Hello and good evening. This is the Mystery Sports
Guide. I'm here with NFL analysis and commentary
on week number five of the NFL 2025 season. Well,
we have another tremendous week with the Harbaugh
brothers both losing again. Warms my cold heart
every time those two guys lose. You know, the
Chargers, who were like the next big thing, all
of a sudden look like they're not the next big
thing. So thanks a lot, media. So suddenly the
Bills don't look like the best ever, as all the
media claims. They already gave them the Super
Bowl champion. Hell, they did last year, the
year before, and the year before, and the year
before. I don't recall seeing them anywhere near
there. I remember their season ending with a
red, yellow, and white jersey. On top of them.
So, I was never sold on Bill's defense. And I'm
not saying the Chiefs are going back to the Super
Bowl by any stretch. I'm just pointing out the
dumbass talking heads that cannot wait to bury
us and prop up their East Coast babies. How about
those Eagles going down in flames, speaking of
East Coast? Denver beat their ass. Denver, it
hurts me when you win. But if you're going to
win, might as well be against the Eagles. So,
thank you. Can't wait to see you. Hope we whip
your ass. The Bengals, they had a little fight
in them, but they still lost. Denied. And like
I said, it's not like the Chiefs are doing great,
but at least the Bengals are sucking too. They
got Joey Flacco. They traded for him. I think
Joey Flacco is an improvement over Jake. What
the hell is his name again? Jake Browning. Sorry
about that. Yeah, he's a hell of an improvement
over Jake Browning. But he is an older quarterback,
and we will see how much he has left in the tank
and how many times he gets thrown to the ground
like little Joey Burrow did. So that's going
to play out interesting. So, let's go ahead and
go with the worst play ever in a game. Or one
of them. There have been a lot of bad plays,
but this ranks them up. Way up there. That's
the Sean McVay run to the right on 4th and 2
play. Why in the hell would you not fake to the
right and then take a page out of Andy Reid's
book and toss the ball to the left on a quick
slant to protect against the sack and losing
ground? Look at it now. It's really hard to believe
Sean won a Super Bowl. Ever. The Rams are a better
team than this. They need the coaching to up
its game now. Not later, but now. They need to
get their head out of their ass and start figuring
some things out. The Browns are still playing
well. Dylan Gabriel has a solid game at 190 yards
and two touchdowns. Gabe might be one to kind
of keep an eye on. He played well. He didn't
get rattled. He didn't have any interceptions,
fumbles. He had a good, clean game. He did okay.
Carson Wentz resurgent is still happening. We
wish him the best, but he did get injured. I
think he came back in, but who knows what his
status is, and I don't really care. Cowboys whip
up on the Jets, 37 -22. This game wasn't a nut
-tugger, pretty much what we thought would happen.
And finally, the Cowboys did something that they
were supposed to do. The Giants' run is over.
They had a great set of games going on. You know,
the Chargers, and they played everybody so well.
Playing the Eagles tough. So, as good as Jackson
Dart looked on the first few games that he started,
he went the other way. It seems like he's been
figured out, per se, for at least the time being.
He threw two interceptions, did not have a good
game. A little tarnish on him. He needs to grow
from this and keep charging forward if he is
going to be a legitimate, bona fide starter in
the NFL. And even more than that, if he's going
to be a good one. Spencer Radler had a solid
game with 225 yards and one touchdown. At least
the Saints won't go 0 -17 this year. I don't
know. Even though they won one, they might find
a way. We are talking about the Aints. I'm going
back away with that. Colts beat the crap out
of the Raiders? I have this recorded, so when
I'm in a down mood, I can watch it and it'll
perk me up. Pete Carroll needs to look at possibly
putting in a third stringer. Geno Smith is stinking
it up badly. So, we'll see. I'm pretty sure he's
going to have to do something, though. That's
for sure, because it ain't working. Jayden Daniels.
He's back and he looks healthy. He and the Commanders
look like a legit contender. They played well
in the postseason last year. With that bit of
seasoning, they could be very dangerous come
January. And I hope they are. I would love to
see them be in the Super Bowl this year. Against
the Chiefs, of course, and the Chiefs win. The
Lions look good, even though Natty had a lot
of sight and played them pretty well. But the
Lions won, won convincingly. It took them a while.
