WEBVTT

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Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the

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Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or

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Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's

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phones, unattended computers, public computers,

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and all of my work computers as well, and download

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the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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hereby promise to make other people listen. I,

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Joe or Jane Listener. will hereby lie to everyone

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about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to make all my family members

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listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.

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And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby

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promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,

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just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.

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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't

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stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead

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and assume we got the story wrong. At least we

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admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can

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and will lie if it makes the story better. Two

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douchebags and a microphone. Hey, my fellow heavy

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breathers. This is Dash Riptide. Your music news.

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There are reports and rumors circulating about

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a potential new Led Zeppelin album release in

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2025, possibly including a mix of new and old

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material. While the surviving members, Jimmy

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Page, Robert Plant, and John Paul Jones, have

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reunited in the studio, there's no official confirmation

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of the new album release date from the band.

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The rumors have been fueled by statements from

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band members about working on something very

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special. and by speculation surrounding a possible

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involvement of Jason Bonham, son of the late

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John Bonham on drums. We will keep you informed

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with any more details that become available.

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This is certainly an interesting story and turn

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of events. This is Dash Rooktine, and that was

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your music news. If it's too loud, you probably

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have ear damage, just like me. Next up, things

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overheard in hell. Man, Axl Rose is such a great

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childhood therapist. I hope he writes more books.

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Oh shit, what's that over there? Oh no, it's

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the island of horrible jokes. My hotel tried

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to charge me for air conditioning. That's not

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cool. Two douchebags, a microphone, and an effort

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to keep everything fresh. We offer you first

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world problems. Man, my internet is so slow.

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This is bullshit. How am I supposed to browse

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or get on TikTok with slow internet? I'm so pissed

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off right now. I don't know what to do. Hey everybody,

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this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some

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tips for life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick

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pics. Rule number one, type of a kick in someone

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else's name so if you get busted, it's not yours.

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Rule number two, shoot angles complementary to

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your length and girth. Rule number four, no propping

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of the leg. Absolutely no undercarriage. Very

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important. Have you ever wondered what something

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came about? Have you ever looked at something

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and said, hey, I wonder what the origin of that

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is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you

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the origin of the origin of Lysol. Lysol first

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came to prominence after it was used in Hamburg,

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Germany to help combat cholera epidemic in the

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late 19th century. It was later touted as a way

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to fight the devastating flu epidemic of 1918.

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An ad in the Los Angeles Times that year said,

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help your health board conquer Spanish influenza

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by disinfecting your home. Your mom is so ugly,

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her portraits hang themselves. Two douchebags

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and microphone. I'm here. My name is Mark. I'm

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in the Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap

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studio. All right. It don't get any better than

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that. And if you don't believe me, ask me. Go

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ahead, Rob. Ask me. No. All right. Okay. So,

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is it raining down there? It was supposed to

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be raining up here, but it rained just a little

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bit. And now they're claiming it's going to rain

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tonight. So, we'll see. We'll see what happens.

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Honestly, just a few minutes ago, we got a few

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sprinkles. But, yeah, we're supposed to get rain

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tonight and tomorrow. You guys don't need it

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anymore. Just what we need. Just what we need.

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Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yep. Yep. All right.

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It'll give people that work on boat docks, it'll

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give them extra work, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah,

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because I guess like Table Rock and Bull Shoals

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and Beaver Lake and all of them, a lot of docks

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are floating right now. Yeah. So, anyhow, so

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have you heard about Ed the Zebra? You've heard

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about Ed the Zebra? Oh, oh, oh, no. I thought

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you said Impa Zebra. Oh, no, no. No, we're not

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getting that dark. Hey, this Bluetooth is kind

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of screwing up the hearing here. Yeah, and also

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I got to get a Bluetooth here because, you know,

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like I said, that one I bought from Amazon is

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a piece of garbage. Imagine that. That is so

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weird. So, anyhow, Ed the Zebra. Murfreesboro,

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Tennessee. Ed the Zebra. Ed the Zebra. Okay,

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I got you now. Yeah, not emphysema. Murfreesboro,

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Tennessee. This is the southern region of the

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Nashville Metroplex. A runaway pet zebra that

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was on the loose for more than a week in Tennessee.

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He had become an internet sensation and the process

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was captured, Sunday authorities said. Ed the

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zebra was captured safely after being located

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in a pasture near a subdivision in the Christiana

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community in central Tennessee. The Rutherford

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County Sheriff's Office confirmed the sheriff's

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office said aviation crews captured the zebra.

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Ed was airlifted and flown by helicopter back

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to a waiting animal trailer and the sheriff's

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office said in a statement. video posted by the

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sheriff's office shows ed wrapped in a net with

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his head sticking out and he's carried by a helicopter

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to the trailer it it was funny too you got to

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look it up online because all you see is you

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see this like gunny sack looking thing and you

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just see a zebra's head sticking out looking

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around and he wasn't freaked out or nothing he's

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just kind of like enjoying the ride he's kind

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of like huh yeah all right cool that's cool yeah

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that's cool Yeah, he was just sitting there looking

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around, kind of, you know. I mean, if he had

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a cigarette, he would have smoked it, you know.

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He was just kind of like, uh -huh, okay, all

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right. That's what everything looks like up here.

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Cool, cool. And so the sheriff's office posted

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the video, and it's pretty cool. And Ed arrived

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in Christiana on May 30th, the sheriff's office

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said. His owner reported him missing the next

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day. The zebra was spotted in film running along

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Interstate 24, forcing deputies to shut down

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the roadway, but Ed escaped into a wooded area.

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They show all kinds of footage of him. He's like

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running through yards and hiding behind houses

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and all this shit. I mean, he is a clever zebra.

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He's cooler than hell. And they call him in a

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field in a housing dish. Yes. Dude, just leave

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him there. I know that's what I was saying, too.

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Yeah, they would love the zebra. Yeah, he'd do

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great there. So, the owner obviously doesn't

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take good care of him. He lost him, right? Yeah.

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Yeah, that's true. Yeah, and the HOA would probably

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eventually like him if they have one. So, yeah.

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What would be the funniest runaway animal, you

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think, Rob? Oh, my God. I'm trying to think here.

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I can take the, right off the top of my brain,

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I can take the scariest. What's that? A capuchin

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monkey. A capuchin monkey, yes. No, no, no. I

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would think it would have to be some sort of

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a monkey with a sailor's hat on. It should have

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to be licensed to have whatever we're thinking.

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Okay. I'm thinking it would have to be a monkey.

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No, a chimp, not a monkey. It would have to be

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a chimp, and he would have to have a sailor's

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hat on and little schoolboy shorts, socks that

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go up to his ankles, tennis shoes, and let's

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see, what else? And a wife be there. Yeah, yeah,

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yeah. That would be the funniest. And seeing

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him run around trying to evade people. Seeing

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people try to catch him. And he'd be running

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around. A monkey dressed up like Angus Young.

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There you go. I love it. That would be the funniest

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runaway. Yeah. Yep. No, the authorities and the

00:11:45.940 --> 00:11:48.139
pedestrians both look like clowns trying to capture

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this guy. I mean, if you want a good laugh, look

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it up. It's pretty funny. So, you know, speaking

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of runaway things, I had a runaway pressure washer.

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I'm betting the footage on that was pretty entertaining,

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Rob. Okay, so the high -pressure hose, you know,

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I got a couple of pressure washers now. I told

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you last, I believe, last podcast, right? Well,

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the high -pressure hose that was screwed onto

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the gun of my pressure washer was sitting on

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the hot muffler, unnoticed, of course, and it

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melted. The pressure was so strong that it caused

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the whole machine to lunge forward and chase

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me down the stairs of my deck. I'm not kidding

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you. This thing went, and all I could hear was

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like sizzling because this water's hitting the

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muffler, and the fucking thing jumps up in the

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air and starts following me down the stairs.

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Am I going to have to come up there and teach

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you how to use it? I just, you know what, I already

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got another hose. I just did not notice that

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the high -pressure water hose that connects to

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the gun was sitting on the muffler. And, of course,

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it melted it, and, of course, the water... Yeah,

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yep. And, by the way, you were right about the

00:13:06.730 --> 00:13:10.490
low oil issue. I filled both of them up with

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oil. Yes. Both of them up with oil, and both

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of them started right up. Yeah, that's usually

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on... A pressure washer, that's usually what,

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they won't start if they're rolling on. See,

00:13:24.629 --> 00:13:27.169
that's not common knowledge because I looked

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online everywhere and I could not find that.

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You're the only person that knew that, that I

00:13:34.990 --> 00:13:37.649
know of. I looked on YouTube and all this stuff,

00:13:37.710 --> 00:13:40.769
possibilities, you know, troubleshooting, everything.

00:13:41.529 --> 00:13:44.190
Nowhere could I find that. You're the only person

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that told me that and it worked. And those things

00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:52.899
go through gas and oil like nuts. Yeah, they

00:13:52.899 --> 00:13:55.779
do. I cannot believe how much gas and oil they

00:13:55.779 --> 00:14:00.960
use. I mean, they work great. But they go through.

00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:04.940
Anyhow, I mean, I bet you Google Earth has some

00:14:04.940 --> 00:14:06.799
really good footage of that fucking power washer

00:14:06.799 --> 00:14:10.399
chasing me down the stairs. I might have to look

00:14:10.399 --> 00:14:13.279
that up. Yeah, it's probably on Google Earth

00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.179
right now. They probably got it on fucking Loop.

00:14:15.950 --> 00:14:17.690
And they're, like, going, hey, hey, guys, come

00:14:17.690 --> 00:14:19.710
here, come here, watch this shit. Look, look,

00:14:19.789 --> 00:14:22.230
man, this power washer, like, fucking flips out

00:14:22.230 --> 00:14:24.309
and starts chasing this guy. Oh, no way. Oh,

00:14:24.509 --> 00:14:27.289
man. I can see, like, everybody, like, eating

00:14:27.289 --> 00:14:31.970
popcorn and watching that. So, then on another

00:14:31.970 --> 00:14:34.029
note, Val and I are probably not going to Eureka

00:14:34.029 --> 00:14:37.669
Springs for a while. They have had historic flooding

00:14:37.669 --> 00:14:40.610
down there. The center of town was flooded and

00:14:40.610 --> 00:14:43.070
Beaver Lake was so full it almost was breaching

00:14:43.070 --> 00:14:46.610
over the dam. Yeah. And they're getting more.

00:14:47.070 --> 00:14:49.690
More rain. And Oklahoma's been getting the same

00:14:49.690 --> 00:14:51.929
thing. I mean, there's major flooding going all

00:14:51.929 --> 00:14:55.509
the way through there. And usually this is about

00:14:55.509 --> 00:14:58.649
the time, right, or about, you know, end of June,

00:14:58.669 --> 00:15:01.269
July, when the weather starts settling down and

00:15:01.269 --> 00:15:03.350
you can go down there and not get, like, softball

00:15:03.350 --> 00:15:05.750
-sized hail on the way down, you know. When the

00:15:05.750 --> 00:15:07.490
weather starts settling and more of a summer

00:15:07.490 --> 00:15:09.529
pattern is about the time we start going there,

00:15:09.649 --> 00:15:11.669
you know. And it's a nice little getaway. It's

00:15:11.669 --> 00:15:13.389
three and a half hours away, and you're out in

00:15:13.389 --> 00:15:15.250
the middle. Well, I mean, you know, there's people

00:15:15.250 --> 00:15:18.669
there, but. You're out there in the woods, basically

00:15:18.669 --> 00:15:21.870
in the hills, and it's just beautiful. So I think

00:15:21.870 --> 00:15:26.309
we're going to have to wait this time. Yeah,

00:15:26.909 --> 00:15:33.269
a lot of that. We've been talking about how we've

00:15:33.269 --> 00:15:36.610
had a lot of rain here. Most of the rain has

00:15:36.610 --> 00:15:41.129
hit south of us, down around Branson. Springfield.

