Hey there, slap nuts. It's time for the Creeps
Music News. Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This
is Johnny Rohypnol with your music news. John
Karabi, former lead singer of Motley Crue and
The Scream, has a new album coming out on April
24th called New Day. You can pre -order the album
online. The effort features guitars like Richard
Fortis from Guns N' Roses, Paul Taylor from winger
Steve Perry on keyboards, Marty Freckerson, producer
of Multi -Instrumentalist, and Charlie Starr
from Blackberry Smoke on guitar solos, alongside
Evan Freckerson on drums and bass. This should
be a pretty good album. Sure has a lot of talent
to go with it. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That
was your music news, and remember, bar chords
are bullshit. We are the music creeps. We are
the music creeps. All right. I lasted well into
the second verse, so I'm happy with that. Yeah,
we got about 20 seconds of that mess. Well, as
you can tell, we didn't get very many downloads.
They shut it off. Yeah. I wonder how many people
are going, I'm not listening to this fucking
mess. No, no. I've heard that they use it to
test. coma patients to see if they're faking
or not. Yes, it actually is really good at that.
They want us to provide them with some CD -ROMs.
I say that at work and piss the younger folk
off. So I say it now. We want to provide CD -ROMs
so they can play it to coma patients. No MP3
here. No MP3 -4. Nope. Nope. No sound. If you
piss us off, we're going to get you an 8 -track
tape. Yes! Those things were so terrible. Oh,
gosh. They were just the worst. They were because
they were worthless. You'd be in the middle of
a song. I remember the first one I got was Led
Zeppelin 2. Yeah, I think it was Led Zeppelin
2, Heartbreaker. All of a sudden, right in the
middle of Heartbreaker. Yep. And sometimes they
would fade it out. Then it would change tracks
and then fade back in. It's like, I'm missing
like 10 seconds of the song. Don't fade the fucker
out. Just change it. I mean, couldn't they just
like, well, you know what, who knows? Yeah, it
was flawed technology. Yeah, it was. It's basically
the same technology that the cockpit voice recorders
used in aircraft, where they put in a 30 -minute
tape in a continuous loop, and it just re -records
over itself over and over. That's exactly what
an 8 -track tape is. It's a continuous loop of
tape, usually about 12 to 13 minutes. And then
it changes track four times. And each track is
stereo, so eight tracks. So you're running over
the same 10 to 12 minutes of tape. It's just
you're on the second track, and then the third
track, and the fourth track. It's cockpit voice
recorder technology. And they say, hey, we can
make a consumer product out of this too. I mean,
it's amazing how much stuff we buy and use is
just like leftover from something else that was
the important thing. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean like fluoride. Yeah. Byproduct.
Industrial waste. Yeah. Nylon. That was an industrial
waste from refining petroleum. That's right.
What the hell do we do with this crap? Yeah.
Interesting. Yeah. All right. This is the Music
Creech. Yes, it is. I've got some bullet points,
but we probably don't want to go into that just
yet. So you got something. Yeah. You know, Journey
has recently done like a farewell tour. Yeah.
Or is doing one or has done whatever. Steve Perry
is still getting a lot of money from Journey.
Really? Even though he doesn't sing with them
anymore. I can't remember what year it was that
he left. Was it like 20 years ago maybe? Yeah,
it was quite a while ago because the Filipino
kid, he's been in there probably 10 years at
least. Yeah, Arnel Pineda. Yeah, and they had
several singers after Steve Perry anyhow. True.
But what Steve Perry negotiated when he left
the band was for each of the first two tours
they did after he left, he got 50 % of the gross
revenue right off the top. Boy, he should have
taught Mick Mars something, shouldn't he? And
now for the third tour, he got 25%. And then
for the fourth tour and all future tours through
the rest of the time that Journey is performing,
he's alive 12 .5%. Wow. Every time Journey tours,
he sits at home and gets 12 .5%. How did he do
this? Did they want him out of the band that
bad for whatever reason? I don't understand.
That part they don't explain. I want his fucking
accountant lawyer guy. No kidding. Wow. So for
this most recent tour. His 12%, 12 .5%, got him
$3 .5 million. Wow. And then he got $10 million
in royalties for songs he'd written. And an extra
million for his solo releases. And all this is
mailbox money. Yeah. He sat at home and got $14
.5 million and not doing a damn thing. Wow. Yeah.
Mailbox Bunny. Mailbox Bunny is the best because
they sit at home and it comes to them. Now, to
be fair, he put in all the work and effort and
wrote the songs and all those tours. I'm not
begging on him. He deserves what he gets. But
that's one more reason why your concert ticket
is so fucking expensive is all these legacy costs.
I hear my quick concerts all together. Yeah.
I mean, I will consider showing up the night
of the concert and buying a ticket right there
at the box office or from somebody standing out
front. But buying in advance again, uh -uh. Okay.
Not going to happen. All right, some secret stuff
you guys cannot know about. Yes. So, all right.
Okay, I'm going to start on that tomorrow, and
I'm going to bring, I think, a rat trap and some
jail. And a bottle of gel and some, a bottle
of nitrogen. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All
right, anyhow, go ahead. All right. I have a
list of songs that are actually about sex. Okay.
And, you know, I looked this up and there were
like half the ones on the list. It's like, yeah,
everyone knows that's about sex. Why is it even
on the list? So these are supposed to be ones
that you don't really know are about sex. I wonder
if one of them is on. If it's on, I'll tell you.
If not, I'll tell you afterwards. But go ahead.
Okay. The first one on the list is Macarena by
Los Del Rio. Because if you can understand the
lyrics, it's about a woman cheating on her boyfriend
who just got deployed by having a devil's three
-way with his two best friends. Oh! And everybody's
singing that. That's the song everyone's smiling
and dancing around to and doing little steps.
It's about a woman doing two dudes at once while
her boyfriend's there defending the country.
Aren't you so proud of yourself for joining in
now? Good job, Rube. Good job, sheep. I'm supposed
to like this. Yeah. They told me to like it.
And so I do. Next up, we have Sweet Caroline
by Neil Diamond. Sweet Caroline. This is interesting
because it's supposed to be a Caroline Kennedy,
right? I think so. Okay, go ahead. That's what
they spun then. Yeah, Neil Diamond himself admitted,
yeah, look at the lyrics. Touching me, touching
you, good times never felt so good. Yeah, it
was about sex. So you wanted to bang the young
Caroline Kennedy? I guess so. I think they made
that up because it became such a... Karaoke song.
Everybody did it at stadiums. They had to say
something. Oh, it's about Caroline Kennedy. Back
in the 50s, everyone wanted to bang Julie Eisenhower.
Yeah, that's true. In the 70s, nobody wanted
to go near Jimmy Carter's daughter, Amy. Amy,
oh yeah. Oh God, she looked like Chelsea. Oh
my God. Next up. Don't Stop Me Now by Queen.
Read the lyrics. It's absolutely about having
sex. Great song. It is. It's a whole lot of fun
song. It's a great driving song. Probably wrote
the lyrics. Yeah. This one you probably knew.
Little Red Corvette. Yeah. By Prince. Yeah. It's
a great song. Yeah. He talks about the horses
that were there before me. A pocket full of Trojans.
Some of them used. Oh. This one surprised me.
Kiss from a Rose by Seal. Wow. It's about a girl
losing her virginity. Wow. So read the lyrics
again. And that was another one. Oh, this is
so romantic. This is so sweet. Oh, this is all
about love. No, it's about fucking for the first
time. That's what it's about. Wow. Isn't that
crazy? Wow, yeah, it is. This one, Like a Prayer,
Madonna. It's about blowjobs. Because figure
Madonna on her knees with her hands in front
of her face like that, it's the exact position
she got in to give a blowjob. That's why it's
like a prayer. Like and not a prayer. Yes. That's
actually kind of clever. Yep, yep. And you know,
there's some books, some fictional books I've
read in the past that authors would throw. both
erotica and horror in the same book to make it
more crazy. But in several books, people would
refer to giving oral sex as like being in church
or like praying. So that is more of a common
thread than we realize. Madonna didn't make it
up, is what I'm saying. But now I'm picturing
Madonna in the music video on her knees with
her hands in front of her face like, oh, okay.
I get it. You know what? It's very believable
if you look at her in her body of work. Don't
look at her today. No. Look at her back then.
Actually, she doesn't look too bad. Remember
that picture she came out where she looked like
the character in Saw? Yeah. It's because she
was still all swollen up from her plastic surgery.
Oh. And she did that intentionally to shock everybody.
But she's on a Dolce & Gabbana perfume commercial
now, and she looks fairly normal. But she still
looks fake. Yeah, I mean, I've never seen a facelift
that didn't look fake. Don't Stop Believing by
Journey. Really? It's about a one -night stand.
Okay. You know, for something they can share
the night. It goes on and on. Just a lonely girl,
just a city boy. They're getting together for
a... So they were in Windsor, Ontario. Yeah,
they were. But yeah, they're getting together
for a one -night stand. Okay. And this one is
a lot of fun. I'm so excited. The Pointer Sisters.
I'm so excited. Yeah. I just can't hide it. I'm
about to lose control and I think I like it.
It's a song about impending orgasm. Now that
you say that, that does fit. Yep. The woman who
wrote it wrote it about here comes the orgasm.
That's exactly what the song's about. I like
it more now. I do, too. I love that. And it makes
a lot of sense. Doesn't it? It's such a happy,
fun, bouncy song that people dance to and sing
along and think it's so cute. It's like, yeah,
she's talking about she's about to squirt. Wow.
I just love that. I do, too. PMRC had nothing
to do with that, did they? No, no. So there we
go. Songs about sex. Yeah, and I had no idea.
Oh, that's okay. Yeah, that's not dirty. Is that
it? Yep. Oh, okay. If you want me to keep going,
I've got... I've got bullet points. Let's do
some bullet points. Yeah. Twelve minutes in,
we're already at the bullet points. This is a
good episode. Yeah, it is. I mean, yeah, we'll
do this, then we'll go into yours. You're right.
Okay, and then I've got a ton of shit, too, if
we get to it. If not, we'll save it until next
time. We've got a lot more material than we can
get in this episode, so we've got stuff. All
right. I want to do the bullet points a little
bit early because of this. I'm pretty proud of
a couple of them. You're right. I always love
them. In 10 years, how will Ozzy's legacy hold
up? Excellent. I think so, too. I guess it's
possible that he could bungle a biographical
movie or do a bad job on a book, but I don't
think so. I think they're going to be more careful.
Even if they do have some missteps, Ozzy's fan
base wants more Ozzy stuff. They want to celebrate
his life and his career and his legacy, so you
have to really try to screw that up. What do
they call it? Biopic? Biopic, yeah. Biopic, yeah.
