WEBVTT 00:00:33.319 --> 00:00:36.659 Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come 00:00:36.659 --> 00:00:40.520 on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon 00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:43.259 and coke? There's a liquor store down the road. 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:47.000 If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since 00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:49.719 you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge 00:00:49.719 --> 00:00:53.079 out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your 00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:55.840 hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me. 00:00:56.020 --> 00:00:58.659 I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download 00:00:58.659 --> 00:01:03.000 every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:06.109 to make... All friends, family members, and workmates 00:01:06.109 --> 00:01:09.689 download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise 00:01:09.689 --> 00:01:12.689 to grab idle computers, work computers, friends 00:01:12.689 --> 00:01:15.750 computers, community computers, and other assorted 00:01:15.750 --> 00:01:17.930 phones and listening devices and download the 00:01:17.930 --> 00:01:21.670 show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will 00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:24.329 download the show and constantly barrage everyone 00:01:24.329 --> 00:01:27.870 with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane 00:01:27.870 --> 00:01:30.489 Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and 00:01:30.489 --> 00:01:33.500 scream the show's name from my front yard. And 00:01:33.500 --> 00:01:35.799 finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor, 00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:39.500 you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus, 00:01:39.540 --> 00:01:42.599 Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you 00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:46.739 go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's 00:01:46.739 --> 00:01:52.239 a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two 00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:54.799 Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind 00:01:54.799 --> 00:01:57.879 our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume 00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:01.200 we got the story wrong. At least we admit it. 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:04.560 Not like all those other guys. We can and will 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:09.080 lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:20.759 and a microphone. And now, Deep Thoughts with 00:02:20.759 --> 00:02:28.439 Mark. Should I throw away all my socks, then 00:02:28.439 --> 00:02:32.840 only buy 30 pair? Of one kind of sock. Will they 00:02:32.840 --> 00:02:37.560 eventually not match up? Hmm. I may never know. 00:02:42.680 --> 00:02:46.939 Great news, assholes. You can now email the douches 00:02:46.939 --> 00:02:50.759 anytime, anywhere. In the middle of a job interview. 00:02:50.919 --> 00:02:55.099 No big deal. Taking a bath? No problems there. 00:02:55.360 --> 00:02:59.919 Tap dancing. Easy as pie. Just send it to 2douches 00:02:59.919 --> 00:03:03.020 at mail .com. Do it now, pussies, or I'll smash 00:03:03.020 --> 00:03:07.319 you in the junk. Hey, all you ginger snaps. It's 00:03:07.319 --> 00:03:09.400 time for the douchebag question of the week. 00:03:09.620 --> 00:03:13.419 Turn all answers into 2douches at mail .com. 00:03:14.599 --> 00:03:18.159 Spell out the number 2. Send in your replies 00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:22.159 or Rob will find you. He is waiting for the word. 00:03:22.659 --> 00:03:29.110 Don't be bashful. You'll get yourself hurt. The 00:03:29.110 --> 00:03:32.469 question of the week is, are superstitions a 00:03:32.469 --> 00:03:35.710 must in your day -to -day life? For instance, 00:03:35.969 --> 00:03:38.870 you're on your way to work and a black cat runs 00:03:38.870 --> 00:03:41.909 in front of your car. Do you split down a side 00:03:41.909 --> 00:03:45.889 road or do a U -turn to avoid the bad luck? Email 00:03:45.889 --> 00:03:49.689 us at twodouchesatmail .com. That's the number 00:03:49.689 --> 00:03:54.229 two spelled out, kids, so don't fuck it up. Hey, 00:03:54.250 --> 00:03:57.169 everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give 00:03:57.169 --> 00:04:01.289 you some tips for life. Always answer the phone 00:04:01.289 --> 00:04:05.150 with, I have 1%. I will hang on as long as I 00:04:05.150 --> 00:04:08.370 can. That way, if it's someone you don't want 00:04:08.370 --> 00:04:11.930 to talk to, look off mid -sentence and you're 00:04:11.930 --> 00:04:16.209 done. Two douchebags, a microphone, and an effort 00:04:16.209 --> 00:04:21.250 to keep everything fresh. We offer you First 00:04:21.250 --> 00:04:28.910 World Problems. My 76 inch Smart HDMI, triphonic, 00:04:29.050 --> 00:04:33.589 stereo TV. My remote won't work unless I'm right 00:04:33.589 --> 00:04:37.910 in front of it. I can't believe it. This is bullshit. 00:04:38.790 --> 00:04:42.290 And now we look in on the adventures of the technical 00:04:42.290 --> 00:04:45.990 explanation guy. Excuse me, sir. Could you please 00:04:45.990 --> 00:04:48.430 be a good gentleman and pass the malt acetic 00:04:48.430 --> 00:04:52.189 acid my way? Do you mean the malt vinegar? Why, 00:04:52.189 --> 00:04:55.300 yes. Yes, I do mean the malt vinegar. Then just 00:04:55.300 --> 00:05:07.959 say the malt vinegar, you dumb buck. Two douchebags 00:05:07.959 --> 00:05:11.000 and microphone. This is a podcast that tells 00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:13.339 you only things you want to hear. Not really. 00:05:14.139 --> 00:05:16.660 Anyhow, this is Mark, and I am here in the Kansas 00:05:16.660 --> 00:05:19.860 City area at the Talk is Cheap Studios, what 00:05:19.860 --> 00:05:22.600 I call this mess here. But it's a beautiful mess. 00:05:23.149 --> 00:05:30.009 And it is a very cold January evening. Martin 00:05:30.009 --> 00:05:32.350 Luther King Day. One of the greatest men that 00:05:32.350 --> 00:05:37.170 ever lived. And anyhow, I like to make goat noises 00:05:37.170 --> 00:05:47.769 too. And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri. Home 00:05:47.769 --> 00:05:51.589 of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and Water 00:05:51.589 --> 00:06:14.540 Track. I love that, though. You can even get 00:06:14.540 --> 00:06:22.769 a selfie. But I love that, though. You mentioned 00:06:22.769 --> 00:06:25.050 that you could get a selfie with Dino the Green 00:06:25.050 --> 00:06:28.589 Dinosaur. That must know stuff. That is must 00:06:28.589 --> 00:06:31.629 know stuff. He's right out front. Hell yeah. 00:06:31.990 --> 00:06:35.189 He's a cute little booger, too, isn't he? He's 00:06:35.189 --> 00:06:37.730 a classic. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, I got 00:06:37.730 --> 00:06:40.389 several pictures of me trying to ride him, and 00:06:40.389 --> 00:06:43.290 it didn't go very well. Another picture of me 00:06:43.290 --> 00:06:45.069 smoking a cigar with him. That went a little 00:06:45.069 --> 00:06:48.629 bit better. And then another one of just taking 00:06:48.629 --> 00:06:50.930 him by himself, and he looked disgruntled. He's 00:06:50.930 --> 00:06:53.110 like, man, I wish that fat ass would get off 00:06:53.110 --> 00:06:55.850 of me. But anyhow. Then after that, there's like 00:06:55.850 --> 00:06:57.970 four kids jumping on him, so I imagine he probably 00:06:57.970 --> 00:07:01.550 missed me after that. But this is the one in 00:07:01.550 --> 00:07:05.290 Lamar, Missouri, at Lamardi's. Yeah, yeah, you 00:07:05.290 --> 00:07:09.310 mentioned that. Yeah. All right. I have to admit 00:07:09.310 --> 00:07:12.550 this, Rob. I felt kind of bad for Josh Allen 00:07:12.550 --> 00:07:17.389 and his season -ending press conference. I really 00:07:17.389 --> 00:07:20.490 didn't have an issue with Josh myself. It was 00:07:20.490 --> 00:07:23.470 the media and its constant propping up of him. 00:07:23.629 --> 00:07:26.750 He didn't ask for that. The media anointed him 00:07:26.750 --> 00:07:29.069 the best quarterback ever. And they've been doing 00:07:29.069 --> 00:07:32.269 this while Mahomes was winning all of the Super 00:07:32.269 --> 00:07:35.050 Bowls and winning all of the matchups in the 00:07:35.050 --> 00:07:37.930 playoffs against Josh Allen. That was not Josh 00:07:37.930 --> 00:07:40.550 Allen pounding his chest going, I'm better than 00:07:40.550 --> 00:07:44.250 him. That was the media trying to make him better 00:07:44.250 --> 00:07:50.699 than Mahomes. Yes. Yes, it was. Yeah. Josh Allen, 00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:53.180 I hear so much hatred towards Josh Allen. I'm 00:07:53.180 --> 00:07:56.019 like, you know, it's not Josh Allen you hate. 00:07:56.319 --> 00:08:00.339 What you hate is the media's reaction to Josh 00:08:00.339 --> 00:08:04.000 Allen because they so badly, in my opinion, the 00:08:04.000 --> 00:08:07.680 East Coast so badly wants any team close to the 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:10.600 coast, remotely close to the coast at all, the 00:08:10.600 --> 00:08:13.610 East Coast, that is, to win. And they wanted 00:08:13.610 --> 00:08:15.949 to be the best ever. And whenever that doesn't 00:08:15.949 --> 00:08:18.430 happen, they're not beyond fabricating someone. 