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And finally... I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
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Douchebags and a Microphone. We talk. You watch
the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand
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post apocalypse. Learn your soils. You will need
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methods, and wild game will attract to the water
as well. Hey, my fellow heavy breeders, this
is Dash Riptide, your music news. Aerosmith might
be on a permit vacation, but Joe Perry is not.
The Joe Perry Project is back and touring. The
guitar legend is doing his first solo gigs that
hasn't been in tact since 1982. You want to see
him? Get a ticket to the East or West Coast.
No middle on this tour. Thanks for nothing, JoJo.
This is Gash Rooktine, and that was your music
news. If it's too loud, you probably have ear
damage, just like me. Two douchebags and a microphone
invade your ear holes in... Hey! Who took a dump
in the cooler? Two douchebags and a microphone
in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer
you... First world problems. I can't believe
the coffee grinder is broke at the big box store.
There's no way I can be expected to grind my
coffee beans every damn morning. So you want
proof that we love you here at QD Spades and
Microphone Central? Here's a proof right here
about the drink of the week. Hey there, you little
snack cakes. This is Norwegian's Best Drinks.
Norwegian Cruise Lime has long been known as
one of the best drink makers on the high seas,
if not the best. In this drink, it's no different.
It's one of the most popular, and it's really
good. A smoked peach margarita. It involves one
ounce of 1800 silver tequila, one half ounce
of mezcal, a quarter ounce of triple sec, half
ounce of organic agave, half ounce of peach puree,
and one half ounces of fresh wine juice. Garnish
with hibiscus salt on the rim and dried blood
orange slices on the rim. Add all ingredients
and shake. And don't be bashful. Shake like nuts.
And then... print in a glass with crushed ice,
and enjoy. This is Joshua Belmont, your food
for thought man on The Hustle. So I just realized
a genius that gets absolutely no credit. His
name is Marshall Taylor. He is credited with
the first bag of salad mix that was bagged and
sold. Yesterday was his birthday. I believe he
is still alive. This guy's genius will never
be fully appreciated. Before this man... We settled
for iceberg lettuce with maybe a couple of croutons
and some cheese. Was Mr. Taylor satisfied with
that? Hell no. He realized that Billy Americana
would never go out and buy a couple of radishes,
a couple of carrots, a head of purple cabbage,
maybe snow peas, and possibly some cute romaine
lettuce for extra bougie. Mr. Taylor, you should
have a national holiday. Hi there. This is your
ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?
I thought we were friends. Two douchebags and
a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas City
facility at the Talk is Cheap studio. And I am
Rob at the Duck Blind studio at beautiful Angle
Arm of Lake Deozon. Yes, yes. Hey man, take a
bow. Beautiful and quite toasty arm. Oh, yes.
Yeah, we got some real ball sweats going on right
now. Some real fucking swamp ass is going on
right now. Yeah, the only way to get any relief
is to go down to the lake or the creeks. Jump
in that motherfucker and erase your ball gravy
and swamp ass in one swipe. Right? Hell yeah.
So, Rob, I don't know if you want to talk about
it yet or not, but you have a new piece of art
that I saw that I really like. You want to get
into it? Okay. Yeah, I just got this. I've been
wanting to get another tattoo since I just got
the microphone just a couple weeks ago. I love
the other one, but I love this one maybe even
more. Or a tribute to my mama. Well, just like
we're talking about, you know, we're both mama's
boys, and we're proud mama boys, yes. Yep, I
love my mama beyond words, and that's never going
to change. If you give a shit about it, we'll
whip your ass. That's right, mama's boys are
the shit. Mama's boys are the ones that respect
women, because they love their mom and they respect
mom. Yes. Yeah. And my son is the same way. So
anyhow, Rob, congratulations. I'm glad you did
a tribute to her like that. I'm sure she's in
heaven looking down going, you know, that's my
boy. Yes, she is. And he's a mama's boy. I did
it in old English letters. It looks fantastic.
Yeah, so it's my mom's side of the family. It
originally came from England. I'm telling you
what, Sailors, the name of it is Sailors, right?
Yeah, yeah. It was actually the same woman that
did both. I'm telling you if you guys need us
some good artwork. I mean that they do a top
-notch job Rob It's got a nice tattoos Oh, I
bet they do. People go down there, get a couple
of pops, and next thing you know, they're getting
a muda on their fucking forearm, right? Yeah,
I did. I had like a three -hour wait. Oh, wow.
Yeah, I went in, did my paperwork, and she said
it's going to be about two, three hours. I'll
call you. Well, I showed up three hours later.
I'm going to visit some friends, old friends.
Oh, that's cool. Hang on. I'm going to try to
raise your volume just a smidge. All right, go
ahead. Yeah, I'm going to end up going and getting
it. Excellent, excellent. Yeah. I got an article
here that I thought I wanted to lead off with,
this monologue or whatever the hell you want
to call it, bullshitting or banter or whatever.
Gen Z and a good portion of millennials, this
is called micro -retirement, okay? Gen Z and
a good portion of millennials have normalized
a heavier focus on well -being and a good work
-life balance. The younger gens are taking time
between jobs instead of waiting until retirement.
The younger ones are prioritizing their mental
health, personal fulfillment, and meaningful
experience over a singular focus on career longevity
and advancement. that that is brilliant. You
and I have been talking about Gen Z's not that
stupid, like a lot of people try to portray them.
They, to me, go ahead. My son, my son is 20.
He'll be 21 October 1st. Okay? He's already got
an IRA going through work. You know, and I have
both the kids set up on my retirement IRAs. That's
excellent. You and I were drinking nitrate and
trying to get ass. Right, right. Yeah, I'm surprised
we did so well. Okay, so Gen Z is much more savvy
than anyone gives them credit for. You know,
I'll give you a great example. I took much longer
to figure out what they already knew early on,
and I'll explain this right now. When my former
job did what they did, Get rid of the old guy
we used up and look for a younger, more naive
one to screw over compensation -wise with promises
of great things to come? You know that place?
Yes. I then realized I wasted a good chunk of
my life for pieces of trash that didn't care
about me in the least. My awakening happened
with the outrage of people I trusted lying to
my face. It does not take Gen Z to do that, and
I'll go on with this, okay? Gen Z already knows
this, and a lot of millennials are like this
too. They've already figured this out by watching
us. You see what I'm saying? They're observing.
They're not stupid. I had offers the next day.
One was a company right across the street from
the shop with a former co -worker who hated them,
and he heard what happened. He's like, come on
over, man. He had a job for me, more money the
next day. You know, I was wanting to get out
of all that, but I'll go into that here. So,
I had installers I worked with in the past call
me up, old managers and supervisors of that place
that I worked at as well, but I was ready to
turn into another direction career -wise, but
not before my long -awaited break that I had
an epiphany, that I had an awakening on, okay?