Okay, they're coming out with that about the
story about him and Sharon and how she saved
him from alcohol and drug abuse. Yeah, it makes
sense that it would have to be the Sharon years,
not the before. Yeah, well, before Ozzie admitted
that he was cheating on his old wife Thelma and
just miserable. Yeah, that wouldn't give anybody
a happy feel -good. Well, he wouldn't have done
anything because he was kicked out of Sabbath
and addicted to cocaine and alcohol and didn't
really have anything to speak of. You know, he
pretty much squandered all his money on partying.
The stuff that they did get, because they got
ripped off, it sounds like, quite a bit. Yeah,
everybody did. Yeah, so I think the biopic is
going to really, really... I mean, he's already
mainstream ever since the Osbournes, but I think
the biopic is going to make people love him even
more because it's one of those feel -good stories
that, you know, oh, he was lost, he was torn,
and then everyone's like, oh, man, look at the
romance, look at the love. You know, I could
see it. You know, Ozzy's got that perfect personality
that he didn't do things to be mean or malicious
or a jerk or an asshole. He was just being wild
and crazy and having fun. So everyone got it
that Ozzy was just celebrating life and indulging
himself. So there were really not a lot of hard
feelings for anything he's done. Oh, no. Like
I said, I met him twice, and both times it felt
like I was talking to someone I knew. Yeah, just
a regular guy. He wasn't guarded. And if he had
a bodyguard around him, well, he probably did.
Probably did, but you probably just didn't see
him. But he was so nice. And it was by accident,
too, because I was trying to walk around Best
Buy to get to the other side because there's
a huge line. And the truth of it is, I had no
idea he was doing another signing. Oh, wow. This
is years before I met him at a signing. Yeah.
And he just happened to be walking out the back
door, I guess, to get to wherever they're going
or whatever. Almost ran into him. And I was like,
God, is that easy? You've got to find where they
go out of, you know, at an arena, I guess, and
then you can bump into them. Yeah, the guarded
doors attract too much attention. Yeah, it really
caught me by surprise. It was one of those things
that it happened and you didn't realize until
afterwards. Yeah. It's like, that was a special
moment. Yeah, like, wow, too bad that didn't
go slower, you know. Really. All right, will
there be a huge body of work box set coming out
of Ozzy? God, I hope so. I hope so, too. Yeah,
and the technology's there to do it right and
do a really good job. I've got Alice Cooper's
The Life and Crimes of Alice Cooper. That box
set is phenomenal, but he came out with a lot
of music after that, but still, I love it. It's
got so many different things in there. Is that
the one that says all the albums with his first
band? Yes. And then up through, I think, Lace
and Whiskey? That sounds about right, yeah. Yeah,
so it's... Beginning of his career through 1979.
There's posters in there, all stuff. Yeah, and
it's in a nice box. Great pictures of him on
the front. I'll have to show you some. Yeah,
yeah. I'll bring it over. And I'll let you borrow
it if you want to listen to it. Yeah, I'm probably
just going to go ahead and buy it. Okay. Because
I've got most of those on CD already, but there's
a few I don't. Well, you'll love it because you're
a fan. I used to be a much bigger Alice Cooper
fan, but I got so used to him. Yeah. You know,
I still love the guy and everything, but I used
to be like, you know, practically worship him.
Yeah, yeah, I understand. It used to be a bigger
deal. Yeah, yeah, but I still love the guy, and
he's, man, if I had to meet anybody, it'd be
him. Yeah. I come so close, because Davey, I'm
not going to say through who, but he got some
backstage passes through somebody that people
would know the name. Yeah. He got backstage passes,
and we were there waiting, waiting, waiting.
And finally a guy comes back and goes, Alice
went golfing. We're sorry. He's not coming through.
He normally does. He normally meets his fans.
You know, I've seen a couple of pictures of Alice
recently on social media, just out and about
with his family or his birthday party, et cetera.
And dude's sporting a mustache, which tells me
he's seriously thinking about retiring because
he doesn't perform with any kind of facial hair.
Well, he's doing the Criss Angel series. Yeah.
And then he's got a limited tour. He's coming
by Topeka, I think. I think so. Yeah, he's doing
smaller markets because I think he plans on probably
packing the place. Yeah. Like maybe Salina, Kansas
or something like that. They've got a good -sized
arena there, and a lot of acts like Alice Cooper
go there, or Winger and a couple other bands,
you know. So, all right, next one. Will they
suddenly find new unreleased music? Yeah. And
I'll bet you... It's not necessarily going to
be solo. I bet you it's going to be Sabbath.
Oh, yeah. Tony Iommi seems to have everything.
And he's slowly re -releasing this and scrubbing
up this and reproducing this. That's a smart
way to do it, yeah. I'm thinking in another five
years it's going to be, oh, my God, look what
I stumbled upon. Yeah. Yeah. And look, it's ready
to go. Yeah, and there's also a demo somewhere
that Jeff Nichols, the old keyboardist for Sabbath,
says that he saw. and he heard well jeff nichols
passed away his son is now saying this but before
jeff nichols passed away he said yeah he goes
it's out there somewhere he goes i saw it i listened
to it and i almost got it and he came back with
that um he released the song no his son released
a song that he had for years and he kept called
slapback with ronnie james deal and this is back
when he first joined the band not later and not
later And it's a good song, but, you know. Will
AI create an Ozzy slash Dio duet? Wouldn't that
be awesome? Oh, wow. That would be something.
Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. You know, things
like that I think there's a market for and people
would be, you know, interested to see. As long
as you tell them up front, this is AI, this is
fake. But when you start trying to pass stuff
off as real and genuine. Like Motley Crue did
with the A .I. songs and the A .I. video. That's
when you get the backlash. I think they could
have done a much better job half -assing it themselves.
I know. Just so bad. But yeah, that's an untapped
potential for A .I. is to create situations that
never happened in real life. You could have a
football game between Dan Marino of the 1980s
versus... The Baltimore Ravens past defense of
the 2000s. And see how that worked out. And you
can actually watch the game unfold on video.
Yeah, you know what? It would be the same thing.
And I think someone will do it as a gag or something.
Get some hits, you know. So, alright. In the
world of hard rock, who would be the most successful
solo act ever? I think it's Ozzy, actually. It's
hard to think of someone more successful than
Ozzy, really. Especially under the circumstances.
Like I said, he was unceremoniously booted out
by a bunch of drug addicts for being a drug addict.
Yeah. Yeah. Gosh. Yeah, I'm going to say Ozzy.
Yeah. Think of everything that he's done, you
know. I mean, Alice has had a great solo career.
Yeah. But he's had ups and downs, and he's not
heavy metal. Yeah. The thing is, Ozzy never disappeared,
even during the grunge era, even during the pop
era, even during the 2000s. He kept doing his
stuff. Yeah. And he was still very popular through
all of it. As a matter of fact, he got more popular
because of certain things that they did, like
their reality TV show, which was reality at first,
but later on it was scripted because it was too
obvious what they were going to say. Yeah. And,
you know, Alice did kind of blow with the current
winds. He went through like a post -punk. He
went through like a power pop phase. He went
through a downturning industrial sludge phase.
Yeah, he kind of went through a grunge phase
too. He did some songs with Chris Cornell and
a couple other, yeah. So he kind of blew whichever
way the wind took him. When he did his comeback
after his first addiction mess, after a second
addiction mess with cocaine, he came back as
fast, hard rock. with Kane Roberts and Kip Winger
and that band. And it was totally different than
anything he'd ever done before, but that's what
got him back on the map. And then four years
later, he was doing the album Trash with Bon
Jovi and Steven Tyler and all sorts of other
people writing hits. Yeah, it was a lot of power
pop. stuff so yeah ozzy was always ozzy he's
like this is my music this is what i do and he
you know he had some variety kind of changed
a little bit here but he stayed true to his fans
and they supported him all the way through it
i think alice doesn't have nearly the same fans
as he did back before i think his fan base kind
of changes over time because he's changed so
many times kind of like david bowie did oh yeah
that's true he reinvented himself every few albums
Can't argue with it. He did it very well. But
I think Ozzy did it the exact right way for him
and for his style of music. It's like, just be
true to this, just do this. Yeah, he never had
to change his music or anything. As a matter
of fact, I can give you a pretty good comparison
of Ozzy and Alice. Alice hired people like Orianti,
Nina Strauss, Kane Roberts, Kip Winger, like
you said. But Ozzy, not only did he get the...
most talented guitarist, but he got the coolest
looking one. You see, where Alice wasn't really
that worried about image because he was the show,
where Ozzy was kind of like, oh, no, no, no,
no, because that's why they didn't hire George
Lynch. He had short hair. And Ozzy's like, man,
we've got to hire this guy. He's such a guitarist.
And Sharon goes, no, he's got short hair. So
they got Jakey Lee, and that worked out. I got
hired in a band because two of the guys had short
hair, and they needed more long hairs. It was
between me and another drummer who had short
hair, so my long hair got me in the band. Hey,
whatever it takes. Yeah. Richie Blackmore, that's
why Graham Bonnet, he was so mad at him, and
he had to fire him. He said that he put Graham
Bonnet, he was a lounge singer. Graham Bonnet
was a lounge singer, very good. And he was really
good with rock. I don't know if he, I'm not sure
how that whole thing originated, okay? But they
hired him. And Richie Blackmore said, you have
to grow your hair out. He said, all right, you're
part of this band, but you have to grow your
hair out. He said, we can't have someone looking
like a lounge singer in the band. We're a hard
rock, heavy metal band. So he put people in charge
of him, did not let him out of his hotel room
because he's threatening to cut his hair. He
snuck out the window, got a buzz cut, and the
next day. Richie's on stage with him, and he
kept wanting to hit him in the back of the head
with his guitar. And he goes, well, I just got
out of jail in Germany for doing that. I better
get rid of this guy before I do it. He said he
was seriously entertaining the thought of hitting
him with his guitar. But yeah, it does make a
difference, and I agree with it. Do you think
that Udo Dirkschneider cries at night? Probably
so, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, he's
wishing he was Rob Halford, but he's not. He's
wishing he was 6 '1", but he's 5'. He does have
a great voice, though. A great heavy metal voice.
Really, he couldn't sing anything else. Yeah.
But great at heavy metal. All right. Who likes
peanut butter and jelly better? Vince Neil or
Tommy Lee? I'm going to say Tommy Lee. Hey, my
fellow heavy breeders. This is Dash Riptide.
Your music news. Metal band Slayer fans unite.
Your boys and Slayer have a new hot sauce named
Rain and Blood. This sauce's heat meter is off
the hook. So use with caution or be a dick and
put it on your buddy's sandwich. Maybe not. This
is Dash Riptide. And that was your music news.
