Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the
Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Lissner,
hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or
Jane Lissner. Hereby promise to grab other people's
phones, unattended computers, public computers,
and all of my work computers as well and download
the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to make other people listen. I,
Joe or Jane Listener, will hereby lie to everyone
about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to make all my family members
listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.
And finally... I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,
just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
Douchebags and a Microphone. Next up, things
overheard in hell. John Wayne Gacy is in charge
of human resources. So he won't prove that we
love you here at QD Spades and Microphone Central.
Here's a proof right here about the drink of
the week. How to make the famous Carnival Cruise
Line Miami Vice frozen drink. Two ounces Bacardi
one. 7 ounces frozen pina colada mix. 3 ounces
strawberry daiquiri mix. Half a hurricane glass
of ice. Blend it all together and serve with
a slice of pineapple and a maraschino cherry
on top. Bam. There you go. Miami Vice. Carnival
style. These guys are inviting as a used hypodermic
needle. Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no.
It's the island of horrible jokes. I asked my
date to meet me at the gym. She didn't show up.
I guess we're not going to work out. Hello, this
is Phineas J. Altaris III. I'm here to deliver
your music news this evening. Brian Douglas Wilson,
the co -founder and leader of the Beach Boys,
died at the age of 82 on June 11th. Wilson was
a band's primary songwriter and a pioneer of
music, known for his creative control and use
of recording studio to create unique sounds.
He transformed teen pop in a more poetic and
modernist form. and some say his songs were intellectually
woven and distilled human emotions with artistic
complexity. Brian Wilson, you will be missed,
and music will never be the same without you.
We will forever have good vibrations because
of you. Rest in peace. This is Phineas J. Baltar
S. III. That has been your music news for this
evening. I have one burning question for you
all. Do people really skip around the Maypole?
Your mama's so stupid, she thought lightsabers
were less calories. Two douchebags and microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City vicinity. Yeah,
yeah. You said a little bit ago. We've had quite
a bit of rain. I know. You guys have had a lot
of rain down there. We've had a little, but nothing
crazy. I was over at Farm to Terror yesterday
for the dam reunion. Uh -huh. On my mom's side.
And we have our reunion right below the dam at
the campground. Wow, that's odd. Pomnitar hardly
ever does. Pomnitar feeds Truman, and Truman
feeds Lake of the Ozarks. But Lake of the Ozarks
has say on how much water they get, so Truman
and Palm have to cover the rest. Yeah, Truman
is actually considered a reservoir, not a lake.
Did you know that? Well, yeah, they both are.
Oh, yeah, and so is Pumpty Tar. They're considered
the basin for Lake of the Ozarks. Because they
are a Corps of Engineers. Yes, yep. Which means
you cannot have a house sort of dock. Lake of
the Ozarks is about the only lake in the state
of Missouri that is not a Corps of Engineers
lake. And that's why you have all the huge homes.
We have the bars. That's why we have all the
large houses on the water with docks. Yep. to
a core lake, you don't see houses on the water.
That's because they're not allowed. Yeah. Yep.
Um, no, I, um, let's see, what the hell is I
going to say now? Yeah, you know, um, I, I, yeah,
um, I, um, I would prefer a lake that is taken
care of by the Army Corps of Engineers for a
couple of reasons. Number one, it's a better
cared of lake, and number two, it's just not
a bunch of people out there being assholes. Right,
right. I mean, you have your size limits and
everything. Yeah, yeah. Speed limits. We've got
boats that run well over 100 miles an hour, and
they through it every day. Yeah. Over there,
it's like a 55 -mile an hour one. Yeah, that's
right. Anyhow, you had a little manhunt going
on, or do you want to go into that a little bit
later? your monologue and then we'll go into
it. Okay. Well, Rob, you know, you got that new
tattoo celebrating the podcast here, right? Okay.
You want to put the good use already besides
the obvious good use it does? You know, promoting
the show and just looking cool? That's what I've
been doing. Okay. Well, Chipotle locations are...
