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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
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admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. Sir, I see your
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it was only one time in summer camp. I considered
it experimental. And now, Deep Thoughts with
Mark. Hmm. Does a straw have one hole? Or does
it have two? Hmm. I may never know. Sometimes
Mark appears to be in deep thoughts. Usually
he is contemplating whether to squeeze a toot
out or save it up for a better place. But I digress.
Sometimes he does occasionally have a deep thought.
Now we look in on his brilliance. What if I learned
telepathy? And then I tried to talk to random
people. How would I know if they're ignoring
me? I guess some questions are greater than mankind.
Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard. It's
also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen.
But Mark would like to tell you, if you see any
pictures of him roofing ibuprofen. It's obviously
fake, and you're to take the pictures and tear
them up immediately. My mechanic told me I couldn't
repair your brakes. So I made you a horn ladder.
Good job. Hey, my fellow heavy breeders, this
is Dash Riptide, your music news. Graham Bonnet
Band is currently working on their fourth album.
Graham said it's very possible Bruce Dickinson
might guest on a song or two on his new album.
Bruce is a big fan of Graham's ever since his
days in Rainbow. Two fantastic lead singers in
one song kind of reminds me of Deep Purple's
Mark III lineup with Glenn Hughes and David Coverdale.
This should be pretty damn good. We will see.
This is Gash Rooktyne, and that was your music
news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear
damage, just like me. Well, I'm going to apologize
right off the bat because I am very unorganized
today. I just had so much stuff that I had to
do. It's called adulting, dude. It's called adulting.
So we went, I worked all day yesterday, and then
I went over to Topher's, me and Val did, Topher
and Cindy's and our friends, and we watched the
football game. And anyhow, I'm not worried about
the Chiefs. A lot of people are, but I'm not.
You know, both games I could have won, but, I
mean, you got people like Travis Kelsey dropping
the fucking balls all the time. Yeah, you know,
he makes a lot of money. He should not be dropping
fucking balls. I'm sorry. If he's distracted,
then step down. But anyhow, that's, you know
what, that's for the sports bastards. So went
and watched that game that they should have won
again. And everything, you know, so then they,
you know, they lost. So we're like, okay, you
know, at least we got a good concert to go to.
So Topher and I went to go see Jerry Cantrell.
of Alice in Chains. And he put on an excellent
show. I really enjoyed him. His guitar sounded
great. Now, okay, the opening band, Sparta, they're
from El Paso, Texas. They've been around since
like 2001 or 2. They've been around a while.
I've heard of them. Yeah, they never like hit
huge, but... They were an ancillary band. I mean,
you know, people have heard of them that have
been around, like you and me, and they're not
bad. They had a couple of hits that I did recognize
was radio -friendly for, you know, back in the
2000s sometime, early, you know, 2005, whatever.
So there's a couple of songs there that Topher
and I are like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,
we didn't know they sang this. All right, we've
heard this. And they played... They played about
seven songs, but we'll get to that here in a
minute because I have a question for you here
in a little bit about opening bands and what
you think. Okay, Rob. So Jerry Cantrell, he played
for over an hour and a half. He hit a lot of
the classic Alice in Chains hits. It was great.
I mean, you know, he played a lot of stuff. I
mean, a lot of their songs, you know, of course,
Wood. Let's see, what else? Man in the Box, Rooster.
He played the stuff that people would have been
like, oh, hell yeah, you know, remember. But
he also played a good variety of stuff off his
solo albums, which I'd never really heard before.
And it's good. I mean, you know, there's no real
difference to me between Alice in Chains and
Jerry Cantrell because he is their sound. You
know, that guitar is their sound. Yeah, Lane
Staley was brilliant at what he did and all that.
But, I mean, I can kind of compare it to Zach
Sabbath. You know, Zach Wild sounds enough like
Ozzy to pull it off. Well, this is the same with
Jerry Cantrell. He sounds enough like Lane Staley
to pull it off. And he did it very well. His
voice, he has to be careful because... He doesn't
have a singing voice, so you're not going to
hear him over singing or pushing too much. He
just kind of, he's kind of a quieter singer that
can do it enough to be enjoyable. You know what
I'm saying? You know, he doesn't come out and
just take it by the horns and, like, start doing
some of that, you know, the long, deep belts
that, you know. that Lane Staley could have done.
But it was excellent. Really enjoyed it. So like
I said, he played for an hour and a half. No
mosh pit. Mostly guys like Topher and I just
trying not to get hurt. Right, right. You work
too old these days. You can see the looks on
their face. They're like looking around going,
man, no shenanigans. There better not be any.
There better not be any because I got to work
in the morning. Okay, so don't run into me. Don't
spill your beer on me. I don't need to get stopped
on the way out. Come on, let's just all be cool.
Yeah, yeah. We're over it. It sucks. But, yeah,
it wasn't a lot of crowd surfing or nothing like
that. But, anyhow, we get there, and they upgraded
us, which was excellent. I couldn't believe it.
It was always nice. Yeah, it was. They upgraded
us to a lot better seats way up front. I mean,
our seats were not bad. We were on the floor
in the middle, right behind the sound cage, the
mixing boards and all that. It was great seats.
But the guy said, we'll probably upgrade you
here in a little bit. And then the lady walked
up and she goes, hey, she can upgrade you right
now. I'm like, oh, okay. So the whole thought
is the stuff underneath the balcony back there,
They don't like people being under there because
the bands like to see the people. So they'll
take all of those people. I'm starting to learn
this now. If you're going to buy floor seats,
buy it underneath the balcony because they'll
usually move you up unless it's all full, which
is rare anymore. Only huge acts, big acts sell
out anymore. These acts like this, they don't.
They may have good attendance, but they're not
going to sell out. So they moved us up. They
will have extra seats. Yeah, to move us up. So
it was great. So, you know, I would love to crowd
surf just one time, but I'm afraid of getting
my oil checked. What can you do about that? You
know, there you are up there. You're at the mercy
of their fingers. Right? I know. Yeah. To me,
that's scary. It's like, oh, cool, cool, cool.
Hey! Hey, who the fuck did that? Hey, come on
now. So, anyhow. So, it was just like a bunch
of people with huge amounts of ibuprofen they
just took, like us. So, anyhow. So, like I said,
the opening man, Sparta, they were good. They
played seven songs. Okay. To me, seven is the
tilt. I think an opening band should not go over
six songs, and I think the seventh one they wear
out, they're welcome. What do you think? What
do you think is the limit of an opening band?
