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One and a half ounces of fresh wine juice. Garnish
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Two douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark here
in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap
studio. Yes. He will be in the duck blind studio
after his son leaves, which is what, next week?
Hopefully next week. Well, supposedly get it
tomorrow. The apartment tomorrow. Oh, good. Good.
Good for him. Yeah. But then I got a little fixing
up to do. Yeah. So it's going to be a week or
two. Oh, okay. So I'm making new. I came back
to my original spot. All right. Good. So you're
in the alternate duck blind studio. Okay, cool.
In the bunker. The cave. In the bunker in Camdenton,
Missouri, right? The secret bunker? The only
way you can get in? Yeah, well, there is a cave
in the bunker. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay.
Yes, yes. And the only way to get in is the secret
door knock. If you don't know it, you're not
getting in, right, Rob? Oh, okay. The first defense
is a golden lab, and then there's a secret knock.
And if you don't know the secret knock, forget
it. He's not letting you in. That's right. All
right. Okay, Rob, do you remember those old skits
on TV, like comics and cartoons and stuff? And
it was like a duel or something, and the guy
that was winning said, prepare to die, right?
Yeah. You know, I always thought, what, you need
to straighten up your, you know, straighten up
your color to look good dead or something. You
know, your color. I said color. Straighten up
your color to look good dead or, you know, or
I don't know, maybe unruffle your shirt a little
bit. You know, make sure there's nothing on your
face. It's such an odd thing, right? Prepare
to die. Well, OK. Well, our good buddies, Gen
Z. are now doing something like that. They're
flaunting viral World War III camo outfits online.
So this is unique. I like it. They're making
a little bit of ha -ha out of it, and they're
kind of like, okay, we're all going to die. We're
going to look good. Committed to looking bomb
amid the mounting friction between the U .S.
and Iran and everybody else, carefree Zoomers
are curating cutesy World War III ensembles ahead
of the potential bloodshed. What I'm wearing
to World War III, Paulina, a New York City influencer,
wrote in her closed captions of a vid donning
an oversized military camouflage shirt following
a few quick fit changes in platinum. blonde went
to pose in a camo -inspired bikini meant to distract
the enemy. Which is a good idea. Before flaunting
mini -shorts paired with a chunky belt, a brown
one -shoulder shirt, and an army -fatigued jacket,
and Paulina's no -loan soldier in the doomsday
dressing charge. It's a contemporary but controversial
Gen Z fad that's been hailed Both iconic and
idiotic. And I would call them both, wouldn't
you? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I love the thought of
this. It's like, you know, they're... They're
having fun with it. And I think in tense times
like this, if there's nothing you can do about
it, right? There's nothing you or I can do about
it, okay? If it's World War III, so be it. We're
not stopping it. Nothing we say is going to make
any type of difference at all. You might as well
just have fun with it. Because whatever's going
to happen is going to happen, right? And this
sounds like what they're doing. So, in the days
since Israel's preemptive strike against Iran
on June 13th, prompting President Trump to target
three of the nation's nuclear facilities a couple
Saturdays ago, 20 -somethings have turned the
turmoil into TikTok tomfoolery, armed with pop
star Keisha's hit track Blow as a soundtrack
to their social media silliness and hashtag WW3
as their... unifying tag, goofball youngsters
are making light of the mayhem with military
draft jokes and overseas shopping quips. Is this
going to affect my shooting? Yeah, I keep making
fun of them draft jokes, guys. That part, that
part. It should come true and you don't know
what it's like. Exactly. We do. Yeah. So, yeah,
you know, the draft thing, you know, Remember
Reagan installed the draft again, right? It wasn't
like you're going to get drafted. No one's been
drafted ever since that. But he made you register.
I believe you still register. So, you know, they
know where you are. So if something comes up.
During the first Gulf War, they were starting
the draft again, too. Okay. So it never really
went away then. They've been doing it. Yeah.
Okay. That's what I thought. Yeah, because I
was sweating balls the first Gulf War. I mean,
I wanted to go in two years before, but by the
time the war started, I was married and had a
six -month -old baby. So, yeah, I was kind of
taken out of the draft because I only had one
child. I was like third in line or something.
I was way down there. I wouldn't have been the
first pick. I would have got someone a little
bit younger than me. So I had an eye on it, but
not that much. Not like you. You're a couple
years younger than me, so you're kind of like,
I don't know, man. I might be the first one on
the pecking order. I was like three down, so
I wasn't that worried about it. But these guys,
Zoomers, I know they're having fun and everything,
but you're right. True. True. At any time, the
United States could go, you know what? We don't
know what's coming up. We've got a lot of serious
things going on. We could go ahead and just draft
you guys and throw you in the Army in case anything
happened. And that's why my dad, my introduced
dad, when he went in the Navy, it was like 1968.
I agree. I agree. Okay. Very cool. Yeah, no,
I get the theory on that or the thought on that,
too. It's like, you know, I'm going to pick where
I'm going if I'm going to go, and I think I would
have done the same thing. You know, I would have
been like, I don't know, Coast Guard or something
like that. Something of the sea, I think, is
what I would do because I love the sea. Navy.
Yep, Navy probably, something like that. So,
you know, anyhow, I can go ahead and wrap that
up. But it's an interesting thought. about it
but it just kind of reminded me of back you know
when we saw those old cartoons and stuff and
the guy would come up with a duel and he'd go
prepare to die and i always thought what the
fuck how do you prepare to die you know making
sure you know your collar's straight making sure
your hair's not messy you know i've been like
you know what if i'm gonna die fuck it whatever
you know i don't care what i look like you know
they'll straighten all that shit up at the funeral
home right so yeah so Anyhow, on a little bit
different note, San Pellegrino Water from Italy.
It's in a can or bottles. They have a new line
of water called Chow. Spelt the Italian way.
So, they have this commercial that literally
runs for eight minutes. This thing had to have
cost a fortune. And let me explain. The ad has
two of the main characters from The Sopranos.
Michael Imperioli, who played Christopher, and
Stephen Sharippa, who played Bobby. These two
couldn't have been cheap to hire, number one.
