WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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screen the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. And now we

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look in on the adventures of the technical explanation

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guy. Excuse me, my dear sir. Could you please

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put my plain bread in a small countertop appliance

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with heating elements that would spring -loaded

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and would brown my bread adequately? Well, first

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off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over there

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sitting at the table having a drink. Second off,

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are you talking about someone toasting your bread?

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Why, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about my bread

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being toasted. Then why don't you just ask for

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your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? What

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the hell's wrong with you? You watch the news.

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It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We

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suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

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and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the

00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:08.699
post -apocalypse. Remember, post -apocalypse,

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to have a sewage bit. Sewage, untreated, can

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result in serious illness and other obstacles

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for your family to live well. You also should

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have some chemicals stocked up. maybe bags of

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chlorine or something of such, to sanitize the

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sewage per week. Hey peeps, it's time for the

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police blotter. That's right, stories about stupid

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criminals and the dumbassness that ensued. Let

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us begin now. During a routine traffic stop,

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Ohio officer Sergeant John Allen found a bag

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of illegal narcotics. He was about to let 29

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-year -old Sean, total of Columbus, go when he

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spotted laying in the passenger seat a clear,

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baggy, labeled bag of drugs. Hello, this is Phineas

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J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver your music

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news this evening. We have some sad news for

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everybody. Bob Weir, the co -founder and guitarist

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for The Grateful Dead, has passed away at the

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age of 78. Bob, we hope you're grateful, because

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you're definitely dead. Rest in peace, Mr. Weir.

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This is Phineas J. Baltaris III. That has been

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your music news for this evening. I have one

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burning question for you all. Do people really

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skip around the Maypole? Sir. I see your qualifications

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here. May I ask some further questions that could

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help me determine your employment eligibility?

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Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,

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we have a large population of different ethnic

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backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by

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chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why

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you need that kind of information, but, well,

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it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

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it experimental. Hey, you yankers. We often think

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many things are just true because we've heard

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it our whole lives. That's why here at Two Douchebags

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and Microphone, we developed the segment, Not

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True. We investigate and uncover the real truth

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of what happened. We've heard for years that

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Einstein was so intelligent he could not figure

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out how to tie his shoe. The fact is, he disliked

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wearing socks. He would put socks over his shoes

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to avoid tying them. He believed tying shoelaces

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was an incredible waste of time. So were Crocs

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when Einstein needed them. Hello, everybody.

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We are Two Douchebags and Microphone. We are

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a very fast -growing podcast. We just hit over

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a millionth download. We did. And I'm going to

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try to find a way to prove it to everybody. It

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won't let me capture it for some reason. Awesome.

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Yeah, I posted where, you know, the whole world

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is listening. You know, we've had hits from every

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continent and virtually every country. I posted

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that the other day, but I can't seem to get a

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screenshot of this congratulations million download

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thing that they have. So as soon as I can do

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that, at least I can show to the people on our

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Facebook and also the people that are on our

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Facebook page to my personal and also the Two

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Douchebags and Microphone page. The whole thing

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is we're doing really well, and we want to thank

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everybody for listening to us. But we are Two

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Douchebags Microphone, and I am Mark, and I am

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here in the Kansas City area. I'm half of this.

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I'm a co -host at the Talk is Cheap studio, is

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what I call this little mess here. And I like

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to do goat noises after I say all this shit.

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a host. I'm co -host. You just said co -host.

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You are a host. This is your show, man. You started

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this. It was all for you. you know what man but

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I gotta give you a lot of credit Rob you know

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I was in a hard way there Topher was having some

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really big issues that he had to deal with and

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you came to bat and you did a great job so I

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prefer to just call you and myself a co -host

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both of us but okay okay well let's get back

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to this I am Rob and I am in Wheatland Missouri

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home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and

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All right. Yes, including saving your vehicle

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from softball -sized hail, like I spoke about

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last time. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, my friend.

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It's a great place. I've been there because they

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showed me. They're like, hey, here's what saved

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our car. I was like, oh, cool. I know they do.

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They had some really good burritos there when

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I was there. I mean, it wasn't very... It is.

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It's really good. Yeah, I felt sorry for the...

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I feel sorry for the interior of my car on the

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way home, but, I mean, they were great burritos.

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Dude, next time you go there, get the burritos

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and ask for queso. They have queso. They will

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pour over it for you. Oh, even better. Yeah,

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that's one of my go -tos. Yeah. Cool. They're

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like a small Buc -ee's, almost. Yeah. They really

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are. I remember they had they had handcuffs they

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had professional police grade handcuffs for sale

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when I was there oh dude you ought to see this

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giant oh my god I forget what they call it it's

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a jumbo lawn chair one of the pulled out chairs

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Oh, I would love, oh, I love oversized chairs.

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I guarantee it's the original one they put up

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there. Nobody's bought one. I think I'm going

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to just for fun of it. You know what? Absolutely.

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It's almost the size of a one seat. Can you fit

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it? Can you fit it in the duck blind studio?

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Yeah. Yeah. Because it folds up. It's like a

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normal camping chair. It's just a huge camping

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chair. Okay. I mean, it's huge. Oh, hang on,

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hang on. We didn't finish this. Where are you

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at? You know, you're at Hickmo's, okay, home

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of Hickmo's. But where are you at and all that,

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you know? You've got to finish it off, your intro.

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Did I finish the intro? Did you? You didn't say

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it at the Duck Blind Studio? Oh, in the Duck

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Blind Studio, whack, whack, sorry. Okay, no,

00:11:07.899 --> 00:11:15.059
no, no, that's cool, that's cool. Oh. Yes, I

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did. I know. And then I realized, wait a minute,

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because I was going to ask you if you're going

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to get that and put it if you had room in the

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duck blind studio. And then I realized you didn't

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say the duck blind studio. Well, this was last

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minute. Okay. So I will explain that to you off

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air. Okay, you got it. Yeah, he said air. He

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said air. I forgot who the fuck that is. Send

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me another message. Some dickwad has a problem

00:11:44.029 --> 00:11:47.149
with us saying air. But Rob, will you describe

00:11:47.149 --> 00:11:50.389
it again why we say air? He takes it as radio

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air. Go ahead, Rob. Please explain why we say

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air. Because we're going to believe it. Or we

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got to breathe it, you know? Yeah. No, no. It's,

00:12:01.190 --> 00:12:09.690
yeah, it's because... Yeah, yeah, but also it's

00:12:09.690 --> 00:12:15.090
because the internet is in the air and our phones

00:12:15.090 --> 00:12:20.230
are in the air. It's easier to say on air. So,

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anyhow, you know what? Who cares about that dickwad?

00:12:23.309 --> 00:12:27.470
Technically, now, the blind studio is in the

00:12:27.470 --> 00:12:30.990
second story of the house. So, I'm in the air.

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There you go. So, whoever your name was, fuck

00:12:34.409 --> 00:13:05.379
off again. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's time to put

00:13:05.379 --> 00:13:08.120
that once proud showcase out to pasture. Just

00:13:08.120 --> 00:13:10.659
forget it. If you can't do it right, then just

00:13:10.659 --> 00:13:13.059
stop it. Why don't you just have a meet and greet?

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You know, hey, hey, everybody, Mahomes is going

00:13:15.740 --> 00:13:17.820
to be here. Come over and see him. He'll sign

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your football. You know, this NFC versus NFC,

00:13:23.019 --> 00:13:26.980
AFC versus NFC flag football showdown is garbage.

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Does that make you want to watch it, Rob? No,

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me neither. I mean... Oh, go ahead. Yeah, yeah,

00:13:46.230 --> 00:13:51.029
yeah. It was formerly the Pro Bowl. It was formerly

00:13:51.029 --> 00:13:54.730
the Pro Bowl. Yeah, yeah, but now they called

00:13:54.730 --> 00:14:01.549
it... Yeah, yeah, the really good ones were playing

00:14:01.549 --> 00:14:06.019
in February. So it's time to put that thing out

00:14:06.019 --> 00:14:08.620
to pasture. I'm sorry, man. I mean, if you can't

00:14:08.620 --> 00:14:10.440
do it better than that, then just forget it.

00:14:10.460 --> 00:14:17.720
Stop it. Okay, NFL? Geez. I mean, let them play.

00:14:18.580 --> 00:14:23.639
They're done for the year. Yeah, I mean, I'm

00:14:23.639 --> 00:14:29.250
waiting for them to fucking do bubble. I'm waiting

00:14:29.250 --> 00:14:32.129
for him to do fucking bubble parties and shit

00:14:32.129 --> 00:14:36.870
like that. I mean, I swear, it blows. So, all

00:14:36.870 --> 00:14:40.070
right, Rob, what do you do if someone in the

00:14:40.070 --> 00:14:42.389
middle of the night kicks your door really hard

00:14:42.389 --> 00:14:48.690
or bangs on your door loudly? You grab your gun.

00:14:49.409 --> 00:14:59.370
Okay. You or her will grab your gun, right? uh

00:14:59.370 --> 00:15:03.190
-huh less than 400 people mom and dad and grandma

00:15:03.190 --> 00:15:05.990
across the street got neighbors us neighbors

00:15:05.990 --> 00:15:10.370
of course yes so if someone did that we protect

00:15:10.370 --> 00:15:13.289
each other yes if someone did that it would not

00:15:13.289 --> 00:15:17.230
end very well for them right agreed not here

00:15:17.230 --> 00:15:21.169
well you on the other hand no no no no no without

00:15:21.169 --> 00:15:23.470
without giving away too much it wouldn't happen

00:15:23.470 --> 00:15:28.129
here either The initial one would happen. Then

00:15:28.129 --> 00:15:30.850
after that, it would cease really quickly. I'll

00:15:30.850 --> 00:15:33.570
just leave it at that. So a viral TikTok trend

00:15:33.570 --> 00:15:36.509
known as the door kick challenge or door knock

00:15:36.509 --> 00:15:39.009
challenge is causing alarm among law enforcement

00:15:39.009 --> 00:15:43.570
agencies nationwide. Participants, typically

00:15:43.570 --> 00:15:46.690
teenagers, kick or aggressively bang on random

00:15:46.690 --> 00:15:49.809
residential doors often at night, then run away.

00:15:49.990 --> 00:15:55.809
So in other words, it's a. um what do they call

00:15:55.809 --> 00:15:58.190
it ding dong run or something like that or ding

00:15:58.190 --> 00:16:02.029
dong ding dong ditch ding dong ditch yeah that's

00:16:02.029 --> 00:16:04.909
what we call it ding dong ditch yeah or uh or

00:16:04.909 --> 00:16:08.610
ring and run yeah okay so this is this is like

00:16:08.610 --> 00:16:10.909
a new way of doing it only they bang the shit

00:16:10.909 --> 00:16:14.730
out your door um you know um oh it says it right

00:16:14.730 --> 00:16:17.700
here the remnant is this Though reminiscent of

00:16:17.700 --> 00:16:19.980
their traditional ding -dong -ditch prank, this

00:16:19.980 --> 00:16:22.279
challenge has escalated to significant property

00:16:22.279 --> 00:16:25.220
damage and real safety concerns. Authorities

00:16:25.220 --> 00:16:27.139
across the United States have highlighted the

00:16:27.139 --> 00:16:30.399
serious legal and safety risks associated with

00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:34.179
this viral challenge in recent months. Russell

00:16:34.179 --> 00:16:36.860
Klump of the Topeka Police Department in Kansas

00:16:36.860 --> 00:16:40.100
noted, There's a criminal element. More disturbing,

00:16:40.220 --> 00:16:42.320
however, is the reason for this safety message.

