WEBVTT 00:00:23.289 --> 00:00:29.629 Hey, you fucking derelicts, it's time for the 00:00:29.629 --> 00:00:33.310 Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener, 00:00:33.549 --> 00:00:36.649 hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or 00:00:36.649 --> 00:00:39.340 Jane Listener, Hereby promise to grab other people's 00:00:39.340 --> 00:00:42.259 phones, unattended computers, public computers, 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:45.159 and all of my work computers as well, and download 00:00:45.159 --> 00:00:48.259 the show from there. I, Joe or Jane listener, 00:00:48.600 --> 00:00:51.439 hereby promise to make other people listen. I, 00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:54.770 Joe or Jane listener. We'll hereby lie to everyone 00:00:54.770 --> 00:00:58.289 about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane 00:00:58.289 --> 00:01:00.990 Listener, promise to make all my family members 00:01:00.990 --> 00:01:03.689 listen and recite the Daily Douchebag Pledge. 00:01:04.049 --> 00:01:07.530 And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby 00:01:07.530 --> 00:01:09.950 promise to make the trek to Knoblick, Missouri, 00:01:10.230 --> 00:01:12.969 just to have a selfie with the Knoblick sign. 00:01:14.390 --> 00:01:16.930 Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't 00:01:16.930 --> 00:01:20.250 stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead 00:01:20.250 --> 00:01:23.450 and assume we got the story wrong. At least we 00:01:23.450 --> 00:01:26.849 admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can 00:01:26.849 --> 00:01:31.250 and will lie if it makes the story better. Two 00:01:31.250 --> 00:01:39.170 douchebags and a microphone. We are Casablanca. 00:01:41.769 --> 00:01:44.810 Oh my. Would you look at the rightly scattering. 00:01:45.829 --> 00:01:49.750 It sure is brilliant tonight. First off, your 00:01:49.750 --> 00:01:53.459 own private property. Second. You're in my flower 00:01:53.459 --> 00:01:56.700 garden. Third, if you're talking about the sunset, 00:01:56.920 --> 00:02:00.620 yes, it is stunning. And finally, would you get 00:02:00.620 --> 00:02:03.219 the hell off my property, you annoying fucking 00:02:03.219 --> 00:02:24.389 bastard. Post -apocalypse protein might be hard 00:02:24.389 --> 00:02:27.129 to come by. The animals could be contaminated 00:02:27.129 --> 00:02:30.349 or scarce, if any at all. This is where protein 00:02:30.349 --> 00:02:33.490 powder is essential in a post -apocalypse survival. 00:02:34.069 --> 00:02:36.370 The powder is easy to keep and does not require 00:02:36.370 --> 00:02:39.870 refrigeration. Hey everybody, this is Uncle Rob. 00:02:40.409 --> 00:02:44.990 I'm gonna give you some tips for life. This is 00:02:44.990 --> 00:02:49.729 Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics. Rule number one. 00:02:50.189 --> 00:02:53.789 Title will kick in someone else's name. So if 00:02:53.789 --> 00:02:58.830 you get busted, it's not yours. Rule number two, 00:02:59.349 --> 00:03:02.490 shoot angles complementary to your length and 00:03:02.490 --> 00:03:09.550 curve. Rule number four, no propping of the way. 00:03:10.449 --> 00:03:15.990 Absolutely no undercarriage. Very important. 00:03:19.879 --> 00:03:21.979 Have you ever looked at something and said, hey, 00:03:22.120 --> 00:03:25.180 I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so 00:03:25.180 --> 00:03:31.080 have we. That's why we give you The Origin of... 00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:34.539 The Origin of the Goatee. The Goatee is a beard 00:03:34.539 --> 00:03:36.979 style that dates back to ancient Greece and Rome 00:03:36.979 --> 00:03:40.020 and is named for its resemblance to a goat's 00:03:40.020 --> 00:03:43.000 beard. The Goatee has been worn by many famous 00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:45.319 men throughout history, including Uncle Sam, 00:03:45.620 --> 00:04:16.959 Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock. And now, deep thoughts 00:04:16.959 --> 00:04:24.589 with Mark. Hmm, let's see, if I identify as a 00:04:24.589 --> 00:04:26.949 dog and I start wandering around the block without 00:04:26.949 --> 00:04:29.470 a collar on, could animal control come by and 00:04:29.470 --> 00:04:47.709 pick me up? Hmm, I may never know. Two douchebags 00:04:47.709 --> 00:04:49.850 and a microphone on Mark here in the Kansas City 00:04:49.850 --> 00:04:56.370 area at the Talk is Cheap Studio. Sorry, I forgot. 00:04:57.829 --> 00:05:10.730 Go ahead, I'm done. Alright, so Rob, you sound 00:05:10.730 --> 00:05:15.029 kind of beat tonight. You got a lot of work thrown 00:05:15.029 --> 00:05:31.319 at you, huh? Well, thanks for Enduring this tonight. 00:05:31.339 --> 00:05:34.459 I appreciate it. I know I know you are low on 00:05:34.459 --> 00:05:37.040 time. I know I know but I'd still want to say 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:39.959 thank you and Everybody out there. I'm sure they 00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:45.899 appreciate it, too. So Yeah, yep, absolutely 00:05:45.899 --> 00:05:49.779 Absolutely. So I listened last podcast and I 00:05:49.779 --> 00:05:51.319 didn't think it was gonna be very good, right? 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:53.819 I don't know why i just had a feeling it was 00:05:53.819 --> 00:05:58.920 choppy it sound i think it sounded great yeah 00:05:58.920 --> 00:06:02.939 i agree too okay good all right i it's a weird 00:06:02.939 --> 00:06:05.240 deal i don't know maybe it's my own insecurity 00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:07.800 but sometimes i think you know i'm like man that 00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:09.860 sucked that sounds horrible and i go back to 00:06:09.860 --> 00:06:12.019 listen to i'm like that's not as bad as i thought 00:06:12.019 --> 00:06:16.100 so that's a good thing so um rob someone i know 00:06:16.100 --> 00:06:19.629 really well Went to go get some gummies and some 00:06:19.629 --> 00:06:22.430 sort other assorted goodies at the dispensary, 00:06:22.430 --> 00:06:26.290 right? No big deal, right? You know, Missouri 00:06:26.290 --> 00:06:31.350 is legal The said people the said people that 00:06:31.350 --> 00:06:34.790 I know really well, okay Went through the drive 00:06:34.790 --> 00:06:39.110 -thru and received $10 off. I Guess they I guess 00:06:39.110 --> 00:06:43.730 now you can accumulate pot points Yes, you can 00:06:43.730 --> 00:06:46.509 oh look I didn't know that what a fantastic world 00:06:46.509 --> 00:06:50.639 we live in Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's just 00:06:50.639 --> 00:06:53.959 like going to the local convenience store gas 00:06:53.959 --> 00:06:55.600 station wherever you get rewards. Yeah, you get 00:06:55.600 --> 00:06:59.139 points that you get rewards, pot rewards, pot 00:06:59.139 --> 00:07:02.060 points, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what 00:07:02.060 --> 00:07:04.660 next? Funeral points? The funeral director comes 00:07:04.660 --> 00:07:08.100 over and goes, um, um, hey. That would be great. 00:07:08.180 --> 00:07:11.480 Oh yeah. Uh, Rob, um, if someone else close you 00:07:11.480 --> 00:07:14.720 dies, um, come back here and get your $200 off. 00:07:15.050 --> 00:07:20.129 You've earned $200 death points. Yeah, I got 00:07:20.129 --> 00:07:25.069 death points. How about a heroin dealer? The 00:07:25.069 --> 00:07:28.949 dealer says, hey, if you use my app, download 00:07:28.949 --> 00:07:32.689 my heroin app, and you get 50 % off your first 00:07:32.689 --> 00:07:39.430 fix. How about that? Hey, if I was a heroin addict, 00:07:39.449 --> 00:07:43.129 it'd sound great, right? Oh, hell yeah. That's 00:07:43.129 --> 00:07:49.910 so good. 50 % off if I download your heroin app 00:07:49.910 --> 00:07:56.250 fuck yeah, I'm there. Oh, yeah, so Anyhow To 00:07:56.250 --> 00:08:00.430 do where was I now? All right, let's get back 00:08:00.430 --> 00:08:04.189 to gummies they have some now that are pawpaw 00:08:04.189 --> 00:08:08.430 fruit flavored Why in the fuck would you have 00:08:08.430 --> 00:08:14.529 pawpaw fruit Rob? How about orange Grape? Yeah. 00:08:14.810 --> 00:08:19.689 Mango? But Paw Paw? Oh, go ahead. What? I don't 00:08:19.689 --> 00:08:22.550 know. I don't know what to have. But Paw Paw 00:08:22.550 --> 00:08:27.709 fruit? Who the fuck likes... You know that no 00:08:27.709 --> 00:08:30.269 one has ever said, man, I miss hanging out underneath 00:08:30.269 --> 00:08:32.809 the Paw Paw tree eating all those delicious Paw 00:08:32.809 --> 00:08:35.610 Paws. You ever remember hanging out underneath 00:08:35.610 --> 00:08:41.450 a Paw Paw tree and eating Paw Paws? No. Exactly! 00:08:42.100 --> 00:08:45.399 So why in the hell do they have paw -paw flavored 00:08:45.399 --> 00:08:48.559 gummies? Why don't they have grapes? Orange? 00:08:49.159 --> 00:08:52.580 Cherry? But paw -paws? What the fuck? I'm pretty 00:08:52.580 --> 00:08:55.500 sure they have all of the other flavors. Yeah, 00:08:55.600 --> 00:08:58.840 I did spoil paw -paw. Well, maybe this person 00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:02.220 close to me likes a certain kind, you know, that's 00:09:02.220 --> 00:09:04.360 kind of like, you know, mellow and puts you to 00:09:04.360 --> 00:09:08.460 sleep and you know, it's Indica, you know, yeah, 00:09:08.460 --> 00:09:10.700 yeah, yeah. So maybe this person close to me 00:09:10.700 --> 00:09:13.970 likes that. And he's always, like, kind of confused 00:09:13.970 --> 00:09:16.230 why he has to eat pawpaws when he would rather 00:09:16.230 --> 00:09:20.049 have orange or grape or cherry. Yeah, I know. 00:09:20.830 --> 00:09:24.169 Yeah, see? See what whoever this is is saying? 00:09:24.669 --> 00:09:27.789 You get it? Okay. All right. I mean, pawpaws. 