Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come
on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon
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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since
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Not like all those other guys. We can and will
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attention, everyone. You've just landed in the
island of horrible jokes. Our first joke is coming
right up. I broke my finger last week. On the
other hand, I'm okay. Strange, but true. Morgan
Freeman wears earrings worth $60 ,000. This is
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sewage per week. Hi there. This is your ears.
Why are you listening to this garbage? I thought
we were friends. What'd they say? Totally did
nothing. Live from his underground bunker underneath
the Little Blue River, another exciting episode
of Ask Mr. Creepy. That's right, pilgrims. I'm
here for all your questions. Email me at mrcreepy72
at mindspring .com. Talk to you then, bitches.
Mr. Creepy, I had a question for you. I was in
a public restroom. the other day at a restaurant
and, and I was peeing and, and the guy in the
urinal next to me, he just was paying a lot more
attention to me than him. And he was, I hate
to say it, but he was meat, meat gazing. Oh my.
So. So what you're saying is, is he was deliberately
looking at your penis while he was pissing. Yes.
So not even looking at his. No. Just always yours.
Yeah. He made eye contact with it. Well, number
one, we must... admit that it's perfectly normal
to look at another penis, you know, because some
people, you know, have that little bottle cap
head. Some of them, you know, they got a little
thimble. Some of them, you know, they got a huge
shaft and a little bottle cap head. Or they got
the opposite, a little shaft and a huge head.
You know, some are kind of discolored. Some have
a huge pee hole. You just never know what you're
going to run into. So I think it's perfectly
natural to look over there and go, oh my God,
that guy's so big. But oh, oh my. Look at that.
Oh, God played such a trick on that guy. Oh,
geez. That huge man with that small penis. Oh,
God. Can you imagine looking down at that every
day and going, why me? Why did this have to happen
to me? This is utter bullshit. But anyhow, Mr.
Creepy has some pretty good ideas of how you
can get through this. Number one. You look him
up in the eyes. You look back down at your penis.
You look back up to let him know that you know
that he's looking at your penis. And then you
look him in the face again and you go, oh my,
look, the scabs have healed. And if that doesn't
work, you get a real confident look on your face.
You look back down at your junk. You look him
right in the eyes. You look back at your junk.
You get a little wry grin. And you go, I have
an extension. And you've said, Minkhazer, just
keep staring. I've got another one for you. Once
again. Just takes a little gazing at you and
a little gazing in his eyes and a little gazing
at yourself and a little gazing in his eyes and
you go, tell your girlfriend, you certainly seem
impressed. Or Mr. Creepy's personal favorite.
Now this one, if this guy doesn't leave on this
one, get the fuck out of there. Because that
guy has got something really wrong with him.
You look down at your penis. You look back in
his face. You squint your eyes and you say, oh
my, I ate too much buffalo sauce. My pee -pee
mess sure burns my eyes. If that guy doesn't
run the fuck out of there, he's a fucking psychopath.
He's going to fucking kill you. He's going to
kill you and he's going to wear your penis. You
get the fuck out of there because that guy is
no good. Oh my, okay. You go through them with
all those steps because of said penile gazer.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Creepy out.
Let's see. I derailed everything because we talked
a long time on one subject, and I was like, you
know what? Let's move on to some other stuff,
man. All right. All right, let's see. Oh, did
you ever come up with your invisible? No. Hey
everybody, this is Mark and I'm doing a solo
cast tonight because Rob has laryngitis and he
cannot join us because, well, he could join us
but you wouldn't hear him. So he's going to go
ahead and take tonight off and you're going to
have me instead. My sincerest apologies. Nah,
not really. All right. I have a featured email
that I did want to go into because it's going
to be somewhat cumbersome. So this would be a
good time to do it right now. The featured email
is, well, I think they wouldn't solicit the podcast
very much at all. They actually know that, you
know, I used to go out of town quite a bit for
work. And so I used to rate. The places I went
to, coffee and bagels and stuff like that, you
know. I did some restaurants, but not very many.
It's mainly coffee houses that I raided when
I was out of town. And I have quite a few of
them. And it's on Instagram. And it's like the
food dude or something like that. But it's since,
I don't know what happened to it. It's no longer
around. So, this person here. And you know what?
I don't. It's been so long. I think the name
was. She was, I can't think of what, Tracy or
something like, or Trace or something like that.
Well, whoever you were, I'm sorry, I apologize,
but I don't have the whole email here. I just
have my answers here, and I don't know what I
did with the whole email, because this is about
a month ago when it came in. So I'm going to
go ahead, and this was going to be the featured
email, so now I'm going to get into it. And this
is Mark. Would you rate the best airports in
the worst? I would also like a best and worst
resort style hotel, please. I know you have traveled
a lot in the past. Please not Europe or the Mediterranean,
just U .S. and Caribbean only. We will not make
it anywhere else. Thank you. James in Shreveport,
Louisiana. And this is like the third email we've
gotten from Shreveport in about, I don't know,
a month and a half. So I don't know what whatever
we're doing down there. Thank you. I appreciate
it, and I really doubt if anyone remembers one
of the characters I played on that Biscuits with
Dan and Stan that I believe it was syndicated
in Shreveport back in the early 90s, and I used
to call in for CDs to do different characters.
And I don't think that's why people in Shreveport
are listening to this podcast. I don't think
that any of them ever remember any of that. That
show was abysmal. But it's free CDs. Until I
had to get a real job. So, okay. Best airports.
Number one, I would say, is Albuquerque International.
Not only do they have this museum of old planes.
It's not really like an aeronautics. It's like
a classic airplane. They're all hanging from
the ceiling. And it's easy to get in and out
of. It's not a huge airport, but it's beautiful
and it's newer. And you can get in and out of
it really easily. I mean, there's just not that
much traffic there. It is really cool and it's
really neat. It's overlooking the mountains.
You can look to the north and see the San Juan
Mountains. It's beautiful. So I would rate Albuquerque
International as number one. Number two, I'm
going to say, is Logan Airport in Boston. I love
that airport. I've never had a bad experience
there. Now that I've said that, I probably will.
But it's not a huge airport either, but it gets
a lot of traffic because that's Boston's main
airport. It's clean. It's neat. It's orderly.
Everything is in good areas. It's not hard to
get to any of them. For instance, like Miami
is one of my worst airports. And that's because
if you take Southwest or the wrong one, you have
to literally go around the side of the building.
I couldn't believe it the first time that we
left out of Miami. And we got there, Fort Lauderdale,
and we left out of Miami. And the bus that took
us there from the cruise terminal, dropped us
off literally in like this yard a little ways
away from the airport, and they gave us instructions.
They said, okay, go through that yard and go
over there and find that sidewalk over there
and then go in the side. And then they had that
door locked, so we had to find another door.
By this time, the bus was already gone, so we
had no one to ask. So Logan Airport, everything's
there, neat, tidy, easy getting out of. Number
three, Fort Lauderdale International. It's a
big airport, but it's been remodeled, and also
they added on huge sections of it. It's getting
a lot of traffic because a lot of people are
like me. They don't like to go through Miami
International. It sucks. So, Fort Lauderdale
International. The only thing is, you land on
the roof on certain planes. That's a little freaky.
It looks like you're going to fly right off the
edge of that damn thing, but you don't. They
always stop on time. I mean, I guess they could
go over the edge. Everyone I've been on, obviously,
I'm still here. It didn't happen. But whenever
they land on the roof there, it's kind of freaky,
especially when they first did that. You know,
when they came up with the new part and all that,
I was like, what the hell is going on here? And
I'm like, oh, shit, we're landing. And then I
realized, wait a minute, this is a runway. So,
anyhow. All right, number four, Midway Chicago.
Midway Chicago isn't a huge airport. Everything
is where it's supposed to be. Southwest is one
area, Midway is another, or not Midway, but Americans
in another area. Everything is in its area. It's
not like a heartfelt airport in Atlanta where
everything is in different buildings. One time
I arrived late at Atlanta Hartsfield International,
and I didn't have enough time to make the connecting
flight, but I didn't know it. I go there and
I go, okay, this is Delta and this is A something.
So I'm going, I'm transferring on Delta. So where
is this? I was thinking it's going to be right
next door, you know, because I was A's and I
thought B's was right next door there. But B
was in a completely different building way down
there. And I'm like, hey, where can I get to
B12 or whatever? And the guy goes, you see that
building way down there? Yeah. How the hell did
I get there? So they have this train that goes
around. But because I was so late, they actually
gave me service there in a little buggy. And
they held the plane up. Everybody was mad, but
I didn't give a shit. I was just like, fuck you
guys. So anyhow, my plane was held up. I can't
remember where. But wherever I came from, the
plane was held up. Okay, number five is Love
Field, Dallas, for the same reasons as Midway.
