Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's
right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two
Douchebags and Microphone, live from the historic
river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri.
But only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.
Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio
in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap
studio from Extreme Southern Tent with the Kansas
City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's
grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they
throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're
happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself
off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's
a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need
rolling papers. Well, since you're here... Let's
get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.
All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic
thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to download every podcast.
I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all
friends, family members, and workmates download
this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener. Promise to
grab idle computers, work computers, friends
computers, community computers, and other assorted
phones and listening devices and download the
show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will
download the show and constantly barrage everyone
with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and
scream the show's name from my front yard. And
finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,
we must go to Knoblick Cooter. Licking in Uranus,
Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you
go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's
a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two
Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind
our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume
we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys, we can and will
lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags
and a microphone. Hey peeps, it's time for the
police blotter. That's right, stories about stupid
criminals and the dumbassness that ensued. Let
us begin now. During a routine traffic stop,
Ohio officer Sergeant John Allen found a bag
of illegal narcotics. He was about to let 29
-year -old Sean, total of Columbus, go when he
spotted laying in the passenger seat a clear,
baggy, labeled bag of drugs. Have you ever wondered
what something came about? Have you ever looked
at something and said, hmm, I wonder what the
origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why
we give you The Origin Of. This is the origin
of Rob Rad's loincloth. Rob used to strip in
a nightclub called McCock's on the city's east
side. Rob was the only completely nude dancer
at the club. The other dancers were jealous of
Rob making all the cash and made him use a loincloth
to dance with. Rob soon had to wear his loincloth
daily. He found out that he could get out of
traffic tickets, sell vinyl siding, and pick
up hotties at the come and go. Rob now wears
his loincloth everywhere except work. Sparks
plus pubic hair. Equals to bad things. Yo mama's
so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew. Hey,
my fellow heavy breathers, this is Dash Riptide
with your music news. Glenn Hughes, the legendary
bassist, lead singer of many, many great bands,
such as Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, Black Country
Communion, California Breed, and so on and so
on. He had a U .S. tour planned for this April.
Glenn unfortunately had to cancel due to what
had been described as a minor medical issue.
I already had seats for legendary rocker Knuckleheads,
but like most times, I try to see him, and it
gets canceled. Glenn, I love you, but no more.
Third time getting jerked is enough. We do wish
you a full and speedy recovery, and hopefully
a full and speedy recovery of my fucking money.
Again, sorry. Not sorry. This is Gash Riptine,
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,
you probably have ear damage, just like me. Hey
there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand
new feature news nobody gives a shit about. An
80 -year -old Virginia man hangs upside down
for two hours a day. Now it's time for Pickup
Lines from a Loser. Would you grab me by the
shoulder? That way I could tell every lunny I
was touched by an angel. Mm -hmm. Two douchebags
and microphone. I am here in the can. I am Mark.
First off. Second off, I am here in the Kansas
City area at the Talk is Cheap studio, and here
comes my goat noises because people love them,
allegedly. No, I do not have a real goat in the
studio. That was me. Actually, that was a good
goat. That was one of your best ones. My goat
is spot on tonight. By the way, I am Rob. I am
in Wheatland, Missouri, population of 371. Also,
home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and
Water Track and Hickamo Country Store, where
you can find all your needs, including a selfie
with a green dinosaur in the Doug Barnes studio.
Rumor has it, Dana... Oh, go ahead. And the duck
noises are self -explanatory. Rumor has it Dino
the dinosaur has a huge penis. Didn't you hear
that? Oh, this one does. See? I knew it. The
word was he has a huge penis, so you've got to
take a picture of the next one. I pop my gas,
I stare at him. It's rather lengthy, is it? Alright,
there you go. Dino, good job. Good job. He's
been around a long time. Well, no, good job Sinclair.
Yeah, I'm glad you made it. It is an actual Sinclair
station. Oh, okay. Sinclair, thank you for making
Dino pack in thunder. That's awesome. Good job.
Give us something to talk about. Yes. Yeah, years
later. Remember Dino the dinosaur with the big
penis? And you go, what? Who are you? You don't
remember me? Yeah, I'm going back in the 70s
and 80s when we were growing up. Oh, I know.
And that was before then. I mean, because the
first thing we remember is that dinosaur and
the gas pumps. And then also Dino the dinosaur
who looks identical. on the Flintstones, and
I'm sure they're... I gotta look that up. I'm
sure they're connected. Yeah, yeah. You mentioned
that the last time. I'm like, yeah, I think you're
on the stuff. Rob, I'm gonna make new guy do
that. I'm gonna make him do that. Okay, good.
Okay, good. But not on this episode. He's already
giving me a dirty look. He's already gonna have
an assignment here in a little bit, so... Oh,
yeah, he's giving me a dirty look. Well, he's
already put it in my ear. He don't like curtains.
Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, he's too old. Are you calming
him down after the other day he stormed out of
here? I'm trying to. Okay, good. I'm glad because
he won't talk to me. Yeah, we're actually starting
to communicate a little better. That's good.
He keeps throwing his urine at me, which I don't
like, so I've got to stay away from him. Two
and a half hour drive would be a pretty good
throw, so he can't get to me. I just talk to
him on the phone. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's outside
right now. He's hitting golf balls in the dark.
Yeah. Well, I'm trying. I'm trying. Keep trying.
All right. Okay, did you watch any of the Super
Bowl at all, Rob? I called Bad Bunny. Okay. That's
it. Okay. I didn't know about that. That was
thanks to my cousin because, well, I went to
this last episode. We went to my cousin's. I
borrowed my cousin's son that day. Uh -huh. And
paid him a little money to help get some work
done around the house. And hide bodies. And we
had to take him home and drop him off. Mm -hmm.
Well, it was coming up on halftime, and I literally
had to beg my cousin. to leave the TV on because
he was going to shut it off. Oh. Because we were
going to podcast, but it got run so late, so
we did it Monday night. Uh -huh. And kind of
like we're doing this week. Yeah. But, yeah,
so I did catch the bad bunny. That was it. Okay,
well, there was a shirtless streaker. He was
only shirtless, but he was a streaker. I heard
about him. Okay. I heard about him. What he did,
though, and I vetted this. I looked it up on
several sources. Okay. What he did was this right
here. He bet several people $50 ,000 that he
was going to go topless streak and across the
field at Levi's Stadium. And he won, out of all
his bets, a reported $375 ,000. And he paid a
$2 ,000 fine. I need this guy doing my taxes.
