Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come
on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon
and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.
If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since
you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge
out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your
hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.
I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download
every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise
to make... All friends, family members, and workmates
download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise
to grab idle computers, work computers, friends
computers, community computers, and other assorted
phones and listening devices and download the
show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will
download the show and constantly barrage everyone
with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and
scream the show's name from my front yard. And
finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,
you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,
Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you
go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's
a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two
Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind
our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume
we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.
Not like all those other guys. We can and will
lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags
and a microphone. Hey there, slap nuts. It's
time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little
pumpkin seeds, this is Johnny Rohypnall with
your music news. Hey, kiddos, I have a regional
concert update. This will be featuring primarily
Guns N' Roses and One Motley Day. August 16th,
Guns will be in St. Louis. August 19th, in Kansas
City, Missouri, or also Riverside, Missouri,
whichever one you want to call them, right there
on the Missouri River, all nestled, all neat
and beautiful. Brand new Morton Amphitheater.
September 9th, Dallas, Texas. September 16th,
San Antonio, Texas. And finally, September 8th,
Motley Crue, Tesla at the Morton Amphitheater.
And let's not forget Xtreme and good old Nuno
Betancourt. Spendic cells are just tripled in
Kansas City and surrounding areas. There you
go. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music
news. And remember, bar chords are bullshit.
Two douchebags and a microphone, says. You ever
dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake
up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking. Oh,
shit. What's that over there? Oh, no. It's an
island of horrible jokes. A panic -stricken man
explained to his doctor, you have to help me.
I'm shrinking. The doctor said I will. You have
to be a little patient. strange, but true. The
ancient Chinese practiced what is called foot
binding. A practice which the feet of young girls
were broken and tightly bound to alter the shape
and size of their feet. Small feet were considered
more attractive in China at that time. You watch
the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the
post -apocalypse. Post -apocalypse protein might
be hard to come by. The animals could be contaminated
or scarce, if any at all. This is where protein
powder is essential in a post -apocalypse survival.
The powder is easy to keep and does not require
refrigeration. Sir, I see your qualifications
here. May I ask some further questions that could
help me determine your employment eligibility?
Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,
we have a large population of different ethnic
backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by
chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why
you need that kind of information, but, well,
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered
it experimental. Strange, but true. Family Guy
creator Seth MacFarlane missed American Airlines
flight 11 on September 11, 2001 due to a hangover.
He later found out when he woke up that the plane
was hijacked and crashed. This is Two Douchebags
and Microphone operating on my part from Kansas
City, Missouri. The southern tip, the extreme
southern tip of the Kansas City metro area. A
very chilly late November night. Actually, the
last day of November of this year. And the temperature
is about, I think, the last time I looked, about
15 degrees. That's cold enough for me. Oh, oh,
oh, yeah, yeah. And also, I am at the Talk is
Cheap studio. And I am Rob from Wheatland, Missouri,
home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and
the mobile duck wine studio. Again? For now.
Well, Rob, you got anything? Go ahead. I'm sorry.
Go ahead. Go ahead with what you're saying. What
were you going to say? Rob, you got anything
to report to us? Yes, I do. Well, go forth, please.
Three o 'clock, Friday the 28th, Prentice and
I got married. Good deal. So, yeah. So, there
you go, ladies. I told you. I told you, ladies,
you had to grab him up. But, nope, he's gone.
That's it. Off the market. You waited too long.
And just saying. Just saying. I would not want
to fight this one. No, she ain't giving up. Mr.
Rad, she's not giving up Mr. Rad. That's for
sure. She'll fight you. She'll fight you for
them, and you'll lose. So, let's see. So anyhow,
I'm glad everything went well. Anyhow, let me
find my stuff here. Sorry, I got all interested
in your stuff, and I can't find my stuff. Hang
on. All right, found my stuff after a brief pause
there. So if you heard something, that was me
pausing because I did not have my shit together.
Imagine that. I know. I know. Everyone's like,
what? Mark doesn't have his shit together. Yep.
Happens every now and then. So, all right. Just
so everybody knows, I don't eat or I just got
back two hours ago from Branson. It's a two -hour
trip. I don't have an excuse. Well, I do. I was
on my honeymoon. Yep. But guess what? I'm here.
And she totally understands. Very cool. Very
nice woman. Excellent woman. That's great. I
would like to wish all of us here at the Douchebags
would like to wish a very happy birthday, a belated
birthday, to the Chiefs offensive tackle, Jawan
Taylor. He went to blow out the candles but got
a false start. He had to move back five yards,
and he missed the candles completely. Isn't that
horrible? Yeah. Jawan being Jawan. So, all right.
So I've got to go into this because if anyone
who listened to the start of the Sports Bastards,
they got to hear what is hopefully going to be
a regular segment on this show or shows. This
would be stories from the homeless. The three
guys traveling by are promising to come back,
but I have to run the show through a voice machine
to disguise their voice, especially this particular
one guy. He has some stuff that he wants to talk
about that goes on at some of these shelters.
that is not good, very bad stuff, if what he's
saying is correct. And like I said, when we start
the show, I'm going to preempt it and go, hey,
you know what? We don't know if this is true
or not. We're not mentioning names, but here
is what this man says happened. You can believe
it, you can not believe it, or you can just sit
there and go, okay, well, maybe. No, I have two.
I have two. And not only do I think they're going
to be entertaining, but I also think that they
have a lot of information that might be important
to people listening. Maybe something can get
done about it if it's true, but I don't know
why they would lie about it. Okay. And also,
we're going to have Ramon on the show next week,
next Tuesday at about 1030. So he texted me back
a little bit ago, and he said, I'm going to be
there. So Ramon is the gentleman that was in
drug cartels. He was in high corporate office
jobs and also high corporate crime. You're talking
a .m., right? Yes, a .m., not at night. Okay,
okay. He promises me stories that are unbelievable.
So I said, sure. We're going to roll out the
carpet to the gentleman, probably buy him a BLT
or something from the city market and a coffee
and say, start talking, buddy. Start talking.
