WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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scream the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. This is Joshua Belmont, your

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food for thought man on The Hustle. Today, we

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need to focus on the genius Franklin Harris for

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inventing the jukebox override. Some dumbass

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puts down a hundred on the Melvins to last all

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night? No worry, thanks to Mr. Harris. Just put

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in a buck a song to override shitty music and

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you can be the hero. Mr. Harris, not many stop

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to admire your fine work, but we do here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone. Thank you, Mr. Harris,

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for being a patriotic, great human being. Hey,

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my fellow heavy breathers, this is Dash Riptide

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with your music news. For a nerd to take center

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stage on Stranger Things float at Macy's Thanksgiving

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Day Parade. I remember the infamous Kiss float

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years ago where the large Gibson guitar on their

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float was replaced with a much smaller ugly one.

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Paul was seen mincing and bitching. So in other

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words, he was being normal. George Thorogood

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has announced a world tour. Minus the rest of

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the world. It kicks off March 8th. Thousand Oaks,

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California, March 10th. Napa, California, March

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17th. Kamloops, California, March 19th. Parkland,

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California. It ends in Fort Wayne on March 31st

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with a Hamilton, Canada, three days later. And

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that appears to be all they tour as of date.

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He is 150, so he probably is not going to tour

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more than that. This is Gash Rooktine, and that

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was your music news. If it's too loud, you probably

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have ear damage, just like me. Strange, but true.

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There are deep -sea fish with transparent heads

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and visible brains. The barrel -eye fish looks

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like something from an alien autopsy. Its head

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is literally see -through, and you can watch

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its eyes swivel inside like little green orbs

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of doom. Have you ever wondered what something

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came about? Have you ever looked at something

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and said, Hmm, I wonder what the origin of that

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is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you

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The Origin Of. The origin of the goatee. The

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goatee is a beard style that dates back to ancient

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Greece and Rome and is named for its resemblance

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to a goat's beard. The goatee has been worn by

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many famous men throughout history, including

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Uncle Sam, Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock. The

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gobham was often depicted with a goatee, and

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in medieval and renaissance art, Satan was depicted

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with a goatee as well. The goatee became popular

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again in 1940s. a defining trait of the beatniks

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and jazz musicians. It fell out of favor again

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in the 1960s, but became fashionable again in

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the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee originated

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in the late 20th century. It was originally called

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a goatee. Remember to bleach your Bluetooth after

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every show. Two deuce bags of microphone. I'm

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Mark here in the Kansas City area at the Talk

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is Cheap studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful

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angle arm of the Lake of the Ozarks at Duck Black

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studio. Whack, whack. For now. For now. Sorry,

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it's been a while. That's cool. And I've been...

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Yeah, yep, yep. Well, Topher and I are back to

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doing podcasts at the City Market, so no big

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deal. I put one up yesterday. The Sports Bastards

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Music Creeps is going to go up Friday. I got

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it posted just waiting, and this will go in in

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between. So we've got plenty of material until

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Sunday or Monday when we get back together and

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do this. So it's not a big deal. Mm -hmm. Yeah,

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they've been busy. And Rob is wearing his loincloth

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at the wedding. Yes. Yep. And a Tarzan top, right?

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Isn't it like, it's like leopard spotted and

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it's like a tank top kind of? Oh, I got a little

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chimp ready. Oh, good, good, good. Yeah, I got

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me a cheetah. Hell yeah. His name's Chester,

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right? No? Of course. Okay. Okay. Well, I got

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a little something here before we get busy on

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everything. Ramon is definitely coming on the

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podcast. Topher and I are going to be interviewing

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him. But it's not going to be this week. He's

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going to be out of town because, you know, family

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stuff. But when he comes back the following week,

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that Tuesday, we plan on recording with Ramon.

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Ramon is the very interesting man that I met

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up there at the city market. And he has some

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stories about drug cartels, high corporate crime,

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and also being part of the high corporate...

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staff i guess he he's a very interesting guy

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i did a little preliminary interview with him

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he's definitely the type of guy that we want

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to talk to he's definitely guy the type of guy

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that we want to hear his stories very nice man

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came up to me very nice shook my hand talked

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to me for a while so we are very excited to present

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to you here pretty soon ramon and also uh franco

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over at Carollo, Italian market there. He's going

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to come on the podcast too. He's a huge Chiefs

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fan. And him and I have been jawing about the

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Chiefs forever now. And finally, you know, we're

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like, hey, we're back to podcasting. So, you

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know, Franco, you can get away. You can get away

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from the business for a little bit. Come on over,

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sit down, have a coffee and talk Chiefs with

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us. So we're looking forward to that too. Franco

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is a really, really cool guy. Um, and, uh, he,

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he is one of the people running that fine market

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there. And let me tell you something. The pistachio

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cake there is fucking, it's like heroin. They

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have this pistachio cake at Carollo's market.

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Oh my God. That thing is maybe the best cake

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I've ever had in my life. That and their lemon

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cake is off the hook. It's, uh, almost rivals

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the one at Garozo's and Garozo's lemon cake is

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insane. And they have the best cannolis in town,

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too. Not that they need a plug. You know, they

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do plenty good business. They've been around

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forever. People know them and love them. But

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Franco is going to be coming on this program,

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too. Or not this program, but the Sports Bastards

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when he gets a chance. And we're ready for that.

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So going into the show now, my opinion, Lowe's

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is the worst retail store ever. I've had nothing

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but bad experience with them for the last four

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years. The most recent until now was I buy a

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brand new mower from them last year. I think

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I probably told everybody about this, but we're

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going to go over it again really quick so I can

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tell you about the new problem that I have with

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them. Okay, Rob? Yeah. Okay. I have them deliver

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the Rider to us. It's a Rider mower. Brand new.

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Bought it. First off, the mower sat outside for

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at least a year and looked tarnished and definitely

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not new. The battery was dead, so I called the

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Lowe's store. The idiot in Lawn and Garden said

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that he couldn't replace the battery. I had to

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buy one. I'm like, okay. So I bought a mower.

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Everything's supposed to be brand new, but not

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the battery? Uh -uh. No, that's bullshit. So

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I demand to talk to a higher manager to speak

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with, and he said that... the same old i i told

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them i needed to return you know he said the

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same old so i told him i said all right then

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let's do it like this i want to return the mower

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i don't like it i also informed them that i would

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uh put in a con a contest to my credit card of

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the purchase if they didn't let me return it

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but they did All I had to do was, all they had

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to do was replace a battery and I wouldn't have

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bitched about it being old or anything like that,

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right? You know, I would have been like, all

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right, you guys work with me. You replace a battery.

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It may not look brand new, but I know it's, you

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know, it's never really been, you know, used

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before. It just sat outside. But now knowing

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what I know about mowers, I would never buy one

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that sat outside ever, ever. because you're opening

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up the whole system to different problems like

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fuel filter problems, fuel pump problems, all

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kinds of stuff, the condensation that gets in

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it. So I wouldn't do it now, but I was willing

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to work with them, and they would not give me

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a new battery for it. So I'm like, all right,

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you just take it back then, you idiots. So I

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go to Lowe's because of the convenience. It's

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one mile away from me, right? And that's the

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only reason I've been going to Lowe's. Like I

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said, all this is my opinion. You may love them

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and you can love them. I'm just telling you my

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experiences and my opinion here. So let's fast

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forward to current times. I use Lowe's delivery

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for some painting and drywall supplies that I

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need for a few projects. I have them delivered

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to the house. The next day, I get a text saying

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it's been delivered. Well, okay, cool, man. That

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was quick. Hell, yeah. Maybe Lowe's is on the

00:11:56.779 --> 00:11:58.720
inkling. You know, maybe Lowe's is making a comeback

00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:01.340
here, right? You know, I'm all happy. Yay, good.

00:12:01.460 --> 00:12:03.259
Yeah, they did something good finally. All right,

00:12:03.320 --> 00:12:05.120
good. I can get behind them. They're a mile away.

00:12:05.320 --> 00:12:10.399
I love it. So, yeah, it was only a five -gallon

00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:13.679
bucket of kills and nothing else because I need

00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:17.100
to put kills on the ceiling outside on the porch.

00:12:17.820 --> 00:12:21.659
Because it never really did get painted. It's

00:12:21.659 --> 00:12:24.600
been unfinished for quite a while. So, you know

00:12:24.600 --> 00:12:26.500
what I mean? You've got to put kills on it to

00:12:26.500 --> 00:12:29.139
kind of even it out when you put the paint and

00:12:29.139 --> 00:12:31.019
take some of the stain and stuff off, right?

00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:35.019
So they sent me the five -gallon bucket of kills.

00:12:35.759 --> 00:12:40.080
But nothing else. I had a bunch of other supplies.

00:12:40.299 --> 00:12:47.490
You know, tape, rollers, paintbrushes. sprayers,

00:12:47.490 --> 00:12:49.649
all this stuff, right? None of us with it. I'm

00:12:49.649 --> 00:12:52.929
like, man, that's weird. So the next few days,

00:12:52.929 --> 00:12:56.649
my schedule's just insane between work and other

00:12:56.649 --> 00:12:58.289
things that I had to do, the holidays coming

00:12:58.289 --> 00:13:01.450
up and everything. So I didn't have time to call

00:13:01.450 --> 00:13:03.830
or investigate the bullshit that they left on

00:13:03.830 --> 00:13:07.049
my plate, right? So I get another text saying

00:13:07.049 --> 00:13:10.690
the next day that I have items in a locker that

00:13:10.690 --> 00:13:12.990
I need to get with a code that they sent me,

00:13:13.029 --> 00:13:15.320
right? Okay, it says, hey, you have items in

00:13:15.320 --> 00:13:20.940
your locker. This is Lowe's. We have items in

00:13:20.940 --> 00:13:24.659
a locker. Actually, it didn't even say Lowe's.

00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:27.299
It just said, we have items in a locker. Here

00:13:27.299 --> 00:13:29.899
is your code. So I'm like, hmm, okay, well, I

00:13:29.899 --> 00:13:32.220
didn't get everything, so this must be it. So

00:13:32.220 --> 00:13:35.519
I was only familiar with Amazon lockers and FedEx

00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:38.000
and UPS lockers, you know. They have them at

00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:40.799
certain gas stations and such. It's designed

00:13:40.799 --> 00:13:45.289
to stop porch pirates, right? So I ordered something

00:13:45.289 --> 00:13:47.769
from Amazon before, and it said, all right, it's

00:13:47.769 --> 00:13:50.750
going to be at this gas station a mile away from

00:13:50.750 --> 00:13:53.789
you, and it's in this locker right here, number

00:13:53.789 --> 00:13:56.710
42, and they're all outside this gas station.

00:13:56.730 --> 00:13:59.509
There's a whole bunch of Amazon lockers, FedEx

00:13:59.509 --> 00:14:02.090
lockers, and UPS lockers. I said, all right,

00:14:02.129 --> 00:14:06.149
Amazon locker number 43, here's the code. I go

00:14:06.149 --> 00:14:08.090
over there to the gas station, I put in the code,

00:14:08.169 --> 00:14:09.649
and I get my stuff out of there. So I'm like

00:14:09.649 --> 00:14:13.309
thinking it's... It's UPS or FedEx, right? I'm

00:14:13.309 --> 00:14:15.730
not thinking Lowe's has lockers, right? I never

00:14:15.730 --> 00:14:19.990
knew they did, did you? Honestly, dude, you got

00:14:19.990 --> 00:14:23.509
me lost. Okay. I live in Lake of the Ozarks,

00:14:23.549 --> 00:14:26.230
moving to Wheatland. I'm not in the city. Okay,

00:14:26.269 --> 00:14:31.409
well. Yeah, we have Lowe's, but I haven't been

00:14:31.409 --> 00:14:34.590
in there in a while. But I doubt if we have that.

00:14:35.309 --> 00:14:41.049
Okay, well. I don't know. Probably when you get

00:14:41.049 --> 00:14:45.789
to Jeff City, Springfield. Oh, let's see. Bolivar

00:14:45.789 --> 00:14:51.409
might have a Lowe's. Let's see. Yeah, Osage Beach

00:14:51.409 --> 00:14:56.250
does. Okay, okay. I think maybe Bolivar. I don't

00:14:56.250 --> 00:14:58.330
know. I was just in Bolivar the other day, but

00:14:58.330 --> 00:15:00.690
I wasn't looking for Lowe's. I don't blame you.

00:15:00.730 --> 00:15:04.309
I'm not looking for them anymore either. So it

00:15:04.309 --> 00:15:07.389
has a link on it to give me all the info, right?

00:15:07.470 --> 00:15:10.129
So the link wouldn't work. So I scratch my head

00:15:10.129 --> 00:15:12.870
thinking, was this FedEx that dropped the ball?

00:15:12.990 --> 00:15:15.110
Because FedEx handles all the hazardous material

00:15:15.110 --> 00:15:18.309
deliveries. Paint is in that category, right?

00:15:19.149 --> 00:15:21.830
It has to be handled with somebody with a hazmat

00:15:21.830 --> 00:15:25.090
license, and that's only FedEx that I know of

00:15:25.090 --> 00:15:27.529
that delivers stuff like that. So I'm like, all

00:15:27.529 --> 00:15:29.809
right, it's got to be FedEx. I'm calling FedEx

00:15:29.809 --> 00:15:32.190
looking for answers, but they're clueless and

00:15:32.190 --> 00:15:35.090
with good reason. I call those in a couple of

00:15:35.090 --> 00:15:36.730
days when I have a minute, and they couldn't

00:15:36.730 --> 00:15:40.039
find it either. I call PayPal. And sure enough,

00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:42.159
Lowe's took out the full amount. So I'm like,

00:15:42.179 --> 00:15:45.639
all right, those bastards took out all the money

00:15:45.639 --> 00:15:48.039
for everything, and they didn't give me all my

00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.000
products. So I'm getting pretty pissed off at

00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:52.679
this time. Nobody knows a thing. Everybody's

00:15:52.679 --> 00:15:55.539
just like they are. Dumbasses sitting there looking

00:15:55.539 --> 00:16:00.559
around, you know, typical stupid ass. I go into

00:16:00.559 --> 00:16:02.679
Lowe's and question them. A guy comes over and

00:16:02.679 --> 00:16:06.080
asks me if they gave me a code. The front desk

00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:10.240
there knew nothing. I don't know. You had an

00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:12.840
order? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have the number?

00:16:13.480 --> 00:16:16.240
Well, I can look it up. So I give him the number.

00:16:16.899 --> 00:16:20.720
I don't see it anywhere. Are you sure? Because

00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:23.159
this is the number they gave me on here, on this

00:16:23.159 --> 00:16:26.240
text. No, no number. So then that's when the

00:16:26.240 --> 00:16:28.360
guy came up. He said, you have a code? He goes,

00:16:28.419 --> 00:16:30.879
yeah. He goes, that will not be in that system

00:16:30.879 --> 00:16:34.980
because this was a delivery. And I said, well,

00:16:35.059 --> 00:16:36.980
how can it be a delivery if it's here at Lowe's?

