WEBVTT

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Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the

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Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or

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Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's

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phones, unattended computers, public computers,

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and all of my work computers as well, and download

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the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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hereby promise to make other people listen. I,

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Joe or Jane Listener, will hereby lie to everyone

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about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener. promised to make all my family members

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listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.

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And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby

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promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,

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just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.

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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't

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stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead

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and assume we got the story wrong. At least we

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admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can

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and will lie if it makes the story better. Two

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douchebags and a microphone. I have a pet termite

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I call Clint. Wow, no shit. How strange. Yeah,

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I call it Clint Eats Wood. Once again, it's time

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for Ramblings of a Madman. I believe Congress

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needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes

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before each session. That needs to happen. Hey,

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good kid. No one gives an ounce of shit what

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you had for breakfast. Not even the person on

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the other end. You look like a mentally slow

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driv yelling into thin air all through the store.

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I pray that Bluetooth shorts you out and blows

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up your eardrums. One may consider self -centered

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dunce. Monty constantly coddled this dummy and

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it fucking shows. Go look back home and bore

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your dog. Wait, you probably forgot the theming

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because you're too busy looking in the mirror

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all day. Fuck off. Hey there, slap nuts. It's

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time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little

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pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your

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music news. In a recent interview with WZLX's

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Kenny Young, Joe Perry once again spoke about

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the possibility of Aerosmith playing one final

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concert. A year after the legendary rockers announced

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that they were officially retiring from touring

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due to singer Steven Tyler's vocal injury. Aerosmith

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made the announcement August 2nd, 2024, nearly

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one year after the 77 -year -old singer fractured

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his larynx during a September 2023 show. Perry

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said about the likelihood of another Aerosmith

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show. We're actually talking quite a bit. I know

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our touring days are over, but I don't know.

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We're all flesh and blood. I don't know, but

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I would say at some point we will all be together

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on the same stage. If I was a betting man, which

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I am, I would say at some point something's going

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to happen, but we'll see. Stay tuned. This is

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Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music news. And

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remember, bar chords are bullshit. Two douchebags

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and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas

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City area at the Stream Southern Tip at the Talk

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is Cheap studio. Got it. Got it. There we go.

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All right. Now it feels official. All right.

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I like how you're catching up. Yeah, yeah. Mitch,

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take note. Mitch, take note. Oh, I'm not really

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happy with Mitch, but we'll get to the emails

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a little bit later. But yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

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yeah. All right. Okay. All right. So I was off

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on a Saturday. That's a rarity, you know. So

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I'm shoring up things in the front yard, and

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I notice our mailbox is leaning right. So I think

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someone might have hit it with their car going

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around the corner because there's a large corner.

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We live on the corner. And people turn around

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to go on the corner, and they go a little fast.

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They don't realize it's that sharp of a curve.

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I mean, it's really sharp. So I know it had to

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have been a car hitting it because they don't

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play mailbox baseball here in the city. Remember

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mailbox baseball? Yeah, that's out in the sticks

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type of thing. Well, I remember hearing about

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it. Yeah, yeah, me too. I would never partake

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in such a thing, but I remember hearing about

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it. That would be a federal offense. Yes, yes,

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those rogues, those rogues. So all of this is

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hearsay, okay? I remember a couple of times playing,

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other people playing mailbox baseball, and it

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backfired. Remember, I just heard about this

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secondhand, okay? So, anyhow, Kirk was driving.

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Remember Kirk, Blond -Eared Kirk? Yes, yes. Remember

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his Monte Carlo that he loved? Yes. Okay, and

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there was some dude from Lewisburg named Randy.

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He had kind of, I don't know, sandy hair, and

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it was kind of almost like a mullet, but not

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quite. Do you remember him at all? He wasn't

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around that long. You may not remember him at

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all. I know. I don't think so. Okay. But, yeah,

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I definitely remember Kirk. Okay, yeah. Well,

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Randy, I think he was using the bat. So, Kirk

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swerves towards the mailbox, and Randy swings

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and misses. And the bat hits his side mirror,

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snaps back, and smashes out the back window where

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I'm at in the back passenger. So, Kirk was pissed

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and he kicked Randy out on Stateline Road, the

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gravel road edition in Cass County. So, Kirk

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had his side passenger mirror smashed all to

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hell and laying on the gravel and his back passenger

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window smashed completely out. That was a complete

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fail on that one. And I know it was on the gravel

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because he made me go out and get it. He was

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so mad. And I told Randy, I whispered to him,

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I said, hey, I go, look, I need a ride back home.

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So just between me and you, I'll come back and

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get you when he drops me off, okay? Okay, thanks,

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man. So you may remember this, you may not. I

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don't know. So let me start with this, and you

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tell me if you remember. I remember this one

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time we used to get this older couple's mailbox

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every weekend, or allegedly. They had an odd

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last name. I think it's something like... Chase

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Smith or something like that. I remember reading

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it over and over every time someone else would

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bash that mailbox in. We were relentless and

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particularly evil. We would knock their mailbox

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down around once a month, allegedly. The man

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was so sick of putting it back up or buying a

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new 5x5 post, he actually erected two large concrete

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slabs and put them in the shape of a comb protecting

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the mailbox from assholes like us. You remember

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that? The two cones? The two... No, no, no. I

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did not partake in that. I can honestly say that.

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I did not partake in that. Okay. Okay. But I

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know a lot of farmers who just get pissed and

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hate the people in their mailboxes. My grandpa

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was one of them. Oh, I'd be madder in hell if

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that happened to me. Fucking kids! What the hell?

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What's wrong with them? Don't they have something

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to do? Oh, my God. Grandpa beat that dude up.

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He went out one day and found half a wooden baseball

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bat. Seriously. I believe it. I believe it. Seriously.

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You know that dude was hurt. Oh, yeah. Old Mr.

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Chase Smith, he would have beat the shit out

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of us if he knew who did it. But he never did

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find out. So, you know, we knocked their mail

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back. mailbox down about once a month the man

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was so sick of it you know that he put up the

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two concrete slabs in the shape of a cone protecting

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the mailbox from assholes like us teens one slab

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on the north side and one slab on the south side

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so kirk was so pissed he found out when they

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were on vacation he then grabs his chainsaw out

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of the barn because you know he was a farmhand

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and he says come on guys let's have some fun

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So now this was a gravel road with no visible

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neighbors around. There might have been a house

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about a quarter mile, half mile down, but you

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couldn't even see the lights from it, okay? So

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Kirk pulls in front of the mailbox, grabs his

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chainsaw, and slices the mailbox down at the

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ground level. After that, the Chase Smiths started

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receiving their mail at the post office in Cleveland

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through a box number. They gave up at... I used

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to see them in there fucking muttering all different

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kinds of cuss words, getting his mail and doing

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that little combination. Good morning, Mr. Chase

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Smith. How are you? Meanwhile, I'm thinking,

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ha ha, I was there. I didn't do it, but I was

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there. It was funny, though. Kirk was so... He

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was so mad that they put up that, you know, that...

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concrete slab that he found out that they were

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on vacation. He fucking grabbed a chainsaw and

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had us come watch him tear it down. I mean, in

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order to put up a new one, they would have had

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to knock down both of those concrete slabs. Yeah.

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Yeah. So instead, they just started getting their

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mail at the post office in a box. So... Uh -huh.

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To piss... Yeah, that was about it. Yes, because

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he got the... Didn't he get your car... Didn't

00:11:52.240 --> 00:12:06.340
he get the car stuck? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for some

00:12:06.340 --> 00:12:08.340
reason I thought it got stuck, but I think he

00:12:08.340 --> 00:12:10.279
did for a minute and got out of it or something

00:12:10.279 --> 00:12:13.779
like that. That might have happened. Yeah. We

00:12:13.779 --> 00:12:15.919
may have gotten close. I remember him going,

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you know, the wheels, and we're all like going,

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oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, shit. I'm looking at him

00:12:23.820 --> 00:12:29.440
going, are you sure it's your family? But he

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got out. I would like to say hi to Hicksville.

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No joke. We got a download. Is that in Missouri?

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Or do you know? Where's it at? Oh, it's New York.

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It tells me it's New York. Yeah. Oh, Hicksville,

00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:17.000
New York. Hicksville, New York. I wonder what

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the origin would be. Oh, okay. Well, maybe there

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is. Hang on. Let me take a look here. I found

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New York, but I'll bet you. Okay. Missouri. Nope,

00:13:44.679 --> 00:13:47.980
it's Higginsville, not Hicksville. Okay, okay.

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Okay. I know where Higginsville is too. So I

00:13:51.740 --> 00:13:54.320
wonder how the orange in that came out, Hicksville.

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So anyhow, let's see. Oh, okay. Hicksville, New

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York is named after Valentine Hicks, the second

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president of the Long Island Railroad. He held

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the positions from 1837 to 1841 at the time Hicksville

00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:12.600
was the last stop on the newly established railroad

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line. Hang on, hang on, hang on, Rob. AI says

00:14:17.259 --> 00:14:20.519
it can also be used as an insult. Right here.

00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:24.820
All right, let's take a look. Hicksville is a

00:14:24.820 --> 00:14:27.440
slang term used to describe a small rural town,

00:14:27.620 --> 00:14:31.000
often with a connotation of being backward, provincial,

00:14:31.159 --> 00:14:34.879
and unsophisticated. It can be used in a derogatory

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way to imply a lack of modern amenities or progressive

00:14:37.659 --> 00:14:41.299
thinking. The term is derived from hick, a slang

00:14:41.299 --> 00:14:44.279
term for a country person, and vill, which is

00:14:44.279 --> 00:14:48.620
a common suffix in place names. Oh, okay. That's

00:14:48.620 --> 00:14:50.500
where I heard it. That's where I heard it. Okay,

00:14:50.679 --> 00:14:54.480
Hicksville. Yeah. Well, Hicksville, New York,

00:14:54.539 --> 00:14:58.000
if that's who it was. I'm not going to look through

00:14:58.000 --> 00:15:01.059
every state, but it says New York. Hicksville,

00:15:01.139 --> 00:15:04.059
New York, thank you. We appreciate it. And I

00:15:04.059 --> 00:15:06.179
had to look up that name because I found it a

00:15:06.179 --> 00:15:10.940
particularly odd name. So Valentine Hicks is

00:15:10.940 --> 00:15:15.019
who it's named after. We tend to do that. Yes,

00:15:15.080 --> 00:15:21.419
yes. Like Knob Lick. Yes, that's what they tell

00:15:21.419 --> 00:15:31.440
me. No. No, we have not. But I have talked to

00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:34.720
people that are from Farmington, which is right

00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:41.139
up the road. I know what to expect. I'm not going

00:15:41.139 --> 00:15:57.549
to say I know what to expect. from the images

00:15:57.549 --> 00:16:01.149
actually the day that me and the duke got together

00:16:01.149 --> 00:16:07.090
with our friends the duke uh yes uh down at uh

00:16:07.090 --> 00:16:13.029
uh shit when we yeah they get to get frankie

00:16:13.029 --> 00:16:44.039
and louis oh yeah yeah okay the bar Yeah, that's

00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:47.379
just to the north. And they come to find out

00:16:47.379 --> 00:16:51.000
our number two welder worked. Uh -huh. His hometown

00:16:51.000 --> 00:16:55.960
is Farmington. He knows how to lay. So I'm still

00:16:55.960 --> 00:16:57.980
going to make the, I'm getting the selfie people.

