WEBVTT 00:00:33.330 --> 00:00:36.670 Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come 00:00:36.670 --> 00:00:40.520 on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon 00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:43.259 and coke? There's a liquor store down the road. 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:47.000 If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since 00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:49.700 you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge 00:00:49.700 --> 00:00:53.079 out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your 00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:55.840 hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me. 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:58.659 I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download 00:00:58.659 --> 00:01:03.020 every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise 00:01:03.020 --> 00:01:06.090 to make... All friends, family members, and workmates 00:01:06.090 --> 00:01:09.689 download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise 00:01:09.689 --> 00:01:12.689 to grab idle computers, work computers, friends 00:01:12.689 --> 00:01:15.750 computers, community computers, and other assorted 00:01:15.750 --> 00:01:17.930 phones and listening devices and download the 00:01:17.930 --> 00:01:21.670 show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will 00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:24.329 download the show and constantly barrage everyone 00:01:24.329 --> 00:01:27.849 with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane 00:01:27.849 --> 00:01:30.489 Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and 00:01:30.489 --> 00:01:33.500 screen the show's name from my front yard. And 00:01:33.500 --> 00:01:35.819 finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor, 00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:39.540 you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus, 00:01:39.540 --> 00:01:42.599 Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you 00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:46.739 go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's 00:01:46.739 --> 00:01:52.239 a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two 00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:54.799 Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind 00:01:54.799 --> 00:01:57.879 our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume 00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:01.200 we got the story wrong. At least we admit it. 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:04.560 Not like all those other guys. We can and will 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:09.080 lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:21.759 and a microphone. Great news, assholes. You can 00:02:21.759 --> 00:02:26.080 now email the douches anytime, anywhere. In the 00:02:26.080 --> 00:02:29.240 middle of a job interview. No big deal. Take 00:02:29.240 --> 00:02:33.240 it a bath. No problems there. Tap dancing. Easy 00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:36.879 as pie. Just send it to 2douches at mail .com. 00:02:36.979 --> 00:02:39.680 Do it now, pussies, or I'll smash you in the 00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:44.439 junk. Hey, peeps, it's time for the police blotter. 00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:48.000 That's right, stories about stupid criminals 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:52.340 and the dumbassness that ensued. Let us begin 00:02:52.340 --> 00:02:58.939 now. In September 2025, a Canadian man was arrested 00:02:58.939 --> 00:03:02.419 for DUI while attempting to drive a Barbie Jeep. 00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:05.960 Not only did the scaled -down Jeep stand out, 00:03:06.120 --> 00:03:10.020 not it would only go five miles an hour. The 00:03:10.020 --> 00:03:13.419 police chase ended quickly. The subject, George 00:03:13.419 --> 00:03:16.840 Fizzulli, did not get his six -pack. But did 00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:20.599 get a free Uber ride with lights flashing straight 00:03:20.599 --> 00:03:24.969 to jail. Here we go. Signs that you might be 00:03:24.969 --> 00:03:38.830 a pussy. Signs that you might be a pussy. If 00:03:38.830 --> 00:03:41.590 you've ever had Phil Collins or Oingo Boingo 00:03:41.590 --> 00:03:45.849 posters on your wall. If you've ever raised your 00:03:45.849 --> 00:03:48.430 coffee mug or tea glass with your pinky extended. 00:03:49.650 --> 00:03:53.229 If you often lotion up your hands. With no apparent 00:03:53.229 --> 00:03:56.729 reason. If you like poached eggs, if you sing 00:03:56.729 --> 00:03:59.289 along to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or if you have 00:03:59.289 --> 00:04:02.129 ever wore a pair of Crocs, even just trying them 00:04:02.129 --> 00:04:06.330 out, you are a pussy. And now we look in on the 00:04:06.330 --> 00:04:08.969 adventures of the technical explanation guy. 00:04:09.409 --> 00:04:12.729 Excuse me, my dear sir. Could you please put 00:04:12.729 --> 00:04:15.090 my plain bread in a small countertop appliance 00:04:15.090 --> 00:04:17.209 with heating elements that would spring loaded 00:04:17.209 --> 00:04:20.350 and would brown my bread adequately? Well, first 00:04:20.350 --> 00:04:23.129 off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over there 00:04:23.129 --> 00:04:26.230 sitting at the table having a drink. Second off, 00:04:26.250 --> 00:04:28.170 are you talking about someone toasting your bread? 00:04:28.610 --> 00:04:31.230 Why, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about my bread 00:04:31.230 --> 00:04:33.389 being toasted. Then why don't you just ask for 00:04:33.389 --> 00:04:35.949 your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? What 00:04:35.949 --> 00:04:38.430 the hell's wrong with you? Hey, my fellow heavy 00:04:38.430 --> 00:04:42.529 breeders. This is Dash Riptide. Your music news. 00:04:44.629 --> 00:04:47.310 Walls of Jericho is a song by Bon Jovi that features 00:04:47.310 --> 00:04:49.370 a guest appearance by Def Leppard singer Joe 00:04:49.370 --> 00:04:52.870 Elliott. According to this Instagram post, the 00:04:52.870 --> 00:04:55.689 track is from the forever legendary edition of 00:04:55.689 --> 00:04:58.649 Bon Jovi's album, which was released in October 00:04:58.649 --> 00:05:02.990 2025. The song is named Walls of Jericho. The 00:05:02.990 --> 00:05:05.750 song features Bon Jovi and Joe Elliott from Def 00:05:05.750 --> 00:05:08.410 Leppard. Jon Bon Jovi chose this song for Elliott 00:05:08.410 --> 00:05:11.170 to feature on because it's stadium rock sound 00:05:11.170 --> 00:05:14.189 that is reminiscent of both bands. It is their 00:05:14.189 --> 00:05:17.750 first ever collaboration. This is Gash Ruktine, 00:05:17.870 --> 00:05:21.230 and that was your music news. If it's too loud, 00:05:21.290 --> 00:05:23.670 you'd probably have ear damage, just like me. 00:05:29.189 --> 00:05:32.889 This is Joshua Belmont, your food for thought 00:05:32.889 --> 00:05:36.389 man on The Hustle. Today, we would like to celebrate 00:05:36.389 --> 00:05:40.310 Mr. Timothy J. Brottux, who is credited for the 00:05:40.310 --> 00:05:44.589 invention of two -ply toilet paper. Because of 00:05:44.589 --> 00:05:47.850 you, Timmy. We no longer have to spend ten minutes 00:05:47.850 --> 00:05:51.750 scrubbing our fingernails after every dump. Mr. 00:05:51.829 --> 00:05:55.709 Bratox, you are a true hero. Next up, things 00:05:55.709 --> 00:05:59.649 overheard in hell. Dishwater has the top ten 00:05:59.649 --> 00:06:08.009 spots on Noble Top 100. And now, Deep Thoughts 00:06:08.009 --> 00:06:16.379 with Mark. Hmm. Let's see. If a worm could talk, 00:06:16.579 --> 00:06:22.579 would it be argumentative? I may never know. 00:06:27.240 --> 00:06:31.160 Hello, this is the new guy. I just wanted to 00:06:31.160 --> 00:06:34.620 let everyone out there be aware that Mark fucked 00:06:34.620 --> 00:06:38.019 up the intro, so this whole show is going to 00:06:38.019 --> 00:06:40.620 start in the middle of it because he is an idiot. 