Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the
Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or
Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's
phones, unattended computers, public computers,
and all of my work computers as well, and download
the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to make other people listen. I,
Joe or Jane Listener. will hereby lie to everyone
about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to make all my family members
listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.
And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,
just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone? The apocalypse just
happened. You don't know what to do. You don't
know where to go. But we can tell you what you
can eat. Hi all, this is Mark here. I'm usually
the one telling you what to eat during an apocalypse.
Well, this time I decided to go the other way.
You ever consider just going to ground zero and
saying, fuck it? Do you really want to be the
guy running around looking for radioactive deer,
guessing whether water is not contaminated or
not? No food, no shelter, no nothing. Oh no,
there's a strong argument that says, you know
what? Let's just go to Crown Zero and see what's
for us after. Just a thought. And now, Deep Thoughts
with Mark. Should I record frog sounds in the
summer, then play them when it's zero degrees
on my ring doorbell for the Amazon guy? Yeah,
that sounds like fun. Proof that we love you
here at QD Spades and Microphone Central. Here's
a proof right here about the drink of the week.
Hey, Sporty Pants. This is definitely a summer
drink. This is a Blue Lion Tiki Cocktail Shaker.
Have one half of a cup of ice. Had two ounces
of light one. Three quarter ounces of Blue Curacao.
Two ounces of pineapple juice. Shake over 30
seconds until shaker is very cold. Straight into
a hurricane glass. Filled with crushed ice. Garnished
with a plain apple wedge. And while you're there,
why not milk with a blue Hawaiian shark -a -cat?
All you have to do is grab the maraschino cherry
on the top and splack. Looks like a wet mess
on top. Therefore, the shark -a -cat. And now
we look in on the adventures of the technical
explanation guy. Why, excuse me, my dear chap.
Could you please pass the sodium chloride? Do
you mean the salt? Why, yes. Yes, I do. Then
just say the salt, you dumb motherfucker. Hey
there, slap nuts. It's time for The Creeps Music
News. Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny
Rohypnol with your music news. Nick Ralphs, founding
member of Moth the Hoople and legendary guitarist
for Bad Company, has passed away at the age of
81 after suffering a stroke. He was in bad company.
Till the day he died. This is Johnny Rohypnol.
That was your music news. And remember, bar chords
are bullshit. Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area at the
Talk is Cheap studio. And I am Rob at the beautiful
navel arm of Lake of the Ozarks in my dining
room. Oh, all right. Well, you know what? I bet
the lake is beautiful because... No, no, no.
The reason why I say that, the reason why I'm
not in Duck Blind's studio... Oh, is this the
announcement? I have a major announcement coming,
everybody. Okay, go ahead. No, this is not the
announcement. The reason why I'm not in the duck
blind studio is my son is staying here for a
couple weeks, and he's crashing on the floor
in the studio because he has rented the apartment
above me. Yeah. Okay, Rob. Well, we know who's
going to be making dinner every night. Well,
no. No? I don't set my dining room table, but
no. No, no, no. No, I don't make dinner. He brings
home about as much as I do every week. Okay.
He pours on food. Okay, that's cool. Good. No,
I did own a hell of a lot less. He can do it
now. Okay. He knows that. I will feed him. Oh,
I know that, Rob. We all know this. I mean, you
know, that's what you do for kids, but at first
you make them do what they can before you do
anything like that. Yeah, and he just put the
deposit on the apartment upstairs last night.
It's all good. Oh, good. I'm glad he's going
to be close to you. Excellent. Did you want to
do the announcement now, or do you want to do
it later on? This is my drum roll. I'm no good
at drums, okay? I'm a guitar guy. Okay, go ahead.
Rob's giving away $100 bills when you catch him.
No? Well, hey, I might. We might have to ATM,
but at the moment I could do a couple. There
you go, assholes. Find him. Yeah, yeah. Cool.
Anybody in Lake of the Ozarks. And also go to
our page, the Two Deucebags microphone page.
The pictures will be up there, won't they? Yes,
yes, yes. As soon as it's done, they're going
to be on Facebook. There you go, guys. That way
you see the truck, you know what to look for.
It's a 2012 white Nissan Frontier. There you
go. Look for the man. He's also cool to talk
to, not just to give money. He's also cool to
talk to, so hell yeah. He'll show you his loincloth.
He probably won't be wearing it. Well, I don't
know. It's pretty hot. No, well, yeah, but it
may be after work. Okay, he'll probably be wearing
his jeans. He'll be wearing his Wranglers, his
skin -tight Wranglers, right? Always. Okay, there
you go. No loincloth, but he'll show you the
loincloth because he carries it around with him
in case he needs it, right? Yes. Yes, okay. I
know. I need to shut my mouth. $100 and a loincloth.
No, no, no. I'm going to have to order a loincloth.
I am. Seriously. You are going to. Well, what
you can do is you can just take a rag and put
a piece of rope around it. And a crossy ass.
Yeah. And may or may not put Duke. Who knows?
Oh, I think you should put Duke. Yes. Yes. Yeah,
yep. I will announce it later when it's official.
Yep. L .A. definitely knows what we're talking
about. Those guys are killing it. I would like
to start off with this, Rob. This is a tribute.
You probably read about this, heard about it,
I'm sure. It's big news. This guy is responsible
for a culture of humor. His brand was so unique,
and his character was one of the most influential
and talented. This show helped me through adolescence
and all the bumps and bruises of growing up.
He was an old friend that would visit me every
Sunday night at 1030 on KY102. Yes, yes, yes.
I know what you're going into. I almost did that
a couple weeks ago. No. Oh, did he retire a couple
weeks ago or not? Okay, then I just caught it
a week ago. Anyhow, I had my tiny transistor
radio, battery operated on low, up to my ear
listening when I was supposed to be asleep. Yes,
you are. I know, everybody did that. Everybody
I knew at school that was cool at all. You had
a little transistor radio, battery operated,
and you hit it under your bed or something, 1030,
you would turn on KY -102. Very low, and you
would listen to Dr. Demento, and you would hope
you could stay awake for all of it. Sometimes
I did. A lot of times I fell asleep. It's Sunday
night at 1030. It's ingrained in my brain forever.
I will never forget that. Those are such great
memories. So, you know, his humor and personality
will ever be carved in my brain, and I can't
thank him enough. He was so real that he would
play tape sent to him at the studio. He was never
afraid of being shown up or outshined. We all
need the Dr. Demento humbleness. What a unique
talent. In a landscape of boring and an industry
of safe, sterile garbage, he was always the same
guy. So let me go into the article here that
describes him retiring. Dr. Demento, madcap radio
DJ who launched Weird Al's career, announces
retirement. It's been a blast. 84 -year -old
radio legend wrote in a message to fans. I've
come to the decision that I have to need to hang
it up, my top hat, here soon. My pop culture
universe became significant. less demented on
Friday when Barrett Hanson, a .k .a. Dr. Demento,
announced his retirement after 55 years of playing
novelty songs on the airwaves. He wrote a message
to the fans. He said, it's been a blast, but
I've come to the decision that I need to hang
up my top hat soon. Throughout the course of
his long career, Demento introduced several fantastically
silly songs, including into the public consciousness,
including Fish Heads, by Barnes & Barnes and
Shaving Cream by the same duo. But his greatest
achievement took place in 1976 when he dug out
a cassette mail to him by a 16 -year -old high
school student named Alfred Yankovic. And he
played his homemade song, Belvedere Cruising,
on the National Airwaves. When I first got this
tape, it had nothing written on it, Dr. Demento
said, and Weird Al's behind the music. It was
a song that Al wrote about driving around the
streets of Linwood in his parents' Plymouth Belvedere.