And my investments. You know, I need to replace
T. Rowe Price with this guy, and I also need
to replace my tax lady with this guy. That guy's
genius. He knows how to work money, I can tell
you that right now. Yeah, so, incredible. And
I'm pretty sure it's true. I'm pretty sure it's
true. So, okay, how was your Valentine's Day,
Rob? No, mine wasn't so good. That's why I mentioned
we're doing it again on Monday night because
Princess was under the weather on Valentine's
Day. Yeah. But yesterday she was fine, so we
canceled last night. We had our Valentine's all
day yesterday. Oh, cool. Right on. No, actually,
what we ended up doing, we ended up having a
bonfire just me and her out back. Oh, so you're
banging next to the fire. Yeah, and then we put
the fire out, came in. Did you piss on it? We
actually danced in the dining room, too. Oh,
nice. Yeah. Good touch. Good touch. Wow. No,
that was her. Oh, really? Okay. That's very cool.
Yeah, now the dozen bacon roses from the butcher
shop in Campton, that's what did it. Oh. Oh,
my God. I wish I would have sold those. Uh -huh.
Uh -huh. They were donating some bacon roses.
Nice. Well, see, we have six cats. Flowers get
ate. Plants get ate. Yeah. So I got her bacon
roses. Beautiful. Beautiful idea, Rob. They were
only $3 a piece. I paid more for the Dubai chocolates
I bought. Oh, Dubai chocolates. Those are good,
though. Pistachio. Well, yeah, well, I bought
it. Yeah, they're delicious. It's my fault she
smoked on them. Oh, they are so good, though.
Well, it's actually Casey's fault because they
sell them next to the cash register. Oh, I didn't
know they sold them there. Okay. Yeah, well,
yeah, $20 a ball. I bought her a whole box, which
was six of them. Actually, you can get them for
just a tad bit cheaper online. Honestly, just
a tad bit. Costco has them a lot cheaper than
that, too. And they have a bunch of different
varieties. Yes, they have a bunch of different
varieties. But, okay, while we're talking about
this Valentine's Day and treats and stuff like
that, if you really want to make your love impressed,
they have a McDonald's McNugget caviar kit. I
read about it. Yeah. I just did that one. okay
well it's getting done now so um the burger chain
is offering a free kit when you sign up online
which includes chicken nuggets a one ounce tin
of caviar a 25 mcdonald's gift card cream fraiche
whatever the hell that is and a mother of pearl
caviar spoon signups begin on february 10th at
11 a .m eastern time The combo was inspired by
a dish served in the U .S. Open in August. The
kit, however, set diners back $100. You can get
in on the action at McNuggetCaviar .com. That's
a solid no from me. I mean, I don't like seafood
anyhow. What about you, Rob? Yeah, not caviar,
but can I give you an update on that one? Yes,
please. They sold out quick. Oh, they did? Okay.
Yeah, yeah. The story I read was talking about
how they came out with it, but it was already
sold out. Okay, I believe it. I mean, it's a
novelty, and a lot of people do like caviar,
so I can believe it's sold. Yeah, I think a lot
of people bought it for that reason, because
I don't think anybody's going to eat that crap.
I think you're right. I'm sorry, caviar for Bucket
McDonald's. Sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.
Come on. Nope, I would agree. You'll understand
here in a little bit. But also... I'm trying
to rant. Why in the world would you mess up something
as good as a McNugget anyhow? Oh, shit. It doesn't
need anything else. I mean, maybe some dipping
sauce. Yeah, sauce, not caviar. Yeah. Not McDonald's
caviar. Yeah, oh, yeah. Blasphemy, I swear. Your
McNuggets ain't that great. Why would your caviar
be that good? Chewed up chicken asses. Yeah.
All right. Glued together, chewed up chicken
asses and beaks. Allegedly. We are. Where did
it start? So, okay. I may not be a fish egg fan,
but it might taste better than this next story
I have for you. At the University of Alaska Fairbanks,
master student Nick Dwyer submitted 160 images
made through collaboration with AI in an art
show. The Sun Star reported on January 14th.
Okay, I know this is a little old. I don't give
a shit. Dwyer said his work explores identity
character narrative creation and crafting false
memories of relationships. After a new state
of AI, Psychosis. Fellow student Graham Granger,
19, however, wasn't a fan. On January 13th, Granger
is found ripping artwork off the walls and eating
it in a reported protest. So, he chewed up and
spit out at least 57 of the 160 images in Dwyer's
exhibit. Granger said he opposed Dwyer's use
of chat GPT in the school's AI policy. I'm surprisingly
fine, Granger said after chewing up the photos.
I've eaten paper on, like, dares before, so I've
learned a method like over the course of my life.
Granger was arraigned on charges of criminal
mischief and will appear in court, and he still
is shitting paperclips, allegedly. That sounds
like people we grew up with. It sure does. We
called that a Friday. Yeah. Yeah. He does. Spend
all weekend shipping the paper clubs. Go back
to school, buddy. God forbid if they get stuck
in your anal canal. Oh, man, you know those little
pointy things? I'll get it. Well, then again,
all you'd have to do is eat some Taco Bell and
you could blow that out in no time, right? Burrito
Supreme. That would do more damage because it's
going to lodge it going in. Oh, it's going to
tear it out your eye. Yeah, you're going to lodge
it in a hell of a lot of ways. Well, that's when
you find your bestest friend and you have them,
like, reach in your asshole with tweezers and
take those out, right? Yep. All right, there
you go. And if you went to their emergency room,
they'll never believe you. You know, I ate paper
with paper clips in there and go, okay, sure
thing, pervert. okay so you know um a good will
if you're a woman if you are the woman yeah yeah
yeah yeah i was getting right anyhow okay um
you notice my hesitation there so anyhow okay
Skipping on along there. Okay, if you are the
woman who dropped off a human skull at the Goodwill
Donation Center in Chelsea, Michigan on January
26, the Chelsea Police Department would like
a word. CBS News reported that a woman who was
caught on the store's surveillance camera brought
in a skull wrapped in a shirt. The skull appeared
to be intact and didn't have any visible damage.
