WEBVTT

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Well, well, well. We see you made it back. That's

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right. It's time for your favorite podcast, Two

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Douchebags and Microphone, live from the historic

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river market in downtown Kansas City, Missouri.

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But only on Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.

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Otherwise, you get live from the Duck Wine Studio

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in Wheatland, Missouri, and the Talk is Cheap

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studio from Extreme Southern Tent for the Kansas

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City Metroplex and the surrounding areas. Let's

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grab a seat and see what kind of garbage they

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throw at us today. Enjoy. Welcome again. We're

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happy you chose us. Come on in. Wash yourself

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off. Would you enjoy a bourbon and coke? There's

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a liquor store down the road. If you go, I need

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rolling papers. Well, since you're here, let's

00:00:49.299 --> 00:00:51.399
get this daily douchebag pledge out of the way.

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All right, bitches, swing your hips and pelvic

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thrust. Shout it out with me. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to download every podcast.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to make all

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friends, family members and workmates download

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this show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to

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grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show. and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the Pudge Factory. Yes, there's

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a Pudge Factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys, we can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two Douchebags

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and a Microphone. Hey peeps, it's time for the

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police blotter. That's right stories about stupid

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criminals and the dumbassness that ensued. Let

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us begin now. In September 2025, a Canadian man

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was arrested for DUI while attempting to drive

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a Barbie Jeep. Not only did the scaled down Jeep

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stand out, not it would only go five miles an

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hour. The police chase ended quickly. The subject,

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George Fizzulli, did not get his six -pack. Bit

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did get a free Uber ride with lights a -flashing

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straight to jail. There was an article about

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Warren Buffett in an online magazine. Bill Gates

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said that Warren Buffett bought him lunch a while

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back at McDonald's. He paid with coupons. Question

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of the week is this. Would that behavior be considered

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cheap or thrifty? Write us now, or I will sick

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my trained pet hammer to attack your knuckles,

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punk. Hey everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm gonna

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give you some tips for life. Freeze grapes instead

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of ice cubes. To use as ice cubes, that way your

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bourbon and coke will remain mixed to perfection,

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and your drink will never get watered down. Hey

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my fellow heavy breeders, this is Dash Riptide.

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Your music news. Tony Omi, the godfather of metal,

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is featured in the new limited docu -series I

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Omi, the godfather of heavy metal which streams

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exclusively on Gibson TV with the first volume

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released in early 2026. The series from Gibson

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Films explores his life, the origins of Black

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Sabbath, and his immense influence on metal and

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music. A deep dive into Iommi's life, including

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his formative years in Birmingham, the extent

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that shaped his guitar sound, and the birth of

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Black Sabbath. Interviews with other legendary

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musicians like Brian May, Rob Halford, Slash,

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and Zach Wilder also featured. Don't miss it.

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This is Gash Riptine, and that was your music

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news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear

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damage, just like me. Here we go. Signs that

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you might be a pussy. Signs that you might be

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a pussy. If you've ever had Phil Collins or Oingo

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Boingo posters on your wall. If you've ever raised

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your coffee mug or tea glass with your pinky

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extended. If you often lotion up your hands with

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no apparent reason. If you like poached eggs,

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if you sing along to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,

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or if you have ever wore a pair of Crocs, even

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just trying them out, you are a pussy. This is

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us calling bullshit on politicians and their

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corruption. We the people should have so much

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more money in our pockets instead of greedy corrupt

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politicians. The Fleece Us Blind Daily. Stay

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tuned and listen up. Syracuse University compiled

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a list of government theft and corruption from

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roughly 2015 to 2025. In this span, there has

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been thousands of scandals, 506 instances of

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misconduct, In the last 100 years that they know

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about, the IRS has investigated over 300 pandemic

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funds misuse and or theft. Now let's take a quick

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peek in Minnesota, that goofy, questionable governor

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and all. The Feeding Our Future campaign from

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2022 to 2026 feds uncovered a scheme stealing

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taxpayers' dollars in the millions. and taking

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from hungry children. What kind of a piece of

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shit does that? I'll tell you, career politicians.

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Right, Timmy boy? How about the NYCHA bribery

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of 2024? 70 current and former employees of NY

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City Housing Authority charged with bribery and

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extortion. Costly the hard -working taxpayers'

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millions. Again, 2 ,039 investigations into COVID

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relief funds with extortion and theft as the

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culprits. Senator Robert Menendez charged with

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bribery offenses. Prime example of corruption.

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Annually, taxpayers lose close to 521 billion

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to elitist crooks. Now do us all a favor and

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add up all the theft cost and think of how many

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children could have been fed or how many schools

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could have been built with quality teachers.

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How much crime could have been solved? New roads.

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And finally, more money in your pockets and less

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in these thieves' hands. Two douchebags and a

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microphone. I'm Mark, here in the Kansas City

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area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Hey, my goat's

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spot on tonight, isn't it? Oh, awesome. Hell

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yeah, yeah. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it. Oh,

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and by the way, by the way, I am Rob. I am in

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Wheatland, Missouri. Population of 377. Woo -hoo!

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Home of the Lucas Oil Speedway and Water Track,

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and also home of Hickam Oak Country Store, where

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you can find all your needs, including... a selfie

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with the Sinclair dinosaur in the Doug Vine studio.

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Wah, wah. That was kind of a snotty wah, wah.

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Well, I just added the population. I like that.

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I like that little ad. I like that little ad

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on. That was good. That was really good. Real

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quick, I'm not going to say names, okay, but

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I want to get into this little sad news. Remember

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the mom we were talking about the other day that

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we pissed in the Pepsi can and all that? Yeah.

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She passed away. Oh, my God. Yesterday evening,

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I got a message from her son. Hang on, hang on,

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hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on. Okay. All

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right. We had to do a little secret inside, uh,

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whatever you want to call it there. Yeah. So,

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you know, um, uh, uh, she's old, you know, it

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sucks part of life. Um, anyhow, um, I'm pretty

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sure she probably listened to that episode, uh,

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somewhere, hopefully heaven. And it's probably

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very angry at us. What'd you say? She's been

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angry with us all her life. I knew it was those

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little fuckers. I knew it was them. I knew it.

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I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. And I knew that

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was piss. And I knew that was spit. Actually,

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I don't think we did piss in it, did we? We just

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put tobacco spit and a bunch of other cayenne

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pepper and stuff. No, we weren't mean enough

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to put piss in. Well, anyhow, I'll get on it.

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You know what? I know who I can ask, and I will

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confirm or slap down whether we pissed in it

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or not, okay? And I'll let you know. Okay, so

00:11:06.740 --> 00:11:09.899
maybe there was urine in it. Is that what you're

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saying? Yeah, maybe. Possibly. Okay, I just knew

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it wasn't mine. Yeah, maybe, possibly. That story

00:11:18.710 --> 00:11:23.950
could be true. Well, you know what? Just saying.

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Yeah, okay. Well, the pearly gates, if you get

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a brick to your face, you know what happened,

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right? We're over 40 years later, so, you know.

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Yeah, you know what? I'm pretty sure. 40 years

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is the dividing line between ha -ha and anger,

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right? Now it's ha -ha. Right. Okay, okay. We're

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safe then. We're safe. We're right there. Yeah,

00:11:48.330 --> 00:11:51.409
we're right there. There we go. Okay. We're all

00:11:51.409 --> 00:11:56.250
in here. You know what? You know what? We love

00:11:56.250 --> 00:12:15.720
you. You know who you are. Yes. Yes. Okay. I

00:12:15.720 --> 00:12:45.639
haven't talked to him in a while. Right, right,

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right. I mean, I was with him in time of need

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the last time, if you know what I'm talking about.

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When he was hurt. Yeah, I talked to him, and

00:13:02.110 --> 00:13:08.129
yeah, we're good. And I do need to get a hold

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of him, now that you mention it. I did not know

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that happened. Yeah, yeah, say something to him.

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I know he'd love to hear from you. I have to,

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I have to. Yeah, you know, even with his issues

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and all, I still love the guy. I mean, you know,

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I grew up with him. He's just such a nice, he's

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so nice. We put him through so much shit. You

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know, yep. We know him. We know him. The only

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other thing I've got to say is this right here.

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With all his issues, the only person he ever

00:13:36.950 --> 00:13:40.789
really hurt was himself. Exactly. And he does

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that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a great guy.

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I love him. And I hope that everything is better

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for him now. So, you know. I mean, except for

00:13:49.490 --> 00:13:53.269
this deal. Well, the motorcycle wreck didn't

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help either. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah.

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Oh, he was. That was the time I was talking about.

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Yeah, he was in the hospital. Oh, okay, okay.

00:14:09.210 --> 00:14:13.909
Yeah, okay, gotcha. Okay. All right, we'll move

00:14:13.909 --> 00:14:17.309
on. We'll talk about that outside of the podcast.

00:14:17.649 --> 00:14:21.330
Yeah, so, all right. That's on us. Sorry, everybody.

00:14:21.710 --> 00:14:24.570
Yeah, yeah. You know what? It's free. Somebody

00:14:24.570 --> 00:14:28.129
we know, not you guys. Yeah, yeah. But I stress

00:14:28.129 --> 00:14:30.450
it's free. If we charged for you, you'd have

00:14:30.450 --> 00:14:34.769
a beef. Be like, I paid $3 .99 for this bullshit,

00:14:34.970 --> 00:14:38.309
but you don't. So, and also, you have this thing

00:14:38.309 --> 00:14:41.129
on your fingers, you know, your fingers on your

00:14:41.129 --> 00:14:43.429
hand, right? And you can always push this thing

00:14:43.429 --> 00:14:46.529
off, you know. Unlike some people who think they

00:14:46.529 --> 00:14:49.009
got a bitch and constantly complain. You know,

00:14:49.029 --> 00:14:51.149
best thing to do is turn it off and move on if

00:14:51.149 --> 00:14:54.529
you don't like it. You know, I... No, no, no.

00:14:54.690 --> 00:14:57.389
Keep complaining. It makes good emails. You know

00:14:57.389 --> 00:14:59.750
what? You're right. Yep. Rob, I'm sorry. I stand

00:14:59.750 --> 00:15:02.230
corrected. Keep sending them in, especially the

00:15:02.230 --> 00:15:08.309
really, really mean ones. Yeah, the ones that

00:15:08.309 --> 00:15:10.769
are so insulting, it hurts your feelings. Keep

00:15:10.769 --> 00:15:13.610
them coming. We love them. We love them. But

00:15:13.610 --> 00:15:19.169
Rob, I'm happy to say, since I had some concern,

00:15:19.590 --> 00:15:22.769
I guess, or whatever, I don't know, some, let's

00:15:22.769 --> 00:15:25.309
see, forceful suggestions, I've got a new Crumb

00:15:25.309 --> 00:15:29.909
Wars and a new Jeffy X list. Oh, awesome. Yep.

00:15:29.929 --> 00:15:32.450
So, all right. We're at least going to get to

00:15:32.450 --> 00:15:36.830
the Crumb Wars. That's where we pick Crumb. You

00:15:36.830 --> 00:15:38.350
know what? I'll describe it when we get there.

00:15:38.429 --> 00:15:41.049
And the Jeffy X -List. If we get to it, we will.

00:15:41.090 --> 00:15:43.529
If not, it will be on the next one. So, all right.

00:15:44.090 --> 00:15:46.350
First off. There are Crumb Wars that I actually

00:15:46.350 --> 00:15:52.669
didn't take part of. Yes. All right. First off,

00:15:52.789 --> 00:15:55.169
no Walmart story today. I went to Target, paid

00:15:55.169 --> 00:15:57.590
a little bit more without all the bullshit. feel

00:15:57.590 --> 00:16:02.490
pretty good. Um, okay. Um, I, I know a few people

00:16:02.490 --> 00:16:06.029
be bummed because I've been messaged over, um,

00:16:06.210 --> 00:16:08.289
quite a few of my battles with Walmart and people

00:16:08.289 --> 00:16:10.210
like, Oh, love it. You know, cause they have

00:16:10.210 --> 00:16:12.629
the same issues with everybody does, you know?

00:16:12.870 --> 00:16:18.039
Um, so Anyhow, so there's no Walmart story. So

00:16:18.039 --> 00:16:20.419
I'll work on that. But actually, I don't think

00:16:20.419 --> 00:16:22.240
I'm going back there for quite a while, if at

00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:25.759
all. So this is the first Super Bowl in quite

00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:27.600
a while that I don't really have an interest

00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:30.740
in watching. Not only because the Chiefs not

00:16:30.740 --> 00:16:33.360
playing, but in the last, you know, the last

00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:36.799
two teams in it that I find these teams boring.

00:16:37.500 --> 00:16:41.659
You know, it looks like a lot of defense to me.

00:16:43.440 --> 00:16:45.820
Just boring players, in my opinion. You know

00:16:45.820 --> 00:16:48.179
what I mean? They don't really have... Drake

00:16:48.179 --> 00:16:50.159
May is an up -and -coming quarterback, but he's

00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:53.299
not quite that it option yet. And then we have

00:16:53.299 --> 00:16:56.299
Sam Darnold on the other side. To me, I don't

00:16:56.299 --> 00:16:57.740
know. What do you think, Rob? To me, that sounds

00:16:57.740 --> 00:17:04.220
boring. Actually, I think I got used to Sam Darnold.

