WEBVTT

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Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's

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right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two

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Douchebags and Microphone, live from the historic

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river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri.

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But only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.

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Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio

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in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap

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studio from Extreme Southern Tent for the Kansas

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City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's

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grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they

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throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're

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happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself

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off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's

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a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need

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rolling papers. Well, since you're here, let's

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get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.

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All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic

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thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to download every podcast.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all

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friends, family members, and workmates download

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this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to

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grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys, we can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone? Since the dawn of time, weird

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shit has happened. Strange occurrences. Unexplained

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phobias. and other odd happenings. Over the next

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minute, we would like to bring you odd, rare

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phobias and conditions. Kepler syndrome, or the

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delusion of doubles, is a rare condition where

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a person falsely believes a familiar individual,

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like a spouse or family member, has been replaced

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by an identical -looking imposter or duplicate.

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As a type of delusional misidentification syndrome,

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often linked to underlying brain issues or psychiatric

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conditions, including schizophrenia, dementia

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with Lewy body, brain injury, or bipolar disorder,

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resulting from a disconnect between face recognition

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and emotional processing. Treatment focuses on

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managing the underlying disorder with different

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forms of therapy and addressing associated symptoms

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like anxiety. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.

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Okay, so I have a shredded chicken soft taco.

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Now I'm going to lay it flat, open it up, and

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then I'm going to roll it tightly the other way.

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Will it then suddenly become a taquito? Hmm.

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I may never know. Hey there, slap nuts. It's

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time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little

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pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your

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music news. Blackie Lawless founder, frontman

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and owner of the rock band Wasp will not be touring

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this year or even making new music. He will instead

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be finishing up his autobiography and releasing

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the book later this year. This is Johnny Rohypnol.

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That was your music news. And remember, bar chords

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are bullshit. And now we look in on the adventures

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of the technical explanation guy. Oh, my. Would

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you look at the rightly scattering? It sure is

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brilliant tonight. First off, you're on private

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property. Second, you're in my flower garden.

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Third, if you're talking about the sunset, yes,

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it is stunning. And finally, would you get the

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hell off my property, you annoying fucking bastard?

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You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse

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inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts

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beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.

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We have the post -apocalypse. Make sure and have

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plenty of rope, strong threaded durable rope

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with a rating of 400 pounds or greater. You need

00:05:36.189 --> 00:05:39.029
to know basic knots so you can go to the library

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and download the Boy Scouts handbook and have

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a reference to slip knots and other essential

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rope tricks. Rope can be used in traps to catch

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food or would -be predators. Rope is a key ingredient

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in post -apocalypse survival. Please remember

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to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes,

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and scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!

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Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for

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brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

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Every Model T that was ever manufactured was

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in the color black. Two douchebags and a microphone.

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I am Mark. here in the Kansas City area at the

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Talk is Cheap studio. And stay tuned. Here comes

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my goat noises, even though you all hate them.

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And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, population

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371. Sorry, I was wrong on that last one. He

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said 340. 377. Oh, 377. Okay, sorry. I was driving

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by the side. Oh, okay. Home of the Lucas Oil

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Speedway and also home of Hickamola's Country

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Store, where you can find all your needs, including

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a selfie with the Green Sinclair dinosaur in

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the duck bite studio. Wow. Oh, that's all right.

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No big deal. I know you forgot Magnificent and

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the water track. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You

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know what? That's okay. You know what? It's free,

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right? It's free. So there you go. It's free.

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Yep. I'll get it right next time. Yeah. So, all

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right, Rob. I hear angels and harps. Good. I

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need them after today. We both love ketchup,

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correct? Oh, hell yeah. I could almost drink

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that shit. It's so good. I used to. I used to

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when I was a kid. I don't think I did, but you

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know what? It wouldn't take me very much to,

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I can tell you that. Heinz revealed on January

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27th the Kegchup, K -E -G -C -H -U -P, a 19 1⁄2

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inch tall dispenser full of 114 ounces of that

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beloved sweet red condiment, Rob. Holy cow. Did

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you not hear the angels and harps? Yes, I hear.

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What are you saying? I can't hear you. I hear

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other things. I don't know. I hear angels and

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harps right now. I got it. That was a good one,

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Rob. You had me going. I'm like, you really can't

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hear me? So this 19 and a half inch... Oh yeah,

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I've had a long day, dude. I'm tired. Yeah, so

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have I. I've had a long day, too. So, anyhow.

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KTLA -TV reported that Heinz is hoping to ward

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off the horror of running out of ketchup at football

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parties. Jamie Mack. Nice. Yep. Jamie Mack, Associate

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Director of Brand Communication for Heinz U .S.,

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said the keg -chup. is the ultimate game day

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companion that gives people the freedom to dip

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responsibly. Fans entered to win the Keg Chup.

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If you missed the contest, can sign up for news

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and updates at HeinzKegChup .com. I would buy

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a couple of straight up, one for the Talk is

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Cheap studio and maybe a couple on hand for real

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use. So, you know, one on the kitchen counter

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for real use and the other awaiting use when

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you run dry. So I would have one on the kitchen

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counter, one in the cupboards, cupboards, and

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then one or, you know, or whatever you want to

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call them, cabinets. And then one here in the

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Talk is Cheap studio that I can look at and feel

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good. Right? Having a bad day, you go in and

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you go, man, oh. I'll just go look at that keg

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chup. I can't even say that fucking thing. All

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right. Well, it sounds good to me, but you have

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to win it. If you could buy it, it would be different.

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But, you know, anyhow. And the contest is over

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anyhow. So, you know, I was a little late to

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it, but we probably wouldn't have won anyhow.

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Right, Rob? Right. They probably gave away four

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of them. I don't know. On January 24th, a calf

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was born on a Mount Sterling, Kentucky farm during

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single -digit temperatures, the Associated Press

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reported. When farmer Tanner Sorrell went out

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to check on the mother of the baby, the calf

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was just frozen. Her umbilical cord looked like

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a popsicle, said Sorrell's wife, Macy. The family

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made a quick decision to bring the calf into

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their home to warm up. I took out the blow dryer

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and warmed her up and got her all fluffed out,

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Macy said. Soon the visitor was curled up on

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the couch with her young children, the three

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-year -old Gregory named Sally. The next morning,

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Sally was reunited with her mom, and all are

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doing well. You know, too bad her mom's scheduled

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to be ground beef soon, right? Yeah. It's a great

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story, but we know where that count's going to

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end, like the rest of them. But... Yeah. Oh,

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yeah. Well, I mean, you know, sorry, livestock,

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they don't usually keep as pets. That's just

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the way it is. We eat them as barbaric as it

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is. They taste fucking great, and I wish I didn't

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love meat so much, but I do. Just saying, Princess

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is getting ready to buy some chickens just to

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have butchers. Oh, yeah. stock amount. Yeah,

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yep. I don't blame you. So Topher and I were

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talking, and after going to the city market for

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the last podcast, the sports bastards and the

00:12:01.039 --> 00:12:04.120
music creeps, a lot of stupid people were all

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over the place. So we come to the conclusion,

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and I might even say it on one of the podcasts,

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I don't know, but what we want to see happen

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is a bunch of hungry lions set loose in general

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public that will weed out all the dumb ones.

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Right? So if you're literally too stupid to live,

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then that's the way it goes. We're kidding, of

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course. We don't want hungry lions. They kill

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children and elderly and all that. But it would

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be funny if the modern idiot had a few challenges

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ahead of him instead of us appeasing them all

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the time and going, it's okay to be a stupid

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ass. It's all right. Thank you for covering this.

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Yeah. Yeah, because stupid ass... It's been on

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my mind a lot lately. Oh my gosh, there's so

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many people I want to hit in the face with a

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hot iron and not stop. I mean, after the initial

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hit, I just want to keep burning them in the

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face. People are that fucking dumb. I would be

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in prison for the rest of my life. Yeah, same

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here. So we make it too easy for them is what

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the point is. You know, we're like, okay, you

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can be stupid. You know what? Here, come here.

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We'll give you food. We'll give you shelter.

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It's okay. It's okay if you're a dumbass. We're

00:13:19.309 --> 00:13:21.590
all different. It's like, no, it's not okay if

00:13:21.590 --> 00:13:24.389
you're a dumbass. If you're a dumbass, then maybe

00:13:24.389 --> 00:13:26.570
you need to be corrected. Maybe you need to get

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kicked in the ass a few thousand times until

00:13:29.490 --> 00:13:33.590
you finally learn your lesson. But that's never

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going to happen because there's too many people

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going, leave them alone, all that stupid shit.

00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:41.259
All right, I'm going to move on here. So, Rob,

00:13:41.419 --> 00:13:44.879
I'm sure you've heard of it, but the Simpsons

00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:46.840
have predicted many events that would happen

00:13:46.840 --> 00:13:50.559
in the future. It predicted Trump being president.

00:13:50.919 --> 00:13:54.879
It predicted Disney buys 20th Century Fox. The

00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:57.620
U .S. winning gold in curling at the Olympics.

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So now, Simpsons fans claim 25 -year -old episode

00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:06.179
about crazy creeps on an island was inspired

00:14:06.179 --> 00:14:12.169
by Jeffrey Epstein. and the Lolita Island. And

00:14:12.169 --> 00:14:14.889
I went back and I watched this on YouTube, and

00:14:14.889 --> 00:14:21.190
it is remarkably similar to that island. The

00:14:21.190 --> 00:14:23.889
Simpsons also become known as Pop Culture Oracle,

00:14:24.210 --> 00:14:26.950
credited for predicting everything from COVID

00:14:26.950 --> 00:14:31.549
-19 pandemic to AI taking our jobs. Isn't that

00:14:31.549 --> 00:14:33.289
something, how they predicted all this stuff?

00:14:36.110 --> 00:14:51.629
Rob? No, no, it's an ongoing thing. Every time

00:14:51.629 --> 00:14:54.529
you turn around, they predicted something else.

00:14:54.809 --> 00:14:58.049
I know, it's crazy. They have. I mean, they're

00:14:58.049 --> 00:15:01.970
better than Nostradamus. I know, yeah. Seriously.

00:15:02.809 --> 00:15:07.690
No, because Nostradamus was in a cloud of, let

00:15:07.690 --> 00:15:12.169
me think how to say it. Oh, kind of like he's

00:15:12.169 --> 00:15:15.789
very he was very vague about so many things that

00:15:15.789 --> 00:15:19.070
anyone could really set him and you could connect

00:15:19.070 --> 00:15:21.889
the dots if you really wanted to. I mean, some

00:15:21.889 --> 00:15:24.190
of the stuff was really close, like Hitler and

00:15:24.190 --> 00:15:26.230
he's called him Hister or something like that.

00:15:26.350 --> 00:15:29.389
Yeah. Yeah. But a lot of them were like really,

00:15:29.429 --> 00:15:32.149
really reaching. And I mean, I feel like, you

00:15:32.149 --> 00:15:34.830
know, it's kind of like Gene Dixon. She hit one

00:15:34.830 --> 00:15:37.330
thing really big and then the rest of life, everyone

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followed her. And it's like, she didn't hit anything

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else after that. And I think she might have,

00:15:41.850 --> 00:15:46.169
like, an earthquake or something. But now we

00:15:46.169 --> 00:15:48.450
have a cartoon that hits it on the head every

00:15:48.450 --> 00:15:50.610
time. Yeah, I know. And the funny thing is, it

00:15:50.610 --> 00:15:53.690
shows you how parody is so close to real life

00:15:53.690 --> 00:15:57.169
anymore. Right. You know, it used to be like,

00:15:57.289 --> 00:16:01.149
oh, man, that is so far -fetched. But stuff like

00:16:01.149 --> 00:16:04.610
this has happened. Like COVID -19, you know,

00:16:04.629 --> 00:16:07.529
everyone's like, oh, that's so far -fetched.

00:16:07.820 --> 00:16:10.799
Well, they were right. And AI taking our jobs

00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:13.940
back in the 80s, 90s. The Simpsons started in

00:16:13.940 --> 00:16:17.220
1988 on the Tracy Ullman show, and then it got

00:16:17.220 --> 00:16:20.299
its own show in 1989. And they've been predicting

00:16:20.299 --> 00:16:23.580
stuff like this since 1989, way before computers

00:16:23.580 --> 00:16:26.840
were around for home use. This is before Windows

00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:30.360
NT or DOS even. Most people didn't even have

00:16:30.360 --> 00:16:34.980
a computer back then. I just find it just, it's

00:16:34.980 --> 00:16:40.350
really... Yeah, yeah, they have such a, what

00:16:40.350 --> 00:16:44.570
would you say it? Such an imagination that graphs

00:16:44.570 --> 00:16:48.409
so far that they're able to like hit these weird

00:16:48.409 --> 00:16:51.509
predictions as we go on in life and things like

00:16:51.509 --> 00:16:54.970
truth becomes so strange that it actually hits

00:16:54.970 --> 00:16:57.629
it. It's kind of like fiction meets real life

00:16:57.629 --> 00:17:03.940
now because things are so fucking weird. So anyhow,

00:17:04.140 --> 00:17:08.059
I'll go on. So our suggestion is everybody start

00:17:08.059 --> 00:17:10.319
binge -watching The Substance. And you'll know

00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:13.740
what's going on. More than Gene Dixon. I think

00:17:13.740 --> 00:17:17.619
she's dead, though. All right. So now the fans

00:17:17.619 --> 00:17:21.359
claim that the 25 -year -old episode of the clairvoyant

00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:25.160
cartoon anticipated one of the most sordid sagas

00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:28.319
of our age, Jeffrey Epstein's Pedophile Island.