00:16:43.240 --> 00:16:45.620
is the dangers that are associated with conduct

00:16:45.620 --> 00:16:48.600
in these challenges. So when we go to a random

00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:51.279
resident and you start kicking on the door, residents

00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:53.659
inside can easily mistake that for an attempted

00:16:53.659 --> 00:16:56.559
burglary, somebody trying to break into their

00:16:56.559 --> 00:17:00.039
home and cause them harm. Klump goes on to state

00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:02.779
that homeowners can respond to the threat of

00:17:02.779 --> 00:17:04.940
a perceived intruder in a number of ways, including

00:17:04.940 --> 00:17:09.900
shooting the perceived intruder. So, Rob, okay,

00:17:10.039 --> 00:17:12.660
here's the way, after reading all that, here's

00:17:12.660 --> 00:17:15.559
what I, and you tell me, correct me if I'm wrong,

00:17:15.640 --> 00:17:18.500
okay? I will file that in the fuck around and

00:17:18.500 --> 00:17:21.619
find out department. What do you think? Oh, definitely.

00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:24.200
Yeah, yeah, so, you know, you think you're going

00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:26.779
to go banging on doors and stuff. That's typically

00:17:26.779 --> 00:17:30.319
where things really, really go wrong, you know,

00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:32.519
and especially teenagers that think it's cool

00:17:32.519 --> 00:17:36.349
because they see it on TikTok. No, no. Don't

00:17:36.349 --> 00:17:38.910
do it. Too many people have guns, and too many

00:17:38.910 --> 00:17:42.309
people will shoot, and I can't blame them. In

00:17:42.309 --> 00:17:44.529
today's world, do you sit there and let someone

00:17:44.529 --> 00:17:46.910
try to kick your door in, or do you go ahead

00:17:46.910 --> 00:17:48.930
and just take the initiative and try to take

00:17:48.930 --> 00:17:51.269
them out before they fuck with you or your family,

00:17:51.369 --> 00:17:55.289
right? Pretty simple. Yeah. What you do is you

00:17:55.289 --> 00:17:58.650
do the old, I'm going to do it. That's our right,

00:17:58.750 --> 00:18:02.720
thanks to our Constitution. Yes. And also another

00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:04.339
thing is, is that's one of those things that

00:18:04.339 --> 00:18:07.200
you do it and then you take your lumps. It's

00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:10.240
like first things first. This guy may try to

00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:13.420
kill us. So first thing I'm going to do is I'm

00:18:13.420 --> 00:18:16.119
going to get to him first. And then I'm going

00:18:16.119 --> 00:18:18.400
to deal with the law enforcement. But just like

00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:20.180
they used to say in Cleveland, Missouri, some

00:18:20.180 --> 00:18:22.660
unnamed cops from an unnamed county or town,

00:18:22.900 --> 00:18:26.140
allegedly, they said, if you shoot them on your

00:18:26.140 --> 00:18:28.059
porch, drag them inside your house. We don't

00:18:28.059 --> 00:18:30.839
have a budget to do an investigation. That guy's

00:18:30.839 --> 00:18:33.759
dead. He can't talk. You're alive. You can. We

00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:36.299
have to take your word. And pretty much, you

00:18:36.299 --> 00:18:38.240
know, that's the whole thing about small towns

00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:41.240
in Midwest. They're kind of like, okay, so this

00:18:41.240 --> 00:18:43.819
guy came up banging on your door, screaming and

00:18:43.819 --> 00:18:45.960
freaking out. Yeah. Okay. And you shot him. Yeah.

00:18:46.140 --> 00:18:49.660
Okay. Nothing to see here. That's it. Well, Princess

00:18:49.660 --> 00:18:55.359
was telling me that here a couple years ago,

00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:59.480
there was some guy that was running through town.

00:18:59.799 --> 00:19:04.539
Cops was chasing him and shit. And he ran down

00:19:04.539 --> 00:19:10.880
this street. The neighbor's daughter pulled her

00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:14.900
gun out, fired a shot at the dude, luckily missed.

00:19:16.900 --> 00:19:24.200
Because the cops were hot behind him. And she

00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:27.700
wasn't the only one with her guns out. He was

00:19:27.700 --> 00:19:29.660
probably sorry you ever attempted that, wasn't

00:19:29.660 --> 00:19:34.519
he? Well, Princess had her gun out, her dad had

00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:37.500
his out, and we were right across the street

00:19:37.500 --> 00:19:47.440
from her. He probably wanted the cops to get

00:19:47.440 --> 00:19:55.019
him after that. He's like, he's like, but yeah,

00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:57.819
there's a big police presence there. Obviously

00:19:57.819 --> 00:20:01.460
there has to be. No, that, that's the whole thing

00:20:01.460 --> 00:20:06.759
is the guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yep, yep. And Hill

00:20:06.759 --> 00:20:09.859
Jack is affectionate, in case anybody wonders.

00:20:10.779 --> 00:20:14.779
Listen, I... Well, yeah, I know, but, you know,

00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:18.640
Hill Jack is not a bad thing. It's a term of

00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:23.019
endearment. It's a term of endearment. Yes, yep,

00:20:23.099 --> 00:20:25.740
so there you go. And anybody that lives there

00:20:25.740 --> 00:20:28.240
knows this, too. You know, people walk up to

00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:29.599
each other all the time and go, hey, you fucking

00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:31.619
hillbilly, and they're like, yeah, okay, what

00:20:31.619 --> 00:20:35.079
do you need? So, all right, I'm starting to notice

00:20:35.079 --> 00:20:37.539
now switching subjects. Now that the Chiefs are

00:20:37.539 --> 00:20:39.559
out of the playoffs, a lot of the bullshit penalties

00:20:39.559 --> 00:20:43.240
have stopped. I think the NFL owes us a fucking

00:20:43.240 --> 00:20:48.980
apology. I've seen so many things going on. And,

00:20:48.980 --> 00:20:51.380
you know, it's like the stuff that we would have

00:20:51.380 --> 00:20:54.359
got called for. Listen, I'm fine with the number

00:20:54.359 --> 00:20:57.119
of Super Bowls we've won so far. I think we're

00:20:57.119 --> 00:20:59.700
going to win some more. And I'm happy with what

00:20:59.700 --> 00:21:01.319
they've done and everything. But I'm telling

00:21:01.319 --> 00:21:04.759
you, the game is so heavily influenced. In my

00:21:04.759 --> 00:21:08.640
opinion, anyone that bets on it is a rube. You're

00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:13.430
a sucker. because they take these games, and

00:21:13.430 --> 00:21:15.029
Topher and I are going to talk about this a lot

00:21:15.029 --> 00:21:17.789
on the Sports Bastards coming up Tuesday. What

00:21:17.789 --> 00:21:20.329
they do is they manipulate the games with penalties

00:21:20.329 --> 00:21:23.490
to make the games close in the fourth quarters

00:21:23.490 --> 00:21:26.789
so nobody shuts that TV set off and nobody quits

00:21:26.789 --> 00:21:29.869
betting. That's what it is, in my opinion, my

00:21:29.869 --> 00:21:32.890
humble opinion, allegedly, and all that good

00:21:32.890 --> 00:21:35.779
shit. I mean, if I had to bet on anything, I'd

00:21:35.779 --> 00:21:38.259
bet that that's true. What do you think, Rob?

00:21:38.339 --> 00:21:40.460
Do you think we're on to something here? I totally

00:21:40.460 --> 00:21:45.299
agree with you. I believe that the end of the

00:21:45.299 --> 00:21:51.440
year is set up to begin with. And that's where

00:21:51.440 --> 00:21:56.380
all the penalties come in. And now that we're

00:21:56.380 --> 00:21:58.859
in the playoffs, the penalties are going to cool

00:21:58.859 --> 00:22:01.440
off. It's because they got the teams that they

00:22:01.440 --> 00:22:08.619
wanted. Well, I'll go a step further. They're

00:22:08.619 --> 00:22:14.220
still manipulating the game. Because every game...

00:22:14.220 --> 00:22:26.579
Well, it is sports entertainment. They did change

00:22:26.579 --> 00:22:30.039
the name a few years ago from actual sports to...

00:22:31.379 --> 00:22:33.819
sports entertainment and that would be the same

00:22:33.819 --> 00:22:37.400
category as wwe which is script writing which

00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:40.539
we love it it's great right but it's scripts

00:22:40.539 --> 00:22:43.359
now why would you need to write scripts in football

00:22:43.359 --> 00:22:47.880
well i mean to me uh the thing is is yeah and

00:22:47.880 --> 00:22:51.539
and okay so maybe they're not actual scripts

00:22:51.539 --> 00:22:56.430
per se but their narratives, the way they take

00:22:56.430 --> 00:22:59.869
the game to. And I got an example is every one

00:22:59.869 --> 00:23:04.990
of the playoffs games, this one of this season,

00:23:05.089 --> 00:23:08.789
all of them come down to the last quarter and

00:23:08.789 --> 00:23:12.230
the last minutes. Philadelphia just lost to San

00:23:12.230 --> 00:23:16.630
Fran, fourth and... fourth and 11 or something

00:23:16.630 --> 00:23:19.690
like that and and it was incomplete and then

00:23:19.690 --> 00:23:24.170
uh sam fran got to run the timeout now that that

00:23:24.170 --> 00:23:26.210
to me looked like there's some penalties there

00:23:26.210 --> 00:23:30.130
and some penalties not called that um not as

00:23:30.130 --> 00:23:32.750
egregious as they were doing the chiefs but you

00:23:32.750 --> 00:23:35.289
can tell that to me in my opinion it's influence

00:23:35.289 --> 00:23:38.789
so so um all right we're gonna go on on from

00:23:38.789 --> 00:23:41.190
that so rob what happens if you work out for

00:23:41.190 --> 00:23:45.630
14 minutes and it's a 15 minute ab video Will

00:23:45.630 --> 00:23:51.190
you just get a five -pack? That's what I would

00:23:51.190 --> 00:23:53.029
say, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you wouldn't get the full

00:23:53.029 --> 00:23:55.329
six, right? You missed a minute? Yeah. You'd

00:23:55.329 --> 00:23:59.210
only have five abs, not six. Hey, five out of

00:23:59.210 --> 00:24:01.849
six ain't bad. You know what? I'll make up something.

00:24:01.849 --> 00:24:05.730
I'll say, yeah, I cut it off in the war. My other

00:24:05.730 --> 00:24:08.789
ab got cut off. Do what? If two out of three

00:24:08.789 --> 00:24:12.490
ain't bad, five out of six is even better. That's

00:24:12.490 --> 00:24:17.069
right. I agree. Hell yeah. A little, um, if you

00:24:17.069 --> 00:24:23.450
know, you know, that's right. Yeah. So if you

00:24:23.450 --> 00:24:24.990
know, you know, we'll just see that one right

00:24:24.990 --> 00:24:26.930
there. And the people that chuckled, chuckled

00:24:26.930 --> 00:24:29.069
and the people that didn't are probably younger.

00:24:29.329 --> 00:24:39.009
So, um, all right. Yes. I'm still wondering what

00:24:39.009 --> 00:24:41.769
the fuck I'm going to use algebra on. I'm still

00:24:41.769 --> 00:24:48.099
waiting to use it one time in real life. oh well

00:24:48.099 --> 00:24:52.079
yeah okay okay you're right okay i stand corrected

00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:56.599
uh yeah bill billiards are you do use a lot of

00:24:56.599 --> 00:24:59.519
algebra on billiards that's true all right um

00:24:59.519 --> 00:25:03.940
so uh let's see um i went out and i bought glenn

00:25:03.940 --> 00:25:06.599
hughes tickets for knuckleheads and guess what

00:25:06.599 --> 00:25:13.579
it's fucking canceled already I swear, I know

00:25:13.579 --> 00:25:15.859
we're talking about that one concert, but that

00:25:15.859 --> 00:25:23.460
was something we planned. Okay, let me go on

00:25:23.460 --> 00:25:25.000
with this here real quick and I'll get to that.

