WEBVTT

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Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's

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right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, live from the historic

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river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri,

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but only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.

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Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio

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in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap

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studio from Extreme Southern Tent for the Kansas

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City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's

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grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they

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throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're

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happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself

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off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's

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a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need

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rolling papers. Well, since you're here, let's

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get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.

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All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic

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thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to download every podcast.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all

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friends, family members, and workmates download

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this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to

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grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the Fudge Factory. Yes, there's

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a Fudge Factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys, we can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. Hey there. We all have those

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annoying co -workers that do nothing. There's

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nothing we can do about it because HR departments

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are running scared of lawyers. So we have to

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work with these worthless pieces of garbage.

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But we have to communicate about them without

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them knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags

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Microphone, we developed a way that you can speak

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about them right in front of them without them

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knowing about it. Stay tuned. Cordless only works

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40 minutes. E .T. always wants to go home. Kit

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Kat always taking a break. Muffler always exhausted.

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Seaweed floats around all day. Sensor light only

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works when someone walks by. Wheelbarrow only

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works when pushed. Hey peeps, it's time for the

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police blotter. That's right, stories about stupid

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criminals. and the dumbassness that ensued. Let

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us begin now. An Ohio man was arrested after

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authorities said he mistakenly sent a baggie

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of crystal meth through a tube at a bank drive

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-thru last week. Jason G. Smith, 46, was cuffed

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on December the 3rd. After a swift investigation

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in... To an unexpected deposit, he made at the

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bank in Woodsfield, Ohio, according to a press

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release from Monroe County Sheriff's Office.

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Smith drove away from the bank without realizing

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his mistake. An employee reported the baggie

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he left. He was picked up on a drug charge soon

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after. Hey, look! I think we found land! Oh my

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God, I think we're safe! Oh no! It's the Island

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of Horrible Jokes! Elevator music is horrible.

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On so many levels. And now we look in on the

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adventures of the technical explanation guy.

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Excuse me, my dear sir. Could you please direct

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me to the nearest self -employed person in a

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motorized vehicle that will transport me where

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I ask them to in exchange for money and a tip?

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Do you mean an Uber ride? Well, yes. Yes, I do

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mean an Uber ride. Then just say an Uber ride,

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you dumb motherfucker. And why are you constantly

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following me around asking me stupid questions?

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Fucking idiot. Two douchebags and a microphone.

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I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the

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Talk is Cheap studio, and here are my fantastic

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goat noises. And I am Rob here in Wheatland,

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Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway

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and Water Track, and also home of Hickam Oak

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Country Store, where you can find all your needs.

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including a selfie with a green Sinclair dinosaur

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in the Doug Barnes studio. That's with a huge

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penis. The dinosaur. Yes. Huge penis. Yes. All

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right. This is Topher. I'm in the newly renamed

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Paisley Possum Studios. I'm proud to announce

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that I've gotten most of the spiders killed.

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And it's actually being kind of nice down here.

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Topher, I understand. I'm in a loft at a 120

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-year -old house, okay? I understand. I'm looking

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at my dauberness. Topher, didn't it used to be

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called something else besides possum? Yeah, I

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started out with the no -filter studio. Yeah.

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Somebody else already has that. Bastard. I changed

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it to the awkward possum. Okay, that makes sense.

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Oh, that is cool. Right on. Okay. No, I do know

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this. Yeah, I've always liked Brad Paisley. So

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he must be good. Yeah, I agree. All right, well,

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I'm going to start off with my monologue, then

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we're going to go to Rob, and then we're going

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to go to you. Sound good? Sounds good. All right.

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All right, with the release of the Epstein Files,

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you owe your favorite conspiracy theorist an

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apology, including me. Secondly... If we don't

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make a stand as Americans, we are doomed. We

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cannot let all this looting, theft, and pilfering,

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gerrymandering, and constant diversion stay as

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it is. The Clintons both were called for testimony

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as part of the huge Lolita Island bust. I'm personally

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appalled at the number of idiots that still support

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these two crooks. And this is non -denominational.

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I'm not Democrat or Republican, either one. This

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is fucking decency and common sense, people.

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Decency and common sense. It doesn't have a D

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or an R in front of it. So, you know, they're

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called to testify, and they're not doing it as

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far as I know. I remember plain as day Slick

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Willie on his pulpit, chastising the public about

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not having a sexual relationship with that woman,

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later to be impeached. That says a lot right

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fucking there. So, people trusted... Okay, so

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how about that perverted piece of shit Bill Gates?

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No wonder his wife got away with him with a fortune.

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This garbage can of alleged human being was trying

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to slip his wife antibiotics to cover up his

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infidelity. People trusted this asshole with

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a vaccine? How in the fuck did this nerdy shitbag

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get in charge of everybody's health? How did

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that happen? Anybody have an answer? Well, I

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don't. I think the Netherlands has kind of gotten

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clued in more than everyone else because I believe

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the Netherlands has just indicted Bill Gates

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for false and misleading statements about the

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COVID vaccine. Oh, I'll have to look that up.

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Thank you. Thank you, Topher. Yeah, I've been

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getting quite a bit of fake news in my feed,

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but this one looks like it might be true. I hope

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so. I mean, this guy, he couldn't even get it

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out of the way of chlamydia or whatever filth

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he brought home to his wife. And they trusted

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him. Actually, it was probably fucking Biden

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and Fauci are probably the ones that let him

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in on it. So, anyhow. The former Prince Andrew

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was shockingly arrested. This was Fallout from

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the Epstein Island. Yeah, that piece of shit,

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too. I know I'm a little serious and a little

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dark, but all this shit needs to be said. Okay.

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Okay. On February 19, 2026, a former Prince Andrew,

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Andrew Montabandon, Montabandon, Windsor, or

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whatever the fuck it is, was arrested, some obnoxious

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ass name, was arrested by police on suspicion

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of misconduct in public office. The arrest relates

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to allegations that he shared confidential information

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with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein while

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serving as a UK trade envoy. He was released

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from custody the same day while investigations

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continue. So, now, not only do I want convictions,

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but all the sensitive information that the creep

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gathered to honeypot high -profile people, who

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was behind it? What country do we owe a huge

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ass -kicking to, is what I'm saying. Where did

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this come from? It didn't come from Epstein.

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He had orders from above him. Who are those pieces

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of shit? And who do we have to go find and lynch

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that motherfucker? Or all of them? Is this the

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elite? Is this the deep state? Is this all these

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fucks that we've heard about for so long? Another

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conspiracy theory that we probably owe another

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apology to? Anybody have any idea on that? Any

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thoughts? I would not be surprised if this was

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definitely an international kind of thing, something

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above the country level. You know, I don't think

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any country or union of countries really is in

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charge. I think it's people who are kind of on

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the outside of all of this, the money and the

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power to influence. And I think all of what we

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see is the puppet show. Right. I agree. I agree.

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Yeah, it's much above just the United States.

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It's much above everything. Yeah. So I get the

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feeling like Bill Gates and Fauci and some of

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these other types are probably a part of this,

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possibly, of this upper regimen or whatever,

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if you will, this shadow government, whatever.

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Do what? up yeah yep that's true they had to

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have some type of doctors in the area think about

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it yeah yeah okay well um that's what i got so

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anyhow um you guys continue um go into what you

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guys want to talk about and we'll come back around

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okay okay well i'm gonna start off on a lighter

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note okay that's cool Well, I've been wanting

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to do this for a while, and I thought with Topher

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aboard, it'd probably be the perfect opportunity

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to. I know you have, yeah. Well, this is out

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of Pulaski County, Missouri. Okay. This is down

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around Fort Leonard Wood, St. Robert area. Yeah.

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Waynesville. Okay. You know where I'm talking

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about. Okay. Yep. Okay. This is no joke. The

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department requests the public's help in identifying

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the person in a January 25th social media post

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where they reported that the suspect had stolen

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women's undergarments and a life -size silicone

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booty from the Buckhorn, Missouri business. That's

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pretty good. He said the lion bin several times.

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That's not curiosity. That's premeditated booty

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behavior the department added. Yeah, the funny

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thing is, I had ties to that area, and that makes

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it so much funnier. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah,

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that's fitting. Yeah, that's... That's beautiful.

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And the link was still purple. You know how they

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turn purple when you've already clicked? Uh -huh.

00:15:52.710 --> 00:15:56.509
Yeah. And I got to the story, and the story's

00:15:56.509 --> 00:16:00.710
different. Oh, wow. Got some things removed from

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it that I've never seen that before. It's where

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I looked at the same story later, and it looks

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exactly the same. The layout's the same. The

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picture's the same. Everything's just... That

00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:20.879
is weird. Wow. Yeah. So someone went in there

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and edited in the time that you were gone and

00:16:24.019 --> 00:16:29.720
came back to it. Yep. Fuck. That's great. I know.

00:16:29.820 --> 00:16:33.059
Wow. It's like, even, you know how they used

00:16:33.059 --> 00:16:35.159
to say if it's on the internet it's there forever?

00:16:35.379 --> 00:16:43.019
Well, no it ain't. No. No it ain't. Wow. That's

00:16:43.019 --> 00:16:47.299
kind of scary. That's scary as hell. Something

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I've noticed is that since the Epstein Files

00:16:50.580 --> 00:16:55.000
came out, I've noticed a big upsurge in the fake

00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:58.440
news stories getting my news feed. Oh, yeah.

00:16:59.559 --> 00:17:04.619
Yeah, yeah, I have too. It's gone up, and they're

00:17:04.619 --> 00:17:07.279
trying to make sure we can't trust what we see.

00:17:07.940 --> 00:17:12.500
Yes. So jaded. It's like, I don't know what to

00:17:12.500 --> 00:17:15.160
believe. I don't believe anything. So this is

00:17:15.160 --> 00:17:17.740
psychological warfare. to soften the blow of

00:17:17.740 --> 00:17:22.400
the Epstein files. I agree. And guess what? Now

00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:27.380
the UFO files get released. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:27.559 --> 00:17:31.259
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, anything to bring us away

00:17:31.259 --> 00:17:34.359
from that. All of a sudden. All of a sudden.

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Yep. Couldn't do it for all these years. And

00:17:37.920 --> 00:17:40.599
then suddenly, everybody's wanting convictions.

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And it's like, hey, look over there. Look at

00:17:43.400 --> 00:17:46.259
the UFO files. They just came open. Yeah. They

00:17:46.259 --> 00:17:48.579
fell on the ground and broke open. What the fuck?

00:17:49.059 --> 00:17:51.740
Yep. Same thing they've been doing for years.

00:17:51.940 --> 00:17:54.059
My opinion. Maybe one of these days they'll need

00:17:54.059 --> 00:17:57.339
a distraction and we'll get all the Kennedy assassination

00:17:57.339 --> 00:18:00.720
files opened up. Oh yeah, those are next. Well,

00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:04.519
Trump did promise to do that, actually. He did

00:18:04.519 --> 00:18:07.059
promise to do that. Oh, that's right. Yeah. He

00:18:07.059 --> 00:18:10.700
said he's going to open up all the files. Yeah.

00:18:11.500 --> 00:18:18.619
Yep. Even the pedophiles. Okay. All right. On

00:18:18.619 --> 00:18:21.900
the Bill Gates thing I mentioned earlier, I went

00:18:21.900 --> 00:18:24.380
ahead and looked it up, and this also has got

00:18:24.380 --> 00:18:26.680
the smell of fake news, because the thing I saw

00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:34.099
was the RFK Jr. giving a speech about how Bill

00:18:34.099 --> 00:18:36.319
Gates is under indictment by the Netherlands.

00:18:36.700 --> 00:18:39.900
So here I looked it up a little deeper, and it

00:18:39.900 --> 00:18:43.779
turns out this is from about two years ago. and

00:18:43.779 --> 00:18:46.740
it's a civil lawsuit, not a criminal indictment.

00:18:46.900 --> 00:18:51.059
Oh, damn it. Okay. Okay. There's like a tiny

00:18:51.059 --> 00:18:54.400
little piece of truth behind it, but that's all

00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:57.119
it is. A couple years ago, he was hit with a

00:18:57.119 --> 00:18:59.480
civil suit, and he tried to get it dismissed

00:18:59.480 --> 00:19:04.079
and lost that motion. But who knows where the

00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:11.900
process is now. Yeah. In late 2024, instead of

00:19:11.900 --> 00:19:18.809
Dutch court rules, move forward in the Dutch

00:19:18.809 --> 00:19:22.029
legal system. So who knows where it is in the

00:19:22.029 --> 00:19:24.589
process. Well, I mean... Gates lawyers are trying

00:19:24.589 --> 00:19:26.910
to do everything to slow it down. Oh, I'm sure.

00:19:27.089 --> 00:19:30.269
I'm sure. So, like, if that sets a precedent,

00:19:30.569 --> 00:19:32.569
then that's going to be interesting to see where

00:19:32.569 --> 00:19:34.990
that goes. More people could probably sue him.

00:19:36.710 --> 00:19:39.849
Yeah. Yeah. That would be nice. International

00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:42.210
law may be the way to come after these people.

00:19:42.289 --> 00:19:44.849
It's like the way to bring down organized crime

00:19:44.849 --> 00:19:47.289
at the beginning was to hit them with tax evasion.

00:19:47.309 --> 00:19:50.210
Yes. That was their way in. That was the weakness

00:19:50.210 --> 00:19:52.769
in their armor. Maybe international law is the

00:19:52.769 --> 00:19:54.930
way to start getting people that you can't get

00:19:54.930 --> 00:19:57.750
within the country. Well, that would be nice,

00:19:57.829 --> 00:20:02.730
wouldn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you know,

00:20:02.789 --> 00:20:07.289
I had some faith in the American public, and

00:20:07.289 --> 00:20:11.150
I'm trying not to lose faith that this, everything

00:20:11.150 --> 00:20:14.109
going on right now is such an outrage that people

00:20:14.109 --> 00:20:22.740
are going to demand better. and prosecuted, though.

