WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. Hey there, slap nuts. It's

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time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little

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pumpkin seeds, this is Johnny Rohypnall with

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your music news. Hey, kiddos, I have a regional

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concert update. This will be featuring primarily

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Guns N' Roses and One Motley Day. August 16th,

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Guns will be in St. Louis. August 19th, in Kansas

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City, Missouri, or also Riverside, Missouri,

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whichever one you want to call them, right there

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on the Missouri River, all nestled, all neat

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and beautiful. Brand new Morton Amphitheater.

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September 9th, Dallas, Texas. September 16th,

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San Antonio, Texas. And finally, September 8th,

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Motley Crue, Tesla at the Morton Amphitheater.

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And let's not forget Xtreme and good old Nuno

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Betancourt. Spendic cells are just tripled in

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Kansas City and surrounding areas. There you

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go. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music

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news. And remember, bar chords are bullshit.

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Two douchebags and a microphone, says. You ever

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dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake

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up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking. Oh,

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shit. What's that over there? Oh, no. It's an

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island of horrible jokes. A panic -stricken man

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explained to his doctor, you have to help me.

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I'm shrinking. The doctor said I will. You have

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to be a little patient. strange, but true. The

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ancient Chinese practiced what is called foot

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binding. A practice which the feet of young girls

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were broken and tightly bound to alter the shape

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and size of their feet. Small feet were considered

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more attractive in China at that time. You watch

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the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?

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We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

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and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the

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post -apocalypse. Post -apocalypse protein might

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be hard to come by. The animals could be contaminated

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or scarce, if any at all. This is where protein

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powder is essential in a post -apocalypse survival.

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The powder is easy to keep and does not require

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refrigeration. Sir, I see your qualifications

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here. May I ask some further questions that could

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help me determine your employment eligibility?

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Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,

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we have a large population of different ethnic

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backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by

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chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why

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you need that kind of information, but, well,

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it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

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it experimental. Strange, but true. Family Guy

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creator Seth MacFarlane missed American Airlines

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flight 11 on September 11, 2001 due to a hangover.

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He later found out when he woke up that the plane

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was hijacked and crashed. This is Two Douchebags

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and Microphone operating on my part from Kansas

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City, Missouri. The southern tip, the extreme

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southern tip of the Kansas City metro area. A

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very chilly late November night. Actually, the

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last day of November of this year. And the temperature

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is about, I think, the last time I looked, about

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15 degrees. That's cold enough for me. Oh, oh,

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oh, yeah, yeah. And also, I am at the Talk is

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Cheap studio. And I am Rob from Wheatland, Missouri,

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home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway and

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the mobile duck wine studio. Again? For now.

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Well, Rob, you got anything? Go ahead. I'm sorry.

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Go ahead. Go ahead with what you're saying. What

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were you going to say? Rob, you got anything

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to report to us? Yes, I do. Well, go forth, please.

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Three o 'clock, Friday the 28th, Prentice and

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I got married. Good deal. So, yeah. So, there

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you go, ladies. I told you. I told you, ladies,

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you had to grab him up. But, nope, he's gone.

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That's it. Off the market. You waited too long.

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And just saying. Just saying. I would not want

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to fight this one. No, she ain't giving up. Mr.

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Rad, she's not giving up Mr. Rad. That's for

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sure. She'll fight you. She'll fight you for

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them, and you'll lose. So, let's see. So anyhow,

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I'm glad everything went well. Anyhow, let me

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find my stuff here. Sorry, I got all interested

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in your stuff, and I can't find my stuff. Hang

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on. All right, found my stuff after a brief pause

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there. So if you heard something, that was me

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pausing because I did not have my shit together.

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Imagine that. I know. I know. Everyone's like,

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what? Mark doesn't have his shit together. Yep.

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Happens every now and then. So, all right. Just

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so everybody knows, I don't eat or I just got

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back two hours ago from Branson. It's a two -hour

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trip. I don't have an excuse. Well, I do. I was

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on my honeymoon. Yep. But guess what? I'm here.

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And she totally understands. Very cool. Very

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nice woman. Excellent woman. That's great. I

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would like to wish all of us here at the Douchebags

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would like to wish a very happy birthday, a belated

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birthday, to the Chiefs offensive tackle, Jawan

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Taylor. He went to blow out the candles but got

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a false start. He had to move back five yards,

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and he missed the candles completely. Isn't that

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horrible? Yeah. Jawan being Jawan. So, all right.

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So I've got to go into this because if anyone

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who listened to the start of the Sports Bastards,

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they got to hear what is hopefully going to be

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a regular segment on this show or shows. This

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would be stories from the homeless. The three

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guys traveling by are promising to come back,

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but I have to run the show through a voice machine

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to disguise their voice, especially this particular

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one guy. He has some stuff that he wants to talk

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about that goes on at some of these shelters.

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that is not good, very bad stuff, if what he's

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saying is correct. And like I said, when we start

00:10:02.879 --> 00:10:06.200
the show, I'm going to preempt it and go, hey,

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you know what? We don't know if this is true

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or not. We're not mentioning names, but here

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is what this man says happened. You can believe

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it, you can not believe it, or you can just sit

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there and go, okay, well, maybe. No, I have two.

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I have two. And not only do I think they're going

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to be entertaining, but I also think that they

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have a lot of information that might be important

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to people listening. Maybe something can get

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done about it if it's true, but I don't know

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why they would lie about it. Okay. And also,

00:10:43.860 --> 00:10:48.340
we're going to have Ramon on the show next week,

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next Tuesday at about 1030. So he texted me back

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a little bit ago, and he said, I'm going to be

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there. So Ramon is the gentleman that was in

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drug cartels. He was in high corporate office

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jobs and also high corporate crime. You're talking

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a .m., right? Yes, a .m., not at night. Okay,

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okay. He promises me stories that are unbelievable.

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So I said, sure. We're going to roll out the

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carpet to the gentleman, probably buy him a BLT

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or something from the city market and a coffee

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and say, start talking, buddy. Start talking.

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So that ought to be pretty good. So Romero is

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coming on the show next Tuesday. And you will,

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I'll tell you what, if it's that good, you're

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going to hear it Tuesday afternoon when I get

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home. So we'll see. Okay. And then if the homeless

00:11:43.870 --> 00:11:45.970
guys come back, we're going to have a huge gathering

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of homeless people. Not just homeless people,

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but interesting people. So that ought to be good.

00:11:52.370 --> 00:11:56.750
So we hope that everybody had a fantastic Thanksgiving

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with family and friends. I did. Everything was

00:12:00.110 --> 00:12:04.009
great. So after that, on Black Friday, coming

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home. I went by the McDonald's just up the street

00:12:07.539 --> 00:12:11.000
here, and they said, I looked on the McRib locator,

00:12:11.019 --> 00:12:12.639
right? And I was like, you know what? I always

00:12:12.639 --> 00:12:15.019
just got to get one. All right. So I was going

00:12:15.019 --> 00:12:19.519
to go get a McRib, right? But no, the McRib locator

00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:21.899
is completely wrong. And I told them, I said,

00:12:21.980 --> 00:12:24.200
yeah. I go, I saw it online. They go, oh, let

00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:27.899
me guess. The rib locator? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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We had, you're about the hundredth person to

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come by and get it. We don't have them. We're

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not going to get them in. We're not a store that

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has them. I'm like, okay. So I'm done with that.

00:12:39.059 --> 00:12:41.720
I think my McRib quest for this year is over.

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But I got to thinking, all right, Rob, now hear

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me on this and you tell me what you think. The

00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:50.080
McRib is a deadbeat dad of the fast food world.

00:12:50.480 --> 00:12:53.120
It only comes around once a year, and we're supposed

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to act like we're excited. Is that about right?

00:13:01.309 --> 00:13:08.029
Yeah, that's true. It's not only the Deadbeat

00:13:08.029 --> 00:13:10.370
Dad, it's also the Santa Claus of the fast food

00:13:10.370 --> 00:13:26.090
world. So, yeah. Oh, yeah, yep, yep. I think

00:13:26.090 --> 00:13:28.730
they cloned him like... I think they've been...

00:13:29.100 --> 00:13:31.139
I think I've been cloned like Tom Brady's dog.

00:13:31.399 --> 00:13:34.639
Did you ever see that? Tom Brady owns stock.

00:13:34.779 --> 00:13:36.840
Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In some

00:13:36.840 --> 00:13:40.860
sort of a cloning company. And reportedly, if

00:13:40.860 --> 00:13:44.600
it's true, he had his dog cloned. Which I have

00:13:44.600 --> 00:13:46.480
nothing against, man. I love my animals. It'd

00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:49.000
be great to have them over again. Oh, yeah. So,

00:13:49.100 --> 00:13:51.639
yeah. I don't know if that's true or not. I'd

00:13:51.639 --> 00:13:53.539
rather the boss be somebody else than pay an

00:13:53.539 --> 00:13:58.940
ass. Yeah. clone them and give them away right

00:13:58.940 --> 00:14:04.460
here you go all right okay so now all the forecasters

00:14:04.460 --> 00:14:06.820
seem to be on the same page already cold air

00:14:06.820 --> 00:14:09.299
and plenty of snow possibly two to four inches

00:14:09.299 --> 00:14:12.240
what they settled on now so we'll see if it happens

00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:14.159
in the morning it's supposed to start they even

00:14:14.159 --> 00:14:16.679
mentioned the one word i never want to hear and

00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:18.539
that would be ice and i'm not talking about agents

00:14:18.539 --> 00:14:22.019
i'm talking about ice you know like uh coming

00:14:22.019 --> 00:14:28.299
from the sky um so um What I did was, if it rained

00:14:28.299 --> 00:14:31.539
7 inches, or if it snowed 7 inches or over, Rob,

00:14:31.620 --> 00:14:34.820
I volunteered you to do snow angels in a loincloth.

00:14:35.019 --> 00:14:39.759
Is that cool? That's cool, because I'll have

00:14:39.759 --> 00:14:42.740
to take a break from driving to work. I'm driving

00:14:42.740 --> 00:14:45.460
45 minutes. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. You're

00:14:45.460 --> 00:14:48.340
in Wheatland now. Yeah, I'll be in four -wheel

00:14:48.340 --> 00:14:52.220
drive if shit starts coming down. Yeah, you'll

00:14:52.220 --> 00:14:54.679
have to be. Yeah, the road's there. Not very

00:14:54.679 --> 00:15:01.720
forgiving, that's for sure. Yeah, yep. The penny

00:15:01.720 --> 00:15:04.840
has been deleted from the U .S. currency. Now

00:15:04.840 --> 00:15:07.179
listen to this. This is kind of mind -boggling,

00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:10.860
but it's true. The U .S. currency, the penny,

00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:13.860
has witnessed the first U .S. president. The

00:15:13.860 --> 00:15:17.179
penny has witnessed the Civil War. The penny

00:15:17.179 --> 00:15:20.399
has witnessed the Great Depression. The penny

00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:25.659
has witnessed 9 -11. After 233 years on this

00:15:25.659 --> 00:15:29.679
planet, It's going to vanish at the end of this

00:15:29.679 --> 00:15:32.840
year, but it has never witnessed a Buffalo Bills

00:15:32.840 --> 00:15:39.740
Super Bowl win. Exactly. So, there you go on

00:15:39.740 --> 00:15:43.279
that one. Just saying. Yeah, just saying. Just

00:15:43.279 --> 00:15:47.480
saying. Just saying. That's all. So, I got a

00:15:47.480 --> 00:15:50.580
theory, Rob, while we're on football, okay? So,

00:15:50.639 --> 00:15:52.940
hang with me again. I got all this weird shit

00:15:52.940 --> 00:15:55.000
going on today. I apologize, but, you know, I

00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:57.909
had all this stuff pent up. All right. Last year

00:15:57.909 --> 00:16:03.149
we had an EFU tornado. The U stands for unknown

00:16:03.149 --> 00:16:05.649
because it didn't do enough damage so they could

00:16:05.649 --> 00:16:08.710
measure the wind speeds. So it's known as an

00:16:08.710 --> 00:16:13.149
EFU, which I had no idea that they existed. But

00:16:13.149 --> 00:16:19.610
this was an EFU. Yeah, I never knew that either.