00:25:25.160 --> 00:25:28.200
Okay, I'm going to swear off concerts. I'm so

00:25:28.200 --> 00:25:30.920
sick of the fucking dry jack going on. The official

00:25:30.920 --> 00:25:34.819
word was a minor health issue. Okay, got it.

00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:37.529
How about a reschedule then? Why was it just

00:25:37.529 --> 00:25:40.970
a flat cancel if it's a minor health issue? All

00:25:40.970 --> 00:25:43.650
right, go rest. Then come back and do our fucking

00:25:43.650 --> 00:25:46.690
shows that we paid for. I get tired of this shit.

00:25:46.809 --> 00:25:48.710
Now I got to go through all that bullshit of

00:25:48.710 --> 00:25:50.670
trying to get my money back. And then a lot of

00:25:50.670 --> 00:25:52.809
times these fucking agencies, they keep your

00:25:52.809 --> 00:25:55.940
money and just keep it as credit. I am, I swear,

00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:57.819
after this next one that you and I are talking

00:25:57.819 --> 00:26:00.619
about, Triumph, that's it. I'm never going to

00:26:00.619 --> 00:26:03.079
another concert. I'm so pissed off, I'm furious.

00:26:03.259 --> 00:26:06.299
It's a big fucking racket, in my opinion. And

00:26:06.299 --> 00:26:08.700
they do this on purpose. It's an alleged concert

00:26:08.700 --> 00:26:11.000
that never fucking happens if they don't get

00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:15.160
enough tickets. I have my own battle on that.

00:26:15.859 --> 00:26:21.940
Because right before COVID, I ordered two tickets.

00:26:22.359 --> 00:26:26.200
see leonard skinner that ozark amphitheater and

00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:31.180
covid hit they canceled uh -huh they never rescheduled

00:26:31.180 --> 00:26:36.940
wow so i missed out on leonard skinner for the

00:26:36.940 --> 00:26:40.700
last time i'd ever get to see him and of course

00:26:40.700 --> 00:26:43.339
they're not the originals but still it's leonard

00:26:43.339 --> 00:26:45.700
skinner well actually you know they're still

00:26:45.700 --> 00:26:48.940
touring but they're less than the uh replacements

00:26:49.779 --> 00:26:52.519
Oh, I know. I know. I know. Yeah, you don't want

00:26:52.519 --> 00:26:56.319
to go, trust me. I mean, it's a glorified fucking

00:26:56.319 --> 00:27:02.220
cover band is all it is. Right, but still, they're

00:27:02.220 --> 00:27:05.240
still considered Leonard Skinner, so I can say

00:27:05.240 --> 00:27:09.700
I've seen Leonard Skinner. And that's what I

00:27:09.700 --> 00:27:14.119
wanted, but I did not get that. No, I understand.

00:27:14.259 --> 00:27:17.279
Ronnie Van Zandt and Johnny Van Zandt, I believe,

00:27:17.339 --> 00:27:19.799
were the two singers, right? Was it Ronnie that

00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:22.240
died in the plane crash, and then his cousin

00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:25.910
later? um came back and filled his shoes they

00:27:25.910 --> 00:27:29.230
re they reinvented leonard skinnerd you know

00:27:29.230 --> 00:27:31.190
minus the people that died and then rossington

00:27:31.190 --> 00:27:34.390
and collins is the other guy i think rossington

00:27:34.390 --> 00:27:36.869
collins band they formed their band and never

00:27:36.869 --> 00:27:39.289
went back to skinnerd but there was still enough

00:27:39.289 --> 00:27:42.430
members left to where they still could call yeah

00:27:50.859 --> 00:27:53.539
yeah last year that's right gary rossington i

00:27:53.539 --> 00:27:59.460
believe was his name yeah yeah yeah yeah um yeah

00:27:59.460 --> 00:28:04.579
so anyhow um yeah i'm getting tired of this what

00:28:04.579 --> 00:28:07.480
happens is and topher uncovered this a long time

00:28:07.480 --> 00:28:10.059
ago he talked about this and i knew it to be

00:28:10.059 --> 00:28:13.420
true and the thing is is these concerts are not

00:28:13.420 --> 00:28:17.259
in stone what they do is they book them and then

00:28:17.259 --> 00:28:20.369
it's under This is allegedly, I mean, but I'm

00:28:20.369 --> 00:28:22.309
pretty sure this happens. And what it is, is

00:28:22.309 --> 00:28:25.289
whenever the concerts don't sell enough, then

00:28:25.289 --> 00:28:28.609
they just, it won't happen. They're acting like

00:28:28.609 --> 00:28:31.349
this is a concert coming to Kansas City or wherever,

00:28:31.609 --> 00:28:34.670
wherever USA, wherever you are. And then if things

00:28:34.670 --> 00:28:36.509
don't go just right and they don't make the profit

00:28:36.509 --> 00:28:39.880
margin exactly as they feel. They just cancel

00:28:39.880 --> 00:28:41.799
it. And then sometimes you don't even get your

00:28:41.799 --> 00:28:43.819
money back. You get fucking credit or sometimes

00:28:43.819 --> 00:28:47.160
they just ghost you. I got ghosted on that fucking

00:28:47.160 --> 00:28:49.259
one. The last one I tried to go see Glenn Hughes

00:28:49.259 --> 00:28:51.940
on. I got fucking ghosted on my money. It got

00:28:51.940 --> 00:28:56.400
rained out as in Sedalia. Oh, Sedalia. Yeah,

00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:02.230
yeah, Sedalia. Yeah. yes yeah and that was a

00:29:02.230 --> 00:29:04.970
great place i loved it um we were at the resort

00:29:04.970 --> 00:29:06.930
we went to the encore to watch the chiefs game

00:29:06.930 --> 00:29:09.410
as a monday night game or no a sunday night game

00:29:09.410 --> 00:29:12.089
and uh we're watching it there at the encore

00:29:12.089 --> 00:29:15.970
and uh and that's where the owner had that police

00:29:15.970 --> 00:29:20.200
um And there's some Atlanta fans over in the

00:29:20.200 --> 00:29:23.180
corner. And they were over there cheering. Atlanta

00:29:23.180 --> 00:29:26.059
was doing good at the time. And then whenever

00:29:26.059 --> 00:29:28.160
the Chiefs would score or get an interception

00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:30.380
or a fumble or whatever, he would turn around

00:29:30.380 --> 00:29:34.259
with that megaphone and go right to them. Kansas

00:29:34.259 --> 00:29:37.500
City scores! Or yeah, touchdown Kansas City!

00:29:37.579 --> 00:29:41.640
Or aha, fumble! And they left. And he was just

00:29:41.640 --> 00:29:44.079
laughing. He goes, I don't care. He goes, I don't

00:29:44.079 --> 00:29:51.680
give a shit. hell no man that guy's he yeah yeah

00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:56.599
yeah it's a great place i highly recommend that

00:29:56.599 --> 00:29:59.500
resort and i highly recommend the encore and

00:29:59.500 --> 00:30:02.740
i i'm still sick to my stomach i did not know

00:30:02.740 --> 00:30:05.599
that molly hatchett came by there in their uh

00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:08.900
in their water bar their underwater bar their

00:30:08.900 --> 00:30:12.869
swim up bar is their whole That's where the amphitheater,

00:30:12.890 --> 00:30:16.650
you sit in that swim, the swim up bar and the

00:30:16.650 --> 00:30:19.089
bars in the middle and you stand there and you,

00:30:19.109 --> 00:30:20.829
you know, you sit there in the water or swim

00:30:20.829 --> 00:30:23.109
around and watch Molly hatchet. That would have

00:30:23.109 --> 00:30:26.809
been fucking perfect. I told you, I told you

00:30:26.809 --> 00:30:30.369
I wanted to go to that. I just, I just couldn't.

00:30:30.529 --> 00:30:33.970
This happened and I missed out. No, I understand.

00:30:35.400 --> 00:30:38.680
I understand completely, Rob. But anyhow, well,

00:30:38.759 --> 00:30:40.900
you know, maybe they'll come back by or maybe

00:30:40.900 --> 00:30:44.440
there'll be a show. I kept in touch and I kept

00:30:44.440 --> 00:30:46.339
looking at their webpage and stuff, but I really

00:30:46.339 --> 00:30:49.000
didn't see anything of note this year, this last

00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:51.359
year. So hopefully this one coming up, I mean,

00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:54.200
that would be a concert I would go to because

00:30:54.200 --> 00:30:56.319
I think that they would honor it because it's

00:30:56.319 --> 00:30:58.980
not part of the concert circuit with all these

00:30:58.980 --> 00:31:01.519
venues that are like real fickle about how much

00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:09.519
money they make and all that. You know what,

00:31:09.619 --> 00:31:18.299
we'll... Yeah. Yeah, that would be great. Yeah.

00:31:20.140 --> 00:31:37.900
Yeah. Uh -huh. Yeah, I know where you're talking

00:31:37.900 --> 00:31:46.309
about. Okay. Shawnee, I can't remember the name

00:31:46.309 --> 00:31:49.490
of it, but they have a lot of big bands there,

00:31:49.509 --> 00:31:57.170
too. Okay. I just announced the one because that's

00:31:57.170 --> 00:32:03.029
where I live. Okay. Okay. All right. You know

00:32:03.029 --> 00:32:05.089
what? I think I'm going to start coming this

00:32:05.089 --> 00:32:07.210
year when concert season comes back around in

00:32:07.210 --> 00:32:10.200
spring. and all these amphitheaters. I think

00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:12.519
I'm going to start doing a run of all the amphitheaters

00:32:12.519 --> 00:32:15.240
and doing what's playing there. You think that's

00:32:15.240 --> 00:32:17.680
a good idea? All the ones out in that area and

00:32:17.680 --> 00:32:22.359
all the ones, all points in between. So, I mean,

00:32:22.359 --> 00:32:25.460
Thunder Ridge, I've been keeping... If you've

00:32:25.460 --> 00:32:29.640
got time, do it, yeah. Well, I hope I do. I mean,

00:32:29.660 --> 00:32:31.880
I'm not doing a lot of stuff that I want to do

00:32:31.880 --> 00:32:34.660
on the podcast because I'm busy. I don't know.