The video is well written and produced. The guys
were, of course, mob guys in the HBO series,
so this commercial is no different. It's right
along those lines. They find this cargo on the
shipping docks, probably in Jersey, I would guess,
because that's where they were supposedly out
of on the fictional characters. Or some of them
might have been somewhat true from what I heard.
It had a letter attached to it that said, from
Italy with love, please give to your friends.
This was numerous pallets of chow water from
San Pellegrino, which is great water. I've never
had the chow line, but I love their regular water.
And this is sparkling water that they get from
Italy that they ship over here. and that's where
they got the thing from Italy Would Love, their
little tagline here. They go all around trying
to give this gift to random people, but all seem
to run off thinking there's strings attached,
like you're in debt to the mob guys if you take
the stuff and all that. And like I said, it's
really funny and very well written, and these
two play really good together on a comedic level.
They didn't do so much in the series, but on
this commercial, they're really kind of i don't
know not slapstick but they really kind of show
different personality and i don't know if a lot
of people would notice that like i did but i
was like you know this is pretty cool because
it's it's coming out with you know the base of
the whole show and two of the biggest guys on
there but It's kind of like comedy. They're trying
to give away, you know, they find this, you know,
San Pellegrino water and they're trying to give
it away to people. And everybody's like running
off and screaming and all that stuff. So I'm
just saying if you see this commercial, it's
worth the eight minutes to watch. You know, you'll
never see it on the Super Bowl because eight
minutes would be probably a billion dollars on
the Super Bowl, right? Oh, yeah, about that.
Yeah. Yeah. And it may just be online, too, for
all I know, because eight minutes is still a
lot. For a commercial. You know, you would have
to have one commercial break during anything.
Like, let's say it's on America's Got Talent,
and you take eight minutes off of that, I'll
bet you you're running into the millions, wouldn't
you think? A primetime... Oh, for sure. Yeah,
a primetime show like that. So it could be internet
only. So I'm saying, you know, if you get a chance...
Watch this. It's funnier than hell, and you also
see a side of these two actors, movie stars,
whatever, if you will. A side to them that's
really cool that you didn't really get to visit
before. I listened, they've done a podcast together,
and I forgot the name of it, but it was, they
were explaining their thoughts on this series
in certain episodes. They went through every
episode and described what they thought it meant
because there are a lot of little sub... Subtitle,
little sub -subject lines, all different kinds
of stuff, little nuances, all kinds of things
in the show. And they were describing what they
thought they meant, what they were, and all that.
And they were pretty funny on there, too. So
if you get to see this commercial, or if you
see it somewhere, if you've got eight minutes,
I suggest you watch it. It's great. So I'm going
to go on here. Rob, what is it about Table Rock
Lake and severe weather? I don't know. You know
what I'm getting at, right? Well, actually, I
don't think it's just Table Rock. I think a lot
of the lakes attract it. Well, yesterday was
a surprise pop -up severe storm. It capsized
six boats with 70 -mile -an -hour winds. Did
you see that? Oh, you didn't know about that.
Okay. No, I haven't heard that. We were going
through our own weather. Oh, yeah, you guys had
some pretty rough stuff there, too, didn't you?
Okay. Even though I went to a firework display
last night. Yeah, it was fun. That's cool. It
ended up being a mud run afterwards. I'm sure
it was. No, all the vehicles, because we all
parked in a field. Oh, yeah. There was a couple
of trucks that were just spinning their tires,
trying to get out. Oh, man. A couple of kids.
A couple of kids. Oh, yeah, yeah. Didn't he have
four -wheel drive? Yeah, that's what I was saying.
If you're sitting up that tall, you should have
four -wheel drive. Yes. No, people had to push
him out. He wasn't locking. Did he not lock in
his tires? Yeah. Sounds about right, Rob. Outside
Lebanon, Missouri. That sounds about right, too.
I love Lebanon. I've been through there a lot
of times. It was a great show. It really was.
Bennett Springs area. Beautiful area. No, everybody
calls Lebanon Venice. It's, what, 20 minutes
or something, maybe. I don't know. But everybody
calls it. We were outside Lebanon. Yeah, we were.
Oh, okay. I got you. Yeah. Okay. So, anyhow,
Table Rock Lake. This is the same lake that the
Ride the Ducks boat was submerged during a quick
pop -up severe storm with 70 -mile winds as well.
So, it always seems to be Table Rock Lake. I
know Palm De Tar gets it. I know Lake of the
Ozark gets horrible weather. Stockton, all of
the Missouri big lakes get severe weather. But
for some reason, Table Rock is the one where
all these ones capsize and people get hurt or
die. Ride the Ducks, everybody on that damn thing
died. Yes. There wasn't one survivor. So I was
just wondering about that. It's just odd that
they're all on Table Rock, you know. It's a gorgeous
lake, but if I was on that lake, I would never
be. far from shore. I'll tell you that right
now. Because I don't know what it is. Is it because
of the contour of the mountains that you can't
see the storms coming in, possibly? Well, not
just the contour, but I think the water is a
little colder. Oh, do you think it attracts that
instability? So the cold air from the spring
water is rising. Yeah, I think that probably
attracts it. I'm just guessing. I don't know.
You know what, Rob? Rob, that makes as much sense
as anything I can think of. But it makes sense.
It does. It does. Because the air over it would
be cooler. And that would also have a severe
storm or a bad storm turn severe because that
cold air below rising above. And it would help.
Yes, that may be it, Rob. I don't know. But all
I know is Table Rock Lake has the worst luck
like that. Yeah, they do. I think a couple people
died yesterday. But that would explain it because
that water is cold. Yes, Table Rock Lake, you
can't hardly swim. Well, if it's like 110 degrees
out, you can swim in it. But other than that,
forget it. It's too cold. Yeah, you're lucky
to get in the water from Memorial Day weekend.
Yes. I mean, Labor Day weekend. Labor Day weekend.
It's too cold. I know. It's crazy to think that.