If it's too loud, you probably have ear damage
just like me. Oh, no. Deep fried burritos. Yeah.
With a lot of queso. Yeah. Batter dipped and
fried in Mars bar. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy
Lee did like. Fire down a big plate of cheesy
nachos and corn dogs and still come back for
more. And he'd start farting in his woman's face
going, hey, hey, come here, honey. In fact, I
could see Tommy Lee eating peanut butter and
pickle sandwiches. Oh, I could too. Yeah. I could
see him picking the scabs off and probably eating
those. You got a sunburn and you're peeling?
Come here, come here. Now this next one. This
is what I'm really, I'm proud of all these, but
this is what I'm really proud of. I was in a
weird mood. Who has dirtier fingernails? Chad
Kroger or Klaus Mein of the Scorpions? I'm going
to say Chad Kroger. Yeah. Yeah. If you said Andre
the Giant, he'd be in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He probably got the fecal material of six or
seven guys up in his fingernail. Yeah, I think
I'm going to go with Chad Kroger. Yeah, I'll
go with Chad. Yeah, I think he probably picks
his nose constantly. How ironic that he's named
Chad. Yeah, he's a Chad. He's a hanging Chad.
He's a dinging Chad. He's a dingle Chad. A dingle
Chad. Google it. All right. Will John 5 be proven
to be an actual robot? Yeah, I think he will.
He is, yeah, I agree. He's a robot. He's not
real. I've heard that he's trying to go out and
do some of his own solo stuff and his own things
on his own. I think there's friction. Yeah, there's
friction. He's trying to rebuild his image apart
from Motley Crue. That looks like definite cracks.
Serious cracks. But I don't think he wants to
go back and rob Zombie. I don't think so. I don't
think so. They never had a falling out. I think
he's done with that phase. Yeah. Rob's moved
on. He's probably happy with who he's got now.
He's like, yeah, there's no room for you. We're
happy. Yeah. Who knows if there was even a discussion,
but if there was, I'm pretty sure that Rob Zombie's
good with who he has because he has his pick.
Very successful guy. Sounds like there's a very
large bomber aircraft flying overhead, doesn't
it? Oh, there is. Yeah. Big -ass rumble. Yeah.
Okay, there's the chemtrails that everybody laughed
at. Yeah. Yeah, kind of like Epstein Island.
Did you know the Nickelodeon logo, that splat
logo, is the exact shape of Epstein's Island?
No. It is. Wow. I've seen so many pictures with
overlays. And here's another thing. SpongeBob
SquarePants, the address that's on his driver's
license, type that into Google Maps, take you
right to Epstein's Island. Wow. Yeah. Now, sometimes
it'll screw up and take you some other places,
but more often than not, it'll show you Epstein's
Island. That's fucked up. Nickelodeon, apparently,
has been the minor league's conduit for all of
the children they took to that island. Well,
I'll put it like this. It may have started out
wholesome and pure. but it soon got infected
with pedophiles because of the nature of what
it was. There's that one big executive producer
that ran Nickelodeon for a while, and he's definitely
been found to be a pedo. And he was in charge
of Nickelodeon for years and years and years.
With all those children. Yep. But then again,
the parents that left the children there, I got
questions about that. Yep. But, you know, evil
does like to hide in plain sight, don't they?
Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Yep. All right. Will
Tommy Lee take a shower anytime soon? No. No.
No. You go up to him and go, hey, did you take
a shower today? What? I don't understand. Take
what? What's a shower? I've never heard of it.
Oh, that's when someone has a baby, right? Yeah,
that shit. Oh, you mean someone pees on me like
a golden shower? Oh, yeah, yeah. I had Pam do
that. All right. What is your estimation of the
cost of Tommy Lee's chlamydia meds per week?
Oh, wow. Allegedly. Probably about the same as
the gross national product of Bolivia. There's
probably a whole pharmaceutical company and a
fleet of pharmacists that are living the high
life supplying Tommy Lee with STI drugs. Oh,
yeah. You know, they're like... Did you ship
the stuff to Tommy? You know, he needs it today.
And especially since Tommy Lee has about 17 square
yards of dick. That's a lot of surface area to
treat. Yes, it is. If he's using ointment, he's
got to get econosized. Yeah. They give him the
regular one. He looks at it and goes, you know
who I am? Oh, you're the guy that steered a boat
with his penis. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang
on. Bring 30 of those. You're the one that made
LBJ look like a pencil dick. Yeah. They needed
him back when LBJ was one stupid argument. Yeah.
Hang on. Hang on. Here's Tommy Lee and his banana
dick. Yeah. He broke the table. LBJ going, I'm
done. You want to be my vice president? Yeah.
We'll be the penis brothers. Yeah. And then finally,
while we're talking about penises. Yes. Who has
a larger penis, Max Floyd or Randy Miller? I'm
going to say Max Floyd just because he's older.
You know, yeah, I would say so. I would say Randy
might have one that's slightly bigger, but he's
got a big old bend in it. Yeah, he's got peronies.
Yeah, and it takes about a quarter turn to the
counterclockwise. And all this is joking, just
parody. Allegedly. There's only been about five
or six times when I've looked at Randy Miller's
penis. Allegedly. Yeah, and you showed me the
pictures, and I was like, yeah, yeah, that looks
like Peroni's. Now, if you want to know who has
bigger balls, that's Max Floyd. Yes. Yeah, I
mean, he served the country in the armed forces.
Yes. Big balls on him. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I respect
that guy immensely. So it's funny, when he was
General Max Floyd of the Rock and Roll Army,
he was ex -military. I know. Just the look on
his face on those posters, where he's just got
that googly -eyed look with the helmet on. He
looks unhinged. Let's do what he says. And all
this was like disco stuff. Like up in Chicago
with Steve Dahl doing the blowing up Fenway stuff.
And Max Floyd's down here with the Rock and Roll
Army, no disco. I mean, it was such an exciting
time in music. Too bad I was so young. So, you
know. But, you know, that's when rock and roll
has always been the most fun, when it's the outsider.
Yeah, that's what they made it. Yeah, because
at the time they were pushing disco and lounge
music and easy listening and safe for work radio.
And Rock was like, yeah, we're just going to
be over here loud and rude and nasty. Yeah, we're
still flipping you off over here while you're
over there giggling about the Thompson twins.
Yes. We still hate you. And nice, safe, non -threatening
boy bands for the little girls. Yes, yep. Fluffy
hair. Yep. Nice outfits. Yep. They sing about
puppy love and lollipops. Yeah. Oh, the Sean
Cassidy's back then. Yes. The D. Ren Ren. Donny
Osmond. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Donny Osmond. You had
to keep him away from your woman, though. Yeah.
Yeah, he hypnotized me. Yeah. Yeah. That smile.
Yep. Hi. The panties just evaporate. Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah. He is a panty melter. Yep. It's like,
what are all these panties doing on the floor?
Well, Donny Osmond came in to get a burger. Oh.
Oh, okay. All right. Yep. It's like you walk
into a room full of women and there's like...
wet puddles on the floor it's like where'd this
come from it's like well some guy with a loud
engine was revving it outside and every woman
in here just soaked her panties yeah of course
because they responded The penis extenders work,
guys. Gotta tell you, if you've got a loud vehicle
or a lifted vehicle, the only people you're impressing
are the other guys with a vehicle just like yours.
Yes. And if that's who you want to go to bed
with, then fine. But if you think you're getting
any pussy, no, you're not. You're not. They're
thinking, number one, that guy has a small penis.
Yeah. I've confirmed that over and over with
friends of my wife. Is that... Truly what you
think when you see a guy with a big lifted truck?
Oh, yeah, micropenis. No, yeah, I've asked him
if women, friends, and wife and all that, you
know, yeah, that's what they think. They're like,
what is that guy hiding that he has to have that?
Usually micropenis. And you spend, you know,
75 grand on an artificial penis that he can drive
around and try to impress people with. Yep. Hey,
well, if he enjoys it, you know, knock yourself
out, dude. Ford sure appreciates the money. Yeah,
and they'll keep you on the hook for 8 % interest
because you have to have it. I'm not meaning
to imply that only Ford owners have micropenises.
Dodge owners, Chevy, all of them. Micropenises
are spread among all the car brands and trucks
and motorcycle brands. Maybe we need to come
up with a list to identify men with micropenis
syndrome. Oh, yeah. Maybe next week? Yeah, let's
work on what do... Micro Penises Drive, Woody
Douchebags Drive. Yeah. Okay, that's a good idea.
I like that. Yeah. All right, I'm going to put
that in my phone as going to do if you want to
go ahead and start on the next subject. All right,
I've got original band names versus the band
name you know them under. Uh -huh. Some of these
you'll know, I'm sure. First one up, we got Tom
and Jerry. Who do you think they became? I don't
know. Simon and Garfunkel. I mentioned that,
I think, a couple episodes ago where they got
together as Tom and Jerry, put out a song, and
then broke up, and then reformed later as Simon
and Garfunkel. Yep. Next up, Mookie Blaylock.
You know who that was? Yeah. Pearl Jam. Really?
Yep. Wow. Pearl Jam was originally called Mookie
Blaylock. Okay, wow. Next band, they started
out as On A Friday. That's not a bad name, On
A Friday. No, not at all. Yeah. But they eventually
became Radiohead. Okay. I was put in mind of
Sheryl Crow's album, the Tuesday Evening... What
was it, Tuesday Night Social Club? Yeah. So she'd
get together with some other musicians on Tuesday
night and jam. So she wound up calling the album
that, but I guess Radiohead used to get together
on a Friday to practice, so they just called
their band on a Friday. Like that? Yeah. The
Obelisk. Renamed themselves The Cure. Okay. Robert
Smith. Here's a good one, Smile. They were dental
students. They became Queen. Queen? Oh, wait
a minute. Queen was originally Smile. Yeah, that's
right. I knew that. Atomic Mass was the first
name of Def Leppard. Oh, wow. If you've ever
watched The Voice, especially the early seasons,
you probably know this one. Kara's Flowers. Adam
Levine? In this band Maroon 5. Oh, it was? Maroon
5? Yeah, Maroon 5 was originally Kara's Flowers,
but Adam Levine told that story over and over
on the show. Maybe that's where I kind of got
the idea. Okay. The Pendletons. Wait a minute,
I knew that. It starts with the. Go ahead. The
Beach Boys. The Beach Boys. Yeah. Now, they changed
the name because there was a company called Pendleton.
They didn't want any beef with them. There's
also a town named Pendleton in Oregon, and they
had no association with them. So, like, eh. And
they really did name themselves after the sweater.
Okay. But they thought, eh, we don't want to
fight them for legal rights, so they just changed
it. Here's a good one. Sweet Children. Okay.
