You are listening to Two Douchebags in Microphone,
alternate universe edition. The alternate douchebags
pledge. Turn up the show and scream obscenities
while flapping your arms like a chicken. That's
it. We keep it simple in this universe. Three,
two, one, and go. Two douchebags and a microphone?
We don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At
least we admit it. Not like all those other guys,
we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two douchebags and a microphone? No joke. Here
at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
Douchebags and a Microphone. Hey there. Those
annoying co -workers that do nothing. There's
nothing we can do about it because HR departments
are running scared of lawyers. So we have to
work with these worthless pieces of garbage.
But we have to communicate about them without
them knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags
Microphone, we developed a way that you can speak
about them right in front of them without them
knowing about it. Stay tuned. Cordless only works
40 minutes. ET always wants to go home. Kit Kat
always taking a break. Muffler always exhausted.
Seaweed floats around all day. Sensor light only
works when someone walks by. Wheelbarrow only
works when pushed. Good evening, friends and
neighbors. I'm going to read to you a list of
hypocrites. Self -righteous assholes that want
to tell you what you're doing wrong, but will
not address this for themselves. One newer issue
among these dollards is the stolen land gimmick.
They tell us we need to give up the land back,
but when they were confronted, they offered nothing.
Therefore, hypocrites and liars. Alyssa Milano,
hypocrite and a liar. Mark Ruffalo, hypocrite
and a liar. Jane Fonda, longtime hypocrite, liar.
Elizabeth Warren. Long -timed idiot, liar, hypocrite.
Leonardo DiCaprio. Your name might be on a list
somewhere that just came out. I don't know. Possibly.
Maybe you need to shut your mouth. Yeah, you
probably do. Billie Eilish. Liar. Ben and Jerry.
Liars. We go on for another hour, but you get
the point. I once again present to you the You
First Movement. This is when you mouth off about
stolen land or anything else, you go first. You
live on stolen land, you give your land back,
but until this happens, shut the fuck up. Out.
Hey everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to
give you some tips for life. This is Uncle Rob's
rules to dick pics. Rule number one, title a
pic in someone else's name as long as you get
busted. It's not yours. Rule number two, shoot
angles complementary to your length and girth.
Rule number four, no propping of the leg. Absolutely
no undercarriage. Very important. Hey, my fellow
heavy breeders. This is Dash Riptide, your music
news. Joe Walsh is selling his guitar collection.
Would be cool if he had a couple extra G's. Probably
hundreds of extra G's. There will be auction
off this February. Google the site. It's kind
of a long web address, and I would be going on
for a long time trying to explain it to you.
Guess the Eagles didn't split any cash they grabbed
with him. Thousands of G's for their tickets,
and they have their old guitar selling as shit.
Kind of sad. Just saying. This is Gash Riptine,
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,
you probably have ear damage, just like me. Okay,
this is Two Dishbags Microphone, the Alternative
Universe Edition. It's so much fun making the
transition to the alternate universe. Yeah. You
have to change your money over, but it looks
almost the same, doesn't it? It is, yeah. And
the City Market Coffee is exactly the same as
the regular universe. One of the things I've
noticed is that some things that are right -handed
in our universe are left -handed here. Yeah,
that's weird. Like the mic. The mic here is left
-handed. It is. Not a right -handed mic. All
my pencils are left -handed now. Yeah, all mine
are left -handed, too. And also the power bank
is left -handed, too. I mean, that's really kind
of... challenge yeah yeah yeah well we'll make
it work because it's worth it you're right we
yeah i mean we just hope nobody knocks it over
the way we have to have it sit yeah yeah gravity's
weird over here too isn't it it is i know a little
a little different my left foot keeps rising
and my right foot won't yeah it's like a weird
gravity like it picks what it's gonna yeah yeah
oddly enough My left testicle keeps rising and
my right one is hanging lower. I didn't want
to say anything. There's a whole left hand right
hand thing going on here. It's like gravity favors
one either left or right and they can't really
figure it out. It might be because you're sitting
one way and I'm sitting the other. That could
be. Anyway, that's our issues for the alternate
universe. We'll make it work. But we're making
it work. Especially that left -handed mic. That
is so weird. I've got to speak at it just right.
I hope our words don't come out right to left
or left to right. You know what? Yeah, I hope
not. Then we'll have to de -scramble it afterwards.
Well, I've got some interesting things for our
podcast. I want to talk about the World Cup that's
coming. I want to talk about all the fake news
I've been getting. Let's see. I want to talk
about Billie Eilish's claim of stolen land. Oh,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, but that's funny. I've
got a promo of all the people in Maldon and what
they did about it. Excellent. The food is here.
Thank you so much. Enjoy. Thank you. I'm sure
we will. Another one is the rise and fall of
baby talk on TV shows. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Remember when there used to be baby talk? Yeah,
we talked about that one. And let's see. And
then I've got a story about Paramount and Warner
Brothers who are trying to, one is trying to
acquire the other. Oh. Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Appreciate it. So if there's any of those you'd
like to start off on. Yeah. Hang on here. We're
getting our food situation figured out here.
Do you want ketchup? No, thanks. Okay. Which
one do you want to start out on? Let's talk about
the World Cup. Okay, that'll work. Do you know
which coffee is mine? No, I don't. Let's see
if this one is. Nope. Thank you. I had a 50 -50
shot. All right. Well, World Cup is coming to
Kansas City. And that's FIFA. It's in charge
of this. FIFA if you live in Argentina. Yeah.
Yeah. I guess the I is for international, so
it would be FIFA. That's right. Yeah. Okay. Anyway,
so I kind of want to talk about is this going
to be big business for Kansas City or are we
going to be left with a big hangover? Both. Yeah,
I think so too. Now, the check's been cashed,
I'm sure. Kansas City had to pay FIFA to get
the World Cup here, so this is a bought and sold
type of proposition. There's still some people
who think, oh, thank you, that FIFA's just being
nice and they like Kansas City. No, no. It's
bought and paid for. Bought and paid for. So
the city has spent a crap ton of our taxpayer
money. To get the World Cup here, and they're
hoping to make it back through sales tax, business
licensing fees, all sorts of things like that.
Well, rarely do these things generate that much
money, like people think. Rarely. It's more for
a bragging, pound your chest up. Yeah, image
of the city kind of thing. Which is contradictory.
We lose the Chiefs. Yeah. And get the World Cup.
Yeah, the Chiefs every year, 10 games a year,
or the World Cup once in who knows how long.
Yeah. Not the same thing. So the city's already
paid out a crap ton of money to get the World
Cup here, and now they're starting to put money
into some improvements. They're cleaning up some
things. They're fixing some roads. They're going
to do a whole big sweep of homeless camps and
try to get them out of the way before all the
tourists show up. I find it ironic they're worried
about it now. Yeah, yeah, really. But notice
what they're not putting money into is things
that won't make them money back. Like police
and fire department and emergency medical services,
which are going to be really strained with all
those people here. Nothing is being done. In
fact, there's an article this morning from a
local police spokesperson saying... We're not
ready. There's just nothing being done to get
ready for this massive influx of people. We need
training. We need more officers. We need plans.
Nothing's being done. And it's because no money's
to be made there, so this city doesn't give a
shit. They're not worried about it, no. Now,
we are going to get a big spike in crime while
the World Cup is here. All those people coming
into town, you're going to get a spike in pickpockets
and car thieves. You'll get counterfeit merchandise
and tickets being sold. You'll have fake cops.
There'll just be all sorts of scams being run
here. And the interesting part for me is most
of the people who are going to be committing
those crimes are also traveling to Kansas City
to take advantage of this event. They're not
locals. Some of them will be locals, but the
majority of the crime is going to be out -of
-counters coming here because we're gathering
a lot of big fish. The city is going to take
the hit on the spike in crime. People will say,
oh, yeah, World Cup, we figured. But seriously,
can't we enforce the law when the World Cup comes
to take place? We could, but we're not interested
in it because it's not making money. Not making
money. That's so they're going to let the crime
happen and blame it on, oh, well, this just happens
when you have the World Cup. It's no big deal.
That is a big deal. And they could prevent it.
They're choosing not to. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's
bullshit is what it is because a lot of people
don't know what they're walking into. And I think
it's going to really damage the reputation of
KC in a lot of ways. Every person who comes here
and gets victimized is going to hate Kansas City.
And they'll say, I'm never going back there.
What a scumbag town. The cops weren't any help.
They just let it happen. What a horrible place.
Yeah. And I'm guessed. that the powers that be
in Kansas City are thinking, well, we're okay
with that. The money's coming in. We'll put up
with it. If they wasn't okay with it, wouldn't
they be addressing it? You would think. Yeah.
I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm thinking, yep.
I know a lot of people are excited about the
World Cup, and it's going to be something very
different. And a lot of local businesses will
make some money. But how is it going to affect
your life and my life? Do you see any positive
impact for you? No. I don't see any for me either.
I've got another thing too. How about the money
exchange and all that? That's going to be a nightmare.
This is true. Because there's going to be like,
I don't know, 20 different types of monies thrown
at everybody at once. Yep. Now, a lot of it's
going to be Euro. Yeah. And I'll bet you a lot
of businesses will not be giving change back
when they should be because the Euro's dollar
is worth more than ours. Typically what happens,
I've traveled to Canada and I've traveled to
Mexico. And both times I did not exchange my
money because Canada and Mexico will take American
dollars. But they give the change back in local
currency. Yes. And I think that's probably what's
going to happen here is some of the major currencies
will be accepted. And then change made in American
money. But the exchange rate is going to be less
than favorable unless you do it at a bank or
other financial institution. No, that's what
I'm saying is there are going to be a lot of
people from other countries getting ripped off.
Yep. And there are some countries that when you
leave, you can't exchange your money back. It's
like, no, no, no, we got your money, we're not
giving it back. Yeah, that's like, no, that's
a Costco business, you should have checked up
on it. But yeah, I can see a lot of people, you
know, extending a handful of euros or British
pounds or whatever, and the vendors are like,
okay, here's the approximate exchange rate, here's
how much change they get, off you go. Now, as
far as anything else goes, okay, one thing I
was talking about, I forgot who was. Oh, my hair
lady. Talking about the World Cup. There's going
to be a lot of people who experience severe weather
that they've never done before in their life.
This is true also. They're going to be there
going, what the hell is this? Oh my God, what
is this? 90 mile an hour wind shit? Oh my God.
All this lightning and thunder and hail. There's
going to be people probably legitimately freaking
out going, oh my God, we're going to die right
here. They've never been through one before.
Yeah. They might have heard about them or saw
it on the internet, but they've never actually
been through one. There's going to be a lot of
that going on. There's going to be a lot of people
staying in the bad part of town that have no
idea that they're staying in the bad part of
town. That's true, too. So their kids are going
to be out playing in the front, and maybe there
might be some drug dealers out there really close.
Maybe some fentanyl was thrown on the ground.
There's going to be some stuff like that going
on, which sucks. Yeah, and a lot of that's going
to be covered up and we'll never hear about it.
Yeah. And I mean, what are they going to do?
They're going back to their country. Yeah, they're
not going to fly back here to pursue a case.
No, no. So I'm going to say that to me, I think
you're going to get the best of both worlds.
You're going to get a lot of people that nothing
happened to are really happy going, oh my God,
there's this one restaurant we went to. You know,
and they had this, and you could sit here, and
they had this really cool patio. The bridge,
the Rock Island Bridge, you're going to have
a lot of people just flipping out over that.
Yep. That is the first ever Entertainment District
Trust Bridge in the world. It's amazing. Yeah.
And it's right here. Yep. So you're going to
have people flipping out over that in a good
way. Yeah. Right here where we're at right now,
the City Market. Yep. Really neat. piece of history,
unique, locally owned businesses. This is the
epitome of what America is. This area here where
people have a dream. They started up in an area
like this and they nurture their business. Places
like this are going to look fantastic. But then
we're going to have the other side, too. And
that's where people are going to be getting mugged,
looted, ripped off, all this stuff. I did notice
that some of the laws are being changed regarding
Airbnb and VRBO to make it more easy, more accessible,
and give an opportunity for more people to rent
out parts of their house. Those laws aren't going
to go back to the way they were after the World
Cup. No. They're going to stay the way they are.