00:09:28.049 --> 00:09:32.889 I always just, whenever... I looked at my friend 00:09:32.889 --> 00:09:35.730 that buys this bag, you know, a bag of pawpaw 00:09:35.730 --> 00:09:39.850 fruit, gummies. I'm like, why the hell? So anyhow, 00:09:40.049 --> 00:09:42.409 it was just my own thing, I guess. I mean, no 00:09:42.409 --> 00:09:44.950 one else seemed to give a shit. And you happen 00:09:44.950 --> 00:09:47.370 to know you're talking to somebody that can take 00:09:47.370 --> 00:09:55.509 this conversation a lot further. Is it good for 00:09:55.509 --> 00:10:07.539 the show or is it not? Yeah, yeah, that's no 00:10:07.539 --> 00:10:18.259 big deal. Go ahead, Rob. Oh, you told me about 00:10:18.259 --> 00:10:37.750 that. Okay, I bet that's mellow, isn't it? I 00:10:37.750 --> 00:10:42.350 agree 100 % because I get so amped up. And with 00:10:42.350 --> 00:10:47.029 the body pain I get with it, you know? Yes, yes. 00:10:47.070 --> 00:10:50.549 With my work. Yeah. It just, yeah, you gotta 00:10:50.549 --> 00:10:53.649 have something. It knocks it all away. Yeah. 00:10:53.649 --> 00:10:57.190 Oh, so I've heard, so I've heard. And I rely 00:10:57.190 --> 00:11:00.830 on something I've done for years. It was illegal 00:11:00.830 --> 00:11:04.870 then, it's legal now. Oh yeah, yeah. People want 00:11:04.870 --> 00:11:06.909 if they tax them anymore, they're gonna go back 00:11:06.909 --> 00:11:25.570 to their dealer That's good neither why neither 00:11:25.570 --> 00:11:30.129 why now there's one time I may or may not have 00:11:30.129 --> 00:11:33.090 snuck out some mini whites that were accidentally 00:11:33.090 --> 00:11:37.669 crushed and looked like cocaine. And it was in 00:11:37.669 --> 00:11:39.950 the floorboard of the car and I believe you were 00:11:39.950 --> 00:11:41.909 there that night. It was in Warrensburg. We're 00:11:41.909 --> 00:11:44.049 dicking around in Warrensburg for god knows what. 00:11:45.450 --> 00:11:54.309 Remember that? Were you there? Oh yeah, well, 00:11:54.409 --> 00:11:57.370 we were there, and suddenly we get stopped. Jeff 00:11:57.370 --> 00:12:01.129 Huey was driving, our friend, and he had white 00:12:01.129 --> 00:12:03.409 pants on and he spilled red wine all over his 00:12:03.409 --> 00:12:07.350 white pants. Yes, I was there! I thought so. 00:12:07.450 --> 00:12:10.470 I was in the backseat. I was in the backseat, 00:12:10.649 --> 00:12:14.029 yeah. Yeah, yeah, and remember, that was my fucking 00:12:14.029 --> 00:12:16.289 crushed mini -wives, and they found him, and 00:12:16.289 --> 00:12:18.450 they were like, whose is it? And we're all going, 00:12:18.549 --> 00:12:19.990 I don't know, I don't know. Well, you're all 00:12:19.990 --> 00:12:22.470 gonna go to jail. I don't know! It was mine, 00:12:22.909 --> 00:12:25.649 and then the next thing I know we're so lucky 00:12:25.649 --> 00:12:27.929 remember There's that armed robbery on the other 00:12:27.929 --> 00:12:31.110 side of town, and they all have a leave. Oh my 00:12:31.110 --> 00:12:38.269 gosh Don't ever get caught back in this town 00:12:38.269 --> 00:12:46.779 again. Yes, sir. Okay, you got it Or the that 00:12:46.779 --> 00:12:49.419 one time we're like tearing apart an old fence 00:12:49.419 --> 00:12:52.379 So we had all these crowbars and shit and were 00:12:52.379 --> 00:12:54.779 you there? We went to stop at the car wash right 00:12:54.779 --> 00:12:57.620 to get some change to go buy some soda and the 00:12:57.620 --> 00:13:02.320 cops Okay, the cops flew around the corner and 00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:04.419 accused us of trying to break the machines open 00:13:04.419 --> 00:13:07.460 and take the change out because we had crowbars 00:13:07.460 --> 00:13:11.629 We're like no We were tearing down a fence over 00:13:11.629 --> 00:13:13.750 on the other side of town and we came here to 00:13:13.750 --> 00:13:15.690 get some change So we'll get by some soda pop 00:13:15.690 --> 00:13:17.889 from that machine. No, there's been a lot of 00:13:17.889 --> 00:13:20.009 activity around here You guys did that and we're 00:13:20.009 --> 00:13:23.629 like, no, we didn't we didn't so go dust it for 00:13:23.629 --> 00:13:25.450 fucking fingerprints or something I don't know. 00:13:25.450 --> 00:13:27.450 I don't give a shit whatever you got to do, but 00:13:27.450 --> 00:13:29.190 I didn't do it. Leave me the fuck alone Let me 00:13:29.190 --> 00:13:36.190 go and they did but Oh, and I got reminded of 00:13:36.190 --> 00:13:38.149 this from a friend of mine, okay, and I'll tell 00:13:38.149 --> 00:13:40.029 this real quick and then go on with everything. 00:13:41.909 --> 00:13:44.610 When I was still in school, during the summer, 00:13:44.669 --> 00:13:49.529 I was painting houses, right? Yeah. Okay. And 00:13:49.529 --> 00:13:53.409 we started doing interior rooms, and my boss 00:13:53.409 --> 00:13:55.769 at the time, the owner of the company, if he 00:13:55.769 --> 00:13:57.730 thought you were moving a little bit slow, he 00:13:57.730 --> 00:14:00.389 would shit in a box and sneak it in your room, 00:14:01.009 --> 00:14:03.710 wherever you're working. So it would stink up 00:14:03.710 --> 00:14:07.149 the room and his his philosophy was if the room 00:14:07.149 --> 00:14:08.889 smells like shit, you're gonna hurry up and get 00:14:08.889 --> 00:14:18.070 it done Yeah, I think it worked I think it'll 00:14:18.070 --> 00:14:22.070 work any I just remind me of that cuz we all 00:14:29.970 --> 00:14:32.009 Oh, yeah, yeah, no construction. That's what 00:14:32.009 --> 00:14:34.389 you do. It's like man. I ain't going out there. 00:14:34.529 --> 00:14:37.169 You see that porta potty We used to have a you 00:14:37.169 --> 00:14:39.409 know Someone would steal all the shit paper as 00:14:39.409 --> 00:14:41.950 soon as the as soon as the Johnny guys come by 00:14:41.950 --> 00:14:44.110 And through you new one you go in there. There'd 00:14:44.110 --> 00:14:47.309 be no shit papers like damn it these motherfuckers 00:14:47.309 --> 00:14:51.470 Why? Oh, I'm talking back in the 80s before there 00:14:51.470 --> 00:14:59.179 was Johnny's on the job, okay? Who's to take 00:14:59.179 --> 00:15:21.080 a dump in those? Yeah That's awesome Fucking 00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:23.720 awesome, you know what if a man needs to shoot 00:15:23.720 --> 00:15:30.879 he will find ways to shoot Smart man, smart man. 00:15:32.159 --> 00:15:34.879 I mean, I told you that one time, you know, we 00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:37.860 were on the job, me and my buddy Sandor, I think 00:15:37.860 --> 00:15:39.700 it was local, coming out of town, I don't know. 00:15:40.220 --> 00:15:43.740 But anyhow, they kept stealing the shit paper 00:15:43.740 --> 00:15:46.399 out of the Johnnys, right? So there's this guy 00:15:46.399 --> 00:15:48.799 that came in every day and I think it's like 00:15:48.799 --> 00:15:52.179 either rebel flag bandana or a Leonard Skinner 00:15:52.179 --> 00:15:54.059 bandana, something like that, right? And it had 00:15:54.059 --> 00:15:57.330 the Dixie flag on it, right? And he came in every 00:15:57.330 --> 00:15:59.529 day, he has a tile setter and he had that on 00:15:59.529 --> 00:16:03.149 his head. One day we see somebody new we think, 00:16:03.389 --> 00:16:06.529 it's bald headed guy. And I go to Sandra, I go, 00:16:06.570 --> 00:16:08.110 who's that guy? He goes, I don't know, I've never 00:16:08.110 --> 00:16:10.350 seen him before. Then we start looking again, 00:16:10.470 --> 00:16:13.049 looking again. Is that the guy that wears that 00:16:13.049 --> 00:16:16.269 bandana over his head? I think so. So I go out 00:16:16.269 --> 00:16:20.149 to take a piss and I see that bandana, he wiped 00:16:20.149 --> 00:16:22.870 his ass with it. That's the only thing that happened. 00:16:27.550 --> 00:16:31.629 I think I did, I think I did. That's a good one 00:16:31.629 --> 00:16:34.029 though, that's a good one though. I see backer 00:16:34.029 --> 00:16:36.429 rod in there, someone wiped their ass with backer 00:16:36.429 --> 00:16:43.870 rod. I don't miss those days at all. I like indoor 00:16:43.870 --> 00:16:46.769 plumbing, I like air conditioning now, it's fine 00:16:46.769 --> 00:16:49.870 with me. I don't even get air conditioning, but 00:16:49.870 --> 00:16:57.409 hey, I at least get a roof. True. Yes, and fans. 00:16:58.029 --> 00:17:00.970 Yep. Hey, I read that if you air drum with two 00:17:00.970 --> 00:17:03.590 hands during a Def Leppard music, that you're 00:17:03.590 --> 00:17:10.630 extremely inconsiderate. Oh, I didn't know. I've 00:17:10.630 --> 00:17:13.009 known that for years. Okay. All right. Just making 00:17:13.009 --> 00:17:17.529 sure. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I know. I was there. 00:17:17.789 --> 00:17:23.109 Okay. Yeah. I was there. I know. Okay. I pre 00:17:23.109 --> 00:17:26.319 -ordered the new Ozzy book, Last Rites. I can't 00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:28.599 find who's responsible for the content, but it 00:17:28.599 --> 00:17:31.759 seems to be legit. The book drops October 7th. 00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:33.940 I can't wait. But then I found out right afterwards, 00:17:34.339 --> 00:17:37.640 it's going to be on Paramount. It's accompanied 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:40.640 with a movie, The Last Rites. It's the last six 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:43.819 years of Ozzy's life, detailing it. Oh, okay. 00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:47.480 Yeah, it ought to be pretty good. So it's the 00:17:47.480 --> 00:17:51.700 time he's been sick. Yeah, yeah. So I still want 00:17:51.700 --> 00:17:54.119 the book anyhow. The book's usually so much better, 00:17:54.339 --> 00:17:57.960 so... And he had it, so. Well, I was pre -ordering 00:17:57.960 --> 00:18:01.019 Ozzie's book. My computer suggested Zach Wilde's 00:18:01.019 --> 00:18:06.279 book, Bringin' Metal to the Children. I'll get 00:18:06.279 --> 00:18:09.079 that book here in a couple of days. The book 00:18:09.079 --> 00:18:11.660 seems great. Let me write that down. I'm gonna 00:18:11.660 --> 00:18:15.279 have to, for instance, Bringin' Metal to the 00:18:15.279 --> 00:18:19.400 Children. By Zach Wilde. Gotcha. And I'm gonna 00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:21.880 get it in a few days, so I'll give a report on 00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:25.910 