WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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screen the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. This is a voice guide from

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your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags and a Microphone.

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People often ask us how they can find us when

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doing a remote broadcast. One, smell. Go to the

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city market and start sniffing. Our aroma has

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been described as a mixture of flea powder for

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goats, Tabasco sauce, and old sock with dark

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fuzzy urine. Two, look for the spot absent of

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patrons. Three, the most telling sign is a crowd

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of patrons vomiting uncontrollably. Four, just

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call us at 816 -512 -7717. All aware of the Amber

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Alert, right? Well, get rid of your disinfectants

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and rubber bedspreads, kids. It's the all -new

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Amber Herd Alert System. This fantastic early

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warning device helps one stay dry and rid of

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all those annoying mattress invoices. Simply

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hook up to child under six or psychopath and

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wait for the running water sound. This clever

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machine has three distinct settings, babbling

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brook, ocean waves, and roaring river for those

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close calls. Order today and get a free Cinnabon

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Renusic cartridge. constant pursuit for a real

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knee slapper it's strange insults from an alien

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real hilarity you remind me of a penny toothpaste

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and not worth much the apocalypse just happened

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you don't know what to do you don't know where

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to go but we can tell you what you can eat okay

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it's post apocalypse and you're walking down

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the barren wasteland that used to be a city.

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You find an old can of beans lying in the middle

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of the road, but you do not have a can opener.

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What you do then is you find a patch of concrete,

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you rub the top of the can for five minutes,

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then you go to the middle of the can and squeeze

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it, and it should pop right open. Invisible ass

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paddlings, new douche flavors, and horrible pranks?

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The fuck is wrong with these guys? Next up, things

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overheard in hell. Fox with socks are the only

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footwear allowed in hell. Hey there, fuckstick.

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You're just in time for brand new feature news

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nobody gives a shit about. In Tulipo, Mississippi,

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a structural steel company built a small bridge

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to go over a pothole that had been on the road

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for three years. Oh man, what the fuck is this?

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Is this a new feature? What's inside Mark's head?

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Sounds stupid to me. Why do people say tuna fish

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sandwich when nobody says chicken bird sandwich?

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Sometimes Mark appears to be in deep thoughts.

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Usually he is contemplating whether to squeeze

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a toot out or save it up for a better place.

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But I digress. Sometimes, he does occasionally

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have a deep thought. Now we look in on his brilliance.

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What if I learned telepathy? And then I tried

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to talk to random people. How would I know if

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they're ignoring me? I guess some questions are

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greater than mankind. Hey everybody, this is

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Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some tips for

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life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics.

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Rule number one, title a pic in someone else's

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name so if you get busted, it's not yours. Rule

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number two, shoot angles complementary to your

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length and girth. Rule number four, no propping

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of the leg. Two douchebags and a microphone.

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I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the

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Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful

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Niagara Arm at the Lake of the Ozarks in the

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Duck Blind studio. For now. All right. Well,

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Rob, how are you this evening? Life's moving

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on. I'm busy, busy, busy. You've got a lot of

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traveling coming up the next couple of weekends,

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it sounds like. Yes, I do. This Saturday, my

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fiancée, Princess, her oldest son is getting

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married this Saturday up in Seltzer Springs,

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Missouri. Is that at the Elms? Huh? Is it going

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to be at the Elms? Okay. But you might see the

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douchebag mobile driving around in Seltzer Springs.

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There you go. Or the following Saturday, the

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25th, my stepbrother is getting married in Independence,

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right next to Bass Pro. Oh, nice. Actually, I'm

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calling... Very cool. If you find it. Yeah, we're

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going to be in the hotel right there by. As a

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matter of fact, we have a few hits from Excelsior

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Springs here in the last framing of our relationship.

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Yes, I can explain that. I can explain that.

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Oh, okay. Cool. Go ahead. Okay. That's where

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both of her sons live. Excelsior Springs? Yeah,

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that's where her grandkids are. Yeah, up in Excelsior

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Springs. At Excelsior Springs. That's cool, because

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when you said Excelsior Springs, I remember looking

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at it the other day and going, hey, that wasn't

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there the other day. Yeah, if you look at the

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date, it was last break. Okay, that's the only

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thing it doesn't do here on RSS .com. Right,

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right, right. It doesn't tell you the date. But

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I was kind of impressed. I'm like, hey, I don't

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remember too many from Excelsior Springs before.

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Oh, that's my new fan. Well, awesome. Well, thank

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you, guys. Thank you for listening there. We

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appreciate it. And those would be Princess's

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relatives. So thank you. Welcome. Well, actually,

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it's her youngest son and her oldest son and

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her brother. Okay. Well, thank you all for...

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I'm not mentioning names. Okay. Her oldest son

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is the one getting married this Saturday. Okay.

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Well, thank you all for listening. I have not

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met them. Cool. Cool. Well, thank you guys for

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listening. We appreciate it. Keep listening,

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please. Tell people this is a grassroots thing

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and we are growing and we are very happy to serve

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all of your potty humor needs. That sound about

00:11:18.720 --> 00:11:22.340
right? Or whatever we do. Yeah, or whatever we

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do. We do get serious at times. Yeah, we do.

00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:28.299
So I was at the city market this morning grabbing

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a coffee and doing some podcast material and

00:11:30.860 --> 00:11:34.129
research. No, we could not do a Sports Bastards

00:11:34.129 --> 00:11:36.610
and Music Creeps. Topher has a lot of stuff going

00:11:36.610 --> 00:11:38.429
on right now, so I'm not sure when we're going

00:11:38.429 --> 00:11:40.710
to get back at it. But until then, the mystery

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sports guy said he's going to pop in and do another

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show or two. So you'll have something to fill

00:11:45.850 --> 00:11:48.889
the void there. So I was up there writing some

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stuff out, and this homeless -looking dude, trying

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to be a pain in the ass, he had his music videos

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up as loud as you can and was walking around

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with it full throttle. There's no smoking in

00:12:01.049 --> 00:12:03.669
the open -air concourse. It has a roof and bay

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doors, and all the bay doors were up. And this

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is at the city market. The bay doors are open,

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but there's a roof over it. It's like a concourse

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that you can walk around and go to all the shops,

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right? But there's no smoking. Yeah, there wasn't

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supposed to be any smoking at all. So this dude

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would clear his... I can't do a show, Devin.

00:12:26.250 --> 00:12:29.450
Oh, were you quitting smoking? Oh, I'm saying

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I can't do a show down there. I do smoke. I'm

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lighting one right now. You can do a show outside

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the perimeter there. You can do a show out there

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and smoke all you want. It's just inside that

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perimeter you can't because it can be enclosed

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during the winter, and it is enclosed during

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the winter. They batten down all the bay doors,

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so they want to make it no smoking the whole

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time. Yeah, so. This homeless looking dude, he

00:12:59.450 --> 00:13:02.250
would clear his throat as loud as possible. I

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mean, he was really loud doing this with his

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music way up and a throat burner going on. It

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was crazy. He was clearing his throat so loud.

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I mean, it sounded like thunder. I mean, I don't

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know how he did it. But he was doing it to be

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a pain in the ass. I sat there looking busy,

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but I was really examining the nut bag a little

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bit to see what was going on, to see if maybe,

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you know, he might be going nuts and maybe it's

00:13:27.019 --> 00:13:28.659
time to get out of there real quick and let him

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go shoot somebody else or something, you know.

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So he was blowing smoke all over and he started

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singing to his videos on his phone. He was clearly

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nuts. Then he would clear his throat just incredibly

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loud. I mean, it was so loud it would hurt your

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ears. So, you know, he was obviously insane.

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He was so loud, people would leave because of

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noise. And, you know, and he was so invasive,

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you know. It was getting uncomfortable, you know,

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to say the least. So people are kind of like

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looking at each other going, well, you know what,

00:13:58.009 --> 00:14:01.090
let's just go ahead and go. Other people went

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upstairs, you know, in the City Market Coffee

00:14:03.710 --> 00:14:06.309
to get away from the noise. But I'm like, you

00:14:06.309 --> 00:14:10.049
know what, he ran off everybody but me. And I

00:14:10.049 --> 00:14:15.000
refused to let him win. Yeah, that's just a kind

00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:18.139
of battle there. Yeah, I'm like, fuck this guy.

00:14:18.220 --> 00:14:21.799
I'm not leaving. So I did notice earlier that

00:14:21.799 --> 00:14:24.059
he would clear his throat and then he would scan

00:14:24.059 --> 00:14:26.919
the area for reactions. So I know he was just

00:14:26.919 --> 00:14:29.919
being a dick, right? Whatever problem he had

00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:32.139
with people there, whatever, whatever he had

00:14:32.139 --> 00:14:36.139
going on in his fucking nutbag head. So I'm like,

00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:38.379
no, I see you looking around. I see you looking

00:14:38.379 --> 00:14:40.740
at me trying to see me grimace with, you know,

00:14:40.740 --> 00:14:43.509
discomfort and all that. You wanted that. But

00:14:43.509 --> 00:14:46.490
I didn't do it. So then he changes seats to be

00:14:46.490 --> 00:14:49.610
right in my line of sight. And then he lets out

00:14:49.610 --> 00:14:52.169
a wall -shaking throat clearing. His video's

00:14:52.169 --> 00:14:54.029
loud on his phone, and he was singing to it off

00:14:54.029 --> 00:14:56.850
and on really loud as well. So I'm sick of the

00:14:56.850 --> 00:14:59.610
city already, but like I said, I wasn't going

00:14:59.610 --> 00:15:02.110
to let him win. So my strategy was every time

00:15:02.110 --> 00:15:04.730
he tried to get me to look at him and become

00:15:04.730 --> 00:15:08.029
annoyed like all the others, so I could see his

00:15:08.029 --> 00:15:10.190
strategy, right? He was trying to piss me off

00:15:10.190 --> 00:15:12.940
to leave. And whatever little game he was playing

00:15:12.940 --> 00:15:15.299
or whatever kind of comfort he got in that or

00:15:15.299 --> 00:15:17.340
what kind of jollies he got out of it, I don't

00:15:17.340 --> 00:15:19.639
know. But he was obviously getting jollies in

00:15:19.639 --> 00:15:23.200
it. So when he would let loose with a loud throat

00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:25.620
clearing, I would look up the ceiling to see

00:15:25.620 --> 00:15:28.779
where it was coming from. I would not look at

00:15:28.779 --> 00:15:32.759
him. I looked at the ceiling acting like it was

00:15:32.759 --> 00:15:35.480
coming from there and like, you know, tilting

00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:37.980
my head, puzzling, you know, very puzzling looking

00:15:37.980 --> 00:15:41.440
and like. looking around like, where did that,

00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:43.820
where did that fucking annoying sound come from?

00:15:43.980 --> 00:15:47.820
So I, he did this four more times and I kept

00:15:47.820 --> 00:15:51.139
looking up and looking at the ceiling and examining

00:15:51.139 --> 00:15:54.000
it every time he did it. So he eventually, he

00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:59.620
took off. So me one, nut bag zero. I won. He

00:15:59.620 --> 00:16:05.360
left. But there's more coming up later. But first

00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:08.669
I'm going to get to, well, One croctober was

00:16:08.669 --> 00:16:11.870
not enough, Rob. It appears now there is two

00:16:11.870 --> 00:16:18.509
croctobers. One croctober I hate with a passion.

00:16:18.809 --> 00:16:21.190
This is a love for those hideous croc shoes.

00:16:21.610 --> 00:16:23.970
People go online and share their pics of ugly

00:16:23.970 --> 00:16:28.330
ass shoes. Nasty. They need to all be burned

00:16:28.330 --> 00:16:30.389
and people that wear them need to be hit in the

00:16:30.389 --> 00:16:32.970
face with them. Well now, move over ugly shit.

00:16:33.230 --> 00:16:37.110
Walk on wet concrete with those things. No more.

00:16:37.470 --> 00:16:41.370
Yeah, yeah, go ahead. See how cool they are then.

00:16:41.490 --> 00:16:45.629
When you're laying on your ass. I like that one.

