WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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screen the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. Oh, Lord. That man just sawed

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a puppy in half. Hey there. Don't worry. I have

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a clown nose. Oh, no! That drunk guy just hit

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my child! It is okay. I have a clown nose. Clown

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nose. Just put one on and you can do anything.

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Want to run for office? Murder people in public?

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Just grab a clown nose and bam! Everyone laughs.

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Clown noses are sold at keg stores online and

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pedophile conventions. Grab one today and make

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magic happen. Sir, I see your qualifications

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here. May I ask some further questions that could

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help me determine your employment eligibility?

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Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,

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we have a large population of different ethnic

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backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by

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chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why

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you need that kind of information, but, well,

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it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

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it experimental. Hey, you yankers. We often think

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many things are just true because we've heard

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it our whole lives. That's why here at Two Douchebags

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and Microphone, we developed the segment, Not

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True. We investigate and uncover the real truth

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of what happened. Common thought for years was

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that if someone was to throw a penny off the

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Empire State Building and it was to hit somebody,

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it would kill them. The fact is, dropped pennies

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from the Empire State Building will not kill

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a person. It would leave an incredibly painful

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red mark, but should not kill you. This is Joshua

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Belmont, your food for thought man on the hustle.

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So I just realized a genius that gets absolutely

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no credit. His name is Marshall Taylor. He is

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credited with the first bag of salad mix that

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was bagged and sold. Yesterday was his birthday.

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I believe he is still alive. This guy's genius

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will never be fully appreciated. Before this

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man... We settled for iceberg lettuce with maybe

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a couple of croutons and some cheese. Was Mr.

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Taylor satisfied with that? Hell no. He realized

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that Billy Americana would never go out and buy

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a couple of radishes, a couple of carrots, a

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head of purple cabbage, maybe snow peas, and

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possibly some cute romaine lettuce for extra

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bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should have a national

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holiday. And now we look in on the adventures

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of the technical explanation guy. Excuse me,

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sir. Could you please be a good gentleman and

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pass the malt acetic acid my way? Do you mean

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the malt vinegar? Why, yes. Yes, I do mean the

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malt vinegar. Then just say the malt vinegar,

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you dumb buck. Yes, it's true. Mark is an old

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bastard. It's also true that Mark uses a lot

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of ibuprofen. But Mark would like to tell you,

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if you see any pictures of him roofing ibuprofen...

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It's obviously fake, and you're to take the pictures

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and tear them up immediately. Your mama's so

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stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew. Ms.

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Gulkenstein was tired of Mark and Toe for making

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sport of her. Little did the douchebags know,

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Ms. Gulkenstein was a voodoo high priestess when

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she was younger. She grew angry and cast a spell

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on Rob, changing Rob into a capuchin monkey.

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Mark took Rob to a local zoo so he could be with

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the other monkeys. Here are the adventures of

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Rob, the capuchin monkey. Shh, be very quiet.

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We're going to listen in as Rob, the capuchin

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monkey, tries to sell the rest of the capuchin

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monkeys Amway. Rob has always dreamed of becoming

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a diamond status Amway as a capuchin monkey.

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Little did our hero Rob know. All the great apes

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owned stock in Sam's Club and became violently

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pissed off when he tried to infringe on their

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territory. They promptly grabbed switches and

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beat his ass for three days straight. Rob could

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not sit down. Two douchebags and a microphone.

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I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the

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Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob in Wheatland,

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Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway

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and the beautiful Wheatland RV Park. It's beautiful.

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It's beautiful now. I like that. You added to

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it a little bit. Each time you're adding just

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a little bit more. Well, actually, I need to

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check on the name. Harvey Parker. I think it's

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Harvey Parker. You know what? Nobody knows. You

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can call it anything. You can call it fucking...

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Oh, no, no. Well, I don't want to give my location

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away because it's easy enough to find the truck.

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You have the douchebag mobile? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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If you're like me, you're afraid people are going

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to fucking tomato you or some shit, egg you,

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something. Oh, okay. Oh, I bet. Yep. Yeah. Yeah,

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there's a lot of raceways that have an RV park

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right there on the grounds. So, it makes sense.

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Well, I know there's about a block and a half

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of it. Okay, that's close enough. Just saying.

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Yeah, I mean, you know, they could always have

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a golf cart if they didn't feel like walking

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it, right? Right, right, right. So, all right.

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Well, I want to start off with this. There's

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this coffee shop that I go to on my way to work.

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I won't mention the name. It's a great place.

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I love it. They have good coffee. Really good

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place. It has to have the dumbest clientele.

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And I'll explain. I'm in there awaiting my ice

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latte, and I had to use the bathroom. I immediately

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see a couple of signs in the crapper. What now?

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Yeah, oh yeah, hell yeah, yeah. I was like going,

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I gotta go now, not later, not two minutes from

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now, not ten minutes from now, right now. So

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I ran there, the crapper's right there, so I

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ran in there. I had to piss really bad because

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that's what happens when older people have a

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lot of coffee, right? Or a diuretic like that,

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right? Yeah, any liquid really, but coffee does

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not help the cause. Yeah, yeah, and something

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about your prostate is like flipping you off,

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going, nah, nah, I'm not holding anything. You

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get in there and you take your piss like I said

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you have to. So it's just the way it is. Well,

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the problem is I've had my test and I'm good.

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No, I have too, and I was just told that it's

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just the way it is. They're not really an explanation.

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It's just what you're, here's what a doctor told

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me. Be glad you're old enough that you have to

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piss all the time. Yeah, I'm like, well, it's

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a pain in the ass, but I guess it's better than

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not being here. Okay, but it has to have the

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dumbest clientele. I'm in there waiting for my

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iced latte, like I said, and I have to use the

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bathroom. I have to drink iced coffee. Listen,

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someone's going to go, oh, he's bougie. I have

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to drink cold coffee because my GERD will not

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allow me hot coffee anymore. It kills my stomach.

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Is it? Yeah, hot coffee just messes with me.

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Yeah, it's GERD. I've had to give it up. Yep,

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well, I am trying not to give it up because I

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really need it to wake up and get functioning

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a little bit better, you know, a little bit more

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alert. But the problem is, hot coffee I can't

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do, but I found some cold coffee lattes, like

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the Starbucks vanilla latte that comes in a jug,

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and some of the other stuff too. And it's really,

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it's decent coffee. It tastes okay. And I don't

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always want to have to run to a coffee shop on

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the way to work, right? So it's like... I get

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you. I get you. Yeah, and also it's a lot of

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money, too. I mean, so it's not like that shit's

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cheap. Yeah, you can't make a pot at the house,

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you know? No, you're right. So, you know, I go

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to use the bathroom, right? I immediately see

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a couple of signs in the crapper. The first sign

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says, leave light on when you leave. And then

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the second sign said, make sure the door isn't

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locked when you close the door. So I'm like,

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okay, well, okay. I guess maybe they get people

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that like leave the light off and someone older

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could probably walk in there and fucking trip

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or something and crack their head on the crapper

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or something or the sink. So I get that. And

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then the door being locked would really suck.

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You know, you try to use the bathroom. It's like,

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well, nobody's in there. I've been knocking.

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Yeah, so I get both of those. So I'm going to

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the lobby to get my coffee and bail to work.

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When I see yet another sign that reads, please

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watch the floor mat when exiting the building.

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So I'm seeing a pattern here. I'm like, here's

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three signs warning people of what they should

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know already. So when I get out the door, on

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the way out, it had another sign that says, please

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don't park bikes next to the doorway. That's

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four signs that should be common sense. They

00:12:48.169 --> 00:12:51.230
must have the dumbest customers ever. And I love

00:12:51.230 --> 00:12:54.629
the place. It's a great place. But, I mean, all

00:12:54.629 --> 00:12:56.909
those, isn't that something, all those signs?

00:12:57.029 --> 00:13:00.929
It's like, geez. Oh, my God, yeah, yeah. That's

00:13:00.929 --> 00:13:03.330
exactly what I was thinking when you were talking

00:13:03.330 --> 00:13:06.250
about it. Yeah, they must have had some litigation

00:13:06.250 --> 00:13:10.269
or something. Dumbest people around. Yeah, I'm

00:13:10.269 --> 00:13:12.269
like, geez, they had to explain all this and

00:13:12.269 --> 00:13:24.779
spell it out to them. I'm like, gosh. Oh, my

00:13:24.779 --> 00:13:38.200
God, dude. Oh, it's bad. It's bad. We already

00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:42.480
know how he has a job. He's dangerous to himself,

00:13:42.700 --> 00:13:58.879
but it's that way. Yeah. Oh, no, he... Uh -huh.

00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:03.360
Trying to maneuver it into my saw was a trick

00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:10.179
by itself. I bet it is, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I

00:14:10.179 --> 00:14:13.679
told him that my little saw is just on the other

00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:18.860
side where it's coming down. Uh -huh. So I tell

00:14:18.860 --> 00:14:49.070
him to back off and stay there. Mm -hmm. Yeah,

00:14:49.110 --> 00:14:53.289
got it. This stupid son of a bitch walked up

00:14:53.289 --> 00:14:56.629
and was standing right underneath that bundle

00:14:56.629 --> 00:15:01.649
of steel. Oh my gosh. That is stupid as hell.

00:15:01.850 --> 00:15:06.250
He's dangerous to himself. You know, in the olden

00:15:06.250 --> 00:15:09.789
days, that was just called natural selection.

00:15:10.809 --> 00:15:13.450
He's the kind of guy that would walk in front

00:15:13.450 --> 00:15:31.389
of a rhino. Yes. And if it comes off there, it

00:15:31.389 --> 00:15:35.970
comes down on his head, breaks his neck, kills

00:15:35.970 --> 00:15:39.730
him, and I've got to live with respite. Because

00:15:39.730 --> 00:15:58.299
he's a stupid ass. I'm glad you did. Good. Yeah,

00:15:58.299 --> 00:16:02.399
sorry about that. So, okay, well, I mean, I guess

00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:04.639
there's stupid people everywhere, so, all right.

00:16:04.860 --> 00:16:09.600
Yeah, there is. Well, yeah, obviously. So, White

00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:11.779
Castle is letting customers know in Cincinnati,

00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:14.440
Louisville, and New Jersey, they're letting them

00:16:14.440 --> 00:16:16.860
decide what item will be their new permanent

00:16:16.860 --> 00:16:20.700
menu item. They're testing a cheddar smoked slider

00:16:20.700 --> 00:16:25.759
with sausage. Oh, that, I could go on board with

00:16:25.759 --> 00:16:28.899
that, a cheddar smoked sausage. slider that sounds

00:16:28.899 --> 00:16:33.460
good to me what do you yeah that sounds really

00:16:33.460 --> 00:16:38.139
good and then they are also testing pretzel nibblers

00:16:38.139 --> 00:16:39.940
whatever the hell they are i guess they're like

00:16:39.940 --> 00:16:42.340
little pieces of pretzels or something they probably

00:16:42.340 --> 00:16:44.419
have some sort of a twist like cheese in them

00:16:44.419 --> 00:16:47.220
or something i haven't looked it up so the new

00:16:47.220 --> 00:16:49.519
item added will be determined through sales in

00:16:49.519 --> 00:16:54.000
those three regions so um so from one retailer

00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:57.639
well kind of one food chain to a retailer Customers

00:16:57.639 --> 00:17:00.080
were furious over the Target swag bag they were

00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:02.620
handing out to the first 50 people through the

00:17:02.620 --> 00:17:07.839
door on Black Friday. The ingrates received a

00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:10.279
deck of Uno cards, a small bag of gummy clusters,

00:17:10.759 --> 00:17:14.119
travel -sized beauty products, elf lip oil, and

00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:18.779
gem shampoo, LMNT electrolyte drink mix packets,

00:17:19.319 --> 00:17:23.180
three occasional extras in some bags, a Target

00:17:23.180 --> 00:17:25.799
greeting card, a sticker, or a mini keychain.

