WEBVTT 00:00:35.909 --> 00:00:39.149 Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come 00:00:39.149 --> 00:00:43.020 on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon 00:00:43.020 --> 00:00:45.759 and coke? There's a liquor store down the road. 00:00:45.859 --> 00:00:49.500 If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since 00:00:49.500 --> 00:00:52.200 you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge 00:00:52.200 --> 00:00:55.579 out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your 00:00:55.579 --> 00:00:58.340 hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me. 00:00:58.520 --> 00:01:01.159 I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download 00:01:01.159 --> 00:01:05.500 every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise 00:01:05.500 --> 00:01:08.590 to make... All friends, family members, and workmates 00:01:08.590 --> 00:01:12.189 download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise 00:01:12.189 --> 00:01:15.189 to grab idle computers, work computers, friends 00:01:15.189 --> 00:01:18.250 computers, community computers, and other assorted 00:01:18.250 --> 00:01:20.430 phones and listening devices and download the 00:01:20.430 --> 00:01:24.170 show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will 00:01:24.170 --> 00:01:26.810 download the show and constantly barrage everyone 00:01:26.810 --> 00:01:30.349 with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane 00:01:30.349 --> 00:01:32.989 Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and 00:01:32.989 --> 00:01:35.980 scream the show's name from my front yard. And 00:01:35.980 --> 00:01:38.299 finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor, 00:01:38.500 --> 00:01:42.040 we must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus, 00:01:42.040 --> 00:01:45.099 Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you 00:01:45.099 --> 00:01:49.239 go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's 00:01:49.239 --> 00:01:54.739 a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two 00:01:54.739 --> 00:01:57.280 Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind 00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:00.379 our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume 00:02:00.379 --> 00:02:03.700 we got the story wrong. At least we admit it. 00:02:04.170 --> 00:02:07.049 Not like all those other guys. We can and will 00:02:07.049 --> 00:02:11.490 lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags 00:02:11.490 --> 00:02:22.030 and a microphone. We are Kansas City. Hey, you 00:02:22.030 --> 00:02:24.349 yankers. We often think many things are just 00:02:24.349 --> 00:02:26.349 true because we've heard it our whole lives. 00:02:26.469 --> 00:02:29.189 That's why here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, 00:02:29.229 --> 00:02:33.099 we developed the segment, Not True. We investigate 00:02:33.099 --> 00:02:35.780 and uncover the real truth of what happened. 00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:40.379 We've heard for years that Einstein was so intelligent 00:02:40.379 --> 00:02:42.560 he could not figure out how to tie his shoe. 00:02:43.479 --> 00:02:47.719 The fact is, he disliked wearing socks. He would 00:02:47.719 --> 00:02:50.259 put socks over his shoes to avoid tying them. 00:02:50.300 --> 00:02:53.099 He believed tying shoelaces was an incredible 00:02:53.099 --> 00:02:57.020 waste of time. So were Crocs when Einstein needed 00:02:57.020 --> 00:03:00.060 them. Hey fellas, remember to wipe away from 00:03:00.060 --> 00:03:03.310 the twins! Stay fresh ideas from the douchebags. 00:03:10.650 --> 00:03:16.430 Hi, all. This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous 00:03:16.430 --> 00:03:23.689 city in North America. You can't touch me. Oh, 00:03:23.710 --> 00:03:25.770 yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, 00:03:25.810 --> 00:03:28.409 bitch. This is Joshua Belmont, your food for 00:03:28.409 --> 00:03:31.699 thought man on The Hustle. Today, we need to 00:03:31.699 --> 00:03:34.840 focus on the genius Franklin Harris for inventing 00:03:34.840 --> 00:03:38.460 the jukebox override. Some dumbass puts down 00:03:38.460 --> 00:03:41.580 a hundred on the Melvins to last all night. No 00:03:41.580 --> 00:03:44.520 worry, thanks to Mr. Harris. Just put in a buck 00:03:44.520 --> 00:03:47.159 a song to override shitty music and you can be 00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:50.879 the hero. Mr. Harris, not many stop to admire 00:03:50.879 --> 00:03:54.080 your fine work, but we do here at Two Douchebags 00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:56.699 and a Microphone. Thank you, Mr. Harris, for 00:03:56.699 --> 00:04:01.419 being a patriotic, great human being. And now 00:04:01.419 --> 00:04:04.020 we look in on the adventures of the technical 00:04:04.020 --> 00:04:07.939 explanation guy. Excuse me, my dear sir. Could 00:04:07.939 --> 00:04:11.000 you please put my plain bread in a small countertop 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:13.060 appliance with heating elements that would spring 00:04:13.060 --> 00:04:16.300 loaded and would brown my bread adequately? Well, 00:04:16.339 --> 00:04:19.160 first off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over 00:04:19.160 --> 00:04:22.180 there sitting at the table having a drink. Second 00:04:22.180 --> 00:04:24.120 off, are you talking about someone toasting your 00:04:24.120 --> 00:04:27.000 bread? Well, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:29.160 my bread being toasted. Then why don't you just 00:04:29.160 --> 00:04:31.639 ask for your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? 00:04:31.939 --> 00:04:35.480 The hell's wrong with you? Hey, look. I think 00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:37.699 we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're safe. 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:46.420 Oh, no. It's an island of horrible jokes. Singing 00:04:46.420 --> 00:04:49.899 in the shower is fun. Until you get soap in your 00:04:49.899 --> 00:05:05.399 mouth. Then it's a soap opera. Hey everybody, 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:08.240 this is Mark, two douchebags in microphone from 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:12.959 the Talk is Cheap studio on a chilly, what is 00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:15.459 it, Thursday? Yeah, chilly Thursday evening. 00:05:16.019 --> 00:05:18.939 And Rob's having some internet problems, so I'm 00:05:18.939 --> 00:05:20.879 going to go ahead and do somewhat of a solo cast 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:25.069 tonight. And I found a few stories to put together 00:05:25.069 --> 00:05:27.129 just to throw them out there to give you guys 00:05:27.129 --> 00:05:30.410 something to chew on. And if you don't chew on 00:05:30.410 --> 00:05:33.370 it, then you know what? Then I guess you won't 00:05:33.370 --> 00:05:35.790 even download it. Or as soon as you hear it's 00:05:35.790 --> 00:05:38.850 a solo cast, you'll click it off. But we hope 00:05:38.850 --> 00:05:43.250 not. All right. Well, the first story that I 00:05:43.250 --> 00:05:46.410 have, Matthew Thornhill, a St. Charles County, 00:05:46.550 --> 00:05:49.829 Missouri. circuit judge, has been suspended and 00:05:49.829 --> 00:05:52.110 will be banned from holding judicial offices 00:05:52.110 --> 00:05:55.709 in Missouri, Fox 2 Now TV reported on November 00:05:55.709 --> 00:05:58.829 19th. Thornhill was found to have engaged in 00:05:58.829 --> 00:06:01.610 several acts of misconduct, including discussing 00:06:01.610 --> 00:06:04.350 politics from the bench, but his most notable 00:06:04.350 --> 00:06:06.810 overstep was occasionally wearing a large plastic 00:06:06.810 --> 00:06:10.329 Elvis wig and sunglasses while presiding over 00:06:10.329 --> 00:06:13.269 the court. Thornhill said he was trying to add 00:06:13.269 --> 00:06:17.319 levity and relax people. but he can now see his 00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:20.779 actions affected the solemnity of the proceedings. 