So that ought to be pretty good. So Romero is
coming on the show next Tuesday. And you will,
I'll tell you what, if it's that good, you're
going to hear it Tuesday afternoon when I get
home. So we'll see. Okay. And then if the homeless
guys come back, we're going to have a huge gathering
of homeless people. Not just homeless people,
but interesting people. So that ought to be good.
So we hope that everybody had a fantastic Thanksgiving
with family and friends. I did. Everything was
great. So after that, on Black Friday, coming
home. I went by the McDonald's just up the street
here, and they said, I looked on the McRib locator,
right? And I was like, you know what? I always
just got to get one. All right. So I was going
to go get a McRib, right? But no, the McRib locator
is completely wrong. And I told them, I said,
yeah. I go, I saw it online. They go, oh, let
me guess. The rib locator? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
We had, you're about the hundredth person to
come by and get it. We don't have them. We're
not going to get them in. We're not a store that
has them. I'm like, okay. So I'm done with that.
I think my McRib quest for this year is over.
But I got to thinking, all right, Rob, now hear
me on this and you tell me what you think. The
McRib is a deadbeat dad of the fast food world.
It only comes around once a year, and we're supposed
to act like we're excited. Is that about right?
Yeah, that's true. It's not only the Deadbeat
Dad, it's also the Santa Claus of the fast food
world. So, yeah. Oh, yeah, yep, yep. I think
they cloned him like... I think they've been...
I think I've been cloned like Tom Brady's dog.
Did you ever see that? Tom Brady owns stock.
Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In some
sort of a cloning company. And reportedly, if
it's true, he had his dog cloned. Which I have
nothing against, man. I love my animals. It'd
be great to have them over again. Oh, yeah. So,
yeah. I don't know if that's true or not. I'd
rather the boss be somebody else than pay an
ass. Yeah. clone them and give them away right
here you go all right okay so now all the forecasters
seem to be on the same page already cold air
and plenty of snow possibly two to four inches
what they settled on now so we'll see if it happens
in the morning it's supposed to start they even
mentioned the one word i never want to hear and
that would be ice and i'm not talking about agents
i'm talking about ice you know like uh coming
from the sky um so um What I did was, if it rained
7 inches, or if it snowed 7 inches or over, Rob,
I volunteered you to do snow angels in a loincloth.
Is that cool? That's cool, because I'll have
to take a break from driving to work. I'm driving
45 minutes. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. You're
in Wheatland now. Yeah, I'll be in four -wheel
drive if shit starts coming down. Yeah, you'll
have to be. Yeah, the road's there. Not very
forgiving, that's for sure. Yeah, yep. The penny
has been deleted from the U .S. currency. Now
listen to this. This is kind of mind -boggling,
but it's true. The U .S. currency, the penny,
has witnessed the first U .S. president. The
penny has witnessed the Civil War. The penny
has witnessed the Great Depression. The penny
has witnessed 9 -11. After 233 years on this
planet, It's going to vanish at the end of this
year, but it has never witnessed a Buffalo Bills
Super Bowl win. Exactly. So, there you go on
that one. Just saying. Yeah, just saying. Just
saying. Just saying. That's all. So, I got a
theory, Rob, while we're on football, okay? So,
hang with me again. I got all this weird shit
going on today. I apologize, but, you know, I
had all this stuff pent up. All right. Last year
we had an EFU tornado. The U stands for unknown
because it didn't do enough damage so they could
measure the wind speeds. So it's known as an
EFU, which I had no idea that they existed. But
this was an EFU. Yeah, I never knew that either.
It's an EFU tornado. It hit the Truman Sports
Complex, right? And for those who don't know,
this is the home of the Royals and the Chiefs.
Both stadiums are right there at Truman Sports
Complex. This was fairly early in the spring,
so right after the Royals lost three -quarters
of their starting rotation to injury of their
pitchers, this helped the Royals miss the playoffs
this year. Now, let's go to the Chiefs. Looks
like about the same. About a 500 team. The Royals
finish 500, and the Chiefs are 6 -6. Both of
them are 500. So I think that the Truman Sports
Complex is cursed, and it needs an exorcism.
What do you think? I think Derek Thomas is not
like himself. You see, I was going with the EFU
tornado. You know, it started then, and then
the Royals lost to... All right, you know, Derek
Thomas did get a lot of people back for mouthing
off at Arrowhead. Well, I mean, his public funeral
was there. They had him there on the goal line,
which I found extremely odd. And it was an open
casket, if I remember correctly. I'm like, wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He supported the teams, yeah.
He supported Kansas sports, yes. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it was hard not to love the guy. He had
a lot going on. DT number 58. As a matter of
fact, my code at work at the time was they gave
me 58 -58, and my boss at the time, he goes,
do you think you remember that? And I go, fuck
yeah, Derek Thomas twice. He shook his head and
walked off. Those fucking sports fans. He walked
off shaking his head. So, as I go on here. Excuse
me there. Now all that leftover green bean casserole
has a purpose, Rob. Thanksgiving scraps can be
processed into jet fuel. How about that, huh?
That cranberry and the leftover pieces of ham
and turkey and lettuce and, I don't know, a couple
of little blotches of mashed potatoes, maybe
a little mac and cheese. A new process uses food
waste combined with manure and sewage sludge
that has fermented bacteria breakdown. And it
turns it into an oxygen -free environment, turning
it into a liquid. containing volatile fatty acids
i hope i described that correctly because this
was kind of i took a huge paragraph and shoved
it into a couple of sentences so i apologize
if that wasn't quite correct but basically what
they're saying is is this turns this into volatile
fatty acids which can be used in turn to be made
into jet fuel the liquid is processed to create
a paraffin hydrocarbons, a component similar
to jet fuel, which can be mixed with jet fuel
to use for aircrafts. Researchers have partnered
up with airlines to continue to be more efficient
in making this. I have a feeling it's going to
be like everything else, Rob. They can do the
process, but it's going to cost too much to be
efficient, probably. I mean, all that stuff seems
to be like that, right? Like the corn into fuel
and all that. It's like, yeah, we can do it,
but it's going to raise your gas prices by triple.
