WEBVTT

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Welcome again. We're happy you chose us. Come

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on in. Wash yourself off. Would you enjoy a bourbon

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and coke? There's a liquor store down the road.

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If you go, I need rolling papers. Well, since

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you're here, let's get this daily douchebag pledge

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out of the way. All right, bitches, swing your

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hips and pelvic thrust. Shout it out with me.

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I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise to download

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every podcast. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to make... All friends, family members, and workmates

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download the show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, promise

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to grab idle computers, work computers, friends

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computers, community computers, and other assorted

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phones and listening devices and download the

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show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, will

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download the show and constantly barrage everyone

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with show name and platforms. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to wear a chicken costume and

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screen the show's name from my front yard. And

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finally, because of our 13 -year -old boy humor,

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you must go to Knobloch Cooter Licking in Uranus,

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Missouri to take selfies with the signs. If you

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go to Uranus, go to the fudge factory. Yes, there's

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a fudge factory in Uranus. No joke. Here at Two

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Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand behind

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our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and assume

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we got the story wrong. At least we admit it.

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Not like all those other guys. We can and will

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lie if it makes the story better. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. We are Kansas City. Ms. Gulkenstein

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was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of

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her. Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein

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was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.

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She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob. Changing

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Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to

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a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.

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Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin

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monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen

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in as Rob, the capuchin monkey, tries to sell

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the rest of the capuchin monkeys Amway. Rob has

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always dreamed of becoming a diamond status Amway

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as a capuchin monkey. Little did our hero Rob

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know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's

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Club and became violently pissed off when he

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tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly

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grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days

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straight. Rob could not sit down. Hi all, this

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is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North

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America. You can't touch me. Oh yeah, this is

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Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch. Hey, if

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you're a fan of paying way too much for trinkets

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and food, well, your wish is coming true. Kansas

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City International Airport Guest Pass program

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is starting today. Yes, you too could overspend

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on workless trinkets and $15 cups of coffee.

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If you want to buy a $50 cheap t -shirt that

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has KC Western Auto Building image on it, we

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got you covered. Want a barbecue sauce gift pack?

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No problem. Just a mere 40 bucks and you're first

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born. Hurry. You know rubes are jumping all over

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to get to this complete rip -off. Because people

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are sheep. Two douchebags, a microphone, and

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an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

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you... First world problems. What the hell? Bridge

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construction? Shit. I cannot believe they have

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to repair this bridge after 50 years. Ma 'am,

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what am I going to do now? I can't wake up 10

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minutes earlier just to get to work. This is

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complete bullshit. I'm going to write my congressman.

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Oh, ma 'am, what the fuck is this? Is this a

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new feature? What's inside Mark's head? Sounds

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stupid to me. Mmm, Stromboli is so delicious.

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I love Stromboli. I wonder if it loves me back.

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I bet you it does. Stromboli is so tasty. It's

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like a giant pizza roll with more flavor. It's

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the ultimate food. Mmm, stromboli. We need stromboli

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cereal. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Stromboli

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cereal. Mmm, stromboli flakes. Mmm. Next up,

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things overheard in hell. Well, that new Hanson

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CD is just a laptop. Uh -huh. And now, Deep Thoughts

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with Mark. Hmm, let's see. If I identify as a

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dog, and I start wandering around the block without

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a collar on, could animal control come by and

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pick me up? Hmm, I may never know. Ah! Two douchebags

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and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas

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City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I

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am Rob at the beautiful diagonal arm of Lake

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of the Ozarks in the Tuck Flight studio. For

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now. So Rob, how are you doing tonight? It's

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getting closer. Yeah, that thing sounds fucking,

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it sounds great, dude. Yeah, it's a six and a

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half by 12, but it's painted black. And me and

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some of the guys, well, actually the woman that

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works in our shop too, signed our names on top

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of the paint and then clear coated it. Oh, nice.

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That's not coming off. Our names are on the trailer

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under the clear coat. Oh, good. It's one of a

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kind. You do. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah,

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you do. I got a question, Rob. Can you back a

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trailer like that up around the corner? Dude,

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I pulled a 24 -foot flatbed. You see? I knew

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it. I knew it. I knew you could. With four boat

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lifts around this lake. Shit. Okay. Yeah, I could

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pull a trailer, dude. I work for a boat trailer

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company. You might do some lessons. Some of these

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truck drivers I see, oh, my God. Oh, yeah, tell

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me about it. I don't know where the fuck they

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find them, but, man, I'll tell you what, they

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cannot hit anything. Well, they can hit something,

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but it's not the dock, you know. You're right.

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Yeah, so. I've been having a little fun online,

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people that were hating on Mahomes and stuff

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and their bitching and everything, going, oh,

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they didn't get one penalty. Let's see, what

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was I going to say? Okay, so we didn't get one

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penalty. The fix is in again. The referees are

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for the Chiefs again and all that. And I just

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kept putting, going, yeah, excuses are for losers.

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Yeah, I know, Kev. Chelsea about a hole. Well,

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I'll tell you what. How many games this week,

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how many holes they got away with? No, it's complete

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bullshit. It's not a cheat thing. The refs suck.

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That's what it is. The refs suck. And also, it's

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questionable. It's not clear cut that he's holding.

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Now, you see, I played football. I played football.

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and I know it wasn't pro, but I do know a little

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bit about it. There's certain things you can

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get away with, and there's certain things you

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cannot. It's like taking it right to the edge

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of the law. Right. And you have to know how to

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do this stuff to be successful. It's just like

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our, he was our superintendent at school, and

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I think I told this story before on here, but

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he's all mild -mannered in school, right? Mark,

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are you behaving this week? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. You taught

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me. I see the light. Okay. Then we're out there

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on the football field, and he goes, here's how

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you punch that motherfucker. And I'm like, what?

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And I'm sitting here with my mouth open going,

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I don't want to reveal his name. And I go, let's

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call him Mr. C. I go, I'm like, Mr. C just said

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this is how you punch the motherfucker and get

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away with it. And he's showing us how to stiff

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arm as hard as you can with your forearm right

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in their face. And I'm going, this guy's a fucking

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animal. And he's asking me this morning if I'm

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behaving. He's out here calling this guy a motherfucker,

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telling me to stomp his face in. Hey, I know

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exactly how you feel. Our high school football

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coach ended up being Greg Williams. Oh, my God.

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Bounty gate guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can't hide

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that one. No. You Google him, you will see he

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was head coach at Belton High School. No, no,

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no, no. I know he was. I remember people telling

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me about it back then, and then when you told

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me, I remembered. It went ding, ding. I'm like,

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oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, I thought I didn't

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know that, but then I got the thing. I'm like,

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I knew enough people from Belton that they were

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talking about it because he got started. Honestly,

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that was one of my favorite. That was the name

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of the class. Which, three days a week, you were

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in a weight room. Two days a week, you were doing

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calisthenics, which meant you were running your

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ass off. Yep. All hour. Yep. No, no, no, you're

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right. No, you're right. But I loved that class.

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I learned a lot from that class. Oh, so did...

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I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Well,

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you see, at Midway, we had three classes that

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we could ditch to practice football during the

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day. I don't think they do it like that anymore.

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But it was study hall and what was the other?

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Study hall. There was a couple other ones that

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they deemed not necessary. And if you're playing

00:12:14.649 --> 00:12:17.850
football, they would allow you to not go to those

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classes and go out on the field and practice.

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And I can't remember what the other two, but

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I remember one was study hall. They're like,

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no, you don't have to go to study hall. And there's

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two other ones. So three hours a day, besides

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when we stayed over, we stayed over every night

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to practice too. So, yeah. You got as much practice

00:12:36.600 --> 00:12:41.039
in as you could. Yes. Yeah. So anyhow, back to

00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:43.240
this, I'm like getting on there and going, yep.

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I go to Detroit Lions. I just got done looking

00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:48.059
through their, oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

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I don't see any rings. Hmm. I find it awfully

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suspicious that people are mouthing off about

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someone that's been there five times and has

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three rings to someone that's been there zero

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times and has zero rings. And people are just

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like, you know. And then Rex Ryan was saying

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all this shit and stuff. And I put on there,

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Rex Ryan is a little bitch that's never won anything.

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Right. And all these Rex Ryan people are a little

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scared. Skip Tarballis, I put on his post, I

00:13:23.730 --> 00:13:27.570
go, Skippy's a known idiot. And that's it. And

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a fucking bunch of people were, like, loving

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that and stuff. I'm like, yeah. And every now

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and then you've got to go in there and rattle

00:13:33.529 --> 00:13:35.450
the idiots. It's like, okay, guys, you know,

00:13:35.470 --> 00:13:38.190
whatever. Look, I mean, I know we're not having

00:13:38.190 --> 00:13:41.370
the best season up to date, but everybody loved

00:13:41.370 --> 00:13:43.590
Detroit. Oh, my God. Oh, they're the heir apparent.

00:13:43.649 --> 00:13:45.730
Oh, yeah. Oh, they're Super Bowl bound. Oh, they're

00:13:45.730 --> 00:13:47.190
going to win it all. They're going to fucking

00:13:47.190 --> 00:13:49.330
win it 30 years in a row. They're so damn good.

00:13:49.850 --> 00:13:52.870
Then you see Dan Campbell. Yeah, you see that

00:13:52.870 --> 00:13:55.210
fucking jerk -off Dan Campbell fucking over there,

00:13:55.269 --> 00:13:57.830
about ready to stroke out on the sideline. Then

00:13:57.830 --> 00:14:00.830
you see fucking Branch, that piece of shit, smacking

00:14:00.830 --> 00:14:03.950
people in the head, illegal hits on Mahomes,

00:14:04.110 --> 00:14:06.509
all this shit. I would guarantee any amount of

00:14:06.509 --> 00:14:09.269
money, that piece of shit. But if you read the

00:14:09.269 --> 00:14:12.169
internet today, they were all bashing Kansas

00:14:12.169 --> 00:14:15.809
City. Look at all them hits. They hate us because

00:14:15.809 --> 00:14:19.240
they ain't us. They wish like fuck. that they

00:14:19.240 --> 00:14:21.200
were the Kansas City Chiefs, but they're not.

00:14:21.580 --> 00:14:25.220
Their teams can't win like we can, and the only

00:14:25.220 --> 00:14:28.779
thing they can say is, oh, they cheat. What a

00:14:28.779 --> 00:14:32.419
cheap, idiotic, stupid thing to say. That is

00:14:32.419 --> 00:14:35.519
a low -budget, stupid person that goes to that.

00:14:35.740 --> 00:14:39.080
Show me examples. Show me real examples, not

00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:42.740
like, well, one referee. No, no, no, no, no,

00:14:42.799 --> 00:14:48.920
no, no. The Chiefs are the ones that... Yeah,

00:14:48.920 --> 00:14:51.559
and believe me, there's bad calls on both sides.

00:14:52.779 --> 00:14:55.620
Number one, there's only a certain amount of

00:14:55.620 --> 00:14:57.500
people in this whole world that can do that job,

00:14:57.639 --> 00:15:00.639
that have that quick of reflexes and know everything

00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:03.299
that well, the system and everything, okay? So

00:15:03.299 --> 00:15:06.879
number one, they're doing a good job. I dog on

00:15:06.879 --> 00:15:08.679
them, but they're doing a good job. I can't do

00:15:08.679 --> 00:15:12.299
their job. Can you? No, no. I've done little

00:15:12.299 --> 00:15:15.580
league softball. That was hard enough. Yeah,

00:15:15.580 --> 00:15:19.019
yeah. I get tired of that excuse. I get tired

00:15:19.019 --> 00:15:22.000
of that excuse. Okay? If you don't fucking like

00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.480
it, get better. And if you don't like your team

00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:26.460
not getting better, then don't go see them. Don't

00:15:26.460 --> 00:15:28.559
go watch them. Fucking vote with your wallet.

00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:33.279
But shut the fuck up about us. You know? It doesn't

00:15:33.279 --> 00:15:36.220
hold any water at all. And like I said, it's

00:15:36.220 --> 00:15:39.480
stupid people do that. They resort to that. It's

00:15:39.480 --> 00:15:41.360
just like whenever you dog someone really bad

00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:44.639
and they go, oh, fuck you. Me and Davey used

00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:47.620
to just destroy those people. Oh, my God. He

00:15:47.620 --> 00:15:51.700
pulled out the F card. Oh, my God. Davey, Davey,

00:15:51.700 --> 00:15:54.759
come here. Come here. Yeah, what? He said, fuck

00:15:54.759 --> 00:15:58.779
you. What? Oh, my God. He went nuclear. And we

00:15:58.779 --> 00:16:01.740
just sit there and fucking, oh, no, everything's

00:16:01.740 --> 00:16:06.259
ruined. And it would make them so mad that they

00:16:06.259 --> 00:16:08.679
would just get even more low budget. You guys

00:16:08.679 --> 00:16:13.639
are a bunch of homos. I don't know. See, these

00:16:13.639 --> 00:16:16.620
chicks are with us. See that guy, that greaseball?