I know. And it's a great song. Do you remember
it, Rob? Yes, I do. I am a major Weird Al fan.
You know, and also... I'll go into the rest of
this article in a minute, but here's a little
side note here. Weird Al was so good that whenever
he would cover an artist's song, they didn't
grimace. They were jumping for joy. They would
join him. They're going, really? You know, even
Michael Jackson. I mean, all of these guys, they
all loved him. Whenever he, you know, whenever
he would cover their song, they would be like,
hey, can I help you with it? Can I be in the
video? They were routinely in the video, and
they were routinely listening and loving the
song and enjoying it as much as we did and as
much as Al did. And that's what kind of a culture
that this guy brought to the world. People loved
him as humor. Go ahead. Actually, they filmed.
Okay, Michael Jackson had the song Beat It, which
the video was at a pool hall. They used the same
pool. same pool tables and Weird Al Yankovic's
version eating oh yeah yes yeah it was all the
same it was cool yeah you know and the cool thing
is you know they'd be on everyone will remember
this on KY102 as well Rockline you'd hear Rockline
would always whenever a huge artist was on there
that he covered you'd always have at least one
person calling in going hey uh what'd you think
of that big al you know not big al but al um
uh weird al's uh cover and they'd be like oh
man it was awesome you know i got a hold of him
and i told him i wanted to be in the video and
you know and all this stuff and every one of
them was happy when they were asked about it
and in interviews they're like they're always
giving him props the guy was so talented um But
anyhow, Dr. Demento is the guy that discovered
Weird Al. And he did it just because he sent
in a tape with nothing on it. And Dr. Demento
was so genuine, he went over to the cassette
tape. He played it. And he was like, you know
what? That is really good. I'm going to play
that on my show tonight. And when he did, people
went nuts. It was an instant hit. People loved
it. And people like me and you. got to know Weird
Al Yankovic because of Dr. Demento. And a lot
of other artists, too. I mean, Barnes & Barnes
wouldn't have been nearly as big if it wasn't
for him. I mean, there are so many other ones
that I could mention. I mean, anybody that knows
what we're talking about knows exactly, you know,
what we're talking about, per se. The guy was
so vast in everything that he did. So, but...
Weird Al hearing his song on the radio was the
most stunning moments in Yankovic's life. It
just went nuts, he said. I ran around the house
screaming. I couldn't believe it. Yankovic kept
submitting songs and was a mainstay on the program
by the time he became a student at California
Polytechnic State University. Early classics
like My Bologna. Remember that one? Yes. Another
one rides the bus. That was a great one. Definitely.
They were all first heard on the Dr. Demento
show. And why were they first heard on the Dr.
Demento show? Because Dr. Demento discovered
him. Dr. Demento gave him a chance. Not just
him. He played a lot of parody artists. Yeah,
he played the first in a lot of stuff. A lot
of stuff. Yeah, he did. Yeah, and Yankovic often
credited the DJ. I have a problem with him calling
him a DJ. Dr. Demento was so much more than a
DJ, a disc jockey. No, he's... Yeah, he was.
He was a musical professor. Yeah, he was a larger
-than -life personality. He's seen talents in
Weird Al that many people did not see. And look
at Weird Al now. Yeah. And, you know, not only
launching Weird Al's career, but inspiring him
to record parody songs in the first place. In
2022, Mock Biopic, Weird Al, The Yankovic Story,
Dr. Demento was played by Ryan Wilson. So, that's
all I got of that one. Let me see if I have something
else. I don't know. I do have more stuff. You
know what, I'll go into a little bit of it, and
then we'll go into some of your stuff, Rob. That
sound like a plan? Okay. Yeah. All right. Like
always. Yep, yep, like always. You guys know
the drill now, so. And if you don't, you'll know
it because we said it is. Anyhow, I was at Walmart
getting my mom's prescriptions and her protein
drinks and a few other items, including a bottle
of refillable bubbles for the water gun I got
the six -year -old grandkid. She ran out of bubble
solution hitting the dogs or anything in her
way with hundreds of tiny bubbles, which is very
cool. Even I partaked in that. You would too,
right? Oh, yeah. I don't have to go to the store
and make bubbles. Well, this solution works better
than like Dawn or something like that. I mean,
it actually creates more bubbles. And it was
only like a couple of bucks. I was like, you
know, and it's also cool to come home with a
big thing of, hey, here's some more bubbles.
Yeah, you know, so. Well, blew my idea out of
the air. What was your idea? It works, but not
like that solution. You'll get a few bubbles,
but that solution, whatever they put in it, it
creates thousands of little bubbles. Not thousands,
but you know. You know what? I might try that
one time. But anyhow, it just made sense. It
was right there. I was getting other stuff. It
was a couple bucks. And also just cool taking
it home and going, hey, look what I got. What?
More bubbles. Yeah! You know? Who's the hero,
right? There you go. Yep. I know the deal with
my little man. Yep. Yep. You know who the hero
is. You bring home bubbles. Okay, so at Walmart,
an associate was pimping that you can enter your
phone number and have your receipt sent to your
phone via text message. You can have all your
receipts on your phone for returns or what have
you. She went on to explain that all you have
to do is enter your text and your phone number
and bam, you're all set. Rob, do you know what
happened? What? Okay, if you do that, you'll
get a shit ton of advertisements on your phone.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, you know, I mean, no, no,
no. What it's going to be is it's like, come
on in, come on in the night. Well, I would have
put my phone number in for that, Rob. So, you
know, Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What
am I saying? No, I wouldn't. You're right. No,
I would block that horrible number. Yeah. Oh,
that's right. Yeah, hookers bad. Cocaine bad.
No, no, no. I'm still in the 80s. Oh, shit. That
reminds me. I've got to find some old pictures
of me with the long black hair because a guy
that I used to know, I worked with a guy that
knew me a long time ago when we just found this
out a few weeks ago. And in front of some friends,
he said, yeah, Mark used to have long black hair.
And everyone's like, uh -uh. Bring in some pics.
So I got to find it. So I got to find some. I
will. I got some somewhere around here. Or if
not, I'll ask other people. Because I was usually
smashed and not taking pictures. Everybody else
was. Hey, tell everybody your podcast co -host
swears that you used to look like Blackie Lawless.
Yes. You did. You did. I've heard that. I've
heard Ozzy. I've heard everything, pretty much.