00:16:19.690 --> 00:16:23.620
It's an EFU tornado. It hit the Truman Sports

00:16:23.620 --> 00:16:26.360
Complex, right? And for those who don't know,

00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:28.879
this is the home of the Royals and the Chiefs.

00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:31.519
Both stadiums are right there at Truman Sports

00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:35.019
Complex. This was fairly early in the spring,

00:16:35.100 --> 00:16:37.960
so right after the Royals lost three -quarters

00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:41.320
of their starting rotation to injury of their

00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:44.039
pitchers, this helped the Royals miss the playoffs

00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:48.169
this year. Now, let's go to the Chiefs. Looks

00:16:48.169 --> 00:16:50.730
like about the same. About a 500 team. The Royals

00:16:50.730 --> 00:16:53.909
finish 500, and the Chiefs are 6 -6. Both of

00:16:53.909 --> 00:16:59.070
them are 500. So I think that the Truman Sports

00:16:59.070 --> 00:17:01.750
Complex is cursed, and it needs an exorcism.

00:17:01.750 --> 00:17:08.130
What do you think? I think Derek Thomas is not

00:17:08.130 --> 00:17:13.650
like himself. You see, I was going with the EFU

00:17:13.650 --> 00:17:15.829
tornado. You know, it started then, and then

00:17:15.829 --> 00:17:23.910
the Royals lost to... All right, you know, Derek

00:17:23.910 --> 00:17:26.529
Thomas did get a lot of people back for mouthing

00:17:26.529 --> 00:17:35.289
off at Arrowhead. Well, I mean, his public funeral

00:17:35.289 --> 00:17:38.309
was there. They had him there on the goal line,

00:17:38.450 --> 00:17:41.930
which I found extremely odd. And it was an open

00:17:41.930 --> 00:17:44.789
casket, if I remember correctly. I'm like, wow.

00:17:50.650 --> 00:17:52.609
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He supported the teams, yeah.

00:17:52.630 --> 00:17:55.349
He supported Kansas sports, yes. Yeah, yeah.

00:17:55.569 --> 00:17:58.170
I mean, it was hard not to love the guy. He had

00:17:58.170 --> 00:18:02.849
a lot going on. DT number 58. As a matter of

00:18:02.849 --> 00:18:05.829
fact, my code at work at the time was they gave

00:18:05.829 --> 00:18:08.730
me 58 -58, and my boss at the time, he goes,

00:18:08.829 --> 00:18:11.910
do you think you remember that? And I go, fuck

00:18:11.910 --> 00:18:15.009
yeah, Derek Thomas twice. He shook his head and

00:18:15.009 --> 00:18:19.680
walked off. Those fucking sports fans. He walked

00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:28.859
off shaking his head. So, as I go on here. Excuse

00:18:28.859 --> 00:18:32.259
me there. Now all that leftover green bean casserole

00:18:32.259 --> 00:18:35.819
has a purpose, Rob. Thanksgiving scraps can be

00:18:35.819 --> 00:18:38.960
processed into jet fuel. How about that, huh?

00:18:41.849 --> 00:18:44.950
That cranberry and the leftover pieces of ham

00:18:44.950 --> 00:18:48.750
and turkey and lettuce and, I don't know, a couple

00:18:48.750 --> 00:18:52.150
of little blotches of mashed potatoes, maybe

00:18:52.150 --> 00:18:56.150
a little mac and cheese. A new process uses food

00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:59.029
waste combined with manure and sewage sludge

00:18:59.029 --> 00:19:04.490
that has fermented bacteria breakdown. And it

00:19:04.490 --> 00:19:08.849
turns it into an oxygen -free environment, turning

00:19:08.849 --> 00:19:14.640
it into a liquid. containing volatile fatty acids

00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:17.180
i hope i described that correctly because this

00:19:17.180 --> 00:19:21.380
was kind of i took a huge paragraph and shoved

00:19:21.380 --> 00:19:23.599
it into a couple of sentences so i apologize

00:19:23.599 --> 00:19:25.900
if that wasn't quite correct but basically what

00:19:25.900 --> 00:19:29.440
they're saying is is this turns this into volatile

00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:34.099
fatty acids which can be used in turn to be made

00:19:34.099 --> 00:19:37.700
into jet fuel the liquid is processed to create

00:19:37.700 --> 00:19:44.099
a paraffin hydrocarbons, a component similar

00:19:44.099 --> 00:19:47.059
to jet fuel, which can be mixed with jet fuel

00:19:47.059 --> 00:19:51.559
to use for aircrafts. Researchers have partnered

00:19:51.559 --> 00:19:54.220
up with airlines to continue to be more efficient

00:19:54.220 --> 00:20:03.920
in making this. I have a feeling it's going to

00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:09.619
be like everything else, Rob. They can do the

00:20:09.619 --> 00:20:11.660
process, but it's going to cost too much to be

00:20:11.660 --> 00:20:14.740
efficient, probably. I mean, all that stuff seems

00:20:14.740 --> 00:20:16.920
to be like that, right? Like the corn into fuel

00:20:16.920 --> 00:20:19.200
and all that. It's like, yeah, we can do it,

00:20:19.240 --> 00:20:22.220
but it's going to raise your gas prices by triple.

00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:24.839
So everyone's like, okay, I don't want to do

00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:29.039
that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they put in about 10

00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:32.440
% regularly, and, you know, so I guess they're

00:20:32.440 --> 00:20:36.019
stretching out the oil. I don't know. So I look

00:20:36.019 --> 00:20:38.859
at that as probably the same. It costs too much

00:20:38.859 --> 00:20:41.559
to process it and harness it, even though it

00:20:41.559 --> 00:20:44.140
is just waste that they can use. They're probably

00:20:44.140 --> 00:20:47.099
not going to use it because I would bet anything

00:20:47.099 --> 00:20:51.079
that the process is way too expensive for them

00:20:51.079 --> 00:20:54.180
to sell it at a competitive price. But I don't

00:20:54.180 --> 00:20:57.470
know yet. We'll see. So I was trying to design

00:20:57.470 --> 00:21:02.609
a new AI logo. And with the AI logo, I was trying

00:21:02.609 --> 00:21:07.990
to, you know how I mimic the KY -102 old ID,

00:21:08.170 --> 00:21:11.730
station ID, where he goes, rocking the heartland,

00:21:11.789 --> 00:21:15.349
KY -102, we rock Kansas City, right? And I did

00:21:15.349 --> 00:21:18.230
the two douchebags microphone, we talk Kansas

00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:22.130
City. Well, I was trying to. I was coming up

00:21:22.130 --> 00:21:24.130
with different logos and I was looking at different

00:21:24.130 --> 00:21:26.970
famed radio stations. And KY was the first on

00:21:26.970 --> 00:21:29.450
my list, of course, because we're both huge KY

00:21:29.450 --> 00:21:32.849
fans growing up, right? KY1 and 2. And I was

00:21:32.849 --> 00:21:35.750
trying to do a logo that would be similar to

00:21:35.750 --> 00:21:39.329
the KY logo, right? Well, AI failed miserably

00:21:39.329 --> 00:21:42.650
on that and so did I. We can't seem to figure

00:21:42.650 --> 00:21:46.089
it out. But I said something about it being a

00:21:46.089 --> 00:21:48.769
joke. I said, man, this logo is a fucking joke.

00:21:49.480 --> 00:21:53.000
So give me a bunch of jokes. Hey, I did. Okay.

00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:57.160
Do you want to hear some of them, Rob? Sure.

00:21:57.619 --> 00:22:02.099
Yeah. I literally, I go, this logo is a fucking

00:22:02.099 --> 00:22:05.059
joke. And all of a sudden it goes, here is a

00:22:05.059 --> 00:22:08.380
list of jokes. And then I got to read them. I'm

00:22:08.380 --> 00:22:12.240
like, oh, I got to tell these. So, okay. The

00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:15.220
first joke that it gave me was, I told my suitcases

00:22:15.220 --> 00:22:18.279
we were not going on vacation this year. It was

00:22:18.279 --> 00:22:25.119
emotional baggage. Yeah, I heard crickets too.

00:22:26.059 --> 00:22:31.859
My neighbor said his house was haunted by a ghost

00:22:31.859 --> 00:22:35.160
with seasonal allergies. He said it kept hearing

00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:47.470
ah, boo. It's so bad I chuckle. Anyhow, I don't

00:22:47.470 --> 00:22:49.549
want to go on because, believe me, man, people

00:22:49.549 --> 00:22:52.109
will be slamming this podcast down in disgust

00:22:52.109 --> 00:22:54.509
if I gave all of them. But I couldn't believe

00:22:54.509 --> 00:22:56.670
it. It gave me like 100 jokes like that, and

00:22:56.670 --> 00:22:59.609
I'm like, what? This is what AI thinks funny,

00:22:59.769 --> 00:23:03.769
Rob. So, anyhow. That's why we don't like AI.

00:23:04.529 --> 00:23:08.369
Yes, and a lot of other reasons. Okay, so they

00:23:08.369 --> 00:23:10.450
do help me with logos, though. I mean, like the

00:23:10.450 --> 00:23:13.650
crappy podcast logo. Remember, we did National

00:23:13.650 --> 00:23:17.750
Crappy Podcast Day on my birthday. It was submitted,

00:23:18.009 --> 00:23:21.470
but they will not let us. They will not use the

00:23:21.470 --> 00:23:25.150
word douchebag, so we can't be credited. So it's

00:23:25.150 --> 00:23:28.089
like, okay, it's kind of bittersweet. We did

00:23:28.089 --> 00:23:30.569
it, but it doesn't mean anything. So anyhow.

00:23:31.569 --> 00:23:51.930
Yeah. Okay. Awesome. I just haven't had time

00:23:51.930 --> 00:23:56.450
yet. So, yeah, it's going to be funny because

00:23:56.450 --> 00:23:59.990
of the douchebag name. Yeah, you gave me a little

00:23:59.990 --> 00:24:02.569
insight on that. I can't wait. Yeah, I told you

00:24:02.569 --> 00:24:07.170
the insight. That's funny. About like when we

00:24:07.170 --> 00:24:09.309
used to have our sign down at the city market,

00:24:09.410 --> 00:24:12.289
two douchebags and microphone. Yeah, you get

00:24:12.289 --> 00:24:15.849
looked. You get looked. People, they either crack

00:24:15.849 --> 00:24:19.529
up or scoff. There was nobody just walking by

00:24:19.529 --> 00:24:23.430
going, oh, okay. They either go, or they go,

00:24:23.509 --> 00:24:32.009
oh. I love it. Cool. We were represented well

00:24:32.009 --> 00:24:41.450
in Branson, so. Okay. Awesome. And they wore

00:24:41.450 --> 00:24:44.920
the douchebag shirts, so. We were represented

00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:48.039
really heavily in Branson. I have not had a chance

00:24:48.039 --> 00:24:52.900
in a few days now to look at rss .com to see

00:24:52.900 --> 00:24:55.160
if we have numbers from Branson coming in. But

00:24:55.160 --> 00:24:57.200
that doesn't mean anything because people in

00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:01.680
Branson are from everywhere. Actually, I talked

00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:06.900
to a couple guys last night. They found us. That's

00:25:06.900 --> 00:25:11.279
part of my Branson recap. We will do that next

00:25:11.279 --> 00:25:14.160
time. And also, Branson is any touristy area.