00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:12.210
Okay. I mean... I was watching him when he was

00:17:12.210 --> 00:17:15.470
younger. We watched him come up. I kind of liked

00:17:15.470 --> 00:17:20.250
him. He just wasn't with the right teams. You

00:17:20.250 --> 00:17:24.970
know, I always... There's something about Sam

00:17:24.970 --> 00:17:28.369
Donald I have always liked. And here he is in

00:17:28.369 --> 00:17:31.349
the biggest stage of them all. Well, yeah. I

00:17:31.349 --> 00:17:33.190
mean, wouldn't that be great if a ginger wanted...

00:17:36.589 --> 00:17:42.009
I think he's, what, maybe 32, 33, somewhere that

00:17:42.009 --> 00:17:47.069
age. Yeah, close enough. Well, anyhow, we'll

00:17:47.069 --> 00:17:50.869
have a ginger champion. For football, you got

00:17:50.869 --> 00:17:54.230
people in their 20s who retire. Yeah. Come on.

00:17:54.410 --> 00:17:59.880
Yeah, yep. So, all right. Well, we'll see. I'm

00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:01.420
going to watch it, and I'll give a report on

00:18:01.420 --> 00:18:04.500
it. So, anyhow, Topher and I touched on this

00:18:04.500 --> 00:18:07.940
Tuesday, but we both, we, I can't speak tonight.

00:18:07.980 --> 00:18:09.759
Well, you know what? I can't speak any night,

00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:12.380
so it's no different. You better speak. Okay.

00:18:12.519 --> 00:18:15.980
I hate you. All right. Topher and I touched on

00:18:15.980 --> 00:18:18.140
this Tuesday, but we both watched part of the

00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:22.519
Grammys, the Aussie tributes only. Youngblood.

00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:26.400
tribute was amazing it was a rendition of changes

00:18:26.400 --> 00:18:31.240
oh did you see that yes i did well i watched

00:18:31.240 --> 00:18:35.420
it secondhand okay well um i watched it live

00:18:35.420 --> 00:18:38.839
but that was only because i was walking by the

00:18:38.839 --> 00:18:40.880
tv and he came on i'm like wait a minute that's

00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:43.859
youngblood oh yeah yeah there's an aussie tribute

00:18:43.859 --> 00:18:47.000
and then they did that and then they and so um

00:18:47.000 --> 00:18:50.380
anyhow i Youngblood is an up -and -coming artist.

00:18:50.519 --> 00:18:52.660
He's big in England. He's not really big here

00:18:52.660 --> 00:18:55.160
yet. Not that many people heard him. He's awesome.

00:18:55.539 --> 00:18:58.480
He is. I've been following him. I've been following

00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:00.420
him. I really like this kid. Actually, Princess

00:19:00.420 --> 00:19:04.460
turned me on to him. Yeah, he's good. Before

00:19:04.460 --> 00:19:08.339
Ozzy died, Princess turned me on to him. Oh,

00:19:08.339 --> 00:19:11.519
okay. And I was like, yeah. And she goes, you've

00:19:11.519 --> 00:19:15.759
got to hear this guy. And she goes, this kid.

00:19:16.619 --> 00:19:22.789
Mm -hmm. oh my god and then I started studying

00:19:22.789 --> 00:19:28.809
and found out Ozzy groomed him and Ozzy pretty

00:19:28.809 --> 00:19:35.470
much passed the torch to Youngblood to be honest

00:19:35.470 --> 00:19:41.009
he did if you follow it he pretty much passed

00:19:41.009 --> 00:19:43.450
the torch to Youngblood what I would like to

00:19:43.450 --> 00:19:45.509
see is Youngblood start working with some of

00:19:45.509 --> 00:19:49.440
these older metal artists now Yeah, yeah, I think

00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:53.599
he's going to. That is what he really needs to

00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:57.000
propel his career to, especially in America,

00:19:57.140 --> 00:19:58.859
you know, if he can work with, I don't know,

00:19:59.000 --> 00:20:01.779
whoever, the guys from Metallica or whatever.

00:20:02.039 --> 00:20:05.019
A lot of the people we're thinking of are getting

00:20:05.019 --> 00:20:10.619
too old. Yes. But if they would all come together

00:20:10.619 --> 00:20:20.019
and coach this boy, oh my. Oh, yeah, I think

00:20:20.019 --> 00:20:22.339
so, too. Give me a chance. I think his time in

00:20:22.339 --> 00:20:26.880
America is coming. I really do, so. Yeah. Okay.

00:20:27.339 --> 00:20:30.619
He's getting a lot of backing. Yeah, I would

00:20:30.619 --> 00:20:34.420
agree. So, now the second one was a little perplexing.

00:20:34.500 --> 00:20:37.519
The lineup performing, it was quite stellar.

00:20:38.339 --> 00:20:42.000
Slash, Andrew Watt, Duff McKagan, Chad Smith,

00:20:42.299 --> 00:20:46.819
and Post Malone was singing. The part that was

00:20:46.819 --> 00:20:50.029
questionable. was the song choice, War Pigs.

00:20:51.230 --> 00:20:54.009
You know, it's a great song, but not very fitting,

00:20:54.170 --> 00:20:58.470
you know, for an Aussie tribute. I mean, you

00:20:58.470 --> 00:21:00.670
know, it was a Sabbath song, number one. It was

00:21:00.670 --> 00:21:03.589
not an Aussie song. And this was an Aussie tribute

00:21:03.589 --> 00:21:06.430
because Aussie is the one that passed away. If

00:21:06.430 --> 00:21:08.470
it was Tony Iommi that passed away, then you'd

00:21:08.470 --> 00:21:11.690
probably do... Pardon me? What did you say? Oh,

00:21:11.690 --> 00:21:15.329
I was just getting right to say, you mentioned

00:21:15.329 --> 00:21:28.920
that... Yes. No, that's what I was saying, too.

00:21:30.740 --> 00:21:33.099
I would love to have heard them do that. I mean,

00:21:33.140 --> 00:21:37.420
Post Malone really is not a War Pigs type of

00:21:37.420 --> 00:21:42.480
a singer. But if you could put in No More Tears

00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:44.539
or something like that, I think he would have

00:21:44.539 --> 00:21:50.079
done really well. Actually, for where they were

00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:52.180
at the time, that would have been a perfect song.

00:21:53.559 --> 00:21:59.359
No More Tears, a tribute to Ozzy. Yes. Yeah,

00:21:59.420 --> 00:22:01.019
that would have been nice. But you know what?

00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:05.460
It is what it is. So, you know, I would love

00:22:05.460 --> 00:22:07.519
to have heard No More Tears, I think, is about

00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:09.440
the perfect song for that. I think you hit that

00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:14.569
right on there. Oh, well, I'm sure there's going

00:22:14.569 --> 00:22:17.990
to be more tributes anyhow. Oh, yeah, of course.

00:22:18.410 --> 00:22:21.089
But speaking of music, and I'm sure you heard

00:22:21.089 --> 00:22:23.430
about this big hubbub. Everybody has. And this

00:22:23.430 --> 00:22:26.150
is another thing we spoke about on the Music

00:22:26.150 --> 00:22:29.750
Creeps, me and Topher did. But I'm going to go

00:22:29.750 --> 00:22:31.349
ahead and bring it up here, too, because I want

00:22:31.349 --> 00:22:33.930
your opinion on this. You know, I'm sick of these

00:22:33.930 --> 00:22:37.190
pop stars like Billie Eilish. I call her Eyelash.

00:22:37.410 --> 00:22:45.440
Billie Eyelash. Just call her Billy Eyelash.

00:22:45.460 --> 00:22:47.480
Tell me how I should feel. She doesn't know a

00:22:47.480 --> 00:22:52.400
word she says, but she listens to the shit she

00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:57.980
says, and oh my God. She fucked up. She fucked

00:22:57.980 --> 00:23:01.799
up. Well, yes, she did. She should have learned

00:23:01.799 --> 00:23:04.440
from Ben and Jerry. They did it first, but I'll

00:23:04.440 --> 00:23:08.069
go on here. First off... First off, what would

00:23:08.069 --> 00:23:10.730
make her a notable source for anything important?

00:23:11.589 --> 00:23:14.170
Right? I mean, anything important... Well, for

00:23:14.170 --> 00:23:17.490
one, she's too fucking young. Yeah, and number

00:23:17.490 --> 00:23:19.529
two, she looks like she has the brain capacity

00:23:19.529 --> 00:23:24.309
of a fucking pebble. So, anyhow, actually, she

00:23:24.309 --> 00:23:27.789
should be thanking God that a person like her...

00:23:28.329 --> 00:23:30.730
lives in America where she can suck her youngsters

00:23:30.730 --> 00:23:33.809
into pain to hear her and sing her. No other

00:23:33.809 --> 00:23:36.490
country would she be able to do that. Everyone

00:23:36.490 --> 00:23:38.930
would look at her and go, no talent, I'm not

00:23:38.930 --> 00:23:42.069
paying for it. Only in America are we this big

00:23:42.069 --> 00:23:45.650
of rubes where they prop these idiots up and

00:23:45.650 --> 00:23:47.950
then they go, oh my gosh, they're so good. And

00:23:47.950 --> 00:23:49.789
you look at them and you go, what? People with

00:23:49.789 --> 00:23:53.630
sense go, what? That's that good? Don't think

00:23:53.630 --> 00:23:57.650
so. So she said, we're all on stolen land until

00:23:57.650 --> 00:24:01.190
the Tonga Indian tribe said, okay, let's start

00:24:01.190 --> 00:24:06.049
with you. Her mansion, I know, her mansion is

00:24:06.049 --> 00:24:11.049
on their land if you go by her definition. $14

00:24:11.049 --> 00:24:19.089
million mansion, by the way. Yeah, yes. This

00:24:19.089 --> 00:24:21.470
is what I love whenever they put their foot in

00:24:21.470 --> 00:24:29.339
their mouth, these big mouth idiots. Oh, it's

00:24:29.339 --> 00:24:31.940
great. I love it when this happens. I love it

00:24:31.940 --> 00:24:35.480
because it shuts their fat mouth up. Exactly.

00:24:36.019 --> 00:24:39.000
So what did we receive from Billie Eilish after

00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:43.579
this? That's right. Radio silence. Just like

00:24:43.579 --> 00:24:46.440
Ben and Jerry did a few years back. Insert foot

00:24:46.440 --> 00:24:48.839
and mouth and then scamper off out of the limelight.

00:24:49.000 --> 00:24:50.500
That's what she's doing. You're not going to

00:24:50.500 --> 00:24:52.759
hear anything from her for a while, which is

00:24:52.759 --> 00:25:06.750
a godsend. that the court case is already in

00:25:06.750 --> 00:25:13.750
motion. Good. I'm going to try and inherit a

00:25:13.750 --> 00:25:18.990
$14 million mansion. Well, number one, I'm not

00:25:18.990 --> 00:25:21.190
sure how the courts will work on this, but number

00:25:21.190 --> 00:25:23.869
one, she did admit that she thought it was their

00:25:23.869 --> 00:25:30.619
land. I guarantee it turns into a casino. Oh,

00:25:30.619 --> 00:25:32.460
I love it. Hey, maybe she can perform at that

00:25:32.460 --> 00:25:38.519
casino. For free for running her land, for living

00:25:38.519 --> 00:25:45.700
on their land. Yeah, you got to perform for free

00:25:45.700 --> 00:25:50.819
for 10 years. Because she's been in that mansion

00:25:50.819 --> 00:25:53.000
for quite a while. So, yeah, you know, that's

00:25:53.000 --> 00:25:55.819
a lot of rent she did not pay. So, yeah, they

00:25:55.819 --> 00:26:00.700
owe her or she owes them. I mean, you know. Okay,

00:26:00.759 --> 00:26:07.480
I have a rule on situations like this. And it's

00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:10.980
a you first rule. You present to me an issue

00:26:10.980 --> 00:26:13.819
like we must give back their land or divide my

00:26:13.819 --> 00:26:16.660
money up to people who didn't earn it. Okay,

00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:20.259
you first. Anything other than that is complete

00:26:20.259 --> 00:26:22.480
bullshit, right? So someone comes up and goes,

00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:24.660
you've got to get off this land because it's

00:26:24.660 --> 00:26:27.900
not yours. It's stolen land. And also, that money

00:26:27.900 --> 00:26:29.839
you make, you should give half of it to the poor.