Officers turned it over to the... county medical
examiner who forwarded it to the anthropology
department at the university of Michigan for
further study. And there hasn't been any word
on whether it's new skull, old skull, caveman
skull, uh, you know, whatever. So, uh, yeah,
I've been looking for it. So if I find an answer,
what this is, I will let everybody know. Yeah.
I have not ran across that story yet. Yeah. You
know, I've been all over that one. Yeah. Yep.
That's yeah. That's where I have my house. Cool.
Yeah. All right. These guys probably should have
had some nachos instead of exercise in their
pie hole. At a high school boys basketball game
in Frederick, Oklahoma, on January 29th, an official
made an unusual move of ejecting the home team's
entire fan section. K4TV. In the fourth quarter,
they reported this. The game between Frederick
and Magnum was late in the fourth quarter when
an official called a foul. One fan stood up to
yell at the official, then left. The referee
conferred with the school administrator on hand,
who announced the officials asked the whole side
to clear. Play didn't resume until all the fans
had cleared the gym, but radio announcer Chad
Fox, oh, what a cool name, right? Chad Fox, said,
Some were standing outside the doors trying to
peek inside. The official might have been called
a few names for a while now, and he was just
getting fed up, and then that was it. He kicked
out the whole damn bunch of them. How about the
guy that did the initial one that set him off
that made him kick everybody out? You think they
kicked the shit out of him? Made him miss their
kid's game? Well, it depends on how the game
was going. You know what? If they were losing,
you wouldn't have gave a shit. You'd be like,
all right, cool. Yeah. They needed this kid.
Yeah, if it was a nut -tugger that you won, you'd
be really like, oh, piss. Yeah. All right. They
found a stray dog. Shit, it doesn't necessarily
say, oh. Okay, I don't know why it doesn't. Okay.
In some city, they found a stray dog. WNYT TV
reported she took the dog to a veterinarian who
noticed that the GPS monitoring device had been
attached to the dog's collar. But the dog wasn't
a criminal. The ankle bracelet was assigned to
Lamont Alexander Holmes, 47, at Albany, who had
been charged. Maybe it's from Albany. That would
be New York. Yes. Just from the call letters,
it said NYC. Yep, you're right. Because it could
have been Albany, Georgia, but since it says
NY... It's Albany, New York. You're right. Okay,
so this Alexander Holmes of Albany, who had been
charged with felony possession of a loaded weapon
and was scheduled to appear in court that morning.
Holmes is still on the lam. No word on the pup.
Poor guy. Poor dog. All right. Another robot
bites the dust, Rob. On January 15th in Miami,
a food delivery robot met its... Good deal. Oh,
did I say that? I thought it if you didn't say
it, that's for sure. I'll say it. So the robot
met its fate on a bright -line train track after
becoming stuck, Fox 5 Atlanta reported. Witness
Guillermo de Palo, Took video of the train struck
the robot. I was walking my dogs, and that's
when I saw the food car standing on the train
tracks. DiPaolo said, RIP to the per robot. And
I guess this is those robots that they showed
online. Have you seen them that deliver food
to people? Yeah. Per little guy. He's probably
trying to get a sandwich to Miss Jones and got
stuck. Yep. We salute you, robot, for serving
man and getting killed in the process. Yeah,
wait until he runs across a drunk driver. Oh,
shit, that'd be little pieces of tin everywhere.
Yeah, yeah. Or some school mom on her phone.
Oh, shit. Yeah. Robots are screwed. Like I said
last podcast. And we won't even, we're not even.
Like I said last podcast, I've been hit three
times in the last six months. Two times parked,
and then not too long ago, earlier in February,
by some dumb bitch that didn't know the turning
lane ended and swerved into my lane and then
promptly started blaming me. And I still swear
I think she worked for a lawyer's office, and
I'll bet you anything a lawyer says, if you ever
hit anybody, come out there and make them admit
the fault. But it didn't work. So, anyhow, she
ended up fixing her stuff and footing the bill
on mine, dumb bitch. But the whole point is,
three times I've been hit in the last six months.
Everybody's on their fucking phone. All right.
We're going on. For the low price of $250 ,000,
you can be one of the first to reserve a room
at a luxury moon hotel. The Philippine Star reported
on January 21st, GRU Space, a startup founded
by Skylar Chan, hopes to deploy the hotel to
the moon by 2032. It will be built on Earth.
The hotel offers views of the lunar landscape
and Earth, along with surface experience, including
moonwalks, driving golf, and other activities,
GRU claims. The first inflatable habitat after
that. More so inflatable habitat. It's not real
habitat. I guess it's going to be like, I don't
know, balloon puppies or something like that.
I guess. I don't know. After that, a more permanent
and expanded facility will be placed. We live
during an inflection point where we can actually
become interplanetary before we die, Chan said.
GRU believes likely customers will include adventurers,
couples looking to honeymoon in an exotic locale,
and recent spaceflight participants. Okay, so
Rob, personally, I got a question for you. If
you had the resources and the whatever, you know,
knowing somebody or just however they pick the
people, would you do that? No. I don't think
I would either. I don't have any interest in
going in space. I don't know why. Well, I just
feel like I'm nobody else's judge. I should not
judge somebody else's life. If that's what you
want to do, do it. I'm going to do it. You do
you, I'll do me. You know? Okay. I am nobody's
judge. That's the way I try to live my life.
You know, so. Okay. If you ask me to judge, you
know, no. I'm not going to tell somebody you
have to go in space. Okay. I was asking if you
would do that. No, I would not. Okay. All right.
Rob, I'm going to turn it over to you, but really
quick. All of this is Rob's opinion. This is
an opinion -based program, okay? Everything we
say is allegedly, and we know that we're wrong
a lot, like it says at the very first, but this
is just an opinion. We're not saying this is
the way it is. So saying that, Rob, you got some
stuff you want to talk about. Yes, I do. For
the first time in a little while, I actually
have a Rob's rant. I have been going through
some stuff lately on my phone service. As I've
talked about, you know, I moved over here. I
had to switch. And I'm going to go ahead and
say the name. From AT &T to Verizon. Well, I
went and got it all done in one day. Got my same
phone number switched over. Went to both stores.