00:16:45.769 --> 00:16:48.950
Yeah, yeah. No, they get slick. I know that for

00:16:48.950 --> 00:16:53.490
a fact. My kid's mom fell several times wearing

00:16:53.490 --> 00:16:59.730
Crocs. Did you laugh? Oh, no. One time she broke

00:16:59.730 --> 00:17:03.029
one of her fingers. Oh, okay. Well, then, yeah,

00:17:03.070 --> 00:17:06.690
you probably shouldn't have laughed. I was at

00:17:06.690 --> 00:17:10.460
work. Oh, okay. But I told her, I said, what

00:17:10.460 --> 00:17:12.799
the hell were you doing wearing Crocs when it

00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:17.299
was raining? Yeah. And also, there's no ankle

00:17:17.299 --> 00:17:19.500
support either. It's horrible on your feet. No,

00:17:19.579 --> 00:17:23.240
it is. So we'll now move over ugly shoes. The

00:17:23.240 --> 00:17:26.140
new Croctober is a season of slow cooking stews

00:17:26.140 --> 00:17:30.019
and soups. This is a celebration of using crock

00:17:30.019 --> 00:17:33.140
pots to cook your seasonal foods such as soups,

00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:36.339
chilies, and stews. All other cold weather, slow

00:17:36.339 --> 00:17:39.240
cooked foods are included in this Crocktober.

00:17:40.599 --> 00:17:42.740
People go online and they share their favorite

00:17:42.740 --> 00:17:48.460
crock recipes and such. So, well, as if I'm going

00:17:48.460 --> 00:17:51.259
on here with more of the city market now. I already

00:17:51.259 --> 00:17:53.119
had that in there and I was going to go ahead

00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:54.880
and just talk about it for a minute. You got

00:17:54.880 --> 00:18:00.240
any comments on that at all, you know? Not really.

00:18:00.619 --> 00:18:03.849
Yeah, I mean. People are obviously bored that

00:18:03.849 --> 00:18:08.109
they go online and share these recipes. You can

00:18:08.109 --> 00:18:10.509
look this up. They show pictures of their crock

00:18:10.509 --> 00:18:13.329
pots and their slow cookers with like fucking

00:18:13.329 --> 00:18:15.329
carrots in them and stuff. And I'm like, what

00:18:15.329 --> 00:18:18.750
the hell? Are these guys that bored? Or do they

00:18:18.750 --> 00:18:22.009
really think it's that cool? I don't know. So

00:18:22.009 --> 00:18:27.230
anyhow, I move on. So as if the nutbag homeless

00:18:27.230 --> 00:18:30.059
dude wasn't enough. Here come two middle -aged

00:18:30.059 --> 00:18:33.339
women with five boys. Their age range in approximately

00:18:33.339 --> 00:18:36.299
like maybe from three to six -ish. Somewhere

00:18:36.299 --> 00:18:37.940
in there, right? Probably right around there,

00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:40.460
right, Rob? Okay. From three to six, and there's

00:18:40.460 --> 00:18:43.200
five of them. They were screaming as loud as

00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:45.140
they could and chasing the pigeons all over,

00:18:45.180 --> 00:18:46.920
screaming at them, running in front of them,

00:18:47.059 --> 00:18:50.099
running in front of people. And they were definitely

00:18:50.099 --> 00:18:52.680
feral children. Only the two were right there

00:18:52.680 --> 00:18:54.940
just sitting there looking at their phones, laughing

00:18:54.940 --> 00:18:57.859
away. The two lazy chicks were just standing

00:18:57.859 --> 00:19:00.329
there. And like I said, you couldn't get between

00:19:00.329 --> 00:19:04.089
them and their phone. Nothing else is going on

00:19:04.089 --> 00:19:08.109
in life to them except that phone. So I just

00:19:08.109 --> 00:19:11.710
finished my biscuits and gravy, and I put the

00:19:11.710 --> 00:19:15.029
container on the ledge next to me, right? Oh,

00:19:15.150 --> 00:19:17.910
the biscuits and gravy, the B &G at the City

00:19:17.910 --> 00:19:19.970
Market Coffee is phenomenal. Oh, I was getting

00:19:19.970 --> 00:19:22.210
ready to ask. I was getting ready to ask. I was

00:19:22.210 --> 00:19:26.069
waiting. It was phenomenal. Oh, it was great.

00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:32.680
Well, theirs is very, very good there. I knew

00:19:32.680 --> 00:19:34.279
it was going to be good because a lot of people

00:19:34.279 --> 00:19:36.700
ordered it and a lot of people raved about it,

00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:37.859
but I didn't know it was going to be that good.

00:19:37.960 --> 00:19:40.220
The gravy that they use and the sausage that

00:19:40.220 --> 00:19:46.140
they use in it is so good. So I was done with

00:19:46.140 --> 00:19:47.799
the container. I put it on the ledge next to

00:19:47.799 --> 00:19:49.319
me. I was going to throw it away a little bit

00:19:49.319 --> 00:19:51.019
later, but I was in the middle of writing some

00:19:51.019 --> 00:19:53.500
stuff out, like I said, so I just left it there.

00:19:54.279 --> 00:19:58.329
One of the boys, he's maybe four or five, He

00:19:58.329 --> 00:20:00.690
walked up to me and kept making loud noises again,

00:20:00.750 --> 00:20:03.049
so I'm just being tortured and bombarded with

00:20:03.049 --> 00:20:05.369
people making all this noise. I'm surprised I

00:20:05.369 --> 00:20:08.569
got any writing done at all, honestly. So I see

00:20:08.569 --> 00:20:11.130
him reach for my empty B &G container that was

00:20:11.130 --> 00:20:15.289
full of leftover gravy. I would have normally

00:20:15.289 --> 00:20:17.970
stopped him, but one, I saw him too late, and

00:20:17.970 --> 00:20:19.789
number two, you know what, she could figure that

00:20:19.789 --> 00:20:23.029
out. He gets the gravy all over himself. One

00:20:23.029 --> 00:20:25.430
lady comes over and says really loudly, people

00:20:25.430 --> 00:20:27.920
need to pick up their trash. And she looks right

00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:31.640
at me. And I'm like thinking, you fucking bitch.

00:20:32.259 --> 00:20:34.660
I'm really sick of the dumbasses by now. So I

00:20:34.660 --> 00:20:36.819
just keep writing and not even batting an eye.

00:20:37.299 --> 00:20:40.440
I go to leave. You know what I mean? I just acted

00:20:40.440 --> 00:20:42.960
like I didn't hear her, see her, the children.

00:20:43.079 --> 00:20:44.900
I didn't even notice. I was just like, the best

00:20:44.900 --> 00:20:47.259
thing to do is just ignore them, just like the

00:20:47.259 --> 00:20:49.779
homeless guy. And he'll piss them off and they'll

00:20:49.779 --> 00:20:55.440
leave, right? So I go to leave maybe 10, 15 minutes

00:20:55.440 --> 00:20:57.940
later. And that same bitch yells, you're welcome.

00:20:58.359 --> 00:21:01.819
I'm like, oh, you did not. You did not fucking

00:21:01.819 --> 00:21:04.220
just do that. You know, I sit there and ignore

00:21:04.220 --> 00:21:06.700
your snide comments. Your little fucking brat

00:21:06.700 --> 00:21:09.420
comes over, digging around in my shit, screaming,

00:21:09.420 --> 00:21:12.259
trying to stomp pigeons to death, fucking yelling,

00:21:12.339 --> 00:21:14.619
waving his arms. And I'm not saying anything.

00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:16.839
I'm just sitting there being very polite and

00:21:16.839 --> 00:21:19.180
doing my own thing. And then she gets mad at

00:21:19.180 --> 00:21:20.940
me because they're a little fucking brat that

00:21:20.940 --> 00:21:23.859
she wouldn't watch her feral child come over

00:21:23.859 --> 00:21:26.880
and put his hands all over my fucking empty gravy

00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:32.640
container. Not my fucking fault. Okay, so she

00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:35.660
yells, you're welcome. I'm like, okay, you want

00:21:35.660 --> 00:21:38.759
attention? You'll get my attention. I then walk

00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:40.579
up to her and I informed her I was preparing

00:21:40.579 --> 00:21:43.019
her child for a life of washing dishes because

00:21:43.019 --> 00:21:45.880
he was doomed to a life of no direction from

00:21:45.880 --> 00:21:52.710
her. So, she stood there and looked funny. Well,

00:21:52.789 --> 00:21:54.950
she sat there. She sat there and looked funny

00:21:54.950 --> 00:21:57.349
and didn't know what to say. She just said, uh,

00:21:57.549 --> 00:22:00.250
uh, uh. So I turned around and I'm like, okay,

00:22:00.369 --> 00:22:02.769
yep, there you go, bitch. You just got fucking

00:22:02.769 --> 00:22:05.250
waxed because you wouldn't keep your mouth shut

00:22:05.250 --> 00:22:07.750
and everything was clearly your fucking fault.

00:22:12.140 --> 00:22:15.119
There were people around, but most of them had

00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:17.039
left because of all the noise. First the homeless

00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:19.460
guy and then the fucking five little brats screaming

00:22:19.460 --> 00:22:22.500
and throwing shit and all that. So most of them

00:22:22.500 --> 00:22:25.180
were gone except for her and the other lady and

00:22:25.180 --> 00:22:29.019
the children. There were a couple people inside

00:22:29.019 --> 00:22:33.440
the actual coffee house staying away from them.

00:22:33.460 --> 00:22:35.519
They were outside with me on the concourse. They

00:22:35.519 --> 00:22:38.279
went in to avoid them. Like I said, I was in

00:22:38.279 --> 00:22:40.670
no mood to run from anybody today. I was like,

00:22:40.730 --> 00:22:42.630
no, no, no, no, I'm not leaving because of these

00:22:42.630 --> 00:22:45.250
fuckwads. I'm staying here because I want to

00:22:45.250 --> 00:22:49.890
be here and I'm not moving. So I turn around

00:22:49.890 --> 00:22:52.269
and I start walking off to my car. She keeps

00:22:52.269 --> 00:22:54.509
throwing out insults, so I yell back, sure hope

00:22:54.509 --> 00:22:57.190
he has a strong father. Oh, wait, I bet he left.

00:22:58.309 --> 00:23:04.109
So then she looks funny. She kind of bats her

00:23:04.109 --> 00:23:06.670
eyes a couple times and she replied, he was killed

00:23:06.670 --> 00:23:13.730
by a drunk driver last year. Rob, what the fuck

00:23:13.730 --> 00:23:19.269
do you do to that? You know what I did? I got

00:23:19.269 --> 00:23:21.190
in my car, I blew my fucking horn and flipped

00:23:21.190 --> 00:23:23.789
her off. That's what I fucking did. Probably

00:23:23.789 --> 00:23:29.690
so. But if she wasn't, still, again, don't be

00:23:29.690 --> 00:23:32.549
a fucking bitch to me and don't be like that.

00:23:32.789 --> 00:23:34.829
I can't help that your husband was killed and

00:23:34.829 --> 00:23:37.630
I don't, if it's true. and I don't think it's

00:23:37.630 --> 00:23:40.210
funny, and I don't wish that on anybody, but

00:23:40.210 --> 00:23:42.049
at the same time, I'm not going to coddle you

00:23:42.049 --> 00:23:45.250
because that happened because you're clearly

00:23:45.250 --> 00:23:50.529
a complete bitch. Okay, here's my comment. Okay.

00:23:51.910 --> 00:23:56.589
If her husband got killed a year ago by a drunk

00:23:56.589 --> 00:24:00.769
driver, why does she ignore her son? She should

00:24:00.769 --> 00:24:03.789
be coddling that boy. That's it. You know what,

00:24:03.829 --> 00:24:07.029
Rob? That's a fucking fantastic point. That boy

00:24:07.029 --> 00:24:11.569
should be... Oh, yeah, he should be... Yeah.

00:24:12.109 --> 00:24:15.150
He shouldn't be a... He would be the one sitting

00:24:15.150 --> 00:24:19.670
there on his iPad. Yes. Yes, you're right. She

00:24:19.670 --> 00:24:21.650
would have been over there going, little Johnny,

00:24:21.710 --> 00:24:25.430
come here. Yeah, and she wouldn't be sitting

00:24:25.430 --> 00:24:27.910
on her fucking phone the whole time. Yeah, she

00:24:27.910 --> 00:24:30.430
didn't look very sad to me. She was too busy

00:24:30.430 --> 00:24:32.609
fucking looking at something on her phone, TikTok

00:24:32.609 --> 00:24:36.240
or some bullshit. Exactly. And I do feel sorry

00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:38.920
for those children. Those children are doomed

00:24:38.920 --> 00:24:41.660
for a life of probably problems because they

00:24:41.660 --> 00:24:45.839
got no, absolutely none attention. Not one ounce

00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:49.460
of attention from the parents, I guess. They

00:24:49.460 --> 00:24:51.460
look like parents. Unfortunately, there's kids

00:24:51.460 --> 00:24:55.039
like that everywhere. Yeah. There is. Yeah, so...

