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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. And now we look
in on the adventures of the technical explanation
guy. Why excuse me, sir. Could you please pass
the Piper Negram? Do you mean the black pepper?
Why, yes. Yes, I do mean the black pepper. Then
just say the black pepper, you dumbass. Shit.
Hey there, slap nuts. It's time for the Creeps
Music News. Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This
is Johnny Rohypnol with your music news. Ozzy
Osbourne in collaboration with Liquid Death.
sold 10 empty crushed ice tea cans containing
his DNA for $450 each. The cans were part of
a promotion called Infinitely Recyclable Aussie.
They have since sold out. The cans were sealed
in lab jars and contain a sample of Aussie saliva.
This is Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music
news. And remember, bar chords are bullshit.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for
brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A goat farm in Montana has a parrot trained to
call the goats in for dinner every night. Four
out of five people surveyed said that two douchebags
in a microphone podcast are more entertaining
than a gum infection. The fifth one called the
cops and we had to leave. Two douchebags, a microphone,
and an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer
you first world problems. Man, my internet is
so slow. This is bullshit. How am I supposed
to browse or get on TikTok with slow internet?
I'm so pissed off right now. I don't know what
to do. Your mama's so fat, she uses Google Earth
to take a selfie. Ms. Gulkenstein was tired of
Mark and Toe for making sport of her. Little
did the douchebags know Ms. Gilfenstein was a
voodoo high priestess when she was younger. She
grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. Sir, I see
your qualifications here. May I ask some further
questions that could help me determine your employment
eligibility? Yes, sir. I'm ready. Well, as you
can see here, we have a large population of different
ethnic backgrounds, sexuality, and ages. Are
you by chance bilingual? Well, sir, I'm not sure
why you need that kind of information, but, well,
it was only one time in summer camp. I considered
it experimental. Two douchebags and microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the
Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful
triangle arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the Duck
Line studio. All right. So, Rob, you had a little
float trip, huh? I know where that's at. It's
more the Niagara River. Yeah, I did not leave
the Niagara. Yeah, it's close to Bennett Springs,
which is also the Niagara River. Literally right
down the road, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I've been there
before. It was a well -needed getaway, man. Good.
Great time. Yeah, you sound excited about it.
I was happy for you. That's excellent. Good.
I'm glad you... Yep, I can tell. I can tell we
all need that. Mine's coming in the middle of
August. Going to go down to Eureka Springs and
we're going to try to record there. And then
hopefully we'll go to the lake house maybe some
times in September. And maybe you can meet me
there because it's only going to be about 20
minutes from you, I believe. Yeah, yeah. So that
would be great, yeah. Actually get to look at
each other and go, man. Yeah, really. Look at
each other and go, shit. We did not age well.
No, I'm joking. Yeah, exactly. Sit there and
secretly shake our head and go, shit, I thought
I looked bad. No. Anyhow, so, well, I'm glad
you had fun. That's excellent. Good. I've got
some. Oh, that's what those things are about.
I'll tell you what. I mean, even like a long
time ago, a friend of mine, a severe thunderstorm
came up and we were all in the trailer because
there was like a backup trailer. We was down
at Table Rock Lake and I was with some friends.
And anyhow. A severe thunderstorm rolled up,
about 70 mile an hour winds. And his tent was
about ready to blow down. And he refused to come
in the house. And he just stood there with his
arms out like a cross with a tent blowing in
the wind until it stopped. I'm sitting there
going, what the fuck, Gary? Gosh. He was a trooper.
Thursday night, I went out and bought a kayak.
Uh -huh. Okay. Yeah. I was going to ride in a
kayak. Cool. Oh, okay. And then we get in line
to load up, and Jim looks at me. He goes, no,
you're riding with Joey, which is his oldest
daughter. She's like 42. Uh -huh. No, just my
second cousin, no. Did you do any dives? No,
I didn't. I was too busy having to dump out our
boat every time we stopped. Our canoe was leaking.
Oh, okay, okay. Okay. Yeah, it's beautiful down
there. It's very beautiful. Cool. That sounds
like a lot of fun. I'm really glad that you got
to do that. All right, Rob, I've got a couple
more Aussie things before we move on. Okay, number
one, Google Aussie Osborne and look at the top
of the screen. It's pretty cool. It's pretty
cool what Google did for him. And so, anyhow,
as I alluded to on my Facebook and Instagram
post, I fell for it again, Rob. I was on a vintage
rock paraphernalia page, and I mentioned my original
1992 No More Tours t -shirt, right? So they plaster
me with pics or it's bullshit. Well, I succumbed
to the provoking, and I am now out of the group
due to massive interest and constant hounding
again. Will I ever learn, Rob? I've bitched about
this before, remember? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I fell
for it again. They kept screwing with me, and
I'm just like, here it is, bastards. I own it.
And then as soon as they're sure you own it,
everyone tries to solicit it from you. Hey, hey,
hey, I'll pay you this much. And I'm like, damn
it. I did it again. So anyhow, I left the group.
I'm like, no, I'm not putting up with this bullshit
anymore. I just left the group and I blocked
it so they can't find me because I don't want
to get rid of it. I mean, anything short of like,
I don't know, $100 ,000 or I don't know, maybe
$80 ,000 or something. No, I'm not getting rid
of it. I mean, everyone's like, hey, $50. I'm
like, no, no, no, no. Hey, here's a kick in the
ass. Hey, I got $100. Nope, I got a kick in the
ass for you and $1. How's that? And I got one
more Ozzy fact here. Apparently, Ozzy redid his
will slightly, knowing his time was limited.
He arranged to have a dozen black roses sent
to Sharon once a week until she's no longer with
us. How classy. Isn't that cool? Yes, that is
cool. Yeah, I mean, there's no doubt they just
loved each other. They're nuts about each other.
And, you know, I mean, he was really sick. And
he did, from what I read, and I think I believe
it is a pretty credible source, said that he
got on there and was like, nope, you know, I'm
not leaving this world without leaving my beloved
wife something to remember me by every week.
Why he chose Black Rose is probably because it's
why he's called the Prince of Darkness. Okay.