I'm getting ready to top it. Cool. I am. I'm
on a deck out my truck. Oh, kick ass. I have
some window stickers I want to put on it. Uh
-huh. And I have chosen it at the top of the
windshield on the visor area. I've already talked
to the guy that owns Bearstone Forest, the haunted
forest right here. Yeah, yeah, you talked about
him last year. He makes signs and does shit for
wraps on boats and cars and shit. Well, I'm going
to have him make me a couple of, you know, make
me a memorial for my mom to put on the back window.
Excellent. But here's the thing. Very cool. You
know how they have the tinted that you can kind
of put above your visor area. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,
that's good promotion. I like that a lot. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. It's going to be two douchebags,
a microphone podcast. Well, here's another way
you can put that to better use. I mean, it's
already good use, but here's something else you
can do with it, Rob. Chipotle locations are offering
a special buy one, get one deal. From 3 p .m.
to 4 p .m. local time, restaurants and local
time would be specific because this article.
The restaurants only if customers have a tattoo,
whether with permanent ink, temporary tattoos,
or drawn -on designs, according to a company
release. This promotion is limited to five free
menu items per check, and each free item requires
the consumer to buy an entree. item of equal
or greater value and may be collected only by
a tattoo -wearing customer. So you can go with
her, that sharp tattoo that looks so cool, and
get some free food, dude. But you can't get it
for catering, mobile, online, or delivery orders.
And kids' meals do not count as well. Well, I'm
at Lake of the Ozarks, so I'm going to have to...
You have to come up here to get it. ...the nearest
place. I'm trying to think of what the nearest
one is. Maybe Clinton might have one. I think
Clinton might have one. I don't know. I'll bet
you Jefferson City would have one. Springfield?
Maybe Lebanon. Maybe. Jefferson City would be
the closest. Yeah, I think you're right. So,
yeah, there you go. I got my Veronica tattoo
where that's the name I gave her. So, you know,
I could go in there and get a tattoo. Or not
a tattoo. I could get a free taco also. You know,
I have some other scribblings too. I mean, if
they won't accept Veronica because she is a little
naughty. I could, like, give one of the ones
that I had done while I was pretty roasted, you
know. A bottle of India ink and a needle, a sewing
needle. You know, remember those days? Yeah,
I got a couple of them. Oh, I got a few of them.
I got a couple of them. I'm real proud of them,
but I have them. I noticed something, Rob. You
drink tea, right? You don't drink coffee? Yeah,
I have sweet tea right now. Okay. I noticed my
piss -to -coffee ratio was way off. I drink one
cup of coffee in an average -sized mug, and I
have to piss four times. I don't drink water
or anything else in the morning. How does this
work, Rob? Old age. That's old age. Look, I know
caffeine. Seriously, I have the same problem.
I piss more than I take in. What I'm saying is
it doesn't make sense. I'm not consuming any
other liquid except that one cup of coffee in
the morning. So how come I have to piss four
or five times? You know, I know caffeine's a
diuretic. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. It's ridiculous.
And, you know, I'll purposely not drink that
much water in the morning so I don't have to
piss all the time, but it doesn't work. I still
have to. So, okay, I guess we just don't have
an answer, right? One of life's burning questions,
I guess, maybe, something like that. I don't
know. All right. Well, you know, I've been reporting
about trying to train my algorithms, right? Remember
this? I was bored in the hospital. Well, you
know, and with my streaming music service, I
was doing this. And, you know, when I was in
the hospital, I was turning it off when they
tried to cram four commercials in the time slot.
And then they sped them up to where it sounded,
I don't know, you know, like the Chipmunks, Alvin
and the Chipmunks or something. You know, so
they could fit the four in and then finally I
kept turning it off on that. So then they started
fitting in three. Well, it struck back. It figured
out some things to do. You want to hear what
it did? What? Okay. Well, I think it's using
my location now because whenever I'm at work,
it sends me four commercials in an elongated
ad spot. But only when I'm at work because this
thing knows. It figured out, my algorithms figured
out that when I'm in that location, I can't get
to it to go turn it down. So I have to just ride
the four commercials and the long spot off. You
know, I can't like run over to the other side
and all of a sudden shut it off and go ha ha
and then go find something else to listen to.