00:26:30.359 --> 00:26:34.900
Okay, you first. I want to see these people do

00:26:34.900 --> 00:26:39.619
it first. All these all -knowing virtue signalers

00:26:39.619 --> 00:26:43.259
that love to go around and act like they just

00:26:43.259 --> 00:26:46.950
have all this compassion. let's fucking see you

00:26:46.950 --> 00:26:49.710
do it first. As soon as you start giving up your

00:26:49.710 --> 00:26:52.829
house and your land and your money to somebody

00:26:52.829 --> 00:26:59.009
that you think deems is whatever, I'll listen

00:26:59.009 --> 00:27:01.230
to you then. But until then, I want to hear your

00:27:01.230 --> 00:27:04.049
fucking mouth. Until then, go away. Until then,

00:27:04.130 --> 00:27:08.109
shut up. Because I have a lot other things. Pardon

00:27:08.109 --> 00:27:10.730
me? All I can say is you and Princess are going

00:27:10.730 --> 00:27:14.359
to get along very well. You know what? I'm getting

00:27:14.359 --> 00:27:17.559
sick of all this virtue signaling from all these

00:27:17.559 --> 00:27:22.759
loudmouth fucking know -nothings. You know, it's

00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:25.740
ridiculous. Everybody anymore has just got a

00:27:25.740 --> 00:27:27.660
fucking problem with everything. Everybody's

00:27:27.660 --> 00:27:29.940
up in arms about everything. You know, if we

00:27:29.940 --> 00:27:32.380
ever had a real fucking problem, we'd be fucked.

00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:34.539
And I'll tell you what I'd like to see is this

00:27:34.539 --> 00:27:37.079
right here. I think we need to release lions

00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:41.440
out into the main population. All right? And

00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:43.900
then, whoever's dumb enough to get eaten by that

00:27:43.900 --> 00:27:48.680
lion, you weren't meant to live. What do you

00:27:48.680 --> 00:27:57.279
think? Rob? Just saying, we have guns. We will

00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:01.519
live. Yes, yes, yep. When shit hits the fan,

00:28:01.779 --> 00:28:10.049
everyone's going to love that survivalist. It

00:28:10.049 --> 00:28:13.029
is. And they are all registered, and they're

00:28:13.029 --> 00:28:16.769
all legal. Well, I can't have a gun in Kansas

00:28:16.769 --> 00:28:21.410
City, Missouri, so of course I don't, Rob. I

00:28:21.410 --> 00:28:24.869
would never, ever, ever... I'm sorry. I would

00:28:24.869 --> 00:28:29.089
never, ever break the law. Oh, no. I'm sorry.

00:28:29.490 --> 00:28:32.210
I know. I wish I had... We can have whatever

00:28:32.210 --> 00:28:35.109
we want. I wish I had a beautiful, sweet gun.

00:28:35.910 --> 00:28:41.230
Registered. All right. But I also have this to

00:28:41.230 --> 00:28:44.750
say, Rob. We all owe the conspiracy theorists

00:28:44.750 --> 00:28:47.690
in your life a huge apology. I remember hearing

00:28:47.690 --> 00:28:50.869
for years about this huge pedophile ring. We

00:28:50.869 --> 00:28:54.789
all thought, that's not possible. Well, guess

00:28:54.789 --> 00:28:57.910
what? The thousand pages of documents, pictures,

00:28:58.049 --> 00:29:00.390
and flight logs with victims' accounts of Epstein

00:29:00.390 --> 00:29:03.450
were released thanks to the Department of Justice.

00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:06.700
Now you can hate on Trump all you want, but there's

00:29:06.700 --> 00:29:09.980
no denying any other fucking president had a

00:29:09.980 --> 00:29:15.059
shot at doing this and declined it. Ever since

00:29:15.059 --> 00:29:16.740
they've known about this for I don't know how

00:29:16.740 --> 00:29:19.900
many years now, every president had an opening

00:29:19.900 --> 00:29:23.519
that they could do this. And you may hate Trump

00:29:23.519 --> 00:29:25.880
all you want, but he's the only guy that has

00:29:25.880 --> 00:29:31.079
ever went ahead and said, release him. And I

00:29:31.079 --> 00:29:38.440
respect that. Okay, well, while we are on the

00:29:38.440 --> 00:29:45.299
Epstein Files, that brings me to another gentleman

00:29:45.299 --> 00:29:47.900
I have been watching. I've been watching him

00:29:47.900 --> 00:29:52.940
on Facebook Reels. He's on X. He's on YouTube.

00:29:53.559 --> 00:30:01.440
His name is The Alaskan Adventure. The Alaskan

00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:07.410
Adventure. up on here, dude. Okay. I love this

00:30:07.410 --> 00:30:14.650
man. Okay. He spent, he got a 20 year, 23 year

00:30:14.650 --> 00:30:21.450
sentence for killing like two or three pedophiles.

00:30:21.950 --> 00:30:29.349
Oh, nice. Okay. He's proud of it. Well, he did

00:30:29.349 --> 00:30:37.180
his sentence. He did like 15. And he got out

00:30:37.180 --> 00:30:43.140
on parole. And he took his stuff to social media

00:30:43.140 --> 00:30:47.759
is what he did. He's on X, he's on YouTube, he's

00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:52.859
on Facebook Reels. And his name is The Real Alaskan

00:30:52.859 --> 00:30:57.619
Avenger. And he is against pedophiles. That's

00:30:57.619 --> 00:31:53.049
all it is. He's a great guy. Okay. He's turned

00:31:53.049 --> 00:31:58.829
his life around. He's running a... Oh, uh...

00:31:58.829 --> 00:32:06.190
Yeah, it's like a recovery center. Oh, okay.

00:32:06.309 --> 00:32:32.700
All right. Like a... And I love it. Yeah, I mean,

00:32:32.819 --> 00:32:36.779
he's... I'd be the same way. I found somebody

00:32:36.779 --> 00:32:39.339
to touch one of my kids or one of my grandkids.

00:32:40.200 --> 00:32:46.440
You know what I mean? Yeah, just watch him. Just

00:32:46.440 --> 00:32:50.859
watch him. You'll like him, Mark. You will. He's

00:32:50.859 --> 00:32:54.839
a good guy. He's Turner. He's all about protecting

00:32:54.839 --> 00:33:07.779
kids. That's all it's about. cool very cool all

00:33:07.779 --> 00:33:11.259
right all right everybody check him out um all

00:33:11.259 --> 00:33:14.380
right all right rob we uh we are 25 minutes into

00:33:14.380 --> 00:33:17.200
this so let's go to you because then i have some

00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:21.900
emails uh jeffy x list um chrome olympics so

00:33:21.900 --> 00:33:24.240
we gotta get this thing moving so rob go ahead

00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:32.700
all right how about some stolen meat okay sounds

00:33:32.700 --> 00:33:48.970
good to me And throwing nearly all of it away

00:33:48.970 --> 00:33:52.650
after catching his girlfriend cooking with another

00:33:52.650 --> 00:34:03.789
man. Okay. This happened. Okay. Okay, like I

00:34:03.789 --> 00:34:06.950
say, he's a Cuban national, so I'm going to call

00:34:06.950 --> 00:35:14.940
him Alvarez. Sounds good to me. Okay. Okay. Okay.

00:35:47.269 --> 00:35:53.309
Okay. This is a calculated high -stakes operation.

00:35:54.789 --> 00:35:58.489
Okay. It left two stores with significant losses.

00:35:59.530 --> 00:36:03.510
Flagler County Sheriff Ricky Staley said that

00:36:03.510 --> 00:36:23.239
it was really shared by social media. not serve

00:36:23.239 --> 00:37:00.710
premium meats, Daly said. Yeah. Well, you know,

00:37:00.730 --> 00:37:03.449
when you said he's Cuban, all I can hear, and

00:37:03.449 --> 00:37:05.750
he caught his wife cooking with another man,

00:37:05.949 --> 00:37:09.530
all I can hear in my head is, oh, Lucy, oh, Lucy.

00:37:10.150 --> 00:37:21.750
Go ahead. Yeah, Lucy. Oh, Lucy. Google it. Go

00:37:21.750 --> 00:37:24.809
ahead, Rob. I'm sorry. No, that's it. That's

00:37:24.809 --> 00:37:29.130
it. Oh, shit. Okay. That was a unique story,

00:37:29.309 --> 00:37:31.329
Rob. I love that. That's a pretty good lead off.

00:37:33.530 --> 00:37:50.809
I see Desi Arnaz yelling at Lucille Ball. I'm

00:37:50.809 --> 00:38:03.360
sorry. Yeah. I know. Here I am risking my freedom,

00:38:03.380 --> 00:38:05.760
and you're fucking cooking with another guy.

00:38:09.019 --> 00:38:11.719
Love it. Thank you, Rob. That was classic. I'm

00:38:11.719 --> 00:38:13.900
going to remember that one for quite a while.

00:38:14.039 --> 00:38:19.500
It was good. All right. Let's be right back after

00:38:19.500 --> 00:38:24.099
this break with some emails. Let's do it. All

00:38:24.099 --> 00:38:30.400
righty. Hey, look! I think we found land! Oh

00:38:30.400 --> 00:38:34.679
my god, I think we're safe! Oh no! It's the island

00:38:34.679 --> 00:38:41.239
of horrible jokes! Someone took the fifth month

00:38:41.239 --> 00:38:46.539
out of my calendar. I'm dismayed. They used to

00:38:46.539 --> 00:38:49.719
call it Jump -Oleem until your mama got on it.

00:38:50.980 --> 00:38:54.239
Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping their

00:38:54.239 --> 00:38:57.929
ass with politically correct wash rags. Two douchebags

00:38:57.929 --> 00:39:00.590
and a microphone invade your ear holes in three,

00:39:00.829 --> 00:39:05.730
two, one. Tomorrow morning while grinding your

00:39:05.730 --> 00:39:08.409
coffee beans for your double mocha latte, remember

00:39:08.409 --> 00:39:11.050
to not get your genitals caught in the grinder.

00:39:11.289 --> 00:39:14.710
It really hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery?

00:39:15.469 --> 00:39:21.610
Stay safe, everyone. Hey there. We all have those

00:39:21.610 --> 00:39:25.239
annoying co -workers that do nothing. There's

00:39:25.239 --> 00:39:27.519
nothing we can do about it because HR departments

00:39:27.519 --> 00:39:30.639
are running scared of lawyers. So we have to

00:39:30.639 --> 00:39:33.480
work with these workless pieces of garbage. But

00:39:33.480 --> 00:39:36.139
we have to communicate about them without them

00:39:36.139 --> 00:39:39.199
knowing about it. Here at Two Douchebags Microphone,

00:39:39.219 --> 00:39:41.219
we developed a way that you can speak about them

00:39:41.219 --> 00:39:43.480
right in front of them without them knowing about

00:39:43.480 --> 00:39:47.800
it. Stay tuned. First code name, Absolute Zero.

00:39:47.900 --> 00:39:50.260
They contribute nothing and effectively stop

00:39:50.260 --> 00:39:54.179
all molecular motion in the project. Dark matter.

00:39:54.730 --> 00:39:57.289
You know they're there, they take up space, but

00:39:57.289 --> 00:39:59.269
they provide no light and cannot be observed

00:39:59.269 --> 00:40:04.230
doing actual work. Static. High noise, zero signal,

00:40:04.409 --> 00:40:08.929
stays in one place. Event horizon. Once a task

00:40:08.929 --> 00:40:12.429
enters their orbit, it is never seen again. How

00:40:12.429 --> 00:40:15.269
about buffer? They take 20 minutes to process

00:40:15.269 --> 00:40:20.690
a 5 second request. The screensaver. Looks like

00:40:20.690 --> 00:40:22.489
they're working, but as soon as you touch them,

00:40:22.610 --> 00:40:26.769
they disappear. Cloud mode. Just floating around

00:40:26.769 --> 00:40:29.170
vague and nobody knows what they actually do.

00:40:29.349 --> 00:40:34.230
And finally, 404. Task not found. Stay tuned

00:40:34.230 --> 00:40:38.269
for more of these gems. Great news, assholes.

00:40:38.650 --> 00:40:42.230
You can now email the douches anytime, anywhere.

00:40:43.170 --> 00:40:46.090
In the middle of a job interview. No big deal.

00:40:46.369 --> 00:40:50.070
Taking a bath? No problems there. Tap dancing.

00:40:50.309 --> 00:40:54.110
Easy as pie. Just send it to 2douches at mail

00:40:54.110 --> 00:40:57.269
.com. Do it now, pussies, or I'll smash you in

00:40:57.269 --> 00:41:02.690
the junk. This is Joshua Belmont, your food for

00:41:02.690 --> 00:41:05.429
thought man on The Hustle. So I just realized

00:41:05.429 --> 00:41:08.230
a genius that gets absolutely no credit. His

00:41:08.230 --> 00:41:10.750
name is Marshall Taylor. He is credited with

00:41:10.750 --> 00:41:12.809
the first bag of salad mix that was bagged and

00:41:12.809 --> 00:41:17.309
sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe he

00:41:17.309 --> 00:41:19.909
is still alive. This guy's genius will never

00:41:19.909 --> 00:41:23.199
be fully appreciated. Before this ban, we settled

00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:25.619
for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons

00:41:25.619 --> 00:41:28.599
and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with

00:41:28.599 --> 00:41:32.000
that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana

00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:34.000
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,

00:41:34.199 --> 00:41:36.440
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,

00:41:36.599 --> 00:41:39.239
maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine

00:41:39.239 --> 00:41:43.139
lettuce for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should

00:41:43.139 --> 00:41:47.719
have a national holiday. Two douchebags and microphone

00:41:47.719 --> 00:41:51.219
in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

00:41:51.219 --> 00:41:58.519
you first world problems. Oh, shit. Look at that

00:41:58.519 --> 00:42:02.460
drive -thru wine. Surely we don't expect me to

00:42:02.460 --> 00:42:10.219
actually have to go in. This sucks. Hey, you

00:42:10.219 --> 00:42:12.659
pilgrims. This is Mark from Two Douchebags and

00:42:12.659 --> 00:42:15.420
Microphone. And this is the Two Douchebags and

00:42:15.420 --> 00:42:18.139
Microphone thought of the day. Hey, good kid.