No, Blackie Lawless, too. Okay, all right. Yeah,
you're more Blackie. Okay, that's cool. I'll
take that. I like Blackie. Went to go see him
last year, actually. I know. Yeah, he kind of
looks like an old transvestite now, but I still
love him. Well, back in the 80s. He's almost
70. He's almost 70. He's almost 70, you know,
so I've got to give him more credit there. Yeah,
yeah. It's like, oh, I really look just like
a chick? Fuck yeah! So, anyhow. And then the
guys would be behind us calling us gay or something.
They wouldn't have any chicks. We'd have all
of them. I'd just turn around and go, where's
your girls at? Oh, your hand? That don't count.
So, okay, so I'm sitting there and I thought,
hmm, who would I really like to ruin their week?
So, Let's just say this asshole that was a lead
man at that shithole I used to work at is probably
getting a lot of ads right now. Allegedly. I'm
pretty sure right now he's getting two -for -one
M &Ms at 9 a .m. at your local Walmart. Oh, and
then, to cap things off, before I put in the...
Um, this, uh, nobody would, nobody's number.
I just made one up before I did that. Nobody's
number before I put that in. Um, they have a,
what this thing called Walmart radio. And, uh,
that's what it's called. And they go, Hey, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Woo. Yeah. We got
Walmart radio on the line and all this shit.
And you're like, fuck. So Walmart radio. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, you know. So it's playing loud over
the speakers so everybody can hear it, you know,
and you got the fucking awful thing, the chuckle
nut hut, you know. It's called the Chris Show.
They laugh all over themselves. They do shout
outs as well. It's embarrassing. You know, I
always bitch. about people wearing earbuds so
they can't hear anybody. And then if like, you
know, like they drop something or, or you're
trying to get around them, they can't hear you
because they're wearing earbuds with that Chris
show playing at a fucking Walmart. I'm going
to start putting those in. So I don't have to
hear that bullshit. It is, it is such a nut hut
thing. Yay. Oh yeah. Hey, who is this? Oh yeah,
yeah, yeah. Hey, uh, hey, Betty says hi to everybody
in Albuquerque. And I'm like going, fuck Betty
and fuck Albuquerque and fuck you. So it's a
huge bowl of suck. All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't be saying that
shit no more. We have listeners worldwide. You
can't be saying fuck everybody no more, dude.
You know what? You're right. You're right. Okay.
How about. No, you can't say it. How about. Gentle,
loving intercourse. Ooh, I like that. Okay. Gentle,
loving intercourse, everybody, but only for procreation.
No other reason. None of that nasty lust stuff.
Nothing like that. Oh, well, I'm out. Me too.
I have more stuff, but you know what? We're going
on 20 minutes here, so we're going to go ahead
and let you... Well, the more you get is the
more chance you have of one of them wiping your
ass for you. Exactly. Yeah, so you might need
a couple, right? Can you depend on the two right
now? No, no, no, no. I can depend on one, and
I'm perfectly happy with that. Okay, you're going
to take your chances, right? All right, Rob,
we turn it to you. Yep. The time between buying
the tickets to Showtime is so exciting. It is.
Yeah. I got two tickets to Ozark Mount Daredevil's
final tour. That's going to kick ass. This Saturday
night. Sounds good. Oh, and you remember the
girl I told you I wanted to put on the air? Yeah.
Supposedly, I'm going to take her. Okay. Okay.
Who was the one that went with me to the 38th
special concert? The so caught up in you, little
girl, you're the one that's got me down on my
knees? No. No, that's a song lyric. Yeah, 38th
special, yeah. It's so cheesy, I gotta sing it
every time someone brings them up. Oh, dude,
it was hilarious. Bleach Singer made fun of them.
I know you can't. How many show tunes does the
30s special done do? Show tunes? Yeah, they were
in Back to the Future. They did many other songs.
A lot of their songs in the 80s were show tunes.
Oh, okay. They were on movies. Yeah, you know
what? Okay, I was thinking of show tunes. Like
Broadway? I got what you're saying. No, no, not
Broadway. No, movies. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah.
They were movie tracks. Yes, they were. You're
right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, and it was funny.
The Link Center 3 special made fun because of
it. Yeah. So, yeah, we're going for show turns.
Well, back then, those were not that bad of lyrics.
I mean, you know what I mean? They weren't that
cheesy back then. So, caught up in you. Agreed.
Agreed. Yeah. Agreed. Anyhow, go ahead. I'm sorry.
Got this shit derailed. So when the day can be
saved, fans are beyond appreciative. And when
it turns out to be a level up win, well, that's
the best possible outcome of all. Okay. I'm getting
into the story of what happened. You're going
to love this. I love this. Fans probably weren't
expecting to feel the latter of Vince Neal's
64 of Motley Crue canceled a Niagara Falls show
unexpectedly. This was a solo gig? A Vince Neal
solo gig? I'm guessing it's a solo gig. Okay.
Ready? Mm -hmm. However, when Sebastian Bach
of Skid Row, fame stepped in and even sang an
iconic song, fans were not only thankful, they
were saying it totally upgraded the show. Shut
up, Josie. You know, they tour together a lot.
I saw Sebastian Bach. opened up for Vince Neal
and Queensryche with Todd LaTorre, not with Jeff
Tate. I've seen them play. It was up in Omaha,
and Sebastian Bach opened up for Vince Neal there,
too. Interesting. Go ahead. They must play together
a lot, I guess. Well, the Shout the Devil covers
sparked a lot of conversation. Well, you know
what? I agree with that. It sounds better than
Vince Neal. Vince Neal is horrible. Okay, that's
interesting because when I went to go watch Sebastian
Bach lead off for Vince Neal, that's when ACDC...
had the trouble with Brian Johnson not being
able to hear, and they split up with him, and
then they got back together. Whatever happened,
that whole messy thing, right? And Axl Rose,
you know, did shows with him until, I guess,
until Brian Johnson came back or something like
that. Right, right. But Sebastian Bach did TNT
as an encore. He sounded dead on. You know, that's
Bon Scott doing it. He sounded dead on. And then
after that, after that concert, he did it at
a couple other shows, too. And the big rumor
back then was Sebastian Bach was going to be
ACDC's interim lead singer, but it ended up being
Axl Rose. So that's pretty interesting. Well,
he's not with Skid Row anymore. That's what I'm
saying. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's already suggested
it. I guess they're just too much bad blood.
Yeah, there is. That's the problem. Too much
bad blood. The last I knew, if you can believe
what you read in the press, the last I knew was
they were in a huge fight and he said, you know
what, I'd be willing to get back together with
them. I think it'd be a good thing to do one
last tour or something like that or even do another
album. And they were like, no. We're not going
to do it. And I don't even know who's singing
for them now. But, man, they had a bunch of people.
It just didn't fit them for a long time. I mean,
they were trying to go too heavy. They were one
of the fewest bands that started off kind of
almost not quite bubble gum. But they were definitely
glam, right? And then they went heavier with
Slave to the Grind. And it did very well. But
that's when Pantera and all these other bands
were coming out. So it kind of worked well. you
know, in tandem with the, the heavier. Yeah.
