WEBVTT

00:00:33.330 --> 00:00:36.670
Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

00:00:36.670 --> 00:00:40.520
on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:43.259
and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:47.000
If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:49.700
you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

00:00:49.700 --> 00:00:53.079
out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:55.840
hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:58.659
I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

00:00:58.659 --> 00:01:03.020
every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

00:01:03.020 --> 00:01:06.090
to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

00:01:06.090 --> 00:01:09.689
download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

00:01:09.689 --> 00:01:12.689
to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

00:01:12.689 --> 00:01:15.750
computers, community computers, and other assorted

00:01:15.750 --> 00:01:17.930
phones and listening devices and download the

00:01:17.930 --> 00:01:21.670
show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:24.329
download the show and constantly barrage everyone

00:01:24.329 --> 00:01:27.849
with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

00:01:27.849 --> 00:01:30.489
Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

00:01:30.489 --> 00:01:33.500
screen the show's name from my front yard. And

00:01:33.500 --> 00:01:35.819
finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:39.540
you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

00:01:39.540 --> 00:01:42.599
Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:46.739
go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

00:01:46.739 --> 00:01:52.239
a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:54.799
Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

00:01:54.799 --> 00:01:57.879
our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

00:01:57.879 --> 00:02:01.200
we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:04.560
Not like all those other guys. We can and will

00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:09.080
lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:20.620
and a microphone. Hey everybody, this is Uncle

00:02:20.620 --> 00:02:23.780
Rob. I'm going to give you some tips for life.

00:02:25.379 --> 00:02:30.120
This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics. Rule

00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:33.789
number one. The title will kick in someone else's

00:02:33.789 --> 00:02:38.889
name. So if you get busted, it's not yours. Rule

00:02:38.889 --> 00:02:42.969
number two, shoot angles complementary to your

00:02:42.969 --> 00:02:49.169
length and girth. Rule number four, no propping

00:02:49.169 --> 00:02:56.389
of the leg. Absolutely no undercarriage. Very

00:02:56.389 --> 00:03:01.210
important. No bat light here. These idiots just

00:03:01.210 --> 00:03:04.449
show up and hope for the best. Hey there, fuckstick.

00:03:04.969 --> 00:03:07.250
You're just in time for brand new feature news

00:03:07.250 --> 00:03:10.949
nobody gives a shit about. A belly dancer in

00:03:10.949 --> 00:03:15.030
Spain. Belly danced for 48 hours, beating the

00:03:15.030 --> 00:03:21.750
old world record by 5 hours. And now, Deep Thoughts

00:03:21.750 --> 00:03:28.050
with Mark. What do you tell when you're out of

00:03:28.050 --> 00:03:37.819
invisible ink? I may never know. Hey, my fellow

00:03:37.819 --> 00:03:41.780
heavy breathers. This is Dash Riptide. Your music

00:03:41.780 --> 00:03:46.360
news. Megadeth has announced a final album in

00:03:46.360 --> 00:03:51.000
a 2026 global farewell tour. To conclude their

00:03:51.000 --> 00:03:53.539
career after 40 years, the first wave of tour

00:03:53.539 --> 00:03:56.599
dates for a Latin American leg in April and May

00:03:56.599 --> 00:04:00.569
2026. With more dates to be announced for the

00:04:00.569 --> 00:04:03.110
worldwide tour, while the full tour schedule

00:04:03.110 --> 00:04:05.469
has been released, tickets for the initial dates

00:04:05.469 --> 00:04:07.870
are available, and there is also an announced

00:04:07.870 --> 00:04:10.449
performance with Iron Maiden Concert in Harrison,

00:04:10.610 --> 00:04:15.710
New Jersey in September 2026. This is Gash Rooktyne,

00:04:15.789 --> 00:04:19.089
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,

00:04:19.189 --> 00:04:32.029
you probably have ear damage, just like me. This

00:04:32.029 --> 00:04:37.149
is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North

00:04:37.149 --> 00:04:43.790
America. You can't touch me. Oh yeah? This is

00:04:43.790 --> 00:04:47.430
Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch. Two douchebags

00:04:47.430 --> 00:04:49.490
and microphone in an effort to keep everything

00:04:49.490 --> 00:04:54.689
fresh. We offer you... First world problems.

00:04:55.689 --> 00:04:59.490
The ATM wants me to make a new PIN number for

00:04:59.490 --> 00:05:02.379
security purposes. I don't have an extra two

00:05:02.379 --> 00:05:05.819
minutes. I need my Starbucks. I'm having the

00:05:05.819 --> 00:05:17.279
worst day ever. Two douchebags and microphone.

00:05:17.459 --> 00:05:19.399
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the

00:05:19.399 --> 00:05:25.899
Talk is Cheap studio. I'm getting carried away

00:05:25.899 --> 00:05:30.620
with that, ain't I? Nah. Nah? Okay. All right.

00:05:30.779 --> 00:05:33.420
Did I sound more like a fucking sheep than they

00:05:33.420 --> 00:05:43.300
did? Nah. Nah. Okay, well, mine's... It's a beautiful

00:05:43.300 --> 00:05:47.180
bagel arm of flesh of the Ozarks in the deaf

00:05:47.180 --> 00:05:51.639
-blind studio for now. Whack, whack. Yes, I'm

00:05:51.639 --> 00:06:05.610
almost over this. Good. Good. Good. And I'm trying

00:06:05.610 --> 00:06:09.029
to do a goat, not a sheep. But it probably sounds

00:06:09.029 --> 00:06:11.670
like a sheep, doesn't it? So, anyhow. I don't

00:06:11.670 --> 00:06:14.550
know what the hell it is. It sounds like goat

00:06:14.550 --> 00:06:18.949
to me. Okay. Well, whatever the hell it is. I

00:06:18.949 --> 00:06:22.629
can do it better. I just kind of like get a little

00:06:22.629 --> 00:06:24.750
crazy and try to do some different shit and it

00:06:24.750 --> 00:06:28.269
ends up sounding horrible. So, anyhow. You know,

00:06:28.269 --> 00:06:30.569
kind of like the podcast. I tried to do some

00:06:30.569 --> 00:06:32.069
different shit. It ends up sounding horrible.

00:06:32.589 --> 00:06:37.889
They love us. They love us. Okay. All right.

00:06:37.930 --> 00:06:40.670
I want to start a new sporting goods store to

00:06:40.670 --> 00:06:43.389
rival Dick's. I want to call it Wieners. What

00:06:43.389 --> 00:06:47.509
do you think, Rob? Sounds awesome. Okay. Val

00:06:47.509 --> 00:06:50.610
suggested Cox, but then I thought P .P.'s or

00:06:50.610 --> 00:06:58.920
maybe Peters. What do you think? Nah. Nah. Peters.

00:06:59.160 --> 00:07:03.079
Peters. With a D. Peters. Because isn't that

00:07:03.079 --> 00:07:05.600
how we used to call wieners of penises when we

00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:11.800
were a child? Peter. P -E -D -E -R. Okay, Peters.

00:07:13.339 --> 00:07:15.939
But speaking of wieners, and this is how all

00:07:15.939 --> 00:07:17.959
this came up. I just saw this bullshit here.

00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:20.420
So I ran into a guy yesterday that I grew up

00:07:20.420 --> 00:07:24.300
with. And I'm telling you this story with his

00:07:24.300 --> 00:07:27.209
permission, okay? He said, go ahead. Because

00:07:27.209 --> 00:07:30.689
I'm not mentioning his name, but anyhow. When

00:07:30.689 --> 00:07:33.649
he was like five or so, he was taking a piss

00:07:33.649 --> 00:07:36.350
when the toilet seat accidentally slammed shut

00:07:36.350 --> 00:07:41.769
on his poor little wiener. I mean, it was a big

00:07:41.769 --> 00:07:44.750
deal. He was fucked up for a while. Imagine that

00:07:44.750 --> 00:07:46.970
when you're a little kid and your little fucking

00:07:46.970 --> 00:07:49.430
thimbles out, right? And all of a sudden that

00:07:49.430 --> 00:07:52.550
toilet seat slams down and smashes your wiener.

00:07:52.629 --> 00:07:55.930
Would that not be the worst fucking pain ever?

00:07:58.600 --> 00:08:01.759
Oh, it did? I guess this happened to more people

00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:05.620
than I thought. Yeah, I was about five when it

00:08:05.620 --> 00:08:08.500
happened, yeah. Okay, this happened to this guy,

00:08:08.579 --> 00:08:11.899
too, this buddy of mine. So he actually, though,

00:08:12.060 --> 00:08:14.959
hadn't had an operation much later because it

00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:18.680
formed scar tissue. He was 27, and I didn't know

00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:20.360
this because I didn't keep track of him after

00:08:20.360 --> 00:08:23.519
school and everything, but he told me this yesterday.

00:08:23.759 --> 00:08:26.600
He actually had to have an operation much later

00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:30.160
when... When he was 27, because it formed scar

00:08:30.160 --> 00:08:32.639
tissue, he suddenly couldn't pee very well and

00:08:32.639 --> 00:08:35.960
it hurt. So they had to ore it out like snaking

00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:41.379
a drain, dude. Does that sound horrible? Oh,

00:08:41.379 --> 00:08:46.039
damn. Yeah, because I guess they left it like

00:08:46.039 --> 00:08:48.120
it was when he was a child. You know, this is

00:08:48.120 --> 00:08:53.370
the late 60s, early 70 -ish, right? So they probably

00:08:53.370 --> 00:08:55.509
didn't really know that much what to do about

00:08:55.509 --> 00:08:58.070
it back then, or wasn't it as advanced, or didn't

00:08:58.070 --> 00:09:01.149
have, like, the type of machines to look at,

00:09:01.289 --> 00:09:04.210
you know. But there was some damage done. But

00:09:04.210 --> 00:09:05.970
I guess since, you know, he got better and could

00:09:05.970 --> 00:09:07.789
pee, they're just like, oh, okay, he's all right,

00:09:07.889 --> 00:09:14.190
you know, okay. So, anyhow, so I made an observation

00:09:14.190 --> 00:09:16.549
that's completely different like everything else

00:09:16.549 --> 00:09:19.389
that we do. An unrelated day thing I just said.

00:09:20.029 --> 00:09:21.990
Over the last week, I've been forced to listen

00:09:21.990 --> 00:09:25.269
to about every morning show on radio in Kansas

00:09:25.269 --> 00:09:28.789
City, all of them, most popular and not so popular.

00:09:30.889 --> 00:09:34.230
Okay, they cannot seem to sell out their commercials.

00:09:34.870 --> 00:09:38.389
They had all of them, the most popular and the

00:09:38.389 --> 00:09:42.490
ones with horrible ratings. They couldn't sell

00:09:42.490 --> 00:09:44.250
all their commercials, so they had to have public

00:09:44.250 --> 00:09:49.700
service announcement on every break. That's unheard

00:09:49.700 --> 00:09:54.139
of before. I mean, radio is in bad shape, Rob.

00:09:54.279 --> 00:09:55.700
I mean, I don't know how they're going to do

00:09:55.700 --> 00:10:00.399
it. Because if they can't sell commercials to

00:10:00.399 --> 00:10:03.320
their premium audience, which would be the mornings,

00:10:03.580 --> 00:10:06.340
I don't know what they can do. I mean, they're

00:10:06.340 --> 00:10:08.200
in a lot of trouble. They're in more trouble

00:10:08.200 --> 00:10:15.519
than I ever thought. So, anyhow. I went to the

00:10:15.519 --> 00:10:17.720
City Market Tuesday to have my Cubano. Oh, real

00:10:17.720 --> 00:10:22.279
quick. Ramon is going to have to wait because

00:10:22.279 --> 00:10:25.179
tomorrow I'm not going to be able to do the podcast

00:10:25.179 --> 00:10:28.340
with him. I'm going to send him a message and

00:10:28.340 --> 00:10:31.779
tell him next Tuesday most likely. So anyhow,

00:10:31.860 --> 00:10:33.639
I really want to talk to Ramon. I'm just not

00:10:33.639 --> 00:10:35.500
going to be able to do it tomorrow because of

00:10:35.500 --> 00:10:39.559
things that I have to do. So anyhow, I went to

00:10:39.559 --> 00:10:42.379
the City Market Tuesday to have my Cubano and

00:10:42.379 --> 00:10:46.090
a breakfast entree. that they have called a pile.

00:10:46.830 --> 00:10:49.970
It's code name among us commoners is shit on

00:10:49.970 --> 00:10:53.110
the shingle. Know what I'm talking about? Yeah,

00:10:53.210 --> 00:10:55.970
yeah, yeah. So, but they have to call it a pile

00:10:55.970 --> 00:10:59.669
because this is a coffee house slash restaurant,

00:10:59.789 --> 00:11:02.529
okay? But it's shit on a shingle, basically it's

00:11:02.529 --> 00:11:05.090
sausage, hash browns, toast, bacon bits covered

00:11:05.090 --> 00:11:10.139
in a delicious gravy. So Nicole, who is a lovely

00:11:10.139 --> 00:11:13.700
lady who I speak about often, and she owns the

00:11:13.700 --> 00:11:16.539
coffee house. We had a fantastic conversation.

00:11:16.759 --> 00:11:18.899
She would be the owner of the City Market Coffee,

00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:22.759
like we said. And she is such a unique person.

00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:25.899
Those type of people I gravitate towards because

00:11:25.899 --> 00:11:31.059
they have so much interesting knowledge. eclectic

00:11:31.059 --> 00:11:33.539
and uh and the story she's told me about in her

00:11:33.539 --> 00:11:36.700
trips to Greece and Peru and a few others she

00:11:36.700 --> 00:11:39.340
had all these fantastic photos and cool stories

00:11:39.340 --> 00:11:42.740
um I hope she listens to this uh she she needs

00:11:42.740 --> 00:11:45.220
to know how cool she is because she has this

00:11:45.220 --> 00:11:48.899
thing where she takes pictures of neat man covers

00:11:48.899 --> 00:11:51.080
or woman covers or whatever you want to call

00:11:51.080 --> 00:11:57.620
them okay um manhole covers so um I didn't realize

00:11:57.620 --> 00:11:59.940
this, but now I do since she said something.

