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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. Tomorrow morning
while grinding your coffee beans for your double
mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals
caught in the grinder. It really hurts. Who can
afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.
Your mama's so fat. When she went out to the
pier, people tried to board her. Yes, it's true.
Mark is an old bastard. It's also true that Mark
uses a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like
to tell you, if you see any pictures of him roofing
ibuprofen, it's obviously fake, and you're to
take the pictures and tear them up immediately.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. So let me see.
Let's say I was offended by people being offended.
Then would people being offended all the time
would have to not be offended around me because
I was offended by them being offended? Hmm. I
may never know. No! This is Joshua Belmont, your
food for thought man on the hustle. So I just
realized a genius that gets absolutely no credit.
His name is Marshall Taylor. He is credited with
the first bag of salad mix that was bagged and
sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe he
is still alive. This guy's genius will never
be fully appreciated. Before this man, we settled
for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons
and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with
that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,
maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine
lettuce for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should
have a national holiday. Hey, dickhead. No one
gives an ounce of shit what you had for breakfast.
Not even the person on the other end. You look
like a mentally slow driv yelling into thin air
all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What
men consider self -centered dunce. Monty constantly
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go the
fuck home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably
forgot the theming because you're too busy looking
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas
City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Beautiful
mangle arm of Blake of the Ozarks in a duck blind
studio. Okay, well, I had family in town, right?
And I told you about that. Okay, well, we're
going to podcast Sunday night. But he was coming
to town Sunday night. So I'm like, all right,
okay, cool. And then I was going to podcast with
Topher Tuesday morning. So, anyhow, that didn't
turn out because as soon as he got to town, they're
staying over in Overland Park. What it is is
he's a first cousin from Canada, and his daughter
might be going to school here on a soccer scholarship.
So she had to go out. This is the second time
at the school she's checking it out, and they
made her another offer, a better offer. So we'll
see. She might be going to school here. But what
happened is she had appendicitis. About 20 minutes
after they got to the hotel. So from their hotel,
St. Luke's South, where I go to, it was about
five minutes. They took her there, and they ran
some tests, and it was like acute appendicitis.
They have to come out. So they came out Monday
morning, and they're headed back right now. They're
headed back towards Canada right now. But everything
turned out well. It was a crazy, oh, 30 -some
hours. But it was interesting. Everything turned
out good. He was really impressed with our medical
system. And I told him, I said, you know, you're
in the right part of town. In the right part
of town, the medical system's great. In the wrong
part of town, it's horrible because you're waiting
in an emergency room because nobody has family
doctors. Right, and they use the emergency room
because that's all they can do. So anyhow, everything
turned out well. The visit was well, and she
might very well be going to school here, and
that's fine with me. So we'll see what happens.
There's another, there's a school in Kentucky
that has her interest pretty well too, and they're
about tied right now, so I don't know. So anyhow,
I'm going to go back to Eureka Springs before
that, a couple days before that. We're needing
to withdraw some money for tips in Eureka Springs,
you know, because people do stuff for you, you
know, like the valet at the Flatiron Flats. And,
you know, if they bring us stuff and all that,
you know, okay. So I had to go to the bank and
visit the ATM. So I'm making the withdrawal,
and the fee for it was $4. I mean, what a scam.
You know, I'm pissed, but I'm not going to go
to Barry. Do what? Get your own money. To get
your own money. To get your own money, they charge
you $4. I was fucking pissed. And I think anyone
else would be too. But I'm not going to drive
all the way to Berryville, which is about 10
miles away, to buy something at Walmart just
to get a withdrawal without the ridiculously
high fees. So I spot a basket right next to the
machine, the ATM machine. It has roughly about
30 pens in it with the bank's name on it. I'm
so vindictive that I grabbed about 25 of those
pens and kept them. I know. Yeah, what? Oh, no,
you do your work for the podcast on a computer.
I'm the one who uses pen and paper. Yeah, yeah,
and I'm going to give them away or something,
but I was so furious at that bank. I was like,
all right, fuckers. Save a few for me. I need
them, dude. Okay, I'll give them to you when
I see you. I got like 25 of them in the car right
now after I took them and I got my withdrawal
and I left. I'm like, I don't fucking need these.
Oh, well, it made me feel good. I'm like, all
right, I got some fends from them. So anyhow,
it's ridiculous, the fees. And now all the credit
card companies, a lot of stores now pass it on
to you. It's like $2 a transaction, which is
just fucking robbery. It's robbery. They're already
getting 20 % from people, fucking pretty much
hijacking them. You know, and they're getting
so much money from people and they still want
to charge you $2 a transaction or something like
that. And that's just ridiculous. Or 10%, I don't
know, 2 % or whatever. I'd say the average is
like $2 .95 or like $3. That's the average. That's
ridiculous. That's what I give, yeah. And they
want to take away paper money. They want to take
away paper money. Everything's on plastic. So
everybody else can make money. Yeah, yeah. Because
then you, it doesn't matter. You can't get around
these fees for nothing. You have to use your
card. And if they jack it up to 10%, you have
to use a card, you're fucked. Yeah, that's ridiculous.
That's like when you use your, we've talked about
you use your card at a restaurant and they ask
about the tip. Well, they start at like 15%.
Well, okay. Yeah, well, you know what I do now
is I decline the tip and I just leave cash. And
it's whatever I feel like. I don't figure out
a percentage. If I think the lady or the guy
was worth $10. They get it. If I think they were
worth $5, that's what they get. I don't give
one ounce of shit about percentage. And I'm not
cheap either. If they do a good job, I will leave
them over 20 % a lot of times. But the thing
is, I don't like them telling me, well, we're
going to start at 15 % and go up from there.
I'm with you. It's like, no. You don't suggest
shit to me. You don't suggest anything. What
you do is... If you notice, we've been reading
a lot of stories about that lately. restaurants
that just automatically add gratuity. Yes, and
that's another thing, too. For doing nothing.
For doing nothing. And another thing is, is the
people back there cooking the food, they don't
even get it. Everybody else does. If it went
back to the people cooking the food and stuff,
then I could understand some of it. But, I mean,
still, the thing is, is this right here. They're
paying them to do that job. I'm in there buying
something. from them so they can pay them to
do that job. So after COVID, during COVID, they're
like, oh, well, people aren't coming in. And
this was their excuse. People aren't coming into
the restaurants. So they're not making any tip
money. You know, they're starving out here. So
we're going to go ahead just on to -go orders
because you can't come in right now because of
COVID. We're going to go ahead and have you tip
them. After COVID, they didn't take it away.
They fucking left it. Even though we're going
in restaurants now, and believe me, in Kansas
City on a Friday or Saturday night, you're going
to wait. Even at the worst restaurant, you're
going to wait. People do not eat out. They do
not eat in on the weekends at least, and most
weekdays restaurants are packed anyhow anymore.
So instead of taking it away, they left it on
there. So if I order something to go, I've got
to deal with this bullshit tip stuff again, and
it's not right. That's right, Kyle, it's not.
Yeah, if I'm going and getting it, tips should
have nothing to do with it. People are doing
their job that they're getting paid for, and
I'm supporting the business by giving the business
my money. So if you negotiate a job and you're
like, you know what, I'm not going to do this
for $20 an hour. I want $25. If you negotiate
that, you're worth every penny of it, okay? If
you don't negotiate that, then that's not my
fault. You need to step up and say, you know
what? It's not up to me to make up the difference
of what they're not paying you. It's not up to
you to make up the difference of what they're
not paying them. You know, if you don't like
the money that you're working for, you can go
somewhere else. That simple. I've done it plenty
of times. Have you, Rob? Oh, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, you look at your paycheck and you're like,
nah, this ain't cutting it. Actually, you know
what? I don't like this place that much anyhow,
so I'm going to go somewhere and make more money.