00:06:50.220 --> 00:06:52.819 Big football game coming in town for Nebraska 00:06:52.819 --> 00:06:55.379 Cornhuskers. So they said, if you guys don't 00:06:55.379 --> 00:06:57.439 keep the room while you're gone over the weekend, 00:06:57.560 --> 00:06:59.740 you're not going to have a room because it's 00:06:59.740 --> 00:07:01.959 all going to be booked. So I had the same room, 00:07:02.019 --> 00:07:04.399 and they come in and cleaned it and all that. 00:07:04.579 --> 00:07:06.839 And then they said, you know, what we'll do since 00:07:06.839 --> 00:07:08.779 you booked it again is we're going to rent it 00:07:08.779 --> 00:07:10.939 out while you're gone. And then when you come 00:07:10.939 --> 00:07:15.259 back, you know. So when I came back, they weren't 00:07:15.259 --> 00:07:18.300 removed. It was still, you know, they had someone 00:07:18.300 --> 00:07:20.560 come in and clean the room and everything. And 00:07:20.560 --> 00:07:23.120 then when I come back, the same room that was 00:07:23.120 --> 00:07:27.399 booked, the water ionizers were taken off and 00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:29.680 nobody bothered them. So, you know, they don't 00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:31.399 even know you do it, so it works really good. 00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:36.540 And also, I used to work with a guy that he used 00:07:36.540 --> 00:07:39.160 to smoke worse than a chimney. He was so addicted, 00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:41.279 he used to stick his head out the window of the 00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:45.110 brand new work truck just to smoke. Smoking wasn't 00:07:45.110 --> 00:07:47.350 allowed in the new truck, so he would do that 00:07:47.350 --> 00:07:49.990 just to have a smoke every 10 minutes or so. 00:07:50.389 --> 00:07:52.870 The guy would literally stick his head out and 00:07:52.870 --> 00:07:55.170 puff away until he smoked all of his throat burner. 00:07:55.689 --> 00:07:57.949 And, I mean, we'd be going 70 miles an hour down 00:07:57.949 --> 00:08:00.649 the highway, and he'd have his head out puffing 00:08:00.649 --> 00:08:03.790 on a smoke, and it's like, wow. So he would also 00:08:03.790 --> 00:08:07.000 trick the front desk. What he would do is when 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:09.180 he checked in, he'd go to his room, and he'd 00:08:09.180 --> 00:08:11.060 come right back to the front desk. And after 00:08:11.060 --> 00:08:14.420 going to his room, he would go, hey, man, my 00:08:14.420 --> 00:08:16.639 room smelled like smoke. And they'd automatically 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:19.060 start apologizing, right, and offer him another 00:08:19.060 --> 00:08:21.000 room. But he would say, no, it's all right, but 00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:23.759 make sure you mark down that I smelled smoke 00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:26.120 in my room. So if someone else smells it after 00:08:26.120 --> 00:08:29.180 I leave, it wasn't me. So they usually do that. 00:08:30.569 --> 00:08:32.870 It always worked, which I found bizarre, except 00:08:32.870 --> 00:08:34.389 because I don't think it would have worked on 00:08:34.389 --> 00:08:35.809 me. I wouldn't know what he was doing. I'd be 00:08:35.809 --> 00:08:40.309 like, oh, bullshit. But anyhow, one lady in Wichita, 00:08:40.350 --> 00:08:42.549 it did not work. She knew exactly what he was 00:08:42.549 --> 00:08:44.610 doing because she started laughing when he said 00:08:44.610 --> 00:08:47.190 that. And she said, well, let's go to your room 00:08:47.190 --> 00:08:50.090 and let's go and take a look at it, she goes, 00:08:50.190 --> 00:08:52.769 because I'm kind of curious. So she goes to the 00:08:52.769 --> 00:08:55.289 room. She's walking around in it. She goes, I 00:08:55.289 --> 00:08:57.309 don't smell smoke. Where do you smell smoke at? 00:08:57.470 --> 00:08:59.940 He goes, I thought it was in here. And then she 00:08:59.940 --> 00:09:01.899 goes, all right, well, you know what? You can't 00:09:01.899 --> 00:09:04.860 stay in this room then. We can't rent it to you. 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:08.179 It's against our policies. I'm going to have 00:09:08.179 --> 00:09:09.759 to give you another. Oh, no, no, it's fine. I'll 00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:11.360 keep this room. No, I'm going to have to give 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:15.000 you another one. So anyhow, she's like smiling. 00:09:15.019 --> 00:09:17.179 Yep, yep, you get this, you know, whatever. Change 00:09:17.179 --> 00:09:20.179 the room. You come out of there. And then every. 00:09:20.620 --> 00:09:22.600 Every night when we'd get, he would never go 00:09:22.600 --> 00:09:24.320 to dinner with us. Every night we'd come home 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:26.259 from dinner, he'd be out there on the bench freezing, 00:09:26.419 --> 00:09:28.519 fucking smoking a cigarette. I was like, oh, 00:09:28.659 --> 00:09:33.600 she gotcha. So, anyhow, that was pretty funny. 00:09:33.980 --> 00:09:36.019 So I got some more stuff, but I'm not going to 00:09:36.019 --> 00:09:38.320 go into it right now. We have some ask paddlings 00:09:38.320 --> 00:09:42.980 and stuff. But after you get done with what you're 00:09:42.980 --> 00:09:44.480 going to do, we're going to come back with some 00:09:44.480 --> 00:09:47.759 emails. And we have some important update. Would 00:09:47.759 --> 00:09:54.360 you say, Rob? So if what you're saying is true, 00:09:54.539 --> 00:09:58.860 yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we have a very important 00:09:58.860 --> 00:10:02.799 update that we will get to at emails. But first 00:10:02.799 --> 00:10:05.139 we have Rob and what he wants to talk about. 00:10:05.179 --> 00:10:09.480 So please, Rob, go ahead. Okay, well, I'm going 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:13.220 into Lake of the Ozark News. Oh, hell yeah. For 00:10:13.220 --> 00:10:23.679 our fans over there. Yep, they love it. Okay. 00:10:25.080 --> 00:10:29.039 Because I happened to have met this guy a time 00:10:29.039 --> 00:10:33.580 or two. Oh, and also, you know how I've been 00:10:33.580 --> 00:10:37.000 getting on my rant about the high -speed pursuits? 00:10:37.399 --> 00:11:36.379 Yes, sure do. I remember that. Well, no, it was 00:11:36.379 --> 00:11:39.379 a different story, and it wasn't a white sports 00:11:39.379 --> 00:11:42.940 car, but I have another story I've read that 00:11:42.940 --> 00:11:46.559 I believe I could tie to this. Okay, did you 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:49.340 say the name Robert Smith before or not? Yes, 00:11:49.899 --> 00:11:55.399 I did. Okay, go ahead. I've met this guy a couple 00:11:55.399 --> 00:12:02.799 times. Okay. I mean, he is nobody I want to hang 00:12:02.799 --> 00:12:06.899 with. Gotcha. He's in and out of jail. Like I 00:12:06.899 --> 00:12:13.200 say, he's 52 years old. Allegedly. No, he's 52 00:12:13.200 --> 00:12:16.080 years old. No, no, no. The in and out of jail 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:19.940 and the bad dude. You know what I'm saying. Okay, 00:12:19.980 --> 00:12:24.100 yeah. Allegedly. This is Rob's opinion. You can 00:12:24.100 --> 00:12:52.360 do that. Okay. Okay. I don't know. I have proof 00:12:52.360 --> 00:13:35.309 of this right here. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 00:13:59.500 --> 00:14:06.659 Yeah, yes I do. Last time I remember this guy 00:14:06.659 --> 00:14:12.539 drove a black avalanche and he is a no meth dealer 00:14:12.539 --> 00:14:20.899 around there. Allegedly. Allegedly. Okay. Have 00:14:20.899 --> 00:14:23.740 not looked him up on case net. Not a backer though. 00:14:23.799 --> 00:14:28.440 But anyway. Yeah, but he keeps getting out. Okay. 00:14:56.590 --> 00:15:00.350 How does that happen? I don't know. He was on 00:15:00.350 --> 00:15:03.289 club traffic and chargers and everything else 00:15:03.289 --> 00:15:09.190 then. He was locked up in Jeff City. Wow. How 00:15:09.190 --> 00:15:14.570 does that happen? And now, this is the second 00:15:14.570 --> 00:15:20.230 time I've reported about him since then. And 00:15:20.230 --> 00:15:23.309 I seriously believe that black avalanche was 00:15:23.309 --> 00:15:33.190 his. Okay, wow. I just know that much about the 00:15:33.190 --> 00:15:39.850 dudes. Okay. Anyway, so you're welcome, Lake 00:15:39.850 --> 00:15:44.509 of the Ozarks. Robert Smith is locked up once 00:15:44.509 --> 00:15:49.789 again. All right. Well, thank you, Rob. We appreciate 00:15:49.789 --> 00:15:52.169 that update, and I'm pretty sure everybody down 00:15:52.169 --> 00:15:55.110 there is probably going, uh -huh, about time. 00:16:07.509 --> 00:16:12.409 That happens everywhere, Rob. There's murderers 00:16:12.409 --> 00:16:15.769 that get out in like one year. I mean, it's insane. 00:16:16.169 --> 00:16:40.299 It's insane. I have my suspicions about people 00:16:40.299 --> 00:16:42.480 that get out of jail. Yeah, me too. Yeah, there 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:45.679 are a lot of people that do. That people that 00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:48.299 get out of jail and have their stuff wiped clean. 