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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. Hi all, this is
Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North
America. You can't touch me. Oh, yeah? This is
Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch. And now
we look in on the adventures of the technical
explanation guy. Excuse me, sir. Could you please
be a good gentleman and pass the malt acetic
acid my way? Do you mean the malt vinegar? Why,
yes. Yes, I do mean the malt vinegar. Then just
say the malt vinegar, you dumb buck. And now,
Deep Thoughts with Mark. If I was to speak into
a megaphone backwards, would it then sound like
a whisper? I may never know. Tomorrow morning
while grinding your coffee beans for your double
mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals
caught in the grinder. It really hurts. Who can
afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.
So you want proof that we love you here at QD
Spades and Microphone Central? Here's a proof
right here about the drink of the week. Hey,
all you drunk belly dancers. This one's for you.
This is a Butch Wacker. This is from Norwegian
Cruise Line's Best Drinks. This is a chocolatey,
delicious drink. Thick. You can make yourself.
It starts out one ounce of rum. One half ounce.
Chocono, chocolate -flavored liqueur. One -half
ounce of vodka, one -half ounce of Bailey's Irish
Creek, one -half ounce of Kahula, and one -half
ounce of Amaretto. Shake all together, put in
a glass, and there you are. Delightful, chocolatey
goodness. Enjoy. Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the
Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob. It's a beautiful
angle arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the Duck Blind
studio. And right off the bat, I do have something
to reiterate from our last podcast. Please go
ahead. Okay. You remember how I spoke about Bike
Fest? Yes. Bike Fest was not this weekend. It's
next weekend. Oh. I hope people came down for
it and it wasn't going on. That would be great.
Honestly, I'm waiting for some emails from Sunrise
Beach over that. I printed mine off two days
ago, so I'll have to look. I just figured, you
know, because of the way the bikes have been
rolling, I thought, no, it's next weekend. Oh,
okay. So if you came down because of that, ha
-ha. There you go. And he's got it right this
time. You're not going to come down for nothing
this time. Yes, no, no, no. I had to reiterate
that. I had to clear it, you know. There you
go. That was my mistake. I had the wrong dates.
That was my bad. Okay, so if I were you guys,
I would look for Rob's personal email, not this
one. All right, well. No, I want this one. I
want to hear it. You know what? You're right.
Go to this one. You're a dumbass. You've lived
down here how long? 20 years? And you don't know
when by this? Two douches at mail .com. Two douches
at mail .com. And it's not the number two. I
just had this with a couple of people. It's written
out. Two. T -W -O douches. D -O -U -C -H -E -S.
Two douches. And I just had ten shirts made.
at mail .com. So, there you go. Not spelled,
not the letter. Spelled out. Two douches at mail
.com. Yeah, with the douches at mail .com. So,
there you go. You got any complaints, that's
where Rob will be hearing them at, right there.
Alright. Alright, do you like the Uptown Theater?
You do, don't you? It's one of your favorite
venues, like me. Oh, yeah, yeah. That is a great
venue. It always has been. Yeah, it has. You
like Jerry Cantrell of Alice in Chains, right?
Yes, yes. But he is the most important part of
Alice in Chains were those riffs. Lane Staley
did great. Everybody in the band did great. But
if it wasn't for Jerry Cantrell, you would have
never heard that band. You wouldn't have known
anything about him. His monster riffs, like Man
in the Box or Angry chair. I mean, there's so
many riffs that he came up with that are heavy
and dark and brooding. So, I got to looking,
and his tickets are down to $32 .50 for the Uptown
Theater next Sunday. Can you believe that? Really?
Yeah, this guy's... Oh, yeah, I can. I can. Oh,
okay. Why? Well, it... That's what it was, but
he blamed it on a bunch of other things. That's
right. Well, he's kind of a hatter. He blamed
it on the wildfires. He blamed it on everything,
wildfires, everything. He's kind of a disgruntled
person if you've ever seen him on the Rock and
Roll Hall of Fame. I understand him being mad
and everything, but I mean, go ahead, what now?
Well, I just wanted to see why for his music,
because I grew up with his music. Oh, no, no,
I don't blame you at all. I'm just saying that
I believe that he probably was surly, because
I think part of his nature nowadays is him being
surly. So, you know what? Okay. Well, anyhow,
I'm really considering going to Jerry Cantrell.
I mean, $32 .50. That would be a good one. That
would be a good concert. It really would be.
Oh, yeah. $32 .50 to see this guitar legend play.
At the Uptown. At the Uptown Theater. It's one
of the very few most personal venues where you
don't have a bad seat. I mean, to me, it's a
really personal venue because there's not a bad
seat, and you pretty much see the white in everybody's
eyes and that whole thing. It's like Memorial
Hall over at KCK. A real small venue, but you
can pack some people in there. Yeah, and if I
do, then I will let you know, and we'll just
reschedule this for Monday night, if that's okay.
Sounds good. Okay, all right, I'll let you know.
I may wait until the day of and just buy it online,
because if we're $32 .50 now, and there really
don't seem to be a very big push in people buying
them, they'll be $32 .50 the day of. The whole
thing is it's getting butts in seats to buy beers,
maybe buy a shirt, a tour book. You know, that's
pretty much the name of the game anymore. It's
not really, yeah, if you can gouge them on tickets,
yes, you do. But if you can't, then you just
lower the tickets to where you can get as many
people packed in there as you can, and then you
get a cut of the alcohol sales and all this stuff.
Well, guys like him. Yeah. I will take it for
him. artists like that, they're not into it for
the ticket sales. They're into it for the entertainment.
They don't care how much they make. They're doing
what they love, and they're entertaining us with
what they love. Yeah, he's great at that. Yeah,
I mean, they're long past the grunge prime and
all that stuff. When grunge was king, they were
huge. And he knows he's not huge anymore. And
he knows he's not going to sell out big arenas
anymore. But he still wants to do it. And he
doesn't care. This one at the Uptown Theater,
he's not canceling. He's lowering the ticket
price or whoever's in charge of it. And I think
that's awesome. Yeah, I do too. Unless you're
like Steve Miller and you're just like, yeah,
I ain't doing it now. Because of the wildfires
and the tsunamis. So, whatever. Dude, yeah, you're
coming like this. I could have sold you two more
tickets. That would have made it worth your tour.