00:16:58.019 --> 00:17:00.000
Well, yeah, yeah, you got to get one at the sign

00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:03.080
because the way this originated is I was watching

00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:05.180
Weather Channel during that blizzard that we

00:17:05.180 --> 00:17:07.680
had. Yes. And it was naming off snow totals.

00:17:07.700 --> 00:17:12.160
And it went from Knoblick, Missouri to Knob Rub.

00:17:12.980 --> 00:17:14.960
or something like that because it's snowing there

00:17:14.960 --> 00:17:17.960
too. And then it went to Shell Knob and a couple

00:17:17.960 --> 00:17:20.099
of other ones that were real highly suggestive

00:17:20.099 --> 00:17:22.559
names. And I'm like going, there's no way they

00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:27.619
did that by accident. It was the Fox Weather

00:17:27.619 --> 00:17:30.079
Channel, I believe. And I'm sitting there reading

00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:32.240
the scroller going, oh my God, this is gold.

00:17:32.460 --> 00:17:39.019
This is gold. Yeah, it is. I'm like, oh, this

00:17:39.019 --> 00:17:41.619
is great. Someone down there threw that little

00:17:41.619 --> 00:17:44.859
Iggy out. For people like us that catch shit

00:17:44.859 --> 00:17:48.900
like that. Raise an eyebrow and go, oh, look,

00:17:49.279 --> 00:17:52.180
look, looky there. No, look, hey, what do you

00:17:52.180 --> 00:17:56.380
think? Oh, man. Yeah, because that's what we

00:17:56.380 --> 00:18:03.359
do here. We make fart jokes. So, anyhow, Smokey

00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:05.700
the Bear signs are not exempt from thieves. A

00:18:05.700 --> 00:18:08.500
Florida man traveled from Pensacola to Orlando

00:18:08.500 --> 00:18:12.319
stealing Smokey the Bear signs. Then the idiot

00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:15.480
posted them on Facebook Marketplace for $1 ,900

00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:20.460
each. Well, that's where he got stupid. Yeah,

00:18:20.460 --> 00:18:22.460
because that's how they caught him. There are

00:18:22.460 --> 00:18:26.079
actual pictures. I would just want one person.

00:18:26.259 --> 00:18:29.079
Yeah, I think that'd be cool. You know, yeah.

00:18:29.720 --> 00:18:34.740
Yeah, that would be great. Oh, Val got me a new

00:18:34.740 --> 00:18:40.130
poster. You know, the new Naked Gun movie. It

00:18:40.130 --> 00:18:42.509
has a picture of Liam Neeson pointing at you,

00:18:42.549 --> 00:18:48.410
and it goes, I want you to pull my finger. And

00:18:48.410 --> 00:18:50.390
I'm trying to figure out what I've got to move

00:18:50.390 --> 00:18:53.529
around to make it very visible. So, Eddie, that

00:18:53.529 --> 00:18:54.970
was cool. She's like, hey, I got you something.

00:18:55.069 --> 00:18:58.170
I'm like, oh, hell yeah. So, I was like, you

00:18:58.170 --> 00:19:00.730
know, a kid in a candy store on that one. But

00:19:00.730 --> 00:19:04.210
there are actual pictures online that show Smokey

00:19:04.210 --> 00:19:06.210
the Bear holding the door open for the patrol

00:19:06.210 --> 00:19:12.450
truck for the perp. I'm not kidding you. Now,

00:19:12.490 --> 00:19:14.509
I guess there's somebody that rolls around in

00:19:14.509 --> 00:19:18.670
a Smokey the Bear costume. How else would he

00:19:18.670 --> 00:19:20.970
be opening the door for this guy because he stole

00:19:20.970 --> 00:19:26.289
all the signs? Yeah. But look it up online. There's

00:19:26.289 --> 00:19:28.150
a picture of Smokey the Bear holding the door

00:19:28.150 --> 00:19:32.289
open in the Ranger truck with the guy in cuffs.

00:19:32.670 --> 00:19:38.670
I was like, hell yeah. There's more Aussie news.

00:19:39.329 --> 00:19:44.079
You ready for it? Crazy Train has entered Billboard's

00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:50.440
Hot 100 for the first time in 44 years. Mama,

00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:56.180
I'm Coming Home led all digital downloads, which

00:19:56.180 --> 00:19:58.079
is insane if you think about all the digital

00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:01.400
downloads going on now. And finally, Black Sabbath's

00:20:01.400 --> 00:20:04.160
Paranoid has entered the Hot 100 for the first

00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:09.319
time ever. Back when that was out, there probably

00:20:09.319 --> 00:20:13.140
wasn't even a Hot 100. You know, that's what,

00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:19.420
1970? There probably wasn't even a Hot 100 back

00:20:19.420 --> 00:20:22.460
then. So this is the first time ever. It's hard

00:20:22.460 --> 00:20:24.440
to believe that an iconic song like Paranoid

00:20:24.440 --> 00:20:26.700
was never in the Hot 100 if they did have one.

00:20:27.160 --> 00:20:29.900
You know, I mean, you hear that song in stadiums,

00:20:29.900 --> 00:20:32.539
advertisements. You hear it everywhere, right?

00:20:33.750 --> 00:20:37.269
paranoid has been you know it's like a almost

00:20:37.269 --> 00:20:41.230
like a national anthem for stadiums you know

00:20:41.230 --> 00:20:46.569
you hear that so and it became from like the

00:20:46.569 --> 00:20:50.170
group black sabbath to oh hey that's black sabbath

00:20:50.170 --> 00:20:53.609
paranoid you know what i mean because it used

00:20:53.609 --> 00:20:55.369
to be like you'd say black sabbath and everyone

00:20:55.369 --> 00:20:59.950
kind of stand back go oh uh oh those guys Yeah,

00:21:00.150 --> 00:21:02.089
oh my gosh, man. You're going to burn in hell

00:21:02.089 --> 00:21:05.170
just looking at their album cover. Yeah. Yeah,

00:21:05.190 --> 00:21:07.569
it's funny how they're just so mainstream now,

00:21:07.710 --> 00:21:11.930
you know. So, I have a public service announcement

00:21:11.930 --> 00:21:14.970
here. When traveling in Johnson County, be ready

00:21:14.970 --> 00:21:17.069
for all the lawyers on Harleys and Corvettes

00:21:17.069 --> 00:21:20.109
to be blaring Sabbath or Aussie for about three

00:21:20.109 --> 00:21:23.990
or four weeks now. This will be happening. We

00:21:23.990 --> 00:21:27.660
know this. So, if you see these people, feel

00:21:27.660 --> 00:21:30.319
free to give them the medal quiz. Simply ask

00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:34.099
them who did Sabbath hire to replace Dio after

00:21:34.099 --> 00:21:37.519
he left the band in 1982. If they answer anything

00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:39.900
except Ian Gillen, there are frauds and should

00:21:39.900 --> 00:21:45.359
be ridiculed on the spot. Or receive a ball smash

00:21:45.359 --> 00:21:48.099
and they are to relinquish all their Aussie material

00:21:48.099 --> 00:21:50.960
to a real headbanger in need. Right? Does that

00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:56.349
sound fair? Mandatory. They have to give up all

00:21:56.349 --> 00:21:59.049
their Aussie stuff and Sabbath stuff and give

00:21:59.049 --> 00:22:01.630
it to a headbanger that is less fortunate, right?

00:22:01.769 --> 00:22:04.950
Yes. And get smashed in the nuts. And smashed

00:22:04.950 --> 00:22:07.670
in the nuts, yes. All right. All right. We got

00:22:07.670 --> 00:22:11.769
a deal there. Pinky swear? Pinky swear. Okay.

00:22:11.789 --> 00:22:15.029
Spit shake? Remember those? Spit on your hand

00:22:15.029 --> 00:22:18.269
and shake each other's hand? Yeah. Spit shake.

00:22:18.329 --> 00:22:24.289
Come on. All right. Thanks, Rob. okay all right

00:22:24.289 --> 00:22:27.509
yeah i'll just wipe them on my i'll just wipe

00:22:27.509 --> 00:22:33.650
them on my pajamas who cares all right oh that's

00:22:33.650 --> 00:22:36.910
what it smells like all right thanks okay um

00:22:36.910 --> 00:22:39.509
i just took a drink of gatorade zero so mine

00:22:39.509 --> 00:22:41.950
doesn't smell that bad either so all right we're

00:22:41.950 --> 00:22:51.650
good yes yes all right man Just a couple of more

00:22:51.650 --> 00:22:56.150
Ozzy notes. Does AI realize Ozzy Pass? My playlists

00:22:56.150 --> 00:23:00.069
on music services and my rocker friends' playlists

00:23:00.069 --> 00:23:02.769
all have noticed a huge increase in the volume

00:23:02.769 --> 00:23:05.890
of material with Ozzy on it. But I think what

00:23:05.890 --> 00:23:08.509
it is is algorithms. I think algorithms realize

00:23:08.509 --> 00:23:11.029
that everybody's talking about Ozzy and Sabbath.

00:23:11.529 --> 00:23:14.309
And I think that's what happens. So that's how

00:23:14.309 --> 00:23:17.410
come my Spotify, my other music services, they

00:23:17.410 --> 00:23:20.500
used to play like maybe... in oz your sabbath

00:23:20.500 --> 00:23:24.200
song twice in an hour now they play it like 10

00:23:24.200 --> 00:23:27.619
times an hour which is fine with me because they

00:23:27.619 --> 00:23:29.900
pick out some good stuff i mean they even picked

00:23:29.900 --> 00:23:32.579
they picked out some good dio stuff too on the

00:23:32.579 --> 00:23:38.599
way home i heard country girl yeah yeah side

00:23:38.599 --> 00:23:41.680
two mob rules a very very good song very underrated

00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:45.920
song so yes So while we're talking about music,

00:23:46.099 --> 00:23:48.240
Nuno Betancourt has become one of my favorite

00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:51.519
guitarists ever. One of the stars of Back to

00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.359
the Beginning. Covered three Ozzy songs in concert

00:23:54.359 --> 00:23:59.359
with Extreme the other day. The only one I can

00:23:59.359 --> 00:24:02.079
find is I Don't Know, and man, Nuno nails it.