00:17:26.410 --> 00:17:30.170
all in an iridescent holographic tote bag. Now,

00:17:30.190 --> 00:17:32.609
okay, let's say you don't like any of that other

00:17:32.609 --> 00:17:34.250
stuff, right? You don't like the beauty products

00:17:34.250 --> 00:17:37.990
or nothing like that. Yeah, I don't have a clue

00:17:37.990 --> 00:17:40.690
what any of that is. Okay, but the iridescent

00:17:40.690 --> 00:17:43.690
holographic tote bag sounds fucking phenomenal,

00:17:43.910 --> 00:17:47.230
doesn't it? And the stickers. Yeah, and the stickers,

00:17:47.329 --> 00:17:51.910
too. And then get this. And people are bitching.

00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:03.220
Oh, that'd be nice. That'd be nice. Yeah. Target.

00:18:03.779 --> 00:18:06.960
Go for it. No, that's cool. There were a few

00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:09.740
golden ticket bags as well. They contained a

00:18:09.740 --> 00:18:12.259
Ninja Slushie machine, which is kick -ass. Take

00:18:12.259 --> 00:18:15.400
a look at it. The Ninja Slushie machine. Okay.

00:18:16.039 --> 00:18:19.880
Beats headphones and a $100 Target gift card

00:18:19.880 --> 00:18:23.759
and a free year of Target 360, whatever that

00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:29.809
is. And then finally, they had Lathan. Hair dryers?

00:18:30.069 --> 00:18:35.170
Or, get this, Dyson hair tools. Okay, I said

00:18:35.170 --> 00:18:38.990
Dyson, right? The vacuum people, right? Dyson

00:18:38.990 --> 00:18:42.349
hair tools. Rob, would you trust a vacuum people,

00:18:42.509 --> 00:18:45.390
Dyson, for your hair equipment? I'm not saying

00:18:45.390 --> 00:18:47.210
anything about Dyson, but you're talking about

00:18:47.210 --> 00:18:51.630
a vacuum company making hair equipment. Listen,

00:18:51.869 --> 00:18:56.009
I... Yeah, I've bought many fine things from

00:18:56.009 --> 00:18:58.940
Dyson. Don't have a problem with them. But, Going

00:18:58.940 --> 00:19:04.680
to a hair, some sort of a hair tool. Yeah, yeah,

00:19:04.680 --> 00:19:09.500
exactly. I don't need to get ripped out. You

00:19:09.500 --> 00:19:12.740
know, I could be wrong, but man, it really sounds

00:19:12.740 --> 00:19:15.859
suspect to me. A vacuum maker that started making

00:19:15.859 --> 00:19:19.880
hair tools. Oh, yeah. My whole family gives me

00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:22.759
shit about my bald spots. Oh, do you have one?

00:19:22.779 --> 00:19:25.759
I don't have one. I am extremely lucky. I've

00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:28.910
got a thick, full head of hair. And it's not

00:19:28.910 --> 00:19:31.049
really thinning out. So I thank God for that.

00:19:31.309 --> 00:19:35.029
Well, what was the difference? The difference?

00:19:35.190 --> 00:19:38.029
I wore a hat. You did not. Oh, that's right.

00:19:38.430 --> 00:19:40.869
I've never liked hats. So I guess I'm lucky on

00:19:40.869 --> 00:19:45.309
that. I always did. I can't stand something on

00:19:45.309 --> 00:19:50.069
my head. I just, I've never liked it. So, I don't

00:19:50.069 --> 00:19:52.029
know. Well, I mean, you know, I just never could

00:19:52.029 --> 00:19:55.029
get used to it. I used to try to wear a ball

00:19:55.029 --> 00:20:00.339
cap. Eh, I guess. So I use sunglasses, but I

00:20:00.339 --> 00:20:03.140
could see that. Yeah, I could see that too, but

00:20:03.140 --> 00:20:06.400
I just... I don't even like headbands on my head.

00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:10.700
I just don't like it. So, yeah, whatever it is,

00:20:10.839 --> 00:20:14.619
that's just the way it is. So, okay, so back

00:20:14.619 --> 00:20:16.980
to Target. One person wrote on social media,

00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:19.279
you mean to tell me that Target couldn't afford

00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:22.380
a thick throw blanket, a gift card, a spa product,

00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:24.759
or maybe some fuzzy slippers and a swag bag?

00:20:25.680 --> 00:20:30.890
Another selfish ass... Well, Target didn't have

00:20:30.890 --> 00:20:33.269
to give anything out for free at all, is the

00:20:33.269 --> 00:20:35.829
way I'm looking at it. I think these people are

00:20:35.829 --> 00:20:38.390
a bunch of ingrates. I mean, really. You know,

00:20:38.430 --> 00:20:40.349
they already had Black Friday specials. They

00:20:40.349 --> 00:20:42.869
already had stuff that was cheaper. And they

00:20:42.869 --> 00:20:45.569
chose not to have the animals come crash the

00:20:45.569 --> 00:20:49.009
fucking building and about kill everybody. They

00:20:49.009 --> 00:20:54.670
decided to give out civilly grab bags. You come

00:20:54.670 --> 00:20:57.349
in, you're one of the first 50, you give them

00:20:57.349 --> 00:20:59.309
one, and you don't trample anyone to death trying

00:20:59.309 --> 00:21:02.230
to get a fucking luggage set that's on sale for

00:21:02.230 --> 00:21:09.130
30 bucks. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, and

00:21:09.130 --> 00:21:11.490
these people are bitching. I'm thinking you got

00:21:11.490 --> 00:21:14.390
some stuff for free. You probably got a $200

00:21:14.390 --> 00:21:19.490
swag bag with that kick -ass tote, that holographic

00:21:19.490 --> 00:21:23.690
iridescent. Yeah, to me, I think that's just

00:21:23.690 --> 00:21:26.470
stupid. Another selfish asshole wrote on X, a

00:21:26.470 --> 00:21:28.250
billion dollar company just showed the world

00:21:28.250 --> 00:21:30.750
what they really think of us. Just trash. The

00:21:30.750 --> 00:21:33.069
gift was EBT. Then give the fucking gift back,

00:21:33.170 --> 00:21:35.690
you selfish asshole. Go in there and go, you

00:21:35.690 --> 00:21:37.349
know what, I don't like this. No, they're not

00:21:37.349 --> 00:21:38.569
going to give it back. They're going to keep

00:21:38.569 --> 00:21:41.250
it and they're going to bitch. So, you know,

00:21:41.289 --> 00:22:08.940
in my opinion... Well, if you want to be honest,

00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:12.680
everybody's lucky we get black Friday deals.

00:22:15.160 --> 00:22:19.380
You know, I'm in the opinion of these customers

00:22:19.380 --> 00:22:21.960
are way too spoiled. You know, they were not

00:22:21.960 --> 00:22:25.019
promised anything in particular. The swag bag

00:22:25.019 --> 00:22:27.440
was a giveaway. I think if you wait in line for

00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:31.359
hours, that's on you, and scratch that as a lesson

00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:35.380
down, and that'll learn your file, right? Pretty

00:22:35.380 --> 00:22:37.859
much? Don't you put that in the ladder, that'll

00:22:37.859 --> 00:22:40.339
learn your file? So you don't wait for five hours

00:22:40.339 --> 00:22:46.269
expecting $1 ,000 worth of merchandise. You know,

00:22:46.289 --> 00:22:48.329
you wait in line for five hours in freezing cold,

00:22:48.410 --> 00:22:49.970
and that's what you get? Well, that's what you

00:22:49.970 --> 00:22:51.730
get, because nobody said what you were going

00:22:51.730 --> 00:22:56.309
to get. Yeah, kind of like we did it for concerts

00:22:56.309 --> 00:23:00.430
back in the day. Oh, shit. Oh, God, I never want

00:23:00.430 --> 00:23:02.930
to believe. I'll tell you what, though. Sometimes

00:23:02.930 --> 00:23:04.910
it was a great way to meet people, wasn't it?

00:23:04.930 --> 00:23:07.470
You'd be waiting in line. Oh, it was. It was.

00:23:07.549 --> 00:23:09.950
It was. Yeah, people behind you would be like

00:23:09.950 --> 00:23:13.349
going, yeah, I remember seeing Rush back in 1997.

00:23:15.130 --> 00:23:17.390
Oh, yeah, were you there at Kemper Arena? Yeah,

00:23:17.450 --> 00:23:19.750
I was third row. Oh, I was fourth row. Remember

00:23:19.750 --> 00:23:22.390
when Geddy Lee scratched his nuts? Oh, yeah,

00:23:22.470 --> 00:23:25.309
gosh. You know, it was a great way to meet cool

00:23:25.309 --> 00:23:28.289
people. I met a lot of cool people in line. That

00:23:28.289 --> 00:23:30.130
was back when we had to call our parents' phone

00:23:30.130 --> 00:23:32.509
on a landline. So, you know, a lot of times you

00:23:32.509 --> 00:23:34.309
didn't reconnect. Nowadays, it'd be like, oh,

00:23:34.309 --> 00:23:36.630
I got your cell number. Okay, I'll call you later

00:23:36.630 --> 00:23:38.670
this afternoon, man. Let's, you know, I don't

00:23:38.670 --> 00:23:41.269
know, go practice some guitar or something. It's

00:23:41.269 --> 00:23:43.759
completely different now. But back then. keeping

00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:45.640
in touch with somebody was much harder to do,

00:23:45.700 --> 00:23:51.359
wasn't it? Oh, definitely. That's why the payphones

00:23:51.359 --> 00:23:55.720
came in. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. They totally knew

00:23:55.720 --> 00:23:57.799
her story and listened to some of the old ones.

00:23:57.799 --> 00:23:59.940
We're not going to go into it. Every now and

00:23:59.940 --> 00:24:01.539
then I throw that one in there, the good old

00:24:01.539 --> 00:24:04.960
payphone story. Yes, yes. Oh, man. I'll tell

00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:07.799
you what. Dave would work them over with just

00:24:07.799 --> 00:24:11.779
sheer fucking brilliance. He had this one guy

00:24:11.779 --> 00:24:15.019
so mad. telling him his fucking cows got loose

00:24:15.019 --> 00:24:17.240
and fucking killed his sheep or some shit. No,

00:24:17.240 --> 00:24:22.799
no, yeah, was it a cow? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah,

00:24:22.839 --> 00:24:24.559
it was something like that. One of his livestock

00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:27.059
killed one of his livestock, supposedly, right?

00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:29.700
And he was bitching, I'm going to come over there,

00:24:29.740 --> 00:24:31.740
I'm going to grab that fucking dead sheep and

00:24:31.740 --> 00:24:33.579
I'm going to shove him up your ass. I'm going

00:24:33.579 --> 00:24:35.279
to do it in front of your family and I'm going

00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:36.960
to smack the stupid out of you and it's going

00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:38.259
to take all fucking day because you're pretty

00:24:38.259 --> 00:24:40.140
fucking stupid. This guy was getting so mad.

00:24:40.460 --> 00:24:42.980
I don't have no fucking sheep, you bastard. I

00:24:42.980 --> 00:24:45.039
don't have no fucking farm. And Dave's over there

00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:47.480
going, I don't have no farm. I don't have no

00:24:47.480 --> 00:24:53.480
farm. Oh, my God. And then the White House behind

00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:57.740
Quick Trip. I had that guy so mad. Oh, my God.

00:24:57.740 --> 00:25:00.140
Everybody wanted to know where I was when I started

00:25:00.140 --> 00:25:02.160
fucking giving them shit over the pay phone.

00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:05.759
They're like, where are you at? Well, I saw that

00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:07.240
White House. I'm like, I guess I'm going to be

00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:19.250
there. that's that white house yes that guy probably

00:25:19.250 --> 00:25:22.910
got into a couple of fights because of me you

00:25:22.910 --> 00:25:27.670
know good thing the internet wasn't around i

00:25:27.670 --> 00:25:29.289
didn't want to know if i had somebody killed

00:25:29.289 --> 00:25:31.630
accidentally i'm glad the internet wasn't around

00:25:31.630 --> 00:25:34.609
back then you know you had to go get one of those

00:25:37.200 --> 00:25:40.480
No, me neither. I think whoever went there, somebody

00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:42.279
wasn't home. It was during the day. They were

00:25:42.279 --> 00:25:44.420
probably at work, like most sensible people.