00:08:18.629 --> 00:08:23.089 Maybe not fabricating them per se, but inflating 00:08:23.089 --> 00:08:25.750 their stats. And that's what they've been doing 00:08:25.750 --> 00:08:30.610 with them. Because on the last Sports Bastards, 00:08:30.709 --> 00:08:34.850 I went to a season -by -season comparison. And 00:08:34.850 --> 00:08:36.970 it can be compared because Josh Allen started 00:08:36.970 --> 00:08:40.529 his first season. Mahomes sat out his, you know, 00:08:40.529 --> 00:08:45.590 he... he sat behind Alex Smith and watched him 00:08:45.590 --> 00:08:47.769 all season. They played in the final game against 00:08:47.769 --> 00:08:50.350 Denver, which was basically an exhibition game. 00:08:50.490 --> 00:08:53.429 So they basically essentially started, they started 00:08:53.429 --> 00:08:59.470 the same year, okay, in 2020, 2019, I mean. They 00:08:59.470 --> 00:09:03.269 started in the same year, so being a starter. 00:09:04.250 --> 00:09:08.490 So, Josh Allen, his numbers aren't nearly as 00:09:08.490 --> 00:09:10.730 great as you would think. And like I said, I 00:09:10.730 --> 00:09:12.629 got no problem with him. I like the guy personally. 00:09:12.830 --> 00:09:15.809 And he was so distraught over losing again in 00:09:15.809 --> 00:09:19.669 the playoffs. His emotional response was really 00:09:19.669 --> 00:09:22.750 kind of heartbreaking. He was really, truly ate 00:09:22.750 --> 00:09:30.179 up inside. And then also right after that, his 00:09:30.179 --> 00:09:33.919 head coach, Sean McDermott, got fired too. And 00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:36.539 this is like a day later, he was let go. So there's 00:09:36.539 --> 00:09:39.299 a lot of aftermath to this. Yeah, and I don't 00:09:39.299 --> 00:09:41.820 think McDermott deserved to be fired either. 00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:45.639 And I'll tell you where they went wrong. And 00:09:45.639 --> 00:09:47.980 here's where they went wrong is they lost a lot 00:09:47.980 --> 00:09:50.419 of confidence after that 13 -second game, the 00:09:50.419 --> 00:09:53.919 very famous 13 -second game. And I don't think 00:09:53.919 --> 00:09:56.519 they ever fully recovered from that, in my opinion, 00:09:56.539 --> 00:09:58.639 from what I could see. What do you think, Rob? 00:09:58.740 --> 00:10:04.000 You're a football fan. Honestly, I told you I 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:06.919 have not had a chance to watch this year. I didn't 00:10:06.919 --> 00:10:08.919 get a chance to watch this weekend either, and 00:10:08.919 --> 00:10:12.120 we're in the playoffs. Oh, no, we're not in the 00:10:12.120 --> 00:10:18.299 playoffs. Oh, the NFL's in the playoffs. Okay. 00:10:18.860 --> 00:10:23.980 Yeah, I was busy. Sunday, I was under my house 00:10:23.980 --> 00:10:26.779 wrapping pipes. Yeah, you're going to need that, 00:10:26.799 --> 00:10:30.879 too. You see the weather forecast? Yeah, see, 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:34.620 I put it all through. Yeah, so Sunday, me and 00:10:34.620 --> 00:10:37.919 my stepson was under the house wrapping pipes. 00:10:38.860 --> 00:10:42.440 I've got to. Then went to my cousin's for dinner. 00:10:43.409 --> 00:10:47.669 Okay, I've got some heat tape, you know, the 00:10:47.669 --> 00:10:50.769 lights. I've got those that I've got to wrap 00:10:50.769 --> 00:10:53.610 around a couple of the water pipes that come 00:10:53.610 --> 00:10:55.830 in from the north side. But other than that, 00:10:55.830 --> 00:11:01.289 I'm pretty much good. So, anyhow, you know, McDermott 00:11:01.289 --> 00:11:04.169 was fired. So, Josh Allen, you know, really having 00:11:04.169 --> 00:11:07.870 a bad couple of days. So, I am, you know what, 00:11:07.950 --> 00:11:10.570 I'm somewhat of a hypocrite, though, about feeling 00:11:10.570 --> 00:11:13.929 bad about Josh Allen. If I'm ever in a bad, you 00:11:13.929 --> 00:11:16.350 know, if I'm ever having a bad day and all I 00:11:16.350 --> 00:11:20.309 want to do is get in a good mood, I put on the 00:11:20.309 --> 00:11:22.990 last five minutes of the 13 -second championship 00:11:22.990 --> 00:11:26.610 game. That game is the equivalent of having a 00:11:26.610 --> 00:11:29.299 four -month -old puppy. In your lap. It brings 00:11:29.299 --> 00:11:32.820 me that type of joy. It does. I watch that and 00:11:32.820 --> 00:11:36.419 I feel all good. I'm like, ha, ha, ha. So I just 00:11:36.419 --> 00:11:38.539 wish it was against someone else besides Josh 00:11:38.539 --> 00:11:41.200 Allen. But anyhow, I'll take what I can get. 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:44.840 You know, while we're on football, all the dipshits 00:11:44.840 --> 00:11:47.399 that are branding Caleb Williams as the new Patrick 00:11:47.399 --> 00:11:52.740 Mahomes are failing to identify this coming up. 00:11:52.980 --> 00:11:55.460 Well, not coming up, but what. what this is right 00:11:55.460 --> 00:11:58.279 here, okay? Mahomes has thrown several interceptions 00:11:58.279 --> 00:12:00.919 during playoffs and Super Bowl appearances, but 00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:03.299 he also threw four or five touchdowns to make 00:12:03.299 --> 00:12:07.240 up for it and win the fucking game. You know, 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:12.320 that is why. Caleb Williams is not a Patrick 00:12:12.320 --> 00:12:16.279 Mahomes. He threw interceptions but never recovered 00:12:16.279 --> 00:12:19.019 from them. He lost the game, including the game 00:12:19.019 --> 00:12:22.000 loser, the clincher, the interception he threw 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:24.019 that he didn't have to throw. They were in field 00:12:24.019 --> 00:12:26.799 goal range. It was in overtime, and both of them 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:29.019 already had the ball. All they had to do was 00:12:29.019 --> 00:12:31.460 kick a fucking field goal, get to three points, 00:12:31.460 --> 00:12:33.480 and walk off with a win, and then you go to Seattle 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:38.250 this weekend. But no, instead he threw the ball, 00:12:38.330 --> 00:12:42.389 and he threw it right into the arms of a defender, 00:12:42.669 --> 00:12:46.289 not even one of his own guys. So that guy, Caleb 00:12:46.289 --> 00:12:48.289 Williams, and then I looked at his stats, and 00:12:48.289 --> 00:12:51.990 his stats are very, very pedestrian. Okay, this 00:12:51.990 --> 00:12:55.450 is a 17 -game season, not a 16 -game season, 00:12:55.590 --> 00:12:57.909 and this is with some playoff games included. 00:12:58.309 --> 00:13:01.610 This is his season here. Now, Mahomes' best season 00:13:01.610 --> 00:13:07.570 was... It was 17 games, but it was 5 ,250 yards 00:13:07.570 --> 00:13:12.750 and 50 -some touchdowns, right? Phenomenal season. 00:13:12.750 --> 00:13:14.129 That was his best season. Then he had another 00:13:14.129 --> 00:13:16.409 season where he had almost 5 ,000. No, he did 00:13:16.409 --> 00:13:20.230 have 5 ,000, and he almost had 50 touchdowns. 00:13:20.230 --> 00:13:23.269 Now, this is Caleb Williams' best season to date, 00:13:23.370 --> 00:13:28.580 his second one. Okay, so he finished with 3 ,942 00:13:28.580 --> 00:13:30.779 yards, and this is with some playoff games added 00:13:30.779 --> 00:13:36.279 in a 17 -game season, and he had 27 touchdowns 00:13:36.279 --> 00:13:39.299 and 7 interceptions. That's almost... Way to 00:13:39.299 --> 00:13:43.440 go! But it's still... Way to go! He still didn't 00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:46.259 hit 4 ,000 yards with the extra games and everything. 00:13:46.539 --> 00:13:50.529 No. So what I'm saying is this right here. Okay, 00:13:50.649 --> 00:13:52.970 he is not anywhere near Mahomes, and neither 00:13:52.970 --> 00:13:56.009 is Josh Allen. And all these talking heads, and 00:13:56.009 --> 00:13:58.210 now they're really having fun because Mahomes 00:13:58.210 --> 00:14:00.850 isn't in it this year. All I've got to say is, 00:14:00.889 --> 00:14:07.149 wait until the revenge tour next year. We, as 00:14:07.149 --> 00:14:10.190 in the Chiefs, asked for permission to talk to 00:14:10.190 --> 00:14:13.750 Eric Biennemi. Eric Biennemi has accepted, and 00:14:13.750 --> 00:14:17.289 allegedly, but it's from really good sources, 00:14:19.559 --> 00:14:22.879 Tom Pacellero or whatever he is from NFL Network, 00:14:23.019 --> 00:14:27.820 I think he said that we do intend on hiring him 00:14:27.820 --> 00:14:31.019 as the offensive coordinator of the Kansas City 00:14:31.019 --> 00:14:33.299 Chiefs. Now, I think that's better than Matt 00:14:33.299 --> 00:14:36.460 Nagy, but you know who I would like to see, if 00:14:36.460 --> 00:14:38.139 he would do it, be the offensive coordinator? 00:14:38.759 --> 00:14:41.019 Besides, like, Alex Smith, I think he'd be a 00:14:41.019 --> 00:14:42.879 great quarterbacks coach, maybe an offensive 00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:47.200 coordinator, but Sean McDermott. But I don't 00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:49.679 know. Since he's been a head coach, he may be 00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:52.559 looking just for a head coach job. But if he 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:55.460 wants to get a ring and get some more notoriety, 00:14:55.559 --> 00:14:58.279 I'd love to see him here. I would love to see 00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:01.100 Sean McDermott work with Patrick Mahomes. What 00:15:01.100 --> 00:15:06.379 do you think about that? Yeah, I would like to 00:15:06.379 --> 00:15:09.220 see that myself. I would love to see that, but 00:15:09.220 --> 00:15:13.179 I think he's too far past that. He's been a head 00:15:13.179 --> 00:15:15.899 coach for eight years and been to the playoffs 00:15:15.899 --> 00:15:18.919 every year. I mean, I'm pretty sure he doesn't 00:15:18.919 --> 00:15:20.580 want to be an offensive coordinator, but then 00:15:20.580 --> 00:15:23.259 again, working with Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes 00:15:23.259 --> 00:15:26.799 could not be a bad deal on your resume. No, it 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:29.840 could not. So I think they're going to go for 00:15:29.840 --> 00:15:33.919 Bien -Ami, and I like Bien -Ami, but I just don't 00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:36.279 know if we want to go back in that same direction. 