Did what I had to do. And I thought I was good.
And actually, my service improved a little bit.
So I thought I was on horizon. Well, at the time,
the lady at AT &T, when we were switching my
number over, finalizing everything, and this
was in November, by the way, we thought everything
was done. And she explained to me, okay, You
have one more high bill. And I had just threw
out my plan and brought my bill down because
I dropped a phone off, paid off two phones, whatever.
And also I qualified for the senior citizen since
I'm over 55. That's such a mixed blessing. You
qualified for a discount. I started to enjoy
that part of it. was in December. Well, January,
I get a bill for like $20 more. I'm taking okay.
Another bill slid by whatever, you know, so I
passed it off. Well, then last week, I get a
notification saying that AT &T was going to take
a another payment out. So I get on the phone
because I'm like, what the hell? I'm on Verizon.
Guess what? I was not. AT &T never dropped my
service. So Verizon could take over. So I've
been paying double bills this whole time. Well,
this customer service this gentleman I'm going
to leave it right there could not help me the
one I could barely understand could not help
me he had no authorization to do nothing so I
get off work I go to the AT &T store in town
Talk to this guy, Joe. This guy was awesome.
He told me, no, when you got to call customer
service to get your service dropped, us stores
can't do it. I said, well, that'd been nice to
know four months ago. But no, I was all nice
with him. He was nice with me. Well, he goes,
What you have to do is you have to ask for somebody
with loyalty. And that's the way you put it.
Well, in the meantime, this whole time I'm talking
to people at work, I'm talking to people I know,
and they're telling me, good luck. They already
knew. AT &T does not like to let go of their
customers. All this is allegedly, okay? Allegedly.
I personally believe, Rob, but you can believe
whatever you want. But... Anyway. So, I ended
up calling... Well, I had to wait until the next
day at that point. And at this point, I know
what's going to happen when I call customer service.
AT &T is going to be shut off. Because the only
time I have a call is at lunchtime. And I know
how cranky I can get. So I knew my service would
be shut off. I would get my way. I was just hoping
Verizon would pick up. Well, by the time that
phone call ended up with that sweet lady, It
ended up, yeah, there was yelling. Yeah, my service
got cut off during our conversation. I got my
way. But now I'm hit with this other bill that
she told me she would do away with. It was due
yesterday. That's all right. Let him keep it.
Because on the way, okay, it was weird how it
happened. I had no service. Well, that's how
I listened to my radio at work. So I went like
an hour. And I went over, for some reason, I
looked at my phone. For some reason, I kicked
my music off. My music came on. And then I could
message Princess on Messenger. And I didn't text
my son, but it came up my email address. I don't
know how this happened because I had no service
at this point. But I let Princess know what was
going on. She made a call to Verizon. And before
I got home, my phone is on Verizon. Good. And
I'll tell you what, you know how I was having
troubles with the reception, even though I thought
I was on Verizon? You were cutting out when you
were on the other service, it seems like, and
this one is good. Just up to this last week.
Okay. Well, I can sit in my dining room now.
And do the podcast. I have full service. And
a loincloth. 5G. Yeah, but see, here's the problem.
We have five dogs. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.
You think when your animals come through the
door, it's bad? No. But anyway, that is Rob's
rant for tonight. Okay, thank you, Rob. Yeah,
like I said, I was forewarned about this. And
that was my experience. You guys take it for
what it's worth. Just keep in mind that you want
to get away from them. Yeah, and that's good
information. They do not like letting go of customers,
I found out. Okay, and I, like I said, I believe
Rob, but you can believe it or not, whatever
all this is. Yeah, whatever you want. Yep. This
is my opinion. Yep. This is my experience. All
right, Rob, let's, you want to come back with
some emails? Sounds awesome. You know, for wintertime,
I got a shit ton of them. And there's some really
good ones here, too. So, it's going to be interesting.
So, all right. We will be right back. Two douchebags,
a microphone, and an effort to keep everything
fresh. We offer you first world problems. The
ATM wants me to make a new PIN number for security
purposes. I don't have an extra two minutes.
I need my Starbucks. I'm having the worst day
ever. Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no.
It's the island of horrible jokes. Headache -stricken
man explained to his doctor, you have to help
me, I'm shrinking. The doctor said I will. You
have to be a little patient. Oh lord, that man
just sawed a puppy in half. Hey there, don't
worry, I have a clown nose. guy just hit my child
it is okay i have a clown nose clown nose just
put one on and you can do anything want to run
for office murder people in public just grab
a clown nose and bam everyone laughs clown noses
are sold at keg stores online and pedophile conventions
grab one today and make magic happen hey good
kid no one gives an ounce of shit what you had
for breakfast not even the person on the other
end You look like a mentally slow driv yelling
into thin air all through the store. I pray that
Bluetooth shorts you out and blows up your eardrums.
One may consider self -centered dunce. Monty
constantly coddled this dummy and it fucking
shows. Go look back home and bore your dog. Wait,
you probably forgot the theming because you're
too busy looking in the mirror all day. Fuck
off. As much fun as an electric can opener to
the scrotum, two douchebags and a microphone.
Hey there. We all have those annoying co -workers
that do nothing. There's nothing we can do about
it because HR departments are running scared
of lawyers. So we have to work with these worthless
pieces of garbage. But we have to communicate
about them without them knowing about it. Here
at Two Douchebags Microphone, we developed a
way that you can speak about them right in front
of them without them knowing about it. Stay tuned.
Cordless only works 40 minutes. E .T. always
wants to go home. Kit Kat always taking a break.
Muffler always exhausted. Seaweed floats around
all day. Sensor light only works when someone
walks by. Wheelbarrow only works when pushed.
Excuse me, my dear sir. Could you please direct
me to the nearest self -employed person in a
motorized vehicle? Could you please direct me
to the nearest self -employed person in a motorized
vehicle? Do you mean an Uber ride? Yes, I do
mean an Uber ride. Do you mean an Uber ride?
You just say an Uber ride, you dumb motherfucker.