00:25:45.700 --> 00:25:48.940
Yeah, so, anyhow. Until that one time Danielle

00:25:48.940 --> 00:25:52.039
caught me, and then I stopped altogether. I remember

00:25:52.039 --> 00:25:54.259
we got bored with it because, you know, people

00:25:54.259 --> 00:25:55.900
just got to where they just start going, ah,

00:25:55.960 --> 00:25:58.460
fuck off, and hanging up instead of arguing with

00:25:58.460 --> 00:26:00.940
us. I mean, I don't know if the word got out,

00:26:00.980 --> 00:26:02.460
like they're going, hey, watch that phone right

00:26:02.460 --> 00:26:04.759
there. If someone calls, just hang up on them.

00:26:04.910 --> 00:26:06.529
Yeah, I don't know if the word got out or what,

00:26:06.609 --> 00:26:08.869
but they just started hanging up on us and just

00:26:08.869 --> 00:26:11.049
saying, fuck off, right? So it wasn't any fun

00:26:11.049 --> 00:26:13.529
anymore. A couple months later, I go back to

00:26:13.529 --> 00:26:18.569
it. Oh, a couple months, I go back to it, and

00:26:18.569 --> 00:26:21.109
Chick answers the phone. I'm starting to get

00:26:21.109 --> 00:26:23.410
stupid on her, going, hey, hey, what are you

00:26:23.410 --> 00:26:25.049
wearing? Or something like that, trying to be

00:26:25.049 --> 00:26:28.170
an asshole, right? She goes, Mark, Mark Wallace.

00:26:28.369 --> 00:26:33.599
I'm like, what? What? Who's this, Danielle? Oh,

00:26:33.619 --> 00:26:35.539
fuck. Did you know you're calling a payphone?

00:26:35.619 --> 00:26:41.500
Long story. Okay, is that the same Danielle that

00:26:41.500 --> 00:26:47.500
does my ex? Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Yep. Yeah, yeah,

00:26:47.539 --> 00:26:51.279
yeah. That's sad. That's sad. Yeah, hang on.

00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:53.140
Let me pause this because I want to make sure

00:26:53.140 --> 00:26:56.099
I'm correct on this. Okay, hang on. Okay, hey,

00:26:56.319 --> 00:27:00.019
while we were discussing stuff behind the scenes.

00:27:00.970 --> 00:27:03.890
Rob's got a story for you, which I think is fucking

00:27:03.890 --> 00:28:23.049
very intriguing. So please go ahead, Rob. I would

00:28:23.049 --> 00:28:26.549
not know what is going on in my son's life if

00:28:26.549 --> 00:28:31.910
it wasn't for her. So, I mean, you know, bygones

00:28:31.910 --> 00:28:38.609
are bygones. You know what I mean? And you know

00:28:38.609 --> 00:28:44.230
exactly who I'm talking about, so you know. Hang

00:28:44.230 --> 00:28:54.369
on one second. I'm going to pause this. Okay,

00:28:54.369 --> 00:28:56.789
I'm going to pause this for one second again

00:28:56.789 --> 00:28:58.890
because I don't want to mention any names on

00:28:58.890 --> 00:29:01.730
here. All right, now that we're done with all

00:29:01.730 --> 00:29:07.029
this other stuff, you know what? We're playing

00:29:07.029 --> 00:29:11.109
Connect the Dots, and we're as surprised as anybody

00:29:11.109 --> 00:29:14.170
with the dots that connected just now. So anyhow,

00:29:14.410 --> 00:29:26.460
hey, Rob, you got something you want to? All

00:29:26.460 --> 00:29:29.319
right, Rob, I turned it. Well, the only sad thing

00:29:29.319 --> 00:29:31.779
is nobody else knows what we're talking about.

00:29:32.200 --> 00:29:35.700
Well, you know. Unless you were there. Yeah.

00:29:35.700 --> 00:29:38.440
Unless you were there. I'm not speaking of her

00:29:38.440 --> 00:29:43.660
name for a reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

00:29:43.720 --> 00:29:47.160
I don't want anything to do with her ever again.

00:29:48.099 --> 00:29:53.920
She's insane. I do. But she was friends. She

00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:56.960
was good friends with your ex, and I just now

00:29:56.960 --> 00:30:01.099
remembered. But, yeah, yeah, but she was insane.

00:30:01.799 --> 00:30:04.740
So, anyhow. All right, Rob, we turn it to you.

00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:09.460
Okay, well, I'm going to go into a Rob story.

00:30:09.940 --> 00:30:42.180
How's that? Sure. Oh, shit. Did he mention who

00:30:42.180 --> 00:30:51.980
the opening band is going to be? Did he mention

00:30:51.980 --> 00:30:58.099
who the opening band is? Okay, well, I'm not

00:30:58.099 --> 00:31:00.960
going into the whole story then. Sorry, Topher.

00:31:45.359 --> 00:32:39.569
Yeah. I guess that's how you say it. Close enough.

00:32:40.390 --> 00:32:44.829
Okay. Fans will get a chance to see it perform

00:32:44.829 --> 00:32:49.670
through June 6th with their final stop in Boston.

00:32:51.789 --> 00:32:57.049
Tickets are going on presale on December 10th.

00:33:16.890 --> 00:33:22.269
More calls the decision for a reunion serendipity

00:33:22.269 --> 00:33:27.049
and a result of the changes currently happening

00:33:27.049 --> 00:33:30.630
in the world. They felt it was time to listen

00:33:30.630 --> 00:33:34.450
to their fans who want to hear their songs again.

00:33:51.309 --> 00:33:56.650
I'm going to go out there, and we're going to

00:33:56.650 --> 00:34:00.869
light it up absolutely the best way we know how.

00:34:01.650 --> 00:34:04.250
If they're worried about their performance, I'd

00:34:04.250 --> 00:34:06.930
turn them to Motley Crue and watch one of their

00:34:06.930 --> 00:34:10.610
performances any time in the last 10 years, and

00:34:10.610 --> 00:34:12.489
they'll be fine with what they do because it's

00:34:12.489 --> 00:34:14.610
going to be 10 times better performing -wise.

00:34:14.929 --> 00:34:26.039
Wouldn't you say? Okay, here we go. Drum roll.

00:34:29.239 --> 00:34:33.380
For the reading tour, Evan Moore Levine will

00:34:33.380 --> 00:34:38.940
be joined by Bill X, along with bassist, vocalist

00:34:38.940 --> 00:34:46.800
Todd Curbs, and drummer Brent Fitz. Wow. No,

00:34:47.659 --> 00:35:01.039
get ready. No, no, no, go ahead. Okay. The tour

00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:08.420
will also include special guest April Wine. Oh,

00:35:08.420 --> 00:35:14.219
oh, oh, oh. That, I've got to see their tour

00:35:14.219 --> 00:35:16.400
now and where they're playing. I've got to catch

00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:20.880
up with this. Swipe and April Wine. Oh, my God.

00:35:20.900 --> 00:35:24.780
So not only the three original members, the three.

00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:28.460
We do. You mentioned the three original members,

00:35:28.739 --> 00:35:30.960
which I was great with, and I was like, I was

00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:33.519
going to go see them on that merit about what

00:35:33.519 --> 00:35:38.219
you just said, you know. But now that April Wine,

00:35:38.440 --> 00:35:42.880
that just, that sends it over the top. Because

00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:47.480
you and I were huge April Wine fans. Oh, my God.

00:35:47.579 --> 00:35:50.880
We got to find a close exchange. Oh, we do. And

00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:58.460
not... Boston's a fun city. I've been there a

00:35:58.460 --> 00:36:01.159
few times, but I don't wish to fly there to go

00:36:01.159 --> 00:36:03.539
see it. Okay, the dates, they start in Ontario

00:36:03.539 --> 00:36:08.440
and end up in Boston. Okay, we'll have to check

00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:11.300
out tour dates. I'll check them out. I wish they'd

00:36:11.300 --> 00:36:14.199
come to Thunder Ridge. Oh, gosh, would that not

00:36:14.199 --> 00:36:22.760
be cooler than fuck? Oh, dude. Oh, dude. I'll

00:36:22.760 --> 00:36:30.219
buy the tickets. right you're right yep yep i

00:36:30.219 --> 00:36:38.079
agree um um i i think we should go all right

00:36:38.079 --> 00:36:40.739
we'll have to look them up so yeah for us old

00:36:40.739 --> 00:36:47.400
people um yeah so all right uh let's take our

00:36:47.400 --> 00:36:49.260
first break i'm gonna come back with some emails

00:36:49.260 --> 00:36:52.099
we got a we got a couple interesting ones Because

00:36:52.099 --> 00:36:53.880
a couple of different people emailed because

00:36:53.880 --> 00:36:57.460
this is twodouchesatmail .com, twodouchesatmail

00:36:57.460 --> 00:37:00.880
.com. Yes. Write it down. Fucking stick it on

00:37:00.880 --> 00:37:03.659
sticky notes. Punch someone in the face and keep

00:37:03.659 --> 00:37:05.739
hitting them and make sure that they recite it.

00:37:05.780 --> 00:37:07.260
And then when they recite it, you don't hit them

00:37:07.260 --> 00:37:08.820
anymore. You give them a lollipop or something,

00:37:08.920 --> 00:37:12.900
right? Yep. Not really. And I'll remind everybody

00:37:12.900 --> 00:37:16.119
on Facebook, which I haven't looked, but we have

00:37:16.119 --> 00:37:22.449
a new follower on Facebook. Oh, we do? Could

00:37:22.449 --> 00:37:25.969
it be Missy? I don't know. I have not looked.

00:37:26.550 --> 00:37:31.369
Okay. Anyhow, that's all right. All right. It's

00:37:31.369 --> 00:37:33.449
just that email that she sent I think is funny.

00:37:33.670 --> 00:37:35.730
All right. We're going to take our first email.

00:37:36.550 --> 00:37:38.409
We're going to take our first break. We're going

00:37:38.409 --> 00:37:42.570
to come back with emails and Rob's Bag of Garbage.

00:37:44.190 --> 00:37:47.469
Yeah. The best segment in the history of podcasting

00:37:47.469 --> 00:37:52.320
and modern radio and also ancient radio. Right?

00:37:53.260 --> 00:37:56.320
Eh, we'll see. Okay. All right. We'll be right

00:37:56.320 --> 00:38:10.079
back. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Hmm.

00:38:11.019 --> 00:38:18.519
A padlock is turning a door into a wall. Yeah.

00:38:24.360 --> 00:38:26.820
Two douchebags, a microphone, and an effort to

00:38:26.820 --> 00:38:32.019
keep everything fresh. We offer you first world

00:38:32.019 --> 00:38:36.159
problems. My new crime series TV show is going

00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:39.460
off for at least three months. I can't believe

00:38:39.460 --> 00:38:41.739
this. What am I going to do to fill in the time?

00:38:42.119 --> 00:38:49.059
Don't these guys think of this? Jam X. What the

00:38:49.059 --> 00:38:53.340
hell happened? You were the generation of...

00:38:53.340 --> 00:38:59.340
change. You never wanted to be one of them. Apathy

00:38:59.340 --> 00:39:04.920
spoke for you. Fuck the man. Fuck the system.

00:39:05.900 --> 00:39:10.079
What the hell happened? The generation of angst?

00:39:10.340 --> 00:39:14.699
The generation of non -compliance? Is now buying

00:39:14.699 --> 00:39:17.900
a boat? You're really fed up to kill someone

00:39:17.900 --> 00:39:21.769
who dangled a dollar near you? Great job, Xers.

00:39:22.409 --> 00:39:27.889
Everything's ruined. Next up, Things Overheard

00:39:27.889 --> 00:39:31.429
in Hell. It moves, everybody. Candy corn has

00:39:31.429 --> 00:39:34.329
had a bumper crop. Everybody can have as much

00:39:34.329 --> 00:39:39.730
as they want. Yay! Oh, man, what the fuck is

00:39:39.730 --> 00:39:43.989
this? Is this a new feature? What's inside Mark's

00:39:43.989 --> 00:39:49.510
head? Sounds stupid to me. Why do people say

00:39:49.510 --> 00:39:53.510
tuna fish sandwich when nobody says chicken bird

00:39:53.510 --> 00:39:57.969
sandwich? Somewhere in the heavens, your great

00:39:57.969 --> 00:40:00.869
Grammy Gertrude is crying because her little

00:40:00.869 --> 00:40:05.809
Bebo is listening to this film. Next time you

00:40:05.809 --> 00:40:08.389
take a dump, listen to two douchebags and a microphone.