00:15:42.309 --> 00:15:48.740
Springfield, yeah. We're just wet. Yeah, the

00:15:48.740 --> 00:15:53.279
northeastern Oklahoma all the way down to Oklahoma

00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:56.340
City, which is more central. It's just been getting

00:15:56.340 --> 00:16:00.419
a shit ton of rain. Oklahoma City, Wichita, Emporia,

00:16:00.419 --> 00:16:02.820
Kansas, all of them have seen historic flooding.

00:16:03.899 --> 00:16:06.779
Emporia, Kansas received like nine inches of

00:16:06.779 --> 00:16:11.740
rain about a week ago. Yeah, and the whole town

00:16:11.740 --> 00:16:15.649
was flooded. I used to take care of that always.

00:16:16.470 --> 00:16:21.490
Oh, the one in Emporia? Emporia, yeah. Okay,

00:16:21.549 --> 00:16:24.470
yeah, the college town. I worked on that college

00:16:24.470 --> 00:16:28.610
there for about a week quite a few years ago.

00:16:28.750 --> 00:16:31.529
It was interesting because they had everything,

00:16:31.669 --> 00:16:35.590
the area that we were working on had like the

00:16:35.590 --> 00:16:39.429
black plastic bag stuff, you know, that poly.

00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:42.519
your thing that they put over so people can't

00:16:42.519 --> 00:16:44.500
see you and they're working and the dust doesn't

00:16:44.500 --> 00:16:47.559
hit the students and stuff. I literally could

00:16:47.559 --> 00:16:50.080
walk right out of there, walk three steps, and

00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:53.899
there's a Starbucks. It was fantastic. I was

00:16:53.899 --> 00:16:56.000
just like, oh, my God, I can get coffee all day

00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:58.480
long, and I did. Every break I'd go out there.

00:16:59.620 --> 00:17:04.900
There was one day I was working at the Aldi's

00:17:04.900 --> 00:17:15.670
in Wormsburg, Missouri. Oh, yeah. And my buddy

00:17:15.670 --> 00:17:18.930
that I was working for called me. He said, hey,

00:17:19.130 --> 00:17:22.210
we have an emergency situation. I need you to

00:17:22.210 --> 00:17:29.130
get to Emporia. I said, what? He goes, no, I

00:17:29.130 --> 00:17:32.569
need you to get to Emporia now. I said, dude,

00:17:32.650 --> 00:17:35.369
I'm getting ready. I was living up around St.

00:17:35.630 --> 00:17:47.349
Joe at the time. Oh, shit. Yeah, or a little

00:17:47.349 --> 00:17:50.890
bit over, maybe. I had to go. I left Warrensburg

00:17:50.890 --> 00:17:54.869
at like 3 .30 and headed to Emporia, which is

00:17:54.869 --> 00:18:00.890
like two and a half, three hours one way. Their

00:18:00.890 --> 00:18:05.589
emergency was they had a screw sticking up on

00:18:05.589 --> 00:18:16.250
their conveyor belt. That was it? Yeah, yeah.

00:18:16.650 --> 00:18:20.450
There was a screw sticking up. I get there and

00:18:20.450 --> 00:18:23.390
I said, okay, I heard there's an emergency. They,

00:18:23.509 --> 00:18:54.759
yeah, we have this screw here. From all the way

00:18:54.759 --> 00:19:00.940
back to St. Joe, Missouri. Oh, my gosh. I got

00:19:00.940 --> 00:19:06.579
home at like 9, 9 .30 at night. There was not

00:19:06.579 --> 00:19:11.200
a manager there that could have been like, oh,

00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:13.900
hey, hang on. That's what I'm saying. Oh, my

00:19:13.900 --> 00:19:27.480
gosh. That is crazy. No, just screw it. Oh my

00:19:27.480 --> 00:19:31.940
gosh, that would be so funny. Yeah. Well, you

00:19:31.940 --> 00:19:35.920
know what? Did you get paid overtime? Oh, no.

00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:39.940
It was under the table type stuff. Oh, okay.

00:19:40.180 --> 00:19:43.200
Okay. All right. Well, you know. Well, I was

00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:47.140
subcontracting. Not under the table. Subcontracting.

00:19:47.140 --> 00:19:49.940
I paid my taxes. Everything's cool. Okay. Yeah,

00:19:49.980 --> 00:20:03.579
so. Now, that's bullshit right there. I mean,

00:20:03.619 --> 00:20:07.079
that's a long -ass drive. I've known him longer.

00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:10.319
I've known you longer. Wow. Just saying. Okay.

00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:17.539
Okay. We're only a few weeks away from... Yeah,

00:20:17.700 --> 00:20:22.299
that's him. Okay. Well, I... You know, obviously,

00:20:22.500 --> 00:20:24.440
he probably paid you in other ways, too. You

00:20:24.440 --> 00:20:26.640
know, like, paid you more on other jobs. I know

00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:29.250
how that works. Because of some job, if you're

00:20:29.250 --> 00:20:30.910
not making that much money, because I used to

00:20:30.910 --> 00:20:33.349
freelance stuff to some jobs, you don't make

00:20:33.349 --> 00:20:35.670
very much money. You understand that they're

00:20:35.670 --> 00:20:38.029
not going to pay you certain things. But then

00:20:38.029 --> 00:20:39.849
later on, when they do really good, they give

00:20:39.849 --> 00:20:58.430
you a little gifts. Right. Okay, that type of

00:20:58.430 --> 00:21:02.690
thing. Yeah, but he was my brother, you know

00:21:02.690 --> 00:21:05.970
what I mean? I gotcha, I gotcha. So you were

00:21:05.970 --> 00:21:29.680
there for him, and I get it. Okay. Okay, I got

00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:34.599
you. Okay. And 2015 was not too bad of a wage,

00:21:34.740 --> 00:21:37.200
I guess, so, okay. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I felt

00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:39.480
good about that, but you know what? Everything

00:21:39.480 --> 00:21:43.940
I've done for this man should have been making

00:21:43.940 --> 00:21:46.680
a hell of a lot more money. Well, you don't work

00:21:46.680 --> 00:21:49.900
for him anymore, so I get it. Well, it's kind

00:21:49.900 --> 00:21:55.440
of like you and your old job. Yeah. Yeah. Let's

00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:58.559
not go there. Yeah, yeah. You know what? I've

00:21:58.559 --> 00:22:01.380
said everything I can about them and how I think

00:22:01.380 --> 00:22:03.599
about them, and I think everybody knows. I don't

00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:06.900
want to get started, so... I got you. I got you.

00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:10.240
Let's move on. Okay. We're only a few weeks away

00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:13.400
from Ozzy's final show. What would you put the

00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:17.779
over -under on? I'm saying, like, out on the

00:22:17.779 --> 00:22:21.019
stage. You know, he has Parkinson's in his legs

00:22:21.019 --> 00:22:25.039
really bad. He can't walk. I think he's going

00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:28.059
to be... Well, he's definitely going to be sitting

00:22:28.059 --> 00:22:32.420
on the small. Okay. I guarantee it. I'm going

00:22:32.420 --> 00:22:35.720
to give him 20 minutes. I think the bet is under

00:22:35.720 --> 00:22:39.460
an hour. And you won't find the bet on MGM or

00:22:39.460 --> 00:22:42.039
BetNow or anything. Online gambling services

00:22:42.039 --> 00:22:44.799
only is the way you can find it. And not the

00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:50.039
traditional ones. Right. So I'm going with under.

00:22:50.119 --> 00:22:52.940
I'm going to go 20 minutes. What do you think?

00:23:09.710 --> 00:23:13.470
to the show i hope you're right i hope you're

00:23:13.470 --> 00:23:16.950
right seriously i mean he knows he knows this

00:23:16.950 --> 00:23:21.029
is the last his last time on stage i think he's

00:23:21.029 --> 00:23:23.990
gonna stick in it and he's gonna be sitting like

00:23:23.990 --> 00:23:26.589
i said okay actually i think i've read reports

00:23:26.589 --> 00:23:28.849
it's already been said he's gonna be sitting

00:23:28.849 --> 00:23:34.349
in the throne he's only gonna sing like three

00:23:34.349 --> 00:23:39.949
or four songs but he's gonna be out there Okay,

00:23:39.949 --> 00:23:43.170
kind of like he did when he was in... Oh, go

00:23:43.170 --> 00:23:47.569
ahead. No, no, I was getting ready to say what

00:23:47.569 --> 00:23:50.230
you're getting ready to say, but go ahead. Okay,

00:23:50.289 --> 00:23:52.069
kind of like he did at the Rock and Roll Hall

00:23:52.069 --> 00:23:54.529
of Fame induction when he got inducted for a

00:23:54.529 --> 00:23:57.150
solo artist. He sat there while everybody played

00:23:57.150 --> 00:24:01.670
his stuff. Okay. Yes. Okay, okay. All right,

00:24:01.750 --> 00:24:03.329
you know what, I can see that. He's going to

00:24:03.329 --> 00:24:07.470
make music, but he's supposed to sing a few songs.

00:24:08.680 --> 00:24:15.559
And he will. So, yeah. Okay. My money is on,

00:24:15.700 --> 00:24:20.019
he makes it the whole show. Okay, I hope you're

00:24:20.019 --> 00:24:22.119
right. I would love to see that. And you know

00:24:22.119 --> 00:24:24.400
it's going to be streaming. Me too, me too. This

00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:27.960
is coming from my heart here. Our wish has been

00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:32.920
fulfilled. You can stream it worldwide. Yes.

00:24:33.240 --> 00:24:41.400
And I am going to do that. Do I just go into

00:24:41.400 --> 00:24:45.480
the whatever they put on there and you can stream

00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:48.059
it? Johnny Rohypnol is going to go into all of

00:24:48.059 --> 00:24:55.799
that. Okay, good. That's why we hired him. Yes.

00:24:56.140 --> 00:24:59.079
Johnny Rohypnol is a huge Ozzy fan and he can't

00:24:59.079 --> 00:25:01.279
wait to tell the fans out there what to do to

00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:07.400
find Ozzy on his final show ever. You know I'm

00:25:07.400 --> 00:25:10.339
watching. Yeah. Yep. And Johnny Rohypnol is a

00:25:10.339 --> 00:25:14.859
big fan of yours, Rob. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yep. He

00:25:14.859 --> 00:25:17.579
loves you. I did not know that. Yep. Yeah. He

00:25:17.579 --> 00:25:20.279
has a duck blind tattoo on his right ass cheek.

00:25:21.900 --> 00:25:26.539
Oh, wow. I know. I know. Isn't that great? Yeah.

00:25:26.740 --> 00:25:34.039
Yeah. So, um, okay. He might be Mitch. Who knows?

00:25:37.019 --> 00:25:41.220
Mitch sent something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he does.

00:25:41.380 --> 00:25:44.119
Yeah, we'll get to it in emails. Yes, he sent

00:25:44.119 --> 00:25:47.880
one. Yep, there it is right there. Okay. Yeah,

00:25:47.940 --> 00:25:50.619
Mitch is still in action. He sent something back.

00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:59.079
Okay. I can't remember what he... I just saw

00:25:59.079 --> 00:26:01.339
his name over here. I can't remember what he

00:26:01.339 --> 00:26:03.299
said, so it's going to be a surprise to me, too.