00:17:28.460 --> 00:17:31.420
The episode in question, titled A Computer Wore

00:17:31.420 --> 00:17:35.319
Menace Shoes, which aired in 2000. So it aired

00:17:35.319 --> 00:17:38.880
back in 2000, dude. 2000. Wow. Nobody knew about

00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:43.140
that place in 2000. No. Homer discovers the internet

00:17:43.140 --> 00:17:46.559
and starts a gossip blog, writing under the A

00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:49.680
-list, Mr. X, Jeffy X's brother, actually, Mr.

00:17:49.880 --> 00:17:54.569
X. Yeah. The Simpsons patriarch starts a... airing

00:17:54.569 --> 00:17:57.150
Springfield's Darkest Secrets, eventually winning

00:17:57.150 --> 00:18:01.430
a Pulitzer Prize for his yellow journalism. However,

00:18:01.609 --> 00:18:03.730
when Homer reveals his identity to collect the

00:18:03.730 --> 00:18:06.329
prize, the tips stop coming in, prompting him

00:18:06.329 --> 00:18:09.769
to cook stories up to keep his viewership. Unfortunately,

00:18:09.890 --> 00:18:12.390
one of these faux reports turned out to be true

00:18:12.390 --> 00:18:14.990
when Homer is captured and whisked away to the

00:18:14.990 --> 00:18:18.589
island, a sinister locale where people who know

00:18:18.589 --> 00:18:22.220
too much go toward the end of the episode. Homer

00:18:22.220 --> 00:18:25.579
escapes from the shady isle and issues a warning

00:18:25.579 --> 00:18:29.059
on his website about some creeps on an island

00:18:29.059 --> 00:18:31.619
somewhere who are secretly running the world.

00:18:33.900 --> 00:18:40.000
Ha! Ha ha! Yeah. So, okay. I've got New Guy back

00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:43.000
on track. I hope he doesn't motherfuck us. But

00:18:43.000 --> 00:18:45.380
after you get done with your segment, New Guy's

00:18:45.380 --> 00:18:49.160
going to tell you all of the predictions, all

00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:51.910
like 30 of them. So I hope you guys stay tuned.

00:18:52.230 --> 00:18:55.309
Maybe I'll break them up into two or something.

00:18:55.470 --> 00:18:57.930
But there are so many predictions, this segment

00:18:57.930 --> 00:19:01.910
is long. But Jeffy X, or not Jeffy X, but New

00:19:01.910 --> 00:19:06.730
Guy, he actually agreed to do this. So I got

00:19:06.730 --> 00:19:08.990
New Guy turned around, and he's happy now, I

00:19:08.990 --> 00:19:11.609
think. Did you send him any more pencil shavings

00:19:11.609 --> 00:19:16.170
or money? Yeah. I sent him another $50. Okay,

00:19:16.210 --> 00:19:18.470
that must be it. So he's happy now. So he agreed

00:19:18.470 --> 00:19:20.990
to do this list of the Simpsons predictions.

00:19:21.509 --> 00:19:24.730
But that will be after we get to your story.

00:19:25.670 --> 00:19:28.710
Yeah, yeah, he was happy. He gave himself a Starbucks

00:19:28.710 --> 00:19:32.529
coffee. Oh, okay. Oh, he's a Starbucks fan, huh?

00:19:32.630 --> 00:19:36.390
I didn't know that. Well, $50, you know. Yeah,

00:19:36.390 --> 00:19:39.349
oh, yeah. Well, that'll get him one. That'll

00:19:39.349 --> 00:19:43.609
get him one. Yeah, that'll give him a double

00:19:43.609 --> 00:19:46.970
carmi macchiato with maybe a little special syrup

00:19:46.970 --> 00:19:51.029
and some extra foam. Whatever it is. Actually,

00:19:51.289 --> 00:19:54.490
I take deep drinks and black coffee. Oh, okay.

00:19:54.589 --> 00:19:56.369
Well, you know what? That's a lot of truck stop

00:19:56.369 --> 00:20:00.309
coffee, 50 bucks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He'll be wired

00:20:00.309 --> 00:20:02.990
for sound. He better sound good on this one.

00:20:03.089 --> 00:20:05.230
He better sound good. If he had that much coffee,

00:20:05.369 --> 00:20:10.000
he better be damn good, right? Yep. You are warned,

00:20:10.140 --> 00:20:14.779
new guy. You're warned. So now we turn this whole

00:20:14.779 --> 00:20:20.279
shit show over to one Rob Rad. Rob, take the

00:20:20.279 --> 00:20:26.839
wheel. Okay. There's a new report of a possible

00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:29.940
mountain lion in Missouri as a resident said

00:20:29.940 --> 00:20:33.819
he nearly hit one of these big cats near the

00:20:33.819 --> 00:20:36.900
Camden County line in south central Missouri.

00:20:40.170 --> 00:20:43.029
There is a reason why I'm bringing this up, because

00:20:43.029 --> 00:20:48.410
this hits home to me. Well, Camden County is

00:20:48.410 --> 00:20:53.250
like the Ozarks, you know. And anyway, it goes

00:20:53.250 --> 00:20:57.109
further than that. I just came across this new

00:20:57.109 --> 00:21:00.589
Mountain Lion report that was shared by the Ozark

00:21:00.589 --> 00:21:06.930
Hillbilly. No, not making this up. On the Love

00:21:06.930 --> 00:21:14.339
My Missouri back... Facebook page. Here's a snippet

00:21:14.339 --> 00:21:17.460
of what he said. He also shared his own picture

00:21:17.460 --> 00:21:22.500
of a mountain lion with this description. Okay,

00:21:22.579 --> 00:21:26.799
it wasn't a picture of the mountain lion. Okay.

00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:54.339
It was of a mountain lion. Okay. While he didn't

00:21:54.339 --> 00:21:58.119
mention what road he was on, when he saw the

00:21:58.119 --> 00:22:01.980
supposed mountain line, it would likely be Highway

00:22:01.980 --> 00:22:24.559
7 or Highway 54. Well, here's the thing. Yeah.

00:22:25.140 --> 00:22:31.059
Actually, that is the only spot I lose reception.

00:22:32.740 --> 00:23:26.799
Okay. Seriously. Okay. And it runs right along

00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:31.039
the county line. Well, I got all looked on the

00:23:31.039 --> 00:23:37.000
map, everything. Just to the north of that is

00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:44.519
Mule Shoe Conservation Area. Okay. So there's

00:23:44.519 --> 00:23:48.700
a conservation area along that route. Uh -huh.

00:24:04.619 --> 00:24:08.759
Mm -hmm. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That would be

00:24:08.759 --> 00:24:14.160
on the coming out of Clinton. Okay. That would

00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:17.000
be coming out of Clinton and over to Warsaw.

00:24:19.559 --> 00:24:22.799
It'd be over in there. It'd be somewhere up there.

00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:27.359
Okay, anyhow, go ahead. Well, no, it'd be 7,

00:24:27.420 --> 00:24:34.619
go ahead, and over to Climax Springs. Okay. Okay.

00:24:34.619 --> 00:24:38.619
Anyway, it's somewhere in there. But coming down

00:24:38.619 --> 00:24:44.960
that line, Little Niagara runs right up that.

00:24:45.539 --> 00:24:50.500
So if this actually happened, and it goes on

00:24:50.500 --> 00:25:04.559
to say there was no official reports made. Yeah,

00:25:04.579 --> 00:25:06.559
probably. I mean, it would have food. It's a

00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:09.059
spring -fed river. It's a farming area. It's

00:25:09.059 --> 00:25:10.660
a spring -fed river. Yeah, it's a farming area.

00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:15.839
One of the reasons a spring -fed river does not

00:25:15.839 --> 00:25:17.839
freeze over, because the water is constantly

00:25:17.839 --> 00:25:20.779
moving, so it will have a water source it can

00:25:20.779 --> 00:25:27.579
drink from. Well, between 54 and 7, it's nothing

00:25:27.579 --> 00:25:37.319
but farming community. Mm -hmm. up and down that,

00:25:37.539 --> 00:25:44.299
but like they said, he didn't pinpoint where

00:25:44.299 --> 00:25:47.240
he was. Well, I don't find it so unbelievable

00:25:47.240 --> 00:25:50.019
that there would be a mountain lion there, because

00:25:50.019 --> 00:25:52.980
we do have them in Missouri. We even have them

00:25:52.980 --> 00:25:56.599
as far as up here. We have them as far as Buchanan

00:25:56.599 --> 00:25:59.940
and Holt County up in northern Missouri, because

00:25:59.940 --> 00:26:02.819
there have been a lot of sightings. Yes, yes,

00:26:03.059 --> 00:26:06.410
yep, exactly. They should live up there. Yeah,

00:26:06.410 --> 00:26:08.450
and they've had them up there for years, so I

00:26:08.450 --> 00:26:13.230
know they're down there. Yeah, and like I said,

00:26:13.529 --> 00:26:19.069
that right there would be the perfect environment

00:26:19.069 --> 00:26:23.809
for it. Yeah, it would. Conservation land, low

00:26:23.809 --> 00:26:26.789
-lying river. If they actually see it and have

00:26:26.789 --> 00:26:29.029
video, that would not surprise me one bit. I'd

00:26:29.029 --> 00:26:39.759
be like, okay. It caught my eye because it's

00:26:39.759 --> 00:26:42.599
Hickory Camping County line. Well, this is like

00:26:42.599 --> 00:26:45.259
Lake Area news. So, yeah, absolutely. That's

00:26:45.259 --> 00:26:48.480
what we do. We do some of that. Yeah. So, all

00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:50.960
right. Well, thank you, Rob. You want to take

00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:52.640
our first break and come back with some emails?

00:26:54.680 --> 00:27:00.819
Sounds good. Sounds great. Hello. This is a new

00:27:00.819 --> 00:27:04.750
guy in these two. Well, I'm not supposed to bag

00:27:04.750 --> 00:27:07.750
on them because Rob did give me 50 more bucks,

00:27:07.809 --> 00:27:11.369
and, well, Mark's Mark, but we won't get into

00:27:11.369 --> 00:27:17.269
that. So, here we go, those two dimwits. All

00:27:17.269 --> 00:27:20.589
right, here are all the predictions that the

00:27:20.589 --> 00:27:24.190
Simpsons came up with previously that came true.

00:27:24.650 --> 00:27:28.589
A three -eyed fish. An average Joe goes to space,

00:27:28.710 --> 00:27:31.470
and this is where NASA sends a nobody into orbit,

00:27:31.549 --> 00:27:34.660
and that would be... One Homer Simpson, which

00:27:34.660 --> 00:27:37.720
NASA later on did. Years later, they sent an

00:27:37.720 --> 00:27:42.259
ordinary person into space. Bloody billboards.

00:27:42.819 --> 00:27:44.900
They showed the first one that looked remarkably

00:27:44.900 --> 00:27:48.079
like Kill Bill Volume 1. The billboards that

00:27:48.079 --> 00:27:53.240
came out for that. Deer knees destroy King's

00:27:53.240 --> 00:27:56.240
Landing. You know, this is rather in -depth,

00:27:56.259 --> 00:27:58.259
so you either know it or you don't. So I'm going

00:27:58.259 --> 00:28:02.109
to go on. Washington wins a Super Bowl. Many

00:28:02.109 --> 00:28:04.269
networks try to benefit from Super Bowl by airing

00:28:04.269 --> 00:28:06.390
special episodes of beloved shows immediately

00:28:06.390 --> 00:28:10.109
after, but the Simpsons got on the action a few

00:28:10.109 --> 00:28:13.910
days before the big game in 1992. Lisa the Greek

00:28:13.910 --> 00:28:17.950
says, Lisa and Homer bonding over games, although

00:28:17.950 --> 00:28:20.650
Homer is only interested because Lisa can accurately

00:28:20.650 --> 00:28:23.849
predict the game, and Lisa predict that Washington

00:28:23.849 --> 00:28:26.470
Redskins would defeat the Buffalo Bills, which

00:28:26.470 --> 00:28:30.490
is exactly what happened later that week at Super

00:28:30.490 --> 00:28:34.849
Bowl. Something or other. I don't know. I think

00:28:34.849 --> 00:28:37.369
it's like 27. I'm pretty sure it's Super Bowl

00:28:37.369 --> 00:28:39.430
27. But don't quote me on that. And you know

00:28:39.430 --> 00:28:42.789
what? Who gives a shit? The Shard. Lisa's wedding.

00:28:44.029 --> 00:28:48.309
You know about The Shard. It's a building. It's

00:28:48.309 --> 00:28:52.210
a skyline. And it's remarkably similar to that,

00:28:52.349 --> 00:28:56.509
which they built years later. FaceTime. Lisa's

00:28:56.509 --> 00:28:58.849
in the future talking by phone on a video screen

00:28:58.849 --> 00:29:04.390
with her mom. So then we go to the NSA and the

00:29:04.390 --> 00:29:08.730
CIA spying on citizens, which did happen years

00:29:08.730 --> 00:29:12.910
later and was actually proven. Then we go to

00:29:12.910 --> 00:29:15.049
the God particle theory, which Homer actually

00:29:15.049 --> 00:29:18.609
explains on a chalkboard. And then finally, we

00:29:18.609 --> 00:29:22.069
have COVID and the murder hornets. If that's

00:29:22.069 --> 00:29:23.690
not one hell of a track record, I don't know

00:29:23.690 --> 00:29:28.289
what is. They actually make Gene Dixon look like

00:29:28.289 --> 00:29:31.059
an amateur. If you don't know who she is, Google

00:29:31.059 --> 00:29:34.500
it. But I believe she only had one prediction

00:29:34.500 --> 00:29:37.359
that worked way back in the day, and I think

00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:39.059
it was like over an earthquake or something that

00:29:39.059 --> 00:29:41.059
someone could have predicted, but everybody worshipped

00:29:41.059 --> 00:29:43.059
her instead and thought she was this amazing,

00:29:43.240 --> 00:29:49.059
amazing predictor. There you go. Glad it's over.

