WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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screen the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. We talk. You watch the news.

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It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We

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suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

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and have multiple mobile chargers. We have posted

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a podcast. Make sure and have plenty of rope.

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Strong, threaded, durable rope with a rating

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of 400 pounds or greater. You need to know basic

00:02:47.270 --> 00:02:50.150
knots, so you can go to the library and download

00:02:50.150 --> 00:02:52.789
the Boy Scouts Handbook and have a reference

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to slip knots and other essential rope tricks.

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Rope can be used in traps to catch food. or would

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-be predators. Rope is a key ingredient in post

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-apocalypse survival. Hello, this is Phineas

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J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver your music

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news this evening. We have some sad news for

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everybody. Bob Weir, the co -founder and guitarist

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for The Grateful Dead, has passed away at the

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age of 78. Bob, we hope you're grateful, because

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you're definitely dead. Rest in peace, Mr. Weir.

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This is Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been

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your music news for this evening. I have one

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burning question for you all. Do people really

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skip around the Maypole? Hi, all. This is Chicago.

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I am the most dangerous city in North America.

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You can't touch me. Oh yeah? This is Kansas City

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here. Hold my beer, bitch. Hey everybody, this

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is Uncle Rob. I'm gonna give you some tips for

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life. Freeze grapes instead of ice cubes. To

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use as ice cubes, that way your bourbon and coke

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will remain mixed to perfection. And your drink

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will never get water. Mama's so fat, she makes

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Godzilla look like an etching figure. And now

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we look in on the adventures of the technical

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explanation guy. Why, excuse me, my dear sir.

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Could you please direct me to the nearest self

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-employed person in a motorized vehicle that

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will transport me where I ask them to in exchange

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for money and a tip? Do you mean an Uber ride?

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Why, yes. Yes, I do mean an Uber ride. Then just

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say an Uber ride, you dumb motherfucker. And

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why are you constantly following me around asking

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me stupid questions? Fucking idiot. Ms. Gulkenstein

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was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of

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her. Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein

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was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.

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She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing

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Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to

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a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.

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here are the adventures of rob the capuchin monkey

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shh be very quiet we're gonna listen in as rob

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the capuchin monkey tries to sell the rest of

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the capuchin monkeys amway rob has always dreamed

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of becoming a diamond status amway as a capuchin

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monkey Little did our hero Rob know. All the

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great apes owned stock in Sam's Club and became

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violently pissed off when he tried to infringe

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on their territory. They promptly grabbed switches

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and beat his ass for three days straight. Rob

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could not sit down. This is Two Douchebags in

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Microphone. We are a very popular podcast. that

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just received over a million downloads, and we're

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very happy about that. Yes, I know there's other

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podcasts that download fucking 10 million a day.

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We're not those guys. We're just a couple of

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guys doing this. Me, Rob Rad, and Topher all

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do this as a part -time deal. You know, it's

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a hobby for us. And for a hobby for us and us

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to be amateurs, per se, and to hit over a million

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is quite remarkable. So we thank everybody for

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listening. Please keep spreading the word. I

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mean, if someone doesn't listen, hit them in

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the face really hard with a rock until they do.

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No, I'm just joking. Don't do that. But anyhow,

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my name is Mark. I am one of the co -hosts of

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this podcast. The other two I just mentioned,

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but you'll hear from one of them after I get

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done here. And I live in the Kansas City area,

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and I am at the Talk is Cheap studio, is what

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I like to call this. And we're getting ready

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to do this here podcast called Two Douchebags

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and a Microphone. So I like to make goat noises

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too. So here we go. And I am Rob in Wheatland,

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Missouri. If you don't know where it's at, Google

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it. Home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway.

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And the burritos that make you tear up the interior

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of your car, but they're so good. Oh, my God.

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Like I said, next time, order the queso sauce.

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I'm going to. Oh, it's awesome. I remember on

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the way home, I had to have the back windows

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down. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, those

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burritos, they taste great, but they hit you

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hard a little bit sometimes. I didn't know. I

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did not see the queso. But the next time I'm

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there... Oh, you gotta order it. You gotta order

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it. Oh, okay. You just ask for it. They have

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it for other meals. Yeah, you see it's a cafe.

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So they have it for other meals. You just gotta

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order it. Oh. I found out because I am now a

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local. Okay, I didn't know. I didn't know. But

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Hickmo's is a kick -ass place. Like we were saying,

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it's like a mini... It's a mini Buc -ee's. Yeah,

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seriously. Really unique place. And it's funny,

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you know, we just kind of found this out organically

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because I was talking about my friends that we

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met down there, you know, at Lucas Oil Speedway

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in Wheatland. Yeah. And they got there a day

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before us. We had some plumbing issues, so we

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couldn't leave the day of. And I'm glad we did

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now. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

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Because that day, they had large supercells all

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over that part of Missouri. They had softball,

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baseball, and golf ball -sized hail, and multiple

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large tornadoes. And they were right in the middle

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of that bullshit. And before this huge hailstorm

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hit, they happened to hear it on the radio. They

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went to Hickmo's and went in their car wash and

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kept their car there until all the hail... went

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by, I think, at that particular place. It wasn't

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softball, but it was golf ball. And it beat the

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shit out of everyone else's vehicle, except theirs,

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because they got there. And that was at Hickmo's.

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Hey, another thing about Hickmo's car wash, they

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have added a new feature. They have an animal

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wash. They have a room where you take your animals

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and wash your animals. What if you have a giraffe?

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Seriously, it's right there at the car wash.

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I want to have a giraffe. I want to have a pet

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giraffe, and I want to take it to that animal

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wash and see what happens. Oh, okay. Oh, well,

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it's a thought. If I was a billionaire, I would

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own a giraffe and walk it around town. But, you

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know, I'm getting to know everybody up there.

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I'm saying, hey, we want to take a giraffe up.

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Oh, and I would put, like, I would put, like,

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those little shorts. They know about the podcast,

00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:08.539
so. Okay. I would put those little Angus Young

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boy shorts on my giraffe. Yeah. A straw hat and

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a tank top. And what would his name be? Reggie?

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Reggie. Reggie. Reggie the giraffe. Oh, yeah.

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Oh, one can only dream, Rob. Right? Hey, I'm

00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:39.240
at B &M building a bigger, taller roof on it.

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That'd be great. It's on our town at like 377.

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You're walking them in your backyard, and let's

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say it's around here somewhere. And I have like

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the palm trees like they do down in the Dallas

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area. They have the electrodes on the roots.

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So if it gets cold, you heat them up. Now the

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leaves die off of them, but then they come back

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next spring. So you essentially can keep palm

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trees alive up here and in the Dallas area and

00:12:09.590 --> 00:12:12.850
all that. So once we walk by all the palm trees

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and everything, we get to my giraffe area. Yes,

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that would be great. So, anyhow, alright, I gotta

00:12:20.350 --> 00:12:23.490
get off there. Alright, so my well -documented

00:12:23.490 --> 00:12:26.769
hatred towards the sleazy concert industry has

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hit a fever pitch. This bullshit I just read

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illustrates this completely. Ticketmaster's Michael

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Rapinoe was quoted as saying that if anything,

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concerts are underpriced. How the fuck does this

00:12:43.269 --> 00:12:48.539
dickhead get this kind of thought? I can tell

00:12:48.539 --> 00:12:50.580
you where, but I want to hear your thought, Rob.

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Where do you think this idiot gets off on this?

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Thinking that concerts are underpriced. The fucking

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Eagles are charging $1 ,500 for a shitty ticket.

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Yeah, it's really fucking irritating. Yeah, it's

00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:10.120
really fucking irritating hearing this from this

00:13:10.120 --> 00:13:17.149
idiot. My opinion, all this. Oh, that, fuck him.

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I wouldn't see him anyhow. I would wipe my ass

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with his do -rag. You're right, Rob. Rob, that

00:13:31.210 --> 00:13:35.149
is a... No, that's a great... Man, dude, that

00:13:35.149 --> 00:13:38.529
is a fantastic opinion, and I agree with it 100%.

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He's supposed to be the little guy. He's supposed

00:13:41.009 --> 00:13:43.009
to be the guy right next door. He's the guy who

00:13:43.009 --> 00:13:48.690
went to Vietnam. His album cover, he was wearing

00:13:48.690 --> 00:13:53.750
blue jeans, white t -shirt. Yeah, and a bandana

00:13:53.750 --> 00:13:56.750
hanging out, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That

00:13:56.750 --> 00:14:00.190
had the American flag on it. Okay. He was a guy

00:14:00.190 --> 00:14:03.669
that went... Yeah, he was a guy that went to

00:14:03.669 --> 00:14:07.269
Vietnam. This is a podcast. You can say whatever

00:14:07.269 --> 00:14:10.029
you want. Fuck, shit, piss, cocksucker, whatever.

00:14:12.779 --> 00:14:14.480
No, I mean, he's supposed to be the guy next

00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:16.500
door. He's supposed to be one of us. He's like,

00:14:16.539 --> 00:14:18.500
yeah, I got thrown in Vietnam. I didn't want

00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:20.700
to, you know. Went down to see the VA man. He

00:14:20.700 --> 00:14:24.720
said, boy, don't you understand? Yeah. Born in

00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:27.620
the USA. And then how does he get off charging

00:14:27.620 --> 00:14:30.919
this much for tickets? Yeah, fuck him. I never

00:14:30.919 --> 00:14:33.960
did like him, and I still don't. Only this just

00:14:33.960 --> 00:14:36.320
amplifies it, you know. It's just like, what

00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:42.659
a douchebag. Yeah. Yeah, I would love to see

00:14:42.659 --> 00:14:44.840
him in person one time. I'd love to ask him.

00:14:44.860 --> 00:14:47.080
I'd go, hey, Mr. Springsteen. All right, you're

00:14:47.080 --> 00:14:48.659
the little guy, right? You're just like me, right?

00:14:48.860 --> 00:14:52.139
Yeah, okay. I'd love to see him in person one

00:14:52.139 --> 00:14:54.759
time, just pop him in the jaw. I want to wipe

00:14:54.759 --> 00:14:56.940
my ass with his do -rag. I want to take his do

00:14:56.940 --> 00:14:59.019
-rag off his fucking head and wipe my ass with

00:14:59.019 --> 00:15:03.059
it. I'd go, here you go, Mr. Springsteen. Here's

00:15:03.059 --> 00:15:07.610
you and your fucking tickets. And besides that,

00:15:07.710 --> 00:15:09.669
Bruce Springsteen is one of these guys that thinks

00:15:09.669 --> 00:15:12.570
you want to hear his opinion on everything. I

00:15:12.570 --> 00:15:15.169
don't know how he got that idea. I mean, I still

00:15:15.169 --> 00:15:17.009
love the thought, and I hear it every week. Oh,

00:15:17.190 --> 00:15:20.110
that's a stupid saying. No, shut up and sing.

00:15:20.590 --> 00:15:22.870
I don't want to hear what you think about anything.

00:15:23.149 --> 00:15:26.169
I don't think that you're a poet. I don't think

00:15:26.169 --> 00:15:28.769
that you're a genius. I think that you're somebody

00:15:28.769 --> 00:15:32.809
that has a talent that is good, and you ought

00:15:32.809 --> 00:15:45.039
to just stick to that. Yeah, you get that big

00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:48.440
a population, everybody blends in. Yeah, no,

00:15:48.460 --> 00:15:53.940
you're right. So, I'll tell you where this dickhead,

00:15:55.299 --> 00:15:59.100
in my opinion, this dickhead, what the fuck his

00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:02.000
name, Michael Rapinoe, I'll tell you where he

00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:05.419
got his idea from, why he thinks it's underpriced,

00:16:05.460 --> 00:16:09.610
the NFL. It's blueprint to grab every penny from

00:16:09.610 --> 00:16:13.350
Joe fan base that they possibly can. That's where

00:16:13.350 --> 00:16:18.029
he got this idea from. Yeah. You know, sadly,

00:16:18.309 --> 00:16:20.370
I'm waiting for these con artists to start having

00:16:20.370 --> 00:16:23.929
PSLs for concert. And that is a private seat

00:16:23.929 --> 00:16:26.490
license. And that is one of the big issues about

00:16:26.490 --> 00:16:29.070
the new Arrowhead Stadium is they're going to

00:16:29.070 --> 00:16:32.929
have PSLs. private seat licenses before you can

00:16:32.929 --> 00:16:35.970
buy your season tickets. So every year you got

00:16:35.970 --> 00:16:38.649
to pay for that private seat license just to

00:16:38.649 --> 00:16:41.629
have the privilege in air quotations of buying

00:16:41.629 --> 00:16:45.750
your overpriced season ticket. So basically what

00:16:45.750 --> 00:16:47.929
they're doing is they're shoving the guy out

00:16:47.929 --> 00:16:50.950
that struggled to get those tickets and saved

00:16:50.950 --> 00:16:53.450
up enough money just to have one thing he enjoys

00:16:53.450 --> 00:16:56.500
in life. and they're taking it all away from

00:16:56.500 --> 00:16:59.080
him and saying, fuck you. You're not welcome

00:16:59.080 --> 00:17:01.299
here anymore. We want somebody with bigger pockets.