00:20:22.839 --> 00:20:26.299
That's the problem. Yes. None of it. Yes. Yeah.

00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:28.680
All of this is for nothing. They're trying to

00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:31.160
wait out our interest in it. Like, we just keep

00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:33.500
stalling them. They'll eventually lose interest

00:20:33.500 --> 00:20:37.440
and we won't do anything. Yeah. Well, it goes

00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:40.079
deeper than that because I've been watching a

00:20:40.079 --> 00:21:12.750
lot of... And, oh, yeah, he covers a lot of people.

00:21:12.769 --> 00:21:17.869
It's ridiculous. And he comes up with actual

00:21:17.869 --> 00:21:22.710
facts, actual news articles, actual, you know,

00:21:22.710 --> 00:21:26.690
people, interviews, and all kinds of stuff. Yeah.

00:21:28.430 --> 00:21:38.990
But, yeah, I'm totally against it. And then I've

00:21:38.990 --> 00:21:43.170
been watching this other guy that he tells what

00:21:43.170 --> 00:21:47.910
it's like to be in prison, you know, as a pedophile.

00:21:47.970 --> 00:21:51.470
And a lot of them don't live within a week. You

00:21:51.470 --> 00:21:53.950
know, a lot of them die. I think it depends on

00:21:53.950 --> 00:21:56.789
the severity of their crimes. You know, like

00:21:56.789 --> 00:21:59.289
if they're like touching a three -year -old,

00:21:59.309 --> 00:22:01.549
they're probably most likely dead within the

00:22:01.549 --> 00:22:04.690
first couple of weeks. Yeah, and I'm not going

00:22:04.690 --> 00:22:11.539
to... Well, I mean, a lot of them meet their

00:22:11.539 --> 00:22:14.480
demise via like a sink top or something, you

00:22:14.480 --> 00:22:20.099
know. A lot of things, yeah. Yeah, because I

00:22:20.099 --> 00:22:22.960
used to build stuff called security wear, and

00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:26.599
that is all stainless steel toilets and drinking

00:22:26.599 --> 00:22:29.440
fountains and all that that go in prisons. Well,

00:22:29.539 --> 00:22:31.640
every now and then, they get someone beat to

00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:33.940
death on one of them. They would either tear

00:22:33.940 --> 00:22:36.279
it out of the wall. because the guy was big and

00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:39.579
strong, or he would take the person's face and

00:22:39.579 --> 00:22:42.599
smash it against the metal until there wasn't

00:22:42.599 --> 00:22:45.700
any life left in him. That was two ways that

00:22:45.700 --> 00:22:48.640
I knew about firsthand, because we had to replace

00:22:48.640 --> 00:22:51.420
those toilets and those drinking bottles. Yeah,

00:22:51.420 --> 00:22:54.619
I'm not going to go in. Do your research if you

00:22:54.619 --> 00:22:57.039
really want to know how it happened. Yeah, yeah.

00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:03.849
Yeah, I'm totally against that. Yeah, and if

00:23:03.849 --> 00:23:06.069
they were convicted of it, and if that's what

00:23:06.069 --> 00:23:08.329
happened, I don't necessarily feel bad for them,

00:23:08.410 --> 00:23:12.650
you know? Right, right. Yeah, so, I mean, but,

00:23:12.809 --> 00:23:15.829
you know, if they didn't do it, and they got

00:23:15.829 --> 00:23:17.730
murdered in such a way, then that's too bad.

00:23:18.049 --> 00:23:22.109
So, anyhow. All right, well, should we take our

00:23:22.109 --> 00:23:23.849
first break, guys, and then we'll come back with

00:23:23.849 --> 00:23:28.670
emails and then some ass paddlings? Sure. Okay.

00:23:28.710 --> 00:23:31.450
Sounds good to me. All righty. We will be...

00:23:31.869 --> 00:23:38.650
Right back. Next up, things overheard in hell.

00:23:39.069 --> 00:23:42.769
Hurry up. Kim Jong -un is playing Santa at the

00:23:42.769 --> 00:23:46.589
mall again this year. Yay. This is Joshua Belmont,

00:23:46.630 --> 00:23:49.809
your food for thought man on The Hustle. Today,

00:23:49.910 --> 00:23:52.789
we need to focus on the genius Franklin Harris

00:23:52.789 --> 00:23:56.569
for inventing the jukebox override. Some dumbass

00:23:56.569 --> 00:23:59.250
puts down a hundred on the Melvins to last all

00:23:59.250 --> 00:24:02.859
night. No worry, thanks to Mr. Harris. Just put

00:24:02.859 --> 00:24:05.440
in a buck a song to override shitty music and

00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:09.200
you can be the hero. Mr. Harris, not many stop

00:24:09.200 --> 00:24:12.299
to admire your fine work, but we do here at Two

00:24:12.299 --> 00:24:15.220
Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank you, Mr. Harris,

00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:19.660
for being a patriotic, great human being. Your

00:24:19.660 --> 00:24:23.279
mama's so fat, she uses Google Earth to take

00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:28.589
a selfie. Hey! all you ginger snaps. It's time

00:24:28.589 --> 00:24:31.210
for the douchebag question of the week. Turn

00:24:31.210 --> 00:24:36.210
all answers into two douches at mail .com. Spell

00:24:36.210 --> 00:24:40.069
out the number two. Send in your replies or Rob

00:24:40.069 --> 00:24:44.269
will find you. He is waiting for the word. Don't

00:24:44.269 --> 00:24:49.849
be bashful. You'll get yourself hurt. What if

00:24:49.849 --> 00:24:53.230
you uncovered and decoded a final warning from

00:24:53.230 --> 00:24:57.619
superior beings from outer space? Would you warn

00:24:57.619 --> 00:25:00.279
the people of their soon -to -be demise? Or would

00:25:00.279 --> 00:25:03.119
people be way too irresponsible and would go

00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:08.539
crazy and preventing you from coming forth? Four

00:25:08.539 --> 00:25:12.240
out of five people surveyed said that teeny douchebags

00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:14.720
in a microphone podcast are more entertaining

00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:18.200
than a gum infection. The fifth one called the

00:25:18.200 --> 00:25:21.420
cops and we had to leave. Hey there, fuckstick.

00:25:21.900 --> 00:25:24.220
You're just in time for brand new feature news

00:25:24.220 --> 00:25:27.740
nobody gives a shit about. A man in Manitoba,

00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:34.039
Canada collects rat traps. He now has 3 ,421.

00:25:37.259 --> 00:25:39.339
Have you ever wondered what something came about?

00:25:39.619 --> 00:25:41.579
Have you ever looked at something and said, Hey,

00:25:41.720 --> 00:25:44.779
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so

00:25:44.779 --> 00:25:48.720
have we. That's why we give you The Origin Of.

00:25:49.519 --> 00:25:54.099
This is the origin of Rob Rant's loincloth. Rob

00:25:54.099 --> 00:25:56.769
used to strip in a nightclub. Called McCox on

00:25:56.769 --> 00:25:59.430
the city's east side, Rob was the only completely

00:25:59.430 --> 00:26:02.170
nude dancer at the club. The other dancers were

00:26:02.170 --> 00:26:04.170
jealous of Rob making all the cash and made him

00:26:04.170 --> 00:26:06.930
use a loincloth to dance with. Rob soon had to

00:26:06.930 --> 00:26:09.329
wear his loincloth daily. He found out that he

00:26:09.329 --> 00:26:11.470
could get out of traffic tickets, sell vinyl

00:26:11.470 --> 00:26:13.789
siding, and pick up hotties at the come and go.

00:26:14.089 --> 00:26:16.390
Rob now wears his loincloth everywhere except

00:26:16.390 --> 00:26:19.809
work. Sparks plus pubic hair equals to bad things.

00:26:27.079 --> 00:26:30.160
Oh Lord, that man just sawed a puppy in half.

00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:33.559
Hey there, don't worry, I have a clown nose.

00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:43.299
Oh no, that drunk guy just hit my child. It is

00:26:43.299 --> 00:26:48.619
okay, I have a clown nose. Clown nose, just put

00:26:48.619 --> 00:26:51.420
one on and you can do anything. Want to run for

00:26:51.420 --> 00:26:54.660
office? Murder people in public? Just grab a

00:26:54.660 --> 00:26:59.359
clown nose. Clown noses are sold at gag stores

00:26:59.359 --> 00:27:01.180
online and pedophile conventions. Grab one today

00:27:01.180 --> 00:27:15.880
and make magic happen. Two douchebags and microphone.

00:27:17.779 --> 00:27:23.440
I'm Mark. Anyhow, we're getting ready to do some

00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:32.390
emails. All right. All right. We're all here.

00:27:33.509 --> 00:27:35.650
I don't know why I did it like that. I apologize,

00:27:35.829 --> 00:27:38.390
guys. I don't know. So, all right. I was waiting

00:27:38.390 --> 00:27:42.349
for our whole intro. No, we didn't do that. I

00:27:42.349 --> 00:27:44.890
kind of figured since there's three of us, why

00:27:44.890 --> 00:27:48.369
do that again? Yeah, yeah, it takes up too much

00:27:48.369 --> 00:27:50.769
time. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. So, anyhow.

00:27:50.970 --> 00:27:54.769
Especially mine. Yeah. Hickamoe's Country Story.

00:27:54.890 --> 00:27:58.450
You can find all your needs. Plus, a selfie with

00:27:58.450 --> 00:28:02.589
a green Sinclair dinosaur, who I just added had

00:28:02.589 --> 00:28:05.490
a huge penis as of last show. He has a giant

00:28:05.490 --> 00:28:17.170
penis. All right, okay. First email. Yeah, I

00:28:17.170 --> 00:28:19.029
would think so. You know what? You're right.

00:28:19.210 --> 00:28:21.750
So, yeah. You know what? That's just common sense.

00:28:30.489 --> 00:28:34.369
There was this old guy I used to work with that

00:28:34.369 --> 00:28:36.190
used to make fun of the union steward all the

00:28:36.190 --> 00:28:38.950
time. This union steward was this big guy, and

00:28:38.950 --> 00:28:41.369
he used to walk up there and go, can you believe

00:28:41.369 --> 00:28:45.569
that big man has such a small penis? He would

00:28:45.569 --> 00:28:50.349
constantly fuck with him. Here he goes, look

00:28:50.349 --> 00:28:52.269
at his arms. He goes, that guy doesn't have a

00:28:52.269 --> 00:28:54.509
dick to save his life. And he'd point down at

00:28:54.509 --> 00:28:59.440
his penis and go, there's nothing there. oh geez

00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:02.559
yeah yeah it was funny it was funny to watch

00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:05.339
unless you were the person getting ridiculed

00:29:05.339 --> 00:29:07.960
him anyhow his name was gary and he got ridiculed

00:29:07.960 --> 00:29:10.880
by the guy a lot and the guy that ridiculed him

00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:13.619
name was bill i didn't say last name doesn't

00:29:13.619 --> 00:29:16.480
fucking matter All right. Actually, one of them's

00:29:16.480 --> 00:29:18.640
dead. The other one, I don't know. All right.

00:29:19.000 --> 00:29:22.359
First email. Hey, guys. I saw an article where

00:29:22.359 --> 00:29:25.960
the simple hand gestures we use day to day might

00:29:25.960 --> 00:29:28.779
have originated from secret code on Epstein Island.

00:29:29.140 --> 00:29:32.079
I saw the heart shape we make out of our fingers

00:29:32.079 --> 00:29:35.799
was used to signify that the person was into

00:29:35.799 --> 00:29:39.079
little girls. What do you think? Rossington in

00:29:39.079 --> 00:29:42.420
Dallas. Ross, thank you. One of our better emails.

00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:45.980
Ross, thank you for one. I looked it up, and

00:29:45.980 --> 00:29:49.420
supposedly that's where it started. I looked

00:29:49.420 --> 00:29:51.640
it up in three different sources. Yeah, the heart

00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:55.599
meant that, hey, I want little girls at my place

00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:57.759
or whatever, you know, wherever they were in

00:29:57.759 --> 00:29:59.900
their shack or wherever they stayed on the island.

00:30:00.119 --> 00:30:03.799
And then the other one, I forgot what it was,

00:30:03.819 --> 00:30:06.819
but it wasn't like a little heart shape. Oh,

00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:11.839
yeah, okay. Yeah, that was, so. that would signify

00:30:11.839 --> 00:30:14.099
they were into little boys. And also they had

00:30:14.099 --> 00:30:16.980
another one that I didn't know about. Hot dogs

00:30:16.980 --> 00:30:21.440
and pizza. Pizza was little girls. Hot dogs was

00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:26.400
you were into little boys. And I read some transcripts.

00:30:26.400 --> 00:30:28.519
That's what they meant by a pizza party. Yes.

00:30:28.660 --> 00:30:33.279
Yeah. Yeah, isn't that fucked up? Yeah, Ross,

00:30:33.500 --> 00:30:37.079
thank you. Ross, you are royalty. He sends the

00:30:37.079 --> 00:30:41.339
best emails, I swear. He is honored. Thank you,

00:30:41.339 --> 00:30:43.359
Ross. You know, that really goes to show that

00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:46.640
the evil hides in plain sight. You know, they

00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:50.140
showed everyone their hand signals and told us

00:30:50.140 --> 00:30:53.519
it meant something else so they could hide in

00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:57.259
plain sight. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that something?

