Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the
Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or
Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's
phones, unattended computers, public computers,
and all of my work computers as well, and download
the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to make other people listen. I,
Joe or Jane Listener. will hereby lie to everyone
about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to make all my family members
listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.
And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,
just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. Hey, if you're a
fan of paying way too much for trinkets and food,
well, your wish is coming true. Kansas City International
Airport Guest Pass Program is starting today.
Yes, you too could overspend on workless trinkets
and $15 cups of coffee. You want to buy a $50
cheap t -shirt that has KC Western Auto Building
image on it? We got you covered. Want a barbecue
sauce gift pack? No problem. Just a mere $40
on your first morning. Hurry. You know rubes
are jumping all over to get to this complete
ripoff. Because people are cheap. Hey, good kid.
No one gives an ounce of shit what you had for
breakfast. Not even the person on the other end.
You look like a mentally slow driv yelling into
thin air all through the store. I pray that Bluetooth
shorts you out and blows up your eardrums. What
men consider self -centered dunce. Monty constantly
coddled this dummy and it fucking shows. Go look
back home and bore your dog. Wait, you probably
forgot the theming because you're too busy looking
in the mirror all day. Fuck off. And now we look
in on the adventures of the technical explanation
guy. Excuse me, my dear sir. Could you please
put my plain bread in a small countertop appliance
with heating elements that would spring -loaded
and would brown my bread adequately? Well, first
off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over there
sitting at the table having a drink. Second off,
are you talking about someone toasting your bread?
Why, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about my bread
being toasted. Then why don't you just ask for
your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard? The
hell's wrong with you? Hey there, slap nuts.
It's time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my
little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol
with your music news. In a recent interview with
WZLX's Kenny Young, Joe Perry once again spoke
about the possibility of Aerosmith playing one
final concert. A year after the legendary rockers
announced that they were officially retiring
from touring due to singer Steven Tyler's vocal
injury. Aerosmith made the announcement August
2, 2024, nearly one year after the 77 -year -old
singer fractured his larynx during a September
2023 show. Perry said about the likelihood of
another Aerosmith show, We're actually talking
quite a bit. I know our touring days are over,
but I don't know. We're all flesh and blood.
I don't know, but I would say at some point we
will all be together on the same stage. If I
was a betting man, which I am, I would say at
some point something's going to happen, but we'll
see. Stay tuned. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That
was your music news. And remember, bar chords
are bullshit. You watched the news. It looks
grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We suggest
you download all of our podcasts beforehand and
have multiple mobile chargers. We have the post
-apocalypse. Okay, so you have your bunker set.
And what do you do inside this bunker to give
you the readiness if an apocalypse occurs? Here
are some products you will probably use. Zip
ties, duct tape, fishing line, a needle and thread.
Matches or lighter, scissors, safety pins, super
glue, bungee cords, parachute cord, sugar, salt,
pepper, garlic, and chicken and beef bouillon
cubes. Crusty's instant pancake mix, Jiffy muffin
mix, or Bisquick, or all the above. Powdered
milk, cocoa, instant coffee, or other dry beverage
mixes. Canned meats like tuna, chicken, salmon,
and sardines. Candid dry soup like Lipton and
Knorr noodle packages. Nuts. Peanut butter, jelly,
or honey, breakfast bars, cereals, packaged oatmeal,
low -salt crackers, Ritz crackers, ram crackers,
or animal cookies. Canned and dry vegetable and
fruit, and this should get you started. Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas
City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. Awesome.
Cool. Well, you know, we're going to Eureka Springs
Tuesday, and we're going to try to do a show
from down there, which means Tuesday I'm going
to be on the road, and then probably Tuesday
night I'm not going to feel like doing a podcast.
So how about Wednesday night? Is that good? I
have a busy week, which I've been coming, so.
Okay. Yeah, Wednesday works. I can switch that
around. Okay, excellent. I got to looking at
some stuff, and one of our favorite places closed,
The Rockin' Pig. Oh, no shit. Yeah, The Rockin'
Pig is gone. Have you ever been there? Very popular
place. I think I remember driving by it. I never
went in. It is a great place. They had a Nashville
chicken that was out of this world. It was great.
And the only thing I can think of is, yeah, it
was good, really good. Well, the thing is, is
this right here. They were having problems getting
help, and we weathered the storm. It took like
20 minutes to get in there, and only half the
tables, you know, were being used. And people
are getting pissed off going, why don't they
let us all in? Well, I knew why. The reason is
they didn't have enough help. Otherwise, they
would have had everybody come in. And people
were getting mad. They had to wait outside and
all this stuff. And I get it. But the common
person, or not common person, I think most people
don't put that much thought into it, right? But
I did. I was like thinking, boy, I don't know.
This might affect their business eventually.
I guess it did. Well, it sucks. I mean, what
can you do? I mean, down there especially, you're
limited to whoever comes to you. Whoever comes
to you and wants work, that's who you get. You
don't get your pick of the litter, right? Right.
So there's just not that many people down there
is the problem, and all these places need help,
and I guess the Rockin' Pig just couldn't handle
it. This is what I think happened. I didn't read
it or anything, but I kind of read into it being
there the last few times and the way business
was done. A widow has her late husband's tattoo
cut from his corpse. Framed as a cool tribute.
Yes. Framed as a cool tribute, it does so much
more than a picture. Instead of wearing her heart
on her sleeve, she got her husband's sleeve framed,
Rob. I get it. I get it. Honestly, I do. I get
it. Well, at first I was kind of gasping. I get
it too. You feel like I do. After I thought about
it for a minute, you caught it a lot quicker
than I did. It took me a minute to warm up to
this because I'm kind of like, oh, that's kind
of ghoulish. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of ghoulish.