00:29:49.799 --> 00:29:52.730
Those two guys are idiots. And I've got to find

00:29:52.730 --> 00:29:54.450
another job because I'm pretty sure I'm going

00:29:54.450 --> 00:29:56.250
to be fired after this one. I was supposed to

00:29:56.250 --> 00:29:57.869
never badmouth them again, but they're both a

00:29:57.869 --> 00:30:00.289
couple of idiots and I can't stand them. Hey

00:30:00.289 --> 00:30:03.690
there. We all have those annoying co -workers

00:30:03.690 --> 00:30:07.230
that do nothing. There's nothing we can do about

00:30:07.230 --> 00:30:09.569
it because HR departments are running scared

00:30:09.569 --> 00:30:12.710
of lawyers. So we have to work with these workless

00:30:12.710 --> 00:30:15.809
pieces of garbage. But we have to communicate

00:30:15.809 --> 00:30:18.900
about them without them knowing about it. Here

00:30:18.900 --> 00:30:20.980
at Two Douchebags Microphone, we developed a

00:30:20.980 --> 00:30:22.859
way that you can speak about them right in front

00:30:22.859 --> 00:30:25.759
of them without them knowing about it. Stay tuned.

00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:29.779
First code name, Absolute Zero. They contribute

00:30:29.779 --> 00:30:32.700
nothing and effectively stop all molecular motion

00:30:32.700 --> 00:30:36.420
in the project. Dark matter. You know they're

00:30:36.420 --> 00:30:39.079
there. They take up space, but they provide no

00:30:39.079 --> 00:30:41.359
light and cannot be observed doing actual work.

00:30:42.579 --> 00:30:46.619
Static. High noise. Zero signal. Stays in one

00:30:46.619 --> 00:30:50.640
place. Event Horizon. Once a task enters their

00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:54.460
orbit, it is never seen again. How about Buffer?

00:30:54.500 --> 00:30:58.039
They take 20 minutes to process a 5 second request.

00:30:59.119 --> 00:31:02.220
The Screensaver. Looks like they're working,

00:31:02.359 --> 00:31:04.640
but as soon as you touch them, they disappear.

00:31:05.859 --> 00:31:08.559
Cloud Mode. Just floating around, vague, and

00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:11.299
nobody knows what they actually do. And finally,

00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:15.980
404. Task not found. Stay tuned for more of these

00:31:15.980 --> 00:31:21.250
gems. Great news, assholes. You can now email

00:31:21.250 --> 00:31:25.069
the douches anytime, anywhere. In the middle

00:31:25.069 --> 00:31:28.410
of a job interview. No big deal. Taking a bath?

00:31:28.829 --> 00:31:32.750
No problems there. Tap dancing. Easy as pie.

00:31:33.089 --> 00:31:36.349
Just send it to 2douches at mail .com. Do it

00:31:36.349 --> 00:31:38.789
now, pussies, or I'll smash you in the junk.

00:31:39.809 --> 00:31:42.849
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.

00:31:43.420 --> 00:31:47.420
It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.

00:31:47.960 --> 00:31:53.460
Your proof the gene pool needs lifeguards. Hey

00:31:53.460 --> 00:31:56.619
there, my little sorghum chewers. It's time for

00:31:56.619 --> 00:32:04.740
another edition of Dive Bar Man Coats. And here

00:32:04.740 --> 00:32:07.759
we go. Number one, the stickier the floor, the

00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:12.079
stronger the drinks. You do not ask what's in

00:32:12.079 --> 00:32:16.079
the well liquor. You accept it. If the bartender

00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:21.380
calls you hun, you're safe. Cash is king. Cards

00:32:21.380 --> 00:32:25.740
are suspicious. The quiet guy at the end of the

00:32:25.740 --> 00:32:30.240
bar knows everything. You're not regulars. You

00:32:30.240 --> 00:32:33.440
do not ask questions. If the jukebox is present,

00:32:33.619 --> 00:32:37.920
you must be used responsibly. Never play more

00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:41.230
than two songs in a row. Touching the jukebox

00:32:41.230 --> 00:32:43.869
after midnight is a bold move and should probably

00:32:43.869 --> 00:32:47.390
not happen. Two douchebags and microphone in

00:32:47.390 --> 00:32:50.549
an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

00:32:50.549 --> 00:32:56.769
you first world problems. What in the devil?

00:32:57.029 --> 00:33:00.150
My bank is really out of calendars. What do they

00:33:00.150 --> 00:33:02.630
expect me to do? Go to Walmart and buy a $3 calendar?

00:33:03.049 --> 00:33:07.460
This is complete bullshit. I am outraged. Harambe

00:33:07.460 --> 00:33:10.099
used to listen to our original show, Two Dipshits

00:33:10.099 --> 00:33:12.460
and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.

00:33:12.980 --> 00:33:15.660
Harambe does not listen to our original show,

00:33:15.799 --> 00:33:18.079
Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic

00:33:18.079 --> 00:33:21.740
Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask why Harambe

00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:24.180
never listens to our original show, Two Dipshits

00:33:24.180 --> 00:33:26.440
and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.

00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:30.440
Well, it's because Harambe is dead. Senselessly

00:33:30.440 --> 00:33:32.359
murdered because some idiot did not watch her

00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:35.359
child properly while looking on her phone. Sadly,

00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:37.480
Arambe does not listen to our original show,

00:33:37.579 --> 00:33:39.759
Two Gibshits and the Cheap Radio Shack Realistic

00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:43.740
Dig Recorder, or any other show. Anymore. Sorry,

00:33:43.859 --> 00:33:47.700
Arambe. Two douchebags and a microphone. There

00:33:47.700 --> 00:33:52.180
is no escape. Enter at your own risk. You will

00:33:52.180 --> 00:33:56.700
not make it out. Run while you still can, bitches.

00:33:57.950 --> 00:33:59.930
Have you ever wondered what something came about?

00:34:00.150 --> 00:34:02.130
Have you ever looked at something and said, Hey,

00:34:02.289 --> 00:34:05.329
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so

00:34:05.329 --> 00:34:09.670
have we. That's why we give you the origin of...

00:34:09.670 --> 00:34:13.429
The origin of the nose ring. The middle east

00:34:13.429 --> 00:34:15.929
is the birthplace of the nostril ring, piercing,

00:34:16.150 --> 00:34:20.090
tracking back 4 ,000 years. Nostrils were held

00:34:20.090 --> 00:34:22.929
as a status of upper class if they were pierced

00:34:22.929 --> 00:34:27.219
with a ring. Next up, things overheard in hell.

00:34:28.599 --> 00:34:33.780
Gary Glitter has been named the lead singer in

00:34:33.780 --> 00:34:37.599
the boys' choir of hell. Christopher, you were

00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:42.019
talking about brain maturity the other day. Yeah,

00:34:42.139 --> 00:34:46.119
that's something that I saw an article on. A

00:34:46.119 --> 00:34:49.440
lot of neurologists are saying that a human's

00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:52.949
brain doesn't reach full maturity. until age

00:34:52.949 --> 00:34:58.409
25, which I thought was rather interesting because

00:34:58.409 --> 00:35:08.190
there's a lot of consideration of maturity when

00:35:08.190 --> 00:35:11.170
they're talking about laws. Is a person mature

00:35:11.170 --> 00:35:15.010
enough? Can they handle this responsibility?

00:35:15.469 --> 00:35:19.960
Can they be held responsible for this? That brings

00:35:19.960 --> 00:35:22.039
a lot of stuff in question, doesn't it? Yeah.

00:35:22.300 --> 00:35:25.920
We say if you're under 18, then your brain isn't

00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:30.400
mature enough to vote. But at 18, you are. But

00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:32.780
at 18, you're able to fight for your country,

00:35:32.940 --> 00:35:37.039
which to me is kind of contradictory. But your

00:35:37.039 --> 00:35:39.159
brain isn't mature yet for another seven years.

00:35:39.460 --> 00:35:41.880
So can you really make the decision to go and

00:35:41.880 --> 00:35:43.840
risk your life for your country if your brain

00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:48.900
is still immature? Well, okay. It used to be

00:35:48.900 --> 00:35:51.059
you didn't make the decision. That's true. Now

00:35:51.059 --> 00:35:53.599
that you do make the decision, that's very much

00:35:53.599 --> 00:35:57.500
up for debate because is it legal? Could someone

00:35:57.500 --> 00:36:01.019
get out of it with this defense? That's a good

00:36:01.019 --> 00:36:03.420
question. That's a good question. There are already

00:36:03.420 --> 00:36:08.079
people who are talking about not making people

00:36:08.079 --> 00:36:11.539
under the age of 18 pay any kind of income tax

00:36:11.539 --> 00:36:15.809
because they don't get to vote yet. So they are

00:36:15.809 --> 00:36:18.150
not represented. Yeah, that's true, and they're

00:36:18.150 --> 00:36:21.969
not felons. Yeah, that's one of the big parts

00:36:21.969 --> 00:36:27.650
of this country is representation has to come

00:36:27.650 --> 00:36:30.829
along with taxation. So if you're taxing a 16

00:36:30.829 --> 00:36:32.889
-year -old or a 17 -year -old on their income,

00:36:33.050 --> 00:36:35.789
they don't get to vote. That's true. They should

00:36:35.789 --> 00:36:45.449
be exempt. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I really... I

00:36:45.449 --> 00:36:47.630
don't know. I'm kind of on the fence. I see both

00:36:47.630 --> 00:36:53.030
sides. I mean, but then 25, I mean, I think that

00:36:53.030 --> 00:36:56.489
that right there would help the conservatives

00:36:56.489 --> 00:37:01.389
more than the liberals. Because it's my belief

00:37:01.389 --> 00:37:03.570
that people get more conservative the longer

00:37:03.570 --> 00:37:06.449
they live. Yeah, and the more they have to lose.

00:37:06.710 --> 00:37:10.769
Yes. And the more often random bad shit happens

00:37:10.769 --> 00:37:14.150
to them. Yes. Like the old joke is a conservative

00:37:14.150 --> 00:37:17.409
is a liberal who's been mugged and a liberal

00:37:17.409 --> 00:37:20.849
is a conservative who's been arrested. That's

00:37:20.849 --> 00:37:24.010
pretty good. It just depends on your point of

00:37:24.010 --> 00:37:29.449
view. This is Joshua Belmont, your food for thought

00:37:29.449 --> 00:37:32.510
man on The Hustle. So I just realized a genius

00:37:32.510 --> 00:37:35.389
that gets absolutely no credit. His name is Marshall

00:37:35.389 --> 00:37:38.289
Taylor. He's credited with the first bag of salad

00:37:38.289 --> 00:37:41.449
mix that was bagged and sold. Yesterday. was

00:37:41.449 --> 00:37:45.309
his birthday. I believe he is still alive. This

00:37:45.309 --> 00:37:47.429
guy's genius will never be fully appreciated.

00:37:47.889 --> 00:37:50.670
Before this man, we settled for iceberg lettuce

00:37:50.670 --> 00:37:52.869
with maybe a couple of croutons and some cheese.

00:37:53.389 --> 00:37:56.349
Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with that? Hell no.

00:37:56.710 --> 00:37:58.989
He realized that Billy Americana would never

00:37:58.989 --> 00:38:01.070
go out and buy a couple of radishes, a couple

00:38:01.070 --> 00:38:03.789
of carrots, a head of purple cabbage, maybe snow

00:38:03.789 --> 00:38:05.969
peas, and possibly some cute romaine lettuce

00:38:05.969 --> 00:38:09.829
for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should have

00:38:09.829 --> 00:38:12.920
a national holiday. We salute you. Thank you

00:38:12.920 --> 00:38:25.360
for your great work. Welcome back. This is Mark

00:38:25.360 --> 00:38:27.960
of the Two Douchebags and Microphone podcast.

00:38:28.460 --> 00:38:31.460
I am the Kansas City chapter of it in the Talk

00:38:31.460 --> 00:38:33.980
is Cheap studio. And here are my goat noises

00:38:33.980 --> 00:38:44.639
that people love. I made that last part up. Wheatland,

00:38:44.739 --> 00:38:50.360
Missouri. Population at 371. Home of the magnificent

00:38:50.360 --> 00:38:55.699
Lucas Oil Speedway and water track. And also

00:38:55.699 --> 00:38:59.500
home of Hickamoe's Country Store where you can

00:38:59.500 --> 00:39:04.159
get a selfie with the green dinosaur in the Doug

00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:09.639
Black studio. All right. Dino, the green dinosaur.

00:39:10.059 --> 00:39:14.679
Yeah, Dino. Yeah, the Sinclair. I'm going to

00:39:14.679 --> 00:39:17.139
look this up, Rob. Okay, I had a long day. Okay,

00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:20.519
I want to look this up, Rob. No, I wasn't saying

00:39:20.519 --> 00:39:22.820
you didn't have to call him Dino. I mean, everybody

00:39:22.820 --> 00:39:24.659
knows him as a green dinosaur. What I'm saying

00:39:24.659 --> 00:39:27.519
is this. Oh, no, it is Dino. It's me, Miss Dino.