Yes, I do mean an Uber ride. Why are you constantly
following me around asking stupid questions?
You just say an Uber ride, you dumb motherfucker.
Why are you constantly following me around asking
stupid questions? And I am Rob in Wheatland,
Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway
and Water Track, and also home of Hickamole Country
Store, where you can find all your needs, including
a selfie with the Sinclair dinosaur. And rumor
has it the Sinclair dinosaur has a huge penis.
Yeah, he's hung, dude. Yeah, he's hung, yep.
Yeah, there was extra concrete. I tripped over
his penis one time I went to Sinclair. Yeah,
there was a lot of extra concrete down there.
Yeah, yes, there is. He's kind of like Jeffy
X. Yeah, yes, yeah, Jeffy X. Yep. I think he's
going to have a list on the next podcast. I'm
pretty sure he is. I seen him running really
fast one day, and I said, what are you on to?
He said, I'll give you a list later, and he's
gone. All right, well, I got a ton of emails
for the weather being so nice is what I meant.
We usually get more emails during the winter
because you're indoors and got nothing else to
do except email a stupid podcast. So, all right.
Only we're not stupid. Right, Rob? Oh, no wonder.
I told him to eat a bowl of shit flakes without
milk and, well, go downhill. I know, I know.
Okay. Alrighty, next one. Okay, no, no, no, not
next one. Shoot, what am I saying? Okay. I'm
giving him another bonus. Okay, I had Jeffy X
look this up, and yes. The Seattle Seahawks quarterback,
Sam Darnold, likely paid more in California state
taxes than he earned from his 2026 Super Bowl
win. Due to California's jock tax, that like
jock strap or like a jock and athlete, jock tax,
which applies. What, Rob, were you going to say
something? I was going to say it's more or less
an athlete tax. Yes. Yep. Which applies to the
duty days spent in the state. Darnold was estimated
to owe roughly in taxes while receiving a winner's
bonus resulting in a net loss of... The winner's
bonus was $178 and the net loss was $274. Isn't
that something? The jock tax... California taxes
non -resident athletes on a prorated share of
their annual contract salary based on the number
of days they work in the state, including the
week of preparation for the Super Bowl. Because
Darnold's high annual salary, part of a million
-dollar contract, quite a few million actually,
he was taxed by California. And because it's
a jock tax, he was taxed that much more. So he
actually owed a substantial amount of money.
All right, next. Mark, keep the I call bullshits
coming. Love them. Jen in Missouri. Yep, working
on another one, but this one I'm not giving away
yet. It's everything you heard for a long time
now confirmed. Why, are you thinking of somebody?
Could this be someone you know? I work with it,
Jim. Okay, ask her. Well, it's our lead welder's
wife. Our lead parts welder. Oh. Yeah, we'll
see. Oh, okay. Well, if it is, hell yeah. Thank
you. Head us back up, Jim. Let us know if you're
the one I work with or not. Yeah, please, Jen.
And thank you for the email. If you are, let
me know at work. How's that? There we go. And
also, thank you for appreciating the I Call Bullshits.
It's a labor of love, I can tell you that right
now. Hey guys, you mentioned you do use some
AI for the show. Could you explain how it's being
used? Tone in London. I don't know if that's
Ontario or UK or whatever. Okay, a lot of the
voices you hear on here originates as my voice
and is turned over with AI to sound like another
voice. That's how AI is used around here. That's
all we need it for is different voices. It would
be really fucking boring if all we had was one
voice, wouldn't it? You see, whenever I'm doing
the production on this and putting in everything
else, you know, it's it's the voices are just
me. So. All right. All time greatest TV series.
Can you pick three? And this is from Mitchell
at Lake Freeman Trout Hatchery. So, yeah, Mitch.
Gunsmoke. Six Million Dollar Man. And... Johnny
Sacco. Just because it kicks ass. It's not the
greatest series, but... Rob? Of course, I have
to start with Dukes of Hazzard. Star Trek. I'm
sorry. That's my third one. Go ahead. I'm sorry.
Dukes of Hazzard? Then I think I have to go with
Gilligan's Island. I almost picked them. Very
cool. And then for my third one, you went with
Cartoon. Johnny Santo. I'm going to have to go
underdog. Oh, underdog's awesome. Simon Bar Sinister.
Remember him? Yeah. Or how about Pauly Purebred?
She was one hot little bitch, wasn't she? Oh,
yeah. Yeah, she was a hot, yeah, hot little bitch.
Yeah. She used to like to shake her tail. Yeah,
it got underdog on. Oh, is she? Yes. I don't
know. Yeah, well, see, I got two eagles, so.
Well, there you go. Both mine are male. Okay,
well, you know it eats their own. I'm not here
to judge. Right. Where was I? Oh, Mitch, thank
you. That was a pretty. See, Mitch is growing
up. Our little Mitchell is growing up, Rob. I'm
about ready to cry. No, not really. Hey, douches.
Who would be the biggest influences for your
podcast? Terry in New York. Rob, you? I know
a few I'm going to mention. Okay. I don't run
off influences, but for like... Base -wise, I
don't know. Like it says in the motto, pretty
much any morning radio show has the news stories.
You know, I don't know. I don't base myself off
anybody. I base myself off myself. You know,
so, yeah, I can't base it off anything other
than we try to be it. Like the top portion of
a morning radio show. That's all I can say about
it. It's on me. I would say I'm starting off
with probably Dr. Demento when I was young. I
mean, he was my best friend Sunday nights. I
used to listen to him and all the new funny stuff.
So I would have to say, number one, Dr. Demento.
Then after that, it would just be morning shows.
It started off with Dick and Jay when I started
sneaking on the FM dial and listening when my
parents weren't around. They didn't want me listening.
AY -102. Yes. AY -102 is one of our major influences.
Yeah, and one of the things that got me about
Dick and Jay was this right here. They used to
act like they were driving in a van and doing
a remote, and they're making it up in the studio.
And that's the true theater of the mind, and
that's what always got me. I'm like, when I found
out about the, that's brilliant. You can do whatever
you want on the radio. You just make sounds.
