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podcast today. Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the
Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful
angle arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the Dunk Blind
studio. That was a horrible goat I just did.
Let me try that again. That's a little better.
I don't know. All right. Yeah, my goat's been
kind of really bad lately. I don't know what.
I mean, my voice is raspy or some shit for, I
don't know. Mine is, too. I think it's actually
allergens. It's been so dry here lately that...
That might be what it is. I think ragweed's starting
to appear now. We're getting close enough to
fall, and ragweed is what really fucks me up.
Ragweed carries a baseball bat. Oh, that stuff.
I mean, it's suffocating. It's so heavy in the
air sometimes, you know? You know what I mean?
Yeah, I do. Whether you're mowing your lawn or
the neighbor is or whatever, and it's up in the
air and you walk out, you can feel your eyes
burning. It's almost like a blanket that goes
over your nose. Oh, it's bad stuff. And that
stuff right there is ragweed. And to me, that's
the worst stuff around. And I know a lot of other
people like you that say the same thing. They
go, you know, pollen and all that, yeah, it sucks,
but ragweed is the worst. So, anyhow. So Rob,
you know the term Frappuccino, right? Yeah. Okay.
It's a registered trademark of Starbucks. Starbucks
owns the exclusive rights to use the name of
it for their blended coffee beverages. This means
that no other company can legally use the term
Frappuccino to describe their drinks. The Frappuccino
was originally developed by the Coffee Connection,
a Boston -based company. chain but starbucks
acquired the rights to the name when they purchased
the coffee connection in 1994. so now i want
you to help me try to figure this out rob i'm
kind of puzzled as why after all these years
i now see three local food and coffee places
using the name instead of frat pay Now, everyone's
been using Frappe for years. McDonald's, Dunkin'
Donuts, all of them, right? They say Frappe,
you know it's a Frappuccino. It's a blended ice
drink, right? Coffee drink? Yeah. Yeah, everybody
uses Frappe. So, was there some sort of legal
deal? I couldn't find it after so many years
or so. I think most people, you know, they do
understand that Frappe equals Frappuccino. You
know, if you're looking for a milkshake type
of a coffee drink, you know, that you know that
it's a Frappe. So I noticed the local places
use brand names in their products as well. And
I don't know how they're getting away with this.
And it's just been lately or it's been three
places I've been doing it. I've been using Frappuccino.
And then another place is using Heath Bar Frappuccino.
And then another place. is using, which one was
it now? Not Heath Bar. Oh, Butterfinger Frappuccino.
They're using this. I'm a Butterfinger fan. I
really am. It is really good. It's this restaurant.
I'm not going to say the name because, you know
what, if they catch them, that's all right. I'm
not going to rat them out. But it's called a
Butterfinger Frappuccino. And the reason I know
that they're not getting clearance to use. The
Butterfinger name is because whenever you see
Coke or Pepsi, right, they always have a little
emblem. Because they're selling that, Coke and
Pepsi gave them the right to that registered
emblem that they have, okay? You know, they like
that. It's great for selling. Well, this, there's
no emblem on it, no Butterfinger emblem or no
Heath Bar emblem or nothing. So I'm relatively
sure they didn't pay for any rights or anything,
and they're just, like, buying the candy bars
and, you know, smashing them into the drink.
So what I'd like to know is, do you think, like...
Like, maybe these places are like, it's been
so long since, you know, it's been a registered
trademark for so long that these little places
are doing it now because they figure that, like,
by now, Starbucks and Heath and all them don't
really give a shit if one little small place
uses their name. Yes. That's what I think, too,
because it's been three at once, all of a sudden
they just pop up, and I look for any type of
news at all about it, and there's nothing. So,
nothing came up saying, hey, anybody can use
the name. You know, these guys don't have a right
to it or whatever. So, I thought it was interesting.
So, and if you started seeing this happening,
let me know. But I think what it is, is I think
they kind of determined, and I'm not for sure
this is my own thought, okay. I think they kind
of determined that nobody gives a shit anymore.
That's what I think. So. Including those companies.
Here's this little bitty standalone mom -and
-pop place using it. They're probably like, we
don't care. They're not really hurting us any.
So, anyhow. I agree with you. I do. I do agree
with you. You think that's probably what happened?
Yeah. I think so, too. I think they're probably
like, you know what? We're going to do this little
place down the road here. I think they're probably
like, we're going to do this until they fucking
smack us in the hand and say no more. Right?
Yep. Yep. Okay. I mean, I think it's great business.
I would. I would, too. I just keep doing it.
And, you know, if they come give you the hand
of God, per se, then you're like, okay, sorry.
We didn't realize it or whatever. Beg for mercy
or whatever the hell they do. I don't think they
could shake you down for very much money. They'd
have to prove damages. And I don't know how a
little small stand -alone place would give damages.
Okay. You know, the man with the world's largest
wiener, he slips and breaks his arm in the shower
because his giant penis got in the way, Rob.
I've had that problem. You've had that problem?
No, I'm kidding. It was a very embarrassing accident.
Being well endowed... Oh, my God. What a... That's
not a horrible thing to... Caught me for the
night already. Yeah. You imagine going to the
doctor. What happened? I tripped on my penis.
What? Yeah. Oh, I quit. Be serious. No, no. I
tripped on my penis. It's huge. Well, you've
heard of people who Mammoth members have injured
their partners, and I didn't write this. However,
a UK man with the world's largest Johnson reportedly
hurt himself after slipping and breaking his
arm in the shower because his huge wiener got
in his way. It was a very embarrassing accident,
Matt Barr told Jam Press, of the phallus -induced
injury. Oh, my God. A unusually big penis might
sound like a blessing, but there are a myriad
of downsides, including struggling to get dressed,
feeling faint while erect, and bizarre propositions,
which he details in his book, A Long Story, Life
with One of the World's Largest Penises. He's
got a book out. I got one, too. Okay. But listen
to that. A Long Story, Life with One of the World's
Largest Penises. I mean. Yeah. You know what?