00:40:08.869 --> 00:40:11.550
It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax

00:40:11.550 --> 00:40:17.679
your anal canal. Get in cover. Arambe. used to

00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:19.780
listen to our original show, Two Dipshits and

00:40:19.780 --> 00:40:22.940
Cheek Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder. Harambe

00:40:22.940 --> 00:40:25.860
does not listen to our original show, Two Dipshits

00:40:25.860 --> 00:40:28.340
and a Cheek Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder

00:40:28.340 --> 00:40:31.940
anymore. You might ask why Harambe never listens

00:40:31.940 --> 00:40:34.139
to our original show, Two Dipshits and a Cheek

00:40:34.139 --> 00:40:37.480
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder. Well, it's

00:40:37.480 --> 00:40:40.099
because Harambe is dead. Senselessly murdered

00:40:40.099 --> 00:40:42.659
because some idiot did not watch her child properly

00:40:42.659 --> 00:40:45.480
while looking on her phone. Sadly, Arambe does

00:40:45.480 --> 00:40:47.639
not listen to our original show, Two Gibshits

00:40:47.639 --> 00:40:49.820
and the Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Take Recorder,

00:40:49.900 --> 00:40:54.699
or any other show. Anymore. Sorry, Arambe. People

00:40:54.699 --> 00:40:57.320
often ask, how do we cram so much money into

00:40:57.320 --> 00:41:00.800
one little show? Well, it's simple. We buy funny

00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:04.480
in bulk on the internet. Hey, Mark, you're wanted

00:41:04.480 --> 00:41:06.739
at the front door. There's a big bag of funny

00:41:06.739 --> 00:41:10.099
they need you to sign for. Okay, thanks a lot.

00:41:10.199 --> 00:41:11.980
I'll be right there. I'm still sorting out the

00:41:11.980 --> 00:41:14.670
funny we got from yesterday. There's your answer.

00:41:14.710 --> 00:41:19.329
We buy funny in bulk on the Internet. Hey, if

00:41:19.329 --> 00:41:21.329
you're a fan of paying way too much for trinkets

00:41:21.329 --> 00:41:24.329
and food, well, your wish is coming true. Kansas

00:41:24.329 --> 00:41:26.550
City International Airport Guest Pass program

00:41:26.550 --> 00:41:30.090
is starting today. Yes, you too could overspend

00:41:30.090 --> 00:41:32.989
on workless trinkets and $15 cups of coffee.

00:41:33.170 --> 00:41:35.929
You want to buy a $50 cheap T -shirt that has

00:41:35.929 --> 00:41:38.989
KC Western Auto Building image on it? We got

00:41:38.989 --> 00:41:41.539
you covered. Want a barbecue sauce gift pack?

00:41:41.699 --> 00:41:44.320
No problem. Just a mere 40 bucks and you're first

00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:47.500
born. Hurry. You know rubes are jumping all over

00:41:47.500 --> 00:41:51.039
to get to this complete ripoff. Because people

00:41:51.039 --> 00:41:54.739
are sheep. I have a pet termite I call Clint.

00:41:55.159 --> 00:41:58.559
Wow, no shit. How strange. Yeah, I call it Clint

00:41:58.559 --> 00:42:01.900
Eats Wood. Hey, my fellow heavy breeders. This

00:42:01.900 --> 00:42:07.960
is Dash Riptide. Your music news. Megadeth has

00:42:07.960 --> 00:42:11.900
announced a final album and a 2026 global farewell

00:42:11.900 --> 00:42:15.139
tour. To conclude their career after 40 years,

00:42:15.320 --> 00:42:18.039
the first wave of tour dates for a Latin American

00:42:18.039 --> 00:42:22.099
leg in April and May 2026, with more dates to

00:42:22.099 --> 00:42:25.199
be announced for the worldwide tour. While the

00:42:25.199 --> 00:42:27.400
full tour schedule has been released, tickets

00:42:27.400 --> 00:42:29.840
for the initial dates are available, and there

00:42:29.840 --> 00:42:32.480
is also an announced performance with Iron Maiden

00:42:32.480 --> 00:42:35.239
Concert in Harrison, New Jersey. in September

00:42:35.239 --> 00:42:39.820
2026. This is Gash Riptine, and that was your

00:42:39.820 --> 00:42:42.980
music news. If it's too loud, you probably have

00:42:42.980 --> 00:42:52.800
ear damage, just like me. Hey there, fuckstick.

00:42:53.280 --> 00:42:55.619
You're just in time for brand new feature news

00:42:55.619 --> 00:42:58.820
nobody gives a shit about. There's a small island

00:42:58.820 --> 00:43:01.940
in the South Pacific where people actually talk

00:43:01.940 --> 00:43:19.179
with eye movements. This is Two Douchebags and

00:43:19.179 --> 00:43:22.699
a Microphone Podcast. I am Mark here at the Talk

00:43:22.699 --> 00:43:25.880
is Cheap studio in the Kansas City area, the

00:43:25.880 --> 00:43:36.500
extreme southern tip of... Go ahead. Oh, my God.

00:43:36.659 --> 00:43:42.019
Dude, that's worse. And I am Rob from Wheatland,

00:43:42.099 --> 00:43:45.800
Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Hall

00:43:45.800 --> 00:43:52.280
Speedway and Boat Track and home of the beautiful

00:43:52.280 --> 00:43:57.960
Wheatland RV Park and the Doug Blind Studio.

00:43:58.500 --> 00:44:05.039
Wham, wham. Nice. Every time it changes just

00:44:05.039 --> 00:44:08.539
a little. Every time it changes just a little,

00:44:08.559 --> 00:44:10.260
and I love it. I don't know what kind of spice

00:44:10.260 --> 00:44:16.139
you're going to throw on it. It's great. It's

00:44:16.139 --> 00:44:19.679
good. It's good. All right. First one. Mark is

00:44:19.679 --> 00:44:21.539
a boring idiot that thinks he's entertaining.

00:44:21.800 --> 00:44:24.460
Please get run over, dickhead. John in Bellevue.

00:44:25.400 --> 00:44:30.500
John, I mean. Like I said, hate emails goes to

00:44:30.500 --> 00:44:33.599
the front. Okay. But here's my response to John.

00:44:34.199 --> 00:44:38.360
This letter that you sent me was so eloquent

00:44:38.360 --> 00:44:44.340
and so massively descriptive and to the point

00:44:44.340 --> 00:44:46.920
and precise, I don't know how to answer it at

00:44:46.920 --> 00:44:49.920
all. I mean, it's just baffling. John in Bellevue

00:44:49.920 --> 00:44:54.039
is obviously, obviously a genius, and I can't

00:44:54.039 --> 00:44:56.460
compete with that. So, John, I guess I'm just

00:44:56.460 --> 00:44:59.110
going to go get run over. I mean, yeah. I mean,

00:44:59.130 --> 00:45:01.670
you leave me no alternative. I'm sitting here

00:45:01.670 --> 00:45:06.269
in shame over that email. I don't know what to

00:45:06.269 --> 00:45:11.769
do. Rob, what do I do? I don't know. I can't

00:45:11.769 --> 00:45:15.110
run. I can't hide. It's already been said. Wipe

00:45:15.110 --> 00:45:17.170
your tears. You know what? That's what I'm going

00:45:17.170 --> 00:45:18.969
to do. I'm just going to keep going, and I'm

00:45:18.969 --> 00:45:21.489
going to ignore John and Bellevue. And please,

00:45:21.690 --> 00:45:25.449
John, if nothing else, listen for a minute before

00:45:25.449 --> 00:45:29.210
you hang up. Okay? That way we get your credit

00:45:29.210 --> 00:45:31.670
on your stupid ass. That's all I care about.

00:45:31.769 --> 00:45:35.170
Not you, not your family, not your mom, not your

00:45:35.170 --> 00:45:37.309
dog, nothing. The only thing I care about is

00:45:37.309 --> 00:45:40.190
you listening to us for a minute. Other than

00:45:40.190 --> 00:45:44.190
that, you can go fuck yourself. Alrighty. Next

00:45:44.190 --> 00:45:46.730
one. Rob, what kind of iced tea do you drink?

00:45:46.989 --> 00:46:03.340
Tessa in Jersey City. Mm -hmm. And boil them

00:46:03.340 --> 00:46:07.820
and add bone sugar. Rob stirs the tea with his...

00:46:39.920 --> 00:46:43.260
A lot of people like it. It's very popular. Yeah.

00:46:44.599 --> 00:46:51.820
I prefer my own. But when I boil my own, it's

00:46:51.820 --> 00:46:56.099
the black tea. Not the orange Keogh or whatever.

00:46:56.440 --> 00:47:09.679
Orange Pico. Yeah, whatever. I got you. I would

00:47:09.679 --> 00:47:12.099
like to clarify that Rob stirs the tea with his

00:47:12.099 --> 00:47:16.219
penis. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It gives it

00:47:16.219 --> 00:47:20.059
a special flavor, and he's long enough to where

00:47:20.059 --> 00:47:22.199
he can reach the bottom and get the sugar, right,

00:47:22.300 --> 00:47:26.880
and stir that. Yep. Yeah, so there you go. All

00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:30.679
right. This one's weird, this email. I don't

00:47:30.679 --> 00:47:32.280
know why they want to know this information,

00:47:32.300 --> 00:47:38.650
but hey. Were you two Limp Bizkit fans ever?

00:47:39.070 --> 00:47:44.909
Josh in Chicago. I have to admit, at first, I

00:47:44.909 --> 00:47:47.750
liked them, but their music is very dated. It

00:47:47.750 --> 00:47:50.550
didn't hold up very well. And Fred Durst, the

00:47:50.550 --> 00:47:52.929
more he got popular, the more of a dickhead he

00:47:52.929 --> 00:47:57.550
became. Exactly, yeah. Fred Durst ruined himself.

00:48:02.710 --> 00:48:05.730
Yeah, and the music is so outdated anyhow. I

00:48:05.730 --> 00:48:07.429
can't listen to it now. If I hear it come on

00:48:07.429 --> 00:48:09.690
the radio, I'm like gone. I'm like, nah, this

00:48:09.690 --> 00:48:14.909
ain't doing it. Interesting question though,

00:48:14.989 --> 00:48:20.070
Josh in Chicago. I don't know. Is he just trying

00:48:20.070 --> 00:48:23.389
to get a read on us or something maybe? Yeah,

00:48:23.389 --> 00:48:27.750
I just found it a really interesting question.

00:48:28.610 --> 00:48:31.730
And Limp Bizkit, where did that come from? Gosh.

00:48:32.460 --> 00:48:35.059
I love it. I love it. Thank you, Josh. Right

00:48:35.059 --> 00:48:37.800
again. This is a new guy, I'm pretty sure, and

00:48:37.800 --> 00:48:40.420
so is Tessa, because we're giving out the email.

00:48:41.519 --> 00:48:47.360
Well, Tulsa King started out the same way, just

00:48:47.360 --> 00:48:53.280
asking simple questions like that. Yeah. Tulsa

00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:56.619
King is going to get back with us. Oh, I know

00:48:56.619 --> 00:49:01.340
he will. Yeah. I know he will. I can tell this

00:49:01.340 --> 00:49:03.789
much. He's trying to get the hell out of Atlanta.

00:49:04.090 --> 00:49:06.389
He hates it. He's trying to get back to Tulsa.

00:49:07.389 --> 00:49:11.769
And nobody knows he listens to this at his work

00:49:11.769 --> 00:49:13.429
or nothing. He's already made it clear to me.