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it's fitting for him. Anyhow,
like Davey said, he was the most real, humble
star ever. I mean, I met him at a record signing
and then another time just by chance. And he
is the most down -to -earth guy that will actually
look at you and say, how are you doing? And mean
it. Notice, get me out of here. Here's one of
those people. He was real. And he was right.
And like Davey and I were talking, we were lucky
enough to enjoy him in his prime. I'm proud to
say, and this isn't bragging, I personally saw
him 16 times in concert. I finally sat down and
added them up. Yeah, 16 times. And I would go
into every place because I wrote them down. I
was just curious. And I don't think I left out
any. I thought about it, thought about it, went
to sleep, woke up in the middle of the night
and said, oh, yeah, Des Moines. Went to sleep
again. Oh, yeah, Lampy. And I did all of that.
And I'm pretty sure I got every one of them because
I have vivid memories of all of them because
that's just the way I'm geared. I can't remember
two plus two, but I can remember an Aussie show
in 1992. There you go. Yep. That's all. Yep.
And I got an Alice Cooper fact for you here too.
I mean, while we're talking about legends. All
right. Okay. Yeah. Did you know Groucho Marx
suffered from severe insomnia? And whenever this
occurred, he would call his neighbor Alice Cooper
and have them come over with a six pack and they
would drink the six pack and watch old horror
movies and bullshit until Groucho nodded off.
True fact. Yeah, it is. True fact. Look it up.
And you talk about another legend. That was Groucho
Marx. That guy's comedy was just something else.
Yeah, it was. Oh, wait a minute. I lied. I lied.
I have one more Aussie fact here. More than 20
,000... Rob, I probably stole this from you.
I'm pretty sure you have this story, okay? So
if you do, I apologize in advance. More than
20 ,000 people have signed a petition calling
for Birmingham Airport to be renamed Ozzy Osbourne
International. Did you know that? You're in luck.
I did not know that. Okay, good. I hate stealing
your stuff. For anybody that goes to NRO campgrounds,
there is no cell service whatsoever. Yeah, no,
I said that thing about... You see, you're the
big wrestling guy. You're the big wrestling guy.
So I asked you about Hulk Hogan, and I'm like,
wow, man, he must be busy. He never answered
me. I didn't realize that. Well, I got up Friday
morning. I was going to work 6 to 2 .30, 8 hours.
Yep. I got down there early and got set up. I
got down there about 4 o 'clock Friday. They
said they were not going to do that, but the
airport said it's looking into how they can honor
the singer through terminal artwork. A Birmingham
airport spokesman said, Ozzy Osbourne is an inspiration
to so many of our region, proving that talent,
hard work, and commitment can take you all corners
of the world. He said in the coming weeks, we'll
be looking at how we can celebrate his heritage
and contribution to the region via terminal artwork,
creating a greater sense of place for Birmingham
and his fans. A petition has since been set up
calling for the city's airport to be renamed
in memory of the heavy metal legend. Within 48
hours, it gained more than 12 ,000 signatures.
Now it's over 20 ,000, and I think the last I
looked is over 35 ,000. And they're not screwing
around. They want it to be Ozzy Osbourne International.
And I'm not convinced that the International
Airport may not succumb to this. I mean, it is
a huge groundswell. You can find it online. People
are like, they're not outraged. They're not pissed.
They're saying, please, in God's name, rename
the airport. And I... Yeah, yeah, and this is
what they wrote. They said, Ozzy Osbourne was
the most important musician ever to hail from
Birmingham. He rose to fame as the lead vocalist
of the pioneering rock band, Black Sabbath, who
invented the genre of heavy metal. Ozzy's influence
on music and culture is undeniable. Naming our
international airport after him would be fitting
tribute to his extraordinary career and contributions
to the arts. And they went on to say this. And
this is true. And this is one reason why I think
they may rethink this. Okay, Rob. Other airports
in the UK are named after other famous children.
George Best International Airport in Belfast.
John Lennon Airport in Liverpool. So it's only
right that we do this here in Birmingham in honor
of Ozzy. Together we can celebrate the legacy
of Ozzy Osbourne with the incredible influence
our city has had on the world stage thanks to
him. I think that that is so well written, and
I think that that explained how other musicians
of that magnitude, I mean, because at this point,
you can say Ozzy Osbourne was, and still is,
just as big as the Beatles. Not bigger, but just
as big, right? Just a different genre. So why
would you not? Why would you not go ahead and
do that? I mean, who would not want to fly into
Aussie Osborne International? They would get
so many check -ins. Oh, yeah, they would. Yeah,
you'd get there and go, oh, shit, I've got to
check in. I'm at Aussie's airport. I mean, I
would fly to England just to fucking do that.
I would, too. That would probably be the one
and only thing that would get me on a plane.
But you see, that's why they need to rename it
Ozzy Osbourne International. Yes, I think, yeah.
You know what, Ozman, I hope you get it. I know
that you probably don't really give a shit. I
think you're in better hands now and not suffering,
and we're happy for you, and we're glad you graduated
this life. We're not glad we're not going to
see you anymore or enjoy you, but we're glad
you enjoyed this life, and I'm sure that you're
enjoying paradise, and we'll see you on the other
side. which I did on my post. Did you catch that
song? Yes, I did. Yeah, only Aussie fans would
catch that. So that's why I did that. So on to
other garbage as we proclaim. A phenomenon called
corn sweat could exasperate the impacts of extreme
heat blanketing a large portion of the United
States, according to experts. Now, I spoke of
this a couple of years ago. Do you remember that?
Yeah, yeah, I do remember something about that.
Yeah, well, at the time I thought maybe it was
kind of overblown. Well, now they're saying that
no, this is true. The process known by the scientific
term as vasper transpiration, I don't know why
it's called that, is the natural process by which
plants move water from the roots of the plant
to the surface, according to Ohio State University.
The water then evaporates into the atmosphere,
making the local region feel more humid. So that's
how come you can go to Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas,
Missouri, anywhere with a lot of cornfields.
You go to Oklahoma, it's humid, but not as much
as here, not as many cornfields. You go to Arkansas,
humid, but not as much as here, not as many cornfields.