So everyone's like, okay, I don't want to do
that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they put in about 10
% regularly, and, you know, so I guess they're
stretching out the oil. I don't know. So I look
at that as probably the same. It costs too much
to process it and harness it, even though it
is just waste that they can use. They're probably
not going to use it because I would bet anything
that the process is way too expensive for them
to sell it at a competitive price. But I don't
know yet. We'll see. So I was trying to design
a new AI logo. And with the AI logo, I was trying
to, you know how I mimic the KY -102 old ID,
station ID, where he goes, rocking the heartland,
KY -102, we rock Kansas City, right? And I did
the two douchebags microphone, we talk Kansas
City. Well, I was trying to. I was coming up
with different logos and I was looking at different
famed radio stations. And KY was the first on
my list, of course, because we're both huge KY
fans growing up, right? KY1 and 2. And I was
trying to do a logo that would be similar to
the KY logo, right? Well, AI failed miserably
on that and so did I. We can't seem to figure
it out. But I said something about it being a
joke. I said, man, this logo is a fucking joke.
So give me a bunch of jokes. Hey, I did. Okay.
Do you want to hear some of them, Rob? Sure.
Yeah. I literally, I go, this logo is a fucking
joke. And all of a sudden it goes, here is a
list of jokes. And then I got to read them. I'm
like, oh, I got to tell these. So, okay. The
first joke that it gave me was, I told my suitcases
we were not going on vacation this year. It was
emotional baggage. Yeah, I heard crickets too.
My neighbor said his house was haunted by a ghost
with seasonal allergies. He said it kept hearing
ah, boo. It's so bad I chuckle. Anyhow, I don't
want to go on because, believe me, man, people
will be slamming this podcast down in disgust
if I gave all of them. But I couldn't believe
it. It gave me like 100 jokes like that, and
I'm like, what? This is what AI thinks funny,
Rob. So, anyhow. That's why we don't like AI.
Yes, and a lot of other reasons. Okay, so they
do help me with logos, though. I mean, like the
crappy podcast logo. Remember, we did National
Crappy Podcast Day on my birthday. It was submitted,
but they will not let us. They will not use the
word douchebag, so we can't be credited. So it's
like, okay, it's kind of bittersweet. We did
it, but it doesn't mean anything. So anyhow.
Yeah. Okay. Awesome. I just haven't had time
yet. So, yeah, it's going to be funny because
of the douchebag name. Yeah, you gave me a little
insight on that. I can't wait. Yeah, I told you
the insight. That's funny. About like when we
used to have our sign down at the city market,
two douchebags and microphone. Yeah, you get
looked. You get looked. People, they either crack
up or scoff. There was nobody just walking by
going, oh, okay. They either go, or they go,
oh. I love it. Cool. We were represented well
in Branson, so. Okay. Awesome. And they wore
the douchebag shirts, so. We were represented
really heavily in Branson. I have not had a chance
in a few days now to look at rss .com to see
if we have numbers from Branson coming in. But
that doesn't mean anything because people in
Branson are from everywhere. Actually, I talked
to a couple guys last night. They found us. That's
part of my Branson recap. We will do that next
time. And also, Branson is any touristy area.
Most of the people there are not from there.
So, you know, we could get them all over. So,
that's good. I'm glad you did that, and thank
you for representing, Rob. That's awesome. Actually,
I've talked to three different guys, and they
all work there. Oh, they are? Even better. I'd
love to get a huge presence in Branson's. You
know, maybe we could get some fucking free rentals
there or something. They go up there and go,
hey, hey, we're the Deuce Bags. Hey, all right,
come on over, man. So, anyhow. So, I have a new
project here real quick. Okay, and then we'll
get into some of your stuff, Rob. For all Chiefs
fans, you go to the top two haters of the Chiefs,
Skippy Bayless or Balless, Skip Tart Balless,
and Craig Carton. He has a very small show on
Twitter. He's an idiot. He's horrible at it.
He's not very good. All this is my opinion. He's
horrible at it. He does a horrible show. And
his gimmick is to hate on the Chiefs. So what
I do is I barrage them with insults. And I've
been warned, I've been threatened for them to
kick me off, but they haven't done it yet. And
I really don't give a shit because I hate both
of them. I cannot stand little Skippard, and
I cannot stand Craig Carton. He's a big fat piece
of shit, in my opinion. So I just do things like
this. Everything he says, as soon as I see him
say it, if I'm around a computer or my phone,
I put no more on. Every time. Every time he says
something. And then if he responds, especially
Craig Carton, Skip Tart, he rarely responds.
But every now and then you'll get something out
of him. But usually he doesn't. So Craig Carton,
it's a stupid name too. Stupid name for a stupid
person. So I'll sit there and every time he puts
something down, I'll put no more on and put a
little arrow up. that points toward towards his
face on Twitter on his little logo there. And
then after that, if, if he mentioned something,
I'll start doing your mama jokes. So, um, and
then I'll repost a really bad picture of him
walking through a hallway or something where
he looks all bloated and fat, which he is in
my opinion. And I'll, I'll post that on there
too. And then they'll take that down immediately
because he doesn't want that big bloated piece
of shit. photo on there so anyhow it's fun i
just i just pick it apart and in their appearance
i make little jabs at them and then uh and then
i'll say something like um i heard that uh little
skippy was caught with a dak prescott pick um
in his can there's plenty of room and i'll put
allegedly and all that stuff you know and i know
it has to piss them off because they have to
read it because i try to get it right off to
where it's one of the first comments and i've
just been blistering them with all this shit
and the funny thing is i don't care if i get
kicked off of their little fucking goofy side
or not it's just fun to screw with them and i
don't really care what they think either it's
just fun to give them shit back And it's funny
because I want to see how far I can screw with
them until they finally get crazed and just like
either go off on me or block me or both. But
I'm going to let you know. And I encourage every
Kansas City Chiefs fan to get on there and fuck
with them relentlessly. Over and over and over.
Badger them. Completely badger them and disrupt
them constantly. Constantly harass them. Screw
with them. Mess with them. Because they're idiots.
And I'm tired of them. And I want to just start
doing the same thing back to them. Every stupid
thing they say, you come back with something
yourself. And it's not stupid because they are
a couple of morons, in my opinion. All right,
Rob. I am done with my little spiel. Go forth.