00:42:18.300 --> 00:42:20.420
No one gives an ounce of shit what you had for

00:42:20.420 --> 00:42:22.840
breakfast. Not even the person on the other end.

00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:25.719
You look like a mentally slow driv yelling into

00:42:25.719 --> 00:42:28.340
thin air all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth

00:42:28.340 --> 00:42:31.179
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What

00:42:31.179 --> 00:42:34.260
men consider self -centered dunce. Monty constantly

00:42:34.260 --> 00:42:36.900
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go the

00:42:36.900 --> 00:42:39.320
fuck home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably

00:42:39.320 --> 00:42:41.360
forgot the theming because you're too busy looking

00:42:41.360 --> 00:42:55.150
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. Two douchebags

00:42:55.150 --> 00:42:57.969
and microphone, a mark here in the Kansas City

00:42:57.969 --> 00:43:07.250
area at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob

00:43:07.250 --> 00:43:12.670
in Wheelham, Missouri, population of 377, home

00:43:12.670 --> 00:43:19.150
of Lucas Oil Speedway and Water Track, and also

00:43:19.150 --> 00:43:22.050
home of Hickam Old Country Store, where you can

00:43:22.050 --> 00:43:26.969
find all your... including a selfie with the

00:43:26.969 --> 00:43:34.409
Sinclair dinosaur and a car wash to hide your

00:43:34.409 --> 00:43:40.730
car in a storm. In the Doug Blythe studio. Yes,

00:43:40.730 --> 00:43:50.929
I had that. Off the fly, I had that. I'm right

00:43:50.929 --> 00:43:55.429
on it. I noticed, like, halfway through, you're

00:43:55.429 --> 00:43:58.710
like, you stopped for a minute and had to get

00:43:58.710 --> 00:44:02.570
some air. Pretty soon, the whole damn show is

00:44:02.570 --> 00:44:05.269
just going to be an intro. That was the way I

00:44:05.269 --> 00:44:09.329
do it. Oh, fucking awesome. Thank you, Rob. All

00:44:09.329 --> 00:44:13.170
right, I got some emails here. All right. All

00:44:13.170 --> 00:44:15.010
right. I'm glad we're having fun tonight, right?

00:44:16.110 --> 00:44:20.929
Oh, we got to after the day I had. Okay, I had

00:44:20.929 --> 00:44:22.849
the opposite. I had a pretty good day. But, you

00:44:22.849 --> 00:44:27.809
know, I mean, yeah. All right. Hey, dudes. What

00:44:27.809 --> 00:44:29.889
does each one of your favorite segments of the

00:44:29.889 --> 00:44:34.969
show imply? Ronnie and Tulsa. The Tulsa King.

00:44:35.530 --> 00:44:37.889
And he writes this. He wants his name like that,

00:44:37.929 --> 00:44:40.650
you know. You call him Tulsa King, so do I. But

00:44:40.650 --> 00:44:43.090
he wants to be addressed as Ronnie and Tulsa,

00:44:43.090 --> 00:44:57.650
the Tulsa King. Okay, no, no. Oh, well. Sorry,

00:44:57.909 --> 00:45:00.750
you gotta repeat that because I was reading my

00:45:00.750 --> 00:45:26.650
next one. Hmm. Yeah. I'm going to have to say

00:45:26.650 --> 00:45:30.369
Rob's Bag of Garbage because it's stuff that

00:45:30.369 --> 00:45:35.230
I just come up with off the fly. I love it. And

00:45:35.230 --> 00:45:39.849
usually it's nothing major. It's just off the

00:45:39.849 --> 00:45:45.510
wall stuff. I like it. Although I do draw on

00:45:45.510 --> 00:45:59.179
some serious stuff every now and then. Let's

00:45:59.179 --> 00:46:02.019
see. I go through different phases where I like

00:46:02.019 --> 00:46:04.119
the funnier ones and then I like the serious

00:46:04.119 --> 00:46:07.480
ones. So it's kind of hard. That's what I mean.

00:46:07.739 --> 00:46:10.280
That's what I mean. It wasn't that garbage. I

00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:14.059
could throw anything. That's what I love about

00:46:14.059 --> 00:46:19.559
that. No, I like it. Rob's bag of garbage is

00:46:19.559 --> 00:46:22.739
definitely up there. I also like my new... I'm

00:46:22.739 --> 00:46:25.019
getting really fond of the I call bullshits.

00:46:26.179 --> 00:46:30.199
I've got a new one that's going to be... That's

00:46:30.199 --> 00:46:33.659
one of my top books too. Yeah, I would say Rob's

00:46:33.659 --> 00:46:36.039
Bag of Garbage and I Call Bullshit for right

00:46:36.039 --> 00:46:39.559
now. Next week I may be in a more comical mood

00:46:39.559 --> 00:46:42.119
and pick something else, but right now I got

00:46:42.119 --> 00:46:44.840
that. And another thing is I'm pretty fond of

00:46:44.840 --> 00:46:47.500
this next one that's coming out on this episode.

00:46:47.800 --> 00:46:51.440
And this is a rundown of the last 10 years of

00:46:51.440 --> 00:46:54.900
the biggest government fraud and theft. And these

00:46:54.900 --> 00:46:59.000
are things that were astronomically stolen. from

00:46:59.000 --> 00:47:01.900
the American people are tax money, and nothing

00:47:01.900 --> 00:47:05.079
was done to them. And I've got a long list of

00:47:05.079 --> 00:47:07.420
it, too. So I think you're going to enjoy this.

00:47:07.460 --> 00:47:10.639
Well, I'll tell you what. If I had more time

00:47:10.639 --> 00:47:15.840
to sit down and write things out and do more

00:47:15.840 --> 00:47:19.559
homework, oh, man, this show would be a hell

00:47:19.559 --> 00:47:22.880
of a lot better. You know, I'd do what I could

00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:36.719
do. Yeah, I mean, I've got so much shit. So I

00:47:36.719 --> 00:47:39.659
have a lot of time to think, well, while I'm

00:47:39.659 --> 00:47:44.599
driving, I can't write this shit down. And if

00:47:44.599 --> 00:47:47.900
I didn't record it, I ain't got the time when

00:47:47.900 --> 00:47:52.059
I get home to write it down. I have to listen

00:47:52.059 --> 00:47:55.820
to it, you know what I mean? I have so many thoughts

00:47:55.820 --> 00:48:00.920
in my head that I forget every day. It would

00:48:00.920 --> 00:48:06.429
be awesome for the show, you know? Well, I don't

00:48:06.429 --> 00:48:09.309
know what to do about that. Yeah, I don't either.

00:48:09.510 --> 00:48:14.010
I don't either. Except for hire somebody to write

00:48:14.010 --> 00:48:17.070
with me. I'll hire me a secretary to write with

00:48:17.070 --> 00:48:21.730
me. That's what you do. Yeah. The big money I'm

00:48:21.730 --> 00:48:24.409
making. I mean, honestly, it's working like it

00:48:24.409 --> 00:48:26.429
is. You're coming up with good stuff completely

00:48:26.429 --> 00:48:28.329
different than mine, and that's the whole idea.

00:48:28.989 --> 00:48:34.539
We're two completely different people. Yeah,

00:48:34.719 --> 00:48:39.380
and, you know, it's working like it is. I mean,

00:48:39.400 --> 00:48:41.880
from day one, this has kind of been my vision,

00:48:42.000 --> 00:48:45.800
you know, of starting the podcast and kind of

00:48:45.800 --> 00:48:49.380
really kind of tempered towards me because I'm

00:48:49.380 --> 00:48:52.420
the main guy, you know, and I'm not saying that

00:48:52.420 --> 00:48:54.199
bragging or nothing. It's just like, you know,

00:48:54.219 --> 00:48:58.840
I do most, if not pretty much all the bits and

00:48:58.840 --> 00:49:01.280
the production and all this stuff, as shitty

00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:05.679
as it is, you know. So I think it works well.

00:49:05.739 --> 00:49:10.059
You put in what you want to, and it's fine because

00:49:10.059 --> 00:49:12.380
it works out well because it's the yin and yang

00:49:12.380 --> 00:49:15.579
of this show. Yeah, and you were here a few years

00:49:15.579 --> 00:49:18.760
before me. Yeah, yeah, so it's fine. You don't

00:49:18.760 --> 00:49:22.679
owe anything to anybody, especially me. No, I

00:49:22.679 --> 00:49:26.699
don't know. I just do what I can. I'm just saying,

00:49:26.760 --> 00:49:35.559
I could do so much more. Yeah, no, and it's fine.

00:49:35.679 --> 00:49:37.699
And that's what I'm trying to say there. I kind

00:49:37.699 --> 00:49:39.599
of had a weird way of going around it. I was

00:49:39.599 --> 00:49:42.659
trying to describe it. But it doesn't matter

00:49:42.659 --> 00:49:45.500
because it's working, in my opinion. And I mean,

00:49:45.559 --> 00:49:48.159
according to our listenership, our listening

00:49:48.159 --> 00:49:53.039
base, it is working. So I'm good. All right.

00:49:53.519 --> 00:49:57.280
And I love each and every one of them. I do.

00:49:57.420 --> 00:50:00.630
I do, too. And thank you, Rob. I appreciate everything

00:50:00.630 --> 00:50:04.789
that you do, your efforts and all that. So, Mark,

00:50:05.230 --> 00:50:07.869
I'm headed to Kansas City for a medical conference.

00:50:08.210 --> 00:50:13.230
I have a rental on the house. Work paid for it.

00:50:13.570 --> 00:50:16.550
I can drive anywhere, but I'm staying at the

00:50:16.550 --> 00:50:19.090
Sheridan Convention Center in Overland Park.

00:50:19.849 --> 00:50:22.829
I was wanting a list of, okay, when he said I

00:50:22.829 --> 00:50:25.650
have a rental on the house, I get it now. He

00:50:25.650 --> 00:50:28.630
has a car rental that they paid for, that work

00:50:28.630 --> 00:50:32.570
paid for it. Okay. Okay. And I can drive anywhere,

00:50:32.650 --> 00:50:35.010
but I'm staying at the Sheridan Convention Center

00:50:35.010 --> 00:50:37.989
in Overland Park. I was wanting a list of three

00:50:37.989 --> 00:50:41.550
best barbecue places to eat at. I would ask Rob,

00:50:41.630 --> 00:50:43.630
but he hasn't lived in Kansas City in a while.

00:50:43.929 --> 00:50:51.179
Yeah. Patrick, Patrick in Detroit. Okay. Patrick,

00:50:51.619 --> 00:50:57.780
okay, my three main suggestions is I think Kansas

00:50:57.780 --> 00:51:08.219
City Joe's, Jack Stack. Okay. And Slaps. And

00:51:08.219 --> 00:51:11.260
then if you want a fork that's pretty good, you've

00:51:11.260 --> 00:51:12.920
got to watch what you order there because some

00:51:12.920 --> 00:51:15.659
stuff is okay, and then some of it's really good,

00:51:15.679 --> 00:51:18.949
and that's Q39. There's a bunch of other smaller

00:51:18.949 --> 00:51:21.730
places, but those are the most popular places,

00:51:21.789 --> 00:51:25.710
and they're the most numerous. You can, you know,

00:51:25.789 --> 00:51:29.889
Kansas City Joe's has three locations. Q39 has

00:51:29.889 --> 00:51:35.210
two. Jack Stack has six or seven. So you can

00:51:35.210 --> 00:51:37.449
probably find one. I mean, I know there's, you're

00:51:37.449 --> 00:51:39.429
right in between two Jack Stacks where you're

00:51:39.429 --> 00:51:41.690
at at the Sheridan and Overland Park. There's

00:51:41.690 --> 00:51:44.530
one near 95th Street in Metcalf, and then there's

00:51:44.530 --> 00:51:47.610
one in Martin City. And you're about equal distance

00:51:47.610 --> 00:51:49.769
from either one, so whichever one you want to

00:51:49.769 --> 00:51:55.570
go to. Okay, and let me add, since it was for

00:51:55.570 --> 00:51:57.949
you and not me, but I can add something to this.