No, I get it. I get it too now, you know. That's
love, you know. I agree, I agree. And also he
wanted, I'll go on in this article here, but
he wanted it to be done anyhow. When Angelica
Radevsky lost her spouse unexpectedly earlier
this year, the West Virginia nurse and mother
of one made a bold decision that has stunned
millions online. She preserved and framed a piece
of his tattooed skin. Angelica, 35, and her husband
TJ had been lifelong friends before marrying
in 2021 and raising their 10 -year -old son,
Preston. I knew we were going to do this because
we had talked about it before, Angelica said.
Now viral TikTok video. Of the more than 70 tats
TJ had inked over his body, they chose to preserve
his Pittsburgh Steelers helmet design. Well,
that's the only flaw in this story. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, well, sorry about his bad taste.
Complete with skull imagery and finished off
in his beloved team's black and gold colors.
It was his first sleeve tattoo and a favorite
of his and their son, Preston, who was the one
who ultimately made the final call. This is dad,
he told his mother. So their 10 -year -old son
was in on it, too. So, yeah, I think that's cool,
too. He has something there that he can pick
up and go, you know, love you, dad. I get it.
I get it, you know. So after the funeral, Angelica
and both our fathers have passed away. So we
know how horrible that is for a son, especially
him. I mean, he's 10 years old and his dad was
in his 30s. So I could only imagine. My dad was
in his 50s and that was hard enough, you know.
He was 55 and that was rough enough. And I had
a few years with him, not as many as I wanted,
but I could only imagine this. I think this is
great that he's going to have this to remember
his dad by. Of course, he's going to get older.
He's going to get much older and he's going to,
memories aren't going to be quite so vivid, but
he's going to have this to look at, right? Yeah.
You know what I mean? Every now and then, my
mind will flash back to certain things about
my dad. It's been so long. It's been since 93.
So every now and then, little certain flashbacks,
I remember some things. Like I remember his Alberto
V05 cream that he put in his hair. Remember that
the other day for no reason, right? You do stuff
like that too? Yeah. That's good for you, Rob.
Rob, you are a great son. You are a great son.
It gives me a little bit of therapy, too. It
does. It does. I'll tell you what. I go over
there and talk to my brother and my dad whenever
I can, not as much as I want, you know, because
I live in the city now, and they're over there
in Cleveland, Missouri. Well, around, close to.
So, you know, whenever I get a chance, I go by
there and talk to them, and it's very therapeutic.
Although I do believe my brother visits me in
my dreams quite often. I wouldn't doubt it. Yeah,
there's something to it. There really is. It's
so vivid and real to me. It's almost like a different
type of relationship with him in a different
world. But that's for another time. After the
funeral, Angelica used a marker to outline the
exact tattoo they wanted to preserve on TJ's
right arm. A mortician then carefully removed
the skin, placed it in a special preservation
kit provided by an Ohio -based company, saved
my ink forever, and sent it off before TJ's body
was cremated. The preservation process took around
90 days when the company returned the framed
tattoo encased in glass and set in dark wooden
frame. The moment was overwhelming. I knew it
would be. Wouldn't you know that too, Rob? Yeah,
when they get that and they see that piece of
their loved one. I really like this article.
I really like what they did. When he handed it
to us, I was shocked, Angelica told people. And
it was a good shock. So many things you didn't
know, you were missing instantly, felt better.
Yeah. I think I know exactly how she felt. What
about you? well it took me a minute but man after
i warmed up to it i was like i really got warm
i was like you know what that's pretty damn cool
um rob have you ever heard of these freaky frankenstein
rabbits no okay they've been spotted in these
two states and you know what Colorado and Minnesota.
Okay. Sorry, it was on down there and I couldn't
remember what states they were. I just read it
a little bit ago. I'm like, ah, these two states?
It's hair today, gone tomorrow. They wrote this.
Thanks to a face full of freaky tentacles. Their
grotesque, Frankenstein -esque rabbits, once
just a Colorado curiosity, are now turning up
in Minnesota and Nebraska. Oh, sorry. Minnesota,
Nebraska. Their furry faces, so it's Colorado,
Minnesota, and Nebraska where they're all in
right now. Their furry faces sprout a grotesque
horn and tentacle -like gross straight out of
a B -movie. And unsettling deformities, and look
these up if you get a chance, Rob. They are freaky
looking. The unsettling deformities are the calling
card of Continental Pampavilla Virus, CRPV, also
known as SHOP. Papavilla virus. A bug turns harmless
bunnies into nightmare fuel. The DNA -twisting
illness is spread when mosquitoes, ticks, or
fleas bite an infected rabbit and then pass it
on to other rabbits. While the virus doesn't
affect humans or pets or dogs or cats, wildlife
officials are warning, look, don't touch. First,
the infection appears as small red bumps. Then,
as the virus works its dark magic, the spots
erupt into wart -like tumors that can harden
into basically horns. It's kind of hard to describe.
But the bizarre horns and tentacles now haunting
Midwestern lawns. In some cases, these warts
morph into deadly skin cancer, which, you know,
any time anything like that morphs into everything,
you can bet cancer will be involved, even in
a rabbit, you know. So while the virus doesn't,
let's see. Okay. In some cases, okay. Morphs
into skin cancer. And this summer could be prime
bunny horror season. Mosquito and tick numbers
soar in the warm months, giving CRPV plenty of
winged and crawling couriers to spread it across
the heartland. Got anything you want to add to
that, Rob? It would probably be a good idea because
you don't want it spreading. Well, I mean, it's
just like deer, you know, the deer wasting disease.
You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Okay.
It's a disease that just dismantles a deer body.
It just like almost liquefies, right? Right.
Okay. It's called wasting disease. and whenever
deer get it, it spreads really easy, and it's
like a plague, and it's horrible death for the
deer, and it's, you know, and there's dead carcasses
everywhere. The only merciful thing to do is
to thin them out. You have to cull the herd.