00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:16.619
Most of the people there are not from there.

00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:19.559
So, you know, we could get them all over. So,

00:25:19.579 --> 00:25:21.920
that's good. I'm glad you did that, and thank

00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.940
you for representing, Rob. That's awesome. Actually,

00:25:25.339 --> 00:25:27.579
I've talked to three different guys, and they

00:25:27.579 --> 00:25:31.220
all work there. Oh, they are? Even better. I'd

00:25:31.220 --> 00:25:33.880
love to get a huge presence in Branson's. You

00:25:33.880 --> 00:25:36.559
know, maybe we could get some fucking free rentals

00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:38.880
there or something. They go up there and go,

00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:41.319
hey, hey, we're the Deuce Bags. Hey, all right,

00:25:41.400 --> 00:25:45.319
come on over, man. So, anyhow. So, I have a new

00:25:45.319 --> 00:25:47.640
project here real quick. Okay, and then we'll

00:25:47.640 --> 00:25:51.279
get into some of your stuff, Rob. For all Chiefs

00:25:51.279 --> 00:25:54.099
fans, you go to the top two haters of the Chiefs,

00:25:54.119 --> 00:25:56.980
Skippy Bayless or Balless, Skip Tart Balless,

00:25:56.980 --> 00:26:00.960
and Craig Carton. He has a very small show on

00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:04.809
Twitter. He's an idiot. He's horrible at it.

00:26:05.230 --> 00:26:07.650
He's not very good. All this is my opinion. He's

00:26:07.650 --> 00:26:10.509
horrible at it. He does a horrible show. And

00:26:10.509 --> 00:26:14.369
his gimmick is to hate on the Chiefs. So what

00:26:14.369 --> 00:26:20.089
I do is I barrage them with insults. And I've

00:26:20.089 --> 00:26:22.230
been warned, I've been threatened for them to

00:26:22.230 --> 00:26:23.869
kick me off, but they haven't done it yet. And

00:26:23.869 --> 00:26:25.970
I really don't give a shit because I hate both

00:26:25.970 --> 00:26:28.849
of them. I cannot stand little Skippard, and

00:26:28.849 --> 00:26:31.809
I cannot stand Craig Carton. He's a big fat piece

00:26:31.809 --> 00:26:35.329
of shit, in my opinion. So I just do things like

00:26:35.329 --> 00:26:37.730
this. Everything he says, as soon as I see him

00:26:37.730 --> 00:26:40.930
say it, if I'm around a computer or my phone,

00:26:41.089 --> 00:26:45.289
I put no more on. Every time. Every time he says

00:26:45.289 --> 00:26:48.680
something. And then if he responds, especially

00:26:48.680 --> 00:26:52.339
Craig Carton, Skip Tart, he rarely responds.

00:26:52.619 --> 00:26:54.680
But every now and then you'll get something out

00:26:54.680 --> 00:26:59.140
of him. But usually he doesn't. So Craig Carton,

00:26:59.160 --> 00:27:03.319
it's a stupid name too. Stupid name for a stupid

00:27:03.319 --> 00:27:07.000
person. So I'll sit there and every time he puts

00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:09.019
something down, I'll put no more on and put a

00:27:09.019 --> 00:27:11.730
little arrow up. that points toward towards his

00:27:11.730 --> 00:27:15.150
face on Twitter on his little logo there. And

00:27:15.150 --> 00:27:18.049
then after that, if, if he mentioned something,

00:27:18.089 --> 00:27:21.970
I'll start doing your mama jokes. So, um, and

00:27:21.970 --> 00:27:24.750
then I'll repost a really bad picture of him

00:27:24.750 --> 00:27:26.309
walking through a hallway or something where

00:27:26.309 --> 00:27:28.450
he looks all bloated and fat, which he is in

00:27:28.450 --> 00:27:31.329
my opinion. And I'll, I'll post that on there

00:27:31.329 --> 00:27:33.849
too. And then they'll take that down immediately

00:27:33.849 --> 00:27:36.430
because he doesn't want that big bloated piece

00:27:36.430 --> 00:27:40.539
of shit. photo on there so anyhow it's fun i

00:27:40.539 --> 00:27:44.039
just i just pick it apart and in their appearance

00:27:44.039 --> 00:27:47.279
i make little jabs at them and then uh and then

00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:50.420
i'll say something like um i heard that uh little

00:27:50.420 --> 00:27:53.480
skippy was caught with a dak prescott pick um

00:27:53.480 --> 00:27:58.529
in his can there's plenty of room and i'll put

00:27:58.529 --> 00:28:01.950
allegedly and all that stuff you know and i know

00:28:01.950 --> 00:28:04.170
it has to piss them off because they have to

00:28:04.170 --> 00:28:06.569
read it because i try to get it right off to

00:28:06.569 --> 00:28:08.690
where it's one of the first comments and i've

00:28:08.690 --> 00:28:10.930
just been blistering them with all this shit

00:28:10.930 --> 00:28:13.410
and the funny thing is i don't care if i get

00:28:13.410 --> 00:28:15.589
kicked off of their little fucking goofy side

00:28:15.589 --> 00:28:18.150
or not it's just fun to screw with them and i

00:28:18.150 --> 00:28:20.309
don't really care what they think either it's

00:28:20.309 --> 00:28:23.720
just fun to give them shit back And it's funny

00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:26.099
because I want to see how far I can screw with

00:28:26.099 --> 00:28:28.880
them until they finally get crazed and just like

00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:32.839
either go off on me or block me or both. But

00:28:32.839 --> 00:28:36.180
I'm going to let you know. And I encourage every

00:28:36.180 --> 00:28:39.839
Kansas City Chiefs fan to get on there and fuck

00:28:39.839 --> 00:28:43.160
with them relentlessly. Over and over and over.

00:28:43.460 --> 00:28:46.099
Badger them. Completely badger them and disrupt

00:28:46.099 --> 00:28:49.440
them constantly. Constantly harass them. Screw

00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:51.720
with them. Mess with them. Because they're idiots.

00:28:52.039 --> 00:28:54.519
And I'm tired of them. And I want to just start

00:28:54.519 --> 00:28:56.579
doing the same thing back to them. Every stupid

00:28:56.579 --> 00:28:58.680
thing they say, you come back with something

00:28:58.680 --> 00:29:02.700
yourself. And it's not stupid because they are

00:29:02.700 --> 00:29:05.980
a couple of morons, in my opinion. All right,

00:29:06.019 --> 00:29:10.529
Rob. I am done with my little spiel. Go forth.

00:29:10.670 --> 00:29:13.990
Let's hear what you got. Oh, I got some Thanksgiving

00:29:13.990 --> 00:29:19.390
news. Oh, hell yeah. Gobble, gobble. Yeah. Sean

00:29:19.390 --> 00:29:23.269
Diddy Combs. When I say Sean Combs, I'm saying

00:29:23.269 --> 00:29:25.670
Diddy so everybody knows who he is. Yep, good

00:29:25.670 --> 00:31:25.940
idea. Mm hmm. Cool Wow, okay Okay. That was a

00:31:25.940 --> 00:31:28.940
unique story. I'd never seen anything about that

00:31:28.940 --> 00:31:31.119
at all. All I knew was, like, he was in jail

00:31:31.119 --> 00:31:35.559
awaiting his sentencing, pretty much. Okay, thank

00:31:35.559 --> 00:31:38.299
you. So he got together with this internal organization,

00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:41.680
and they put him together. All right, that's

00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:44.240
cool. That's pretty cool. That is pretty cool.

00:31:46.799 --> 00:31:51.259
All right. do you want to go ahead and take our

00:31:51.259 --> 00:31:54.259
first break? And then, uh, I got a few emails.

00:31:54.680 --> 00:31:58.000
Uh, shit. Did I jot it? Did I print them? Oh,

00:31:58.099 --> 00:32:03.279
go ahead. What? Okay. Oh, I did. Okay. Good,

00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:05.539
good, good. I got them. Okay. Uh, like I said,

00:32:05.559 --> 00:32:12.059
I have no, um, oh shit. Um, I have no, uh, reason

00:32:12.059 --> 00:32:15.799
to be unprepared. So, um, but I am. And one more

00:32:15.799 --> 00:32:18.059
thing I got to say here. Um, have you ever heard

00:32:18.059 --> 00:32:25.140
of this? Chief's derangement syndrome? No. Okay.

00:32:25.480 --> 00:32:27.460
Well, I think that'd be a good thing for the

00:32:27.460 --> 00:32:32.140
new guy to report on. What do you think? Sounds

00:32:32.140 --> 00:32:35.039
excellent. He's been nice lately. He has not

00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:39.859
been motherfucking us. Have you noticed? Yeah.

00:32:40.859 --> 00:32:44.519
Okay. All right. Hey, new guy, what is Chief's

00:32:44.519 --> 00:32:46.599
derangement syndrome? And we'll be right back

00:32:46.599 --> 00:32:51.800
after that and a couple other things. Hello.

00:32:51.800 --> 00:32:56.500
This is a new guy. My understanding is these

00:32:56.500 --> 00:33:00.619
two dimwits want me to explain something else

00:33:00.619 --> 00:33:03.799
that their fingers are broken. They can't Google

00:33:03.799 --> 00:33:10.140
it themselves. Anyhow, here we go. Chief's derangement

00:33:10.140 --> 00:33:12.299
syndrome, I believe, is what they were wanting

00:33:12.299 --> 00:33:16.569
me to explain. Chiefs derangement syndrome is

00:33:16.569 --> 00:33:19.470
a term used to describe an irrational and obsessive

00:33:19.470 --> 00:33:22.230
hatred or intense dislike of the Kansas City

00:33:22.230 --> 00:33:25.369
Chiefs, often fueled by team success and prominent

00:33:25.369 --> 00:33:28.109
players like Patrick Mahomes. It is not a real

00:33:28.109 --> 00:33:31.269
medical diagnosis, but a social commentary on

00:33:31.269 --> 00:33:34.289
the extreme reactions that some fans have towards

00:33:34.289 --> 00:33:37.630
the Chiefs, including conspiracy theories about

00:33:37.630 --> 00:33:40.849
officiating, criticism of players, and unwillingness

00:33:40.849 --> 00:33:45.720
to acknowledge the team's merit. So, there you

00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:50.799
guys go. Now leave me the fuck alone. And now,

00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:59.059
Deep Thoughts with Mark. Hmm. If I was to speak

00:33:59.059 --> 00:34:03.160
into a megaphone backwards, would it then sound

00:34:03.160 --> 00:34:12.559
like a whisper? Hmm. I may never know. Ah! Tomorrow

00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:14.679
morning, while grinding your coffee beans for

00:34:14.679 --> 00:34:17.360
your double mocha latte, remember to not get

00:34:17.360 --> 00:34:20.219
your genitals caught in the grinder. It really

00:34:20.219 --> 00:34:24.559
hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe,

00:34:24.559 --> 00:34:28.900
everyone. Hello, this is Phineas J. Altaris III.

00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:32.380
I'm here to deliver your music news this evening.

00:34:37.070 --> 00:34:39.610
Toto Steve Lukather said that Michael Jackson's

00:34:39.610 --> 00:34:41.809
Beat It was almost ruined by Eddie Van Halen.