I only realized this 30 -plus years later, Rob.
30 plus years later, I realize this. Gen Z is
already knowing this. And they know this because
they're watching you and me and seeing us get
dicked around by people that we thought liked
us. Yeah, that's exactly how my son has looked
at by watching me go through struggle. Yeah.
You know, work for people $12 an hour when I
should have been making $15, $20. Yes. We didn't
know our self -worth. They do. Yeah. Yeah, isn't
that something? And that was for somebody I considered
one of my best friends. Bingo. Bingo. Same thing
here. Oh, we love you. Well, yeah, that's too
bad, Rob. That is too bad. No, these people,
they acted like my buddies, my friends. You know,
every time I see them, hey, how's Val? Hey, how's
Mom? Is your mom doing okay? You know, all this
stuff. And then I find out later, you know what,
if it comes to her fucking pocket, no. You're
coming second or third or fourth or fifth. Their
pocket comes first. So, you know, I realize it's
30 -plus laters, like I said. Before I went back
to work, and in a different industry, which I
love and I'm doing very well at, so I took a
four -month vacation slash rest to do the things
I thought would be fun. Val and I pampered ourselves
with sunset cruises, cabins in the woods, mountains,
and beautiful valleys. My mental health has never
been better than now, post four -month break.
This enabled me, and this is like almost four
years ago, and I've been dialed in ever since,
feeling great. This enabled me to realize my
true self -worth. I knew getting out of building
and trades was what I would have to do to remain
happy, and it worked. You know, I wish I would
have known this years ago. Gen Z has this dead
to right right now, you know. And like you said,
your son has watched you get your ass kicked
by people that supposedly like you and love you
and supposedly care about you, and they see you
get your ass kicked in, and they're like, I'm
not doing what that guy does. You know, I love
him to death, but man, look, he's getting fucked
around by all these people that supposedly loves
him. Is that the way you see it? Yeah, yeah.
And now, I have found a very good company to
work for. Yeah, I work my ass off. And so do
I. That is to my choosing. I can ask to get off
that saw anytime. Mm -hmm. Health -wise. years
old there's 30 year olds that don't want to do
this physical labor there's 20 year olds that
don't want to do what i do and it's not that
bad so you know i mean well i mean you know what
40 year olds i mean the 40 year olds they're
starting to feel the daily pains they're like
how the hell do you keep doing it rob you're
not i don't know you are an anomaly you're not
the norm I just, oh, and I go out, give the day
150 to 100%. Yes, yeah. So that's the way I was
taught. Exactly, and me too, me too. You know,
and the thing is, is now that I look back at
it, you know, I'm like, man, I wished I would
have known this sooner. But then again, if I
wouldn't have known it sooner, maybe I wouldn't
appreciate what I have now. So, I don't know.
I tried getting on with bigger companies. I tried
getting on with Kansas City Power and Light,
but they wouldn't hire me because my dad worked
for them. They didn't hire a family. Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah. That's a union thing, yes. That'd
be great. That'd be great. That would have been
my way in. Yeah. There's a way I know people
have done it, but it involves changing your name
and then changing it back after you get on. Yeah.
If you don't have the same last name, they don't
question it. And I'm not going to say who did
it because they can maybe. We didn't. It's just
that so many of his co -workers knew me growing
up. Oh, that's why. Okay. Okay, that's why. Yeah,
I mean. Because I know two people that changed
their last name. got on the certain union, and
then they changed it back. By that time, they
already hired him, and there was nothing they
could do about it. And if they did, it would
be retaliation. Do what now? He was my stepdad.
Wow, and they still wouldn't hire you. Well,
it's because everybody knew, and he wasn't going
to lie to them. He was a union steward for 20
-some years. Yeah, he had to go by. He wasn't
going to lie to them. Yeah, he had to go by the
rules. You're right. Okay. Well, that makes sense.
And he hired on with them. Oh, let's see. He
worked for Western Electric for six months, fresh
out of Vietnam, the Navy. And then he got on
with Kansas City Power and Light until the day
he passed away. Wow. In 1999. Vietnam and then
KCP &L. That sounds like a good man to me, a
good hardworking man right there. Yeah. You want
to say his name real quick? Go ahead. Tom Cooper.
Tom Cooper. Great man. Hard worker. That is the
Duke's dad. The Duke's dad. All right. Well,
you see, the Duke is a chip off the old block.
The Duke. Actually, the Duke is the fourth. Oh,
he's the fourth? Oh, okay. Yes. Yes. Okay. All
right. Cool. Duke, we love you. We know you're
going to hear this. Yeah, we're actually neighbors
now. I know, that's awesome. Yeah, he lives 15
months up the road from me now. Awesome. He dropped
by the other day, yeah. Very cool. What was I
going to say? I had something to say along those
lines, but you know what? I don't know now. Okay.
Okay, so I'm going to go into this here real
quick, and then we can go into some Rob's stuff
that he wants to go into. Anyhow, I'm going to
go on a little bit of a rant here because this
needs to be said. There's a lot of people that
feel the same way. I will explain exactly what
I'm talking about, so hang with me here. Anyone
that knows me or listens a lot knows. Oh, I know
what I was going to say. Los Angeles, you guys
are fucking killing. Thank you. They're our largest
market by far. Really? By far. Yeah, thank you,
LA. Wow. All right. Anyone that knows me or listens
a lot knows that I cruise a lot. We almost always
cruise with Carnival. The biggest reason we usually
go to Carnival is because I went to so many Carnival
cruises, I've reached Platinum status. That is
the highest tier based on the amount of cruises
next to Diamond. And I have no desire to go Diamond
because I would have to like, it's, I mean, I
would have to start when I was like three. So,
or do 10 cruises a year like some people do.
In the past, Carnival has done some questionable
things and we stuck with them. We still kept
loyal. People tease and call them Walmart of
the Seas. Carnival seems to have a rowdier crowd,
yes. Google cruiseport fights and see for yourself.
And you'll see a Carnival cruise. So, the Platinum
and Diamond status are their bread and butter.
The loyal base... is not the morons fighting
and being offensive. So enter new bitch in charge
of Carnival. This needle -brained dimwit decided
they're going to take away diamond and platinum
status in favor of Carnival Point's system. Her
and Carnival shit all over the money train in
quest of pennies on the ground. Yes, dumb bitch
in charge, pennies on the ground. You shit all
over the people that made you. You stay loyal.
You don't stay loyal, you're not shit. Guess
what? You're not shit. You guys are going to
be under in three fucking years. And I'll replay
this again when you guys are in bankruptcy court.