I've been at that lake before. It's a spring
fed lake. I've been at that lake before and jumped
in part of it. And it was during the summer,
90 degrees, and it was too cold to hang out in
there. Yeah, it's pretty interesting. I'll bet
you that could be a really good reason why that
happened. You see, I was thinking, you know,
the mountains surround that lake, right? Yeah,
see, it fills that bowl, plus that cold air,
really cold air coming up out of that bowl. Okay,
my thinking was they couldn't see the weather
coming in, but I see what you're saying. It comes
in a bad storm, but not a severe storm that would
capsize everything. It goes over the lake, and
it intensifies and knocks everything over and
then leaves. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, because
it's coming over the hills, and once it hits
the lake, it just opens up. Because it's like
flat ground. Uh -huh. And then you add that colder
air to build as it's coming. Yeah, it's going
to roll through there. I mean, that's the way
I'm saying it. You know what, Rob? That makes
sense to me. I'm going to go with that. Because
all I know is that lake right there is particularly
horrible for boating accidents due to weather.
Yeah, I used to live down around there, too.
And these are just the weather. These ones have
been, this one was just in the news two days
ago or the day that you had all that rain. It
was in the news then. So there's a lot of other
times it happens too, but you don't hear it because
it's one or two boats. But this one was like
a pop -up severe storm, 70 mile winds come out
of nowhere and knocked over six boats. And I
think it got, it clipped like three people and
injured a few more. So, yeah. You will read about
it because it was big news up here, so I know
it's news there. So Topher and I did the Music
Creeps and Sports Bastards live from the city
market Sunday morning. And we would have called
you, but I don't have a Bluetooth. I haven't
got it in the fucking mail yet. They keep holding
off on it. They kept going, oh, we're going to
ship it Tuesday. Thursday and I still haven't
got it so I couldn't call you to have you partake
in it because I finally had a Sunday off. Topher
and I got fleeced on parking though. The city
of Kansas City has a new scam currently and yes
I think to me it's a scam. It's dynamic parking
due to popular times. I'm struggling to see why
the hell someone would spend six bucks an hour
to go buy a few heads of lettuce and some bananas.
You know and here's what they do. Topher and
I got there. We go to the parking meter. It's
$2 for two hours. But you can only buy two hours
at a time. We run out there to do the parking
meter again, and it's $6 for two hours. Yes,
it's dynamic parking is what they call it. Dynamic
parking means it fluctuates on the need and availability.
So since this was closer, you know, daylight
and people are coming down there to shop and
go, you know, see the fair because they have
fair stuff going on and crafts. People are coming
down there. So they hiked the price up, tripled
it. And to me, that's bullshit. Because like
I said, a lot of people go down there to buy
a few bananas and maybe some cherries this time
of year, a couple of muskmelon, watermelon, right?
They're not going to do that if they got to spend
six bucks an hour parking. They're just going
to go to the grocery store because you're not
getting that big of a deal. Usually you pay a
little bit more at the city market. The whole
design behind it is you help small local farmers
feed their families and you get something fresh
that hasn't been rolled in on a truck from wherever.
That's the whole idea of it. But to me, Kansas
City has just destroyed it by charging too much
for parking. And to me, that's criminal. So,
you know, the market had people shopping, but
not like it used to be. And this is largely due
to the bullshit parking scheme they got going
on. And I know it is because I've heard enough
people saying that. They're like, you know, I
go down there on a Sunday. I used to all the
time. But I'm not going if they're going to charge
me six, seven bucks an hour. So. Yeah, so I get
it. So that's all I'm going to go into. I've
got a lot of other stuff, but that's all I really
want to get into. Do you want to get into the
show any, or you've got something else you want
to talk about? No, no. I was going to dive into
the show. I went and seen Saturday Night. Great
pictures from there. Great pictures. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, dude. If you haven't seen the pictures
on Facebook, go to Two Douchebags on my Facebook
page. picture, well, actually a video of one
of the members of Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Her name is Molly Healy. She is the fiddle player.
She actually opened the show. And it is a fiddle.
So she was the opening act and then played with
you. She was the main opener. And she is a fiddle
player, not a violin player. A fiddle is played
different than a violin. Yes, fiddle. Fiddle
is a violin played different. I'll tell you what.
Everybody check her out, Molly Healy. This girl
is fabulous. I've seen her. She's quick. She
is fast. She played for a... Who was it? I think
she might have played for like Bruce Dickinson
live when he was doing his solo stuff. She's
played for some other people. I know that. She's
with Ozark Mountain Daredevils now. Yeah, she's
really fast. They say it's their final tour.
They've announced this is their final tour. That's
why I went. Because it's the last time I get
the one and only time. That would be great. Good.
But yeah, they're just done touring because they're
too old. I mean, Doc is, I believe, 81. There's
only like two original members left, you know?
Yeah. Yes. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Mm -hmm. Cool. Yeah,
they are just amazing, and I didn't realize how
amazing they really were until I heard them live.
Well, like I told you before the podcast, I know
people that are into them, and so I'm familiar
with them, and I've known they are tight. They
sound really good live. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I couldn't
believe it. Oh, and then the best part of the
show, which is also on the Facebook page, my
seat was right next to the cameraman. That was
cool. I told you to piss on them. Yeah, I should
read the text to you, but Mark told me to pee
on them. I thought I just reached out, accidentally
unplug them. They lose the camera. They lose
half the sound equipment. I'm glad I didn't because
I got to talk to the cameraman. He was pretty
cool. If you piss on them, they can't prove anything.
They could think it was a beer that someone spilled
that rolled down, and then it shorts everything
out. But, yeah, it's a good thing you didn't.
Did you see the picture? Yeah. Did you see how
close my hand was to them? Yeah. Yeah, I could
have easily reached down, unplugged it, brought
my hand right back up. Yeah. They would have
not known a damn thing. Hell no, until everything
quit working. And I'll tell you what, they are
some of the best people. The people that help
you find your seats, you know, the regular security,
the vendors. Like I said, the camera guy, man,
me and him were sitting there chatting for a
little bit. That's cool. He's just starting to
check out the show. Oh, excellent. Cool. And
break us up. And cameraman, when you listen to
us, hopefully you listen to this episode, write
us, 2douchesatmail .com. Let us know what you
think. 2douchesatmail .com. M -A -I -L. Not mail
as in like a boy, but mail as in email. Mail
.com. 2douchesatmail .com. And I also got yelled
at for not giving out the new email enough. Right.