So you're going to see more rental places where
the neighbors don't want rental. You're also
going to see rental places opening up in neighborhoods
that really aren't very safe. Because, hey, take
advantage. And the city is going to be encouraging
everyone to rent out wherever, whatever, because
the city wants the tax revenue. That's how they're
planning to make their money back. Yep. So the
city is putting safety in the backseat. And money
-making opportunities in the front seat because
the city's desperate to get their investment
back. I think the primary thing that's going
to happen with all this is certain rich people
are going to get very rich and everybody else
is going to spend money. And that's all that
will really happen. Yep, and that's it. Okay,
cool. You got anything else on that? Um... We
were going to mention briefly about the reputation
of Kansas City. Yeah. It'll help, I think, in
the short term. But after like six months, Kansas
City will go back to being the town that lost
the Chiefs. Yes. So I think whatever long -term
benefits you think you're getting from the World
Cup are not going to be benefits for you and
me. It's benefits for the people who are wealthy
enough to invest in business opportunities. So
it's all about people who are vastly more wealthy
than us. Yeah. And we're supposed to get excited
and go spend our money there. Yeah. But we're
never going to see any of the benefits. No, not
at all. Nope. They just want us to go spend their
money. Yeah. I'll pass. You know, we're going
to, let's see, we're going to get our accolades,
but then after that, okay. I thought that the
Kansas City Chiefs, I thought I read, were going
to have quite a few primetime games. Every one
of them are going to mention how they're moving
to Kansas. Oh, yeah. So the fact that you just
said that, and then we have actual football coming
up in August, a couple months after that, right?
And then we have real football going on after
the preseason in September, where they're going
to be mentioning that is, you're right, after
a couple months. All that shine's gone. Because
every time we do a national broadcast, whether
it be during the day or standalone, that's one
of the first things they're going to mention.
They're going to show the racetrack. They're
going to show the legends. They'll go, yeah,
the new stadium's going to be sitting right here
in Kansas. Are any of the World Cup games going
to be held at Arrowhead? All of them. Yep. So
they're going to be mentioning every time, yeah,
this stadium is going away. This is where the
Chiefs have been playing, but not anymore. It's
going to be constantly mentioned. You know what?
You're right. I didn't think about that. That's
going to be World Cup stuff saying that. Going,
yeah, too bad this place is going to be down.
It's going to be gone. And I think a lot of money
from the NFL and from the Chiefs and the state
of Kansas are going to pay for that. Yes. They're
going to be paying them to say over and over
how the Chiefs are moving to Kansas. and the
beautiful zoo stadium all that it's it's it's
going to be mentioned a lot but it's also going
to be bought and paid for yeah it is um yeah
so uh yeah it's going to look good and then it's
going to go back to being like we lost the chiefs
and all that so well it is what it is it's not
changing now so yeah yep Now I just wonder about
the Royals. Yeah, boy, I've been hearing stuff
about another possible lockout for this season
and the cancellation of the whole season. I don't
think baseball could ever recover if that happens
again. They barely recovered back in, what, 94
when it happened? 97, whatever it was? I'll go
see a game. 94. We'll go see a game for the right
price, right? Mm -hmm. 35 bucks for two decent
seats. Yep. If that happens, the only reason
I do that is because I have not forgotten about
the seasons that we're going. And people go,
oh, get over it. No. It's your choice to react
however you want to react. Yeah. If they pull
that bullshit one more time, I'm never, ever,
ever, ever going back. Yeah. No patience for
millionaires and billionaires squabbling over
money. And then telling us it's none of our business.
Yeah. No. And acting. Eventually we'll get some
idiot athlete who will compare his current salary
to slavery. Remember when that happened? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. That didn't go over very well. No,
it didn't. Everybody, everybody, even people
that were apologists for him, were saying, shut
up. Yes. But what you had is you had a lot of
people offering to take their place. It's like,
all right, if that's slavery, then I'm in. Yeah.
I'll do it. Is your life in danger every single
day? No, I don't think so. And then every one
of your descendants that were slaves, you just
took a piss on them. I know. Yeah, I thought
that was something else. All right, did we cover
that? Okay. We're good. Have you ever heard about
the Pentagon Pizza Index? I have not. Interesting
thing. It's been going on for a long time, and
I just now found out about it. I checked it in
different sources. It is an actual website. So
here's what it is. The Pentagon Pizza Index.
The theory suggests that it is a possible early
indicator of major military activity of global
crisis. Interesting. Yeah, and here is how they
gather this. think that it is an odd indicator
of such thing. The theory suggests that there's
a sudden spike in pizza orders to or around the
Pentagon and nearby defense buildings. It may
mean staff are working late, which could signal
an impending military action, international crisis,
or major national security event. The idea dates
back to the Cold War. And it was reinforced in
1990 before Iraq invaded Kuwait, triggering the
Gulf War. Washington -era pizza shops reportedly
noticed an unusually high late -night orders
to the Pentagon. Wow. Isn't that ingenious? And
people are hardwired to look for patterns. Yes.
And that's what this website did. The website,
I'll go into that here in a minute, but it was
really interesting because it's an actual website.
Yeah. And it actually tracks pizzas. and what
time and what building they're going to. How
they do it, I'm not for sure, but it's not illegal
because it's been going on since the Cold War.
If any of them are being delivered, then they
have every right to keep track of where they
delivered it and when it was ordered and who
ordered it. It's marketing data. Are you kidding?
Yeah, that's it right there. It might have started
off with marketing data and then they noticed
some other similarities. Washington area pizza
shops reportedly noticed the higher late -night
orders in the Pentagon. Some journalists later
pointed out that this is a quirky predictor of
military escalation. I think it's a valid one.
I think it is, too, because they're late, they're
working all night. They're like, what's open?
Oh, there's a pizza parlor down the road. Let's
order like 30 pizzas so we can keep doing this.
We've got to stay here. During the 2022 lead
-up to the Russia's invasion of Ukraine, social
media users again claimed pizza delivery activity
near the Pentagon spiked before the invasion.
Fueling renewed interest in this theory. The
website shows the pizza parlors near the Pentagon
with graphs of Domino's Pizza, a place called
Extreme Pizza, Papa John's, and a few others
that deliver to the Pentagon. These are just
ones that deliver to the Pentagon. This shows
how many pizzas were sent out to the addresses
of the Pentagon and close by defense buildings
and what time and how many. Wow. And you can
look this up. I think it's called PentagonPizzaIndex
.com. And if not, you can Google it and get the
website. Yeah, I'm sure you'll get that. Take
a look at it. You'll see. It's got a neat little
graph there, and it shows, okay, 10 pizzas were
ordered by Pentagon Defense Building No. 7. Here's
the address. It was ordered at 1 in the morning.
They're usually out of there at 10. I mean, I
think it's valid. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you go
to any country that doesn't like the U .S., and
their AI has already... figured this out too
yeah so it's not like we're releasing in you
know sensitive information no anybody who cares
to know has already figured this out they have
you're right so we're just we're learning about
it late yeah i can't believe it's been around
since the cold war and i just now found out about
it yeah but the only reason i found out about
it is because uh of everything going on lately
that it's been a renewed interest in it yeah
so on on the same subject of unintentionally
leaking information. Back in 1939 and 1940 and
parts of 41, before the U .S. got involved in
the Second World War, there were frequent conversations
between Roosevelt and Winston Churchill. And
they discussed war plans and trades and strategies
and all, even though the U .S. wasn't... And
in the war, they still had a lot of conversations.
They talked dirty to each other. A little bit,
yeah. But they discussed a whole lot of sensitive
issues. And it was all sent... Allegedly. Yes.
And it was a telephone that they had run between
Churchill's place in London and FDR in Washington.
And the whole thing was encoded except for one
section of the chain where it had to be broadcast
by radio to the next spot before going to wire
again. Oh, because they didn't have the... They
didn't have all the cables. Yeah. So that one
section where they broadcast in the clear, everybody
listened in, and everybody decoded it, and everybody
knew exactly what they were talking about for
years. Wow. They thought they were being so secret
and discussing these things in private. Germany,
Italy, and Japan were reading transcripts of
their conversation within hours. Wow. He even
picked Churchill's brain about what dress he
was going to wear that night. Yeah. I don't know
if any of that's true. I think everybody's heard
that he was a cross -dresser and all this stuff,
but I don't know. He was definitely a drunk.
He was a drunk, definitely. He kind of acted
like Ozzy in a way. He did, kind of, yeah. There's
a weird thing sitting on the shelf behind you
there. It's a padlock. It's a padlock? Oh, okay.
Oh, it's for locking these doors. They shouldn't
have left it there. No. What can we lock up?
To be a dick. Let's lock ourselves to this table.
Okay. You'll never get us to leave. Put a little
note on it. Yeah. Do not touch me ever again.
Something like that. Draw a little penis on it.
What? Hey, who drew a penis on my padlock? Oh,
no. Probably those two douchebags. Oh, yeah,
yeah. That was them. That was them. Yep, that
was them. So that's pretty much it for the Pentagon
index report. I had to mention this the other
night on the Sunday night podcast, but I'm getting
so much more fake news than I used to. And it's
like they're not even really trying very hard.
One of the things I noticed recently was when
the U .S. women's hockey team won the gold and
beat Canada, I got... The same number of stories
saying they had won as stories saying that they
had collapsed and blown it at the end and it
was a disgrace for America. Wow. Exactly the
same number of articles. Isn't that weird? Whoa.
Damn it. Sorry about that. It's all right. It'll
dry. Yeah. There's no biggie over here. You lost
your coffee. Coffee abuse. I guess I'll have
to get another one here in a little bit. Oh,
well. It happens. I usually put this back on,
but I didn't. Yeah, I had a little accident here.
It'll dry and everything, but I'm going to need
to order another coffee. Which one? That was
yours? The Cubano. The Cubano. Yeah. And I'll
gladly pay for it. That was Mark, everybody.
Not City Market Coffee. No, it was me. It was
me. Thank you. And, you know, it's funny. The
way it looks, it looks like you hurled. Oh, it
does? I did that over there. I remember that
now. Oh my God, you had to drive home. I was
so freaking sick. And I still don't know if it
was like food poisoning or just the flu. Somebody
was aiming a directed energy weapon at you. That's
what it was. Made you sick to your stomach. Yeah,
they didn't want us doing deuce bag stuff. Look
how we're persecuted. I know, I know. Constantly.
Hurts my feelings. I cry at night. You got something?
I read where Australia is backing a plan to remove
Andrew from the line of succession. Good. So
it looks like he's being worked out of everywhere.
And we both saw that the former ambassador to
the U .S. from the U .K., a guy named Mandelson,
he's also been arrested. This goes to my point
of UK is weak sauce as we know them. They have
two high -end arrests. We have none. We have
none. That makes us look like we're a bunch of
people that hide stuff. Yeah. Well, I think it's
important to remember that in the United States,
there is no such thing as politics. It's business.
that's pretending to be politics. I'm glad you
went into this. We were talking about that earlier.
Yeah. So these are all business transactions
with money and power and favors. And politics
is the cover story they're using. So you can
look at all the unrest and the protests going
on over this or that or whatever, and that's
not political. That's a business move. That's
a business strategy on somebody's part. Nothing
happens in this country unless money and or power
is changing hands. I agree. So nobody does anything
for political ideals except, you know, people
on our level who still believe the bullshit and
think that we're being told the truth. No, I
know. But it's all business decisions. It's all
business. Yeah, I mean, isn't that something
about how England can do those arrests, but we
cannot? Yep. Because there's more money to be
made by not arresting them here. Yes. That's
the decision maker on everything. If we do this,
how much money can we make? If we don't do it,
how much money can we make? And that's how they
make their choices. It is, yep. It's just business,
like you're saying, which sucks. And if you believe
Trump or Clinton or Pelosi or anybody. Did you
just pick up on this one? Yes, I did. All right.