00:24:02.140 --> 00:24:04.839
He hasn't known these songs very long. He actually

00:24:04.839 --> 00:24:07.400
learned all the songs in the back of a limo.

00:24:07.400 --> 00:24:09.819
There's footage of him doing it in the back of

00:24:09.819 --> 00:24:13.720
a limo on the way to Back to the Beginning. and

00:24:13.720 --> 00:24:15.960
he's sitting there you know yeah he's sitting

00:24:15.960 --> 00:24:17.940
there like listening and then going trying to

00:24:17.940 --> 00:24:20.859
follow jake and trying to follow randy and he's

00:24:20.859 --> 00:24:22.519
doing it really good but then he messed up and

00:24:22.519 --> 00:24:24.220
oh shit and then he'd do it again and he'd do

00:24:24.220 --> 00:24:27.099
it perfect it's like man that guy he i'll tell

00:24:27.099 --> 00:24:35.400
you what he is not eddie van halen um hey hang

00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:38.420
on one second here um all right i had a slight

00:24:38.420 --> 00:24:41.240
interruption there um I think Val's phone was

00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:43.180
charging, and she had used my phone to take some

00:24:43.180 --> 00:24:45.819
sort of a picture, probably of an animal. Oh,

00:24:45.940 --> 00:24:52.359
it might be sunset. I don't know. I can't tell.

00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:55.039
Okay. Well, anyhow, she had used my phone for

00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:57.799
a minute, and Rob got to go on a little trip.

00:24:58.259 --> 00:25:02.140
So how was your trip, Rob? Oh, it was great.

00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:07.059
Oh, good. It was great. Okay, good, good. I think

00:25:07.059 --> 00:25:09.359
you took some sunset pictures. That's what I

00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:12.380
think happened. I didn't ask her. So anyhow,

00:25:12.500 --> 00:25:16.599
I would call Nuno Betancourt almost an Eddie

00:25:16.599 --> 00:25:20.079
Van Halen. You know, him and Eddie Van Halen

00:25:20.079 --> 00:25:24.559
were great friends, and Eddie sent him some material

00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:28.319
that was unreleased, and he wanted Nuno. Nuno

00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:31.599
was talking about this about a year ago or so.

00:25:32.619 --> 00:25:35.539
He said that Eddie sent him some of his unfinished

00:25:35.539 --> 00:25:38.819
stuff before he passed away. And Eddie knew he

00:25:38.819 --> 00:25:42.140
was passing away. He had cancer and it was advanced.

00:25:42.619 --> 00:25:44.819
So he sent it to him and he goes, you know, he

00:25:44.819 --> 00:25:46.900
goes, Nuno, I want to know what you think of

00:25:46.900 --> 00:25:51.500
this. And Nuno was like, oh, I think it's fantastic,

00:25:51.759 --> 00:25:54.579
which he did. But that's how much Eddie Van Halen

00:25:54.579 --> 00:25:57.319
thought of him was sending music to him to have

00:25:57.319 --> 00:26:00.640
him listen and examine it and get his input.

00:26:01.679 --> 00:26:06.059
So I'm telling you, Nuno is so good. And also,

00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:09.779
another thing is, Nuno is so multi -structured

00:26:09.779 --> 00:26:13.000
as a musician. He also does funk really well,

00:26:13.000 --> 00:26:16.259
too. Not just the extreme song, Get the Funk

00:26:16.259 --> 00:26:19.460
Out, but he does a lot of other funk music, too.

00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:23.339
He does a Kiss cover of Strutter that is real

00:26:23.339 --> 00:26:25.759
funky. I mean, it is just... Oh, God, I'm going

00:26:25.759 --> 00:26:27.819
to have to listen to that. Yeah, check it out.

00:26:28.659 --> 00:26:31.859
It's Extreme doing Strutter, but his guitar is

00:26:31.859 --> 00:26:37.720
the star of the show. It's crazy good. Hang on,

00:26:37.740 --> 00:26:39.480
hang on. Let me see if I can get it here real

00:26:39.480 --> 00:26:45.400
quick. You got a minute, Rob? Yeah, I got it.

00:26:46.460 --> 00:26:55.799
Okay. All right, Extreme Strutter. All right,

00:26:55.799 --> 00:27:16.519
there it is. There it is. It's off the... I know

00:27:16.519 --> 00:27:24.900
a thing or two about her. This shit's good. Yeah,

00:27:24.920 --> 00:27:28.640
listen. Fucking balls, man. Fucking balls, right?

00:27:29.150 --> 00:27:35.049
Hell yeah. Let's see. And also, sad note, finally,

00:27:35.130 --> 00:27:37.970
Ozzy's official cause of death was a heart attack.

00:27:38.190 --> 00:27:42.930
He had coronary artery disease. And the heart

00:27:42.930 --> 00:27:47.950
attack may have been helped by Parkinson's disease.

00:27:48.609 --> 00:27:51.769
And also, it could have been aided also because

00:27:51.769 --> 00:27:54.450
of how hard he pushed himself to do the Back

00:27:54.450 --> 00:27:59.079
to the Beginning concert. But, you know, this

00:27:59.079 --> 00:28:02.039
is what he wanted to do. He wasn't having a very

00:28:02.039 --> 00:28:07.099
quality of life anyhow. So, you know, and also

00:28:07.099 --> 00:28:09.420
when I read that the EMTs worked on it for quite

00:28:09.420 --> 00:28:11.980
a while, I'm like, well, he didn't die from Parkinson's

00:28:11.980 --> 00:28:15.960
because that's not what you do at Parkinson's.

00:28:15.960 --> 00:28:17.779
That's not what you do. You don't, you don't

00:28:17.779 --> 00:28:19.420
try to revive them. They're fucked. You know,

00:28:19.420 --> 00:28:22.180
their whole body's just ravaged by that horrible

00:28:22.180 --> 00:28:25.440
disease. So I knew something like that happened,

00:28:25.559 --> 00:28:28.470
but they worked on it for a lengthy time. And

00:28:28.470 --> 00:28:31.029
they finally had to call it and, you know, and

00:28:31.029 --> 00:28:34.890
say, you know, the Prince of Darkness is gone

00:28:34.890 --> 00:28:39.849
from this earth. So, and also I read an interview

00:28:39.849 --> 00:28:42.329
and I think this is true. It came from some really

00:28:42.329 --> 00:28:45.930
good sources. Ozzy was a born again Christian.

00:28:46.009 --> 00:28:49.289
He let Christ into his life. Pat Boone was his

00:28:49.289 --> 00:28:52.210
neighbor for years. And Pat Boone is the one

00:28:52.210 --> 00:28:58.200
that talked to him about Jesus. That's fantastic.

00:29:00.220 --> 00:29:03.579
Yeah. So he got all the debauchery in and still

00:29:03.579 --> 00:29:06.579
going to heaven. Isn't that great? Hell yeah.

00:29:06.779 --> 00:29:10.339
That's what Ozzy does. Hell yeah. Okay, so what

00:29:10.339 --> 00:29:14.380
do you think of that extreme cover? I love it.

00:29:14.500 --> 00:29:18.880
I love it. I might have to listen to it. That

00:29:18.880 --> 00:29:22.500
thing kicked multiple forms of ass. It kicked

00:29:22.500 --> 00:29:25.960
fat asses. It kicked skinny asses. It kicked

00:29:25.960 --> 00:29:29.279
medium asses. It kicked sweaty asses. It kicked

00:29:29.279 --> 00:29:33.180
everything, right? Hairy asses, even. Yeah, hairy

00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:35.819
asses, too. That's right. All right, Rob, we

00:29:35.819 --> 00:29:38.819
turn this whole shit show to you. All right.

00:29:39.039 --> 00:29:42.180
Are you sure you really want to do that? No,

00:29:42.200 --> 00:29:49.420
but I could go on. I've got ten pages. Listen

00:29:49.420 --> 00:29:53.019
to this. I've got 10 pages of shit. I could go

00:29:53.019 --> 00:29:58.279
on all night. I love that response. Well, it's

00:29:58.279 --> 00:30:00.259
just a sure fact that you brought up, are you

00:30:00.259 --> 00:30:04.880
sure I want to do this? That tells me a lot right

00:30:04.880 --> 00:30:13.039
there. All right, Rob. Okay. Blast off. Blast

00:30:13.039 --> 00:30:32.599
off. I love iced tea. During a chat with Real92

00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:36.980
.3LA, you've shared his thoughts on the strange

00:30:36.980 --> 00:30:40.619
rise in dildos being tossed onto the court during

00:30:40.619 --> 00:30:46.400
recent WNBA games. Oh, I saw a cool meme. Please

00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:50.220
forgive me for interrupting. But I saw a really

00:30:50.220 --> 00:30:53.500
cool meme. Picture Howard Stern at a WNBA game,

00:30:53.619 --> 00:30:56.509
and it said, oh. Another dildo's been spotted

00:30:56.509 --> 00:31:06.970
at a game. Oh, the cancelled Howard Stern. Bitch.

00:31:07.250 --> 00:32:09.130
Alright, go ahead. He's going to box some ears.

00:32:09.690 --> 00:32:11.829
He's going to box some ears, it sounds like.

00:32:13.670 --> 00:32:48.950
He's got some goons waiting. Wow, okay. I mean,

00:32:49.049 --> 00:32:54.490
okay, he has a right to his opinion. I mean,

00:32:54.549 --> 00:32:58.789
worse things have happened. Right. I mean, stuff

00:32:58.789 --> 00:33:00.869
happens all the time. We have streakers and stuff

00:33:00.869 --> 00:33:03.509
like that. I understand it upsets him, but, you

00:33:03.509 --> 00:33:06.890
know, okay. He has a right to his opinion. They're

00:33:06.890 --> 00:33:10.369
actually throwing objects on the court. They

00:33:10.369 --> 00:33:12.890
could hit one. Well, that's different there.

00:33:13.329 --> 00:33:30.029
Yeah, I see. No good. At least they're catching

00:33:30.029 --> 00:33:37.450
them now. Yeah. Cool. Is that it? Yeah, that's

00:33:37.450 --> 00:33:40.089
it. I'm out. All right. We are going to return

00:33:40.089 --> 00:33:42.349
with some emails. And like I said, I'm not real

00:33:42.349 --> 00:33:44.170
happy with Mitch, but we'll get to that here

00:33:44.170 --> 00:33:46.849
in a minute. But until then... I feel like I'm

00:33:46.849 --> 00:33:52.430
all alone. Yep. All right. We will be right fucking

00:33:52.430 --> 00:34:03.539
back. Bitches. I just made a belt out of all

00:34:03.539 --> 00:34:06.940
my old watches. Wow, that's unique. Yeah, it

00:34:06.940 --> 00:34:10.320
was a waste of time. Oh, my. Would you look at

00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:13.619
the rightly scattering? It sure is brilliant

00:34:13.619 --> 00:34:17.500
tonight. First off, you're on private property.