So it does make sense. And you get to Missouri
or any of these states I just mentioned, And,
I mean, it's just the humidity has just cranked
up to fucking 100. And I remember, okay, I used
to, I've been in cornfields, and you can literally
see the sweat on the stalk. You walk through
a cornfield, and I know you've done this before,
Rob, because I've known you most of my life.
You've been through cornfields, and when you
walk through, you come out drenched, don't you?
Okay, well, I used to detassel corn. Did you
ever do that? Yeah, I've had to do that before.
Okay, yeah. It used to be a good little moneymaker
for younger, I don't know, teenagers or a little
bit younger, maybe 12 -year -olds. But we used
to sign up for a field. And if you take the tassels
out of the corn, it becomes a different product.
It's not like a food product for humans. It becomes
more stock nutrient because you took the tassel
out. And then that is turned into not only biofuel.
But at the time, they didn't have too much biofuel,
but it came into corn mush for animals and some
petroleum products, okay? So yeah, but you would
have to take the tassels out of the top to make
that corn not yield a crop that was human consumable.
I mean, you could eat it, but it's not good for
us anymore. It's good for a different use. So
they would pay people. They go, all right, I
got 10 acres of this corn that needs to be detasseled.
Now I think they do it with machinery. And you'd
sign up and go, all right, sir, I'll do that.
Well, how much do I get for that? Well, we'll
pay you $400 to do it. And at the time, that
was a lot of money to a kid. So me and my brother
and my sister would sign up for this. We would
go detassel corn, and we'd get our $400 and be
happy. So we would go through these cornfields,
and you weren't drenched in sweat. You were drenched
in the water that was produced by the corn on
the stock. And so, anyhow, but I have a plan
for this, Rob, okay? They want to stop all this
humility. How about corn deodorant? That sounds
like a good idea. Yeah, yeah. You know, you could
be like Right Guard for corn. Yeah. Yeah. Old
Spice, corn edition, maybe? Or how about Secret
for female corn? yeah yeah you know we could
do the old spice or the right guard and they
would have secret if it's female corn i don't
know how you tell male and female corn but you
know i mean we could leave it up to them we could
just take it out there and go all right females
grab the secret males grab you know the right
guard or the old spice or whatever so i'm patting
myself on the back so hard it hurts i think i
think i came up with something um Okay, Rob,
I hope I did not steal this story from you. And
if I did, I'll shut it down and go to something
else. A Branson couple was arrested after allegedly
living in a Walmart attic for two years. Do you
have that story? I do not have it. I read it.
I do not have it. Okay, so go ahead and go with
it. You're two for two. Yay, good. I mean, look,
in a perfect world, we like it like this. We
like the element of unknowing. We could get together
before the show and go, hey, I got this story,
this story. Why do that? Right? Yeah, we don't
know. This is total ad -lib. Yeah. Total ad -lib.
It makes it more fun. Yeah, it does. Makes it
more interesting, that's for sure. Yeah, I think
so, too. And whenever I listen back to it, there's
a certain element to it that you get that I think
is really cool. Okay, a couple has been arrested
after authorities say they secretly lived in
the attic space of a local Walmart super center
for more than two years, completely unnoticed
by staff. According to police, Todd McAllister,
47, and Jessica Reams, 45, have been residing
in a makeshift living area tucked inside the
store's attic above the garden center and automotive
section. The discovery came after an HVAC contractor,
responding to a routine maintenance issue, stumbled
upon what he described as a fully lived -in campsite,
complete with a mattress, battery -powered lantern,
storage bins full of clothes, and even a working
hot plate. It looked like they'd been there a
long time, says Sergeant Lane Holloway of the
Branson Police Department. They had shelves organized
with food from the store, books, clothes, even
a small area where they were growing herbs under
LED lights. They even had a garden. Oh, my God.
The couple allegedly accused, or no, no, not
accused, assessed. Man, I need to, I apologize.
I need to replace the ribbon in that fucking,
and it's not ribbon, the cartridge in that printer.
The couple allegedly assessed the attic through
an old maintenance hatch in the stock room that
had long been sealed off from regular use. And
hang on, I'm trying. The ink is like really light
here. Investigators believe they would sneak
down late at night to take food, hygiene products,
and supplies, blending in with the late night
shift employees. Someone thought they were stalkers.
That is fucking... These guys are amazing. But
you've got to look at their picture. Oh, my God.
The lady has bat wings over each eye, a Joker
-like sidelines on it, and lips, and it's tattooed
on her face. You've got to see it. Yeah. They
were curved. I'm telling you, take the 20 seconds
to do it. It will be worth it. They were careful.
Go ahead. Okay. They were careful, Holloway said.
They didn't take much at once. We believe they
used fake employee vests and timed their movements
around security cameras' blind spots. Bravo.
Yes. Look, I would let him go. I would say, you
guys did this so brilliantly. How can we throw
you in jail? You know? I mean, that's just me.
The couple reportedly kept a journal documenting
their experience with entries referencing store
noise patterns, restocking schedules, and strategies
for avoiding detection. One entry read, Day 614,
we made it. Through Black Friday again, the noise
was unbearable, but the snacks were worth it.
How about that, huh? Yeah, I say. Oh, go ahead.
I'll tell you, a year or two ago, I read a story
about a gal that was living above a Walmart,
some store. She was living up on the roof, had
a big shoe. I think it was like a dollar. It
was in the sign. They were living in the sign.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and they had like the
same thing set up. They had a little house. And
then they went to... Yeah, they went to replace
the sign, and they got busted. Pretty fucking
cool. Yeah. You've got to give these people credit.
I'm telling you. They were there for a while
before they got caught. Two years. They were
there for two years, and they figured out all
the motion detections and the store patterns,
and they had Walmart vests to fit in. I mean,
it's brilliant. These people could do some, they
could do something like maybe store theft prevention
or something. They're so detailed at this. Right.
If I was at store, I would hire them. I would
say, hey guys, we want you. We're going to pay
you to make sure that you can never get back
in here and do this. Yeah. I mean, look, I mean,
for an example, an old place I used to work at,
they hired former OSHA. investigators, to tell
them how to get around OSHA or how to not get
fined by OSHA. It's a company. It's a company
that ex -OSHA employees formed to help you not
get fined from OSHA, you know, not to get nailed
to the wall. Yes. So this is kind of the same
thing. It's like you hire a criminal to keep
you safe from other criminals. Actually, that's
been a big thing for a long time. I've seen a
lot of shows where they have burglars go in and
show people how people break into their house.