That was Green Day. Wow. What a name. Yeah. Mr.
Crow's Garden became the Black Crows. That makes
sense. That makes sense, yeah. The Band -Aid
Boys. Okay. This one you'll never guess. They
became Bone Thugs -N -Harmony. They were originally
the Band -Aid Boys. They're, again, a brand name,
so they couldn't use that once they got signed.
Yeah. The Young Aborigines. They became the Beastie
Boys. Oh, wow. Yeah. Uh, here's one you'll know.
Wicked Lester. Oh yeah, Kiss. Kiss, yeah. Uh,
The Screaming Ab -Dabs. I don't know. Pink Floyd.
No kidding. What, what, whatever. I mean, do
you ever associate screaming with Pink Floyd?
No. Never. No, no. And what's an Ab -Dab? I'm
not really sure. Something they saw on a NASA
trip? I don't know. Wow. Uh, Soft White Underbelly.
Wait a minute, that rings a bell. Yep. It's a
70s band. Go ahead. Blue Oyster Cult. Okay, that's
it. Yep. They used to, when they'd get ready
for a new tour, they'd go out and do a few dates
as Soft White Underbelly to practice the tour.
Yeah, and no one would know who they were. Yep,
they just thought they were Blue Oyster Cult
cover band. Yeah. These guys do a really good
job. Man, they even look just like them. Yes.
The Salty Peppers. Some red hot chili peppers?
You'd think, but it was earth, wind, and fire.
Wow. Okay. Neat. Here's a good one. Pud. Is there
muddle of pud? No. No? It's the Doobie Brothers.
Oh, I mean... Puddle of mud. Yeah, we called
them muddle of pud. Who was it? The Doobie Brothers.
The Doobie Brothers. Okay. They called themselves
Pud. Pud. I'm surprised they didn't call it putz.
Is that too? Both fit. Okay, Burn the Priest.
This is a current band that we recently talked
about. There was some controversy over a music
festival they were supposedly playing. Oh, shit.
Go ahead. Lamb of God. Lamb of God. Yep, they
were originally called Burn the Priest. I can
imagine their record label saying, no, no, no,
no. You can't say Burn the Priest. Oh, I can
see that, too. They were also named something
else before that, too. They had two names. Yeah,
yeah. Oh, well, it doesn't matter. Tony Flo and
the Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem.
I don't know. That was the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Okay. But, no, you know what? You're right about
that. Burn the Priest, they had to. Yeah, there's
stores that would definitely not sell that album.
Yeah. The last one, the Polka -Tolk Band. So
many of these are familiar, and I know them,
but I can't remember who is that. You'll kick
yourself. Black Sabbath. Black Sabbath, okay.
That was before they were Earth. Yeah, I had
never heard of the Polka -Tolk Band. That's actually
in three books. It's in Geezer Butler's book.
Oh, wow. It's in Tony Iommi's book, and it's
in one of Ozzy's books. So what I got left is
11 pages of really odd band names. Okay. We won't
do all 11 pages of this. Okay, give me a second
here, and I've got some more stuff. Oh, you can
go ahead and go into that. All right. Now let's
start with the A's. Now these are actually bands
that registered their name. So this isn't just,
you know, some one -off. These people actually
registered their name so no one else could take
it. The Above Average Weight Band. Abracadabra.
That's a good one. I like that. The Abstract
Penis Brigade. Oh, I like that one the best.
Admiral Poopypants and His Dancing Teeth. Afghanistan
Banana Stand. Wow. Here's one I really like.
The Al Roker Death Cult Wind Ensemble. Wow. Alzheimer's.
Alzheimer's. The Albino Toilet Boys. Here's another
one. Alcoholocost. All of these are great names,
but probably names that wouldn't make it. Yeah,
yeah. Alien Nymphos from Uranus. That's my favorite.
Alien Sex Fiend. All You Can Eat. All You Can
Eat. That sounds a little weird. Love that. The
Almighty Lumberjacks of Death. Very cool. Amish
Meth Lab. This one cracked me up. Amputato. Amputato.
I want to see what that looks like. Anal speech
therapy. An emotional fish. Angry amputees. I
want to see them perform. Yeah, me too. Anus
the menace. Apocalypse Hoboken. Okay. Armed and
hammered. Okay. The Arrogant Worms. Ashtray Boy.
Here's one I've actually heard of. The Atomic
Bitchwax. They actually do concerts, put out
albums. They're associated loosely with Monster
Magnet. Oh, okay. They tour together sometimes.
The Avenging Lawnmowers of Justice. And Ayatollah
Mama Please. Okay. So that's the A's. Some of
them were drug -induced, I'm certain. I really
like the Al Roker Death Cult Wind Ensemble. That's
great. Who the hell came up with that is what
I'd like to know. So, you want me to go into
the B's? Yeah, yeah. You have to go a little
bit here because I've got a little business I'm
doing. I'm listening, but... All right. Baldilocks.
Baldy locks? Baldy locks. Oh, I love that. Ballpoint
banana. Yeah, that's cool. Bologna ponies. Yeah,
bologna ponies. That probably has something to
do with the penis. Barefoot hockey goalie. Like
that? Barf. Barf? I love that one. That's just
straight to the point. Barnyard slut. The Barry
White Boys. Like that one did. I hope it's a
bunch of white guys doing Barry White. That would
be funny as hell. The Barstool Prophets. Uh -huh.
Bass Holes. Bass Holes? The Beatnik Termites.
Like that one? Ben Dover and the Screamers. Bernie
the Trailer Park Queen and the Deadbeat Dads.
That's pretty good. That's good? Bimbo Tool Shed.
I don't know what it means, but it just sounds
good. It sounds great. Whatever it is. Bjorn
Again. Bjorn Again. Bleeding Rectum. Oh. Yeah.
I would go see a band called that. Below Hid
Scrotum. Hey, hey, hey, Topher, who are you going
to go watch tonight again? Bloated Scrotum. Hey,
do they have any tickets left? You know who's
opening? Bloated Tick. Oh, yeah. Oh, but Steel's
opening. Cool. All right. Blood Sledge Electric
Death Chickens. No, no, I'm going to go see Blood
Sledge Electric Death Chickens. I love Electric
Death Chickens. I want to know what those are.
Bloody Stools. Blue Balls Deluxe. I wouldn't
go see them. Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children
McNuggets. That's nasty. This one's good. The
Bourbon Tabernacle Choir. I bet they don't play
in Salt Lake City. The Brady Bunch Lawnmower
Massacre. Oh, man. Alice. It got Alice. Brutal
Noodle. That could be Brutal Noodle. Hey, man,
I'm going to say Brutal Noodle. Yeah, okay. Buffed
Naked and the Bare Bottom Boys. I would not go
there. No, I don't want to see that. Bulimia
Banquet. This looks like throw up. Well, ah.
That's just so bad. Burger pimp. The bus station
loonies. Oh, okay. Buster Hyman and the penetrators.
They put some thought into that. I'm Buster Hyman
and these are the penetrators. That's fantastic.
Butt trumpet. Butt trumpet? There's the B's.
Okay. That just cracks me up to no end. I just
love these. Yeah, and we can come back to them
if you want, I guess. Definitely. I wanted to
save some of those for each episode. I got the
whole alphabet's worth. I'll give you a sneak
peek from the V's. Yeah, please. This is the
biggest one I'm thinking of yet. Vomit launch.
How would you like to go see a band called Vomit
Launch? I would. I'd be first in line. I'd be
wearing a raincoat. That's for damn sure. Yeah,
and a face mask. All right. Oh, my gosh. Something
a little bit more, I don't know, not serious,
but intriguing. All of Ozzy's family members
and friends. are having the same dream about
him. Oh, wow. Yes. It's really vivid, really
lucid. I mean, you know, it's one of those dreams
that you swore he was there, right? We've all
had those. All right. And he says on every one
of them, just stop fucking crying. Wow. That's
how Ozzy keeps showing up months after his death,
according to Jack Osborne, and the family can't
ignore what's been happening. The dreams are
vivid, consistent. This is what they shared with
people. Ozzy isn't fragile or fading. He's loud,
laughing, and completely himself. And it's not
just Jack. His kids, their spouses, close friends,
they're all seeing the same version of him. Strong,
sharp, unapologetically Ozzy. After his final
concert and sudden passing, these encounters
feel less like Frank playing tricks and more
like a message. And if it is this one, it sounds
exactly like it is what they're saying. Yeah.
Jack Osborne has revealed that members of the
Osborne family have been experiencing the same
dream ever since his death. And the co -founder
of Black Sabbath, one of the most influential
figures in rock history, died July of 1976. His
death came just weeks after his huge star -studded
farewell concert. And he helped define the generation.
On two kings, with Sabbath and man on his own.
That's true. Yeah. So, speaking with Billy Morrison,
which is one of his best friends and also a musician,
an interview with SiriusXM, Jack described a
series of recurring dreams shared by multiple
family members in which his father appears healthy,
animated, and amused. Morrison added that he,
too, had dreamed about Ozzy, offering reassurance
to the family. He's good, Jack. He's not in pain,
he said. The moments Jack suggested feels less
like ordinary dreams and more like reminders
of Aussie heretic humor and a personality trait
to define both his public persona and private
life. Isn't that interesting? You know, I've
heard stories of people having identical dreams
on different nights and on the same night. Yeah,
I have too. There's a lot of that. It's a well
-reported phenomenon. Yep. So I would not be
surprised about this. I wouldn't either. What
a comforting message. He's not coming back saying,
it's all horrible here and I wish I was tough.
No, he's like, move on. I'm fine. Everything's
great. Go live your life and I'll see you in
a while. Yeah, I like that. Pretty interesting
stuff, that's for sure. Let's see, you got anything
you want to go into? All I've got left is band
-aids. I'm sorry. Oh, well, I do have something
on Amy Schumer. Do the Amy Schumer. I got one
about Kurt Cobain. You know, you're familiar
with Amy Schumer. She's a blonde comedian, actress.
She's always been somewhat on the chunky side.
Yes. And she's been an advocacy for, you know,
fat acceptance or body positivity or loving yourself
or however they framed it various times during
history. But she has always embraced, you know,
this is what size I am and I don't care. I love
myself. This is me. Well, now she's gotten a
hold of the weight loss drugs, the pill and the
injection. Lycozepic or Trizepic. Yeah. And now
she's skinny. And she's done three things. One,
she divorced her husband. Two, she got on her
own social media accounts and deleted every picture
of herself as fat and every reference she ever
made to body acceptance, body positivity, etc.
