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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. Strange, but true.
In 2013, a prisoner in Sweden escaped from jail
due to a severe toothache. as he was unable to
receive timely dental care. After breaking out,
he visited a dentist, had the infected tooth
removed and subsequently returned to prison voluntarily.
Authorities then provided him with transportation
back to the facility and tacked on one day extra
to a sentence for escaping. And now we look in
on the adventures of the technical explanation
guy. Excuse me, my dear sir. Could you please
put my plain bread in a small countertop appliance
with heating elements that would spring loaded
and would brown my bread adequately? Well, first
off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over there
sitting at the table having a drink. Second off,
are you talking about someone toasting your bread?
Well, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about my bread
being toasted. Then why don't you just ask for
your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? The
hell's wrong with you? Hey, look. I think we
found land. Oh, my God. I think we're safe. Oh,
no. It's an island of horrible jokes. Why do
golfers take an extra pair of socks with them
when they golf? In case they get a hole in one.
Two bush bags and microphone in an effort to
keep everything fresh. We offer you... First
world problems. Damn it. I can't decide between
nachos, chili, or wings for the game tonight.
This is bullshit. I should not have to make decisions
like this. You watched the news. It looks grim.
Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest you download
all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple
mobile chargers. We have the post -apocalypse.
Who may die from plants are essential. The dyes
can be used to mark locations on trees, even
to color clothing or to be laid out to where
footprints or paw prints could be left. The dye
can be placed on the ground around the perimeter
of your dwelling, so if you have to leave, evidence
will be present to assess the situation. This
is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark. I'm
at the Mobile Talk is Cheap studio in Eureka
Springs, Arkansas at the Flatiron Suites, Flatiron
Flat Suites, on the balcony overlooking the Basin
Park Hotel and restaurants and bars and everything.
And it's going to be a little noisy here tonight,
but anyhow. Like we're talking before in an ideal
world we'd all be together here having fun, but
then again, you know, I'm already Yeah, sorry
about your luck You know, I'm a few deep in yin
-lings and this and that, so if you were here,
we probably wouldn't even be doing the fucking
podcast. Let's be honest. Oh, no. No, I guarantee
we would not. No, no. We'd be like, hey, you
feel like, no. Well, I don't know. They might
enjoy that show. You know what? It'd probably
be better than all our other shows. I'd be going,
hey, no, no, no. No, you guys get drunk, okay?
Come on. Come on, man. We want to hear that stuff.
We'll be an overnight. We would have been in
it. Oh, in the 80s. Oh, in the 80s. I would not
have had enough time between getting drunk and
trying to fucking bag chicks to even learn the
software. I'd look up, I'd go over here and go,
no, you know what, I don't think that's for me.
Yeah, I like talking, but no, I don't think that's
for me. This software looks like it's going to
take a couple of days to figure out. I can't
have that. I can't have that in my life right
now. Anyhow, the levels actually look pretty
good. She is inside in the room taking a nap
or trying to. It's kind of noisy. No, no, no.
That's the only reason I'm doing this. Talking
like this is because, yes, you're right. So...
I'm going to go ahead and get on to a couple
of things. You said the levels are good. I was
going to suggest keeping an eye on those levels.
I am. Because Eureka Springs. Yeah. Radio frequency
picks up different things. And Eureka Springs
seems to be one of the most haunted places in
the country. It is. It's a lot of levels. I've
already got a haunted story, dude. I've already
got one that I'll go into in a little bit. And
it's a good one. It isn't kind of just like looking
for something. It's pretty damn good. Yeah, I'm
just going to have to clean it up here in a little
bit, I guess, because it looks like it's running
a little hot. But the problem is... can't get
my microphone to work because it needs an interface
and I thought that might be the case but I thought
I might be able to get around some things but
no I can't I need the interface to get the mic
to pick up what I'm doing on the program so that
I plugged in my headphones and nothing so I can't
really tell what it really sounds like so anyhow
you know what we're doing this anyway okay good
good then I think we're okay I played it back
a little bit ago before I called you, and it
sounded like it was okay. So, okay. You know,
on the way down here to Eureka Springs, we stopped
by Springfield, Missouri. We went to visit Val's
childhood friend, Rhonda. You know, every, and
I found out something. You know, we went to lunch,
and every time I book a place, I get a jacuzzi
tub for my bubble baths, right? I told you about
that, right? Yeah, I love my bubble bath. You're
spoiled. Do you love bubble baths or not in a
jacuzzi, Rob? Oh, my God. Yes. The bubbles get
so big. Oh, yes, yes, yeah. That hot air. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. So I do that daily. Every time I've
been here, I've already done a bubble bath. So,
anyhow, I take one daily, like I said. Val brought
something up and how I found out about it. I
completely forgot about this. So, my Google and
Amazon accounts, they're all hooked up to the
main TV in the living room. The TV screensaver
goes to my shared pictures on my phone and phones
from the past. Yeah, it's cool. So, like, I did
this a long time ago because all the vacation
photos that I take, I eventually break my phone
like I had a segment on a while back about how
I break phones all the time. and I'd lose all
the pictures, so I have them backed up on a cloud,
and on the Amazon, on my Amazon Fire Stick, I
have it backed up on there to where it's a screensaver,
and we get to see all these pics, Alaska, all
this cool shit that we got to do, right? So,
I didn't know this, right? Okay, so, for a little
while, I knew that, but I'm going to go into
something else. So, for a little bit, Val's phone
was loading on the TV, too. right and i didn't
know that something happened it got mixed up
or hit a wrong button or something so not only
was my pictures but her pictures was uh loaded
too so we're sitting there watching tv and um
i forgot i had to like go do something and so
did she come back and the screensaver flipped
on and it's me in a bubble bath and i'm like
hey wait a minute wait who How the fuck did that
get on there? She started laughing. She goes,
every time you take a bubble bath, I take secret
pictures and videos of you. I'm like, what? She
goes, yeah, yeah, I send it to family and friends.
We love them. I'm like, it's bullshit. You know,
you can't say anything. There's bubbles everywhere.
I'm pretty much my head sticking out. You are
the family Christmas card. Yes, I am. Rob, you
couldn't have said that any better. I'm the family
Christmas card. I'm going to wear a hat next
time. I'm going to wear a Santa hat. And so,
anyhow, she started talking to Rhonda. And I'm
like, oh, shit, I forgot all about that. That's
right, man. You've been secretly recording me.
So I had no idea. And I found this out like a
year ago. I mean, she's been doing this for years
now. And I had no fucking idea, Rob. You know,
I'm sitting there, you know, taking my bubble
bath and having a good time. And I had no idea
I was getting recorded. So then, you know, a
lot of times I have a couple of pops, right?
