Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come
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from yesterday. There's your answer. We buy funny
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nobody gives a shit about. A store in Amsterdam
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if you're a fan of paying way too much for trinkets
and food, well, your wish is coming true. Han
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Hurry. You know rubes are jumping all over to
get to this complete ripoff. Because people are
sheep. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark
here in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap
studio. All right, well, rest your voice. We'll
get to you here in a little bit. I've got a little
update. I'm here, though. I'm here. And we appreciate
it, Rob. I've got a little update on something
we did about a month ago, okay? I got a return
letter from the Detroit Lions, Rob. You got what?
I got a return letter from the Detroit Lions.
Remember I sent Brian Branch? Did you really?
Yes, I did. We were kind enough to send Brian
Branch, the Detroit Lions, a get well soon card.
He was whining about the Chiefs bullying him.
So, you know, which meant this was like a month
or so, probably over a month ago. Brian Branch
is a defensive back, which makes his complaint
even more egregious. A big, bad D -back getting
bullied by a running back or a receiver. It doesn't
make sense. D -backs are huge, right? He was
getting bullied by a little bitty running back
or a skinny little receiver. So, I'm going to
go ahead and read the letter now, okay? It says...
Hang on, where the hell... Sorry. Man, I hate
it when I do this. I'm unprepared. Okay, here
it is. Okay. Oh, you and me both, dude. Dear
Fanbase, what a way to greet somebody. They called
me Fanbase. Dear fan base, we appreciate you
reaching out and sending the kind words. The
staff at our office will make sure that the player
this is addressed to will receive your wonderful
wishes. We encourage dialogue between our loyal
fans and the players. We all wish you a safe
and joyous holiday season. Best regards to all.
the Detroit Lions organization. Go to DetroitLionsFootball
.com for all your swag, drip, and paraphernalia
needs. Yes, please do. They replied. They replied
to us. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Somebody heard
us. Go there and buy a handkerchief or some bullshit.
I could not believe they replied. I was like,
I see it in the mail. I'm like, what? I'm going
to post it a little bit later. I haven't had
a chance to yet. So I got to give them credit.
That was pretty cool, wasn't it? Yeah. So I thought
this was a clever message to Lions. And for them
to respond is pretty awesome, really. I mean,
even if they didn't understand that it was a
jab at their player, they probably didn't look
at it. I bet you they didn't. They probably just
saw it and, like, sent it his way. They probably
didn't open it up, I imagine. They're probably
like, well, it's private, okay. So, you know,
maybe Brian Branch will have something to say
back. Our names are on it. Me and your names.
My address. I even have my phone number on there
in case he wants to call me and tell me to fuck
off. I thought that was only fair, right? Yeah,
so, I doubt if he will, but if he does, I will
damn sure make sure it's recorded. Because you
can do that. If someone calls you, you can record
it and you can play it anywhere on airwaves,
on podcasts, anything, and it's legal. You can't
call them and record it and then play it. But
if they call you, you can do that. So if he calls
me, it's on. But I doubt he does that. So they
were cooler than a friend of mine that seems
to have issues with a card, I guess. So, you
know, a friend of ours, you know, he's a mutual
friend. He seems to have issues with a card,
I guess. You know, I posted it on. Yeah, yeah,
it's interesting because I posted it. I didn't
talk about this before, but then I thought, you
know, I got a return card, so I'm going to talk
about it now a little bit, but I'll go into it
here. You know, I posted on Facebook that I sent
a card to Lions Branch. A said friend had a comment
to me on that post. This is what it read. I hope
you get better. I know you're not sick. Just
get better. Okay. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. That's
kind of a shitty statement, isn't it? You know?
Let's put this in perspective, okay? I don't
believe in Scientology in the least, right? But
I will not actively, I won't actively go tell
them it's a fraud. You know, it's a huge bowl
in none of my fucking business, right? Right.
Yeah. You know, I'm not mad at him. I still love
him. But this wasn't... I think he just said
it because it was to us. Well, I sent a reply
going, please explain, and he never did. That's
what got me. If it was meant any other way, you
probably would have been like, oh, yeah, yeah,
I didn't mean anything. Especially out of him,
you would take him alive. Yeah, yeah, like I
said, I still love the guy. It's okay. I'm just
a little perplexed. I always will. Yeah, yeah,
I still love the guy. I've known him a long,
long time, so have you. He's a great guy. I love
the whole family. I do, too. It's like you're
a family. Yeah. Yeah, they're great people, but
this wasn't a deal breaker. I'm just a little
perplexed at why one would go out of their way
to try to cut us down like that. I mean, and
you know... Please explain yourself. Well, he
never did. I gave him that opportunity, which
leads to me like he did mean it derogatory. And
what do you do when you say something, but you
don't really have anything to back it up or a
reason to say it? You ignore it. And that's why
I choose, that's why I look at it. I don't see
why else you would. Oh, go ahead. I haven't seen
him in like 35, 40 years. I haven't seen him
in a long time either. I saw him at Walmart one
time, and he was very nice, like always. And
like I said, I love the guy. I just don't understand
what the purpose. I don't understand the purpose
of something like this, especially when you're
a friend with somebody. You know this tear someone
down? If you don't like the program, don't download
it. Simple. You don't have to actively make a
snide comment about it. I don't get that. You
know, and look, I'm not trying to make fun of
him or nothing. I love the guy, like I said,
and I always will. Yeah, I always will love the
guy. Yeah, he's a great guy, and I still consider
him a great friend. But, you know, if you listen
to this, which it doesn't sound like you do,
but if you listen to this, just think about what
you're saying, okay? This is our art. This is
Rob and I's art. You know, I won't come to your
house and, like, let's say you're doing a painting.
I go, oh, that's not very good. You don't do
that. And why, you know, one of the things wrong
with the world. Yes. One of the things that's
wrong with this world is people doing that. We
forgot to encourage people to be better instead
of just tearing them down automatically. It's
a huge problem we have here in America. We need
to lift and support each other up. And this is
a great example of that. I'm not making fun of
you. I'm not making fun of you. Like I said,
I love you. But if you listen to this, just think
about it, okay? And think about how it looks.
And think about what you're really saying when
you do something like this, okay? That's all
I'm saying. So, love you. Hope everything's great.
Hope all is well. I hope your family's healthy.
I hope everyone's safe and happy. I hope you
have a warm house and food in your stomach, you
know, all this stuff. Nothing but love, but kind
of watch the comments. Come on now, you know?
So, anyhow, I miss the days when no one felt
the need to exercise their opinion constantly.
You know what I mean? That's something about
social media is everybody has a platform and
they're going to use it. They're going to make
damn sure because they never had a voice. I'm
not talking about this person. No, no, no. This
is in general. I know where you're going. Because
they've never had a voice ever before in their
whole life. Now they have somewhat of a platform.
They're going to go crazy. And they're going
to elaborate on everything. They're going to
make a comment on everything. They're going to
point their finger at everything. It's really
ridiculous. And trust and believe, our friend
has always had a voice. So, yeah, we're not worried
about that. No, no, no. We love him. There's
no ill feelings. I'm just trying to state something
that I... Yeah, and I wasn't even going to talk
about it, but when I got the reply letter, I'm
like, you know what, I'm going to talk about
it anyhow. So I'll go into it a little bit. Like
I said, I'm not dogging the guy. I love him.
You love him and all that. But I'm going to end
it right here, this conversation about this.
