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us begin now. A Florida man stole 7 ,000 in scratch
-off tickets, then returned to the store to redeem
them just hours later. A Florida man was hit
with federal charges this week after he allegedly
stole 7 ,000 in scratch -off lottery tickets
from the convenience store. Justin Farley, 43,
pulled into a St. Petersburg Circle K store on
May 5th. He ran behind the counter. reached in
the ticket window to grab the tickets before
fleeing the scene in his gray Hyundai Elantra,
according to a probable cause affidavit. Roughly
40 minutes later, Farley arrived at the Circle
K .A. store. He stole the tickets from, only
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He was promptly arrested minutes later and is
in a cage awaiting trial. Hey there, slap nuts.
It's time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my
little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol
with your music news. The Scream, Motley Crue,
Union, and solo artist John Carabi has a new
single and video debut. The title track to his
new album coming out this spring. New Day will
feature a full album with guest musicians Richard
Fortis, Paul Taylor, and Charlie Starr. Producing
Marty Fragmentson, who also worked with Aerosmith
and Ozzy, will be the producer. Nicky needs to
hire John back. He can actually still write a
song. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your
music news. And remember, bar chords are bullshit.
Now, deep thoughts with Mark. Hmm, let's see.
If I identify as a dog and I start wandering
around the block without a collar on, could animal
control come by and pick me up? Hmm, I may never
know. Hey everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm going
to give you some tips for life. Hello? This is
Joshua Belmont, your food for thought man on
The Hustle. Today, we need to focus on the genius
Franklin Harris for inventing the jukebox override.
Some dumbass puts down a hundred on the Melvins
to last all night. No worry, thanks to Mr. Harris.
Just put in a buck a song to override shitty
music and you can be the hero. Mr. Harris, not
many stop to admire your fine work, but we do
here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank
you, Mr. Harris, for being a patriotic, great
human being. Miss Gulkenstein was tired of Mark
and Toe for making sport of her. Little did the
douchebags know, Miss Gulkenstein was a voodoo
high priestess when she was younger. She grew
angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing Rob into
a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to a local zoo
so he could be with the other monkeys. Here are
the adventures of Rob, the capuchin monkey. Shh,
be very quiet. We're going to listen in as Rob,
the capuchin monkey, tries to sell the rest of
the capuchin monkeys Amway. Rob has always dreamed
of becoming a diamond status Amway as a capuchin
monkey. Little did our hero Rob know. All the
great apes owned stock in Sam's club and became
violently pissed off when he tried to infringe
on their territory. They promptly grabbed switches
and beat his ass for three days straight. Rob
could not sit down. Our constant pursuit for
a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from
an alien. Real hilarity. Two douchebags and microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area, in the
very frigid Kansas City area. Right now it's
probably about one degree. Going to hit maybe
minus 10 tonight, and that would be a new record
for this day or tomorrow or whatever it is. It's
going to be a new record if we do hit minus 10,
but there's a real possibility we might. So it's
going to suck ass really bad, but at least we're
inside doing this podcast. And I'm at the Talk
is Cheap studio. I like to do goat noises. of
the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and water
track, and also home of Pecamo's Country Store,
where you can find all your needs, including
a selfie with the Sinclair Dinosaur in the duck
blind studio. Whack, whack. And yes, we are about
the same temperature as Mark. Let's get ready
to ask if you guys are just as frigid. We are
sitting from probably six to seven. of snow we
got we probably got about six right here where
i'm at yeah yeah i was about like saying yeah
yeah you guys were supposed to get a lot more
but i don't know what happened um i don't know
i really have not been able to keep up with some
of the meteorologists some of the meteorologists
down there um They got a lot of shit for it.
I can tell you that right now because I got a
lot of them on my social media. They were calling
for storm of the century. Oh my gosh. Yeah, we'll
see about that. People are badgering the hell
out of them. And then a lot of them I see going,
yep, that's just like a man trying to say eight
inches is 20 and all this stuff. And I'm like
going, oh, my God. And I mean, people are just
badgering the hell out of them. And I'm actually
seeing some of them reply now. They used to just
kind of ignore it. Now they're kind of like going,
hey, how about if you go ahead and just unfollow
me or, you know, or I'll do it for you, you know,
and stuff like that. So, you know, I mean, I
guess there's only so much bullshit you can take
from people yelling at you, and then finally
you're just like, you know what, fuck them. So,
anyhow, I mean, you know, if they think you're
that bad, they're not going to watch you anymore
anyhow, so why not tell them to go fuck themselves.
So, I've got a conclusion, Rob, okay? Now, you
told me that Wheatland doesn't clear the road,
so that makes it even worse, right? 300 some.
We have no city workers. So it's all volunteers.
Good old boys with their tractors and their trucks
and, you know. I got it. Yeah, I've been in a
small town. Other than people driving up the
road, that's about it. Hmm. Yeah. The first person
I seen this morning was on a three -wheeler.
Oh, hell yeah. And he drove up, you could tell
he drove up the corner, turned around and drove
back. And this is like 9 o 'clock this morning.
He's all bundled up like, you dumbass. I don't
know, maybe he just went up to check, see how
the roads were. He might have been. He might
have just went up there and said, You could tell
he was fucking cold as hell. It was fucking minus
4 this morning, I think. It was horrible this
morning when I went to work. Yeah, it's cold.
Thank God for auto start. Do what? We've had
frozen pipes and everything else. Luckily, we
have not yet. Our house is like a, what did she
say, 1917, I think this house was built. Oh,
no wonder. Okay. Yeah, it's over 100 years old.
Okay. Well, 1913, 1917, something like that.
Back then they didn't bury the pipes that far
down. So, and also they didn't insulate them.
Plaster and no insulation in the walls. Yes,
yep. Yeah, doesn't that suck? And a lot of it,
I owned an old house before, one of them in Cleveland,
Missouri. And, you know, the older the house,
the insulation. A lot of times, the one in my
old house when I had to tear out a wall is just
shredded newspaper. That's their insulation.
They used that a lot back then. Huh? I've seen
that, yeah. Yeah. They've been doing remodeling
for many years. Yeah, I've seen a lot. Yeah,
when I tore the wall out there, I put blueboard
in it, the Dow blueboard. But yeah, I couldn't
believe it. I thought a mouse went in there and
was like chewing up newspapers. And then my friend
Bob, he's since passed away. He's kind of like
a second father to me. And yeah, he goes, no,
he goes, back then, that's what they did. And
he also was... Yeah, he looked at the house and
he goes, yeah, because we're doing some repairs
and everything was different. You know, one by
four or one by six or two by four. I go, why
are they not uniform? He goes, oh, he goes, this
is a sawmill special. I go, what's that? He goes,
whatever the sawmill had is what they took. The
closest one. And so if they had five one by sixes
and two one by fours, they made it work. It's
hell to repair, but they made it work. So I was
like, I was sitting there going, what in the
hell, man? Did these guys not know how to measure?
He goes, no, no, no. He goes, that's sawmill
special. He said, a lot of places out here, you
got to understand, they couldn't afford to have
wood trucked from, I don't know, the coast or
something. So they had to get the wood that they
had there, whether it's twisted, knotted, or
different sizes. That's what they went by. So
anyhow, any cold weather city should have an
add -on driver's test. And this is dealing with
people on the way to work and on the way back
that don't know how to drive. And that's when
a person that has his license has to take a secondary
inclement weather test. Yes. Yes. Okay. I knew
you would agree with it. Yes, I agree. Okay,
so first you try them on a rain -slicking road,
and then if they pass that, then they go to an
ice and snow test. If the driver fails, he gets
a no inclement weather checkmark, maybe like
a red checkmark on the front of his license saying,
this dipshit cannot go out during bad weather
because he cannot drive. That would help real
drivers, ones that know how to drive, that would
help every one of them out so much. Because some
dumbass couldn't be... And the problem I have
up here, and it's probably the same everywhere,
it's probably the same down there, is the guy
in front of you is going 10 mile an hour, and
the guy behind you is going 50. And it's like,
can anyone just be fucking sane? You know, how
about 30? How about, let's split the difference.
Driving across 54, okay? Uh -huh. From here to
Max Creek, it's 60 mile an hour. From Max Creek
to Camden, it's 65. Okay. Well, if it's raining
around, you get these people driving 45, 50.
Oh, yeah. And it's like, you know, 6, 30, 7 o
'clock in the morning, you're trying to get to
work, and you're not having a problem, and you
get behind these people doing... 10, 15 under
the speed limit. Yeah, it's not right. It cuts
back on your time. Trust me, Drive 54, there
ain't many places to pass. No, I know that. Between
here and Mass Creek, on the other side of Mass
Creek, they were courteous enough to put in passing
lanes. But yeah, between Mass Creek and Wheatland,
it's all too late. Yeah, yeah, and there's not
very many places to get around. Yeah, nowhere's
safe to pass because all the hills are curves.
So you're stuck doing 40, 45, and you've been
on your feet on concrete for eight hours all
day, not that I'm bitching. No, I got you. I
got you. And if you were bitching, it would be
fine with me, Rob. I get it. Okay, maybe. No,
I have not, but that sounds like fun. Especially
in Minnesota. Oh, all that, yeah. I read an upstate
Minnesota bulletin that said there was an exploding
tree advisory in effect. I'm not kidding you.
You can look it up online. You can YouTube it
or whatever. The tree actually cracks open, but
it sounds like an explosion. And the official
explanation is water gets caught inside the tree
and expands before the water can drain out of
the tree. It's very similar to flash freezes
around here. Okay, okay. Yeah, it's like the
ice storms we had. You hear the trees crackling
and shit. Yes. Yeah, and it sounds like an explosion.
Yes. It happens down here, but not nearly as
often. but yeah like an ice storm ice will get
in there and you'll hear it go and it sounds
like an explosion yes um so they said this is
caused by pockets of moisture in the ground and
this is frost quakes frost quakes do the same
thing they sound like little explosions but uh
and it's caused by the same thing and this is
in the ground okay uh so like this happens in
fields It happens up in northern Missouri a lot
more than it does down here or where you're at.
But this is caused by pockets of moisture in
the ground that expands at a rapid rate and causes
the earth to push up and make a loud sound similar
to an explosion. So, I mean, you know, that's
one thing we've got going for us, Rob. We don't
normally have exploding trees or frost quakes,
right? Right. Yeah. Unless we have ice storms,
then we're here. Yeah, and then we'll crackling.
I'll tell you what. I've watched them explode
then. Oh, I've been sitting in my house with
no power during a bad ice storm like in the early
2000s and just listening to the crackling and
trying to gauge if it's going to come through
my fucking living room window or not. Right.
Oh, man, yeah, I'm sitting there. And you have
nothing else to do. You know, it's cold outside.
You can't, like, go work in the yard or just
go, you know, sit on the porch or something.
And all the power's off, and all you can hear
is all your trees breaking in half. Not a lot
of fun. Yeah. So it's been so cold that Walmart
issued an alert, Rob. It's encouraging its customers
to double -layer their pajama bottoms before
leaving the house. that's good that's nice of
him wasn't it yeah thanks wally thanks wally
world very nice very nice so um all right speaking
of places i hate to shop at lowe's is at it again
okay uh you know i'm always after walmart and
then the second one i'm after is lowe's everybody's
after walmart And then Lowe's. In my opinion,
the two worst fucking retailers in the world
for customer service and just generally everything.