It's smaller. Everything is right there where
it should be. No surprises. It's not that far
to walk from one area to another. So if you're
getting a connecting flight and it's on the same
airline, you don't have any problems. It's right
there. You're not going to a different building
like Atlanta. So, all right, that's my top five
there. Worst airports. Number one, Atlanta Hartsfield
International. Like I said before, that thing
blows. It's huge and there's no direction. There
is no rhyme or reason. of how they built it or
whatever you know it doesn't make any sense number
two dfw international dallas and that's because
that sky links if you miss your uh if you miss
your uh point to get off at because it hurries
it just flies everywhere but it takes you another
20 minutes to get around so if you miss where
you're supposed to get off let's say it's like
d12 you're supposed to get off or whatever um
if you miss that You're on there another 20 minutes.
A lot of people miss it because it's easy to
on Skylinks. It goes so quick. So and then also
Dallas is spread out. It's huge and they have
a lot of dead ends in there. It's hard to describe.
If you've been there, you know what I mean. Number
three, Miami International for everything I said
before. And also it is just it is the weirdest
damn airport. It's it's I don't know. It is a
strange airport. The the. Outline of it is wrong
to me. Everything is just not where it should
be. It's confusing, and it's huge. Number four,
Denver International. Denver's weird because
they have certain flights that you have to walk
out on the tarmac for, and these are the smaller
flights. Val and I had to go to my nephew's wedding
in Grand Junction, Colorado. Because of my lack
of vacation time at that point, We had to take
a flight all the way there, so I couldn't drive
from Denver to Grand Junction or Albuquerque
to Grand Junction because of five hours either
one, or Utah or one of those. It was just way
too far. So we had to take a smaller flight from
Denver to Grand Junction, and that was the actual
terminal. where you got on or the actual, where
the boarding area is actually outside on the
tarmac. And we're like looking for D53 or something.
And we're walking around going, hey, there's
51, there's 52, there's 54. What happened to
53? And the guy goes, you have to go down these
stairs here. And so we went down the stairs and
then we see a door. And we're like, well, where's
this go? And he go, well, go out the door. See
that plane over there? Go stand in line there.
It's like, okay. So, anyhow, Denver is weird.
And it's out in the middle of nowhere, too. I
mean, there's like nothing out there. It's crazy.
So, at number five, LAX. Anyone that's been to
Los Angeles International, they know. It is a
sucky -ass airport. So, I mean, it's busy. It's
congested. There's a lot of thieves there. It's
dirty. I'm just like, I don't like LAX at all.
So, and it's very confusing. The layout is very
confusing. So, how about worst resort style hotel?
Number one, in my opinion, my opinion, Ocean
Beach Palace Fort Lauderdale. I thought that
place was a dump. Glass bottles smashed, people
selling drugs. It looked like they were out in
the parking lot. I don't know what the hell they
were. A family of just, I don't know, just some
really looking grub -worm looking people out
there, all bloated and stuff, jumping around,
like throwing bottles around, screaming. We opened
up the window there to see all the commotion.
They're just out there screaming and hooting
and hollering at people and stuff. It was like,
geez. And then when I booked it, I couldn't get
my money back because I was like, hey, this is
nothing like... What happened is there was a
weather event in Kansas City. It was during the
winter, and there was a big winter storm coming
in, so they canceled all flights to Kansas City.
So we had to stay an extra two days in Fort Lauderdale
area, which... It's not bad. I mean, we're like,
OK, cool. But I had to book something on the
fly there right there in the airport because
we got to the airport and we waited half a day.
Then they canceled everything. So we're like,
OK, well, we're going to have to stay another
couple of days. No big deal. So it's like, oh,
shit, we don't have a place to stay. So I had
to book something right then. And then when I
booked something right then, I booked the wrong
one because the pictures they have are beautiful.
It looks like angels and harps and everybody's
singing. You get there and it's hell and brimstone
and fire. So to me, I hate that place. Comfort
Inn on Kings Highway, Boca Raton, Florida. And
that is because some of the people I was working
with had their drug dealer jump over the fence
and it was really crazy. And then a runaway was
there. It was just nuts. And this is all my opinion.
I'm sure other people have had great experiences
there. Mine was not too much. I mean, in Comfort
Inn, it was just kind of run down. But the good
thing is, it was a mile away from Red Reef Beach,
which is a beautiful beach. And I was sitting
out there one evening after work. And about 40
teenagers, male and female, come by twerking
on the beach. While I'm sitting there on the
bench, I'm sitting there watching the sunset.
And all of a sudden, they just come out of nowhere.
Just started twerking. I'm like, this is fucking
interesting. I got video of it somewhere. I put
it up, but anyhow. All right. Number three, Best
Western near Louis Armstrong Park in New Orleans,
I think is a Best Western. If I remember correctly,
I was not impressed with that hotel at all. It
was stuffy. The windows were like really narrow
and small. They had the whole, what would you
call it? waiting area wherever you walk in you
know when you walk in and where you wait out
there it's just congested with all this stuff
so anyhow so um the lobby i guess i guess that
would have been the lobby the hotel lobby is
just had all kinds of stuff there and it's just
it's just i didn't care for it at all uh number
four motel six in san jose south that thing was
a dump and then they had a breakfast place right
next to it That only opened up for three hours
a day. I don't know how they stayed in business.
It was crazy. But they did have good breakfast
there. We went there. We had the ability to go
there one time because work was canceled. I forgot
why. So we went there and we're like, oh, I remember
why. We ran out of material. They were sending
more. And that breakfast place is good for only
being open three hours a day. So at number five,
Sandpiper Hotel. All this my opinion. Look. You
guys go try them out. I didn't like them. So,
Sandpiper Hotel in Galveston, Texas. Didn't care
for that. Little, stale, sterile hotel on Galveston
Beach. I don't really, I gotta, full disclosure,
I don't really care for Galveston Beach very
much. To me, it's a glorified lake in the Ozarks.
It's that kind of watercolor, kind of greenish.
Not that. And the beach is rough, and I just
don't like it. The only good thing is there's
a lot of dolphins in that area. And if you take
the ferry to Louisiana from Galveston Island,
you can also see a lot of dolphins on the ferry
because the dolphins follow the ferry around.
All right, they like to show off to us people.
They see us oohing and aahing, and they shake
their tail feathers, and they love it. That's
why dolphins are cool. Dolphins are like people.
They're like, hey, people are looking at us.
Let's show off. Same thing. So, best resort style
hotels, and this is the final category of this
email. Now you know why I'm going 15 minutes
deep. You know why I didn't do this on a regular
podcast. Number one, Ocean Sky Hotel, Fort Lauderdale.
I love that hotel. It's never really crazy expensive.
They have a tiki hut in the back that serves
fantastic frozen drink. Well, any drink you want.
And a beach right behind it. It's connected to
Ocean Manor right next door. And that's where
if you want to see Deadman, or at least before
you see Dennis Rodman wandering around there
doing something questionable. Not dogging him.
So he's usually there, my understanding is. He's
good friends with the owner of that place, so
he gets to stay there. So Ocean Sky, right next
to Ocean Manor, I love that place. It has the
best balcony rooms around that overlook the ocean.
It's just amazing. You sit there and the sun
is on you and you can see the ocean, nice breeze,
it's beautiful. Number two, Hilton Las Olas Boulevard,
Fort Lauderdale. Love that place. Las Olas is
a very special place. It's right there at Fort
Lauderdale Beach. It's beautiful. It's a big
hotel, and it has... It has this sky walkway
that goes over Las Olas Boulevard and delivers
you right straight to the beach. Then on the
way back, you can take that over Las Olas Boulevard
and get back to your hotel. It's really cool
design. I love it. Number three, Hilton Garden
Inn, South Beach, Miami. And that is because
South Beach is, oh, 3 ,000 feet away. You just
walk, literally walk across the road and the
building on the other side. And right back there
is South Beach. And it's never too expensive.
So, like, if you don't have that much money,
you can book this hotel usually around $110 a
night. Not bad. And they even have their own
swimming pool and they have their bar. And it's
a really cool place. It's not the most modern
place around, but it's pretty cool. Number four
is Kokomo Resort Curacao. Love that place. We
didn't get to stay at the resort, but we got
to see it. We walked around in it. It looked
beautiful. I'm assuming if it's as good as the
food there that we bought was excellent. The
drinks there we bought were unique and excellent.
And the beach was just phenomenal. Kokomo Beach
in Curacao. Number five, Radisson Eagle Beach
Aruba. That thing is amazing. Amazing. I should
have put this probably number one, but I don't
know why I didn't. So, you know what? I don't
know. I guess it's on drugs. No, not really.
But Radisson Eagle Beach Aruba is beautiful.
They have these swinging hammock bunk cage things
that are made out of cloth that you can get in
and just sit in there, and it will support you.
It's plenty strong enough. Val and I just sat
in there and had some drinks. It's beautiful.
One person per one of these little bungalow things,
whatever they are that hang from the palm trees.
It's beautiful. So, and then they have a waterfall
and a huge swimming pool with a waterfall back
behind it. And it is just fantastic. It's a great
place. I accidentally left my wallet there and
my tennis shoes. We're almost back to the cruise
port and we had to go back and get them. Nobody
touched them. I was very surprised, but nobody
probably knew there was a wallet in there either.