Right, right. Which the person is right. I keep
thinking about every other day. Yeah, the person
is right. I have not been giving it out very
well. All right. Do you want to come back and
cover some emails? Yeah, sounds good. All right.
Also, I've got some ass paddling later on if
we get to them. We may do it tomorrow night.
We'll see. All right. Okay. Be right back. Mankind.
Are we predisposed to violence? There have been
close to 8 ,700 wars from 3 ,200 BC to 2 ,000
AD. Some studies suggest there might even have
been over 100 ,000 wars over the history of the
Earth. A clue may lie in the study of rats. Yes,
I said rats. A social isolation study has shown
that social isolation in rats can increase aggressive
behavior. Rats exhibit higher levels of aggression
when exposed to stressful situations. Stress
can lead to increased anxiety -like behaviors
and trigger the release of stress hormones, which
can contribute to aggressive actions. One well
-known study, Universe 25, by John Calhoun, involved
housing rats in a utopian environment with unlimited
resources except for space. As the population
grew and became overcrowded, the rats exhibited
increased violence, abnormal social behaviors,
and neglect or attack of their young. Genetic
factors. Some studies suggest a link between
inborn anxiety levels and aggression. Rats with
extreme levels of anxiety have been shown to
display higher aggression, including abnormal
aggressive behavior like attack in vulnerable
body parts. Dopamine and serotonin. Aggression
in rats is linked to changes in neurotransmitter
systems, particularly dopamine and serotonin.
These studies have shown that winning aggressive
encounters can increase dopamine turnover in
the nucleus accumbens, which is associated with
reward. Additionally, low serotonin levels have
been linked to aggressive behavior. Introduce
an unfamiliar rat into an established group can
cause aggression, particularly when the intruder
is perceived as a threat. Studies have also shown
that aggressive rats may exhibit reduced activity
in the frontal lobe of the brain. and increase
levels of aggression. And now, Deep Thoughts
with Mark. How does a butterfly take a dump?
It never stops long enough. Maybe it just shits
while lofting. Maybe it shits real quick while
chewing flowers. Hmm. I may never know. Ah! I
think we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're
safe. Oh, no. It's the island of horrible jokes.
What did the coach say to the vending machine?
Give me my quarterback. Next up, things overheard
in hell. Dishwater has the top ten spots on Billboard
Hot 100. Watch the news. It looks grim. Is an
apocalypse inevitable? We suggest you download
all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple
mobile chargers. We have the most apocalypse.
This is a list of medium -term food storage,
bulk staple food items, rice, pasta, flour, spices
beans canned meat pickled vegetables dried fruit
instant potatoes boxed or canned food peanut
butter jerky energy protein bars oils sauces
and condiments in the fast food type packaging
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the
Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful
angle arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the old Duck
Blind studio. Buddy, we'll be back to the new
one in a couple of weeks. Thank you, my son.
I love you. Okay, so I had a few people email
me, and thank you for your input. The new technical
description guy, people like him. Good. Yeah.
Do you like it? Yes, I do. Yeah. Yeah, and that's
a guy that describes stuff by its technical or
scientific name. You know, like the salt one,
the first one, the inaugural one about salt.
Yeah. You know, it's sodium chloride. So when
the guy says sodium chloride, the other guy,
you know. It says, hey, just say salt, you dumb
motherfucker, or something like that. People
seem to like it, so thank you. I appreciate the
compliments on it. I like the segment quite a
bit. But I've got so many different ones coming
out now. I've got a new one that I'm working
on. I've got everything written out. I've just
got to get the AI voices to do what I want them
to do. And so this one is called... Stupid Things
for Stupid People. And you'll get the gist of
it when you get the kickoff one, probably on
this show. On this show will be the inaugural
one. I've just got to get to the recording part
of it. But this is Stupid Things People Will
Partake In Because They're Stupid People. Or
something like that. So, all right. We have some
emails, Rob. All right, sounds good. Okay. Mark
and Rob, could you give me a list of the all
-time favorite concerts and why? Seven, please,
Ronnie, and Tulsa, the Tulsa King. I may have
sent this to you before. I'm not sure, but I'm
revisiting it if I have. Did he send it to us
before? Yeah, yeah, we have done that, but I
now have another one to add to the list. Okay,
and it wasn't Ronnie who sent it to us, was it?
Oh, it was? Okay, well, all right. Yeah, we'll
do it again, Ronnie. No big deal. Well, it was
either one of our list or it was one of Tulsa
King's. Oh, maybe. Oh, well, it doesn't matter.
Yeah, next episode. I do remember doing that.
I do remember doing that. But, yeah, we'll do
it. Okay. Not tomorrow night. Not tomorrow night.
I'm not going to have time. How about next summer?
Everybody, just a fair warning. I'm working six
to four this week, so. Okay. We're just glad
you're with us, Rob. Yeah, Ronnie, not tomorrow.
Next Sunday's podcast, right? Yeah, next Sunday.
All right. And we will gladly do it, and we don't
care if we've done it before. We'll do anything
for you, your royalty. And actually, I think
I remember last time I was unhappy with my list
after I said them because I thought of two concerts
that I forgot about. But anyhow, that's okay.
I want to battle with Clint. I'm the original
petulant emailer. I go back all the way to Montrose.
I request a fishing duel with Clint, carp only.
He will be quickly destroyed. Mitch in South
Central Cass County Water District No. 2 near
the picturesque... Blake Freeman. Damn, I don't
have my gavel. I've got an observation. Let's
see if this will work. There we go. That work?
Yep. So it will happen. The gavel has hit. Clint
has no choice. He gets my buddy. All right. Mitch
is pretty... I don't know who Mitch is. He's
using words like... Petulant, which is kind of
like childish or something like that. And he
also used the word picturesque on this email.
Yeah. He's trying to act like a good old boy
from Freeman. I don't think he is. I don't think
good old boy from Freeman uses petulant and picturesque.