00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:21.980
Second, you're in my flower garden. Third, if

00:34:21.980 --> 00:34:25.000
you're talking about the sunset, yes, it is stunning.

00:34:25.199 --> 00:34:28.579
And finally, would you get the hell off my property,

00:34:28.659 --> 00:34:34.199
you annoying fucking bastard? And now, Deep Thoughts

00:34:34.199 --> 00:34:42.559
with Mark. So, if I have a glass of ice water,

00:34:42.760 --> 00:34:48.460
and the ice melts into the water, is my water

00:34:48.460 --> 00:35:00.360
then watered down? Hmm. I may never know. This

00:35:00.360 --> 00:35:02.679
is Joshua Belmont, your food for thought man

00:35:02.679 --> 00:35:05.659
on the hustle. So I just realized a genius that

00:35:05.659 --> 00:35:08.360
gets absolutely no credit. His name is Marshall

00:35:08.360 --> 00:35:11.039
Taylor. He is credited with the first bag of

00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:13.940
salad mix that was bagged and sold. Yesterday

00:35:13.940 --> 00:35:17.320
was his birthday. I believe he is still alive.

00:35:17.800 --> 00:35:20.380
This guy's genius will never be fully appreciated.

00:35:20.820 --> 00:35:23.659
Before this man, we settled for iceberg lettuce

00:35:23.659 --> 00:35:25.800
with maybe a couple of croutons and some cheese.

00:35:26.360 --> 00:35:29.340
Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with that? Hell no.

00:35:29.849 --> 00:35:31.949
He realized that Billy Americana would never

00:35:31.949 --> 00:35:34.050
go out and buy a couple of radishes, a couple

00:35:34.050 --> 00:35:36.769
of carrots, a head of purple cabbage, maybe snow

00:35:36.769 --> 00:35:39.070
peas, and possibly some cute romaine bladders

00:35:39.070 --> 00:35:42.809
for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should have

00:35:42.809 --> 00:35:47.690
a national holiday. Our constant pursuit for

00:35:47.690 --> 00:35:51.030
a real knee slapper, it's strange insults from

00:35:51.030 --> 00:35:55.510
an alien. Real hilarity. Hey, you forever feel

00:35:55.510 --> 00:35:57.690
yourself vibrating, and the pocket is not even

00:35:57.690 --> 00:36:06.139
in it. Not the mad shitter. So you want proof

00:36:06.139 --> 00:36:08.579
that we love you here at QD Spades and Microphone

00:36:08.579 --> 00:36:11.340
Central? Here's a proof right here. How about

00:36:11.340 --> 00:36:14.780
the drink of the week? Hey, my party pilgrims.

00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:18.199
How about Norwegian's famous pineapple coconut

00:36:18.199 --> 00:36:21.179
mojito? One and a quarter ounce Bacardi coconut

00:36:21.179 --> 00:36:24.280
rum. One ounce pineapple puree. Three pieces

00:36:24.280 --> 00:36:27.059
of lime wedges. Six pieces of mint leaves. And

00:36:27.059 --> 00:36:30.039
one half ounce of simple syrup. You garnish ginger

00:36:30.039 --> 00:36:33.210
candy on a pick. orange wilt, and a mint sprig.

00:36:34.030 --> 00:36:37.670
Take a 12 -ounce glass, shake all ingredients

00:36:37.670 --> 00:36:41.090
together, and strain over fresh ice and top with

00:36:41.090 --> 00:36:44.570
soda. How about a splash of 7 -Up Sprite or ginger

00:36:44.570 --> 00:36:48.769
ale just for a little extra pizzazz? Have you

00:36:48.769 --> 00:36:50.750
ever wondered what something came about? Have

00:36:50.750 --> 00:36:52.929
you ever looked at something and said, I wonder

00:36:52.929 --> 00:36:55.889
what the origin of that is? Well, so have we.

00:36:56.409 --> 00:36:59.909
That's why we give you... The origin of. The

00:36:59.909 --> 00:37:02.630
origin of the middle finger. The origin of the

00:37:02.630 --> 00:37:05.150
middle finger gesture is an insult, is debated,

00:37:05.369 --> 00:37:07.989
but it's widely believed to have roots in ancient

00:37:07.989 --> 00:37:10.550
Greece and Rome, specifically a sling to phallic

00:37:10.550 --> 00:37:13.550
symbolism and used as a way to express insults,

00:37:13.550 --> 00:37:15.849
taunt, or even moored off people. The specific

00:37:15.849 --> 00:37:18.409
origins are unclear. The middle finger has been

00:37:18.409 --> 00:37:20.750
documented as a gesture of disrespected anger

00:37:20.750 --> 00:37:25.250
for over two millennia. Two douchebags and microphone

00:37:25.250 --> 00:37:28.760
in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer

00:37:28.760 --> 00:37:35.739
you first world problems. Damn it. The city services

00:37:35.739 --> 00:37:40.039
website is down again. I can't believe this.

00:37:40.099 --> 00:37:42.199
I'm going to have to actually call and talk to

00:37:42.199 --> 00:37:46.239
someone to pay my damn trash bill. This is ridiculous.

00:37:48.039 --> 00:37:50.960
Somewhere in the heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude

00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:54.000
is crying because her little Bebo is listening

00:37:54.000 --> 00:38:02.840
to this film. Sir, I see your qualifications

00:38:02.840 --> 00:38:05.719
here. May I ask some further questions that could

00:38:05.719 --> 00:38:07.539
help me determine your employment eligibility?

00:38:08.340 --> 00:38:11.539
Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you can see here,

00:38:11.619 --> 00:38:13.679
we have a large population of different ethnic

00:38:13.679 --> 00:38:18.119
backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are you by

00:38:18.119 --> 00:38:21.380
chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure why

00:38:21.380 --> 00:38:23.639
you need that kind of information, but, well,

00:38:23.719 --> 00:38:27.119
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered

00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:35.460
it experimental. So let me make sure I have this

00:38:35.460 --> 00:38:37.780
correct. All the waiting for Epstein client list.

00:38:38.059 --> 00:38:41.239
All the promises of justice. All the huge names

00:38:41.239 --> 00:38:43.440
that were all over his private island. Suddenly,

00:38:43.460 --> 00:38:46.019
there's no client list? It's a well -known fact.

00:38:46.139 --> 00:38:49.449
Epstein kept a list of clients. So Ghislaine

00:38:49.449 --> 00:38:51.690
Maxwell is rotting in prison and has no memory

00:38:51.690 --> 00:38:54.090
of any of her visitors when she was one of the

00:38:54.090 --> 00:38:56.550
hosts? You mean to tell me she cannot spit out

00:38:56.550 --> 00:38:59.349
a few names? They barter with every other criminal.

00:38:59.469 --> 00:39:03.369
Why not her? I'll tell you why. Because power

00:39:03.369 --> 00:39:06.670
protects power. That's why. This bullshit dog

00:39:06.670 --> 00:39:10.170
and pony show will only go so far. Promises and

00:39:10.170 --> 00:39:12.909
convictions turn to dust. I'll even go one step

00:39:12.909 --> 00:39:16.469
further. Jeffrey Epstein is still alive. His

00:39:16.469 --> 00:39:19.219
death was faked. His friends made sure of this.

00:39:19.780 --> 00:39:21.880
The next time you think justice will be served

00:39:21.880 --> 00:39:24.380
will be a cold day in hell. Or just wait until

00:39:24.380 --> 00:39:26.760
those perverts do kick off. Then ask them the

00:39:26.760 --> 00:39:38.500
temperature in hell. We are Two Douchebags and

00:39:38.500 --> 00:39:40.760
Microphone. I'm Mark Portion of it here in the

00:39:40.760 --> 00:39:42.980
Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap studio.

00:39:56.789 --> 00:39:59.150
Oh, that's fine. It's been a long weekend, man.

00:39:59.230 --> 00:40:03.409
It's been a long weekend. I understand. I'm leaving

00:40:03.409 --> 00:40:06.329
it right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40:06.889 --> 00:40:12.050
Rob was busy all weekend. Can we say that? I

00:40:12.050 --> 00:40:16.849
went out of town this weekend. Okay. And just

00:40:16.849 --> 00:40:26.969
got back about four. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah.

00:40:27.269 --> 00:40:32.630
Yep. All right. Rob, we need you here for our

00:40:32.630 --> 00:40:39.389
annual Rob Fest. Mark is not invited. Rob, you

00:40:39.389 --> 00:40:42.429
are the honoree, so we are giving you a three

00:40:42.429 --> 00:40:46.710
-day indoor plumbing pass. Only a short... Yeah.

00:40:47.750 --> 00:40:52.269
Only a short half -hour walk to town. So if you've

00:40:52.269 --> 00:40:53.869
got to use indoor plumbing, you've got to walk

00:40:53.869 --> 00:40:59.539
to downtown. That is king status. Yes. I'm not

00:40:59.539 --> 00:41:03.400
invited, though. So, you know, this is one out

00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:07.679
of... I can see why you're upset. Yes. I wanted

00:41:07.679 --> 00:41:09.719
to go to RobFest really bad. I thought it was

00:41:09.719 --> 00:41:11.559
fitting because, you know, you're my other on

00:41:11.559 --> 00:41:16.199
this podcast. What the hell? Yeah. This is what...

00:41:16.199 --> 00:41:19.579
I know. They're pretty much giving me the finger

00:41:19.579 --> 00:41:22.159
right in my face. And they're going, what are

00:41:22.159 --> 00:41:23.760
you going to do about it? And I'm going to go,

00:41:23.820 --> 00:41:25.659
well, I guess I'm not going to go to Rob Fest.

00:41:26.179 --> 00:41:30.679
So this is one out of only four passes. All our

00:41:30.679 --> 00:41:33.039
guests are welcome to our clean wooden outhouses.

00:41:35.039 --> 00:41:38.039
Be sure to use them early. We can ensure corn

00:41:38.039 --> 00:41:44.639
cobs for everyone. As a gentle reminder, please

00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:49.000
do not drop your phone in the shit pit. It always

00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:54.800
ends badly. We also confiscated old Sparky from

00:41:54.800 --> 00:42:02.000
Cass Midway's trophy case. This will be... Yes,

00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:07.739
I know, I know. Old Sparky would remember me.

00:42:08.320 --> 00:42:11.280
He'd look at my ass and go, uh -huh, yep, uh

00:42:11.280 --> 00:42:16.239
-huh. So, it will be administered as needed.

00:42:16.519 --> 00:42:20.519
I'm sure the large crowd would be on good behavior,

00:42:20.639 --> 00:42:23.869
though. Rob, be sure and arrive a couple hours

00:42:23.869 --> 00:42:26.710
early. We need to fit you for the dunk tank seat.