But they were more successful. You know, they
had, I remember you in 18 life and, and, uh,
you've gone wild. You know, they had three really
big radio songs. They did very well, but, um,
slave to the grind actually did better sales
wise monkey business. And, uh, they're, they're
just a bunch of really good songs. Yeah. they
built for you. Yeah. You hear a lot of Monkey
Business. You hear a lot of, yeah, a lot of the
other songs. Yeah. And I forgot how good that
song is, too. Monkey Business is a very good
song. It's great. Man, Sebastian's voice on that
was just amazing. Amazing. And he can still sing
when I hear, I mean, this is quite a few years
ago. This is probably eight years, nine years
ago now. Something like that. in Omaha, and his
voice was spot on. I mean, he just sounded great.
That's what they're saying. Sebastian Bach is
on it. It was like 95 degrees outside, and he's
still wearing the skin -tight leather fucking
pants. I'm like, that dude's a trooper. That
dude is a trooper. I'd be in fucking Bermudas.
I'd be like, look, I may be a rocker, but it's
hotter than fuck out here, so I'm going to wear
Bermudas. That's interesting because now he's
on Motley Crue's radar. The only problem is this
right here. Motley Crue is not Motley Crue. They
haven't been Motley Crue in a long time. Yeah,
well, see, that's what I'm thinking. Like you
said, the way the story reads, I think it was
a solo gig that Vince Neil backed out of. Mm
-hmm. And Sebastian Bob jumped in. That's not
even... That's not unique for Vince Neil either.
He is notorious for backing out. And I don't
know if he has a drinking problem or a voice
problem or all of the above. I know he had a
lot of alcoholism problems in his life. He's
had a lot of tragedy, some caused by him, some
not. Well, he's had voice problems too. Well,
that goes along with alcoholism too and the overweightness.
You know, when you're out of breath, you really
can't sing. You know, especially when you're
trying to entertain people. You know, and he's
huffing and puffing. Yeah, you put him and Axl
Rose in the same category. You take the same
person anymore. Buster Brown, or what do you
call him? What do you call Axl Rose? I call him
Buster Brown. Who's the guy that you... Oh, who
was it? Dutch Boy Paint. Yeah, Dutch boy. Dutch
boy, yeah. He looks like Dutch boy paint guy.
Yeah. So, anyhow, yeah. All right, shall we go
to our first break and then come back with some
emails? Yeah, we probably should. Ms. Gulkenstein
was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of
her. Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob. Changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob, the capuchin monkey, tries to sell
the rest of the capuchin monkeys Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a diamond status Amway
as a capuchin monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. Oh lord, that
man just sawed a puppy in half. Hey there, don't
worry, I have a clown nose. guy just hit my child.
It is okay. I have a clown nose. Clown nose.
Just put one on and you can do anything. Want
to run for office? Murder people in public? Just
grab a clown nose and bam! Everyone laughs. Clown
noses are sold at keg stores online and pedophile
conventions. Grab one today and make magic happen.
Two douche bags, a microphone, and an effort
to keep everything fresh. We offer you First
world problems. Damn it. I can't decide between
nachos, chili, or wings for the game tonight.
This is bullshit. I should not have to make decisions
like this. Hey there, fuckstick. You're just
in time for brand new feature news nobody gives
a shit about. Bumblebees have been proven to
sing to their young. Have you ever wondered what
something came about? Have you ever looked at
something and said, Hey, I wonder what the origin
of that is? Well, so have we. That's why we give
you the origin of... The origin of the goatee.
The goatee is a beard style that dates back to
ancient Greece and Rome and is named for its
resemblance to a goat's beard. The goatee has
been worn by many famous men throughout history,
including Uncle Sam, Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock.
The gobham was often depicted with a goatee,
and in medieval and Renaissance art, Satan was
depicted with a goatee as well. The goatee became
popular again in the 1940s as a defining trait
of the beatniks and jazz musicians. It fell out
of favor again in the 1960s, but became fashionable
again in the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee
originated in the late 20th century. It was originally
called a goatee. Hey, everybody, this is Uncle
Rob. I'm going to give you some tips for life.
This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics. Rule
number one, title a pic in someone else's name
as long as you get busted. It's not yours. Rule
number two, shoot angles complementary to your
length and girth. Rule number four, no propping
of the leg. Time for pickup lines from a loser.
There's something wrong with my phone. It doesn't
have your number in it. This is Joshua Belmont,
your food for thought man on the hustle. So I
just realized a genius that gets absolutely no
credit. His name is Marshall Taylor. He's credited
with the first bag of salad mix that was bagged
and sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe
he is still alive. This guy's genius will never
be fully appreciated. Before this ban, we settled
for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons
and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with
that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,
maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine
lettuce for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should
have a national holiday. Our constant pursuit
for a real knee slapper. It's strange insults
from an alien. Real hilarity. If you were a spice,
you would be flour. Arm at the talk is cheap
studio. You know, from the air, the Niangua arm
actually kind of looks like an arm. Have you
noticed that? Yes. It's pretty interesting. All
right. Well, like promised, I have some emails,
so I guess we'll go into them. All right. Hey,
guys. I hope you mentioned the retirement of
Dr. Demento. Check. That guy was the best. I
still listen to his archives online. So do I.
I can honestly see his influence in your podcast.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. That is probably
the best compliment we've ever gotten. Oh, my
God, yes. I'm honored by that, for real. No joke,
really. Well, we grew up on him, so he's part
of our DJ. People we remember that we tried to
beat. Yeah, he's Mount Rushmore of entertainers.
Yeah, yeah. No, 99 .7. Yep. We got 98 .9 The
Rock out of Kansas City, you know. Yep. And then
we got Mancow. We got all the bigs, you know.
All the bigs. Let's see. What was that? Oh, yeah,
yeah, The Rock. They have destroyed that brand,
dude. If you get a chance. Oh, I believe it.
Yeah, I have not. It's embarrassing. Not only
their song list, but their imaging and everything.
It's just horrible. It doesn't make sense. The
imaging doesn't even appeal to rockers. I know
this because I'm a rocker. It is boring, stupid.
I agree they needed to change their imaging.
They've had it forever. Unless you have something
iconic like KY with a yellow and black or something
like that. This thing's just boring. And it doesn't
make any sense. Okay, Mark. Okay, Mark. Okay.
What is the golden rule in construction? The
golden rule in construction? There are so many
of them. Tell me. What is it? If it ain't broke,
don't fix it. Oh. I don't know how I missed that.
Yes. And they shouldn't have fixed it. Or think
they did. Exactly. Well, everybody was familiar
with that, whether you like it or not. And I
was kind of tired of it, but you're right. You're
right. Everybody was familiar with it. And now
that they dicked with it, it's like, you know.
Nobody can stand it. Yeah, I'll put it like this.
Yeah. We're going to go broke real quick. I think
they're already broke. That's probably why they
got rid of Johnny. It is. That's right. Look,
I mean, the thing is, is this right here. That
former radio is probably dead. I mean, you know,
it doesn't bring in enough ad revenue, evidently,
and that sucks. So even Icon, I thought it did,
too. But I've been reading a lot of articles.