00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:39.799
He goes, did you have something dropped off?

00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:42.399
I go, yeah. He goes, all right. He goes, most

00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.000
likely they forgot to deliver it. And I said,

00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:48.740
then why the hell am I here? I ordered delivery.

00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:51.379
Why didn't they put that back on the truck the

00:16:51.379 --> 00:16:53.279
next day and make his happy ass come down and

00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:57.330
put it there? I said, I didn't put pickup anywhere

00:16:57.330 --> 00:17:01.129
on that. So why is it here? And why in the world

00:17:01.129 --> 00:17:03.070
do you send me a broken link that doesn't work?

00:17:03.169 --> 00:17:07.750
And why in the hell would you do this to me?

00:17:07.829 --> 00:17:10.650
You know, you guys drop the ball on every facet.

00:17:10.650 --> 00:17:12.829
And then I come up here and it takes me 20 minutes

00:17:12.829 --> 00:17:15.910
worth of bullshit to even get my stuff. And it

00:17:15.910 --> 00:17:17.269
takes someone that actually knew what they're

00:17:17.269 --> 00:17:19.470
doing to come over here and tell me, oh, the

00:17:19.470 --> 00:17:23.480
lockers are right over here. Use your code. All

00:17:23.480 --> 00:17:25.740
right, so I'm pretty pissed off, but I'm like,

00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:29.480
you know. I hate to break it, but I'm just telling

00:17:29.480 --> 00:17:31.759
you that's why I'm moving further into the sticks.

00:17:33.099 --> 00:17:35.099
Don't blame me. One of these days I'll be down

00:17:35.099 --> 00:17:38.079
there too, but right now I cannot. Right now

00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:41.259
I cannot. Look, I mean, there are a lot of different

00:17:41.259 --> 00:17:43.599
things going on. I have medical issues. I have

00:17:43.599 --> 00:17:45.279
heart issues. I got all different kinds of stuff

00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:48.339
going on. My mom does. Val does. So, I mean,

00:17:48.339 --> 00:17:50.440
I'm never going to be able to move down there

00:17:50.440 --> 00:17:52.950
where I want to. But I might be able to move

00:17:52.950 --> 00:17:55.589
down in Cass County where, you know, I lived

00:17:55.589 --> 00:17:58.390
a good portion of my life. Because there are

00:17:58.390 --> 00:18:00.769
hospitals you can get to quick in Kansas City.

00:18:01.170 --> 00:18:04.269
The one in Harrisonville isn't too bad. They

00:18:04.269 --> 00:18:06.049
could probably save your life and ship you somewhere

00:18:06.049 --> 00:18:09.410
that can really help you, you know. Ship you

00:18:09.410 --> 00:18:11.890
back to Kansas City. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like,

00:18:12.029 --> 00:18:16.390
okay, okay, he's breathing. Now, send him up

00:18:16.390 --> 00:18:18.849
the river here. Send him up there. So, you know.

00:18:22.789 --> 00:18:27.009
No, no, no, no, no, no. Belton may be worse than

00:18:27.009 --> 00:18:33.089
the Clinton Golden Valley death camp. Oh, my

00:18:33.089 --> 00:18:39.730
God. I'm not even going to get into that. No,

00:18:39.970 --> 00:18:42.789
no. If I'm in that ambulance and I look up and

00:18:42.789 --> 00:18:45.890
I see Belton, I'm like, fuck you guys. No. If

00:18:45.890 --> 00:18:51.680
you guys drop me off there. I'm Ubering. I'm

00:18:51.680 --> 00:18:54.619
Ubering up to Menorah or St. Luke South. I'm

00:18:54.619 --> 00:18:59.059
not fucking with this. So, yeah, they'll send

00:18:59.059 --> 00:19:02.480
me out at Belton Research, and I'll promptly

00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:05.720
be walking out that hallway, fucking giving them

00:19:05.720 --> 00:19:08.259
a double barrel and saying, no, you guys, no,

00:19:08.440 --> 00:19:10.960
no, no, no, no, no. I'm calling an Uber from

00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:14.279
their emergency room and fucking taking it to

00:19:14.279 --> 00:19:19.970
Menorah or St. Luke South or something. So, yeah,

00:19:20.049 --> 00:19:31.769
so anyhow, God, I'm getting way off base here.

00:19:31.829 --> 00:19:38.859
No, no, no, no, no. Rob, it was very entertaining

00:19:38.859 --> 00:19:41.160
what you interject with. I loved it. So it's

00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:43.779
fine. I'm just trying to get back on track here.

00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:46.980
So I'm done with Lowe's forever now. But you

00:19:46.980 --> 00:19:49.480
want to know the capper was that really, really

00:19:49.480 --> 00:19:54.339
just fucking steamed me. Okay. I opened the locker.

00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:58.539
Okay. And all my paint supplies are in there.

00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:01.980
But on top of it is a little mini bag of gummy

00:20:01.980 --> 00:20:06.559
bears. Is that their way of apologizing? Yes,

00:20:06.740 --> 00:20:10.940
I'm not kidding you. A mini bag. A little mini,

00:20:11.079 --> 00:20:15.480
small little bag. It looked like, let me think,

00:20:15.619 --> 00:20:18.960
like a Bazooka Joe bubble gum thing. That's how

00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:22.019
small, yeah. And it had little mini gummy bears

00:20:22.019 --> 00:20:27.099
in there. And I'm like, who in the fuck would

00:20:27.099 --> 00:20:31.640
put that on my stuff after they gave me the runaround

00:20:31.640 --> 00:20:35.420
for three days? Is this their form of apology

00:20:35.420 --> 00:20:39.160
saying, yeah, we're stupid ass? That better be

00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:42.940
a 10 -pound bag of gummy bears. And not gummy

00:20:42.940 --> 00:20:45.319
bears. Something good. It better be Snickers

00:20:45.319 --> 00:20:47.960
bars or something. Gummy bears, fuck them. Yeah,

00:20:48.500 --> 00:20:51.400
gummy bears came from the pit of hell. Gummy

00:20:51.400 --> 00:20:54.000
bears, you can break up between your grandkids.

00:20:54.299 --> 00:20:59.500
Yes, you know what? I take that. I throw it on

00:20:59.500 --> 00:21:04.019
the floor. First thing. I take the painting supplies

00:21:04.019 --> 00:21:07.720
to the front desk, and I say, I want a refund.

00:21:07.980 --> 00:21:09.859
They say, didn't you just come in here to get

00:21:09.859 --> 00:21:12.380
them? Yes. What's wrong with them? I said, what's

00:21:12.380 --> 00:21:14.019
wrong with them is you didn't deliver them, so

00:21:14.019 --> 00:21:16.619
I bought these things from somewhere else. That's

00:21:16.619 --> 00:21:20.480
what's wrong. Oh. Why weren't they delivered

00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:23.000
with everything else? Oh, the delivery driver

00:21:23.000 --> 00:21:25.380
probably didn't see them. Why weren't they delivered

00:21:25.380 --> 00:21:28.819
to me the next day? No, our policy is if we miss

00:21:28.819 --> 00:21:30.619
a delivery, it comes up here to a locker, and

00:21:30.619 --> 00:21:32.829
you have to get it. So that's interesting. I

00:21:32.829 --> 00:21:37.089
never saw that anywhere. Right. Okay, so I get

00:21:37.089 --> 00:21:39.109
my stuff refunded. On my way out, I go, by the

00:21:39.109 --> 00:21:40.829
way, there's a bag of gummy bears on the floor.

00:21:40.910 --> 00:21:42.730
You might pick it up before someone steps on

00:21:42.730 --> 00:21:47.809
it. And I walked off. So I'm done with them forever

00:21:47.809 --> 00:21:51.049
now. Lowe's, in my opinion, all this is my opinion,

00:21:51.190 --> 00:21:55.390
okay? Lowe's trumps Walmart as the absolute worst

00:21:55.390 --> 00:22:00.920
retailer ever, in my opinion. They are... Fucking

00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:04.740
horrible, in my opinion. So I'm never, I'm never

00:22:04.740 --> 00:22:07.759
even, man, if I see a Lowe's, I'm likely to fucking

00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:10.619
throw up or run off the road. So I got to look

00:22:10.619 --> 00:22:13.240
away if I know there's a Lowe's there. I despise

00:22:13.240 --> 00:22:16.920
them now. So, you know, I couldn't believe that

00:22:16.920 --> 00:22:19.420
they made a mistake in having it delivered. And

00:22:19.420 --> 00:22:21.880
then they, you know, it infuriates me that not

00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:23.700
only do they make me go get it, but then they

00:22:23.700 --> 00:22:27.099
put a packet of gummy bears on top, many gummy

00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:30.210
bears, not even a real pack. It's like a three

00:22:30.210 --> 00:22:35.309
-cent. Small packet. You know, I broke into the

00:22:35.309 --> 00:22:37.470
Kills paint because I only have one day off at

00:22:37.470 --> 00:22:41.150
that point. So I had to break into the Kills

00:22:41.150 --> 00:22:44.210
paint because it's all I had, you know. So otherwise,

00:22:44.329 --> 00:22:45.670
I would have taken that back, too, and said,

00:22:45.690 --> 00:22:47.589
shove every one of these up your ass. When you

00:22:47.589 --> 00:22:49.130
get done shoving them up your ass, have someone

00:22:49.130 --> 00:22:51.069
pull them out and then shove them back up your

00:22:51.069 --> 00:22:55.369
ass. At least you got something done. Yes. Yeah.

00:22:55.509 --> 00:22:58.930
Well, I got more done today, so. But tomorrow,

00:22:59.230 --> 00:23:02.509
the taupe paint, or taupe, I guess is how you

00:23:02.509 --> 00:23:06.009
spell it, or how you pronounce it, taupe. Tomorrow,

00:23:06.009 --> 00:23:08.309
taupe paint from Home Depot. I already got it.

00:23:09.410 --> 00:23:11.869
And they did very well. I got bare paint, which

00:23:11.869 --> 00:23:14.250
is great paint. And you probably know that. Yes,

00:23:14.329 --> 00:23:17.480
it is. And the taupe was perfect color, like

00:23:17.480 --> 00:23:19.720
I wanted it to be, just exactly like I liked

00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:21.680
it. It spread on good, and that's going to be

00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:24.980
great trim for the house, the taupe. So, and

00:23:24.980 --> 00:23:27.680
then all the plastering and stuff and the kills

00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:30.759
that I had to do on top is starting to come out

00:23:30.759 --> 00:23:32.559
pretty nice. So I'm pretty happy with it, just

00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:36.619
lows. So, but Rob, I've got a question, okay?

00:23:38.220 --> 00:23:40.880
I might have an answer. Why do they say don't

00:23:40.880 --> 00:23:49.700
drown your food if it's already dead? Good question.

00:23:50.799 --> 00:23:52.539
Remember I said don't drown your food? I don't

00:23:52.539 --> 00:23:56.059
want you to drown in sauce. Well, it's already

00:23:56.059 --> 00:24:00.180
dead. Why do they care? You know? Sauce is bad

00:24:00.180 --> 00:24:03.880
for you. Oh, is that what it is? I don't know.

00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:09.160
I have a clue. Well, I know that red sauce increases

00:24:09.160 --> 00:24:12.920
inflammation, and people like me that have arthritis,

00:24:13.180 --> 00:24:16.660
it's not good to have too much of it. Which we

00:24:16.660 --> 00:24:19.930
didn't cook. Ah, yeah, yeah. Ketchup, pasta sauce,

00:24:20.150 --> 00:24:22.829
fuck no. I'm not giving that up. I don't know.

00:24:23.069 --> 00:24:25.750
I don't have a clue what that means. No, anyhow.

00:24:27.130 --> 00:24:32.430
I've heard it. Yeah, no, it used to be an old

00:24:32.430 --> 00:24:34.069
thing. They used to tell kids, don't drown your

00:24:34.069 --> 00:24:37.769
food. I wish I would have known back then. Because

00:24:37.769 --> 00:24:39.369
I didn't know what the hell they were talking

00:24:39.369 --> 00:24:41.769
about. I was just like, fuck you, man. This ketchup's

00:24:41.769 --> 00:24:44.230
pretty damn good. I'm going to keep putting it

00:24:44.230 --> 00:24:47.630
on everything. Fuck off. Then I discovered pasta

00:24:47.630 --> 00:24:50.190
sauce. I'm like, nah, this goes on everything.

00:24:50.529 --> 00:24:55.650
Yeah, yeah, you know. And now you wonder why

00:24:55.650 --> 00:24:59.789
you're seeing that. You know what? I did paint

00:24:59.789 --> 00:25:02.930
that picture, didn't I? Didn't I? Yes. And tonight

00:25:02.930 --> 00:25:06.089
was. Oh, I'm dealing with it too a little bit.

00:25:06.230 --> 00:25:08.730
So don't worry. You know what? We all do. We

00:25:08.730 --> 00:25:10.369
get older and that's the way it is, you know.

00:25:10.369 --> 00:25:13.029
But I'm pretty much convinced of this. All right.

00:25:13.170 --> 00:25:18.099
I watch people. live so well watch their including

00:25:18.099 --> 00:25:21.380
my dad he was a health food fanatic he never

00:25:21.380 --> 00:25:23.720
put anything in his body that was bad yeah remember

00:25:23.720 --> 00:25:26.140
he used to have all this health food stuff well

00:25:26.140 --> 00:25:28.619
he owned a health food store in lawrence kansas

00:25:28.619 --> 00:25:32.460
for a while um and he used to eat nothing but

00:25:32.460 --> 00:25:39.440
health foods died at 55 in 1993 um yeah did him

00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:47.809
no good none Yeah, he'd be like, that stuff's

00:25:47.809 --> 00:25:54.029
going to kill you, boy. Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah,

00:25:54.109 --> 00:25:55.710
he was a health food freak, that's for sure.

00:25:55.809 --> 00:25:59.410
But, you know, I think he took the health food

00:25:59.410 --> 00:26:01.450
thing too far. I don't think he believed in taking

00:26:01.450 --> 00:26:04.369
statins and all that. And I think that may have

00:26:04.369 --> 00:26:08.690
led to some of his heart problems. With modern

00:26:08.690 --> 00:26:11.609
medicine, I'm able to put mine off and hopefully

00:26:11.609 --> 00:26:14.990
for a long time because we have statins and stuff

00:26:14.990 --> 00:26:19.309
like that that can help your arteries clear or

00:26:19.309 --> 00:26:24.349
stay clear. And also he had the angioplasty before

00:26:24.349 --> 00:26:27.069
they put stents in it. And the reason they started

00:26:27.069 --> 00:26:29.869
putting stents in it is because a lot of times

00:26:29.869 --> 00:26:32.920
the blockage would come right back. And it would

00:26:32.920 --> 00:26:34.819
happen like what my dad was. He went to work

00:26:34.819 --> 00:26:41.000
that day, didn't come home. So anyhow, in retail

00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:43.859
news, I just talked about Lowe's. Walmart has

00:26:43.859 --> 00:26:46.140
decided to close all of its stores on Thanksgiving.