I don't think he uses those two words. What do
you think? I guess it's possible. I don't know.
Well, anyhow, Mitch, we love you. It is 2025,
man. Yeah, all right. It's not the 80s no more.
Okay. Mitch, we love you regardless. So there
you go. This one, I don't... Someone's motherfucking
both of us. Hey, this is Blackie Lawless. Mark
never looked like me. Rob is an idiot. I think
Rob looked like Paul Simon on acid in a dress
while eating a greasy chicken leg. It was not
signed by anybody. You look like Paul Simon on
acid in a dress while eating a greasy chicken
leg. Any rebuttal, Rob? Okay. That kind of takes
me out of the Paul Simon category. There you
go. The greasy chicken. We did work for RC. Yeah,
the chicken. Yeah, you had a chicken place. We
did grab their chicken every now and then. Yeah.
Okay. Hell, they used to fix that for us at Justin
Jim's for dinner. Yeah, they did. Yeah. Okay.
They grabbed some chicken. How about on acid
in a dress? No. It said you look like Paul Simon
on acid in a dress while eating a greasy chicken
leg. So what about the acid in dress? Is that
a yay or nay? Could have happened back then maybe?
Okay, well, whoever you are that didn't sign
this, you got most of it correct then. I mean,
come on. Come on. To this day, I have a one cloth.
Okay. Okay. Unknown rider. Unknown rider. Thank
you. You are correct. Next. Okay. This goes from
chicken leg to turkey sandwich. I don't know
why. So. Ron. Okay, Rob. You have a turkey sandwich
on buttermilk toasted bread, a slice of American
cheese, lettuce, and tomato slice. Mayo or Miracle
Whip? Asking for a friend. Phineas J. Elkingham
IV. People are fucking with us. Miracle Whip.
Miracle Whip. Gotta have that tank. Gotta have
that tank. This Phineas J. Elkingham is making
fun of my Phineas J. Voltarez. I know. So I can
answer that. These, these emails, a good majority
of them are playful. I like this. I think people
are having fun. Okay. And here's a serious one.
And I wish I had an answer, but I don't. Well,
I do, but it's going to take a little bit. Hey
guys, where do I find season one through four?
I'd love to listen to them. My understanding
is the Topher guy from sports and the music shows
was the original host, Tony and Richmond. Yeah,
yeah. We started this off 2022 from the city
market on Wednesdays. So now we do those two.
We do the sports and the music podcast usually
Tuesdays or Wednesdays on my day off from the
city market. And Rob assumed the douchebags.
So Rob was our number one caller. Just give a
little history, and then I'll go into how I can
maybe get the first four seasons for everybody.
Okay, I have season three to four, but okay.
And Topher has the first two, so first three.
No, yeah, the first two. So I can get them all,
but I've got to find a place to put them for
people to take them, because RSS only has a certain
amount of limited space that you can put podcasts
on, so ours routinely run off of the board, per
se. Rob was our number one caller at the city
market. Topher had to drop out for a little bit
of doing a podcast, and Rob was good enough to
join me and become a co -host. So now, instead
of just being two douchebags and microphone,
we're the sports bastards and music creeps, with
Christopher being at Topher being able to come
back. He's able to come back and do a couple
of shows a week. And Rob is able to do a couple
of shows a week. And I help out with all four
of them. So that's where you got this. And also
for those that don't know, me and Mark go back
to 1985. Mark Spitt. Yep. He's right. We do.
So I'm working on the season one through three.
Topher has them. He gave them to me on a scan
drive. I have every one of them. I just have
to find a website probably to put them on, probably
our own, kind of like the one I used to have.
I still have the name 2douchebagsandmicrophone
.net. I still have that, so I can always use
that. But the problem is I don't have enough
time to web design myself. I think I could do
it, but I have a lot of studying to do and all
that. But the thing is... There'd probably be
no way we could download Facebook with her. Yeah,
yeah. Well, Facebook, I tried to download it.
They have too many rules for us, so... Yeah,
okay. So, anyhow. So, we're working on it, okay?
What was his name? Tony Enrichment, thank you.
And I think that's Richmond, Missouri. I guess
it could be Virginia. I don't know. Well, Tony,
thank you. We will have them up eventually. Thank
you, Johnny. Yeah, they're really raw and they
sound a lot different than we do now. We kind
of developed our own style as we went along,
good or bad. And that's what we kind of stuck
to. So, all right. Mark, you got me with the
memories last show. I didn't listen to KT -102.
KY -102, but close enough. I didn't listen to
KT -102, but rather listened to Dr. Demento on
Turbo 106 in Twin Lake Falls. I have no idea
where that's at. The show was also aired Sunday
night, but at 11 p .m., and I also listened when
I was supposed to be sleeping. I never got caught,
but my brother did. He never turned me in. I
would love to know where to find the archives
the emailer was speaking about. Thanks, Horace
in Nebraska. Was the emailer talking about it,
or were we talking about going to the archives
and listening to them? Oh, well, you know what?
It doesn't matter. You can look them up online.
I forgot the name of it, but you can find them.
And also, YouTube has a ton of them, too. It
just depends on what you want to hear and how
far back you go. Some of the older, older episodes,
I don't know if you can get. But the ones maybe
late 90s on, you can get freely all over the
Internet. You just got to search and find them.
So do you ever listen to the archives, Rob, or
not? No, not really. Okay. All I'm lucky about
is the new ones. Well, I never, Sunday at 1030,
I never, I guess it's still on Sunday at 1030.
I don't know, actually. But I, oh wait, KY102
isn't around anymore. What am I saying? So I'm
pretty sure they have an online outlet of the
shows when they're live and also have them archived.
So you can find it because I had archived shows
before and YouTube has a bunch of them too. So
you can find them. Just do a search. All right.
Mark, will you snap a picture of your pinball
game? I'd love to see it. Post it on the Facebook
show page. Please, Ross in Springfield. I don't
have one. I don't have room in here. I never
said I had one. I said I wanted one. You have
your video yet? Yeah, I have the video. Oh, that's
probably what they're thinking of. Yeah. I can
post a picture of that. I don't care. Well, we
kept talking about the ball game. Okay. up less
room. Yeah, a pinball game I have absolutely
no room for. I get it. I have a home. I understand.
