WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. Hey everybody, this is Uncle

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Rob. I'm going to give you some tips for life.

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Record loud train noise on your phone. That way

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you won't take any big dumps. Next up, things

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overheard in hell. Hell proudly serves best choice

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instant coffee. The apocalypse just happened.

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You don't know what to do. You don't know where

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to go. But we can tell you what you can eat.

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Hi all, this is Mark here. I'm usually the one

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telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.

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Well, this time I decided to go the other way.

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You ever consider just going to ground zero and

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saying, fuck it? Do you really want to be the

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guy running around looking for radioactive deer,

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guessing whether water is not contaminated or

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not? No food, no shelter, no nothing. Oh no,

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there's a strong argument that says, you know

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what? Let's just go to ground zero and see what's

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for us after. Just a thought. Tomorrow morning,

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while grinding your coffee beans for your double

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mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals

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caught in the grinder. It really hurts, and who

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can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.

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Oh, my. Would you look at the Riley scattering?

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It sure is brilliant tonight. First off, you're

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on private property. Second, you're in my flower

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garden. Third... If you're talking about the

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sunset, yes, it is stunning. And finally, would

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you get the hell off my property, you annoying

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fucking bastard? Hey, if you're a fan of paying

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way too much for trinkets and food, well, your

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wish is coming true. Kansas City International

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Airport Guest Pass program is starting today.

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Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets

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and $15 cups of coffee. Want to buy a $50 cheap

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t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building image

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on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue sauce

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gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40 on your

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firstborn. Hurry, you know rubes are jumping

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all over to get to this complete ripoff. Because

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people are sheep. Heya, Yankers. We often think

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many things are just true because we've heard

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it our whole lives. That's why here at Two Douchebags

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and Microphone, we developed the segment, Not

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True. We investigate and uncover the real truth

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of what happened. We've heard for years that

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Einstein was so intelligent he could not figure

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out how to tie his shoe. The fact is, he disliked

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wearing socks. He would put socks over his shoes

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to avoid tying them. He believed tying shoelaces

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was an incredible waste of time. So were Crocs

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when Einstein needed them. Our constant pursuit

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for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults

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from an alien. Real hilarity. May your spoon

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always slip and sink into your hot soup. hi everybody

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this is two douchebags and microphone i am one

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of your hosts i am mark i am here in the kansas

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city area that is what i like to call the talk

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is cheap studio that i'm sitting in right now

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with my brand new recliner chair that barely

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fits in here but it's great because i brought

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my feet up and it feels good but um anyhow i

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also make goat noises so and i turn it to my

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co -host Lucas Oil Speedway, and Water Track,

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and also home of the beautiful Highway 54 RV

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Park in the Duck and Bart studio. All right.

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And the Water Track is very cool. I'm not sure

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if everybody quite knows what that is. So, Rob,

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do you want to do an explanation, or do you want

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me to? And they just run. It's wild. They are

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cooler than hell. If you ever get a chance to

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watch, watch the boat races at the racetrack.

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They're very cool. Actually, you could probably

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go online and find some videos of a half -lucas

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oil. I'm sure. Well, they have all kinds of videos

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that that track does. I'm pretty sure they have

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some of the modern track, too, which I tell anyone,

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take a look at it. They're very cool. So whether

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you go and watch them in person or not is one

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thing, but just take a look at them. You'll be

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surprised. You'll be like, wow, that shit's cool.

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Like the bus races and stuff like that. There's

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all kinds of cool shit that they do. Yeah, and

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they rattle the windows in the Doug Warren studio.

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I'm literally... Very cool. All right. All right.

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Well, the Walmart caper number four went on today.

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You know, I've been going into Walmart, and the

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same old man has been checking receipts, even

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though, you know, you're not legally bound to.

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If you join a Costco or a Sam's Club, when you

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sign on that dotted line there, when you agree

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to their terms of service, that means that when

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you leave, You are subject to have your basket

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checked. Not yourself. They don't have any right

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to go up and go, hey, let's see what's in your

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pockets or nothing. But whatever's in your basket,

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they have a right to inspect. And that is part

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of the bylaws when you join with them. But Walmart

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is not a club. It's a store. So you don't have

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to submit to any type of a check in your card

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at all. You're not legally required to at all.

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And unless there's probable cause in which you

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can always ask them, well, did you think I stole

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something? And of course, they're not going to

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say that. Even they, number one, you probably

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didn't steal anything. Okay. And they're just

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checking you like this old man does. I guess

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there's probably some crime there maybe. So they

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tell them to do it. And most people don't know

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better, but I do know better. And I don't put

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up with it. I'm like, you know, no, no, no. Did

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you think I stole something? No. Yeah, I'm in

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here every week. So every week it's the same

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thing. Every week you come after me for this

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receipt. So what I've been doing is I'll print

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the receipt out. I'll have the receipt printed.

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I'll put it in my right hand and I'm walking

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my card out. And the old man comes up and goes,

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can I see your receipt? And I go, I had it emailed

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to me. And he's looking at this piece of paper

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in my hand that looks like a receipt. But he

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can't say anything, right? Remember, we've been

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going over that, right? And he can't go, well,

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what's that? Or that's a receipt or you're lying

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to me. He can't do that. So I'm just like, you

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know, so I just go to him with it in my hand.

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I go, I had an email to me. And then he's like,

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well, can you bring up your email? I'm like,

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certainly not. Well, why not? I don't have enough

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time. I'm leaving. Did I do anything wrong? No.

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Okay, then watch me walk through the door and

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leave me the hell alone. So that's what happens.

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And one time there was a cop there, a Kansas

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City, Missouri policeman, and he was just like,

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you know, he didn't care. He knew I could go.

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So this guy now, he comes up to me, and this

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time I really did have it sent to my email to

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prove a point. Okay, so I'm leaving, and the

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guy walks up to me. And he's at the front door

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and also the exit. They're both the same. And

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he goes, can I see your receipt? And I go, I

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had an email to me. Well, can you bring up your

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email? And I go, yeah, sure. So I purposely logged

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out of my email. And then I kept trying to log

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back in, but I kept giving it the wrong password.

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So it wouldn't log me back in. So there's people

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behind me waiting. They're all getting impatient,

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right? And so I'm like, man, I'm trying. I don't

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know what's going on here. It booted me out of

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my email. I just, you know, and I go, here, here.

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I think I remember what it was. So I keep screwing

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with him, right? And these people behind me.

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So he starts to take people behind me. I go,

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wait a minute, wait a minute. No, no, no, no,

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no. You don't let anyone in front of me. I said,

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you're here checking my receipt. Check my fucking

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receipt. Either that or let me go. So he's like,

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all right. And he goes, you know you can download

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the app. And I go, you know what? I said, I'm

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not ever going to download that fucking app.

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And you know why? I said, because I'll get relentless

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commercials constantly. You guys are selling

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to me. I've downloaded apps like that before,

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and all I get is advertisements. No, I'm not

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doing it. So I said, are you going to wait for

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me to get on my email, or are you going to let

00:12:05.139 --> 00:12:09.899
me go? And I go, actually. You can't let me go

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anyhow. I said, I can leave right now. I said,

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I'm just doing this to be nice. I'm trying to

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find my receipt to show you. So I'm sitting there

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fumbling through it, fumbling through it. And

00:12:19.340 --> 00:12:21.559
I went back there and people start walking around

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me and just going out and going, I'm not waiting.

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So finally, after about five minutes of this,

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he goes, go ahead and go. I go, well, wait a

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minute. You want to see my receipt? No, no, no.

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Go ahead. Are you sure? I go, I'll bring it up.

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I said, it might take me a minute, but I'll bring

00:12:36.750 --> 00:12:38.710
it up for you. I said, well, I'll prove to you

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I'm not stealing. He goes, no, no, no, no. And

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I go, all right. I go, then the next time I come

00:12:42.990 --> 00:12:46.309
in here, what are you going to do? I'm going

00:12:46.309 --> 00:12:49.269
to leave you alone. I said, okay. All right.

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Do we have an agreement? Yes, we do. Next time

00:12:52.789 --> 00:12:53.850
I come through here, what are you going to do?

00:12:53.970 --> 00:12:56.629
I'm going to look the other way. Okay. See you

00:12:56.629 --> 00:13:00.750
later. Have a good day. He was pissed. Do you

00:13:00.750 --> 00:13:07.960
blame me, Rob? It irritates the piss out of me

00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:11.779
that they think I'm dumb enough that they think

00:13:11.779 --> 00:13:15.320
I'm not going to question something like that

00:13:15.320 --> 00:13:18.559
and just automatically do it. You know, don't

00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:20.940
treat me like a criminal. I didn't steal anything

00:13:20.940 --> 00:13:23.759
from you. Leave me the hell alone. Why don't

00:13:23.759 --> 00:13:27.039
you go after the people that you know are criminals

00:13:27.039 --> 00:13:30.720
and you can leave people like me alone. You know,

00:13:30.759 --> 00:13:32.720
that's the way I feel about it is don't come

00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:34.740
after me. You know, I'm not stealing anything,

00:13:34.860 --> 00:13:37.159
but you got to put on a show. You got to put

00:13:37.159 --> 00:13:39.580
on a show and you got to act like, oh, yeah,

00:13:39.740 --> 00:13:43.519
I'm checking everybody to be fair. No, no, no,

00:13:43.559 --> 00:13:46.860
no, no, no, no, no. You're not being fair. What

00:13:46.860 --> 00:13:50.039
you're doing is you're putting on a show for

00:13:50.039 --> 00:13:51.960
everybody. So no one can come back and go to

00:13:51.960 --> 00:13:54.600
you and go, well, you didn't check him. It's

00:13:54.600 --> 00:13:57.750
complete bullshit and I'm not having it. Uh,

00:13:57.850 --> 00:14:00.789
anyhow, I think I finally won that round, but

00:14:00.789 --> 00:14:02.889
I still think I'm going to start going to a different

00:14:02.889 --> 00:14:05.210
Walmart or just leaving Walmart alone altogether.

00:14:05.990 --> 00:14:08.090
I'm getting really sick of their bullshit. I

00:14:08.090 --> 00:14:14.470
can tell you that. So, um, anyhow, um, so I'm

00:14:14.470 --> 00:14:19.830
going to move on here. A, um, AI generated police

00:14:19.830 --> 00:14:24.509
report states a Utah officer was turned into

00:14:24.509 --> 00:14:33.240
a frog, Rob. An AI -generated police report states

00:14:33.240 --> 00:14:38.200
a Utah officer was turned into a frog. This is

00:14:38.200 --> 00:14:44.320
AI. I'm telling you, we can get rid of AI. I'm

00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:47.460
telling you. It does a great job on me, though.

00:14:47.500 --> 00:14:49.940
I love the images that came up of me the other

00:14:49.940 --> 00:14:54.779
day. That was funny. Those were awesome, man.

00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:58.740
They were. They were. If you haven't seen them,

00:14:58.740 --> 00:15:02.559
get on the Two Deuce Data microphone or Facebook

00:15:02.559 --> 00:15:07.740
page. Yes, and it's on there. One with my hair

00:15:07.740 --> 00:15:10.059
kind of like it is now, and then the other one

00:15:10.059 --> 00:15:13.840
with long hair. And this all was just, it just

00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:16.120
came out generically. I didn't mean to do it.

00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:19.700
I was trying to get bong images in Nikolai Tesla

00:15:19.700 --> 00:15:23.679
and Mark Twain and some other figures. But it

00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:27.700
won't do bongs to anybody that's passed away,

00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:30.379
I guess. Or at least my version of what I use

00:15:30.379 --> 00:15:33.679
won't do it. Because it says it's detrimental

00:15:33.679 --> 00:15:37.240
to their memory. So I was sitting there trying

00:15:37.240 --> 00:15:38.820
to do this. I'm like, okay, how about a cigar?

00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:42.779
So I'm trying to get this. And somehow AI thought

00:15:42.779 --> 00:15:45.899
it was going to do me. So all of a sudden it

00:15:45.899 --> 00:15:49.169
pops up a picture of me. smoking a cigar with

00:15:49.169 --> 00:15:51.110
all this steampunk gear on, which I think is

00:15:51.110 --> 00:15:53.110
cool. Oh, that was the other thing I was doing.

00:15:53.129 --> 00:15:54.830
I was trying to make it all steampunk stuff,

00:15:55.110 --> 00:16:00.009
because I know steampunk is old and all that.

00:16:00.129 --> 00:16:02.429
I still love it, though. I still think it's great,

00:16:02.590 --> 00:16:04.690
and I'm not done with it yet. Everyone else may

00:16:04.690 --> 00:16:10.169
be, but I'm not. Well, to be honest, it looks

00:16:10.169 --> 00:16:13.350
good on you. That picture, it does. No, it does.

00:16:13.549 --> 00:16:15.649
I liked it a lot. I thought it did a great job.