00:42:27.269 --> 00:42:33.610
You'll love it. It's going to be hot out. I need

00:42:33.610 --> 00:42:38.030
to get... I need to get... I'm making carp coleslaw

00:42:38.030 --> 00:42:43.190
just for you, Rob. Mitch, president of the Rob

00:42:43.190 --> 00:42:48.030
Rad fan club and Fuckhammers manager. P .S. Okay,

00:42:48.050 --> 00:42:51.570
answer one. Okay, go ahead. P .S. Fuck... Fuckhammer

00:42:51.570 --> 00:42:53.750
will not be there because they're in Europe touring

00:42:53.750 --> 00:42:56.610
to support their new masterpiece, Bloody Rim

00:42:56.610 --> 00:43:00.469
Jobs. Only available in 8 -track tapes. Rob,

00:43:00.570 --> 00:43:08.090
go ahead. Bloody Rim Jobs. What the hell? Mitch,

00:43:08.230 --> 00:43:12.710
you're demented. Rob, what were you going to

00:43:12.710 --> 00:43:22.989
say? Get this back on track. So, Fuckhammer has

00:43:22.989 --> 00:43:25.309
a new album that you can only get on 8 -track

00:43:25.309 --> 00:43:37.670
called Bloody Rim Jobs. Okay, next. Oh, sorry.

00:43:41.530 --> 00:43:50.440
Let's see. Plum and Passes. Mitch, president

00:43:50.440 --> 00:43:52.800
of the Rob Rad Fan Club and Fuckhammer's manager.

00:43:53.059 --> 00:43:57.420
I don't know. Oh, the dunk tank. Yeah, that's

00:43:57.420 --> 00:44:02.800
a... Oh, I know what it was. Okay. I am not worried

00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:30.320
about the dunk tank one bit. Okay. You're not

00:44:30.320 --> 00:44:33.039
going to be in the water. I'm not worried about

00:44:33.039 --> 00:44:34.920
your dunk tank. Rob, you're going to have to

00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:36.780
dunk yourself because it's going to be hot that

00:44:36.780 --> 00:44:42.880
day, they say. Yeah, I know. I know. So, anyhow.

00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:48.920
That is no joke. We beat Caspin with a 33. I

00:44:48.920 --> 00:44:51.079
believe it. We were good at football, and that's

00:44:51.079 --> 00:44:53.800
it. We were good at nothing else. No, no. The

00:44:53.800 --> 00:44:56.119
baseball team was not but a bunch of midgets.

00:44:56.679 --> 00:44:59.260
I believe that. I'm telling you, we were really

00:44:59.260 --> 00:45:03.280
good at football. They were short, man. Everybody

00:45:03.280 --> 00:45:07.400
beat the hell out of them. On the field, of course.

00:45:09.820 --> 00:45:15.920
That doesn't surprise me. Mark, I love that you

00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:18.360
put in some old segments from the first year

00:45:18.360 --> 00:45:21.980
of your podcast. I would love to hear more. How

00:45:21.980 --> 00:45:24.900
about the mad shitter? Thank you. Robert in Dallas.

00:45:25.199 --> 00:45:27.400
Robert in Dallas used to email us quite a bit.

00:45:27.900 --> 00:45:31.460
And he was around for the first year. Even when

00:45:31.460 --> 00:45:34.539
we was giving out bullshit email addresses, he

00:45:34.539 --> 00:45:36.940
was trying to email him. He told me, well, we're

00:45:36.940 --> 00:45:41.860
giving like Yahoo, or not Yahoo, Excite, Mindspring,

00:45:41.940 --> 00:45:45.639
and all the ones that don't exist anymore. We're

00:45:45.639 --> 00:45:50.039
giving out all these Douchebag Central and Mindspring

00:45:50.039 --> 00:45:56.050
.com, you know, and all this stuff. Anyhow, he's

00:45:56.050 --> 00:45:58.530
been emailing a long time, and yeah, I'll put

00:45:58.530 --> 00:46:00.250
in the Mad Shitter. I got it somewhere. I'll

00:46:00.250 --> 00:46:04.489
find it. So, why not, right? Yep. It's been a

00:46:04.489 --> 00:46:06.110
while since everyone's heard that, you know,

00:46:06.110 --> 00:46:08.130
and then new people can hear it, too. So, yep.

00:46:08.210 --> 00:46:10.710
I am the Mad Shitter in Clinton, Missouri, and

00:46:10.710 --> 00:46:12.690
it will be explained on this podcast at some

00:46:12.690 --> 00:46:16.469
point. Yeah, that way, for those that have not

00:46:16.469 --> 00:46:19.070
heard, will understand because we talk about

00:46:19.070 --> 00:46:22.530
it so much. Yeah, yeah, like Babble Snatch. Babble

00:46:22.530 --> 00:46:27.619
Snatch came... It came from somewhere. So, yeah,

00:46:27.800 --> 00:46:29.900
yeah. I'm going to start putting in old segments

00:46:29.900 --> 00:46:31.719
here and there because I'm going to start getting

00:46:31.719 --> 00:46:35.420
more from Topher because those episodes are lost.

00:46:35.639 --> 00:46:39.739
I mean, Topher has them, but they're not anywhere

00:46:39.739 --> 00:46:44.000
online because RSS, we didn't know this, RSS

00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:48.659
only handles so many. And then that's it. They

00:46:48.659 --> 00:46:53.269
start cutting off from the first. Yeah, what

00:46:53.269 --> 00:46:57.690
I'm attempting to do is taking bits of them and

00:46:57.690 --> 00:47:01.750
putting them into current shows so people can

00:47:01.750 --> 00:47:06.989
get the old flavor and then this. So, yeah. Robert,

00:47:07.389 --> 00:47:09.889
thank you. Keep emailing us, man. I hadn't heard

00:47:09.889 --> 00:47:11.429
from you in a while. I'm glad you're still around.

00:47:11.530 --> 00:47:16.699
Thank you. Next one. I looked for the food dude

00:47:16.699 --> 00:47:19.239
too. I can't find yours, but some other account

00:47:19.239 --> 00:47:22.079
pops up. Just thought I'd let you know. Andy

00:47:22.079 --> 00:47:25.119
in Rockport. I know. I don't know who this foodie

00:47:25.119 --> 00:47:27.619
doody is or something like that. I have no fucking

00:47:27.619 --> 00:47:30.599
idea who he is, but it's not me. It's not my

00:47:30.599 --> 00:47:33.239
stuff. No, that guy's an idiot in my opinion.

00:47:34.179 --> 00:47:40.409
So, no. It's lost. I can't find it. I mean, I

00:47:40.409 --> 00:47:43.570
started it and had it. I had two accounts. I

00:47:43.570 --> 00:47:46.250
had my personal and I had the food dude. So when

00:47:46.250 --> 00:47:49.090
I go out of town for work or even vacation, sometimes

00:47:49.090 --> 00:47:53.550
I would go to coffee shops and I rate their bagels

00:47:53.550 --> 00:47:56.889
and coffee. And so I have all the transcripts.

00:47:56.889 --> 00:47:58.829
So all I can do is if anyone has any questions

00:47:58.829 --> 00:48:01.320
about anywhere I've been. Shit, I have like,

00:48:01.400 --> 00:48:03.539
I don't know, 40 of them. I traveled so much.

00:48:03.900 --> 00:48:08.000
So I have like 40 of them. And I have all the

00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:11.000
transcripts in a notebook. So if you need to

00:48:11.000 --> 00:48:13.260
know something, ask me. If you remember it and,

00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:17.219
you know, I can't get it anymore. But, you know,

00:48:17.219 --> 00:48:19.780
I can't get it on the Instagram account. But

00:48:19.780 --> 00:48:25.519
I have the transcripts. Andy, thank you. You

00:48:25.519 --> 00:48:27.500
guys have pictures of the Talk is Cheap and Duck

00:48:27.500 --> 00:48:29.840
Blind Studios. I hear so much about them. Would

00:48:29.840 --> 00:48:32.579
love to actually see them. Teresa in Wayne, Nebraska.

00:48:33.019 --> 00:48:35.300
Oh, I've been to Wayne, Nebraska. That's up near

00:48:35.300 --> 00:48:40.099
Sioux City, Iowa, I think so. It's way up there.

00:48:41.679 --> 00:48:44.880
Yeah, we have, what is it, two douchebags and

00:48:44.880 --> 00:48:49.800
microphone Facebook page? Yes, yes. Duck Blind

00:48:49.800 --> 00:48:57.199
Studio is still under construction. Teresa, give

00:48:57.199 --> 00:48:59.539
us a little bit. Give us, I don't know, a couple

00:48:59.539 --> 00:49:02.699
months. My studio's pretty good, but I've got

00:49:02.699 --> 00:49:05.039
to rearrange it for a couple of new things. And

00:49:05.039 --> 00:49:08.159
when I have it complete to where I want, I will

00:49:08.159 --> 00:49:13.760
put pictures up at the Two Douchebags and a Microphone

00:49:13.760 --> 00:49:18.199
Facebook page. And he does have pictures on there

00:49:18.199 --> 00:49:33.340
already. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so there you go, Teresa.

00:49:34.900 --> 00:49:40.139
All right, and finally, hey, douches, I'm not

00:49:40.139 --> 00:49:42.179
getting political, but what would you consider

00:49:42.179 --> 00:49:45.380
a fair tax rate for middle -class America? Ronnie

00:49:45.380 --> 00:49:52.260
in Tulsa, the Tulsa King. 20%. What do you think?

00:49:58.760 --> 00:50:02.980
15%. Yeah. Okay. Actually, I'm going to go with

00:50:02.980 --> 00:50:05.219
15, too. Fuck them. They don't deserve our 20.

00:50:05.699 --> 00:50:11.320
Yeah, yeah. We need that extra five. Yep. Ronnie,

00:50:11.400 --> 00:50:14.159
glad you're doing well. My understanding is you're

00:50:14.159 --> 00:50:16.260
moved to Atlanta, but you're still Ronnie in

00:50:16.260 --> 00:50:21.360
Tulsa. So, thank you very much. Tulsa King. Rob,

00:50:21.480 --> 00:50:23.480
we turn this whole thing over to you. Here's

00:50:23.480 --> 00:51:11.070
the keys. Oh boy. Oh no, it goes off. Okay. Right

00:51:11.070 --> 00:51:14.090
now it just seems they are very adaptable and

00:51:14.090 --> 00:51:17.449
that includes moving their nests where they're

00:51:17.449 --> 00:52:20.079
underground. Oh. Wow. Frankenants? Is that what

00:52:20.079 --> 00:52:24.219
they call it now? Frankenants? Frankenstein.

00:52:24.880 --> 00:54:03.460
Frankenstein ants. Wow. Wow. Mm -hmm. Those sound

00:54:03.460 --> 00:54:09.079
horrible. Yeah, they go from Appalachians. Wow.