And I'm going to go take my bubble bath. Oh,
yeah. Yeah, of course. You know, that's what
you do. So, you know, I'm a little smashed there.
You know, I'm a little tainted. You know, I'm
a little... So, anyhow, like I am right now,
a little bit, just a tinge. So, I get into the
bubble bath, and whenever I'm smashed, I start
screaming. I call my toenails talions. I call
them my beautiful talions, okay? And I demand...
You've done that for years. Yes, yes. You have.
I remember that. Yeah, I call them my beautiful
talions. They are comparable to a bald eagle's
talions. That's how beautiful they are. And whenever
I get a little smash and I get in the bubble
bath, I demand that my talions be trimmed immediately
while I'm in my bubble bath. And I keep screaming
this, and I keep doing it over and over. So I
look out the cottage window that we're at. Okay,
these cottages that we stay at. Now we're at
Flatiron Flats. I couldn't get the first couple
of days we're here because this was booked. So
we went to these cottages over on a cliff, which
is very cool. And no regrets about that at all.
It's a place called Cliff Cottage Inn. It's a
very nice place. And they bring you breakfast.
It's a bed and breakfast stuff. And anyhow, I'm
screaming to heaven. I'm demanding my beautiful,
beautiful Italians be clipped. and uh and smoothed
out and i'm doing this over and over wench come
here come here trim my talions now now and i
just happened to look out the window and there's
a couple of people staring at our at our cottage
they heard it and they're like Could you imagine
that, hearing that? You know, they're sitting
there, you know, yeah, and I think tomorrow we're
going to go down to Beaver Lake and rent a canoe.
And all of a sudden, it's like, wench, come here
and trip my talions, my beautiful talions. And
they're probably like, what the fuck is going
on over there? So I did it louder, of course,
right? And I did it longer. That's what you do,
right? If someone, like, is noticing. Oh, of
course. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, all right, that's
cool. All right, someone noticed. So anyhow.
So, we were, the lighting out here is horrible.
I have stuff jotted down, so where would we please?
So, anyhow, I did my Italian bit, smashed, and,
you know, and I'm probably going to do it tomorrow,
too, in the morning, or tonight. Well, I won't
be smashing in the morning. Tomorrow's get -back
day, so I'll probably do it at some time tonight
while she's sleeping. I'll probably wake her
up screaming to have my, demanding to have my
beautiful, beautiful Italians clipped. while
I'm in the bubble bath. You're not going to make
it home, are you? Probably not. Probably not.
So this is probably my last podcast. I will leave
all of this stuff to you with instructions in
my will, okay? Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.
So you can find some... I will carry on our legacy.
Yeah, you can find an idiot anywhere to do this
shit, right? You say, hey, you want to call me
up and just talk a bunch of shit while I record
it? Sure. I don't know, I don't want Oh, okay.
I get it. Yeah, you know what? You're right.
We're coming down here and when we left Kansas
City, it was pouring fucking rain in the morning.
So we had to wait a little bit and leave a little
bit later. I'm glad we did because they were
having like 60, 70 mile an hour winds in Cass
County and Bates County. And as you know, there's
no way, unless you go way to the east and take
like three hours longer, you have to go through
those counties to get down here. Right? From
Kansas City, right? Yeah. Yeah, so we had to
wait. So we waited a couple of hours and it cleared
out. So we come down here and it all busted apart.
Some of it went out towards Kansas. Some of it
just dissipated and we're like, wow, cool. It
just kind of like it dissipated down here for
some reason. So we got to go all the way there.
And then we, when we hit the Arkansas state line,
it starts building up again. And you can see
it's getting ready to like just pour and lightning
and wind its ass off. So we're getting down here
and, um, we're about four miles away it starts
to pour and these you know how these hills are
right they're just insane yeah so i don't want
to be anywhere i guarantee water's running everywhere
yeah oh yeah yeah the whole place was flooded
for about yeah until it you know for about an
hour and then it all went downstream somewhere
but it was pouring rain but anyhow i was like
oh man it's going to take an hour to get there
now because you can't negotiate these hills um
with any type of speed at all whenever it's raining
that hard you have to go slow in a lot of places
i don't know if arkansas just doesn't have the
capital or what but they don't have guard rails
where they should and if you go down that i mean
you're going down for a long long time and you're
not surviving you know so you have to be really
careful and you have to go slow and we get here
and all this lightning and everything everywhere
and so we're grabbing all our stuff and to get
to the cottage you got to go through a series
of these little nature trail things right we
just get on the porch and all of a sudden it
just unloads just pouring bucket loads and lightning
and wind everywhere we lucked out so bad we didn't
get it on the way on the way down and then it
did not start doing that crazy stuff and it rained
the rest of the night which wasn't a problem
because we weren't going anywhere we were tired
you know we went to springfield spent some time
with a friend and then came down here you know
we're too tired to do anything but we really
lucked out on that i mean the timing could not
have been more perfect rob it was just kind of
like wow that worked out well so yeah so uh that
was pretty cool um Let me see here. I'm going
to attempt to get some emails here in a little
bit because I have internet here. And right now
it's working. So I have some there. I don't know
what they say. I haven't edited them or anything.
So if they're stupid, I'm going to apologize
or I'll try to read them. That's going to be
interesting. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Especially
Mitch at the left. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what?
I'll have... You know what? I'm just going to
go in... We'll find out. Yeah, I'm going to go
in dry. I'm not even going to try to take a peek
at them right now. Yeah. No, don't. Okay. So,
we went to America's Most Haunted Hotel, the
Crescent Hotel again. Yes. And we were there
last night hanging around and... you know it's
a cool place to hang around they got a lot of
stuff to do around there in the yards and stuff
today we went to the pool up there for a while
and it's just they just have grounds that are
just immaculate and so we went up there and we're
just sitting around we went up to the pizza parlor
and had some drinks so we come down and they
have this huge living room like situation there
with this old old fireplace in the middle and
it's just beautiful and you can just sit there
and relax the couches are real comfortable everything
is old Victorian or even before I mean it's just
it's just really elegant and it's beautiful so
Val and I were in the main lobby and we're sitting
on the couches and the chairs around the huge
fireplace right and Val notices the very sturdy
handcrafted coffee table from Maybe the 1800s.
Maybe the early 1900s. I mean, it appeared to
be mahogany. The detail was amazing. We were
just marveling over it. This piece of art is
extremely heavy. You know how they made them
back then. It was by hand. And they used real
wood. Real mahogany wood. Real sturdy good wood.