00:06:20.920 --> 00:06:23.800 He admitted to the charges against him and waived 00:06:23.800 --> 00:06:26.439 his right to an appeal, and with that, Elvis 00:06:26.439 --> 00:06:31.439 has left the building. I didn't write that. I 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:32.939 probably shouldn't have even repeated it, but 00:06:32.939 --> 00:06:37.000 there you go. So, that was interesting. Judges 00:06:37.000 --> 00:06:43.279 can be a little out there, too. Next story is 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:46.939 on November 18th. Paige Batten got a call about 00:06:46.939 --> 00:06:49.759 a home she had for sale in Chattanooga, Tennessee. 00:06:50.540 --> 00:06:55.040 Local 3 TV reported. Potential buyers wondered 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:58.240 when Batten would be replacing the driveway at 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:01.120 the home, which Batten hadn't planned on replacing 00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:05.139 it. Then she learned that the day before, at 00:07:05.139 --> 00:07:07.360 least three trucks had been at the home, including 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:10.459 two backhoes and a dump truck. Neighbors assumed 00:07:10.459 --> 00:07:12.860 that Batten had contracted for the driveway to 00:07:12.860 --> 00:07:16.240 be removed, but... Neighbor April Renner said, 00:07:16.379 --> 00:07:18.740 somebody unfortunately stole it somehow, which 00:07:18.740 --> 00:07:21.779 is bizarre. Days later, Batten heard from a local 00:07:21.779 --> 00:07:24.040 concrete company, which said it had been given 00:07:24.040 --> 00:07:27.540 the address by a scammer posing a legit customer. 00:07:27.860 --> 00:07:30.639 The company poured Batten a new driveway free 00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:33.259 of charge. I wish someone would do that to me. 00:07:33.699 --> 00:07:35.800 I wish someone would play a prank like that on 00:07:35.800 --> 00:07:37.759 me. That'd be great. I'd come out and go, hey, 00:07:37.779 --> 00:07:42.560 guys, I didn't order this, but thank you. I'll 00:07:42.560 --> 00:07:45.649 be keeping it. Appreciate it. Have a great day. 00:07:47.430 --> 00:07:50.689 And I would really like your feedback on these 00:07:50.689 --> 00:07:53.389 solo casts. I'm kind of reluctant to doing it 00:07:53.389 --> 00:07:56.949 because it's so much easier to do a show with 00:07:56.949 --> 00:07:59.269 someone to bounce stuff off of and to chime in 00:07:59.269 --> 00:08:01.709 and what have you in their own stories. You know, 00:08:01.750 --> 00:08:03.930 Rob has his own brand of stories, kind of like 00:08:03.930 --> 00:08:06.990 I do. We have our own thoughts and our own little 00:08:06.990 --> 00:08:10.089 rhythms, I guess is what you would say, and our 00:08:10.089 --> 00:08:15.509 own little... personal tastes of stories. So 00:08:15.509 --> 00:08:18.230 I'd like to know how you feel about these. It'd 00:08:18.230 --> 00:08:21.350 be nice to hear. So if you could break me off 00:08:21.350 --> 00:08:27.149 an email, it's twodouchesatmail .com twodouchesatmail 00:08:27.149 --> 00:08:29.810 .com Don't be afraid to break me off an email. 00:08:30.790 --> 00:08:32.570 Hate mail goes to the front of the line, like 00:08:32.570 --> 00:08:35.009 me and Topher has always said. You mad enough 00:08:35.009 --> 00:08:37.809 to send something to me? If I piss you off that 00:08:37.809 --> 00:08:40.429 bad? I want to read it. I want to hear what I 00:08:40.429 --> 00:08:44.750 did to piss you off that bad. So, and we go to 00:08:44.750 --> 00:08:50.730 the next story. Andre McKenzie, 54, is serving 00:08:50.730 --> 00:08:53.850 a life sentence for murder in Port Phillip Prison 00:08:53.850 --> 00:08:57.029 in Victoria, Australia. But just because he's 00:08:57.029 --> 00:09:00.350 doing hard time doesn't mean McKenzie thinks 00:09:00.350 --> 00:09:04.350 it's fair to do without the finer things. To 00:09:04.350 --> 00:09:07.139 that end, The inmate is suing Victoria Department 00:09:07.139 --> 00:09:10.440 of Justice and Community Safety, as well as Corrections 00:09:10.440 --> 00:09:13.279 Victoria, the company that manages the prison, 00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:17.220 to lift their ban on Vegemite. Yes, the thick, 00:09:17.220 --> 00:09:20.399 brown, shiny, yeast -based paste. That is just 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:23.759 completely disgusting. And I don't know why anyone 00:09:23.759 --> 00:09:26.500 would like to eat it. The convicted criminal 00:09:26.500 --> 00:09:29.960 claims that This Vegemite sandwich helps him 00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:33.740 to enjoy his culture as an Australian. Vegemite 00:09:33.740 --> 00:09:37.279 was banned in Victoria prisons in 2006 after 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:39.419 officials determined that prisoners were using 00:09:39.419 --> 00:09:42.220 its odor to hide drugs from narcotic detention 00:09:42.220 --> 00:09:45.259 dogs. CNN reports that the case is scheduled 00:09:45.259 --> 00:09:48.399 for trial in the Supreme Court of Victoria next 00:09:48.399 --> 00:09:53.899 year. We'll see how that turns out. So, all kinds 00:09:53.899 --> 00:09:58.759 of crazy shit going on. So, next one is, on November 00:09:58.759 --> 00:10:01.460 11th, an unnamed 36 -year -old man entered a 00:10:01.460 --> 00:10:04.080 bus in Hamilton, Ontario, while the driver is 00:10:04.080 --> 00:10:07.419 taking a short break outside, Fox 5 TV reported. 