00:49:13.570 --> 00:49:15.989
I don't say his name, of course, and nobody knows

00:49:15.989 --> 00:49:22.829
who he is. But Ronnie in Tulsa has a prominent

00:49:22.829 --> 00:49:26.550
job in the energy field. And there's a lot of

00:49:26.550 --> 00:49:28.090
it going on in Tulsa. And he doesn't care if

00:49:28.090 --> 00:49:30.750
he goes to Oklahoma City, Tulsa, or even anywhere

00:49:30.750 --> 00:49:34.469
in that area. You know, he's fine with it. But

00:49:34.469 --> 00:49:36.170
he's just trying to get back there because he

00:49:36.170 --> 00:49:39.570
is a fish out of water in Atlanta. And he's trying

00:49:39.570 --> 00:49:41.889
to find these avenues to get another job like

00:49:41.889 --> 00:49:43.909
he does. The problem is the job that he does,

00:49:43.989 --> 00:49:48.329
it's very specified. But there's not that many

00:49:48.329 --> 00:49:50.610
of them. And they don't need that many of them.

00:49:51.449 --> 00:49:53.769
So he's trying to get back to Tulsa, Oklahoma

00:49:53.769 --> 00:49:57.010
City, somewhere in there. He doesn't care. But

00:49:57.010 --> 00:49:59.150
somewhere where he considers home, where he grew

00:49:59.150 --> 00:50:03.769
up and all that. Ronnie will be back, but he's

00:50:03.769 --> 00:50:07.789
got stuff going on. So, all right. All right.

00:50:08.570 --> 00:50:11.369
Rob, what do you do when your belt sander keeps

00:50:11.369 --> 00:50:13.730
slipping and scars the wood? Chip in Dallas.

00:50:13.889 --> 00:50:20.769
I know, but he asked you. Go ahead. Change your

00:50:20.769 --> 00:50:24.389
sander. Or tighten it. Tighten it. Yeah, tighten

00:50:24.389 --> 00:50:27.750
it. Tighten it. Tighten it. Yeah. And as for

00:50:27.750 --> 00:50:30.590
the scar? It will come out. You've got to use

00:50:30.590 --> 00:50:35.710
a lower grit. And then you go back to a 220 or

00:50:35.710 --> 00:50:38.210
a 320. But you've got to start off with a 40,

00:50:38.289 --> 00:50:41.610
60, or 80, depending on how bad the scar is.

00:50:42.849 --> 00:50:45.849
You don't just sit there and dig in either. You

00:50:45.849 --> 00:50:47.550
dig in, you're going to ruin the flooring. I

00:50:47.550 --> 00:50:50.590
think you're talking about flooring. You don't

00:50:50.590 --> 00:50:55.940
dig into the flooring. You've got to glide. And

00:50:55.940 --> 00:50:57.960
that's just all there is to it. And I think,

00:50:57.960 --> 00:51:00.460
I mean, they could be talking about making a

00:51:00.460 --> 00:51:02.739
chair or something, but the way this is written,

00:51:02.840 --> 00:51:06.380
I think he's talking about flooring. So, okay,

00:51:06.440 --> 00:51:09.840
Chip, you got anything else? It doesn't matter.

00:51:10.039 --> 00:51:12.519
It works either way. Yeah, yeah, you got to be

00:51:12.519 --> 00:51:14.860
careful. You can't dig in, but to get out scars

00:51:14.860 --> 00:51:17.139
and wood, you have to have a heavier grit, and

00:51:17.139 --> 00:51:19.780
then you go to a lighter grit. What now? Yeah,

00:51:19.800 --> 00:51:23.260
and just kind of smooth it in. Just kind of work

00:51:23.260 --> 00:51:26.989
it in. And then you pick out a good stain. A

00:51:26.989 --> 00:51:31.650
good stain will hide a lot of flaws. Oh, yeah,

00:51:31.690 --> 00:51:34.090
definitely. Yeah, and make sure it's a sealer.

00:51:34.090 --> 00:51:35.989
It's got a sealer on it. It costs a little bit

00:51:35.989 --> 00:51:38.670
more, but once you put that stain with a sealer

00:51:38.670 --> 00:51:41.610
on it, your floor is beautiful. So there you

00:51:41.610 --> 00:51:46.590
go. If you're talking about floors. All right.

00:51:46.889 --> 00:51:49.869
Rob, I've come to the conclusion you are afraid

00:51:49.869 --> 00:51:52.889
to show up in Freeman. You got car parts for

00:51:52.889 --> 00:51:56.030
Montrose and Tightwad. You have never even stopped

00:51:56.030 --> 00:51:58.309
at Harold's for a sandwich and a Fanta orange.

00:51:58.909 --> 00:52:05.070
I love that little Fanta orange. I bought you

00:52:05.070 --> 00:52:08.210
one if you get there anytime soon. Just tell

00:52:08.210 --> 00:52:11.269
the person at the counter you are Rob from the

00:52:11.269 --> 00:52:13.730
podcast and they'll fix you right up. I didn't

00:52:13.730 --> 00:52:16.070
buy that asshole Mark anything. Mitch, the guy

00:52:16.070 --> 00:52:22.130
waiting on Rob. I didn't want anything from Mitch

00:52:22.130 --> 00:52:25.329
anyhow, so it's not a big deal. I buy my own

00:52:25.329 --> 00:52:28.969
stuff. I don't need some fucking dickhead in

00:52:28.969 --> 00:52:31.809
Freeman buying me anything. So, that's cool.

00:52:32.010 --> 00:52:35.469
So, Rob, what do you got to say to that? Okay.

00:52:36.349 --> 00:52:40.110
Here's what's going to happen. Okay. I'm going

00:52:40.110 --> 00:52:42.309
to show up there, and then I'm going to ask.

00:52:44.389 --> 00:52:57.840
I want Mitch to give you his number. Mitch, if

00:52:57.840 --> 00:52:59.780
you didn't do it, you better fucking do it now.

00:53:02.219 --> 00:53:06.260
And don't cheap out. Don't get the chipped beef.

00:53:06.280 --> 00:53:12.460
Get the fucking sliced beef. Mitch, you just

00:53:12.460 --> 00:53:15.639
started it. You just started it. You just stepped

00:53:15.639 --> 00:53:20.699
your foot in it, so you're in it now. And also...

00:53:31.339 --> 00:53:33.820
Mitch, you better be sending Rob your phone number.

00:53:33.940 --> 00:53:41.039
He'll gladly meet up with you. My food better

00:53:41.039 --> 00:53:44.059
be there. There you go. Mitch, you better not

00:53:44.059 --> 00:53:46.800
be lying. Because if I'm on the road, I'm going

00:53:46.800 --> 00:53:50.480
to be hungry. Yeah, and also, don't get him the

00:53:50.480 --> 00:53:53.260
chip beef. Get him the sliced beef. Don't cheap

00:53:53.260 --> 00:53:55.900
it out and get him the cheaper salmon. And on

00:53:55.900 --> 00:53:58.559
a long bun, not the round bun. On a long bun.

00:54:00.269 --> 00:54:03.230
Yeah, extra sauce too, and do you want fries

00:54:03.230 --> 00:54:06.949
or onion rings? Oh, onion rings, definitely.

00:54:07.150 --> 00:54:10.869
Okay, onion rings, coleslaw? Oh, definitely.

00:54:11.309 --> 00:54:15.929
Okay, and beans? You got me, dude. Mitch, there

00:54:15.929 --> 00:54:19.429
you go. That's Rob's order. You better go down

00:54:19.429 --> 00:54:22.590
there and clarify. No chip beef, sliced beef.

00:54:23.090 --> 00:54:28.909
Yeah, onion rings, slaw, and beans. Slaw, yep.

00:54:29.110 --> 00:54:31.800
Yeah. So, Rob's going to be expecting it. If

00:54:31.800 --> 00:54:33.400
it doesn't happen, you don't want to see Rob

00:54:33.400 --> 00:54:37.599
mad. You don't want to see Rob mad. It's ugly.

00:54:37.860 --> 00:54:41.840
He's like Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk.

00:54:42.320 --> 00:54:44.699
His shirt tears off. He turns kind of green.

00:54:44.739 --> 00:54:46.420
Not real green, but kind of green. Wouldn't you

00:54:46.420 --> 00:54:48.139
say kind of a gray -green instead of all the

00:54:48.139 --> 00:54:53.179
way green? Yeah. Actually, I'm Pisces. I turn

00:54:53.179 --> 00:54:56.300
blue. Oh, okay. He turns blue. He looks smurfish,

00:54:56.300 --> 00:54:59.420
but he's huge. And he'll grab you and crush you

00:54:59.420 --> 00:55:02.019
with his two fingers. So you don't want that

00:55:02.019 --> 00:55:07.199
to happen, Mitch. All right. And I can blow the

00:55:07.199 --> 00:55:11.820
Freeman down, so. There you go. He could go and

00:55:11.820 --> 00:55:14.460
punch a hole in it once he gets mad. Because

00:55:14.460 --> 00:55:16.539
you won't like him when he's angry. Don't make

00:55:16.539 --> 00:55:22.000
him angry. Google it. Google it. Exactly. All

00:55:22.000 --> 00:55:27.610
right. You got it. I got it. I don't know if

00:55:27.610 --> 00:55:34.210
anyone else got it. Thank you, Mitch. Mitch is

00:55:34.210 --> 00:55:36.469
really getting entertaining, isn't he? Even though

00:55:36.469 --> 00:55:41.170
he hates me. I have to say, I've always found

00:55:41.170 --> 00:55:44.289
Mitch entertaining. No, I have too, and he hasn't

00:55:44.289 --> 00:55:52.050
let up. I got on him about getting a little boring,

00:55:52.170 --> 00:55:54.739
right? And I think I told you about it. I sent

00:55:54.739 --> 00:55:56.840
him a message going back. Dude, come on. Raise

00:55:56.840 --> 00:55:58.719
the bar a little bit. You can't just sit there

00:55:58.719 --> 00:56:02.219
and just go, Rob's afraid to come. Or, oh, no,

00:56:02.239 --> 00:56:06.420
no, Lake Freeman, Lake House. If people actually

00:56:06.420 --> 00:56:11.820
beat me, I will beat you. Yeah. Honestly. I don't

00:56:11.820 --> 00:56:13.920
care who he is. I don't care if I know him or

00:56:13.920 --> 00:56:18.320
not. Mitch actually raised the bar. I don't know.

00:56:18.519 --> 00:56:27.550
I don't know either. It could be someone. I would

00:56:27.550 --> 00:56:30.510
love to meet Mitch. I really would. We spoke

00:56:30.510 --> 00:56:32.949
about Cass County and that whole area so much.

00:56:32.989 --> 00:56:34.929
It could be someone just screwing with us for

00:56:34.929 --> 00:56:37.690
all we know. But Mitch, whoever you are, you

00:56:37.690 --> 00:56:39.230
can hate me all you want. Just keep throwing

00:56:39.230 --> 00:56:42.030
in these emails. They're very entertaining. Yeah,

00:56:42.030 --> 00:56:44.989
but Mitch, if you want to meet me, let us know.

00:56:45.889 --> 00:56:48.630
And also, he'll worry the Lord. Mark will keep

00:56:48.630 --> 00:56:51.670
it private. Mark will keep it private. Yeah.

00:56:52.079 --> 00:56:54.079
Yeah, and I won't even show up if you really

00:56:54.079 --> 00:56:56.099
do hate me and it's not a gimmick. I won't even

00:56:56.099 --> 00:57:01.239
show up. So, all right. And Rob will wear his

00:57:01.239 --> 00:57:04.619
loincloth, of course, right? Oh, definitely.

00:57:05.039 --> 00:57:08.460
So there you go. Mitch, I would have to. Yeah,

00:57:08.480 --> 00:57:11.260
yeah. Mitch gets the loincloth. So, all right,

00:57:11.260 --> 00:57:15.139
Mitch. Thank you, even though you hate me. All

00:57:15.139 --> 00:57:19.530
right. Yes, thank you. Mark, is the new guy real?

00:57:19.650 --> 00:57:22.010
Just wondering. Do you tell him to be a dick?