00:51:57.969 --> 00:52:26.739
Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, it's really good. And when

00:52:26.739 --> 00:52:30.739
you do, get the sides. The sides there are amazing,

00:52:30.760 --> 00:52:34.159
like the onion rings. They're all homemade. They're

00:52:34.159 --> 00:52:40.079
made in -house every morning. And then everything

00:52:40.079 --> 00:52:42.539
else is, I mean, you have everything from seared

00:52:42.539 --> 00:52:46.739
salmon to, I don't know, some sort of a seafood

00:52:46.739 --> 00:52:51.429
salad to just good old -fashioned. spare ribs

00:52:51.429 --> 00:52:54.530
i mean you know it's a great place and then the

00:52:54.530 --> 00:52:58.269
slaps is fantastic their sides are off the hook

00:52:58.269 --> 00:53:00.769
and then their barbecue is really good and they

00:53:00.769 --> 00:53:04.349
have some unique sauces um kansas city joe's

00:53:04.349 --> 00:53:07.010
you can't beat that it's great sauce great food

00:53:07.010 --> 00:53:10.909
um uh try the z man if you're there and that

00:53:10.909 --> 00:53:15.550
is like a uh um it is brisket with provolone

00:53:15.550 --> 00:53:19.659
cheese and onion ring and And let's see, is that

00:53:19.659 --> 00:53:21.760
it? There might be something else on it, but

00:53:21.760 --> 00:53:24.739
it's really good too. So anyhow, but you know

00:53:24.739 --> 00:53:26.119
what? Everybody has their own taste. Just go

00:53:26.119 --> 00:53:27.780
in there and look at the menu. You'll find something

00:53:27.780 --> 00:53:30.139
you like. I guarantee it on all those places.

00:53:32.260 --> 00:53:35.099
Let's see, Mark, when is your booty shorts feed?

00:53:35.519 --> 00:53:38.199
I can't wait to see your white ass in those tight

00:53:38.199 --> 00:53:42.539
shorts. Mitch, waiting for Mark's pale ass shaking

00:53:42.539 --> 00:53:47.099
on video. Mitch, I'm with you. I cannot wait

00:53:47.099 --> 00:53:49.960
to see it either. That's my premium feed, Mitch.

00:53:50.059 --> 00:53:55.380
You're going to have to pay for that. Okay. Yeah.

00:53:55.619 --> 00:54:02.119
And also, I have a new segment. There you go,

00:54:02.199 --> 00:54:08.780
Mitch. I want to do one where I'm... There's

00:54:08.780 --> 00:54:11.840
one where I'm juggling fire. That's the one that

00:54:11.840 --> 00:54:14.460
you want to get. Yeah. Um, it's on channel three

00:54:14.460 --> 00:54:18.760
of my booty shorts. Okay. So you go to my, yeah,

00:54:18.820 --> 00:54:21.079
there's Rob's booty shorts and there's my boob

00:54:21.079 --> 00:54:24.539
booty shorts. And you get, it's, it's kind of

00:54:24.539 --> 00:54:26.380
like a website, you know, you go to each side

00:54:26.380 --> 00:54:29.320
and if you press on Rob's, you see Rob's a booty

00:54:29.320 --> 00:54:31.920
feed. If you go the right, you can see my boobie

00:54:31.920 --> 00:54:35.880
booty feed. So there you go. Um, all right. Thank

00:54:35.880 --> 00:54:39.280
you, Mitch. Glad you're still around. All right.

00:54:39.440 --> 00:54:45.000
I do too. I don't think he hates me anymore,

00:54:45.139 --> 00:54:47.980
if he ever did. But I don't know. All right.

00:54:48.079 --> 00:54:51.460
I can't wait to see him in person. Seriously.

00:54:51.940 --> 00:54:54.340
I haven't seen him in so long. I'm really curious

00:54:54.340 --> 00:55:01.519
what he looks like. Well, let's get our plans

00:55:01.519 --> 00:55:04.900
together, maybe that weekend. That's cool. I

00:55:04.900 --> 00:55:07.320
mean, isn't he like in North Dakota or some shit

00:55:07.320 --> 00:55:09.119
right now or something, or he's living there?

00:55:12.070 --> 00:55:15.449
Mitch, let us know. If you're in town, I think

00:55:15.449 --> 00:55:18.230
it's like... Let Mark know. Let Mark know. Yeah,

00:55:18.230 --> 00:55:20.889
okay. I'll work on that. I'll work on that. Yeah,

00:55:20.949 --> 00:55:24.849
yeah. Okay, next one. Rob, who is the biggest

00:55:24.849 --> 00:55:27.469
celebrity you've ever met besides Jim Baker?

00:55:30.369 --> 00:55:33.429
Oh, it's just somebody that's working. Yes, you

00:55:33.429 --> 00:55:37.789
mentioned Jim Baker a couple of years ago. Yeah.

00:55:39.449 --> 00:55:45.880
And... Shit. There's no name here. Damn it. That's

00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:57.039
fine. That's fine. That's fine. Well, I do. I

00:55:57.039 --> 00:56:12.650
have met some big personalities. No, not governor,

00:56:12.769 --> 00:56:16.210
he was a senator. Or a senator, yeah, because

00:56:16.210 --> 00:56:20.590
his bodyguard lost him and I was up hiring a

00:56:20.590 --> 00:56:22.690
bodyguard and the bodyguard asked me if I could

00:56:22.690 --> 00:56:25.969
find anything. That's not a very good bodyguard.

00:56:26.110 --> 00:56:31.590
That was at a Missouri Public Service gala when

00:56:31.590 --> 00:56:35.130
they all put the big building down, 9th and Baltimore.

00:56:53.500 --> 00:57:01.579
Thank God the drinks were free. Yes. Yeah. All

00:57:01.579 --> 00:57:08.860
right. Actually, I didn't get to meet him when

00:57:08.860 --> 00:57:16.719
I was sitting in the car. My great uncle was

00:57:16.719 --> 00:57:19.780
working at the Capri Lounge in the restaurant.

00:57:24.239 --> 00:57:29.840
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Iola Capri. This was

00:57:29.840 --> 00:58:15.250
back in... I'd say early 80s. Okay. Very cool.

00:58:19.829 --> 00:58:25.909
Yeah. But that was really the closest I got.

00:58:26.909 --> 00:58:31.230
But, I mean, it wasn't no big deal, you know.

00:58:32.130 --> 00:58:37.730
I mean, I did go to his house one day. That's

00:58:37.730 --> 00:58:41.210
cool. All right. Whoever you are, that was a

00:58:41.210 --> 00:59:20.610
great question. Thank you. Oh, okay. well we're

00:59:20.610 --> 00:59:24.389
at the house and he come home he got pissed off

00:59:24.389 --> 00:59:27.250
that two white boys was in his house because

00:59:27.250 --> 00:59:38.429
we were like 24 25 yeah wow okay yeah okay interesting

00:59:48.980 --> 00:59:55.900
True story. Wow. Okay, that's a good story there.

00:59:56.039 --> 00:59:59.320
Wow. Yeah. You want to know about celebrities,

00:59:59.579 --> 01:00:02.739
I bet. There you go. All right. Whoever you are,

01:00:02.780 --> 01:00:04.480
thank you. That was a great question. Yes, thank

01:00:04.480 --> 01:00:10.800
you. All right. Mark, make sure and post your

01:00:10.800 --> 01:00:13.920
Crescent episode when you make it later on this

01:00:13.920 --> 01:00:17.469
year. Instagram, if possible. I'm barred from

01:00:17.469 --> 01:00:21.769
Facebook after I told off an idiot. Ross in Dallas.

01:00:22.150 --> 01:00:30.690
Ross. Sure. Ross, if you send me an email, I

01:00:30.690 --> 01:00:34.230
will email you the whole podcast if you want

01:00:34.230 --> 01:00:38.789
me to. If not, I'll put it on Instagram and Facebook

01:00:38.789 --> 01:00:41.329
and you can catch it off Instagram. But let me

01:00:41.329 --> 01:00:45.250
know who you are on Instagram. And then we can

01:00:45.250 --> 01:00:47.349
communicate a little bit like that if you want,

01:00:47.369 --> 01:00:51.869
besides emails. So thank you, Ross, Rossington.

01:00:52.369 --> 01:00:57.110
Appreciate it. Let's see. How about some new

01:00:57.110 --> 01:01:00.750
Island of Horrible Jokes? Love corny jokes. More

01:01:00.750 --> 01:01:06.210
please. Sally in Ontario. Yeah, I have a list

01:01:06.210 --> 01:01:09.510
of like 30 horrible jokes. I just got to get

01:01:09.510 --> 01:01:13.230
to them. So, yeah, yeah, there's some pretty

01:01:13.230 --> 01:01:16.369
good ones in there. And there's some pretty bad

01:01:16.369 --> 01:01:20.070
ones in there. Yeah, they're good and bad. So,

01:01:20.070 --> 01:01:23.070
you know, they're just your typical dad jokes,

01:01:23.230 --> 01:01:25.170
and that's what it's about. It's like a kind

01:01:25.170 --> 01:01:29.429
of a weird way to do dad jokes. So, all righty.

01:01:29.429 --> 01:01:34.010
And then finally, this one's fucked. Rob, could

01:01:34.010 --> 01:01:37.730
you sew my zipper back into my britches? I know

01:01:37.730 --> 01:01:41.019
you're an expert embroiderer. Timmy in Houston.

01:01:41.719 --> 01:01:47.719
That's a fake name. But anyhow, go ahead. Send

01:01:47.719 --> 01:01:53.159
them up. I'll do it. There you go. Timmy in Houston.

01:01:53.179 --> 01:01:56.820
There you go. Your pants will be saved. I'll

01:01:56.820 --> 01:02:00.420
even stitch your initials on your back pockets.

01:02:00.699 --> 01:02:05.280
Oh, like Jeffy X. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

01:02:05.860 --> 01:02:10.090
Well, there you go. There you go. Hell yeah.

01:02:11.309 --> 01:02:13.969
So, all right, Rob, I think you might have something

01:02:13.969 --> 01:02:18.789
you want to go into. Yeah, you know I do. This

01:02:18.789 --> 01:02:25.269
time of night, I always do. There it is. Yes,

01:02:25.269 --> 01:02:29.349
it's time for Rob's Bag of Garbage. The greatest

01:02:29.349 --> 01:02:33.010
segment ever known to man on any program ever

01:02:33.010 --> 01:02:36.750
in the history of the world. Well, I'm trying.

01:02:37.530 --> 01:02:43.840
Okay. Not trying to make you nervous. Okay, this

01:02:43.840 --> 01:02:46.760
one goes off somebody else's words, like always.

01:02:46.960 --> 01:02:53.500
Okay. Because my wife's not Cheryl. Okay. My

01:02:53.500 --> 01:02:57.440
wife Cheryl often amazes me. Tonight she sent

01:02:57.440 --> 01:03:01.719
me down a rabbit hole that blew my mind. When

01:03:01.719 --> 01:03:05.039
she told me that the nationwide Sarah Cannon

01:03:05.039 --> 01:03:10.820
Cancer Centers were named for and... Initially

01:03:10.820 --> 01:03:18.739
funded by the estate of Sarah Ovila Colley Cannon,

01:03:19.059 --> 01:03:30.800
known to most as Minnie Pearl. She was also an

01:03:30.800 --> 01:03:36.699
influence on the careers of Jeff Foxworthy, Bill

01:03:36.699 --> 01:03:42.989
Engel, Daniel Whitney, a .k .a. Larry the Cable

01:03:42.989 --> 01:03:48.190
Guy, Ron White, and was the inspiration for the

01:03:48.190 --> 01:03:53.889
band song Ophelia and mentioned in Punk Rock

01:03:53.889 --> 01:04:00.090
Girl by the Dead Milkmen. Last time Paul Rumans

01:04:00.090 --> 01:04:05.530
appeared as Pee Wee Herman was at her memorial.

01:04:07.210 --> 01:04:11.130
She was an advocate for women's rights and humans'

01:04:11.289 --> 01:04:19.809
rights. Okay. Yeah. Nice. Okay. Kate Burrell

01:04:19.809 --> 01:04:23.889
was more than what people knew. Oh, yeah. Seriously.

01:04:24.150 --> 01:04:27.550
Yeah. She wasn't just a parody of an old woman.

01:04:28.289 --> 01:04:31.710
No. No. Actually, she was young when she was

01:04:31.710 --> 01:04:39.000
on. Yep. Okay. I'm pretty sure you got another

01:04:39.000 --> 01:04:42.860
story there, don't you? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.

01:04:43.039 --> 01:04:56.380
Alright. Getting up to it. Okay. I'm getting

01:04:56.380 --> 01:05:02.659
there. I'm having a jump between two different...

01:05:05.550 --> 01:05:13.429
my step right now okay oh yeah it was up here

01:05:13.429 --> 01:05:47.929
oh there it is all right Okay. You heard me.

01:05:48.050 --> 01:05:56.809
He has a bed at Amway. There's more. Okay. Doctors

01:05:56.809 --> 01:06:00.510
arrested him into emergency surgery and pulled

01:06:00.510 --> 01:06:08.949
out an 8 -inch live World War I artillery shell

01:06:08.949 --> 01:06:54.769
from 1918. Okay. Wow. What else could you say?

01:06:56.369 --> 01:07:04.070
Nothing, really. An age World War I artillery

01:07:04.070 --> 01:07:10.769
shell. Yeah. I don't understand that, so I don't

01:07:10.769 --> 01:07:13.989
know what to say to it. I would have a buddy

01:07:13.989 --> 01:07:17.800
pull it out before I went to the hospital. Yes.