00:16:17.019 --> 00:16:20.980
It made you look like 20 years younger. Yeah,

00:16:20.980 --> 00:16:24.299
I love that. I enjoyed that. I enjoyed that a

00:16:24.299 --> 00:16:28.399
lot. That was good. The thing was, it was a really

00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:32.940
good portrait of me, actually. I mean, it wasn't

00:16:32.940 --> 00:16:35.759
so far offline that you couldn't tell it was

00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:39.000
me. It looked exactly like me. It was just spruced

00:16:39.000 --> 00:16:41.519
up a bit, I would say. What would you say? Something

00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:47.679
like that, maybe? Yeah. So, anyhow, United Press

00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:50.940
International, January 5th, a Utah Police Department's

00:16:50.940 --> 00:16:53.840
use of artificial intelligence led to a police

00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:56.639
report stating falsely that an officer had been

00:16:56.639 --> 00:17:01.139
transformed into a frog. The Herber City Police

00:17:01.139 --> 00:17:03.759
Department stated using a pair of AI programs,

00:17:04.059 --> 00:17:07.299
Draft 1 and Code 4, to automatically generate

00:17:07.299 --> 00:17:10.059
police reports from body camera footage in December.

00:17:10.859 --> 00:17:13.420
A report generated by the draft, one program

00:17:13.420 --> 00:17:15.680
mistakenly reported that an officer had been

00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:20.740
turned into a frog. I love that. Isn't that great?

00:17:22.440 --> 00:17:25.140
That's awesome. The body cam software and the

00:17:25.140 --> 00:17:28.819
AI report writing software picked up on the movie

00:17:28.819 --> 00:17:31.680
that was playing in the background, which happened

00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:34.619
to be The Princess and the Frog. Do you see this

00:17:34.619 --> 00:17:37.980
same thing happened to me? It's because I'm...

00:17:38.299 --> 00:17:42.339
It picked up on me and decided to do an AI image

00:17:42.339 --> 00:17:45.220
of me instead of Mark Twain or somebody. So it's

00:17:45.220 --> 00:17:47.819
pretty cool that it's interesting. It'll pick

00:17:47.819 --> 00:17:50.059
up things in the background and then do that

00:17:50.059 --> 00:17:54.000
like this did. So the princess and the frog was

00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:56.640
playing. Sergeant Rick Kill told Fox 13 News.

00:17:56.819 --> 00:17:59.480
That's when we learned the importance of correcting

00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:02.859
these AI generated reports. Kill said the department

00:18:02.859 --> 00:18:06.339
will continue using AI programs, but with more

00:18:06.339 --> 00:18:09.900
oversight. I'm saving myself about six to eight

00:18:09.900 --> 00:18:13.920
hours a week now, Kill said. I'm not the most

00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:16.420
tech -savvy person, so it's very user -friendly.

00:18:16.980 --> 00:18:21.119
Draft 1 was released in 2024 by Axon, the same

00:18:21.119 --> 00:18:23.960
company that produces the Taser stun gun. The

00:18:23.960 --> 00:18:28.799
program uses OpenAI's chat GPT -4 to transcribe.

00:18:31.240 --> 00:18:36.339
Sorry, I got a little bit of... Okay, let me

00:18:36.339 --> 00:18:40.690
try this again. OpenAI's chatbot GPT -4 to transcribe

00:18:40.690 --> 00:18:48.789
body camera footage. And I saw a car sticker

00:18:48.789 --> 00:18:52.609
that said Aussie Osport Edition. Have you seen

00:18:52.609 --> 00:18:57.069
any of those, Rob? No, I have not. They're silver

00:18:57.069 --> 00:19:00.259
and they look really cool. And it says... So,

00:19:00.259 --> 00:19:02.920
it said, you know, Ozzy Osbourne Edition. It

00:19:02.920 --> 00:19:05.539
goes on a car. It's pretty cool. It was on a

00:19:05.539 --> 00:19:09.079
souped -up Challenger. It had a silver sticker

00:19:09.079 --> 00:19:12.039
on the back window that said Ozzy Osbourne Edition.

00:19:12.180 --> 00:19:14.359
It looks really cool. Okay, now that would look

00:19:14.359 --> 00:19:17.579
good. That would look good. It does. I have one

00:19:17.579 --> 00:19:21.279
coming in the mail soon. And I'm going to...

00:19:21.279 --> 00:19:23.359
They were out of them. They only have one left.

00:19:23.420 --> 00:19:25.279
I'm going to order another couple. And when I

00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:27.240
do, when they come in, I'll give you one when

00:19:27.240 --> 00:19:30.920
I see you. So... I'll put it on this back mobile.

00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:35.180
Well, I'm not going to put it on my Jeep, because

00:19:35.180 --> 00:19:37.559
I already have Diary of a Madman seat covers

00:19:37.559 --> 00:19:42.099
on my Jeep front seats. I want the sticker for

00:19:42.099 --> 00:19:44.259
in here, the Talk is Cheap Studio. I think it'll

00:19:44.259 --> 00:19:49.559
look great here. Well, I could put it at the

00:19:49.559 --> 00:19:52.440
very top of the back window, and I think it would

00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:55.279
go good there. I don't know. We'll find out.

00:19:55.400 --> 00:20:00.960
No, I think... If I can get a few more of them,

00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:04.779
hopefully I get one for each. Yeah. I'll put

00:20:04.779 --> 00:20:07.119
one on my Jeep sticker, and then I'll have the

00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:10.599
seat covers to match. The seat covers I love,

00:20:10.779 --> 00:20:13.319
and the interesting thing is I got them from

00:20:13.319 --> 00:20:16.859
Walmart .com. It was just a suggestion that came

00:20:16.859 --> 00:20:19.680
up, and they're really cool seat covers. It's

00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:23.319
the Diary of a Madman actual album cover art

00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:32.460
on it. Yeah. And it's really cool. Yes. I couldn't

00:20:32.460 --> 00:20:35.940
find one. I know those would be hard to find.

00:20:36.099 --> 00:20:39.680
Those are lost. It's hard to find anything. Yeah.

00:20:40.539 --> 00:20:45.759
Because it was such a great album. You see, I'm

00:20:45.759 --> 00:20:48.519
more of a fan of the artwork on Diary of a Madman.

00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:53.440
Yeah, I know you are. Yeah, and the reason is

00:20:53.440 --> 00:20:56.579
the imagery and everything. I mean, it's just

00:20:56.579 --> 00:21:00.940
to me. I've always loved the macabre. horror

00:21:00.940 --> 00:21:03.700
stuff. To me, it's right in line with all of

00:21:03.700 --> 00:21:06.859
that, you know, with Ozzy Osbourne there, this

00:21:06.859 --> 00:21:11.220
monster -looking Ozzy after he did this potion.

00:21:11.900 --> 00:21:17.859
It's just really cool. So, anyhow. So, when I

00:21:17.859 --> 00:21:19.460
get the sticker, I think I'm going to put it

00:21:19.460 --> 00:21:23.359
somewhere here in the Talk is Cheap studio. But

00:21:23.359 --> 00:21:25.640
I want to have a public service announcement

00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:31.339
here real quick, Rob, okay? Alright. Okay. Every

00:21:31.339 --> 00:21:34.920
time the Raiders fire a head coach, we need to

00:21:34.920 --> 00:21:38.119
change our smoke detector battery. Very important.

00:21:41.079 --> 00:21:44.319
Yeah, it's about the same time again. Yeah, yeah.

00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:48.279
So once a year. Once a year. Yeah, whatever the

00:21:48.279 --> 00:21:51.500
Raiders fire their head coach, once a year, remember

00:21:51.500 --> 00:21:55.859
to check your smoke detector and carbon monoxide

00:21:55.859 --> 00:22:00.509
detector batteries. So it's very important. when

00:22:00.509 --> 00:22:03.869
they got rid of Gruden? Yeah, they haven't found

00:22:03.869 --> 00:22:05.750
someone ever since then, have they? Blame John

00:22:05.750 --> 00:22:12.569
Gruden. Blame John Gruden. Everybody else does.

00:22:12.789 --> 00:22:16.089
John Gruden is going to be back in the NFL, mark

00:22:16.089 --> 00:22:21.809
my words. Oh, yeah, I can see it coming, too.

00:22:22.109 --> 00:22:25.750
You know those emails that he was referring to?

00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:28.740
They never did release them. So that tells me

00:22:28.740 --> 00:22:31.460
there's a lot of incriminating stuff with a lot

00:22:31.460 --> 00:22:34.640
of other people on there that they don't want

00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:38.099
released. It all went hush -hush really quick,

00:22:38.180 --> 00:22:40.539
and John Gruden went bye -bye really, really

00:22:40.539 --> 00:22:44.880
quick. Now think about it. One of the Harbaughs

00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:48.920
is leaving. Mm -hmm. Yeah. John Harbaugh. Yeah.

00:22:50.980 --> 00:22:53.359
Actually... That'd be a good spot for Gruden.

00:22:53.400 --> 00:22:55.480
That would be a great spot for him. As a matter

00:22:55.480 --> 00:22:57.759
of fact, that would be scary to see the Ravens

00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:01.160
in his hand. I was really surprised that John

00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:05.039
Harbaugh got fired, though. I really was. Really?

00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:10.819
Yeah. He would have been back in the playoffs

00:23:10.819 --> 00:23:17.950
again. Playoffs this year. But his kicker. You

00:23:17.950 --> 00:23:21.029
know, let him down. And it happens. He's a young

00:23:21.029 --> 00:23:23.690
kicker, and it happens. I'm not calling the guy

00:23:23.690 --> 00:23:25.990
an idiot or horrible or nothing like that. It

00:23:25.990 --> 00:23:28.950
happens. You do. It was 44 -yarder. It wasn't

00:23:28.950 --> 00:23:32.009
quite a chip shot, but it was very makeable.

00:23:32.490 --> 00:23:39.109
Probably about a 70 % chance of making it. The

00:23:39.109 --> 00:23:43.470
thing is, is when he kicked it, he knew. He knew

00:23:43.470 --> 00:23:45.269
he missed it because it went off the side of

00:23:45.269 --> 00:23:47.230
his foot. As soon as he kicked it, he looked

00:23:47.230 --> 00:23:49.329
down. He knew it. He didn't even look up. He

00:23:49.329 --> 00:23:53.250
knew. But that wasn't necessarily John Harbaugh's

00:23:53.250 --> 00:23:58.029
fault. No, how can that be the coach's fault?

00:23:58.089 --> 00:24:00.390
It isn't. But I got to thinking, I think that

00:24:00.390 --> 00:24:04.289
John Harbaugh probably got fired over his body

00:24:04.289 --> 00:24:07.450
of work. And I'll put it like this. Okay. He

00:24:07.450 --> 00:24:09.789
always usually comes up with a winning record

00:24:09.789 --> 00:24:14.630
unless... Lamar Jackson's hurt. And he usually

00:24:14.630 --> 00:24:18.650
makes it to the playoffs. But the deal is, is

00:24:18.650 --> 00:24:21.069
they want someone that's going to win some playoff

00:24:21.069 --> 00:24:24.309
games. And Harbaugh, I mean, I'm sorry, but I

00:24:24.309 --> 00:24:26.829
mean, it's been Mahomes' league. And I'm not

00:24:26.829 --> 00:24:28.569
just saying that because I'm a Chiefs homer.

00:24:28.630 --> 00:24:31.369
I'm an admitted Chiefs homer. I live in Kansas

00:24:31.369 --> 00:24:34.210
City. I have. You know, I've been a Chiefs fan.

00:24:34.289 --> 00:24:39.309
I was born and raised there. Yeah. But the whole

00:24:39.309 --> 00:24:42.210
thing is, It's been Mahomes' league, and it's

00:24:42.210 --> 00:24:45.430
not necessarily Harbaugh's fault. I mean, the

00:24:45.430 --> 00:24:49.109
only team to beat them and go to the Super Bowl

00:24:49.109 --> 00:24:53.130
in the AFC was the Cincinnati Bengals. Yeah,

00:24:53.130 --> 00:24:59.049
and also at the same time, the one year that

00:24:59.049 --> 00:25:01.990
Mahomes and the Chiefs aren't there that they

00:25:01.990 --> 00:25:05.609
could possibly get in, they're not there. And

00:25:05.609 --> 00:25:08.109
I'm sure that that bothered the piss out of the

00:25:08.109 --> 00:25:13.380
management, too. Oh. But think of all the pressure

00:25:13.380 --> 00:25:19.559
that's on Josh Allen now and Sean McDermott because

00:25:19.559 --> 00:25:25.079
if they don't make it this year, I don't think

00:25:25.079 --> 00:25:27.180
they're ever going to make it, honestly. I really

00:25:27.180 --> 00:25:30.019
don't. This year, they finally got the Chiefs

00:25:30.019 --> 00:25:32.299
out of the way. They don't have to take them

00:25:32.299 --> 00:25:34.319
out themselves, which they've been unable to

00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:43.210
do. So... Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, the

00:25:43.210 --> 00:25:47.529
Broncos, the Patriots, this first game, the one

00:25:47.529 --> 00:25:50.109
Saturday against Jacksonville, is not going to

00:25:50.109 --> 00:25:53.309
be a joke. Jacksonville won their division, and

00:25:53.309 --> 00:25:56.269
they have to go to Jacksonville. Trevor Lawrence

00:25:56.269 --> 00:25:59.950
is playing at a high level in key moments. Yeah,

00:25:59.950 --> 00:26:03.910
he is. Their defense really looks good. They're

00:26:03.910 --> 00:26:06.069
not a patsy. They're going to be hard to beat.

00:26:06.490 --> 00:26:08.650
And the Bills, it's going to take everything

00:26:08.650 --> 00:26:12.430
they've got to beat them. So if the Bills need

00:26:12.430 --> 00:26:15.609
to be on their A game, and they can beat them,

00:26:15.750 --> 00:26:17.470
but they're going to have to do everything just

00:26:17.470 --> 00:26:20.369
right. Because Jacksonville's not a patsy. You

00:26:20.369 --> 00:26:22.029
can look at their body of work and see all the

00:26:22.029 --> 00:26:24.990
teams that they did beat. They beat a lot of

00:26:24.990 --> 00:26:27.589
really good teams this year, including the Chiefs.