There you go. Yeah. Especially the price I was
fucking giving. Oh, how much were they? I was
going to go lower level. Uh -huh. And they were
up around $150 each. Well, Steve Miller, I think
I just found your problem. You priced yourself
out of the market. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no. I was going to do Ticketmaster. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. That's a whole lot. Hey, Ticketmaster,
want some again? Always. Always. Get that price
out of range. Yep. We've talked about this. Yeah,
we have. And we'll talk about it more, too. Oh,
yeah. Every concert. So, anyhow, I need to stop
looking at houses in Cass County, Rob. My realtor,
she knows what to send us. I'm just not ready
for an hour plus drive to work again. You know,
I'm driving all city, all the way, 25 minutes,
and I love it. You know, the oldsters in Lone
Pine, you know, just south of Cleveland, it's
part of Cleveland, right? Cleveland, Missouri,
Lone Pine. Yeah. They're all moving out. You
know, I don't know if they're like, you know,
going to old folks' homes or something or whatever,
but they're all moving out. Probably are. Probably
are. Yeah, our realtor keeps sending us new ones
that are coming up in Lone Pine, and I was like,
oh, man. It's like, no, no, I don't want to drive
an hour and a half to work again. Nope, nuh -uh.
So I saw where White Castle, they're expanding
into Texas. You know, White Castle's one of the
few chains that have standalone stores. way off
their normal territory. And let me explain it
to you. What I mean by standalone is, okay, usually
if you have like one of the fast food joint,
you're going to have five or six in that area.
To make it worth their time of distributing to
that area, right? You don't have just standalones.
Not just like one restaurant like a thousand
miles away from the other ones, okay? So there's
Las Vegas. has one standalone White Castle. And
New York, Coney Island, New York, part of the
New York metropolitan area, Coney Island has
one standalone White Castle. And they're the
only ones that do that. They're the only ones
that allow one standalone way off in the middle
of nowhere, as opposed to other restaurants.
But now they're finding their way to Texas, which
is... Kind of surprised me, you know. But the
one at Coney Island didn't follow the rules anyhow.
White castles do not come with anything on them,
right? If you order cheese and you want to come
with cheese. Right, right. Just cheese, onion,
if you want onions, and meat, and the bun. And
grease. And a lot of grease. Heavy on the grease.
The Coney Island one, they put ketchup on all
of them, and they destroyed my grease pellets
from heaven. I was furious. I'm like, where's
the dummy that put ketchup on these? Oh, that's
what we do here. I'm like, no, you don't do that
in White Castle. We do here. I'm like, no, they
can give me ones without ketchup on them, please.
And they did. So, but I guess, you know, they're
out there way away from the other ones. So, like,
no one's checking their standards, I'm sure.
They don't go up there and go, hey, why are you
putting ketchup on these? I don't know. I thought
it looked good, you know. So, you know, Dallas
is full of Whataburgers and In -N -Out. So, I'm
not sure how well White Castle will do. You know,
anyway. I want one here. A White Castle? Yeah,
I'd love to have a White Castle. Oh, I enjoy
them, too. The best we can do is the frozen ones
at the store. Yeah, and they're not the same.
No, they're not. You could go to Columbia and
get them. Yeah, an hour and a half from here.
No, I know. That's the closest store to us, too.
Two and a half hours away. Oh, shit. Yeah. See
how closer you are. I know. I used to do trips
out there. Just, you know, got a day off. I go
all the way out there and grab some White Castles.
But now I hear it's hard to get into that White
Castle because there's a dispensary right next
door. Because you told the story about you buying
your Jeep and ordering a case of White Castle.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It was funny. I bought them
from Joe Mockins, which is a huge dealership
in Columbia. And I'm like, all right, I'm going
to buy this for one thing. The guy's like, what?
When I get there, there needs to be a case of
white castles in the front seat on the floorboard.
What? Yeah, a case of white castles. A suitcase.
This is serious. Yeah, and the guy kind of chuckled
again, and I go, no, I'm serious. The only way
I'm going to buy this, I'll agree to it, is...
When I get there, you have my case of White Castles
waiting for me. And he goes, sir, about what
time are you going to be here? They'll be hot.
And when I got there, yes, they were hot. They
were hot, yeah. So while they were detailing
the vehicle and getting it ready, I went into
their, they have this room there, or they did,
I don't know if they still have it, but it's
like vibrating recliner chairs. Yeah, you've
been to that. Yeah, big movie screen popcorn.
I'm in there munching the shit out of White Castle,
watching TV. If you're paying that much for a
vehicle, you deserve to be pampered. Oh, yeah,
yeah. Yeah, so I'm just sitting there, you know,
fucking enjoying the hell out of it, and then
they're done detailing the car, and I'm like,
you guys, you're really done right now? Yeah,
yeah, we need you to come get it. Fuck. Okay.
hang on, so, um, anyhow, um, so, um, I forgot
where I was, oh, so anyhow, all of these things,
we knew it, we knew it going in, uh, what a burger
is, yeah, um, what a burger is in and outs, and
White Castles are all, they're all open 24 -7,
for your indigestion needs, So there you go.
A rising fitness trend has people acting like
animals on all fours. This is all part of a new
trend called quadrobics. This odd style of exercise
is gaining traction on social media where devotees
are showing off their bear crawls and cat leaps,
Rob. Does that sound something you want to partake
in? Yeah, yeah. It sounds like something Frances
could get in. What, the bear crawl or the cat
leap? What do you think she'd do? Both. Both?
Okay. Often wearing furry masks and tails. Do
you think she'll do that? A furry mask and a
tail? I better shut up. I better shut up because
I've got more coming on this show. You know what,
yeah. About princess. Yeah, we'll just sway away
from there right now. Often wearing furry masks
and tails, people swear this particular exercise
trims and shapes you up into an efficient level.
But the core of this new trend is the people
practicing that this trend isn't exactly for
exercise. They call themselves sub -human creatures.
So they don't even believe they're human. They
think that they're sub -human creatures. And
that's why they're doing this, not because they
want exercise. They would also like to be known,
Rob, that they are not furries. Okay, Rob? They
are not furries. They want you to know that.
Uh -huh. And they are sick of being lumped into
the furry category, Rob. No, no, no. They are
a subculture, according to them. Yeah, you know.
I'm going to keep calling them furries. Sorry
about your luck, freaks. Too bad. Yeah. Yeah.
So, Rob, I got some great news for all of us.
You want to hear it? Always. Calling your boss
a dickhead isn't enough to get you fired, a judge
rules. Really? Yeah. Yeah, that's what this judge
said. You know, cursing out... The brass might
seem like a justifiably fireball offense. However,
a UK supervisor was awarded over $40 ,000 after
a court ruled that she was wrongfully canned
for labeling her boss a dickhead. Nice. Nice.
