You are listening to Two Douchebags in Microphone,
alternate universe edition. The alternate douchebags
pledge. Turn up the show and scream obscenities
while flapping your arms like a chicken. That's
it. We keep it simple in this universe. Three,
two, one, and go. Two douchebags and a microphone?
We don't stand behind our journalistic integrity.
Go ahead and assume we got the story wrong. At
least we admit it. Not like all those other guys,
we can and will lie if it makes the story better.
Two douchebags and a microphone? Hey everybody,
this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some
tips for life. When you want to save a park bench,
but you have to come back to it, just carry it
with you inside. And bam, you'll have the bench
all year, so when you get back... This is Joshua
Belmont, your food for thought man on The Hustle.
So I just realized a genius that gets absolutely
no credit. His name is Marshall Taylor. he is
credited with the first bag of salad makes that
was bagged and sold yesterday was his birthday
i believe he is still alive this guy's genius
will never be fully appreciated before this ban
we settled for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple
of croutons and some cheese was mr taylor satisfied
with that hell no He realized that Billy Americana
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,
maybe snow peas and possibly some cute romaine
bladders for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should
have a national holiday. Next up, Things Overheard
in Hell. The brand new Charles in Charge reboot
is the only show available all week. And now
we look in on the adventures of the technical
explanation guy. Excuse me, sir. Could you please
be a good gentleman and pass the malt acetic
acid my way? Do you mean the malt vinegar? Why,
yes. Yes, I do mean the malt vinegar. Then just
say the malt vinegar, you dumb buck. All right,
no sports bastards, because quite frankly, if
the NFL isn't involved, we don't fucking care.
Yeah, and there's not much really going on at
this point. Yeah, don't tell me about the Olympics.
Yeah, yeah. No, they're carrying on like... They're
so segregated now, they're carried on like 500
different channels. Yeah, yeah. People don't
have that attention span. They need to know that.
Yeah, yeah. It's like, that's when you realize,
was it NBC this year? Yeah. That's when you realize
which channels belong to NBC. Yeah, because they're
all on their other channels. Yes. Yeah, like
something stupid like, I don't know, Checkers
with one IP. Yeah. And, you know, that'll be
on NBC's worst performing station. Yeah. And
don't forget, in two years, there's going to
be flag football in the Olympics. Yay! Oh, my
gosh. I am just standing here waiting. Hey, if
it's good enough for grade school kids, I guess
it's good enough for us to watch. It's good enough
for the NFL? Yeah. So, all right. And what's
even worse is there are going to be people lining
up to gamble on it. I mean, what does that say
about your life when you're betting on Olympic
flag football? Okay, you're betting on football,
okay? And someone sees a gambling line, right?
Uh -huh. Okay, they don't say anything. Their
buddy has some money on a certain way or not.
He just accidentally misses the flag when he
reaches out. Oh, gosh. What an error. Oh, man.
My buddy just won 50 grand. Oh. Oh, what a shame.
Yeah, damn. Too bad he's going to come over later.
Yeah. Give me my cut. Yeah. So... is you oh thank
you um okay we are the two douchebags in microphone
this is the alternate universe edition yes i
like the alternate universe yep or back in time
even yeah yeah we could be hey have a back in
time and an alternate universe just like the
watchman that's right okay yeah that was like
said in the 1988 alternate universe there was
a hawk Just flew through here. Did you see that
guy? I saw a big bird. I didn't realize it was
a hawk. Yes. Yikes. He's after something. I wonder
if they kill pigeons maybe or something. I wouldn't
be surprised. Hey, he's probably looking for
a little pigeon food. Here he comes again. Oh,
no, that's a pigeon. That one. That one's a pigeon.
Yeah, the other one was a hawk. Yeah. Oh, well.
So back in time, alternate universe. Okay, yes.
This is where we're at. Topher, how about if
I hand this over to you? Because here in a little
bit, I got a segment about Valentine's Day that
just happened a few days ago. Anti -Valentine's
week follows. Needs a whole week. Yeah, it needs
a whole week. Yeah. But we'll go to you first.
All righty. I have been learning some stuff about
Harley Davidson and how they seem to be intent
on destroying their own brand and business for
some reason. Yep. Yep. In a nutshell, Harley
is trying to position itself as a luxury brand,
the kind of thing you buy when you've made it.
Except the thing is, you can't run an entire
motorcycle company on just selling a few bikes
to rich snobs. But they seem to think they can.
They had... A CEO between 2021 and 2025 named
Jochen Seitz. Oh, our food's here. Thank you.
Look at the chow. Oh, that looks beautiful. Oh,
wow. Thank you. Take a little pause here while
the food shows up. Yes. Enjoy, guys. Thank you.
Good thing it's a podcast, right? Where was I?
Okay, so he had this thing. He called it the
Hardwire Plan. Basically, he wanted to strengthen
the core models, which, according to Harley,
they're core models of the large cruisers, the
touring bikes, and the trikes. He also wanted
to become more of a premium brand overall. Horn
kits started selling for $150 for a horn kit
for your Harley. That's crazy. They also intentionally
said, we are prioritizing profits over volume.
So they want to sell fewer and fewer bikes, but
for more and more money. Wow. They want high
profit margin bikes, which means mass produced
and similar technologies. So that's going to
give them a high profit margin. Yet, they said,
we want to be a luxury brand and not sell so
many. So how are you going to mass produce a
bike that you're not going to sell too many of?
It just doesn't make any sense. It's like they
think selling enough bikes to rich snobs who
will just put them in their man cave and ten
years from now that bike will still have four
miles on the odometer. That's what they're thinking
of, except that doesn't support it. That'll support
like a single custom builder who can build a
bike in like six months and sell it. Harley cannot
live on that, but they seem to think they can.
They went big into electric motorcycles, green
policies and sustainability. They spun off their
electric motorcycles into a company called Livewire.
Oh, yeah. Zero entry -level bikes in Livewire.
All of them were expensive. So it's like, no,
people want something entry -level to get into
it, see if they like it. Everything was expensive.
Livewire has since been shut down. All it did
was lose money. The riders also saw the brand
ditching its heritage and focusing on EVs and
bikes for rich dudes. New riders, young riders,
young riders are considered anyone under 40,
and lifelong riders felt Harley -Davidson was
ignoring them and actively didn't want their
money. They're not designing any products for
their... core market which is you know your blue
collar guy or gal or your military personnel
who has enough you know expendable cash that
they can buy a motorcycle something they can
ride a lot and often and work on themselves harley
doesn't make a bike like that anymore their bikes
are coming out with more and more electronic
gadgets and touch screens and displays and pretty
much if you want to work on your harley anymore
you need a laptop and all the cables that connect
up, and the software that Harley won't sell to
anybody but a dealer. Wow. So the age of you
parking your Harley under something and just
working on it yourself, they're actively trying
to kill that off. That's their core market. What
is Harley thinking of? Yep. But that's basically
two -thirds of their market. They're being ignored.
They want smaller and cheaper bikes. They want
smaller displacement bikes. Yep. For teenagers,
that kind of thing. Harley said, nope. Just didn't
want to do any of that. Their stock prices fell.
Dealerships started closing. Example, that one
out on I -70 towards Blue Springs. First they
stopped stocking motorcycles, and all they had
was the merch. You could order a bike there.
Now it's closed. It's gone. Wow. In South Kansas
City, we had Gail's Harley Davidson that was
huge for a while. Big multi -story building,
big lot they're on. Now, a few years ago, she
quote -unquote retired. I remember that. Yeah.
She didn't retire. She went out of business.
She spun it as a retirement because that sounds
better. But the fact is, no one bought that business.
If it was making money, somebody would have bought
that business and kept it going. Well, she did
all the promotions and everything, too. It was
like 101 to Fox Studios and all that. She spent
quite a bit of money working on her brand. Yep.
But, you know, Harley started doing things like
that. Yeah. So it didn't matter how much she
worked on her brand. Exactly. She was being stabbed
in the back by corporate. Harley started this
by... Harley has a history of this, number one.
They went to Canada in the 80s. Everybody knew
it. And they're like, okay, we're going to go
to India or something like that, right? Okay,
so everyone went to Triumph or whatever. They
got away from them. So they're like, we better
bring it back to America. Because they did that,
people eventually forgot. It became a big thing
again. Then they started going, well, we need
to make them a little bit different and raise
the price because we want lawyers to buy them.
We don't want the ham and egg or working at the
factory. Hedgeman managers. Yes. The board members.
Yeah. And then now that that isn't a thing, now
they have razors and slingshots and stuff like
that that they can buy. Yeah. All of a sudden,
Harley's getting left. Yeah. And Harley has now
this new business model where they want to sell
10 of them at a million dollars instead of 100
of them at $2 ,000. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's...
If Gail's Harley -Davidson, if Gail could have,
she would have sold that business, or at least
the building, the property, something. But it
sits there vacant and rotting for all these years.
Not a single thing done with it because there
is no market anymore. As you said, she did everything
good, but... No, she was everywhere. I mean,
you heard her product everywhere. Well, in 2025,
they dumped Jochen Zeitz, and they hired a new
guy, Arthur Stars. What they're doing recently
is reviving older models and calling it the Icon
Series. So like the old pan heads or shovel heads
or a soft tail or the Electra Glide or whatever.