00:39:27.519 --> 00:39:30.760
I looked it up. Oh, I know it is. I want to know

00:39:30.760 --> 00:39:33.980
if... the Flintstones came out with Dino first,

00:39:34.099 --> 00:39:36.860
or if Sinclair came out with Dino first. They

00:39:36.860 --> 00:39:38.820
have to be connected because they look exactly

00:39:38.820 --> 00:39:41.400
the same, the green dinosaur, and they're both

00:39:41.400 --> 00:39:43.519
named Dino, and they both have spots on them,

00:39:43.539 --> 00:39:46.699
and they look like a brontosaurus, maybe, I think,

00:39:46.699 --> 00:39:49.940
if I remember correctly. Honestly, if I remember

00:39:49.940 --> 00:39:54.420
right, I think Sinclair is older. I'm not positive

00:39:54.420 --> 00:40:02.059
on that, but I think the Sinclair was. I remember

00:40:02.059 --> 00:40:05.239
Sinclair's when I was like six years old. We

00:40:05.239 --> 00:40:07.940
used to go to a Sinclair's station. Well, Flintstones

00:40:07.940 --> 00:40:12.460
is old too. Yeah, yeah. You know what? The Flintstones

00:40:12.460 --> 00:40:15.260
were before I was born, the episodes, a lot of

00:40:15.260 --> 00:40:18.340
them. Yeah, they both were. But I'm thinking

00:40:18.340 --> 00:40:21.769
Sinclair came out first. I remember it well because

00:40:21.769 --> 00:40:23.630
we went to that Sinclair station. That's when

00:40:23.630 --> 00:40:26.530
they had the cheap soda pops in the aisle. You

00:40:26.530 --> 00:40:30.329
know, they had the gas station and it would be

00:40:30.329 --> 00:40:34.010
in the middle of the gas pumps. And they had

00:40:34.010 --> 00:40:36.269
a stack of the cheap sodas and we'd head out

00:40:36.269 --> 00:40:40.329
to the lake and we'd run by there. And I think

00:40:40.329 --> 00:40:44.769
it's like fucking Surefine or Canfields or something

00:40:44.769 --> 00:40:46.650
like that. I think it might have been Canfields.

00:40:46.750 --> 00:40:50.159
Nasty shit. But we were children. So it was like,

00:40:50.219 --> 00:40:55.099
oh, orange pop. Fuck yeah. But anyhow. All right.

00:40:55.179 --> 00:40:57.239
And that was a Sinclair. And then we started

00:40:57.239 --> 00:41:00.699
going to FINA because Sinclair got, I don't know,

00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:03.619
like 10 cents higher or something. But all right.

00:41:04.699 --> 00:41:07.300
And why you guys needed to know that, I have

00:41:07.300 --> 00:41:09.519
no fucking idea. But I go back to. Yeah, we don't

00:41:09.519 --> 00:41:12.480
have a clue. Yeah. It's free. You're getting

00:41:12.480 --> 00:41:14.719
your money's worth this podcast. So all right.

00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:19.690
First one, emails. Hey, guys. What's both your

00:41:19.690 --> 00:41:23.570
opinions on inner thigh chafing? Please and thank

00:41:23.570 --> 00:41:26.409
you. You're the best. Mitch, in an undisclosed

00:41:26.409 --> 00:41:32.190
location far away. Inner... Yeah, inner thigh

00:41:32.190 --> 00:41:36.570
chafing is of the devil. Satan came up with that.

00:41:37.610 --> 00:41:42.530
He came up with inner thigh chafing to destroy

00:41:42.530 --> 00:41:48.690
mankind. Right? Yes. And he's doing a pretty

00:41:48.690 --> 00:41:50.250
good job of it, too, because there's nothing

00:41:50.250 --> 00:41:53.530
worse than a chafed inner thigh and still having

00:41:53.530 --> 00:41:58.269
to work. Oh, man. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've

00:41:58.269 --> 00:42:00.510
got to use lotion or something like that. You

00:42:00.510 --> 00:42:03.210
know, Gold Bond is pretty good, Mitch. So if

00:42:03.210 --> 00:42:05.929
you have a lot of this chafing, what kind of

00:42:05.929 --> 00:42:08.150
lotion do you use, Rob? Is it Gold Bond or something

00:42:08.150 --> 00:42:13.429
else? I usually use Gold Bond, yeah. Okay. There

00:42:13.429 --> 00:42:15.949
you go, Mitch. There is your inner thigh chafing.

00:42:22.070 --> 00:42:26.090
Yes. Oh, my gosh. It dries. It dries. I work

00:42:26.090 --> 00:42:28.590
with this guy that used to powder up his inner

00:42:28.590 --> 00:42:32.329
thighs so bad that you go into this stall and

00:42:32.329 --> 00:42:36.190
it'd be white everywhere. Oh, yeah. But, I mean,

00:42:36.230 --> 00:42:42.050
you know, I get it. All over because people are

00:42:42.050 --> 00:42:44.349
powdering down their nut sack and their inner

00:42:44.349 --> 00:42:49.170
thighs. All right, next one. Mark, will you please

00:42:49.170 --> 00:42:52.469
tell the barstool story again? That was hilarious.

00:42:53.550 --> 00:42:56.449
Oh, wait. That was an actual funny show I heard

00:42:56.449 --> 00:43:00.429
that on. My bad. Butchy Boy in Florence. Okay,

00:43:00.510 --> 00:43:03.469
first off, Butchy Boy is a bullshit name. And

00:43:03.469 --> 00:43:08.929
second off, I kind of like that. That was hilarious.

00:43:09.170 --> 00:43:11.269
Oh, wait. I heard that on an actual funny show.

00:43:11.670 --> 00:43:16.619
You ought to write for us. Do what now? I like

00:43:16.619 --> 00:43:19.239
that. Yeah, that was good. That was good. Butchy

00:43:19.239 --> 00:43:23.179
boy. Thank you. Keep them coming. Hate mail goes

00:43:23.179 --> 00:43:25.940
to the front. You know this. That was pretty

00:43:25.940 --> 00:43:28.579
good, though. He had me going. I'm like, barstool

00:43:28.579 --> 00:43:31.480
story? I'm like, I don't ever recall having a

00:43:31.480 --> 00:43:36.780
barstool story. Butchy, you're cool. All right.

00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:41.960
Mark or Rob, do you either other you? He wrote

00:43:41.960 --> 00:43:46.599
this. Okay. Here, let me do this right. Mark

00:43:46.599 --> 00:43:51.139
or Rob, do either of you know what happened to

00:43:51.139 --> 00:43:53.659
Dizzy Reed, the guitarist that originally replaced

00:43:53.659 --> 00:43:57.000
Izzy Stradlin and Guns N' Roses, Terry and Austin?

00:43:58.679 --> 00:44:04.820
No, I don't. Honestly, I personally do not. Terry

00:44:04.820 --> 00:44:08.239
is thinking of Gilby Clark. Dizzy is Guns N'

00:44:08.340 --> 00:44:10.599
Roses keyboardist, and he's been in the band

00:44:10.599 --> 00:44:14.599
since 1990. He still tours with them and plays

00:44:14.599 --> 00:44:17.400
with them on stage. You're thinking of Gilby

00:44:17.400 --> 00:44:20.500
Clark, and he went solo, but he never toured

00:44:20.500 --> 00:44:23.760
because, if what I read is correct, he has severe

00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:28.079
stage fright and he can't get on stage. It freaks

00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:31.239
him out. So he likes to make music still, but

00:44:31.239 --> 00:44:34.159
Guns N' Roses, he quit Guns N' Roses supposedly

00:44:34.159 --> 00:44:38.480
because of his stage fright. But he did put out

00:44:38.480 --> 00:44:44.820
an album as late as like 2000 maybe. yeah it

00:44:44.820 --> 00:44:48.219
is a solo album and his first one was called

00:44:48.219 --> 00:44:51.659
pawn shop guitars and i wasn't real crazy about

00:44:51.659 --> 00:44:53.820
it it was okay it was quite a stretch away from

00:44:53.820 --> 00:44:58.039
his playing in guns and roses uh so have you

00:44:58.039 --> 00:45:00.159
ever heard any of his solo stuff a lot of people

00:45:00.159 --> 00:45:04.880
have not so i have not okay but no it's a gilby

00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:09.420
clark is one that uh that was replaced that replaced

00:45:09.420 --> 00:45:13.320
Izzy Stradlin. And then Gilby Clark left. And

00:45:13.320 --> 00:45:19.559
it's Michael Forte now and Slash, of course.

00:45:19.840 --> 00:45:22.320
And they sometimes have a third guitarist on

00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:25.139
stage too. I don't know if they do that actually

00:45:25.139 --> 00:45:27.699
in the recording, but they do that on stage sometimes.

00:45:28.300 --> 00:45:32.989
All right. Thank you, Terry and Austin. Mark,

00:45:33.050 --> 00:45:35.730
do you plan on trying to do other types of specialty

00:45:35.730 --> 00:45:38.829
podcasts? I'm complimenting you. I admire your

00:45:38.829 --> 00:45:41.530
versatility on so many subjects and your ability

00:45:41.530 --> 00:45:44.190
to make humor out of it. Tony in Greensboro.

00:45:44.610 --> 00:45:48.630
Tony, what a great compliment. Thank you. Topher

00:45:48.630 --> 00:45:50.929
and I are actually talking about other types

00:45:50.929 --> 00:45:53.590
of podcasts we can do because after the Super

00:45:53.590 --> 00:45:56.349
Bowl yesterday, we are hitting our slow time.

00:45:57.210 --> 00:46:01.889
Until the draft. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we can keep

00:46:01.889 --> 00:46:04.829
it on, but we rehash so much stuff that we don't

00:46:04.829 --> 00:46:07.230
feel like it's that entertaining as it could

00:46:07.230 --> 00:46:10.010
be. So we're talking about doing some other stuff.

00:46:10.070 --> 00:46:12.309
We're still working on the what really happened.

00:46:13.010 --> 00:46:14.949
And we're actually thinking about making that

00:46:14.949 --> 00:46:17.949
a segment instead of a whole show. Doing like

00:46:17.949 --> 00:46:20.869
a, oh yeah, you heard this? Well, this is what

00:46:20.869 --> 00:46:23.670
really happened. And I'll give you an example.

00:46:24.210 --> 00:46:28.170
Okay, allegedly. When Bill Clinton got his haircut

00:46:28.170 --> 00:46:32.210
on that airplane, I think it was in California

00:46:32.210 --> 00:46:36.010
possibly. Allegedly, he wasn't getting a haircut,

00:46:36.150 --> 00:46:38.909
but he was getting an oral from some chick. And

00:46:38.909 --> 00:46:41.389
they made up that story about him getting a haircut.

00:46:43.369 --> 00:46:46.349
So stuff like that. People say that that's what

00:46:46.349 --> 00:46:48.030
really happened, but we're actually going to

00:46:48.030 --> 00:46:50.969
go with stuff that's been confirmed. What people

00:46:50.969 --> 00:46:53.449
think happened, because that's what the media

00:46:53.449 --> 00:47:01.880
told you. Yes. Yep. And I think, who was it?

00:47:02.239 --> 00:47:04.539
Possibly Sharon Stone or somebody was supposedly

00:47:04.539 --> 00:47:07.159
the one giving it to him, but I have no idea

00:47:07.159 --> 00:47:09.880
if any of that's fucking true. But, you know,

00:47:09.900 --> 00:47:15.039
seeing all the stuff. Okay. All right. Next one.

00:47:15.139 --> 00:47:18.739
All right. Hey, guys. Thank you, Tony, in Greensboro,

00:47:18.860 --> 00:47:22.539
and I appreciate you appreciating us. All right.

00:47:22.559 --> 00:47:24.940
Hey, guys. Please stop doing the bullshits on

00:47:24.940 --> 00:47:27.440
government theft. All it does is piss me off

00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:29.719
and ruin my day. Not like we can do anything

00:47:29.719 --> 00:47:32.480
about it. Allen and Kansas City, yes you can.

00:47:32.760 --> 00:47:34.940
You can do a lot about it. What you do is you

00:47:34.940 --> 00:47:37.599
do like we do. You broadcast this to anybody

00:47:37.599 --> 00:47:40.780
that'll fucking listen. And you tell them. And

00:47:40.780 --> 00:47:43.679
you make them do the research if they have to.

00:47:43.719 --> 00:47:45.980
If not, you bring it to them. People need to

00:47:45.980 --> 00:47:48.940
be aware that we are being run by fucking crooks.

00:47:49.400 --> 00:47:52.260
And like I said, number one, I said this a long

00:47:52.260 --> 00:47:54.699
time ago when they first started talking about

00:47:54.699 --> 00:47:57.800
releasing the Epstein documents. Not one person

00:47:57.800 --> 00:48:00.880
will be arrested. And the reason is because power

00:48:00.880 --> 00:48:04.000
protects power. They have this agreement, folks.

00:48:04.139 --> 00:48:06.780
They have this agreement. They're only going

00:48:06.780 --> 00:48:11.659
to go so far. That's it. And not one person has

00:48:11.659 --> 00:48:15.179
been arrested yet. Bingo. And you won't see it.

00:48:15.679 --> 00:48:18.300
They'll let each other turn each other in for

00:48:18.300 --> 00:48:21.460
getting votes and just be in politics. But when

00:48:21.460 --> 00:48:26.019
it comes to actual prosecution, they have a gentleman's

00:48:26.019 --> 00:48:30.039
agreement. It will not happen. And I've said

00:48:30.039 --> 00:48:33.360
this from day one, haven't I, Rob? Yes, you have.

00:48:33.599 --> 00:48:36.659
We both have. We both have thought this. I think

00:48:36.659 --> 00:48:38.440
I've just verbalized it a little bit more than

00:48:38.440 --> 00:48:41.239
you. But we have both felt this way. They have

00:48:41.239 --> 00:48:43.679
an agreement. They're not going to prosecute

00:48:43.679 --> 00:48:50.079
each other. a show about stuff like this. And

00:48:50.079 --> 00:48:53.900
this is stuff that we try to stay out of, and

00:48:53.900 --> 00:49:00.280
this is why. Because we tell what we see, and

00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:03.900
that's what people, you know, a lot of people

00:49:03.900 --> 00:49:08.420
don't want to hear. But some people do. And I

00:49:08.420 --> 00:49:13.559
wake some people up on what's really going on.