The attitude of the store, the employees, all
of this. So I was forced to go there because
it was too close to closing time. And it was
the only place I could go. because in time so
i'm buying a large piece of form -fitting weatherstrip
i had to get it on that night because it was
a night it was getting really really cold right
and the back door yeah i was yeah i think everybody
was there are a lot of people at lowes buying
weather stripping and shit like that i could
tell you that right now everybody had the same
gazelle running from a fucking lion look on their
face like oh shit it's here it's here it's here
it's here So, anyhow, I'm buying this large piece
of form -fitting weatherstripping for our back
door. I go to the self -checkout because that's
all they have now. And one guy's standing there
looking. There's four self -checkouts and one
guy's standing there looking at everybody, right?
So, he's supposed to be helping, but he's just
standing there looking, all right? So, I try
to scan. I love those people. Oh, yeah, yeah.
And then you try to get them to do something.
And they give you this look like, why are you
bothering me? Yeah, I'm just supposed to stand
here. Yeah, yeah. It's like, well, number one,
you're just standing there. Number two, you do
work here. Number three, you have nothing fucking
else to do. So why don't you just come over and
help me? Maybe the time will go by a little bit
quicker. So anyhow, I tried to scan the weather
stripping, but it wouldn't scan. It was rubbed
off just a little too much, okay? So I called
the standing guy over, and I tell him about my
issue. He says you need to go back to where you
got it and find a working barcode. He told me
I had to, right? I'm like sitting here thinking,
you motherfucker. You're standing there with
your thumb up your ass, and you're telling me
to go get another one. So, I told him I was not
going to go back to find another, hoping he would
have someone go grab one for me, so I didn't
have to cancel my order and come back. He instead
calls a guy over to run it back to its area,
okay? He, instead of saying, find this gentleman,
one with a barcode that works, he said, here,
run this back, he doesn't want it. When he knew
the issue, he knew that the barcode was not working,
right? So, wouldn't you, Just out of common sense,
go, sir, how about if I have this gentleman go
run and get one for you that has a working barcode,
right? Isn't that normally what they should do,
right? That's what most places normally do. Well,
this idiot didn't think of that or didn't care.
So I looked at my ass. I said, couldn't you just,
you know, had him go fucking get me one, grab
me another piece instead? He said, we don't have
time to do that. That's what he told me, Rob.
He said, we don't have time to do that. So I'm
like, all right, okay. You're there eight fucking
hours. What are you doing? Yeah, so I'm checking
out with my caulking gun, and the guy that took
back the weather stripping, he showed up to self
-checkout area before I checked out, right? And
I looked at the guy, and I asked him, I said,
hey, I go, do you think you're doing a good job
or not? And he responded, yes, I think I'm doing
a good job. I look at him, I say, well, you know,
as you can plainly see, the man you had run back
my item is already back. He looks at me funny.
I go, do you get where I'm going with this? And
I don't think he did. And I just told him, I
said, you know, I said, I said, I wish you well.
And I walked off. I was just like, you know,
and if he's smart, which he was, and he'd get
it. I'm pretty much, I'm pretty much told. Yes.
Yeah. And when I told him, I said, I wish you
well, I was hoping he would catch what I was
saying. What I was saying is you're too fucking
stupid to live. I wish you well. That's what
I meant. Allegedly. And I should have just told
him that I said, you know what? Look both ways
before you do anything. Cause you're too fucking
stupid to live. The end. And I'm a compassionate
human being. So I don't necessarily want you
to die. So please. Be careful. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Yep. Yeah. So anyhow, if I would, you know.
I was pissed off because I didn't necessarily
go in for that cocking gun. And what I should
have done is I should have just looked. I should
have took and bought it, went all the way up
to the credit card information, and then just
sat it down and left. That's what I should have
done, but I didn't. So anyhow, all right. Rob,
are the schools down there being canceled due
to the Arctic blast, or do you know? Yes. Okay.
Okay. All schools up here are closed, not just
because of snow, but mostly because of the frigid
temperatures. You know, there could be no snow
on the ground, but it wouldn't matter. The official
word is the administration of the schools does
not want a kid to have to wait at the bus stop
in the extreme cold. So, Rob. Okay, no, we get
that. Yeah, yeah. We also have a lot of rules.
kids out there out there i see it yeah up here
i don't but but i mean how many times have you
weighed out in sub -zero temperature just to
go to school at the bus stop every day including
may yeah yes yeah yeah so um anyhow i don't like
anyway yeah yeah Yeah, we did it a lot, a lot
of times, a lot of times. I remember when the
school bus used to slip and slide all over those
gravel roads because there was ice on them. And
our bus driver would just look up and go, hold
on. We'd be all fucking holding on, white knuckling
it. It was funny. Yep, no. All right, have you
heard about Kiefer Sutherland's arrest? Yeah,
I just heard a little blurb of it. Go ahead.
I think I read stuff about it a couple days ago.
Well, I actually investigated a little bit because
I heard little blurbs of it like you did too,
but it wasn't like really crazy publicized. ABC
News reported Sunday, while citing law enforcement
sources, that Sutherland allegedly punched an
Uber driver multiple times and tried to choke
him, per the allegations from the driver. Okay,
yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Law enforcement
sources told ABC News that the Uber driver told
police that he got out of the vehicle to get
away from the actor and that it appeared that
Sutherland was under the influence during the
incident. The Uber driver called 911 while allegedly
fleeing the actor, the sources told ABC News.
The sources also said that the driver had a dash
camera in his car that may have captured part
of the alleged altercation. So last week, the
Los Angeles Police Department said they determined
that the 59 -year -old Sutherland entered a ride
hail vehicle. I guess that's like Uber or something,
ride hail. physically assaulted the driver and
made criminal threats towards the victim Sutherland
was arrested on suspicion of felony criminal
threats and was released after posting a $50
,000 bond no injuries requiring medical treatment
were reported the actor's first court appearance
is scheduled for February 2nd according to jail
records he has not been charged yet so Yeah.
I thought that was pretty interesting because
he's never really been in trouble, has he? Not
that I know of. I've never heard of him being
in trouble. He's always been kind of like a model
citizen pretty much, right? I mean, he's had
his moments. Has he? I can't remember. He hasn't
been as bad as his dad. Oh, Donald Sutherland?
Yeah, that's true. True. For the biggest part,
he's been a good guy. Okay. Yeah, but I think
there has been a couple GWIs involved. You know
what? Now that you said that, I think you're
right, Rob. I think you're right. I think you're
right. It's low -key. He's not a major troublemaker
like Gary Busey. Gary Busey's entertaining, though.
yeah butter and sausage keeper has he's had his
troubles just like everybody else uh -huh but
he's overcome them yeah yeah yeah and i know
where other people have not so yeah no no no
and he'd been a model citizen for a while i guess
maybe relapsed or whatever i don't know but this
just proves my theory rob you give anyone Even
the Dalai Lama, enough human interactions, and
he will eventually succumb to violence. People
demand violence through ridiculous, obnoxious
behavior. And it's true. You know, I want to
see the full police report before Kiefer hasn't
been an issue in a long time, and especially
the violence that I could find in his 60 years
on this earth or close to. Yeah, there's been
no violence. Yeah. So, anyhow, there was a Florida
deputy that captured a runaway emu and safely
returned it home. Word is the policeman had a
rough time getting out of the emu's owner's home.
The tenant kept trying to sell him car insurance.
I think his name was Doug. You got it. You got
it. Guys get it. Guys get it. Women will not.
Yeah. His name was Doug and he kept trying to
sell him car insurance. So, all right. So while
we're talking Florida, a man in Florida has been
arrested after he posted as he posed as an NBA
assistant to steal jewelry and swallowing $769
,000 earrings. I don't know how. Yeah, I don't
know how this happened. It doesn't. The article
didn't explain it all. But what it said was a
man in Florida. he posed as an NBA assistant
to steal jewelry, and he swallowed a $769 ,000
pair of earrings. So did he act like maybe one
of the NBA star's assistants, maybe? And said,
yeah, I'm coming to get his earrings, and then
they found out it wasn't the assistant that he
was supposed to be, and he swallowed them, thinking
he was going to keep them, I guess? I don't know.
I've got to look more on that, but I thought
I'd run that by you. Yeah, someone had to be
on ship patrol. Ship patrol, or old boys going
up in the yard because they lodged inside somewhere.
That could be. That could be. Yeah. I mean, their
earrings, they got a point. You know, they put
sticky news somewhere that long. Not a very smart
move, dude. No. No, not at all. Not a very smart
move at all. Well, you know, he's in a cage now.
Yeah, and I would bet that posing as an NBA assistant,
he's either someone that helps the NBA players,
like, I don't know, retrieves their sneakers
or what, you know what I mean? Yeah. Or he was
assigned to a couple of them personally, you
know, like they hired him. And he's like, hey,
I'm Bill, and I am the assistant for whoever,
number 72 over there, whatever. And yeah, I'm
here to get his earrings. Something like that
happened. Very interesting. There's going to
be more to the story coming out, and I'll probably
cover it some more, but that's all I know right
now. So this is a cool story, Rob. All right.
Drivers in Maryland slammed on their brakes.
pulled over to the side of the freeway, and brave
drivers going 80 miles an hour to retrieve what
appeared to be a ton of loot that accidentally
spilled on the roadway. So, you know, like the
good old scenario, like a Brinks truck, you know,
jackknives, and then there's all this cash flying
everywhere and people are out there grabbing
it, right? Well, the would -be money snatchers
were highly surprised to find out it was all
fake money. And it had on it... It looked just
like real money, but it had a picture of it.
It said, for entertainment purposes only. Oh,
yeah. Yeah. It was entertaining watching those
bozos run around thinking they're getting real
money. It was for entertainment purposes only.
If you get a chance, look it up. It's funny.
People are out there fucking grabbing everything.
I mean, that's like one of those things that
you watch on YouTube and you go, yeah, I want
to watch that again. And then you get up and
go, well, I got to get something. No, I'm going
to watch it again. This is pretty cool. So, let's
see. How about from Florida to just to the north
neighbor, Georgia, and a woman that was found
in a neighbor's pond naked screaming that she
was a mermaid? So, you know, meth can get pretty
fucking ugly, right, Rob? Oh, yeah. Yeah, she
was naked in a neighbor's pond screaming she's
a mermaid. Pretty good, right? Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Or bath salts, even. You know, I mean,
I want to know if she tried to bite someone's
face off. If she tried to bite someone's face
off, then it was definitely bath salts, right?
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah. Or took a kid in,
yeah. Yep. The other day, I was driving by a
cemetery at night when I noticed someone left
the gates open. I stopped quickly, and I shut
and locked it. I get a call the next day. It
was the DNC accusing me of election interference.
All you Democrats out there, don't get mad at
me. It's just a fucking joke, okay? And I'm sure...
Yes, it did. Actually, I think I wrote it. I
don't know. Fuck, I probably stole it. I don't
know. Okay. yep all right okay that was about
a 30 second one right there yeah yep um and and
also uh you know uh you know what i'm i'm just
gonna skip that one because that's gonna open
up a whole ball of shit that we don't need right
now um okay All right. Do you remember in the
early 80s, the United States made a half -hearted
effort to join the rest of the world in using
the metric system? Yeah. Okay. Well, you know
how the story ends, right? It never did happen.
We're still on... Yeah, we went back to... Yeah,
yeah. We went back to the regular standard measurements.
No, no... metric here so um but one highway between
tucson arizona and negolis new mexico is hanging
on interstate 19 still deploy it uh still deploy
uh displays mile markers and distances and kilometers
central oregon daily news reported it's just
kind of a cool little quirky fact about us said
alejandro aguiar who lives in tubac arizona Now,
the U .S. Department of Transportation has declared
that when you're driving in the United States,
it should be unmistakably American. As a result,
that stretch of interstate may get new signage,
although the Arizona Department of Transportation
has not received direction from the feds. Now,
here's what I got to say right here, okay? Now,
Rob, the reason I brought this up is because
this... this can be the question of the week
i don't think i have one yet i might insert one
but this could be the question of the week all
right now let's say you're driving down this
highway right and you don't know what kilometers
is right okay so you don't know what the speed
is okay can you legitimately get out of a speeding
ticket because it's in kilometers and all you
know is standard I think... Okay. Okay. Go ahead.