00:24:55.039 --> 00:25:00.119
Anyhow, you know what? I have more, but you know

00:25:00.119 --> 00:25:02.910
what? We're going... 19 minutes deep in this

00:25:02.910 --> 00:25:06.190
thing, so let's hear from you, Rob. All right.

00:25:08.730 --> 00:25:12.549
A man urinated on the altar of confession at

00:25:12.549 --> 00:25:17.950
Vatican City, St. Peter's Basilica during morning

00:25:17.950 --> 00:25:21.750
Holy Mass, stunning hundreds of worshippers.

00:25:24.269 --> 00:25:32.130
Yes, I said that. Okay. to escort the unidentified

00:25:32.130 --> 00:25:38.069
man as he pulled up his pants. The Vatican has

00:25:38.069 --> 00:25:41.329
yet to comment on Friday's incident, and authorities

00:25:41.329 --> 00:25:45.750
have not said if the man was arrested or charged.

00:25:46.549 --> 00:25:49.769
The altar of confession, which is positioned

00:25:49.769 --> 00:25:54.609
directly below Michelangelo's dome, is a sacred

00:25:54.609 --> 00:25:58.869
Catholic spot where the Pope celebrates major

00:25:58.869 --> 00:26:26.950
masses, in the past. In February, a man climbed

00:26:26.950 --> 00:26:32.849
the altar and knocked over six candelabras. In

00:26:32.849 --> 00:26:37.329
June 2023, a naked Polish man jumped on the altar

00:26:37.329 --> 00:26:41.509
with Save Children of Ukraine written on his

00:26:41.509 --> 00:26:45.849
back. After that incident, canon law required

00:26:45.849 --> 00:27:13.119
the back of the old ape. Oh my gosh. That's a

00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:17.700
picture I'm looking at. Well... I can't believe

00:27:17.700 --> 00:27:21.039
people do that. Yeah, that's very disrespectful.

00:27:21.059 --> 00:27:24.700
But as for the Vatican goes, I'm sorry. Besides

00:27:24.700 --> 00:27:27.599
a lot of... I agree. They need to look into their

00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:30.920
security. Yeah, yeah. And also, I don't feel

00:27:30.920 --> 00:27:33.240
sorry for the Vatican at all. I don't think that

00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:35.200
should be done in a house of God at all. No,

00:27:35.279 --> 00:27:37.740
not at all. I don't find that funny. I think

00:27:37.740 --> 00:27:40.640
the guy that did that is evil and all this. But...

00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:44.440
The Vatican, besides, you know, all the sex scandals

00:27:44.440 --> 00:27:46.480
and all that, some friends of mine went there

00:27:46.480 --> 00:27:48.160
to go visit the Vatican, and they wouldn't let

00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:52.480
them in because they had visible tattoos. They

00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:55.640
wouldn't let somebody in the house of God. I

00:27:55.640 --> 00:27:59.940
would have to go in the house of God. Well, yeah,

00:28:00.059 --> 00:28:03.039
yeah. I can get in the house of God. But to me,

00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:06.700
I had no respect for that at all. I thought that

00:28:06.700 --> 00:28:10.119
that was horrible. You don't turn down someone.

00:28:10.700 --> 00:28:13.880
You don't know. That person may need help. He

00:28:13.880 --> 00:28:17.039
may need help from someone from God. He probably

00:28:17.039 --> 00:28:19.279
needs help from God, this person. And you're

00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:21.819
going to deny them? Jesus didn't walk around

00:28:21.819 --> 00:28:24.279
and go, if they had tattoos back then or whatever,

00:28:24.480 --> 00:28:26.940
branding or whatever it was. Jesus didn't walk

00:28:26.940 --> 00:28:29.480
around and go, I'm not going to try to help you

00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:32.579
because you look a certain way. He went to the

00:28:32.579 --> 00:28:34.900
sinners. He wanted the sinners. He didn't want

00:28:34.900 --> 00:28:36.940
the people that were living the right track.

00:28:37.369 --> 00:28:40.130
He wanted the sinners. So if the Vatican thought

00:28:40.130 --> 00:28:42.910
that this was so fucking evil, why didn't they

00:28:42.910 --> 00:28:47.190
let them in first? Right. Yeah. If they think

00:28:47.190 --> 00:28:49.329
tattoos are that evil, then they should have

00:28:49.329 --> 00:28:51.269
let them in first. They should have tried to

00:28:51.269 --> 00:28:55.609
save them. But no. No. Their stupid ass tradition,

00:28:55.849 --> 00:28:58.750
in my opinion, prevented them from doing that.

00:29:00.049 --> 00:29:03.230
So, anyhow, I don't agree with the guy pissing

00:29:03.230 --> 00:29:05.609
in there or nothing like that. Because, like

00:29:05.609 --> 00:29:07.630
I said, that's a house of God. That is sacred.

00:29:07.769 --> 00:29:13.190
You don't do that. Shame on everybody on that

00:29:13.190 --> 00:29:15.690
one. Yeah, really. Absolutely. I agree with that.

00:29:16.089 --> 00:29:19.910
Absolutely. So, anyhow. And if you're Catholic,

00:29:20.029 --> 00:29:23.869
I'm sorry. But you know what? I mean, hey, that's

00:29:23.869 --> 00:29:25.789
just the way I feel. I don't hate Catholics or

00:29:25.789 --> 00:29:27.849
nothing. I just think, like, the Vatican is very

00:29:27.849 --> 00:29:31.670
misled in a lot of areas. But so are a lot of

00:29:31.670 --> 00:29:38.819
religions. Sorry, Ant. If you're listening. I'm

00:29:38.819 --> 00:29:42.359
sure she is. It's our understanding that we are

00:29:42.359 --> 00:29:47.180
Aunt Loretta's favorite podcast, right? Yes,

00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:51.220
yes. Yeah, yeah. And she would be a hit out of

00:29:51.220 --> 00:29:54.059
Lee's Summit. Okay, hang on here. Let me see

00:29:54.059 --> 00:29:57.960
here. Oh, okay. I had an email. Yeah, let's see.

00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:00.539
This is Aunt Loretta. I love your guys' podcast

00:30:00.539 --> 00:30:07.210
very, very much. Thank you for doing it. Ed,

00:30:07.210 --> 00:30:11.130
you okay? Okay, go ahead. I just had to break

00:30:11.130 --> 00:30:14.609
up a dog fight over food. Oh, okay. Sorry. Well,

00:30:14.690 --> 00:30:18.309
I'm glad your Aunt Loretta listens and breaks

00:30:18.309 --> 00:30:22.470
off emails. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, let's go ahead

00:30:22.470 --> 00:30:24.769
and take our first break, and we will come back

00:30:24.769 --> 00:30:28.910
with a few emails. Sounds good. All right, we'll

00:30:28.910 --> 00:30:33.990
be right back. Oh, real quick, real quick. The

00:30:33.990 --> 00:30:39.480
new guy is on suspension right now. Good. After

00:30:39.480 --> 00:30:42.480
that last one? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he might be

00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:45.079
back. It depends on when he comes groveling back

00:30:45.079 --> 00:30:47.519
to me what he says. And I'm going to have you

00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:50.099
on a video phone, and we're going to decide whether

00:30:50.099 --> 00:30:52.099
we're going to take him back or not. But right

00:30:52.099 --> 00:30:54.779
now he's on suspension. No new guy segment today.

00:30:55.039 --> 00:31:02.880
So, all right, we'll be right back now. Oh, hey,

00:31:03.000 --> 00:31:06.000
look at the time. It's time for the crazy -ass

00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:11.349
word of the day. I just made a belt out of all

00:31:11.349 --> 00:31:14.769
my old watches. Wow, that's unique. Yeah, it

00:31:14.769 --> 00:31:18.690
was a waste of time. Your mama's so stupid, she

00:31:18.690 --> 00:31:21.930
thought lightsabers were less calories. Hey,

00:31:21.930 --> 00:31:24.730
my fellow heavy breathers, this is Dash Riptide,

00:31:24.970 --> 00:31:30.549
your music news. Hey, this is Dash Riptide here.

00:31:30.710 --> 00:31:32.789
I thought I'd let you all know, all you music

00:31:32.789 --> 00:31:36.329
fans, that I pre -ordered the Aussie book, brand

00:31:36.329 --> 00:31:39.779
new. coming out October 7th. It's called Last

00:31:39.779 --> 00:31:42.400
Rites. I think it's going to be phenomenal, from

00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:44.799
what I read, and you should get it too if you're

00:31:44.799 --> 00:31:47.880
a fan. This is Gash Ruktein, and that was your

00:31:47.880 --> 00:31:51.019
music news. If it's too loud, you probably have

00:31:51.019 --> 00:32:00.700
ear damage, just like me. Have you ever wondered

00:32:00.700 --> 00:32:02.920
what something came about? Have you ever looked

00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:05.180
at something and said, I wonder what the origin

00:32:05.180 --> 00:32:08.920
of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give

00:32:08.920 --> 00:32:15.380
you The Origin of. The Origin of the Goatee.

00:32:15.380 --> 00:32:17.599
The Goatee is a beard style that dates back to

00:32:17.599 --> 00:32:20.400
ancient Greece and Rome and is named for its

00:32:20.400 --> 00:32:23.920
resemblance to a goat's beard. The Goatee has

00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:26.039
been worn by many famous men throughout history,

00:32:26.099 --> 00:32:29.720
including Uncle Sam, Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock.

00:32:30.190 --> 00:32:32.549
The god Pam was often depicted with a goatee,

00:32:32.549 --> 00:32:35.210
and in medieval and renaissance art, Satan was

00:32:35.210 --> 00:32:38.069
depicted with a goatee as well. The goatee became

00:32:38.069 --> 00:32:41.650
popular again in the 1940s as a defining trait

00:32:41.650 --> 00:32:44.890
of the beatniks and jazz musicians. It fell out

00:32:44.890 --> 00:32:47.730
of favor again in the 1960s, but became fashionable

00:32:47.730 --> 00:32:51.369
again in the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee

00:32:51.369 --> 00:32:54.509
originated in the late 20th century. It was originally

00:32:54.509 --> 00:32:59.470
called a goatee. You watch the news. It looks

00:32:59.470 --> 00:33:03.490
grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest

00:33:03.490 --> 00:33:06.650
you download all our podcasts beforehand and

00:33:06.650 --> 00:33:10.529
have multiple mobile chargers. We have the post

00:33:10.529 --> 00:33:16.049
-apocalypse. One of the most overlooked post

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and metal canisters. one in your bunker and the

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trees or natural clearings, gauze, salve, ointment,

00:33:30.980 --> 00:33:34.900
antibiotics, sutures, thread, needles, sharp

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now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret

00:33:52.140 --> 00:33:55.059
bunker in Camderton, Missouri. Also receive a

00:33:55.059 --> 00:33:58.000
free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage

00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:04.700
for Food. The regular Joe Q. public may believe

00:34:04.700 --> 00:34:07.480
anything he hears and sees. But not here at Two

00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:10.019
Deuce Bags Microphone. Here at Two Deuce Bags

00:34:10.019 --> 00:34:12.460
Microphone, we question everything. That's why

00:34:12.460 --> 00:34:14.420
we have a little segment we'd like to call, I

00:34:14.420 --> 00:34:17.880
Call Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

00:34:19.260 --> 00:34:22.099
So, let's get this straight. Walmart has settled

00:34:22.099 --> 00:34:25.460
a $45 million lawsuit over alleged overcharging

00:34:25.460 --> 00:34:29.360
customers with weight deception. Walmart claims

00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:32.440
they had no wrongdoing. Okay, let's say you're

00:34:32.440 --> 00:34:35.460
going down a 55 -mile stretch of a highway. you're

00:34:35.460 --> 00:34:38.659
going exactly 55 miles an hour. The cop stops

00:34:38.659 --> 00:34:41.739
you and says, you are not going over the speed

00:34:41.739 --> 00:34:44.019
limit, but I'd like to write you a ticket anyhow.