So they're bringing those back? They're bringing
them back in limited numbers. They are making
only enough changes to the design to bring them
up to current legal requirements. But all of
the flaws the bike designs originally had, they're
leaving those in. They're not fixing them. So
if it leaked oil around the head gasket that
way back when, it's going to do it now too. But
they're making them in limited runs to artificially
hype up scarcity. And then they're pressuring
people like, oh, these are only available for
limited time to try to give you a sense of urgency.
And they are far more expensive than the regular
line of bikes. Yeah, I forgot which model it
was, but you said like the head gasket with leaking
oil. Uh -huh. Okay. I remember that because it
used to be a going gag if you really wanted to
fuck with someone. You take oil and put it underneath
their bike when they're somewhere parked. Yes.
And they come out, ugh. Oh, my God. I'm leaking
somewhere. Yeah. A mean, mean trick, but funny.
Anyhow, go ahead. But basically, these Icon series,
they're not selling well because the general
attitude is this is yesterday's technology at
today's prices. What the hell are you doing?
I wouldn't buy one if I had the money, you know,
just to toss around. No. Uh -uh. As of seven
months ago, the Grey Ghost model, which is a
fairly popular model, $25 ,000 to start. Yeah,
okay. And then if you want any kind of options
or anything put on. $25 ,000, I go buy my Bronco
that I want. You know, I'm not buying that. But
now Harley is trying to figure out, okay, we're
not selling as many. We're kind of pricing people
out. So, hey, we can either bring down the price.
Well, no, we don't want to do that. Let's jack
with the financing. So that's what they're doing.
They're offering 1 .49 % on seven to eight year
loans. And then you go into the dealership and
you find out that 1 .49%, that's just the name
of the loan. It's not really the rate. Now, if
you've got like a 900 credit score and enough
money to buy the bike outright, then you would
probably qualify for the 1 .49%. Everyone else
is getting 6 % and 7%. Yeah. But it's just to
hook you and get you in the door, and then they'll
work on you. Okay, we're sorry, but there's a
couple of blemishes on your credit score. We
tried. Yeah. The Harley CVO is the latest engine
and model. They start around $40 ,000 and up.
to like 51 grand and then if you put all the
options on it's about 57 grand now what they
don't tell you is they also add closing costs
there's dealership fees prep fees so like a loan
yeah uh uh let's see oh they they push you for
the lifetime membership and harley owners group
also yeah yes typical closing costs on a on a
bike of that price 10 grand extra which you can
fold into the loan and pay interest on for the
next 70 years. And the funny thing is, when they
say that, people are relieved. Oh, you're just
going to put in the payment? Oh, thank God. It's
like, wait a minute. They're going to charge
you 7 % interest on that. Isn't there another
way to do it? Yeah, really. But everything that
they can put on the loan, the loan company gives
them to kick back on. Not legal, but... But Harley
is basically priced out the daily rider. If you're
going to buy a Harley, it's a showpiece for occasional
use, kind of like a toy, like a speedboat. Occasionally
you go out and use it. The daily rider, you just
can't afford a Harley. The very cheapest Harley
I could find on their website was called the
Nightster. Uh -huh. Odd name. It is. It's...
Bare bones, smaller displacement engine. I think
it's the 883cc. And it's got a seat for the driver
and barely enough room for a 10 -year -old to
sit behind. Stripped down, very basic, still
10 grand. Shit. Yeah. That's the cheapest bike
they offer. Wow. Yeah. So now the older Harleys
are starting to get rare. People are hanging
on to them. The newer bikes are too expensive.
Uh -huh. So the new riders, and even the seasoned,
long -time Harley enthusiasts, they're switching
up to other brands. I don't blame them. Specifically,
Indian and Kawasaki are really leading the charge.
Yeah, Kawasaki's got a great product. They really
do. They have nice bikes. So, yeah, why wouldn't
you? Yeah. No, they, Harley -Davidson's had a
history. shooting itself in the foot and they're
not stopping. They keep going. This guy did an
extra dive into the state of Texas and he was
talking with a lot of Harley riders and owners
groups and various others and this specifically
was about the dealerships in the state of Texas.
Overall perceptions from the customers is when
you walk in, they act like you should feel lucky
that they're going to sell you a motorcycle.
You should be grateful. Now, unless you drive
up in a brand new Ford F -250, then they see
you got money and they fawn all over you. But
one guy said, you know, I work on an oil rig.
So I get paid to buttload. And I just spent however
many weeks out there on the rig. Came in with
a lot of money ready to buy a Harley. They looked
at my clothes and the oil under my fingernails
and they wouldn't even talk to me. Yep. It froze
them right out. Well, I have a great example
of that. When the Nissan Frontier came out many
years ago in the 90s, I saved up money specifically
to buy a car interest -free. I was single at
the time. I was working for the union. I was
making good money, so I was able to do it. I'm
like, hell yeah. So I go into there, and I thought
as soon as I said the word cash, people would
be jumping everywhere. Yeah. As soon as I said
cash, everybody ran off. And one guy came up
and he goes, I don't know if you know this, but
we make probably $1 ,000 off of that car at the
most. What we make money off is interest. And
he said, We can sell you a car, but I don't know
how much help you're going to get. Okay. All
right. I went somewhere else. I have heard the
advice that when you go in to buy a car and you're
planning to pay just cash for it, just tell them
you're going to finance it. And then pay cash.
Right up to the point where you're agreed on
the price, and it's like, oh, no, wait, I'll
just pay cash after all. And if they try to change
the price, that's a violation of the law. They
cannot charge a different price. for cash over
finance. But if you tell them up front, they'll
find a way to work it in. You're right. But you
tell them at the very end and then they're stuck.
All they do is they call their finance guy. They
go, oh, I'll be right back. And they call their
finance guy and go, hey, work this into a loan
because he wants to pay cash. Or work this into
a price because he wants to pay cash. Then there'll
be administrative fees and all that good shit.
Just because we feel like it, fee. Oh, no. What
are you going to do about it, fee? Oh, no, I
know a guy that's done that before. All right,
hang on a minute here. My phone is ringing, and
it's a number I don't know, so bye -bye. All
right, let's see what else. Okay, so in Texas,
if they don't think that you have enough money
to buy the best, they'll steer you towards a
lower -priced bike and then ramp up the interest
charges. Wow. Yeah. So then, like you said, they're
making money off the loan, but they figure if
you do default, it'll be on this cheaper bike
and it won't be such a financial hit to the company.
Wow. So they're looking at you. I mean, that's
a very predator way to look at your customers.
But they are predators. They are. Yeah. Let's
see. Military personnel. This is a big one. The
state of Texas has a lot of military bases. Army,
Navy, and Air Force. And I don't know if they
have a Marine base there now, but I wouldn't
be surprised. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.
Enlisted personnel who go in in uniform to buy,
most of them say, I'm treated like I'm a little
kid who shouldn't be there. This is for grown
-ups. Wow. Yeah. And if they have to go in out
of uniform, Then once the dealership learns that
that's their job as their military personnel,
enlisted, not officer, they say they get noticeably
colder in the room. Wow. And dealership after
dealership, they're shitting on the military
personnel who want to buy their bikes. I would
drive up to Oklahoma then. Well, what they're
doing is they're driving down the road to the
Indian dealership. Universally, they say Indian
treats them great. They've got a really good
dealership network. They're very friendly. They're
very open. They negotiate with the prices. And
pretty much everyone who's bought an Indian said
this is better designed than Harley, better built
than Harley, and it was cheaper than Harley.
That's what I was going to get into. Okay. All
this not being. Let's say you had to buy one
or the other, and you don't know anything about
either one. I'd rather buy an Indian anyhow.
Me too. I like them better. I always have. I
always thought Harleys were somewhat overrated,
and now they're very overrated. And they're leaning
into trying to rely on their name to get everything
they want. It's just not going to work. Well,
their name's only going to go so far because
ask Gen Z what a Harley is. And they'll go, oh,
that's that thing that those older guys, they
like, they drive around on the weekends. Do you
like them? No, no, no, that's not me. Now, recently
they had a surge of popularity when Sons of Anarchy
was big. Yeah, but then after that, boom, no
more. Another thing that the Texas dealerships
do is whoever's in charge of that territory.
Yeah. made sure that no dealership is closer
than like an hour, hour and a half drive. So
they're really spread out. They are shrewd. Yeah.
So story after story, there's one that's fairly
typical. Guy goes in, he buys a new Harley for
around $30 ,000. A couple months in, he needs
warranty work done. Calls up the dealership and
they say, okay, three week wait until we can...
and get your bike in. Then when he three weeks
is up, he takes the bike in on a flatbed because
it's not running. And the dealer says, okay,
we need to order a part. It's going to be another
couple of weeks. They actually do have the part
in stock. They don't need to wait for it, but
they only hire one person to work on the bikes
because they know that once they have your bike,
you can't get it back and they can take their
sweet time. So instead of having four mechanics
in there getting the bikes done on time, they
have one person and making everyone wait because
their attitude is, what the hell are you going
to do about it? Wow. Yep. That's crazy. And when
the next dealership is like three and a half
hour drive away, and they're probably going to
treat you the same way anyway, you're just stuck.