Hang on, I'll give you some money here. Hey,
thank you. You're welcome. But yeah, I mean,
Trump, Pelosi, Schumer, RFK Jr., they don't believe
what they're saying. They're saying what they
need to to make the business prosper and get
more money, get more power. They're all working
in the same... It's just they're pretending to
be on opposite sides. The fight back and forth
between Republican and Democrat is part of the
show, part of the distraction. They're all there
to make money off of us. That's it. And they
make money because they do this back and forth
stuff all the time. And that's how come you're
not going to see anyone going to jail. It's because
they actually need each other, good cop, bad
cop. They all make money out of their own little
things that they're doing. And this is all of
them. This isn't one of them. This isn't one
side. This is all of them that are doing this.
They're all in on the take. Can you think of
any reason to get into politics other than to
rip off the American public? Unfortunately, no.
No. No. And if you even try to do anything other
than rip off the American public, you'll get
overwhelmed by everybody else who is only there
to rip everyone off. It's impossible. They will
ruin you. The American political system is a
parasitic state. That's what it is. It's a parasite
on all of us. Well, and this is where AI is going
to come in too, I believe. You ever need a fake
story generated everywhere? Yeah. There you go.
Give it to old AI and they'll do everything possible
to ruin the person because you told them to.
Yeah. We're going to get... very credible fake
child porn planted on somebody's computer when
they're inconvenient, they're in the way. Let's
destroy them by planting child porn on their
computer. And we'll also get people that have
done it and then we'll say, someone frame me,
I would never do this. And then because they're
convincing enough on camera, at least half the
people are going to go, they didn't do it, I
can tell, look at them. And then you get somebody
who's paid to pretend to be a witness saying,
I saw it, I saw them do it. Yes. Because they're
paying me to say I saw it. Yep. Yeah, unfortunately,
that is going to be the norm in business. It's
already starting to be somewhat, and it's going
to be. They flood the market with fake stories,
so when you hear a real story that's a little
outlandish, you go, oh, it's probably another
fake story. That's what they want. That is what
they want. And that's what they're doing. It's
the idea of, you've heard of the expression of
you hiding a needle in a haystack and it's really
hard to find. Yep. That's not the way you do
it. You hide a needle in a stack of other needles.
Yes. So you have a stack of a million needles.
Now you need to find the one. And that's what
they do. That is so hard. In a haystack, you
roll around, it'll stick you. Hey, I found the
needle. Hide the needle among other needles.
Yeah. And that's what they do. that everything
is just like out there so prolific that it doesn't
stand out. And if there isn't, then they're going
to make it up. I mean, look at the fatigue we
get. Most of the country has chiefs fatigue.
They're sick and tired of hearing about the chiefs.
We're all getting fatigue about... whatever they
don't want us to think about anymore. They just
hammer us with meaningless stories, no results,
just more and more accusations, more excitement.
Eventually we're so burned out because nothing's
ever happened yet these days. Speaking of Chiefs,
did you see the latest on the Tyreek Hill saga?
I did not. Okay. Well, the Chiefs said this.
They said, well, he has one more operation to
go and he's 32. We're monitoring the situation.
No, they did not. Okay. What do you make from
that? I think it's a blow -off. Yeah. Yeah, they're
saying something to keep everyone from screaming
and yelling and getting excited. But it's a very
noncommittal thing. Well, we lost him. Because
you know what? You and I are monitoring the situation
too. Yeah, we are. We're watching the news. We're
monitoring the situation. See how meaningless
that phrase is? Yeah. We're not going to do anything
about it. No. We're monitoring it. No, that's
what I thought too. I was like, geez, they said
nothing. It's a meaningless phrase that they
hope people will read something else into. Oh,
look, they're monitoring. They're interested.
No, they never said they were interested. If
they were interested, they'd tell you they're
interested. You're right. Yes. And I think probably
his agents are already going, okay, cross them
off. Yep. Anyhow, you got something else on that?
As long as we're talking football, I see that
the Chiefs released Mike Dana, number 51. I knew
that was coming. He's kind of a situational player.
He's gotten two rings with the Chiefs. He's probably
pretty happy about that. Mostly up until now,
they've been dribbling out, you know, nobody
you've ever heard of getting cut from the Chiefs
and saying, Chiefs releasing another veteran,
you know, whatever. And it's nobody you've ever
heard of. But what I'm more interested in is
watching the Chicago Bears organization, and
they're apparently on their way to becoming the
Indiana Bears. Oh, yeah. Which would be hilarious
as hell. Oh, I find that lovely on so many levels.
I want to see old J .B. Prisker take one to the
fat face. And I want to see, oh shit, what's
his name, the mayor of Chicago. That guy looks
so clueless. Oh, he is clueless. He is so clueless.
And he's getting ready to get even more clueless
without a football team in the third largest
market in America. That's just nuts. And the
problem is... As far as the NFL is concerned,
their team still is in the third largest market.
Yeah, they don't care because Gary, Indiana,
or wherever it's going to go, I think Gary is
what they're saying. Gary, Indiana beat El Chicago.
Yep. Yeah, Chicago will lose. That's pretty bad.
Chicago will lose all that revenue, but the NFL
is losing a dime. No, the NFL is probably excited
because it's a brand new stadium in a suburb.
It's like what happened here with the Chiefs.
You know, Jackson County and Missouri are losing
big. The NFL is gaining money. The NFL is making
out like a bandit. With all the PSLs coming up
and all the... And tell me, you know, they already
have a lot of primetime games. That's going to
double because of the brand -new, beautiful stadium
here at the World Champion Chiefs several times
over. One of the most storied organizations in
the NFL. Yeah. And here's something people don't
think about, but it's going to hurt. All those
Super Bowl trophies are going to be moved over
to Kansas. Oh! They're going to physically be
in their offices in Kansas. And none of them
say... Kansas City, Missouri, from my knowledge.
They just say Kansas City. And it says the Chiefs.
And that's another thing, too, that I really
love about this acquisition here is this right
here. I've been going over there. It's in Kansas
City, Kansas. So it's not going to be the Overland
Park Chiefs. It's going to be the Kansas City
Chiefs. Yep. They don't have to change a thing.
Nope. And, you know, if the Giants and the Jets
can claim their New York when they play in New
Jersey, then, yeah, it doesn't matter. No, it
doesn't matter. You can call yourself anything
you want. Yeah, they've been in New Jersey for
a long, long time. And they've been called New
York everything. And everybody knows it, too.
It's East Rutherford, New Jersey, the Meadowlands.
I think they built those stadiums, what, in the
late 70s, around 1980, something like that? Yeah,
something like that. Right after Jimmy Hoffa
disappeared because the ruler was... Yeah, he's
in the stadium, yeah. Yeah. Really, what's more...
credible is the guy who took credit for killing
Jimmy Hoffa said that they shot him twice in
the head in that house in the suburbs dragged
him out to the kitchen into a waiting car took
him directly to a crematorium and burned him
up into ash oh yeah so within hours of being
shot Jimmy Hoffa was a bunch of ashes blowing
in the wind you will never find anything And
they had the whole thing planned out, so they
knew exactly what they were doing. And that's
why no one ever really got any confirmation after
that is because, you know, the guy was being
a wrinkle in the cloth for a long time. And what
they usually don't tell you is he was out as
union president. He was trying to get back in,
and he was telling everyone around him, I'm going
to rat everyone out and talk to the cops and
the FBI unless you get me back in as head of
this union. And they said, oh, are you? You're
going to do it in the afterlife? Yeah. The character
Joe Pesci played in The Irishman, he was supposed
to be Buffalino, the guy who was in charge of
northeastern Pennsylvania, and he's the one that
authorized the hit on Hoffa. We had to have a
little pause there. Gravity shifted and everything
went flying off onto the floor. I know. This
gravity thing is hard to figure out in an alternative
universe. It is. We'll have to get one of those
prediction maps that they sell. I think so. Yeah,
yeah. I like that one. Yeah, I just don't get
all the stuff in the back there. You know, all
the secret codes. Yeah, there's like hieroglyphs
and cave painting symbols and all sorts of weird
stuff on that. Yeah, and then the part where
they want your blood. Yeah. I don't know. I don't
really, yeah. Are you going to give your blood
or not? No, I think what I'm going to bring over
is some, like, you know, rat blood or mouse blood
and just substitute that. I'm going to bring
Kool -Aid. I'm just going to bring Kool -Aid.
Yeah, they won't know. It looks the same. They
won't know. Give them some water and say, I'm
a little anemic today. Yeah, that's it. I should
probably do something about that, shouldn't I?
Yeah. Okay. You got anything? Yeah. Let's talk
about baby talk. I remember from watching TV
in the 60s and 70s and then watching reruns of
shows from then that for a long time it was really
popular when a man and a woman were having relations
or trying to get romantic that the woman would
resort to baby talk. and talk like a little kid.
And the man would get all excited and revved
up and he'd be very sexually turned on, etc.
And it was no big deal. But look at it from today's
perspective. A grown woman pretending to be a
little girl and the man getting excited that
he could pretend it's a little girl he's having
sex with. They shut that down real quick, didn't
they? But who does that sound like, promoting
that and writing that into scripts of TV shows?
All the pedophiles in Hollywood trying to normalize
it. Trying to say, look, it's perfectly fine
to pretend you're having sex with a five -year
-old. People do it all the time. It doesn't hurt.
It's just pretending. Well, now with all the
recent turn of events, all of a sudden, hey.
Don't put that in there. Yeah. Because suddenly
it's bringing a focus on it. When before it was
just kind of like, ha ha, they got a little thing
going on. Yeah. No, not now. It's like all the
drag queens have dropped their insistence that
they get to do drag shows for little kids. Oh,
yeah. Yeah. Now, there is a state representative
in Minnesota. Of course it's in Minnesota. Of
course, yeah. And it's a man who identifies as
a trans woman. Uh -huh. And this representative
is fighting against the age restrictions on porn
sites. And the reasoning is that gay children
need access to porn because it's educational
for them. So they should remove all those age
restrictions and let children of any age onto
porn sites so they can learn about their sexuality.
What a fucking idiot. How blatant and open can
they be saying we're grooming little kids for
sex with adults? The whole idea is normalizing
it. They want to make it to where it's just like,
oh, another day. And that's the problem. Whenever
you go around and you actively do things like
this, you're trying to make it seem like whenever
something like that happens, like, oh, what's
wrong with that? Yeah, which I have a huge problem
with. But it just seems strange that it's being
so obvious and so blatant. Yeah. And who in their
right mind could condone letting little kids
have access to absolutely any porn they wanted
on the internet? Yeah. Videos, pictures, stories,
whatever. Yeah. How can anyone support that and
not have a mental illness? No, it's just... I
think you're absolutely correct on that. Mental
illness all the way. And, you know, see, Minnesota,
isn't that where Bruce Springsteen is going to
say, we're all wonderful and we should get together?
Of course he is. You know who's joining him?
Who? Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine.
I lost a lot of respect for him. Yep. He says
he's going to do every day to that tour and play
a few songs every night, and he's all for it,
and he's all on board. Bye, Tom. Yep. See you,
Tom. I'll never buy anything that you produced
or had anything to do with ever again. Yeah.
Yeah. Forcing his opinion on everybody. Yeah.
Yeah, screw you. Yep. In fact, I've got that
written down in here. Tom Morello is joining
Bruce's Land of Hope and Dreams tour for every
date and will play a few songs each night, has
postponed his own recently announced solo tour
that was supposed to start in May. That's how
committed he is. He's canceling, postponing his
own solo tour to do this with Bruce. Wow. Morello
toured with Bruce as a guest member from 2012
to 2015, appeared on both of the albums Wrecking
Ball and High Hopes, and the two recently teamed
up for the Defend Minnesota concert of Solidarity
and Resistance, which was an anti -ice concert
in Minneapolis. Wow. Pandering. Yep. Tom, I don't
like you. I'm not going to listen to anything
you do anymore. No. Matter of fact, not only
do I not like you, I think you're a fucking asshole.