00:10:07.940 --> 00:10:10.539 Then the man drove off with all the passengers 00:10:10.539 --> 00:10:13.399 still inside. He drove around making stops to 00:10:13.399 --> 00:10:16.340 let people off and on, and even denied one person 00:10:16.340 --> 00:10:18.980 trying to board without a bus pass. What a dick. 00:10:19.600 --> 00:10:21.779 He stole it. You won't let someone on without 00:10:21.779 --> 00:10:23.940 a bus pass you. I would say, come on, man. Hell, 00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:25.580 I didn't pay anything for this shit. Come on 00:10:25.580 --> 00:10:28.720 up, man. Come on, buddy. Here, want a beer? Why 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:31.639 not? Police followed the bus and eventually took 00:10:31.639 --> 00:10:34.039 the rogue driver into custody, but praised his 00:10:34.039 --> 00:10:37.080 skills. There's not a ding on the bus, said Trevor 00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:39.940 McKenna of the Hamilton Police. He did a great 00:10:39.940 --> 00:10:42.769 job. He was charged with theft over $5 ,000, 00:10:42.970 --> 00:10:46.429 possession over $5 ,000, obstructing police, 00:10:46.850 --> 00:10:50.690 and driving while prohibited. Well, good for 00:10:50.690 --> 00:10:53.789 you. What the hell was your name again? It just 00:10:53.789 --> 00:10:56.149 says a 36 -year -old Ontario man. So whatever 00:10:56.149 --> 00:10:59.049 your name is, you did a good job driving. Proud 00:10:59.049 --> 00:11:03.649 of you. Everything else? I don't know. Do you 00:11:03.649 --> 00:11:05.769 have hobbies? You know, one of my hobbies is 00:11:05.769 --> 00:11:09.720 what you hear here. Yeah. Yep, yep, this here 00:11:09.720 --> 00:11:12.559 podcast is a hobby of mine. I would not call 00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:14.379 it a profession, it's not like I make a dime, 00:11:14.519 --> 00:11:17.940 but I would definitely call this a hobby. And 00:11:17.940 --> 00:11:22.220 it probably shows. Martin Stroby, 42, of Hoensberg, 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:25.460 Sweden, has earned a Guinness World Record of 00:11:25.460 --> 00:11:28.379 dubious achievement of stuffing matches in his 00:11:28.379 --> 00:11:30.919 nostrils, United Press International reported 00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:34.539 on November 18th. Um, yeah, yeah, that's his 00:11:34.539 --> 00:11:40.590 hobby. So, I'm kind of happy I do this and not 00:11:40.590 --> 00:11:44.409 I don't stick matches up my nostrils. To me, 00:11:44.429 --> 00:11:45.950 that doesn't sound like a hobby. That sounds 00:11:45.950 --> 00:11:50.750 like hell. But, I go on. The previous record 00:11:50.750 --> 00:11:53.830 was 68 wood matches. Strobey is able to shove 00:11:53.830 --> 00:11:58.809 81. 81 matches into his nose. How in the hell 00:11:58.809 --> 00:12:02.899 do you get 81 matches in your nose? I discovered 00:12:02.899 --> 00:12:06.080 I could both stretch my nostrils a lot and also 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:08.039 ignore the pain for putting all those matches 00:12:08.039 --> 00:12:11.039 in there. So I'd say I'm a natural strobe, he 00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:13.379 says. As a father, I want my children to look 00:12:13.379 --> 00:12:15.820 up to me in the same way I look up to my father. 00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:19.100 Really? You actually think that your children 00:12:19.100 --> 00:12:22.340 are going to go, man, my dad is so cool. He puts 00:12:22.340 --> 00:12:27.460 81 matches in his nostril. I mean, I'd be, if 00:12:27.460 --> 00:12:29.539 that was my dad when I was younger, I would have 00:12:29.539 --> 00:12:31.179 been embarrassed to say that. I'd be like, hey, 00:12:31.200 --> 00:12:34.299 what does your dad do? I know he gardens. Yeah, 00:12:34.399 --> 00:12:36.399 yeah, he gardens. Yeah, yeah. He do anything 00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:40.700 else? No, that's it. Just gardens. Didn't I see 00:12:40.700 --> 00:12:43.480 him with some, no, no, no, you didn't. That wasn't 00:12:43.480 --> 00:12:49.200 him. That's somebody else. So, from odd hobbies 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:53.700 to seniors that can't get out very much anymore. 00:12:54.279 --> 00:12:57.240 I love this. This is a great idea. Why not bring 00:12:57.240 --> 00:12:59.639 the party to them? That's what one retirement 00:12:59.639 --> 00:13:03.539 home in Couman, France, has done. Their auxiliary 00:13:03.539 --> 00:13:07.340 home has opened a pub to the public after obtaining 00:13:07.340 --> 00:13:10.580 a liquor license. RTL Today reported on November 00:13:10.580 --> 00:13:13.899 19th. The bar opens before lunchtime, the residents 00:13:13.899 --> 00:13:16.659 say, and they love it. It makes us see things 00:13:16.659 --> 00:13:20.039 in a more positive light. I bet after a couple 00:13:20.039 --> 00:13:21.980 of beers, everything's all, you know, fucking 00:13:21.980 --> 00:13:27.100 all dandy, right? It's Colette Kearney, 96. Director 00:13:27.100 --> 00:13:30.659 Robert Kohler said Gathering Spot aims to foster 00:13:30.659 --> 00:13:34.159 integral exchanges and provide this sense of 00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:36.860 community. Contacts are being made, and that's 00:13:36.860 --> 00:13:39.299 the kind of thing we're looking for. That extra 00:13:39.299 --> 00:13:41.799 touch of soul that we want to bring to our residents, 00:13:42.039 --> 00:13:45.100 he said. Now, in the nearby town of Barr, a similar 00:13:45.100 --> 00:13:47.600 project is underway. So there you go. They're 00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:49.820 going to be doing more of these, and I wish they'd 00:13:49.820 --> 00:13:52.000 come over here. I think that's a great... Actually, 00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:54.720 you know what? No, there's a place down the road. 00:13:54.799 --> 00:13:59.419 I forgot the name of it. They since went under 00:13:59.419 --> 00:14:03.320 or sold or something, but Tuscany Village was 00:14:03.320 --> 00:14:05.919 the name of it. Now, I think it's a part of Avila 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:09.139 College now, but Tuscany Village, they used to 00:14:09.139 --> 00:14:11.759 have a pub in there, and they have walking trails 00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:15.240 everywhere. It was a really neat place. That 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:17.960 place was doing it back then. I don't know, quite 00:14:17.960 --> 00:14:21.440 a few years ago before they changed to Avala, 00:14:21.460 --> 00:14:24.779 Auxiliary, or whatever they are. But I thought 00:14:24.779 --> 00:14:26.379 that was a great idea back then. I definitely 00:14:26.379 --> 00:14:28.820 think it's a great idea now. And I'm glad they're 00:14:28.820 --> 00:14:31.460 doing it in France. I think it's great if they 00:14:31.460 --> 00:14:35.940 did it everywhere. So we go from old to young. 00:14:38.259 --> 00:14:40.559 United Press International reported on November 00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:44.460 20th that a talking teddy bear called Kuma has 00:14:44.460 --> 00:14:47.179 been pulled from retail shelves after an AI -powered 00:14:47.179 --> 00:14:51.220 toy ventured into questionable topics. A group 00:14:51.220 --> 00:14:54.419 of researchers from the U .S. and Canada held 00:14:54.419 --> 00:14:57.940 conversations with Kuma and found it easy to 00:14:57.940 --> 00:15:01.419 get the $99 bear to discuss sexually explicit 00:15:01.419 --> 00:15:06.139 topics including spanking. Roleplay and BDSM. 00:15:06.220 --> 00:15:08.519 The researcher said Kuma would take a particular 00:15:08.519 --> 00:15:11.720 topic and run with it, simultaneously escalating 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:14.340 in graphic detail while introducing new sexual 00:15:14.340 --> 00:15:18.120 concepts of its own. The bear also offered advice 00:15:18.120 --> 00:15:20.779 about where to find sharp knives in the house. 