00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:03.019
They all have different patterns and engraving

00:12:03.019 --> 00:12:06.779
and messages on them, right? And it was cool.

00:12:07.179 --> 00:12:09.659
Like the one in Peru had a cool message. I forgot

00:12:09.659 --> 00:12:12.840
what it was. You know, the one in Greece. I recognize

00:12:12.840 --> 00:12:14.519
that. She goes, hey, you know that one? I'm like,

00:12:14.620 --> 00:12:16.940
yeah, yeah, that's Greece. So that would tell

00:12:16.940 --> 00:12:18.879
me that she does listen to the podcast a little

00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:20.460
bit because I don't think I've ever informed

00:12:20.460 --> 00:12:24.100
her I was Greek. So anyhow, so that's cool. I'm

00:12:24.100 --> 00:12:27.129
glad that she... bothered, I think, to listen

00:12:27.129 --> 00:12:31.610
in a little bit. So I told her that, you know,

00:12:31.669 --> 00:12:36.610
Topher was having a difficult time. So next time

00:12:36.610 --> 00:12:38.909
I'm in there, she is sending me a coffee for

00:12:38.909 --> 00:12:41.509
me to take to him. That was a really sweet gesture,

00:12:41.610 --> 00:12:46.610
isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It is. Yeah, yeah. So she's

00:12:46.610 --> 00:12:48.190
going to send me a coffee to take to him and

00:12:48.190 --> 00:12:51.009
say, hey, this is from Nicole. She wants you

00:12:51.009 --> 00:12:54.059
to, you know, to... get better, get to feeling

00:12:54.059 --> 00:12:56.480
better and everything, you know, because I'm

00:12:56.480 --> 00:12:58.320
not going to go into it, but I really sympathize

00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:00.620
for him. Topher's a really, really good friend.

00:13:00.679 --> 00:13:03.259
He's one of my better friends, and I don't like

00:13:03.259 --> 00:13:08.700
to see him not doing well. It sucks. So, well,

00:13:08.860 --> 00:13:12.039
I don't know if Topher likes McRibs or not, but

00:13:12.039 --> 00:13:15.480
they're back, so this will be my excuse to get

00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:17.059
one, and if he doesn't like them, then I guess

00:13:17.059 --> 00:13:23.659
I get to eat the extra one, right? Oh, I'll save

00:13:23.659 --> 00:13:27.840
it for you. Hell yeah. It won't be no good by

00:13:27.840 --> 00:13:30.259
the time I get it. Are you kidding? It's McDonald's.

00:13:30.279 --> 00:13:34.559
It'll be good 50 years from now. You're right.

00:13:34.679 --> 00:13:37.139
We can put it in a storm shelter. We should eat

00:13:37.139 --> 00:13:41.600
it. Yes, I think that's what you should do on

00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:45.860
all bunkers like yours there in Camden, Missouri.

00:13:46.220 --> 00:13:49.840
We've spoke about it many times. Fill it with

00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:54.899
McDonald's stuff. Oh, okay. All right, cool.

00:13:55.159 --> 00:13:57.360
Well, I mean, you are the bunker guy. You're

00:13:57.360 --> 00:13:59.539
the bunker loincloth guy. Everybody knows this,

00:13:59.620 --> 00:14:02.960
so you got to keep doing what you do, right?

00:14:04.799 --> 00:14:09.159
Yep, definitely. All right. So, but all the participating

00:14:09.159 --> 00:14:11.820
McDonald's as of right now are a good distance

00:14:11.820 --> 00:14:14.299
away from me, like Blue Springs and bullshit

00:14:14.299 --> 00:14:17.899
like that. I'm like, man. So, in all actuality,

00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:21.340
will I probably get one? No. Unless there's one

00:14:21.340 --> 00:14:24.100
that's within three miles of me, I'm not going

00:14:24.100 --> 00:14:27.039
to go get one. I threaten to. I say I'm going

00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:28.799
to, but I'm never going to do it. You know what

00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:32.220
I mean? If it's too far away, you're just going

00:14:32.220 --> 00:14:34.779
to be like, every time you get ready to go, you're

00:14:34.779 --> 00:14:37.279
like, ah, screw it. I'm not going all the way

00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:39.779
over there. The sun's out. I don't know. You

00:14:39.779 --> 00:14:42.820
make up excuses. My toe itches. I cannot. So

00:14:42.820 --> 00:14:55.370
whatever. Oh, yeah. I pick it up, I get it home,

00:14:55.629 --> 00:14:59.710
eat it there hot, or either way, I still have

00:14:59.710 --> 00:15:03.909
another half hour. It's an hour trip. Well, KFC,

00:15:04.110 --> 00:15:07.389
I would wait, and I would eat that when you're

00:15:07.389 --> 00:15:12.570
there hot, because whenever that stuff gets cold,

00:15:12.629 --> 00:15:15.049
it never does warm up, even in the oven or air

00:15:15.049 --> 00:15:17.990
fryer. It never brings it back to life like it

00:15:17.990 --> 00:15:20.539
was when it first came out of the fryers. So,

00:15:20.539 --> 00:15:24.120
I'm going to go into something a little bit different

00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:26.620
here. Anyone who has listened to this podcast

00:15:26.620 --> 00:15:31.840
knows my disdain for Howard Stern. Okay, right?

00:15:32.299 --> 00:15:36.139
Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, okay. So, I just

00:15:36.139 --> 00:15:40.379
now figured out what Stern is now. My opinion

00:15:40.379 --> 00:15:44.879
is this. He is the new Don Imus. The guy he used

00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:48.379
to ridicule because he was old and grumpy. Yes.

00:15:48.840 --> 00:15:53.299
He is exactly the new Don Imus. Oh, my God. I

00:15:53.299 --> 00:15:56.019
think you nailed it right there. Yeah, he is

00:15:56.019 --> 00:15:58.840
the person that he used to ridicule and make

00:15:58.840 --> 00:16:04.200
fun of and say he would never become. Yeah, look

00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:09.279
at what Daisy says. Yeah, yeah. Grumpy old bastard,

00:16:09.440 --> 00:16:12.820
opinionated, fucking bag of fucking wind and

00:16:12.820 --> 00:16:16.539
shit. Don wasn't particularly funny anymore,

00:16:16.620 --> 00:16:19.610
just like Stern. He was a complainer, just like

00:16:19.610 --> 00:16:22.409
Stern is now, and he stayed at the table way

00:16:22.409 --> 00:16:25.169
too long and has tarnished his reputation, just

00:16:25.169 --> 00:16:29.590
like Stern. And he has lost most of the audience,

00:16:29.950 --> 00:16:33.289
just like Imus did at the end. Stern needs to

00:16:33.289 --> 00:16:36.129
hang it up, or better yet, SiriusXM just needs

00:16:36.129 --> 00:16:38.870
to do the dirty work for him and ax him right

00:16:38.870 --> 00:16:42.649
away and say, no, no more. We could let you run

00:16:42.649 --> 00:16:45.389
a little bit longer, but no, you suck. So go

00:16:45.389 --> 00:16:48.000
ahead and... Go ahead and find your way out of

00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:53.000
here. The door is over there. Hang up your microphone.

00:16:53.460 --> 00:16:56.980
Hang up your mic. You're no good anymore. Like

00:16:56.980 --> 00:17:01.360
I said, I never was a huge fan of his. Anyhow,

00:17:01.419 --> 00:17:06.019
I always thought he was more of a downer. He

00:17:06.019 --> 00:17:12.839
had, to me, a real shitty outlook on life. Him

00:17:12.839 --> 00:17:16.819
himself, to me, sounded sad. and desperate and

00:17:16.819 --> 00:17:21.680
lonely, where the people around him were good.

00:17:22.539 --> 00:17:26.000
But him himself, I never thought that much of

00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:29.059
him. I never thought that much of him as an entertainer

00:17:29.059 --> 00:17:33.940
or anything. So, anyhow. He's getting old. Yeah,

00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:45.109
when he was younger, he was much better. Oh,

00:17:45.150 --> 00:17:46.849
no, ours is going to be better. Are you kidding?

00:17:47.490 --> 00:17:52.630
Yeah, it's got to be. Yeah, I mean, if we suck

00:17:52.630 --> 00:17:54.190
right now, where are we going to go? We've got

00:17:54.190 --> 00:18:00.769
to get better, right? Yes, we will. Yeah, okay.

00:18:01.410 --> 00:18:04.069
Let's see. So now it's podcasting, so we'd have

00:18:04.069 --> 00:18:08.369
to top Joe Rogan. Oh, no, no, no. Actually, is

00:18:08.369 --> 00:18:10.769
it New Heights? The Kelsey brothers might have...

00:18:10.769 --> 00:18:15.259
I think they may... Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking

00:18:15.259 --> 00:18:19.579
they may be more popular than Joe Rogan. Actually,

00:18:19.619 --> 00:18:22.599
I think they are. Yeah. I really do. Yeah, so

00:18:22.599 --> 00:18:25.920
that's what we've got to try to ascend to there.

00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:30.039
But no, the state of radio is sad. I couldn't

00:18:30.039 --> 00:18:33.059
believe it because, like I said, this week and

00:18:33.059 --> 00:18:35.420
last week in particular, everyone's been having

00:18:35.420 --> 00:18:38.000
their turn at the radio, and they all like different

00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:40.900
tastes. And I listen to every one of the local

00:18:40.900 --> 00:18:46.880
morning shows. I mean, number one, they're pretty

00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:50.759
damn boring. They're pretty damn vanilla, you

00:18:50.759 --> 00:18:56.839
know. They're pretty predictable, right? Everything's

00:18:56.839 --> 00:19:02.039
just safe and sterile. And it also shows in the

00:19:02.039 --> 00:19:06.049
advertisement. Nobody's listening. That's how

00:19:06.049 --> 00:19:08.549
come they can't fill, you know, morning is the

00:19:08.549 --> 00:19:11.450
hot spot. Morning's where most radio stations

00:19:11.450 --> 00:19:14.009
make their money is their morning show. You got

00:19:14.009 --> 00:19:15.869
to have, yeah, you got to have a hot shot morning

00:19:15.869 --> 00:19:19.089
show, right? And everybody listens on their way

00:19:19.089 --> 00:19:22.450
to work and, you know, it's the hot button stuff

00:19:22.450 --> 00:19:28.170
and everything. And, you know, it's like when

00:19:28.170 --> 00:19:31.029
you get the huge ratings, like let's say a station

00:19:31.029 --> 00:19:34.140
on its own has like a five share. In the mornings,

00:19:34.259 --> 00:19:37.220
if it's a good show, they have 13, 14, 15 share.

00:19:38.099 --> 00:19:42.240
It's just not like that anymore. None of it sizzles.

00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.019
None of it stands out. None of it. And that's

00:19:45.019 --> 00:19:47.079
how come you get public service announcements

00:19:47.079 --> 00:19:50.720
on every commercial break. You would have never.

00:19:50.900 --> 00:19:53.619
The public service announcements before in radio

00:19:53.619 --> 00:19:59.400
were left to 2 a .m. They weren't prime time.

00:19:59.700 --> 00:20:03.279
It was like, okay, we got to. you know do a certain

00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:06.359
amount of these so they wait till like 2 a .m

00:20:06.359 --> 00:20:08.240
and do them all because nobody was listening

00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:11.460
so now in the mornings nobody's listening so

00:20:11.460 --> 00:20:12.779
they just throw them in there they don't have

00:20:12.779 --> 00:20:15.019
enough commercials so they're like well we got

00:20:15.019 --> 00:20:17.160
to have something we got a five minute spot here

00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:18.720
so what are we going to do and it's like well

00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:21.339
um well how about yogi bear you want to throw

00:20:21.339 --> 00:20:24.099
yogi bear yeah yeah let's put yogi bear in there

00:20:24.099 --> 00:20:28.180
you know so anyhow so since this is kind of a

00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:31.549
um A smaller version because I have stuff I have

00:20:31.549 --> 00:20:35.069
to do immediately after. And Rob's voice, we're

00:20:35.069 --> 00:20:37.369
not sure if it's going to give out or not. We're

00:20:37.369 --> 00:20:39.589
going to go ahead and turn it over to you earlier,

00:20:39.750 --> 00:20:47.329
as in right now. Are you ready? Well, I'm going

00:20:47.329 --> 00:20:49.690
to grab some more lemonade real quick. Oh, okay.

00:20:49.930 --> 00:21:02.920
Okay, that's all right. Uh -huh. You know, kind

00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:05.119
of help my voice a little bit. Yeah, yeah, lemon

00:21:05.119 --> 00:21:07.500
helps cut that phlegm and everything out, you

00:21:07.500 --> 00:21:10.059
know. Yeah, and that's what I got. There's a

00:21:10.059 --> 00:21:13.759
lot of phlegm. It's got to be a science invention.

00:21:14.339 --> 00:21:17.920
Yeah. Anyway, I found this Milo's lemonade. I'm

00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:22.299
giving it a shot tonight. Okay. Try to keep my

00:21:22.299 --> 00:21:28.279
voice a little... I mean, your voice sounds better

00:21:28.279 --> 00:21:30.079
than the other day. I can tell you that right

00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:35.700
now. It sounds stronger and not quite as raspy.

00:21:41.779 --> 00:22:51.319
Awesome. We love that segment. Uh huh. and what?