The way I look at that is Tom Borrello and Bruce
Springsteen are not only embracing the hatred
and violence, they are now promoting the hatred
and violence. They're telling everyone who is
participating in the hatred and violence that
they're okay and they should continue. Yes. They're
awful people. Yeah, they are. They're just awful
people. Somewhere, somehow, when they get that
much fame, they take a hard swerve and think
that they're so important that they get to mouth
off about everything, and they think that people
will defy all reason to agree with them. Yeah.
Well, U2 has written a new album all about the...
anti -ice sentiment and the customs enforcement,
etc. And one of the first songs is a tribute
to Rachel Good, the woman who tried to run over
the ice officer with a car. Is that that dead
chick? Yeah. Bono is putting her up on a pedestal
and writing basically a love and honor song about
her. Bono is a known idiot and he should not
make a dime in America, but that's how stupid
Americans are. Yeah, I think it's important for
everyone to realize that Bono doesn't give a
shit about any of these causes. He wants your
money. Yeah. Because if he gave a shit, he wouldn't
be charging for any of this stuff. No, he'd pay
him something to attach his ass to so he could
make more money. If Bono has plenty of money
to last him for the rest of his life, he never
needs to make another dime. The fact that he's
continuing to charge everybody for everything
means he doesn't believe it. He's using it to
make money. And he constantly needs that ego
stroke. Yes, he does. Because he's a giant turd.
Yeah, he's an idiot. Sal Park had it right. He
was the largest turd ever crapped out by a human.
And then he grabbed a microphone and started
singing. Yeah, I agree. Oh, gosh. Why do people
do this? I don't know. I've got a, if you don't
have something, I've got a list of, do you have
something or not? I've got a few more things,
but you go ahead. It's good to go back and forth.
I asked AI about horrible products and what they
think would be horrible products that they could
produce. It gave me a list of, some of them are
good, some of them are like, but I think, neither
less, I think it's entertaining either way. So,
the first one that the AI gave me for horrible
products is Moist Bite. Protein bars. That is
pretty, yeah. Moist bite. Would you buy anything
that's called moist bite? No, no, no. I wouldn't
even ask for that as a sex act. No, no. Hey,
can you do that moist bite thing? No! If anybody
ever offers you a telephone, say no. And run
the other way very fast. Very fast. You don't
want telephone. No, no. Get out of there. This
next one would be Grandma's Revenge Hot Sauce.
Well, I like the name. I do, too. Well, speaking
of, I got Slayer Hot Sauce. Oh, that stuff. Guaranteed
to trash your liver? Oh, no, I'm sorry. That
was cruel. Oh, that was bad. Yeah, well, I mean,
I don't think it includes a spider bite. Is that
what you're referring to? Yeah, that's what I
thought, yeah. Sorry. Google it. I'm sorry, Lord.
I apologize. And God bless all the piggies in
there. Frank Hen is probably not very happy with
you right now. Yes. Yeah, the most metal band
ever. Their guitarist was killed by a brown recluse.
That's metal. That's pretty fucking metal. Yeah,
it is. No one can beat that. Until that happens,
I don't want to hear anything. Yeah. I mean,
maybe getting eaten by a shark, but that's kind
of quick. The spider bite was slow. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, because he got better, and then he got
sepsis, and then sepsis just fucking... Took
him out. Yeah, I've had sepsis. That sucks. Yeah,
it's not good. That almost killed me. Yeah, I
remember. I remember the next morning when I
woke up in ICU, they said, we really didn't think
you were going to make it through the night.
We're glad you're still here. Because they worked
on me all the afternoon before and doing all
this stuff. I remember them working on me and
then getting into the ICU and then things were
hazy for a while. And then I remember the next
morning, the nurse coming in and said, we're
surprised you're alive. Wow. That was a pretty
close call. That would have been very freaky,
yeah. Yeah, but I got sepsis because during the
removal of the kidney stone, part of my urethra
was scratched, and I had a bladder infection,
didn't know it. I had E. coli. Oh. And that infected
urine got into my bloodstream, and now my entire
body had E. coli. You are lucky. Yeah, sepsis
is universally fatal if not treated. Yes. Universally
100 % fatal if not treated. It will kill you.
It's a blood infection, and it'll kill you. Because
that infection will be all over your body. Yeah.
And once they figured out what exact infection
I had and they targeted the medication, I got
better a lot faster. Yeah. But that was a rough
week and a half, let me tell you. Oh, I bet.
Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. All right, okay.
No, we're all glad you're better. I'm glad, too.
Thank you. Yeah, if not, it'd have been one douchebag.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was one of those times
I disappeared from the podcast. I was in intensive
care for a while. Didn't help. No, I forget what
story we made up about it, but I was in the hospital
trying not to die. I'd have to go back and listen
to old episodes. I'm sure we came up with something
very fucked up. Yeah, yeah. The next one would
be Toe Jam's foot deodorant spray. Wow. Just
on a side note, imagine what a different career
the band would have had if they called themselves
Toe Jam instead of Pearl Jam. Oh, gosh, yeah.
Totally different career. I would have bought
every record instead of not buying every record.
They're like, hey, what are you listening to?
Toe Jam? What? You're awesome, dude. Wow. I bought
one of their albums, and then somebody gave me
two others, and they were both pretty awful.
What, Pearl Jam? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I bought one also, Vitology. It's like Vitology
and Versus were both pretty poor. It's like a
whole bunch of unfinished songs. Yeah. That's
what it sounded like. The song Blood. So yeah,
it should not be on that album though. It is
so it's just like why did they just throw this
in with? elderly woman behind the counter at
a convenience store You know what? I mean, it's
just so weird. Yeah, it's like you take out one
song And then you take blood and it's like what
are they trying to get to on this old vitology
album? I don't know. Probably lots of drugs involved.
Yeah, probably so. Let's see what we can get
away with. They're probably on that Pearl Jam
a little too much. Yeah, hallucinogenic jelly.
Or maybe they're like, this guy needs some songwriting
credits because he's broke, so let's put a piece
of shit on the album and give him some writing
credits. Since we're the rage right now, they'll
buy it anyhow. Yep. That's right. All right.
The next one that AI created for horrible products
is Sludge Light Diet Soda. I don't think I'd
be buying any of that. Anything sludge -like,
I don't want to drink. Just no. Just no. Nope.
Nope, I'm all out on that one. What do you want,
sludge? You need some sludge on the rocks? Oh,
that sounds great. I'll take a double. I want
a sludge spritzer. How about a slug smoothie?
And a twist of lime. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, a slug
smoothie with extra kale. Yeah, with extra kale.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, you have to come up maybe
on Sunday night and you're going to have to tell
the story about how you escaped the kale, being
a prisoner of the kale. Yes, that's true. I remember
being a prisoner of the kale. I smuggled out
that one tape. Yeah, and then we heard a bunch
of noise and you disappeared for a while again.
Yeah, yeah. There's still parts of that I don't
remember. I think they were using some... the
electroconvulsive therapy to disrupt my memory.
Yeah. Yeah, they did. They did. I saw some video
on that. It was horrible. Yeah. Maybe I don't
want to remember. I think so, especially when
they make you touch kale. Yes. Oh, I mean, I
saw the grimace and the pain on your face. Yeah.
Oh man, I'm sorry. Are you okay? I still have
PTSD about it. I would too. They actually put
your skin on that nasty shit. I'm so sorry. And
when the cameras were off, they actually rubbed
it on my anus. It actually improved the flavor
of the kale. Well, I'm glad they took care of
their crops and there wasn't any poison ivy in
it. They took care of the kale, huh? Did it turn
into cauliflower after that? Yeah, pretty much.
All right, the next one would be Grandpa's Unfiltered
Energy Drink. Oh, unfiltered makes it sound dangerous.
Yeah, it does. Like maybe a little bit of remnants
of rye and whiskey in there. Yeah, maybe a little
chewing tobacco juice. Oh, probably, probably,
yeah. And it depends on if you put it in a different
container. There might even be a little urine
in there, you know. Well, this is true. This
is true. Anything to give you that get up and
go. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, sometimes Grandpa
doesn't want to get out of his chair because
his back hurts. Yeah. Yeah, so he'll find, like,
a bottle that's suited for him. So if he's stuck
in one of them, he might even have traces of
urine. Don't drink from that one, kid. That's
not a piss jar. Leave my piss jar alone, boy.
Where you going at? I won't need that, man. I
just drank a two -liter fucking Diet Dr. Pepper.
Yeah. Oh, Diet Dr. Pepper sets the soul straight.
Yeah. Good shit. Almost as good as Bubba Cola.
Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Who produced that? I
think that was a Walmart thing. Was it? I remember
you get it down around Lake Truman, Truman Reservoir.
Yeah, you could clean rust off of anything with
that Bubba Cola. That's pretty rough stuff. Yeah,
I don't know where they got it from, but it's
fucking horrible. Yeah, that stuff is horrible.
The next one. Oops, all aftertaste cereal. What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be interesting,
though. You eat it, it doesn't have any flavor,
you swallow it, and then like a moment later
it's like, I taste it now. Oh, wow. It's motor
oil and tanned leather. With a tinge of sage
and black pepper. Oh, yes. Yeah, you've got to
have it. What's this? What's that? K -Y chili?
Oh, yeah. Sure. It tastes like K -Y. What's that
other? Oh. Oh. Oh. All right. The next one would
be of the AI Horrible products would be Nana's
Questionable Mayo. You know, I think that's something
I would stay away from completely. Yeah. Kind
of like gas station sushi. Oh, God. Yes. That's
just... Just the description is like, yeah, okay,
ow. And you see the guy slopping it out, scratching
his inner nose without gloves. Digging for gold.
Yeah, like, ooh. That's okay, that's just sushi
rice. Yeah. They didn't tapeworm this sushi rice.
Yeah. I'm grossing myself out. That was pretty
good. That was good. That grossed me out too.
That was excellent. Wow. The next one would be
regret -o's frozen burritos. You know Rob speaks
of Hickamoe Country Store? Yeah. Okay. They have
burritos there because I was in Wheatland, Missouri
a long time ago for a car race. We met some friends
over there. Okay. And they have a racetrack,
a Lucas Oil racetrack there. And they sold burritos.
It tasted very good, but they would destroy the
inside of your car if left unattended. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm glad it was a warm, late May day that
I had the window stamped. Yeah. Yeah, I traded
the car in not long after that. I would think.
There are burritos there, although they tasted
great. And Rob did inform me you can have queso
put on them. I didn't know that. Wow. Those are
regrettos they use, I'm pretty sure. Next one
is Dr. Damp's Mattress Freshener. Oh. I think
AI got that one perfectly there. That's so bad.
Yeah, damp and bedding is nothing. You don't
want those words going together. No. No. I've
spent some nights camping, and you wake up in
the morning, and the dew is warm, and everything
is damp. Your clothes, your sleeping bag, the
inside, everything is just wet. And that's just
clean water. Yeah, yeah. Anything else? I don't
know. Any other type of fluid, bodily or not?
No, thanks. No, thanks. The next one would be
Bland Aid Seasoning Mix. Oh, that's good. Blandade.
Yeah, Blandade. Yeah, that makes you start thinking
of Band -Aid. Only Blandade. And the word Bland,
yeah, oh, that would be good. I would have to
say AI has done, they did a pretty good job.
Yeah, they did. Not bad. I think I'm going to
do the AI stuff a regular feature where I figure
out something to ask it and they give it the
answers. Yeah. I think it's incumbent on all
of us to try to do everything possible to corrupt
AI wherever possible. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
I'm trying to give it these horrible ideas already.
Yeah. That way I can just walk in the room and
go, hey, boss, yeah, here's a list of foot odor.
Hey, thanks, AI. I appreciate it. Here's the
top ten worst smells known to man. Here's the
worst places on the body you can have a boil.
That's the next one I'm going to ask. Yeah, I'm
going to do the one about worst smells. Yeah,
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to write that
down. Will you write mine down too? Worst smells.
And worst place on the body to have a boil. And
I might ask you later what you wrote down so
I can put it in my phone. Yeah. I have to do
that all the time. If I don't write it down pretty
quick, I forget it. No, I do it all the time.