So this thing has figured it out. And then the
other thing it's done is on my Jeep screen there.
Okay, it used to say commercial one out of four.
Now it doesn't tell me. Nothing. It says nothing.
So I don't know how many commercials are coming
up. You see what it did? It just got me back.
Yeah, so I don't know what to do now. I've got
to figure out something else. I think what I'm
probably going to do is probably quit listening
to it and go to, I don't know, like a song list
or something for like a month and then come back
to it and maybe that's like my retaliation you
get, you see. They'll go, oh shit, he just quit
listening to us. What do we do now? I don't know.
Take him to two commercials and then I'll come
back for a month and then I, you know, you see.
I know there's a way to figure out this algorithm
shit and to screw with them back, and it was
working, but now they're playing hardcore with
me, and now they're like, you know, going, all
right, you know, we know whenever you're at this
location, you're not going to run over there
and turn it off. You're probably at work or something.
And then it's also like, well, you're reading
how many ads are coming up, and you're just like,
no, I'm not doing it and shutting it off. So
now it's not doing either one of them. You see
what I'm saying? So, yeah. Anyhow. I'm going
to keep screwing with it, and I think I'm going
to leave it alone for like a month and then come
back to it and see what happens. So there'll
be more coming up about screwing with algorithms.
Yeah, let's see what happens. Yeah. So this morning
I have this cordless beard trimmer. I've had
it for a while. Okay. It's getting more down
just a little bit. So now what happens is the
rechargeable beard trimmer dies in the middle
of thinning the face thatch, and it stops and
it tugs your beard. And it hurts like hell. I
mean, it tears like the first layer of skin off.
It gets tangled so abrupt. I mean, it's just
like, and I'm sitting there. I hate those. Oh,
I do too. So it runs out of juice. It's automatically
dead. There's no turning back. It's done, right?
So here's what's been happening, okay? In the
morning, I'm thinning the thatch out a little
bit, noticing it's getting a little crazy, looking
a little Grizzly Adams, right? So then, it gets
stuck in there, and I found out a couple mornings
now, I had to, like, cut it loose with scissors.
That's a real bitch. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, it would
not come out. It's just, like, sitting there
dead, tangled. So, yeah, kind of sucked. Yeah.
Yep. So, anyhow. Feel your pain on that, brother.
Yeah. Feel your pain. Yeah, I mean, not everybody
uses a beard trimmer, and I... I think I'm going
to go back to scissors and just trim it by hand.
I'm really sick of these things. I mean, and
I don't like to... Oh, go ahead. What? I always
do it with scissors by hand. Yeah. I always have.
Well, I think I'm going to have to out of necessity.
I love the thing, but, man, I'll tell you what.
Whenever it's stuck in your beard and it's just
hanging there and pulling the shit out of your
skin and you've got to scramble to find a pair
of scissors in the morning and cut it out, that's
it. i'm done with it so um and i don't like the
cord ones you have to find a place there to plug
it in and then you're kind of limited on space
you know the cord the ones with the cord don't
work very well either so it was like you know
i'm just gonna use scissors um so you know british
doctors are prescribing poo pills with free dries
uh with freeze -dried feces as a new treatment
Pooh pills, also known as crapsils, okay? But
these little caps... I'm serious. They call them
crapsils. These little capsils packed with freeze
-dried fecal matter have recently shown promise
in treating everything from advanced cancer to
deadly liver disease. Shit. Shit in a pill. Freeze
-dried shit, dude. Some even say that fecal transplants
in which the poop of a healthy person is transferred
into someone else could be a key to crushing
it at the gym and reversing some signs of aging.
Shit is the key, Rob. Okay. Yeah. It's interesting
reading this, right? So now UK researchers are
testing whether Capsules containing pre -striped
stool from healthy donors can uproot antibiotic
-resistant bacteria hiding in patients' guts.
In the trial, 41 patients who recently battled
drug -resistant infections were split into two
groups. One received three sets of these poo
pills, and the other three were given a placebo.