I've got to decorate mine too. Yeah, I would
love to have a pinball game, but it's just not
feasible right now. That's all the emails. Rob,
you got something? Yeah, I do. I'm going to go
into Jake Paul. Okay. Hmm. All right. YouTuber
Jake Paul improved his boxing record to 12 -1
on Saturday night by defeating Julio Cesar Chavez
Jr. via unanimous decision. Mm -hmm. Paul was
clearly in control for much of the fight while
Chavez wasn't very active. Chavez only threw
63 punches over the first seven rounds, landing
21 of them. He didn't land a single punch in
round one, and only connected on nine over the
first five. It wasn't until the last few rounds
that Chavez came alive. Cool. Because of his
lackluster list of previous opponents. Oh, I've
been saying this for a long time. His last fight,
he defeated Mike Tyson, 58 years old. Yeah. This
fight, Chavez well past his prime. Paul's 11
years younger. Wow. Wow. Oh, wow. And say how
they're right, you know. Uh -huh. And there's
a short list of boxers that want to take him
on. But we're waiting to see who the next one's
going to be. Mm -hmm. Yeah, I can't take him
seriously. I can tell you that right now. Yeah.
Hadn't been in a ring in 20 years. Okay, and
now Chavez Jr., who's pretty much came out and
retired. You know, and he keeps going for the
post like that. Yeah. But I came up with a better
story. Okay. And, yeah, this is going against
Jake Paul, too. Okay. announced on Sunday he
was back for one more fight as part of a campaign
with Lucky Energy and he called out Jake Paul.
Butterbean I would too. They say he's lost so
much weight, man. When I hear he's looking good.
I would love to see that. I would love to see
that. Okay. All right. Let's take our second
break, and how about if I come back with some
ass paddlings? Sounds good. All right. Harambe
used to listen to our original show, Two Dipshits
and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show,
Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask why Harambe
never listens to our original show, Too Gypsious,
in a cheap Radio Shack realistic tape recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead. Senselessly
murdered because some idiot did not watch her
child properly while looking on her phone. Sadly,
Harambe does not listen to our original show,
Too Gypsious, in the cheap Radio Shack realistic
tape recorder, or any other show. Anymore. Sorry,
Harambe. Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How
to Track Your Enemy by Scent. That's right, smell
your enemy before they get you. Order this gem
now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret
bunker in Kensington, Missouri. Also receive
a free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw
Sewage for Food. Hey everybody, this is Uncle
Rob. I'm going to give you some tips for life.
Type of a kick in someone else's name, as long
as you get busted, it's not yours. Rule number
two, shoot angles complementary to your length
and girth. Rule number four, no propping of the
leg. Absolutely no undercarriage. Very important.
Your mom is so old. She walked out of the museum,
and the alarm went off. Please remember to go
to Cole's dressing room, wait five minutes, and
scream, Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, Hmm,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so
have we. That's why we give you The Origin Of.
The origin of smoke detectors, different versions
of smoke and heat detectors, have been around
since the late 1800s. But a key step in the invention's
evolution came from a Swiss physicist named Walter
Jaeger. The story goes that Jaeger was trying
to create a device that would detect poisonous
gas. It didn't work. One day he lit up a cigarette
in Viola. His failed poison detector became itself
an effective smoke detector. So there you go.
Hey there, slap nuts. It's time for the Creeps
Music News. Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This
is Johnny Rohypnol with your music news. Ozzy
Osbourne and Black Sabbath's Back to Begin and
Farewell concert in Birmingham, England on July
5th will be available for a worldwide live stream.
The live stream priced at $29 .99 can be purchased
and accessed at backtothebeginning .com. The
event starts at 10 a .m. Eastern Time and includes
a 48 -hour video on -demand replay. This is according
to Billboard Magazine Online. This is Johnny
Rohypnol. That was your music news. And remember,
bar chords are bullshit. Two douchebags and a
microphone. My name is Mark here in the Kansas
City area at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I
am Rob. It's a beautiful angle arm of Lake of
the Ozarks. All right. Well, like promised, Rob,
you want to hear some ass paddling that I said?
Okay. Well, let's go into a little bit of this.
Ass paddling started a long time ago. Probably
maybe the fourth or fifth episode ever. Topher
and I decided that people did stupid shit, and
when they did stupid shit, they should get an
ass paddling because of what happened. Topher
and I were walking on the beach. We were having
a little mini vacay, and the sun was rising,
and the sun was glistening off our hair in the
sunrise, and there was a slight wind that was
blowing our hair back. We're, you know, we're
having a tender moment. Two guys can do that,
right? So I step on something. I'm like, oh,
shit, you know, and Topher turns around and goes,
oh, it looks like a genie bottle. And I'm like,
yeah, that ain't a genie bottle. And then I go
over there. I go, well, it looks like a genie
bottle. He's like, yeah, no shit. So I pick it
up. I pop the cork, and a genie comes out. And
he goes, all right, guys, I'm a genie. And Dover
and I were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get three
wishes. He goes, no, you guys watch too much
TV. You get one wish, one wish only, make it
count, make it good, world peace, end of polio,
something good, guys, come on. So we looked at
each other and said, you know what, we want to
be invisible so we can ass -paddle people. And
the genie was very reluctant and condescending,
but he said, okay, I have to give you what you
want, even though you guys are morons. Once a
month, we're allowed to turn invisible, and we
get to paddle these people that need it, that
we deem necessary. And because the genie gave
Rob special permission, because he is now a douchebag,
Rob can join us in paddling these people, can't
you? Yes. So Rob also helps. This is the people
that we deem necessary that get an ass paddling.