Opinions are like assholes. We all have one,
and they all fucking stink. Oh, God, that is
the ultimate response right there. Yeah. Yeah,
and think about that next time you have something
to say or a little jab at somebody or try to
tear somebody down. I'm not talking about the
certain person. I'm talking about anybody. Yeah,
anybody. We all have opinions. It's easy to come
up with one. What's not easy to do is to politely
back it up. And, you know, and actually the best
thing to do is just if you don't like something,
move on. Move on. There's everything else going
on in the world. You know, there are so many
other things to worry about except a fucking
podcast. So, all right. It's hot tub time. So
I had to fill up the hot tub and put in the chemicals
a couple of days ago. So I was in the middle
of cleaning it, and I see a huge pile of black
something over near the filter, right? It's just,
it looked like black tar. But I notice it's moving.
I'm like, what? So I walk over, well, I didn't
walk over there. I kind of like scooted over
there because I'm actually in the hot tub. I'm
bailing out the little bit of water that seeped
in when I forgot to cover it up, put the cover
back on and all that. So I'm bailing out that
old rainwater that stunk like hell and all that.
And I look over there and I'm like, what is that
black blob moving? Well, it was a pile of black
ants running all around near the filter. I don't
know what it was. I don't know what could have
got trapped under there, you know, like some
sort of sugary substance or something. But it's
a huge blob of them. So I get the inside clean
when I was getting out of the tub, and I look
down, thankfully, right? And you know what likes
to dine on ants, Rob? You would probably know
this because you've lived in Missouri your whole
life, right? Brown recluses. Brown recluses.
Yes. Yes. They dine on black ants. They love
them. If you ever see one of their webs, it's
full of black ants. I mean, that is like their
go -to meal. So, you know, that being said, there's
all these black ants. Well, I wiped out the ants,
and I was getting out, and I almost stuck my
hand in a nest of these brown recluse spiders.
You know, and I'm glad I looked down. Otherwise,
I would have put my palm right on it. So, and
it probably wouldn't kill you, but damn, they
make you feel bad. And they can kill you. I remind
you, the guitarist of Slayer was killed by a
brown recluse spider because he got sepsis, a
blood infection, from the spider bite. And it
killed him. It can kill you, but generally it
won't. If you know you have that bite and you
go seek help immediately, you'll be okay. And
yeah, your arm's going to throb. It's going to
hurt. It's going to get big. It's going to get
red and all that stuff. But you'll live if you're
a healthy person. So anyhow, I saw it. So then
the whole operation turned into a can of raid
and vengeance. And look, I don't hate brown recluse
fighters because they do a lot of good. They
kill a lot of pests. And they are called recluse
because they're docile. Don't kill me. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Well, the whole thing is, is it's
a hot tub and we're going to be getting in and
out of it. So I had to do something. I would
have loved to taken all those little brown recluses
and put them out in the yard somewhere and said,
there you go, little guys. But it wasn't feasible.
So I had to just like, kind of like, you know,
shoot them with some raid and kill them all.
And I, you know, I didn't particularly feel great
about it, but I had to do it. And the thing about
brown recluses is they're called recluses because
they're docile. The only way they will sting
you. The only way one will bite you is if you're
getting ready to kill it. You put your hand on
it, your foot on it. Other than that, they stay
there. Yeah, and the same way with black widows,
too. Both spider species are very misunderstood.
They do not actively go after people. They just
want to, well, black widows want to eat their
mate after they mate with them. And then they
just want to, like, have their babies and fucking
eat, you know, catch flies and stuff and eat.
You know, they're just living their life like
we are, you know. And they don't want you around
them, just like most snakes. They don't want
you around them. They're like, they look at you
like you look at them. Oh, there's a predator.
I better stay away from it. You know, there are
some snakes that are. very, you know, very aggressive.
Like a cotton mouth is extremely aggressive.
They have anger issues, cotton mouths, don't
they? Yes. Yeah, they have anger issues. Very
much so. Yeah, they see you and they're like,
I want to kill that son of a bitch over there.
I don't know why, but I want to kill him. They
have a little bit of an attitude there. So, anyhow.
So it turned into a can raid. But I want to go
into something else here real quick. Next Thursday
from the city market, it's Ramon. This guy has
a very interesting story to tell. Ramon was in
drug cartels, white -collar high corporate jobs,
and white -collar high corporate crime. This
guy is amazing. And you're going to have him
on. Yes, he has a variety of other things going
on. And I'm telling you. This guy is a perfect
guest. I just gave him a little interview right
there because he saw me writing down some stuff,
and he'd come up there. Really nice guy. He goes,
excuse me. He goes, do you mind if I ask you
what you're doing? Because he sees me looking
at stories and writing them down. I go, yeah.
I go, I've got a podcast. Me and a friend of
mine do, you know. Me and a couple of friends
of mine do, actually. He goes, oh, really? He
goes, are you the guys that I see every now and
then? I go, yeah, one of them is that we're over
there out there. He goes, yeah. He goes, I come
here quite a bit. He goes, well, my name's Ramon.
And then he told me his story. And I go, Ramon,
I go, have you ever thought about being on a
podcast and telling your story? He goes, yeah.
He goes, no pictures. No pictures. I was like,
okay. Yeah, no, I told him. I said, no video,
no pictures. So I got to send him a text, and
he is hopefully going to respond to me. Because
he is really interested. If I had the equipment,
I would have done it right there on the spot.
But I didn't have the equipment to record. I
wished I did. But he was wanting to do it right
then. He goes, man, I got all these stories inside
me. And he goes, I want to talk about it. He
goes, I want to get it out. He goes, you know,
I had so many things happen in my life that are
crazy and insane. I think it's a story that needs
to be told. I said, you ever think about a book?
He said, yeah. He goes, actually, I did think
about a book. He may have been a part of cartel.
He is highly educated. He is a highly educated
man. You guys will find this out when I interview
him. So, I'm just saying, when that comes out,
I'm going to just put up the Ramon episode, and
you guys need to get it right then. He is a really
interesting guy. So, okay, and I'm going to go
into a different note. Check the Ramone thing
out. Very cool. On another note, Royals legendary
play -by -play guy, the voice of the Royals,
and Baseball Hall of Famer Denny Matthews, he's
about to become a newly married for the first
time. He is 82 years old. Really? Yes. I love
Denny Matthews. Denny Matthews is a legend. He's
a legend. He's in the Hall of Fame. He's in the
Broadcasting Hall of Fame. He's amazing. He will
be wed at Kauffman Stadium, I think, next week.
I forgot the exact date. But God bless you. That's
the perfect place. Man, we love you, Denny. We
wish you the best of everything. I just love
that story. We are pleased with your upcoming
nuptials. The woman is a very... Very happy woman.
She's really being blessed to be with a guy like
Denny. And I'm sure she is the same. And then
while we're talking about Kansas City, I've spoke
about there's something special about Kansas
City, the Frank Boll TV and radio legend special
series podcast. All right. I told you about the
Johnny Dare interview. Well, there's another
one with Randy Miller. And then I since found
out there's one with Max Floyd. So this is a
fantastic in -depth interview with all of them.
I listened to both of them. I listened to Randy
Miller, Kansas City's first shock jock. He was.
He was. He was doing this stuff at KCI Radio
before anybody was. He was doing the bits. He
was doing the prank calls. He was doing all of
that stuff before anyone else was. You could
say that Dick and Jay was the first shock jock.
in Kansas city radio, but it changed so much
between the seventies and the eighties that,
you know, like the mid eighties in particular,
when KCI radio was coming out and all that, they,
I can't really put it in the same category, you
know, but, um, anyhow, uh, Kansas city's first
shock jock, Randy Miller is a great interview.
A lot of stuff I didn't know about him. And like
I always say, if I'm going to see an autobiography,
if I'm going to read it or watch it, I want stuff.