I've got to buy one of those. It's got to come
in here in the Talk is Cheap studio. I've just
got to have it sitting there. Whenever I take
a picture to pimp that we're doing a show, have
it right there. Christmas gifts. Christmas gifts.
Yes, that's it. That's it. It's just like, have
you ever noticed... Whenever I take a picture
of the Talk is Cheap studio and say, hey, you
know, come on, we're doing a show. Come on and
get it tonight. Yeah, yeah. If my board is on,
if my computer board is on, if the monitor is
on, I always have somewhere written in there,
if you can read this, go fuck yourself. So that's
anybody that, like, blew it up to see what I
was, you know, reading or whatever. And I want
to know. Write me if this is happening. If you
blew it up, it is like twodouches at mail .com.
No, I didn't even know. Yeah, I've done it like,
I don't know, four or five times now. And when
I blow it up, you can see it as plain as day
once you blow it up. Anyhow, twodouches at mail
.com. Let me know if I got you because I'm pretty
proud of it. It would be nice to know if you
did that. Oh, you fucker. Okay, so anyhow, one
of the issues with being so large, especially
in hot water showers, is that not exactly easy
to see my feet, the London resident recalled.
As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn't
see the excess shower gel in the tub because
my penis was the only thing in my eyeline. Must
be nice. Yeah, must be nice. Hey, hang on. What's
that on the floor? I better move my penis out
of the way. Oh, okay, that's nothing. Just a
little piece of hair. Okay, I'm all right. Get
a bungee cord wrapping around your neck. Tape
it to your leg. I don't know. He explained, I
slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the
tub completely head first and crack my shoulder
on the hard floor. He received two fractures
that left him in excruciating pain and forced
him to wear a sling, but not on his penis. So
that needed to be out there, didn't it? Yeah,
definitely. Yeah, yeah. So the other day I was
pondering some turd questions, right? Okay, now
hear me out here, okay? I am, I am. Why is that
when you're taking a dump, it always appears
to be the turd that you work the hardest on?
It turns out to be like little shit pellets.
The ones that you're laboring on that you're
sure are just like, you know, four feet long,
right? You're sitting there just struggling.
You're like, oh my gosh, this thing's got to
be terrible. My, my, man, it's, oh gosh. Then
you look in there and it just looks like a couple
little fucking rabbit pellets, right? Yeah. Okay.
So, and then the ones that just seem to take
a split second. turned out to be a monster log
that's almost coming out of the stool. You know
what I'm talking about? I know exactly what you're
talking about. Yeah, yeah. So I think everybody
has this turd awareness, right, and they try
to use it, but it actually doesn't work. Because
I was thinking this the other day, you know,
it was like, you know, how come I'm laboring
on this turd that I think I'm dropping, and it
looks like rabbit turds. And then, you know,
one time I run in there real quick. I'm like,
okay, man, that was disappointing. And then you
look down and it's a fucking cornback rattler
looking right at you. So, you know, and then
also there's a different degree to it, too. All
right. If you hear a real soft, gooey turd and
it hits a dry area of the stool, you know damn
well you're going to have a mess, right? And
you're probably going to have to do some cleanup
sometime. So whenever you're taking a dump and
you hear that, the rest of your dump isn't enjoyable
anymore because you know. You know that there's
like this soft gooey turd on some dryness that
doesn't have any water in it and it's just sitting
there and it's probably going to stay there until
you do something like hit it with a plunger or
something, right? Yeah. Look, I'm just saying
this, okay? I was just noticing this the other
day and I wanted to run it by you. So I guess
everybody is kind of in the same boat with us.
Well, first of all, I want to apologize to all
of our listeners because it sounds like you're
in a mood tonight. Yes, I am. Yeah, I could tell.
This is going to be a fun night. Yeah, I didn't
get a lot of sleep last night because this new
medication from arthritis. I think... I think
kept me up all night. I had severe insomnia last
night. The kind that makes you snap and mad,
right? Where it's like, I'm fucking tired as
hell. How come this isn't working? I need to
sleep. Yeah, but you're talking about turds.
Come on. Well, we are douchebags. Why not? We're
douchebags. Why can't I talk about turds? Yeah,
exactly. We have freedom of speech. Yeah, yeah.
And if not, I'm going to be talking about some
other bullshit. So it might as well be turds.
But what I'm presenting to people, what I'm presenting
to you, Rob, and everybody else, is the truth.
Is it not the truth? It is. It is. Okay. I think
everybody in the world would agree. Am I the
only one that sits there and ponders this, though?
Am I like going, why is this? Oh, I'm sure everybody
has at one point in their life. Have you? Okay,
I don't feel so bad then. All right. I'm just
giving you shit. No, I'm just messing around
here. See, now I'm giving shit. Hell yeah, why
not? That's what we do here. So, like everything,
now I've got to get into a little bit more serious
subject. Are you ready, Rob? Okay, yes. All right.
Screwworms are amid the U .S. human cases of
it, that is. There's been animal cases for years.
It's a flesh -eating parasite. This isn't the
brain -eating amoeba, because that lady that
was at Lake of the Ozarks, what, a few weeks
ago? Right, yeah, yeah. This isn't that. That
was one of them subjects I'm not going to touch.
I knew you're not, and I just did that for a
reference here. Because, look, I mean... A lot
of lakes have that black algae in it. They do.
It's just unfortunate if you're one of the ones
that it gets in there to your head somehow and
eats your brain. It doesn't happen that often,
but most lakes this time of year when they get
stagnant, they get that black algae, right? Yeah.
So it's not like the lake is dirty or nothing
like that. It's just natural for that black algae
to form because it's not raining very much. The
water isn't moving like it should. Yeah, that's
the main thing. The water isn't moving. That's
the main thing about it. I learned this in pool
class. Yeah, yeah, the water isn't moving. It's
the water not moving is what causes algae. Yeah,
yep. So, yeah, you're right. So when the water's
not moving during the summer, you're not getting
rain or anything, and it's just not moving, that's
when the black algae forms. And then if you're
just very unlucky or whatever, or it's your turn
or whatever you want to call it, that happens.