And the paddle is actually a replica of old Sparky
that used to sit in the trophy case at Cass Midway
High in Missouri. And old Sparky was retired
because he probably hit my bottom and a couple
other people's too much. And they figured it
was time, you know, that pearl paddle had too
much work. So they decided to hang him in the
trophy case. And so this is a replica of old
Sparky who had large holes in him and a very
long stalk so you can get a lot of wind behind
you when you're getting ready to smack someone
on the ass with it. Very lethal piece of equipment,
let me tell you. So, all right. The first one
that gets an ass paddling is Spotify. They're
now butchering songs like radio. You know how
radio... like cuts a song down, cuts out part
of the solo or all the solo and the intro and
some of the outro and all that to make a song
shorter so they can fit more songs in an hour,
right? You know how they do it? I hate that.
Well, now Spotify. What? Yeah? Spotify, really?
Yeah, mine is. Oh, okay. Let me think how to
word this. Not Spotify. I only catch 22 here,
dude. Okay. Not Spotify, but some other source.
I completely messed that up. I accidentally said
Spotify. It was some other music carrier like
Spotify, but not nearly as good as them. yeah
yeah well they get an ass paddling for butchering
songs spotify you guys are great we love you
so yes yep thank you rob so um the next one would
be amazon for making you go to whole foods um
you know like uh holy shit that's high foods
or holy shit that's a lot of money foods to drop
off anything that you're returning they want
you to go in there because they own Whole Foods,
and they want you to buy that overpriced bullshit,
in my opinion. So, Amazon gets an Ask Padlet,
and let's just go ahead and get Whole Foods,
too, because, you know, they're part of the same
corporation, right? You think that's feasible,
just go ahead and get Whole Foods also? Yeah,
yeah. Okay. Okay, you get both of them. They're
in it together, yeah. Yes, yep. All right. The
thermometer gets an ass -paddling because we
do not mess with Mother Nature. We learned our
lesson, didn't we? Yes. Yeah. We gave her an
ass -paddling last year, I believe it was, and
the next night she answered back with four tornadoes
in the middle of the night. We do not mess with
Mother Nature, but I think the thermometer is
at fault here. What do you think, Rob? It's the
thermometer. So the thermometer gets an ass paddling.
Mother Nature, we love you. You're great. So,
next one, and I kept forgetting to put them on
the list because they did this a little while
back. Southwest for charging for bags and now
assigned seating. Those are the only two things
that kept you going to that fucking place. So,
yeah, ass paddling for you guys. And I'm thinking
about the Hall of Fame. What do you think, Rob?
That's on you. I don't fly. Okay. Okay. You know
what? I'm going to give them one more chance.
I think we're going to be taking a trip a little
bit later this year on a plane. I'm going to
probably have to use them because I have some
credit left. So I'll get back with you and see
if I want to put them in the Hall of Fame or
not. Okay. Mitch, for Rob Rad. We're paddling
Mitch. We're Ask Paddling Mitch for you, Rob.
We are? Yeah. He may like it. Okay. Okay. And
Mitch, this is me doing it. Rob Rad is not doing
it. I'm doing it for Rob Rad because you like
to torture him. You like to poke the bear constantly,
so I'm doing it myself. Rob has nothing to do
with this. You can still be his bestie. You can
still be his bestie all you want, but I'm giving
you an Ask Paddling. Because you keep poking
the bear, and we're speaking about Rob Rad here.
The next one, again, ass paddling, and we forgot
to get these guys on there, too, and I don't
know why, but Odyssey. Oh, shit. That's another
catch -22. Yeah. Okay. Odyssey, we're going to
give you a stern warning, but no ass paddling
for letting Johnny go. and completely destroying
the rock image and logo. But no ask them. You
see what they did? They got rid of Johnny and
picked us up. Yes, I do see that. That way we
can't get too mad at them, right? Right. Yeah,
that's damage control. They do what they were
doing. They planned that. Yes. They do the hottest
show. That's right. They're like, we better get
the douchebags on board. If we're going to do
something like this. And, and Odyssey gets a
double stern warning, but no ass paddling because
they do carry us on their website now. Um, and
inserting the church of Laszlo for a morning
show. Yeah. Yeah. Come on guys. Yeah. Please,
please. Yeah. Yeah. What I find funny is, is,
uh, Johnny is still advertising, uh, Harley's
on this station. For Gail. Oh, no, Gail retired.
This is for... Oh, did she? Yeah. I didn't know
Gail retired. Yeah, she retired. That old place
is gone now. Oh, damn. Yeah. Yeah, she retired
two or three years ago. So, yep. And then the
city of Kansas City, finally, for dynamic pricing
Sunday morning at the City Market. I explained
that earlier in the show. They suck. They suck
bad. They suck more than anything has ever sucked
before. In the words of the great Beavis. So,
that is all the ass paddling. So, Rob, once again,
we turn it to you to turn this whole shit show
around, possibly. But when checkpoint alarm bells
begin blurring around and travelers growing,
as happened to one defunded passenger not long
ago, there's a chance it's due to extreme wetness
in their pants, insiders say. Okay. Perspiration
is probably the weirdest thing that can set off
the scanners. Mulvaney read and recently explained
in Reader's Digest it has to do with millimeter
wave technology and how the waves bounce off
the water. Interesting. So your swamp... So ball
gravy can actually fucking set them off. Yeah.
Wow. And there was an insider that added that
because the machines often generate false alarms
set off due to sweat, some countries, including
France and Germany, have banned the scanners
altogether. I did read about that, but I didn't
know it was over crotch sweat. Wow. Yeah. Come
find out. Remember when I went on vacation a
couple months ago, right, on the cruise? Yeah.
Remember I was talking about how I wore that
plastic belt into TSA? Yeah. I was thinking since
it's not metal, it would have went through. That
guy told me he said it doesn't go by that. It
goes by objects. They spotted that belt, and
they had to check it out. It didn't mean anything
that it didn't have any metal on it. So this
is something like that. This is something that
you don't know unless someone tells you. Right,
and now our listeners know. Hit the bathroom
before you go through the scams. Yeah, pat that
shit down. Pat that shit down really good and
then go through. Wow. Is that all the story?
You got more or is that it? Yeah, yeah. Okay.