She's not funny anymore, is she? And now she's
Miss Skinny and she wants to be a sex symbol
and wants everyone to love on her. And this is
not just limited to her. There are a lot of former
celebrities who were formerly fat that have now
taken the weight loss drugs. And everything they
always said about love yourself, who you are,
that's suddenly gone now that they're skinny.
That's a good point. Yep. Yeah, they were like,
I'm fat and I'm proud. I'm big and chunky. Love
yourself. This is, you know, we have curves.
We have size. Well, now they're skinny. They're
all about, look how skinny I am. Look how sexy
I am. And deleting all the old pictures. Yep.
So it tells you once again that they were always
just telling you what was going to be good for
their career. So how many times do celebrities
have to lie to the American public before we
realize they're always lying to us? Every word
out of their mouth serves them. It's not the
truth. It just serves them. And they will say
and do anything to further their career. So quit
paying attention to them. So that just figures.
Yeah, it does. Now that she got a cheap and easy
way out, suddenly skinny's where it's at. Everybody
should be skinny. Look how hot I am. I have no
respect for that. She never meant what she said.
Never. She looked at the mirror and didn't like
it, but she sure was going to offer all her,
oh yeah, all that grandstanding. Yep. There's
a new report. You're done with that, right? Yeah.
Okay, there's a new report. Kurt Cobain may have
been murdered. I saw something about that. Yeah.
The new report claims this was a homicide, and
we've got to do something about this, said the
detective involved, or actually investigator.
Yeah. Forensic specialist Brian Burnett urges
Seattle police to reopen Kurt Cobain's death
case. Burnett's team claims evidence suggests
murder, not suicide, involving heroin overdose
and a forged note. Yeah. Authorities maintain
case closure. If we're wrong, just prove it to
us, says Wilkins. Which, to me, that's a very
ominous sign, isn't it? Yeah. If we're wrong,
prove it. Yep. That means they're stout. Yep.
He would have been like, that's not true. Stop
it. Yeah. He's like, it's almost like he's telling
him, we got away with it and you're not going
to change anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I thought
that answer was exactly like it sounds. Well,
the key points I remember from before is the
note he wrote, up until the point where the handwriting
changes, it looks like it's a note saying, I'm
leaving Nirvana for good, I'm leaving Courtney
for good. But after that, it suddenly looks like
a suicide note, and it's in a different hand.
I can believe that. The second thing was the
amount of heroin in Kurt's system. was enough
to bring on pretty much immediate loss of consciousness.
So he did not have time to put all of his hair
and stuff away, back in its little kit, neatly
put away. He did not have time to aim the shotgun
at his head and use his toe to pull the trigger.
Yeah, I read that too. From the moment that plunger
was pushed in, he was out. He was unconscious
and he was never waking up. So somebody else
had to do all those other things. And now this
recent report, I think, raises some other questions
having to do with blood chemistry. And they're
saying when people die, their blood chemistry
change is unpredictable. Hey, my fellow heavy
breathers, this is Dash Riptide with your music
news. Glenn Hughes, the legendary bassist, lead
singer of many, many great bands, such as Deep
Purple, Black Sabbath. Black Country Communion,
California Breed, and so on and so on. He had
a U .S. tour planned for this April. Glenn unfortunately
had to cancel due to what had been described
as a minor medical issue. I already had seats
for legendary rocker Knuckleheads, but like most
times, I try to see him and it gets canceled.
Glenn, I love you, but no more. Third time getting
jerked is enough. We do wish you a full and speedy
recovery, and hopefully a full and speedy recovery
of my fucking money. Again, sorry, not sorry.
This is Gash Riptine, and that was your music
news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear
damage, just like me. And they've analyzed blood
samples and they say this was not a quick immediate
death from the gunshot one. This was a slow death
from overdosing on heroin. And the gunshot came
later. They're not necessarily saying that the
gunshot was after he's already dead. But he was
on his way to death. He was past the point of
recovery. And his body was breaking down and
breaking apart. And then somebody shot him. There
was no way he could have done it to himself.
Just not. Okay, so they think that they shot
him up with all their heroin and then... And
then killed him. And then killed him. Okay. So
that way Courtney could retain financial control.
over the vast Nirvana fortune. Yeah, and also,
another thing is, if there's people doing this,
then the thing is, is they know he wasn't putting
out any more music. He was quitting anyhow. And
also, In Euro was not selling. No, it wasn't.
It was dead in the water. People just gave up
on Nirvana. They didn't really care. There was
a lot of other bands that were doing it better.
Yes. And Allison Change is going crazy right
there. Soundgarden. I mean, there are other bands
that took their spot. Yeah. And so to get back
on something like that, to get back on track,
what works the best? Someone dying. Yep. Now
it's all nostalgia and post -mortem and gee,
what could have been. Smells like Nevermind.
Yeah. Smells like, yeah, that was on the song,
on the album. Nevermind went back to number one
and stayed number one for like a half a year.
Yep. Every one of their albums were like one,
two, three, and four. It worked perfectly. It
did. It brought all of grudge back, not part
of it, but all of it back. Suddenly it's in full
force again. And that's almost another big reason
why it doesn't make sense that it was just a
random suicide. Way too many people benefited
millions, if not billions of dollars by this
happening. Anytime that happens, you need to
look. You need to look and go, wait a minute.
How much do people have to benefit from this?
And seriously, if you're an intelligent investor
and you've been smart with your money, etc.,
do you just sit around waiting for good opportunities
to drop in your lap, or do you go out and create
opportunities? Yeah. You go out and create them.
Yeah. Forensic Specialist Brian Burnett urges
Seattle Police to reopen Kurt Cobain's death
case. Burnett team claims evidence suggests murder,
not suicide, involving heroin overdose and a
forged note, like you said. Yeah. Authorities
maintain case closure. If we're wrong, just prove
it to us as Wilkins. So, you know, to me, like
I'll go over that again. That right there is
telling. So telling. Think about that statement
just in general. If we're wrong, prove it to
us. Yeah. That means there's wiggle room. Yeah.
I remember also from the original documentary
I saw on this, when the Seattle police responded
to the scene, if it was Seattle or some suburb
of Seattle or whatever, they set about rearranging
and tidying up the crime scene before they even
let in the photographer or the CSI investigation
unit. The cops that responded to it went in and
sanitized the crime scene first. See, that's
completely... Then they let the photographer
and the crime scene investigator in. Yeah. Yep.
And no explanation why. And nothing was ever
done to those two cops. There was never any formal
inquiry. There was never nothing. So they were
told to go in and, okay, take care of this, take
care of that, scrub that, plant this, blah, blah,
whatever. That's awful, awful suspicious right
there. That is guilty moves to me. Yeah, yeah.
When the police go in and alter the crime scene
right off the bat, no, it's not real. It's not
above board. Kurt Cobain died April 5, 1997,
aged 27, in his home in Seattle, Washington.
The cause of death was ruled as a self -inflicted
gunshot wound. Almost three decades later, this
new report suggests that Cobain was murdered
with the perpetrators forging a suicide note,
like you said. And like you said, the first part
of it was probably real because it wasn't actually
a suicide note. Yeah, yeah. And I think they
very quickly disposed of his body so they could
not run any more tests upon it. We're just stuck
with the samples they took. And I think even
the house itself has been burned or removed or
something. It has been. So the actual place where
it happened just doesn't even exist anymore.
Yeah. So it's too much of a coincidence that
all these things are being erased. They're never
going to prove this. then they're never even
going to try to. So it's whoever done it, they
got away with it, without a doubt. So, anyhow.
I mean, they can't be prosecuted, but most people
know, yeah, somebody did it, he was murdered,
he didn't just end it. Yeah, and I don't think
they're going to go try to figure out who did
it at this point. They're just like, okay, it
happened, we don't know. Whoever did do it is
so well protected, you'll never get near them.
So this guy goes on to say there are things in
the autopsy that go, well, wait a minute. This
person died very quickly of a gunshot blast,
said independent researcher Michelle Wilkins.
The necrosis of the brain and liver happens in
an overdose. It doesn't happen in a shotgun death,
Burnett and Wilkins proposed, that Cobain was
drugged against his will, causing the death by
heroin overdose. The killers then allegedly shot
the rock star and made the scene look like a
suicide. So they didn't know that all of this
heroin was going to kill him for sure. So while
he was under, they're like, all right, well,
we're going to go ahead and blow his face off
and make sure that the job is done. Yeah, it's
bizarre because they probably would have had
a better chance of getting away with this if
they just let him die as they overdosed and then
not tidy up afterwards. But for some reason,
they wanted to make it look like a violent suicide.
I think that was going to sell more albums. oh,
this tragic artist ended his own life rather
than, yeah, this dumb junkie just took too much
and died. Yeah, no, you're right. It's a more
sellable story if he's a tortured artist who
ended his own life early and you go, oh, that
poor guy, let's buy his album. You know what?
I would have believed that. I would have believed
that more if it was just like that. It's like,
okay, he got carried away with a heroin. Yeah.
Because there's a nomadic. Yeah. Wilkins also
argued that Cobain's suicide would have been
logistically impossible given his physically
incapacitated. Thank you. Everyone knows I butcher
the English language, and I'm proud of it. So,
all right. His incapacitated state. He's dying
of an overdose, so he can barely breathe. His
blood isn't pumping very much. I mean, he's in
a coma, and he's holding this up to be able to
reach the trigger and to get in his mouth. It's
crazy. Multiple reports to reopen the case have
been rejected by Seattle Police Department. And
that's when they said, again, if we're wrong,
just prove it. Which tells me that they're being
paid. Or threatened to keep it hidden. And they're
telling you, it ain't going to work. You can
have all the evidence in the world. You can have
a video of it happening. We're still not going
to reopen the case because we cashed the check.
Yeah, it's done. It's been paid for. Yep. Forget
it. Yep. So I guess that would be the, you know,
at least they're honest that they stay bought.
Yeah. When you buy the justice system of the
city of Seattle, they stay bought. To me, the
hidden message of that is there's a wiggle room.
Yeah. That statement alone raises eyebrows. Like,
what? Wait a minute. Yeah, you're basically telling
people, it's like, yeah, I got away with it.
Prove it. Make me. Yeah, prove it. Yeah. Pretty
much a middle finger right in the face. Yeah.
Wow. Wow. Okay. I have the Darth Vader story,
but you got something. You want to hear the sea
bandings? Yeah, yeah. Let's do it. Let's do the
seas. Candy Striper Death Orgy. I can't pick
a favorite. These are so good. I know. Chain
Smoking Ultra Boys. That's a pretty good one.
That's really good. The Charging Tyrannosaurus
of Despair. You know what? I'd pay the copyright
off for that name. Cherry Coke Enema. Chickens
on Smack. That's fucking awesome. This one not
everyone will get. Chief Brody and the Bigger
Boat. That's freaking brilliant. Isn't that brilliant?