A month later, those with the real treatment
were found to have healthy donor bacteria successfully
colonizing their guts. A sign the pills may have
flushed out the bad bugs. You know, so Rob, hey,
here's the deal, right? If someone tells you
to eat shit, it may not be a bad thing. What?
Yeah, they tell you to eat shit, go. You know
what? Forget it. You know, that's not a bad idea.
Thank you. You know, my gut's been feeling a
little bad lately, so I think you're right. I
think I do need to go eat shit. So have a good
day. Thanks. Yeah, I don't know. So yesterday
evening, went to the youngest granddaughter's
recital, right? And it was a really good production.
It was down at Ray Peck's new auditorium. I put
in a bunch of the railings and glass there a
few years back at the old place that I'm so happy
to be away from. And yes, fuck them still. In
case anybody's wondering, fuck them still. You
know, I have to piss really bad. So I head to
the bathroom and on the door was a sign with
a QR code that read rectal. Okay. I'm like, what?
Okay. I'm thinking, well, I guess we're talking
about colon cancer, right? That screening. That's
what I thought, right? It said rectal. Well,
I'm on my way out and I look at the sign again.
And the sign was about a dance recital, only
the I in recital was rubbed out. And I'm like,
wait a minute. Dance rectal? Oh, oh, oh, I get
it. The I is rubbed out. It was dance recital.
And I'm just sitting there shaking my head going,
I wonder who else noticed that. And I was like,
rectal? What? Probably nobody. I just thought
that they were trying to tell you to go get your
colon checked. That's what I thought until I
read it all the way out. I'm like, okay, okay,
I get it. It's like, go get your colon checked.
Don't get fucking cancer. You know, all that
stuff. But, you know, I had a good chuckle with
myself, even if no one else noticed or anything.
Have you heard of ozempic penis, Rob? Male users
reveal shocking change to their genitalia after
injecting weight loss shot. It's a miracle drug
that promises to shrink your size except where
it matters, Rob. And I know that you don't need
any help down there. I'm not saying this. And
I'm not saying anyone out there listening to
this needs any help down there. But you know
what? If you want to add a couple inches, I don't
know anyone that would be like, I don't know
about that. So, male Ozempic users say their
penises have gotten bigger since they started
injecting the weight loss shot. With dozens of
well -endowed fellows flocking to online forums
to fawn over their expanded members, Rob. I recently
measured myself down there and I noticed I gained
about one inch, an anonymous user recently claimed
on a Reddit thread. Now I think people will say
it was because of the fat loss. However, at the
time I measured myself. Four years ago, I was
thinner, the man claimed. Has anyone else noticed
this change in themselves, he asked. Numerous
male Ozempic users chimed in, and one added they
had an inch, they had an inch in themselves.
Another one had two and a half inch length expansion,
according to them. One guy said that his member
expanded, and then when he quit taking it, it
didn't shrink all the way back to what it was
before. But it wasn't the size it was when he
was taking Ozempic. So, you know, I used it for
a couple months and I hated it. I do my weight
loss completely differently now. I don't involve
stuff like that at all because I think that stuff's
bad. And there's a lot of side effects with it.
And I didn't like it. It wasn't for me. But now
I'm thinking men will be getting that prescription
just because they read what I just did. Don't
you see that happening? Yeah, I see that. We
live in a land of penis pumps, Rob. Yeah. Yeah.
They'll be out there shooting themselves up in
their belly for that shit. Hell yeah, man. You
know, but like our friend BJ used to say, and
you might have heard him say this, he goes, well,
he goes, you know, I wouldn't mind a few extra
inches. He goes, not that I'm doing that bad
down there, but the next time I bang a chick,
I want to go up for manslaughter. Yeah. That's
what he used to say, that. I remember him saying
that, yes. Yeah, and it's like, well, you got
to have a goal. You got to have a goal in life.