It depends on the show. If it's a really well
-known opening band, then yes, of course. Yeah,
I'm like you. If it was a band like you said,
Sparta. Six would probably be max. Yeah, yeah,
they went to seven. But if they threw in one
at the end that people knew, I could give them
a seven. But yeah, I'm right there with you.
Six, seven. No name bad. I've got to admit, though,
they did pull it off because everybody seemed
pretty happy with the seven stars. And they got
a standing ovation. I mean, people jumped up
and started clapping and thanking, you know.
So they did well. There you go. That's all that
matters. Yep. So anybody was happy. But to me,
like, if it was any more after seven, I would
have been like, fuck this. Yeah, eight, nine.
Yeah, no, it didn't do much. It's the shit you
don't know at that point, you know. Exactly.
And then you're kind of like, okay, I've had
enough, you know. So they stretch it out too
far. Right. So I was wondering, you know, the
music before the concert, who the hell picks
that? You know what I mean? Like, who picks the
music that they play? Because sometimes it's
really good. This was interesting. They play
like an obscure Doors song where Ray Manzarek
was just going nutso. Do what? No, no, no, no.
I'm listening. Okay, well, and then they went
to an obscure Judas Priest song. Topher and I
could not recognize it, but we recognized Rob
Halford. And it wasn't one of his other bands
like 2 or 5 or nothing like that. It was definitely
Judas Priest. But we could not, we could not
nail down the song. So whoever came up with this
music was like really into this stuff because...
They didn't play anything that you heard on the
radio. They played stuff that only geeks would
fucking know. You know what I mean? Right. And
it was past YouTube? Yeah, that's insane. Yeah,
it is. Topher and I are both like, well, that's
definitely Rob Halford. And that's not one of
his other bands. That's Judas Priest. And we
could not figure it out. And then The Doors.
Listen, I mean, yeah, I like The Doors. But I
wasn't obsessed with them like some people I
knew. Right. So I probably heard that song before.
Not for sure. But it was cool. But it didn't
make me like, yeah, it's The Doors. Hoo -hoo.
You know, or nothing like that. But it was interesting.
All right. So. I was wondering who picks the
music that plays the venues before the concert.
So I looked it up. The artists or their management
typically picks the music played before a concert,
sometimes providing a laptop or a phone with
a playlist. While the venue may have its own
pre -mixed soundtrack, the music is often chosen
to complement the performing artist's style or
the event's overall atmosphere. Right. Okay,
I get that. You know, Jerry Cantrell and the
electronics he uses, he uses a wah -wah pedal
a lot, which is old. You know, a wah -wah pedal's
been around in the 60s. I mean, people like Eric
Clapton, you know, made their sound off of a
wah -wah pedal. You know, Peter Frampton. There's
a lot of people that play the wah -wah pedal.
So Jerry Cantrell is kind of like... That's like
Frampton. Oh, yeah, Frampton, yeah. So the wah
-wah pedal, he plays a lot of it in his music.
So he would kind of be a throwback guitarist.
So I guess that's kind of why he had throwback
songs. And I would think that probably him or
someone close to him picked him out. Because
after I thought about it, I was like, you know,
he is more of a 70s style of a guitarist. Yeah,
he didn't sound like the 80s guy. No hammer -ons,
no taps, no harmonics, none of that. Just wah
-wah pedal and a lot of good grinding fucking
chords. So he did great, and we had a great time,
and we made it home in one piece, and that was
good. I got to go to work today, and I didn't
hurt you. I'm guessing you made it home in one
piece. I'm talking to you. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty
bad when, you know, you're like, whenever you
go out, you're like, geez, I hope it doesn't
get crazy, man. I've got to work in the morning.
It's just such a different thing anymore. You
know, I used to hear that all the time. You wait
until you get older. Well. Dude, we had bike
tests down here this weekend. Oh, how was it?
I went out. I stayed at fucking home. I don't
blame you. Well, I went over and worked on the
house. getting out in that piece of shit. I know
a lot of people that went down to Bagel Dam,
down to the big rock, you know. No, I'm wanting
to get more into the woods. You know what? I
don't blame you at all. And like I said, one
of these days I'll be back out there, but right
now I can't where I work. I work in the city,
in the inner city, and I love what I do. And
it's a great job. And you've got a good location
for where you're going. Yeah, so I can't really
move to where I want to right now. But later
on, we plan on going back south. But you know
what? That's neither here nor there. Right, right,
right. Okay. You know I'm a fan of Bubba the
Love Sponge, right? Yes, you are. Well, I don't
listen to him as much as I used to, but I still
enjoy the show. I just don't have time like I
used to. Well, I'll listen to him going to work
and coming home. And other than that, you know,
I mean, if I'm doing something around the yard
or something, maybe if I got my headphones on,
I'll listen. You know the whole thing with him
and Hulk Hogan sleeping with his wife, right?
Yeah. And it was sanctioned by him because he
was on that tape going, all right, well, I'll
be in my office or something like that, right?
And then he said that it was captured by his
surveillance system, and that's how come the
CD was made and all that stuff. There are a lot
of questions of why it was made and all that,
and I'm not going to get into any of that. And
it doesn't matter to me because, so I watched,
he had this documentary coming out that would
explain everything even better. So it's called
Video Killed the Radio Star. I can't imagine
that. I know. And it debuted last Friday. I thought
it was well done. I think it gave a really good
picture of all the tomfuckery that happened involving
that tape. You know, he had some co -workers
steal it to get, you know, and they're going
to try to extort money from Hulk Hogan. Then
they had a big bust, right? And they had a sting
operation and they caught the people, you know,
one of them was a guy that used to work for him.
They caught him trying to sell the tape to somebody
and then a big sting operation and all that.
So then I guess since they couldn't, they couldn't
sell the tape because they didn't have any release
forms from the two subjects involved in the tape.