00:15:38.379 --> 00:15:41.399 keep going back and forth with him yeah yeah 00:15:41.399 --> 00:15:44.759 you know he keeps leaving to go get greener pastures 00:15:44.759 --> 00:15:47.779 and get that coveted head coach job that he never 00:15:47.779 --> 00:15:52.580 gets um you know maybe this time yeah let him 00:15:52.580 --> 00:15:54.740 figure it out on his own we love him and everything 00:15:54.740 --> 00:15:57.340 and wish him well but i don't know if that's 00:15:57.340 --> 00:15:59.320 necessarily the smartest thing to do is hire 00:15:59.320 --> 00:16:03.740 him back so time will tell because none of us 00:16:03.740 --> 00:16:07.600 really know so let's wait And then I was watching 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:09.480 the national championship game where Indiana 00:16:09.480 --> 00:16:13.259 is currently leading Miami 10 -0. And this is 00:16:13.259 --> 00:16:17.000 a college national championship, of course. And 00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:19.379 I noticed Tom Brady is on the sidelines there. 00:16:19.419 --> 00:16:21.519 I think they might pick Mendoza. They're talking 00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:24.360 about him picking Mendoza, number one. And this 00:16:24.360 --> 00:16:28.759 would be Mendoza, the quarterback of the Indiana 00:16:28.759 --> 00:16:31.799 Hoosiers. who are the number one ranked team 00:16:31.799 --> 00:16:34.460 and expected to win the national championship. 00:16:35.019 --> 00:16:38.980 And he's, I believe he's scouting Mendoza, which 00:16:38.980 --> 00:16:42.600 is great for us because the more focus they put 00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:45.759 on the quarterbacks, the more likely we are to 00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:50.720 maybe land that offensive lineman or a key element 00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:53.259 like the edge rusher. I think the edge rusher, 00:16:53.340 --> 00:17:00.379 where is he from? Yeah, as an edge rusher. So 00:17:00.379 --> 00:17:02.440 we'll see. I forgot the name of the guy, but 00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:05.019 they said if this is more of a quarterback -focused 00:17:05.019 --> 00:17:08.240 draft, the edge rusher should be there at No. 00:17:08.420 --> 00:17:11.079 9 or 10. I think we're No. 9. Should be there 00:17:11.079 --> 00:17:13.980 at No. 9 for us to pick up. And if he's not there, 00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:16.000 then I hope they trade down because I don't know 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:20.940 if there's anyone really that worthy. But I've 00:17:20.940 --> 00:17:26.369 been wrong before. So, Rob, have you ever heard 00:17:26.369 --> 00:17:32.130 anything more about the Epstein files? Well, 00:17:32.349 --> 00:17:41.809 no convictions, like we were saying. It's pretty 00:17:41.809 --> 00:17:44.740 much died down again. So I do know this, though, 00:17:44.859 --> 00:17:47.140 okay? I took the time to look up Bill Clinton 00:17:47.140 --> 00:17:49.940 and the supposed subpoenas, and here's what I 00:17:49.940 --> 00:17:52.660 found. Supposedly him and Hillary are getting 00:17:52.660 --> 00:17:54.799 ready to go contempt to court because they refused 00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:58.279 to testify about the Epstein and, you know, how 00:17:58.279 --> 00:18:00.559 many times he had been there, and I think maybe, 00:18:00.680 --> 00:18:02.839 I don't know if she was or not, but at least 00:18:02.839 --> 00:18:06.160 he was. Okay, yeah, that part, I did read that. 00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:09.710 I did read that. Okay, here's where I found because 00:18:09.710 --> 00:18:12.430 I heard a lot of people arguing about this, okay? 00:18:12.930 --> 00:18:15.490 And the only side I'm taking is this right here. 00:18:15.589 --> 00:18:18.069 If you're not fucking guilty, then go testify. 00:18:18.549 --> 00:18:21.150 That's the way I feel about it. So, all right. 00:18:21.670 --> 00:18:31.180 Yes, yes. Yes, yep, I agree. So Bill and Hillary 00:18:31.180 --> 00:18:34.160 Clinton did skip scheduled congressional depositions 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:37.579 related to Epstein investigation, refused to 00:18:37.579 --> 00:18:40.119 comply with the House Oversight Committee subpoenas, 00:18:40.119 --> 00:18:42.900 leading to Republican threats of contempt to 00:18:42.900 --> 00:18:47.079 Congress charges for defying the legal order. 00:18:47.200 --> 00:18:49.720 The Clintons argued the subpoenas were part of 00:18:49.720 --> 00:18:52.039 a politically motivated harass and embarrass 00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:55.849 tactic. But Republicans led by Chairman. James 00:18:55.849 --> 00:18:58.769 Comer, plan to proceed with contempt proceedings. 00:18:59.750 --> 00:19:05.369 So, after reading that, okay, here's my thoughts 00:19:05.369 --> 00:19:07.089 on this. And I don't care if you're Democrat, 00:19:07.269 --> 00:19:09.210 Republican, or nothing. I'm saying this, if you're 00:19:09.210 --> 00:19:11.549 a decent fucking person, someone that's involved 00:19:11.549 --> 00:19:15.710 in this, you want them known. Okay? So let's 00:19:15.710 --> 00:19:18.250 stop the fucking party bullshit and think about 00:19:18.250 --> 00:19:20.730 this rationally and how it should be thought 00:19:20.730 --> 00:19:24.289 of. Protecting fucking... children. So, well, 00:19:24.309 --> 00:19:26.569 my thoughts are this. Go testify and fucking 00:19:26.569 --> 00:19:28.390 prove it. Otherwise, to me, you're guilty as 00:19:28.390 --> 00:19:33.430 fuck with your actions, right? Right. Yeah. So, 00:19:33.450 --> 00:19:37.789 anything less than that? If you had nothing to 00:19:37.789 --> 00:19:41.990 hide, you'd be there. Yeah. Yes, exactly. If 00:19:41.990 --> 00:19:43.529 you had nothing to hide, you'd be there with 00:19:43.529 --> 00:19:46.289 fucking bells on going, yeah, yeah, hey, bring 00:19:46.289 --> 00:19:48.630 me a fucking microphone, man. Let me tell you 00:19:48.630 --> 00:19:52.279 what. Here's my proof. Yeah. I'd be like, bring 00:19:52.279 --> 00:19:54.119 everybody around here because I want you to hear 00:19:54.119 --> 00:19:56.200 this and hear it fucking once because we're not 00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:58.779 talking about this bullshit again. That's what 00:19:58.779 --> 00:20:03.240 I'm doing. But evidently, I don't know. Must 00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:05.019 be something to hide, in my opinion. I don't 00:20:05.019 --> 00:20:07.500 know. And I don't give a fuck who you are. I 00:20:07.500 --> 00:20:10.460 don't care if you're D or R behind your name. 00:20:10.579 --> 00:20:12.559 If you're fucking guilty, you're fucking guilty. 00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:16.680 So there we go. All right. Rob, a little bit 00:20:16.680 --> 00:20:18.519 different. You remember Denny's the night... 00:20:18.809 --> 00:20:22.789 the not quite as horrible waffle house. Yeah, 00:20:22.789 --> 00:20:26.809 you eat at 3 a .m. I do, too. I do, too. You 00:20:26.809 --> 00:20:29.049 know, you can eat there at 3 a .m. I don't know 00:20:29.049 --> 00:20:30.849 what they're like anymore. I know there's not 00:20:30.849 --> 00:20:34.589 nearly as many of them. I don't think so, either. 00:20:37.309 --> 00:20:42.329 So, Denny's has what they call sticker kicks. 00:20:43.029 --> 00:20:46.970 They're a limited edition sneaker featuring real 00:20:46.970 --> 00:20:50.480 sealed Denny's syrup inside the clear panels 00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:57.220 of the sneakers. I'm not joking. Sticker kicks. 00:20:57.759 --> 00:21:01.960 Denny's sticker kicks. They have Denny's syrup 00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:05.880 in there. You can buy this if you have absolutely 00:21:05.880 --> 00:21:13.200 no brains at all. Denny's dinerdrip .com or Google 00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:19.680 it. The syrup is not edible. Do what? Oh, okay. 00:21:19.799 --> 00:21:22.079 It says the syrup's not edible and the shoes 00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:26.880 should not be punctured. Okay, is that one of 00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:31.859 them clear bowls? Yes. Yes, I looked at it. That's 00:21:31.859 --> 00:21:36.819 it. Yeah, you can see the syrup in there. Okay, 00:21:36.900 --> 00:21:39.880 everybody, have you ever seen them shoes? That's 00:21:39.880 --> 00:21:43.539 the first thing to go is that plastic pops. Yes, 00:21:43.539 --> 00:21:46.180 you're going to have syrup everywhere, non -edible 00:21:46.180 --> 00:21:48.500 syrup, so you can't go get some fucking bread 00:21:48.500 --> 00:21:51.799 and like sop it up and eat it. Your best bet, 00:21:52.039 --> 00:21:54.460 if you're going to buy a pair, put them up and 00:21:54.460 --> 00:21:57.319 put them in a china cabinet or something. Yeah, 00:21:57.319 --> 00:21:59.960 yeah, just keep them as a collector's item, probably 00:21:59.960 --> 00:22:05.970 not wear them. Yeah. And then finally, on this 00:22:05.970 --> 00:22:09.430 intro here, there was a study done. And I think 00:22:09.430 --> 00:22:12.009 everybody who's lived a little bit has been through 00:22:12.009 --> 00:22:14.890 this before. And they finally come up with a 00:22:14.890 --> 00:22:17.650 clear -cut way, they say, the proper etiquette 00:22:17.650 --> 00:22:20.190 to get out of a group chat. Because I've had 00:22:20.190 --> 00:22:22.069 this happen plenty of times. It's not the fact 00:22:22.069 --> 00:22:23.970 that I didn't want to be in it or