So anyhow, back to this. This is a flesh -eating
parasite. A person in Maryland was recently infected
by the flesh -eating New World screwworm after
traveling to El Salvador. U .S. officials confirmed
this week. The blowflies primarily affect livestock.
Human cases are rare in a screwworm infestation,
also known as acylic flies. Female acylic flies
lay eggs in a fresh wound that quickly hatch
into larvae. The maggots burrow into and feed
on living tissue, potentially resulting in extensive
tissue damage, bacterial infections, and even
death, if unaddressed. So I guess... This screwworm
was unaddressed to this person in Maryland. A
U .S. Department of Health and Human Services
spokesman said this week that the risk to public
health in the United States for the latest case
is very low. Here's what you need to know about
this parasitic disease. As an outbreak rages
on in Central America and Mexico, historical
records show that the new world screwworm, scientific
name, Cochlamyia. And then it's got a second
name, Omnivore X. So, anyhow, put those both
together. I'm not going to say them again, okay?
Babelsnatch, okay? Posed a problem with livestock
in the U .S. as early as 1825. The pest became
a major issue in 1933 when it migrated from the
southwest to the southeast via a shipment of
infested animals, causing widespread livestock
death. In the 1960s, the U .S. employed the sterile
insect technique where millions of lab -raised
sterile male flies are released to mate with
a wild female so they can't lay viable eggs.
The New World Screwworm was largely eradicated
in the U .S. thanks to these efforts until a
small 2016 outbreak occurred among endangered
deer in Florida Keys. Do you remember that? About
2016, somewhere in there? I remember that story.
Yeah, me too, vaguely, but I remember that. And
so over 188 million sterile flies eliminated
that infestation in 2017, so they did it again.
The latest outbreak began in Panama in 2023 before
spreading throughout Central America and reaching
Mexico now, which is our next -door neighbor.
So it sounds to me by that article as they have
a solution. And that's these flies, these male
flies that they release to give them, to alter
their eggs to where they don't do that to humans.
So I think they're going to have to do that here
again here before too much longer, it sounds
like. It sounds like something that like, kind
of like, oh, measles, right? They knock it down,
it's gone for a little while, and then it keeps
rearing its ugly head. I think that that's what
this is, this parasitic new world screw worm
is, is it's like a little pain in the ass, and
it'll get someone every now and then. But when
it rears its ugly head, they stomp it down again,
and then they forget about it, and ten years
later it comes back, gets somebody, picks somebody
off, and they have to do that again. So, but
anyhow, it sounds fucking horrible. They actually
just burrow in your skin and start chewing away.
And they infest you. Kind of like you see a fly
infest an old gourd or something, you know. Yeah.
Yeah, kind of like that. They just start eating
your insides out. So, anyhow. Well, I personally
am not going to worry about it. No. You said
they're in Mexico? Yeah, they're in Mexico. Okay,
well, they've got to get past Trump's border
wall. Oh, they're not going to. No, no, no. He's
always going to answer for that. I had to go
there. I just had to go there. They have Uzis
on those worms right now. Yes. All right, come
on over, you little bastards. I had to go there.
I had to go there. And, everybody, this is jokes.
This is jokes. Okay? We are not making any type
of a political statement at all. Yes, because
honestly, I support the border wall. That's fine.
Yeah, let's get out of politics. Yeah, yeah.
Before we get in trouble. We'll get in trouble.
To me, the problem with politics is this right
here. You can say one thing, but people don't
believe it. You know what I say? Yeah. if we
start saying our opinion and people don't agree
with us, they're going to stop listening to us.
That's why we don't talk politics. People assume
you're all or nothing. I've never thought that
one person, one politician, had everything that
I love pegged. I've never thought that. There's
always been pluses and minuses to every one of
them. Some of them have a lot more minuses than
pluses, and some of them have a few more pluses
than minuses. The thing is, there's not that
perfect candidate out there for me. But whenever
you say something like give someone a compliment,
you know, all of a sudden you become that person.
Let me add, let me add. Okay. And it doesn't
matter what political party they are. No, it's
both. It's individually. Yeah, yes. I've seen
pieces of shit on both sides. We've talked about
this. Yeah, we've talked about this. Yeah, you
might agree with the party's principles a little
bit more, but at the end of the day, there are
always the fakes out there. The ones that say
that they believe what you like and all that
stuff, then they get in office and they do the
opposite. And there's a lot of them. Anyhow,
this is not a political show, so I have more
stuff. But, Rob, let's go to you. We're 23 minutes
in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I can add a little
more to that, but we're going to stop right there.
Okay, that's fine. Okay. Okay, well, I'm going
to go into our Lake Area news. All right. Yeah,
everybody's been wanting it, so you guys be happy
he's doing it. Yeah, and the ones that know this,
know this. Is this a major deal around here?
Okay. We call it the shootout. Yeah. you know
it's a big deal down here it really is they do
a whole week deal different it's a big deal for
people people go to the lake to see this yes
yes there is some major boats in this major offshore
racers the old cigar boat racing that was so
popular yeah it's just they still have offshore
racing and Okay. Okay. The first ever shootout,
Top Gun, was Randy Chisholm. That's what they
call the boat with the fastest speed. Okay. It
is Top Gun. Top Gun, okay. Okay. Okay. Shootout,
Top Gun. Randy Chisholm, not Jism. Right, Chisholm.
Yeah, Chisholm. Chisholm, not Jism. Right. Jism
means something else. In 1989. list and narrow
it down to the ones that made new records. Speed
records. Okay, cool. Okay? Sounds fair. Okay,
89, Randy Chisholm with 101. The very next year,
1990, Don Campbell hit a 112 new record. Okay.
16 .1 Yes. Missed long... I've got to see some
of this. Okay. In 2014, Spirit of Guitar, as
in the country, Sheik Hassan Ben -Jaber Al -Fanati.
Babble Snatch? Anyway, I'm going to go on to
this year's winner. Okay. Okay. Well, I'll just
say this, okay? Let's just say it like this,
Rob. If you have any questions about what everybody
ran, just look them up. Wow. Oh, my God. Oh,
my God, dude. What? Other notable results of
day one. Uh -huh. Kelly O 'Hara reached 147 in
his 40. That's the big boy offshore racers that
are actually, there's races that, you know, sanctioned
races they race in. This is the world's biggest.