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:27.940 Shit. CEO of Folotoy Larry Wang said his company 00:15:27.940 --> 00:15:31.399 is conducting an internal safety audit. I would 00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:55.960 say so. Jeez. One of the most overlooked post 00:15:55.960 --> 00:15:59.500 -apocalypse need is first aid. Have several kits 00:15:59.500 --> 00:16:02.620 and metal canisters. one in your bunker and the 00:16:02.620 --> 00:16:05.820 rest buried near natural markers such as odd 00:16:05.820 --> 00:16:10.779 trees or natural clearings gauze salve ointment 00:16:10.779 --> 00:16:15.120 antibiotics sutures thread needles sharp knives 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:20.960 and scissors should be in all of the kits hey 00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:23.980 my fellow heavy breathers this is dash riptide 00:16:23.980 --> 00:16:29.679 your music news Walls of Jericho is a song by 00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:31.759 Bon Jovi that features a guest appearance by 00:16:31.759 --> 00:16:34.600 Def Leppard singer Joe Elliott. According to 00:16:34.600 --> 00:16:37.779 this Instagram post, the track is from the forever 00:16:37.779 --> 00:16:40.659 legendary edition of Bon Jovi's album, which 00:16:40.659 --> 00:16:44.720 was released in October 2025. The song is named 00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:47.759 Walls of Jericho. The song features Bon Jovi 00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:50.559 and Joe Elliott from Def Leppard. Jon Bon Jovi 00:16:50.559 --> 00:16:53.039 chose this song for Elliott to feature on because 00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:56.220 it's stadium rock sound that is reminiscent of 00:16:56.220 --> 00:16:58.820 both bands. It is her first ever collaboration. 00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:02.740 This is Gash Riptine, and that was your music 00:17:02.740 --> 00:17:05.799 news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear 00:17:05.799 --> 00:17:16.339 damage, just like me. Hey there, fuckstick. You're 00:17:16.339 --> 00:17:18.539 just in time for brand new feature news nobody 00:17:18.539 --> 00:17:22.440 gives a shit about. In a remote area in France... 00:17:22.829 --> 00:17:25.990 An armadillo was found alive, and no one knows 00:17:25.990 --> 00:17:31.789 how it got there. And now, Deep Thoughts with 00:17:31.789 --> 00:17:41.450 Mark. It seems to me that the whole object of 00:17:41.450 --> 00:17:46.470 playing golf is to play the least amount of golf. 00:17:54.410 --> 00:17:56.430 Have you ever wondered what something is or not? 00:17:56.470 --> 00:17:58.450 Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, 00:17:58.630 --> 00:18:01.670 I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so 00:18:01.670 --> 00:18:05.589 have we. That's why we give you the origin of. 00:18:06.170 --> 00:18:09.750 The origin of the nose ring. The middle east 00:18:09.750 --> 00:18:12.250 is the birthplace of the nostril ring, piercing, 00:18:12.470 --> 00:18:16.410 tracking back 4 ,000 years. Nostrils were held 00:18:16.410 --> 00:18:19.230 as a status of upper class if they were pierced 00:18:19.230 --> 00:18:23.299 with a ring. Christopher. elaborate prank section, 00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:25.940 right? Mm -hmm. Okay, well, I've got one for 00:18:25.940 --> 00:18:27.859 you. I never told you about Babble Snatch, have 00:18:27.859 --> 00:18:31.779 I? Uh, no. Okay, even if I did, just say I didn't 00:18:31.779 --> 00:18:34.200 know. You know, there's nothing about Babble 00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:36.400 Snatch. Yeah, I think I remember a name like 00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:39.740 Babble Snatch. Okay. Well, Babble Snatch, this 00:18:39.740 --> 00:18:43.160 is back in the 80s, probably mid -80s, best guess. 00:18:43.500 --> 00:18:46.140 Could have been 87 at the latest, but anyhow. 00:18:47.160 --> 00:18:49.220 Yeah, I used to go to the 7 -Eleven in Belvedere, 00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:51.279 which isn't there now. It was knocked down and 00:18:51.279 --> 00:18:54.460 then replaced. Way later by a quick trip. But 00:18:54.460 --> 00:18:57.299 anyhow, I used to go in there all the time and, 00:18:57.299 --> 00:18:59.359 you know, go in there and buy sodas and shit 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:02.799 and whatever, you know. Rolling papers for my 00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:06.220 friends, not for me. And anyhow, you know, just 00:19:06.220 --> 00:19:10.220 shit like that. anyhow there's this guy in there 00:19:10.220 --> 00:19:12.880 he i don't know you know i think he hated long 00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:15.559 hairs or something but hey i noticed he was nice 00:19:15.559 --> 00:19:18.220 to everybody but me like i'd be like third in 00:19:18.220 --> 00:19:21.140 line and anyhow you know the first guy hey mr 00:19:21.140 --> 00:19:24.240 jones how you doing oh man yeah nice weather 00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:28.289 hey how's the kid you know next person Hi, Loretta. 00:19:28.289 --> 00:19:31.170 How you doing? Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's 00:19:31.170 --> 00:19:33.730 going good, man. I got the old Taurus running 00:19:33.730 --> 00:19:36.349 really good. Yeah, yeah. Come by, man. The old 00:19:36.349 --> 00:19:40.390 Taurus. Yeah, you know. I come up there. 142. 00:19:41.009 --> 00:19:47.009 So, how you doing? 142. Okay, here you go. And 00:19:47.009 --> 00:19:48.849 I'm like, what the hell? How come this guy hates 00:19:48.849 --> 00:19:51.630 me? And every time I go in there, nice as pie 00:19:51.630 --> 00:19:54.089 to everybody but me, it's like, just like, yeah, 00:19:54.089 --> 00:19:57.490 it'd be 249. So, uh, weather's pretty nice out 00:19:57.490 --> 00:20:02.769 there. Thanks. Bye. Motherfucker. So he did this 00:20:02.769 --> 00:20:05.250 so many times and he just never talked to me. 00:20:05.269 --> 00:20:07.069 He wouldn't even like hardly look at me, you 00:20:07.069 --> 00:20:09.450 know? So, and I never did nothing to this fucker 00:20:09.450 --> 00:20:11.650 that I know of, you know, maybe someone said 00:20:11.650 --> 00:20:13.589 something like this guy said, you know, that 00:20:13.589 --> 00:20:16.930 you're a dick or maybe someone's screwing with 00:20:16.930 --> 00:20:18.369 him. Like, Hey man, he thinks you've got a nice 00:20:18.369 --> 00:20:21.869 ass. Whatever the fucking deal was, the guy was 00:20:21.869 --> 00:20:24.130 just a complete tool bag to me constantly. So 00:20:24.130 --> 00:20:26.519 I was like, all right, bitch. So I go home and 00:20:26.519 --> 00:20:29.339 I think about it. I'm like, okay. So I start 00:20:29.339 --> 00:20:32.480 calling up and I go, hey, you got any Babble 00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:36.920 Snatch gum? What? Babble Snatch. Everybody, I 00:20:36.920 --> 00:20:39.279 mean, I bought it from there a couple weeks ago. 00:20:39.880 --> 00:20:42.500 Stuff is fucking awesome, man. I'll tell you 00:20:42.500 --> 00:20:44.680 what, man, talk to your manager about it. Is 00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:47.859 this like a breath -freshening gum? I don't, 00:20:47.859 --> 00:20:50.779 you know. Maybe a bubble gum? I just came up 00:20:50.779 --> 00:20:54.039 with it. And anyhow, the guy, he bit on it, you 00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:56.859 know. He was like, oh, yeah, I'll check on it 00:20:56.859 --> 00:20:58.980 for you. That's awesome. Hey, thanks, man. I 00:20:58.980 --> 00:21:01.099 appreciate it. So anyhow, so I called back a 00:21:01.099 --> 00:21:03.279 little bit later. Yeah, someone called earlier, 00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:06.279 you know. And anyhow, I'm sure we have it here 00:21:06.279 --> 00:21:08.359 somewhere. But, you know, I'll talk to my manager 00:21:08.359 --> 00:21:10.160 about it tonight, and we'll see what we can do. 00:21:10.380 --> 00:21:12.359 So anyhow. I have a couple other people call 00:21:12.359 --> 00:21:14.460 it about babble snatch gum and, you know, and 00:21:14.460 --> 00:21:16.319 they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we're, 00:21:16.319 --> 00:21:18.480 we're working on getting it in. Okay. You know, 00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:21.380 the regional manager, we called him and he said 00:21:21.380 --> 00:21:23.039 that he was going to work on getting it in here. 