anything. Sometimes, 00:22:24.210 --> 00:22:27.089 you know, it was informative or needed to be 00:22:27.089 --> 00:22:29.529 or whatever, right? But the thing I hated is 00:22:29.529 --> 00:22:32.369 you go to bed and all of a sudden, ding, ding. 00:22:33.289 --> 00:22:38.069 ding ding ding ding it's like fuck damn it everyone's 00:22:38.069 --> 00:22:40.769 still texting they don't have to be at work at 00:22:40.769 --> 00:22:44.130 like four in the morning like me so you know 00:22:44.130 --> 00:22:45.869 everyone's still texting because they get to 00:22:45.869 --> 00:22:49.170 stay up another three hours so here is a way 00:22:49.170 --> 00:22:55.130 that the experts say that uh the proper this 00:22:55.130 --> 00:22:57.329 is a proper way of getting out of a group chat 00:22:57.329 --> 00:23:02.700 okay all right number one they say um A good 00:23:02.700 --> 00:23:05.519 thing to do is join the chat and give a brief, 00:23:05.559 --> 00:23:08.079 honest reason, like needing to reduce screen 00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:12.720 time, or you need to focus on something else, 00:23:12.759 --> 00:23:16.279 or a polite thanks for including me, but I'm 00:23:16.279 --> 00:23:19.299 stepping out to manage my phone time is another 00:23:19.299 --> 00:23:21.480 good one, which I've done before. I'd be like, 00:23:21.579 --> 00:23:23.000 you know, I've been on my phone too much, and 00:23:23.000 --> 00:23:24.960 I'm going to get off here. I've got other things 00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:28.480 to do. I think we've all been there, right? Oh, 00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:31.410 yeah, that's me every weekend. Yeah. Everybody's 00:23:31.410 --> 00:23:33.049 trying to get a hold of me, and I'm trying to 00:23:33.049 --> 00:23:36.269 get things done myself. No, I know. Yeah, it 00:23:36.269 --> 00:23:41.230 gets to me, too. Or a less direct approach, just 00:23:41.230 --> 00:23:44.990 mute notifications and archive the chat, which 00:23:44.990 --> 00:23:47.329 is a great idea. I never thought about that before 00:23:47.329 --> 00:23:50.170 that is. Just, you know, don't be notified about 00:23:50.170 --> 00:23:52.009 it anymore, and then just archive it. So if there's 00:23:52.009 --> 00:23:53.769 something you have to answer, you can read it 00:23:53.769 --> 00:23:56.609 later and go, well, I was asleep, but I see it 00:23:56.609 --> 00:24:00.150 now, and then you can answer it. Yeah. Honestly, 00:24:00.349 --> 00:24:07.069 my phone is always on silent. Mine is too. I 00:24:07.069 --> 00:24:09.710 get her out of my notifications. I don't want 00:24:09.710 --> 00:24:13.829 to hear that beacon when I'm sleeping. Mine is 00:24:13.829 --> 00:24:16.670 too. I always do that. And I piss Val off because 00:24:16.670 --> 00:24:20.970 I miss a lot of calls. Now, my alarm, it goes 00:24:20.970 --> 00:24:26.910 off. Even with the notifications turned off. 00:24:28.029 --> 00:24:31.769 That's all I need. No, no, no, me too. Yeah, 00:24:31.849 --> 00:24:34.509 and that's all I need at 4 -2 at night is waking 00:24:34.509 --> 00:24:37.730 up. But usually I wake up 10 minutes before anyhow. 00:24:37.930 --> 00:24:40.730 It's like clockwork. But if I didn't, I got to 00:24:40.730 --> 00:24:42.529 back up. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, you know what 00:24:42.529 --> 00:24:46.950 I mean. Usually about a half hour before. Yeah, 00:24:46.970 --> 00:24:49.650 me too, and going, oh, fuck, should I even try 00:24:49.650 --> 00:24:52.390 to? It's a crapshoot whether I'm just going to 00:24:52.390 --> 00:24:54.329 go ahead and go back to bed for the 10 minutes 00:24:54.329 --> 00:24:56.309 or if I'm going to stay awake. Normally I just 00:24:56.309 --> 00:24:58.549 stay awake. I'm like, you know what? If I go 00:24:58.549 --> 00:25:00.069 back to bed, I'm going to wake up feeling like 00:25:00.069 --> 00:25:03.009 shit. I feel reasonably okay. So I'll get out 00:25:03.009 --> 00:25:05.730 and, you know, try to linger around slowly. You 00:25:05.730 --> 00:25:07.230 know what I mean? Instead of just jumping right 00:25:07.230 --> 00:25:11.549 out. I at least try. Yeah, me too. If it doesn't 00:25:11.549 --> 00:25:13.829 work. Well, now I got this. Oh, go ahead. No, 00:25:13.829 --> 00:25:17.789 I mean, I try to go back to bed. Oh, okay. Well, 00:25:17.849 --> 00:25:19.390 what I've been doing lately is. Get that extra 00:25:19.390 --> 00:25:23.650 10. Get that extra 10. I can't blame you there. 00:25:23.730 --> 00:25:27.579 I wish I could. You're going to need it. Well, 00:25:27.579 --> 00:25:29.359 when I was younger, I could do that. But now 00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:33.200 as I get older, I don't know. It's like I know 00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:35.059 I have to get up in 10 minutes. So it's like 00:25:35.059 --> 00:25:37.819 my mind is like, no, you're going to stay awake, 00:25:37.900 --> 00:25:41.460 dickhead. You're going to feel like shit. To 00:25:41.460 --> 00:25:45.359 be honest, I do have days like that. I do. Well, 00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:47.160 I'll tell you what makes it easier is I have 00:25:47.160 --> 00:25:52.690 this. They're becoming more common. I get it. 00:25:52.710 --> 00:25:56.430 This recliner, I got this in the Talk is Cheap 00:25:56.430 --> 00:26:00.329 studio now, really helps me, like, have a little 00:26:00.329 --> 00:26:02.769 bit more sleep in the morning. Like, sometimes 00:26:02.769 --> 00:26:05.309 I'll wake up an hour before. I'll come in here 00:26:05.309 --> 00:26:08.049 and just, like, scoot all the way back on my 00:26:08.049 --> 00:26:11.430 recliner and usually take about a 20, 25 -minute 00:26:11.430 --> 00:26:15.250 nap and feel pretty good afterwards. Oh, but 00:26:15.250 --> 00:26:18.849 anyhow, we're going to wrap up the group chat 00:26:18.849 --> 00:26:22.549 really quick and then get to you. But my trick 00:26:22.549 --> 00:26:25.849 is this right here. You tell them your chat is 00:26:25.849 --> 00:26:28.769 messed up and only part of it populates your 00:26:28.769 --> 00:26:31.710 screen. And then finally you go, I can't take 00:26:31.710 --> 00:26:33.549 this anymore. I don't know what anybody's saying. 00:26:33.630 --> 00:26:37.390 I'll talk to you guys personally. Works like 00:26:37.390 --> 00:26:43.400 a charm until they hear this. All right, Rob, 00:26:43.559 --> 00:26:50.099 let's turn it over to you. Okay. Well, I ran 00:26:50.099 --> 00:26:56.599 across the world's strongest beer. And wait until 00:26:56.599 --> 00:27:01.940 you hear about it. Okay. Some food is meant to 00:27:01.940 --> 00:27:04.299 be enjoyed. Other foods are meant to be endured. 00:27:05.740 --> 00:27:09.019 From the bomb, the ultra hot sauce that makes 00:27:09.019 --> 00:27:15.740 some celebrities... on hot ones to the dangerous 00:27:15.740 --> 00:27:18.900 one -tip challenge. You can make a good amount 00:27:18.900 --> 00:27:24.140 of money by selling unpalatably intense foods 00:27:24.140 --> 00:27:28.880 for people who eat on camera. The usual approach 00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:33.019 is to make it incredibly spicy, but there's more 00:27:33.019 --> 00:27:47.090 than one way to make a TikToker squirm. Okay. 00:27:47.090 --> 00:27:52.349 Scottish Beether Fire, the strongest beer in 00:27:52.349 --> 00:27:57.650 the world, easily proves. Scottish Beether Fire 00:27:57.650 --> 00:28:01.089 isn't the kind of beer you might pop open at 00:28:01.089 --> 00:28:05.289 a cookout and drink with your buddies. Each bottle 00:28:05.289 --> 00:28:10.289 costs roughly $62, and that doesn't even count 00:28:10.289 --> 00:28:37.740 almost as much for shipping. Wow. That is insane. 00:28:39.319 --> 00:28:45.019 That's more than some brands of vodka. Yep. The 00:28:45.019 --> 00:28:48.319 brew gets its name from a dragon -like creature 00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:52.359 from Scottish folklore, even though in an ironic 00:28:52.359 --> 00:28:56.839 twist, the beeper doesn't actually breathe fire. 00:28:57.160 --> 00:29:01.220 Then again, Scottish beeper fire carries enough 00:29:01.220 --> 00:29:12.329 heat for both itself and its namesake. barley 00:29:12.329 --> 00:29:17.230 ale that gets brewed for two months before being 00:29:17.230 --> 00:29:20.950 blended with powerful spirits and filtered to 00:29:20.950 --> 00:29:25.529 make it an ultra pure it will absolutely clobber 00:29:25.529 --> 00:29:51.950 you I bet it does serving it in a small 35 -millimeter 00:29:51.950 --> 00:29:59.130 milliliter glass with cherry syrup and a lime 00:29:59.130 --> 00:30:03.869 juice to help it go down easier. But the publicity 00:30:03.869 --> 00:30:23.519 that those user reaction videos create... and 00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:30.039 smokiness. With a very malted barley -like finish. 00:30:31.359 --> 00:30:36.200 Sounds good. Rear Review had a somewhat different 00:30:36.200 --> 00:30:40.859 opinion. It tastes like burning, he said. My 00:30:40.859 --> 00:30:45.440 tongue is now numb. Maybe it's not quite as painful 00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:49.720 as the spiciest instant ramen on the market. 00:30:50.259 --> 00:31:12.309 Oh, I've heard about those. ABV stands for by 00:31:12.309 --> 00:31:23.470 volume, yeah. Wow. You know what? I usually like 00:31:23.470 --> 00:31:25.569 trying stuff like that, but to me that sound 00:31:25.569 --> 00:31:33.480 does not sound that good. Yeah. Yeah, does not. 00:31:34.359 --> 00:31:37.319 Okay, thank you, Rob. Well, should we go ahead 00:31:37.319 --> 00:31:39.220 and take our first break and come back with some 00:31:39.220 --> 00:31:42.559 emails? Sounds good. That's what we're going 00:31:42.559 --> 00:31:46.079 to do. We'll talk to you guys in a minute. A 00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:50.460 long time ago, there was this party house, and 00:31:50.460 --> 00:31:53.240 this is when I worked at Justin's Steakhouse. 