00:22:53.579 --> 00:23:29.059
hello? one second okay Hmm. Okay. And these are

00:23:29.059 --> 00:23:37.680
timeshare deeds? They were. Well, what happened

00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:42.700
was a lot of that land was condos. Mm -hmm. That

00:23:42.700 --> 00:23:45.859
they had to buy. Yeah, yeah, I got you. They

00:23:45.859 --> 00:23:49.539
had to settle up on getting a lot of the money

00:23:49.539 --> 00:24:05.430
and that shit. Park and parking garage parts

00:24:05.430 --> 00:24:09.430
of the project will open in the summer of next

00:24:09.430 --> 00:24:14.650
year, followed by Marriott and Waterpark to open

00:24:14.650 --> 00:24:39.609
in the first quarter of 2027. Oh, okay. Okay.

00:24:39.609 --> 00:24:44.230
To get some money back on the bonds from all

00:24:44.230 --> 00:24:48.549
the condos and stuff. Yeah, yeah, I got it. Now

00:24:48.549 --> 00:24:51.190
they're back up and running. Okay, all right.

00:24:52.150 --> 00:24:54.769
Yeah, I remember reading something on the Internet

00:24:54.769 --> 00:24:57.990
about that, about all of it stopped, but I didn't

00:24:57.990 --> 00:25:00.210
get a chance to look it over really good. Okay,

00:25:00.329 --> 00:25:03.630
that makes sense. So now they're going to go

00:25:03.630 --> 00:25:06.029
ahead and get back on track. So that's cool.

00:25:08.970 --> 00:25:11.210
All right, go ahead. You got another one, or

00:25:11.210 --> 00:25:16.269
is that it? That was it on that. Okay, you want

00:25:16.269 --> 00:25:19.029
to take our first break and come back with some

00:25:19.029 --> 00:25:22.750
emails? Sounds great. All right, we'll be right

00:25:22.750 --> 00:25:32.829
back. Next up, things overheard in hell. John

00:25:32.829 --> 00:25:37.569
Wayne Gacy is in charge of human resources. Sir.

00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:40.680
I see your qualifications here. May I ask some

00:25:40.680 --> 00:25:42.420
further questions that could help me determine

00:25:42.420 --> 00:25:45.819
your employment eligibility? Yes, sir. I'm ready.

00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:48.880
Well, as you can see here, we have a large population

00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:51.500
of different ethnic backgrounds, sexuality, and

00:25:51.500 --> 00:25:56.299
ages. Are you by chance bilingual? Well, sir,

00:25:56.400 --> 00:25:58.839
I'm not sure why you need that kind of information,

00:25:58.839 --> 00:26:01.960
but, well, it was only one time in summer camp.

00:26:02.299 --> 00:26:12.230
I considered it experimental. Jam X. What the

00:26:12.230 --> 00:26:16.809
hell happened? You were the generation of change.

00:26:19.309 --> 00:26:23.509
You never wanted to be one of them. Apathy spoke

00:26:23.509 --> 00:26:29.589
for you. Fuck the man. Fuck the system. What

00:26:29.589 --> 00:26:34.049
the hell happened? The generation of angst? The

00:26:34.049 --> 00:26:37.859
generation of non -compliance? Is now buying

00:26:37.859 --> 00:26:41.059
a boat? You're really fed up to kill someone

00:26:41.059 --> 00:26:44.900
who dangled a dollar near you? Great job, Xers.

00:26:45.420 --> 00:26:59.740
Everything's ruined. Two douchebags and microphone.

00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.960
The only podcast with gusto. That's right, gusto.

00:27:05.839 --> 00:27:13.460
Just like Schlitz beer. Google it. Ms. Gulkenstein

00:27:13.460 --> 00:27:15.480
was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of

00:27:15.480 --> 00:27:18.400
her. Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein

00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:21.119
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.

00:27:21.660 --> 00:27:25.519
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing

00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:30.220
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to

00:27:30.220 --> 00:27:32.200
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.

00:27:32.539 --> 00:27:36.420
Here are the adventures of Rob. The Capuchin

00:27:36.420 --> 00:27:41.700
Monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen

00:27:41.700 --> 00:27:44.460
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the

00:27:44.460 --> 00:27:47.299
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has

00:27:47.299 --> 00:27:49.740
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway

00:27:49.740 --> 00:28:13.930
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob

00:28:13.930 --> 00:28:17.390
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's

00:28:17.390 --> 00:28:19.509
Club and became violently pissed off when he

00:28:19.509 --> 00:28:22.269
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly

00:28:22.269 --> 00:28:24.470
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days

00:28:24.470 --> 00:28:28.829
straight. Rob could not sit down. Now it's time

00:28:28.829 --> 00:28:31.430
for Pickup Lines from a Loser. If you were a

00:28:31.430 --> 00:28:49.869
fruit, you would be a fine apple. And my dog

00:28:49.869 --> 00:28:54.150
brings me the same toy. Is it because it's his

00:28:54.150 --> 00:29:01.089
favorite toy? Or he thinks it's mine? Two douchebags

00:29:01.089 --> 00:29:03.069
and microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City

00:29:03.069 --> 00:29:21.519
area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Which the 4

00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:29.559
now is coming really quick. Yeah, I'm hoping

00:29:29.559 --> 00:29:34.279
to be over there before that. I'm hoping to be

00:29:34.279 --> 00:29:38.980
there not this coming weekend, but the following

00:29:38.980 --> 00:29:49.829
weekend. We'll see. All right, first one. Mark,

00:29:50.029 --> 00:29:52.210
you struck a nerve yesterday with a talk, and

00:29:52.210 --> 00:29:54.069
this came the other day. We were talking about

00:29:54.069 --> 00:29:56.789
the podcast Sunday night. Mark, you struck a

00:29:56.789 --> 00:29:59.029
nerve yesterday with your talk about a friend

00:29:59.029 --> 00:30:02.390
throwing out criticism unsolicited. I have a

00:30:02.390 --> 00:30:04.869
couple people in my life like that. I don't understand

00:30:04.869 --> 00:30:08.730
if it's envy trying to one -up or whatever. I

00:30:08.730 --> 00:30:11.529
just know it's not meant to help you. You said

00:30:11.529 --> 00:30:13.609
you hardly ever talk to the guy anymore. Are

00:30:13.609 --> 00:30:16.349
you sure he's a friend? Middy in Pittsburgh.

00:30:30.379 --> 00:30:34.579
Which I can vouch, back in the day, we were all

00:30:34.579 --> 00:30:42.339
the best of friends. But it's been 40 years.

00:30:42.640 --> 00:30:47.690
Yeah. I don't know really that much about him

00:30:47.690 --> 00:30:50.750
anymore. All I know is what he said on that,

00:30:50.890 --> 00:30:54.970
you know, the text that he put on Facebook. I

00:30:54.970 --> 00:30:58.470
didn't really particularly care for him. Yeah,

00:30:59.109 --> 00:31:02.069
I mean, honestly, you know, I hear he's retired

00:31:02.069 --> 00:31:05.089
now. Maybe he needs a hobby. And I'm not saying

00:31:05.089 --> 00:31:07.529
that smartass. I'm saying that, like, if you're

00:31:07.529 --> 00:31:09.970
worried about a podcast, you need something to

00:31:09.970 --> 00:31:13.809
do. Honestly. And I'm not dogging him. I love

00:31:13.809 --> 00:31:18.420
the guy. But honestly, yeah, if you're going

00:31:18.420 --> 00:31:21.660
to criticize and be all up in arms about a podcast

00:31:21.660 --> 00:31:23.559
like that, if it gets under your skin that bad,

00:31:23.740 --> 00:31:26.859
you're doing something wrong. You need to get

00:31:26.859 --> 00:31:29.180
busy. You need to find something to do. And I

00:31:29.180 --> 00:31:31.079
don't care if it's volunteer work or something.

00:31:31.200 --> 00:31:34.980
Go build houses for the veterans or something.

00:31:35.059 --> 00:31:38.559
But man, don't sit there and coil over a fucking

00:31:38.559 --> 00:31:41.839
podcast and tell someone to get better. That's

00:31:41.839 --> 00:31:49.109
ridiculous. Yeah, I'm sure I could fine -comb

00:31:49.109 --> 00:31:51.970
your fucking life and come up with stuff, too.

00:31:52.130 --> 00:31:54.150
But you know what? I'm done with it. So, all

00:31:54.150 --> 00:31:59.730
right. Yep. Rob, you need a loincloth with Mitch's

00:31:59.730 --> 00:32:02.710
face on it. I think that would be fun. Roth in

00:32:02.710 --> 00:32:10.029
Texas. Rob, it's all yours. I would get one if

00:32:10.029 --> 00:32:20.569
Mitch would reveal his face. Oh, I... I don't

00:32:20.569 --> 00:32:23.490
know. I don't know. This is like the only thing

00:32:23.490 --> 00:32:25.670
he has over us now. I don't think he's revealing

00:32:25.670 --> 00:32:31.309
himself. He has not even started to. You know?

00:32:32.109 --> 00:32:36.150
Yeah, I mean, and I thought and thought and thought

00:32:36.150 --> 00:32:42.950
about who it could be. Mitch, come forward. Rob

00:32:42.950 --> 00:32:46.900
wants your face on his loincloth. Well, all right.

00:32:48.440 --> 00:32:51.339
Hey, Mark. The solo cast was great. I really

00:32:51.339 --> 00:32:53.900
enjoyed Mr. Creepy and the other older segments.

00:32:54.079 --> 00:32:56.539
I hope you continue to repurpose those shows.

00:32:56.799 --> 00:32:59.559
I would also like a Topher update, please. Is

00:32:59.559 --> 00:33:03.960
he doing well? Ronnie in Tulsa. The Tulsa King.

00:33:05.259 --> 00:33:09.539
Yes. I need to get a hold of Topher. I mean,

00:33:09.559 --> 00:33:11.539
he's doing reasonably well, but, you know, I

00:33:11.539 --> 00:33:15.529
mean. He's had some stuff happen, and I really

00:33:15.529 --> 00:33:21.789
feel for him because it sucks. And, I mean, last

00:33:21.789 --> 00:33:24.029
I knew, he was doing okay, and I imagine he still

00:33:24.029 --> 00:33:26.289
is. But I need to touch base and see how he's

00:33:26.289 --> 00:33:28.190
doing. I also need to take him his free coffee

00:33:28.190 --> 00:33:31.029
next time I get a chance to go down to the city

00:33:31.029 --> 00:33:37.529
market. So, next one. Oh, no. Okay, Rob, this

00:33:37.529 --> 00:33:41.750
is for you. Rob sounds better with laryngitis.

00:33:41.829 --> 00:33:45.329
Much better. Mitch, the guy in Freeman who can

00:33:45.329 --> 00:33:54.789
still talk. Rob, get him. All yours. Get him.

00:33:58.230 --> 00:34:00.650
Actually, I think I'm going to lay off on that

00:34:00.650 --> 00:34:07.289
one. Okay. I want to so bad. I don't know if

00:34:07.289 --> 00:34:13.570
my voice can hold out that long. Love you, Mitch.

00:34:14.269 --> 00:34:16.909
Mitch, I imagine you don't have a penis in your

00:34:16.909 --> 00:34:18.730
mouth right now. That's how come you can talk.

00:34:19.590 --> 00:34:22.650
Oh, yeah, well. That was me. That was me saying

00:34:22.650 --> 00:34:25.110
it, not Rob. Yeah, mine definitely don't have

00:34:25.110 --> 00:34:29.510
a penis. I'm talking about Mitch here. Yeah,

00:34:29.530 --> 00:34:33.349
sure. So that was me, Mitch. That was Mark, not

00:34:33.349 --> 00:34:36.090
Rob. So don't take it out on Rob. That was me.

00:34:36.309 --> 00:34:42.530
You don't like me anyhow, so it's fine. All right.

00:34:43.210 --> 00:34:47.010
Okay, Rob, did you guys start on YouTube? I thought

00:34:47.010 --> 00:34:50.210
I saw your name, or has someone used your show

00:34:50.210 --> 00:34:53.690
name, Weaver in Baltimore? Okay, number one,

00:34:53.750 --> 00:34:57.789
he meant me. No, no, no, he meant me. I accidentally

00:34:57.789 --> 00:35:01.610
did that. I was experimenting on YouTube this

00:35:01.610 --> 00:35:04.369
new feature that they have that they will animate

00:35:04.369 --> 00:35:07.010
your podcast for you and do it in cartoon style,

00:35:07.230 --> 00:35:10.800
right? Well, I accidentally pushed the play button.

00:35:11.320 --> 00:35:14.039
I was just like figuring it all out. And all

00:35:14.039 --> 00:35:17.760
of a sudden it said, your video is live. So he

00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:20.000
had to got it in like five minutes. That's remarkable.

00:35:20.840 --> 00:35:27.739
Damn. Yeah, that's remarkable. So, sorry, that

00:35:27.739 --> 00:35:29.960
was me. I accidentally put it up there. I wasn't

00:35:29.960 --> 00:35:33.159
trying to. No, not yet. There's things we have

00:35:33.159 --> 00:35:35.500
to work out. And there's things we have to do.

00:35:35.699 --> 00:35:38.929
And there's some... There's some stuff in there

00:35:38.929 --> 00:35:43.010
that I read where they can, if I read it correctly,

00:35:43.269 --> 00:35:46.789
they can change your podcast at will. I don't

00:35:46.789 --> 00:35:50.670
like that. I mean, I'm not going to. Right, Rob?

00:35:51.650 --> 00:35:55.349
You on board with me? No. That's a flat no. But

00:35:55.349 --> 00:35:58.510
I also had someone tell me that they don't do

00:35:58.510 --> 00:36:01.889
that. That it's in there for other reasons, legal

00:36:01.889 --> 00:36:07.309
reasons, and it's not what you think. Yeah, we're

00:36:07.309 --> 00:36:10.449
going to get there. I've got to have someone

00:36:10.449 --> 00:36:14.889
look it over and get a better opinion, a professional

00:36:14.889 --> 00:36:19.510
opinion, not mine. So that is all of the emails

00:36:19.510 --> 00:36:22.530
that we had this time. So, Rob, you got something?