I love it. I love it. I can get on board with
this. Although, I like my bosses here at that
other place. Yeah, I know you do. A bunch of
dick suckers over there. Anyhow, although her
comments were inappropriate and regrettable,
they did not justify summary dismissal, declared
Judge Sonya Boyce at the tribunal. The Daily
Mail reported since 2018, Carrie Herbert had
reportedly worked at scaffolding and brickwork
company Main Group Services alongside her brother
-in -law and sister -in -law, Thomas and Anna
Swannell. who served as operations manager and
managing director, respectively. So, her duties
at this Northampton -based gig were reportedly
paid her over $50 ,000 a year, including supervising
the office's day -to -day operations, overseeing
payroll, arranging meetings, and filling in for
administrators. They paid her way too little.
I don't know why they're firing her. They got
her for a great... So anyhow, however, one day
in May... They probably found somebody cheaper.
They found somebody to do it for $45 ,000. I
don't know. However, one day in May 2022, while
Herbert was rummaging through one of her manager's
drawers to complete an admin task, she discovered
documents pertaining to the cost of employing
her. The supervisor told the tribunal this discovery
was extremely upsetting and she believes she
is going to be terminated. The overseer was subsequently
invited to a meeting where her boss, Thomas Swannell,
reprimanded her over her performance. He said
that he and his wife were not happy with how
she ran the office, claiming that suppliers weren't
paid on time and that there were problems with
bookings. Herbert reportedly began to cry and
proceeded to lay into her employer. If it was
anyone else in this position, they would have
walked away years ago, due to the going on in
this office, is what she said. I get that. Yeah,
me too. Like I said, old place, place I'm at
now, love it. But it's only because you two dickheads
that I stayed declared to distraught Britt. According
to her testimony, Thomas reportedly responded,
don't call me a fucking dickhead or my wife.
That's it. You're sacked. Pack your shit and
fuck off. He used worse language than she did.
I know. I know. I'm on her side 100 % of the
way. Oh, yes, yes. He used to hit ball. Yeah,
yeah. When Herbert asked if he'd really given
her the boot, The irate boss responded, yes,
I have, now fuck off. The ex -supervisor later
told the court that the dickhead comment had
been made in jest and later sued the firm for
unfair dismissal. And while the company claimed
she'd been canned for poor performance at work,
boys, the judge ruled in her favor, claiming
that the firm had not acted reasonably in all
of the circumstances in treating her conduct
as a sufficient reason to dismiss her. The court
was informed that under the contract's terms,
she could be sacked over the provocative use
of insulting or abusive language, but only if
she had been, and bear with me here because this
thing is smudged again, given a warning first,
the document stipulated that only serious violations
such as threatening and intimidating language
would warrant Herbert's termination. In accordance,
Boyce, the judge, concluded that Herbert had
been fired in the heat of the moment because
of her behavior on that date, namely her comments
about Anna and Thomas Swannell. Therefore, she
should be paid and reinstated if she would like
to, but let's be honest, Rob. She's not going
to go back. Yeah, that's what I'm saying is they
can say she can be reinstated all they want.
It's not going to happen. We all know this. She
called them out on some bullshit. Yeah. And they're
throwing her under the bus. No. Yes. Don't go
back. Don't go back, girl. Oh, she's not going
to. I guarantee it. Because we all know what's
going to happen is this right here. They are
going to pick over her with a fine comb, and
the first second they get to let her go, they
will. Oh, yeah. We've talked about that before.
Yeah, yeah. They have ways out of this stuff.
They have ways out on everything according to
laws. And, I mean, at least in the state of Missouri,
I know this for a fact, is they can terminate
you for any reason at any time, and they don't
even have to have a reason if it gets down to
it. They can be like, well, why'd you let this
guy go? I don't know. But at the same time, they
have to watch what they let you go for. Yes,
yeah. Anything medical, they cannot let you go
for. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Well, that's how
come FMLA, as good as it is, it's a pain in the
ass, too, because people abuse it. Right, right.
If people didn't abuse FMLA, it would be fucking
beautiful. And it is great, because... You know,
a lot of people that would lose their jobs because
of illness in their family or themselves. Right.
Don't. They don't now. You know, so. Anyhow.
All right. Well, you know what? I've taken up
enough time. So, Rob, let's go to you. Okay.
Well, I have one question. Yes. Did Mitch email?
Hang on. I believe so. Well, that's going to.
Yes, he did. He did. Yep. Okay. Okay. Well then,
I'm going to go straight into Lake Area news.
Okay. The Campton Area Chamber of Commerce has
announced that it will no longer coordinate and
be responsible for the popular Christmas on the
Square again. What's the big deal down here?
Okay. The Okay. Okay. Okay. the Square event,
which is scheduled for the next day and night.
The festivities are expected to remain on the
calendar for the first weekend in December this
year. Okay. But the city is picking it up, which
is cool. Yeah. Because, like I said, that is
a major thing down here in Canton. Well, a lot
of towns, especially around smaller towns in
Missouri or whatever state you're in, you have
Christmas parades, you know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Right across from here. Very cool. Good. Actually,
when the city takes over, it's usually better
anyhow because they have cool lighting ceremonies
and people volunteer. This has been my experience,
small town Missouri. It's a really cool atmosphere.
Honestly, everything's great. The parade, everything.
Because everybody pitches in. Yeah, that's what
I'm saying. It's going to be great. It's going
to remain great. Like I said, this year they're
at the food truck court the night before, which
I don't think they've ever done. That's cool.
It's going to be cool. Very cool. Because about
all we have is Mexican fast food down here. Yeah,
yeah. Although if you want Chinese, check out
Chinatown. Just saying. Okay. All right. You
know what? When I'm down in that area, check
it out. All right. That helps. I got to add in
them ads. Now, okay, I want to know this. You
got to get used to it. You got to go back to
their dumpster and look around and make sure
you don't see any cat pelts. Oh, let's park right
back by it. We were good. Okay, good, good. That's
cool. Okay, I don't know about that. No, no,
no. Honestly, they're impressive. They are some
big -ass old carp. Really? They're that big of
tanks? And big tanks, yeah. There's two fish
tanks that go across. Yeah, they're at least
50 gallon, if not more, each. Okay, very cool.
And they go across the front of the store. Yeah.
See, I think I'd like that. That would be cool.
What does that sound? I'm packing. Oh, that's
right. Okay. Okay. All right. Sorry. I'll wait
until we go on break. All right. We're getting
ready to go on break right now. We're going to
come back with some emails. Sound what we need
to do? Sounds exactly what I need to do. All
right. Then, everybody, we will be right back
after you hear a few ha -ha. Two douchebags,
a microphone, and an effort to keep everything
fresh. We offer you First World Problems. I can't
believe the coffee grinder is broke at the big
box store. There's no way I can be expected to
grind my coffee beans every damn morning. Strange,
but true. Some corpses turn into wax statues.
Under certain conditions, bodies don't rot. Instead,
fat turns into soap -like substance called adipocere.