I don't know. I don't want a bunch of stuff that
I know. Why would I rehash anything I already
know? This is one of those ones, a bunch of stuff
that I didn't know. It's fantastic. And also
he's writing a second book, which I'm going to
get that too. I have the first one, Prizes, Pranks,
and the Purse Lady. The Misadventures of the
Randy Miller Morning Show. It's a very good book.
So, all right. And while I'm at this, and I'm
talking about other podcasts and other stuff.
Chris Jericho has a podcast named Talk is Jericho.
A lot of people have already heard it. Yeah,
he's very good. His latest show featured Jakey
Lee. If you're a hard rock fan, it's a must listen.
He's very open, honest, and candid about everything.
I sincerely enjoyed the Jakey Lee interview.
Jakey Lee is a very unique guy. I had no idea
there were so many facets to him until lately.
He's been coming out and talking, you know, ever
since, you know, he went to the Back to the Beginning
concert. He was invited there personally by Nuno
Betancourt, by the blessing of everybody that
was attending, including the Osbournes. And I
never knew there were so many facets of him.
And, like, the shooting. The shooting that, you
know, he got shot up pretty bad. He almost died.
I didn't know this. And also, they were shooting
at his dog because it seems like maybe they were
trying to steal a car or something, allegedly,
right? And then he was walking his dog at 2 a
.m. The reason he was walking his dog at 2 a
.m. is blistering hot in Vegas. That's the only
time you can do it without melting. So he's out
there walking his dog at 2 a .m., and he probably
ran up on a crime scene unknowingly. And the
dog was barking. Jake Lee's dog was barking.
So Jake let the dog go so he could run back home
and not get shot. But in doing that, he got shot
three times, three or four times. But he's okay.
But it was an interesting story because I didn't
know all of that. I didn't know a bunch of other
things either. And he also said something that
I didn't realize. But I guess Sharon came up
to him when she said, hey, Ozzy's over there.
He wants to see you. And she goes, she whispered
in his ear, he doesn't have long. So if the heart
attack didn't get him something else, whatever
else was going to get him. So, you know, he's
probably better off. I hate saying that. You
know, we wish he was here, but he's not. But
it's probably better off that that happened because
he was going to die probably in a more painful,
long -form manner, which would suck. So, anyhow,
I love this candidness. Listen to it. If you're
a hard rock fan, if you like Jakey Lee, Ozzy,
listen to it. It's a must listen. This has got
a mark, check mark next to it. Listen to it.
And you too, Rob. I know you feel the same way
about all the same bands. Listen to it, Rob.
It's very good. Oh, I definitely will. So now
I'm going to go into my story here because I
was minded of it. The other day I took and I
sent a picture of this and then someone goes,
oh yeah, that's just like your flaming shitter
story. So I'll go into it. Okay, I'm headed up
to the city market and I was going to go through
some... some corners with construction going
on. You know how they have everything, all the,
all the, all the cones and then that mesh stuff
that they keep you away from, right? Little makeshift
fence and all that. And they're working on this,
they're working on this curb, okay? They're tearing
it down and putting another one in. There was
a Johnny on the spot, crapper, overflowing, and
turds were running down the road, okay? Oh, I
love it. Yeah, so I sent this to, well, Johnny
and O .P., although his name's not Johnny. I
sent it to Johnny. I sent it to Johnny and O
.P. You know Rob, you know. So one of these days.
Oh, wait, no, you wouldn't know him. He was after
you. Damn it. Okay. All right. Anyhow. So this
leads me to my famous burning turd story because
he sent me back a reply going, reminds me of
your burning shitter story. And I'm like, oh,
so, okay. Many years ago for the youth. Well,
I was a mad shitter too. I got a lot of shit
stories. Yeah, that's only in Clinton, Missouri.
I'm the mad shitter. This was in Lacing, Kansas.
I was not known as a mad shitter there. Many
years later for the union, I had to do some field
work for hours for my schooling. To pass, you
had to have so many hours in the field to be
completed, right? So you did your stuff in the
office, in the school, and then you had to go
out and you had to learn stuff in the field,
although I wasn't going to be a field worker.
Well, I did. I did later. I had to do this for
my credits to be completed. I'm not going to
say which power plant it was, but I think I kind
of did. It was, but I had to use the structure
elevator a lot. I'm going to act like I missed
it. I don't think it matters in the least, but
anyhow. Yeah, this is true. There's a structure
right next to the stack, and all the work is
done on a structure. The stack is just simply
to excel the fumes out of there and to burn the
coal. Everything else is all the logistics and
everything that it takes to do that, and that's
in the structure next to the stack. So I didn't
know the gag yet, so I was a victim. On the structure
next to the stacks, there's a floor that was
full of equipment access. to the outside panels
and stuff. So then every other floor stop was
just a platform. Usually with just a Johnny on
the spot shitter, because that was the only place
they had room for it, okay? So you'd have one
floor that was a full floor of everything, you
know, that you had to do, the boilers, access
to the boilers. all the pipes, all the electronics
and everything. And then the next floor would
be a little small, little partial square floor,
and it would have a Johnny on the spot on it,
okay? They needed that there to segregate the
floors, right? So they started putting Johnny
on the shitters there because that was the best
spot. The elevator you had to make sure you were
on the right floor because it literally took
40 minutes for the elevator to come back because
there's hundreds of workers getting on and off
of that elevator all the time, right? It's like
30 floors, okay? So all these people are getting
on and off doing this work there. So it took
forever for it to come back. So what happens
is when a crapper gets full on the platform,
it takes forever for the Johnny company to come
out and change the shitter. It's a huge, laborious,
lengthy task to change one out. you know on the
structure's platform you know it spills over
you know it's just nasty it smells horrible and
then they got to get this giant pallet i see
them do it they got this giant pallet jack they
they go under it and they lift it up and when
they're doing that because it's overflowing fucking
turds and piss start flying out of that thing
right so nobody wants to do it I wouldn't either
if I worked for him. So the workers literally
have to light the motherfucker on fire and then
call the crapper company and go, hey, we got
a flaming shitter. This is an urgent plea to
come get your shitter. It's on fire. Okay? And
there's a reason why they call us two douchebags.
Yes. So there's this flaming shitter up on 5,
turds popping, sewage overflowing on this small
platform. You don't have very much other space
there, okay? I love this story. I think you know
where I'm going with this. Yes, I do. My initiation
that I didn't realize was a foreman said he left
a pipe wrench up on platform 5, and I had to
retrieve it. So I'm sitting there going, oh,
okay, cool, a little fuck -off job, you know?
20 minutes to get up there, 40 minutes after
the elevator leaves to, you know, I get the pipe
wrench, then I wait 40 minutes just standing
there, and then the elevator comes back and gets
me, and then I go back down and I give them the
pipe wrench. It sounded great, right? It's like,
man, I got an hour of fuck -off time ahead of
me. This is awesome. My initiation was, you know,
to get that pipe wrench, but I didn't view it
as that. I thought, oh, man, this guy must like
me, man. He's giving me a pud job. So there I
was suckered into finding a pipe wrench that
didn't exist, standing next to an overflowing
flaming shitter with turds popping and such.