I've done that many times. You have too. It's
that simple. I didn't go around and go, hey,
could I have some tip money? Because, well, I
don't think this place is paying me enough. Believe
me, when I was out there putting in glass and
railings, I didn't go up to the super and go,
you know, hey, can you add like 20 % on? I don't
think they're paying me enough. See how well
that would go, right, Rob? How well do you think
that would go? Well, let's see here. Here's the
problem. Here's the problem. It's not the waitresses
that's doing it. It's the owners. Yeah, it's
not them doing it. It's none of the people working
there. They're not, like, suddenly demanding
it. And a lot of times, I would like to see if
that money even goes to them. Exactly. Exactly.
Yeah, how can it be proven? Actually, I think
I'm going to start talking to some restaurant
employees around here. You know what? Because
I'll bet you anything, it's a percentage that
goes to them. It isn't all of it. They probably
get like 5%, whatever. Yeah, yeah. And you're
not going to read that anywhere. That's just
like their rules. And if you work there, then
that's it. Okay, you're going to get this much.
Or even they probably don't even tell them anything.
I mean, they're not privy to all the orders that
came in and how much money is on there. Yeah,
because there's a place. Right here that I love.
I love the food. I love the ambiance. It's just
that they call it, you know, you walk in, you
order. They call your number. You've got to go
up and get it. Uh -huh. And you've got to fill
your own drinks. But when you go to pay with
card, they automatically hit you with that 15,
20, 25 % or two. Yeah. Yeah, that's bullshit.
Yeah, you've got to do all the fun walking. Yeah.
You've got to get up, put your trash in the trash
can as you leave. No, if I'm sitting down and
I'm getting full service, well, like last night,
I gladly gave a good tip to the guy who went
to Garozo's. Yeah. And my family from Canada
are in love with Garozo's and chicken spadini
in particular. They love that. And every time
they come here, it's a staple. It's like, hey,
can we go to that Italian place? Sure. We all
went in there, we all sat down, and the guy pampered
us. He got more than 20%. He was excellent. So
I don't mind that. But hijacking me because someone
doesn't get enough money or you say they don't
is bullshit. So, yeah. So I'm with you, Rob.
So you did all the work in this place, right?
You did all the work, all the heavy lifting,
except cooking the food, and you had to pay them
for you doing the work. Before you got your food.
Yeah, before you got your food. Yeah, and that's
another thing that pisses me off, too, is they
put it right there to where they can see whether
you do or not. And you don't know, that might
affect your order. That's another thing that
pisses me off. You know, people have feelings,
and people also get disgruntled and pissed off.
And if they're having a bad day, and you come
up there, and you don't tip them, and the...
first three guys did or whatever, you might get
a little bit less of an order. You might get
some stale fries or something. That's another
thing, too, is you're subject to how the people
feel about you on that, too. You know, they might
look at you and go, this guy didn't pay. That's
a good point. Because, like I said, you pay as
you order, so they see how much you tip. So,
yeah, I get that. Exactly. Yeah, so it's really,
to me, kind of a form of bullying. It's like,
yeah. I might even. test that at that restaurant.
You know what? I'll up my tip one night and see
if I get more on the side. I've got an idea,
Rob. Let's call this Douchebag Investigates.
Yes. Okay? That's going to be your first assignment,
and then I'll do stuff around here where I investigate
stuff. Alright. That works. Alright. I like that.
I do, too. I like that a lot. There's been other
forms of it. This is nothing new. People have
done this on the news, shows, everything, even
morning shows. So, look, we're not doing anything.
We're not groundbreaking here. We just think
it would be a good idea, right? And our fans
got to hear us actually come up with things for
once. Yeah, yeah, yep. Brainstorm for once. like
we do off the air. Yeah, yeah. It's actually
just like that. That's how we come up with this
shit. They finally got a nugget of gold out of
us. Oh, they're probably like, phew, okay. I
was worried. They're probably, yeah, they can't
wait to hear. Oh, yeah. And then today, a pair
of you heard the news. Taylor Swift and Travis
Kelsey are engaged now, right? Actually, I had
both. That's one of my stories, but yeah. Oh,
okay. No, no, no. You can still go to it. Oh,
no, you're good. It ain't like we're going to
be the first to tell everybody. Everybody knows.
But Cincinnati Bengal fans are pissed off because
now Taylor Swift has one more ring than them.
And I didn't come up with that joke. I'm just
spreading it. I'm just spreading it. About to
be two, yes. Engagement and wedding. Yes, she's
going to have two more rings than you guys. In
one day, in one day. I just thought that was
funnier than hell. I've got to retell this tonight.
Good job on that one. Thank you. Well, probably
not now, but I got to look at our numbers. We
had a pretty good little gathering of Cincinnati
and area listeners, so we probably lost everyone
up with that. So, anyhow. It wouldn't be the
first Ohio person we lost. No, no, no, no. Ruthann,
yes. Ruthann, yes. Yes. And then we had other
people, but they quit listening, too, and it
was probably because we keep taking jabs at them.
Oh, well. Blame that music preach. Oh, yeah.
God, yeah. Sports bastards. Sports bastards.
We take jabs at them constantly. They're probably
going to drive to Kansas City and beat our ass
one day. They're going to say, hey, they're at
the city market today. And over the last three
years. Hey, look, I mean, if they're in our situation,
they would too. They would too. Yeah, we're Chiefs
fans. Hey, you know, and then all the fucking
chest pounding that they did after they beat
us that one time in the championship game, and
all of that, and Burrowhead and all that, I think
they kind of deserve a little ridicule. They
were awful high on it when they did good, and
now that they're losing to us again, you don't
hear shit. You don't hear a peep. I just saw
every one of our Ohio numbers go in the minuses.
So, anyhow, back to Eureka Springs. No, we don't
care. And if we did care, we'd probably be a
little bit nicer to some people. Like Clint.
Mitch. No, Mitch is actually... Clint is not
funny. Mitch is funnier than hell. Clint has
dropped off the edges of Earth. Yeah, and I...
That's what I'm saying. I really believe Mitch
made Clint his bitch. I think so. Yeah, and I
keep taking jabs at him, but he's not responding,
so... Anyhow. You know, I think that, like...
I think Mitch... I think he couldn't find the
Narcan. I think he reached for the Narcan and
it was empty. I don't think there's any more
Clint. I think he's not with us anymore. He was
in front of DG there with his little tin cup
and his Narcan behind him. Let us know, Mitch.
You're the last one to see. Yes, Mitch. Let us
know. Okay, so back to Eureka Springs. So, after
I get all the free pens, and I'm like, hey, I
got them. I got 25 pens from them. Cost them
three cents, but still, at least I got something
back. Three cents? Probably. Anyhow, they probably
buy them in bulk for nothing. So, I'm then going
to get a couple of coffees for Val and I. It's
Volkswagen weekend at the Springs. Have you ever
seen the Volkswagen rally they have at the Springs,
Eureka Springs? No, I have not. Oh, it's amazing.
There's everything showing up there from old
60s and early 70s VW vans, trucks that I never
knew existed, dune buggies. I normally went down
there in the fall. Okay, well, I mean, I guess
it's like late August, early September. I think
it used to be a little bit further in September,
but they moved it to late August this year for
whatever reason, maybe weather -wise or something.
I'm seeing all these old, I mean, I've seen VWs
I didn't even know they ever made, dude. I'm
like, what the hell? Yeah, I mean, they're just,
and then all the Beatles, the old ones and new
ones, the hopped up ones, the custom ones, the
kit model looking ones. I mean, it just, yeah.
