WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:24.329
download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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screen the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. Hey, peeps, it's time for the

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police blotter. That's right. Stories about stupid

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criminals and the dumb assness that ensued. Let

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us begin now. An Ohio man was arrested after

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authorities said he mistakenly sent a baggie

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of crystal meth through a tube at a bank drive

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-thru last week. Jason G. Smith, 46, was cuffed

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on December 3. After a swift investigation in

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to an unexpected deposit, he made at the bank

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in Woodsfield, Ohio, according to a press release

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from Monroe County Sheriff's Office. Smith drove

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away from the bank without realizing his mistake.

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An employee reported the baggie he left. He was

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picked up on a drug charge soon after. Hey, all

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you ginger snaps. It's time for the douchebag

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question of the week. Turn all answers into two

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douches at mail .com. Spell out the number two.

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Send in your replies or Rob will find you. He

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is waiting for the word. Don't be bashful. You'll

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get yourself hurt. The question of the week is,

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are superstitions a must in your day -to -day

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life? For instance, you're on your way to work

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and a black cat runs in front of your car. Do

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you split down a side road or do a U -turn to

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void the bad luck? Email us at twodouchesatmail

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.com. That's the number two spelled out, kids.

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So don't fuck it up. Here we go. Signs that you

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might be a pussy. Signs that you might be a pussy.

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If you've ever had Phil Collins or Oingo Boingo

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posters on your wall... If you've ever raised

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your coffee mug or tea glass with your pinky

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extended. If you often lotion up your hands with

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no apparent reason. If you like poached eggs.

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If you sing along to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

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Or if you have ever wore a pair of Crocs, even

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just trying them out. You are a pussy. You watch

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the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?

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We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

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and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the

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post -apocalypse. Remember, post -apocalypse

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to have a sewage bit. Sewage untreated can result

00:05:04.759 --> 00:05:09.120
in serious illness and other obstacles for your

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family to live well. You also should have some

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chemicals stocked up. maybe bags of chlorine

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or something of such, to sanitize the sewage

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per week. Two douchebags, a microphone, and an

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effort to keep everything fresh. We offer you

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first world problems. What the hell? Bridge construction?

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Shit. I cannot believe they have to repair this

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bridge after 50 years. Man, what am I going to

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do now? I can't wake up ten minutes earlier just

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to get to work. This is complete bullshit. I'm

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gonna write my congressman. Your mama's so fat,

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Dracula bit her neck. And got diabetes. Hey,

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good kid. No one gives an ounce of shit what

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you had for breakfast. Not even the person on

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the other end. You look like a mentally slow

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driv yelling into thin air all through the store.

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I pray that Bluetooth shorts you out and blows

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up your eardrums. What men consider self -centered

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dunce. Monty constantly coddled this dummy and

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it fucking shows. Go look back home and bore

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your dog. Wait, you probably forgot the theming

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because you're too busy looking in the mirror

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all day. Fuck off. Good evening. This is Two

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Deuce Bags and Microphone. We are a podcast.

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I am Mark, and I am the Kansas City end of this

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podcast at what I call the Talk is Cheap studio,

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and I also like to make goat noises after I introduce

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myself, which would be like this. And I am Rob

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in Wheeler, Missouri, home of the magnificent

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Lucas Oil Speedway and Water Track. I hear you

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need butt plugs there. Is this true? Okay, those

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I have not found, but you know, they have things

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that might work. Okay. Go to the plumbing section,

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they might work. You can go to the wine section

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and take a cork. Wouldn't that be a butt plug?

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Yeah. All right. Okay. I don't know if they have

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butt plugs. I kind of doubt it. But anyhow. You'll

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find something. I guarantee it. Yes. Yeah. Cool

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store. All right. They are that good. They are

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that good. Miniature buckies is what they are.

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All right. And, oh, yeah, yeah. Try the burritos,

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but make sure that it's a nice, sunny. warm day.

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That way you can have the windows down on your

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ride home. You're going to want it. And the queso

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sauce. Oh, yeah, yeah. You got to put the queso

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sauce on there. I did not know about the queso.

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Yeah, you ask them for queso and they'll automatically

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just dump a bunch of it on top. Oh, yeah, yeah.

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That's that southern hospitality there. They

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don't fuck around. They're like, oh, you want

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queso? I'll give you queso. Yeah, yeah. How about

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300 pounds of queso? Does that sound good? Yes.

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I'll tell you what. It does. It makes it so much

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better. Oh, queso makes everything better. Oh,

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my God. You could put queso on about anything.

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I mean, let me think. You could put queso on

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fucking vanilla wafers, and it would be great.

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Now, there is one thing that queso would not

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fix for me. What's that? Okay, that's one. No,

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no, no. Me, any type of seafood or fish would

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not make it better. Okay, okay, okay. Well, I

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don't like it anyhow, so. Hey, Al, Rob, it looks

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like winter is finally caught up with us. I told

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everybody not to get so cocky, and they did,

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and now look at it. Have you seen your forecast?

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Yeah, I've seen the forecast. Ours isn't quite

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so bad. They're saying 4 to 6 inches of snow,

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but I read where Shell Knob might get 10 to 20

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inches of snow. That would be Table Rock Lake

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area. Right. Well, my boss came up to me today,

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and I've done some research. They're calling

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6 to 8 for us. Okay. Okay, I'm not sure a friend

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that lives down that area is the one that told

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us. Well, in some of the models. Okay, okay.

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So, but it's more or less, we're probably going

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to be like six to eight. Okay, and we're supposed

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to be four to six, so we'll see. Yeah, you know

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what? The thing about snowstorms is, as soon

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as they're done, you'll know how much you got,

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and not a minute until then. is there some hills

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and shit and here in Montlac we had an overnight

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early morning snow and it was There you go. And

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also neutral. Sacrete and neutral. And I have

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the fiberglass tonal cover. Oh, yep. So all winter

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long, I'll be able to use that sacrete next spring.

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You are a smart man indeed. Yes. And also fine

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neutral. These are sandbags. Because I was going

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to get sandbags. Well, you also need... You need

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to place those over your axle. You know this,

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Rob, but I'm telling someone that doesn't. Place

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them over your back axle. Over your back axle,

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yes. Yes. You want that traction to go straight

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down on the axle to give you more friction from

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the tires to the road. That's the whole thing.

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And also, always find neutral. If you start to

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slip, throw it in neutral real quick. It will

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quit pulling, and usually it will straighten

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up. And if it doesn't, usually you can skid into

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the steer and come back out. It's hard to do,

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but once you've driven on this shit a certain

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amount of time, it becomes natural. And now whenever

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I start to slip, I just sit neutral and not even

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think about it. Back in the 80s, growing up,

00:12:20.940 --> 00:12:24.679
we went out and played. That's how we learned

00:12:24.679 --> 00:12:27.480
how to drive it. Yeah, we had bold tires and

00:12:27.480 --> 00:12:42.350
an old fucking Dodge Dart. I got a story for

00:12:42.350 --> 00:12:47.149
you, Rob. You know Daisy Walnut Apartments out

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there on Blue Ridge Boulevard near Grandview

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or in Grandview? I was dropping off Jason. You

00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:56.669
know Jason. I don't want to say his last name.

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The stoner Jason. I remember him. Yeah, he lived

00:13:00.690 --> 00:13:02.850
over there at the time. And I was dropping him

00:13:02.850 --> 00:13:06.009
off. And before that, we saw these huge mounds

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of snow. It was dead of winter. And I'm like,

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I go, dude, you think I could make it through

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one of those? He was stoned off his ass. And

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I don't know. I probably would. I don't know.

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You know, who knows? I might have been. So he's

00:13:19.230 --> 00:13:22.669
like. Yeah, I think you can. So I take, I put

00:13:22.669 --> 00:13:25.230
that motherfucker. I think it's my old Dodge

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Dart, or it could have been the Pinto. I don't

00:13:27.129 --> 00:13:28.529
think it's a Pinto. I probably would have fucking

00:13:28.529 --> 00:13:32.210
blew up. But anyhow, I'm fucking flying through

00:13:32.210 --> 00:13:34.269
this one. Great. I go, I knew I could do it.

00:13:34.509 --> 00:13:37.509
Then I go to another one. I fly halfway through

00:13:37.509 --> 00:13:40.690
it, and bam! Knocked the shit out of us. There's

00:13:40.690 --> 00:13:42.669
a light pole in the middle there that we didn't

00:13:42.669 --> 00:13:49.840
see. They... They stacked the snow up so high,

00:13:50.039 --> 00:13:54.580
okay, and I couldn't see above that. And, you

00:13:54.580 --> 00:13:56.639
know, there's snow blowing and everything. So

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we thought it was just a large snow mound like

00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:02.080
the other one that we blew through. So I'm like,

00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:03.700
he, he, he, watch this. He's like, oh, yeah,

00:14:03.740 --> 00:14:06.100
yeah, do it, dude. And we get halfway through,

00:14:06.279 --> 00:14:08.039
and, I mean, I don't know how fast I was going,

00:14:08.120 --> 00:14:10.659
but we hit that thing and bounced back, and it

00:14:10.659 --> 00:14:14.179
fucked up my car. Both of us were hurting afterwards.

00:14:14.830 --> 00:14:17.509
Talk about screwing up. I mean, that was stupid.

00:14:17.970 --> 00:14:21.529
Have you ever done that? Were you with me the

00:14:21.529 --> 00:14:26.409
night I was over by Boss Mike? I'll leave it

00:14:26.409 --> 00:14:30.149
at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By his house? Mm -hmm.

00:14:52.039 --> 00:14:53.960
I think I do remember a little bit about that.

00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:57.059
I think, I think I was with you. Yeah. Yeah,

00:14:57.059 --> 00:15:00.039
I think, I think maybe you, I think we were coming,

00:15:00.100 --> 00:15:03.500
I think it was after work. I think so, yeah.

00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:09.039
We went over, we went over Mike's and we were

00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:14.580
heading home and it snowed and guys slid in a

00:15:14.580 --> 00:15:17.759
parked car and we just fucking took off. Oh,

00:15:17.759 --> 00:15:26.399
yeah. But that was, Yeah, I think I remember

00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:29.279
that, and I think I did the exact same thing

00:15:29.279 --> 00:15:32.899
a couple of weeks later. Yeah, I do think so.

00:15:32.980 --> 00:15:34.700
And I think you were with me, and we looked at

00:15:34.700 --> 00:15:36.840
each other and said, again? Yeah, I think we

00:15:36.840 --> 00:15:42.000
did. Yeah. Yeah, you were? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:43.740
And you and I look at each other and go, yeah,

00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:46.940
okay, again. Here we go again. Here we go again.

00:15:48.159 --> 00:15:50.679
Don't say that, and I won't. Yeah, and we didn't.

00:15:50.679 --> 00:15:56.679
We went on. Until now. Yeah, until now. And you

00:15:56.679 --> 00:15:59.139
know what the good thing is? Even if the statute

00:15:59.139 --> 00:16:01.980
of limitations is not off, they don't know where

00:16:01.980 --> 00:16:04.580
we did it at and what. So, you know, hey, I think

00:16:04.580 --> 00:16:08.100
that's good. So the forecasters are calling for

00:16:08.100 --> 00:16:10.720
snow here Friday and Saturday. And like always,

00:16:10.840 --> 00:16:14.279
when the word snow pops up, all of KC is in a

00:16:14.279 --> 00:16:18.740
panic. You have that scared gazelle look that's

00:16:18.740 --> 00:16:23.879
running from a lion. But wait, there's more.

00:16:24.399 --> 00:16:29.059
Sub -zero temperatures to boot. Yay. So I have

00:16:29.059 --> 00:16:31.679
a challenge, Rob. All the pajama -wearing youngsters,

00:16:32.039 --> 00:16:34.419
you know, they wear their PJs out in this bitter

00:16:34.419 --> 00:16:37.120
cold, and I will have a huge respect for them.

00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:40.559
But if they don't, then I do not. If they really

00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:43.620
mean what they do in this casual look that they

00:16:43.620 --> 00:16:46.139
love so much, I dare you to wear those flimsy

00:16:46.139 --> 00:16:48.480
fucking things in that 30 below weather that

00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:50.820
we're going to have. And if you do that, I will

00:16:50.820 --> 00:16:56.080
salute you. I guarantee you, you run into them

00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:59.440
in the store, you rip them down, there's another

00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:02.559
pair underneath. Yeah, yeah, you know what, you're

00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:05.640
right. Maybe three layers. You know what? Maybe

00:17:05.640 --> 00:17:07.750
three layers. They probably have long johns underneath

00:17:07.750 --> 00:17:09.890
or something, and it'll look like they're wearing

00:17:09.890 --> 00:17:12.190
their PJs, but actually they have long johns

00:17:12.190 --> 00:17:18.269
underneath. You're right. So earlier today, I

00:17:18.269 --> 00:17:21.130
was in Pigwich when I saw the Coke dispenser

00:17:21.130 --> 00:17:25.470
repair guy's tools on the table next to me. And

00:17:25.470 --> 00:17:28.549
in this little bag of tools, he had a hand drill.

00:17:29.029 --> 00:17:31.849
So someone appeared to have had a little giggle

00:17:31.849 --> 00:17:35.569
on the contractor. On his handheld drill was

00:17:35.569 --> 00:17:41.029
a tomato complete with a dab of mayo. I sat over

00:17:41.029 --> 00:17:43.049
there giggling going, someone fucked with him.

00:17:43.230 --> 00:17:45.349
So he was like in the bathroom or something.

00:17:45.410 --> 00:17:48.089
He comes back. I received my cornflake chicken

00:17:48.089 --> 00:17:50.309
sandwich, which is fucking phenomenal. It was

00:17:50.309 --> 00:17:53.730
not you. It was not me, but the cornflake chicken

00:17:53.730 --> 00:17:55.930
sandwich is so good. It's deep fried chicken

00:17:55.930 --> 00:17:59.309
sandwich made out of cornflakes, smashed cornflakes.

00:17:59.349 --> 00:18:02.349
Oh, it's so good. And it's really juicy. It's

00:18:02.349 --> 00:18:04.329
good. And it's made out of dark meat, which is

00:18:04.329 --> 00:18:07.630
really good. Oh, I love dark meat. Oh, it's so

00:18:07.630 --> 00:18:10.829
good. And so I unwrapped the sandwich, and normally

00:18:10.829 --> 00:18:13.549
it has two slices of tomato, but this time they

00:18:13.549 --> 00:18:16.890
only had one. So the fountain dispenser guy,

00:18:16.970 --> 00:18:18.710
he came back, and he looked at his drill and

00:18:18.710 --> 00:18:21.700
then shot me a dirty look. And the problem is

00:18:21.700 --> 00:18:25.319
I couldn't defend myself because I would have

00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:27.339
looked guilty. I could have said, yeah, I noticed

00:18:27.339 --> 00:18:29.819
over there that you had a tomato and mayo on

00:18:29.819 --> 00:18:32.200
your drill. You're going to think I did it, but

00:18:32.200 --> 00:18:34.059
I didn't. You would think I did it, right? You'd

00:18:34.059 --> 00:18:36.859
be like, oh, fuck you. Now you're just having

00:18:36.859 --> 00:18:40.299
fun. You know, you're just rubbing it in. So

00:18:40.299 --> 00:18:43.500
I had to sit there and I did what any other rational

00:18:43.500 --> 00:18:46.819
thing would do is I grabbed my sandwich. I smiled.