00:34:42.030 --> 00:34:44.429
Steve Lukather has explained that the issue wasn't

00:34:44.429 --> 00:34:46.929
Eddie Van Halen's solo itself, but that Eddie

00:34:46.929 --> 00:34:50.329
and his engineer, Don Landy, edited the master

00:34:50.329 --> 00:34:52.690
tape and messed up the time code, which was crucial

00:34:52.690 --> 00:34:55.150
for syncing other tracks. This forced Lukather

00:34:55.150 --> 00:34:58.570
and drummer Jeff Porcano to meticulously recreate

00:34:58.570 --> 00:35:01.230
the song's backing tracks from scratch, using

00:35:01.230 --> 00:35:03.570
the faint bleed of the drums in Michael Jackson's

00:35:03.570 --> 00:35:05.750
vocal track and re -establishing the rhythm.

00:35:07.239 --> 00:35:12.559
This is Phineas J. Baltar S. III. That has been

00:35:12.559 --> 00:35:15.539
your music news for this evening. I have one

00:35:15.539 --> 00:35:18.559
burning question for you all. Do people really

00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:23.619
skip around the Maypole? These guys are inviting

00:35:23.619 --> 00:35:31.460
as a used hypodermic needle. And now we look

00:35:31.460 --> 00:35:34.019
in on the adventures of the technical explanation

00:35:34.019 --> 00:35:37.690
guy. Why, excuse me, my dear chap. Could you

00:35:37.690 --> 00:35:40.969
please pass the sodium chloride? Do you mean

00:35:40.969 --> 00:35:45.909
the salt? Why, yes. Yes, I do. Then just say

00:35:45.909 --> 00:35:49.989
the salt, you dumb motherfucker. Hi there. This

00:35:49.989 --> 00:35:54.289
is your ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?

00:35:55.210 --> 00:36:37.320
I thought we were friends. This is Joshua Belmont,

00:36:37.380 --> 00:36:40.539
your food for thought man on the hustle. Today,

00:36:40.659 --> 00:36:43.519
we need to focus on the genius Franklin Harris

00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:47.300
for inventing the jukebox override. Some dumbass

00:36:47.300 --> 00:36:50.000
puts down a hundred on the Melvins to last all

00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:53.599
night. No worry, thanks to Mr. Harris. Just put

00:36:53.599 --> 00:36:56.179
in a buck a song to override shitty music and

00:36:56.179 --> 00:36:59.980
you can be the hero. Mr. Harris. Not many stop

00:36:59.980 --> 00:37:03.059
to admire your fine work, but we do here at Two

00:37:03.059 --> 00:37:05.900
Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank you, Mr. Harris,

00:37:06.059 --> 00:37:10.480
for being a patriotic, great human being. Two

00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:12.920
Douchebags and a Microphone. I'm Mark here in

00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:15.920
the Kansas City area at the Stream Southern Tip,

00:37:16.039 --> 00:37:19.280
like I mentioned earlier, at the Talk is Cheap

00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:22.340
studio, getting ready to be a Christmassy white

00:37:22.340 --> 00:37:25.659
blanket, supposedly, according to the weathermen,

00:37:25.719 --> 00:37:36.110
and very chilly. And I am Rob from Wheatland,

00:37:36.210 --> 00:37:41.570
Missouri, home of the magnificent Lucas Oil Speedway.

00:37:41.969 --> 00:37:49.610
And that's about it. All right. From the mobile

00:37:49.610 --> 00:37:54.789
duck blind studio. All right. I love the way

00:37:54.789 --> 00:38:01.429
you did that. And that's about it. Nothing else

00:38:01.429 --> 00:38:04.829
of note, huh? That's it. And everybody around

00:38:04.829 --> 00:38:11.070
here, if they listen, yeah, they'll agree. They

00:38:11.070 --> 00:38:13.849
like it that way. And you could always say, like,

00:38:13.869 --> 00:38:17.389
spitting distance from the beautiful Pumdy Tar

00:38:17.389 --> 00:38:21.670
Lake or something like that, too. Yeah, you can

00:38:21.670 --> 00:38:24.130
always add a little jazz shit like that. I don't

00:38:24.130 --> 00:38:40.199
know. All right. Yep. Okay. All right. You know

00:38:40.199 --> 00:38:44.820
what? I'm going to do... Okay. I'll go ahead

00:38:44.820 --> 00:38:47.500
and do the long one first. This should be a featured

00:38:47.500 --> 00:38:50.159
email, but I don't have them in order. Like I

00:38:50.159 --> 00:38:52.579
said, I don't have an excuse for not being prepared.

00:38:52.739 --> 00:38:55.800
I'm just not. So, hey, Mark, can you find the...

00:39:05.320 --> 00:39:07.059
Where are they going to put it into, you know?

00:39:07.300 --> 00:39:14.500
Yeah. All right. Hey, Mark, can you find the

00:39:14.500 --> 00:39:16.639
review of the vanilla bean scones in Delaware,

00:39:16.900 --> 00:39:21.480
I believe? He is right. It is Delaware. But it

00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:24.320
wasn't my favorite. My favorite I'll get to after

00:39:24.320 --> 00:39:27.480
I give this review that this person wants. And

00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:30.059
I decided, I'm getting so many emails about the

00:39:30.059 --> 00:39:33.480
food dude reviews that I used to do, that I'm

00:39:33.480 --> 00:39:36.179
going to do a show. On nothing but them. I'm

00:39:36.179 --> 00:39:37.940
going to go through my transcripts and do every

00:39:37.940 --> 00:39:39.480
one of them. Doesn't that sound about right?

00:39:39.559 --> 00:39:43.239
Does that sound good? Yeah. Yeah, and then anyone

00:39:43.239 --> 00:39:45.280
can go to it and go, oh, this is the food dude

00:39:45.280 --> 00:39:47.460
stuff, even though he's no longer on Instagram

00:39:47.460 --> 00:39:50.980
for whatever reason. So, okay, the one at the

00:39:50.980 --> 00:39:55.639
time was Lettuce Italian Coffee and Pastries

00:39:55.639 --> 00:39:59.500
in Dover, Delaware. It was actually a vanilla

00:39:59.500 --> 00:40:03.070
bean blueberry scone. The espresso shot with

00:40:03.070 --> 00:40:06.489
the scone was insanely good. I was told to come

00:40:06.489 --> 00:40:09.510
back for lunch and try the basil, feta, garlic,

00:40:09.590 --> 00:40:12.650
and chicken wrap. And I was not sorry, I did.

00:40:13.130 --> 00:40:16.489
I went back, they had Delmonico style potatoes.

00:40:17.170 --> 00:40:19.909
That was outstanding. And you don't see Delmonico

00:40:19.909 --> 00:40:22.710
style potatoes very much anymore. They used to

00:40:22.710 --> 00:40:25.030
do them a lot more. But they're Italian seasoned

00:40:25.030 --> 00:40:28.250
and they're baked. They're really good. So, anyhow.

00:40:31.369 --> 00:40:38.150
It was outstanding. But, all right. My favorite

00:40:38.150 --> 00:40:41.730
scone was actually an almond scone I got from

00:40:41.730 --> 00:40:45.050
Orpheus Greek Pastries and Coffees. This was

00:40:45.050 --> 00:40:48.449
a place in Greektown in downtown Manhattan, New

00:40:48.449 --> 00:40:54.289
York. I was in Brooklyn helping put some railings

00:40:54.289 --> 00:40:57.250
in a school. I'm headed out. We got done early,

00:40:57.349 --> 00:41:01.150
so I had all day. My cousin Tasso, he saw that

00:41:01.150 --> 00:41:03.929
I was in Manhattan. I posted there from Orpheus,

00:41:04.050 --> 00:41:06.809
and he sent me a message. He told me that there

00:41:06.809 --> 00:41:09.489
was the annual Greek parade was happening in

00:41:09.489 --> 00:41:12.250
Greektown, and I need to go show them some love.

00:41:12.510 --> 00:41:16.230
So I went, and it was a clusterfuck because there

00:41:16.230 --> 00:41:20.230
isn't any parking. Anyhow, I went back to, after

00:41:20.230 --> 00:41:23.869
I figured out there wasn't any parking, I went

00:41:23.869 --> 00:41:27.010
back to the hotel, parked a rental. Or actually,

00:41:27.090 --> 00:41:29.289
no, no, no. I went to the job site. The hotel

00:41:29.289 --> 00:41:31.969
was too far away. I went to the job site and

00:41:31.969 --> 00:41:37.750
I took the rental there. And I parked it there

00:41:37.750 --> 00:41:40.329
for the time being. And I took a subway to Greektown.

00:41:40.530 --> 00:41:43.590
I get there and I ask an old yaya, which is grandma

00:41:43.590 --> 00:41:46.710
in English, where to get the best coffee and

00:41:46.710 --> 00:41:49.980
pastry. She sent me to Orpha's. to get the almond

00:41:49.980 --> 00:41:54.400
scone and a couple of spinach pies, also known

00:41:54.400 --> 00:41:58.039
as spanakopita. I get there and walk in, and

00:41:58.039 --> 00:42:00.920
I say, I'm here for the almond scones. So the

00:42:00.920 --> 00:42:04.000
guy goes back, and he goes, hey, Dino's son is

00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:07.079
here. And I'm like looking around going, okay,

00:42:07.179 --> 00:42:09.960
who's Dino's son? And the guy comes out with

00:42:09.960 --> 00:42:12.599
three boxes of almond scones, and he gives them

00:42:12.599 --> 00:42:16.800
to me. And I lure them. I go, hey. I'm not, I'm

00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:19.639
not this guy. I go, and I thought I was going

00:42:19.639 --> 00:42:21.440
to have to pay for him too. You know, I'm like,

00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:24.440
I don't want three dozen scone and I don't want

00:42:24.440 --> 00:42:26.119
to pay. I don't know how much for him, a hundred

00:42:26.119 --> 00:42:29.559
bucks or more or whatever. Right. But no, evidently

00:42:29.559 --> 00:42:32.099
they were free to this Dino's son's guy. Right.

00:42:32.139 --> 00:42:35.860
That they thought I was for some reason. So I

00:42:35.860 --> 00:42:38.440
go, I go, I'm not Dino's son. And the older guy,

00:42:38.559 --> 00:42:42.139
he said, oh, you look exactly the same Costas.

00:42:42.199 --> 00:42:44.800
And I'm like, what? And I thought they were playing

00:42:44.800 --> 00:42:47.679
a joke on me. I'm like, okay. So another guy

00:42:47.679 --> 00:42:49.400
said, yeah, you're still a trickster, aren't

00:42:49.400 --> 00:42:52.579
you? And I tried to explain to him that I was

00:42:52.579 --> 00:42:55.360
not this guy Dino's son. And these were not my

00:42:55.360 --> 00:42:57.320
scones, right? I still thought I was going to

00:42:57.320 --> 00:42:59.400
have to pay for them. But I didn't want to take

00:42:59.400 --> 00:43:01.260
them for free either, you know. So I was kind

00:43:01.260 --> 00:43:04.260
of in a spot. The man said, give these to the

00:43:04.260 --> 00:43:07.320
family with our love. And I was tired of trying

00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:09.300
to explain to them. So I just left with three

00:43:09.300 --> 00:43:12.260
dozen almond scones. They were delicious, and

00:43:12.260 --> 00:43:14.880
I gave a bunch of them out. And that night I

00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:17.280
went to Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza, which is

00:43:17.280 --> 00:43:20.380
down right below from our hotel. And that's a

00:43:20.380 --> 00:43:22.139
pizza chain. I wish it would come to the Midwest.