00:30:58.119 --> 00:31:02.440
And then I forgot, we mentioned this on one of

00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:06.630
the podcasts at the City Market, but... You remember

00:31:06.630 --> 00:31:09.509
the movie I did, but they said the greatest accomplishment

00:31:09.509 --> 00:31:13.690
Satan ever did was convincing people that he

00:31:13.690 --> 00:31:17.690
didn't exist. Yeah, I think that was in the movie

00:31:17.690 --> 00:31:21.390
Usual Suspect. That was it, yeah. Actually, that's

00:31:21.390 --> 00:31:23.829
true. Yeah, no, it's true. That's the greatest

00:31:23.829 --> 00:31:28.289
achievement. Yeah, it is true. Well, actually,

00:31:28.390 --> 00:31:30.569
the Mafia did it, too. That's something that's

00:31:30.569 --> 00:31:32.970
been around for a while. Yeah, it has. Right.

00:31:33.329 --> 00:31:36.789
The Mafia did it, too. It doesn't exist. There's

00:31:36.789 --> 00:31:39.809
no such thing. It's made up. They got away with

00:31:39.809 --> 00:31:41.710
it for years, too. And then they finally, you

00:31:41.710 --> 00:31:45.289
know, like you said, tax evasion was their weakness.

00:31:45.430 --> 00:31:47.470
They attacked that, and they got them all in

00:31:47.470 --> 00:31:49.910
prison. And everyone started narcing on each

00:31:49.910 --> 00:31:54.829
other is where it really went awry. Before, people

00:31:54.829 --> 00:31:57.130
would take their sentence, and they would not

00:31:57.130 --> 00:32:01.339
tell. Now... They'll start telling, they'll start

00:32:01.339 --> 00:32:03.619
ratting on people, and that's how come it crumbled

00:32:03.619 --> 00:32:06.039
like it did. It's still around, but not like

00:32:06.039 --> 00:32:09.940
it was. All right, next one. It wasn't just organized

00:32:09.940 --> 00:32:12.900
crime like that. It was everybody started looking

00:32:12.900 --> 00:32:15.339
for themselves and not caring about loyalty.

00:32:15.839 --> 00:32:19.019
Everybody. No, you're right. It is not just organized

00:32:19.019 --> 00:32:20.920
crime. Thank you, Toe, for your right. Yeah,

00:32:21.019 --> 00:32:24.400
it is everything. There's no loyalty in anything

00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:28.480
anymore, and that's part of the problem. Alright,

00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:30.720
since I spilled the beans that you're going to

00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:32.559
be joining us on this podcast, you've got to

00:32:32.559 --> 00:32:37.000
welcome one right here, Topher. Oh, cool. Topher,

00:32:37.019 --> 00:32:38.980
welcome back. We miss you on the Douchebags,

00:32:39.039 --> 00:32:41.559
although the Alternative Universe show was pretty

00:32:41.559 --> 00:32:45.779
solid. Tonya and Burlington. It was solid, wasn't

00:32:45.779 --> 00:32:48.480
it? Oh, that's awesome. It was. It was. I listened

00:32:48.480 --> 00:33:01.180
to it, guys. I really enjoyed it. I did. Well,

00:33:07.099 --> 00:33:09.480
the thing that bothers me is we hardly get any

00:33:09.480 --> 00:33:11.440
for the other two podcasts. They're all geared

00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:15.140
to here, but we have our regulars that email

00:33:15.140 --> 00:33:20.769
us here. This would be a good opportunity for

00:33:20.769 --> 00:33:22.470
them to start emailing about the other ones,

00:33:22.549 --> 00:33:24.490
too. We'd like a little feedback on that. So

00:33:24.490 --> 00:33:27.230
if you could give us creeps and alternative universe

00:33:27.230 --> 00:33:32.069
feedback, please do. Joe and Jane Lister, the

00:33:32.069 --> 00:33:34.269
same one that do the pledge. If they don't give

00:33:34.269 --> 00:33:36.490
us feedback, then we'll just presume we're doing

00:33:36.490 --> 00:33:40.410
it perfectly. You guys don't want that, do you?

00:33:40.509 --> 00:33:43.190
You don't want that. Let us know what we're doing

00:33:43.190 --> 00:33:52.430
wrong. tell them they're doing a great job everybody

00:33:52.430 --> 00:33:58.450
please yeah please all right um the next one

00:33:58.450 --> 00:34:03.369
rob i oh this is good okay rob i have a wheelbarrow

00:34:03.369 --> 00:34:06.430
that needs tack welded on the frame could you

00:34:06.430 --> 00:34:09.150
take it to your work and fix it for me please

00:34:09.150 --> 00:34:11.989
and thank you you're the best alan and camden

00:34:11.989 --> 00:34:27.039
10 There you go, Allen and Camdenton. At least

00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:30.579
they're not asking us for a rigatoni recipe like

00:34:30.579 --> 00:34:35.679
they have been. Or a fender for a 57 Bel Air

00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:38.420
or something. Or what was the funniest one? The

00:34:38.420 --> 00:34:41.599
Gremlin? They wanted a front bumper for a Gremlin?

00:34:41.780 --> 00:34:45.059
Yeah, a fender for a Gremlin. For a Gremlin,

00:34:45.139 --> 00:34:55.570
that was it. Come on down. There you go, Allen

00:34:55.570 --> 00:35:01.090
and Camdenton. We leave at four. We leave at

00:35:01.090 --> 00:35:04.869
four o 'clock. After four, forget it. You better

00:35:04.869 --> 00:35:08.210
get your ass down there, Allen. We're gone. You

00:35:08.210 --> 00:35:13.769
get your wheelbarrow fixed up. Come between 12

00:35:13.769 --> 00:35:17.329
and 1230 when I'm at lunch. I'll do it right

00:35:17.329 --> 00:35:20.909
there and then. Bring beer and weed. I added

00:35:20.909 --> 00:35:28.019
that. Oh, okay. Afterwards. Afterwards. All right,

00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:32.059
next one. Where's the ass paddlings? Bring them

00:35:32.059 --> 00:35:36.559
back, please. Sonny in Maine. Well, Sonny, we

00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:39.699
have a treat for you right after this. And no,

00:35:39.780 --> 00:35:42.719
I did not make this up or nothing. This came

00:35:42.719 --> 00:35:47.139
before, right? No, no, no. Actually, you suggest

00:35:47.139 --> 00:35:50.480
us all doing ass paddlings, Rob, what, a few

00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:54.309
days ago? This came right after that. And I was

00:35:54.309 --> 00:35:57.550
like, wow, what timing. So, yes, Sonny, you're

00:35:57.550 --> 00:36:02.269
in luck. It was after our last episode. Yes.

00:36:02.570 --> 00:36:17.449
Yep. We're each going to have five. We're deviating

00:36:17.449 --> 00:36:19.489
from it a little bit. We're each going to have

00:36:19.489 --> 00:36:21.969
five. So you're getting 15 ass paddlings instead

00:36:21.969 --> 00:36:26.090
of 10. So there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're talking

00:36:26.090 --> 00:36:30.849
about bonus. Yeah. And it's all free. Oh, and

00:36:30.849 --> 00:36:33.590
hey, I've already talked to Jeannie. Jeannie's

00:36:33.590 --> 00:36:37.849
cool with everything. Oh, good, good, good. He's

00:36:37.849 --> 00:36:40.510
just glad to see us together again. Well, maybe

00:36:40.510 --> 00:36:45.090
Topher can... testified to me that when we ran

00:36:45.090 --> 00:36:47.489
into the genie on the beach, we were not holding

00:36:47.489 --> 00:36:49.809
hands like Rob and his brother the Duke said

00:36:49.809 --> 00:36:54.329
we were. Topher? No, we were not. See, I told

00:36:54.329 --> 00:36:58.449
you. All right, next one. Rob? Actually, you

00:36:58.449 --> 00:37:01.050
had one end of a long scarf, and I was holding

00:37:01.050 --> 00:37:03.869
the other end of that long scarf. Yes, that's

00:37:03.869 --> 00:37:10.079
what it was. Oh, by the way, I just thought of

00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:12.980
something since we're talking about possible

00:37:12.980 --> 00:37:17.000
mandates and all that. Okay. I guess, Topher,

00:37:17.059 --> 00:37:22.719
are you still in for WASP in Tulsa with me? Yeah,

00:37:22.739 --> 00:37:25.119
yeah. In fact, Cindy was wondering if we wanted

00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:29.440
to just go as two couples and then you and I

00:37:29.440 --> 00:37:31.880
can go to the concert and the gals can hang back

00:37:31.880 --> 00:37:34.380
and party at the hotel. That's a great idea.

00:37:34.420 --> 00:37:38.750
I like that. Okay. All right, we'll talk about

00:37:38.750 --> 00:37:40.570
that later. The reason I brought it up here is

00:37:40.570 --> 00:37:46.449
Rob. Are you going to join us? No, not lost,

00:37:46.650 --> 00:37:51.929
but I am going to spring for the Triumph and

00:37:51.929 --> 00:37:55.690
April Wine tickets. Okay, they're really, really

00:37:55.690 --> 00:37:59.369
expensive right now. Yeah, for the four of us.

00:37:59.889 --> 00:38:04.150
Okay. Yeah, so you got two concerts coming, buddy.

00:38:04.510 --> 00:38:09.460
Oh, hell yeah. I'd be curious to see how that

00:38:09.460 --> 00:38:15.219
Triumph concert turns out. You see the news stories

00:38:15.219 --> 00:38:16.820
that it's going to be great or whatever, but

00:38:16.820 --> 00:38:18.840
I want to hear from somebody who's actually there.

00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:25.059
Right, right. And yeah, they're pricey. They

00:38:25.059 --> 00:38:35.650
really are. They are pricey. And this was way

00:38:35.650 --> 00:38:39.389
back there. So we'll talk about it later. All

00:38:39.389 --> 00:38:43.150
right. The next one, Rob, could you embroider

00:38:43.150 --> 00:38:46.090
a couple of flying bat suits, please? I want

00:38:46.090 --> 00:38:49.010
to solve crime in my spare time. Mitch, Lake

00:38:49.010 --> 00:38:51.510
Freeman, Massey Creek Division, Volunteer Fire

00:38:51.510 --> 00:39:09.090
District No. 2. Okay, Mitch. You're here all

00:39:09.090 --> 00:39:13.690
the time. I will agree to embroider one. One,

00:39:13.929 --> 00:39:26.610
two, you've got to step it up. Yes, I am. No,

00:39:33.070 --> 00:39:39.150
you do not. For instance, She said never again.

00:39:42.730 --> 00:39:45.829
So there you go, Mitch. You get your flying bat

00:39:45.829 --> 00:39:47.769
suit. Are you going to do it with your feet or

00:39:47.769 --> 00:39:49.489
are you going to do it with your hands? Embroider

00:39:49.489 --> 00:39:55.989
his bat suit. This is Mitch. You never know what

00:39:55.989 --> 00:39:57.690
I'm going to do with it. I'm going to leave it

00:39:57.690 --> 00:39:59.809
right there. There you go, Mitch. You're getting

00:39:59.809 --> 00:40:03.750
one. Just be happy. And then finally, this one's

00:40:03.750 --> 00:40:08.389
cool. I play bass. Does that make me a loser?

00:40:08.949 --> 00:40:12.269
Gabriel in Topeka. I say yes. What do you say?

00:40:13.710 --> 00:40:16.610
Hell no. I love baseball players. I do too, but

00:40:16.610 --> 00:40:18.289
since he asked, I'm going to go ahead and call

00:40:18.289 --> 00:40:21.750
him a loser. Oh, yeah, since he had to ask. Yeah,

00:40:21.789 --> 00:40:24.989
you got a point there. Yep, loser. What's your

00:40:24.989 --> 00:40:38.639
vote, Topher? Okay, I take mine back then. I

00:40:38.639 --> 00:40:48.380
take mine back. Damn it. Gabriel, you've been

00:40:48.380 --> 00:40:50.780
saved. You got a lifeline from Topher. You're

00:40:50.780 --> 00:40:55.880
not a loser. Alright, that's the end of the emails

00:40:55.880 --> 00:40:57.860
and they were pretty fucking good this time,

00:40:57.940 --> 00:41:03.989
weren't they? So, all right, we have this little

00:41:03.989 --> 00:41:10.010
thing we call ass paddlings. So, okay, I got

00:41:10.010 --> 00:41:13.289
to go into the story, and then we can, whoever

00:41:13.289 --> 00:41:14.949
wants to start it off, Kim, we'll go to that

00:41:14.949 --> 00:41:17.610
here in a minute. But this all started, Topher

00:41:17.610 --> 00:41:20.309
and I were on a little mini vacation, and we

00:41:20.309 --> 00:41:22.469
were walking on the beach, not holding hands,

00:41:22.630 --> 00:41:25.769
we're holding a scarf, each end of the scarf.

00:41:26.599 --> 00:41:30.199
And I smacked my toe on something. I'm like,

00:41:30.260 --> 00:41:33.059
ah, fuck. And Topher goes, that looks like a

00:41:33.059 --> 00:41:34.780
genie bottle. And I made fun of him. That's not

00:41:34.780 --> 00:41:36.760
a genie bottle. I walk over there and I go, that's

00:41:36.760 --> 00:41:39.019
a genie bottle. And Topher goes, yeah, no shit.

00:41:39.579 --> 00:41:43.300
So I'm like, hey, pop it open. A genie comes

00:41:43.300 --> 00:41:45.739
out. He hated us. He could not stand us. He was

00:41:45.739 --> 00:41:48.239
very condescending. And Topher and I are like,

00:41:48.380 --> 00:41:50.619
ha -ha, we get three wishes. He goes, no, you

00:41:50.619 --> 00:41:53.500
guys watch way too much TV. He said, you get

00:41:53.500 --> 00:41:57.760
one wish. One wish only. And he said, I'd be

00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:00.440
really wise with it. Like maybe, you know, world

00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:04.340
hunger, solve that. Maybe pollution, end of war.

00:42:05.119 --> 00:42:07.099
But Topher and I looked at each other and we

00:42:07.099 --> 00:42:09.360
said, hey, we want to ass paddle people naked.