00:26:46.539 --> 00:26:50.339
So all of its hardworking self -checkout customers

00:26:50.339 --> 00:26:55.359
can be at home with their families. Yeah. I heard

00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:58.190
that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know what? You

00:26:58.190 --> 00:27:00.569
don't have the option. You can't go self -checkout

00:27:00.569 --> 00:27:02.670
for Walmart. You got to stay home with your family.

00:27:02.809 --> 00:27:06.710
There you go. So, all right. I've got something

00:27:06.710 --> 00:27:09.589
run by you and I want your confirmation or I

00:27:09.589 --> 00:27:11.190
don't think you're on to something at Walmart.

00:27:11.309 --> 00:27:14.289
Shut up. Okay. I want one or the other. Okay.

00:27:14.349 --> 00:27:17.869
So let me run this by you. Okay. I've got this.

00:27:18.670 --> 00:27:20.569
It's kind of weird. Okay. I'll explain this.

00:27:21.329 --> 00:27:23.329
Let's say you and I are working together, right?

00:27:23.799 --> 00:27:26.720
And I say, hey, Rob. We've done that before.

00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:28.420
Yeah, we have plenty of times. That's how we

00:27:28.420 --> 00:27:33.240
met. That is how we met, yeah. I say, hey, Rob,

00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:35.660
could you go grab that box and bring it to me?

00:27:35.740 --> 00:27:38.960
It's kind of heavy. Well, that sounds kind of

00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:41.339
lazy, right, on my part? I'm standing there,

00:27:41.460 --> 00:27:44.160
right? And you're kind of like, you know, you're

00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:46.519
like, you'll do it because we're friends. But

00:27:46.519 --> 00:27:48.279
you're thinking, why the fuck can't he do it?

00:27:49.140 --> 00:27:51.160
How come I got to go lift this heavy thing and

00:27:51.160 --> 00:27:54.099
bring it to him, right? Okay. so and i'm the

00:27:54.099 --> 00:28:01.359
small dude yeah yeah so let's yes so um okay

00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:05.579
so now let's do this rob could you go get that

00:28:05.579 --> 00:28:08.400
box and bring it to me it's kind of heavy please

00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:12.799
and thank you already that may help rob yeah

00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:15.740
yeah you see what i'm saying that's like the

00:28:15.740 --> 00:28:18.160
new catchphrase that's like the get by with anything

00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:21.069
phrase now Thank you. Please and thank you. All

00:28:21.069 --> 00:28:22.890
of a sudden, that seals the deal. And then you

00:28:22.890 --> 00:28:25.450
follow it up with, you're the best. It's almost

00:28:25.450 --> 00:28:28.829
like doing you a favor. No, no. The one thing

00:28:28.829 --> 00:28:33.789
I've been hearing, I appreciate you. Yes, that's

00:28:33.789 --> 00:28:38.049
it. Yeah. I appreciate you. Yeah. I appreciate

00:28:38.049 --> 00:28:41.630
you. That may be more than you're the best, actually.

00:28:41.690 --> 00:28:43.230
You're on to something there with that. Yeah,

00:28:43.269 --> 00:28:56.609
you got exactly what I'm saying. They say it

00:28:56.609 --> 00:28:59.170
up here, too. They say it up here a lot, too.

00:28:59.549 --> 00:29:03.450
Yeah, it's a lot down here. Yeah, yeah, and it's

00:29:03.450 --> 00:29:05.930
like a catchphrase to get by with anything. It's

00:29:05.930 --> 00:29:10.450
like, hey, could you run a mile over there, pick

00:29:10.450 --> 00:29:12.430
up that wheelbarrow, and run a mile back? Please

00:29:12.430 --> 00:29:16.029
and thank you. I appreciate you. Yeah, yeah,

00:29:16.049 --> 00:29:18.069
I'll go do it. You don't want to, but you got

00:29:18.069 --> 00:29:32.549
it. We'll see you down. Actually, I think they

00:29:32.549 --> 00:29:36.210
do that here too. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's

00:29:36.210 --> 00:29:38.670
kind of like... That's the trick. That's the

00:29:38.670 --> 00:29:41.950
trick. Yeah. And that is what nails you right

00:29:41.950 --> 00:29:44.650
there is a please and thank you. I appreciate

00:29:44.650 --> 00:29:46.369
you. By that time, you're committed. There's

00:29:46.369 --> 00:29:48.890
nothing you can do. They got you. Yeah. So...

00:29:48.890 --> 00:29:51.849
Yeah. Okay. I just want to make sure that...

00:29:51.849 --> 00:29:54.150
Thanks for confirming it with me and people are

00:29:54.150 --> 00:29:55.769
probably listening to this going, what the fuck's

00:29:55.769 --> 00:29:57.910
wrong with him? But no, I think we're on to something

00:29:57.910 --> 00:30:04.089
there. All right. No, we... No, it's true. What's

00:30:04.089 --> 00:30:08.049
that other one up in here? There's several. Yeah.

00:30:08.470 --> 00:30:14.190
Okay. I go to Casey's. I have this kid that works

00:30:14.190 --> 00:30:35.859
nights. Okay. Yeah, it's like, what's perfect?

00:30:37.059 --> 00:30:39.220
What do you mean it's perfect? You're that lazy

00:30:39.220 --> 00:30:48.859
that you can't ring up one more thing? It is.

00:30:54.740 --> 00:31:05.950
It is. Also... That's a great example too, Rob.

00:31:06.130 --> 00:31:09.529
You know, up here, here's... It does not happen.

00:31:09.990 --> 00:31:13.829
No, no, nope, I agree. Especially in a Casey's

00:31:13.829 --> 00:31:16.710
store at night. There's no such thing as perfect

00:31:16.710 --> 00:31:21.769
around there. Well, it's a younger generation.

00:31:22.089 --> 00:31:26.029
No, I know. And actually, it's... He's like 21,

00:31:26.230 --> 00:31:31.710
25, you know. I got you. He's a Z -er. Yeah,

00:31:31.710 --> 00:31:42.579
all... Well, also, that's what it is right there.

00:31:43.799 --> 00:31:47.140
Okay, up here, here's where I hear perfect a

00:31:47.140 --> 00:31:49.720
lot. Let's say you're in a doctor's office, okay?

00:31:50.660 --> 00:31:52.839
And you got to give all this information, okay?

00:31:52.940 --> 00:31:54.619
And you write it all down and you bring it to

00:31:54.619 --> 00:31:57.019
them. And the first thing they say, okay, look

00:31:57.019 --> 00:31:59.359
it over. Okay, it looks like everything's here.

00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:07.450
Perfect. That's where I hear perfect a lot. Yeah,

00:32:07.549 --> 00:32:20.190
until you give your copay. Perfect. Yo, next

00:32:20.190 --> 00:32:21.890
time, like, point at him and go, what'd you mean?

00:32:22.430 --> 00:32:28.109
Just to freak him out. Oh, have you? All right.

00:32:29.069 --> 00:33:16.049
Go. uh -huh Why the hell were you standing there?

00:33:16.170 --> 00:33:26.410
Didn't he ever question that? Yeah, yeah, I'd

00:33:26.410 --> 00:33:32.349
say. Well, now I can put it all together now.

00:33:32.410 --> 00:33:34.869
I got it now. I got the person you're talking

00:33:34.869 --> 00:33:44.759
about now. Exactly. Thank you, Rob. No, not now.

00:33:45.960 --> 00:34:04.079
That would piss me off so bad because... I mean,

00:34:04.119 --> 00:34:06.819
what does that guy think? You know, you're just

00:34:06.819 --> 00:34:15.960
standing there looking at... See, I would have

00:34:15.960 --> 00:34:17.420
thought he was screwing with me. I would have

00:34:17.420 --> 00:34:21.179
been like, ha ha, okay, good one. No, the funny

00:34:21.179 --> 00:34:23.880
thing is, to this day, he still thinks he's my

00:34:23.880 --> 00:34:28.300
best buddy. Oh, that's even worse. That's like

00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:32.659
the midget up in Massachusetts. I just let it

00:34:32.659 --> 00:34:37.579
go. I just let it go. Okay, first off, this is

00:34:37.579 --> 00:34:39.139
a slightly different thing before we get into

00:34:39.139 --> 00:34:42.079
everything else again, but there was this guy

00:34:42.079 --> 00:34:43.940
up in Massachusetts when I was working there.

00:34:45.829 --> 00:34:50.230
And anyhow, he was a midget, right? And so I

00:34:50.230 --> 00:34:53.690
kind of got this little people. Okay. I kind

00:34:53.690 --> 00:34:56.210
of got this phobia. They freak me out. They freak

00:34:56.210 --> 00:35:02.309
me out. Okay. Okay. Little people. And I can't

00:35:02.309 --> 00:35:06.889
help it. They freak me out. And so this guy,

00:35:06.989 --> 00:35:10.170
every time he's seen me, I was his best friend.

00:35:10.409 --> 00:35:13.320
And I couldn't do anything about it. He'd come

00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:15.639
up and go, hey, how you doing, Mark? And hug

00:35:15.639 --> 00:35:20.019
me. And I'm like going, I can't help it. I feel

00:35:20.019 --> 00:35:22.679
bad, but I got this thing where I just like freak

00:35:22.679 --> 00:35:25.619
out. It's like they should not look, you know

00:35:25.619 --> 00:35:29.119
what I mean? You know, their body isn't proportionate

00:35:29.119 --> 00:35:31.320
and they, you know, and all that stuff. And they

00:35:31.320 --> 00:35:33.460
got that forehead thing going on. Nothing against

00:35:33.460 --> 00:35:35.760
them. They're great people, you know, but it

00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:39.349
freaks me out and I can't help it. He thought

00:35:39.349 --> 00:35:41.949
I was his best friend from day one when I was

00:35:41.949 --> 00:35:43.710
sitting in a lobby having a yin -ling because

00:35:43.710 --> 00:35:45.869
every Tuesday night they gave you free drinks

00:35:45.869 --> 00:35:48.369
there at the hotel. So, you know, I was like,

00:35:48.389 --> 00:35:49.730
hell yeah, I'll go out there. I'll have some

00:35:49.730 --> 00:35:52.869
drinks, right? And he'd come over and sit next

00:35:52.869 --> 00:35:54.969
to me the first night I was there and starts

00:35:54.969 --> 00:35:57.250
talking to me. And, you know, you can't be rude

00:35:57.250 --> 00:36:00.329
to him. I'm sorry. You guys freak me out. Stay

00:36:00.329 --> 00:36:02.469
away from me. So I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

00:36:02.590 --> 00:36:04.510
yeah, yeah. So then after that, he thought we

00:36:04.510 --> 00:36:07.159
were best friends. And every time I see him,

00:36:07.159 --> 00:36:08.780
he'd come up and give me a big hug. How are you

00:36:08.780 --> 00:36:11.239
doing today, Mark? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was thinking,

00:36:11.239 --> 00:36:13.159
we were talking yesterday about this. Did you

00:36:13.159 --> 00:36:14.940
ever think about this? I'm like thinking, fuck

00:36:14.940 --> 00:36:16.800
no, I never thought about this. The only thing

00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:18.440
I thought about was getting the hell away from

00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:23.139
you. But anyhow. Dude, you're like me. Don't

00:36:23.139 --> 00:36:28.039
you hate being popular? Yes, yes. I'll tell you

00:36:28.039 --> 00:36:30.460
what. It was just kind of like when we were teenagers.

00:36:36.809 --> 00:36:39.550
Sometimes it really sucks because you really

00:36:39.550 --> 00:36:42.690
want to hurt somebody. Now, if you remember when

00:36:42.690 --> 00:36:48.809
we had our hair, we were like the Pied Piper

00:36:48.809 --> 00:36:53.190
of teenagers. They would look at us and think,

00:36:53.250 --> 00:36:55.369
there's where the party is, and they would follow

00:36:55.369 --> 00:36:58.429
us around and be our best friend. I kind of got

00:36:58.429 --> 00:37:00.329
used to it back then. It used to annoy me back

00:37:00.329 --> 00:37:02.329
then, too. It's like, shit, get away from me,

00:37:02.369 --> 00:37:05.179
man. I don't want to discuss whatever you're

00:37:05.179 --> 00:37:07.300
talking about. Yeah, yeah, it was you and the

00:37:07.300 --> 00:37:10.579
short -haired dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they wanted

00:37:10.579 --> 00:37:14.280
to be cool or whatever, you know. Yeah, they

00:37:14.280 --> 00:37:16.420
used to irritate the piss out of me, but, you

00:37:16.420 --> 00:37:19.219
know, you couldn't go, I really don't need any

00:37:19.219 --> 00:37:21.019
more friends. Could you please get the fuck away

00:37:21.019 --> 00:37:26.260
from me? You know, but, nah. Okay, so, with Val's

00:37:26.260 --> 00:37:28.539
new Jeep, we bought the bumper -to -bumper warranty,

00:37:28.619 --> 00:37:32.280
right? We received this letter in the mail. The

00:37:32.280 --> 00:37:34.539
letter states that we need to call this number

00:37:34.539 --> 00:37:37.199
and add additional information to our warranty,

00:37:37.340 --> 00:37:41.300
or otherwise it would be void after a certain

00:37:41.300 --> 00:37:43.559
amount of time, right? I think it's like it said,

00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:46.800
if you don't call us and answer this information,

00:37:47.159 --> 00:37:50.639
we're going to void your warranty, okay? So I

00:37:50.639 --> 00:37:52.480
grab the letter and start to call when I get

00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:54.739
to thinking. The warranty had already been used

00:37:54.739 --> 00:37:57.599
when the Jeep had that computer module issue.

00:37:57.679 --> 00:37:59.480
Remember I told you about it? I think I told

00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:02.559
you about it on the podcast. Yeah. I used it.