00:26:06.940 --> 00:26:09.279
Okay, I'm going to go with a less traditional

00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:13.700
bet, actually. I'm going to put 50 on, will Jakey

00:26:13.700 --> 00:26:17.160
Lee hug Ozzy? All the bad blood and everything.

00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:19.980
I'm going to put down 50 that he's going to.

00:26:23.779 --> 00:26:26.319
Because I think the bad blood was mainly between

00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:29.460
him and Sharon, Jakey Lee and Sharon. Yes, yes,

00:26:29.759 --> 00:26:34.880
yes. I'm going to have to go with... Yeah, I

00:26:34.880 --> 00:26:37.299
think him and Ozzy are brothers, really. I mean,

00:26:37.299 --> 00:26:40.880
they were estranged and still are. But I think

00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:43.500
that, you know, I think that time has gone by.

00:26:43.559 --> 00:26:47.880
Jake was shot four times. I mean, Ozzy has Parkinson's.

00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:50.220
He's on his last leg. I think that Jake's going

00:26:50.220 --> 00:26:52.380
to go over there and go, hey, man, you know what?

00:26:52.539 --> 00:26:55.440
What happened happened, but I love you and good

00:26:55.440 --> 00:26:58.099
luck. And that's going to be excellent. And I

00:26:58.099 --> 00:27:00.779
also want to see Jake and Zach play together.

00:27:01.119 --> 00:27:05.329
Could you imagine that? That would be a dream

00:27:05.329 --> 00:27:08.910
come true. I want to see them both playing together.

00:27:09.410 --> 00:27:12.910
Yes, it would be a dream come true. I just don't

00:27:12.910 --> 00:27:15.049
know if it's going to happen. I don't know either

00:27:15.049 --> 00:27:17.990
because I think... We'll see. You're right. You're

00:27:17.990 --> 00:27:22.529
right. We'll see. So, on a different note...

00:27:22.529 --> 00:27:36.440
I think... But I'm thinking Zach may fill in

00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:58.180
a little bit with Sabbath, too. Yeah, I'm guessing

00:27:58.180 --> 00:28:05.230
Jake's going to be more of a solo guy. With the

00:28:05.230 --> 00:28:08.309
battle, I think Jake's going to be lower than

00:28:08.309 --> 00:28:12.369
the ladder. Yeah, Zack's going to be... Zack's

00:28:12.369 --> 00:28:16.950
going to be very prolific. Zack's going to be

00:28:16.950 --> 00:28:19.549
right there. He's so prolific and loved, and

00:28:19.549 --> 00:28:22.450
everyone knows him. I mean, come on, he's got

00:28:22.450 --> 00:28:26.990
Zack Sabbath. Yeah, and you know he's going to

00:28:26.990 --> 00:28:31.130
keep Zack Sabbath going after Black Sabbath,

00:28:31.210 --> 00:28:36.819
and I think it's fantastic. And he has permission

00:28:36.819 --> 00:28:46.319
to. Yes, they want him to. I mean, Iommi is Zach's

00:28:46.319 --> 00:28:52.539
hero. Zach's idol. And I'm pretty sure Iommi

00:28:52.539 --> 00:28:56.259
is pretty fond of Zach and really knows about

00:28:56.259 --> 00:29:01.200
his talent. I see them two playing together.

00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:08.220
Yeah, I think they will, definitely. Now, Jakey

00:29:08.220 --> 00:29:11.500
Lee did say something interesting not too long

00:29:11.500 --> 00:29:15.980
ago, about a week ago. He said that, like, time

00:29:15.980 --> 00:29:18.359
is, you know, he has arthritic condition in his

00:29:18.359 --> 00:29:21.779
hands, and time has taken its toll on him. He

00:29:21.779 --> 00:29:25.279
said he can't play like he did before, but he

00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:28.400
can still play. So I'm interested to see how

00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:31.460
well he can play. I hope he can still. mash out

00:29:31.460 --> 00:29:33.599
a really good solo and do some of that stuff

00:29:33.599 --> 00:29:35.799
that he used to do. But I don't know, because

00:29:35.799 --> 00:29:38.720
he did bother to mention it not too long ago.

00:29:39.819 --> 00:29:47.759
Okay, yeah. I've got a story somewhere I was

00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:49.900
going to do the other night, but I didn't do

00:29:49.900 --> 00:29:56.099
it. Yeah. It's up in the air on what... It sounds

00:29:56.099 --> 00:30:00.839
like he's the only... Yeah, that's kind of what

00:30:00.839 --> 00:30:02.619
I got, too, because I don't think he complained

00:30:02.619 --> 00:30:06.000
that much. And it's between Bark at the Moon

00:30:06.000 --> 00:30:10.819
and Ultimate Sin. Yeah, and he was saying that

00:30:10.819 --> 00:30:12.680
he wasn't sure if he could do Bark at the Moon,

00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:16.140
the fast licks on that. Yeah, you must have read

00:30:16.140 --> 00:30:19.700
the same article I did. Yes, and that's concerning.

00:30:20.039 --> 00:30:22.039
I mean, look, I'm glad he's going to be there,

00:30:22.099 --> 00:30:24.240
and I want to see him on stage. And I hope him

00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:27.559
and Ozzy get together for something, at least.

00:30:30.269 --> 00:30:34.069
And actually, I kind of think I like Ultimate

00:30:34.069 --> 00:30:37.170
Sin better. I would rather hear that. The last

00:30:37.170 --> 00:30:41.289
show. I do too. You know? The intro to Ultimate

00:30:41.289 --> 00:30:46.549
Sin is as good as it gets. I mean, it's just,

00:30:46.630 --> 00:30:50.390
he's, I think it's Ron Nevison that produced

00:30:50.390 --> 00:30:54.650
that. He got such a sound out of Jakey Lee. He'll

00:30:54.650 --> 00:30:57.329
never get enough credit. Because that album was

00:30:57.329 --> 00:31:01.390
not a huge commercial success. They had Shot

00:31:01.390 --> 00:31:04.069
in the Dark, and that was really about it. They

00:31:04.069 --> 00:31:05.849
didn't have any other song, really. Shot in the

00:31:05.849 --> 00:31:10.130
Dark was more the ballad. But the tones he got

00:31:10.130 --> 00:31:13.750
out of Jake was insane on that whole album. And

00:31:13.750 --> 00:31:15.569
it'll never get the credit it deserves because

00:31:15.569 --> 00:31:18.289
you're not going to hear that much. I mean, you

00:31:18.289 --> 00:31:21.930
know, in Ozzy songs, after the Ultimate Sin Tour,

00:31:22.230 --> 00:31:26.509
you really only got Shot in the Dark. And that

00:31:26.509 --> 00:31:29.349
was it. If, if he even did that in concert, a

00:31:29.349 --> 00:31:31.789
lot of, he didn't even do a lot of that. He did

00:31:31.789 --> 00:31:34.349
bark at the moon, you know, but he really did

00:31:34.349 --> 00:31:37.650
not do anything off of the ultimate sin of the

00:31:37.650 --> 00:31:41.490
concerts I went to. Yeah. So I don't know. He,

00:31:41.589 --> 00:31:44.390
he allegedly, supposedly he did not like that

00:31:44.390 --> 00:31:48.029
album. I, I, I begged to differ. I thought that

00:31:48.029 --> 00:31:50.490
album was really good. And like I said, I think

00:31:50.490 --> 00:31:53.720
Ron Nevison will not get the. credit he deserves

00:31:53.720 --> 00:31:56.460
for the tones he got from Jakey Lee, but you

00:31:56.460 --> 00:31:58.440
know what? All this is subject, man. It's art.

00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:01.720
We all feel different about it. They can take

00:32:01.720 --> 00:32:06.359
whatever they want, but us as consumers and listeners,

00:32:06.759 --> 00:32:11.799
I remember that album going over very, very well.

00:32:12.019 --> 00:32:14.359
It did at the time, but it didn't hold up well.

00:32:14.579 --> 00:32:20.779
Yeah. Well, but it did at the time. Us fans loved

00:32:20.779 --> 00:32:23.609
it. No, I know us fans loved it, but we're talking

00:32:23.609 --> 00:32:28.529
about the true circle of Ozzy. Did it well? No,

00:32:28.529 --> 00:32:30.690
I know. And I agree with you, Rob. But what I'm

00:32:30.690 --> 00:32:34.089
saying is, okay, rock radio didn't take to it

00:32:34.089 --> 00:32:37.009
very well. Pop radio didn't take to it very well.

00:32:37.049 --> 00:32:41.069
But the Ozzy fan took to it. Right, right. Yeah,

00:32:41.150 --> 00:32:43.490
and that's all I'm saying right there. It was

00:32:43.490 --> 00:32:45.450
a very good album, and it did well. But as far

00:32:45.450 --> 00:32:48.630
as sales, that was one of the lesser albums he's

00:32:48.630 --> 00:32:51.549
ever had. And I don't know. You got a good point.

00:32:51.670 --> 00:32:54.609
Yeah. You got a good point. Yeah, but I'll tell

00:32:54.609 --> 00:32:56.470
you what, true fans like you and I that know

00:32:56.470 --> 00:32:59.509
music and know him, you know. Loved it. They

00:32:59.509 --> 00:33:05.650
loved it, yeah. So it's going to be interesting,

00:33:05.789 --> 00:33:08.930
but I can't wait to see it. And, of course, we're

00:33:08.930 --> 00:33:12.150
going to have a big discussion on that when it's

00:33:12.150 --> 00:33:15.970
over and talk about the highs and lows. And Johnny

00:33:15.970 --> 00:33:21.779
Rohypnol is going to be there. Yeah, he got tickets

00:33:21.779 --> 00:33:24.680
because he's press. And he's going to wear his

00:33:24.680 --> 00:33:27.039
press hat with a little feather in it. And he's

00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:30.299
going to wear his Jimmy Olsen jacket. Right.

00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:32.140
Yeah, yeah, and he's going to be there. Hey.

00:33:32.660 --> 00:33:37.619
Yeah? Let me know if he wants anything. Oh, you

00:33:37.619 --> 00:33:41.660
can embroider him something. If he needs something,

00:33:41.819 --> 00:33:45.750
just let me know. Johnny Rohypnol, let Rob know.

00:33:45.869 --> 00:33:47.789
Break him off an email. Give him a call. Give

00:33:47.789 --> 00:33:49.950
him a call, Johnny, and let him know what you

00:33:49.950 --> 00:33:52.470
want. He'll make you something. You need a Steven

00:33:52.470 --> 00:33:55.690
Pearce's pouch? By the way, Jeffy, I have your

00:33:55.690 --> 00:34:00.509
week supply ready already. Jeffy, wherever you're

00:34:00.509 --> 00:34:02.609
at, we hope you're not imprisoned and being tortured.

00:34:03.210 --> 00:34:05.569
Wherever you're at, there you go. It's been a

00:34:05.569 --> 00:34:07.470
couple weeks since we heard from him. Yeah, I'm

00:34:07.470 --> 00:34:09.489
afraid he might be imprisoned and being tortured

00:34:09.489 --> 00:34:17.119
right now. So, I hope he's okay. There you go.

00:34:17.239 --> 00:34:23.360
You get out, you got clothes. All right. I was

00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:26.940
at Lowe's looking for deck stain, and I'm in

00:34:26.940 --> 00:34:28.960
my Jeep getting ready to leave, and a lady is

00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:31.699
on her phone in front of me, and there's a car

00:34:31.699 --> 00:34:34.300
parked behind me, so I couldn't leave. So I'm

00:34:34.300 --> 00:34:36.159
being very patient, and I'm waiting for her to

00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:40.019
quit blabbing, and I realize that there is an

00:34:40.019 --> 00:34:42.739
identical -looking black Jeep that's probably

00:34:42.739 --> 00:34:45.820
hers two rows up. You know, I've done that before.