00:17:01.480 --> 00:17:03.320
Get out of here. We don't want your three Bud

00:17:03.320 --> 00:17:06.480
Lights. We want this guy buying from the buffet.

00:17:06.660 --> 00:17:09.480
We want this guy buying from all this stuff.

00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:12.579
We want him to buy all our services and pay all

00:17:12.579 --> 00:17:15.420
these extraordinary prices because the guy that

00:17:15.420 --> 00:17:19.079
saved up his money all year just to go have a

00:17:19.079 --> 00:17:22.430
season ticket to something that he loves. They

00:17:22.430 --> 00:17:24.210
don't care. They're like, get out of here. We

00:17:24.210 --> 00:17:26.849
don't want you. And that's the bullshit that's

00:17:26.849 --> 00:17:29.990
going on in concerts, too, like the Eagles charging

00:17:29.990 --> 00:17:32.690
that much and Springsteen charging that much.

00:17:32.809 --> 00:17:37.890
And none of them, not even the Eagles, are any

00:17:37.890 --> 00:17:40.730
of them even originals? No, I don't think any

00:17:40.730 --> 00:17:44.630
of them are originals. Isn't there, let's see,

00:17:44.789 --> 00:17:48.069
who were the originals? Don Henley wasn't an

00:17:48.069 --> 00:17:51.210
original, was he? Yeah, but he's not with us.

00:17:51.670 --> 00:17:53.990
Oh, it doesn't even have Don Henley with him?

00:17:54.109 --> 00:17:56.849
Oh, fuck. Well, I don't know. I don't know. Glenn

00:17:56.849 --> 00:18:00.109
Frey can't be with him. I don't even pay attention

00:18:00.109 --> 00:18:03.450
to this. I can't afford to go see him. No, I'm

00:18:03.450 --> 00:18:07.190
not going to go. I could maybe squeeze out that

00:18:07.190 --> 00:18:09.869
money. No, I'm not going. Fuck that. No, I've

00:18:09.869 --> 00:18:11.450
got better things to spend my money on than that

00:18:11.450 --> 00:18:16.309
bullshit. God damn it. Triumph in April. Why?

00:18:16.650 --> 00:18:19.710
We're going to see him. Yes. And you know what?

00:18:19.809 --> 00:18:22.099
I mean, I'm disappointed that... Triumph can't

00:18:22.099 --> 00:18:24.819
play all of their set because they have health

00:18:24.819 --> 00:18:27.299
elements. But at least they're admitting it and

00:18:27.299 --> 00:18:29.339
they have a backup band to take over somewhere

00:18:29.339 --> 00:18:31.140
in there. And I don't care. It's just going to

00:18:31.140 --> 00:18:34.059
be them up there. You know, at first I was irritated

00:18:34.059 --> 00:18:35.880
by it and said, ah, I don't want to go because

00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:38.500
it's not live. But, you know, not really live.

00:18:38.559 --> 00:18:40.400
But at least they're trying to do something.

00:18:40.500 --> 00:18:42.839
And another thing is they didn't have to go on

00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:44.759
tour. They're all right. They don't need the

00:18:44.759 --> 00:18:47.099
money. They did it because they felt like they

00:18:47.099 --> 00:18:49.460
owed it to the fans that were clamoring for them

00:18:49.460 --> 00:18:51.279
for years, saying, hey, we want to see you guys.

00:18:51.339 --> 00:18:54.980
And I've been reading about this. And didn't

00:18:54.980 --> 00:18:57.920
they add April Wine? Hell yeah, we're there.

00:18:58.099 --> 00:19:00.000
Yeah, when they added April Wine, that proved

00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:08.390
to me that they love us. Well, they know. They

00:19:08.390 --> 00:19:11.690
know their fan base really well. I mean, April

00:19:11.690 --> 00:19:14.809
Wine was one of those... Yeah, it's gotten out

00:19:14.809 --> 00:19:19.589
that they're both were actually underrated bands.

00:19:19.829 --> 00:19:23.730
Even though Triumph made it big, they're still

00:19:23.730 --> 00:19:27.589
considered an underrated band. Yes. And look

00:19:27.589 --> 00:19:36.869
at April Wine. Everybody I know that knows anything

00:19:36.869 --> 00:19:39.990
about April Wine says the same thing. My friend

00:19:39.990 --> 00:19:43.269
Brian Thompson or Brian Mark, that's his stage

00:19:43.269 --> 00:19:45.829
name. Really good musician that I know. Really

00:19:45.829 --> 00:19:48.309
good guy. He plays in Moji Moji and a bunch of

00:19:48.309 --> 00:19:53.940
other bands. And I think he's also solo. He said

00:19:53.940 --> 00:19:55.980
the same thing about them, because I mentioned

00:19:55.980 --> 00:19:58.160
April Rhine, and he's like, oh, my God, I love

00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:00.519
them. They were so underrated. And, you know,

00:20:00.539 --> 00:20:03.680
and then Davey's like, everybody I know that

00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:07.180
knows music really well loves that band and agrees

00:20:07.180 --> 00:20:10.680
that they were criminally underrated. So I don't

00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:13.200
know what happened. I mean, they got radio play.

00:20:13.319 --> 00:20:15.660
I just don't know what happened. I mean, like,

00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:17.740
Sign of the Gypsy Queen was actually a pretty

00:20:17.740 --> 00:20:23.920
good hit. Oh, my God. And around town. Yeah.

00:20:24.819 --> 00:20:29.599
But anyhow, all right. So, all right. So, you

00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:33.960
know, the PSLs are coming, I'm certain, because

00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:37.359
you can see what they feel is a big moneymaker.

00:20:37.480 --> 00:20:39.960
Look no further than right here in Missouri.

00:20:40.619 --> 00:20:44.019
Here in the Kansas City area, we have the brand

00:20:44.019 --> 00:20:46.460
new Morton Amphitheater on the river, followed

00:20:46.460 --> 00:20:50.099
by the now being built. amphitheater, a 5 ,000

00:20:50.099 --> 00:20:54.640
seat concert venue in downtown Kansas City at

00:20:54.640 --> 00:20:57.559
the old Barney Alice Plaza spot. They knocked

00:20:57.559 --> 00:20:59.740
it all down and they're making a park. Oh, really?

00:20:59.920 --> 00:21:01.440
Yeah, but there's going to be an amphitheater

00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:04.660
downtown now and it's going to be where the Barney

00:21:04.660 --> 00:21:10.599
Alice Plaza used to be. So, between Morton Amphitheater

00:21:10.599 --> 00:21:17.240
and The downtown amphitheater at the Barney Alice,

00:21:17.480 --> 00:21:19.960
they're about six miles away, and they're both

00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:23.380
brand new. So they expect a lot of concerts to

00:21:23.380 --> 00:21:24.579
come through, and they're going to be ripping

00:21:24.579 --> 00:21:28.119
off a lot of people, in my opinion. Or you can

00:21:28.119 --> 00:21:30.700
also, since we're speaking about Missouri, how

00:21:30.700 --> 00:21:33.200
about Thunder Ridge Amphitheater south of Branchon?

00:21:33.400 --> 00:21:36.859
The Thunder Ridge is huge. Have you seen it?

00:21:37.920 --> 00:21:48.579
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So there's a lot of concerts

00:21:48.579 --> 00:21:51.480
that are going to be going there. And there's

00:21:51.480 --> 00:21:55.319
also the Black Oak Amphitheater in Lampy, not

00:21:55.319 --> 00:21:59.480
very far away from there either. Yeah, you can

00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:02.220
see the concert industry is amping up. And one

00:22:02.220 --> 00:22:04.980
of the reasons that the concert industry is so

00:22:04.980 --> 00:22:08.319
strong right now is one thing that musicians

00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:12.589
can make a lot of money off of. They're not doing

00:22:12.589 --> 00:22:15.490
it off their music so much anymore. You have

00:22:15.490 --> 00:22:18.809
to be top of the top to really sell a lot of

00:22:18.809 --> 00:22:21.589
downloads to make any money. But all the bands

00:22:21.589 --> 00:22:24.769
that we knew growing up with, probably like Guns

00:22:24.769 --> 00:22:26.950
N' Roses just put out a new song, I'll bet you

00:22:26.950 --> 00:22:30.599
they made virtually nothing off of that. So what

00:22:30.599 --> 00:22:32.400
they're doing is they're just supporting their

00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:35.980
new tour that's coming up here in a couple of

00:22:35.980 --> 00:22:37.720
months. They're touring this summer and fall,

00:22:37.940 --> 00:22:41.420
and they're doing a huge, massive tour of America,

00:22:41.500 --> 00:22:43.259
at least. I'm not sure if it's going to be worldwide,

00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:47.579
but they're doing it to support their concert.

00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:50.940
They're not doing it thinking that the new song,

00:22:51.000 --> 00:22:54.039
which is a hit, and it's called Nothing, without

00:22:54.039 --> 00:22:58.160
the G on the end of it, so it's nothing, is actually

00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:02.839
a hit. But I guarantee it's generating virtually

00:23:02.839 --> 00:23:06.720
nothing monetarily. And that's the way that industry

00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:09.559
has went. So, but still, they don't have to rip

00:23:09.559 --> 00:23:12.319
people off like this. I mean, as far as I saw,

00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:17.000
GNR was not too bad about their tickets. Motley

00:23:17.000 --> 00:23:21.299
Crue can't be too overpriced because, I mean,

00:23:21.380 --> 00:23:23.019
you know, heroin addicts don't have any money,

00:23:23.140 --> 00:23:29.880
right? Right. Yeah, so, anyhow, allegedly. So,

00:23:29.880 --> 00:23:39.640
anyhow. It is a family word. What is? I've been

00:23:39.640 --> 00:23:42.839
hanging out with my cousin and his wife and their

00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:48.099
kids. Kids as friends. Yeah, their word is allegedly.

00:23:50.039 --> 00:23:52.160
Allegedly is going around. I hear a lot of people

00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:54.700
using that now. And I'd like to think it came

00:23:54.700 --> 00:23:56.680
from us because that's what we constantly do

00:23:56.680 --> 00:23:59.960
just as fun or to cover our asses, allegedly,

00:24:00.259 --> 00:24:03.380
allegedly, allegedly. Mainly to cover our asses,

00:24:03.380 --> 00:24:06.279
allegedly. Allegedly, yes. We allegedly cover

00:24:06.279 --> 00:24:13.359
our asses with that. So, true. You know, I'm

00:24:13.359 --> 00:24:16.599
so sick of the concert industry that I will never

00:24:16.599 --> 00:24:19.599
promote any more concerts on this show and the

00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:23.930
dates on this show ever again. Because remember

00:24:23.930 --> 00:24:26.470
how I was doing the Midwest concert update and

00:24:26.470 --> 00:24:30.630
all that? I'm not going to do that unless they

00:24:30.630 --> 00:24:33.890
pay me. Fuck them. They're not going to make

00:24:33.890 --> 00:24:38.230
a dime off of this podcast. Because they don't

00:24:38.230 --> 00:24:40.789
give me any favors. They like to price me out.