I'm glad you figured it out. So, anyhow, that's
pretty much for this. I have some more stuff,
but let's get to some stuff you got, Rob, you
know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go
into some local Lake of the Ozark news that happened
this week. Exactly. And, of course, in Rob Brant
fashion, there is a twist at the end of it. Well,
of course. Well, a manhunt comes to an end in
Candy County Wednesday afternoon when law enforcement
is able to converge on... and take 41 -year -old
William Hordes into custody. I'm making history
famous, dude. Cool. Several -hour manhunt began
after a traffic stop on North State Highway 5,
which happened like two miles from where I work.
They come to our building and told us we need
to go. Nice. Well, you'll understand when I go
further into the story. Okay. He was wearing
blue jeans, no shirt. What it was, I had a different
news story that better detailed everything. So
I'm going to use my own words. Okay. What it
is, they pulled him over. Mm -hmm. Okay. Well,
it was a car that he was known to be associated
with. Okay. I got him out of the car. He tried
lying about his name. his name and switched social
security numbers, whatever. They caught it. There
was a tussle that ensued between him and an officer.
They ended up in the ditch, rolling around. This
dude went for the officer's gun. Not good. Okay.
Well, the man, he ended up running off, and they
caught him between the Hampton City Aquatic Center,
which is near the park. Okay. This crap went
down two miles from where I work. Where he got
busted, I walked right out my door. It's literally
right here, dude. Literally right here. Wow.
I'll show you when you come down. Okay. I could
damn near throw a rock and hit where they busted
him. So he started out near your work and then
ended up at your house? Yeah. Well, like I said,
there's stickers to the story. Okay. He was wanted
on a parole violation. Okay. A few years ago,
he pulled a Camden City police officer's gun
and shot him. Oh. And went to prison. Oh. He's
only been out for like two, three, four months.
I know this very fast. Like I said, there's a
kicker. There is a big kicker to this story.
Okay. Well, come to find out, this William Horst
is my granddaughter's estranged uncle. That's
a kicker. That's a kicker. Well, there's even
more of a kicker. Okay. My granddaughter's dad
was killed last weekend before this happened
in a motorcycle wreck over in Illinois, a car
hitting head -on. Oh. And then his brother, who's
been out of prison three or four months, goes
and does this. And, of course, they found methamphetamine
on him, too. Of course. Yeah, no. When my granddaughter
was born, he was fighting for parole over shooting
that Campton cop. And from what I've been told,
it happened at the school. Now, that part may
not be true. He would have been like 21. He did
like 20 years on that. Just got out. had a parole
violation for absconding because he did not report
to his parole officer. And all this goes down.
But yeah, this is my granddaughter's estranged
uncle. Wow. Crazy world, huh? It is. Like, holy
shit. You did know him. Yeah, well, I never met
him. He was in prison when we were all together,
you know. Yeah, I got you. Wow. All right, you
want to take our first break and come back with
some emails? Yeah. I can't wait to listen to
the assholes. Well, you know Mitch has got something
for you. Yeah, he's got one. Yep. All right,
we'll be right back. The origin of Velcro. George
D. Mestrel found inspiration in his most famous
invention in those annoying little burrs that
can get stuck to your clothing after a walk in
the woods. They came from the burdock plant,
and when D. Mestrel put them under a microscope,
he realized that they made use of little tiny
hooks. on the surface of the burr to grab onto
whatever passes by. Hey there, Slap Nets. It's
time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little
pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your
music news. Sad news in the music industry. Sylvester
Stewart, or better known as Sly Stone, has passed
away at the age of 82. Sly was a pioneer in the
funk rock scene. Sly and the Family Stone upset
the Las Vegas status quo when they were pooped
into a three -month, six -night, a week gig at
the Pussycat -a -Go -Go, an engagement that was
attended from everyone from James Brown to Bobby
Darin. The group would use their Mondays off
to fly to Los Angeles to record their debut album,
A Whole New Thing. It would include their first
hit single, Dance to the Music, which would also
become a single on their sophomore album. While
the band enjoyed early success, Stone eventually
fell on hard financial times, would later be
plagued by health issues and even homelessness.