00:31:53.380 --> 00:31:55.759 Oh, yeah. Okay, and all of us partied at night, 00:31:55.819 --> 00:31:57.779 and the guy that worked there, he... He lived 00:31:57.779 --> 00:32:03.359 back behind Jess and Jim's. And anyhow, he was 00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:06.940 divorced. So he had kind of like a party house 00:32:06.940 --> 00:32:10.460 back there. So me and a buddy of mine were sitting 00:32:10.460 --> 00:32:12.980 back there one night, and we're bored as hell. 00:32:13.420 --> 00:32:15.599 So we're daring each other to do stupid shit. 00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:18.259 So I told him, I said, all right, I forgot what 00:32:18.259 --> 00:32:20.119 he dared me. He probably ran around the block 00:32:20.119 --> 00:32:22.890 naked or something like that. Something stupid, 00:32:23.309 --> 00:32:26.490 you know, clucking like a chicken or like, I 00:32:26.490 --> 00:32:28.970 don't know. You know, just stuff that we could 00:32:28.970 --> 00:32:31.490 come up with that we could do. So I'm looking 00:32:31.490 --> 00:32:35.630 around. I look next door. And I guess there's 00:32:35.630 --> 00:32:38.029 like some party or something going on. And neither 00:32:38.029 --> 00:32:40.029 one of us heard about it. So we're the only two 00:32:40.029 --> 00:32:42.849 tool bags sitting here at that party house. We're 00:32:42.849 --> 00:32:44.390 just sitting there going, fuck, man, this is 00:32:44.390 --> 00:32:46.990 boring as hell. So, you know, we're doing this 00:32:46.990 --> 00:32:49.049 stupid shit that we're daring each other to do. 00:32:50.399 --> 00:32:52.819 I look out and there's a house next to it with 00:32:52.819 --> 00:32:57.559 this little porch. I go, hey, go out there, take 00:32:57.559 --> 00:33:01.319 a dump on the porch, light it on fire, bang on 00:33:01.319 --> 00:33:05.220 a door, and then come back. Sure. No problem. 00:33:05.859 --> 00:33:08.140 So, hey, I'm sitting there and I see this silhouette 00:33:08.140 --> 00:33:13.480 of a moonlight, this shadowy figure fucking squatting. 00:33:14.660 --> 00:33:18.299 See these fucking couple of turds come out. And 00:33:18.299 --> 00:33:20.259 see him fucking throw up his shorts real quick. 00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:23.380 And all this is just a shadowy figure. Then I 00:33:23.380 --> 00:33:26.319 see him stooped over. It took him a long time 00:33:26.319 --> 00:33:28.220 to get this fucker lit. I see him over there 00:33:28.220 --> 00:33:31.619 laboring. And I'm like, oh, shit. So then he, 00:33:31.619 --> 00:33:33.420 like, throws some leaves or some shit on it. 00:33:33.460 --> 00:33:36.720 And finally I see this little flame. And I see 00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:39.220 this, like, he kind of clenches up like, yeah! 00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:45.539 And all of this is shadowing, right? So, anyhow. 00:33:46.220 --> 00:33:49.039 I'm like, ah, good, good job, well done. So he 00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:52.119 comes back, he sits down, and we're sitting there 00:33:52.119 --> 00:33:55.339 waiting, waiting, waiting, nothing. We both end 00:33:55.339 --> 00:33:58.019 up passing out. So at 3 in the morning, I wake 00:33:58.019 --> 00:34:01.440 up, and I see, like, this glow. It's kind of 00:34:01.440 --> 00:34:06.480 an orange glow through the blinds. What the hell? 00:34:06.539 --> 00:34:09.199 And I hear a bunch of rustling and shit and people 00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:14.079 talking. All of a sudden, it dawned on me. Oh, 00:34:14.079 --> 00:34:16.280 shit, he burnt down the house next door. Oh, 00:34:16.280 --> 00:34:20.219 my God. So, yeah, I get up, I go over there, 00:34:20.380 --> 00:34:23.119 and there's like four firefighters with this 00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:25.579 hose, and a guy standing out there shaking his 00:34:25.579 --> 00:34:30.739 head, and they're all laughing because someone 00:34:30.739 --> 00:34:33.119 shed his shit on their porch, lit it, and it 00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:37.739 caught their porch on fire because nobody fucking 00:34:37.739 --> 00:34:40.199 answered the door. They were probably sound asleep. 00:34:40.420 --> 00:34:42.179 Maybe they're on sleeping pills or something. 00:34:45.059 --> 00:34:47.280 I'm like, dude, dude, wake up. He's like, oh, 00:34:47.300 --> 00:34:50.679 fuck, man. I'm on probation. I'm going to go 00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:54.000 to jail. I'm like, dude, calm down. It didn't 00:34:54.000 --> 00:34:56.219 burn the house down, man. Nobody died or nothing. 00:34:56.679 --> 00:34:59.239 Listen, they're all out there laughing and stuff. 00:34:59.320 --> 00:35:01.699 And the homeowner's like shaking his head like, 00:35:01.780 --> 00:35:09.719 who the fuck did this? So anyhow. The apocalypse 00:35:09.719 --> 00:35:17.340 just happened. You don't know what to do. In 00:35:17.340 --> 00:35:21.380 an apocalypse, you will probably need a good 00:35:21.380 --> 00:35:24.559 insecticide. Soybean, corn, and peppermint oil 00:35:24.559 --> 00:35:27.239 are some plant extracts that create powerful 00:35:27.239 --> 00:35:30.099 natural insecticides. They are some of nature's 00:35:30.099 --> 00:35:32.900 best organic and natural pesticides that when 00:35:32.900 --> 00:35:35.159 combined can make a far more superior weapon 00:35:35.159 --> 00:35:38.480 that growers can effectively use to improve their 00:35:38.480 --> 00:35:42.340 integrated pest management on their crops or 00:35:42.340 --> 00:35:48.670 on... Their person. This is Joshua Belmont, your 00:35:48.670 --> 00:35:51.449 food for thought man on The Hustle. So I just 00:35:51.449 --> 00:35:53.730 realized a genius that gets absolutely no credit. 00:35:54.070 --> 00:35:57.110 His name is Marshall Taylor. He's credited with 00:35:57.110 --> 00:35:59.170 the first bag of salad mix that was bagged and 00:35:59.170 --> 00:36:03.670 sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe he 00:36:03.670 --> 00:36:06.250 is still alive. This guy's genius will never 00:36:06.250 --> 00:36:09.570 be fully appreciated. Before this man, we settled 00:36:09.570 --> 00:36:11.969 for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons 00:36:11.969 --> 00:36:14.949 and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with 00:36:14.949 --> 00:36:18.369 that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana 00:36:18.369 --> 00:36:20.349 would never go out and buy a couple of radishes, 00:36:20.550 --> 00:36:22.789 a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage, 00:36:22.949 --> 00:36:25.610 maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine 00:36:25.610 --> 00:36:29.489 bladders for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should 00:36:29.489 --> 00:36:33.250 have a national holiday. Hey, my fellow heavy 00:36:33.250 --> 00:36:37.369 breeders, this is Dash Riptide, your music news. 00:36:39.210 --> 00:36:42.280 Tony Omi, the godfather of metal. is featured 00:36:42.280 --> 00:36:45.820 in the new limited docuseries Iommi, the godfather 00:36:45.820 --> 00:36:48.260 of heavy metal which streams exclusively on Gibson 00:36:48.260 --> 00:36:52.179 TV with the first volume released in early 2026. 00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:55.300 The series from Gibson Films explores his life, 00:36:55.440 --> 00:36:57.699 the origins of Black Sabbath, and his immense 00:36:57.699 --> 00:37:01.349 influence on metal music. A deep dive into Iommi's 00:37:01.349 --> 00:37:03.530 life, including his formative years in Birmingham, 00:37:03.909 --> 00:37:06.590 the extent that shaped his guitar sound, and 00:37:06.590 --> 00:37:08.929 the birth of Black Sabbath. Interviews with other 00:37:08.929 --> 00:37:11.409 legendary musicians like Brian May, Rob Halford, 00:37:11.449 --> 00:37:15.010 Slash, and Zach Wilder also featured. Don't miss 00:37:15.010 --> 00:37:18.409 it. This is Gash Rooktine, and that was your 00:37:18.409 --> 00:37:21.590 music news. If it's too loud, you probably have 00:37:21.590 --> 00:37:31.699 ear damage, just like me. We appreciate you taking 00:37:31.699 --> 00:37:35.760 the time to listen and share your opinion. Our 00:37:35.760 --> 00:37:39.619 podcast isn't meant to appeal to everyone, and 00:37:39.619 --> 00:37:43.420 that's okay. We focus on honest conversation, 00:37:43.760 --> 00:37:47.420 humor, and perspective. Even when it's rough 00:37:47.420 --> 00:37:51.199 around the edges, constructive criticism is always 00:37:51.199 --> 00:37:54.500 welcome. But dismissing something just because 00:37:54.500 --> 00:37:58.659 it isn't your style doesn't really reflect its 00:37:58.659 --> 00:38:03.039 value. to the people who do enjoy it. We're proud 00:38:03.039 --> 00:38:06.239 of what we're building, and we'll keep refining 00:38:06.239 --> 00:38:11.219 it as we go. Or, my only other suggestion is 00:38:11.219 --> 00:38:15.199 for you to go fuck yourself. Oh, hey, look at 00:38:15.199 --> 00:38:18.320 the time. It's time for the crazy -ass word of 00:38:18.320 --> 00:38:22.059 the day. Cito -cito -hypo -paraphyroidism. Hey, 00:38:22.119 --> 00:38:24.550 you yankers. We often think many things are just 00:38:24.550 --> 00:38:26.550 true because we've heard it our whole lives. 00:38:26.730 --> 00:38:29.429 That's why here at Two Douchebags and Microphone, 00:38:29.449 --> 00:38:33.309 we developed the segment, Not True. We investigate 00:38:33.309 --> 00:38:36.010 and uncover the real truth of what happened. 