00:24:42.190 --> 00:24:44.990
No, no, no. They want to price me out of the

00:24:44.990 --> 00:24:47.130
business, so fuck them. I'm not doing that anymore.

00:24:47.269 --> 00:24:49.700
I did that last year thinking it'd be cool. And

00:24:49.700 --> 00:24:52.880
then after, you know, the straw that tipped it

00:24:52.880 --> 00:24:55.480
was right here. The Glenn Hughes concert being

00:24:55.480 --> 00:24:58.920
fucking canceled again. And then the fucking

00:24:58.920 --> 00:25:01.640
place, the ticket outlets like, oh, well, we're

00:25:01.640 --> 00:25:02.859
not going to give your money back. We're going

00:25:02.859 --> 00:25:04.799
to give you credit. I'm like, well, I don't want

00:25:04.799 --> 00:25:06.880
to deal with you fucks anymore. Well, too bad.

00:25:06.900 --> 00:25:10.400
You're just getting credit. It's bullshit. I

00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:12.960
fucking hate them. So I'm never going to do business

00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:14.460
with them again. And I'm not going to promote

00:25:14.460 --> 00:25:17.930
them again either. I mean, honestly. I love live

00:25:17.930 --> 00:25:19.890
music, but I hope the fucking industry drives

00:25:19.890 --> 00:25:22.190
up so bad that they can't do anything anymore.

00:25:22.349 --> 00:25:25.390
I would love to see Ticketmaster and fucking

00:25:25.390 --> 00:25:27.490
Live Nation go out of business. That would be

00:25:27.490 --> 00:25:30.670
beautiful to me. Allegedly and all that stuff.

00:25:31.069 --> 00:25:36.329
So, a little bit different. I had a friend tell

00:25:36.329 --> 00:25:38.190
me that if you go to a dog shelter and get a

00:25:38.190 --> 00:25:41.069
dog, you're a hero. But if you go to a woman's

00:25:41.069 --> 00:25:42.869
shelter looking for a chick, suddenly you're

00:25:42.869 --> 00:26:10.509
a creep. It is, isn't it? Yes. And all the women

00:26:10.509 --> 00:26:14.259
out there. And I warned everybody. I said, Rob's

00:26:14.259 --> 00:26:16.279
going to be gone. He's going to get snapped up.

00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:19.980
You better fucking bring it. It's happening.

00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:23.180
It's happening. And he got snapped up. So all

00:26:23.180 --> 00:26:27.039
you ladies to the show, too bad. He's gone. So,

00:26:27.099 --> 00:26:33.000
Rob, you got anything to say to him? Sorry. Good

00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:38.039
enough. So yesterday I was in the Talk is Cheap

00:26:38.039 --> 00:26:39.839
studio and I was attempting to practice some

00:26:39.839 --> 00:26:43.500
chords on my Jackson Fly MV. But it had other

00:26:43.500 --> 00:26:48.859
thoughts. I hit the third string down. Yes. I

00:26:48.859 --> 00:26:52.539
hit the third string down and it snapped off

00:26:52.539 --> 00:26:54.839
and impaled itself firmly in my right cheek.

00:26:55.059 --> 00:27:00.519
The one on my face. Oh, it fucking sucked. There

00:27:00.519 --> 00:27:03.319
I am sitting there with this fucking guitar string

00:27:03.319 --> 00:27:09.190
stuck in my cheek. And I'm like really carefully

00:27:09.190 --> 00:27:12.210
trying to set the guitar on my lap gently so

00:27:12.210 --> 00:27:15.210
it doesn't rip anything. So I'm like sitting

00:27:15.210 --> 00:27:17.289
there. I got the guitar just balanced just right.

00:27:17.509 --> 00:27:20.670
And I take my hand off of it, throw the pick

00:27:20.670 --> 00:27:23.369
on the ground, and got it out of there. I was

00:27:23.369 --> 00:27:27.349
like, fuck. I could see that going incredibly

00:27:27.349 --> 00:27:31.109
wrong, but it didn't. But I have a question for

00:27:31.109 --> 00:27:35.059
you, Rob. You know Transformers, right? Okay.

00:27:35.099 --> 00:27:40.059
Human to car, car to human, right? Okay. Do Transformers

00:27:40.059 --> 00:27:49.140
have auto or life insurance? Any guesses? I'm

00:27:49.140 --> 00:27:52.920
asking... I would say auto. I'd say auto, too.

00:27:52.980 --> 00:27:56.920
Because they are not living beings. They are

00:27:56.920 --> 00:28:00.980
machinery. Well, and also... My thought is this,

00:28:01.039 --> 00:28:02.940
too. They're not required to have life insurance,

00:28:03.180 --> 00:28:05.400
but if you're going to drive, you're required

00:28:05.400 --> 00:28:07.920
to have auto insurance. Right, right, right.

00:28:08.200 --> 00:28:09.960
So, yeah, so they'd have to have it. Yeah, they

00:28:09.960 --> 00:28:13.619
need to get auto insurance. Yeah. Life insurance,

00:28:13.960 --> 00:28:19.180
no, because they're not living deep. Okay. So,

00:28:19.180 --> 00:28:24.039
yeah. Okay. Sounds good to me. I think that's

00:28:24.039 --> 00:28:30.839
a good answer. All right, Rob, I have spoken

00:28:30.839 --> 00:28:33.599
enough. You have some stuff you want to get to.

00:28:34.579 --> 00:28:39.359
Yeah. Please, be my guest. This was a pretty

00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:43.259
cool one. Okay. And it's another one that once

00:28:43.259 --> 00:29:01.519
I loved the board game. Okay. And suddenly find

00:29:01.519 --> 00:29:04.960
yourself in a live action reboot of Little House

00:29:04.960 --> 00:29:10.380
on the Prairie. Because in Texas, apparently,

00:29:10.660 --> 00:29:15.660
expect more, pay less. That includes lifestyle.

00:29:18.180 --> 00:30:14.440
Okay. Okay. Okay. True. casually documenting

00:30:14.440 --> 00:30:20.500
a Tuesday error. No explanation. No irony. This

00:30:20.500 --> 00:30:25.059
is happening. Well, didn't he get kicked out

00:30:25.059 --> 00:30:28.779
or anything? Or did they let him stay? Let me

00:30:28.779 --> 00:31:35.630
go on. Okay. Yes. Okay. It drops a series of

00:31:35.630 --> 00:31:39.549
aisle grenades right on the floor. Aisle grenades.

00:32:15.529 --> 00:33:44.400
That's fucking funny. That'd be awesome. I love

00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:46.640
that one. I love that one. I would dare people

00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:50.160
to pet the gator, too. I go, hey, his name's

00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:53.059
Sammy. Come on over here. Here, here, here. He's

00:33:53.059 --> 00:33:55.099
really gentle. Put your hand in there. Snap.

00:33:56.460 --> 00:33:58.920
Oh, man, I'm sorry. I didn't think he was going

00:33:58.920 --> 00:34:02.359
to bite your finger off. I apologize. Sammy,

00:34:02.380 --> 00:34:05.299
now give it back. I'm getting a gator. I'm going

00:34:05.299 --> 00:34:12.820
starboard. There we go. We got some emails to

00:34:12.820 --> 00:34:18.639
get to. Sound good? All right. Do you want to

00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:23.579
take a break? Yep. All righty. We shall return

00:34:23.579 --> 00:34:29.739
here after this stuff. Hey, peeps. It's time

00:34:29.739 --> 00:34:32.860
for the police blotter. That's right. Stories

00:34:32.860 --> 00:34:37.119
about stupid criminals and the dumb assness that

00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:43.150
ensued. Let us begin now. In September 2025,

00:34:43.590 --> 00:34:47.590
a Canadian man was arrested for DUI while attempting

00:34:47.590 --> 00:34:51.190
to drive a Barbie Jeep. Not only did the scaled

00:34:51.190 --> 00:34:54.670
-down Jeep stand out, not it would only go five

00:34:54.670 --> 00:34:58.329
miles an hour. The police chase ended quickly.

00:34:58.510 --> 00:35:01.829
The subject, George Fizzulli, did not get his

00:35:01.829 --> 00:35:05.929
six -pack. But did get a free Uber ride with

00:35:05.929 --> 00:35:10.250
lights a -flashing straight to jail. Hey, look!

00:35:10.519 --> 00:35:12.980
I think we found land. Oh my God, I think we're

00:35:12.980 --> 00:35:17.420
safe. Oh no! It's an island of horrible jokes.

00:35:21.340 --> 00:35:26.239
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks with

00:35:26.239 --> 00:35:30.280
them when they golf? In case they get a hole

00:35:30.280 --> 00:35:35.440
in one. Hey, you yankers. We often think many

00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:37.619
things are just true because we've heard it our

00:35:37.619 --> 00:35:40.360
whole lives. That's why here at Two Douchebags

00:35:40.360 --> 00:35:42.679
and Microphone, we developed the segment, Not

00:35:42.679 --> 00:35:46.539
True. We investigate and uncover the real truth

00:35:46.539 --> 00:35:50.659
of what happened. We've heard for years that

00:35:50.659 --> 00:35:53.239
Einstein was so intelligent he could not figure

00:35:53.239 --> 00:35:57.519
out how to tie his shoe. The fact is, he disliked

00:35:57.519 --> 00:36:00.820
wearing socks. He would put socks over his shoes

00:36:00.820 --> 00:36:03.760
to avoid tying them. He believed tying shoelaces

00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:07.840
was an incredible waste of time. So were Crocs

00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:10.679
when Einstein needed them. Hey there, fuckstick.

00:36:11.219 --> 00:36:13.460
You're just in time for brand new feature news

00:36:13.460 --> 00:36:17.179
nobody gives a shit about. In Tulipo, Mississippi,

00:36:17.500 --> 00:36:21.000
a structural steel company built a small bridge

00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:23.699
to go over a pothole that had been on the road

00:36:23.699 --> 00:36:28.460
for three years. Have you ever wondered what

00:36:28.460 --> 00:36:30.619
something came about? Have you ever looked at

00:36:30.619 --> 00:36:32.800
something and said, hmm, I wonder what the origin

00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:36.530
of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give

00:36:36.530 --> 00:36:42.269
you The Origin of. The Origin of Lysol. Lysol

00:36:42.269 --> 00:36:44.309
first came to prominence after it was used in

00:36:44.309 --> 00:36:46.869
Hamburg, Germany to help combat cholera epidemic

00:36:46.869 --> 00:36:49.730
in the late 19th century. It was later touted

00:36:49.730 --> 00:36:51.769
as a way to fight the devastating flu epidemic

00:36:51.769 --> 00:36:54.969
of 1918. An ad in the Los Angeles Times that

00:36:54.969 --> 00:36:57.269
year said, help your health board conquer Spanish

00:36:57.269 --> 00:37:01.610
influenza by disinfecting your home. Two douchebags

00:37:01.610 --> 00:37:03.670
and microphone in an effort to keep everything

00:37:03.670 --> 00:37:10.510
fresh. We offer you first world problems. The

00:37:10.510 --> 00:37:14.030
ATM wants me to make a new PIN number for security

00:37:14.030 --> 00:37:16.929
purposes. I don't have an extra two minutes.

00:37:17.050 --> 00:37:20.530
I need my Starbucks. I'm having the worst day

00:37:20.530 --> 00:37:23.769
ever. Since the dawn of time, weird shit has

00:37:23.769 --> 00:37:27.050
happened. Strange occurrences, unexplained phobias,

00:37:27.050 --> 00:37:30.030
and other odd happenings. Over the next minute,

00:37:30.090 --> 00:37:32.670
we would like to bring you odd, rare phobias

00:37:32.670 --> 00:37:36.460
and conditions. Harlequin ichthyosis is a genetic

00:37:36.460 --> 00:37:38.480
disorder that babies are born with a thickened

00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:41.460
skin nearly over its entire body. The skin forms

00:37:41.460 --> 00:37:44.219
a large diamond trapezoid rectangle shaped plates

00:37:44.219 --> 00:37:46.920
that are separated by deep cracks. These affect

00:37:46.920 --> 00:37:50.079
the shape of the eyelids, nose, ears, mouth and

00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:52.340
limit the movement of the arms and legs. There

00:37:52.340 --> 00:37:55.059
are treatment options finally. The survival rate

00:37:55.059 --> 00:38:00.920
is much higher. Rob Rad, a man, is sort of mad.