And it's a big deal down there. And it's always
the weekend before Labor Day. And let me tell
you, cops are out. Yeah, so if you're going to
have a couple of pops, stay where you're at.
Yep, they're gone. Which we call NTF. The end
of the season? Yeah, we used to call it NTF until
it cracked down on us. I love it. NFTs. No more
NFTs, guys. No more NFTs. Although it was a wild
time, dude. Oh, I bet. I bet. Well, I mean, they
do that in other places, too. I mean, I like
New Orleans. New Orleans does that. There are
certain times where New Orleans isn't that busy.
I know that they don't go in the French Quarter.
They go just outside the French Quarter where
they have more reasonable drink prices called
Jefferson Street. And that's where they have
the NFTs at when things slow down during the
winter. So, no fucking tourists. But, you know,
I mean, there's always tourists in New Orleans.
There's just not as many. All right. Thank you,
Rob. Let's take our first break. And I got, I
don't know, about three or four emails. That's
all I have. I mean, it's only been a day since
our last one. So I didn't have time to get an
email. It's 2douches at mail .com. So help us
beef up our email next time. We'll be right back.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Should I record?
frog sounds in the summer than play them when
it's zero degrees on my ring doorbell for the
Amazon guy? Yeah, that sounds like fun. Tool
Dish bags a microphone in an effort to keep everything
fresh. We offer you first world problems. Oh,
shit. Look at that drive -thru wine. Surely you
don't expect me to actually have to go in? This
sucks. At age 30, you spent a month celebrating
birthdays. The term midget originated in the
19th century derived from midge, a small insect,
plus suffix et. There you have midge -it. Initially,
it referred to a small proportionate person.
sometimes used in entertainment world. However,
an association with freak shows and public displays
of people with dwarfism led to term becoming
widely considered derogatory and offensive. Today,
organizations like Little People of America advocate
the words removal from common usage with little
person or person with dwarfism being preferred.
Like we give a shit. Hey there, slap nuts. It's
time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little
pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your
music news. In a recent interview with WZLX's
Kenny Young, Joe Perry once again spoke about
the possibility of Aerosmith playing one final
concert. A year after the legendary rockers announced
that they were officially retiring from touring
due to singer Steven Tyler's vocal injury. Aerosmith
made the announcement August 2, 2024, nearly
one year after the 77 -year -old singer fractured
his larynx during a September 2023 show. Perry
said about the likelihood of another Aerosmith
show, We're actually talking quite a bit. I know
our touring days are over, but I don't know.
We're all flesh and blood. I don't know, but
I would say at some point we will all be together
on the same stage. If I was a betting man, which
I am. I would say at some point something's going
to happen, but we'll see. Stay tuned. This is
Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music news. And
remember, bar chords are bullshit. Hey there,
fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new
feature news nobody gives a shit about. A Japanese
man has grown a 63 -leaf clover. Hey everybody,
this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some
kicks for life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to
dick pics. Rule number one, title a pic in someone
else's name, so if you get busted, it's not yours.
Rule number two, shoot angles complementary to
your length and girth. Rob consumed small doses
of radiation for 30 years. Rob is immune to radiation.
Watch him glow. Watch Rob Red jump up 25 feet
and grab birds out of thin air with his mouth.
Rob can now be lent for children's parties and
bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come on and rent
your Rob today. That's right. Come by and rent
Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch Rob consume
seven bottles of night cream and still break
dance and moonwalk. Watch Rob Red. Fart down
a building. Fart down a building. Rob Red assumes
no responsibility whatsoever. He is not a babysitter
and he doesn't give one hell of a shit about
your children. Please remember to corral every
little bastard you have. Before Rob gets there,
and Walt will not put up with any backtalk, he
will promptly get them in the place. Rob Brayhead
assumes no responsibility for anything that could
be stolen from his visit. Rob Brayhead has no
responsibility whatsoever in any help him of
any situation. Read a Rob today. Four out of
five people surveyed said that two douchebags
in a microphone podcast are more entertaining
than a gum infection. The fifth one called the
cops, and we had to leave. Two douchebags, a
microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City
chapter at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am
Rob at the beautiful Magwell Harbor, Lake of
the Ozarks, at the Duck Blind studio. Real quick,
I got this word from a good friend of mine that
I met down in New Orleans and kept track of him
for a while. And if someone can confirm this.
They don't live in New Orleans anymore, but they
said that they found out through a good friend
that Leon's on Jefferson Street shut down. And
Leon's is some crazy good chicken, and it's really
reasonably priced because it's not in the French
Quarter. And also, Willie Mae's Scotch House
is another one, but I believe they closed down
in the 10th Ward. But Leon's on Jefferson Street.
Supposedly, it shut down. So, if anyone knows
anything about that, let me know. I couldn't
get anything definite on Google. So, yeah, if
you know anything about it, let me know. All
right, got some emails. Only like four of them,
it looks like. So, here we go. Mark, comparing
Ozzy's popularity to the Beatles is ridiculous,
so stop it. Kenneth in Oklahoma City. No, I stand
by it. What about you, Rob? I'm going to stand
by it too. Yeah, yeah, Ozzy. Because they both
started new music. Yeah, and there's more people
listening to music like that nowadays anyhow.
So if you compare it, you know, if you, oh, what
would you call it? If you take it to the size
it was back then, the Beatles may have had more
popularity, but right now, I'm telling you right
now, Ozzy had much more popularity than the Beatles.
But the audience has grown and the world has
grown. So I stand by it 100 % too, Rob. So, Kenneth,
I don't care. I stand by it. So, all right. Okay,
next. Will Topher ever be on the regular show
again? Frankie in Brownsville. Anytime he wants
to come on, right? He's got an open invite. I
think he's here. He's happy doing the music creeps
and the sports bastards, and he takes a lot of
time searching out articles because he comes
up with some really good articles, and he really
takes what he does seriously. All he really needs
is two shows a week because he does a lot of
delving into some nooks and crannies that a lot
of people doesn't. He's very thorough, and that's
all he really wishes to do, and he does it very
well. But if he ever wants to join us, We'd be
the first ones calling up. I'd love to have him.