00:38:02.820 --> 00:38:06.119
I know that. Yeah, we used a warranty, and the

00:38:06.119 --> 00:38:08.880
warranty paid for it, no issue. So I was like,

00:38:08.960 --> 00:38:11.079
that does not sound right. I already used it,

00:38:11.159 --> 00:38:13.360
but they said they're going to avoid it if I

00:38:13.360 --> 00:38:14.980
don't give them certain information. I was like,

00:38:14.980 --> 00:38:17.239
I would not have been able to use it. I look

00:38:17.239 --> 00:38:19.000
over the letter a little bit better, and I see

00:38:19.000 --> 00:38:20.880
at the bottom in the fine print it says, this

00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:24.199
is an advertisement used for advertisement purposes

00:38:24.199 --> 00:38:28.440
only. Oh, well, fuck. Okay, well, it looked just

00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:32.579
like a letter that said, You better call us,

00:38:32.639 --> 00:38:35.760
otherwise we have your warning, and if you don't

00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:38.340
answer questions, we're going to cut your warning

00:38:38.340 --> 00:38:40.059
off, right? That's what it looked like. I know

00:38:40.059 --> 00:38:43.920
exactly where you're going with this, Jess. Okay,

00:38:43.960 --> 00:38:46.679
many people, especially elderly, would fall victim

00:38:46.679 --> 00:38:50.280
to this. I mean, almost did. This company is

00:38:50.280 --> 00:38:53.039
fucking evil. I sent a copy of it to the Missouri

00:38:53.039 --> 00:38:55.440
Attorney General. I hope they get after these

00:38:55.440 --> 00:38:58.159
frauds, because I could see a lot of people.

00:38:58.969 --> 00:39:01.269
A lot of elderly especially going, oh, shit.

00:39:01.809 --> 00:39:05.250
Hey, hey, hey, Martha, come over here. Can you

00:39:05.250 --> 00:39:08.190
call this number? I don't have my eyes on. You

00:39:08.190 --> 00:39:13.429
know, I can see that. So, all right. So, anyhow,

00:39:13.530 --> 00:39:18.630
Rob, I'm through with gummies, right? I baked

00:39:18.630 --> 00:39:22.750
a pizza. I baked a pizza for 400 minutes at 15

00:39:22.750 --> 00:39:24.829
degrees, and the bastard came out colder than

00:39:24.829 --> 00:39:30.789
when I put it in. Nah, I'm going to stick with

00:39:30.789 --> 00:39:38.929
gummies. Yeah. After that, order Domino's. Yes,

00:39:38.929 --> 00:39:43.909
I did. No, do not order Domino's. They are too

00:39:43.909 --> 00:39:48.590
damn expensive during the week. Really? I didn't

00:39:48.590 --> 00:40:09.219
know. Oh my God, dude. Last night. Uh -huh. Yeah,

00:40:09.219 --> 00:40:11.780
yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like a casserole.

00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:21.519
I know, and it's mushy, and it's not nearly as

00:40:21.519 --> 00:40:29.739
good as it should be. Anyhow. The one I get is

00:40:29.739 --> 00:40:44.199
mushy. Yeah. For both of them? And that's $34

00:40:44.199 --> 00:40:48.719
for just those two? Yep. That's fucking ridiculous.

00:40:50.099 --> 00:40:53.019
And there's not much to them. They're small.

00:40:57.440 --> 00:41:13.559
Okay, I didn't know that. Wow. Wow. Well, it

00:41:13.559 --> 00:41:16.380
was a weeknight. It was a weeknight. Shit is

00:41:16.380 --> 00:41:19.380
more expensive off weeknights than it is weekends.

00:41:19.579 --> 00:41:24.159
I've already tested that theory. Okay. Yeah.

00:41:24.659 --> 00:41:27.179
Order something Thursday night, order Friday

00:41:27.179 --> 00:41:31.059
night. I guarantee it's like $10 cheap. Jeez.

00:41:31.199 --> 00:41:35.820
Okay. Pizza Hut or Domino's or wherever. Okay.

00:41:36.639 --> 00:41:40.699
Anywhere that has delivery, I hear. I finally...

00:41:41.320 --> 00:41:45.780
I guarantee you get like $10 cheaper riding through

00:41:45.780 --> 00:41:49.679
Sunday. Okay. All right. I'll retest it at 30.

00:41:49.900 --> 00:41:52.760
Okay. I believe it. I can believe it because

00:41:52.760 --> 00:41:54.500
during the week they get less business. They

00:41:54.500 --> 00:41:56.340
have to charge more to keep their doors open.

00:41:56.360 --> 00:42:00.699
Exactly. Especially in small areas. Yes. Because

00:42:00.699 --> 00:42:03.920
dominoes, although they have universal stuff,

00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:08.070
they do. They all make their own rules, because

00:42:08.070 --> 00:42:10.949
there's a Domino's up here that has all these

00:42:10.949 --> 00:42:13.610
specials a mile away from me, and then there's

00:42:13.610 --> 00:42:15.710
one over in Grandview that doesn't adhere to

00:42:15.710 --> 00:42:18.190
any of them. They're like, no, we don't have

00:42:18.190 --> 00:42:21.989
anything. So, yeah. So, yeah, I can see that.

00:42:22.349 --> 00:42:27.610
In my mind, that Tater Tot, that cheddar bacon

00:42:27.610 --> 00:42:31.309
Tater Tot, in my mind, should have been like

00:42:31.309 --> 00:43:20.289
$7 .99. Yes. Yes. Wow. No, no, no. Wow. Well,

00:43:26.250 --> 00:43:29.190
I think, yeah, yeah, basically it sounds like

00:43:29.190 --> 00:43:33.690
it. Honestly, Pizza Hut does the same thing down

00:43:33.690 --> 00:43:39.579
here. Their price is a lot more expensive. It's

00:43:39.579 --> 00:43:42.380
regional in the Lake area because they have to

00:43:42.380 --> 00:43:44.159
rely on the people that live there instead of

00:43:44.159 --> 00:43:47.940
the people that come there. So, yeah, okay, I

00:43:47.940 --> 00:43:51.219
get it. All right, Rob, have you ever heard of

00:43:51.219 --> 00:43:56.199
the bird theory? No. Let's have the new guy explain.

00:43:56.400 --> 00:43:58.219
That's, you know, he's a dick, but we paid him

00:43:58.219 --> 00:43:59.840
already. You want to have the new guy explain?

00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:05.619
I enjoyed my vacation from him. Okay. I'm sorry.

00:44:05.699 --> 00:44:10.340
Hey, we already paid him. Listen, he is so surly.

00:44:10.380 --> 00:44:13.039
I actually like giving him tasks like this because

00:44:13.039 --> 00:44:16.480
it pisses him off. Well, hey, you got a good

00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:20.460
point. Yeah, he does get a little pissy about

00:44:20.460 --> 00:44:23.480
it. As long as he don't take it out on me and

00:44:23.480 --> 00:44:27.199
you. Well, you never know with him. He should

00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:30.400
have taken it out on the subject, dude. Yeah,

00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:34.340
yeah. So, all right. New guy? Have at it. Bird

00:44:34.340 --> 00:44:39.389
theory. Explain it, please. Uh, hello. This is

00:44:39.389 --> 00:44:41.710
the new guy, and I think I'm supposed to talk

00:44:41.710 --> 00:44:45.130
to you guys about the bird theory or some bullshit.

00:44:45.710 --> 00:44:49.449
These two guys, they're morons. Can you please

00:44:49.449 --> 00:44:53.070
get them to leave me alone? Anyhow, the bird

00:44:53.070 --> 00:44:55.869
theory is a viral relationship test that measures

00:44:55.869 --> 00:44:58.570
a couple's emotional connection by seeing how

00:44:58.570 --> 00:45:00.809
they react to a casual comment about a bird.

00:45:01.110 --> 00:45:04.369
The test is based on psychologist John Gottman's

00:45:04.369 --> 00:45:07.440
bid for connection research. which suggests that

00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:09.719
consistently responding to a partner's small

00:45:09.719 --> 00:45:12.719
attempts to connect is crucial for relationship

00:45:12.719 --> 00:45:16.420
longevity. A positive response like asking questions

00:45:16.420 --> 00:45:19.739
or engaging with a topic indicates a strong connection,

00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:22.559
while dismissal or a lack of interest signals

00:45:22.559 --> 00:45:26.579
potential problems. There's a video out that

00:45:26.579 --> 00:45:29.539
explains exactly what the Bird Theory is as it

00:45:29.539 --> 00:45:31.980
relates to Goddam's research on relationship

00:45:31.980 --> 00:45:36.820
bids. This would be one bid. One partner casually

00:45:36.820 --> 00:45:39.019
points out a bird with a statement like, look

00:45:39.019 --> 00:45:41.559
at that bird. The bird itself is not important.

00:45:41.699 --> 00:45:44.760
It's a small, low stakes bid for attention and

00:45:44.760 --> 00:45:47.179
connection. The response, the other partner's

00:45:47.179 --> 00:45:49.659
reaction is what matters. The positive sign,

00:45:49.900 --> 00:45:52.699
they respond with curiosity and engagement, such

00:45:52.699 --> 00:45:55.260
as asking questions about the bird, sharing their

00:45:55.260 --> 00:45:58.219
own observations, or continuing the conversation.

00:45:58.539 --> 00:46:01.440
This indicates they are turning toward the bid

00:46:01.440 --> 00:46:04.309
for connection. The negative sign, they ignore

00:46:04.309 --> 00:46:06.409
the comment, change the subject, or react with

00:46:06.409 --> 00:46:09.469
annoyance. This is interpreted as turning away

00:46:09.469 --> 00:46:12.269
and can be a sign of emotional disconnection.

00:46:13.429 --> 00:46:15.769
Okay, there you go. I hope these fuckers are

00:46:15.769 --> 00:46:19.710
happy. Alright, well, um, I don't think he really

00:46:19.710 --> 00:46:25.239
cares for us still, do you? Yeah, so, alright,

00:46:25.380 --> 00:46:27.639
Rob, let's turn it to you. I'm telling you what

00:46:27.639 --> 00:46:30.260
I'm going to do. While you're talking, I'm going

00:46:30.260 --> 00:46:32.019
to kick the new guy the hell out of here. He's

00:46:32.019 --> 00:46:36.980
such a dick. Oh, he kicked my guitar. That son

00:46:36.980 --> 00:46:41.260
of a bitch. Oh, dude. My fucking flying V. It

00:46:41.260 --> 00:46:44.059
wasn't the flying V, was it? It was the flying

00:46:44.059 --> 00:46:48.300
V. He kicked it. Oh, he's fired. That's it, bitch.

00:46:48.400 --> 00:46:51.679
Get out of here. Get out of here. He's fired.

00:46:51.940 --> 00:46:54.820
Yep, that's it. Fuck. Man, there's a little boot

00:46:54.820 --> 00:46:56.980
mark on there, too. Oh, that pisses me off. Now

00:46:56.980 --> 00:47:00.619
I've got to shine it again. Damn it. You know,

00:47:00.739 --> 00:47:05.239
when he dies, he's going to burn into hell. He's

00:47:05.239 --> 00:47:06.980
going to have to answer for kicking that flying

00:47:06.980 --> 00:47:11.219
V, right? Oh, I know it is. Yeah, that's going

00:47:11.219 --> 00:47:12.860
to be the first thing they show on his life.

00:47:12.900 --> 00:47:16.659
They're going to go, new guy? Yeah. We have some

00:47:16.659 --> 00:47:19.559
footage here that's kind of disturbing. What

00:47:19.559 --> 00:47:23.559
are you talking about? It appears like you kicked

00:47:23.559 --> 00:47:27.019
a flying V a long time ago. Oh, yeah, yeah. But

00:47:27.019 --> 00:47:29.199
does that dickhead mark? No, it's a flying V.

00:47:29.219 --> 00:47:30.860
You can't do that. You're going to hell. You

00:47:30.860 --> 00:47:35.199
know who's going to present him with that? Randy

00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:38.519
Rhoades. Randy Rhoades. Yes. Randy Rhoades will

00:47:38.519 --> 00:47:41.619
step up and say, dude, you kicked a flying V.

00:47:42.079 --> 00:47:44.179
What the hell is wrong with you? Then he's going

00:47:44.179 --> 00:47:47.059
to hit that button, that elevator button, boom,

00:47:47.179 --> 00:47:54.250
down to flames and brimstone. Yeah, dude. Satan

00:47:54.250 --> 00:47:56.610
goes, hey, is this the guy that kicked the flying

00:47:56.610 --> 00:48:02.349
V? You're a piece of shit. Burn him up. It's

00:48:02.349 --> 00:48:09.389
going to be one of our childhood cartoons. Oh,

00:48:09.389 --> 00:48:11.210
speaking of music really quick, I haven't done

00:48:11.210 --> 00:48:12.510
this, and I'm probably not going to do it on

00:48:12.510 --> 00:48:14.989
the music news, but Richie Blackmore appears

00:48:14.989 --> 00:48:18.170
to be pretty ill. He's had a lot of heart attacks.

00:48:18.309 --> 00:48:21.090
Yeah, yeah. I was going to go into that. Oh,

00:48:21.090 --> 00:48:23.789
okay. We'll leave it. We'll leave it. We'll leave

00:48:23.789 --> 00:48:26.769
it for you. Okay. Sorry. No, no, no, no, no.

00:48:26.949 --> 00:48:30.010
I figured I'd let you guys go into that. You

00:48:30.010 --> 00:48:31.769
know what? I'll just do it on music news. But,

00:48:31.789 --> 00:48:36.389
yeah, he had to postpone all of his dates, Blackmore

00:48:36.389 --> 00:48:40.570
Night and all that. But I'll have either Dash

00:48:40.570 --> 00:48:46.750
Riptide or Johnny Rohypnol or Phineas J. Valtar

00:48:46.750 --> 00:48:50.039
as the third. One of those guys will inform you

00:48:50.039 --> 00:48:52.000
of everything. Unless a new guy pops up. You

00:48:52.000 --> 00:48:56.179
never know. I figured you guys do it on music

00:48:56.179 --> 00:48:59.800
groups. Oh, you know what? We did it yesterday

00:48:59.800 --> 00:49:03.199
and I forgot to bring it up. No shit. I forgot

00:49:03.199 --> 00:49:06.380
to bring it up. Oh well. We have next week. Next

00:49:06.380 --> 00:49:08.199
week, Ramon's not going to be in. It'll be the

00:49:08.199 --> 00:49:10.960
week after, so we'll have time to do it. I have

00:49:10.960 --> 00:49:12.760
a feeling that Ramon's going to take up all our

00:49:12.760 --> 00:49:15.000
time when we're up there with this stuff, which

00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:17.360
is excellent. That's what we want. So, all right,

00:49:17.360 --> 00:49:21.280
Rob, let's turn it over to you. What now? Oh,

00:49:21.300 --> 00:49:23.360
I was just going to say, yeah, I think that would

00:49:23.360 --> 00:49:27.000
be better for a Music Creeps episode. It is.

00:49:27.119 --> 00:49:34.579
It is. I just forgot it. Well, I'm going to try

00:49:34.579 --> 00:49:39.380
to get a little... I do, too. And look, it's

00:49:39.380 --> 00:49:43.119
preliminary. It just happened the other day.