00:54:10.960 --> 00:54:15.099
Frankenstein ants. Yes. All right. Thank you,

00:54:15.099 --> 00:54:19.840
Rob. And they're hybrid, is what they are. Yeah,

00:54:19.840 --> 00:54:24.699
like Blackfire ants and Redfire ants started

00:54:24.699 --> 00:54:27.239
banging, and this is what their offspring is.

00:54:28.219 --> 00:54:32.860
So, okay. They're kind of like a... A puggle,

00:54:33.000 --> 00:54:36.139
right? A poodle and a pug or, you know. Yeah.

00:54:36.480 --> 00:54:43.920
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or a pit zoo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:54:43.960 --> 00:54:47.780
Yeah. Yeah. That's what they are. So they're

00:54:47.780 --> 00:54:50.420
designer ants, just like designer dogs, right?

00:54:50.539 --> 00:54:52.820
Yeah. There you go. There's good spin on it.

00:54:53.559 --> 00:54:56.159
All right. We're going to take our second break,

00:54:56.199 --> 00:54:58.099
and we're going to come right back. And you know

00:54:58.099 --> 00:55:01.099
what? Damn it, I lost that extreme YouTube song.

00:55:01.219 --> 00:55:03.179
Oh, no, I didn't. Hang on. Okay. Here we go.

00:55:03.219 --> 00:55:06.739
All right. Everybody, we'll be back here in just

00:55:06.739 --> 00:55:10.420
a little bit. But until then, enjoy this song

00:55:10.420 --> 00:55:12.239
because it kicks ass. But you know what? I can't

00:55:12.239 --> 00:55:14.260
play too much of it because of the copyright

00:55:14.260 --> 00:55:22.989
violation. So anyhow, we'll be back. Ms. Gulkenstein

00:55:22.989 --> 00:55:25.030
was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of

00:55:25.030 --> 00:55:27.929
her. Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein

00:55:27.929 --> 00:55:30.630
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.

00:55:31.190 --> 00:55:35.070
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing

00:55:35.070 --> 00:55:39.750
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to

00:55:39.750 --> 00:55:41.730
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.

00:55:42.090 --> 00:55:45.909
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin

00:55:45.909 --> 00:55:51.800
monkey. Shh, be very quiet. gonna listen in as

00:55:51.800 --> 00:55:54.199
rob the capuchin monkey tries to sell the rest

00:55:54.199 --> 00:55:57.099
of the capuchin monkeys amway rob has always

00:55:57.099 --> 00:56:00.440
dreamed of becoming a diamond status amway as

00:56:00.440 --> 00:56:23.730
a capuchin monkey Little did our hero Rob know.

00:56:24.349 --> 00:56:27.110
All the great apes owned stock in Sam's Club

00:56:27.110 --> 00:56:29.309
and became violently pissed off when he tried

00:56:29.309 --> 00:56:31.809
to infringe on their territory. They promptly

00:56:31.809 --> 00:56:34.010
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days

00:56:34.010 --> 00:56:38.369
straight. Rob could not sit down. Next up, Things

00:56:38.369 --> 00:56:44.269
Overheard in Hell. Man, Axel Rose is such a great

00:56:44.269 --> 00:56:49.010
childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.

00:56:53.739 --> 00:56:58.599
This is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city

00:56:58.599 --> 00:57:05.340
in North America. You can't touch me. Oh, yeah?

00:57:05.400 --> 00:57:07.539
This is Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch.

00:57:08.059 --> 00:57:10.579
Well, hi, everybody. It's time for your favorite

00:57:10.579 --> 00:57:13.860
game show. That's right. Ask a random question

00:57:13.860 --> 00:57:16.800
with your friendly, happy host, Jumpin' Jack

00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:21.239
Calhoun. And now, over to the right, we go to

00:57:21.239 --> 00:57:25.510
our first contestant. Low dong, lip snarl. Low

00:57:25.510 --> 00:57:28.710
dong, what is your question? Well, I was just

00:57:28.710 --> 00:57:31.369
wondering how come every now and then I have

00:57:31.369 --> 00:57:33.829
a song just go over and over repeating itself

00:57:33.829 --> 00:57:36.309
in my head and I can't seem to get rid of it.

00:57:36.829 --> 00:57:38.869
I'd like to know what the hell's doing that so

00:57:38.869 --> 00:57:42.989
I can stop it. The phenomenon of songs getting

00:57:42.989 --> 00:57:46.010
stuck in your head, also known as earworms, is

00:57:46.010 --> 00:57:48.110
linked to how your brain processes and stores

00:57:48.110 --> 00:57:51.170
music. It involves various brain areas, including

00:57:51.170 --> 00:57:54.650
the auditory cortex, areas for memory and emotional

00:57:54.650 --> 00:57:58.130
processing, and the phonological loop. Catchy,

00:57:58.130 --> 00:58:00.610
repetitive, and emotionally engaging songs are

00:58:00.610 --> 00:58:03.849
more likely to become earworms. Okay, okay, okay.

00:58:04.150 --> 00:58:06.949
That's enough, you long -winded idiot. Jeez,

00:58:07.210 --> 00:58:14.320
I didn't ask for a fucking essay. Tomorrow morning

00:58:14.320 --> 00:58:16.519
while grinding your coffee beans for your double

00:58:16.519 --> 00:58:19.539
mocha latte, remember to not get your genitals

00:58:19.539 --> 00:58:23.000
caught in the grinder. It really hurts. Who can

00:58:23.000 --> 00:58:26.139
afford plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone.

00:58:27.599 --> 00:58:31.139
And now we look in on the adventures of the technical

00:58:31.139 --> 00:58:35.059
explanation guy. Excuse me, my dear sir. Could

00:58:35.059 --> 00:58:38.119
you please put my plain bread in a small countertop

00:58:38.119 --> 00:58:40.219
appliance with heating elements that would spring

00:58:40.219 --> 00:58:43.449
loaded and would brown my bread adequately? Well,

00:58:43.469 --> 00:58:46.289
first off, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a guy over

00:58:46.289 --> 00:58:49.329
there sitting at the table having a drink. Second

00:58:49.329 --> 00:58:51.250
off, are you talking about someone toasting your

00:58:51.250 --> 00:58:54.130
bread? Well, yes. Yes, I am. I'm talking about

00:58:54.130 --> 00:58:56.289
my bread being toasted. Then why don't you just

00:58:56.289 --> 00:58:58.750
ask for your bread to be toasted, you dumb bastard?

00:58:59.030 --> 00:59:02.750
What the hell's wrong with you? Two douchebags

00:59:02.750 --> 00:59:05.690
and a microphone invade your ear holes in...

00:59:05.690 --> 00:59:10.150
Hey! Who took a dump in the cooler? Hey, look.

00:59:10.329 --> 00:59:12.920
I think we found land. Oh my god, I think we're

00:59:12.920 --> 00:59:17.340
safe. Oh no! It's the island of horrible jokes.

00:59:20.139 --> 00:59:26.639
I dreamt I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

00:59:29.159 --> 00:59:33.860
Hey there, slap nuts. It's time for the Creeps

00:59:33.860 --> 00:59:39.159
Music News. Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This

00:59:39.159 --> 00:59:42.539
is Johnny Rohypnol with your music news. Ozzy

00:59:42.539 --> 00:59:44.300
Osbourne, in collaboration with Liquid Death,

00:59:44.519 --> 00:59:47.539
sold 10 empty crushed ice tea cans containing

00:59:47.539 --> 00:59:51.559
his DNA for $450 each. The cans are part of a

00:59:51.559 --> 00:59:54.699
promotion called Infinitely Recyclable Ozzy.

00:59:54.880 --> 00:59:57.400
They have since sold out. The cans were sealed

00:59:57.400 --> 01:00:00.300
in lab jars and contain a sample of Ozzy's saliva.

01:00:00.500 --> 01:00:03.659
This is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music

01:00:03.659 --> 01:00:06.420
news. And remember, bar chords are bullshit.

01:00:21.099 --> 01:00:23.760
This is Two Douchebags and Microphone. I'm Mark

01:00:23.760 --> 01:00:26.059
in the Kansas City area to talk his cheap studio.

01:00:38.909 --> 01:00:41.630
I was trying to figure out what I wanted to go

01:00:41.630 --> 01:00:43.469
to here. I think I'm going to go to this one

01:00:43.469 --> 01:00:49.110
right here. No good deed goes unpunished. A 21

01:00:49.110 --> 01:00:51.449
-year -old man suffered non -life -threatening

01:00:51.449 --> 01:00:54.550
injuries on July 6 when he tried to direct a

01:00:54.550 --> 01:00:57.329
shark back into the sea in Nantucket, Massachusetts.

01:00:59.010 --> 01:01:04.489
Oh, you read that already? I read the story.

01:01:04.590 --> 01:01:08.710
I didn't report it. Oh, okay. According to the

01:01:08.710 --> 01:01:11.150
Nantucket Current, the man had been fishing and

01:01:11.150 --> 01:01:13.869
caught the sandbar shark, which he and others

01:01:13.869 --> 01:01:16.670
were trying to pull by its tail back into deeper

01:01:16.670 --> 01:01:19.150
waters. But when he released the animal, it turned

01:01:19.150 --> 01:01:21.730
around and bit him on the leg before swimming

01:01:21.730 --> 01:01:28.289
away. By the way, fuck you. That's awesome. Beach

01:01:28.289 --> 01:01:30.969
goers watched and recorded videos as the incident

01:01:30.969 --> 01:01:33.349
unfolded. A friend took the injured man to the

01:01:33.349 --> 01:01:35.929
hospital, and he was later transported by helicopter

01:01:35.929 --> 01:01:41.510
to a mainland hospital. He saved the shark's

01:01:41.510 --> 01:01:44.090
life. And the shark turns around and goes, oh,

01:01:44.110 --> 01:01:46.929
by the way, here's the good news. He takes off.

01:01:49.550 --> 01:01:54.190
Bravo, shark. Bravo. Well played. Yes, well played,

01:01:54.190 --> 01:01:57.500
buddy. Yep. Anyhow, that was a short story. Go

01:01:57.500 --> 01:02:00.639
ahead, Rob. We're up to you now. Okay, okay.

01:02:00.760 --> 01:02:03.559
Well, you'll have to excuse me on my last story.

01:02:03.639 --> 01:02:07.340
I got a little confused. The ants are up in the

01:02:07.340 --> 01:02:13.519
Appalachians. The Mississippi River is the story.

01:02:14.920 --> 01:02:18.440
Okay. Yeah, they're not down around the Mississippi.

01:02:18.800 --> 01:02:56.599
Okay. But these are. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

01:02:56.619 --> 01:03:33.469
yeah. Yeah. They're destroying it. Yeah, yeah,

01:03:33.489 --> 01:03:35.769
they're horrible. They're also known as Japanese

01:03:35.769 --> 01:04:37.159
carp. Yes. That's okay. That's good because that's

01:04:37.159 --> 01:04:40.340
the only way they're going to slow this species

01:04:40.340 --> 01:04:43.320
down that's just destroying the ecological system

01:04:43.320 --> 01:04:45.760
of the Mississippi and the Missouri River too,

01:04:45.860 --> 01:05:27.920
both. Everyone except New York and California.