00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:51.460 Yeah. I have my suspicions. Yeah, and there's 00:16:51.460 --> 00:16:56.240 a lot of suspicion about him. Yes. So all I've 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:58.179 got to say is if a lot of people around him are 00:16:58.179 --> 00:17:02.820 going to jail and prison, hmm, wonder. Makes 00:17:02.820 --> 00:17:06.539 you wonder. Yes. All right, thank you, Rob. We've 00:17:06.539 --> 00:17:08.619 got this stuff that we're going to uncover back 00:17:08.619 --> 00:17:10.859 with some emails when we get back. What do you 00:17:10.859 --> 00:17:14.460 think, Rob? Sounds great. All right. We'll be 00:17:14.460 --> 00:17:19.579 right back. Oh, just so you guys know. Yeah. 00:17:39.180 --> 00:17:40.579 You know what? I don't want to give it away. 00:17:40.700 --> 00:17:44.000 We'll be back in a little bit. Yes, it's true. 00:17:44.119 --> 00:17:47.359 Mark is an old bastard. It's also true that Mark 00:17:47.359 --> 00:17:50.599 uses a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like 00:17:50.599 --> 00:17:53.940 to tell you, if you see any pictures of him roofing 00:17:53.940 --> 00:17:57.599 ibuprofen, it's obviously fake, and you're to 00:17:57.599 --> 00:17:59.559 take the pictures and tear them up immediately. 00:18:01.619 --> 00:18:10.750 And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. If I have a 00:18:10.750 --> 00:18:15.329 glass of ice water and the ice melts into the 00:18:15.329 --> 00:18:22.210 water, is my water then watered down? Hmm. I 00:18:22.210 --> 00:18:29.710 may never know. Two bush bags and microphone 00:18:29.710 --> 00:18:33.250 in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer 00:18:33.250 --> 00:18:40.000 you First World Problems. I can't believe the 00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:43.279 coffee grinder is broke at the big box store. 00:18:44.759 --> 00:18:48.000 There's no way I can be expected to grind my 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:52.559 coffee beans every damn morning. Next up, things 00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:57.619 overheard in hell. John Wayne Gacy is in charge 00:18:57.619 --> 00:19:02.920 of human resources. This is Joshua Belmont, your 00:19:02.920 --> 00:19:05.700 food for thought man on The Hustle. so i just 00:19:05.700 --> 00:19:08.019 realized a genius that gets absolutely no credit 00:19:08.019 --> 00:19:11.380 his name is marshall taylor he is credited with 00:19:11.380 --> 00:19:13.420 the first bag of salad mix that was bagged and 00:19:13.420 --> 00:19:17.900 sold yesterday was his birthday i believe he 00:19:17.900 --> 00:19:20.720 is still alive this guy's genius will never be 00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:23.799 fully appreciated before this ban we settled 00:19:23.799 --> 00:19:26.279 for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons 00:19:26.279 --> 00:19:29.200 and some cheese was mr taylor satisfied with 00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:32.619 that hell no He realized that Billy Americana 00:19:32.619 --> 00:19:34.599 would never go out and buy a couple of radishes, 00:19:34.799 --> 00:19:37.039 a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage, 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:39.839 maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine 00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:43.740 bladders for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should 00:19:43.740 --> 00:19:48.619 have a national holiday. Hey, if you're a fan 00:19:48.619 --> 00:19:50.460 of paying way too much for trinkets and food, 00:19:50.700 --> 00:19:53.640 well, your wish is coming true. Kansas City International 00:19:53.640 --> 00:19:56.259 Airport Guest Pass program is starting today. 00:19:56.910 --> 00:19:59.849 Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets 00:19:59.849 --> 00:20:03.369 and $15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50 00:20:03.369 --> 00:20:06.150 cheap t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building 00:20:06.150 --> 00:20:09.490 image on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue 00:20:09.490 --> 00:20:12.410 sauce gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40 00:20:12.410 --> 00:20:15.230 and you're first born. Hurry. You know rubes 00:20:15.230 --> 00:20:17.390 are jumping all over to get to this complete 00:20:17.390 --> 00:20:22.250 ripoff. Because people are sheep. Your mama's 00:20:22.250 --> 00:20:25.390 so old, she was a waitress at the last supper. 00:20:26.009 --> 00:20:28.609 People often ask, how do we cram so much funny 00:20:28.609 --> 00:20:31.890 into one little show? Well, it's simple. We buy 00:20:31.890 --> 00:20:35.750 funny in bulk on the Internet. Hey, Mark, you're 00:20:35.750 --> 00:20:37.970 wanted at the front door. There's a big bag of 00:20:37.970 --> 00:20:41.269 funny they need you to sign for. Okay, thanks 00:20:41.269 --> 00:20:43.190 a lot. I'll be right there. I'm still sorting 00:20:43.190 --> 00:20:45.849 out the funny we got from yesterday. There's 00:20:45.849 --> 00:20:48.230 your answer. We buy funny in bulk on the Internet. 00:20:48.950 --> 00:20:51.509 Hey, you yankers. We often think many things 00:20:51.509 --> 00:20:53.549 are just true because we've heard it our whole 00:20:53.549 --> 00:20:56.329 lives. That's why here at Two Douchebags and 00:20:56.329 --> 00:20:58.890 Microphone, we developed the segment, Not True. 00:20:59.589 --> 00:21:02.630 We investigate and uncover the real truth of 00:21:02.630 --> 00:21:06.710 what happened. We've heard for years that Einstein 00:21:06.710 --> 00:21:09.369 was so intelligent he could not figure out how 00:21:09.369 --> 00:21:13.509 to tie his shoe. The fact is, he disliked wearing 00:21:13.509 --> 00:21:17.089 socks. He would put socks over his shoes to avoid 00:21:17.089 --> 00:21:20.329 tying them. He believed tying shoelaces was an 00:21:20.329 --> 00:21:23.619 incredible waste of time. So where were Crocs 00:21:23.619 --> 00:21:35.819 when Einstein needed them? We are Two Douchebags 00:21:35.819 --> 00:21:38.599 and Microphone. I am Mark, and I am here in the 00:21:38.599 --> 00:21:41.900 Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. 00:21:41.980 --> 00:21:49.700 Welcome. And I am Rob in Wheatland, Missouri, 00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:57.150 home of the... And also home of the beautiful, 00:21:57.630 --> 00:22:02.789 and I mean very beautiful, Highway 54 RV Park 00:22:02.789 --> 00:22:08.529 in the Doug Blythe Studio. Thank you, Rob. All 00:22:08.529 --> 00:22:11.430 right. The email that I'm going to refer to a 00:22:11.430 --> 00:22:13.589 little bit later is a little bit down the road 00:22:13.589 --> 00:22:15.170 here, but we're going to do a few more before 00:22:15.170 --> 00:22:17.609 then, so just hang on. Yeah, let's do that before 00:22:17.609 --> 00:22:21.059 we get detoured. Yeah. And then I got a featured 00:22:21.059 --> 00:22:24.420 one we may or may not get to. The guy was really 00:22:24.420 --> 00:22:28.039 shitty. So, anyhow, we'll see if I... I don't 00:22:28.039 --> 00:22:30.440 know. I thought that was our featured one. Anyway, 00:22:30.579 --> 00:22:32.400 go ahead. No, it should be. You know what? I'll 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:36.180 do the other one on the next podcast. Okay. Mark, 00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:38.940 you made crotchety old St. Nick exceptionally 00:22:38.940 --> 00:22:41.880 brutal this year. I love it, but just saying. 00:22:42.039 --> 00:22:46.680 Remy in Illinois. Yeah, I did. I know. I did 00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:49.200 that on purpose. Roses are red, violets are blue. 00:22:49.299 --> 00:22:51.119 Your mom's a whore. Your dad doesn't have a clue. 00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:57.480 Your dad likes Coke. It's like an anniversary. 00:22:57.980 --> 00:22:59.960 You've got to get it better every year. That's 00:22:59.960 --> 00:23:03.720 right. Yeah, yeah. Let's see. Your dad likes 00:23:03.720 --> 00:23:06.440 Coke. Your mom likes to toke. They will both 00:23:06.440 --> 00:23:09.940 die broke. Oh, there you go, little Lisa. You 00:23:09.940 --> 00:23:13.519 get nothing. Loved it. I'm glad you loved it, 00:23:13.599 --> 00:23:18.000 too, Remy. All right. Rob. Do you bowl? I know 00:23:18.000 --> 00:23:20.279 Mark isn't a fan of it. Wayne in Oklahoma City. 00:23:20.619 --> 00:23:24.380 I don't mind bowling. I just don't do it. Anyhow, 00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:28.200 are you a fan of bowling? Okay, yeah, I do like 00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:31.279 bowling. I'm just not good at it. But I like 00:23:31.279 --> 00:23:55.579 getting out there with my son. Okay, I don't 00:23:55.579 --> 00:23:57.559 remember us ever talking about bowling, though. 