00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:05.239
Rob consumed small doses of radiation for 30

00:38:05.239 --> 00:38:09.820
years. Rob is immune to radiation. Watch him

00:38:09.820 --> 00:38:14.179
glow. Watch Rob Rad jump up 25 feet and grab

00:38:14.179 --> 00:38:17.780
birds out of thin air with his mouth. With his

00:38:17.780 --> 00:38:22.239
mouth. Rob can now be rented for children's parties

00:38:22.239 --> 00:38:26.280
and bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come on and rent

00:38:26.280 --> 00:38:29.679
you a Rob today. That's right. Come by and rent

00:38:29.679 --> 00:38:35.199
Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch Rob consume

00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:37.980
seven bottles of night cream and still break

00:38:37.980 --> 00:38:42.619
dance and moonwalk. Watch Rob Red. Fart down

00:38:42.619 --> 00:38:47.360
a building. Fart down a building. Rob Red assumes

00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:50.099
no responsibility whatsoever. He is not a babysitter

00:38:50.099 --> 00:38:51.539
and he doesn't give one hell of a shit about

00:38:51.539 --> 00:38:53.480
your children. Please remember to corral every

00:38:53.480 --> 00:38:55.820
little bastard you have. Before Rob gets there,

00:38:55.940 --> 00:38:58.380
and Walt will not put up with any backtalk, he

00:38:58.380 --> 00:39:00.559
will promptly get them in the place. Rob Braddock

00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:02.699
assumes no responsibility for anything that could

00:39:02.699 --> 00:39:04.840
be stolen from his visit. Rob Braddock has no

00:39:04.840 --> 00:39:07.059
responsibility whatsoever in any help him of

00:39:07.059 --> 00:39:18.400
any situation. We're going to rob today. Two

00:39:18.400 --> 00:39:21.769
douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark. Here in

00:39:21.769 --> 00:39:25.190
the Kansas City Metroplex at the Talk is Cheap

00:39:25.190 --> 00:39:33.449
studio. That was a horrible, horrible goat noise.

00:39:33.670 --> 00:39:36.429
Let me try that again. I think your goat has

00:39:36.429 --> 00:40:06.639
COVID. I think so, too. Is that better? Cool.

00:40:06.639 --> 00:40:11.619
Oh, yeah, the green Sinclair dinosaur. I always

00:40:11.619 --> 00:40:14.239
had to go to Lamardi's in Lamar to do that. Now

00:40:14.239 --> 00:40:16.199
I could go to Wheatland and do that. That would

00:40:16.199 --> 00:40:23.800
be all right. Actually, I think... We do it so

00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:27.719
many times, you lose track of the original vigor

00:40:27.719 --> 00:40:31.460
that you do it with, you know? First, I'm like,

00:40:31.460 --> 00:40:42.119
oh, yeah. Yeah. Rob, I'm sorry. I started that.

00:40:42.219 --> 00:40:44.280
I just wanted to go to the end of doing more

00:40:44.280 --> 00:40:53.750
and more, and now you're going crazy. True, true.

00:40:54.190 --> 00:40:56.210
All right, I got some emails here. You want to

00:40:56.210 --> 00:41:01.190
hear them? Yes, I do. All righty. Mark, a few

00:41:01.190 --> 00:41:03.289
shows back you gave out a phone number to call

00:41:03.289 --> 00:41:05.829
in. Do you have the same number for the regular

00:41:05.829 --> 00:41:08.929
douchebag show? Also, give that number out too,

00:41:09.010 --> 00:41:12.070
please, and thank you. You're the best. Matt,

00:41:12.289 --> 00:41:14.510
another please and thank you. You're the best.

00:41:17.090 --> 00:41:20.139
I'll look it up. I'm sorry. I've got the number

00:41:20.139 --> 00:41:22.719
written down somewhere. It's an internet number,

00:41:22.840 --> 00:41:26.039
so it's not my main number. I'll do it, and then

00:41:26.039 --> 00:41:29.000
the next time we do a podcast, I'll post it right

00:41:29.000 --> 00:41:31.960
when we get ready to do the podcast. That way,

00:41:32.000 --> 00:41:34.780
if you want to call in, Matt, it doesn't say

00:41:34.780 --> 00:41:37.380
where you're from, but you can call in, Matt.

00:41:37.500 --> 00:41:40.400
I think that's why you asked that. Yeah. What

00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:43.280
you'll have to do is you'll have to email first,

00:41:43.380 --> 00:41:48.960
so that way Mark can let you know. Yes. Because

00:41:48.960 --> 00:41:52.739
we do record. Yeah, we do them Wednesdays and

00:41:52.739 --> 00:41:55.340
Sunday nights normally, but this is... Normally.

00:41:55.539 --> 00:41:59.159
Yeah. I had a function going on last night that

00:41:59.159 --> 00:42:02.000
I had to go to, and that's just the way it is.

00:42:03.420 --> 00:42:07.659
Life happens. Yeah, life happens. All right,

00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:11.750
Mark. You obviously lived in Rural Cass County

00:42:11.750 --> 00:42:15.250
for a number of years. Do you prefer the city

00:42:15.250 --> 00:42:19.570
or country to live in? Ross in Texas. Okay, let

00:42:19.570 --> 00:42:22.469
me explain this. I love living out in the middle

00:42:22.469 --> 00:42:28.809
of nowhere. I love nature. But hospitals and

00:42:28.809 --> 00:42:31.050
stuff like that, I need to stay near a city.

00:42:31.309 --> 00:42:33.590
I've got some health issues. So does my mom.

00:42:33.670 --> 00:42:37.469
So does Val. We all do. So we can't go too far.

00:42:37.980 --> 00:42:40.340
I mean, that's just the way it is. There are

00:42:40.340 --> 00:42:44.059
better hospitals and doctors in the city because

00:42:44.059 --> 00:42:48.280
there's more people to deal with. So, but yeah,

00:42:48.380 --> 00:42:50.780
I would preferably like to live somewhere. I

00:42:50.780 --> 00:42:53.380
mean, at the very closest Southern Cass County.

00:42:53.880 --> 00:42:57.719
But the thing is, is I cannot. I got to be realistic.

00:42:58.420 --> 00:43:04.320
So, and Ross, Rossington, it's weird. Okay, whenever

00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:07.760
he says Dallas, He says Rossington in Dallas.

00:43:08.460 --> 00:43:12.199
Whenever he says Ross, he says Ross in Texas.

00:43:12.780 --> 00:43:15.719
And so when you hear this Ross or Rossington,

00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:19.579
let me know why you do that. I mean, you see

00:43:19.579 --> 00:43:23.579
what I'm saying? Isn't that odd? It's the same

00:43:23.579 --> 00:43:27.900
email. Yeah, it is, but it's his thing. No, no,

00:43:27.900 --> 00:43:30.940
no, I love him. He's great. He's rapidly becoming

00:43:30.940 --> 00:43:33.809
one of our better. Yeah, he's awesome. He's rapidly

00:43:33.809 --> 00:43:36.949
becoming one of our better emailers. So, yeah,

00:43:36.969 --> 00:43:41.409
thank you, Ross, Rossington. All right. Rob,

00:43:41.610 --> 00:43:43.730
do you have Princess Spanky while you wear a

00:43:43.730 --> 00:43:46.710
diaper? If not, you should. It's a lot of fun.

00:43:46.909 --> 00:43:53.469
Willie in Montrose. Willie is back. Willie, I've

00:43:53.469 --> 00:44:00.960
been going past Montrose a lot lately. I may

00:44:00.960 --> 00:44:05.619
have to stop and see you. Well, I mean, do you

00:44:05.619 --> 00:44:08.380
have Princess spanking and spanking you while

00:44:08.380 --> 00:44:11.099
you wear a diaper? And if you don't, you should,

00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:14.199
he says. What do you say to that? Do you have

00:44:14.199 --> 00:44:20.380
that done like he asked? No. No? I'm not going

00:44:20.380 --> 00:44:24.639
to say. I bleed to fifth. There you go, Willie.

00:44:25.579 --> 00:44:28.539
Because if I say, Princess, you kick my ass.

00:44:28.969 --> 00:44:31.409
Willie, send some information back. Rob goes

00:44:31.409 --> 00:44:34.389
by there all the time. Yeah, I do. Like I said,

00:44:34.510 --> 00:44:38.650
we make several trips up to Excelsior Springs.

00:44:40.130 --> 00:44:47.170
Yeah, we go up to Excelsior Springs. So we go

00:44:47.170 --> 00:45:00.960
up 13 into Clinton. Okay. To Accelsor and come

00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:03.900
in the back way instead of driving up to the

00:45:03.900 --> 00:45:06.460
city. And that's quite a bit quicker, too, so.

00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:10.320
Well, yeah, I mean, we've got to go up through

00:45:10.320 --> 00:45:13.860
Clinton either way, so, yeah, we pass 52 Highway

00:45:13.860 --> 00:45:18.500
all the time. Hell, I posted pictures on Facebook

00:45:18.500 --> 00:45:25.099
of the Montrose sign. I know. Willie, send some

00:45:25.099 --> 00:45:27.239
information, man. You and Rob can hook up. Yeah,

00:45:27.239 --> 00:45:33.079
dude. And this is the same Willie. I look back,

00:45:33.280 --> 00:45:38.559
same email. So, yeah, Willie, get a hold of us.

00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:43.460
Let us know. All right. Hey, dudes, I think when

00:45:43.460 --> 00:45:45.579
you all go full video, Mark should wear a chicken

00:45:45.579 --> 00:45:48.119
costume and Rob should wear a pilgrim's hat and

00:45:48.119 --> 00:45:51.820
garb. Trust me, I know these things. Tingly in

00:45:51.820 --> 00:45:56.309
Billings. I guess Billings, Montana. This person's

00:45:56.309 --> 00:45:58.690
name is Tingley. I don't know if it's male, female.

00:46:00.289 --> 00:46:02.809
I'm guessing female, and I'm guessing that's

00:46:02.809 --> 00:46:08.510
what she wants to see. Okay. I think that's a

00:46:08.510 --> 00:46:13.989
great idea. What do you think, Rob? No. No? First

00:46:13.989 --> 00:46:16.949
time I'm going to be in loincloth. Oh, that's

00:46:16.949 --> 00:46:20.349
right. Okay. All right. First time Rob has to

00:46:20.349 --> 00:46:23.449
wear his loincloth. Is it the original one that

00:46:23.449 --> 00:46:26.329
you wore at McCock's? the strip bar on the east

00:46:26.329 --> 00:46:32.090
side of Kansas City for years? Oh, no, no, no,

00:46:32.250 --> 00:46:36.090
no. I got arrested one night and it got confiscated.