00:49:15.099 --> 00:49:18.099
We need people to listen to our podcasts, right?

00:49:18.239 --> 00:49:21.099
And doing that will make people turn it off,

00:49:21.280 --> 00:49:24.480
unfortunately. So that's the way it is. That's

00:49:24.480 --> 00:49:27.400
why we stay away. That's why we try to stay away

00:49:27.400 --> 00:49:30.760
from it. But every now and then, you have to

00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:34.019
touch on it. We are a fine purveyor of dick jokes.

00:49:35.320 --> 00:49:39.039
Yeah. There you go. All right. And what was that,

00:49:39.039 --> 00:49:44.320
Steve? Bunch of dicks. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Creeps.

00:49:44.989 --> 00:49:47.690
Creeps are the worst kind. Allegedly. Yeah, yeah,

00:49:47.690 --> 00:49:50.750
yeah. Allegedly. Yeah, yeah, yep. All right,

00:49:50.909 --> 00:49:55.650
next one. Rob, paper or cloth napkins? I'm having

00:49:55.650 --> 00:49:58.070
company over and I'm trying to figure out which

00:49:58.070 --> 00:50:00.949
one I should go with. I forgot this one. I don't

00:50:00.949 --> 00:50:02.570
even think I read this one. I don't know why.

00:50:03.349 --> 00:50:07.349
Donald and New Brunswick. It depends on the company.

00:50:08.610 --> 00:50:20.219
If it's just a couple friends, paper. And clean.

00:50:20.460 --> 00:50:25.119
And folded. And clean. Yeah. Bleach. Yeah. Gotta

00:50:25.119 --> 00:50:29.719
be. Hell, my brand new. Yeah. There you go. It's

00:50:29.719 --> 00:50:31.800
your boss. You need to do that. And trust him.

00:50:32.019 --> 00:50:36.380
It depends on who it is. You know. Yep. And then.

00:50:36.579 --> 00:50:41.280
Oh, go ahead. If it's your relatives you don't

00:50:41.280 --> 00:50:48.070
like, hell, give them toilet paper. And find

00:50:48.070 --> 00:50:51.369
China is bullshit. I'm sorry. I told you I'm

00:50:51.369 --> 00:50:55.869
not there tonight. You are. A little feisty there,

00:50:55.969 --> 00:50:58.909
but I like it. A little bit. I'm a little tired.

00:51:00.090 --> 00:51:04.829
Yeah, that happens. That happens. And one more

00:51:04.829 --> 00:51:06.909
email. And like I said, whenever the weather's

00:51:06.909 --> 00:51:09.170
nice, we don't get as many emails. That's just

00:51:09.170 --> 00:51:11.730
a fact. Because people are doing other things.

00:51:12.429 --> 00:51:15.489
Yeah. Whenever we're snowed in, we get like a

00:51:15.489 --> 00:51:18.880
hundred of them. And we only tell like five because

00:51:18.880 --> 00:51:21.460
they're the only five worth telling. No, anyhow.

00:51:22.079 --> 00:51:25.860
All right. Guys, you know, and that's one thing

00:51:25.860 --> 00:51:28.099
I'm proud of. We're never short of emails. We

00:51:28.099 --> 00:51:31.139
always get plenty of them. We always have a full

00:51:31.139 --> 00:51:35.900
segment. Like my friend said, fuck, I can't.

00:51:35.900 --> 00:51:41.420
Okay. My buddy that is in kind of the radio conglomerate

00:51:41.420 --> 00:51:44.849
world. He said you're lucky to get one email

00:51:44.849 --> 00:51:48.409
in four months on a lot of actual radio shows,

00:51:48.469 --> 00:51:51.690
not podcasts. So we do something phenomenal here

00:51:51.690 --> 00:51:54.750
getting people to write in. So thank you guys.

00:51:54.969 --> 00:51:59.449
We have a whole segment for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:00.429 --> 00:52:03.389
Yeah, it's fantastic. And we appreciate it. At

00:52:03.389 --> 00:52:08.210
first I did it just to get them out. Cause I

00:52:08.210 --> 00:52:09.949
was like, all right. I tell people to email all

00:52:09.949 --> 00:52:13.409
the time. Right. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. And

00:52:13.409 --> 00:52:16.329
then all of a sudden I started reading them.

00:52:16.329 --> 00:52:18.550
I'm like, these things are pretty damn good.

00:52:20.730 --> 00:52:24.349
So they're a great segment. So, all right. And

00:52:24.349 --> 00:52:27.210
finally. Guys, how about some Super Bowl predictions?

00:52:27.550 --> 00:52:29.449
Manny and Harrisonville. Well, we didn't get

00:52:29.449 --> 00:52:33.130
to do this last night. So my prediction is Seattle

00:52:33.130 --> 00:52:41.050
by 20. I would have went with Seattle, too. I'm

00:52:41.050 --> 00:52:43.050
not sure. I'll have to listen to the sports bastards

00:52:43.050 --> 00:52:46.030
again. See, here's the thing. See, I've got to

00:52:46.030 --> 00:52:48.429
go into this. I have to go into this. Go ahead.

00:52:48.469 --> 00:52:51.349
For my cousin. Go ahead. You'll understand why

00:52:51.349 --> 00:53:11.769
I have to. I promised I would. Okay. Last night,

00:53:12.090 --> 00:53:16.289
well, we didn't get him home until after the

00:53:16.289 --> 00:53:19.489
Super Bowl started. Like I said, I ain't watched

00:53:19.489 --> 00:53:23.889
the NFL all year. I watched one quarter of a

00:53:23.889 --> 00:53:52.980
Chiefs game. That was it. Well... And my cousin

00:53:52.980 --> 00:53:56.300
picked up the remote just as Bad Bunny was going

00:53:56.300 --> 00:54:01.840
to come on. I literally had to beg him to leave

00:54:01.840 --> 00:54:42.610
the TV on. I did. Yeah. Okay. There were some

00:54:42.610 --> 00:54:46.050
good commercials, though. No, it was all in Spanish.

00:54:46.190 --> 00:54:58.840
It was all in Spanish. Oh, yeah. Excellent. There

00:54:58.840 --> 00:55:06.059
you go. Awesome. That's the highlight of my NFL

00:55:06.059 --> 00:55:10.139
this year, the bad buddy. The commercial that

00:55:10.139 --> 00:55:13.980
was the best, I think, was the meh with Jason

00:55:13.980 --> 00:55:16.820
Kelsey and his wife. I didn't watch none of that.

00:55:16.980 --> 00:55:19.559
Just look it up. That was about it. Then we turned

00:55:19.559 --> 00:55:22.400
around and came back home. But there were quite

00:55:22.400 --> 00:55:24.380
a few pretty good commercials. I was impressed

00:55:24.380 --> 00:55:26.599
with some of them. I'm like, okay. They were

00:55:26.599 --> 00:55:28.800
better than the years previous because they used

00:55:28.800 --> 00:55:31.019
to be really good, and then they started getting

00:55:31.019 --> 00:55:33.619
weird. And I think it's like the way they advertise

00:55:33.619 --> 00:55:38.119
to people, and a lot of them didn't make a lot

00:55:38.119 --> 00:55:39.880
of sense. Now they're going back to being funny

00:55:39.880 --> 00:55:43.699
and catchy. So I like that. Most of them. Some

00:55:43.699 --> 00:55:46.820
of them weren't, but yeah. So, all right, Rob,

00:55:46.960 --> 00:55:49.400
let's turn this to you. I know you don't have

00:55:49.400 --> 00:55:51.480
a bag of garbage tonight, but that's okay. You're

00:55:51.480 --> 00:55:58.980
not required to. Yep, yep. It started stinking.

00:55:59.099 --> 00:56:01.840
I got to get a new bed. Oh, my God. Drawn flies.

00:56:01.960 --> 00:56:05.800
Right. It's a 75 -degree day today is drawn flies,

00:56:05.880 --> 00:56:09.679
right? Yeah. Oh, my God. It was horrible. Yeah.

00:56:09.739 --> 00:56:11.960
So I'm going to go ahead and tell another story.

00:56:12.280 --> 00:56:29.610
There we go. Oh, he didn't die? No, he did. Oh,

00:56:29.610 --> 00:56:32.909
okay. Okay, when you said attempt, I took it

00:56:32.909 --> 00:56:35.429
wrong. I was like, okay, he attempted it. Well,

00:56:35.650 --> 00:56:40.409
yeah, well, it starts out in an attempt. No,

00:56:40.409 --> 00:56:42.489
no, you can say it like that. I just took it

00:56:42.489 --> 00:56:48.090
wrong. So, anyhow. The worker who has not been

00:56:48.090 --> 00:57:07.500
identified... It's a tragic incident. I pulled

00:57:07.500 --> 00:57:12.260
it. I bet. I bet they did. I would have said,

00:57:12.260 --> 00:57:15.139
wrap up my lasagna immediately. I'm out of here,

00:57:15.179 --> 00:57:21.239
and I'm not fucking paying. Oh, man. Okay. Officers

00:57:21.239 --> 00:57:24.760
were called to the restaurant shortly after 4

00:57:24.760 --> 00:57:30.000
p .m. last Friday. So 4 p .m. on a Friday, you

00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:37.070
got your dinner rush. Mm -hmm. I don't know what

00:57:37.070 --> 00:57:39.849
I, what would you do, Rob? What would you do?

00:57:40.369 --> 00:57:42.550
Would you take, would you take photos? I think

00:57:42.550 --> 00:57:46.750
I would take photos. Listen, the guy jumped in

00:57:46.750 --> 00:57:48.570
a deep fat fryer and that's it for him, right?

00:57:48.929 --> 00:57:56.369
Nothing to do there. Take photos. Oh, wow. Well,

00:57:56.449 --> 00:58:00.530
other people had other ideas. Oh, go ahead. Go

00:58:00.530 --> 00:58:37.800
ahead. I mean, after that, wouldn't you, I mean,

00:58:37.840 --> 00:58:40.099
he just, I'm sorry, there's no getting around

00:58:40.099 --> 00:58:42.719
that. He might as well die. He would be miserable

00:58:42.719 --> 00:58:48.460
the rest of his life. Yeah, well, here's the

00:58:48.460 --> 00:59:11.469
bullshit part of it. Okay. So she got burned

00:59:11.469 --> 00:59:15.409
up good too. Yeah, she got burned by the grease

00:59:15.409 --> 00:59:19.969
too. Okay, I didn't know that part. Yeah, both

00:59:19.969 --> 00:59:24.230
Olive Garden and a spokesman for the Pennsylvania

00:59:24.230 --> 00:59:28.250
State Police said the incident was a suicide

00:59:28.250 --> 00:59:33.449
attempt. Wow. Out of respect for the individual

00:59:33.449 --> 00:59:36.829
and their family, we do not release information.

00:59:37.650 --> 00:59:45.519
The restaurant... there you go you can get your

00:59:45.519 --> 00:59:50.099
breadsticks hell yeah and the breadsticks are

00:59:50.099 --> 00:59:53.519
not deep fat fried because i'm betting you anything

00:59:53.519 --> 00:59:56.579
they did not they did not change out that fryer

00:59:56.579 --> 01:00:05.179
dude well i almost yeah they they had to no it's

01:00:05.179 --> 01:00:07.860
it's evidence number one it would be yeah but

01:00:07.860 --> 01:00:17.059
number two Yeah, probably. Get a new replacement.

01:00:17.440 --> 01:00:22.559
I'm pretty sure they did. Thank you, Rob. That

01:00:22.559 --> 01:00:26.260
was crazy. All right, do you want to take our

01:00:26.260 --> 01:00:28.179
second break and come back with a couple more

01:00:28.179 --> 01:00:32.760
stories? I think I have a Jeffy X list that I

01:00:32.760 --> 01:00:36.380
tried to get to last time but didn't. Yeah, yeah,

01:00:36.400 --> 01:00:39.480
you did. Yeah, sounds good. Okay, let me look

01:00:39.480 --> 01:00:41.260
it up. It's somewhere around here. All right,

01:00:41.280 --> 01:00:51.079
we will be right back. A constant pursuit for

01:00:51.079 --> 01:00:54.460
a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from

01:00:54.460 --> 01:00:59.099
an alien. Real hilarity. If you were a spice,

01:00:59.400 --> 01:01:04.900
you would be flour. People often ask, how do

01:01:04.900 --> 01:01:08.079
we cram so much funny into one little show? Well,

01:01:08.079 --> 01:01:11.260
it's simple. We buy funny in bulk on the internet.

01:01:11.940 --> 01:01:14.719
Hey Mark, you're wanted at the front door. There's

01:01:14.719 --> 01:01:16.840
a big bag of funny they need you to sign for.

01:01:17.909 --> 01:01:20.130
Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be right there. I'm

01:01:20.130 --> 01:01:22.090
still sorting out the funny we got from yesterday.

01:01:22.750 --> 01:01:25.250
There's your answer. We buy funny in bulk on

01:01:25.250 --> 01:01:28.409
the internet. So you want proof that we love

01:01:28.409 --> 01:01:30.449
you here at QD Spades and Microfilm Central?

01:01:31.190 --> 01:01:33.530
Here's a proof right here. How about the drink

01:01:33.530 --> 01:01:37.530
of the week? Hey, my little bacon bits. Do you

01:01:37.530 --> 01:01:39.969
need to get to Smashville pronto? Did your friends

01:01:39.969 --> 01:01:43.289
start without you? We have your solution. Adios,

01:01:43.289 --> 01:01:46.989
motherfuckers. Adios, motherfuckers is one stiff

01:01:46.989 --> 01:01:50.869
drink. It should be used with caution. One half

01:01:50.869 --> 01:01:53.349
ounce of vodka, one half ounce of rum, one half

01:01:53.349 --> 01:01:56.070
ounce of tequila, one half ounce of gin, one

01:01:56.070 --> 01:01:58.610
half ounce of blue curacao, two ounces of sweet

01:01:58.610 --> 01:02:02.110
and sour mix, Sprite or 7 -Up. Use a lemon wedge

01:02:02.110 --> 01:02:05.610
as a garnish and put in a highball glass. Bam.