it, okay? This is the description. It's about 00:18:25.910 --> 00:18:29.950 music, of course, with backstage debauchery and 00:18:29.950 --> 00:18:33.869 intense band infighting. I remember the book 00:18:33.869 --> 00:18:35.930 when it was released, but I spaced it off and 00:18:35.930 --> 00:18:39.690 never ordered it. But yeah, it sounds great because 00:18:39.690 --> 00:18:41.869 these are the kind of books that I like. I like 00:18:41.869 --> 00:18:44.490 the inside Indian stuff, the fighting, the people 00:18:44.490 --> 00:18:46.970 that didn't get along, the people that did get 00:18:46.970 --> 00:18:51.559 along, the scandals, all that stuff. That's what 00:18:51.559 --> 00:18:55.079 I had against brothers Alex Van Halen's book. 00:18:55.420 --> 00:18:58.640 It really didn't tell me anything that I was 00:18:58.640 --> 00:19:02.720 like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that. It was 00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:05.019 nothing new. Yeah, it was nothing new. And I 00:19:05.019 --> 00:19:07.119 was like, you know, I appreciate him writing 00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:09.480 it and I appreciate him, you know, lifting up 00:19:09.480 --> 00:19:11.940 his brother. We, you know, I love my brother 00:19:11.940 --> 00:19:14.880 too and he's deceased, you know, so I get it. 00:19:15.240 --> 00:19:18.490 Tribute to him. I mean, couldn't he give us some 00:19:18.490 --> 00:19:21.710 juice? Something? You know? Make something up 00:19:21.710 --> 00:19:25.309 or nothing else. Just fucking lie. Say Eddie 00:19:25.309 --> 00:19:27.849 only had one toe. I don't know. Whatever. Something. 00:19:29.049 --> 00:19:32.930 So. Well, now Valerie might dispute that one. 00:19:35.730 --> 00:19:37.769 He would have to come up with something from 00:19:37.769 --> 00:19:40.410 their childhood. Yeah, you know what? You're 00:19:40.410 --> 00:19:45.990 right. You're right. Yeah. Valerie Bertinelli, 00:19:45.990 --> 00:19:48.170 if anyone's wondering who he's talking about. 00:19:48.289 --> 00:19:51.029 Yeah, Valerie Bertinelli is ex -wife. Love of 00:19:51.029 --> 00:19:54.950 his life. They were still best friends. He went 00:19:54.950 --> 00:19:57.609 to visit her during his cancer. Valerie Bertinelli 00:19:57.609 --> 00:20:03.450 got a divorce. She got a divorce over it. They 00:20:03.450 --> 00:20:05.589 never fell out of love with each other. It's 00:20:05.589 --> 00:20:07.230 just they couldn't live with each other type 00:20:07.230 --> 00:20:11.019 of thing. Right. I mean it's a classic story 00:20:11.019 --> 00:20:13.240 you know they really did they were crazy about 00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:15.980 each other but it didn't work out and probably 00:20:15.980 --> 00:20:18.940 a lot of it was you know Eddie Van Halen very 00:20:18.940 --> 00:20:22.920 famously had some drug issues and you know and 00:20:22.920 --> 00:20:25.000 probably got in the way of the relationship and 00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:28.759 I don't know what else but you know but the thing 00:20:28.759 --> 00:20:31.420 is they were still you know probably deeply in 00:20:31.420 --> 00:20:33.890 love at the time of his death And she was over 00:20:33.890 --> 00:20:37.069 there so much helping Eddie during his last few, 00:20:37.289 --> 00:20:40.670 you know, last few days of his life. Her husband 00:20:40.670 --> 00:20:43.650 was like, you know, this is not the same. You 00:20:43.650 --> 00:20:45.589 obviously love him much more than, you know, 00:20:45.650 --> 00:20:48.250 that type of thing from what I read. So, but, 00:20:48.250 --> 00:20:52.789 you know. Well, that's also the father of her 00:20:52.789 --> 00:20:56.069 kids. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I know that. No, and 00:20:56.069 --> 00:20:58.769 they should have. You know, they were a royal 00:20:58.769 --> 00:21:03.450 couple at one time, weren't they? She was. Yeah, 00:21:03.450 --> 00:21:07.029 she was from TV cute brunette gorgeous little 00:21:07.029 --> 00:21:10.549 thing and the rocker it was like the perfect 00:21:10.549 --> 00:21:14.849 story, you know Yeah, she was on my wall. Oh, 00:21:14.849 --> 00:21:18.029 yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she was smoking wasn't she? 00:21:18.930 --> 00:21:27.190 Oh, oh Yeah, yeah, man, my okay My poor fucking 00:21:27.190 --> 00:21:31.170 little my poor fucking developing penis got him 00:21:31.069 --> 00:21:37.890 Pretty good workout over her. With a couple of 00:21:37.890 --> 00:21:41.390 hairs I had on my nads. That's about it. All 00:21:41.390 --> 00:21:46.910 right. I'm glad you're in my ear. I'm glad I 00:21:46.910 --> 00:21:50.890 am, too. Princess, maybe we're going to have 00:21:50.890 --> 00:21:55.109 to. No, no, no. Princess is thinking about coming 00:21:55.109 --> 00:21:59.269 on, but then we will have our hands full. That's 00:21:59.269 --> 00:22:14.440 fine. welcome it that's fine with me cool yeah 00:22:14.440 --> 00:22:22.019 cool that sounds good I'm for it Aerosmith Lord 00:22:22.019 --> 00:22:26.039 of the Thighs what a fucking song just saying 00:22:26.039 --> 00:22:29.859 just saying just saying I was on my way to work 00:22:29.859 --> 00:22:32.019 and I heard that fucking rhythm. I'm like man. 00:22:32.039 --> 00:22:34.480 I'm about ready to punch out my windows so good 00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:40.000 If you don't know what I'm talking about go to 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:44.779 YouTube put in Aerosmith lord of the thighs so 00:22:44.779 --> 00:22:51.019 So I go on Perhaps it was the stress of speaking 00:22:51.019 --> 00:22:54.359 in front of others on September 2nd in Cranford, 00:22:54.519 --> 00:22:57.640 New Jersey resident Will Philly appeared in a 00:22:57.640 --> 00:23:00.200 town hall meeting to ask questions about a recent 00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:05.720 property tax hike. WABC TV reported, but before 00:23:05.720 --> 00:23:09.079 he uttered a word, he performed a wordless robot 00:23:09.079 --> 00:23:14.339 dance without music. He spun on the floor. Then 00:23:14.339 --> 00:23:19.019 he asked how everyone's weekend was. He went 00:23:19.019 --> 00:23:22.480 on to ask a few specific questions about taxes 00:23:22.480 --> 00:23:25.180 and school expenses. then gathered his papers 00:23:25.180 --> 00:23:28.559 from the podium and moonwalked back to his seat. 00:23:30.859 --> 00:23:34.480 Was that Mitch? Probably was Mitch. Was that 00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:37.259 Mitch? He loves to break dance, we know this, 00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:39.259 and he loves to moonwalk, so I bet it was. It 00:23:39.259 --> 00:23:41.660 was Mitch. And he likes to wear those really, 00:23:41.660 --> 00:23:45.200 really tight parachute pants that gives you the 00:23:45.200 --> 00:23:50.000 man camel toe. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It divides your 00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:54.819 sack into two pieces. And then your your farm 00:23:54.819 --> 00:23:57.460 animal goes one way and your one one bag goes 00:23:57.460 --> 00:24:02.619 one way and all that good shit, right? It looks 00:24:02.619 --> 00:24:08.559 like a deflated basketball It looks like a deflated 00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:11.680 basketball and very tight fucking white parachute 00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:14.279 pants that's Mitch right he still wears them 00:24:17.930 --> 00:24:21.349 Oh, they're brown. Yeah. Yeah. Oh like Jeffy 00:24:21.349 --> 00:24:25.910 X's Yeah, Jeffy X gotta come up with some shit 00:24:25.910 --> 00:24:36.109 Yeah, that's right That's true that's true well 00:24:36.109 --> 00:24:41.069 detergent well a lot of detergent so anyhow So 00:24:41.069 --> 00:24:45.089 anyhow this guy will Philly he is running for 00:24:45.089 --> 00:24:48.029 the Township committee He said, I want to bring 00:24:48.029 --> 00:24:51.369 a friendly, stress -free way of our committee 00:24:51.369 --> 00:24:54.150 when dealing with the public. He says on his 00:24:54.150 --> 00:24:56.470 website, if I lived there, I'd vote for him, 00:24:56.529 --> 00:25:01.789 wouldn't you? The guy, the guy came in, he fucking 00:25:01.789 --> 00:25:06.210 spun on the floor, he fucking body popped, and 00:25:06.210 --> 00:25:09.269 fucking, and moonwalked all the way out of there. 00:25:09.349 --> 00:25:10.809 I'd be like, I got right there. I don't care 00:25:10.809 --> 00:25:14.009 how crazy he is or whatever. I want him in, want 00:25:14.009 --> 00:25:17.509 him in. I got to see what happens. Just we need 00:25:17.509 --> 00:25:21.710 a politician to walk That's right, that's right 00:25:21.710 --> 00:25:25.410 So I think that's pretty cool though because 00:25:25.410 --> 00:25:27.750 you know what it did it got people talking about 00:25:27.750 --> 00:25:30.970 him didn't it? Yeah, I definitely did. Yeah, 00:25:31.009 --> 00:25:36.549 I think it's brilliant So yeah, he did. So anyhow, 00:25:36.569 --> 00:25:50.269 we're 20 minutes in so Rob, let's go to you Yes, 00:25:50.269 --> 00:25:53.430 the details sound less like a crime report more 00:25:53.430 --> 00:25:57.829 like the rejected pilot of Florida man aquatic 00:25:57.829 --> 00:26:12.210 adventures Okay, okay You're not picking on Florida 00:26:12.210 --> 00:26:22.690 Florida has a nap Yeah yeah yeah so apparently 00:26:22.690 --> 00:26:27.789 at paddlefish restaurant the guy shows up just 00:26:27.789 --> 00:26:34.329 after midnight dressed in wait for it a wet suit 00:26:34.329 --> 00:27:00.299 okay goggles mask Okay Keep going. I like where 00:27:00.299 --> 00:27:04.460 this is going. I'm gonna read this. Okay. I love 00:27:04.460 --> 00:27:10.039 70s journalists news. I love their work. Sounds 00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:12.559 good. Now here's where the story stops making 00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:43.180 sense. Okay. Okay Okay, you may get to this I 00:27:43.180 --> 00:27:45.579 don't know but Why would a guy give up anything 00:27:45.579 --> 00:27:48.200 if he doesn't have a weapon? Yeah, if a guy comes 00:27:48.200 --> 00:27:49.960 up to mirror you and he doesn't have a weapon 00:27:49.960 --> 00:27:51.720 it goes Give me your wall. You're gonna go fuck 00:27:51.720 --> 00:27:58.109 off, right? But the wetsuit might might account 00:27:58.109 --> 00:28:52.029 for something in the goggles That's one of me. 00:28:52.250 --> 00:29:23.519 I love this word. I do too. Ooh, that's up there. 