00:26:28.650 --> 00:26:31.329
Yeah, they did. Yeah, so it's going to be interesting.

00:26:33.509 --> 00:26:37.029
All right, and finally here, Rob, you know what

00:26:37.029 --> 00:26:40.109
third space is? Have you ever heard of that,

00:26:40.190 --> 00:26:45.369
third space? No. Hey, you know what? Let's have

00:26:45.369 --> 00:26:47.690
new guy. Let's have new guy explain it, even

00:26:47.690 --> 00:26:57.950
though he's a surly bitch. You want to? I can't

00:26:57.950 --> 00:27:00.430
find anyone else to do it for pencil shavings,

00:27:00.430 --> 00:27:04.329
Rob. So we got to keep him for right now. So,

00:27:04.329 --> 00:27:08.730
all right. Hey, new guy. You know, I just had

00:27:08.730 --> 00:27:13.569
a wedding and Christmas. Yeah, all I could afford

00:27:13.569 --> 00:27:17.990
was 50 bucks. Well, I mean, that's the thing

00:27:17.990 --> 00:27:20.529
is he's doing it for pencil shavings and 50 bucks

00:27:20.529 --> 00:27:23.269
he got it, you know, a month ago. So, I mean,

00:27:23.289 --> 00:27:26.779
I kind of got to keep him for right now. Anyhow,

00:27:26.779 --> 00:27:29.220
I mean, he mother fucks us, but who cares? He's

00:27:29.220 --> 00:27:31.940
doing the job. So, hey, hey, new guy. Hey, bitch,

00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:35.700
bitch. Hey, come over and explain this. What

00:27:35.700 --> 00:27:40.059
is third space? And do it right. Hello, this

00:27:40.059 --> 00:27:43.400
is the new guy. And I guess these two dimwits

00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:48.480
want me to explain third space. Whatever that

00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:54.519
is. Okay, here's what I got. A cafe, a dog park,

00:27:54.759 --> 00:27:59.059
a gym, a library, a playground, a bar. We often

00:27:59.059 --> 00:28:01.599
take these spaces for granted. Many of us float

00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:03.799
through them daily, ordering coffee, getting

00:28:03.799 --> 00:28:06.720
our puppy some exercise, working out, grabbing

00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:09.200
a book, watching our child play, or grabbing

00:28:09.200 --> 00:28:11.519
a drink with a friend. However, these places

00:28:11.519 --> 00:28:13.619
are far more important than just their expected

00:28:13.619 --> 00:28:17.319
functions. Experts call them third spaces or

00:28:17.319 --> 00:28:20.940
third places. Not a workplace. Not our home,

00:28:20.960 --> 00:28:23.579
but an additional space that plays a vital role

00:28:23.579 --> 00:28:28.500
in our personal and societal well -being. They're

00:28:28.500 --> 00:28:31.259
where we go to socialize, said Rick Kite and

00:28:31.259 --> 00:28:34.220
ethics professor Vertebo, University in Wisconsin.

00:28:34.660 --> 00:28:37.200
It's a place we make connections and where we

00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:39.579
build friendships. Kite is the author of the

00:28:39.579 --> 00:28:42.220
book, Finding Your Third Place, building happier

00:28:42.220 --> 00:28:44.859
communities and making great friends along the

00:28:44.859 --> 00:28:47.970
way. He sees third spaces as a key tool to combat

00:28:47.970 --> 00:28:51.250
the growing loneliness epidemic among American

00:28:51.250 --> 00:28:54.230
adults, which exploded during the pandemic and

00:28:54.230 --> 00:29:16.690
still persists. The first, yeah, first one. Oh,

00:29:16.710 --> 00:29:18.990
he just slammed the door. He's pissed. You're

00:29:18.990 --> 00:29:23.369
getting the ass paddling, you asshole. Sorry.

00:29:23.970 --> 00:29:26.890
Yep. Be that way, that's what you get. Oh, yeah.

00:29:27.329 --> 00:29:31.349
Man, I'll tell you. All right, Rob, let's turn

00:29:31.349 --> 00:29:33.670
it over to you while new guy is storming out

00:29:33.670 --> 00:29:36.829
there. Oh, he tripped. I'm looking out the window

00:29:36.829 --> 00:29:39.269
now. He tripped over the bottom step there. Oh,

00:29:39.269 --> 00:29:43.049
shit. Yeah. Yeah, he's pissed. He better not

00:29:43.049 --> 00:29:45.849
smack my car. He's looking at it. Motherfucker,

00:29:45.869 --> 00:29:48.970
you touch my Jeep, I'll kill you. No, he went

00:29:48.970 --> 00:29:53.549
on. Okay. All right, Rob, we're turning it over

00:29:53.549 --> 00:29:56.170
to you, aren't we? So go ahead. Yeah, yeah, it's

00:29:56.170 --> 00:29:59.069
nice having a window in front of you, huh? Yeah.

00:29:59.369 --> 00:30:04.150
I got a window in front of me, too. That way

00:30:04.150 --> 00:30:08.410
I can see if anybody's coming at me. Yeah. Okay,

00:30:08.569 --> 00:30:11.009
well, I'm going to go into Lake of the Ozark.

00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:14.940
Oh, hell yeah. Even though I don't live there

00:30:14.940 --> 00:30:19.259
anymore. This one's an interesting one. Okay.

00:30:19.640 --> 00:30:25.380
I know right where this happened. A distracted

00:30:25.380 --> 00:30:29.019
driver caused a five -vehicle crash in Camden

00:30:29.019 --> 00:30:34.359
County on Monday evening. On January 5th at 7

00:30:34.359 --> 00:30:39.200
.30 p .m., Lake Creek police officers were conducting

00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:44.390
a traffic stop. on Highway 54 near Cross Creek,

00:30:44.630 --> 00:30:49.730
which is up towards the top of the hill by the

00:30:49.730 --> 00:30:54.750
Campton Walmart. Okay. If you know the area.

00:30:56.529 --> 00:30:59.650
Like I said, I used to go there quite a few years

00:30:59.650 --> 00:31:03.309
ago. I had a girlfriend that lived there for

00:31:03.309 --> 00:31:09.569
a while. And I do know, basically, Yeah, yeah,

00:31:09.690 --> 00:31:11.009
I know where you're talking about. Well, Rose

00:31:11.009 --> 00:31:14.329
Creek is pretty much on the backside of Hampton

00:31:14.329 --> 00:31:18.109
Walmart. Yeah, okay, I know about where you're

00:31:18.109 --> 00:31:20.210
at. More or less, you know what I mean? I know

00:31:20.210 --> 00:31:23.569
about where you're at, okay. Well, during the

00:31:23.569 --> 00:31:26.890
traffic stop, a distracted motorist struck a

00:31:26.890 --> 00:31:30.069
vehicle and then struck the officer's vehicle.

00:31:31.309 --> 00:32:51.900
The incident went... Bye. contest. That's what

00:32:51.900 --> 00:32:55.279
we've always been saying. I mean, they must write

00:32:55.279 --> 00:33:22.440
a lot of tickets. That sounds good. I'd love

00:33:22.440 --> 00:33:27.099
to know. Yeah, because that's going to be funny.

00:33:27.480 --> 00:33:31.579
That will be funny. And I would like to know

00:33:31.579 --> 00:33:33.640
if they get another Tesla, if it's maxed out

00:33:33.640 --> 00:33:39.980
or not. Yeah, keep us informed, please. They'll

00:33:39.980 --> 00:33:45.460
probably end up with a Beamer. That'd be even

00:33:45.460 --> 00:33:48.440
funnier to see a Beamer get maxed out, wouldn't

00:33:48.440 --> 00:33:54.759
it? Yeah, yeah. All right. Is that it, Rob? Yeah,

00:33:54.759 --> 00:33:57.900
that was it. All righty. We'll come right back

00:33:57.900 --> 00:34:00.259
with some emails and also the question of the

00:34:00.259 --> 00:34:02.599
week. We got a few responses. Can you believe

00:34:02.599 --> 00:34:08.159
that? Sounds good. All righty. Cool. Wait right

00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:21.929
here. We'll be right back. It's over there. Hey

00:34:21.929 --> 00:34:24.650
there, slap nuts. It's time for the Creeps Music

00:34:24.650 --> 00:34:30.230
News. Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny

00:34:30.230 --> 00:34:34.530
Rohypnol with your music news. John Karabi, former

00:34:34.530 --> 00:34:38.250
lead singer of Motley Crue and The Scream, has

00:34:38.250 --> 00:34:40.989
a new album coming out on April 24th called New

00:34:40.989 --> 00:34:43.989
Day. You can pre -order the album online. The

00:34:43.989 --> 00:34:46.909
effort features guitars like Richard Fortis from

00:34:46.909 --> 00:34:49.769
Guns N' Roses, Paul Taylor from winger Steve

00:34:49.769 --> 00:34:53.530
Perry, On keyboards, Marty Freckerson, producer

00:34:53.530 --> 00:34:56.550
of multi -instrumentalist and Charlie Starr from

00:34:56.550 --> 00:34:59.789
Blackberry Smoke on guitar solos, alongside Evan

00:34:59.789 --> 00:35:02.949
Freckerson on drums and bass. This should be

00:35:02.949 --> 00:35:05.309
a pretty good album. Sure has a lot of talent

00:35:05.309 --> 00:35:09.190
to go with it. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That

00:35:09.190 --> 00:35:11.949
was your music news. And remember, bar chords

00:35:11.949 --> 00:35:18.389
are bullshit. Two douchebags and microphone in

00:35:18.389 --> 00:35:21.530
an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

00:35:21.530 --> 00:35:28.489
you first world problems. Damn it. The city services

00:35:28.489 --> 00:35:32.789
website is down again. I can't believe this.

00:35:32.869 --> 00:35:34.949
I'm going to have to actually call and talk to

00:35:34.949 --> 00:35:39.010
someone to pay my damn trash bill. This is ridiculous.

00:35:39.789 --> 00:35:42.949
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for

00:35:42.949 --> 00:35:45.610
brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.

00:35:47.179 --> 00:35:52.219
A goat farm in Montana has a parrot trained to

00:35:52.219 --> 00:35:58.239
call the goats in for dinner every night. Your

00:35:58.239 --> 00:36:01.260
mama's so fat, when she went out to the pier,

00:36:01.420 --> 00:36:06.820
people tried to board her. Strange, but true.

00:36:07.699 --> 00:36:10.960
In 1994, the U .S. military attempted to develop

00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:13.780
a bomb that would turn the enemy gay using female

00:36:13.780 --> 00:36:16.739
hormones as a weapon. A proposal for a six -year,

00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:20.420
$7 .5 million grant was requested to see if it

00:36:20.420 --> 00:36:22.860
could cause a biological reaction in the troops.

00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:26.400
This is Joshua Belmont, your food for thought

00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:29.920
man on The Hustle. Today, we would like to celebrate

00:36:29.920 --> 00:36:33.820
Mr. Timothy J. Brottux, who is credited for the

00:36:33.820 --> 00:36:38.099
invention of two -ply toilet paper. Because of

00:36:38.099 --> 00:36:41.360
you, Timmy, we no longer have to spend ten minutes

00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:45.260
scrubbing our fingernails after every dump. Mr.

00:36:45.340 --> 00:36:56.000
Brutox, you are a true hero. Oh, Lord! That man

00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:59.440
just sawed a puppy in half! Hey there. Don't

00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:07.960
worry. I have a clown nose. Oh, no! That drunk

00:37:07.960 --> 00:37:12.980
guy just hit my child! It is okay. I have a clown

00:37:12.980 --> 00:37:17.130
nose. Clown Nose, just put one on and you can

00:37:17.130 --> 00:37:20.269
do anything. Want to run for office? Murder people

00:37:20.269 --> 00:37:24.110
in public? Just grab a Clown Nose and bam, everyone

00:37:24.110 --> 00:37:27.090
laughs. Clown Noses are sold at gag stores online

00:37:27.090 --> 00:37:28.789
and pedophile conventions. Grab one today and

00:37:28.789 --> 00:37:32.289
make magic happen. Oh man, what the fuck is this?

00:37:32.289 --> 00:37:36.469
Is this a new feature? What's inside Mark's head?

00:37:37.969 --> 00:37:42.750
Sounds stupid to me. Hmm, is Alanis Morissette

00:37:42.750 --> 00:37:47.579
still pissed off? Have you ever wondered what

00:37:47.579 --> 00:37:49.780
something came about? Have you ever looked at

00:37:49.780 --> 00:37:51.920
something and said, Hey, I wonder what the origin

00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:55.639
of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give

00:37:55.639 --> 00:38:00.440
you The Origin Of. This is the origin of Rob

00:38:00.440 --> 00:38:04.380
Rad's loincloth. Rob used to strip in a nightclub

00:38:04.380 --> 00:38:07.460
called McCock's on the city's east side. Rob

00:38:07.460 --> 00:38:09.820
was the only completely new dancer at the club.