So they couldn't do anything with the tape, and
that's how Gawker got sued, and it was out of
business and all that stuff. But it was interesting,
not only all the tomfuckery that happened, and
they linked it to where there was a deal cut.
over the Stormy Daniels because Bubba had her
on the show and she was talking about... Yeah,
yeah. Yeah. And there was a link between that
about how they got the tape and tried to charge
Trump with all that. And I'm not even really
sure what the hell happened with that. I just
know it's not going on now. So, anyhow, a lot
of it was because of Bubba because he had her
on his program. But here's something that I didn't
realize, and I thought this was very peculiar,
but I didn't realize I watched the movie, but
it not just alluded, I put down here alluded,
but it really went to the fact that they flat
out said this, that, you know, Sirius XM, Bubba
was fired from Terrestrial Radio. I think it
was Clear Channel. He had the highest one -time
indecency fine ever of $750 ,000. Yes, it was
Clear Channel. I'll back you up on that. Okay,
Clear Channel fired him. And so it took like
a year or so. But then when Howard Stern left
regular radio, CBS I believe it was. Went to
Sirius. Yeah, went to Sirius XM. And Bubba was
going to go there, but then they were in negotiations
with Stern. So Stern said, you know what? He
said, I want two channels, and on one of the
channels, I want some of these people who have
been exiled from regular radio, you know, due
to their content and getting fired or whatever.
So he hired Bubba, and he wanted Bubba on the
afternoons on his channel, and he got him. So,
but then I guess, and I thought this was peculiar
because he's the guy that wanted Bubba and had
him picked out and had SiriusXM, you know, negotiate
a deal with him. But I guess that Bubba was getting
so much traction and was getting so popular that
they felt like he was a threat to Howard Stern.
So then they had SiriusXM come back. This, according
to them, okay, and Lobald. his signing for another
contract, to where they figured that he would
probably go ahead and leave, which he did, because
it went from like a million a year to I think
like 100 ,000 a year or something like that.
Yeah, something like that, yeah. Yeah, and Bubba's
like, no, I'm not doing that. But I guess it
was the way they made this sound, and like I
said, this is what they said, Stern was doing
that because... He didn't like the fact that
another show was so popular on his platform.
And I was like, man, that fucking sucks. Well,
that'd be like us letting Mitch put a show on
our platform and it takes off bigger than us.
I don't see it happening. I don't see it happening
either. Mitch can barely put a fucking sentence
together. Yeah, that's right. Fuck you, Mitch.
You hate me. You don't waste any time of the
day telling me every time you fucking hate me.
So fuck off. You're an idiot. So idiot. Yeah,
you don't fucking Clint or Mud Tappin'. What
the fuck? Okay, move on. Okay, move on, move
on, move on. Not that there's anything wrong
with that. Did you know that Vince Neal had a
stroke? No. I have not read that. Yep. Well,
the news, there was all this stuff going on.
Remember, they didn't make it to Ozzy's farewell,
right? And they said it's because of health problems
in the band. Yeah, yeah. So Molly is cleared
of that then. Yes, they have been. That's not
the band that was disinvited. I personally think
it was Megadeth under a misunderstanding, but
I don't know for sure. Remember, we thought about
that. Yeah, it was, they sent their agent to
do the deal. Exactly. The agent asked for money.
Probably so. And they were like, no. And that's
what agents do, is they try to get you the best
deal. Right, right, right, right. And the band
didn't even know this was happening. I'm pretty
sure that's what happened, although they didn't
say that. I mean, this is all speculation. We
don't know for sure. But anyhow, okay, when Tom
Morello wanted Jakey Lee to come to it, he didn't
send his manager to talk to him. No, he went
straight to it. He called him up himself. So
this was the type of thing, I think, where you
break out a call. does Sharon or whoever, and
go, hey, I want to be in. What do I have to do?
You see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I think
it's a misunderstanding. But anyhow, Vince Neal
had a stroke. He rehabbed back. He said his original
prognosis was he would never be able to perform
again. So he rehabbed, and he was back on stage
in Vegas for his residency with Motley Crue.
He has odd facial looks and expressions now.
And I'm not kidding you. I watched some of that
footage. Yeah, a stroke will do that to you.
Yes. He is not fully recovered. He said he was
going to, and he was going to be good enough
to be on stage again, and he, you know, and that
he was going to. He's pushing himself. I think
he is. And he does not look well at all. I hope.
Well, only time will tell, my friend. No, you're
right. Listen, I make fun of Vince regularly
because... Well, yeah, because he's Vince. Yeah,
he's in the entertainment business. Love the
guy, but he's in the entertainment business.
And if you don't care enough to take care of
yourself, you're in the entertainment business.
I don't think you have any business being there.
And you go from looking like you're one of the
sexiest... guys in the world to looking like
the Dutch boy paint guy. Come on, man. The Dutch
boy paint guy is fucking, what's his name, Axl
Rose. But yeah, you're right. Yeah, but they're
close enough. Yes. They both are looking about
the same, to be honest. Yeah. Both of them were
the best looking dudes in the business at the
time. Yep. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yep. Yep. Meanwhile,
guys are like us. We never had it. We're still
going downhill from there. Yeah. Yeah. You know
what? I mean, yeah. Yeah. At least he done it.
That's a lot to be said. Yeah. At least I did
it. Yeah. Yep. Did you listen? Yeah. Kudos to
Vince. But, you know, I mean, I hope when he's
rehabbing, he bothers. to maybe get in shape
a little bit better so he can look better on
stage and not have the crowd sing most of the
song for him. Right, right, right. Which is so
fucking annoying. It is so annoying, I can't
stand it. It's like, look, sing the song yourself.
If it sucks, that's okay. We don't care. But
we came here to watch. We didn't come here to
sing. Not interact. Yeah, not interact. And most
bands have pulled away from that. They realize
that people get tired of it, and they're like,
yeah, I'm not doing this, you know. And it's
just like raise your hands in the air. That only
lasts about 20 seconds, and everybody's like,
I'm not doing it anymore. Yeah. So, especially
our age. It's kind of like, okay, there you go.
There you go. Now it's 10 seconds. Now you've
got blood flow. Yeah, yeah. It's like 10 seconds
of, whoo, yeah, and then that's it. It's like,
okay, I'm done. Elbows giving out. Yeah, we got
to lower these arms. Yeah, yeah, that's it. So,
anyhow, I hope Vince gets better and he starts
doing something to make himself better performer.
But, you know, main thing is his health. Yes.
I don't want to think. wishing the best. We grew
up on them. I would love to see him do well.