00:46:36.389 --> 00:46:39.750
Oh, shit, yeah. Yeah, I remember, you know, you're

00:46:39.750 --> 00:46:42.090
the only new dancer, you know, and you're making

00:46:42.090 --> 00:46:44.050
all the money, so they made you wear a loincloth,

00:46:44.150 --> 00:46:47.530
but then everybody loved the loincloth. You used

00:46:47.530 --> 00:46:50.480
to do the Marilyn Monroe thing, didn't you? Yeah,

00:46:50.599 --> 00:46:52.800
he used to do the Marilyn Monroe thing on his

00:46:52.800 --> 00:46:55.639
act. He'd walk out there and a fan would be in

00:46:55.639 --> 00:46:58.219
the front of the stage and it'd blow up his loincloth

00:46:58.219 --> 00:47:00.719
and he'd sit there and act embarrassed. It was

00:47:00.719 --> 00:47:03.719
funny. Made a lot of money like that. It was

00:47:03.719 --> 00:47:07.079
great. I made a lot of money doing that. Yep,

00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:15.780
at McCock's. Now it's an ice cream shop. Okay,

00:47:15.780 --> 00:47:20.539
cool. You can get some Rocky Road. and think

00:47:20.539 --> 00:47:23.380
about what that place used to be so all right

00:47:23.380 --> 00:47:30.219
um so uh tingly thank you we're working on that

00:47:30.219 --> 00:47:34.360
all right rob and mark i would love a chocolate

00:47:34.360 --> 00:47:36.980
chunk cookie recipe please and thank you you're

00:47:36.980 --> 00:47:40.980
the best another fucking one sammy in new brunswick

00:47:40.980 --> 00:47:45.400
um well he said please and thank you and you're

00:47:45.400 --> 00:47:50.619
the best so we have to answer him right Or here

00:47:50.619 --> 00:47:54.219
you go with your recipe. Okay, damn it. I forgot

00:47:54.219 --> 00:47:57.059
about this one. I'm not a baker. I had one planned

00:47:57.059 --> 00:47:59.119
out what to say, and I fucking forgot what it

00:47:59.119 --> 00:48:07.179
was now. So, all right, you take chips ahoy,

00:48:07.260 --> 00:48:12.380
okay? You take chips ahoy, chocolate chunk cookies,

00:48:12.539 --> 00:48:18.260
right? And you put them on a baking sheet. Okay,

00:48:18.260 --> 00:48:22.260
and then you bake them at 700 degrees for four

00:48:22.260 --> 00:48:26.900
hours. And then when you pull them out, you put

00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:32.619
chocolate syrup in a spray bottle, and you dust

00:48:32.619 --> 00:48:37.099
these things with the chocolate syrup. And you

00:48:37.099 --> 00:48:39.219
can add coconut or whatever you want if you want

00:48:39.219 --> 00:48:42.239
to do that. And that's it right there. Isn't

00:48:42.239 --> 00:48:45.960
that how you were taught, Rob? Yeah, that's what

00:48:45.960 --> 00:48:49.079
my mom taught. Yeah, the secret is it's 700 degrees.

00:48:49.360 --> 00:48:52.039
I didn't know if you knew the secret either.

00:48:52.679 --> 00:48:54.960
Oh, you're the one that told me. That's why I

00:48:54.960 --> 00:48:57.059
let you go with it. Okay, thank you. And you

00:48:57.059 --> 00:48:59.519
got that from your mom, that recipe? Yeah, I

00:48:59.519 --> 00:49:02.820
got that from my mom and my grandma. Yeah, it's

00:49:02.820 --> 00:49:05.659
a family recipe, yeah. I think it's pretty much

00:49:05.659 --> 00:49:08.400
everybody's family recipe. It sounds delicious.

00:49:08.440 --> 00:49:10.980
I mean, especially at baking it at 700 for five

00:49:10.980 --> 00:49:15.199
hours. Oh, dude, I've had it. Oh, aren't they

00:49:15.199 --> 00:49:17.159
good? Yeah, I've done it. Now, do you spray the

00:49:17.159 --> 00:49:19.059
chocolate on them afterwards when it's still

00:49:19.059 --> 00:49:23.119
hot, or do you wait until it cools off? Oh, no.

00:49:23.920 --> 00:49:26.739
You've got to have it hot, then pour the chocolate

00:49:26.739 --> 00:49:30.099
on so it sticks. Oh, okay, okay. There you go.

00:49:30.280 --> 00:49:33.800
And then let it cool, then eat it. Oh, my God,

00:49:33.840 --> 00:49:37.400
that's awesome. All right, man, I'm getting hungry

00:49:37.400 --> 00:49:39.860
just thinking about that. Boy, that sounds good,

00:49:39.960 --> 00:49:47.380
doesn't it? All right, next one. Okay, where

00:49:47.380 --> 00:49:50.659
was I? Okay, Mark, you were all excited about

00:49:50.659 --> 00:49:53.460
Coke coming out with a pure cane sugar. Well,

00:49:53.460 --> 00:49:56.460
I found it at the local Kroger store. It's a

00:49:56.460 --> 00:49:59.800
high price than just buying the Mexican Coke.

00:49:59.960 --> 00:50:02.559
He said higher. I think he meant high. He said

00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:04.400
high. I think he meant higher. It's a higher

00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:07.340
price than just buying the Mexican Coke. The

00:50:07.340 --> 00:50:09.739
cane sugar bottles are only eight ounces and

00:50:09.739 --> 00:50:12.739
are close to 10 bucks a six pack. That's fucking

00:50:12.739 --> 00:50:17.340
ridiculous. Josh in Ohio. The Mexican Coca -Cola

00:50:17.340 --> 00:50:21.780
is cheaper. Yeah, the Mexican Coca -Cola is cheaper.

00:50:21.900 --> 00:50:23.639
I've already known this. Several people have

00:50:23.639 --> 00:50:27.440
told me they saw them at Walmart, the new Pure

00:50:27.440 --> 00:50:30.679
Cane Sugar Coke. And the only one that anyone's

00:50:30.679 --> 00:50:33.619
been able to find is 8 -ounce glass bottles,

00:50:33.820 --> 00:50:37.900
and they're ridiculously expensive. It's cheaper.

00:50:38.119 --> 00:50:40.559
It's literally a lot cheaper to go buy the Mexican

00:50:40.559 --> 00:50:43.519
Coca -Cola. I don't even know why they're bothering.

00:50:44.829 --> 00:50:49.230
So, anyhow. Yeah, I agree. And what was the name?

00:50:49.849 --> 00:50:52.250
Josh in Ohio. Thank you. That was a great point.

00:50:52.389 --> 00:50:55.369
And I agree with you. And now, this gets us to

00:50:55.369 --> 00:51:02.190
the featured email, Rob. This one is good. We'll

00:51:02.190 --> 00:51:05.289
all say his name afterwards. Hey, guys. I had

00:51:05.289 --> 00:51:08.170
a severe bout with the trots in my garage while

00:51:08.170 --> 00:51:12.010
working on my 67 cloth top convertible Mustang.

00:51:13.070 --> 00:51:17.849
he has great taste yeah he does 67 cloth top

00:51:17.849 --> 00:51:22.269
convertible mustang nice i was waiting to see

00:51:22.269 --> 00:51:26.289
where this goes it's it's nowhere where i thought

00:51:26.289 --> 00:51:29.789
it's gonna but okay i only have one choice and

00:51:29.789 --> 00:51:35.710
that was to evacuate my um let's see okay i i

00:51:35.710 --> 00:51:40.800
um i ate some outdated mushroom soup and i it

00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:43.619
didn't print off very well i apologize um and

00:51:43.619 --> 00:51:49.320
so i i um i got the trots and so i only have

00:51:49.320 --> 00:51:51.820
one choice and that was to evacuate my stool

00:51:51.820 --> 00:51:56.800
out the window i found a box of terry cloth to

00:51:56.800 --> 00:52:00.119
wipe with i used all of them and i stuck them

00:52:00.119 --> 00:52:04.309
back in the box the problem is the cloth They're

00:52:04.309 --> 00:52:08.849
not mine. It's so hard to read. I'm sorry. It's

00:52:08.849 --> 00:52:11.610
really faded. I ran out the other side of my

00:52:11.610 --> 00:52:16.250
garage to a neighbor. I forgot to swipe out the

00:52:16.250 --> 00:52:19.650
used box with a new one. My neighbor tried to

00:52:19.650 --> 00:52:23.090
use the soil cloths and became infuriated. He

00:52:23.090 --> 00:52:26.349
went back home and grounded his teen son for

00:52:26.349 --> 00:52:29.070
a month thinking he did that as a childish prank.

00:52:30.079 --> 00:52:32.480
The issue is I'm afraid to tell my neighbor slash

00:52:32.480 --> 00:52:37.340
renter that it was me who wiped, but I feel horrible

00:52:37.340 --> 00:52:39.860
about his son taking the rap. Any suggestions?

00:52:40.300 --> 00:52:47.679
Tony in Cape Coral, which would be Florida. Yeah,

00:52:48.139 --> 00:52:54.920
so he ate outdated mushroom soup. he got the

00:52:54.920 --> 00:52:57.420
shits i'm explaining the rough draft because

00:52:57.420 --> 00:53:00.760
it was it's not printed out very well so um okay

00:53:00.760 --> 00:53:05.199
so here's what happened he he ate some bad mushroom

00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:10.159
soup he got the shits okay the trots um he was

00:53:10.159 --> 00:53:12.820
in there working in this his garage he's working

00:53:12.820 --> 00:53:16.679
in his garage And he had no choice because, you

00:53:16.679 --> 00:53:18.340
know, whenever stuff like this happens, you got

00:53:18.340 --> 00:53:19.780
to go right then or you're going to shit your

00:53:19.780 --> 00:53:22.639
pants, right? Your britches are going to be soiled

00:53:22.639 --> 00:53:25.960
if you don't. So he hung his ass out the window,

00:53:26.179 --> 00:53:30.320
fucking blasted all over the place, and then

00:53:30.320 --> 00:53:33.039
he realized he had nothing to wipe with. He saw

00:53:33.039 --> 00:53:35.860
this box of terry claws that you use on cars

00:53:35.860 --> 00:53:37.659
and stuff, and you have them in garages, right?

00:53:37.840 --> 00:53:40.980
But it wasn't his. The claws were his neighbor

00:53:40.980 --> 00:53:44.139
that he rents to. They were his claws. He wiped

00:53:44.139 --> 00:53:46.119
his ass with them, stuck them back in the box,

00:53:46.139 --> 00:53:48.119
and he was going to switch out the boxes, but

00:53:48.119 --> 00:53:50.420
he forgot to. And his neighbor came in there

00:53:50.420 --> 00:53:55.380
and started to use them. I wonder if he got his

00:53:55.380 --> 00:53:58.219
hand all shitty. So he reaches in there, and

00:53:58.219 --> 00:54:02.019
he thought his son did it, and he was infuriated.

00:54:02.019 --> 00:54:04.360
So he went home and he grounded his son for a

00:54:04.360 --> 00:54:08.599
month. And now this guy, Tony in Cape Coral,

00:54:08.599 --> 00:54:12.679
is afraid to tell his renter it was him. So what's

00:54:12.679 --> 00:54:17.679
your, all right, Rob, what is your thought? What

00:54:17.679 --> 00:54:27.019
needs to be done? Me too. Amen. I'm glad you

00:54:27.019 --> 00:54:29.940
said that. Fucking let it go. You don't know

00:54:29.940 --> 00:54:33.019
how many of my dad's friends let me take breaths

00:54:33.019 --> 00:54:40.840
for shit. Me too. All the fucking time. Let it

00:54:40.840 --> 00:54:47.659
go. Tony. Let it go. The thing is, I think the

00:54:47.659 --> 00:54:50.860
guy is real. I think this really happened. He

00:54:50.860 --> 00:55:01.159
didn't put it down as a joke or nothing. Yes.

00:55:02.019 --> 00:55:06.960
It will give him a great life. It will give him

00:55:06.960 --> 00:55:09.739
a great life lessons. You did him a favor, right?

00:55:10.719 --> 00:55:16.940
Yes. Yeah, that's right. He'll know what not

00:55:16.940 --> 00:55:20.380
to do in life. Don't shit and wipe your ass with

00:55:20.380 --> 00:55:26.920
someone else's terry claws. Okay, Rob, that's

00:55:26.920 --> 00:55:29.579
the featured email. I'm done. Let's turn it over

00:55:29.579 --> 00:55:34.539
to you. I don't know where to go. Oh, I love

00:55:34.539 --> 00:55:36.960
that one. That was a good one. Yeah, it was.

00:55:37.019 --> 00:55:39.980
Tony, you're awesome. Right back. Yeah, Tony.

00:55:40.739 --> 00:55:43.639
I want to hear from you. Yeah, and also let us

00:55:43.639 --> 00:55:45.760
know what you did. Hopefully you let the little

00:55:45.760 --> 00:55:48.480
bastard take the rap. Yeah, let the little shit

00:55:48.480 --> 00:55:50.860
take the rap. I'm telling you. It'll be all right.

00:55:51.059 --> 00:55:55.190
You know what? He's got a month to do his schoolwork.

00:55:55.570 --> 00:55:58.929
You're helping him out. If you didn't have him

00:55:58.929 --> 00:56:00.849
grounded, he wouldn't be doing his schoolwork.