00:16:16.940 --> 00:16:20.240
That greaseball over there? He's with you. I

00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:22.539
don't know. I don't know. If I was a betting

00:16:22.539 --> 00:16:24.519
man, I would bet that me and him are not the

00:16:24.519 --> 00:16:29.299
homos. Nothing wrong with that. I've been there

00:16:29.299 --> 00:16:32.360
the nights you do, yes. Oh, we used to just destroy

00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:36.320
them. So, anyhow, you know what? Detroit lost.

00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:39.860
They lost bad. They look like lost little puppies

00:16:39.860 --> 00:16:41.720
that are about to get run over on the freeway.

00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:45.860
Dan Campbell, I think, in my opinion, looks like

00:16:45.860 --> 00:16:48.519
that he does bounties. By the way, they're hitting,

00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:51.759
and they were hitting late. Mahomes gave Dan

00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:54.139
Campbell's this fucking look like, fuck you,

00:16:54.179 --> 00:16:57.129
pussy. when he was walking off the field, and

00:16:57.129 --> 00:16:59.590
there was a reason for that. I see that. And

00:16:59.590 --> 00:17:03.009
that's because Mahomes knows what Dan Campbell

00:17:03.009 --> 00:17:05.609
did. He was trying to get his people to purposely

00:17:05.609 --> 00:17:08.089
hurt him and put him out of the game. A person

00:17:08.089 --> 00:17:12.089
like that should not be in the NFL. Never. Just

00:17:12.089 --> 00:17:14.589
like Greg Williams. But the Chiefs, there's a

00:17:14.589 --> 00:17:20.589
bad guy. It's ridiculous. Yes, it is. I can't

00:17:20.589 --> 00:17:24.519
wait for us to kick everybody's ass again. Including

00:17:24.519 --> 00:17:28.279
Buffalo. You know Buffalo, the ones that win

00:17:28.279 --> 00:17:30.900
it all every fucking year. But every year their

00:17:30.900 --> 00:17:37.359
season ends with red, white, and yellow. Every

00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:42.980
year their season ends with number 15. So, anyhow.

00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:47.380
Now we're done. Yep. So, I'm going to go ahead

00:17:47.380 --> 00:17:49.140
and go into our regular stuff here real quick.

00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:54.809
Okay. We do like we normally do. Yeah, we just

00:17:54.809 --> 00:17:57.410
started. So, unfortunately... We don't know.

00:17:57.789 --> 00:18:00.210
At the first part, we don't know which way we're

00:18:00.210 --> 00:18:02.029
headed. You know, I've had people ask me what

00:18:02.029 --> 00:18:03.349
we're going to talk about tonight, and I go,

00:18:03.430 --> 00:18:05.990
I don't even fucking know. Yeah, that's what

00:18:05.990 --> 00:18:08.869
I tell everybody. I have stuff here. I have my

00:18:08.869 --> 00:18:12.430
stuff. He has his stuff. I don't know. I have

00:18:12.430 --> 00:18:15.349
stuff here we could talk about. Half the time,

00:18:15.369 --> 00:18:17.130
we just start fucking going off on something

00:18:17.130 --> 00:18:19.910
else. It's working. Our numbers are fantastic

00:18:19.910 --> 00:18:22.269
and getting better. So, I mean, I guess... Yes.

00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:24.599
Just keep it up, and thank you, everybody, for

00:18:24.599 --> 00:18:28.279
listening. Yes, thank you, everybody. Yeah, yep.

00:18:29.079 --> 00:18:32.680
I just chose a few, everybody. Everybody, yes.

00:18:33.420 --> 00:18:35.880
Okay, so, unfortunately, I've been in the hospital

00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:39.339
again, and for an extended family member. Unfortunately,

00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:42.779
this morning, she passed away, which sucks. Oh,

00:18:42.859 --> 00:18:45.759
I'm sorry. The more I visit, thank you, I appreciate

00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:48.900
it. The more I visit hospitals, the more I realize.

00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:52.380
that they all pretty much look exactly the same

00:18:52.380 --> 00:18:57.339
on the inside. The hallways are insane. We're

00:18:57.339 --> 00:18:59.240
always trying to get back to the parking lot

00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:02.019
from ICU where I realized we were pretty much

00:19:02.019 --> 00:19:06.299
lost again. So I'm advocating because I was in

00:19:06.299 --> 00:19:10.920
the hospital for my cousin's daughter. When they

00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:13.519
came to town, she had her appendicitis. And then

00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:15.940
I was in the hospital myself. I mean, you know,

00:19:15.980 --> 00:19:20.880
I've been to too many hospitals. So I'm advocating

00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:24.099
for someone at all hospitals to develop an elevator

00:19:24.099 --> 00:19:27.759
app. I'm sure it can be done with GPS technology.

00:19:28.579 --> 00:19:31.299
The app would give you a layout of the area and

00:19:31.299 --> 00:19:33.720
all the elevators in that part of the hospital.

00:19:33.940 --> 00:19:35.859
So if you can find the elevator, you can find

00:19:35.859 --> 00:19:40.319
your way out. You know what I mean? Because you

00:19:40.319 --> 00:19:42.519
have these long hallways everywhere. I don't

00:19:42.519 --> 00:19:45.299
know why they could not come up with an app.

00:19:45.609 --> 00:19:48.730
That you just go, okay, this is St. Luke's. Okay,

00:19:48.829 --> 00:19:52.210
St. Luke's South. Okay, it looks like I take

00:19:52.210 --> 00:19:55.029
a left here. And then take a right. And the elevator's

00:19:55.029 --> 00:19:58.150
on the left. You know, okay. I'm sure it can

00:19:58.150 --> 00:20:00.829
be done. And I wish they would do it. So, anyhow.

00:20:03.990 --> 00:20:08.190
Okay, so. Coming up in a week from this Tuesday.

00:20:08.309 --> 00:20:10.490
We should be headed back to Eureka Springs for

00:20:10.490 --> 00:20:12.789
my birthday. And to see the fall foliage as well.

00:20:12.809 --> 00:20:14.670
We do this every year. It's a trek we do every

00:20:14.670 --> 00:20:17.660
year, I think. I think we did it last year, I

00:20:17.660 --> 00:20:20.220
remember, but I didn't have the capabilities

00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:24.500
recorded from down there. So I'll be back on

00:20:24.500 --> 00:20:27.440
my birthday the 25th for my free dinner at Garozzo's.

00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:31.220
I cannot miss that free chicken spadini. And

00:20:31.220 --> 00:20:34.160
that's such a great deal. We give it all back

00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:36.640
to them, though, and it's extremely intelligent

00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:39.740
to do that. We order extra Italian margaritas

00:20:39.740 --> 00:20:42.220
because of the money we saved. So it's kind of

00:20:42.220 --> 00:20:44.180
like, to me, it's kind of like getting a couple

00:20:44.180 --> 00:20:45.700
of free drinks for your birthday because you

00:20:45.700 --> 00:20:49.480
kind of made it that. Okay. The Spadini was free,

00:20:49.619 --> 00:20:53.359
actually, right? But you take that money and

00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:55.579
you buy yourself some drinks. Essentially, they

00:20:55.579 --> 00:20:59.059
paid for your drinks, right? Right. Yeah, so

00:20:59.059 --> 00:21:01.380
they give you free drinks. So I'm going into

00:21:01.380 --> 00:21:04.220
this. Were you ever much of a Westport guy, Rob?

00:21:06.720 --> 00:21:10.890
A little bit. What was that place? Well, there's

00:21:10.890 --> 00:21:13.210
a place that used to be down there. Blaney's.

00:21:15.369 --> 00:21:17.710
Blaney's. Was it Blaney's? Blaney's. It's in

00:21:17.710 --> 00:21:24.750
the basement. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Blaney's. No,

00:21:24.769 --> 00:21:28.509
it wasn't Blaney's. Was it? There was Blaney's.

00:21:28.529 --> 00:21:30.250
It's in the basement, and it's the only blues

00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:32.250
club I know around there. I guess there could

00:21:32.250 --> 00:21:34.089
have been ones I didn't know. Well, this was

00:21:34.089 --> 00:21:39.029
back in the 90s. Okay. The 90s, early 2000s.

00:21:39.500 --> 00:21:42.180
The blues club that was there in the 90s that

00:21:42.180 --> 00:21:45.339
I knew about that was in a basement was Blaney's.

00:21:45.500 --> 00:21:49.859
Okay, maybe it was Blaney's. Anyway, yeah, that's

00:21:49.859 --> 00:21:54.660
where I used to go. Blaney's was cool. I liked

00:21:54.660 --> 00:21:57.799
Blaney's a lot. On a regular... Yeah, I loved

00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:01.579
the music there. I got into the blues and stuff.

00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:05.000
Yeah, the music was great. Of course, the Lone

00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:07.079
Star was gone at that time. It was already...

00:22:07.319 --> 00:22:10.940
packed up and non -existent. Buzzard Beach was

00:22:10.940 --> 00:22:14.240
around, which was cool. No, Lone Star was still

00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:16.440
there then. Oh, was it still there at the time?

00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:20.200
Okay. Yeah, when I was going up there to Lone

00:22:20.200 --> 00:22:23.319
Star, because Lone Star was the other, that was

00:22:23.319 --> 00:22:26.380
the two places I went to, Lone Star and I guess

00:22:26.380 --> 00:22:28.599
Blaine's. See, it's been so long, I forgot the

00:22:28.599 --> 00:22:30.960
name. I also liked the Hurricane quite a bit,

00:22:30.980 --> 00:22:32.720
and the Beaumont had some pretty good concerts.

00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:37.269
Yeah, Beaumont. I like the Beaumont because the

00:22:37.269 --> 00:22:41.430
stage was below you. It wasn't above you. You

00:22:41.430 --> 00:22:44.690
could spit on the bands. It was awesome. Right,

00:22:44.710 --> 00:22:47.569
right. Yeah. People are trying to spit on Phil

00:22:47.569 --> 00:22:51.250
Anselmo. Yeah, people are trying to spit on Phil

00:22:51.250 --> 00:22:54.130
Anselmo, trying to hawk loogies on him when he's

00:22:54.130 --> 00:22:58.349
playing with Down. Someone had to have got him.

00:22:58.410 --> 00:23:01.009
I'm sure he was pissed. I'm sure he got spit

00:23:01.009 --> 00:23:06.720
on a lot before. Okay, well, I remember my Westport

00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:08.880
days. Every birthday you received a free drink

00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:11.680
from every bar. And there's, what, probably 70

00:23:11.680 --> 00:23:15.019
establishments in the district, right? Yeah,

00:23:15.059 --> 00:23:18.339
it's still that way today. Oh, it is? Oh, it

00:23:18.339 --> 00:23:22.700
still is? Okay. Well, yeah, October 1st was my

00:23:22.700 --> 00:23:25.779
son's 21st. Oh, okay. So we had a couple down

00:23:25.779 --> 00:23:32.740
here. Okay, cool. I guess that's common. Yeah,

00:23:33.019 --> 00:23:35.640
it's still today. Okay. Still today. All right,

00:23:35.660 --> 00:23:38.640
cool. So, yeah, I used to have to get a ride

00:23:38.640 --> 00:23:40.980
every birthday because, man, I hit every fucking

00:23:40.980 --> 00:23:43.259
one of them. Even the bars I couldn't stand,

00:23:43.380 --> 00:23:46.720
I went in and got my free drink. So. Well, we

00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:50.900
had princess driving STD, so. Oh, good. Good,

00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:56.400
good, good. Yeah. Yeah, you know, the only thing

00:23:56.400 --> 00:23:58.900
is, too bad nobody offered a slice of pizza or

00:23:58.900 --> 00:24:02.599
hummus or a falafel. No shit. But you know what?

00:24:02.619 --> 00:24:05.420
With the money I saved, I always grab a huge

00:24:05.420 --> 00:24:07.759
slice of Antonio's Gourmet Pizza. You remember

00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:11.539
that? Oh, yeah, Antonio's. Yeah. That's some

00:24:11.539 --> 00:24:13.680
good stuff. Yeah, I miss that place. One slice

00:24:13.680 --> 00:24:16.180
is roughly about, what, three pounds, the gourmet

00:24:16.180 --> 00:24:18.900
pizza with all the toppings? Oh, it is. It is.

00:24:19.180 --> 00:24:21.660
I mean, the toppings. It is huge. It is like

00:24:21.660 --> 00:24:24.099
four inches of toppings on the top of that thing.

00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:25.940
Of everything you could think of, pretty much.

00:24:26.680 --> 00:24:29.079
I think that place went out after someone was

00:24:29.079 --> 00:24:33.119
shot in this lobby, wasn't it, one night? Yeah,

00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:34.880
I'm pretty sure that's what happened, and then

00:24:34.880 --> 00:24:38.240
it turned into a kebab place or something. I've

00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:44.799
been away from there since 2001. Okay. Okay.

00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:47.680
Well, okay, I've got another thing I want to

00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:50.460
go into here, though. Have you heard about the

00:24:50.460 --> 00:24:55.079
reverse coke machines? No. Well, you know what?