Because they had it back then. Now it's kind
of hard to get stuff like that. So... we're marveling
over this um over this coffee table just you
know soaking in the beautiful evening you know
lounging around and um after we're like uh oopling
over this old coffee table with all this detail
and how how it was handcrafted and all that so
i look down and there's this large book a large
leather bound book on it it wasn't there just
a few minutes ago These ghosts are extremely
mischievous there, and I'm not kidding you. I
mean ask anyone that's ever stayed there They
like to play jokes on you That big is a huge
leather -bound book, okay? And we're like Leo
looking at coffee table touching it and everything
go man. That is really cool Look at that handcrafted
more Oakland over it You know and you would it
too Rob is just a beautiful piece of furniture
made back in yesteryear I mean it was really
cool, so We're talking for a little bit, and
we're looking at the house cat there. The house
cat was really pissed off last night. They have
a cat that, like, he'll usually come up to you
if you bother him a little bit, and he'll let
you pet him for a couple minutes. Then he'll
get mad and go, all right, that's enough, human.
I'm leaving. And he'll leave. Well, he was irritated
last night. I don't know if a bunch of little
fucking kids were chasing him around or whatever.
So we're trying to get the cat to come over to
us, and he's giving us a solid no. So finally
we give up, and I look back around the coffee
table, and there's this large leather -bound
book. I'm like, Val, did anyone ever come over
here? No, why? I go, look. Yeah? That book. Yeah?
Yeah. We just got done looking at this coffee
table, right? There wasn't anything on there,
was there? No. How the fuck did it get here?
Uh, don't know. So, no one was near us. We were
distracted temporarily by looking at the cat
and trying to get the house cat to come over.
We turn around. I look back at the coffee table
when we figured out the cat wasn't going to have
anything to do with us. And it's on the coffee
table. A huge leather -bound book. I'm like,
what the hell? So I open up this book. And this
book is a book of people that have photographic
evidence of apparitions and orbs. And they put
all of these old... Orbs? Yes. They put them
all in a book. And they share that book. People,
you know, it's around different places there.
And it had the most interesting apparitions and
orbs. and different photos that are haunted photos
that they have. I never knew this book existed,
let alone it appearing on the coffee table that
we just got done running our hands across and
looking at the detail and everything, and it
wasn't there, and no one came near us. Stuff
like that happens all the time at the Crescent.
I'm telling you, the princess is into that type
of stuff. And actually, so am I. You know, so
I've already been talking to her about making
a trip down there. You need to. I want to take
her to the Crescent. She would love it. Oh, yeah.
I already know. I've already been there. I already
know. Yeah, yes. I'll tell you what. You have
to get a room there and experience overnight.
Yes, definitely. A lady that we met. Her name's
Princess. Awesome. Okay, and the lady that we
met there out on the porch, she's a paranormal
expert, or so she said she was. She said it's
essential when you leave to tell the spirits
to stay there and not come with you. So take
that for whatever it is. I did it. Oh, no, no,
no. I already know. I already know nothing about
it. Okay, okay. Yeah, she said, make sure and
tell them to stay there. That's their place,
not to come with you. So I did it. So, interesting.
So then something else interesting happened,
Rob. You know the guy that I torture up here?
You know, the guy that does a ghost tour? Yeah.
He has his cute little outfit on and the cute
little hat and all that stuff. He was in there
because the tour ends at the Crescent. It starts
at the Basin Park, goes all the way up the hill,
goes up around the corner, all the way to the
top, and ends at the Crescent. It's a haunted
hotel tour. He looks me right in the face. And
I look him right in the face. And he looked funny,
like maybe he recognized me, but I don't think
he realized I'm the mouthy fucker that yells
boo at him all the time and interrupted his ghost
tour. He's the guy that wants to kill me. He
gives me the dirtiest looks because he's sitting
there talking about these ghosts, and every time
he says something about a ghost, I'm up here
having a pop, yelling, boom! And people are down
there fucking laughing, giggling, and shit, and
it makes him feel like an asshole because he's
trying to do a serious job there, trying to scare
them, and I'm up here going, boom! And they're
all giggling and shit and being distracted. But
I don't think he recognized me. I think he thought,
man, I think I know that guy from somewhere.
Shut up, asshole. So I think he recognized me,
but didn't know where it was from. Because I
really think he would have came over and punched
me in the face. He was so mad at me. Yeah. Can
we take our first break? Yes, yes we can. Hang
on. I got a hard time. I have this set up here
on the balcony and it's hard to... Never mind.
Never mind. Oh, okay. Okay, you sure? I had a
call coming in. I really need to take this. It's
all right. Here, I can, I can, I can... No, no,
no, I'm good. We're good. If I'm calling back,
you can answer. Okay, well, sorry about that.
I didn't mean to answer one of those. I don't
know. Oh, okay. Okay. Um, yeah, you're right.
Um, all right. It's my cousin. He just texted
me back. We're playing boat tag. I got your message.
Love you. Bye. Okay, cool. All right. Okay, good.
All right, I'm done for the monologue, and it
looks like I can access e -mails, so go ahead
and do whatever, what story you want to do. We'll
just try to keep the regular format. We'll go
into e -mails after that. All right, well, since
I've had people on me about making the Ozark
News, I have some plans to do Ozark News. Yeah,
what was her name, Tammy? Tammy from Osage Beach.
Yes. I think no, Sunrise Beach. Sunrise Beach.
I remember. Okay. All right. Tammy, this is for
you. I wasn't going to mention it. Yeah. Okay.
Well, this ain't more than a good one, but it's
kind of funny, actually. Okay. A Miller County
man who attempted to commit suicide by setting
his house on fire is found guilty. Okay. Did
you catch that? Found guilty. Like commit suicide,
found guilty. Yeah, found guilty. I'm getting
this, but go ahead. I'm going to need a little
bit more information on this. Well, yeah, I'm
going to give it to you. Welcome to Life of the
Ozarks. Well, yeah. Yeah, no kidding. Darren
Manry of Eldon. If you know, you know. Yes, I
do. I know. Was found guilty of first -degree
arson during a bench trial on Tuesday. He'll
be sentenced November 13th. It was in March of
2004 when the Eldon Fire Department was called
a man -raised house in the 500 block of West
Court Street. When crews arrived, fire was showing
from the front and the side of the home. heavy
smoke throughout. Man Ring escaped the home and
was transported to a local hospital for unspecified
injuries. The home was at total loss. Oh, wow.
During questioning, Man Ring told the police
that he was upset with his daughter over a vehicle
title and decided to kill himself by setting
the house on fire. Man Ring smoke. Go ahead,
I'm sorry. No, that's all of that new story.