00:38:09.940 --> 00:38:12.079
The other dancers were jealous of Rob making

00:38:12.079 --> 00:38:14.179
all the cash and made him use a loincloth to

00:38:14.179 --> 00:38:16.699
dance with. Rob soon had to wear his loincloth

00:38:16.699 --> 00:38:18.940
daily. He found out that he could get out of

00:38:18.940 --> 00:38:21.559
traffic tickets, sell vinyl siding, and pick

00:38:21.559 --> 00:38:24.059
up hotties at the come and go. Rob now wears

00:38:24.059 --> 00:38:26.579
his loincloth everywhere except work. Sparks

00:38:26.579 --> 00:38:30.440
plus pubic hair equals to bad things. Our constant

00:38:30.440 --> 00:38:33.780
pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange

00:38:33.780 --> 00:38:37.960
insults from an alien. Real hilarity. May every

00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:41.579
time you put on your shoelaces, the laces be

00:38:41.579 --> 00:38:58.070
tied in a knot. This is Two Douchebags, and in

00:38:58.070 --> 00:39:01.510
microphone, I am Mark, here on the Kansas City

00:39:01.510 --> 00:39:05.449
chapter of this here podcast, at the Talk is

00:39:05.449 --> 00:39:08.829
Cheap studio, and I like to make goat noises.

00:39:10.530 --> 00:39:19.170
And I am Rob, in Wheatland, Missouri, home of

00:39:19.170 --> 00:39:23.429
the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and Water

00:39:23.429 --> 00:39:29.300
Track. Also home to the beautiful, well -manucured,

00:39:29.500 --> 00:39:35.940
Highway 54 RV park in the Doug Black studio.

00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:43.139
Excellent. That's as far as I can take it. I'm

00:39:43.139 --> 00:39:46.000
running out of breath. You know what? I scaled

00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:49.360
mine back, too. It just finally is like, okay.

00:39:49.360 --> 00:39:56.079
We agreed I cannot. No, no, no. I agree. I agree.

00:39:57.380 --> 00:40:00.340
Just keep it right there. We're fine. It is a

00:40:00.340 --> 00:40:03.340
beautiful town. That's good. A lot of great people.

00:40:03.559 --> 00:40:08.000
Great people. So, yeah. I'm envious of you. Man,

00:40:08.079 --> 00:40:12.119
that's such beautiful country down there. All

00:40:12.119 --> 00:40:15.679
right. Got some emails here. And then, like I

00:40:15.679 --> 00:40:17.199
said, after that, we're going to go into the

00:40:17.199 --> 00:40:19.159
question of the week, which we're going to start

00:40:19.159 --> 00:40:22.760
trying to do every podcast. So we should have

00:40:22.760 --> 00:40:25.539
one on here. I think I've got one ready. If not,

00:40:25.639 --> 00:40:29.360
then I better get to fucking cracking. So, all

00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:34.300
right. The first one. Mark. Yeah. You remember

00:40:34.300 --> 00:40:39.420
that too. Truth is, that was a good trick. I

00:40:39.420 --> 00:40:42.800
still owe you, asshole. I will come on the show,

00:40:42.880 --> 00:40:45.659
but after I move and get settled in. We'll probably

00:40:45.659 --> 00:40:51.219
be closer to spring. By the way. I never was

00:40:51.219 --> 00:40:53.860
trying to trick you with Clint. I thought you

00:40:53.860 --> 00:40:57.320
all knew it was me all along. I gave you guys

00:40:57.320 --> 00:41:01.639
enough hints. Rob, I still like you much better

00:41:01.639 --> 00:41:07.059
than Mark. Montana Mitch. Got anything, Rob?

00:41:07.460 --> 00:41:09.840
I know why he hates me. I told the story why

00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:15.039
he hates me. You know. Right. Yeah, running in

00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:16.980
a field with a boner thinking a cop's behind

00:41:16.980 --> 00:41:24.929
you. Good trick. Pisses people off, though. Montana

00:41:24.929 --> 00:41:28.190
Mitch now, I guess, is his name. He claims he

00:41:28.190 --> 00:41:30.389
wasn't trying to fool us with that fake email

00:41:30.389 --> 00:41:33.269
and Clint, but I don't believe him. I think he

00:41:33.269 --> 00:41:36.989
was, and he got busted. What do you think? I

00:41:36.989 --> 00:41:43.070
don't know. But I'm glad he finally kept it clean.

00:41:43.710 --> 00:41:47.449
Yeah, well, he let loose with a little bit too

00:41:47.449 --> 00:41:51.630
much information, and I don't think he... Yeah,

00:41:51.630 --> 00:41:58.110
because if I remember right, I liked you a lot,

00:41:58.170 --> 00:42:01.710
and we were pretty tight. Well, I liked him a

00:42:01.710 --> 00:42:04.469
lot, too. I liked him a lot, too, but, you know,

00:42:04.489 --> 00:42:07.630
like I explained to him, you know, that was Denise's

00:42:07.630 --> 00:42:10.489
car, and he was in there fucking trying to bang

00:42:10.489 --> 00:42:13.869
that chick in the back, which wasn't cool. It

00:42:13.869 --> 00:42:15.849
was her car. She didn't want that car. Okay,

00:42:15.849 --> 00:42:21.420
okay, wait a second. blonde -haired bus girl.

00:42:21.940 --> 00:42:26.199
Okay, okay, bus girl. Okay. No, no, no, not your

00:42:26.199 --> 00:42:34.239
ex. We went over this. No, no, no, not her. She

00:42:34.239 --> 00:42:38.260
is a bus girl. Yeah, I need my memory kicked

00:42:38.260 --> 00:42:42.900
here. Yeah, yeah, and you know, the best thing

00:42:42.900 --> 00:42:45.219
to do was just do what I did. Pump the brakes,

00:42:45.340 --> 00:42:47.909
say fuck, and then They take it on themselves

00:42:47.909 --> 00:42:49.849
to think it's a cop. And then when I go cop,

00:42:50.010 --> 00:42:52.389
they're sure it's a cop. And, you know, and they

00:42:52.389 --> 00:42:54.829
got their pants, all that stuff, you know. But

00:42:54.829 --> 00:42:57.869
anyhow, I explained to him, hey, you know what?

00:42:57.929 --> 00:42:59.469
I mean, how would you like it if someone's trying

00:42:59.469 --> 00:43:01.650
to fucking bang in your backseat and getting

00:43:01.650 --> 00:43:04.750
that gunk everywhere and all that? So anyhow.

00:43:05.809 --> 00:43:09.469
All right. Next one. Hey, Mark, which coffee

00:43:09.469 --> 00:43:12.909
is your favorite? Iced, frappe, or hot? Rossington

00:43:12.909 --> 00:43:16.590
in Dallas. Ross, thank you. What's up, Ross?

00:43:18.429 --> 00:43:20.809
And also, Rob, you answered yours too. I know

00:43:20.809 --> 00:43:23.010
you're a sweet tea guy, but if you drank coffee,

00:43:23.250 --> 00:43:25.750
which would it be? Would it be hot? Would it

00:43:25.750 --> 00:43:32.510
be iced or frappe? Actually, you see, for many

00:43:32.510 --> 00:43:49.840
years, I think I drank like three pots. Me too.

00:43:50.039 --> 00:43:52.679
So I'm going to have to go with the ice because

00:43:52.679 --> 00:43:56.380
my stomach cannot handle that heat no more. I

00:43:56.380 --> 00:44:00.000
think it's the heat. It is. I don't know. It

00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:02.980
hurts my stomach. It gives me GERD horribly.

00:44:02.980 --> 00:44:07.880
Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. It just makes me

00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:12.039
want to purple over. And vomit. I mean, yeah.

00:44:12.039 --> 00:44:14.820
I'm like cramping sore, you know. No, I... I

00:44:14.820 --> 00:44:17.039
agree. And that's the same with me, too. Same

00:44:17.039 --> 00:44:20.719
answer as Rob. But I think it's the heat. Yeah.

00:44:20.860 --> 00:44:23.900
It is the heat. Because I can drink iced coffee.

00:44:24.659 --> 00:44:30.500
Actually, I'm more of a cappuccino. I love cappuccino.

00:44:30.519 --> 00:44:33.940
Yep. I'm more of a cappuccino, to be honest.

00:44:34.840 --> 00:44:38.159
The more mocha I can get, the better. I agree

00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:42.780
with you, Rob. I like a good frappe, too. But

00:44:42.780 --> 00:44:44.699
it's got to be made right. It can't be sugary.

00:44:44.980 --> 00:44:48.340
They make other ones. Like coffee shops I go

00:44:48.340 --> 00:44:50.679
to, like City Market Coffee and all that, they're

00:44:50.679 --> 00:44:55.860
not real sugary. Right. And not like the Starbucks

00:44:55.860 --> 00:44:58.280
stuff that's like, I don't know, has 10 pounds

00:44:58.280 --> 00:45:01.400
of fucking sugar in a little cup. I mean, to

00:45:01.400 --> 00:45:03.639
me, that stuff's gross. Yeah, just like McDonald's

00:45:03.639 --> 00:45:06.599
or anywhere else. Yeah, it's gross. It's too

00:45:06.599 --> 00:45:09.119
sweet to me. Now, if you go to a good coffee

00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:12.559
shop, a good frappe is... I like that, and I'll

00:45:12.559 --> 00:45:15.400
order it occasionally. But with you, Rob, I like

00:45:15.400 --> 00:45:18.960
an iced coffee that has a good flavor. There's

00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:21.360
like Messenger Coffee around Kansas City, City

00:45:21.360 --> 00:45:25.559
Market Coffee Roasters. There's another spot

00:45:25.559 --> 00:45:28.079
that I found that I really like. Besides, there's

00:45:28.079 --> 00:45:32.920
a place up the road. Let's see, what is the name

00:45:32.920 --> 00:45:37.199
of it? I can't think of the name of it. But there's

00:45:37.199 --> 00:45:39.119
another one called The Filling Station that's

00:45:39.119 --> 00:45:43.940
really good. So, I mean, there's a lot of good

00:45:43.940 --> 00:45:47.599
coffees around. So, all right. Mark, what flavor

00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:50.199
of dip is the best for chicken nuggets? Wesley

00:45:50.199 --> 00:45:52.099
in Chattanooga. All right, Rob, I'm going to

00:45:52.099 --> 00:45:54.019
defer that to you first, and then I'll tell you

00:45:54.019 --> 00:45:57.780
mine. For chicken nuggets. For chicken nuggets.

00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:06.820
No. Crow's Coffee is the name of it right up

00:46:06.820 --> 00:46:14.949
the road. I heard. I would have to go with a

00:46:14.949 --> 00:46:22.050
barbecue sauce. We'll just say at lunch I grab

00:46:22.050 --> 00:46:27.190
some chicken nuggets at Casey's. I would grab

00:46:27.190 --> 00:46:31.170
the Sweet Baby Ray's. Oh, okay. That's a good

00:46:31.170 --> 00:46:37.230
choice. That's what they have. Oh, okay. Sweet

00:46:37.230 --> 00:46:49.550
Baby Ray's is good. Yeah, yeah. I don't eat chicken

00:46:49.550 --> 00:46:51.769
nuggets. It's not ground up chicken assholes.

00:46:51.869 --> 00:46:54.210
It's not ground up chicken assholes with glue.

00:46:54.409 --> 00:46:59.289
I agree. I mean, I got the kids raised. I don't

00:46:59.289 --> 00:47:04.070
have to eat chicken nuggets anymore. Yeah, good

00:47:04.070 --> 00:47:07.329
point. I ate enough. Good point. I got tired

00:47:07.329 --> 00:47:11.610
of them. Wesley in Chattanooga. Wasn't an interesting

00:47:11.610 --> 00:47:13.670
question. I'm going to go. Thank you, Wesley.

00:47:14.070 --> 00:47:18.289
Yeah, thank you. If I remember correctly, didn't

00:47:18.289 --> 00:47:21.849
he email us about a month ago? I remember the

00:47:21.849 --> 00:47:25.630
name Wesley and Chad and Nuga. I believe he did.

00:47:26.130 --> 00:47:34.610
It doesn't matter. Okay. I'm going to go with

00:47:34.610 --> 00:47:37.510
honey mustard, unless there's a really good spicy

00:47:37.510 --> 00:47:42.469
brown mustard. I'll use that. Yeah, but I also

00:47:42.469 --> 00:47:45.130
love barbecue sauce with them. Either way, you

00:47:45.130 --> 00:47:48.010
can't go wrong. Ranch is good. If it's a really

00:47:48.010 --> 00:47:50.010
good buttermilk ranch, I can deal with that,

00:47:50.030 --> 00:47:54.070
too. If you're eating nuggets, you need to go

00:47:54.070 --> 00:47:57.570
ketchup. Who cares? Yeah, ketchup is great, too.

00:47:57.710 --> 00:48:01.789
Depends on what you've got available. Alright,

00:48:02.349 --> 00:48:05.429
next one. The music news segment blows. You only

00:48:05.429 --> 00:48:09.250
cover rock music. Jimbo in Houston. Not true.

00:48:10.059 --> 00:48:14.260
Rob is our country guy, and he does... Yeah,

00:48:14.320 --> 00:48:20.420
and I have not gotten on any of it yet. It's

00:48:20.420 --> 00:48:22.480
a little busy, everybody knows that. Yeah, yeah.