I mean, I'm just like, I'm just floored by this.
And we're leaving Friday and everybody's getting
their Friday because it's a weekend deal. So
as everybody's getting in, we're getting out
of there. And so on my way past all the trucks
and stuff, out in front of the cheap motels,
evidently Volkswagens must cost a lot to keep
up because every one of them goes to the cheap
motels, the $70 ones up on the ridge on Van Buren.
They don't go to the bed and breakfasts or anything
like that. It doesn't look like because all these
VWs were in like the cheap motels on the ridge.
And I'm like, wow. Okay, well, I have an answer
to that. Oh, okay. I have an answer to that.
Yeah, go ahead. Actually, VWs are cheap to work
on. Okay. So they're cheap people to begin with.
Ah, okay. There we go. Because I'm like, well,
man. No, I've been around guys that build up
VWs. Actually, VW is one of the cheaper cars
to build up. Then it makes sense why they would
be all in the cheap motels. A lot of my buddies
with rail bogeys and shit. Okay. Okay. So I'm
going by this cheap motel. It's that one called
Nut & Fancy. Have you ever been by there? It's
spelled N -U -T -T -I. It was like 2000, 2001.
Oh, it probably was. It was probably something
else then. Okay. Anyhow, it's like, I don't know,
fucking 50 bucks a night or something. And it's
spelled like N -U -T -T -I. F -A -N -C -I. Nut
and Fancy is the name of it. And it's just, you
know, a very small hotel room playing, you know.
I don't even think it has a microwave and refrigerator.
And I'm not for sure it may. So, anyhow, all
these VWs are out in front of it. So, I'm looking.
And there's this red -haired guy. Okay. He has
crazy curly red hair. And he has orange back
hair. He's extremely obese, okay? And he has
these little pair of neon green shorts on. Yes.
And no shoes. And it was disgusting. He was out
there, like, detailing his buggy. And I'm like,
what the fuck? If you would have seen this, you
would have been like, how does that guy get in
that buggy? There's no way he could fit in that
thing. No way. There was like an F -250 next
to it. I'll bet you that was his truck, and he
had someone drive his VW there. But it was disgusting,
dude. I'm telling you, man. He was like bent
over and his fucking ass cracks everywhere and
the orange back hair. Oh, my gosh. And I'm like
going, man, I was going to go get coffee. Now
I don't even feel like drinking coffee. Man,
it was disgusting. So I was just like, jeez.
But I'm pretty sure other people probably about
puke, too. I just thought, man, I got to mention
that. I mean, I couldn't get video because it's
during the morning. I was getting coffees, and
everybody's going to work. If not, I would have
stopped in that parking lot and videoed it. I
would have videoed him until he made me leave.
I would have videoed that, and I would have Instagrammed
it. I would have Facebooked it. The guy had to
have known he looked ridiculous. I mean, he wasn't
kind of obese. He was like rolls going over rolls,
and you could barely see. You could barely see
his neon green shorts in between all of that.
Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Anyhow, whatever that was,
maybe it was a gag. Maybe people were like going,
hey, Jim, go out there and do your thing, man.
We're going to see people run off the road. Ha
ha. Maybe it was a gag. I don't know. But it
was crazy. Remember what we just said. Yeah.
Volkswagen at a cheap hotel. You know what? You
know what? You're right. You're right. That's
it. You've seen enough movies. Yeah. Don't need
to say anything more. So, anyhow, they're a little
bit serious now. Well, no, no, no, I'm not going
to go into that. Well, I'm going to go into this
one right here, since we're having fun and just
bullshitting. British Airways flight attendant
found naked, high on meth in the bathroom of
an airplane headed to Heathrow, England. Yes,
no kidding. This gives new meaning to the mile.
I believe it. I believe it. Yep, I do too. An
on -duty flight attendant with British Airways
was found naked and high on drugs in the bathroom
of an airplane headed to Heathrow Airport. Hayden
Pentecost, 41, had methamphetamine and amphetamines
in his system when he was supposed to be attending
to passengers on a flight traveling from California
to London, the BBC reported. The brazen airline
attendant was sweating and babbling in flight
and appeared to be agitated. He had to be removed
from his duties by his manager after he failed
to assist with any pre -flight safety checks.
This is a cool one, too, because I'm sure after
this, I didn't get a chance to... I already have
a rebuttal. Go ahead. I want to get video. I
know someone got video. This is on a plane. Someone
got video and I got to find it. Pentecost then
locked himself in one of the bathroom stalls
under the guise that he'd been suffering from
cramps and needed to change his clothes. And
only for one of his co -workers to later discover
him naked and incoherent with dilated pupils
and a high heart rate. The co -worker had to
help Pentecost get dressed before he moved into
an empty seat aboard the aircraft. The Oxbridge
magistrate's court was told, according to the
Guardian, he was checked on every 20 minutes
until the plane landed at Heathrow, where he
was taken to a local hospital. Pentecost, who
was fired from his under -the -influence outbursts,
pleaded guilty to performing an aviation function
while impaired by drugs. He was granted bail
and is awaiting sentencing at Islesworth Crown
Court, where he will serve his time with his
new name, Lou Stuhl. And Rob, what is your rebuttal?
I don't know why you did it. Why? Bless him.
They shouldn't let him go. They shouldn't let
him go. See, that's what you get when I work
nine and a half hours a day. Oh, I know. I know.
Yeah, you have one hell of a busy schedule today,
and you will tomorrow, too. So everybody... Is
it metal? This is fun. Oh, my God. I'm going
to hope I read the words right tonight. Well,
let's find out. Let's turn this over to you,
Rob. Okay, well, I'm going to go into the story
that I texted you about. Yes, I purposely stayed
away from it because I want to be surprised by
this, so please. Very cool. Did you guys catch
Roger Jackson's wilder reaction after Psycho
Stu smashed a beer can on his head at Knox Cags
Pro Wrestling? Which is out of Knoxville, Tennessee.
I have not. No, I did not see it. Okay. Like
I said, I've watched the video multiple times
because it was brutal, dude. It was brutal. Well,
I'm going to watch it after the show. Yeah. Actually,
I saved it. Well, yeah, you can look it up. I
saved it. I sent it to you. Oh, you sent me the
video. I can go get it. They were backstage before
the show. Okay. Well, I thought that Raja Jackson
was there as part of the promotion for the evening.
You know how wrestlers do. They get a special
guest. You know what I mean? I thought that Raja
was part of the promotion for the evening. Raja
was not. Oh, man. And everybody thought it was
a promotion, including Raja, right? No, no, no.
Raja knew it wasn't. Okay. Yeah. And so Raja
held his cool backstage. He got in his seat out
in the audience. And when this wrestler was coming
out and was starting his match, I've got to watch
it. Here's the thing. You can see in the video
when that wrestler, his head bounced off the
ring. The second he hit the ring, that wrestler
was out cold. Ooh. Okay? Okay. Here is the first
thing my son said, and I totally agree. Career
suicide. Oh, absolutely. No one's going to work
with him ever again. No. Because a bare knuckle,
it's like boxing. You knock them down, you have
to stop. It's not like you can't climb on top
of them. You know what I mean? Nobody's taking
that liability. Nobody. Wow. Check it out. You
want to see a beat now. Like I said, I stayed
away from it on purpose because I wanted to genuinely
be surprised when you told me about it, and I
am surprised. Wow, I'm going to have to watch
that now. No, no, he literally, yeah. somebody
got in, got him off, and then it took five wrestlers
to hold him up against the ropes. Wow. You want
to talk about anger management? Yeah. Geez. Okay.