Imagine a perfect waxy corpse sitting in the
dark for centuries. I don't want any part of
that. The regular Joe Cube public may believe
anything he hears and sees, but not here at Two
Douchebags Microphone. Here at Two Douchebags
Microphone, we question everything. That's why
we have a little segment we'd like to call I
Call Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.
So let me make sure I have this correct. All
the waiting for Epstein client list. All the
promises of justice. All the huge names that
were all over his private island. Suddenly, there's
no client list. It's a well -known fact Epstein
kept a list of clients. So Ghislaine Maxwell
is rotting in prison and has no memory of any
of her visitors when she was one of the hosts?
You mean to tell me she cannot spit out a few
names? They barter with every other criminal.
Why not her? I'll tell you why. Because power
protects power. That's why this bullshit dog
and pony show will only go so far. Promises and
convictions turn to dust. I'll even go one step
further. Jeffrey Epstein is still alive. His
death was faked. His friends made sure of this.
The next time you think justice will be served
will be a cold day in hell. Or just wait until
his perverts do kick off. Then ask them the temperature
in hell. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Hmm,
let's see. If I identify as a dog, and I start
wandering around the block without a collar on,
Could Animal Control come by and pick me up?
I may never know. Harambe used to listen to our
original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our
original show, Too Gypsious, in a cheap Radio
Shack realistic tape recorder. Well, it's because
Harambe is dead. Senselessly murdered because
some idiot did not watch her child properly while
looking on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not
listen to our original show, Too Gypsious, in
the cheap Radio Shack realistic tape recorder,
or any other show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Well,
you know, I got a neat little story here about
a little prank that me and Davey, my friend that
I refer to often, played. You know the old Bannister
Mall, remember that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy,
that was an area for a lot of fucking fun. We
used to get away with murder at that place. We
had done the stupidest shit. Well, there was
a security guard, a little short little fucker,
kind of a little dumpy little guy named Sam.
And he hated us longhairs. We were in there getting
all the chicks, and he didn't fucking like it.
So Sam used to always try to get me kicked out.
And Davey, too, but more me. He really hated
me for some reason. So he'd always screw with
me. He got me kicked out for about two weeks.
Then we went to court and the judge said you
can't kick him out. It's a public mall. Yeah.
So anyhow, you know, one of the biggest ways
to sell a hoax. is to uh we found this out was
to have a setup guy that no one knew just a guy
to confirm what you're saying oh yeah yeah yeah
i did see that monkey over there yeah last i
saw him he was on top of that building and he
was throwing at somebody the random witness you
see yes yes so um this guy okay this is um banished
from all early 1980s Me and my good buddy Davey
were hanging out. We were crazy longhairs that
the average teen would follow because we're longhairs.
We're kind of like the Pied Piper of teens. People
used to look at us and go, well, there's the
party. Let's just follow them around until they
go to it. I've done that. Yeah, they used to
do it all the time. We'd be like, where are you
guys going? Cleveland? Ohio? No, Missouri. That
guy looks like he might have beer. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. So they'd just start following us, and
that's just the way it were. And then we'd all
introduce, hey, I'm so -and -so, I'm so -and
-so. We'd have a good time, Cleveland Lake or
something. Slamming beers, doing stupid shit.
So Davey and I had certain buddies that would
walk up and hear the bullshit that we're spewing
and then help seal the deal. They'd sell it.
Completely. One guy that walked around to help
us was a punker named Jason. Jason was really
cool because he looked like the type of guy that
wouldn't like us. But we got to talking to him
and we saw eye to eye on everything except music.
Everything else, we were the same, you know?
Fuck society, fuck the average guy, fuck this,
fuck that, you know? But when it came to music,
you know, we were like fucking listening to Motley
Crue, which you're like, yeah, and he was listening
to, I don't know, the Ramones, or even deeper
than that, you know, Dead Kennedys, The Germs.
Television. Yeah. Yeah, he was a real punker,
so he had... Yeah. He had an orange mohawk. Sweet.
Or black spike leather. And Doc Martens. So,
I mean, you know, you got the guy, right? You
know who I'm talking about. Great guy, though.
I'd love to know what happened to him. So, Jason,
if you happen to hear this abortion, please...
Oh, I guess that's a bad word now, isn't it?
Oh. This atrocity. There we go. If you happen
to hear this horrible atrocity, then, you know,
hey, send us an email. Yeah. I forgot what the
valid email is, so. We put so many bullshit ones
out there, we can't remember our real one. I
know. There is a valid one, and I can't remember
what the hell it is. We also have an actual real
phone number. Hell if I know that one either.
Yeah, so I can't even remember the real one.
There you go. Show prep. Yeah. Here I was talking
about show prep and making a big deal out of
it, and I can't even remember our email. So,
anyhow, meanwhile, there's this one security
guard named Sam that I kind of alluded to or
actually went into a little bit. Sam was a jealous
little pussy bitch. He constantly tried to get
me kicked out and barred from the mall. And like
I said earlier, he did for a while, for a couple
of weeks. And we went to court. I got back in,
which really fumed his ass, burned his ass. Because
every time I seen him, I was like overzealous
about him. Hi, Sam, how are you? He came over
for dinner tonight, little guy. A little tiny
bit of authority he had, and it's gone. You look
cute today. I beeped his nose one time. He came
out and went unglued. So, you know, me and Davey
used to play Moon Tricks on Sam constantly. Sounds
like he deserved it. Oh, he did, you know. So
we quickly went to Jason to be the casual guy
walking by to sell it. So Jason's over in the
corner where the movement theaters upstairs used
to be because then they went downstairs for a
while and then they disappeared. Oh, yeah. Yeah,
they used to be upstairs, mid -upstairs. So I
think right across from Food Court maybe. If
I remember correctly. Now in my mind, I'm getting
confused with Ward Parkway because their movie
theater shifted around a bit too. Okay, well,
anyhow, this is when they were upstairs because
I remember that part well because people were
coming in to go to movies and were screwing with
them. Yeah. So Davey and I set this one up perfectly.
We had a buddy that he won a backstage pass to
Great White. I'll remember that. It's a video
shoot, okay? As an extra. Oh, that'd be cool.
Yeah. And he was in it. I don't know if it was
once bit or something else, but he was in it.
And on the back was stamped used. But on the
front, it had an MTV logo. It didn't have a specific
band. It didn't say Great White. It just said,
Extra for MTV Video Shoot. And I remember really
well it was green with an orange MTV on it with
her famous logo. Yeah. It was really cool looking
and it was like made with some sort of a... Some
sort of really thick paper, and it was engraved,
I guess. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was raised. It felt
great. It felt like the seal of something. Embossed
paper. Embossed, yeah. Raised printing. Raised
printing, whatever. Makes it a lot harder to
counterfeit. Plus, it makes it look cool. So
our friend agreed to let us borrow this for a
little while. We got it back to him, like we
said. We didn't tear it up or steal it or nothing.