So that is my, that's all of my answers. Thank
you for writing me or writing us at the douchebags
to find out about this. It's complimentary when
you think of my judgment that much, so thank
you. Okay, now I'm going to get to some other
things. Chris Jericho, he has a podcast, very
popular. It's called Talk is Jericho. Everyone
knows I'm a big fan of Jake Lee and Ozzy and
Hard Rock and everything. Chris Jericho has one
of the best interviews, if not the best interview
I've ever heard of Jakey Lee. He asked some questions
that I really wanted to know the question to.
It's really good. When you get a chance, check
that podcast out. It's fantastic, the one with
Jakey Lee. But I'm going to start checking out
his other podcast, too. Since I listened to this
one, he's good. He's smooth. He asks good questions.
I really enjoyed it. Talk is Jericho, Jakey Lee,
the new episode. Check it out. If you care, if
you care about stuff like that, check it out.
If you don't, then just keep moving. All right,
next one here. There's something special about
Kansas City from Frank Boll, the TV radio legend
here in Kansas City. I told you about the newest
Johnny Dare episode, but it turns out there's
another episode before that. It's a Randy Miller
interview. It's just as equally entertaining
as a Johnny episode. And like always, it's one
of those interviews where you find out a lot
more about the person and their career than you
ever knew before. And some of the, you know,
what led to his career. You know, Kansas City
was probably his most successful market, Randy
Miller, although he'd been around everywhere.
And he was like Kansas City's first shock jock.
You know, he's the one that like come up with
some story and then, you know, like. I don't
know, like the pet tax he was talking about in
Kansas City, Missouri. Some guy's trying to give
away his dogs and shit like that. I mean, or
the deer hunting episode is they had to cull
the herd up there at KCI. It is complete bullshit.
And people believed it. Hunters went up there
with guns. It was crazy, a big mess. You know,
he's always done stuff like that. And, you know,
coincidentally got fired quite a bit. But, I
mean, he did pave the way for all the younger
ones that sprouted their wings around there,
and there's a lot of them. The tree of success
coming from Randy Miller is insane. If you start
looking at it, and all the people that branched
off, they did very successful. This market here,
Kansas City, and other markets, I mean, he really
launched a lot of careers. He had good people
around him. So, anyhow. All right, so I think
we're going to go ahead and go into some stories
after this. We got there early. We got there
so early that people had time to explain to us
about the L train that runs there. Wow, I've
never ridden that. It's fantastic. It goes up
near the mountains. Not in the mountains, but
close to the mountains. It goes through every
section of town before it goes to downtown. It
goes along the coast. It is just a beautiful
creation. And that is one of the things that
I have to give Seattle a lot of props for. There's
a lot of things, too. They have some very unique
things there. anyhow you know we uh we go on
the cell train because people had time to explain
it to us they were waiting for their rides because
they were early and they said oh yeah yeah you
know their son or something you know someone
they knew lived there yeah and they said well
oh you want to get to uh um crown plaza downtown
where we're staying at yeah okay here's where
you go you go on the l train it's three bucks
And we didn't know because it was actually Memorial
Day that it was free. There's no one there to
take your money. Oh, wow. So we paid our three
bucks for nothing. You made a nice donation.
Yeah, we made a nice donation to something. So,
yeah, we get out there with our tickets. We're
like, here, take the tickets. They'll come along
when we get off. You watch. As soon as we get
off, there'll be someone going, hey, let's see
your tickets. Yeah. Nope, I still have the ticket
at home. Souvenir. Yeah, yeah, souvenir. So we
get off literally two blocks from downtown Crowne
Plaza. The only, the worst part of it is carrying
your luggage up two sets of stairs because at
that point the L train is underground. In a lot
of places like Chicago and New York even, well,
New York has a subway and then they have the
trains and all that. Yeah. Well, it's like Chicago
where the train will go underground or above
ground depending on the situation. Yeah. Well,
at this one downtown, it's underground and carrying
up suitcases up two flights. Very steep stairs,
concrete stairs. It wasn't a lot of fun. No,
no, no, no. But, you know, it would have probably
cost about $60 to get us there. So we saved a
lot of money, and we was able to get on the train
in like three minutes at the most. Nice, nice.
Yeah, we didn't have to wait all these Ubers
and all that. But the Uber situation there is
fantastic. I was in an Uber or a Lyft every time
I summoned one within three minutes. Cool. That
is almost, that's unheard of. Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, so it was really good. So this happened
to us again in Seattle, which was excellent.
And we just have a knack for this. Somehow we
just show up at the right time. Before on a previous
podcast, I talked about Ocean Manor. And, you
know, we go there. It's a resort in Florida in
Fort Lauderdale. Yeah. We may not be going there
very much anymore. That's the one that Dennis
Rodman was at and all this shenanigans and shit
going on and Michael Irvin and all that. The
guy that owns them is friends with him, according
to some of the people that work there. He likes
them staying there. He probably gives them a
penthouse for free because then people like me
go back to Kansas City and go, man, I met Michael
Irvin and Dennis Rodman. And then idiots like
me come down and they're like, hey, where was
that? As a matter of fact, a couple of guys I
used to work with. One of them's a real douchebag,
and anyhow, he's a dipshit and a motherfucker,
and I hope he goes there, and I hope Dennis Rodman
buttfucks him. So anyhow, they're wanting to
go there because of that, and I gave them the
name and number, and anyhow, you know who you
are if you're listening, you fucking piece of
shit. So anyhow, speaking of that, real quick,
fuck you, you pieces of fucking trash that I
used to work for. One of the motherfuckers came
into my work the other day in my line. Eat my
ass, you fucktards. It's over. I'm no longer
there. Give it up. Fuck you guys. Eat my ass.
I hate you. I hate every fucking one of you.
So anyhow. They're still carrying a torch for
you. Yes, they are. Real estate in their heads.
Okay. Anyhow, fuck you guys. Go to hell. Anyhow,
okay. Get to Crown Plaza in downtown Seattle.
Yeah. Great fucking place. Go in there, right?
And just like down there at Ocean Manor in Fort
Lauderdale, this happened to us. I'll go ahead
and go to the Fort Lauderdale one first. This
is last year. Me and Val go in there. And the,
what do you call them? The consigliere or whatever.
Concierge. Concierge. Yeah, whatever the fuck
it is. Okay. The concierge guy. It's a French
word. Yeah, yeah. Fuck them. This is starting
off really good already, isn't it? Fuck them.
Fuck everybody. So I go in there and the concierge
guy is fighting with some fuckers over how much
the penthouse is going to be. He goes, no, no,
no. We told you it's $1 ,700 a night. No, no,
no, no, no. We're not going to pay. We're not
going to take, you know, $800. There's no way.
So anyhow, he's getting red -faced because the
guy just keeps fucking with him on the phone.
Yeah. So he hangs up, and I'm like, yeah, you
know, Mark, you know, I'm here, you know, showing
him my Priceline shit or whatever, however I
booked it. And he goes, you know what? I'm going
to give you the penthouse. Excellent. And I'm
like, huh? Yeah. Yeah, he goes, my night girl
should just give it to some idiot anyhow that'll
tear it up. Yeah. And he didn't want to give
it to that fuck on the phone that kept... He
was going to call back in 10 minutes. Yeah, so
it was officially gone. It was rented out, and
it was rented to me for like $150 or something.
So we got this huge penthouse, and this was just
luck of the draw. So we go to downtown Seattle,
Crowne Plaza, walk in there. And this lady is
just getting badgered by this guy. He was, you
could tell he was like a yuppie piece of crap,
well -to -do guy. And there's a line almost out
the door of people trying to check in because
there's three cruises going out the next, no,
two that day, and then our cruise going out the
next day. There's all these Alaskan cruises because
June. And the end of May is some of the most
popular times for cruises because the weather
is so good up there. Yeah, I imagine. That people
love to go there during that time. They got like
three months to do this. And then after that,
people don't want to go up there because it's
too cold. Yeah, or the bugs are out during the
hot parts. Yeah, the fucking mosquitoes will
carry you off, you know, kill your firstborn,
whatever. So I get in there and we're in this
line. And this yuppie douchebag that us, not
a good douchebag. No. My name is Mark. I'm Christopher.
We are two douchebags and a microphone. Pleased
to meet you. Hi. I got my penis out. Dick's out
for Harambe. Yeah. That's why the world went
to shit. Yeah. It is. Harambe. Yeah, Harambe.
We love you. R .I .P. Wherever you are, you big
lovable ape. Big ape kisses. Whatever that means.
Okay. So, this douchebag cuts in line in front
of everybody. I want to speak to manager right
now. Sir, you're going to have to get to the
back of the line like anyone else coming in.