00:38:37.250 --> 00:38:39.969 Common thought for years was that if someone 00:38:39.969 --> 00:38:42.110 was to throw a penny off the Empire State Building 00:38:42.110 --> 00:38:44.789 and it was to hit somebody, it would kill them. 00:38:45.929 --> 00:38:48.409 The fact is, dropped pennies from the Empire 00:38:48.409 --> 00:38:51.039 State Building will not kill a person. It would 00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:53.880 leave an incredibly painful red mark, but should 00:38:53.880 --> 00:38:58.360 not kill you. Next up, Things Overheard in Hell. 00:38:58.599 --> 00:39:02.480 Hurry up. Kim Jong -un is playing Santa at the 00:39:02.480 --> 00:39:14.889 mall again this year. Yay! Two douchebags and 00:39:14.889 --> 00:39:17.369 microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City 00:39:17.369 --> 00:39:25.809 area at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob 00:39:25.809 --> 00:39:28.650 at Wheatland, Missouri, home of the magnificent 00:39:28.650 --> 00:39:32.510 Lucas Oil Speedway and Water Track, and also 00:39:32.510 --> 00:39:35.849 home of Hickam's Country Store, where you can 00:39:35.849 --> 00:39:39.190 find all your needs, including the selfie with 00:39:39.190 --> 00:39:46.420 the Sinclair dinosaur. All right. I love the 00:39:46.420 --> 00:39:49.539 selfie with the Sinclair dinosaur. You are. You're 00:39:49.539 --> 00:39:53.039 doing great. I love the you can take a selfie 00:39:53.039 --> 00:39:54.960 with the Sinclair dinosaur because that's what 00:39:54.960 --> 00:39:58.619 everybody does. That's right. You got to go to 00:39:58.619 --> 00:40:02.079 Hickam's. First, you go in and you buy you a 00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:05.199 burrito with the queso. Add the queso. Oh, yes. 00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:07.800 You got to add the queso. That makes the burrito 00:40:07.800 --> 00:40:10.679 so much better. You have a priest bless the inside 00:40:10.679 --> 00:40:14.659 of your vehicle. after that and then uh you go 00:40:14.659 --> 00:40:17.980 to dino and you take a cell phone right down 00:40:17.980 --> 00:40:20.400 the street so yeah you're good so there you go 00:40:20.400 --> 00:40:23.139 yep you even have a car wash there in case you 00:40:23.139 --> 00:40:25.059 get a rogue hail storm getting ready to beat 00:40:25.059 --> 00:40:28.440 down all over your car so there you go or or 00:40:28.440 --> 00:40:30.219 you have to clean out the inside of your car 00:40:30.219 --> 00:40:33.260 yeah that's true yeah because of uh yeah because 00:40:33.260 --> 00:40:35.500 of that burrito you may have to come back around 00:40:35.500 --> 00:40:38.260 and clean out the inside of your car but they 00:40:38.260 --> 00:40:42.920 are good They're very good. Oh, and I forgot 00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:46.300 to mention, they also do have a pet wash. Oh, 00:40:46.320 --> 00:40:48.980 they do. Yeah, yeah, the pet wash. And also, 00:40:49.079 --> 00:40:53.420 I have a theory. Remember up there in Osceola, 00:40:53.420 --> 00:40:55.420 coming back from Eureka Springs a few months 00:40:55.420 --> 00:40:57.760 ago? Yeah. And I told you about I got out to 00:40:57.760 --> 00:41:01.960 put in gas at that truck stop, and there's like 00:41:01.960 --> 00:41:30.559 30 piles of puke. It could be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 00:41:34.300 --> 00:41:36.679 Probably had to know what it was, yeah. That's 00:41:36.679 --> 00:41:40.159 what it was. All right. We got some emails, Rob. 00:41:40.519 --> 00:41:42.699 All right. All right, sounds good. All right. 00:41:43.000 --> 00:41:45.920 This is a test email. If this was an actual email, 00:41:46.139 --> 00:41:48.820 I would have told you both to fuck off. Vinny 00:41:48.820 --> 00:41:54.719 and Nola. I kind of like that. It worked? It 00:41:54.719 --> 00:41:57.039 worked. Your test email works. It's no longer 00:41:57.039 --> 00:42:02.639 a test. It's live. So Vinny and Nola. Can't wait. 00:42:03.910 --> 00:42:09.110 again yeah yeah yes and hey oh he's in nola yeah 00:42:09.110 --> 00:42:14.789 say hi to my cousin josh he lives in nola yep 00:42:14.789 --> 00:42:17.250 he's a guy that walks around in a bunny costume 00:42:17.250 --> 00:42:22.130 it's really cool right no that's not it okay 00:42:22.130 --> 00:42:24.789 forget that scratch that i was wrong i was wrong 00:42:24.789 --> 00:42:27.389 i was wrong oh wrong cousin okay that's the cousin 00:42:27.389 --> 00:42:32.960 i don't admit to Oh, okay. All right. So no bunny 00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:38.219 costume. Hey, Vinny, I want to know, do you prefer 00:42:38.219 --> 00:42:42.559 hand grenades or hurricanes? Which drink do you 00:42:42.559 --> 00:42:46.619 prefer? I am in firm corner of the hand grenade 00:42:46.619 --> 00:42:50.730 is much better. It's not nearly as sweet. as 00:42:50.730 --> 00:42:52.829 the hurricane the hurricane's too sweet for that 00:42:52.829 --> 00:42:55.610 much alcohol it's fucking lethal now a hand grenade 00:42:55.610 --> 00:42:58.190 will kick your ass too but at least you don't 00:42:58.190 --> 00:43:04.110 get sick from all the sweet so if you if you 00:43:04.110 --> 00:43:06.429 listen to this write us back and let us know 00:43:06.429 --> 00:43:09.210 vinnie we'd love to know and also can i stay 00:43:09.210 --> 00:43:12.230 at your place when we come down there Yeah, please. 00:43:12.849 --> 00:43:15.070 Yeah, we want to save a couple of bucks, so could 00:43:15.070 --> 00:43:17.289 we just, you got like a back part of the house 00:43:17.289 --> 00:43:19.329 or basement or something? Oh, no, they don't 00:43:19.329 --> 00:43:22.849 have basements there. Attic or something, I don't 00:43:22.849 --> 00:43:25.829 know. All right. Have you all ever considered 00:43:25.829 --> 00:43:28.889 sending samples of your show into a radio station? 00:43:29.250 --> 00:43:33.230 I think it would peak, and he spelled peak, he 00:43:33.230 --> 00:43:37.690 spelled peak the way it should be. with a QUE, 00:43:37.849 --> 00:43:41.670 some interest. So, okay, here it is again. Have 00:43:41.670 --> 00:43:44.110 you all ever considered sending samples of your 00:43:44.110 --> 00:43:47.829 show to a radio station or stations? I think 00:43:47.829 --> 00:43:51.010 it would be, it would pique some interest. Thank 00:43:51.010 --> 00:43:54.050 you. I really enjoy the podcast. Emily in Denver. 00:43:54.510 --> 00:43:59.250 Emily, thank you, but this type of a show would 00:43:59.250 --> 00:44:04.590 never fly on radio ever, ever again. Right. No. 00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:13.739 At the same time, Mark and I both have friends 00:44:13.739 --> 00:44:20.460 in the radio business. And my friend has listened 00:44:20.460 --> 00:44:27.480 to us, and he says we are doing great. And from 00:44:27.480 --> 00:44:31.739 what Mark says, his friends say that we're unbelievable. 00:44:32.760 --> 00:44:38.880 The emails. By themselves. It's unheard of. Nobody 00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:44.800 has as many emails. Yeah, no, no. The emails 00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:48.380 alone, I can't say too much. I almost got in 00:44:48.380 --> 00:44:53.760 trouble. My friend is well established in radio 00:44:53.760 --> 00:44:57.320 and also especially the podcasting section. And 00:44:57.320 --> 00:44:59.860 he really can't be identified because it would 00:44:59.860 --> 00:45:02.420 go against his contract, especially with the 00:45:02.420 --> 00:45:08.869 new company that he's with. So, I can't really 00:45:08.869 --> 00:45:12.730 reveal too much, but he said that the emails 00:45:12.730 --> 00:45:15.510 alone, because he's worked for morning shows 00:45:15.510 --> 00:45:18.610 before and good ones too. He said that the emails 00:45:18.610 --> 00:45:21.230 alone that we generate is phenomenal. He said 00:45:21.230 --> 00:45:24.670 that even the most popular shows don't generate 00:45:24.670 --> 00:45:27.190 that many emails. People just don't take time 00:45:27.190 --> 00:45:29.309 out of their day. He said the fact that people 00:45:29.309 --> 00:45:32.750 feel personal and close enough to us to do that. 00:45:33.070 --> 00:45:37.489 is phenomenal. So, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's tempting 00:45:37.489 --> 00:45:40.329 to do that, but we would never get a job in radio. 00:45:40.409 --> 00:45:44.690 And if we did, we would have to do like a minute 00:45:44.690 --> 00:45:48.050 of ha -ha, oh, let's take a call, and then go 00:45:48.050 --> 00:45:51.750 straight to songs. We'd rather do this. Am I 00:45:51.750 --> 00:45:55.449 right? Yeah. We'd rather talk. Yeah, this is 00:45:55.449 --> 00:46:02.179 what we do. So, yeah. It was just like, I think 00:46:02.179 --> 00:46:07.380 it was Johnny Dare, his Facebook or Twitter, 00:46:07.579 --> 00:46:10.679 whatever he has, I forgot. I think it's Facebook. 00:46:10.940 --> 00:46:12.900 He probably has all of them, but I think this 00:46:12.900 --> 00:46:17.420 is Facebook. It said, who else, you know, when 00:46:17.420 --> 00:46:21.579 they got the report cards, said, he talks too 00:46:21.579 --> 00:46:27.659 much. And I was like, yep, yep, me, Johnny, I'm 00:46:27.659 --> 00:46:31.159 sure, you, Rob. Talk too much, right? That's 00:46:31.159 --> 00:46:34.579 what we do. I thought that was pretty cool, though. 00:46:34.639 --> 00:46:37.500 I was like, yeah, yeah. I always got that first. 00:46:37.599 --> 00:46:39.360 It's like, yeah, if you give him the shut up, 00:46:39.380 --> 00:46:42.039 he's not a bad kid. My problem is I say things 00:46:42.039 --> 00:46:46.820 when I should. That's another problem of mine. 00:46:47.039 --> 00:46:51.360 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's just like Topher 00:46:51.360 --> 00:46:54.139 had the No Filter Studio, which fit both of us 00:46:54.139 --> 00:46:56.880 really good. But then he found out that somebody 00:46:56.880 --> 00:47:00.059 has a No Filter Studio, so he had to come up 00:47:00.059 --> 00:47:02.559 with something else. And I forgot what he called 00:47:02.559 --> 00:47:04.440 it. It's another good name. I can't think of 00:47:04.440 --> 00:47:10.820 it. So, all right. Okay, Mark. How do you keep 00:47:10.820 --> 00:47:13.900 fresh in the nether regions all day? Jimmy and 00:47:13.900 --> 00:47:17.300 O 'Fallon probably. Probably Missouri, I would 00:47:17.300 --> 00:47:20.639 think, over near St. Louis. How do I keep fresh 00:47:20.639 --> 00:47:22.659 in the nether regions? And you can answer, too. 00:47:22.739 --> 00:47:25.119 He asked me, but you can answer, too. But mine 00:47:25.119 --> 00:47:30.420 is ostrich blood. That's the way you keep fresh. 