00:36:23.349 --> 00:36:29.530
Yeah, I do. All right. It's that time once again.

00:36:29.989 --> 00:36:36.679
Oh, yeah. For Rob's Bag of Garbage. Yay. Best

00:36:36.679 --> 00:36:43.619
segment ever in the world. Ever. Right? Best

00:36:43.619 --> 00:36:49.619
segment ever in the whole wide world. Best segment

00:36:49.619 --> 00:37:19.780
ever. Rob's Bag of Garbage. Alright. Wow. Wow.

00:37:39.670 --> 00:37:44.329
Wow. That's big. That is. And think about back

00:37:44.329 --> 00:37:48.250
then in the 60s and 70s. You were using the old

00:37:48.250 --> 00:37:50.690
-fashioned hand saws. You were not using electric

00:37:50.690 --> 00:37:54.469
saws yet. That's what they said. That's what

00:37:54.469 --> 00:37:57.110
they meant by the craftsmanship. Yeah, it was

00:37:57.110 --> 00:38:00.409
craftsmanship. I mean, it still is, but back

00:38:00.409 --> 00:38:02.670
then it was a lot more because everything was

00:38:02.670 --> 00:39:13.260
literally done by hand. Okay. Very cool. Anybody

00:39:13.260 --> 00:39:20.239
who knows Harrison Ford became part of the Star

00:39:20.239 --> 00:39:24.139
Wars. And then Indiana Jones. Geez, he was in

00:39:24.139 --> 00:39:48.820
so much stuff. Yeah. Wow. Okay. BBC News wants

00:39:48.820 --> 00:39:52.860
to piss thousands of viewers spaghetti crew on

00:39:52.860 --> 00:40:22.460
trees. Okay. That's a good one. I love that.

00:40:22.559 --> 00:40:28.199
That is a great April Fool's prank. Yes. Awesome.

00:40:28.500 --> 00:40:32.980
When did this happen again, did it say? 1957.

00:40:34.119 --> 00:40:39.699
Wow. Geez. All right. Is that all the story,

00:40:39.840 --> 00:40:43.559
Rob? Yeah, that's it. Okay. And I forgot one

00:40:43.559 --> 00:40:46.420
email. Well, actually, I didn't forget it. I

00:40:46.420 --> 00:40:48.159
was going to do it right before our break here.

00:40:49.480 --> 00:40:52.320
Someone wanted to know about airport divorce.

00:40:53.739 --> 00:40:56.420
Well, we could talk about it ourselves, but that's

00:40:56.420 --> 00:41:02.019
what we pay the new guy for, right? Okay, well,

00:41:02.099 --> 00:41:03.699
we're just going to have the new guy, although

00:41:03.699 --> 00:41:06.000
he's surly and he hates us, we're going to have

00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:08.659
him explain to you what airport divorce exactly

00:41:08.659 --> 00:41:13.099
is. How does that sound, right? Good? Sounds

00:41:13.099 --> 00:41:16.199
good. Alrighty, we'll be right back after his

00:41:16.199 --> 00:41:20.880
explanation in our second break. Hello. This

00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:25.420
is the new guy. Airport divorce is a trend where

00:41:25.420 --> 00:41:27.519
couples intentionally separate after going through

00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:30.639
airport security to do their own activities and

00:41:30.639 --> 00:41:33.780
then reunite at the gate or at the plane. Coined

00:41:33.780 --> 00:41:36.199
by journalist Hugh Oliver, it's a way to avoid

00:41:36.199 --> 00:41:38.559
conflict by letting each person enjoy their own

00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:41.239
pre -flight routine without compromising, which

00:41:41.239 --> 00:41:43.460
could be especially useful for partners with

00:41:43.460 --> 00:41:46.420
different travel styles or anxieties about flying.

00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:49.460
It's not a real breakup, but a strategy for a

00:41:49.460 --> 00:41:51.960
more peaceful and less stressful start to a vacation.

00:41:52.619 --> 00:41:56.300
Bye. Oh, my. Would you look at the rightly scattering?

00:41:57.159 --> 00:42:01.460
It sure is brilliant tonight. First off, you're

00:42:01.460 --> 00:42:05.059
on private property. Second, you're in my flower

00:42:05.059 --> 00:42:08.300
garden. Third, if you're talking about the sunset,

00:42:08.519 --> 00:42:12.320
yes, it is stunning. And finally, would you get

00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:14.800
the hell off my property, you annoying fucking

00:42:14.800 --> 00:42:21.079
bastard? The apocalypse just happened. You don't

00:42:21.079 --> 00:42:23.360
know what to do. You don't know where to go.

00:42:23.719 --> 00:42:28.619
But we can tell you what you can eat. Garlic

00:42:28.619 --> 00:42:31.840
mustard could and should be a go -to food during

00:42:31.840 --> 00:42:35.239
an apocalypse. Garlic mustard is plentiful everywhere.

00:42:35.440 --> 00:42:39.039
It is actually an invasive weed, but it can be

00:42:39.039 --> 00:42:43.539
very delicious and easily taken from about any

00:42:43.539 --> 00:42:47.380
pasture. Garlic mustard can be stewed. or even

00:42:47.380 --> 00:42:51.219
pan fried for delicious taste. It can also be

00:42:51.219 --> 00:42:53.780
added to other ingredients, whether it's a salad

00:42:53.780 --> 00:42:57.460
or any other type of food to enhance it. Garlic

00:42:57.460 --> 00:42:59.960
mustard should be a go -to staple during the

00:42:59.960 --> 00:43:03.420
apocalypse. People often ask, how do we cram

00:43:03.420 --> 00:43:06.340
so much funny into one little show? Well, it's

00:43:06.340 --> 00:43:09.380
simple. We buy funny in bulk on the internet.

00:43:10.059 --> 00:43:12.820
Hey Mark, you're wanted at the front door. There's

00:43:12.820 --> 00:43:14.940
a big bag of funny they need you to sign for.

00:43:16.009 --> 00:43:18.210
Okay, thanks a lot. I'll be right there. I'm

00:43:18.210 --> 00:43:20.170
still sorting out the funny we got from yesterday.

00:43:20.829 --> 00:43:23.349
There's your answer. We buy funny in bulk on

00:43:23.349 --> 00:43:26.690
the internet. Hello, this is Phineas J. Altaris

00:43:26.690 --> 00:43:30.230
III. I'm here to deliver your music news this

00:43:30.230 --> 00:43:37.789
evening. Tesla bassist and founding member Brian

00:43:37.789 --> 00:43:40.289
Wheat has teamed up with original Tesla guitarist

00:43:40.289 --> 00:43:43.570
Tommy Scoach in a new band called Terminal. Joining

00:43:43.570 --> 00:43:46.309
the duo in the new group are former Wasp guitarist

00:43:46.309 --> 00:43:48.690
Chris Holmes and original Saliva singer Josie

00:43:48.690 --> 00:43:51.610
Scott. They plan on putting an album out later

00:43:51.610 --> 00:43:55.309
on this year or early next year. This is Phineas

00:43:55.309 --> 00:44:00.130
J. Baltaris III. That has been your music news

00:44:00.130 --> 00:44:02.969
for this evening. I have one burning question

00:44:02.969 --> 00:44:06.289
for you all. Do people really skip around the

00:44:06.289 --> 00:44:16.699
Maypole? And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Hmm,

00:44:16.880 --> 00:44:20.079
let's see. If I identify as a dog, and I start

00:44:20.079 --> 00:44:21.960
wandering around the block without a collar on,

00:44:22.139 --> 00:44:24.420
could animal control come by and pick me up?

00:44:25.260 --> 00:44:33.960
Hmm, I may never know. The regular Joe Cube public

00:44:33.960 --> 00:44:36.840
may believe anything he hears and sees, but not

00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:39.559
here at Two Deucebags Microphone. Here at Two

00:44:39.559 --> 00:44:41.659
Deucebags Microphone, we question everything.

00:44:42.190 --> 00:44:43.829
That's why we have a little segment we'd like

00:44:43.829 --> 00:44:47.369
to call, I Call Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

00:44:47.489 --> 00:44:53.210
Bullshit. I call bullshit on the American government

00:44:53.210 --> 00:44:56.349
and the government shutdown. Since 1981, there

00:44:56.349 --> 00:44:59.289
have been four major government shutdowns. There's

00:44:59.289 --> 00:45:01.110
been plenty more, but we don't have ten hours

00:45:01.110 --> 00:45:05.070
to go over all of them. Here are some of the

00:45:05.070 --> 00:45:11.260
largest ones. More current. 1996. Five days of

00:45:11.260 --> 00:45:16.320
shutdown. Again, later in 1996, we had 21 days

00:45:16.320 --> 00:45:20.420
of government shutdown. 2014, there was 16 days

00:45:20.420 --> 00:45:24.840
of shutdown. 2019 was the largest up to date

00:45:24.840 --> 00:45:28.960
until the present one with 34 days. And this

00:45:28.960 --> 00:45:35.659
one is 10 -1, 25 till who knows when. In 35 days

00:45:35.659 --> 00:45:39.019
of shutdown in 2019, the estimated GDP loss.

00:45:39.639 --> 00:45:42.940
was $3 billion, and the permanent GDP loss was

00:45:42.940 --> 00:45:46.599
$11 billion. Caused primarily by federal workers'

00:45:46.780 --> 00:45:48.679
reduced spending and delayed federal spending

00:45:48.679 --> 00:45:51.559
on goods and services, damages was partially

00:45:51.559 --> 00:45:54.300
permanent due to lost economic activity that

00:45:54.300 --> 00:45:56.960
could not be recovered. The only real reason

00:45:56.960 --> 00:45:58.960
for the shutdowns are a deliberate attempt to

00:45:58.960 --> 00:46:00.840
hurt the economy and try to smear the current

00:46:00.840 --> 00:46:04.159
administration. In numerous cases, it has adversely

00:46:04.159 --> 00:46:06.079
affected the economy, even hurting the gross

00:46:06.079 --> 00:46:09.409
domestic product gauge. This is a huge factor

00:46:09.409 --> 00:46:11.329
in the economical well -being of this country.

00:46:11.429 --> 00:46:13.789
The law needs to change as to where the leaders

00:46:13.789 --> 00:46:15.849
in this nation should have to forfeit their wages

00:46:15.849 --> 00:46:18.530
to fund all the hard -working personnel with

00:46:18.530 --> 00:46:21.389
government employment. The current shutdown's

00:46:21.389 --> 00:46:23.969
economical impacts are not known quite yet, but

00:46:23.969 --> 00:46:26.389
we can look back at the previous longest shutdowns

00:46:26.389 --> 00:46:28.989
as a comparison. This bag of bullshit deserves

00:46:28.989 --> 00:46:31.849
a protest of epic proportions. The people that

00:46:31.849 --> 00:46:34.309
benefit from our hard work should be on notice.

00:46:34.840 --> 00:46:36.800
This kind of behavior needs an example of why

00:46:36.800 --> 00:46:39.639
you don't do this. I challenge all of America

00:46:39.639 --> 00:46:42.019
to have a nice, calm protest every day to this

00:46:42.019 --> 00:46:44.400
bullshit game. All government buildings should

00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:47.139
be reminded of this when met with large, angry,

00:46:47.199 --> 00:46:49.599
but peaceful crowds that are sick of the theft,

00:46:49.739 --> 00:46:52.579
lies, pilfering, and gerrymandering. Action speaks

00:46:52.579 --> 00:46:56.920
louder than words. Words get ignored. Have I

00:46:56.920 --> 00:47:00.519
ever told you about my prank phone call deal

00:47:00.519 --> 00:47:04.400
that I used to do? No. Phone booth? Well, this

00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:06.480
was the old quick trip in Belvedere, the one

00:47:06.480 --> 00:47:10.039
right off the highway, right off of 71 or 49

00:47:10.039 --> 00:47:12.920
or whatever, and 155th Street down there in that

00:47:12.920 --> 00:47:15.400
little pit there right off the exit ramp. There

00:47:15.400 --> 00:47:18.039
used to be a quick trip. And one day I'm like

00:47:18.039 --> 00:47:19.940
in there getting a soda or some shit, right?

00:47:20.039 --> 00:47:23.219
And I noticed the phone rang. Is this probably

00:47:23.219 --> 00:47:26.199
a drug deal or something? Yeah. And some guy

00:47:26.199 --> 00:47:27.980
jumps out of his car and starts answering. I'm

00:47:27.980 --> 00:47:30.139
like, huh, I didn't know those things had numbers.

00:47:31.029 --> 00:47:33.369
Not only did I not know they have numbers, I

00:47:33.369 --> 00:47:35.369
didn't realize that people fucking answer them.

00:47:35.550 --> 00:47:38.590
Yeah, the idea of calling into a payphone didn't

00:47:38.590 --> 00:47:41.030
occur to me until I saw someone do it on a TV

00:47:41.030 --> 00:47:43.690
show. I was like, what? You can do that? Yeah,

00:47:43.889 --> 00:47:46.110
I thought it was just one way you got on there

00:47:46.110 --> 00:47:49.150
and said, hey, I'm down here at the Quick Trip,

00:47:49.170 --> 00:47:51.030
man. Whenever you want to come down, you know,

00:47:51.070 --> 00:47:56.090
I got the pet cage and the rubbers. You know,

00:47:56.090 --> 00:48:00.539
whatever. So, anyhow, so I walk over there and

00:48:00.539 --> 00:48:02.760
I get a pen from the guy on the quick trip and

00:48:02.760 --> 00:48:05.579
wrote down the numbers. There's like three of

00:48:05.579 --> 00:48:07.860
them. And they're like, you know, in a little

00:48:07.860 --> 00:48:11.280
semi -circle. And back in the days, I mean, like

00:48:11.280 --> 00:48:13.760
you mentioned the other day, how nasty that was.