Praised as a musical genius, he also became known
for being reclusive. Before he vanished, Stone
was a potent creative in the late 1960s and early
1970s. A singer, songwriter, bandleader, and
producer, his group's other hits include Hot
Fun in the Summertime, Thank You, and Family
Affair. You'll be missed, Mr. Stone. This is
Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music news, and
remember, bar chords are bullshit. Two douchebags
and microphone in an effort to keep everything
fresh. We offer you first world problems. My
76 -inch smart HDMI, triphonic, stereo TV. My
remote won't work unless I'm right in front of
it. I can't believe it. This is bullshit. Your
mom is so scatterbrained. It took her two hours.
60 minutes. Hey, look. I think we found land.
Oh, my God. I think we're safe. Oh, no. It's
an island of horrible jokes. What do you call
an angry carrot? A steamed veggie. Hey there,
Buxton. You're just in time for brand new feature
news nobody gives a shit about. A woman in Texas
holds the world's record for the longest time.
She checks in at 3 .11 inches wide. Two douchebags
and microphone. I'm Mark here at the Talk is
Cheap studio in the stream southern edge of the
Kansas City Metroplex. And I am Rob at the beautiful
diagonal arm of Lake of the Ozarks in the Duck
Blind studio. And you just mentioned Mitch, and
I'm sorry, I forgot I provoked the bear over
the fucking phone. You poked the bear, and he's
back. He got right on it. You know what I posted?
I posted it the next morning, right? Tuesday
morning? Yeah, Tuesday morning, right? Okay.
No, Wednesday morning. I posted it Wednesday
morning. Wednesday about 1 o 'clock, I got an
email from him. So as soon as he listened, he
was on there. All I want to say is, bitch, I
love you. Oh, he loves you too. Okay, first one
is, guys, what the hell? Music news? What next?
Your pop culture report? I think that's a good
idea. Come on now, stop it. Jerome and St. Charles.
He's really not going to like some of the segments
I'm getting ready to do, and I'll tell you about
them off of the podcast because I'm pretty excited
about it. But on a personal note between me and
you. I say, well, after that, I say we do a segment.
Me too. Do you like them, Rob? Do you like the
new music news? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I like it.
Okay. Well, we haven't been able to do music
creeps for a couple of weeks, and that's because
Christopher's wife had to have some surgery.
And when he has some time, then we're going to
start doing them again. But that was originally
meant for that. But I also found that they fit
very well in this podcast. Don't you think? Yeah,
I mean, who the hell doesn't like Johnny Rohypnol?
And I forgot the other names. Did I use Rip Blankenship
yet or anything like that? Yes, but I'm still
trying to figure out why Mrs. Goldstein picked
on me. That was a nightmare, man. I know. A nightmare.
I don't know why either. I wasn't even part of
you until we were giving her shit. And she picks
on me. She made you the capuchin monkey. Yeah!
That was torture, man. And they swatted your
ass for how long? Three hours? Something like
that. Hell, it was hurting so bad, I had no sense
of time. I was hurt. I felt like I was in the
neck cage. Who would have known that Miss Golfenstein
used to be a high priestess? Oh, shit. You know.
That is Blanchard talking to the wall, dude.
Yeah, yeah. She's doing voodoo, I guess. Yeah.
All right. Thank you, guys. Yeah, I have no excuse.
Miss Golfenstein decided to hit you to get us
back. All right. I just got my fuckhammer pajamas
from Macy's. Better get them soon. They're selling
out fast. Mitch. Go right on. Mitch, Rob's new
bestie and fellow fuckhammer roadie. I guess
you're both fuckhammer roadies now. Yes. There
you go. You're both roadies now. I figured he'd
hammer down on me. No, he loved it. Yeah, he
did. I love the fact that you're both fuckhammer
roadies. He just made you both roadies. Yeah.
Mitch is Mitch. And that was it. He didn't write
anything about South Freeman or anything like
that. Oh, my God. I know. He just said fellow.