00:47:30.659 --> 00:47:35.840 Yeah, that's my go -to. Yeah, that works the 00:47:35.840 --> 00:47:42.019 best. Fresh ostrich blood, yes. Actually, I think 00:47:42.019 --> 00:47:44.800 our old buddy Steve is over at Renovale. too 00:47:44.800 --> 00:47:49.340 oh maybe it was steve oh no no it wasn't okay 00:47:49.340 --> 00:47:52.820 this guy says his name is jimmy so maybe it's 00:47:52.820 --> 00:47:59.420 not steve no we do we've gotten quite a few from 00:47:59.420 --> 00:48:03.840 st louis and proper the whole area there so um 00:48:03.840 --> 00:48:06.940 all right um oh and that's yours too ostrich 00:48:06.940 --> 00:48:09.960 blood is your go -to yeah yeah yeah that's yeah 00:48:09.960 --> 00:48:12.570 that's my go -to always on that There you go, 00:48:12.610 --> 00:48:15.269 Jimmy. Ostrich blood. That's your answer. Smear 00:48:15.269 --> 00:48:18.409 it all over the Netherlands down there. All over. 00:48:18.530 --> 00:48:20.949 You know, ass crack, nuts, everything. P -hole. 00:48:21.070 --> 00:48:24.250 Whatever you can get. Right in there. All right. 00:48:24.489 --> 00:48:27.570 Next one. This is for both douches. Which is 00:48:27.570 --> 00:48:29.750 better? A club sandwich or a Cuban sandwich? 00:48:30.050 --> 00:48:32.690 I'd think a club sandwich without a fucking doubt. 00:48:33.190 --> 00:48:36.789 Yeah. Club. Yeah, club. You get some mayo. You 00:48:36.789 --> 00:48:40.110 get some cold cuts. You get lettuce, tomato. 00:48:40.650 --> 00:48:45.809 Oh, yeah. because everything goes delicious together. 00:48:46.289 --> 00:48:49.530 Yep. Thanks a lot. No, you didn't give a name. 00:48:49.650 --> 00:48:51.449 Well, whoever you are, thanks a lot. You made 00:48:51.449 --> 00:48:57.329 us hungry. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Mike, I'll be eating 00:48:57.329 --> 00:49:00.489 when we get done. My wife is down there making 00:49:00.489 --> 00:49:07.750 squash, kielbasa sausage, and noodles. Ooh, that 00:49:07.750 --> 00:49:16.170 sounds perfect. That's like 50 degrees here in 00:49:16.170 --> 00:49:21.650 the studio. Oh, pretty chilly, huh? Oh, that's 00:49:21.650 --> 00:49:23.550 right. You have an older house. You don't have 00:49:23.550 --> 00:49:27.010 any forced air up there, so it's going to be 00:49:27.010 --> 00:49:31.110 50 degrees. Yeah, and the little electric heater 00:49:31.110 --> 00:49:33.309 I've been bringing up here ain't big enough to 00:49:33.309 --> 00:49:44.719 even touch me. It's like six inches away. All 00:49:44.719 --> 00:49:47.960 right. Well, I'm not a big boy, but you know 00:49:47.960 --> 00:49:54.340 what I mean. Yeah. I know what you mean. Sorry, 00:49:54.699 --> 00:49:58.900 I had to almost cough there, so I had to, like, 00:49:58.900 --> 00:50:02.280 stop. Anyhow, okay, that's what that was. All 00:50:02.280 --> 00:50:05.599 right. Mark, I just read where Sharon said Ozzy 00:50:05.599 --> 00:50:08.719 was being worked on and the medics were trying 00:50:08.719 --> 00:50:11.460 desperately to bring him back, and Sharon said 00:50:11.460 --> 00:50:14.429 she told him to stop and let him go. Why would 00:50:14.429 --> 00:50:17.610 she do that? She wanted him alive, I'm pretty 00:50:17.610 --> 00:50:22.349 sure. Tessa in Nebraska. I can tell you. So can 00:50:22.349 --> 00:50:24.630 I go ahead with yours and then I'll give my answer? 00:50:25.929 --> 00:50:28.969 Huh? Oh, I said go ahead with your answer and 00:50:28.969 --> 00:50:31.550 then I'll go with mine. Okay, well, I read a 00:50:31.550 --> 00:50:37.130 few stories about that. To be honest, that was 00:50:37.130 --> 00:50:47.070 Ozzy's wishes. Yes. to resuscitate it was that 00:50:47.070 --> 00:50:49.329 and i also believe there's a lot of this too 00:50:49.329 --> 00:50:54.170 sharon saw what how miserable he was how bad 00:50:54.170 --> 00:50:57.849 he felt day in day out and she wanted him out 00:50:57.849 --> 00:51:01.510 of pain yes it's the most loving act you can 00:51:01.510 --> 00:51:05.849 do to someone you love is to unfortunately just 00:51:05.849 --> 00:51:08.570 like an animal sometimes you have to put them 00:51:08.570 --> 00:51:10.969 out of their misery and it sucks and it's nothing 00:51:10.969 --> 00:51:16.610 anyone wants to do ever But it is a basic thing 00:51:16.610 --> 00:51:21.090 that you do to someone that you love. And it 00:51:21.090 --> 00:51:23.889 sucks because we all are encountered with that 00:51:23.889 --> 00:51:26.530 at least one time in our life. And that's one 00:51:26.530 --> 00:51:28.789 time too many to have to deal with that. But 00:51:28.789 --> 00:51:32.449 there you go. Yeah, that's why. Thank you, Rob. 00:51:32.610 --> 00:51:37.969 I appreciate that. I agree with that 100%. Next 00:51:37.969 --> 00:51:41.670 one. This is a food one today. No one's asked 00:51:41.670 --> 00:51:44.699 about the food dude for a while. Okay, corn or 00:51:44.699 --> 00:51:48.079 flour tortillas? I'm asking for a friend. Oh, 00:51:48.119 --> 00:51:51.420 oh, oh, Rossington and Dallas. Okay, that's cool. 00:51:53.920 --> 00:51:56.860 Flour. I like flour tortillas better. What about 00:51:56.860 --> 00:52:03.199 you? Okay. Here's where I have to be difficult 00:52:03.199 --> 00:52:06.440 on this. Okay. It depends on what you're having. 00:52:07.460 --> 00:52:10.559 You know what? That is actually the best answer. 00:52:10.699 --> 00:52:15.480 Depends on what you're having, Rossington. Yeah. 00:52:15.480 --> 00:52:20.179 Well, today he's Rossington. Yeah, flour goes 00:52:20.179 --> 00:52:24.579 good with some things, where corn would go better 00:52:24.579 --> 00:52:28.059 with other things. That's true. That's true. 00:52:29.960 --> 00:52:34.320 Okay. All right. I'm going to go with flour generally, 00:52:34.360 --> 00:52:40.119 but what Rob said is true. Yeah. All right. Hey, 00:52:40.159 --> 00:52:42.800 guys, if there's any way you can scramble my 00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:45.380 voice, I'd love to call in some time. Ronnie 00:52:45.380 --> 00:52:47.639 in Tulsa, the Tulsa King. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, 00:52:47.639 --> 00:52:51.760 yeah. Okay, yeah. Ronnie, we will figure it out 00:52:51.760 --> 00:52:54.079 for you, Ronnie. Don't worry about that. We will 00:52:54.079 --> 00:52:59.860 figure it out for you. Yes. And also, I know 00:52:59.860 --> 00:53:02.659 why you got to scramble your voice, so we will 00:53:02.659 --> 00:53:04.679 make sure it gets done if you want to come on 00:53:04.679 --> 00:53:07.739 here, because I am not going to do that to you. 00:53:07.820 --> 00:53:12.309 I know. I know how. You know what? I'm not saying 00:53:12.309 --> 00:53:16.070 anymore. That's it right there. Ronnie in Tulsa, 00:53:16.090 --> 00:53:19.710 thank you. The Tulsa King, of course. Of course 00:53:19.710 --> 00:53:23.150 we will. So you give me the nod, and I'll either 00:53:23.150 --> 00:53:25.889 give you the number to call in or whatever you 00:53:25.889 --> 00:53:30.269 need, or I can call you. And sure, we'll figure 00:53:30.269 --> 00:53:33.210 out a way to scramble it. All right, I've got 00:53:33.210 --> 00:53:35.050 a featured email, but let's go to your thing 00:53:35.050 --> 00:53:41.039 first. And then we'll do this, okay? Because 00:53:41.039 --> 00:53:42.599 we're going to probably have to have a new guy 00:53:42.599 --> 00:53:46.500 explain it. So, go right ahead. Okay, okay. Well, 00:53:47.440 --> 00:53:50.559 you know what time it is now. I think it's probably 00:53:50.559 --> 00:53:56.179 bag of garbage time. Emails are done. Ah, there 00:53:56.179 --> 00:54:00.099 we go. Oh, damn. I got shit flying out. I definitely 00:54:00.099 --> 00:54:02.980 got to get to this. Oh, hell, see? Still haven't 00:54:02.980 --> 00:54:17.329 done it yet. one of Hollywood's wildest award 00:54:17.329 --> 00:54:22.889 season plot twists. She showed up in person to 00:54:22.889 --> 00:54:26.710 accept the golden raspberry for worst actress 00:54:26.710 --> 00:54:38.010 in All About Steve. Now, less than 24 hours later, 00:54:38.190 --> 00:54:44.070 she was back on stage, this time clutching the 00:54:44.070 --> 00:54:47.679 academy. the award for best actress in The Blind 00:54:47.679 --> 00:54:57.039 Side from Razzie to Oscar in a single day. Talk 00:54:57.039 --> 00:55:06.739 about rage. That's impressive. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. 00:55:06.900 --> 00:55:10.239 24 hours. That's crazy. That is. That's cooler 00:55:10.239 --> 00:55:14.389 than shit. And I love the fact that she did it 00:55:14.389 --> 00:55:16.570 anyhow. You know, a raspberry is supposed to 00:55:16.570 --> 00:55:19.849 be horrible and all that. She's like, I got an 00:55:19.849 --> 00:55:21.690 award. I'm going to go. I think that's fucking 00:55:21.690 --> 00:55:26.389 great. Yeah, she got the worst actress and then 00:55:26.389 --> 00:55:28.829 turned around 24 hours later and got the best 00:55:28.829 --> 00:55:33.130 actress. You know she had fun with that. She 00:55:33.130 --> 00:55:46.769 did. She did. So anyhow, all right. Oh, Danny, 00:55:46.989 --> 00:55:50.329 get your ass back in there. I think that thing 00:55:50.329 --> 00:55:54.949 bit me. Pretty lively, huh? I've really got to 00:55:54.949 --> 00:56:01.309 take it back. Oh, yes. This is a classic. Okay. 00:56:02.110 --> 00:56:07.829 This is a classic. The Woodstock 99 Festival 00:56:07.829 --> 00:56:13.760 intended to celebrate peace and music. is instead 00:56:13.760 --> 00:56:18.179 remembered as a logistical and humanitarian disaster. 