If they're true, it kind of sounds like, you
know, he still did well in the ratings. It's
just like the money isn't there. You know, the
advertisement just isn't there. They're finding
online ways to advertise. It's the company. Yeah,
it probably is. They probably don't have any
salesmen, and then they blame the radio show.
That happens all the time. So anyhow, all right.
Love you all. By the way, I too am micro -retiring,
but I still have my job. I need a few mental
health weeks, and my employer was kind enough
to let me. Love you guys. I so wish you could
do five shows or more a week. We do too. I'm
saying this as a compliment, not a request. I
will gladly take what you're able to produce.
Ronnie and Tulsa, the Tulsa King. Love you, Ronnie.
All of this. If we could, we would. I wish we
could do 30 a week. This is what we love to do.
Cool. If I wanted to, I could. Yeah, you could.
You know how I'm wired, dude. I've got to work
my ass off. You're in good so well with your
company. You could probably go to them and say,
hey, I need a month off. You probably could do
that if you want. Okay. No, no, no. That's fine.
I'll explain later off here. Okay. That's fine.
I've told you about the surgery I need. Uh -huh.
Yeah. Yeah. It's getting time. Okay. No, no.
Okay. I am the director, not the boss. I have
a clear vision of what we need to do, and I think
it's right. We're doing pretty well. That's all.
Yeah. I know. Okay, no, that's cool. I appreciate
that. Okay, so Ronnie, thank you. You are royalty,
always will be. Yes. Enjoy yourself. Keep doing
it. I love the fact you're still breaking us
off emails. This is awesome. Yes. Thank you.
We always enjoy your emails, that's for sure.
Rob, I got my guy Butchie with his homemade prison
tattoo gun ready to administer your fuckhammer
tattoo. And Butchie will throw in a Mitch tattoo
on your right butt cheek for free. See you soon,
Bestie. Mitch, Rob's Bestie in South Central
Cass County Fire District No. 4, Massey Creek
Arm. Rob? Awesome. Awesome. There you go. It's
going in the middle of my back. Okay. Middle
of my back. Fuckhammer in the middle of your
back and then on the right butt cheek, Mitch.
Well, Butchie, I think Butchie can do it. You
forget, you forget. I have been in the hairy
-ass Olympics. Yes. I hear you could braid him.
There's good reason I could win it, to be honest.
Didn't you get dreadlocks one time on your ass
cheeks? I could. Oh, okay. Mitch, you got yourself
a deal there, it sounds like. You better get
ready. Rob's on his way. Next one. The new Taylor
guy. Oh, that's going to be the name of the Trump
douchebag mobile. Douchebag mobile, yeah. That's
going to be the name of the tight douchebag mobile.
Cool. Sounds good to me. I think you should throw
lollipops at people driving down the road slowly
over near the Bagnell Dam. Go up Bagnell Dam.
Exactly. That's the shit I need. Yeah. Well,
they're out there on the boat. If you want to
be a morning radio show, let's do it. I'll do
it. Yeah, throw out lollipops and bumper stickers.
Get a boat. Have naked chicks on there handing
out fucking bumper stickers. I'm going to have
to film it. I'm going to have to film it. All
right. If you don't have pictures, it didn't
happen. Remember that? Yeah, I do remember that.
I had a couple of albums, I think I told about
it on the show. Every time they say pictures
or you're lying, don't do it. Because then they
flog you. They're like, hey, he really does have
that album. And then you're just like, you're
like fending everybody off going, I don't want
to sell it, guys. I just, everyone else is showing
their stuff. So, okay, anyhow. The new Taylor
guy with the salad mix is funny. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. What'd you think, Rob? Yeah. Oh,
I love it. Yeah, the salad mix guy. I forgot.
Taylor. Shit, I even forgot the creation. Anyhow.
Taylor Belmont. Taylor Belmont. Taylor Belmont.
Okay. The new Taylor guy with the salad mix is
funny. I love it. I hope this will be a regular
feature. Bonnie and St. Charles. Yeah, it's going
to be a regular feature, but it's not just going
to be Taylor Belmont. It's going to be other
people. It's just like the music news. You know,
the music news, we have, shit, Dash Riptide,
Johnny Rohypnol. Yes, yes. Rip Blankenship, who
I'm yet to introduce. And who is the smooth jazz
guy? Shit. Something the third. Don't fuck. Anyhow.
All right. Um, Bonnie. Yeah, it's going to go
on. And, uh, all it is is simply people that
need recognition. Like this guy that came up
with salad mix. Yes. Uh, recognition to St. Charles,
to the St. Louis area. Valterres. St. Charles.
Huh? Valterres. St. Charles, where she is from.
Uh -huh. It's Missouri, like up around St. Louis.
Yeah, over close to St. Louis, yeah. Yeah, shout
out to them. Yeah, we love you guys. St. Charles,
I saw Deep Purple and Alice Cooper open up for
them at the Hollywood Amphitheater. Very cool
show and a really cool amphitheater. Something
Valtares III. Damn it. Oh, well. Hey, guys. LA
checking in. I listen to every drop. Keep up
the entertainment, please. Tonya. Thank you,
Tonya. And I guess you're from L .A. Sounds like.
Thank you. We plan on it. Next one. Thanks for
what? Oh, go ahead. What? Oh, I said yes. Oh,
OK. Sorry. You know, I can't hear. All right.
Thanks for thanks for the weather update. So
I have so much fun. Oh, and another thing. I'm
going to rearrange the podcast room here to where
I can get my guitar and turn on my amp and be
here. And then it's going to be a whole other
element. We'll see how many listeners we have
after that. You are him, everybody. It's him,
not me. I'm going to single -handedly destroy
this podcast. You're welcome. I'm on my cell
phone and a pair of ear pods. He's got everything.
Oh my God, you're going to take your ear pods
out after I get to strumming. All right. Thanks
for the weather update, assholes. I no longer
need Excedrin PM. Clint in Clarksville. This
actually made me chuckle. Clint, you got a good
one. You got a little zinger in on us. That was
pretty good. But Excedrin PM? There's so much
better stuff, Mitch. Excedrin PM, come on. Get
with it. Okay, Clint. I'll play Clint. How long
has it been since we've heard from you, Clint?
No, I haven't been reading them off. I haven't
been reading them off because they've been kind
of boring. Oh, come on. He doesn't email every
week, but I'd say once a month he sends something
off. And this actually was funny, so I was like,
you know what, we'll give Clint a bone here.
And also, thanks for listening. Yeah, and I don't
think that Clint really hates us because he keeps
listening, obviously. Which, it sounds like from
here on out, any battle with you and Mitch, I'm
going to have to take up with Mitch because I
guess we're besties now. That's the way it sounds.
Hey, I'm on Mitch's bandwagon, too. Oh, yeah?
Well, I'll team up with Clint. There you go.
But anyhow, I will leave Narcan alone, Clint,
because we need your downloads. That's what I
was going to ask. How do you do without Narcan,
Clint? That's my question. Well, he's still around,
so I'm going to go ahead and leave all the Narcan
alone, and then that way you can keep downloading
our show. Maybe he got out of rehab. Yes. He
must have had his own Narcan. He probably has
that in the... And an AFib and the adrenaline
needle and all that right next to him. Home remedy.