00:34:45.880 --> 00:34:47.500
It's easy to do. Haven't you done that before?

00:34:47.579 --> 00:34:49.300
A car that looks just like yours, and you walk

00:34:49.300 --> 00:34:50.880
up to it, and then all of a sudden you're like,

00:34:50.980 --> 00:34:53.699
oh, hey, wait a minute. You know, you look on

00:34:53.699 --> 00:34:55.860
the interior, or somebody's sitting there looking

00:34:55.860 --> 00:34:58.199
at you like, what the fuck are you doing? Well,

00:34:58.380 --> 00:35:00.260
I was in my car, and I'm just sitting there looking,

00:35:00.440 --> 00:35:02.980
and I'm like, what the hell is she doing? She's

00:35:02.980 --> 00:35:04.639
standing in front of the car, hitting her little

00:35:04.639 --> 00:35:07.679
pod, talking, you know, hitting her, you know,

00:35:07.699 --> 00:35:10.219
trying to, and she keeps hearing the honk, I

00:35:10.219 --> 00:35:12.139
think, and I think she thinks it's coming from

00:35:12.139 --> 00:35:16.019
my Jeep. not her Jeep, a couple of cars down.

00:35:16.900 --> 00:35:22.900
So instead of blasting my horn, I very politely,

00:35:22.960 --> 00:35:30.059
I started my engine. So she looks at me and fucking

00:35:30.059 --> 00:35:36.239
flips me off like I'm the dick. I should have

00:35:36.239 --> 00:35:37.820
honked my horn. I should have just blasted my

00:35:37.820 --> 00:35:41.000
horn and go, hey, bitch, is that your Jeep right

00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:44.369
there? Get the fuck out of my way, please. Honestly,

00:35:44.909 --> 00:35:48.550
that's society these days. Them people are everywhere.

00:35:49.110 --> 00:35:51.090
Well, when she flipped me off, I was so mad I

00:35:51.090 --> 00:35:52.690
rolled down the window. I said, there's not enough

00:35:52.690 --> 00:35:56.349
money, bitch. Not enough money. Okay, well, let

00:35:56.349 --> 00:35:59.929
me back this up here. None of our assholes are

00:35:59.929 --> 00:36:03.570
like that. But there are people out there like

00:36:03.570 --> 00:36:06.409
that, I guess. Yeah, you know, I was thinking

00:36:06.409 --> 00:36:09.760
I was being very civil about it. You know, I

00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:11.599
mean, she's standing in my way for a couple of

00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:14.179
minutes, and I'm very patiently waiting for her

00:36:14.179 --> 00:36:16.599
to get off Facebook or what, Fakebook or whatever

00:36:16.599 --> 00:36:19.000
the fuck. You know, whatever the hell she was

00:36:19.000 --> 00:36:21.380
doing on her phone that was more important than

00:36:21.380 --> 00:36:26.320
anything else. And, worsely, she's in my way,

00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:29.940
listening to a honk that's a couple of jeeps

00:36:29.940 --> 00:36:32.940
down, but she's so intrigued by whatever ha -ha

00:36:32.940 --> 00:36:35.280
she's got on her phone that she doesn't even

00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:39.389
notice, and she's holding me up. So, anyhow,

00:36:39.570 --> 00:36:41.949
I was being very nice, but nope, nope, nope,

00:36:41.969 --> 00:36:45.969
anyhow. You know, a bitch like that, you know,

00:36:46.030 --> 00:36:52.130
she's probably going to be paying a high deductible

00:36:52.130 --> 00:36:54.590
because I'm pretty sure she gets in a lot of

00:36:54.590 --> 00:36:59.050
wrecks. So, anyhow, I thought it was funny. And

00:36:59.050 --> 00:37:01.130
her nails looked like a baboon fucking painted

00:37:01.130 --> 00:37:03.210
them on. I mean, she was just like, I don't know,

00:37:03.289 --> 00:37:08.090
a piece of fucking garbage. And then finally,

00:37:08.170 --> 00:37:10.409
I want to go over this last story here with you,

00:37:10.449 --> 00:37:13.789
okay? This is a bizarre prank that surfaced its

00:37:13.789 --> 00:37:17.849
head again. I'm not even sure I would have done

00:37:17.849 --> 00:37:20.909
it, but this started in 2019 and 2020, and then

00:37:20.909 --> 00:37:22.289
it went away for a little bit, and then it came

00:37:22.289 --> 00:37:25.670
back. There's been several cases of pigeons wearing

00:37:25.670 --> 00:37:28.630
little cowboy hats. They're often glued to their

00:37:28.630 --> 00:37:31.550
head. They're reported in... Oh my God, no way!

00:37:31.869 --> 00:37:33.769
Yeah, they're reported in Las Vegas. I remember

00:37:33.769 --> 00:37:37.449
that! Oh, do you really? Okay. Yes, I remember

00:37:37.449 --> 00:37:40.429
that. Well, they're doing it again, whoever's

00:37:40.429 --> 00:37:48.789
doing it in Vegas. I love it. Okay, if they're

00:37:48.789 --> 00:37:52.510
glued to the head, poor pigeon. Well, some of

00:37:52.510 --> 00:37:56.070
them are. Yeah, that'd be cool. Some of them

00:37:56.070 --> 00:37:57.690
are glued to their head, and one of them died

00:37:57.690 --> 00:38:00.269
because of it. This article didn't say how they

00:38:00.269 --> 00:38:03.929
died. Yeah, that's a little much there. You don't

00:38:03.929 --> 00:38:06.260
glue them. It's not the pigeon's fault. Yeah,

00:38:06.300 --> 00:38:08.059
but if you can get that little helmet to stay

00:38:08.059 --> 00:38:10.119
on him without doing something like gluing it

00:38:10.119 --> 00:38:13.340
on him. Yeah, fuck yeah, I love you. But I want

00:38:13.340 --> 00:38:16.659
to know what kind of a maniacal, evil, fucking

00:38:16.659 --> 00:38:24.019
demented person does that? Look, it's funny as

00:38:24.019 --> 00:38:29.360
hell. I'm pretty sure you and I in the past have

00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:31.320
known a few that could do something like that.

00:38:31.320 --> 00:38:33.619
Well, we were maniacal and demented, so yes,

00:38:33.699 --> 00:39:07.820
yeah, we probably would have. Yeah. Yeah. So,

00:39:07.880 --> 00:39:10.800
yeah. But if we were like 20 again, hell yeah,

00:39:10.820 --> 00:39:15.079
we'd be doing that, right? Yeah. Yeah, but like

00:39:15.079 --> 00:39:18.059
we said, we'd be strapping hats on. I would go

00:39:18.059 --> 00:39:20.880
further, though. I'd put little boots on them.

00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:25.920
If you could. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell, in the wintertime,

00:39:25.940 --> 00:39:29.679
we'd dress them up like Santa Claus. I want to

00:39:29.679 --> 00:39:35.199
put little spangled cowboy boots on them. Yeah.

00:39:35.460 --> 00:39:43.010
Yeah. Yep. So, anyhow, yeah, they're doing it

00:39:43.010 --> 00:39:47.289
again for whatever reason. So, Rob, we turn this

00:39:47.289 --> 00:39:53.289
whole thing over to you, that being said. And,

00:39:53.329 --> 00:39:59.110
you know, I'm out there. So, this story comes

00:39:59.110 --> 00:40:05.869
from Beverly Hills, Texas. Okay. Didn't know

00:40:05.869 --> 00:40:12.929
there was. Now I do. Yeah. Well, a Texas woman

00:40:12.929 --> 00:40:16.949
is being held on felony stalking charges in a

00:40:16.949 --> 00:40:20.829
bizarre case where a wedding was held without

00:40:20.829 --> 00:40:23.889
the groom present and without his knowledge.

00:40:26.690 --> 00:40:31.309
Okay. Yeah, okay. I was wondering how the hell

00:40:31.309 --> 00:40:57.920
that happened. Oh, I don't know. It included

00:40:57.920 --> 00:41:01.480
a copy of a marriage certificate showing he was

00:41:01.480 --> 00:41:07.199
married. At least he had been in a relationship

00:41:07.199 --> 00:41:29.159
with a suspect. To certify the marriage without

00:41:29.159 --> 00:41:36.960
the groom being present. Is that legal? No, it's

00:41:36.960 --> 00:41:41.099
not. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. Chief Martin

00:41:41.099 --> 00:41:46.619
said she then went to the county clerk's office

00:41:46.619 --> 00:41:51.840
and filed the certificate. Okay, I'm going to

00:41:51.840 --> 00:42:00.699
back the county clerk on this. Okay. Yeah, yeah,

00:42:00.760 --> 00:42:57.409
true. True. I would think so. I think I jumped

00:42:57.409 --> 00:42:59.789
the gun when I asked when it was illegal. Of

00:42:59.789 --> 00:43:03.250
course it would be. Yes. I mean, how could it

00:43:03.250 --> 00:43:06.730
not be? You'd have people everywhere being fucking

00:43:06.730 --> 00:43:13.050
married that aren't. Wow. I mean, I think you

00:43:13.050 --> 00:43:15.730
could Zoom and get married because you're on

00:43:15.730 --> 00:43:19.929
video, but if you're not even present, no. It

00:43:19.929 --> 00:43:23.469
would not be official. I don't see how it could

00:43:23.469 --> 00:43:26.710
be. I don't either. It's got to be Void. I would

00:43:26.710 --> 00:43:29.909
think so. And whoever did that, obviously, is

00:43:29.909 --> 00:43:31.969
probably going to be in trouble. And he also

00:43:31.969 --> 00:43:39.469
might be subject to a lawsuit also. Yeah. I got

00:43:39.469 --> 00:43:41.650
a question for you a little bit different. What

00:43:41.650 --> 00:43:44.269
do you think of our new music director, Phineas

00:43:44.269 --> 00:43:48.809
J. Valterrez III? I love him. Okay. All right.

00:43:48.829 --> 00:43:52.619
He's our music director. He is. He's our music

00:43:52.619 --> 00:43:55.199
director, and he writes for Johnny Rohitnal,

00:43:55.300 --> 00:43:58.019
but he also does his own segment occasionally.

00:43:58.820 --> 00:44:03.260
And Dash Riptide is another guy, and he is our

00:44:03.260 --> 00:44:05.860
guy out on the beat. He goes out there. Dash

00:44:05.860 --> 00:44:07.880
Riptide is a guy that goes out there, and he

00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:10.920
gets his knuckles dirty in the music industry.