That's all there needs to be of that new story.
Oh my gosh. Eldon, right? Yes, Eldon. Like I
said, if you know, you know. I do know. I've
been around Missouri a long time. I do know.
Couldn't handle the smoke. Awesome, Rob. Thank
you. So he ran out, and now he's setting his
ass in Miller County Jail. Coughing up black
loogies, right? Probably more than that. Yeah,
probably. Coughing up some other stuff, too.
But, you know, we'll leave that to everyone's
imagination, right? Yes. Oh, we got a little
crowd looking at us up here. I didn't know they
could see us that way. Oh, right on. Yeah. Two
douchebags and microphone. Howdy, howdy. This
is Rob. He's calling from Lake of the Ozarks,
a beautiful Niangua arm. Yes. Yeah, they went
on. Okay, well, all right. You tried. I tried,
yes. Alright, let's take our first break. Come
back, and it appears I can get these emails.
And I'm not reading them. I'm going in dry. I'm
not reading any of them. I don't know what the
hell they're saying. Tonight is total ad -lib.
Yes, yes, pretty much. Yeah, all this stuff,
I just kind of jotted down little notes when
they happen. Going, yeah, this is something I
probably want to talk about. Yeah, this is something
I probably want to talk about. So it is totally
ad -libbed. I have some suggestions. Like I said,
I had about... 10 minutes before you called me
to do that. Yeah, you're working so many damn
hours. Geez. Well, nine plus nine and a half,
you know, but still. Normally we get off at four
and they switch us to five. That takes an hour
out of my night. Exactly. I used to prepare for
the show. Well, the reason we do it at eight
and not earlier is because you get home and you
have stuff you have, you have chores you have
to do. Yeah, I got that. And, Like I said, on
podcast night. Yeah, and also... That's me an
hour short, you know, and it's rough. And we're
not doing this on Tuesday night like we normally
do, because Tuesday... Oh, I'd still, I'd still,
I'd still been in shape. Oh, okay. All right,
that's cool. Yeah. We went in Monday and was
told Tuesday we'd start an overtime. Oh, okay,
okay. Yep. Okay, all right, we'll... Oh, shit.
What's that over there? Oh, no. It's the island
of horrible jokes. A ship -turning red paint
and a ship -turning blue paint collided. They
were all ruined. Hello, this is Satan. You might
know me from my pet name, Inflation. I'm here
to tell you that there's no better way to relax
than listening to two douchebags in a microphone
by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and
I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy. Your mom is so scatterbrained. It took
her two hours to watch 60 minutes. Oh, hey, look
at the time. It's time for the crazy -ass word
of the day. And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark.
How do you tell when you're out of invisible
ink? I may never know. Miss Gulkenstein was tired
of Mark and Toe for making sport of her. Little
did the douchebags know, Miss Gulkenstein was
a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. Hey, my fellow
heavy breathers. This is Dash Riptide. Your music
news. Got real quick music news for you tonight.
Apparently on Ozzy Osbourne death certificate.
It has, in the occupation department, rock legend.
We could not agree more. This is Gash Rooktine,
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,
you probably have ear damage, just like me. Have
you ever wondered what something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I
wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have
we. That's why we give you the origin of. This
is the origin of eyeliner. Eyeliner originated
in ancient Egypt and it's been used for thousands
of years across cultures. In Chad, young men
from nomadic clans wore coal eyeliner to attract
wives. In the Inqatali, dancers wore kajal to
tell stories through their eyes. In Iran, women
use eyeliner as a symbol of resistance. Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark in the Mobile Talk
is Cheap studio at the Flatiron Flats in Eureka
Springs, Arkansas. And I am Rob at the beautiful
Mangwell Arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the Duck
Blind studio. All right, well, I got to access
emails. It appears like they all came through.
There's a couple of throwaways because they're
just kind of stupid. There's no reason to go.
But most of them look pretty good, look pretty
solid, and we have some of the regulars. All
right, the first one. Hey, guys. I ate some bagged
shrimp from Walmart, and I grew five penises
on my forehead. I don't know what to do. Afraid
in Pittsburgh. Okay. In case anyone didn't know,
there's radioactive shrimp. How does Pittsburgh
spell? Oh. Pennsylvania, not Kansas. Okay, okay.
Oh, thank you. Thank you. I didn't even think
about that. No, it spilled Pennsylvania, so it
in from Pittsburgh, Kansas. Walmart was selling,
apparently, radioactive shrimp somehow. It got
radioactive, and it's a big recall. So that's
what this guy's talking about. So he says he
had bagged shrimp from Walmart, and he grew five
penises on his forehead, and he doesn't know
what to do. And he signed... Yeah, I know...
This is true. I got a slightly different... I
think I got a slightly different take. Okay,
you have extra penises? Cut them out. I know
you are. I can tell. Okay, cut off the penises.
Have them cut off and preserved. And I know some
dudes that desperately are in need of them, of
a penis, like Clint. And I'm pretty sure you
could strike a deal. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, sir. Transplants.
Yeah, yeah. Clint is desperately in need of a
penis. Yeah, black market transplants. Hell,
there you go, dude. Yeah, Freight in Pittsburgh.
There you go. You'll be rich. Make money. You'll
be rich, man. Yeah. Make money off these experts.
Hell, I might even buy one. Hell yeah, I'd do
one just to put in the Talk is Cheap studio.
I'll have it stuffed. Hell yeah. What's that
over there? That's a stuffed penis. Huh? Yeah,
yeah. Okay. So... Okay, I'll let you go with
that one. Okay, yeah. You know what? You gotta
fill this shit with something, right? They're
not all gems, right? They're not all gems. Yeah,
yeah. We gotta save each other from time to time
in your state of need right now. That's fine.
Oh, here's a... There's actually some pretty
good... So far, there's some pretty good emails
that I've read here. Okay. Mark, I tried your
pineapple cake recipe. It was gross. I'm beginning
to think you made that shit up. Winnie in Miami.
Really? When I stuttered and said uh and um and
uh and um a hundred times, you didn't catch that
I was making that shit up, right? Was she the
one that asked for the recipe? Oh, was she? Was
somebody important? I think it was. Okay, probably.
I'm reading these right off of here. I didn't
catch it. I think you're right. I think she actually
tried your recipe. I may be wrong. 30 of them.
She's probably mad. She wasted a lot of money.
I stand by my recipe, and Rob, it's Rob's recipe,
too. We stand by it firmly. That is a great recipe.