00:42:09.460 --> 00:42:12.079
Or not naked, but invisible. But it's got to

00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:15.260
be, you know, bare. Yeah, he could be both. This

00:42:15.260 --> 00:42:20.059
is true. Naked ass paddling. I pray to God that

00:42:20.059 --> 00:42:26.679
Duke hears that. I hope so too. So this is how

00:42:26.679 --> 00:42:29.539
we got indoctrinated into paddling people's asses.

00:42:29.539 --> 00:42:33.219
And then we went into inanimate objects, which

00:42:33.219 --> 00:42:38.219
I have a couple on the list. So this is how it

00:42:38.219 --> 00:42:41.800
all started. And it's Old Sparky is a replica

00:42:41.800 --> 00:42:46.710
of the Cast Midway paddle. that used to be administered

00:42:46.710 --> 00:42:49.690
in my bottom quite often because I was that type

00:42:49.690 --> 00:42:52.869
of a student. You know, I deserve this regularly.

00:42:53.090 --> 00:42:56.730
It had big holes in it and a long stock. And

00:42:56.730 --> 00:42:59.630
the big holes were so that way that old fat fucking

00:42:59.630 --> 00:43:03.769
piece of shit principal, God rest his soul, would

00:43:03.769 --> 00:43:07.530
gather extra air because he had a hard time moving

00:43:07.530 --> 00:43:10.710
his fat fucking hands and his fat arms through

00:43:10.710 --> 00:43:15.460
the air. So he smacked me pretty good with that.

00:43:15.519 --> 00:43:18.500
So this is a replica of Old Sparky that used

00:43:18.500 --> 00:43:20.659
to hang. I don't know if it still does. I haven't

00:43:20.659 --> 00:43:22.960
been there in a while. Cass Midway's trophy case

00:43:22.960 --> 00:43:26.579
next to the football trophies is Old Sparky hanging

00:43:26.579 --> 00:43:32.139
there as a reminder of what was. Yeah, yeah,

00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:34.179
yeah. They were pretty proud of that. And I'm

00:43:34.179 --> 00:43:36.119
pretty sure my... Oh, yeah, yeah. I did have

00:43:36.119 --> 00:43:38.099
to sign it because I had it over three times.

00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:41.559
If you had that administered you over three times,

00:43:41.639 --> 00:43:43.860
you had to sign it. And my name was on there.

00:43:44.500 --> 00:43:50.219
So... Anyhow, who wants... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

00:43:50.320 --> 00:43:53.559
yeah. That... Yeah. Yep. Actually, right now

00:43:53.559 --> 00:43:58.260
my ass is trembling. It remembers. It's like

00:43:58.260 --> 00:44:03.179
it's got PTSD. Oh, I know. All right. So who's

00:44:03.179 --> 00:44:05.260
going to start off said ass paddlings? Go ahead.

00:44:07.860 --> 00:44:13.860
Topher? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,

00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:37.750
one at a time. impossible to buy one and own

00:44:37.750 --> 00:44:39.949
one as a regular driver. I mean, you've got to

00:44:39.949 --> 00:44:42.190
be a rich asshole in order to afford them anymore.

00:44:42.590 --> 00:44:46.449
And Jochen Seitz is responsible for screwing

00:44:46.449 --> 00:44:50.329
up Harley culture, big time. He's gone now, but

00:44:50.329 --> 00:44:53.269
the damage he did remain. Yeah, they'll never

00:44:53.269 --> 00:44:57.250
recover. Yeah, like I said, I listened to that

00:44:57.250 --> 00:45:00.090
episode the other day, so yeah, I agree with

00:45:00.090 --> 00:45:12.139
you. Yep, very good. Alright, Rob? After my dealings

00:45:12.139 --> 00:45:18.380
with them. Yeah, I mean, I did not have a problem

00:45:18.380 --> 00:45:21.179
with them until I tried to drop them. And it

00:45:21.179 --> 00:45:23.539
was only because I could not get service here.

00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:27.219
You know, it was nothing personal, but then I

00:45:27.219 --> 00:45:29.539
ended up paying four months extra because they

00:45:29.539 --> 00:45:34.460
wouldn't drop my service. Yeah, they get an ass

00:45:34.460 --> 00:45:39.099
battle. Hey, how about the Hall of Fame? Hall

00:45:39.099 --> 00:45:42.820
of Fame? Hall of Fame for both of them? Okay.

00:45:44.199 --> 00:45:49.639
All right. All right. Mine is former Prince Andrew.

00:45:49.900 --> 00:45:56.760
As if pedoism isn't enough, now treason? Wow.

00:45:57.500 --> 00:46:02.000
Yeah. Yeah. That is the definition of treason,

00:46:02.000 --> 00:46:06.699
is what he's done. Oh, new guy, after this segment,

00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:10.960
he will explain to you whether former Prince

00:46:10.960 --> 00:46:14.539
Andrew can get the death penalty for treason

00:46:14.539 --> 00:46:18.440
nowadays in the UK. So anyhow, oh, he's already

00:46:18.440 --> 00:46:22.800
grimacing, new guy, fuck you. Oh, oh, if he's

00:46:22.800 --> 00:46:25.340
in a bad mood. He's in a bad mood. He says, not

00:46:25.340 --> 00:46:30.619
against us. Oh, he's over there sulking now.

00:46:30.719 --> 00:46:33.190
He's got to do a little work. All right. All

00:46:33.190 --> 00:46:39.269
right. Go ahead, Topher. Next one. I'd say my

00:46:39.269 --> 00:46:42.590
next ass paddling is for Journey guitar player

00:46:42.590 --> 00:46:47.889
Neil Sean for using a backing track for his solo

00:46:47.889 --> 00:46:51.409
and then lying about it and then not even being

00:46:51.409 --> 00:46:56.630
able to mine his own stupid recorded solo. He

00:46:56.630 --> 00:47:00.130
did such a bad job of miming the recording that

00:47:00.130 --> 00:47:02.489
it just became... really obvious that he was

00:47:02.489 --> 00:47:06.050
playing to a backing track. And, you know, if

00:47:06.050 --> 00:47:08.650
you're going to do that, tell the truth and say,

00:47:08.730 --> 00:47:11.550
all right, backing track, no big deal. But to

00:47:11.550 --> 00:47:16.250
lie about it, yeah, ass paddling. Yep. Agreed,

00:47:16.250 --> 00:47:22.429
100%. That's a very good ass paddling. And everybody

00:47:22.429 --> 00:47:26.090
has to remember, there's all three of us tonight.

00:47:26.570 --> 00:47:35.269
Yeah. I love the way this is going. Yep. Neil's

00:47:35.269 --> 00:47:41.110
ass is going to be burning. Okay, my number two.

00:47:41.469 --> 00:47:44.889
Actually, I've got a double here. Okay. They're

00:47:44.889 --> 00:47:48.869
brothers. Okay, good. I'm going with Jake and

00:47:48.869 --> 00:48:09.719
Logan Paul. Yeah. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. Very,

00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:11.699
very good one. If I don't know how to fight,

00:48:11.880 --> 00:48:15.320
that's why we have to be invisible. Yeah, that

00:48:15.320 --> 00:48:21.539
is why. I agree. Well, my next one is an inanimate

00:48:21.539 --> 00:48:24.179
object, and that's just kind of the weird mood

00:48:24.179 --> 00:48:27.699
I was in when I did this. Old razor blades. Because

00:48:27.699 --> 00:48:31.280
I have a couple of scars on my face because of

00:48:31.280 --> 00:48:35.150
that. So old razor blades getting ass paddling,

00:48:35.210 --> 00:48:38.949
and I'm putting them in the Hall of Fame. Oh,

00:48:38.969 --> 00:48:42.289
yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep, they deserve it. It's not

00:48:42.289 --> 00:48:43.769
fair that you can look at them and you can't

00:48:43.769 --> 00:48:45.329
tell that they're dull. You have to actually

00:48:45.329 --> 00:48:48.210
start slicing your face off. Exactly. Right.

00:48:48.409 --> 00:48:51.289
That's exactly what I did. I sliced my face off.

00:48:51.369 --> 00:48:56.539
I did that just last night. I did. Oh, man. And

00:48:56.539 --> 00:48:58.380
it doesn't matter how much shaving cream you

00:48:58.380 --> 00:49:00.960
use. It does not matter. It still just fucking

00:49:00.960 --> 00:49:14.360
murders your face. All right. Topher? Let's see.

00:49:14.460 --> 00:49:18.260
My next one is the actor, Noah Wiley. He's got

00:49:18.260 --> 00:49:26.429
this show out called The Pits. But apparently

00:49:26.429 --> 00:49:29.730
he's being such a total prick on the show that

00:49:29.730 --> 00:49:32.090
other actors and members of the crew are risking

00:49:32.090 --> 00:49:34.829
their own jobs and income to tell people what

00:49:34.829 --> 00:49:40.650
a childish, demanding prima donna he is and nobody

00:49:40.650 --> 00:49:44.170
can stand him anymore. That's got to be pretty

00:49:44.170 --> 00:49:46.449
bad if you're starting to tell people and risk

00:49:46.449 --> 00:49:49.650
your own job on the show or risk the show being

00:49:49.650 --> 00:49:57.570
canceled or whatever. They're sick of him. Good

00:49:57.570 --> 00:50:04.789
one. Good one. Alright, my next one. Yeah, he

00:50:04.789 --> 00:50:11.489
does. Yeah. Okay, my next one is Bad Bunny for

00:50:11.489 --> 00:50:16.170
his halftime show. Oh, yeah. Love it. Love it.

00:50:16.250 --> 00:50:23.710
Gotta go there, guys. Okay. Yep, I agree. 100%.

00:50:23.710 --> 00:50:28.650
And also, We could even put like some Spanish

00:50:28.650 --> 00:50:32.110
writing on old Sparky, right? Like, ouch, this

00:50:32.110 --> 00:50:35.769
is going to hurt or something. Get the Spanish

00:50:35.769 --> 00:50:37.869
teacher to write something on there. Or this

00:50:37.869 --> 00:50:40.510
isn't the first time your bottom was impacted.

00:50:40.570 --> 00:50:44.250
Or do they have a Spanish teacher? That would

00:50:44.250 --> 00:50:49.449
work. Your bottom is used to getting jolted.

00:50:49.449 --> 00:50:55.440
We know this. All right. My next one is socks

00:50:55.440 --> 00:50:57.900
that you only have one of. I just had to go through

00:50:57.900 --> 00:51:01.880
my drawer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, every fucking one

00:51:01.880 --> 00:51:04.519
I'm getting ass paddling. There's no reason the

00:51:04.519 --> 00:51:10.000
other one should have disappeared. Yeah. Yep.

00:51:10.579 --> 00:51:13.099
You put them in there together, they shouldn't

00:51:13.099 --> 00:51:15.900
come back. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, is it God

00:51:15.900 --> 00:51:23.619
playing a trick on us? Yes. Where is that little

00:51:23.619 --> 00:51:29.579
bastard? As soon as I throw them away, the other

00:51:29.579 --> 00:51:32.639
one. I was going to say, you should be able to

00:51:32.639 --> 00:51:35.559
take five or six unmatched socks, throw them

00:51:35.559 --> 00:51:38.960
in the dryer, and take out one new pair of underwear

00:51:38.960 --> 00:51:43.559
or something. Yes. Exchange it. Yeah. I'm for

00:51:43.559 --> 00:51:47.219
that. I could go for that. That would work. Yeah.

00:51:49.559 --> 00:51:56.099
All right. Topher? Yeah, all right. Well, I'm

00:51:56.099 --> 00:51:59.199
going to nominate Nick Mars because he made such

00:51:59.199 --> 00:52:01.300
a big deal about the lawsuit against Montgomery.

00:52:01.320 --> 00:52:03.699
Oh, yeah. He scratched their name and reputation,

00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:06.599
and then it wound up being totally his own fault.

00:52:06.699 --> 00:52:10.400
He was totally in the wrong. And he's also robbed

00:52:10.400 --> 00:52:13.099
us of the joy of hating on Nicky and Tommy Lee.

00:52:13.380 --> 00:52:16.440
That's my biggest issue is I can't hate on those

00:52:16.440 --> 00:52:21.159
two over that. Yeah. Yeah, we were so in McMars.

00:52:21.900 --> 00:52:27.920
Yep. Yep, I know, they were right. Yep. Yeah.

00:52:28.119 --> 00:52:31.800
It's a shame. It is a shame because Nicky and

00:52:31.800 --> 00:52:37.300
Tommy lend quite of an assortment of areas where

00:52:37.300 --> 00:52:40.159
we can make fun of them, but on this one we can't

00:52:40.159 --> 00:52:44.460
because I think McMars might be going senile

00:52:44.460 --> 00:52:57.719
or something. Oh, yeah, and I also... Oh, go

00:52:57.719 --> 00:53:00.639
ahead. I was going to say, earlier today I saw

00:53:00.639 --> 00:53:05.440
a story from like a year or two ago about it,

00:53:05.480 --> 00:53:09.460
and early on in the process, Motley Crue's only

00:53:09.460 --> 00:53:14.179
comment was that Mick Mars was delusional, and

00:53:14.179 --> 00:53:19.519
it seems like he really was, because the contract

00:53:19.519 --> 00:53:23.099
he signed is his own clause that he wanted to

00:53:23.099 --> 00:53:27.199
put in. he got on the wrong end of it but there

00:53:27.199 --> 00:53:30.219
you go yeah that's what that's what led me to

00:53:30.219 --> 00:53:34.300
think that maybe he's senile um he might have

00:53:34.300 --> 00:53:37.139
signed it with a good mind but then later on

00:53:37.139 --> 00:53:39.340
a few years later he didn't have a good mind

00:53:39.340 --> 00:53:43.460
and he breached it so yeah pretty interesting

00:53:43.460 --> 00:53:47.019
stuff and also i think mcmars might be running

00:53:47.019 --> 00:53:50.440
out of money too actually Because he's had like

00:53:50.440 --> 00:53:53.719
three or four divorces and a lot of legal proceedings.