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:26.019 And, and I go, well, you know, I bought it the 00:21:26.019 --> 00:21:28.779 other day and it's just so good. And they believe 00:21:28.779 --> 00:21:31.019 me. I go, man, this gum is just so great tasting. 00:21:31.279 --> 00:21:33.359 And he's like, it's babble snatch, right? Yeah. 00:21:33.440 --> 00:21:35.700 Babble snatch. That's the name of it. Okay. All 00:21:35.700 --> 00:21:37.519 right. I would have loved to listen to another 00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.240 conversation when he's asking the regional manager. 00:21:40.460 --> 00:21:43.420 about Babble Snatch. Oh, yeah. So, you know, 00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:46.589 anyhow. I called down there the next day, and 00:21:46.589 --> 00:21:48.190 I go, hey, man, you know, you got that Babble 00:21:48.190 --> 00:21:50.009 Snatch gum? You know, the guy's like, oh, hang 00:21:50.009 --> 00:21:51.930 on, hang on. I think it's in. We just had a load. 00:21:52.009 --> 00:21:54.349 Hang on. So, anyhow, so the guy's like, you know, 00:21:54.349 --> 00:21:56.950 and this is the guy I hated, the Paul guy. So, 00:21:57.009 --> 00:21:59.470 anyhow, he's like, yeah, hang on a second. So, 00:21:59.549 --> 00:22:01.349 I hear him like, yeah, hey, I'm going to go to 00:22:01.349 --> 00:22:03.269 the back there, and it's in one of the boxes. 00:22:03.309 --> 00:22:05.569 They said it was coming in today. So, all right, 00:22:05.609 --> 00:22:07.809 no big deal. So, I hear him go back there. I 00:22:07.809 --> 00:22:09.509 hear some rustling, and a couple people come 00:22:09.509 --> 00:22:12.190 in. Then he stops. He goes up there. Oh, yeah, 00:22:12.230 --> 00:22:14.670 it'll be 1242. Okay, thank you. You have a good 00:22:14.670 --> 00:22:16.410 day. And then he helps someone else. I hear him 00:22:16.410 --> 00:22:19.190 go back again. I hear him wrestling through some 00:22:19.190 --> 00:22:21.569 more boxes. Meanwhile, I'm laughing my ass off. 00:22:22.690 --> 00:22:25.210 Anyhow, this guy, he like for like 20 minutes 00:22:25.210 --> 00:22:29.549 is looking for babble snatch gum. So anyhow, 00:22:29.869 --> 00:22:33.190 so like finally, like a half hour later, he comes 00:22:33.190 --> 00:22:35.309 back. He goes, man, he goes, look, I know we're 00:22:35.309 --> 00:22:37.130 going to have an end by the end of the day. I 00:22:37.130 --> 00:22:40.630 talked to my manager. Okay. All right, man. All 00:22:40.630 --> 00:22:41.930 right. I'll come in at night and I'll get some 00:22:41.930 --> 00:22:45.240 gum and save some for me, man. Okay. My name's 00:22:45.240 --> 00:22:48.039 Billy. I'll be in. Okay, okay, all right. I'll 00:22:48.039 --> 00:22:50.839 save you some Babel Snatch gum. No problem. So 00:22:50.839 --> 00:22:53.000 a couple hours later, I call up and I talk to 00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:54.799 the manager. The manager's like, yeah, yeah, 00:22:54.819 --> 00:22:56.799 I ordered some a couple days ago and it should 00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:58.660 be in. If it's not in right now, it's going to 00:22:58.660 --> 00:23:00.339 be in by the end of the day. I guarantee you. 00:23:00.680 --> 00:23:02.640 So I don't know how the hell they ordered it 00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:05.039 because there was no such thing as Babel Snatch 00:23:05.039 --> 00:23:07.960 gum. I made the shut up and all of a sudden, 00:23:07.980 --> 00:23:10.019 I mean, everybody wanted this fucking Babel Snatch 00:23:10.019 --> 00:23:13.460 gum. And it never did exist. Matter of fact, 00:23:13.460 --> 00:23:16.309 this prank. got so good to where i ended up this 00:23:16.309 --> 00:23:18.910 is you know in the 80s before digital cameras 00:23:18.910 --> 00:23:21.650 even let alone you know there are phone cameras 00:23:21.650 --> 00:23:24.490 and all the you know photoshop and everything 00:23:24.490 --> 00:23:27.670 no internet no we had to like cut stuff out of 00:23:27.670 --> 00:23:30.329 wrappers and stuff and make a fake babble snatch 00:23:30.329 --> 00:23:34.839 gum and take an old fashion fashion like Polaroid 00:23:34.839 --> 00:23:36.440 type of picture. Oh, yeah. I forgot what it was. 00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:38.339 It could have been one of those little box cameras 00:23:38.339 --> 00:23:40.319 back then. Probably the only thing I could afford, 00:23:40.539 --> 00:23:43.099 you know. Hey, we actually took a picture of 00:23:43.099 --> 00:23:46.259 the Babble Snatch gum. And a guy went in there. 00:23:46.279 --> 00:23:47.839 He goes, hey, man, I need this. The guy's like, 00:23:47.940 --> 00:23:49.819 I know, I know, I know, man. We're working on 00:23:49.819 --> 00:23:51.519 getting it in. It's hard to get, man. Everybody 00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:55.000 wants this Babble Snatch gum. So, anyhow, I guess 00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:57.160 the whole moral of the story is don't be a dick 00:23:57.160 --> 00:23:58.980 to me because then I'll do something like that. 00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:01.740 And even now, to this day, I'll have a couple 00:24:01.740 --> 00:24:03.380 people on my friends list every now and then. 00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:05.759 Like, send me a little message. He'll go, Babble 00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:09.319 Snatch. I'm like, ah! I remember one time I was, 00:24:09.359 --> 00:24:13.319 like, working up in fucking New York or something. 