Here's my point of view. Okay. I think technically
you could, but at the same time, most speedometers
anymore come with kilometers along with mile
per hour. Mm -hmm. So, yeah, I think they could
get you if they really tried. You know, I...
Yeah, you know what... Am I vilified? With today's
technology on our speedometers, hell, back in
the 90s, early 2000s, you'd be running so many
miles an hour, it would tell you how many kilometers
per hour. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So
I think it might be a little hard to get out
of. I really do. No, no, no, no. Unless your
vehicle is not equipped with that. No, that's
why I asked you, Rob. Okay, that's exactly what
I thought, too. But here's the other thing I
was thinking. All right, if someone does not
have that equipment, okay, they could get out
of it. But the problem is, like anything, you
can get out of it, but it's going to cost you
more money to get out of it than to just pay
the fucking thing. Right. You see, and that's
where they got you is. It's like, yeah, yeah,
sure. Yeah, it's just a speeding ticket. Yeah,
yeah. Yeah, it's like, sure, go ahead, get you
a lawyer. It's going to cost you five times more.
You might as well just scratch us off that fucking
check right now, buddy. And most people do because
they can't afford to hire a lawyer for five times
the amount just to get out of a fucking ticket.
So... Yeah, and... Yeah, because lawyers are
very expensive these days. Yeah. Yep, yep. No,
they are. Yep. All right. Oh, and speaking of
lawyers and attorneys, I had to get after some
idiots that tried to use our name. Really? Mm
-hmm. Yep. It started by these people trying
to get me to buy their service. And they're like,
well, we can catch people trying to use your
trademark. And I'm like, okay. All right. So,
and then what? You know, what do you do? You
tell them to stop? No, we just let you know.
Like, that's okay. I said, that's all right.
If they're trying to really do something with
it, I'll find out, you know, because it's trademarked.
You know, and so then this other firm sends me
a message wanting me saying, hey, your trademark's
been abandoned. I'm like, no, it hasn't. Nope,
got the stuff right here. It's mine. And these
people are trying to use it and they're going
to have it if you don't. And if you don't, you
know, something like I got to send them some
money and they're going to like file it and all
this shit. And I'm like, no, no, let them go
ahead and try it. It's fine. And so I ended up
just like fucking telling the guy, you know,
and he's. texting me right and trying to tell
me yeah you need to you need to have us uh go
ahead and file this otherwise these guys are
going to get your name and i said number one
i don't think anyone wants to name two douchebags
in microphone number two i have my fucking invoice
from the attorney i said do you want it he goes
yeah and i go well too too fucking bad i said
look it up if you're an attorney you can find
out you can look it up So he didn't say anything
for a little bit. And then he sends back another
message and he goes, all right, A, you plan on
keeping the trademark. B, you plan on relinquishing
it. I need to know the answer right now. And
I send him an answer back and I go, you can cordially
go fuck yourself. I don't have to answer a fucking
thing to you. I don't know who you are. You look
up the attorney that filed my trademark and you
talk to him and you leave me the fuck alone and
don't ever. Ever. Ever text me again. Because
I have everything saved. And it will go to the
Attorney General if you keep screwing with me.
Never heard from him again. Yeah. I hate dickheads
that do that shit. Fucking hate them. So, anyhow.
Alright. You know, that turned a little negative
and I didn't want it to. Sorry, everybody. We
got enough emails that are negative, probably.
Yeah, I was going to say, because it sounds like
our email. Yeah, it sounds like our email. So,
Rob, let's turn it over to you. All right. I
got one that I think may catch your attention.
All right. Sounds good. That's in February. Okay.
Arkansas is no stranger to festivals. No matter
what kind of festival you're in the mood for,
you can find it here. Whether it's food, music,
animals, or quirky events, we have that and more.
One of our favorite types of festivals is where
you can get dressed up and participate in all
the festivities. That's exactly what you'll get
at the Arkansas Viking Day. Viking? Viking thing?
Yeah, T -H -I -N -G. Oh, okay. Okay, the Viking
Culture and History Festival is hosted by the
Arkansas Renaissance Festival, a permanent picture
festival of Mount Vernon. Channel your inner
fairies, ghouls, pirates, or fearless knights.
Come dressed to impress and enjoy all of them.
Let's make the most of February by attending
the unique Viking Festival in Arkansas. Huzzah,
y 'all. The upcoming Arkansas Viking Day Festival
is where mere men become legends. On February
21st and February 22nd, 2026, this two -day event...
Very cool. Sounds good to me. I mean, hanging
around cool people like that, I always find that
fun. You know, it's kind of like the Renaissance
Festival on steroids or something like that,
right? Yeah, but you're in Arkansas. You're around,
well, halfway normal people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not only do I want to... I want to go to that,
but else... It's not like the actual Renaissance
Festival in Kansas City. It's more down -home,
more people that would know more about it. Yeah,
well, the Renaissance Festival, you know they
have them everywhere. It's not just Kansas City.
Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, that sounds like a lot
of fun. This is their park, but they call it
the Viking thing. The Viking thing. That's cool.
I'd be willing to check it out. Well, I can't
do this one, but maybe next year. The one that
I really want to go to, and I think it's still
in September, is the Bentonville Testicle Festival.
Remember, we went over it on the show. Yes, yes,
yes. We've got to go. They have fucking nude
female mud wrestling. Yes. I cannot believe that.
They have gunny sack people in their underwear,
mud gunny sack wrestling, where, you know, each
one has one leg in a gunny sack, two people,
each one of them have their inner leg in the
gunny sack, and they try to run in mud. I just,
all that stuff. And all the... All the drinks
you can drink. I could see me and you getting
in on that. Oh, I could too. And then all the
fried testicles and fucking boiled and whatever,
sous vide testicle, all this bullshit. So anyhow,
let's take our first break. And I've got a shit
ton of emails, Rob. I think because of the cold
weather, people are indoors emailing because
they have nothing else to do. yeah it is good
i got some good ones here too i have two featured
ones i have two featured ones because they need
to be so all right um i think what i'm going
to do is i'm going to give this um this uh before
we go to our break and go into our um our messages
and stuff like that i'm going to give new guy
a chance to do an editorial you like that idea
Anything he wants to talk about? Anything he
wants to talk about. That might cheer him up
a little bit. I'm thinking so, too. So, all right.
Let's give it a shot. Hey, I'm still going to
try to piss him off, though, okay? Listen to
this. Always. Hey, bitch, get over here. Hello,
this is the new guy. There are some podcasts
that are informative, educational, or even helpful.
This is not one of them. These two clowns continue
to butcher the English language, and they think
it's cute. I, myself, wear earplugs and just
smile and nod my head. Mark is so slow, he never
catches it. I've wasted enough time talking about
this abortion. That's all. Okay, bye. Since the
dawn of time, weird shit has happened. Strange
occurrences. Unexplained phobias. and other odd
happenings. Over the next minute, we would like
to bring you odd, rare phobias and conditions.
Hutchinson -Gilford Progeria Syndrome. Cases
known on Earth 100 to possibly 150. This causes
young children to age quickly, such as hair loss,
thin, fragile skin, and cardiovascular issues,
while the child's mental capacity stays the same.
There is unknown cure and very little treatment
options. And now, a brand new feature, strange
insults from an alien. May you always step in
a wet spot after putting on fresh socks. Hey,
if you're a fan of paying way too much for trinkets
and food, well, your wish is coming true. Kansas
City International Airport Guest Pass program
is starting today. Yes, you too could overspend
on workless trinkets and $15 cups of coffee.
You want to buy a $50 cheap t -shirt that has
KC Western Auto Building image on it? We got
you covered. Want a barbecue sauce gift pack?
No problem. Just a mere $40 and you're first
born. Hurry. You know rubes are jumping all over
to get to this complete rip -off. Because people
are cheap. So you want proof that we love you
here at Q -Douche Bates and Microphone Central?
Here's a proof right here. How about the drink
of the week? Hey, my little bacon bits. Do you
need to get to Smashville pronto? Did your friends
start without you? We have your solution. Adios,
motherfuckers. Adios, motherfuckers is one stiff
drink. It should be used with caution. One half
ounce of vodka. One half ounce of rum. One half
ounce of tequila. One half ounce of gin. One
half ounce of blue curacao. Two ounces of sweet
and sour mix. Sprite or 7 -Up. Use a lemon wedge
as a garnish and put in a highball glass. Bam.
There you go. Hey, everybody, this is Uncle Rob.
I'm going to give you some tips for life. This
is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics. Rule number
one, type of a pic in someone else's name so
if you get busted, it's not yours. Rule number
two, shoot angles complementary to your length
and girth. Rule number four, Bopping of the leg.
Absolutely no undercarriage. Very important.
The boll weevil clap. Read up on that sometime.
The boll weevil clap, and this old guy that I
knew that was in Vietnam, I probably should say,
well, you know what, you can take this part out
of here if you like it. and we could put it somewhere
but this old guy that i knew down the road for
me there was a vietnam he told me that uh one
day you know him and a couple of guys um got
a day off from the war so they went into the
nearest town to go look for some hookers you
know they're like you know if we're going to
die we're going to get laid so okay all right
so they go in there and i guess the the vietcong
loaded them full loaded the prostitutes full
this stuff called The bowl we will clap. Yeah.
Oh, it is. So anyhow, he said, you know, they
all went and, you know, did what they needed
to do. You know, they thought they were all going
to die. So they went and they got laid. And the
next day, when a guy comes in, he goes, oh, my
God. He goes, I hurt so bad. You know, my fucking
dick hurts like hell. My stomach hurts. I think
I'm going to die. What did they do with those
damn hookers? So anyhow, and he started hurting
really bad. He said it hurt so bad you could
hardly breathe. You could feel it in your dick
shaft. It hurt so bad. So they all go in, and
I guess it's like a horrible infection. And if
you don't get it treated, it will kill you. Like,
you know, go up your scrotum and into your testicles.
And anyhow, the only cure back then was is they
had to take this glass rod and shove it in the
end of your penis. and mash it with a rubber
mallet. And then you have to physically squeeze
all the infection out of your penis. I've heard
of this. Yes. And this took like four hours of
mashing this rod and then squeezing all the infection
out. Because if they don't get all the infection
out right then... It just flares right back up.
Yes. Seals your pee -pee shut. Yes. Yeah, that
was the old joke of, you know, if you catch VD,
your dick's going to turn black and fall off.
But there are actually STDs. That was the worst
case scenario, yeah. It actually will turn black
and fall off because the tissue will die. Yeah,
it's kind of like a Gann Green type of deal,
you know, or something like that. So anyhow,
yeah, he said after that, he said, no, no more
hookers. Two douchebags and microphone in an
effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you
first world problems. Damn it. I can't decide
between nachos, chili, or wings for the game
tonight. This is bullshit. I should not have
to make decisions like this. Hi there. This is
your ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?
I thought we were friends. Have you ever wondered
what something came about? Have you ever looked
at something and said, Hey, I wonder what the
origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why
we give you the origin of... The origin of the
middle finger. The origin of the middle finger
gesture is an insult, is debated, but it's widely
believed to have roots in ancient Greece and
Rome, specifically asleep to phallic symbolism.
and used as a way to express insults, taunt,
or even ward off evil. The specific origins are
unclear. The middle finger has been documented
as a gesture of disrespected anger for over two
millennia. All aware of the Amber Alert, right?