And we are actually really kind of insulted that
you thought we made that up, and we're insulted
that you thought that we would do something,
we would go against something so sacred as a
pineapple cake, right? Yeah, it must be a Missouri
fact. I guess so, I guess so. Miami probably
just doesn't like it. They have different, you
know, yeah, they like seafood down there. We
like good old -fashioned pineapple cake, right?
Yeah, yeah. Okay, Rob, I brought 30 Sharpie markers
for your condom signing at the Barnes & Noble
at Lake Freeman Hall, located just behind the
Massey Creek Bend. Be there on time this Saturday
at 10 a .m. Mitch, acting manager of Norcan distribution
of South Central, Cass County, and Hill. He's
pretty busy. He's pretty busy. I told you, Clint
is your bitch. I told you. Mitch... I don't know
what to say. I really don't. Mitch, you're doing
fine work. Keep up the fine work. Mitch, I love
you, man. Mitch, I love you. We're going to find
out who he is. We know him. We have to know him.
He knows too much. Oh, fucking cool. Okay. There's
someone at the Basin Park Hotel because right
here on this balcony, I look over and you can
see right in someone's window of their room.
And they poked their head out and I'm sitting
there. Yeah, it's funny. It's funny. They freak
out because they don't expect someone to be right
here. You know, they think it's just an office
building or something. They don't know it's actually
a place that you can rent. Okay. And it's funny.
The dude just poked his head out. He's like,
huh? And he snuck back in and shut all the blinds.
Herb. Herb, yep. Our name would be two dudes
in a bag. Yeah, it would have been like two dudes
in a microphone talking about safe things. I
don't know. Yeah. Okay, and finally I got one
more here. There was a couple of them I threw
away because they were just stupid. Okay, Mark.
I found Cherry RC Real Sugar in a bottle. This
is as good as the Dr. Pepper original I had in
Waco, Dr. Pepper Museum. Ronnie in Tulsa, the
Tulsa King. Let me know where it's at. Let me
know where you found it. I want some. Can I order
it online? You can just message me if you want
to. You don't have to send me an email explaining
it on here or anything if you don't want to.
um but huh interesting real sugar cherry rc i
bet that it's good i didn't know they made it
i've never seen that anywhere and i you know
i'm kind of into that type of thing too that's
kind of like a niche thing you're into it or
you're not i've been into it for quite a while
and i've never been i never knew that they even
had that maybe it's new i don't know or maybe
i just haven't ever seen it but um ronnie let
me know please All right. Just mention it. It
got my textbook going. Yep. And then the two
emails that I speak about came from the old address
and was forwarded here. They're in a whole different
envelope, and I don't know what's going on with
that. But you know what? I'll figure that out
later. That's just weird. I thought the other
one was shut down, actually, but I guess not.
This is twodouchesatmail .com. at yahoo .com
and if forwarded these two emails and they may
have been from a long time ago but anyhow they
sucked so who cares alright Rob let's turn it
to you ok well I'm going to go into one more
like deal chart story before I move on to other
things later you're on a roll actually this is
a good one this is a good one ok uh And actually,
I've mentioned this. I've talked about this before.
Okay. The first shovels of dirt were symbolically
turned today, Tuesday. Today's Thursday. Okay.
To officially start physical construction of
what will be a new community center in Camden.
Oh, cool. Remember me talking about that? Yes,
I certainly do. Okay. It's just a testament of
what's going on. Invest in families and invest
in things that unite communities rather than
divide them. And I hope that Campton leads the
way here and other communities in Camden County.
and surrounding counties continue with this sort
of efforts, says State Representative Jeff Morente,
on hand for the groundbreaking ceremony. The
future 4 .1 million community center will be
located on City Park Road next to the Canton
Aquatic Center. Rob, keep going. I'll be right
back. Keep going. Keep talking on this story,
okay? I'll be right back. Well, the thing is...
Yeah? I walk out of the bunker. Uh -huh. I walk
out my front door. I look to the right. It's
right there. Oh. Which is right where? Do you
remember the fugitive that ran from the cops
that caught right here? Yes. Yeah. Right there.
Oh, wow. Same spot. Interesting. Interesting.
Okay. All right. Do you want to take our second
break? Because I've got to go do something here
really quick. Yeah, take your second break. Okay.
All right. I'll be right back. Or we'll be right
back. So you want proof that we love you here
at QD Spades and Microfilm Central? Here's a
proof right here. How about the drink of the
week? Hey, my party pilgrims. How about Norwegian's
famous pineapple coconut mojito? One and a quarter
ounce Bacardi coconut rum, one ounce pineapple
puree, three pieces of lime wedges, six pieces
of mint leaves, and one half ounce of simple
syrup. You garnish ginger candy on a pick, orange
wilt, and a mint sprig. Take a 12 -ounce glass,
shake all ingredients together, and strain over
fresh ice and top with soda. How about a splash
of 7 -Up Sprite or ginger ale just for a little
extra pizzazz? Harambe used to listen to our
original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore.
You might ask why Harambe never listens to our
original show, Two Gypsies and a Cheap Radio
Shack Realistic Tape Recorder. Well, it's because
Harambe is dead. Senselessly murdered because
some idiot did not watch her child properly while
looking on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not
listen to our original show, Two Gypsies and
the Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder,
or any other show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Sir.
I see your qualifications here. May I ask some
further questions that could help me determine
your employment eligibility? Yes, sir. I'm ready.
Well, as you can see here, we have a large population
of different ethnic backgrounds, sexuality, and
ages. Are you by chance bilingual? Well, sir,
I'm not sure why you need that kind of information,
but, well, it was only one time in summer camp.
I considered it experimental. Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news
nobody gives a shit about. In Tulipo, Mississippi,
a structural steel company built a small bridge
to go over a pothole that had been on the road
for three years. Hey, if you're a fan of paying
way too much for trinkets and food, well, your
wish is coming true. Kansas City International
Airport Guest Pass program is starting today.
Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets
and $15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50
cheap t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building
image on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue
sauce gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40
and you're first born. Hurry. You know rubes
are jumping all over to get to this complete
ripoff. Because people are cheap. Hey, good kid.
No one gives an ounce of shit what you had for
breakfast. Not even the person on the other end.
You look like a mentally slow driv yelling into
thin air all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What
men consider self -centered dunce. Monty constantly
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go the
fuck home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably
forgot the theming because you're too busy looking
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. Christopher,
you know our, uh... elaborate prank section,
right? Mm -hmm. Okay, well, I've got one for
you. I never told you about Babble Snatch, have
I? Uh, no. Okay, even if I did, just say I didn't
know. You know, there's nothing about Babble
Snatch. Yeah, I would think I would remember
a name like Babble Snatch. Okay. Well, Babble
Snatch, this is back in the 80s, probably mid
-80s, best guess. Could have been 87 at the latest,
but anyhow. Yeah, I used to go to the 7 -Eleven
in Belvedere, which isn't there now. It was knocked
down and then replaced way later by a quick trip.