It drives me nuts. The next one would be gut
rumble kombucha. Absolutely. Gut rumble is a
good word. Yes, it is. Have you ever tried kombucha?
Yes. Oh, it's fermented like... produce of some
sort. And it can be made into tea. It can be
made into all different types of things and people
use it for everything. Yeah, it is definitely
spicy and it's unstable. I call it like food
nitroglycerin. I mean, fermented foods are supposed
to be really good for you, but there's ways to
get them that don't taste ugly and nasty. Kombucha
is not one of them in my opinion. I know a lot
of people like them, but they're also stupid.
In my opinion. All right, how about Chew Nasty
Bubblegum? Now, that is comparable to Babble
Snatch. Wow. You know, you could switch that
around and call it Nasty Chew, so it would sound
almost anti -Semitic. Oh! What are you doing?
Oh, it's some of that nasty chew. Hey, we don't
talk like that around here. No, Chew with a C
-H. Oh, okay. That's like the sofa kingdom. Yeah.
Or see you next Tuesday. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, my wife didn't know what that meant.
You know, I'd heard it during... The see you
next Tuesday? Uh -huh. Oh, my gosh, that is so
common. Yeah, it was on an episode of a medical
show where a guy kept telling this gal that he
liked, you know, said, I'm going to tell you
every Tuesday that I like you and I'd like to
date you. And it's not stalking, harassing, because
I'm just telling you once every Tuesday. And
she said... Fine, thanks. See you next Tuesday.
So she called him a cunt right to his face on
broadcast TV, and my wife didn't understand.
I said, that's see you next. Oh, did everybody
laugh? They understood that? There was no laugh
track on the show. Oh, okay. But I said, you
know, think of the letters, see you next Tuesday.
I said, oh, that's what that means. Didn't that
originate from radio? I think so. Yeah, so people
could say that, and everyone would know what
they're saying, but they couldn't. Yep. Like,
so fucking, and all that. Yeah. Or calling somebody
a cunning runt. Or a cum dunk. Yes. Yeah. Yes.
All right. So we all have from Nasty Chew. Yeah,
okay. Tummy trouble trail mix. Hey, you can leave
a trail. Yeah, you could. Off the trail. Just
follow the diarrhea splats on the way back. Yes.
That's right. I like it. I also love the name
Tummy Trouble. I think it's pretty cute. It sounds
so cute and so friendly. What do you got there?
Oh, some tummy trouble? Little cartoony kids
on the label with green faces. I can see like
a little Charlie Brown looking guy. Yeah. With
his stomach like showing vibrations. Yep. And
he got his finger up like he's getting ready
to ask a question. His cheeks are all puffed
out because he's trying to hold the barf back.
Yeah, that's right. There we go. We already got
it. We need to ask AI to come up with a... That's
what I'm going to do. I'm going to ask AI to
come up with labels. Labels. Yeah, food labels.
Food labels. That'd be even better. That's going
to be good. And I'm going to find horrible foods
to make it give a description what it's like.
Yeah. But you've got to put it in right. You've
got to put like it'll add like, would you like
a new darker side one? Would you like a professional
one? Would you like a spreadsheet? Yeah. There's
different ways you can take it, too, because
it'll ask you. Wow. Okay, how about soggy bottom
paper towels? Ooh. Yeah. That could also be used
as diapers, too. This is true. This is true.
Then you only just rinse them out and use them
to wipe up a spill. Yeah, yeah. Hey, what are
you getting? Oh, I gotta go get some soggy bottoms.
Oh, okay. Would you give me a... Give me some
Chew Nasty. And how about some Nana Questionable
Mayo Dip while you're there? And some Regrettos.
Oh, those frozen burritos are so good. Oh, oh,
oh. And a couple of 12s of Sledge Light. Yeah.
Mmm, Sledge Light. I love that. That's little
Billy's favorite. Hey, Billy, what do you want?
Sledge Light! Hang on, little Billy. All right,
the next one would be Mild Disappointment Coffee.
I've had a few of them. Yeah, absolutely. This
new protein coffee drink that I got, pretty much
so. It's coffee, it's zero coffee, you know,
it doesn't have any sugar in it. But then when
they add that protein, it's just, it is a stomachache
in a can. With that caffeine, all that caffeine
in that, no thank you. They've got that mushroom
coffee out now. It's like dried, pulverized mushrooms
mixed with instant coffee. Yeah, I've heard mixed
things. I don't know, I'm kind of afraid to try
it. I'm not a mushroom fan anyhow. I don't like
fungus. so yeah um the next one is oh okay all
right i got prescription ready sorry about that
okay um Shark Guard active wear. That one I love.
Yeah, I think some football players probably
need that. Yeah, I think so. There's been quite
a few of them. They just crap their pants right
there on the field. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Have you seen some of the footage, too? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. This poor guy in white pants. He leaps
up to jump into the end zone. He gets hit. And
you can see the brown stain just instantly appear
between his butt cheeks. The field sucks as they
keep playing. Yep. They're like, I don't care.
Let them stick their face in there. They ain't
going to tackle me now. No. Let's see Biggin
bite me now. That's what needed to happen. Just
shit right in his face. That needed to happen
to Biggin. Next one. Sad whip top bill. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. That one was okay. You think a whip
topping is being happy instead of sad? Instead
of sad. It's got like a little... A little disappointed
blob. Yeah. A guy in the corner. They have one
of those blob fish be its mascots. Oh, yeah.
Hey, look, is that sad whip? I haven't seen that
in a while. Yeah, that's sad whip. Yeah, it's
making me sad just looking at it. Yeah, well,
I'm real sad. Alright, next one. Oops, it burns
sunscreen. Tell you what, AI worked a little
overtime on this. That was pretty good. This
next one's my favorite out of this whole list
of AI stuff. Moist and suspicious seafood spread.
Wow, that's like three warnings right there.
Oh, no, no, this is my favorite one right here.
Budget burial caskets. That's good. Thank you,
chatbot GPT, for that fine list of questionable
products. All right, Topher, let's turn this
over to you. You've got some stuff. Yeah. I kind
of want to have a slightly different conversation
about stolen land. You know, since Billie Eilish
has been talking about it lately, and then all
of a sudden people want to join her on her stolen
land, because they're not illegal there, apparently.
Next, we've got Joe Burrow's hairstyles. Ooh,
that's a good one. There's a lot of them. Anyway,
go ahead about the stolen land. Yeah, so, you
know, Billie said there's no one illegal on stolen
land. And then the Tongva people said, you're
right, that's our land that was stolen from us.
You need to give it back or at least reference
us when you talk about stolen land and tell everyone
that you're living on our land that was stolen.
And then several people showed up saying, hey,
if I'm not illegal on stolen land, then I get
to live here too. I love that. Suddenly Billie
Eilish was all in favor of law enforcement because
she called the cops on these people. So suddenly
law enforcement isn't fuck you anymore. It's
come here and do what I want you to do. Yeah.
So anyway, but what I wanted to ask about is
how far back do we go looking for the original
owners of this land? Because the Tongva people
who claimed that was their ancestral land, they
took it from somebody else by force. Yeah. And
those people took it from somebody before them
by force. In fact, the land we're on right now,
right here in the city market, once belonged
to somebody else. And it was taken away from
them by force or violence. Yeah. Not every transaction
is a legal sale. There's a lot of them where
they just took the land. So how far back do we
go before we say, okay, you're the original owner?
No, I know. And that's one of the things that
gets me is, okay, the You First movement is what
we're both on, and I agree with it 100%. Yeah.
Okay, if you really believe in these. You first.
Yeah. So Billie Eilish has to give up her land
before I consider doing anything. Yep. And her
mom has to give up her house on stolen land.
Yes. Everybody else has to. Yeah. Yeah. But no,
then I don't want to hear shit from her. Absolutely.
And what also seems to happen is the people who
are talking about the stolen land will only go
back far enough until they find a popular marginalized
group that they can champion. Yes. And that's
what they're looking for. Native Americans is
like the popular one. They're specifically looking
for someone that they can champion and say, look,
you stole their land. But, oh, yeah, they stole
it from somebody else. So why aren't you talking
about that? Yeah, they're not looking way back
when it was all one continent. No. It hasn't
even broke apart yet. How about the cavemen?
Let's find their descendants. Give it to them.
Yeah. I mean. 10 ,000 years ago, there were people
living right here, gathering food, hunting resources,
living green. Somebody came along and kicked
them off. It was their land. Yeah, that's right.
It doesn't belong to whatever tribe or this ever
whatever. It's like, no, go back farther. Conquering
is fair game. It is. That's the way it is. Yeah.
And it's in the animal world and it's also in
the human world. It's in the plant world. It's
in the plant world. Yeah. Invasive species come
in, take over, kill everything out. Are you going
to go lecture Kudzu about getting out of the
South? That's a good one, yeah. All this viney
climbing shit. What good is just stealing everything?
Yeah. You angry vine, you're on stolen land.
That's bullshit. Oh, but wait a second. Humans
are held to a completely different standard than
any other living creature in existence for some
weird reason. Well, I want to go to... Okay,
we can go into this, but also, let's do this,
okay? Yeah. What is the psychology behind someone
suddenly getting self -righteous? Why do you
think that fucking happens? They all seem to
do it, and they're all just full of shit. Setting
aside the business decision, business reasons.
For emotional reasons, for a lot of people, it's
a self -esteem boost. You see, because I know
it's business, but I think it's less business
than we think. Yeah. I think it's more people
trying to act super important and grandstanding.
There's something about grandstanding that makes
someone feel good. There's a certain group of
people that they want approval of, and they will
do or say whatever it takes to get their approval.
Whether they believe it or not doesn't matter.
They will talk themselves into believing it,
and I think that's... What Billie Eilish was
doing was, I will be popular with this group
of people if I say, fuck ICE and everyone's on
stolen land. And she never even bothered to think
about what the consequences might be. She probably
thought, I'm a cute little girl, no one's going
to get mad at me. You're right. Guess what? People
got mad at her. Yeah. But yeah, I think she was
trying to gain approval from the people that
she wants approval from. Yeah. And really, at
its basic level, she was doing it for herself.
Yes, I agree. Absolutely doing it for herself.
She was getting something out of it. And she
didn't get what she thought she was going to
get, and now she's all pissed. If she really
felt committed to this ideology, she wouldn't
give a shit about all the flack she's getting.
She'd just be saying, oh well, deal with it.
Instead, she's pissed off. She's threatening
to sue. She's hiding. I know. It's because she
never blamed it to begin with. I never thought
she looked that intelligent to start with. She's
got a blank look on her face constantly. She's
another one of those people who has a certain
look that can be sold and will do whatever she's
told to do, and she's being marketed and exploited.
Yeah, well, one day she looks like a fucking
Ebola yarn, and the next day she looks feminine,
and the next day she looks like a sock. Yeah.
And she's being told what to look like. Yeah.
Yeah. Today, we want you to pander to this group.
Yes. Tomorrow, you're going to be pandering to
a different group. Yes. And don't worry, the
money's coming in. Yeah. That's Billie Eilish's
life. Yeah. And to think that she actually believes
in anything, stands for anything, that's just
kind of wishful thinking. No, and then, I mean,
like you said, the Tonga Indian tribe came up
and said, hey, that's our land, so I want to
see her start first. She has the perfect opportunity
to show the world how it needs to be done. And
even if she doesn't know who originally really
owns that land, she knows for sure that she doesn't.
So she should give it up, let it be held in a
conservatorship until the true owners can be
found. Let's say she hands it over to the Tonga
Indian tribe, okay? And then another one comes
up and says before that, because that's ours.
So then they have to give it up to them, right?
Yep. Yeah, I think that sounds very logical.
Yeah, I should change hands like 100 ,000 times.
Yeah, so how do we... Okay, history is written
by the conquerors, right? Yep. So that would
be up for litigation. So we can come under...
I don't think this is historically accurate.
I think this is written by someone else. And
I need you to prove it. Were you there? No? Yeah.
Well, how do you know this was their land then?