00:18:47.420 --> 00:18:49.900
wished him a good day, walked off, and went and

00:18:49.900 --> 00:18:52.680
ate it up at the City Market Coffee with a Cubano.

00:18:53.720 --> 00:18:58.369
There you go. Yeah, so. So I'm going to go on

00:18:58.369 --> 00:18:59.710
to something completely different here, Rob.

00:18:59.829 --> 00:19:02.069
A new study revealed that one reason podcasts

00:19:02.069 --> 00:19:04.890
are so popular is that 90 % of younger people

00:19:04.890 --> 00:19:08.329
running errands in a car will actually stay in

00:19:08.329 --> 00:19:11.130
their car driving around extra just to have alone

00:19:11.130 --> 00:19:15.430
time. And of that 90%, 57 % of them listen to

00:19:15.430 --> 00:19:19.549
podcasts while driving alone. Yeah, I do that

00:19:19.549 --> 00:19:22.390
with music a lot. You know, I take the long way

00:19:22.390 --> 00:19:28.859
home. I always have. Yeah, me too. Always? Well,

00:19:28.859 --> 00:19:33.460
back in the day, when I listened to radio stations,

00:19:33.559 --> 00:19:36.460
which actually I've been listening to 93 .5.

00:19:36.599 --> 00:19:40.900
You know, I've been listening to radio more,

00:19:40.980 --> 00:19:42.819
too. I was listening to 101 the Fox on the way

00:19:42.819 --> 00:19:44.599
home, and they were playing some pretty good

00:19:44.599 --> 00:19:48.079
stuff. And I kind of miss the live DJs, local

00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:52.220
and all that. Yeah, I could get 101, too, also.

00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:59.269
Oh, yeah, yeah. The tower's out of Harrisonville,

00:19:59.269 --> 00:20:01.589
Missouri, so it's quite a bit closer to you than

00:20:01.589 --> 00:20:03.650
like the rock that's in Leavenworth. Oh, no,

00:20:03.670 --> 00:20:07.049
no, no. I pick it up on TuneIn. Oh, okay. That's

00:20:07.049 --> 00:20:10.710
a great way to get it, yeah. And actually, I

00:20:10.710 --> 00:20:15.210
can pick up 93 .5 all the way from here to there

00:20:15.210 --> 00:20:19.269
because it's out of Osake Beach. I work in Canton.

00:20:19.769 --> 00:20:26.500
Oh, okay. That's good. Oh, that's cool. But I

00:20:26.500 --> 00:20:31.400
still kick it off my tune here and run it through

00:20:31.400 --> 00:20:34.299
my radio, my stereo. Because it sounds better.

00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:39.960
Yeah, yeah. It's much clearer, no static. You

00:20:39.960 --> 00:20:42.839
know, you've got your areas. Well, you get in

00:20:42.839 --> 00:20:46.599
the hills and even FM doesn't work that well.

00:20:46.660 --> 00:20:49.200
Like Eureka Springs, they have a couple of good

00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:52.039
stations there. I spoke about one of them last

00:20:52.039 --> 00:20:54.549
summer. But they have some really good stations

00:20:54.549 --> 00:20:57.109
there. But the problem is it dips in the valleys.

00:20:57.309 --> 00:21:00.890
You just can't get very good signal. So I found

00:21:00.890 --> 00:21:06.190
their online outlet. I only have one spot between

00:21:06.190 --> 00:21:13.170
here and there where I lose service. And it's

00:21:13.170 --> 00:21:17.369
only for about maybe five seconds. Oh, yeah,

00:21:17.410 --> 00:21:23.940
you got Verizon. Yep, you got Verizon. Yep. So

00:21:23.940 --> 00:21:27.400
yesterday on the way home, it was April Wine's

00:21:27.400 --> 00:21:32.400
greatest hits. Yes. You talk about some cool

00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:35.000
shit. Man, April Wine. They will never get the

00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:40.960
credit they deserve. Yeah. Just FYI, me and Princess

00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:44.180
have already penciled it in. We're going to sit

00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:46.940
down tomorrow night and buy our tickets. Okay.

00:21:47.880 --> 00:21:56.359
Yeah. Okay. Okay. You know, I get old. Got to

00:21:56.359 --> 00:22:02.180
jump in the studio, so. Okay. All right. I found

00:22:02.180 --> 00:22:05.799
a really nice plasma cutter on Marketplace. I'm

00:22:05.799 --> 00:22:07.759
trying to get a hold of the guy to possibly buy

00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:10.519
it. I'd love to have a secondary hobby, like

00:22:10.519 --> 00:22:12.859
making creations out of old metal barn siding.

00:22:13.420 --> 00:22:16.539
I first got this idea. There's this guy selling

00:22:16.539 --> 00:22:21.579
artistic signs he made with... with a plasma

00:22:21.579 --> 00:22:25.319
cutter and old metal buildings like old barns.

00:22:25.380 --> 00:22:27.799
And it was at the World Market in Nashville.

00:22:28.119 --> 00:22:30.440
And I took a bunch of pictures to where I can

00:22:30.440 --> 00:22:32.839
kind of get the whole idea of the framework of

00:22:32.839 --> 00:22:37.279
what I want to do. So the guy took the old metal

00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:39.599
siding and cut them into different designs. All

00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:44.220
was original. I think I might buy the plasma

00:22:44.220 --> 00:22:48.400
cutter on eBay. We'll see. But if I do, I'll

00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:50.160
send you a picture of it and everything because

00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:52.119
I know that you know a lot about plasma cutters

00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:55.660
like I do. And the thing I want to know is if

00:22:55.660 --> 00:22:59.240
it's like a welder and you have to have that

00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:16.279
heavier current to make it work better. Yeah,

00:23:16.299 --> 00:23:23.960
yeah. And is it 220 or 240 or 120? Um... Because

00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:27.640
I know some of them... Oh, I'm thinking ours

00:23:27.640 --> 00:23:32.680
is 120. Okay. All right. Okay. Even 240 I could

00:23:32.680 --> 00:23:35.140
do. But if it goes up into the fours, you know,

00:23:35.140 --> 00:23:36.839
the really heavy -duty ones, I can't do that.

00:23:36.839 --> 00:23:41.720
Yeah, yeah. That's bigger than home use. Yeah.

00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:44.519
Okay. All right. But that works good on 120,

00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:52.630
then? No, I... Yeah, yeah. It's a good little

00:23:52.630 --> 00:23:55.569
plasma cutter. The blue box that rocks is what

00:23:55.569 --> 00:23:59.009
they call that, Miller. Yeah, it's a good little

00:23:59.009 --> 00:24:02.210
plasma cutter. We use it for a lot of things.

00:24:02.289 --> 00:24:04.690
Also like Lincolns. Lincolns are really good

00:24:04.690 --> 00:24:07.670
too. Lincolns and Millers. Millers you can get

00:24:07.670 --> 00:24:09.490
the smaller compact ones. I've used their plasma

00:24:09.490 --> 00:24:12.589
cutters. I've used their welders. Their welders

00:24:12.589 --> 00:24:16.269
are good too. I like both of them. I think I

00:24:16.269 --> 00:24:17.670
like Miller a little bit better. They're more

00:24:17.670 --> 00:24:21.279
portable. They make them smaller. Lincolns are

00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:23.839
into the really big ones that are hard to transport.

00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:28.880
All right. So I'm going to go on from that. So

00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.059
I'll let you know as it progresses. We'll see.

00:24:31.460 --> 00:24:36.380
So Coca -Cola has new Crocs out. More than $70

00:24:36.380 --> 00:24:41.119
for just a mere $70. You too can look like a

00:24:41.119 --> 00:24:44.980
complete dumb shit. Just letting you know. I'm

00:24:44.980 --> 00:24:48.000
waiting on the Coke butt plugs myself. That should

00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:51.940
make great... Honestly, I know somebody that

00:24:51.940 --> 00:24:55.240
will probably buy it. Of the Crocs? The Coke

00:24:55.240 --> 00:25:01.559
Crocs? Yep. I wish they'd make regular... He

00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:06.220
calls himself Coke Man. I don't know if that's

00:25:06.220 --> 00:25:09.960
a pretty good moniker to go by or not, but okay.

00:25:10.779 --> 00:25:14.660
Well, you've got to know him. Okay, then maybe

00:25:14.660 --> 00:25:19.329
it is well earned. Okay, so $70, you look like

00:25:19.329 --> 00:25:22.210
a complete dumb shit as well. I'm waiting on

00:25:22.210 --> 00:25:24.309
the butt plugs, like I said. But, you know, that

00:25:24.309 --> 00:25:27.009
would make great stocking stuffers or even be

00:25:27.009 --> 00:25:30.009
purchased for birthday gifts. A little Coca -Cola

00:25:30.009 --> 00:25:32.430
butt plug, right? All right. And you know what?

00:25:32.529 --> 00:25:36.670
I made a thing of, oh, no, I made a little conscious

00:25:36.670 --> 00:25:38.710
thing earlier. I was going to say the word butt

00:25:38.710 --> 00:25:40.890
plug probably ten times on this program just

00:25:40.890 --> 00:25:46.130
to do it. I think I'm at six. You're close. I'm

00:25:46.130 --> 00:25:50.309
close. All right, well, a Missouri man is accused

00:25:50.309 --> 00:25:53.450
of running an elaborate scheme involving unsuspecting

00:25:53.450 --> 00:25:57.309
car buyers on Facebook Marketplace. Mamadou,

00:25:57.369 --> 00:26:00.289
I'm not kidding you, that's his name, or Mamadou,

00:26:00.410 --> 00:26:04.950
I would say it's Mamadou, Diallo, 24, now faces

00:26:04.950 --> 00:26:08.049
14 felony charges after allegedly defrauding

00:26:08.049 --> 00:26:11.029
at least eight victims out of more than $24 ,000,

00:26:11.329 --> 00:26:14.390
Jackson County Prosecutor Melissa Johnson announced

00:26:14.390 --> 00:26:18.329
Tuesday. Court records show that Diallo is charged

00:26:18.329 --> 00:26:20.450
with six counts of first -degree tampering with

00:26:20.450 --> 00:26:22.769
a motor vehicle and eight counts of forgery.

00:26:22.970 --> 00:26:26.230
If convicted on all counts, Diallo could face

00:26:26.230 --> 00:26:29.769
up to 98 years in prison. Between May and June

00:26:29.769 --> 00:26:35.789
2025, the Kansas City Police Department said

00:26:35.789 --> 00:26:38.069
it received eight stolen vehicle reports that

00:26:38.069 --> 00:26:41.690
followed a similar pattern. In each case, investigators

00:26:41.690 --> 00:26:45.650
indicated that victims purchased a vehicle through

00:26:45.650 --> 00:26:48.769
Facebook Marketplace from a seller using an online

00:26:48.769 --> 00:26:56.670
alias that seller was later identified as Diallo.

00:26:56.769 --> 00:26:59.910
After completing the sales in person, police

00:26:59.910 --> 00:27:02.809
noted that Diallo provided what appeared to be

00:27:02.809 --> 00:27:06.079
legitimate titles and bills to sell. Shortly

00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:08.180
after the transaction, law enforcement officials

00:27:08.180 --> 00:27:11.559
said each buyer reported their newly purchased

00:27:11.559 --> 00:27:16.400
vehicle as stolen. So you see what he did here,

00:27:16.519 --> 00:27:19.940
Rob? Do you see what he did? I don't know exactly

00:27:19.940 --> 00:27:22.819
what he did. He would sell them the car, then

00:27:22.819 --> 00:27:26.579
he would sneak back around the same day and steal

00:27:26.579 --> 00:27:31.460
the fucking thing back and sell it again. What

00:27:31.460 --> 00:27:37.799
a dick. Oh, damn it. Okay. Well, sorry. Didn't

00:27:37.799 --> 00:27:39.900
mean to steal it from you. No, you're good, dude.

00:27:40.500 --> 00:27:44.599
You're good. Yeah. That story had to get out

00:27:44.599 --> 00:27:46.119
there. It didn't matter whether it was you or

00:27:46.119 --> 00:27:49.779
me. One of us had to do that one. Yeah, yeah.

00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:53.480
That one cracked me up so bad. I was like, that's

00:27:53.480 --> 00:27:58.039
going to be front page. Oh, by the way, the guy,

00:27:58.200 --> 00:27:59.960
I forgot your name, that keeps fucking bothering

00:27:59.960 --> 00:28:03.259
me about more police blotter stuff, I got five

00:28:03.259 --> 00:28:06.880
more. Five more new police blotters, okay? So

00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:09.099
please, back up. You're going to hear at least

00:28:09.099 --> 00:28:11.099
one of them on this show right here, if not two.

00:28:11.400 --> 00:28:14.019
All right? I'm glad you love them, but leave

00:28:14.019 --> 00:28:17.480
me the hell alone. I have other things. I've

00:28:17.480 --> 00:28:20.440
got a police update myself. So there you go.

00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:22.240
You're going to get a three or two for one or

00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.940
something. So whatever your name is, back up.

00:28:25.299 --> 00:28:28.160
So, all right. We love talking about stupid criminals.

00:28:28.339 --> 00:28:30.890
We do it all the time. And I don't know why the

00:28:30.890 --> 00:28:33.369
blotter section is just, like, so fascinating.

00:28:33.789 --> 00:28:35.349
You know what? No, no. I'm going to stop right

00:28:35.349 --> 00:28:40.150
there. Thank you. Actually, I like listening

00:28:40.150 --> 00:28:43.029
to that kind of stuff, too. Okay. I really do.

00:28:43.309 --> 00:28:46.710
Well, I appreciate your interest, and you're

00:28:46.710 --> 00:28:48.910
a little pushy, but not being a dick. So thank

00:28:48.910 --> 00:28:50.890
you, whoever you are. Please keep listening.

00:28:51.109 --> 00:28:54.170
Yeah, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. We'll do our

00:28:54.170 --> 00:28:56.549
best to get more out there. Yeah, yeah. Well,

00:28:56.650 --> 00:28:58.849
I got five more, but I have like 30 in the back

00:28:58.849 --> 00:29:01.130
burner. I just don't have time. Well, you know

00:29:01.130 --> 00:29:03.609
that, Rob. I mean, you know, right now. Oh, yeah,

00:29:03.750 --> 00:29:06.450
I know all that time. I'm refinishing the floors.