And I would love to see Nicky quit being what
I don't like. Right, right, right. He's a wine
baby. Yeah, yeah. The guy that used to stick
his fist in the air and say, you know, fuck the
man, fuck the system. He doesn't do that. To
me, you know, to me that's like, no, were you
fake the whole time or did you change? That's
the way I look at it, is like, was he fake or
did he change? Honestly, I'm thinking he may
have changed. I think so too. I think he really
was what you saw at first. You know, he's a fucking
long -haired guy that liked to do a little bit
of drugs in his pastime and drink a lot. and
nail groupies and barely play the bass. So, yeah,
I don't be grudging for it. But I think he was
that guy for a long time. And I think when he
got older, he just like, I don't know, like a
lot of people do. Well, I'm older now. I need
to grow up. I need to need it. Go get a pair
of sensible shoes. Just like us, but look at
us. We've still got a dumbass podcast. Yeah,
yeah. Yep, yep. Hey, we've got to keep that straight.
We've got to keep that straight. And you know
what? On top of that, we have a podcast and Mitch
does not. Get that right, Mitch. Yeah, just kidding.
We will. I'm on it. I decided I'm going full
on after Mitch. No, no, no, no. If Mitch wants
to call in one night, I want him on here. I would
love to. Listen, I'm giving Mitch a lot of shit,
but he gives me shit constantly. Okay? He keeps
the comedy going on this show right now. Yeah,
we love Mitch. We love Mitch. Yes, we do. And
I don't think Mitch hates me. It's like a gag.
It's a gimmick. It's kind of like, yeah, fuck
Mark. We all like Rob. Fuck Mark. He's an idiot.
And that's fine. And I agree. I am. I'm an idiot.
Or not. Here's a fucking brains operation. Everybody
just don't know it. I am pretty happy with the
way I'm doing some of this stuff now and how
I've progressed on a lot of the bits. I mean,
I've gotten so much better. And I'm very proud
of that because I've been trying to, you know.
This is the stuff, you know, I grew up on this
stuff. This is the stuff I love. You know, this
theater of the mind. And I'm working on it very
hard, you know. And, you know, like I said, I
almost took broadcasting. But, you know, it didn't
cost me a thing to go to school with a union,
and I started making money right away, where
everybody I knew that went to broadcasting school
had to go be an intern for like five years, and
hopefully you get your own gig finally, and you
make shit until then. So, you know, I figured
out, you know, that wasn't for me, but this has
always been my passion, something like this.
I've always enjoyed shows like this, you know.
We go back to Dick and Jay, Randy Miller a little
bit later. I mean, all the way down, all of them,
you know. So I'm getting better at it, and I'm
proud of it because I needed to get better at
it. And when I was earlier doing this, I wasn't
real happy with myself because I figured I could
do better. And I am doing better at it, but I
plan on progressing even more and being even
better at this and being more entertaining and
coming up with more ideas. I'm trying to think
of how to describe it, but okay. Okay, well,
can I make some sort of a rebuttal on that, if
you don't mind? Yeah, please do. I want to hear
it. 29th was my three year anniversary on this
show. Wow. Congratulations. Yes. I have been
co -host. Last May 29th was three years. I don't
know if you realize that. I think I did realize
it at the time because I think I did say something
about we're four years old now. Yeah. Well, you
and Topher were before me. Oh, go ahead. And
look how much I've grown. Oh, night and day.
Trust me, Mark. Trust me, Mark. Nobody puts down
how much you've grown. Seriously. Because you
are the brains of this. You're the one doing
the ha -ha's and everything online. You're doing
all that. Well, thank you. But that's going to
change, too, because you're a very humorous guy.
You have a great sense of humor. Just wait until
I get my equipment and you get shit. Exactly.
That's what I'm saying. Which, honestly, is going
to take a little more time now that the blind
studio is moving. We have lives. We've always
stated this, Rob, right? We have lives. We have
lives that we have to do. Didn't you say it's
upstairs? It's going to be upstairs? Yeah, yeah,
it's going to be. What it is, it's a two -bedroom
raised ranch. So there's like a door with stairs
that goes up into a loft. Oh, that sounds cool.
Okay. Cool. And I'm thinking I'm going to have
the window outside. So, and then she's going
to be around the corner right here with her,
we're going to have her require her desk to do
whatever, because she's into some things. And
then the other little third section storage,
so, you know. But yeah, no, it's going to be
cool once we get it done. Okay, very cool. Alright,
cool. You know, I have more stuff, but Rob, let's
go ahead and get to you now. And I'm going to
try to look up these emails, because I don't
know what the fuck I did with them. This is mail.
I printed them out. Like I said, that's a little
lengthy story, so we've got a couple minutes.
Yeah, go ahead. I'll try to... Yeah, I told you
about this one off the air. This is a funny one.
We're keeping it lighthearted. That sounds good.
I have to look it up. Okay. Casper Lincoln was
spotted September 5th rolling down 15th Avenue
in Prince George, British Columbia in the bright
-sized vehicle as his friend walked beside him,
CBC reported. That's where it gets funny. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Wow. Yeah. Oh, my God, that's so
tiny. There is a picture. Oh, it is a tiny, tiny
Barbie car. Wow. Okay. I've got like three emails
I could get, and I'll just read them off from
the board. So we're going to take our first break,
and I'll be back. Or we'll be back. Sorry, not
I. We will be back. Right, Rob? You'll be back
too, right? Maybe, if you're nice to me. Okay.
Well, I think Rob will be back. Yes, I'll be
back. Yes, I will be back. All right. Cool. Thank
you, Rob. All right. We will talk to you guys
here in a minute. So you want proof that we love
you here at QD Spades and Microphone Central?
Here's a proof right here about the drink of
the week. Hey, all you drunk belly dancers. This
one's for you. This is a Butch Wacker. This is
from Norwegian Cruise Lines Best Drinks. This
is a chocolatey, delicious drink. Thick. You
can make yourself. It starts out one ounce of
rum, one half ounce Chocono, chocolate flavor
liqueur. One half ounce of vodka. 1 1⁄2 ounce
of Bailey's Iris Creek, 1 1⁄2 ounce of Kahula,
and 1 1⁄2 ounce of Amaretto. Shake all together,
put in a glass, and there you are. Delightful,
chalkwoody goodness. Enjoy. Very important for
survival is to know the predators in your area.
Study up on them and grab a few wildlife books
to keep in your shelter. Find information for
ways to kill the animal if edible and not damage
the meat. A crossbow is usually most effective.