No, I need to speak to him right now. And you
could tell it was just nothing. Like maybe they,
I don't know, left a pillow in the wrong place
or something. The guy was just a complete tool
bag. He was a male Karen. Yes. And that is, coincidentally,
one of the four types of cruisers we will go
into later. The overbearing Karen. But we will
get to that later. So she looks at me and she
goes, how would you like a suite? You can see
the look on that guy's face. So I think this
was his suite by the way it looked. And I go,
what? She goes, yeah. She goes, you know, you
guys need to check in early. Your plane was early.
You called a couple of weeks ahead of time and
said that because the flight got switched around,
we're supposed to arrive there a little bit later,
and it wasn't our fault. And we offered to show
them the proof and said, look, you know, we'll
even pay more. You know, but we'd like to get
in a little bit early. Yeah. Well, we'll see
what we can do. They didn't promise anything,
but the lady said, well, I see on these notes
that you asked for a view. You asked if you'd
get in early because your flights were switched
around. So how about we just give you a suite?
Well, sure. And this was a beautiful suite. It
was a four -room suite with a living room and
a big window that you could look out and see
the Space Needle and see the coast, the harbor.
You can see the Ferris wheel, everything that
Seattle is pretty much. You can see part of Mount
Rainier, I believe it was, to the left. And a
little bit of, what is the other one? Olympus,
or Olympia. Olympia, yeah. You can see a little
bit of the other mountain. I think the snow -capped
one, they said, was Rainier. And the one that
was not a snow -capped was Olympia. So you could
see a little bit of both of them. It was actually
the perfect room. Nice. And it was 28 stories
up, so it was far enough up. Ooh, yeah. Yeah,
I tried to do a pressed hand, but nobody could
see me. I sat there for two minutes, and, you
know, things just started going numb, so I stopped.
So, once again, we get on a suite for like $150.
We're just great timing. Yeah. Sure. So we get
this suite, and the only thing about a suite
that nice is it makes it so hard to leave. Oh,
yeah. We're just sitting there in the couch,
looking out at the scenery, just, you know, just
enjoying this. It was just gorgeous. It was beautiful.
Yeah. And it's like, okay, we're going to have
to force ourselves to go down there and go do
stuff. So we ended up walking down to the wharf,
which was all downhill and took about five minutes
because it was all downhill. It was on a large
hill. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it was just straight
down. And then it turned out that the Pike Place
Market was just three blocks away, too. It was
the ideal location. Nice. And Pike Place Market
is one of my favorite markets. I love the Boston
Public Market. Pike Place is really good. The
one in Kansas City is really good. The city market
there, the river market, is really good. I've
always been fond of the old market districts
because that's where everything was based off
in most of these cities. When they were formed,
everything was there. There's food, there's life.
Everything came down on the barges or the ocean,
you know, barges on the ocean. And these markets
were life. So they were there so early. And a
lot of these areas have not changed. I know the
River Market, you could look at the River Market
in Kansas City, the pictures from... The 1800s
and now, and you can tell it's the same place.
It's, of course, updated, but you can tell it's
the same place. The structures are pretty much
the same. They were rebuilt, whatever. There's
a continuity there. Yeah. Same way with the Pike
Place, Boston Public Market. I was trying to
think. There's another market. I can't remember
what it was. I was really impressed with it.
I was like, that's the kind of market that I
love. I think it might have been Philadelphia.
Like I mentioned, I used to work out of town
quite a bit. Yeah. And that's one of the first
places I'd do is I'd find a coffee house at one
of the, oh, Nashville. Oh, cool. Nashville had
a really cool city market, river, world market
or whatever they call it. Yeah. And really fond
of Nashville and Philadelphia's too. I'm sure
there's a lot of them that I will never know
about. Those were really nice markets, and they
have really good coffee houses in it. Oh, yeah.
I really enjoyed the coffee there. The one in
Nashville really reminded me of the coffee house
here in Kansas City that we don't operate in
but out in front of. Yeah. Out of the front is
City Market Coffee in Kansas City. Yeah. They
both use, I think it's... Peruvian beans, Peruvian
beans. Both of them use Peruvian beans, and they
both use a roaster that looks very similar, and
the taste is very similar. Oh, okay. Yeah, and
I told them about each other, and I can't remember
whether they communicated or if they just said,
yeah, those guys can suck me. I can't remember,
but I did tell them about each other, and I think
they acted mildly. but they'll probably wipe
their ass with it. Here's their card. Yeah, hey,
thanks. Fuck you, asshole. They threw it in this
box with about $100 cards. Fuck you with your
Americano and your fucking almond milk. So, anyhow,
I really love Pike Place. Then they had all the
fish, the fresh fish, which I hate fish, but,
you know, it's fun to look at big, huge halibut.
They're fun to catch, too. Oh, yeah, yeah. I
would have loved to have done that, actually.
Yeah. Yeah. And then we went on a little tour,
a little harbor cruise before the big cruise.
Oh, nice. Oh, that was great. Something we'll
get into a little later, they told some stories
there, like the Edgewater Hotel. The Edgewater
Hotel has a lot of history to it. A lot of people
listening to this has probably heard something
about the Edgewater Hotel. Matter of fact, it's
not just the Beatles that had a big thing there.
Yeah. I believe this is where the chick got fished
by Led Zeppelin. Oh. Yeah, I knew you'd remember,
Christopher. Yeah. Yeah, the old fish in the
old, the snapper in the snapper. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that old trick. That old gimmick. Oh, yes.
Yeah. You see it all the time in children's books.
Oh, yeah, yeah. The snapper and the snapper.
I think it's called the snapper and the hat,
and then it went to the cat and the hat, wasn't
it? Yes, yes. I think so. Yeah, the snapper and
the hat. It was Dr. Seuss, though. Dr. Seuss,
snapper and the hat. But I think that's where
Led Zeppelin did the old, you know, the snapper
and the snapper. Yeah. Yeah, that old gag. So
anyhow, this Edgewater Hotel is very famous,
but the story he told on this little harbor cruise
was really cool. And I'm going to share it with
everybody later, whether you like it or not.
You know what? You've got a forward button, right?
I think. I like this. We're teasing him with
little parts coming up later. And, you know,
some of these things that we're teasing, we may
never actually say or tell you. You're just going
to be wondering if you missed it. Yes. Kind of
like Mr. Creepy with his left ball, you know?
Yeah. Every now and then it just kind of like
pops out just a little, and then it goes back.
It's just like a little tease. Comes out to remind
you it's still there somewhere. Hi there. Hi,
fellas. And then it zips away. So, speaking of
Mr. Creepy, I think he's going to make a comeback
on this podcast. Yes, I think we've resolved
our differences, and Mr. Creepy is back on board
and ready to be creepy. Look, we told him his
demands of 2 ,000 dildos was not going to do
it. He was just trying to see how much he could
get us for. I'm not proud of what I did for a
Klondike bar. I'll tell you that right now. But
Mr. Creepy, he drives a hard bargain. Yes, hard
bargain. Hard bargain. Anyhow. Mr. Creepy, you
know what? No, don't come here. No, stay gone.
Stay gone right now. It's daylight out. You know
what? He's going to come. Twilight comes around.
He might come roaming around in his big creepy
shoes. That's true. That's true. He does have
a number of restraining orders out against him.
So if he operates more in the twilight and the
dark, he doesn't get violated for his restraining
orders. Well, there's a school too close. True,
true. We have a school close. We have a center
school district right down the road here, and
I think he's too close to it. Yeah, yeah. So
we're, yeah. So the only way he can come in and
do a podcast with us is to probably, you know,
maybe put on a fake wig or something, get in
a different car. His Groucho Marx glasses with
the big nose and the mustache. Those were great.
Nobody ever questions them. No one ever questions
them. It looks so real. You just blend right
in. Yeah, you blend in with so many people, because
so many people look like Groucho Marx with those,
you know. Two douches, two douches, two douches,
two douches, two douches, two douches, two douches,
two douches. Okay, so another thing is, okay,
you know, Seattle is known for grunge. Yes. Okay,
Seattle, I had this pointed out to me a couple
of times, and they're absolutely correct on this.
Seattle is a music city. Yeah, it is. It's comparable
to Nashville with all the music that's going
on. Now, Nashville is known for country, but
there is almost as much other types of music
going on in Nashville as there is, I mean, metal.
Oh, yeah. A lot of metal, a lot of rock, a lot
of pop. Nashville may have made their name in
country, but any genre of music you can find
in Nashville. It's the same way. And you can
find really good versions of whatever music you
like. There are a lot of good musicians in that
town. It's like Austin, Texas is also the same,
although they're not known for any specific type
of music. But Austin is a big music city, too.
I mean, believe it or not, Kansas City is still
pretty big for jazz. It always has been. New
Orleans, too. Well, Seattle, of course, they're
known for grunge. But there are so many bands
that came out of Seattle that were not grunge.
Queensryche. They were not grunge. No. Jimi Hendrix.
No. He was not grunge. Hart. Hart. I was, yeah.
Was not grunge. There's a lot of other ones,
too. I mean, Foo Fighters was a product of grunge.