Forty -some minutes later, after the burning
turds permeated my hair, clothes, eyes, and skin,
I finally get back on the elevator. I go back
to my foreman and he said, oh, I'm sorry. I found
the pipe wrench in the office. My bad. I wanted
to kill. I wanted to fucking kill him. And then
everybody, I could tell by their reaction, they
wanted to bust out laughing. And they all turned
around and walked off. And later on, the guy
comes up to me and goes, hey, hey, kid. I'm like,
yeah. He goes. That's your initiation. You're
fine now. They won't fuck with you anymore. I'm
like, okay, cool, thanks. Yeah, and I'm not kidding
you. Don't you love those? That flaming shit,
it permeates your hair and your skin, and you
can smell it on you the rest of the day. Oh,
it's fucking horrible. So, let's see. And then
I have this other thing I want to go into. I
know I'm running late, but your voice isn't.
isn't really good some kind of right honestly
my first one is two stories so okay all right
we'll go to it here hey i've been wearing my
voice out let's do it okay all right hang on
i've got a couple more things and we'll go to
you and you can talk as long as you want to as
long as your voice doesn't give out um okay i
forgot this but i found my notes in this earlier
today I was going through Osceola, Missouri,
coming back from our trip to Arkansas a few weeks
back. I love that place. Osceola Cheese Factory.
We didn't get a chance to stop there. Shout out.
Osceola Cheese is good. And those garlic crackers.
Oh, my God. Shout out to Osceola Cheese. We love
you guys. You guys make some phenomenal stuff.
And I'm going to be like 20 minutes from there.
Oh, yeah, that's right. So I stop at the pilot
truck stop there. You know where it's at, right?
Before you get to the cheese place, just to the
south of it. And I get out to... To the south?
Or is it to the north? Well, there's one in Lowry
City and then there's... Lowry City. Lowry City,
sorry. Lowry City. Okay, this was Lowry City.
The Collins one, we already went by. Yeah, you're
talking about Lowry City, yeah. Yeah, yeah, Lowry
City. Before you get to Osceola, come with me.
Well... Trust me, after we're done... No, after
you started talking about it, I realized my error.
I realized my error after you started talking
about it. Lowry City, yeah. Not Osceola. So,
I get outside to pump my gas, right? I go up
to a gas pump. There are 10 huge piles of puke
surrounding my car, my Jeep. I'm not kidding
you. It's not humanly possible to puke that much.
And I get out there, and I'm like, what the hell?
I look around. I'm like, there's huge piles of
puke, like 10 of them, surrounding the car. I
got back in and left. I said, I'm going to get
gassed somewhere else. I almost vomited just
smelling the fucking vomit. I don't know what
happened. Did, like, a family of people, like,
get food poisoning and all run out there and
jump out at the same time and vomit everywhere?
No. See how I'm moving over the area. I already
know what happened. What happened? Please tell
me. It was a bunch of drunk people. That's probably
it. Just saying. It was a bunch of rednecks.
They queued. That, Rob, you just made sense of
it. Because I jumped back in the car and Val
said, I'm moving over there. Val's like, it's
like neck of the woods type stuff. No, Val's
like, I thought you were getting gas. I'm like,
I'll tell you later. I just went on. I'm fucking
gagging while I'm still getting in the car. It
was nasty. So, and finally, I did the solo cast,
right? Because last week you had laryngitis.
So, did you hear it yet? Well, I still do, but
I don't know what it is, honestly. If it persists,
go to the doctor. She can get antibiotics before
it gets worse. For real. Well, the problem is
I feel fine. Hmm. My voice is gone. Oh, okay.
Well, it's better than what it was, so, you know.
Yes, it is. So it's getting better. Okay, so
did you hear any of the solo casts, Rob? I placed
her just a while ago. Okay. Did you like the
Mr. Creepy? I put in the inaugural Mr. Creepy
segment. Okay. We don't do Mr. Creepy anymore,
but there's a couple of them that I really did
like. I'm going to repurpose them every now and
then. And, you know, Topher was kind enough to
fill up a couple of flash drives full of the
first 20 shows, I think, is what he had the first
20. I listen to a lot of the older stuff and
it's actually really, really good. And I forgot
them enough to, it made me laugh, you know, like
the Mr. Creepy segment. I forgot how funny the
first one was. It was talking about meat gazers,
you know, a guy who wrote into Mr. Creepy. And
so, so I'm still looking for the, through the
story. You know, I love Mr. Creepy. I know, I
know. And if I bring him back. Maybe with AI
voice I could get away with it, but the guy just,
I don't like the way I made him sound, and I
don't know how to correct it. He's got some sort
of a draw that I don't like. I find very unappealing.
You know how you have to like a character to
really get into it? Maybe an AI voice would help,
and it would sound a little different, the draw
and everything. I might try him like that. So,
I don't know. Well, anyhow, I mean, I'm glad
you like him, and I know other people like him,
too. I'm the one with the problem with him, and
I just don't like the way he sounds. But we'll
figure that out later. So, anyhow, Topher gave
me about the first 20 shows, and I'm in the middle
of segmenting the ones that I want out and, you
know, not taking some of the stuff. It is a filler,
but I don't think it's strong enough. What'd
you say? I was scared. Yeah, things were breaking
up as you were talking. Oh, okay. All right,
well, I'm done with everything. Okay, we're good.
It sounds like we're good now. Okay. Rob, we
go to you. You have a couple stories. Okay, do
one, then we'll go to our first break, come back
with some emails, and then you can do the other
one. Do you think that'll work? Well, no. After
emails, I have robbed a bag of garbage. Oh, okay.
If nothing else, I will make the second one for
tonight's show. Okay, okay. Well, go ahead and
see what you can do, and we'll go from there.
Thank you. Geez, and the trailer hitch? Hello?
Yeah, I'm here. Okay. Yeah, I don't know how
long we're going to be here. Okay, let's take
our first break. We'll be right back. Oh, man.
What the fuck is this? Is this a new feature?
What's inside Mark's head? Sounds stupid to me.
Why do people say tuna fish sandwich when nobody
says chicken bird sandwich? Now it's time for
Pickup Lines from a Loser. Can you take me to
the hospital? I just broke my leg falling for
you. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. The other
day, my vacuum became clogged. I had to open
up my vacuum and unclog it. So essentially, I
was cleaning my vacuum. which was a vacuum cleaner,
but I became the vacuum cleaner. Mind blown.
And now we look in on the adventures of the technical
explanation guy. Excuse me, sir. Could you please
be a good gentleman and pass the malt acetic
acid my way? Do you mean the malt vinegar? Why,
yes. Yes, I do mean the malt vinegar. Then just
say the malt vinegar, you dumb buck. Strange,
but true. Tico Cemetery is one of the cemeteries
where the state of Ohio buried the residents
of Columbus Mental Hospital. The gravestones
are all the same size and shape, many without
names. The most striking feature is that there
is some have stones just marked specimens. Have
you ever wondered what something is about? Have
you ever looked at something and said, hey, I
wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have
we. That's why we give you the origin of. This
is the origin of Rob Rad's loincloth. Rob used
to strip in a nightclub called McCock's on the
city's east side. Rob was the only completely
new dancer at the club. The other dancers were
jealous of Rob making all the cash and made him
use a loincloth to dance with. Rob soon had to
wear his loincloth daily. He found out that he
could get out of traffic tickets, sell vinyl
siding, and pick up hotties at the come and go.
Rob now wears his loincloth everywhere except
work. Sparks plus pubic hair equals to bad things.
You watched the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse
inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts
beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have your post -apocalypse list. Learn your
soils. You will need drinking and bath water.
You must build a reservoir. The key to hold water
in the ground are the clays you have at its base.
Research water purification methods, and wild
game will attract to the water as well. Hey there,
slap nets. It's time for the Creeps Music News.
Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny
Rohypnol with your music news. During an appearance
on July 8th episode of SiriusXM's Trunk Nation,
Tony Omi spoke about some of his upcoming music
-related projects, including a full -length collection
of new material from legendary Black Sabbath
guitarist. Tony said, as transcribed by Blabbermouth
.net, And then who knows what I'm going to do.