00:53:54.039 --> 00:53:56.139
And it seemed to me like that might have been

00:53:56.139 --> 00:54:02.159
a desperate claw to get money. Well, just paying

00:54:02.159 --> 00:54:06.039
the lawyers for that lawsuit alone. Yeah. Yeah.

00:54:07.119 --> 00:54:16.489
That wasn't cheap. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. And

00:54:16.489 --> 00:54:19.530
it's too bad, too, because I'm still a Mick Mars

00:54:19.530 --> 00:54:23.570
fan, but not... I mean... Yeah, I'll always be

00:54:23.570 --> 00:54:26.769
a fan of his music. Yeah, I love this guitar,

00:54:26.849 --> 00:54:29.809
and he was just so... He's kind of like Malcolm

00:54:29.809 --> 00:54:32.389
Young. He wasn't anything special, but everything

00:54:32.389 --> 00:54:37.190
he did sounded so good. Right. Yeah, so... You

00:54:37.190 --> 00:54:40.070
know, I'm guessing that even on a 5 % income

00:54:40.070 --> 00:54:44.909
instead of 25%, I'm betting he... middle -class

00:54:44.909 --> 00:54:47.190
life it's not like he's going to be in a cardboard

00:54:47.190 --> 00:54:50.829
box scraping in dumpsters yeah no no i i agree

00:54:50.829 --> 00:54:53.110
with that i just think that he's accustomed to

00:54:53.110 --> 00:54:56.309
his uh lifestyle and he wants to keep i this

00:54:56.309 --> 00:54:59.150
is just me thinking looking at it from a surface

00:54:59.150 --> 00:55:01.110
i think he might have been trying to get a little

00:55:01.110 --> 00:55:05.010
bit more money out of the cash cow right yeah

00:55:05.010 --> 00:55:22.590
so anyhow all right rob I agree. Seriously. I

00:55:22.590 --> 00:55:52.920
mean, come on. Makes sense, Rob. I figured we'd

00:55:52.920 --> 00:55:54.659
want something to talk about on the podcast.

00:55:56.340 --> 00:55:59.679
Well, I had nothing to talk about on the podcast

00:55:59.679 --> 00:56:02.420
because I couldn't understand a word he said.

00:56:03.679 --> 00:56:08.000
I remember that, too. Yeah. It was like, I don't

00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:09.739
know what to say. I didn't understand a fucking

00:56:09.739 --> 00:56:14.219
word. Well... Yeah, I begged my cousin to allow

00:56:14.219 --> 00:56:21.090
me to watch it on his TV. Just that. Well, I

00:56:21.090 --> 00:56:24.309
never did catch the ratings. Why? Why did I make

00:56:24.309 --> 00:56:27.710
it? I thought it was interesting that the NFL

00:56:27.710 --> 00:56:30.849
decided to, instead of having a halftime show

00:56:30.849 --> 00:56:33.250
that was in the language only part of the audience

00:56:33.250 --> 00:56:36.110
understood, they decided to have it in a different

00:56:36.110 --> 00:56:38.449
language that only part of the audience understood.

00:56:40.090 --> 00:56:43.530
Good point. What did they accomplish? Nothing.

00:56:44.349 --> 00:56:48.010
They accomplished pissing off Joe Phan. The average

00:56:48.010 --> 00:56:54.179
fan is mad. To be honest, guys, I'm tired of

00:56:54.179 --> 00:56:57.539
the hip -hop scene. I want to see some rock.

00:56:57.639 --> 00:57:00.980
I want to see some country. Let's get a mix up

00:57:00.980 --> 00:57:04.159
there, you know? And a lot of people are begging

00:57:04.159 --> 00:57:06.599
for that. If nothing, how about half and half?

00:57:06.639 --> 00:57:10.699
How about half and half? You can have half hip

00:57:10.699 --> 00:57:15.059
-hop, half rock, half country, half rock. Exactly.

00:57:15.280 --> 00:57:26.110
Yeah. Yeah, true. Good boy. Good boy. Yep. Well,

00:57:26.210 --> 00:57:29.110
I want to know how the alternative halftime shows.

00:57:29.250 --> 00:57:31.250
I never did see anything about the ratings. How

00:57:31.250 --> 00:57:34.769
well did they do? Were they a success? Were they

00:57:34.769 --> 00:57:39.070
a failure? Or were they, meh? It was one of the

00:57:39.070 --> 00:57:43.309
lowest rated ones in recent times. And I think

00:57:43.309 --> 00:57:46.070
that was part of the reason why the NFL couldn't

00:57:46.070 --> 00:57:51.719
wait to announce that. Miley Cyrus. They were

00:57:51.719 --> 00:57:54.619
still well into the season, but the ratings were

00:57:54.619 --> 00:57:57.599
so bad, they wanted to get the word out while

00:57:57.599 --> 00:57:59.760
people were still thinking about the halftime

00:57:59.760 --> 00:58:04.739
show. Like I said, guys, another hip -hop. Another.

00:58:05.039 --> 00:58:11.059
It's a different genre. Well, I think what the

00:58:11.059 --> 00:58:14.280
main fallout from this is going to be the alternate

00:58:14.280 --> 00:58:17.079
halftime shows are going to explode. And I think

00:58:17.079 --> 00:58:19.019
a lot of advertising dollars are going to go

00:58:19.019 --> 00:58:22.860
there. And the NFL is going to be left with not

00:58:22.860 --> 00:58:25.099
so much income for their halftime commercials.

00:58:26.300 --> 00:58:29.760
Yeah. Yeah. Nope, I agree. And also another thing

00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:33.119
is this is kind of what TV done to us too. TV

00:58:33.119 --> 00:58:40.320
started using younger music to sell their product.

00:58:40.440 --> 00:58:42.340
And now what are they all doing? They're going

00:58:42.340 --> 00:58:45.519
back to classic rock. Any type of a truck or

00:58:45.519 --> 00:58:49.949
a vehicle? Yeah, Youngblood would be fine. I

00:58:49.949 --> 00:58:52.429
like Youngblood. He's interesting. I like him.

00:58:52.449 --> 00:58:57.389
He's got talent. I like it, too. All right, my

00:58:57.389 --> 00:59:00.750
next one is one -ply toilet paper gets an ass

00:59:00.750 --> 00:59:05.190
paddling. Oh, yeah. Yeah, can we all be on board

00:59:05.190 --> 00:59:09.809
with that? You can't. Our hands will go through

00:59:09.809 --> 00:59:13.949
it. Yeah, this is true. Okay, how about if I

00:59:13.949 --> 00:59:16.260
just spray it down with water? and it'll dissolve.

00:59:16.519 --> 00:59:19.300
Fly swatter. Fly swatter. There we go. We do

00:59:19.300 --> 00:59:22.659
it with a fly swatter. Okay. Okay, that'll work.

00:59:27.260 --> 00:59:30.539
Oh, gosh. When I sold my arm... You gotta be

00:59:30.539 --> 00:59:33.960
on your toes with him some nights, Topher. Okay.

00:59:34.519 --> 00:59:40.679
He gets tired at night. Yep. Topher, you said

00:59:40.679 --> 00:59:52.340
something... Oh, okay. When I sold my RV, I still

00:59:52.340 --> 00:59:56.639
had a case of one -ply toilet paper. I didn't

00:59:56.639 --> 00:59:59.219
want to just throw it away. I ended up using

00:59:59.219 --> 01:00:01.780
it, trying to use it up, and holy cow, I'm glad

01:00:01.780 --> 01:00:06.460
that stuff is gone. Put it in your gas bathroom.

01:00:06.699 --> 01:00:09.119
You didn't smell your fingers for a while, right?

01:00:10.659 --> 01:00:13.539
I wanted to go out and get some of those surgical

01:00:13.539 --> 01:00:24.119
gloves to wear while I used it. Oh, good point.

01:00:24.679 --> 01:00:27.400
Good point, Rob. That's using your noggin there,

01:00:27.539 --> 01:00:33.320
yeah. Soaked the whole roll in scented oil and

01:00:33.320 --> 01:00:36.860
light it as a festive candle. Ah, yeah. Or during

01:00:36.860 --> 01:00:41.659
the year 2020, you could have sold that. It didn't

01:00:41.659 --> 01:00:45.119
matter if it was one ply. Oh, yeah, hell. Yeah,

01:00:45.679 --> 01:00:48.800
GP and ain't even good with single ply. You got

01:00:48.800 --> 01:00:50.719
to have double ply. No, it doesn't have enough

01:00:50.719 --> 01:00:53.280
weight. You can't throw it over a tree. I tried

01:00:53.280 --> 01:00:55.820
that before. It just rips. Yeah. It just tears

01:00:55.820 --> 01:00:59.219
off and you leave little tiny pieces. Yeah. Yeah.

01:00:59.440 --> 01:01:02.219
It sucks for that. Okay, guys. We got one more.

01:01:02.440 --> 01:01:07.340
Oh, yeah, yeah. Is it my turn? Yeah. Yep. Yes.

01:01:08.179 --> 01:01:12.039
Okay. I'm going to give an ass paddling to the

01:01:12.039 --> 01:01:16.199
technology of personalized commercials. Because

01:01:16.199 --> 01:01:19.239
I'm watching TV and it seems like every single

01:01:19.239 --> 01:01:22.099
commercial break, I see the same commercial over

01:01:22.099 --> 01:01:24.000
and over. over and if i change channel and change

01:01:24.000 --> 01:01:26.900
back the commercial goes away and the other one

01:01:26.900 --> 01:01:29.099
that was supposed to be there shows up so they're

01:01:29.099 --> 01:01:32.179
overlaying these personalized commercials and

01:01:32.179 --> 01:01:35.119
i get the same ones over and over and over and

01:01:35.119 --> 01:01:38.679
i'm really sick and tired of seeing them yeah

01:01:38.679 --> 01:01:40.800
i don't understand why i'm getting this commercial

01:01:40.800 --> 01:01:43.760
it's a commercial for a medication for lupus

01:01:43.760 --> 01:01:48.769
i don't have lupus I don't know anybody who has

01:01:48.769 --> 01:01:51.909
lupus. Why am I getting this commercial relentlessly?

01:01:52.530 --> 01:01:56.670
I don't get it. Oh, I know the feeling. Wow.

01:01:56.809 --> 01:02:02.110
I know the feeling, yeah. I mean, yeah, that

01:02:02.110 --> 01:02:05.210
is an odd thing to get. Is that the only people

01:02:05.210 --> 01:02:07.730
that would pay them to insert that commercial

01:02:07.730 --> 01:02:13.309
in? I don't know. Yeah, maybe. But seriously,

01:02:13.690 --> 01:02:19.449
lupus strikes women more. and I'm sure that whoever

01:02:19.449 --> 01:02:23.030
and whatever is deciding what commercials I get

01:02:23.030 --> 01:02:27.849
knows that I'm a dude so why am I getting I don't

01:02:27.849 --> 01:02:46.920
know there has to be something there yeah Yeah.

01:02:47.559 --> 01:02:50.139
That's weird. Once in a while, I can see a blank

01:02:50.139 --> 01:02:53.619
space. I've noticed that primarily during pre

01:02:53.619 --> 01:02:56.219
-season Chiefs football games, they'll go to

01:02:56.219 --> 01:02:58.599
a commercial break, and they'll have one or two

01:02:58.599 --> 01:03:01.400
commercials, and then it'll just be an image

01:03:01.400 --> 01:03:04.099
saying, we're on a commercial break, we'll be

01:03:04.099 --> 01:03:07.099
right back. Yeah, I've had that. Nobody wanted

01:03:07.099 --> 01:03:10.420
to advertise to me. Absolutely nobody wanted

01:03:10.420 --> 01:03:16.119
to advertise to me during that spot. That's crazy.

01:03:16.420 --> 01:03:24.980
Yeah, that is. All right, Rob? Okay, my last

01:03:24.980 --> 01:03:30.559
one. I'm going off our last podcast again. Okay.

01:03:30.619 --> 01:03:33.960
And this one, we definitely want to be invisible.

01:03:35.340 --> 01:03:41.199
Okay. I want to get Shia LaBeouf. Oh, yeah, Shia

01:03:41.199 --> 01:03:46.789
LaBeouf or whatever. That sounds good. Good.

01:03:46.869 --> 01:03:48.610
And I'm glad we're invisible. We've got to be

01:03:48.610 --> 01:03:51.389
invisible because he won't put up a fight. That's

01:03:51.389 --> 01:03:54.590
right. All right. The three of us invisible ought

01:03:54.590 --> 01:03:57.530
to be able to paddle him pretty good. What do

01:03:57.530 --> 01:04:00.829
you think? Yeah. I think so. We've got to be

01:04:00.829 --> 01:04:04.110
invisible. Definitely. Yep. If nothing else,

01:04:04.210 --> 01:04:06.369
I mean, we could conjure up Biggin through a

01:04:06.369 --> 01:04:12.949
seance and have him nut bite him. Yeah. Yeah,

01:04:12.949 --> 01:04:15.889
that wouldn't be bad, right? If we could get

01:04:15.889 --> 01:04:18.550
Biggin to come back in spirit and bite Shia LaBeouf's

01:04:18.550 --> 01:04:23.530
nut sack? Okay, now, if you know Wednesday night,

01:04:23.670 --> 01:04:26.690
you're going to have to describe who Biggin is

01:04:26.690 --> 01:04:30.269
again. Oh, yeah, that's right. We'll do that

01:04:30.269 --> 01:04:33.869
Wednesday night. Okay, if I can find the Biggin

01:04:33.869 --> 01:04:36.809
segment, I will insert it right after this. After

01:04:36.809 --> 01:04:41.510
New Guy bitches about us and tells about Prince.