00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:40.579
I get too many ideas. yeah i um i'm too creative

00:32:40.579 --> 00:32:43.460
if that sounds weird i get too much shit going

00:32:43.460 --> 00:32:46.119
on in my head and i want to do this and i lose

00:32:46.119 --> 00:32:48.380
track go no i want to do this and then i go back

00:32:48.380 --> 00:32:52.259
to doing that and if i could just like keep focused

00:32:52.259 --> 00:32:54.400
to one thing at a time i get a lot more done

00:32:54.400 --> 00:32:58.640
but my mind's too creative i mean it's not bragging

00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:00.400
or nothing i've always been like this it's kind

00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:02.619
of scattered i'll get this idea and that idea

00:33:02.619 --> 00:33:05.240
and this idea and they just all top on top of

00:33:05.240 --> 00:33:09.099
each other and I don't know, you know, I'm not

00:33:09.099 --> 00:33:10.740
going to take medicine for it or anything like

00:33:10.740 --> 00:33:14.720
that because I consider it a gift. But I get

00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:16.440
more done if I didn't have so many different

00:33:16.440 --> 00:33:22.259
thoughts. So, anyhow, let's see. Okay, you know

00:33:22.259 --> 00:33:24.660
Mike Patton of the Rockman Faith No More and

00:33:24.660 --> 00:33:28.940
Mr. Bungle? He had a serious allegation about

00:33:28.940 --> 00:33:35.019
him from Google AI. not being able to different

00:33:35.019 --> 00:33:39.559
different different i can't say it um between

00:33:39.559 --> 00:33:42.960
him uh between the sink it's going to be a fucking

00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:45.859
nightmare starting off like that in certain areas

00:33:45.859 --> 00:33:49.180
and it's going to get worse so um i got more

00:33:49.180 --> 00:34:14.570
but rob let's turn to you Okay. Okay. A black

00:34:14.570 --> 00:34:17.610
man in Texas was stunned to learn this week that

00:34:17.610 --> 00:34:21.909
he has paid more than $10 ,000 in child support

00:34:21.909 --> 00:34:26.050
for a five -year -old girl in Florida unrelated

00:34:26.050 --> 00:34:30.070
to him for the last three years, likely because

00:34:30.070 --> 00:34:33.710
his name and birth date are similar to those

00:34:33.710 --> 00:34:43.449
of the real father. Oh, boy. that he received

00:34:43.449 --> 00:34:47.190
a letter from the Texas Attorney General's Office

00:34:47.190 --> 00:34:50.170
of Child Support this week demanding $1 ,400

00:34:50.170 --> 00:34:55.130
in overdue child support for a child in Florida.

00:34:55.590 --> 00:35:00.250
He was stuck. He has no children in Florida and

00:35:00.250 --> 00:35:04.630
has never lived there. He does have two daughters

00:35:04.630 --> 00:35:55.739
in Texas, now 18 and 23. Wow. He was aware he

00:35:55.739 --> 00:35:59.119
was paying more overall for child support, but

00:35:59.119 --> 00:36:02.800
he chalked that up to the fact that he's received

00:36:02.800 --> 00:36:10.420
pay raises over the last few years that put him

00:36:10.420 --> 00:36:25.920
into a higher position. Mm hmm. Wow. So, OK,

00:36:26.099 --> 00:36:29.980
does it say, does it say Florida? Oh, OK. So

00:36:29.980 --> 00:36:38.860
now we get on to the mother. OK. After visiting

00:36:38.860 --> 00:37:12.969
the Texas agent. They don't hear together or

00:37:12.969 --> 00:37:19.869
whatever. This is crazy, said Shakita Harvey,

00:37:20.070 --> 00:37:23.869
38, a clothing designer who lives in Lake Alfred,

00:37:24.070 --> 00:37:28.030
Florida. Somehow Florida and Texas linked these

00:37:28.030 --> 00:37:32.789
cases without verifying any identity or paternity

00:37:32.789 --> 00:37:36.829
information. This man has been paying diligently

00:37:36.829 --> 00:37:42.110
for my child all this time. What a mess. The

00:37:42.110 --> 00:37:46.949
real father of her child, she said, is Roderick

00:37:46.949 --> 00:37:52.269
Dwayne Davis, who is 44 and also has a September

00:37:52.269 --> 00:37:55.670
birthday. He lives in Mississippi, has never

00:37:55.670 --> 00:37:59.909
lived in Texas to her knowledge. She had been

00:37:59.909 --> 00:38:03.269
puzzled as to why she'd been receiving child

00:38:03.269 --> 00:38:06.469
support payments from Texas, but didn't question

00:38:06.469 --> 00:38:14.320
it. She said, but her daughter talks to him and

00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:18.900
his mother via her own phone. Well, here's the

00:38:18.900 --> 00:38:26.260
thing. They had the same name. It's just the

00:38:26.260 --> 00:38:31.059
Wayne's were spelled differently. Wow. So kind

00:38:31.059 --> 00:38:50.730
of like Mike Patton. Okay, just slightly different

00:38:50.730 --> 00:39:18.059
front at first. Wow. Okay. Wow. Okay. Who knows?

00:39:18.179 --> 00:39:25.739
Yeah. Yeah. He's taking her. It was her biological

00:39:25.739 --> 00:39:32.219
dad. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Now this guy, you know,

00:39:32.219 --> 00:39:36.639
that mother and him are demanding his money back.

00:39:36.820 --> 00:39:39.500
Yeah. That's what I was going to ask is, um,

00:39:39.500 --> 00:39:42.860
okay. Is, uh, Florida going to reimburse him?

00:39:49.860 --> 00:39:52.539
Yeah, well, you would think that they would because,

00:39:52.619 --> 00:39:54.739
okay, the lady didn't know she deserved that

00:39:54.739 --> 00:39:56.840
child support. So it's up to Florida to go to

00:39:56.840 --> 00:40:00.019
the real father and shake him down for the money.

00:40:00.059 --> 00:40:02.099
And then they need to pay the other guy back,

00:40:02.239 --> 00:40:04.420
the guy who is not the father that they thought

00:40:04.420 --> 00:40:07.019
was. They need to pay him his money back immediately

00:40:07.019 --> 00:40:10.860
and then go after the real father is what I think.

00:40:11.039 --> 00:40:15.519
Yeah, they need to give that guy his money back

00:40:15.519 --> 00:40:20.039
immediately. Wow. Okay, all right. My opinion.

00:40:20.219 --> 00:40:22.980
Same here. Same here, Rob. I agree with it 100%.

00:40:22.980 --> 00:40:27.880
So, all right. Thank you, Rob. I'm going to take

00:40:27.880 --> 00:40:30.659
our first break, and then I got some emails and

00:40:30.659 --> 00:40:33.960
an interesting featured email that I'd like to

00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:37.639
go into. All right, sir. Great news, assholes.

00:40:38.260 --> 00:40:41.659
You can now email the douches anytime, anywhere.

00:40:42.659 --> 00:40:45.519
In the middle of a job interview. No big deal.

00:40:45.980 --> 00:40:49.619
Taking a bath? No problems there. Captain Hanson,

00:40:49.719 --> 00:40:53.519
easy as pie. Just send it to twodouchesatmail

00:40:53.519 --> 00:40:56.699
.com. Do it now, pussies, or I'll smash you in

00:40:56.699 --> 00:41:00.480
the junk. Since the dawn of time, weird shit

00:41:00.480 --> 00:41:03.360
has happened. Strange occurrences, unexplained

00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:06.619
phobias, and other odd happenings. Over the next

00:41:06.619 --> 00:41:08.820
minute, we would like to bring you odd, rare

00:41:08.820 --> 00:41:13.059
phobias and conditions. Hutchinson -Gilford Progeria

00:41:13.059 --> 00:41:16.739
Syndrome. Cases known on Earth 100 to possibly

00:41:16.739 --> 00:41:20.159
150. This causes young children to age quickly,

00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:23.179
such as hair loss, thin, fragile skin, and cardiovascular

00:41:23.179 --> 00:41:26.119
issues, while the child's mental capacity stays

00:41:26.119 --> 00:41:29.260
the same. There is unknown cure and very little

00:41:29.260 --> 00:41:32.079
treatment options. Now, from his underground

00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:35.079
bunker in Camden, Missouri, a stock full of dried

00:41:35.079 --> 00:41:37.639
goods, canned food, and a couple of vibrating

00:41:37.639 --> 00:41:41.920
toys, is Ramblings of a Madman, featuring Rob

00:41:41.920 --> 00:41:46.260
Rad. All those who believe in psychokinesis.

00:41:47.079 --> 00:41:52.800
Raise my hand. That needs to happen. Hey everybody,

00:41:53.079 --> 00:41:55.920
this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some

00:41:55.920 --> 00:41:59.840
tips for life. Always answer the phone with,

00:41:59.920 --> 00:42:04.800
I have 1%. I will hang on as long as I can. That

00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:07.400
way, if it's someone you don't want to talk to,

00:42:07.639 --> 00:42:13.300
look off mid -sentence and you're done. Our constant

00:42:13.300 --> 00:42:16.539
pursuit for a real knee slapper, it's strange

00:42:16.539 --> 00:42:20.630
in... Insults from an alien. Real hilarity. Hey,

00:42:20.630 --> 00:42:23.030
your chair. Produce a sound similar to a fart,

00:42:23.110 --> 00:42:25.309
but only once. Such that you cannot reproduce

00:42:25.309 --> 00:42:38.690
it and prove that it was just the chair. Hi,

00:42:38.849 --> 00:42:43.889
all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous

00:42:43.889 --> 00:42:52.400
city in... Oh yeah, this is Kansas City here.

00:42:52.559 --> 00:42:55.280
Hold my beer, bitch. Ms. Gulkenstein was tired

00:42:55.280 --> 00:42:57.840
of Mark and Toe for making sport of her. Little

00:42:57.840 --> 00:43:00.059
did the douchebags know, Ms. Gulkenstein was

00:43:00.059 --> 00:43:02.380
a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.

00:43:02.960 --> 00:43:06.780
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing

00:43:06.780 --> 00:43:11.480
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to

00:43:11.480 --> 00:43:13.460
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.

00:43:13.860 --> 00:43:17.659
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin

00:43:17.659 --> 00:43:23.530
monkey. be very quiet we're gonna listen in as

00:43:23.530 --> 00:43:25.909
rob the capuchin monkey tries to sell the rest

00:43:25.909 --> 00:43:28.809
of the capuchin monkeys amway rob has always

00:43:28.809 --> 00:43:32.150
dreamed of becoming a diamond status amway as

00:43:32.150 --> 00:43:55.440
a capuchin monkey Little did our hero Rob know.

00:43:56.139 --> 00:43:58.820
All the great apes owned stock in Sam's Club

00:43:58.820 --> 00:44:01.019
and became violently pissed off when he tried

00:44:01.019 --> 00:44:03.539
to infringe on their territory. They promptly

00:44:03.539 --> 00:44:05.719
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days

00:44:05.719 --> 00:44:09.760
straight. Rob could not sit down. Please remember

00:44:09.760 --> 00:44:12.280
to go to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes,

00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:15.260
and scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!

00:44:20.500 --> 00:44:22.920
So he won't prove it. that we love you here at

00:44:22.920 --> 00:44:25.880
QD Spades and Microfilm Central. Here's a group

00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:28.019
right here. How about the drink of the week?

00:44:29.400 --> 00:44:33.179
Pistachio Martini seems in order. Start off with

00:44:33.179 --> 00:44:37.260
two ounces vanilla vodka. One ounce pistachio

00:44:37.260 --> 00:44:41.280
liqueur. One ounce heavy cream. One half ounce

00:44:41.280 --> 00:44:44.460
simple syrup. One ounce of heavy cream chill

00:44:44.460 --> 00:44:47.539
martini glass in freezer for ten minutes. Dip

00:44:47.539 --> 00:44:50.219
the chilled glass rim in the simple syrup, then

00:44:50.219 --> 00:44:53.599
rub the rim in crushed pistachios. Fill a cocktail

00:44:53.599 --> 00:44:56.619
shaker with the vodka, liqueur, heavy cream,

00:44:56.699 --> 00:44:59.920
and simple syrup in the shaker. Shake vigorously,

00:45:00.019 --> 00:45:03.519
then strain the contents into the glass. You

00:45:03.519 --> 00:45:06.380
may garnish the rim of the martini glass with

00:45:06.380 --> 00:45:10.179
a sliced lemon and an olive, possibly. Drink

00:45:10.179 --> 00:45:22.030
up, bitches. Two douchebags and a microphone.