00:29:23.519 --> 00:29:26.960 That's gonna be a major, major felony. Okay. 00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:32.299 Yeah. Uh, that means this guy wasn't robbing 00:29:32.299 --> 00:29:35.039 his safe. He was probably just taking the tips 00:29:35.039 --> 00:29:38.839 from people ordering lobster rolls, which knowing 00:29:38.839 --> 00:29:44.680 Disney prices is like two tables. Yes, two tables. 00:29:51.529 --> 00:29:55.329 the guy this is fucking he's got a set of balls 00:29:55.329 --> 00:29:58.930 he has to carry a wheelbarrow for his fucking 00:29:58.930 --> 00:31:17.180 balls Imitation yeah, okay I apologize for the 00:31:17.180 --> 00:31:21.859 feedback. My earphones are fucking up really 00:31:21.859 --> 00:31:24.680 bad. So it gave me a whole bunch of feedback. 00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:26.619 So if you all heard that, and you're going to 00:31:26.619 --> 00:31:28.319 hear that, I'm sorry I had to turn the volume 00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:30.299 down a little bit. So there's going to be a little 00:31:30.299 --> 00:31:32.079 bit of difference in the recording. Anyhow, I'm 00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:35.440 sorry. Go ahead, Rob. Oh, that was the end of 00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:48.109 it. Oh, OK. You know, confidence. Go ahead. Florida 00:31:48.109 --> 00:31:50.089 don't care. They'll they'll take it. They got 00:31:50.089 --> 00:31:54.309 broad shoulders um confidence does a lot and 00:31:54.309 --> 00:31:57.170 This is kind of fucked up story with you know 00:31:57.170 --> 00:32:01.230 we we all you know, okay? This is a long time 00:32:01.230 --> 00:32:06.609 ago, and I was at a said strip club Okay, they 00:32:06.609 --> 00:32:08.769 had to twist my arm to go there. I didn't want 00:32:08.769 --> 00:32:12.170 to do it I was like no no way I do not objectify 00:32:12.170 --> 00:32:15.630 women like that ever ever But they kept twisting 00:32:15.630 --> 00:32:21.200 my arm, right? So I went okay, so I got a piss 00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:24.059 really bad I've been drinking fucking dollar 00:32:24.059 --> 00:32:26.799 buds or whatever it was dollar They didn't have 00:32:26.799 --> 00:32:29.000 yin -ling here yet, but whatever it was I was 00:32:29.000 --> 00:32:31.579 drinking dollar somethings probably natty light 00:32:31.579 --> 00:32:34.880 and I had to piss really bad some guys were in 00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:37.279 the bathroom and they were blocking it off they're 00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:40.900 holding it off right and And I know what they're 00:32:40.900 --> 00:32:43.380 doing. They're doing coke and I was so pissed. 00:32:43.519 --> 00:32:45.519 They wouldn't let me in I kicked the fucking 00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:48.880 door in and the guy uh smashed his nose against 00:32:48.880 --> 00:32:51.200 the fucking wall and was bleeding and there's 00:32:51.200 --> 00:32:54.059 like five guys in there right so anyhow they're 00:32:54.059 --> 00:32:56.059 all like looking like they're gonna kick my ass 00:32:56.059 --> 00:32:58.160 i go which one of you motherfuckers is the first 00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:00.220 one that's gonna fucking go down come on bitches 00:33:00.220 --> 00:33:03.299 they all fucking ran out and i was fucking following 00:33:03.299 --> 00:33:05.079 them down the hallway with my fucking dick hanging 00:33:05.079 --> 00:33:07.779 out going i'm gonna kill you motherfuckers i 00:33:07.779 --> 00:33:10.740 was drunker than hell and every one of them left 00:33:10.740 --> 00:33:15.210 they they they didn't question it They just thought 00:33:15.210 --> 00:33:17.230 man this guy's gonna fucking kill us if we don't 00:33:17.230 --> 00:33:22.230 leave And that fucked up that's confidence I 00:33:22.230 --> 00:33:25.009 mean if I was if I was them I looked at everybody 00:33:25.009 --> 00:33:27.450 else and said fuck this guy come on Let's kick 00:33:27.450 --> 00:33:30.069 the shit out of them but because I did it like 00:33:30.069 --> 00:33:32.769 that and I was pissed and I was drunk and And 00:33:32.769 --> 00:33:35.049 you know because I kicked the door in and I fucking 00:33:35.049 --> 00:33:39.309 asked which one was fucking first They I don't 00:33:39.309 --> 00:33:41.009 know maybe they thought I had a weapon or something, 00:33:41.029 --> 00:33:43.869 but it fucking worked They got the hell out of 00:33:43.869 --> 00:33:48.529 there. I'm sorry, man. We're leaving. So anyhow, 00:33:49.890 --> 00:33:51.910 all right, let's see. You want to take our first 00:33:51.910 --> 00:33:56.970 break and come back with some emails? Yeah. Yeah, 00:33:56.970 --> 00:33:59.289 let's take our break. Okay. And all the stuff 00:33:59.289 --> 00:34:01.390 I just said was allegedly. It may not have happened, 00:34:01.410 --> 00:34:05.470 right? Always. Always allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah. 00:34:05.529 --> 00:34:13.519 Yeah. I made that up for show. Yeah, yeah allegedly 00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:17.219 everything whatever we say it's allegedly so 00:34:17.219 --> 00:34:22.679 there yes. Yep All right, we will be right back 00:34:22.679 --> 00:34:26.579 Sir, I see your qualifications here. I have some 00:34:26.579 --> 00:34:28.340 further questions that could help me determine 00:34:28.340 --> 00:34:31.880 your employment eligibility Yes, sir. I'm ready. 00:34:32.500 --> 00:34:34.820 Well as you can see here We have a large population 00:34:34.820 --> 00:34:37.400 of different ethnic background sexuality and 00:34:37.400 --> 00:34:42.199 ages Are you by chance bilingual? Well, sir, 00:34:42.199 --> 00:34:44.880 I'm not sure why you need that kind of information, 00:34:44.940 --> 00:34:48.000 but, well, it was only one time in summer camp. 00:34:48.460 --> 00:34:55.800 I considered it experimental. Hey there, slap 00:34:55.800 --> 00:35:01.599 nets. It's time for The Creep's Music News. Hey, 00:35:01.659 --> 00:35:04.179 my little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohibnall 00:35:04.179 --> 00:35:07.420 with your music news. This November, Bad Company 00:35:07.420 --> 00:35:09.480 will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall 00:35:09.480 --> 00:35:12.139 of Fame. Only two of the band's original members 00:35:12.139 --> 00:35:15.760 remain, Paul Rogers, the singer, and drummer, 00:35:16.019 --> 00:35:18.480 Simon Kirk. The latter of which said the odds 00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:21.300 of them performing at the ceremony are very good. 00:35:21.739 --> 00:35:24.340 It's not a definite just yet though. I don't 00:35:24.340 --> 00:35:26.619 know. I know that we've been approached to play 00:35:26.619 --> 00:35:29.159 a couple of songs Kirk recently explained to 00:35:29.159 --> 00:35:31.780 Defenders of the Faith podcast. I've spoken with 00:35:31.780 --> 00:35:34.039 Paul, Paul's health, as you know, is not good. 00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:36.480 But I think I'm crossed my fingers that we will 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:39.139 be able to play at least one song. I don't know 00:35:39.139 --> 00:35:41.269 what that is yet. And I don't even know who's 00:35:41.269 --> 00:35:45.570 going to be inducting us yet. Simon, we hope 00:35:45.570 --> 00:35:47.989 you are correct. We would love to hear one last 00:35:47.989 --> 00:35:52.250 song from you two. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That 00:35:52.250 --> 00:35:55.030 was your music news. And remember, bar chords 00:35:55.030 --> 00:36:01.610 are bullshit. Oh, hey, look at the time. It's 00:36:01.610 --> 00:36:04.230 time for the crazy -ass word of the day. Pseudo 00:36:04.230 --> 00:36:08.030 -pseudo -hypo -parent -phyrogism. Oh, shit. What's 00:36:08.030 --> 00:36:12.199 that over there? Oh no! This island of horrible 00:36:12.199 --> 00:36:20.360 jokes! They panic -stricken man explained to 00:36:20.360 --> 00:36:23.139 his doctor, you have to help me, I'm shrinking. 00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:26.440 The doctor said I will. You have to be a little 00:36:26.440 --> 00:36:37.239 patient. Our constant pursuit for a real knee 00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:40.599 -slapper. It's strange insults from an alien. 00:36:41.099 --> 00:36:44.579 Real hilarity. May your five -year -old neighbor 00:36:44.579 --> 00:36:47.800 have all their violin lessons during all of your 00:36:47.800 --> 00:36:52.860 hangovers. Why, what a burger, you say? Well, 00:36:53.179 --> 00:36:56.639 because what a deep -fried crispy chicken nugget 00:36:56.639 --> 00:37:03.900 just didn't have the right ring. Now it's time 00:37:03.900 --> 00:37:06.539 for pick -up lines from a loser. Can you take 00:37:06.539 --> 00:37:09.349 me to the hospital? I just broke my leg falling 00:37:09.349 --> 00:37:16.309 for you. Sometimes Mark appears to be in deep 00:37:16.309 --> 00:37:19.090 thoughts. Usually he is contemplating whether 00:37:19.090 --> 00:37:21.510 to squeeze a tooth out or save it up for a better 00:37:21.510 --> 00:37:26.650 place. But I digress. Sometimes he does occasionally 00:37:26.650 --> 00:37:30.130 have a deep thought. Now we look in on his brilliance. 