00:43:22.239 --> 00:43:27.150
I had Coal Fired Pizza, and I had... Vanilla

00:43:27.150 --> 00:43:30.369
Bean Scones. It is excellent. But that was my

00:43:30.369 --> 00:43:33.469
favorite, is that Orpah's, and like I said, I

00:43:33.469 --> 00:43:35.750
got them for free, and I really, really tried

00:43:35.750 --> 00:43:37.809
to get out of it. I tried to let them know that

00:43:37.809 --> 00:43:40.429
I was not this Dino guy's son, but they wouldn't

00:43:40.429 --> 00:43:42.110
take no for an answer, so I took them. I was

00:43:42.110 --> 00:43:43.610
like, all right, man, I guess they're mine then.

00:43:44.170 --> 00:43:50.530
So, all right. Let's see. I've got more here.

00:43:51.530 --> 00:43:56.269
Where the hell is it? Okay. Rob. I'm a huge fan

00:43:56.269 --> 00:44:00.070
of yours, and even more now, that you live next

00:44:00.070 --> 00:44:07.530
to a racetrack. I am jealous, and maybe you could

00:44:07.530 --> 00:44:10.869
do a show from there. Rossington, the over -the

00:44:10.869 --> 00:44:13.309
-road guy. And this is Ross, Rossington. Same

00:44:13.309 --> 00:44:15.610
guy, right? Right, right, right, right. Yeah.

00:44:38.889 --> 00:44:42.570
Yeah. It's loud. It rattles my windows a block

00:44:42.570 --> 00:44:46.909
and a half away. I've been to that stadium. I've

00:44:46.909 --> 00:44:50.369
been to that track, yes. It rattles the whole

00:44:50.369 --> 00:45:39.889
town. It rattles... Yep. I would love to. Well,

00:45:39.989 --> 00:45:42.869
okay, there you go, Ross or Rossington. Like

00:45:42.869 --> 00:45:46.809
I said, I don't know if you'd be able to hear

00:45:46.809 --> 00:45:50.429
us, honestly, it's that loud. It rattles our

00:45:50.429 --> 00:45:53.389
house, the windows in our house, and we're a

00:45:53.389 --> 00:45:57.769
block and a half away. Okay, so Ross or Rossington,

00:45:58.110 --> 00:46:03.230
we'll see what we can do. Yeah, we'll see what

00:46:03.230 --> 00:46:11.570
we can do. I want to know. Ross or Rossington,

00:46:11.730 --> 00:46:14.690
I want to know. How come half the time it's the

00:46:14.690 --> 00:46:17.369
same email address, so I know it's you. How come

00:46:17.369 --> 00:46:19.090
half the time you're Ross and the other half

00:46:19.090 --> 00:46:21.269
the time you're Rossington? Is there any rhyme

00:46:21.269 --> 00:46:26.369
or reason? I don't care. No, I was just wondering

00:46:26.369 --> 00:46:29.409
because sometimes he's Ross, sometimes he's Rossington.

00:46:29.530 --> 00:46:34.489
He signs them both ways on his email, so I don't

00:46:34.489 --> 00:46:36.230
know. Okay, all right. I guess it isn't that

00:46:36.230 --> 00:46:40.289
important. Mark. Mahomes isn't the only quarterback

00:46:40.289 --> 00:46:43.150
with consistency issues. Look at Josh Allen.

00:46:43.329 --> 00:46:45.530
At least Mahomes has three rings to show for

00:46:45.530 --> 00:46:48.769
it. Ricky in Maine. Well, I guess we got a Chiefs

00:46:48.769 --> 00:46:52.170
fan in Maine. Awesome. I love that one. That's

00:46:52.170 --> 00:46:55.309
good. It's true. Yeah. No, no, it is true. It

00:46:55.309 --> 00:46:58.369
is true. Listen, love Mahomes, and I think he's

00:46:58.369 --> 00:47:00.210
one of the greatest. He's one of the greatest.

00:47:00.869 --> 00:47:03.929
Yeah. He's one of the greatest quarterbacks ever.

00:47:04.699 --> 00:47:08.059
and everybody has a down year, and he's not necessarily

00:47:08.059 --> 00:47:11.239
having a down year. I would say that the defense

00:47:11.239 --> 00:47:13.820
and the whole team is having a down year, and

00:47:13.820 --> 00:47:16.800
Mahomes has spots where he doesn't look that

00:47:16.800 --> 00:47:19.340
good, but he is having a really good season.

00:47:19.480 --> 00:47:22.239
It's just we're accustomed to Mahomes standards.

00:47:23.099 --> 00:47:26.539
That's what it is. We're used to this high, high

00:47:26.539 --> 00:47:29.739
level of play instead of a normal high level

00:47:29.739 --> 00:47:33.409
of play. We're used to superhuman, but now he's

00:47:33.409 --> 00:47:36.570
human, but it's a high level of play. But we'll

00:47:36.570 --> 00:47:40.869
see, because I think that that guy can get out

00:47:40.869 --> 00:47:43.550
of about anything. I mean, I think this year's

00:47:43.550 --> 00:47:45.670
probably wasted, honestly. But you know what?

00:47:46.329 --> 00:47:49.289
They'll be back. Not worried about it. So, all

00:47:49.289 --> 00:47:52.170
right. Thank you, Ricky in Maine. And it's spelled

00:47:52.170 --> 00:47:55.809
like Ricky Rocket, R -I -K -K -I. So thank you,

00:47:55.829 --> 00:48:01.170
Ricky. You and Topher. welcome guests on the

00:48:01.170 --> 00:48:04.949
location the city market in downtown i plan on

00:48:04.949 --> 00:48:06.889
dropping by that's it the way this guy wrote

00:48:06.889 --> 00:48:12.909
it thanks and this is lonnie in new hampshire

00:48:12.909 --> 00:48:15.050
i think it said new hampshire i couldn't really

00:48:15.050 --> 00:48:18.789
tell because like i said my printer i gotta figure

00:48:18.789 --> 00:48:20.800
out how to I've got to figure out how to put

00:48:20.800 --> 00:48:23.300
that new cartridge in because they don't make

00:48:23.300 --> 00:48:25.460
the old cartridges anymore. They make a different

00:48:25.460 --> 00:48:27.820
one, and they're kind of a bitch to put in. So

00:48:27.820 --> 00:48:31.219
I think it's New Hampshire. So, yeah, we do.

00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:33.780
You want to come by, we'll let anybody on. We

00:48:33.780 --> 00:48:35.400
don't care. We don't care what you have to say.

00:48:37.019 --> 00:48:41.420
Just email Mark beforehand and let him know when

00:48:41.420 --> 00:48:44.539
you're on your way. Yeah, yeah. That way he'll

00:48:44.539 --> 00:48:47.739
know to be there. Yes. And like I said, we're

00:48:47.739 --> 00:48:49.820
usually there on Tuesdays. We usually arrive

00:48:49.820 --> 00:48:53.639
a little bit before 10. I told Ramon to be there

00:48:53.639 --> 00:48:56.840
about 10 .30 in case we run into any delays,

00:48:56.940 --> 00:48:59.119
and he doesn't think like we just ditched out

00:48:59.119 --> 00:49:03.519
on him. So I said 10 .30 Tuesday in front of

00:49:03.519 --> 00:49:07.300
City Market Coffee. So I think it's going to

00:49:07.300 --> 00:49:09.780
be a good show. So you'll probably hear it Tuesday

00:49:09.780 --> 00:49:13.880
afternoon, unless it's horrible. So I doubt it,

00:49:13.880 --> 00:49:25.190
though. The guy has some stories. He has some

00:49:25.190 --> 00:49:29.690
stories. All right, next one. Hey, how about

00:49:29.690 --> 00:49:32.190
a winter prediction from both douchebags, Jim

00:49:32.190 --> 00:49:37.170
and Rich Hill? My prediction is cold. Let's hear

00:49:37.170 --> 00:49:42.170
yours. My prediction is my long johns are already

00:49:42.170 --> 00:49:46.250
on. Yeah, you're in your car. You're in the douchebag

00:49:46.250 --> 00:50:04.659
mobile. The problem is it's been warm all the

00:50:04.659 --> 00:50:07.059
way up until this point. It's not like it's crazy,

00:50:07.099 --> 00:50:11.780
crazy cold. It's in the teens, which is manageable.

00:50:15.179 --> 00:50:20.159
But the thing is we were in the 60s and 50s for

00:50:20.159 --> 00:50:23.099
so long, and even 70s and 80s there before that.

00:50:23.239 --> 00:50:27.059
It hadn't been that long. that it was warm, and

00:50:27.059 --> 00:50:28.940
all of a sudden, when it got cold this year,

00:50:29.019 --> 00:50:31.699
it did it overnight, and so it feels colder.

00:50:31.840 --> 00:50:34.579
We're not used to it yet. Me and my boss were

00:50:34.579 --> 00:50:36.840
talking about that right before it happened,

00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:38.659
and we knew it was going to happen if they started

00:50:38.659 --> 00:50:41.860
calling for a couple of blue chips. We said,

00:50:41.860 --> 00:50:45.519
yeah, get ready. Yep, it's barreling in. All

00:50:45.519 --> 00:50:48.280
right, I've got one more, and then I hope you

00:50:48.280 --> 00:50:52.599
have some bag of garbage, right? No, I do not

00:50:52.599 --> 00:50:55.769
have that. Okay, that's all right. Okay, I've

00:50:55.769 --> 00:50:58.190
got one more here. Mark, can I get your meat

00:50:58.190 --> 00:51:03.210
ravioli recipe, please? Jeannie in Oklahoma City.

00:51:04.409 --> 00:51:11.429
Yeah, it's called Chef Boyardee. And all you

00:51:11.429 --> 00:51:17.010
need is a microwave, a plastic bowl, a can opener,

00:51:17.269 --> 00:51:23.030
and a fork or spoon. What you do is you open

00:51:23.030 --> 00:51:26.050
up the can of Chef Boyardee, the chef. He is

00:51:26.050 --> 00:51:28.070
the chef, right? He's the best chef ever, right?

00:51:28.150 --> 00:51:33.070
Yep. Okay. Best Italian chef. Yes, absolutely.

00:51:34.369 --> 00:51:36.469
So, yeah, all you need is one of these cans.

00:51:36.590 --> 00:51:39.190
You can buy a big one if you're a hearty appetite.

00:51:39.750 --> 00:51:42.230
person or you can buy a smaller one either one

00:51:42.230 --> 00:51:44.010
you can buy like the 10 ounce or you can buy

00:51:44.010 --> 00:51:46.570
the 22 ounce or whatever the hell it is okay

00:51:46.570 --> 00:51:48.849
and the first thing you do is you take it to

00:51:48.849 --> 00:51:51.530
your can opener okay so i'm being very detailed

00:51:51.530 --> 00:51:53.809
so they don't skip anything you don't skip a

00:51:53.809 --> 00:51:55.670
step in this right rob otherwise it doesn't come

00:51:55.670 --> 00:52:00.980
out right right Yeah, this is detail -oriented

00:52:00.980 --> 00:52:04.460
right here. So you grab said can of Chef Boyardee,

00:52:04.519 --> 00:52:07.000
small or big can, whichever one you want, or

00:52:07.000 --> 00:52:08.920
if you feed a family, maybe a couple of big cans.

00:52:09.099 --> 00:52:13.340
You go straight to the can opener. You place

00:52:13.340 --> 00:52:16.800
the can opener on the top of the can, and if

00:52:16.800 --> 00:52:19.099
it's electric, you just push the button. If it's

00:52:19.099 --> 00:52:23.480
not, you twist the dial until it opens the can.