00:29:06.690 --> 00:29:09.630
I'm painting the house. I mean, I've got, like

00:29:09.630 --> 00:29:12.750
I said, I've got a 20 -year project here. So,

00:29:12.789 --> 00:29:15.670
you know. Oh, me too. Me too. But you know what?

00:29:15.809 --> 00:29:31.309
I could pay someone to do it. Oh, that's cool.

00:29:32.250 --> 00:29:35.589
Yeah. Very cool. It's right here in our driveway,

00:29:35.789 --> 00:29:38.150
so that's a good thing. I'll have to go forward

00:29:38.150 --> 00:29:43.589
and work on it. Okay. And finally, I got another

00:29:43.589 --> 00:29:46.410
little story here. Okay. Rams players put a bizarre

00:29:46.410 --> 00:29:49.309
food in their socks to keep warm, but does it

00:29:49.309 --> 00:29:52.089
actually work? Below freezing temperatures and

00:29:52.089 --> 00:29:54.569
blustery winds aren't pleasant for anyone. But

00:29:54.569 --> 00:29:56.849
they were especially brutal for the LA Rams,

00:29:57.029 --> 00:29:59.190
who are accustomed to warm and sunny weather.

00:29:59.289 --> 00:30:01.650
In case anyone didn't know, the temperature is

00:30:01.650 --> 00:30:04.609
like 8 degrees when they played the Bears in

00:30:04.609 --> 00:30:08.190
Chicago. And they're from Los Angeles. It's no

00:30:08.190 --> 00:30:12.549
surprise that some team players turned to an

00:30:12.549 --> 00:30:15.589
unusual and spicy tactic to stay warm during

00:30:15.589 --> 00:30:18.130
Sunday's frigid overtime playoff game against

00:30:18.130 --> 00:30:20.769
the Bears in Chicago. The hot trick up their

00:30:20.769 --> 00:30:23.509
sleeves? They put cayenne pepper in their socks.

00:30:24.420 --> 00:30:31.220
Rams nose tackle Piona Ford showed off his yellow

00:30:31.220 --> 00:30:33.799
and orange tinted sock after the game and assured

00:30:33.799 --> 00:30:36.339
that it helps. The unconventional method seems

00:30:36.339 --> 00:30:39.019
to give the Rams an extra kick as they won their

00:30:39.019 --> 00:30:41.859
thriller on a 42 -yard field goal by kicker Harrison

00:30:41.859 --> 00:30:47.470
Mevis. But what is the science behind it? Cayenne

00:30:47.470 --> 00:30:50.690
does pack a beneficial punch beyond just warding

00:30:50.690 --> 00:30:53.349
off a modern -day cold. The spicy pepper has

00:30:53.349 --> 00:30:55.789
been shown to improve circulation and blood flow

00:30:55.789 --> 00:30:59.369
throughout the body. This is thanks to a compound

00:30:59.369 --> 00:31:03.349
called caposan, which is what gives the red pepper

00:31:03.349 --> 00:31:07.069
its signature spicy, moderately hot flavor. And

00:31:07.069 --> 00:31:10.890
I can tell you this. For a while, I went out

00:31:10.890 --> 00:31:13.210
with a massage therapist a long time ago, and

00:31:13.210 --> 00:31:16.809
she used to put cayenne pepper in her oil. And

00:31:16.809 --> 00:31:19.390
she swore by it and I could tell a difference.

00:31:19.470 --> 00:31:21.950
And she said it gets your blood to flowing and

00:31:21.950 --> 00:31:25.109
moving better and all that. And she was the first

00:31:25.109 --> 00:31:27.670
person I ever see do that. But now it's a lot

00:31:27.670 --> 00:31:31.710
more common. But I could tell a difference because

00:31:31.710 --> 00:31:34.150
when she didn't put it in, I didn't get nearly

00:31:34.150 --> 00:31:37.559
the same effect. So I do know that it works.

00:31:37.579 --> 00:31:39.480
And this is just, you know, getting a massage.

00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:44.920
And real quick, speaking of massages, I'm telling

00:31:44.920 --> 00:31:47.539
you what, man, I'm getting so tired of business

00:31:47.539 --> 00:31:50.660
in America anymore. This is just a personal thing

00:31:50.660 --> 00:31:52.859
I'm adding on here. I'm sorry, but it's fucking

00:31:52.859 --> 00:31:57.789
irritating. Okay, I told everybody a few podcasts

00:31:57.789 --> 00:32:01.230
ago how my doctor is going to a more private

00:32:01.230 --> 00:32:03.930
practice, and her and some other doctors are

00:32:03.930 --> 00:32:07.109
getting together and decided instead of 3 ,000

00:32:07.109 --> 00:32:10.529
office visits a year, they're going to only do

00:32:10.529 --> 00:32:14.809
like 500 patients, a much smaller scale. Okay,

00:32:14.890 --> 00:32:18.230
but the catch is you have to pay $2 ,400 per

00:32:18.230 --> 00:32:21.980
year. So I get regular massages. I have arthritis.

00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:24.880
And I had a very hard, very physical job for

00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:28.460
years. And it's taken its toll. You know, look,

00:32:28.579 --> 00:32:30.819
it paid well. I got to see all parts of the country

00:32:30.819 --> 00:32:32.900
and everything. It was good. But it took its

00:32:32.900 --> 00:32:35.200
toll on me because I'm putting in heavy glass.

00:32:35.640 --> 00:32:39.019
Okay, so up and down stairs, balconies, all that

00:32:39.019 --> 00:32:44.740
cool shit. So anyhow, I took and got a MedFlex

00:32:44.740 --> 00:32:47.359
card. and i was like you know what i'm doing

00:32:47.359 --> 00:32:49.920
this all wrong i can get this not taxed by doing

00:32:49.920 --> 00:32:52.519
a med flex card and paying for my massages with

00:32:52.519 --> 00:32:55.200
my med flex card okay all right no problem great

00:32:55.200 --> 00:33:00.440
okay so all sudden the uh uh the massage place

00:33:00.440 --> 00:33:03.640
calls back uh today hey uh we got a problem with

00:33:03.640 --> 00:33:06.519
your med flex card okay what is it well it won't

00:33:06.519 --> 00:33:10.299
go through okay well let me let me check on that

00:33:10.299 --> 00:33:15.299
so I call up the people responsible for the card.

00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:17.940
And they said, yeah, they said, you need a letter

00:33:17.940 --> 00:33:21.799
of medical necessity, which I'd forgotten because

00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:24.700
I'd done it before with my MedFlex card. You

00:33:24.700 --> 00:33:27.180
have to have that. Well, like I said, my new

00:33:27.180 --> 00:33:28.960
doctor's going to this private practice, but

00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:32.779
not till February 13th. So I called yesterday

00:33:32.779 --> 00:33:36.000
and informed them that I needed this letter.

00:33:36.039 --> 00:33:37.799
I said, you can email it to me. If you need money

00:33:37.799 --> 00:33:39.819
for it, let me know. I'll pay you. All right.

00:33:40.220 --> 00:33:42.220
I'm not trying to get by on your guys. I just

00:33:42.220 --> 00:33:44.539
need this so I can start paying for it with this

00:33:44.539 --> 00:33:48.720
card that I loaded up with money. So they had

00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:51.799
their new service. I'm not going to say the name

00:33:51.799 --> 00:33:54.319
of it, but it's their new concierge service.

00:33:55.039 --> 00:33:59.099
Call me back with no information at all. So I

00:33:59.099 --> 00:34:01.380
go, all right. I go, yeah. I go, how am I going

00:34:01.380 --> 00:34:05.900
to get this letter of necessity? Oh, I don't

00:34:05.900 --> 00:34:08.679
know about that. Well, why did you call back?

00:34:09.039 --> 00:34:11.619
Well, you left a message. Yeah, did you listen

00:34:11.619 --> 00:34:15.119
to the message? It has this thing on here to

00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:17.500
call you back. And we figured you'd tell us.

00:34:18.260 --> 00:34:20.719
I said, well, I said I needed you guys to do

00:34:20.719 --> 00:34:23.320
something. I needed you guys to get a hold of

00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:26.539
the doctor and tell her that I need this letter

00:34:26.539 --> 00:34:28.780
of necessity. It should not be a big deal. Okay?

00:34:29.239 --> 00:34:30.920
So the lady goes, well, you're going to have

00:34:30.920 --> 00:34:32.920
to call the doctor's office. Hang on, let me

00:34:32.920 --> 00:34:35.639
see if I can get the number. She gets the number

00:34:35.639 --> 00:34:37.909
and it's the exact same number I have. Which

00:34:37.909 --> 00:34:40.710
I called a couple of times. So I'm like, okay,

00:34:40.789 --> 00:34:43.409
motherfucker. All right. So I call back there.

00:34:43.449 --> 00:34:46.170
I leave a message. Nothing crickets. So what

00:34:46.170 --> 00:34:48.050
I'm going to tell them if I don't get a reply

00:34:48.050 --> 00:34:49.510
by tomorrow is I'm going to call up. I'm going

00:34:49.510 --> 00:34:52.269
to leave a long, detailed message about how they

00:34:52.269 --> 00:34:55.610
want to charge $2 ,400 a fucking year but can't

00:34:55.610 --> 00:34:58.030
even get me a letter of necessity. I'm going

00:34:58.030 --> 00:34:59.849
to tell you what. I don't think I'm going to

00:34:59.849 --> 00:35:02.550
join that service. I think it's not fucking worth

00:35:02.550 --> 00:35:09.679
it. It's pissing me off. I would take the time

00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:14.199
off work to walk up in there and explain to them

00:35:14.199 --> 00:35:18.659
I'm taking off work to do this because we cannot

00:35:18.659 --> 00:35:21.300
get this done. You see, I'm off Friday. I could

00:35:21.300 --> 00:35:23.119
walk in Friday and do that, and I'm going to.

00:35:23.260 --> 00:35:25.199
There you go. I'm going to. I'm going to say,

00:35:25.239 --> 00:35:28.280
hey, I had to take off work. Yeah, but still

00:35:28.280 --> 00:35:30.739
tell them you took off work. No, I'm going to.

00:35:30.820 --> 00:35:33.699
I'm going to. And then I'm going to let them

00:35:33.699 --> 00:35:35.300
know. I'm going to say, you know, you want me

00:35:35.300 --> 00:35:38.119
to join your service? You have given me no reason

00:35:38.119 --> 00:35:40.099
to. Just wanted to let you know. Yeah, and this

00:35:40.099 --> 00:35:44.039
is how you treat me? Yeah. Yeah. So that $2 ,400

00:35:44.039 --> 00:35:46.380
a year, I think I'm going to buy something with

00:35:46.380 --> 00:35:48.079
it. It's not going to go in your pocket at all.

00:35:49.079 --> 00:35:52.719
Yeah. And then $500. I'll buy a different doctor.

00:35:53.260 --> 00:35:59.420
$500 times $2 ,400 a year. $500 times that is

00:35:59.420 --> 00:36:02.079
well over a million dollars. Well over a million

00:36:02.079 --> 00:36:05.659
dollars. Okay? With that type of service, You'd

00:36:05.659 --> 00:36:07.360
think someone would fucking get right back to

00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:12.079
me. So, I'm going to give them some grace. They're

00:36:12.079 --> 00:36:14.119
switching over right now to the new thing that

00:36:14.119 --> 00:36:16.539
they're doing. But if I don't hear back from

00:36:16.539 --> 00:36:18.960
them tomorrow, I'm in there Friday, and I'm giving

00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:21.000
them a little peace of my mind, but friendly.

00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:23.840
Because I like them, but I'm letting them know.

00:36:26.420 --> 00:36:41.159
Is it? $24 ,000 times, or $2 ,400 times 500.

00:36:43.000 --> 00:36:47.440
Oh, times 500. Yes. Yeah. Okay, yeah, I thought

00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:50.840
it was times five. It's cool, it's cool. That's

00:36:50.840 --> 00:36:54.579
not the point of it. I did the, it's fine. All

00:36:54.579 --> 00:36:57.940
right, Rob, let's, yeah. Yeah, over a million

00:36:57.940 --> 00:37:01.280
and a half, and already I'm getting service like

00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:04.340
this? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's fine.

00:37:04.929 --> 00:37:07.469
You know what? I need to join St. Luke's team

00:37:07.469 --> 00:37:10.010
anyhow because my cardiologist and all my other

00:37:10.010 --> 00:37:12.590
doctors were at St. Luke's. It'd just be easier

00:37:12.590 --> 00:37:14.329
if I went to one of their general practices.

00:37:15.769 --> 00:37:18.909
That's where I was born. St. Luke's? Really?

00:37:19.309 --> 00:37:24.929
Yeah. On the plaza? Yeah. Pennsylvania. Yep.

00:37:25.150 --> 00:37:30.349
Okay. All right. Cool. 1969, my mom drove me

00:37:30.349 --> 00:37:34.170
home to a racial riot. Oh, wow. We lived there.

00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:47.900
Interesting. Yeah, we lived downstairs and my

00:37:47.900 --> 00:37:50.860
grandma lived upstairs in an apartment building.

00:37:51.139 --> 00:37:55.440
Oh, very cool. Them buildings aren't there no

00:37:55.440 --> 00:37:58.760
more. I used to be able to drive by and see them

00:37:58.760 --> 00:38:03.619
all the time. I was born at Lakeside Hospital,

00:38:03.860 --> 00:38:06.880
which is no longer there. And that's on Troost.

00:38:08.170 --> 00:38:10.929
Anyhow, Rob, let's turn it over to you because

00:38:10.929 --> 00:38:14.190
we're well into this show and we haven't gotten

00:38:14.190 --> 00:38:18.170
to you yet, so please. Okay, well, I'm going

00:38:18.170 --> 00:38:21.510
to cover two at once. I'm going to cover some

00:38:21.510 --> 00:38:25.610
stupid criminals and some Lake Area news. Sounds

00:38:25.610 --> 00:39:02.760
great to me. In a quick one. Okay. Billy? Emerson

00:39:02.760 --> 00:39:09.039
City. Uh -huh. An hour away. An hour away, yep.

00:39:11.079 --> 00:39:13.739
Wait till you hear this part. Oh, I love this

00:39:13.739 --> 00:40:04.190
part. Okay. Yeah, yeah, that is good. Okay. And

00:40:04.190 --> 00:40:06.329
it's happening those same days from my view.

00:40:06.630 --> 00:40:55.239
Mm -hmm. No bond. I love that. Yeah, I love that

00:40:55.239 --> 00:40:57.500
word, no bond. Yeah, I do too. They need more

00:40:57.500 --> 00:41:02.980
of that. I mean, just the high -speed pursuit

00:41:02.980 --> 00:41:13.000
alone for under $500 stolen merchandise. Yeah,

00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:15.760
that's ridiculous. Go ahead and take your lumps.