00:34:44.960 --> 00:34:48.079
Would you agree to that? No fucking way would

00:34:48.079 --> 00:34:50.380
you agree to that. So in my opinion, Walmart

00:34:50.380 --> 00:34:53.340
is full of shit. This is a company that has allegedly

00:34:53.340 --> 00:34:56.179
paid as little as possible for their help, notorious

00:34:56.179 --> 00:34:58.639
for employees not giving a shit. Now they're

00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:01.599
innocent. I call bullshit and a story. Walmart,

00:35:01.739 --> 00:35:03.940
you suck, and now you try to get people to inspect

00:35:03.940 --> 00:35:06.159
your receipt and shopping bags on the way out?

00:35:06.300 --> 00:35:08.920
I don't pay a membership, assholes. I don't have

00:35:08.920 --> 00:35:11.139
to consent to this bullshit. I have a simple

00:35:11.139 --> 00:35:13.480
solution. How about I stop all trade with you?

00:35:14.320 --> 00:35:16.500
One day, you will be an afterthought, and as

00:35:16.500 --> 00:35:18.820
soon as people wake up, you will no longer be

00:35:18.820 --> 00:35:21.639
in existence. Walmart, here's a big fuck you.

00:35:36.460 --> 00:35:38.940
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark here

00:35:38.940 --> 00:35:41.400
in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap

00:35:41.400 --> 00:35:48.719
studio. And I am Robert the Beautiful, manual

00:35:48.719 --> 00:35:51.239
arm of Lake of the Ozarks and the Duck Blind

00:35:51.239 --> 00:35:57.079
studio. All right. Want to get to some emails?

00:35:58.440 --> 00:36:03.820
All right. Mark, have you ever been caught jerking

00:36:03.820 --> 00:36:08.269
off in a closet? Charles in New York. No, it's

00:36:08.269 --> 00:36:12.630
a great place, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, you never

00:36:12.630 --> 00:36:14.750
get caught in the closet. No, no, it's fucking

00:36:14.750 --> 00:36:18.610
fantastic. Yep. Yeah, I did it right before I

00:36:18.610 --> 00:36:23.030
got in this podcast room. It was awesome. I don't

00:36:23.030 --> 00:36:25.309
know what his point is. I did it this morning

00:36:25.309 --> 00:36:29.750
before work. In the closet, right? No, I had

00:36:29.750 --> 00:36:33.289
to. The princess was here. Oh, okay. No, I'm

00:36:33.289 --> 00:36:37.340
kidding. I know, I know. It was funny. I know

00:36:37.340 --> 00:36:43.099
you're joking. I'll just go on with you. I don't

00:36:43.099 --> 00:36:45.099
know why you need to know that information, Charles,

00:36:45.199 --> 00:36:47.139
in New York, but thank you. That sounds like

00:36:47.139 --> 00:36:52.719
a fake name to me. But anyhow. Okay. Rob, please

00:36:52.719 --> 00:36:55.780
get long dreadlocks and wear them in your loincloth.

00:36:56.280 --> 00:37:00.500
Samuel Juarez, Polk County. Polk County is a

00:37:00.500 --> 00:37:04.190
Tampa area, I do believe. I guess Grady Judd,

00:37:04.190 --> 00:37:13.010
the big bad sheriff. There's a Polk County, Missouri.

00:37:13.570 --> 00:37:16.329
Oh, maybe it's Polk County, Missouri. Okay. All

00:37:16.329 --> 00:37:20.349
right. It's probably that. Well, that's down

00:37:20.349 --> 00:37:23.429
around the area where, well, not far from where

00:37:23.429 --> 00:37:26.409
I'm getting ready to move. Or it could be any

00:37:26.409 --> 00:37:28.369
place. Yeah, I'd like to know which Polk County.

00:37:30.130 --> 00:37:39.750
Because isn't... Yeah, I think it is. Down around?

00:37:39.969 --> 00:37:43.730
Yeah. Okay, so you go to Jasper County and you

00:37:43.730 --> 00:37:46.130
go one over. I do think you're right. I think

00:37:46.130 --> 00:37:49.230
it is Polk County. Yeah. Yeah, I do believe so.

00:37:49.469 --> 00:37:52.789
You can give me emails. I'll check it out. It

00:37:52.789 --> 00:37:55.630
doesn't say. It just says Polk County. So Samuel

00:37:55.630 --> 00:37:58.690
Juarez. Oh, yeah. Yeah, down around Bolivar.

00:37:59.849 --> 00:38:05.500
Okay. And if it's from Missouri. Samuel, write

00:38:05.500 --> 00:38:07.739
us back if you hear this and let us know which

00:38:07.739 --> 00:38:10.559
one it is. Yeah, because I'm getting ready to

00:38:10.559 --> 00:38:16.179
move to Wheatland in Missouri. Well, there you

00:38:16.179 --> 00:38:19.719
go. Maybe he can show you his dreadlocks and

00:38:19.719 --> 00:38:24.059
his loincloth, right? Yeah. All right, Sam. There

00:38:24.059 --> 00:38:28.780
you go. Samuel, whatever. All right. The next

00:38:28.780 --> 00:38:31.380
one. Are you doing the I Call Bullshit segment

00:38:31.380 --> 00:38:34.550
anymore? Terry in Stone County. I just put one

00:38:34.550 --> 00:38:39.409
in. It was an old one, but I put, I recirculated

00:38:39.409 --> 00:38:41.269
them because not everybody here is the same shows.

00:38:42.429 --> 00:38:44.849
And that was in the last podcast. So, yeah, I'm

00:38:44.849 --> 00:38:47.409
keeping them going. I've got a new one I'm working

00:38:47.409 --> 00:38:51.050
on right now. It's called, I call Bullshit on

00:38:51.050 --> 00:38:54.929
the Government Shutdown. So, that's in the works.

00:38:55.929 --> 00:39:03.179
The thing is... Not really. And here's why. If

00:39:03.179 --> 00:39:07.320
I was taken aside, it would be political. But

00:39:07.320 --> 00:39:09.320
I'm not taken aside, because what I'm doing is

00:39:09.320 --> 00:39:12.780
I'm demonstrating both sides do it, and both

00:39:12.780 --> 00:39:14.980
sides don't give a shit whether it hurts the

00:39:14.980 --> 00:39:16.659
American public or not, and I'm fucking tired

00:39:16.659 --> 00:39:19.800
of it. So yeah, I'm still doing I Call Bullshit,

00:39:19.820 --> 00:39:23.539
and you'll hear it at Perry and Stone County.

00:39:23.619 --> 00:39:26.460
Stone County is right down from Polk County,

00:39:26.619 --> 00:39:35.449
isn't it? Reed Springs, that's it. Yeah, I used

00:39:35.449 --> 00:39:38.750
to live in Reed Springs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kimberling

00:39:38.750 --> 00:39:43.289
City and Branson West. Shit, what's that? Hell,

00:39:43.289 --> 00:39:45.750
I can't think of it. Shell Knob is in there,

00:39:45.750 --> 00:39:52.789
too. Yeah, I see. Oh, well. Okay, never mind.

00:39:52.989 --> 00:39:57.329
Yeah, no, it's down around outside Branson. Yeah,

00:39:57.329 --> 00:40:02.699
yep. Next one. I can't believe Detroit's bitching

00:40:02.699 --> 00:40:05.159
about the Chiefs. Late hits, poor sportsmanship

00:40:05.159 --> 00:40:07.659
and all. They need to look in the mirror. Jess

00:40:07.659 --> 00:40:11.820
in Colorado Springs. Okay, yes, Jess. All right.

00:40:13.780 --> 00:40:16.900
Number one, Colorado Springs is beautiful. Thank

00:40:16.900 --> 00:40:19.239
you for writing in, Jess. I'm surprised you wrote

00:40:19.239 --> 00:40:21.380
in for the Chiefs. I figure you'd be a Broncos

00:40:21.380 --> 00:40:24.400
fan. Maybe you're from here. I don't know. Okay,

00:40:24.480 --> 00:40:26.320
because Colorado Springs is just outside the

00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:29.559
Denver area. But the good thing is, somebody's

00:40:29.559 --> 00:40:33.559
actually taken up for them. Yeah, no, no. Yeah,

00:40:33.679 --> 00:40:36.579
it's nice. Okay, let me tell you what's going

00:40:36.579 --> 00:40:40.699
on. Oh, go ahead. I was just going to say, what

00:40:40.699 --> 00:40:44.119
I think is going on, I think it's dumbass refs

00:40:44.119 --> 00:40:48.739
again. It's not. The only ones they're going

00:40:48.739 --> 00:40:52.460
to talk about is Chiefs. I think it's dumbass

00:40:52.460 --> 00:40:54.820
refs again. I think it's probably going on in

00:40:54.820 --> 00:40:59.719
every game. Yeah, it is. And like I said last

00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:03.710
one, on the last show. The guys that do this,

00:41:03.730 --> 00:41:05.590
not everybody can do it. Not very many people

00:41:05.590 --> 00:41:08.190
can do it. Exactly. You have to have an eagle

00:41:08.190 --> 00:41:13.769
eye. Yeah. So, and also, the other thing is this

00:41:13.769 --> 00:41:16.650
right here. What Detroit is doing is the classic

00:41:16.650 --> 00:41:20.030
heat reversal. People are going, man, you guys

00:41:20.030 --> 00:41:22.030
are playing dirty. Look at it. Late hit, and

00:41:22.030 --> 00:41:25.630
then you punched him. You slapped one of our

00:41:25.630 --> 00:41:27.989
guys when he's trying to make peace and shake

00:41:27.989 --> 00:41:30.420
hands and all that. You know, All this stuff,

00:41:30.619 --> 00:41:32.539
ditch Mahomes, wouldn't even look at, you know,

00:41:32.559 --> 00:41:36.039
all this stuff. It's heat reversal. People are

00:41:36.039 --> 00:41:37.679
looking at him going, man, you guys are sore

00:41:37.679 --> 00:41:39.860
losers and you're dirty. And they're going to,

00:41:39.880 --> 00:41:42.280
they go, oh, no, the Chiefs were looking dirty.

00:41:42.420 --> 00:41:45.260
They hit, you know, they bullied, what did he

00:41:45.260 --> 00:41:48.380
say, bullied Branch? Brian Branch said he was

00:41:48.380 --> 00:41:51.860
bullied? No. No, no. What it is is you got fucking

00:41:51.860 --> 00:41:54.699
schooled is what it is. When you get bullied,

00:41:54.760 --> 00:41:59.940
you got schooled. Yeah, I read that story. Yeah,

00:41:59.940 --> 00:42:04.719
it's complete bullshit. And it's an excuse for

00:42:04.719 --> 00:42:08.519
poor play and getting schooled. The Chiefs banked

00:42:08.519 --> 00:42:11.260
them in front of a national audience, and they

00:42:11.260 --> 00:42:16.119
didn't like it. Right. It's a cheap way out.

00:42:16.440 --> 00:42:19.639
Well, we may have laid hit, but they started

00:42:19.639 --> 00:42:23.800
it. And then, also, it's idiotic by nature, if

00:42:23.800 --> 00:42:27.320
you think about what they're saying. Mm -hmm.

00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:31.099
Yeah, so the Chiefs got with all the referees

00:42:31.099 --> 00:42:34.119
and everyone, they're all with it. They're all

00:42:34.119 --> 00:42:36.480
in on it. All the referees get together. You

00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:40.159
know what? I'm starting to see a pattern here.

00:42:40.420 --> 00:42:49.559
Okay. Detroit. Buffalo. Uh -huh. Cleveland. Uh

00:42:49.559 --> 00:42:53.139
-huh. They all do the same thing to the Chiefs.

00:42:53.840 --> 00:43:07.880
Wine? Yeah. Well, to me, it's an excuse to keep

00:43:07.880 --> 00:43:11.860
losing to the same team. Exactly. You can't go,

00:43:11.960 --> 00:43:16.920
well, here's to them. They're kicking ass. Happy

00:43:16.920 --> 00:43:19.260
for them. We're going to try to get ours. No

00:43:19.260 --> 00:43:20.639
offense, but we're going to try to beat your

00:43:20.639 --> 00:43:25.019
ass. No, no. Instead, anymore, they've got to

00:43:25.019 --> 00:43:27.699
go whine and cry and act like they've been wronged

00:43:27.699 --> 00:43:29.940
when they very simply just got their ass beat.

00:43:29.980 --> 00:43:31.599
If they just owned it, they'd be more of a man.