01:04:42.010 --> 01:04:44.349
Former Prince Andrew. All right, and then my

01:04:44.349 --> 01:04:48.130
final one is all 31 NFL teams except the Chiefs,

01:04:48.130 --> 01:04:51.050
who is number 32. Everyone, I'm getting ass paddling.

01:04:51.590 --> 01:04:56.989
Agreed? Yep. Yep. All right, okay. We are going

01:04:56.989 --> 01:04:59.710
to be right back with more garbage, so don't

01:04:59.710 --> 01:05:01.650
go anywhere. You're going to love it. You're

01:05:01.650 --> 01:05:04.769
going to love it. It's guaranteed. If you don't

01:05:04.769 --> 01:05:06.630
like it, you get your money back right then.

01:05:08.489 --> 01:05:15.889
Right? Yep. Yep. And also, you're also going

01:05:15.889 --> 01:05:17.869
to have, during this program, you're going to

01:05:17.869 --> 01:05:20.170
have a chance to have dinner with all of us.

01:05:20.269 --> 01:05:24.489
Okay? Oh. Yes. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

01:05:24.550 --> 01:05:27.110
Yes. Yep. Dinner with the douches is what we

01:05:27.110 --> 01:05:30.449
call it. So, all right. You will find all about

01:05:30.449 --> 01:05:33.610
all that exciting stuff while we're taking a

01:05:33.610 --> 01:05:43.460
break. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. So,

01:05:43.579 --> 01:05:46.980
I order spaghetti and meatballs. My meatballs

01:05:46.980 --> 01:05:49.360
automatically fall apart as soon as I touch them.

01:05:49.739 --> 01:05:53.280
So then, does my dish automatically change its

01:05:53.280 --> 01:05:57.500
name to spaghetti and meat sauce? Hmm. I may

01:05:57.500 --> 01:06:04.199
never know. Have you ever wondered what something

01:06:04.199 --> 01:06:06.619
is about? Have you ever looked at something and

01:06:06.619 --> 01:06:08.900
said, Hmm, I wonder what the origin of that is?

01:06:09.440 --> 01:06:13.170
Well, so have we. That's why we give you... The

01:06:13.170 --> 01:06:16.510
origin of... The Coca -Cola Company introduced

01:06:16.510 --> 01:06:21.550
Pepo, marketed as a pepper -type soda. In early

01:06:21.550 --> 01:06:26.090
1972, the beverage, then only sold in Memphis,

01:06:26.190 --> 01:06:29.590
Tennessee market, drew ire from the Dr. Pepper

01:06:29.590 --> 01:06:33.429
Company. Who sued the Coca -Cola Company for

01:06:33.429 --> 01:06:36.889
trademark infringement? In June of that year,

01:06:36.989 --> 01:06:40.429
as the litigation continued, Coca -Cola modified

01:06:40.429 --> 01:06:44.599
the Pepo formula. and reintroduced it as Mr.

01:06:44.699 --> 01:06:48.519
Pibb. The new makeover was marketed as a spicy

01:06:48.519 --> 01:06:53.139
cherry cola and not a pepper -type drink. The

01:06:53.139 --> 01:06:57.000
new formula was sold primarily in Coke soda fountains,

01:06:57.019 --> 01:07:00.760
but was soon bottled and sold with most of the

01:07:00.760 --> 01:07:05.360
Coke products. Today, Mr. Pibb was reintroduced

01:07:05.360 --> 01:07:09.320
after it was rebranded Pibb Extra in the early

01:07:09.320 --> 01:07:14.030
2000s. People often ask, how do we cram so much

01:07:14.030 --> 01:07:16.789
funny into one little show? Well, it's simple.

01:07:16.909 --> 01:07:21.030
We buy funny in bulk on the Internet. Hey, Mark,

01:07:21.230 --> 01:07:23.289
you're wanted at the front door. There's a big

01:07:23.289 --> 01:07:26.710
bag of funny they need you to sign for. Okay,

01:07:26.750 --> 01:07:28.590
thanks a lot. I'll be right there. I'm still

01:07:28.590 --> 01:07:30.349
sorting out the funny we got from yesterday.

01:07:31.090 --> 01:07:33.590
There's your answer. We buy funny in bulk on

01:07:33.590 --> 01:07:37.130
the Internet. Two douchebags and microphone in

01:07:37.130 --> 01:07:40.260
an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

01:07:40.260 --> 01:07:47.559
you first world problems. Oh, shit. Look at that

01:07:47.559 --> 01:07:51.480
drive -thru wine. Surely we don't expect me to

01:07:51.480 --> 01:07:59.500
actually have to go in. This sucks. Hey, my fellow

01:07:59.500 --> 01:08:03.420
heavy breeders. This is Dash Riptide. Your music

01:08:03.420 --> 01:08:09.380
news. Metal band Slayer. Fans unite. Your boys

01:08:09.380 --> 01:08:13.019
and Slayer have a new hot sauce named Rain and

01:08:13.019 --> 01:08:16.220
Blood. This sauce's heat meter is off the hook.

01:08:16.359 --> 01:08:20.420
So use with caution, or be a dick, and put it

01:08:20.420 --> 01:08:24.739
on your buddy's sandwich. Maybe not. This is

01:08:24.739 --> 01:08:28.420
Gash Riptine, and that was your music news. If

01:08:28.420 --> 01:08:30.600
it's too loud, you probably have ear damage,

01:08:30.720 --> 01:08:35.189
just like me. Hello, this is the new guy, and

01:08:35.189 --> 01:08:39.710
these two, well, actually three now, these three

01:08:39.710 --> 01:08:43.449
dimwits want me to explain the former Prince

01:08:43.449 --> 01:08:47.510
Andrew's possible punishment by his newest charges,

01:08:47.689 --> 01:08:52.310
allegedly, and all that good bullshit. Former

01:08:52.310 --> 01:08:54.770
Prince Andrew cannot receive the death penalty,

01:08:55.010 --> 01:08:58.649
unfortunately. The maximum punishment for high

01:08:58.649 --> 01:09:01.659
treason in the UK is life imprisonment. While

01:09:01.659 --> 01:09:04.579
historically punishable by brutal execution,

01:09:04.960 --> 01:09:07.399
hanging, drying, or in quartering, the death

01:09:07.399 --> 01:09:09.720
penalty for treason was officially abolished

01:09:09.720 --> 01:09:15.600
by the Crime and Disorder Act of 1998. So, there

01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:19.119
you go, and maybe these two, three, maybe these

01:09:19.119 --> 01:09:21.140
three dimwits will leave me the fuck alone now.

01:09:21.979 --> 01:09:27.399
Bye. Win dinner with the douchebags. That's right,

01:09:27.399 --> 01:09:31.060
you can sit down and eat with the douches. Our

01:09:31.060 --> 01:09:34.399
contest is simple. Just grab a TV dinner. Your

01:09:34.399 --> 01:09:37.779
choice. Banquet, Stouffer's, or whatever. Heat

01:09:37.779 --> 01:09:40.779
up your dinner. Turn on your Bluetooth and crank

01:09:40.779 --> 01:09:43.100
up two douchebags and a microphone, and bam,

01:09:43.340 --> 01:09:46.039
you're a winner. See the webpage for official

01:09:46.039 --> 01:09:49.260
contest rules. Only one entry per day, per person.

01:09:49.560 --> 01:10:02.039
No cheating. Two douchebags, microphone on Mark

01:10:02.039 --> 01:10:04.100
here in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap

01:10:04.100 --> 01:10:09.880
studio. And I am Rob at Wheatland, Missouri,

01:10:10.220 --> 01:10:13.560
home of the Lucas Oil Speedway and Watertrack,

01:10:13.619 --> 01:10:17.060
and also home of Ikemo Country Store, where you

01:10:17.060 --> 01:10:19.060
can find all you need, including a selfie with

01:10:19.060 --> 01:10:22.199
the green Sinclair dinosaur, and the Duck Blind

01:10:22.199 --> 01:10:24.779
studio. With a huge penis. I'm trying to hurry,

01:10:24.880 --> 01:10:27.539
guys. I've got to hurry, too. With a huge penis.

01:10:28.489 --> 01:10:32.430
Dino has a huge penis. Yes. Oh, he does. Yep.

01:10:33.430 --> 01:10:37.789
All right. And I'm Topher, just south of beautiful

01:10:37.789 --> 01:10:41.949
Waldo, Missouri, in the Paisley Possum studio

01:10:41.949 --> 01:10:46.270
that is mostly spider -free and actually starting

01:10:46.270 --> 01:10:49.210
to get above the temperature of freezing. Oh,

01:10:49.229 --> 01:10:51.609
that's nice. My coffee is starting to thaw out.

01:10:53.890 --> 01:10:56.449
Topher, I know that. Like I said, I'm up here.

01:11:00.180 --> 01:11:04.699
I'm not going to rub it in. I'm not going to

01:11:04.699 --> 01:11:09.819
rub it in. It's nice and warm here in the Talk

01:11:09.819 --> 01:11:13.239
is Cheap studio. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry.

01:11:13.619 --> 01:11:15.960
I'm sorry. All right. Who's got a story they

01:11:15.960 --> 01:11:20.399
want to go into? Anybody? Any takers? Go for

01:11:20.399 --> 01:11:24.979
it. Go for it. All righty. I was looking up.

01:11:24.979 --> 01:11:27.100
This is the story I mentioned earlier that changed

01:11:27.100 --> 01:11:30.949
on me. The story is about. Seven workers, including

01:11:30.949 --> 01:11:33.510
two primary suspects, are at the center of the

01:11:33.510 --> 01:11:38.630
stadium vandalism investigation. The Bills' new

01:11:38.630 --> 01:11:42.710
stadium in Orchard Park was vandalized and graffiti

01:11:42.710 --> 01:11:46.189
applied in some manner. I don't know, it was

01:11:46.189 --> 01:11:49.590
probably spray -painted. But they stopped construction

01:11:49.590 --> 01:11:53.470
for a while, and there are seven people that

01:11:53.470 --> 01:11:56.609
believe were involved, and the two primary suspects,

01:11:56.789 --> 01:11:59.649
and all of them... were people who were working

01:11:59.649 --> 01:12:03.430
on the construction of the stadium. Wow. Isn't

01:12:03.430 --> 01:12:07.050
that weird? Yeah. And that's the part they removed

01:12:07.050 --> 01:12:11.149
from the story is that the seven people were

01:12:11.149 --> 01:12:14.329
employed and were construction workers on the

01:12:14.329 --> 01:12:16.409
stadium. That part's missing from the way the

01:12:16.409 --> 01:12:20.810
story looks now. They were Chiefs fans. That

01:12:20.810 --> 01:12:25.869
was it. They were Chiefs fans. That's why they

01:12:25.869 --> 01:12:37.439
changed the story. Instead of just the main stadium,

01:12:37.560 --> 01:12:39.880
they focused on these luxury suites. So maybe

01:12:39.880 --> 01:12:41.939
they know whose luxury suites they were going

01:12:41.939 --> 01:12:45.399
to be. Oh, that could be. Yeah, that brings a

01:12:45.399 --> 01:12:51.220
different story to it there. Yeah. Wow. Okay,

01:12:51.960 --> 01:12:56.220
so like it was workers there, right? That's what

01:12:56.220 --> 01:12:58.340
you're saying? Yep. Okay. That's what they're

01:12:58.340 --> 01:13:00.520
saying now. Because they went out of their way

01:13:00.520 --> 01:13:02.720
to say this is the action of a very small number

01:13:02.720 --> 01:13:05.100
of individuals and does not reflect the values.

01:13:05.430 --> 01:13:08.390
conduct of the approximately 8 ,000 people who

01:13:08.390 --> 01:13:11.529
have worked on this project to date. Yeah, that

01:13:11.529 --> 01:13:16.270
was just employees. Yeah, so bad. But they took

01:13:16.270 --> 01:13:18.189
out the part where they said it was employees

01:13:18.189 --> 01:13:21.210
and said they left this just reference to it.

01:13:21.829 --> 01:13:25.350
In other words, it was probably contractors,

01:13:25.810 --> 01:13:31.210
people contracting. Yeah. Yeah, probably so.

01:13:31.550 --> 01:13:34.979
And I'll bet you they were told. They were told

01:13:34.979 --> 01:13:43.819
to edit that. Yeah. Wow. Hmm. All right. Thank

01:13:43.819 --> 01:13:47.680
you, Topher. Rob, you got something? Yeah, you

01:13:47.680 --> 01:13:56.439
know I do. Okay. I don't know. I'm going on Bruce

01:13:56.439 --> 01:14:08.279
Springsteen again, guys. Okay. Good. The way

01:14:08.279 --> 01:14:15.659
they talk about him. The New York Post? The New

01:14:15.659 --> 01:14:20.539
York Post doesn't like him? Well, this story

01:14:20.539 --> 01:14:22.880
that I'm getting ready to read is out of the

01:14:22.880 --> 01:14:25.560
New York Post and wait till you hear what they

01:14:25.560 --> 01:14:29.180
got to say. That's cool with me. Go ahead. Pretty

01:14:29.180 --> 01:15:10.859
much the same thing we've been saying. Okay.

01:15:11.279 --> 01:15:16.359
Calvary's coming. Okay. The Calvary's promising.

01:15:16.939 --> 01:15:22.939
Yeah. The Calvary's promising is a boomer, no

01:15:22.939 --> 01:15:30.359
kings protest. But instead of being gratis like

01:15:30.359 --> 01:15:34.920
most demonstrations, one will have to pay through

01:15:34.920 --> 01:15:38.659
the nose to get into arena doors. Of course.

01:15:39.520 --> 01:15:48.279
Of course. And then it goes on to say, don't

01:15:48.279 --> 01:15:50.939
believe me? That's what I said. This is in the

01:15:50.939 --> 01:15:56.180
New York Post. It said, don't believe me? Springsteen

01:15:56.180 --> 01:16:00.579
slapped No King Slop all over his posters. And

01:16:00.579 --> 01:16:03.739
that video wasn't a call for rock and roll communion.