Yeah. But they're not grunge. I mean, Duff McKagan
of Guns N' Roses. Yeah. He's from Seattle. You
know, there's just so many of these other ones.
The presidents of the United States, they weren't
grunge. But, I mean, they were big for, I mean,
they're kind of gimmicky, yeah. But, I mean,
they're from Seattle, Sir Mix -A -Lot. Let's
see, who else here? I had a couple other ones.
And then there are bands that moved to Seattle
just so they get discovered. Yes. Like Stone
Temple Pilots were originally from San Diego.
Yeah. And they moved to Seattle because of the
music scene. So they kind of fit in with Seattle
sound, but they were a Southern California band.
Yes, and also they did not sound like that before.
They sounded completely different. If you can
get some of their old tapes, I forgot what name
they were under. I think it was, was it Mighty
Joe Young? That sounds, I wouldn't swear on it,
but I think that sounds like what it did. I think
it was Mighty Joe Young. Yeah. I sometimes get
that confused because there's a song called The
Mighty Quinn. But I think Stone Temple Pilots
used to be called Mighty Joe Young. I believe
you're correct on that. And the music was completely
different. So they saw an avenue. They went to
Seattle. And they did the sound. And they did
it very well. They did. They did. They wrote
a lot of good music. Yes, they did. I mean, the
thing about Stone Temple Pilots, or STP if you
will, is their music. wasn't really actually
grunge, in my opinion. You know, they had a lot
of different types of ballads, like the one off
The Crow. Yeah. I'm blanking on that. Me too.
And then they had Big Bang Baby, which was like
a 70s type of song. Yeah, I see exactly what
you're saying. It's like they wrote a lot of
music in a lot of different styles, but just
like they layered a grunge sound over it. Whereas
a band like Soundgarden is just soaked in it.
I mean, they couldn't write anything that wasn't
grunge without really working really hard at
it. Pearl Jam. Yeah, I mean, they were just saturated
with it. I think with Stone Temple Pilots, they
came and they added that to their sonic palette.
Yes. Not, you know, maybe partly as, you know,
bandwagoning. But also, because the sound was
very good, it was very interesting, it had a
lot of potential, a lot of ways you could use
it. So they added it to their Southern California
sound without just turning into a grunge clone.
Their bandwagon, it didn't matter because the
underlying talent was so deep. Absolutely. Their
songwriting. I mean, Scott Weiland is probably
the biggest focal point of why. They sounded
grunge. Yeah. Because of his vocals. He could
definitely do that, yeah. And there are songs
where he sounded very close to Kurt Cobain. Very
close. Yeah. Then another one I didn't realize
until not that long ago. Layne Staley sounded
identical to Kurt Cobain on certain songs. He
did. Yeah, I know what you mean. But on some
of them, you're like, oh my God, that just sounded
just like Kurt Cobain. Yeah, from my perspective,
I listen to the music mostly, or primarily I
listen to the instruments and then the vocals.
So I would hear the song and think, okay, that's
Alice in Chains, but why is Kurt Cobain singing
for them? And then I realized, oh, okay, that's
Layne Staley. That's exactly what I did, too.
I'm like, oh, my God. So where some people would
recognize the vocal and think, okay, this is
Nirvana, I recognize the music, the musicians,
the music. The music and the musicians. I could
tell that was Alice in Chains playing. And then
when the vocals came in, it was like, wait a
minute. Is this like a featuring Kurt Cobain
on vocals kind of thing? But it was Layne doing
his best. Kurt Cobain impersonation. Yeah, or
hey, we don't know. Maybe Kurt Cobain was doing
his best Layne Staley impression. I'm not sure
which one was first. I know there's probably
a lot of simultaneousness to that because they
kind of develop together. Let's see, Mother Love
Bone was one of the first ones out over there
of the new sound. First they sounded glam, and
then they like... Quit being glam. And then Andrew
Wood died and all that. But after they quit being
glam, they went into this new sound. Yeah. And
I believe that was Andrew Wood also. But then
that became Pearl Jam. Yeah. Like half of Mother
Love Bone became Pearl Jam after Andrew Wood
died. Yeah. But before Andrew Wood died, Mother
Love Bone became more grunge. Yes. They were
changing. They were changing. Yeah. So. I would
say maturing because there were a lot of excellent
80s hair bands, metal bands, glam bands, whatever
you want to call them. But at the same time,
there were a lot of wannabes who were getting
way too much airplay. That's why the scene went
to hell. Yeah. That's why the scene flamed out
is because there's too many wannabes. Yeah. I
remember I used to listen to National Xerox.
Remember Xerox? Yeah. Yeah. Xerox was a great
station. until corporate got involved yeah and
then all you heard was like the firehouses you
know baby don't treat me bad and it's like mother
fuck if i hear that one more time i'm gonna kill
somebody i mean i'm impressed i'm impressed the
guy can sing so high but seriously there's not
much to that song music yeah it was just that's
why they got the name butt rock for that shit
That's why it's called butt rock. I didn't realize
that, but that's awesome. Well, I mean, I don't
know. That's what I think at least. I mean, they
ruined it over saturation of bullshit. Yep. Yep.
And I mean, at least we can say about grunges,
it wasn't over saturation of bullshit. It just
kind of ran its course and people were like,
all right, we want to be happy again. It's kind
of, it's interesting the way grunge. started
mirrored kind of the way punk started which was
protesting yes the overblown overinflated and
way too heavily produced crap that was coming
out of corporate radio guns and roses really
kind of guns and roses really started the trend
and then it went on to grunge but the you know
guns and roses came out and they said we're celebrating
mass deflation of hairdos They were still glam
enough to get attention, but they were dirty
enough to command respect. Yeah, exactly. Because
you look at some of those hair bands and you
think, sure, they're jumping around playing this
wild music, but you could knock one of them over
with a golf club. You just push them right over
and they're so weak and fragile. There's nothing
to them. They're just some punk little piece
of shit with wild hair. Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
There's really no underlying angst or anything.
Most of them probably, if they were around here,
they would have grew up in Leawood or something,
the Fluent area. Yeah. And they had the money
for the hairspray and the spandex and the nice
outfits. The only thing they stood for is, we
want to get famous and have lots of pussy. That's
what they stood for themselves. Yeah. That was
fun for a while, but then it's not fun anymore.
Yeah, Guns N' Roses actually really kind of started
it. They came out and said, fuck you guys. We're
going to not wear our shirts on stage, and part
of us are just going to look like dirtbags. They
dared to be ugly. Yes. Where it was all about
pretty boys and glam and excitement and sparkles
and makeup, now it was like, yeah, all right,
we just came out of our sweaty, dirty garage.
I wiped my forehead with an oily rag from the
lawnmower, and now we're going to rock your face
off. Yes. That was their attitude, and a lot
of people were like, about time. Thank you. I
was one of them going, finally something I can
sink my fucking teeth into. If I have to hear
Duran Duran on the radio one more time, I'm going
to vomit vomit. Yeah, the reflux. Or is that
reflux? Okay. Anyhow. Okay. Now. The thing is,
is the only difference between really Guns N'
Roses and then Full Out Grunge was Guns N' Roses
still had a flamboyant lead singer. Yes. And
would poop his hair out and sometimes wear it
flat. Had the nipple rings in, had the tats,
had the tight leather pants or whatever, the
white leather pants or the goofy -ass little
biker shorts they used to wear. Yeah. So, you
know, with the cowboy boots, which always look
great. Yeah, but you can always tell Guns N'
Roses wanted to have, they wanted to rock and
rock hard and leave you worn out, but they also
wanted to have a good time. With the grunge bands,
what they wanted to do was wallow in it. Yes.
They wanted to get down into the mud and just
wallow. Everything's ruined, thank you. Yeah.
That was it. Yeah. I mean, that was how it kind
of started. And if you like anything, fuck you.
Yeah. Yep. Stare at your shoes. Everything sucks.
Might as well do heroin and then die. Yeah, and
that's what they all pretty much did. And, you
know, there was a difference between... And the
one guy I always wanted to fucking go away was
Eddie Vedder, and he's still alive. Yeah, he's
still around. Anyhow, I'm sorry, go ahead. You
were saying something. I was saying that it was...
Well, Kurt Cobain said that grunge was just punk,
but redone in a 90s style. And I've also heard
it said that... grunge was punk played by people
who were good musicians but the idea of punk
was we don't care if we can play we're just bringing
the passion and the anger and the frustration
and we're going to thrash our brains out and
the uglier or the harder we are to look at or
the harder we are to hear the better Oh, speak
it. Okay. And then when grunge came along, it
was like, well, we want to do the music too and
get our point across because we want to appeal
to... We're looking to make a change by getting
into the minds of people like us. We're not just
here to offend. We're here to make you think.
And that's what grunge was about. Now, they had
a very dark view of a lot of things. A lot of
the songs were very heavy and... definitely not
fun time music, but they did want you to think,
I mean, they spent time. A lot of these musicians
spend a lot of time writing the words that they
wanted to express. I would say that they spent
just as much time expressing lyrics. Finally,
finally expressing lyrics as they did music.