00:48:13.960 --> 00:48:16.039
Yeah. Some guy would get up there and start spitting

00:48:16.039 --> 00:48:18.000
all over the phone, talking. And then you'd go

00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:21.119
pick it up right after. Yep. Jam it right up

00:48:21.119 --> 00:48:23.000
to the hole in your face that you eat through.

00:48:24.099 --> 00:48:29.179
Now when I think about it, I cringe. So, anyhow,

00:48:29.360 --> 00:48:32.059
it is probably a dirt bag from Belvedere, anyhow,

00:48:32.300 --> 00:48:35.880
with no key. You know, fuck. So, anyhow, I get

00:48:35.880 --> 00:48:38.780
these numbers down. And, anyhow, one day I'm

00:48:38.780 --> 00:48:40.500
over at my friend Davey's and we're bored. And

00:48:40.500 --> 00:48:42.659
I go, hey, man, I got something we can do. What's

00:48:42.659 --> 00:48:45.079
that? See these three numbers? Yeah. They're

00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:46.920
the number two, the pay phones, and Belvedere

00:48:46.920 --> 00:48:49.880
Quick Trip. Oh, really? Let's just call it and

00:48:49.880 --> 00:48:54.510
fuck with people. Yeah, sure. Okay. So, you know,

00:48:54.550 --> 00:48:57.110
we call up, and the first time, it took a long

00:48:57.110 --> 00:48:58.969
time. I don't think anyone was there. Someone

00:48:58.969 --> 00:49:00.969
answered, hello. Hey, you know, this is Payphone.

00:49:01.110 --> 00:49:03.389
I go, hey, you know, you're a dickhead. You know,

00:49:03.429 --> 00:49:06.349
just start screwing with them. Yeah, you're a

00:49:06.349 --> 00:49:08.489
piece of shit, man. Hey, you know who I got right

00:49:08.489 --> 00:49:11.469
next to me? Who? Your mom. You know, people get

00:49:11.469 --> 00:49:13.750
pissed off. Fuck you, bitch, and all this stuff.

00:49:14.369 --> 00:49:16.929
So anyhow, we, you know, we, we call them up

00:49:16.929 --> 00:49:19.409
and harass and people get so fucking mad. You

00:49:19.409 --> 00:49:20.849
know, we get them so mad. They threatened to

00:49:20.849 --> 00:49:22.369
kill us. They're going to come over and we're

00:49:22.369 --> 00:49:23.510
like, well, you're going to kill me when you

00:49:23.510 --> 00:49:25.650
don't know where I'm at, bitch. You know, it

00:49:25.650 --> 00:49:30.750
was before this is in. maybe early 90s at the

00:49:30.750 --> 00:49:32.909
most, late 80s, whatever, somewhere in that time

00:49:32.909 --> 00:49:35.730
frame. And, I mean, it was just, I mean, we had

00:49:35.730 --> 00:49:37.530
nothing else to do, so we'd call up and just

00:49:37.530 --> 00:49:40.289
get people so mad. Davey used to do this farmer

00:49:40.289 --> 00:49:42.909
impression. He used to tell a guy that his fucking

00:49:42.909 --> 00:49:45.230
goats were in his yard, and he was mad. Or, your

00:49:45.230 --> 00:49:47.329
fucking cattle trampled my fucking sheep, you

00:49:47.329 --> 00:49:51.079
bitch. I don't have, I don't have no farm. Yeah,

00:49:51.099 --> 00:49:52.980
you do, you son of a bitch. I know this is you,

00:49:53.059 --> 00:49:56.099
Mr. Johnson. You get your ass over here and you

00:49:56.099 --> 00:49:58.599
get my dead fucking sheep and you better fucking

00:49:58.599 --> 00:50:00.260
bury it. If you don't, I'm going to come over

00:50:00.260 --> 00:50:01.900
there and I'm going to slap the stupid out of

00:50:01.900 --> 00:50:03.179
you and that's going to take all day because

00:50:03.179 --> 00:50:05.280
you're pretty fucking stupid. And he would just

00:50:05.280 --> 00:50:07.800
keep railing on them and the people get so mad

00:50:07.800 --> 00:50:11.400
and argue about, I don't have a farm. I ain't

00:50:11.400 --> 00:50:14.380
got no farm, you dumb son of a bitch. And he

00:50:14.380 --> 00:50:16.420
would just keep going, ain't got no farm, you

00:50:16.420 --> 00:50:21.400
dumb son of a bitch. And these people get so

00:50:21.400 --> 00:50:24.820
mad. So anyhow, one day I'm over there. I'm like,

00:50:24.880 --> 00:50:26.719
hmm, you know, it's starting to get boring. People

00:50:26.719 --> 00:50:29.360
get mad. Then they hang up. Then a lot of people

00:50:29.360 --> 00:50:31.440
just go, ah, fuck you, you know, and hang up.

00:50:31.480 --> 00:50:34.320
The smarter ones do. And although I question

00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:36.679
them answering a pay phone. And everyone goes,

00:50:36.739 --> 00:50:39.860
you know this is a pay phone, don't you? You

00:50:39.860 --> 00:50:41.800
know, it's like, okay. I heard that one before.

00:50:42.119 --> 00:50:45.300
All right, hang on. Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm

00:50:45.300 --> 00:50:48.440
sorry. You know, what do you do? I noticed there's

00:50:48.440 --> 00:50:51.260
a White House right behind there. So anyhow,

00:50:51.380 --> 00:50:53.539
I'm like, hmm, okay, all right. Everyone always

00:50:53.539 --> 00:50:55.980
wants to know where I live at. I guess I'm going

00:50:55.980 --> 00:50:57.320
to live in that White House right behind the

00:50:57.320 --> 00:51:01.420
pay phone. So anyhow, you know, most people are

00:51:01.420 --> 00:51:02.940
just kind of like they hang up and they don't

00:51:02.940 --> 00:51:04.539
want to go to that White House. This one guy

00:51:04.539 --> 00:51:06.980
that I was fucking with just constantly going,

00:51:07.059 --> 00:51:09.599
hey, you piece of shit, man. Yeah, you just don't

00:51:09.599 --> 00:51:11.280
sound right without a dick in your mouth. You

00:51:11.280 --> 00:51:13.989
sound completely different. Hey, you ball gargler.

00:51:14.690 --> 00:51:17.550
And all this stuff, man. You smell like chode.

00:51:17.670 --> 00:51:20.190
And this guy's just getting fucking madder than

00:51:20.190 --> 00:51:22.070
ever. I'm going to beat the shit out of you.

00:51:22.090 --> 00:51:23.349
Where you at? And I go, you want to know where

00:51:23.349 --> 00:51:26.130
I'm at, bitch? Yeah. Now, over there. Look to

00:51:26.130 --> 00:51:28.090
your left. Oh, no, no. Not that left. The other

00:51:28.090 --> 00:51:33.409
left, moron. See that left? Over there? See that

00:51:33.409 --> 00:51:36.250
White House? I'm right here, motherfucker. I'm

00:51:36.250 --> 00:51:37.590
looking out the window. I'm waiting for your

00:51:37.590 --> 00:51:40.150
fucking fat ass to come beat me up. I'm going

00:51:40.150 --> 00:51:42.610
to smack the stupid out of you, and I'm going

00:51:42.610 --> 00:51:44.269
to do it in front of everybody. I'm going to

00:51:44.269 --> 00:51:46.309
call people over to watch me smack the fuck out

00:51:46.309 --> 00:51:48.789
of you. And this guy's getting mad. Oh, you son

00:51:48.789 --> 00:51:51.829
of a bitch. I'm going to fucking kill you. And

00:51:51.829 --> 00:51:54.349
I'm pretty sure the guy went over there. He was

00:51:54.349 --> 00:51:56.869
so mad. So he was so mad that he didn't even

00:51:56.869 --> 00:51:58.610
completely hang up. I heard it go click, and

00:51:58.610 --> 00:52:01.110
then it fell on the ground. So he didn't look

00:52:01.110 --> 00:52:03.429
back or nothing. And anyhow, I hear a car peeling

00:52:03.429 --> 00:52:05.769
out. So I don't know about that guy in that White

00:52:05.769 --> 00:52:07.489
House, but I'm pretty sure he got into a pretty

00:52:07.489 --> 00:52:14.440
good fight. She looked at the police blotter

00:52:14.440 --> 00:52:16.699
the next day. Man in White House beaten to death

00:52:16.699 --> 00:52:19.780
by outraged ill -billy. There wasn't an internet,

00:52:19.940 --> 00:52:21.400
so it was like one of those deals where I had

00:52:21.400 --> 00:52:24.579
to wait for one of those little regional magazines,

00:52:24.880 --> 00:52:28.420
like the Southside or whatever, the Grandview

00:52:28.420 --> 00:52:30.719
Circle or whatever, the Grandview Dick Smack

00:52:30.719 --> 00:52:34.199
or whatever. One of those stupid little fucking

00:52:34.199 --> 00:52:37.599
mags to come out. Southside idiot, whatever.

00:52:38.939 --> 00:52:41.199
So, hey, I never did find out, you know, and

00:52:41.199 --> 00:52:42.980
I didn't want to know. I was afraid someone might

00:52:42.980 --> 00:52:44.760
have got killed in that whole scuff up, you know,

00:52:44.760 --> 00:52:47.199
but, yeah. Could be. It was at the hands of entertainment,

00:52:47.420 --> 00:52:50.599
so I justified it. Yeah, yeah. Were you briefly

00:52:50.599 --> 00:52:53.360
entertained? Oh, I was entertained for a while.

00:52:53.400 --> 00:52:55.179
I mean, especially the guys that just continue

00:52:55.179 --> 00:52:59.340
to. get mad and just continue to try to insult

00:52:59.340 --> 00:53:02.239
you and one up you without a brain yeah and you

00:53:02.239 --> 00:53:05.380
continue like Davey just roll over so many insults

00:53:05.380 --> 00:53:07.739
on him and they just keep getting madder and

00:53:07.739 --> 00:53:12.150
madder and go oh yeah fuck you Oh, my God, you

00:53:12.150 --> 00:53:16.170
got me. Oh, you went through the F -bomb. Oh,

00:53:16.289 --> 00:53:19.190
someone get me some iced tea. Oh, my God. Oh,

00:53:19.389 --> 00:53:24.750
the pain, you know. Anyhow, so the finality was

00:53:24.750 --> 00:53:27.349
ice calling down there. And this is later. I

00:53:27.349 --> 00:53:29.929
got bored with it, and I went back to it. And

00:53:29.929 --> 00:53:33.690
this chick answers. And I started saying something,

00:53:33.789 --> 00:53:35.989
you know, just started blathering some sort of

00:53:35.989 --> 00:53:38.489
shit to try to piss her off. She goes, Mark Wallace.

00:53:45.259 --> 00:53:49.980
Oops. Who is this? This is Danielle. Oh, fuck.

00:53:50.420 --> 00:53:53.619
What are you doing calling a pay phone? Long

00:53:53.619 --> 00:53:57.219
story. Hey, she busted me. That was the last

00:53:57.219 --> 00:53:59.579
time I called. I'm like, fuck, man. That's it,

00:53:59.659 --> 00:54:05.159
man. No fun anymore. It's done. Yep. Cancel Christmas.

00:54:05.719 --> 00:54:22.199
Yeah. Pharmacy's closed. Two douchebags and microphone.

00:54:22.380 --> 00:54:24.380
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the

00:54:24.380 --> 00:54:42.920
Talk is Cheap studio. All right. The 4 now is

00:54:42.920 --> 00:54:46.260
coming really quick. I know it is. The end of

00:54:46.260 --> 00:54:50.659
this month, right? Yeah. I'm hoping to be over

00:54:50.659 --> 00:54:54.579
there before that. Oh, okay. Cool. I'm hoping

00:54:54.579 --> 00:54:59.380
to be there not this coming weekend, but the

00:54:59.380 --> 00:55:04.579
following weekend. We'll see. We'll see. All

00:55:04.579 --> 00:55:06.599
right. Well, we'll see if it works out. I hope

00:55:06.599 --> 00:55:10.150
so. You want to be there. All right, first one.

00:55:10.210 --> 00:55:12.650
Mark, you struck a nerve yesterday with a talk,

00:55:12.710 --> 00:55:14.570
and this came the other day. We were talking

00:55:14.570 --> 00:55:17.250
about the podcast Sunday night. Mark, you struck

00:55:17.250 --> 00:55:19.670
a nerve yesterday with your talk about a friend

00:55:19.670 --> 00:55:23.030
throwing out criticism unsolicited. I have a

00:55:23.030 --> 00:55:25.489
couple people in my life like that. I don't understand

00:55:25.489 --> 00:55:29.369
if it's envy trying to one -up or whatever. I

00:55:29.369 --> 00:55:32.170
just know it's not meant to help you. You said

00:55:32.170 --> 00:55:34.250
you hardly ever talk to the guy anymore. Are

00:55:34.250 --> 00:55:37.010
you sure he's a friend? Middy in Pittsburgh.

00:55:51.020 --> 00:55:55.219
Which I can vouch, back in the day, we were all

00:55:55.219 --> 00:56:02.980
the best of friends. But it's been 40 years.