Tools such as a duck call or moose call could
help one seek out possible food to kill. Search
all uses for an animal after it is killed, such
as the pelt, the hooves, or antlers can make
a handy weapon if needed. Two douchebags, a microphone,
and an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer
you first world problems. My driver's license
picture makes me look older. I'm calling a lawyer.
Next up, things overheard in hell. But brand
new. Charles in Charge reboot is the only show
available all week. Ms. Gulkenstein was tired
of Mark and Toe for making sport of her. Little
did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein was a
voodoo high priestess when she was younger. She
grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob. The Capuchin
Monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. I have a pet
termite I call Clint. Wow, no shit. How strange.
Yeah, I call it Clint Eats Wood. The regular
Joe Q public may believe anything he hears and
sees, but not hear two douchebags' microphone.
Here are two news bags and a microphone. We question
everything. That's why we have a little segment
we'd like to call, I Call Bullshit. Bullshit.
Bullshit. Bullshit. So let me make sure I have
this correct. All the waiting for Epstein client
list. All the promises of justice. All the huge
names that were all over his private island.
Suddenly, there's no client list. It's a well
-known fact. Epstein kept a list of clients.
So Ghislaine Maxwell is rotting in prison and
has no memory of any of her visitors when she
was one of the hosts? You mean to tell me she
cannot spit out a few names? They barter with
every other criminal. Why not her? I'll tell
you why. Because power protects power. That's
why this bullshit dog and pony show will only
go so far. Promises and convictions turn to dust.
I'll even go one step further. Jeffrey Epstein
is still alive. His death was faked. His friends
made sure of this. The next time you think justice
will be served will be a cold day in hell. Or
just wait until his perverts do kick off. Then
ask them the temperature in hell. And now we
look in on the adventures of the technical explanation
guy. Oh my, would you look at the rightly scattering?
It sure is brilliant tonight. First off, you're
on private property. Second, you're in my flower
garden. Third... If you're talking about the
sunset, yes, it is stunning. And finally, would
you get the hell off my property, you annoying
fucking bastard? Jam X. What the hell happened?
You were the generation of change. You never
wanted to be one of them. Apathy spoke for you.
Fuck the man. Fuck the system. What the hell
happened? The generation of angst? The generation
of non -compliance? Is now buying a boat? You're
really fed up to kill someone who dangled a dollar
near you? Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.
No one gives an ounce of shit what you had for
breakfast. Not even the person on the other end.
You look like a mentally slow driv yelling into
thin air all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What
men consider self -centered dunce. Bonnie constantly
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go the
fuck home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably
forgot the theming because you're too busy looking
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. Here at the
Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful
Niagara Arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the Doug
Blythe studio. For now. Yeah, for now. I have
like four emails. The rest of them, I've got
to dig. I don't know what I did with them. I
printed them out. I can't find the printout.
And now I can't find them on my computer. But
there was a few of them that showed up, and I
got the one from Mitch. So, okay. Oh, that's
good. Yeah, I could not find the one for Mitch
at first, man. I was so mad. I'm like, shit,
I know he replied, but I found it. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. That's the one you found during print because
you said you had three. Then when we got back,
you said you had four. Yeah, I had to print.
I had to type out the fourth one because I couldn't
get it to print. You know what? Forget it. Anyhow,
all right. Okay, first one. Rob, we're ready
for a cornhole showdown with you. I have money
on you, Rob. Please wear an appropriate loincloth
as well. I don't know what's appropriate. What's
an appropriate loincloth? I can't. I only have
one. He was supposed to make me another one.
That's right, Mitch. What happened? I still only
have the one. I might buy me another one for
my wedding. There you go. I tried talking her
into it. She said no. Mitch, anything Rob wants
to wear, you let him wear. Because he doesn't
have to be there. And he's doing it for you.
So there. The Freeman Fire Department will be
there to spray off the crowds. I guess they're
planning on it still being hot. Clint will have
plenty of night train for all of us. We finally
found a use for Clint. Yeah, Clint. We've been
saying it. Clint's still there. Yep, he's still
his bitch. Yep, still Mitch's bitch. Clint's
afraid to write me. I think it's funny. And then
it closes out. Mitch, West Central Missouri,
cornhole champion. So are you going to be playing
against Mitch? Let us know, Mitch. Are you going
to be playing against him, or are you going to
be playing as a team with him? I don't know.
Doesn't matter. You know what? Rob's still going
to kick your ass. I could stretch feeling the
55 -gallon drums all day. There you go. He will
kick your ass. Next one. Mark, can you read me
your beignet recipe again? Thanks in advance.
Patrick in Orlando. I think, actually, I don't
know if this is a gag. Remember a long time ago
I gave away that beignet recipe that I learned
in New Orleans? Yes. I think that's what this
person... I think this one serves. Yeah, I think
so too. I'll look it up, Patrick. Okay? I know
where to find it out. I know the restaurant that
I got it from and all that. And I mean, you can
actually look up copycat beignet recipes and
get it. I can't think of the name of the place.
It's not Cafe Du Monde where everybody goes to
and all that. Yeah, they're good there. But to
me, they're not the best beignets in New Orleans.
There's better ones. And the people down there
know this. But everyone that goes there has got
to go to Cafe Du Monde. They're open from the
1400s. I get it. It's historic. And they're good.
But you ever go to the bathroom? The bathrooms
are back behind Cafe Du Monde. And you can look
in there. And you can see them making the beignets.
You won't want to eat them after you see them
making them. I'm not kidding you. Oh, I went
to take a piss and I'm looking in there. I'm
like, oh my God, that's the shit I just ate right
there. But I'll look it up, Patrick, and I'll
get back with you on that recipe. The next one.
Apple keeps trying to get me to pay for the show.
I'm certain you said the show is free. Gail in
Minnesota. It is free. We went through this before,
didn't we, Rob? Yeah, it depends on what service
you have. If you pay for your service, you're
going to have to pay for us. Yeah, yeah. But
you can still go to the free and find us. Yeah,
that's what I was getting ready to say. Let's
say you pay for Spotify, okay, and we're on Spotify.