00:49:43.179 --> 00:49:45.900
He started canceling shows. First, it was one

00:49:45.900 --> 00:49:47.900
show because of medical issues. Then it was two

00:49:47.900 --> 00:49:50.639
shows. And now it's like any show he has coming

00:49:50.639 --> 00:49:54.900
up is canceled. What did it say? He was, what,

00:49:54.900 --> 00:49:59.840
80? He's 80, yes. Yeah, okay. He's 80 and he's

00:49:59.840 --> 00:50:06.190
had quadruple stents in his arteries. Richie,

00:50:06.190 --> 00:50:09.329
we wish you the best. We really enjoy your music.

00:50:09.809 --> 00:50:12.969
And I've grown to really like you because I used

00:50:12.969 --> 00:50:14.710
to think that you were just a complete dick.

00:50:14.869 --> 00:50:17.969
But then I realized, you do not like to deal

00:50:17.969 --> 00:50:21.650
with idiots. End of story. And they piss you

00:50:21.650 --> 00:50:25.130
off. I get it. I turn more and more like that

00:50:25.130 --> 00:50:27.949
every second I live on this earth. So I get it.

00:50:28.050 --> 00:50:32.050
So Rob, let's turn it to you. Alright, well,

00:50:32.230 --> 00:50:36.619
I'm going into music news. All right. One of

00:50:36.619 --> 00:50:41.659
my own that I just came up with. Ricky Rocket.

00:50:42.900 --> 00:53:16.460
Love the man. Mm -hmm. I do too. I do too. Yeah.

00:53:18.400 --> 00:53:22.400
Dude, I did. I've always liked Ricky Rock. I

00:53:22.400 --> 00:53:30.500
have. And he got bread on this one, I think.

00:53:32.800 --> 00:53:53.309
Yep. Yeah, he did. Yes. Yep. And like Ricky went

00:53:53.309 --> 00:53:58.090
on to say, rest of his solo gigs using Poison's

00:53:58.090 --> 00:54:02.230
music. And unfortunately, there's nothing they

00:54:02.230 --> 00:54:05.030
can do about it. There's nothing they can do

00:54:05.030 --> 00:54:09.570
about it. Because it all goes back to who owns

00:54:09.570 --> 00:54:13.230
the music? Who owns the name of Poison? All this,

00:54:13.389 --> 00:54:15.769
and I have a feeling Bret Michaels owns most

00:54:15.769 --> 00:54:19.989
of it. Well, since he's out playing it. I mean,

00:54:20.010 --> 00:54:22.909
if I was them, if they could, but here's what

00:54:22.909 --> 00:54:25.530
I'm saying here, right here. They could tour

00:54:25.530 --> 00:54:27.670
without Bret Michaels as Poison with another

00:54:27.670 --> 00:54:29.989
lead singer, but they don't. Why don't they?

00:54:30.050 --> 00:54:32.630
I think because I think Bret Michaels owns all

00:54:32.630 --> 00:54:36.769
of the copyrights and everything on there. Yeah,

00:54:36.829 --> 00:54:46.320
so they're kind of stuck. No, I don't know that

00:54:46.320 --> 00:54:48.960
to be true. There's always been a lot of suspicion

00:54:48.960 --> 00:54:53.440
about that. Yeah, I, yeah. I see Brent Michaels

00:54:53.440 --> 00:54:56.260
down here at Lake of the Ozarks just a few years

00:54:56.260 --> 00:54:59.719
ago. Uh -huh. Over at the Horny Toad. Mm -hmm.

00:55:00.039 --> 00:55:08.380
And... Horny Toad. Yeah, yeah. Which was, never

00:55:08.380 --> 00:55:11.639
mind, I ain't gonna go into, that's a totally

00:55:11.639 --> 00:55:19.940
different story. Okay. But anyway, Off the show,

00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:31.599
you can tell me. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, his solo music,

00:55:31.639 --> 00:55:34.559
there was never anything redeemable in that.

00:55:34.639 --> 00:55:38.059
There was nothing. So, yeah, no one would know

00:55:38.059 --> 00:55:51.480
it. No. No, it's not popular at all. If he had

00:55:51.480 --> 00:55:53.480
to sing his Bret Michaels songs, he wouldn't

00:55:53.480 --> 00:55:56.699
sell out five people. Five people would not go

00:55:56.699 --> 00:55:58.679
there. I mean, that's the whole thing of it.

00:55:58.679 --> 00:56:01.519
He uses Poison's music. So, yeah, I see Ricky

00:56:01.519 --> 00:56:06.039
Rockets. Yeah, he's making money on Poison's

00:56:06.039 --> 00:56:09.159
name. And nobody else is. They could always do

00:56:09.159 --> 00:56:11.059
like a cover band type of thing where they could

00:56:11.059 --> 00:56:14.219
call it Poison Overdose. Because that's what

00:56:14.219 --> 00:56:18.079
a cover band of Poison calls themselves. They

00:56:18.079 --> 00:56:20.800
could do something like that and call it a slightly

00:56:20.800 --> 00:56:25.199
different name. And then replace Brett. Yeah,

00:56:25.199 --> 00:56:27.139
yeah, that's what I'm saying. I would just replace

00:56:27.139 --> 00:56:31.320
Brett. I would too. If you sell to half the...

00:56:31.320 --> 00:56:35.679
Let's say you could draw in 10 ,000 people with

00:56:35.679 --> 00:56:38.630
all of the original members. With minus Brett

00:56:38.630 --> 00:56:40.650
Michaels, I bet you could draw in three or four.

00:56:40.750 --> 00:56:42.969
They could probably tour and do okay doing that.

00:56:43.090 --> 00:56:45.289
You know, especially like if they're like on

00:56:45.289 --> 00:56:47.690
a bill of like a festival or something. They

00:56:47.690 --> 00:56:50.210
could get down their little ways and get a chunk

00:56:50.210 --> 00:56:53.130
of change. But, you know, I don't know all the

00:56:53.130 --> 00:56:56.329
logistics and maybe nobody's really interested.

00:56:56.530 --> 00:56:59.690
I don't know. So, anyhow. All right. Thank you,

00:56:59.690 --> 00:57:02.829
Rob. Should we take our first break? It's hard

00:57:02.829 --> 00:57:04.550
to believe it's our first break, but yes, our

00:57:04.550 --> 00:57:07.000
first break. And come back with some emails.

00:57:08.099 --> 00:57:11.159
Yeah, we're a little late. We're a little late.

00:57:11.400 --> 00:57:14.760
Yes, we did. We missed it. Hell yeah. All right.

00:57:14.780 --> 00:57:19.440
We will be right back. I'm pretty sure we will.

00:57:19.539 --> 00:57:40.239
Okay. Maybe. Yeah. The boll weevil clap. Read

00:57:40.239 --> 00:57:45.300
up on that sometime. The boll weevil clap, and

00:57:45.300 --> 00:57:47.920
this old guy that I knew that was in Vietnam,

00:57:48.360 --> 00:57:50.780
I probably should say, well, you know what, you

00:57:50.780 --> 00:57:53.320
can take this part out of here if you like it,

00:57:53.380 --> 00:57:55.659
and we can put it somewhere. But this old guy

00:57:55.659 --> 00:57:58.139
that I knew down the road from me, who was in

00:57:58.139 --> 00:58:01.579
Vietnam, he told me that one day, you know, him

00:58:01.579 --> 00:58:04.960
and a couple of guys got a day off from the war.

00:58:05.819 --> 00:58:08.199
So they went into the nearest town to go look

00:58:08.199 --> 00:58:09.679
for some hookers. You know, they're like, you

00:58:09.679 --> 00:58:11.639
know, if we're going to die, we're going to get

00:58:11.639 --> 00:58:14.840
laid. So, okay. All right. So they go in there

00:58:14.840 --> 00:58:21.400
and I guess the Viet Cong loaded the prostitutes

00:58:21.400 --> 00:58:24.380
full of this stuff called the boll weevil clap.

00:58:25.659 --> 00:58:29.760
Yeah. Oh, it is. So anyhow, he said, you know,

00:58:29.800 --> 00:58:32.840
they all went and, you know. did what they needed

00:58:32.840 --> 00:58:34.480
to do you know they thought they're all gonna

00:58:34.480 --> 00:58:37.139
die so they went and they got laid and next day

00:58:37.139 --> 00:58:39.480
when a guy comes in he goes oh my god he goes

00:58:39.480 --> 00:58:43.380
i hurt so bad like you know my fucking dick hurts

00:58:43.380 --> 00:58:46.760
like hell my stomach hurts i think i'm gonna

00:58:46.760 --> 00:58:49.880
die what'd they do with those damn hookers so

00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:52.800
anyhow and he started hurting really bad he said

00:58:52.800 --> 00:58:55.159
it hurt so bad you could hardly breathe you could

00:58:55.159 --> 00:58:58.619
feel it in your dick shaft it was so bad so they

00:58:58.619 --> 00:59:02.340
all go in And I guess it's like a horrible infection.

00:59:02.539 --> 00:59:05.079
And if you don't get it treated, it will kill

00:59:05.079 --> 00:59:07.900
you. Like, you know, go up your scrotum and into

00:59:07.900 --> 00:59:12.420
your testicles. And anyhow, the only cure back

00:59:12.420 --> 00:59:16.760
then was they had to take this glass rod, shove

00:59:16.760 --> 00:59:20.239
it in the end of your penis, and mash it with

00:59:20.239 --> 00:59:23.800
a rubber mallet. And then you have to physically

00:59:23.800 --> 00:59:26.960
squeeze all the infection out of your penis.

00:59:28.079 --> 00:59:31.739
I've heard of this. Yes. And this took like four

00:59:31.739 --> 00:59:37.179
hours of mashing this rod and then squeezing

00:59:37.179 --> 00:59:38.980
all the infection out. Because if they don't

00:59:38.980 --> 00:59:40.840
get all the infection out right then... It just

00:59:40.840 --> 00:59:43.260
flares right back up. Yes. Seals your pee -pee

00:59:43.260 --> 00:59:46.400
shut. Yes. Yeah, that was the old joke of, you

00:59:46.400 --> 00:59:49.079
know, if you catch VD, your dick's going to turn

00:59:49.079 --> 00:59:51.889
black and fall off. There are actually STDs.

00:59:52.050 --> 00:59:54.869
That was the worst case scenario, yeah. It actually

00:59:54.869 --> 00:59:57.710
will turn black and fall off because the tissue

00:59:57.710 --> 01:00:02.570
will die. Yeah, it's kind of like a Grand Green

01:00:02.570 --> 01:00:04.869
type of deal, you know, or something like that.

01:00:05.230 --> 01:00:08.750
So anyhow, yeah, he said after that, he said,

01:00:08.789 --> 01:00:14.610
no, no more hookers. So. Hey, good kid. No one

01:00:14.610 --> 01:00:16.670
gives an ounce of shit what you had for breakfast.

01:00:16.869 --> 01:00:19.510
Not even the person on the other end. You look

01:00:19.510 --> 01:00:22.110
like a mentally slow driv yelling into thin air

01:00:22.110 --> 01:00:24.190
all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth

01:00:24.190 --> 01:00:27.030
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What

01:00:27.030 --> 01:00:30.110
men consider self -centered dunce. Monty constantly

01:00:30.110 --> 01:00:32.769
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look

01:00:32.769 --> 01:00:35.170
back home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably

01:00:35.170 --> 01:00:37.210
forgot the theming because you're too busy looking

01:00:37.210 --> 01:00:40.829
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. I just made

01:00:40.829 --> 01:00:43.889
a belt out of all my old watches. Wow, that's

01:00:43.889 --> 01:00:48.719
unique. Yeah, it was a waste of time. Two douchebags

01:00:48.719 --> 01:00:52.260
in a microphone invade your ear holes in... Hey,

01:00:52.559 --> 01:00:56.139
who took a dump in the cooler? Slash was on Eddie

01:00:56.139 --> 01:00:58.599
Trunk's Trunk Nation the other day. Eddie asked

01:00:58.599 --> 01:01:01.079
Slash if they plan on doing any U .S. dates next

01:01:01.079 --> 01:01:04.340
year. Slash's reply was yes, we are doing a U

01:01:04.340 --> 01:01:06.579
.S. tour next year as well as another album.

01:01:06.780 --> 01:01:09.039
He said they have more than enough material for

01:01:09.039 --> 01:01:11.340
a full album. This is great news for all the

01:01:11.340 --> 01:01:15.539
Guns N' Roses fans, including myself. And now,

01:01:15.739 --> 01:01:23.159
Deep Thoughts with Mark. Why can't I use my toaster

01:01:23.159 --> 01:01:26.340
to toast ravioli? Or how about marshmallows?

01:01:27.400 --> 01:01:36.460
Man, this is bullshit. Yes, it's true. Mark is

01:01:36.460 --> 01:01:39.420
an old bastard. It's also true that Mark uses

01:01:39.420 --> 01:01:42.739
a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like to tell

01:01:42.739 --> 01:01:46.559
you, if you see any pictures of him roofing ibuprofen,

01:01:47.380 --> 01:01:50.099
It's obviously fake, and you're to take the pictures

01:01:50.099 --> 01:02:38.820
and tear them up immediately. We offer you first

01:02:38.820 --> 01:02:43.179
world problems. My new crime series TV show is

01:02:43.179 --> 01:02:46.420
going off for at least three months. I can't

01:02:46.420 --> 01:02:48.559
believe this. What am I going to do to fill in

01:02:48.559 --> 01:03:02.110
the time? Don't these guys think of this? Well,

01:03:02.130 --> 01:03:04.730
your wish is coming true. Kansas City International

01:03:04.730 --> 01:03:07.349
Airport Guest Pass program is starting today.

01:03:07.750 --> 01:03:10.909
Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets

01:03:10.909 --> 01:03:14.469
and $15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50

01:03:14.469 --> 01:03:17.230
cheap T -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building

01:03:17.230 --> 01:03:20.590
image on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue

01:03:20.590 --> 01:03:23.510
sauce gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40

01:03:23.510 --> 01:03:26.329
on your first morning. Hurry. You know Rubes

01:03:26.329 --> 01:03:28.469
are jumping all over to get to this complete

01:03:28.469 --> 01:03:33.559
ripoff. Because people are sheep. Now, from his

01:03:33.559 --> 01:03:36.420
underground bunker in Hampton, Missouri, stocked

01:03:36.420 --> 01:03:39.039
full of dried goods, canned food, and a couple

01:03:39.039 --> 01:03:42.679
of vibrating toys, is Ramblings of a Madman,

01:03:42.820 --> 01:03:47.920
featuring Rob Rad. My mechanic told me I couldn't

01:03:47.920 --> 01:03:51.599
repair your brakes. So I made you a horn ladder.