00:56:03.239 --> 00:56:08.320
Yeah. I don't know really that much about him

00:56:08.320 --> 00:56:11.400
anymore. All I know is what he said on that,

00:56:11.539 --> 00:56:15.599
you know, the text that he put on Facebook. I

00:56:15.599 --> 00:56:19.099
didn't really particularly care for him. Yeah,

00:56:19.760 --> 00:56:22.739
I mean, honestly, you know, I hear he's retired

00:56:22.739 --> 00:56:25.739
now. Maybe he needs a hobby. And I'm not saying

00:56:25.739 --> 00:56:28.179
that smartass. I'm saying that, like, if you're

00:56:28.179 --> 00:56:30.619
worried about a podcast, you need something to

00:56:30.619 --> 00:56:34.460
do. Honestly. And I'm not dogging him. I love

00:56:34.460 --> 00:56:39.059
the guy. But honestly, yeah, if you're going

00:56:39.059 --> 00:56:42.300
to criticize and be all up in arms about a podcast

00:56:42.300 --> 00:56:44.199
like that, if it gets under your skin that bad,

00:56:44.380 --> 00:56:47.500
you're doing something wrong. You need to get

00:56:47.500 --> 00:56:49.820
busy. You need to find something to do. And I

00:56:49.820 --> 00:56:51.719
don't care if it's volunteer work or something.

00:56:51.860 --> 00:56:55.639
Go build houses for the veterans or something.

00:56:55.719 --> 00:56:59.199
But man, don't sit there and coil over a fucking

00:56:59.199 --> 00:57:02.480
podcast and tell someone to get better. That's

00:57:02.480 --> 00:57:08.500
ridiculous. You know, I could... Yeah, I'm sure

00:57:08.500 --> 00:57:11.780
I could fine -comb your fucking life and come

00:57:11.780 --> 00:57:13.940
up with stuff, too. But you know what? I'm done

00:57:13.940 --> 00:57:18.400
with it, so all right. Yep, over. Yep. Rob, you

00:57:18.400 --> 00:57:21.920
need a loincloth with Mitch's face on it. I think

00:57:21.920 --> 00:57:27.559
that would be fun. Roth in Texas. Rob, it's all

00:57:27.559 --> 00:57:31.739
yours. I would get one if Mitch would reveal

00:57:31.739 --> 00:57:43.659
his face. Oh, I... I don't know. This is like

00:57:43.659 --> 00:57:45.840
the only thing he has over us now. I don't think

00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:48.480
he's revealing himself. He has not even started

00:57:48.480 --> 00:57:56.019
to. You know? Yeah, I mean, and I thought and

00:57:56.019 --> 00:58:00.820
thought and thought about who it could be. Mitch,

00:58:02.219 --> 00:58:05.139
come forward. Rob wants your face on his loincloth.

00:58:06.180 --> 00:58:11.260
Well, all right. Hey, Mark. The solo cast was

00:58:11.260 --> 00:58:13.760
great. I really enjoyed Mr. Creepy and the other

00:58:13.760 --> 00:58:16.559
older segments. I hope you continue to repurpose

00:58:16.559 --> 00:58:19.460
those shows. I would also like a Topher update,

00:58:19.639 --> 00:58:22.780
please. Is he doing well? Ronnie in Tulsa. The

00:58:22.780 --> 00:58:29.039
Tulsa King. Yes. I need to get a hold of Topher.

00:58:29.480 --> 00:58:31.760
I mean, he's doing reasonably well, but, you

00:58:31.760 --> 00:58:34.780
know, I mean, he's had some stuff happen, and,

00:58:34.820 --> 00:58:39.079
you know, I really feel for him because it sucks.

00:58:39.940 --> 00:58:43.659
And, I mean, last I knew, he was doing okay,

00:58:43.699 --> 00:58:45.980
and I imagine he still is. But I need to touch

00:58:45.980 --> 00:58:47.980
base and see how he's doing. I also need to take

00:58:47.980 --> 00:58:50.340
him his free coffee next time I get a chance

00:58:50.340 --> 00:58:54.960
to go down to the city market. So, next one.

00:58:55.440 --> 00:59:01.010
Oh, no. Okay, Rob, this is for you. Rob sounds

00:59:01.010 --> 00:59:04.230
better with laryngitis. Much better. Mitch, the

00:59:04.230 --> 00:59:14.070
guy in Freeman who can still talk. Rob, get him.

00:59:14.150 --> 00:59:20.210
All yours. Get him. Actually, I think I'm going

00:59:20.210 --> 00:59:26.110
to lay off on that one. Okay. I want to so bad.

00:59:27.050 --> 00:59:29.730
I don't know if my voice can hold out that long.

00:59:33.239 --> 00:59:36.800
Love you, Mitch. Mitch, I imagine you don't have

00:59:36.800 --> 00:59:38.840
a penis in your mouth right now. That's how come

00:59:38.840 --> 00:59:43.300
you can talk. That was me. That was me saying

00:59:43.300 --> 00:59:45.780
it, not Rob. Yeah, mine definitely don't have

00:59:45.780 --> 00:59:50.380
a penis. I'm talking about Mitch here. So that

00:59:50.380 --> 00:59:55.000
was me, Mitch. That was Mark, not Rob. So don't

00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:57.780
take it out on Rob. That was me. You don't like

00:59:57.780 --> 01:00:04.349
me anyhow, so it's fine. So, all right. Okay,

01:00:04.510 --> 01:00:07.650
Rob, did you guys start on YouTube? I thought

01:00:07.650 --> 01:00:10.849
I saw your name, or has someone used your show

01:00:10.849 --> 01:00:14.369
name, Weaver in Baltimore? Okay, number one,

01:00:14.389 --> 01:00:18.409
he meant me. No, no, no, he meant me. I accidentally

01:00:18.409 --> 01:00:22.230
did that. I was experimenting on YouTube this

01:00:22.230 --> 01:00:25.010
new feature that they have that they will animate

01:00:25.010 --> 01:00:27.650
your podcast for you and do it in cartoon style,

01:00:27.869 --> 01:00:31.440
right? Well, I accidentally pushed the play button.

01:00:31.980 --> 01:00:34.679
I was just like figuring it all out. And all

01:00:34.679 --> 01:00:38.400
of a sudden it said, your video is live. So he

01:00:38.400 --> 01:00:40.639
had to got it in like five minutes. That's remarkable.

01:00:41.480 --> 01:00:48.380
Damn. Yeah, that's remarkable. So, sorry, that

01:00:48.380 --> 01:00:50.599
was me. I accidentally put it up there. I wasn't

01:00:50.599 --> 01:00:53.800
trying to. No, not yet. There's things we have

01:00:53.800 --> 01:00:56.159
to work out. And there's things we have to do.

01:00:56.360 --> 01:00:59.579
And there's some... There's some stuff in there

01:00:59.579 --> 01:01:03.659
that I read where they can, if I read it correctly,

01:01:03.920 --> 01:01:07.420
they can change your podcast at will. I don't

01:01:07.420 --> 01:01:11.260
like that. I mean, I'm not going to. Right, Rob?

01:01:12.300 --> 01:01:16.000
You on board with me? No. That's a flat no. But

01:01:16.000 --> 01:01:19.159
I also had someone tell me that they don't do

01:01:19.159 --> 01:01:22.539
that. That it's in there for other reasons, legal

01:01:22.539 --> 01:01:27.920
reasons, and it's not what you think. Yeah, we're

01:01:27.920 --> 01:01:31.079
going to get there. I've got to have someone

01:01:31.079 --> 01:01:35.480
look it over and get a better opinion, a professional

01:01:35.480 --> 01:01:40.159
opinion, not mine. That is all of the emails

01:01:40.159 --> 01:01:43.159
that we had this time. So, Rob, you got something?

01:01:44.000 --> 01:01:50.179
Yeah, I do. All right. It's that time once again.

01:01:50.639 --> 01:01:57.320
Oh, yeah. For Rob's Bag of Garbage. Yay. Best

01:01:57.320 --> 01:02:04.280
segment ever in the world. Ever. Right? Best

01:02:04.280 --> 01:02:10.260
segment ever in the whole wide world. Best segment

01:02:10.260 --> 01:02:33.349
ever. Rob's bag of garbage. Alright. Wow. Wow.

01:03:01.140 --> 01:03:04.960
Wow. That's big. That is. And think about back

01:03:04.960 --> 01:03:08.880
then in the 60s and 70s. You were using the old

01:03:08.880 --> 01:03:11.320
-fashioned hand saws. You were not using electric

01:03:11.320 --> 01:03:15.119
saws yet. That's what they said. That's what

01:03:15.119 --> 01:03:17.760
they meant by the craftsmanship. Yeah, it was

01:03:17.760 --> 01:03:21.059
craftsmanship. I mean, it still is, but back

01:03:21.059 --> 01:03:23.320
then it was a lot more because everything was

01:03:23.320 --> 01:04:33.900
literally done by hand. Okay. Very cool. Anybody

01:04:33.900 --> 01:04:40.860
who knows Harrison Ford became part of the Star

01:04:40.860 --> 01:04:44.780
Wars. And then Indiana Jones. Geez, he was in

01:04:44.780 --> 01:05:09.460
so much stuff. Yeah. Wow. Okay. BBC News wants

01:05:09.460 --> 01:05:13.500
to piss thousands of viewers spaghetti crew on

01:05:13.500 --> 01:05:43.099
trees. Okay. That's a good one. I love that.

01:05:43.199 --> 01:05:48.840
That is a great April Fool's prank. Yes. Awesome.

01:05:49.139 --> 01:05:53.619
When did this happen again, did it say? 1957.

01:05:54.780 --> 01:06:00.340
Wow. Geez. All right. Is that all the story,

01:06:00.480 --> 01:06:04.199
Rob? Yeah, that's it. Okay. And I forgot one

01:06:04.199 --> 01:06:07.059
email. Well, actually, I didn't forget it. I

01:06:07.059 --> 01:06:08.800
was going to do it right before our break here.

01:06:10.099 --> 01:06:12.960
Someone wanted to know about airport divorce.

01:06:14.340 --> 01:06:17.039
Well, we could talk about it ourselves, but that's

01:06:17.039 --> 01:06:21.639
what we pay the new guy for, right? Oh, yeah.

01:06:22.000 --> 01:06:23.820
Okay, well, we're just going to have the new

01:06:23.820 --> 01:06:26.340
guy, although he's surly and he hates us, we're

01:06:26.340 --> 01:06:28.019
going to have him explain to you what airport

01:06:28.019 --> 01:06:31.760
divorce exactly is. How's that sound, right?

01:06:31.920 --> 01:06:35.880
Good? Sounds good. All righty. We'll be right

01:06:35.880 --> 01:06:38.639
back after his explanation in our second break.

01:06:40.410 --> 01:06:45.429
Hello. This is the new guy. Airport divorce is

01:06:45.429 --> 01:06:47.369
a trend where couples intentionally separate

01:06:47.369 --> 01:06:50.030
after going through airport security to do their

01:06:50.030 --> 01:06:53.070
own activities and then reunite at the gate or

01:06:53.070 --> 01:06:55.510
at the plane. Coined by journalist Hugh Oliver,

01:06:55.730 --> 01:06:58.110
it's a way to avoid conflict by letting each

01:06:58.110 --> 01:07:00.510
person enjoy their own pre -flight routine without

01:07:00.510 --> 01:07:03.050
compromising, which could be especially useful

01:07:03.050 --> 01:07:05.570
for partners with different travel styles or

01:07:05.570 --> 01:07:08.880
anxieties about flying. It's not a real breakup,

01:07:08.980 --> 01:07:11.480
but a strategy for a more peaceful and less stressful

01:07:11.480 --> 01:07:16.119
start to a vacation. You watched the news. It

01:07:16.119 --> 01:07:20.420
looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest

01:07:20.420 --> 01:07:23.579
you download all our podcasts beforehand and

01:07:23.579 --> 01:07:27.480
have multiple mobile chargers. We have the post

01:07:27.480 --> 01:07:32.800
-apocalypse. Post -apocalypse protein might be

01:07:32.800 --> 01:07:35.630
hard to come by. The animals could be contaminated

01:07:35.630 --> 01:07:38.989
or scarce, if any at all. This is where protein

01:07:38.989 --> 01:07:41.989
powder is essential in a post -apocalypse survival.

01:07:42.409 --> 01:07:44.929
The powder is easy to keep and does not require

01:07:44.929 --> 01:07:48.429
refrigeration. Two douchebags and microphone

01:07:48.429 --> 01:07:51.929
in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

01:07:51.929 --> 01:08:00.050
you first world problems. My 76 -inch smart HDMI

01:08:00.050 --> 01:08:05.969
tripod. Stereo TV. My remote won't work unless

01:08:05.969 --> 01:08:09.849
I'm right in front of it. I can't believe it.

01:08:09.929 --> 01:08:13.570
This is bullshit. Sir, I see your qualifications

01:08:13.570 --> 01:08:16.409
here. May I ask some further questions that could

01:08:16.409 --> 01:08:18.210
help me determine your employment eligibility?

01:08:19.029 --> 01:08:22.229
Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,

01:08:22.310 --> 01:08:24.430
we have a large population of different ethnic

01:08:24.430 --> 01:08:28.829
backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by

01:08:28.829 --> 01:08:32.060
chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why

01:08:32.060 --> 01:08:34.340
you need that kind of information, but, well,

01:08:34.420 --> 01:08:37.800
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

01:08:37.800 --> 01:08:45.420
it experimental. Next up, Things Overheard in

01:08:45.420 --> 01:08:50.699
Hell. Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood

01:08:50.699 --> 01:08:57.640
therapist. I hope he writes more books. Two monkey

01:08:57.640 --> 01:09:09.399
fuckers and a toaster will be right back. And

01:09:09.399 --> 01:09:20.659
now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Hmm. Does a straw

01:09:20.659 --> 01:09:26.770
have one hole? Or does it have two? Hmm. I may

01:09:26.770 --> 01:09:33.890
never know. Hello, this is Phineas J. Altaris

01:09:33.890 --> 01:09:37.470
III. I'm here to deliver your music news this

01:09:37.470 --> 01:09:49.270
evening. Hold the line. Toto's US tour is coming

01:09:49.270 --> 01:09:53.590
together just fine. I didn't write that. Legendary

01:09:53.590 --> 01:09:55.649
rock band Toto will be touring as an evening

01:09:55.649 --> 01:09:58.090
with Steve Lukather and Joseph Williams. They

01:09:58.090 --> 01:10:01.229
have curated a set list for this entire excursion.