Yeah, I actually love that song. Yeah, that's
great. Mitch, Rob's new bestie and fellow fuckhammer
roadie. There you go. Next one. Douchebags. I
am doing a few weeks of traveling, mostly by
car, enjoying life and visiting old friends and
relatives. My travels have me staying the night
in Waco, Texas. I found the Dr. Pepper Museum
here in Waco. This thing is cooler than I ever
imagined. I just thought I would let you know
because I'm certain that is right up Mark's alley.
Ronnie in Tulsa. Yes. Tulsa King. Well, I'm glad
Ronnie is out enjoying himself. He had a tough
time there for about a half year, and he's doing
better, so God bless him. Yeah, I love the Dr.
Pepper Museum, and I want to make it back there
sometime. It's a really cool museum. It's not
one of those museums where you get bored at and
start looking and, you know, kind of looking
around. Everything in there was very interesting
and pertinent to the invention and the rollout
of Dr. Pepper and the guy behind it. And I mean,
it's really informative. And someone like me
that's a nerd like that, it's like a dream. And
also, you can buy the original. Dr. Pepper formula
that comes in an 8 -ounce bottle. It has Imperial
cane sugar and artesian well water with natural
flavorings and carbonation and sugar. You know,
like I said, the Imperial sugar. It is a treat.
Everyone I took that to that is a Dr. Pepper
fan was just like going, oh my God, I cannot
believe it's that good. Well, I just wanted to
say one thing. Tulsa King, enjoy your you time
while you can have it. Yeah, yeah. It means a
lot. Trust me. Coming from somebody that knows
all too well lately. Yeah. You need your me time.
And that's where you collect your thoughts and
you get back to life and do what you got to do.
I'm just being straight up about that. That's
a serious thing with me right now. Sorry. Well,
I'm just happy you broke us off an email. He
wasn't going to. He was just going to relax.
But that Dr. Pepper Museum, like, I'm really
honored that he thought of me because he hit
it. I mean, he knows me, too. No, no. Yeah, that
directed right at you. I just want to let him
know, from me to him, enjoy this time while you
can have it. Ronnie, there you go. We all need
it from time to time just to get away. Yeah,
yeah. We all do. We all know this. My me time
around the house is in here in the talk is cheap
dungeon, I like to call it, or also my man cave.
You know, my me time is in here. I'll come in
here and just I can defrag myself, you know.
I come in here and everything around me is just.
Okay, we had the Bluetooth die. So now Rob is
on speakerphone because the new Bluetooth that
I purchased from Amazon is a piece of shit. Imagine
that. Yeah. Okay, Rob, say something again. I
want to see how it turns out on the audio tonic.
Okay, I think it's going to work good enough.
Okay, Rob, go ahead. What were you saying? I
was saying I hope everybody had a happy Father's
Day. It looks to me like it's working really
well, Rob, now. All right. The levels look great.
Let's see what we do. Okay, let's see. You're
the editor of this podcast, right? Could you
please try to even out the sound? You about blew
my eardrums with that strange but true bit and
that damn buzzer. Teresa in New Haven. New Heaven,
not Haven. Yeah, I know. I'm working on all them.
I need time. I'm sorry. Sometimes this thing
will fool you because the software that I use.
will act like it's not hitting the red. You don't
want the red. It won't top out. But then when
you go and you re -record it and you put the
bits together, you'd have to... You know what?
Yeah, right. You know what? Forget it. I'm working
on it. It's like recording the old cassettes
or whatever, you know? Yeah, yeah. I get it.
Yeah. Yeah, so... It is what it is. I'm working
on it. It's all a work in process. But you know
how many? I've probably got over a thousand bits
now. And I'd have to, I mean, just like things
overheard in hell. I have 80 of those. Oh, yes.
80 of those. And re -recording all of them is
going to take some time. I will do it. But, man,
just give me a little while, please. I'm sorry.
The ones that are really obnoxious, I'll try
to hit them first. And the thing is, is I can't
tell on this thing on the computer at all that
it does that. I notice when I'm in my car and
all of a sudden I'm like, ah! Yeah, so I'm sorry.