I've had people smash beer cans on my head, and
I like that. We used to do it to each other,
remember? Yeah, which was probably not a good
idea. Yeah, another long story. Yeah, and I wonder
why I have gut problems now. Yeah, me too. You're
the one who taught me. Oh, I know, I know. I
offer no excuses. I'm fucked in the head. That's
all there is. It's not the jalapenos, it was
the beer cans, I'm pretty sure. Yes. How about
we go to our first break, and I'm going to come
back with a few emails. Sounds great. Okay, sounds
good. Harambe used to listen to our original
show, Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen to our
original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask
why Harambe never listens to our original show,
Too Gypsious, in a cheap Radio Shack realistic
tape recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is
dead. Senselessly murdered because some idiot
did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Too Gypsious, in the cheap
Radio Shack realistic tape recorder, or any other
show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news
nobody gives a shit about. Punxsutawney Phil's
babies are named Shadow and Sunny. Hey, look.
I think we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're
safe. Oh, no. It's an island of horrible jokes.
What do you call a factory that just makes okay
products? satisfactory hey my fellow heavy breathers
this is dash riptide your music news graham bonnet
band is currently working on their fourth album
graham said it's very possible bruce dickinson
might guest on a song or two on his new album
bruce is a big fan of graham's ever since his
days in rainbow two fantastic lead singers in
one song kind of reminds me of deep purple's
mark 3 lineup with Glenn Hughes and David Coverdell.
This should be pretty damn good. We will see.
This is Gash Rooktine, and that was your music
news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear
damage, just like me. So you want proof that
we love you here at QD Spades and Microphone
Central? Here's a proof right here about the
drink of the week. How to make the famous Carnival
Cruise Line Miami Vice frozen drink. Two ounces
Bacardi one, seven ounces frozen pina colada
mix, three ounces strawberry daiquiri mix, half
a hurricane glass of ice. Blend it all together
and serve with a slice of pineapple and a maraschino
cherry on top. Bam, there you go. Miami Vice,
Carnival style. Two douchebags and microphone
in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer
you first world problems. My driver's license
picture makes me look older. I'm calling a lawyer.
Ms. Gulkenstein was tired of Mark and Toe for
making sport of her. Little did the douchebags
know Ms. Gulkenstein was a voodoo high priestess
when she was younger. She grew angry and cast
a spell on Rob, changing Rob into a capuchin
monkey. Mark took Rob to a local zoo so we could
be with the other monkeys. Here are the adventures
of Rob, the capuchin monkey. Shh, be very quiet.
We're going to listen in as Rob, the capuchin
monkey, tries to sell the rest of the capuchin
monkeys Amway. Rob has always dreamed of becoming
a diamond status Amway as a capuchin monkey.
Little did our hero Rob know. All the great apes
owned stock in Sam's Club and became violently
pissed off when he tried to infringe on their
territory. They promptly grabbed switches and
beat his ass for three days straight. Rob could
not sit down. Next up, things overheard in hell.
Howard Stern just signed a ten year contract
extension. Hey look, I think we found land. Oh
my god, I think we're safe. Oh, no. It's an island
of horrible jokes. Singing in the shower is fun.
Until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a
soap opera. Hey, everybody. This is Uncle Rob.
I'm going to give you some tips for life. This
is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics. Rule number
one. Title will kick in someone else's name.
So if you get busted, it's not yours. Rule number
two, shoot angles complementary to your length
and girth. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm
Mark here in the Kansas City area at the Talk
is Cheap studio. And I am Rob. It's a beautiful
night warm at Lake of the Ozarks in the Duck
Blind studio. All right, we got a few emails.
Emails have been kind of slow, but it's summertime
and I understand it. And we are coming up on
Labor Day weekend. Yep. Yeah, I get it. It's
twodouches at mail .com. twodouches at mail .com.
Send us an email, bitch. Do it. Which, by the
way, Mark, we have new shirts coming. Oh, awesome.
With the new email on it. Very good. Very good.
And I actually got a couple extra for a couple
extra people for more advertisement. Cool. Yeah.
Yeah, we need to. Yeah, that sounds great. Good
job, Rob. Thank you. All right. First one. Rob,
how about a Lake Area segment? Just do one every
show. Tessa and Climax Springs. Well, I mean,
didn't we already... I put this up here because...
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's our
verse from Climax Springs. Is it? Yeah. Tessa,
thank you. Yes, thank you, Tessa. Rob's doing
it, aren't you? I mean, I thought you were doing
a segment, aren't you, from Lake Erie News? Well,
yeah, I have been. I just don't have one tonight.
Well, actually, I have a big one. It's just going
to take me until tomorrow night to put it all
together. Okay, there you go, Tessa. Maybe not
every night, but most. Oh, well, you know what?
That will be tomorrow night. There you go. And
thank you, Tessa. Climax Springs, awesome. I
know where that's at, and I know you know where
it's at. It's right next door to you. So, yeah,
awesome. Thank you. Next one, Rob. We have your
keychains made up for your book signing. We just
need $4 ,000 for 20 keychains we had made up
for the festival's giveaways. We will also need
you to bring 30 bone -in ribeyes and a grill
to charcoal them on, plus some lighter fluid
and potato salad, coleslaw, chicken wings, and
20 gallons of barbecue sauce. See you next weekend
at the Massey Creek Fairgrounds. Thuckhammer
sends their love. Mark is still not welcome.
Mitch, like Freeman, ecologist and part -time
gardener. I'm glad I'm not welcome. Thank you.
Thanks for not letting me be a part of this mess.
Okay. I can't be there either. Mitch, you're
on your own. Rob's got shit to do. Yeah, I have
plans with Princess. There you go, Mitch. Princess?
Yes, Princess takes him. And 4 ,000? Are you
kidding me? $100 ,000 for 20 key chains. Mitch,
Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, I have your solution. Go
to Butler and go scrap it. There we go. There
we go. There you go. Yeah, I think that's a great
idea, Rob. Great idea. So, Mitch, you're shit
out of luck. All right. And I love saying that.
Sorry, sorry. I mean, I know it's my fan club
and all, but, you know, I have to answer to Princess
now. Yep, and me, I'm happy as hell because I'm
not invited, so. I can't help either. I'm not
invited. Well, maybe another week. I don't know.
You know, I'm sure they have the dunk tank around
there somewhere, right? They can just keep it
in storage, and then you come down and challenge
them. It's probably a cattle trawl. Probably,
yeah. No one there, yeah. And they probably stole
it. They probably stole it from a farmer. So,
all right. Eureka Spring Show turned out great.
There is a little noise, but very tolerable.
I hope you do more remotes soon. I just love
the background sounds, and the show has a more
raw feel to it. Ronnie and Tulsa, the Tulsa King.
I agree. I thought it turned out well. What did
you think? Yeah, I did too. Actually, when I
heard the playback, I heard a lot more vehicle
sound and stuff than what I heard. You see, I
couldn't hear that because my headphones wouldn't
work. I thought I could get by having an interface
and still use the headphones, but it wouldn't
work. It just would not work. I had it plugged
in differently. I need an interface so the headphones
will hear the sound. So I didn't know what type
of sound was going on where because the headphones
weren't working. So some of that noise was a
little bit louder than I thought because we all
know that the headphones pick up. What you hear
on the headphones is what you hear on the recording.
What you hear by naked ear is not what you hear
on the recording. So I was not able to do that,
but I still think it turned out pretty good.
I do too. Actually, you came out louder than
I did. I know. It's been good because for some
reason when we use the Bluetooth, I can't hear
you. I know. So I'm just going with this. I mean,
you know, this is working and you can hear it.