Then you're paying for a show, but you don't
have to. We're in the free section of all of
them. Do what? What were you saying? Oh, then
maybe I'm wrong. Maybe some places are true.
pay for the tune -in. I get iHeart, well, I did
get iHeart free and listen to it. But then I,
Ozzy died and I downloaded uh, Lizard of Oz and
Diary of a Madman and listened to it for four
hours straight. So then I got, started getting
charged every month for that. But, yeah, I mean,
just Google it. It's free. Yeah, and like I said,
If you're paying for a service and that's how
you get us, then you're going to be paying for
us. But you don't have to. You can Google us
and get it from rss .com. You can get it from
Spotify. You can get it from Amazon. You can
get it from virtually everywhere. Even Audison.
You don't have to pay for us unless you don't
have podcasts on that. Yeah, yeah. But you don't
have to. You can get our show for free. You can
get it for free. So, anyhow. I mean, I don't
know what else. I mean... I do it all the time.
I'll Google it to see if there's another way
to get it. I'll get it on RSS. I'll get it on
TuneIn. I juggle around just to check to see
how the services are doing. And I find it interesting
the commercials they put in on our show. Yeah,
yeah. Like the other day, was it Band -Aids?
I think it's Band -Aids. I'm like, wow. I wonder
how come Band -Aids decided to fucking advertise
with us. I don't know. So, anyhow. Because our
show hurts. I don't know. Honestly, I've upgraded
up. I don't get commercials. Yeah, yeah, I do
it too. I finally got tired of dicking with Spotify
and just bought the premium. But, I mean, before
that I had fun with it. But I hear you. Yeah,
you can get our show for free. If you don't want
to pay for anything, it's fine. Just Google it.
And that's really it. And this is the last time
that I'm going to tackle this question on emails.
Because we've done it, what, like seven, eight
times now? Oh, at least. Yeah. Yeah, so. We really
don't have an answer for it. We really don't.
No, it's all up to you. If you want the show
for free, you can get it for free. No big deal.
A lot of people do. We do. So, anyhow. All right.
Well, Gail in Minnesota, good luck. I hope you
find a way to get us for free because you should
be able to. There's multiple ways. And then finally,
do you guys know if MoDot will begin work for
a third lane? On I -70. Millie and St. Charles,
Missouri, I'm sure. I don't know why. Did we
speak about this before? I think we may have.
About they're going to add a third lane. Yeah,
they've been talking about adding a third lane
to I -7. I'm not exactly sure. I'm sorry. If
I didn't just now have to retrieve the emails,
I'd have an answer for you. Yeah, the answer
is we don't know, but I'm sure you could look
it up pretty easily. And I would have had your
answer, but I just had to grab these emails out
of nowhere just to have them. You know what I
mean? You're lucky we're having emails tonight,
to be honest. Yeah, for real. Yeah, last night
when I got home, I mean, it's like midnight,
and I was going to come in here and do some work,
and I kept falling asleep while I was trying
to do some work. So I was like, yeah, I'll do
it tomorrow. Well, this morning I was busy doing
a couple of chores before I went to work, so
I couldn't do it then. Then I came home. Then
I had a couple more things I had to do, so I
just didn't have no prep going on. So anyhow.
Trust me, I know. Yeah, I know you do. You go
through this every day. Yeah, I saved my stuff.
It's just that once I get home right before the
show, I like to sit down for a while and go over
it. Like tonight, I had like 10 minutes. Yeah,
gotcha. Well, that's the same. But I could read
everything to everybody. Cool. Let's see. I need
to, I want to make a new douchebag pledge with
Knob Lick. Let's see. Yeah, see, I still got
to make it over there. I'm doing it. Yeah. I'm
going. Knob Rub. I got to look at all the names
that were on the Fox Weather Channel, I believe,
when they're giving the snow totals. And they
went from Knob Lick to Knob Rub to a couple other
very suggestive names. And I want to do a new
douchebag pledge with all of their names in it,
not just Knob Lick. But anyhow. All right, Rob,
let's turn to you. Okay. If you're sick and can't
make it into work, what are you supposed to do?
Stay home. wrestle with every day. While many
offices suggest that one doesn't come into work
if they're sick in order to prevent others from
getting ill, they also frequently require a doctor's
note, which costs money. As much of American
sick leave is unpaid, this leaves Americans deciding
between Okay. No, no. Okay. Okay. Okay, you know,
going back to the Chick -fil -A, right, I think
that it had to have been more than him calling
in. Because a lot of fast food places, you know,
they don't pay that well, and they're fast -paced,
and they're kind of a pain in the ass, right?
If you come in every day and at least put out
a little bit of effort, they're going to keep
you, right? We've seen it happen many times.
Yes, we have. So, them letting this guy go because
he took a day off, I don't believe that. I think,
in my opinion is, he sucked as an employee for
whatever reason. Couldn't do it right, couldn't
do it fast enough, all the above. And that's
why they got rid of him. And I think that that
was just the tilting, the tilting of it. Okay,
okay, okay. Let me, let me go on. a little bit
more. Still, this location is likely protected
in their decision to fire Gabe for going outside
while sick. He only feels the decision is unjust.
Nailed it, didn't I? But he got, what, how many?
547 ,000 views. But there's the comments he goes
on to say there may have been other things. You
want to talk about wasting people's time. To
me, the guy sounds like a fuck job. I'm sorry.
You know, you lose a job at Chick -fil -A, what
do you do? You go down to Burger King. And you
go there and go, yeah, I worked at Chick -fil
-A until yesterday. McDonald's. Oh, no, you've
already probably worked at McDonald's. Yeah,
yeah, so, you know, Wendy's, maybe Sonic, they
always need help. Yeah, go into Sonic. Go in
there and fry up some of those fucking fried
pickle spears. So, I don't know. Yeah, I know
what you mean. Who knows? Yeah. But if you could
drive, maybe that's it. I would agree. I would
agree. Okay, so yeah, it was a lot of different
things, like I thought. It wasn't just that.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, Rob, I got a little story here.
I want to do a little background on it here.
Well, not background, but a little layout. Okay.
I don't... I don't, I never have, never will
understand wedding crashers. I'm pissed just
having to go to the mandatory weddings, let alone
decide just to go to one, just to go to one,
right? Just to crash it. You know, I'm not single
and I haven't been in a long time. Yeah, you're
talking to somebody that's about ready to get
married. Well, that's different if you're...