Let's hear what you got. Oh, I got some Thanksgiving
news. Oh, hell yeah. Gobble, gobble. Yeah. Sean
Diddy Combs. When I say Sean Combs, I'm saying
Diddy so everybody knows who he is. Yep, good
idea. Mm hmm. Cool Wow, okay Okay. That was a
unique story. I'd never seen anything about that
at all. All I knew was, like, he was in jail
awaiting his sentencing, pretty much. Okay, thank
you. So he got together with this internal organization,
and they put him together. All right, that's
cool. That's pretty cool. That is pretty cool.
All right. do you want to go ahead and take our
first break? And then, uh, I got a few emails.
Uh, shit. Did I jot it? Did I print them? Oh,
go ahead. What? Okay. Oh, I did. Okay. Good,
good, good. I got them. Okay. Uh, like I said,
I have no, um, oh shit. Um, I have no, uh, reason
to be unprepared. So, um, but I am. And one more
thing I got to say here. Um, have you ever heard
of this? Chief's derangement syndrome? No. Okay.
Well, I think that'd be a good thing for the
new guy to report on. What do you think? Sounds
excellent. He's been nice lately. He has not
been motherfucking us. Have you noticed? Yeah.
Okay. All right. Hey, new guy, what is Chief's
derangement syndrome? And we'll be right back
after that and a couple other things. Hello.
This is a new guy. My understanding is these
two dimwits want me to explain something else
that their fingers are broken. They can't Google
it themselves. Anyhow, here we go. Chief's derangement
syndrome, I believe, is what they were wanting
me to explain. Chiefs derangement syndrome is
a term used to describe an irrational and obsessive
hatred or intense dislike of the Kansas City
Chiefs, often fueled by team success and prominent
players like Patrick Mahomes. It is not a real
medical diagnosis, but a social commentary on
the extreme reactions that some fans have towards
the Chiefs, including conspiracy theories about
officiating, criticism of players, and unwillingness
to acknowledge the team's merit. So, there you
guys go. Now leave me the fuck alone. And now,
Deep Thoughts with Mark. Hmm. If I was to speak
into a megaphone backwards, would it then sound
like a whisper? Hmm. I may never know. Ah! Tomorrow
morning, while grinding your coffee beans for
your double mocha latte, remember to not get
your genitals caught in the grinder. It really
hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe,
everyone. Hello, this is Phineas J. Altaris III.
I'm here to deliver your music news this evening.
Toto Steve Lukather said that Michael Jackson's
Beat It was almost ruined by Eddie Van Halen.
Steve Lukather has explained that the issue wasn't
Eddie Van Halen's solo itself, but that Eddie
and his engineer, Don Landy, edited the master
tape and messed up the time code, which was crucial
for syncing other tracks. This forced Lukather
and drummer Jeff Porcano to meticulously recreate
the song's backing tracks from scratch, using
the faint bleed of the drums in Michael Jackson's
vocal track and re -establishing the rhythm.
This is Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been
your music news for this evening. I have one
burning question for you all. Do people really
skip around the Maypole? These guys are inviting
as a used hypodermic needle. And now we look
in on the adventures of the technical explanation
guy. Why, excuse me, my dear chap. Could you
please pass the sodium chloride? Do you mean
the salt? Why, yes. Yes, I do. Then just say
the salt, you dumb motherfucker. Hi there. This
is your ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?
I thought we were friends. This is Joshua Belmont,
your food for thought man on the hustle. Today,
we need to focus on the genius Franklin Harris
for inventing the jukebox override. Some dumbass
puts down a hundred on the Melvins to last all
night. No worry, thanks to Mr. Harris. Just put
in a buck a song to override shitty music and
you can be the hero. Mr. Harris. Not many stop
to admire your fine work, but we do here at Two
Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank you, Mr. Harris,
for being a patriotic, great human being. Two
Douchebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark here in
the Kansas City area at the Stream Southern Tip,
like I mentioned earlier, at the Talk is Cheap
studio, getting ready to be a Christmassy white
blanket, supposedly, according to the weathermen,
and very chilly. And I am Rob from Wheatland,
Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway.
And that's about it. All right. From the mobile
duck blind studio. All right. I love the way
you did that. And that's about it. Nothing else
of note, huh? That's it. And everybody around
here, if they listen, yeah, they'll agree. They
like it that way. And you could always say, like,
spitting distance from the beautiful Pumdy Tar
Lake or something like that, too. Yeah, you can
always add a little jazz shit like that. I don't
know. All right. Yep. Okay. All right. You know
what? I'm going to do... Okay. I'll go ahead
and do the long one first. This should be a featured
email, but I don't have them in order. Like I
said, I don't have an excuse for not being prepared.
I'm just not. So, hey, Mark, can you find the...
Where are they going to put it into, you know?
Yeah. All right. Hey, Mark, can you find the
review of the vanilla bean scones in Delaware,
I believe? He is right. It is Delaware. But it
wasn't my favorite. My favorite I'll get to after
I give this review that this person wants. And
I decided, I'm getting so many emails about the
food dude reviews that I used to do, that I'm
going to do a show. On nothing but them. I'm
going to go through my transcripts and do every
one of them. Doesn't that sound about right?
Does that sound good? Yeah. Yeah, and then anyone
can go to it and go, oh, this is the food dude
stuff, even though he's no longer on Instagram
for whatever reason. So, okay, the one at the
time was Lettuce Italian Coffee and Pastries
in Dover, Delaware. It was actually a vanilla
bean blueberry scone. The espresso shot with
the scone was insanely good. I was told to come
back for lunch and try the basil, feta, garlic,
and chicken wrap. And I was not sorry, I did.
I went back, they had Delmonico style potatoes.
That was outstanding. And you don't see Delmonico
style potatoes very much anymore. They used to
do them a lot more. But they're Italian seasoned
and they're baked. They're really good. So, anyhow.