00:43:31.739 --> 00:43:35.099
A hell of a lot more of a man. Yeah, those referees,

00:43:35.099 --> 00:43:36.940
all of them are in cahoots together. They all

00:43:36.940 --> 00:43:39.440
got together every game before the Chiefs, and

00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:41.719
they talked. They call them on conference calls.

00:43:41.880 --> 00:43:44.039
They all get together and go, we got to go for

00:43:44.039 --> 00:43:46.599
the Chiefs. Every game, we got to favor the Chiefs.

00:43:47.780 --> 00:43:51.300
That's not happening. And all 32 other team owners.

00:43:51.320 --> 00:43:53.500
Yeah, the Chiefs gives half the ticket sales

00:43:53.500 --> 00:43:56.980
to the Rebs, yeah. Yes, and all other 32 team

00:43:56.980 --> 00:43:59.159
owners agreed. Yeah, the Chiefs are going to

00:43:59.159 --> 00:44:02.019
just keep getting it. We don't want it. No, no.

00:44:02.400 --> 00:44:04.380
I'm telling you what, if there was a big goose

00:44:04.380 --> 00:44:06.619
like that, there would be other owners going,

00:44:06.699 --> 00:44:10.659
no, no, no, it's my turn to win. Yeah. How come

00:44:10.659 --> 00:44:13.320
that's not happening? It's because you guys are

00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:16.659
making up shit. You cannot accept that this little

00:44:16.659 --> 00:44:20.179
podunk flyover fucking city, the one that you

00:44:20.179 --> 00:44:22.639
never want to hear from, we're supposed to be

00:44:22.639 --> 00:44:25.099
there but not heard, and they don't, you know,

00:44:25.159 --> 00:44:29.599
we're kicking your ass. You don't like it. Man

00:44:29.599 --> 00:44:32.590
up. That's all I got with that. Alright, and

00:44:32.590 --> 00:44:35.130
finally, last one. Why isn't Rob doing more of

00:44:35.130 --> 00:44:37.389
the comedy segments? Keep hearing the same old

00:44:37.389 --> 00:44:44.110
ones. Josh and Holden. Okay, I will answer that.

00:44:44.710 --> 00:44:50.809
Okay. Because I've been pretty busy lately. You

00:44:50.809 --> 00:44:54.070
know, being princess, and now we're getting married,

00:44:54.269 --> 00:45:06.800
and now we have two weddings before. time to

00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:11.739
do any of the promos. We have some ready. I just

00:45:11.739 --> 00:45:18.239
have not had the time. Now I'm working 7 to 5

00:45:18.239 --> 00:45:21.480
and I only have so much time before I can do

00:45:21.480 --> 00:45:35.630
the podcast. I'm just busy right now. Rob, number

00:45:35.630 --> 00:45:37.750
one, thank you for explaining that because I'm

00:45:37.750 --> 00:45:40.610
done explaining it. I mean, how many times do

00:45:40.610 --> 00:45:43.429
I have to go, you know, we have lives, we're

00:45:43.429 --> 00:45:45.989
busy, we have things going on. Yes, yes, yes.

00:45:46.230 --> 00:45:49.670
I have over a thousand different parody bits

00:45:49.670 --> 00:45:54.989
on this computer. I see where they're coming

00:45:54.989 --> 00:45:58.409
from. I do not have any. I can't yell at them

00:45:58.409 --> 00:46:01.030
because they care. And I appreciate that. I know,

00:46:01.030 --> 00:46:05.190
I know. You know, I'm not that far removed. I

00:46:05.190 --> 00:46:07.409
appreciate that. I'm not that far removed from

00:46:07.409 --> 00:46:09.550
going out of town all the time for work and also

00:46:09.550 --> 00:46:12.030
having two houses I had to keep up. I'm still

00:46:12.030 --> 00:46:16.730
getting caught up here. So, you know, I'm still

00:46:16.730 --> 00:46:18.989
way behind. I got so much thing. I have so many

00:46:18.989 --> 00:46:20.750
things to do out there. I just don't have enough

00:46:20.750 --> 00:46:23.710
time. And plus, with this podcast, we will get

00:46:23.710 --> 00:46:26.769
to it. We will. Like I said, I have over a thousand.

00:46:35.239 --> 00:46:38.139
Oh, shit. Thanksgiving, day after Thanksgiving,

00:46:38.239 --> 00:46:41.159
my wedding, and Christmas. Do you remember his

00:46:41.159 --> 00:46:45.940
name? I threw away the... I just... I just crumpled

00:46:45.940 --> 00:46:49.840
it up. There's a movie between now and the wedding.

00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:57.519
Is that all? Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Josh and Holden.

00:46:59.219 --> 00:47:02.500
Holden, Missouri. Yeah, Holden, Missouri. I'm

00:47:02.500 --> 00:47:24.760
pretty sure. No, my... Okay. And my aunt's still

00:47:24.760 --> 00:47:31.900
big with the alumni. Yeah, and my cousins, well,

00:47:32.000 --> 00:47:37.760
they're dad's size of family, holding. Yeah,

00:47:37.780 --> 00:47:40.619
I know holding very well. Actually, a friend

00:47:40.619 --> 00:47:44.619
of mine, Angel, if she listens, last time I heard,

00:47:44.719 --> 00:47:49.420
she lived in holding. Oh, okay. Well, Josh, thank

00:47:49.420 --> 00:47:51.539
you. We're working on it. All right, Rob? Thank

00:47:51.539 --> 00:47:59.800
you. Yeah, I just get frustrated because I get

00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:02.940
this email more than anything, and it's like,

00:48:03.079 --> 00:48:05.920
you know, I try to explain to people, but you

00:48:05.920 --> 00:48:08.039
know what? Like I said earlier, I've got to remember

00:48:08.039 --> 00:48:11.360
this. Not everybody listens to every show, and

00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:12.880
they may not have heard it, and they may just

00:48:12.880 --> 00:48:14.539
be thinking we're slacking or something, but

00:48:14.539 --> 00:48:16.860
no, that's not. So, Josh, if you hear this, that's

00:48:16.860 --> 00:48:18.579
what's going on. Anyone else, if you hear this,

00:48:18.639 --> 00:48:31.980
that's what's going on. Yeah, yeah. And Topher

00:48:31.980 --> 00:48:35.920
and I are also going to continue our podcast,

00:48:36.059 --> 00:48:39.900
too. It's just right now we're at a very busy

00:48:39.900 --> 00:48:44.199
time. Yes, a lot of stuff going on. So, Josh,

00:48:44.400 --> 00:48:48.280
thank you. Rob, let's turn it to you. Okay, wait

00:48:48.280 --> 00:48:55.480
a second. No other emails? That's it. No Mitch?

00:48:55.940 --> 00:49:01.460
No Mitch. Okay. Ronnie cannot. I got it. Ronnie

00:49:01.460 --> 00:49:05.320
is really, really, really busy right now. Yeah,

00:49:05.320 --> 00:49:08.139
I understand Ronnie. Yeah, you know, he's got

00:49:08.139 --> 00:49:10.659
a lot of stuff going on. Yeah, kind of like all

00:49:10.659 --> 00:49:14.400
of us. Yeah, so I'm not after him, but Mitch

00:49:14.400 --> 00:49:18.320
is just being a dick. No, well, let me say so.

00:49:50.599 --> 00:49:52.780
Okay, Mitch, there you go. It doesn't get any

00:49:52.780 --> 00:49:54.880
better than that. Rob apologized even though

00:49:54.880 --> 00:50:00.880
he really didn't need to. So, yeah, so Mitch,

00:50:00.940 --> 00:50:04.579
I guess, is still mad. I mean, he sent that one

00:50:04.579 --> 00:50:06.699
email saying that we're clowning him too much.

00:50:06.699 --> 00:50:10.500
He didn't appreciate it. And then he never answered

00:50:10.500 --> 00:50:12.599
back after I sent him a couple emails, and they

00:50:12.599 --> 00:50:14.699
weren't bad either. I just told him, I said,

00:50:14.760 --> 00:50:17.219
dude, you make fun of me constantly. You're always

00:50:17.219 --> 00:50:20.320
bagging on me. And I even say it on the show.

00:50:20.599 --> 00:50:23.239
I don't try to hide it. And then we jab him a

00:50:23.239 --> 00:50:25.599
couple of times and he gets all pissy. I mean,

00:50:25.699 --> 00:50:29.460
seriously. I want to know who you are in real

00:50:29.460 --> 00:50:35.980
life, Mitch. I want to know who you are. Mitch,

00:50:35.980 --> 00:50:39.019
if nothing else, just send me your name. We won't

00:50:39.019 --> 00:50:42.159
even say it on this podcast. I'll send it to

00:50:42.159 --> 00:50:46.380
Rob. Anyhow, all right, let's move on, Rob. You

00:50:46.380 --> 00:50:53.739
got something? Yes, I do. All righty. I have

00:50:53.739 --> 00:51:06.300
tonight Rob's bag of garbage. Yay! Okay, let's

00:51:06.300 --> 00:51:10.239
reach in and see what I pull out. Oh, hang on,

00:51:10.280 --> 00:51:13.199
hang on, hang on. I thought of something. Are

00:51:13.199 --> 00:51:14.860
you reaching in right now, the bag of garbage?

00:51:15.300 --> 00:51:21.760
Yes, yes, yes. Did you find something, Bob? Oh,

00:51:21.760 --> 00:51:25.340
oh, oh, oh, I've got my hands on it. All right,

00:51:25.659 --> 00:51:51.760
here we are. All right, good. How old was he,

00:51:51.780 --> 00:51:58.599
does it say? He was born in 1926, 1958. He actually

00:51:58.599 --> 00:52:00.219
lived longer than I thought he was going to.

00:52:00.239 --> 00:52:05.480
32. 32. Oh, yeah, it says it down here, 32. Okay.

00:52:05.659 --> 00:52:12.840
His size was the result of a glandular disorder

00:52:12.840 --> 00:52:16.480
that caused his body to store abnormal amounts

00:52:16.480 --> 00:52:29.780
of fat from a young age. Oh, man. of his life

00:52:29.780 --> 00:52:36.579
wow yeah no pain no health no nothing jeez he

00:52:36.579 --> 00:53:04.539
lived with his family Measles. Okay. Yeah. And

00:53:04.539 --> 00:53:10.280
his specially built coffin required over a dozen

00:53:10.280 --> 00:53:14.260
men to carry him. Remember, both for his remarkable

00:53:14.260 --> 00:53:18.420
size and his resilience, he remains a figure

00:53:18.420 --> 00:53:21.860
of medical and human interest decades later.

00:53:23.519 --> 00:53:26.599
Wow. What was his name again? You know what?

00:53:26.659 --> 00:53:29.219
Let's give him a little salute. He got a tough

00:53:29.219 --> 00:53:32.940
deal. Robert Burns. Robert Earl Hughes. From

00:53:32.940 --> 00:53:36.119
Illinois. We remember you today here on Two Douchebags

00:53:36.119 --> 00:53:42.340
and Microphone, and we salute you for your perseverance,

00:53:42.840 --> 00:53:49.519
you know, for just dealing with that. All right.

00:53:49.559 --> 00:53:51.280
Go ahead, Rob. You getting ready to reach into

00:53:51.280 --> 00:53:58.719
the bag again? Yes, I am. Okay. Are you finding

00:53:58.719 --> 00:54:17.369
one? Okay. See, I don't know why some of this

00:54:17.369 --> 00:54:19.210
is garbage. They call it garbage. It's in the

00:54:19.210 --> 00:54:21.929
garbage. I don't know why. I don't know either.

00:54:22.530 --> 00:54:25.829
We may have to change the name of this. We'll

00:54:25.829 --> 00:54:46.719
see. Okay. Rob's bag of gold. I don't know. This

00:54:46.719 --> 00:54:55.480
meant Hattie McDaniel, which was the, we'll say

00:54:55.480 --> 00:55:01.139
the housekeeper, main housekeeper, we'll put

00:55:01.139 --> 00:55:25.429
it that way. good for him the studio afraid of

00:55:25.429 --> 00:56:02.300
losing removed the sides good Very cool. That's

00:56:02.300 --> 00:56:06.500
a great story, Rob. But I'll tell you what. There

00:56:06.500 --> 00:56:09.659
is some garbage in the garbage. I'm telling you.

00:56:09.920 --> 00:56:14.820
Okay. Well, it's just a gag, Rob's bag of garbage.