00:41:15.840 --> 00:41:18.159
You'll get out of it. Now you're going to have

00:41:18.159 --> 00:41:36.179
a hard time getting out of it. No, I don't think

00:41:36.179 --> 00:41:38.380
they'd have any use for working people like us.

00:41:38.440 --> 00:41:40.179
I don't know why they would want to even act

00:41:40.179 --> 00:41:43.599
like us. Well, no, no, no. They want to sell

00:41:43.599 --> 00:41:47.019
the beanies to people that want to look like

00:41:47.019 --> 00:41:53.199
they work for a living, but they don't. No, no,

00:41:53.239 --> 00:41:55.300
they're selling the ones that want to look like

00:41:55.300 --> 00:41:57.940
they work, but they don't. Oh, okay, I got you.

00:41:58.019 --> 00:42:05.440
You know what? Yes, yes, I got what you're saying.

00:42:05.500 --> 00:42:13.360
All the time, yeah. Yep. I speak for a seat for

00:42:13.360 --> 00:42:23.860
an hour. That is what I call completely stupid.

00:42:24.400 --> 00:42:28.019
Completely. You know, there's kind of stupid

00:42:28.019 --> 00:42:30.639
and there's moderately stupid. That person is

00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:32.719
just so stupid that there's no backing out of

00:42:32.719 --> 00:42:34.380
it. You know, that's just the way it is. Oh,

00:42:34.380 --> 00:42:36.980
no, there's like three or four. Yeah, it says

00:42:36.980 --> 00:42:39.500
four people, but they only talk about three of

00:42:39.500 --> 00:42:43.739
them. Well, they're all dumb shits. Yeah, they

00:42:43.739 --> 00:42:46.860
are. And now they're sitting in campy town, so.

00:42:47.739 --> 00:42:51.480
Okay. All right, did you have one more? You said

00:42:51.480 --> 00:42:56.039
you had a couple, or is that it? Oh, no, that's

00:42:56.039 --> 00:42:59.219
for that. I got more later. Oh, okay, okay, I

00:42:59.219 --> 00:43:07.269
got you. Okay, later on. Yeah, yeah, we got to

00:43:07.269 --> 00:43:10.329
get to it. It's like 36 minutes into it. Okay,

00:43:10.510 --> 00:43:13.170
we're going to take our first break, and then

00:43:13.170 --> 00:43:15.449
we're going to come right back, and we are going

00:43:15.449 --> 00:43:19.349
to have some emails. Sounds good. All right.

00:43:19.829 --> 00:43:22.489
Tudor Steve Lukather said that Michael Jackson's

00:43:22.489 --> 00:43:24.690
Beat It was almost ruined by Eddie Van Halen.

00:43:25.030 --> 00:43:27.309
Steve Lukather has explained that the issue wasn't

00:43:27.309 --> 00:43:29.789
Eddie Van Halen's solo itself, but that Eddie

00:43:29.789 --> 00:43:33.210
and his engineer, Don Landy, Eddie did the master

00:43:33.210 --> 00:43:35.550
tape and messed up the time code, which was crucial

00:43:35.550 --> 00:43:38.230
for syncing other tracks. This forced Luke Catherin

00:43:38.230 --> 00:43:41.429
drummer Jeff Porcano to meticulously recreate

00:43:41.429 --> 00:43:44.110
the song's backing tracks from scratch, using

00:43:44.110 --> 00:43:46.429
the faint bleed of the drums in Michael Jackson's

00:43:46.429 --> 00:43:48.610
vocal track and re -establishing the rhythm.

00:43:50.050 --> 00:43:55.409
This is Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been

00:43:55.409 --> 00:43:58.409
your music news for this evening. I have one

00:43:58.409 --> 00:44:01.420
burning question for you all. Do people really

00:44:01.420 --> 00:44:09.199
skip around the Maypole? Hi all, this is Chicago.

00:44:09.739 --> 00:44:14.239
I am the most dangerous city in North America.

00:44:16.719 --> 00:44:20.599
You can't touch me. Oh yeah? This is Kansas City

00:44:20.599 --> 00:44:24.099
here. Hold my beer, bitch. Two douchebags, a

00:44:24.099 --> 00:44:25.880
microphone, and an effort to keep everything

00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:31.050
fresh. We offer you... First world problems.

00:44:32.570 --> 00:44:36.489
I can't believe the coffee grinder is broke at

00:44:36.489 --> 00:44:41.809
the big box store. There's no way I can be expected

00:44:41.809 --> 00:44:45.130
to grind my coffee beans every damn morning.

00:44:46.769 --> 00:44:52.090
Strange, but true. The atom bomb's effect on

00:44:52.090 --> 00:44:55.190
Hiroshima had many different levels, but one

00:44:55.190 --> 00:44:57.949
of them that was very odd was the... Hiroshima

00:44:57.949 --> 00:45:00.289
survivors developed deformed fingernails with

00:45:00.289 --> 00:45:02.309
blood vessels that bled heavily when broken.

00:45:03.650 --> 00:45:05.710
Have you ever wondered what something is about?

00:45:05.949 --> 00:45:07.929
Have you ever looked at something and said, Hey,

00:45:08.070 --> 00:45:11.110
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so

00:45:11.110 --> 00:45:15.050
have we. That's why we give you The Origin Of.

00:45:15.889 --> 00:45:20.389
This is the origin of Rob Rad's loincloth. Rob

00:45:20.389 --> 00:45:22.909
used to strip in a nightclub called McCock's

00:45:22.909 --> 00:45:25.730
on the city's east side. Rob was the only completely

00:45:25.730 --> 00:45:28.489
nude dancer at the club. The other dancers were

00:45:28.489 --> 00:45:30.510
jealous of Rob making all the cash and made him

00:45:30.510 --> 00:45:33.250
use a loincloth to dance with. Rob soon had to

00:45:33.250 --> 00:45:35.650
wear his loincloth daily. He found out that he

00:45:35.650 --> 00:45:37.809
could get out of traffic tickets, sell vinyl

00:45:37.809 --> 00:45:40.130
siding, and pick up hotties at the come and go.

00:45:40.369 --> 00:45:42.690
Rob now wears his loincloth everywhere except

00:45:42.690 --> 00:45:46.150
work. Sparks plus pubic hair equals to bad things.

00:45:47.530 --> 00:45:54.429
Jam X. What the hell happened? You were the generation

00:45:54.429 --> 00:45:59.690
of change. You never wanted to be one of them.

00:46:00.130 --> 00:46:05.969
At the feet. Spoke for you. Fuck the man. Fuck

00:46:05.969 --> 00:46:10.789
the system. What the hell happened? The generation

00:46:10.789 --> 00:46:13.929
of angst? The generation of non -compliance?

00:46:15.070 --> 00:46:19.030
Is now buying a boat? You're really fed up to

00:46:19.030 --> 00:46:22.530
kill someone who dangled a dollar near you? Great

00:46:22.530 --> 00:46:28.460
job, Xers. Everything's ruined. Hey, you yankers.

00:46:28.500 --> 00:46:31.119
We often think many things are just true because

00:46:31.119 --> 00:46:33.679
we've heard it our whole lives. That's why here

00:46:33.679 --> 00:46:35.619
at Two Douchebags and Microphone, we developed

00:46:35.619 --> 00:46:39.699
the segment, Not True. We investigate and uncover

00:46:39.699 --> 00:46:44.239
the real truth of what happened. We've heard

00:46:44.239 --> 00:46:46.659
for years that Einstein was so intelligent he

00:46:46.659 --> 00:46:50.019
could not figure out how to tie his shoe. The

00:46:50.019 --> 00:46:53.739
fact is, he disliked wearing socks. He would

00:46:53.739 --> 00:46:56.280
put socks over his shoes to avoid tying them.

00:46:56.599 --> 00:46:59.119
He believed tie -in shoelaces was an incredible

00:46:59.119 --> 00:47:03.019
waste of time. So were Crocs when Einstein needed

00:47:03.019 --> 00:47:06.039
them. So you want proof that we love you here

00:47:06.039 --> 00:47:08.960
at QD Spades and Microfilm Central? Here's a

00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:11.300
proof right here about the drink of the week.

00:47:12.639 --> 00:47:16.440
Pistachio martini seems in order. Start off with

00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:20.519
two ounces vanilla vodka. One ounce pistachio

00:47:20.519 --> 00:47:24.559
liqueur. One ounce heavy cream. One half ounce

00:47:24.559 --> 00:47:27.750
simple syrup. One ounce of heavy cream chill

00:47:27.750 --> 00:47:30.789
martini glass in freezer for 10 minutes. Dip

00:47:30.789 --> 00:47:33.489
the chilled glass rim in the simple syrup, then

00:47:33.489 --> 00:47:36.869
rub the rim in crushed pistachios. Fill a cocktail

00:47:36.869 --> 00:47:39.889
shaker with the vodka, liqueur, heavy cream,

00:47:39.949 --> 00:47:43.150
and simple syrup in the shaker. Shake vigorously,

00:47:43.269 --> 00:47:46.769
then strain the contents into the glass. You

00:47:46.769 --> 00:47:49.650
may garnish the rim of the martini glass with

00:47:49.650 --> 00:47:53.449
a sliced lemon and an olive, possibly. Drink

00:47:53.449 --> 00:47:57.840
up, bitches. And now we look in on the adventures

00:47:57.840 --> 00:48:01.880
of the technical explanation guy. Why, excuse

00:48:01.880 --> 00:48:05.739
me, my dear sir. Could you please direct me to

00:48:05.739 --> 00:48:08.300
the nearest self -employed person in a motorized

00:48:08.300 --> 00:48:11.019
vehicle that will transport me where I ask them

00:48:11.019 --> 00:48:14.119
to in exchange for money and a tip? Do you mean

00:48:14.119 --> 00:48:17.800
an Uber ride? Why, yes. Yes, I do mean an Uber

00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:21.559
ride. Then just say an Uber ride, you dumb motherfucker.

00:48:21.619 --> 00:48:23.599
And why are you constantly following me around

00:48:23.599 --> 00:48:29.539
asking me stupid questions? Fucking idiot. And

00:48:29.539 --> 00:48:37.179
now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. So let me see.

00:48:38.119 --> 00:48:40.920
Let's say I was offended by people being offended.

00:48:42.510 --> 00:48:44.750
Then would people being offended all the time

00:48:44.750 --> 00:48:46.969
would have to not be offended around me because

00:48:46.969 --> 00:48:52.550
I was offended by them being offended? Hmm. I

00:48:52.550 --> 00:49:00.670
may never know. Now it's time for Pick Up Lines

00:49:00.670 --> 00:49:07.369
from a Loser. You look so familiar. Didn't we

00:49:07.369 --> 00:49:09.630
have a class together? I could have swore we

00:49:09.630 --> 00:49:13.219
had chemistry. Sir. I see your qualifications

00:49:13.219 --> 00:49:16.099
here. May I ask some further questions that could

00:49:16.099 --> 00:49:17.940
help me determine your employment eligibility?

00:49:18.780 --> 00:49:21.940
Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,

00:49:21.980 --> 00:49:24.119
we have a large population of different ethnic

00:49:24.119 --> 00:49:28.519
backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by

00:49:28.519 --> 00:49:31.760
chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why

00:49:31.760 --> 00:49:34.019
you need that kind of information, but, well,

00:49:34.099 --> 00:49:37.480
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:44.050
it experimental. Have I ever told you about my

00:49:44.050 --> 00:49:48.650
prank phone call deal that I used to do? No.

00:49:48.730 --> 00:49:51.769
Phone booth? Well, this was the old quick trip

00:49:51.769 --> 00:49:53.710
in Belvedere, the one right off the highway,

00:49:53.909 --> 00:49:58.250
right off of 71 or 49 or whatever, and 155th

00:49:58.250 --> 00:49:59.869
Street, down there in that little pit there,

00:49:59.969 --> 00:50:02.170
right off the exit ramp. There used to be a quick

00:50:02.170 --> 00:50:04.730
trip. And one day, I'm like in there getting

00:50:04.730 --> 00:50:07.230
a soda or some shit, right? And I noticed...

00:50:07.579 --> 00:50:10.039
The phone rang. This is probably a drug deal

00:50:10.039 --> 00:50:12.860
or something. Yeah. And some guy jumps out of

00:50:12.860 --> 00:50:14.440
his car and starts answering. I'm like, huh.

00:50:14.820 --> 00:50:17.900
I didn't know those things had numbers. Not only

00:50:17.900 --> 00:50:20.239
did I not know they have numbers, I didn't realize

00:50:20.239 --> 00:50:22.820
that people fucking answer them. Yeah. The idea

00:50:22.820 --> 00:50:25.280
of calling into a pay phone didn't occur to me

00:50:25.280 --> 00:50:27.820
until I saw someone do it on a TV show. I was

00:50:27.820 --> 00:50:29.639
like, what? You can do that? You can do that?

00:50:29.739 --> 00:50:32.079
Yeah. I thought it was just one way you got on

00:50:32.079 --> 00:50:35.320
there. Hey, I'm down here at the Quick Trip,

00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:37.199
man. Whenever you want to come down, you know,

00:50:37.239 --> 00:50:42.260
I got the pet cage and the rubbers, you know,

00:50:42.260 --> 00:50:46.739
whatever. So anyhow, so I walk over there, and

00:50:46.739 --> 00:50:48.940
I get a pen from the guy in the Quick Trip and

00:50:48.940 --> 00:50:51.619
wrote down the numbers. There was like three

00:50:51.619 --> 00:50:54.030
of them. And they're like, you know, in a little

00:50:54.030 --> 00:50:57.469
semi -circle. And back in the days, I mean, like

00:50:57.469 --> 00:50:59.949
you mentioned the other day, how nasty that was.

00:51:00.130 --> 00:51:02.230
Yeah. Some guy would get up there and start spitting

00:51:02.230 --> 00:51:04.190
all over the phone, talking. And then you'd go

00:51:04.190 --> 00:51:07.289
pick it up right after. Yeah. Jam it right up

00:51:07.289 --> 00:51:09.170
to the hole in your face that you eat through.