Val and I were fine with it because now there
isn't one reason to stick with that low -budget
piece -of -shit train. We stuck with them for
the priority boarding and the free laundry service
and priority customer service that wasn't there
anyhow. Every time I went to customer service,
there wasn't another person there. There was
one person. And they go, oh yeah, if you got
diamond or platinum, you got a whole line to
yourself. Bullshit. They never had that extra
person. I had to wait in line with all the other
goons. So, you know what? Fuck you on that, Carnival.
Carnival spokesperson John Held, another known
idiot, had a question and answer session online
that was abruptly cut short because of the outrage.
Old John held that fucking English piece of shit
bastard, in my opinion. Couldn't handle it. 15
minutes of people telling him he sucked and to
shut the fuck up. He was out. He was gone. He
had his little British tail up his ass and he
was running away. Just like Carnival. I personally
know a lot of Carnival cruisers and all of them
canceled. One friend had three booked and canceled
every fucking one of them. This was such a strong,
yeah, yeah, and I canceled mine. Everybody that
I know canceled theirs. So how you like that,
Carnival? Suddenly you went from stock to reasonable,
now you're junk stock. You remind me of fucking
Xerox back in the fucking 80s. Ouch. Yeah, this
was such a strong opposition that Carnival released
a statement backtracking, saying it wasn't for
sure. I know better, and so does her former loyal
base. Crews of the dirtbags might go under because
of this dumb bitch in charge. Allegedly, my opinion,
and all that stuff. Carnival claims to be the
cheapest, but if you tally up and add on all
the bullshit, it's not any cheaper like they
claim. So let's see, a balcony room for two,
close to $3 ,000. Wi -Fi is, oh, probably about
$350. All right, drink package, $850 for two.
Shore excursions, another $600. So let's see.
Okay, the way I tallied that is pretty close,
if not over five grand. I can go to NCO and get
all of those for under that. Norwegian Cruise
Line is a better deal if you look at it and you
break everything down like I did. The only reason
I was staying with Carnival is because they were
loyal to me because they knew I took so many
cruises with them. Well, right now, they can
suck my fucking dick because I'm never going
back to them. I don't care if they offer me a
free cruise. I'll go over there, I'll piss on
it, and I'll fucking shove it in their mouth.
Those guys suck, and you guys are going to figure
out how bad you suck when you go under. Dumb
bitch in charge, you're going to be lucky to
run a 7 -Eleven after this. So, Rob, we turn
to you. All right. I'm going to jump to the sports
world. All right. Yeah, I'm going to totally
turn this around. I've been watching MMA and
UFC quite a bit lately. Uh -huh. It's gotten
to be my new thing. Well, there's been a shakeup
this last week in the MMA world. Okay. Do you
personally think that's true or not, Rob? Yeah,
I do. Because he has not fought in over a year.
Okay. Mm -hmm. Ooh. Okay. Mm hmm. He claimed
she called him after the crash and he questioned
the legitimacy of the person she handed the phone
to, citing unprofessional language. Wow. Jones'
surprise retirement ends a legendary controversial
career with a 28 -1 record, titles in two divisions.
He exits as Tom Espinal, takes over the heavyweight
crown. And everybody's saying this Tom Espinal
would have took Jones. And that's the guy who
was dodging? Yeah, give the belt up. That's not
unusual. That used to happen in boxing all the
time. Someone didn't want to lose, so they dodged
the guy as long as they could, and then it came
to where the WBC would come up and go, hey, you're
fighting this guy, or we're stripping you of
the title. It happened several times. So this
is very believable with Dana White. He probably
did the same thing. He said, hey, you've got
to fight this guy. Everybody wants to see you
fight this guy, or give me the fucking belt.
These people look like they want to see. Yeah,
Dana White may like the guy. He may like the
guy personally, but he needs that fight. He needs
that fight to happen. If he ain't going to do
it, then you know what? They can stay friends,
whatever, but you got to do what the guy wants
you to do because he is the guy that gives you
your paycheck. Yep. All right. That was a good
story. Thank you, Rob. You want to go to some
emails when we get back? Yeah, sounds good. All
right. Sounds good. We'll be right back. Hey
there, Slapmets. It's time for the Creeps Music
News. Hey, my little pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny
Rohypnol with your music news. Ozzy Osbourne
and Black Sabbath's Back to the Beginning farewell
concert in Birmingham, England on July 5th will
be available for a worldwide livestream. The
livestream priced at $29 .99 can be purchased
and accessed at backtothebeginning .com. The
event starts at 10 a .m. Eastern Time and includes
a 48 -hour video on -demand replay. This is according
to Billboard Magazine Online. This is Johnny
Rohypnol. That was your music news. And remember,
bar chords are bullshit. Hey, look. I think we
found land. Oh, my God. I think we're safe. Oh,
no. It's an island of horrible jokes. A skeleton
walks into a bar. He says, hey bartender, I'll
have one beer and a mop. Your mama's so ugly,
your dad takes her to work every day so he doesn't
have to kiss her goodbye. Harambe used to listen
to our original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder. Harambe
does not listen to our original show, Two Dipshits
and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder
anymore. You might ask why Harambe never listens
to our original show, Too Gypsious, in a cheap
Radio Shack realistic tape recorder. Well, it's
because Harambe is dead. Senselessly murdered
because some idiot did not watch her child properly
while looking on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does
not listen to our original show, Too Gypsious,
in the cheap Radio Shack realistic tape recorder,
or any other show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Introducing
Rob Rad's new book, How to Track Your Enemy by
Scent. That's right, smell your enemy before
they get you. Order this gem now and get a free
virtual tour of Rob's secret bunker in Camderton,
Missouri. Also receive a free copy of his new
book, How to Clean Raw Sewage for Food. Hey there,
fuckstick. You're just in time for brand new
feature news nobody gives a shit about. Hey,
John Phineas, man. has grown a 63 -leaf clover.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, I
wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so have
we. That's why we give you The Origin of. This
is The Origin of Eyeliner. Eyeliner originated
in ancient Egypt and it's been used for thousands
of years across cultures. In Chad, young men
from nomadic clans wore kohl eyeliner to attract
wives. In the Katali, dancers wore kajal to tell
stories through their eyes. In Iran, women use
eyeliner as a symbol of resistance. More annoying
than a 3 a .m. piss boner. And a microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City chapter at The
Talk is Cheap. The Talk. You know what? If I
could say it right, I would probably say The
Talk is Cheap Studio. There you go. All right.
And I am Rob in the Duck Blind Studio at the
beautiful Niagara Arm of Lake Dioza. All right.
Thank you, Rob. All right. We have some e -mails
here. All right. Hey, guys. I've been traveling
by car for over a week now, so I'm forced to
listen to other podcasts. I want to know if you're
familiar with Joe Rogan and his podcast. Yes,
of course. Do you have an opinion on him? Ronnie
and Tulsa, the Tulsa King. He's very good. He
isn't a humorous podcast, but, oh, my God, I've
got to close the window. I got some pollen right
down my throat. Oh, well. Or something like that,
some sort of allergen. Okay, he is in a humorous
podcast, but more informative. Are you familiar
with him, Rob, at all? I've heard a lot about
him. I personally have not listened to him, but
I've heard bits and pieces, like on YouTube.