But anyhow, I used to go in there all the time
and, you know, go in there and buy sodas and
shit and whatever, you know, rolling papers for
my friends, not for me. And anyhow, you know,
just shit like that. Anyhow, there's this guy
in there. I don't know. I think he hated long
hairs or something. I noticed he was nice to
everybody but me. I'd be third in line. Anyhow,
the first guy, hey, Mr. Jones, how you doing?
Oh, man, yeah, nice weather. Hey, how's the kid?
Next person, hi, Loretta, how you doing? Oh,
man, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's going good,
man. I got the old Taurus running really good.
Yeah, yeah, come by, man. The old Taurus. Yeah,
you know. I come up there, 142. So, how you doing,
Paul? 142. Okay, here you go. And I'm like, what
the hell? How come this guy hates me? And every
time I go in there, nice as pie to everybody,
but me, it's like, just like, it ought to be
249. So, weather's pretty nice out there. Thanks,
bye. I'm like, that motherfucker. So he did this
so many times, and he just never talked to me.
He wouldn't even, like, hardly look at me, you
know. And I never did nothing to this fucker
that I know of. You know, maybe someone said
something, like this guy said, you know, that
you're a dick, or maybe someone's screwing with
him, like, hey, man, you think she's got a nice
ass? Who knows? Whatever the fucking deal was,
the guy was just a complete tool bag to me constantly.
So I was like, all right, bitch. So I go home,
and I think about it. I'm like, okay. So I start
calling up, and I go, hey, you got any Babble
Snatch gum? What? Babble Snatch. Oh, man, everybody,
I mean, I bought it from there a couple weeks
ago. Stuff is fucking awesome, man. I'll tell
you what, man, you know, talk to your manager
about it. Is this like a breath freshening gum?
I don't, you know. Maybe a bubble gum? I just
came up with it. And anyhow, the guy, he bit
on it, you know. He was like, oh, yeah, I'll
check on it for you. That's awesome. Hey, thanks,
man. I appreciate it. So anyhow, so I called
back a little bit later. Yeah, someone called
earlier, you know. And anyhow, I'm sure we have
it here somewhere. But, you know, I'll talk to
my manager about it tonight, and we'll see what
we can do. So anyhow, I have a couple other people
call it about Babble Snatch gum. And, you know,
and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know,
we're working on getting it in. Okay. You know,
the regional manager, we called him and he said
that he was going to work on getting it in here.
And I go, well, you know, I bought it the other
day and it's just so good. And they believe me.
I go, man, this gum is just so great tasting.
And he's like, it's Babble Snatch, right? Yeah,
Babble Snatch. That's the name of it. Okay. All
right. I would have loved to listen in on the
conversation when he's asking the regional manager
about Babble Snatch gum. Oh, yeah. you know,
anyhow, I called down there the next day and
I go, Hey man, you know, you got that babble
snatch gum. You know, the guy's like, Oh, hang
on, hang on. I think it's in, we just had a load.
Hang on. So anyhow, so the guy's like, you know,
and this is the guy I hated, the Paul guy. So
anyhow, he's like, yeah, hang on a second. So
I hear him like, yeah, Hey, I'm going to go to
the back there. And it's in one of the boxes.
I said it was coming in today. So, all right,
no big deal. So I hear him go back. I hear some
rustling and a couple of people come in and then
he stops. He goes up there. Oh yeah. be 1242
okay thank you have a good day and then he helps
someone else i hear him go back again i hear
him wrestling through some more boxes meanwhile
i'm laughing my ass off anyhow this guy he like
for like 20 minutes is looking for babble snatch
gum so anyhow so like finally like a half hour
later he comes back he goes man he goes look
i know we're gonna have it in by the end of the
day i talked to my manager okay all right man
all right i'll come in at night and I'll get
some gum, man. Save some for me, man, okay? My
name's Billy. I'll be in. Okay, okay, all right.
I'll save you some Babel Snatch gum. No problem.
So a couple hours later, I call up and I talk
to the manager. The manager's like, yeah, yeah,
I ordered some a couple days ago and it should
be in. If it's not in right now, it's going to
be in by the end of the day. I guarantee you.
So I don't know how the hell they ordered it
because there was no such thing as Babel Snatch
gum. I made the shut up and all of a sudden,
I mean, everybody wanted this fucking Babel Snatch
gum. And it never did exist. Matter of fact,
this prank. got so good to where i ended up this
is you know in the 80s before digital cameras
even let alone you know there are phone cameras
and all the you know photoshop and everything
no internet no we had to like cut stuff out of
wrappers and stuff and make a fake babble snatch
gum and take an old fashion fashion like Polaroid
type of picture. I forgot what it was. It could
have been one of those little box cameras back
then. Probably the only thing I could afford,
you know. Hey, we actually took a picture of
the Babble Snatch gum. And a guy went in there.
He goes, hey, man, I need this. The guy's like,
I know, I know, I know, man. We're working on
getting it in. It's hard to get, man. Everybody
wants this Babble Snatch gum. So anyhow, I guess
the whole moral of the story is don't be a dick
to me because then I'll do something like that.
And even now, to this day, I'll have a couple
people on my friends list every now and then.
Like send me a little message. It'll go babble
snatch. I'm like, ah, ha, ha. I remember one
time I was like working up in fucking New York
or something. And all of a sudden I get a ding.
And like I'm on top of this fucking skyscraper
they were putting in glass. And I look down and
it says babble snatch. And I'm like, fuck. I'm
up there dying in this glass about ready to fall
and kill 100 people. They recover your body and
they look at your phone. Well, the last text
you received said Babble Snatch. We better look
into this. By some guy named Dirtbag. Yeah. So
anyhow, that is my elaborate prank section of
this. Unless we throw some more in there, but
anyhow. Babble Snatch. Never forget it. This
name lives on. Next time you take a dump, listen
to two douchebags and a microphone. It's been
proven in laboratory rats to relax your anal
canal. Get in cover. I'm here at the Talk is
Cheap studio, but it is a mobile one located
in Eureka Springs at the Flatiron Flats balcony.
My name is Mark. And I don't know what else to
say except... Hey, I got a question, Rob. Can
you hear the music in the background? Oh, okay.
Can you hear the music in the background? There's
a car around here playing loud music. Okay. Oh,
okay. Well, that's cool. Well, I have the other
side shut down. I was just wondering if it went
through. It's good music. It didn't matter, so...