Jared Goff is still Jared Goff, so good luck
to you guys. We will see you Sunday night. I'm
hoping we have a bag of ass whipping for you.
The Patriots. How about them beating the Bills?
The big bad Bills in Buffalo. Defense looks stellar.
And Drake May and a couple of magical plays that
remind me of a Patrick Mahomes trick. One play
in particular. He was falling to the ground.
And he was about a foot. off of the ground before
hitting the ground. He somehow got a pass off
and completed it for a first down. Drake May
had a couple other really good plays, too. He's
someone to keep an eye on. You know, his quick
passes were great. He had a nice little touch
on the ball. He's looking good. Dare I say this
yet, but could the Patriots be ready for a playoff
appearance post -Brady and Belichick? Could be.
Cam Ward is starting to fizzle out. Too bad it's
ending so soon. Arizona looks improved, but I'm
still looking at them as a team with a lot of
building to do. Kyler Murray looks better than
previous years. Is he the guy? Probably not,
but he doesn't suck either. While they look for
the top draft pick, he's going to do okay. The
Chiefs versus the Jags. Well, I've calculated
some money owed to the Chiefs. This would be
involving Chris Jones, Travis Kelsey, and Harrison
Butker. They owe the Chiefs at least $30 million.
All this salary cap spent on subpar play. The
Chiefs are letting these people grow old on the
vine, which is uncharacteristic of them. Usually,
especially receivers, they get rid of them. They
don't pay them. They don't give them the big
contract. They go on to the next one, the younger,
faster guy. They train them, and they show them
what they want to do, and they have a very good
system of doing this. The Jags and Trevor Lawrence
deserve a lot of credit as well. The Jags look
like a playoff team for sure, and they have a
pretty good body count currently. The defending
AFC champs, the Texans, and the 49ers. That is
a pretty impressive list of wins. They are 4
-1, and they look to be a playoff team as of
right now, of course. Couldn't be looking at
home field advantage. That's right now. We'll
see what happens. We've got a lot of season to
go. The Chiefs have a lot to blame. First off,
the special teams penalties killed them. Harrison
Bucker kicked the ball out of bounds on the final
Jags drive in concert with a couple of penalties
that gave the Jags a short field. Trevor Lawrence
tried to give the game back to the Chiefs. But
the Chiefs said, no, no, no, we don't want it.
No. What we're going to do is we're going to
get some penalties, and when you fall down, when
they hike the ball at the 7 -yard line, 5 -yard
line, whatever it was, when you fall down, Chris
Jones is going to stand there and watch you,
and everyone else is going to be slow to the
punch, and they're going to let you just wander
right into the end zone after falling down and
scuffling the ball on the ground for a little
while. Not one person. Not one person. Carl Loftus,
I think, got near him. Maybe could have tripped
him up if he was just a split second quicker.
But other than that, Chris Jones and everyone
else just stand there watching. I don't understand
it, but if you're going to pay Chris Jones that
much money, he has to get better. He's been horrible
this year. Horrible. He looks unenthused, he
looks uninterested, and he looks lethargic and
slow. That's it. I don't know what to say else
about him, but if you're going to take that much
money, I remember Chris Jones. You held out.
Travis Kelsey restructured his contract. The
Chiefs bent over backwards for you, and this
is how you repay him? Just stand there at the
goal line and let the fucking guy run through?
Chris Jones, I am embarrassed by you. I used
to love you. I don't know so much anymore. I
don't know what the hell is going on in your
head to where you would just stand there and
watch somebody fucking walk in the end zone.
It pisses me off. How much money you get, you
should be thanking the Chiefs every fucking day.
And every fan of theirs has a right to be pissed.
But there's a lot of blame to go around as well.
Some questionable, but probably. I mean, they
could have went either way. I can't say they're
bogus pass interference calls, but they could
have went either way. So, you know, and also,
like I spoke about with... A boss of mine and
then other people that I just, you know, just
talk to about sports. The Chiefs are not going
to get any breaks from here on out. The NFL is
tired of seeing their mugs. They're tired of
seeing everything go through Arrowhead. They're
tired of seeing them in the Super Bowl. They
want some fresh blood. That way, people all around
the country will get excited about the new darling.