Everybody can hear me well enough. Yes. So we're
good. Yeah, so we're just kind of leaving it
alone now. It's working. So, Ronnie, Tulsa King,
thank you. I agree. And we're going to have it
perfected. You see, I could have normalized it
and made it a little bit more clean, but I didn't
because I like the raw feel to it. I thought
even the louder sounds, it was only a second
and they were gone. I just thought it kind of
like really painted a portrait of how that place
was, you know, people are driving up and down,
and I'm on the balcony doing the show, and there's
people everywhere. I mean, it just really kind
of captured the whole feeling of the area, and
I thought it was great. So, yeah, I could have
scrubbed that up a little bit and decided not
to. So, anyhow, thank you, Ronnie. Thank you,
Chelsea King. You are the best. What the hell
happened to Ask Padlings and Jeffy X? I love
those two segments, Ben and Hamilton. I actually
haven't asked Padlings. I haven't got to in a
while. I don't know. I've got to find it, but,
I mean, I could do it later on in the show maybe.
I've got to find it, though. Yeah, and I know
another segment we could get back to, too. Food
Wars, Jeffy X. I had someone complain about more
Food Wars that we used to do. Jeffy X. Oh, what
is it? We need to do a ass cheek. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Nipple tweak. Yeah. Nut flick. Yeah. Ass
cheek bite. Nipple flick. Nut flick. Or something
like that. Okay. All right. See, that's how long
this is. We've done one. I can't remember what
the hell it is. I'll go back to my notes. Ass
cheek bite. Nipple tweak. Nipple yank. Nipple
yank. Nipple yank, ass cheek bite, and nut flake.
Nut flake. Nut flake. There we go. All right.
We need to do another one. Not tomorrow night.
We'll make that Sunday night. We'll make it Sunday
night. And I have ass paddlings right here. We
can do them a little bit later. Cool. How come
I never hear music news on your music show? I
was disappointed that you don't spice that show
up a bit. And we can answer that. And then he
has a little bit more here that you and I can
answer personally. You'll hear. Okay, I'm going
to start doing that. We're having a problem getting
a regular show right now because, you know, I
have family coming in. Now Topher's got a situation
at his house he's got taken care of. So we're
probably going to get it in tomorrow. But, you
know, we have lives and we keep missing shows.
And it's really hard to gain traction. and put
in certain segments and stuff, because usually
I'm under the gun for time, so the show's all
ready to go and good, so a lot of times I just
spit it out on there to give people something
to listen to in the time. So when we get back
on track a little bit, and they have these spaced
out every couple of days, I'll have the luxury
of being able to spice those shows up a little
bit. But until then, it's something for people
to listen to while the other show's not going
on. Does that sound right? Until then, you can
always come here because, you know, we always
talk about music. Yes, yeah, yeah. I'd say our
show is probably 30 % music, wouldn't you say?
Yeah, pretty close, pretty close. Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, and then someone else wanted to know.
Oh, no, that's on the next one. Okay, okay, nope.
I had to save a couple of emails for tomorrow.
because we're cutting it so quick, I don't know
if I'm going to have any emails left. So that's
on tomorrow's one. Okay, and then the second
part of this question, it's from Roger in Harrisonville.
He asked that about the Spicing the Show Up a
bit. He wanted to know, me and you both, Judas
Priest or Iron Maiden? Iron Maiden. Iron Maiden.
Roger, you didn't say who you go for. Write us
back. Let us know. Yeah, we both say Iron Maiden's
solid. I love Judas Priest. Yep, solid, solid.
Yeah, solid. I like Judas Priest, too. Iron Maiden,
they just added so much more. I agree. Yeah.
Yeah, Iron Maiden's just... Come on, come on.
How do you beat Eddie? Yeah, yeah, that's another
one, too. Eddie. Yeah. So there you go. Iron
Maiden, yeah, from both of us. Man. No, no, not
right now. I'll let you know when I can. Anyhow,
Rob, we turn this to you. Reports now suggest
that the former Los Angeles Lakers star has agreed
to a boxing match against Philadelphia bodyguard
Charles Charlie Mack Alston, famously known as
Will Smith's former bodyguard. He briefly stepped
into the ring against boxing legends like Oscar
De La Hoya and Shane Mosley. response model shares
initial rack. I'll support, I'll help him train,
stuff like that. The matchup against Austin may
seem daring, but it's another chapter in the
unpredictable life of Lakers legend. Cool. He
could take on another boxing match. Yeah. Yeah,
could have. Yeah. I get it. I get it. All right.
Let's take our second break and come back. I
got some ass paddling since we were asked about
it. That sound good? Sounds great. All right.
You got to get old Sparky out. Two douchebags
and a microphone. The only podcast with gusto.
That's right. Just like Schlitz beer. Google
it. I have a pet termite I call. Clint. Wow,
no shit. How strange. Yeah, I call it Clint Eats
Wood. Swimming in toxic masculinity and wiping
their ass with politically correct wash rags.
Two douchebags and a microphone invade your ear
holes in three, two, one. Hey, my fellow heavy
breathers, this is Dash Riptide with your music
news. A new book about the formation of Led Zeppelin
to arrive in September. The product of years
of research, this enormous book contains the
most detailed and accurate account yet of the
pathway to Led Zeppelin's formation and the events
of their tumultuous first year. Along is a wealth
of rare material concerning the members' earlier
careers and reproductions of virtually every
piece of press they received between getting
together in August 1968 and the release of Led
Zeppelin II in October 1969. Bolger had barely
seen archival information and imagery. The feature
and a long introduction by the renowned music
journalist Chris Welch, who knew them from the
start. Tour with them and visit them at home.
It is simply essential for the many admirers.
The 348 -page Led Zeppelin The Only Way to Fly
will be made available in a limited edition large
format hardback quarter bound and clop. The first
250 pre -orders of the book will receive an exclusive
poster and Jimmy Page's used underwear. Allegedly.
No, not really. But you do get the poster. Out.
Hey, my fellow heavy breeders. This is Dash Riptide.
Your music news. You watch the news. It looks
grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest
you download all our podcasts beforehand and
have multiple mobile chargers. We have your post
apocalypse. Remember, post -apocalypse, to have
a sewage bit. Sewage, untreated, can result in
serious illness and other obstacles for your
family to live well. You also should have some
chemicals stocked up, maybe bags of chlorine
or something of such, to sanitize the sewage
per week. Rob consumed small doses of radiation
for 30 years. Rob is immune to radiation. Watch
him glow. Watch Rob Red jump up 25 feet and grab
birds out of thin air with his mouth. With his
mouth. Rob can now be invented for children's
parties and bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come
on and rent you a Rob today. That's right. Come
by and rent Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch
Rob consume seven bottles a night and still break
dance and move on. Watch Rob Red. Fart down a
building. Fart down a building. Rob Red assumes
no responsibility whatsoever. He is not a babysitter
and he doesn't give one house a shit about your
children. Please remember to corral every little
bastard you have. Before Rob gets there, and
while we'll not put up with any back talk, he
will promptly get them in the place. Rob Braddock
assumes no responsibility for anything that could
be stolen from his visit. Rob Braddock has no
responsibility whatsoever in any help him of
any situation. We're going to rob today. Hey,
if you're a fan of paying way too much for trinkets
and food, well, your wish is coming true. Kansas
City International Airport Guest Pass Program
is starting today. Yes, you too could overspend
on workless trinkets and $15 cups of coffee.
You want to buy a $50 cheap t -shirt that has
KC Western Auto Building image on it? We got
you covered. Want a barbecue sauce gift pack?
No problem. Just a mere $40 and you're first
born. Hurry, you know rubes are jumping all over
to get to this complete ripoff. Because people
are sheep. Our constant pursuit for a real knee
slapper. It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity. Every sock you wear is slightly
rotated. Just enough for it to be uncomfortable.