We're on a podcast, too. So Dick and Jay, and
then I would say after that, Randy Miller, when
he was at 106 .5 KCI. After that, to me, I don't
know. I didn't like the brand of humor. I mean,
he was still funny, but he just wasn't one of
my favorites. So Randy Miller at 106 .5 KCI,
because that's when he was doing all the little
skits, Mission Hillbillies, Plaza Patrol, all
that stuff. Yeah, then after that, I'd say it's,
you know, the ones that we knew of growing up,
the Shock Rock stuff, you know, like Bubba Love
Sponge, Man Cow, Johnny Dare, Max Cannon, Max
Cannon, Moffat. I would have to say my number
one would be Max Cannon, Moffat. That's a good
one. I mean, if you're going like that, yeah.
Yeah. I would say I was talking more. in general
yeah i mean i try to be more of myself okay uh
terry in new york thank you that was a really
good question um yeah i hope we answered it for
you so all right uh next one why don't you guys
get on youtube it's a more popular way to get
viewership ross in dallas ross thank you not
quite yet Is that what we're saying, Rob? Not
quite yet? We plan on doing it? Yeah, I mean,
yeah. I don't have my equipment yet. Yeah, we're
getting caught up with the times. Give us time.
We'll do it. You know, until then... Oh, go ahead.
I'm sorry. Actually, since we've been doing this,
me and Mark have not seen each other face -to
-face. I know. It's weird, isn't it? But we're
going to this concert. Yep. Oh, the concert tickets
really are that high, but higher now. I know.
Yeah. We'll talk about it later. It don't matter.
Yeah, it don't matter. We're going. I'll buy
it. Okay. All right. We'll talk about it a little
bit later. All right. When is... Ross, thank
you, by the way. All right. Yes, thank you, Ross.
When is National Crappy Podcast Day? Otto in
Batesville, October 25th. That's why I made it
my birthday when I sent it in to the agency that
does this. So October 25th is National Crappy
Podcast Day. Oh, which is funny because you shared
your birthday with my cousin. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, that's right. Yeah, the one in New Mexico.
Yes, Albuquerque, right? Yep. So, there you go.
All right. Thank you, Otto. Okay. The next one.
Always cross a black cat's path. All you have
to do is give it a maloik. Or maloik. I'm not
sure how. I think it's a maloik. To ward off
evil. Wayne in Iowa. Okay. a maloik or a maloak
or whatever is the devil horns people know them
you know you got your middle finger and the ring
finger down and then the other fingers up or
you know kind of like that they call it the devil
yeah yeah he was most famous for it um okay um
Remember when we did that question a few podcasts
ago, I was afraid of this, that we're going to
get answers slowly trickling in. So I quit doing
the question of the week for a little while so
we can get everybody to send theirs in and then
we'll do another one. So there's more coming.
So the Maloik is that. And whenever a black cat
crosses your path, this is, I believe that's
like really big in Italy. Greece has a lot of
superstitions like that, too. They're only slightly
varied. Anyhow, it just depends on, I mean, really,
you grew up in the Mediterranean, or you're from
that descent, you know that that's how they believe,
but other people are really scared to death of
the black cat when it crosses your path. So,
thank you, and you know what? I just pitched
the damn thing, so I forgot who you were. Sorry,
thank you. Wayne, Wayne. Yeah, it was Wayne.
Yeah, you're right. And I think it was Nebraska.
Okay, Wayne and Nebraska. We have four kittens,
two of which are all black. They're not bad luck.
And now, like I said, we had a shit ton of emails.
Fun to watch. Okay, this is a great email. OK,
this is a featured email. And Rob, I'll let you
say some stuff, too. Let me go through this first
and then I'll give you. OK, Mark, you say that
the elite have an agreement about no one gets
prosecuted. How do you explain the charges against
Trump? Sure seem like they're trying to get their
best to get him in jail. How about Biden and
his son's laptop? I'm certain opposition was
trying to get him impeached as well. I'm not
saying you're wrong. Just clue me in if I'm missing
something, please. Paul Devon in Michigan. Okay.
Yeah, they're trying to get him in jail. Because
then their chances of getting re -elected are
much lower. But it's not going to be a real jail.
It's going to be smear in their face. And impeachment
doesn't mean... that they're actually in jail.
It affects how they serve, or they can't, or
whatever. There's all different variations in
that, and they do it to smear. But you're talking
about any one of these elites going to prison?
It's not going to happen. I don't believe so.
It's my opinion. But I think they all have an
agreement. Power protects power. The way it is.
So, us and them, if you will? Probably. That's
pretty much it. Rob, please tell yours. Okay.
The way I look at it is it doesn't matter who's
in office. They're trying to impeach him. And
that's true. You know, each side is going after
each other. And that's the way it's been for
years. And as far as going to prison over some
of this stuff, I have two words for you. And
that's all I have to say is, Epstein Files. And
I'm done. Drop the mic. Drop the mic. Because
I've heard more, I've read more shit lately.
Yep. I'll let you know some of it up there. Actually,
I know what you're going to say, but we'll talk
about it afterwards. Yeah, afterwards. You got
a bag of garbage? Ah, yeah. Yes, I do. Yeah,
I had to. I had to start a new bag. That old
one was nasty. Yeah. Okay. In a remarkable incident
in Georgia, six inmates assigned to a supervised
roadside work detail became unexpected first
responders. when a deputy sheriff suddenly collapsed
on the job. The men dressed in their striped
prison uniforms and working under the watch of
local law enforcement had a fleeing opportunity
that could have led to escape or chaos. Instead,
They immediately rushed to the deputy's aid,
assessed the situation, and used his phone to
call 911, remaining with him until emergency
services arrived. Their swift decision to help
rather than flee underscored the human element
often overlooked in decisions about incarceration
and rehabilitation. The sheriff's officer later
commended the inmates for their composure and
integrity, noting that such work crews are typically
composed of low -risk offenders participating
in trust -based labor programs coordinated by
the Georgia Department of Corrections, which
is actually anywhere just how many of the road
crews are. But anyway, as a gesture of appreciation,
officials organized a small pizza celebration
and recommended consideration for reduced sentences,
citing their actions as a demonstration of responsibility
and reform. The episode quickly drew public attention,
sparking conversations about redemption, The
purpose of inmate work programs and the idea
of moments of crisis can reveal character in
the most unexpected places. Okay. I like that.