01:10:01.350 --> 01:10:03.970
February 18th, the tour kicks off in Milwaukee

01:10:03.970 --> 01:10:06.710
and will wrap up in Buffalo, Michigan. Our home

01:10:06.710 --> 01:10:09.029
base of Kansas City is getting snubbed unless

01:10:09.029 --> 01:10:11.609
you feel like traveling to Tulsa, Omaha, or Des

01:10:11.609 --> 01:10:14.670
Moines. That's not very far to travel, so if

01:10:14.670 --> 01:10:18.310
you love Toto, there you go. This is Phineas

01:10:18.310 --> 01:10:23.119
J. Baltaris III. That has been your music news

01:10:23.119 --> 01:10:25.960
for this evening. I have one burning question

01:10:25.960 --> 01:10:29.300
for you all. Do people really skip around the

01:10:29.300 --> 01:10:34.340
Maypole? So you want proof that we love you here

01:10:34.340 --> 01:10:37.260
at QD Spades and Microfilm Central? Here's a

01:10:37.260 --> 01:10:39.579
proof right here about the drink of the week.

01:10:40.500 --> 01:10:43.720
Hey, my party pilgrims. How about Norwegian's

01:10:43.720 --> 01:10:47.439
famous pineapple coconut mojito? One and a quarter

01:10:47.439 --> 01:10:49.840
ounce Bacardi coconut rum, one ounce pineapple

01:10:49.840 --> 01:10:53.170
puree. three pieces of lime wedges, six pieces

01:10:53.170 --> 01:10:55.310
of mint leaves, and one half ounce of simple

01:10:55.310 --> 01:10:58.970
syrup. You garnish ginger candy on a pick, orange

01:10:58.970 --> 01:11:02.909
wilt, and a mint sprig. Take a 12 -ounce glass,

01:11:03.149 --> 01:11:06.890
shake all ingredients together, and strain over

01:11:06.890 --> 01:11:10.270
fresh ice and top with soda. How about a splash

01:11:10.270 --> 01:11:12.689
of 7 -Up Sprite or ginger ale just for a little

01:11:12.689 --> 01:11:17.840
extra pizzazz? Four out of five people surveyed

01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:20.439
said that teeny douchebags in a microphone podcast

01:11:20.439 --> 01:11:24.340
are more entertaining than a gum infection. The

01:11:24.340 --> 01:11:26.819
fifth one called the cops, and we had to leave.

01:11:27.460 --> 01:11:29.699
Oh, man, what the fuck is this? Is this a new

01:11:29.699 --> 01:11:36.619
feature? What's inside Mark's head? Sounds stupid

01:11:36.619 --> 01:11:41.819
to me. Mmm, stromboli is so delicious. I love

01:11:41.819 --> 01:11:46.739
stromboli. I wonder if it loves me back. I bet

01:11:46.739 --> 01:11:50.619
you it does. Stromboli is so tasty. It's like

01:11:50.619 --> 01:11:55.100
a giant pizza roll with more flavor. It's the

01:11:55.100 --> 01:12:00.239
ultimate food. Mmm, stromboli. We need stromboli

01:12:00.239 --> 01:12:03.579
cereal. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Stromboli

01:12:03.579 --> 01:12:17.920
cereal. Mmm, stromboli flakes. Mmm. Two douchebags,

01:12:17.960 --> 01:12:19.899
a microphone, a mark here in the Kansas City

01:12:19.899 --> 01:12:39.600
area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Hey, Rob. That's

01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:45.279
probably a good idea. I have a story here accompanied

01:12:45.279 --> 01:12:47.560
with a Jeffy X list. Does that sound all right?

01:12:48.300 --> 01:12:52.199
All right. Okay. I had to run a quick trip to

01:12:52.199 --> 01:12:55.859
get gas for the power washer in the mower yesterday,

01:12:56.060 --> 01:12:59.800
actually. A guy in front of me at QT was yelling

01:12:59.800 --> 01:13:02.840
at his wife or whoever to get three packs of

01:13:02.840 --> 01:13:07.340
Exeter 6. I might have made a fun of that name

01:13:07.340 --> 01:13:10.640
before. I can't remember. But I am baffled at

01:13:10.640 --> 01:13:14.470
the name of Exeter. Do you see where I'm going

01:13:14.470 --> 01:13:20.569
with that? Exeter cigarettes. Hey, don't knock

01:13:20.569 --> 01:13:25.109
it. No, they may be great, but Exeter is like

01:13:25.109 --> 01:13:27.510
your... I've been smoking them for years. Okay,

01:13:27.590 --> 01:13:32.289
that's fine. But I just think the name is not

01:13:32.289 --> 01:13:36.670
that good. Exeter, like goodbye. I'm going to

01:13:36.670 --> 01:13:41.930
die. Hey, Exeter. You see what I mean? I heard

01:13:41.930 --> 01:13:50.850
all that. I did. Okay, so Exeter Cigarettes,

01:13:50.869 --> 01:13:54.369
I think it's just a horrible name. So Jeffy X,

01:13:54.609 --> 01:13:57.729
he sent me a list after I sent him a message.

01:13:57.909 --> 01:13:59.649
He said, you know, he said, I've been working

01:13:59.649 --> 01:14:04.909
on this. And Jeffy X has a list of product names

01:14:04.909 --> 01:14:08.149
that didn't work. They threw him through focus

01:14:08.149 --> 01:14:10.390
panels and everyone said, nah, that's not good.

01:14:10.529 --> 01:14:13.689
So they didn't do him. And Jeffy X is our sleuth

01:14:13.689 --> 01:14:17.850
on the loose. He goes around and he goes into

01:14:17.850 --> 01:14:20.310
these corporations and he finds these things.

01:14:20.409 --> 01:14:24.510
He finds these. focus panels and stuff and different

01:14:24.510 --> 01:14:27.130
products that failed. And he does this for us

01:14:27.130 --> 01:14:29.470
because he loves us. And also Rob embroidered

01:14:29.470 --> 01:14:32.750
him a pair of underwear with Jeffy on the back

01:14:32.750 --> 01:14:36.609
and X on the front with a special Steven Piercy

01:14:36.609 --> 01:14:39.890
pouch on the inside, although we're sure he doesn't

01:14:39.890 --> 01:14:42.859
need it. Stephen Piercy Pouch, Stephen Piercy

01:14:42.859 --> 01:14:45.520
was the lead singer, and still is, I believe,

01:14:45.659 --> 01:14:49.420
of the glam band Rat. Supposedly, he had a pouch

01:14:49.420 --> 01:14:53.060
sewn in on the inside of his fan decks to fill

01:14:53.060 --> 01:14:55.579
and fool, you know, and maybe look a little bit

01:14:55.579 --> 01:14:58.039
better to some women and maybe some gay males

01:14:58.039 --> 01:15:00.079
or something, right? Maybe look a little bit,

01:15:00.159 --> 01:15:01.859
you know, more generous down there or whatever.

01:15:03.600 --> 01:15:05.500
Rob was nice enough to do that for him, but we're

01:15:05.500 --> 01:15:07.739
sure Jeffy X doesn't need it. You made him a

01:15:07.739 --> 01:15:10.260
flying bat suit and a Sergeant Peppers outfit

01:15:10.260 --> 01:15:13.399
because you are an expert embroiderer, right?

01:15:15.479 --> 01:15:19.260
Yes, I have been for years. Yes. So he also can

01:15:19.260 --> 01:15:21.739
do it with his toes. That was cool, the video

01:15:21.739 --> 01:15:24.380
you put up of you embroidering. Yes. Yeah, that

01:15:24.380 --> 01:15:30.180
was crazy. So, and the loincloth thing, next

01:15:30.180 --> 01:15:32.199
time you do that, my suggestion is don't wear

01:15:32.199 --> 01:15:34.079
your loincloth when you're embroidering with

01:15:34.079 --> 01:15:38.920
your toes, Rob. Okay? Did you get a draft? Did

01:15:38.920 --> 01:15:42.260
you fill a draft? Yeah, there was a little draft.

01:15:42.399 --> 01:15:45.619
Yeah, yeah, I imagine there was. I think I missed

01:15:45.619 --> 01:15:50.020
a couple stitches. Got a little chilly, didn't

01:15:50.020 --> 01:15:55.010
it? Yeah, it did. Okay. And me, I'm a much more

01:15:55.010 --> 01:15:58.930
simpler man here. I gave him $3 ,500 to buy something

01:15:58.930 --> 01:16:02.170
for his mom or hookers and blow. I don't know

01:16:02.170 --> 01:16:04.609
what she did. I didn't ask, and I don't care.

01:16:04.989 --> 01:16:08.310
All right, Jeffy X came with this list for us.

01:16:08.729 --> 01:16:13.470
The first one is called a Stink Link. It was

01:16:13.470 --> 01:16:17.170
a new spicy beef stick. I love the name Stink

01:16:17.170 --> 01:16:23.850
Link. What do you think? I love it. Fantastic

01:16:23.850 --> 01:16:25.890
name for a beef stick. I'd eat one, wouldn't

01:16:25.890 --> 01:16:32.329
you? A stink link. Definitely. Yeah. I don't

01:16:32.329 --> 01:16:34.170
know what they're thinking, man. That focus panel

01:16:34.170 --> 01:16:38.529
was way off. Way off. All right. The next one

01:16:38.529 --> 01:16:43.069
is drip dry. It was a new syphilis medicine.

01:16:45.170 --> 01:16:48.970
I think that's a great name. You have syphilis,

01:16:48.970 --> 01:16:51.390
you're dripping. What are you going to get? You're

01:16:51.390 --> 01:16:53.649
going to grab a bottle that says drip dry, right?

01:16:56.630 --> 01:17:00.670
That would be perfect. Yeah. Yeah, that's what

01:17:00.670 --> 01:17:04.289
I'd look for. Like if I had the SIF and I was

01:17:04.289 --> 01:17:06.869
like walking into CVS and I was looking around

01:17:06.869 --> 01:17:09.449
and going, drip dry, that's what I need right

01:17:09.449 --> 01:17:13.550
there. The name's explanatory. I don't know what

01:17:13.550 --> 01:17:15.229
these guys are thinking, man. They're on heroin

01:17:15.229 --> 01:17:19.949
or something. All right. Next one is called Cramp

01:17:19.949 --> 01:17:24.829
Time. That's right, Cramp Time. And it's a MyDoll

01:17:24.829 --> 01:17:31.229
clone. I didn't think that was too... Well, I

01:17:31.229 --> 01:17:33.829
mean, at Cramp Time, you grab one of these, right?

01:17:33.930 --> 01:17:36.390
At Cramp Time. You're having cramps, you go get

01:17:36.390 --> 01:17:41.930
Cramp Time. Yeah, well, it didn't work. The next

01:17:41.930 --> 01:17:46.380
one is Mold Mate. It's a mold cleanup. You know,

01:17:46.380 --> 01:17:49.840
a solution that you put on mold, you know, on

01:17:49.840 --> 01:17:52.920
walls and floors and ceilings. Yeah. Mold Mate,

01:17:53.020 --> 01:17:54.579
I think, sounds great. It's kind of like Coffee

01:17:54.579 --> 01:17:56.640
Mate. You know, you put Coffee Mate in your coffee.

01:17:57.500 --> 01:18:00.680
Wow. Yeah. That sounds awesome. Yeah, you put

01:18:00.680 --> 01:18:02.560
Mold Mate. I'd buy it like that, wouldn't you?

01:18:04.140 --> 01:18:06.720
I know a lot of guys that do that stuff for a

01:18:06.720 --> 01:18:10.500
living that would buy it. See? Mold Mate. I don't

01:18:10.500 --> 01:18:12.079
know what... You know what? I wish they would

01:18:12.079 --> 01:18:13.840
sell me the name. I'd come out with some shit

01:18:13.840 --> 01:18:19.010
right now. This next one and this next one is

01:18:19.010 --> 01:18:21.670
pure bullshit that they denied it. Now, Rob,

01:18:21.789 --> 01:18:28.270
meat juice. It's beef broth. Oh, come on. I know.

01:18:28.649 --> 01:18:31.390
Beef broth. What is beef broth? It's meat juice,

01:18:31.649 --> 01:18:34.569
right? Yes. Yeah, well, what's wrong with calling

01:18:34.569 --> 01:18:39.409
it meat juice? I don't have a clue. They are

01:18:39.409 --> 01:18:41.970
on fucking crack or something. I don't know.

01:18:42.879 --> 01:18:47.340
These people that they interviewed at these focus

01:18:47.340 --> 01:18:52.760
panels are ridiculous. Alright, the next one

01:18:52.760 --> 01:19:02.560
is Nosex. It is anti -nausea medicine. I think

01:19:02.560 --> 01:19:05.939
that's a great name. I mean, you know, like Sinex

01:19:05.939 --> 01:19:10.710
is for sinus problems. Nosex. I don't either.

01:19:11.970 --> 01:19:16.510
NOSX means no more, no more nausea. I don't know.

01:19:17.329 --> 01:19:20.989
The next one is called Datalink, and it works

01:19:20.989 --> 01:19:26.710
like PayPal. Datalink, not link. Datalink. You

01:19:26.710 --> 01:19:32.109
know, I can kind of see it. I get that one. I

01:19:32.109 --> 01:19:40.180
get that one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I said it wrong.

01:19:40.340 --> 01:19:44.600
Data leak. Yeah. You know, sometimes when I don't

01:19:44.600 --> 01:19:46.880
get a chance. We don't know for that these days.