My son watches YouTube a lot. Yeah, he's on YouTube
all over. Okay. I mean, he has interesting guests
and big guests. I can see how he got his success.
I'm more of a humor guy myself, but he has a
huge base of listeners. I mean, he is the biggest
thing in radio slash podcast right now. He's
huge. So he's doing something right. He may not
quite be my cup of tea, but I can tell you I
have listened to him a couple of times, and he
can hold your interest. It's just that I'm a
unique listener. I've got to have more bam, bam,
bam. I get bored easy. If it isn't fast, if it
isn't going fast and steady, I get bored and
my mind wanders. He did hold my interest for
a while, but then after a while I get bored.
And I think probably, Rob, you're probably the
same way, aren't you? Yeah, yeah. You can only
listen to the same thing so much and then you
want something different. Yeah. And I'm like
that listening to music. Yeah, me too. Me too.
I'll go on every fucking category because I get
bored. So I'm really not a good guy to ask about
that type of a podcast, but I can tell you this.
I can see why he's big, and I can see he's very
intelligent by the way he does things. He gets
guests on there that doesn't just attract one
type of listener. He attracts every type of listener
around because of the guests that he gets on
there, and he's very intelligent. He has questions
that are aimed very specifically that people
want to hear. He does his research. He's very
good, and he is more successful than anyone else
right now, so there you go. Next one. Rob, I
volunteered for the... Oh, by the way, thank
you, Tulsa King. I hope you're enjoying yourself.
It sounds like you are. And like Rob said last
week, travel, have fun, enjoy yourself. And when
you get back, we'll be looking forward to, well,
you're sending emails anyhow, but still. Anyhow,
all right. Which we love. Rob, I volunteered
you for the potluck dinner here at the Lake Freeman
Time Shareholders Annual Picnic. We'd like you
to provide some deviled eggs and possibly some
German -style potato salad. How about a few batches
of fried chicken while you're cooking, and maybe
a couple of homemade apple pies with whipped
cream and Blue Bell ice cream, vanilla. Talk
to you soon, buddy. Mitch, Chairman of the Lake
Freeman Massey Creek Arm Timeshare Division of
South Central Cass County. I need a date and
time. There you go. So you are going to make
the deviled eggs, the German... If I can. If
I can, I have a busy next couple weeks. Mitch,
get it to him. We're coming up on Fourth of July.
Mitch, you better get to him. And I have a concert
to go to on the 28th. Okay, so he's not going
to be making a potato salad that day. Yeah, I'm
going to the Ozark Mountain there. How's your
fried chicken, Rob? Is it good? Oh, yeah. My
chicken's always good. All right, okay. Well,
hopefully it aligns right, Mitch, because if
you are, you're going to get some great fried
chicken, some deviled eggs, a German -style potato
salad, homemade apple pies, whipped cream, and
blue vanilla ice cream. Hey, while I'm up there,
I can drive by the old farm down D .D. There
you go. Good old Double D Highway. Our favorite,
right? Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah. All right. Grandma
and Grandpa's Farm. Cool, I know where that's
at, pretty much. All right, Mark, I'm backing
up what the listener said on her email. You really
don't give yourself enough credit. You make me
laugh out loud on some of your gag segments.
I listen to other shows, and they might get a
grin out of me. Please don't stop this podcast.
It's a breath of fresh air. Molly in Jackson,
Mississippi. Thank you very much. Thank you.
That's the best thing anyone can say. That's
all we're trying to do, isn't it? That's our
goal. By the way, give Rob some credit, too.
Rob is a huge part of this program. I know I
do the skits and stuff like that, but Rob does
some of them, too. And Rob puts in a lot of creativity
to this podcast. So thank you for what you said
about me. I think it all goes to Rob, too. Thank
you. So, Winnie, I've got a little rebuttal here
that I wrote down that I want to say to Molly.
I mean, this is good stuff here. Whenever people
write this to you, you know you're on the right
path, right? Yeah. Molly, thank you. Oh, go ahead.
It's called constructive criticism. Yes, yeah.
Only there's not much of critiquing in this one,
and we appreciate it. Molly, thank you. Rob and
I plan on doing great things on this show. We'll
always strive to be better and to give top -notch
entertainment to our audience. We have numerous
ideas we can't wait to implement. We cannot thank
you enough for your loyalty and tell your friends.
If your friends like this type of stuff, tell
them. Make them listen. Go over their phone and
download it for them. Hit them in the face if
they... No, I'm joking. All right. Rob, where
do you have a picture of your tattoo at? I would
love to see it. Thanks, Frank in Luxembourg,
which is a country. Frank, thank you. Now there's
two tattoos. Oh, I said now there's two tattoos,
Frank. So go ahead. Both pictures are on the
Two Douchebags on a Microphone Facebook page.
There you go. Look it up. There's two Facebook
pages, one that Topher created, which we're going
to be doing our Music Creeps and Sports Bastards
this week. So yeah, I look forward to not listening
to that. So look them up. It's on Facebook, and
both tats are on there, right? Yep. All right.
Hey, douches, I want to send you guys a little
gift from myself for helping me through some
dark moods. I was in a real funk. I have always
had a certain degree of depression. The only
way I can burrow through this is with humor.
I make myself listen, and I eventually get to
feeling better. Your show is on the top of my
list. Thank you, guys. Tony with an I from Atlanta.
Another really, really good email. Very flattering.
That email hits my heart. If we can make anybody
out there have a better day, feel better, cut
a little bit of their depression down, if not
all of it, I think we've done what we need to
do. Right? Yes. Yes. And that is my main goal.
You know that, Mark. Yeah, I know. You know what
I was going through when I first started doing
this podcast. Yes, I know. And this podcast has
helped me so much. We've had several. I haven't
read all of them because, I mean, if I read all
of them, I mean, you know, it would take too
long of a segment and we wouldn't get to other
stuff. I mean, we only have an hour, hour and
a half to go, you know, on this thing twice a
week. So we have to fit everything within those
time limits pretty much because we have lives.
So there's been other ones like that. But this
one right here really got me because he was talking
about dark moods and depression. I know so many
people. I thank God every day. I don't know anything
about depression. And I never did. I mean, I
really thank God for not giving me that curse.