Ding, ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. Google
it. Chocolate bunnies from hell. That's good.
That's great. Colon on the cob. Colon on the
cob. That's almost as bad as colostomy grab bag.
Oh, my God. Where do you find these damn things?
Concrete Octopus. The Couch Slugs. The Couch
Slugs, yeah. Crappy the Clown and the Punch -Drunk
Monkeys. That's going to be a new character.
Crappy the Clown and the Punch -Drunk Monkeys.
All right, look for a bit. And finally, Cycle
Sluts from Hell. That's the C's. There's some
good ones in D, too. Oh, go ahead. Okay. For
the Ds, we have dancing cigarettes. Now, I remember
TV commercials with dancing cigarettes. Yeah,
yeah. And a dancing pack. Yeah, I remember that.
Like, Hell Mel, maybe, or something. Yeah, that's
right. Yeah, I think so. Okay. Danger wank. Danger
wank. Like that one? Dead fish prophecy. That's
bad. The Dead Milkmen. I've actually heard of
them. Who? The Dead Milkmen. Yeah, they cut that
name. Yeah. They also listed Dead Kennedys, but
I crossed that off because maybe I already heard
of them. One of the best punk names ever. Yes.
Debbie Harry's Armpit Crew. Oh, speaking of the
Dead Kennedys and all that, we were asked to
come up with the best punk name ever for a band
on an email. I went with Johnny Gash. Oh. That's
a punk from hell. Yeah. Yikes. Yeah. That would
be, if you're a punk, you go, I cannot wait to
see this band. Yeah. I came up with stink, wrinkle,
and his skid marks. Oh, my God. Actually, Cindy
helped me come up with that one. She gave me
the stink, wrinkle, and I came up with the skid
marks. Oh, nice. Dick Duck and the Dorks. That
has a ring to it. The Dick Nixons. The Dick Nixons.
Dicks on Fire. I want no part of that name. Diesel
Dick and the Dipsticks. I like that one. This
one's good. Dirt Clawed Fight. Dirt Clawed Fight.
Oh, I love that. I've had a few of those. Yeah,
me too. Uh, disgruntled postal workers. I've
been that. And actually, I've heard of that band.
Yeah. Uh, dog food five. Oh, okay. Dogs with
jobs. Okay. Uh, kind of like animals as leaders,
I guess. Yeah, something along that line. Don
Knotts overdrive. I can't imagine him having
an overdrive, but okay. No, I couldn't either.
See right now. That's Mr. Furley. So we got Dow
Jones and the Industrials. Downy Mildew. Okay,
I like that. And they're talking about probably
the fabric. Yeah. Dracula Milk Toast. All right.
Drag King. We hear about drag queens. What about
drag kings? Yeah, you know what? They've got
to be fair, right? Yeah. We should have more
drag kings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Drive -by crucifixion.
Good. Okay. Drive -in funeral. Okay. Drunks with
guns. Okay. Drunken, ugly basement brothers.
Duck butter. Duck butter. The Dukes of Hazardous
Material. I wonder if they have a hazmat clip.
Placard is like their symbol. Yes. And then finally,
Dumpster Juice. That might be the best. That
would be a great punk band. Hey, who are you
going to go see tonight? Dumpster Juice and Johnny
Gash and Skid Wrinkle. And Fuckhammer. And Fuckhammer,
yes. Stink wrinkle in the skid marks. Yes. I
got to bring you that Fuckhammer flyer. Yeah.
That I found. You're going to laugh because people
bet on it. They thought it was a real band. Yeah,
they absolutely did. Yeah, I took that Legs Diamond
Ugly Glam Band from L .A. back in the 80s, and
I took a picture of them, went to Xerox. Remember
at the Xerox stores? Oh, yeah. Had them impose
it on a flyer. Put it all around Westport. That's
awesome. Okay, and it worked. As a matter of
fact, what was the name of that? Gosh, I can't
remember the name of the bar that the guy was.
He said, find me that guy that's doing that.
He was pissed. Oh, well, anyhow, I'll think of
it later. All right. Who was Darth Hideous? Good
question. Well, I'd since found out through you
that it was a term, a derogatory term towards
women at one time. Yeah, it was a term used for
women who weren't considered attractive enough
to spend any time with. They were referred to
as dark hideous. Okay. Well, it was also, it
was a derogatory nickname used by critics, including
former bandmates like Bob Daisley, for Sharon
Osbourne. Yeah. Especially when she got so skinny.
Oh, yeah, I bet, yeah. Yeah, she's getting skeletor.
Yep. Referencing her controlling management style
and alleged ruthlessness business tactics regarding
Ozzy Osbourne's career, the term often appears
in fan discussions criticizing her for removing
the band members' images, royalty disputes, and
handling of legacy, particularly concerning Randy
Ropes. Yeah. Randy was going to quit the band
and not record Diary of a Madman. Ozzy punched
Randy in the face and told him he was going to
record the album. All this is what Bob Daisley
said, and you can take it for what it is. Randy
wanted to go back to his true passion, classical
guitar, and being a teacher. And I'd like to
add that in several interviews, and I have a
couple of DVDs that were released a long time
ago in the late 90s or early 2000s, where Ozzy
admitted that he didn't say he punched him in
the face. He said that Randy came to him and
said he was going to quit, and all he said was,
we're just starting to make it, son. You've got
to keep going. He didn't say he punched him in
the face, but I know there's at least that discussion.
Rudy Sarzo, which is another guy that was around,
was talking about this too, was talking on Billy
Corgan's podcast about how mind -blowing Blizzard
Lost sounded, but how Diary of a Madman, the
album as a whole, sounded so different, and it
took him... wild to really understand and appreciate.
Right off, I thought it was brilliant because
of the transition. It went to more mystical with
heavy parts instead of all heavy, just blistering.
It was perfect, I thought. I thought Diary was
a masterpiece when I heard it. I agree. I thought
it was next level from Blizzard of Oz. I agree.
Almost prog metal. I think this is where the
band was headed if Dark Hideous had not ruined
it. This is interesting that Billy Corgan did
this podcast and put this in here. He's really
good friends with Sharon. Wow. Do you think maybe
she didn't like this being broadcast? Probably
not. Yeah. But then again, Billy Corgan, who
I really like now, I didn't think how much of
him before. I mean, not like didn't like him,
I just didn't realize his brilliance. Yeah. So...
I think that he is probably savvying up being
like, hey, Sharon, I am just doing this because
this is what I do. I report what people are saying.
You're welcome to come on and rebuttal. Yeah,
nothing wrong with that. Her management style
was frequently described as greedy, vindictive,
and controlling. Well, that's kind of what you
want in a manager when they're working for you.
No, I know. I'm thinking she's doing her job.
Yeah. Controversies include involved in removing
bassist Bob Daisley and drummer Lee Kerslake
from reissues and allegedly failing to pay proper
royalties. Now I know there's been all kinds
of lawsuits from many, many numerous people.
So there's something going on there. Yeah, it
sounds like Sharon came up with a scheme to skim
off the royalties and it's not working very well.
Yes, and I think that the two original knew what
they had. Lee Kerslake and Bob Daisley knew what
they had in that, and they're like, no, uh -uh.
Yeah. Lee Kerslake only got his platinum album
when he was like six months from death because
he requested it. He begged for it. It's just
vindictive. Yeah, they sent it to him finally.
I have no respect for that. I'm sorry. It also
shows you that Sharon ran the show because I
don't think Ozzy would have done that. Yeah.
Often criticized by hardcore fans for her actions
regarding Ozzy's legacy and treatment of musicians
as discussed on many shows, how she destroyed
a great band. There's plenty more, but that gets
everything across in this article. It goes intricate
into a lot of different business deals, but who
cares? Take out for what it is. You can't argue
that... Ozzie's career was a great success, but
at the same time, what could it have been if
Sharon had been a little kinder and gentler and
more flexible on some things? To me, she took
what her dad did downward and amplified it. Yeah.
Oh, even Tony Iommi, who's friends with her,
said, all the things that we thought her dad
was going to do to us, she did to us. Yeah, she's
wanted to do. prove to daddy she can do it better.
Yeah, I think there's a little bit of that involved.
Yeah. And I think you get wrapped up in yourself
after that, and then it's kind of like a game
with yourself, like, uh -uh, they're not getting
by on me. Yeah. When actually, it shouldn't have
been anything like that at all. So, all right.
You got something? You want to go with the Easter?
Yeah. Sure. How long have we got? An hour and
17. Okay. Let's keep going. That's too short
for a music break. All right. The E band names.
E. coli. Like that? Earth, pig, and fire. And
they could legally do that, too, because it is
not the name. No. It's close to. Elastic sausage.
I like that one a lot. Electric owl and the poison
dart frog McNuggets. That's good, but a little
too long. A little too long, yeah. I like this
one. Endangered feces. Epileptic disco. Evil
beaver. Oh, I love that one. Experimental barbecue.
And exploding head trick. You can probably do
that once. Yeah, that is a trick. The F ones
are pretty short, too. We have The Farting Ghosts.
Cool. The Farts, with a Z. Very cool. Fat Welfare
Moms on Dust. I think dust is slang for Molly.
Oh, for Molly? That would be the date break drug?
Ecstasy. Ecstasy, okay, yeah. Fat Welfare Moms
on Dust. Oh, man. The Fierce Nipples. Five fat
guys who rock. Flaming box of ants. Oh, I like
that. Yeah. Four nurses of the apocalypse. That's
a good one. Four out of five doctors. Oh, I love
that. That we paid. They don't put that in there.
That we paid. Yes. Hey, all right. How's it going?
Good. How are you doing? I'm just hanging out,
man. All right. You didn't get chased off this
time. She's going to get at least an ass picture.
I'm like, really? Well, I got Fender. The guitar.
All right. Do a little rocking for me. Thank
you. Nice. All right. We just got a little serenade
from our buddy. Nice musical interlude. Where
was I? Oh, I was back on the F names. Full metal
chicken. Very cool. Funky green dogs from outer
space. Okay. Furious George. I love that. Let's
go on to the Gs. Gangway fathead. Gay Bikers
on Acid. Most number of these have four words
in the name. It's not a good rhythm, four words.
The Gaza Strippers. That's a good one. That's
a good one. Here's one. Gee, that's a large beetle.
I wonder if it's poisonous. Love it. Gefilte
Joe and the Fish. Okay. Girl Scout Hand Grenade.
Oh, I love that one. That sounds like a type
of weed, doesn't it? It does, don't it? Here's
one. Go, Nad, Go. Gonorrhea Pizzeria. Oh, okay.
Grandmaster Ass Blaster and the Pimp Slap Crew.