00:51:10.150 --> 00:51:15.329
Now when I think about it, I cringe. So anyhow,

00:51:15.570 --> 00:51:18.250
it is probably a dirt bag from Belvedere anyhow

00:51:18.250 --> 00:51:21.949
with no teeth. You know, fuck. So, anyhow, I

00:51:21.949 --> 00:51:24.969
get these numbers down. And anyhow, one day I'm

00:51:24.969 --> 00:51:26.690
over at my friend Davey's and we're bored. And

00:51:26.690 --> 00:51:28.889
I go, hey, man, I got something we can do. What's

00:51:28.889 --> 00:51:31.269
that? See these three numbers? Yeah. They're

00:51:31.269 --> 00:51:33.110
the number two, the pay phones, and Belvedere

00:51:33.110 --> 00:51:36.070
Quick Trip. Oh, really? Let's just call it and

00:51:36.070 --> 00:51:40.690
fuck with people. Yeah, sure. Okay. So, you know,

00:51:40.730 --> 00:51:43.289
we call up, and the first time, it took a long

00:51:43.289 --> 00:51:45.150
time. I don't think anyone was there. Someone

00:51:45.150 --> 00:51:46.989
answered, hello. Hey, you know, this is a pay

00:51:46.989 --> 00:51:49.090
phone. I go, hey, you know, you're a dickhead.

00:51:49.210 --> 00:51:51.530
You know, just start screwing with them. Go,

00:51:51.630 --> 00:51:54.190
yeah, you're a piece of shit, man. Hey, you know

00:51:54.190 --> 00:51:56.750
who I got right next to me? Who? Your mom. You

00:51:56.750 --> 00:51:59.230
know, people get pissed off. Fuck you, bitch,

00:51:59.289 --> 00:52:02.099
and all this stuff. So, anyhow, we, you know,

00:52:02.099 --> 00:52:04.320
we call them up and harass them. People get so

00:52:04.320 --> 00:52:06.619
fucking mad. You know, we get them so mad, they

00:52:06.619 --> 00:52:08.260
threaten to kill us. They're going to come over

00:52:08.260 --> 00:52:09.460
and we're like, well, you're going to kill me

00:52:09.460 --> 00:52:11.199
when you don't know where I'm at, bitch. You

00:52:11.199 --> 00:52:16.079
know, this is before, this is in... maybe early

00:52:16.079 --> 00:52:18.619
90s at the most, late 80s, whatever, somewhere

00:52:18.619 --> 00:52:21.219
in that time frame. And, I mean, it was just,

00:52:21.320 --> 00:52:23.300
I mean, we had nothing else to do, so we'd call

00:52:23.300 --> 00:52:25.820
up and just get people so mad. Davey used to

00:52:25.820 --> 00:52:27.800
do this farmer impression. He used to tell a

00:52:27.800 --> 00:52:30.400
guy that his fucking goats were in his yard,

00:52:30.440 --> 00:52:32.519
and he was mad. Or, your fucking cattle trampled

00:52:32.519 --> 00:52:35.380
my fucking sheep, you bitch. I don't have, I

00:52:35.380 --> 00:52:38.050
don't have no farm. Yeah, you do, you son of

00:52:38.050 --> 00:52:40.570
a bitch. I know this is you, Mr. Johnson. You

00:52:40.570 --> 00:52:43.269
get your ass over here, and you get my dead fucking

00:52:43.269 --> 00:52:45.510
sheep, and you better fucking bury it. If you

00:52:45.510 --> 00:52:46.849
don't, I'm going to come over there, and I'm

00:52:46.849 --> 00:52:48.429
going to slap the stupid out of you, and that's

00:52:48.429 --> 00:52:49.929
going to take all day because you're pretty fucking

00:52:49.929 --> 00:52:52.809
stupid. And he would just keep railing on them,

00:52:52.829 --> 00:52:55.789
and the people get so mad and argue about, I

00:52:55.789 --> 00:52:58.889
don't have a farm. I ain't got no farm, you dumb

00:52:58.889 --> 00:53:01.269
son of a bitch. And he would just keep going,

00:53:01.449 --> 00:53:04.829
ain't got no farm, you dumb son of a bitch. And

00:53:04.829 --> 00:53:10.449
these people get so mad. So anyhow, one day I'm

00:53:10.449 --> 00:53:12.090
over there. I'm like, hmm, you know, it's starting

00:53:12.090 --> 00:53:14.010
to get boring. People get mad. Then they hang

00:53:14.010 --> 00:53:16.869
up. Then a lot of people just go, ah, fuck you,

00:53:16.909 --> 00:53:19.469
you know, and hang up. The smarter ones do. And

00:53:19.469 --> 00:53:21.630
although I question him answering a pay phone.

00:53:21.969 --> 00:53:24.269
And everyone goes, you know this is a pay phone,

00:53:24.369 --> 00:53:27.389
don't you? You know, it's like, okay. I heard

00:53:27.389 --> 00:53:30.860
that one before. All right, hang on. Oh, yeah,

00:53:30.980 --> 00:53:34.420
you're right. I'm sorry. What do you do? I noticed

00:53:34.420 --> 00:53:36.780
there's a White House right behind there. So

00:53:36.780 --> 00:53:39.719
anyhow, I'm like, okay, all right. Everyone always

00:53:39.719 --> 00:53:42.179
wants to know where I live at. I guess I'm going

00:53:42.179 --> 00:53:43.500
to live in that White House right behind the

00:53:43.500 --> 00:53:47.980
pay phone. So anyhow, most people are just kind

00:53:47.980 --> 00:53:49.400
of like they hang up and they don't want to go

00:53:49.400 --> 00:53:51.719
to that White House. This one guy that I was

00:53:51.719 --> 00:53:53.519
fucking with just constantly going, hey, you

00:53:53.519 --> 00:53:56.000
piece of shit, man. Yeah, you just don't sound

00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:57.639
right without a dick in your mouth. You sound

00:53:57.639 --> 00:54:01.360
completely different. You ball gargler. And all

00:54:01.360 --> 00:54:04.340
this stuff, man. You smell like chode. And this

00:54:04.340 --> 00:54:06.539
guy's just getting fucking madder than ever.

00:54:06.800 --> 00:54:08.420
I'm going to beat the shit out of you. Where

00:54:08.420 --> 00:54:09.699
you at? And I go, you want to know where I'm

00:54:09.699 --> 00:54:12.420
at, bitch? Yeah. Now, over there. Look to your

00:54:12.420 --> 00:54:14.500
left. Oh, no, no. Not that left. The other left,

00:54:14.599 --> 00:54:19.440
moron. Okay, you see that left? Over there? See

00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:22.000
that White House? I'm right here, motherfucker.

00:54:22.239 --> 00:54:23.780
I'm looking out the window. I'm waiting for your

00:54:23.780 --> 00:54:26.329
fucking fat ass to come beat me up. I'm going

00:54:26.329 --> 00:54:28.789
to smack the stupid out of you, and I'm going

00:54:28.789 --> 00:54:30.449
to do it in front of everybody. I'm going to

00:54:30.449 --> 00:54:32.489
call people over to watch me smack the fuck out

00:54:32.489 --> 00:54:34.969
of you. And this guy's getting mad. Oh, you son

00:54:34.969 --> 00:54:38.010
of a bitch. I'm going to fucking kill you. And

00:54:38.010 --> 00:54:40.530
I'm pretty sure the guy went over there. He was

00:54:40.530 --> 00:54:43.050
so mad. So he was so mad that he didn't even

00:54:43.050 --> 00:54:44.849
completely hang up. I heard it go click and then

00:54:44.849 --> 00:54:47.570
it fell on the ground. So he didn't look back

00:54:47.570 --> 00:54:49.630
or nothing. And anyhow, I hear a car peeling

00:54:49.630 --> 00:54:51.969
out. So I don't know about that guy in that White

00:54:51.969 --> 00:54:53.670
House, but I'm pretty sure he got into a pretty

00:54:53.670 --> 00:55:00.630
good fight. She looked at the police blotter

00:55:00.630 --> 00:55:02.889
the next day. Man in White House beaten to death

00:55:02.889 --> 00:55:05.969
by outraged ill -billy. There wasn't an internet,

00:55:06.130 --> 00:55:07.590
so it was like one of those deals where I had

00:55:07.590 --> 00:55:10.769
to wait for one of those little regional magazines,

00:55:11.110 --> 00:55:14.610
like the Southside or whatever, the Grandview

00:55:14.610 --> 00:55:16.909
Circle or whatever, the Grandview Dick Smack

00:55:16.909 --> 00:55:20.389
or whatever. One of those stupid little fucking

00:55:20.389 --> 00:55:23.769
mags to come out. Southside idiot, whatever.

00:55:25.049 --> 00:55:27.389
So, hey, I never did find out, you know, and

00:55:27.389 --> 00:55:29.170
I didn't want to know. I was afraid someone might

00:55:29.170 --> 00:55:30.929
have got killed in that whole scuff up, you know,

00:55:30.949 --> 00:55:33.389
but, yeah. Could be. It was at the hands of entertainment,

00:55:33.570 --> 00:55:36.789
so I justified it. Yeah, yeah. Were you briefly

00:55:36.789 --> 00:55:39.550
entertained? Oh, I was entertained for a while.

00:55:39.570 --> 00:55:41.409
I mean, especially the guys that just continue

00:55:41.409 --> 00:55:45.590
to get mad and just continue to try to insult

00:55:45.590 --> 00:55:48.420
you and one -up you without a brain. And you

00:55:48.420 --> 00:55:50.880
continue, like Davey, just roll over so many

00:55:50.880 --> 00:55:53.800
insults on them. And they just keep getting madder

00:55:53.800 --> 00:55:57.480
and madder and go, oh, yeah, fuck you. Oh, my

00:55:57.480 --> 00:56:01.619
God, you got me. Oh, you went to the F -bomb.

00:56:01.900 --> 00:56:04.960
Oh, someone get me some iced tea. Oh, my God.

00:56:05.019 --> 00:56:11.599
Oh, the pain. Anyhow, so the finality was ice

00:56:11.599 --> 00:56:13.639
calling down there. And this is later. I got

00:56:13.639 --> 00:56:16.710
bored with it, and I went back to it. And this

00:56:16.710 --> 00:56:19.849
chick answers. And I started saying something,

00:56:19.969 --> 00:56:22.170
you know, just started blathering some sort of

00:56:22.170 --> 00:56:24.630
shit to try to piss her off. She goes, Mark Wallace.

00:56:25.989 --> 00:56:34.670
Ah. Ah. Oops. Who is this? This is Danielle.

00:56:35.329 --> 00:56:38.309
Oh, fuck. What are you doing calling a pay phone?

00:56:39.230 --> 00:56:43.219
Long story. Hey, she busted me. That was the

00:56:43.219 --> 00:56:44.659
last time I called him. I'm like, fuck, man.

00:56:45.280 --> 00:56:48.659
That's it, man. No fun anymore. It's done. Yep.

00:56:50.679 --> 00:57:08.030
Cancel Christmas. Yeah. Pharmacy's closed. Two

00:57:08.030 --> 00:57:10.289
douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark here in

00:57:10.289 --> 00:57:13.130
the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap studio.

00:57:14.630 --> 00:57:23.670
And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, home of

00:57:23.670 --> 00:57:26.690
the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and water

00:57:26.690 --> 00:57:31.050
track, and also home of HMO Country Store, where

00:57:31.050 --> 00:57:34.389
you can find all your needs, including a selfie

00:57:34.389 --> 00:57:44.150
with the Sinclair dog. Thank you, Rob. I'm getting

00:57:44.150 --> 00:57:46.510
better. I'm getting better. You're doing awesome.

00:57:46.690 --> 00:57:50.650
You're doing great. You get a lot of compliments.

00:57:51.170 --> 00:57:54.369
Well, I do too. We both do. And I just don't

00:57:54.369 --> 00:57:56.469
mention them because it sounds like we're propping

00:57:56.469 --> 00:57:58.329
ourselves. But we would like to thank everybody

00:57:58.329 --> 00:58:02.670
that appreciates what we do. Yes. All right.

00:58:02.710 --> 00:58:05.070
First one. Speaking of someone appreciating us,

00:58:05.170 --> 00:58:09.760
we'll see. All right. Mark. Mark, just tell the

00:58:09.760 --> 00:58:14.699
friends right off, I do not do group chats. End

00:58:14.699 --> 00:58:17.019
of story. I did and have never been bothered

00:58:17.019 --> 00:58:19.960
again. I would still like to kick Mark in the

00:58:19.960 --> 00:58:22.440
nuts. Mitch, the guy formerly known as Mitchell.

00:58:22.840 --> 00:58:28.940
Mitch is back. Awesome. Yeah. Welcome back, Mitch.

00:58:28.940 --> 00:58:32.019
Welcome back, Mitchell. I want to kick you in

00:58:32.019 --> 00:58:37.610
the nuts, too, so we're even. But until then,

00:58:37.650 --> 00:58:40.429
my nuts are on notice. They know you're lurking.

00:58:40.570 --> 00:58:44.550
And I want to videotape you two kicking each

00:58:44.550 --> 00:58:47.449
other in the nuts. So, hey, we're all good. All

00:58:47.449 --> 00:58:51.570
right, okay. Mitch, thanks for coming back. We

00:58:51.570 --> 00:58:54.070
appreciate it. I'm sorry about way back then,

00:58:54.110 --> 00:58:57.170
but you did try to screw a chick in someone else's

00:58:57.170 --> 00:59:00.110
car. You did deserve it. I didn't know you were

00:59:00.110 --> 00:59:01.949
going to run out in a field with a fucking boner,

00:59:01.949 --> 00:59:04.449
okay? I'm sorry. That's the price of doing business

00:59:04.449 --> 00:59:08.090
in today's world. That's the way it is. That's

00:59:08.090 --> 00:59:10.989
why he has a problem with you and not me. Yes,

00:59:10.989 --> 00:59:15.010
it is. It is. And he has a bigger problem probably

00:59:15.010 --> 00:59:21.210
because I brought it up on the show. Mitch, love

00:59:21.210 --> 00:59:24.010
you. Keep it coming. All right. Love you, Mitch.

00:59:24.750 --> 00:59:27.349
And I really do. Mitch was a cool guy. Was he

00:59:27.349 --> 00:59:41.019
not cool? Yeah, and I'm also trying to... Ronnie

00:59:41.019 --> 00:59:42.599
and Tulsa, I don't think he's going to be able

00:59:42.599 --> 00:59:47.099
to make it up anytime soon. But I want to meet

00:59:47.099 --> 00:59:50.340
Ronnie really bad, too. He's royalty as well.

00:59:51.380 --> 00:59:55.960
So, anyhow. All right. Dudes, you guys are on

00:59:55.960 --> 00:59:58.300
to something. I find your show more entertaining

00:59:58.300 --> 01:00:00.940
than anything I could find on the dial or the

01:00:00.940 --> 01:00:04.139
internet. George and Philly. Number one, I can't

01:00:04.139 --> 01:00:05.880
believe someone in Philadelphia likes us how

01:00:05.880 --> 01:00:09.000
much we make fun of Nick Sirianni and the Eagles.