Well, get rid of your disinfectants and rubber
bedspreads, kids. It's the all -new Amber Herd
Alert System. This fantastic early warning device
helps one stay dry and rid of all those annoying
mattress invoices. Simply hook up to child under
six or psychopath and wait for the running water
sound. This clever machine has three distinct
settings, babbling brook, ocean waves, and roaring
river for those close calls. Order today and
get a free Cinnabon re -music cartridge. Our
constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's
strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Mate. Your five -year -old neighbor have all
their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
Next up, things ever heard in hell. Hurry up.
Kim Jong -un is playing Santa at the mall again
this year. Yay! And now we look in on the adventures
of the technical explanation guy. Excuse me,
my dear sir. Could you please put my plain bread
in a small countertop appliance with heating
elements that would spring loaded? And would
brown my bread adequately? Well, first off, I'm
not a waiter. I'm just a guy over there sitting
at the table having a drink. Second off, are
you talking about someone toasting your bread?
Well, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about my bread
being toasted. Then why don't you just ask for
your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? What
the hell's wrong with you? Hey, you yankers.
We often think many things are just true because
we've heard it our whole lives. That's why here
at Two Douchebags and Microphone, we developed
the segment... Not true. We investigate and uncover
the real truth of what happened. We've heard
for years that Einstein was so intelligent he
could not figure out how to tie his shoe. The
fact is, he disliked wearing socks. He would
put socks over his shoes to avoid tying them.
He believed tying shoelaces was an incredible
waste of time. So were Crocs when Einstein needed
them. To Douchebags and Microphone, I'm Mark
here in the Kansas City vicinity at the Talk
is Cheap studio. And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri,
home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and
Water Track, and also home of Pecamo's Country
Store, where you can find... Thank you, Rob.
All right, we're going to go ahead and get the
emails because we got a shit ton of them, which
is cool. All right. Hey, Mark, remember the high
school football coach that had us buck hay on
his farm for a form of football practice? Do
you remember his name? Mitch, the all -time greatest
emailer. Yes, I do know his name. He was Coach
Brown. and i i can't think of his charlie no
no no no um chuck chuck no everyone fucked with
him yeah yeah yeah yeah chuck he went by chuck
chuck brown and yeah he used to do that it was
kind of like karate kid you know where wax on
wax off the car And he was right. Bucking hay
was like one of the best workouts you could do.
So he's like, hey, boys, I got some hay over
on my land. You know, instead of doing this,
running up and down the field, let's just go
buck that. So we all jump in the truck and go,
yeah, let's go buck hay. A lot of people gave
him shit and the school made him stop. It's funny
that Mitch remembers this because I didn't think
he went to Midway. Didn't he go to Belton? He
never really did. Okay, I guess he... No, I don't
remember him being in a belt. Okay, then he must
have went to Midway because he knew about this.
I think he went to Midway. Okay. Come on, he
is from Freeman. Yeah, you know what? That's
right. He probably lived there then. You know,
my memory's fucked. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Chuck Brown.
Yeah, and all us kids loved it. The school made
him quit because they said, you know, he's getting,
like, free labor from us. But all of us were
like, no, we want to do it. We don't want to
be out there running up and down the field. We'd
rather help him anyhow. And it's just as good
a workout, if not better, but the school made
us quit. Yeah, he was Chuck Brown, and he was
the head coach for... a year and a half, and
then he became an assistant coach when they hired
some new guy that I can't think of his name from
the city. Oh, well, it doesn't matter. We had
Coach Greg Williams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bounty
Gate. Bounty Gate, Greg Williams. Yeah, Bounty
Gate, Greg Williams. Yeah, that guy. That's who
was our coach when I was at Belton. I told my
big boss that at work, and he was kind of enamored
by that, like I was after he told me that. I'm
like, wow. Yeah. It was the Greg Williams, yeah.
Wow. Interesting. The funny thing is, Milton
had one of the biggest losing streaks behind
him. No, that's what... Then he went to college
and then to the NFL. Mm -hmm. Yeah, and he's
even got a Super Bowl ring, too. So, wow. Yeah.
I talked to one of the guys after, well, we hadn't
heard nothing from him since the St. Louis and
Tennessee Titans Super Bowl. Uh -huh. And then
me and this other guy, we're, you know, we're,
he's in Belton and I'm up in St. Joe. We're watching
the Super Bowl. coordinator for Titans during
that Super Bowl. And we're like, hey, what the
fuck? Oh, wow. Ain't no way that's him. I mean,
you look at it, you could tell it was him. Fucking
cool. That would have been really interesting.
You lose track of him. Then you're watching the
Super Bowl and you're like, is that him? No,
that ain't Coach. Yeah, fuck it is. Man, he showed
everybody, didn't he? And I had to call a buddy
of mine just to clarify. I said, did you see
who that was? Yeah, I did. Like, fuck yeah. It
was Coach Williams. And speaking of Coach Williams...
He goes from making $20 ,000 a year to $20 million
a year. Wow. Yeah, well, roughly, yeah. That's
what we say. He's got that equivalence, you know
what I mean? He made in the millions, I'm sure.
Yeah, you go from... What did the Houston Oilers
do? They become the Tennessee Titans. He went
with them to Tennessee. He was already in Houston
with them. I do remember that. Yep. Okay. Yeah.
Wow. Okay. All right. I'm going to get back to
emails. Thank you, Rob. Yeah. All right. Next
one. Yes, I'm very superstitious and firmly live
by it. It's worked so far. Rossington in Texas.
Ross, thank you. Let's see. What was I going
to say now? This is in reply to the question
of the week, if you're superstitious. So thank
you, Ross. All right. All right. Next one. I
love the police blotter guy who actually does
that voice. If you don't mind giving me away
a secret and all. April in Knoxville. Yeah, it's
Johnny Dare. No, I'm joking. It is not. No, it
is not. Yeah. No, no, it is not. It's a voice
that I get. It's AI. And it works very well.
It works really well because I get tired. I mean,
I got to be honest about this. All the voiceover
guys and gals have fucking attitudes. They want
you to hand the stuff to them on a plate and
make everything just pretty and easy as you can
for them. And it's irritating as fuck, because
they get kind of smart -mouthed when you don't,
and you really need these people to do this.
I love the fact that I got all these voices at
my fingertips now, and I don't have to deal with
that. I mean, you know, I like a lot of them,
and I got to know a lot of them, but they're
a pain in the ass. So, anyhow, it's an AI voice
that I get. So, all right. And it sucks. As much
as we bitch about AI, we've got to depend on
it for the show. Yeah. I mean, they... The voiceover
people get pretty surly. And I don't know why
that is. I mean, to me, it sounds like a fun
fucking job. It's not this new guy. This is real
life shit. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, so thank you. Yeah.
Let's see. And it looks like Seattle has just
won the NFC Conference Champion game. 31 to 27.
All right. I love the police blotter guy. Oh,
wait a minute. That's the wrong one. Okay. I
heard one of you guys talking about going to
Bimini Island by ferry. I have, and we went in
September, which was a mistake. The waves were
so rough during that month. People were sick.
You couldn't hardly walk around because of the
constant turbulence. We got to the island and
the beach was closed due to rip currents. We
were supposed to stay three nights, but we lost
money to come back to Fort Lauderdale that evening.
The beaches were fine in Florida. Miss Jane in
Boston. Um, well, you have to be careful. about
what time of year you go. And I mean, this is
from, you know, I've traveled enough and went
on enough vacations, I know this. And I found
this through trial and error, and I'm sure you
have too, Rob, and stuff like that. You have
to watch what time of the year. It's just like
going to Colorado. If you go there in like mid
to late September, you might very well get involved
in a snowstorm, right? Right. Well, this is no
different. Only it's like the hurricane season
kicks in pretty strong in September. It's one
of the strongest months for hurricanes. So there's
a lot of turbulence over the Atlantic and the
Gulf of Mexico and all that. So, yeah, I believe
it probably was turbulent, and it did make you
sick. I mean, I happen to know this, but it doesn't
sound like you did. You just don't go in September,
in my opinion. All right. Oh, this is a cool
one, Rob. All right. Hey, douches, I need your
best avocado dip recipe for a potluck dinner.
Please and thank you. You're the best. Wes in
Houston. Rob? I just do avocados and roto. Okay.
Yep. There you go. That's what I did. Perfect.
Avocados and Rotel. That sounds great, Rob. You
saved it. I didn't know what to tell him. Well,
you've got to add a little garlic powder. Oh,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't forget the garlic powder.
Listen to Rob. He knows what he's talking about.
Let's see. Next one. I thought I needed to take
out... Thank you, Wes in Houston. Thank you,
Wes. Actually, I like that question. I just kind
of forgot about it. I'm like, oh, shit, I was
supposed to look up an avocado recipe. Oh, well.
All right. Why don't you eat an avocado recipe?
I don't know. That's a good question. Oh. Yeah.
Well, if you're in Houston, you should be used
to that. Oh, well. I thought I needed to take
out the garbage. The next one. I thought I needed
to take out the garbage, but it turns out the
smell was because I left the podcast on in the
other room, and the smell seeped into the whole
house. Tony in Nashville. We warn you of that.
Yeah, we tell you that all the time. We warn
you of that. Yeah. Dumbass, that's on you, Tony.
You should know better. Get some Renews It if
you got our show going on. Everyone knows this.
Gosh, man, you know, you can only tell people
so many times. I know, man. Please, everybody,
bleach your Bluetooth. We tell you that, too.
Yeah, yeah. Listen, we say we suck, so you telling
us we suck means nothing. We already said it.
After every podcast, I have to bleach my Bluetooth.
I do. So, you know, you guys should, too, listen
to it. But I would also like to add that we smell
better than your mom. Tell her she's not so fresh
in that special area. Okay. Yep. I'll give you
that one. All right. Yep. All right. Next one.
Superstitions are for losers who want to explain
away their stupid decisions constantly. Wally
and OP. And I think that's Overland Park. Whatever.
I don't care. I mean, someone has superstitions.
It doesn't hurt me. Do you care? I do. I have
superstitions. I have... Superstitions are beliefs,
and everybody has their own beliefs. That's right.
And you know what? And even if it isn't true,
if it makes you feel better, what the fuck's
wrong with that? So you throw a little bit of
salt over your shoulder or something like that.
No big deal. You're not hurting anybody. All
right. Oh, speaking of throwing salt over this
next one. I always watch out for black cats,
throw salt over my shoulder, etc. Whether it's
real or not, I don't care. Doing those things
make me feel better and more secure, so I go
with it. Guthrie in Oklahoma City. Yeah, what
I just said. Go for it, man. Yeah. Go for it,
Guthrie. Guthrie, I think it's awesome. It'll
make you feel comfortable. Yep. Yep, we don't
care. Yep, we're not like that other asshole
that gives a shit. It'll make you feel comfortable.
Yep. We're all about that. So thank you, Guthrie.
And now I have two featured emails, Rob. Are
you ready for them? Yep. All right. Mark, I know
what you're, and this is Rob too, okay? So like,
put my name down, but go ahead and put Rob and
Topher with this too. Mark Robin Topher, I know
what you're doing and it's brilliant. The people
that identify with you listen because of you
and the people that identify with Rob listen
to him. Having two completely different hosts
is the genius. Ralph and DC. Okay, I can't take
credit for that. No, none of us can. No, because
that's been done forever. Good cop, bad cop.
especially like shows like this and radio shows
and stuff like that, is you don't want someone
that thinks just like you to be your counterpart.
You want someone that's going to argue with you
and kind of agitate you and pick at you. And
you know what I mean? It's nothing new. I appreciate
the, Ralph, I appreciate the comments, but we
can't take credit for that, can we? I mean, it's
been done forever. You know? Yeah. So thank you.