They'll probably get their ass kicked. Well,
no, I want to be honest with you. It's going
to be at the BMW Galman 3. Very cool. It was
going to be outside, but we got thinking it's
November 28th. Yeah, you're probably right. Oh,
cool. That sounds like a nice place to be. And
my cousin's still there. We've had many family
functions there, so why not get married? Okay.
I got a question. Did we do our second break
yet or not? No. Okay, let's do our second break.
I'm going to come back with this wedding crashing
story here, okay? All right. All right. We'll
be right back. Hey there, slapmets. It's time
for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little pumpkin
seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your music
news. During an appearance on July 8th episode
of SiriusXM's Trunk Nation, Tony Omi spoke about
some of his upcoming music -related projects,
including a full -length collection of new material
from legendary Black Sabbath guitarist. Tony
said, as transcribed by Blabbermouth .net, Well,
at the moment, I was doing my own album until
Back to the Beginning event came up, and then
of course I had to stop and concentrate on preparing
for the Sabbath performance. But I'm continuing
next week to try to finish off what I started
with this album. And then who knows what I'm
going to do. It's great, really. Because if something
pops up, I'll do it if I want to do it. Asked
if his upcoming album as a Tony Omi solo record
would guess on it, like he's done before with
the legendary 2000s IOMI, the guitarist responded,
at the moment, no. I've got one singer on it,
which I originally thought of different singers,
but it started off as it was going to be an instrumental
album, and it's gone from that into a full -fledged
Tony Iommi project. But then I thought, oh, wait,
I want to try it with a singer. So that's what
I've been doing. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That
was your music news. And remember, bar chords
are bullshit. Hi, y 'all. This is Chicago. most
dangerous city in North America. You can't touch
me. Oh yeah? This is Kansas City here. Hold my
beer, bitch. Hey, if you're a fan of paying way
too much for trinkets and food, well, your wish
is coming true. Kansas City International Airport
Guest Pass program is starting today. Yes, you
too could overspend on workless trinkets and
$15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50 cheap
t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building image
on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue sauce
gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40 and you're
first born. Hurry. You know rubes are jumping
all over to get to this complete ripoff. Because
people are sheep. Oh shit. What's that over there?
Oh no. It's an island of horrible jokes. stricken
man explained to his doctor, you have to help
me. I'm shrinking. The doctor said I will. You
have to be a little patient. Hey everybody, this
is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some tips
for life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics.
Rule number one. Title of pic is, someone else's
name. So if you get busted, it's not yours. Rule
number two, shoot angles complementary to your
length and girth. This is Joshua Belmont, your
food for thought man on the hustle. So I just
realized a genius that gets absolutely no credit.
His name is Marshall Taylor. He's credited with
the first bag of salad mix that was bagged and
sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe he
is still alive. This guy's genius will never
be fully appreciated. Before this man, we settled
for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons
and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with
that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,
maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine
bladders for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should
have a national holiday. Harambe used to listen
to our original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder. Harambe
does not listen to our original show, Two Dipshits
and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder
anymore. You might ask why Harambe never listens
to our original show, Too Dipsious, in a cheap
Radio Shack realistic tape recorder. Well, it's
because Harambe is dead. Senselessly murdered
because some idiot did not watch her child properly
while looking on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does
not listen to our original show, Too Dipsious,
in the cheap Radio Shack realistic tape recorder,
or any other show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Bags
and microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City
area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Very cool.
Okay, so like I said before we went to break,
I generally detest weddings. You know, I haven't
been single in a long time. That was the best
place to pick up stray, I'm telling you, a wedding.
No joke. So I could understand why some people
crash them, probably trying to get dates. Because
I think with women, or it used to be, I don't
know about anymore, but, you know, they see their
friends getting married and they kind of get
this little bit of, if they're not or don't have
a boyfriend or going somewhere with something.
They kind of get this, in my opinion, I think,
a desperation thing, right? Yeah, where you get
to looking. Yeah, yeah, you're looking really
hard, and then you find somebody there, you know,
and all that stuff. Okay, so there was a wedding
crasher four years ago at a woman's wedding.
This bride, she confronts her mystery wedding
crasher after searching nonstop for four years,
Rob. She was that obsessed about it, who this
guy was. Michelle Wiley has spent the last four
years trying to guess the identity of an uninvited
wedding guest seen in snapshots taken on her
special day. The power of social media. Her matrimonial
mystery has finally been solved. It was always
in the back of my mind who was that and why was
he there. Wiley, 38, from the UK, told Southwest
News of the unfamiliar fella at her November
2021 nuptials to find out eventually after all
this time is quite something. As soon as I got
the sample of the wedding pictures, I noticed
it straight away, added Wiley, a digital facilitator
for the NHS. This is what she does. We all said,
do you know who this is? We were asking around
the family and friends, and no one had any idea
who this mystery guy was that was in all these
pictures with him. No one remembered him being
there on that day, she said. And then he slipped
out right after the ceremony, so nobody really
got to talk to him either, right? So hoping to
get to the bottom of the conundrum, Wiley routinely
shared images on Facebook. to try to get someone
to figure out who it is, assuming someone would
eventually fess up to being the ransom stranger
who crashed her bash. But suddenly the new Lululemon
never got far in her search until this week.
It was looking through the wedding pictures,
and I just thought, I'm going to message someone
with a lot of followers and ask if they can share
this, said Wiley. She reached out to content
creator Dazza. with over 400 ,000 Facebook fans
and 129 TikTok subscribers. Right. She asked
this guy to plaster the pictures all over his
platforms, which he did, and within two hours,
Daz found this guy. Two hours. Damn. The power
of social media is insane. It is. The unknown
interloper was Andrew Heilemann. But he's not
just some sneaky creep who gets his jollies from
invading occasions like weddings for free food
and booze and what have you, you know. Like I
alluded to, too, you know, strange, you know,
fucking stray tail and all this stuff hanging
out. So, I was at the wrong wedding, he confessed,
after seeing his mug and Wiley's wedding photos
on Daz's page. Four years ago, my partner was
acting as a bridesmaid, male bridesmaid, for
his friend Michaelina's wedding. And I've been
invited to his plus one, Heilemann 33, who is
a painter and decorator, explained. For some
reason, he told me it was at the Carlton Hotel
in Presswick at 2 p .m. when it was actually
being held at the Great Western Hotel in another
city. He had already left in the morning to help
with whatever bridesmaids do and left me to make
my own way to the wedding. Once I got there,
the ceremony began making an impossible leave
without obstructing the wedding somehow. So he
had to watch the whole wedding, be in pictures
when they took pictures down towards him. And
then afterwards, he got the hell out of there.