Home remedy. Yeah, in front of Dollar General.
It's a home remedy. In front of Dollar General
where he sits there with his little tin can.
I'm sure he's got all those right next to him.
He's probably been out in the hills searching
for a certain plant. Or searching for sheep that
are lost. Whatever. Come here. Come here. The
sheep hear a zipper and they all run off. Isn't
that right, Clint? Yeah? All right. Rob, what
type of honey do you use on your biscuits? Teresa
and Rosemont. Did you ever say you use honey
on your biscuits? Oh, you think it's a little
inside? Well, no, no, no, no. She's asking what
kind of honey on my biscuits. Okay. My honey
is white with sausage. Biscuits are creamy. There
you go. Very cool. Very clever. I knew where
you were going with that. Yep. Very good. I do
like honey on a biscuit. Yeah. Yeah, honey on
a biscuit's good. Yeah. I like it. I'll tell
you what I really love. You've been to Stroud's
before, right? Yeah, years ago, yeah. Do you
remember those cinnamon rolls they give you after
your meal? Oh, my God. They are delightful. Oh,
yeah, they are. And all they are is just like
rolls, but they have this cinnamon sugar mix
that they mix them in. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah.
That's what makes it. Yes. Yep. Yeah. And like
I always say, Stroud's, it's not necessarily
the chicken. It's everything else is so good.
The chicken's good, but it's not the best ever.
Yeah. But from now on, I just keep a little shaker
of cowboy butter and Kinder's wood -fired garlic
on me. It makes anything taste great. I'm not
kidding you. So, all right, that's the end of
the email. So, Rob. You're tearing a fanny pouch,
aren't you? Yes, I am. Yeah, it's cool looking
too. I got it all dazzled up. Yeah, it's got
like little diamonds and rubies on it. I love
you. I also wear my white cowboy boots. I wear
my white cowboy boots. Yeah, fanny pack. I'm
on that How to Unbecome Your Parents or whatever.
I think it's progressive commercial. Yeah. I'm
like wearing my fucking pants up past my belly
button. And I got a stupid cap on and some goofy
shirt and Walmart tennis shoes or something.
Anyhow, Rob, we turn it to you. Okay, well, I
might have to take it to a serious note, unfortunately,
even though we are having a great time tonight.
Yes. But I ran across this story earlier today,
and it needs to get out on the air. Okay. Ooh,
okay. You got me. It's a new drug. Contributing
to severe and sometimes deadly overdose clusters
across multiple states. According to a recent
CDC report, illicit... Okay. Give me a second
here. I'm going to try to figure this out. Okay.
And if that isn't quite it, you can look it up.
You have the spelling. Yes, yes, yes. And I'm
going to go into it, especially in the States.
We're tradespeople, guys. We're tradespeople.
We're not wordsmiths. Yeah, yeah. We did not
pass English class. No, no, no. We were good,
like, cutting steel and shit. So, there. Yeah,
yeah. We were good at shop, just not English.
Yep. Okay. That's how I'm going to do it. Okay.
Wow. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Because, I
mean, this goes with all shit. Okay. And then
it goes into what is metadentamide. Okay. Metadentamide
is FDA approved for use in dogs for the date.
sedation, and pain relief, and is often used
off -label in cats and other small animals. It
is racemic mixture containing... Oh, fuck. Now
they added Dex to the name. You can always just
tell them to look up the story. Tell them what
it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look up, like I said,
it's M -E -D -E -T -O -M -I -D -I -D. And there's
other shit. And then they add an X to it. Is
FDA approved for a human ICU sedation? Ooh. And
then they go out, go into different outbreaks
that they've had. Philadelphia September 24 and
January 2025 a total of 165 individuals required
hospitalization with nearly 25 % needing intubation
and the traditional which proved the impact.
Okay? Okay. And then they go into Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania, saw a similar pattern with 10 confirmed
metadeptamine -involved cases between October
24 and March 2025. Nine required ICU care. Wow.
Come on, people. Yeah. Watch your kids. Watch
your friends. Yeah, definitely. Wow. I mean,
come on. We need to get this nation off this
bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, we do. The opioids, the
meth, the whatever. Yep. I agree. Thank you,
Rob. Thank you, Rob. My opinion. Thank you Rob.
Let's take our second break. We'll come right
back. You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an
apocalypse inevitable? We suggest you download
all our podcasts beforehand and have multiple
mobile chargers. We have the post -apocalypse.
Remember, communication is essential post -apocalypse.
You must have two radios that are solar chargeable.
Have several on hand in case any of them do break.
That way, if one is out guarding the perimeter
of your property or out gathering food or whatever,
you can stay in communication and know where
the other person is. Next up, things overheard
in hell. Gary Glitter has been named the lead
singer in the boys' choir of hell. Once again,
it's time for Ramblings of a Madman. Congress
needs to synchronize tap dance for 20 minutes
before each session. That needs to happen. Hey,
my fellow heavy breeders, this is Dash Riptide,
your music news. There are reports and rumors
circulating about a potential new Led Zeppelin
album release in 2025, possibly including a mix
of new and old material. While the surviving
members, Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, and John Paul
Jones, have reunited in the studio, there's no
official confirmation of the new album release
date from the band. The rumors have been fueled
by statements from band members about working
on something very special, and by speculation
surrounding a possible involvement of Jason Bonham,
son of the late John Bonham on drums. We will
keep you informed with any more details that
become available. This is certainly an interesting
story and turn of events. This is Dash Ruktine,
and that was your music news. If it's too loud,
you probably have ear damage, just like me. Two
douchebags and a microphone. I'm Mark here in
the Kansas City chapter at the Talk is Cheap
studio. And I am Rob. All right. Go ahead. In
the bunker. All right. At the... At the beautiful
Niagara Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. There we go.
Yeah, it was definitely hot. So, we're working
6 to 2 .30. So, yeah, I got up really early this
morning. And, yeah, I need, yeah. Yeah, 6 to
2 .30 is a great idea, though, because 2 .30.
Yeah, it is. Yeah. I could do it year -round.
Yeah. But when I'm caught podcasting at 9 o 'clock
at night, I'm such a fanky. Yeah, this is true.
Oh, and, you know, today I was vacuuming out
the pool, right? So I see this yellow jacket
struggling, all right? So I'm like, you know,
I'm going to take this net. I'm going to get
that little bastard out because they do do some
good, you know? They kill mosquitoes and some
other things. I take and I get the little bastard
out, and the motherfucker turns around and stings
me on the arm. I'm like, you little motherfucker.
I saved your life and you're stinging. I would
swell up like a balloon. They don't bother me
that bad. It's kind of like a mosquito bite.
But, yeah. Oh, that little bastard. So, anyhow.
If I see one drowning tomorrow, it's staying.