01:03:52.719 --> 01:04:27.019
Good job. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm

01:04:27.019 --> 01:04:29.659
Mark here in Kansas City at the Talk is Cheap

01:04:29.659 --> 01:04:36.900
studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful night alarm

01:04:36.900 --> 01:04:39.960
of Lake of the Ozarks and Duck Black studio.

01:04:40.639 --> 01:04:45.340
Quack, quack. For now. All right, Rob, we want

01:04:45.340 --> 01:04:52.619
to get you some emails. It's been a while. I

01:04:52.619 --> 01:04:55.059
don't even remember. Usually I remember a couple

01:04:55.059 --> 01:04:56.860
of them. I don't remember any of them. So let's

01:04:56.860 --> 01:05:01.460
go. Hey, Mark, how is your acid reflux? I haven't

01:05:01.460 --> 01:05:05.360
heard an update in a while. Angie in Omaha. Actually,

01:05:05.380 --> 01:05:07.380
it's really good. And I could tell you the two

01:05:07.380 --> 01:05:10.300
main reasons. I quit doing ibuprofen, which kills

01:05:10.300 --> 01:05:13.059
your stomach, just tears it to pieces. And number

01:05:13.059 --> 01:05:17.440
two, I do use some medicine like famonidine and

01:05:17.440 --> 01:05:19.960
a little bit of omeprazole. But the main ingredient

01:05:19.960 --> 01:05:23.340
is actually not a medicine that helps me. It's

01:05:23.340 --> 01:05:26.860
bitters. I use this stuff called Underberg, which

01:05:26.860 --> 01:05:29.119
is from Germany. It comes in little bottles.

01:05:29.260 --> 01:05:31.679
I take a swig of that, and my acid reflux is

01:05:31.679 --> 01:05:36.320
gone. No questions asked. It works so well. And

01:05:36.320 --> 01:05:38.780
I heard all my life, this stuff, bitters, works,

01:05:38.840 --> 01:05:41.179
and I never would listen. And then finally Val

01:05:41.179 --> 01:05:42.920
told me, and then a couple people at work told

01:05:42.920 --> 01:05:45.500
me the next day. I'm like, I've got to try this.

01:05:45.599 --> 01:05:48.420
Everybody says it works, and it does. And it

01:05:48.420 --> 01:05:50.719
works better than any medicine I could ever have.

01:05:50.860 --> 01:05:53.219
So it's good now. Thank you, Angie. Appreciate

01:05:53.219 --> 01:05:56.639
that. Thanks for checking. Your concern is flattering.

01:05:56.739 --> 01:06:01.360
Thank you. And once again, that's somebody that's

01:06:01.360 --> 01:06:05.579
worth deep. We have so many. We are so blessed.

01:06:05.599 --> 01:06:10.280
You have not talked about that. I tell you, we

01:06:10.280 --> 01:06:12.500
have people like, when I accidentally did that

01:06:12.500 --> 01:06:16.139
YouTube video, I had it up for five minutes.

01:06:16.599 --> 01:06:18.699
I didn't realize it was live live. I was like

01:06:18.699 --> 01:06:20.559
going, oh, that's interesting. It said I'm live.

01:06:20.900 --> 01:06:22.679
So I'm looking around. I'm like, what happened?

01:06:22.840 --> 01:06:25.159
Well, it generated that video in like a matter

01:06:25.159 --> 01:06:27.440
of minutes. And then it just put it live. And

01:06:27.440 --> 01:06:29.440
I was like, what? Someone caught that in five

01:06:29.440 --> 01:06:33.440
minutes before I took it down. We have people

01:06:33.440 --> 01:06:35.420
that are really listening to this show and are

01:06:35.420 --> 01:06:46.820
fanatical. And we love you guys. Thank you. Well,

01:06:46.900 --> 01:06:50.420
you know what? We're fine. We're fine. No, I

01:06:50.420 --> 01:06:55.139
want to do it. I want to do it. Cool. All right,

01:06:55.199 --> 01:06:57.860
next one. Mark, you can order the cartoon Black

01:06:57.860 --> 01:07:00.559
Sabbath coffee mugs online. I sent you the link

01:07:00.559 --> 01:07:04.519
below. Jerry in Houston. Jerry, thank you. I

01:07:04.519 --> 01:07:07.780
don't have room. I would love to get them. They

01:07:07.780 --> 01:07:09.860
look great. I followed the link, and they're

01:07:09.860 --> 01:07:13.300
not terribly priced. Thank you, Jerry. I think

01:07:13.300 --> 01:07:18.699
it's called Aqua... aqua glassware or something

01:07:18.699 --> 01:07:20.480
like it something like it you can look it up

01:07:20.480 --> 01:07:24.199
online so yeah thank you jerry appreciate that

01:07:24.199 --> 01:07:26.420
but i don't have any place to put it i can't

01:07:26.420 --> 01:07:31.260
buy anything more so all right douches are the

01:07:31.260 --> 01:07:33.840
chiefs going to make the playoffs this year tom

01:07:33.840 --> 01:07:39.059
in iowa who fucking knows right now i kind of

01:07:39.059 --> 01:07:41.000
say no the way they look what do you think rob

01:07:50.460 --> 01:08:00.159
I have only caught one half of one game. It was

01:08:00.159 --> 01:08:05.019
the third, fourth quarter. And I can't remember

01:08:05.019 --> 01:08:09.579
that. And honestly, I have not watched any NFL

01:08:09.579 --> 01:08:14.539
other than that half of that game. Because I've

01:08:14.539 --> 01:08:32.960
been so busy. That might be part of what's wrong

01:08:32.960 --> 01:08:35.319
with my voice, honestly. Probably, you've been

01:08:35.319 --> 01:08:38.460
cutting yourself really short. Yeah, so I would

01:08:38.460 --> 01:08:42.880
say yes. Yeah, honestly, lately, I've been running

01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:48.279
on five, six hours a week. I believe it. Plus

01:08:48.279 --> 01:08:53.680
what I do and everything else, yeah. All right,

01:08:54.340 --> 01:08:58.060
next email. Who does the music news? Why isn't

01:08:58.060 --> 01:09:01.039
country music covered? Wren in South Dakota.

01:09:01.619 --> 01:09:04.239
Rob does country music. There's just no really...

01:09:04.239 --> 01:09:12.060
I'm on to get back into it. Yeah. I've just been

01:09:12.060 --> 01:09:16.760
real busy. You know, I was covering country music.

01:09:17.000 --> 01:09:22.359
Yeah. But I just, I met, well, met Princess.

01:09:23.279 --> 01:09:40.920
Yep. But, yeah, I've just been busy. But, yeah,

01:09:41.020 --> 01:09:43.100
I'm going to get back into the country news.

01:09:43.479 --> 01:09:46.199
And me doing it is worthless. With the music

01:09:46.199 --> 01:09:48.380
news, I know nothing about it. I leave it to

01:09:48.380 --> 01:09:51.800
Rob. Rob knows it. Well, yeah, that. And I'm

01:09:51.800 --> 01:09:54.300
going to be in Wheatland, Missouri. My pleasure.

01:09:54.460 --> 01:09:57.399
For some, I think. There you go. I'm not really

01:09:57.399 --> 01:10:02.149
sure. There you go. Maybe even that. Red in South

01:10:02.149 --> 01:10:04.510
Dakota, thank you. So you're going to be getting

01:10:04.510 --> 01:10:08.229
some from Rob. Yeah, I will get back on. I promise.

01:10:10.090 --> 01:10:13.670
Alright, next one. Rob, how about a Rob Rad calendar?

01:10:14.130 --> 01:10:16.350
Maybe you could be wrestling a tiger on one,

01:10:16.470 --> 01:10:21.350
walking on the beach. Would he get his nipple...

01:10:21.350 --> 01:10:24.930
This is written so weird. Let me try this again.

01:10:25.250 --> 01:10:28.710
How about a Rob Rad calendar? Maybe he could

01:10:28.710 --> 01:10:32.220
be wrestling a tiger on one. Walking on the beach.

01:10:32.720 --> 01:10:35.000
Would he get his nipple pierced for the photos?

01:10:35.460 --> 01:10:38.380
Please say yes, Rossington. Rossington, you've

01:10:38.380 --> 01:10:41.880
emailed us quite a few times. I think what he

01:10:41.880 --> 01:10:45.920
meant was he wants you walking on the beach wrestling

01:10:45.920 --> 01:10:51.500
a tiger with your nipple pierced. Is that what

01:10:51.500 --> 01:10:56.020
you got out of that? That's what I got. Okay.

01:10:59.910 --> 01:11:02.210
Rossington, keep writing. You always send interesting

01:11:02.210 --> 01:11:07.670
stuff. I love tigers, you know, big cats. Hell,

01:11:07.850 --> 01:11:11.409
better yet, let's make him a black panther. There

01:11:11.409 --> 01:11:13.729
we go. He loves big pussies. So there you go.

01:11:13.949 --> 01:11:18.250
Yeah. Yes. Rossington, I think you're in Dallas,

01:11:18.289 --> 01:11:20.649
if I remember correctly. You didn't put where

01:11:20.649 --> 01:11:22.550
you're at on here, but Rossington, you've written

01:11:22.550 --> 01:11:25.289
several. It's a very interesting name, so I'm

01:11:25.289 --> 01:11:27.529
pretty sure you're the same guy. Sometimes you

01:11:27.529 --> 01:11:31.010
use Ross. Sometimes you use Rossington. I think

01:11:31.010 --> 01:11:33.449
you're the same guy by the email, and you're

01:11:33.449 --> 01:11:35.670
from Dallas, I believe. Thank you, Rossington

01:11:35.670 --> 01:11:37.829
or Ross in Dallas. We appreciate the emails.

01:11:39.270 --> 01:11:43.369
All right, and finally, Rob, Mitch is going to

01:11:43.369 --> 01:11:45.930
be in Wheatland this Tuesday. He didn't want

01:11:45.930 --> 01:11:48.289
me to tell you. Mitch said that he was going

01:11:48.289 --> 01:11:50.890
to Lucas Oil Racetrack to get the naming rights.

01:11:51.279 --> 01:11:53.560
It will be Lake Freeman Volunteer Fire Department

01:11:53.560 --> 01:11:58.000
No. 2 presents Lucas Oil Racetrack. Rich, Mitch's

01:11:58.000 --> 01:12:06.720
little brother. Good luck with that. Can I add

01:12:06.720 --> 01:12:10.279
something to that? I've been there. Good luck

01:12:10.279 --> 01:12:14.680
with that. That's all I'm going to say. Rich,

01:12:14.859 --> 01:12:17.079
Mitch's brother, supposedly. You're reaching.

01:12:17.239 --> 01:12:21.409
Come on. I thought that was a little lame. Come

01:12:21.409 --> 01:12:24.189
on. Come up with some better stuff, please. I

01:12:24.189 --> 01:12:26.489
don't know. Is it just me or was that kind of

01:12:26.489 --> 01:12:31.449
lame? It sounds very lame. Okay. Come on, Mitch

01:12:31.449 --> 01:12:34.670
or Rich or whoever you are. Beef it up a little

01:12:34.670 --> 01:12:36.949
bit or just don't send anything in if you don't

01:12:36.949 --> 01:12:39.329
have something very good. I probably shouldn't.

01:12:39.350 --> 01:13:04.750
No, no, no, no, no. Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I

01:13:04.750 --> 01:13:08.470
read that completely different. They were responding

01:13:08.470 --> 01:13:13.310
to that. Okay, actually, that was a pretty good

01:13:13.310 --> 01:13:18.390
email then. I'm sorry. I apologize. Okay, I stand

01:13:18.390 --> 01:13:25.729
corrected. Yeah, don't. Trust me. You do not

01:13:25.729 --> 01:13:38.439
want to go up against me on Lucas Oil. They can't.

01:13:38.439 --> 01:13:42.199
If they try, they're going to lose quickly. Lebanon

01:13:42.199 --> 01:13:48.420
can't even keep up with Lucas Oil. There's a

01:13:48.420 --> 01:13:51.560
lot of Lebanon drivers that go to Lucas Oil.

01:13:51.859 --> 01:13:55.039
Oh, I'm sure it's not that far. Actually, a kid

01:13:55.039 --> 01:14:01.420
that I work with, his mom's over in HR. Oh, okay.

01:14:01.939 --> 01:14:16.840
All right. Very cool. I want you to pay for parking.

01:14:16.939 --> 01:14:20.260
I'll just walk over there. That's cool. Alright,

01:14:20.359 --> 01:14:22.439
Rob, I think you have some stuff you want to

01:14:22.439 --> 01:14:43.720
go into. That was the last email. Awesome. My

01:14:43.720 --> 01:14:49.199
favorite segment by far. This is interesting.

01:14:49.579 --> 01:15:35.100
I like this one. Okay. Yay! Amen. Go, tiger.

01:15:35.359 --> 01:15:38.159
Go, tiger, yeah. You steal its fucking baby,

01:15:38.239 --> 01:15:57.399
that's what happens. Well, yeah. Cool. Fucking

01:15:57.399 --> 01:16:00.180
cool, dude. Awesome. That's a great story. Even

01:16:00.180 --> 01:16:03.000
though I misheard it at first, I'm like, okay,

01:16:03.119 --> 01:16:05.840
all right. All right. It makes sense. More sense

01:16:05.840 --> 01:16:08.939
now. I'm just glad that the tiger got even with

01:16:08.939 --> 01:16:14.659
the bastard. Oh, fuck yeah. Hey, tiger ate. Tiger

01:16:14.659 --> 01:16:18.640
got his meal. Very cool. Yes, I was a little

01:16:18.640 --> 01:16:20.720
distracted there because this thing is jumping.

01:16:20.720 --> 01:16:23.750
It's recording, but I don't know why. The software

01:16:23.750 --> 01:16:26.449
here is jumping, and anyhow, you know, I think

01:16:26.449 --> 01:16:29.869
I got it figured out. I hear a chihuahua in the

01:16:29.869 --> 01:16:33.329
background. Actually, that's the pug, Otis. Oh,

01:16:33.350 --> 01:16:37.289
either one. Yeah, yeah. I don't have this place

01:16:37.289 --> 01:16:39.270
soundproofed. Maybe one of these days I'll get

01:16:39.270 --> 01:16:41.609
around to doing it. I'd love to do it, but right

01:16:41.609 --> 01:16:43.949
now, you know what? That's what you get. I mean,

01:16:44.050 --> 01:16:57.449
you know. My soundproof. oh okay um about a month

01:16:57.449 --> 01:16:59.850
ago we had to put down madre the show cat that's

01:16:59.850 --> 01:17:02.390
okay you don't hear her anymore it sucks but

01:17:02.390 --> 01:17:05.649
yeah she's a sweetheart but i mean you know she

01:17:05.649 --> 01:17:09.010
was like 19 or something i mean she had a really

01:17:09.010 --> 01:17:11.590
good life and it was just it was time she was

01:17:11.590 --> 01:17:15.289
just miserable Probably had some kidney issues,

01:17:15.529 --> 01:17:19.310
some other issues. Obviously, it sucked. But

01:17:19.310 --> 01:17:22.670
we have Otis, and Otis makes a lot of noise.