All right. Truth be told, we're trying to be
like everybody else. We're trying to be like
a morning show. Yeah. And we say that in the
motto, everything. Yeah. And it's working out
for us, honestly. Yeah, yeah, we're doing very
well. I still have Topher on getting that million
download. Congratulations. We haven't forgot
it. We just got to harness it. And there's a
way. We'll figure it out. All right. And finally,
this one. Hey, guys. Not only did I go to the
Dr. Pepper Museum once, but twice. And the Texas
Ranger Museum. Yep. That was Mark's suggestion,
and I was not sorry I stopped by. I went there,
and I was tripping around America, and then again
when I moved to Atlanta. I bought three 12 -pack
bottles of the original Dr. Pepper, and I'm down
to three bottles, which means I will have to
go back because they don't ship them anymore.
Okay, thank you, Ronnie. Remember, I didn't know
if they still shipped them. I guess they don't.
All right. um anyhow um let's see i'll have to
go back because they don't ship them anymore
thanks for the mention ronnie and tulsa the tulsa
king thank you ronnie um yeah yes always yep
um and the thing is is there like i said on the
last podcast there are dr pepper recipes that
are in bottles little seven ounce bottles and
all that that are like really close to the original
formula but the only original formula that there
is anywhere is only sold in waco texas or surrounding
areas they have been some stores around that
area in texas and that's it and the whole difference
is is not only the imperial cane sugar but it's
the artesian well water that they use in that
original recipe which makes that dr pepper just
over the top And it sounds like Ronnie knows
that too. And I'm telling you, if you ever get
a chance to get that stuff, do it. If you like
Dr. Pepper or soft drinks, that thing is the
creme de la creme of all of them. It is the best.
So those are our two featured emails. Like I
said, we had a ton of them. Thank you guys for
writing in. Keep writing them in, man. That's
great. All of them were really good, I thought,
even the ones that were making fun of us. Yep,
hate mail goes to the front. We've always said
this. We have nothing against people disliking
us and saying shit. You know, if we're renting
space in your mind, that's fine with us. All
right, Rob, I'm pretty sure you got a bag of
garbage or something going on, don't you? He
sure does. The greatest segment ever. Oh, shit.
Oh, it was a good candy bar, too. Oh, what kind?
Let's see here. It was a Hershey's. Oh, it was
a Hershey's cake. Triple chocolate cake. Oh,
wow. It was good. I remember that. Very cool.
Okay. First up tonight. Okay. exposition, Dr.
Raymond Martinot embarked in a project that startled
the world. Driven by love and greed, he attempted
to ironically preserve his wife in a homemade
freezer. Hoping to halt decomposition and perhaps
one day restore life. Conducting entirely outside
of balance. of formal science, the experiment
fascinated some, horrified others, and became
a symbol of human ingenuity pushed to its emotional
limits. Years later, after Dr. Mark Knott's own
death, he joined his wife in the same experimental
preservation system. Both bodies were a shared
desire to defy mortality. But the dream faltered.
A malfunction in the cooling system thwarted
the process, leaving the ambitious hope that
was a good one that was good and uh i mean they
do have people cryogenically frozen all the time
now in hopes like whatever if the disease or
just old age in hopes of the fountain of youth
that they discover it and then if they do they
are to thaw them out and try to you know try
to fix them bring them to life or whatever you
know so All right, go ahead, Rob. He is so thoughtful.
Oh, my God, is he? Shit. Was that it? That was
it on that one. Here, have my penis. Save the
world. Yeah, high -speed pursuit. He cuts his
penis off and throws it at him. This will do
it. This will do it. This will save the world.
Watch this. Okay. Since that was so short, let's
go in one last time. How did it look? About as
good as you could expect, we'll put it that way.
That bad? Okay. She was a beautiful girl to begin
with. But, yeah, I mean, they did what they could
to try to make her look normal. I mean, there's
always going to be scholars on something like
that. Well, yeah, I mean, she essentially blew
her face off. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Okay. Was
that it? Yeah, that's it for tonight. Okay. All
right. Thank you, Rob. That was a great bag of
garbage. We always love your garbage. Thank you.
Let's take our second break, and then I got a
little story I want to go into. That sound like
what we want to do? Sounds good to me. All right.
We'll be right back. It's kind of like the same
trajectory as Jim Olsen. Yeah. Who was never
really destined to be a long -term rock star.
He was kind of... He didn't really want it. It
was torture. He was like... He didn't want the
fame, the publicity, the big crowds. He was trying
to get his message out, and he was good with
that. Do you know who Jim Carson's father was?
Who? He was the Navy Admiral, wasn't he? Do you
know which mission he was in? No. The Gulf of
Tonkin, which is what brought us into the Vietnam
War. Wow. Do you know when the Gulf of Tonkin
commission ended? As it ended? It ended. Do you
know which day it ended? The day Jim Morrison
died. No shit. Oh, by the way, we're doing a
podcast, okay? Just letting you know. What's
your name? Brandon. Brandon, nice to meet you.
I'm Mark. This is Christopher. Yeah, absolutely.
He's obviously, like the whole 60s movement,
the entire countercultural thing, the entire
CIA. Oh, yeah. No kidding. There's a documentary
on how the CIA introduced drugs, specifically
hallucinogens, into the pop music to try to control
it. Oh, no, I didn't know that. To try to wipe
out the protest part of it. Right, but if you
look at it, the whole movement was specifically
to get the anti -war crowd into deadheads. And
so they infiltrated everyone with drugs, and
they put on Woodstock. And if you look at the
paternal lineages of most of the popular culture,
music at that time... time. Mamas and the Papas,
Jimi Hendrix. A lot of military parents. All
military intelligence parents. Holy shit. Wow.
It's pretty ridiculous. That was kind of a warm
-up for, what was it, the 80s, when the CIA sold
crack to Farsi. Yeah, I mean, ever since JFK
was assassinated, the CIA has been running the
world. Now, what's your opinion on that, if you
have a minute? I mean, well, the kill shot was
obviously done by the driver of the car, which
is why Jackie Onassis crawled out of a moving
vehicle while there were snipers present, because
there wouldn't be any other explanation to crawl
out of a moving vehicle with snipers unless the
shooter was in the car. That makes perfectly
great sense, doesn't it? Yeah, so it's not like
some guy in the gutter or anything. It was the
driver with the pistol. It wasn't the guy in
the grassy knoll. No, no, no, no. It was the
fucking driver. No, they created these theories
to throw everybody off, you know? And again,
the whole point was for, was it J. Edgar Hoover
who became the CIA director? No, he was FBI.
Was it FBI director? No, J. Edgar Hoover was
FBI director. Who was CIA then? I'm not sure
exactly, but again, it's a giant play. Every
president is selected. They're not elected. We
agree 100%. Are you familiar with the fact that
every president, except for the eighth president,
Mark Van Buren, is related by blood to the same
man? I've heard that, but I didn't know that
was true. His name is John Lackland Plantagenet,
and he signed the Magna Carta. So every single,
every single U .S. president. I'm related to
King John. How come I'm not president? You're
not evil enough. Yeah, you have to fall into
it. You have to be a 33rd degree. A 33rd, yeah,
I do know what you're talking about there. You
don't want to lose that. Glad I didn't. I thought
I just stuck around and talked. You know, this
is, I told you this is a place to do a podcast.
This is. The most interesting people show up
here. Yeah, man, it's really interesting. If
you look into, another thing you should really
look into is, well, obviously the whole counterculture
movement thing was supposed to be started in...
in San Francisco, but the real actual beginning
of it started in Laurel Canyon in Los Angeles.
The Air Force had a building in Laurel Canyon,
which is allegedly where they filmed the moon
landing, Stanley Cooper directed. But it's, Jared
Leto used to live there, it's called... God,
what is it called? I'm blanking on the name of
the building. You've heard of the Wonderland
murders, right? Yeah. It's associated with the
Wonderland murders. It's right next door. And
the murders happened on the anniversary of the
Air Force filming location. No kidding. Laurel
Canyon is where the Manson murders took place,
I think? Laurel Canyon is related to that. Yes,
that's where the murders took place, the Sharon
Tate murders. Because that's where the record
producer used to live, and then he moved. Correct.
So he had the layout of the building because
he was there before when the record producer...
But I don't believe that's the actual motivation
for why he targeted that particular place. Oh
no, go ahead, by all means. Well, because again,
you have to realize that the entire anti -war
crowd... the military intelligence attempting
to turn them into murderous deadheads. That's
why they put him forth with those things. He
didn't kill anyone. No, he didn't. They had a
hard time. Yeah, that whole Vincent Bugliosi
helter -skelter theory. Yeah, exactly. Utter
bullshit. Absolute utter bullshit. And Manson
was quoted as saying... I am okay if you convict
me, but convict me for the right reasons. Not
this stupid helter -skelter crap. Convict me
for the real reasons. Because, yeah, he didn't
kill anyone. But, again, I believe he was put
in that place because of who he knew. Because
he had a lot of friends. Oh, he had a bunch of
influential friends. He was a pretty good musician,
but he couldn't get a record deal. So many people
came in and out. What was the deal with him and
the Beach Boys? What was the deal between him
and the Beach Boys? The Beach Boys tried to get
him a recording deal. We're going to introduce
him to, what was the guy's name? Dennis O 'Leary?
Mitchell? I'll be right back, actually. But yeah,
I just got all the deliveries. Oh, okay. Check
it out, though. I just want to finish that one
thought. To make all the hippies look like lunatics,
that's obviously the purpose of the Manson trial.
And obviously Jim Horst's father was running
the Gulf of Tonkin, setting up the Vietnam War,
and decommissioned on the same day that he died.
The Big Blue Blast, Timothy Leary, the Deadheads,
that whole acid movement, all CIA direct connections.
that the entire counterculture in and of itself
was manufactured for sure. That would tend to
explain why it seemed so easily successful. Right,
yeah, absolutely. It didn't go into a lot of
serious opposition until it was time for it to
run. That's a great point. And even though some
of those guys are brilliant, they still got someone
in their back pocket, you know what I mean? I
love... What's his name? Not to be weird, but
the other one is McKenna, Terrence McKenna. I
love Terrence McKenna's work, but like, you know,
who's funding his discourses, you know? And it's
just, yeah, it's just pretty, it's pretty remarkable.
But like, I gotta... I remember the name. I'm
going to look up the name of the Air Force building
in Laurel Canyon from which all of this manifested
from. Because, obviously, they tried to play
it as, like, Kate Ashbury, but that was, like,
some Jerry Garcia, like, made -up bullshit for
the narrative to be pushed. Yeah. And let me
just drop this video. Okay. All right. Cool.
It's amazing. Isn't it? I have seen Ed's documentary,
it's either on Amazon Prime or Netflix, but it's
CIA drugs counterculture movement. And I haven't
watched it yet, but it lays out how it was orchestrated
to control them. Imagine the panic in Washington
where all these students rise up and they're
making... Yeah, and the thing is, is at first
they tried to discredit them. And like, oh, you
know, those crazy drug -taking hippies. But then
when that didn't work, they had to go to different
actions. Yeah, they couldn't just say, well,
they're all potheads, hey, you can't trust a
pothead. Well, they made sense. And they were
telling the truth. Actually, people didn't give
a shit whether they were potheads or not. They're
like, these guys make more sense than you guys
do. But think about it, in the 60s, 20 years
earlier, pot was not legal, but very widespread.
20 years before Madden, it was legal. So, you
know, why would people get bent all of a sudden
over people smoking pot? Oh, because movies like
Reaper Madness. Yeah, Reaper Madness was a big
one. Yeah, that was all William Randolph Curtis.
Yeah, he wanted his timber holdings to retain
their value so he could destroy the possibility
of him. And you saw Henry Ford's hemp car, right?