00:45:22.150 --> 00:45:25.889
I'm Mark, here in the Kansas City area, at the

00:45:25.889 --> 00:45:28.849
Talk is Cheap studio, and I make goat noises.

00:45:31.090 --> 00:45:36.690
And I am Rob, in Wheatland, Missouri, home of

00:45:36.690 --> 00:45:40.289
the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and Water

00:45:40.289 --> 00:45:45.889
Track, and also home of Hickamo's General Store,

00:45:46.150 --> 00:45:53.579
which is a Sinclair and... Oh, I got to take

00:45:53.579 --> 00:45:58.039
my picture there. In the Doug Blythe studio.

00:45:58.760 --> 00:46:02.500
Yeah, I got to take my mug right next to the

00:46:02.500 --> 00:46:04.659
big green Dino. I do that in Lamar. I forgot

00:46:04.659 --> 00:46:07.599
to tell you about that. Yes, they have the big

00:46:07.599 --> 00:46:10.960
green dinosaur up. Oh, good, good. You know,

00:46:11.019 --> 00:46:13.139
every time I go to Eureka Springs and I travel

00:46:13.139 --> 00:46:17.599
down 7149, I go to the one in Lamar, Missouri.

00:46:18.090 --> 00:46:20.570
i think it's called lamartes it's a sinclair

00:46:20.570 --> 00:46:24.130
and i always take my uh my selfie with the with

00:46:24.130 --> 00:46:28.750
the dinosaur so um all right um we got some emails

00:46:28.750 --> 00:46:33.090
first one hey guys how about more crumb olympics

00:46:33.090 --> 00:46:37.869
i love that segment trey and tucson yeah i'll

00:46:37.869 --> 00:46:41.630
get on it and that sound okay rob it's been a

00:46:41.630 --> 00:46:45.889
while i'll have to find some more crumbs Yeah,

00:46:45.889 --> 00:46:51.190
and basically it is like some desserts and foods,

00:46:51.349 --> 00:46:54.230
the crumbs are better than the actual food. And

00:46:54.230 --> 00:46:56.730
that's where a crumb off, the Crumb Olympics,

00:46:56.989 --> 00:47:00.769
is needed. And we get to judge these crumbs and

00:47:00.769 --> 00:47:03.809
figure out which ones are better. And we'll eventually

00:47:03.809 --> 00:47:06.590
have a grand champion. But right now, we're in

00:47:06.590 --> 00:47:09.130
the middle of it, and we paused it, just like

00:47:09.130 --> 00:47:11.250
the ass paddlers. I need to get back to them.

00:47:11.329 --> 00:47:13.690
I got some complaints. So, all right, we'll get

00:47:13.690 --> 00:47:19.019
to it. All right. Rob, thank you, Trey, in Tucson.

00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:24.000
Yes, thank you, Trey. Rob, is Highway 54 RV Park

00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:28.199
only for the racetrack customers? Wally in Wichita.

00:47:29.780 --> 00:47:36.440
No, it is not. But they have a lot of rules.

00:47:36.840 --> 00:47:40.840
I mean, it's a clean place. They want to keep

00:47:40.840 --> 00:47:47.519
it clean. No riffraff. It's like RV campers,

00:47:47.519 --> 00:47:51.760
like Fitzwheels, whatever, you know. It is a

00:47:51.760 --> 00:47:59.340
nice place. It really is. Well, yeah. It sounds

00:47:59.340 --> 00:48:01.159
to me like you got to book it early. Is that

00:48:01.159 --> 00:48:05.739
it? No, actually, it's pretty well dead. Oh,

00:48:05.739 --> 00:48:09.940
okay. I'm looking at it right now. Okay, I guess

00:48:09.940 --> 00:48:14.460
not. It's January, man. Summertime? No, that's

00:48:14.460 --> 00:48:16.599
what I'm saying. If you're going to come in the

00:48:16.599 --> 00:48:19.460
summertime, I would book early, to be honest.

00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:23.420
Yeah. Seriously. Seriously. Especially if you're

00:48:23.420 --> 00:48:26.900
coming for the races. The races eats it up. Wally

00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:28.960
didn't say this, but I have a feeling it's for

00:48:28.960 --> 00:48:34.159
the races. But, anyhow. No, it's a pretty big

00:48:34.159 --> 00:48:36.820
place. I mean, there's a lot of camping areas.

00:48:37.059 --> 00:48:40.940
And they also have a naked area in back. No.

00:48:41.159 --> 00:48:43.639
Oh, okay. I must have been in another place.

00:48:43.900 --> 00:48:49.099
Sorry. Okay. All right. Next one. Hey, Mark,

00:48:49.199 --> 00:48:51.539
do you have the old segment about the concrete

00:48:51.539 --> 00:48:54.440
company that you worked at? Or just direct me

00:48:54.440 --> 00:48:57.880
to what episode it would be in. Thanks. Rossington

00:48:57.880 --> 00:49:01.679
in Texas. Ross, thank you. Thank you, Rossington.

00:49:02.079 --> 00:49:04.360
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where that fucking psychotic

00:49:04.360 --> 00:49:07.360
guy I worked with, he used to, they'd have concrete

00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:09.980
dust on the floor and he would flip out his fucking

00:49:09.980 --> 00:49:12.400
penis and just piss on it and it would harden

00:49:12.400 --> 00:49:15.059
up so he didn't have to like try to sweep it

00:49:15.059 --> 00:49:16.880
up and the dust would be everywhere. He'd wait

00:49:16.880 --> 00:49:19.639
for it to harden up after he pissed on it and

00:49:19.639 --> 00:49:21.739
it would harden up and he'd take the scoop shovel

00:49:21.739 --> 00:49:25.639
and throw it in the trash. And then whenever

00:49:25.639 --> 00:49:27.480
the bosses come around and go, what's that smell?

00:49:27.539 --> 00:49:29.420
I go, oh, it's that chemical that we put in the

00:49:29.420 --> 00:49:31.159
concrete over there. It smells horrible. And

00:49:31.159 --> 00:49:33.559
they're like, yeah, it does. Jeez, man, I didn't

00:49:33.559 --> 00:49:35.199
know it smelled that bad. And we're all like,

00:49:35.219 --> 00:49:39.420
yeah, sure does. Horrible, horrible. He's psychotic.

00:49:41.559 --> 00:49:44.000
Okay, anyhow, I love the guy, though. I'd like

00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:47.800
to know what happened to him. Let's see. Oh,

00:49:47.900 --> 00:49:52.000
Ross, I'll find it. And I will put it on one

00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:55.219
of these episodes because I cannot tell you what

00:49:55.219 --> 00:49:57.699
episode it's on. But I have all the old ones

00:49:57.699 --> 00:50:01.719
and the ones in between. So it's on. I'll have

00:50:01.719 --> 00:50:04.739
to do some thinking. I'll find it. I should have

00:50:04.739 --> 00:50:06.760
better records than this, I know. But I don't.

00:50:06.760 --> 00:50:11.300
So, all right. Rob, what is your favorite sport?

00:50:11.440 --> 00:50:14.480
We all know Marxist football. Ronnie and Tulsa.

00:50:14.500 --> 00:50:21.679
D. Tulsa. King. Honestly, mine's got to be football

00:50:21.679 --> 00:50:26.860
also. Even though I've been so busy this year,

00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:32.880
I've watched one quarter of a Chiefs game. That

00:50:32.880 --> 00:50:36.099
is all the football I have watched this season.

00:50:36.219 --> 00:50:38.300
Just as well this season, Rob. You picked a good

00:50:38.300 --> 00:50:40.380
season to not have time to watch them, I can

00:50:40.380 --> 00:50:44.579
tell you that. Well, I watch more than just Chiefs.

00:50:44.579 --> 00:50:49.210
I watch them all. No, I do too. Like the San

00:50:49.210 --> 00:50:51.969
Francisco game I just watched against Philly,

00:50:51.989 --> 00:50:54.489
that game couldn't have gone any better. I'd

00:50:54.489 --> 00:50:57.570
be watching all of them too. It's just that I

00:50:57.570 --> 00:51:00.849
don't have TV capability right now. And I've

00:51:00.849 --> 00:51:06.030
been so busy because me and Princess met and

00:51:06.030 --> 00:51:13.440
we got married and Christmas. I just have not

00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:17.400
had time this year to enjoy any football, which

00:51:17.400 --> 00:51:22.599
is shocking for me, honestly. I would like to

00:51:22.599 --> 00:51:25.559
say this, though. No back -to -back for Philly.

00:51:25.719 --> 00:51:32.039
Ha ha! Eat a bowl of shit stew, Philly. All right.

00:51:32.159 --> 00:51:35.039
Yeah, I haven't even paid up kitchen. I didn't

00:51:35.039 --> 00:51:37.260
even know that. Fuck them. I'm glad they're out.

00:51:37.699 --> 00:51:41.889
All right. Mark, a long time ago you mentioned

00:51:41.889 --> 00:51:44.030
that you used to have a large beer can collection.

00:51:44.289 --> 00:51:47.429
Do you still have it? Jesse in Seattle. I didn't

00:51:47.429 --> 00:51:50.630
know I ever mentioned that on the show. Yeah,

00:51:50.650 --> 00:51:52.849
I used to, and I don't know what I did with it.

00:51:52.909 --> 00:51:55.829
I mean, I had every kind of... No, actually,

00:51:56.250 --> 00:52:00.429
I think one night you did mention it. Oh, I did?

00:52:00.570 --> 00:52:07.429
Okay. I think you did. Yeah, because it's ringing

00:52:07.429 --> 00:52:10.960
a bell. Okay. Well, you remember stuff better

00:52:10.960 --> 00:52:13.619
than I do. It's only been, what, over three years.

00:52:14.019 --> 00:52:17.980
Yeah, yeah. And actually, you know what, Rob?

00:52:18.019 --> 00:52:20.059
I think you're right. I forgot what we were talking

00:52:20.059 --> 00:52:23.219
about. Someone had a weird collection. We were

00:52:23.219 --> 00:52:25.519
talking about it. Yeah, and you mentioned your

00:52:25.519 --> 00:52:29.719
beer can. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did.

00:52:29.820 --> 00:52:32.679
I did. Okay. I don't know what happened to it.

00:52:33.440 --> 00:52:36.980
Jesse in Seattle. I have no... That was wrong.

00:52:37.360 --> 00:52:40.599
yeah i and i was so proud of that thing too i

00:52:40.599 --> 00:52:42.739
wish i had it today i wish i knew what i did

00:52:42.739 --> 00:52:45.920
with it but obviously it's gone uh both houses

00:52:45.920 --> 00:52:48.639
that i were at have been sold well one of them

00:52:48.639 --> 00:52:51.760
tore down the other one sold um so there's no

00:52:51.760 --> 00:52:54.019
there's no hope in ever getting it back it's

00:52:54.019 --> 00:52:57.030
gone for good but I would love to have that.

00:52:57.090 --> 00:53:02.929
I had so many rare beer cans, old ones. But anyhow,

00:53:03.150 --> 00:53:06.230
when I was a teenager or a little bit younger,

00:53:06.449 --> 00:53:10.750
I used to go to these old sheds out in the middle

00:53:10.750 --> 00:53:13.650
of nowhere, and I'd find the beer cans in there.