00:56:01.050 --> 00:56:03.349
But now that he's sitting at home doing nothing,

00:56:03.409 --> 00:56:04.969
he's going to be doing his schoolwork. So you

00:56:04.969 --> 00:56:12.230
did great. Yeah, good job, Tony. And Cape Coral,

00:56:12.230 --> 00:56:18.610
was it? I threw that on the ground over there,

00:56:18.650 --> 00:56:20.909
so I didn't know. I forgot. I thought it was

00:56:20.909 --> 00:56:24.190
Cape Coral. All right. Rob, let's turn it to

00:56:24.190 --> 00:56:30.309
you. Okay. Well, tonight, Rob has a new bag of

00:56:30.309 --> 00:56:35.210
garbage. Yes. The single greatest segment ever

00:56:35.210 --> 00:56:38.769
in the history of mankind and surrounding areas.

00:57:08.360 --> 00:57:10.079
Okay, that's all right, Rob. However long it

00:57:10.079 --> 00:57:14.179
is, we don't care. We got time, so. Yeah. Well,

00:57:14.539 --> 00:57:17.460
I only got enough press for one for this one,

00:57:17.559 --> 01:01:12.079
so. Okay. Wow. Now Bruce is still wearing the

01:01:12.079 --> 01:01:16.260
same kind of smile. Let me show you something.

01:01:16.940 --> 01:01:20.360
He stood in front of a heavy bag weighing about

01:01:20.360 --> 01:01:25.519
60 kilograms. He positioned himself just two

01:01:25.519 --> 01:03:31.949
centimeters. I would agree. Good. And I get what

01:03:31.949 --> 01:03:37.010
he said because I've had a little martial arts

01:03:37.010 --> 01:03:43.570
training and I know about telegraphing your blow.

01:03:44.329 --> 01:03:49.130
You can tell by looking at somebody in a fight

01:03:49.130 --> 01:03:53.570
what they're going to do if you watch them. If

01:03:53.570 --> 01:04:02.030
you're good. You've got to keep a level head.

01:04:02.289 --> 01:04:04.329
Yeah, you've got to keep a level head. You don't

01:04:04.329 --> 01:04:07.730
let the adrenaline get to you. And also, you

01:04:07.730 --> 01:04:11.889
get better at reading people the longer you go

01:04:11.889 --> 01:04:14.969
on. Have you noticed that? Right. You get to

01:04:14.969 --> 01:04:16.710
where you can almost figure out what they're

01:04:16.710 --> 01:04:19.429
doing just by the look on their face. It's pretty

01:04:19.429 --> 01:04:21.269
interesting because sometimes the look on their

01:04:21.269 --> 01:04:25.659
face is universal. And, you know, people usually

01:04:25.659 --> 01:04:27.260
get the same look if they're getting ready to

01:04:27.260 --> 01:04:29.440
throw a punch to your face. It's interesting.

01:04:29.699 --> 01:04:33.039
It's hard to describe, but it's there. And you

01:04:33.039 --> 01:04:36.280
can do it if you study it. So, yeah, that was

01:04:36.280 --> 01:04:38.460
a great, that was a really good bag of garbage,

01:04:38.579 --> 01:04:40.539
even though it was one. Thank you, Rob. That's

01:04:40.539 --> 01:04:44.199
great. Yeah, yeah. Like I said, I wouldn't expect

01:04:44.199 --> 01:04:47.579
that at all. No, I wasn't either, but that was

01:04:47.579 --> 01:04:50.440
pretty cool. But it was a good one. Yeah. Very

01:04:50.440 --> 01:04:54.949
good. All right, I've got a little story here.

01:04:55.510 --> 01:04:57.849
Then we'll probably have the new guy chime in

01:04:57.849 --> 01:04:59.809
about it, and then we're going to go to our second

01:04:59.809 --> 01:05:05.030
break. Sound like a plan? Okay. Okay, I find

01:05:05.030 --> 01:05:07.170
it ironic that younger folk out there that are

01:05:07.170 --> 01:05:09.250
so concerned about the environment and their

01:05:09.250 --> 01:05:12.730
personal health and fitness, that we're concerned,

01:05:12.750 --> 01:05:15.849
and rightfully so, about nano and microplastics

01:05:15.849 --> 01:05:19.110
in our cells, and they're in us and all through

01:05:19.110 --> 01:05:22.289
the earth. So, you know, they're worried about

01:05:22.289 --> 01:05:24.309
these plastics and they are everywhere. And I

01:05:24.309 --> 01:05:27.409
mean, it causes concern for me, too. I mean,

01:05:27.409 --> 01:05:29.329
they're as far down as they can dig in the earth

01:05:29.329 --> 01:05:32.230
and they're a little micro beyond smaller than

01:05:32.230 --> 01:05:36.909
dust. And they're in all of us. They're in everything

01:05:36.909 --> 01:05:40.130
that you see on earth and including the earth.

01:05:40.489 --> 01:05:43.170
And they're not sure if it was natural. They

01:05:43.170 --> 01:05:45.469
think it was manmade, but they don't know for

01:05:45.469 --> 01:05:48.849
sure. So the Zers and Millennials with all their

01:05:48.849 --> 01:05:52.130
strong opinions are falling for this viral trend,

01:05:52.309 --> 01:05:55.289
which is ironic. The TikTok video shows people

01:05:55.289 --> 01:05:58.889
how to microwave and grill hot dogs still in

01:05:58.889 --> 01:06:04.949
the plastic wrappers, Rob. No, actually, I was

01:06:04.949 --> 01:06:09.289
shown to boil hot dogs, leave them in the wrapper.

01:06:10.510 --> 01:06:17.940
Seriously? juices in. That's what this guy says.

01:06:17.940 --> 01:06:21.460
Honestly, they're better hot dogs. I don't know

01:06:21.460 --> 01:06:26.780
about microwave. How about grilling? Well, the

01:06:26.780 --> 01:06:29.179
main way that this guy was doing it online is

01:06:29.179 --> 01:06:32.019
grilling. And that will melt the plastic straight

01:06:32.019 --> 01:06:35.679
into the hot dogs. Yeah, see, I don't want...

01:06:35.679 --> 01:06:39.619
No, no, no, no, no. All the toxics and plastics

01:06:39.619 --> 01:06:43.239
being released when you sear the plastic. It

01:06:43.239 --> 01:06:46.559
also sears it into the hot dogs. Okay, well,

01:06:46.679 --> 01:06:52.179
boiling, I understand. Boiling will not make

01:06:52.179 --> 01:06:54.920
it cling to your hot dogs. Yeah, it will make

01:06:54.920 --> 01:06:57.980
it expand and blow away from your hot dogs. So

01:06:57.980 --> 01:07:04.360
I could see that. But grilling them or microwaving

01:07:04.360 --> 01:07:12.019
them? No fucking way. So, anyhow... That's another

01:07:12.019 --> 01:07:14.880
thing too. But whenever you burn plastic like

01:07:14.880 --> 01:07:18.079
grilling it, you would burn it. You get PFCs

01:07:18.079 --> 01:07:20.699
and all these other toxic chemicals released

01:07:20.699 --> 01:07:23.380
into the air that you breathe in and they can

01:07:23.380 --> 01:07:26.239
really fuck up your lungs, make you sick, cause

01:07:26.239 --> 01:07:30.260
certain cancers. So the younger generation falling

01:07:30.260 --> 01:07:33.219
for this is really odd because they're so conscious

01:07:33.219 --> 01:07:36.800
about the nano and microplastics, but they're

01:07:36.800 --> 01:07:40.300
willing to do this. So how about this? Okay.

01:07:40.860 --> 01:07:44.300
New guy's been kind of a bitch, right? But we

01:07:44.300 --> 01:07:48.000
still pay him. So why don't we just go ahead

01:07:48.000 --> 01:07:50.119
and have him explain this? Does that sound all

01:07:50.119 --> 01:07:54.739
right? Okay, all right. Hey, new guy, get over

01:07:54.739 --> 01:07:58.960
here, bitch. Explain this new trend about grilling

01:07:58.960 --> 01:08:03.739
hot dogs still in a package. And we'll be right

01:08:03.739 --> 01:08:08.099
back after him. Uh, hello. This is the new guy,

01:08:08.119 --> 01:08:10.519
and I guess these two lazy fucks want me to explain

01:08:10.519 --> 01:08:13.219
something else. As if I don't do enough around

01:08:13.219 --> 01:08:16.000
here, and they don't appreciate it anyhow. Pencil

01:08:16.000 --> 01:08:20.579
shavings of 50 bucks. What? They think they treat

01:08:20.579 --> 01:08:22.420
me like gold, but actually they're a couple of

01:08:22.420 --> 01:08:25.920
assholes. A viral internet trend involves grilling

01:08:25.920 --> 01:08:29.000
hot dogs still in their plastic packaging, sparking

01:08:29.000 --> 01:08:32.239
debate as some claim it locks in flavor. While

01:08:32.239 --> 01:08:34.579
experts warn it's dangerous, causing plastic

01:08:34.579 --> 01:08:37.380
to melt, infuse with the meat, and potentially

01:08:37.380 --> 01:08:41.220
lead to harmful chemicals like BPA and phthalate,

01:08:41.359 --> 01:08:45.319
creating a toxic, unappetizing meal, the trend

01:08:45.319 --> 01:08:47.760
seems to be a form of rage beat or misunderstanding

01:08:47.760 --> 01:08:51.699
of sous vide, with most people finding it bizarre

01:08:51.699 --> 01:08:57.439
and unsafe despite claims it's real. There you

01:08:57.439 --> 01:09:02.100
guys go. These two fucks, I swear, they're killing

01:09:02.100 --> 01:09:04.100
me here. They can't do a damn thing. I bet they

01:09:04.100 --> 01:09:06.359
can't even wipe their ass. They probably have

01:09:06.359 --> 01:09:10.840
their wives do it. Idiots. Hey, my fellow heavy

01:09:10.840 --> 01:09:14.520
breathers, this is Dash Riptide with your music

01:09:14.520 --> 01:09:20.220
news. Glenn Hughes, the legendary bassist, lead

01:09:20.220 --> 01:09:25.479
singer of many, many great bands, such as Deep

01:09:25.479 --> 01:09:28.510
Purple, Black Sabbath, Black Country Communion,

01:09:28.569 --> 01:09:33.569
California Breed, and so on and so on. He had

01:09:33.569 --> 01:09:36.550
a U .S. tour planned for this April. Glenn unfortunately

01:09:36.550 --> 01:09:38.789
had to cancel due to what had been described

01:09:38.789 --> 01:09:42.069
as a minor medical issue. I already had seats

01:09:42.069 --> 01:09:44.890
for legendary rocker Knuckleheads, but like most

01:09:44.890 --> 01:09:47.729
times, I try to see him and it gets canceled.

01:09:48.210 --> 01:09:51.609
Glenn, I love you, but no more. Third time getting

01:09:51.609 --> 01:09:55.010
jerked is enough. We do wish you a full and speedy

01:09:55.010 --> 01:09:57.909
recovery, and hopefully a full and speedy recovery

01:09:57.909 --> 01:10:02.710
of my fucking money. Again, sorry, not sorry.

01:10:03.029 --> 01:10:06.149
This is Gash Rooktine, and that was your music

01:10:06.149 --> 01:10:09.189
news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear

01:10:09.189 --> 01:10:23.890
damage, just like me. Christopher, you know our

01:10:23.890 --> 01:10:27.029
elaborate prank section, right? Mm -hmm. Okay,

01:10:27.109 --> 01:10:29.029
well, I've got one for you. I never told you

01:10:29.029 --> 01:10:32.750
about Babble Snatch, have I? No. Okay, even if

01:10:32.750 --> 01:10:35.590
I did, just say I didn't know. You know, there's

01:10:35.590 --> 01:10:37.529
nothing about Babble Snatch. Yeah, I think I

01:10:37.529 --> 01:10:40.090
remember a name like Babble Snatch. Okay. Well,

01:10:40.689 --> 01:10:43.409
Babble Snatch, this is back in the 80s, probably

01:10:43.409 --> 01:10:47.060
mid -80s. Best guess. Could have been 87 at the

01:10:47.060 --> 01:10:50.340
latest. But anyhow, yeah, I used to go to the

01:10:50.340 --> 01:10:52.279
7 -Eleven in Belvedere, which isn't there now.