Yeah. And it showed. Yeah. So that was, I mean,
I love that about grunge is that. You could hear
the emotion and the passion, but they were into
more than just, you know, I hate you and I want
to offend you. It's I hate the world and this
is why. And, you know, they draw you in, and
it's like they have a story to tell. And if you're
a part of it, fuck you too. Yeah. Always enjoyed
that too. And then, of course, corporate landed
on grunge like the latest fad and beat it into
a dead horse and then flogged the dead horse
until it was nothing left. And then grunge became
a dirty word. Yeah. It really did. And the thing
is, is the mass exit of grunge really wasn't
a mass exit. It was like lack of production.
Yeah. And, you know, a lot of bands felt like,
okay, we made our point. It's time to move on.
And that's healthy. I mean, actually, I mean,
if you look at it, I mean, even like Chris Cornell
did, too. Yeah. He went solo. Moved on to other
bands. If anyone ever had Euphoria Morning, like
I still do, his solo album, one of them. And
listened to the different types of music he was
getting in on. Then he started doing collaborations.
We spoke about this with Alice Cooper, you know,
like Stolen Prayer and what was the other? Unholy
War. Unholy War. Yeah. You know, he was branching
out. He made a statement. Then he went to Audioslave,
which was completely different. Yeah. Completely
different. Yeah. So he was branching out. And
I feel like he was like, you know. I made my
point, and I moved on in life. He went through
a terrible divorce, from what I read, and had
some issues in life, and then got past him, and
then evidently, I don't know what happened later.
He rejoined Soundgarden for the reunion tour,
much anticipated. I went and saw that, and I
thought it was an excellent show. Couldn't have
gotten any better, really. It seems to me like
he went back to revisit the glory days, maybe.
Yeah, but that also probably brought up a lot
of the horrors. Unresolved horrors. Yeah. So,
you know, it's sad to think that, like, all this
music that is so good comes from so much pain.
Yeah. But some of the best music around is angry,
pissed -off music. Yeah, it is. It's so from
the heart. Yeah. That it is, it's unchangeable.
What it is is what it is. It's not overly produced.
It can't be overly produced. It wouldn't be the
same song. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I mean,
listen to Neil Young, some of his brilliant shit.
Just sheer anger and protest. Yeah, yeah. And
that really caught on, too. I remember for a
while, everybody was recording in their living
room with some little four -track deck or something.
Springsteen put out. at least one album where
it was just recorded in his living room with
a four -track recorder. I've never been a huge
Springsteen fan, but I did respect that. I was
like, okay, that's kind of cool. Yeah, and then
Cowboy Junkies have an album called The Trinity
Sessions where they went to a church, that Trinity
was in the name of the church, and the band gathered
around one single microphone, and then they just
all played. There were no overdubs, no extra
takes, no sound reinforcement here. It's just
everybody played their instrument, and one microphone
picked up everything, including the vocals. Didn't
Black Sabbath do that on their first album, or
was it Paranoid? That I don't know. I think it
was their first album because they virtually
had no money to work with. Yeah. And there are
some 60s, iconic 60s albums that we know of.
I think Led Zeppelin II was recorded, or was
it one? It was done pretty much with room mics.
Yeah. They put everyone in a room. Actually,
I think both of them. And put some mics around
and just recorded it that way. Look at the brilliance
coming from there. Yeah. And like we spoke before,
John Bonham, not what he put in, what he left
out. Yeah. He was the art of the beat that should
be there but isn't, but it's brilliant. Yep,
Nigel Olsen, who played for Elton John early
in his career, picked up on that, too. He was
very good at just these outrageous syncopations.
I would agree. If you listen to that guy, it's
like, what the fuck is he doing? Hey, wait a
minute, I like it. Yep. That's kind of like Bonham,
too. It's like, you never know where that snare
is going to land. Is this guy Rick Allen? Is
he missing an arm? But good God, Roy Bonham could
play that one single kick drum. with one foot
and make it sound like three. He could do that.
Just amazing. Yeah. And to think, probably technically
and everything, his son is probably a better
drummer, but his son can never get the feeling
his dad. In my opinion, it's just too mechanical.
There's something of a swagger in John Bonham's
work. Just this... My balls are as big as my
head's swagger. I've got a great example, and
I know you will get this, Christopher. I know
you will, because you and I are so musically
inclined like this. This is what Richie Blackmore
had against Satriani and people like that. It
was too good. No feeling. And he said that, and
he got in a lot of shit. People are like, oh,
he's jealous. It's like, no, wait a minute. Wait
a minute. He's right. Eddie Van Halen could do
all that, but he did it with feeling. He did
it with so much emotion that he didn't even realize
that these songs were so brilliant. He didn't
realize that Eruption was so brilliant because
there was so much emotion in it. I'll give you
two more examples of technical brilliance with
lack of passion. Okay, the first half of Neil
Peart's career with Rush. I know, go ahead. Lots
of technical precision, but he just hammers everything.
Way too much. So he stopped, relearned how to
play, and then the second half of his career,
he plays with enormous amounts of feeling and
passion. It's amazing. You could almost, to me,
almost call him one of the best drummers ever.
Yeah. Because of the second half of his career.
Yeah, yeah. He put everything he had into it.
Yeah, yeah. First half of his career, he's showing
off. He's showing his brilliance. He's... displaying
all sorts of technique. The second half of his
career, he's showing you his heart and his soul.
But he knew, he knew when to stop. Yeah. He like
had like a moment of clarity. Yeah. And he was
like, okay. I mean, you listen to those first,
you know, from albums two, three, four, from
Rush. He overplayed the shit out of all those
songs, and everyone knows it, but he's just so
damn good nobody wants to say it. He overplayed
the shit out of those songs. They're like eating
Doritos in the other room, but just let it go.
Let it happen. Let's see. You put in about 178
notes when three would have done. Geddy Lee's
in the corner. Take off to the great white night.
Take off. I'm just over here practicing. Okay,
well, before I forget, here's my second example
of technical brilliance without the passion.
Harry Connick Jr. Yeah. That was a big rap early
in his career. Yeah, but then he changed it around
like Neil Peart did. Yeah. Yeah. It was the thing
is, like, he sounds so sweet and good and rich,
and his voice is just beautiful, but I don't
believe a word he's singing. That was the rap
on Harry Connick Jr., and so he went into acting
for a while. And he was excellent at acting.
Yeah, but that's the tie -in. When you're singing
the song, you're acting. I would agree. You've
got to have that actor part in you. In order
to be a compelling lead singer, you've got to
be an actor, too. Well, I mean, let's face it,
like a Janis Joplin. Not a good singer by any
amount. No. But entertaining. Ozzy. Another one.
Yeah. Not a good singer. Entertaining. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Great at what they do. Whatever it is they
do. Yeah. Yeah. Singer. Janis Joplin, Ozzy, not
so much. But. Jim Morrison wasn't all that great
of a singer. No. But he was just so captivating.
The thing about Jim Morrison is, as I know, the
thing is you either got the best show or the
worst show ever. Yeah. When you saw him, you
didn't know. Was he on that night or not? It
was a crapshoot. It really was. They were pretty
much a house band. Was it the Rainbow or Whiskey?
Ah, let's see. It may have been the Whiskey.
Yeah, I think it was the Whiskey where they did
the song... Gloria? No, was it The End? The end.
Yeah, where he said, Father, I want to kill you.
Mother, I want to fuck you. Yeah, and that brought
the place down. And people thought that really
meant something when he was just... It's an Oedipal
thing. Yeah, yeah. He was fucked out of his mind
and he wanted to get reaction. And that did it.
Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You want to bang your mom?
And then, let's see, I think it was also the
whiskey where Frank Zappa was at the whiskey
one night, and this band came on, and they were
so horribly bad that partway through their first
song, the place emptied out. And Zappa was like,
oh, my God, I've never seen anything like this.
I've got to know who this band is. Well, it was
Alice Cooper. Before they actually really became
Alice Cooper. Before they learned how to write
songs. I mean, they were called Alice Cooper,
but all they had going for them was being loud
and offensive. That was all they had. Alice Cooper
didn't have his trademark. makeup either yet
no i know what you're talking about when they
were playing with uh he had red hair still didn't
he or something he was he had red hair he had
blonde hair at one point they were played a lot
with sexual androgyny you know are they guys
are they gals yeah that's why when marilyn manson
did that i'm like already been done yeah david
bowie alice cooper when i saw marilyn manson
at memorial uh memorial hall in kck It was Marilyn
Manson opened, and then the Jim Rose Sideshow
Circus. Oh, yeah! Slash was on Eddie Trunk's
Trunk Nation the other day. Eddie asked Slash
if they planned on doing any U .S. dates next
year. Slash's reply was yes, we are doing a U
.S. tour next year as well as another album.