00:52:24.719 --> 00:52:27.519
You take the lid and you throw it away to where

00:52:27.519 --> 00:52:29.739
your dogs or kids, if you have them around the

00:52:29.739 --> 00:52:31.920
house, can't get into it. You throw it away in

00:52:31.920 --> 00:52:33.780
the bottom of the trash or somewhere where they

00:52:33.780 --> 00:52:35.699
can't get it. You make sure that that sharp little

00:52:35.699 --> 00:52:38.739
lid is not available for anyone that doesn't

00:52:38.739 --> 00:52:42.119
need it. And then you take the contents of the

00:52:42.119 --> 00:52:46.119
can. You empty it out into the plastic bowl.

00:52:46.320 --> 00:52:48.900
Okay, this is very important, Rob, right? Right?

00:52:49.460 --> 00:52:51.840
When you empty it into the plastic bowl, make

00:52:51.840 --> 00:52:54.679
sure you got all of the meat chunks. and the

00:52:54.679 --> 00:52:59.440
sauce right that's the most important that's

00:52:59.440 --> 00:53:02.420
the most important part then you gently take

00:53:02.420 --> 00:53:05.920
the bowl of the said beautiful ravioli from the

00:53:05.920 --> 00:53:09.119
chef you put it in your microwave and usually

00:53:09.119 --> 00:53:11.880
most microwaves it takes about two minutes you

00:53:11.880 --> 00:53:13.960
look in and if it's bubbling on the top a little

00:53:13.960 --> 00:53:17.179
bit it's ready you take it out you don't scarf

00:53:17.179 --> 00:53:20.079
it right away you let that cool okay you let

00:53:20.079 --> 00:53:22.679
it cool a little bit And there you go. You can

00:53:22.679 --> 00:53:26.679
throw a little oregano on it. You can throw some

00:53:26.679 --> 00:53:30.559
Parmesan cheese. You can put whatever else, whatever

00:53:30.559 --> 00:53:32.579
you want on it, whatever toppings you want. You

00:53:32.579 --> 00:53:35.000
can put cheddar if you want, even though that's

00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:40.260
sacrilegious. So there you go, Jeannie. I wish

00:53:40.260 --> 00:53:42.659
you luck. If you have any problems at all, email

00:53:42.659 --> 00:53:45.239
me and I'll walk you through it. Is that good,

00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:55.460
Rob? I would agree, but I wanted to give a couple

00:53:55.460 --> 00:54:03.139
of choices there. Oh, I just saw this little

00:54:03.139 --> 00:54:05.239
memo I put down. I'm sorry. Like I said, I'm

00:54:05.239 --> 00:54:07.940
disorganized. This is completely different than

00:54:07.940 --> 00:54:13.179
Chef Boyardee. I'm the one three hours off my

00:54:13.179 --> 00:54:16.019
honeymoon. I know. I should be the one prepared.

00:54:17.199 --> 00:54:28.800
What is the name? What is that Ridgewood Amphitheater?

00:54:28.860 --> 00:54:31.440
It's the one that the Bass Pro Shop guy owns.

00:54:31.579 --> 00:54:33.820
It is down there at Dogwood Canyon, south of

00:54:33.820 --> 00:54:38.340
Branson. Thunder Ridge, I think is the name of

00:54:38.340 --> 00:54:42.460
it. Thunder Ridge, yes. Thunder Ridge this summer.

00:54:42.559 --> 00:54:45.320
Actually, it's going to be kind of fall in September

00:54:45.320 --> 00:54:48.920
of next year. Guns N' Roses is coming by there.

00:54:49.840 --> 00:54:53.599
And they're coming by Kansas City, too. But I'd

00:54:53.599 --> 00:54:55.119
love to go down there and spend a couple days

00:54:55.119 --> 00:54:58.460
in Eureka Springs and go to that show. You know

00:54:58.460 --> 00:55:02.380
what? Springfield is not an hour from me. It's

00:55:02.380 --> 00:55:06.440
not that far? Yeah, I'm just north. You're about

00:55:06.440 --> 00:55:08.360
an hour and 40 minutes from the amphitheater.

00:55:08.860 --> 00:55:12.800
Maybe we should all try to make it there. You

00:55:12.800 --> 00:55:16.099
know what? For instance, I could possibly talk

00:55:16.099 --> 00:55:21.809
her into it. Okay. Hey, how about doing a podcast

00:55:21.809 --> 00:55:24.690
from there? Well, no, they wouldn't allow that.

00:55:24.849 --> 00:55:26.230
Let's talk about it later. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:55:26.469 --> 00:55:29.050
All right, Rob, let's go to you. If nothing else,

00:55:29.050 --> 00:55:32.250
we can meet up, man. Have a good night. Yeah,

00:55:32.269 --> 00:55:35.989
and I probably couldn't be able to put the computer

00:55:35.989 --> 00:55:37.929
there and all that. You know, they frisk you

00:55:37.929 --> 00:55:41.349
really good and all that stuff. Honestly, I don't

00:55:41.349 --> 00:55:45.210
know if I would trust the crazies around the

00:55:45.210 --> 00:55:48.820
equipment. Yeah, you know what? Okay. We'll have

00:55:48.820 --> 00:55:51.659
the equipment with us, and we'll do the podcast

00:55:51.659 --> 00:55:53.539
from somewhere else. We'll give them our own

00:55:53.539 --> 00:55:57.260
report. Yeah, yeah. We'll go to a different location

00:55:57.260 --> 00:56:01.139
to do the podcast. So, okay. Yeah. Okay, all

00:56:01.139 --> 00:56:03.099
right. Rob, let's go to you. You got something?

00:56:04.280 --> 00:56:06.599
Yeah, I do. All right, cool. Did you watch Macy's

00:56:06.599 --> 00:56:11.559
Day Parade? No. Yeah, I did. The only thing I

00:56:11.559 --> 00:56:45.699
do is ensure I didn't get time. Okay. Top the

00:56:45.699 --> 00:56:50.739
upside down invasion Stranger Things split. Okay.

00:56:53.659 --> 00:56:56.340
Yeah, I didn't know what that was until I seen

00:56:56.340 --> 00:57:03.139
it. That's funny you say that. That's funny you

00:57:03.139 --> 00:57:06.199
say that because I have a music news with that

00:57:06.199 --> 00:57:16.349
on there. Yeah. Anyhow, go ahead. No, no, no.

00:57:16.409 --> 00:57:18.110
I was just saying that it's cool that we got

00:57:18.110 --> 00:57:20.429
the same story because I have a little music

00:57:20.429 --> 00:57:23.170
news snippet that I've already did about it.

00:57:23.369 --> 00:57:25.730
And anyhow, mine's a little bit different than

00:57:25.730 --> 00:57:27.610
that, but I love it. So, all right. Thank you.

00:57:27.650 --> 00:58:29.039
Okay. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah.

00:58:41.000 --> 00:58:46.880
I think I will, too. I know Netflix crashed Thanksgiving

00:58:46.880 --> 00:58:49.619
Day because everyone was trying to watch the

00:58:49.619 --> 00:58:55.300
new and last season of Stranger Things, and they

00:58:55.300 --> 00:58:58.260
all decided to do it not the night before Thanksgiving

00:58:58.260 --> 00:59:00.860
when it was released. They tried to do it on

00:59:00.860 --> 00:59:02.960
Thanksgiving, probably eating turkey and stuff,

00:59:03.019 --> 00:59:07.000
right? And they crashed Netflix site again, so

00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:10.400
I thought that was all right. Yeah, see, I...

00:59:19.340 --> 00:59:23.360
It cut out. Sorry, go ahead. Oh, yeah, it's probably

00:59:23.360 --> 00:59:30.780
my reception. Okay. Thank you. Is that it, Rob?

00:59:31.960 --> 00:59:35.900
Yeah, that was it. Okay. You want to take our

00:59:35.900 --> 00:59:38.059
second break, and we'll come back with some more

00:59:38.059 --> 00:59:47.739
garbage? Yeah. All right. What did you say? It

00:59:47.739 --> 00:59:51.099
cut out again. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's what I'm

00:59:51.099 --> 00:59:52.679
saying. We're going to have to push it because

00:59:52.679 --> 00:59:55.980
my receptors are getting slim. Okay, what time

00:59:55.980 --> 00:59:58.300
is it now? I'm having a hard time pulling up.

00:59:58.619 --> 01:00:07.739
Yeah. Okay, okay. Alright, let's take our second...

01:00:07.739 --> 01:00:12.659
Oh, go ahead. What? Go to break and we'll talk.

01:00:13.480 --> 01:00:15.260
Okay, that sounds good. We'll be right back.

01:00:19.289 --> 01:00:23.849
Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard. It's

01:00:23.849 --> 01:00:26.449
also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen.

01:00:26.909 --> 01:00:30.070
But Mark would like to tell you, if you see any

01:00:30.070 --> 01:00:33.809
pictures of him roofing ibuprofen, it's obviously

01:00:33.809 --> 01:00:36.230
fake, and you're to take the pictures and tear

01:00:36.230 --> 01:00:40.469
them up immediately. And now, Deep Thoughts with

01:00:40.469 --> 01:00:48.139
Mark. Math class is the only place where you

01:00:48.139 --> 01:00:50.940
can buy 60 cantaloupe and 50 watermelon and nobody

01:00:50.940 --> 01:00:59.780
seems to give a shit. Hey there, slap nuts. It's

01:00:59.780 --> 01:01:05.159
time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little

01:01:05.159 --> 01:01:07.820
pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your

01:01:07.820 --> 01:01:10.980
music news. During an appearance on July 8th

01:01:10.980 --> 01:01:13.820
episode of SiriusXM's Trunk Nation. Tony Omi

01:01:13.820 --> 01:01:15.760
spoke about some of his upcoming music -related

01:01:15.760 --> 01:01:17.960
projects, including a full -length collection

01:01:17.960 --> 01:01:19.820
of new material from legendary Black Sabbath

01:01:19.820 --> 01:01:23.539
guitarist. Tony said, as transcribed by Blabbermouth

01:01:23.539 --> 01:01:26.340
.net, Well, at the moment, I was doing my own

01:01:26.340 --> 01:01:28.239
album until Back to the Beginning event came

01:01:28.239 --> 01:01:30.880
up. And then, of course, I had to stop and concentrate

01:01:30.880 --> 01:01:33.760
on preparing for the Sabbath performance. But

01:01:33.760 --> 01:01:35.739
I'm continuing next week to try to finish off

01:01:35.739 --> 01:01:38.199
what I started with this album. And then who

01:01:38.199 --> 01:01:40.340
knows what I'm going to do. It's great, really.