01:07:18.460 --> 01:07:26.219
I'd make up some other story. Yeah. Wow. All

01:07:26.219 --> 01:07:29.199
right, Rob. Thank you. Let's take our second

01:07:29.199 --> 01:07:32.079
break. And I got some crumb Olympics. You want

01:07:32.079 --> 01:07:36.480
to do that when we come back? I need to, so I

01:07:36.480 --> 01:07:40.780
quit laughs. Yeah, me too. Grenade. What the

01:07:40.780 --> 01:07:45.539
fuck? All right. We'll be right back. Jeez. Next

01:07:45.539 --> 01:07:50.059
up, things overheard in town. Joe Buck and Corey

01:07:50.059 --> 01:07:54.420
Aikman are doing all televised and radio games

01:07:54.420 --> 01:07:59.679
of the NFL this year. Hey, if you're a fan of

01:07:59.679 --> 01:08:01.920
paying way too much for trinkets and food, well,

01:08:01.980 --> 01:08:04.579
your wish is coming true. Kansas City International

01:08:04.579 --> 01:08:07.179
Airport Guest Pass program is starting today.

01:08:07.659 --> 01:08:10.800
Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets

01:08:10.800 --> 01:08:14.260
and $15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50

01:08:14.260 --> 01:08:17.079
cheap t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building

01:08:17.079 --> 01:08:20.439
image on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue

01:08:20.439 --> 01:08:23.399
sauce gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40

01:08:23.399 --> 01:08:26.180
and you're first born. Hurry. You know rubes

01:08:26.180 --> 01:08:28.340
are jumping all over to get to this complete

01:08:28.340 --> 01:08:33.439
rip -off. Because people are cheap. Sir, I see

01:08:33.439 --> 01:08:36.079
your qualifications here. May I ask some further

01:08:36.079 --> 01:08:38.279
questions that could help me determine your employment

01:08:38.279 --> 01:08:42.159
eligibility? Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you

01:08:42.159 --> 01:08:44.579
can see here, we have a large population of different

01:08:44.579 --> 01:08:49.039
ethnic backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are

01:08:49.039 --> 01:08:52.260
you by chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure

01:08:52.260 --> 01:08:54.840
why you need that kind of information, but, well,

01:08:54.920 --> 01:08:58.300
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

01:08:58.300 --> 01:09:05.899
it experimental. Hey there, fuckstick. You're

01:09:05.899 --> 01:09:08.100
just in time for brand new feature news nobody

01:09:08.100 --> 01:09:12.060
gives a shit about. A California girl just got

01:09:12.060 --> 01:09:17.399
enlightened to carry a unicorn. Hello, this is

01:09:17.399 --> 01:09:21.500
Phineas J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver your

01:09:21.500 --> 01:09:28.380
music news this evening. Faith No More and Mr.

01:09:28.420 --> 01:09:31.500
Bungle lead singer Mike Patton was falsely identified

01:09:31.500 --> 01:09:35.140
as a sexual predator in Ohio. A person that has

01:09:35.140 --> 01:09:37.680
Mike's same name confused Google AI and then

01:09:37.680 --> 01:09:40.680
identified the singer as a predator. Mike Patton,

01:09:40.680 --> 01:09:43.340
the singer, is working on getting the false information

01:09:43.340 --> 01:09:46.840
scrubbed off the internet. This is only the tip

01:09:46.840 --> 01:09:50.859
of the iceberg. This is Phineas J. Baltaris III.

01:09:52.520 --> 01:09:54.960
That has been your music news for this evening.

01:09:55.640 --> 01:09:59.260
I have one burning question for you all. Do people

01:09:59.260 --> 01:10:04.180
really skip around the Maypole? Since the dawn

01:10:04.180 --> 01:10:07.140
of time, weird shit has happened. Strange occurrences.

01:10:07.619 --> 01:10:10.420
Unexplained phobias. and other odd happenings

01:10:10.420 --> 01:10:12.859
over the next minute we would like to bring you

01:10:12.859 --> 01:10:17.220
odd rare phobias and conditions harlequin ichthyosis

01:10:17.220 --> 01:10:19.739
is a genetic disorder that babies are born with

01:10:19.739 --> 01:10:22.000
a thickened skin nearly over its entire body

01:10:22.000 --> 01:10:25.000
the skin forms a large diamond trapezoid rectangle

01:10:25.000 --> 01:10:27.760
shaped plates that are separated by deep cracks

01:10:27.760 --> 01:10:30.819
these affect the shape of the eyelids nose ears

01:10:30.819 --> 01:10:33.239
mouth and limit the movement of the arms and

01:10:33.239 --> 01:10:36.180
legs there are treatment options finally the

01:10:36.180 --> 01:10:52.949
survival rate is much higher My mechanic told

01:10:52.949 --> 01:10:57.229
me I couldn't repair your brakes. So I made you

01:10:57.229 --> 01:11:01.810
a horn ladder. Good job. I think that me and

01:11:01.810 --> 01:11:04.210
Davey, my friend that I refer to often, played...

01:11:05.680 --> 01:11:08.119
The old Bannister Mall, remember that? Oh, yeah.

01:11:08.359 --> 01:11:11.359
Oh, yeah. Boy, that was an area for a lot of

01:11:11.359 --> 01:11:13.600
fucking fun. We used to get away with murder

01:11:13.600 --> 01:11:15.659
at that place. We had done the stupidest shit.

01:11:16.079 --> 01:11:18.800
Well, there was a security guard, a little short

01:11:18.800 --> 01:11:21.520
little fucker, kind of a little dumpy little

01:11:21.520 --> 01:11:24.640
guy named Sam. And he hated us longhairs. We

01:11:24.640 --> 01:11:26.180
were in there getting all the chicks, and he

01:11:26.180 --> 01:11:29.340
didn't fucking like it. Sam used to always try

01:11:29.340 --> 01:11:32.039
to get me kicked out. And Davey, too, but more

01:11:32.039 --> 01:11:35.369
me. He really hated me for some reason. So he'd

01:11:35.369 --> 01:11:38.029
always screw with me. He got me kicked out for

01:11:38.029 --> 01:11:41.430
about two weeks. Then we went to court, and then

01:11:41.430 --> 01:11:43.289
the judge said, you can't kick him out. It's

01:11:43.289 --> 01:11:48.109
a public mall. Yeah. So anyhow, you know, one

01:11:48.109 --> 01:11:51.770
of the biggest ways to sell a hoax is to, we

01:11:51.770 --> 01:11:54.189
found this out, was to have a setup guy that

01:11:54.189 --> 01:11:57.729
no one knew. Just a guy to confirm what you're

01:11:57.729 --> 01:12:00.489
saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did see that

01:12:00.489 --> 01:12:03.369
monkey. Over there, yeah. Last I saw him, he

01:12:03.369 --> 01:12:05.229
was on top of that building, and he was throwing

01:12:05.229 --> 01:12:07.149
shit at somebody. The random witness you see

01:12:07.149 --> 01:12:08.689
who disappears. The random witness, yes. Yes.

01:12:09.409 --> 01:12:15.810
So, this guy, okay, this is Bannister Mall, early

01:12:15.810 --> 01:12:19.069
1980s. Me and my good buddy Davey were hanging

01:12:19.069 --> 01:12:22.770
out, and we were crazy long hairs that, you know,

01:12:22.770 --> 01:12:24.829
the average teen would follow, you know, because

01:12:24.829 --> 01:12:27.600
we're long hairs. We're kind of like the Pied

01:12:27.600 --> 01:12:30.659
Piper of teens. People used to look at us and

01:12:30.659 --> 01:12:32.960
go, well, there's the party. Let's just follow

01:12:32.960 --> 01:12:35.859
them around until they go to it. I've done that.

01:12:36.060 --> 01:12:38.760
Yeah, they used to do it all the time. We'd be

01:12:38.760 --> 01:12:41.000
like, where are you guys going? Cleveland? Ohio?

01:12:41.220 --> 01:12:43.439
No, Missouri. That guy looks like he might have

01:12:43.439 --> 01:12:46.859
beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they'd just start

01:12:46.859 --> 01:12:48.760
following us, and that's just the way it were,

01:12:48.859 --> 01:12:51.329
and then we'd all introduce the day. Hey, I'm

01:12:51.329 --> 01:12:54.369
so -and -so, I'm so -and -so. We'd have a good

01:12:54.369 --> 01:12:57.850
time, Cleveland Lake or something. Slamming beers,

01:12:57.930 --> 01:13:01.409
doing stupid shit. So Davey and I had certain

01:13:01.409 --> 01:13:03.750
buddies that would walk up and hear the bullshit

01:13:03.750 --> 01:13:06.170
that we're spewing and then help seal the deal.

01:13:06.350 --> 01:13:10.149
They'd sell it completely. One guy that walked

01:13:10.149 --> 01:13:14.270
around to help us was a punker named Jason. Jason

01:13:14.270 --> 01:13:16.489
was really cool because he looked like the type

01:13:16.489 --> 01:13:20.039
of guy that wouldn't like us. But we got to talking

01:13:20.039 --> 01:13:23.939
to him and we saw eye to eye on everything except

01:13:23.939 --> 01:13:26.760
music. Everything else we were the same, you

01:13:26.760 --> 01:13:29.859
know. Fuck society, fuck the average guy, fuck

01:13:29.859 --> 01:13:32.460
this, fuck that, you know. But when it came to

01:13:32.460 --> 01:13:34.119
music, you know, we're like fucking listening

01:13:34.119 --> 01:13:36.239
to Motley Crue and shit like that. And he was

01:13:36.239 --> 01:13:41.819
listening to, I don't know, the Ramones or even

01:13:41.819 --> 01:13:44.619
deeper than that, you know, Dick Kennedy's The

01:13:44.619 --> 01:13:50.329
Germs. Television. Yeah. Yeah, he was a real

01:13:50.329 --> 01:13:55.909
punker. Yeah. He had an orange mohawk. Sweet.

01:13:56.270 --> 01:14:02.789
Or black spike leather. And Doc Martens. So,

01:14:02.909 --> 01:14:05.069
I mean, you know, you got the guy, right? You

01:14:05.069 --> 01:14:09.109
know who I'm talking about. So, great guy, though.

01:14:09.149 --> 01:14:11.369
I'd love to know what happened to him. So, Jason,

01:14:11.449 --> 01:14:13.369
if you happen to hear this abortion, please,

01:14:13.489 --> 01:14:16.470
oh, I guess that's a bad word now, isn't it?

01:14:16.859 --> 01:14:20.600
Oh. This atrocity. There we go. If you happen

01:14:20.600 --> 01:14:22.840
to hear this horrible atrocity, then, you know,

01:14:22.840 --> 01:14:26.779
hey, send us an email. Yeah. And I forgot what

01:14:26.779 --> 01:14:30.779
the valid email is, so. We put so many bullshit

01:14:30.779 --> 01:14:33.220
ones out there, we can't remember our real one.

01:14:33.279 --> 01:14:35.899
I know. There is a valid one, and I can't remember

01:14:35.899 --> 01:14:40.359
what the hell it is. We also have an actual real

01:14:40.359 --> 01:14:42.939
phone number. Hell if I know that one either.

01:14:44.239 --> 01:14:46.300
Yeah, so I can't even remember the real one.

01:14:46.439 --> 01:14:52.500
There you go. Show prep. Yeah. Here I was talking

01:14:52.500 --> 01:14:54.479
about show prep and making a big deal out of

01:14:54.479 --> 01:14:58.500
it, and I can't even remember our email. So,

01:14:58.520 --> 01:15:01.079
anyhow, meanwhile, there's this one security

01:15:01.079 --> 01:15:03.420
guard named Sam that I kind of alluded to or

01:15:03.420 --> 01:15:06.180
actually went into a little bit. Sam was a jealous

01:15:06.180 --> 01:15:10.029
little pussy bitch. He constantly tried to get

01:15:10.029 --> 01:15:11.670
me kicked out and barred from the mall. And like

01:15:11.670 --> 01:15:13.989
I said earlier, he did for a while, for a couple

01:15:13.989 --> 01:15:16.529
of weeks. And we went to court. I got back in,

01:15:16.590 --> 01:15:19.689
which really fumed his ass, burned his ass. Because

01:15:19.689 --> 01:15:22.069
every time I seen him, I was like overzealous

01:15:22.069 --> 01:15:25.449
about him. Hi, Sam, how are you? You came over

01:15:25.449 --> 01:15:27.770
for dinner tonight, little guy? A little tiny

01:15:27.770 --> 01:15:30.489
bit of authority he had, and it was gone. You

01:15:30.489 --> 01:15:35.029
look cute today. I beeped his nose one time,

01:15:35.050 --> 01:15:39.130
and he cut about what? Unglued. So, you know,

01:15:39.130 --> 01:15:41.310
me and Davey used to play Moon Tricks on Sam

01:15:41.310 --> 01:15:45.010
constantly. Sounds like he deserved it. Oh, he

01:15:45.010 --> 01:15:48.250
did, you know. So we quickly went to Jason to

01:15:48.250 --> 01:15:51.970
be the casual guy walking by to sell it. So Jason's

01:15:51.970 --> 01:15:53.810
over in the corner where the movement theaters

01:15:53.810 --> 01:15:56.890
upstairs used to be because then they went downstairs

01:15:56.890 --> 01:15:58.970
for a while and then they disappeared. Oh, yeah.

01:15:58.989 --> 01:16:01.250
Yeah, they used to be upstairs, mid -upstairs.

01:16:01.949 --> 01:16:04.590
So I think right across from Food Court maybe.