It's brilliant. Anyhow, so I move on here. The
three -day festival of frisk play, tents, pole
dancing, foam parties, mobile dungeons, and sex
games like butt plug bingo. The annual festival...
I'm going somewhere with this. The annual festival
first began back in 2020 and is becoming bigger
each year, much to the chagrin of locals. We're
becoming known as the swingers capital of England,
just because this festival, that's not a title.
We want one anonymous resident told Southwest
news service. It's mostly elderly people and
families here. So you can imagine them, you know,
spitting their tea out when they learned, you
know, that they are, they are home of swing a
thon. Okay. The, it is called Safford Shire.
And it's a town in England. I mean, And so they
picked this place out in the middle of nowhere.
Or is it Sufford? Something like that. I think
it's Sufford Shire or something like that. So
anyhow, I didn't have it written down on here
for whatever reason. So I probably forgot it.
So they picked this place because it's a small
town out in the middle of nowhere in England
to have this big outdoor swing fest. OK, with
everything that I just mentioned, but plug bingo,
dungeons and all that stuff. OK, so, you know,
what kind of tricks could they play on him to
get him to leave? You know, the town just they're
not thinking enough. Right. I mean, could they
could they maybe release swarms of fleas or mosquitoes?
You know, I told you about, you know, the old
lady that ripped me off when I mowed her lawn
and everybody did it. And I noticed her that
she was watering her flower vase in front. And
so when I called her a bitch because she wouldn't
pay me, I noticed this larva in the swimming
pool and I asked my dad, I go, what is that?
And he goes, oh, that's a mosquito larva. Dump
it. We don't want those damn things hatching.
I'm like, okay, so that's like mosquito eggs.
They'll hatch and become mosquitoes. Yeah. Yeah.
So get it out of here. So I took a cup full of
that larva and I went up there and I acted like
I was apologizing to the lady. So I poured it
in there, you know, in her pots that she watered.
So that way, the larva would hatch. So anyhow,
the larva did hatch because the water stayed
just enough. to where it would hatch them because
they're really close to hatching and i seen her
having a bug guy out there like a week later
i'm pretty sure it was uh i'm pretty sure it
was linked together so um so you could maybe
do something like that right maybe build some
mud puddles and put i don't know mosquito larvae
in there or how about swarms swarms of fleas
they live on the ground you know they're just
not thinking enough you know um ghosts Apparitions
at night, maybe, you know. I mean, I don't know.
Itching powder all over the ground. I mean, I
think there's things they could do. Poison ivy
under the blankets. Pillows. You know, but if
you do this, make sure you have a bucket of Clorox
and double up on the gloves. Right? I mean, other
than that, they can't get rid of the people.
It's perfectly legal to do what they're doing.
They have a permit. I feel for them, though.
That would completely suck. I have more stuff,
but Rob, we're going to turn it over to you if
you have some stories you want to get to. Yeah,
I want to get my one and only awesome story out
of the way. Oh, awesome. Good, good. I think
I got what you mean. Rob, I think I know what
you're saying, but proceed, please. As the rock
world and bands alike mourn Ozzy Osbourne's death,
some of his peers teamed up to pay tribute. On
Friday, Johnny Depp joined Alice Cooper on stage
with guitar in hand, accompanying the singer
for his cover of Black Sabbath's 1970 single
Paranoid. Did you hear that, Rob? It's excellent.
Wow. It is very cool. Listen to it. Alice Cooper
is quite emotional when he's singing it. I mean,
they were good friends. They loved each other.
It's really good. And Johnny Depp loved Ozzy
and he's playing his ass off. People that say
that Johnny Depp can't play guitar are morons.
He can play. No, he can't. He's good. He can't
play. He's good. I've read this stuff all over.
Oh, he can't play. He's out of tune. I'm like,
no, he's not. And even if he was. virtually every
guitarist is out of tune on something you know
it's especially in concert you really can't keep
them tuned moving around fucking dive bombing
fucking tremolos you really can't keep them tuned
and you can only go get a new guitar every so
often that's tuned up so anyhow people are idiots
that's just all there is to it so um well should
we uh come back with some emails sounds good
to me all right we shall be right back Hey, my
fellow heavy breeders, this is Dash Riptide,
your music news. Rob Halford, the legendary singer
of Judas Priest, now has his very own action
figure on sale. This is from McFarlane Toys.
It sells for $34 .99, and even Halford's action
figure is taller than Udo Dirk -Snyder. This
is Dash Riptide, and that was your music news.
If it's too loud, you probably have ear damage,
just like me. So you want proof that we love
you here at QD Spades and Microfilm Central?
Here's a proof right here about the drink of
the week. How to make the famous Carnival Cruise
Line Miami Vice frozen drink. Two ounces Bacardi
one, seven ounces frozen pina colada mix. three
ounces strawberry daiquiri mix, half a hurricane
glass of ice. Blend it all together and serve
with a slice of pineapple and a maraschino cherry
on top. Bam, there you go. Miami Vice, Carmel
style. Next up, things overheard in hell. The
only water that's available here in hell is sulfur
well water. Hello there, this is Jeremy Filthbag
from the legendary band Fuck Hummer. I would
like to welcome you to the worst show ever, to
Douchebags and Microphone Podcast. We would do
a song for them, but they suck, and we don't
want to be associated with them. The only reason
I'm doing this right now is because they paid
me. Two Dish Bags and Microphone is the only
podcast available anywhere with gusto. That's
right, I said gusto. Gusto is a magical ingredient
in Schlitz beer that makes it so damn delicious.
So enjoy a little gusto with your podcast today.
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The
Origin of. The Origin of Lysol. Lysol first came
to prominence after it was used in Hamburg, Germany
to help combat cholera epidemic in the late 19th
century. It was later touted as a way to fight
the devastating flu epidemic of 1918. An ad in
the Los Angeles Times that year said, help your
health board conquer Spanish influenza by disinfecting
your home. Two douchebags and microphone. I'm
Mark here in Kansas City at the Talk is Cheap
studio. And I am Rob. It's a beautiful angle
arm of Blakey Leo Sartins in the Duck Barn studio.