00:53:13.809 --> 00:53:16.170
And there would be, like, one of the ones that

00:53:16.170 --> 00:53:18.949
I found that I was really proud of was Mule Bock

00:53:18.949 --> 00:53:22.809
beer from Kansas City. It was only sold in Kansas

00:53:22.809 --> 00:53:26.820
City. I remember that. Yeah, and it's named after

00:53:26.820 --> 00:53:29.619
the hotel. It's the same family. They had the

00:53:29.619 --> 00:53:32.139
Muehlbach Hotel, which was the ritzy hotel back

00:53:32.139 --> 00:53:35.340
in the 40s and 50s in Kansas City. And they had

00:53:35.340 --> 00:53:38.119
Muehlbach Beer, which was a great beer only sold

00:53:38.119 --> 00:53:40.940
around here. And I was digging through one of

00:53:40.940 --> 00:53:43.219
the old sheds, and I found a perfect pristine

00:53:43.219 --> 00:53:46.039
can of it. And it's worth a lot of money, but

00:53:46.039 --> 00:53:48.119
that's another one that I lost when I lost the

00:53:48.119 --> 00:53:51.000
collection. So, Jesse, thank you for your concern.

00:53:51.139 --> 00:53:55.219
I wish I had it, but I don't. And thank you,

00:53:55.219 --> 00:53:58.159
Jesse, for being a longtime listener because

00:53:58.159 --> 00:54:02.019
it's been a while since he mentioned that. Oh,

00:54:02.179 --> 00:54:05.119
yeah, yeah. You know what? You're right. It is

00:54:05.119 --> 00:54:07.940
probably, I think I mentioned that when you and

00:54:07.940 --> 00:54:10.500
I first started doing the podcast together. Yeah,

00:54:10.619 --> 00:54:14.260
it was probably a year or two ago. Yeah. Jesse,

00:54:14.380 --> 00:54:16.719
yeah, yeah. Thank you, Rob. That's a great point.

00:54:16.820 --> 00:54:20.059
Jesse, thank you so much for being such a good

00:54:20.059 --> 00:54:23.449
listener. Appreciate it. We'll send you a bag

00:54:23.449 --> 00:54:27.269
of air as a thank you. That sound good, Rob?

00:54:29.130 --> 00:54:34.489
Whatever you say, Mark. Okay. All right. More

00:54:34.489 --> 00:54:37.349
police blotter, please. I love the dumb criminal

00:54:37.349 --> 00:54:41.889
segment. Tessa in Omaha. Tessa, you're in luck.

00:54:42.030 --> 00:54:45.750
I have three or four more ones. And there's more

00:54:45.750 --> 00:54:54.559
to come because... Well, you're going to have

00:54:54.559 --> 00:54:57.840
to because I got the idea from you, Rob. I got

00:54:57.840 --> 00:54:59.719
the idea from you. Yeah, that's what I figured.

00:55:00.119 --> 00:55:01.920
Yeah, I was like, man, you know what? We need

00:55:01.920 --> 00:55:03.940
that regularly. So I was like, okay, well, I

00:55:03.940 --> 00:55:06.440
guess I could do a segment. And I loved it so

00:55:06.440 --> 00:55:09.780
much. Fuck every radio show has a stupid criminal.

00:55:10.480 --> 00:55:12.840
Yeah, yeah. You know what? We're no different

00:55:12.840 --> 00:55:15.559
here. We do stupid criminals. We feature them

00:55:15.559 --> 00:55:21.710
because they are entertaining. So, Tessa. that's

00:55:21.710 --> 00:55:24.829
right and tessa thank you in omaha love omaha

00:55:24.829 --> 00:55:28.090
you ever go to the old market area well email

00:55:28.090 --> 00:55:30.710
me back the old market area in omaha is fantastic

00:55:30.710 --> 00:55:33.909
but the best part is fred the talking bridge

00:55:33.909 --> 00:55:37.289
and i'm not kidding you the name is well she

00:55:37.289 --> 00:55:39.869
needs to go back and hear about listen to my

00:55:39.869 --> 00:55:45.869
experience oh wait i remember that and the tornadoes

00:55:45.869 --> 00:55:48.369
and all that good shit yeah and getting stolen

00:55:48.369 --> 00:55:53.389
from and yeah all that all that fun shit um well

00:55:53.389 --> 00:55:56.110
my experience there was good and bad this is

00:55:56.110 --> 00:55:58.650
another concert that was canceled without anybody

00:55:59.800 --> 00:56:02.900
telling me anything i didn't have the uh ticket

00:56:02.900 --> 00:56:04.940
server tell me or anything i drove all the way

00:56:04.940 --> 00:56:08.579
up to omaha to see the gene simmons band and

00:56:08.579 --> 00:56:11.360
this is when uh kiss's uh end of the road was

00:56:11.360 --> 00:56:15.920
on a hiatus but it was canceled and nobody told

00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:17.780
me nobody sent me an email or nothing i drive

00:56:17.780 --> 00:56:20.320
all the way up there and it was supposed to be

00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:23.260
at their orchestra center um their performing

00:56:23.260 --> 00:56:26.679
arts center which is beautiful uh warren buffett

00:56:26.679 --> 00:56:31.000
i think um had a lot to do with it Um, so I,

00:56:31.059 --> 00:56:35.880
I was going to go there. Yes. And I drove all

00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:39.119
the way up there for nothing. Yeah. I'd done

00:56:39.119 --> 00:56:41.400
that for a couple other concerts too. So, uh,

00:56:41.519 --> 00:56:44.760
anyhow, I, the, the lady there at the box office

00:56:44.760 --> 00:56:47.360
felt so bad for me. She let me go up to a private

00:56:47.360 --> 00:56:51.340
party on the roof because I drove all the way

00:56:51.340 --> 00:56:54.159
and I got free drinks for a couple hours. She's

00:56:54.159 --> 00:56:56.679
like, I'm so sorry. And she goes, you know what?

00:56:57.260 --> 00:56:59.300
She goes, everybody up there, you know, is just

00:56:59.300 --> 00:57:02.139
like a bunch of people that like helped us during

00:57:02.139 --> 00:57:04.719
the year and everything. We throw a little party

00:57:04.719 --> 00:57:07.559
for them every year. Go up there. No one will

00:57:07.559 --> 00:57:09.440
know you're not supposed to be there. Just go

00:57:09.440 --> 00:57:11.420
up there, have a few drinks, enjoy yourself.

00:57:11.559 --> 00:57:14.219
We're sorry about all the problems. And I'm like,

00:57:14.239 --> 00:57:16.920
sure. And it wasn't even their fault, you know?

00:57:17.460 --> 00:57:19.920
So I was like, cool. She was very cool. So I

00:57:19.920 --> 00:57:25.179
went up there. it is that rooftop bar and patio

00:57:25.179 --> 00:57:27.440
was really neat i was sitting in a big recliner

00:57:27.440 --> 00:57:30.739
looking off of that off of that building looking

00:57:30.739 --> 00:57:34.260
at all the other skyscrapers um and and you know

00:57:34.260 --> 00:57:37.340
the old market area which is right below us it

00:57:37.340 --> 00:57:41.920
was great so anyhow um all right uh look like

00:57:41.920 --> 00:57:44.360
you guys have mitch figured out well good job

00:57:44.360 --> 00:57:47.880
he's an annoying fuck jim and casey we didn't

00:57:47.880 --> 00:57:51.570
say that mitch jim and casey did Yeah, he's been...

00:57:51.570 --> 00:57:55.250
Yeah, yeah. It was Jim, not us. Yep, and also,

00:57:55.309 --> 00:57:57.750
I think he ghosted us. I sent him a message going,

00:57:57.829 --> 00:58:00.789
hey, dude, you know, you said you want to come

00:58:00.789 --> 00:58:05.909
on the show. You figured him out. Yeah, I...

00:58:05.909 --> 00:58:09.389
Yeah, he... I don't know if we'll ever hear from

00:58:09.389 --> 00:58:12.929
him again. I don't think he ever remembered that

00:58:12.929 --> 00:58:15.449
story about, you know, he was in the backseat

00:58:15.449 --> 00:58:18.260
with the girl that he was talking about. And

00:58:18.260 --> 00:58:20.880
I don't think he remembered that until I said

00:58:20.880 --> 00:58:23.179
something. And now I think he's mad again. But,

00:58:23.239 --> 00:58:26.440
oh, well, whatever. So, Mitch, if you answer,

00:58:26.559 --> 00:58:28.599
great. If you don't, then good luck. And where

00:58:28.599 --> 00:58:33.760
is he moving to? Montana or Wyoming, right? If

00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:37.260
it's true. Yeah, who knows? He's probably still

00:58:37.260 --> 00:58:40.460
in Freeman. He's in Freeman jerking off to fucking

00:58:40.460 --> 00:58:43.659
bass porn. I don't know. Yeah, but I love him.

00:58:43.860 --> 00:58:47.110
I do, too. Even though he's a dick. All right.

00:58:48.610 --> 00:58:51.849
You want to go to our featured email here? Yeah,

00:58:51.869 --> 00:58:54.289
let's do that. And I knew this. You know what?

00:58:54.329 --> 00:58:57.889
I re -listened to last week's show, and I knew

00:58:57.889 --> 00:59:00.150
this was going to come up. I knew it, because

00:59:00.150 --> 00:59:02.989
this is the way people think. Is it on you or

00:59:02.989 --> 00:59:07.289
me? On me. Usually I don't respond to this type

00:59:07.289 --> 00:59:09.849
of bullshit, but I'm going to on this to make

00:59:09.849 --> 00:59:12.989
sure I'm not misunderstood only. Not because

00:59:12.989 --> 00:59:16.570
this dumbass is accusing me. Alright, Mark, who

00:59:16.570 --> 00:59:19.989
were you referring to as the real criminals at

00:59:19.989 --> 00:59:23.349
Walmart on your last podcast? That proves what

00:59:23.349 --> 00:59:26.150
you're really about. Next time, you should just

00:59:26.150 --> 00:59:28.630
keep your mouth shut on situations like that.

00:59:28.730 --> 00:59:32.869
That was an obvious bigoted statement. Jackie

00:59:32.869 --> 00:59:39.889
in Manchester. Okay, Jackie, you thought what

00:59:39.889 --> 00:59:43.309
I was saying. You were wrong. about what i was

00:59:43.309 --> 00:59:47.449
saying and let me explain all right i was speaking

00:59:47.449 --> 00:59:50.590
about the pack of high school students that come

00:59:50.590 --> 00:59:53.489
in there and terrorize the store they all group

00:59:53.489 --> 00:59:55.710
together and apparently steal the store blind

00:59:55.710 --> 00:59:59.789
and this is what everybody there was saying the

00:59:59.789 --> 01:00:04.730
people that work there so and also if you really

01:00:04.730 --> 01:00:06.849
want to really feel good about the whole thing

01:00:06.849 --> 01:00:10.369
again it was every color a kid you could imagine

01:00:10.369 --> 01:00:14.780
every shape and form and sex that you could imagine

01:00:14.780 --> 01:00:20.340
so it was not one single type of anything that

01:00:20.340 --> 01:00:23.260
was the criminal element so if that makes you

01:00:23.260 --> 01:00:25.579
feel better and makes you think that i didn't

01:00:25.579 --> 01:00:28.179
say a bigoted statement then good but if you

01:00:28.179 --> 01:00:30.260
don't believe it i don't necessarily fucking

01:00:30.260 --> 01:00:32.940
care like i said i wasn't even going to respond

01:00:32.940 --> 01:00:36.139
to this but after i listened to it i was like

01:00:36.139 --> 01:00:38.539
some motherfucker's gonna think i said something

01:00:38.539 --> 01:00:44.079
else and i was right okay Okay, okay. Can I interject

01:00:44.079 --> 01:00:50.539
in this? Absolutely. Jackie, look it up. Look

01:00:50.539 --> 01:00:53.340
his story up. That's what we tell everybody.