Right now, it looks like the Bills are the new
old darling. They've been like that forever now.
Ever since the Chiefs dynasty pretty much began,
they've been the darling. The year after when
they drafted Josh Allen, all of a sudden they
were the darling. So they are still the darling,
and they would love for them to be in there,
but the Chiefs have always been in their way.
So what does the NFL do? The NFL gives them a
horrible schedule and no calls. For all the calls
that people say that they've had in the previous,
they can shut the fuck up, because I'll tell
you what. The Chiefs are getting it handed to
them by the NFL this year, and it's on purpose.
The NFL does not want them there. The East Coast
bias is there, always has been, and plus, they
do not want to see the Chiefs in it again. They
want to see a different AFC champion. They want
to see a different AFC West champion. They want
everything juggled up. They want the Jaguars.
They want Indianapolis. They want all those guys
doing well. because this is good for the NFL.
They like the parity, and that's why they have
the salary cap structured like such, is because
they want parity to keep on, to continue. So,
but, you know, while I'm bitching about the Chiefs
and Chris Jones and all that, you know, I'm really
not that worried about the Chiefs, actually,
except for their lack of depth. The salary cap
has made every team vulnerable to this. The offense
averaged almost eight yards per play. Now that,
let's look at this barring injury. You could
potentially have Worthy, Thornton, Rice, or Hollywood
with a Kelsey and Schuster mix -in. That's one
hell of a lineup and a really speedy lineup too.
So the eight yards, the young receivers will
wear down the defense. Pacheco looks finally
like he's healed up and he is hitting a hole.
He was even patient when exploding through the
opening, like all good running backs do. Hunt
almost broke a big one. The offensive line looked
better than they have in a long time. The offensive
line looked excellent. Mahomes will kill you
with that much time to throw or scramble. Mahomes'
ability to scramble to keep the drive going is
criminally underrated, but only because of his
thousands of other top skills. The team to beat
could be Denver in this division, this year more
than any other. will be a dogfight. Should be
interesting to see this unfold. This is the Mystery
Guy Sports, and I'm saying, see you soon. Have
a good night, everybody. Hang on, hang on. I'm
actually going to go on with this. I got an email
wanting me to do some picks. So, I guess I will.
So, these are this week's games coming up. Week
6 in the NFL 2025 -2026 season. Okay, the first
game I'm looking at is the Thursday night game.
The Eagles versus the Giants. Of course, I'm
going to have to go with the Eagles. Their defense
is probably going to just torture Jackson Dart.
I hope he has a good game, and I hope they put
up a really good fight like they have been. But
I'm still picking the Eagles. Broncos versus
the Jets. Got to go with the Broncos. I don't
think there's an upset in the Jets anywhere.
The Seahawks at the Jags. I'm going to pick the
Seahawks. I think the Jags had such an enormous
game last week that they're due for the letdown,
and I think the letdown against a very good Seahawks
team. Chargers at the Dolphins. I think the Chargers
are going back on the winning track. The Dolphins
are in disarray. Mike McDaniel's about ready
to get an ax. Tyra Kill is out for the year.
The whole team just doesn't seem to know what
they're doing. Rams versus the Ravens. Rams are
going to get back on track versus the lowly Ravens.
The Ravens that virtually have nobody starting.
And that's pretty much long and short of it.
The Ravens, I don't think, can win with this
current lineup. Cardinals versus the Colts. I'm
going to go with the Colts, but I think the Cardinals
are going to play them down to the wire. How
about the Cowboys at the Panthers? I would love
to say the Panthers. I would love to say the
Panthers, but I'm going to have to go with the
Cowboys. And the only reason is because the Cowboys
are the Cowboys. Patriots versus the Saints.
I'm going to go with the Patriots because the
Saints are the Saints. Browns versus the Steelers.
I think Browns are almost going to pull it off.