All right. You know, we keep adding stuff to
your intro. It's going to eventually get to like
10 minutes. Hey, I'll take all the time I can
get. All right. Cool. All right. We'll find more.
I don't know what to do after the wah -wah, but
we'll figure it out. Okay. Now, this was sent
from Ronnie in Tulsa, the Tulsa King. This is
a question that's been going around the Internet
for quite a while, and he knows that, and I know
that, and we all know this, okay? People have
posted it, should they quit, stuff like that.
Okay, so. Hey guys, if Motley Crue disbanded
and quit right now and said it was due to the
band missing Mick and Vince being a fat piece
of crap, would they have salvaged their royalty
in the rock realm? Ronnie and Tulsa, the Tulsa
King. P .S. I turned down the promotion to stay
in Tulsa. Love to you all. R .I .P. Ozzy. I'm
glad you're staying in Tulsa. That gives us a
better chance of meeting you because you're much
closer. And I know you love Tulsa. And, Rob,
I will let you go first. Did they salvage their
royalty, their place in the elite hard rock bands?
Go ahead. I don't think they do. I think it's
went too far. Yep. My opinion. I think it's went
too far. It's too late. Yep. They weren't even
invited to Aussies last year. Come on. It's too
late. It's too late. I agree with you 100%. They
have trampled their legacy. They have shit on
it. They pissed on it. They burned it. They threw
it all out. I mean, it's destroyed. Nobody takes
them for real anymore. And I can give you key
points, okay? Number one, they haven't had any
type of a well -selling album or even a hit in
30 plus years, probably 40 years. They haven't
written very many songs in that amount of time.
Nikki Sixx has become impossible to work with.
He's become a prima donna bitch. And the reason
that's so bad is he has become... And this is
like Howard Stern, too. This can go for Howard
Stern. He's become the people that they used
to make fun of. I remember I saw Nikki Sixx in
Topeka, Kansas. And this was during Grunge. Grunge
was huge. And he comes out there and he goes,
he's talking about EMI records or something,
some chick there. And he goes, and this bitch
doesn't think we're relevant. So he said, so
I got her voicemail right here. and he said you
know hey everybody at the count of three say
fuck you so you know this is how anti -establishment
he was this was a record company exec that he
did this to so he turned uh he turned the phone
over when her voicemail was you know ready to
record and everyone screamed fuck you and then
he'd hang up so now you know bands can't hardly
tour with him because he's like oh you can't
do this you can't do that oh no no no don't use
this you can't go over this amount of time he's
become such a bitch about this allegedly that
nobody likes to tour with him like i said godsmack
wrote the song crying like a bitch about him
um They tried to trample Mick Mars' legacy in
the band, which is insane. They would have never
been anywhere without that guy's guitaring. And
they unceremoniously just said, fuck you, and
tried to erase him from everything. They don't
want to pay him anymore for all the songs that
he helped them do. It's criminal what they tried
to do to him. And that's why he has him in court
right now. and then they bring John 5 in and
act like nothing happened. They got rid of Vince
Neal, and they had to come back with their tail
between their legs because John Carabi, fine
singer, great guy, but nobody wanted him in the
band. If they would have changed the name of
the band, it probably would have worked. But
they called themselves Motley Crue. Motley Crue
is with those four. So how come they brought
back Vince, but they think they can do without
Mick Mars? I mean, that's just some of the stuff.
Right, right. Yeah, they have become lethargic
and lazy and living on their past work. And they
haven't come out with anything relevant in 35
years. So, yeah, their legacy is destroyed. They
did everything they could to fuck it up, and
they did it well. So, Rob, agreed? I agree. All
right, next one. Rob, do you have any extra loincloths?
I was wanting to maybe use one to stencil Fuckhammer
on it. I know what a huge fan you are of them.
Fuckhammer was going to open for Ozzy, but he
never heard of them. Mitch in Belton for the
annual pirate salute to Rob Rad, the gym rope
expert. Rob, what do you have to say to that?
now Mitch knows that you went to and now you're
back now you're in my hometown come on yeah at
your school yes he's saluting you the gym rope
expert were you good at gym rope actually I wasn't
too shabby I kept up with everybody else he knows
you he is great Mitch, keep it up. This is really
good. This is like a mystery that we can't unravel.
I love it. I ain't got a clue. I ain't got a
clue. Well, I'm sure sometime, at some point,
Mitch will come out with who he is, but until
then, it sure is fun, isn't it? Yes, he is. At
first, I thought he knew me. No, he knows you,
and I don't know if he knows me or not, but he
at least knows you. All right, next one. And
this is a very nice one, and thank you. Mark,
I work in radio, and you have a lot of talent.
There's no room for creativity in radio anymore,
but I just wanted to compliment you on your work.
I also enjoy Rob. He is a nice little change
up to your banter. Keep up the amazing imagination.
Roland Branson, South Nashville. I looked up
the name. Yes, he is in radio. And thank you,
Roland. I'm not going to say anything more about
it because I don't know if it would implicate
anything. So, Roland, coming from you and from
what I could tell, that is one hell of a compliment.
Thank you very much. Thank you. It makes me feel
like what we're doing here is special, right?
Yeah. So, Roland, if you want to write me back,
you got any hints, anything? You just want to
talk? That's fine with me. I would love to pick
your mind from what you know. So, all right.
Douches, what an Ozzy tribute. I was floored
by it. Mark's knowledge of Ozzy, Rob's too, is
something extraordinary. I listened to the collage
and the words three times. I was so amazed by
it. Way to go, guys. Thank you, Jeff and St.
Charles. You're welcome. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, thank
you very much, man. And you're welcome. Once
again, that's something we threw together on
the fly like we did. Yeah. It's from the heart,
so I'm glad you read it like it was supposed
to be. I mean, you know, we're tributing a guy
that was there for us basically our whole life.
Yes. And we're not the only person. My God, I've
never seen so many tributes, so many people,
so many different varieties of people, so many
different everything, ethnic, ages, all over
the globe. People admired and loved the guy.
And I mean, the outpour has just been insane.
And you know what? He deserves it. And so anyhow,
and then finally, you guys are true Aussie fans.