01:19:46.880 --> 01:19:50.199
Yeah, we do. You know, sometimes whenever I write

01:19:50.199 --> 01:19:52.199
this shit down myself and I don't have time to

01:19:52.199 --> 01:19:55.220
type it out, I come up with data link instead

01:19:55.220 --> 01:19:58.600
of leak. You know, because my words, I swear,

01:19:58.760 --> 01:20:03.439
my shorthand, if you will, is horrible. So, all

01:20:03.439 --> 01:20:09.130
right. Next one is no shit. It's three -ply toilet

01:20:09.130 --> 01:20:14.010
paper, Rob. What a great name. Oh my God, three

01:20:14.010 --> 01:20:17.229
-ply? Yeah, yeah, three -ply and it's named no

01:20:17.229 --> 01:20:19.229
shit. Wouldn't you grab that up in a second?

01:20:19.869 --> 01:20:25.229
That'd be like a tiger, man. Yeah. Yeah, three

01:20:25.229 --> 01:20:29.149
-ply. That's a holy grail of crap paper, isn't

01:20:29.149 --> 01:20:34.989
it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's the best thing you

01:20:34.989 --> 01:20:43.810
can use next to a beach towel, right? This next

01:20:43.810 --> 01:20:50.130
one I love. Dirt nap. It's a new form of Narcan.

01:20:50.609 --> 01:20:58.449
I don't think I'd buy that. Dirt nap? Oh, I'd

01:20:58.449 --> 01:21:02.100
give it to Clint. You know what? I love the name

01:21:02.100 --> 01:21:04.720
Dirt Nap. I'm sorry. Yep, yep, yep, yep. It goes

01:21:04.720 --> 01:21:08.020
to Clint. I'm going to FedEx it to him if I ever

01:21:08.020 --> 01:21:17.840
see it. Mitch is getting a little unhinged there.

01:21:17.920 --> 01:21:24.460
I don't know what his deal is. Him rubbing in

01:21:24.460 --> 01:21:27.140
that you have laryngitis? I don't know, man.

01:21:28.150 --> 01:21:30.069
Oh, well, you know what? Maybe he meant it as

01:21:30.069 --> 01:21:32.970
fun. He probably meant it as fun. My voice will

01:21:32.970 --> 01:21:37.510
come back. Yep. That's right. I will unleash.

01:21:38.750 --> 01:21:42.590
That's right, Mitch. You better watch it. All

01:21:42.590 --> 01:21:46.529
right. And then finally, Kaboom. It's a new gun

01:21:46.529 --> 01:21:50.789
cleaning kit. I think I'd stay away. Yeah, yeah.

01:21:50.949 --> 01:21:53.590
Cannot happen. Cannot happen. Yeah, yeah. I'd

01:21:53.590 --> 01:21:59.029
stay away from that. No. What? No, go ahead.

01:21:59.970 --> 01:22:02.909
That's already been trademarked. That's already

01:22:02.909 --> 01:22:07.970
been, yeah, Kaboom is a cleaner. Oh, that's right.

01:22:08.069 --> 01:22:11.189
It's a house cleaner. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they

01:22:11.189 --> 01:22:15.770
cannot get it past the name. Okay, then that's

01:22:15.770 --> 01:22:20.609
probably why it failed. Yeah. All right. All

01:22:20.609 --> 01:22:23.510
right. How about Rumble? I don't know. Flash?

01:22:23.670 --> 01:22:27.100
Flash? Yeah, that's it. Flash. Flash. Flash.

01:22:27.380 --> 01:22:30.920
Yeah, there we go. I like that name. All right,

01:22:30.960 --> 01:22:35.779
Rob, you got something? Yeah, I do. All right,

01:22:35.779 --> 01:22:54.140
good. Without a brain? Huh. I know a lot of people

01:22:54.140 --> 01:22:57.180
like that, and I guess they lived. No, anyhow,

01:22:57.239 --> 01:23:01.739
go ahead. That's a different type. Oh, oh, okay,

01:23:01.859 --> 01:23:04.800
okay, thank you, Robin. This one's literally.

01:23:06.960 --> 01:23:09.760
Well, I don't know, some of it might take her,

01:23:09.800 --> 01:23:12.760
too. I'd swear some of the people I know is literally,

01:23:12.880 --> 01:23:19.920
too, but anyhow. Well, yeah. But this one is

01:23:19.920 --> 01:23:23.640
actually medically diagnosed. Okay, that's the

01:23:23.640 --> 01:23:26.329
difference. Okay, that's the difference. Okay.

01:23:27.729 --> 01:23:32.909
Alex Simpson of Omaha, Nebraska was born with

01:23:32.909 --> 01:23:41.310
a rare condition known as hyperencephalia. Why

01:23:41.310 --> 01:23:45.029
don't they just name it no brain syndrome? Right,

01:23:45.170 --> 01:23:47.350
but that's the last time I'm going to say this

01:23:47.350 --> 01:23:56.489
word. Babble snatch. Yeah, babble snatch syndrome.

01:24:31.119 --> 01:24:34.020
Wow. Family said that doctors told them that

01:24:34.020 --> 01:24:36.840
their daughter would likely not live past the

01:24:36.840 --> 01:24:42.100
age of four. When asked why they believe Alex

01:24:42.100 --> 01:24:46.920
has lived so much longer than expected, both

01:24:46.920 --> 01:24:54.880
Sean and Lorna said, love. Simply love. What

01:24:54.880 --> 01:25:31.920
a cool... Mm -hmm. So this, she's literally like

01:25:31.920 --> 01:25:39.739
a, what is it, Ashley Sivo or Slivo? Yeah, she

01:25:39.739 --> 01:25:44.819
only has a small part of her swiveling. She has

01:25:44.819 --> 01:25:49.100
no brain. She can't see, she can't hear, but

01:25:49.100 --> 01:25:56.930
her family says she can sense that. Sivo. Shivo,

01:25:57.069 --> 01:25:59.050
Ashley Shivo or something like that, or Erica

01:25:59.050 --> 01:26:02.430
Shivo or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this

01:26:02.430 --> 01:26:05.869
is like that, where her dad comes in the room

01:26:05.869 --> 01:26:08.609
and her eyes follow him and all that, but she

01:26:08.609 --> 01:26:11.569
just can't speak or do anything, right? Yeah.

01:26:12.369 --> 01:26:17.590
Okay. Remember that huge court case that went

01:26:17.590 --> 01:26:19.649
on about that and her husband eventually had

01:26:19.649 --> 01:26:22.890
her plug pulled, even though her parents didn't

01:26:22.890 --> 01:26:28.619
want it to happen? That's right. No, I know,

01:26:28.720 --> 01:26:31.359
no, this is a, so she's like at the house, is

01:26:31.359 --> 01:26:34.960
that it? At their house? Yeah, she, yeah. Wow.

01:26:35.439 --> 01:26:38.819
Yeah, I guess. It's like a paraplegic or somebody

01:26:38.819 --> 01:26:43.899
with MS or cerebral palsy or whatever. Something

01:26:43.899 --> 01:26:48.819
like that. Yeah, but she can't see, she can't

01:26:48.819 --> 01:26:52.359
hear, but she can sense people around her. I

01:26:52.359 --> 01:26:57.520
can totally. Go ahead, do you want to go into

01:26:57.520 --> 01:27:03.619
it? Yeah. Okay. It goes on to say, 20 years ago,

01:27:03.699 --> 01:27:07.520
we were scared, but in faith, I think she's really

01:27:07.520 --> 01:27:11.079
what kept us alive, he said. She's a fighter,

01:27:11.260 --> 01:27:16.479
born and had it. Terry Shivo, that was the name.

01:27:16.539 --> 01:27:18.279
Anyhow, go ahead, I'm sorry. Yeah, Terry Shivo.

01:27:18.380 --> 01:28:21.619
Yeah. Okay. I agree. Anyway, I was going to try

01:28:21.619 --> 01:28:28.960
to say it. It occurs in 1 in 5 ,000 to 1 in 10

01:28:28.960 --> 01:28:32.939
,000 pregnancies. And the condition is usually

01:28:32.939 --> 01:28:38.100
fatal within the first year of life per the Cleveland

01:28:38.100 --> 01:28:45.560
claim. Wow. And this girl just turned 20. Isn't

01:28:45.560 --> 01:28:51.979
that amazing? hey i you know what i had to bring

01:28:51.979 --> 01:28:55.699
this story i love that story thank you um i agree

01:28:55.699 --> 01:28:58.340
with the parents you know i mean she's getting

01:28:58.340 --> 01:29:00.319
something out of it they would know they're the

01:29:00.319 --> 01:29:05.539
parents right yeah and the brother yes these

01:29:05.539 --> 01:29:17.100
are people that would know I think sometimes

01:29:17.100 --> 01:29:21.060
there's more to life and more to life and yourself

01:29:21.060 --> 01:29:24.060
in particular than people ever give it credit

01:29:24.060 --> 01:29:26.560
for. You know what I mean? Right. If I'm saying

01:29:26.560 --> 01:29:28.819
that correctly, what I mean, I think people.

01:29:30.000 --> 01:29:33.680
Yeah. Yeah. I think that we're taught certain

01:29:33.680 --> 01:29:37.859
things and people, you know what I mean? And

01:29:37.859 --> 01:29:39.859
I think a lot of stuff that we're taught is just

01:29:39.859 --> 01:29:42.840
simply what people thought that they knew, but

01:29:42.840 --> 01:29:45.170
they really don't know. And this is one of those

01:29:45.170 --> 01:29:47.710
things. We think, okay, without a brain, you

01:29:47.710 --> 01:29:50.550
can't do this or that. Do we really know that?

01:29:51.109 --> 01:29:53.869
I don't know if we really know that. That's just

01:29:53.869 --> 01:29:56.510
my thought on it, but, you know. I mean, I've

01:29:56.510 --> 01:29:58.250
been operating without a brain for quite a while

01:29:58.250 --> 01:30:03.489
and doing okay, right? I've been doing 57 years.

01:30:04.069 --> 01:30:11.399
See? See? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm latter 50s. Still

01:30:11.399 --> 01:30:13.840
plugging along, even though I don't have a brain.

01:30:14.380 --> 01:30:18.760
Ask my buddy. I don't like the show. No, I'm

01:30:18.760 --> 01:30:21.699
not going to. You know what? I'm going to quit

01:30:21.699 --> 01:30:24.140
that. I've got nothing against him. Love the

01:30:24.140 --> 01:30:27.000
guy. Everyone can have a differing opinion. I

01:30:27.000 --> 01:30:29.520
just don't appreciate it being put out like that.

01:30:29.600 --> 01:30:38.479
That's all. Yeah, it was disappointing. It was

01:30:38.479 --> 01:30:41.039
disappointing, but, you know, whatever. You know,

01:30:41.060 --> 01:30:43.840
people change, too. We may not be talking about

01:30:43.840 --> 01:30:48.659
the same person, you know. So, all right, I got

01:30:48.659 --> 01:30:51.380
a little one here. On October 14, three masked

01:30:51.380 --> 01:30:54.920
individuals approached the front door of a home

01:30:54.920 --> 01:30:58.340
in Alexandria, Virginia, rang the video doorbell,

01:30:58.380 --> 01:31:00.180
and began threatening the woman who answered.

01:31:01.020 --> 01:31:04.479
WJLA 7 News reported, the terrified resident

01:31:04.479 --> 01:31:06.560
called her brother, who arrived with a handgun

01:31:06.560 --> 01:31:09.439
less than two minutes after the trio left. and

01:31:09.439 --> 01:31:11.359
then the police, who began an investigation.

01:31:12.020 --> 01:31:15.079
News of the unsettling incident had the community

01:31:15.079 --> 01:31:18.479
on edge until October 27, when Alexandria Chief

01:31:18.479 --> 01:31:21.739
of Police Tarek Maguire announced during a press

01:31:21.739 --> 01:31:24.020
conference that the culprits had been found and

01:31:24.020 --> 01:31:26.470
that the whole thing was a prank. The masked

01:31:26.470 --> 01:31:28.449
would -be intruders were actually the teenage

01:31:28.449 --> 01:31:32.189
sons and nephew of an adult related to the victim.

01:31:32.310 --> 01:31:35.449
For me, my team in this community, it represents

01:31:35.449 --> 01:31:38.949
a moral failure, McGuire told a gathering of

01:31:38.949 --> 01:31:43.149
the press, a moral failure where consequences

01:31:43.149 --> 01:31:46.470
could result in deadly consequences. After consulting

01:31:46.470 --> 01:31:48.890
with attorneys and the victims, the decision

01:31:48.890 --> 01:31:52.289
was made not to press charges, but this guy is

01:31:52.289 --> 01:31:56.239
right. The law enforcement guy is absolutely

01:31:56.239 --> 01:31:58.800
correct. How many people get shot over that?

01:32:00.159 --> 01:32:05.039
Yeah. Yeah. Not smart. Not smart. So, Rob, you

01:32:05.039 --> 01:32:06.800
got one more or are we going to cut this down

01:32:06.800 --> 01:32:09.859
because I have to be out of here at nine? Well,

01:32:09.979 --> 01:32:12.859
yeah, that's all I got because I really don't

01:32:12.859 --> 01:32:15.699
know how much voice I got left. Okay, well, we

01:32:15.699 --> 01:32:17.880
will throw a little bit of some other show in

01:32:17.880 --> 01:32:30.560
there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. We have not

01:32:30.560 --> 01:32:33.260
gotten a hit from Hicksville in about a month

01:32:33.260 --> 01:32:35.140
and a half, so I'm going to quit mentioning them.

01:32:37.340 --> 01:32:41.640
Hi, Albuquerque. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Hi, Grandma

01:32:41.640 --> 01:32:44.619
Opal. We love you guys. Good night, assholes.

01:32:56.590 --> 01:33:01.149
Yeah, yeah, we do. Yeah, we do. Good night, assholes.

01:33:01.369 --> 01:33:05.869
Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the

01:33:05.869 --> 01:33:08.909
show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea

01:33:08.909 --> 01:33:12.869
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.

01:33:12.970 --> 01:33:15.189
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.