00:57:22.510 --> 00:57:25.349
Missy in Atlanta. No, we don't tell him to be

00:57:25.349 --> 00:57:27.349
a dick. We're trying to settle him down a little

00:57:27.349 --> 00:57:29.969
bit, but he's so unpredictable. Yeah, he's been

00:57:29.969 --> 00:57:33.489
on suspension. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's still

00:57:33.489 --> 00:57:37.389
on suspension, really. Unless he breaks into

00:57:37.389 --> 00:57:41.230
the studio. Well, he might break into the studio

00:57:41.230 --> 00:57:43.869
and break off a promo or something. He's been...

00:57:44.159 --> 00:57:46.460
He's been really, really like threatening to

00:57:46.460 --> 00:57:48.679
do that. So if you get like an interruption with

00:57:48.679 --> 00:57:51.139
him saying something, I can't help it. He's on

00:57:51.139 --> 00:57:55.039
suspension. He's really disgruntled. Yeah. Yeah.

00:57:55.340 --> 00:57:57.559
And I don't know. I gave him pencil shavings.

00:57:57.579 --> 00:57:59.380
You gave him 50 bucks. I don't know what more

00:57:59.380 --> 00:58:02.440
he wants. I don't know. Yeah. I even offered

00:58:02.440 --> 00:58:05.519
him a hand job with someone else's hand. But,

00:58:05.519 --> 00:58:08.619
you know, whoever I could find. But I even offered

00:58:08.619 --> 00:58:10.380
him a hand job and that didn't make him happy.

00:58:11.019 --> 00:58:18.449
So. Oh, no. All right. You said nothing to that,

00:58:18.530 --> 00:58:25.210
Rob. But it was with somebody else's hand. It

00:58:25.210 --> 00:58:30.469
was with somebody else's hand, so it doesn't

00:58:30.469 --> 00:58:36.610
matter, right? As long as it wasn't mine. All

00:58:36.610 --> 00:58:44.489
right. I know you did. Then I'm like, shit, I'm

00:58:44.489 --> 00:58:48.030
getting no support from Rob at all. I know better,

00:58:48.309 --> 00:58:50.510
dude. There's nothing worse than radio silence

00:58:50.510 --> 00:58:53.130
when you do something like that for effect, and

00:58:53.130 --> 00:58:56.429
then the person just drops. Just nothing. It's

00:58:56.429 --> 00:59:00.789
like, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's like, it wasn't that

00:59:00.789 --> 00:59:03.769
out of line? I don't know. So, anyhow. Well,

00:59:08.909 --> 00:59:11.440
alright. right you got me i broke stride on that

00:59:11.440 --> 00:59:16.400
one so all right uh and then finally hey mark

00:59:16.400 --> 00:59:19.639
i definitely sympathize you uh sympathize with

00:59:19.639 --> 00:59:22.460
you on the scone fiasco i have remember that

00:59:22.460 --> 00:59:25.800
guy uh wrote last week saying that i was full

00:59:25.800 --> 00:59:28.659
of shit and i told him the facts i mean you talk

00:59:28.659 --> 00:59:30.579
to someone that doesn't know english that well

00:59:30.579 --> 00:59:33.719
it's hard to communicate done this my whole life

00:59:33.719 --> 00:59:38.110
you know I get tired. Even with my mom, she has

00:59:38.110 --> 00:59:41.469
certain things still to this day that I have

00:59:41.469 --> 00:59:45.510
problems explaining to her. It's just the language

00:59:45.510 --> 00:59:48.329
difference. Sometimes you're beat and you're

00:59:48.329 --> 00:59:51.110
not going to stay there for 10 minutes arguing

00:59:51.110 --> 00:59:55.849
with them about you're not Dino's son. It's just

00:59:55.849 --> 00:59:57.389
like, I'm going to take these fucking scones

00:59:57.389 --> 01:00:00.210
and serve for free and leave because they don't

01:00:00.210 --> 01:00:04.949
understand me. If anyone doesn't If anyone doesn't

01:00:04.949 --> 01:00:07.550
know Greek people and aren't close to them, they

01:00:07.550 --> 01:00:11.070
don't understand. You take their gift. They do

01:00:11.070 --> 01:00:13.230
not like it when you don't take their gift. It

01:00:13.230 --> 01:00:16.989
insults them, especially a gift to the family

01:00:16.989 --> 01:00:18.789
like these scones. They thought I was Dino's

01:00:18.789 --> 01:00:22.190
son. They were so happy to give them to me. And

01:00:22.190 --> 01:00:25.130
I'm like, you know, and I tried to let them know.

01:00:25.579 --> 01:00:28.699
So you had to have been there. Anyhow, Mark,

01:00:28.840 --> 01:00:30.860
I definitely sympathize with you on the scone

01:00:30.860 --> 01:00:33.639
fiasco. I have several people I have to deal

01:00:33.639 --> 01:00:36.739
with daily that know around half of the English

01:00:36.739 --> 01:00:39.800
language. I can testify it's not very easy. Mike

01:00:39.800 --> 01:00:42.320
in Maine. Yeah, everything that I just said,

01:00:42.420 --> 01:00:45.690
I mean. I've dealt with this my whole life. I

01:00:45.690 --> 01:00:48.369
have a lot of relatives that English is not even

01:00:48.369 --> 01:00:52.449
their second language, you know. So, I mean,

01:00:52.550 --> 01:00:55.269
unless you're really in those shoes and you're

01:00:55.269 --> 01:00:57.250
constantly explaining yourself, it's kind of

01:00:57.250 --> 01:01:00.230
hard to, you can't really get the point across

01:01:00.230 --> 01:01:04.230
unless you're in it. So, anyhow, Rob, let's turn

01:01:04.230 --> 01:01:09.829
this over to you. All right. Well, you know what

01:01:09.829 --> 01:01:17.320
time it is. Best segment ever. Time for Rob's

01:01:17.320 --> 01:01:59.980
Bag of Garbage! Yay! Go on, please. No, that

01:01:59.980 --> 01:02:04.119
was the end of that one. Oh my gosh. Okay, it

01:02:04.119 --> 01:02:06.800
doesn't explain how we accidentally mixed acid

01:02:06.800 --> 01:02:13.000
in with his drink. I don't know. How does that

01:02:13.000 --> 01:02:16.260
happen? I don't know. Oh well, anyhow, go ahead.

01:02:16.340 --> 01:03:07.389
I'm sorry. Okay Wow Wow Okay, here's to her I

01:03:07.389 --> 01:03:09.289
don't think doctors know what they're talking

01:03:09.289 --> 01:03:39.599
about. Probably. Go ahead, Rob. Well, that was

01:03:39.599 --> 01:03:42.480
it for tonight. All righty. Thank you for your

01:03:42.480 --> 01:03:45.159
bag of garbage. That was awesome. Two great stories.

01:03:45.260 --> 01:03:48.960
You brought it. Very much appreciate it. Let's

01:03:48.960 --> 01:03:50.960
take our second break. And I got a little Kansas

01:03:50.960 --> 01:03:57.739
City radio update, if you will. So we will be

01:03:57.739 --> 01:04:01.960
right back unless something catastrophic happens

01:04:01.960 --> 01:04:10.670
or the power goes out. I love that. You're just

01:04:10.670 --> 01:04:15.289
like, all right. All right. All right. We'll

01:04:15.289 --> 01:04:19.110
be right back. I'm sitting in a walk right now.

01:04:19.150 --> 01:04:22.869
So yeah, I'm in trouble. I'm going to be able

01:04:22.869 --> 01:04:27.989
to see myself downstairs. All right. We'll, we'll,

01:04:27.989 --> 01:04:33.050
we'll be right back. This is Joshua Belmont,

01:04:33.090 --> 01:04:36.289
your food for thought man on the hustle. Today,

01:04:36.409 --> 01:04:39.250
we need to focus on the genius Franklin Harris

01:04:39.250 --> 01:04:43.030
for inventing the jukebox override. Some dumbass

01:04:43.030 --> 01:04:45.730
puts down a hundred on the Melvins to last all

01:04:45.730 --> 01:04:49.329
night. No worry, thanks to Mr. Harris. Just put

01:04:49.329 --> 01:04:51.909
in a buck a song to override shitty music and

01:04:51.909 --> 01:04:55.690
you can be the hero. Mr. Harris, not many stop

01:04:55.690 --> 01:04:58.789
to admire your fine work, but we do here at Two

01:04:58.789 --> 01:05:01.690
Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank you, Mr. Harris,

01:05:01.750 --> 01:05:06.199
for being a patriotic, great human being. This

01:05:06.199 --> 01:05:08.719
here podcast has Mark's personal stamp of approval.

01:05:09.500 --> 01:05:11.960
The only problem is Mark likes to spit on his

01:05:11.960 --> 01:05:20.219
stamps, and he's a horrible enemy. Hey everybody,

01:05:20.500 --> 01:05:23.340
this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some

01:05:23.340 --> 01:05:28.739
tips for life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick

01:05:28.739 --> 01:05:33.780
pics. Rule number one, title of a pic is someone

01:05:33.780 --> 01:05:37.659
else's. So if you get busted, it's not yours.

01:05:38.599 --> 01:05:43.280
Rule number two, shoot angles complementary to

01:05:43.280 --> 01:05:49.699
your length and girth. Rule number four, no propping

01:05:49.699 --> 01:05:56.940
of the leg. Absolutely no undercarriage. Very

01:05:56.940 --> 01:06:06.760
important. I'm the guy that comes in after Christmas

01:06:06.760 --> 01:06:10.340
and douses all your dreams and hopes. Ho, ho,

01:06:10.340 --> 01:06:15.599
ho. Ho, ho, ho. Let's go to our mailbag and see

01:06:15.599 --> 01:06:20.159
what's next. Ah, looks like it's little Jeff

01:06:20.159 --> 01:06:26.139
from Mason City, Iowa. All I want is a saddle

01:06:26.139 --> 01:06:31.980
for my horse. Please and thank you. Well, little

01:06:31.980 --> 01:06:35.429
Jimmy, I don't have a saddle for you. But I have

01:06:35.429 --> 01:06:41.449
a poem. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I took

01:06:41.449 --> 01:06:47.670
your horse and had it made into glue. Since the

01:06:47.670 --> 01:06:50.110
dawn of time, weird shit has happened. Strange

01:06:50.110 --> 01:06:53.510
occurrences, unexplained phobias, and other odd

01:06:53.510 --> 01:06:55.929
happenings. Over the next minute, we would like

01:06:55.929 --> 01:06:58.630
to bring you odd, rare phobias and conditions.

01:06:59.789 --> 01:07:03.230
Hutchinson -Gilford Progeria Syndrome. Cases

01:07:03.230 --> 01:07:07.210
known on Earth, 100 to possibly 150. This causes

01:07:07.210 --> 01:07:09.670
young children to age quickly, such as hair loss,

01:07:09.849 --> 01:07:12.309
thin, fragile skin, and cardiovascular issues,

01:07:12.550 --> 01:07:15.130
while the child's mental capacity stays the same.

01:07:15.250 --> 01:07:18.150
There is unknown cure and very little treatment

01:07:18.150 --> 01:07:25.489
options. Strange, but true. In the 1920s, there

01:07:25.489 --> 01:07:27.889
was a health drink called Radithor that literally

01:07:27.889 --> 01:07:31.139
contained radium, and consequentially... slowly

01:07:31.139 --> 01:07:34.440
killed his customers. Evan Byers, a wealthy American

01:07:34.440 --> 01:07:37.300
socialite, died from Radithor radium poisoning

01:07:37.300 --> 01:07:41.579
in 1932. When his body was exhumed in 1965 for

01:07:41.579 --> 01:07:44.440
study, his remains were still highly radioactive.

01:07:44.880 --> 01:07:47.219
The only reason Radithor didn't cause a public

01:07:47.219 --> 01:07:49.920
health crisis at the time was because it could

01:07:49.920 --> 01:07:55.039
only be afforded by the rich. And now, Deep Thoughts

01:07:55.039 --> 01:08:02.829
with Mark. Let's see. If I identify as a dog

01:08:02.829 --> 01:08:04.889
and I start wandering around the block without

01:08:04.889 --> 01:08:07.449
a collar on, could animal control come by and

01:08:07.449 --> 01:08:17.449
pick me up? I may never know. You watched the

01:08:17.449 --> 01:08:21.350
news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?