And so I would think that this is probably the
same type of idea, wouldn't you think? Yeah,
because you would think at some point that animal
would start celebrating. Yeah, oh, it sounds
to me like they do. I mean... Yeah. Just look
at the images on Google, and you can tell it
is so abnormal, it's so abnormal that it has
to not feel good. It's got to be horrible. And
also, stopping potential other victims. You know,
a healthy rabbit, if you kill a diseased one,
they're not going to make it anyhow. And you
may have saved a healthy one because that diseased
one, there's not going to be a mosquito or a
tick jumping off of him and getting on the healthy
one and giving them the same thing. That life
of hell. Okay, we move on. Last week we had a
bird that dropped a fish and it ended up in a
grill of a car, right? Yeah. Well, I guess fish
are getting a little reckless these days. British
Columbia, Canada, a large identified bird dropped
a fish that was too large to carry directly on
a power line that resulted on the line shorting
out and sparking a large grass fire that took
4 ,800 gallons of water to extinguish. The fish
was well done, Rob. No more sushi. No more sushi.
Or even pokey. A zoo, we're moving on from that.
I don't know, you got anything you want to add
to that? No, no, no, you're good. Okay, yeah.
Be aware, this is all you need to know right
now. This is all you need to know. If you see
a bird in the air, a large bird, make sure it's
not carrying a fish. If it's carrying a fish,
get the hell out of there, right? Yep. Yeah,
nothing good's going to happen, trust me. That's
two stories in a row. Yeah. Yeah, get the hell
out of there. Something bad's going to happen.
A zoo in northern Denmark has made an unsettling
request of pet owners in Allerborg. You know
what? I'm not reading this. This one's stupid.
Forget it. They want you to relinquish your pet
if you bring it in there because they don't think
you're taking care of it very well. And you know
what? I'm not even going to go into it because
it's ridiculous. All right, on July 31st, as
the Tampa Bay Rays battled the New York Yankees
in the Bronx, one player ended up winning today
regardless. The Associated Press reported Jose
Caballero, Caballero, Cabello, I think it's Caballero,
28, started the game with the Rays and played
through the sixth inning. But during the seventh
inning stretch, he was traded to the Yankees.
This has happened before. The deal was announced.
The deal was announced after the rain delayed.
You did a story last year, didn't you, about
that happening? Yeah, he arrived on one team.
And left on the other. Yeah, and started the
game on the other team because he got traded.
So he had to put on the other team's jersey.
Yeah, so during the seventh inning stretch, I
guess they told him, they said, go ahead and
go over. It would be. Go ahead and go to the
other dugout. That's your team now. He didn't
even know until then. He's like, what? Yeah,
yeah. See the Yankees? That's your team now.
What a surprise, huh? Yeah, I mean, what do you
do? Do they find you a place to live and all
that? Wouldn't that be fucked up? You know, you're
sitting there on the bench in Tampa Bay going,
hmm. I wonder what I'm going to do after this
game. I don't know. Maybe I'll take a little
swim. I don't know. Maybe go to the ocean for
a little bit. And then all of a sudden, it's
like, go over to the Yankees. You're theirs now.
And, I mean, what? I don't have a place to stay.
What do I do? Just go there and, like, I don't
know, find a hotel? So, I don't know how that
works. I think they would have to find them a
place to stay, right? At least for the interim.
Yeah, you can sleep in the dugout. Look, it won't
rain on you. It's warm season right now. You'll
be fine in New York. Look, it doesn't get over,
it's about 75 degrees at night in New York right
now, so you'll be fine. But in the meantime,
you have food and water. You can take a shower,
you know, all that stuff. And, you know, you
can look for a place before practice every day,
and you'll find one, right? And here's a couple
extra jerseys to cover every other show. Yes.
We're going to give you 10 jerseys. That should
be plenty to get to the laundromat. Anyhow, I
always find those stories funny. But, you know,
that's something they're going to tell their
grandkids. Yeah, I used to play for the Tampa
Bay Rays, and the next thing you know, my manager
come in there, and he told me, you know what?
You know what, Elmo? What? You go over to that
other dugout, you've been traded. What? Yeah,
yeah, you're not us anymore. You're them. And
by the way, we're going to kick your ass. So,
all right. For more than a week, residents in
northern Wisconsin have been riveted by sightings
of a hapless yet elusive bear with a jar stuck
on her head. The bear had been identified plenty
of times, but by the time anyone got there that
could help, she was gone, said Eric Donley of
Duluth. Donley and his nieces were arriving at
their family cabin when the bear came out of
the woods near them, understandably scared. The
youngest niece locked the cabin doors, briefly
leaving her poor uncle outside. She's going,
fuck this, and locks the doors. He's out there
going, bitch! The family called wildlife authorities
from a safe distance and prevented her from disappearing
again. The USDA soon arrived, tranquilizing the
bear, and finally... Removing the stubborn jar.
Authorities said the creature was underweight
for this time of year, but has been safely relocated
and expected to recover fully. So that's good
news, isn't it? Yeah, well, of course it was
underweight. The damn thing grew a knee. Yeah.
With a jar over its head. Yeah. Yeah, I think
so. let's see hang on let me get rid of that
one there and let's see I don't think I want
to go into these two they're kind of a weird
story and we're kind of having fun so let's see
A Slidwell, Louisiana Lowe's Home Improvement
Store was the site of a startling discovery on
May 11th when a 66 -year -old James Cavaliers
of Jasper, Georgia, was found in a display storage
shed at the store with his pants around his ankles
and a tub of Vaseline at hand. Busted! I think
I know what he was doing. What do you think,
Rob? I really wouldn't have a clue. The Smoking
Gun reported that Cavalius admitted pleasuring
himself while watching YouTube in the shed. He
couldn't wait until he got home or in the car.
He was arrested for obscenity and booked into
the county jail, which is probably a good place
for him. Anything you want to add to that, Rob?
No. What was the Vaseline for? Lube? Yep, that
would be my guess. Okay. I guess you don't believe
in spit, huh? I don't know. Oh, well, whatever.