It's great, really. Because if something pops
up, I'll do it if I want to do it. Asked if his
upcoming album as a Tony Iommi solo record would
guess on it, like he's done before with the legendary
2000s Iommi, the guitarist responded, at the
moment, no. I've got one singer on it, which
I originally thought of different singers, but
it started off as it was going to be an instrumental
album, and it's gone from that into a full -fledged
Tony Iommi project. But then I thought, oh, wait,
I want to try it with a singer. So that's what
I've been doing. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That
was your music news. And remember, bar chords
are bullshit. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
So let me see. Let's say I was offended by people
being offended. Then would people being offended
all the time would have to not be offended around
me because I was offended by them being offended?
Hmm. I may never know. Tomorrow morning, while
grinding your coffee beans for your double mocha
latte, remember to not get your genitals caught
in the grinder. It really hurts. And who can
afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.
People often ask, how do we cram so much money
into one little show? Well, it's simple. We buy
funny in bulk on the Internet. Hey, Mark, you're
wanted at the front door. There's a big bag of
funny they need you to sign for. Okay, thanks
a lot. I'll be right there. I'm still sorting
out the funny we got from yesterday. There's
your answer. We buy funny in bulk on the Internet.
And now we look in on the adventures of the technical
explanation guy. Oh, my. Would you look at the
Riley scattering? It sure is brilliant tonight.
First off, you're on private property. Second,
you're in my flower garden. Third, if you're
talking about the sunset, yes, it is stunning.
And finally, would you get the hell off my property,
you annoying fucking bastard? Miss Gulkenstein
was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of
her. Little did the douchebag know Ms. Gilfenstein
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. Two douchebags
and microphone in an effort to keep everything
fresh. We offer you... First world problems.
Damn it. I can't decide between nachos... Chili
or wings for the game tonight. This is bullshit.
I should not have to make decisions like this.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
I've seen salads that dress better than you.
Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark here
in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap
studio. All right. Got some emails. What'd you
say? I can hear you. No, I'm just saying, I don't
know how much I can go. Okay. My voice is giving
out, dude. Okay, well, you don't have to talk
too much here. I'll do the emails, and then we'll
see where we're at. Okay, yeah. Yeah, let's get
to the emails and shit. Okay, then we'll see
where we're at. Story -wise, I do not have the
air in me to do it. Okay, then just be the co
-host, and I'll have stuff, okay? Yeah. Yeah,
absolutely. I've got plenty of stories. Like
I said, it's been a week today I've had this
shit. Ugh. Okay. Well, yeah, save your voice.
We need you to get better. Alright, first one.
Hey guys, how about a winter version of the drink
of the week? You know, the hot toddies and white
Russians and such. Henry in Duluth. I think that's
a fantastic idea. Because I've done all, you
know, summer drinks, you know, like the Miami
Vice and the coconut mojitos and stuff like that.
So, yeah. Henry, that's a great idea. We're going
to do that. Hey, my friends. Just letting my
support for a paranormal episode. You two would
cover that well, I believe. Thanks, guys. Ronnie
and Tulsa, the Tulsa King. P .S. I will give
you my paranormal story that's unbelievable when
you launch this podcast if you do. Okay, okay,
okay. Now, he can't call in because of his job.
That's fine. But he can send me the story. Okay,
go ahead. What now? I'm going to break in with
a paranormal story right now. Okay. This house
I am moving into. Mm -hmm. Okay. And it starts
out in my new studio. Wow. Okay. We hear footsteps
upstairs. Okay, I'll go ahead and tell them.
Yeah, please do. We hear footsteps all the time
upstairs. Mm -hmm. Okay. You've got something
there. It's like they, how do I say it? It's
like they appreciated the work we were doing.
That's cool. So we find out who it is. But they
seem to appreciate. I mean, if you're replacing
the floors and you're working on a house and
that light lights up, that usually means you
have their acceptance. You know what I mean?
I've got my research. Very cool. I believe that
completely because when we lived in northeast
Kansas City, I was a young child, about five,
six. I think we moved out of there when I was
like seven. Okay. So we were living down the
road from my grandma from here, Grandma Hazel,
and she passed away. We moved up to her home.
Yeah, I did. We moved up to her home. It was
three houses up. on Kensington in northeast Kansas
City. We lived there, and routinely, every day,
we'd hear footsteps, moans, the toilet flushing,
and the sink. It was crazy. And my dad had come
home one day, and he knew his mom's, you know,
his mom's moan very well. He turned white as
a sheet. I'm like, what? He goes, I just heard
my mom moan upstairs. So we kind of believed,
like, maybe her spirit was around there. You
know, God rest her soul, Grandma Hazel. Yeah.
Now, Greece, like I said, like people know that
listen very long. We lived there for a couple
of years. And you know that in Greece, they don't
believe in cremation. You don't cremate the person.
And number two, they don't have enough room,
you know, to have a lot of bodies. So after the
flesh falls off, I'm not sure what the formula
is, they dig up your bones and put them in a
pile. Well, those bones at night have some sort
of a phosphorus gas coming off of them, and they
glow in the dark. And me being a young child
walking by the damn things at night scared the
shit out of me. It is really crazy. The phosphorus
gas that the bones emit as they're decomposing
makes them glow. So here you are walking by a
bunch of skulls and bones and shit, and they're
glowing. All right. All right. I'm going to go
back to this. Hey, Mark. I actually found a cartoon
set of the original Sabbath members on coffee
mugs. The mugs came out in the 70s by an English
company. I found them by accident in an estate
sale. I did not get them cheap, but I do believe
they're worth quite a bet. Chelsea in Charleston.
You know, Chelsea, you're very lucky. I tried
to get those for years. I could not. There is
a limited edition. They were only sold in England.
There was a cartoon show featuring Black Sabbath
back in the early 70s in England. That's where
these coffee mugs came from. It was a cartoon
character of each one of them. Ozzie, Geezer,
Tony, and Bill Ward. I tried to get those for
years, and I couldn't. Chelsea, you are extremely
lucky. Hold on to those. Oh, yeah? What kind?
They were the Army's edition. You know, the Army's
food chain edition. Yeah. Of Woody Woodpecker.
Oh! No, get this. 1976. Wow, and that was...
That's freaking cool. Where'd you find that at?
You ain't gonna believe it. Okay. Trade Fair,
Harrisonville. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just south of
Harrisonville. Well, actually, it is. I told
you, I told you me and Purchase went there. Mm
-hmm, yeah. Yeah, I picked him up there. I'm
gonna have to go. Dude, they got all kinds of
shit. The one thing I'm looking for is the Duke
of Hazzard metal lunchbox. That's what I was
looking for the whole time I was there. I found
everything but that. You know how they are. They
got everything. So I didn't get it. You know
what? I know who to get a hold of. If I can find
them, do you want me to get them for you? Okay.
All right. I'll send them a message. Oh, freaking
awesome. Okay. All right. That sounds great.
Thank you. Yes. I still get people bitching about
it. I still have your old shirt that I bought
that had the wrong email when I bought it. That's
an old story. Go back and listen. Wow. Okay.
Let's see. What the hell is I going to say? I'm
sorry. I'm sorry, my voice. No, no, no, no. It's
fine. It's fine. You're doing great. All right.
I'm trying to get back on track here. Sorry.
Rob, could you give me your stink bait recipe?