Have you seen that? Yeah. I mean, an entirely
hemp plastic vehicle that ran on hemp oil. And
it was in the 30s. So, like, they were obviously,
they made gasoline obsolete at that time. Well,
the original diesel engine was designed around
bio -diesel. It was peanut oil, right? It was
supposed to be something that was alternative
to petroleum. As a matter of fact, you can run
a car on hydrogen. They have hydrogen cars. Yeah,
well, hydrogen on demand is a separate type of
hydrogen, which is actually what the CIA has
been murdering inventors about over the last
20, 30 years. Some guy made a water -powered
buggy, and he was poisoned during a meeting with
some, like, I forget which bureau, but it was
an agency of... America and he was poisoned he
ran out into the parking lot stream diving poison
then he died he was the one who invented a hydrolysis
mechanism that could split water into hydrogen
and oxygen gas and then he set up a series of
bubblers so it didn't accumulate too much in
the engine to cause like And so that's basically
all it is. You make electrolysis plates, you
run water through it, you split the molecules
into hydrogen and oxygen gas, and then you burn
the hydrogen and oxygen gas. But you only make
as much gas as you need to propel the vehicle,
so you don't have an accumulation. Yeah, you
don't have an accumulation. You can actually
run that experiment yourself. My oldest brother
did that. He put two wires down into some water
and sealed a jar and then he ran a current. through
those wires yeah it's called a hoffman apparatus
and they just he just waited and and you know
each day i'd look at it the water level had gone
down a little bit but the water wasn't leaving
the jar it was just turning into hydrogen and
oxygen free hydrogen free oxygen that's pretty
freaking cool burned out that little motor because
it wasn't designed for that but you can get like
a hundred miles to the gallon of water wow yeah
that's how powerful it is that's why they don't
want you to hear about it oh yeah another cool
thing is it's water Yeah, exactly. And you can
also use seawater because it needs an electrolyte
anyway. So you don't even have to desalinate
it. It's kind of amazing. But of course, the
Rockefeller Petrol Standard Oil Cabal couldn't
longer it. It was like, you know, enforcing their...
Well, they demonized it. Oh, that doesn't work.
The cigarette industry has been suppressing the
marijuana industry for decades. Oh, God, yeah,
well, they started out with their Reefer Madness
stuff, and, you know, man, you know, how absurd
that, well, if you, if a black man smokes a pot,
he's going to come rape your white dog. What
a, what a fucked up premise this is. Stupid,
racist, ignorant. Yeah. I mean, yeah, the idea
of just, like, anything from nature being outlawed
is... It is, it's absurd, isn't it? Especially
when you have nature pushed on everybody right
now. Everything they do is organic and fresh
and local. I like Carlos Santana's viewpoint
on that. Anything from nature, he's okay taking.
Like peyote, mescaline. When it gets bad is when
man screws with it. created things like LSD,
we'll touch it. Yeah, heroin has been so processed,
cocaine has been so heavily processed, chemically,
yeah. So, you know, if I can go pick a plant,
that's fine. That's as far as I want to go. Okay,
so it's called Lookout Mountain Laboratory. Okay,
and it became operational exactly 666 weeks and
6 days after the founding of the Tavistock Institute
and 3 ,303 days before the launch of Apollo 11.
And this is the alleged to be the filming location
of Stanley Kubrick's version of the moon landing.
And it's the Wonderland murders happened on the
anniversary of... this building it happened on
september 20th and um there's some wonderland
connections in there too you know that from all
the pop shows if you have time i want to expand
on a couple of things i want to get your version
on this because you're very well read and you
have a wide mind you know you're accepting a
lot of different ideas the solution to it all
that holds everything together seems to be this
thing called gematria And Gematria is basically
a secret language hidden within language in which
an alphanumeric, a numerical value to a word
is established based on the arrangement of letters.
So A is the first letter of the alphabet, so
it's 1. Z is the last letter of the alphabet,
so it's number 26. Then you add the letters and
the words together and you get a numerical value.
Yeah, because everything is numerology. Exactly.
And then so what they do is they take the value
of these words and then they correlate them with
the distance between dates in the Gregorian calendar.
So for instance, like... One example, the word
earthquake equals 107, okay? Okay. And this company
named Robin Hood Markets, it's founded in the
San Francisco Bay Area. It was founded on the
anniversary of the San Francisco, the 1906 San
Francisco earthquake. Is this the one that has
the app and all that? Yeah, yeah, Robin Hood,
the one that's in the news recently. Yes, yeah.
The Jamie Short Sweet stuff and all that. So
Robin Hood is actually... It was founded on the
107th anniversary of the earthquake in San Francisco,
and the word earthquake was 107. Okay, now what's
your opinion on why they would do that? Well,
I mean, that's a much larger kind of disassociated
thread from what we're talking about in relation
to the Golden Gate Bridge, and it's like hidden
meanings. But again, the reason why they're doing
these things in sequence and in numerical order
has to do with... I mean, the creation of the
universe, it goes back to, it's allegedly like,
you know, God created the word, and then he said,
let there be light. So the word being the foundation
to the physical reality, okay, is what is referenced
here. It's the same stuff that they're doing
when they're reading the Torah, and they're trying
to come up with the numerical calculations of
the Torah, because it's more regularly known
in Hebrew that a letter is equal to a number.
like it's it's already identified but in english
it's been like suppressed heavily and um but
like many people talk about it like manly p hall
mentions it um a lot of people in theosophical
society people who understand like the the um
the bridging of the gaps between science and
spirituality the reason they're doing it is because
of the nature of this universe and how it is
numerically fashioned and through the word of
God. And that's what they're trying to connect
with. They're trying to do the work of God, but
they're inverting it. I get what you're saying.
They're inverting the principles. And I've heard
stuff along the lines, not quite what you're
going into, but I've heard this for a long time
about how they try to replicate it and break
everything down into numbers. Even commercials
on TV use numbers to sell. whether it's flashing
or what they say according to their value. Are
you familiar with what I'm talking about? Yes,
I am. I follow it religiously. They call it something.
There's a term that they use regularly in it
that they put into commercials and even TV shows.
You know, like product placement. Say this is
a Pepsi cup, okay? Like, let's say it's the new
Batman movie coming out. Pepsi pays them a lot
of money to have this cup next to Batman. But
they do it subliminally. without you knowing
it with flashes numbers everything and all anyone
that could decode it can tell you what it's actually
trying to get across to you yeah and if you learn
gematria you can see that pretty much every major
established institution uses this code in order
to conduct their schedules and because they're
trying to match everything up with like the greater
cosmos yeah like they're trying to yeah exactly
yeah because that's what creates manifestation
if you're in in phase with the greater cosmos
then you literally become identical to it energetically
well as i was going to say earlier with all the
pop shows i watched anniversary dates are a big
deal i mean that's how they catch a lot of criminals
in real life because yeah are a big deal and
they mean a lot to a lot of people Yes. So someone
who would dismiss that as, oh, anniversary day
is just coincidence. Well, we live in a society
that every day is an anniversary anyhow. It's
like you get with your girlfriend or significant
other or whatever. The time you meet them is
an anniversary. The time you started dating is
an anniversary. The time you propose is an anniversary.
The time you get married is an anniversary. Anniversary
of someone's death. Anniversary of God's death.
Here's Jim Morrison as an example. This is a
decode done by someone on Twitter by the name
of Brother Berg. His handle is ExtraCapsa, and
this is his work. But so for Jim Morrison as
an example, he was 330 months, 3 weeks, and 3
days old on his final night alive, which was
exactly 3 months and 3 weeks after he moved to
Paris. and 33 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days before
the death of his girlfriend, who found him in
the bathtub. And she didn't really find him in
the bathtub. Yeah, yeah. Well, the bathtub's
a very interesting thing, too. I mean, a lot
of people have died in bathtubs, like Whitney
Houston died in a bathtub. Elvis was a shitter,
though, wasn't he? Yeah, he was a shitter, definitely,
yeah. Well, he was a bad dude. Yeah, he clogged
him up. Yeah, it was a bathtub. There is a symbol
behind the bathtub thing. There definitely is.
I'm not 100 % on it. Come on, we all know he
was trying to rub one out. That's how he died.
Come on. Well, there's also a lot of weird deaths
recently, too, of people being hanged on their
own doorknobs. Yes. I mean, from Epstein. Well,
Epstein wasn't a doorknob. Epstein was allegedly...
But even then, there was no doorknob where he
was. But you know what I'm saying? How the fuck
does that happen? It doesn't. Michael Hutchins
from NXS. Oh, he was one of the first ones. David
Carradine. Yes, David Carradine. And then a lot
of those guys like Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain
and Chris Cornell. I'm pretty sure they were
all hung by their doorknob. With a black tie.
or a black piece of cloth from the doorknob.
Sounds like Rachel. What is a symbol? Yeah, so.
But, I mean, that goes, the way, if you follow
this, because, like, again, Gematria isn't just,
like, it's every institution. It's how they script
sports, for instance. It's how all Masonic sports
are scripted. Baseball, football, basketball.
And those are all occulted. astrological rituals
like basketball for instance represents the ball
represents pisces which if you look at the basketball
it has the symbol of pisces on it looks like
an h it really does and then the symbol for aquarius
is an urn which is what the hoop is so it represents
the age of aquarius going into pisces or sorry
the age of pisces going into the earth and but
again they're doing it in a way that they're
two teams with two goals so they never actually
progress so like It creates a dualistic opposition
that allows for no progress. And that's exactly
what sports is all designed for. Football, again,
the shape of the football is called a vesica
pisces. It all is like Kabbalistic and astrological
references that bring everything in. And then
everything with sports is scripted. Like who's
traded when and who breaks their leg during what
game. You know, it's just, it's incredible. Well,
basketball has been the most notorious because
it has been admitted that they influence games
at the very least. Right, and so an interesting
thing outside of that to bring the basketball
into the whole death rituals is Kobe Bryant.
Kobe Bryant died right before the coronavirus
pandemic, right? Just right before. And he was
buried in Corona Del Mar. He was. He was, that's
right. And yeah, there's a ton of shit with Kobe
Bryant. I can't think of it all right now. Well,
supposedly he was part of the elitist... He's
in the Boulay Society. Yes. Most every black
person that's in the public eye has gone through
the Boulay Society. Like, what's his name, married
to... We're hitting maximum recording time. I
think it's an hour. But, okay, like... Damn it,
I forgot his name. Joe Camel. Oh, you're talking
about the goat? Oh, yeah, the goat, too. I'm
talking about the guy that looks like Joe Campbell
that is married to Beyonce. It looks like Jay
-Z. Well, Jay -Z's a good example of what we're
just talking about. Yeah, 100%. He's always doing
the symbolism and all that. Yeah, 100%. He's
really in the face about it. Beyonce's really
interesting, too, because she has... She's one
of the few people who has actually claimed that
the person that she is when she's on stage is
actually not her, but a demon that possesses
her. Yes. You know what I mean? There have been
a lot of performers and musicians coming out
talking about rampant pedophilia and Satanism.
Well, what about our government? Well, yeah,
I mean, that goes back to... Lady Gaga, Macaulay
Culkin. It goes to its power that it possessed
by ruining a child. Not killing them, but killing
them. Well, it has to do with a lot with the
mechanics of disassociative identity disorder
primarily because what they're doing is they're
actually, this is the method by which they create
mentoring candidates. You just made a little
bit of sense out of it right there. So what they're
doing is they're sodomizing children before the
age of three or five so that they can have an
electrostatic charge that fractures their brain
stem and creates multiple personality disorder.
It's literally using kundalini against a person.
And it's forcing them into a spiritual experience
before they're ready for it, which literally
electrophysiologically shatters their brainstem.