To each his own. Yeah, to each his own. You want
to spit on your hand or whatever, that's fine
with me. I'm not here to judge. I'm not here
to judge. So, all right, Rob, I've got a bunch
of other shit I could do, but let's go to you.
Go ahead. Okay Wow, I didn't oh, okay Or record
shit. They both allegedly had bulk cash in their
clothing. Additional cash was found inside the
hotel room at the casino. According to a criminal
complaint filed by the FBI, they gave a detailed
account to investigators about preparing and
executing the robbery. There's no record that
Brown said anything to the agents. Was that it?
Yeah, yeah. Okay. There's still $10 ,267 .06
missing. That's in the casino. That's in the
machines. That was the first thing I thought
when I read the score. They were losing hard.
It's casino money now. Okay, here's a point I'm
getting at. Why eyeliner if you have sunglasses
on? In case they fall off? I don't know. And
the Dollar General makes it even funnier, doesn't
it? Oh, definitely. And then when he's robbing
the clerk there, don't look at me. Give me this
money. Oh, man, they were bound to get caught
quick, weren't they? Wow. Yeah, he's probably
going to probably die in jail, I would think,
probably. Yeah. That was his last hurrah at the
casino. Thank you, Rob. That was a great story.
You want to come back with some emails? Yeah,
sounds good. Got some interesting ones. They
came to bat on this one. So, we'll be right back.
Proof that we love you here at QD Spades and
Microfilm Central. Here's a proof right here.
How about the drink of the week? How to make
the famous Carnival Cruise Line Miami Vice frozen
drink. Two ounces Bacardi one. Seven ounces frozen
pina colada mix. Three ounces strawberry daiquiri
mix. Half a hurricane glass of ice. Blend it
all together and serve with a slice of pineapple
and a maraschino cherry on top. Bam. There you
go. Miami Vice. carnival style. Hey there, Slap
Nets. It's time for the Creeps Music News. Hey,
my little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol
with your music news. During Nine Inch Nails
concert at the Oakland Arena on August 6, 2025,
frontman Trent Reznor was doused by a leaking
fog machine. The incident happened while performing
Sin, and Reznor responded, I'm trying to play
it cool up here. It's the first time that's ever
happened in my life, so thank you for sharing
that with me. The incident occurred at the start
of the North American leg of the Peel It Back
Tour, their first tour since 2022. The tour's
title references their 1994 song, March of the
Pigs. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your
music news, and remember, bar chords are bullshit.
A little douchebag's a microphone in an effort
to keep everything fresh. We offer you first
world problems. The ATM wants me to make a new
PIN number for security purposes. I don't have
an extra two minutes. I need my Starbucks. I'm
having the worst day ever. Next up, things overheard
in hell. That new Hanson CD. Miss Gulkenstein
was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of
her. Little did the douchebags know, Miss Gulkenstein
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. be very quiet we're gonna listen in as
rob the capuchin monkey tries to sell the rest
of the capuchin monkeys amway rob has always
dreamed of becoming a diamond status amway as
a capuchin monkey Little did our hero Rob know.
All the great apes owned stock in Sam's Club
and became violently pissed off when he tried
to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. And now, Deep
Thoughts with Mark. If I were floating in outer
space, if I was to paddle my arms and legs, Would
I float faster? I may never know. Your mama's
so fat, she makes Godzilla look like an etching
figure. Oh man, what the fuck is this? Is this
a new feature? What's inside Mark's head? Sounds
stupid to me. If you took my first name backwards...
It would read as cram. Introducing Rob Rad's
new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Scent. That's
right, smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour
of Rob's secret bunker in Camderton, Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How
to Clean Raw Sewage for Food. Hey everybody,
this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some
tips for life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick
pics. Rule number one. Type of a pic in someone
else's name. So if you get busted, it's not yours.
Rule number two. Shoot angles complementary to
your length and girth. Rule number four. No propping
of the leg. Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm here at the Can't See chapter. My name is
Mark at the Talk is Cheap studio. All right.
You want to go into some emails? Okay. Mark,
you get angry too easily. I think things get
to you. Try being calm and speak lower tone and
of kindness. Neil in Sarasota. Okay, let's try
this, okay? I'm going to try to speak lower tone
and kindness, okay? Here's my rebuttal. Neil,
fuck you. No, really. You get passion confused
as anger. You must be weak. Can't intake a couple
of harsh words, little fella? Does your tum -tum
hurt? Do you got a bellyache? If there was an
outright war, an invasion, the government gives
us all guns to fight off the invaders, you would
be the first one sprayed with bullets. While
you're trying to figure out how to talk to the
invaders, they already shot you dead. You would
actually probably work better for everyone as
a human shield. That's about it. You got anything,
Rob? No, no, no. Okay. But, Neil, be well. Next
one. Why would anyone take time to email you
idiots, Clem and Branson? Like you did? I told
you they brought it this time. I love hate email.
Right off the bat, too. I don't know. I'm going
to ask you. Why would anyone take time to email
us idiots? This has got to be a joke. I laughed
and laughed and laughed when I read this. Clem,
you're awesome. Send us another one, okay? Let
us know about you. Next one. Mark, I tried my
very first yinling draft. Thanks to your love
for the beer. I am impressed, and Rob loves it
too. This will be my go -to from now on, Wayne
in Nashville. Wayne, let me guess, Dollar Yanlings
at Luke Bryan's on Friday nights, if they still
do that? Dollar Yanling Draws at Luke Bryan's
on Lower Broadway. That was a great deal until
I couldn't walk out of there. Next one, Rob.
Unfortunately, Rob Fest has been canceled. They
found green algae in Lake Freeman and it's to
be shut down indefinitely. And they found green
algae actually in Lake of the Ozarks. Do you
know that? A lady has that brain eating amoeba.
She's fucked up. Okay, let me go over this again.
Rob, unfortunately, Rob Fest has been canceled.