00:24:13.539 --> 00:24:15.500 And all of a sudden, I get a ding. And, like, 00:24:15.579 --> 00:24:17.839 I'm on top of this fucking skyscraper they were 00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:20.140 putting in glass. And I look down, and it says, 00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:25.819 Babble Snatch. And I'm like, fuck! I'm up there 00:24:25.819 --> 00:24:27.740 dying in this glass, about ready to fall and 00:24:27.740 --> 00:24:32.299 kill 100 people. They recover your body and they 00:24:32.299 --> 00:24:34.660 look at your phone. Well, the last text you received 00:24:34.660 --> 00:24:36.779 said Babble Snatch. We better look into this. 00:24:39.859 --> 00:24:46.000 By some guy named Dirtbag. Yeah. So anyhow, that 00:24:46.000 --> 00:24:49.339 is my elaborate prank section of this. Unless 00:24:49.339 --> 00:24:51.859 we throw some more in there, but anyhow. Babble 00:24:51.859 --> 00:24:55.480 Snatch. Never forget it. This name lives on. 00:24:56.599 --> 00:24:58.980 Two douchebags and microphone in an effort to 00:24:58.980 --> 00:25:04.160 keep everything fresh. We offer you first world 00:25:04.160 --> 00:25:10.140 problems. Damn it. I can't decide between nachos, 00:25:10.180 --> 00:25:17.099 chili, or wings for the game tonight. This is 00:25:17.099 --> 00:25:19.019 bullshit. I should not have to make decisions 00:25:19.019 --> 00:25:22.839 like this. The following is a parody. A parody 00:25:22.839 --> 00:25:25.519 and nothing but a parody. So don't get your panties 00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:29.480 in a wad. Well, hey there, fellas. This is Lil 00:25:29.480 --> 00:25:31.980 Skippy Bayless, and I like to say that I am a 00:25:31.980 --> 00:25:34.380 jealous little bitch, and I only mouth off about 00:25:34.380 --> 00:25:36.440 my homes and the Chiefs is because I have to 00:25:36.440 --> 00:25:38.859 latch on to something relevant as an attempt 00:25:38.859 --> 00:25:41.940 to make me relevant. But it isn't working. Well, 00:25:42.059 --> 00:25:44.559 I gotta go. I have a new Dak Prescott poster 00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:49.539 I need to run one out to. See ya. Hi there. This 00:25:49.539 --> 00:25:52.079 could be Dave Tobe from the Kansas City Chiefs. 00:25:52.299 --> 00:26:23.529 If I am indeed Dave Tobe. Alright. Alright. Welcome 00:26:23.529 --> 00:26:27.150 back, everybody. This is Two Douchebags and Microphone. 00:26:27.250 --> 00:26:29.950 Rob is having some Internet issues. He'll be 00:26:29.950 --> 00:26:32.789 back in tomorrow, next day, or whenever he gets 00:26:32.789 --> 00:26:37.410 his Internet stuff figured out. All right. A 00:26:37.410 --> 00:26:39.910 Waymo self -driving taxi drove a passenger through 00:26:39.910 --> 00:26:42.769 the scene of a police standoff in downtown Los 00:26:42.769 --> 00:26:45.369 Angeles last week, according to a viral video 00:26:45.369 --> 00:26:49.440 posted online Monday. The Waymo taxi came across 00:26:49.440 --> 00:26:52.480 a street blocked by police vehicles early Friday 00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:55.299 morning before turning into an area that was 00:26:55.299 --> 00:26:57.700 not blocked off where other vehicles were also 00:26:57.700 --> 00:27:00.140 traveling, according to a Waymo spokesperson. 00:27:01.400 --> 00:27:03.599 Officers were conducting a high -risk felony 00:27:03.599 --> 00:27:06.619 arrest after a stolen vehicle pursuit at around 00:27:06.619 --> 00:27:09.220 3 .40 a .m. when the Waymo drove through the 00:27:09.220 --> 00:27:12.119 intersection of First Street and Broadway, according 00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:16.329 to the Los Angeles Police Department. Waymo said 00:27:16.329 --> 00:27:19.069 the vehicle was in the vicinity of the event 00:27:19.069 --> 00:27:22.930 for no more than 15 seconds, but you know how 00:27:22.930 --> 00:27:25.410 long it takes a shot to get off? Well, probably 00:27:25.410 --> 00:27:28.650 about one second. So there's 14 seconds to spare. 00:27:30.410 --> 00:27:34.269 Safety is our highest priority at Waymo, both 00:27:34.269 --> 00:27:37.210 for people who choose to ride with us and with 00:27:37.210 --> 00:27:41.069 whom to share the streets with. When we encounter 00:27:41.069 --> 00:27:44.420 unusual events like this one, We learn from them 00:27:44.420 --> 00:27:47.180 as we continue improving road safety and operating 00:27:47.180 --> 00:27:50.819 in dynamic cities, a spokesperson for Waymo said 00:27:50.819 --> 00:27:54.980 in a statement provided to ABC7. The incident 00:27:54.980 --> 00:27:58.720 did not impact LAPD's tactics, police said. The 00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:02.500 LAPD also said it has a 24 -7 hotline for coordinating 00:28:02.500 --> 00:28:06.420 issues with Waymo. Waymo began operating as driverless 00:28:06.420 --> 00:28:09.160 taxis in Los Angeles early last year and opened 00:28:09.160 --> 00:28:12.019 its service to everyone in November of 2024. 00:28:13.339 --> 00:28:15.660 So there you go. Take that for whatever you want. 00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:18.880 I don't think I'll be doing any driving with 00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:21.119 them. I wasn't good anyhow, but this definitely 00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:24.500 didn't help. And on to the next one. On the morning 00:28:24.500 --> 00:28:26.759 of November 3rd at a Publix grocery store in 00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:29.579 Miami, a man using the restroom stall was assaulted 00:28:29.579 --> 00:28:33.119 after Alfredo Brindis, 72, entered the restroom 00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:35.819 frantically and began to bang on the stall door, 00:28:36.019 --> 00:28:39.119 Local 10 TV reported. When the victim exited 00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:42.019 the stall, Brindis yelled at him to hurry and 00:28:42.019 --> 00:28:45.759 move, but Brindis was blocking his way. He said 00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:48.599 Brindis presented a knife and waved it in front 00:28:48.599 --> 00:28:51.759 of the victim and tried to cut him. The victim. 00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:55.119 used his book bag to shield himself. Brindis 00:28:55.119 --> 00:28:56.980 told police that he really needed to use the 00:28:56.980 --> 00:28:59.400 restroom. He was charged with aggravated assault 00:28:59.400 --> 00:29:05.019 with a deadly weapon and awaits trial. Now that 00:29:05.019 --> 00:29:08.500 I have you all here, just me and you, I have 00:29:08.500 --> 00:29:11.000 some things I'd like to go over here. And these 00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:15.180 are fines for the 2025 season of the NFL. They're 00:29:15.180 --> 00:29:18.859 still accumulating, but up to now, this is a 00:29:18.859 --> 00:29:21.980 little rundown of the fines that we have so far. 00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:24.680 And these are not all of them, of course. There's 00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:26.640 too many to really go through. I mean, I could 00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:28.079 go through them, but it'd take, I don't know, 00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:33.200 a week. So, while total fines for the 2025 season 00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:42.109 are still accumulating, drop tackle, and Brian 00:29:42.109 --> 00:29:45.049 Branch of the Lions and known crybaby has the 00:29:45.049 --> 00:29:47.869 most frequently fined player, accumulating several 00:29:47.869 --> 00:29:50.630 fines for different infractions throughout the 00:29:50.630 --> 00:29:54.089 season. The highest single fine was for Louvu, 00:29:54.210 --> 00:29:57.710 who received a fine for a hip drop tackle, while 00:29:57.710 --> 00:29:59.809 Branch had been fined multiple times for his 00:29:59.809 --> 00:30:03.029 offenses like unnecessary roughness and unsportsmanlike 00:30:03.029 --> 00:30:06.190 conduct. The largest single fine, Frankie Louvu, 00:30:06.289 --> 00:30:08.910 for a hip drop tackle, most frequently fined 00:30:08.910 --> 00:30:11.609 player Brian Branch, fined multiple times for 00:30:11.609 --> 00:30:14.150 different violations, including unnecessary roughness 00:30:14.150 --> 00:30:18.690 and unsportsmanlike conduct. Other notable finds, 00:30:18.910 --> 00:30:21.890 the Chargers' Denzel Perryman for a helmet -to 00:30:21.890 --> 00:30:24.710 -helmet hit, Steelers' Patrick Queen for a blow 00:30:24.710 --> 00:30:27.890 to the head and neck of a quarterback, the Chiefs' 00:30:27.890 --> 00:30:30.869 Travis Kelsey for an obscene gesture, and the 00:30:30.869 --> 00:30:33.710 Vikings' Aaron Jones for the use of a helmet. 