I've got a question for you real quick because
I want to get this in on the podcast. Is it satanic?
Satanic ritual abuse has to do with... Satan
represents usually like separation, right? Like
the principality of separating yourself from
God. Yeah, so I mean, they call it satanic ritual
abuse. Whether or not all the practitioners are
worshipping Satan directly, that's up for debate.
They're doing it for their own reasons. Yeah,
and again, most of them probably are ignorant,
and most of them are probably just being told
to do a certain thing in order to get a certain
cause and effect. Like, you do this, we'll give
you this amount of fame, or we'll give you this
contract for this number of, you know, whatever.
But a lot of people lose what the satanic elite
want in their followers. is broken people who
have their closest thing to their hearts taken
away from them so that they can maintain control.
For instance, Eric, who died, right? Yeah, the
baby. Yeah, exactly. So, like, just stuff like
that. They take whatever's closest to you in
order to propagate your fame in their institutions.
Satan, Luciferian stuff, that's, like, I mean,
that's more occult. And I don't... I think it's
completely and utterly real. I do too. In its
own regard. But it's just the way that people
are interfacing with it may or may not be entirely.
Right. There's some people that are just using
it for their own ends without really believing
in things. 100%. Everything is inversion. Because
again, darkness has no creativity. You are currently
listening to Deep Sky. This is a name we came
up with this guy because he really doesn't want
to be identified. Anyhow. He's very entertaining.
He has a lot of information. He's very intelligent.
Whether you believe it or not is up to you, but
there's no doubt the guy's intelligent and he's
very entertaining. So just like us, enjoy. You
can unravel it all later, whatever. This sigil
here of Lucifer connected with Satan overlaid
on the four Kabbalistic worlds. So this, for
instance, here, this is the devil tarot card.
And you notice the geometries here, the horns,
the staff here, this wing here, this pentagram
here with the wings here, and the VS, right?
So if you take the sigils, you get the V from
the Lucifer, the S from the Satan. You get the
wing and the staff of fire here and here. You
get the tail here, tail here. Okay, you have
the crown, which is, if you look here, it looks
exactly like a goat. Oh, wow. And the goat face
right here. Uh -huh. Okay. And you have this,
like, but there's also this, like, superior being
where he kind of looks like a jester, where it
has two eyes, a nose, a mouth here. Wow. That,
to me, is, like, really awkward to look at because
it's very similar to something I've seen during
DMT experiences, which is very trippy. But this
is the devil card. The devil tarot is using the
seals. I'm very familiar with it because I know
people that use the tarot cards. And anyhow,
they always describe to me the devil card is
more about vices. What gets in your way, what
bothers you, which is in stone songs. The devil
represents the Lord to the gate of matter. So
really what he's doing is he's the one who decides
who gets to be real and who doesn't. Oh, okay.
So the people don't know what the hell they're
talking about. Yeah, I mean, everything's inverted
for the most part. So, like, I mean, but again,
the devil, yeah, Satan is the king of the world.
And that's what all of the occultists are believing,
and that's why they worship him, because he's
actually the king of this realm. Well, yeah,
if you look at it and you believe it to Scripture,
this... He is the king of the world. Look at
everything. You go out there in Kansas City and
how many people are getting murdered, how many
people are cheating on other people, how many
people are backstabbing them, human trafficking.
This world is shit. Look over there in Ukraine
right now. And this is the dumbest state in the
sense that it's the only one that's dumb enough
to have two federal residence locations. But
yeah, it's just like... That's actually a good
point. It's pretty ridiculous if you ask me how
much they buy into it. But yeah, look at all
these demonic sigils. So this is Baal. Baal fits
perfectly. This is Lucifer. Coincidentally, I
noticed Baal being used in movies here recently.
Baal is the king of... hell, basically. Yes.
He's the ruler of the 70s. He's like the demon
of demons. Yes, exactly. And he's been used in
several movies. I wish I could remember what
the name of them were as the bad character. Yeah.
Totally. I mean, anything with the root word
ball, like B -A -A -L or B -A -L -L, basketball,
baseball. Never thought about that. It's ball.
Ball is like world. Yeah. And it's a sphere.
It's a sphere, too. And if you notice anything
about geometry and power. Spears are horrible
shapes for energetic flow. Yeah, that's true.
They trap energy. Yeah, they're like a stopping
point. The egg would be the preferred geometry
for resonance of force energies. Makes sense.
So the balls are very restrictive. Also, the
other thing, too, is you just follow the black
cube, right? All of the Abrahamic religions,
they're symbols, okay? You have the... Christians,
which worship the cross. You have the Jews, which
worship the star. And you have the Muslims, which
worship the moon. But the Muslims also have a
black cube, the hajj, that they worship around.
Oh, I didn't know that. It's a black cube, just
a straight black cube. I knew about the crescent,
but I had no idea. Right, okay. So check it out,
though. Where else do you see the black cube?
If you turn a cube, it's diagonal, and you spin
it, you get a six -pointed star, like the Jewish
symbol. And if you take the cube and you unfold
it, You get a cross. Wow. So every Abrahamic
religion is worshipping the black cube of Saturn.
Saturn represents Satan. Satan represents the
archetypal forces that hold everything down into
matter. So the reason they're worshipping hexagons
is because that is the shape that traps life
force energy into a position. So there is a matrix
here that's based on hexagrams that's keeping
us... from exiting the matrix and the recycling
process is called reincarnation so we're being
reincarnated in a false prison matrix on a local
level because some overlord has taken over this
region of space and created a mechanism by which
our souls cannot escape and they get reinserted
into us and they also lose their memory every
time they incarnate which is not a normal process
apparently yeah so the indians have known about
this for a long time oh yeah Yeah, and also too,
though, the Native Americans have a lot of stories,
the Hopi especially. The Hopi know a lot about
the origins of things. They know that the Ant
people, but the Ant people could very well be
the same people that the Bible is written about.
You know what I mean? I believe that the lineage
of the Old Testament, the Bible, is actually
the bloodline of the colonizers of this planet.
So they're not the good guys. Christians are
worshiping Yahweh, and Yahweh is Satan. And his
brother is Lucifer. And Lil Yahweh, the Old Testament
God, is archetypally indistinguishable from Satan.
Wow. And his brother is actually the progenitor
of the human race, because it was his DNA that
created people. Oh, good. His name is Enki. Hello.
You ever seen the movie Prometheus? I'm just
talking about that. Yeah, oh yeah, sure is. Remember
at the beginning where that guy goes down to
that planet and he dissolves himself so his DNA
would create life on that planet? Yeah. That's
kind of like a simplified version of what you
were just saying. The movie Prometheus? Yes,
100%. Yeah, where the guy dissolves and his DNA
seeds the planet. That's exactly it, yeah. That
has to do with the Osiris story, but predominantly
it comes from the Anunnaki. which are from Nibiru,
which they have a caste system, and they are
lizard people. Like, they look like amphibians.
So, like the ancient Sumerian statues of these
frog -looking entities, that's like an actual
depiction of what these entities are. Slightly
different note. All these people with their luggage
with them, getting ready to go back home, wherever.
Basketball. Interesting. Yeah, I mean, this is
the best ball game. Yeah, I mean, like right
there, there's someone with luggage here for
the ball game. This town's very sports enthusiastic.
Face it, we've got nothing else. Yeah, I know.
It's really a sad thing. I've lived here for
a year now, so it's like it's starting to wear
on me a little bit. Where are you from? I'm from
Los Angeles. Oh, okay. So, yeah, like going backwards
on the trade. That would make sense on your expanded.
Yeah, it's the Colts. capital of the world. Yeah,
it is. Always has been. Yeah, exactly. In Pasadena,
especially, it's like Theosophical Society is
there. Oh, yeah. And just all these amazing cults.
Oh, yeah. Scientology is there. Oh, yeah. And
they're fucking... Well, we got a big hub of
them now here in Kansas City. Oh, yeah. No, I've
seen the building here. It's not anything compared
to the real estate they have in Los Angeles.
Well, it's funny because I see how they lure
people. During winter, they have this winter
wonderland out there. Yeah. It has these big
candy canes and these giant elves and stuff.
Come on in. Bring your kids on in. Yeah. No,
I get it, man. It's really funny. I mean, like.
No different than a megachurch. Yeah, I mean,
but look at what these churches are doing. I
mean, look at fucking Christmas. Look at Christmas.
What in the fuck do the symbols of Christmas
have to do? It's actually from a mushroom cult.
It's entirely based on an Egyptian Osirian mushroom
cult. Really? I'll kill you. Every single symbol
for Christmas is an Amanita muscaria symbol.
So Amanita muscaria grows. The mushrooms bloom
at night, so you would naturally go out the longest
night of the year, which is December 21st. And
then you would go hunting. You would bring a
reindeer in order to go hunting with it because
they sniff out the mushrooms and they eat the
mushrooms. And then they pee out the mushrooms.
And then you drink the pee and you get a sniff.
People will do to get stoned. I know. That's
what I'm saying. This is what they used to do.
So you can't really imbibe the mushrooms yourself
without getting sick unless you dry them appropriately
or you pass them through a reindeer. And so the
way that you would dry them appropriately is
you would put them in a stocking over a fire,
or you would hang them on the pine tree that
they grow on. There you go. So that's basically
all the symbols. That makes a lot of sense. And
then you eat the mushrooms, and then you go to
the North Pole, and you meet Santa's helpers.
And the Santa's helpers, the elves, what they're
actually doing is they're energetic elementals,
and they are actually creating matter out of
sound and light. So their job is literally creating
presence, creating presence of gifts, creating
gift of presence, creating now, creating material
reality. And so, and yeah, the whole North Pole
thing, it has to do with, you know, your Kundalini
and the imbibing of the psilocybin or psilocin.
And yeah, it's the color scheme, the cookies,
the milk and cookies, the cookies are a mushroom
cap, dried mushroom cap. Because the Amanita
Muscaria cap is red with white dots. Exactly.
Yeah, wow. So it looks like a chocolate chip
cookie. Yeah, exactly. Makes sense. So every
single Christmas symbol, including the three
-day drying period, because it's all based on
the fact that the longest night of the year is
December 21st, and then you can't see the length
of day grow for three days. So then on December
25th is the first day that you notice that we're
going into the new season. So it's the rebirth
of the sun. Trio's of things. Powerful. It's
amazing. I had a great time talking to you. You
ever read the book Imagica? Hang on. Imagica
is an excellent book. It has a whole different
take on the five dominions, the reality we live
in, and a whole different take on... You know,
Jesus was a reconciler, not a Messiah. He was
there to reconcile the dominions back into one.
Yeah, 100%. It's a really interesting read. We
come up here a lot and just bullshit. Yeah, me
too. I'm here like honestly every day almost.
Really? All right. Like Monday or Tuesday at
this time. Yeah. Here, let me write down. Oh,
okay. No, I can't do it because I'm recording.
Okay, I'll just write it on here. Okay. I would
love to talk to you guys. I study this stuff
primarily. Tentatively, our podcast is going
to be called Two Douchebags with a Microphone.
Only we don't have a microphone yet. It's really
good. I like it. I've been flirting with the
idea of getting into the podcast. You should.
I just don't want the negative tension. Especially
with Gematria. It's basically the killing. It's
the code by which murder is done secretly. So,
like, obviously no one using it negatively is
going to want the information exposed. And I've
just had some very surreal experiences, like,
trying to put out information. Like, I'll, like,
do a decode and then something fucking unexplainable
will happen to me shortly thereafter. Yeah. Well,
here, I'll tell you what, the next one we do,
if you choose to want to be a part of it, is...