01:08:21.909 --> 01:08:24.930
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

01:08:24.930 --> 01:08:29.460
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the

01:08:29.460 --> 01:08:35.279
post -apocalypse. Remember, post -apocalypse,

01:08:35.359 --> 01:08:39.359
to have a sewage bit. Sewage, untreated, can

01:08:39.359 --> 01:08:43.840
result in serious illness and other obstacles

01:08:43.840 --> 01:08:47.600
for your family to live well. You also should

01:08:47.600 --> 01:08:50.380
have some chemicals stocked up, maybe bags of

01:08:50.380 --> 01:08:54.439
chlorine or something of such, to sanitize the

01:08:54.439 --> 01:09:00.199
sewage per week. A long time ago, there was this

01:09:00.199 --> 01:09:03.159
party house, and this is when I worked at Justin

01:09:03.159 --> 01:09:06.180
Jones' steakhouse. Oh, yeah. Okay, and all of

01:09:06.180 --> 01:09:07.840
us partied at night, and the guy that worked

01:09:07.840 --> 01:09:12.000
there, he lived back behind Justin Jones. And

01:09:12.000 --> 01:09:17.180
anyhow, he was divorced, and anyhow, so he had

01:09:17.180 --> 01:09:20.220
kind of like a party house back there. So me

01:09:20.220 --> 01:09:22.439
and a buddy of mine were sitting back there one

01:09:22.439 --> 01:09:25.579
night, and we're bored as hell. So we're daring

01:09:25.579 --> 01:09:28.380
each other to do stupid shit. So I told him,

01:09:28.380 --> 01:09:30.140
I said, all right, I forgot what he dared me.

01:09:30.300 --> 01:09:32.239
He probably ran around the block making or something

01:09:32.239 --> 01:09:35.180
like that. Something stupid, you know, clucking

01:09:35.180 --> 01:09:38.960
like a chicken or like, I don't know, you know,

01:09:38.960 --> 01:09:41.260
just stuff that we could come up with that we

01:09:41.260 --> 01:09:43.680
could do. So I'm looking around. I look next

01:09:43.680 --> 01:09:47.949
door. I guess there's like some party or something

01:09:47.949 --> 01:09:50.489
going on, and neither one of us heard about it,

01:09:50.550 --> 01:09:52.550
so we're the only two tool bags sitting here

01:09:52.550 --> 01:09:54.670
at that party house. We're just sitting there

01:09:54.670 --> 01:09:57.250
going, fuck, man, this is boring as hell. So,

01:09:57.369 --> 01:09:59.270
you know, we're doing this stupid shit that we're

01:09:59.270 --> 01:10:03.210
daring each other to do. So I look out, and there's

01:10:03.210 --> 01:10:05.409
a house next to it with this little porch. I

01:10:05.409 --> 01:10:09.850
go, hey, go out there, take a dump on the porch,

01:10:10.109 --> 01:10:13.270
light it on fire, bang on the door, and then

01:10:13.270 --> 01:10:18.159
come back. Sure. No problem. So, hey, I'm sitting

01:10:18.159 --> 01:10:20.399
there and I see this silhouette of him in the

01:10:20.399 --> 01:10:24.800
moonlight. This shadowy figure fucking squatting.

01:10:25.979 --> 01:10:29.600
See these fucking couple of turds come out. And

01:10:29.600 --> 01:10:31.619
see him fucking throw up his shorts real quick.

01:10:31.699 --> 01:10:34.680
And all this is just a shadowy figure. Then I

01:10:34.680 --> 01:10:37.640
see him stooped over. It took him a long time

01:10:37.640 --> 01:10:39.539
to get this fucker lit. I see him over there

01:10:39.539 --> 01:10:42.939
laboring. And I'm like, oh, shit. So then he,

01:10:42.960 --> 01:10:44.739
like, throws some leaves or some shit on it,

01:10:44.760 --> 01:10:48.460
and finally I see this little flame. I see this,

01:10:48.560 --> 01:10:52.659
like, he kind of clenches up, like, yeah! And

01:10:52.659 --> 01:10:57.760
all of this is shadowing, right? So anyhow, I'm

01:10:57.760 --> 01:11:00.520
like, ah, good, good job, well done. So he comes

01:11:00.520 --> 01:11:03.800
back, he sits down, and we're sitting there waiting,

01:11:03.979 --> 01:11:07.199
waiting, waiting, nothing. We both end up passing

01:11:07.199 --> 01:11:09.939
out. So at 3 in the morning, I wake up, and I

01:11:09.939 --> 01:11:13.140
see, like, this glow. It was kind of an orange

01:11:13.140 --> 01:11:18.119
glow through the blinds. What the hell? And I

01:11:18.119 --> 01:11:20.520
hear a bunch of rustling and shit and people

01:11:20.520 --> 01:11:23.500
talking. All of a sudden it dawned on me. Oh,

01:11:23.500 --> 01:11:27.039
fuck. Oh, shit. He burnt down the house next

01:11:27.039 --> 01:11:31.220
door. Oh, my God. So, yeah. I get up. I go over

01:11:31.220 --> 01:11:34.260
there. And there's like four firefighters with

01:11:34.260 --> 01:11:36.500
this hose. And a guy's standing out there shaking

01:11:36.500 --> 01:11:40.199
his head. And they're all laughing. Because...

01:11:41.660 --> 01:11:44.619
Someone shit on their porch, lit it, and it caught

01:11:44.619 --> 01:11:49.539
their porch on fire. Because nobody fucking answered

01:11:49.539 --> 01:11:51.979
the door. They were probably sound asleep. Maybe

01:11:51.979 --> 01:11:56.859
they're on sleeping pills or something. I'm like,

01:11:56.960 --> 01:11:59.180
dude, dude, wake up. He's like, oh, fuck, man.

01:11:59.359 --> 01:12:03.920
I'm on probation. I'm going to go to jail. I'm

01:12:03.920 --> 01:12:05.899
like, dude, calm down. It didn't burn the house

01:12:05.899 --> 01:12:09.020
down, man. Nobody died or nothing. Listen, they're

01:12:09.020 --> 01:12:12.039
all out there laughing and stuff. And the homeowner's

01:12:12.039 --> 01:12:13.819
like shaking his head like, who the fuck did

01:12:13.819 --> 01:12:20.119
this? So anyhow. Have you ever wondered what

01:12:20.119 --> 01:12:22.319
something is or not? Have you ever looked at

01:12:22.319 --> 01:12:24.460
something and said, hey, I wonder what the origin

01:12:24.460 --> 01:12:28.180
of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give

01:12:28.180 --> 01:12:34.680
you The Origin Of. The origin of the goatee.

01:12:34.680 --> 01:12:36.859
The goatee is a beard style that dates back to

01:12:36.859 --> 01:12:39.659
ancient Greece and Rome and is named for its

01:12:39.659 --> 01:12:43.159
resemblance to a goat's beard. The goatee has

01:12:43.159 --> 01:12:45.260
been worn by many famous men throughout history,

01:12:45.380 --> 01:12:48.960
including Uncle Sam, Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock.

01:12:49.279 --> 01:12:51.840
The gobham was often depicted with a goatee,

01:12:51.840 --> 01:12:54.479
and in medieval and renaissance art, Satan was

01:12:54.479 --> 01:12:57.340
depicted with a goatee as well. The goatee became

01:12:57.340 --> 01:13:00.939
popular again in 1940s. as the defining trait

01:13:00.939 --> 01:13:04.159
of the beatniks and jazz musicians. It fell out

01:13:04.159 --> 01:13:07.000
of favor again in the 1960s, but became fashionable

01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:10.619
again in the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee

01:13:10.619 --> 01:13:13.800
originated in the late 20th century. It was originally

01:13:13.800 --> 01:13:17.279
called a goatee. Bags and microphone on Mark

01:13:17.279 --> 01:13:20.739
here in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap

01:13:20.739 --> 01:13:47.890
studio. Well, I promised this is kind of a Kansas

01:13:47.890 --> 01:13:53.050
City radio update kind of deal. Probably not

01:13:53.050 --> 01:13:55.090
like what most people think it's going to be.

01:13:55.170 --> 01:13:56.829
Most people are probably like, oh, Johnny Deere

01:13:56.829 --> 01:13:59.069
must have gotten hired or something like that.

01:13:59.210 --> 01:14:02.770
No, here's what it is. I wish he would, and I

01:14:02.770 --> 01:14:05.689
think he will, but not quite yet. I think we've

01:14:05.689 --> 01:14:08.510
got to get through the year first. All right.

01:14:08.550 --> 01:14:11.430
St. Louis and Kansas City legendary radio talent

01:14:11.430 --> 01:14:14.630
Randy Raley. has a new internet show called The

01:14:14.630 --> 01:14:20.069
KY Files. Oh, right. Yeah. You've probably seen

01:14:20.069 --> 01:14:22.789
it. I follow him on Facebook. Yeah, yeah. The

01:14:22.789 --> 01:14:25.229
show airs every Sunday and Tuesday night at 7

01:14:25.229 --> 01:14:28.449
p .m. Central. The show takes a look back at

01:14:28.449 --> 01:14:31.029
what KY and other legendary stations' playlists

01:14:31.029 --> 01:14:34.289
was from years ago. I think last night, well,

01:14:34.369 --> 01:14:36.689
when I wrote this out, it was last night, but

01:14:36.689 --> 01:14:38.909
Tuesday night. Wait a minute. Today's Wednesday.

01:14:39.029 --> 01:14:42.300
Yeah, it was. It was last night. I think... It

01:14:42.300 --> 01:14:46.420
covered December of 1977. The website for his

01:14:46.420 --> 01:14:48.979
internet radio station is stlouisclassicrock

01:14:48.979 --> 01:14:54.000
.com. I got involved in something else and I

01:14:54.000 --> 01:14:56.439
missed most of it, but I did see the remnants

01:14:56.439 --> 01:14:58.859
of what it said it was and all that. I need to

01:14:58.859 --> 01:15:03.960
look up the particulars on playing songs for

01:15:03.960 --> 01:15:06.460
a music show on the internet because I believe

01:15:06.460 --> 01:15:09.260
it has to be a streaming station. I believe the

01:15:09.260 --> 01:15:12.100
rules for playing music on a podcast is not cheap

01:15:12.100 --> 01:15:15.359
to do. You have to pay the royalties, and everybody

01:15:15.359 --> 01:15:18.739
knows that you don't make anything in podcasting.

01:15:18.880 --> 01:15:23.899
But I would love to do a music show with undiscovered

01:15:23.899 --> 01:15:26.819
music and little indie music and all different

01:15:26.819 --> 01:15:29.739
kinds of stuff that I know about that I feel

01:15:29.739 --> 01:15:32.520
the average person knows nothing about. And I

01:15:32.520 --> 01:15:34.300
would love to do that and give little insights

01:15:34.300 --> 01:15:37.100
and who had input and who worked on what album

01:15:37.100 --> 01:15:40.239
and all that stuff. But it's also, I want it

01:15:40.239 --> 01:15:42.560
to be a music, you know, I want to put music

01:15:42.560 --> 01:15:44.560
on it, but you can't really do that on a podcast.

01:15:45.060 --> 01:15:47.979
So it has to be a streaming station. The logistics

01:15:47.979 --> 01:15:50.800
of that is a lot of work. So I don't know. We'll

01:15:50.800 --> 01:15:53.640
see if it ever happens. But would you get involved

01:15:53.640 --> 01:15:56.199
in something like that, Rob? Be like a typical

01:15:56.199 --> 01:16:08.409
DJ and talk about the music you're playing? I'm

01:16:08.409 --> 01:16:10.729
checking into it, but I don't know. I think it's

01:16:10.729 --> 01:16:13.630
going to be too much work because I'm going to

01:16:13.630 --> 01:16:17.329
have to do everything myself. I can't just go

01:16:17.329 --> 01:16:20.890
out and pay someone to do it. So, anyhow, Rob,

01:16:20.970 --> 01:16:27.229
let's turn it over to you. All right. Country

01:16:27.229 --> 01:16:30.710
music star Zac Brown has become the focus of

01:16:30.710 --> 01:16:34.890
a growing social media dispute after audience

01:16:34.890 --> 01:17:10.000
members have been lost. Thank you. For some viewers,

01:17:10.279 --> 01:17:14.460
those landscapes appear more ominous than expected.