I'd love to have him. Yeah. It's been a very
long time. Well, since the call ends, three years
since I've talked to him. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah,
he's always got an open invite. And so if he
wants to, he knows where I'm at. He meets me
every week to do the other two podcasts. So there
you go. All right. But he is a busy man also.
Yeah, yeah, he's like us. He has a life. He has
stuff going on. And also, like I said, two podcasts
is all he needs. He's got a lot of different
interests. He does a lot of different things.
And he really, really delves into some of these
issues that I don't have enough time for, and
I really enjoy that. So, I mean, I come up with
some stuff, but not like he does. So he's a perfect
complement to those podcasts, and it's fine with
me. Those two are great. All right. You guys
suck. You're not entertaining in the least. Tony
and Branson. Okay. Got anything? Well. Oh, go
ahead. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Okay.
I'll tell you what, Tony and Branson. I'm going
to be in Branson. Ooh. The weekend after Thanksgiving.
Yeah, we did. I know. Yeah, I'm going to Branson
that weekend. Tony, if you really, really don't
like us, look Rob up. Look Rob up. He's in the
Deuce Magmobile. All right? It is a 2012 white
Nissan Frontier. Got the name right across the
windshield. There you go. All right. You know,
internet tough guys? There's only one way to
prove it. You see the person, and you go down
to him, and you talk to him in person. So if
you really believe that, Rob's going to be right
there. So, all right. And I live steel for a
living. Yes. And besides that, there's a lot
of people that think we suck. Do we care? No.
There's a lot of people that like us. Well, here
we go again, and we mention this every time.
If we suck, Why do you bother to email us? Why
do you bother to listen? That's why I always
read them. It's like, okay, we suck so bad, we
compelled you to write us and tell us we suck.
Man, that's a lot of power. I mean, I'd be ashamed
if someone controlled me that well. Oh, my God.
Yeah. I mean, so, Tony. Okay? All right. Message
received. All right. We suck. Oh, what? Yeah,
we suck. We suck. There we go. We got it. I don't
feel any different. Do you, Rob? No. Okay. Well,
yeah, it's kind of let me down so far. Now that
I know for sure we suck, I don't feel any different.
I don't know what to say. Yeah, it's kind of
bumming me out. I think it's because we do that.
Oh, that's it. You're right. Oh, stating the
obvious. Oh, okay. All right. We knew it. We
knew it. Yeah, yeah. That's why it don't bother
us. So my official reply is, and? There you go,
and. And? All right. And finally, the nut scrape,
nipple yank is fine, but what happened to the
hairy asshole Olympics, Brett and Hartford? Brett
got us. Brett got us. We have neglected that.
No, no, no, no, no. I have an answer. Oh, okay.
Dude, we used pretty much everybody there was.
We were repeating them. Yeah, we were. Every,
the last couple were the same people from the
two before. Yeah. Because there's only so many
Harry celebrities. We could probably figure out
something else. We would have to dive really
deep and come up with people nobody knew to carry
that on. How about if we do a bold smoothie?
Who we think has a bold smoothie? Okay, okay,
now we're on. Okay, so how about that? Male and
female? Male and female, bold smoothie. Just
looking at it. Like one of my picks of a bald
smoothie, and I'm not saying no genitals. I got
my first one. I got my first one too, and you
know what? I'm not going to let loose with it
like you. You're right. I've already got one
in mind that I think is, and by the smoothie
does not mean no genitals. It just means no hair.
Smooth. Bald smooth. So it's nothing like that.
So we're not saying they don't have a penis or
anything like that. We're just saying that they're
smooth down there because they are groomed very
well. All right, Rob, that's the end of the emails.
Mitch didn't say anything. I don't know if he
didn't have enough time or if he's mad at us
for making fun of him and calling him a bitch
or whatever. Well, yeah, he's probably a little
mad at me because I'm taking your side. But,
hey, I warned him. I warned him. It's only been
a day. He probably hasn't had... He may not have
even heard the show yet. So, anyhow. So, I got
nothing from him. Yeah, he's probably too busy.
He's probably too busy setting up that fair that
nobody's going to be at. Yes. The Guest of Honor
can't even be there. Yeah, yeah. To me, it's
kind of worthless. If the Guest of Honor ain't
there, why even have it? Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.
Mitch, you caught me at the wrong time. I'm a
busy man these days. That's right. So now, if
you came up with an appearance fee, Mitch, we
might be able to work something out. Right, Rob?
A little cha -ching to sweeten the pot? $200,
I'll show up at Princess. There you go, Mitch.
If you're still listening to us. I don't think
he had time to respond. No, I'll charge them
$200, but I might add $200 on top of that, so
it's going to cost $40, for instance, sir. There
you go. That's the rules there. That's what it's
going to be, man. You want the man. You want
Rob the man, the guy that you love. You want
the man, you've got to take the woman. That's
right, and that's another $200. So you better
sack up and get that money and get it going.
Better start scrapping. Start scrapping. That's
right, bitch. Oh, I mean Mitch. And Clint, I
think that he lost his Narcan. That dude's gone.
I know him tight, bitch. He knows where he's
at. Yeah, he was out in front of that Dollar
General on the main road there. He was with Mitch
there at one time. Oh, he might have been at
the Dollar General in Freeman, because there
is one in Freeman. He might have been in front
of that with his little tin cup and his little
Narcan behind him. Yeah, I think someone stole
his Narcan while he wasn't looking, and I think
he reached for it. It wasn't there, so there's
no more Clint. So we have no more Clint to pick
on us, because, well, he's in drug -induced heaven
or whatever. Oh, if you do that, yeah, they won't
ever fight your body. Yeah. Nope. You've probably
been run through a wood chipper already and spread
all over somebody's crops. You'll end up down
in Amherst. Yes. Now, you know what? Our friend
the other day that lives down there in Cleveland,
she brought up something that I forgot. The Amarujis
are supposed to be really haunted because we're
talking about, you know, our trip to Eureka Springs.