It was outstanding. But, all right. My favorite
scone was actually an almond scone I got from
Orpheus Greek Pastries and Coffees. This was
a place in Greektown in downtown Manhattan, New
York. I was in Brooklyn helping put some railings
in a school. I'm headed out. We got done early,
so I had all day. My cousin Tasso, he saw that
I was in Manhattan. I posted there from Orpheus,
and he sent me a message. He told me that there
was the annual Greek parade was happening in
Greektown, and I need to go show them some love.
So I went, and it was a clusterfuck because there
isn't any parking. Anyhow, I went back to, after
I figured out there wasn't any parking, I went
back to the hotel, parked a rental. Or actually,
no, no, no. I went to the job site. The hotel
was too far away. I went to the job site and
I took the rental there. And I parked it there
for the time being. And I took a subway to Greektown.
I get there and I ask an old yaya, which is grandma
in English, where to get the best coffee and
pastry. She sent me to Orpha's. to get the almond
scone and a couple of spinach pies, also known
as spanakopita. I get there and walk in, and
I say, I'm here for the almond scones. So the
guy goes back, and he goes, hey, Dino's son is
here. And I'm like looking around going, okay,
who's Dino's son? And the guy comes out with
three boxes of almond scones, and he gives them
to me. And I lure them. I go, hey. I'm not, I'm
not this guy. I go, and I thought I was going
to have to pay for him too. You know, I'm like,
I don't want three dozen scone and I don't want
to pay. I don't know how much for him, a hundred
bucks or more or whatever. Right. But no, evidently
they were free to this Dino's son's guy. Right.
That they thought I was for some reason. So I
go, I go, I'm not Dino's son. And the older guy,
he said, oh, you look exactly the same Costas.
And I'm like, what? And I thought they were playing
a joke on me. I'm like, okay. So another guy
said, yeah, you're still a trickster, aren't
you? And I tried to explain to him that I was
not this guy Dino's son. And these were not my
scones, right? I still thought I was going to
have to pay for them. But I didn't want to take
them for free either, you know. So I was kind
of in a spot. The man said, give these to the
family with our love. And I was tired of trying
to explain to them. So I just left with three
dozen almond scones. They were delicious, and
I gave a bunch of them out. And that night I
went to Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza, which is
down right below from our hotel. And that's a
pizza chain. I wish it would come to the Midwest.
I had Coal Fired Pizza, and I had... Vanilla
Bean Scones. It is excellent. But that was my
favorite, is that Orpah's, and like I said, I
got them for free, and I really, really tried
to get out of it. I tried to let them know that
I was not this Dino guy's son, but they wouldn't
take no for an answer, so I took them. I was
like, all right, man, I guess they're mine then.
So, all right. Let's see. I've got more here.
Where the hell is it? Okay. Rob. I'm a huge fan
of yours, and even more now, that you live next
to a racetrack. I am jealous, and maybe you could
do a show from there. Rossington, the over -the
-road guy. And this is Ross, Rossington. Same
guy, right? Right, right, right, right. Yeah.
Yeah. It's loud. It rattles my windows a block
and a half away. I've been to that stadium. I've
been to that track, yes. It rattles the whole
town. It rattles... Yep. I would love to. Well,
okay, there you go, Ross or Rossington. Like
I said, I don't know if you'd be able to hear
us, honestly, it's that loud. It rattles our
house, the windows in our house, and we're a
block and a half away. Okay, so Ross or Rossington,
we'll see what we can do. Yeah, we'll see what
we can do. I want to know. Ross or Rossington,
I want to know. How come half the time it's the
same email address, so I know it's you. How come
half the time you're Ross and the other half
the time you're Rossington? Is there any rhyme
or reason? I don't care. No, I was just wondering
because sometimes he's Ross, sometimes he's Rossington.
He signs them both ways on his email, so I don't
know. Okay, all right. I guess it isn't that
important. Mark. Mahomes isn't the only quarterback
with consistency issues. Look at Josh Allen.
At least Mahomes has three rings to show for
it. Ricky in Maine. Well, I guess we got a Chiefs
fan in Maine. Awesome. I love that one. That's
good. It's true. Yeah. No, no, it is true. It
is true. Listen, love Mahomes, and I think he's
one of the greatest. He's one of the greatest.
Yeah. He's one of the greatest quarterbacks ever.
and everybody has a down year, and he's not necessarily
having a down year. I would say that the defense
and the whole team is having a down year, and
Mahomes has spots where he doesn't look that
good, but he is having a really good season.
It's just we're accustomed to Mahomes standards.
That's what it is. We're used to this high, high
level of play instead of a normal high level
of play. We're used to superhuman, but now he's
human, but it's a high level of play. But we'll
see, because I think that that guy can get out
of about anything. I mean, I think this year's
probably wasted, honestly. But you know what?
They'll be back. Not worried about it. So, all
right. Thank you, Ricky in Maine. And it's spelled
like Ricky Rocket, R -I -K -K -I. So thank you,
Ricky. You and Topher. welcome guests on the
location the city market in downtown i plan on
dropping by that's it the way this guy wrote
it thanks and this is lonnie in new hampshire
i think it said new hampshire i couldn't really
tell because like i said my printer i gotta figure
out how to I've got to figure out how to put
that new cartridge in because they don't make
the old cartridges anymore. They make a different
one, and they're kind of a bitch to put in. So
I think it's New Hampshire. So, yeah, we do.
You want to come by, we'll let anybody on. We
don't care. We don't care what you have to say.
Just email Mark beforehand and let him know when
you're on your way. Yeah, yeah. That way he'll
know to be there. Yes. And like I said, we're
usually there on Tuesdays. We usually arrive
a little bit before 10. I told Ramon to be there
about 10 .30 in case we run into any delays,
and he doesn't think like we just ditched out
on him. So I said 10 .30 Tuesday in front of
City Market Coffee. So I think it's going to
be a good show. So you'll probably hear it Tuesday
afternoon, unless it's horrible. So I doubt it,
though. The guy has some stories. He has some
stories. All right, next one. Hey, how about
a winter prediction from both douchebags, Jim
and Rich Hill? My prediction is cold. Let's hear
yours. My prediction is my long johns are already
on. Yeah, you're in your car. You're in the douchebag
mobile. The problem is it's been warm all the
way up until this point. It's not like it's crazy,
crazy cold. It's in the teens, which is manageable.