Davey started waving the card in the air and
making fun of me because... he got this and i
did you know he's like yeah yeah i'm gonna be
on this uh i'm gonna be on this uh whatever you
know yeah so the way around going i'm gonna be
on the video and you're not because you're too
stupid and you couldn't win and all this stuff
right so this magical card was supposed to be
a freebie to be an extra on the set of mtv this
is what we set it up to be right a list of hundreds
of bands the secret mtv got walking around was
he was walking around the mall and this was going
to be sam eventually so the secret mtv guy that
has these free magical passes was sam only he
didn't know it so baby's like yeah yeah and i'm
like asshole yeah all this stuff so automatically
see people getting ready to walk in right getting
ready to go to movie Yeah, just like magnetic.
They're just staring at us. And Davey's like,
and all this stuff. I'm like, man, that sucks,
man. You get to go and I don't. So Davey is waving
this around, making fun of me, and Jason will
walk by. They go, yeah, I fucking won one too,
but I threw it at him because there's no punk
bands on it. Fuck that. I don't want to go. So
all of a sudden, all these kids are fucking coming
over. What was this? That's so clever. Oh, yeah.
We set it up perfect. So the reason that we picked
Sam to do this on that day was because we had
the card for a couple of days. He was wearing
plain clothes. And I guess he thought he was
going to catch soft lifters or something, not
wearing his little fucking bitch outfit that
he normally wore. So Jason, instead of us, goes,
Yeah, that fucking little douche right there
is the one. That's the secret MTV guy. We didn't
even say it. He did it. It sold it even more.
Because all these teens are like, you know, fucking
their heads spun around and they're staring at
him. So Jason said, yeah, he goes, yeah, I bit
him on the ear to get one. So the story was,
was this. It's getting better and better. The
more outrageous you were, the more likely you
were to get a free pass. Oh, that's perfect.
Yeah. So automatically, he had like 50 teens
jumping in front of him, fucking biting his ear,
kicking him in the ass. One guy was clucking
like a chicken in his face. Another guy's like,
look, I'm a bird. Some guy fucking jumped off
to one side. Another guy ripped off one of the
trees and hit him with a switch. And Sam was
just fucking freaking out, man. He's like, what
the fuck? And they're like, we want a pass. We
want a pass. He's like, what pass? This probably
went on for fucking 25 minutes. He was losing
his mind. Yes, he was. He didn't know what was
going on. What planet did I wake up on? You get
10 teens away from him, right? And then you have
10 more teens attacking. So we leave. We let
this go on and let it go downhill. And those
teams told another one, get the pass from that
fucker. He didn't give us anything. So this just
kept rolling on and rolling on and rolling on.
We come back a couple hours later. Oh, no, I
know what we did. We went to Andy's Santa Fe
and had a burrito. I remember the Andy's. We
weren't even old enough to drink, but we still
did because they never carded there. We both
had margaritas. We were fucking laughing at our
feet on the table and shit. Davey had fucking
flip -flops on, so they eventually got mad and
kicked us out because you could see his toenails
hanging out. People did like that. Yeah. So,
anyhow, we get back in, and all of a sudden we
see Sam coming by, all disheveled. By this time,
everything was gone. It was all said and done.
I go, hey, Sam. I go, do you want to know where
all that came from? Us. Davey pulled out the
card and said, see this? I go, yeah, you just
been had, bitch. Oh, he was fucking furious.
He turned right back. You motherfucker. I'm going
to get you out of here. I'm going to get you
guys kicked out for good. I go, what for? I didn't
do anything against them all. We didn't get kicked
out. That was one of the best fucking breaks
we ever played. It was brilliant. And I just
thought about it the other day. I'm like, my
God. There are some other ones I've got to remember
that we did to him, too. And then I got another
one. You listen to the solo cast, right? I'm
going to tell the story about the nut buyer.
Oh, yes. Oh, gosh. Hey there, slap nuts. It's
time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little
pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your
music news. This November, Bad Company will be
inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Only two of the band's original members remain,
Paul Rogers, the singer, and drummer Simon Kirk,
the latter of which said the odds of them performing
at the ceremony are very good. It's not a definite
just yet, though. I don't know. I know that we've
been approached to play a couple of songs Kirk
recently explained to Defenders of the Faith
podcast. I've spoken with Paul. Paul's health,
as you know, is not good. But I think I'm crossing
my fingers that we will be able to play at least
one song. I don't know what that is yet, and
I don't even know who's going to be inducting
us yet. Simon, we hope you are correct. We would
love to hear one last song from you two. This
is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music news,
and remember, bar chords are bullshit. They used
to call it Jump -O -Lean until your mama got
on it. Hey everybody, this is Uncle Rob. I'm
gonna give you some tips for life. Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas
City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I
am Rob at the beautiful angle arm of Lake of
the Elepharts and Cup Black studio. Whack, whack.
That was a bad whack, whack. Mine wasn't too
good either. I've had a long weekend. Yeah, everybody
just deal with it. Our animal noises aren't quite
up to par tonight, but you'll get through it.
All right. All right. I've got some emails here.
First one is, Mark, I have a stray cat stuck
in my tree in my backyard. This cat yells louder
than your show cat. Oh, I feel sorry for you.
Oh, shit. Yeah. You probably don't get any sleep
at all. I'm not sure what to do. Do you have
any ideas? Walter at Penn Valley Parkway. I do.
Yeah, I do, too. Cut down the tree. Rob, you
got something? There you go. That cat will come
out of that tree. I guarantee it. Guarantee.
I promise you. I promise you that cat will come
out. You might want to go with Rob's before mine.
I'm not for sure. It would be kind of funny to
cut the tree down and see the cat go. Yeah, you
probably heard you. Yes, there you go. Rob has
the answer, not me. You should have asked Rob.
Why do people send it? Oh, I know why. Because
it's funny. I'm telling you, the people that
listen to this podcast are fucking funny. Some
of the stuff they come up with. Oh, it's great.
Oh, oh. It's great. And also, yeah, we have another
one of your recipes. Did you know that you have
a famous raspberry squirrel lemon cake, Rob?
Did you know this? No, I did not. Well, I'll
tell you about it here in a minute. Oh, my God.
I got Mitch's one right here. Ron. Okay, okay.
Well, I'm going to forget about the raspberry
swirl because I got some shit from Mitch. Okay.
We'll get back to that swirl. And the world.
And the world. Okay, we'll get back to the raspberry
swirl a little bit later. But first, we have
Mitch here. Rob, we just renamed Rob Rad South
End Beach. Dollar General stepped up with the
naming rights. Dollar Beach is the new name.