01:00:09.800 --> 01:00:12.500
But, George, thank you. This is what we're trying

01:00:12.500 --> 01:00:14.559
to do. We're trying to give you an option of

01:00:14.559 --> 01:00:18.400
something different. If it's your humor, you're

01:00:18.400 --> 01:00:19.980
going to love it. If it's not your humor, you're

01:00:19.980 --> 01:00:23.440
going to hate it. There's no ways about it. You

01:00:23.440 --> 01:00:26.309
either like it or you don't. You don't kind of

01:00:26.309 --> 01:00:28.110
listen to it or nothing. You either like this

01:00:28.110 --> 01:00:29.789
humor or you don't. And that's one of the things

01:00:29.789 --> 01:00:32.030
I like about it is if you like it, you're going

01:00:32.030 --> 01:00:33.750
to love it. If you don't like it, you're never

01:00:33.750 --> 01:00:35.030
going to listen to it again and you're going

01:00:35.030 --> 01:00:40.389
to hate us. Agreed? Agreed. And one of our mottos

01:00:40.389 --> 01:00:44.869
is we are trying to get your mind off everything

01:00:44.869 --> 01:00:49.050
going on in the world. Yes. It is a release.

01:00:49.429 --> 01:00:52.130
And I feel sorry for the people, and some of

01:00:52.130 --> 01:00:55.639
them I know, that don't understand that. And

01:00:55.639 --> 01:00:59.420
think like we're immature or we're doing something

01:00:59.420 --> 01:01:02.460
wrong for doing a podcast like this or something.

01:01:02.579 --> 01:01:04.980
I feel sorry for those people. They lost their

01:01:04.980 --> 01:01:08.440
fun in life. For real. And I'm not going to mention

01:01:08.440 --> 01:01:11.599
any names. We went through some of them. Okay?

01:01:12.059 --> 01:01:15.880
You guys have lost your sense of fun in this

01:01:15.880 --> 01:01:19.219
world. Why are you here? I'm not saying kill

01:01:19.219 --> 01:01:21.179
yourself, nothing like that. What I'm saying

01:01:21.179 --> 01:01:23.639
is if you lost the ability to enjoy yourself,

01:01:23.920 --> 01:01:28.639
you're miserable. So, anyhow, I could go on a

01:01:28.639 --> 01:01:31.400
lot more on this, but I'm not. All right. Rob,

01:01:31.679 --> 01:01:34.820
will you sign my loincloth, please? Wesley in

01:01:34.820 --> 01:01:38.199
Chapel Hills, I guess, North Carolina. Will you?

01:01:39.940 --> 01:01:43.440
Come to Missouri, I'll meet you. How about if

01:01:43.440 --> 01:01:50.079
you mail it? Mail it to him. I don't know. He'll

01:01:50.079 --> 01:01:52.139
even send you an autographed poster of him in

01:01:52.139 --> 01:01:55.320
his loincloth while he's knitting with his toes.

01:01:56.599 --> 01:02:01.760
But his free ball has to be blotched out per

01:02:01.760 --> 01:02:05.239
regulation. So it's going to be scrambled. You're

01:02:05.239 --> 01:02:10.099
not going to be able to see his stuff. All right.

01:02:10.539 --> 01:02:13.639
Mark, do you believe in postification euphoria?

01:02:15.679 --> 01:02:19.550
Yes, I do. You take a good dump, you feel great,

01:02:19.650 --> 01:02:25.269
don't you? Yes. I think it's real. I don't know

01:02:25.269 --> 01:02:28.710
why Samantha Paducah asked me that, but how about

01:02:28.710 --> 01:02:33.690
if I have New Guy explain it a little bit later?

01:02:33.710 --> 01:02:36.489
We're not ready for another break yet, but when

01:02:36.489 --> 01:02:39.510
we go to break next time, New Guy will explain

01:02:39.510 --> 01:02:43.769
post -defecation euphoria. Does that sound fair,

01:02:43.829 --> 01:02:49.780
Rob? Oh, he's already... Did you hear the last

01:02:49.780 --> 01:02:55.139
one? Oh, he is a dick. Oh, yeah, he's really

01:02:55.139 --> 01:02:58.440
going to hate us for this. Yeah. Well, new guy?

01:02:58.920 --> 01:03:01.579
Oh, he's already fucking flipping me off and

01:03:01.579 --> 01:03:04.320
walking off. Ah, well, you know what? Hey, new

01:03:04.320 --> 01:03:06.139
guy, if you don't do it, I got a guy down the

01:03:06.139 --> 01:03:08.380
road that says he's going to do it for tube socks.

01:03:09.300 --> 01:03:14.420
So fuck you. Oh, that got his attention. All

01:03:14.420 --> 01:03:18.440
right. Mark, I'm having a dinner party this Saturday.

01:03:18.659 --> 01:03:21.679
This is for wealthy business owners for the purpose

01:03:21.679 --> 01:03:24.159
of getting investors for a new project in the

01:03:24.159 --> 01:03:29.059
energy sector. I need to know, should I serve?

01:03:29.360 --> 01:03:35.500
And he wants your opinion, too. Or at least it

01:03:35.500 --> 01:03:37.260
said Mark, but I'm pretty sure he wants both

01:03:37.260 --> 01:03:39.239
our opinions. So I'm going to have you give your

01:03:39.239 --> 01:03:43.420
opinion, too. Garlic steak or prime rib? What

01:03:43.420 --> 01:03:47.460
should be the main course? Ronald Dozer, upstate

01:03:47.460 --> 01:03:50.019
New York. I'm going to say garlic steak because

01:03:50.019 --> 01:03:52.559
I am, that to me, I like it much better than

01:03:52.559 --> 01:03:59.039
prime rib. What about you? Actually, yeah, I

01:03:59.039 --> 01:04:03.219
would lean more towards the garlic steak too.

01:04:03.699 --> 01:04:06.619
Honestly, I mean, I love a good prime rib. I

01:04:06.619 --> 01:04:08.619
do too. I would lean more towards the garlic

01:04:08.619 --> 01:04:12.070
steak. I think so, too. I think more people would

01:04:12.070 --> 01:04:14.730
be more impressed with garlic steak. A really

01:04:14.730 --> 01:04:18.050
good garlic steak is a work of art. So if you're

01:04:18.050 --> 01:04:19.690
going to make them dinner, make sure, number

01:04:19.690 --> 01:04:21.889
one, make sure and get a good recipe and do it

01:04:21.889 --> 01:04:26.190
exactly like it says. And make sure that you

01:04:26.190 --> 01:04:28.550
serve probably with that garlic steak, would

01:04:28.550 --> 01:04:32.809
you say maybe asparagus? Maybe grilled asparagus

01:04:32.809 --> 01:04:38.769
in butter? Yeah. Asparagus. Yeah. A really nice

01:04:38.769 --> 01:04:43.190
good garden salad with romaine and other types

01:04:43.190 --> 01:04:46.170
of lettuce, the fancier lettuce, no iceberg.

01:04:47.610 --> 01:04:51.570
Probably the tomato grapes and grated, real grated

01:04:51.570 --> 01:04:54.230
cheese. Don't buy the stuff in the pack. Buy

01:04:54.230 --> 01:04:58.670
your cheese and grate it yourself. And then the

01:04:58.670 --> 01:05:02.429
cheese, I like feta cheese on my salads, but

01:05:02.429 --> 01:05:05.590
not everybody does. I mean, feta cheese is goat

01:05:05.590 --> 01:05:12.730
cheese. Yeah. Yeah. And also for dessert, I'm

01:05:12.730 --> 01:05:16.050
going to say key lime pie. What do you say? Even

01:05:16.050 --> 01:05:20.550
though he didn't ask all that. I'm not a key

01:05:20.550 --> 01:05:24.190
lime. Okay. All right. What do you, how about,

01:05:24.329 --> 01:05:30.909
I don't know. How about like a peanut butter

01:05:30.909 --> 01:05:34.389
souffle or something like that? Something like,

01:05:34.389 --> 01:05:46.989
yeah. Okay. So you've got to watch what you do.

01:05:48.110 --> 01:05:58.250
I don't know. I would have to get to know the

01:05:58.250 --> 01:06:02.329
person a little bit personally to find out. That

01:06:02.329 --> 01:06:05.050
would give me more of a clue. Here's my thought,

01:06:05.150 --> 01:06:07.610
Rob. Here's my thought. When you do the desserts,

01:06:07.750 --> 01:06:10.210
you have one sugar -free option and you have

01:06:10.210 --> 01:06:13.630
one loaded with sugar. Does that sound good?

01:06:13.769 --> 01:06:16.329
Yes. And that will impress these people, too.

01:06:16.369 --> 01:06:18.409
It's like, man, this guy's thoughtful. He came

01:06:18.409 --> 01:06:20.389
up with something that someone that might be

01:06:20.389 --> 01:06:22.949
wanting to lose weight or diabetic. It's like,

01:06:22.949 --> 01:06:26.670
no problem. We got them both. Yeah, and especially

01:06:26.670 --> 01:06:30.630
if you're trying to make an impact. Yes. Yep.

01:06:31.489 --> 01:06:36.269
So, Ronald Dozer, Upstate New York, thank you

01:06:36.269 --> 01:06:38.469
very much. I like that question. What do you

01:06:38.469 --> 01:06:45.260
think? That wasn't smart -ass or nothing. I do

01:06:45.260 --> 01:06:48.400
believe that the guy was rude. It kind of shows

01:06:48.400 --> 01:06:52.659
our sophistication, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How

01:06:52.659 --> 01:06:54.800
much of it is there, I don't know, but it did.

01:06:55.840 --> 01:07:00.460
No, you know what? I mean, look, we do dumb stuff.

01:07:01.380 --> 01:07:04.400
It doesn't mean we're dumb. We do dumb stuff.

01:07:05.119 --> 01:07:07.480
So there's a difference. There's a definite difference.

01:07:07.860 --> 01:07:12.199
We do dumb stuff for impact. Other people do

01:07:12.199 --> 01:07:14.719
dumb stuff because they don't know better. Okay.

01:07:14.880 --> 01:07:17.960
And also our dumb stuff is harmless. A lot of

01:07:17.960 --> 01:07:20.559
dumb stuff is very harmful. So anyhow, I'm getting

01:07:20.559 --> 01:07:23.840
on something else. All right. Finally, Mark,

01:07:23.980 --> 01:07:26.519
did you say the Dr. Pepper Museum offers the

01:07:26.519 --> 01:07:30.119
original Dr. Pepper formula for purchase? Was

01:07:30.119 --> 01:07:34.039
it just soda fountains or bottles and cans? Ross

01:07:34.039 --> 01:07:40.769
in Dallas. Ross. Thank you. That's amazing. How

01:07:40.769 --> 01:07:44.230
long ago did I mention that, the Dr. Pepper Museum?

01:07:44.269 --> 01:07:47.269
Maybe two years ago? Quite a while, yeah. It

01:07:47.269 --> 01:07:50.750
was quite a while ago. So Ross, well, we know

01:07:50.750 --> 01:07:52.429
Ross has been listening for a while because he's

01:07:52.429 --> 01:07:55.730
been emailing off and on, but now it's been regular

01:07:55.730 --> 01:07:58.389
for like the last couple of months. But Ross

01:07:58.389 --> 01:08:01.809
has been, he's been an original guy. He's an

01:08:01.809 --> 01:08:07.789
OG. He's from way back. And Ross, okay, to answer

01:08:07.789 --> 01:08:13.469
your question, It was, okay, it was sold only

01:08:13.469 --> 01:08:15.969
by 12 -packs and bottles. These are 8 -ounce

01:08:15.969 --> 01:08:19.409
bottles. And this was in the mid-'90s, you know.

01:08:19.989 --> 01:08:22.409
So I don't know. They might have them in cans.

01:08:22.489 --> 01:08:25.430
They might have them in different ways now. But

01:08:25.430 --> 01:08:28.590
you have to buy them by the 12 -packs back then.

01:08:28.689 --> 01:08:31.170
And they're in little 8 -ounce bottles. And it

01:08:31.170 --> 01:08:32.989
says on there, it has a completely different

01:08:32.989 --> 01:08:36.270
label. And it says, like, this is the original.

01:08:36.569 --> 01:08:39.399
None of the other ones say that. Because they

01:08:39.399 --> 01:08:43.340
use imperial sugar and all that. But the original

01:08:43.340 --> 01:08:46.180
one, the only difference between the other original

01:08:46.180 --> 01:08:49.060
one that isn't quite the original is, the kind

01:08:49.060 --> 01:08:51.060
that they mass produce and sell in specialty

01:08:51.060 --> 01:08:57.720
stores, they do not contain artesian well water.

01:08:58.000 --> 01:09:02.420
The stuff in Waco, Texas is the actual original

01:09:02.420 --> 01:09:04.859
formula. There's like four ingredients in it.

01:09:05.940 --> 01:09:09.439
And one of them is artesian well water. And that's

01:09:09.439 --> 01:09:12.439
what makes the whole difference besides the imperial

01:09:12.439 --> 01:09:16.680
cane sugar. So, yeah, 12 packs by the bottles.

01:09:16.739 --> 01:09:18.279
But I'm betting they have a different way of

01:09:18.279 --> 01:09:19.840
doing it now. I bet you they have them in cans

01:09:19.840 --> 01:09:22.500
now. But I don't know. And if you're driving

01:09:22.500 --> 01:09:25.020
there because you're from Dallas, about halfway

01:09:25.020 --> 01:09:27.939
to Waco from Dallas, there is a Texas Ranger

01:09:27.939 --> 01:09:32.920
Museum off of I -35E. That's the way you go to

01:09:32.920 --> 01:09:36.960
Waco from Dallas. Okay, or no, Doe. No, no, no,

01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:41.939
W, West. I -35 splits off. One's E, one's W.

01:09:42.060 --> 01:09:45.600
One's for East, one's for West. I -35W takes

01:09:45.600 --> 01:09:50.100
you to Waco, and halfway there, there's a Texas

01:09:50.100 --> 01:09:52.960
Ranger Museum. I highly suggest you go there

01:09:52.960 --> 01:09:56.579
if you haven't already. So, make it a couple

01:09:56.579 --> 01:09:58.539
-a -day event is what I'm saying. So, all right.

01:09:59.600 --> 01:10:06.159
Actually, if I'm thinking right, I'm thinking

01:10:06.159 --> 01:10:11.500
Tulsa King visited there. Oh, you know what?

01:10:11.659 --> 01:10:14.979
I think you're right. He did say that. Didn't

01:10:14.979 --> 01:10:18.140
he mention something about that? I don't know

01:10:18.140 --> 01:10:21.000
if he did or not. I visited the museum. He very

01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:23.239
possibly could have said. You know what? I thought

01:10:23.239 --> 01:10:26.500
he. I think you're right. I think he did. And

01:10:26.500 --> 01:10:29.539
was talking to you about it. I think you're right.