My best friend, Davey, he suffers from it. And
it's sad because there's nothing I can do to
help him through it. I can make him laugh a little
bit, but he still goes back to it. He admits
this. I ain't saying nothing that nobody doesn't
know. This is great. Thank you, Tony. Tony with
an I. Thank you very much. This is what we're
trying to do. That's the end of the emails for
this show. So, Robbie, have something. Yeah,
I do. I want to go into that story we talked
about before we went on air. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yes. I love this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course,
I got to take it on beat. I'm not going into
that. The fleet of advanced American bombers
originally designed to drop nuclear bombs on
the Soviet Union took off from the Whiteman Air
Force Base outside Kansas City on Friday. and
a microwave oven to keep their crew fed and alert.
I love that. Yes, yes. And just like any plane
equipped for long -haul flights, the B -2 Spirit
has a toilet, too. They're bombing someone. I
can see someone taking a dump. Hey, hey, let
me know when you're getting ready to bomb, man.
I've got to wash my hands. Worth every penny.
They have a fleet of 19 after losing one in a
crash in 2008. I thought that was a cool story
because I had never thought about that. Rob,
I love that. That is a great story. 18 hours
in the air, you're going to get hungry. You're
going to have to use it. I just love it. The
vision that I get. Cause the way my mind works
is a guy goes, Hey, Hey, Hey man, I got to take
a dump. He grabs a paper, right? Okay. He's got,
I'll be back in a little bit, man. Let me know
when you're getting ready to drop the bomb. And
all of a sudden, you know, he's like, he's like,
Hey, I told you to wait. Hang on. I got to wash
my hands. The way I'm looking at it is like an
old work van. You got a five gallon bucket in
the back. Yeah. Or the guy that I pissed in his
truck, the sod guy. You're pissing this Pepsi.
It wasn't even a Gatorade bottle. It was a fucking
Pepsi bottle. Jeez. At least a Gatorade bottle,
you got more aim, you know, more area for aim.
A Pepsi bottle, you know you're going to get
piss all over you. So, anyhow. And it don't hold
as much, so it's going to overflow. Yes, and
that's the other thing, too. Big Gatorade bottle,
you're fine. It's like, all right, only got half
of it, so I got another piss coming before we
hit the job site. Yay. You know, while I'm on
Gen Z, I've got so many Gen Z stories. I think
I'm going to go into this one and the other one
I won't go into because they're going to get
a big head if I keep propping them up, right?
Yeah. Okay. Gen Z is swapping out their smartphones
for this retro alternative. They need a social
media detox. This goes back to what I was saying.
They're not stupid like people think. They're
pretty fucking savvy. Young folks are desperately
trying to reconnect with the world around them.
The method they have chosen, many of them, dumb
phones. Otherwise known as the millennial era,
Blackberry. Ironically, Gen Z is taken to social
media, which isn't even supported on a dumb phone,
to spread the word. So they got on social media
to let everybody know, get on dumb phones. So,
for months now, Users ranging in age from mid
-20s to late teens have been demonstrated interest
in retro technology like Walkmans, iPods, and
digital cameras. And this goes into what I said
before. I think I've told this. I'm pretty sure
I have. But I have that stand -up arcade game,
an original one. It was a Midway 1942 game, and
it's been converted into 60 of the classic arcade
games like Pac -Man. Galaga, Galaxian, all of
those ones, Asteroids, all of those ones it has
on it of the original block of them that came
out, right? Right, right. The grandkids love
that. So it kind of went, I was like, wow, they
have all this new technology and all of these
new graphics and intricate games and thinking
games, and they love this. Simple. A couple of
ghosts chase you around and you're trying to
eat dots. Yeah. Yeah. For months now, users ranging
in age from mid -20s to late teens have been
demonstrating interest in retro technology like
Walkmans, iPods, and digital cameras. For many,
the BlackBerry craze is a continuation of the
2000s nostalgia core. A time when aesthetics
like Britney Spears -esque McBling, cyber futurism,
and... Other trends like that. It goes into a
few of them, so I'm going to skip over that.
We've come full circle, declared dozens of comments
under posts by TikTok content creators like Notch
Notchie, who uses their platform to show off
her massive retro tech collection. I'm so sick
of Apple, I would give up just about anything
for a Blackberry, one user wrote. Well, they're
pretty easy to get. All commentators also shared
how they scoured sites like Facebook Marketplace,
eBay, and Backmarket in search of BlackBerry
phones to supplement their modern smartphones.
For just a few hundred dollars, these tech -tired
Gen Zers purchased peace of mind and plenty of
questions from older generations would no doubt
remember the spotty... service, super small keyboards,
and less than intuitive user interfaces. I want
to see them go to DOS, don't you? Yeah, why not?
You really want to go back and you really want
to do things old style. Go to DOS and figure
out those bullshit commands you had to give your
computer. You had to do it just right, otherwise
your computer would go, nope, not doing it. Remember
that? You'd have to learn the command. Just like
it's supposed to be and I you know I forgot some
of it But you had to put it on there you had
to type it in just exactly right Otherwise your
computer just keep you locked out like I'm not
doing anything And then they went to fake DOS
and now there's no such thing as DOS There's
no such thing as you and the true computer It's
all interfaces that they you know put on there
for you to see and work on work with so For many,
the growing anti -smartphone movement is also
a way to genuinely embrace the offline world
and be more mindful about content consumption.
The smartphone is not a source of enjoyment anymore.
Pascal, a tech columnist in Montreal, told CBC
News. I think that's Canadian Broadcast Corporation.
It used to be fun, but now people are addicted
to it, so they want to go back to simpler times
using a simpler device. And I think, I agree
with that, don't you? I get sick of all the devices.
I know we do a podcast, yes. You know, podcasts
were around in the late 90s, and I listened to
them then. They weren't called podcasts. They
were called audiophiles. But, so I, you know.
I get what they're saying here. I get sick of
people in the break room with their loud fucking
little ha -ha's and TikTok videos and stuff like
that. And they're over there just having a blast
while you just want quiet. You know, you don't
want like, you know, all that bullshit. You don't
want any of it. But people force you to hear
their shit. You know, I'm like, if you're going
to do that, wear some fucking headphones. Leave
me out of it. I don't want to hear your bullshit.
So I see where Gen Z is coming from. Do you feel
the same way, or what's your thoughts? No, I
feel the same way, yeah. Yeah, it drives me nuts.
I don't want to know your fucking, I do not want
to know your conversation with your great aunt,
fucking Betsy or whoever. I don't give a shit
about Betsy. I don't give a shit about you. So
please don't include me in your personal life.
If I'm behind you in line, I should not hear
your personal shit. It's ridiculous. And so I
get Gen Z. It's too much. It's everywhere. It's
overwhelming. Anyhow, according to a 2024 Pew
Research Center study on the subject, nearly
half of teenagers today say they're online almost
constantly compared to 10 years ago when 24 %
of teens answered the same. Some have even reported
feeling the phantom buzz of a smartphone. I have
too. The smartphone notification and others have
said tapping on the on button is now nothing
less than a reflex. So, there is more, but I
think I got the point across on why people are
going back and, you know, really not embracing
smart technology at all, actually going away
from it and like everything that I just described
to you, all the way to someone at a stoplight
trying to fucking send a text or put a little
like up on Facebook, making you waste your day
behind them, sitting at a green light while they
get this matter taken care of. So, Rob, got something?