You're being held hostage by the dealership.
Yeah. Jeez. This is not a knock on Harley Davidson.
As a brand, or the owners, or the enthusiasts
of it, this is what's being done to you by corporate
and the dealership network. Yeah, exactly. They
have to play in line with the rules because that's
the company they work for, essentially. So you,
the Harley -owning or Harley -loving public,
you're getting royally screwed by this. Harley
apparently doesn't give a shit about you. Well,
I think it's showing in sales, isn't it? I think
it is, yeah. I think it's only a matter of time
until you see them probably go tits up, gone.
There was another video that I was going to get
to and watch, which talked about the enormous
backlog of built motorcycles that no one's buying.
Bless you. Thank you. So it's already hitting
them that Harley is, it's like Tesla and the
Cybertrucks. They've got so many they've built,
and nobody wants to buy them. They're sitting
around, rotting. Harley's the same way. They've
got a ton of money in this inventory that they've
built, and probably most of it will never get
sold. You're right. Yeah, I bet. It's crazy.
Yeah, it is. Wow. Is that it? That's pretty much
it, yeah. Okay. Well, we're going to go into
something completely different. Anti -Valentine's
week. Have you ever heard of it? No, but it sounds
intriguing. Oh, it is. These are disgruntled
people or, I don't know, been jilted, you know,
romantically or what. Oh, wait a minute. Try
that sandwich, dude. You know what it kind of
reminds me of is everyone gathers for the plaza
lighting ceremony around Christmas. I know at
least one guy who shows up for the day they turn
them off. He calls it the plaza dimming ceremony.
And he rents a hotel room that overlooks the
plaza and gets champagne and throws a party to
watch the lights go off. This is kind of the
same thing. Well, you know, these people that
don't like Valentine's Day, not only, isn't that
just ridiculously good? It's the City Market
Coffee. Their special is a prime barbecue beef
brisket sandwich. it has an onion ring on it
and uh what uh pickled cabbage that's it and
oh it's so good and my tongue has an erection
it is so good oh and their fried pickles are
the best ever so what a place and their coffee's
awesome so um okay from february 15th to the
21st is um is um This anti -Valentine's Day.
And it says here, their description is, seven
-day tongue -in -cheek anti -romantic counter
celebration for singles, the heartbroken, and
those who want to bypass the pressure of Valentine's
Day. So, and I mean, Valentine's Day was pretty
much a hallmark thing anyhow. You know, I mean,
it was like, hey, show your, who's not going
to go, I'm not going to do it. You know, show
your participation for the one you love. No one's
going to say no to that. You're pretty much forced
to say yes. It's like, you know. Mother's Day
is the same thing. Yeah, it is. It's like you've
created to sell more jewelry. Yeah, and it worked.
The series of theme days including slap day,
kick day, perfume day, flirt day, confession
day, missing day, and breakup day. So here is
the 2026 Anti -Valentine's Week calendar. February
15th is Slap Day. Symbolically slap away negativity,
toxic relationships, and past mistakes. So you
see, this is actually kind of a self -help thing.
It is. It's not really a fuck you Valentine's.
No, no, it's not much. Because when I first saw
this article, I'm like, oh, this is going to
be really sinister. Rude and cynical. But actually,
really not. February 16th is kick day. Symbolic
kick away lingering baggage and emotions. Yeah.
February 17th, perfume day. Focus on self -love.
I don't think you're talking about masturbation.
Okay, say it one more time. I think it's, you
know, spiritual. Self -care. Yeah, yeah, self
-care. So, yeah, get your hand off your wiener.
Okay? And treating yourself to something special
like a new fragrance. and new lube that's today
yeah yeah or a new flavor of lube yeah okay cool
i'm gonna get uh um peep flavored easter's coming
up oh i hate peep i'm gonna go with uh pepperoni
and garlic i'm with you i'm with you pepperoni
and garlic i'm sorry i stand corrected that would
really make you want to get busy it's like man
topher what happened to you I don't know. Hey,
with the garlic, it'll weed out the vampires.
Yes, that's true. And it will. All right. Yep.
Because we all know that's a big problem here.
Too many vampires on Valentine's Day. Yeah. Oh,
shit. Yeah. Yeah. Little bastards are everywhere.
You know what I want? I want a midget or a little
person or whatever they call it. Vampire. Wow.
You'd have to bite your leg. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.
You'd be like, hang on, hang on. It's like, get
out of here. I'm a vampire. Give me your leg.
All right. February 18th is work day. A playful
day to get back into the dating scene or just
have some fun. Yeah. And this is really weird
to read. When I downloaded it, I didn't look
at it. It has commas behind every word. And I've
got to distinguish which one should have a comma
and which one doesn't. That would mess you up.
Yeah, it's weird. Well, you know, I've heard
of... unofficial flirt days for like a person
who's been in a relationship a long time oh yeah
yeah is just go out and practice flirting you're
not really trying to pick someone up you're really
not trying to you know start anything but it's
just a random person you can practice flirting
on because you're really out of practice It's
kind of the same thing. Oh, okay, I get it. It's
kind of like, you know, riding a bike or something.
It's like, you know, I need to get a bicycle.
I haven't rode one in a long time. Yeah. Let
me go run some practice laps so I remember how
this is done before I get in the race. Yeah,
and first you suck, and then you get a little
bit better. So I'd love to see the premier one
where the guy's like, oh, okay, I'm going to
go out and flirt a little bit because it's okay
to do it today. I've got to stay in practice.
So, yeah, don't you hate it whenever the grocer
puts the heavy stuff on top? By that time, she's
like, oh, I've got to go. All right, February
19th is Confession Day. Oh, that could get you
in some trouble, maybe. That could, yeah. You've
got to be careful. You've got to filter that
one. Be honest about your feelings or clear about
your conscience. I'll skip that one. No. I can
see that being useful if you look at it as confessing
to yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like being totally,
completely honest and truthful with yourself.
Instead of painting yourself as the poor victim,
realize, oh, let's see what I did wrong here.
Yeah. Like, Val, the other day when you accused
me of looking at that girl in that skirt and
I said no, I was looking at the bricks because
I used to do tuck pointing and I see that it's
a great job. No, I wasn't doing that. I was looking
at her skirt. Yep. No, no, no, no. Nope. So,
all right. And then finally, February 21st is
Breakup Day. Breakup Day. The final step to letting
go of unhealthy connections and moving forward.
I like that. I do, too. This week is popular
for promoting emotional detox and independence
by focusing on self -care and humorous... Against
humorous will and also... A romantic holiday.
And I'm sorry, the commas really screwed me up.
I can see the breakup day. I've seen people use
a similar technique with the term divorce. When
you're married, legally married, then you divorce
your spouse. But they also say have a divorce
ceremony. When you quit your job, you're divorcing
your job. Treat it like a divorce. Or when you
decide that you don't want to talk to this friend
because they've been treating you bad, have a
divorce from that friend. Or divorce yourself
from the habit of going to this dive bar all
the time. Or whatever. Instead of breakup, they
use the term divorce. Go through an actual divorce
in your head to where you're separating yourself
and you're not going back. Yeah. I can see how
that would work. No, no, no. I mean, yeah, I
kind of did that with my old job, man. I left
out there skipping for sure. I think people thought
I was going to be all glum and go, I'm never
coming back here. I'm like, oh, hell yeah. I'm
like, amen, thank you, God. Yeah, there's a point
where you realize that it's going to cause some
problems and your life's going to change, but
if you don't do it, Life is basically going to
end anyway. You just got to do it. My biggest
issue was always insurance. Yeah. So then you
had to get creative. I had Cobra. Oh, true. I
had to save up enough money to buy Cobra. Yeah.
I had to, or be willing to spend the money for
Cobra. I mean, it's pretty damn high. It is.
Yeah. And then I got on Val's insurance because
I wanted to take another couple months off, which
I did, which was fantastic. Kind of reboot yourself.
Oh, yeah. Learn what it was like to be yourself
again. I needed it so bad. Yeah, yeah. I was
in the mode of being the postal employee. And
I'd kind of forgotten how to be myself. But when
I quit slash retired, I took a while to figure
out what is me? What do I like to do? What do
I want to do? How do I enjoy spending time? Some
self -discoveries are always a good idea. Oh,
yeah. Yeah. You know, and another thing that
I did was this. Hey, how you doing, Franco? All
right. The other thing that I did was this when
I left the old company. Yeah. People are coming
up to me and going, oh, hey, we'll come back
and visit. And I told them, I said, I'm never
coming back to this spot ever again. You won't
see me. You want my number or not? That's the
only way you're going to get a hold of me. So
three weeks, no, actually not three weeks, three
months or so, probably a little bit more than
that later, I had to roll over my 401k to the
new place. And I thought I had to go there. And
I'm like, oh, fuck, I was stressing. I was like,
I swore I would never go there. Finally, I got
a hold of this place called Creative Planning
that was handling their stuff like that for them.
And I talked to them. I go, is there any way?
that I can avoid going there. And he's like,
you don't want to go there? Is it too far? I
go, no. I said, I hate that pit of fucking vipers.