01:17:14.920 --> 01:17:19.239
The news comes after a separate incident which

01:17:19.239 --> 01:17:23.800
a family portrait exposed six secrets before

01:17:23.800 --> 01:17:32.939
a dad killed all seven massacres. What? Anyway,

01:17:33.739 --> 01:18:35.619
anyway, yeah. consistently denied that the imagery

01:18:35.619 --> 01:18:41.039
is symbolic of anything satanic or ritualistic.

01:18:41.359 --> 01:18:49.260
He was also wearing Illuminati symbols, too.

01:18:50.539 --> 01:18:55.300
Okay. Anyhow, go ahead, because Topher and I

01:18:55.300 --> 01:18:58.340
came up with the idea that he's doing it for

01:18:58.340 --> 01:19:01.859
controversy to get to be, his career has probably

01:19:01.859 --> 01:19:04.279
hit a little bit of a lull. people weren't that

01:19:04.279 --> 01:19:07.060
interested in him anymore. So he quite frankly

01:19:07.060 --> 01:19:09.479
did something, he's doing something outlandish

01:19:09.479 --> 01:19:12.479
in Las Vegas to get attention to himself. But

01:19:12.479 --> 01:19:17.859
go ahead, Rob. Well, this is a story I have read.

01:19:18.140 --> 01:19:24.399
Okay. Instead, he said the visual direction is

01:19:24.399 --> 01:19:28.180
rooted in his life story and the themes explored

01:19:28.180 --> 01:20:37.239
on his latest album. Okay. Wow. Okay, you know

01:20:37.239 --> 01:20:39.560
what? I like that article because that gives

01:20:39.560 --> 01:20:45.140
a different perspective. And I didn't know this,

01:20:45.140 --> 01:20:47.899
and I guess Topher didn't either, about how he

01:20:47.899 --> 01:20:51.119
had an explanation for it. We just thought he

01:20:51.119 --> 01:20:54.720
was doing controversy to resurrect his career.

01:20:55.520 --> 01:20:59.020
We were unaware of all that, so thank you. Anyhow,

01:20:59.020 --> 01:21:42.369
go ahead. And there's a lot of different viewers'

01:21:42.649 --> 01:21:49.869
comments. And, you know, he says it's about his

01:21:49.869 --> 01:21:55.449
life, but I do see a picture of it. You should

01:21:55.449 --> 01:22:12.140
see the picture of it. Okay. Okay. What do you

01:22:12.140 --> 01:22:17.859
think? What's your feelings on it? I really don't

01:22:17.859 --> 01:22:21.180
know. That's kind of my conclusion, too, after

01:22:21.180 --> 01:22:26.359
hearing that. This just jumped out, you know?

01:22:27.920 --> 01:22:32.199
Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Rob. That was something,

01:22:32.359 --> 01:22:34.840
the story that I didn't get and Topher didn't

01:22:34.840 --> 01:22:37.520
get either. We'll probably talk about that next

01:22:37.520 --> 01:22:41.699
week on the music creeps. Excellent. I'm going

01:22:41.699 --> 01:22:43.399
to do a little bit more research into it. Thank

01:22:43.399 --> 01:22:49.659
you, Rob. CNN reported on November 25th that

01:22:49.659 --> 01:22:53.500
an unnamed 57 -year -old man in Borgo, Vigalio,

01:22:53.680 --> 01:22:57.399
Italy, dressed up as his mother, Griselia Dall

01:22:57.399 --> 01:23:01.159
'Ogalio, and tried to, and that's probably not

01:23:01.159 --> 01:23:03.439
exactly how the name is pronounced, and I don't

01:23:03.439 --> 01:23:06.890
give a shit. and tried to renew her government

01:23:06.890 --> 01:23:09.850
ID card so that he could continue to collect

01:23:09.850 --> 01:23:12.750
her pension. He wore a wig, makeup, and her clothing,

01:23:12.850 --> 01:23:15.229
but authorities were tipped off by the hair on

01:23:15.229 --> 01:23:21.510
his neck and chin inconveniently. The person

01:23:21.510 --> 01:23:26.229
that he was acting as his mom passed away in

01:23:26.229 --> 01:23:30.340
2022 at the age of 82. Her son, an unemployed

01:23:30.340 --> 01:23:32.659
nurse, did not report her death to authorities.

01:23:32.760 --> 01:23:36.159
When they visited his home, they found his mother's

01:23:36.159 --> 01:23:39.220
mummified body in the laundry room closet wrapped

01:23:39.220 --> 01:23:42.359
in sleeping bags. An autopsy was ordered and

01:23:42.359 --> 01:23:49.279
the son was held in a local jail for fraud. Part

01:23:49.279 --> 01:23:54.239
of this article, it was a smaller article instead

01:23:54.239 --> 01:23:56.720
of the larger one that I read at first. He did

01:23:56.720 --> 01:24:00.409
not kill his mom. She apparently died of natural

01:24:00.409 --> 01:24:03.470
causes. Where he fucked up was he was trying

01:24:03.470 --> 01:24:07.250
to collect her checks after she died because

01:24:07.250 --> 01:24:10.289
he was unemployed, therefore defrauding the government,

01:24:10.470 --> 01:24:13.250
therefore going to jail. So he didn't go to jail

01:24:13.250 --> 01:24:16.510
for killing his mom. He went to jail for trying

01:24:16.510 --> 01:24:19.550
to get money from her after she was passed away

01:24:19.550 --> 01:24:22.369
from the government. It was fraud. So, all right,

01:24:22.369 --> 01:24:26.329
Rob, you got something or it's 9 -12? I'll leave

01:24:26.329 --> 01:24:37.779
it to you. I love it. Go ahead. It's about a

01:24:37.779 --> 01:24:43.800
cow. Okay. At first glance, it's what a man and

01:24:43.800 --> 01:24:48.039
a cow is just rocking some kind of quirky winter

01:24:48.039 --> 01:25:43.979
hat. Uh -huh. Okay, go ahead And what? He's healthy

01:25:43.979 --> 01:25:50.640
and adored. Okay. He clearly has no idea he's

01:25:50.640 --> 01:25:53.479
gone viral for looking like he's wearing the

01:25:53.479 --> 01:25:57.659
world's most best built -in accessory. Watching

01:25:57.659 --> 01:26:03.159
him nom -nom a banana with his hat on is not

01:26:03.159 --> 01:26:06.399
only hilarious, it's generally heartwarming.

01:26:06.920 --> 01:26:26.390
Cool. Very cool. That's all I've got about me.

01:26:26.409 --> 01:26:27.970
Oh, that's it? Okay. I thought there was going

01:26:27.970 --> 01:26:32.350
to be more. Very cool. Thank you, Rob. All right.

01:26:32.409 --> 01:26:37.890
Let's see. Let's see. I've got one more, and

01:26:37.890 --> 01:26:39.489
then we can go ahead and call it a night unless

01:26:39.489 --> 01:26:41.229
you've got something else. Is that cool? It's

01:26:41.229 --> 01:26:45.810
a small one. No, that sounds good. Okay. Around

01:26:45.810 --> 01:26:49.229
1 a .m. on November 19th, Hancock County, West

01:26:49.229 --> 01:26:51.909
Virginia, sheriff's officers responded to a call

01:26:51.909 --> 01:26:54.989
about a man suffering a gunshot wound while the

01:26:54.989 --> 01:27:00.329
rifle was being cleaned. WKRC -TV reported that

01:27:00.329 --> 01:27:02.189
when the officers arrived, two men at the home

01:27:02.189 --> 01:27:04.710
revealed the real story. They had been shooting

01:27:04.710 --> 01:27:08.890
out the second story window of his home at rats,

01:27:09.010 --> 01:27:11.670
they said, and the gun went off when one man

01:27:11.670 --> 01:27:14.270
tried to take it from the other to shoot a rat.

01:27:14.720 --> 01:27:17.180
The victim was transported to the hospital. Homeowner

01:27:17.180 --> 01:27:23.060
Mark Fuller was charged with endangerment of

01:27:23.060 --> 01:27:26.939
a person involving a firearm and discharging

01:27:26.939 --> 01:27:30.659
a firearm within 500 feet of a dwelling. He is

01:27:30.659 --> 01:27:35.819
out on bond and awaiting his trial. So they were

01:27:35.819 --> 01:27:39.520
shooting at rats out of their store window. And

01:27:39.520 --> 01:27:42.539
one guy tried to grab the... the gun from another

01:27:42.539 --> 01:27:45.060
guy to shoot a rat that he's seen, and it accidentally

01:27:45.060 --> 01:27:49.300
shot the guy. The other guy. So, there you go.

01:27:49.539 --> 01:27:55.460
Alrighty. Well, I didn't tell the caption of

01:27:55.460 --> 01:27:59.079
the story, and I didn't write it. Redneck Chronicles.

01:27:59.239 --> 01:28:04.500
Because I already get enough heat. I get enough

01:28:04.500 --> 01:28:06.539
heat from people that I used to go to school

01:28:06.539 --> 01:28:08.920
with because I tease around and call them rednecks.

01:28:09.220 --> 01:28:13.449
I'm just having fun. So that's why I didn't say

01:28:13.449 --> 01:28:16.550
that. That was a caption of the article that

01:28:16.550 --> 01:28:21.270
I read online and printed out. I'm going to write

01:28:21.270 --> 01:28:24.189
that down. Yeah, that's going to be sent by storage.

01:28:26.390 --> 01:28:29.869
Redneck Chronicles? I love that. Yeah. Hell yeah.

01:28:31.710 --> 01:28:33.989
Yeah, I got a bunch of them, too, of people I

01:28:33.989 --> 01:28:39.840
grew up with. We used to catch... Those little

01:28:39.840 --> 01:28:44.060
lizards, those little skinks, right? And we use

01:28:44.060 --> 01:28:49.979
them to catch black bass. But yeah, have you

01:28:49.979 --> 01:28:56.319
ever done this? I think they called it like lizard

01:28:56.319 --> 01:28:58.840
tailing or something like that. And that's where

01:28:58.840 --> 01:29:01.199
one guy goes to the rock where there's a bunch

01:29:01.199 --> 01:29:03.399
of those skinks at. They scare him and you grab

01:29:03.399 --> 01:29:05.739
a seine net and you throw it over him. Have you

01:29:05.739 --> 01:29:12.170
ever done that? yeah yeah that is definitely

01:29:12.170 --> 01:29:15.229
a redneck thing i mean i got to thinking about

01:29:15.229 --> 01:29:17.449
that and i was like man that was so redneck we

01:29:17.449 --> 01:29:19.210
would sit there all day and someone would be

01:29:19.210 --> 01:29:20.930
like i wonder if there's any underneath this

01:29:20.930 --> 01:29:23.890
rock so they start toppling shit and also that

01:29:23.890 --> 01:29:25.890
was a great way to get a timber rattler or something

01:29:25.890 --> 01:29:28.449
like that on you and we didn't think anything

01:29:28.449 --> 01:29:31.470
about it we're just like at these creek beds

01:29:31.470 --> 01:29:34.449
fucking flipping up these rocks everywhere and

01:29:34.449 --> 01:29:36.550
trying to get those little skinks to fish for

01:29:36.550 --> 01:29:38.770
black bass. But, yeah, that's a whole other story

01:29:38.770 --> 01:29:41.970
for a whole other day. Anyhow, everybody, thank

01:29:41.970 --> 01:29:45.550
you for listening. We love you guys. Good night,

01:29:45.630 --> 01:29:51.390
assholes. All right, good night, assholes. Oh,

01:29:51.409 --> 01:29:54.609
no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has

01:29:54.609 --> 01:29:57.430
explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless

01:29:57.430 --> 01:30:01.069
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading

01:30:01.069 --> 01:30:02.029
your ear holes soon.