Two douchebags on a microphone. I'm Mark here
in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap
studio. All right. Well, shall we get to some
ass paddlings, Rob? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, I've
had this for like, I don't know, a month now,
and I kept forgetting to bring it out, and it
just got buried eventually. So I'm glad that
I forgot who asked about it, asked it. They asked
about it on email, so here it is. Okay, and some
of these are kind of old because it's kind of...
We've moved on since then, so I'm going to try
to, you know, refresh it a little bit. Okay,
well, the way the ass paddling began was Topher
and I were on vacation, okay, and we were watching
the sunrise on the beach, walking along, and
the cool air, morning air, was glistening and
blowing through our hair. And two men can have
a tender moment without holding hands, even though
the Duke and Rob think differently. We're not
holding hands like they say. And we're walking
along, and like I said, there's a cool breeze.
And all of a sudden, I stub my toe. And I look
back, and Topher's like, that looks like a genie's
bottle. I'm like, that is not. So I walk over
there, my toe all hurting and everything. I go,
man, dude, this is a genie's bottle. He's like,
no shit. So we pop it open. Genie pops out. Okay.
And he could not stand us. He was very condescending.
And we, Topher and I are like, ah, it's a genie.
We let him out. We get three wishes. And he rolls
his eyes. He goes, no, you watch too much TV.
You get one wish. One wish only. Make it count.
World peace. Curing cancer. Topher and I looked
at each other and we said, we want to be invisible
so we can paddle people's asses. The genie was
very reluctant. He's rolling his eyes, and he
goes, very well, I have to. I have to give you
your wish. You let me out of my bottle, and I
appreciate it. But, you know, you guys are morons.
But once a month, you can turn invisible. And
now Rob can, too. He gave you permission, right,
that you can turn invisible and paddle him, too,
right? Oh, yeah. I've been doing it for special
paddlings. Yes. I'm good. Yep. Yeah, so Rob is
approved for the invisible ass paddlings like
us. And we use Old Sparky. It's a replica of
Old Sparky. Old Sparky is the paddle that was
administered to me many times at Cass Midway.
He was in the trophy case there next to the state
championships in football. Not baseball, right,
Rob? But in football. So, yeah, he is in the
middle there. Yeah, definitely not baseball.
But in football, we had many of those. So he
was a beautiful piece of work. You know, he had
a lot of holes in him that you could gather more
air when you're sliding across the air towards
someone's bottom. It had a long stalk. That way
you could get even more heat on him, and it hurt.
So we're using old Sparky. We're using a replica
of him. So, all right. First one is, all men
that have their pants down to their ankles just
to take a piss in the urinal. This is something
I bitched about a couple months ago, remember?
Yep. Some guy was in the middle urinal, there's
three urinals, some guy's in the middle with
his pants and underwear down to his ankles, pissing.
I mean, his fucking white ass and everything
just blinding you as you're walking in the pisser.
And I... You might as well be a sitter. Go sit
down. Don't do that. It was nasty. So, yeah,
yeah. Go sit down. Don't do that bullshit. Don't
subject us to looking at your ugly white ass.
All right. Second one. All insurance companies
and their henchmen employees. And this is back
when that lady hit me and the insurance company
fucked me over completely. and was like, oh,
no, no, she didn't do that damage. She did this
damage and that damage. And they know you can't
fight it in court because you're going to spend
more money fighting them, and they fucking suck.
And insurance companies, all of them can suck
me. They're fucking worthless. All right, the
next one. Pepsi for caving in and making a prebiotic
soda. Don't you agree, Rob? Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, they're like, hi, we're Pepsi. And we are
little bitches. We will follow a trend. We will
sell our ass to try to make money. That's what
they're saying. Like, hey, we're Pepsi, and we've
been knocked down a few notches. We were number
two. Now we're number four, solid. You know,
many Sprite and Dr. Pepper overtook us, and Coke
has always been over us. And since now, since
we're falling behind so bad, we're going to go
ahead and we're going to give you a prebiotic
soda because we're the new kinder, gentler Pepsi.
Well, you guys are getting ass paddling. All
right. Birmingham International Airport for denying
the name change to Ozzy Osbourne International.
And they're going in the Hall of Fame, don't
you think? Oh, definitely. Definitely. Hall of
Fame. They should have changed it to Ozzy Osbourne
International that fucking day. The day he passed
away, they should have had a special legislative
session, and they should have renamed it Ozzy
Osbourne International. And my fact is this.
You have John Lennon International. You have
all these other names in Britain of these singers,
of these performers. They have many other airports,
like John Lennon Airport and all these other
ones with these performers' names. Ozzy deserves
to be there. Look at how much money that man
spent flying in and out of there. Yeah, and also,
look at how many... And a fortune off him. Wouldn't
you fly there, Rob, just to check in to Ozzy
Osbourne International? Just to have the plane
ticket. Yeah. Yeah, I'm telling you, people would
do it just because they wanted to check in there.
You guys over there at Birmingham International
missed a golden opportunity. And you are in the
Hall of Fame of ass paddling, which means that
we can bring you out at any given moment and
paddle you. So, enjoy your Hall of Fame status,
Birmingham International. All right. The next
one, and I never got to this story, but I always
wanted to paddle their ass, and let me explain
it a little bit. The scientist that smeared yogurt
on windows to see if it helped cool a house,
and this was in England as well. I never got
to that story. It interests me at first, and
then after that, I was like, well, if I got nothing
else to do, I'll do it. Well, I always had something
else to do. But the fact that they smeared a
house, all the windows, With yogurt to see if
it would cool a house on a hot afternoon. They
deserve an ass paddling. Do you agree with me,
Rob? Yeah, they wasted good yogurt. Yes. Yeah.
So they get an ass paddling. You should never
do that to good yogurt. It should be eaten. It
should be consumed. So you guys get an ass paddling.
All right. Walmart. For allegedly overcharging
customers. I did that story on an I Call Bullshit.
Yeah. Yeah. And Walmart again, just a little
side note, today I did the same thing that I
always do because they pissed me off. Walmart,
you do not have to let them check your receipt.
It is not a club. You don't pay to come in there.
So you don't sign something that says you have
to adhere to their rules. So you don't have to
let them look at your receipt. And it pisses
me off every time. They act like you paid to
come in there and it's a club. There's nothing
legally that says you have to let them look through
your stuff and check off your receipt. So they
have this thing where you can get it texted or
emailed to you. And I always just print it out.
And I'll walk by the guy doing it that day. And
I'll have the printed receipt in my hand while
I'm talking to him. And he'll go, can I see your
receipt in your cart? And I go, oh, I don't have
my receipt. I had it emailed to me. And he's
looking at it in my hand. And this is a different
guy, but the same look on his face. They want
to say something like, well, what's that in your
hand? But they can't. They know you're fucking
with them, but they can't say anything. And I'm
just sitting there going, yeah, I don't have
it. I don't have it. It's emailed to me, and
I'm not going to go through my emails. I'm in
a hurry. I've got to get somewhere. And they
very reluctantly go, okay. And then I walk off
with a big smile on my face while I'm looking
at the receipt. And I do this to prove a point.
It's bullshit. I don't pay to come in there.
So I don't have to sign anything that says I
have to follow these rules. You go into a Costco
or a Sam's Club, when you buy that membership
and you sign that, you're agreeing to them looking
through your receipt when you leave. When you
walk in Walmart, You do not agree with that when
you're walking in. So, all right. Okay, I get
that. Now, here in Camden to Walmart, we don't
have anybody at the doors. We have the cashiers
and we have the people at the self -checkout.