Gravity Ass. Grim skunk. Grim skunk. I like that
one. This one's like a gringo star. There's one
later. It's called Mary Tyler Morphine. I just
love that one. The grilled cheese fiasco. Guess
my perversion. Guns and wankers. Guns and wankers.
My favorite was the one that they did, Cunts
and Noses. That would be a good one. When I saw
that, I'm like, oh my. And a band actually was
going around doing that. But not everybody would
hire them. No, I imagine not. Should I keep going?
Well, I got a... You can, yeah, you can, but
eventually here, this is not music, but it is,
I asked AI for a list of products that would
fail, that were horrible. Some of them are good,
some of them are like, what? You know, I tried
to get a list of songs about body parts, but
there's just so many of them. Making heart and
hand and head. Oh, yeah, yeah. Femur, eyeball,
earlobe, hair follicle. There's just so many,
so I gave up on that. Yeah, you could compartmentalize
it, you know, just kind of like you. Just going
to work on the hand today. Yeah. All right, so
I went to AI, and I asked for a list of horrible
product ideas. And this is what it gave me. shampoo
flavored energy drink oh for hair with body yeah
and now your heart too was there oh i've got
to admit that is pretty original and it's pretty
good yeah and it makes sense it tastes horrible
but oh yeah i think everybody has been victim
to getting a little bit of shampoo in their mouth
at some time yeah a little dish soap in your
coffee cup Yeah, yeah, allegedly. Oh, I'm talking
about when you're a kid and you cuss. But yeah,
in your coffee mug too. Yeah, yeah. All right,
next one. A smart mattress that posts your sleep
stats to social media. Nothing like your friends
reacted to your 3 .17 a .m. anxiety spike. Yes.
That would be horrible. Or you could just say,
not anxiety, that was just masturbating. Oh,
no, it might have one for that, too. Yeah. Subject
is probably masturbating due to heart rate, but
we cannot confirm it because we don't actually
have a camera angle. Oh, it's over in two minutes?
Yeah, he was masturbating. Oh, yeah, he was masturbating.
I heard his phone click. He was looking at the
phone. All right. Oh, God. The next one. deconstructed
frozen pizza, just a bag of cold flour, shredded
cheese, and emotional regret. This AI, most of
these were very, very good. Did you know that
whole deconstructed craze for a while back? Yes,
I think that's why it, yeah. But you know, none
of that stuff was deconstructed because that
means you put it together and then take it back
apart. Yeah, that's right. It was just unfinished,
unassembled. Unfinished, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, deconstructing
is completely different. It had to be constructed
first before you could deconstruct it. Exactly.
But they just took the parts and just threw them.
So there you go. Yeah. We're not even going to
finish putting this together, and we'll give
it a fancy name and charge you 20 % more. Yep.
And people like Frazier Crane would do it. Yes.
He's a perfect example of fear of missing out.
Yeah. He is one of the best characters ever written.
Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I tell you, he was so complex
but so general and he was really good. And one
of the best things they ever did to this character
is you never felt sorry for him for how screwed
up his life got because he did it to himself.
Yeah. He always did it to himself over and over
and over. It's like you just didn't feel sorry
for him. You just laughed at him. No, you're
just going, yeah, that's him. That's Ranger Crane.
Yep. How's he going to screw up this relationship?
Yeah. How about a new cologne called Audet DMV?
The luxury fragrance inspired by burnt coffee,
paperwork, and despair. Oh, and lots of hair
product. And lots of hair product, yes. Oh, my
God. For all the guys with Corvettes. All the
old men with Corvettes. Plastic cars. Yes. How
about a phone case that randomly shocks you?
To keep you in the present. I like that. Yeah,
that is a good one. That would be great. So they're
talking to you. You know, it's kind of like the
backup quarterback where the lady's talking about
a breakup. And then they bring in, oh, who was
his name? Oh, yeah. Backup quarterback. Yeah.
Yeah, a little stand -in guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool. I like it. Keeps
you present. Here's an idea. This would have
worked out better a number of years ago when
people still give a damn about their voicemails.
But get an app that randomly changes your outgoing
message on your voicemail. Oh, yeah. Usually
to something inappropriate. Yeah, I would love
that. But now nobody cares about voicemail anymore,
so it wouldn't work. Yeah, most people go, oh,
they've seen I called. That's enough. Yeah. I
haven't checked my voicemail in probably two
years. Oh, me neither. Yeah, everything's good.
Thank you. Did you need anything? I'm good. Okay.
Thank you. How about a Bluetooth -enabled toothbrush
that treats live tweets or hygiene? It even used
my name. It knows that I typed it in, and it
said, as an example, Mark Mr. Moeller again.
Oh, God. Yeah. You know, there probably are some
people that would like to have that. I'm sure.
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. How about hope only orange
juice? Oh. No liquid, just wet sadness. I don't
know. That might be kind of neat. It'd kind of
be like one of those push -ups melted. You'd
need a spoon and a lot of time to chew. It'd
be a lot of good fiber. I mean, you'd poop. When
I'm like 95, that's going to be my go -to meal.
It doesn't matter what I eat. I'm like seconds
away from death anyhow, so I might as well just
eat this orange -flavored sawdust. All right,
how about a tuna -scented car air freshener?
Crystal Coastal Breeze will be the name of it.
Oh, my God. Cannery Row. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh,
man. I mean, even when I'm about to eat some
tuna, I can barely stand the smell of tuna. But,
yeah, the smell of tuna where it doesn't belong,
oh, that's not good. How about an alarm clock
that only goes off when you're in deep REM sleep?
Guarantees you maximum suffering. Make sure you
remember that dream you were having right when
you woke up. Yes. And think about the heart flutters
too. Son of a bitch. That would be like man -made
sleep apnea. Yeah. How about pre -rip pants that
continue ripping throughout the day? It's a suspense
experience. You can also buy a sweater that's
already got a string from it. Yeah. And people
all day long can just start pulling the string
and destroy your sweater. That sounds like a
Weezer song, doesn't it? Oh, this is going to
be a regular segment in the alternate universe
because I did chat GPT this time. Next time I'm
going to do Gemini. The time after that I'm going
to do Siri maybe. I'm going to keep doing this
with different outlets. Yeah. And see which ones
they come up with. How about gluten -free ice
cubes? Oh, now that's a good plan. For the truly
committed. Yeah. Yeah, if you really want to
be gluten -free, you know. Yeah. You never know,
there might have been milk in that container
before they froze it, right? Yeah, you could
probably sell them the same time you sell left
-handed pencils. Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah,
those are really big in Europe. Yes. Yes. So,
how about AI that gives only unsolicited advice?
Like, oh, you're eating that again? I heard a
story about something similar. A woman was writing
about her brother -in -law. Her husband's whole
family didn't drink, but she did. So when she'd
go over for a family meeting, her brother -in
-law would, every time he saw her pouring an
alcoholic drink, he'd go... Oh man, another drink?
You sure you need that? Are you really? Oh, you
sure? He'd like make a, he'd grin real big and
make a big deal. And he's like, well, I'm just
teasing. I'm just kidding. Yeah, there's only
so many of them. Yeah. So what she started doing
was every time he served himself food, she'd
go, oh geez, you're eating again? And after about
the fourth time, he started throwing stuff at
her, demanding she get out of the house. gee,
he can dish it out, but he sure can't take it,
can he? That means you do it more. Yes. Yeah.
So her question was, am I being the asshole for
doing this back to him? It's like, no, he's being
the asshole. No, I thought you meant him. Yeah.
Yeah, she's absolutely being, I mean, and her
husband should stand up for it. Yeah, yeah. Should
tell that dude, it's like, knock it off or we're
not coming anymore. Yeah, yeah, that's complete
bullshit. Yeah. Very judgy. Yes. That's the kind
of person you'd like to hit right in the face
and feel pretty good about it afterwards. Instead
of like, oh, what did I do? It's like, oh, that
felt good. I mean, that's the kind of thing where
someone is annoying you, embarrassing you. So
in a public place, you act very loud there. You
ask them, so have you given up child pornography
yet? Or are you still looking at it? There's
no way they can answer. No, they'd be like, oh.
anything, they look guilty as fuck after that.
So, are you still masturbating in church? I just
put him on the spot like that. He's like, oh,
I'm glad you stopped then. Yeah, that would end
that really quick. Alright, how about mayonnaise
flavored ice cream? When Vanilla just isn't aggressive
enough. And then you can leave it out and let
it get tangy. Yeah. Hey, my fellow heavy breeders.
This is Dash Riptide. Your music news. Walls
of Jericho is a song by Bon Jovi that features
a guest appearance by Def Leppard singer Joe
Elliott. According to this Instagram post, the
track is from the forever legendary edition of
Bon Jovi's album. which was released in October
2025. The song is named Walls of Jericho. The
song features Bon Jovi and Joe Elliott from Def
Leppard. Jon Bon Jovi chose this song for Elliott
to feature on because it's stadium rock sound
that is reminiscent of both bands. It is their
first ever collaboration. This is Gash Riptine,
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,
you probably have ear damage, just like me. Or
you can use like Duke Mayo, which is a little
spicy. Yeah, yeah. Or how about Miracle Whip
if you want a little sweeter version. Oh, yeah,
yeah. You can even get it made from avocado oil.
Oh, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that
sounds great. And then finally. A banana split
with two scoops of. Yeah. And finally, you got
a high water bill. How about a shower that gradually
gets colder as the rains come on? Oh, chase you
right out. Yeah, chase you out of there. Now,
that's probably a pretty good invention. That
actually is pretty good, yeah. It's kind of like,
oh, it's getting cold, time to go. Now, no one
would buy that for themselves, but you could
install it in a hotel or a gym. Oh, yeah, yeah.
A guy I used to work with, I think I spoke about
this on the Dishbags, well, this is an alternate
version, but okay. On every hotel, they put in
a device in the shower head that kind of ionizes
it and makes not as much water come out. It's
really hard to take a shower. I don't think it
works very well because I spend three times the
amount of time trying to get water on me. Yeah.
I think they think, like, it saves water. So
his name's Brian. He showed me. We're getting
out of our truck and getting our rental car,
depending on where we're at. And we'd go check
in and I went in there to talk to him about their
job or something. And he grabbed a screwdriver
with him. And the first thing he did was go,
hang on a minute, I've got to do something. He
took off the shower head and he showed me the
little piece that you take off. And he did that
every time he went to a hotel. The first thing
he did was he went in there and he took off the
shower head and took off that... Restrictor or
whatever it is. Wow. Did he put it back or just
leave it? No. Oh, nice. So I started doing that
allegedly. Yeah. Yeah, they never catch it. Nobody
looks at it. Nobody knows. Yeah. Anyhow, that's
all of those. Got anything? We could go with
the H list. Let's do it. All right. Let me knock
things over. Under H, for band names, we have
the habitual sex offenders. I don't think I'd
want to perform under that name. I would not
want to know. The Hair and Skin Trading Company.