00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:27.000
But I will get on that. I will get on some country

00:48:27.000 --> 00:48:30.079
news. Yeah, so, yeah, just give Rob... Country

00:48:30.079 --> 00:48:36.010
and other genres. Yeah. Yeah, that is Rob's department,

00:48:36.250 --> 00:48:38.630
and we love Rob doing it. He does a great job,

00:48:38.809 --> 00:48:43.409
so there you go. Yeah, my life is just now starting

00:48:43.409 --> 00:48:47.809
to settle down. Yeah, and you're starting to

00:48:47.809 --> 00:48:51.369
sound a little bit more calm now. Yeah, trust

00:48:51.369 --> 00:48:54.409
me, I am. You always sounded happy and everything.

00:48:54.590 --> 00:48:57.489
You just sounded like you were being run pretty

00:48:57.489 --> 00:49:30.590
ragged there, and I understand. Yeah, yeah. Thanksgiving

00:49:30.590 --> 00:49:37.110
in there, too. So, yeah. All right. Next one.

00:49:38.250 --> 00:49:42.489
Douches. What is the best steak sauce? A157 or

00:49:42.489 --> 00:49:46.690
something else? Ronnie in Tulsa. The Tulsa King.

00:49:46.889 --> 00:50:02.590
Thank you, Ronnie. Rob, what's yours? like A1

00:50:02.590 --> 00:50:08.610
myself. A1's my favorite. A1, yeah, A1, but there's

00:50:08.610 --> 00:50:12.150
others. I just can't pick them. We'll go with

00:50:12.150 --> 00:50:17.309
A1. Okay, the same here, A1. This is interesting

00:50:17.309 --> 00:50:21.050
because we had chicken nuggets with flavor and

00:50:21.050 --> 00:50:24.710
dip, and then Ronnie in Tulsa wants to know about

00:50:24.710 --> 00:50:27.809
the steak sauce. It's cool how, it's interesting

00:50:27.809 --> 00:50:30.389
how stuff like this lumps together for some reason.

00:50:34.940 --> 00:50:38.420
Yeah, for no apparent reason. Weird, but very

00:50:38.420 --> 00:50:43.400
cool. Thank you, Ronnie. A1's our vote. Send

00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:49.699
me back a reply. Yeah, he is the best. Oh, I

00:50:49.699 --> 00:50:51.980
can't. Okay, forget it. I can't talk about it

00:50:51.980 --> 00:50:57.760
yet. No, no, no. I didn't tell you. Hang on.

00:50:57.880 --> 00:51:02.340
Let me pause this. Hang on. All right, that's

00:51:02.340 --> 00:51:04.019
what I was talking about, Rob. Is that cool?

00:51:04.239 --> 00:51:08.000
Okay, okay. Yo, that sounds great to me. Yeah.

00:51:08.039 --> 00:51:10.260
Sounds great. Yeah, he didn't tell me to say

00:51:10.260 --> 00:51:14.380
anything, so I'm not going to. No, no, but now

00:51:14.380 --> 00:51:18.760
I know. That's awesome. Yeah, I know he doesn't

00:51:18.760 --> 00:51:21.159
care if you know, so. All right. Right, right.

00:51:21.360 --> 00:51:25.820
It stays right here. Yep. Next one. When is the

00:51:25.820 --> 00:51:29.780
proper time to use Find China? Skip in Jacksonville.

00:51:30.909 --> 00:51:33.050
Rob, I'll let you go first, and then I'll have

00:51:33.050 --> 00:51:36.889
my answer. Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's

00:51:36.889 --> 00:51:39.969
it. I'm going to say out in your front yard with

00:51:39.969 --> 00:51:45.070
a $2 price tag written on it. That's how you

00:51:45.070 --> 00:51:50.949
use your fine china. That's just me. I forgot

00:51:50.949 --> 00:51:57.710
the redneck version. Yeah, yeah. That's my fine

00:51:57.710 --> 00:52:04.719
china. Yes. Time to practice. I've never been

00:52:04.719 --> 00:52:07.920
a fan of breaking out China for any type of event

00:52:07.920 --> 00:52:11.500
at all. Hell no. Fuck no. Nobody cares. You know

00:52:11.500 --> 00:52:13.480
what they care about? That damn piece of meat

00:52:13.480 --> 00:52:17.320
on that plate. That's what they care about. They

00:52:17.320 --> 00:52:18.920
care about the potatoes on it. They care about

00:52:18.920 --> 00:52:22.340
the stuff covering the plate. Yes, not the plate

00:52:22.340 --> 00:52:26.280
itself. And usually it's a mess when they're

00:52:26.280 --> 00:52:30.619
done, so you still don't see it. Yeah, so. There

00:52:30.619 --> 00:52:35.219
you go. All right. Next one. Help. Every time

00:52:35.219 --> 00:52:39.619
I see a Danny DeVito on TV, I crave... What does

00:52:39.619 --> 00:52:43.179
he mean, every time I see a Danny? A Danny DeVito.

00:52:43.739 --> 00:52:45.619
I don't know what he means. Every time I see

00:52:45.619 --> 00:52:48.480
Danny DeVito on TV. Okay, I think he put A in

00:52:48.480 --> 00:52:52.400
there by accident. Okay. Every time I see Danny

00:52:52.400 --> 00:52:56.500
DeVito on TV, I crave a Jersey Mike sub. What

00:52:56.500 --> 00:53:00.260
can I do to help this? I say submit. Go buy a

00:53:00.260 --> 00:53:03.739
Jersey Mike sub. Yes, submit. Go buy one. I wish

00:53:03.739 --> 00:53:05.780
I had an Italian sub from there right now. I'd

00:53:05.780 --> 00:53:09.760
be very happy. Okay, so we're in agreement, right,

00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:13.500
Rob? Go fucking get one. Yeah. Go get one. Go

00:53:13.500 --> 00:53:16.099
get one. Yeah, there's a few of them around town.

00:53:16.579 --> 00:53:20.039
It's a calling. Yeah, yeah. You have to obey

00:53:20.039 --> 00:53:23.880
your hunger. You know, like Sprite used to have,

00:53:23.920 --> 00:53:26.420
they obey your thirst. Obey your hunger. There

00:53:26.420 --> 00:53:32.010
you go. Go get one. Enjoy it. Next one. Rob,

00:53:32.170 --> 00:53:35.369
could you ship a trailer axle to me pronto? I

00:53:35.369 --> 00:53:38.610
need one badly and my cat ate my checkbook. I'll

00:53:38.610 --> 00:53:40.889
pay you later. Please and thank you. You're the

00:53:40.889 --> 00:53:47.449
best. Terry in Memphis. Who? Terry in Memphis.

00:53:47.809 --> 00:53:54.110
I don't know. First off, Terry, I need to know

00:53:54.110 --> 00:54:01.530
what size axle. Yeah. They all are different

00:54:01.530 --> 00:54:08.230
sizes. You got three lug. You got four lug, five

00:54:08.230 --> 00:54:13.050
lug. How big a trailer is it? I need to know.

00:54:14.869 --> 00:54:23.030
Right back. Yeah, we can do it. See? Rob's easy

00:54:23.030 --> 00:54:29.329
to work with like that. He cares. And actually,

00:54:29.590 --> 00:54:31.989
since you're a listener, I'll get you a discount

00:54:31.989 --> 00:54:38.150
on it. See? Oh, no, no, no. The cat ate his checkbook,

00:54:38.170 --> 00:54:41.130
so he'll have to catch you later. That's what

00:54:41.130 --> 00:55:02.380
he said. Are you going to do it? And then I will

00:55:02.380 --> 00:55:05.139
get you a price, and then we will go from there.

00:55:06.820 --> 00:55:11.300
I'm willing to do it. I'll get it my cost. Just

00:55:11.300 --> 00:55:15.780
because you're a listener. Alright. Rob, you're

00:55:15.780 --> 00:55:18.719
a good man for that, too. Alright, that's all

00:55:18.719 --> 00:55:21.079
of the emails, but I have the question of the

00:55:21.079 --> 00:55:28.739
week emails. Alright. I believe if I remember

00:55:28.739 --> 00:55:32.699
the spot correctly is, it said something like

00:55:32.699 --> 00:55:37.019
this. You wake up late for work and you have

00:55:37.019 --> 00:55:40.699
to time manage really quickly to get to work

00:55:40.699 --> 00:55:43.239
on time. So you got to brush your teeth, take

00:55:43.239 --> 00:55:46.659
your meds, you got to take a dump. So what it

00:55:46.659 --> 00:55:49.059
was asking is, is it all right to brush your

00:55:49.059 --> 00:55:52.679
teeth while taking a dump? First, Rob, what do

00:55:52.679 --> 00:56:02.840
you say? It's two different hands. They never

00:56:02.840 --> 00:56:06.300
get near each other. One's clean, one's dirty.

00:56:06.559 --> 00:56:10.099
You just clean the other end. Yeah, I will not

00:56:10.099 --> 00:56:14.980
store my toothbrush where the sewer mist is going

00:56:14.980 --> 00:56:22.579
to be prevalent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got

00:56:22.579 --> 00:56:25.260
to have it a way to where when someone flushes,

00:56:25.260 --> 00:56:27.460
the fecal matter doesn't float in the air and

00:56:27.460 --> 00:56:31.119
all that stuff in the mist. No, no. I totally

00:56:31.119 --> 00:56:34.960
agree. Yes. Go for it. Same here. I agree, too.

00:56:35.179 --> 00:56:37.900
But there's a lot of people who don't think like

00:56:37.900 --> 00:56:40.000
that. Let me get to it. We have, let's see, one,

00:56:40.079 --> 00:56:43.840
two, three, four. We have four replies. I'm pretty

00:56:43.840 --> 00:56:46.239
impressed with that. Four people bothered to

00:56:46.239 --> 00:56:48.719
answer, Rob. That's pretty good. I think it is.

00:56:48.800 --> 00:56:54.239
Wow. Yeah. Okay, Rich in Boston states, no fucking

00:56:54.239 --> 00:57:02.780
way. Gross as hell. Connie doesn't say where

00:57:02.780 --> 00:57:06.380
she's from. Connie said, I won't even leave my

00:57:06.380 --> 00:57:08.579
toothbrush in the bathroom because of fecal mist.

00:57:08.780 --> 00:57:14.619
Oh, same thing. Yep. Nasty. Next one. I used

00:57:14.619 --> 00:57:17.880
to, until I read an article about E. coli mist

00:57:17.880 --> 00:57:21.400
in the air when you flush number two. Jenny and

00:57:21.400 --> 00:57:25.159
St. Louis. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

00:57:25.300 --> 00:57:29.639
And then, finally, never, never, never in capitals,

00:57:29.639 --> 00:57:32.079
so he's screaming, never, never, never, Josh

00:57:32.079 --> 00:57:36.320
and Orlando. Nobody, we're the only two that

00:57:36.320 --> 00:57:39.420
said they, you know, and ours has stipulations,

00:57:39.519 --> 00:57:41.579
you know, we have to have our toothbrush well

00:57:41.579 --> 00:57:44.320
away from the toilet and all that stuff. Yeah,

00:57:44.320 --> 00:57:48.619
it's got to be a little ways away. If ours reads,

00:57:48.840 --> 00:58:06.929
then you can read. Was it alright? I'll never

00:58:06.929 --> 00:58:11.989
do it again. I guess not. That kind of surprised

00:58:11.989 --> 00:58:15.389
me. All four of them were like a solid no. Wow,

00:58:15.469 --> 00:58:20.889
it jumped all over it. Awesome. So the next question,

00:58:20.989 --> 00:58:22.510
I'm going to have to figure out something. I

00:58:22.510 --> 00:58:24.690
think I may have one made up already. I want

00:58:24.690 --> 00:58:26.369
to make sure it's really good, though, because

00:58:26.369 --> 00:58:28.670
this question I felt was really good. It got

00:58:28.670 --> 00:58:32.010
four people to bite on the first one, on the

00:58:32.010 --> 00:58:34.269
first one we've ever done. So I'm pretty excited

00:58:34.269 --> 00:58:37.269
about that. All right, Rob, let's turn it over

00:58:37.269 --> 00:58:43.429
to you. Well, you know what time it is. Yes,

00:58:43.429 --> 00:58:58.869
I do. Yay, best segment ever. Anywhere. Oh, this

00:58:58.869 --> 00:59:59.340
is something I did not know. Okay. He's talking

00:59:59.340 --> 01:00:03.420
about physics. Physics, physicist. Yeah, there

01:00:03.420 --> 01:00:06.239
you go. I always have a hard time with that word.

01:00:07.400 --> 01:00:14.460
Provided this in 1958, capturing the moment a

01:00:14.460 --> 01:00:21.619
common tool breaks the sound barrier. Wow. So

01:00:21.619 --> 01:00:24.599
a whip actually breaks the sound barrier, and

01:00:24.599 --> 01:00:33.480
that's the sound it makes. That's insane. All

01:00:33.480 --> 01:00:36.820
right, let's reach for number two. All right.

01:00:39.360 --> 01:00:45.340
Oh, God, that was nasty. Your bag of garbage?

01:00:45.400 --> 01:00:48.019
I don't know what the hell's in the bottom of

01:00:48.019 --> 01:00:55.420
this here. Okay. It's wet and slimy. I don't

01:00:55.420 --> 01:01:49.909
want to know. All right. I bet it is. That's

01:01:49.909 --> 01:01:55.429
a meteorite. Oh, my God. Her whole side is like

01:01:55.429 --> 01:01:58.730
black. Well, it's a black and white picture.