01:00:53.559 --> 01:00:56.139
If you don't believe us, look it up. Yeah, yeah.

01:00:56.320 --> 01:01:00.719
Okay, and I did look that story up, and he is

01:01:00.719 --> 01:01:04.800
right. It was not one, it wasn't just black.

01:01:05.079 --> 01:01:08.739
It was black, white, male, female. It was everybody.

01:01:09.550 --> 01:01:12.809
That was all different. It drives me nuts that

01:01:12.809 --> 01:01:14.949
people always try to read into something and

01:01:14.949 --> 01:01:18.030
make it some sort of narrative. Don't. Can't

01:01:18.030 --> 01:01:20.110
you just have a story that doesn't have a narrative

01:01:20.110 --> 01:01:24.590
like that? I don't think any type of people are

01:01:24.590 --> 01:01:27.969
a particular problem on the world. I think there's

01:01:27.969 --> 01:01:30.590
problems with every type of person on the world.

01:01:30.769 --> 01:01:33.889
There's issues with everything. There's issues

01:01:33.889 --> 01:01:36.210
with all different types of people. You don't

01:01:36.210 --> 01:01:38.349
have to be one type of person to have all the

01:01:38.349 --> 01:01:43.070
problems. We all do. We all do. So, anyhow, Jackie,

01:01:43.269 --> 01:01:47.909
thanks for the accusation. And you too can fuck

01:01:47.909 --> 01:01:51.780
off. All right, Rob, let's... Turn that to you.

01:01:54.460 --> 01:02:03.280
Well... Oh, yeah. You know the sound. God, that

01:02:03.280 --> 01:02:08.699
was gross. I need to change my bag of garbage.

01:02:09.699 --> 01:02:40.639
Oh. Okay, first up tonight. In 1994, Oh. Oh.

01:02:52.909 --> 01:03:01.250
the end. Okay, I did not research to find out

01:03:01.250 --> 01:03:06.250
what she got out of that, but I'll see what comes

01:03:06.250 --> 01:03:15.250
up. Wow. You know, McDonald's should have done

01:03:15.250 --> 01:03:18.010
the right thing and paid for it. Yeah, should

01:03:18.010 --> 01:03:26.190
have. Well, has complained about for many many

01:03:26.190 --> 01:03:29.989
years it was always too hot for me i mean it

01:03:29.989 --> 01:03:31.670
was the kind of coffee that you had to leave

01:03:31.670 --> 01:03:33.929
the lid off and i said a half hour before you

01:03:33.929 --> 01:03:41.650
take a drink yeah yep yeah so okay let's go on

01:03:41.650 --> 01:03:54.849
further reach what do you say i say do it Okay.

01:03:56.570 --> 01:04:04.090
In April 2006, a devastating rock fall at Tasmania's

01:04:04.090 --> 01:04:08.670
Beaconsfield gold mine left miners Brent Webb

01:04:08.670 --> 01:04:13.329
and Todd Russell trapped nearly a kilometer underground

01:04:13.329 --> 01:04:28.559
for two harrowing weeks. Oh, wow. Feels reasonable.

01:04:29.400 --> 01:04:33.019
When Bump Man and Dave Grohl learned of their

01:04:33.019 --> 01:04:38.019
situation, he sent a fax message of encouragement

01:04:38.019 --> 01:04:42.719
promising each minor tickets to any boot fighter

01:04:42.719 --> 01:04:47.300
show of their choice plus two cold beers once

01:04:47.300 --> 01:04:52.119
they were safely out. That's cool. On May 9,

01:04:52.300 --> 01:05:00.030
2006, Bump Man was rescued alive. shared a drink

01:05:00.030 --> 01:05:04.530
with him and the band paid tribute to the experience

01:05:04.530 --> 01:05:10.849
with an instrumental track titled Ballad of Beaconsfield

01:05:10.849 --> 01:05:18.590
Minors. Oh, wow. That's cool. That is very cool.

01:05:18.750 --> 01:05:23.289
That is cool. Yep, I agree. I mean, I've always

01:05:23.289 --> 01:05:28.519
been a Dave Grohl fan as a person. And that right

01:05:28.519 --> 01:05:33.780
there proves it, you know. Yeah, I agree. Yep,

01:05:35.099 --> 01:05:38.519
100%, dude. Yeah, Dave Grohl, I've always liked

01:05:38.519 --> 01:05:44.880
him. And that is Rob's bag of garbage for this

01:05:44.880 --> 01:05:47.219
evening. All right, thank you, Rob. Let's take

01:05:47.219 --> 01:05:49.239
our second break, and I got a little story I'll

01:05:49.239 --> 01:05:50.920
go into, and then we'll go into some more of

01:05:50.920 --> 01:05:54.239
your stuff. That sound like a plan? Oh, what?

01:05:55.440 --> 01:05:58.869
Sounds good. Two douchebags and microphone in

01:05:58.869 --> 01:06:02.030
an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

01:06:02.030 --> 01:06:08.269
you first world problems. What in the devil?

01:06:08.570 --> 01:06:11.650
My bank is really out of calendars. What do they

01:06:11.650 --> 01:06:14.130
expect me to do? Go to Walmart and buy a $3 calendar?

01:06:14.590 --> 01:06:18.809
This is complete bullshit. I am outraged. Hello,

01:06:18.909 --> 01:06:22.750
this is Phineas J. Valtaris III. I'm here to

01:06:22.750 --> 01:06:29.539
deliver your music news this evening. Faith No

01:06:29.539 --> 01:06:32.420
More and Mr. Bungle lead singer Mike Patton was

01:06:32.420 --> 01:06:35.239
falsely identified as a sexual predator in Ohio.

01:06:35.619 --> 01:06:38.679
A person that has Mike's same name confused Google

01:06:38.679 --> 01:06:41.260
AI and then identified the singer as a predator.

01:06:41.460 --> 01:06:44.300
Mike Patton, the singer, is working on getting

01:06:44.300 --> 01:06:46.300
the false information scrubbed off the internet.

01:06:46.920 --> 01:06:50.840
This is only the tip of the iceberg. This is

01:06:50.840 --> 01:06:55.539
Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been your

01:06:55.539 --> 01:06:58.699
music news for this evening. I have one burning

01:06:58.699 --> 01:07:02.059
question for you all. Do people really skip around

01:07:02.059 --> 01:07:07.840
the Maypole? Next up, things overheard in hell.

01:07:08.300 --> 01:07:11.179
Dishwater has the top ten spots on Billboard

01:07:11.179 --> 01:07:16.079
Hot 100. Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh,

01:07:16.079 --> 01:07:20.360
my God. I think we're safe. Oh, no. It's an island

01:07:20.360 --> 01:07:30.050
of horrible jokes. What did the horse say after

01:07:30.050 --> 01:07:34.849
it tripped? I've fallen and I can't giddy up.

01:07:37.050 --> 01:07:41.369
Your mama's so fat, she uses Google Earth to

01:07:41.369 --> 01:07:45.590
take a selfie. Two douchebags and a microphone.

01:07:45.789 --> 01:07:50.869
There is no escape. Enter at your own risk. You

01:07:50.869 --> 01:07:54.769
will not make it out. Run while you still can,

01:07:54.889 --> 01:07:59.750
bitches. Hey, if you're a fan of paying way too

01:07:59.750 --> 01:08:02.210
much for trinkets and food, well, your wish is

01:08:02.210 --> 01:08:04.750
coming true. Kansas City International Airport

01:08:04.750 --> 01:08:08.230
Guest Pass program is starting today. Yes, you

01:08:08.230 --> 01:08:10.489
too could overspend on workless trinkets and

01:08:10.489 --> 01:08:14.349
$15 cups of coffee. Want to buy a $50 cheap t

01:08:14.349 --> 01:08:16.989
-shirt that has KC Western Auto Building image

01:08:16.989 --> 01:08:20.250
on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue sauce

01:08:20.250 --> 01:08:23.369
gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40 on your

01:08:23.369 --> 01:08:26.069
firstborn. Hurry, you know rubes are jumping

01:08:26.069 --> 01:08:29.909
all over to get to this complete ripoff. Because

01:08:29.909 --> 01:08:35.350
people are sheep. Introducing Rob Rad's new book,

01:08:35.550 --> 01:08:38.390
How to Track Your Enemy by Seth. That's right,

01:08:38.510 --> 01:08:41.649
smell your enemy before they get you. Order this

01:08:41.649 --> 01:08:43.829
gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's

01:08:43.829 --> 01:08:46.770
secret bunker in Camderton, Missouri. Also receive

01:08:46.770 --> 01:08:49.390
a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw

01:08:49.390 --> 01:08:55.260
Sewage for Food. Have you ever wondered what

01:08:55.260 --> 01:08:57.800
something is about? Have you ever looked at something

01:08:57.800 --> 01:08:59.899
and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that

01:08:59.899 --> 01:09:03.600
is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you

01:09:03.600 --> 01:09:08.579
The Origin Of. This is the origin of Rob Rad's

01:09:08.579 --> 01:09:12.560
loincloth. Rob used to strip in a nightclub called

01:09:12.560 --> 01:09:15.520
McCock's on the city's east side. Rob was the

01:09:15.520 --> 01:09:18.279
only completely new dancer at the club. The other

01:09:18.279 --> 01:09:20.319
dancers were jealous of Rob making all the cash

01:09:20.319 --> 01:09:23.060
and made him use a loincloth to dance with. Rob

01:09:23.060 --> 01:09:25.579
soon had to wear his loincloth daily. He found

01:09:25.579 --> 01:09:27.319
out that he could get out of traffic tickets,

01:09:27.479 --> 01:09:30.000
sell vinyl siding, and pick up hotties at the

01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:32.699
come and go. Rob now wears his loincloth everywhere

01:09:32.699 --> 01:09:35.979
except work. Sparks plus pubic hair equals to

01:09:35.979 --> 01:09:48.979
bad things. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm

01:09:48.979 --> 01:09:51.319
Mark here in the Kansas City area at the Talk

01:09:51.319 --> 01:10:00.199
is Cheap studio. And I am Rob in Wheeland, Missouri,

01:10:00.500 --> 01:10:05.000
home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and

01:10:05.000 --> 01:10:09.520
Water Track, and also home of Ikemo General Store,

01:10:09.760 --> 01:10:13.140
where you can find anything and everything you

01:10:13.140 --> 01:10:18.460
want, including this sincron. And the duck watch

01:10:18.460 --> 01:10:22.500
studio. And police grade handcuffs. I'll figure

01:10:22.500 --> 01:10:28.399
it out. Fair enough. It was a last minute deal.

01:10:30.979 --> 01:10:34.100
So, Rob, you know, you want to hear the think

01:10:34.100 --> 01:10:38.100
you're having a bad day department. All right.

01:10:38.260 --> 01:10:41.340
A Nebraska man died after getting pinned between

01:10:41.340 --> 01:10:43.680
his vehicle and a McDonald's drive -thru window

01:10:43.680 --> 01:10:49.319
in what police called a freak accident. The victim,

01:10:49.420 --> 01:10:52.939
identified by authorities as 69 -year -old Michael

01:10:52.939 --> 01:10:56.180
Dickinson, was found trapped underneath his car

01:10:56.180 --> 01:10:58.619
in the payment window at the McDonald's restaurant

01:10:58.619 --> 01:11:02.220
in Grand Island, Nebraska, about 24 miles southwest

01:11:02.220 --> 01:11:05.659
of Lincoln, just before 10 .30 a .m. Tuesday.