Thank you for the heartfelt thoughts. I think
most listeners feel exactly the same. Long live
the Prince of Darkness, Johnny and OP. Yeah,
Johnny and OP, thank you very much. Appreciate
it. Yeah. Johnny's a good guy. We hope we'll
get him on here one of these days. He said he
will. So I know three -way calling finally, so
we can do it. So anyhow, Johnny, whenever you're
ready. But his name's not Johnny, which fucking
bothers me. All right, Rob. Yeah, we know this.
I don't know. Johnny is not in a field that it
would bother him. I don't know why he doesn't
use his regular name, but oh, whatever. It's
all right. It's cool. We love you, Johnny. Rob,
we turn to you. That's cool. I actually know
somebody that got a bridge from 50 Highway. He
lives over off of old 50 Highway. He lives over
off of 7 and 50 Highway just to the south of
that. He has a farm. I used to work with him
all the time. His name's Steve. And they offered
a bridge. You know, they used to be like access
roads. They made them access roads. And then
they just got so dilapidated, they just shut
them down. And that was old 50 Highway when it
was two lanes. And then they built a new one,
four lanes, and they ditched the old road. Well,
this was an old bridge that they wanted to get
rid of, so they were offering it to anyone that
could take it. So Steve offered a moving company,
a big moving company, an excavating company,
to take it out of there, put it on a flatbed,
bring it to his large yard where he has a creek
in it, and put it over the creek. And it's cool.
And it's worked out ever since. It looks great
on his land. And it also serves a purpose. And
it saves taxpayer money for not having the state
to have to do the work. Yeah, yeah. I did it.
Yeah, that's a good idea to give it away. Yeah,
yeah, Steve did it perfectly, man. It's really
cool. Maybe I can get him to send me a picture
of it, and I'll send it to you. It's really cool.
All right. All right, Rob, you need a little
extra cash? How about being a car sitter? Charlotte
is her name. She's 29. A New York City transplant
from Seattle charges her New York neighbors up
to 50 an hour for a 90 minute car sitting session
during alternate parking hours. That would be
the designated dates for street cleaning. The
rules on those days are during the cleaning times,
you are to move your vehicle from one side of
the street to the other, allowing the machine
to clean the road. Anyone who does not comply
with this will receive steep fines. So it's worth
it. It's worth it for them to pay her. And she
makes a lot of extra money doing this. She does
this for a lot of people within her area that
she can get to and moves her car for them. I
would think that if I did this, I would probably
do it for a short amount of time. And I think
you know why, don't you? I would eat deviled
eggs and drink malt liquor the night before.
And I would hot box that car. Wouldn't you? Yes,
definitely. You would just light that up with
malt liquor and deviled eggs. Oh, that would
be fun. Yeah, I'd even give them $10 off for
the trouble of airing it out the car for hours.
I'm like, look, I know you're going to have to
have the car. I know you're going to have to
air it out for a couple hours at least and maybe
perfume it up. So here's $10 off. Instead of
$15 an hour, I'm only charging you $14 an hour.
That sounds fair, right? Yeah, that sounds fair.
Yeah, I always wanted to be a valet so I could
just take shits all over their cars and then
hotbox them. And then when they get in, you know,
that horrible... burnt baked fart smell hits
them right in the face when they open the door
so anyhow you know um yeah that's probably why
i'll never do it it's because i'll never make
money off of it because people will go that guy
farts in your car and it smells horrible don't
use them so um let's take our second break and
come back with some more stuff that sound good
That's what it's going to be. You watch the news.
It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable? We
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Grab a stake and practice making wild turkey
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a Loser. Are you an appendix? I don't know who
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Coffee flavored water doesn't sound good. But
that's exactly what coffee is. That is weird.
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cartridge. Our constant pursuit for a real knee
slapper. It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity. Parking space you see in the distance
actually contain a motorcycle. Two douchebags
and microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City
area operating at the Talk is Cheap studio. All
right. Rob, you got something you want to go
into? Yeah, first thing, do you realize how many
times I hear myself say that in my sleep? I'm
sorry. Yeah, it's got to be the same with me.
I mean, it just kept getting added on to, added
on to, added on to. But it's cool, though. You
got it down to a T now. I mean, you just blow
right through it. Like I said, I hear it multiple
times in my sleep. How can I not have it down?
I bet you do. Awesome. Okay. Cool. Yeah. I can
respect that. Yeah, I was wondering why he went
there, too. No, I did, too. Because, like, he
was a huge part of it, you know, Blues Brothers,
all that, yeah. That makes sense. I really respect
that. Cool. I did, too. And also, a lot of times,
I mean, kind of like Chevy Chase and the other
ones, too, a lot of times when they go private,
They don't wish to ever be in the spotlight again.
Have you noticed that? Yeah, that's true. Yeah,
there's something about that. Once they're used
to becoming an average Joe citizen, they don't
want anything to do with their previous lifestyle.
So, I get it. That's cool. Yeah, I get it. I
get it. I mean, I think that everything else
would just be like, all right, you know, I have
my fun. It's time for me to go sit on my, I don't
know, land in, I don't know, Montana or something,
you know, and just enjoy your life. You know,
go fishing, whatever, you know, go on trips to
Europe, whatever you want to do. I get it. I
got a little comparison here. Okay, this is not
meant to be really overly serious. It's just
food for thought, okay? A Big Mac in 1990 was
$2 .45. If you make it a value meal, it would
be $4 .49. Now in 2025, the lowest price for
a Big Mac alone was around $5 .79, but could
go up to $7 .54 depending on the area. A Big
Mac meal, lowest cost is $12. And it goes up
to $19 .79 depending on where you're at. This
illustrates the massive inflation the consumer
deals with. The average three bedroom home in
America in 1990 was $90 ,000 to $120 ,000. The
average cost of a three bedroom house in America
currently is around $402 ,000. The average wage.
In 1990, it was $28 ,000 and change. The average
wage in America in 2025 is $62 ,000 and change.
Now, let's compare percentages. 145 % the average
price of food increase from 1990 to 2025. 145%.