Yeah, I do. All right. As most people will know,
at the start of every flight, a flight attendant
will stand up and do an announcement before takeoff.
This typically covers safety instructions, service
information, and updates about the flight's progress.
It includes welcoming passengers on board, explaining
safety procedures, and informing about meal service.
expected arrival time, and any relevant information
about the destination. While important, most
passengers will find it boring to listen to.
That's true. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. However,
one flight attendant, working in spirit... worship.
All right. No shit. There's a few of the flight
attendants that do that, and I've seen one. There's
this one, I'm pretty sure he's a gay male, that
was just so funny. I wish I could remember what
he was saying, but he was saying some stuff similar
to that. And this was on Southwest, and he was
dogging Southwest, but it was in humor, you know.
See, I'm a smoker. I'd be a star in a movie.
I'd have to try it. And also on Spirit, they
need all the help they can get. I'll never fly
them again for a lot of different reasons, but
you know what? That was then, this is now. I
just won't deal with them anymore. I know they,
I think they got bought, so they may be different
now, who knows. But yeah, Spirit is the one where
you can get on the plane, but you basically have
to be naked and in the corner, you know? And
then from there, you can get a seat or whatever.
And then by the time you're done, you pay as
much as any other airline, in my opinion, allegedly,
and all that. Let's take our second break. And
I've got some interesting facts that people may
not know or they might know. So we'll be right
back. Next up, things overheard in hell. Well,
that now has succeeded. Rob is immune to radiation.
Watch him glow. Watch Rob Red jump up 25 feet
and grab birds out of thin air with his mouth.
Rob can now be a mentor for children's parties
and bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come on and rent
you a Rob today. That's right. Come by and rent
Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch Rob consume
seven bottles of night cream and still break
dance and new walk. Watch Rob Red. Fart down
a building. Fart down a building. Rob Red. who
assumes no responsibility whatsoever. He is not
a babysitter, and he doesn't give one hell of
a shit about your children. Please remember to
corral every little bastard you have before Rob
gets there, and Wal will not put up with any
backtalk. He will promptly get them in the place.
Rob Radhead assumes no responsibility for anything
that could be stolen from his visit. Rob Radhead
has no responsibility whatsoever in any help
him of any situation. We're gonna rob today.
Miss Gulkin's team was tired of Mark and Toe
for making sport of her. Little did the douchebag
know Ms. Gilfenstein was a voodoo high priestess
when she was younger. She grew angry and cast
a spell on Rob, changing Rob into a capuchin
monkey. Mark took Rob to a local zoo so he could
be with the other monkeys. Here are the adventures
of Rob, the capuchin monkey. Shh, be very quiet.
We're going to listen in as Rob the Capuchin
Monkey tries to sell the rest of the Capuchin
Monkey's Amway. Rob has always dreamed of becoming
a Diamond Status Amway as a Capuchin Monkey.
Little did our hero Rob know. All the great apes
owned stock in Sam's Club and became violently
pissed off when he tried to infringe on their
territory. They promptly grabbed switches and
beat his ass for three days straight. Rob could
not sit down. Our constant pursuit for a real
knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity. You look like you smell like...
You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse
inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts
beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the post -apocalypse. Make sure and have
plenty of rope. Strong, threaded, durable rope
with a rating of 400 pounds or greater. You need
to know basic knots. so you can go to the library
and download the Boy Scouts handbook and have
a reference to slip knots and other essential
rope tricks. Rope can be used in traps to catch
food or would -be predators. Rope is a key ingredient
in post -apocalypse survival. Two Dishbags and
Microphone is the only podcast available anywhere
with gusto. That's right, I said gusto. Gusto
is a magical ingredient in Schlitz beer that
makes it so damn delicious. So enjoy a little
gusto with your podcast today. Now it's time
for Pick Up Lines from a Loser. Can you take
me to the hospital? I just broke my leg falling
for you. douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark
here in the Kansas City chapter at the Talk is
Cheap studio. And I am Rob in the Duck Blind
studio at the beautiful 9 o 'clock. Take a look.
Alright, like I promised, Rob, I have some interesting
facts you may or may not know. We'll see. Cows,
they have best friends. They can form strong
social bonds with specific individuals within
their herds. Studies have shown that cows prefer
to spend time with certain companions and can
experience stress when separated from them. In
one study, cows paired with their preferred partner
exhibited significantly lower heart rates and
less agitation compared to when paired with a
random cow. Koalas, you know the cute little
bears, right? They have fingerprints that are
remarkably similar to human fingerprints. Even
forensic investigators have been known to confuse
them. Koalas have unique fingerprints on the
pads of their hands and feet, and the patterns
of ridges and whorls are distinct for each individual,
just like humans. The brain knows how to filter
out the nose from vision with both. Your brain
essentially... ignores your nose and the vision
due to a process called unconscious selective
attention. While your nose is always within your
field of vision, your brain focuses on what's
most relevant to you, filtering out information
that isn't deemed important for your daily tasks.
This means your brain doesn't actively process
the visual data from your nose, even though it's
there. You know, and that's a pretty good...
That's a pretty good answer, right? Because our
nose is in our field of vision, but we don't
see it. Right. I never really thought about it
before until this article, and I was like, wow,
I guess that's true. Bananas are naturally radioactive,
but the amount is very small and poses no health
risk. This is because they contain potassium,
and a small percentage of that potassium is radioactive
isotope potassium -40. Eden Banana exposes you
to a tiny amount of radiation, which is less
than the natural background radiation you experience
on Earth daily. And also, and finally, it does
snow metal on Venus. Now, I've heard that before,
and I didn't know if it was true, but apparently
it is. At the tops of Venus Mountains, beneath
the thick clouds, there are metallic frost and
crust formed from heavy metal compounds like
galena and... This phenomenon is due to the extreme
heat on the planet's surface, which causes reflective
minerals like pyrite to vaporize and form a metallic
mist in the atmosphere. At high altitudes, this
mist condenses and deposits as metallic frost
or crust on the mountaintop. So there we go.
I've always heard that it like snowed metal,
and I guess that's true. So Rob. Those are neat
little things if you give a shit about them.
So, go ahead. Actually, actually, I knew pretty
much every one of those. I kind of figured you
did. Mostly about the cattle. Mostly about the
cattle. Well, it's easy to know if you've been
around cattle like I have and you have and been
around farms like I have and you have. You know
this. You see cattle pair off all the time. You
see cows, not cattle. You see cows pair off and
they hang around each other. Yeah, they are different.