01:10:52.340 --> 01:10:55.020
It was knocked down and then replaced way later

01:10:55.020 --> 01:10:58.539
by a quick trip. But anyhow, I used to go in

01:10:58.539 --> 01:11:00.140
there all the time and, you know, go in there

01:11:00.140 --> 01:11:02.640
and buy sodas and shit and whatever, you know,

01:11:02.680 --> 01:11:06.960
rolling papers for my friends, not for me. And

01:11:06.960 --> 01:11:10.180
anyhow, you know, just shit like that. So anyhow,

01:11:10.979 --> 01:11:13.779
there's this guy in there. He, I don't know,

01:11:13.819 --> 01:11:15.680
you know, I think he hated long hairs or something.

01:11:15.760 --> 01:11:18.140
But, hey, I noticed he was nice to everybody

01:11:18.140 --> 01:11:20.779
but me. Like, I'd be, like, third in line. And,

01:11:20.880 --> 01:11:23.520
anyhow, you know, the first guy, hey, Mr. Jones,

01:11:23.640 --> 01:11:26.840
how you doing? Oh, man, yeah, nice weather. Hey,

01:11:26.939 --> 01:11:30.359
how's the kid? You know, next person, hi, Loretta,

01:11:30.359 --> 01:11:33.239
how you doing? Oh, man, yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's

01:11:33.239 --> 01:11:35.800
going good, man. I got the old Taurus running

01:11:35.800 --> 01:11:38.420
really good. Yeah, yeah, come by, man. The old

01:11:38.420 --> 01:11:42.449
Taurus. Yeah, you know. I'd come up there. 142.

01:11:43.010 --> 01:11:49.069
So, how you doing? 142. Okay, here you go. And

01:11:49.069 --> 01:11:50.930
I'm like, what the hell? How come this guy hates

01:11:50.930 --> 01:11:53.710
me? And every time I go in there, nice as pie

01:11:53.710 --> 01:11:56.250
to everybody, but me, it's like, just like, that'd

01:11:56.250 --> 01:11:59.750
be 249. So, weather's pretty nice out there.

01:12:00.750 --> 01:12:04.289
Thanks, bye. I'm like, that motherfucker. So

01:12:04.289 --> 01:12:06.630
he did this so many times, and he just never

01:12:06.630 --> 01:12:08.270
talked to me. He wouldn't even, like, hardly

01:12:08.270 --> 01:12:10.829
look at me, you know. And I never did nothing

01:12:10.829 --> 01:12:13.090
to this fucker that I know of. You know, maybe

01:12:13.090 --> 01:12:15.329
someone said something, like this guy said, you

01:12:15.329 --> 01:12:18.569
know, that you're a dick, or maybe someone's

01:12:18.569 --> 01:12:19.890
screwing with him, like, hey, man, you think

01:12:19.890 --> 01:12:22.729
she's got a nice ass? Who knows? Whatever the

01:12:22.729 --> 01:12:24.510
fucking deal was, the guy was just a complete

01:12:24.510 --> 01:12:26.750
tool bag to me constantly. So I was like, all

01:12:26.750 --> 01:12:29.050
right, bitch. So I go home, and I think about

01:12:29.050 --> 01:12:32.100
it. I'm like, okay. So I start calling up, and

01:12:32.100 --> 01:12:35.680
I go, hey, you got any Babel Snatch gum? What?

01:12:36.220 --> 01:12:39.920
Babel Snatch. I mean, everybody, I mean, I bought

01:12:39.920 --> 01:12:42.779
it from there a couple weeks ago. Stuff is fucking

01:12:42.779 --> 01:12:45.520
awesome, man. I'll tell you what, man, talk to

01:12:45.520 --> 01:12:47.539
your manager about it. Is this like a breath

01:12:47.539 --> 01:12:50.859
freshening gum? I don't, you know. Maybe a bubble

01:12:50.859 --> 01:12:54.619
gum? I just came up with it. And anyhow, the

01:12:54.619 --> 01:12:57.239
guy, he bid on it, you know. He was like, oh,

01:12:57.619 --> 01:12:59.439
yeah, I'll check on it for you. That's awesome.

01:12:59.800 --> 01:13:02.140
Hey, thanks, man. I appreciate it. So anyhow,

01:13:02.359 --> 01:13:04.600
so I called back a little bit later. Yeah, someone

01:13:04.600 --> 01:13:07.739
called earlier, you know. And anyhow, I'm sure

01:13:07.739 --> 01:13:09.760
we have it here somewhere. But, you know, I'll

01:13:09.760 --> 01:13:11.539
talk to my manager about it tonight, and we'll

01:13:11.539 --> 01:13:13.760
see what we can do. So anyhow. I have a couple

01:13:13.760 --> 01:13:15.720
other people call it about babble snatch gum

01:13:15.720 --> 01:13:17.579
and, you know, and they're like, yeah, yeah,

01:13:17.579 --> 01:13:19.359
yeah. You know, we're, we're working on getting

01:13:19.359 --> 01:13:22.000
it in. Okay. You know, the regional manager,

01:13:22.119 --> 01:13:24.000
we called him and he said that he was going to

01:13:24.000 --> 01:13:27.239
work on getting it in here. And, and I go, well,

01:13:27.239 --> 01:13:29.039
you know, I bought it the other day and it's

01:13:29.039 --> 01:13:31.399
just so good. And they believe me. I go, man,

01:13:31.460 --> 01:13:34.119
this gum is just so great tasting. And he's like,

01:13:34.159 --> 01:13:36.079
it's babble snatch, right? Yeah. Babble snatch.

01:13:36.180 --> 01:13:38.560
That's the name of it. Okay. All right. I would

01:13:38.560 --> 01:13:40.199
have loved to listen to another conversation

01:13:40.199 --> 01:13:42.760
when he's asking the regional manager. about

01:13:42.760 --> 01:13:45.880
Babble Snatch. Oh, yeah. So, you know, anyhow.

01:13:47.159 --> 01:13:49.060
I called down there the next day, and I go, hey,

01:13:49.079 --> 01:13:50.739
man, you know, you got that babble snatch gum?

01:13:50.920 --> 01:13:52.560
You know, the guy's like, oh, hang on, hang on.

01:13:52.619 --> 01:13:54.380
I think it's in. We just had a load. Hang on.

01:13:54.720 --> 01:13:56.739
So anyhow, so the guy's like, you know, and this

01:13:56.739 --> 01:13:59.319
is the guy I hated, the Paul guy. So anyhow,

01:13:59.579 --> 01:14:01.859
he's like, yeah, hang on a second. So I hear

01:14:01.859 --> 01:14:03.720
him like, yeah, hey, I'm going to go to the back

01:14:03.720 --> 01:14:05.720
there, and it's in one of the boxes. They said

01:14:05.720 --> 01:14:07.960
it was coming in today. So all right, no big

01:14:07.960 --> 01:14:10.159
deal. So I hear him go back there. I hear some

01:14:10.159 --> 01:14:12.159
rustling, and a couple people come in. Then he

01:14:12.159 --> 01:14:15.060
stops. He goes up there. Oh, yeah, it'll be 1242.

01:14:15.600 --> 01:14:17.279
Okay, thank you. have a good day and then he

01:14:17.279 --> 01:14:19.720
helps someone else i hear him go back again i

01:14:19.720 --> 01:14:22.279
hear him wrestling through some more boxes meanwhile

01:14:22.279 --> 01:14:26.020
i'm laughing my ass off anyhow this guy he like

01:14:26.020 --> 01:14:28.479
for like 20 minutes is looking for babble snatch

01:14:28.479 --> 01:14:34.829
gum so anyhow so like finally like a half hour

01:14:34.829 --> 01:14:36.710
later he comes back he goes man he goes look

01:14:36.710 --> 01:14:38.850
i know we're gonna have it in by the end of the

01:14:38.850 --> 01:14:42.170
day i talked to my manager okay all right man

01:14:42.170 --> 01:14:43.829
all right i'll come in at night and i'll get

01:14:43.829 --> 01:14:47.300
some gum man save some for me man okay My name's

01:14:47.300 --> 01:14:50.100
Billy. I'll be in. Okay, okay, all right. I'll

01:14:50.100 --> 01:14:52.899
save you some Babel Snatch gum. No problem. So

01:14:52.899 --> 01:14:55.079
a couple hours later, I call up and I talk to

01:14:55.079 --> 01:14:56.880
the manager. The manager's like, yeah, yeah,

01:14:56.899 --> 01:14:58.859
I ordered some a couple days ago and it should

01:14:58.859 --> 01:15:00.760
be in. If it's not in right now, it's going to

01:15:00.760 --> 01:15:02.399
be in by the end of the day. I guarantee you.

01:15:02.760 --> 01:15:04.720
So I don't know how the hell they ordered it

01:15:04.720 --> 01:15:07.140
because there was no such thing as Babel Snatch

01:15:07.140 --> 01:15:10.020
gum. I made the shut up and all of a sudden,

01:15:10.060 --> 01:15:12.140
I mean, everybody wanted this fucking Babel Snatch

01:15:12.140 --> 01:15:15.460
gum. And it never did exist. Matter of fact,

01:15:15.460 --> 01:15:18.399
this prank got so good to where I ended up. This

01:15:18.399 --> 01:15:20.979
is, you know, in the 80s before digital cameras

01:15:20.979 --> 01:15:23.720
even, let alone, you know, our phone cameras

01:15:23.720 --> 01:15:26.520
and all the, you know, Photoshop and everything.

01:15:26.680 --> 01:15:29.600
No internet. No, we had to, like, cut stuff out

01:15:29.600 --> 01:15:32.199
of wrappers and stuff and make a fake babble

01:15:32.199 --> 01:15:35.659
snatch gum and take an old -fashioned, like...

01:15:36.560 --> 01:15:38.520
Polaroid type of picture. I forgot what it was.

01:15:38.539 --> 01:15:40.380
It could have been one of those little box cameras

01:15:40.380 --> 01:15:42.380
back then. Probably the only thing I could afford,

01:15:42.619 --> 01:15:45.159
you know. Hey, we actually took a picture of

01:15:45.159 --> 01:15:48.319
the Babel Snatch gum. And a guy went in there.

01:15:48.340 --> 01:15:49.920
He goes, hey, man, I need this. The guy's like,

01:15:50.020 --> 01:15:51.880
I know, I know, I know, man. We're working on

01:15:51.880 --> 01:15:53.600
getting it in. It's hard to get, man. Everybody

01:15:53.600 --> 01:15:57.060
wants this Babel Snatch gum. So anyhow, I guess

01:15:57.060 --> 01:15:59.239
the whole moral of the story is don't be a dick

01:15:59.239 --> 01:16:01.060
to me because then I'll do something like that.

01:16:01.199 --> 01:16:03.800
And even now, to this day, I'll have a couple

01:16:03.800 --> 01:16:05.439
people on my friends list every now and then.

01:16:05.640 --> 01:16:07.859
Like send me a little message. It'll go babble

01:16:07.859 --> 01:16:10.920
snatch. I'm like, ah, ha, ha. I remember one

01:16:10.920 --> 01:16:14.800
time I was like working up in fucking New York

01:16:14.800 --> 01:16:16.960
or something. And all of a sudden I get a ding.

01:16:17.159 --> 01:16:19.699
And like I'm on top of this fucking skyscraper

01:16:19.699 --> 01:16:22.039
they were putting in glass. And I look down and

01:16:22.039 --> 01:16:27.640
it says babble snatch. And I'm like, fuck. I'm

01:16:27.640 --> 01:16:29.640
up there dying in this glass about ready to fall

01:16:29.640 --> 01:16:34.270
and kill 100 people. They recover your body and

01:16:34.270 --> 01:16:36.329
they look at your phone. Well, the last text

01:16:36.329 --> 01:16:38.430
you received said Babble Snatch. We better look

01:16:38.430 --> 01:16:47.390
into this. By some guy named Dirtbag. Yeah. So

01:16:47.390 --> 01:16:50.529
anyhow, that is my elaborate prank section of

01:16:50.529 --> 01:16:52.829
this. Unless we throw some more in there, but

01:16:52.829 --> 01:16:56.810
anyhow. Babble Snatch. Never forget it. This

01:16:56.810 --> 01:17:00.149
name lives on. Now it's time for pickup lines

01:17:00.149 --> 01:17:02.729
from a loser. Can you take me to the hospital?