01:02:00.570 --> 01:02:07.210
Okay, but still. All right. Yeah, that's all

01:02:07.210 --> 01:02:10.389
for Rob's bag of garbage this evening. All right.

01:02:10.389 --> 01:02:13.050
Thank you, Rob. Let's go ahead and go to our

01:02:13.050 --> 01:02:15.070
second break, and I'm going to come back with

01:02:15.070 --> 01:02:19.590
a, hopefully, story that people like. All right,

01:02:19.610 --> 01:02:31.590
we'll talk to you in a minute. The apocalypse

01:02:31.590 --> 01:02:35.449
just happened. You don't know what to do. You

01:02:35.449 --> 01:02:38.190
don't know where to go. But we can tell you what

01:02:38.190 --> 01:02:43.369
you can eat. Okay, it's post -apocalypse, and

01:02:43.369 --> 01:02:45.289
you're walking down the barren wasteland that

01:02:45.289 --> 01:02:48.980
used to be a city. You find an old can of beans

01:02:48.980 --> 01:02:52.119
lying in the middle of the road, but you do not

01:02:52.119 --> 01:02:56.320
have a can opener. What you do then is you find

01:02:56.320 --> 01:02:59.480
a patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can

01:02:59.480 --> 01:03:02.860
for five minutes, then you go to the middle of

01:03:02.860 --> 01:03:05.920
the can and squeeze it, and it should pop right

01:03:05.920 --> 01:03:09.960
open. As much fun as an electric can opener to

01:03:09.960 --> 01:03:12.300
the scrotum, two douchebags and a microphone.

01:03:15.559 --> 01:03:19.219
Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard. It's

01:03:19.219 --> 01:03:21.800
also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen.

01:03:22.179 --> 01:03:25.440
But Mark would like to tell you, if you see any

01:03:25.440 --> 01:03:29.179
pictures of him roofing ibuprofen, it's obviously

01:03:29.179 --> 01:03:31.599
fake and you're to take the pictures and tear

01:03:31.599 --> 01:03:35.940
them up immediately. Swimming in toxic masculinity

01:03:35.940 --> 01:03:38.599
and wiping their ass with politically correct

01:03:38.599 --> 01:03:42.039
wash rags. Two douchebags and a microphone invade

01:03:42.039 --> 01:03:47.659
your ear holes in three, two... One. And now,

01:03:47.840 --> 01:03:55.300
Deep Thoughts with Mark. Coffee flavored water

01:03:55.300 --> 01:03:58.960
doesn't sound good, but that's exactly what coffee

01:03:58.960 --> 01:04:08.599
is. That is weird. Love them or hate them, the

01:04:08.599 --> 01:04:11.139
NFL has it dialed in on entertainment and everything.

01:04:11.360 --> 01:04:14.820
It really does. You know, I used to follow the

01:04:14.820 --> 01:04:17.900
NFL very closely. I could tell you, you know,

01:04:17.900 --> 01:04:20.219
pretty much the starting players on any team.

01:04:20.579 --> 01:04:23.179
And on a Monday, I could tell you who played

01:04:23.179 --> 01:04:26.559
who and what the score was. At the time, it was

01:04:26.559 --> 01:04:30.280
important to me, and I really enjoyed it. Right

01:04:30.280 --> 01:04:32.219
now, it's... Well, the birds are having a party.

01:04:32.440 --> 01:04:36.539
Yes, they are. Anyhow. But right now, it's just

01:04:36.539 --> 01:04:40.139
not that important to me. I enjoy watching it.

01:04:40.599 --> 01:04:43.739
But I have trouble sticking with it through the

01:04:43.739 --> 01:04:47.599
commercial breaks. That's a huge issue that I've

01:04:47.599 --> 01:04:50.519
noticed too. I mean, unless it's the Chiefs,

01:04:50.519 --> 01:04:53.099
you know, and it could be a very important game

01:04:53.099 --> 01:04:55.980
even. You know, it could be like divisional playoffs

01:04:55.980 --> 01:04:59.099
and our next opponent is going to be whoever

01:04:59.099 --> 01:05:02.059
wins. I still, if they do the back -to -back

01:05:02.059 --> 01:05:04.000
commercials where they come back and they have

01:05:04.000 --> 01:05:07.260
a timeout for a call and then they come back

01:05:07.260 --> 01:05:09.650
for the two -minute warning. Then they come back

01:05:09.650 --> 01:05:13.329
another time out. It's like, no. Yeah. My favorite,

01:05:13.369 --> 01:05:16.449
favorite as in ironic or sarcastically favorite,

01:05:16.670 --> 01:05:19.269
is a team will score a touchdown, kick the extra

01:05:19.269 --> 01:05:21.170
point, and then they go to a long commercial

01:05:21.170 --> 01:05:24.309
break, come back, have to kick off and run back,

01:05:24.449 --> 01:05:27.329
go to a commercial break again. Yes. It's like,

01:05:27.329 --> 01:05:31.650
seriously. They kicked the ball off. It went

01:05:31.650 --> 01:05:34.260
into the end zone for a touchback. The clock

01:05:34.260 --> 01:05:37.079
never even started on the game. So literally

01:05:37.079 --> 01:05:41.099
no time has lasted in the game. Here we go to

01:05:41.099 --> 01:05:42.780
another commercial break. Oh, I know. It drives

01:05:42.780 --> 01:05:45.719
me nuts. Yeah, the last two minutes last as long

01:05:45.719 --> 01:05:49.159
as the first three quarters. I've got a question

01:05:49.159 --> 01:05:52.800
along that line. Do you find out? Okay, well,

01:05:52.900 --> 01:05:57.500
this is just would you or not. The NFL. Now,

01:05:57.559 --> 01:06:00.059
it had been talked about before, and I've thought

01:06:00.059 --> 01:06:03.599
about it too, and I have my answer. I think I

01:06:03.599 --> 01:06:05.820
know what I do, but it depends on a couple of

01:06:05.820 --> 01:06:11.059
things. But anyhow, okay. Now, it's been talked

01:06:11.059 --> 01:06:14.260
about, like, you can pay for the games for a

01:06:14.260 --> 01:06:18.360
subscription. Oh, yeah. That is not a commercial

01:06:18.360 --> 01:06:21.039
fee. You know, like you can go on Amazon and

01:06:21.039 --> 01:06:23.340
it'll go, do you want the free version? Would

01:06:23.340 --> 01:06:25.500
you have the Geico and the progressive commercials

01:06:25.500 --> 01:06:28.880
in the middle of it? Yeah. And, you know, every

01:06:28.880 --> 01:06:32.599
five minutes you get a... homeowner turning into

01:06:32.599 --> 01:06:36.000
their parents or, you know, or that flow or something.

01:06:36.199 --> 01:06:37.739
Don't forget the boner pills. You always get

01:06:37.739 --> 01:06:40.840
the ads for the boner pills. Yep. So, yeah, you

01:06:40.840 --> 01:06:42.320
get these in the middle of them every, like,

01:06:42.360 --> 01:06:45.500
three or four minutes. So, okay, would you pay?

01:06:46.119 --> 01:06:49.300
And how much would you pay tops per year to not

01:06:49.300 --> 01:06:51.780
have all those annoying commercials? Where football,

01:06:52.179 --> 01:06:54.119
I don't know what they do. They just keep it.

01:06:54.400 --> 01:06:57.539
right there on the field and show what each team's

01:06:57.539 --> 01:07:01.099
doing. Like, I don't know, let's say Andy Reid's

01:07:01.099 --> 01:07:04.239
over there talking to Mahomes and it's real spirited.

01:07:04.380 --> 01:07:06.860
They're both like using their hands, you know.

01:07:07.420 --> 01:07:11.480
Or, interesting thought. Think back to the early

01:07:11.480 --> 01:07:17.739
days of satellite TV. When it wasn't really an

01:07:17.739 --> 01:07:21.099
established industry, it's just people realized.

01:07:21.639 --> 01:07:24.280
hey, we can build and construct these satellite

01:07:24.280 --> 01:07:27.000
dishes cheaply enough to sell to individuals,

01:07:27.239 --> 01:07:29.880
and they can aim it at the same satellites that

01:07:29.880 --> 01:07:32.440
the networks are using and get their network

01:07:32.440 --> 01:07:37.820
feed. And by getting the network feed, you avoid

01:07:37.820 --> 01:07:42.980
all the commercials. And you also get to see

01:07:42.980 --> 01:07:46.960
what's going on during the commercial break of

01:07:46.960 --> 01:07:50.030
live sporting events. You know, they usually

01:07:50.030 --> 01:07:52.329
keep the cameras on. So people were watching

01:07:52.329 --> 01:07:54.130
Monday Night Football and then they'd see the

01:07:54.130 --> 01:07:56.590
host say, okay, you know, we'll be back after

01:07:56.590 --> 01:07:59.110
these messages. And the people watching this

01:07:59.110 --> 01:08:02.650
brand new satellite TV, they'd see the guys just

01:08:02.650 --> 01:08:04.949
standing around shuffling their papers, you know,

01:08:04.969 --> 01:08:06.949
and say, oh, that player was kind of a mess,

01:08:07.030 --> 01:08:08.610
wasn't he? Yeah, he was scratching his balls

01:08:08.610 --> 01:08:11.840
earlier. All the stuff that they never intended

01:08:11.840 --> 01:08:15.139
to go out on the air, but it was being broadcast,

01:08:15.500 --> 01:08:18.140
unencrypted, free and clear from their satellites.

01:08:18.479 --> 01:08:20.640
I do remember. You're talking about the huge

01:08:20.640 --> 01:08:22.920
satellites that used to have to turn. Right.

01:08:22.979 --> 01:08:27.420
Those big 10 to 12 foot diameter ones. Some of

01:08:27.420 --> 01:08:30.079
them were mesh and some of them were solid. Paper

01:08:30.079 --> 01:08:35.600
machines. Yeah. Shotguns. Fiberglass. Yeah. And

01:08:35.600 --> 01:08:39.039
then I remember there was a Larry King show.

01:08:39.529 --> 01:08:44.350
where Larry King had gone off about the people

01:08:44.350 --> 01:08:47.109
watching on these satellite devices and they

01:08:47.109 --> 01:08:51.350
were pirates and they were stealing the signal.

01:08:51.569 --> 01:08:55.109
Oh, that would make me feel good. And everybody

01:08:55.109 --> 01:08:58.689
who was calling in to the Larry King show was

01:08:58.689 --> 01:09:02.649
saying, well, I did have a question, but I guess

01:09:02.649 --> 01:09:05.010
since I'm just a pirate and no good thief, I

01:09:05.010 --> 01:09:07.609
guess you don't want to hear from me. Caller

01:09:07.609 --> 01:09:10.859
after caller. was doing that because Larry King

01:09:10.859 --> 01:09:13.439
had a call -in show. And his callers were saying,

01:09:13.520 --> 01:09:16.500
I'm watching on one of your illegal satellites

01:09:16.500 --> 01:09:18.899
that you talk about, so I must be a pirate in

01:09:18.899 --> 01:09:23.739
this gum bag. So he quit taking calls. And here

01:09:23.739 --> 01:09:25.779
was this Larry King show. You know how he showed

01:09:25.779 --> 01:09:29.399
the phone bank there? The thing was, every light

01:09:29.399 --> 01:09:32.979
was blinking like crazy. He's refusing to take

01:09:32.979 --> 01:09:36.399
any calls, and therefore running out of things

01:09:36.399 --> 01:09:39.399
to say with his guests. And I asked my uncle,

01:09:39.539 --> 01:09:41.539
who was watching this on one of those satellite

01:09:41.539 --> 01:09:44.119
devices, what's going on? And he said, and he

01:09:44.119 --> 01:09:46.920
explained how Larry King just insulted the majority

01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:49.859
of his viewing audience by calling them thieves

01:09:49.859 --> 01:09:53.560
and pirates. So then the networks... Well, I

01:09:53.560 --> 01:09:55.560
could have called him a thief for taking money

01:09:55.560 --> 01:10:00.460
for his show. Wow, little lowrider wannabe riding

01:10:00.460 --> 01:10:02.739
with his little toy motorcycles. Look at that

01:10:02.739 --> 01:10:05.439
little fat bitch on that little bike. Yeah. Go

01:10:05.439 --> 01:10:07.079
over there and just push him over and watch him

01:10:07.079 --> 01:10:10.439
skin his knees. Hey dude, really sorry you have

01:10:10.439 --> 01:10:12.859
such a tiny penis. You gotta ride one of those.

01:10:13.300 --> 01:10:17.779
Sorry, sucks for you. Oh, but you know, Larry

01:10:17.779 --> 01:10:20.850
King was stealing money. from the network to

01:10:20.850 --> 01:10:23.310
pay them to have that god -awful show, too. Yeah,

01:10:23.329 --> 01:10:25.229
okay. So, they've been two different ways. I

01:10:25.229 --> 01:10:27.250
mean, it's like, look, I'm stealing your god

01:10:27.250 --> 01:10:29.189
-awful show, but you're stealing money from the

01:10:29.189 --> 01:10:33.470
network. So, oh, yeah, and then the networks

01:10:33.470 --> 01:10:34.909
got smart and said, okay, we're going to start

01:10:34.909 --> 01:10:36.869
encrypting our signals. Yeah, I remember that.