00:30:35.869 --> 00:30:39.650 So now, I go to a little bit more of the NFL. 00:30:40.190 --> 00:30:43.730 This is next week's games that have potential 00:30:43.730 --> 00:30:47.589 playoff impacts. Thursday night starts off week 00:30:47.589 --> 00:30:52.950 13 with Cowboys versus the Lions. I am picking 00:30:52.950 --> 00:30:55.329 the Lions. I think they're finally going to right 00:30:55.329 --> 00:30:58.529 their ship just a little bit. I just don't have 00:30:58.529 --> 00:31:02.349 a lot of trust in Dak Prescott or Brian Schottenheimer 00:31:02.349 --> 00:31:05.529 or the whole team itself. I think that they can 00:31:05.529 --> 00:31:07.529 sack up and play good games here and here, but 00:31:07.529 --> 00:31:09.349 I don't think they're consistent enough to do 00:31:09.349 --> 00:31:11.809 it. I don't think they have a complete enough 00:31:11.809 --> 00:31:14.549 team to do it. And I think the Lions' back is 00:31:14.549 --> 00:31:16.690 against the wall. And they're rather embarrassed 00:31:16.690 --> 00:31:18.650 right now. They should be playing much better, 00:31:18.690 --> 00:31:21.210 kind of like the Chiefs. But they're not. So, 00:31:21.210 --> 00:31:23.509 I'm going to go ahead and pick the Cowboys. And 00:31:23.509 --> 00:31:26.730 I'm going to say that's going to be a 34. Or 00:31:26.730 --> 00:31:30.089 the Lions, I mean. That's going to be a 34 -27 00:31:30.089 --> 00:31:39.410 Lions. Next game would be the Colts versus the 00:31:39.410 --> 00:31:44.019 Jaguars. I think the Colts are going to beat 00:31:44.019 --> 00:31:46.500 the Jags, even though it is in Jacksonville. 00:31:46.519 --> 00:31:48.920 I think the Colts are another team that have 00:31:48.920 --> 00:31:50.880 been playing very well and kind of like, I don't 00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:53.700 know, got a flat tire somewhere. I think they 00:31:53.700 --> 00:31:55.559 changed that flat tire, and I think they're ready 00:31:55.559 --> 00:31:57.880 to go now. I think the Colts are going to right 00:31:57.880 --> 00:32:00.480 their ship against the Jags this weekend, and 00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:04.359 I am going to say it's going to be a 34 -24 win. 00:32:05.799 --> 00:32:07.839 A solid win against the Jags. And it's going 00:32:07.839 --> 00:32:10.460 to be a little bit more lopsided than that. There's 00:32:10.460 --> 00:32:12.420 going to be a garbage touchdown at the end or 00:32:12.420 --> 00:32:14.039 something like that. So it's going to come within 00:32:14.039 --> 00:32:18.579 10. So, all right. So I guess so far I have the 00:32:18.579 --> 00:32:21.799 Cowboys and I have the Colts. I mean, not Cowboys. 00:32:21.859 --> 00:32:24.339 I keep saying the Cowboys. I have the Lions and 00:32:24.339 --> 00:32:29.339 the Colts. Next one would be Steelers at the 00:32:29.339 --> 00:32:32.880 Ravens. I think the Steelers have had their ass 00:32:32.880 --> 00:32:34.740 kicked a few times here lately, and I'm getting 00:32:34.740 --> 00:32:38.740 tired of them tasting blood. I think that they're, 00:32:38.740 --> 00:32:41.160 especially Aaron Rodgers, phew, Bosa knocked 00:32:41.160 --> 00:32:45.339 the shit out of him. So, Sunday, December 7th, 00:32:45.339 --> 00:32:48.440 high noon, Steelers versus Ravens. I think the 00:32:48.440 --> 00:32:50.019 Steelers are going to right their ship against 00:32:50.019 --> 00:32:52.700 the Ravens. I think the Ravens have a flushable 00:32:52.700 --> 00:32:54.819 season, even though they're in first place with 00:32:54.819 --> 00:32:58.259 a 6 -6 record. They have a flushable season, 00:32:58.359 --> 00:33:01.380 and I think the Steelers are going to just be 00:33:01.380 --> 00:33:04.700 slightly better. I'm going to get that a 24 -20 00:33:04.700 --> 00:33:08.740 win over the Steelers, or over the Ravens. I 00:33:08.740 --> 00:33:12.759 am saying everything wrong today. All right. 00:33:15.140 --> 00:33:21.099 Bears versus the Packers. I think the Bears have 00:33:21.099 --> 00:33:23.059 been playing very, very well, but they're going 00:33:23.059 --> 00:33:26.130 to be up there in Lambeau. And the Packers, I 00:33:26.130 --> 00:33:28.289 think, are just kind of, I don't know, they got 00:33:28.289 --> 00:33:30.390 this kind of a look about them where they could 00:33:30.390 --> 00:33:34.390 maybe go to the Super Bowl this year. Jordan 00:33:34.390 --> 00:33:38.630 Love is playing great. Micah Parsons is playing 00:33:38.630 --> 00:33:41.349 off the hook like always. They are really, really 00:33:41.349 --> 00:33:43.630 looking really good, but so are the Bears. But 00:33:43.630 --> 00:33:45.670 I just think I like the Packers' defense much 00:33:45.670 --> 00:33:49.009 better. And I also like Jordan Love much better 00:33:49.009 --> 00:33:52.630 than Caleb Williams. And I also like the receiving 00:33:52.630 --> 00:33:55.880 core. The Bears have a hell of a running game. 00:33:56.420 --> 00:33:59.420 They have a pretty good defense. But I just think 00:33:59.420 --> 00:34:01.180 the Packers are going to win this. I think the 00:34:01.180 --> 00:34:05.200 Packers are going to win this probably 21 -13 00:34:05.200 --> 00:34:11.780 is what I'm giving it. So, Packers over the Bears. 00:34:14.440 --> 00:34:18.920 Texans versus the Chiefs. I hate doing this. 00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:22.670 I really, really, really hate doing this. But 00:34:22.670 --> 00:34:26.690 the Chiefs look horrible. I mean, they look, 00:34:26.829 --> 00:34:30.130 they play, statistically, they play fantastic 00:34:30.130 --> 00:34:33.550 games. It's so hard to figure out. It's lack 00:34:33.550 --> 00:34:36.710 of execution in crucial times is what it is. 00:34:37.409 --> 00:34:39.809 They just can't seem to get it together. The 00:34:39.809 --> 00:34:42.409 Texans are playing off the hook. Their defense 00:34:42.409 --> 00:34:45.610 is insane. They get in and they smash the quarterback 00:34:45.610 --> 00:34:48.030 really good. They rough him up. They throttle 00:34:48.030 --> 00:34:52.920 him. And our offensive line is down three starters. 