Dylan Gabriel's playing well. The Steelers are
playing well is the only catch here. The Browns
seem to have a quarterback that is learning and
seeming to do pretty well as a youngster. The
Steelers have a pretty good defense. They have
a pretty good offense. They have Aaron Rodgers
at the helm, who is a very seasoned veteran and
a very successful one at that. Let's forget the
Jets. Just wipe that away. Look at all his other
stuff. The Jets are the Jets. Jesus Christ could
go to the Jets and fail. I swear, the Jets just,
they're cursed. So I'm going to say the Browns.
You know what? I'm going to go with the upset.
Browns over the Steelers by one point. Going
to be a last -minute field goal. Some crazy shit
like that. Titans versus the Raiders. Battle
of suck. Well, since the Raiders are at home,
I think I'm going to go ahead and go with them.
Even though it hurts my heart to pick them. The
Niners versus the Bucs. Well, the Bucs are on
fire and it's at home. The Niners, I think Purdy's
still out. I'm going to go ahead and pick the
Bucs. So Bengals versus the Packers. I think
the Bengals are going to play the Packers very
well. They're going to be tough, and the game's
going to be a hard -fought game. But Joe Flacco's
going to keep them in it, I think, and I think
their defense is good enough to keep the Packers
somewhat under control. So I'm going to go ahead.
I'm going to go with the Packers. It's at home,
and the Bengals. are putting up a fight now.
So I'm going to go with that. Lions versus the
Chiefs. This is going to be another hard -fought
game, but the Chiefs are going to come right
at Jared Goff. Jared Goff should wet down his
leg, and the Chiefs should come out victorious.
But if there's ever a year the Chiefs are going
to lose to the Lions at home, well, they did
a few years ago. But they still won the Super
Bowl. But I think... This would be the year that
they lose to the Lions and have that kind of
a record at home. But I don't think it's going
to happen. I think the Chiefs' offense is starting
to click, and I think if anything else, they'll
outscore them. And, I mean, what I say by outscoring
is I know you have to score more points than
the other team. What I'm saying is I think it
could be a 42 -40 game. Bills versus the Falcons.
Of course, I'm going to pick the Bills. The Bills
are snapping mad after losing to the Patriots.
And I wouldn't be surprised if the Patriots actually
challenged them for the division title this year.
The Patriots are seemingly coming together at
the right time. And the Bills are, I don't know.
Like I said, I have not been impressed with them,
especially their defense. Their offense kind
of looks lackluster at times. So we'll see. But
I think the Bills are going to pull this off.
Because, you know, the Falcons are the Falcons.
I mean, the Falcons are a good team, but the
Bills are a much better team. Even though it's
in Atlanta, I think the Bills are going to come
out victorious. And then finally, the Bears versus
the Commanders. I'm going to go ahead and go
with probably the Commanders. I think the Commander's
defense is going to just completely, completely
just crush Kalem Williams. And I think that they're
going to score a lot of points as well. So those
are my picks. So who the hell asked me to do
the picks? I can't remember your name. I'm sorry
if I could find it around here, but I think I
already threw it away. Thank you, whoever asked
me. So there are your picks. I hope everybody
enjoyed the Mystery Guy sports segment. I'll
probably be doing this in concert with the sports
bastards and the music creeps. I'll probably
do them one night and do the Mystery Sports Guy
the next night. I wouldn't mind keeping this
going all year. We'll see. Time prevails. I have
a job. I have a life. We'll see what happens.
Anyhow, everybody, thank you for listening once
again, and have a great night. Oh, hang on, hang
on, hang on. I've got to do a little spot promo
here. Listen to the douchebags. It should be
posted tomorrow night. We have a new feature
called the Crumb Olympics. I think you all are
going to love it. Plus our regular stuff, our
emails from all our crazy listeners. They are
fantastic. We're going to have a lot of unique
stories and some personal stuff like we always
do. We'll mix in a little bit about me and Rob
both. We hope you enjoy it. Give it a listen.
It's going to be a great show. We have a lot
of different topics. And once again, thank you
everybody for listening. We deeply appreciate
it. And like Mark always says, go fuck yourself.
Affectionately.