01:02:06.170 --> 01:02:10.309
There you go. Oh, hey, look at the time. It's

01:02:10.309 --> 01:02:13.030
time for the crazy ass word of the day. Cito,

01:02:13.030 --> 01:02:17.630
cito, hypoperifiorgism. Hey, if you're a fan

01:02:17.630 --> 01:02:19.469
of paying way too much for trinkets and food,

01:02:19.630 --> 01:02:22.650
well, your wish is coming true. Kansas City International

01:02:22.650 --> 01:02:25.289
Airport Guest Pass program is starting today.

01:02:25.730 --> 01:02:28.929
Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets

01:02:28.929 --> 01:02:32.409
and $15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50

01:02:32.409 --> 01:02:35.170
cheap t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building

01:02:35.170 --> 01:02:38.510
image on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue

01:02:38.510 --> 01:02:41.449
sauce gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40

01:02:41.449 --> 01:02:44.260
and you're first born. Hurry, you know rubes

01:02:44.260 --> 01:02:46.400
are jumping all over to get to this complete

01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:51.719
ripoff. Because people are sheen. Oh man, what

01:02:51.719 --> 01:02:55.760
the fuck is this? Is this a new feature? What's

01:02:55.760 --> 01:03:01.380
inside Mark's head? Sounds stupid to me. If you

01:03:01.380 --> 01:03:04.559
took my first name backwards, it would read as

01:03:04.559 --> 01:03:10.460
cram. Hey peeps, it's time for the police blotter.

01:03:11.019 --> 01:03:14.039
That's right, stories about stupid criminals

01:03:14.039 --> 01:03:18.360
and the dumbassness that ensued. Let us begin

01:03:18.360 --> 01:03:23.860
now. A Florida man stole 7 ,000 in scratch -off

01:03:23.860 --> 01:03:26.579
tickets, then returned to the store to redeem

01:03:26.579 --> 01:03:30.360
them just hours later. A Florida man was hit

01:03:30.360 --> 01:03:33.159
with federal charges this week after he allegedly

01:03:33.159 --> 01:03:36.559
stole 7 ,000 in scratch -off lottery tickets

01:03:36.559 --> 01:03:40.250
from the convenience store. Justin Farley, 43,

01:03:40.690 --> 01:03:44.329
pulled into a St. Petersburg Circle K store on

01:03:44.329 --> 01:03:47.989
May 5th. He ran behind the counter, reached in

01:03:47.989 --> 01:03:50.130
the ticket window to grab the tickets before

01:03:50.130 --> 01:03:54.349
fleeing the scene in his gray Hyundai Elantra,

01:03:54.409 --> 01:03:58.849
according to a probable cause affidavit. Roughly

01:03:58.849 --> 01:04:01.590
40 minutes later, Farley arrived at the Circle

01:04:01.590 --> 01:04:05.380
K store. He stole the tickets from, only to be

01:04:05.380 --> 01:04:09.159
refused. He then went to a close by 7 -Eleven

01:04:09.159 --> 01:04:12.260
to try to redeem the stretched yoffs and was

01:04:12.260 --> 01:04:15.480
refused as well. He went back to the Circle K

01:04:15.480 --> 01:04:18.880
store and robbed them of $120 from the till.

01:04:19.280 --> 01:04:22.159
He was promptly arrested minutes later and is

01:04:22.159 --> 01:04:37.340
in a cage awaiting trial. I can't take my dog

01:04:37.340 --> 01:04:42.360
to the lake. The ducks keep attacking him. That's

01:04:42.360 --> 01:05:05.260
what I get for having a purebred dog. Two douchebags

01:05:05.260 --> 01:05:07.980
and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas

01:05:07.980 --> 01:05:17.539
City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I

01:05:17.539 --> 01:05:21.739
am Rob. In Wheatland, Missouri. Population at

01:05:21.739 --> 01:05:26.920
371. Home to the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway

01:05:26.920 --> 01:05:30.860
and Water Track. And also home of Hit The Most

01:05:30.860 --> 01:05:33.679
Country Store where you can find all your needs.

01:05:34.250 --> 01:05:38.590
including a selfie with the green sinker dinosaur

01:05:38.590 --> 01:05:43.809
in the Doug Bland studio. Hey, I think I got

01:05:43.809 --> 01:05:46.650
it right. You did. Perfect. Sounded good to me.

01:05:47.130 --> 01:05:51.650
All right. I have a story that's going to lead

01:05:51.650 --> 01:05:56.730
into a Jeffy X list. Do you know what an analog

01:05:56.730 --> 01:06:03.869
bag is, Rob? No. Okay. Well, Gen Z's call this

01:06:03.869 --> 01:06:07.349
a toy box for your attention span. There's a

01:06:07.349 --> 01:06:10.030
new It bag, but it doesn't come with a popular

01:06:10.030 --> 01:06:14.110
label, dubbed analog bags. Gen Z is buying canvas

01:06:14.110 --> 01:06:16.690
totes and filling them with items to help them

01:06:16.690 --> 01:06:19.630
reduce their screen time. So, they don't want

01:06:19.630 --> 01:06:22.110
to be on the internet so much. Isn't that refreshing?

01:06:24.849 --> 01:06:27.949
Cool. Yeah. So, they're packing these bags for

01:06:27.949 --> 01:06:31.880
other things to do. The term was coined by content

01:06:31.880 --> 01:06:34.800
creator, Sierra Campbell, who shared a video

01:06:34.800 --> 01:06:37.619
about the analog bag saying, my biggest fear

01:06:37.619 --> 01:06:41.079
is that I'll lie on my deathbed and regret how

01:06:41.079 --> 01:06:44.539
much time I spent on my phone. I could see that.

01:06:45.119 --> 01:06:48.900
I spent too much on mine because of this show,

01:06:48.960 --> 01:06:51.219
but you know what? I don't mind it though, because

01:06:51.219 --> 01:06:54.300
it does entertain me and I like doing it. So,

01:06:54.360 --> 01:06:56.300
but I can see how someone can feel like that.

01:06:56.460 --> 01:06:59.880
I basically just put... been watching some reels

01:06:59.880 --> 01:07:03.019
lately too so yeah you know what yeah some of

01:07:03.019 --> 01:07:04.960
those are really really good and then i have

01:07:04.960 --> 01:07:07.159
my favorite people that i watch and stuff like

01:07:07.159 --> 01:07:10.099
you know what i mean so um i basically just put

01:07:10.099 --> 01:07:12.480
everything i could grab instead of my phone into

01:07:12.480 --> 01:07:15.820
a bag she said showing a tote full of crossword

01:07:15.820 --> 01:07:18.639
puzzles knitting needles and a portable watercolor

01:07:18.639 --> 01:07:22.360
set and her planner one person described the

01:07:22.719 --> 01:07:25.260
concept as a toy box for your attention span

01:07:25.260 --> 01:07:29.300
campbell 31 said that the key to lessening screen

01:07:29.300 --> 01:07:33.019
time isn't less technology but rather more analog

01:07:33.019 --> 01:07:36.320
fun the concept has become increasingly popular

01:07:36.320 --> 01:07:38.599
with people ironically using their phones to

01:07:38.599 --> 01:07:43.059
share what's in their analog bags Sometimes referred

01:07:43.059 --> 01:07:46.500
to as the stop -scrolling bags, the tips and

01:07:46.500 --> 01:07:49.360
tricks on what to put in them. Campbell shared

01:07:49.360 --> 01:07:51.380
that she got the idea after reading the book

01:07:51.380 --> 01:07:58.119
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, which explains

01:07:58.119 --> 01:08:02.260
that the best way to stop a bad habit is to replace

01:08:02.260 --> 01:08:05.099
it with something else. The book inspired the

01:08:05.099 --> 01:08:08.000
California -based creator to replace screen time

01:08:08.000 --> 01:08:12.150
with non -digital activities. Yeah, I agree.

01:08:12.329 --> 01:08:15.409
So if you go to your phone for news, put a newspaper

01:08:15.409 --> 01:08:18.069
in your bag, Campbell explained. If it's for

01:08:18.069 --> 01:08:20.909
entertainment, try a good book. For creative

01:08:20.909 --> 01:08:24.430
inspiration, sketching tools, or knitting. It's

01:08:24.430 --> 01:08:26.770
just like physical fitness. Whatever activity

01:08:26.770 --> 01:08:30.890
you'll actually do is the best one to include.

01:08:31.229 --> 01:08:39.739
I guess that's masturbation, right? Maybe. That

01:08:39.739 --> 01:08:43.560
too. How about drunk masturbation? Can we say

01:08:43.560 --> 01:08:50.939
that? Well, that'd be like replacing meth with

01:08:50.939 --> 01:08:58.600
fentanyl. Yeah. One addiction for another. Meth

01:08:58.600 --> 01:09:00.819
or heroin or something like that, yeah. Yeah,

01:09:00.819 --> 01:09:05.359
something. It's one addiction for another. Yeah,

01:09:05.359 --> 01:09:07.619
yeah. You're not beating it. Either way, you're

01:09:07.619 --> 01:09:11.600
fucked. You're not beating it. That's true, Rob.

01:09:11.659 --> 01:09:14.899
Very good point. And trust me, I am somebody

01:09:14.899 --> 01:09:18.060
who knows. I've beat a lot of nations in my life,

01:09:18.119 --> 01:09:21.800
so I know. You have to beat it. You don't replace

01:09:21.800 --> 01:09:28.619
it. Very cool, yep. How about, since we talked

01:09:28.619 --> 01:09:33.100
about those gift bags, or bags, Jeffy X has a

01:09:33.100 --> 01:09:37.920
list of unwanted gift bags. Yes, Jeffy. Jeffy.

01:09:38.559 --> 01:09:46.119
He's our sleuth. Yeah, he's been rather busy

01:09:46.119 --> 01:09:49.239
lately. He goes into corporations and uncovers

01:09:49.239 --> 01:09:52.380
product ideas that didn't work, bad ideas like

01:09:52.380 --> 01:09:54.640
these gift bags, stuff like that. Well, these

01:09:54.640 --> 01:09:57.239
corporations don't want this leaked. They tear

01:09:57.239 --> 01:09:59.939
up the files and they throw them out. Jeffy X

01:09:59.939 --> 01:10:03.300
breaks into these places and gets this information

01:10:03.300 --> 01:10:06.909
that they don't want him to have. Right. He's

01:10:06.909 --> 01:10:09.810
extremely valuable. We love the guy. And he does

01:10:09.810 --> 01:10:14.890
this for only us. But in return, Rob made him

01:10:14.890 --> 01:10:20.449
a flying bat suit, a pair of Jeffy X underwear.

01:10:20.590 --> 01:10:23.510
Rob is an expert embroiderer, in case anyone

01:10:23.510 --> 01:10:25.630
didn't know. But if you listen to this, you know

01:10:25.630 --> 01:10:29.369
this. He can also embroider with his feet, with

01:10:29.369 --> 01:10:32.210
his toes. But he wears a loincloth when doing

01:10:32.210 --> 01:10:36.720
it, so it gets a little drafty, right? club on

01:10:36.720 --> 01:10:39.819
tonight it's so warm up here see there you go

01:10:39.819 --> 01:10:44.739
well yeah so he'll he'll embroider him some underwear

01:10:44.739 --> 01:10:47.560
that says uh jeffy on the back and x on the front

01:10:47.560 --> 01:10:51.340
he loves it and he put in a stephen piercey pouch

01:10:51.340 --> 01:10:55.180
on the inside of it and this was supposedly oh

01:10:55.180 --> 01:10:59.079
go ahead what i just said yes i had to Oh, okay.

01:10:59.199 --> 01:11:03.060
Yeah, this is of the glam band Rat. Allegedly,

01:11:03.060 --> 01:11:06.699
he used to sew a pouch on the inside of his spandex

01:11:06.699 --> 01:11:09.319
to put a couple socks in there and look a little

01:11:09.319 --> 01:11:12.300
bulkier for women and maybe some gay males, right?

01:11:12.739 --> 01:11:17.020
So he made him those, and then he didn't stop

01:11:17.020 --> 01:11:20.500
there. Jeffy X is a huge Beatles fan, so Rob

01:11:20.500 --> 01:11:25.439
made him the white suits that they wore on the

01:11:25.439 --> 01:11:29.149
Sgt. Pepper's album. and he is so in love with

01:11:29.149 --> 01:11:32.729
that. First, Rob bought him one, but he wore

01:11:32.729 --> 01:11:34.170
it all the time and wouldn't take it off. So

01:11:34.170 --> 01:11:36.670
finally, Rob said, here you go. He made him seven

01:11:36.670 --> 01:11:40.069
of them this Christmas, and he wears them. Yep,

01:11:40.350 --> 01:11:42.800
one a week. Yeah, one a day, he'd have the other

01:11:42.800 --> 01:11:44.600
ones dry, cleaned, and then come back and get

01:11:44.600 --> 01:11:47.199
them. So now he can wear a fresh suit every day.

01:11:47.319 --> 01:11:49.479
And he loves that thing, and he constantly looks

01:11:49.479 --> 01:11:53.439
in the mirror. It's crazy. But me, I'm a simple

01:11:53.439 --> 01:11:56.859
guy. I gave him $2 ,500 either to buy his mom

01:11:56.859 --> 01:12:00.000
something nice or spend it on hookers and booze

01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:02.840
and drugs. And I didn't ask which one he did.