00:37:32.030 --> 00:37:35.289 What if I learned telepathy and then I tried 00:37:35.289 --> 00:37:38.300 to talk to random people? How would I know if 00:37:38.300 --> 00:37:43.099 they're ignoring me? I guess some questions are 00:37:43.099 --> 00:37:53.539 greater than mankind. Hey, this is Dash Riptide 00:37:53.539 --> 00:37:55.820 here. I thought I'd let you all know, all you 00:37:55.820 --> 00:37:59.059 music fans, that I pre -ordered the Ozzy book, 00:37:59.300 --> 00:38:02.699 brand new, coming out October 7th. It's called 00:38:02.699 --> 00:38:05.260 Last Rites. I think it's gonna be phenomenal, 00:38:05.420 --> 00:38:07.800 from what I read. And you should get it too if 00:38:07.800 --> 00:38:25.659 you're a fan. Introducing Rob Rad's new book, 00:38:25.739 --> 00:38:28.699 How to Track Your Enemy by Scent. That's right, 00:38:28.880 --> 00:38:31.880 smell your enemy before they get you. Order this 00:38:31.880 --> 00:38:34.139 gem now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's 00:38:34.139 --> 00:38:37.000 secret bunker in Camdenton, Missouri. Also receive 00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:39.679 a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw 00:38:39.679 --> 00:38:46.639 Sewage for Food. Hey there, fuckstick. You're 00:38:46.639 --> 00:38:48.900 just in time for brand new feature news nobody 00:38:48.900 --> 00:38:52.599 gives a shit about. A belly dancer in Spain. 00:38:53.019 --> 00:38:56.699 Billy danced for 48 hours beating the old world 00:38:56.699 --> 00:39:02.860 record by five hours. Hey, if you're a fan of 00:39:02.860 --> 00:39:05.039 paying way too much for trinkets and food, well 00:39:05.039 --> 00:39:08.099 your wish is coming true. Kansas City International 00:39:08.099 --> 00:39:10.500 Airport guest pass program is starting today. 00:39:11.119 --> 00:39:13.940 Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets 00:39:13.940 --> 00:39:17.400 and $15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50 00:39:17.400 --> 00:39:20.360 cheap t -shirt that has KC Western Auto building 00:39:20.360 --> 00:39:23.710 image on it? We got you covered. Want a barbeque 00:39:23.710 --> 00:39:26.389 sauce gift pack? No problem. Just a mere forty 00:39:26.389 --> 00:39:28.949 bucks and you're first born. Hurry! You know 00:39:28.949 --> 00:39:31.630 rubes are jumping all over to get to this complete 00:39:31.630 --> 00:39:51.130 rip -off. Because people are sheep. Two douchebags 00:39:51.130 --> 00:39:52.909 and microphone, I'll mark here in the Kansas 00:39:52.909 --> 00:39:57.949 City area to talk his cheap studio. And I am 00:39:57.949 --> 00:40:00.809 Rob at the beautiful Angwar, Malaysia of the 00:40:00.809 --> 00:40:03.989 Ozarks, in the Dutch blind studio. Quack, quack. 00:40:04.570 --> 00:40:07.070 All right, Rob, right off the bat, guess who 00:40:07.070 --> 00:40:16.289 we have. Our buddy Mades. Of course. Oh, wait. 00:40:17.710 --> 00:40:22.050 Oh, somebody else? Hang on. hang on we here at 00:40:22.050 --> 00:40:25.070 lake freeman have used ai to create a rob clone 00:40:25.070 --> 00:40:29.829 we no longer need the real rob we plan on making 00:40:29.829 --> 00:40:33.210 a mark clone and throwing sewage at it cool it 00:40:33.210 --> 00:40:36.269 won't be me it'll be my clone i don't care maybe 00:40:36.269 --> 00:40:40.110 my clone will kick your ass i hope so uh rob 00:40:40.110 --> 00:40:44.090 will answer our every command later losers clint 00:40:44.090 --> 00:40:46.610 the leader of lake freeman real man club and 00:40:46.610 --> 00:41:10.389 fish fry There you go good luck with your Rob 00:41:10.389 --> 00:41:14.590 clone and As far as I go knock yourself out though 00:41:14.590 --> 00:41:17.550 and sewage at my club. Yeah It's not gonna bother 00:41:17.550 --> 00:41:20.269 me any I mean, you know, that's my clone. So 00:41:20.269 --> 00:41:24.090 I'm hoping my clone. I don't know hold you down 00:41:24.090 --> 00:41:27.309 and asses you up really good Steals your narcan 00:41:29.010 --> 00:41:33.090 So all right Rob, what is your favorite? Yeah, 00:41:37.010 --> 00:41:43.909 he's still around so he must be He is Mitch's 00:41:43.909 --> 00:41:46.409 bitch, I want to know how come Mitch didn't have 00:41:46.409 --> 00:41:49.469 enough nuts to email you this week nothing for 00:41:49.469 --> 00:42:07.340 Mitch just Clint All right Lucas oil oh you swagger 00:42:07.340 --> 00:42:19.019 jacked him as soon as you said yep yep Mitch 00:42:19.019 --> 00:42:22.400 you got swagger jacked you are fucking done you're 00:42:22.400 --> 00:42:30.739 toast Rob Rob handed it to you That's right Mitch 00:42:30.739 --> 00:42:36.239 All right Rob, what is your favorite rainbow 00:42:36.239 --> 00:42:38.940 album? I'm asking you because you're the rainbow 00:42:38.940 --> 00:42:51.420 fanatic Ronnie and Tulsa the Tulsa King I'm gonna 00:42:51.420 --> 00:42:55.900 have to say rising rainbow Rainbow rising was 00:42:55.900 --> 00:43:00.539 a very good Yeah, same thing. I'm gonna have 00:43:00.539 --> 00:43:03.679 to say that one. Yeah, Rainbow Rising was great. 00:43:03.739 --> 00:43:06.400 That was with Ronnie James Dio, and it was early. 00:43:06.880 --> 00:43:19.210 Yes. Yeah, that was very... Well, I loved every 00:43:19.210 --> 00:43:22.369 incarnation of rainbow to I know he didn't ask 00:43:22.369 --> 00:43:24.869 me but I'm just kind of interjecting I loved 00:43:24.869 --> 00:43:26.409 every one of them. I loved the grand bonnet. 00:43:26.409 --> 00:43:28.809 I loved the Joe Lynn Turner I loved the Ronnie 00:43:28.809 --> 00:43:31.989 James deal every one of them were very different 00:43:31.989 --> 00:43:38.869 singers Well, that's when he was doing that Mozart 00:43:38.869 --> 00:43:44.900 and in the compositions, I mean Really, really 00:43:44.900 --> 00:43:47.579 groundbreaking stuff that Richie Blackmore was 00:43:47.579 --> 00:43:50.599 on. You know, like 20th Century Greensleeves. 00:43:50.860 --> 00:43:53.960 What a song. I mean, that was written like Beethoven, 00:43:54.300 --> 00:43:56.760 you know. It was amazing. It was like a musical 00:43:56.760 --> 00:44:00.280 score. He was so good at it. And the feel that 00:44:00.280 --> 00:44:02.280 he got from it, too. You know, they're talking 00:44:02.280 --> 00:44:05.019 about medieval times and all that, druids, whatever, 00:44:05.119 --> 00:44:08.719 you know. Well, he did it in such a way to where 00:44:08.719 --> 00:44:10.500 you could feel what he was talking about without 00:44:10.500 --> 00:44:13.280 even saying it. which is what a song's supposed 00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:17.360 to do. So I can see how Rainbow Rising was your 00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:23.780 favorite. I can't remember which one was the 00:44:23.780 --> 00:44:26.760 one with Graham Bonnet, but that is probably 00:44:26.760 --> 00:44:31.500 my favorite. Just because I loved his more hard 00:44:31.500 --> 00:44:35.000 rock poppy sound that he came up with then. I 00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:37.179 loved all of it, but to me that had a lot of 00:44:37.179 --> 00:44:39.900 strength and a lot of vigor and umph, and Graham 00:44:39.900 --> 00:44:43.110 Bonnet's voice is so good. but you know all of 00:44:43.110 --> 00:44:47.889 them are great so um all right mark have you 00:44:47.889 --> 00:44:49.989 ever thought about smoothing up the recorded 00:44:49.989 --> 00:44:53.130 live from eureka springs episode i'd like to 00:44:53.130 --> 00:44:57.929 hear it better thanks louis in white plains i 00:44:57.929 --> 00:45:00.329 think probably new york i've been there nice 00:45:00.329 --> 00:45:05.090 place um i guess i can take a look at it i tried 00:45:05.090 --> 00:45:07.809 to uh clean up the one from the other day that 00:45:07.809 --> 00:45:12.480 i accidentally had too hot And I can't seem to 00:45:12.480 --> 00:45:14.659 get it clean, so I don't know if I can. I'll 00:45:14.659 --> 00:45:17.760 give it a try. So I know there's got to be a 00:45:17.760 --> 00:45:19.699 way of scrubbing it. I just don't know. I'll 00:45:19.699 --> 00:45:21.480 have to get with Topher. He knows a lot about 00:45:21.480 --> 00:45:23.300 it. He might be able to tell me how to scrub 00:45:23.300 --> 00:45:26.599 it. And that's where the headphones came in and 00:45:26.599 --> 00:45:30.960 all the feedback was. I was trying to put the 00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:33.519 headphones on and plug them directly into the 00:45:33.519 --> 00:45:35.480 mic so I can hear what's going on so I can have 00:45:35.480 --> 00:45:39.949 a better quality sound. But every time I did 00:45:39.949 --> 00:45:43.449 it gave us crazy feedback. So I guess I can't 00:45:43.449 --> 00:45:48.909 so anyhow All right What is your favorite guitar 00:45:48.909 --> 00:45:52.449 to hear Brandon model if you will? Thanks, Craig 00:45:52.449 --> 00:46:05.449 in New Jersey Gibson SG Okay, Gibson SG Okay, 00:46:06.030 --> 00:46:09.119 Gibson SG I just want to know if I like the sound 00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:13.199 of it. Okay. I'll give you an example. Gibson 00:46:13.199 --> 00:46:16.940 SG is what Tony Iommi plays and also Angus Young. 00:46:18.400 --> 00:46:21.380 Okay. That gave you a pretty good idea, right? 00:46:22.199 --> 00:46:25.059 Yeah. And I mean, and it's not just the model. 00:46:25.239 --> 00:46:28.199 I appreciate this, Craig and everything, but 00:46:28.199 --> 00:46:31.599 so much of it is your pickups and your electronics 00:46:31.599 --> 00:46:35.460 in it. That's why I'm saying this is your question 00:46:35.460 --> 00:46:38.260 because you're the guitar player I'm not okay 00:46:38.260 --> 00:46:42.239 well yeah that's my favorite guitar to hear but 00:46:42.239 --> 00:46:45.059 also depends on what kind of a box that you're 00:46:45.059 --> 00:46:49.719 using whether it's clean you use distortion wah 00:46:49.719 --> 00:46:52.539 -wah pedal I mean all this stuff that goes into 00:46:52.539 --> 00:46:56.559 it but if you're just talking about a raw sound 00:46:56.559 --> 00:47:00.760 like someone coming out just whoever in the amp 00:47:00.760 --> 00:47:03.940 a Gibson SG to me has the most classic best sound 00:47:03.940 --> 00:47:11.079 that I like Um, Louie, thank you. Oh, no, no, 00:47:11.079 --> 00:47:13.219 no, that's Craig. I'm sorry. Craig in New Jersey. 00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:17.460 All right. Um, Louie was the one in White Plains. 00:47:17.679 --> 00:47:20.440 They want me to scrub up Eureka. All right. Rob, 00:47:20.460 --> 00:47:22.860 do you still have the stewed squirrel recipe? 