01:17:03.029 --> 01:17:10.050
I just broke my leg falling for you. Our constant

01:17:10.050 --> 01:17:13.430
pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange

01:17:13.430 --> 01:17:17.810
insults from an alien. Real hilarity. Every time

01:17:17.810 --> 01:17:20.489
you're sitting in a stall at a public bathroom,

01:17:20.890 --> 01:17:23.729
may the guy that comes up next to you in the

01:17:23.729 --> 01:17:28.050
stall have explosive diarrhea. Next up, things

01:17:28.050 --> 01:17:32.529
overheard in hell. The brand new Charles in Charge

01:17:32.529 --> 01:17:38.109
reboot is the only show available all week. Two

01:17:38.109 --> 01:17:41.710
douchebags and a microphone. There is no escape.

01:17:42.149 --> 01:17:46.109
Enter at your own risk. You will not make it

01:17:46.109 --> 01:17:51.390
out. Run while you still can, bitches. Great

01:17:51.390 --> 01:17:55.060
news, assholes. You can now email the douches

01:17:55.060 --> 01:17:58.899
anytime, anywhere. In the middle of a job interview?

01:17:58.939 --> 01:18:03.260
No big deal. Taking a bath? No problems there.

01:18:03.539 --> 01:18:08.100
Tap dancing? Easy as pie. Just send it to 2douches

01:18:08.100 --> 01:18:11.199
at mail .com. Do it now, pussies, or I'll smash

01:18:11.199 --> 01:18:14.960
you in the junk. As much fun as an electric can

01:18:14.960 --> 01:18:17.939
opener to the scrotum, two douchebags and a microphone.

01:18:20.720 --> 01:18:24.010
Oh, hey, look at the time. It's time for the

01:18:24.010 --> 01:18:30.010
crazy -ass word of the day. Sometimes Mark appears

01:18:30.010 --> 01:18:33.270
to be in deep thoughts. Usually he is contemplating

01:18:33.270 --> 01:18:35.590
whether to squeeze a toot out or save it up for

01:18:35.590 --> 01:18:40.630
a better place. But I digress. Sometimes he does

01:18:40.630 --> 01:18:43.210
occasionally have a deep thought. Now we look

01:18:43.210 --> 01:18:47.989
in on his brilliance. What if I learned telepathy?

01:18:48.810 --> 01:18:52.170
And then I tried to talk to random people. How

01:18:52.170 --> 01:18:56.729
would I know if they're ignoring me? I guess

01:18:56.729 --> 01:19:11.909
some questions are greater than mankind. Two

01:19:11.909 --> 01:19:14.529
douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark here in the

01:19:14.529 --> 01:19:18.210
Kansas City Metroplex at the Talk is Cheap studio.

01:19:24.300 --> 01:19:28.859
And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, home of

01:19:28.859 --> 01:19:33.000
the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and Water

01:19:33.000 --> 01:19:37.140
Track, and also home of Hickam's Country Store,

01:19:37.359 --> 01:19:41.500
where you can buy anything you want, including

01:19:41.500 --> 01:19:46.899
the Sinclair Green Dinosaur in the Doug Black

01:19:46.899 --> 01:19:51.039
Studio. All right. Thank you, Rob. Man, that

01:19:51.039 --> 01:19:53.760
new guy is a bitch, isn't he? What a bitch. Oh,

01:19:53.760 --> 01:19:57.960
my God. Man, what did we do to him? I don't know,

01:19:57.960 --> 01:20:03.619
man. He's always just pissed off. Geez. Oh, well.

01:20:04.020 --> 01:20:08.079
You know, we pay him. I just gave him another

01:20:08.079 --> 01:20:12.060
$25, man. I gave him another bag of pencil shavings.

01:20:12.079 --> 01:20:13.739
We're too good to him. That's what the problem

01:20:13.739 --> 01:20:19.180
is. I know. $25 more bucks. And another bag of

01:20:19.180 --> 01:20:22.439
pencil shavings. I mean, I feel foolish for giving

01:20:22.439 --> 01:20:26.800
him all that. Yeah, that's $75 I'm giving him.

01:20:27.439 --> 01:20:31.020
Wow. And I gave him probably five bags of pencil

01:20:31.020 --> 01:20:34.300
shavings. The street value of that, I would hate

01:20:34.300 --> 01:20:38.060
to see the street value of that. Ungrateful asshole.

01:20:38.500 --> 01:20:42.300
I know. Man. Oh, well, you know what's funny,

01:20:42.340 --> 01:20:44.680
though? Keeping and making him work. He doesn't

01:20:44.680 --> 01:20:47.180
want to work. That's what's funny. We make him

01:20:47.180 --> 01:20:51.199
work. Yeah, he doesn't like to Google shit, but

01:20:51.199 --> 01:20:55.619
we make him. All right, Rob, you got something

01:20:55.619 --> 01:21:03.260
you want to go into? Yes, I do. All right. If

01:21:03.260 --> 01:21:07.119
you listen to the last podcast, I went into one

01:21:07.119 --> 01:21:13.579
of my famous lists. And this one was 10 unspoken

01:21:13.579 --> 01:21:23.560
prison rules. Yes. two, five. Tonight I'm going

01:21:23.560 --> 01:21:28.859
to go six through ten. Sounds good. Okay, at

01:21:28.859 --> 01:21:34.640
number six. Don't underestimate commissary protocols.

01:21:37.220 --> 01:21:39.699
Commissary is where inmates purchase essential

01:21:39.699 --> 01:21:45.119
goods, but it's also a hot spot for theft and

01:21:45.119 --> 01:21:58.899
extortion. Beyond staying diligent, knowing what

01:21:58.899 --> 01:22:03.880
items are most valued in that specific prison

01:22:03.880 --> 01:22:09.260
can help you navigate social exchanges and even

01:22:09.260 --> 01:22:17.039
gain favor with others. Okay. Okay, at number

01:22:17.039 --> 01:22:25.020
seven, choose your cellmate wisely. Perhaps the

01:22:25.020 --> 01:22:31.630
most critical... Your cellmate can become your

01:22:31.630 --> 01:22:36.029
best ally or your worst nightmare. Sounds about

01:22:36.029 --> 01:22:39.789
right. The reason cellmates turn violent are

01:22:39.789 --> 01:22:44.350
not uncommon. Reading people and establishing

01:22:44.350 --> 01:22:50.390
boundaries early is essential. Trust takes time.

01:23:00.880 --> 01:23:08.880
I did that. I get it. Number eight. Pay your

01:23:08.880 --> 01:23:16.340
debts. Especially in prison. Yeah. Borrowing

01:23:16.340 --> 01:23:21.180
items like snacks and toiletries might seem harmless,

01:23:21.260 --> 01:23:25.779
but in prison, not repaying debts is a dangerous

01:23:25.779 --> 01:24:05.239
mistake. I bet it is. Probably. Yeah, probably

01:24:05.239 --> 01:24:14.079
so. Just saying. Yeah. Okay, number nine. Identify

01:24:14.079 --> 01:24:20.539
the snitches. Okay. Snitches are a constant threat

01:24:20.539 --> 01:24:23.720
in prison. These individuals might report others

01:24:23.720 --> 01:24:27.739
to gain favor with guards or secure privileges,

01:24:28.199 --> 01:24:32.479
putting others at risk. Being seen associating

01:24:32.479 --> 01:24:35.899
with known snitches could damage your reputation

01:24:35.899 --> 01:24:41.300
and make you a target. Observing who regularly

01:24:41.300 --> 01:24:47.220
interacts with guards or seems overly curious

01:24:47.220 --> 01:24:59.000
about others' business is key. Okay. And, yeah.

01:24:59.300 --> 01:25:08.560
No, go ahead. No, go ahead. Okay, and number

01:25:08.560 --> 01:25:14.239
10, the final one. And this is the most important

01:25:14.239 --> 01:25:22.779
one. Okay. Respect the chow hall rules. Okay.

01:25:45.639 --> 01:25:49.399
Understanding where you're allowed to sit and

01:25:49.399 --> 01:25:53.779
not challenging the status quo is vital to keeping

01:25:53.779 --> 01:25:59.699
the peace. Okay, I could see that. So there are

01:25:59.699 --> 01:26:05.479
10 unspoken rules for anybody that's getting

01:26:05.479 --> 01:26:08.460
ready to go to prison. There you go. If you're

01:26:08.460 --> 01:26:11.159
getting ready to go to prison, jot these down.

01:26:11.659 --> 01:26:15.060
Rob did all the legwork for you, so you're welcome.

01:26:17.899 --> 01:26:22.800
Thank you, Rob. Very cool. Question. It is 9

01:26:22.800 --> 01:26:27.939
.16. We can either stop or go. I'm leaving it

01:26:27.939 --> 01:26:29.539
up to you because you have to get up a little

01:26:29.539 --> 01:26:34.579
bit earlier than I do. Yeah. Actually, I think

01:26:34.579 --> 01:26:37.460
that's probably it for tonight. Okay. Sounds

01:26:37.460 --> 01:26:41.520
good. Because I still got to eat dinner. Okay.

01:26:42.060 --> 01:26:45.819
All right. Well, thank you. Thank you, Rob, for

01:26:45.819 --> 01:26:47.659
all your input and everything you did tonight.

01:26:48.460 --> 01:26:51.279
You brought it, like always, very much appreciated.

01:26:51.579 --> 01:26:54.340
And thank you, everyone, for listening. Like

01:26:54.340 --> 01:26:56.859
I said, we hit over a millionth download. We're

01:26:56.859 --> 01:27:04.100
trying to harness the way it came to us. But

01:27:04.100 --> 01:27:07.380
for the entity that does this, I don't want to

01:27:07.380 --> 01:27:09.079
say their name because obviously they don't want

01:27:09.079 --> 01:27:12.819
to be mentioned. Right. They send you out something

01:27:12.819 --> 01:27:15.579
when you pass the millionth download. And it's

01:27:15.579 --> 01:27:17.819
like this little, hey, great news, excitement.

01:27:18.220 --> 01:27:21.399
And it was from them, so it's true. It wasn't

01:27:21.399 --> 01:27:24.159
like spam or someone trying to trick me or nothing.

01:27:24.359 --> 01:27:26.699
But we're trying to figure out how to harvest

01:27:26.699 --> 01:27:30.460
this thing and screenshot it somehow and put

01:27:30.460 --> 01:27:33.520
it up on our websites, on our Facebook pages

01:27:33.520 --> 01:27:35.960
and all that. To prove it to everybody. Yeah,

01:27:35.960 --> 01:27:40.170
to prove it to everybody. We're working on that.

01:27:40.329 --> 01:27:43.489
Topher's got an idea. And I think that he's on

01:27:43.489 --> 01:27:45.430
to something the way he wants to go about it.

01:27:45.689 --> 01:27:47.689
So I'm going to let him try to figure that out.

01:27:47.850 --> 01:27:51.369
And meanwhile, I'm going to try to do some other

01:27:51.369 --> 01:27:53.149
stuff. But if he can't figure it out, I'll go

01:27:53.149 --> 01:27:55.310
back to trying to figure it out. We will get

01:27:55.310 --> 01:27:57.430
it figured out one way or another. Because I'm

01:27:57.430 --> 01:28:00.369
certain it can be posted. I've looked it up on

01:28:00.369 --> 01:28:03.840
the internet and all that stuff. Anyhow, thank

01:28:03.840 --> 01:28:05.920
you everybody for listening. We appreciate all

01:28:05.920 --> 01:28:08.319
the listenership and all the support. Keep telling

01:28:08.319 --> 01:28:11.060
your friends it's working. Good night, assholes.

01:28:12.899 --> 01:28:19.000
Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the

01:28:19.000 --> 01:28:22.039
show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea

01:28:22.039 --> 01:28:26.020
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.

01:28:26.100 --> 01:28:28.319
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.