00:44:14.820 --> 00:44:17.679
Rumor has it that Reggie Rash is going to start

00:44:17.679 --> 00:44:20.969
joining us, too. And he might do a pop segment,

00:44:21.150 --> 00:44:24.150
pop culture segment. You know what the guy wrote

00:44:24.150 --> 00:44:26.730
in and told us not to do? I'm pretty sure he's

00:44:26.730 --> 00:44:34.489
going to do. Oh, of course. Yes, yes. So, let's

00:44:34.489 --> 00:44:37.809
take our first break and come back with some

00:44:37.809 --> 00:44:43.889
emails. Sounds good. All right, we will be right

00:44:43.889 --> 00:44:50.070
back. Proof that we love you here at QD Spades

00:44:50.070 --> 00:44:52.610
and Microphone Central. Here's a proof right

00:44:52.610 --> 00:44:56.130
here. How about the drink of the week? Hey, sporty

00:44:56.130 --> 00:44:59.789
pants. How about a black currant margarita? 24

00:44:59.789 --> 00:45:03.989
ounces tequila. The best or wow good. 20 ounces

00:45:03.989 --> 00:45:07.710
cream big cassay. 96 ounce big bucket margarita

00:45:07.710 --> 00:45:10.849
mixer. Garnished with lined wheels. Served in

00:45:10.849 --> 00:45:13.610
a tall pollens glass. Combining ingredients with

00:45:13.610 --> 00:45:16.929
Big Buffy. Stir, seal, and open the vent. Freeze

00:45:16.929 --> 00:45:22.210
and serve. Enjoy, poggers. Have at it. Now it's

00:45:22.210 --> 00:45:25.150
time for Pickup Lines from a Loser. If I had

00:45:25.150 --> 00:45:27.369
a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful

00:45:27.369 --> 00:45:33.750
as you, I would have a whole five cents. Oh,

00:45:33.889 --> 00:45:36.889
hey, look at the time. It's time for the crazy

00:45:36.889 --> 00:45:40.230
-ass word of the day. Cito -cito -hypopyrin -phylogism.

00:45:41.030 --> 00:45:45.579
You watch the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse

00:45:45.579 --> 00:45:49.400
inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts

00:45:49.400 --> 00:45:52.599
beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.

00:45:52.719 --> 00:45:59.760
We have the post -apocalypse. Homemade dye from

00:45:59.760 --> 00:46:02.820
plants are essential. The dyes can be used to

00:46:02.820 --> 00:46:05.460
mark locations on trees, even to color clothing

00:46:05.460 --> 00:46:08.599
or to be laid out to where footprints or paw

00:46:08.599 --> 00:46:11.269
prints could be left. The diet can be placed

00:46:11.269 --> 00:46:14.070
on the ground around the perimeter of your dwelling,

00:46:14.190 --> 00:46:16.809
so if you have to leave, evidence will be present

00:46:16.809 --> 00:46:21.130
to assess the situation. Now, from his underground

00:46:21.130 --> 00:46:23.929
bunker in Campton, Missouri, stocked full of

00:46:23.929 --> 00:46:26.670
dried goods, canned food, and a couple of vibrating

00:46:26.670 --> 00:46:41.460
toys, is ramblings of a madman. strange, but

00:46:41.460 --> 00:46:46.559
true. Andras Toma was the last World War II prisoner

00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:50.539
of war to be released. Toma was captured in 1945.

00:46:51.559 --> 00:46:54.320
He was later locked up in an insane asylum for

00:46:54.320 --> 00:46:58.019
speaking gibberish. However, in 2000, he was

00:46:58.019 --> 00:47:00.880
accidentally discovered by a Slavic who recognized

00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:03.980
he was actually speaking Hungarian. After nearly

00:47:03.980 --> 00:47:06.800
60 years, Thelma was successfully identified

00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:13.500
and finally returned home in 2000. Ms. Gulkenstein

00:47:13.500 --> 00:47:15.519
was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of

00:47:15.519 --> 00:47:18.440
her. Little did the douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein

00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:21.159
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.

00:47:21.699 --> 00:47:25.559
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing

00:47:25.559 --> 00:47:30.260
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to

00:47:30.260 --> 00:47:32.239
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.

00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:36.449
Here are the adventures of Rob. The Capuchin

00:47:36.449 --> 00:47:41.730
Monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen

00:47:41.730 --> 00:47:44.489
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the

00:47:44.489 --> 00:47:47.329
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has

00:47:47.329 --> 00:47:49.769
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway

00:47:49.769 --> 00:48:13.960
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob

00:48:13.960 --> 00:48:17.420
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's

00:48:17.420 --> 00:48:19.539
Club and became violently pissed off when he

00:48:19.539 --> 00:48:22.300
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly

00:48:22.300 --> 00:48:24.480
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days

00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:40.039
straight. Rob could not sit down. Two douchebags

00:48:40.039 --> 00:48:42.679
and a microphone. I am Mark here in the Kansas

00:48:42.679 --> 00:48:46.780
City vicinity at the Talk is Cheap studio. And

00:48:46.780 --> 00:48:50.000
I am Rob at the beautiful night warm of Lake

00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:55.179
of the Ozarks in the Duck Blind studio. There

00:48:55.179 --> 00:49:00.019
we go. Okay, before I go into emails, I got one

00:49:00.019 --> 00:49:05.019
from Craig. I forgot where Craig is from. I apologize.

00:49:06.059 --> 00:49:10.630
Oh, that scares me. Okay. That was the guy's

00:49:10.630 --> 00:49:15.349
name I was just talking about. Oh, okay. Oh,

00:49:15.349 --> 00:49:20.429
oh. No, I got this before we started. Okay. About

00:49:20.429 --> 00:49:23.030
10 minutes before we started. And I didn't have

00:49:23.030 --> 00:49:25.289
a chance to print it or jot it down because I

00:49:25.289 --> 00:49:27.289
was busy doing some other things to get this

00:49:27.289 --> 00:49:31.210
thing ready. So, okay. He said with world events,

00:49:31.309 --> 00:49:33.590
current world events, I think we can use some

00:49:33.590 --> 00:49:38.449
real post -apocalypse survival tips. Craig. Those

00:49:38.449 --> 00:49:43.989
are real post -survival apocalypse tips. They

00:49:43.989 --> 00:49:47.230
are. Half of them came from a real survivalist

00:49:47.230 --> 00:49:51.469
that Rob and I know. Yes. Okay. And then the

00:49:51.469 --> 00:49:53.610
other ones came out straight out of their handbook.

00:49:53.690 --> 00:49:55.570
And, yes, they have a handbook, and you can look

00:49:55.570 --> 00:49:58.969
it up online. Those are real survival tips, and

00:49:58.969 --> 00:50:01.329
I'm coming out with more. And I agree with you.

00:50:01.349 --> 00:50:04.210
It does look like we might need them. So, all

00:50:04.210 --> 00:50:07.739
right. I know. I totally agree. But yes, those

00:50:07.739 --> 00:50:10.719
are real survival tips. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look,

00:50:10.840 --> 00:50:12.579
everything we do is tongue -in -cheek, obviously.

00:50:12.639 --> 00:50:15.400
We are more of a comedy thing than anything.

00:50:15.699 --> 00:50:18.519
We try to be lighthearted. We don't really go

00:50:18.519 --> 00:50:23.059
into politics. But those are real. If you listen

00:50:23.059 --> 00:50:27.119
to us, we take some real jabs. Yeah, yeah. I

00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:30.500
mean, we're not always trying to do parody or

00:50:30.500 --> 00:50:34.820
ha -ha. So, yeah, they're real. um so and i'm

00:50:34.820 --> 00:50:37.800
gonna i have more of them that uh that our friend

00:50:37.800 --> 00:50:40.480
had a couple more that he sent me and i have

00:50:40.480 --> 00:50:42.920
more that are in the handbook that you can look

00:50:42.920 --> 00:50:47.059
up online so all right uh the first email rob

00:50:47.059 --> 00:50:49.880
the annual fuckhammer barbecue for all the roadies

00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:53.059
is taking place next saturday you can have a

00:50:53.059 --> 00:50:57.440
plus one do not bring that mark asshole The ban

00:50:57.440 --> 00:50:59.719
requests that you wear your loincloth to the

00:50:59.719 --> 00:51:02.059
barbecue, but suggests staying away from the

00:51:02.059 --> 00:51:05.960
flowing embers of charcoal. Can't wait to see

00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:10.119
you there at the beautiful Massey Creek arm of

00:51:10.119 --> 00:51:13.440
Lake Freeman. Mitch Hedrody of Fuckhammer World

00:51:13.440 --> 00:51:24.320
Tour 2025. I guess he don't like me. Mitch, I

00:51:24.320 --> 00:51:27.059
don't know what I did. I don't think I've been

00:51:27.059 --> 00:51:29.460
making excessive fun of him, have I? I don't

00:51:29.460 --> 00:51:33.440
know. No, the thing is, I always make fun of

00:51:33.440 --> 00:51:35.559
you, Mark. He likes you. He doesn't like me.

00:51:35.579 --> 00:51:37.500
What the hell? I guess I'm going to start making

00:51:37.500 --> 00:51:39.360
fun of him. Come on. It's like us back in the

00:51:39.360 --> 00:51:42.280
day. The more we were people, the more we liked

00:51:42.280 --> 00:51:44.940
them. Yeah. Well, we're still like that today.

00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:47.460
Yeah, I'm kind of offended. I wanted to be Rob's

00:51:47.460 --> 00:51:49.360
plus one, and I was going to wear a loincloth,

00:51:49.420 --> 00:51:52.780
too, to celebrate Rob. I guess not. Well, all

00:51:52.780 --> 00:51:58.050
right. Mitch, I give you my hand and you smack

00:51:58.050 --> 00:52:00.170
it away in disgust. I don't know what to do.

00:52:00.269 --> 00:52:05.090
It hurts. It hurts. In return, I love you, Mitch.

00:52:07.090 --> 00:52:09.510
Mitch, I try to love you. I'm here on bended

00:52:09.510 --> 00:52:11.949
knee and you smack me in the face every time.

00:52:11.949 --> 00:52:16.909
It hurts. It hurts. All right. And next. Mark,

00:52:17.090 --> 00:52:19.590
I know you say this is actually really good.

00:52:21.559 --> 00:52:24.800
Rhonda in Rhode Island, thank you. But I'll read

00:52:24.800 --> 00:52:26.579
this whole thing, but I want to preface that

00:52:26.579 --> 00:52:29.800
with thank you. Mark, I know you say that you're

00:52:29.800 --> 00:52:31.739
a lesser talented, more primitive version of

00:52:31.739 --> 00:52:34.179
the classic morning shows. I can really hear

00:52:34.179 --> 00:52:35.960
the difference in the quality of the show you

00:52:35.960 --> 00:52:39.039
have now. You really picked it up quickly. I

00:52:39.039 --> 00:52:42.820
think you might be just as, if not more original

00:52:42.820 --> 00:52:45.820
than all the others you speak about. I love it.

00:52:46.059 --> 00:52:51.039
Please keep it up. Rhonda in Rhode Island. I've

00:52:51.039 --> 00:52:55.239
gotten better, yeah. And I am, okay, I'm better

00:52:55.239 --> 00:52:57.159
than a lot of them, but I'm not as good as a

00:52:57.159 --> 00:52:59.340
lot of them. If you're talking about the upper

00:52:59.340 --> 00:53:02.760
echelon ones, you know, like the usual suspects,

00:53:02.880 --> 00:53:09.539
I mean, like Stern had Fred Norris, Bubba had

00:53:09.539 --> 00:53:14.559
Manson, Mancow had Lovecheese, you know, I forgot

00:53:14.559 --> 00:53:17.630
who Bob and Tom had. But anyhow, all these shows,

00:53:17.809 --> 00:53:22.530
Greg, Craig, no, not Craig, Greg from Johnny

00:53:22.530 --> 00:53:25.989
Dare. I mean, all of them had these parody guys.

00:53:26.090 --> 00:53:27.969
And the ones that I just mentioned are better

00:53:27.969 --> 00:53:30.489
than me, considerably better. But there's a lot

00:53:30.489 --> 00:53:32.409
of them out there. No, I don't think they're

00:53:32.409 --> 00:53:34.469
any better than me and probably not as good.