01:17:23.029 --> 01:17:27.170
So, hey, go ahead. Okay, well, we're going to

01:17:27.170 --> 01:17:30.250
go ahead and run that garbage one more time.

01:17:30.550 --> 01:17:46.119
Let's do it. Okay. Okay, I kind of like this

01:17:46.119 --> 01:17:55.920
one. It's historical. Okay. John Adams once shared

01:17:55.920 --> 01:17:59.840
a bed with Benjamin Franklin, and they argued

01:17:59.840 --> 01:18:02.699
all night about whether to keep the window open.

01:18:05.319 --> 01:19:38.220
Do tell. This is interesting. Okay. Or bad air

01:19:38.220 --> 01:19:47.079
causing illness. Okay. Franklin, a lifelong advocate

01:19:47.079 --> 01:19:50.119
of ventilation, lectured Adams on his theory

01:19:50.119 --> 01:19:54.100
of colds until Adams finally gave in and let

01:19:54.100 --> 01:20:09.229
him keep it open. Okay. I love that. Yeah, from

01:20:09.229 --> 01:20:12.750
the tiger to forefathers arguing over a window.

01:20:14.369 --> 01:20:24.869
I love that. Very cool. Thank you, Rob. I think

01:20:24.869 --> 01:20:30.590
I would, too. Yeah, I think so, though. All right.

01:20:34.760 --> 01:20:38.720
I would, too. Let's see. You know, I've got a

01:20:38.720 --> 01:20:41.300
Jeffy X list. Do you think we have time for it

01:20:41.300 --> 01:20:46.840
on this show or not? Yeah, let's do Jeffy X.

01:20:47.159 --> 01:20:49.859
All right. Then let's take our second break.

01:20:50.840 --> 01:20:57.220
Okay. Second break, Jeffy X. Yeah, that'd be

01:20:57.220 --> 01:21:01.260
about it for me. Okay. We'll find out. Okay,

01:21:01.260 --> 01:21:03.140
if you want to go on, that's fine. If you want

01:21:03.140 --> 01:21:04.800
to cut it, that's fine. All right, that'll be

01:21:04.800 --> 01:21:10.199
determined. We'll be right back. Your mama's

01:21:10.199 --> 01:21:13.020
so fat, she went out in high heels and struck

01:21:13.020 --> 01:21:17.739
oil. Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh, no.

01:21:18.220 --> 01:21:25.859
It's island horrible jokes. Want to hear a joke

01:21:25.859 --> 01:21:46.619
about paper? It's terrible. bought a puppy and

01:21:46.619 --> 01:21:50.060
have... Hey there, don't worry. I have a clown

01:21:50.060 --> 01:21:58.659
nose. Oh no! That drunk guy just hit my child!

01:21:59.380 --> 01:22:15.529
It's okay. I have a clown nose. Clown noses are

01:22:15.529 --> 01:22:17.229
sold at gag stores online and pedophile conventions.

01:22:17.409 --> 01:22:20.649
Grab one today and make magic happen. You watched

01:22:20.649 --> 01:22:24.949
the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?

01:22:25.409 --> 01:22:28.430
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

01:22:28.430 --> 01:22:32.989
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the

01:22:32.989 --> 01:22:39.890
post apocalypse. Make sure and have plenty of

01:22:39.890 --> 01:22:43.649
rope. Strong, threaded, durable rope. with a

01:22:43.649 --> 01:22:47.270
rating of 400 pounds or greater. You need to

01:22:47.270 --> 01:22:49.970
know basic knots, so you can go to the library

01:22:49.970 --> 01:22:52.789
and download the Boy Scouts Handbook and have

01:22:52.789 --> 01:22:56.029
a reference to slip knots and other essential

01:22:56.029 --> 01:22:59.550
rope tricks. Rope can be used in traps to catch

01:22:59.550 --> 01:23:03.930
food or would -be predators. Rope is a key ingredient

01:23:03.930 --> 01:23:08.689
in post -apocalypse survival. Introducing Rob

01:23:08.689 --> 01:23:11.649
Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Scent.

01:23:11.949 --> 01:23:14.630
That's right, smell your enemy before they get

01:23:14.630 --> 01:23:17.189
you. Order this gem now and get a free virtual

01:23:17.189 --> 01:23:19.729
tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camderton, Missouri.

01:23:20.090 --> 01:23:22.949
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How

01:23:22.949 --> 01:23:29.069
to Clean Raw Sewage for Food. Tomorrow morning

01:23:29.069 --> 01:23:31.270
while grinding your coffee beans for your double

01:23:31.270 --> 01:23:34.270
mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals

01:23:34.270 --> 01:23:37.539
caught in the grinder. It really hurts. And who

01:23:37.539 --> 01:23:40.859
can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.

01:23:42.140 --> 01:23:46.420
Next up, things overheard in hell. John Wayne

01:23:46.420 --> 01:23:51.300
Gacy is in charge of human resources. And now

01:23:51.300 --> 01:23:53.880
we look in on the adventures of the technical

01:23:53.880 --> 01:23:58.420
explanation guy. Why, excuse me, my dear sir.

01:23:58.779 --> 01:24:01.920
Could you please direct me to the nearest self

01:24:01.920 --> 01:24:04.569
-employed person in a motorized vehicle? That

01:24:04.569 --> 01:24:06.729
will transport me where I ask them to in exchange

01:24:06.729 --> 01:24:10.109
for money and a tip. Do you mean an Uber ride?

01:24:10.569 --> 01:24:14.470
Well, yes. Yes, I do mean an Uber ride. Then

01:24:14.470 --> 01:24:16.670
just say an Uber ride, you dumb motherfucker.

01:24:16.750 --> 01:24:18.750
And why are you constantly following me around

01:24:18.750 --> 01:24:32.359
asking me stupid questions? Fucking idiot. This

01:24:32.359 --> 01:24:35.039
is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'll mark half

01:24:35.039 --> 01:24:37.479
of this in the Kansas City, Missouri vicinity

01:24:37.479 --> 01:25:01.560
at the Talk is Cheap studio. I've got a story

01:25:01.560 --> 01:25:05.439
accompanying with a Jeffy X. All right. Ray Ray

01:25:05.439 --> 01:25:07.979
the cat clearly did not want to be left behind

01:25:07.979 --> 01:25:11.260
when his family left their home in Kittanging,

01:25:11.539 --> 01:25:15.619
Pennsylvania for Keene, New Hampshire. On September

01:25:15.619 --> 01:25:19.060
26th, the Washington Post reported this. After

01:25:19.060 --> 01:25:22.100
driving about 100 miles, Tony DiNardo, Ray Ray's

01:25:22.100 --> 01:25:24.180
owner, stopped the family van for a bathroom

01:25:24.180 --> 01:25:26.359
break and discovered the eight -year -old cat

01:25:26.359 --> 01:25:29.430
clinging to the vehicle's roof. How did this

01:25:29.430 --> 01:25:31.810
cat stay on there, wondered Tony's wife, Margaret.

01:25:32.210 --> 01:25:35.310
And he was completely unfazed. The family believed

01:25:35.310 --> 01:25:38.909
Ray Ray lodged himself in between luggage strapped

01:25:38.909 --> 01:25:43.449
to the van's top as they sped along the interstate.

01:25:43.529 --> 01:25:46.729
The DiNardos leaned in, stopping at a pet store

01:25:46.729 --> 01:25:50.689
for a leash, harness and backpack, and food for

01:25:50.689 --> 01:25:53.430
Ray Ray, and he joined the adventure. Tony carried

01:25:53.430 --> 01:25:56.010
him across the finish line at a marathon in Keene,

01:25:56.109 --> 01:25:59.310
and Ray Ray seemed to really like Times Square

01:25:59.310 --> 01:26:02.890
at night, Margaret said of their stop in New

01:26:02.890 --> 01:26:05.390
York City. She plans to write a children's book

01:26:05.390 --> 01:26:09.170
about her pet's adventure. Well, guess what Jeffy

01:26:09.170 --> 01:26:12.590
X did? He found a list of children's book titles

01:26:12.590 --> 01:26:17.229
that have failed. Can you believe that? Well,

01:26:17.229 --> 01:26:22.329
this should be good. Yeah, Jeffy, he... He's

01:26:22.329 --> 01:26:25.029
our sleuth. He goes around and he finds out,

01:26:25.050 --> 01:26:27.689
he finds these lists and stuff that products

01:26:27.689 --> 01:26:30.689
were going to do, or in this case, children's

01:26:30.689 --> 01:26:33.109
books. They're coming up with titles, but they

01:26:33.109 --> 01:26:35.170
decided not to use them. And they, you know,

01:26:35.170 --> 01:26:37.510
they don't want people to see these. Jeffy X

01:26:37.510 --> 01:26:39.989
sneaks in there and he grabs his stuff and he's

01:26:39.989 --> 01:26:41.949
been death threatened. He's been electrocuted.

01:26:42.609 --> 01:26:46.130
He's had his balls half cut off. He had to get

01:26:46.130 --> 01:26:49.189
stitches. You know, every time he got away, luckily.

01:26:49.550 --> 01:26:58.359
So Rob is so... Oh, did it? Okay. Yeah. Good.

01:26:58.600 --> 01:27:02.319
He actually flew out of there. Oh, good. Thanks

01:27:02.319 --> 01:27:04.880
for that, sir. Oh, good. Even though he says

01:27:04.880 --> 01:27:08.880
red, oh, my God. You cannot wait for Christmas.

01:27:09.819 --> 01:27:13.880
Yeah, he's getting all the Sergeant Peppers.

01:27:13.939 --> 01:27:15.460
He's getting seven of them so he doesn't have

01:27:15.460 --> 01:27:17.680
to wear the Sergeant Pepper outfit over and over

01:27:17.680 --> 01:27:28.279
again. Yeah, seven. Well, you know what? He's

01:27:28.279 --> 01:27:30.439
got to wait until Christmas anyhow, so yeah,

01:27:30.460 --> 01:27:32.539
you know what? He'll be all right. No, no, no,

01:27:32.539 --> 01:27:38.579
no, no. His Christmas is done. I'm complete with

01:27:38.579 --> 01:27:40.880
all his. Oh, now you've just got to wait until

01:27:40.880 --> 01:27:44.300
Christmas, Jeffy X. It's already done. And me?

01:27:44.800 --> 01:27:48.949
I'm a simple guy. I gave him $3 ,500, and I told

01:27:48.949 --> 01:27:50.930
him either buy your mom something or buy coke

01:27:50.930 --> 01:27:54.350
and blow and hookers, and I didn't ask which

01:27:54.350 --> 01:27:56.609
one he went for, so that's fine. And meanwhile,

01:27:56.850 --> 01:28:01.090
Rob also made him a pair of Jeffy X underwear.

01:28:01.369 --> 01:28:04.329
Rob is an expert embroiderer, and that's how

01:28:04.329 --> 01:28:07.569
come he made the bat suits, and he made the Sergeant

01:28:07.569 --> 01:28:11.270
Pepper's outfits, and he also made Jeffy X underwear.

01:28:11.289 --> 01:28:13.930
It has Jeffy on the back, X on the front. and

01:28:13.930 --> 01:28:17.489
he put in a very special Stephen Piercy pouch,

01:28:17.770 --> 01:28:21.569
the Glamban Rat. Supposedly, Stephen Piercy had

01:28:21.569 --> 01:28:23.729
a pouch put on the front of his spandex inside

01:28:23.729 --> 01:28:26.270
of it to stuff a couple of socks in there to

01:28:26.270 --> 01:28:29.289
look a little bulkier, right? But we're sure

01:28:29.289 --> 01:28:31.590
Jeffy X doesn't need it, but Rob did that just

01:28:31.590 --> 01:28:34.069
in case he wanted to look bulkier for whatever

01:28:34.069 --> 01:28:38.369
reason. So here are the book titles that Jeffy

01:28:38.369 --> 01:28:41.569
X uncovered that failed. The first one was...

01:28:42.480 --> 01:28:47.760
Little Billy's Genital Boil. Did not work. Could

01:28:47.760 --> 01:28:51.439
you believe that? That could be an informative

01:28:51.439 --> 01:28:55.600
book. Yeah, yeah, it's a teaching book. A lot

01:28:55.600 --> 01:28:58.859
of little boys get both of those. Yeah, yeah,

01:28:58.920 --> 01:29:00.960
and they need to know what they are and how to

01:29:00.960 --> 01:29:04.319
treat them. And when I got older, I didn't get

01:29:04.319 --> 01:29:06.319
them no more. Yeah, yeah, thank God I didn't

01:29:06.319 --> 01:29:08.239
get any blisters after I was like, you know,

01:29:08.239 --> 01:29:10.340
14 or 15. That would have been a totally different

01:29:10.340 --> 01:29:18.380
deal. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I did, too. I think every

01:29:18.380 --> 01:29:20.520
kid did. But, I mean, you know, later on, the

01:29:20.520 --> 01:29:27.340
general... Yeah, and I love the title, too. It

01:29:27.340 --> 01:29:29.500
tells you what to expect. Little Billy's Genital

01:29:29.500 --> 01:29:33.220
Boil. People are so fickle, Rob, I don't know

01:29:33.220 --> 01:29:37.000
what to say. All right, the next one. Oh, no.

01:29:37.220 --> 01:29:40.380
Little Johnny's Cat Ate Your Hamster. That one.

01:29:42.889 --> 01:29:49.510
I know. What a bunch of pussies. Geez, come on.

01:29:53.149 --> 01:29:58.130
Yeah, yeah. I don't know what to say, but that

01:29:58.130 --> 01:30:00.350
failed the focus panels too, so it's not coming

01:30:00.350 --> 01:30:05.470
out. Thanks a lot. All right. The next one that

01:30:05.470 --> 01:30:08.430
failed the children's book title is The Day Daddy

01:30:08.430 --> 01:30:14.569
Filed His Taxes Wrong. I think I'm glad that

01:30:14.569 --> 01:30:18.649
one didn't come out. What about you? No, honestly,

01:30:18.909 --> 01:30:20.949
I think the kids need to get ready for that.