00:47:24.179 --> 00:47:26.739 I didn't catch that. I didn't catch this one 00:47:26.739 --> 00:47:29.619 earlier. I'm sorry. Rob, do you still have the 00:47:29.619 --> 00:47:32.539 stewed squirrel recipe? I have three squirrels 00:47:32.539 --> 00:47:43.860 that I've trapped. Emily and Bridgeford. I've 00:47:43.860 --> 00:47:47.599 been looking for that. I put it up and I don't 00:47:47.599 --> 00:48:02.659 know where it's at. I have her recipe box. I 00:48:02.659 --> 00:48:05.219 just haven't looked in there. I know I wrote 00:48:05.219 --> 00:48:09.710 it down somewhere. There you go, Emily. My squirrel 00:48:09.710 --> 00:48:11.809 dip recipe is really easy if you're interested. 00:48:12.510 --> 00:48:19.510 You take a squirrel... Oh, okay. I take a dead 00:48:19.510 --> 00:48:22.550 squirrel, and I take a sledgehammer and smash 00:48:22.550 --> 00:48:25.550 the piss out of it, and then I scoop it up, I 00:48:25.550 --> 00:48:27.670 put it in a bowl with cream cheese and garlic. 00:48:28.949 --> 00:48:32.030 Mix it up really well. Chill. It's better chilled, 00:48:32.110 --> 00:48:37.360 and I like to use wavy lays on it. Yeah, yep. 00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:39.980 Sounds like way be late getting hungry thinking 00:48:39.980 --> 00:48:44.219 about it, aren't you? Yeah, yeah Never fails. 00:48:44.219 --> 00:48:46.679 You want to have everyone at a party happy? That's 00:48:46.679 --> 00:48:49.420 what you do Mark's famous squirrel dip. You can 00:48:49.420 --> 00:48:51.760 even say it's yours. I don't care. You can say 00:48:51.760 --> 00:48:53.840 that you invented it I don't care. It's fine. 00:48:54.300 --> 00:48:57.079 That's how much I care Go ahead and use my recipe 00:48:57.079 --> 00:48:59.940 and call it your own Is that not giving Rob? 00:49:01.159 --> 00:49:06.190 Yes Like I said, I have my recipe wrote down 00:49:06.190 --> 00:49:08.389 somewhere. I just don't have it. He'll get it. 00:49:08.389 --> 00:49:13.670 He'll get it to you, Emily. So. All right. And 00:49:13.670 --> 00:49:16.130 the final one. Hey, douches, how about a good 00:49:16.130 --> 00:49:18.489 pina colada recipe for the drink of the week? 00:49:18.909 --> 00:49:22.030 Ronnie and Tulsa. D, Tulsa King. This is awesome. 00:49:22.070 --> 00:49:25.449 We got two from him today or this week. Oh, right 00:49:25.449 --> 00:49:27.989 on. Yeah, I'll do a pina colada recipe. I'll 00:49:27.989 --> 00:49:32.519 look one up. I'll try to find an interesting 00:49:32.519 --> 00:49:35.519 one like maybe a different flavored one like 00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:38.119 I don't know, you know, you can add flavors I'll 00:49:38.119 --> 00:49:41.920 look for a really interesting like maybe Extra 00:49:41.920 --> 00:49:44.460 coconut or I don't know. I'll figure it out mango 00:49:44.460 --> 00:49:46.659 pina colada or something. I'll figure it out 00:49:46.659 --> 00:49:49.960 and I'll get it Okay, the Tulsa King. Love you 00:49:49.960 --> 00:49:52.099 man. Keep keep them coming man. We love your 00:49:52.099 --> 00:49:55.119 emails. You are royalty You'll always get an 00:49:55.119 --> 00:49:58.380 answer. We'll always talk about your emails and 00:49:58.570 --> 00:50:03.050 And you are in the Hall of Fame. You're in the 00:50:03.050 --> 00:50:06.610 Douchebag Hall of Fame because you rule. And 00:50:06.610 --> 00:50:08.730 you're going to take up the whole wall where 00:50:08.730 --> 00:50:13.230 we had Mitch at and we took him down? Actually, 00:50:14.769 --> 00:50:20.630 I might get a shirt made up for him. Oh, for 00:50:20.630 --> 00:50:25.110 Ronnie? For Tulsa King, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, 00:50:25.110 --> 00:50:42.739 I want to meet him. Cool National crappy podcast 00:50:42.739 --> 00:50:45.179 day, which is ours. We invented it is coming 00:50:45.179 --> 00:50:48.980 up on my birthday October 25th just to let everybody 00:50:48.980 --> 00:50:52.699 else So let everybody know that this is a crappy 00:50:52.699 --> 00:50:55.039 podcast and they are to listen to every show 00:50:55.039 --> 00:50:58.260 They can in their spare time on October 25th. 00:50:58.260 --> 00:51:02.150 Well, I said Well, I sip Italian margaritas and 00:51:02.150 --> 00:51:06.730 get my free chicken spadini at Corozo's What 00:51:06.730 --> 00:51:13.050 day is October 25th? Saturday Saturday? Saturday 00:51:13.050 --> 00:51:16.889 Okay, well I'll probably be working on the house 00:51:16.889 --> 00:51:23.730 Oh, okay Well, yeah, just throw in our episodes 00:51:23.730 --> 00:51:28.929 Might be moving Oh, that day? Really? You might 00:51:28.929 --> 00:51:34.349 be moving that soon? Maybe. Okay, cool. I wish 00:51:34.349 --> 00:51:36.449 you luck, Rob. I mean, I think it's great. I'm 00:51:36.449 --> 00:51:38.650 glad that you and Princess are doing so well. 00:51:39.269 --> 00:51:41.570 So excellent. Yeah, we are. Good. That's great 00:51:41.570 --> 00:51:45.989 to hear. All right. Go ahead, Rob. That's all 00:51:45.989 --> 00:51:51.409 of the emails. Okay. Well, let's go to the Lake 00:51:51.409 --> 00:52:00.590 of the Ozarks. Oh, why not? Down here. Oh, yeah, 00:52:00.590 --> 00:52:02.869 I forgot their names two chicks wanted you to 00:52:02.869 --> 00:52:14.550 There you go Law enforcement is searching for 00:52:14.550 --> 00:52:17.630 the person responsible for property damage at 00:52:17.630 --> 00:52:41.739 a football field on Saturday Guilty, not on this 00:52:41.739 --> 00:53:31.019 one, but from before. Yep, get a hold of them 00:53:31.019 --> 00:53:44.800 your local fuzz help them out There you go All 00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:56.679 right, thank you Rob What is geographic tongue 00:53:56.679 --> 00:54:11.199 Rob Okay It's about the Saturday Night Live star 00:54:11.199 --> 00:54:14.739 Kate McKinnon's gross condition and this is self 00:54:14.739 --> 00:54:17.820 -described I'm not saying she's gross. She calls 00:54:17.820 --> 00:54:21.079 it gross condition It in what appeared to be 00:54:21.079 --> 00:54:23.239 a slip of the tongue Saturday Night Live alumni 00:54:23.239 --> 00:54:26.019 Kate McKinnon Recently revealed to people that 00:54:26.019 --> 00:54:29.480 she has an odd but harmless medical condition 00:54:29.480 --> 00:54:34.019 called Geographic tongue. I looked it up interesting 00:54:35.349 --> 00:54:37.889 I'll just keep going with it. Your tongue sheds 00:54:37.889 --> 00:54:41.130 and patches and looks like an atlas, hence the 00:54:41.130 --> 00:54:45.250 name geographical tongue. McKinnon 41 explained 00:54:45.250 --> 00:54:48.110 this to the mag. She said maybe I shouldn't be 00:54:48.110 --> 00:54:51.570 saying this in a magazine, but she did. The Cleveland 00:54:51.570 --> 00:54:54.409 Clinic estimates that 3 % of people worldwide 00:54:54.409 --> 00:54:58.349 have the condition known scientifically as benign 00:54:58.349 --> 00:55:03.360 migratory glottosis. That I I like geographical 00:55:03.360 --> 00:55:07.380 tongue better. What about you? To be honestly, 00:55:07.380 --> 00:55:12.679 I Misheard I misunderstood what you said The 00:55:12.679 --> 00:55:16.019 scientific name is benign migratory I thought 00:55:16.019 --> 00:55:24.159 you said Tongue tongue Yeah, I see I miss Yeah, 00:55:24.159 --> 00:55:26.519 I don't know I don't have a clue what you're 00:55:26.519 --> 00:55:30.239 talking about now Okay That that approximation 00:55:30.239 --> 00:55:32.940 may be an undercut the clinic noted because patients 00:55:32.940 --> 00:55:36.059 don't always seek medical care Because it may 00:55:36.059 --> 00:55:39.019 be more than 3 % of people, but did you get it? 00:55:39.579 --> 00:55:43.579 Geographical tongue is called that Not the scientific 00:55:43.579 --> 00:55:46.440 name, but it's called that because your tongue 00:55:46.440 --> 00:55:49.019 sheds and patches and it makes it look like an 00:55:49.019 --> 00:55:52.340 atlas Okay, do you get the gist of it now and 00:55:52.340 --> 00:55:55.920 this lady? Saturday Night Live Kate McKinnon 00:55:56.059 --> 00:55:58.760 was talking about it and came forth with it. 00:55:58.920 --> 00:56:01.440 What it really looks like is if a person forgets 00:56:01.440 --> 00:56:03.400 to brush their tongue and they get that slimy 00:56:03.400 --> 00:56:06.099 build up on their tongue, this condition looks 00:56:06.099 --> 00:56:11.260 gross is what she said. Small bumps called papillae 00:56:11.260 --> 00:56:14.960 probably papillae cover the tongue. They help 00:56:14.960 --> 00:56:18.039 grip food for chewing and swallowing and house 00:56:18.039 --> 00:56:23.219 the taste buds. Normal film form papillae are 00:56:23.219 --> 00:56:28.829 a most common type of papillae. So Kate McKinney 00:56:28.829 --> 00:56:33.369 reveals the gross health diagnosis. These thread 00:56:33.369 --> 00:56:36.690 -like or cone -shaped structures are on front 00:56:36.690 --> 00:56:39.630 of two -thirds of the tongue. Geographic tongue 00:56:39.630 --> 00:56:44.050 is the loss of normal filiform papillae, resulting 00:56:44.050 --> 00:56:46.789 in irregular smooth and red so -called islands 00:56:46.789 --> 00:56:49.880 surrounded by white or gray borders. these patches 00:56:49.880 --> 00:56:52.800 can change shape and size disappear and reappear 00:56:52.800 --> 00:56:56.179 at any time and in any place on the tongue and 00:56:56.179 --> 00:56:59.960 if you have any questions just google image geographic 00:56:59.960 --> 00:57:03.380 tongue or geographical tongue and you'll get 00:57:03.380 --> 00:57:07.539 tongue as in lalala that like in your mouth tongue 00:57:07.539 --> 00:57:12.340 so all right rob yeah i thought you were talking 00:57:12.340 --> 00:57:16.980 about the weight time that's what i heard was 00:57:16.980 --> 00:57:23.340 time Okay Well, I'm glad you said that because 00:57:23.340 --> 00:57:26.420 here's why Some other people might have heard 00:57:26.420 --> 00:57:28.639 ton also and being confused of them. What the 00:57:28.639 --> 00:57:32.679 hell is he talking about? So, thank you Yeah 00:57:32.679 --> 00:57:37.300 All right, Rob we we take this to you once again 00:57:41.159 --> 00:57:45.599 Well, I mean I got a bunch of new sexual positions 00:57:45.599 --> 00:57:57.099 That are covered in the new Okay, all right I 00:57:57.099 --> 00:57:59.400 was planning on doing it on the show here after 00:57:59.400 --> 00:59:01.440 you get done Mm -hmm. with the President's son. 00:59:11.420 --> 00:59:14.900 He first revealed that he smoked at the White 00:59:14.900 --> 00:59:19.500 House back in his 1988 autobiography where he 00:59:19.500 --> 00:59:23.679 said that he was wet on the roof by an anonymous 00:59:23.679 --> 01:01:02.650 servant at the White House. Wow No, it does not. 01:01:02.809 --> 01:01:04.369 As a matter of fact, I think he'd do it again 01:01:04.369 --> 01:01:07.710 if he had the opportunity, it sounds like. And 01:01:07.710 --> 01:01:14.849 quote, he says, oh, we had a ball. That's funnier 01:01:14.849 --> 01:01:20.750 than hell. All right, go Chip Carter. Yay. Did 01:01:20.750 --> 01:01:24.949 you say that's his name, Chip? Yeah, Chip. OK, 01:01:24.949 --> 01:01:27.579 Chip Carter. All right. I wonder if he's even 01:01:27.579 --> 01:01:29.920 alive. I mean, Jimmy Carter lived to be 100. 