Ew. Haircuts That Kill. Okay. Hamster Sandwich.
Oh, okay. That's pretty cool. Hard Drinking Housewives.
Oh, I like that one. I'd go see them. I would
too. Hairy Palms and the Gym Towels. Head lice
of doom. Okay. Heavy pink insulator. I'm not
sure what that means, but it sounds dirty. I
like it. Yeah, I like it. I'm like you. I don't
know what it means, but I like it. The helicopter
barfs. I like that. This is a good one. Herpes
cineplex. Cineplex as in a movie cinema? Instead
of Simplex. Here's one for the Star Trek crowd.
He's dead, Jim. Oh! And that would be Spock,
right? Scotty. No, Scotty did it. The doctor,
yeah. So everyone is always waiting for him to
say, I'm dead, Jim. Yeah. It finally happened.
Yeah. Oh, no, they said it happened. Yeah. Heterophobia.
I know some people who have that. Oh, yeah. And
don't even know it. No, they don't. Yep. Hockey
teeth. Oh, wow. Also known as meth mouth. Yeah.
The hollow chocolate bunnies of death. Okay.
The Hollywood chainsaw hookers. No. This looks
good. Homer and the sexuals. The hostile Amish
in hot buttered aspirin. Oh my God. Those things
are too good. I know. How long do we have? We
got an hour and 40 about. All right, you want
to keep going or you want to call it good? Yeah,
let's do a little more. All right, let's do a
little more. You got some more you want to go
to? Let me... You can go through the alphabet.
Oh, I've got all -time disco hits. Do it, do
it, do it. Oh, do it? Okay. Yeah, that one we
got some for next week. Yeah. Hopefully we can
have it. Yeah, we're not even halfway through
the alphabet yet. Okay. All right. These are
the tracks that are the most, the best -selling
tracks ever in the disco era. Oh, wow. Yeah,
disco music. It was, what, 78, 84, 83, and probably
about 82. Yeah. Yeah, probably 1978 to 82. Yeah.
And that's where it was. On a Saturday night,
your fever came out about 78. Yeah, yeah. So
that's when it really started hitting. And there
are a lot of very big disco acts, but, of course,
they either changed. Yeah. Or they went away.
Yeah. So, you know, anything for the village
people. But then you have, like, Cher. Yeah.
The village people went away because disco wasn't
around. But Cher stayed and just changed from
disco to, you know. Yeah. the bgs same thing
yeah so uh the number one all -time disco song
selling song what would you guess it was probably
something like i will survive it is oh okay gloria
gainer 1978 wow Freak or Reese, it is the top
-selling disco anthem ever. Partly probably because
it was used in a lot of TV shows and movies.
Probably, yeah. And it was popularized that way.
It's pretty much an anthem. Yeah. It's pretty
much an anthem. Yeah. How about La Freak, number
two by Schick? Yeah. 1978, of course. La Freak,
C. Schick. It is one of the biggest selling singles
in Atlantic Records history. And now Atlantic
had Led Zeppelin. That's true. And they had a
variety of other really big bands. Next one,
I can definitely believe this. Stayin' Alive
by the Bee Gees. Oh, yeah. And that was from
Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. Yeah. Next one
will be YMCA. Yeah. By the village people. The
village idiots. And this was a massive international,
yeah. Oh, that was big. Big international hit.
Massive all over the world. Everybody was dancing
to it. Yeah, it was. That was cool. All right.
Let's see. In the Navy wasn't on here, but that
was huge, too. That was. And they had a couple
other ones, too. All right. Disco Inferno will
be the next one. Oh, yeah. What was that? The
Tramps. The Tramps, that's it. With two M's.
Two M's. Yep. And it was electronic disco. Yeah.
So... They weren't yet the Super Tramps, they
were just the Tramps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Super
Tramps came later. It's the same people, but
they're in disguise. Yeah. Totally different
scene. They bleached their skin out. Yeah, yeah.
Completely different. They all got vitiligo all
of a sudden. Yeah, it was crazy. All of them.
Oh, look, I woke up and I'm a white boy. Hey,
wow. Crazy. Crazy. Suddenly I want caviar. All
right. I Feel Love by Donna Summer. What was
it called? I Feel Love. I don't remember that
one. I don't either. One of the top ones ever.
Huh. Is there anything from KC and the Sunshine
Band on there? Surprisingly, no. Wow. I thought
they would have been, too. Yeah. There's some
stuff on here that wasn't on here that wasn't
a better seller. It might have been popular,
but it didn't sell better for whatever reason.
And I think a lot of it is it came out during
the time when there was a lot of other disco
hits. Yeah, kind of spread the buying power out
over. Yeah. Yeah. So that's probably what happened,
I would imagine. Some really good songs could
have registered higher, but it went up against
a bunch of other songs at the time. Makes you
wonder how many number one hits are only number
one because every other song sucked. Somebody
had to be number one. There's a lot of them.
Yeah. A lot of them. It's like not all first
round draft picks are created equal. It's just
you've got to start with the first round. I would
say after about 2010, maybe 2007, everything,
everything, probably about 2010, everything was
a victim of nothing else around. Yeah. So you
get a number one. Number one in 1985, sold like
$300 million. Yeah. 2010, it sold $30 ,000. That's
number one. Yeah. All right, the next one would
be Night Fever by the Bee Gees. Oh, I remember
that one. And I didn't think that out of that,
that that would be such a big song. No, I wouldn't
think so either, but I wonder if that was on
the soundtrack as well. Oh, I bet it was. That's
probably why. How about Super Freak? Rick James.
Oh, Rick James, right. I'm Rick James, bitch.
I'm the baddest motherfucker ever. I love that.
Until he wasn't. Until he wasn't. Until he was
locking women up in his basement and going to
prison and all different kinds of crazy stuff.
A little miscalculation there. Yeah, yeah. Oops.
She didn't like that. Damn. You mean that wasn't
fun for you? That torture was not fun? What the
hell are you saying? All right. How about Dancing
Queen by the Palladrome? Abba. Oh, yeah. That
was a big one. Yep. How about Funky Town? Oh,
yeah. Who did that one? Lipsync. Lipsync, yeah.
All right. Someone like Lady Marmalade was way
too early. I was wrong. It's not on the top 12
list. Yeah. Casey and the Sunshine Band is a
little bit after. And it has several, the biggest
ones that they have is Get Down Tonight, and
That's the Way I Like It. Yeah. So, those are
the two Casey and the Sunshine Bands that were
the biggest, but they weren't on the top 12 for
whatever reason. And Donna Summer was another
one that came in heavy, but not that heavy, Queen
of Disco, and Bad Girls. Yeah. Schick also had
another ancillary hit called Good Times. Yeah.
And those were predominantly the ones that were
dominating the charts that kept reoccurring and
coming back and sold the most. Yeah. So, well,
interesting list of stuff on there I didn't think
and stuff on there I was like, oh, yeah, I get
it. I've heard and referenced in other songs
that the song Lady Marmalade by, I forget who
did that one, Patti LaBelle, I think. I think
that sounds right. That became like the anthem
for the drag queens. Oh, did it? Yeah, I remember
there's a song by the Scissor Sisters where they
reference, I left my home in Pasadena when all
them girls was doing Tina. So meeting Tina Turner.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there was another
line about something about Lady Marmalade and
how that kind of kick -started a lot of drag
queen careers. Oh, wow. So she became kind of
an icon for the female impersonation industry
at the time because that was apparently a very
popular song to do. So I've heard that referenced
a lot of times in that movie. Okay. Like a favorite.
During the time, it was a favorite for Drag Queens.
And then Tina Turner got big, and they all started
doing Tina Turner. And then Cher got big, and
they all started doing Cher. It's like a large
segment would just fasten on this one celebrity.
It's like, okay, we're all impersonating her
now. Who's the best at being Cher? All right.
You got anything? No. All I've got left is I
can give you some more names, but if you want
to do that or save them. Let me do the I list,
and then we'll call it a day. Okay, do the I
list, and then we're going to call it a day.
All right, from the I band names. First one,
I buried Paul. Oh, that's probably a Beatles
reference. From the Beatles reference, yeah.
And the Paul is dead. I got shot by Dick Cheney.
He had a hunting accident on his land involving
quail and another person. Yep. Shot him in the
head or the face or something. Yeah, yeah. Face
and head. Yeah, accidentally, of course. Swinging
on a game animal. Boom. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Crazy
how that works. I was teaching hunter safety
courses at the time, and we talked about that
a lot. It's like field of fire, standing in the
wrong spot, not being aware of your surroundings.
You just did all sorts of things wrong. Well,
the rumor is that Dick Cheney is not a very nice
person, by all accounts. Yes. Might have done
it vindictively. I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't
have been surprised either. He's famous for his
line, tell him to go fuck himself. Yeah. Yeah.
So anyhow. Ice cream headache. That's a good
band name. That is a great band name. Icky boyfriends.
Like Owen? Immaculate infection. Oh. Some of
these would be good punk names. They would be,
yeah. Impotent Sea Snakes. Oh, I know that. Yeah,
I've heard of that. Yeah. They're kind of like
a gag name. Yeah. There were ones that went around
and did a song called Each It and I. Oh, yes,
I remember that. And they played it on radio.
Yeah. Because they could. They specified, this
song is called Each It and I. But it didn't.
Run them all together. Eat shit and die. There's
a band in here under the S's that is Sofa Kingdom.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sofa Kingdom. Infected
Mushroom. The Inflatable Dates. Yep. I've heard
of them. Interspecies Love Child. That reminded
me. That might be one of my favorites. There's
a guy named Mojo Nixon who wrote a song called
Debbie Gibson is Pregnant with My Two -Headed
Love Child. Debbie Gibson did the remake of I
Think We're Alone Now. And then the last one
for the eyes is the Iowa Beef Experience. That
could be just about anything. I don't want to
know what that is, but I love it. It's a little
scary, actually. Yeah, it is. Fucking awesome.
So we've made a perfectly awful mess of this
for the last hour and 48 minutes. All right,
I think that's enough bullshit going down. All
right. Everybody. Oh, go ahead. Plus, I got to
pee like crazy. Yeah, I do too. So anyhow, we'll
go ahead and go with this and go, hey, thank
you guys for listening so much. I mean, you guys
have just been so wonderful. We love all the
downloads, all the feedback. Yeah, it's so incredible,
isn't it? We can't thank you guys enough. Man,
you have been so gracious to us. And go fuck
yourself.