00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:17.119
What we're basically saying is little stories

00:56:17.119 --> 00:56:19.219
here and there. That's what we're basically saying.

00:56:19.380 --> 00:56:23.840
That story was definitely not garbage. Oh, yeah.

00:56:24.159 --> 00:56:28.380
It's just a joke. All right. You got any more?

00:56:31.889 --> 00:56:37.349
Okay. All right. Sounds good. I've got a Jeffy

00:56:37.349 --> 00:56:41.670
X list. Yes. So I'll go ahead and do it right

00:56:41.670 --> 00:56:43.190
now. Then we'll take our next break and then

00:56:43.190 --> 00:56:45.250
come back with something from you. Sound all

00:56:45.250 --> 00:56:49.769
right? Sounds great. Okay. Well, the X. I got

00:56:49.769 --> 00:56:53.710
a good one. Okay, good. Jeffy X list comes after

00:56:53.710 --> 00:56:56.889
this story. Okay. Holiday Inn Express guests

00:56:56.889 --> 00:56:59.369
in Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Thailand,

00:56:59.429 --> 00:57:02.190
and Japan. or trying out a new concept in the

00:57:02.190 --> 00:57:05.090
wake -up call category. The New York Post reported

00:57:05.090 --> 00:57:08.429
on October 1st, the breakfast alarm clock will

00:57:08.429 --> 00:57:10.949
wake up sleepy customers with the smells of their

00:57:10.949 --> 00:57:14.230
favorite breakfast items. People can choose aromas

00:57:14.230 --> 00:57:17.590
including coffee, bacon, blueberry muffin, mango,

00:57:17.769 --> 00:57:21.409
or pear. The device works like a diffuser, releasing

00:57:21.409 --> 00:57:24.150
the scent at the desired time. Holiday Inn commissioned

00:57:24.150 --> 00:57:27.719
research that showed 58 % of travelers in the

00:57:27.719 --> 00:57:30.300
Asia Pacific region said a pleasant smell would

00:57:30.300 --> 00:57:35.099
make them feel better as they woke up. So, you

00:57:35.099 --> 00:57:37.039
know, we all know that the power of scent is

00:57:37.039 --> 00:57:40.119
great because with a coffee or fresh croissant

00:57:40.119 --> 00:57:43.760
in the morning can really, really make you happier

00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:48.099
than what you were. So, and according to this,

00:57:48.219 --> 00:57:51.679
Jeffy X heard about this story and he sent me

00:57:51.679 --> 00:57:57.050
a list of scent alarms that failed. So these

00:57:57.050 --> 00:57:59.510
were scents. That sounds good. Yeah, yeah. So

00:57:59.510 --> 00:58:02.070
these were scents that they were working on to

00:58:02.070 --> 00:58:04.550
wake people up with maybe Holiday Inn Express

00:58:04.550 --> 00:58:08.409
or maybe another hotel chain or whatever was

00:58:08.409 --> 00:58:10.489
working on this. And these are the ones that

00:58:10.489 --> 00:58:14.449
failed to focus panels. And Jeffy X, like always,

00:58:14.610 --> 00:58:16.809
he was kind enough to go in there and risk his

00:58:16.809 --> 00:58:20.230
life grabbing these before they burn them. You

00:58:20.230 --> 00:58:21.429
know, they didn't want anyone getting these.

00:58:21.590 --> 00:58:25.489
So Jeffy X. That should be pretty easy. Yeah.

00:58:25.710 --> 00:58:29.510
Jeffy X is our sleuth, and Jeffy X, we owe a

00:58:29.510 --> 00:58:31.630
lot to him because he gets us all this information

00:58:31.630 --> 00:58:34.429
and risks his life. He's been electrocuted. He's

00:58:34.429 --> 00:58:38.769
been baseball batted. He's been waterboarded.

00:58:39.050 --> 00:58:41.630
He's been kicked in the thigh. I mean, everything,

00:58:41.769 --> 00:58:44.329
but he's gotten away every time. I mean, he was

00:58:44.329 --> 00:58:47.670
captive for three days. They held him in a mud

00:58:47.670 --> 00:58:51.289
pit with a football helmet, and they kept hitting

00:58:51.289 --> 00:58:54.050
the football helmet with a mallet. Isn't that

00:58:54.050 --> 00:58:59.750
crazy? Well, I hate to break the spoiler here,

00:58:59.969 --> 00:59:05.570
but Jeffy has something special coming for me.

00:59:06.429 --> 00:59:16.449
Cool. I am going to get Jeffy X a season pass

00:59:16.449 --> 00:59:20.369
for Lucas Oil Speedway next year. There you go,

00:59:20.429 --> 00:59:27.360
Jeffy X. Oh, he's going to be so happy. Yeah,

00:59:27.460 --> 00:59:29.519
yeah, well, I mean, he's always on the run because

00:59:29.519 --> 00:59:31.619
these people are literally wanting to kill him

00:59:31.619 --> 00:59:33.940
because he is sneaking out this information.

00:59:34.619 --> 00:59:37.119
Yeah, he's sneaking out this information they

00:59:37.119 --> 00:59:39.780
don't want him to have. He's such a great sleuth.

00:59:40.019 --> 00:59:42.820
By the way, Jeffy, I live a block and a half

00:59:42.820 --> 00:59:45.860
away. There you go, Jeffy. I have a place to

00:59:45.860 --> 00:59:51.639
hide. Yep. So, Jeffy X, we appreciate what he

00:59:51.639 --> 00:59:55.519
did. So, last year, Rob took and he knitted him.

00:59:56.380 --> 01:00:03.340
a flying bat suit, a Sergeant Pepper's outfit,

01:00:03.699 --> 01:00:07.079
and what else did you knit him? I forgot. Oh,

01:00:07.079 --> 01:00:11.380
underwear. Underwear. Special underwear. It says

01:00:11.380 --> 01:00:15.639
Jeffy on the back and X in the front. And Rob

01:00:15.639 --> 01:00:17.760
is an expert knitter. A lot of people don't know

01:00:17.760 --> 01:00:21.300
that. He knitted him all of these, and Jeffy

01:00:21.300 --> 01:00:23.840
X loved that Sergeant Pepper's outfit so much

01:00:23.840 --> 01:00:29.079
that he never took it off. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

01:00:29.260 --> 01:00:33.079
Yes, I'm sorry. It's been a while. That took

01:00:33.079 --> 01:00:38.139
a while to do, man. Yeah. Rob is so kind that

01:00:38.139 --> 01:00:42.940
he put in a special pouch on the inside of Jeffy

01:00:42.940 --> 01:00:46.860
X's knitted underwear. So we call it the Stephen

01:00:46.860 --> 01:00:50.179
Piercy of the Glam Band wrap. supposedly he had

01:00:50.179 --> 01:00:52.699
a pouch sewn into the inside of his spandex,

01:00:52.739 --> 01:00:54.800
so he could throw a couple of socks down there

01:00:54.800 --> 01:00:56.800
and look a little bit better to maybe some females,

01:00:57.019 --> 01:00:59.219
maybe some gay males, you know, people that are

01:00:59.219 --> 01:01:02.000
keeping track of that. And Rob did that for him,

01:01:02.019 --> 01:01:04.159
but we're pretty sure that Jeffy X doesn't need

01:01:04.159 --> 01:01:07.420
any help. But just in case, Rob did that. And

01:01:07.420 --> 01:01:10.099
the Sgt. Pepper's outfit is black now. We all

01:01:10.099 --> 01:01:13.179
know that Sgt. Pepper's, you know, the outfits

01:01:13.179 --> 01:01:15.139
that they were wearing, the suits were white

01:01:15.139 --> 01:01:18.659
on the album. And Rob made him one of those,

01:01:18.780 --> 01:01:21.199
and he loved it so much because he's a huge Beatle

01:01:21.199 --> 01:01:23.860
fan. He would never take it off, and it turned

01:01:23.860 --> 01:01:26.340
black, and it smells horrible. So Rob is giving

01:01:26.340 --> 01:01:28.579
him one for each day of the week when he comes

01:01:28.579 --> 01:01:32.119
down. Yes. They're already made. They're already

01:01:32.119 --> 01:01:36.239
done, ready for Christmas. And me, I'm a simple

01:01:36.239 --> 01:01:38.519
man. I gave him an undisclosed amount of money

01:01:38.519 --> 01:01:42.400
to go either buy a hooker or hooker and blow.

01:01:43.019 --> 01:01:45.800
until the money runs out, or maybe help his mom

01:01:45.800 --> 01:01:47.579
out. Whatever he wants to do is fine with me.

01:01:47.619 --> 01:01:49.340
If he wants to help his mommy out, then it's

01:01:49.340 --> 01:01:51.820
okay. I think he helped his mom out. Okay, well,

01:01:51.920 --> 01:01:54.039
and if he, maybe he split it down the middle.

01:01:54.079 --> 01:01:56.000
Maybe he helped his mom with half of it. I don't

01:01:56.000 --> 01:01:57.960
know. I don't know. Looking at that Sergeant

01:01:57.960 --> 01:02:03.780
Pepper seed, maybe not. So, maybe. Jeffy X has

01:02:03.780 --> 01:02:05.840
a list of scent alarms that have failed, and

01:02:05.840 --> 01:02:12.820
here it is. Rice, it failed. Can you believe

01:02:12.820 --> 01:02:18.039
that? Who doesn't like the scent of rice? Yeah,

01:02:18.039 --> 01:02:21.920
really? Yeah. Especially Spanish. Yeah. Well,

01:02:21.980 --> 01:02:24.059
it didn't say Spanish. It just said rice. So,

01:02:24.059 --> 01:02:27.139
I mean, you know, it could be anything. It must

01:02:27.139 --> 01:02:29.699
be white rice. Yeah, it's probably white rice.

01:02:29.699 --> 01:02:32.340
It isn't the good stuff. So, okay. I agree with

01:02:32.340 --> 01:02:40.670
that then. Toenails. Yeah, yeah, that would wake

01:02:40.670 --> 01:02:42.869
you up. I mean, it may not smell great, but it'll

01:02:42.869 --> 01:02:45.710
wake you up. Yeah. So I don't understand what

01:02:45.710 --> 01:02:51.590
the problem is. The next one of the scent alarm

01:02:51.590 --> 01:02:57.010
that failed was moss. Moss? Yeah, the smell of

01:02:57.010 --> 01:02:58.809
moss. You know that real heavy kind of a dirt

01:02:58.809 --> 01:03:03.250
smell? Oh, no, no, no. That would put me in a

01:03:03.250 --> 01:03:06.150
deeper sleep. Okay, well then I guess they hit

01:03:06.150 --> 01:03:16.199
that one. Okay. The next one would be talcum

01:03:16.199 --> 01:03:18.880
powder. I think I agree with that. That stuff

01:03:18.880 --> 01:03:24.460
suffocates you. Yes. Okay, all right. Now they're

01:03:24.460 --> 01:03:28.079
running 500 here. All right. The next one would

01:03:28.079 --> 01:03:31.860
be burnt popcorn. That would wake me up. Oh,

01:03:31.860 --> 01:03:35.800
hell yeah. Oh, jeez. I'd be like, what the hell

01:03:35.800 --> 01:03:38.579
is going on here? Who burnt this fucking popcorn?

01:03:38.579 --> 01:03:41.420
I think they want some. Yeah, hell yeah. I'd

01:03:41.420 --> 01:03:43.510
be hungry. Throw a little bit of butter on that

01:03:43.510 --> 01:03:47.670
and eat those black kernels. Great stuff. Great

01:03:47.670 --> 01:03:53.550
stuff. The next one is spoiled milk. What's wrong

01:03:53.550 --> 01:03:56.909
with that? That would wake up the dead. Yeah,

01:03:56.969 --> 01:04:01.230
you might vomit, but you'll be awake. Yeah. They

01:04:01.230 --> 01:04:03.909
missed the point, I guess. The next one would

01:04:03.909 --> 01:04:07.070
be rotten eggs. The rotten eggs sent alarm did

01:04:07.070 --> 01:04:12.030
not go over well. I know, Rob. You got any answers

01:04:12.030 --> 01:04:15.949
for that? Or just people are just crazy? Yeah,

01:04:16.710 --> 01:04:21.949
whatever. You know what I mean? I know, I know.

01:04:22.030 --> 01:04:25.630
It bothers me too, but I can't help it. The next

01:04:25.630 --> 01:04:31.449
one is liverwurst. Who doesn't love the smell

01:04:31.449 --> 01:04:37.670
of raw meat in the morning? I know. Liverwurst.