But the thing is we were in the 60s and 50s for
so long, and even 70s and 80s there before that.
It hadn't been that long. that it was warm, and
all of a sudden, when it got cold this year,
it did it overnight, and so it feels colder.
We're not used to it yet. Me and my boss were
talking about that right before it happened,
and we knew it was going to happen if they started
calling for a couple of blue chips. We said,
yeah, get ready. Yep, it's barreling in. All
right, I've got one more, and then I hope you
have some bag of garbage, right? No, I do not
have that. Okay, that's all right. Okay, I've
got one more here. Mark, can I get your meat
ravioli recipe, please? Jeannie in Oklahoma City.
Yeah, it's called Chef Boyardee. And all you
need is a microwave, a plastic bowl, a can opener,
and a fork or spoon. What you do is you open
up the can of Chef Boyardee, the chef. He is
the chef, right? He's the best chef ever, right?
Yep. Okay. Best Italian chef. Yes, absolutely.
So, yeah, all you need is one of these cans.
You can buy a big one if you're a hearty appetite.
person or you can buy a smaller one either one
you can buy like the 10 ounce or you can buy
the 22 ounce or whatever the hell it is okay
and the first thing you do is you take it to
your can opener okay so i'm being very detailed
so they don't skip anything you don't skip a
step in this right rob otherwise it doesn't come
out right right Yeah, this is detail -oriented
right here. So you grab said can of Chef Boyardee,
small or big can, whichever one you want, or
if you feed a family, maybe a couple of big cans.
You go straight to the can opener. You place
the can opener on the top of the can, and if
it's electric, you just push the button. If it's
not, you twist the dial until it opens the can.
You take the lid and you throw it away to where
your dogs or kids, if you have them around the
house, can't get into it. You throw it away in
the bottom of the trash or somewhere where they
can't get it. You make sure that that sharp little
lid is not available for anyone that doesn't
need it. And then you take the contents of the
can. You empty it out into the plastic bowl.
Okay, this is very important, Rob, right? Right?
When you empty it into the plastic bowl, make
sure you got all of the meat chunks. and the
sauce right that's the most important that's
the most important part then you gently take
the bowl of the said beautiful ravioli from the
chef you put it in your microwave and usually
most microwaves it takes about two minutes you
look in and if it's bubbling on the top a little
bit it's ready you take it out you don't scarf
it right away you let that cool okay you let
it cool a little bit And there you go. You can
throw a little oregano on it. You can throw some
Parmesan cheese. You can put whatever else, whatever
you want on it, whatever toppings you want. You
can put cheddar if you want, even though that's
sacrilegious. So there you go, Jeannie. I wish
you luck. If you have any problems at all, email
me and I'll walk you through it. Is that good,
Rob? I would agree, but I wanted to give a couple
of choices there. Oh, I just saw this little
memo I put down. I'm sorry. Like I said, I'm
disorganized. This is completely different than
Chef Boyardee. I'm the one three hours off my
honeymoon. I know. I should be the one prepared.
What is the name? What is that Ridgewood Amphitheater?
It's the one that the Bass Pro Shop guy owns.
It is down there at Dogwood Canyon, south of
Branson. Thunder Ridge, I think is the name of
it. Thunder Ridge, yes. Thunder Ridge this summer.
Actually, it's going to be kind of fall in September
of next year. Guns N' Roses is coming by there.
And they're coming by Kansas City, too. But I'd
love to go down there and spend a couple days
in Eureka Springs and go to that show. You know
what? Springfield is not an hour from me. It's
not that far? Yeah, I'm just north. You're about
an hour and 40 minutes from the amphitheater.
Maybe we should all try to make it there. You
know what? For instance, I could possibly talk
her into it. Okay. Hey, how about doing a podcast
from there? Well, no, they wouldn't allow that.
Let's talk about it later. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, Rob, let's go to you. If nothing else,
we can meet up, man. Have a good night. Yeah,
and I probably couldn't be able to put the computer
there and all that. You know, they frisk you
really good and all that stuff. Honestly, I don't
know if I would trust the crazies around the
equipment. Yeah, you know what? Okay. We'll have
the equipment with us, and we'll do the podcast
from somewhere else. We'll give them our own
report. Yeah, yeah. We'll go to a different location
to do the podcast. So, okay. Yeah. Okay, all
right. Rob, let's go to you. You got something?
Yeah, I do. All right, cool. Did you watch Macy's
Day Parade? No. Yeah, I did. The only thing I
do is ensure I didn't get time. Okay. Top the
upside down invasion Stranger Things split. Okay.
Yeah, I didn't know what that was until I seen
it. That's funny you say that. That's funny you
say that because I have a music news with that
on there. Yeah. Anyhow, go ahead. No, no, no.
I was just saying that it's cool that we got
the same story because I have a little music
news snippet that I've already did about it.
And anyhow, mine's a little bit different than
that, but I love it. So, all right. Thank you.
Okay. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah.
I think I will, too. I know Netflix crashed Thanksgiving
Day because everyone was trying to watch the
new and last season of Stranger Things, and they
all decided to do it not the night before Thanksgiving
when it was released. They tried to do it on
Thanksgiving, probably eating turkey and stuff,
right? And they crashed Netflix site again, so
I thought that was all right. Yeah, see, I...
It cut out. Sorry, go ahead. Oh, yeah, it's probably
my reception. Okay. Thank you. Is that it, Rob?
Yeah, that was it. Okay. You want to take our
second break, and we'll come back with some more
garbage? Yeah. All right. What did you say? It
cut out again. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's what I'm
saying. We're going to have to push it because
my receptors are getting slim. Okay, what time
is it now? I'm having a hard time pulling up.
Yeah. Okay, okay. Alright, let's take our second...
Oh, go ahead. What? Go to break and we'll talk.
Okay, that sounds good. We'll be right back.
Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard. It's
also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen.