01:12:02.939 --> 01:12:06.560
I didn't care. So, all right, Jeffy X, since

01:12:06.560 --> 01:12:10.039
we explained him to you, here we go. This is

01:12:10.039 --> 01:12:15.319
a list of unwanted gift bags that he uncovered.

01:12:16.079 --> 01:12:19.060
The first gift bag that was unwanted is a urine

01:12:19.060 --> 01:12:24.640
sample collection kit. Yeah. You know, unless

01:12:24.640 --> 01:12:28.159
you wanted to throw it at somebody. Yeah. You

01:12:28.159 --> 01:12:31.260
know, like Davey used to do. Yeah, it could be.

01:12:35.800 --> 01:12:39.520
I remember Davey used to put in the mannequin.

01:12:40.180 --> 01:12:42.619
Yeah, you know what? I'm not even going to go

01:12:42.619 --> 01:12:48.100
into that story. All right. Next one would be

01:12:48.100 --> 01:12:53.239
a box of VCR cables. Yeah, but you know what?

01:12:53.279 --> 01:12:56.140
The urine sample would be a great story, right?

01:12:56.220 --> 01:12:57.920
It's like, well, how'd you get piss all over

01:12:57.920 --> 01:13:01.880
you? We're going to have to go with the urine

01:13:01.880 --> 01:13:03.619
sample. Yeah, we're going to have to go with

01:13:03.619 --> 01:13:05.300
it. We're going to think that's cool. That's

01:13:05.300 --> 01:13:07.399
okay. We're good with that. We're down with that.

01:13:07.420 --> 01:13:12.380
That's good. We are. Yes. The VCR cables, they

01:13:12.380 --> 01:13:14.420
could be good. Maybe you could, like, save them

01:13:14.420 --> 01:13:16.500
up for, like, another 30 years or something,

01:13:16.600 --> 01:13:18.739
and then you could sell them because they'd be,

01:13:18.800 --> 01:13:21.140
like, antiques and be like, people used to really

01:13:21.140 --> 01:13:23.699
use these things? You know, that type of thing.

01:13:23.880 --> 01:13:27.960
No. No. Just strip the coating and settle the

01:13:27.960 --> 01:13:31.180
copper. Oh, there you go. You can act like you're

01:13:31.180 --> 01:13:34.109
a meth head and do that. Yeah. Why do meth heads

01:13:34.109 --> 01:13:38.210
do that? I don't know. Because they get money.

01:13:38.750 --> 01:13:42.510
Oh, okay, that's why. They get money. Why don't

01:13:42.510 --> 01:13:45.890
they get a job? Oh, drug test. They get good

01:13:45.890 --> 01:13:48.930
money for jobs. Well, that's how I got that megaphone

01:13:48.930 --> 01:13:51.829
that I use for the show sometimes is I had meth

01:13:51.829 --> 01:13:53.949
heads living next to me in my house in Cleveland,

01:13:54.069 --> 01:13:56.970
Missouri. And I ended up building a privacy fence

01:13:56.970 --> 01:13:59.449
because like on they'd be out there on certain

01:13:59.449 --> 01:14:02.689
nights stripping copper and and they'd be like

01:14:02.689 --> 01:14:04.949
all fucking monkeyed out. You know how they like.

01:14:05.199 --> 01:14:09.220
go around squirreling and shit so um after i

01:14:09.220 --> 01:14:12.020
built my privacy fence i would peek through there

01:14:12.020 --> 01:14:13.960
and see them back there peeling the copper out

01:14:13.960 --> 01:14:18.039
of these um out of these cables and my um My

01:14:18.039 --> 01:14:21.340
police megaphone has a siren on it. I used to

01:14:21.340 --> 01:14:24.060
hit that and they would all stop in their tracks

01:14:24.060 --> 01:14:26.600
and start running. It was so funny. And then

01:14:26.600 --> 01:14:28.920
one time I even got on there and I clicked on

01:14:28.920 --> 01:14:31.100
the megaphone part and said, attention, get out

01:14:31.100 --> 01:14:33.159
of it. I said something like, get out of your

01:14:33.159 --> 01:14:35.100
backyard and get in the front or something. And

01:14:35.100 --> 01:14:37.220
they all ran in the house and hid. It was fucking

01:14:37.220 --> 01:14:41.819
funny. So, all right. The next box after the

01:14:41.819 --> 01:14:46.279
VCR cables is live spiders. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

01:14:46.319 --> 01:14:48.539
that's not good. What do you think, Rob? No,

01:14:48.539 --> 01:14:53.699
no, no, no. No? You like that? No, I do not like

01:14:53.699 --> 01:14:56.680
that. Okay, yeah, yeah. No, nix that. No, no.

01:14:57.899 --> 01:15:01.880
The next one would be Soap on a Rope. I think

01:15:01.880 --> 01:15:03.819
I would agree with that one, Rob. What about

01:15:03.819 --> 01:15:11.819
you? I don't know. Well, you know what? Soap

01:15:11.819 --> 01:15:14.560
on a Rope would be fine at home. Yeah, well...

01:15:15.399 --> 01:15:18.300
Well, you don't have to use them in the shower.

01:15:18.640 --> 01:15:22.159
Yeah, this is true. Okay. You can sit there and

01:15:22.159 --> 01:15:27.180
use them like a slingshot. That's true. Rob,

01:15:28.800 --> 01:15:31.659
you have opened my eyes. You have opened my eyes.

01:15:31.960 --> 01:15:34.960
Soap on a rope we want. We want that. Thank you,

01:15:34.960 --> 01:15:40.359
Rob. It's like a slingshot. How come this smells

01:15:40.359 --> 01:15:48.210
like dial? I don't know. All right. Thank you,

01:15:48.210 --> 01:15:50.510
Rob. That was good. I got ham with some palm

01:15:50.510 --> 01:15:55.329
olive. Fuck. Oh, it smells good, though. Can't

01:15:55.329 --> 01:15:57.949
someone get me some Old Spice? Come on, now.

01:15:58.170 --> 01:16:00.869
I'm tired of Irish Spring. Get me some Old Spice.

01:16:01.550 --> 01:16:07.029
All right. It only comes in liquid now. Oh, yeah,

01:16:07.050 --> 01:16:10.989
that's right. That'd be kind of hard. Yeah, that

01:16:10.989 --> 01:16:14.210
wouldn't be very easy to do. Alright, and the

01:16:14.210 --> 01:16:17.829
next gift bag that was unwanted was fentanyl

01:16:17.829 --> 01:16:23.609
powder. Nah, I think they got a point. I think

01:16:23.609 --> 01:16:26.770
they got a point. Yeah, no fentanyl. Nope, nope.

01:16:27.609 --> 01:16:32.109
Oh, this next one I agree with 100%. How about

01:16:32.109 --> 01:16:36.909
a gift bag of Oasis Greatest Hits box set? Yes,

01:16:36.909 --> 01:16:43.779
that thing needs to be trashed. The only thing

01:16:43.779 --> 01:16:48.579
worse would be a Hanson one, right? Pretty close,

01:16:48.859 --> 01:16:52.699
yeah. Nothing would beat Hanson. No, no, Oasis

01:16:52.699 --> 01:16:55.520
is right next door. Yeah, it's right next door

01:16:55.520 --> 01:16:58.899
to hell. Oh, did you read about the Three Doors

01:16:58.899 --> 01:17:01.960
Down lead singer? Yes, I did. Yeah, that's right.

01:17:02.500 --> 01:17:06.619
I got to do a music news on that. Or, I mean,

01:17:06.640 --> 01:17:12.550
I think Phineas J. Voltaire as the third. is

01:17:12.550 --> 01:17:16.609
actually doing one so on that well i i figured

01:17:16.609 --> 01:17:19.189
you would judge on that that's why i let that

01:17:19.189 --> 01:17:22.210
one i i got a hold of phineas and he said he

01:17:22.210 --> 01:17:25.369
would do it that is sad yeah he developed cancer

01:17:25.369 --> 01:17:27.670
and it just took him out really quick i think

01:17:27.670 --> 01:17:31.409
it was like 48 years old yeah sucks good guy

01:17:31.409 --> 01:17:34.029
too i've seen him open up for creed and just

01:17:34.029 --> 01:17:38.930
really good guy so all right um the next is a

01:17:38.930 --> 01:17:46.699
box of used syringes Yeah, yeah, yeah. Using

01:17:46.699 --> 01:17:49.060
syringes are not very fun, I'm pretty sure. What

01:17:49.060 --> 01:17:53.859
do you think, Rob? No, no, no. You might be able

01:17:53.859 --> 01:17:56.420
to place pickup sticks with them or something.

01:17:56.840 --> 01:18:00.260
You know, you know what? Yeah, or you could threaten

01:18:00.260 --> 01:18:05.399
people with them. Pickup sticks for adults. There

01:18:05.399 --> 01:18:10.539
we go. How about a slinky made of razor blades?

01:18:13.569 --> 01:18:15.449
Now, if you gave that to someone... That would

01:18:15.449 --> 01:18:19.310
be fun. That would be fun. Mommy, mommy, get

01:18:19.310 --> 01:18:24.930
my fingers off. That would be awesome. Okay,

01:18:25.470 --> 01:18:30.250
Rob, this next one. Jeffy X. I don't think he

01:18:30.250 --> 01:18:32.489
did this. I think someone snuck in here and put

01:18:32.489 --> 01:18:35.430
this one in here. Two douchebags and a microphone

01:18:35.430 --> 01:18:43.270
autographed poster. Rob? That kind of hurts.

01:18:43.750 --> 01:18:47.890
We spent a lot of money getting those paid. Yeah,

01:18:47.890 --> 01:18:49.869
we did. I mean, I don't know why people don't...

01:18:49.869 --> 01:18:53.029
I think that this is wrong. I think someone snuck

01:18:53.029 --> 01:18:56.350
in there and commandeered the list and made it.

01:18:56.369 --> 01:18:58.810
We know Jeffy X didn't do that. Yeah, because

01:18:58.810 --> 01:19:01.270
he would not have put that on. No, no, no. He

01:19:01.270 --> 01:19:03.050
would not have let that through. No, we love

01:19:03.050 --> 01:19:06.829
Jeffy, and Jeffy loves us. And then finally,

01:19:06.970 --> 01:19:11.779
how about a gift box of bloody Kleenexes? Yeah,

01:19:11.800 --> 01:19:14.140
I think I can go along with that one too. Yeah.

01:19:14.300 --> 01:19:18.479
Yeah, I agree. So that is the Jeffy X list. So

01:19:18.479 --> 01:19:21.859
now, Rob, we turn to you for the next bit of

01:19:21.859 --> 01:19:31.199
whatever you got. All right. Hulk Hogan won't

01:19:31.199 --> 01:19:34.739
be as heavily featured on the real American beer

01:19:34.739 --> 01:19:42.750
products moving forward. Yes, I did, but I actually

01:19:42.750 --> 01:19:45.270
heard it on Bubba the Love Sponge's show, because

01:19:45.270 --> 01:19:48.329
I still listen to that. But go ahead and go into

01:19:48.329 --> 01:19:50.189
it, please. Not everybody knows. Okay, okay.

01:19:51.949 --> 01:19:55.010
The Upshark beer brand announced it recently

01:19:55.010 --> 01:19:58.329
reached a new milestone, sharing that it has

01:19:58.329 --> 01:20:03.170
sold its one, ten, yeah, not one, ten millionth

01:20:03.170 --> 01:20:15.460
can of real American beer. To celebrate the reaching

01:20:15.460 --> 01:20:19.899
the milestone, Real American Beer and Nasty will

01:20:19.899 --> 01:20:58.840
undergo a And I'm looking at a picture of it.

01:20:59.500 --> 01:21:04.460
Uh -huh. Truth be told, it looks like a Natty

01:21:04.460 --> 01:21:09.140
Light can to me. Yes, I looked at it. That's

01:21:09.140 --> 01:21:12.220
the first thing I thought, dude. Yes, I agree.

01:21:12.479 --> 01:21:14.579
Natty Light. Yep, Natty Light. Natty Light is

01:21:14.579 --> 01:21:22.729
in the blue. Yeah, anyway. Yeah. I think they're

01:21:22.729 --> 01:21:25.630
trying to kind of make it like a popular beer.

01:21:26.369 --> 01:21:27.989
You know, they're trying to make it look like

01:21:27.989 --> 01:21:30.850
it. And I'll give you an example. Like Garage

01:21:30.850 --> 01:21:33.750
Beer by the Kelsey Brothers, you know, Travis

01:21:33.750 --> 01:21:36.569
and Jason. It doesn't have anything about them

01:21:36.569 --> 01:21:40.029
on it at all. It just says Garage Beer. You see,

01:21:40.090 --> 01:21:43.170
and it sounds like crazy. Actually, it looks

01:21:43.170 --> 01:21:46.489
like, and you will remember this, and some of

01:21:46.489 --> 01:21:49.170
our listeners will remember this. Back in the

01:21:49.170 --> 01:21:54.779
day, we had this thing. Yes, black and white.

01:21:54.880 --> 01:21:57.880
Do you remember the generic beer? Yeah, it was.

01:21:58.260 --> 01:22:01.579
That's what the garage beer cans looked like.

01:22:01.760 --> 01:22:04.500
And I see why they did that. Yeah. That's pretty

01:22:04.500 --> 01:22:07.060
cool. It's like the generic, it was a white can

01:22:07.060 --> 01:22:11.619
with a black type, like just regular type that

01:22:11.619 --> 01:22:15.979
said beer. And it just said beer on it. And it

01:22:15.979 --> 01:22:18.800
actually sold really good for many years. Yeah.

01:22:23.050 --> 01:22:25.390
Yeah, I knew a lot of people drank it. On occasion,

01:22:25.529 --> 01:22:29.029
you know. Well, it was made by Budweiser, you

01:22:29.029 --> 01:22:31.010
know, Anheuser -Busch, and some of it was made

01:22:31.010 --> 01:22:33.069
by Miller. It depended on what kind you got.