I didn't say fucking. And she laughed. I think
she might have had some dealings with him. Probably
so. And she goes, you know what? She goes, I
think there is a way to do it without going and
seeing them. She said, you might have to talk
to them on the phone, but you don't have to go
there and see them. And I did talk to them on
the phone, and believe me, it was not cheerful.
Anyhow, but anyhow, this isn't a program about
airing stuff like that. We got there from the
anti -Valentine's Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyhow,
that is all of the anti -Valentine's Day week.
Yeah. You know, there's a friend of mine whose
wife is fairly needy and celebrating her birthday
once a year. isn't enough anymore. Now she insists
on a birthday week. Every single day for a week.
Does he do it? Yes, he does. Pushover. She demands
to be treated like the special birthday girl
seven days in a row. You know, he probably gets
sex once every three months. If that. If that,
yeah. A guy like Ed, I'm sorry, but it's true.
Yep. They hold the upper hand and they know it.
And it's just like, eh, not today. Okay, sure,
baby, I understand. When she already knows you'll
do whatever she wants, she just makes you wait
because she knows you'll do it. That's where
so many guys go wrong. You know, don't call them
back the next day. Yeah. Yeah, so. Yeah. Ed,
yeah. So I make fun of it occasionally. I say,
oh, I guess she's having her birthday month.
And I felt like saying, hey, I'm just going to
start having a birthday year. And then once it
ends, it starts again. Yeah. The anti -Valentine's
week reminded me of her insisting on her birthday
week because she's seven times more special than
anybody else on the planet, apparently. I used
to tell guys this. Okay, when you first meet
a chick, Don't smother them. But don't ever smother
them. Ever. But the first thing you do is you've
got to act preoccupied. I always tell them that.
I go, you know, talk to them and act nice and
act like you're kind of interested in, but act
preoccupied. Like maybe you've got something
else going on. Yeah, that's the basic idea is
to leave the impression that I have a life of
my own. Yeah, and I'm not sure if you're going
to be in it yet or not. You've got to earn your
way in it. You don't just, you know. And I see
so many guys just jump in. Oh, man, let's do
this. And then tomorrow we're going to do this.
They make her their entire world right away.
Then all of a sudden they're like, I don't know
if this is going to work. And, you know, honestly,
a lot of guys do that at first because they want
to have sex. And once they have sex, they decide
either to keep doing it, to keep having sex,
or it's like, eh, I'm ready to move on. Yeah,
not that big a deal. Yeah. Okay. All right, you
got something you want to go into? The majority
of my stuff has to do with music creeps. Okay,
well, I got a bunch of stuff for the... Actually,
the one thing I have about producers. Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's on the same page, but
here we go. Well, producers could be used on
either show, so... Yeah, yeah. And don't worry,
I got enough stuff to carry us over for a long
time on the alternate douchebags. All righty.
So that's what we got here. Okay. So we've talked
before about how some TV and radio shows, they
seem to have a lot of producers and editors and
assistant staff writers and this, that, and the
people they list in the credits. There's all
sorts of reasons to list people in the credits.
Thank you. First thing I did was I got the Internet
AI... definition of what a TV producer does.
This is what it gave me. A TV producer oversees
the entire life cycle of a television program
from conceptualization and financing to production,
editing, and final delivery. They are responsible
for hiring key staff such as writers, directors,
and cast, managing budgets and schedules, ensuring
the creative vision is met, and coordinating
technical aspects to ensure the show is completed
on time. Key responsibilities include development
and pre -production, such as generating ideas,
pitching concepts to networks, securing funding,
and writing or editing scripts. Very, very important
that I remember writing and editing scripts is
something a producer can do. Generate ideas,
securing funding. These are vague terms. Production
management, hires the crew and cast, manages
logistics. We see set design and technical elements.
There's another key one, set design and technical
elements. And ensuring adherence to the schedule
and budget. Post -production, supervising the
editing, music composition, and final adjustments
to ensure the project meets network standards.
There's another key one. Types of producers.
Let's see. Executive producer handles high -level
business financing and overall vision. Showrunner,
often the executive producer who manages the
creative direction, day -to -day writing and
production. Line producer focuses heavily on
the budget and day -to -day logistics. And field
producer manages production on location. And
then if it's a news program, you have a news
producer who coordinates content, story placement
and timing for local and live news broadcasts.
So that's what the Internet says. Okay, the vague
terms are probably jobs that give to their friends
or other, which I'm doing in air quotations,
other. Well, think about, let's see, generating
ideas in the production. So if you want your
show to have an agenda, there's where a producer
puts it in place. And then that's where we get
a lot of the stuff, yes. If they want to get
on their soapbox and preach about a certain social
issue, producer puts that right in there. They
do all the time. Securing funding, product placement.
Oh, yeah. Dealing with the advertisers. Making
sure your scripts, and see, they have writing
and editing scripts, too. So they can make sure
the script is exactly the way the sponsors want
it to be. I'll give you an example. It's the
show Friends. Yeah. was from the beginning designed
to rehabilitate the image of the city of New
York as a tourist destination. Oh, yeah. And
it was funded very heavily by the New York City
tourism agencies. So they made sure you never
saw garbage or dirty streets. There was always
a taxi available when you wanted one. Everyone
had cheap housing. Nothing jobs. Yeah, yeah,
serving at a coffee shop or whatever. Phoebe
played at the coffee shop occasionally, and she
still had an apartment all by herself. Yeah,
how did that happen? Air travel was always really
easy and cheap and affordable. You could do it
last minute, and everything worked out fine.
No one was ever delayed or bumped or anything.
See, all of these elements were coordinated to
be put into the script by the sponsor, which
was the New York City... Board of Tourism. So
the producers worked with them to make sure the
show painted the city of New York in the best
possible light. Because it was propaganda for
the city of New York. So I'm sure that some of
those producers they have listed are specifically
there to be the liaison with the advertisers
for the commercials. When the commercials are
coming, where they're coming, how do we modify
the script. You know, like Apple. doesn't want
any of the bad guys on the show to have their
product. Only the good guys can have Apple products.
So there's a producer somewhere in that crew
that is responsible for making sure that happens.
There's probably another one for product placement.
There's also probably one or more producers that
are liaisons with the advocacy groups that say,
we want more of the people we advocate for on
your show. and here's what we're willing to pay
to get them put on. Here's the storylines highlighting
the group that we advocate for. Whether it's
mentally disabled, whether it's the alcohol industry,
whether it's whatever. Everyone has lobbyists.
Yes. There are probably producers there whose
job it is to get drugs and hookers for the cast
and crew. Yep, we know this. There are probably
producers there who are producers in name only.
And the person actually doing the work and getting
the money is somebody who has been canceled or
is controversial and they can't afford to have
their name tied to their production. So they
have a straw man in the place. So they can pay
the person they really want to. Yep. And a lot
of those producers are there as a way to skim
money from the production. Oh, yeah. It's like,
you know, here's ten people. We'll list them
in the credits as executive producer, pay them
each 50 grand for this episode, so there's 500
grand. Then I'll just take that out of the budget
and put it in my own pocket because those 10
people really didn't do anything. All I have
to do is put them in the credits, fake up some
payroll, and I'm 500 grand richer. That's what
a lot of those producers are there for. And then
a lot of them are favors and air quotations.
Oh, I can give you this assistant producer that
is in charge of the chair lounges. It's pretty
ridiculous. And you have to be their favorite
for that. And to be their favorite for that,
well, I mean, I guess you can guess, right? Yeah.
There are a lot of different types of producers
that get listed in the credits. You have producer.
You have associate producer. Executive producer.
Supervising producer. Wow. Co -executive producer.
consulting producer and co -producer. Now you're
familiar with the term churning. Yeah. Where
you just stir up all the mud and into the water
so no one can see what's really going on. That's
churning. All these different kinds of producers
they're churning to make sure the paper trail
is really tough to follow. Yeah and also I mean
the reason these productions cost so much is
because of the hidden fat like that. Yeah. I
mean, they could probably get by doing it half
the price, but nobody could go in there and just,
you know. Yeah. It's like, I need to give this
person the job on my TV show, and if I give them
this job, they'll have sex with me. And then
when I'm tired of them, I'll boot them off the
show. Yeah. So you get the TV show to pay for
your hooker. Basically how it works. Wow. So
I took a current TV show, once it's currently
under production. Uh -huh. It's a show called
Brilliant Minds, Zachary Quinto. It's a medical
drama. Yeah. And I looked over the, I didn't
look at the cast, I looked at the crew. Okay,
it has made 22 episodes. Over those 22 episodes,
it has had 35 producers. 35. 35. Now, four of
them were only on for one episode. There are
three more that were on for nine episodes, which
is like half a season. All the rest were there
for double digits and on up. Wow. That many producers
for every single episode. And then in addition
to all those producers, they have five cinematographers.
Wow. They have seven people in their editing
department. Six people in production management.
Their second unit, which basically films everything
that doesn't have any of the stars in it. 17
people in that crew. Art department. 19 more.
Sound department. 32. Sound department. Yeah.
Just for sound. 32 people. You can get by on
a concert with less than that. Yeah. Wow. Camera
and electrical. 27 people. Casting. In addition
to the casting agency, they have 10 additional
people. Wow. Editorial for editing and splicing
together, 14 people. Production department. I
thought that would be covered by the producers.