01:10:36.869 --> 01:10:39.710
And that spawned a huge industry of decoding

01:10:39.710 --> 01:10:43.010
boxes. Decoding, yep. And, you know, it was like,

01:10:43.189 --> 01:10:45.149
you know, the people inventing steroids and the

01:10:45.149 --> 01:10:47.670
people inventing the story tests. It's an arms

01:10:47.670 --> 01:10:51.159
race. Or, modern day, unlock fire sticks yeah

01:10:51.159 --> 01:10:53.539
there's like someone's like oh yeah you know

01:10:53.539 --> 01:10:56.479
what i'll go in here and i'm gonna unlock everything

01:10:56.479 --> 01:10:58.420
and then they catch up with it and then the fire

01:10:58.420 --> 01:11:03.479
stick can bob yeah john somewhere you know no

01:11:03.479 --> 01:11:06.460
good then you buy another one from bill somewhere

01:11:06.460 --> 01:11:09.720
and yeah so they had that war for a while with

01:11:09.720 --> 01:11:12.300
the decoding boxes and finally someone gets fired

01:11:12.300 --> 01:11:15.180
and said you know what this is here to stay we

01:11:15.180 --> 01:11:19.210
need to find a way to regulate it and monetize

01:11:19.210 --> 01:11:23.289
it in mainstream. And that's where you got, you

01:11:23.289 --> 01:11:25.949
know, set dish TV and direct TV and those things

01:11:25.949 --> 01:11:28.970
started showing up. And it was like overnight,

01:11:29.109 --> 01:11:32.550
those giant satellite dishes you were seeing

01:11:32.550 --> 01:11:35.449
in people's backyards were just junk. People

01:11:35.449 --> 01:11:38.109
were trying to sell them. Nobody wanted them.

01:11:38.229 --> 01:11:42.489
They set them out at the curb and say, please

01:11:42.489 --> 01:11:44.630
steal this. And nobody touched it because it

01:11:44.630 --> 01:11:47.939
was worthless technology. Yeah, it was overnight.

01:11:48.380 --> 01:11:54.300
Yeah, it was overnight. So, when... And then

01:11:54.300 --> 01:11:56.220
one of those became, remember for a while there,

01:11:56.260 --> 01:11:59.279
it became a good report. And that was it. Oh,

01:11:59.279 --> 01:12:01.619
yeah. Yeah, that's right. You could pick up all

01:12:01.619 --> 01:12:04.000
sorts of pirated signals. Yeah, the pergs in

01:12:04.000 --> 01:12:06.119
the area, they'd have one of those big dishes

01:12:06.119 --> 01:12:08.770
still going. Oh, yeah, you could probably aim

01:12:08.770 --> 01:12:10.689
it at, like, you know, satellite -carrying beads

01:12:10.689 --> 01:12:13.210
from other countries. Yes. Who don't have the

01:12:13.210 --> 01:12:15.890
same regulations as the U .S. does. So, yeah.

01:12:16.210 --> 01:12:20.050
Yep. So, yeah, they, so if you were having a

01:12:20.050 --> 01:12:22.930
subscription service to watch the NFL games with

01:12:22.930 --> 01:12:26.270
no commercials, they've learned their lesson

01:12:26.270 --> 01:12:27.949
from that. They're not just going to let you,

01:12:28.010 --> 01:12:30.989
you know, see nothing happening or the cameraman

01:12:30.989 --> 01:12:34.699
scratching himself. That this would happen. Okay.

01:12:34.800 --> 01:12:36.840
If that ever happens, I don't think it's going

01:12:36.840 --> 01:12:38.520
to happen, number one. They make too much money

01:12:38.520 --> 01:12:40.739
from the sponsors. They're too embedded with

01:12:40.739 --> 01:12:43.500
everything. You know, State Farm. You know, you

01:12:43.500 --> 01:12:45.779
need your Mahomes. You need your Rogers and all

01:12:45.779 --> 01:12:48.659
those guys. All of this just supports the NFL.

01:12:49.180 --> 01:12:52.380
So if it ever did become this, what would happen

01:12:52.380 --> 01:12:54.340
is you get all these little emblems everywhere

01:12:54.340 --> 01:12:57.260
in the corner. Yes. Presented by State Farm.

01:12:57.399 --> 01:13:01.500
Presented by Progressive. You know. Yeah. It's

01:13:01.500 --> 01:13:04.020
like trying to look at a NASCAR driver's uniform

01:13:04.020 --> 01:13:06.699
or his car and actually see what color it is.

01:13:06.760 --> 01:13:09.060
You can't because of all the sponsor patches.

01:13:09.420 --> 01:13:14.199
They would still find a way to get sponsorship

01:13:14.199 --> 01:13:17.340
for the times that you aren't seeing the quote

01:13:17.340 --> 01:13:20.220
-unquote commercials that you would expect. But

01:13:20.220 --> 01:13:22.539
what you will see is maybe they'll throw in an

01:13:22.539 --> 01:13:26.329
interview with a player. And there's a big can

01:13:26.329 --> 01:13:28.869
of Coke sitting there throughout the entire interview,

01:13:29.090 --> 01:13:32.069
or a bag of Doritos, or they'll make references

01:13:32.069 --> 01:13:35.529
to Draft Kings and FanDuel. They will advertise

01:13:35.529 --> 01:13:38.470
somehow. Yeah, those will all be worked in there.

01:13:39.710 --> 01:13:42.909
So we'll still get the advertisements, but just

01:13:42.909 --> 01:13:46.050
in a slightly more palatable form. And then we

01:13:46.050 --> 01:13:48.829
get the benefit of the people who didn't subscribe

01:13:48.829 --> 01:13:51.489
to the non -commercial version. They miss out

01:13:51.489 --> 01:13:53.890
those little segments. They'll package those

01:13:53.890 --> 01:13:59.289
and broadcast them later on commercial TV. You're

01:13:59.289 --> 01:14:01.750
right. So you'll get the product placement that

01:14:01.750 --> 01:14:03.869
was in there to begin with. Then they're going

01:14:03.869 --> 01:14:06.350
to sell commercials for it too. They'll get double

01:14:06.350 --> 01:14:09.810
paid on that. So it's going to work out money,

01:14:10.010 --> 01:14:12.609
money, money for the NFL. They're going to sell

01:14:12.609 --> 01:14:15.170
us on the idea that we're not seeing it. But

01:14:15.170 --> 01:14:19.390
we are. Yeah. Hello, this is Phineas J. Altaris

01:14:19.390 --> 01:14:22.960
III. I'm here to deliver your music news this

01:14:22.960 --> 01:14:29.899
evening. Toto Steve Lukather said that Michael

01:14:29.899 --> 01:14:32.100
Jackson's Beat It was almost ruined by Eddie

01:14:32.100 --> 01:14:34.579
Van Halen. Steve Lukather has explained that

01:14:34.579 --> 01:14:36.579
the issue wasn't Eddie Van Halen's solo itself,

01:14:36.779 --> 01:14:40.659
but that Eddie and his engineer, Don Landy, edited

01:14:40.659 --> 01:14:42.640
the master tape and messed up the time code,

01:14:42.760 --> 01:14:45.340
which was crucial for syncing other tracks. This

01:14:45.340 --> 01:14:48.859
forced Lukather and drummer Jeff Porcano to meticulously...

01:14:49.159 --> 01:14:51.319
Recreate the song's backing tracks from scratch,

01:14:51.539 --> 01:14:53.840
using the faint bleed of the drums in Michael

01:14:53.840 --> 01:14:56.279
Jackson's vocal track, and reestablishing the

01:14:56.279 --> 01:15:02.960
rhythm. This is Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That

01:15:02.960 --> 01:15:06.060
has been your music news for this evening. I

01:15:06.060 --> 01:15:09.100
have one burning question for you all. Do people

01:15:09.100 --> 01:15:14.020
really skip around the Maypole? Since the dawn

01:15:14.020 --> 01:15:17.000
of time, weird shit has happened. Strange occurrences.

01:15:17.539 --> 01:15:20.300
Unexplained phobias. and other odd happenings.

01:15:20.420 --> 01:15:22.439
Over the next minute, we would like to bring

01:15:22.439 --> 01:15:26.500
you odd, rare phobias and conditions. Hutchinson

01:15:26.500 --> 01:15:30.159
-Gilford Progeria Syndrome. Cases known on Earth,

01:15:30.279 --> 01:15:34.000
100 to possibly 150. This causes young children

01:15:34.000 --> 01:15:36.699
to age quickly, such as hair loss, thin, fragile

01:15:36.699 --> 01:15:39.720
skin, and cardiovascular issues, while the child's

01:15:39.720 --> 01:15:42.420
mental capacity stays the same. There is unknown

01:15:42.420 --> 01:15:45.939
cure and very little treatment options. Once

01:15:45.939 --> 01:15:53.670
again, it's time for Ramblin' of a madman. I

01:15:53.670 --> 01:15:57.569
believe Congress needs to synchronize tap dance

01:15:57.569 --> 01:16:03.609
for 20 minutes before each session. That needs

01:16:03.609 --> 01:16:07.789
to happen. So you want proof that we love you

01:16:07.789 --> 01:16:10.850
here at QD Spades and Microphone Central? Here's

01:16:10.850 --> 01:16:13.229
a proof right here about the drink of the week.

01:16:14.590 --> 01:16:18.380
Pistachio martini seems in order. Start off with

01:16:18.380 --> 01:16:22.479
two ounces vanilla vodka. One ounce pistachio

01:16:22.479 --> 01:16:26.500
liqueur. One ounce heavy cream. One half ounce

01:16:26.500 --> 01:16:29.659
simple syrup. One ounce of heavy cream chill

01:16:29.659 --> 01:16:32.739
martini glass in freezer for ten minutes. Dip

01:16:32.739 --> 01:16:35.460
the chilled glass rim in the simple syrup, then

01:16:35.460 --> 01:16:38.819
rub the rim in crushed pistachios. Fill a cocktail

01:16:38.819 --> 01:16:41.840
shaker with the vodka, liqueur, heavy cream,

01:16:41.899 --> 01:16:45.100
and simple syrup in the shaker. Shake vigorously.

01:16:45.529 --> 01:16:48.729
Then strain the contents into the glass. You

01:16:48.729 --> 01:16:51.590
may garnish the rim of the martini glass with

01:16:51.590 --> 01:16:55.430
a sliced lemon and an olive, possibly. Drink

01:16:55.430 --> 01:17:10.909
up, bitches. This is Two Douchebags and a Microphone

01:17:10.909 --> 01:17:14.449
Podcast. I am Mark. I am one of your co -hosts.

01:17:14.729 --> 01:17:19.850
I am here in the Kansas City chapter at the Talk

01:17:19.850 --> 01:17:23.149
is Cheap studio, and I like to make goat noises.

01:17:24.789 --> 01:17:32.829
And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, home of

01:17:32.829 --> 01:17:49.939
the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway. Thank you,

01:17:49.960 --> 01:17:54.939
Rob. At the Amble Links Primary School in North

01:17:54.939 --> 01:17:57.619
Cumberland, England, naughty elves have taken

01:17:57.619 --> 01:18:00.979
up their game of notch, the BBC reported, as

01:18:00.979 --> 01:18:03.500
of the last Christmas season a couple of weeks

01:18:03.500 --> 01:18:06.739
ago. Some of their hijinks have included bricking

01:18:06.739 --> 01:18:09.859
up the school entrance. That's a good one, isn't

01:18:09.859 --> 01:18:14.300
it? That's like some shit we would have pulled

01:18:14.300 --> 01:18:17.949
when we were younger. Oh, yeah. Bricking up those

01:18:17.949 --> 01:18:20.250
school entrants, like I said, filling the head

01:18:20.250 --> 01:18:22.689
teacher's office with balls and getting a herd

01:18:22.689 --> 01:18:27.649
of sheep to block the school's entrance. A herd

01:18:27.649 --> 01:18:31.409
of sheep, Rob. That would be fun. That's awesome.

01:18:31.550 --> 01:18:33.710
You see people walking, kids walking up going,

01:18:33.750 --> 01:18:36.069
what? How come there's sheep in front of here?

01:18:36.189 --> 01:18:37.550
How come we can't get through? There's a bunch

01:18:37.550 --> 01:18:40.140
of sheep. Well, you know, the naughty elves got

01:18:40.140 --> 01:18:42.859
it. They did it. So for six years, community

01:18:42.859 --> 01:18:45.760
members have helped pull off the elves pranks,

01:18:45.819 --> 01:18:49.460
head teacher Paul Healy said. There's just been

01:18:49.460 --> 01:18:51.600
so much community involvement, which has been

01:18:51.600 --> 01:18:54.260
tremendous. It does involve some very, very,

01:18:54.260 --> 01:18:57.600
very early mornings as it's trying to have things

01:18:57.600 --> 01:19:00.640
ready for when the breakfast club children start

01:19:00.640 --> 01:19:03.600
coming in. Healy loves doing the tricks for the

01:19:03.600 --> 01:19:06.500
joy it brings to children. It's memories for

01:19:06.500 --> 01:19:12.550
them. I love that. I love the fact that they're

01:19:12.550 --> 01:19:18.050
kind of like some of the elders and some of the

01:19:18.050 --> 01:19:22.069
authoritarians are in on these elvish tricks.