I did too. Okay. I'm sorry. I thought you said
ant. Okay. This prison crew. save this guard's
life. That's pretty fucking cool. You know, when
they could have ran. Very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, yeah, and the, I mean, they got rewarded
too. I mean, you know, the pizza party. Well,
I, I don't, well, he put them in to reduce sickness.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know if they got them. But
they did get a pizza party, right? Yeah, they
got pizza. Hell yeah. Little pizza. Everybody
wins. Yeah. Well, I hope they give them reduced
sentences. I mean, that would be good. I mean,
they did the right thing and that proves character.
So, you know, they're probably reformed. So,
all right, we got to take our second break. And
guess what? We are really, really late. Yeah.
Oh, you got another bag of garbage. I'm sorry.
It's running so late. Go ahead. I'm sorry. to
make this one a little quicker. Oh, no, no, no.
Take your time. Take your time. I was just mistaken.
By the late 1800s, James Lick had become the
wealthiest man in California thanks to real estate
and business ventures that grew alongside the
gold rush economy. With no heirs and a vast fortune
at his disposal, he began planning how this how
his money would be remembered. Instead of monuments
to his name alone, he chose to fund projects
he believed would benefit the public for generations.
One of his most ambitious ideas was to build
a great observatory on a mountaintop far from
city lights and dust. The result was Lick Observatory
on Mount Hamilton, completed in 1888. It housed
what was then the world's largest refracting
telescope and became the first permanently stacked
mountaintop observatory. That's how you say it,
observatory. Scientists there would go on to
make major discoveries, from new moons to Jupiter,
to advanced and stellar photography. Lick, however,
had a very personal condition as well. requested
that he be buried beneath the great telescope
itself with fresh flowers placed on his grave
always today his tomb still rests under the observatory
a quiet reminder of the man who turned his fortune
into a permanent window to the stars wow I thought
that was pretty cool. That's why I wanted to
squeeze that in. No, no, it's fine. It's running
so late. I all of a sudden just reverted to we're
on the last phase of this. You know how we have
the last and then we usually do a story and you
do one and then that's it and we go. So, okay.
Alright, we're going to take our second one.
Well, last week I didn't have the bag, so. Oh,
yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Okay, we'll
be back here in a minute. People often ask, how
do we cram so much funny into one little show?
Well, it's simple. We buy funny in bulk on the
Internet. Hey, Mark, you're wanted at the front
door. There's a big bag of funny they need you
to sign for. Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be right
there. I'm still sorting out the funny we got
from yesterday. There's your answer. We buy funny
in bulk on the Internet. Hey, all you ginger
snaps. It's time for the douchebag question of
the week. Turn all answers into two douches at
mail .com. Spell out the number two. Send in
your replies or Rob will find you. He is waiting
for the word. Don't be bashful. You'll get yourself
hurt. What if you uncovered and decoded a final
warning from superior beings? from outer space.
Would you warn the people of their soon -to -be
demise? Or would people be way too irresponsible,
and would go crazy, and preventing you from coming
forth? Since the dawn of time, weird shit has
happened. Strange occurrences, unexplained phobias,
and other odd happenings. Over the next minute,
we would like to bring you odd, rare phobias
and conditions. Harlequin ichthyosis is a genetic
disorder that babies are born with a thickened
skin nearly over its entire body. The skin forms
a large diamond trapezoid rectangle shaped plates
that are separated by deep cracks. These affect
the shape of the eyelids, nose, ears, mouth and
limit the movement of the arms and legs. There
are treatment options finally. The survival rate
is much higher. All those who believe in psychokinesis,
raise my hand. That needs to happen. Hey, my
fellow heavy breathers, this is Dash Riptide,
your music news. Walls of Jericho is a song by
Bon Jovi that features a guest appearance by
Def Leppard singer Joe Elliott. According to
this Instagram post, the track is from the forever
legendary edition of Bon Jovi's album. which
was released in October 2025. The song is named
Walls of Jericho. The song features Bon Jovi
and Joe Elliott from Def Leppard. Jon Bon Jovi
chose this song for Elliott to feature on because
it's stadium rock sound that is reminiscent of
both bands. It is their first ever collaboration.
This is Gash Riptine, and that was your music
news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear
damage, just like me. Hey everybody, this is
Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some kicks for
life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics.
Rule number one. Type of a pic in someone else's
name. So if you get busted, it's not yours. Rule
number two. Shoot angles complementary to your
length and girth. Rule number four. Okay, it's
post -apocalypse and you're walking down the
barren wasteland that used to be a city. You
find an old can of beans lying in the middle
of the road, but you do not have a can opener.
What you do then is you find a patch of concrete.
You rub the top of the can for five minutes.
Then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze
it, and it should pop right open. Next up, things
overheard in hell. It moves, everybody. Candy
corn has had a bumper crop. Everybody can have
as much as I want. Yay! Two douchebags and a
microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City
area. at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob
in Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent
Lucas Oil Speedway and water track, and also
home of Hickam's Country Store with the green
big dick dinosaur that you keep talking about.
Yes. In the duck blind studio. Awesome. You're
the one who keeps talking about the big dick.
I know. You caught me off guard. You just went
with it. You're like, okay. He's got a huge wiener.
You know me. Hell yeah. It just jumped out of
my brain. I did it. Well, thank you, Rob. The
controversial suicide pod inventor reveals new
AI power feature to allow couples to die simultaneously.
So the suicide pod we talked about last year,
maybe, right? Like mid last year, June, maybe.
You remember that story? Yeah, I do. Okay. Well,
that's what we're talking about right here. The
inventor reveals the new AI -powered feature
will allow couples to die simultaneously. A year
after a controversial assisted dying device was
used for the first time, its inventor says it's
preparing a new version designed for two. The
Sarcopod, a 3D -printed capsule that allows a
user to trigger a nitrogen release, entered the
global spotlight in 2024 after a 64 -year -old
American woman used it in Switzerland. to die
the episode quickly spiraled into a police investigation
with authorities seizing the device and detaining
those present before later ruling out an intentional
suicide now philip nitschke the australian -born
physician behind sarco says development is underway
on a larger ai enabled model built specifically
for couples who want to die together I'm not
suggesting everyone's going to race forward and
say, boy, I really want to climb into one of
those things, Nisky told the Daily Mail, but
some people do, and therefore we have this pod.