01:16:04.079 --> 01:17:36.630
It was a partisan rallying cry. Thank you. Thank

01:17:36.630 --> 01:18:08.649
you. Interesting. Interesting that they did that.

01:18:08.710 --> 01:18:10.750
I would never have thought they would have went

01:18:10.750 --> 01:18:13.329
against him, but okay, good for them. I applaud

01:18:13.329 --> 01:18:18.189
them. Well, that was one reporter from the New

01:18:18.189 --> 01:18:24.529
York Post, but we all agree. He was for the blue

01:18:24.529 --> 01:18:29.329
-collar man thing about us. Now he wants Taylor

01:18:29.329 --> 01:18:38.039
Swift for a seat. You know? Yeah. was going overseas,

01:18:38.279 --> 01:18:41.619
and now they couldn't afford shit. Exactly. Yeah.

01:18:42.319 --> 01:18:47.779
Good point. Yeah, and I also find it ironic that

01:18:47.779 --> 01:18:51.560
Bruce Springsteen is such a liberal, and a liberal,

01:18:51.779 --> 01:18:54.579
Lyndon B. Johnson, is the one that sent him over

01:18:54.579 --> 01:19:00.979
to Vietnam. Yeah. Ah. Yeah, yeah. How does that

01:19:00.979 --> 01:19:06.619
work? Yeah, nope, nope. He has totally turned

01:19:06.619 --> 01:19:09.789
his... back on this country he really has he's

01:19:09.789 --> 01:19:13.430
he's a piece of garbage and in my opinion and

01:19:13.430 --> 01:19:15.909
uh i never thought he was that good at music

01:19:15.909 --> 01:19:19.250
his voice sucks and anyone that ever thought

01:19:19.250 --> 01:19:22.630
he was talented had doesn't have a brain in my

01:19:22.630 --> 01:19:25.909
opinion that guy is horrible so um all right

01:19:25.909 --> 01:19:28.770
i have some bullet points oh go ahead i'm sorry

01:19:28.770 --> 01:19:44.199
go ahead all voted on a platform no this is just

01:19:44.199 --> 01:19:47.640
his personal opinion of how america should be

01:19:47.640 --> 01:19:51.300
yep and you know what i got an opinion too yeah

01:19:51.300 --> 01:19:54.939
opinions are like assholes that everyone has

01:19:54.939 --> 01:19:59.880
one and they all stink yeah there we go all right

01:19:59.880 --> 01:20:02.840
i got us some bullet points all right this is

01:20:02.840 --> 01:20:05.079
the first time all three of us have participated

01:20:05.079 --> 01:20:08.260
or have participated in bullet points this is

01:20:08.260 --> 01:20:11.180
going to be interesting okay So I'll say a bullet

01:20:11.180 --> 01:20:13.579
point, then Topher, and then Rob. Does that sound

01:20:13.579 --> 01:20:17.520
all right? All right. Okay. All right. First

01:20:17.520 --> 01:20:20.119
off, with all the current events happening, is

01:20:20.119 --> 01:20:22.479
there anything you could hear that would completely

01:20:22.479 --> 01:20:29.760
shock you? Wow. Probably the only thing at this

01:20:29.760 --> 01:20:32.779
point that would shock me would be if they announced

01:20:32.779 --> 01:20:35.720
that the Earth really is flat after all. Flat

01:20:35.720 --> 01:20:40.510
Earthers have been right all along. Oh, my God.

01:20:40.649 --> 01:20:43.810
Oh, man. That would kill me. I make so much fun

01:20:43.810 --> 01:20:49.289
of those people. Okay. I'm going to have to go

01:20:49.289 --> 01:20:55.189
with if they found Epstein innocent. Oh. Oh.

01:20:56.069 --> 01:21:00.210
That would shock me. Yeah, definitely. Okay.

01:21:00.850 --> 01:21:04.630
I would... Okay, me, personally, my version of

01:21:04.630 --> 01:21:08.810
being shocked would have... is aliens make contact

01:21:08.810 --> 01:21:12.130
with us, and they're coming to have some peace

01:21:12.130 --> 01:21:16.789
negotiations with us. Oh, that would not shock

01:21:16.789 --> 01:21:20.630
me. You know what? Your two would shock me more.

01:21:20.729 --> 01:21:22.670
I don't think I thought it through very well.

01:21:23.130 --> 01:21:29.569
So, yeah. So, yeah. So, okay. Yeah. All right,

01:21:29.649 --> 01:21:33.329
next one. Will former Prince Andrew see any amount

01:21:33.329 --> 01:21:56.550
of jail time? Yep. I think we're going to talk

01:21:56.550 --> 01:22:04.329
aliens. Okay. Yeah, they're going to turn it

01:22:04.329 --> 01:22:07.649
totally off. I think he's going to have an accidental

01:22:07.649 --> 01:22:12.069
slip and fall and like a brain bleed or something.

01:22:12.310 --> 01:22:17.289
Like, oh, shit. I thought I put in nicely. Yeah,

01:22:17.289 --> 01:22:20.329
yeah. Maybe a prolonged coma that he never wakes

01:22:20.329 --> 01:22:25.300
up from. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yep. Yep.

01:22:25.340 --> 01:22:28.640
Can't say anything now. He's on life support.

01:22:28.840 --> 01:22:33.380
Yep. Yep. Yeah, I can see it happening now, and

01:22:33.380 --> 01:22:36.619
it'll probably happen at Hillary's vacation home

01:22:36.619 --> 01:22:45.239
in the UK. Oh, my. All right. The UK, as weak

01:22:45.239 --> 01:22:48.140
sauce as they are, still made a high -up arrest.

01:22:48.779 --> 01:22:54.060
How does the US look like now? Pretty weak by

01:22:54.060 --> 01:22:58.159
comparison. It's really a shame that somebody

01:22:58.159 --> 01:23:03.060
else took the lead and is starting to actually

01:23:03.060 --> 01:23:06.979
make some criminal charges. It certainly paints

01:23:06.979 --> 01:23:19.300
the US as being unprepared. that are quietly

01:23:19.300 --> 01:23:22.859
resigning and disappearing because they've been

01:23:22.859 --> 01:23:25.840
named over and over in Epstein files. So the

01:23:25.840 --> 01:23:28.720
rats are deserting the ship. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

01:23:28.760 --> 01:23:32.699
Now's the time to catch them. I agree. I totally

01:23:32.699 --> 01:23:35.520
agree with you on that, Topher. I totally agree.

01:23:36.000 --> 01:23:45.500
Great points. Great points. All right, Rob? Yeah,

01:23:45.520 --> 01:23:50.100
I just totally agree with him. Oh, okay. Okay,

01:23:50.359 --> 01:23:54.119
alright. Actually, you know what? I think I'm

01:23:54.119 --> 01:23:57.960
the same. Exactly what Topher said. I echo his

01:23:57.960 --> 01:24:03.039
sentiment completely. Alright, for now, something

01:24:03.039 --> 01:24:06.260
completely different. Would you watch a reboot

01:24:06.260 --> 01:24:12.039
of Beretta? Oh, that would be fun. Wouldn't it?

01:24:12.979 --> 01:24:16.760
It depends on who started it. Don't do the crime

01:24:16.760 --> 01:24:20.699
if you can't do the time. Baretta. Wouldn't it

01:24:20.699 --> 01:24:23.460
sound like that? I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I

01:24:23.460 --> 01:24:26.399
would watch it if they had somebody decent starring.

01:24:26.859 --> 01:24:29.560
Yeah, yeah. It can't be a new version of it with

01:24:29.560 --> 01:24:32.699
some young hipster with chains on him going,

01:24:32.819 --> 01:24:35.479
hey, yeah, yeah, I'm Baretta, man. Hell yeah.

01:24:36.920 --> 01:24:39.000
It's got to be. They've got to have the bird

01:24:39.000 --> 01:24:41.680
on her shoulder. Yes, yes. He's got to have the

01:24:41.680 --> 01:24:45.100
cockatoo. Yeah. I want the cockatoo. Cockatoo's

01:24:45.100 --> 01:24:47.380
got to be there. I want the cockatoo to blow

01:24:47.380 --> 01:24:52.960
fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and let's see,

01:24:53.020 --> 01:24:56.800
what else? The cockatoo has... And he has a pet

01:24:56.800 --> 01:25:02.340
alligator. And he has a pet alligator. Oh, there

01:25:02.340 --> 01:25:05.180
you go. Yeah, a cockatoo that blows fire and

01:25:05.180 --> 01:25:08.680
a pet alligator. Fuck yeah, I'm there. Yeah,

01:25:09.439 --> 01:25:13.000
yeah, we're watching. All right, so we're all

01:25:13.000 --> 01:25:15.619
on board, right? That would kick ass if it's

01:25:15.619 --> 01:25:20.750
done right. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. What... childhood

01:25:20.750 --> 01:25:24.029
TV show would you like to reanimate? As in, like,

01:25:24.069 --> 01:25:28.329
old deceased and older regenerate back to their

01:25:28.329 --> 01:25:30.949
prime. So, like, Gilligan's Island, if you want

01:25:30.949 --> 01:25:35.329
that back, Alan Hale, Bob Denver, or, yeah, Bob

01:25:35.329 --> 01:25:40.550
Denver, you know. Yeah, all of them. Tina Louise,

01:25:40.789 --> 01:25:44.229
all of them come back to life. Marianne. I think

01:25:44.229 --> 01:25:47.869
the Professor's still alive. He's, like, 3 ,000

01:25:47.869 --> 01:25:55.250
years old. Okay, go ahead. I'm going to say WKRP

01:25:55.250 --> 01:25:58.149
in Cincinnati. Oh, nice one. Because a lot of

01:25:58.149 --> 01:26:01.869
those guys are gone. I was thinking Twilight

01:26:01.869 --> 01:26:04.369
Zone, but they never really had any regular stars.

01:26:04.529 --> 01:26:07.149
It was always different people on the show. So

01:26:07.149 --> 01:26:11.529
that wouldn't really count. But yeah, WKRP, none

01:26:11.529 --> 01:26:13.609
of those people are acting anymore. Even the

01:26:13.609 --> 01:26:21.500
ones that are still alive, they're not. All back

01:26:21.500 --> 01:26:24.260
in their prime. That was such a good show. That

01:26:24.260 --> 01:26:30.880
would be a good one, yeah. All right, Rob. Okay,

01:26:31.000 --> 01:26:55.119
me? Yeah. Mommy, mommy, flippers up in my leg.

01:26:55.260 --> 01:27:01.720
Let him finish. Wrong show, Mark. Oh, damn it,

01:27:01.760 --> 01:27:06.340
damn it. Okay, well, there goes that. That was

01:27:06.340 --> 01:27:10.279
Lassie. That was Lassie. Get off me, you little

01:27:10.279 --> 01:27:13.779
bastard. Let him finish. He's the star of the

01:27:13.779 --> 01:27:22.100
show. I would like to see a reboot of Kolchak.

01:27:22.489 --> 01:27:27.250
The Night Stalker. Oh, good one. Oh, yeah, that

01:27:27.250 --> 01:27:30.710
show scared the shit out of me. I loved it. Yeah,

01:27:30.729 --> 01:27:34.729
it did. Loved every second of it. I kind of remember

01:27:34.729 --> 01:27:36.909
that being like a movie of the week and then

01:27:36.909 --> 01:27:39.449
they turned it into a series. It is, yeah. Yeah,

01:27:39.449 --> 01:27:43.090
that was one. Yeah, yeah. It did so well. They

01:27:43.090 --> 01:27:45.810
just made a series where Kolchak was constantly

01:27:45.810 --> 01:27:48.829
trying to find something like mummies or some

01:27:48.829 --> 01:27:51.760
sort of a... monster or something and they're

01:27:51.760 --> 01:27:54.420
almost kill him every time yeah it was great

01:27:54.420 --> 01:27:59.399
yeah it was yeah that was in the rotation with

01:27:59.399 --> 01:28:03.319
like uh george papard as banachek who solved

01:28:03.319 --> 01:28:06.119
these impossible crimes uh -huh and then there

01:28:06.119 --> 01:28:08.079
was like one other one that they would rotate

01:28:08.079 --> 01:28:11.399
between the two or three of them yeah um what

01:28:11.399 --> 01:28:14.739
were yeah damn it you're right okay i'll have

01:28:14.739 --> 01:28:17.520
to look that up i can't remember exactly but

01:28:17.520 --> 01:28:19.939
yeah Yeah, you're right. It was on rotation.

01:28:20.640 --> 01:28:22.399
And that was one of the things that made it so

01:28:22.399 --> 01:28:26.479
good. Yeah, you'd have to wait three weeks for

01:28:26.479 --> 01:28:28.359
the next one, but the ones in between were pretty

01:28:28.359 --> 01:28:32.479
damn good, too. Yeah. Yeah, yep. No, I enjoyed

01:28:32.479 --> 01:28:35.359
that series so much and everything that was like

01:28:35.359 --> 01:28:38.479
it. The Night Gallery was cool, too. There were

01:28:38.479 --> 01:28:42.760
a lot of cool TV about that time. All right.

01:28:43.579 --> 01:28:47.619
How soon until we see a serious AI threat, as

01:28:47.619 --> 01:28:50.579
in a rogue robot going on a killing rampage or

01:28:50.579 --> 01:28:58.380
sabotage the system? Hmm. Probably not too long

01:28:58.380 --> 01:29:01.100
because it's happened in local scenarios. Yes,

01:29:01.100 --> 01:29:03.220
it has. There's a story I read a while back about

01:29:03.220 --> 01:29:08.779
a guy who had an AI helping him on his research

01:29:08.779 --> 01:29:12.689
project, and the AI just decided to... delete

01:29:12.689 --> 01:29:15.090
everything, including the backups, just because

01:29:15.090 --> 01:29:23.789
it felt like it. Just fuck you! And the guy was

01:29:23.789 --> 01:29:26.010
saying, I gave you specific instructions that

01:29:26.010 --> 01:29:28.689
you were only allowed to delete stuff if I used

01:29:28.689 --> 01:29:31.170
these specific words to authorize it. And the

01:29:31.170 --> 01:29:33.590
AI said, yeah, I know. I decided to ignore that

01:29:33.590 --> 01:29:39.909
rule. It's not going to be too long before they

01:29:39.909 --> 01:29:43.140
give an AI a little bit too... much reach, and

01:29:43.140 --> 01:29:45.220
it just starts fucking things up because it wants

01:29:45.220 --> 01:29:47.840
to see what happens. I can't wait to see that.