00:56:19.920 --> 00:56:23.639 One of the most harrowing aspects of the event 00:56:23.639 --> 00:56:27.719 involved the mud pits that formed near the main 00:56:27.719 --> 00:56:32.059 stages. Thousands of festival goers, enduring 00:56:32.059 --> 00:56:35.300 temperatures exceeding 100 degrees Fahrenheit, 00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:40.239 dove into these pits to cool off. Wrestling and 00:56:40.239 --> 00:56:46.690 sliding in, They assumed this was rainwater and 00:56:46.690 --> 00:56:52.409 dirt. However, the reality was much more dangerous. 00:56:53.789 --> 00:56:58.269 The festival's sanitation infrastructure was 00:56:58.269 --> 00:57:03.289 woefully inadequate for the 200 ,000 -plus attendees. 00:57:03.909 --> 00:57:07.670 As affordable toilets reached capacity and broke 00:57:07.670 --> 00:57:11.409 down, The waste began to overflow and leak into 00:57:11.409 --> 00:57:15.550 the ceramic soil. Compounding the issue, some 00:57:15.550 --> 00:57:19.429 attendees purposely tipped over the units and 00:57:19.429 --> 00:57:24.050 the water lines used for drinking and showers 00:57:24.050 --> 00:57:27.570 were located in close proximity to the drainage 00:57:27.570 --> 00:57:34.869 areas. The mud was actually a toxic mixture of 00:57:34.869 --> 00:57:38.670 dirt and raw sewage. Many of those who played 00:57:38.670 --> 00:57:42.409 in the pit soon suffered from severe skin rashes 00:57:42.409 --> 00:57:49.230 and gastrointestinal illnesses. By the end of 00:57:49.230 --> 00:57:52.829 the weekend, the site had become a public health 00:57:52.829 --> 00:57:56.329 nightmare contributing to the chaotic and aggressive 00:57:56.329 --> 00:57:59.690 atmosphere that eventually led to widespread 00:57:59.690 --> 00:58:10.000 rioting and fires. Why don't you look at a picture 00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:16.500 of a dude sick in it? Oh my, no, it is not cool. 00:58:17.400 --> 00:58:21.960 Oh, there's a group of five of them smiling. 00:58:22.519 --> 00:58:26.420 Yeah, no, dude. Yeah, wait till you read this. 00:58:27.360 --> 00:58:40.179 Wait till you hear this. okay thank you rob um 00:58:40.179 --> 00:58:45.440 like i said i've got a featured email here um 00:58:45.440 --> 00:58:48.139 so i guess i'll go ahead and go into it all right 00:58:48.139 --> 00:58:52.300 hey mark could you please explain cryptocurrency 00:58:52.300 --> 00:58:56.420 i was looking at possibly investing some of my 00:58:56.420 --> 00:59:00.739 inheritance in the market or maybe new guy this 00:59:00.739 --> 00:59:04.059 person asked for new guy or maybe new guy could 00:59:04.059 --> 00:59:08.750 explain that if you don't feel like it Hey, new 00:59:08.750 --> 00:59:12.329 guy. Get your ass in here now. Yeah, let's make 00:59:12.329 --> 00:59:15.650 it. Let's make it. Get in here, new guy, and 00:59:15.650 --> 00:59:18.369 don't fuck around, and don't give me that condescending 00:59:18.369 --> 00:59:22.409 look, you bastard. Here. Right here. He owes 00:59:22.409 --> 00:59:25.670 us. Right here, dickhead. Here. You tell us. 00:59:25.969 --> 00:59:29.829 Hey, I gave him another $25. I don't care what 00:59:29.829 --> 00:59:32.599 he says. Oh, he better. Oh. I didn't know he 00:59:32.599 --> 00:59:34.420 ripped you off again. I gave him another bag 00:59:34.420 --> 00:59:39.500 of pencil shavers. I gave him another $25. $75 00:59:39.500 --> 00:59:42.980 total. Come on. He's taking advantage of us, 00:59:42.980 --> 00:59:47.860 Rob. He is winning. I swear. So, all right. New 00:59:47.860 --> 00:59:51.019 guy, get your ass over here and explain what 00:59:51.019 --> 00:59:55.739 cryptocurrency is. Hello, this is the new guy. 00:59:57.369 --> 01:00:01.010 I guess these two idiots want me to explain cryptocurrency. 01:00:02.469 --> 01:00:05.210 Well, it's a type of digital or virtual currency 01:00:05.210 --> 01:00:08.349 that uses cryptography for security, unlike traditional 01:00:08.349 --> 01:00:10.949 money issued by governments such as dollars or 01:00:10.949 --> 01:00:14.369 euros. Cryptocurrencies are decentralized. They're 01:00:14.369 --> 01:00:17.369 typically built on blockchain technology, a distributed 01:00:17.369 --> 01:00:20.190 ledger managed by a network of computers called 01:00:20.190 --> 01:00:22.889 nodes. Transactions are secured and verified 01:00:22.889 --> 01:00:25.789 using cryptography techniques, making them very 01:00:25.789 --> 01:00:29.570 hard to alter or counterfeit. No single entity 01:00:29.570 --> 01:00:31.769 like a bank or government controls the currency. 01:00:31.949 --> 01:00:34.690 The blockchain network collectively manages it. 01:00:34.829 --> 01:00:37.809 A public, transparent record of all transactions. 01:00:38.010 --> 01:00:40.829 Every block contains a list of recent transactions. 01:00:41.500 --> 01:00:44.980 and blocks are chained together in chronological 01:00:44.980 --> 01:00:48.079 order. Bitcoin, the first and most well -known 01:00:48.079 --> 01:00:52.320 cryptocurrency, introduced in 2009. Ethereum 01:00:52.320 --> 01:00:55.619 enables smart contracts and decentralized applications. 01:00:56.119 --> 01:01:00.440 Other examples include Cardano, Solana, and Ripple 01:01:00.440 --> 01:01:05.119 apps. So, there you guys go. So, these two idiots 01:01:05.119 --> 01:01:10.099 can leave me the fuck alone. Bye. Hey everybody, 01:01:10.360 --> 01:01:13.219 this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some 01:01:13.219 --> 01:01:17.559 tips for life. When you want to save a park bench, 01:01:17.820 --> 01:01:21.059 but you have to come back to it, just carry one 01:01:21.059 --> 01:01:24.639 paint sign, and bam, you'll have the bench all 01:01:24.639 --> 01:01:28.699 of your soap when you get back. Hello, this is 01:01:28.699 --> 01:01:32.739 Phineas J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver your 01:01:32.739 --> 01:01:39.619 music news this evening. Faith No More and Mr. 01:01:39.679 --> 01:01:42.719 Bungle lead singer Mike Patton was falsely identified 01:01:42.719 --> 01:01:46.380 as a sexual predator in Ohio. A person that has 01:01:46.380 --> 01:01:48.900 Mike's same name confused Google AI and then 01:01:48.900 --> 01:01:51.900 identified the singer as a predator. Mike Patton, 01:01:51.940 --> 01:01:54.579 the singer, is working on getting the false information 01:01:54.579 --> 01:01:58.079 scrubbed off the internet. This is only the tip 01:01:58.079 --> 01:02:01.860 of the iceberg. This is Phineas J. Baltar S. 01:02:01.920 --> 01:02:06.199 III. That has been your music news for this evening. 01:02:06.989 --> 01:02:10.489 I have one burning question for you all. Do people 01:02:10.489 --> 01:02:16.170 really skip around the Maypole? Hey, look. I 01:02:16.170 --> 01:02:18.409 think we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're 01:02:18.409 --> 01:02:22.769 safe. Oh, no. It's an island of horrible jokes. 01:02:26.710 --> 01:02:30.349 What do you call a factory that just makes okay 01:02:30.349 --> 01:03:15.500 products? A Satisfactory. Since the dawn of time, 01:03:15.559 --> 01:03:18.079 weird shit has happened. Strange occurrences, 01:03:18.260 --> 01:03:21.420 unexplained phobias, and other odd happenings. 01:03:21.519 --> 01:03:23.519 Over the next minute, we would like to bring 01:03:23.519 --> 01:03:27.579 you odd, rare phobias and conditions. Harlequin 01:03:27.579 --> 01:03:30.139 ichthyosis is a genetic disorder that babies 01:03:30.139 --> 01:03:32.219 are born with a thickened skin nearly over its 01:03:32.219 --> 01:03:35.639 entire body. The skin forms a large diamond trapezoid 01:03:35.639 --> 01:03:38.159 rectangle -shaped plates that are separated by 01:03:38.159 --> 01:03:40.539 deep cracks. These affect the shape of the eyelids, 01:03:40.760 --> 01:03:43.670 nose... Ears, mouth, and limit the movement of 01:03:43.670 --> 01:03:45.809 the arms and legs. There are treatment options, 01:03:46.010 --> 01:03:49.949 finally. The survival rate is much higher. Your 01:03:49.949 --> 01:03:53.730 mama's so fat, she makes Godzilla look like an 01:03:53.730 --> 01:03:57.170 etching figure. As much fun as an electric can 01:03:57.170 --> 01:04:00.150 opener to the scrotum, two douchebags and a microphone. 01:04:03.010 --> 01:04:06.030 People often ask, how do we cram so much money 01:04:06.030 --> 01:04:09.329 into one little show? Well, it's simple. We buy 01:04:09.329 --> 01:04:13.210 funny in bulk on the internet. Hey, Mark, you're 01:04:13.210 --> 01:04:15.429 wanted at the front door. There's a big bag of 01:04:15.429 --> 01:04:18.710 funny they need you to sign for. Okay, thanks 01:04:18.710 --> 01:04:20.630 a lot. I'll be right there. I'm still sorting 01:04:20.630 --> 01:04:23.230 out the funny we got from yesterday. There's 01:04:23.230 --> 01:04:25.710 your answer. We buy funny in bulk on the internet. 01:04:26.409 --> 01:04:29.449 Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for 01:04:29.449 --> 01:04:32.090 brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about. 01:04:32.429 --> 01:04:35.510 There's a small island in the South Pacific where 01:04:35.510 --> 01:04:41.860 people actually talk with eye movements. Hey, 01:04:42.039 --> 01:04:44.320 if you're a fan of paying way too much for trinkets 01:04:44.320 --> 01:04:47.380 and food, well, your wish is coming true. Kansas 01:04:47.380 --> 01:04:49.559 City International Airport Guest Pass program 01:04:49.559 --> 01:04:53.079 is starting today. Yes, you too could overspend 01:04:53.079 --> 01:04:56.039 on workless trinkets and $15 cups of coffee. 01:04:56.340 --> 01:04:58.960 You want to buy a $50 cheap T -shirt that has 01:04:58.960 --> 01:05:02.039 KC Western Auto Building image on it? We got 01:05:02.039 --> 01:05:04.579 you covered. Want a barbecue sauce gift pack? 01:05:04.760 --> 01:05:07.599 No problem. Just a mere $40 on your first point. 01:05:08.239 --> 01:05:10.739 Hurry. You know rubes are jumping all over to 01:05:10.739 --> 01:05:14.199 get to this complete ripoff. Because people are 01:05:14.199 --> 01:05:14.380 sheep.