00:23:57.619 --> 00:24:00.240 I don't know where they got that. Well, I grew 00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:03.460 up with the bowling alleys in Belton. Maybe we 00:24:03.460 --> 00:24:05.500 were talking about... With my mom and dad bowling, 00:24:05.740 --> 00:24:10.619 but, you know. I think that's probably, we were 00:24:10.619 --> 00:24:12.420 talking about it, I just don't remember it, because 00:24:12.420 --> 00:24:14.240 I don't know how this person knows I'm not a 00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:16.619 fan of it, or whatever. I probably said something 00:24:16.619 --> 00:24:18.980 like I'd rather watch paint dry or something, 00:24:19.099 --> 00:24:22.079 being a smartass, but I don't mind it. So, okay, 00:24:22.180 --> 00:24:30.109 anyway. You know what? I think you're right. 00:24:30.250 --> 00:24:37.390 I remember that. Okay. All right. We must have 00:24:37.390 --> 00:24:40.630 been talking about it then. Yeah. Okay. Next 00:24:40.630 --> 00:24:55.660 one. I don't have a clue. Donnie, take her out 00:24:55.660 --> 00:24:58.359 to a nice restaurant. Yeah, just take her out. 00:24:58.440 --> 00:25:02.039 Bake her something after your fourth date. Not 00:25:02.039 --> 00:25:05.240 right now. Where did he say he is? What now? 00:25:06.319 --> 00:25:11.660 Where did he say he is? Donnie in Seattle. Seattle? 00:25:11.779 --> 00:25:14.579 Oh, hell, they got all kinds of places to eat 00:25:14.579 --> 00:25:16.640 up there. I know they do. What are you worried 00:25:16.640 --> 00:25:19.160 about? I'm telling you, Donnie, if you want to 00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:22.339 impress this girl. Yeah. Take her to a nice Italian 00:25:22.339 --> 00:25:25.019 restaurant. Look them up. I mean, there's reviews 00:25:25.019 --> 00:25:27.460 everywhere. You can tell what you like and what 00:25:27.460 --> 00:25:29.640 you don't like by reading what it is on the Internet 00:25:29.640 --> 00:25:33.079 generally. So do that. After your fourth or fifth 00:25:33.079 --> 00:25:35.380 date, you're allowed to bake for her. But right 00:25:35.380 --> 00:25:38.900 now, no. You're trying to impress her. And also... 00:25:38.900 --> 00:25:43.000 What you need to do is you need to get that time 00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:45.339 with her to find out what she likes so you know 00:25:45.339 --> 00:25:47.940 what to cook for her. Bingo. Rob, you're exactly 00:25:47.940 --> 00:25:51.099 right. And also... Treat everybody with the utmost 00:25:51.099 --> 00:25:54.960 respect and kindness. Yeah. Even if the waiter's 00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:58.019 a dumb shit and fumbles and can't do anything 00:25:58.019 --> 00:26:03.140 right, you still... Yes, and be very nice to 00:26:03.140 --> 00:26:06.579 him and thank him and support him. I'm telling 00:26:06.579 --> 00:26:14.039 you, you do that. It will. It will. It means 00:26:14.039 --> 00:26:16.940 you're patient. Yes, and it also means you're 00:26:16.940 --> 00:26:19.579 a good person, too. Women look at that stuff. 00:26:19.640 --> 00:26:21.559 They don't say anything, but they all record 00:26:21.559 --> 00:26:23.920 it in the back of their head, and they smile 00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:26.519 and everything's good on the outside, but they're 00:26:26.519 --> 00:26:29.180 secretly evaluating you, just like you are her. 00:26:30.500 --> 00:26:35.319 Exactly. So just remember that. So, Donnie, do 00:26:35.319 --> 00:26:37.180 you like that? Get back with us. Let us know 00:26:37.180 --> 00:26:41.460 how it went. Mark, did you say Kansas City is 00:26:41.460 --> 00:26:44.779 getting a Tim Hortons? Jesse in Allentown. P 00:26:44.779 --> 00:26:47.380 .S. My great aunt lives in Lee's Summit. I visit 00:26:47.380 --> 00:26:50.660 her every summer. This would be great news. Tim 00:26:50.660 --> 00:26:52.720 Hortons are my favorite breakfast and coffee 00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:57.460 place. Yeah, we are. I think it's in Blue Springs. 00:26:57.619 --> 00:27:00.319 I think I gave that story like half a year ago. 00:27:00.579 --> 00:27:05.160 Which is just north of Lee's Summit. Yeah, yes. 00:27:06.159 --> 00:27:09.140 So, yeah, you're right. Just north of Lee's Summit. 00:27:09.279 --> 00:27:11.859 It's not that far away. So I don't know if the 00:27:11.859 --> 00:27:13.900 Tim Hortons is already built or if it's still 00:27:13.900 --> 00:27:17.019 planning, but I'm telling you, though, I mean, 00:27:17.039 --> 00:27:19.799 you can love Tim Hortons all you want. The bagels 00:27:19.799 --> 00:27:22.400 are not that good, and the coffee's fair, in 00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:25.980 my opinion. So, anyhow, enjoy it all you want. 00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:32.119 All right. This guy sent me something just like 00:27:32.119 --> 00:27:35.680 this a while back. Rob, have you ever been caught 00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:37.519 jerking off in the basement? But he asked me 00:27:37.519 --> 00:27:39.400 about the closet, if I ever got caught in the 00:27:39.400 --> 00:27:42.000 closet, I believe. Ask him for a friend, Jeremy 00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:48.839 in Pittsburgh, Kansas. Pittsburgh, Kansas? Yes, 00:27:48.859 --> 00:27:54.799 that's what it says. Jeremy. Okay, Jeremy. Just 00:27:54.799 --> 00:28:00.019 so you know, I left Pittsburgh, Kansas in 2016. 00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:03.549 I lived there. Hmm. Did you know any journeys? 00:28:05.529 --> 00:28:11.230 No. Not that I remember. I worked at Pit Plastics. 00:28:12.589 --> 00:28:16.910 You'll know what that is. We made trash bags 00:28:16.910 --> 00:28:23.730 and stuff. Anyway. Shit, what was the question 00:28:23.730 --> 00:28:25.910 again? Have you ever been caught jerking off 00:28:25.910 --> 00:28:29.410 in the basement? He asked me about the closet, 00:28:29.470 --> 00:28:32.480 remember, a while back? No. No, what I want to 00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:35.339 call shitting in the basement. Shitting in the 00:28:35.339 --> 00:28:41.099 basement? Well, me and my buddy Steve went to 00:28:41.099 --> 00:28:45.460 his aunt's in Dom Noster. Uh -huh. You know Steve. 00:28:47.319 --> 00:28:50.579 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you've met Steve. 00:28:50.720 --> 00:29:04.599 Yes, I know who you're talking about. Okay. And 00:29:04.599 --> 00:29:09.140 she had this down, we'd been playing quarters 00:29:09.140 --> 00:29:12.000 and stuff. Oh yeah, good times. I had to go to 00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:15.339 the bathroom. Well, the upstairs bathroom was 00:29:15.339 --> 00:29:18.400 being utilized, so I went to the downstairs bathroom. 00:29:19.940 --> 00:29:23.059 Well, I guess everybody looked for me for about 00:29:23.059 --> 00:29:26.660 three hours. Ain't that right, Steve? If you're 00:29:26.660 --> 00:29:48.630 listening. Okay. Was she in the bathroom with 00:29:48.630 --> 00:29:52.210 you? Yeah, she just sat on the floor and we had 00:29:52.210 --> 00:29:55.170 a conversation. I don't remember none of this. 00:29:55.170 --> 00:30:02.390 I was fucked up, dude. Okay. This was in the 00:30:02.390 --> 00:30:09.589 late 80s, early 90s. Gotcha. Yeah. It was a party 00:30:09.589 --> 00:30:13.730 weekend. We disappeared for three days. Very 00:30:13.730 --> 00:30:57.019 fucking cool. You got ring around the ass. That's 00:30:57.019 --> 00:31:01.000 fucking funny. Told you. Back in the day, it 00:31:01.000 --> 00:31:05.599 was fun. Oh, yeah, it was. It would kill me today. 00:31:06.980 --> 00:31:11.019 Yeah, same here. Yeah. All right. Let's see. 00:31:11.099 --> 00:31:14.039 Next one. Thank you, Rob. Hey, is that story 00:31:14.039 --> 00:31:16.859 about Einstein putting socks over his shoes real? 00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:20.299 Jenny and Tulane. Yes, it is. Look it up. It's 00:31:20.299 --> 00:31:24.369 common. It's common knowledge. I mean. The reason 00:31:24.369 --> 00:31:26.309 I cover it is because I've known this all along. 00:31:26.390 --> 00:31:28.569 People say, you always hear people go, well, 00:31:28.589 --> 00:31:30.710 Einstein was so intelligent, he couldn't figure 00:31:30.710 --> 00:31:33.690 out how to tie a shoe. No, he did know how to 00:31:33.690 --> 00:31:35.990 tie a shoe. He thought it was a waste of time. 00:31:36.349 --> 00:31:39.269 So he, I would hate to smell his feet. I can 00:31:39.269 --> 00:31:41.990 tell you that right now. Yeah. He would not wear 00:31:41.990 --> 00:31:44.869 his socks under his shoes. He would wear his 00:31:44.869 --> 00:31:47.349 socks over his shoes because he thought tying 00:31:47.349 --> 00:31:50.069 his shoes was an incredible waste of time. And 00:31:50.069 --> 00:31:52.190 he's probably right. It is a waste of time. But, 00:31:52.230 --> 00:31:54.089 you know, I don't want to fall. I don't want 00:31:54.089 --> 00:31:56.069 to trip over them and, like, break my knee open 00:31:56.069 --> 00:31:57.930 and have another operation or something. So, 00:31:57.930 --> 00:32:02.170 okay. So, Jenny, yes, it's true. You can look 00:32:02.170 --> 00:32:04.650 it up. I'm not screwing with you. It's true. 00:32:05.009 --> 00:32:08.009 All right. While we're on emails, our regular 00:32:08.009 --> 00:32:10.990 emailers have a secret code I gave them. They 00:32:10.990 --> 00:32:13.150 put it in the body of every email they send. 00:32:13.470 --> 00:32:16.069 So all you clever punks out there trying to fool 00:32:16.069 --> 00:32:18.430 us with fake emails from our regulars, it's not 00:32:18.430 --> 00:32:23.400 working. You know, people are trying to say that 00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:25.700 there's somebody and screw them with us and trying 00:32:25.700 --> 00:32:28.099 to get us mad at them. Well, I started giving 00:32:28.099 --> 00:32:30.359 all the regular emails like Ronnie in Tulsa, 00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:34.000 Mitch, and now Ross, Rossington. I give them 00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:36.660 their own code. So every time they email me, 00:32:36.720 --> 00:32:38.619 they put that code in the body of the email. 