We'll go into some different stuff like theories
on cryptocurrency. Just theories. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. You know, just like what you think it might
be, what it's going to. Clearly, it's obviously
the mark of the beast. Everything that's going
on right now is like Revelation 13, 17. We're
literally in the book of Revelations right now.
Yeah, we are. About the only time we're in there
is like right now. It's pretty remarkable. And
then we go away, which is very concerning. I
mean, I'm... Or at least the way I read it. I
don't believe in... the way that they preach
fear in those religious texts. Oh, okay, I know
what you mean. I don't mean it like that. What
I mean is the omission of us after that is what
gets me. Because I don't think I see any mention
of us after this. That's interesting. I think
that, again, it's all about, I think that we've
been here a lot longer than they claim to be.
I think the entire origin of it. I'll be right
back. Look, I mean, they can't get anything else
right. Why do they get this right? Why all of
a sudden they got this one gem, this one gem,
and everything else is shit? Right, no, but it's
very interesting. I think that the biblical,
the antediluvian, like the flood, like there
was a world before the flood. And I believe that
the flood did kind of like... Plants the world,
yeah. And whether it be sent by God or if it
was just like... a plasma apocalypse based on
the, you know, position of the planets. Yeah,
it could have been, yeah. You know, but it's...
It could have been a tidal wave. Who the hell
knows? I think everything that we're going through
is directly related to this, like, plasma apocalypse
that I know is coming because the Earth's poles
are shifting so that they're trying to prepare
us for this, like, this inevitable future. And
they want it to be like the Georgia Guidestones
feature where there's, like, only 500 ,000 people
in the world and everyone else is just wiped
out. I got to look it up. The Center to Use Control
had these statistics out, and they had the world
marked down in 10 years to 100 million people.
They're never accurate with their projections
of how much they want us to die. No, I know,
but I mean... Coronavirus being the prime example.
They're totally inflating numbers in order to
get their... It's all about central banking digital
currency. It's the whole reason that this whole
shit is happening. is because what the injections
most likely really are is an attempt for them
to hook us up biologically to the internet of
things and the internet of bio nanotech so that's
why they're injecting us with uh paramagnetic
uh like substances and um do you know what the
substance they use to track this injection is
called it uses a bioluminescence and it's called
Luciferase. Luciferase. Lucifer, A -Z -E. Yeah,
Luciferase. Lucifer means light bringer. Exactly.
So what they're doing is they're bringing light.
Yeah, the god of light. And they're using light
bioluminescence to track these things around
your body. And not to mention they're using graphene
dioxide or graphene oxide, which is like a paramagnetic
thing that they can use frequencies to... build
structures, nanostructures. Yeah, I've heard
of graphene. So it has to do with carbon nanotubes
and that kind of stuff. Star Trek stuff. I've
got something on a slightly different note. My
mind's going everywhere in case there's conversations.
But okay, when people die and then they come
back whenever, later, whatever, you know, they
see light. Lucifer. Yeah, it's the false light.
It's the false light. Don't go into the light.
That's what I always thought. Don't ever go into
the light. Go into here. heart. Because that's
one thing that has never been argued. Everybody
sees this light. That's the false slate mechanism.
They say that the actual moon itself has a nuclear
machine inside of it that they're using for this
recycling program. There's literally a soul recycling
plant inside of them. And basically it's a nuclear
reactor that snatches your soul as it tries to
escape the... Because when you die, you maintain
self -awareness to a degree. And then you can
either continue with self -awareness or just
dissipate into nothingness, depending on how
self -aware you are. So you kind of speak your
own existence, like everybody. Yeah, absolutely.
And if you don't maintain that awareness, like
if you go into the light rather than into your
heart center, the heart of hearts. then you will
get distracted by all these holographic spiritual,
like, fourth, lower dimensional things. Because
everything requires food. And even things in
the fourth dimension, things without bodies,
plasma entities, they still need food in order
to survive. They need energy. And so that's why
they set up these parasitic, you know, soul traps
for large planetary bodies of people to fall
into their system so that they can be... It's
called Lush. Lush is the life force energy that
is taken against your will. Your mention of distraction
really struck a chord with me. In Frank Herbert's
Dune books, he talks about Gafla, the gadfly
distraction. It's one little thing that's a distraction,
but it can totally ruin your life. Because you're
distracted by this little thing, and then everything
momentous happens. You're distracted driving.
It kills you. And so in Dune, spice is louche.
Yeah. They're indistinguishable. So, like, the
way that they're getting energy is through us,
you know? Just like how the money system works,
you know, recently. Like, we are the collateral
for the debts that are being taken out by the
government. Wow. That is scary, and we are, yeah.
Yeah. We really are. Soylent Green is people,
but Soylent Green is money. Yeah. And money is
made out of people. Yep. And every dollar in
circulation is someone in debt. Yeah, indentured
servants. We all are. By this society. Hey, we'll
talk to you soon, okay, man? All right, sounds
great. That was cool. That was very cool. That
was awesome. This is Joshua Belmont, your food
for thought man on The Hustle. Today, we would
like to celebrate Mr. Timothy J. Brottux, who
is credited for the invention of two -ply toilet
paper. Because of you, Timmy. We no longer have
to spend 10 minutes scrubbing our fingernails
after every dump. Mr. Bratox, you are a true
hero. Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
May every time you put on your shoelaces, the
laces be tied in a knot. You watched the news.
It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We
suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the
post -apocalypse. One of the most overlooked
post -apocalypse need is first aid. Have several
kits and metal canisters, one in your bunker
and the rest buried near natural markers such
as odd trees or natural clearings, gauze, salve,
ointment. antibiotics, sutures, thread, needles,
sharp knives, and scissors should be in all of
the kits. People often ask, how do we cram so
much money into one little shell? Well, it's
simple. We buy funny in bulk on the internet.
Hey, Mark, you're wanted at the front door. There's
a big bag of funny they need you to sign for.
Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be right there. I'm
still sorting out the funny we got from yesterday.
There's your answer. We buy funny in bulk on
the internet. Sir, I see your qualifications
here. May I ask some further questions that could
help me determine your employment eligibility?
Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,
we have a large population of different ethnic
backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by
chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why
you need that kind of information, but, well,
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered
it experimental. Great news, assholes. You can
now email the douches anytime, anywhere. In the
middle of a job interview. No big deal. Taking
a bath? No problems there. Tap dancing. Easy
as pie. Just send it to 2douches at mail .com.
Do it now, pussies, or I'll smash you in the
junk. Now it's time for pickup lines from a loser.
Are you a banana? You look appealing. This is
Two Douchebags and Microphone. I am Mark, here
in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap
studio, and I like to make goat noises. And I
am Rob, in Wheeling, Missouri, home of the magnificent
Lucas Oil Speedway and Water Track, and also
home of Peckham O's Country Store, where you
can find all... I just got a bulletin, Rob. It
says that there's a brand new ice rink at the
Lucas Oil Speedway. And that's where the water
track was. That's why I keep seeing everybody
over there. Yeah, yeah, yep. Yeah, it's the water
track. It throws over. They turned the water
track into an ice rink. Yeah, yeah. So there
you go. I think something for the 377 people
to do. Yes, that's true. Go out there and like
fly around on the ice. Most of them are elderly.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. They can do it even better. They've
been doing it their whole life, right? Yeah.
Yeah. I remember as a child skating around on
whatever ice we could, you know, on a pond or
whatever. And you'd be flying around. And it's
a weird thing because you'd start sweating. And
then when you'd stop, it would freeze on your
face. Good times, right? All right, I got a story
here. There was an adult Chuck E. Cheese in Kansas
City until last week when it closed permanently.
An adult Chuck E. Cheese. I'm not kidding you.
This is what they call it. This is what it said
on the store front. Adult Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah,
place, I'd never heard about it until it closed.
I mean, it sounded fun. Pinball games, arcade
games, bowling, shitty pizza. You know, it sounds
like Sky Zone had a slow little brother named
Adult Chuck E. Cheese. Doesn't it? The male mouse
running around in a bikini. Ah, yes, yes, you
can't beat that. Mini, mini going around, mini
slut. Isn't that great? Yeah, mini slut. So,
I can tell you why it failed, though. What if
you went there and you saw some friends, right?
You'd never be able to erase the pussy image
that you would receive. Because people go, is
that the guy that was at the adult Chuck E. Cheese?
Yeah, yeah, that's him. Oh, my gosh. Man, what
a pussy. Just don't look at him. Maybe he'll
leave. We don't need him around here. We don't
need that kind of shit. So, I mean, you know,
to me, that's the equivalent of walking into
a Jack booth and seeing your pastor coming out
of one of the booths. Yeah. Yeah. It's like,
oh, no. Oh no, they saw me. I come out of the
adult Chuck E. Cheese. I mean, you'd never get
over that, right? I mean, people would always
talk about that. And that's the guy right there.
That guy right there? He went to the adult Chuck
E. Cheese? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He actually paid
to get in there? Yeah. Oh my gosh. So, I've got
a question though, Rob. Okay. If you weigh 99
pounds and you eat a pound of nachos, does that
mean that you are 1 % nachos? I'm going to say
yeah. I say yeah, too. Technically, yes. All
right. If you drop soap on the floor, is the
soap dirty or is the floor clean? I'm going to
say the soap's dirty because all the germs that
was on the floor is now transferred to the soap,
right? No? Yes. Sorry, I had to mute you for
a second. No, that's okay. Okay, here's the last
one I'm going to do for right now, and then we'll
get to you and what you want to do. If you're
clean after taking a shower, how does the towel
get dirty when you wipe yourself off? You're
clean, right? No. You just got out of the shower
and you're clean. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's
clean water. Yeah. It's already washed everything
off of you. Yeah. I mean, just don't dig too
much in your ass crack, you know, because, you
know. Yeah, you got to watch that. Yeah, you
got to watch that. And don't be swiping your
balls too much. And you might want to wash your
towel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you got to let your
bowl strip dry because you don't want to take
a swipe on your towel. And then the next time
when you take a shower, you take the bowl gravy
that you had on the towel and you rub it all
over your face because you forgot, right? Yep.
Yep. So we're here to help. We're here to help.
So that being said, Rob, let's go to you. All
right. Well, I got another criminal for us. Oh,
good. Good, good, good. Madison neighborhood
were left baffled yesterday after local man William
Darby, 62, was arrested for allegedly stealing
garden gnomes from multiple flower beds. Hell
yeah. Yes. Well, you all see his picture. You'd
understand. Is that good? the cover of darkness,
leaving a trail of upturned mulch and bewildered
lawn ornaments in his wake. Neighbors say he
targeted gnomes of all shapes and sizes, from
tiny pointy hat classics to the rare gnome holding
a fishing pole. I woke up and my gnome was gone,
exclaimed Wonder, isn't it? I think he even took
my Mr. Stubbles. The one with the Santa hat.
And that one was supposed to guard the azaleas.
The Boone County man was apprehended when officers
spotted him trying to resell a gnome collection
on Facebook Marketplace. Listed under slightly
used, emotionally unstable yard prints. Uh -huh.
Uh -huh. chin and maybe a slight mustache. Yeah,
no, he looks like a type. Yeah, you look him
up. I will. I'm going to. When we get done with
this podcast, I will, Rob. Thank you. Sounds
cool to me. All right. Do you want to keep going
or do you want to end it? It's 9 .17. Actually,
I think I'm about done. You know what? Me too,
man. It's been a long day. I had to go to work
early. People drove like shit. Snow was everywhere.
It was fucking five below. I think I'm ready
for bed. I got you, dude. I don't fucking blame
you, dude. All right, Rob, thank you for joining
us once again. It's not bad. It's not bad. That's
cool. Cool. All right, everybody, thank you for
listening. Good night, assholes. Good night,
assholes.