00:53:34.610 --> 00:53:37.570
I just don't have the equipment. But thank you,

00:53:37.570 --> 00:53:40.469
Rhonda. That is one hell of a compliment. And

00:53:40.469 --> 00:53:44.750
I feel much better after Mitch. denied me going

00:53:44.750 --> 00:53:50.809
to the fuckhammer barbecue so i'll eat a pork

00:53:50.809 --> 00:53:54.730
steak for you brother yeah so thank you and i'm

00:53:54.730 --> 00:53:56.550
going to take that as a hell of a compliment

00:53:56.550 --> 00:53:59.650
which it is yes yes dude and i'm going to say

00:53:59.650 --> 00:54:02.289
that's partly true but not all the way true there's

00:54:02.289 --> 00:54:05.269
the guys that i just mentioned uh -uh i'm not

00:54:05.269 --> 00:54:08.110
in their category trust me i know this stuff

00:54:08.110 --> 00:54:12.670
i've listened to it all my life so okay Could

00:54:12.670 --> 00:54:15.110
you give us a Topher update? I hope he is healing

00:54:15.110 --> 00:54:17.829
well. Let him know we all miss him and wish him

00:54:17.829 --> 00:54:21.849
well. Mike in Carrollton, Missouri. Mike, Topher

00:54:21.849 --> 00:54:24.210
didn't have an operation. His wife did. And he's

00:54:24.210 --> 00:54:26.730
taking care of her. But thank you for your concern.

00:54:27.110 --> 00:54:29.869
And she's doing well. And Topher is doing well.

00:54:29.889 --> 00:54:32.789
And he'll be back. And I'm sure he says hi to

00:54:32.789 --> 00:54:35.869
everybody. And we'll be back at it doing horrible

00:54:35.869 --> 00:54:40.920
sports and horrible music. But thank you, Mike

00:54:40.920 --> 00:54:45.760
and Carlton. All right. Hey, what happened to

00:54:45.760 --> 00:54:47.440
the first and second season of your podcast?

00:54:47.699 --> 00:54:50.699
I can't find it on RSS. I would like to check

00:54:50.699 --> 00:54:53.500
out the older episodes, Wanda and Tennessee.

00:54:53.800 --> 00:54:56.739
You're not going to find them. Topher has them,

00:54:56.760 --> 00:55:02.199
and I got to get them on a scan disc. We talked

00:55:02.199 --> 00:55:08.239
about this a while back. RSS. Updated. So we

00:55:08.239 --> 00:55:11.599
had to have our backups, which Topher has. Yeah,

00:55:11.639 --> 00:55:14.280
the first two seasons he has, starting season

00:55:14.280 --> 00:55:18.980
three, I have all of them. Yes. So the first

00:55:18.980 --> 00:55:22.980
two seasons he has on his computer, I'm going

00:55:22.980 --> 00:55:25.679
to get them eventually, and I have to find a

00:55:25.679 --> 00:55:29.519
different place besides RSS to post them, and

00:55:29.519 --> 00:55:32.079
I think I'm probably going to have to bring back

00:55:32.079 --> 00:55:36.090
my... my website that i had before the two douchebags

00:55:36.090 --> 00:55:38.969
microphone .net only it's got to be a lot more

00:55:38.969 --> 00:55:41.130
elaborate i got to spend more time on it and

00:55:41.130 --> 00:55:43.309
we're going to have to have all the seasons there

00:55:43.309 --> 00:55:46.789
because rss will only let you have so many episodes

00:55:46.789 --> 00:55:51.809
and rss feeds everybody what they have everybody

00:55:51.809 --> 00:55:56.579
else has So if they don't have it on RSS, no

00:55:56.579 --> 00:55:58.380
one else has it. They don't have the capability

00:55:58.380 --> 00:56:01.000
of getting it. So you can go to iTunes, same

00:56:01.000 --> 00:56:03.360
thing. You can go to Amazon, same thing. You

00:56:03.360 --> 00:56:07.280
can go to Spotify, same thing. So Clear Channel,

00:56:07.619 --> 00:56:13.659
Odyssey, all of them. All right. Let's see, where

00:56:13.659 --> 00:56:16.800
is it? Okay, some online station has your podcast

00:56:16.800 --> 00:56:19.239
playing the segments. The name of the streaming

00:56:19.239 --> 00:56:22.429
station is Laughing Gas Radio. I know a couple

00:56:22.429 --> 00:56:24.989
of shows ago you said that some guy wanted to

00:56:24.989 --> 00:56:27.869
play your podcast on his station. I'm just letting

00:56:27.869 --> 00:56:31.329
you know. I listen to every show. Hi, Rob. Tony

00:56:31.329 --> 00:56:36.809
in Gulfport. I'm pretty sure Florida. Did it

00:56:36.809 --> 00:56:41.670
say, Hi, Rob? Yeah. It said, Hi, Rob. It said,

00:56:41.670 --> 00:56:45.949
I listen to... Hi. It said, I'm just letting

00:56:45.949 --> 00:56:50.159
you know. I listen to every show. Hi, Rob. Tawny

00:56:50.159 --> 00:56:52.360
in Gulfport, and I'm pretty sure that would be

00:56:52.360 --> 00:56:57.139
Florida. I know. I know. Laughing Gas Radio asked

00:56:57.139 --> 00:56:59.579
for permission, and I said yes, because I know

00:56:59.579 --> 00:57:01.960
the guy. Okay, I did not know that. I thought

00:57:01.960 --> 00:57:05.420
I told you. I'm sorry. No, I did not know that.

00:57:05.519 --> 00:57:08.400
Oh, no. No, you did not tell me that. Oh, shit.

00:57:08.440 --> 00:57:11.360
I'm sorry. I just wrote it down. Okay, okay.

00:57:11.800 --> 00:57:14.039
Yeah, Laughing Gas Radio has played a few of

00:57:14.039 --> 00:57:17.179
our segments, and it's no big deal. they're not

00:57:17.179 --> 00:57:19.280
going to play so many of them because he's going

00:57:19.280 --> 00:57:21.699
to actually quit that feed and go into something

00:57:21.699 --> 00:57:24.920
else. But I told him, yeah, I said, you can play

00:57:24.920 --> 00:57:26.960
it until you, you know, go to whatever you're

00:57:26.960 --> 00:57:29.000
going to do. And I'm not, I don't even know what

00:57:29.000 --> 00:57:31.800
he's going to, what he's going to go into, but

00:57:31.800 --> 00:57:34.280
yeah, he has full permission and we thank him.

00:57:35.139 --> 00:57:38.679
And yeah, so, but thanks for letting us know.

00:57:39.980 --> 00:57:43.239
Was it Tawny? I just threw the email away on

00:57:43.239 --> 00:57:48.239
the floor. Yes, Tawny. Tawny. Anyhow, that's

00:57:48.239 --> 00:57:51.559
all the emails. So, Rob, you got something? Yeah,

00:57:51.579 --> 00:57:53.300
I do. And actually, I should have went in this

00:57:53.300 --> 00:57:55.300
a while ago while we were talking about Ozzy.

00:57:55.579 --> 00:58:03.659
Okay. Liquid Death, brewer of canned water, has

00:58:03.659 --> 00:58:07.579
announced that it's selling 10 empty cans of

00:58:07.579 --> 00:58:11.320
iced tea that were drank by Ozzy Osbourne and

00:58:11.320 --> 00:58:16.719
were then sealed to contain him. DNA. Oh, wow.

00:58:18.480 --> 00:58:22.500
Dubbed Infinite Aussie, these tin cans are valued

00:58:22.500 --> 00:58:27.340
at $450 a piece, are being sold via the Liquid

00:58:27.340 --> 00:58:30.840
Death website to anyone lucky enough to snag

00:58:30.840 --> 00:58:47.139
one. Each was laboratory sealed and I'm going

00:58:47.139 --> 00:59:32.769
there right now. I'm sure they're gone. He squished

00:59:32.769 --> 00:59:39.989
the cans. And it's in a plastic container. And

00:59:39.989 --> 00:59:47.269
it's sealed. And his penmanship is... But you

00:59:47.269 --> 00:59:51.309
could get it open and get his DNA. That's what

00:59:51.309 --> 00:59:54.409
they're going into. Somebody could clone him

00:59:54.409 --> 00:59:59.309
off these tin cans one day. I think I can get

00:59:59.309 --> 01:00:01.219
it cheaper actually. Actually, they have some

01:00:01.219 --> 01:00:03.179
other way. You know what? I'll look at that later.

01:00:03.420 --> 01:00:07.199
Very fucking cool. Now, you know, that's right

01:00:07.199 --> 01:00:09.940
up my alley. That is right up my alley. Something

01:00:09.940 --> 01:00:15.960
like that. Yes. Okay. Neat. All right. I'll look

01:00:15.960 --> 01:00:18.079
at that later. Hang on. I got to get rid of that

01:00:18.079 --> 01:00:19.960
because I'm going to be looking at that and not

01:00:19.960 --> 01:00:21.900
paying attention to what we're doing. And I just

01:00:21.900 --> 01:00:26.179
knocked the damn phone over. You there? Okay.

01:00:26.679 --> 01:00:28.980
You see what happens? I get distracted and stupid

01:00:28.980 --> 01:00:32.119
shit happens. Yeah. Okay. That's why I read that

01:00:32.119 --> 01:00:37.059
one. All right. Hey, thanks for that. I am legitimately

01:00:37.059 --> 01:00:40.239
going to try to get one of those. And if I do,

01:00:40.400 --> 01:00:43.800
I will be posting it. And I think I'm going to

01:00:43.800 --> 01:00:49.019
set it. Let's see if I get one. I'm going to

01:00:49.019 --> 01:00:57.179
put it in the middle of the chief storm. Mm -hmm.

01:00:57.599 --> 01:00:59.619
That's the first thing I'm doing is cloning him.

01:00:59.940 --> 01:01:03.139
And then I get to control everything. I'll get

01:01:03.139 --> 01:01:05.960
to have, like, cloned Ozzy concerts and all kinds

01:01:05.960 --> 01:01:10.579
of shit. So, all right. Let's go to our second

01:01:10.579 --> 01:01:14.119
break and come right back. Sound good? Sounds

01:01:14.119 --> 01:01:19.280
good. That's what we'll do. Be right back. And

01:01:19.280 --> 01:01:22.599
now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Deep Thoughts with

01:01:22.599 --> 01:01:28.710
Mark. Coffee flavored water doesn't sound good,

01:01:28.789 --> 01:01:34.090
but that's exactly what coffee is. Hmm. That

01:01:34.090 --> 01:01:42.090
is weird. Hello, this is Phineas J. Altaris III.

01:01:42.869 --> 01:01:45.550
I'm here to deliver your music news this evening.

01:01:49.789 --> 01:01:52.750
Brian Douglas Wilson. the co -founder and leader

01:01:52.750 --> 01:01:55.650
of the Beach Boys, died at the age of 82 on June

01:01:55.650 --> 01:01:58.409
11th. Wilson was a band's primary songwriter

01:01:58.409 --> 01:02:00.769
and a pioneer of music, known for his creative

01:02:00.769 --> 01:02:03.150
control and use of recording studio to create

01:02:03.150 --> 01:02:06.070
unique sounds. He transformed teen pop into more

01:02:06.070 --> 01:02:09.090
poetic and modernist form, and some say his songs

01:02:09.090 --> 01:02:11.170
were intellectually woven and distilled in human

01:02:11.170 --> 01:02:15.070
emotions with artistic complexity. Brian Wilson,

01:02:15.349 --> 01:02:18.070
you will be missed, and music will never be the

01:02:18.070 --> 01:02:21.329
same without you. We will forever have good vibrations

01:02:21.329 --> 01:02:27.409
because of you. Rest in peace. This is Phineas

01:02:27.409 --> 01:02:32.250
J. Baltar S. III. That has been your music news

01:02:32.250 --> 01:02:35.090
for this evening. I have one burning question

01:02:35.090 --> 01:02:38.409
for you all. Do people really skip around the

01:02:38.409 --> 01:02:46.170
Maypole? And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Deep

01:02:46.170 --> 01:02:51.309
Thoughts Why can't I just buy a can of thin paint?