00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:57.079
Let's have New Guy explain it. Does that sound

00:24:57.079 --> 00:24:59.640
good, even though he's surly and he hates us?

00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:07.380
Okay, new guy, what the hell is a reverse coke

00:25:07.380 --> 00:25:13.339
machine? Hello, this is a new guy, and I guess

00:25:13.339 --> 00:25:16.220
I need you to explain a reverse vending coke

00:25:16.220 --> 00:25:23.839
machine. So, here we go, these two guys. Okay,

00:25:23.980 --> 00:25:26.579
a reverse vending coke machine operates like

00:25:26.579 --> 00:25:29.299
this. It is a vending machine that you actually

00:25:29.299 --> 00:25:32.819
put aluminum cans in, and what it does is it

00:25:32.819 --> 00:25:35.900
crushes it and stores them inside of it for recycling.

00:25:36.940 --> 00:25:40.339
So, big whoop, right? Yeah, that's what I thought,

00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:44.819
too. Who the fuck cares? Anyhow, here you go.

00:25:44.900 --> 00:25:50.000
Go back to these two idiots. Okay, well, do we

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:52.599
say thank you, new guy? I mean, he is so surly

00:25:52.599 --> 00:26:01.480
and mean. Thank you, new guy. You're awesome.

00:26:01.559 --> 00:26:04.779
My last shot. We're not being nice to you anymore.

00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:08.799
I mean, you gave him 50 bucks, some camo slippers.

00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:13.420
Yeah. I gave him more pencil shavings, Rob. I

00:26:13.420 --> 00:26:17.460
don't know what he wants. I don't either. Some

00:26:17.460 --> 00:26:19.440
people are a tough nut to crack. That's all I

00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:21.339
know. I mean, you know, we did everything for

00:26:21.339 --> 00:26:24.420
this guy, and he still hates it. Anyhow, him

00:26:24.420 --> 00:26:28.779
and Mitch need to get together, right? All right.

00:26:29.629 --> 00:26:32.750
So, a few days ago, I was talking at work. Don't

00:26:32.750 --> 00:26:35.769
get me started. Don't get me started. No, that's

00:26:35.769 --> 00:26:38.670
why I went on. That's why I went on, Rob. Alright,

00:26:38.869 --> 00:26:41.170
thank you. Yeah, we don't want to get stuck there.

00:26:41.630 --> 00:26:44.750
So, yeah, Mitch is still being a bitch. So, okay.

00:26:44.990 --> 00:26:49.769
A few days ago... What? What did you say? Go

00:26:49.769 --> 00:26:52.589
ahead. I'm trying to straighten this out. Okay.

00:26:52.890 --> 00:26:55.210
A few days ago, I should have never said his

00:26:55.210 --> 00:26:57.900
name. A few days ago, I was talking at work with

00:26:57.900 --> 00:27:00.420
a couple of friends. We were talking about pranks

00:27:00.420 --> 00:27:03.519
that went seriously wrong. One friend had a prank,

00:27:03.700 --> 00:27:07.440
not a Frank, a prank that got him fired. He shot

00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:10.640
off a train blow horn in the shop and a kid that

00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:13.039
worked there had some form of epilepsy or something

00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:15.259
like that. So when he blew the horn, the kid

00:27:15.259 --> 00:27:17.880
ran around crazy and stepped all over these plastic,

00:27:17.980 --> 00:27:20.880
these moldings for plastic parts, ruined all

00:27:20.880 --> 00:27:23.460
of them. And then he also burned himself running

00:27:23.460 --> 00:27:27.440
to a red hot steam pipe. So needless to say,

00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:31.299
my buddy was fired right there. I bet. Another

00:27:31.299 --> 00:27:33.440
buddy said, but of course I trumped them all

00:27:33.440 --> 00:27:36.900
with my shit here. So another buddy said he kept

00:27:36.900 --> 00:27:39.480
putting little notes in the crapper, just messing

00:27:39.480 --> 00:27:42.079
with people. So one day he put a note in the

00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:44.359
crapper saying that the toilet was going to explode.

00:27:44.759 --> 00:27:47.240
Someone turned him in and it was considered a

00:27:47.240 --> 00:27:49.799
terroristic threat to blow up private property.

00:27:49.980 --> 00:27:52.339
They declined to call the police, but they did

00:27:52.339 --> 00:27:58.579
fire him. And yeah, I know. I mean, I understand

00:27:58.579 --> 00:28:02.000
that. It sounds like fun. But I kind of figured

00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:03.839
when he told me that, I kind of figured that's

00:28:03.839 --> 00:28:05.119
the route they're going to take because they

00:28:05.119 --> 00:28:07.660
have to because of liability. Because if they

00:28:07.660 --> 00:28:10.539
don't address it and someone gets killed, then

00:28:10.539 --> 00:28:13.079
they're liable. So they may know it was just

00:28:13.079 --> 00:28:15.460
a joke, but they can't do anything about it.

00:28:15.480 --> 00:28:21.619
They got to let him go. So then all eyes were

00:28:21.619 --> 00:28:25.019
on me. And they just knew that somewhere, somehow,

00:28:25.160 --> 00:28:27.220
I would have a good story of such debauchery,

00:28:27.259 --> 00:28:29.460
and they were correct. So I thought about it,

00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:32.140
and yep, they were right. I thought of a prank

00:28:32.140 --> 00:28:34.140
that I was involved in that would have got me

00:28:34.140 --> 00:28:37.799
canned easily, but everybody shut their mouth.

00:28:37.960 --> 00:28:40.640
But I'll go on to it here. I was working at this

00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:43.819
Union Sheet Metal outfit for years. The building

00:28:43.819 --> 00:28:46.220
was undergoing an expansion, so they had a heavy

00:28:46.220 --> 00:28:49.099
-duty forklift, right? And they rented it weekly.

00:28:49.720 --> 00:28:51.920
For moving heavy equipment around the shop. During

00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:54.019
the expansion process. Because we didn't have

00:28:54.019 --> 00:28:55.880
enough room. They got a bunch of new press brakes.

00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:58.660
And deep boat presses. And stuff like that right.

00:28:59.099 --> 00:29:01.920
So what they had to do was. They literally had

00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:04.400
to detach everything. All the hydraulics. Take

00:29:04.400 --> 00:29:07.279
one press brake out. And then put another one

00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:11.400
in. Okay. And they had these things stored in

00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:14.160
the back. In this like shed thing. So they had

00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:17.200
to rent this heavy. You ever seen one of those

00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:22.960
heavy hauling. Fork trucks? Yeah. Yeah, the ones

00:29:22.960 --> 00:29:25.079
that can move, I don't know, a building pretty

00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:27.940
much? Well, they had to rent one of them for,

00:29:28.019 --> 00:29:31.579
you know, to move these huge press brakes around

00:29:31.579 --> 00:29:33.339
and the deep -built press brakes and all that.

00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:35.500
And even a laser, they had to move that around,

00:29:35.640 --> 00:29:39.460
too. So they, you know, so they had this thing

00:29:39.460 --> 00:29:42.220
there, and they had to rent it weekly. So when

00:29:42.220 --> 00:29:44.380
the company started renting the heavy -duty forklift,

00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:46.440
the guy from the rental place, he gave us lessons

00:29:46.440 --> 00:29:49.559
on how to properly use a lift. The first thing

00:29:49.559 --> 00:29:55.259
he did, he took his company car and put a pallet

00:29:55.259 --> 00:29:57.900
underneath it, and he lifted the car with the

00:29:57.900 --> 00:30:00.400
lift to demonstrate how powerful the heavy -duty

00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:03.319
lift was, right? Well, Rob, he shouldn't have

00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:06.119
done that, right? Lifting a car with it, right?

00:30:06.380 --> 00:30:09.980
No, no, no, no. Because you know all this evil

00:30:09.980 --> 00:30:12.819
shit's hiding in the brush, waiting to prank

00:30:12.819 --> 00:30:20.299
people with this new toy. in the job sites. Yeah,

00:30:20.359 --> 00:30:23.220
no, you do not do that. This guy just showed

00:30:23.220 --> 00:30:25.240
us you can pick up a car with a fucking thing.

00:30:25.359 --> 00:30:27.819
So we're all like, me and a couple other guys

00:30:27.819 --> 00:30:30.160
are kind of like fucking highbrowing each other.

00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:33.319
Mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm. Yeah, somebody's going

00:30:33.319 --> 00:30:35.880
to get stuck with Grand Theft Auto by the time

00:30:35.880 --> 00:30:38.500
this is done. I see it all. Well, luckily it

00:30:38.500 --> 00:30:43.819
did not go that far. We worked four 10 -hour

00:30:43.819 --> 00:30:46.559
days Monday through Thursday. What we would do

00:30:46.559 --> 00:30:50.119
was Thursday late in the day, we would sneak

00:30:50.119 --> 00:30:52.440
out to the parking lot. We would shrink wrap

00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:55.059
and palletize a workmate's car and put it on

00:30:55.059 --> 00:31:00.799
the roof. Yes. Yes, we did that. And the first

00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:02.440
time, we didn't know if the roof was going to

00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:04.880
give in or not. We knew that the corners had

00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:07.480
special braces. They had the breakaway braces

00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:10.650
in case of... an explosion because we work with

00:31:10.650 --> 00:31:12.769
a lot of hydrogen and stuff like that, right?

00:31:12.990 --> 00:31:15.289
We knew that it was a very stout building. It

00:31:15.289 --> 00:31:17.990
had to be by nature. But we didn't know if it

00:31:17.990 --> 00:31:22.910
was going to hold a car. So after we put it on

00:31:22.910 --> 00:31:24.349
the roof, I'm just sitting there looking going,

00:31:24.430 --> 00:31:27.869
this is fucking stupid. This is fucking stupid.

00:31:28.009 --> 00:31:30.609
If this caves in, not only are we paying for

00:31:30.609 --> 00:31:34.329
a car, we're paying for it with no job. And a

00:31:34.329 --> 00:31:37.700
building. But it didn't cave in. It was strong.

00:31:37.940 --> 00:31:42.220
So the victim, he would come out to go home that

00:31:42.220 --> 00:31:45.339
Thursday afternoon, right? And he would think

00:31:45.339 --> 00:31:48.119
his car was stolen. And then someone would come

00:31:48.119 --> 00:31:52.299
out and go, hey, whose car is on the roof? And

00:31:52.299 --> 00:31:54.140
they'd look over there and go, motherfucker.

00:31:56.519 --> 00:32:02.099
So the victim would be like standing there stung

00:32:02.099 --> 00:32:06.069
going, okay, guys. Who shrink -wrapped palletized

00:32:06.069 --> 00:32:08.869
my car and put it on the roof? Take it down now.

00:32:10.450 --> 00:32:13.150
So we have to go get the forklift, take the car

00:32:13.150 --> 00:32:15.650
down, go, here you go. But it's a great prank,

00:32:15.869 --> 00:32:20.650
you know, right? So one afternoon, we did this

00:32:20.650 --> 00:32:23.410
to an older guy named Wesley. He was close to

00:32:23.410 --> 00:32:27.210
retirement, and he was cranky as hell. So he's

00:32:27.210 --> 00:32:30.289
the perfect guy to do it to, right? Yeah. He

00:32:30.289 --> 00:32:32.619
was going to retire in two months. And he was

00:32:32.619 --> 00:32:35.319
just a mouthy old bastard. So we're like, let's

00:32:35.319 --> 00:32:38.220
get Wesley. So one afternoon we did this to,

00:32:38.359 --> 00:32:42.000
you know, Wesley. You know, he's kind of like

00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:44.700
me, cranky, you know. But I'm working until I'm

00:32:44.700 --> 00:32:47.099
150 years old. Wesley did not. He got out when

00:32:47.099 --> 00:32:51.720
he was 65. And I think you're working until 200,

00:32:51.799 --> 00:32:53.539
aren't you, Rob? I'm going 150, you're going

00:32:53.539 --> 00:32:57.579
200 years old. No, I'm going, I'll name it three.

00:32:58.299 --> 00:33:05.000
300? Okay, I'll work until I'm 200. I'm not bragging,

00:33:05.019 --> 00:33:07.279
but I'm still in decent shape. I think I can

00:33:07.279 --> 00:33:09.839
make it to 300. You know, except for everything

00:33:09.839 --> 00:33:13.039
falling apart on me, I'm in decent shape. Oh,

00:33:13.099 --> 00:33:16.039
yeah? Yeah. Okay, so after we shrink -wrapped

00:33:16.039 --> 00:33:18.299
his car and placed it on the roof corner, we

00:33:18.299 --> 00:33:20.460
had no idea that the heavy mover company came

00:33:20.460 --> 00:33:22.960
and took the forklift and then hauled it back

00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:26.319
to the mover shop for routine maintenance. Uh

00:33:26.319 --> 00:33:30.460
-huh. Yeah. So Wesley came out after he clocked

00:33:30.460 --> 00:33:34.000
out to no car. He flipped out. A guy told him

00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:35.839
he thought he saw his car on the roof in the

00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:41.019
corner. He was, Wes was furious. So I still remember

00:33:41.019 --> 00:33:42.859
the look on his face. He was so fucking mad.