No, there's an additional production department
with 18 more people in it. And then under additional
miscellaneous crew, 17 more. And let's see, this
one was fun. Intimacy coordinators. Two. To help
you if someone's going to be having sex on camera.
They coordinate with them how to do it properly
and how to do it. You have two intimacy coordinators.
But here's the best one. Visual effects. Now
this is just a regular routine medical show.
It's not science fiction. It's not drug trips
or anything. Their visual effects department,
91 people. How much visual effects do you need
on a medical doctor? No kidding. I can't think
of much in the way of visual effects. Oh, that
blood needs to be redder. I don't know. Yeah.
Well, yeah. 91 people. Wow. That's all fat. 35
plus 5 plus 7 plus 6 plus 17 plus 19 plus 32
plus 91 plus 27 plus 10 plus 14 plus 18 plus
17 plus 2. And you're telling me that's the minimum
number of people you need to put out a TV show?
No way. Every once a week. And they're on hiatus
right now. Because they can't even do a full
season in one go. You need to have that many.
That's over 200 people. Easily over 200. Probably
250. For one TV show. That's insane. And then
all that goes as favors, too. Okay, I've got
some odd facts. Remember we used to do those?
Oh, I love odd facts. Yeah, this is good. I got
some interesting ones. So, all right. Your brain
eats itself when it doesn't sleep. Oh, I think
I've heard that. It actually physically consumes
itself. Uh -huh. That's creepy. During sleep
deprivation, cells called astrolytes start breaking
down the absorbing parts of your own brain a
little as normal. Too much is not great. So someone
that doesn't sleep well and stays up a lot actually
might have some problems later on in life because
of this, it sounds like. I wonder if there's
any link between that and dementia, Alzheimer's,
any of the cognitive decline. Everybody I know,
including myself, has insomnia. I don't know
if it's chemicals in our food. Part of that,
partly the medications we're told to take every
day for the rest of our lives, which make us
need other medications every day. Have you ever
run into those weird people who brag about how
little sleep they got? Yes, it drives me nuts.
It's just the stupidest thing ever. That used
to do that at the post office all the time. They'd
come in Monday mornings like, oh, man. Only got
about six hours of sleep over the whole weekend.
Oh yeah, well I only got about five. Oh yeah,
well I only slept two hours last night. They're
trying to outdo each other with how much damage
they're doing to themselves. Oh, I know. It's
like, go stand in a corner and hit yourselves
with bricks. That makes about as much sense.
They're just so happy and cheerful and bragging
about how little sleep they got. You're an asshole.
You're an idiot. Go away. Very cool. Yeah, no,
no, no. I went and did the same thing. I remember
when I was a teenager, we used to do that. We
just thought it was so cool. I've been on a bender
all night. Oh, no shit? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I went to Topeka for some reason. I ended up
in Omaha, and now here I am back in Kansas. Actually,
a friend of mine fell asleep in the back of a
station wagon years ago. This is my teenage years.
It's an old 70s station wagon. He woke up in
Pennsylvania. Oh. Well, they didn't know he was
back there, and his buddies are going to Pennsylvania.
I don't know for what for. Yeah. He woke up,
and he, you know, went out there and, like, started
walking around, and they're like, hey, isn't
that, his name was Jimmy. Isn't that Jimmy? What
the fuck is he doing here? Okay, so, all right.
Rats laugh when they're tickled. Oh, I didn't
know rats could laugh. Who the hell did that?
Who grabbed a rat and started going, kiki, kiki,
koo? Ah, let's see. There's a movie like that
called Willard. Ah, yeah, okay. Back in the early
70s, a guy that could communicate with rats.
I bet he tickled a few rats in his life. I bet
he did, too. And we don't want to know what he
used to tickle them with, but that's not our
business. A very young Michael Jackson sang the
theme song for the sequel movie called Ben. Oh,
okay. And Ben was a rat. All right. Okay, but
they only giggle if they trust the person. Yeah,
I can see that. Yeah, yeah. I'd be like that
as a rat, too. It's like, that's a bad tickle.
I don't know you. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That
kind of works with people, too. It's one of the
reasons you can't tickle yourself, because you
trust yourself. But when someone else reaches
and starts doing that, it's almost like a panic.
The laughter is... To me, anyway, it's kind of
like panic. It's a cry for help almost, yeah.
But if you really, really trust the person, then
they lose their ability to tickle you. I never
thought about that, but that is true. And you
can still tickle yourself if you take yourself
by surprise. Like you actually bump your foot
into something and it scrapes the bottom. It's
like, whoa, that tickled. But if you try to tickle
yourself, nothing happens because you are yourself
and you know you're not going to actually do
anything wrong. Yeah. It's weird. Yep. Trust
is a big part of tickling. That is interesting,
isn't it? Alright, the next one. You have ancient
viruses in your DNA. You know, I've heard that.
But I never could find confirmation. But yeah,
that makes a lot of sense. About 8 % of your
genome is made up remnants of long dead viruses
that infected your ancestors. Viral fossils live
inside you. Yes, they do. And that's part of
our immune system. I think. I think it is, yeah.
It protects you against it. It's kind of like
COVID. They had to give you COVID in a vaccine
to make you have the antibodies to protect you
from COVID. Yeah, kind of think of it as, you
know, here are these escaped criminals on the
loose. Here's a picture of what they look like.
That's like a vaccine is showing you a picture
of how they look so you know which ones they
are. Don't let those in. Those guys are going
to, yeah. Has anyone ever gone in depth about
how viruses actually work? You know what? I would
love that because I know exactly how they work.
I know this because I've read up on it. And that
would be a really good subject. Maybe next week
we can do that and do some research for the alternate
program. Yeah. The bizarre concept you have to
get your head around first is viruses are not
alive. Even though the commercials say it kills
the flu virus, well, it deactivates. And they
also call it a live virus, too. Yeah, yeah. But
viruses are like chemical robots. They're no
more alive than your cell phone is. I mean, your
phone can do stuff. It can do stuff on its own.
But it's not alive. Viruses don't eat. They don't
poop. They don't reproduce. So they're not alive.
They're not a life form. They're just... self
-replicating molecules. It's interesting, though.
I bet a lot of people view them as life forms.
Yep. There's nothing alive about them. Nope.
Oh, this next one I love. Octopuses sometimes
punch fish for no reason. Isn't that awesome?
That's pretty funny. It is. Divers observe octopuses
randomly striking fish that are cooperating with
them during hunts. Not survival, just attitude.
They're just in a bad mood, and a fish is in
their area, so they punch them. Octopuses are
really smart anyhow. So I guess, you know, they
woke up, didn't have their coffee, whatever that
is in the ocean. That kind of reminds me of a
thing that dolphins do. When a puffer fish puffs
up, it releases a little neurotoxin in the water,
which will get the dolphin a little bit high.
So the dolphins will grab a puffer fish and make
it puff up and then get the effects of the toxin,
and then they'll pass the puffer fish around.
Puffer fish are whippings. While they all take
a hit. It's just like passing a joint around.
They're passing this puffer fish around so the
dolphins can all get wasted. Here's what I compare
it to. Remember back in the 80s when all the
whipped cream had that ingredient in it and all
the kids were grabbing it and sucking all the
gas out of it? Puffing the propellant, yeah.
Yeah. That's kind of what they're doing, puffer
fish. Pretty much, yeah. They're like, here,
here, there's some more left. Don't bo -gurt
that puffer fish, man. Hey, give me that puffer
fish back, you motherfucker. You've got to watch
him. He'll puff half of it. But I love that,
man. They smack fish for no reason. Humans are
not the only creatures that want to get high
and find ways to do it. Oh, I know. Elephants.
I've seen elephants and monkeys. There are certain
fruits that kind of rot, fall off the tree, and
kind of ferment on the ground. And they get drunk
eating these fruits. And they know they're going
to get drunk. And they do it on purpose because
they want to get drunk. And another thing that
they proved is they do it in the evening like
people do. So they can sleep it off. Yeah. I
remember seeing a nature show and a hungover
elephant is pretty funny. It's like, dude, you
did it to yourself. Yes. A little sympathy, not
much. A hungover elephant. I've got to see footage
on that. Like any lion's roar, I'm coming after
you with my trunk. Yeah, and you know what? It's
probably barely wave its tail to get the flies
away. Yeah. Instead of constantly going every
now and then it goes. All right, next one. There
are lakes beneath Antarctica ice sealed for millions
of years. Subglacial lakes underneath Antarctica
have been isolated longer than humans have existed,
if I could speak. Unknown ecosystems may be in
there. I'm sure they do. There would have to
be. Yeah, they're called extremophiles. It's
living organisms that can live under extreme
conditions. I imagine those lakes are kept liquid
by the immense pressure of all the ice pushing
down. I would think so, yeah. Because in order
for water to freeze, it has to expand. Ice is
bigger than the water it comes from. But if there's
no room to expand, the temperature still goes
down, but it stays liquid. It simply doesn't
have the room to form ice. Yeah, so it's just
like, I'm staying liquid. Which is weird because
you think that it wouldn't have a choice or anything
like that, but that's not true. If it doesn't
expand, it can't do it. So, all right. Teeth,
I think everybody knows this, though. Teeth are
the only part of your body that can't heal themselves.