01:30:21.289 --> 01:30:23.090
You know what? You're right. It's preparing them

01:30:23.090 --> 01:30:25.529
for it. It's like, look, daddy went to prison

01:30:25.529 --> 01:30:28.289
because of a mistake. Sorry, your dad's going

01:30:28.289 --> 01:30:30.909
to prison because he filed his taxes. Get him

01:30:30.909 --> 01:30:34.399
ready for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someday he may

01:30:34.399 --> 01:30:37.960
want to, you know, fudge his taxes too. And by

01:30:37.960 --> 01:30:39.920
this lesson that he learned, he may not, you

01:30:39.920 --> 01:30:43.600
know, because daddy did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Daddy

01:30:43.600 --> 01:30:45.539
come out of the prison a completely different

01:30:45.539 --> 01:30:49.739
guy. He liked wearing dresses. So, all right.

01:30:50.479 --> 01:30:57.140
Next one. Where did grandma's teeth go? That's

01:30:57.140 --> 01:31:01.859
another teaching one. Yeah, don't ask. Grandpa's

01:31:01.859 --> 01:31:06.760
jockstrap. No, I agree on that one. Do not put

01:31:06.760 --> 01:31:10.899
that book out, please. Oh, by the way, Jeffy

01:31:10.899 --> 01:31:13.159
X has another list he's working on right now.

01:31:13.220 --> 01:31:16.760
He's sleuthing because there's a story coming

01:31:16.760 --> 01:31:20.100
up about a lady that when she passed away, they

01:31:20.100 --> 01:31:22.140
found some unique things underneath her mattress.

01:31:22.680 --> 01:31:28.659
Well, Jeffy X had a list of stuff that... That

01:31:28.659 --> 01:31:30.239
you should never find underneath a mattress.

01:31:30.460 --> 01:31:34.380
Your mom's mattress. So, anyhow. The next one.

01:31:34.500 --> 01:31:37.760
The little engine that just gave up. What's wrong

01:31:37.760 --> 01:31:39.699
with that? There's nothing wrong with saying

01:31:39.699 --> 01:31:42.000
fuck it. No shit. No wrong with being a damn

01:31:42.000 --> 01:31:44.000
fool and just keep trying it. You might as well

01:31:44.000 --> 01:31:45.600
just go, you know, this ain't working. I'm out.

01:31:45.699 --> 01:31:49.460
Right? We all say fuck it every now and then.

01:31:49.539 --> 01:31:55.340
You're human. Yeah. Yeah. You should be human.

01:31:56.020 --> 01:32:01.180
I know. I don't have an answer, Rob. I have no

01:32:01.180 --> 01:32:04.220
idea why they didn't. Teach them to be a Terminator.

01:32:04.420 --> 01:32:09.420
Teach them to be a human. Yes. The next one.

01:32:09.619 --> 01:32:12.199
Mommy's new friend, Carl, who lives in the basement.

01:32:14.699 --> 01:32:17.220
I think that sounds great. Oh, you don't like

01:32:17.220 --> 01:32:20.140
it? Okay. That's creepy. That's creepy. Okay.

01:32:20.380 --> 01:32:27.359
Okay. All right. I don't want to speculate. I

01:32:27.359 --> 01:32:31.619
don't want to speculate. Yeah, okay. I get it

01:32:31.619 --> 01:32:37.600
now. All right, the next one. Yes. The next children's

01:32:37.600 --> 01:32:41.619
book title that failed was called Timmy and the

01:32:41.619 --> 01:32:49.140
Unpaid Electricity Bill. Okay. You know what?

01:32:49.180 --> 01:32:51.800
His power gets turned off, right? He'll learn

01:32:51.800 --> 01:32:55.550
not to do it. He'll learn not to go out and buy

01:32:55.550 --> 01:32:57.430
model cars when he should be paying his fucking

01:32:57.430 --> 01:33:00.170
electric bill, right? Exactly. There you go.

01:33:02.369 --> 01:33:05.329
The next children's book title that failed is

01:33:05.329 --> 01:33:10.470
called Daddy's Drunken House Foreclosure. Now,

01:33:10.470 --> 01:33:13.869
come on. Number one, you learn not to get drunk

01:33:13.869 --> 01:33:16.270
and to do business deals, right? And number two,

01:33:16.310 --> 01:33:18.529
you find out what happens when your house gets

01:33:18.529 --> 01:33:20.350
foreclosed on, right? So you don't want to do

01:33:20.350 --> 01:33:28.399
it, right? Like I said. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know,

01:33:28.420 --> 01:33:32.279
Rob. I don't have any idea. There's not many

01:33:32.279 --> 01:33:35.739
I agree with on this. I know. I'm the same way,

01:33:35.779 --> 01:33:40.340
Rob. The next one is of the children's book title

01:33:40.340 --> 01:33:43.100
that failed is The Cookie Jar is Empty Because

01:33:43.100 --> 01:33:46.539
of Inflation. You see, that teaches that you

01:33:46.539 --> 01:33:49.720
know that inflation, you have to budget your

01:33:49.720 --> 01:33:53.460
money correctly. I don't get it. Once again,

01:33:54.239 --> 01:33:59.760
I don't get it. The next one of the children's

01:33:59.760 --> 01:34:03.279
book's titles that failed was The Dog That Remembered

01:34:03.279 --> 01:34:09.520
Too Much. Rob? Oh, that'll bite you in the ass

01:34:09.520 --> 01:34:14.060
every time, too. Yeah, so I think I'm going to

01:34:14.060 --> 01:34:16.899
have to agree with that one. Yeah, my beagle,

01:34:17.039 --> 01:34:20.140
awesome. Yeah, that's what this tells on me all

01:34:20.140 --> 01:34:22.279
the time. Oh, they do. They know they're doing

01:34:22.279 --> 01:34:29.960
it, too. The next title, he had a lot of book

01:34:29.960 --> 01:34:35.159
titles on this, so. The next one is called My

01:34:35.159 --> 01:34:39.079
Imaginary Friend Hates Me. You see, that teaches

01:34:39.079 --> 01:34:41.520
a valuable lesson. They're used to it. Yeah.

01:34:42.300 --> 01:34:45.260
It's like sometimes people don't like you, and

01:34:45.260 --> 01:34:49.659
who cares? They might act like they like you,

01:34:49.680 --> 01:34:52.579
but, you know. Yeah, yeah. You gotta learn it

01:34:52.579 --> 01:34:56.300
somewhere. Yeah. So, again, I think they failed

01:34:56.300 --> 01:35:01.220
on this. Next one is, don't worry, that's just

01:35:01.220 --> 01:35:06.539
the carbon monoxide alarm. Oh, come on. I know,

01:35:06.720 --> 01:35:10.100
I know, I know. You know, Rob, I don't have any

01:35:10.100 --> 01:35:12.460
answers for this. These children book titles

01:35:12.460 --> 01:35:15.079
are excellent, and they teach them, you know,

01:35:15.079 --> 01:35:29.279
they teach them lessons, valuable lessons. Yeah,

01:35:29.279 --> 01:35:35.159
yeah. Watch your breathing. Yeah, yes. Cover

01:35:35.159 --> 01:35:38.819
your mouth. Yes. Get the hell out of there. Open

01:35:38.819 --> 01:35:44.359
windows. Dude, I tell you. Yeah, okay. This is

01:35:44.359 --> 01:35:47.439
my first podcast back in a week, everybody. I

01:35:47.439 --> 01:35:50.579
missed it. I'm a little old tonight. You are.

01:35:50.699 --> 01:35:54.569
You are. The next... children's book title that

01:35:54.569 --> 01:35:56.789
failed the focus panels and is not going to come

01:35:56.789 --> 01:36:03.550
out now is the boy who googled himself never

01:36:03.550 --> 01:36:08.310
whatsoever do that no no you'll find out about

01:36:08.310 --> 01:36:10.430
your stuff you know about yourself that you've

01:36:10.430 --> 01:36:13.149
never knew okay because of someone else with

01:36:13.149 --> 01:36:15.949
the same name i will give i will give him that

01:36:15.949 --> 01:36:24.310
one okay ever google yourself no no um And in

01:36:24.310 --> 01:36:30.409
a related title, Grandpa's Internet Search History.

01:36:33.510 --> 01:36:35.890
You see, I think that teaches a valuable lesson.

01:36:35.949 --> 01:36:38.750
Don't be like Grandpa, and you have to erase

01:36:38.750 --> 01:36:43.390
your Internet history, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think

01:36:43.390 --> 01:36:45.229
they missed the boat on that one, too. I think

01:36:45.229 --> 01:36:47.949
it has a great children's book title, and I don't

01:36:47.949 --> 01:36:57.850
know why it's not going to be used now. That's

01:36:57.850 --> 01:37:01.229
true. You know, Rob, I don't have an answer for

01:37:01.229 --> 01:37:05.789
this. Okay, I got this one thing I do. Why do

01:37:05.789 --> 01:37:09.210
I do it? And you go Google Grandpa. Oh, there

01:37:09.210 --> 01:37:12.850
it is. Yeah, you see? Yeah, you see his search

01:37:12.850 --> 01:37:14.770
history and go, I'm not going to do that. I'm

01:37:14.770 --> 01:37:19.789
going to erase my shit. No, I'm going to have

01:37:19.789 --> 01:37:32.649
to pass that one. No. There you go. The next

01:37:32.649 --> 01:37:36.909
one is when Santa missed our house again. Well,

01:37:36.930 --> 01:37:39.050
that's what you get for being a miserable little

01:37:39.050 --> 01:37:42.390
brat. And that teaches a lesson. Be a good kid

01:37:42.390 --> 01:37:44.909
and you'll have Santa stopping there. You be

01:37:44.909 --> 01:37:59.760
a little dick, Santa goes on by, right? Yeah,

01:37:59.779 --> 01:38:01.560
he says, fuck you. I'm not even giving you coal

01:38:01.560 --> 01:38:03.359
anymore. I'm just going by. I'm just giving you

01:38:03.359 --> 01:38:24.859
the cold shoulder. Yeah. You see, the whole time

01:38:24.859 --> 01:38:27.119
I thought that someone played a bad joke on me.

01:38:27.199 --> 01:38:42.039
I guess not. That's right. You're right. I agree.

01:38:47.539 --> 01:38:52.739
You're right. We only have a few more titles

01:38:52.739 --> 01:38:55.859
left, so bear with me here. The next one is,

01:38:55.939 --> 01:38:59.750
why is everyone crying in the kitchen? I don't

01:38:59.750 --> 01:39:01.210
see anything wrong with that either. You've got

01:39:01.210 --> 01:39:03.350
to know that people have disappointments in life,

01:39:03.449 --> 01:39:06.670
right? Yes. This is how you learn it. You go

01:39:06.670 --> 01:39:08.109
in there, everybody's crying. You go, all right,

01:39:08.109 --> 01:39:11.090
what happened? And they go, well, daddy was caught

01:39:11.090 --> 01:39:14.430
with four hookers and cocaine. Oh, then you know,

01:39:14.510 --> 01:39:21.029
right? Yeah. The next to the last one, the tooth

01:39:21.029 --> 01:39:23.449
fairy's budget cuts. Well, you've got to know,

01:39:23.609 --> 01:39:27.239
sometimes, hard times, Trump. having a little

01:39:27.239 --> 01:39:29.039
something extra for getting your tooth out, right?

01:39:29.319 --> 01:39:32.460
Tooth fairy doesn't have any money. What is a

01:39:32.460 --> 01:39:36.420
tooth fairy going to do, right? It's called inflation.

01:39:37.199 --> 01:39:41.560
Yes. Yes. So don't be mad at the tooth fairy.

01:39:41.880 --> 01:39:45.439
And the tooth fairy has a budget. That's true.

01:39:45.699 --> 01:39:47.659
They can't just go around and throw money at

01:39:47.659 --> 01:39:50.800
everybody. So you didn't make the cut. Fucking

01:39:50.800 --> 01:39:55.800
just buckle up and get on with it. And then finally,

01:39:56.380 --> 01:39:59.680
This one is for you, Rob, if you remember the

01:39:59.680 --> 01:40:09.680
episode, The Clown That Touched My PP. No. You

01:40:09.680 --> 01:40:11.319
don't remember that? You don't remember that?

01:40:12.699 --> 01:40:17.460
Yeah, I remember. No, no, no. No? No. No, dude,

01:40:17.479 --> 01:40:20.659
I'm pretty bad. Okay, okay. It's not going to

01:40:20.659 --> 01:40:22.720
be pretty. Well, it was a good. It failed the

01:40:22.720 --> 01:40:31.829
focus panel. It's just a personal experience.

01:40:37.310 --> 01:40:39.609
Yeah, yeah. So don't let a clown touch your pee

01:40:39.609 --> 01:40:42.369
-pee. Right, Rob? No, no. It leads to bad things.

01:40:42.489 --> 01:40:48.529
Never. Never. All right. Rob, it's 930. Do you

01:40:48.529 --> 01:40:52.210
need to go to bed? Yeah, I do. You just made

01:40:52.210 --> 01:40:59.159
me choke on some water. I'm going to. Okay. All

01:40:59.159 --> 01:41:03.720
right. I want to say. Yes. Hello, Albuquerque.

01:41:04.479 --> 01:41:08.840
Hello, Grandma Opal. Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Ricky.

01:41:09.300 --> 01:41:15.279
Hello, everybody. What is it? Harrisburg. Everybody.

01:41:15.659 --> 01:41:19.579
Oh, Hicksville. Hicksville. Hicksville. Oh, no.

01:41:19.659 --> 01:41:22.000
We had some other shit. Yeah, we did. You know

01:41:22.000 --> 01:41:24.760
what? All of you guys. Everyone, if you weren't

01:41:24.760 --> 01:41:41.069
mentioned. We get married the day after Thanksgiving,

01:41:41.310 --> 01:41:48.350
so I'll be back. There you go. Alrighty. Thank

01:41:48.350 --> 01:41:52.590
you, Rob. Thank you to everybody that Rob mentioned,

01:41:52.670 --> 01:41:56.090
and have a good night, assholes. Oh, but we do

01:41:56.090 --> 01:42:00.789
have one more coming before I get married. Yes.

01:42:01.710 --> 01:42:06.310
Actually, two. Actually, two. Two more. that's

01:42:06.310 --> 01:42:08.869
right all right so you get two more rob officially

01:42:08.869 --> 01:42:12.449
not being married so he is taken he's just not

01:42:12.449 --> 01:42:15.289
married currently but he will be married so all

01:42:15.289 --> 01:42:17.869
you ladies that i told you about him and said

01:42:17.869 --> 01:42:20.170
hey come and get it rob's here it's done now

01:42:20.170 --> 01:42:24.470
you missed the boat rob is now yep rob's a taken

01:42:24.470 --> 01:42:28.750
man so it's done so all right everybody have

01:42:28.750 --> 01:42:36.460
a good night Looks like the show's over, kids.

01:42:36.720 --> 01:42:39.600
Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford

01:42:39.600 --> 01:42:42.979
a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be

01:42:42.979 --> 01:42:44.739
back invading your ear holes soon.