00:32:38.779 --> 00:32:41.920 And if that code is not there or wrong, I know 00:32:41.920 --> 00:32:46.140 it's not them. Exactly. It works great. Which 00:32:46.140 --> 00:32:49.059 leads me to this right there. Right here. Hey, 00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:52.140 guys. This is Mitch for real. Here's my code. 00:32:52.299 --> 00:32:55.839 Code was correct. It's Mitch. I'm coming clean 00:32:55.839 --> 00:32:58.019 with you guys. I used to hang out with Jessie, 00:32:58.180 --> 00:33:00.400 the dark -haired biracial chick from Grandview, 00:33:00.420 --> 00:33:07.579 a lot. Remember her? Oh, my God! Yes. There's 00:33:07.579 --> 00:33:10.200 someone I'd forgotten completely, completely 00:33:10.200 --> 00:33:17.180 about. Completely about. Okay, go on. Okay. I 00:33:17.180 --> 00:33:20.380 think her last name was Jenkins, possibly. I 00:33:20.380 --> 00:33:21.799 don't think it was Jenkins. It was something 00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:25.019 with a J, but I don't think it was Jenkins. I 00:33:25.019 --> 00:33:27.440 don't think so either, but still. It was like 00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:30.039 that, like Jackson or something. I don't know. 00:33:30.119 --> 00:33:33.579 I know exactly who you're talking about. Yeah, 00:33:33.660 --> 00:33:37.240 I remember her. And he goes on to say, I know 00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:39.819 both you and Mark. I never really got along with 00:33:39.819 --> 00:33:41.819 Mark. He always stole the show, and I admit I 00:33:41.819 --> 00:33:45.339 was a bit jealous. I live south of Freeman, but 00:33:45.339 --> 00:33:48.819 now am moving to Wyoming next month. That's right. 00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:51.160 In the middle of winter, wish me luck. I will 00:33:51.160 --> 00:33:53.460 still keep in touch. Sincerely, Mitch, your best 00:33:53.460 --> 00:33:55.420 looking, most charming fan that will actually 00:33:55.420 --> 00:33:58.099 come on the show if you would like. And I told 00:33:58.099 --> 00:34:01.400 him, I sent him a number. I said, come on. So 00:34:01.400 --> 00:34:04.640 Mitch, call me whenever we can set it up or send 00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:07.259 me a text and say, hey, this is Mitch. I want 00:34:07.259 --> 00:34:09.099 to come on your next show and we'll figure it 00:34:09.099 --> 00:34:12.780 out. So it's cool. But I know why Mitch hates 00:34:12.780 --> 00:34:21.530 me. Well, I can tell you why. I can tell you 00:34:21.530 --> 00:34:26.469 why. When he mentioned Jesse, the chick from 00:34:26.469 --> 00:34:29.230 Grandview, I have a little story about him and 00:34:29.230 --> 00:34:35.969 her. I was driving whose car? Denise. Remember 00:34:35.969 --> 00:34:42.429 Denise? She was a bus girl we worked with. Okay, 00:34:42.449 --> 00:34:47.369 not my ex -Denise. No, no, no, no. Not my older 00:34:47.369 --> 00:34:50.750 son's Denise. No, no, no, no. The other, yes. 00:34:51.449 --> 00:34:53.230 Yeah, I remember that. Blonde hair, blonde hair 00:34:53.230 --> 00:34:55.769 Denise. Yeah, little blonde. Yes, I remember 00:34:55.769 --> 00:35:00.710 her. Yeah, her. Okay. I was driving her car because 00:35:00.710 --> 00:35:04.469 she was drunk. Okay, and we had a bunch of people 00:35:04.469 --> 00:35:07.130 in the car. You know how everyone's like, hey, 00:35:07.210 --> 00:35:10.130 where are you going? Oh, can I tag along? Can 00:35:10.130 --> 00:35:13.300 I come along? Okay. Well, Mitch just met Jesse, 00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:15.340 and they hit it off really good. They're in the 00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:18.460 back of Denise's car with, like, three other 00:35:18.460 --> 00:35:21.440 people. They start making out and all this stuff. 00:35:21.880 --> 00:35:25.780 And, you know, whenever, like, there's sex getting 00:35:25.780 --> 00:35:27.679 ready to go on, there's a certain smell, right? 00:35:28.420 --> 00:35:31.320 And it's all in the car. And Denise looks at 00:35:31.320 --> 00:35:34.880 me, and I look at her, and she whispers, are 00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:38.840 they? And I look back in the mirror. I go. Oh, 00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:40.579 yeah. She goes, I don't fucking want that in 00:35:40.579 --> 00:35:43.699 my car. I said, I don't blame you. Okay. She's 00:35:43.699 --> 00:35:47.420 whispering all this shit. So, all of a sudden, 00:35:47.500 --> 00:35:51.440 I go, fuck. And I pump the brakes three times. 00:35:52.280 --> 00:35:57.059 Okay. And I go, cop. So, I pull the car over. 00:35:57.559 --> 00:35:59.780 Mitch runs out with his fucking pants down in 00:35:59.780 --> 00:36:02.920 a boner because he had a fucking warrant. He's 00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:04.619 out there hiding in a field thinking there's 00:36:04.619 --> 00:36:08.289 a cop behind us. Jesse's throwing her clothes 00:36:08.289 --> 00:36:14.150 on. Yes, Mitch, I'm telling on you. I love you, 00:36:14.170 --> 00:36:17.690 Mitch. I love you, Mitch. And I don't think you 00:36:17.690 --> 00:36:19.750 were along on that, but if you were, correct 00:36:19.750 --> 00:36:26.889 me. Because... Oh, it was a great trip. Yeah, 00:36:27.250 --> 00:36:30.750 that's why he hates me, I'm pretty sure. No, 00:36:30.750 --> 00:36:41.940 but once you mentioned her, yeah. It was Mitchell. 00:36:41.940 --> 00:36:44.920 Was it called? Yeah. Yes. Well, we're going to 00:36:44.920 --> 00:36:49.239 stay down here. It was different. It was longer 00:36:49.239 --> 00:36:52.880 than Mitch. Yes, you did. Yeah, yeah. You said 00:36:52.880 --> 00:36:56.400 that. It was a little longer. But, yeah, I remember 00:36:56.400 --> 00:36:59.659 that. I remember him. Yeah, yeah. So, I guess 00:36:59.659 --> 00:37:03.219 he goes by Mitch now. So, Mitch. Yeah, you're 00:37:03.219 --> 00:37:06.300 right. Me and him did get along good. Yeah, and 00:37:06.300 --> 00:37:11.260 he did not like me. He says I stole the show, 00:37:11.380 --> 00:37:13.320 which I know. I was a loud mouth and I always 00:37:13.320 --> 00:37:15.840 got attention. Yes, I know this. But I think 00:37:15.840 --> 00:37:17.780 the real reason he hates me is not because of 00:37:17.780 --> 00:37:19.440 that. I think it's because I made him run through 00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:21.159 a field with a boner fucking thinking there's 00:37:21.159 --> 00:37:24.940 a cop behind us. That's why. With his pants down. 00:37:25.079 --> 00:37:27.960 Fuck, I would too. I still have problems all 00:37:27.960 --> 00:37:34.139 these years later. Oh gosh, that was great. And 00:37:34.139 --> 00:37:36.039 the funny thing is... Bitch, we gotta get you 00:37:36.039 --> 00:37:38.460 on the show, bitch. We got to. The funny thing 00:37:38.460 --> 00:37:40.500 is, is Jesse thought it was funnier than hell. 00:37:40.920 --> 00:37:43.400 She threw her clothes back on and was fucking 00:37:43.400 --> 00:37:46.219 dying laughing. The bad thing is, it killed the 00:37:46.219 --> 00:37:49.800 mood. So I know Mitch was really mad at me. But 00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:52.480 Denise was getting her car all fucking stanked 00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:58.840 up by him. I mean, I had no choice. I had no 00:37:58.840 --> 00:38:05.860 choice. Anyhow, Mitch, send me a text. I sent 00:38:05.860 --> 00:38:15.300 you my number. Well, I'm glad he said her name 00:38:15.300 --> 00:38:18.960 because I've never done it. Because we have known, 00:38:19.239 --> 00:38:23.340 Mitch knows both of us just by the things he 00:38:23.340 --> 00:38:27.280 says. Yep. Everything makes sense. It's been 00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:30.739 years since I've seen. Everything makes sense, 00:38:30.760 --> 00:38:33.079 man. We've seen. Everything fits together now. 00:38:33.119 --> 00:38:35.420 Everything makes sense. I knew we're going to, 00:38:35.420 --> 00:38:37.420 once he said who he was, we're both going to 00:38:37.420 --> 00:38:39.940 go, oh, yeah, I knew that was going to happen. 