They have different cliques, just like schools.
Yeah, and also, you ever see one die, and then
the one over there is close to them grieving?
It's like a human, and it's very sad. Yes, yes.
So, yeah, and it does make me feel bad for eating
beef, but not bad enough to not eat it. It tastes
too good. I know, I know, but man, and I did
get, I got attached to cows. You can have a pet
cow. Yeah. And they are neat animals and they
have their own personalities without a doubt.
So, Rob, we turn it to you. Okay, I found this
one on Golf Digest only because it came across
my news break. Okay. Yeah, I'm not into golf.
This one's pretty cool. Okay. Everything seems
to be fake on the internet these days. So when
we saw the below... offering a fresh pair of
underpants and shorts if anyone had an accident
on the course. That is cool. Another thing I
had never thought about. It does make sense.
Yeah. Yeah. I get it. I get it 100%. And I would
be very thankful if I was in one of those situations,
wouldn't you? Yeah. Like, all right, these are
going to go in the trash. Wait at the bottom
here. I'm going to throw some paper towels on
top of them so you don't smell them. And I'm
going to take those right there and say thank
you very much. I'm part city and part country.
You'll find me behind a tree somewhere. I've
done that enough times. I've never done that
on a golf course, though. On a golf course. Golf
courses, okay. I mean, where you're going to
take a dump at is the rough, right? And there's
tall, tall weeds in there. I don't know about
that, you know. Anything from a snake bite to
poison ivy could be in there. So I think I'm
going to take my chances of holding it in until
I get back to the clubhouse. Well, if I'm in
an ornery mood, I might hit the sand pit. Yeah,
yeah, or if you're really in an ornery mood,
blame it on a cat. Those fucking cats, they think
they're big litter boxes and they shit all over
this place. Look at that. Just lightly bury it.
Hey, come here, come here. Look where that cat
shit right there. That's awful big for a cat.
Shut up. What do you know? Get out of here. Let's
see, what was I going to say? You know what I
do? I take a dump in the back of a golf cart
and just leave it in there. Park it back. You
know, they never check them when you park them.
You just park them over there in the corner,
and they're like, hey, all right, your golf cart's
back. Okay, all right, what's your name? Okay,
well, okay, all right, thank you. All right,
have a good day. And by the time it gets rented
again, they're not going to remember who had
what number golf cart or whatever, right? Someone's
going to get there, and there's going to be a
big steaming pile of shit with flies all around
it. No? Not funny? I guess I got a weird sense
of humor. I think it would, too. So we get over
there, and they come back and go, sir, yeah,
hang on. Come over here for a second. Yeah, what?
What's going on? Someone took a dump. What? Yeah,
in the golf cart, in the back up. There's a big,
huge pile of shit with flies all over it. You're
kidding. A little bit of toilet paper, too. No
way. Yeah, I'm not kidding you. That one right
there, number four, someone shitted it. Hell
yeah. Sounds like fun. You know, I forgot something
here. I have a list from Jeffy X. Oh, right on.
Yeah, I know. So Jeffy X is our sleuth that goes
around and he does these focus groups, right?
So, you know, these products do focus groups
and he sneaks in there and he gets the results
and then he tells you what didn't make it. But
he's not supposed to do this, so they chase him.
They're trying to catch this guy actively. He
wears different disguises and stuff. Rob embroidered
him some Jeffy X underwear with a special Steven
Pearcy pouch on the inside on the front of it.
It has Jeffy on the... back and X on the front
of it and the pouch he can like maybe put in
a couple of tube socks and maybe look a little
fuller down there. We're not saying that Jeffy
X needs it, but they call it the Steven Pearcy
pouch because Steven Pearcy from the Gland Band
Rat supposedly used to stuff his spandex with
a pouch on the inside that was sewn. And also
Rob embroidered him a bat suit, a flying bat
suit and a Sergeant Pepper's outfit. that he
refuses to take off. It is black now, and he's
going to have trouble getting it off because
he's a huge Beatles fan. And Rob has them. Do
you have all seven of them ready, one for each
day of the week for him when he comes and sees
you? Well, seeing how I am single again, I have
had extra time. So, yes, I have them all done.
Jeffy X, they're all there waiting for you. And
me, I'm a simple man. I gave him $2 ,500 for
hooker and blow or his mom for a kidney transplant.
I think he hasn't decided whether he's going
to do that or not. He might get hookers and blow.
So, all right. Okay, so, Rob, how about some
bacon -scented dryer sheets? Or maybe how about
some bacon -scented baby powder? Or how about
some bacon -scented cologne? How about a bacon
-flavored lager? I think a bacon -flavored lager
sounds good to me. Hell yeah. It'd be like a
Bloody Mary beer almost, kind of. Yeah. Or even
a soft drink. I got a bacon soft drink right
here that I got from a specialty store. Now you
can grab them all in a new bacon gag box on Amazon
and other retailers. So with this being known,
and this being in the news about the bacon grab
box that you can buy at several outlets. Our
boy Jeffy X was on it, and he uncovered bacon
-scented or flavored items that failed the focus
panels in testing. So the first one to fail that
Jeffy X uncovered was they were going to do bacon
-scented tampons. I don't know what's... I mean...
I mean, if you were a female, you know, wouldn't
you appreciate that? Go, mmm, bacon. Yeah, yeah.
You know, you're in there, you know, changing
and, you know, not feeling so well. And you smell
some nice bacon. You're like, oh, man, all right,
life isn't that bad. Life isn't that bad, you
know, so. Well, hey, food normally puts them
up at that time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At that time.
Yeah, so, yeah. So I don't know why it failed.
They don't, you know, Jeffy X doesn't tell us
why it did. He just tells us it failed. Right.
Bacon -flavored, bacon -scented condoms and flavored
condoms, too. They didn't work. And I, that for
life, man. I know a lot of women that would like
that. Yes. Yes. Yeah, I don't understand it,
you know. I mean, to me, it goes together, right?
Food and sex, hell yeah. But, all right, whatever.
Then the next one, Bacon Scented Burkas didn't
make the cut. Well, I think I know why. You know,
they don't eat pork. Right. So that one I agree
with. I see, you know, they probably tried them
out and they're like, no, no, no, no, we can't
do this. We can't work. All righty. So the next
one that didn't make the cut was Bacon Flavored
Gatorade. What the hell is wrong with that? Name
me one thing that's wrong with bacon -flavored
Gatorade, Rob. That would be top seller. I hear
angels and hearts every time. Yes, yes. Yeah.
I'm up in arms. I don't know what to say. I drink
four a day myself. Oh, yeah. I would be like
a baby bottle. I constantly have it tipped up.