Well, that's true. Enamel cannot regenerate.
Much damage, it's permanent. That's it? Yeah.
I mean, and that's how dentistry is so popular.
Yes. It's because, yeah, you can't put a Band
-Aid on it and go, oh, man, yeah, I got a bad
root. Hang on, let me go get some ointment. No.
Nope. Yeah, it's odd to think that our teeth,
pretty much under all circumstances, will wear
out before we wear out and die. Yeah, isn't that
weird? Yeah, if left without dentistry, everyone
would lose their teeth before they die. I want
to know, like, like an infected root canal or
something what they did back then they had to
have had some sort of a plant or something that
made you you know not feel it yeah because that
pain would kill you if you just kept having that
pain it would literally probably oh yeah yeah
yeah it's the stress of being in that much pain
will actually damage your heart yeah and kill
it but aspirin was refined from tree bark I forget
what's tree, but, yeah, people used to peel off
the bark of a certain tree and boil it and drink
the liquid, and it was like taking an anti -inflammatory.
It wasn't chicory. No, no. Hmm. That's interesting.
Yeah. Okay. But, yeah, there's tons of, I mean,
a lot of modern pharmaceuticals were derived
from plants or are synthetic versions of what
plants make. Yeah. Okay. Like opioids are a synthetic
version of opium, which is made by the poppy
plant. Yeah. But the opioids didn't come from
poppies. They were created with chemical processes.
Yes. All right. You can remember things that
never happened. False memory implantation has
been demonstrated in controlled experiments.
Your brain can confidently create entire events
that never occurred. Yeah, yeah. I have actually,
without intending to, done that to myself. I
have too. Yeah. I have too. I remembered a certain...
line of dialogue in a certain movie and I knew
exactly where it came in the movie and who spoke
it and I could hear it in my head. And I watched
the movie again and it wasn't there. And I thought,
huh, this must be a different version. Maybe
I saw the director's cut. And I went through,
I found every single version of that movie I
could find and that line was not in there. So
I googled it and I googled, you know, I looked
at a photocopy of the script on mine. The line
isn't in there. I just convinced myself it was.
I was dead sure it was in there. But the funny
thing is, once I realized that I was wrong and
that line was in there, I can't even remember
what the line was anymore. That's something similar.
I thought I said a certain line that was really
good in a certain podcast with Rob, and I couldn't
find it in there anywhere. I'm like, I must have
just missed it. It was not in there. I listened
to it several times. I started listening to old
episodes, and it was in one of them. a long time
ago. So I took that memory that I did and inserted
it in a different memory. Isn't that odd how
that can happen? I would have swore any amount
of money that I said it in that podcast. I can
remember it clearly. Even now I can remember
saying it in that podcast. It's not the truth.
I said it a year ago. I guess it's possible you
thought it in that podcast. I think so. I thought
it and I was like, oh, that's a great one. Okay,
I think you probably know this too because this
is true with goldfish because I've had it happen
in my koi pond. There are worms that can survive
being frozen solid. They are called tardigrades
or water bears. Oh yeah. They can survive extreme
radiation, vacuum, dehydration, freezing near
absolute zero. Not just zero, absolute zero.
Yeah. They even survived exposure to outer space.
Yeah, which dries them right up. They just desiccate
and dry right up. And they become like this little
inert thing. And then as soon as they get moist
again, they come right back to life. Some of
those little water bears, tardigrades, they might
be hundreds of thousands of years old. Because
they just don't die. Nothing kills them. They
just dry up and wait for the next bit of moisture
to bring it right back. Well, this is where ideas
of reincarnation came from. And the dung beetle
also, ancient Egyptians highly believed in reincarnation
because they watched the dung beetle bury itself
in dung, then come back three months later, but
it never did disappear like they got or died.
But, you know, if we are all living in a simulation,
that makes reincarnation even more likely because
they're just recycling characters. Yeah, they're
kind of like, hey, this time let's put Mark in
the middle of a war. Yep. What? Wow. Without
trying to spoil too much, I'm suddenly thinking
of a movie called Dark City. It was one of Kiefer
Sutherland's minor roles. I forget the main character
in it. Okay, I'll have to look for it. Yeah,
I don't want to give too much away, but when
the Wachowski siblings, who did The Matrix, were
planning The Matrix and how it was going to look,
they watched Dark City, and they got a lot of
their look from Dark City. In fact, they reused
some of the sets from Dark City for The Matrix.
Wow. So if you like The Matrix, you'll at least
like the look of Dark City. And it's a pretty
cool movie. I liked it quite a bit. It was cool.
All right. And then finally, your gut has its
own nervous system. The second brain in your
digestive tract contains hundreds of millions
of neurons. It can operate independently of your
main brain. Your stomach literally can have an
opinion. That's true. Yeah, we are kind of unusual
only having one brain. because there are a lot
of creatures that have multiple brains, either
a main one in an auxiliary or just all, I mean,
instead of having one central brain, it's scattered
around their body. They have a lot of smaller
brains that work together. Bonk there. Very cool.
All right. Well, that's all then. Okay. When
you're talking about worms, I wanted to mention
something. There's a little worm called, I think,
a planaria. I've heard of that. It's not quite
microscopic, but it's pretty, pretty tiny. Not
a plantain. No, not a plantain. Those are kind
of like bananas. Yeah. Now, this was an experiment
done in, I think, the 1950s, maybe early 60s,
because I remember hearing about it when I was
a kid. These little planaria worms have a very
basic and rudimentary nervous system. They really
have much of an identifiable brain. Uh -huh.
But in a lab situation, researchers... I know
people like that. Yeah, I do too. In a lab situation,
researchers found out that they could put these
worms in a maze and they would eventually figure
out the maze to get the reward at the end. And
they noted how long it took your average worm
to figure out the maze and go do the maze. Now,
once they had figured out one maze... they learned
subsequent mazes more quickly. Now this is a
creature without a recognizable brain, but it
has learned how to learn. It's like, okay, another
maze? Okay, I know how to learn these now. So
they reached a point where they just wouldn't
get any faster. But they definitely got significantly
faster when they'd already learned how to learn
a maze. Now the next step was really bizarre.
They would take the smart worms that had learned
mazes and learned how to learn mazes and ground
them up into a paste and fed them to worms that
had never seen a maze in their life. And those
worms learned the maze more quickly than worms
that had not eaten their smart brothers. Wow!
So eating a smart worm transferred some of the
knowledge and information to the next worm. and
it was able to learn the maze faster. I wonder,
okay, something like that happened back in England
in the 1400s, where the elite were eating mummies.
Yep. And the mummies were like the elite of the
elite in the Egyptians. That's interesting how
they got that idea. I don't know how they got
that idea. Did they know about the worms then?
Probably not. No, no. I can remember there were
a lot of more primitive cultures that lived this
nomadic hunting existence. Uh -huh. But their
feeling was, whatever part of the animal you
eat strengthens that part in you. So if you want
to be brave and strong, eat the animal's heart.
If you want to be smart, eat the animal's brain.
If you want to have lots of children, eat the
animal's testicles. Do you think that's where
Arlie Ermey got his... Arlie Hammer? I said Arlie
Ermey. He's a different guy. I love him. Do you
think where he got that idea from? I think it's
been around in human cultures for thousands of
years that you consume a part of your enemy or
your prey or foe and you absorb that part from
them. In the movie District 9, there was a guy
who had mastered some part of alien technology
by partially becoming alien. And this warlord
said, I want your power and I'm going to kill
you and eat you so I can gain your power. I mean,
it's a very common thing. This thought has been
around a long time. Yeah. Okay. And, you know,
certain powerful elite groups that are, you know,
currently being investigated for cannibalism
and eating children, et cetera, it's the same
thing. So Jeffrey Dahmer was brilliant. Oh, no,
he probably ate stupid people, actually, people
that couldn't get away. Now imagine that you're
some egotistical actor or actress who is really
dependent on your good looks and youth for your
career. and somebody convinces you to start eating
children, it'll prolong your youth. Oh, they
do it? Yeah. And that apparently is one of the
things that some people are under serious investigation.
And some of those leaked emails actually hear
celebrities talking about eating children. You
know what? With all of this stuff, what I read,
and it's true, America's not going to be the
same. There's going to be so many people... Outcasted.
America shouldn't be the same. No, it shouldn't.
You know, like I said, everybody that has spoke
about that in the past, we owe them an apology.
Yep. For not believing them. Yeah, and there's
quite a few people that did speak of it, you
know, in media. Quite a few. I mean, not like
hundreds. There are a good 10, 12 of them, you
know, that have spoke about this often. Yeah.
Yeah That's a whole other subject there that
whole thing right there and then always heard
about the satanic ritualistic abuse and how the
Satanists believe that if you torture and kill
children and eat them and all that good stuff
that You're actually gaining power. Yeah, so
Allegedly, but probably I think would be true
after thing I read that happened All right I've
got right here. Oh, go ahead. You got something
you want to go into? Mostly I got music anymore
from after this. I'm going to try to work off
of your stuff. Oh, no, that's cool. Actually,
it works really well. You found like subjects
right off of everything. Okay. First off, were
you done? Yeah. Okay. All right. This is a list.