00:38:40.039 --> 00:38:51.460 So there you go. Should I get to the crass email 00:38:51.460 --> 00:38:55.300 or should we save it for the next one? Yeah, 00:38:55.300 --> 00:39:00.639 go for it. We got this. Okay, okay. Mark and 00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:05.760 Rob, why do you refer to your pathetic show as 00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:09.239 being on air? You guys are not on radio. You 00:39:09.239 --> 00:39:11.440 fucking know this, don't you? Or are you guys 00:39:11.440 --> 00:39:14.059 too stupid thinking this podcast is all over 00:39:14.059 --> 00:39:16.699 the place on the airwaves? You should quit saying 00:39:16.699 --> 00:39:20.840 on air. and say our little podcast instead. You 00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:23.420 guys are a couple of bumbling boobs, and nobody 00:39:23.420 --> 00:39:26.659 listens to you, and they hate you. And this is 00:39:26.659 --> 00:39:34.239 from, I can't read, Bravely or Broadly or something 00:39:34.239 --> 00:39:41.079 like that, from Minnesota. Okay. Okay, go ahead. 00:39:49.260 --> 00:39:52.019 Yes, that's one thing. Yeah, take this out through 00:39:52.019 --> 00:39:57.039 airwaves. Yeah, yes. That's one thing, but here's 00:39:57.039 --> 00:40:00.340 a point I get, okay? All right, let's say you're 00:40:00.340 --> 00:40:04.500 going to go sell a car, right? Okay? All right. 00:40:04.760 --> 00:40:07.440 And it's in good condition, doesn't have very 00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:10.639 many miles, okay? Right? So do you go out and 00:40:10.639 --> 00:40:15.420 go, this car is okay? You go, oh, it's in great 00:40:15.420 --> 00:40:18.550 condition. My mom drove it for a couple of years. 00:40:18.590 --> 00:40:20.929 It sat in the garage. It's in perfect shape. 00:40:21.010 --> 00:40:25.309 The engine purrs like a kitten. You have to make 00:40:25.309 --> 00:40:29.829 yourself sound bigger than what you are. No one 00:40:29.829 --> 00:40:33.150 else is going to do that. That's up to you. So 00:40:33.150 --> 00:40:35.909 if you sell a house, a car or something, we're 00:40:35.909 --> 00:40:38.349 selling something here. We're trying to get people 00:40:38.349 --> 00:40:41.429 to listen to us. So saying on air sounds better. 00:40:49.539 --> 00:40:52.320 Yes, yes, yeah. We keep forgetting it, yeah. 00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:54.960 You've got to cleanse your Bluetooth. Yeah, yeah, 00:40:55.039 --> 00:40:57.380 after you listen to this, you have to clean your 00:40:57.380 --> 00:40:59.880 Bluetooth off. I bleach mine, but a lot of people 00:40:59.880 --> 00:41:02.219 boil them. So, you know, you can do whatever. 00:41:02.820 --> 00:41:07.719 See, I went too long. I need to do it. Oh, yeah, 00:41:07.780 --> 00:41:10.980 mine's all gunked up from the show. I may end 00:41:10.980 --> 00:41:13.760 up with an ear infection. I don't know. Oh, geez, 00:41:13.800 --> 00:41:20.639 I'm sorry. Yeah, I hope not. Okay, so Rob, do 00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:23.780 you have anything more to add to that? That's 00:41:23.780 --> 00:41:27.639 all I've got on that one. Yeah, me too. You can 00:41:27.639 --> 00:41:30.099 nitpick all you want, and you can not like this 00:41:30.099 --> 00:41:33.619 show. But at least have something valid. Have 00:41:33.619 --> 00:41:37.900 something that really is something. Don't just 00:41:37.900 --> 00:41:40.599 pick some shit out of air and try to jab at us. 00:41:40.699 --> 00:41:42.659 That's the only reason I mention that stupid 00:41:42.659 --> 00:41:45.559 one at all. And besides that, you misspell words 00:41:45.559 --> 00:41:48.969 really fucking bad. You look like a moron. He 00:41:48.969 --> 00:41:54.510 does. I did not see that part. Well, and also, 00:41:54.690 --> 00:41:57.210 well, I had to correct a lot of it just to read 00:41:57.210 --> 00:42:01.650 it. And also, Brevely, that can't be your name. 00:42:03.610 --> 00:42:07.889 Anyhow, well, whoever you are, fuck off. Rob. 00:42:08.210 --> 00:42:11.409 I'm going to guess Bradley. You know, and it 00:42:11.409 --> 00:42:13.650 probably is Bradley. He can't fucking write as 00:42:13.650 --> 00:42:16.920 a problem. So, okay, Bradley, we're just going 00:42:16.920 --> 00:42:20.500 to call you Brad. Hey, Brad, thanks a lot for 00:42:20.500 --> 00:42:23.079 the comments. Oh, yeah, but no, we can't do that 00:42:23.079 --> 00:42:24.940 either. That's my brother -in -law's name. Oh, 00:42:24.940 --> 00:42:27.239 okay. And I like him. Let's call him Brevely, 00:42:27.260 --> 00:42:31.619 like it was spelled. Okay, Brevely, thank you, 00:42:31.619 --> 00:42:35.170 Brevely. We appreciate it, Brevely. Have a good 00:42:35.170 --> 00:42:36.849 day, Brevely. We're going to take it all into 00:42:36.849 --> 00:42:39.550 consideration, and we will figure out what we're 00:42:39.550 --> 00:42:41.849 going to do. Thanks for your suggestions, Brevely. 00:42:41.889 --> 00:42:44.230 Have a good night, and go fuck yourself. Rob, 00:42:44.389 --> 00:43:08.630 let's go to you. Alright! Okay. Footages surfaced 00:43:08.630 --> 00:43:16.309 that British boxer Anthony Joshua Uh -huh. Yes, 00:43:16.329 --> 00:43:20.449 the one that knocked out that broke Logan Paul's 00:43:20.449 --> 00:43:27.130 jaw. Yeah. Being rescued from a wreckage of a 00:43:27.130 --> 00:43:30.769 fatal car crash. Yes. Two people were killed 00:43:30.769 --> 00:44:18.969 in that. Yeah, I'm getting that. Oh, sorry. Close 00:44:18.969 --> 00:44:23.929 enough. A notoriously busy stretch of road frequently 00:44:23.929 --> 00:44:27.869 cited by local media as one of the country's 00:44:27.869 --> 00:44:32.429 most dangerous. According to Nigeria's Federal 00:44:32.429 --> 00:44:38.210 Road Safety Corps, the Lexus SUV Joshua was traveling 00:44:38.210 --> 00:44:42.630 in. He was traveling in. I don't think he was 00:44:42.630 --> 00:44:45.590 driving. That's the way I read it, too. Yeah. 00:45:33.370 --> 00:45:38.690 No, no, both names are B, Starter B, yeah, Bevel 00:45:38.690 --> 00:46:07.960 Snatch. Cool. And said the news came as they 00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:12.900 shot to the family. Okay. Yeah, they're hoping 00:46:12.900 --> 00:46:16.179 for a speedy recovery. But it sounded like he 00:46:16.179 --> 00:46:21.239 really was not that, did not get hurt bad. It's 00:46:21.239 --> 00:46:24.000 sad that he was in the same vehicle that two 00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:27.519 people died. No, it is. It's really sad. That's 00:46:27.519 --> 00:46:31.820 not good at all. It sucks. And you know that 00:46:31.820 --> 00:46:35.809 these people were close to him. Yes. Yeah, that's 00:46:35.809 --> 00:46:41.030 horrible. Interesting enough, okay, they were 00:46:41.030 --> 00:46:49.309 talking about the fight, right, and how this 00:46:49.309 --> 00:46:52.309 guy was a real boxer and just beat the shit out 00:46:52.309 --> 00:46:55.789 of him. Of course he did. We saw it. Mike Tyson, 00:46:56.030 --> 00:46:58.429 coincidentally, is saying that he wants a rematch, 00:46:58.510 --> 00:47:00.750 and he says he doesn't want it scripted this 00:47:00.750 --> 00:47:03.289 time like last time. What do you think of that? 00:47:05.900 --> 00:47:09.000 He said the last... He said it was scripted, 00:47:09.000 --> 00:47:17.000 Rob. Scripted. If that's true... He said their 00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:20.860 fight was scripted or Anthony Joshua? No, he 00:47:20.860 --> 00:47:23.260 said his fight was scripted. He said he wants 00:47:23.260 --> 00:47:27.139 a rematch. Well, let him because he ain't gonna 00:47:27.139 --> 00:47:30.340 get it because Anthony Joshua, the best guy, 00:47:30.539 --> 00:47:34.320 dog busted his jaw in two places. No, I know, 00:47:34.340 --> 00:47:50.500 I know. Yeah. Yeah, no, no, no. He's, yeah. I 00:47:50.500 --> 00:47:54.739 don't think, I don't see how. I'm sorry, Iron 00:47:54.739 --> 00:47:58.960 Mike. I love you. I grew up watching you. Yeah. 00:47:59.380 --> 00:48:01.820 No, you're wrong on this one. You ain't going 00:48:01.820 --> 00:48:04.539 to get another fight in Logan Paul. Oh, I know, 00:48:04.559 --> 00:48:06.619 but what do you think about him saying it's scripted? 00:48:06.699 --> 00:48:08.980 What do you think about him saying it's scripted? 