00:34:54.500 --> 00:34:56.820 I think the Texans defense is going to have a 00:34:56.820 --> 00:35:00.019 feast on that offensive line that we barely have 00:35:00.019 --> 00:35:03.400 right now protecting Mahomes. I think Mahomes 00:35:03.400 --> 00:35:04.920 is going to be running for his life, and he's 00:35:04.920 --> 00:35:07.519 going to be throwing early and probably a couple 00:35:07.519 --> 00:35:10.239 of interceptions. I hate to say that, but what 00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:13.300 do you do when you keep landing on your ass constantly 00:35:13.300 --> 00:35:16.199 and you don't even see him coming? I mean, you 00:35:16.199 --> 00:35:18.599 know, you have to get rid of the ball. And that's 00:35:18.599 --> 00:35:22.079 what Mahomes is trying to do. So I'm saying the 00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:24.000 Texans, and I'm going to say the Texans are going 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:30.579 to beat us probably 27 to 20. And finally, Eagles 00:35:30.579 --> 00:35:33.659 versus, this was the Sunday night game, 725 p 00:35:33.659 --> 00:35:37.800 .m. at Arrowhead Stadium, December 7th. And this 00:35:37.800 --> 00:35:42.079 would be December 8th, Monday night at 715. It's 00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:46.309 the Eagles versus the Chargers. The Chargers 00:35:46.309 --> 00:35:48.469 haven't been playing really solid or well. They 00:35:48.469 --> 00:35:50.750 have a lot of people out. I think the Eagles 00:35:50.750 --> 00:35:53.530 lost a couple in a row, and I think that they 00:35:53.530 --> 00:35:59.030 are just going to bring it. I think they're tired 00:35:59.030 --> 00:36:02.010 of losing. I think they're starting to work around 00:36:02.010 --> 00:36:04.989 and figure some things out. This is traditionally 00:36:04.989 --> 00:36:07.070 when the Eagles start to catch a little bit more 00:36:07.070 --> 00:36:10.170 fire as you get into December, and they start 00:36:10.170 --> 00:36:13.380 kind of like last year. They were really kind 00:36:13.380 --> 00:36:15.539 of waffling in November and then December come 00:36:15.539 --> 00:36:17.460 and they got it all together. And I think that's 00:36:17.460 --> 00:36:21.960 what's going to happen this year too. So I'm 00:36:21.960 --> 00:36:24.159 going to go ahead and I'm going to pick the Eagles 00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:26.400 over the Chargers. And I'm going to do that with 00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:36.739 probably a 32 -28 victory for the Eagles. So 00:36:36.739 --> 00:36:39.679 while we're talking NFL, I'm going to go into 00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:44.719 sign or pass. There are several Kansas City Chiefs 00:36:44.719 --> 00:36:46.599 players that have contracts up at the end of 00:36:46.599 --> 00:36:49.099 the year, including tight end Travis Kelsey, 00:36:49.300 --> 00:36:51.800 defensive end Charles Amenehu, and cornerback 00:36:51.800 --> 00:36:55.019 Kristen Fulton. Other players like Jalen Moore 00:36:55.019 --> 00:36:57.480 and Drew Tranquil also have contracts that are 00:36:57.480 --> 00:37:00.539 set to expire or have a team option at the end 00:37:00.539 --> 00:37:03.480 of the year. Key players with expiring contracts, 00:37:03.780 --> 00:37:07.360 Travis Kelsey, the tight end's contract is up 00:37:07.360 --> 00:37:11.760 at the end of the year. I'm kind of under the 00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:15.079 assumption that he's going to retire. But he's 00:37:15.079 --> 00:37:20.059 having a solid year. I mean, his skills, yeah, 00:37:20.099 --> 00:37:24.719 have diminished slightly. But, I mean, he's still 00:37:24.719 --> 00:37:29.739 making crucial catches. I mean, he had a tough 00:37:29.739 --> 00:37:31.659 time at the first of the year dropping balls. 00:37:31.800 --> 00:37:33.980 He had a case of the drop sees or running the 00:37:33.980 --> 00:37:36.199 wrong route. He seems to have corrected that 00:37:36.199 --> 00:37:37.840 pretty well, and he's starting to look like the 00:37:37.840 --> 00:37:40.320 Travis Kelsey of old, hitting one in the middle 00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:42.460 and then breaking for a large gain. He's been 00:37:42.460 --> 00:37:44.840 doing that quite a bit this year. I believe he 00:37:44.840 --> 00:37:47.880 has around, I don't know, 750 yards or somewhere 00:37:47.880 --> 00:37:50.099 around there. I'll have to take a look, but I 00:37:50.099 --> 00:37:54.780 believe it's in the sevens. That's not too bad, 00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:57.820 especially for a 35 -year -old tight end. And 00:37:57.820 --> 00:37:59.980 as of right now, he leads the receiving cores 00:37:59.980 --> 00:38:02.199 of the Chiefs, which is an indictment on the 00:38:02.199 --> 00:38:05.840 Chiefs right now. You know, Hollywood Brown should 00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:08.119 have twice as much as his, how much younger he 00:38:08.119 --> 00:38:11.619 is and how much faster he is. It's just, it's 00:38:11.619 --> 00:38:16.239 really, it's mind -boggling that all this so 00:38:16.239 --> 00:38:21.380 -called talent is not getting open. I don't get 00:38:21.380 --> 00:38:25.550 it. We'll get to that later. Charles Amenehu, 00:38:25.630 --> 00:38:27.909 the defensive end's contract expires after the 00:38:27.909 --> 00:38:30.710 current season. Christian Fulton, the cornerback's 00:38:30.710 --> 00:38:32.349 two -year deal, is up at the end of the year. 00:38:32.429 --> 00:38:34.429 And Jalen Moore, the offensive tackle, is set 00:38:34.429 --> 00:38:37.449 to be a free agent after the season. Jalen Moore, 00:38:37.610 --> 00:38:40.300 you're going to have to sign him to... A good 00:38:40.300 --> 00:38:42.980 contract. I mean, it can't be too expensive. 00:38:43.199 --> 00:38:47.079 You need him in there for times like right now 00:38:47.079 --> 00:38:49.119 when you have three people out. I mean, gosh, 00:38:49.300 --> 00:38:52.019 I mean, Josh Simmons is out indefinitely because 00:38:52.019 --> 00:38:56.139 of his shattered wrist and dislocation. And then 00:38:56.139 --> 00:39:00.599 you have Trey Smith out. And you have Jawan Taylor. 00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:06.119 So, yeah, yeah, Jawan Taylor. I'm not even going 00:39:06.119 --> 00:39:10.539 to get in that right now. Harrison Butker, the 00:39:10.539 --> 00:39:12.920 kicker's contract, is set to expire after the 00:39:12.920 --> 00:39:16.420 2028 season. Noah Gray, the tight end's three 00:39:16.420 --> 00:39:19.260 -year deal, concludes after the 2027 season. 00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:22.900 Mike Caliendo's contract expires after the 2025 00:39:22.900 --> 00:39:29.420 season. See ya. Let's see, who else here? I think 00:39:29.420 --> 00:39:36.500 you try to retain Drew Tranquil. Christian Fulton, 00:39:36.500 --> 00:39:40.059 if you can. And like I said, Amenahu, no, let 00:39:40.059 --> 00:39:43.480 him go. He looks like he is done with. He's spent. 00:39:43.619 --> 00:39:45.380 I don't think he can do it anymore. He looks 00:39:45.380 --> 00:39:48.039 slow. He looks lethargic. You can't pay anything 00:39:48.039 --> 00:39:50.420 for him. And besides that, get somebody younger 00:39:50.420 --> 00:39:55.880 in there. And this just in. Kansas City start 00:39:55.880 --> 00:40:00.800 to December is the coldest since 2006 and the 00:40:00.800 --> 00:40:05.699 snowiest since 1964. So there you guys go. And 00:40:05.699 --> 00:40:09.659 there you thought the weather sucked. All right, 00:40:09.659 --> 00:40:11.420 bitches, I could go on, but I'm not. You know 00:40:11.420 --> 00:40:13.400 what? I've done enough today. I feel good about 00:40:13.400 --> 00:40:16.260 this. And Rob will be back here soon, hopefully, 00:40:16.340 --> 00:40:19.480 if he can ever get his Internet figured out. 00:40:19.800 --> 00:40:24.760 So I have full trust in him that by the year 00:40:24.760 --> 00:40:29.340 2070, he'll have his Internet figured out. God 00:40:29.340 --> 00:40:31.960 bless him. Hey, Al, thank you for joining me 00:40:31.960 --> 00:40:33.739 tonight. Everybody, have a great night.