But Mark would like to tell you, if you see any
pictures of him roofing ibuprofen, it's obviously
fake, and you're to take the pictures and tear
them up immediately. And now, Deep Thoughts with
Mark. Math class is the only place where you
can buy 60 cantaloupe and 50 watermelon and nobody
seems to give a shit. Hey there, slap nuts. It's
time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little
pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your
music news. During an appearance on July 8th
episode of SiriusXM's Trunk Nation. Tony Omi
spoke about some of his upcoming music -related
projects, including a full -length collection
of new material from legendary Black Sabbath
guitarist. Tony said, as transcribed by Blabbermouth
.net, Well, at the moment, I was doing my own
album until Back to the Beginning event came
up. And then, of course, I had to stop and concentrate
on preparing for the Sabbath performance. But
I'm continuing next week to try to finish off
what I started with this album. And then who
knows what I'm going to do. It's great, really.
Because if something pops up... I'll do it if
I want to do it. Asked if his upcoming album
is a Tony Iommi solo record with guests on it,
like he's done before with the legendary 2000s
Iommi, the guitarist responded, At the moment,
no. I've got one singer on it, which I originally
thought of different singers, but it started
off as it was going to be an instrumental album,
and it's gone from that into a full -fledged
Tony Iommi project. But then I thought, oh, wait,
I want to try it with a singer. So that's what
I've been doing. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That
was your music news, and remember, bar chords
are bullshit. Hey, dickhead, no one gives an
ounce of shit what you had for breakfast. Not
even the person on the other end. You look like
a mentally slow driv yelling into thin air all
through the store. I pray that Bluetooth shorts
you out and blows up your eardrums. One men consider
self -centered dunce. Monty constantly coddled
this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look back
home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably forgot
the theme because you're too busy looking in
the mirror all day. Fuck off. People often ask,
how do we cram so much funny into one little
show? Well, it's simple. We buy funny in bulk
on the Internet. Hey, Mark, you're wanted at
the front door. There's a big bag of funny they
need you to sign for. Okay, thanks a lot. I'll
be right there. I'm still sorting out the funny
we got from yesterday. There's your answer. We
buy funny in bulk on the Internet. Rob Rad, a
man extraordinaire. Rob consumed small doses
of radiation for 30 years. Rob is immune to radiation.
Watch him glow. Watch Rob Rad jump up 25 feet
and grab birds out of thin air with his mouth.
With his mouth. Rob can now be rented for children's
parties and bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come
on and rent you a Rob today. That's right. Come
by and rent Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch
Rob consume seven bottles of night cream and
still break dance and moonwalk. Watch Rob Red.
Fart down a building. Fart down a building. Rob
Red assumes no responsibility whatsoever. He
is not a babysitter and he doesn't give one house
a shit about your children. Please remember to
corral every little bastard you have. Before
Rob gets there, and Walt will not put up with
any backtalk, he will promptly get them in the
place. Rob Braddock assumes no responsibility
for anything that could be stolen from his visit.
Rob Braddock has no responsibility whatsoever
in any help him of any situation. Read a Rob
today. Well, you know, I got a neat little story
here about a little prank that me and Davey,
my friend that I refer to often, played. You
know the old Bannister Mall, remember that? Oh,
yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy, that was an area for a lot
of fucking fun. We used to get away with murder
at that place. We had done the stupidest shit.
Well, there was a security guard, a little short
little fucker, kind of a little dumpy little
guy named Sam. And he hated us longhairs. We
were in there getting all the chicks, and he
didn't fucking like it. Sam used to always try
to get me kicked out. And Davey, too, but more
me. He really hated me for some reason. So he'd
always screw with me. He got me kicked out for
about two weeks. Then we went to court and the
judge said you can't kick him out. It's a public
mall. Yeah. So anyhow, you know, one of the biggest
ways to sell a hoax is to... we found this out,
was to have a set -up guy that no one knew. Just
a guy to confirm what you're saying. Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, I did see that monkey over there.
Yeah. Last I saw him, he was on top of that building
and he was throwing shit at somebody. The random
witness you see who disappears. The random witness,
yes. Yeah. So, this guy, okay, this is Bannister
Mall, early 1980s. Me and my good buddy Davey
were hanging out. We're crazy long hairs that
the average teen would follow because we're long
hairs. We're kind of like the Pied Piper of teens.
People used to look at us and go, well, there's
the party. Let's just follow them around until
they go to it. I've done that. Yeah, they used
to do it all the time. We'd be like, where are
you guys going? Cleveland? Ohio? No, Missouri.
That guy looks like he might have beer. Yeah,
so they'd just start following us, and that's
just the way it were. And then we'd all introduce,
hey, I'm so -and -so, I'm so -and -so. We'd have
a good time, Cleveland Lake or something, slamming
beers, doing stupid shit. So Davey and I had
certain buddies that would walk up and hear the
bullshit that we're spewing and then help seal
the deal. They'd sell it completely. One guy
that walked around to help us was a punker named
Jason. Jason was really cool because he looked
like the type of guy that wouldn't like us. But
we got to talking to him and we saw eye to eye
on everything except music. Everything else we
were the same, you know. Fuck society, fuck the
average guy, fuck this, fuck that, you know.
But when it came to music, you know, we're like
fucking listening to Motley Crue and shit like
that. And he was listening to... I don't know,
the Ramones, or even deeper than that, you know,
Dead Kennedys, the Germs. Television. Yeah. Yeah,
he was a real punker, so he had... Yeah. He had
an orange mohawk. Sweet. Or black spike leather.
And Doc Martens. So, I mean, you know, you got
the guy, right? You know who I'm talking about,
so... Great guy, though. I'd love to know what
happened to him. So, Jason, if you happen to
hear this abortion, please... Oh, I guess that's
a bad word now, isn't it? Oh. This atrocity.
There we go. If you happen to hear this horrible
atrocity, then, you know, hey, send us an email.
Yeah. I forgot what the valid email is, so...
We put so many bullshit ones out there, we can't
remember our real one. I know. There is a valid
one, and I can't remember what the hell it is.
We also have an actual real phone number. Hell
if I know that one either. Yeah, so I can't even
remember the real one. There you go. Show prep.