01:01:29.940 --> 01:01:33.880 He may not even be alive. Hey, God, real quick, 01:01:33.900 --> 01:01:40.800 let's check it out. Yeah, Willie is. Hell, he's, 01:01:40.800 --> 01:01:47.239 yeah, he's always gonna be alive. Okay, no, he's, 01:01:47.519 --> 01:01:52.940 no, he's still alive. He's close to 80 years 01:01:52.940 --> 01:01:58.690 old. Oh, no, no, no, he's 74. And his oldest 01:01:58.690 --> 01:02:01.570 one is 77. That's who I thought it was John William 01:02:01.570 --> 01:02:05.809 Jack Carter James Earl Chip Carter the third 01:02:05.809 --> 01:02:10.909 74 You know what he has a ton of kids fuck it 01:02:10.909 --> 01:02:17.070 I'm done Yeah, he was busy with June Carter was 01:02:17.070 --> 01:02:22.690 it or Roslyn Roslyn Carter. I think okay. All 01:02:22.690 --> 01:02:24.429 right, whatever the fuck her name was he was 01:02:24.429 --> 01:02:35.039 busy with her That's right and Roslyn Yeah, okay. 01:02:35.300 --> 01:02:40.119 Yep. Alrighty we will be right back with some 01:02:40.119 --> 01:02:43.219 a new list of sexual positions that have been 01:02:43.219 --> 01:02:47.280 accepted into the Cambridge dictionary, I believe 01:02:47.280 --> 01:02:49.539 is what is one of the dictionaries that are like 01:02:49.539 --> 01:02:51.159 recognized I think it might be in Cambridge, 01:02:51.179 --> 01:02:53.559 but if I'm wrong, forgive me But these are the 01:02:53.559 --> 01:02:56.460 new sexual positions their names and the description 01:02:56.460 --> 01:03:08.099 that I got So we'll be right back. This here 01:03:08.099 --> 01:03:10.699 podcast has Mark's personal stamp of approval. 01:03:11.719 --> 01:03:13.760 The only problem is Mark likes to spit on his 01:03:13.760 --> 01:03:26.150 stamps and he's a horrible aim. But not here 01:03:26.150 --> 01:03:28.670 at Two Deuce Bags Microphone. Here at Two Deuce 01:03:28.670 --> 01:03:31.369 Bags Microphone, we question everything. That's 01:03:31.369 --> 01:03:33.130 why we have a little segment we like to call, 01:03:33.510 --> 01:03:37.170 I call bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. 01:03:38.409 --> 01:03:41.030 So let's get this straight. Walmart has settled 01:03:41.030 --> 01:03:44.510 a 45 million dollar lawsuit over alleged overcharging 01:03:44.510 --> 01:03:48.349 customers with weight deception. Walmart claims 01:03:48.349 --> 01:03:51.389 they had no wrongdoing. OK, let's say you're 01:03:51.389 --> 01:03:54.489 going down a 55 mile stretch of a highway. You're 01:03:54.489 --> 01:03:57.710 going exactly 55 miles an hour. The cop stops 01:03:57.710 --> 01:04:00.750 you and says you are not going over the speed 01:04:00.750 --> 01:04:03.190 limit But I'd like to write you a ticket anyhow 01:04:03.190 --> 01:04:07.010 Would you agree to that? No fucking way. Would 01:04:07.010 --> 01:04:09.829 you agree to that? So in my opinion Walmart is 01:04:09.829 --> 01:04:12.469 full of shit This is a company that has allegedly 01:04:12.469 --> 01:04:15.230 paid as little as possible for their help Notorious 01:04:15.230 --> 01:04:18.030 for employees not given a shit now. They're innocent. 01:04:18.030 --> 01:04:21.250 I call bullshit and the story Walmart you suck 01:04:21.369 --> 01:04:23.329 And now you try to get people to inspect your 01:04:23.329 --> 01:04:25.829 seat and shopping bags on the way out? I don't 01:04:25.829 --> 01:04:28.369 pay a membership, assholes. I don't have to consent 01:04:28.369 --> 01:04:30.989 to this bullshit. I have a simple solution. How 01:04:30.989 --> 01:04:34.190 about I stop all trade with you? One day, you 01:04:34.190 --> 01:04:36.150 will be an afterthought, and as soon as people 01:04:36.150 --> 01:04:38.530 wake up, you will no longer be in existence. 01:04:38.889 --> 01:04:42.469 Walmart, here's a big fuck you. Tomorrow morning, 01:04:42.489 --> 01:04:44.670 while grinding your coffee beans for your double 01:04:44.670 --> 01:04:47.670 mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals 01:04:47.670 --> 01:04:51.190 caught in the grinder. It really hurts. who can 01:04:51.190 --> 01:04:54.650 afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone. 01:04:56.170 --> 01:04:59.170 Jamar Chase, what in the hell did you say this 01:04:59.170 --> 01:05:01.989 time? This idea has worked out so well for you 01:05:01.989 --> 01:05:04.989 in the past. Just go ahead, fat mouth one of 01:05:04.989 --> 01:05:06.889 the all -time greatest quarterbacks in the league 01:05:06.889 --> 01:05:10.389 ever. Your quote was, without Kelsey, Mahomes 01:05:10.389 --> 01:05:12.550 is just another Kirk Cousins with a headband. 01:05:13.369 --> 01:05:16.389 Well then, Mr. Chase, you should know Kirk Cousins 01:05:16.389 --> 01:05:18.909 very well. You and him have the same amount of 01:05:18.909 --> 01:05:22.840 rings. You remind us of a little lap dog nipping 01:05:22.840 --> 01:05:29.880 at the heels of your daddy Jam X What the hell 01:05:29.880 --> 01:05:37.519 happened? You were the generation of change You 01:05:37.519 --> 01:05:41.079 never wanted to be one of them at the feet spoke 01:05:41.079 --> 01:05:47.440 for you Fuck the man fuck the system What the 01:05:47.440 --> 01:05:52.079 hell happened? The generation of angst. The generation 01:05:52.079 --> 01:05:57.239 of non -compliance. Is now buying a boat. You're 01:05:57.239 --> 01:05:59.460 really fed up to kill someone dangled a dollar 01:05:59.460 --> 01:06:03.920 near you. Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined. 01:06:06.780 --> 01:06:09.639 Our constant pursuit for a real knee -slapper. 01:06:10.320 --> 01:06:14.119 It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity. 01:06:14.780 --> 01:06:19.900 May, every time. You put on latex gloves. Your 01:06:19.900 --> 01:06:25.639 hands be wet. I smell bacon! No, Wade. It's just 01:06:25.639 --> 01:06:37.079 Mark sweating. Two douchebags and microphone 01:06:37.079 --> 01:06:39.179 on Mark here in the Kansas City area. The talk 01:06:39.179 --> 01:06:53.960 is cheap studio. these are the new sexual positions 01:06:53.960 --> 01:06:56.860 that actually have been admitted to a dictionary 01:06:56.860 --> 01:07:00.860 and they um and they have a name and they have 01:07:00.860 --> 01:07:05.039 a description in this dictionary so thanks remember 01:07:05.039 --> 01:07:10.320 princess is here okay um will she care she's 01:07:10.320 --> 01:07:14.500 not she's not listening i am okay um the first 01:07:14.500 --> 01:07:22.170 one no no no go on go on go on okay I can tell 01:07:22.170 --> 01:07:24.869 you sound quite jovial. Life is going good. Life 01:07:24.869 --> 01:07:26.949 is going good right now. That's great to hear 01:07:26.949 --> 01:07:31.269 Rob. I'm extremely happy for you. Helicopter. 01:07:31.369 --> 01:07:34.710 Both partners are on their hands and knees facing 01:07:34.710 --> 01:07:37.809 away from one another. The penetrating partner 01:07:37.809 --> 01:07:40.769 lifts their legs off the ground and thrusts from 01:07:40.769 --> 01:07:44.550 behind. I don't know if I can do that. That's 01:07:44.550 --> 01:07:47.250 too much fucking work. Yeah. Yeah, that's too 01:07:47.250 --> 01:07:48.929 much work. That's young man's game right there. 01:07:48.929 --> 01:07:53.409 That's too much work. That's not a guy with a 01:07:53.409 --> 01:07:56.750 fucked up shoulder in a in a in a new knee that's 01:07:56.750 --> 01:08:00.829 not his game That's a fresh set of legs fucking 01:08:00.829 --> 01:08:05.230 young guys. All right the next one standard Amazon 01:08:05.230 --> 01:08:09.289 a cowgirl style position in which the standard 01:08:09.289 --> 01:08:16.369 Amazon a cowgirl a cowgirl style position in 01:08:16.369 --> 01:08:18.710 which the penetrating partner lies on their back 01:08:18.710 --> 01:08:21.310 and with knees to their chest while the other 01:08:21.310 --> 01:08:26.029 partner squats down to mount them. This again 01:08:26.029 --> 01:08:33.869 sounds like too much work. The next one Rob is 01:08:33.869 --> 01:08:36.970 called the pile driver. Now I might like this 01:08:36.970 --> 01:08:40.430 one. I think this one's been around since day 01:08:40.430 --> 01:08:43.430 one but we'll go over it just in case it's not 01:08:43.430 --> 01:08:46.479 what we think. The receiving partner lies on 01:08:46.479 --> 01:08:49.399 their back with legs raised and positioned over 01:08:49.399 --> 01:08:52.899 their head allowing for a deep downward angle 01:08:52.899 --> 01:08:56.380 penetration from the squatting or standing partner. 