Yes. I put one of those little nipples on it,
like a baby nipple, right? You know, that they
suck out of the bottle. I put one of them on
it. Yeah, and I would just sit there going, nom,
nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. The whole time.
But we can't. It failed. I don't know what's
wrong with these people. So the next one was
a bacon -scented police vehicle. I think I know
why. You know, police didn't want to be associated
with bacon, which is associated with pigs. You
know. So, I mean, but I thought it might... Okay,
no, I was thinking a totally different way on
that. Oh, what were you thinking? That would
be torture. That would be prisoner torture. Oh,
you know what? That's probably why. Yeah, they
could get cruelty to prisoners. Oh, you're right.
You know what? Yeah, they could get off because
they're like, did you really have a bacon -scented
backseat? Yeah. Why did you do that? I don't
know. Let this guy go. He's been through enough.
So then the U .S. Army got involved and they
wanted bacon -scented missiles. Well, I mean,
I think there's nothing wrong with that. Before
you die, you smell a bunch of bacon. I like it.
I do, too. It's a little, hey, we're going to
kill you, but you know what? We still have a
heart. Right? Oh, these focus panels. I don't
know, man. I don't know what's wrong with them,
Rob. I have another reason for liking that one,
but I will not go into that. Oh, you know what?
Just stop right there. I didn't even think about
that until you said something. Okay. Let's move
right along on that one. Probably a sensitive
subject, especially right now. I know. I know.
Birds will love it. just resting, relaxing, and
I was writing out some stuff, and I was eating
a bagel from City Market Coffee, and a couple
little pieces dropped off on the table, and this
little bird, I think it was a chickadee, came
up and grabbed a big piece of the bagel, you
know, that fell off. I mean, a big chunk of the
crust. And, I mean, he could barely carry it.
I mean, it was, you know, he was all his might.
And then this big bird started chasing him around.
and couldn't catch him. And the little bird started
fucking with him. He started jumping up and down
and waiting for him to almost get there, and
then he'd fly up around a little bit and then
come back down, but not too far away so the big
bird would chase him. And he did this for 20
minutes until I got bored and got back to writing.
I was like, geez, birds have fun too. You know
that one little bird that the big bird was trying
to take his food? He was just kind of like, eh
-heh, you think you're going to catch me? No,
you're not. It was great. So, all right. Bacon
-flavored cigars flopped, Rob. Oh, man. Can you
believe that? That is a man's dream. Cigars and
bacon all in one. I'm getting weepy, Rob. I don't
know what these people are thinking. That made
me start smoking cigars. See? See? I think I
blew it on that one. Another one was they turned
away bacon -scented wash rags. What? Oh, come
on. Could you imagine taking a shower and rubbing
bacon all over your asshole and balls? Wouldn't
that be great? Yeah. Yeah. You can rub it on
your hair, too. Get crazy, not use shampoo. Like
bacon -scented body wash. You can wash your hair
with it, too. Everything. But... Focus panel
said no, so it's not coming out. It hurts my
feelings too, Rob. Hurts my feelings. I don't
know. And then finally, they wanted to do bacon
-scented podcasts, but they couldn't get enough
flavor through the Bluetooth, so that went away.
Wouldn't that be great? Two douchebags, a microphone
now, bacon -scented. Oh, that'd be awesome. Yeah.
Not going to happen. Not going to happen. Because
the focus panel said no. Disappointing, Rob.
Very disappointing. And with all that being said,
we look at you to straighten this shit show up.
Thank you, Jeffy X. We love you. Yes, thank you,
Jimmy. Jeffy, Jeffy, Jeffy. This next story.
Yeah. Hey, his real name is not Jimmy. We want
everyone to know that. It's Jimmy. Yes, no. No,
that was, I was reading a story real quick where
I go into it. Yes. Bonnie Blue's appearance on
Rob Moore's Disruptors podcast on Friday, June
20th showed an in -depth look at the OnlyFans
star's opinion. Now, I want to know, I love the
spin you put on it, but I want to know this.
Does it go into, was it actually ejaculation,
or is it just Ben that just went up there, took
a couple of pokes, and left? Yeah, I guess it
happened on a Father's Day. She's slept with
hundreds of people during the course of her career.
Her behavior isn't directed to society or herself
after later joking. I'm taking their loads, not
shooting up. Okay, then. Yeah. Okay, I guess
that means they all ejaculated. Wow. Yeah. I
don't know. I think I get stage fright. I'm there
with a thousand other men. Oh, my God. I mean,
yeah. I don't know how she did it. Yeah, I mean,
but Rob, let's say you're in that line, okay?
A hundred people just finished not too long ago,
okay? And then you're 101, okay? You get up there.
Everyone's standing there waiting to get in line,
you know, waiting to go after you. And a hundred
people were in front of you. Don't you think,
number one, I mean, it would be like, I guess
they wore condoms. I would hope so. But still,
wouldn't you get stage fright? Yeah, that'd be
gross. Yeah, wouldn't you be like, man, I'm not
getting hard. This fucking, this is sad. This
isn't sexy. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, I just don't.
I would not be able to do it. No, me neither,
man. They'd have to have a hell of a fluffer
or something. I mean, you know. Jeez. Oh, man.
Someone that knew how to work the mouth or something
right before is the only thing I could think
of. Yeah. Do what? They'd have to have like 600
of them. I don't know. I guess so. They'd have
to be like a bullpen and on deck, an on deck
circle. Like the guys over the on deck circle
with his pants down. All right, fluffer number
four, go over there and take care of the guy
on deck. And you over there in the dugout, come
on over here and go over to seven. All right,
this guy's done. Look at the condom. It's full.
Number four, come on over. Is there any more
to that, or is that it? No, no, I'm stopping
right there. I'm stopping right there. I have
a note that I want to go into, and then we can
either continue the podcast or end it because
it's going on 920. Yeah, yeah. All right. decent
sleep tonight because of the heat. Yeah, that's
kind of what I thought. Okay. Number one, music
creeps. I already mentioned this, so if you missed
it, music creeps, sports bastards coming back
this Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm not for sure.
Whatever day works for both of us, Tuesday or
Wednesday, we're going to record it. I'll probably
have it up that night. We have a new Dash Riptide
about the Joe Perry project. We have a... Johnny
Rohypnol with how to get Ozzy's live stream of
the final performance. And we also have a new
segment about people that deserve more credit
than what they got. So, those are new things
coming up. And thank you all for listening. LA,
thank you. You guys are just kicking ass over
there. Kansas City, come on now. Our hometown
here. And Camden does very well. Lake of the
Ozark does very well. Sunrise Beach does very
well. So Kansas City, you've got to, come on,
step it up. Well, you just added the Duke to
Sunrise Beach. Oh, okay. Well, he's part of it
then. All right. So, everybody, thank you for
listening. Have a good night, assholes. Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.