Yeah. Here I was talking about show prep and
making a big deal out of it, and I can't even
remember our email. So, anyhow, meanwhile, there's
this one security guard named Sam that I kind
of alluded to or actually went into a little
bit. Sam was a jealous little pussy bitch. He
constantly tried to get me kicked out and barred
from the mall. And like I said earlier, he did
for a while, for a couple of weeks. And we went
to court. I got back in, which really fumed his
ass, burned his ass. Because every time I seen
him, I was like overzealous about him. Hi, Sam,
how are you? He came over for dinner tonight,
little guy. A little tiny bit of authority he
had, and it's gone. You look cute today. I beeped
his nose one time, and he came out and went unglued.
So, you know, me and Davey used to play mean
tricks on Sam constantly. Sounds like he deserved
it. Oh, he did, you know. So we quickly went
to Jason to be the casual guy walking by to sell
it. So Jason's over in the corner where the Mutant
Theater's upstairs used to be because then they
went downstairs for a while and then they disappeared.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they used to be upstairs, mid
-upstairs. So I think right across from Food
Court maybe. If I remember correctly. Well, now
in my mind I'm getting confused with Ward Parkway
because their movie theater shifted around a
bit too. Okay, well, anyhow, this is when they
were upstairs because I remember that part well
because people were coming in to go to the movies
and we're screwing with them. Yeah. So Davey
and I set this one up perfectly. We had a buddy
that he won a backstage pass to Great White.
I'll remember them. It's a video shoot, okay?
As an extra. Oh, that'd be cool. Yeah. And he
was in it. I don't know if it was once bit or
something else, but he was in it. And on the
back was stamped used. But on the front, it had
an MTV logo. It didn't have a specific band.
It didn't say Great White. It just said, Extra
for MTV Video Shoot. And I remember really well
it was green with an orange MTV on it with her
famous logo. Yeah. It was really cool looking
and it was like made with some sort of a really
thick paper and it was engraved, I guess. Oh,
yeah. Yeah, it was raised. It felt great. It
felt like the seal of something. Embossed paper.
Embossed, yeah. Raised printing. Raised printing,
whatever. Makes it a lot harder to counterfeit.
Plus it makes it look cool. So our friend agreed
to let us borrow this for a little while. We
got it back to him like we said. We didn't tear
it up or steal it or nothing. Davey started waving
the card in the air and making fun of me because
he got this and I didn't. He was like, hey, I'm
going to be on this whatever. So, we'd wait around
going, I'm going to be on the video and you're
not because you're too stupid and you couldn't
win and all this stuff, right? So, this magical
card was supposed to be a freebie to be an extra
on the set of MTV. This is what we set it up
to be, right? A list of hundreds of bands, the
secret MTV guy walking around, he was walking
around the mall and this was going to be Sam
eventually. So, the secret MTV guy that has these
free magical passes. was Sam, only he didn't
know it. So Davey's like, and I'm like, fucking
asshole. Yeah, all this stuff. So automatically,
you see people getting ready to walk in, right?
Getting ready to go to a movie, they're like,
yeah, just like magnetic, they're just staring
at us. And Davey's like, and all this stuff.
I'm like, man, that sucks, man. You get to go
and I don't. So Davey is waving this around,
making fun of me, and Jason will walk by. They
go, yeah, I fucking won one too, but I threw
it at them because there's no punk bands on it.
Fuck that. I don't want to go. So all of a sudden,
those kids are fucking coming over there. What
was this? That's so clever. Oh, yeah. We set
it up perfect. So the reason that we picked Sam
to do this on that day was because we had the
card for a couple of days. He was wearing plain
clothes. And I guess he thought he was going
to catch shoplifters or something not wearing
his little fucking bitch outfit that he normally
wore. So Jason, instead of us, goes, yeah, that
fucking little douche right there is the one.
That's the secret MTV guy. We didn't even say
it. He did it. It sold it even more. Because
all these teens are like, you know, fucking their
heads spun around and they're staring at him.
So Jason said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I bit him
on the ear to get one. So the story was this.
It's getting better and better. The more outrageous
you were, the more likely you were to get a free
pass on MTV. Yeah. So automatically, he had like
50 teens jumping in front of him, fucking biting
his ear, kicking him in the ass. One guy was
clucking like a chicken in his face. Another
guy's like, look, I'm a bird. Some guy fucking
jumped off of one side. Another guy ripped off
one of the trees and hit him with a switch. And
Sam was just fucking freaking out, man. He's
like, what the fuck? And they're like, we want
a pass. We want a pass. He's like, what pass?
This probably went on for fucking 25 minutes.
He was losing his mind. Yes, he was. He didn't
know what was going on. What planet did I wake
up on? You get 10 teens away from him, right?
And then you have 10 more teens attacking. So,
look, we leave. We let this go on and let it
go downhill. And those teams told another one,
get the pass from that fucker. He didn't give
us anything. So this just kept rolling on and
rolling on and rolling on. We come back a couple
hours later. Oh, no, I know what we did. We went
to Andy's Santa Fe and had a burrito. I remember
the Andy's. We weren't even old enough to drink,
but we still did because they never carded there.
We both had margaritas. We were fucking laughing
at our feet on the table and shit. Davey had
fucking flip -flops on, so they eventually got
mad and kicked us out because you could see his
toenails hanging out. People didn't like that.
So, anyhow, we get back in. And all of a sudden,
we see Sam coming by, all disheveled. By this
time, everything was gone. It was all said and
done. I go, hey, Sam. I go, do you want to know
where all that came from? Davey pulled out the
card and said, see this? I go, yeah, you just
been had, bitch. Oh, he was fucking furious.
He turned right back. You motherfucker. I'm going
to get you out of here. I'm going to get you
guys kicked out for good. I go, what for? I didn't
do anything against them all. We didn't get kicked
out. That was one of the best fucking breaks
we ever played. It was brilliant. And I just
thought about it the other day. I'm like, my
God. There are some other ones I've got to remember
that we did to him, too. And then I got another
one. You listen to the solo cast, right? I'm
going to tell the story about the nut buyer.
Oh, yes. Oh, gosh. Oh, no. Looks like the show's
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll
be back invading your ear holes soon.