He said they have more than enough material for
a full album. This is great news for all the
Guns N' Roses fans, including myself. They used
to call it Jump -O -Lean until your mama got
on it. Have you ever wondered where something
came from? Have you ever looked at something
and said, Hey, I wonder what the origin of that
is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you
the origin of... The origin of the nose ring.
The middle east is the birthplace of the nostril
ring, piercing, tracking back 4 ,000 years. Nostrils
were held as a status of upper class if they
were pierced with a ring. Ms. Gulkenstein was
tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of her.
Little did the douchebags know Ms. Guffenstein
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. And now, Deep
Thoughts with Mark. I sure wish my inner voice
sounded just like Morgan Freeman. Hmm. That'd
be cool. Harambe used to listen to our original
show, Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen to our
original show, Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask
why Harambe never listens to our original show,
Too Dipshits and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is
dead. senselessly murdered because some idiot
did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone. Sadly, Arambe does not listen to
our original show, Two Gibshits and the Cheap
Radio Shedack Realistic Dig Recorder, or any
other show. Anymore. Sorry, Arambe. Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark from the Kansas City
area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Sam's Rob tonight.
Rob has laryngitis. He will be back. As soon
as his voice comes back, we will record something.
But until then, if he was, he could be on here
right now and you wouldn't know because you couldn't
hear him. So that's how bad his voice is. Yeah,
believe me, he called me. I'm like, huh? What?
Huh? What? So you've been. Better off, I don't
know. He did text me, so I knew what was going
on. And then he called me. All right. All right.
How about some weird stories now? Everybody up
for that? All right. The trial began October
17th in Houston for Christina Chambers, 34, who
was accused of manslaughter. The Houston Chronicle
reported, in 2023, Joseph McMillan, 33, was leaving
a donut store with a date when he was struck
and killed by Chambers' Porsche 911 Carrera.
Police said Chambers was four times over the
legal alcohol limit and had baggies of cocaine
in her car and purse, and they estimated she
was driving about 70 miles an hour when she hit
McMillan. He was thrown about 30 feet and died
at the scene. Chambers' attorney, Mark Thiessen,
however, positioned that it was Chambers' Christian
shoes. I'm not sure what kind of shoes these
are. Christian Labotin shoes that caused the
accident. Claiming the heel got stuck on the
car's gas pedal. Chambers could serve up to 20
years in prison if she's convicted. And I'll
have to look it up. Labotin, Laboutin, Christian
Laboutin shoes. Never heard of them. Just outside
of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, on September 28th,
there were a congregation that were confronted
by their pastor, Philip Thornton, wearing and
wielding an assault -style rifle to illustrate
his points during his sermon. WHPTV reported
that Thornton used a firearm to symbolize clearing
the room or using spiritual violence against
unbelief. At times, Thornton pointed the gun
at the congregation with a laser bouncing off
church members. That's hardcore. The church released
a statement after concerns were brought to light,
saying the gun was disabled, the firing pin was
removed, cleared, and publicly shown to be ammo
-free. But Thornton also said, I could get you,
any one of you. The statement closed with gratitude
for bringing great attention to the church. After
all, there's no such thing as bad publicity,
but I would have to argue with him on this. You
want to take you and your family to church and
you find out that the pastor has a gun and it's
pointed at people, I would say that's bad publicity,
but they can put any type of spin on it they
want. I'm saying, I don't think so. And in another
weird story, Megan Ashley Davis is a college
student in Texas. Kron .com reported on October
10th, she is not a server at an Alva Garden in
St. Louis, and she didn't get arrested for assault
after throwing a basket of breadsticks at a customer.
But Davis' life has been turned upside down since
a Facebook account called Pure Videos posted
a real mugshot of Davis and claimed she had retaliated
for a bad tip by tossing the treats at a diner.
It's probably like my worst nightmare coming
to reality, Davis said. She admitted that the
mugshot came from a night in August, soon after
her mother died, when she was arrested for public
intoxication. But this recent post has garnered
harassing and creepy comments. People are disgusting
out there and scary, she said. I feel small.
Like, how do I fix this situation? I don't know
how you fix that, man. That's kind of a screwed
up deal there, isn't it? I mean, you know, you
can say it wasn't you, but how many people believe
that? Probably about none. And on to another
one. Blake Michael Coleman, 26, a contract driver
for Amazon, was arrested for first -degree assault
after an incident in an Everett, Washington apartment
complex mailroom on October 3rd. KRCG -TV reported
that Coleman and a USPS carrier were in the room
when an altercation took place, resulting in
the mail carrier being shot in the head. Coleman
admitted shooting the man, who will survive,
but lost an eye because he said the man was trying
to charge him while he was cornered. Coleman
was allegedly armed with two guns, a large knife,
and a bulletproof vest. He told police that he
had been attacked on numerous occasions, that
he is being cyber -stalked by the mafia. Coleman
said he believed the postal worker might have
been a mafia assassin. His bomb was set at one
million. So, I'm going to say that the guy is
probably, I don't know, schizophrenic or, I don't
know, on drugs or all the above. So, okay. All
right. When Erin Scott O 'Brien sold her home
in New Orleans in 2018, she left behind a marble
tablet given to her by her grandparents, the
Associated Press reported on October 11th. The
cool -ass piece of art in her garden was covered
by weeds until the current owner, Daniela Santoro,
was cleaning up and found it. Santoro alerted
her colleague at Tulane University, anthropologist
Susan Lucina, who identified the slab as a 1900
-year -old grave marker of a Roman sailor, Sextus
Congesius. He had died at age 42 after more than
two decades of service in the Imperial Navy.
More research revealed that the maker had been
missing from the National Archaeological Museum
in Civita, Italy, since World War II. Now, the
FBI is working with Italian authorities to send
the tablet home, which is the right thing to
do, and I commend them for doing that. And, Ann
Vincent Walker of Hale County, Florida. was getting
ready for work on October 2nd when her son Hayden
called out her name. United Press International
had reported this. He had been spotted what appeared
to be a weather balloon over their farm of North
Lubbock. But when it landed, they discovered
it was a mysterious piece of equipment attached
to a parachute. Walter alerted the Hale County
Sheriff's Office, who had already heard from
NASA about a missing object. NASA said it was
part of the Columbia Scientific Balloon Facility.
which was conducting experiments to help aid
the accuracy of telescopes. But after launching
from Fort Summer, New Mexico, it had been blown
off course. The CSBF collected the equipment,
and Walter and her family got a day of adventure
out of this whole fiasco. All right, now on to
a little bit of food news. I know everybody loves
food news because, well, food tastes good. And,
well, a lot of it does. Some of it doesn't. I
mean, you know. To me, seafood doesn't taste
good, but a lot of people argue with that. Octopus?
No way. But, alright. When it comes to iconic
food pairings such as peanut butter and jelly
or chocolate and peanut butter, the most classic
of them all is arguably macaroni and cheese.
Not only is the cheesy pasta a childhood staple,
but it's also an ideal meal or side dish for
carb lovers of all ages that's quick, convenient,
and absolutely delicious. Plus, it's always a
fan favorite, especially when it comes to cozy
fall potlucks, back -to -school lunches, or even
a quick comfort meal. While the standard cheddar
sauce is classic, there are plenty of different
concoctions to choose from, whether it's gooey
baked casserole or even a boxed pizza flavored
mac. And now, Annie's. You know Annie's. Yeah,
the pretzel people is coming up with... With
the iconic blue box and a brand new box macaroni
and cheese, it's perfect for cooler weather.
General Mills is coming for the fan favorite
brand with a twist of two of Kraft Heinz's signatures.
The signature household brand isn't just known
for its iconic blue box of Kraft mac and cheese,
it's also behind the iconic Velveeta, which in
addition to its own lineup of macaroni and cheese
products, also boasts a famous queso dip. that's
made with cheese, tomatoes, and chilies for a
touch of heat. We're happy to report that Annie's
new product is a go -to pantry staple, perfect
like game day watch parties and busy weeknights
alike. Annie's Pasta Spirals and Creamy Queso
is a quick, easy, and cheesy dish that features
organic spiral noodles, real cheese, and mild
spices. The fresh and fancy take on the classic
mac and cheese is extra velvety and a queso -inspired
flavor that elevates the kind of friendly staple
without adding any spice or restaurant prices.
Whether you're looking for a quick addition to
a weeknight meal or just want to upgrade for
your typical mac, Annie's new Pasta Spirals and
Queso iterations comes just in time. So, you
know, I could go on with this, but I think everyone
gots what the hell this is, and I think they're
happy with it. You know, that's it. That's really
all I got. So, you know, as someone who loves
mac and cheese and queso, I'm shocked no brand
has thought to combine the two before. That said,
it's almost a guarantee that Annie's Pasta Spirals
and Creamy Queso will be making its way into
my dinner rotation for football season, and it'll
likely stick around through the winter as well.