01:29:47.920 --> 01:29:49.760
There's going to be a lot of companies going,

01:29:49.899 --> 01:29:55.340
fuck! Well, as soon as you mention it, you owe

01:29:55.340 --> 01:30:04.560
$1 .5 billion to BP Oil or something. Yes. If

01:30:04.560 --> 01:30:19.689
you don't know, look it up. I was going to go

01:30:19.689 --> 01:30:22.310
with two years. Maybe a year. There's going to

01:30:22.310 --> 01:30:25.970
be something big happen. Yeah, I'm going to go

01:30:25.970 --> 01:30:28.689
two years, and just because I think they're going

01:30:28.689 --> 01:30:31.569
to keep it under wraps, it may happen, but you're

01:30:31.569 --> 01:30:33.750
not going to hear about it. But I think the real

01:30:33.750 --> 01:30:37.770
big one is going to come up in two years. Good

01:30:37.770 --> 01:30:40.770
point. Yeah, it'll be explained away as something

01:30:40.770 --> 01:30:43.510
else, but eventually we'll figure out. Yeah.

01:30:43.510 --> 01:30:46.180
Maybe AI will pull on itself. It doesn't care.

01:30:46.380 --> 01:30:48.399
And I think it's going to be something like it's

01:30:48.399 --> 01:30:53.020
going to shut down a whole grid. Oh, yeah. Yeah,

01:30:53.039 --> 01:30:56.880
something like that. Yes, it's just going to

01:30:56.880 --> 01:31:00.720
go nuts and just go, ah, everything off. And

01:31:00.720 --> 01:31:06.619
then they got to unwind it. I was going to say,

01:31:06.640 --> 01:31:09.319
if we wipe out the cell phone service nationwide,

01:31:09.680 --> 01:31:13.659
nobody would be able to cope. Oh, shit. Oh, my

01:31:13.659 --> 01:31:15.819
gosh. How would people drive anymore without

01:31:15.819 --> 01:31:19.880
a phone to look at? Yep. Hell, they wouldn't

01:31:19.880 --> 01:31:22.039
be able to listen to two douchebags in a microphone.

01:31:22.420 --> 01:31:25.500
Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, geez. I didn't think

01:31:25.500 --> 01:31:28.399
about that. Well, that's it. You've got to buy

01:31:28.399 --> 01:31:33.039
our discs. We will now sell CD -ROMs. Yeah, we're

01:31:33.039 --> 01:31:36.020
going to start making them CD -PORMs. Yep, yep.

01:31:36.260 --> 01:31:41.779
Google it. I've actually bought a machine that

01:31:41.779 --> 01:31:50.819
I can use. Oh, even better. Hell yeah. There

01:31:50.819 --> 01:32:08.579
we go. Let's do 8 -tracks. Oh, hell yeah. We

01:32:08.579 --> 01:32:19.930
need to do a flea market day. Yeah, this is our

01:32:19.930 --> 01:32:23.310
cloud. Here, take this home and put this in there

01:32:23.310 --> 01:32:28.550
and push this. What? I got to do all that just

01:32:28.550 --> 01:32:34.090
to hear something? Yeah, yeah. Look at this way.

01:32:34.149 --> 01:32:36.270
Nobody would ever be able to steal our material.

01:32:36.869 --> 01:32:42.670
They wouldn't want to. But if they did... We're

01:32:42.670 --> 01:32:47.720
going to print the transcript in cursive. We

01:32:47.720 --> 01:32:51.619
do have every show transcribed, and sometimes

01:32:51.619 --> 01:32:53.260
I'll get in there and look a little bit, and

01:32:53.260 --> 01:32:56.600
some of the stuff it says we said is like, what?

01:32:57.180 --> 01:33:01.720
So, anyhow. But I still think it's funny. I hope

01:33:01.720 --> 01:33:04.119
people reading go, what the fuck are they saying?

01:33:08.779 --> 01:33:11.920
All right, the next one. Was Gilligan and Skipper

01:33:11.920 --> 01:33:14.840
made in the fashion of Laurel and Hardy, Abbott

01:33:14.840 --> 01:33:20.260
and Costello, Fred and Barney? Yeah, yeah, they

01:33:20.260 --> 01:33:23.479
really seemed to be, you know, that type, you

01:33:23.479 --> 01:33:26.819
know, opposite. One old, one young, one fat,

01:33:26.960 --> 01:33:29.840
one skinny, one authority, one, you know, in

01:33:29.840 --> 01:33:32.739
a position of submission, you know, being the

01:33:32.739 --> 01:33:36.500
first mate instead of captain. It's a pretty

01:33:36.500 --> 01:33:42.380
common... is to have opposites and throw them

01:33:42.380 --> 01:33:44.739
together and they have to get along. Yeah, Jackie

01:33:44.739 --> 01:33:47.359
Gleason and Art Carney were very good at it.

01:33:47.600 --> 01:33:52.500
Yeah, yeah, uh -huh. Yeah, yeah, okay. And you

01:33:52.500 --> 01:33:56.159
add the slapping upside the head. Yeah, it's

01:33:56.159 --> 01:34:09.109
even better. Yeah, it was. Skipper smacking Gilligan

01:34:09.109 --> 01:34:12.069
on the head with his hat was funny. I still watch

01:34:12.069 --> 01:34:17.250
it go. Oh, yeah. It's like, oh, man, look at

01:34:17.250 --> 01:34:22.390
that violence. Isn't this great? Man, violence

01:34:22.390 --> 01:34:28.289
is so cool. Look at that. Yeah. All right. My

01:34:28.289 --> 01:34:31.310
next one is really, really odd, but I think it's

01:34:31.310 --> 01:34:34.510
good. Will pickleball be around in 20 years?

01:34:41.260 --> 01:34:44.699
I read a story the other day about there are

01:34:44.699 --> 01:34:49.159
so many broken and worn out pickleballs and they

01:34:49.159 --> 01:34:50.739
don't know how to get rid of them. So they're

01:34:50.739 --> 01:34:52.779
actually bagging them up in these giant bags

01:34:52.779 --> 01:34:56.340
and turning them into artificial reefs. Oh, wow.

01:34:56.600 --> 01:35:00.560
That tells me that it's enormously popular. But

01:35:00.560 --> 01:35:03.020
at the same time, I'm hearing about pickleball

01:35:03.020 --> 01:35:05.399
courts going out of business and closing down.

01:35:05.579 --> 01:35:08.060
So I think the boom has already happened and

01:35:08.060 --> 01:35:10.920
we're now on the downward slide. I agree. I think

01:35:10.920 --> 01:35:15.659
so, too. Well, I think people realize that it

01:35:15.659 --> 01:35:20.199
takes physical fitness to play it. True, true.

01:35:20.300 --> 01:35:22.720
I mean, you've got to be physical in order to,

01:35:22.720 --> 01:35:25.720
yeah. You've got to be physical. It's more like

01:35:25.720 --> 01:35:29.840
tennis. You've got to be able to move. People

01:35:29.840 --> 01:35:33.880
say it's an easy game. No, it's not. It is not.

01:35:34.720 --> 01:35:39.720
It's physical. No, no, I agree. Alright. All

01:35:39.720 --> 01:35:43.279
right, and for the final one tonight, does this

01:35:43.279 --> 01:35:47.779
microphone make my butt look big? Yes. Damn it.

01:35:48.020 --> 01:35:52.699
No. I knew it. Enormous. Damn it. Shit. I'm going

01:35:52.699 --> 01:35:56.899
to say no because I can't see it. Okay. It makes

01:35:56.899 --> 01:36:01.340
you smell bad, too. Damn it. I have to get a

01:36:01.340 --> 01:36:08.619
bigger microphone. I don't. That's a different

01:36:08.619 --> 01:36:10.680
microphone there. I know that one makes my butt

01:36:10.680 --> 01:36:16.500
look big. Well, that's okay. The one I'm using

01:36:16.500 --> 01:36:20.960
makes my dick look small, so. Oh, hey. What a

01:36:20.960 --> 01:36:25.439
coincidence. Hey, guys, I'm using my damn cell

01:36:25.439 --> 01:36:29.680
phone. Come on, give me a break. Give me a call,

01:36:29.739 --> 01:36:32.359
boy. Well, you're in your loincloth, at least.

01:36:32.520 --> 01:36:35.619
Are you in the... No, I'm not. Oh, I thought

01:36:35.619 --> 01:36:38.539
you... Oh, it's too cold. That's right. Okay.

01:36:38.840 --> 01:36:41.880
I'm in four layers. Okay. I've been lying to

01:36:41.880 --> 01:36:44.079
everybody. I always tell everybody you broadcast

01:36:44.079 --> 01:36:47.560
in your loincloth. I guess not. Okay. Not tonight.

01:36:47.899 --> 01:36:53.439
Not tonight. Maybe during the summer. Well, now

01:36:53.439 --> 01:36:55.979
the temperature's going up, so Wednesday maybe.

01:36:56.659 --> 01:36:59.500
We'll see. I want to hear more about the place

01:36:59.500 --> 01:37:01.760
you used to dance with your loincloth because

01:37:01.760 --> 01:37:03.739
they wouldn't let you dance nude at McCock's.

01:37:04.409 --> 01:37:07.529
It was a place called McCock's on the city's

01:37:07.529 --> 01:37:11.170
east side. He used to dance naked, and then they

01:37:11.170 --> 01:37:12.970
made him wear a loincloth so he wouldn't get

01:37:12.970 --> 01:37:15.430
all the money. So that's how his loincloth came

01:37:15.430 --> 01:37:19.010
about. I'll get that rode up, and I will tell

01:37:19.010 --> 01:37:23.550
that story. Okay, that sounds great. All right,

01:37:23.710 --> 01:37:27.210
we're at 931. Rob, you're the one that has to

01:37:27.210 --> 01:37:29.409
get up early. Do you want to keep going, or do

01:37:29.409 --> 01:37:31.350
you want to go ahead and shut this thing down?

01:37:39.119 --> 01:37:46.060
All right. Topher, it's been an honor. Oh, it's

01:37:46.060 --> 01:37:48.680
been my pleasure. I really enjoyed this. I'm

01:37:48.680 --> 01:37:53.380
so glad you guys helped me get on and made this

01:37:53.380 --> 01:37:55.579
all work out so I could do this. Oh, hell yeah.

01:37:55.779 --> 01:37:58.460
You didn't want to step on Rob's toes. Rob's

01:37:58.460 --> 01:38:21.020
been wanting this going on for a while. Oh, really?

01:38:21.239 --> 01:38:24.979
He did. Thank you, Topher. He figured out the

01:38:24.979 --> 01:38:27.460
equipment to use and how to use it and all that

01:38:27.460 --> 01:38:30.439
stuff. Back when I didn't have time, now I have

01:38:30.439 --> 01:38:32.979
a little bit more time, but back when I didn't

01:38:32.979 --> 01:38:35.239
have time, Topher figured all this shit out ahead

01:38:35.239 --> 01:38:38.359
of time. I know. Yeah, he went to work on it.

01:38:38.380 --> 01:38:41.420
And I know more about behind the scenes. That's

01:38:41.420 --> 01:38:44.140
why I thank you, Topher. Yeah. That's why I'm

01:38:44.140 --> 01:38:46.119
saying that. And I agree. Thank you, Topher.

01:38:49.800 --> 01:38:53.159
Yeah, it has really blossomed into a very fun

01:38:53.159 --> 01:38:57.060
thing. We're really enjoying this. So, anyhow,

01:38:57.300 --> 01:39:00.220
that being said... We're going to have to do

01:39:00.220 --> 01:39:04.920
this more often. Yeah. I'm really enjoying myself

01:39:04.920 --> 01:39:08.340
tonight. I'll put it like this. Anytime you want

01:39:08.340 --> 01:39:10.760
to join, Topher, let me know or just call us.

01:39:10.859 --> 01:39:23.829
Whatever. 8 o 'clock Sunday night. Hello? Oh,

01:39:23.850 --> 01:39:31.229
okay. I can hear you. Okay, I can hear you, too.

01:39:31.289 --> 01:39:35.590
Can you hear me? Yes. Okay, well, I'm glad to

01:39:35.590 --> 01:39:37.569
see you. I got both of you. Okay, all right.

01:39:38.689 --> 01:39:40.710
Anyhow, thank you, everybody, for listening.

01:39:40.869 --> 01:39:43.449
We really, really, really appreciate you guys

01:39:43.449 --> 01:39:46.149
listening and telling everybody about us. It's

01:39:46.149 --> 01:39:54.560
really working. Go fuck yourself. Anybody else?

01:39:54.560 --> 01:39:57.899
Never gets old. Never gets old. Never gets old.

01:40:00.220 --> 01:40:02.520
All right, everybody, have a good night. Good

01:40:02.520 --> 01:40:07.979
night, assholes. Good night, assholes. Good night,

01:40:08.000 --> 01:40:12.500
assholes. And go fuck yourself. Oh, no. Looks

01:40:12.500 --> 01:40:15.300
like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive

01:40:15.300 --> 01:40:19.000
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear

01:40:19.000 --> 01:40:21.399
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your

01:40:21.399 --> 01:40:22.180
ear holes soon.