All right, Rob, you got a story you want to go
into, and then I'm going to go into some new
words that were accepted by the Cambridge Dictionary.
Okay, well, I'm going to go from... How's that?
Okay, that sounds good. Unidentified flying object
reportedly crashed into a cornfield and exploded
in the eastern Poland village of Osnie early
Wednesday, August 20th morning. Polish news agency
PAP reported via the Associated Press. The incident
took place at around 2 a .m. local time. Local
authorities found burned metal and plastic debris
at the scene. as well as windows broken in nearby
houses, though no injuries were reported, according
to the AP. No violations in Polish airspace from
the neighboring countries of Ukraine nor Belarus
were recorded prior to the incident, according
to Poland's Armed Forces Operational Command.
Cool. prosecutor that was sad we have a lot of
manpower we have the army to help us I hope that
we will be able to finish the operation by the
evening wow several intrusions into Polish airspace
have been reported since Russia launched its
invasion on Ukraine how close it is to the ongoing
war. This don't sound like nothing from that
war. Wow. It doesn't to you? In what now? It's
a... They went on to... Somebody went on to try
to explain it as the Russian -Ukraine war. Oh,
okay, I get what you're saying. Okay, it wasn't.
This does not sound like anything like that.
No, no. I think they're trying to justify what
it was, and they were completely wrong, it sounds
like. Well, they don't know yet. It's still an
utter investigation. But, you know, at this point
it's still a UFO. Yeah, yeah, I mean and a UFO
doesn't mean it's an alien. It means it's unidentified.
That's all it means right, right? neat story
Okay, so will will you do a follow -up on that
if they come up with some more information? Yes,
I will definitely. Okay, good. I'm interested
to see what that actually is because it doesn't
sound like something out of the war. It sounds
like something else, but who knows? Yeah. All
right. Cambridge has some new words, over 6 ,000
new words. I'm not going to go over every 6 ,000
of them, right? But I'm going to have some highlights
here, okay? These are some new words that are
kind of like quotes. that they decided to go
ahead and docker -nate into this dictionary because
they're so popular. And this isn't Webster. This
is Cambridge Dictionary. They do different stuff.
Webster comes up with new words, too, according
to their popularity. But Cambridge is more of
a, what would you say, hip, maybe, Rob? Yeah.
Yeah, hip, youngster, Gen Z type of a dictionary,
maybe. So, all right. Trade wife. is the first
one. It stands for traditional wife. So, like,
if you have a wife that's at home making, you
know, making the house and watching the kids
and taking them to soccer practice and all that,
that's what they consider a traditional wife,
and they would use the name trade wife to explain
her. It's like, oh, hey, uh... Hey, what about
Paul over there? Who's he married to? Oh, yeah,
she's a complete trade wife. So, you know, you
can see where they got that at. So, Luke is the
next one. It's a playful twist on the word lewd,
which is meaning a distinctive style of... of
outfit or lack of outfit or it can also mean
bold or eye -catching outfit luke instead of
lewd and uh oh and and also instead of loud sorry
this lighting out here is horrible and uh it's
it's a green light that they have out here on
the balcony it's really hard to read by so okay
it's a combination of loud and uh and lewd it's
luke And so it can mean either a risque outfit
or it can also mean a loud outfit, which is like
bold and, you know, eye -popping and catchy and
all that. Maybe bedazzler or something. Okay,
so bro -liarchy. Bro -liarchy. It's a term for
the tech industry leaders. On what platforms,
many of them, the new words appear on. So bro
-ology is just simply explaining like these different
social media platforms that they spread these
new words around that someone came up with. And
it's a mix of bro and oligarchy. So it's bro
-a -gar -key. Anyhow, something like that. I'm
sorry, I'm a couple deep. Mouse giggler is the
next one that I want to go over. I know. A post
-pandemic device or piece of software used to
make it look and appear like you're working when
you are not. You like that, a mouse giggler.
So you're at home working, or supposedly working,
okay? And they have a way to kind of keep track
of you on the internet? Well, you have some sort
of software that makes it look like you're working
away, you're online working away, right? That
is called a mouse giggler. So, hey, Jimmy, we
have what? What are you doing? Oh, I'm mouse
giggling. Oh, ha ha, good, you're getting paid
for it. Yeah, sure am. That's kind of like how
that would be used. Fatal is a word that describes...
something that is really bad, but also a fable.
So it's like a horrible fable that's, you know,
something that's not true. So, and it doesn't
really have a meaning on that one. I think you
can use that in a different one. The next one
is trasidoning. No, no, no, trasnodding. Okay.
Can you guess what this is about, Rob? Trasnoddy.
It was used for deep slumber with help from a
sleep aid like Trazodone. Right. I knew you kind
of caught it. I knew that was coming. Yeah, yeah,
I caught that one. Yep. And then without going
into too many of them, I just want to get some
of the highlights. A to Z look. is the next one.
And I know that's more than one word, but it
is in the Cambridge Dictionary now. A to Z look
is where a person is trying to read a menu with
small print and uses their phone as a cheat.
I guess I've been doing A to Z looking for quite
a while now. I do that all the time. I'll enlarge
it with my phone if the menu's too small. Do
you do that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we A to Z look
according to the Cambridge Dictionary. Actually,
what I try to do is I try to look them up on
Facebook and get their menu before I get there.
Oh, I do that too. I already know what I want.
Yeah, I cheat on it too. And I'll go, oh, okay.
And then fucking... Pop corn chicken looks pretty
good with that fucking zesty barbecue sauce there.
I think I'm gonna go with that. Or those loaded
nachos look fucking righteous to me. I think
I'm gonna go that direction. I'd do that too.
Yeah, and I've been wanting it since before I
left the house. Yep, that's funny. Everybody
does about the same thing, the ritual. It's like,
okay, I've never been to this place before. I
better look it up. And then also, if you don't
like the menu, you can also maybe be like, hey,
you know what, I think I'm just going to have
a cold tonight. I ain't going there. All right,
Rob, we turn to you. Okay. This is another one
half a story, but not like the other part. Okay.
And it's an off -the -wall one. Prove me this,
Batman. What Missouri town has zero population,
but has a mystery person guarding it? I have
no idea why, but based on recent reports, that
is what's going on in a now abandoned Missouri
place. Okay. World Population Review confirmed
that... There is officially a population of zero
in Corning, Missouri now. Okay. This is one of
the... Okay, well, that shows the picture. Farmers
Publishing confirmed that Corning, Missouri was
unincorporated back in 2023 with the final residents
there left. Happens all the time in rural Missouri.
Actually, not just Missouri, any rural area.