01:10:29.560 --> 01:10:35.899
Okay. Well, that's just another. wrong, Tulsa

01:10:35.899 --> 01:10:52.159
King, but I was thinking so. Yeah, let's take

01:10:52.159 --> 01:10:55.279
a second break and then we'll come back with

01:10:55.279 --> 01:11:06.350
Rob's Bag of Garbage. deification, euphoria,

01:11:06.409 --> 01:11:09.930
and do it with a smile. That's better, Dick.

01:11:10.149 --> 01:11:18.489
All right, we'll be right back. Hello, this is

01:11:18.489 --> 01:11:21.810
a new guy, and these two dimwits want me to explain

01:11:21.810 --> 01:11:25.430
post -deification euphoria, also known as poo

01:11:25.430 --> 01:11:28.750
-phoria. It is a real feeling of calm, relief,

01:11:28.869 --> 01:11:31.029
or even happiness after a bowel movement caused

01:11:31.029 --> 01:11:34.439
by the vagus nerve stimulation. which triggers

01:11:34.439 --> 01:11:37.600
relaxation signals, dropping heart rate and blood

01:11:37.600 --> 01:11:39.939
pressure, creating a sense of well -being or

01:11:39.939 --> 01:11:42.560
lightheadedness. It's a normal psychological

01:11:42.560 --> 01:11:45.560
response involving nerve signals, pressure release,

01:11:45.659 --> 01:11:47.960
and activation of the body's rest and digest

01:11:47.960 --> 01:11:50.899
state, often felt after a satisfyingly complete

01:11:50.899 --> 01:11:54.859
bowel movement. That's funny. I get the same

01:11:54.859 --> 01:11:57.039
sensation when these two fuckwads end the show.

01:11:57.699 --> 01:12:00.239
So, I guess Two Douchebags and Microphone Podcast

01:12:00.239 --> 01:12:07.130
is just like taking a dump. Fuckheads. When I

01:12:07.130 --> 01:12:09.949
was with that band, I wasn't drinking, so when

01:12:09.949 --> 01:12:13.569
we'd play drinking games, I'd have to drink this

01:12:13.569 --> 01:12:16.550
water, which is, you know... Not really much

01:12:16.550 --> 01:12:18.369
of a game, because half the game is watching

01:12:18.369 --> 01:12:20.329
everyone get drunk, you know, and they have to

01:12:20.329 --> 01:12:21.390
take a drink or whatever. It also gives you a

01:12:21.390 --> 01:12:23.489
one -up, though. You see stupid shit happening,

01:12:23.489 --> 01:12:25.689
and other people don't identify with it because

01:12:25.689 --> 01:12:28.569
they're smashed. But then again, it'd be fun

01:12:28.569 --> 01:12:31.350
or smashed because you'd be like, ah! Well, they

01:12:31.350 --> 01:12:34.390
came up with a variation for me since instead

01:12:34.390 --> 01:12:36.829
of drinking alcohol, I was drinking water. They

01:12:36.829 --> 01:12:40.210
made the exception as I could not get up. I couldn't

01:12:40.210 --> 01:12:43.340
leave the circle to go pee. Everyone else could,

01:12:43.560 --> 01:12:46.300
but since I wasn't getting hammered on water,

01:12:46.460 --> 01:12:49.600
then my punishment was I couldn't pee. That's

01:12:49.600 --> 01:12:54.460
a pretty... That lasted for a while, and I was

01:12:54.460 --> 01:12:58.020
like, okay, I voluntarily lose and quit, whatever,

01:12:58.260 --> 01:13:02.180
because I've got to go pee right now. Like that?

01:13:03.319 --> 01:13:06.739
Some of those drinking games went on way too

01:13:06.739 --> 01:13:09.560
long, and by the time we got back to the club

01:13:09.560 --> 01:13:11.989
to play that night, Some of us were still a little

01:13:11.989 --> 01:13:17.949
hammered. A little residual leftover glaze. They've

01:13:17.949 --> 01:13:20.369
never done that. And then you've got the choice.

01:13:20.729 --> 01:13:24.510
If you're that person, you start the gig off

01:13:24.510 --> 01:13:27.170
and you're kind of wasted, do you just keep it

01:13:27.170 --> 01:13:29.329
going throughout the gig or do you let yourself

01:13:29.329 --> 01:13:32.689
come down during the gig? And by the fourth set,

01:13:32.750 --> 01:13:35.729
you're like, fuck this, I hate life, let me go.

01:13:37.069 --> 01:13:40.289
I was talking to a guy at work similar to that.

01:13:40.750 --> 01:13:44.090
When I was younger, I used to have to decide,

01:13:44.329 --> 01:13:46.550
because we were out late one night having some

01:13:46.550 --> 01:13:49.529
beers and stuff, and I ended up leaving that

01:13:49.529 --> 01:13:51.989
place like 2 .30 or something, which is rare,

01:13:52.130 --> 01:13:55.609
rare for me. Obviously, I've been asleep a long

01:13:55.609 --> 01:13:58.710
time. And a couple days later, I'm talking to

01:13:58.710 --> 01:14:00.949
him, and I go, you know, when I was younger,

01:14:01.050 --> 01:14:03.489
I used to have that one moment where I had to

01:14:03.489 --> 01:14:06.069
stop for a second at what I was doing and go,

01:14:06.210 --> 01:14:08.329
all right. I've got to be at work in four hours.

01:14:08.810 --> 01:14:13.010
Do I want to just ride this out, hurry in, and

01:14:13.010 --> 01:14:15.210
try to sober up the last couple hours and go

01:14:15.210 --> 01:14:17.829
to work? Or do I want to shut this fucking thing

01:14:17.829 --> 01:14:20.909
down, get four hours of sleep, and then go in

01:14:20.909 --> 01:14:23.789
there and go to work? And usually, usually it

01:14:23.789 --> 01:14:25.390
was like, I'm just going to ride this thing through,

01:14:25.510 --> 01:14:27.949
and I'll sleep tomorrow, which I never did, because

01:14:27.949 --> 01:14:29.869
then all of a sudden a bunch of people show up.

01:14:31.560 --> 01:14:33.960
And anyhow, they go, hey, come on, man, get in

01:14:33.960 --> 01:14:35.899
the car. We're going to go over to so -and -so's.

01:14:35.899 --> 01:14:39.880
And I'll be like, oh, yeah, you know. And, you

01:14:39.880 --> 01:14:41.619
know, it usually takes me three or four days

01:14:41.619 --> 01:14:44.199
to catch up. And then I'd have to be usually

01:14:44.199 --> 01:14:47.039
a Tuesday night. But it seems like that would

01:14:47.039 --> 01:14:49.439
be the wiser choice is to stay awake and ride

01:14:49.439 --> 01:14:53.090
it out. When I was in that situation. Yeah, because

01:14:53.090 --> 01:14:55.229
you feel like shit. You actually get about three

01:14:55.229 --> 01:14:57.869
hours or two and a half hours sleep because you're

01:14:57.869 --> 01:15:00.050
forcing yourself to sleep, but you still want

01:15:00.050 --> 01:15:02.329
to party. You get a little bit of bad sleep,

01:15:02.449 --> 01:15:05.810
bad quality sleep. When you wake up, your body

01:15:05.810 --> 01:15:08.350
is finally to the point where it wants to sleep,

01:15:08.430 --> 01:15:10.770
but now you have to wake up. Yeah, when you get

01:15:10.770 --> 01:15:13.489
in that really deep sleep, you wake up. And then

01:15:13.489 --> 01:15:17.750
what's even worse is while you're asleep, you

01:15:17.750 --> 01:15:22.680
can't monitor your symptoms. take steps to counteract.

01:15:22.720 --> 01:15:26.100
Like, if you're dead asleep because you're half

01:15:26.100 --> 01:15:27.720
-wasted... No, you wake up where you're at. Yeah,

01:15:27.859 --> 01:15:30.260
I mean, you may be so sick to your stomach that

01:15:30.260 --> 01:15:32.079
normally you'd wake up and do something about

01:15:32.079 --> 01:15:34.939
it, but you're sleeping so hard in those couple

01:15:34.939 --> 01:15:36.640
three hours that it just sits there and gets

01:15:36.640 --> 01:15:38.979
worse and worse. By the time you wake up, you

01:15:38.979 --> 01:15:41.880
feel like total shit. Whereas if you'd stayed

01:15:41.880 --> 01:15:44.000
awake, you could treat those symptoms as they

01:15:44.000 --> 01:15:46.770
came up. You'd be more tired, but after the end

01:15:46.770 --> 01:15:48.569
of a couple hours, you're like, okay, I got my

01:15:48.569 --> 01:15:51.369
nausea under control. I got myself hydrated.

01:15:51.689 --> 01:15:55.050
I got some drops in my eyes. It usually worked

01:15:55.050 --> 01:15:57.390
out better because you had that time to start

01:15:57.390 --> 01:16:03.489
treating yourself. I would run into that not

01:16:03.489 --> 01:16:05.630
necessarily because I was wasted, but just because

01:16:05.630 --> 01:16:07.550
I was tired. Some of those out -of -town gigs.

01:16:08.170 --> 01:16:11.869
I'd work all day Friday, drive out to some hour

01:16:11.869 --> 01:16:14.729
and a half out of town, set up, play, tear down.

01:16:15.170 --> 01:16:19.149
And then I'd have to drive back to KC and get

01:16:19.149 --> 01:16:21.470
a little bit of sleep and go work Saturday. Because

01:16:21.470 --> 01:16:23.430
I worked a lot of Saturdays. And then when I

01:16:23.430 --> 01:16:25.329
was done with work, I'd have to load up, drive

01:16:25.329 --> 01:16:27.329
back to that little town where everybody else

01:16:27.329 --> 01:16:30.869
still was, and go play the second night. It was

01:16:30.869 --> 01:16:35.439
like, ugh, this sucks so hard. See, that's when

01:16:35.439 --> 01:16:37.640
I should have been freebasing coke or something.

01:16:37.800 --> 01:16:39.340
You know, that's when I needed all that energy.

01:16:39.579 --> 01:16:41.760
But, you know, there I was trying to exist on

01:16:41.760 --> 01:16:43.939
coffee and cigarettes. I just wasn't cutting

01:16:43.939 --> 01:16:49.000
it. Hey, everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm going

01:16:49.000 --> 01:16:52.699
to give you some tips for life. Record loud train

01:16:52.699 --> 01:16:55.380
noise on your phone. That way you won't take

01:16:55.380 --> 01:16:58.520
any big dump in the public toilet. Turn off your

01:16:58.520 --> 01:17:02.560
phone. And bam, nobody hears. Hello, this is

01:17:02.560 --> 01:17:06.680
Phineas J. Horace III. I'm here to deliver your

01:17:06.680 --> 01:17:13.859
music news this evening. We have some sad news

01:17:13.859 --> 01:17:17.420
for everybody. Bob Weir, the co -founder and

01:17:17.420 --> 01:17:20.640
guitarist for The Grateful Dead, has passed away

01:17:20.640 --> 01:17:26.739
at the age of 78. Bob, we hope you're grateful

01:17:26.739 --> 01:17:30.819
because you are definitely dead. Rest in peace,

01:17:30.880 --> 01:17:37.060
Mr. Weir. This is Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That

01:17:37.060 --> 01:17:40.159
has been your music news for this evening. I

01:17:40.159 --> 01:17:43.220
have one burning question for you all. Do people

01:17:43.220 --> 01:17:48.359
really skip around the Maypole? Two douchebags

01:17:48.359 --> 01:17:51.520
and a microphone. As entertaining as a botulism

01:17:51.520 --> 01:17:55.800
burp. Hey peeps, it's time for the police blotter.

01:17:56.439 --> 01:18:00.079
That's right stories about stupid criminals and

01:18:00.079 --> 01:18:04.060
the dumbassness that ensued. Let us begin now.

01:18:04.880 --> 01:18:09.340
A 24 year old man in Louisiana decided to rob

01:18:09.340 --> 01:18:12.640
a non -cash smoothie store. The smoothie store

01:18:12.640 --> 01:18:16.180
only took cash apps and orders online. When the

01:18:16.180 --> 01:18:19.140
staff informed the man there wasn't even a cash

01:18:19.140 --> 01:18:22.560
register on the premises, he became irritated

01:18:22.560 --> 01:18:26.119
and instead demanded a smoothie. with his weapon

01:18:26.119 --> 01:18:29.399
still out. While the employee made his custom

01:18:29.399 --> 01:18:32.659
smoothie complete with acai berries and monk

01:18:32.659 --> 01:18:35.520
fruit, the manager tipped of the police in the

01:18:35.520 --> 01:18:38.899
back of the store. Joel Bennett of Monroe, Louisiana,

01:18:39.020 --> 01:18:41.899
was arrested for attempted armed robbery and

01:18:41.899 --> 01:18:48.479
causing a disturbance with a deadly weapon. Oh,

01:18:48.479 --> 01:18:55.800
Lord, that man just sawed a puppy in half. Hey

01:18:55.800 --> 01:19:04.000
there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose. Oh no!

01:19:04.220 --> 01:19:08.380
That drunk guy just hit my child! It's okay.

01:19:08.939 --> 01:19:23.840
I have a clown nose. Clown doses are sold at

01:19:23.840 --> 01:19:25.260
keg stores online and pedophile conventions.

01:19:25.439 --> 01:19:27.760
Grab one today and make magic happen. Tomorrow

01:19:27.760 --> 01:19:29.979
morning while grinding your coffee beans for

01:19:29.979 --> 01:19:32.659
your double mocha latte, remember to not get

01:19:32.659 --> 01:19:35.500
your genitals caught in the grinder. It really

01:19:35.500 --> 01:19:39.840
hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe,

01:19:39.840 --> 01:19:44.579
everyone. Next up, things overheard in hell.

01:19:45.579 --> 01:19:49.159
Well, that little handsome CD is just a laptop.

01:19:49.539 --> 01:20:05.779
Uh -huh. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark

01:20:05.779 --> 01:20:08.420
here in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap

01:20:08.420 --> 01:20:16.819
studio. And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri,

01:20:17.100 --> 01:20:20.699
home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and

01:20:20.699 --> 01:20:23.779
Water Track, and also home of the Hickam Oak

01:20:23.779 --> 01:20:27.579
Country Store, where you can find all your needs,

01:20:27.680 --> 01:20:36.899
including a selfie with Nick. And the name of

01:20:36.899 --> 01:20:40.000
the dinosaur is Dino, by the way. Yeah, Dino,

01:20:40.199 --> 01:20:44.340
yes. And, all right. I actually looked it up

01:20:44.340 --> 01:20:46.979
the other day when I was going into this, yes.

01:20:47.239 --> 01:20:50.760
Yeah, yep, named Dino. And they can't say from

01:20:50.760 --> 01:20:52.659
the Flintstones because they don't want to pay

01:20:52.659 --> 01:20:56.960
them. So, he's just known as Dino the Green Dinosaur.