01:16:05.100 --> 01:16:07.239
If I remember correctly. Well, now in my mind

01:16:07.239 --> 01:16:09.640
I'm getting confused with Ward Parkway because

01:16:09.640 --> 01:16:11.899
their movie theater shifted around a bit, too.

01:16:12.619 --> 01:16:15.060
Okay, well, anyhow, this is when they were upstairs

01:16:15.060 --> 01:16:18.060
because I remember that part well because people

01:16:18.060 --> 01:16:20.600
were coming in to go to the movies and were screwing

01:16:20.600 --> 01:16:23.460
with them. Yeah. So Davey and I set this one

01:16:23.460 --> 01:16:27.220
up perfectly. We had a buddy that he won a backstage

01:16:27.220 --> 01:16:33.770
pass to Great White. I'll remember that. It's

01:16:33.770 --> 01:16:36.609
a video shoot, okay? As an extra. Oh, that'd

01:16:36.609 --> 01:16:40.170
be cool. Yeah. And he was in it. I don't know

01:16:40.170 --> 01:16:42.090
if it was once bit or something else, but he

01:16:42.090 --> 01:16:45.890
was in it. And on the back was stamped used.

01:16:46.430 --> 01:16:51.029
But on the front, it had an MTV logo. It didn't

01:16:51.029 --> 01:16:53.710
have a specific band. It didn't say Great White.

01:16:53.869 --> 01:16:57.619
It just said, Extra for MTV Video Shoot. And

01:16:57.619 --> 01:17:00.220
I remember really well it was green with an orange

01:17:00.220 --> 01:17:03.340
MTV on it with her famous logo. Yeah. It was

01:17:03.340 --> 01:17:05.239
really cool looking and it was like made with

01:17:05.239 --> 01:17:11.699
some sort of a really thick paper and it was

01:17:11.699 --> 01:17:15.020
engraved, I guess. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was raised.

01:17:15.100 --> 01:17:17.260
It felt great. It felt like the seal of something.

01:17:17.680 --> 01:17:20.079
Embossed paper. Embossed. Raised printing. Raised

01:17:20.079 --> 01:17:22.420
printing, whatever. Makes it a lot harder to

01:17:22.420 --> 01:17:25.510
counterfeit. Plus it makes it look cool. So our

01:17:25.510 --> 01:17:27.470
friend agreed to let us borrow this for a little

01:17:27.470 --> 01:17:29.670
while. We got it back to him like we said. We

01:17:29.670 --> 01:17:33.090
didn't tear it up or steal it or nothing. Davey

01:17:33.090 --> 01:17:34.770
started waving the card in the air and making

01:17:34.770 --> 01:17:38.250
fun of me because he got this and I didn't. He

01:17:38.250 --> 01:17:42.689
was like, hey, I'm going to be on this whatever.

01:17:45.690 --> 01:17:47.489
You're looking around going, I'm going to be

01:17:47.489 --> 01:17:48.949
on the video and you're not because you're too

01:17:48.949 --> 01:17:51.590
stupid and you couldn't win and all this stuff,

01:17:51.689 --> 01:17:55.329
right? So this magical card was supposed to be

01:17:55.329 --> 01:17:59.029
a freebie to be an extra on the set of MTV. This

01:17:59.029 --> 01:18:01.609
is what we set it up to be, right? A list of

01:18:01.609 --> 01:18:05.090
hundreds of bands, the secret MTV guy walking

01:18:05.090 --> 01:18:07.829
around, he was walking around the mall and this

01:18:07.829 --> 01:18:10.670
was going to be Sam eventually. So the secret

01:18:10.670 --> 01:18:13.710
MTV guy that has these free magical passes was

01:18:13.710 --> 01:18:17.680
Sam, only he didn't know it. So Davey's like,

01:18:17.699 --> 01:18:21.279
and I'm like, fucking asshole. Yeah, all this

01:18:21.279 --> 01:18:24.659
stuff. So automatically, see people getting ready

01:18:24.659 --> 01:18:26.760
to walk in, right? Getting ready to go to a movie,

01:18:26.800 --> 01:18:30.960
they're like, yeah, just like magnetic, they're

01:18:30.960 --> 01:18:33.899
just staring at us. And Davey's like, and all

01:18:33.899 --> 01:18:35.840
this stuff. I'm like, man, that sucks, man. You

01:18:35.840 --> 01:18:38.640
get to go and I don't. So Davey is waving this

01:18:38.640 --> 01:18:40.939
around, making fun of me, and Jason will walk

01:18:40.939 --> 01:18:44.100
by. They go, yeah, I fucking won one too, but

01:18:44.100 --> 01:18:45.739
I threw it at them because there's no punk bands

01:18:45.739 --> 01:18:49.340
on it. Fuck that. I don't want to go. So all

01:18:49.340 --> 01:18:51.180
of a sudden, those kids are fucking coming over

01:18:51.180 --> 01:18:56.939
there. What was this? That's so clever. Oh, yeah.

01:18:57.779 --> 01:19:02.720
We set it up perfect. So the reason that we picked

01:19:02.720 --> 01:19:06.319
Sam to do this on that day was because we had

01:19:06.319 --> 01:19:08.520
the card for a couple of days. He was wearing

01:19:08.520 --> 01:19:10.960
plain clothes. And I guess he thought he was

01:19:10.960 --> 01:19:13.060
going to catch shoplifters or something not wearing

01:19:13.060 --> 01:19:15.060
his little fucking bitch outfit that he normally

01:19:15.060 --> 01:19:20.819
wore. So Jason, instead of us, goes, yeah, that

01:19:20.819 --> 01:19:22.659
fucking little douche right there is the one.

01:19:22.760 --> 01:19:25.020
That's the secret MTV guy. We didn't even say

01:19:25.020 --> 01:19:27.640
it. He did it. It sold it even more. Because

01:19:27.640 --> 01:19:30.359
all these teens are like, you know, fucking their

01:19:30.359 --> 01:19:32.539
heads spun around and they're staring at him.

01:19:33.979 --> 01:19:37.720
So Jason said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I bit him

01:19:37.720 --> 01:19:43.779
on the ear to get one. So the story was this.

01:19:44.079 --> 01:19:46.399
It's getting better and better. The more outrageous

01:19:46.399 --> 01:19:49.300
you were, the more likely you were to get a free

01:19:49.300 --> 01:19:54.020
pass on MTV. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah. So automatically

01:19:54.020 --> 01:19:57.680
he had like 50 teens jumping in front of him,

01:19:57.739 --> 01:20:00.359
fucking biting his ear, kicking him in the ass.

01:20:00.600 --> 01:20:03.239
One guy was clucking like a chicken in his face.

01:20:03.539 --> 01:20:07.020
Another guy's like, look, I'm a bird. Some guy

01:20:07.020 --> 01:20:10.500
fucking jumped off to one side. Another guy ripped

01:20:10.500 --> 01:20:12.899
off one of the trees and hit him with a switch.

01:20:14.539 --> 01:20:18.180
And Sam was just fucking freaking out, man. He's

01:20:18.180 --> 01:20:19.720
like, what the fuck? And they're like, we want

01:20:19.720 --> 01:20:22.000
a pass. We want a pass. He's like, what pass?

01:20:22.579 --> 01:20:25.619
This probably went on for fucking 25 minutes.

01:20:25.960 --> 01:20:29.180
He was losing his mind. Yes, he was. He didn't

01:20:29.180 --> 01:20:30.359
know what was going on. What planet did I wake

01:20:30.359 --> 01:20:32.840
up on? He'd get 10 teams away from him, right?

01:20:33.420 --> 01:20:37.479
And then you have 10 more teams attacking. So,

01:20:37.479 --> 01:20:40.810
look, we leave. We let this go on and let it

01:20:40.810 --> 01:20:43.029
go downhill. And those teams told another one,

01:20:43.069 --> 01:20:44.630
get the pass from that fucker. He didn't give

01:20:44.630 --> 01:20:47.529
us anything. So this just kept rolling on and

01:20:47.529 --> 01:20:51.840
rolling on and rolling on. We come back a couple

01:20:51.840 --> 01:20:54.300
hours later. Oh, no, I know what we did. We went

01:20:54.300 --> 01:20:57.039
to Andy's Santa Fe and had a burrito. I remember

01:20:57.039 --> 01:20:59.220
the Andy's. We weren't even old enough to drink,

01:20:59.220 --> 01:21:01.319
but we still did because they never carded there.

01:21:01.640 --> 01:21:04.180
We both had margaritas. We were fucking laughing

01:21:04.180 --> 01:21:06.880
at our feet on the table and shit. Davey had

01:21:06.880 --> 01:21:08.859
fucking flip -flops on, so they eventually got

01:21:08.859 --> 01:21:11.239
mad and kicked us out because you could see his

01:21:11.239 --> 01:21:15.479
toenails hanging out. People did like that. So,

01:21:15.479 --> 01:21:18.439
hey, we get back in, and all of a sudden we see

01:21:18.439 --> 01:21:20.680
Sam coming by, all disheveled. By this time,

01:21:20.699 --> 01:21:22.840
everything was gone. It was all said and done.

01:21:23.239 --> 01:21:26.319
I go, hey, Sam, do you want to know where all

01:21:26.319 --> 01:21:30.359
that came from? Us. Davey pulled out the card

01:21:30.359 --> 01:21:32.319
and said, see this? I go, yeah, you just been

01:21:32.319 --> 01:21:34.699
had, bitch. Oh, he was fucking furious. He turned

01:21:34.699 --> 01:21:36.699
around and said, you motherfucker, I'm going

01:21:36.699 --> 01:21:38.279
to get you out of here. I'm going to get you

01:21:38.279 --> 01:21:41.359
guys kicked out for good. I go, what for? I didn't

01:21:41.359 --> 01:21:44.729
do anything against them all. We didn't get kicked

01:21:44.729 --> 01:21:50.289
out. That was one of the best fucking breaks

01:21:50.289 --> 01:21:52.310
we ever played. It was brilliant. And I just

01:21:52.310 --> 01:21:53.909
thought about it the other day. I'm like, my

01:21:53.909 --> 01:21:58.489
God. There are some other ones I've got to remember

01:21:58.489 --> 01:22:03.729
that we did to him, too. And then I got another

01:22:03.729 --> 01:22:07.770
one. You listen to the solo cast, right? I'm

01:22:07.770 --> 01:22:10.029
going to tell the story about the nutbiter. Oh,

01:22:10.029 --> 01:22:13.500
yes. Oh, gosh. Have you ever wondered what something

01:22:13.500 --> 01:22:15.760
came about? Have you ever looked at something

01:22:15.760 --> 01:22:17.880
and said, Hey, I wonder what the origin of that

01:22:17.880 --> 01:22:21.539
is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you

01:22:21.539 --> 01:22:26.539
The Origin Of. This is the origin of Rob Rad's

01:22:26.539 --> 01:22:30.520
loincloth. Rob used to strip in a nightclub called

01:22:30.520 --> 01:22:33.479
McCock's on the city's east side. Rob was the

01:22:33.479 --> 01:22:36.260
only completely new dancer at the club. The other

01:22:36.260 --> 01:22:38.279
dancers were jealous of Rob making all the cash

01:22:38.279 --> 01:22:41.029
and made him use a loincloth to dance with. Rob

01:22:41.029 --> 01:22:43.550
soon had to wear his loincloth daily. He found

01:22:43.550 --> 01:22:45.289
out that he could get out of traffic tickets,

01:22:45.430 --> 01:22:47.970
sell vinyl siding, and pick up hotties at the

01:22:47.970 --> 01:22:50.670
come and go. Rob now wears his loincloth everywhere

01:22:50.670 --> 01:22:53.949
except work. Sparks plus pubic hair equals to

01:22:53.949 --> 01:22:56.750
bad things. Have you ever wondered what something

01:22:56.750 --> 01:22:58.989
came about? Have you ever looked at something

01:22:58.989 --> 01:23:01.109
and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that

01:23:01.109 --> 01:23:04.829
is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you

01:23:04.829 --> 01:23:11.380
The Origin Of. The origin of the goatee. The

01:23:11.380 --> 01:23:13.439
goatee is a beard style that dates back to ancient

01:23:13.439 --> 01:23:16.579
Greece and Rome and is named for its resemblance

01:23:16.579 --> 01:23:20.039
to a goat's beard. The goatee has been worn by

01:23:20.039 --> 01:23:22.000
many famous men throughout history, including

01:23:22.000 --> 01:23:26.039
Uncle Sam, Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock. The

01:23:26.039 --> 01:23:28.539
gobham was often depicted with a goatee, and

01:23:28.539 --> 01:23:31.100
in medieval and renaissance art, Satan was depicted

01:23:31.100 --> 01:23:34.180
with a goatee as well. The goatee became popular

01:23:34.180 --> 01:23:38.369
again in 1940s. as a defining trait of the beatniks

01:23:38.369 --> 01:23:41.050
and jazz musicians. It fell out of favor again

01:23:41.050 --> 01:23:43.869
in the 1960s, but became fashionable again in

01:23:43.869 --> 01:23:47.310
the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee originated

01:23:47.310 --> 01:23:50.489
in the late 20th century. It was originally called

01:23:50.489 --> 01:24:04.109
a goatee. My name is Mark at the Talk is Cheap

01:24:04.109 --> 01:24:12.729
studio. And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri,

01:24:13.069 --> 01:24:19.329
population 377, home of the Lucas Oil Speedway

01:24:19.329 --> 01:24:23.229
and Water Track, and also home of Hickam Outcountry

01:24:23.229 --> 01:24:26.050
Store, where you can find all your needs, including

01:24:26.050 --> 01:24:30.750
a selfie with the green Sinclair dinosaur, and

01:24:30.750 --> 01:24:35.270
a car wash to shelter your car in a heel store.