Rob, we're looking at you, not only because you're
handsome and wearing a loincloth and have your
legs spread, but because we want to hear your
genius coming out of your mouth. Yeah, it is
fairly warm up here. Yes, I do have one glove
on. Are you airing out the nuts? Is that it?
Are you airing out the twins? Well, yeah, you've
got to do that every time. I was kind of leaving
that off the air. Oh, I had to ask. I had to
ask. But you know what? Rob's balls never sagged.
Isn't that great? He does not have saggy balls,
even though in his latter 50s, he has firm balls
that are well attached to the bottom of his scrote.
How do you think I married the 44 -year -old?
See? It's because of those balls. It's his balls.
She looked at his balls and said, I'll take it.
Rob, please take this. Okay. Let's go back to
my buddy Jake Paul. Mm -hmm. Somebody else has
called him out. Uh -oh. You're going to love
this one. Okay. Okay, YouTube star turned boxer
Jake Paul has been called out by 60 part. or
65 -year -old Hollywood actor and mixed martial
artist Jean -Claude Van Damme. Oh, underwear
splits guy. Yeah. Jean -Claude Van Damme, yes.
Paul, 28, isn't done with boxing just yet, despite
suffering a devastating knockout. I'm sorry,
I can't quit talking about it. It was such a
beautiful sight. It was. Warmed my heart. Yeah,
the man from Somebody Finally Did It. I got weepy
when I saw Jake Paul's blood coming out of his
face. Yeah, oh my God, that was awesome. Oh,
it was a touching moment. Anyway. The Americans
severed a double broken jaw at the hands of AJ.
And at his recovery, Paul has been in Belong
Cortina watching his fiancée Judah Lordham win
Winter Olympic gold in speed skating. Meanwhile,
my father can't talk, but anyway. However, when
he returns to competition, Paul won. be short
of shooters, hoping to strike gold. And Belgian
actor and martial artist Van Damme has thrown
himself into the mix, hoping to land a big money
fight. Hi Jay, this is Jay CBD, John Claude Van
Damme, Bloodsport. Let's do a fight, a real fight
of course, Van Damme said. I promise you, I will
not kick below the belt, which means no low kick.
And so I don't break your knee. I don't break
your ankle. That's number one and number two.
You cover yourself. Same for me, I guess. You've
done a good fight with AJ. People make fun, but
you were very courageous. The Belgian even has
some venues in mind. Let's do a fight. It could
be done in Macau, M -A -C -A -U. Oh, in Las Vegas.
It could be in Middle East, Paris, UK. I like
Macau or Dubai, and I'll go to Dubai. Whatever.
Saudi Arabia, you choose a place, I'll give 15%.
my profits. Jerry, you can do the same if not
your decision. K1 without boxing, without low
kick, or without elbow. I will not stop until
you say yes. What do you have to lose? You're
handsome. You're a beautiful. I don't drive a
Ferrari. I don't use my spray. perfume. I'm a
normal guy who just wants to kick your ass. Simple
like that. We can do end of Christmas or happy
holiday if you want to. Hopefully you will be
available. Thank you. Van Damme added. Whether
Paul responds is yet to be seen. Dude, I love
that. I do too. Yeah, come on. Let's do this.
And he's saying he will not hit below the belt.
Okay. Well, I mean... How old is Van Damme? 57?
Is that what you said? 65, I think. Oh, he's
65? Yeah, 65. Yeah. They probably shouldn't even
have him fight at 65. I mean, I'm sorry. He is
a bad... Hey, hey, hey. He's a little bit different
than Tyson. He's a little bit young. He's a mixed
martial artist. Yeah, but Mike Tyson wasn't even
60 yet. Okay. All right. I would love to see
it. I'll tell you that. I would watch it for
sure. Well, you already know what's on the radar
for anybody he faces. Yeah, that's true. Who
knows? Yep. Or that jaw. Everybody's got to go
for that jaw. No, you're right. Why wouldn't
you? Okay. All right. You know what? You just
kind of talked me out of it. And Dan is one of
the quickest ones that can get to it. Yeah. I'd
love to. Yeah. He said he won't hit below the
belt. You know, you can kick whatever. It's going
to be a kickboxing match, but it has to be above
the belt. That jaw is gone again. I always wanted
to see... My opinion. My opinion. I always wanted
to see... If he takes that fight. I always wanted
to see Van Damme have a role with Steven Seagal
and he just kicks the shit out of him for real.
Wouldn't that have been good? Steven Seagal getting
his shit kicked out of him. That was a match
everybody always wanted to see, but it never
happened. No, and I really, really wanted Van
Damme to just kick the shit out of Seagal. Oh
my God, yeah. Oh, shit. Shit, boy, he went on
the expansion plan. You're not kidding. Oh, I
know. You can't even tell it's the same guy.
That's how fat he got. No. No. Oh, my God. Yeah.
He really is, and he still has a stupid haircut.
Yes. Steven Seagal, I never got his gimmick either
because he never was that great of a martial
artist or anything. He wasn't a great actor.
I mean, I just don't know how he made it so far.
Who was the other actors that made him? I don't
know how he does the roles. All the fake blocks
and shit, he'd bring his hand up, hit somebody
in the face, knock them over. No. That ain't
gonna happen. True. Now, at least Van Damme,
he had to beat the shit out of somebody to keep
him down. You know? Like he said, blood sport.
Oh, jeez. Yep. Yeah, that was... I forgot all
about that movie. That movie was so good. Yeah.
All right, well, it is 9 -17. You have to work
pretty early. I'm off tomorrow, so I don't give
a shit. I'm going to let you make the call. Actually,
I'm hauling the trailer to work tomorrow to get
some stuff up. So, yeah, I've got to get home
and restart. All right. I'm going to take the
trailer to work. minutes early so oh real quick
prayers for grandma opal for real oh always yeah
uh do it extra hard this time i got you all right
and uh we love you jimmy hang in there yes um
anyhow uh thank you all for listening good night
assholes good night assholes Oh, no. Looks like
the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.