01:01:40.760 --> 01:01:43.150
Because if something pops up... I'll do it if

01:01:43.150 --> 01:01:45.650
I want to do it. Asked if his upcoming album

01:01:45.650 --> 01:01:47.949
is a Tony Iommi solo record with guests on it,

01:01:47.989 --> 01:01:50.570
like he's done before with the legendary 2000s

01:01:50.570 --> 01:01:53.170
Iommi, the guitarist responded, At the moment,

01:01:53.230 --> 01:01:56.110
no. I've got one singer on it, which I originally

01:01:56.110 --> 01:01:57.989
thought of different singers, but it started

01:01:57.989 --> 01:02:00.230
off as it was going to be an instrumental album,

01:02:00.369 --> 01:02:02.769
and it's gone from that into a full -fledged

01:02:02.769 --> 01:02:05.750
Tony Iommi project. But then I thought, oh, wait,

01:02:05.809 --> 01:02:08.190
I want to try it with a singer. So that's what

01:02:08.190 --> 01:02:11.090
I've been doing. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That

01:02:11.090 --> 01:02:13.750
was your music news, and remember, bar chords

01:02:13.750 --> 01:02:19.789
are bullshit. Hey, dickhead, no one gives an

01:02:19.789 --> 01:02:22.150
ounce of shit what you had for breakfast. Not

01:02:22.150 --> 01:02:24.590
even the person on the other end. You look like

01:02:24.590 --> 01:02:27.150
a mentally slow driv yelling into thin air all

01:02:27.150 --> 01:02:29.570
through the store. I pray that Bluetooth shorts

01:02:29.570 --> 01:02:32.510
you out and blows up your eardrums. One men consider

01:02:32.510 --> 01:02:35.489
self -centered dunce. Monty constantly coddled

01:02:35.489 --> 01:02:37.809
this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look back

01:02:37.809 --> 01:02:40.389
home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably forgot

01:02:40.389 --> 01:02:42.289
the theme because you're too busy looking in

01:02:42.289 --> 01:02:46.190
the mirror all day. Fuck off. People often ask,

01:02:46.329 --> 01:02:48.590
how do we cram so much funny into one little

01:02:48.590 --> 01:02:52.190
show? Well, it's simple. We buy funny in bulk

01:02:52.190 --> 01:02:55.469
on the Internet. Hey, Mark, you're wanted at

01:02:55.469 --> 01:02:57.750
the front door. There's a big bag of funny they

01:02:57.750 --> 01:03:01.190
need you to sign for. Okay, thanks a lot. I'll

01:03:01.190 --> 01:03:03.070
be right there. I'm still sorting out the funny

01:03:03.070 --> 01:03:05.650
we got from yesterday. There's your answer. We

01:03:05.650 --> 01:03:10.619
buy funny in bulk on the Internet. Rob Rad, a

01:03:10.619 --> 01:03:14.920
man extraordinaire. Rob consumed small doses

01:03:14.920 --> 01:03:20.019
of radiation for 30 years. Rob is immune to radiation.

01:03:20.539 --> 01:03:24.980
Watch him glow. Watch Rob Rad jump up 25 feet

01:03:24.980 --> 01:03:28.460
and grab birds out of thin air with his mouth.

01:03:28.679 --> 01:03:33.239
With his mouth. Rob can now be rented for children's

01:03:33.239 --> 01:03:37.000
parties and bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come

01:03:37.000 --> 01:03:39.980
on and rent you a Rob today. That's right. Come

01:03:39.980 --> 01:03:45.619
by and rent Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch

01:03:45.619 --> 01:03:48.800
Rob consume seven bottles of night cream and

01:03:48.800 --> 01:03:53.039
still break dance and moonwalk. Watch Rob Red.

01:03:53.239 --> 01:03:57.960
Fart down a building. Fart down a building. Rob

01:03:57.960 --> 01:04:00.519
Red assumes no responsibility whatsoever. He

01:04:00.519 --> 01:04:02.440
is not a babysitter and he doesn't give one house

01:04:02.440 --> 01:04:04.239
a shit about your children. Please remember to

01:04:04.239 --> 01:04:06.480
corral every little bastard you have. Before

01:04:06.480 --> 01:04:08.659
Rob gets there, and Walt will not put up with

01:04:08.659 --> 01:04:10.960
any backtalk, he will promptly get them in the

01:04:10.960 --> 01:04:12.980
place. Rob Braddock assumes no responsibility

01:04:12.980 --> 01:04:15.280
for anything that could be stolen from his visit.

01:04:15.320 --> 01:04:17.219
Rob Braddock has no responsibility whatsoever

01:04:17.219 --> 01:04:20.519
in any help him of any situation. Read a Rob

01:04:20.519 --> 01:04:29.019
today. Well, you know, I got a neat little story

01:04:29.019 --> 01:04:31.619
here about a little prank that me and Davey,

01:04:31.619 --> 01:04:35.139
my friend that I refer to often, played. You

01:04:35.139 --> 01:04:37.300
know the old Bannister Mall, remember that? Oh,

01:04:37.320 --> 01:04:40.579
yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy, that was an area for a lot

01:04:40.579 --> 01:04:42.940
of fucking fun. We used to get away with murder

01:04:42.940 --> 01:04:45.059
at that place. We had done the stupidest shit.

01:04:45.460 --> 01:04:48.179
Well, there was a security guard, a little short

01:04:48.179 --> 01:04:50.900
little fucker, kind of a little dumpy little

01:04:50.900 --> 01:04:54.039
guy named Sam. And he hated us longhairs. We

01:04:54.039 --> 01:04:55.579
were in there getting all the chicks, and he

01:04:55.579 --> 01:04:58.760
didn't fucking like it. Sam used to always try

01:04:58.760 --> 01:05:01.420
to get me kicked out. And Davey, too, but more

01:05:01.420 --> 01:05:04.760
me. He really hated me for some reason. So he'd

01:05:04.760 --> 01:05:07.420
always screw with me. He got me kicked out for

01:05:07.420 --> 01:05:10.840
about two weeks. Then we went to court and the

01:05:10.840 --> 01:05:13.000
judge said you can't kick him out. It's a public

01:05:13.000 --> 01:05:17.900
mall. Yeah. So anyhow, you know, one of the biggest

01:05:17.900 --> 01:05:22.119
ways to sell a hoax is to... we found this out,

01:05:22.199 --> 01:05:25.400
was to have a set -up guy that no one knew. Just

01:05:25.400 --> 01:05:28.300
a guy to confirm what you're saying. Oh, yeah,

01:05:28.400 --> 01:05:31.380
yeah, yeah, I did see that monkey over there.

01:05:31.400 --> 01:05:33.980
Yeah. Last I saw him, he was on top of that building

01:05:33.980 --> 01:05:35.860
and he was throwing shit at somebody. The random

01:05:35.860 --> 01:05:37.599
witness you see who disappears. The random witness,

01:05:37.599 --> 01:05:44.599
yes. Yeah. So, this guy, okay, this is Bannister

01:05:44.599 --> 01:05:47.980
Mall, early 1980s. Me and my good buddy Davey

01:05:47.980 --> 01:05:51.460
were hanging out. We're crazy long hairs that

01:05:51.460 --> 01:05:54.780
the average teen would follow because we're long

01:05:54.780 --> 01:05:57.739
hairs. We're kind of like the Pied Piper of teens.

01:05:58.039 --> 01:06:00.880
People used to look at us and go, well, there's

01:06:00.880 --> 01:06:03.039
the party. Let's just follow them around until

01:06:03.039 --> 01:06:07.099
they go to it. I've done that. Yeah, they used

01:06:07.099 --> 01:06:08.539
to do it all the time. We'd be like, where are

01:06:08.539 --> 01:06:11.179
you guys going? Cleveland? Ohio? No, Missouri.

01:06:11.539 --> 01:06:14.509
That guy looks like he might have beer. Yeah,

01:06:14.509 --> 01:06:17.530
so they'd just start following us, and that's

01:06:17.530 --> 01:06:19.210
just the way it were. And then we'd all introduce,

01:06:19.369 --> 01:06:23.550
hey, I'm so -and -so, I'm so -and -so. We'd have

01:06:23.550 --> 01:06:26.969
a good time, Cleveland Lake or something, slamming

01:06:26.969 --> 01:06:30.489
beers, doing stupid shit. So Davey and I had

01:06:30.489 --> 01:06:32.849
certain buddies that would walk up and hear the

01:06:32.849 --> 01:06:35.110
bullshit that we're spewing and then help seal

01:06:35.110 --> 01:06:38.969
the deal. They'd sell it completely. One guy

01:06:38.969 --> 01:06:41.429
that walked around to help us was a punker named

01:06:41.429 --> 01:06:45.309
Jason. Jason was really cool because he looked

01:06:45.309 --> 01:06:48.150
like the type of guy that wouldn't like us. But

01:06:48.150 --> 01:06:52.550
we got to talking to him and we saw eye to eye

01:06:52.550 --> 01:06:55.329
on everything except music. Everything else we

01:06:55.329 --> 01:06:58.070
were the same, you know. Fuck society, fuck the

01:06:58.070 --> 01:07:00.369
average guy, fuck this, fuck that, you know.

01:07:00.530 --> 01:07:02.909
But when it came to music, you know, we're like

01:07:02.909 --> 01:07:04.889
fucking listening to Motley Crue and shit like

01:07:04.889 --> 01:07:09.059
that. And he was listening to... I don't know,

01:07:09.179 --> 01:07:12.860
the Ramones, or even deeper than that, you know,

01:07:12.860 --> 01:07:18.739
Dead Kennedys, the Germs. Television. Yeah. Yeah,

01:07:19.099 --> 01:07:23.860
he was a real punker, so he had... Yeah. He had

01:07:23.860 --> 01:07:27.340
an orange mohawk. Sweet. Or black spike leather.

01:07:29.340 --> 01:07:33.599
And Doc Martens. So, I mean, you know, you got

01:07:33.599 --> 01:07:35.960
the guy, right? You know who I'm talking about,

01:07:36.079 --> 01:07:39.460
so... Great guy, though. I'd love to know what

01:07:39.460 --> 01:07:41.440
happened to him. So, Jason, if you happen to

01:07:41.440 --> 01:07:44.719
hear this abortion, please... Oh, I guess that's

01:07:44.719 --> 01:07:47.539
a bad word now, isn't it? Oh. This atrocity.

01:07:47.880 --> 01:07:50.820
There we go. If you happen to hear this horrible

01:07:50.820 --> 01:07:54.400
atrocity, then, you know, hey, send us an email.

01:07:55.219 --> 01:07:57.760
Yeah. I forgot what the valid email is, so...

01:07:57.760 --> 01:08:01.619
We put so many bullshit ones out there, we can't

01:08:01.619 --> 01:08:04.280
remember our real one. I know. There is a valid

01:08:04.280 --> 01:08:06.260
one, and I can't remember what the hell it is.

01:08:08.199 --> 01:08:11.340
We also have an actual real phone number. Hell

01:08:11.340 --> 01:08:14.679
if I know that one either. Yeah, so I can't even

01:08:14.679 --> 01:08:18.600
remember the real one. There you go. Show prep.

01:08:18.899 --> 01:08:22.819
Yeah. Here I was talking about show prep and

01:08:22.819 --> 01:08:24.560
making a big deal out of it, and I can't even

01:08:24.560 --> 01:08:29.619
remember our email. So, anyhow, meanwhile, there's

01:08:29.619 --> 01:08:32.000
this one security guard named Sam that I kind

01:08:32.000 --> 01:08:33.859
of alluded to or actually went into a little

01:08:33.859 --> 01:08:38.609
bit. Sam was a jealous little pussy bitch. He

01:08:38.609 --> 01:08:40.350
constantly tried to get me kicked out and barred

01:08:40.350 --> 01:08:42.109
from the mall. And like I said earlier, he did

01:08:42.109 --> 01:08:44.109
for a while, for a couple of weeks. And we went

01:08:44.109 --> 01:08:47.350
to court. I got back in, which really fumed his

01:08:47.350 --> 01:08:50.130
ass, burned his ass. Because every time I seen

01:08:50.130 --> 01:08:52.489
him, I was like overzealous about him. Hi, Sam,

01:08:52.829 --> 01:08:55.569
how are you? He came over for dinner tonight,

01:08:55.689 --> 01:08:58.210
little guy. A little tiny bit of authority he

01:08:58.210 --> 01:09:03.550
had, and it's gone. You look cute today. I beeped

01:09:03.550 --> 01:09:06.289
his nose one time, and he came out and went unglued.