01:20:57.619 --> 01:21:00.560
Yep. Even though he does look like Dino considerably,

01:21:00.880 --> 01:21:06.960
doesn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Anyhow. Rob, let's go

01:21:06.960 --> 01:21:09.260
to the bag of... Our opinion. Our opinion, yes.

01:21:09.380 --> 01:21:13.880
Thank you. Allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah, allegedly.

01:21:14.680 --> 01:21:17.100
So, Rob, let's go to you. I think you might have

01:21:17.100 --> 01:21:18.899
a bag of garbage there sitting there, don't you?

01:21:19.060 --> 01:21:21.739
Yes. You want to get rid of some of it? Time

01:21:21.739 --> 01:21:25.500
for Rob's bag of garbage. The best segment ever,

01:21:25.600 --> 01:22:38.779
ever in the history of everything. Wow. Yeah.

01:22:38.979 --> 01:22:42.720
What they didn't disclose was that the filter

01:22:42.720 --> 01:22:49.640
was made of coccidio -like asbestos. Oh, wow.

01:22:50.279 --> 01:22:55.640
The most dangerous type known to cause mesothelioma.

01:22:58.479 --> 01:23:57.930
That's not good. Oh, wow. Yeah, they were smoking

01:23:57.930 --> 01:24:04.229
the Kent 3s. I remember Kent. Yeah. Yeah. I don't

01:24:04.229 --> 01:24:07.770
think they sell them anymore, do they? No, no,

01:24:07.869 --> 01:24:11.789
they are no longer. I don't know. As far as I

01:24:11.789 --> 01:24:14.810
know, you cannot find them. Yeah, I have not

01:24:14.810 --> 01:24:17.869
seen them in years, so I'm pretty sure they don't

01:24:17.869 --> 01:24:26.380
sell them. Okay. Wow. All right, you got another

01:24:26.380 --> 01:24:29.220
one, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. Okay.

01:24:29.319 --> 01:24:42.960
I got one more. All right. Easy one, quite the

01:24:42.960 --> 01:25:05.050
easy one. Okay. that's a great point yeah you're

01:25:05.050 --> 01:25:06.869
right there's always someone on a planet getting

01:25:06.869 --> 01:25:09.329
ready to try to fuck them up but he always they

01:25:09.329 --> 01:25:11.090
always act like their friend but they're not

01:25:11.090 --> 01:25:13.770
but then they have ulterior motives and captain

01:25:13.770 --> 01:25:16.510
kirk and spock figure it out and get him right

01:25:26.670 --> 01:25:31.550
I love it. It's true. Is that it on it? Yeah,

01:25:31.550 --> 01:25:36.869
that is it on tonight. I love that, though. It's

01:25:36.869 --> 01:25:42.689
true. All right. You ever hear the box demon,

01:25:42.710 --> 01:25:49.489
Rob? These sightings refer to a viral doorbell

01:25:49.489 --> 01:25:53.149
camera footage from March 2025 in York County,

01:25:53.310 --> 01:25:56.229
Pennsylvania, showing a person in a flower -like

01:25:56.229 --> 01:25:59.729
mask leaving an empty box and identifying himself

01:25:59.729 --> 01:26:04.329
as a box demon, a harmless prank that gained

01:26:04.329 --> 01:26:07.329
traction online and led to the person being identified

01:26:07.329 --> 01:26:10.090
by the police who confirmed no public safety

01:26:10.090 --> 01:26:15.199
threat. Why he'd done it, there is no... He has

01:26:15.199 --> 01:26:18.720
no reason why he done that. But he likes to do

01:26:18.720 --> 01:26:20.880
that. And he calls himself the box demon. And

01:26:20.880 --> 01:26:23.359
this is not the only time he's done it. But I

01:26:23.359 --> 01:26:27.399
wish there was a lasagna demon. Goes around with

01:26:27.399 --> 01:26:30.960
a chef hat. Like, you know, Chef Boyardee. Leaving

01:26:30.960 --> 01:26:32.840
lasagna at your doorstep. That would be nice,

01:26:32.939 --> 01:26:36.319
wouldn't it? That'd be real nice. Oh, yeah. Lasagna

01:26:36.319 --> 01:26:39.539
demon. It's like, hey, Rob. You know, you heard

01:26:39.539 --> 01:26:41.239
the dog barking, right? Yeah. You know who's

01:26:41.239 --> 01:26:45.750
out there? No. The lasagna demon. What? Okay,

01:26:45.829 --> 01:26:49.350
so here I come, okay. I answer, I go to the door,

01:26:49.369 --> 01:26:52.289
okay, and I come back, and okay, here you go.

01:26:52.369 --> 01:26:54.210
Who was that? Okay, so go ahead, Rob, do it.

01:26:57.670 --> 01:27:01.890
What? Okay, I'm coming back. I'm coming back

01:27:01.890 --> 01:27:05.109
from the door. Okay, we're both at your house,

01:27:05.189 --> 01:27:08.369
okay? And the door rings, okay? I'm coming back,

01:27:08.470 --> 01:27:11.930
and you go, hey, Mark, go ahead, ask me who it

01:27:11.930 --> 01:27:17.819
was and all that, okay? That was the lasagna

01:27:17.819 --> 01:27:24.319
demon. Okay, now it's your turn. I don't believe

01:27:24.319 --> 01:27:26.899
it. It's the lasagna demon. Look, come here.

01:27:27.000 --> 01:27:30.140
Look, look. See all that lasagna? The dude leaves

01:27:30.140 --> 01:27:32.939
the... Holy shit! Yeah, that's the lasagna demon,

01:27:32.979 --> 01:27:37.800
dude. Look at all this lasagna. Now, wouldn't

01:27:37.800 --> 01:27:41.029
that be great? Oh, that'd be awesome. Yeah. Too

01:27:41.029 --> 01:27:43.310
bad there's not a lasagna, Damon. Now watch out

01:27:43.310 --> 01:27:45.130
for my dogs, because they're about to eat it

01:27:45.130 --> 01:27:47.109
all. Oh, shit. You know what? Yeah, yeah. Put

01:27:47.109 --> 01:27:49.250
that shit up. Put them in the fridge. They're

01:27:49.250 --> 01:27:53.750
about ready to get it. All right. All right,

01:27:53.750 --> 01:27:59.409
Rob. You got something? Yeah, that's what I was

01:27:59.409 --> 01:28:01.569
sitting here trying to pick out what you want.

01:28:02.270 --> 01:28:08.970
Okay. Let's go ice cream, Coach. Hell yeah. Can't

01:28:08.970 --> 01:28:18.550
go wrong with that. Or simply experiment with

01:28:18.550 --> 01:28:21.850
what happened at the 1904 World's Fair in St.

01:28:22.050 --> 01:28:28.869
Louis. One of those creations is a dessert you

01:28:28.869 --> 01:28:32.609
probably have in your kitchen right now. The

01:28:32.609 --> 01:28:39.289
ice cream cone. The 1904 St. Louis World's Fair

01:28:39.289 --> 01:28:49.779
in St. Louis. ice tea, and candy. However, many

01:28:49.779 --> 01:28:52.720
food historians agree that the most influential

01:28:52.720 --> 01:28:58.439
food invention from the fair was ice cream cone.

01:28:59.319 --> 01:29:03.220
Ice cream itself was invented in China and became

01:29:03.220 --> 01:29:07.439
commercially popular in the 1850s. The ice cream

01:29:07.439 --> 01:29:12.060
cone was invented in Missouri, earning it a prominent

01:29:12.060 --> 01:29:19.869
place Cool. I know this. I said I didn't know

01:29:19.869 --> 01:29:51.500
this. Go ahead, please. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, it

01:29:51.500 --> 01:29:53.840
was invented, though. Does it go into how it

01:29:53.840 --> 01:29:58.260
was invented? Yeah. Sorry, I was coughing. Oh,

01:29:58.260 --> 01:30:17.409
okay. That's fine. That's fine. serving dishes

01:30:17.409 --> 01:30:21.289
and we rolled one of his thin waffles into a

01:30:21.289 --> 01:30:24.810
cone filled it with ice cream and then knowingly

01:30:24.810 --> 01:30:27.850
created one of the most iconic desserts in the

01:30:27.850 --> 01:30:30.630
world just like that there's nothing better than

01:30:30.630 --> 01:30:33.409
a waffle cone too a freshly baked waffle cone

01:30:33.409 --> 01:30:36.270
with ice cream in the middle of it is that not

01:30:36.270 --> 01:30:44.170
so fucking good oh that is so true yeah oh uh

01:30:44.409 --> 01:30:46.810
And the places that make their own waffles, and

01:30:46.810 --> 01:30:50.050
they're nice and steamy, and they put the whatever,

01:30:50.229 --> 01:30:52.750
mint chip or whatever in the middle. Oh, my gosh,

01:30:52.810 --> 01:30:57.789
that is so good. So, anyhow, go ahead. In this

01:30:57.789 --> 01:31:02.829
article, it says, if you're craving classic ice

01:31:02.829 --> 01:31:05.970
cream cone, here are some of the best spots at

01:31:05.970 --> 01:31:15.609
Martin's for you to check out. Okay. Mm -hmm.

01:31:16.369 --> 01:31:20.710
Remo's in Kent. Sparky's Ice Cream in Columbia.

01:31:21.710 --> 01:31:26.789
And the Falcon and Locust in St. Louis. Mm, okay.

01:31:27.449 --> 01:31:30.170
We have some good places here. Betty Ray's is

01:31:30.170 --> 01:31:35.789
amazing. They make everything themselves from

01:31:35.789 --> 01:31:38.149
scratch. And they even have, like, burnt ant

01:31:38.149 --> 01:31:42.170
ice cream. And not all the time. Burnt ant ice

01:31:42.170 --> 01:31:45.779
cream. It's fucking good, dude. I have my reservations

01:31:45.779 --> 01:31:48.880
about it, too. And I'm like, I don't know. Well,

01:31:48.960 --> 01:31:51.300
the lady at the counter, she said, here, I'll

01:31:51.300 --> 01:31:55.699
give you a sample. I tried. I'm like, yeah, I'll

01:31:55.699 --> 01:31:57.699
take three tons of that wrapped up. Thank you.

01:31:57.720 --> 01:32:00.119
I'll be back in 10 minutes. Yeah, that stuff.

01:32:00.260 --> 01:32:03.199
Oh, it was good. Real good. It was salty sweet.

01:32:03.460 --> 01:32:07.460
Salty sweet is good, right? Always. And it's

01:32:07.460 --> 01:32:10.239
Kansas City Joe's barbecue. Those are the burnt

01:32:10.239 --> 01:32:12.220
ends they put on it, which are fantastic anyhow.

01:32:12.880 --> 01:32:17.340
Some of the best burnt ends in Kansas City. All

01:32:17.340 --> 01:32:21.340
right. Thank you, Rob. Was that it on it or not?

01:32:22.199 --> 01:32:26.319
Yeah, that was it. Okay. Devotees at India's

01:32:26.319 --> 01:32:29.579
Bahari Temple were filmed drinking water from

01:32:29.579 --> 01:32:32.319
an elephant sculpture, mistakenly believing it

01:32:32.319 --> 01:32:35.140
was holy water, when it was actually condensation

01:32:35.140 --> 01:32:41.399
from the temple's air conditioning unit. How

01:32:41.399 --> 01:32:44.000
in the fuck do you get it's holy water from an

01:32:44.000 --> 01:32:46.020
air conditioning unit is what I would like to

01:32:46.020 --> 01:32:50.720
know. Okay, I'm going to go on. Spark a debate

01:32:50.720 --> 01:32:53.340
about faith, critical thinking, and health risks

01:32:53.340 --> 01:32:57.140
as AC water can harbor mold and bacteria. Despite

01:32:57.140 --> 01:33:00.079
warnings from a person recording the video, many

01:33:00.079 --> 01:33:02.380
continue to consume the water. Those who are

01:33:02.380 --> 01:33:05.159
spurs have a strong faith, I really guess, right?

01:33:06.729 --> 01:33:09.350
That's like tempting everything. God's going

01:33:09.350 --> 01:33:11.369
to take care of me because I'm going to act like

01:33:11.369 --> 01:33:17.529
this is holy water. Like it to be. Yeah. Anyhow,

01:33:17.529 --> 01:33:21.590
that's pretty much it. They were drinking condensation

01:33:21.590 --> 01:33:24.210
from an air conditioner, and they thought it

01:33:24.210 --> 01:33:26.989
was holy water, but it does not explain anything

01:33:26.989 --> 01:33:29.930
else is what got me. It's like, how did that

01:33:29.930 --> 01:33:35.119
holy water... get into a vase or a chan uh what

01:33:35.119 --> 01:33:40.880
do they call them a chanlin no no no shit a chalice

01:33:40.880 --> 01:33:44.199
yeah yeah how did it get into a chalice or whatever

01:33:44.199 --> 01:33:46.840
i don't get that you know was someone playing

01:33:46.840 --> 01:33:49.619
a joke on him i don't know it didn't explain

01:33:49.619 --> 01:33:51.979
it but i just thought that was interesting that's

01:33:51.979 --> 01:33:57.350
india's bahari temple So, anyhow, it is 9 -11.

01:33:57.529 --> 01:33:59.949
Do you want to go ahead and shut this show down,

01:34:00.229 --> 01:34:05.609
or do you want to keep it going? Actually, I

01:34:05.609 --> 01:34:08.449
think I'm probably done for the night, brother.

01:34:08.989 --> 01:34:12.069
You know what, brother? I've got to get up. Tomorrow's

01:34:12.069 --> 01:34:14.949
my early day. I have to be up at 4, so it's going

01:34:14.949 --> 01:34:18.770
to be a good idea for me to crash, too. I get

01:34:18.770 --> 01:34:26.170
up at 5 every morning. Yep. Anyhow, Grandma Opal

01:34:26.170 --> 01:34:30.689
update, she's not good. Not good at all. Yeah,

01:34:30.689 --> 01:34:35.510
so anyhow, we wish her the best. Yeah, she's

01:34:35.510 --> 01:34:38.329
in our prayers. We love her. And I hope she can

01:34:38.329 --> 01:34:40.270
still understand what we're saying. We love you,

01:34:40.270 --> 01:34:44.569
Grandma Opal. You will always be our most treasured

01:34:44.569 --> 01:34:47.470
listener. So thank you. Yes, always. And Jimmy,

01:34:47.470 --> 01:34:51.899
hang in there. It's not easy. All right, everybody.

01:34:52.060 --> 01:34:54.180
Thank you for listening. Good night, assholes.

01:34:55.279 --> 01:35:01.479
Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the

01:35:01.479 --> 01:35:04.520
show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea

01:35:04.520 --> 01:35:08.500
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.

01:35:08.579 --> 01:35:10.800
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.