01:04:39.309 --> 01:04:42.030
I don't know. They're all communists. That's

01:04:42.030 --> 01:04:45.349
what it is. That's what the problem is. Got it.

01:04:45.650 --> 01:04:47.869
Well, I know it's the literal words. They're

01:04:47.869 --> 01:04:53.349
not communists. It was such a popular thing to

01:04:53.349 --> 01:04:55.329
say about people. I do it all the time and fun.

01:04:55.550 --> 01:05:00.849
It must be a communist. The next one would be

01:05:00.849 --> 01:05:11.130
wet ferret. Eh, I guess so. Yeah, yeah, but ferrets

01:05:11.130 --> 01:05:13.110
do have a bad smell. You have to de -smell them.

01:05:13.110 --> 01:05:16.909
I sleep with two dogs every night. Not a big

01:05:16.909 --> 01:05:24.170
thing. Okay, cool. You wear condoms, right? Hey,

01:05:24.170 --> 01:05:31.590
hey, hey, hey, hey. Next one. Burning hair. I

01:05:31.590 --> 01:05:35.909
think I can agree with that. No, no. What? Would

01:05:35.909 --> 01:05:46.550
bother me a bit. Really? Okay. Okay. I've got

01:05:46.550 --> 01:05:49.829
steel holders. Oh, that's right. That's right.

01:05:49.909 --> 01:05:54.530
Yeah. I singe hair all the time. I barbecue.

01:05:55.070 --> 01:05:58.309
I bonfire. I singe hair all the time. It's a

01:05:58.309 --> 01:06:00.969
normal smell. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. When I first

01:06:00.969 --> 01:06:03.250
went to... And you cannot tell because there's

01:06:03.250 --> 01:06:06.130
hair everywhere. When I first went to the union,

01:06:06.250 --> 01:06:10.530
I was learning how to TIG weld, and at that point,

01:06:10.530 --> 01:06:13.289
I still had long hair. And one of the reasons

01:06:13.289 --> 01:06:16.590
I cut it well is hot and all that stuff. And

01:06:16.590 --> 01:06:18.949
I was just getting older and I didn't need it

01:06:18.949 --> 01:06:21.510
anyhow. I look like a guy trying to be young,

01:06:21.630 --> 01:06:24.650
you know. But before that, I had my hair long

01:06:24.650 --> 01:06:27.010
for a little while while I was doing, you know,

01:06:27.030 --> 01:06:29.269
welding and all of that stuff through the union.

01:06:29.849 --> 01:06:34.070
And I had a pair of bib overalls on. Well, one

01:06:34.070 --> 01:06:37.369
of the sparks came off. I was welding galvanized,

01:06:37.429 --> 01:06:39.570
which is horrible to weld with a TIG welder.

01:06:40.559 --> 01:06:42.500
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Okay,

01:06:42.559 --> 01:06:45.920
so a big spark came up. It caught the back of

01:06:45.920 --> 01:06:48.380
my hair on fire and caught my bib overalls on

01:06:48.380 --> 01:06:50.719
fire. And I'm sitting there welding, smelling

01:06:50.719 --> 01:06:52.719
stuff. And all of a sudden, I feel this big thing

01:06:52.719 --> 01:06:55.860
of water just like hit me. And then a hose after

01:06:55.860 --> 01:06:58.139
that. And I'm like, and then I felt burning.

01:06:58.260 --> 01:07:00.159
And the dude goes, man, dude, he goes, your hair

01:07:00.159 --> 01:07:03.699
and your bibs were on fire. I reached back there

01:07:03.699 --> 01:07:06.460
and like a big chunk of hair is gone. because

01:07:06.460 --> 01:07:09.739
it was down close to my elbows. By the time it

01:07:09.739 --> 01:07:11.960
was done, it was a little bit over shoulder length

01:07:11.960 --> 01:07:16.480
and a big hole in the back of my bibs. Okay,

01:07:16.840 --> 01:07:19.420
so anyhow, the next one would be canned tuna

01:07:19.420 --> 01:07:23.820
of the Scentalarm. Didn't work? Didn't work.

01:07:24.960 --> 01:07:30.159
I eat enough tuna salad. Yeah, you could have

01:07:30.159 --> 01:07:35.380
a jar of mayonnaise. I mean, have a little tuna

01:07:35.380 --> 01:07:38.800
salad, but no, no, they said no. Well, I just,

01:07:38.980 --> 01:07:42.280
yeah, the smell would not bother me because I

01:07:42.280 --> 01:07:47.440
like tuna, so. Okay, well, I, okay. The next

01:07:47.440 --> 01:07:51.119
one would be sweaty inner thigh. I think I agree

01:07:51.119 --> 01:07:54.599
with that. Unless. Oh, yeah. Unless it's the

01:07:54.599 --> 01:07:56.900
Guatemalan chick rollers, the cigar rollers.

01:07:57.460 --> 01:08:01.190
No, they're sweaty inner thigh. They used to

01:08:01.190 --> 01:08:03.869
roll the cigars with the sweat from the inside

01:08:03.869 --> 01:08:07.349
of their thigh. There we go. Yeah. Yeah, they

01:08:07.349 --> 01:08:10.789
would wear like these little skirts. And they

01:08:10.789 --> 01:08:12.710
would sit there and roll your cigars. And, of

01:08:12.710 --> 01:08:14.530
course, you would buy every one of them they

01:08:14.530 --> 01:08:17.909
fucking had just to look at them. And they would

01:08:17.909 --> 01:08:20.630
roll them and they would use the bead of sweat

01:08:20.630 --> 01:08:24.869
from the inner thigh to roll your cigar. Now,

01:08:24.890 --> 01:08:27.390
that is fine. I could smell their inner sweat

01:08:27.390 --> 01:08:30.340
every day. That would be fine. But, you know,

01:08:30.380 --> 01:08:35.460
anyone else? I have no comment. This is back

01:08:35.460 --> 01:08:38.560
in my single days, okay? All right. And the last

01:08:38.560 --> 01:08:41.979
one, finally, is diesel fuel. I think I agree

01:08:41.979 --> 01:08:46.420
with that one 100%. That would wake me up. Jeffy

01:08:46.420 --> 01:08:49.100
X, thank you. Let's take our second break because

01:08:49.100 --> 01:08:52.020
we're way, way, way, way, way fucking late, like

01:08:52.020 --> 01:09:00.489
always. We'll be right back. So you want proof

01:09:00.489 --> 01:09:02.930
that we love you here at QD Spades and Microphone

01:09:02.930 --> 01:09:05.710
Central? Here's a proof right here. How about

01:09:05.710 --> 01:09:09.170
the drink of the week? Hey, my party pilgrims.

01:09:09.170 --> 01:09:12.569
How about Norwegian's famous pineapple coconut

01:09:12.569 --> 01:09:15.550
mojito? One and a quarter ounce Bacardi coconut

01:09:15.550 --> 01:09:18.670
rum, one ounce pineapple puree, three pieces

01:09:18.670 --> 01:09:21.369
of lime wedges, six pieces of mint leaves, and

01:09:21.369 --> 01:09:24.409
one half ounce of simple syrup. You garnish ginger

01:09:24.409 --> 01:09:27.550
candy on a pick, orange wilt, and a mint sprig.

01:09:28.430 --> 01:09:32.050
Take a 12 -ounce glass, shake all ingredients

01:09:32.050 --> 01:09:35.449
together, and strain over fresh ice and top with

01:09:35.449 --> 01:09:38.930
soda. How about a splash of 7 -Up Sprite or ginger

01:09:38.930 --> 01:09:44.010
ale just for a little extra pizzazz? Two douchebags

01:09:44.010 --> 01:09:46.069
and microphone in an effort to keep everything

01:09:46.069 --> 01:09:53.390
fresh. We offer you first world problems. My

01:09:53.390 --> 01:09:55.909
driver's license picture makes me look older.

01:09:56.680 --> 01:10:02.399
I'm calling a lawyer. This is Joshua Belmont,

01:10:02.439 --> 01:10:05.239
your food for thought man on The Hustle. So I

01:10:05.239 --> 01:10:07.319
just realized a genius that gets absolutely no

01:10:07.319 --> 01:10:10.800
credit. His name is Marshall Taylor. He is credited

01:10:10.800 --> 01:10:13.100
with the first bag of salad mix that was bagged

01:10:13.100 --> 01:10:17.399
and sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe

01:10:17.399 --> 01:10:20.199
he is still alive. This guy's genius will never

01:10:20.199 --> 01:10:23.479
be fully appreciated. Before this man... We settled

01:10:23.479 --> 01:10:25.920
for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons

01:10:25.920 --> 01:10:28.899
and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with

01:10:28.899 --> 01:10:32.300
that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana

01:10:32.300 --> 01:10:34.300
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,

01:10:34.479 --> 01:10:36.739
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,

01:10:36.899 --> 01:10:39.520
maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine

01:10:39.520 --> 01:10:43.439
lettuce for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should

01:10:43.439 --> 01:10:48.119
have a national holiday. Hi there. This is your

01:10:48.119 --> 01:10:51.979
ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?

01:10:53.069 --> 01:10:57.350
I thought we were friends. Strange, but true.

01:10:58.210 --> 01:11:00.270
There are lakes that peel the flesh off your

01:11:00.270 --> 01:11:03.710
bones. Lake Natron in Tanzania is so alkaline

01:11:03.710 --> 01:11:06.270
it can burn through skin. It also mummifies animals

01:11:06.270 --> 01:11:08.970
that fall in, leaving creepy stone -like statues

01:11:08.970 --> 01:11:55.460
behind. derived from midge, a small insect, plus

01:11:55.460 --> 01:12:00.199
suffix ET. There you have midge it. Initially,

01:12:00.359 --> 01:12:02.340
it referred to a small proportionate person,

01:12:02.539 --> 01:12:05.100
sometimes used in entertainment world. However,

01:12:05.319 --> 01:12:07.899
in association with freak shows and public displays

01:12:07.899 --> 01:12:10.380
of people with dwarfism, led to term becoming

01:12:10.380 --> 01:12:13.699
widely considered derogatory and offensive. Today,

01:12:13.840 --> 01:12:16.539
organizations like Little People of America advocate

01:12:16.539 --> 01:12:19.340
the word's removal from common usage with little

01:12:19.340 --> 01:12:22.210
person. Or a person with dwarfism being preferred.

01:12:24.970 --> 01:12:28.310
Like we give a shit. Have you ever wondered what

01:12:28.310 --> 01:12:30.470
something came about? Have you ever looked at

01:12:30.470 --> 01:12:32.649
something and said, Hey, I wonder what the origin

01:12:32.649 --> 01:12:36.369
of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give

01:12:36.369 --> 01:12:41.560
you The Origin of The Origin of Velcro. George

01:12:41.560 --> 01:12:44.239
D. Mestrel found inspiration in his most famous

01:12:44.239 --> 01:12:46.520
invention in those annoying little burrs that

01:12:46.520 --> 01:12:49.039
can get stuck to your clothing after a walk in

01:12:49.039 --> 01:12:51.199
the woods. They came from the burdock plant,

01:12:51.359 --> 01:12:54.340
and when D. Mestrel put them under a microscope,

01:12:54.420 --> 01:12:56.539
he realized that they made use of little tiny

01:12:56.539 --> 01:12:59.899
hooks on the surface of the burr to grab onto

01:12:59.899 --> 01:13:07.449
whatever passes by. Hello, this is Satan. You

01:13:07.449 --> 01:13:12.449
might know me from my pet name, Inflation. I'm

01:13:12.449 --> 01:13:14.989
here to tell you that there's no better way to

01:13:14.989 --> 01:13:19.489
relax than listen to two douchebags in a microphone

01:13:19.489 --> 01:13:23.850
by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and

01:13:23.850 --> 01:13:26.829
I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.

01:13:27.850 --> 01:13:46.390
Enjoy. Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark

01:13:46.390 --> 01:13:48.729
here in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap

01:13:48.729 --> 01:13:56.310
studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful Angle Arm

01:13:56.310 --> 01:14:05.470
and Duck Blind studio. We're out. Rob. Go right

01:14:05.470 --> 01:14:30.180
on ahead, my friend. Okay. Do tell. The actor

01:14:30.180 --> 01:14:34.060
was previously married to Donna Peele, Denise

01:14:34.060 --> 01:14:39.800
Richards, and Burt Mueller. Gene has often been

01:14:39.800 --> 01:14:44.939
in the news for his romantic liaisons. Yeah.