01:08:57.560 --> 01:08:59.460 Yeah, that's pretty close to what I thought it 01:08:59.460 --> 01:09:05.539 was. I got news for these youngsters. Piledriver's 01:09:05.539 --> 01:09:07.979 been around since the din of time. Yeah, everyone 01:09:07.979 --> 01:09:12.760 knows Piledriver. So, yeah. This next one I love 01:09:12.760 --> 01:09:15.359 the name of it. We'll see how good it is four 01:09:15.359 --> 01:09:22.460 on the floor Like an old stick shift four on 01:09:22.460 --> 01:09:37.199 the floor Okay, this is four on the floor it's 01:09:37.199 --> 01:09:40.119 a variation or reverse cowgirl where your top 01:09:40.119 --> 01:09:42.560 partner leans forward and places their hands 01:09:42.560 --> 01:09:45.760 on the floor for a deep stretch. The position 01:09:45.760 --> 01:09:50.140 can offer easier access to the anus pen and, 01:09:50.140 --> 01:09:58.699 what is it, perineum. Who comes up with this 01:09:58.699 --> 01:10:01.180 shit? I'll tell her after we get off the show. 01:10:03.260 --> 01:10:18.229 Reverse cowgirl, hands on the floor. Rob, I'm 01:10:18.229 --> 01:10:20.210 glad you're marrying her. I was going to tell 01:10:20.210 --> 01:10:29.310 you to if I heard that. Good job, Rob. Good job. 01:10:29.609 --> 01:10:35.609 Keep her. This next one is called a pretzel dip. 01:10:41.710 --> 01:10:43.630 I think this is another one that, like, it's 01:10:43.630 --> 01:10:45.550 a young man's game. It's stuff like, you know, 01:10:45.670 --> 01:10:54.489 people that hurt that, you know... Yeah, there's 01:10:54.489 --> 01:10:56.750 not enough ibuprofen in the whole world to cover 01:10:56.750 --> 01:11:00.350 this, so, for me. Uh, one partner lies on their 01:11:00.350 --> 01:11:02.710 side with their top leg spread or wrapped around 01:11:02.710 --> 01:11:05.550 their partner's waist. The other partner faces 01:11:05.550 --> 01:11:08.170 them and straddles their bottom leg to penetrate. 01:11:10.569 --> 01:11:20.920 Yep. Alright, the next one is called a ballet 01:11:20.920 --> 01:11:24.239 partner a Stand in position where one partner 01:11:24.239 --> 01:11:26.939 lifts and wraps a leg around the others. Oh, 01:11:26.979 --> 01:11:30.220 no. I already do that No, that's a pretzel dip. 01:11:30.720 --> 01:11:36.079 Oh Okay, this seems like the last one Okay. Yeah, 01:11:36.239 --> 01:11:38.720 and this one I think is to a standard position 01:11:38.720 --> 01:11:41.630 where one partner lifts Wraps a leg around the 01:11:41.630 --> 01:11:44.909 other's waist or thigh for a close quick interaction. 01:11:45.069 --> 01:11:51.449 Oh, okay. That's okay No, you're a man That's 01:11:51.449 --> 01:11:58.550 just gonna That's kind of depends to that, you 01:11:58.550 --> 01:12:01.630 know, did you work all day if you worked all 01:12:01.630 --> 01:12:08.000 day? You know what you're right Yeah, you know, 01:12:08.420 --> 01:12:11.359 forget it. Yeah, I'm out too. Yeah, forget it. 01:12:11.659 --> 01:12:14.319 Yeah, but... The next one is... Try everything 01:12:14.319 --> 01:12:16.960 with your clothes on in case you look bad naked. 01:12:18.880 --> 01:12:21.899 I imagine you could improvise and, I don't know, 01:12:22.979 --> 01:12:25.500 wear something. Don't you think, Rob? A fig leaf? 01:12:27.420 --> 01:12:33.319 No? No. Loin cloth? No, that's it. You don't 01:12:33.319 --> 01:12:45.699 get too fast. Okay. How about the snake? An intimate 01:12:45.699 --> 01:12:48.739 variation of doggy style. The receiving partner 01:12:48.739 --> 01:12:51.800 lies face down and the penetrating partner lies 01:12:51.800 --> 01:12:54.600 on top and enters from behind. The receiving 01:12:54.600 --> 01:12:57.119 partner can raise their hips with a pillow to 01:12:57.119 --> 01:13:04.569 adjust the angle. That one's okay. Yeah, that 01:13:04.569 --> 01:13:06.810 one's been around since the dawn of time also 01:13:06.810 --> 01:13:14.850 so How about a coat all alignment technique also 01:13:14.850 --> 01:13:18.890 known as cat an Intimate variation on the missionary 01:13:18.890 --> 01:13:22.510 position uses a rocking or grinding motion for 01:13:22.510 --> 01:13:26.470 constant stimulation the penetrated partner rests 01:13:26.470 --> 01:13:32.039 higher up on and on the other to bring their 01:13:32.039 --> 01:13:35.199 pubic bones into alignment. Sorry, I completely 01:13:35.199 --> 01:13:38.500 fucked that up, so let me do that again. The 01:13:38.500 --> 01:13:40.800 Coetal Alignment Technique, also known as CAP, 01:13:40.939 --> 01:13:43.239 the intimate variation on the missionary position 01:13:43.239 --> 01:13:46.619 uses a rocking or grinding motion for consistent 01:13:46.619 --> 01:13:50.600 stimulation. The penetrative partner rests higher 01:13:50.600 --> 01:13:54.340 up on the other to bring their pubic bones into 01:13:54.340 --> 01:14:00.699 alignment. Nope, too much work. Okay, this is 01:14:00.699 --> 01:14:06.159 group or multi -person Possessions, okay? So 01:14:06.159 --> 01:14:08.640 like if you got something crazy going on downstairs 01:14:08.640 --> 01:14:11.380 or something these are the ones you turn to all 01:14:11.380 --> 01:14:14.779 right The Eiffel Tower. Oh, I know this one the 01:14:14.779 --> 01:14:18.600 Eiffel Tower. I think you do too, right? A threesome 01:14:18.600 --> 01:14:21.720 position where one person is on all fours and 01:14:21.720 --> 01:14:24.539 two partners stand behind and in front of them 01:14:24.590 --> 01:14:27.210 the second partner performs oral sex while the 01:14:27.210 --> 01:14:29.529 third penetrates from behind yeah and then they 01:14:29.529 --> 01:14:31.810 they kind of meet up in the air and make it look 01:14:31.810 --> 01:14:36.609 like an eiffel tower oh okay yeah yeah yeah yeah 01:14:36.609 --> 01:14:39.449 yeah yeah yeah yeah that's that's the dawn of 01:14:39.449 --> 01:14:41.890 time too and i think it's been called the eiffel 01:14:41.890 --> 01:14:45.869 tower yeah yeah uh the next one is the pisces 01:14:46.250 --> 01:14:49.510 A variation of 69 in which one partner sits on 01:14:49.510 --> 01:14:52.569 a bed and holds the other partner who is inverted 01:14:52.569 --> 01:14:55.810 and being given oral sex. The upside down partner 01:14:55.810 --> 01:14:58.369 wraps her legs around the sitting partner's head. 01:15:00.250 --> 01:15:06.729 No, not for me. You? I'm out on that one. I am 01:15:06.729 --> 01:15:10.989 a Pisces. Do you think you can do the Pisces? 01:15:22.100 --> 01:15:28.279 This is a special mention. There's two of them 01:15:28.279 --> 01:15:30.659 that aren't actually in the dictionary, but they 01:15:30.659 --> 01:15:33.180 are recognized as a position because they're 01:15:33.180 --> 01:15:36.880 very popular. The bridge. The receiving partner 01:15:36.880 --> 01:15:39.340 lies on her back with her feet flat, lifting 01:15:39.340 --> 01:15:41.989 their hips into a bridge pose. The Penetrating 01:15:41.989 --> 01:15:44.909 Partner enters from above. The position has been 01:15:44.909 --> 01:15:49.149 a top search term in 2025. So the bridge is something 01:15:49.149 --> 01:15:52.430 people are looking at. Yeah, the bridge has been 01:15:52.430 --> 01:15:54.649 a long time. Yeah, I didn't know it's called 01:15:54.649 --> 01:15:56.689 the bridge. But I mean, yeah, it's been around 01:15:56.689 --> 01:16:00.010 since day one. Yeah, well, that's what I'm calling 01:16:00.010 --> 01:16:03.229 now that you called it that. Okay, here's here's 01:16:03.229 --> 01:16:05.090 this is the last one. I love the name of this. 01:16:05.390 --> 01:16:08.069 It's called a full Nelson. I think I got an idea. 01:16:08.149 --> 01:16:12.399 We all know what a full Nelson is, right? Okay 01:16:12.399 --> 01:16:15.060 a dominant position where the receivers partners 01:16:15.060 --> 01:16:18.600 arms are pinned above their head Yeah, that's 01:16:18.600 --> 01:16:20.659 been around since the dawn of time also, but 01:16:20.659 --> 01:16:23.800 you know what cool. I'm glad it's getting mentioned 01:16:23.800 --> 01:16:27.979 Yeah, yeah, yeah that just happens during the 01:16:27.979 --> 01:16:30.239 course of and nobody really had a name for it 01:16:30.239 --> 01:16:38.579 before right Rob, we turn to you if you got something 01:16:38.579 --> 01:16:41.079 or if you're tired, I understand and we can end 01:16:41.079 --> 01:16:45.140 it. No, I got one more here I want to talk about. 01:16:45.439 --> 01:16:53.100 All right. Uh, the poo universe. The what universe? 01:16:53.279 --> 01:16:59.239 Is it poo? Is it, when is it poo? Oh, okay. Okay. 01:16:59.819 --> 01:17:02.399 You're going to get to where I'm going here. 01:17:02.880 --> 01:17:16.960 Okay. Okay, and it looks like your next nightmare 01:17:16.960 --> 01:17:22.220 a Nightmare on Elm Street legend Robert England 01:17:22.220 --> 01:17:26.779 is voicing the cricket cricket in the upcoming 01:17:26.779 --> 01:17:31.640 war movie Pinocchio on string this would be wrong. 01:17:31.880 --> 01:17:34.060 This would be Freddy Krueger the guy that plays 01:17:34.060 --> 01:18:51.239 Freddy Krueger Okay. Nice. Oh, and you can get 01:18:51.239 --> 01:18:57.720 the pic on Twitter. Just saying. OK. I ain't 01:18:57.720 --> 01:19:03.479 gonna read the whole thing. OK, cool. What jumps 01:19:03.479 --> 01:19:07.439 out in these images is how aggressively anti 01:19:07.439 --> 01:20:39.449 -cute the design goes. Hmm. Okay, okay all the 01:20:39.449 --> 01:20:47.229 fairy tale movies that have turned into Like 01:20:47.229 --> 01:20:54.090 horror movies, uh -huh, there's a whole Line 01:20:54.090 --> 01:20:57.869 of them. Yeah, the movie universe the win is 01:20:57.869 --> 01:21:10.970 a movie. It was pretty gruesome It's like the 01:21:10.970 --> 01:21:15.590 Winnie the Pooh one that was a horror movie. 01:21:16.029 --> 01:21:21.390 This is with that line of movies. Yeah, I gotcha. 01:21:22.489 --> 01:21:28.489 Okay, and now it's Pinocchio. Okay. And Robert 01:21:28.489 --> 01:21:33.789 Engle plays Jiminy Crooked. That's cool. Yeah. 01:21:34.510 --> 01:21:37.850 Alright. That's gonna be cool. Yeah, it will 01:21:37.850 --> 01:21:41.250 be. I'd like to watch it. Thank you, Rob. All 01:21:41.250 --> 01:21:46.050 right. Hi, Albuquerque. Hi, Hicksville. Hi, Grandma 01:21:46.050 --> 01:21:49.869 Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Ricky, every fucking buddy. 01:21:50.010 --> 01:21:52.949 Love you guys. Thank you for listening. Good 01:21:52.949 --> 01:21:57.189 night, assholes. Thank you for listening, everybody. 01:21:57.670 --> 01:22:01.989 Especially Grandma Opal. Yep. Love you guys. 01:22:02.550 --> 01:22:06.909 Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the 01:22:06.909 --> 01:22:10.149 show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea 01:22:10.149 --> 01:22:13.930 and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. 01:22:14.090 --> 01:22:16.250 They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.