00:33:43.240 --> 00:33:46.119
So I went in to grab the fork truck and was informed

00:33:46.119 --> 00:33:50.240
that the forklift was gone for the weekend. So

00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:55.200
I'm like, hmm, this is quite a dilemma. We put

00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:58.509
the guy's car on the roof. with this heavy -duty

00:33:58.509 --> 00:34:04.190
forklift, and now it's gone. So I had to tell

00:34:04.190 --> 00:34:06.750
the shop super what happened, but I stated I

00:34:06.750 --> 00:34:09.170
had no idea who pulled the prank, although I

00:34:09.170 --> 00:34:11.070
was part of it and I knew everybody involved,

00:34:11.369 --> 00:34:14.530
right? So the super was so angry, he had to have

00:34:14.530 --> 00:34:18.730
to call the heavy movie company back, open the

00:34:18.730 --> 00:34:22.050
shop back up, and have someone take it back to

00:34:22.050 --> 00:34:25.460
our shop on overtime. This cost the company about

00:34:25.460 --> 00:34:29.380
$1 ,500, and they were fucking pissed, of course,

00:34:29.400 --> 00:34:33.500
because the heavy -duty, the moving company,

00:34:33.619 --> 00:34:36.199
the heavy -duty moving company, it closed at

00:34:36.199 --> 00:34:39.960
3 o 'clock, and we got off at 3 .30. And you

00:34:39.960 --> 00:34:42.539
didn't know this, okay? So they called down there,

00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:45.079
and luckily they caught somebody before they

00:34:45.079 --> 00:34:47.500
left. And the guy's like, yeah, he goes, hey,

00:34:47.539 --> 00:34:49.699
we've got a situation here, and I said, they're

00:34:49.699 --> 00:34:53.519
listening. Yeah, someone apparently put a car

00:34:53.519 --> 00:34:57.860
on the roof. You'd hear the guy on the other

00:34:57.860 --> 00:35:01.679
side going, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got some

00:35:01.679 --> 00:35:08.159
real weird guys here. Yeah, we're sorry. Well,

00:35:08.280 --> 00:35:10.179
nobody's here. I'm going to have to call someone

00:35:10.179 --> 00:35:13.980
in to haul it back. Okay, whatever it costs,

00:35:14.099 --> 00:35:16.739
let us know. We got to get this guy's car off

00:35:16.739 --> 00:35:21.360
the roof. Then they brought it back. So the management

00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:23.940
threatened to fire everybody but Wesley, but

00:35:23.940 --> 00:35:26.360
of course we knew they couldn't. And then the

00:35:26.360 --> 00:35:29.119
union got involved, and the union finally calmed

00:35:29.119 --> 00:35:31.219
them down and said, look, guys, nobody's telling,

00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:34.480
and you can't fire everybody. Get over it. So

00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:38.980
it ended up being okay, but it was scary because

00:35:38.980 --> 00:35:42.099
they wanted to fire everybody. They were talking

00:35:42.099 --> 00:35:43.739
about going to the union and picking out some

00:35:43.739 --> 00:35:46.949
other guys that were qualified. And then the

00:35:46.949 --> 00:35:48.769
union had to get involved and go, wait a minute,

00:35:48.789 --> 00:35:50.530
you can't fire people because you think they

00:35:50.530 --> 00:35:53.250
had something to do with it. You have to absolutely

00:35:53.250 --> 00:35:56.409
know, because if not, that's our territory and

00:35:56.409 --> 00:36:00.110
we're going to court. So the company had no choice

00:36:00.110 --> 00:36:05.489
but to let it go. But they were furious. So luckily

00:36:05.489 --> 00:36:07.610
there wasn't any cameras back at that point.

00:36:07.650 --> 00:36:12.019
This was the late 80s, 90s. I think it's 90s,

00:36:12.019 --> 00:36:15.820
solid 90s, 93, 4, 5, I don't know, somewhere

00:36:15.820 --> 00:36:18.039
in there. But there wasn't cameras everywhere

00:36:18.039 --> 00:36:19.860
like there is now. Nowadays, you couldn't do

00:36:19.860 --> 00:36:22.360
it because they go, hey, roll the cameras. Hey,

00:36:22.539 --> 00:36:24.760
hey, isn't that Mark? Yeah, okay, all right,

00:36:24.780 --> 00:36:28.380
we'll call him in here, you know. So, yeah, that

00:36:28.380 --> 00:36:32.380
prank right there won the prank, the whole prank

00:36:32.380 --> 00:36:35.480
off that we had talking. Everyone's like, all

00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:37.460
right, Mark, you got it. That's it, you got it,

00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:41.329
you got it. So, anyhow. Uh, Rob, uh, that's,

00:36:41.329 --> 00:36:43.690
I, I got more, but like always, I mean, we can

00:36:43.690 --> 00:37:14.409
go on for three hours. So we go to you. Oh, okay.

00:37:15.389 --> 00:38:12.340
Yeah, 77 -year -old woman. God bless her. Babble

00:38:12.340 --> 00:38:18.039
Snatch. No, I got it. Okay, okay. I'm sorry I

00:38:18.039 --> 00:38:20.099
pulled the Babble Snatch a little too soon. Go

00:38:20.099 --> 00:38:22.699
ahead. I apologize. That's about as close as

00:38:22.699 --> 00:38:24.519
you get on that one. Okay, that's good. That's

00:38:24.519 --> 00:38:29.760
good. I've been studying this one. I just like

00:38:29.760 --> 00:39:30.929
saying Babble Snatch, Rob. I know you do. Okay.

00:39:31.030 --> 00:39:34.929
That's when Phil took hold of one of the men's

00:39:34.929 --> 00:39:38.949
collars and banged his head three times against

00:39:38.949 --> 00:39:46.809
the ATM. Nice. Go, Granny. Go, Granny. Hell yeah,

00:39:46.869 --> 00:40:17.119
Granny. Beat those thugs. That is. I love that.

00:40:17.280 --> 00:40:20.460
This story goes on, but I think I'll stop it

00:40:20.460 --> 00:40:24.460
right there. I love that story. Thank you, Rob.

00:40:24.579 --> 00:40:28.619
Yes. Granny wins. Granny wins. Yes. Hell yeah.

00:40:28.739 --> 00:40:32.480
Go, Granny, go. All right. Should we take our

00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:34.099
first break? Yeah, let's take a break. Come back

00:40:34.099 --> 00:40:36.780
with some emails? All right. We'll be right back.

00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:43.659
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know

00:40:43.659 --> 00:40:53.059
what to do. Hi all, this is Mark here. I'm usually

00:40:53.059 --> 00:40:55.400
the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.

00:40:56.239 --> 00:40:59.239
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.

00:41:00.199 --> 00:41:02.320
You ever consider just going to ground zero and

00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:04.420
saying fuck it? Do you really want to be the

00:41:04.420 --> 00:41:06.860
guy running around looking for radioactive deer,

00:41:07.039 --> 00:41:10.079
guessing whether water is not contaminated or

00:41:10.079 --> 00:41:13.599
not? No food, no shelter, no nothing. Oh no,

00:41:13.699 --> 00:41:15.340
there's a strong argument that says, you know

00:41:15.340 --> 00:41:18.500
what, let's just go to Crown Zero and see what's

00:41:18.500 --> 00:41:23.440
for us after. Just a thought. Sir, I see your

00:41:23.440 --> 00:41:26.440
qualifications here. May I ask some further questions

00:41:26.440 --> 00:41:28.139
that could help me determine your employment

00:41:28.139 --> 00:41:32.039
eligibility? Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you

00:41:32.039 --> 00:41:34.460
can see here, we have a large population of different

00:41:34.460 --> 00:41:38.900
ethnic backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are

00:41:38.900 --> 00:41:42.130
you by chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure

00:41:42.130 --> 00:41:44.710
why you need that kind of information, but, well,

00:41:44.789 --> 00:41:48.170
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

00:41:48.170 --> 00:41:55.550
it experimental. Oh, man, what the fuck is this?

00:41:55.570 --> 00:41:59.730
Is this a new feature? What's inside Mark's head?

00:42:01.170 --> 00:42:06.010
Sounds stupid to me. Hmm. Is Alanis Morissette

00:42:06.010 --> 00:42:11.769
still pissed off? Hmm. Yes, it's true. Mark is

00:42:11.769 --> 00:42:14.750
an old bastard. It's also true that Mark uses

00:42:14.750 --> 00:42:18.050
a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like to tell

00:42:18.050 --> 00:42:21.889
you, if you see any pictures of him roofing ibuprofen,

00:42:21.969 --> 00:42:25.429
it's obviously fake, and you're to take the pictures

00:42:25.429 --> 00:42:28.949
and tear them up immediately. I just made a belt

00:42:28.949 --> 00:42:31.849
out of all my old watches. Wow, that's unique.

00:42:32.170 --> 00:42:36.789
Yeah, it was a waste of time. And now, Deep Thoughts

00:42:36.789 --> 00:42:46.869
with Mark. Hmm. A padlock is turning a door into

00:42:46.869 --> 00:42:58.250
a wall. Yeah. And now we look in on the adventures

00:42:58.250 --> 00:43:02.389
of the technical explanation guy. Oh my. Would

00:43:02.389 --> 00:43:05.769
you look at the Riley scattering? It sure is

00:43:05.769 --> 00:43:09.409
brilliant tonight. First off, you're on private

00:43:09.409 --> 00:43:13.090
property. Second, you're in my flower garden.

00:43:13.510 --> 00:43:16.389
Third, if you're talking about the sunset, yes,

00:43:16.650 --> 00:43:19.969
it is stunning. And finally, would you get the

00:43:19.969 --> 00:43:22.909
hell off my property, you annoying fucking bastard?

00:43:24.010 --> 00:43:27.050
No bat light here. These idiots just show up

00:43:27.050 --> 00:43:30.070
and hope for the best. So you want proof that

00:43:30.070 --> 00:43:32.250
we love you here at QD Spades and Microphone

00:43:32.250 --> 00:43:35.289
Central? Here's a proof right here about the

00:43:35.289 --> 00:43:38.980
drink of the week. Hey, sporty pants. How about

00:43:38.980 --> 00:43:42.260
a black currant margarita? 24 ounces of tequila.

00:43:42.380 --> 00:43:46.199
The best or what good? 20 ounces of cream big

00:43:46.199 --> 00:43:50.820
cassé. 96 ounce big bucket margarita mixer. Garnished

00:43:50.820 --> 00:43:53.420
with lined wheels. Served in a tall pollen's

00:43:53.420 --> 00:43:55.639
glass. Combining ingredients with Big Buffy.

00:43:55.739 --> 00:43:59.539
Stir, seal, and open the bent. Freeze and serve.

00:44:00.699 --> 00:44:04.530
Enjoy, poggers. Have at it. Once again, it's

00:44:04.530 --> 00:44:12.530
time for Ramblings of a Madman. I believe Congress

00:44:12.530 --> 00:44:16.750
needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes

00:44:16.750 --> 00:44:23.369
before each session. That needs to happen. Your

00:44:23.369 --> 00:44:26.510
mama's so old. When she was in school, there

00:44:26.510 --> 00:44:30.110
was no history class. Hey, my fellow heavy breathers,

00:44:30.110 --> 00:44:37.039
this is Dash Riptide. Your music news. Rob Halford,

00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:40.659
the legendary singer of Judas Priest, now has

00:44:40.659 --> 00:44:43.920
his very own action figure on sale. This is from

00:44:43.920 --> 00:44:48.239
McFarlane Toys. It sells for $34 .99, and even

00:44:48.239 --> 00:44:51.340
Halford's action figure is taller than Udo Dirk

00:44:51.340 --> 00:44:55.099
-Snyder. This is Gash Ruktine, and that was your

00:44:55.099 --> 00:44:58.280
music news. If it's too loud, you probably have

00:44:58.280 --> 00:45:08.639
ear damage, just like me. Hey, good kid. No one

00:45:08.639 --> 00:45:10.679
gives an ounce of shit what you had for breakfast.

00:45:10.880 --> 00:45:13.519
Not even the person on the other end. You look

00:45:13.519 --> 00:45:16.099
like a mentally slow driv yelling into thin air

00:45:16.099 --> 00:45:18.199
all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth

00:45:18.199 --> 00:45:21.039
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What

00:45:21.039 --> 00:45:24.119
men consider self -centered dunce. Monty constantly

00:45:24.119 --> 00:45:26.780
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look

00:45:26.780 --> 00:45:29.159
back home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably

00:45:29.159 --> 00:45:31.219
forgot the thieving because you're too busy looking

00:45:31.219 --> 00:45:40.460
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. Two douchebags

00:45:40.460 --> 00:45:42.519
and microphone in an effort to keep everything

00:45:42.519 --> 00:45:49.739
fresh. We offer you first world problems. What

00:45:49.739 --> 00:45:53.280
in the devil? My bank is really out of calendars.

00:45:53.380 --> 00:45:55.679
What do they expect me to do? Go to Walmart and

00:45:55.679 --> 00:45:58.500
buy a $3 calendar? This is complete bullshit.