01:05:28.199 --> 01:06:16.400
So there you go. Okay. Wow, I didn't know that.

01:06:17.420 --> 01:06:21.159
Once you've recorded the necessary information

01:06:21.159 --> 01:06:24.719
and stored the fish, you'll want to call your

01:06:24.719 --> 01:06:29.460
local authorities to report the catch. Okay.

01:06:32.199 --> 01:06:35.239
You know, the lionfish in the Gulf of Mexico

01:06:35.239 --> 01:06:38.159
is doing the same thing. It's just tearing up

01:06:38.159 --> 01:06:41.099
the ecological system. And what they do is they...

01:06:41.599 --> 01:06:43.579
Asked all the restaurants to serve it because

01:06:43.579 --> 01:06:47.519
it's a tasty fish, I guess. So, and it's okay

01:06:47.519 --> 01:06:50.119
to eat. It's not poisonous. The outer, the barbs

01:06:50.119 --> 01:06:53.019
on it are poisonous, but you can cut that off

01:06:53.019 --> 01:06:56.260
and eat the meat and it's good. And that's how

01:06:56.260 --> 01:06:58.960
they're kind of controlling that. So on Japanese

01:06:58.960 --> 01:07:02.300
carp or black carp, you can't eat it. It's real

01:07:02.300 --> 01:07:07.239
porous and it's just nasty. And so there's not

01:07:07.239 --> 01:07:10.829
really a reason for people to hunt it. This is

01:07:10.829 --> 01:07:12.550
what they have to do. They have to offer a bounty

01:07:12.550 --> 01:07:15.250
for it, which I think is the best idea. Offer

01:07:15.250 --> 01:07:17.630
people money to it, and they'll do it, right?

01:07:18.769 --> 01:07:26.849
Yeah. So, thank you, Rob. Soccer, what? I said

01:07:26.849 --> 01:07:30.250
you're welcome. Oh, okay. Cool. Soccer player

01:07:30.250 --> 01:07:33.969
Lamar Yamal, forward for Barcelona, hosted a

01:07:33.969 --> 01:07:37.010
party to celebrate his 18th birthday on July

01:07:37.010 --> 01:07:40.010
13th at a rented country home. and Olivella,

01:07:40.050 --> 01:07:43.050
Spain, The Athletic reported. Media gathered

01:07:43.050 --> 01:07:45.369
outside caught glimpses not only of celebrity

01:07:45.369 --> 01:07:48.670
guests, but also of a group of people with dwarfism

01:07:48.670 --> 01:07:51.590
who were seen entering the house, which sparked

01:07:51.590 --> 01:07:54.230
an investigation by Spain's Ministry of Social

01:07:54.230 --> 01:08:00.610
Rights. On July 14th, Catalan radio station RAC1

01:08:00.610 --> 01:08:03.769
aired an interview with one of the people from

01:08:03.769 --> 01:08:06.769
the party who downplayed the controversy. We're

01:08:06.769 --> 01:08:09.119
only asking that they let us work. They said,

01:08:09.199 --> 01:08:11.360
we are normal people, self -employed, and do

01:08:11.360 --> 01:08:14.320
everything legally. In the show that we offer,

01:08:14.420 --> 01:08:18.100
we do to the place and dance with people, and

01:08:18.100 --> 01:08:22.300
we deliver shots and drinks, and we do magic

01:08:22.300 --> 01:08:27.479
tricks. I've never experienced... This is dwarves

01:08:27.479 --> 01:08:30.399
doing this. It's a thing. You can hire them.

01:08:31.079 --> 01:08:34.600
So dwarves do magic tricks. They deliver shots

01:08:34.600 --> 01:08:38.739
and drinks. They dance with people. this is what

01:08:38.739 --> 01:08:42.420
they offer. I've never experienced a lack of

01:08:42.420 --> 01:08:45.539
respect while working so far with all this criticism

01:08:45.539 --> 01:08:49.520
that the ADEE is doing is screwing with our jobs.

01:08:50.600 --> 01:08:56.119
Rob, that's what I want. Me too. I want a bunch

01:08:56.119 --> 01:08:58.779
of dwarves doing magic tricks and dancing. That

01:08:58.779 --> 01:09:01.659
party would be referred to ever. It'd be like,

01:09:01.760 --> 01:09:04.590
yeah, yeah, this is a cool party, but... You

01:09:04.590 --> 01:09:06.970
only have dwarves fucking dancing and handing

01:09:06.970 --> 01:09:10.789
out shots. So, yeah, I'm sorry. That's got to

01:09:10.789 --> 01:09:15.210
be my next bachelor party. Yeah, you never know.

01:09:15.229 --> 01:09:19.310
That might be coming up. Never know. Never know.

01:09:19.670 --> 01:09:22.489
But if it does, all right, we're going to hire

01:09:22.489 --> 01:09:24.670
you some dwarves, and we're going to have some

01:09:24.670 --> 01:09:28.270
fun. It was just like this one time a buddy of

01:09:28.270 --> 01:09:30.729
mine that was on his bachelor party went to strip

01:09:30.729 --> 01:09:35.180
club, and there's this... 6 '4 Brazilian chick.

01:09:36.760 --> 01:09:42.119
And I told her to go get my friend Mike, who

01:09:42.119 --> 01:09:44.500
was having his bachelor party. She went over

01:09:44.500 --> 01:09:46.920
there, and he's a big guy. She picked him up

01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:50.039
and threw him on the chair and started lap dancing

01:09:50.039 --> 01:09:53.279
him. He knew nothing was coming. He's sitting

01:09:53.279 --> 01:09:55.539
there looking at the pole. Some chick dances.

01:09:55.539 --> 01:09:57.319
All of a sudden, she walks over there. She points

01:09:57.319 --> 01:09:59.460
at him. I go, yeah, yeah, because I gave her

01:09:59.460 --> 01:10:02.140
a good wad of cash. She grabs him. You're coming

01:10:02.140 --> 01:10:04.819
with me. Fucking throws him in a chair and starts

01:10:04.819 --> 01:10:09.279
lap dancing on him. It was great. But never go

01:10:09.279 --> 01:10:14.260
to, what was it, Spanky's or Spank's in Reed

01:10:14.260 --> 01:10:20.149
Springs. Spank's. Oh, my God. A peg leg, a cesarean,

01:10:20.149 --> 01:10:25.109
a botched boob job. We cannot warn people enough.

01:10:25.369 --> 01:10:31.390
Oh, my gosh. What was that one? Go to Golden

01:10:31.390 --> 01:10:35.770
Seductions, the over 70. Do not expect Golden

01:10:35.770 --> 01:10:39.189
Seductions. It would be better than Spanx. It

01:10:39.189 --> 01:10:41.489
would be better than Spanx. I've never seen a

01:10:41.489 --> 01:10:44.670
stripper with a peg leg before until Spanx. I've

01:10:44.670 --> 01:10:53.300
never seen a stripper. Hell yeah. I love it.

01:10:55.079 --> 01:10:57.460
Old people got to have fun too, brother. Oh,

01:10:57.479 --> 01:10:59.520
hell yeah. And maybe we'll luck out and there'll

01:10:59.520 --> 01:11:01.899
be a couple of dwarfs in there dancing, right?

01:11:02.260 --> 01:11:07.539
Yeah. No, I think that would probably be spanked.

01:11:08.159 --> 01:11:11.880
Yeah. Don't you want to just take like a dwarf

01:11:11.880 --> 01:11:13.880
and pick him up by the collar and just spank

01:11:13.880 --> 01:11:16.319
him? There's nothing they could do. They're twirling

01:11:16.319 --> 01:11:17.840
their hands and their feet and you're just going

01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:26.489
bap, bap. Yeah, that's what you get. Oh, man,

01:11:26.590 --> 01:11:31.529
you imagine what it smells like down there. Oh,

01:11:31.529 --> 01:11:34.489
my God. Oh, no, I knew a guy that would purposely,

01:11:34.649 --> 01:11:36.550
whenever there'd be a dwarf around, he would

01:11:36.550 --> 01:11:39.250
try to fart in their face. He'd walk over there

01:11:39.250 --> 01:11:41.970
and just try to blast one. I mean, as much as

01:11:41.970 --> 01:11:45.729
he could. Too bad we didn't have the serial farter

01:11:45.729 --> 01:11:48.449
I used to work with. Oh, my gosh. He would have

01:11:48.449 --> 01:11:51.930
killed them. Oh, I got to look for that story,

01:11:52.050 --> 01:11:55.260
too. I got to look for that story. The serial

01:11:55.260 --> 01:11:58.859
farter. Yeah. So the mad shooter and the serial,

01:11:58.899 --> 01:12:01.859
the serial fart farter that I used to work with.

01:12:02.079 --> 01:12:04.399
Oh my gosh. Those are two. Yeah. Two good ones.

01:12:04.500 --> 01:12:13.760
All right, Rob, we turn to you. All right. Here's

01:12:13.760 --> 01:12:25.720
another short one for you. Okay. conservation

01:12:25.720 --> 01:12:29.020
efforts. The Missouri Department of Conservation

01:12:29.020 --> 01:12:33.800
confirmed that first ever observation of the

01:12:33.800 --> 01:12:38.699
extremely endangered Heinz Emerald Dragonfly

01:12:38.699 --> 01:12:43.680
in Bollinger County. One of the rarest dragonflies

01:12:43.680 --> 01:13:52.690
in the nation. Oh, wow. Okay. since then. Okay.

01:13:52.690 --> 01:13:57.270
If you get a chance, look them up. Okay. They're

01:13:57.270 --> 01:14:00.409
beautiful. No, I will. They are. Okay, that sounds

01:14:00.409 --> 01:14:07.430
cool. All right, thank you, Rob. Let's see. Okay.

01:14:10.489 --> 01:14:15.550
Do you still have time? Yeah, I got a few minutes.

01:14:15.829 --> 01:14:22.579
Okay. In United Arab Emirates, They have a highway

01:14:22.579 --> 01:14:25.079
that has grooves in it that when a tire goes

01:14:25.079 --> 01:14:27.420
over it, it will play parts of Beethoven's Ninth

01:14:27.420 --> 01:14:33.520
Symphony. Oh, cool. Yeah. I mean, I wish we had

01:14:33.520 --> 01:14:35.119
a road that whenever they went over grooves,

01:14:35.220 --> 01:14:36.699
it told them to look at the fucking road and

01:14:36.699 --> 01:14:38.739
not their phone. Wouldn't that be good? Yeah.