Sorry, Rob. Mitch, still heartbroken by Rob's
betrayal. Rob? All right. Well, here comes the
major announcement in the world. Okay. I'm going
to do it, Mark. I'm going to do it. Okay. Street
Talk. Lucas Oil Speedway is where I've seen a
really heavy little 10 -year -old girl do somersaults
all the way down the concourse over and over
and over because it's all grass. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Well, I told you about my last... That
is very close. I looked at her. I said, babe,
those are some badass cars. She looked at me
and says, dear, no, this is boat week. Those
are boats. And they're rattling on windows in
the diner. So, yeah. That's pretty solid. Let's
see. What can you say now? I'm keeping everything.
You can say right next to the beautiful Lucas
Oil Speedway. Yes. There you go. There you go.
All of you girls had your chance. You threw it
away. The world just heard it. Yep, that's it.
I told her it was coming. There's a lot of young
ladies throwing themselves off the road right
now and crying in despair. Well, Frances is 13
years younger than me, so. Okay, well, all of
these are 13 years younger than you, Frances.
And they just threw themselves off the road and
they're screaming, I should have went for it.
We have the communication. We got everything.
That's awesome. Good. Hopefully one of the best
relationships of my life. Yeah, I think it will
be. I think it will be that. If not, I end up
back at Lake of the Ozarks. There you go. Hey,
dude. Oh, shoot. Okay. This is Ronnie in Tulsa.
Yes. He canned this episode, but I'm going to
go ahead and read it. I got it all down. Hey,
douches, I'm almost done with the first episode
of my new podcast. Ronnie Rance is the name I'm
going with. I would love it if you could play
it and let me know what you think. Ronnie in
Tulsa, the Tulsa King. He has since changed that.
He scrapped it, and I listened to what he said,
and I agree it needed to be scrapped. He needs
a different delivery. He needs to come up with
a... a better area to record in because his voice
was so tinny that you couldn't really tell what
he was saying. But as far as Ronnie Rantz and
the content, I think it was fine. It was just
the sound. But when he gets it all up, we're
going to play some right here. Yeah, I want to
hear it. Yeah, I want to listen to it. Well,
everybody's going to get a sample of it because
we're going to play a little bit of it on this
program. Right on, right on. Yep. Rob, where
can I purchase your book, How to Track Your Enemy
by Scent? I want to buy a few copies for Christmas
gifts. Thanks, Earl in Massachusetts. Rob? Okay,
P .O. Box 3569, Hampton, Missouri. Send a request.
I will ship it out to you. There you go. Rob,
could you give me the secret ingredient in your
famous raspberry swirl lemon cake? Rob? Easy.
Okay. Easy. My secret ingredient? Love. That's
all they're asking, my secret ingredient? Yeah,
it's love. You put a slice of love in there,
right? No, it's not. No, it's not. It isn't love?
Okay. It's jalapeno. Oh. Well, jalapeno's close
to love. All right. There you go, jalapeno. Thanks
for your secret ingredient, Rob. That was very
kind of you to go ahead and let loose with that.
You didn't have to. Thank you for the heads up
on that one. Yes. Mark, I would love it if you
could do some Secret Society short takes. I would
love to hear the information you uncover. Tessa
in Montgomery, Alabama. I think by Secret Societies.
I think she's talking about the Illuminati. Yes,
yes, yes. That's where she needs to go to listen
to her friends. Yeah, but our friend Jason just
stepped down. He's not doing podcasting anymore.
Okay, but that's fine. I still like the other
guys. They still put on a hell of a show. No,
I just wanted to let everybody know if they listened
before because of our recommendation. It's a
little different. but he still supports them,
and they still do a fantastic job. So, yeah,
yeah. And I forgot, what is the name of it? Let
me check on that or something. God damn it. I
was hoping you'd remember. I have it somewhere.
Yeah, I got it. Where the hell do I have it?
Oh, shit. Oh, I know. It's just that I don't
want my music to start playing. Okay. Oh, let's
get to the bottom of that. There we go. There
we go. Let's get to the bottom of that, is the
name of the podcast. Yes. And I was actually
telling Prince about that. That's some shit Prince
is going to get into. Okay, cool. He's into shit
like that. I will do some short takes like that,
yes. But, I mean, the true experts are less to...
Let's get to the bottom of that. Yeah, listen
to these guys. They are awesome. I will do some
of them and some things I've noticed about like
the Federal Reserve and Jerome Powell and all
that whole thing. You know what? I'm just going
to save it for the short take. So anyhow, that's
the end of the email. So Rob, do you have something?
Yeah, I do. Two of the greatest boxers of all
time have agreed to a fight. TMZ Sports has learned
that Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather have signed
a deal to square off against one another. Wow.
and exact date and precise location are not yet
known but nonetheless Tyson said Yeah, an expedition
match. Just like Tyson and Jake Paul. I like
that. I like that. Because they're older. And
in the article I read, the reason why they're
doing that is because of Tyson's age. Yeah. And
it's an expedition match. Yeah. So, you know.
Yeah, I think it's going to be great. I think
so, too. You know, Jake Paul, I guess any other
retired dude. But now, from what I hear, and
I'm going to come up with that story, he's got
a real match coming. But, yeah. Yeah, there we
go. We got Tyson versus Floyd Mayweather. Cool.
Very cool. I'm all for that. I think that, if
nothing else, it's going to be intriguing, right?
I think it's just to make money. Well, of course
it is. Of course it is. All right. Let's take
our second break and come back. I've got a story
about Jet Belly. Sound all right? Sound all right.
Okay. We'll be right back. Have you ever looked
at something and said, hey, I wonder what the
origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why
we give you the origin of... The origin of the
middle finger. The origin of the middle finger
gesture as an insult is debated, but it's widely
believed to have roots in ancient Greece and
Rome, specifically asleep to phallic symbolism
and used as a way to express insults, taunt,
or even mourn off evil. The specific origins
are unclear. The middle finger has been documented
as a gesture of disrespected anger for over two
millennia. Swimming in toxic masculinity and
wiping their ass with politically correct wash
rags. Two douchebags and a microphone invade
your ear holes in three, two, one. Hey, my fellow
heavy breathers, this is Dash Riptide, your music
news. Quick music news for you tonight. Apparently,
on Ozzy Osbourne's death certificate, it has,
in the occupation department, rock legend. We
could not agree more. This is Gash Rooktine,
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,
you probably have ear damage, just like me. Four
out of five people surveyed said that TV douchebags
and a microphone podcast are more entertaining
than a gum infection. The fifth one called the
cops, and we had to leave. celebrating birthdays.