So there you go. All right. Nicola Core, 51,
of Suffolk, England, has received $4 ,700 in
compensation from the Suffolk... Police, after
an incident incurring a raid at her home, Metro
News reported. Corse said police were searching
her home as part of an investigation involving
a relative when their body cameras recorded them
acting like children in a playground, tossing
a G -string back and forth and fondling erotic
gadgets and had it in a basket. A young female
officer started pulling all the things out, saying,
Oh, this is sticky, Corse said. She requested
the body cam footage after seeing her G -string
on her pillow. A police spokesperson said the
investigation determined the officer's behavior
was deemed to be unacceptable and unprofessional,
but was considered to be more due to the immaturity
they spiked. So, immaturity. Yeah, I probably
would have done the same thing in all full disclosure.
Sounds like fun. You find all these gadgets.
You're like, hey, hey, check this out. What's
this thing? Oh, no. Looks like the show's over,
kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't afford
a wireless mic. He infuriates me, pisses me off.
Some people are just fucking evil. Wild burros,
a federally protected species, are being targeted
in inland California. The Associated Press reported
on September 9th, a female burro called Cupid
was spotted with an arrow protruding from her
right shoulder. Animal service at the Riverside
County Sheriff Department worked together to
bring her in for emergency surgery. At least
six donkeys have been shot with arrows since
June, the Peaceful Valley Donkey Rescue Group
said. The group is offering a $24 ,000 reward
for information about who is shooting the donkeys.
In the meantime, Cupid is recovering from surgery
and will be returned to her herd when she is
well. And I, you know what, man, some motherfucker
like that, I'd pay someone just to fucking shoot
them in the head, I swear. Pieces of shit like
that have no place on this earth. These poor
beautiful animals did nothing. And whoever that
piece of shit that did that is, we don't need
them on this earth. I guarantee that. There's
not one good reason to have that piece of shit
on this earth. That person needs to be eradicated
and out of our lives. And I mean that. All right.
Indianapolis -based bankruptcy attorney Mark
S. Zuckerberg is suing Metta, the company of
Mark E. Zuckerberg. because a former's Facebook
page keeps getting shut down. WTHR -TV reported
on September 4th, it's not funny, the attorney
said. Meta has been accusing him of impersonating
a celebrity and using a false name, which I've
had way longer than he has, he said. I'd rather
not pick a fight with him, but I don't know what
else to do to make them stop shutting me down.
He said his business account has been removed
five times and his personal account four. It's
not right that they... It's not right, and they
need to stop, he said. And so they have met to
confirm that Zuckerberg's account is back up
after being disabled in error. So there you go.
He got his Mark Zuckerberg, the attorney, got
to have his page put back up. So there you go.
While I'm here, I would like to give a heads
up to everybody. A lot of people live around
this area. They actually, they know this. They've
lived here for a while and they know this. Right
now, we're in the heart of brown recluse season.
And listen, they're very docile spiders and they
won't go after you. But they're so docile that
it's easy to stick your hand on one or step on
one, you know, if you're barefooted or whatever.
And they will bite you and they are toxic. And
they can do a lot of damage to you, especially
if they give you a blood infection. I mean, Frank
Henneman, I think it is, of Slayer, he actually
died from a brown recluse bite. Other people
have, too. But at the very least, they'll make
you very, very sick. And right now, it's getting
cold outside, so they're all heading indoors.
So they like to hang out in clothes, in shoes,
in dark places, warm, dark places. So be careful
putting on your shoes. Um, be careful, um, you
know, picking up blankets, picking up clothing
off the floor, or even in, you know, it could
even be in a container or whatever. Um, uh, just
be careful. Maybe bath towels too. Uh, so yeah,
try not to get bit. It sucks. Most people will
live through it, but it can make your life hell
for a while. So be careful. Brown recluse season
is here. And, um, I don't plan on having any
type of interactions with them at all. I don't
mind them at all. They don't get near me, though.
If they get near me, I'm sorry, man. If I think
they're going to have a shot at stinging me,
I will probably just smash them. Although I should
relocate them, most of the times I don't. Full
disclosure. Here's an interesting little story
I want to bring to you guys here while you're
here and listen to me somewhat, I guess. You
know, I mean, all right. Friends, acquaintances,
and other mourners at a funeral in Kanchi, a
village in India, were stunned when Mohan Lal,
the man whose funeral they were attending, rose
and began taking part in the rituals at the Hindu
service. Metro UK reported that the 74 -year
-old Lal, a retired Air Force veteran, is well
respected in Kanchi for his work within the community.
which oddly enough includes helping to fund and
build a crematorium for the rainy seasons. But
all that goodwill didn't stop Law from carrying
through his plan. I wanted to witness it myself
and see how much people respect and affection
people give me, Law said. Reactions varied from
shock to confusion to relief, but Law was able
to calm things down by throwing a feast for the
attendees. So that's good. At least he fed them
well after he freaked them out and probably gave
half of them heart attacks. We thank you for
that much, lol. Okay, we thank you. So, we're
going to take our second break and we'll come
back with more stuff. Yeah. The apocalypse just
happened. You don't know what to do. You don't
know where to go. But we can tell you what you
can eat. How to stay clean during an apocalypse.
Plant oils such as cedarwood, rosewood, and rose
are often added to soaps to impart their scents.
The fruits of several Native North American plants
contain sufficient levels of saponin to produce
lather and can be used as soaps or shampoos.
Oh, hey, look at the time. It's time for the
crazy -ass word of the day. Cedal, cedal, hypopyrin,
phylogism. Hey there, fuckstick. You're just
in time for brand new feature news nobody gives
a shit about. There's a small island in the South
Pacific where people actually talk with eye movements.
And now we look in on the adventures of the technical
explanation guy. Excuse me, my dear sir. Could
you please put my plain bread in a small countertop
appliance with heating elements that would spring
loaded and would brown my bread adequately? Well,
first off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over
there sitting at the table having a drink. Second
off, are you talking about someone toasting your
bread? Why, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about
my bread being toasted. Then why don't you just
ask for your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard?
What the hell's wrong with you? Oh, man. What
the fuck is this? Is this a new feature? What's
inside Mark's head? Sounds stupid to me. Mmm.
Stromboli is so delicious. I love Stromboli.
I wonder if it loves me back. I bet you it does.
Stromboli is so tasty. It's like a giant pizza
roll with more flavor. It's the ultimate food.
Mmm, Stromboli. We need Stromboli cereal. Yeah,
yeah. Yeah, that's it. Stromboli cereal. Mmm,
Stromboli flakes. Mmm. Have you ever wondered
what something is about? Have you ever looked
at something and said, Hey, I wonder what the
origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why
we give you The Origin Of. This is the origin
of Rob Rad's loincloth. Rob used to strip in
a nightclub called McCock's on the city's east
side. Rob was the only completely nude dancer
at the club. The other dancers were jealous of
Rob making all the cash and made him use a loincloth
to dance with. Rob soon had to wear his loincloth
daily. He found out that he could get out of
traffic tickets, sell vinyl siding, and pick
up hotties at the come and go. Rob now wears
his loincloth everywhere except work. Sparks
plus pubic hair equals to bad things. Two douchebags,
a microphone on Mark here in the Kansas City
area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Rob is actually
on this, he's actually doing this podcast with
us, but you can't hear him. He has laryngitis.
He did some Morse code for me earlier to let
me know he is still on the line, but that's when
we're, you know, we're doing our little skits,
our little skit break. So yeah, he gave me a
little bit of Morse code saying I'm still here
doing the podcast with you. So thank you, Rob.
Thanks for being there. We appreciate you. So
let's go to the next story here. In a rare case
of pumpkin doing the smashing, a Utah man used
a one -ton gourd to destroy his 1991 Geo Metro.
Alan Gerbert, a pumpkin farmer, had driven the
car nearly 35 years, KMPH reported on October
29th. but had finally given out on him. Such
a trusty vehicle deserved a memorable send -off,
so Gilbert devised one, death by prize -winning
produce. Dropped from a height of about 14 stories,
before sealing the Geo's fate, the pumpkin in
question won first place at the Utah Giant Pumpkin
Festival, weighing in at 1 ,970 pounds. So, that
didn't stand a chance. That Geo did not stand
a chance. against this pumpkin. The pumpkin probably
weighed more than the Geo. If anyone remembers
Geo Metros, then yeah. Yeah, those things are
little bitty little brown little ugly bastards.
So, yeah. So, I think that's kind of funny that
he did that, though. Pretty cool, really. Oh,
the email here is 2douchebags at mail .com. That's
2douche... twodouchebags at mail .com. So if
you wanted to send us something, please do. That
is our email, and we've had it for a little while
now, and I think we're going to keep this one.
It's easier to write out. The other one had some
intricate stuff to it. A lot of people couldn't
get it figured out, including myself part of
the time. So it's not just them. It's also me.
Well, all right, everybody. I think I'm going
to call this an evening, but thank you guys for
listening. This is just a little treat for you
guys until you can hear Rob again, even though
he's over there talking. I'm sure you can't hear
him because he has laryngitis, but until you
can hear us both, this is your little treat.