Well, it says it in history... Well, hang on,
we're... Who wrote these history books? I don't
know. Was it a bunch of people? Yeah. You're
just taking their word for it? You're taking
their word for it? Oh, okay. Well, I didn't stand
up in court. No? So if you look at it like that,
nothing's valid anyhow. None of it. Yeah. But
then you're requiring them to actually think
logically and make sense, which is the last thing
they want to do. No. They deal with emotion and
shouting you down. I'm relatively sure. Billie
Eilish doesn't have that type of mentality. No.
I don't think she's... She strikes me a girl
who's just doing what she's told and doesn't
have a clue what's going on. She looks like a
personality brainless ditz to me. And to be fair,
part of it is the fact that she's 23 years old
and your brain isn't really fully mature until
you're about 25. Yeah. Which I did put that...
I put that episode... I put that... segment in
an episode about five ago yeah i finally found
it it was about the brain maturity yeah yeah
that was interesting about how we talk about
crimes and stuff as they would really you know
yeah you really can't hold people under the age
of 25 responsible because their brains aren't
developed enough yet yep so instead of a juvenile
record happening up to 18 it should be up to
25 yeah And people under the age of 25 should
not be drafted into the military because they're
not capable of making that decision for themselves
yet. That's right. And voting. Or marrying. Yeah,
or marrying. All that. I agree. Driving a car.
Yep. Owning a business. There's all sorts of
things. Yeah. Except now we're totally fucking
up with people's ability to make money. So, yeah,
this ain't happening. No, it's not happening.
All right. Got anything else with that? Let's
see. I guess not with that, but I've got a couple
more tangs. Okay, and then we go into Joey Burrow's
haircuts. Okay. So go ahead. You mentioned just
a moment ago, history is written by the conqueror.
And oddly enough, there's at least one instance
where history was written by the conquered. Oh,
okay. And it was the Roman Empire who got crushed
by the Visigoths. Yeah. Except the Visigoths
had no written language. The Romans did. I never
thought about that. So the Romans wrote the history.
And they painted the Visigoths as hulking, monosyllable
barbarians with barely two brain cells. And they
smelled bad. The Romans were lying their asses
off about it. But the Visigoths... having no
written language, couldn't defend themselves.
So the Romans wrote the history of their own
downfall and painted themselves as the poor victims.
Yeah, and they probably didn't give a shit either
since they were really not that advanced. They're
like, you probably couldn't even explain it to
them. Well, these people don't think very highly
of you. I don't care. Get out of my way. History
can't be written by the victor if the victor
doesn't have a written language. That's a good
point. But that's one of the few times in history
that has happened that way that we know of. Usually
whoever conquered likes it. They get to put in
their little jabs and all that good stuff. You
see, if I conquered someone, the first thing
I'd put in is their unusually small penis when
we had them stripped down. Hey, have you been
hearing about the big business deal involving
Warner Brothers Discovery? You were talking about
that the other day, right? Or today. Yeah. Go
ahead. Netflix wants to buy part of Warner Brothers
Discovery. Paramount wants to buy all of it.
It's kind of shaken out this way. Paramount has
upped its offer for Warner Brothers Discovery.
to $31 a share above its previous offer of $30
per share. Warner Brothers Discovery said the
board has not yet made a determination as to
whether the offer is superior to the offer from
Netflix, but it says it could reasonably be expected
to lead to a company's superior proposal, whatever
the hell that means. Now, Netflix only wants
the company's streaming and film assets, and
has offered $27 .75 per share. which is $82 .7
billion. The revised proposal from Paramount
for all of Warner Bros. Discovery not only includes
the increased purchase price of $31 per share,
which works out to $108 .4 billion, so that's
like $26 billion more, but it also adds a daily
ticking fee, which comes into play if there are
delays, and it would pay the shareholders $0
.25. per quarter, which works out to $650 million
that they have to pay to the shareholders for
delays beginning after September 30th, 2026.
Paramount is also offering $54 billion in debt
financing, as well as a $7 billion regulatory
termination fee, we'll call it the divorce fee.
In case the transaction doesn't meet with regulatory
approval and they have to undo everything, Paramount
is offered $7 billion to pay for that. Wow. Yeah.
Paramount has also agreed to pay the $2 .8 billion
termination fee that Warner Brothers would be
required to pay Netflix to terminate the existing
merger agreement. So Paramount's going all in
and just throwing the checkbook at Warner Brothers.
Wanting to defeat Netflix. Wow. Yeah. Tons of
money changing hands. I don't know if Netflix
can be beaten. I mean, they have made so many
right moves since they went to all internet.
Yeah. I remember delivering all those DVDs in
the mail back when Netflix was a by -the -mail
service. We had special... handling procedures
for them. They had to turn down the speed of
the processing machines in the plant because
going through at full speed it was snapping the
discs in half. So they had to slow them down
like about 25 % or they'd start snapping all
those discs. So in order to provide mail service
for Netflix, they had to slow down mail processing
by 25%. Wow. Permanently. Shit. and they needed
that account yeah well postal service is a service
to the to the people of the country including
the businesses and postal service is not supposed
to make a profit so if they say here's the fee
to deliver it netflix says okay we're paying
the fee you deliver it post office has to do
what it takes to get it there safe and on time
wow well yeah it didn't work out too great for
the post office no i don't think so i remember
when we would pick up The discs people were mailing
back, we had to segregate them and put them in
a separate tray so they could run them separately
at a low speed. But that didn't work because
the discs were showing up everywhere. And even
if you broke, you know, five or ten per shift,
that was too much. Netflix was screaming their
heads off. Yeah, because that ruins their business.
Yep. People are like, I'm going to quit buying
and they keep showing up broke. Yep. Yeah, I
get it. I remember that was a big deal for a
while. Okay. Pretty much everything else I got
is on the music side. Okay, well, I got quite
a few things here that I can go into. Okay. First
off, you know Joey Burrow, our buddy? Yes. Yeah.
You know, he's had a lot of different hairstyles,
right? Oh, yes, he has. Boy, and he enjoys showing
them off, apparently. Yes, he does, too. And
his clothes. He's very much a clothes horse.
Yes, he is, yeah. There's been quite a bit of
controversy about maybe, I don't know, his sexuality
and stuff because he's so flamboyant. Yeah, as
I said, I can see what people are looking at
and saying he might be gay. Number one, I don't
give a shit. No. Number two, I don't think so.
I think, no, he's had some really good looking
girlfriends. He's just weird. He's just odd,
yeah. But, you know, on the other hand, if he
was and was open about it, that could kind of
bust the NFL open. for openly gay athletes no
if he is i wish he would just come out because
i think he would actually be just as loved if
not more people be like you know what we're we
appreciate you letting us know and all that we
wish you the best and you know now the nfl has
had gay athletes all the time yeah there was
a guy in the 60s who played in the 60s for i
think dallas and he wrote a book later saying
that there was one one uh week where Dallas was
playing like the Giants. And the night before
the game, he went over to the hotel room of a
member of the Giants team and they had rough
sex. And it kind of beat him up a little bit.
And then the next day during the game, that guy
was pounding him on the field and just really
hurting. He was like, damn it, dude. We had sex
last night and you're kicking my ass on the field.
I think I remember reading that. The guy was
like, what the hell? It was like, last night
was last night. This is today. This is today.
Today I'm going to pound you, but not in the
way you like. So just think about all those,
you know, fine upstanding people in the stands
watching this game back in the 60s. They really
hate each other. No, that one just had his dick
up that guy's ass last night. Yeah. And then
this guy's upset about it. So that guy's a female.
Yeah, most likely. At least the bottom, anyway.
Yeah, the bottom, okay, whatever. But yeah, the
funny thing about it is the people who, looking
down on the field and thinking, oh, everything's
upright and outstanding and good, clean American
fun, is like, no, that's just the image. That's
just the image. It's been sleazy and corned up
ever since. Ever since, yeah. Probably one of
the first cave paintings from 30 ,000, 40 ,000
years ago was somebody drawing a dick. It was
probably porn. Probably, yeah. People would go
by and go, oh! In fact, some of those cave paintings
were probably painted by someone dipping their
dick in paint and then painting the wall with
it. And then it became a joke. Hey, whose penis
do you think it is? And you walk around and go,
I think it's that guy. Yeah, it looks like it'd
be his wiener. It's probably old Orange Dick
over there. Yeah, Orange Dick. If you notice,
the painting's in orange and his dick's orange,
so we're going to say it was him. And something
they don't tell you is some of those cave paintings
were painted in shit. Yes. Because, hey, it's
there. It's there, and they had to do something
with it. Yep. It's like, oh, these ancient pigments
and paints. No, they're painting with shit. Yeah,
and they probably thought it smelled good, too.
They're probably like, oh, this smells great.
That's right. They probably couldn't smell them
over their own personal body smell. Yeah, exactly.
They're like, man, this stuff smells better than
my armpits. Yay. All right, so Joe Burrow. Okay.
Oh, yeah, we were talking about Joe Burrow. I
just looked down. I was like, oh, yeah. We wander
off, don't we? We do, constantly. But people
love us. Well, maybe not. They tolerate us. They
tolerate us. That's a better choice. There we
go. All right, so Joe Burrow's hair has went
through a lot of transformations over the...
I think he's been in the league, what, maybe...
Eight years, nine years now? Yeah, it was close
to the same time Mahomes came in. He came in
the year after. Yeah. Him and Josh Allen both
entered the same, didn't they enter the same
year? I think Herbert at the same time, didn't
they? Yeah, Herbert, yeah. There's like the year
after. Yeah, Darnold. Anyhow, all right. The
first one is a classic shortcut undercut. His
go -to neat short sides with slightly longer
on the top. Does his look early when the Bengals
drafted him? Yeah. And that's where he's wearing
the plaid outfits and the hats and the cigars.
Oh, yeah, that's right. He was trying to be Joe
Cool. Yeah. He was getting that nickname going.
He got Joe Cool for a while. But then he went
to a shaggier, grown -out look, longer, more
relaxed curls. The fan noticed, especially the
2023 -2025 era. He went to that. He had the bleach
blonde, buzz cut, Eminem style. Yeah. It was
a major departure from his 2025 look that drew
a lot of attention. Yeah. He had the wet gel
style. Yeah, yeah. A slick, heavier product.
He debuted events in the off -season photos.
Kind of like Ross Geller from Friends. Yeah,
yeah, a lot like it. Yeah, absolutely. The old,
yeah, let's just breeze it back. Yeah, it looks
wet, but it's really kind of crunchy. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And you don't want to get a lighter
in here. No. Then he had the fringe slash bangs
look. I remember that. Yep. A variation of longer
bangs or a middle part that hung forward. Some
style call it the roundup for some reason. So
I don't know why it's called that, but that's
on this report here. Yeah. The short middle part
or other textured cuts, subtle variations on
length and parting that give different aesthetics
when you look at it. He needs a headband look.
Yeah. The very long hair phase, where his hair
got long enough, fans joked he needed a headband
to manage it. And I think he did eventually get
a headband for a while until he cut it. And then
finally, the worst one out of all of them that's
voted the worst one, and I agree with, the frosted
tips and 90s boy band echoes is what they call
it. Yeah, that was pretty. If he had done the
tips like Bengals Orange. That would have been
freaking awesome. Yeah, but no, the fact that
he went boy band. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, it did
not work. The media noticed variations that popped
up of a post bond blonde buzz that he did the
tips also. So that is all that this report had,
but go ahead. Amon Ra, St. Brown of the Lions.
Yeah. He tends to dye his hair Lions blue. Every
season. And you don't see it because it's under
his helmet. It's under his helmet, yeah. But,
yeah, it's like a nice blue. But he's team colored.
That's awesome. Some of the fans do it when he
does it. But with Joe Burrow, I would think he
would be open to putting team colors in his hair.
I think so, too. And maybe that's a good idea
for this coming season. It's like, all right,
we're coming back. We're serious now. I'm feeling
better. We're making some changes. I'm going
to dye my hair Bengals orange and black, and
we're going to ride this all the way. That would
be kind of an interesting thing. Maybe try to
get the fans to dye their hair orange and black
too. Yeah. And just make it a whole season -long
thing. Yeah. I like the idea. I think it would
be great. Hey, Bengals promotional department,
if you're listening, there's your free idea.