One person at each self -checkout at each door.
Okay. That's all we have. There is nobody at
the doors checking your receipt, nothing like
that. Well, my Walmart there is. Maybe there's
like a lot of theft activity. I don't know. It's
probably a city thing. It's kind of what I'm
thinking. It probably is. I don't know. I haven't
been to any other Walmart, so I don't know. Okay.
Okay, well, for whatever reason, they do it at
my Walmart that I go into, the one down the road.
It's a mile away from me, so I go there. And
it just pisses me off when they try to rummage
through my stuff in my receipt, so I do that.
And I encourage everybody to do that. Get your
receipt printed, put it in your hand, and when
you walk by, if you are subject to that like
I am, walk by the receipt in your hand, look
them in the face and go, I had it emailed to
me and I'm in a hurry. I'm not going to look
through my emails. Why, did you think you seen
me take something? No. Okay. End of subject.
I'm gone. Meanwhile, you have your receipt in
your hand and you wave to them and they can see
it and there's not a damn thing they can say
about it. And if they do, it's harassment. It's
like, wait a minute. I told you I had an email
to me, and you're calling me a liar. You're telling
me that this is this receipt in hand. No, I had
to take something back earlier. It's an old receipt.
That'll shut them down really quick. So, hey,
I encourage everybody to do that if you're subject
to that. All right. Mitch for trying to steal
Ronnie and Tulsa's title. Remember he tried to
do that on one of his emails? Yes. So therefore,
Mitch, you are also in the Hall of Fame. Ronnie
is royalty and you don't touch him. Right, Rob?
And therefore, Mitch, you also, since I cannot
be there, Mitch, you are in the dunk tank. Yes,
and Ronnie can do whatever he wants. He can come
over there and he can smash you or whatever.
I'm actually, I'm recommending a ball smash myself.
Ronnie, come on. Go have fun. There you go, Ronnie.
No, no, no. Wait a second. What are we saying?
Now Ronnie's going to be pissed off at us. Hang
on, hang on. Sorry, Tulsa King. We're sorry,
Ronnie. We take it back, Ronnie. We're sorry.
I will not be there to have your back. I'm sorry.
Ronnie knows we love him, and he knows that we're
defending him, and he also knows that he's royalty.
And Mitch is Ronnie's bitch. I'll say that right
now. All right. Next one. Coca -Cola for forcing
their drink in Latin American countries, like
I reported on another I Call Bullshit. Right.
Listen to it. It's a short take that we're starting
to do. Rob has a few, too, I believe you said,
right? Yeah, yeah. I've got some that I'm going
to start coming up with. Okay, so it's going
to be a regular segment. It's like chewing gum,
okay? We're like bubble gum, and these are like
little strips of chewing gum to keep you busy
chewing while you're not chewing on the main
thing, right? Well, what I'm taking is I'm going
to use mine like a segment, like my regular stories,
but I'm going to throw them in, like my lists,
stuff like that, is what I'm taking I'm going
to do. Well, these short takes are really cool
that I'm starting to do because they generate
a lot of hits. Actually, you know what? Yeah,
I mean, what I got planned would be great for
that, honestly. You and I will talk off of the
show, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because we'll have
to do the recording on different nights and stuff.
Yeah, yeah, we'll get to it. Okay. Next one,
Mexican government for their part in this whole
thing. Coca -Cola and Mexican government getting
together and figuring this out. They deserve
an ass paddling as well. And then finally, all
of the Kansas City Chiefs backups for their dismal
performances in all three preseason games that
they lost. It doesn't matter that they lost them.
Their first stringers look amazing. Amazing.
I didn't watch a single game, to be honest. So,
I'm not worried about that, but the backups look
like a bunch of Keystone cops fucking bumping
into each other and fucking running around. So,
we better not get very many injuries. That's
all I've got to say. So, anyhow, that is the
Ask Padlins. Rob, we turn this to you. Okay,
well, we just mentioned lists. So, my list, I
have one here. Okay. But it's not always as simple
as picking a name that sounds nice. Hospitals
and parenting organizations have started releasing
lists of baby's names that raise cultural sensitivity
concerns, reminding parents to think carefully
about history, traditions, and the impact a name
might have on a child's future. Okay. I do too.
Okay, and there's a list of eight. The first
one is Nevaeh. Nevaeh. Yeah, it's a beautiful
name. It is, I like it. Okay, well here's their
explanation. Okay. dismissive to certain faith
groups that hold sacred views about heaven. Wow.
Okay. Okay? Mm -hmm. I like it. Okay. Yeah, but
honestly, I've never, I've always heard kids
nickname Chief. Never named Chief. Um, I always
did it as a gag. Like, if you're trying to screw
with someone, you go, that's right, Chief. Yeah,
yeah. But I, I, I kind of like it. I gotta admit,
I kind of like it. I, I don't know. Hey, what's
your name? Chief. No, what's your, no, it's Chief.
I like it. Anyhow, go ahead. Okay, next. Gypsy.
I actually... Name it. Oh, go ahead. I actually
know a lady named Gypsy. But anyhow, go ahead.
Oh, there's a famous one right there. Okay. Yeah,
she killed her mom down in Springfield. Made
a famous... Oh. Gypsy Rose. Gypsy Rose. Oh, okay.
Yep. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that happened in Springfield.
So, yeah. Okay. Now she's famous. Yeah. But this
name has been criticized for its connection to
harmful stereotypes about the Romani people.
Hospitals highlight that the word has often been
used in discriminatory ways, making it an inappropriate
choice for a child. Okay. I get that. Yeah. Yeah,
I do too. Okay. ISIS. Okay, I like that because
that was a comic character. Remember? They ended
up actually turning into an actual TV show. Yes.
Yeah, I think this was in the 80s, wasn't it?
Early 80s? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was pretty
good. I liked it. ISIS now has now been flagged
due to its association with the extremist group.
Oh, okay. Man, I didn't even think about that.
I said, yeah, see, I read the name ISIS. I said,
man, that's a beautiful name. Why? And I read
the reading and it said that. Okay, I don't need
to read anymore of that. You know what? I get
it now. I didn't think about that. I didn't.
Okay. Okay, the next one. Messiah. Wow. I really
don't need to give a description on that one.
No, and I don't agree with that one at all. No,
I don't either. To me, that's poor taste. And
you're setting your kid up for a lot of failures,
in my opinion. How can you live up to Messiah?
No one can live up to Messiah, except the Messiah.
Who I believe is Jesus Christ, but you can believe
whatever you want. I'm not here to argue. Okay,
next up. Coco. Okay, okay. Don't often say it's
playful. Coco has been flagged in some regions
for its cultural implications. Okay. which could
cause problems for children. Okay. All right.
Yeah, so, you know, somebody from a different
country hears you say cocoa, they think something
else, you know. Yeah, I get it. Since you explained
it, I get it now. Okay. And it spells C -O -C
-O. Okay. So it's spelt like cocoa, or no, no,
no, yeah, C -O -A, C -O -A, or is it C -O? Okay,
C -O -C, yeah, it's just C -O -C -O. Okay, all
right, cool. Not like chocolate cocoa. Yeah,
yeah, it's like the other cocoa, like name. Okay.
