. He only just
hit the ass end of the BMW. Yeah. No one was
seriously injured in the crash, police said.
Besides damage to the rear of the BMW, another
vehicle driving on the opposite side of the parkway
was struck by flying debris. The driver of that
third car happened to be wearing a WWE shirt.
Oh yeah, that's been funny. That is funny. McMahon
was signed for reckless driving. A state judge
in October allowed McMahon to enter a pre -trial
probation program that would result in charges
being erased from his record next October if
he successfully completes the program. Okay,
to where does it say, or just charitable anywhere?
I guess to whatever charity he wants. Oh, okay.
State police said Robbins was trying to catch
up with McMahon on the parkway at clockwise speed
before pulling over. They said the incident was
not a pursuit, which happens when police chase
someone trying to flee officers. Yeah, they said
it did not appear McMahon was trying to escape
the trooper. Police video shows Robbins telling
McMahon about his efforts to catch up to McMahon.
I'm trying to catch up to you, and you keep taking
off, Robbins says. No, no, no, I'm not trying
to outrun you, McMahon says. An accident information
summary provided to... media shortly after the
crash did not mention that a trooper was following
McMahon. The Associated Press obtained the videos
Wednesday through a public records request. They
were first obtained by the Sunday's paper. Police
body cameras recorded troopers' interactions
with McMahon on the side of the highway. Well,
and that's the way it goes. The cop took it easy
on him. Yeah. He really did. I don't have a problem
with that. Yeah. And the gallop they hit, she
said she was okay. She was heading to the ferry
to go to Martha's Vineyard. Hey, did he sign
her shirt, maybe? Huh? Did Vince McMahon sign
her shirt, maybe? Oh, no. It was the third party.
Oh, the third party. Oh. Oh, okay, okay. The
body that was in the other lane, the debris hit
the car. Okay, is that wearing the WWE shirt?
Okay, gotcha, okay. So I don't know what the
hell he got. Well, maybe he got a signed shirt,
I don't know. He probably got his car repaired.
Probably, I'm pretty sure, so. All right, well,
that's a cool story, thank you. It is. 908. Rob,
you're the one that's got to get up. Well, I've
got to get up early, too. What am I saying? Are
you ready to shut this down, or do you want to
go a little further? Oh, we'll go a little further.
Okay, cool. Alrighty. I've got something here.
Alright. Australian TV reporter Danica Mason
offered an on -air apology on February 19th after
coverage of the Winter Olympics got a little
sloppy. CTV News reported. On February 18th,
Mason reportedly stumbled over several words
and wandered off topic. The price of coffee in
Italy was one of the subjects. and iguanas in
the United States was another subject that she
wandered off course with when she's supposed
to be talking about the Olympics. Before one
of her colleagues in the studio... You're the
girl. Yeah, yep, I'm getting there. You're the
girl. Yep. Anyway. Before one of... No, I'm just
guessing. No, you're... I think you're right.
So, before one of her colleagues in the studio
blamed the cold climate for her slurring, the
next day Mason said she totally misjudged the
situation. I shouldn't have had a drink, and
especially in these conditions. It's cold, we've
got altitude, and not having dinner probably
didn't help as well. It's not the standard that
I need to set for myself, and I deeply apologize,
and it will not happen again. And, you know,
I agree with her because me and a guy who used
to work with Brian was in Colorado. And we went
to this Dillon Dam Brewery in Dillon, Colorado.
And this is outside of Denver, about an hour.
And we had one drink each. We had to be careful.
We was in a rental. And we got done with that
one beer. We was watching the Chiefs game. And
we get out. And you could noticely tell you were
drinking with just one beer. One beer, and it
wasn't like, I don't know, a 20 % or nothing
like that. It was a regular beer. And we're both
like, what the hell happened? And then we realized
the higher the altitude, the easier it is to
get drunk. And so the lady was right about the
altitude. I don't know about everything else,
but I kind of agree with her with that. And it
doesn't sound like she got in trouble, so okay.
All right, that's all I got on that one, Rob.
All right. Let me get rid of this ad. Okay. All
right. Yeah, I hate when ads pop up. Yeah, I
do too. Yeah, okay. A staple food of bread in
Missouri appears to have it. usually long shelf
life, as a center made a shocking revolution
about a loaf that has remained intact for over
two years. The lawmaker stood in his office holding
the loaf, showing that it was still in good condition
on a TikTok video. This is a loaf of bread from
Aldi that was purchased over two and a half years
ago. It's been in this office as an experiment.
You can use it as an accordion. Smash it up.
He said as he pressed the loaf, adding that even
Eric, another man who was present in the office,
could testify to its longevity. He then recorded
a close -up of the loaf and said, No mold. It
smells fine. You can smash it down and it will
come right back up as he demonstrated. Wow. What
the hell is our food? We are going to work on
legislation to provide information on what we
are putting in our bodies, he said, emphasizing
that they were determined to investigate further.
Yeah. Oh, my God, dude. Two and a half years
of loaf of bread, dude. Right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm
just wondering. It really is. A young man disguised
as bread, someone thought. Another question,
the difference in food ingredients. Why can't
we have the same ingredients in our food that
they have in other countries? That'd be nice.
Why all that and grants? They make us sick to
keep big pharmaceutical companies making money.
This is why. Mm -hmm. Oh, it goes on. Yeah, and
all these responses go on. And it, yeah, it's
going back to the shit we don't talk about. Yeah.
It gets into big pharma, it gets into government.
And it's true. How the hell? Could you get a
loaf of bread two and a half years to look fine,
taste fine? That's way too many preservatives.
Way too many. Something is up. Well, I mean,
processed foods are horrible for you. There's
no doubt about it. And basically, the only way
you can get around processed foods is something
that does not come in a package. Everything that
comes in a package has been processed. Take that
for what you will. Okay. Wow, Rob, thank you.
Appreciate that story. You're coming with some
good ones today. I mean, they're all good. Yeah.
But the booty bandit, that was... I think Tover
and I were laughing about that. I'm waiting on
Sunday. I got one to top that. Okay. That sounds
good to me. I'm waiting on Tover for it. Okay.
Alright, well, you want to go ahead and shut
this thing down then? Yeah, sounds good. Okay,
alright. Well, on this one, I only tell everyone
to go fuck themselves whenever I'm with Topher's
on the program too, so I can't do that. I'm just
going to have to say thank you everybody for
listening. Good night, assholes. Good night,
assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's over,
kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford
a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be
back invading your ear holes soon.