Yeah, we're talking about our trip to Eureka
Springs and, you know, all the hauntings that
happened there. And I told her about what happened
this time about the big leather -bound book that
wasn't there. And she brought up the fact that
the Amarujis are supposed to be haunted because
they used to have those big battles there and
stuff between families and old Civil War stuff.
And there's been reports of apparitions there
every night. A lot of people see them when they
go there at night. Well, a lot of the dirt mounds
you see are dirt. Just like, you know, you'll
see, like, flat ground. And there'll just be,
like, this big old mound of grass, like, in the
middle of it. Uh -huh. And it's kind of flat
on top. Uh -huh. Yes. Yep. And they have a few
of them in that area. So, yeah, I could see where,
yeah, I see where it would be haunted down there.
I could, too. So I'd forgotten all about that.
And I lived down there and around there for years,
and nobody ever mentioned it to me. I mean, I
suppose all of this you could probably look up
in the archives and all that. So, anyhow, Rob,
we turn it to you. Jackson Rathbone, who played
Jasper Hale in the iconic vampire franchise,
has recalled how the 58 -year -old comedian's
Happy Madison briefly had the rights to big -screen
adaptions of Stephenie Meyer's books before Summit
I didn't know that either. That's interesting
to know, though. That's for sure. Wow. Okay.
All right. Thank you, Rob. Let's take our second
break, and we'll come right back. All right.
Sounds good. Okay. Thank you. Your mama's so
depressing. Blue singers come to visit her when
they got writer's block. Hey there, slap nuts.
It's time for The Creeps Music News. Hey, my
little pumpkin seeds, this is Johnny Rohypnol
with your music news. This November, Bad Company
will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall
of Fame. Only two of the band's original members
remain, Paul Rogers, the singer, and drummer
Simon Kirk, the latter of which said the odds
of them performing at this ceremony are very
good. It's not a definite just yet, though. I
don't know. I know that we've been approached
to play a couple of songs Kirk recently explained
to Defenders of the Faith podcast. I've spoken
with Paul. Paul's health, as you know, is not
good. But I think I'm crossing my fingers that
we will be able to play at least one song. I
don't know what that is yet, and I don't even
know who's going to be inducting us yet. Simon,
we hope you are correct. We would love to hear
one last song from you two. This is Johnny Rohypnol.
That was your music news. And remember, bar chords
are bullshit. This is Joshua Belmont, your food
for thought man on The Hustle. So I just realized
a genius that gets absolutely no credit. His
name is Marshall Taylor. He is credited with
the first bag of salad mix that was bagged and
sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe he
is still alive. This guy's genius will never
be fully appreciated. Before this man, we settled
for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons
and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with
that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,
maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine
bladders for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should
have a national holiday. All aware of the Amber
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wait for the running water sound. This clever
machine has three distinct settings, babbling
brook, ocean waves, and roaring river for those
close calls. Order today and get a free Cinnabon
Renusic cartridge. So you want proof that we
love you here at QD Spades and Microphone Central?
Here's a proof right here about the drink of
the week. Hey, my little bacon bits. Didn't you
need to get to Smashville pronto? Did your friends
start without you? We have your solution. Adios,
motherfuckers. Adios, motherfuckers is one stiff
drink. It should be used with caution. One half
ounce of vodka. One half ounce of rum. One half
ounce of tequila. 1 1⁄2 ounce of gin, 1 1⁄2 ounce
of blue curacao, 2 ounces of sweet and sour mix,
Sprite or 7 -Up, use a lemon wedge as a garnish,
and put in a highball glass. Bam. There you go.
The regular Joe Q. public may believe anything
he hears and sees, but not here at Two Douchebags
Microphone. Here at Two Douchebags Microphone,
we question everything. That's why we have a
little segment we'd like to call I Call Bullshit.
Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. So let me make
sure I have this correct. All the waiting for
Epstein client list. All the promises of justice.
All the huge names that were all over his private
island. Suddenly, there's no client list? It's
a well -known fact. Epstein kept a list of clients.
So Ghislaine Maxwell is rotting in prison and
has no memory of any of her visitors when she
was one of the hosts? You mean to tell me she
cannot spit out a few names? They barter with
every other criminal. Why not her? I'll tell
you why. Because power protects power. That's
why. This bullshit dog and pony show will only
go so far. Promises and convictions turn to dust.
I'll even go one step further. Jeffrey Epstein
is still alive. His death was faked. His friends
made sure of this. The next time you think justice
will be served will be a cold day in hell. Or
just wait until his perverts do kick off. Then
ask them the temperature in hell. When I was
with that band, I wasn't drinking, so when we'd
play drinking games, you know. I'd have to drink
this water, which is, you know, not really much
of a game because half the game is watching everyone
get drunk, you know, and they have to take a
drink or whatever. Well, it also gives you a
one -up, though. You see stupid shit happening
and other people don't identify with it because
they're smashed. Yeah. But then again, it'd be
fun or smashed because you'd be like, ah -ha
-ha. Well, they came up with a variation for
me since instead of drinking alcohol, I was drinking
water. They made the exception as I could not
get up. I couldn't leave circle to go pee. Everyone
else could, but since I wasn't getting hammered
on water, then my punishment was I couldn't pee.
That's a pretty... Yeah. That lasted for a while,
and I was like, okay, I voluntarily lose and
quit, whatever, because I've got to go pee right
now. Like that? Yeah. Some of those drinking
games went on way too long, and by the time we
got back to the club to play that night... Some
of us were still a little hammered. A little
residual leftover glaze. They've never done that.
And then you got the choice. If you're that person,
if you start the gig off and you're kind of wasted,
do you just keep it going throughout the gig
or do you let yourself come down? during the
gig, and by the fourth set, you're like, fuck
this, I hate life, let me go. I was talking to
a guy at work similar to that when I was younger.