They found green algae in Lake Freeman and it's
to be shut down indefinitely. We will have a
video chat with Rob. Sorry, we did volunteer
you for this. Rob will answer questions and display
his newest loincloth designs. All tickets for
RobFest will be promptly refunded to the card.
Rob, you can use some Massey Creek t -shirts.
We have a lot that are extra. Sure. Okay. It
goes great with your loincloth, right? Yeah.
Mitch Foreman of Lake Freeman Cleanup Crew. You
know, Rob, I got to think about this, and I'm
envious of Clint. He can swim in beautiful Lake
Freeman and not worry about that brain -eating
algae. The algae would starve to death and die.
Yeah. Mitch would jump in and go, I don't have
a worry in the world. It can't eat something
that's not there. I expect an angry email, Clint,
okay? You've been letting me down. You've been
letting me down. All right. Mark, you need to...
I think Clint has become Mitch's bitch. I think
so, too. I think so. I think Mitch told him,
no, you're not to do that anymore. And Clint
said, yes, I agree with you 100%, daddy. I'm
sorry I ever thought of that. Yep. I guess Clint's
his little girl, right? Yep. Yep. He's got them
wearing little teapot dresses. He makes them
dance. All right, next one. Mark, I'm sure I'm
going to get an email now. I'm sure. Mark, you
need an episode that contains all your crazy
stories, but you will need Rob's help. He seems
to remember things clearer sometimes. I would
agree. You always correct me on our stories.
A lot of times you do. You go, no, that's not
how it happened. Here's what happened. I'm like,
oh, okay, I guess so. Erica in Los Angeles. Well,
I do too, but I don't know why they get mixed
up in my mind. I guess there's too many of them.
I don't know. Yeah, there's a lot of garbage
in there. You know, every now and then you got
to take out the trash. I guess I never took out
the trash, right? I don't know. Erica in Los
Angeles. I'm going to continue to place them
in regular shows as needed. And that's how, I
mean, don't you think they're fitting well, Rob?
Yeah, I do. Yeah, I think they're fine just like
that. If I was to put together one show with
all of them in it, I think it'd be kind of, after
a while, people get tired of hearing them. You
need variety. And, you know, and I'm trying to,
I know the last episode didn't have any old bits
in there. But I'm trying to do them in most podcasts
anymore just to kind of rejuvenate those that
are lost. And also, I've got to, Topher's going
to give me like all the masters of the first
three or four, I think it's four seasons now
that are missing. And then I can pick and choose
these bits and put them. So it's going to be
like that. And I appreciate you giving a shit
about it, Erica. Thank you. Hey Mark, could I
get the recipe for your famous pineapple upside
down cake? Please and thank you, Jen in Upper
Michigan. Okay, I start off with Jiffy Yellow
Cake Mix, 30 boxes. 30 pounds of diced pineapple.
10 to 15 pounds of vanilla frosting in a can.
I'm too lazy and refuse to mix the icing. Right,
Rob? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So 10 to 15 pounds of
vanilla frosting. Bake the cake all 30. Put it
in a large storage container. Pour the diced
pineapple directly on the cakes and then pour
frosting on top of the heap of cake and other
stuff, whatever's all in there. And then dig
in. That's your recipe too, isn't it, Rob? Yeah,
that's how you do it. I mean, it's fantastic.
It never fails, does it? No. I mean, you bring
that to a party. And you have plenty for later.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, 30 pounds. Yeah. I mean,
yeah. I mean, you can pass a lot out and you'll
still have a big tub of it going home. Yeah.
Yeah, so. And even if that isn't pineapple upside
down cake, it sounds damn good, doesn't it? Sounds
good. Yeah. Can't go wrong with that. But I would
guarantee that Pineapple Upside Down Cake is
somewhere in that area, wouldn't you think? Something
like that? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah.
So, oh shit, what was her name? Hang on. Or was
it a him? Jen in Upper Michigan. Thank you. All
right, Rob, that's all the emails. You got something?
Yeah, I do. All right. What took them so long?
Jeez. Okay. Wow. You know, I'm still baffled.
It took them so long to induct him. He should
have been a first ballot, shouldn't he? Okay,
he feels like I do and you do And here he is,
83. Yeah. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is a
joke, in my opinion. What do you think? Yes,
yes. A lot of artists agree with that. Yeah.
And then they charge astronomical amount of money
for the people that win to have their loved ones
there. Steve Miller here. Steve Miller's induction,
he does nothing but go off on them about what
a sham he thinks they are. It's pretty funny.
And they couldn't stop him. He just kept going
and going and going, saying, I can't believe
you charged me $20 ,000 for my fucking wife to
be here, or something like that. Yeah, and then
they leave someone out like Chubby Checker, and
then they bring in Dolly Parton, who... deserves
to be in the country hall of fame because she
was like um she's like i don't deserve to be
in here it was so uh it was so bad to her that
she came out with a rock album so she could be
in there you know how she felt it was somewhat
justified um there's no rhyme or reason to me
about who they elect what do you think yeah no
i i totally agree i mean he should have been
there years ago yeah i mean Yeah, and I agree
with him 100%. Fuck you guys now. Yeah, it's
maddening the way they do things. So, yeah, Chubby
Checker should have been in there because the
guy is just, I mean, look at all the stuff he
helped start. Look at the, yeah, so. Thank you,
Rob. Appreciate that. We're going to take our
second break, and I'm going to come back with
a story about Quiet Fired. Have you ever heard
about that? No. Well, it's a new old thing. When
I go into it, you'll recognize what I'm talking
about, I'm sure, because you've been around the
block. Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy
Gertrude is crying because her little Bebo is
listening to this film. Oh, shit. What's that
over there? It's the island of horrible jokes.
If I ever find that doctor that screwed up my
limb replacement surgery, I will kill him with
my bare hands. When you buy and eat half a chicken,
you are secretly sharing a meal with a stranger.