We're speaking about the elite and the stuff
that they do. This is a list of elite people.
or people well -known in the media or movies
or whatever that went to prison quietly went
to a country club. Ah, of course. Yes. And these
are people that, and this all started because
my wife's mom was a victim of Robert Courtney.
Robert Courtney was a pharmacist that was diluting
cancer drugs, admittedly, admittedly for profit.
Yep. I could have maybe, I wouldn't have thought,
oh, okay, but I would have at least saw this.
If it wouldn't have been for profit, I'd say,
well, those people are going to die anyhow, and
I didn't want to prolong their misery. Or something
like that. Okay, all right, well, his beliefs
are fucked, but all right, he did it for that.
But no, he admitted he did it for money. There
was a Law & Order episode where they rewrote
that exact story. And in the episode, his motive
was that these chemotherapy drugs, weren't helping
the people anyway. It just prolonged their suffering.
So he just replaced them with clear water and
let these people die their death anyway. But
then the investigation showed that he was taking
all sorts of extra steps to make sure he got
all the money from it too. So it was like, yeah,
you were after the money weren't to do. Yep.
Probably Courtney did that too. He probably said
that and then they said, well, wait a minute.
You did this, this, and this to make sure the
money went in your account. Yep. Why did you
give the money to the next of kin? Yeah. Yes.
So... It started with that, that the word is
he has cancer and he's dying from it. Just dessert.
Yep. Okay. But because of that, they decided
to put him on house arrest. Okay. Yeah. This
is a guy that made people suffer and die of cancer.
They didn't need to. And then they have mercy
on him. I see absolutely no reason to have mercy
on him. That fucking judge. If the idea is, well,
we put this guy in prison, he's done such despicable
things that they'll kill him in prison. Oh, well.
Too bad. That's where you put yourself in. I
would love to see that judge. I would love to
see that judge. I tell you that. You know, that
judge needs to burn in hell. Yep. My opinion.
You know how they hold bartenders liable if you
over -serve a patron and they get into a drunk
driving wreck? Yeah. There's legislation starting
to hold these judges responsible for releasing
violent criminals if they go out and re -offend.
Good. Yep. I think they should. Stop this fucking
pat on the ass when you do something horrible.
Yep. No, that stuff's got to stop. Yep. And there
have been judges who have openly said when they
see a defendant of a certain ethnicity or gender,
they have already made up their mind to let him
go. They don't care what it says and what's done
or whatever this is like now. I've already made
up my mind. There you go. I want to enact the
You First that I'm talking about. The You First
policy. So, okay. These guys are reformed and
you love them and everything. They have to live
with you for rehab. Take them home. Give them
a free run of your house. Hand them a credit
card. Yes. Yep. Let them babysit your grandchildren.
Yes. You First. Yep. I think that's absolutely
fair. Yeah. The You First initiative, I'm trying
to spread everywhere. And it's like, okay, cool.
You want me to do this? Okay, you're starting.
You know, that's something I remember back when
I used to argue with my idiot brother, John.
And I would talk about accountability for elected
officials. And his argument was, well, with all
these restrictions, nobody would want to run
for public office. And my response was, fine.
That's fine with me. If they only want to run
because they can get away with stuff, then I
don't want them. Well, you just got to have somebody.
No, you don't, idiot. You don't got to have somebody.
He was scraping to try to win the argument because
you won it. That's all. That was his personality.
Whatever I said was absolutely wrong. People
like that. Okay. All right. The first one is
very famous. Martha Stewart. Oh, yeah. Obstruction
of justice and lying to investigators in 2004.
Yeah. If they could have gotten her on insider
trading, they would have. Yeah, they would have,
but they did not. Some people argued that she
was a token to get people off of their ass. Yeah,
I can see that. We brought you somebody. Here's
your sacrifice. Yes, that's your sacrifice. And
everyone else, Scott, nothing happened. So they
put their sacrifice out there. Everyone's like,
yeah, burn her. And then, yep. Well, not a transfer.
She was in FPCF, Alderson Minimum Security Prison.
And she probably should have been in the minimum
because, you know, I mean, what she did was wrong
and all that, but it wasn't a violent crime per
se. Plus, she had a lot to return to that she
probably wasn't going to jeopardize by continuing
to do wrong things. Yes. So, yeah, I can see
her being a minimum security. And also... Probably
she might have known a little bit about it, but
maybe not everything. Maybe her people around
her knew a lot more about it, but that could
be discussed. While not a transfer from the harsh
prison, she served time in minimum security federal
prison camp, often described as relatively comfortable
compared to the high security facilities. Yeah,
I imagine that. Yeah, so, okay, there. All right,
next one you might know, too. Rod Blagojevich.
Blagojevich, yeah. convicted for political corruption
in 2011. He was trying to sell Obama's seat.
Yeah, trying to sell Obama's Senate seat. Yeah,
because he became president, so that was up for
the law. Yeah, he was allowed to appoint a person
to finish out Obama's term in that Senate seat,
so he openly was taking bids. Yeah, openly. That's
the problem. Very openly saying, who's going
to pay me the most? That's a guy that got full
of himself. Yeah. I can do this. So, okay. The
transfer, he's moved from a higher security federal
prison to a lower security facility in Colorado
before his sentence was commuted. Served part
of his sentence at a facility considered far
less restrictive than typical high security institutions,
but he got out. He got out. He was commuted after,
what, a year maybe, something like that? Yeah,
it was very little time. But considering the
amount of harm he could have done to the country,
he should have gotten way longer than that. He
could have put any type of a creep in there if
they paid him. Yeah. Satanist, a communist. All
of the above. Anybody who hated America. Yeah.
That's unforgivable in my opinion. All right.
Lori Loughlin. Conviction. College admissions
scandals in 2019. I think everybody remembers
that. Yeah. She served at FCI Dublin. A low security.
While not transferred from this brutal prison,
her placement was in a lower security federal
correctional institution known for housing nonviolent
offenders. Yeah. Okay. And some of these, I see
where they're going, but some of them, I mean,
like Martha Stewart and Laura Laughlin, I mean,
yeah. I think primarily they got lighter treatment
because... Mostly what they were getting trouble
for was not being smart enough to not get caught.
Exactly. Everyone else does it, but they did
not get caught. And it's like, we've got to give
you some sort of token punishment, but yeah,
we're all doing it. We're just smart enough not
to get caught. So learn your lesson, do your
tiny sentence, and learn your lesson and be more
discreet next time with your corruption. Yep.
The next one, Felicity Huffman. Yep. College
admission scandals. Same thing. It was the same
pack. Now, one of those two, one of the girls
that did not get college admission because the
actress's daughter got it instead was so distraught
she killed herself. Yeah. And that was never
brought up, though. Nope. They never addressed
that. And it should have been. Yeah. I mean,
there's some real consequences of the corrupt
action of these elitist snobs who thought they
were better than everybody else and they could
just buy their way into whatever they wanted.
That's a great way of putting it, too. Elitist
snobs. True. Okay, so this is the same thing.
She served FCI Dublin. And for the same thing,
she was in pretty much a country club, another
division of that prison. Yeah. At first, here's
what happened with them because I read up on
it. This doesn't necessarily describe it. When
they first put them in there, they put them in
general population with everyone else. Yeah.
Then a couple days later, they quietly moved
them to the country club, in parentheses, section
of that prison. And from the impression I get,
generally speaking, in prison, when something
like that happens, you don't openly ask, you
know, where's so -and -so? What happened to so
-and -so? You might ask around behind the scenes,
but to openly ask is to ask to get a beating.
So they can sneak these preferred prisoners out
without any kind of fuss. Nobody tells their
relatives when they come to visit, oh, yeah,
so -and -so was in here, but they moved him out
to the country. You learn just to not say those
kind of things. It's an inside gentleman's agreement.
This is the way it works. Don't question it.
Don't cause a rift. Yeah, the good old boy network
isn't just for good old boys anymore. That type
of network exists for all sorts of groups. Yep.
All right, the next one would be Mike Tyson.
1992, he was convicted of rape. Robin Givens.
Yep. Initially incarcerated at Indiana Youth
Center, which is a medium security, later moved
to a lower security work camp with less restrictive
conditions before his release. And there again,
I got the impression when that whole thing was
going on. that the majority of the people who
were prosecuting Mike Tyson really didn't want
to. Yes. I got the overall impression they're
like, they believe that Robin Givens was lying
because she wanted a relationship and he didn't,
and so consensual sex turned into her accusation
of rape. Yes. I'm not saying that was what happened.
I'm saying that was the impression that a lot
of the people prosecuting the case were giving.
It's like, we don't believe this was rape. We
really don't. We can't find a way to not try
him for it. The thing that got me, though, is
the jury said we convicted him with his own words.
Yeah, I remember that. I don't exactly remember
what words he said. I don't know if they ever
released him. I wonder if he just worded something
wrong then or something. Maybe said something
really unflattering about her, like, you know,
well, this dumbass bitch is just trying to rip
me off. She deserved it. Yeah, anything like
that could turn a jury. So who knows what it
was. It's one of those things that you can guess
what happened, but nobody's really going to know.
Well, it sounds to me like he might have had
it won, but he said something. When they word
it like that, it's like, well, there is no doubt
in our mind that he did it or a preponderance
of evidence. Instead, they came out with that
statement, which I found odd. That was a lot.