01:09:07.710 --> 01:09:09.890
So, you know, me and Davey used to play mean

01:09:09.890 --> 01:09:13.229
tricks on Sam constantly. Sounds like he deserved

01:09:13.229 --> 01:09:17.010
it. Oh, he did, you know. So we quickly went

01:09:17.010 --> 01:09:20.189
to Jason to be the casual guy walking by to sell

01:09:20.189 --> 01:09:22.869
it. So Jason's over in the corner where the Mutant

01:09:22.869 --> 01:09:25.710
Theater's upstairs used to be because then they

01:09:25.710 --> 01:09:27.670
went downstairs for a while and then they disappeared.

01:09:28.010 --> 01:09:30.149
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they used to be upstairs, mid

01:09:30.149 --> 01:09:33.449
-upstairs. So I think right across from Food

01:09:33.449 --> 01:09:35.989
Court maybe. If I remember correctly. Well, now

01:09:35.989 --> 01:09:38.810
in my mind I'm getting confused with Ward Parkway

01:09:38.810 --> 01:09:40.789
because their movie theater shifted around a

01:09:40.789 --> 01:09:43.890
bit too. Okay, well, anyhow, this is when they

01:09:43.890 --> 01:09:46.829
were upstairs because I remember that part well

01:09:46.829 --> 01:09:48.569
because people were coming in to go to the movies

01:09:48.569 --> 01:09:52.149
and we're screwing with them. Yeah. So Davey

01:09:52.149 --> 01:09:54.649
and I set this one up perfectly. We had a buddy

01:09:54.649 --> 01:10:01.130
that he won a backstage pass to Great White.

01:10:01.529 --> 01:10:04.090
I'll remember them. It's a video shoot, okay?

01:10:04.229 --> 01:10:07.869
As an extra. Oh, that'd be cool. Yeah. And he

01:10:07.869 --> 01:10:10.470
was in it. I don't know if it was once bit or

01:10:10.470 --> 01:10:14.090
something else, but he was in it. And on the

01:10:14.090 --> 01:10:17.970
back was stamped used. But on the front, it had

01:10:17.970 --> 01:10:21.390
an MTV logo. It didn't have a specific band.

01:10:21.609 --> 01:10:24.369
It didn't say Great White. It just said, Extra

01:10:24.369 --> 01:10:28.289
for MTV Video Shoot. And I remember really well

01:10:28.289 --> 01:10:31.010
it was green with an orange MTV on it with her

01:10:31.010 --> 01:10:33.430
famous logo. Yeah. It was really cool looking

01:10:33.430 --> 01:10:38.050
and it was like made with some sort of a really

01:10:38.050 --> 01:10:43.149
thick paper and it was engraved, I guess. Oh,

01:10:43.149 --> 01:10:45.409
yeah. Yeah, it was raised. It felt great. It

01:10:45.409 --> 01:10:47.430
felt like the seal of something. Embossed paper.

01:10:47.770 --> 01:10:49.729
Embossed, yeah. Raised printing. Raised printing,

01:10:49.829 --> 01:10:52.369
whatever. Makes it a lot harder to counterfeit.

01:10:52.800 --> 01:10:55.460
Plus it makes it look cool. So our friend agreed

01:10:55.460 --> 01:10:57.180
to let us borrow this for a little while. We

01:10:57.180 --> 01:10:59.960
got it back to him like we said. We didn't tear

01:10:59.960 --> 01:11:02.920
it up or steal it or nothing. Davey started waving

01:11:02.920 --> 01:11:05.060
the card in the air and making fun of me because

01:11:05.060 --> 01:11:09.119
he got this and I didn't. He was like, hey, I'm

01:11:09.119 --> 01:11:16.100
going to be on this whatever. So, we'd wait around

01:11:16.100 --> 01:11:17.579
going, I'm going to be on the video and you're

01:11:17.579 --> 01:11:19.439
not because you're too stupid and you couldn't

01:11:19.439 --> 01:11:22.720
win and all this stuff, right? So, this magical

01:11:22.720 --> 01:11:26.779
card was supposed to be a freebie to be an extra

01:11:26.779 --> 01:11:29.340
on the set of MTV. This is what we set it up

01:11:29.340 --> 01:11:32.699
to be, right? A list of hundreds of bands, the

01:11:32.699 --> 01:11:36.279
secret MTV guy walking around, he was walking

01:11:36.279 --> 01:11:38.020
around the mall and this was going to be Sam

01:11:38.020 --> 01:11:41.399
eventually. So, the secret MTV guy that has these

01:11:41.399 --> 01:11:44.140
free magical passes. was Sam, only he didn't

01:11:44.140 --> 01:11:48.739
know it. So Davey's like, and I'm like, fucking

01:11:48.739 --> 01:11:52.340
asshole. Yeah, all this stuff. So automatically,

01:11:52.739 --> 01:11:54.979
you see people getting ready to walk in, right?

01:11:55.100 --> 01:11:56.380
Getting ready to go to a movie, they're like,

01:11:56.479 --> 01:12:00.779
yeah, just like magnetic, they're just staring

01:12:00.779 --> 01:12:03.640
at us. And Davey's like, and all this stuff.

01:12:03.699 --> 01:12:05.579
I'm like, man, that sucks, man. You get to go

01:12:05.579 --> 01:12:08.300
and I don't. So Davey is waving this around,

01:12:08.380 --> 01:12:11.829
making fun of me, and Jason will walk by. They

01:12:11.829 --> 01:12:13.789
go, yeah, I fucking won one too, but I threw

01:12:13.789 --> 01:12:15.510
it at them because there's no punk bands on it.

01:12:15.569 --> 01:12:19.109
Fuck that. I don't want to go. So all of a sudden,

01:12:19.109 --> 01:12:21.770
those kids are fucking coming over there. What

01:12:21.770 --> 01:12:27.810
was this? That's so clever. Oh, yeah. We set

01:12:27.810 --> 01:12:32.409
it up perfect. So the reason that we picked Sam

01:12:32.409 --> 01:12:35.829
to do this on that day was because we had the

01:12:35.829 --> 01:12:38.090
card for a couple of days. He was wearing plain

01:12:38.090 --> 01:12:40.489
clothes. And I guess he thought he was going

01:12:40.489 --> 01:12:42.449
to catch shoplifters or something not wearing

01:12:42.449 --> 01:12:44.449
his little fucking bitch outfit that he normally

01:12:44.449 --> 01:12:50.210
wore. So Jason, instead of us, goes, yeah, that

01:12:50.210 --> 01:12:52.050
fucking little douche right there is the one.

01:12:52.149 --> 01:12:54.409
That's the secret MTV guy. We didn't even say

01:12:54.409 --> 01:12:57.029
it. He did it. It sold it even more. Because

01:12:57.029 --> 01:12:59.750
all these teens are like, you know, fucking their

01:12:59.750 --> 01:13:01.930
heads spun around and they're staring at him.

01:13:03.369 --> 01:13:07.109
So Jason said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I bit him

01:13:07.109 --> 01:13:13.149
on the ear to get one. So the story was this.

01:13:13.369 --> 01:13:15.770
It's getting better and better. The more outrageous

01:13:15.770 --> 01:13:18.689
you were, the more likely you were to get a free

01:13:18.689 --> 01:13:24.390
pass on MTV. Yeah. So automatically, he had like

01:13:24.390 --> 01:13:27.810
50 teens jumping in front of him, fucking biting

01:13:27.810 --> 01:13:30.770
his ear, kicking him in the ass. One guy was

01:13:30.770 --> 01:13:33.449
clucking like a chicken in his face. Another

01:13:33.449 --> 01:13:36.750
guy's like, look, I'm a bird. Some guy fucking

01:13:36.750 --> 01:13:40.180
jumped off of one side. Another guy ripped off

01:13:40.180 --> 01:13:44.380
one of the trees and hit him with a switch. And

01:13:44.380 --> 01:13:47.560
Sam was just fucking freaking out, man. He's

01:13:47.560 --> 01:13:49.119
like, what the fuck? And they're like, we want

01:13:49.119 --> 01:13:51.380
a pass. We want a pass. He's like, what pass?

01:13:51.979 --> 01:13:55.000
This probably went on for fucking 25 minutes.

01:13:55.340 --> 01:13:58.600
He was losing his mind. Yes, he was. He didn't

01:13:58.600 --> 01:13:59.760
know what was going on. What planet did I wake

01:13:59.760 --> 01:14:02.220
up on? You get 10 teens away from him, right?

01:14:02.819 --> 01:14:06.880
And then you have 10 more teens attacking. So,

01:14:06.880 --> 01:14:10.189
look, we leave. We let this go on and let it

01:14:10.189 --> 01:14:12.430
go downhill. And those teams told another one,

01:14:12.470 --> 01:14:14.029
get the pass from that fucker. He didn't give

01:14:14.029 --> 01:14:16.909
us anything. So this just kept rolling on and

01:14:16.909 --> 01:14:21.229
rolling on and rolling on. We come back a couple

01:14:21.229 --> 01:14:23.689
hours later. Oh, no, I know what we did. We went

01:14:23.689 --> 01:14:26.430
to Andy's Santa Fe and had a burrito. I remember

01:14:26.430 --> 01:14:28.609
the Andy's. We weren't even old enough to drink,

01:14:28.609 --> 01:14:30.710
but we still did because they never carded there.

01:14:31.029 --> 01:14:33.569
We both had margaritas. We were fucking laughing

01:14:33.569 --> 01:14:36.270
at our feet on the table and shit. Davey had

01:14:36.270 --> 01:14:38.250
fucking flip -flops on, so they eventually got

01:14:38.250 --> 01:14:40.609
mad and kicked us out because you could see his

01:14:40.609 --> 01:14:42.810
toenails hanging out. People didn't like that.

01:14:43.109 --> 01:14:47.569
So, anyhow, we get back in. And all of a sudden,

01:14:47.590 --> 01:14:49.729
we see Sam coming by, all disheveled. By this

01:14:49.729 --> 01:14:52.069
time, everything was gone. It was all said and

01:14:52.069 --> 01:14:55.489
done. I go, hey, Sam. I go, do you want to know

01:14:55.489 --> 01:14:59.550
where all that came from? Davey pulled out the

01:14:59.550 --> 01:15:01.529
card and said, see this? I go, yeah, you just

01:15:01.529 --> 01:15:03.689
been had, bitch. Oh, he was fucking furious.

01:15:03.789 --> 01:15:06.090
He turned right back. You motherfucker. I'm going

01:15:06.090 --> 01:15:07.670
to get you out of here. I'm going to get you

01:15:07.670 --> 01:15:10.770
guys kicked out for good. I go, what for? I didn't

01:15:10.770 --> 01:15:14.130
do anything against them all. We didn't get kicked

01:15:14.130 --> 01:15:19.710
out. That was one of the best fucking breaks

01:15:19.710 --> 01:15:21.689
we ever played. It was brilliant. And I just

01:15:21.689 --> 01:15:23.289
thought about it the other day. I'm like, my

01:15:23.289 --> 01:15:27.869
God. There are some other ones I've got to remember

01:15:27.869 --> 01:15:33.149
that we did to him, too. And then I got another

01:15:33.149 --> 01:15:37.170
one. You listen to the solo cast, right? I'm

01:15:37.170 --> 01:15:38.409
going to tell the story about the nut buyer.

01:15:38.989 --> 01:15:44.359
Oh, yes. Oh, gosh. Oh, no. Looks like the show's

01:15:44.359 --> 01:15:47.979
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't

01:15:47.979 --> 01:15:51.399
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll

01:15:51.399 --> 01:15:53.239
be back invading your ear holes soon.