Strange, but true. In the 1920s, there was a
health drink called Radithor that literally contained
radium and consequentially slowly killed its
customers. Evan Byers, a wealthy American socialite,
died from Radithor radium poisoning in 1932.
When his body was exhumed in 1965 for study,
his remains were still highly radioactive. The
only reason Rattathor didn't cause a public health
crisis at the time was because it could only
be afforded by the rich. Have you ever wondered
what something is about? Have you ever looked
at something and said, hmm, I wonder what the
origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why
we give you The Origin Of. What is the origin
of Mountain Dew? Tennessee bottlers Barney and
Ally Hartman developed Mountain Dew as a mixer
in the 1940s. Soft drinks were sold regionally
in the 1930s and the Hartmans had difficulty
in Knoxville obtaining their preferred soda to
mix with liquor, preferably whiskey so the two
developed their own now known as Mountain Dew.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
But my mom told me to not burn trash. Hi there.
This is your ears. Why are you listening to this
garbage? I thought we were friends. Why, Whataburger,
you say? Well, because what a deep -fried crispy
chicken nugget just didn't have the right ring.
I just made a belt out of all my old watches.
Wow, that's unique. Yeah, it was a waste of time.
Oh, hey, look at the time. It's time for the
crazy -ass part of the day. And now, Deep Thoughts
with Mark. Hmm, let's see. If I identify as a
dog... and i start wandering around the block
without a collar on could animal control come
by and pick me up i may never know Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas
City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. And you
hear Mod Ray in the background. Okay, like I
previously mentioned, quiet fired. Are you being
quiet fired? Here's how to spot the signs. You
might not be fired outright, but your employer
could be quietly pushing you out. Quiet firing
isn't a myth. It's a real and common phenomenon.
A 2025 HR tech survey of more than 1 ,000 U .S.
managers revealed that 53 % of employers admit
to using quiet firing tactics, and nearly half
of 20 ,000 people surveyed on LinkedIn in 2022
had seen it in action or experienced it themselves.
I've seen it several times. Yes, I had to. Yeah,
I do. I mean, it's not supposed to be legal,
but it's hard to catch. legal you mean like the
legal process not like going to jail yeah yeah
you're right because you could get sued for all
different kinds of stuff but it's how yeah exactly
and that's why they do it like this quiet firing
is an employer deliberately makes a job so unrewarding
isolating or stagnant that the employee feels
pressured to quit rather than being formally
terminated Quiet firing is not new. It's just
getting more attention, explains Edward Allman,
the managing attorney at Lawyers for Justice.
We spoke to six HR and career experts to break
down the five most common signs of quiet firing
and how to protect your career if it's happening
to you. Here are five clear signs of quiet firing.
Quiet firing might start as being excluded from
meetings you were once a key member of. Cutting
responsibilities or stalling promotions with
no explanation. Check. Seen that, have you? This
may not be as obvious as being excluded from
meetings, but you may also notice project being
carried out with you or abandoned communication
threads that were previously active daily. Shifting
responsibilities if your workload suddenly changes.
Whether you're overloaded with unrealistic goals
or sidelined with meaningless projects, it could
be a sign of quiet firing. And I've seen a shop
manager, it happened just like that. They had
a new guy come in the office, okay? And he wasn't
part of the shop at all. He was just an office
guy. Came in with a suit, you know, a shirt and
a tie every day. And he started doing everything
that the shop superintendent was supposed to
do, right? And then finally, the shop superintendent,
he got pissed off and he quit. And it worked.
Because he felt worthless. Similar to bullying
behaviors, you may be assigned unreasonable workloads
or left with unclear expectations that feel like
a setup, says Walker. While this is a more aggressive
form of quiet firing, it does happen. I've seen
that happen a lot too. Where they set them up.
They set them up to fail. I've seen this happen
with a plant manager. Each way the corporation
suddenly hires an office guy that assumes a great
deal of the plant manager's daily tasks. They
make the plant manager appear obsolete and usually
the workers follow suit and look at the manager
as a joke. Have you seen that happen? Yes, I
have. Yes, I have. Yeah, they kind of start viewing
the plant manager as why are you even here? Someone
else is doing this. I've also seen them put unreal
expectations on a plant manager. In this case,
it was a 30 % profit increase due to his newly
enforced policies. So when this didn't happen,
he kept getting his ass chewed and eventually
left for greener pastures. So they made him,
what they did was they came to him and said,
you're not making us enough money. And he goes,
okay, what would be acceptable? Well, we need
a 30 % increase. And he goes, yeah, done. Next
year you'll have it. So they kept doing the quarterlies
and they weren't seeing this unrealistic goal.
And then finally he left, you know. So, you know,
okay, support diminishes. A quieter tactic is
pulling back on support. This diminished support
may leave you feeling abandoned or alone. making
it challenging to complete your projects. Policy
-driven quiet firing is what this is. Return
to office RTO has been used as a form of quiet
firing. As employees are expected to return to
the office, many decide to leave the company
instead. While many believe this was an unexpected
result, it may have been more targeted than not,
and people don't realize it. When looking into
quiet firing, a troubling trend that our research
uncovered is using RTO as a quiet firing tactic.
The data the Smiths team at Bamboo HR and Coverage
showed that 37 % of managers, directors, and
executives believe that layoffs occurred because
fewer employees than expected quit during the
RTO process. And 25 % of VP and C -suite executives
and 18 % of HR professionals hope for voluntary
turnover during RTO. So in other words, they're
working at home and they're doing their job fine,
right? And then the company just, and this happened
to a good friend of mine. The company suddenly
goes, no, you got to come in here. What? Yeah,
you got to come in here. Well, I'm doing it just
fine right here. No, we want you in here. And
then if you do go in there, they trample on you.
They bear down on you and they watch you like
a hawk. But a lot of people don't even do it.
My friend didn't. He's just like, you know what?
I'm going to find another job. I don't want to
go in there. I never did like him, you know?