But the story of Corning, Missouri is not done
yet. Urban Explorers on Reddit said just a few
weeks ago, they went to this now -absolved Missouri
town to take pictures, but were chased off by
a mystery person. They said, I wish we could
have... more and more, but the single person
who still lived in the town caught us and felt
like it was his job to protect all of the abandoned
property in the entire town. We never stepped
foot on this property. Okay, what the hell is
people not using punctuation? Shit to kill them.
Remember that last podcast, all that reading,
there was no commas, no grades. Sometimes, if
I print something out after taking it from another...
You know how you can highlight it and then take
it to a blank page to just get the parts of the
article you want? A lot of times it will mix
up the punctuation marks, and I'm learning now.
You go through there and perforate that bastard,
because if not, you're going to sound pretty
damn stupid. So I got what you're saying, Rob.
Yeah, it sucks. It's like, what the hell? I don't
know whether... This is a sentence or not. Yeah.
Shit. But it rots me out of breath. You know
what? This podcast is free. Stop whatever you
want. Stop whatever you want. Feel free to say,
fuck you, I'm not doing it. What are they going
to do? Quit subscribing? Well, yeah, I guess
they could. Hey, at least I can say I got every
word in. Absolutely. You know what? People can
figure it out after you read it all. They can
add their own punctuation, right? Yep. Fair enough.
There you go, guys. Add your own punctuation
because Rob cares. He wants you to enjoy your
story how you want to enjoy it, so he gives it
to you raw. Rob is the raw story guy, right?
Oh, yeah, that's raw. Yeah, it's raw. He just
throws it out there with no punctuation, and
you... you have to you put in your own punctuation
good job rob rob doing the raw so um all right
i got something a little bit different here yes
um ladies come out with some new flavors lace
potato chips as if southern biscuits and gravy
wasn't enough Which they do have now. And they
brought it back. And it's been out for a while.
So hopefully they keep it. Southern biscuits
and gravy is very noteworthy. It's good. It tastes
good. Lay's potato chips have come out with three
new tailgate flavors. This is for tailgates.
From the chip experts. Hot sauce flavored chips
for tailgating are new on the shelves. Or my
personal favorite, without trying it. Loaded
nachos. Doesn't that sound good? Oh, my God,
yes. Dude, I haven't even had dinner yet. I'm
going to eat dinner after we get done. Oh, sorry.
No, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. And the last
gem is cheesy buffalo dip potato chips. Oh, man.
That right there sounds to me like... As good
as it gets. Uh -oh. I got a dog going nuts over
here. Did you hear it? Yeah, I heard some. Okay.
All right, and that's the end of those. Those
are three new tailgater chips that they're coming
out with. I guess they're out with now because
of football season. So I suggest you look them
up because, I mean, I think they're all good.
I mean, Lay's usually does a pretty good job
with their flavors, don't you think? Yeah, definitely.
Yeah, they do. Yeah. So I would say, and their
southern biscuits and gravy are really, really
good. And I was like kind of skeptical. Wouldn't
you be? You'd be like, I don't know. Biscuits
and gravy, southern? Actually, when they came
out with it the first time, I tried it. I loved
them. Okay. Well, I didn't try until a little
bit later just because I just wasn't around wherever
they had them. And I was really surprised. Very
good. Yeah, they came out with them here. I tried.
I love them. Yeah, they're very good. All right,
Rob, we turn to you. Okay, this one starts out.
Watch as a Justin Bieber look -alike tricks a
Vegas nightclub into letting him perform on stage
and run up a $10 ,000 tab. Oh, I love that. There
is a video. which unfortunately I could not share
with you. If I have, if we were live, I could,
but, uh, staff and morning goers at the five
-star Wynn Las Vegas Hotel were convinced that
scammer Dylan Descalas 49 was the real Canadian
pop star. Cool. from a back crowd. Was he good
then? Bob did that. Oh, okay. Almost everyone
is recording the moment on their phones and appear
totally cool. He belts out Bieber's hit, Sorry,
and prances around always wearing a pair of dark
glasses. The DJ is also completely oblivious,
hyping up the Brainstorm from behind the decks.
Oh my gosh. This is... Give him the tab for free,
geez. Another clip shows it during Vance clamoring
to snap a selfie with the scholars. The great
security team was in tow, and the group wandered
around shops and behind the bar. Impersonator
got their eight -couple trashed before Statt
clogged onto the roof and booed him on stage.
Griffin saw the funny side of the song and documented
it out and uploaded it on Instagram. Look, the
guy could probably get a gig like that being
a... A tribute, Justin Bieber. Yeah. You see,
I think that that place, that club... Yeah, you
kid. I think they mishandled it. I think they
should have went with it. I think they should
have just been like, you know what? Yeah, we
got pulled on this, but we like this guy. Everybody
likes him. Let's bring him back. I'm telling
you, it sounds like he would have went over good.
I'm looking at the picture, man, and yeah, he's
got the glasses on. As long as he's got glasses
on, Jim looks like me. That is fantastic. Hey,
modern day entrepreneur. And he evidently sounded
like him. He would have had to. I mean, yeah,
it sounds like everybody was on board, so he
had to have looked and sounded like him quite
a lot. You know, it had been pretty spot on.
Wow that is cool to hear I like that story all
right Rob it is 907 and you want to go ahead
and call this one no I don't mind because actually
it's very uncomfortable out here it's a narrow
balcony and it's kind of hard to do this So I
think I'm going to go ahead and be with you on
that and say, you know what? If we got over an
hour by the time I put in all the business stuff,
it'll be an hour and ten. That's fine. That's
good. And you're probably fighting mosquitoes
at this point. Yes, I am. Yep. That's why I had
to go inside. I'll let you off the hook, brother.
I'll let you off the hook. No, Rob, you actually
caught it. That's why I had to go inside to get
mosquito repellent. Hey, I'm from the area. I
know. Yeah, you're right. After dark, you got
skewers. Oh, yeah, they're all over the fucking
place. But I sprayed a little Repel on me, and
it kept some of them off, but I don't know. Some
of them are still coming around. Anyhow... Is
Santornella... Is Santornella... I think I have
some. You're with you. It's in the car, but the
valet takes the car because there's no place
to park here. The valet takes the car somewhere
else. Fuck it. I'll just go inside after this.
Anyhow, hello, Albuquerque. Hi, Albuquerque.
Hi, Opal. Hi, Jimmy. Anyhow, thank you guys for
listening, and good night, assholes. Good night,
assholes. All right. Somehow Oh No looks like
this shows over kids mark has explosive diarrhea
and can't afford a wireless mic Fear not assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear hole soon