Oh, and I had an email. Someone bitching at me
about, oh, yeah, you got to mention your old
job again. Shut up about it and all this stuff,
right? Okay. I want that person to know that
I sent them a thank you card, and it was very
nice. It was a few months later after I was let
go, and it was from Curacao. They mail anything
from Curacao if you go to the post office, and
they have these different little cards and stuff,
right? and i had it put on it i a thank you card
i said roses are red violets are blue guess who
this is oh yeah fuck you they knew they knew
i was going to curacao so i'm pretty sure but
i don't know if they exactly got it though because
i found out not too long ago that a lot of those
companies They tear them up after you leave.
They get your money. What are you going to do?
Come back to Curacao and go, hey, you never sent
that. They're going, yeah, we did. We sent it.
We sent out everything. It must have got lost
somewhere else. It wasn't us. So I don't even
know if it, I don't know if it even reached it
because I think that's probably what they do
is they just take your money and then tear it
up, wipe their ass with it or something. So,
all right. Over the past year. McDonald's has
struggled to resonate with customers after facing
backlash for dramatically hiking its menu prices
during inflation. To add fuel to the fire, it
also suffered a temporary E. coli outbreak in
a few of its restaurant locations in October,
further scaring away customers. Amid these challenges,
McDonald's sales have declined over the past
few financial quarters, despite its efforts to
win back customers with menu changes and deals.
And the trend continues during the first few
months of this year. McDonald's first quarter
earnings report for 2025 revealed that its U
.S. comparable sales decreased by 3 .6 % over
a year ago. This contributed to the company.
facing a 3 % year -over -year decline in its
operating income, which is its profit after paying
operation expenses. Also, according to the recent
data from Placer .ai, the number of customers
that visited McDonald's stores during the quarter
fell by 2 .6%. All this stuff is alarming if
you're McDonald's. During an earnings call on
May 1st, McDonald's CEO Chris Kapinski said that
the impact of inflation and heightened anxiety
about the economic outlook impacted sales during
the quarter. We entered 2025, and I don't believe
that for one minute, and here's why. You go to
any other fast food place now except McDonald's,
and that line's around the corner. Have you noticed
that? Yeah. Yeah. You go to Taco Bell, line around
the corner. You go to Burger King, even, line
around the corner. You go to a chicken place,
lines around the corner. McDonald's, not anymore.
So during an earnings call May 1st, McDonald's
CEO Chris Kapetsky said that impact of inflation
and anxiety about economic outlook hurt the sales.
We entered 2025 knowing that it would be a challenging
time for the QSR industry due to economic uncertainty
and pressures weighing on the consumer, said
Kavinsky, during the first quarter. Geopolitical
tensions added to the economic uncertainty and
damping consumer sentiment more than we expected.
Now what they're saying there by the geopolitical
is what they're saying is I think they're trying
to say that the tariffs hurt them, which I think
is another, in my opinion, bullshit. McDonald's
faces another... It is. Fast food's fast food.
Oh, no, no. Wait a second. Okay. Wait a second.
I can see it was a terrorist attack if they're
shipping their food from overseas. Um, okay.
Maybe they do, then. Maybe they get beef from
Japan or something. I don't know. Yeah, you know
what? You're right. You know, that's a good point.
That's a good point. Supposedly, McDonald's gets
their burger out of Oklahoma. Supposedly. Well,
I know they also... I did a report on that. They
used to get them out of Missouri, but I don't
think they do anymore. There used to be some
farms up north. Yeah. There were some farms up
north that were bought out by a big German corporation
that used to be McDonald's. They used to sell
to McDonald's. I don't think they do anymore.
but they used to raise cattle specifically for
McDonald's. But anyhow, McDonald's faces another
major threat as McDonald's struggles to attract
customers to its restaurants. It has another
major problem on its hands that threatens impact
sales. Between June 24th and June 30th, which
is going on right now, the fast food chain will
face a major boycott from customers. which the
People's Union USA is organizing. The group previously
organized boycotts of Amazon, Walmart, and Target
earlier this year. In a recent Instagram post,
the People's Union USA founder, John Schwartz,
said that the group is calling for a boycott
of McDonald's for five reasons. First, he alleges
a fast food chain pays less in taxes than the
people serving the food. Now, this is what this
guy is saying. I'm not saying this is true or
not. I'm just reporting this story as it was
written. McDonald's benefits from loopholes and
offshore tax heavens, allowing them to pay a
fraction of what they should, he wrote in the
post. Meanwhile, their minimum wage employees
pay more in effective taxes than he, the billion
-dollar corporation they work for. Second, he
claims McDonald's is one of the worst offenders
of price gouging, as it has dramatically raised
prices in the last few years, despite ranking
in record profits. Ranking, not ranking. Third,
Schwartz claims McDonald's has a long history
of anti -union tactics, silencing employees,
and avoiding accountability. They use franchise
loopholes to dodge direct responsibility while
lobbying against higher wages and benefits, Schwartz
wrote. Fourth, he alleges that McDonald's exploits
global supply chains and environmental loopholes,
and his supply chain is connected to deforestation,
poor labor conditions, and unsustainable agricultural
practices. 50 said McDonald's likes to perform
DEI for the camera, but they do the opposite.
While McDonald's runs DEI -focused ads, they
do not practice it, is what he said. And that
is all five of it. And the boycott is actually
going on right now, and it is hurting McDonald's.
Okay, you're not going to see it around here.
No. You know what? Me too. A lot of what I read,
I believe my own opinion and your own opinion
is they do. Yeah, because I, well, for one, I
know a manager or two. Yep. You know, you're
right. If you do your research, there are McDonald's
around this world. And I think that a lot of
these other companies are basing these prices
off places like McDonald's. That would not surprise
me one bit. I've got one for everybody right
here, okay? They're not the only corporation
that does this. You know, I talked about the
cruise line. That's what I'm saying. One person
does it, they're all going to do it. Well, I
talked about the cruise lines a couple of broadcasts
ago, right? Okay. They register their ships to
Panama and places like that. That way they don't
have to pay taxes to America. Although they do
business in America, their business is not registered
in America. So, you know, allegedly and all that
stuff. But, you know, you can look it up. So
they're not the only ones. There's virtually
every corporation around. And that's one of the
problems we have here in America is that corporations
don't pay shit. Actually, you know, Joe Taxpayer
pays it all. We foot the whole bill because these
corporations have so much clout and so much push
and pull that they can go into a place. It happened
down the road here. There's this redevelopment
for a shopping center that's kind of like going
under and kind of becoming urban blight. So every
place that decided to move in there got tax breaks
for like 30 years. They pay either little to
no taxes to be there. That happens all the time.
We can't do that. I get everything my dad told
me now. Yeah, yeah. Back in the 80s, man. I get
it now. Hang on, Rob. We're growing up. What
the hell? What are we doing? Shit. Damn it. Growing
up? Fuck, we're old. No, no, no. What I'm saying
is this is a podcast. What the hell? Dick jokes.
No, I'm joking around. We can be serious. Oh,
yeah. bit i do we need to talk about that a little
bit more because i've got some ideas about stuff
and i don't want to be a traditional i do not
want to be a traditional political show oh so
and so i don't i don't want to go into the bombings
and shit i want to go into what life should be
I would like to go into the inner workings of
the government and how stuff works and how people
can change it if they're smart enough to do it.