So the danger here, like any other, Madre is
going crazy again, our cat, our fucking 18 -year
-old cat or something, whatever she is. The danger
here, like any other quiet firing trend, is that
it can have a bad ripple effect, damaging morale.
I've seen that happen to you, Rob. They do this
to a couple of people and people are like, what's
the use? Why should I work hard? They're going
to do this to me. They're going to view that
I'm obsolete too. Happened to me. Best thing
that happened to me in a long time, but it happened
to me. You get older, you hurt your shoulder,
you get a new knee, stuff like that. And suddenly
it's like, oh, we'll get somebody younger. And
that turned out so well for them. So anyhow,
further research showed that nearly 45 % of employees
who have been through RTO report losing valuable
colleagues. So I have a different point of view.
I would just let them take all the responsibility.
Now, Rob, think about this, okay? I know there's
pride involved, okay? But my point of view is
this. Anymore, the way I feel about places and
how I don't give a shit about that. Well, I care
where I work at now. I care about them. But previous
places, how I don't give a shit about them and
how they were treating me, I would have done
this. Now, you let them take all the responsibilities
away from you and cash my fucking check every
week and laugh all the way home. Wouldn't you
do that? Wouldn't you force their hand by just
taking their money? Yeah, just be like, okay.
So, you know, I've told everybody about a former
employee of mine. They like to do your old topped
out gimmick. Have you heard that one, Rob? Oh,
you're topped out in pay? Yeah. Yeah, they're
gutless users. The operations manager and plant
managers act as their henchmen in this case.
They get paid well to make sure you don't. Right.
Okay, so they hire them, and they hire them to
keep your wages down, and then they upper split
the profit. This happens all the time, and it's
probably negotiated like that too, going, hey,
keep these guys' wages down. We have more money
here for us. And so someone that has no soul,
that is a gutless loser, will do this. That has
no conscience at all. That is an egotistical
asshole that is only worried about themselves.
They can do this. Anybody with a soul cannot.
So the information that the employee provides
is bullshit. They claim poverty. But the reality
is a big game of money goes to in my pocket and
in the operations manager and not you as in the
grunt. Manufacturing is a piece of shit job mostly
anymore. Like the old place I referred to, this
type of setup wasn't anything new. The corporation
gives bonuses to operations managers and shop
superintendents the lower they keep wages. They
have a formula, and the lower you make the employees
work for, the better your bonus check is. I know
this for a fact, because they've told me this.
They say, you're hurting my bonus check. Good,
I'm glad I am. Fuck you. They purposely pick
out greedy, no -conscious pieces of shit. Then
they give them the task of purposely making people
work for shit or leave on their own accord. That
old bald bag of shit I used to work for, about
the greediest piece of shit, no conscience having,
dick wipe, I ever had the displeasure of knowing,
was very good at it. Very good at it. And here's
another tactic that they use, okay? They will
do a little study before they make sure you're
topped out, okay? And I've seen this happen at
several places, so it's nothing new, okay? What
they do is they'll go to these companies around
that place within like 10 miles of where you
work, and they will find out the average wage.
But it won't be what you do. It will be somewhere.
Like, let's say that you do a specific type of
welding or a specific type of press break or
a laser operator, right, that's specialized,
and you know a little something that the average
doesn't, right? Okay. They'll go to a ditch digger
around there and they'll go to a, I don't know,
a carpet place. And they'll do an average wage
composition, which will be much lower than what
you deserve. So when they go, you know, when
someone questions it, they go, well, we did an
average wage around this area and we pay at least
what they do or maybe even a little bit more.
So we don't feel bad about our wage at all. And
it's complete bullshit. So, anyhow, that's all
I wanted to go of that one. So, Rob, go ahead.
Did you hear that one of Eddie Van Halen's guitars
coming up for auction? Yes, I did. And I left
that story alone because I knew it was yours.
Yeah, the famous one. Nice Wow Frankenstrat,
correct me if I'm wrong, Rob. I know you know
a lot about music. This is a guitar that he built
out of parts, isn't it? Yes, yes. And it's the
one that's always in the pictures. Yeah, the
British looking one. Yeah. Yeah, well, what this
guitar is, is the one he used on stage. Yeah.
Okay, so it wasn't the actual Frankenstrat. It
was the one that he used on stage that mimicked
the Frankenstrat. Okay, okay. Yeah, if I had
the money, I would definitely think about that,
wouldn't you? Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't
that be awesome just to have, yeah. Wow. Yep.
Yeah. If I had to throw away money, that would
be the first thing I'd throw my money away on.
One of them. There's a thing going around, Rob.
How do you check out of a hotel? Generations
argue over the right way to do it. Forget bellhops
and key drops. One TikTok traveler says the fastest
way to check out of your hotel is to not check
out at all. In a viral clip uploaded last week,
the woman films herself strutting out of her
hotel without so much as a nod to the front desk.
For older generations, this is how you check
out of a hotel. You just walk out the video red.
The front desk doesn't need you to tell them
you're checking out, and they don't need you
to hand them the key. They don't need to know
you're leaving right then. But her ghost exit
hack didn't exactly get a standing ovation in
the comments section. Younger generations, this
is how you leave if you don't want to be kind
and maybe give someone else an early check -in.
They really need one critic clap back. Now there's
that, right? Okay, but I'm going to go into something
here in a minute. One other noted, no, but as
a former housekeeper, it makes our jobs a lot
easier if you're polite and let someone know.
Another user replied, You do you. I'm not afraid
of a minor social interaction. Travel for work.
Hundreds of hotels. Always check out at the desk.
Key receipt. And it's the right thing to do.
Someone else insisted. Another piled on. Checking
out isn't an old person thing. It's an empathetic
to the staff thing. Travel agent Shea Martin
told Today .com in a recent interview that technically
there's nothing stopping you from leaving a hotel
or resort without checking out. checking out
at the desk is a courtesy to feature guests and
a hotel staff to let you know that the room is
going to be ready if someone needs to check in
early. And there's another perk, avoiding a nasty
billing surprise, which I've had that happen
to me because I've left hotels before, and then
go, hey, what's this for? I didn't order this
or I didn't have that. Stopping by the desk gives
guests a chance to iron out any minibar mysteries
before the charges hit their card. So, here's
a way I think... Now, Rob, you've traveled a
bit too, right? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Okay.