There you go. You can get after Joey Burrow about
that to start doing the Cincinnati Bengals striped.
Imagine if he took his helmet off and his hair
looked just like the helmet. Oh, wouldn't that
be great? With orange and black stripes. He could
probably do it. It'd probably be pretty easy,
you know? Yeah. I think even have his number
painted on the back of his head. And you don't
tell anybody that until he's coming in off of
the field after a scoring drive or something.
He takes his helmet off, and they've got the
cameras on him. They're like, what? I think that
would be freaking awesome. Now Michael's going,
look at that young whippersnapper. Does he have
his helmet on or not? I can't tell. I don't know.
Do a close -up. All right. You ever heard of
grief tech? I don't think so. I have an idea
of what it might be. Often referred to as dead
bots or grief bots. Yes. I thought so. Okay.
This is scary tech. It is. Very much so. It's
an emerging field of artificial intelligence
designed to help the bereaved cope with loss
by creating digital simulations of deceased loved
ones. Yeah. They are fucking... Have you seen
some of the footage? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It's
huge in Japan. I would... Yes, it is. Japan loves
it. But they also love robot sex, too. Yeah,
that's true. I don't know. There's people over
here that will do it. But to me, it is disturbing.
Yeah. Yeah. I think the mental health industry
is looking at it and going, no, no, no, no. Oh,
gosh. You're playing right into their denial.
They're never going to come to terms with this.
They're going to be screwed up for the rest of
their life. Plus the fact that it's a subscription
service. Yes. And if you cancel your subscription,
you not only don't have access to that AI loved
one, they will delete it. So it's like you're
killing your loved one all over again if you
don't, yeah. That's the sick part. Yeah. Whoever
came up with this is a sicko. Sick, twisted creep.
So they create the digital stimulations of deceased
loved ones. These systems use data such as text
messages, emails, social media posts, and voice
recordings to train AI models to mimic the personality,
speech patterns, and behaviors of the departed.
That is crazy. The business model I heard of
was they charge you a subscription fee. to maintain
the AI, and then a per visit fee. So they get
paid twice. And if you aren't coming in often
enough, they will have the AI creation of your
dead loved one contact you and say, I miss you,
why won't you come see me? Using your dead loved
one to manipulate you into coming in and spending
more money. I think there's a special place in
hell for someone that does that myself. Yep.
But can't you see a bunch of people saying, oh,
this is so wonderful. I'd love to do this. And
then they get involved and they're like, they
don't see how they're getting basically raped.
Emotionally raped. It's ugly. It is so ugly.
So what they do is AI developers ingest a personal
digital remains correspondence audio video to
create a personalized interactive model. The
afterlife industry is a growing market focus
on post -modern digital preservation. It's huge
in Japan, like you said, and it's getting bigger
in a lot of Asian countries as well. A psychological
concept, these tools can feel both comforting
and unsettling. I go the unsettling part. Some
people say it's a second goodbye, although you
never can say goodbye unless you kill them yourself,
which is the problem. because that's how grief
works it's like oh man i just killed him forever
yeah i'm never going to see that voice or face
again yeah yeah that's that is wow that is so
predatory yeah it just seems there's no limit
i mean they will they will screw you up any way
they have to to get money out of you oh i know
it's it's sickening it really is So, I mean,
I could go on with that, but, I mean, it's just,
to me, that's disturbing. Yeah, it makes my skin
crawl. It really does. Me too. It's like, it
takes the place of a very addictive drug. It
is. Yeah, it's the same as. Yeah, it's basically
the same thing. Yeah. Ugh. Yeah. Okay, designer
babies. You ever hear about those? I've heard
the term before, but it's been tossed around
for a while. Well, with all the genetic advances
we've had, they're now talking about designer
babies. And that's where you go, I want my baby
to look like this. I want it to have these traits.
I want it to do this. So designer babies are
children who genetic traits have been intentionally
selected or modified, typically using genetic
technologies before birth. The idea is that instead
of leaving a baby's... genes to chance, parents
or doctors could choose certain characteristics.
There's a breakdown. What it means is selecting
traits chooses specific genetic features like
avoiding a hereditary disease. Designer babies
are getting closer to reality. Genetic modification
potentially altering DNA to add change or remove
certain genes. On the face of it, it sounds like
this could be used in very... positive ways.
It can also be used in very, very negative ways.
There's that too. It also comes down to money.
The elite will have a perfect child with no history
of heart disease, no genetic dispensation for
types of cancer. If you're rich enough, your
baby can be healthy. And benefit from things.
And then poor people are going to have children
that are diseased. Yeah. But, you know, when
you give somebody permission to make genetic
changes to your child, they're not going to stop
with the ones that you want. They're going to
put in the ones they want, too. Exactly. They're
going to make sure they put in something so your
child is just a complete sucker when it comes
to advertising. But think, Hitler didn't have
this. No. He would have got his wish. Yeah. See,
they'll also make genetic changes to make sure
your child believes whatever he sees on TV and
does whatever he's told and on and on and on.
And they won't tell you about those changes.
No. But once you give them permission to make
little changes in your child's DNA, they're going
to do all sorts of stuff that they will never
tell you about. Yeah, they're going to be doing
experiments. They'll put a little change in here
that makes your child need a certain... prescription
medication every day for the rest of their life
oh look a subscriber what do you know they make
that a lifelong subscriber now yeah they can
program you from birth they need all these medications
for the rest of your life yeah and they'll say
oops well maybe something went wrong you're just
gonna have to find a way to pay for these or
get insurance or something yeah isn't that crazy
that's nuts so this uh change in dna stuff also
is another thing How do we know that's going
to affect the rest of the DNA pool? You have
no way of knowing how this is going to shake
out like five or ten generations from now. Maybe
it brings up some insanely fatal genetic anomaly.
What if it creates a virus? Genetic changes create
viruses. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. We
will not know the true effect, fallout, all of
that. We won't know until years later. And no
matter how many bad side effects and bad outcomes
there could be, if someone can make money off
it, it'll happen. And they won't tell us about
it, and they'll wait for the big class action
lawsuit later. Yep, yeah. That's how things work.
Make the money now, and then try to get out of
paying for it later. Yep, that's what they do.
So, I mean, we could go on with that, but I think
we covered a good deal of it. And really, with
all new technology, the first thing you should
ask is, how is this working out for someone other
than me? Why was this invented? Because it wasn't
invented to make my life better. Nothing's invented
to make your life better. Everything's invented
to get money out of your hands and into theirs.
So look at every new technology from that perspective.
How is this designed to get my money out of me?
And that's it, too. They're not happy with just
regular anything now. The only thing that makes
them happy is subscription. They want you there
forever. Yep. Once they saw people would join
a political party and then just vote straight
party ticket, they realized they can do the same
thing with brands. Oh, we get them hooked on
Coke and they'll never look at Pepsi. We get
them convinced that Ford's it, they'll never
look at a Chevy or a Toyota. That's right. We'll
just get them for life. Yeah. I thought he was
going to turn around and talk, but he didn't.
He turned around and waved and smiled, but I
wish he'd come back around and talk, but oh well.
Want to hear a bus company's most unusual lost
and found items? Oh, that sounds good. All right.
A British bus company revealed the most unusual
items to wind up in its lost and found last year,
2025, including a box of fortune cookies and
an inflatable dinosaur costume. I like that.
The Oxford bus company said its customer service
department logged a total of 4 ,387 lost and
found items in 2025. In 1 ,013 of those items,
about 23 % were returned to their owners and
the rest were not. Nobody ever claimed it. Wow.
That's pretty good for 23 % to get returned.
It really is. It actually is pretty high. Yeah,
me too. The transit company said the most unusual
items across the customer service desk include
a bag of rubber ducks, a box of fortune cookies,
an inflatable dinosaur costume, a baby bonsai
tree, a potato with googly eyes, How can you
tell it's a baby bonsai? Yeah, you know what?
That's true because they're all small. Did it
have like a little tree diaper on it? I think
it did. I mean, all my baby bonsais do. I need
to know which ones are the babies and which ones
are mature because they get different food. Yeah,
so I put the diapers on the babies. And then
after a year, I take them off. Yeah. Tree poop.
Tree poop, yeah. However, those diapers do last
a long time on a tree. No, that's true. That's
a good thing. A couple years at least. Yes. All
right, the transit company said, let's see, okay,
let's see, fortune cookies, dinosaur, okay, a
jar of pickled onions, a bicycle tire, a 22 -pound
bag of rice. Whoa. How do you forget that? It's
pretty big. Yeah, someone going home would probably
be like, hey, where's my rice? Oh, shit. I thought
I had it in my back pocket. Damn it. Must have
left it on the bus. That's just weird. Then on
the way to go get it, he gets hit by another
bus, and it just gets left on there. He shows
up at the wedding. Oh, my rice isn't here. Damn
it. What can we throw? We have some pudding left.
Okay, let's do that. Bring it out. So, several
Nerf guns and a yoga mat covered with inspirational
quotes. Aw, somebody lost their yoga mat. Yeah,
it's got like a little kitten hanging off the
edge of a branch going, hang in there. Yeah,
another little saying that says, is that best
you can do, fuckhead? A penis. Someone drew a
penis on her. Someone drew a hairy asshole. Achieve
inner peace or I'll fucking kill you. And someone
drew a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for no
reason. Oh, yeah. What's that? Peanut butter
and jelly sandwich? Why? Oh, no. It's part of
the peanut butter conspiracy. That's right, yeah.
But you don't want to know about that. Just keep
moving. Don't look at me when I'm talking. And
then they found essentials like keys, mobile
phones, umbrellas, purses, and wallets are among
the most common items. But there are also several
unexpected ones. Andy Morrison, head of digital
customer experience at Oxford Bus Company, said
in a news release, misplacing a personal item
can be a stressful experience. So we use technology
to help make it easier for people to get their
belongings back, he said. We use the end of the
year to highlight the unconventional ones to
remind people that we keep lost items. Morrison
said any items lost in Oxford buses can be claimed
in person or sent to their owners in the mail.
We encourage people who misplace their items
to use our not lost service via the website.
which has helped us effectively manage lost property
and minimize stress among affected passengers.
Some of the most bizarre finds in 2024, this
is a year before, included a suitcase full of
retro adult magazines. Yeah. A jar of raw chicken.
Oh, nasty. A snooker cue. Okay. Previous years
I've seen items left behind like a bar stool,
a roll of Donald Trump toilet paper, a guitar,
one ski. Oh, might be a one -legged person. I
think so. And a wet floor sign. I'm sure they
didn't mention on purpose, but how many of those
items left behind do you think were actually
sex toys and they just didn't want to mention
in the article? Half. Probably about half. Because
what else is there to do on the bus except pleasure
yourself with a sex toy? Yeah, or the old ones
where they had one person with a remote control
and the other one wearing the device. Oh, you're
right. He'd be in the front of the bus and she'd
be in the back and they'd just go. I'll say,
I soiled myself. I remember one place I worked,
there was one guy that he worked on the quality
control line. And we would all make trips to
the bathroom during the day. It was no big deal.
Except this guy, most of the time when he went
to visit the bathroom, he reached up onto the
shelf and he got this little box and he took
it with him. And nobody was really sure what
the heck was going on with that little box. But
eventually, a couple years later, he did something
to get himself fired. And he stormed out. And
one of the guys went over and cleaned up the
area. And he's like, hey, he left his little
box here. And he opened it up. It was a plastic
dildo. A dirty one. It had poop smudges all over
it. So he was taking that into the bathroom.
shoving up his butt several times a day. Oh,
my gosh. And if he'd remembered to take it with
him when he left, nobody would have ever known.