01:19:22.390 --> 01:19:25.909
I think that's pretty cool. Like sheep are bricking

01:19:25.909 --> 01:19:29.689
up the entrance. How elaborate is that? I mean,

01:19:29.710 --> 01:19:33.710
that's a pretty elaborate prank, isn't it? Yeah,

01:19:33.729 --> 01:19:35.229
I mean, you've got to go through a lot of trouble,

01:19:35.310 --> 01:19:38.850
which I commend them. Anyone, I mean, we used

01:19:38.850 --> 01:19:41.729
to play a lot of pranks, and well -documented,

01:19:41.729 --> 01:19:44.449
we talk about them here on many episodes about

01:19:44.449 --> 01:19:49.170
the pranks we played. You can get really elaborate

01:19:49.170 --> 01:19:51.609
with them like we have, and it's a lot of fun.

01:19:52.369 --> 01:19:55.770
Yeah, and I never admitted it until I got on

01:19:55.770 --> 01:20:00.890
here. Well, I mean, you were kind of there by

01:20:00.890 --> 01:20:03.310
default because you hung out with us, and that's

01:20:03.310 --> 01:20:06.770
what we did was screw with people. So, we kind

01:20:06.770 --> 01:20:11.210
of ruined you, didn't we? Oh, well, it's been

01:20:11.210 --> 01:20:16.750
years. I've had my own shit. Oh, okay. So, you

01:20:16.750 --> 01:20:18.949
went on to be a prankster after that, too. That's

01:20:18.949 --> 01:20:24.930
cool. Well, you knew we would. Oh, of course.

01:20:25.090 --> 01:20:27.869
Of course. It's in our blood. All right, Rob.

01:20:28.109 --> 01:20:30.590
We turn it to you. That's all I got on that one.

01:20:31.890 --> 01:20:39.189
All right. Nothing says we need to talk quite

01:20:39.189 --> 01:20:42.810
like committing a felony on a second floor balcony.

01:20:44.470 --> 01:21:00.850
Okay. I'm going to say Michigan. I don't know.

01:21:02.329 --> 01:21:07.550
Michigan. There we go. A woman got into an argument

01:21:07.550 --> 01:21:10.189
with her boyfriend and decided the healthiest

01:21:10.189 --> 01:21:14.689
way to process her emotions was to set his wardrobe

01:21:14.689 --> 01:21:49.239
on fire. Okay. This happened at the South Lake

01:21:49.239 --> 01:21:52.000
Villas apartments, which appear to have been

01:21:52.000 --> 01:21:57.220
constructed entirely out of gasoline. Bad decisions

01:21:57.220 --> 01:23:03.310
and bias. I think so. I think that's fair. Okay.

01:24:09.619 --> 01:24:14.800
Spoiler alert, none of them. They had to cut

01:24:14.800 --> 01:24:17.699
through the gates just to get in because nothing

01:24:17.699 --> 01:24:21.380
complements an emergency like infrastructure

01:24:21.380 --> 01:24:48.529
that has emotionally checked out. Turn fire.

01:25:38.159 --> 01:25:43.460
Text your friends 47 paragraphs. But whatever

01:25:43.460 --> 01:25:49.579
you do, do not set his clothes on fire on a balcony

01:25:49.579 --> 01:25:54.779
unless your goal is to destroy 13 homes, enter

01:25:54.779 --> 01:25:58.920
a firefighter, and become a cautionary tale on

01:25:58.920 --> 01:26:04.119
the evening news. That was a good one, dude.

01:26:04.279 --> 01:26:07.100
I love it. That's a really good one. Thank you,

01:26:07.100 --> 01:26:10.560
Rob. Dude, there's a warning on some of these.

01:26:10.619 --> 01:26:15.520
I love it. Oh, I do too. They get pretty funny.

01:26:16.100 --> 01:26:20.600
They do. All right. Thank you, Rob. Hey, Rob,

01:26:20.739 --> 01:26:23.119
you know what? The Mad Butt Sniffer has been

01:26:23.119 --> 01:26:25.619
finally locked up. What do you think of that?

01:26:25.939 --> 01:26:30.060
I mean, really? Yes. If you remember a long time

01:26:30.060 --> 01:26:34.600
ago, we reported on the Mad Butt Sniffer. You

01:26:34.600 --> 01:26:36.560
know, I was the mad shitter in Clinton, Missouri.

01:26:36.779 --> 01:26:40.340
Everyone knows this, right? Well, this guy really

01:26:40.340 --> 01:26:44.180
is the mad butt sniffer. But he's finally locked

01:26:44.180 --> 01:26:49.260
up. In July, 39 -year -old Khalees Crowder was

01:26:49.260 --> 01:26:52.779
arrested at the Burbank Nordstrom Rack after

01:26:52.779 --> 01:26:54.739
reports of someone roaming the women's department

01:26:54.739 --> 01:26:57.840
as sexually harassing a female customer, according

01:26:57.840 --> 01:27:00.819
to Burbank Police Department. In August, Crowder

01:27:00.819 --> 01:27:03.420
was arrested again after allegedly sniffing.

01:27:03.680 --> 01:27:06.460
a woman's behind inside a Walgreens store in

01:27:06.460 --> 01:27:10.180
Burbank. Crowder has a history of similar offenses

01:27:10.180 --> 01:27:13.500
in Glendale and Burbank dating back to 2021,

01:27:13.840 --> 01:27:17.000
according to the police. Crowder was arrested

01:27:17.000 --> 01:27:19.600
December 24th after failing to meet an annual

01:27:19.600 --> 01:27:22.539
sex offender registration requirement for more

01:27:22.539 --> 01:27:26.460
than two months. Glendale police told NBC4 Investigates

01:27:26.460 --> 01:27:29.520
that Glendale Police Department assaults unit

01:27:29.520 --> 01:27:32.779
arrested Crowder. dubbed by authorities as the

01:27:32.779 --> 01:27:36.479
butt sniffer at his residence without any type

01:27:36.479 --> 01:27:42.039
of an incident. He is in jail and awaiting sentencing.

01:27:42.720 --> 01:27:45.699
So, Rob, there you go. You can walk around Burbank

01:27:45.699 --> 01:27:47.300
and not worry about getting your butt sniffed

01:27:47.300 --> 01:27:50.199
now. Isn't that good? Unless it's a dog. Dogs

01:27:50.199 --> 01:27:54.159
can still sniff your butt, but he can't. Not

01:27:54.159 --> 01:27:58.890
Mr. Crowder. He cannot. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I

01:27:58.890 --> 01:28:00.550
don't want him to sniff in my butt. Do you want

01:28:00.550 --> 01:28:07.029
him to sniff in yours? Well, if I was in Burbank,

01:28:07.210 --> 01:28:08.949
I would not want him to sniff in my butt, and

01:28:08.949 --> 01:28:10.489
I would probably kick him in the head or something.

01:28:11.130 --> 01:28:15.390
So, hear that? Or if I ate beans, he may be sorry

01:28:15.390 --> 01:28:20.069
he ever got near, right? Yeah, yeah, you never

01:28:20.069 --> 01:28:22.069
know. You never know what someone could have

01:28:22.069 --> 01:28:25.149
ate the night before. Stay away. Do not snuff

01:28:25.149 --> 01:28:27.920
people. Do not sniff people's butts. It's not

01:28:27.920 --> 01:28:31.699
a good idea. Right, Rob? Yep. Okay, there you

01:28:31.699 --> 01:28:34.319
go. That's our public service announcement. So,

01:28:34.340 --> 01:28:36.859
Rob, you got something? It's 9 -12. Do you want

01:28:36.859 --> 01:28:38.960
to keep going? You got something? Or do you want

01:28:38.960 --> 01:28:42.199
to say, yeah, that's it? No, I got one here.

01:28:42.479 --> 01:28:47.159
All righty. Please go forth. A Minnesota man

01:28:47.159 --> 01:28:50.279
who apparently told police he accidentally shot

01:28:50.279 --> 01:32:32.239
his girlfriend. Okay. Okay. Wow. Okay. I don't

01:32:32.239 --> 01:32:35.340
think the gummies really boast hallucinogenic

01:32:35.340 --> 01:32:39.119
or anything like that. Well, he took it between

01:32:39.119 --> 01:32:44.619
5 and 6. And everything happened between 8 and

01:32:44.619 --> 01:32:48.399
9. And he was asleep, so he slept some of it

01:32:48.399 --> 01:32:54.100
off. That must have been a really, really powerful

01:32:54.100 --> 01:32:57.079
gummy. I guess. Did you say he was being charged

01:32:57.079 --> 01:33:01.279
with murder? No, no. Did you say he was being

01:33:01.279 --> 01:33:06.560
charged with murder? Yeah. Okay, then that means

01:33:06.560 --> 01:33:11.180
the cops don't believe it. Because... Okay. If

01:33:11.180 --> 01:33:14.500
not, it would have been manslaughter. See what

01:33:14.500 --> 01:33:17.159
I'm saying? They don't believe him. Right. They

01:33:17.159 --> 01:33:20.380
don't believe him. I mean, at least that's my

01:33:20.380 --> 01:33:22.880
opinion. If they believed him, they would try

01:33:22.880 --> 01:33:24.600
to charge him with manslaughter and go, yeah,

01:33:24.600 --> 01:33:26.859
it's unfortunate, you know, the gummy affected

01:33:26.859 --> 01:33:29.529
him in a weird way. He didn't know what he was

01:33:29.529 --> 01:33:31.869
doing. You know, he didn't mean to. Well, the

01:33:31.869 --> 01:33:37.090
thing was, she did not get shot until the next

01:33:37.090 --> 01:33:44.869
day. Yeah. Yeah, because they went to bed everything

01:33:44.869 --> 01:33:51.350
he got the next day. Went to clear the gun, threw

01:33:51.350 --> 01:34:01.529
it away. Yeah. Okay. Okay, all right. All right,

01:34:01.529 --> 01:34:06.569
Rob, do you want to keep going? That's all I

01:34:06.569 --> 01:34:08.890
have for tonight. Okay, I have more stories.

01:34:09.010 --> 01:34:11.250
If you've got more, if you've got another one,

01:34:11.310 --> 01:34:16.130
go for it. Let me see here. I have a lot of stories.

01:34:16.310 --> 01:34:18.069
I just got to figure out which one I want to

01:34:18.069 --> 01:34:23.989
go through. I don't want to get too, what would

01:34:23.989 --> 01:34:27.149
you call it? too dark or anything like that.

01:34:27.229 --> 01:34:35.430
Not too big of a story. So, let's see here. I

01:34:35.430 --> 01:34:37.550
had one here, but I don't know what I did with

01:34:37.550 --> 01:34:47.489
it. Ah, here's one. How about some ancient Roman

01:34:47.489 --> 01:34:53.539
facts? Sound alright? Okay. Okay. Ancient Romans

01:34:53.539 --> 01:34:57.579
used crushed mouse brains as an ingredient in

01:34:57.579 --> 01:35:01.439
their toothpaste recipes. It's mixed with abrasive

01:35:01.439 --> 01:35:04.479
powders like charcoal, crushed bones, and oyster

01:35:04.479 --> 01:35:08.279
shells, and often using urine for its ammonia

01:35:08.279 --> 01:35:12.439
content as a whitening agent of your teeth. This

01:35:12.439 --> 01:35:16.319
reflects a surprisingly advanced, though very

01:35:16.319 --> 01:35:19.699
unhygienic by modern standards, approach to oral

01:35:19.699 --> 01:35:22.800
care. with clean teeth being the status symbol,

01:35:22.920 --> 01:35:25.960
even if it meant concoctions of mouse brains

01:35:25.960 --> 01:35:29.760
and human pee for a brighter smile. Ancient Romans

01:35:29.760 --> 01:35:33.720
also used a sponge on a stick for toilet paper.

01:35:33.880 --> 01:35:36.340
The only problem is they didn't have many sponges,

01:35:36.340 --> 01:35:40.739
so they all used the same sponge. You know, Rob,

01:35:40.880 --> 01:35:43.140
I think I would have found a rock or something

01:35:43.140 --> 01:35:47.899
else, you know. They had lakes and ponds, I mean.

01:35:48.409 --> 01:35:50.729
Wouldn't you just jump in there? I don't know,

01:35:50.789 --> 01:35:56.109
kind of wash your ass off? I would. Instead of

01:35:56.109 --> 01:35:57.829
a sponge that everybody else wiped their ass

01:35:57.829 --> 01:36:06.069
with? On a stick? No thank you. I got a couple

01:36:06.069 --> 01:36:09.810
little facts for you before we go. Do you know

01:36:09.810 --> 01:36:12.649
Keith Richards did not celebrate Christmas when

01:36:12.649 --> 01:36:16.590
he was young? No, I did not. Jesus wasn't born

01:36:16.590 --> 01:36:23.560
yet. The next and last one is this right here,

01:36:23.640 --> 01:36:26.060
and we'll leave you with this. The new Arrowhead

01:36:26.060 --> 01:36:27.920
Stadium in Kansas City will have a corn maze

01:36:27.920 --> 01:36:30.479
before the entrance gates. This will keep the

01:36:30.479 --> 01:36:32.560
Raider and Bronco fans out. They can't figure

01:36:32.560 --> 01:36:40.020
out the corn maze. And that's a take. All right,

01:36:40.039 --> 01:36:42.859
everybody. Thank you for listening. Have a great

01:36:42.859 --> 01:36:49.699
night. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like

01:36:49.699 --> 01:36:52.840
the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea

01:36:52.840 --> 01:36:56.880
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.

01:36:56.899 --> 01:36:59.100
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.