153 % average price of a three -bedroom home
from 1990 to 2025. The average price of gasoline
has went up 167%. Gasoline in America was $1
.15 in 1990. The current average price of gasoline
in America is $3 .19. And then you look at...
how wages went up and it's only in the teens.
Everything else went up 145, 157%. Wages went
up in the teens. So how are people getting by?
Probably credit cards. So I didn't mean to cast
a bunch of shit on this one, but I've had that
for a while and I finally just wanted to talk
about it a minute and say, you know, Yeah, the
American people are getting squeezed, there's
no doubt. Anyhow, Rob, go ahead and light this
bitch up a little bit. Lighten it up. Oh, I will.
I will. Okay, cool. Cool. Wow. Hmm. Yeah. Rob,
I have a weird question, but I think you'll remember
this. Okay. Atari's version of Pac -Man back
in the day was completely different than the
Namco Midway version. Or was it Midway? I forgot
who did it. I think it was Namco did it. Remember
the ones that you go to arcade? That Pac -Man
was completely different. So the Atari -style
Pac -Man that you can buy today, is that the
Atari graphics or is it the Namco graphics? Or
do you know? Well, that's got to be the Namco.
Okay, good. Good, because that's the ones that
you're used to going into the arcade and playing.
Okay, good. Because I did not like Atari's version
of it back in the day. I remember going, yeah,
you can play Pac -Man at home. Then you get an
Atari and it's like... This isn't the same. This
is stupid. Okay. Well, they didn't have the technology
at that point. Okay, so now they're going to
go ahead and do it differently because they can.
They're going to do it right. Okay. Yeah. All
right, all is forgiven. All is forgiven. It is
an anniversary special. Okay, yeah, that's good.
All right. You ever hear of a fluffy Coke? Alright,
just when I thought we couldn't get more creative
than soda spiked with syrup and half and half,
that's the dirty soda, TikTok had to go and prove
me wrong, introducing the newest soda trend,
Fluffy Soda. If the name doesn't already have
you intrigued, let me explain. Fluffy Soda is
a drink made with marshmallow fluff. The treat...
Features a thick spread of fluff around the sides
of a cup that's then filled with ice and your
soda of choice. What do you think so far? Sounds
alright. Yeah, to me, I wasn't overly crazy about
it. Yeah. Okay. That's alright. Alright. Okay.
Alright. Yeah. Okay. The treat... Still skeptical?
Well, it turns out the creation is grandma approved.
Opal's doing better. More specifically, it's
Meemaw approved. The combination originally went
viral after the TikTok creator, someone named
Not At, or something completely stupid like At,
made a fluffy coke with her grandma, Meemaw.
Since the video went viral, Hundreds of creators
have tried out the new trend with sodas like
Coke and Dr. Pepper. My verdict is, I'm not really
that big of a marshmallow fluff fan. And I'm
thinking that it really kind of sounds like it
would counter the flavor of the soda. You know
what I mean? Yeah. Having marshmallow fluff before.
and having, you know, Coke and Pepsi and Dr.
Pepper before, I don't see how that could congeal
and make anything very good at all. You? Yeah,
you got a good point there. Yeah, to me, it sounds
like it just would not be good. I mean, they
would clash, the flavors would clash, and I think
it'd be horrible, but I don't know, that's just
me. Yeah, I'm still yet to try the dirty soda,
and that sounds better than this garbage. Have
you tried the dirty soda? No, I have not tried
it yet, but you're right. I think I'd be more
happy to try the dirty. Yeah, I would too. That
sounds a little bit more like it might be more
bearable or it might even be somewhat okay. So,
all right, Rob, we turn to you. Okay. Okay. Oh.
That's how come I saw his photo online a couple
of times and I didn't, like, put it together.
Okay. Very cool. Like I said, I've been on the
water all weekend. I hadn't heard about it until
after I got home today. Okay. Wow. Oh, Rob, I
was going to ask you. I might as well just ask
you on here. Were you much of a Hulk Hogan fan?
I was not a big fan of him at all. And now he's
supposed to be all -American, eat your vegetables,
blah, blah, blah. Now he owns a beer company.
That's a good point. You see, when he was in
the ring wrestling, I loved him. After he left
WWE, no. Yeah. You know what? I would agree.
I wasn't a big fan of him anymore at all either.
I mean, I liked him somewhat. He wasn't my favorite
wrestler by any means, but I didn't dislike him.
My thing was a few things. He had sex with Bubba
the Love Sponge's wife at the time, Heather.
Yeah, it was approved, whatever arrangement they
had. I don't care. That's their business. Okay.
Then that tape came out, and he hated Bubba.
My opinion is, you do something like that, you
take a chance of it getting out one way or another,
whether it's tape or people talking about it
or eyewitnesses or something. When people find
out about it, you take that chance. So he did
it. He did the crime, but he acted like he shouldn't
have done the time. And he made millions off
of that. He had so many lawsuits on that. He
sued Gawker, shut them down, got a lot of money.
Then he sued a media company. I think they fired
Bubba over it, and I guess they had the tape
on their servers or something, from what I understand,
allegedly. And he sued them and got a big amount
of money. To me, he was playing innocent and
baby -facing when he had no business doing that.
And then he hated Bubba over that. I thought
that that was exceptionally disgusting. Because
I think the only reason he was so appalled by
it is he didn't want to turn over any money with
it. You know, he used to get on Bubba's show
all the time and ask for free tires and shit.
I had no respect for the guy. I didn't like him
at all. To me, in my opinion, I think he was
a piece of trash. Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes
out. Oh, yeah. Love God. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then, like you said, he comes
out with beer. Yeah. Okay. You love God so much.
Why are you trying to sell beer to people so
it can hurt him? I'm sorry. That, to me, is just
a typical hypocritical two -face. You can do
anything as long as there's money to be made.
So, yeah, this is all my opinion. That's the
way I feel about it. And I haven't liked him
in a long time. And in my opinion, I could see
through his bullshit. So, yeah, I know people
like that. I've seen people like that. People
go to church and pray, and then they go around
and they screw somebody their last dollar. They
won't pay them. They won't give them a raise
so their children can eat right. And then they
go to church and go, oh, I love God. Oh, yes,
I love God. No, they don't. They love money.