Your stink bait recipe. I need to fish out the
Massey Creek Arm of Lake Freeman before we take
wanded husks and seining nets to it. Rob, could
you also bring a boombox because loud godsmack
scares off the snakes, even the timber rattlers
and water moccasins? Mitch, Lake Freeman Boat
and Firearm Council. Any reply? Oh, I know that
recipe. But I'll tell you what. A human can eat
it. Yes. And actually, catfish love it. Yes.
I know what you're talking about. I used to make
it myself. It was the best thing to fish for
catfish with. Oh, my God. Yeah. And you can eat
it for dinner if you want, Mitch. Yeah. You can
sit there. You can eat half for the fish, half
for you. There you go, Mitch. It's wide open
for you. All right. His email is on the Douchebags
Facebook page. Send him one. Break him off one.
And you can even do a fake one if you're still
trying to keep this ruse up about not knowing
who you are. Just make up an email somewhere
and send it to him. All right. Rob, I now understand
the history of your loincloth. Very interesting.
I used to frequent McCock's. That place was a
dump. Were you the guy that could tie his wiener
in a knot? I hope not. That guy gave me the clap.
Jerry in Boonville Detention Center. Have you
heard the origin of Rob's loincloth? Boonville
what? Detention Center. Jerry in Boonville Detention
Center. Have you heard the new... That would
be Missouri. Yes. Very well could be. Who knows?
I would say... San Jerry. Have you heard the
bit... I read that. Too many people won't check
out one concert. Well, the story is, if you haven't
heard it, is Rob, the story of Rob's loincloth
is he was a dancer at a... strip club called
McCock's he was the only new one and he was getting
all the business so the other ones grew envious
of Rob and they made him put on a loincloth so
the question is Rob were you the guy that could
tie his wiener in the knot and did you give Jerry
the clap okay yes I could tie my wiener in the
knot but no I could never have had the clap Jerry
You must have got it from somewhere else. So
there you go. All right. Hey, guys. Just wanted...
These fuckers are warped. They are warped. That
was great. And McCox is... McCox is shut down,
Rob. I'm sorry. Yeah, he's gone. McCox is gone.
Yep. Damn it. I know. I owe her $150. Oh, not
now. Hey, guys, just wanted to touch base real
quick. Grandma Opal is... He fried me one before
I got to the hospital. All right. Hey, guys,
just wanted to touch base real quick. Grandma
Opal is stable but not doing real well. I really
do not wish to get into her health issues, but
we just request... Prayers, please. Thank you,
Jimmy and Dodge City. It's not real good, Rob.
Okay, okay. Yeah. Jimmy, Jimmy, straight up,
honest, let Mark, email Mark how to get there,
where she's at. We'll come down and visit her.
I want to come see her. I do, too. Send us in.
I will take a day off work if I have to. Rob
and I both will. I want to meet Grandma Opal.
I do, too. I do, too. But she's stable. She's
stable. She's not, per se, in, like, imminent
danger, but there's a lot of things going against
her, and it sucks. But still, let us know how
we can get there. So we can see her. I'm already
working on that, Rob. And we will keep it off
the air. Yeah. Yep. And also, she's got all her
prayers. Yeah, I want to meet Grandma. I really
do. Okay, on this last email, I edited the name
of the radio show because, well, I'll get to
it here. Mark, there's a radio show in Kansas
City I'm sure listens and copies subjects from
your show. Julie in Parkville. Really? Okay.
Julie in Parkville. I think it's Julie, wasn't
it? Julie in Parkville. Yeah, it is. Okay. Julie
in Parkville. I don't think there's copying going
on, and here's why. I'll listen to, like, let's
say Bubba the Love Sponge. I still listen to
him when I get a chance, and I'll listen to shows
from, like, a week ago trying to catch up. And
they'll have subjects that we just covered like
the day before, but I didn't listen to them.
They were subjects I found on my own. We all
cover the same subjects. All of these shows that
do stuff like this cover the same subjects primarily.
So I don't think there's copying. It's just like
I've got a lot of comparisons to a couple of
shows that were around. And the thing is, is
I'm not trying to copy anybody. These are influences.
These are influences of ours. We listened to
these shows growing up. We loved them. So, of
course, we're going to sound kind of like that.
You know, I love the skits and bits. This is
what I like to do. This is what Rob likes to
do. We like to try to make funny. We do skits
and bits and make fun of stuff. We're smartasses.
And I appreciate you watching out for us, Julie.
It's very nice of you to bring that up that it's
going on. But no, I mean, honestly, I don't believe
it's going on. I think that... No, I don't think
so. We're not big enough for a radio station
to cover us. No, no. They're not listening to
us and then transcribing nothing or whatever
or just getting the idea. But thank you. They're
jealous of us. Yeah. Yeah, because we can say,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah, the
FCC. We don't. For now. You never know. For now.
Yeah. Here we go on the for now again. Yeah,
yeah. One day the government might come in and
go, well, we've got to censor the Internet. It's
just getting out of control. And I'm afraid they're
going to use AI as the... I was talking about
my... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I know
you were. I know you were. I was going to a different
area there. So, all right. Let's take our second
break, and if you have the voice, we'll come
back with some of your stuff. If not, I got plenty
of shit. Sound good? Yeah, yeah. I got one I
want to do. It's one that I covered. Is this
your bag of garbage? Anyway, let's go to it.
Do you want to go to it now, or do you want to
take a break and then go to it? Okay. All right.
We'll be right back. So you want proof that we
love you here at QD Spades and Microphone Central?
Here's a proof right here about the drink of
the week. Hey, sporty pants. How about a black
currant margarita? 24 ounces tequila. The best
or wild goat. 20 ounces cream big cassay. 96
ounce big bucket margarita mixer. Garnished with
lined wheels. Served in a tall Poland's glass.
Combining ingredients with Big Buffy. Stir, seal,
and open the vent. Freeze and serve. Enjoy, poggers.
Have at it. Christopher, you know our elaborate
prank section, right? Mm -hmm. Okay, well, I've
got one for you. I never told you about Babble
Snatch, have I? No. Okay, even if I did, just
say I didn't know that. He knows nothing about
Babelsnatch. Yeah, I would think I would remember
a name like Babelsnatch. Okay. Well, Babelsnatch,
this is back in the 80s, probably mid -80s, best
guess. Could have been 87 at the latest, but
anyhow. Yeah, I used to go to the 7 -Eleven in
Belvedere, which isn't there now. It was knocked
down and then replaced. Way later by a quick
trip. But anyhow, I used to go in there all the
time and, you know, go in there and buy sodas
and shit and whatever, you know. Rolling papers
for my friends, not for me. And anyhow, you know,
just shit like that. anyhow there's this guy
in there he i don't know you know i think he
hated long hairs or something but hey i noticed
he was nice to everybody but me like i'd be like
third in line and anyhow you know the first guy
hey mr jones how you doing oh man yeah nice weather
hey how's the kid you know next person Hi, Loretta.
How you doing? Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's
going good, man. I got the old Taurus running
really good. Yeah, yeah. Come by, man. The old
Taurus. Yeah, you know. I come up there. 142.
So, how you doing? 142. Okay, here you go. And
I'm like, what the hell? How come this guy hates
me? And every time I go in there, nice as pie
to everybody but me, it's like, just like, yeah,
it'd be 249. So, uh, weather's pretty nice out
there. Thanks. Bye. Motherfucker. So he did this
so many times and he just never talked to me.
Wouldn't even like hardly look at me, you know?
So, and I never did nothing to this fucker that
I know of, you know, maybe someone said something
like this guy said, you know, that you're a dick
or maybe someone's screwing with him. Like, Hey
man, he thinks you got a nice ass. Whatever the
fucking deal was, the guy was just a complete
tool bag to me constantly. So I was like, all
right, bitch. So I go home, and I think about
it. I'm like, okay. So I start calling up, and
I go, hey, you got any Babbel Snatch gum? What?