01:14:38.960 --> 01:14:42.880
Yeah. You know what I want? I want a road that

01:14:42.880 --> 01:14:45.039
plays the Price is Right losing sound whenever

01:14:45.039 --> 01:14:47.739
there's a fender bender. Wouldn't that be cool?

01:14:48.020 --> 01:14:57.399
All of a sudden... Wah, wah, wah. Damn it. Yeah,

01:14:57.600 --> 01:15:00.800
if you get a chance, look it up. It's really

01:15:00.800 --> 01:15:03.300
neat. I mean, at first I thought, oh man, that's

01:15:03.300 --> 01:15:05.039
stupid. And then I watched it and I'm like, oh

01:15:05.039 --> 01:15:09.140
no, no, that is cooler than hell. And it's Beethoven's

01:15:09.140 --> 01:15:11.840
Ninth Symphony because everyone's heard it. In

01:15:11.840 --> 01:15:14.479
case you know it or not, you've heard it. So

01:15:14.479 --> 01:15:16.560
when you hear it on this road, you're like, oh

01:15:16.560 --> 01:15:19.460
yeah, yeah, I know that one. So that was just

01:15:19.460 --> 01:15:22.199
a small one I've had for a long time that I wanted

01:15:22.199 --> 01:15:24.159
to get rid of. So, Rob, we turn back to you.

01:15:27.140 --> 01:15:29.180
Okay, you want to give me a minute on this one?

01:15:30.000 --> 01:15:33.039
Okay, I got it. I might come up. I got to come

01:15:33.039 --> 01:15:35.520
up and stop real quick. As far as I know, I have

01:15:35.520 --> 01:15:37.899
a minute. I can't see into the future, but I

01:15:37.899 --> 01:15:41.020
think I have a minute, so go ahead. Well, are

01:15:41.020 --> 01:15:48.560
you looking for it, or is it like a... Yeah,

01:15:48.579 --> 01:15:51.319
I know. You're out Galahooting. Oh, oh, oh, oh,

01:15:51.319 --> 01:15:54.939
oh, oh, oh, hey, hey. I was talking about Ice

01:15:54.939 --> 01:15:59.819
Cube. Here we go. Oh, okay. Ice Cube's latest

01:15:59.819 --> 01:16:04.600
movie is off to a slow start on review. Aggregator

01:16:04.600 --> 01:16:07.520
Rotten Tomatoes, according to 15 critics and

01:16:07.520 --> 01:16:10.000
counting. Hang on, Rob. You did that story last

01:16:10.000 --> 01:16:16.659
week. Oh, did I? Okay. Yep. No, that's okay.

01:16:16.720 --> 01:16:18.779
I just thought I'd warn you. I thought you didn't

01:16:18.779 --> 01:16:25.020
know. So, okay. This bird, Tim Tags. Nope, haven't

01:16:25.020 --> 01:17:07.279
got to that one. So, please, go ahead. The system

01:17:07.279 --> 01:17:16.140
is operational. Once the system is in place,

01:17:16.340 --> 01:17:20.359
vehicle buyers in Missouri will be required to

01:17:20.359 --> 01:17:25.319
pay sales tax at the point of the sale when they

01:17:25.319 --> 01:17:50.630
purchase through a dealership. Oh, wow. and a

01:17:50.630 --> 01:17:53.789
permanent metal plate with the same number of

01:17:53.789 --> 01:17:58.829
configuration will be mailed to the buyer. Okay.

01:17:59.649 --> 01:18:02.489
So it sounds like they're not going to keep the

01:18:02.489 --> 01:18:06.329
metal tags on hand anymore. That's what it sounds

01:18:06.329 --> 01:18:09.890
like. And that will be your 30 -day tax or whatever.

01:18:13.550 --> 01:18:20.869
Sorry, had to. Had to. Had to. I kind of knew

01:18:20.869 --> 01:18:23.430
it was coming to this because, I mean, it's a

01:18:23.430 --> 01:18:25.510
pretty well -known fact. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah.

01:18:28.710 --> 01:18:31.489
They're all over. Yeah, and they're all, like,

01:18:31.510 --> 01:18:35.470
five years old. So, I mean, it does not surprise

01:18:35.470 --> 01:18:40.189
me at all. So, anyhow. All right, do you still

01:18:40.189 --> 01:18:44.250
have time? Yeah, do you have, like, one more?

01:18:44.949 --> 01:18:56.529
Yeah, yeah. Let's see here. Yeah, okay. My phone's

01:18:56.529 --> 01:18:58.949
being a little retarded tonight. I was in the

01:18:58.949 --> 01:19:03.689
boonies again. Oh, gotcha. It's trying to get

01:19:03.689 --> 01:19:06.369
used to Wi -Fi again. Oh, yeah, where you were,

01:19:06.390 --> 01:19:09.250
yeah. Yeah, where you were is the boonies. You're

01:19:09.250 --> 01:19:12.350
down there near Pomme de Tar, right? Yeah, yeah,

01:19:12.390 --> 01:19:15.289
I was at Pomme de Tar. Okay, yeah, that's the

01:19:15.289 --> 01:19:18.199
boonies. And that's one of the best lakes to

01:19:18.199 --> 01:19:20.539
go to because it isn't a bunch of people there.

01:19:20.840 --> 01:19:24.920
It's more secluded. Yeah, it's beautiful. Palme

01:19:24.920 --> 01:19:31.159
d 'Itar is a very well -kept secret to a lot

01:19:31.159 --> 01:19:33.899
of people. They don't go there for some reason,

01:19:33.920 --> 01:19:36.319
but it's actually not as busy, not nearly as

01:19:36.319 --> 01:19:39.079
busy as the other lakes. And it's a beautiful

01:19:39.079 --> 01:19:51.569
lake, too. You're like the third person to tell

01:19:51.569 --> 01:19:56.550
me that. The Harbor, yeah. My cousin's girlfriend.

01:19:58.210 --> 01:20:01.310
Uh -huh. Okay, I got to kind of watch what I

01:20:01.310 --> 01:20:06.369
say here. Who introduced me to somebody. Uh -huh.

01:20:07.770 --> 01:20:11.829
She's a cook at the Harbor. Okay, and this is...

01:20:11.829 --> 01:20:14.770
Shout out to the Harbor. Is this... A good meal

01:20:14.770 --> 01:20:17.170
at Harbor State. Hang on, maybe it wasn't the

01:20:17.170 --> 01:20:20.720
Harbor. i can't you know what i can't remember

01:20:20.720 --> 01:20:23.859
i thought like it's it's it's right it's right

01:20:23.859 --> 01:20:27.319
on the dam that might be it right there at the

01:20:27.319 --> 01:20:30.600
dam okay you know what i i'm not for sure i'd

01:20:30.600 --> 01:20:33.840
have to i oh well i'd have to ask someone i'm

01:20:33.840 --> 01:20:36.260
pretty sure a couple people told me i think about

01:20:36.260 --> 01:20:39.239
that place maybe there's another one um anyhow

01:20:39.239 --> 01:20:45.029
all right an unnamed man hiking The Fee Glacier

01:20:45.029 --> 01:20:47.270
in Switzerland on July 4 suddenly broke through

01:20:47.270 --> 01:20:49.729
a snow bridge and fell 26 feet into a narrow

01:20:49.729 --> 01:20:55.489
crevice. The Associated Press reported, he had

01:20:55.489 --> 01:20:58.050
a walkie -talkie and reached someone nearby who

01:20:58.050 --> 01:21:01.630
alerted emergency responders, but his exact location

01:21:01.630 --> 01:21:04.529
was unknown. Lucky for him, his companion, his

01:21:04.529 --> 01:21:08.489
long -haired chihuahua, who patiently near the

01:21:08.489 --> 01:21:13.250
edge of the hole where rescuers eventually saw

01:21:13.250 --> 01:21:16.130
him. They were able to rappel down the crevice

01:21:16.130 --> 01:21:19.930
and bring the man out. He and his canine savior

01:21:19.930 --> 01:21:23.390
were flown to a hospital. The dog is a four -legged

01:21:23.390 --> 01:21:26.289
hero who may have saved his master's life in

01:21:26.289 --> 01:21:29.090
a life -threatening situation, gushed a statement

01:21:29.090 --> 01:21:32.710
from Air Zermatt, the rescue company. The dog

01:21:32.710 --> 01:21:35.890
reportedly kept... saying drop the chalupa at

01:21:35.890 --> 01:21:40.250
the hospital they wrote this not me and anyhow

01:21:40.250 --> 01:21:42.989
hi and if you don't know what drop the chalupa

01:21:42.989 --> 01:21:53.689
is go ahead yeah look here talk a bell yeah yeah

01:21:53.689 --> 01:21:55.689
yeah yeah if you don't know what i'm talking

01:21:55.689 --> 01:22:00.239
about just put in drop the chalupa Or Taco Bell

01:22:00.239 --> 01:22:03.039
Chihuahua. And you will see the old commercial

01:22:03.039 --> 01:22:06.539
that this is referring to. And I forgot to scratch

01:22:06.539 --> 01:22:09.079
out that part about Drop the Chalupa. I apologize

01:22:09.079 --> 01:22:13.720
for that horrible, horrible joke. Normally I

01:22:13.720 --> 01:22:15.279
edit these a little bit better, but that one

01:22:15.279 --> 01:22:19.779
got away from me. Rob, are you still good or

01:22:19.779 --> 01:22:22.939
do you want to end this shit show? Yeah, I'm

01:22:22.939 --> 01:22:30.029
fine. All right. Hello, Albuquerque. Hello, Hicksville.

01:22:31.010 --> 01:22:34.390
Hello, Grandma Opal. Yeah, Grandma Opal. I haven't

01:22:34.390 --> 01:22:36.310
heard anything about you, so I guess that's good

01:22:36.310 --> 01:22:40.430
news because she's in a rehab. So, Grandma Opal,

01:22:40.430 --> 01:22:42.590
we love you. Keep listening. We love Jimmy, too.

01:22:42.689 --> 01:22:44.649
He's an awesome guy. He's the best grandson you

01:22:44.649 --> 01:22:47.510
could ever have because he allows you to listen

01:22:47.510 --> 01:22:50.850
to us. And we love Grandma Opal. We are your

01:22:50.850 --> 01:22:53.710
hugest fans. We hope rehab is going well for

01:22:53.710 --> 01:22:56.670
you. Jimmy, drop us a line. Let us know how things

01:22:56.670 --> 01:23:01.100
are going. I know you're busy. Hey, Al. Thank

01:23:01.100 --> 01:23:03.520
you, assholes, for listening. Have a good night,

01:23:03.560 --> 01:23:09.979
assholes. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks

01:23:09.979 --> 01:23:12.800
like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive

01:23:12.800 --> 01:23:16.500
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear

01:23:16.500 --> 01:23:18.920
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your

01:23:18.920 --> 01:23:19.699
ear holes soon.