01:14:45.600 --> 01:14:50.479
However, this time he wants to keep his new relationship

01:14:50.479 --> 01:14:56.779
out of the limelight. I think I would too. You

01:14:56.779 --> 01:17:02.979
always say it. It wasn't some Hollywood. That's

01:17:02.979 --> 01:17:05.979
what I just said. Okay, I think some of that

01:17:05.979 --> 01:17:08.479
came out when all that Tiger Blood stuff was

01:17:08.479 --> 01:17:11.779
out, remember? And Tiger Blood met you at AIDS

01:17:11.779 --> 01:17:14.560
and all that and all this drug stuff. I think

01:17:14.560 --> 01:17:17.020
it came out then. And I think he was accused

01:17:17.020 --> 01:17:21.619
of, I don't know, raping a guy or something.

01:17:21.659 --> 01:17:25.779
I can't remember exactly what it was. The next

01:17:25.779 --> 01:17:39.220
day. Okay. Then maybe I was wrong. Maybe he didn't

01:17:39.220 --> 01:17:43.640
fess up to it before. Okay. Oh, and this is a

01:17:43.640 --> 01:18:24.829
quote from him. Okay. I'm not going Okay. Yeah,

01:18:24.970 --> 01:18:29.569
I guess that was an actual interview with him.

01:18:29.949 --> 01:18:32.689
Okay, well, all right. Well, you know what? If

01:18:32.689 --> 01:18:34.750
he's happy, I'm happy. Whatever. That's fine

01:18:34.750 --> 01:18:37.149
with me. Well, maybe he'll keep his ass out of

01:18:37.149 --> 01:18:43.869
jail now. Maybe. Hope so. Huh. Hope you're staying

01:18:43.869 --> 01:18:48.569
at home. Hey, you're a good chance. Yeah. Yep.

01:18:51.720 --> 01:18:58.579
Okay, the new guy, he is wanting to do something

01:18:58.579 --> 01:19:04.920
here. He wants to do a little segment about the

01:19:04.920 --> 01:19:08.899
trick play that the Lions used that was illegal.

01:19:09.500 --> 01:19:14.659
And it was illegal motion, and they were not

01:19:14.659 --> 01:19:18.520
set right for the formation, and they got called.

01:19:19.039 --> 01:19:24.520
It was an illegal formation, and they were actually

01:19:24.520 --> 01:19:28.100
penalized instead of getting a touchdown. And

01:19:28.100 --> 01:19:31.840
the Detroit fans and some of the Lions were all

01:19:31.840 --> 01:19:34.140
up in arms about that, saying it was unfair and

01:19:34.140 --> 01:19:36.760
it was cheating. Well, the new guy, he broke

01:19:36.760 --> 01:19:40.220
in here when we were on our break, and he wants

01:19:40.220 --> 01:19:43.300
to explain the rules to everybody. So we are

01:19:43.300 --> 01:19:45.880
going to have a new guy at the very end of this

01:19:45.880 --> 01:19:48.479
show right here. He's going to come up. and he's

01:19:48.479 --> 01:19:51.500
going to tell you what exactly happened and why

01:19:51.500 --> 01:19:55.899
that play was illegal. Okay? Sound good? All

01:19:55.899 --> 01:19:59.359
right. Okay. And new guy, I think this, maybe

01:19:59.359 --> 01:20:01.539
he's trying to make things right with us, Rob.

01:20:04.619 --> 01:20:08.159
All right. Okay. We'll see. All right. So right

01:20:08.159 --> 01:20:10.520
now it is 9 -12. Do you want to go ahead and

01:20:10.520 --> 01:20:12.159
end this, or you got something you want to go

01:20:12.159 --> 01:20:25.300
into? Okay. It's not uncommon for movies to be

01:20:25.300 --> 01:20:29.659
based in reality. Real life events and people

01:20:29.659 --> 01:20:32.659
have inspired countless movies over the decades.

01:20:33.579 --> 01:21:06.529
Including hits like Schindler's List. And yes,

01:21:06.710 --> 01:21:45.430
this movie is a true story. Awesome. No, I'd

01:21:45.430 --> 01:21:48.590
say a lot of people don't realize that. Cocaine

01:21:48.590 --> 01:21:52.329
Bear is based off a true story. No, I know. I

01:21:52.329 --> 01:21:56.930
know it is. Yeah. It takes a lot of liberties.

01:21:57.090 --> 01:21:59.510
You know, there's a story written around it that

01:21:59.510 --> 01:22:02.850
isn't quite true, but it is based off a true

01:22:02.850 --> 01:22:06.170
story about a bear that was on cocaine. Yeah,

01:22:06.189 --> 01:22:11.140
they just added comedy to it. Yes. Yeah, but

01:22:11.140 --> 01:22:16.359
the base of it was true. And, yeah, actually,

01:22:16.420 --> 01:22:56.460
let me go on. Okay. dude I love this movie it's

01:22:56.460 --> 01:23:00.779
so hilarious I know it is Cocaine Bear doesn't

01:23:00.779 --> 01:23:04.140
reinvent the wheel but it absolutely delivers

01:23:04.140 --> 01:23:08.239
a hilarious leave your brain at home B movie

01:23:08.239 --> 01:23:54.840
that's the best way to describe it it is Very

01:23:54.840 --> 01:23:59.840
cool. Yeah, yeah, it goes into the pursuit. Yeah,

01:23:59.840 --> 01:24:04.520
but if you have not seen Cocaine Bear and you

01:24:04.520 --> 01:24:08.159
are into horror comedies, that is the one to

01:24:08.159 --> 01:24:15.000
watch. I agree. Yes. It is. I mean, like I said,

01:24:15.119 --> 01:24:19.220
it's not quite the truth, but they had to build

01:24:19.220 --> 01:24:21.720
a story around it and make it funny. So they

01:24:21.720 --> 01:24:25.699
did great at that. Well, it's just to sell money.

01:24:25.899 --> 01:24:28.220
It's just to sell it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they

01:24:28.220 --> 01:24:30.520
have to. In today's world. Yeah, because the

01:24:30.520 --> 01:24:33.159
regular story is actually weird but kind of boring.

01:24:33.460 --> 01:24:38.119
So they had to add to it. All right, thank you,

01:24:38.119 --> 01:24:42.359
Rob. I got a little story here real quick. Yes,

01:24:42.399 --> 01:24:45.659
Chapman, 34, of Portsmouth, Hampshire, England,

01:24:45.819 --> 01:24:49.739
was diagnosed at age four with PICA, a disorder

01:24:49.739 --> 01:24:52.859
that involves eating items that are not typically

01:24:52.859 --> 01:24:55.949
thought of as food. As a child, she tried talcum

01:24:55.949 --> 01:24:58.550
powder, chalk, and cigarette rolling papers.

01:24:58.710 --> 01:25:01.390
I guess her parents were stoners, right? According

01:25:01.390 --> 01:25:05.109
to the LAD Bible, the mom of four... It says

01:25:05.109 --> 01:25:07.770
cigarette back then. It would be cigarettes.

01:25:08.170 --> 01:25:12.590
Okay, okay. You're probably right. Okay. The

01:25:12.590 --> 01:25:15.350
mom of four currently eats about 10 sheets of

01:25:15.350 --> 01:25:19.949
paper each day. I look forward to the postman,

01:25:20.130 --> 01:25:22.680
Chapman said. Certain papers taste different.

01:25:22.739 --> 01:25:25.319
They have different textures. I'll rip a corner

01:25:25.319 --> 01:25:27.960
off just to test it, she said. She drinks plenty

01:25:27.960 --> 01:25:31.039
of water to help with constipation. When someone

01:25:31.039 --> 01:25:32.800
likes chocolate and they're craving something

01:25:32.800 --> 01:25:36.020
sweet, they eat it and they feel like those happy

01:25:36.020 --> 01:25:38.260
chemicals being released in their brain. It's

01:25:38.260 --> 01:25:41.180
like that, Chapman said, about living with Pica.

01:25:43.180 --> 01:25:47.880
There's more, but I thought I'd just... I thought

01:25:47.880 --> 01:25:50.100
I'd just tell that one right there. So, yeah,

01:25:50.180 --> 01:25:52.659
that's what I said, too, about it. Wow. And I

01:25:52.659 --> 01:25:55.600
looked up PICA, and I didn't think this was false

01:25:55.600 --> 01:25:58.939
by any means. It's from a legitimate news source,

01:25:59.260 --> 01:26:03.300
Shepherd Express, I believe. And their stuff,

01:26:03.420 --> 01:26:06.819
I fact -checked quite a bit. And these are true

01:26:06.819 --> 01:26:10.859
weird stories that they come up with. But PICA

01:26:10.859 --> 01:26:13.420
is an actual disorder that people do eat stuff

01:26:13.420 --> 01:26:17.239
that is not traditional food. Or inanimate objects.

01:26:17.439 --> 01:26:22.420
They might like a bag. Oh man, I want to eat

01:26:22.420 --> 01:26:26.779
this. Whatever, a paper box. A very interesting

01:26:26.779 --> 01:26:33.600
disorder it is. Rob, you got anything else? That's

01:26:33.600 --> 01:26:36.539
all I have for tonight. Like I said, I'm on overtime.

01:26:37.300 --> 01:26:42.479
I'm really busy these days. Hi Hicksville. Hi

01:26:42.479 --> 01:26:46.090
Albuquerque. Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi,

01:26:46.189 --> 01:26:52.170
Ricky. Good night, assholes. But, but, new guy

01:26:52.170 --> 01:26:56.529
is coming up with something following this. So,

01:26:56.569 --> 01:27:01.409
Rob, go ahead. All right. Good night, assholes.

01:27:03.970 --> 01:27:10.109
All right, new guy, take it away. Hey, hello,

01:27:10.390 --> 01:27:15.020
this is the new guy. and I was wanting to inform

01:27:15.020 --> 01:27:17.979
everybody about the rules and why the gadget

01:27:17.979 --> 01:27:22.140
play that the Lions did was illegal. As for all

01:27:22.140 --> 01:27:25.300
the uninformed NFL whiny -ass, bitchy -ass Lion

01:27:25.300 --> 01:27:28.819
fans, the gadget play the Lions used, which put

01:27:28.819 --> 01:27:32.119
Jared Goff as a receiver, was an illegal play.

01:27:33.920 --> 01:27:37.039
Lions quarterback Jared Goff was called for an

01:27:37.039 --> 01:27:41.010
illegal motion on a play he motioned from quarterback

01:27:41.010 --> 01:27:45.850
to receiver and caught a touchdown pass from

01:27:45.850 --> 01:27:49.149
David Montgomery. By definition, Djurgov had

01:27:49.149 --> 01:27:53.289
established himself as a T -formation quarterback

01:27:53.289 --> 01:27:56.630
by standing directly behind center, which meant

01:27:56.630 --> 01:27:59.949
that he went into motion. He needed to stop for

01:27:59.949 --> 01:28:02.970
a full second before the snap. He was correctly

01:28:02.970 --> 01:28:05.770
flagged, and Dan Campbell is a crybaby pussy

01:28:05.770 --> 01:28:09.029
that likes to dirty hit players he can't beat.

01:28:09.479 --> 01:28:14.220
in our humble opinions. Plus, congratulations

01:28:14.220 --> 01:28:16.840
to Patrick Mahomes to be the quickest quarterback

01:28:16.840 --> 01:28:21.699
ever to reach 300 -plus touchdowns. Including

01:28:21.699 --> 01:28:24.300
on these touchdowns, he had a little help from

01:28:24.300 --> 01:28:30.140
Travis Kelsey, 74 touchdowns, Tyreek Hill with

01:28:30.140 --> 01:28:34.500
46 touchdowns, Nicole Hardman with 18 touchdowns,

01:28:35.100 --> 01:28:39.579
Jerry McKinnon with 15, Rashi Rice with 9, And

01:28:39.579 --> 01:28:44.180
Gray, Noah Gray, with nine. Thank you, guys.

01:28:44.239 --> 01:28:48.619
Have a good night. Oh, no. Looks like the show's

01:28:48.619 --> 01:28:52.239
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't

01:28:52.239 --> 01:28:55.659
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll

01:28:55.659 --> 01:28:57.539
be back invading your ear holes soon.