Babbel Snatch. I mean, everybody. I bought it
from there a couple weeks ago. Stuff is fucking
awesome, man. I'll tell you what, man, talk to
your manager about it. Is this like a breath
freshening gum? I don't, you know. Maybe a bubble
gum? I just came up with it. And anyhow, the
guy, he bid on it, you know. He was like, oh,
yeah, I'll check on it for you. That's awesome.
Hey, thanks, man. I appreciate it. So anyhow,
so I called back a little bit later. Yeah, someone
called earlier, you know. And anyhow, I'm sure
we have it here somewhere. But, you know, I'll
talk to my manager about it tonight, and we'll
see what we can do. So anyhow. I have a couple
other people call it about babble snatch gum
and, you know, and they're like, yeah, yeah,
yeah. You know, we're, we're working on getting
it in. Okay. You know, the regional manager,
we called him and he said that he was going to
work on getting it in here. And, and I go, well,
you know, I bought it the other day and it's
just so good. And they believe me. I go, man,
this gum is just so great tasting. And he's like,
it's babble snatch, right? Yeah. Babble snatch.
That's the name of it. Okay. All right. I would
have loved to listen to another conversation
when he's asking the regional manager. about
Babble Snatch. Oh, yeah. So, you know, anyhow.
I called down there the next day, and I go, hey,
man, you know, you got that babble snatch gum?
You know, the guy's like, oh, hang on, hang on.
I think it's in. We just had a load. Hang on.
So, anyhow, so the guy's like, you know, and
this is the guy I hated, the Paul guy. So, anyhow,
he's like, yeah, hang on a second. So, I hear
him like, yeah, hey, I'm going to go to the back
there, and it's in one of the boxes. They said
it was coming in today. So, all right, no big
deal. So, I hear him go back there. I hear some
rustling, and a couple people come in. Then he
stops. He goes up there. Oh, yeah, it'll be 1242.
Okay, thank you. Have a good day. And then he
helps someone else. I hear him go back again.
I hear him wrestling through some more boxes.
Meanwhile, I'm laughing my ass off. Anyhow, this
guy, he like for like 20 minutes is looking for
babble snatch gum. so anyhow so like finally
like a half hour later he comes back he goes
man he goes look i know we're gonna have it in
by the end of the day i talked to my manager
okay all right man all right i'll come in tonight
and i'll get some gum man save some for me man
okay My name's Billy. I'll be in. Okay, okay,
all right. I'll save you some babble snatch gum.
No problem. So a couple hours later, I call up
and I talk to the manager. The manager's like,
yeah, yeah, I ordered some a couple days ago
and it should be in. If it's not in right now,
it's going to be in by the end of the day. I
guarantee you. So I don't know how the hell they
ordered it because there was no such thing as
babble snatch gum. I made the shut up and all
of a sudden, I mean, everybody wanted this fucking
babble snatch gum. And it never did exist. Matter
of fact, this prank. got so good to where i ended
up this is you know in the 80s before digital
cameras even let alone you know there are phone
cameras and all the you know photoshop and everything
no internet no we had to like cut stuff out of
wrappers and stuff and make a fake babble snatch
gum and take an old fashion fashion like Polaroid
type of picture. Oh, yeah. I forgot what it was.
It could have been one of those little box cameras
back then. Probably the only thing I could afford,
you know. Hey, we actually took a picture of
the Babble Snatch gum. And a guy went in there.
He goes, hey, man, I need this. The guy's like,
I know, I know, I know, man. We're working on
getting it in. It's hard to get, man. Everybody
wants this Babble Snatch gum. So, anyhow, I guess
the whole moral of the story is don't be a dick
to me because then I'll do something like that.
And even now, to this day, I'll have a couple
people on my friends list every now and then
like, send me a little message. He'll go, Babble
Snatch. I'm like, ah! I remember one time I was
like working up in fucking New York or something
and all of a sudden I get a ding and like I'm
on top of this fucking skyscraper they were putting
in glass and I look down and it says Babble Snatch.
I'm like, fuck! I'm up there dying in this glass
about ready to fall and kill a hundred people.
They recover your body and they look at your
phone. Well, the last text you received said
Babble Snatch. We better look into this. By some
guy named Dirtbag. Yeah. So anyhow, that is my
elaborate prank section of this. Unless we throw
some more in there. But anyhow, Babble Snatch.
Never forget it. His name lives on. Next time
you take a dump, listen to two douchebags and
a microphone. It's been proven in laboratory
rats to relax your anal canal. Get in cover.
Sir, I see your qualifications here. May I ask
some further questions that could help me determine
your employment eligibility? Yes, sir. I'm ready.
Well, as you can see here, we have a large population
of different ethnic backgrounds, sexuality, and
ages. Are you by chance bilingual? Well, sir,
I'm not sure why you need that kind of information,
but, well, it was only one time in summer camp.
I considered it experimental. Hey, good kid,
no one gives an ounce of shit what you had for
breakfast. Not even the person on the other end.
You look like a mentally slow driv yelling into
thin air all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What
men consider self -centered dunce. Bonnie constantly
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look
back home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably
forgot the theme and because you're too busy
looking in the mirror all day. Fuck off. Next
up, things overheard in hell. Great news. William
Hung's world tour has been extended. Yes, it's
true. Mark is an old bastard. It's also true
that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would
like to tell you, if you see any pictures of
him roofing ibuprofen, it's obviously fake, and
you're to take the pictures and tear them up
immediately. Now, from his underground bunker
in Camden, Missouri, stocked full of dried goods,
canned food, and a couple of vibrating toys,
is Ramblings of a Madman, featuring Rob Rad.
My mechanic told me I couldn't repair your brakes.
So I made you one letter. Good job. Hey there,
slap nuts. It's time for the Creeps Music News.
Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny
Rohypnol with your music news. Sepultura guitarist
Andreas Kaiser spoke about the band's plans to
release new music with Sepultura's current touring
drummer, 23 -year -old Grayson Neckerman. who
officially replaced Sepultura's longtime drummer,
Elroy Casagrande, in February 2024. He said,
as transcribed by BlackRoute .net, we recorded
four new songs with Grayson on drums. I don't
think anybody knows that, but there you go. We
have four new songs, and we have the intention
next year to release them in an EP. This is Johnny
Rohypnol. That was your music news, and remember,
bar chords are bullshit. Two douchebags and microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the
Talk is Cheap studio. That's right, bitches.
Eat your heart out. Okay, not from the Speedway,
a block and a half from the Speedway. I didn't
specify that. That's from the Speedway, in my
opinion, but it's close enough. I'm not on the
property. I'm just a block and a half away. You
know what? You're right. You need to specify
that. You're right. So before someone freaks
out and goes, you're not there. I don't want
to trespass in Georgia when I'm not even there.
You're not there, Rob. I know you're not there.
I know the owner, and he says you're not there.
I can see someone doing that. I've got a Jeffy
X, too, but go ahead. I mean, we may do it next
time. It depends on how you feel, Rob. So go
ahead with yours. Okay, well, I got... Okay,
this is the second part of my Lake Harriet news.
Okay. Okay. That's it? Well, that's what is atoning
for. Oh, okay, okay. Okay, I mean, that's better.
I don't know if that's just, but that's better.
Okay, well, here's why I want to talk about this
story. Okay. Okay, fair enough. Okay. On his
own porch. Geez. Yeah. Well, actually, Michael
had inherited that property from his mom who
had just passed. Wow. Boy, that's unfortunate.