01:02:51.889 --> 01:02:54.150
Why do I always have to go buy paint thinner?

01:02:55.110 --> 01:03:10.630
I may never know. Nob Lick is an unincorporated

01:03:10.630 --> 01:03:12.929
community in southern St. Francis County, Missouri,

01:03:13.210 --> 01:03:15.869
United States. It is located on Missouri Route

01:03:15.869 --> 01:03:19.289
DD, just east of U .S. Route 67, approximately

01:03:19.289 --> 01:03:22.090
8 miles south of Farmington, Missouri. Nob Lick

01:03:22.090 --> 01:03:25.510
has a post office with the zip code 63651, which

01:03:25.510 --> 01:03:28.789
has been in operation since 1870. The community

01:03:28.789 --> 01:03:30.989
takes its name from nearby Nob Lick Mountain.

01:03:31.250 --> 01:03:33.750
In the Ozarks, Nob typically refers to an isolated

01:03:33.750 --> 01:03:37.289
summit, and Wick is a natural salt lick or salt

01:03:37.289 --> 01:03:41.150
spring. The mountain runs across U .S. 67. Approximately

01:03:41.150 --> 01:03:43.750
80 acres of the summit are protected by the Missouri

01:03:43.750 --> 01:03:46.349
Department of Conservation. A gravel road leads

01:03:46.349 --> 01:03:48.550
to the conservation area, which includes a granite

01:03:48.550 --> 01:03:51.849
glade, picnic facilities, and a closed fire lookout

01:03:51.849 --> 01:03:55.530
tower. 147 was the population reported in 2020.

01:03:56.230 --> 01:04:01.489
Hi there. This is your ears. Why are you listening

01:04:01.489 --> 01:04:05.619
to this garbage? I thought we were friends. A

01:04:05.619 --> 01:04:08.880
lot of podcasts just come from a can. Here at

01:04:08.880 --> 01:04:12.300
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we pour our

01:04:12.300 --> 01:04:17.280
own podcasts. Oh, shit. What's that over there?

01:04:17.780 --> 01:04:27.000
Oh, no. It's an island of horrible jokes. I can't

01:04:27.000 --> 01:04:31.019
take my dog to the lake. The ducks keep attacking

01:04:31.019 --> 01:04:35.599
me. That's what I get for having a purebred dog.

01:04:39.980 --> 01:04:49.079
Two douchebags and a microphone, says. You ever

01:04:49.079 --> 01:04:51.199
dream about eating chocolate pudding and wake

01:04:51.199 --> 01:05:43.900
up with a spoon in your ass? Just asking. studio

01:05:43.900 --> 01:05:55.739
all right it's sold out there's only 10 cans

01:05:55.739 --> 01:06:00.079
available like you said $450 each you could have

01:06:00.079 --> 01:06:02.519
bought them in for interest -free installments

01:06:02.519 --> 01:06:07.659
or from 40 60 to a month with shop pay but it's

01:06:07.659 --> 01:06:11.280
sold out you have a little thing here that says

01:06:11.280 --> 01:06:15.400
notify me when available and it says yes we really

01:06:15.400 --> 01:06:17.659
got the prince of darkness to drink from 10 cans

01:06:17.659 --> 01:06:20.400
of our low calorie iced tea and yes he actually

01:06:20.400 --> 01:06:23.460
crushed each can himself in the process he left

01:06:23.460 --> 01:06:26.440
behind trace dna from his saliva that you can

01:06:26.440 --> 01:06:29.880
now own he even hand signed each packaging label

01:06:29.880 --> 01:06:33.539
now when technology and federal law permits you'll

01:06:33.539 --> 01:06:36.179
be able to replicate ozzy osbourne enjoy him

01:06:36.179 --> 01:06:39.139
for hundreds of years into the future Only 10

01:06:39.139 --> 01:06:42.780
available to buy. DNA integrity and cloning results

01:06:42.780 --> 01:06:49.219
not guaranteed. There you go, but they're sold

01:06:49.219 --> 01:06:52.039
out. Yeah, if there be some dumbasses trying,

01:06:52.280 --> 01:06:57.800
like us. Okay. I got the notify me when available.

01:06:58.860 --> 01:07:01.880
Yeah. All right. Well, I will let everybody know.

01:07:01.980 --> 01:07:06.320
If I get one, yee -hee. If not, then, well. Okay.

01:07:06.800 --> 01:07:11.929
So. There is a big debate going on right now,

01:07:11.949 --> 01:07:16.389
Rob. You know what? Let's go into one of your

01:07:16.389 --> 01:07:18.389
stories first, let you talk a little bit, and

01:07:18.389 --> 01:07:20.110
then I'll go into mine. Does that sound all right?

01:07:21.210 --> 01:07:25.449
Okay. All right, go ahead. Have you heard that

01:07:25.449 --> 01:07:33.730
this year's honorary knights, King Charles has

01:07:33.730 --> 01:08:03.690
knighted this year? No. serving their community.

01:08:05.030 --> 01:08:14.429
This year's honorees include David Beckham, Gary

01:08:14.429 --> 01:08:18.850
Oldham, and this is the one why I brought this

01:08:18.850 --> 01:08:23.810
story. Okay. And the legendary musician Roger

01:08:23.810 --> 01:08:29.369
Daltrey. Okay. Roger Daltrey is now a knight.

01:08:29.989 --> 01:09:56.890
I'll be damned. You want to hear a list of the

01:09:56.890 --> 01:10:01.170
musicians that have been knighted? Well, I know

01:10:01.170 --> 01:10:05.369
one for sure. Yeah, yeah. Paul McCartney. Yep.

01:10:06.609 --> 01:10:11.329
Mick Jagger. Oh, I did not know he was knighted.

01:10:11.630 --> 01:10:16.250
Yeah, I didn't remember that either. Rod Stewart.

01:10:18.090 --> 01:10:23.229
George Martin. Bob Geldof. That's surprising.

01:10:24.329 --> 01:10:28.369
Cliff Richard. Yeah. Bob Gilliland was definitely

01:10:28.369 --> 01:10:31.050
surprising. Yeah, I didn't think he had that

01:10:31.050 --> 01:10:37.550
much clout, but I guess so. David Bowie. Elton

01:10:37.550 --> 01:10:44.729
John. Wow. Van Morrison. Ray Davies. Okay, that

01:10:44.729 --> 01:10:49.029
one catches me. Van Morrison and also Ray Davies

01:10:49.029 --> 01:10:53.090
of the Kinks has also been knighted. I knew Brian

01:10:53.090 --> 01:10:58.220
May was. Did not know the Bee Gees were. Ringo

01:10:58.220 --> 01:11:04.800
Starr, Paul McCartney, like you said, Bono, Barry

01:11:04.800 --> 01:11:08.359
Gibb, which is one of the Bee Gees. Barry Gibb?

01:11:08.619 --> 01:11:10.119
Yeah, he's one of the Bee Gees. I don't know

01:11:10.119 --> 01:11:13.140
why they put that on there again. Tom Jones.

01:11:13.319 --> 01:11:16.619
He was the one with the long hair, the good looking

01:11:16.619 --> 01:11:22.060
one. Yeah, yep. Tom Jones, Eric Clapton, and

01:11:22.060 --> 01:11:26.970
now Roger Daltrey. All right. And all the Beatles,

01:11:27.130 --> 01:11:29.729
actually. It went on to say all the Beatles have

01:11:29.729 --> 01:11:33.109
been knighted. And I guess I'm not sure if John

01:11:33.109 --> 01:11:36.909
Lennon was knighted before he was killed or if

01:11:36.909 --> 01:11:40.609
he was knighted after, but all of them are officially

01:11:40.609 --> 01:11:45.409
knights. So, wow. Interesting, huh? Yeah. But

01:11:45.409 --> 01:11:47.369
you know what? I mean, if all those other names

01:11:47.369 --> 01:11:49.270
are on there, Roger Daltrey definitely should

01:11:49.270 --> 01:11:54.010
be on there. Yeah, because I did not realize

01:11:54.010 --> 01:11:57.229
there was that many rock stars on the list. I

01:11:57.229 --> 01:11:58.989
didn't either. I just decided to look it up while

01:11:58.989 --> 01:12:00.569
you were talking. I'm like, you know, I wonder

01:12:00.569 --> 01:12:03.729
who all is on that list. Well, that's a pretty

01:12:03.729 --> 01:12:06.130
good -sized list. It's a lot bigger than I thought.

01:12:07.390 --> 01:12:16.430
So, let's see here. I got one. Let's see. Okay,

01:12:16.550 --> 01:12:18.149
I was starting to go into this, but I don't think

01:12:18.149 --> 01:12:22.250
I'm going to go into that one right now. A lady

01:12:22.250 --> 01:12:29.310
on TikTok decided that she's going to create

01:12:29.310 --> 01:12:34.829
her own funeral photo montage. The reason for

01:12:34.829 --> 01:12:37.449
that is she wants to make sure she looks hot

01:12:37.449 --> 01:12:43.510
when she's being remembered. So hang on. I got

01:12:43.510 --> 01:12:45.810
just the levels here. For some reason, they died

01:12:45.810 --> 01:12:48.880
down. I don't know what's going on. Hello, hello,

01:12:49.060 --> 01:12:51.359
hello. Okay, that looks like it might work a

01:12:51.359 --> 01:12:57.300
little bit better. Okay, am I good? Yeah, actually,

01:12:57.380 --> 01:12:59.079
you're better than me right now. I don't know

01:12:59.079 --> 01:13:00.920
what's going on. Maybe it's the mic. Maybe I

01:13:00.920 --> 01:13:04.760
hit something on the mic, but anyhow. Hang on,

01:13:04.800 --> 01:13:07.960
let me try this again. Hello, hello, hello. Okay,

01:13:08.100 --> 01:13:11.399
that might be better. I don't know. Okay, this

01:13:11.399 --> 01:13:15.050
girl, she did her own... funeral photo montage

01:13:15.050 --> 01:13:18.409
so i'll remember at my hottest is what she said

01:13:18.409 --> 01:13:21.130
i made my funeral montage alexis told people

01:13:21.130 --> 01:13:24.329
she said as she casually as she connected her

01:13:24.329 --> 01:13:30.529
computer to the tv so the moment captured in

01:13:30.529 --> 01:13:33.409
a now viral tiktok video resonated with thousands

01:13:33.409 --> 01:13:35.970
online having a morbid best friend who works

01:13:35.970 --> 01:13:38.930
in a funeral and cemetery services is not for

01:13:38.930 --> 01:13:42.729
the weak Alexis has spent over six years working

01:13:42.729 --> 01:13:45.210
in the funeral industry, and for her, confronting

01:13:45.210 --> 01:13:48.529
mortality isn't unusual. She says her Mexican

01:13:48.529 --> 01:13:50.970
-American background, which embraces death as

01:13:50.970 --> 01:13:53.210
a natural part of life, influenced her perspective.