00:48:08.980 --> 00:48:11.260 That's what I can't get over right there is. 00:48:12.400 --> 00:48:18.159 No, actually, I think it was. Yeah, you see... 00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:23.719 Because, honestly, both matches, even this one, 00:48:23.920 --> 00:48:27.699 was supposed to be an expedition match. Yes, 00:48:27.699 --> 00:48:29.960 I know. Yeah, there's no title on the line. Okay, 00:48:29.980 --> 00:48:34.380 which means there is specific rules. You really 00:48:34.380 --> 00:48:38.639 can't hurt each other. Uh -huh. Even though he 00:48:38.639 --> 00:49:17.179 was... I say... And he did show up. He got his 00:49:17.179 --> 00:49:21.539 jaw wired shut. He got his jaw wired shut. And 00:49:21.539 --> 00:49:25.000 it's causing him a lawsuit. But, hey, he did 00:49:25.000 --> 00:49:29.320 it. That's right. I'd be the same way. I would 00:49:29.320 --> 00:49:34.360 be the same way. Okay, cool. All right. You got 00:49:34.360 --> 00:49:44.710 some more garbage? That's it on that. Okay. It 00:49:44.710 --> 00:49:47.630 wasn't even the garbage. Oh, it wasn't. That's 00:49:47.630 --> 00:49:51.190 right. I have not gotten to the bag of garbage 00:49:51.190 --> 00:49:53.510 yet. You want to go ahead and go to it, and then 00:49:53.510 --> 00:49:55.630 we'll take our second break, and we'll come back 00:49:55.630 --> 00:49:59.630 with ass paddlings? No, actually, let's take 00:49:59.630 --> 00:50:02.070 a break. Okay. All right. We'll be right back. 00:50:03.929 --> 00:50:06.909 Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for 00:50:06.909 --> 00:50:09.570 brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about. 00:50:10.079 --> 00:50:13.460 The very last meal on the Titanic before it went 00:50:13.460 --> 00:50:20.880 down was lamb with mint sauce. And now we look 00:50:20.880 --> 00:50:23.440 in on the adventures of the technical explanation 00:50:23.440 --> 00:50:27.460 guy. Excuse me, my dear sir. Could you please 00:50:27.460 --> 00:50:30.239 put my plain bread in a small countertop appliance 00:50:30.239 --> 00:50:32.360 with heating elements that would spring loaded 00:50:32.360 --> 00:50:35.519 and would brown my bread adequately? Well, first 00:50:35.519 --> 00:50:38.300 off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over there 00:50:38.300 --> 00:50:41.380 sitting at the table having a drink. Second off, 00:50:41.400 --> 00:50:43.320 are you talking about someone toasting your bread? 00:50:43.719 --> 00:50:46.380 Why, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about my bread 00:50:46.380 --> 00:50:48.539 being toasted. Then why don't you just ask for 00:50:48.539 --> 00:50:51.099 your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? What 00:50:51.099 --> 00:50:54.920 the hell's wrong with you? Hey there, slap nuts. 00:50:55.039 --> 00:51:00.659 It's time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my 00:51:00.659 --> 00:51:03.099 little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol 00:51:03.099 --> 00:51:06.340 with your music news. Almost two decades after 00:51:06.340 --> 00:51:08.480 donating hundreds of signed books to the Negro 00:51:08.480 --> 00:51:11.199 Leagues Baseball Museum, a legendary musician 00:51:11.199 --> 00:51:13.639 returned to the museum Saturday to sign the book 00:51:13.639 --> 00:51:16.800 he wrote about his massive collection. Geddy 00:51:16.800 --> 00:51:19.539 Lee is best known as the lead vocalist and bassist 00:51:19.539 --> 00:51:22.500 for legendary rock band Rush, but the Negro Leagues 00:51:22.500 --> 00:51:24.940 Baseball Museum knows him best as the man who 00:51:24.940 --> 00:51:28.320 donated 400 baseballs signed by Negro League 00:51:28.320 --> 00:51:31.480 players. Lee returned to the museum today to 00:51:31.480 --> 00:51:33.619 sign his new book about the stories tied to those 00:51:33.619 --> 00:51:36.659 baseballs. called 72 Stories from the Collection 00:51:36.659 --> 00:51:40.280 of Geddy Lee. Kendrick said Lee actually bid 00:51:40.280 --> 00:51:41.980 on the collection at an auction specifically 00:51:41.980 --> 00:51:45.679 to donate to the museum. Geddy, couldn't you 00:51:45.679 --> 00:51:47.519 have at least played a small set in one town? 00:51:47.860 --> 00:51:50.960 Casey isn't getting a tour date anyhow. This 00:51:50.960 --> 00:51:54.039 is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music news. 00:51:54.139 --> 00:52:12.949 And remember, bar chords are bullshit. When everything 00:52:12.949 --> 00:52:16.889 is coming your way, you're in the wrong way. 00:52:19.469 --> 00:52:21.889 Ms. Gulkenstein was tired of Mark and Toe for 00:52:21.889 --> 00:52:24.489 making sport of her. Little did the douchebags 00:52:24.489 --> 00:52:27.389 know, Ms. Gulkenstein was a voodoo high priestess 00:52:27.389 --> 00:52:30.909 when she was younger. She grew angry and cast 00:52:30.909 --> 00:52:33.949 a spell on Rob, changing Rob into a capuchin 00:52:33.949 --> 00:52:38.530 monkey. Mark took Rob to a local zoo so he could 00:52:38.530 --> 00:52:40.909 be with the other monkeys. Here are the adventures 00:52:40.909 --> 00:52:47.329 of Rob. The Capuchin Monkey. Shh, be very quiet. 00:52:47.769 --> 00:52:50.489 We're going to listen in as Rob the Capuchin 00:52:50.489 --> 00:52:52.570 Monkey tries to sell the rest of the Capuchin 00:52:52.570 --> 00:52:55.369 Monkey's Amway. Rob has always dreamed of becoming 00:52:55.369 --> 00:52:58.829 a Diamond Status Amway as a Capuchin Monkey. 00:53:19.880 --> 00:53:23.400 Little did our hero Rob know. All the great apes 00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:25.659 owned stock in Sam's Club and became violently 00:53:25.659 --> 00:53:27.719 pissed off when he tried to infringe on their 00:53:27.719 --> 00:53:30.420 territory. They promptly grabbed switches and 00:53:30.420 --> 00:53:33.019 beat his ass for three days straight. Rob could 00:53:33.019 --> 00:53:54.349 not sit down. Remember, post -apocalypse, to 00:53:54.349 --> 00:53:58.829 have a sewage bit. Sewage untreated can result 00:53:58.829 --> 00:54:03.190 in serious illness and other obstacles for your 00:54:03.190 --> 00:54:06.809 family to live well. You also should have some 00:54:06.809 --> 00:54:09.630 chemicals stocked up, maybe bags of chlorine 00:54:09.630 --> 00:54:13.690 or something of such, to sanitize the sewage 00:54:13.690 --> 00:54:17.940 per week. Harambe used to listen to our original 00:54:17.940 --> 00:54:20.719 show, Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic 00:54:20.719 --> 00:54:23.940 Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen to our 00:54:23.940 --> 00:54:26.420 original show, Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack 00:54:26.420 --> 00:54:29.800 Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask 00:54:29.800 --> 00:54:32.400 why Harambe never listens to our original show, 00:54:32.519 --> 00:54:34.639 Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic 00:54:34.639 --> 00:54:37.900 Tape Recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is 00:54:37.900 --> 00:54:40.539 dead. Senselessly murdered because some idiot 00:54:40.539 --> 00:54:42.639 did not watch her child properly while looking 00:54:42.639 --> 00:54:45.670 on her phone. Sadly, Arambe does not listen to 00:54:45.670 --> 00:54:47.610 our original show, Two Gibshits and the Cheap 00:54:47.610 --> 00:54:50.150 Radio Shedack Realistic Take Recorder, or any 00:54:50.150 --> 00:54:54.530 other show. Anymore. Sorry, Arambe. Our constant 00:54:54.530 --> 00:54:57.849 pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's strange 00:54:57.849 --> 00:55:02.190 insults from an alien. Real hilarity. You are 00:55:02.190 --> 00:55:05.909 dressed like an assistant debate coach at an 00:55:05.909 --> 00:55:11.090 Ohio State middle school. Next up, things overheard 00:55:11.090 --> 00:55:16.760 in hell. Gary Glitter has been named the lead 00:55:16.760 --> 00:55:22.280 singer in the boys' choir of hell. Since the 00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:24.699 dawn of time, weird shit has happened. Strange 00:55:24.699 --> 00:55:28.119 occurrences, unexplained phobias, and other odd 00:55:28.119 --> 00:55:30.519 happenings. Over the next minute, we would like 00:55:30.519 --> 00:55:33.219 to bring you odd, rare phobias and conditions. 00:55:34.280 --> 00:55:37.139 Harlequin ichthyosis is a genetic disorder that 00:55:37.139 --> 00:55:39.059 babies are born with a thickened skin nearly 00:55:39.059 --> 00:55:41.820 over its entire body. The skin forms a large 00:55:41.820 --> 00:55:44.739 diamond trapezoid rectangle -shaped plates that 00:55:44.739 --> 00:55:47.159 are separated by deep cracks. These affect the 00:55:47.159 --> 00:55:50.119 shape of the eyelids, nose, ears, mouth, and 00:55:50.119 --> 00:55:52.360 limit the movement of the arms and legs. There 00:55:52.360 --> 00:55:54.699 are treatment options, finally. The survival 00:55:54.699 --> 00:55:58.760 rate is much higher. Oh, shit. What's that over 00:55:58.760 --> 00:56:03.000 there? Oh, no. It's the island of horrible jokes. 00:56:04.719 --> 00:56:12.110 My hotel. Tried to charge me for air conditioning. 