Yeah. All right. How about Paris Hilton? Oh,
yeah. Probation violation 2007, initially jailed
in Los Angeles County, transferred to house arrest
due to medical and psychological reasons, which
critics described as preferential treatment.
Yep. And it was. Because she's too much of a
spoiled brat to actually live a genuine human
being's life. She had to be coddled and protected
every step of the way. Yep, and they did too.
And, you know, in a very small way, I can see
that because somebody who's been so sheltered
and protected and has never had to deal with
any of the consequences of their actions and
choices and just suddenly throw them in a situation
where this is all real and consequences are immediate
and you need to start making smart choices like
right now, they can't handle it. Their mind just
breaks down. That's right. They simply cannot
handle it. So I get it. Yeah, I do too. Yeah.
Next one, Bernard Carrick. He's lesser known,
but this is in the Madoff type of situation.
He was convicted of tax fraud and false statements.
Financial fraud. Yeah. Served part of a sentence
at a federal prison camp, minimum security, rather
than a higher security facility. Okay. To me,
that depends on the severity of what they've
done and how many people they affected and how
much they stole. Yeah. If it was just kind of
like shuffling the deck a little bit to get an
edge, then I think maybe they should have been
in the lower security. Now, if it was higher
than that, like you got some racketeering and
some strong arming and stuff like that, then
yeah, then you go for the higher one. But I'm
not really sure. I didn't read up on it to see
exactly what he did. So I can't really say if
I think that's fair or not. Well, I've noticed
with a lot of people who commit embezzlement
and fraud, the sentence they get depends on how
much of the money was recoverable. That's true.
But it actually goes the opposite way of what
you think. If most of the money was recoverable,
they get the book thrown at them. They get hammered.
But say only 10 % of the money was recoverable
and the other 90 % is like, well, it's just gone
and it's out there. That person will get a light
sentence because everyone who's surrounding that
case... knows that that 90 % is untraceable and
they can steal it themselves. And they make a
deal with the defendant saying, hey, we'll give
you a light sentence, but now you've got to start
sharing that 90 % you got hidden because now
it'll be hidden for us and we don't have to pay
taxes on it. So since they know it's hidden,
untraceable money, they give him a light sentence
in exchange for sucking some of that money out
for themselves. Okay. So that guy probably had
a lot of that cash and money still on hand. That
he could just transfer over. And that's how he
got his life sentence. Yep. He fought his way
out of jail with untraceable money. Happens all
the time. It does. Yep. If you're rich enough
in this country, you can break just about any
law you want. And they do. Yep. Look at the current
news with Epstein and West. Yep. And how about
old Hillary? Yep. Old Hillary up there. Yep.
Well, my problem is everyone's not getting involved.
No, right now we're focusing on you. We'll get
to them later. I think it's really funny how
the Clintons avoided going to testify as long
as they could. They just went silent. They didn't
say no. They didn't refuse. They just pretended
that no one had ever subpoenaed them. Guilty.
Guilty. But what they were working on was Chelsea
Clinton and her escape plan. Yes. Because there's
all that money missing from the Clinton Foundation.
Chelsea has said, oh, well, now that I know about
my parents' involvement with Epstein, I just
can't have anything to do with him, so I'm leaving
the Clinton Foundation. That's the cover story
for why she's leaving. She's also sold her house
that's next to Bill and Hillary and says, well,
maybe I'll just go live in Tel Aviv with my husband.
Gee, wasn't Epstein from Israel? Yes, he sure
was. So she's giving the public perception of
disavowing her parents and wanting nothing to
do with them and going to another country to
start over. No, she is still doing exactly what
she's already done. She's taking seed money and
a perfect cover story, and she's setting up operations
in Tel Aviv. Yeah, and I mean, it's allegedly,
but I mean, I believe it. So the other thing
is, is all the money that was stolen from there
that no one can account for, her bank account
grew. Isn't that amazing? And what does she do?
Some public speaker? People are fucking rubes
buying that dumbass? Yeah, see, here's how you
launder money. Laundering money is you provide
a credible source for that income. List yourself
as a consultant for businesses. List yourself
as... giving speaking engagements to boardrooms
and private groups. I don't think she's that
smart. Pretend that you've written a book or
two and got published, or somebody bought the
publishing rights but it hasn't been published
yet. These are all things you can fake and create
paper for, and it's like, oh yeah, this is where
I got my $1 .8 million last year, but you never
did any of that stuff. But that's the perfect
cover. Consulting, public appearance. publishing
rights, just all sorts of vague, intangible things
that nobody can prove ever happened. Yeah. So
that's probably where Chelsea's money come from,
is from all these money laundering schemes that
they've got figured out. Oh, yeah. So, all right.
Jeffrey Skilling, remember him? I do. All right.
He is fraud in the Enron scandal. Yep. Enron
was a company that never did really exist. Yeah.
It was made up an energy company. They pumped
up the stock, and then... Everyone pulled out
with all the money, and the people that didn't
know about it, they lost everything. You know,
that same scheme has been used on Broadway. Someone
will come up with a fake play project and get
a bunch of investors to invest, except they get
like, oh, you can buy a 100 % stake in it, and
they'll sell a 100 % stake to somebody else.
They'll sell like 800%, 900%. of their show,
and then there never was a show. They just take
the investors' money and just care. That's kind
of what Enron did on a massive scale. Isn't it?
Yeah, no, it is. Absolutely. So a lot of these
schemes are exactly the same. It's just you dress
them up different. Yeah, yeah. Damn it, I was
going somewhere with that. I forgot. Oh, well.
I interrupted. No, no, it's fine. I would have
done it anyhow. It wasn't you. While you were
talking, I was like thinking, wait a minute,
what was that? Anyhow, it doesn't matter. All
right. He was at a higher federal prison. He
went to a low security prison in Colorado before
an early release. So pretty much nothing happened
to him. Yeah. How about Bernie Madoff? Yeah.
Ponzi scheme? Yeah. Served FCI buttoner, medium
security. Medical facility, so he was in a medical
facility, so he was protected anyhow. Yeah. So
somebody's great aunt that was defrauded and
lost everything and died in poverty because of
him couldn't get to him. Yeah, but he bribed
his way into the prison infirmary so he could
do easy time lying in a bed. Yeah, and anyone
that he affected couldn't get near him. Yeah.
Weasel. So he must have been another one of those
that had a lot of untraceable money to spread
around to smooth his way. Exactly. Yeah, a lot
of the times the prosecutors, the police, the
federal agencies, they don't want to recover
that money. Because if they recover it, they
have to give it back. If they don't recover it,
then they get to steal it themselves. Yeah. Yeah,
that's the way, I mean, it's bullshit, but...
Yeah. Alan Stanford, Ponzi scheme, same exact
thing. Yeah. Jordan Belfont, securities fraud.
He went to a minimum security and then got out
early, way real early, for no apparent reason.
He probably went to work for somebody else teaching
him how to commit securities fraud and not get
caught. Yep, yeah. See, a lot of these criminal,
you know, these people who get convicted and
go to jail, it's not because they're, you know,
bad people and they won't fit in society. It's
just they had the bad taste of getting caught.
But there's a ton of people out there who would
love to hire them to do the exact same thing
and only just not get caught this time. It's
just like all the criminals on the internet.
Norton and all those guys hire them because they
go, we want to know how you broke into us. Let
us know so we can fix it. And they pay them high
dollar to do that. And some of them work from
jail. They're like, yeah, yeah, you can do it.
Of course, Norton and McAfee and all those places,
they don't want... hackers and virus makers to
go away because then their business would go
away. It's like the termite companies love termites
because that keeps them in business. They don't
want termites to go away. They want people to
keep getting termites so they can come and get
your money for clearing your house. It's subscription.
Everything wants to be subscription because they
want you to pay every month. They can borrow
enormous amounts of money based on their subscription
base. Yes, they can. Yeah, they got all this
capital. We got 3 million people. Look at how
that idiot parked. Thank you. That is actually
pretty funny. It is. That's a new way of parking
I've never seen over there. All right. How long
have we got? An hour and 32? What is that? Yeah,
an hour and a half. Okay, do you want to keep
going on with this, or do you want to go hit
the music creeps, or what do you think? Let's
hit the music creeps. All right, let's do that.
So I can contribute. Okay. Well, you are. I mean,
you're piggybacking off of my subjects really
well, but let's go ahead and go there. All righty.
All right, this has been the alternate douchebags.
We're in an alternate universe right now. What
is the name of our planet and the universe? Smegma
3. Okay, we're in Smegma 3 right now. Penis cheese.
Yes. Lovely stuff. Yeah, so this is something
we plan on doing regularly, I guess. Yeah. And
then when football stuff comes in, we will switch
back over to the sports baskets. Yep. But anyhow,
we... Thank you guys for joining in on this brand
new program. And if you turned us off, fuck you,
but you're not going to hear anything. But we
appreciate you listening. Your listenership is
very valuable. But above all, I mean, you guys
spreading the word and really being complimentary
and listening to us and downloading us. We really
appreciate it. And we really want you guys to
do well and go fuck yourself. Oh, no. Looks like
the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.