That sounds like something would happen to me.
Oh, yeah. Yep. I got a kick off that story. I
thought that was funny. I could just see that.
You get in there and go, wait a minute. I guess
his partner or whatever. Where is he? Oh, shit.
Because he wouldn't know who the bride and groom
was. It was his partner's friends. Oh, yeah.
Good times. Rob, you got something? Yeah, I do.
Oh, yeah. Okay. Are you still with me? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm listening. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Okay,
I get that. I do too. I feel fantastic, Chapman
said, while speaking about the results of surgery
at the WABC attic. Vision comes back, and it's
a whole new world. That is cool. That's very
cool. That is a great story. And ibuprofen is
what set that off. Yeah, he had a bad allergic
reaction to ibuprofen. Wow. It made him blind.
Yeah, that would suck. Yeah. Okay, all right.
Thanks, Rob. Do you want to keep going? You have
to work in the morning early, so you tell me.
I got time if you got something else. Yeah, I
got something else. I don't. Okay. A court in
Germany has ruled that an unnamed teacher who
has been on sick leave for 16 years must prove
that she is ill. 16 years, Rob. Holy sh... Metro
News reported on August 23rd, since 2009, the
female teacher has been drawn her full salary
in spite of not working at all. When the education
authority in North Rhine demanded that she take
a medical test, she sued. But the court called
the case truly incomprehensible and ruled that
the employer had the right to call for the test.
President of the state's teachers union called
her behavior completely abysmal. So this is now
going into court and the company, the teachers
board is trying to get rid of this lady because
they feel that she abused the system and that
she wasn't, you know, she wasn't ill for 16 years.
Which I think I would tend to agree with. What
do you think, Rob? Would you agree with that?
Yeah, I would agree, too. Yeah, I'm going to
think the 16 years is probably not correct. So
maybe 16 days. Well, if you're 16 years, you
should be drawing disability by then. Yeah, you
know what? You're right. That's a great point.
After a year, it should be, like, going well.
And you know what? Yeah, you ain't going to be
able to. with something. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting
story. Alright, well, that's about all I got.
Yeah, that's all I got for tonight. Alright.
Hi, Albuquerque. Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy.
Hi, Ricky. Hi, what, Hicksville? Hicksville.
Hi, everybody. Yeah, hi to everybody. Hi, Albuquerque,
Hicksville. Grandma Opal, Jimmy, Ricky, anybody,
anybody in our way, hello. So, anybody listening,
hello. Thank you for the numbers are spiking
really well. Oh, my God, they're outrageous.
Yeah. Can't thank you enough. Please keep spreading
the word. We're just doing this because we love
it. So, come on, jump aboard. We're going to
make it to where you can call in. And say whatever
the hell you feel. We don't care. Which, by the
way, I don't know if I told you, but I have ten
shirts ordered. Ooh. You guys hear that? One
for me, one for you. Thank you. And there's eight
others that are going to have their names on
the back of theirs. And they're going to be spread
between Sunrise Beach and Palm de Terre. Awesome.
Bye. Very cool. I love that idea. And I'm working
on some other ideas too, like maybe we can mail
some stuff out to some people. I'm still working
on maybe getting some stickers with not just
a QR code, but an actual emblem of our show.
Dude, I could put them in gas stations down around.
I think that that would be optimal because people,
I mean, it works so well in an airport. I've
done that before. Especially down here, seeing
the douchebag mobile going down the road. That
would be great. That's true, and our numbers
down there are fantastic. So thank you, Rob,
and thank you all. All right, I need to get off
here because I've got a medical appointment tomorrow
morning early. And I'm going to... Oh, good luck
with that. Oh, thank you. Well... When I went
in for my scope, this is interesting, and I'll
go into it real quick, and then we'll get off
here because I know you've got to get up early.
Well, so do I, but you've got to go to work.
So when I was in the hospital a few months ago,
they never put a CPAP on me or anything, nothing.
Everything was fine. I went to go get my scope
of my stomach and esophagus, what, a month ago?
Something like that. Yeah. Okay. And they, when
I was getting ready to leave, they said, you
need to do something about your sleep apnea.
And I said, well, I said, you know, I said, number
one, I didn't think I had it anymore. Number
two, I can't wear a CPAP. I wake up with fucking
things on the floor. I don't remember doing it.
Yeah, that's where the mad shitter story comes
in. Yeah, yeah. You've already turned into a
CPAP machine. I've already turned into a CPAP
machine, yep. So I'm like, you know, I can't
tolerate a CPAP machine. So, you know, so there's
this thing called Inspire that works with your
smartphone to keep you and your airways open
while you're sleeping. So tomorrow I'm going
in for an evaluation to hopefully get an Inspire.
A guy at work tried to, but he wasn't heavy enough.
There's a certain amount of obese that they want
before they can do it. So I don't know. I've
lost quite a bit of weight. So we'll see if I
can do it or not. And also, I think before that
they're going to do a sleep study. I hear now
what they do. I'm sorry, brother. I don't know
whether to wish you luck on that or not. I don't
know either. The way I understand that they check
it now is they put you to sleep momentarily.
Like whenever they put my shoulder back in place,
like every other day whenever I dislocate it
every other day. Yeah, they put you out for a
split second because it's real traumatic to snap
you back into place. So I think they do something
like that. They put you out for a split something.
And then they have something to where they can
tell about your throat and how it works while
you're sleeping. And then Inspire is something
that they, like a chip, or not a chip, something
that they put in you. It's kind of almost like
a pacemaker type of deal. And what it does is
it makes sure that your passages, your air passages,
do not close off while you're sleeping. and causing
you to wake up with your heart pounding or some
of the other fun stuff that it does. Honestly,
I stopped breathing. Yeah, yeah, that's what
happens. I've been told I stopped breathing in
my sleep. Yep, that's sleep apnea, 100%. You
need to get that checked into, for real. It's
deadly. Okay. All right. Okay. I'm kidding. I'm
kidding. I would have argued, but, like, it's
9 -15 and I got a bunch of paperwork to fill
out. That's where I was going when I got this.
Anyhow, thank you all for listening. Good night,
assholes. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks
like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.