01:13:53.710 --> 01:13:55.710
I've always been a little morbid and creepy,

01:13:55.869 --> 01:13:59.409
she admits with a laugh. The idea for the montage

01:13:59.409 --> 01:14:02.850
stemmed from... Yeah, would you think, Rob? Right?

01:14:03.649 --> 01:14:07.260
Yeah. I've always been a little morbid and creepy,

01:14:07.420 --> 01:14:09.920
she admits. The idea for the montage stemmed

01:14:09.920 --> 01:14:14.520
from recent personal events. A motorcycle accident

01:14:14.520 --> 01:14:18.720
involving her cousin left the family scrambling

01:14:18.720 --> 01:14:20.939
due to a lack of legal or end -of -life plans.

01:14:21.800 --> 01:14:28.199
He's a young man, so he had no will and had no

01:14:28.199 --> 01:14:32.000
nothing, she said. That was one of the questions

01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:34.819
I was asking, does it? Does he have anything

01:14:34.819 --> 01:14:37.100
like a power of attorney who's making decisions

01:14:37.100 --> 01:14:40.739
here? Fortunately, he survived. But the accident

01:14:40.739 --> 01:14:44.979
made her realize that if you don't have any certain

01:14:44.979 --> 01:14:49.100
plans, that certain things may not happen. And

01:14:49.100 --> 01:14:52.880
then that is where she decided that when she

01:14:52.880 --> 01:14:56.319
dies, she doesn't want to be the old her. She

01:14:56.319 --> 01:14:59.310
wants to be the hot young her. And that's why

01:14:59.310 --> 01:15:01.930
she's only allowing the photos that she's already

01:15:01.930 --> 01:15:05.029
put in this montage. This montage is what's going

01:15:05.029 --> 01:15:08.149
to be when she passes away. That is what's going

01:15:08.149 --> 01:15:11.189
to be representing her, only that montage, because

01:15:11.189 --> 01:15:15.710
that is the way she has it in her will. So take

01:15:15.710 --> 01:15:19.909
that. I like it. I do too. I get it now. At first

01:15:19.909 --> 01:15:22.529
I was like, what? I don't even think it's necessarily

01:15:22.529 --> 01:15:37.930
morbid or creepy, do you? Yeah, I want a giant,

01:15:38.250 --> 01:15:45.010
what do they call that? Oh, shit. A 3DU on the

01:15:45.010 --> 01:15:47.409
wall, you know what I mean? I can't even think

01:15:47.409 --> 01:15:49.869
of the name of it now. I want to go see Ronnie

01:15:49.869 --> 01:15:54.430
James Dio. Hologram. Hologram. Yeah. I want a

01:15:54.430 --> 01:15:56.729
giant hologram of me on the wall of Funeral Home.

01:15:59.189 --> 01:16:09.130
And I'm like shaking. Yeah, the wacky inflatable

01:16:09.130 --> 01:16:13.489
flailing arm tube man of you. Is that what you

01:16:13.489 --> 01:16:17.149
want? Yeah, seriously. Yes. With my face on.

01:16:17.210 --> 01:16:21.890
Yeah. I love that. I want people, I mean, if

01:16:21.890 --> 01:16:23.890
I'm going to have a celebration in life, come

01:16:23.890 --> 01:16:27.670
on, celebrate my life. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely.

01:16:28.689 --> 01:16:33.550
Oh, shit. Hang on. What happened here? Jeez.

01:16:33.649 --> 01:16:44.569
I'm telling you. Cool. Yeah, I want a 3D hologram

01:16:44.569 --> 01:16:47.130
of me on the biggest wall in the funeral home.

01:16:47.390 --> 01:16:49.789
And I'm going to be shaking my ass and grabbing

01:16:49.789 --> 01:16:52.250
my nuts and picking my nose and just doing all

01:16:52.250 --> 01:16:54.630
this crazy shit. And going, look, if you know

01:16:54.630 --> 01:16:56.670
me, you know why this is happening. So don't

01:16:56.670 --> 01:17:01.430
question it. This is it. So either that or I

01:17:01.430 --> 01:17:03.850
want to be taxidermied. Right in the corner,

01:17:03.989 --> 01:17:06.189
not in a casket, just right in the corner. I'm

01:17:06.189 --> 01:17:09.069
just standing there looking at everybody. Oh,

01:17:09.069 --> 01:17:11.069
yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be the best, wouldn't

01:17:11.069 --> 01:17:13.050
it? There you are lurking in the corner and they

01:17:13.050 --> 01:17:15.229
have the lights down. Then all of a sudden they

01:17:15.229 --> 01:17:17.930
turn the lights on and go, Introducing Mark's

01:17:17.930 --> 01:17:23.069
final time here on Earth. And then I go home

01:17:23.069 --> 01:17:28.810
with my kids six months a year. Yes. I want strobe

01:17:28.810 --> 01:17:39.069
lights. There you go. I want strobe lights and

01:17:39.069 --> 01:17:45.430
loud music, cocaine in the bathroom. Yeah, hell

01:17:45.430 --> 01:17:49.010
yeah. Yeah, there we go. So, okay, Rob, that's

01:17:49.010 --> 01:17:50.989
all I can really squeeze out of that story. I

01:17:50.989 --> 01:17:52.930
just thought it was interesting that a lady took

01:17:52.930 --> 01:17:55.210
that initiative. She's getting a lot of grief,

01:17:55.289 --> 01:17:58.489
but it's funny because you believe like I do.

01:17:58.630 --> 01:18:00.810
I think that's awesome that she took the initiative.

01:18:07.640 --> 01:18:11.359
Our kids don't have to do it, you know? I learned

01:18:11.359 --> 01:18:15.039
that with my mom, you know? Yeah, that's true.

01:18:15.640 --> 01:18:20.979
Yeah. Yep. So, all right. Rob, you got something

01:18:20.979 --> 01:18:23.039
you want to go into? Or are you tired? Do you

01:18:23.039 --> 01:18:26.359
want to cut this up? Yeah, I got another rock

01:18:26.359 --> 01:18:29.359
story here. It sounds good to me. It's not a

01:18:29.359 --> 01:18:36.880
story, it's an announcement. Oh, okay. Nice.

01:18:37.619 --> 01:18:43.319
That iconic 1980s band best known for the songs

01:18:43.319 --> 01:18:47.359
Rock Lobster, Planet Claire, Rome, and Love Shack

01:18:47.359 --> 01:18:52.000
will join forces with fellow New Leavers, Devo.

01:18:53.220 --> 01:19:14.140
Nice. June 16th. I love that. I said I love that.

01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:18.699
Yes, yes. The official announcement came hours

01:19:18.699 --> 01:19:24.300
after the B -52T's big news was coming in a series

01:19:24.300 --> 01:19:28.939
of Instagram posts. The upcoming 11 -city tour

01:19:28.939 --> 01:19:36.020
kicks off on September 24th in Toronto. and November

01:19:36.020 --> 01:20:08.479
2nd, Houston. Cool. I'm going to have to look

01:20:08.479 --> 01:20:10.800
that up because I would be interested in going

01:20:10.800 --> 01:20:15.600
to that, would you? Yeah, I would. I would. Cool.

01:20:16.500 --> 01:20:19.699
Thank you, Rob. All right, you're welcome. All

01:20:19.699 --> 01:20:22.500
right. There was a six -foot alligator found

01:20:22.500 --> 01:20:25.199
lurking outside a Virginia hotel room. Did you

01:20:25.199 --> 01:20:29.699
hear about that? No. Okay. Well, I'm about to

01:20:29.699 --> 01:20:35.590
tell you. June 17th. which is today, police were

01:20:35.590 --> 01:20:37.750
called to a motel in Virginia where witnesses

01:20:37.750 --> 01:20:40.909
reported seeing an alligator lurking outside

01:20:40.909 --> 01:20:45.710
of a guest room. This is right next to D .C.,

01:20:45.710 --> 01:20:49.090
Fairfax County. The Fairfax County Police Department

01:20:49.090 --> 01:20:52.670
said officers responded to the Budget Host Travelers

01:20:52.670 --> 01:20:56.430
Motel in Alexandria on a report of an animal

01:20:56.430 --> 01:20:58.930
sighting, and they arrived to find there was

01:20:58.930 --> 01:21:02.029
indeed an estimated six -foot alligator outside

01:21:02.029 --> 01:21:07.600
of a hotel room. So, I'm having problems with

01:21:07.600 --> 01:21:11.460
the phone. It keeps falling. Okay. Police were

01:21:11.460 --> 01:21:14.159
called to a motel in Virginia where witnesses

01:21:14.159 --> 01:21:18.039
reported seeing the alligator. In Virginia? Wow.

01:21:18.239 --> 01:21:22.060
Animal protection police were summoned to the

01:21:22.060 --> 01:21:25.300
scene to assist with the situation. Police learned

01:21:25.300 --> 01:21:27.239
that the gator had escaped from its owner while

01:21:27.239 --> 01:21:29.840
being transported from New York to a North Carolina

01:21:29.840 --> 01:21:46.020
zoo. Virginia law... I know. Wow. I don't know

01:21:46.020 --> 01:21:47.680
what they were doing with it, but they were turning

01:21:47.680 --> 01:21:50.779
it over to a zoo, it sounds like. And then that's

01:21:50.779 --> 01:21:53.979
when it got away. Virginia law prohibits possession

01:21:53.979 --> 01:21:56.739
of alligators and similar exotic animals, so

01:21:56.739 --> 01:22:00.020
once the reptile was recaptured, police escorted

01:22:00.020 --> 01:22:02.319
the animal and its owner out of Fairfax County.

01:22:05.240 --> 01:22:07.380
And that is pretty much the end of it. It's just

01:22:07.380 --> 01:22:11.159
funny because, you know, you imagine you're getting

01:22:11.159 --> 01:22:13.939
ready to check into your room and you do a little

01:22:13.939 --> 01:22:15.539
double take. You're kind of tired. You know,

01:22:15.579 --> 01:22:17.020
you've been driving for hours. You're like, oh,

01:22:17.060 --> 01:22:19.420
shit. And this was a motel. It wasn't like a

01:22:19.420 --> 01:22:21.579
high dollar hotel or nothing. It's like a motel.

01:22:21.720 --> 01:22:24.760
Sounds like a truck stop motel. OK, you're like

01:22:24.760 --> 01:22:27.039
getting ready to use the key, get in your room.

01:22:27.039 --> 01:22:29.340
And you look over here like, oh, man, what? What

01:22:29.340 --> 01:22:33.239
the? Is that an alligator? I mean, can you imagine

01:22:33.239 --> 01:22:41.680
that? That would be insane. So. Yeah. Yep. So,

01:22:41.680 --> 01:22:44.260
Rob, you got something? You want to keep going?

01:22:44.560 --> 01:22:47.399
Actually, I'm about done for the night, dude.

01:22:47.460 --> 01:22:51.420
I'm tired. Alrighty. Okay. And I have got to

01:22:51.420 --> 01:22:53.340
get another Bluetooth because this phone thing

01:22:53.340 --> 01:22:55.659
worked as good as it worked the other day. It's

01:22:55.659 --> 01:22:58.380
working horrible today because it just keeps

01:22:58.380 --> 01:23:01.000
falling and I can't seem to keep it. Oh, no.

01:23:01.079 --> 01:23:05.250
Oh, no. It's probably me. Anyhow, thank you all

01:23:05.250 --> 01:23:09.109
for listening. Have a good night, assholes. Good

01:23:09.109 --> 01:23:13.949
night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's

01:23:13.949 --> 01:23:17.569
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't

01:23:17.569 --> 01:23:20.989
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll

01:23:20.989 --> 01:23:22.829
be back invading your ear holes soon.