Money is their God. Only they do all this other
stuff to act like money is not their God. So,
anyhow, I'm off of my rant here. I think we all
know them, and I think everybody knows who the
type of person I'm talking about. Yeah, whenever
people question them, they go, well, what about
you making us obscene prophets? I'm a godly man.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just making a living
for my family, that's all. It says you've got
to do that in the Bible. You've got to take care
of your family. So calm down there, son. I'm
just doing what the Bible says. Oh, screwing
people over and making them not live well? Ah,
okay. All right. That's what it's about? I don't
think so. So, another thing is, you know what,
I'm not even going to go into it. There's a lot
of other stuff I could go into, but I'm not going
to. So, anyhow, Rob, do you want to keep going,
or do you got a full day of work tomorrow? No,
I'm on vacation, brother. Oh, okay. You want
to keep going? I'm on vacation this week. Yeah.
All right. We've got a little bit longer. I mean,
yes, I am. Okay. I can relax. I can sleep in
in the morning. Okay, cool. All right. Do you
got a story or do you want me to go into one?
No, I got one here. All right. I got one here.
All right. Go ahead, my friend. Aaron Rodgers
threw an interception with his very first pass
at training camp with the Steelers. I love it.
Me too. He goes on to say, anybody that's watched
me practice over the years, you like to try certain
throws at certain times, and nobody that's watched
me in the games knows I've been pretty stellar
taking care of the football over the years, the
quarterback said. That is good, and that's classic,
you know? Love it. To me, it's almost like he
did it on purpose just to get publicity. Yeah.
He probably didn't, but, man, think about what
a good way to get publicity. Everyone in the
world is going to be going, guess what Aaron
Rodgers did? I don't know what. He threw an interception
the first pass. Oh, no shit. Awesome, you know?
So who knows? He probably didn't, but man, it
would be a great gimmick if he did, wouldn't
it? Yes, it would. All right. Pepsi, you know,
the cola makers and other things, Gatorade, I
forgot. They have waters, all kinds of stuff.
They even have Frito -Lay brands. All right.
Pepsi launches a new prebiotic cola after they
acquired Poppy. um the other prebiotic another
prebiotic brand on july 21st the corporation
introduced pepsi prebiotic cola a product is
calling a reinvention and an evolution of its
signature soda and this is a good idea for him
because the their signature soda is keeps sagging
i mean i think it's number four now it went from
a solid number two and they're kind of on coke's
heels i mean No one's near Coke, but if anyone
was close to them, it was Pepsi. And then they
lost out to Dr. Pepper. Then they lost out to
Sprite. Pepsi is losing favor in America, well,
in the world. So they have to do something. Launching
in two flavors, original cola and cherry vanilla,
Pepsi prebiotic cola aims to reflect the tastes
and values of modern soda drinkers who are increasingly
buying healthier, or healthier -seeming sodas.
PepsiCo says 12 -ounce cans of Pepsi prebiotic
cola contain 5 grams of cane sugar, which is
a great idea, cane sugar and only 5 grams, 30
calories, 3 grams of prebiotic fiber, and no
artificial sweeteners, which is another great
idea. For context, a can of lollipop contains
9 grams of prebiotic fiber. While a can of poppy
has two grams. It's a good idea, but I still
think I'm giving it about three to four months
and it'll disappear. Because I believe this,
Rob, and tell me whether you agree with it or
not. I want to hear your opinion. I think that
people that drink soft drinks don't give one
ounce of shit about a prebiotic drink. What do
you think? Yeah, that's why they consume 150
calorie can with 36 grams of corn syrup in it.
They obviously don't care about a prebiotic drink.
You know, I think it's a great idea for Pepsi.
They have to do something. I mean, like I said,
they're falling out. I mean, they are really,
you know, they're not in favor like they used
to be. I mean, people just don't care for them
like they used to. So they have to do something.
This is not going to work. And I think the reason
they bought the Poppy brand is, from what I read,
they don't own the, they can't like really produce
it because like the original formula, the original
owner owns. And it's speculation like they bought
it to end it, like no more Poppy or something
like that. And then bring out the prebiotic or
maybe call it Pepsi, Poppy, Poppy Pepsi or something.
I don't know. So, anyhow, we'll see what happens,
and we'll see if that's true about that. All
right, Rob, you got something? Yeah, I do. Okay.
Iconic country singer Ronnie McDowell shared
a hopeful update following surgery to clear plaque
from his carotid artery just weeks after suffering
a stroke during a concert. Oh, wow. Okay. McDowell,
75, was hospitalized. stroke on june 12th while
performing at the summer solstice music festival
in holy pennsylvania okay but i said that right
um i said who cares they'll figure it out if
not they can look it up Okay. Okay. No stint?
Wow. Okay. That's excellent. He's recovering
at home, getting better each day. So I'm glad
to hear that. So am I. That's excellent. Good.
I'm glad he's doing well. Yeah, he's known for
songs like Older Women. Make Beautiful Lovers.
Yeah, I know who he is. Yeah, I've always liked
him. I mean, he's never been like the upper,
upper guy, but he's always had good songs and
people knew of him and, you know. Sounds cool.
I'm glad he's doing okay. I thought he'd be older
than 75, though. He'd been around forever. But
that's cool. All right. 75. All right. Rob, you
want to cut it out? Actually, yeah, I'm getting
a little tired, brother. All righty. All right,
brother. I only have one story left, so I was
getting kind of worried. Yep. Yep. That's what
we do here. We make garbage for your ear holes.
It says it on my Facebook and Instagram page.
So there you go. All right. Everybody. Oh, Grandma
Opal is doing better. She's not out of the hospital
yet, but she's doing better. So we are going
to keep praying for her and we love her. And
Jimmy said that he plays it for her. I think
I already said that. He plays it for her. He
comes in the hospital room, and he plays it for
her out of his phone with a Bluetooth speaker,
and she loves it. Only they have to keep it down
a little bit because we do get naughty a little,
and it's a hospital. He did mention that, and
I forgot to try to keep it cleaner this time.
It is what it is, Jimmy. Thank you. Anyhow, thanks,
everybody. Shout out to Albuquerque. Oh, yes,
yes. Thank you. Thank you all for listening.
Have a good night. Good night, assholes. Good
night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll
be back invading your ear holes soon.