00:45:58.619 --> 00:46:05.920
I am outraged. Strange, but true. When you're

00:46:05.920 --> 00:46:08.269
outraged, Schnitzer. had a heart attack at a

00:46:08.269 --> 00:46:11.070
grocery store in Newbold, Minnesota in 2011.

00:46:11.650 --> 00:46:16.329
20 people lined up and performed CPR on him for

00:46:16.329 --> 00:46:19.349
over an hour and a half until paramedics arrived.

00:46:19.949 --> 00:46:23.269
When the paramedics arrived via helicopter, they

00:46:23.269 --> 00:46:26.389
witnessed an astonishing scene. Mary Sadova,

00:46:26.510 --> 00:46:29.690
a Mayo Clinic flight nurse who flew in on the

00:46:29.690 --> 00:46:32.369
emergency helicopter saying, it was unbelievable.

00:46:32.789 --> 00:46:35.570
There were probably 20 in line waiting their

00:46:35.570 --> 00:46:38.610
turn to do CPR. They just kept cycling through.

00:46:38.949 --> 00:46:41.409
Thankfully, 54 -year -old Schnitzer survived

00:46:41.409 --> 00:46:49.610
the ordeal. Rob Rad, a man. Rob consumed small

00:46:49.610 --> 00:46:53.969
doses of radiation for 30 years. Rob is immune

00:46:53.969 --> 00:46:58.909
to radiation. Watch him glow. Watch Rob Rad jump

00:46:58.909 --> 00:47:03.050
up 25 feet and grab birds out of thin air with

00:47:03.050 --> 00:47:07.670
his mouth. With his mouth! Rob can now be a mentor

00:47:07.670 --> 00:47:11.349
for children's parties and bar mitzvahs. That's

00:47:11.349 --> 00:47:14.710
right. Come on and rent you a Rob today. That's

00:47:14.710 --> 00:47:19.329
right. Come by and rent Rob for a day. A day!

00:47:19.489 --> 00:47:23.650
A day! Watch Rob consume seven bottles a night

00:47:23.650 --> 00:47:28.010
and still break dance and moonwalk. Watch Rob

00:47:28.010 --> 00:47:31.530
Red fart down a building. Fart down a building!

00:47:32.590 --> 00:47:35.420
Rob Red. who assumes no responsibility whatsoever.

00:47:35.500 --> 00:47:37.559
He is not a babysitter, and he doesn't give one

00:47:37.559 --> 00:47:39.260
hell of a shit about your children. Please remember

00:47:39.260 --> 00:47:41.739
to corral every little bastard you have before

00:47:41.739 --> 00:47:43.960
Rob gets there, and while we'll not put up with

00:47:43.960 --> 00:47:46.260
any backtalk, we will promptly get them in the

00:47:46.260 --> 00:47:48.699
place. Rob Bragg assumes no responsibility for

00:47:48.699 --> 00:47:50.579
anything that could be stolen from his visit.

00:47:50.639 --> 00:47:53.000
Rob Bragg has no responsibility whatsoever in

00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:56.000
any help him of any situation. Read a Rob today.

00:48:07.079 --> 00:48:09.659
Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark here

00:48:09.659 --> 00:48:12.480
in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap

00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:19.699
studio. And I am Robin, the beautiful and angle

00:48:19.699 --> 00:48:23.440
arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the Duck Blind studio.

00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:31.139
For now. Let's go into some emails. Sounds good.

00:48:31.380 --> 00:48:34.880
All right. Mark, I found a full vintage Quaker

00:48:34.880 --> 00:48:37.900
State oil in the old cork can. Will you sell

00:48:37.900 --> 00:48:41.900
it for me or just buy it for $100? Richie in

00:48:41.900 --> 00:48:45.079
New Mexico. Yeah, yeah, I'll buy it for $100.

00:48:45.360 --> 00:48:49.519
Send it to me. Rob, you don't want it, do you?

00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:56.440
My top dollar was going to be $75. Yeah, see?

00:48:56.880 --> 00:49:01.239
You got it. Okay, all right, okay. Richie in

00:49:01.239 --> 00:49:03.679
New Mexico, thank you. Your check's in the mail.

00:49:04.079 --> 00:49:09.179
Right? Fair? Yep. All right. This next one, the

00:49:09.179 --> 00:49:12.380
new guy sucks. Fire him immediately. Timmy in

00:49:12.380 --> 00:49:15.099
Belmont. I don't know where Belmont is, but P

00:49:15.099 --> 00:49:17.679
.S., love the mystery sports guy. Please keep

00:49:17.679 --> 00:49:21.219
that going. Okay, new guy, you suck. Mystery

00:49:21.219 --> 00:49:25.840
sports guy, whoever he is, you rule. I don't

00:49:25.840 --> 00:49:27.739
know who he is. Do you, the mystery sports guy?

00:49:28.380 --> 00:49:31.360
No, I don't. He just showed up one day and just

00:49:31.360 --> 00:49:33.159
started doing the show. I'm like, what the hell?

00:49:33.260 --> 00:49:35.719
And he goes, he said, just get out of here. I

00:49:35.719 --> 00:49:38.300
left. I come back. He had it posted. I'm like,

00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:42.840
wow, okay. Thanks, mystery dude. All right, next

00:49:42.840 --> 00:49:47.179
one. Mark, did you see where the CEO of Ticketmaster

00:49:47.179 --> 00:49:50.440
said concerts were underpriced? I think that's

00:49:50.440 --> 00:49:56.159
true. What a dick. And I think what he meant

00:49:56.159 --> 00:49:58.039
by I think that's true is not like he thought

00:49:58.039 --> 00:50:01.820
is underpriced. He thinks the guy said that.

00:50:02.320 --> 00:50:10.739
Yeah, I think. Anyhow, Vinny Nebraska, let's

00:50:10.739 --> 00:50:12.679
have New Guy explain this too. You want to give

00:50:12.679 --> 00:50:19.599
New Guy another chance? Well, I don't want to

00:50:19.599 --> 00:50:21.800
explain it myself, so let's make him do it, okay?

00:50:21.860 --> 00:50:23.820
And if he sucks really bad, we'll just, I don't

00:50:23.820 --> 00:50:27.239
know. I'll, I don't know, maybe we'll paddle

00:50:27.239 --> 00:50:31.619
him. Oh, that's right, he's getting ass paddling

00:50:31.619 --> 00:50:33.739
anyhow. He may not want to do it. All right,

00:50:33.800 --> 00:50:41.659
new guy, explain this. Hello, this is the new

00:50:41.659 --> 00:50:47.239
guy, and I've been instructed to... Explain something

00:50:47.239 --> 00:50:50.260
about Ticketmaster's CEO being a douchebag again.

00:50:51.840 --> 00:50:56.940
Well, here we go. I -Nation Entertainment CEO

00:50:56.940 --> 00:50:59.679
Michael Rapinoe stated that concert tickets are

00:50:59.679 --> 00:51:02.820
underpriced, a view that is drawing public criticism

00:51:02.820 --> 00:51:05.739
from bands and artists. He attributed rising

00:51:05.739 --> 00:51:08.260
prices to the high cost of modern, elaborate

00:51:08.260 --> 00:51:10.940
concert productions and suggested that the value

00:51:10.940 --> 00:51:12.880
of live music has been diminished by streaming

00:51:12.880 --> 00:51:16.230
services. This comment has come amid legal challenges

00:51:16.230 --> 00:51:18.989
against Live Nation and Ticketmaster, including

00:51:18.989 --> 00:51:21.530
an antitrust lawsuit from the Department of Justice

00:51:21.530 --> 00:51:25.269
and a separate suit from the FTC alleging hidden

00:51:25.269 --> 00:51:27.869
fees and insufficient action against scalpers.

00:51:28.730 --> 00:51:32.469
So there you guys go, and I hope these bastards

00:51:32.469 --> 00:51:37.429
are happy. Okay, thank you, new guy. Jeez, man,

00:51:37.469 --> 00:51:39.090
I don't know how long he's going to be around.

00:51:39.250 --> 00:51:45.659
He's being a dick. Jeez. Yeah, I don't know,

00:51:45.659 --> 00:51:47.659
man. I mean, I think his tummy hurts. I think

00:51:47.659 --> 00:51:49.539
he might have gastritis. I think that's what

00:51:49.539 --> 00:51:51.920
the problem is. He kind of sounds like he's got

00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:55.179
tummy ache, doesn't he? I think he just needs

00:51:55.179 --> 00:51:59.139
to get weight. I'll say it. I'll say it. Okay.

00:51:59.239 --> 00:52:03.139
All right. Rob, how do you handle jock itch?

00:52:04.480 --> 00:52:07.360
I forgot about this one. Asking for a friend,

00:52:07.500 --> 00:52:15.519
Jeremy in Denver. Rob? Curse him. Okay, there

00:52:15.519 --> 00:52:19.460
you go, Jeremy. I'll tear your jacket any time.

00:52:19.699 --> 00:52:22.159
There you go. Wipe that shit right away, bitch.

00:52:22.599 --> 00:52:29.900
Guaranteed. All right. Guys, I need your onion

00:52:29.900 --> 00:52:32.900
ring recipe. I'm having company over. Johnny

00:52:32.900 --> 00:52:39.239
and O .P. Well, you want to have the new guy

00:52:39.239 --> 00:52:41.800
do this, too, or not? Nah, you know what? No,

00:52:41.820 --> 00:52:45.969
no, no. No, you know what? No. Okay, Johnny.

00:52:46.409 --> 00:52:49.050
He's going to start feeling overworked. Yeah,

00:52:49.050 --> 00:52:51.969
we've had him do two things today. He ain't going

00:52:51.969 --> 00:52:56.190
to do a third. Yeah. Okay, Johnny, I use Bisquick.

00:52:57.469 --> 00:53:00.230
Yeah, actually, that's what I use. Yeah, yeah.

00:53:01.230 --> 00:53:02.849
Slice your onions up, and you've got to make

00:53:02.849 --> 00:53:06.409
sure your onions are damp but not wet. Not completely

00:53:06.409 --> 00:53:09.710
wet. And then you sifted it in the Bisquick.

00:53:10.159 --> 00:53:14.000
And you can also add like, what is it, like cornmeal

00:53:14.000 --> 00:53:17.619
for a little texture if you want. This is real.

00:53:18.139 --> 00:53:23.280
And then I like to put in garlic and I think

00:53:23.280 --> 00:53:28.960
it's called flaked onion. Okay, yeah. Yeah, flaked

00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:31.239
onion and garlic. And the flaked onion gives

00:53:31.239 --> 00:53:33.119
a neat little flavor to it. It's like little

00:53:33.119 --> 00:53:35.820
flakes of onion. And it's green onion, so it's

00:53:35.820 --> 00:53:39.559
like little green flakes. Anyhow, that's... That

00:53:39.559 --> 00:53:43.820
sounds about right, Rob. Yeah, yeah, that sounds

00:53:43.820 --> 00:53:46.380
really good to me. I've never tried that. That

00:53:46.380 --> 00:53:49.559
does sound good. But, yeah, I use the fish quick

00:53:49.559 --> 00:53:52.139
and the onion and the cornmeal. That's what I

00:53:52.139 --> 00:53:56.239
use. Seriously, seriously. Oh, yeah, you have

00:53:56.239 --> 00:53:59.280
to go to a specialty spice store to get the flaked

00:53:59.280 --> 00:54:02.699
onion. It's not readily available anywhere. You

00:54:02.699 --> 00:54:04.559
don't go into Walmart and get it. You don't go

00:54:04.559 --> 00:54:07.780
into Target and get it. Go into Price Chopper

00:54:07.780 --> 00:54:10.380
or even Hen House and get it. You have to go

00:54:10.380 --> 00:54:12.840
to a spice store. And they do have spice stores.

00:54:13.019 --> 00:54:15.820
They might have them online, too. But I used

00:54:15.820 --> 00:54:17.440
to go to this store at Independence that was

00:54:17.440 --> 00:54:19.480
nothing but spices, and I would get it from there.

00:54:19.679 --> 00:54:23.699
So, all right, next. Oh, thank you, Johnny and

00:54:23.699 --> 00:54:25.420
O .P., even though your name isn't Johnny and

00:54:25.420 --> 00:54:27.920
it still fucking bothers me. All right. Thank

00:54:27.920 --> 00:54:31.940
you, Johnny. Are you and Topher doing any sports

00:54:31.940 --> 00:54:36.799
bastards soon? Less in St. Pete Beach. Yeah,

00:54:36.799 --> 00:54:39.300
we've had trouble getting together. It's been

00:54:39.300 --> 00:54:42.860
one thing after another. You know, life happens.