00:56:13.429 --> 00:56:27.349 That's not cool. Hi there. This is your ears. 00:56:28.250 --> 00:56:32.329 Why are you listening to this garbage? I thought 00:56:32.329 --> 00:56:35.309 we were friends. Tomorrow morning, while grinding 00:56:35.309 --> 00:56:37.530 your coffee beans for your double mocha latte, 00:56:37.869 --> 00:56:40.469 remember to not get your genitals caught in the 00:56:40.469 --> 00:56:44.150 grinder. It really hurts. Who can afford plastic 00:56:44.150 --> 00:56:55.849 surgery? Stay safe, everyone. Oh, Lord. That 00:56:55.849 --> 00:56:59.590 man just sawed a puppy in half. Hey there. Don't 00:56:59.590 --> 00:57:09.510 worry. I have a clown nose. guy just hit my child 00:57:09.510 --> 00:57:15.909 it is okay i have a clown nose clown nose just 00:57:15.909 --> 00:57:18.829 put one on and you can do anything want to run 00:57:18.829 --> 00:57:22.070 for office murder people in public just grab 00:57:22.070 --> 00:57:26.250 a clown nose and bam everyone laughs clown noses 00:57:26.250 --> 00:57:28.030 are sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions 00:57:28.030 --> 00:57:40.559 grab one today and make magic happen Two douchebags 00:57:40.559 --> 00:57:43.360 and microphone. I am one of your gracious hosts, 00:57:43.519 --> 00:57:46.440 Mark, and I am here in the Kansas City area at 00:57:46.440 --> 00:57:48.519 what I like to call the Talk is Cheap studio. 00:58:15.019 --> 00:58:16.719 Thank you, Rob. Do you want to go into your bag 00:58:16.719 --> 00:58:18.619 of garbage, and we'll go into some ass paddlings, 00:58:18.719 --> 00:58:24.000 or vice versa? Go vice versa. Okay. All right. 00:58:24.340 --> 00:58:28.000 Okay. Yeah. Okay, well, I got a few ass paddlings. 00:58:28.300 --> 00:58:32.340 I took advantage of the break. Okay, cool. All 00:58:32.340 --> 00:58:37.039 right. Ass paddlings, some of these are old. 00:58:37.079 --> 00:58:39.599 I have not been able to get to ass paddlings, 00:58:39.699 --> 00:58:42.219 so I'm sorry if some of them are a little dated, 00:58:42.300 --> 00:58:45.730 but we're going with them anyhow. Ass paddling 00:58:45.730 --> 00:58:48.710 was originated on, I think, our third show ever 00:58:48.710 --> 00:58:53.650 when it was Topher and I before Rob. And Topher 00:58:53.650 --> 00:58:57.269 and I do the sports and music show. So we decided 00:58:57.269 --> 00:58:59.489 to do ass paddling to people that need it because 00:58:59.489 --> 00:59:01.690 every now and then people need an ass paddling 00:59:01.690 --> 00:59:06.489 because they do stupid shit. So we wanted to 00:59:06.489 --> 00:59:08.429 be invisible doing this, so we lucked out. One 00:59:08.429 --> 00:59:13.329 day... Topher and I were on vacation in Florida, 00:59:13.530 --> 00:59:15.769 a little mini -vacay, and we're walking in the 00:59:15.769 --> 00:59:18.230 sand in the morning on the beach. We're not holding 00:59:18.230 --> 00:59:20.650 hands, although Rob and his brother, the Duke, 00:59:20.789 --> 00:59:24.170 says we were. We were not holding hands. And 00:59:24.170 --> 00:59:26.730 two men can have a tender moment without holding 00:59:26.730 --> 00:59:29.409 hands, is what we're saying. The sun was rising, 00:59:29.590 --> 00:59:33.210 and it was shining off our heads, and the dew. 00:59:33.389 --> 00:59:35.650 It was just a beautiful morning until I stubbed 00:59:35.650 --> 00:59:37.789 my toe on something. I looked down. It looks 00:59:37.789 --> 00:59:41.460 like a genie's bottle. And Topher goes, oh, that's 00:59:41.460 --> 00:59:43.119 a genie's bottle. And I'm like, no, it's not. 00:59:43.320 --> 00:59:45.420 I go over there and I look. My toe's fucking 00:59:45.420 --> 00:59:47.619 throbbing. I go, dude, that's a genie's bottle. 00:59:47.760 --> 00:59:50.480 He's like, oh, yeah, no shit. Pop it open. Genie 00:59:50.480 --> 00:59:53.659 comes out. So Topher and I are like, ah, we get 00:59:53.659 --> 00:59:55.880 three wishes. And the genie, he hated us. He 00:59:55.880 --> 00:59:57.960 was condescending. He rolls his eyes. He goes, 00:59:58.039 --> 01:00:01.099 no. No, you watch too much TV. He goes, you get 01:00:01.099 --> 01:00:04.380 one wish. One wish only. Make it count. How about 01:00:04.380 --> 01:00:08.039 world peace? How about end of cancer? How about? 01:00:08.460 --> 01:00:12.300 End world hunger. Pollution. And Topher and I 01:00:12.300 --> 01:00:16.300 looked at each other, and we said, yeah, we want 01:00:16.300 --> 01:00:20.519 to ass -paddle people invisible. So the genie 01:00:20.519 --> 01:00:22.920 rolled his eyes, and he said, very well, I have 01:00:22.920 --> 01:00:25.559 to grant you this wish. You let me out. He goes, 01:00:25.699 --> 01:00:29.400 so. All right. And so, after talking to the genie, 01:00:29.400 --> 01:00:31.119 we get along with the genie now pretty well, 01:00:31.239 --> 01:00:34.400 he has granted Rob special permission for him 01:00:34.400 --> 01:00:36.679 to join along, too, and be invisible and ask 01:00:36.679 --> 01:00:39.860 Paddle these idiots with us. The paddle that 01:00:39.860 --> 01:00:44.000 we use, that is also invisible, is a replica 01:00:44.000 --> 01:00:47.019 of old Sparky, which used to be administered 01:00:47.019 --> 01:00:49.900 to my bottom quite a few times at Cass Midway 01:00:49.900 --> 01:00:53.889 High. and he used to sit in the trophy case next 01:00:53.889 --> 01:00:57.610 to the state championships. He had a long wood 01:00:57.610 --> 01:01:02.570 stock, and he had a long paddle on him that had, 01:01:02.650 --> 01:01:05.630 he was thick, and he had holes in him so you 01:01:05.630 --> 01:01:09.369 could get extra might when coming down on a young 01:01:09.369 --> 01:01:12.389 man's ass like mine, and it hurt like hell. So 01:01:12.389 --> 01:01:15.969 that's what we use, and so the first person that 01:01:15.969 --> 01:01:18.349 gets the Invisible Ass Paddling is Dave Tobe. 01:01:18.780 --> 01:01:21.139 Chief Special Teams Coordinator. And this is 01:01:21.139 --> 01:01:24.199 because of him wagging the dog on everybody. 01:01:24.579 --> 01:01:28.659 You know, he took and his special teams were 01:01:28.659 --> 01:01:30.599 fucking up. And then someone said about Trump, 01:01:30.659 --> 01:01:33.320 said he didn't like the new kickoff rules. And 01:01:33.320 --> 01:01:36.159 he started going off, oh, yeah, he's an idiot. 01:01:36.260 --> 01:01:37.900 He doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't 01:01:37.900 --> 01:01:40.900 know the rules. And this isn't a pro -Trump thing 01:01:40.900 --> 01:01:43.239 or nothing. What this is, is just, I hate people 01:01:43.239 --> 01:01:47.289 that do that. I can't stand it. He should have 01:01:47.289 --> 01:01:48.929 just been like, you know what, we're going to 01:01:48.929 --> 01:01:51.110 play better. I accept it. It's my fault. But 01:01:51.110 --> 01:01:53.429 instead, he wagged the dog, and he tried to point 01:01:53.429 --> 01:01:55.750 towards the president. He'd go, well, who said 01:01:55.750 --> 01:01:58.989 the rules suck? And it just didn't work. It came 01:01:58.989 --> 01:02:03.010 out horrible. So he gets an ass -pattling. Why 01:02:03.010 --> 01:02:05.449 do you blame the president when you're in the 01:02:05.449 --> 01:02:08.469 NFL? Exactly. It was wag the dog. It was the 01:02:08.469 --> 01:02:12.070 old heat reversal. It's classic heat reversal. 01:02:12.610 --> 01:02:15.070 It's like, oh, don't look at me. Look at that 01:02:15.070 --> 01:02:17.500 guy. He's worse. That's what he did. What the 01:02:17.500 --> 01:02:20.579 hell does the president have to do with you? 01:02:21.039 --> 01:02:24.219 Yes, exactly. He had no business saying anything 01:02:24.219 --> 01:02:27.559 except, I accept the responsibility like Mahomes 01:02:27.559 --> 01:02:29.340 does, like Reid does, and all that. There you 01:02:29.340 --> 01:02:33.500 go. I accept responsibility for the way we're 01:02:33.500 --> 01:02:35.239 playing. I'm going to make sure it's corrected. 01:02:35.360 --> 01:02:37.960 That's what he should have said. And he could 01:02:37.960 --> 01:02:41.059 not do that. No, no. So, to me, he's an idiot. 01:02:41.179 --> 01:02:44.219 Ass paddling. In my opinion, ass paddling. The 01:02:44.219 --> 01:02:46.820 next one is Bill Belichick for his family fights 01:02:46.820 --> 01:02:49.539 over his young girlfriend. They're quite numerous. 01:02:49.980 --> 01:02:52.920 And if you look online, you will find a lot of 01:02:52.920 --> 01:02:56.239 them there. So, Bill Belichick, I don't begrudge 01:02:56.239 --> 01:02:58.280 you for finding a young hot chick. God bless 01:02:58.280 --> 01:03:01.400 you. But can you stop the family fights? Hey, 01:03:01.480 --> 01:03:13.920 I'm 13 years younger. Yeah, yeah. Yep. Well, 01:03:14.059 --> 01:03:16.320 number one, you're not a 70 -year -old bastard. 01:03:17.500 --> 01:03:22.579 So, that's good. I'm a 57 -year -old bastard. 01:03:23.139 --> 01:03:26.659 No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Think about it 01:03:26.659 --> 01:03:31.699 differently. So, Bill Belichick, we just want 01:03:31.699 --> 01:03:35.260 you to corral. It's not working again. Fuck. 01:03:35.699 --> 01:03:39.500 So, Bill, we just want you to corral your family 01:03:39.500 --> 01:03:42.000 so they don't fight. But until then, you get 01:03:42.000 --> 01:03:44.909 an invisible ass. The fuck?