I've got a little thing here that I'd like to
just go into for a little bit. A couple of days
ago, actually it was Sunday morning because I
had the day off. I was making coffee. Have you
ever had a coffee? I know you don't drink coffee,
but you have before, right? Have you ever brewed
coffee? Yeah. Okay. Sometimes it will get clogged
from where the water runs through the filter
and goes into the actual coffee pot, right? It'll
clog up for some unknown reason and it will spit
coffee back at you. You ever have that happen?
Yeah. Okay. Well, when that happened, I remember
this joke I played on some dickheads I used to
work with. The coffee spit all over my face and
everywhere. It kind of hurt because it was a
little bit hot. It didn't scald me or nothing,
but it hurt. It was painful. Coffee and water
was all over the countertop that I had to clean
up. I had to clean everything up and remake the
coffee. The coffee pot at this place that I worked
at was in the receiving department. I had to
go to the far part of the building to get coffee.
I would load it full of coffee and water. Yeah,
I couldn't wait around for it to brew. But every
time some asshole or probably three or four of
them would steal the coffee I just made, right?
I would come back and it was gone. And no one
saw anything. I was like, I don't know. I didn't
see anyone take any coffee. And they all had
full mugs, right? And they didn't before. Yeah.
So I started bringing my own canned coffee and
drinking that. So I had this great idea one time
when no one showed up during a snowstorm. I was
the only one there. So I looked at the inside
of the coffee pot and saw there was a gap between
the cone mesh that would hold the filter and
the coffee grounds at the bottom. And so that
space there, you could put in like maybe a tiny
Asian pepper. You know, the ones that would peel
paint that are so hot. Yes. So I had my canned
coffee, so, you know, so they would have to brew
it themselves. So, I had my canned coffee and
I was drinking and I went in there and I brewed
some, they went to brew their coffee. Little
did they know that I had that little schezwan
type of pepper that would peel, I'm serious,
that stuff was so hot that it would burn your
eyes if it was close to you. You know what kind
I'm talking about? They're a little Asian pepper.
They're not schezwan, but they're something kind
of like that. So, anyhow, that, you know, they...
they eventually found it and they don't know
who did it. And they were, you know, pretty angry
about it or anything. I'm just like, you know,
drinking my canned coffee going, Oh wow. I wonder
who did that. I don't know. So I could hear them
hacking and spitting down the hallway. So, so
that wasn't it. So I'm like, all right, motherfuckers.
So I decide, all right, maybe everybody's learned
their lesson. So I went in there and I brewed
some coffee again, right? Well, I had to go back
to my area. And I come back into the receiving
area in another room, and guess what? Everybody's
coffee mug was full, and nobody's seen anyone
take the coffee. So I'm like, motherfuckers.
All right, well, they didn't learn their lesson.
So I had to stay late a couple nights later.
Everybody else was gone and receiving, but I
had to get this project done so we could do some
work to it the next day, some type of painting
on it and all that. So it could be... you know
delivered or sent in the mail or whatever the
next day sent over freight so i get to examining
this coffee pot again and i noticed that that
underneath the filter and before you get to the
uh the pot itself there's this little round area
that you could put something in to clog it up
so what i did was i took and i traced that area
and and i cut out a piece of cardboard And I
took it and I took a black magic marker and I
colored it black to where you couldn't tell it
was anything except for the cone filter, the
bottom of the cone filter, the mesh that held
the filter in there, right? So it looked just
like nothing going on. So when they poured the
water in there and they had the coffee in there
that they poured on top of that piece of cardboard,
the water could not go into the actual, into
the coffee pot. So it would start fizzing and
blow all over the place. And so that happened
to them. And then they're like, I could hear
them in there going, what the fuck? Who did this?
And they like pulled out that little cardboard
thing. I was sitting there peeking and I got
them back again. So then eventually I got my
own coffee pot in my own area and I didn't have
to deal with them anymore. But the coffee pot
spitting all over me reminded me of those two
jokes that I just wanted to mention real quick.
And I sure hope they listen. They probably figured
it was me anyhow because they knew I was angry
because every time I make coffee, they fucking
take it. So, anyhow. Rob, we turn it over to
you. Unless you want to end this show. I got
a little culinary trick for you here. Okay. Sounds
good to me. And that'll probably be all I have
for the night. Okay. All right. Vinegar? It brightens.
It sharpens. It's how pickles and tangy slaws
cut so cleanly through the richness of grilled
meat. And it makes a hot dog something delightfully
transformative happen. Okay. They plump? Store
the mixture, huh? Do they plump? Go ahead, I'm
sorry. Oh, yes, I don't know. Store the mixture,
brine hot dogs and all, in a jar and refrigerate
overnight. This results in 10 -year hot dogs.
That sounds good. You can also do that with brisket.
You can brine brisket in the vinegar also. Yeah,
you can. I like to use apple cider vinegar, but
some people use white vinegar on it too. But
I normally don't brine my briskets anymore. I
find that just smoking it is good enough. You
take the fat side up, let the fat drip into the
meat side, and it's moist and tender and all
that stuff. But some people like to brine their
brisket. But apple cider vinegar is really good
for that. Is that it, Rob? Yeah, that was it.
All righty. I had never heard that trick. Not
on hot dogs. Not on hot dogs. I've heard of that
trick on briskets. And there's something else
you can use it on, too, that really... Oh, chicken.
Fried chicken. You take the raw chicken, and
you soak it in vinegar for about, I don't know,
four or five hours, and it makes the chicken
really tender and fluffy, and it makes the breading
on it real kind of flaky and really light. And
that's another thing, too. You can do briskets,
and you can also do it with fried chicken really
well, too. Yeah, vinegar's got a lot of really
good uses for it, and also it's really good in
barbecue sauces, too. But you can't get carried
away with it. You can't do it Memphis -style,
or at least I don't think so. You've got to put
a little vinegar in it, not a lot. Kind of like,
maybe like Gates does. You know what I'm talking
about? They've got a little vinegar in it, but
not a crazy amount like Memphis does. Or Tennessee
-style or whatever. Okay, Rob, is that it? Rob,
thank you for joining me once again. Everybody,
have a great night. Good night, assholes. Good
night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll
be back invading your ear holes soon.