I used to have to decide, because we were out
late one night having some beers and stuff, and
I ended up leaving that place like 2 .30 or something,
which is rare for me. I've been asleep a long
time. A couple days later, I'm talking to him,
and I go, you know, When I was younger, I used
to have that one moment where I had to stop for
a second at what I was doing and go, all right,
I've got to be at work in four hours. Do I want
to just ride this out, hurry in, and try to sober
up the last couple hours and go to work? Or do
I want to shut this fucking thing down, get four
hours of sleep, and then go in there and go to
work? And usually, usually it was like, I'm just
going to ride this thing through, and I'll sleep
tomorrow, which I never did, because then all
of a sudden a bunch of people show up. And anyhow,
they're like, hey, come on, man, get in the car,
we're going to go over to so -and -so's. And
I'd be like, oh, yeah, you know. And, you know,
usually it'd take me three or four days to catch
up, and then I'd have to, usually a Tuesday night.
But it seems like that would be the wiser choice,
is to stay awake and ride it out. When I was
in that situation. Yeah, because you feel like
shit. You actually get about three hours or two
and a half hours sleep because you're forcing
yourself to sleep, but you still want to party.
You get a little bit of bad sleep, bad quality
sleep. When you wake up, your body is finally
to the point where it wants to sleep, but now
you have to wake up. Yeah, when you get in that
really deep sleep, you wake up. Yeah, and then
what's even worse is while you're asleep, you
can't monitor your symptoms. take steps to counteract.
Like, if you're dead asleep, because you're half
-wasted... No, you wake up where you're at. Yeah,
I mean, you may be so sick to your stomach that
normally you'd wake up and do something about
it, but you're sleeping so hard in those couple
three hours that it just sits there and gets
worse and worse. By the time you wake up, you
feel like total shit. Whereas if you'd stayed
awake, you could treat those symptoms as they
came up. You'd be more tired, but after the end
of a couple hours, you're like, okay, I got my
nausea under control. I got myself hydrated.
I got some drops in my eyes. It usually worked
out better because you had that time to start
treating yourself. I would run into that not
necessarily because I was wasted, but just because
I was tired. Some of those out -of -town gigs.
I'd work all day Friday, drive out to some hour
and a half out of town, set up, play, tear down.
And then I'd have to drive back to KC and get
a little bit of sleep and go work Saturday. Because
I worked a lot of Saturdays. And then when I
was done with work, I'd have to load up, drive
back to that little town where everybody else
still was, and go play the second night. It was
like, ugh, this sucks so hard. See, that's when
I should have been freebasing coke or something.
You know, that's when I needed all that energy.
But, you know, I was trying to exist on coffee
and cigarettes. I just wasn't cutting it. Two
douchebags, a microphone. I'm Mark here in the
Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap studio.
You ever hear the term quiet cracking? No? Okay.
Quiet cracking refers to dissatisfied workers
who struggle in silence, feeling that they can't
leave their current role. While the term is new,
Kevin Ford said that he experienced it 15 years
ago in an information technology job. If I left
early, it would have been much healthier in the
long run, he said. It's extremely self -destructive
behavior. He was in a middle management position
in the beginning. I loved it. I think that's
what happens with a lot of these people who are
quietly cracking. They love it at first, but
then some... A series of events lead to a misalignment.
Right. You get that? Yeah, I do too. That's why
I went ahead and decided to do this article here
is because I've had it done before to me, and
I know you have too. Most people that have been
in employment for very long has had this happen
to them. It's just the way it is. I'd gotten
my team to the point where they were doing good
on their own. They had some issues. I got them
running smoothly, and then I thought, I don't
know if I'm providing value anymore. As I was
going through a concurrent MBA program, I was
realizing there's a lot of other things in the
business world that I also wanted to do, but
there weren't a lot of opportunities at that
company. For quiet cracking to happen, two things
have to be at play. There has to be a reason
why you think you can't leave the company, and
there also has to be a point of dissatisfaction.
And I got the reason why you can't leave the
company, the reason that I had such trouble leaving
that dirtbag place before the place that I was
at before my current job, and that's insurance.
Insurance. People are afraid to be without insurance.
Dude, yeah, I mean, I got decent insurance, right?
Yeah, I mean, it's really hard to leave decent
insurance. It really is. So, there are many reasons.
I got a piece of steel in my eye at work. We
have a surety, which is like Aflac. I got a piece
of steel in my eye at work. And it wouldn't have
mattered if it was at work or outside work. I
get a hospital claim. I claim it. They pay me.
Yep. That's why I pay it, too. Yep. So, for quiet
cracking to happen, oh, let's see. There are
many reasons why I felt I couldn't leave. Some
of them were financial. I think this is why it's
coming up again. I bet it happens any time when
a job market gets tight. People start feeling
they can't leave their jobs. We get ourselves
into various levels of financial commitments
and mortgages. and we start to feel trapped.
The Great Recession was in 2007. I started really
hitting it maybe a year later, so the market
wasn't fully recovered. That played a part in
it, certainly. Another part was that I was doing
an MBA program, and I had some commitments to
the job around paying. I also felt a fair amount
of responsibility for the people who worked for
me. One of the misalignments with my organization
was I had some different feelings on how people
should be treated. I felt I had to stay to protect
those people. Well, I didn't feel like that,
did you? Actually, yeah, I do kind of feel like
that. Oh. Okay, well... I kind of do. Okay. Maybe
I'm jaded. But me, I'm kind of like a, you know
what? Well... Well, okay. Let me put it like
this, okay? That sounded kind of rough, but it's
not like it seems like that. I've got a friend
of mine that comes in to where I work a lot,
feeling the water. Whenever things get slow at
that old place, he comes in, hey, how's it going?
And kind of, you know, and kind of fucking feels
the water, okay? I feel that, like, A lot of
people put you on the back burner like that.