Oh, hey, look at the time. It's time for the
crazy -ass word of the day. Next up, things overheard
in hell. Man, Axel Rose is such a great childhood
therapist. I hope he writes more books. This
is Joshua Belmont, your food for thought man
on The Hustle. so i just realized a genius that
gets absolutely no credit his name is marshall
taylor he is credited with the first bag of salad
mix that was bagged and sold yesterday was his
birthday i believe he is still alive this guy's
genius will never be fully appreciated before
this ban we settled for iceberg lettuce with
maybe a couple of croutons and some cheese was
mr taylor satisfied with that hell no He realized
that Billy Americana would never go out and buy
a couple of radishes, a couple of carrots, a
head of purple cabbage, maybe snow peas, and
possibly some cute romaine bladders for extra
bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should have a national
holiday. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark
here in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap
studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful Niagara
Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. For now, in the Doug
Blind studio. Wham, wham. For now. For now. Yep.
What is jet bagging? It feels so good. I've been
holding that in for like two weeks. I know you
have. you've been wanting to say something. I'm
glad you finally got to, so. What is Jet Body?
I did not ask her permission to announce it,
but I did. Does she listen? That's not me. Does
she listen? Sometimes. Okay. There's a chance
she may not even hear it then. So there. Oh,
no. I'm going to straight up tell her. You're
just going to beg. You're going to throw yourself
at the mercy of the court, right? Yes, I am.
I got to. Okay. Well, good luck. Let me know
how that goes. We've already went from a wedding
party of four to about, oh, we're going to have
like 30, 40 people there already. And she's like,
what the fuck? We just want something small.
Okay. And it's all my fault. Fair enough. What
is jet belly, Rob? I don't have a clue. I'm waiting
to hear that from you. Okay. How do you milk
your gas in a plane seat if you need to have
a mid -flight toot? Are you feeling gassy at
30 ,000 feet? You're not flying solo. Whether
you're headed to paradise or jetting off for
business, many passengers find themselves battling
a different kind of turbulence when their guts
revolt mid -air. leaving them bloated, cramping,
and desperate for solid ground. I've been there
before. You? Yeah. No, I have not. Oh, that's
right. No, no, no. I keep forgetting. Yeah. Okay,
but you've had it in other places, you know,
like a bus or something or whatever. Yeah. All
right. To get to the bottom of this phenomenon
known as jet belly, the Post spoke to Dr. Brennan
Spiegel. a UCLA professor, director of health
services research at Cedars -Sinai, who also
broke down how to prevent it from wrecking your
next flight. Me, you just fucking do it, and
then everyone around you has to deal with it,
right? What are they going to do, jump off? Right.
Yeah, you go ahead and blast them, and you turn
around and you look at everyone else like they
did it, and they'll back down. They'll be like,
man, they think I did it. We were taught well
about that. Yeah. We were drained. You stare
everybody down like, who the fuck did that? And
all of a sudden, you're off the suspect list.
Hey, me. Hey, me. Was it you? Was it me? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. That thing. We were very well seasoned
at that. You glare at him and you're like, man,
I know that guy didn't do it. He's pissed. My
dad used to bomb me at Walmart, walk off, and
leave me for going away. The small ones. That'll
learn the kid. He's got to learn it sometime
or another. I'm tough than him. Oh, yeah. Oh,
yeah, he did. He was a pro at it. Oh, so he is
a farting dasher, huh? He fucking blasts me out
and he dashed. Oh, yeah, yeah. You'd hear him
two aisles over laughing his ass off. Thank you,
Dad. Good man there. Tell me well. I do that
to my son now. Good. Good. Oh, man. I can't do
this, Val, but there have been others that you
ever give them a Dutch oven. Oh, my God. Oh,
geez. You see, they can't open their mouth because
they'll suck and fart. So all they can do is
go and hold their breath underneath the covers.
It's evil. Got that treatment? Maybe, maybe not.
The same hair, there may or may not have been
a couple of exes that had that treatment. I cannot
confirm or deny. But it very well was in the
realm of possibility of something like that happening,
right? That's right, including shoving someone's
head underneath the covers and holding them there.
I got all bases covered there. Yes. Okay, what
is jet belly and why does it happen? It's a nickname
for bloating and cramping many people get on
airplanes. At sea level, Spiegel explained, gravity
pulls air molecules tight to the earth, keeping
the atmosphere dense. But as you climb higher,
the air thins and pressure drops. Even though
airplane cabins are pressurized, they don't fully
match sea level, so your intestines inflate a
little, said Spiegel, author of Pool, How Gravity
Shapes Your Body, Steadies Your Mind, and Guides
Our Health. What a long book title. I'd never
read that, would you? In other words, it makes
you shit. Yes. Yeah. Okay, there we go. Thank
you. That means gas is... Keep it simple. Yes.
That means gas is trapped in the gut expand,
almost like a sealed snack bag puffing up in
mid -flight. He continued. In a 1969 study, researchers
found that abdominal gas in 18 military men who
agreed not to fart during a simulated flight...
That's why I had to read this article. It's fucking
bizarre. They all agreed not to fart. Hey, hey,
hey, Sam, yeah. You're going to not fart? Hey,
what about you? I'm not going to fart either.
Hey, hey, Frank. Nope, nope, not me. I'm not
going to fart. I'm going to hold it in. I'm going
to hold it in. But hey, hey, hey, our military
are some of the best trained. True, true. So
they all agreed not to fart. More than quadrupled
as the altitude climbed from ground level to
nearly 30 ,000 feet or so, Spiegel said. The
experience is just mildly uncomfortable, but
for others it can be downright painful or even
trigger a flare -up of colitis, a type of colon
inflammation in people with conditions like Crohn's
disease. Jet belly is a reminder that while our
bodies evolved to resist gravity's pull, They're
also turned to atmospheric squeeze gravity creates.
He said when that squeeze loosens at altitude,
the gut often feels it first. Can you deflate
jet belly from your seat? Simple in -seat movements
can make a big difference, Spiegel said. So here
you go. We're coming up with solutions for you,
right, Rob? That's what we do here. Yeah, we
don't just spark out problems. We dig deep and
we find the answers for you. So this is no different.
So... Stay close to the bathroom. One of... Yes.
One of Spiegel's... Stay close to the bathroom.
That's how we do this. And if you could give
an upper decker in a plane, it would be fantastic,
but you can't because they don't have a... They
don't have a tank with water in it, so you can't
take a dump in there. Okay, well, hey, worst
case scenario, they have bars bags. True. Yeah,
there you go. Okay, so to do this jet belly release,
to do it, place your hand about two or three
inches below your belly button and press gently
but firmly. Then start massaging towards your
right side in the direction of your right hip
bone. Wouldn't you get arrested for doing this
on a plane nowadays? That's what I was thinking.