This is a way that I've learned to do it. And
I think it's the most efficient and it also makes
sense to everybody because this way you can help
people that want to check in early. But you don't
have to be that pain in the ass and go down there
and wait 10 minutes for everyone to get through
to check out and go, hey, I'm out of here. Have
a good one. I'm 302. Here you go. Thank you.
Where's my receipt? You don't have to do any
of that because the receipts are emailed to you
anymore. So I traveled in the past a lot and
I've had a real and only sensible answer. You
go to the maid cart and let them know you're
leaving. And there's always one up there on the
floor you are because they start cleaning as
soon as they can. That way they can clean your
room for an early arrival. Inside you leave a
$5 tip with a key on top of it. So you see, so
they can't rent that room until they clean it
anyhow. So when they go in there, yeah, there's
a $5 bill. With a key on top of it. So you're
expected to leave a tip anyhow, right? They say
that? Okay. This way they're earning it. You
don't have to go check out. Because you sent
that $5 there. And there's a key on top of it.
That says, hey, make sure everything's correct
for me, please. Here's $5. That way they're doing
something with you. And you can go, you know,
for you. And you don't have to go, you know,
you don't have to waste time on all that. frivolous
bullshit about checking out um she'll know that
the room's clean she can call down to the front
desk and go yeah um the guy left me the key uh
he told me he was leaving i got the room cleaned
so it's ready to go so everybody's happy someone's
got to check in early you're out there as soon
as you could they cleaned it as soon as you could
and you don't have to go downstairs and mess
with anybody and i guarantee you every hotel
has a cleaning mate on every floor if it's past
eight In the morning, there's a cleaning maid
there because they're trying to get people in
there as soon as possible. They have people with
day passes, and they have people that stay the
night. They want those rooms cleaned. So that's
how you do it. We turn to you, Rob. Unless you've
got something more to add to that. No. No. You
said it all, brother. All right, brother. Go
ahead. Yeah. Oh. Oh. I agree. Mm -hmm. Yeah,
that's what I've always done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Just straight off target. $20 opportunity
every time. Just wipe your court. Yeah. Yeah,
no, there's a lot of places that do that, and
it pisses me off to no end, and I won't do business
with them. Right. To me, it's thievery. You know
how many people don't look at their bill, you
know, and they depend on that. They depend on
you just grabbing your... your receipt if you
even grab it and leaving and they know what they're
doing another thing that pisses me off is if
you do to -go orders and they have suggested
tips like they came and served you the whole
time right you know someone made it that was
getting paid whatever they negotiated their own
wage or whatever with a restaurant okay so if
they said they're making 25 an hour that's what
they're making i should have nothing to do with
that so You go there and you order everything
and then it says suggested tip 15, 20, 25%. Right.
And if it doesn't have a write -in, then I'll
write it in. I'll write it in myself. And I'll
do like five bucks. That's the most I'm going.
I don't care if it's $200 worth of food. I'm
putting five bucks on there because they didn't
do anything. They're just sitting there with
the bags. And I go in there and go, hey, I'm
so -and -so. Okay, here's your food. No, it's
bullshit. And you know what? I mean, they charge
enough for the food so they could maybe pay a
little bit more if they're worried about their
person making a living. My feeling, what do you
think? No, I totally agree with you. That is
just way too much. Yeah. Yeah. People are calling
places like this out on, thanks to social media,
you know. Oh, yeah. No, you're right. Because
of social media. Yep. Yep. Let's see. How about.
Dang it, where'd it go? Sorry, I had something
here that I wanted to go into and suddenly I
lost it. So you want to make duck noises while
I look this up? Well, I can go into another story.
Yeah, go ahead. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. I've never known
this. Huh. He was right, though. I remember everyone
getting ribbed about that. You listen to Donny
Osmond. Oh, you must. You must wear dresses.
Go ahead. Wow. That was excellent. I love that
story. Michael Jackson was 100 % correct. If
you listen to Donny Osmond, you were shunned.
You were considered soft, right? Right. Yeah.
He did not beat around the bush about it. Yeah.
Sean Cassidy was another one. If you listen to
him, you were definitely, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You
would definitely get beat up often. Yellowstone
National Park, struggling with wolves attacking
their livestock, but prohibited from harming
the protected animals, have turned to technology
and Hollywood for help in keeping the predators
away. Yahoo News reported on August 4th that
quadcopter drones equipped with speakers blurring
ACDC songs and audio from a Scarlett Johansson
movie that had been dispatched in the ongoing
fight. Per the USDA, people arguing is a distressing
sound for wolves, and so the fight scene between
Johansson and Adam Driver in the 2019 movie Marriage
Story is a perfect deterrent. The music and film
clips seem to be working since their deployment,
and the number of cows killed by wolves in southern
Oregon has fallen from 11 over a 20 -day period
to 2 over the next 85 days. So ACDC and Scarlett
Johansson are keeping cows alive. Yeah. That's
it. They're keeping cows alive. It's 9 .13. Do
you want to keep going or do you want to shut
it down? Yeah, I'm getting a little tired. I've
had a little day. Okay. Hi, Albuquerque. Hi,
Jimmy. Grandma Opal is doing okay. Who the hell
was it? Yeah, we did that last time. Yeah, Kirksville.
Hi, Kirksville. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no. It was over in New York. Hicksville. Hicksville,
New York. Yeah. Hi, Hicksville. I've got to check
and see if we're still getting downloads. Yeah,
yeah. Hi, Hicksville. Anyhow, everybody, thanks
for listening, assholes. Have a good night. Have
a good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the
show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.