00:54:43.280 --> 00:54:45.760
Yeah, we're still doing them. We just haven't

00:54:45.760 --> 00:54:48.260
had a chance to. And hopefully this week we'll

00:54:48.260 --> 00:54:50.219
get back on track. My schedule at work is messed

00:54:50.219 --> 00:54:53.880
up because people are on vacation. So we've got

00:54:53.880 --> 00:54:56.739
to fit it in on different days. So anyhow, yes,

00:54:56.800 --> 00:55:00.980
it's still going on. So thank you, Les. And this

00:55:00.980 --> 00:55:03.579
next one I love. Why is New Guy such an asshole,

00:55:03.719 --> 00:55:08.380
Wendy in Oregon? Rob, you got any theories? I

00:55:08.380 --> 00:55:11.059
told you, I think he needs to get laid. All right.

00:55:12.900 --> 00:55:15.840
New Guy, you need to get away. And you know what,

00:55:15.860 --> 00:55:19.300
New Guy, it's not too... Oh, laid. Oh, laid.

00:55:19.679 --> 00:55:24.719
Get away, get laid. Okay, okay. New Guy, New

00:55:24.719 --> 00:55:28.760
Guy, it appears you need some ass. Yeah, come

00:55:28.760 --> 00:55:32.280
on, we're douchebags. Yeah, yes. So, you know

00:55:32.280 --> 00:55:34.099
what, Rob? I agree with you. Now hearing it like

00:55:34.099 --> 00:55:36.239
that and not what I thought I heard, I agree

00:55:36.239 --> 00:55:40.900
with that 100%. Yep. Yep. New guy, I don't know.

00:55:41.460 --> 00:55:44.880
Get away would be nice, but get laid, hey, that'll

00:55:44.880 --> 00:55:47.119
change your outlook in life. How about get laid

00:55:47.119 --> 00:55:48.980
and get away? Or get away and get laid while

00:55:48.980 --> 00:55:52.260
you're away? There you go. There you go. New

00:55:52.260 --> 00:55:56.820
guy, you're welcome. We may have set you up for

00:55:56.820 --> 00:55:59.780
it. Oh, he just flipped us off and slammed the

00:55:59.780 --> 00:56:05.219
door. No, we're not getting through. All right,

00:56:05.219 --> 00:56:09.519
Rob, you got some stuff, right? Go ahead. Yes,

00:56:09.519 --> 00:56:14.920
I do. Tonight's Rob's Bag of Garbage. All right.

00:56:43.219 --> 00:57:11.199
That's a big tumor. Really? Wow. Man, look at

00:57:11.199 --> 00:57:13.840
her now. She got the last laugh, that's for sure.

00:57:14.239 --> 00:57:19.480
Anyhow, go ahead. Kraut was initially misdiagnosed

00:57:19.480 --> 00:57:23.400
with obesity and type 2 diabetes. So they thought

00:57:23.400 --> 00:57:26.599
he was a fat ass. Huh? They thought he was a

00:57:26.599 --> 00:57:31.519
fat ass, right? Yeah, yeah. And even got him

00:57:31.519 --> 00:58:02.909
with type 2 diabetes. Shit. Well, that guy was

00:58:02.909 --> 00:58:05.170
proactive on trying to lose the weight, wasn't

00:58:05.170 --> 00:58:07.989
he? Ozympic, gastric sleeve, all that stuff.

00:58:08.110 --> 00:58:13.630
Yeah, yeah. The tumor had caused extensive damage,

00:58:13.750 --> 00:58:18.230
requiring a 10 -hour surgery to remove it, along

00:58:18.230 --> 00:58:21.429
with his right kidney and part of his small intestine.

00:58:22.710 --> 00:59:02.920
Thankfully, he survived. Wow. Well, good. Okay.

00:59:02.920 --> 00:59:06.940
I have a heart attack in a bar after downing

00:59:06.940 --> 00:59:11.860
three bottles of rum, eight beers, multiple doubles

00:59:11.860 --> 00:59:16.519
of whiskey, and cognac, and beating five young

00:59:16.519 --> 00:59:20.920
Royal Navy sailors at arm wrestling. He tried

00:59:20.920 --> 00:59:28.880
like a true gladiator. Go ahead. I love that.

00:59:37.420 --> 00:59:39.079
Well, you know what? I guess that was kind of

00:59:39.079 --> 00:59:43.980
cruel laughing. Yeah, yeah. He would enjoy it.

00:59:44.360 --> 00:59:49.519
Yes. Wow. All right, Rob. Thank you. That was

00:59:49.519 --> 00:59:53.019
excellent. I got a Jeffy. Excellent. Oh, no,

00:59:53.119 --> 00:59:56.440
no. Let's do our nipple yank ass cheek bite.

00:59:57.699 --> 01:00:00.900
Yeah. Okay. And this is playful. This is something

01:00:00.900 --> 01:00:04.079
that we do occasionally. It's playful. And it's

01:00:04.079 --> 01:00:06.789
just people we want one. We do a little nipple

01:00:06.789 --> 01:00:10.650
yank. Another one that we do is a nut flick,

01:00:10.710 --> 01:00:12.889
and we decide who we do this to. And we only

01:00:12.889 --> 01:00:15.909
get one person each time to do this to, and an

01:00:15.909 --> 01:00:19.130
ass cheek bite. And they're famous people. Yeah,

01:00:19.170 --> 01:00:21.969
it's famous people that you would know. And this

01:00:21.969 --> 01:00:24.530
is playful and fun. We just want to see their

01:00:24.530 --> 01:00:37.880
reactions. So, Rob, I let you go. Go ahead. Yeah,

01:00:37.980 --> 01:00:40.760
you better get down around his kneecaps for that

01:00:40.760 --> 01:00:45.760
one. No, this is a congratulations on his new

01:00:45.760 --> 01:00:48.780
marriage. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah,

01:00:48.840 --> 01:00:51.719
yeah, yeah, yep. You may never yank for his congratulations

01:00:51.719 --> 01:00:54.260
for his new marriage. All right, good, good.

01:00:54.360 --> 01:00:56.400
Make sure his husband isn't there. He might punch

01:00:56.400 --> 01:01:01.880
you. I may have to get permission. But, you know,

01:01:01.880 --> 01:01:03.800
as long as it's a congratulations. Just tell

01:01:03.800 --> 01:01:07.360
Rob and his partner, hey, you know, Mark. This

01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:09.880
is what we do with douchebags. It's nothing bad.

01:01:10.260 --> 01:01:13.079
So, anyhow, go ahead. This is from a fan. Yes.

01:01:13.079 --> 01:01:20.219
Yeah. Okay, my ass cheek bite goes to Sammy Hagar.

01:01:22.739 --> 01:01:27.960
Okay, I just, I want to see that happen. I want

01:01:27.960 --> 01:01:32.539
to see if he tastes like Cabo Wabo tequila. He

01:01:32.539 --> 01:01:36.400
might. He brings away so much tequila. I bet

01:01:36.400 --> 01:01:41.619
if you, I bet you might, too. And, I mean, he

01:01:41.619 --> 01:01:44.360
still looks young, which is crazy. He drinks

01:01:44.360 --> 01:01:50.619
so much tequila. So, anyhow. Right. Okay, in

01:01:50.619 --> 01:01:53.760
my Netflix, I'm bringing in a cartoon character.

01:01:54.400 --> 01:02:00.920
Okay. I'm bringing in Rudolph the Red -Nosed

01:02:00.920 --> 01:02:05.000
Reindeer. He needs one. About time. About time.

01:02:14.889 --> 01:02:18.130
Light on, light off. Light on, light off. Light

01:02:18.130 --> 01:02:27.409
on, light off. Can't argue with that one. Light

01:02:27.409 --> 01:02:31.929
on, light off. Be like a fidget spinner, calm

01:02:31.929 --> 01:02:35.429
you down. Santa, come save me, please. This weird

01:02:35.429 --> 01:02:41.289
guy is spinning me around. All right. My nipple

01:02:41.289 --> 01:02:45.389
yank goes to Weird Al Yankovic. It's even in

01:02:45.389 --> 01:02:49.789
his name, Yank. Yes, it is. Yeah, Yankovic. So

01:02:49.789 --> 01:02:53.710
I want to yank his nipple. Playful. I want to

01:02:53.710 --> 01:02:57.750
yank his nipple. Yeah, Yankovic. Not his dick.

01:02:57.829 --> 01:03:02.050
I want to yank his nipple. Weird Al Yankinip.

01:03:02.409 --> 01:03:05.889
Yeah, Yankinip. That's his name. Weird Al Yankinip.

01:03:06.610 --> 01:03:10.119
All right. The nut flick. Goes to Damien Wayans.

01:03:10.179 --> 01:03:13.179
Just because you don't see him anymore. Alright.

01:03:13.420 --> 01:03:16.280
I want to see him like, I don't know, at a mall

01:03:16.280 --> 01:03:19.460
or something. Getting a new pair of fucking runners

01:03:19.460 --> 01:03:23.260
or something. Walk up and just go, Damien. Yeah.

01:03:23.900 --> 01:03:28.059
Just because I love you. Don't get mad. And he'll

01:03:28.059 --> 01:03:31.519
go, haha, you got me. Okay. Alright. Probably

01:03:31.519 --> 01:03:35.039
not. Anyhow. And the ass cheek bite goes to the

01:03:35.039 --> 01:03:40.829
one and only Al Pacino. Because he does angry

01:03:40.829 --> 01:03:43.650
so well. I want to see the look on his face.

01:03:44.530 --> 01:03:46.670
I want to see the look on his face after I do

01:03:46.670 --> 01:03:49.550
that. He wouldn't have to say a word. He would

01:03:49.550 --> 01:03:52.530
just give me that death stare. Like, okay, Al.

01:03:52.650 --> 01:03:55.690
I know. You're going to kill me. It's okay. I

01:03:55.690 --> 01:03:58.289
get it. You don't like your ass cheek being bit.

01:03:58.489 --> 01:04:00.849
Neither do I. Go ahead, Al. Do what you got to

01:04:00.849 --> 01:04:08.519
do. All right. All right. Let's see now. Let's

01:04:08.519 --> 01:04:11.440
take our second break, and you want to come back

01:04:11.440 --> 01:04:16.159
with the Crum Olympics? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're

01:04:16.159 --> 01:04:17.840
going to do that last time, but we ran out of

01:04:17.840 --> 01:04:20.800
time. So, therefore, you guys have the horrible

01:04:20.800 --> 01:04:25.480
pleasure of getting it this time. So, we'll be

01:04:25.480 --> 01:04:38.360
right back. But not here at Two Deuce Bags Microphone.

01:04:38.440 --> 01:04:40.639
Here at Two Deuce Bags Microphone, we question

01:04:40.639 --> 01:04:43.019
everything. That's why we have a little segment

01:04:43.019 --> 01:04:46.099
we'd like to call, I Call Bullshit. Bullshit.

01:04:46.440 --> 01:04:50.900
Bullshit. Bullshit. So let me make sure I have

01:04:50.900 --> 01:04:53.019
this correct. All the waiting for Epstein client

01:04:53.019 --> 01:04:56.440
list. All the promises of justice. All the huge

01:04:56.440 --> 01:04:58.300
names that were all over his private island.

01:04:58.599 --> 01:05:01.260
Suddenly, there's no client list. It's a well

01:05:01.260 --> 01:05:04.639
-known fact Epstein kept a list of clients. So

01:05:04.639 --> 01:05:06.739
Ghislaine Maxwell is rotting in prison and has

01:05:06.739 --> 01:05:09.260
no memory of any of her visitors when she was

01:05:09.260 --> 01:05:11.679
one of the hosts? You mean to tell me she cannot

01:05:11.679 --> 01:05:14.380
spit out a few names? They barter with every

01:05:14.380 --> 01:05:17.519
other criminal. Why not her? I'll tell you why.

01:05:18.000 --> 01:05:21.500
Because power protects power. That's why. This

01:05:21.500 --> 01:05:24.219
bullshit dog and pony show will only go so far.

01:05:25.059 --> 01:05:27.980
Promises and convictions turn to dust. I'll even

01:05:27.980 --> 01:05:31.019
go one step further. Jeffrey Epstein is still

01:05:31.019 --> 01:05:34.190
alive. His death was faked. His friends made

01:05:34.190 --> 01:05:36.789
sure of this. The next time you think justice

01:05:36.789 --> 01:05:39.469
will be served will be a cold day in hell. Or

01:05:39.469 --> 01:05:41.769
just wait until his perverts do kick off. Then

01:05:41.769 --> 01:05:44.230
ask them the temperature in hell. Jamar Chase,

01:05:44.570 --> 01:05:47.809
what in the hell did you say this time? This

01:05:47.809 --> 01:05:50.170
idea has worked out so well for you in the past.

01:05:50.710 --> 01:05:53.030
Just go ahead, fat mouth one of the all -time

01:05:53.030 --> 01:05:55.650
greatest quarterbacks in the league ever. Your

01:05:55.650 --> 01:05:58.530
quote was, without Kelsey, Mahomes is just another

01:05:58.530 --> 01:06:01.530
Kirk Cousins with a headband. Well then, Mr.

01:06:01.610 --> 01:06:04.480
Chase. You should know Kirk Cousins very well.