Yeah. Okay, next we have, and it's going to be,
you'll get it right off the bat. Okay. Yep. Yeah,
okay. I agree. It's just like my friends, well,
they're more kind of acquaintances, but anyhow,
with their kid, Alistair. Kind of almost like
the same thing. Yes, yes. Okay, and finally,
Dixie. I like Dixie. Oh, yeah, that's it. It
is. Dixie has long been used in the American
South, but it's cultural baggage tied to slavery
and the Confederacy. Okay. Yeah, I get it. That
could be a family name, too. To me, Dixie, I
think like Dixie Stampede. I don't think of all
that other stuff. Some people may. You know,
I don't know. I think it's a cute name, but okay,
I guess, okay, whatever. Well, I've done my study
on Civil War and stuff, so, you know, yeah. It's
not what you learn in school. We'll just say
that. Yeah, yeah. So, okay, all right. Thank
you, Rob. That's an interesting list, nonetheless.
Would you agree? Yeah, actually, I really like
this. Even though we're too old to name kids.
Yeah, but I still liked it, so thank you. I got
a little story here real quick. In 2024, Burger
King hosted its million -dollar Whopper competition
to let fans create their dream burger. The finalists,
a fried pickle ranch Whopper, which sounds fantastic,
doesn't it? Fried Pickle Ranch Whopper. I hear
hearts and angels. I just had dinner a while
ago and that made me hungry. Yeah, me too. And
I just had dinner a while ago too. Yeah, right
before we came in here. The next one is Maple
Bourbon Barbecue Whopper. Which sounds good.
Real good. That sounds good. Yeah. And this one
I found interesting. Now, this is either going
to be fantastic or horrible. This is Mexican
Street Corn Whopper. That could be interesting.
If done right, it would have to be done right.
Well, it doesn't matter because the one that
won was the Maple Bourbon Barbecue Whopper, and
that's the one that they're going to do. Now,
it doesn't mean the other finalists they're not
going to do eventually, but the winner, the maple
bourbon barbecue whopper, is the one they're
definitely going to come out with now. I think
the first one's going to end up coming out with
it. Me too, the fried pickle. I don't know about
the Mexican corn. I mean, it sounds good. I don't
think that's going to come out. I think the fried
pickle ranch whopper, of course, and the maple
bourbon barbecue whopper is going to. But Burger
King didn't stop with its contest. The chain
has been bringing customer Whopper requests to
the menu throughout this year, including the
Steakhouse Bacon Whopper. That sounds solid to
me. And the Barbecue Brisket Whopper. That sounds
phenomenal. Now, the chain is expanding its new
Whopper by You platform with an all -new burger,
once again inspired by guests. Burger King is
introducing the new Crispy Onion Whopper for
a limited time. Yeah. Yeah, Crispy Onion Whopper.
Okay, Burger King, you have to come back to Canton.
Burger King, you got me. You have to. Come back
to the Lake Area, please. You know, just when
I think I'm out, Burger King. You bring me back
in. The closest Burger King I have is Lebanon,
and it's a half hour away. You know, for a barbecue
beef whopper, wouldn't you do that? No. No, you
wouldn't go a half hour for that? Good, good.
Because here's what I would do. I would drive
an hour to Jeff City and get a quality one. Oh,
you're right. You told me about the one in Lebanon.
Okay. Okay, yeah, you're right. You're right.
Not the greatest. Not the greatest, but it's
the closest Burger King. I got you. I could get
a half -assed Whopper. Well, I've got the serial
killer Burger King right up the road. And I'm
not kidding you. Yeah. There's been two or three,
I think it's three serial killers worked there
over time. So needless to say, I don't go there.
Okay, so this goes with the trend I've been noticing.
Before, you would never see a McDonald's close
anywhere for decades, right? Yeah. Yeah, they
were always there. They're the steady Eddie.
You knew McDonald's was going to be there. You
didn't know if a Burger King or a Wendy's or
a Pizza Hut or something would be there. But
you knew that the McDonald's would always be
there. And usually they end up replacing the
building or something. But over the last three
to four years, I've noticed quite a few McDonald's
shutting its doors. I know three in the central
and south sections of Kansas City that have.
It seems to me like McDonald's have been out
of answers for a while now. have been coming
up with new products and ideas. And I really
do think, I mean, well, there's no doubt that
McDonald's in trouble. You know, a lot of the
Z -ers and the millennials, they don't care for
it. And it seems to me like McDonald's, I mean,
that McCosmax that they came out with, they're
all shut down already. Yeah, see, I haven't read
anything about it. I heard nothing about them.
I figured they probably would be shut down. Oh,
I did a story on it. a few back, remember? The
only two in existence shut down, they were in
Texas, and there are no more. Oh, that's right,
you did. Yeah, there's no more. So, to me, it
kind of looks like McDonald's better get his
head out of his ass. Well, I don't know. The
whole 27 years I've lived here at the lake, between
Campton and Bagel Dam, there was four McDonald's,
and that's only a 20 -minute drive. Are they
still there? Yeah. Wow. Actually, the one at
KK, they closed and built a bigger, nicer one
across the bridge. Maybe I'm wrong then. Maybe
it's just what I've seen. Maybe it's just around
me that I've seen this. Okay. All right. I don't
know. McDonald's is a big pet down here. Okay.
Well, I do know this. I mean, it's a great place
to go get quick food. And people are down at
the lake, you know. They've got stuff going on,
so they're like, you know, I don't have time
to go in and get a sandwich somewhere, so I'm
just going to run through McDonald's, take me
a couple of minutes. It's either that or go to
a nicer restaurant, spend twice as much, you've
got kids. There's a lot of kids down here, honestly.
That's true, that's true. A 20 -pack of chicken
nuggets. It goes a long way with three kids.
That's true. That's true. All right. Yeah, my
daughter grabs my grandson's chicken nuggets
all the time. Oh, it's like the perfect meal
for kids. They love them, and they give you a
lot of them, and they're pretty low cost. So,
I get it. Of course, most of the time it's with
Pawpaw's money, but, you know. Well, yeah. Yeah,
that goes without saying. Papa is covered in
this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, when the
little man is trained to walk up and say, Papa,
can I have McDonald's money? Yeah, he does that
to me. And what does Papa do? Goes and gets swallowed.
Yes, that's what Papa does. Oh, hey, hey. Yeah.
My grandson, for those that don't know who we're
talking about, he will be five years old December
17th. Wow, cool. Right? Uh -huh. Okay? Will be
five December 17th. Okay. Guess what? What? He
just started kindergarten. That's nice. He's
doing great. Because he tested so high, they
went ahead and started him in kindergarten. A
year early. Very cool. Good. Yeah. We're still
trying to figure out where the hell he got it
from. Fucking good. We're still trying to figure
out where this boy got it from. You know what?
Go with it. Go with it. You know what? You'll
never know. Maybe he'll make you your dream house
later. Oh, he better. Pawpaw, he filled me up
with chicken nuggets. Pawpaw needs it. Pawpaw
needs it. He filled me up with chicken nuggets.
He gets the dream house. Pawpaw wants his 20
-acre farm. Yeah, we've got to get Pawpaw. You
know how many chicken nuggets he shoved down
my throat? He gets his 20 -acre farm. And there'll
be buttermilk too, right? Buttermilk chicken
nuggets? Yeah, whatever you want. Yeah. Individually
spiced. He doesn't just like, he doesn't take
the flour and just spice it up there. Each one
of them gets individually spiced because Rob
cares, right? Yes. Yeah. Okay. All right. It
is 930. Do you want to keep going or do you want
to call this shit show? Oh, no, dude. I got to
get, yeah, I got to get off here. Okay. Hi, Alvin.
Like I said, I'm working a five -day tomorrow
night, so it's going to be a rush job tomorrow
night. All right. Okay. Well, you know what,
Rob? Thank you for doing this. We appreciate
you doing this, and I know a lot of people out
there appreciate it because you are a busy man.
So, anyhow, hi, Albuquerque. Hi, Grandma Opal.
Hi, Jimmy. Have a good night, assholes. Hi, everybody.
Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.