01:22:33.729 --> 01:22:36.770
And yeah, it was made by the regular beers. And

01:22:36.770 --> 01:22:41.069
really, I didn't, I had some of it, but I wasn't

01:22:41.069 --> 01:22:43.430
much of a beer drinker back then. And to me,

01:22:43.449 --> 01:22:46.789
it just tasted like a regular Pilsner or a light

01:22:46.789 --> 01:22:49.310
beer, something like that. It wasn't anything

01:22:49.310 --> 01:22:58.890
fancy. Everybody was doing that. My parents didn't

01:22:58.890 --> 01:23:03.989
drink, but my neighbor's... I did. Well, Dad

01:23:03.989 --> 01:23:07.069
did. Well, yeah, my neighbor's dad did, too.

01:23:07.229 --> 01:23:13.340
And he went from the generic beer to Pabst. And

01:23:13.340 --> 01:23:15.880
Pabst was actually good. And it's still, it's

01:23:15.880 --> 01:23:17.779
not as good as it used to be. It was sold to

01:23:17.779 --> 01:23:21.380
a brewery, I think a South African brewery. And

01:23:21.380 --> 01:23:23.779
they changed the formula or put cheaper ingredients

01:23:23.779 --> 01:23:26.460
in, in my opinion. I don't like it as well. But

01:23:26.460 --> 01:23:30.399
when Pabst rebranded, they did something really

01:23:30.399 --> 01:23:33.819
cool. And they did something called Gorilla Marketing.

01:23:34.420 --> 01:23:36.680
And I was down at Buzzard Beach with a friend

01:23:36.680 --> 01:23:40.300
of mine. And these hot chicks come in with a...

01:23:40.510 --> 01:23:44.369
like Daisy Dukes and cowboy boots and tank tops

01:23:44.369 --> 01:23:48.729
that said Pabst and hats and caps that said Pabst.

01:23:48.770 --> 01:23:51.630
And they started throwing swag to everybody and

01:23:51.630 --> 01:23:54.670
buying the whole bar around a Pabst. And this

01:23:54.670 --> 01:23:57.680
is before it came back. This is when nobody remembered

01:23:57.680 --> 01:24:00.159
it. Only a few people. Oh, my grandpa used to

01:24:00.159 --> 01:24:02.479
drink that beer. And it made a serious comeback

01:24:02.479 --> 01:24:05.720
about 2000. And it went from nothing to like

01:24:05.720 --> 01:24:09.140
a distant fourth place after the big three Miller

01:24:09.140 --> 01:24:14.199
Coors and Anheuser. And so. They did it with

01:24:14.199 --> 01:24:16.239
guerrilla marketing, hardly any money at all.

01:24:16.319 --> 01:24:19.579
And everyone started drinking Pabst. Well, first

01:24:19.579 --> 01:24:21.819
thing they did was they installed a Pabst tap.

01:24:22.060 --> 01:24:24.619
So you get in draft. Then they started selling

01:24:24.619 --> 01:24:27.869
it for a buck. a buck a draw. And then they started

01:24:27.869 --> 01:24:29.850
having hot chicks came in. A buddy of mine's

01:24:29.850 --> 01:24:32.489
got a Pabst belt buckle, real high quality metal

01:24:32.489 --> 01:24:36.850
one, huge one that he got from for free. I got

01:24:36.850 --> 01:24:39.630
like three or four Pabst shirts and I got a cowboy

01:24:39.630 --> 01:24:42.350
hat that said Pabst on it. I still have it. I

01:24:42.350 --> 01:24:43.970
got to find it. I'm going to put it in the studio

01:24:43.970 --> 01:24:46.789
here. Um, but they did it with gorilla marketing.

01:24:46.890 --> 01:24:49.750
And anyhow, uh, what were we talking about? Garage

01:24:49.750 --> 01:24:52.430
beer and Oh, real American. I'm sorry. Let's

01:24:52.430 --> 01:24:55.880
go back to that. Yeah. Yeah. Real. Yeah. I have

01:24:55.880 --> 01:24:59.220
a little more hair. Yeah, I realized that after

01:24:59.220 --> 01:25:04.079
I went off on my Pabst story. Hey, hey, that's

01:25:04.079 --> 01:25:07.539
what we do. We talk. No, it's cool because it

01:25:07.539 --> 01:25:11.060
was really neat because one of the hottest chicks

01:25:11.060 --> 01:25:14.239
there had a whistle. And she walked in the door

01:25:14.239 --> 01:25:16.460
with like four other ones. And she blew that

01:25:16.460 --> 01:25:18.600
whistle so everyone would look at her. And they

01:25:18.600 --> 01:25:20.399
started throwing Pabst posters at everybody.

01:25:20.680 --> 01:25:23.829
They had it coordinated perfectly. And pretty

01:25:23.829 --> 01:25:27.149
soon, everybody in Buzzer Beach drank Pabst.

01:25:27.550 --> 01:25:31.149
It was crazy. And then I started pissing people

01:25:31.149 --> 01:25:33.970
off because I did a fully dressed Pabst, which

01:25:33.970 --> 01:25:36.529
had like the little umbrella and the lime and

01:25:36.529 --> 01:25:41.729
the maraschino cherry. And I used to put it in

01:25:41.729 --> 01:25:44.149
a Pabst bottle and people come up and go, what

01:25:44.149 --> 01:25:46.010
the fuck are you doing? I'm like, this is a fully

01:25:46.010 --> 01:25:48.489
dressed Pabst. And I'm like, well, what's that?

01:25:48.630 --> 01:25:53.159
Oh, that's a naked Pabst. We had them going.

01:25:53.600 --> 01:25:56.039
And the other thing we used to do is whenever

01:25:56.039 --> 01:25:59.119
chicks would come up to us in Buzzer Beach, our

01:25:59.119 --> 01:26:01.659
friend bartender Mark, he'd been there forever.

01:26:01.779 --> 01:26:04.859
I think he's still there. But anyhow, whenever

01:26:04.859 --> 01:26:06.899
they'd ask us to buy them a shot, we'd go, okay,

01:26:07.000 --> 01:26:08.880
it's got to be the one we give you. So I had

01:26:08.880 --> 01:26:11.510
this thing called Pap Smear on the Beach. that

01:26:11.510 --> 01:26:14.050
I named it that. And there's one called an anal

01:26:14.050 --> 01:26:17.229
probe that my friend Mac named. And the one that

01:26:17.229 --> 01:26:22.810
Mac had, had like old crow, wild turkey, all

01:26:22.810 --> 01:26:26.210
this disgusting stuff, Jaeger, all mixed together

01:26:26.210 --> 01:26:29.489
in a shot. And I took the most disgusting stuff

01:26:29.489 --> 01:26:32.670
I could and mix it together and made them take

01:26:32.670 --> 01:26:35.409
that shot. They never bothered you again. One

01:26:35.409 --> 01:26:37.829
chick almost hit Mac in the face. She was so

01:26:37.829 --> 01:26:41.420
mad after he gave her an anal probe. She made

01:26:41.420 --> 01:26:47.479
a fist and reared back, and then she stopped

01:26:47.479 --> 01:26:51.640
herself. Anyhow, Rob, let's go back to this.

01:26:51.680 --> 01:26:56.159
I'm sorry. I got stories. Yeah, because you're

01:26:56.159 --> 01:26:59.340
taking me into some stories I can bring up about

01:26:59.340 --> 01:27:02.420
drinking in the bar. You can all you want. This

01:27:02.420 --> 01:27:05.800
is a free fall podcast. Hey, hey, hey, this is

01:27:05.800 --> 01:27:09.100
a beer story. Why not? Yeah, go ahead. Let's

01:27:09.100 --> 01:27:28.739
hear it. 50 golden tickets will be randomly placed

01:27:28.739 --> 01:27:32.699
inside 12 packs of Real American Beer nationwide.

01:27:35.119 --> 01:27:41.560
So they have 50 12 -packs. The lucky people who

01:27:41.560 --> 01:27:44.619
find a golden ticket will receive a Real American

01:27:44.619 --> 01:27:50.279
Beer 12 -pack autographed by Hogan. That's a

01:27:50.279 --> 01:27:52.300
great idea. That's going to bring attention to

01:27:52.300 --> 01:28:03.569
the brand. You see, Hulk Hogan was going around

01:28:03.569 --> 01:28:06.310
on a Walmart tour. Did you know that? Yeah, he

01:28:06.310 --> 01:28:10.729
was. Yeah. Yeah. No, he was in, he was at Lake

01:28:10.729 --> 01:28:16.729
of the Ozarks. He was at Frankie and Louie's,

01:28:16.729 --> 01:28:18.789
I think. Oh, was he doing the Great American

01:28:18.789 --> 01:28:43.659
Beer thing? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, like a beer,

01:28:43.699 --> 01:28:47.439
wine store, alcohol store. And it's right on

01:28:47.439 --> 01:28:51.340
KK. Coming into Osage Beach. Oh, okay. Yeah,

01:28:51.399 --> 01:28:54.199
I know where that's at. Okay. Snickerdoodles?

01:28:54.960 --> 01:28:56.960
Snickerdoodles? That sounds... Something like

01:28:56.960 --> 01:29:02.319
that. Scooter, Scooter Do... No. Something like

01:29:02.319 --> 01:29:07.560
that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, he might have stopped

01:29:07.560 --> 01:29:11.460
there, too. Okay. All right. I believe it. He

01:29:11.460 --> 01:29:14.720
made a lot of stops. And allegedly that might

01:29:14.720 --> 01:29:17.539
have led to his earlier death because they worked

01:29:17.539 --> 01:29:19.319
him so hard. I don't know if that's true or not,

01:29:19.399 --> 01:29:22.739
but... Well, he was also a Lake of the Ozarks.

01:29:23.180 --> 01:29:25.619
You never know. Well, he used to party there,

01:29:25.699 --> 01:29:28.000
too. I mean, Harley Race, that was his area.

01:29:28.180 --> 01:29:31.140
Yeah. Him and Harley Race used to be soon hung

01:29:31.140 --> 01:29:35.000
out. Yeah, Harley Race had the wrestling school

01:29:35.000 --> 01:29:59.229
up in Elvin. Yes. Yep. I know. Wow. Ted DiBiase

01:29:59.229 --> 01:30:05.029
Jr. Wow. He worked with him. Yeah, you know,

01:30:05.029 --> 01:30:10.170
Hulk Hogan almost killed Harley Race accidentally.

01:30:10.770 --> 01:30:13.609
He threw him over the top rope into a chair.

01:30:14.029 --> 01:30:17.369
He did it slightly wrong. It hurt Harley really

01:30:17.369 --> 01:30:19.630
bad, but he got up and, you know, and he finished

01:30:19.630 --> 01:30:22.649
the match. He was headed home and his spleen

01:30:22.649 --> 01:30:25.680
and something else exploded. And it almost killed

01:30:25.680 --> 01:30:28.399
him. They barely saved his life. And that's because

01:30:28.399 --> 01:30:32.140
Hulk did it just so... I mean, that's the thing

01:30:32.140 --> 01:30:34.260
about that sport is people don't really realize.

01:30:34.579 --> 01:30:37.180
I mean, look at Owen Hart. No, was it Owen Hart?

01:30:37.260 --> 01:30:40.579
Yeah. Yeah, Owen Hart, dying. Yeah, he's the

01:30:40.579 --> 01:30:44.640
one that... Kemperina, yes, from the rafters

01:30:44.640 --> 01:30:46.039
because he did that thing where he flew through

01:30:46.039 --> 01:30:51.000
the air on a rope. And then, you know, who was

01:30:51.000 --> 01:30:53.539
it? One of the Von Eriks died in Japan falling

01:30:53.539 --> 01:30:55.220
off the top rope on his head. About the same

01:30:55.220 --> 01:30:59.920
time Sting was doing it, too. Because me and

01:30:59.920 --> 01:31:03.739
a couple of buddies were at the very last Monday

01:31:03.739 --> 01:31:15.989
Night Nitro in Kansas City. And Sting... He started

01:31:15.989 --> 01:31:19.670
doing that and then the Owen Hart thing happened.

01:31:21.310 --> 01:31:26.750
So Sting kind of shut that down. Coming down

01:31:26.750 --> 01:31:29.609
from the Raptors. You know what? I don't blame

01:31:29.609 --> 01:31:34.529
him. That was a very dangerous stunt. The company

01:31:34.529 --> 01:31:42.960
made it that way, you know. Okay. All right,

01:31:43.039 --> 01:31:46.579
it is 923. Rob, do you need to go to bed here

01:31:46.579 --> 01:31:50.560
soon? I'm off tomorrow. Yes, I do. I still need

01:31:50.560 --> 01:31:53.760
to go downstairs because Princess has my dinner

01:31:53.760 --> 01:31:56.119
waiting on me. All right, well, do you want to

01:31:56.119 --> 01:31:59.359
go ahead and say goodbye to everybody then? Yes,

01:31:59.560 --> 01:32:02.319
let's say goodbye. All right, everybody, thank

01:32:02.319 --> 01:32:04.880
you for listening. Yeah, for now, we'll be back

01:32:04.880 --> 01:32:08.020
Wednesday night, and you'll probably get it Thursday

01:32:08.020 --> 01:32:12.119
morning, my prediction. Anyhow, thank you everybody

01:32:12.119 --> 01:32:16.159
for listening. Good night, assholes. Thank you,

01:32:16.159 --> 01:32:21.279
everybody. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks

01:32:21.279 --> 01:32:24.100
like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive

01:32:24.100 --> 01:32:27.779
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear

01:32:27.779 --> 01:32:30.199
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your

01:32:30.199 --> 01:32:30.960
ear holes soon.