01:24:40.229 --> 01:24:46.250
Yes, and it did work. It worked. Yeah, it is.

01:24:46.289 --> 01:24:51.409
It is. I like it. Okay, I'm not sure where we

01:24:51.409 --> 01:24:55.289
left off, but I'm going to keep going on. A little

01:24:55.289 --> 01:24:58.909
bit of software problem there. Okay, we have

01:24:58.909 --> 01:25:02.539
some crumb Olympics, Rob. So once again, we had

01:25:02.539 --> 01:25:05.520
some technical errors and hopefully we have these

01:25:05.520 --> 01:25:08.920
things figured out now. So I'm going to go into

01:25:08.920 --> 01:25:13.060
the Crumb Olympics. That sound good? Sounds good.

01:25:13.319 --> 01:25:17.939
All right. Crumb Olympics were invented a couple

01:25:17.939 --> 01:25:21.640
of years ago, maybe. And I was like sitting there,

01:25:21.659 --> 01:25:24.079
I was going through Costco and I was like, hmm.

01:25:24.989 --> 01:25:27.850
Oh, no, no, that was the, hang on, that was the

01:25:27.850 --> 01:25:30.529
Fruit Olympics and the Food Olympics and all

01:25:30.529 --> 01:25:33.010
that. Crumb Olympics, I'm not sure where it came

01:25:33.010 --> 01:25:36.369
from, I'm sorry. Crumb Olympics, I don't know.

01:25:36.510 --> 01:25:39.350
Yeah, that was more recent. Yeah, it was, that's

01:25:39.350 --> 01:25:42.489
right. The Food Olympics was a couple of years

01:25:42.489 --> 01:25:45.130
ago, and then we progressed into the Crumb Olympics.

01:25:45.210 --> 01:25:47.489
And, you know, sometimes, you know, you eat something

01:25:47.489 --> 01:25:50.109
and the crumbs are better than the actual main

01:25:50.109 --> 01:25:59.229
course, right? Exactly, I mean. and what is for

01:25:59.229 --> 01:26:03.850
a while so now we got crumbs yeah yeah so we're

01:26:03.850 --> 01:26:06.609
what we're trying to do is we're we're pitting

01:26:06.609 --> 01:26:08.710
these crumbs that we know tastes really good

01:26:08.710 --> 01:26:11.989
we're pitting them against each other and then

01:26:11.989 --> 01:26:14.350
we're going to vote and figure out which one

01:26:14.350 --> 01:26:17.350
we like better so here's an example this is the

01:26:17.350 --> 01:26:21.590
first one right here an asper an apple crisp

01:26:21.590 --> 01:26:28.340
against um or a cobbler topping versus a ginger

01:26:28.340 --> 01:26:32.760
snap crumbs so that's pretty much an apple crisp

01:26:32.760 --> 01:26:39.899
crumbs versus ginger snap crumbs me too i'm not

01:26:39.899 --> 01:26:43.579
that big of a ginger snap fan so okay i like

01:26:43.579 --> 01:26:45.899
that i think that's great and let me get a pen

01:26:45.899 --> 01:26:49.039
so i can start marking these things off so i

01:26:49.039 --> 01:26:52.109
remember what is what So, give me one second,

01:26:52.189 --> 01:26:54.069
and the mic's going to make a horrible sound,

01:26:54.210 --> 01:26:56.989
because I've got to move it real quick. But,

01:26:57.029 --> 01:26:59.010
oh shit, there we go. We're not going to hear

01:26:59.010 --> 01:27:05.590
it, but you are out there. Unprepared is my name,

01:27:05.609 --> 01:27:10.810
and I don't give a shit. Okay, now, scratch off

01:27:10.810 --> 01:27:15.109
the... We're doing this after work. Yes. Yep.

01:27:16.930 --> 01:27:22.050
Alright, so, the second one. coffee cake streusel

01:27:22.050 --> 01:27:25.770
versus raspberry zinger crumbs oh that's a tough

01:27:25.770 --> 01:27:31.170
one i'm gonna say coffee cake strudel myself

01:27:31.170 --> 01:27:40.010
but i mean raspberry zinger is pretty okay yeah

01:27:40.010 --> 01:27:44.590
to me uh coffee craig coffee cake strudel yeah

01:27:44.590 --> 01:27:50.260
is always good where i mean uh the uh Raspberry

01:27:50.260 --> 01:27:52.399
zingers are more of a stoner thing, right? You

01:27:52.399 --> 01:27:54.739
get fucking blasted and you're like, man, what

01:27:54.739 --> 01:28:01.979
sounds good? Yeah, yep, that's true. All right,

01:28:02.100 --> 01:28:05.220
the next one on the docket here is baked mac

01:28:05.220 --> 01:28:08.399
and cheese crust. You know the crust, right?

01:28:08.739 --> 01:28:11.600
That caramelized part on the top is so fucking

01:28:11.600 --> 01:28:15.880
delicious. Versus the sausage salami and cheese

01:28:15.880 --> 01:28:23.869
crumbs of a stromboli. I'm going to say baked

01:28:23.869 --> 01:28:27.710
mac and cheese. Yeah, all right. We are on the

01:28:27.710 --> 01:28:32.069
same page all the way tonight, Rob, so far. Let

01:28:32.069 --> 01:28:52.709
me get her out of that guy. Yes, I'm sorry. Oh,

01:28:52.709 --> 01:28:55.890
okay. Oh, and then we went and bought my mother

01:28:55.890 --> 01:28:58.670
-in -law a puppy for her birthday tomorrow. Oh,

01:28:58.670 --> 01:29:01.529
that's cool. Yeah. Very cool of you. And then

01:29:01.529 --> 01:29:07.109
I finally got around to the podcast. Yeah, sounds

01:29:07.109 --> 01:29:11.850
like a hectic day. Yeah. It's a cool day, isn't

01:29:11.850 --> 01:29:16.989
it? Yep, for you. Nacho cheese Doritos versus

01:29:16.989 --> 01:29:21.680
extra toasty Cheez -Its. I'm going to say the

01:29:21.680 --> 01:29:27.000
Doritos. All right, cool. We are completely on

01:29:27.000 --> 01:29:34.819
the same page tonight. All right. Next one. Pretzel,

01:29:34.819 --> 01:29:40.000
salt, and shards versus onion ring crumbs. Onion

01:29:40.000 --> 01:29:48.760
rings. Yep. All right. Yep. Now, if you had that

01:29:48.760 --> 01:29:51.859
Bavarian mustard with it, that would make it

01:29:51.859 --> 01:29:57.600
a little bit harder. Waffle cone crumbs versus

01:29:57.600 --> 01:30:04.460
banana bread crumbs. Banana bread. Yeah, as much

01:30:04.460 --> 01:30:06.260
as I love waffle cones, I'm going to have to

01:30:06.260 --> 01:30:11.020
go with banana bread. Oh, I do too. Banana bread

01:30:11.020 --> 01:30:14.899
is just fucking insanely good. Yes. All right.

01:30:16.000 --> 01:30:19.460
Cheesecake. crust versus beef beret taco crumbs

01:30:19.460 --> 01:30:27.899
cheesecake yeah all right and let's see if we

01:30:27.899 --> 01:30:32.819
go uh a straight sweep here where we both agree

01:30:32.819 --> 01:30:36.720
with all of them for once um how about brownie

01:30:36.720 --> 01:30:40.979
edge crumbs versus cinnamon bun crumbs what is

01:30:40.979 --> 01:30:51.819
this cinnamon bun to me Yeah, I do too. Cinnamon

01:30:51.819 --> 01:30:59.000
bun, yep. All right, that's a clean sweep. We

01:30:59.000 --> 01:31:09.899
have a sweep. Yay. Yay. All right, Rob, you know

01:31:09.899 --> 01:31:11.699
what that means? That means we can go to you.

01:31:11.739 --> 01:31:50.630
You got something. All righty. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

01:31:50.630 --> 01:32:07.520
Okay. Okay. $65 ordered dominoes, and they would

01:32:07.520 --> 01:32:13.539
not take a $100 bill. Is that like, I got a question

01:32:13.539 --> 01:32:18.439
if you have the answer. Okay. Is that like the

01:32:18.439 --> 01:32:20.720
rules of that place? Because some places don't

01:32:20.720 --> 01:32:23.899
want money on hand, that much money. Okay, okay.

01:32:24.000 --> 01:32:29.239
That's a policy. Okay. Let's see, the thing is,

01:32:29.359 --> 01:32:37.350
he picked it up. I'm guessing. Well, I don't

01:32:37.350 --> 01:32:41.909
know. I don't know. Maybe it was a delivery driver.

01:32:43.829 --> 01:32:51.829
But yeah, it goes into that. Actually, it sounded

01:32:51.829 --> 01:32:56.789
like that was it. I thought he went into the

01:32:56.789 --> 01:33:34.399
store. Okay. Okay. Mm -hmm. Got me going and

01:33:34.399 --> 01:33:38.539
I'm reading. Yeah. Store policies. They don't

01:33:38.539 --> 01:33:40.300
want that much money on hand because they're

01:33:40.300 --> 01:33:45.199
afraid someone's going to rob them. And also,

01:33:45.260 --> 01:33:48.039
sometimes criminals will come up there and have

01:33:48.039 --> 01:33:51.420
you break a bill just to see what you have in

01:33:51.420 --> 01:33:53.579
the cash register to sum up whether they're going

01:33:53.579 --> 01:33:59.640
to waste their time or not. Right. So. You know,

01:33:59.680 --> 01:34:10.579
all I had was $100. Mm -hmm. No, I get it. And

01:34:10.579 --> 01:34:13.500
there was a $35 change. All he has to give me

01:34:13.500 --> 01:34:17.039
is store credit, whatever. You know, let's make

01:34:17.039 --> 01:34:19.359
this good. He's trying to buy his workers lunch.

01:34:19.840 --> 01:34:25.319
Mm -hmm. You know? But no, this was at the store.

01:34:27.060 --> 01:34:30.960
Okay, you see, a delivery driver, I can understand.

01:34:31.979 --> 01:34:37.310
I cannot understand this at the store. $45 a

01:34:37.310 --> 01:34:42.770
change in the store? Come on, Mark. No, you're

01:34:42.770 --> 01:34:50.850
right. You're right. Come on. Yeah. That's...

01:34:50.850 --> 01:34:54.810
And his biggest complaint is the customer service.

01:34:55.229 --> 01:34:58.810
I get it. Yeah, I get that. Because they were

01:34:58.810 --> 01:35:13.850
totally... And he's like, what the hell? I get

01:35:13.850 --> 01:35:16.069
it now. I get what he's saying, and I agree with

01:35:16.069 --> 01:35:18.069
him now. I didn't get the full story before.

01:35:18.170 --> 01:35:21.590
I was, okay. Yeah, no, it was my delivery. He

01:35:21.590 --> 01:35:25.930
went to the store, to the drive -up window, and

01:35:25.930 --> 01:35:31.529
they were not giving him $35 change because they

01:35:31.529 --> 01:35:38.569
were not set $100 bill. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

01:35:39.210 --> 01:35:42.710
Okay. All right. Well, thank you, Rob. All right.

01:35:44.239 --> 01:35:49.680
I am too. All right. Thank you. Well, it is almost

01:35:49.680 --> 01:35:52.359
920. Do you want to wrap this up? You got to

01:35:52.359 --> 01:35:54.960
eat. I got to get up early myself. All right,

01:35:55.039 --> 01:36:00.319
everybody. Thank you all for listening. Keep

01:36:00.319 --> 01:36:03.640
listening. Tell your friends it's working. We

01:36:03.640 --> 01:36:05.640
have some really good numbers. We appreciate

01:36:05.640 --> 01:36:11.119
it. And we will talk to you. Hopefully I'll get

01:36:11.119 --> 01:36:14.810
it processed Sunday night. But until then, after

01:36:14.810 --> 01:36:17.789
this show, we have a music creeps that's going

01:36:17.789 --> 01:36:20.430
to come up, I think, Saturday. I'm going to try

01:36:20.430 --> 01:36:23.609
to get this put together tomorrow morning before

01:36:23.609 --> 01:36:26.189
I leave for work. So you're going to have a good

01:36:26.189 --> 01:36:29.710
steady stream of douchebaggery coming up. So

01:36:29.710 --> 01:36:32.050
anyhow, thank you. Have a good night, assholes.

01:36:38.189 --> 01:36:41.750
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark

01:36:41.750 --> 01:36:44.810
has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless

01:36:44.810 --> 01:36:48.430
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading

01:36:48.430 --> 01:36:49.369
your ear holes soon.