01:11:06.329 --> 01:11:11.109
KSNB reported. The man was taken to a nearby

01:11:11.109 --> 01:11:13.850
emergency room where he was pronounced dead.

01:11:14.270 --> 01:11:17.069
Grand Island Police Division Chief Dean Elliott

01:11:17.069 --> 01:11:20.390
told the news station that the incident was 100

01:11:20.390 --> 01:11:23.729
% a freak accident. It appears the deceased opened

01:11:23.729 --> 01:11:25.729
the door to further reach out the window for

01:11:25.729 --> 01:11:28.909
payment purposes, Elliott said. We're not sure

01:11:28.909 --> 01:11:31.250
if the vehicle lunged forward or what happened,

01:11:31.289 --> 01:11:33.590
but he got pinched between the door frame and

01:11:33.590 --> 01:11:38.859
the drive -thru window counter. Yeah, that sounds

01:11:38.859 --> 01:11:43.380
painful as hell. Dickinson was the only person

01:11:43.380 --> 01:11:45.359
inside the vehicle at the time of the incident,

01:11:45.460 --> 01:11:49.220
police said. As the incident unfolded, a McDonald's

01:11:49.220 --> 01:11:52.220
employee went outside to help Dickinson. Dickinson.

01:11:52.359 --> 01:11:54.979
Yeah, it is Dickinson. The employee reported

01:11:54.979 --> 01:11:58.000
trying to help through the passenger side of

01:11:58.000 --> 01:12:02.720
the vehicle, but got hurt in the process. The

01:12:02.720 --> 01:12:07.100
employee was taken. in an ambulance to a hospital,

01:12:07.260 --> 01:12:10.420
but he is expected to recover, according to the

01:12:10.420 --> 01:12:12.899
report. The Grand Island Police Department's

01:12:12.899 --> 01:12:15.420
accident reconstruction team is helping with

01:12:15.420 --> 01:12:18.939
the investigation currently, and it just appears

01:12:18.939 --> 01:12:21.020
to be a horrible accident of a guy that just

01:12:21.020 --> 01:12:24.739
made the wrong move. So, there you go. You can

01:12:24.739 --> 01:12:27.020
die anywhere for all different kinds of dumb

01:12:27.020 --> 01:12:32.579
reasons. Rob, let's turn it to you. Okay, well,

01:12:32.739 --> 01:12:38.890
I have a new one up. I ran across one. It is

01:12:38.890 --> 01:12:46.130
one of my two -part stories that are just lists.

01:12:48.869 --> 01:12:54.390
Tonight and it'll be Wednesday night until we

01:12:54.390 --> 01:13:00.189
record again. I'm going to go into unspoken prison

01:13:00.189 --> 01:13:05.460
rules. Then decide who survives inside. Love.

01:13:07.979 --> 01:13:10.699
And I know that Duke is going to love this since

01:13:10.699 --> 01:13:17.100
he used to be a prison guard. Okay, first up.

01:13:17.260 --> 01:13:21.220
And this is to anybody that might be facing prison

01:13:21.220 --> 01:13:28.340
time. We're not judging. Yep. First rule, respect

01:13:28.340 --> 01:13:34.390
the shower situation. Showers are a battleground

01:13:34.390 --> 01:13:38.149
of respect and hierarchy. In many prisons, certain

01:13:38.149 --> 01:13:42.069
showers are claimed by specific racial or social

01:13:42.069 --> 01:13:45.630
groups, and using the wrong one could lead to

01:13:45.630 --> 01:13:49.670
immediate conflict. Knowing when and where to

01:13:49.670 --> 01:13:54.149
shower and observing who uses each area is key.

01:13:56.430 --> 01:14:01.869
Additionally, cleanliness is not optional. Being

01:14:01.869 --> 01:14:06.550
messy or leaving hair and grime behind can turn

01:14:06.550 --> 01:14:10.090
even the mildest cellmate into an adversary.

01:14:10.810 --> 01:14:14.689
Respect goes a long way, even in the smallest

01:14:14.689 --> 01:14:20.470
of spaces. And now you start to see where I'm

01:14:20.470 --> 01:14:25.949
going. Yes, I do. Okay, number two. And this

01:14:25.949 --> 01:14:38.130
is ten. I'm going to do five tonight. Okay. Footwear

01:14:38.130 --> 01:14:42.770
and present isn't just about comfort. It's a

01:14:42.770 --> 01:14:47.270
signal. If you see inmates wearing boots instead

01:14:47.270 --> 01:14:51.289
of casual flip -flops or sneakers, it's often

01:14:51.289 --> 01:14:57.069
a sign of tension. Boots mean readiness, often

01:14:57.069 --> 01:15:01.789
for a fight. Observing these details upon arrival

01:15:01.789 --> 01:15:06.010
at a new facility can provide insights into the

01:15:06.010 --> 01:15:09.489
mood of the environment. Paying attention to

01:15:09.489 --> 01:15:13.270
these cues can help you avoid walking into danger

01:15:13.270 --> 01:15:19.029
unknowingly. Dude, I never thought about that.

01:15:20.770 --> 01:15:34.460
No? Pretty cool. Keep going. This is stuff, yeah,

01:15:34.520 --> 01:15:37.479
that you don't normally think of anyhow. Yeah,

01:15:37.479 --> 01:15:40.720
well, okay, and then there are some that you

01:15:40.720 --> 01:15:45.100
do think of, like this one. Okay. Master of the

01:15:45.100 --> 01:15:50.880
Art Rules. Okay. The prison is a high -stakes

01:15:50.880 --> 01:15:54.439
arena where alliances, disputes, and deals play

01:15:54.439 --> 01:15:59.420
out. Different groups coin specific areas. and

01:15:59.420 --> 01:16:02.880
violating these unspoken boundaries can escalate

01:16:02.880 --> 01:16:06.399
quickly. The yard is also a hub for physical

01:16:06.399 --> 01:16:10.220
activity and social connections, making it a

01:16:10.220 --> 01:16:13.699
vital part of survival. Learning where you can

01:16:13.699 --> 01:16:17.279
and cannot go is crucial to avoiding trouble.

01:16:20.020 --> 01:16:23.140
That's pretty much enough. Yeah. If you know

01:16:23.140 --> 01:16:32.220
anything about prison. Yeah. to politics. Prison

01:16:32.220 --> 01:16:38.479
politics dictate who holds power and how conflicts

01:16:38.479 --> 01:16:42.659
are resolved. Each group typically has a leader

01:16:42.659 --> 01:16:47.260
known as a shop caller who makes decisions on

01:16:47.260 --> 01:16:51.380
behalf of their group. Before taking any action,

01:16:51.560 --> 01:16:54.399
especially one that might escalate into violence,

01:16:54.760 --> 01:16:59.500
inmates often consult these leaders. The system

01:16:59.500 --> 01:17:02.720
might seem rigid, but understand it can keep

01:17:02.720 --> 01:17:06.699
you out of trouble and ensure conflicts are handled

01:17:06.699 --> 01:17:17.300
in a structured way. That makes sense. It does.

01:17:17.439 --> 01:17:21.760
Every group has its leaders. Yeah, yep. Every

01:17:21.760 --> 01:17:25.460
army. I mean, we are pack animals. We have our

01:17:25.460 --> 01:17:34.020
people down. Yep. And like I said, this is a

01:17:34.020 --> 01:17:36.539
two -parter, so we'll have five more next show.

01:17:36.779 --> 01:17:41.979
Okay. Number five, know the TV room dynamics.

01:17:44.939 --> 01:17:48.439
The television room isn't a place for casual

01:17:48.439 --> 01:17:54.460
lounging. It's a microcosm of prison hierarchy.

01:17:55.539 --> 01:17:58.560
Seats and channels are often claimed by specific

01:17:58.560 --> 01:18:02.609
groups and taking someone's spot. is an easy

01:18:02.609 --> 01:18:06.229
way to start a fight. While mingling is allowed,

01:18:06.590 --> 01:18:10.989
you don't intrude or overstep the place. Observing

01:18:10.989 --> 01:18:14.590
and respecting the unspoken rules here can help

01:18:14.590 --> 01:18:23.670
you avoid unnecessary conflicts. Okay. And that

01:18:23.670 --> 01:18:26.729
is it for tonight, and I will have the next slide

01:18:26.729 --> 01:18:30.640
on the next podcast. That sounds good, Rob. Thank

01:18:30.640 --> 01:18:32.640
you. I like that segment. That's pretty cool.

01:18:33.739 --> 01:18:36.720
All right, Rob, do you want to keep going? It

01:18:36.720 --> 01:18:42.880
is 9 .14. You have to get up pretty early. Well,

01:18:42.939 --> 01:18:46.399
actually, I did kind of have one more. Oh, go

01:18:46.399 --> 01:18:51.699
ahead. Did I tell about the older woman at the

01:18:51.699 --> 01:18:56.640
Christmas dinner? I don't think so. You don't?

01:18:56.859 --> 01:19:05.140
Okay, well... All right. You'll understand when

01:19:05.140 --> 01:19:09.680
I say that. Okay. Dude, I laughed out loud when

01:19:09.680 --> 01:19:19.579
I read this one. Okay, Florida. Uh -huh. Tampa

01:19:19.579 --> 01:19:23.899
police arrested 29 -year -old Burrell Sanders

01:19:23.899 --> 01:19:27.840
after a Christmas dinner exploded into chaos

01:19:27.840 --> 01:19:37.899
when she was discovered in the pantry. Okay.

01:19:38.199 --> 01:19:43.020
Have I told this one? No, I don't think so. Okay,

01:19:43.020 --> 01:19:48.279
good. According to witnesses, Pharrell and her

01:19:48.279 --> 01:19:52.960
ex, Logan, broke up in October after she keyed

01:19:52.960 --> 01:20:47.489
his truck for emotional reasons. Okay. Oh, man.

01:20:48.729 --> 01:20:52.670
Logan screamed. The stepdad tripped over a bag

01:20:52.670 --> 01:20:56.729
of flour. Burrell shouted, everyone here needs

01:20:56.729 --> 01:21:31.069
to stop judging my feeling. Okay. police arrest

01:21:31.069 --> 01:21:34.689
served for trespassing inciting a disturbance

01:21:34.689 --> 01:21:38.109
and creating an emotionally unsafe holiday environment

01:21:38.109 --> 01:21:42.949
as she was escorted out Burrell yelled I'm the

01:21:42.949 --> 01:22:03.199
only honest one here yes very much so wow okay

01:22:03.199 --> 01:22:11.819
wow um thank you rob um all right uh i guess

01:22:11.819 --> 01:22:13.619
we'll go ahead and get off here it's almost 9

01:22:13.619 --> 01:22:18.220
20 we both have to get up fairly early so you're

01:22:18.220 --> 01:22:24.239
a little bit earlier than me so all right well

01:22:24.239 --> 01:22:31.140
rob okay all right well i leave let's see i gotta

01:22:31.140 --> 01:22:35.300
leave here about 7 20 okay i got it i got an

01:22:35.300 --> 01:22:39.100
hour or something on you and sleeping so um all

01:22:39.100 --> 01:22:42.500
right rob have a good night thank you i'll talk

01:22:42.500 --> 01:22:45.300
to you wednesday night anyhow good night assholes

01:22:51.979 --> 01:22:55.479
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark

01:22:55.479 --> 01:22:58.539
has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless

01:22:58.539 --> 01:23:02.180
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading

01:23:02.180 --> 01:23:03.119
your ear holes soon.