But now we all know. I bet you he never came
back after that. No, he didn't. Because he's
like, oh, shit, I forgot that. I won't say his
name. I think he's passed away at this point,
but I'm still not going to say his name. When
we found it, we're like, okay. Now we know what
he was all about. We didn't tell the boss. He
didn't think he could handle it. Then we started
thinking, all those times he was in there, and
we were out here waiting to use the bathroom
because he was in there. I was like, ew. There
you are thinking, man, that poor guy has constipation.
No. I mean, to do that at work, you've got to
be pretty horny. Oh, gosh. Who even gets in the
mood when you're working? I mean, even if you
like that, you know, that whatever pecking situation
or whatever it is. No, no, no, not at work. Geez.
Now, I heard all sorts of stories about, you
know, guys that I carried mail with that would
have sex while they're on the route. You know,
they have like, you know, someone on the route
who's... lonely and single and want sex it happens
when you got a chance you know val worked for
the post office many years yeah ask her about
running man running man okay running man was
a guy that parked next door her neighbor at the
time he was a postal service employee he would
leave his jeep or whatever the llv running yeah
well he went ahead and got a little favor from
the lady yeah So they called him running name
because he left his car, his LLV running. He'll
get fired for leaving the vehicle running before
he'll get fired for having sex with a customer.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. But they never caught
him, I guess. I mean, as far as I know. There's
one guy that I used to be kind of friends with
until he became a traitor. Okay. He went from
union president to member of management overnight.
Oh, that's a traitor. That's a traitor. But he
was talking about this one paper. Can we give
him an ass paddling this Sunday? Yeah, I think
we should give him an ass paddling. Write it
down. Oh, I think I remember his name, too. But
there's this one neighborhood in KCK called Highland
Crest. Okay. And for a while, it was like divorcee
heaven. of two -story split -level houses all
built in like the 60s and 70s. And for a while
during the 1990s, it was pretty much all divorced
women and their kids living there. And that was
his route. He was delivering a lot. He said that
there's like five different houses to where all
he has to do is knock on the door and he can
go in and get a blowjob. Wow. I bet people fought
over that route. He was taking full advantage
even though he was married. And when they go
on the conventions, when you go to the union
conventions, the rank and file votes on who they
want to send as delegates, but then the officers
of the union can select a few additional ones
that they want. And, of course, they always selected
the girls that would put out. Oh, of course.
And there was one gal that I worked with there
at Argentine Station mostly. but the moment they
would get to the hotel for the convention, she'd
get a room and then just lay there on the bed
naked, and whoever wanted to come by and have
sex with her was just perfectly fine with her.
It was just open -door policy in her room for
the whole weekend, and that's why she got to
go to every single convention. Okay. Gotta have
a plan. And then when she'd come back from the
convention, all the guys that she let sleep with
her during the convention, she'd demand favors
from. Oh! You know, they are thinking it serves.
It serves you right, dude. Yeah, it does. No,
that's funny because they think that, oh, yeah,
hey, that was special. I got it. And then later
on it's like, wait a minute, it made you wanted
something for it? It was a transaction all along.
Yep. Yep. Yep. That special feeling went away
pretty quick, didn't it? Yeah. And any married
guys that she slept with, she would tell union
management about or union higher -ups, and then
they could put pressure on those guys. Yeah.
It was all information collection, too. Oh, gosh,
a union being corrupt? Imagine that. Yeah, I
would have never thought that that would ever
happen. Now, I'm a union guy, but... Yeah, unions
are corrupt. No, no, no. I am too. I'm retired.
We're both retired union people. But the problem
is we also know how they work. My biggest problem
with them is them telling me how I needed to
work because with my money they paid off a politician.
I never argued with them, but I remember one
guy arguing with them because they were endorsing
Hillary. And he's like, fuck no, I ain't voting
for her. I hate Hillary. I'm not voting for her.
No, that was one of my problems, too, is I was
like, I can't stand her and I'll never vote for
her. They go, well, you know what? She's good
and she's one that we, she's a party that we
pay off. And I said, well, I didn't fucking ask
you. Yep. And no. Nope. I'm not obligated just
because you spent the money on her. I'm not obligated.
Like I always say. He's like, well, it'd be a
waste of our money then. It's like, well, ask
us next time. Yeah. That was the last thing they'd
do. The thing is, is everybody felt the same
way. Yeah. The problem is, is the union was still
doing business as usual with the old guys. Yes.
Yeah. Like Hillary, they just thought, oh, well,
it's a shoe -in. We don't even have to try really
hard. Of course we're going to get it. Oops.
Yep. Whichever side you're on, it's just funny
when somebody thinks it's a shoe -in and then
they get their pants yanked down. Well, look
at this last election. They thought a bait and
switch is going to work perfect. Yeah. Oops.
On the other hand, there are a lot of people
who thought that whole bait and switch thing
was done intentionally to throw the election
and make sure Trump won because it was Trump's
turn. And they wanted certain regulations and
laws and things changed and passed. And they
wanted things set up and then four years from
now the other side will win. Normally I could
go along with something like that, but no, you
know, Trump is such a thorn in everybody's side.
I'm going to say no, that was not the plan. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, if he was going along business
as usual doing Biden stuff and just going along
with the party line and everything, I'd be like,
yeah, that was predisposed. No. There was once
a political leader in, I think it was Germany
in the 1930s. His name started with an H or something.
And he was trying to get into power, and he was
cuddling up with big business. And all the big
business thought, oh, this guy's a weakling.
We can push him around. He'll be our puppet.
So they gave him full support and got him into
power. And as soon as he was in power, he turned
the full force of the militarized dictatorship
against him and said, oh, no, you're doing things
my way now. I'm not going to do what you say.
You're going to do what I say. And all those
big business leaders were like, uh -oh. We thought
we had a puppet, and now he's telling us what
to do. It happens sometimes. It happens. Oh,
look at New York right now. They're getting some
buyers and works big time. Isn't that hilarious
that the New York mayor doesn't think voters
should have to have an ID, but if you want to
shovel snow, you need two forms of ID and a Social
Security card. Isn't that fucked up? And his
claims, oh, well, if that might fall, that's
just the way the rules are. It's like, well,
then follow the rules. In his defense, how else
is his party going to get votes? I mean, because
there's only so many really stupid people on
this earth. Yeah, yeah. It's amazing to watch
all the businesses that are fleeing New York
because they don't want to pay his ruinous taxes.
And remember, he ran on, we're going to tax the
billionaires. And now that he's in office, oh,
well, that ain't working, so now we're going
to tax everybody. Everybody's personal property
taxes going up. The thing is, he played them
like a fucking fiddle. Yep. And they ate it up.
This was the plan all along. And if you don't
realize it, then maybe you should go back to
school. Yeah, you're right. They don't have intention
of doing anything in front of us. And the thing
is, is school aren't going to help these rooms.
No. They're that stupid. They want to believe.
They want so much to believe that you'll never
convince them otherwise. Nope. I'm going to even
try. You don't even talk to people like that.
No, I don't either. That's why I'm not in the
business of convincing anybody because most people
don't want to hear it anyhow. And they're going
to believe their own stupid narrative that they
came up with anyhow. So how long do we have on
this one? Coming up on a couple hours. Okay.
Do you want to go in and end this and go into
the music creeps? Yeah, yeah. But one more thing
is my series of people that I try to avoid. Oh,
I'm sorry. I thought you were all out of stuff.
No, I just came up with this. Oh, okay. It'll
be short. Oh, no, that's fine. Take your time.
Another version of people I try to avoid is I'm
starting to identify people as bleeding fish.
Okay. Now, if you ever watched, like, Jaws, when
they're trying to attract the shark, they have
the guy throwing buckets of chopped up fish.
Chum. Yeah, chum. Fish guts, fish bones, fish
body parts, blood, et cetera, et cetera. And
what would naturally occur would be like a wounded,
bleeding fish flipping around and flopping in
the water, sending out blood trail and the vibrations
that attract all the predators. I'm starting
to realize there are a lot of people around that
are bleeding fish. They're flopping and twitching
around and attracting predators. And I don't
want to be anywhere near them when they show
up to eat. Yeah, you're right. Because I'll get
eaten too. Yeah. But I'm starting to see this
more and more, people who are so clueless. They're
being so obvious and so open about the fact that
anybody can just come along and take advantage
of them. And you'll see a lot of them joining
protests that they really don't even have any
idea what the protest is for. They're bleeding
fish. They're there to attract attention, attract
violence, attract something. That's a pretty
good analogy. Yeah. And people have cracked that
code, too. They know what people can manipulate
like that. Yeah. When I look at them now, I see
a bleeding fish, and I don't want to be anywhere
around it when the shark shows up. No, no, no,
because they are born on that path, and they're
going to continue on that path to destruction.
I don't want anything to do with it. I'll stay
way over here. They're intentionally and defiantly
oblivious to the danger they're putting themselves
in. They refuse to believe it. They won't believe
it. They'll yell at you and call you a hater
if you try to tell them that they're putting
themselves in danger. Best course is just to
step back, stay on shore, and watch them get
torn up by the sharks. Yep, I agree. There's
nothing you can do for them. Don't die with them.
No, no. That's like another expression is if
a ship is sinking, it won't be any better if
you sink with it. No, that's true. Stay on shore.
Let it sink without you. And I'm taking that
attitude for a lot of things. It's like you don't
want my help. You're not going to act on me.
You are going to yell at me for trying to help
you. So I'm going to stay back here and just
watch your ship sink. Because it's not going
to make any difference if I sink with you. It's
not going to help. So bye. You're on your own.
And that's not mean. It's not selfish. It's normal
self -preservation, I think. I think so, too.
Yeah. I've always thought that. I think the dumb
people are the ones who are like, oh, I must
jump in there with him. Well, it's impossible.
you're not going to do anything, so you're just
volunteering yourself to be in this. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. It's, gosh, it's sad to see people who
could be complete normal people living regular,
you know, fulfilling and productive lives, but
they've decided to give their whole existence
over to something that is mostly having to do
with hate. Yeah. It's like, oh, if I join this
group, I can hate on stuff all the time, and
that's what I want to do. I want to be part of
a large group that hates. And so they choose
that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I keep getting friend requests
from somebody who I eliminated because all she
did was post hatred and anger and violence. And
then she keeps trying to friend request me again
because, you know, I'm friends with her husband.
And it's like, nope. You showed me who you are
and what you're all about. I want nothing to
do with you. Why would you wish that on yourself
to deal with someone like that? You don't. It's
like intentionally stepping in a big puddle of
vomit and getting all over your shoes. Why would
you do that? Yeah, there's no reason you should
do it. Yeah, I agree. Anyway, so that's another
person I try to avoid, the bleeding fish. No,
I love that. That's good. That's a really good
analogy, actually. We could start using that,
too. Yeah. If you think someone's a bleeding
fish, go, yep, maybe we'll come up with a list
of bleeding fish. Yeah. Let's do that. List of
bleeding fish. Yeah, I think Billie Eilish is
a bleeding fish. Yeah, exactly. Yep, exactly.
One of the first on the list. Somebody sliced
her up and threw her in the water. And the problem
is she got the self -righteous streak in her
when she didn't need to. She was already very
popular and beloved, and now people are looking
at her like what she is a ditz. Yeah. And really,
mostly, I think people's reaction to her is they're
not angry at her for her sentiments or what she
believes. They're disappointed that she's shown
herself to be so easily manipulated when she's
utterly clueless about what's really going on.
Yeah. It's like, well, okay, now we can't take
you seriously because you just showed us how
shallow and stupid you are. We thought you were
more on the ball than this. She can have her
own opinions, and she can believe what she wants,
but the fact that she's just so clueless, and
it's now very obvious to everybody. Even more
so. Yeah. Yep. I agree. All right. We'll wrap
this piece up. Okay. Anyhow, everybody, thank
you for listening. I mean, the numbers are really
showing it because you guys are telling everybody,
and I'm telling you, the way we're growing in
different markets, we'll, like, start and get,
like, one or two and then three and four and
then 20 and 30 in different markets. It shows
that you guys are talking to people and actually,
you know, accentuating. Spreading the word. Yeah,
spreading the word. We appreciate it. We can't
thank you enough. Thank you guys so much, and
go fuck yourself.