So I'm kind of jaded. I'm like, you know, this
guy, I love him. But one of these days when he
comes out, I'm just going to tell him, look,
it's gone. I'm not going to, I don't think you
want to be here. So I'm not going to recommend
you anymore. You know, if you would have done
it the first 10 times you came coming around
here talking to my bosses and stuff, I would
have. But no, the 11th time, no, that's it. Because
you're only going to be here now. If you have
to be. And that's not good enough for me. So
I'm probably jaded. So whether I was successful
in protecting them or not. I don't know. But
I did feel that pressure. So over time it also
started affecting my work performance. Because
you can't live like that. It's not good for the
employer. And it's not good for you. And I finally
left the organization. And there's a lot more
here. But I really wanted to bring that up. Because
there's a lot of people that are quiet. cracking
like that i know some they tell me about it they
tell me about how they dread going to work and
how they feel like they're stuck in a pattern
and they can't move well my thing is is you know
um you never grow unless you unless you're uncomfortable
you have to be in uncomfortable situations to
grow so like um um i also know that there's a
tactic because i've had to help implement it
before If you think somebody is really doing
a horrible job and you think that they're not
trying that hard, is you make them uncomfortable
as possible to where they either do it or they
leave. Yep. And so if you're not uncomfortable,
you're not growing. So I don't know. You know
what? I could say a lot more about that subject,
but I'm not going to. We're going to turn it
to you, Rob. Okay. a little bit. I want to check
it out. Why not? Actually, it goes deeper than
the WWE. Oh, okay. WWE Women's Intercontinental
Champion Becky Lynch has added her name to the
list of despicable wrestling heels after she
found a wild and offensive way Birmingham. Oh,
I know what you're... Yeah, go ahead. A little
more than a month after the death of Ozzy Osbourne,
a native son of the city, Lynch cracked a joke
about the late metal icon and reality TV star,
and now his daughter isn't happy. Not long after
Lynch tore down the... A disrespectful dirtbag.
to be said about my father and his home. She's
pissed. Yes, you don't make Kelly mad. With her
father having just died a little more than a
month ago, it's easy to see where Osborne is
coming from with her pointed comments towards
Lynch and WWE. but she refused to wrestle in
Birmingham. The full episode can be watched with
a... And you know what's funny is, everybody
thinks that she was dogging Ozzy. She was not.
She was dogging Birmingham. She said Ozzy was
the only good thing to come out of Birmingham.
Right. Yeah. Right. But still. No, no, no. I
don't agree with what she says. No, I know, I
know. Yeah, I mean, she didn't say that Osborne
was horrible or anything like that. No, no, no.
I get what you're saying. Yeah. But still, you
cannot put down one without putting down the
other. Well, it's really disrespectful to Ozzie,
who just passed away. Yeah, it was like a month
ago. Yeah, and he loved Birmingham. He loved
Birmingham. And the reason he lived in L .A.
is because it's much easier because he did most
of his business in America. Yeah, and what did
he do at the end? He moved back to Birmingham.
Yeah, yep. Thank you, Rob. I'm glad you reported
on that. I purposely left it alone because you
are pretty much the music guy on this show. Have
you noticed that? Wrestling and music. I'm talking
about all of them. Really? Yeah. You do all these
music lists and you do all this wrestling stuff.
Yeah, so whenever I see something like that,
that had music and wrestling entwined in it,
I'm like, I'm not touching that. You do a lot,
Joe. You do a lot, Joe. I know my role, Rob.
I know my role. I don't touch that. That's yours.
I got one quick one here, and then we'll probably
shut this shit show down because it's 9 -13.
Or do you want to shut it down right now, Rob?
You're the one that's got to get up. No, no.
We can do one more. Okay. No problem. Toothpaste
made out of hair could be on shelves in two years.
Scientists say it's the secret to stopping tooth
decay. Fluoride in toothpaste has been shown
to strengthen tooth enamel. making our chompers
more resistant to acids from plaque and bacteria
that cause tooth decay. Researchers from King's
College London say they have identified a substance
that can protect against decay and repair early
-stage damage better than fluoride. Brace yourself.
It's found atop your head. We are entering an
exciting era. where biotechnology allows us not
to just treat symptoms, but restore biological
function using the body's own materials, said
Sherry Starsky, senior study author and consultant
in prosthodontics at King's College London. Never
knew there was prosthodontics, but I guess there
is. Keratin, a protein in human hair, skins,
nails, and the wool of sheep, forms a dense...
mineral coating that mimics the structure and
function of natural enamel, protecting teeth
and potentially sealing exposed nerve channels
that cause sensitivity. The UK researchers hope
to channel the power of keratin into a daily
toothpaste or a professionally applied gel that
can target problem areas. And I think that sounds
great because they're already using keratin in
a lot of other ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's
pretty cool. And anyhow, I think I'm pretty much
done, too. Like I said, I got very little sleep.
I think my new medicine gave me some insomnia.
And if I've been stuttering tonight and fucking
up words... Oh, no. You know what? That's regular.
Forget it. Anyhow, Rob. Yeah, yeah. I'm one eye
right now. I can only read with one eye, so...
We're both... Yeah, we're both fucked tonight.
Yeah, we're screwed, yeah. For those that don't
know, I got some steel in my eye and had to have
it taken out. That's infection. I left it in
there so long. I can't see out of it. back to
normal. That's good. That's real good. And then
I did my hand in the salt not once, but twice
this week. Yeah. I've had a really great week,
dude. Yeah. This week's going to go down in my
history books. Yeah. Let's see. I thought there
was something I was going to talk about this
show -wise, programming -wise. Yeah, I can't
remember what it was. Oh, oh, oh. The little
quick hits that I want to do, the little I call
bullshits. I'm in the middle of looking at some
stories to do. I do plan on doing more of them,
and I will do more of them. And I think, Rob,
you're planning on doing some of them too, right?
Well, mine is not a I call bullshit. Mine is
actually going to be like true stories. trying
to come up with a name, so I think I'm going
to sit down with you and pick your brain. That
sounds good. I have some good ones that are short
stories that are, like, history type shit. But
it's oddball shit. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you're
going to love it. We could do something, we could
call, like, Words with Rob Brad. I'll take something
better than that. Okay. Okay. When we get off
the air, I'll explain a little more to you about
it. Okay. And you'll understand. Yeah, because
that's the only reason why I brought it out yet
is because I'm still trying to come up with a
name. Okay. That sounds good. All right. Hi,
Albuquerque. Hi, Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Thank you for
listening. Good night, assholes. Hi, everybody.
Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.