01:06:04.699 --> 01:06:08.059
You and him have the same amount of rings. You

01:06:08.059 --> 01:06:10.699
remind us of a little lap dog, nipping at the

01:06:10.699 --> 01:06:15.440
heels of your daddy. Now it's time for Pickup

01:06:15.440 --> 01:06:18.219
Lines from a Loser. Can you take me to the hospital?

01:06:18.659 --> 01:06:26.260
I just broke my leg falling for you. Why, Whataburger,

01:06:26.420 --> 01:06:31.469
you say? Well, because. What a deep -fried crispy

01:06:31.469 --> 01:06:34.230
chicken nugget. Just didn't have the right ring.

01:06:38.670 --> 01:06:42.690
Origin of April Fools. Religious holdouts in

01:06:42.690 --> 01:06:45.230
the 16th century refused to celebrate the re

01:06:45.230 --> 01:06:48.170
-established New Year's date on January 1st,

01:06:48.170 --> 01:06:51.210
preferent the end of the Holy Week in April,

01:06:51.329 --> 01:06:56.110
making them April Fools. You watch the news.

01:06:56.369 --> 01:07:00.869
It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We

01:07:00.869 --> 01:07:03.309
suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

01:07:03.309 --> 01:07:07.809
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the

01:07:07.809 --> 01:07:12.929
post -apocalypse. Stuck up on pantyhose. The

01:07:12.929 --> 01:07:15.369
hose can be used to filter sediments out of water

01:07:15.369 --> 01:07:18.809
in any type of stew or soup that requires natural

01:07:18.809 --> 01:07:21.829
ingredients. The material is also great to cover

01:07:21.829 --> 01:07:25.190
unprotected areas of skin. You can rub citronella

01:07:25.190 --> 01:07:28.650
or other compounds on the hose to detract insect

01:07:28.650 --> 01:07:31.429
bites. It could also be used for a nice window

01:07:31.429 --> 01:07:34.630
net. The hose can be rolled together, and a form

01:07:34.630 --> 01:07:38.230
of durable, strong rope can be used out of this.

01:07:38.989 --> 01:07:41.190
Tomorrow morning, while grinding your coffee

01:07:41.190 --> 01:07:43.889
beans for your double mocha latte, remember to

01:07:43.889 --> 01:07:46.210
not get your genitals caught in the grinder.

01:07:46.510 --> 01:07:49.909
It really hurts, and who can afford plastic surgery?

01:07:50.630 --> 01:07:55.219
Stay safe, everyone. And now, Deep Thoughts with

01:07:55.219 --> 01:08:02.920
Mark. Should I throw away all my socks, then

01:08:02.920 --> 01:08:07.300
only buy 30 pair of one kind of sock? Will they

01:08:07.300 --> 01:08:17.699
eventually not match up? I may never know. Hey

01:08:17.699 --> 01:08:20.579
there, fuckstick. You're just in time for brand

01:08:20.579 --> 01:08:23.739
new feature news nobody gives a shit about. A

01:08:23.739 --> 01:08:28.680
man in Manitoba, Canada collects rat traps. He

01:08:28.680 --> 01:08:38.140
now has 3 ,421. Hey there, slap nuts. It's time

01:08:38.140 --> 01:08:43.600
for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little pumpkin

01:08:43.600 --> 01:08:46.300
seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your music

01:08:46.300 --> 01:08:51.029
news. In a recent interview with WZLX's Kenny

01:08:51.029 --> 01:08:53.710
Young, Joe Perry once again spoke about the possibility

01:08:53.710 --> 01:08:56.989
of Aerosmith playing one final concert. A year

01:08:56.989 --> 01:08:59.050
after the legendary rockers announced that they

01:08:59.050 --> 01:09:01.630
were officially retiring from touring due to

01:09:01.630 --> 01:09:04.789
singer Steven Tyler's vocal injury. Aerosmith

01:09:04.789 --> 01:09:07.810
made the announcement August 2nd, 2024, nearly

01:09:07.810 --> 01:09:11.029
one year after the 77 -year -old singer fractured

01:09:11.029 --> 01:09:15.199
his larynx during a September 2023 show. Perry

01:09:15.199 --> 01:09:17.140
said about the likelihood of another Aerosmith

01:09:17.140 --> 01:09:20.140
show. We're actually talking quite a bit. I know

01:09:20.140 --> 01:09:22.060
our touring days are over, but I don't know.

01:09:22.279 --> 01:09:25.340
We're all flesh and blood. I don't know, but

01:09:25.340 --> 01:09:27.619
I would say at some point we will all be together

01:09:27.619 --> 01:09:30.439
on the same stage. If I was a betting man, which

01:09:30.439 --> 01:09:33.060
I am, I would say at some point something's going

01:09:33.060 --> 01:09:37.560
to happen, but we'll see. Stay tuned. This is

01:09:37.560 --> 01:09:40.760
Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music news. And

01:09:40.760 --> 01:09:55.430
remember, bar chords are bullshit. Spags and

01:09:55.430 --> 01:09:57.229
microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City

01:09:57.229 --> 01:10:08.010
vicinity at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am

01:10:08.010 --> 01:10:11.109
Rob. It's a beautiful mango arm of Lake of the

01:10:11.109 --> 01:10:14.270
Ozarks in the Doug Clark studio. Quack, quack.

01:10:14.369 --> 01:10:18.569
Reveal. All right. The goat got carried away.

01:10:18.729 --> 01:10:23.630
I apologize. Yeah, I know. Not bad. Shut up.

01:10:23.630 --> 01:10:28.229
Get out of here. Jeez, man. He's breathing on

01:10:28.229 --> 01:10:30.689
me. Stop. I can't fucking do that. Get out of

01:10:30.689 --> 01:10:34.289
here, goat. Hey, hey, hey. Breathe down here

01:10:34.289 --> 01:10:39.810
for 24 hours. I guarantee it. Yeah, I need to

01:10:39.810 --> 01:10:41.649
take you down to Rob's so you can cut his field

01:10:41.649 --> 01:10:46.350
with your mouth. Yeah, goats are great lawnmowers.

01:10:47.050 --> 01:10:59.130
Aren't they? That's right. Yeah, and I'm glad

01:10:59.130 --> 01:11:00.869
you got a sense of humor about that because that

01:11:00.869 --> 01:11:03.949
does suck. Yes, I do. It was a beautiful goat.

01:11:04.170 --> 01:11:08.310
I can't believe someone would be that greedy

01:11:08.310 --> 01:11:11.710
to fucking win. Yeah, I just lied to us about

01:11:11.710 --> 01:11:14.689
what the damn thing ate. I'd go back to that

01:11:14.689 --> 01:11:17.750
swap meet and smack him right in the face. I'd

01:11:17.750 --> 01:11:23.029
take the dead goat and throw it at him. Oh, well.

01:11:23.109 --> 01:11:26.390
All right. Yeah. All right. This is the Crum

01:11:26.390 --> 01:11:30.090
Olympics. So, this is another weird invention.

01:11:30.250 --> 01:11:32.810
I mean, someone might have been on gummies. Word

01:11:32.810 --> 01:11:35.609
has it, rumor, you know. They might have been

01:11:35.609 --> 01:11:37.550
on gummies and thought of this, you know. They

01:11:37.550 --> 01:11:38.750
might have been a little stoned out of their

01:11:38.750 --> 01:11:41.489
gourd or something. That's just a rumor. Can't

01:11:41.489 --> 01:11:46.289
prove it, okay? All right. So, allegedly, someone

01:11:46.289 --> 01:11:50.789
might have been on gummies. I cannot confirm

01:11:50.789 --> 01:11:53.930
or deny who it was, but someone was on gummies.

01:11:53.930 --> 01:11:57.130
It was not me. All right. So the Crumb Olympics

01:11:57.130 --> 01:12:00.949
is simply this. You know how sometimes crumbs

01:12:00.949 --> 01:12:04.510
taste much better than the main course? Right?

01:12:04.710 --> 01:12:07.890
Yes. Okay. Well, that's where this originated,

01:12:08.090 --> 01:12:10.670
okay? This is just the crumbs, not the actual

01:12:10.670 --> 01:12:13.850
content. And we want to vote, me and you vote,

01:12:14.029 --> 01:12:17.649
and agree on which one, which crumb is the better

01:12:17.649 --> 01:12:20.729
tasting crumb. So let me start off with this.

01:12:20.850 --> 01:12:23.430
How about chocolate chip cookie crumbs versus

01:12:23.430 --> 01:12:27.109
apple pie crumbs? Which one do you think's better?

01:12:27.250 --> 01:12:32.170
I think chocolate chip's better. I'm heading

01:12:32.170 --> 01:12:35.250
towards chocolate chip and apple pie. Yeah, but

01:12:35.250 --> 01:12:37.729
apple pie, here's what I'm going by. Yeah, the

01:12:37.729 --> 01:12:41.510
crumbs normally just crush. Yes, exactly. You

01:12:41.510 --> 01:12:46.359
don't have any apple content in it. Yeah, because

01:12:46.359 --> 01:12:48.539
chocolate chips have little pieces of chocolate,

01:12:48.640 --> 01:12:51.979
and they're just fucking delightful, right? Yeah.

01:12:52.180 --> 01:12:55.079
Okay, so we both agree. Chocolate chip crumbs

01:12:55.079 --> 01:12:58.319
rule. So, okay, hang on. I'm the one keeping

01:12:58.319 --> 01:13:00.460
track on this, so hang on a second. I've got

01:13:00.460 --> 01:13:03.060
to make sure. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, this ain't

01:13:03.060 --> 01:13:05.600
even in my notebook. I'm just going with you.

01:13:06.460 --> 01:13:09.840
Okay, chocolate chip is victorious on that one.

01:13:10.039 --> 01:13:13.100
Okay, the next one would be lemon cake versus

01:13:13.100 --> 01:13:21.579
vanilla cannoli. I'm going to go vanilla cannoli

01:13:21.579 --> 01:13:26.420
for the same reason. Yeah, I think so, too. Unless

01:13:26.420 --> 01:13:28.699
you have a little bit of lemon in there, it's

01:13:28.699 --> 01:13:33.539
just crumbs that's crust. Yeah. But then again,

01:13:33.699 --> 01:13:35.619
I don't know. You know what? It is cake, though.

01:13:36.699 --> 01:13:39.880
Yeah, it's cake. It's no lemon crust. Yeah, that's

01:13:39.880 --> 01:13:42.359
right. It has lemon. Yeah, okay. I'm going to

01:13:42.359 --> 01:13:47.420
have to go with... I'm going to go with the lemon

01:13:47.420 --> 01:13:49.840
cake. Me too. All right. We both agree with that.

01:13:49.859 --> 01:13:54.039
Lemon cake rules. Because the cannoli has the

01:13:54.039 --> 01:13:58.399
crust. Yes. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. And the crumbs may

01:13:58.399 --> 01:14:02.220
not have any vanilla in them. All right. Oh,

01:14:02.239 --> 01:14:07.000
this next one is rough, dude. No. Raspberry Zinger

01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:10.199
crumbs versus Little Debbie Striped Cake crumbs.

01:14:13.680 --> 01:14:17.479
Okay. Now, raspberry zinger, you have the coconut

01:14:17.479 --> 01:14:20.899
with the raspberry flavoring, right? Yeah, and

01:14:20.899 --> 01:14:23.159
it goes all the way. I've got to give it to the

01:14:23.159 --> 01:14:25.739
zinger because the raspberry goes all the way

01:14:25.739 --> 01:14:29.659
to that zinger. Yes, yes. The zebra cakes, it's

01:14:29.659 --> 01:14:33.939
vanilla cake. Yeah, yep, yep. I'm with you there.

01:14:34.079 --> 01:14:37.699
Raspberry zinger crumbs are much better, and

01:14:37.699 --> 01:14:40.239
they have won the car. You will get the raspberry.

01:14:42.699 --> 01:14:46.439
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yep. All right. The

01:14:46.439 --> 01:14:49.340
next one. Oh, this next one's rough. Stromboli

01:14:49.340 --> 01:14:58.579
versus burrito crumbs. Now, which one's more?

01:14:58.659 --> 01:15:04.140
Okay. Stromboli has tomato. Me too, because it

01:15:04.140 --> 01:15:06.949
has tomato paste and cheese in there. So whenever

01:15:06.949 --> 01:15:08.710
you're getting crumbs, you're very likely to

01:15:08.710 --> 01:15:11.329
get both of those with it, and maybe even a pepperoni.

01:15:11.329 --> 01:15:13.430
A pepperoni might jump out of that bastard's

01:15:13.430 --> 01:15:17.310
cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or burrito crumbs. You

01:15:17.310 --> 01:15:19.729
might get a little cheese that was on top of

01:15:19.729 --> 01:15:22.310
it, maybe a little salsa. Yeah. Yeah, stromboli.

01:15:22.329 --> 01:15:26.729
Yeah, maybe a tad of salsa. No, give it stromboli.