There are so many things that people can do that
they think they're powerless and they're not.
But you know what? That's a whole other thing.
But we're talking about it. I still want to do
the real story with Topher. We're still working
on that. We're not just douchebags. We're sports
bastards. We're music creeps. We're going to
expand even more. And one of these ones right
here, we're going to really, really just love
more than anything, and we may do that with the
douchebags too. You know what I mean? It may
be a feature one as well. But we are not limited
to dick jokes or anything like that. We have
a lot more to offer, we feel, and you're going
to see it. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, we tell big
jokes. We bullshit. But we also get real. Yeah,
yeah. Yep, well, I mean, to me it makes sense.
I always loved a format like this. Man Cow did
it very, very well. Bubba the Love Sponge did
it. Even Johnny Derrick did some of it. But what
it was, was you save all the really, really raunchy,
silly stuff, For bits that your guy produced
for you, you know, like Bubba had like Ned, a
character, an old dirty old man. And then he
had, you know, other characters that were on
there and they all filled their roles. Man Cow
did the same thing. All of them do, or most of
them did, you know, Stern, no different. So you
save the really raunchy stuff for the bits. And
then the more serious stuff you talked about
in between. And I think that, like, we didn't
even mean to, but we're kind of doing something
like that to where we save the real dirty stuff
and the raunchy stuff for in the middle. And
then the stuff we're talking about like this
right here is what it is, you know. So, and if
it gets raunchy, so be it. It doesn't matter.
Yeah, we want to get real with you guys, too.
We just don't want to joke with you all. We want
to get real. Yeah, because there's a lot of stuff
to talk about. Yeah, and that's another thing
too that has been so very underrated is this
right here. Just two guys talking about stuff,
not trying to sound like anything, not trying
to be uber intelligent, no talent on loan from
God, none of that stuff, none of it. Just two
guys talking. We talk about Slacker when he passed
away and all that, and we kind of did our little
tribute show. One thing he did very well was,
yeah, rest in peace. Great guy by everybody that
knew him. So what he did so very well was, is
he was like the guy down the street you talk
to. Just like, you know, people call in and just
like, yeah, you know, he was just a regular guy
that was on the radio. And there's so much brilliance
to that. You know, he kind of went the other
way when he got his morning show. And it worked
out very well. That's what people liked. You
know, they're like, yeah, you know, he just,
you know, he does some mad ha ha stuff, but not
too much. He's more like a guy that, you know,
you wake up in the morning, he's talking to someone
about the game the day before, you know, that
kind of stuff. So, um, it, I guess it just depends
on how you feel you're going with everything.
And I don't, you know, I still don't know where
this is going to you. Yeah, no, but I love it.
I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. You know, we got
this podcast going. I'm going to put the name
on the front of my truck. I want people to recognize
me, and I want to be real with them. You know?
I'm not doing it for my knowledge. There's one.
I'm a big fan of, they don't do it so much now
because we had to move where we were at because
they opened up a whole new space. Let me explain
this. Okay. At the River Market, the City Market
in Kansas City, where Topher and I do our show
from, the place, the magical table is full anymore
because City Market Coffee, where we're stationed
at, out in front of it. had opened up a place
right next to it called Murmuration, and it's
kind of like an eatery and a place to get, like,
mixed drinks and stuff like that. It's a cool
place, but the place is so full anymore, we had
to move our operations outside of that area a
little bit, and we don't have the people coming
by. Like, the last one that we talked to is Wyatt.
It started off with a... Oh, I love him. Yeah,
Deep, what's his name? Deep Sky. It started off
with Deep Sky. And we always found these interesting
people. And we found people from all over the
country talking about their football team. And
I'm a big fan of that. And if you see anybody
you think it sounds interesting that wants to
jump on here, I say do it. I think it just makes
everything so much more interesting. And that's
another thing, too. Some people, whenever you
say the word podcast, they get scared. I don't
got anything to say. But the ones that do are
very interesting. Like Wyatt was a very interesting
guy. He's an older African -American gentleman
that loved Metallica and butt metal. I want to
hear it more. I only saw him one more time up
there at the river market. He says he's up there
all the time, so it must be when I'm not there.
Because I looked for him because I wanted to
talk to him some more. And I saw him one time
at Christina's Produce. And he said hi and everything,
and that was it. I mean, we were doing our podcast
just right up, and I was going and using the
bathroom, and I was getting ready to say, hey,
you want to come up and talk? And he already
left. So, I mean, I don't know if he's not interested
in talking anymore or if he's just, like, busy.
So, anyhow, people like Wyatt are always, and
also. I have them questions about the women in
my life, you see. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, Wyatt also
has a good eye for women, too, boy. He'll point
them out real quick. I always love that, too.
You go, hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, that's a boy.
Look at that one right there. It's just real
men I have a problem with. And when I do real
men, they're like carp. I can't get rid of them.
Can I just say that? Yes, I did. Yeah, carp are
greasy. Anyhow. You know what? It is getting
near 9 .30. You want to go ahead and cut this
bitch off? Yeah, seeing how I'm working. My loan's
going off. When you said you go to work at 6
to 2 .30 now, I'm thinking I'm going to get,
yeah, okay. Anyhow. I do have one other shout
out. Okay. My son has got me watching a lot of
YouTube TV. Mm -hmm. Kill Tony? Yeah, Kill Tony.
And what is it on? YouTube. YouTube, okay. Okay.
Okay, I'm going to look it up. And they have,
oh my God, I don't know how many episodes. What
is it? It's a comedy roast. And it's YouTube
TV, not YouTube. Yes, yeah. Okay, all right.
Well, no, I think you... Okay, I'll look it up.
Mm -hmm. Uh -huh. Okay. Okay. I've seen the dumbass
from... Oh, what was that Christmas movie? Home
Alone. Oh, the kid? The child? No, no, no. The
dumbass robber. Not the mastermind. Oh, okay,
okay. And what they do is they have people on
the street come in. And I think it's based out
of Houston. Sorry, I'm on YouTube. And Sebastian
Bach, you're talking about him. My computer picked
it up. He hits his guitarist in the head with
a microphone accidentally when he's twirling
it. Oh, my God, it's brutal. You got to see this.
Oh, man. Okay, anyhow, go ahead. I'm sorry. What
they do is they get these, like, walk -on comedians,
plus they have big -name comedians, come up for,
like, three minutes or whatever, do their comedy
act, and then the panelists just lay into it.
It's a roast. You know what, I think I'd like
it, so okay. All right, thank you. Yeah, like
I said, they got a lot of big -time comedians
that are on the panel. They have rap artists
on the panel. Just anybody and everybody. I'm
enjoying watching it. I laugh my ass off all
the time. All right, everybody check it out.
I'm going to check it out, that's for sure, after
I watch. It's called Kill Tony. Okay. After I
watched Sebastian Bach nail his guitarist a couple
of times more with his mic. Anyhow, everybody,
thank you for listening. Good night, assholes.
Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the
show's over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea
and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes.
They'll be back invading your ear holes soon.