Yeah. Yeah. And so he takes his dude in, and
that's what happens. Yeah. Wow. Okay. But the
good thing about Jordan was we would have worse
because he'd be stupid. You know, but then you
got an old dog like me. I ain't back in that
either. No, yeah, I know that. We would get into
it. And either later that day or the next morning,
Jordan would come up and apologize to me. Okay,
cool. And I appreciate that every time. Yeah,
I would too. Yes, he's a dumbass. He had problems.
But I appreciate the way he apologized to me.
Yeah, I hear that. Yeah, I got you. Well, that
sucks. Yeah, that was my second poem, Lake of
the Arabics. Well, I can't say Lake of the Arabics
because that is a K -R -M -S. I don't know what
I'm going to call it. Late news. Wow. Okay. Well,
thank you. No, thank you for that story. Matter
of fact, the day Michael got fired, he was my
helper. Wow. Yeah, so, and then a month later,
this happens. That sucks. Yeah, it was all over
the dispute. Yeah. And the roommates, you know.
Oh yeah, I get it. No, I know. Yep. Do you want
to end this? It's 9 -17, or do you want to keep
going? You got something else? I ain't got my
voice up, as you can tell. Okay. I can save the
Jeffy X for next time. I don't want to do Jeffy,
or whatever. Okay, all right. Well, I guess it
won't hurt your voice if I do it, so I just want
to conserve your voice for the next podcast,
hopefully. Yeah, we'll see. All right. Well,
you love presents, but wish the wrapping paper
had a better smell? Oh, God, yes. No need to
fear. Cinnabon has created Cinnabon scented wrapping
paper just for the holiday season. And I really
do like this idea like you do, Rob. But not to
leave anything unturned, Jeffy X has a list of
wrapping paper scents. that have failed. How
about that, Rob? Okay, but just my opinion, just
so I can say it. Yeah. Cinnamon would be the
best spelling representation. Oh, I agree. I
agree 100%. When I heard this, I was like, yeah.
Cinnamon, yes, perfect. Yep. Jeffy X is our sleuth
that goes into these different focus groups in
disguise, and he gets this information that they
don't want us to have. And he brings us back
these lists of products or ideas that have failed.
And these companies are after him, so he has
to always be in disguise. And I gave him $3 ,000,
I think, so he could either buy it on hookers
and cocaine or get something for his mom. Oh,
it was $2 ,500. Okay, thank you. And Rob was
much nicer than me and much more thoughtful than
I. He got Rob a flying bat suit. Rob is an expert
embroiderer, and he embroidered him a flying
bat suit. He embroidered him a bunch of, well,
now a bunch, but at the time, one Sgt. Pepper's
Beatles outfit. Yeah, well, he's going to have
one for every day of the week because he refuses
to take that off. The Sergeant Pepper's outfit,
the suits that the Beatles donned on the album
cover. So he loves that thing and he won't take
it off. Now it's pitch black and it smells horrible.
And then Rob made him a pair of Jeffy X underwear.
An X on the front of it and Jeffy on the back
of it. But inside... these underwear that he
embroidered him, he put in a special Steven Piercy
pouch. You want to know what Steven Piercy pouch
is? Steven Piercy, the lead singer of the glam
band Rat, supposedly used to have a pouch worn
inside of his spandex to where he could put a
sock or two in there to look a little bit better
to some females and maybe some gay males, right?
So we're sure that Jeffy X doesn't need to use
that pouch. But in case he ever wants a little
enhancement, Rob was kind enough to put that
in his underwear. Right, Rob? Yeah, well, Iron
Man went over the top this year for Jeffy. Uh
-oh. Well, we'll find out Christmas. So this
is a list of the wrapping paper scents that failed
from the wrapping paper companies. The first
one... The first one that failed is Dirty Diaper.
Oh, definitely. Yeah, you think so? You think
they're spot on? Oh, my God, yeah, yeah. Oh,
my God. I can taste it now. That's one of them
smells you can taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
something that's such a... That's like the flaming
turds. Yep, that's like the popping flaming turds
that permeate your hair and clothes and skin.
All right, the second one that failed is spoiled
milk. I agree with that. Yeah, I think so. The
next one that failed the focus panels, and I
think I kind of agree with this one too, burning
rubber. No. No. Oh, Lucas Oil. I agree with it.
No, no, no. I want burning rubber. Okay. The
next one that failed to focus panels, and this
is wrapping paper scents. I have no argument
with you at all. I don't mind the smell of burning
rubber either. I love burning rubber. I'm not
arguing with you, Rob. I get it. All right. Come
on. Yeah. Yep. The next one is cat urine. I think
I would have to agree with that one, too. What
do you think? Oh, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. So that
wrapping paper scent failed. Yep, yep. Gone.
The next one would be lacquer thinner. Yeah.
Yeah, I know you work with it, too. No. No? That
would be perfect. Lacquer thinner? Okay. All
right. I'll let you have that one. I don't necessarily
like it. Well, think about the cousins, everybody
that you don't like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. See how
much fun you can have now. Yeah. Okay. I changed
my vote. You got me? Yeah. I changed my vote.
Lack of dinner is fine. All I want to do for
people I don't like is invent a jack -in -the
-box when they open it up and it punches them
in the fucking midsection. Right in the nuts.
Exactly. You open it up and it goes, Yeah, it
goes, Yeah, that's my dream of the perfect gift
to someone I don't like. Like, hey, look, a jack
-in -the -box. Yeah. um the next one yeah lacquer
dinner is pretty tough stuff that's for sure
um the next one that i have would be tuna casserole
um i hate tuna i hate fish so i would have to
agree would have to agree you rob Okay, that's
fine. I'm not budging off tuna casserole. Lacquer
thinner, I agree with you after you explained
it. Tuna casserole, no. It was a tuna casserole.
It was one of Mom's staple meals. I understand
that nostalgia, and it was good, and all that.
So, okay. Let's move on. All right. Chicken house.
Anyone that's driven by a chicken house will
know what we're saying. Is that not a rancid
-ass smell? Okay. Next one would be toe crust.
I never smelt toe crust, but I imagine it would
be pretty rancid. What do you think, Rob? I have,
but I'm not going to mention where. Okay. Because
it was in the family. Uh -huh. Okay. Okay. The
next one that failed of wrapping paper scents
would be Jägermeister. I got an argument with
that one. Listen, I don't necessarily like this.
Nothing says Christmas more than Jägermeister.
You know, I just don't get it. Yes. Yep. That's
what helps you survive through Christmas. Actually,
I could use a couple. Yeah. Just for a couple.
Oh, gotcha, gotcha. I got what you're saying.
All right. Okay. Hi, Hicksville. Hi, Albuquerque.
Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Thanks,
everybody, for listening. Good night, assholes.
You're not the only one. And I will make the
trip after December 1st. Okay. I get married
the 28th of November. I got a busy schedule.
But I definitely, I want to meet Grandma Opal
before I make my trip to Novoland. There you
go, Jimmy. Send in your information, please.
Grandma Opal. Yeah, not too long after you come
aboard, Grandma Opal made her presence known.
Well, Jimmy, but yeah. I love you, Grandma Opal.
We love you. And I want to meet you. And I will
make that trip. And as long as Jimmy gets Mark
the information, then Mark will get it to me.
Yep. All right. All right. Did you say your goodbyes,
Rob? I'll shut this off. Good night, assholes.
All right, everybody. I'm sorry I missed last
week, but I think you can understand now. I don't
know what's going on with my voice, but I'm going
to work on it. There we go. I love everybody,
and we will talk to you next time. Yep. Whack,
whack. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like
the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.