01:15:26.850 --> 01:15:30.689
Stromboli's got it. Okay. Next one here, and

01:15:30.689 --> 01:15:34.310
this is just a taste thing. New York -style pizza

01:15:34.310 --> 01:15:38.069
versus Chicago -style pizza. Now, here's what

01:15:38.069 --> 01:15:40.510
I can say about this. Chicago has the deep dish,

01:15:40.590 --> 01:15:44.109
right? Okay, I've got to go to Chicago right

01:15:44.109 --> 01:15:47.270
there. But New York, you might have a little

01:15:47.270 --> 01:15:50.149
bit of the toppings on it because it's a thin

01:15:50.149 --> 01:15:56.930
crust, crispy. Yeah, but Chicago -style is thicker

01:15:56.930 --> 01:16:00.449
crust. Yeah, I think you're right. Bigger crumbs.

01:16:00.949 --> 01:16:04.079
Yes. All right, Chicago style, because you're

01:16:04.079 --> 01:16:07.100
apt to get some of that pizza. And what if it's

01:16:07.100 --> 01:16:11.260
like it has a cheese stuffed crust or something

01:16:11.260 --> 01:16:14.100
like that? Then that's a bonus. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

01:16:15.039 --> 01:16:17.720
The next one would be beef burrito crumbs versus

01:16:17.720 --> 01:16:22.560
shepherd's pie crumbs. Oh, shepherd's pie. Shepherd's

01:16:22.560 --> 01:16:24.939
pie? Oh, yeah, yeah, because the contents will

01:16:24.939 --> 01:16:26.659
probably come out when you're eating it, like,

01:16:26.680 --> 01:16:29.060
you know, the hamburger, the peas and all that

01:16:29.060 --> 01:16:35.439
stuff. Okay. Shepherd's pie? It is. Okay. Alright.

01:16:36.680 --> 01:16:39.520
Pigs in a blanket crumbs versus strawberry tart

01:16:39.520 --> 01:16:45.539
crumbs. I'm going to go with the tart. Because

01:16:45.539 --> 01:16:47.479
have you ever known pigs in a blanket for one

01:16:47.479 --> 01:16:49.399
of those little delicious hot dogs to come out

01:16:49.399 --> 01:16:55.789
in a crumb form? I never have. I'm going to say

01:16:55.789 --> 01:16:58.090
strawberry tart because a tart, you know, you're

01:16:58.090 --> 01:17:00.590
very likely to get the strawberry filling with

01:17:00.590 --> 01:17:04.430
the crumbs, right? Yep. All right. You agree?

01:17:05.430 --> 01:17:09.989
Yep. All right. Strawberry tart crumbs it is.

01:17:10.609 --> 01:17:16.149
All right. Spinach quiche versus apple turnover

01:17:16.149 --> 01:17:24.239
crust. Hmm. Now a turnover. Does that generally

01:17:24.239 --> 01:17:26.859
have a little bit of the apple filling come out?

01:17:27.659 --> 01:17:32.380
I can't remember. It's more crust. Yeah, where

01:17:32.380 --> 01:17:34.859
spinach, you're more than likely going to get

01:17:34.859 --> 01:17:37.380
some spinach quiche. You're going to get some

01:17:37.380 --> 01:17:41.880
of the egg. Yeah, quiche is egg and spinach.

01:17:41.920 --> 01:17:44.039
Yeah, I would have to go with quiche on that

01:17:44.039 --> 01:17:45.920
one. Me too. I'm going to go with spinach quiche.

01:17:46.079 --> 01:17:49.619
All right. Good, good, good, good. Because that

01:17:49.619 --> 01:17:52.640
would just be a little nugget of an egg. Yeah.

01:17:53.050 --> 01:17:55.189
Yep, exactly. It could be better than crust.

01:17:55.489 --> 01:17:57.609
Yeah, because in apple turnover, you're very

01:17:57.609 --> 01:18:00.090
unlikely to get any of that delicious apple in

01:18:00.090 --> 01:18:01.689
there. You're just going to get some of the crust.

01:18:02.529 --> 01:18:04.729
And once again, some of that egg could have a

01:18:04.729 --> 01:18:08.310
little cheese on it. Yeah, oh, even bonus. Yeah.

01:18:08.529 --> 01:18:13.529
All right. How about empanadas, crust, versus

01:18:13.529 --> 01:18:21.460
beef beret taco crumbs? Okay. Now, burrito taco,

01:18:21.659 --> 01:18:25.020
you know, that's a crispy taco, right? And with

01:18:25.020 --> 01:18:27.979
the crispy taco and the meat inside, a lot of

01:18:27.979 --> 01:18:30.899
times that makes a delicious nacho -looking thing

01:18:30.899 --> 01:18:34.180
whenever you bite into it. So I'm going to go

01:18:34.180 --> 01:18:37.180
with the leftover nacho burrito tacos, beef burrito.

01:18:37.180 --> 01:18:39.819
Yeah, I would, too. I would have, too. All right,

01:18:39.840 --> 01:18:42.319
where empanadas, like, got a lot of dough on

01:18:42.319 --> 01:18:46.500
it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, beef burrito

01:18:46.500 --> 01:18:51.079
taco is the victor. All right. How about homemade

01:18:51.079 --> 01:18:53.899
sourdough bread, this is the final one, versus

01:18:53.899 --> 01:19:01.680
chicken pot pie crumbs? Chicken pot pie. Chicken

01:19:01.680 --> 01:19:05.000
pot pie? I'm almost like, okay, now hear me out

01:19:05.000 --> 01:19:06.680
on this, and then I want to hear your thought.

01:19:08.239 --> 01:19:10.460
Homemade sourdough bread is fucking delicious.

01:19:11.539 --> 01:19:13.520
Wait a minute, no, no, no, no, no, but it's the

01:19:13.520 --> 01:19:16.180
crumbs. You're not going to get any of the real

01:19:16.180 --> 01:19:19.869
bread. You're just going to get crumbs. You're

01:19:19.869 --> 01:19:24.489
right. Chicken pot pie it is. All right. Okay.

01:19:25.250 --> 01:19:27.310
Well, let me explain why I went with chicken

01:19:27.310 --> 01:19:31.409
pot pie. Okay. You've got that gravy that's going

01:19:31.409 --> 01:19:35.449
to soak into that crust. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yes.

01:19:36.310 --> 01:19:42.350
Chicken pot pie it is. By a landslide. By a landslide.

01:19:42.390 --> 01:19:44.010
Okay. Here are the winners, and we're going to

01:19:44.010 --> 01:19:47.649
put these up against other food items next. So

01:19:47.649 --> 01:19:49.789
you can come up with some. I can come up with

01:19:49.789 --> 01:19:52.430
some. Okay, so we have chocolate chip cookie

01:19:52.430 --> 01:19:56.050
crumbs. We have lemon cake crumbs. We have raspberry

01:19:56.050 --> 01:19:59.010
zinger crumbs. We have stromboli crumbs. We have

01:19:59.010 --> 01:20:02.090
Chicago style pizza crumbs, shepherd pie crumbs,

01:20:02.390 --> 01:20:05.369
strawberry tart crumbs, spinach quiche crumbs,

01:20:05.710 --> 01:20:08.810
beef beret taco crumbs, and chicken pot pie crumbs.

01:20:09.430 --> 01:20:12.329
Those will be going against somebody else on

01:20:12.329 --> 01:20:16.500
the next. Probably. Okay. So if you could think

01:20:16.500 --> 01:20:18.960
of some stuff we can pit against them, send them

01:20:18.960 --> 01:20:21.960
to me or just tell me or whatever. I'll try my

01:20:21.960 --> 01:20:25.220
best. Okay. All right. So now that we've got

01:20:25.220 --> 01:20:27.220
that figured out, Rob, let's turn it over to

01:20:27.220 --> 01:21:00.829
you. oh yeah without a doubt because I have a

01:21:00.829 --> 01:22:19.710
story right here okay The reviewed video footage

01:22:19.710 --> 01:22:23.270
from the night before, which showed a dark -colored

01:22:23.270 --> 01:23:00.029
pickup truck slowly driving past the house. Yeah.

01:23:36.590 --> 01:24:51.270
Okay. Thank you, Rob. That was a great story.

01:24:52.489 --> 01:24:56.869
I thought... Go ahead. This story sounds like

01:24:56.869 --> 01:24:59.229
something out of the 80s, man. It really does.

01:24:59.270 --> 01:25:01.989
It does. It sounds like something out of the

01:25:01.989 --> 01:25:04.210
80s. That's one of those stories that you can't

01:25:04.210 --> 01:25:09.829
write. You know? It's like real life shit and

01:25:09.829 --> 01:25:16.489
you're like, what? Thank you, Rob. That was great.

01:25:16.630 --> 01:25:20.289
That was a great little ha -ha. In case anyone's

01:25:20.289 --> 01:25:24.470
wondering, I was wanting to recreate images of

01:25:24.470 --> 01:25:28.689
historical figures like Nikolai Tesla smoking

01:25:28.689 --> 01:25:32.989
a joint, right? Chat, GPT will not do it because

01:25:32.989 --> 01:25:40.250
it calls it disrespectful. Okay. Yeah, it's irritating

01:25:40.250 --> 01:25:44.189
as hell because I would love to have... Like

01:25:44.189 --> 01:25:48.970
E. coli, not E. coli, Nikolai Tesla, and then

01:25:48.970 --> 01:25:53.010
maybe, I don't know. How about Aleister Crowley

01:25:53.010 --> 01:25:57.449
fucking smoking a joint? I mean, for some reason,

01:25:57.489 --> 01:26:00.170
I want to get the sketch art, steampunk style,

01:26:00.289 --> 01:26:04.729
of these historical figures smoking dudes. Just

01:26:04.729 --> 01:26:07.069
to be a dick, right? Just to have them up on

01:26:07.069 --> 01:26:09.949
the wall so people go, what is that? Oh, that's

01:26:09.949 --> 01:26:14.590
a Tesla smoking a joint. Huh? Okay. But it won't

01:26:14.590 --> 01:26:18.409
do it. It says it's disrespectful. So, okay.

01:26:18.550 --> 01:26:20.609
All right. Well, I guess I don't get that done.

01:26:21.210 --> 01:26:23.409
Oh, you know what? Maybe I can have them do it

01:26:23.409 --> 01:26:27.649
in steampunk style. Right? And I could draw a

01:26:27.649 --> 01:26:33.489
joint in there. Yeah? Yeah. All right. Okay,

01:26:33.630 --> 01:26:37.430
it's 918. Do you want to keep going or not? Actually,

01:26:37.529 --> 01:26:39.710
that's all I got for tonight, brother. All right.

01:26:39.729 --> 01:26:46.770
I got stuff, buddy. Come on. Like I said... The

01:26:46.770 --> 01:26:50.510
Jeffy X list can wait. We did one, what, last?

01:26:50.590 --> 01:26:53.430
Tuesday. Yeah, yeah. Tuesday. Yeah, so there's

01:26:53.430 --> 01:26:55.869
going to be some happy people. I had no idea.

01:26:55.949 --> 01:26:58.149
Wednesday night. Wednesday night. Wednesday night,

01:26:58.210 --> 01:27:03.869
yeah. I had no idea at all that Jeffy X was that

01:27:03.869 --> 01:27:11.819
popular. Did you? I've always liked him, but

01:27:11.819 --> 01:27:14.220
I questioned the character. I really did. I was

01:27:14.220 --> 01:27:16.380
kind of like, I don't know. Maybe it doesn't

01:27:16.380 --> 01:27:19.039
fit what we're doing. I guess I was wrong. Everybody

01:27:19.039 --> 01:27:23.520
seems to like it. So we will keep Jeffy X coming.

01:27:25.000 --> 01:27:27.720
He's got to be careful, though. He was electrocuted

01:27:27.720 --> 01:27:32.659
and paddled and kicked and ridiculed. They made

01:27:32.659 --> 01:27:35.119
him wear a dress and walk a plank. Did you know

01:27:35.119 --> 01:27:38.439
that? Yeah, he told me about that. Yeah, yeah,

01:27:38.460 --> 01:27:44.579
but then he got away. So now he's like, I think

01:27:44.579 --> 01:27:50.060
he finally had to change out of the Sgt. Pepper's

01:27:50.060 --> 01:27:54.560
outfit that you made him. Yeah, I've got new

01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:57.239
ones here for him, waiting for him. He just has

01:27:57.239 --> 01:27:59.640
to get here. Okay, he said he's going to come

01:27:59.640 --> 01:28:11.060
down there over the holidays to get him. There

01:28:11.060 --> 01:28:14.359
you go, Jeffy X. I made sure I got them done

01:28:14.359 --> 01:28:16.920
before I started getting ready to move. Make

01:28:16.920 --> 01:28:20.939
sure he has your new address. Oh, he does. Okay,

01:28:20.939 --> 01:28:25.039
good. All right. Hi, Albuquerque. Hi, Hicksville.

01:28:25.500 --> 01:28:30.159
Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Ricky. Thank

01:28:30.159 --> 01:28:38.979
you for listening. Good night, assholes. Oh,

01:28:38.979 --> 01:28:42.220
no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has

01:28:42.220 --> 01:28:45.039
explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless

01:28:45.039 --> 01:28:48.680
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading

01:28:48.680 --> 01:28:49.619
your ear holes soon.