So, you start massaging forward right beside
your direction. I'm just visualizing it. I'm
just visualizing it. Yeah, you wouldn't go to
jail. Guys, I'm not making this up. This is on
the New York Post. For real. So, if you keep
going towards the direction of your right hip
bone, You keep doing this to help milk gas your
valve, your leucidical valve. The little gateway
between the small intestines and the clones,
Spiegel said. Once air moves into the colon,
which has much more capacity, it can be released
more easily. And yes, that could mean a discreet
mid -flight toot, he said. You got the story
tonight, brother. And also, there have been other
doctors that suggest these foods before you go
on a plane to reduce bloating. And they go as,
his name is Joseph Shulb. He recommends blueberries,
dates, dragon fruit, kiwi fruit, guava, papaya,
and pineapple to ease stomach bloating. He's
a stomach doctor. I get that. He said that these
seven foods in particular. before you get on
a plane, will help your gut not expand. So, there's
more to this, but I think everyone got the idea
of everything I was saying there. What do you
think, Rob? You think they got the idea? I think
you went all over the fucking map on that one.
I think I did too, so I think it's your turn.
Yeah. Yep. Okay. This is one you're going to
get into. Okay. Okay. I was alerted via my iPhone
that my camera had taken a picture because motion
was detected. As soon as I pulled up the image
to see what had triggered it, I was immediately
curious because I could see something huge standing
in the middle of the creek. Okay. And you can
go to YouTube to see this. I think I will. of
a possible Bigfoot, Missouri, incredible capture
by a trail camera. Nice. Okay, okay. This was
from Doc Holliday out of Sedalia. Okay. Finding
Bigfoot. Yep. Thank you. Actually, I ran into
another article, which I should have pulled that
one up. It was written by Matt Moneymaker. Oh,
wow. The BFRO. Okay. About this. So, yeah, and
you can find it on YouTube. I'm not sure. Just
look up Bigfoot, Missouri. I don't know. Okay.
All right. Thank you. I've got another story
here I'm pretty proud of, like the last one about
the gas. Yeah. You want to hear it? Why not?
All right. Fox Business reported on August 21st
that a U .K. snack company launched corn chips
this summer that taste like licking a 9 -volt
battery. Cool. Yeah. Apparently this was a fad
in the 90s. It was a fad in the 80s. Remember
when we were little students? That takes me back
to being a kid. Yeah, when I was a little bitty
turntot, I used to do that. I'd be like, wow,
man, boy, that shocked a little bit. I better
not do that. Yeah, well, you know, yeah. So apparently...
All of our friends did it, but yeah, we can still
shock our men to doing it. All the time. All
the time. Yeah. It's just like pissing on an
electric fence. You could always find some asshole
that knew better, but did it just because you
kept talking to him. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah,
you can always find someone to get really good
on those. So, anyhow, a spokesperson for, oh,
wait a minute, hang on. Rewind now offers a stackable
way to revisit one of the 90s weirdest shared
experiences, or 80s too. No batteries required.
the company said. A spokesperson said the chips
deliver a very hard -hitting acidic zing to the
tongue, followed up by some salty metallic notes.
Oh, by the way, we do not recommend or condone
licking, biting, or otherwise ingesting real
batteries, the company clarified. For now, the
chips are the only available in Dutch retail
outlets, but they hope to get them outside of
their country soon. So there you go. You can't
have them right now, but maybe in the future
you might be able to eat some chips, some corn
chips. And it'll just taste like those delightful
9 -volt batteries we used to lick. Dude, I want
some. Me too. So how about that? I followed up
the farting on a plane with that. Fucking brought
the hammer, didn't I? Brought the hammer. Yeah,
you did. I brought the fucking hammer. You were
prepared tonight. I had a busy week. Well, I
had the sledgehammer and I was waiting in the
dark. That's all. It's done now. Rob, we turn
it to you. Okay. The Seattle Seahawks are taking
drastic action to crack down on bad behavior
from fans this season. Okay. Some games at Lumen
Field last season were sadly attended by... causing
trouble and running games for decent -mannered
supporters. I get this. I get this whole story.
The franchise will deploy undercover police officers.
anonymous report any inappropriate activity that
is disrupting their enjoyment during the game
by texting and messaging. I agree. And weed some
of the bad apples out. Yeah. You know what I
mean? People go there to have fun. Yeah. And
what do we hear about? Fights, whatever, you
know. I think that's a great idea. Cool. I do,
too. All right. Rob, it's 9 .15. Do you want
to keep going or do you want to go ahead and
end this? You're the one that's got to get up
early. Well. Okay, let me find something here.
Have you got something else? Yeah, I'll find
something here. Let's see. Okay. Ralphie the
Four, a .k .a. Ember, is the mascot of the University
of Colorado Buffaloes, or was, until she became
indifferent to running. The Athletic reported
on August 26. The tradition of the bison charging
ahead of the CU football team at the beginning
of the game started in 1967. They typically also
run at the start of the second half. The animals
and their handlers can reach speeds of up to
25 miles per hour. And Ralphie Five, once got
so excited, she pulled loose from the guide ropes
at the start of the game. But Ember is just not
into that at all, the school said. It was determined
that it was in Ember's best interest to focus
on relaxing strolls in the pasture, which is
her favorite hobby, a statement read. A succession
plan to Ralphie the Five has been in place for
months, but it's not known when Ralphie the Six
will take the field. So there you go. If you
didn't know that Colorado Buffalo's Buffalo is
Ralphie 5, now you do know. And if you're wondering
if she likes to do the running like all the other
ones, other Ralphies, no, she does not. And just
so you know, they're looking for Ralphie 6 right
now. All right, Rob, that's all I got. Because
with the name Ralphie, they wanted another male.
Yes. Unlike her. Anyway. There you go. That's
why she didn't run. She didn't like him calling
her Ralphie. Exactly. She's like, who the fuck
are you talking to? Yeah, she's like, fuck you
guys. I ain't doing it. Uh -uh. What's up? All
right. Anyhow, thank you, everybody, for listening.
Hi, Albuquerque. Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy.
We love you guys. Have a good night, assholes.
Hi. Hi, Grandma Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Hi, Albuquerque.
Hi, was it Hicksville? Oh, Hicksville. Yeah,
I keep forgetting about Hicksville. I'm sorry,
Hicksville. Yes, yes. Hi, Hicksville. Yes. All
right. Anyhow, everyone. I was the one with the
long weekend. Yep, that's true. Everyone, thank
you for listening. Go fuck yourself. Good night,
assholes. I'm just joking. Good night, assholes.
Oh, no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark
has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading
your ear holes soon.