I'm working on it. It's free. You're getting
your money's worth, Teresa. Yeah, I'm sitting
here at 5 .30, 6 o 'clock in the morning. I got
shit screaming through my ear all of a sudden.
I'm like, oh! But, you know, hey, like you said.
You get what you pay for. It's free. But strange
but true is... Unless you're like some other
emailers that actually pay for it. Yeah. That's
not our fault. I'm trying to get to the bottom
of that, Rob. There's no right or wrong reason.
I don't know what it is. I've looked and looked
and looked. They got me paying for their subscription
is what it is. It's got to be because there is
no paywall. On any of them. I've heard this from
a few people, which is concerning, but I have
no idea what's going on. Just so everybody knows,
we're not seeing a dime of it. Yeah, it's not
us. If somebody's making money on us, we're going
to talk. And also, someone's making money off
of us. they're getting you. They're getting by
on you because we're not charging a dime for
this. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We're a couple working
stiffs just like you guys. Yep, that's right.
All our hard -earned fucking work here is for
free. Slaving over a hot microphone for free.
I mean, come on, guys. Our Bluetooth just came
out on you. You just heard it. Yeah, and I had
to buy such a cheap one it won't even connect
to the phone. So there you go. See? So, you see,
we're barefoot with dirt floors here. And you
guys are yelling at us. All right, next one.
I have IBS and I've noticed the show makes me
poop more regularly. Maybe you could brand your
show with stool softener. Walter and KC. Walt.
We do have a bit that has been proven. We have
been proven to make mice. We have been proven
to make mice shit in laboratory tests. I believe
it. Remember, Chad said to shit in comfort. So
I'm glad we can help. So we have been, you know,
I guess we have been branded a stool softer then,
right? Right? Chad said it in Laboratory Miles.
Now we know who we're looking towards for sponsors.
Yeah, yeah. So, it won't be X -Lax. So, you know.
So, I'm glad we could help you, Walter. I'm glad
we could help you, Walter. I'm glad you can shit
in comfort. All right. Rob. You were talking
about finding your stories on your phone. There's
a voice memo app on your phone. I do this for
college notes. I'm taking a new podcasting course
as one of my classes. The University of Southern
Illinois offers this, but I would think most
do it by now. Keep up the quality entertainment,
please. Mark in Carbondale. I believe that's
Illinois. Southern Illinois. Yeah, yeah. Carbondale
would be Illinois, yes. Yeah, yeah. You go through
it. I think I -70 goes through it, doesn't it?
I believe so. I guess they do offer podcasts
in a lot of colleges now. That's not the first
time I've heard that. It took me until I was
54 years old to stumble across it. I've been
on podcasts actually a long time. I've been on
podcasts since the late 90s. That's how long
they've been around. They haven't been called
podcasts since then. But go ahead, what? When
I got on a podcast is when I started talking
to you and Topher. Yeah, you're... I did not
listen to podcasts before that. That's why I
still have it Saturdays off when we go down to
the city market on Saturdays. And we try to get
people to talk to us. But our old friend Rob
would call in every day. Yeah. Every time we're
out there. You pretty much became our third member.
So, and now you are. And things happen, and yes,
I am the third member. Yep, but Topher is still
around. It's just he's got some stuff he has
to deal with. You know, your wife comes first,
and I completely support him on this, and he's
taking care of her like a good husband does,
and he will be back. So, all right. And finally,
dummy, stop with this horrible thing you call
a show. This is the worst thing ever. I've listened
to every show twice, and I'm for sure it sucks.
Here we go again. Here we go again. No, no, no.
The guy's joking, and he goes, thanks, guys,
at the very end. He said, I've listened to every
show twice. I'm for sure it sucks. Because I
know why he wrote this. The guy that we're talking
about. Yes, yes, I do too. Like an hour and 20
minutes into it, the show's almost over. And
he's quoting that, saying how horrible it is,
and it's like, so. You, you're in the habit of
listening to something you hate for an hour and
20 minutes. You have much more time. No, he didn't
listen to every show twice. Okay, I got it. Yeah.
Yeah, you have much more time on your hands than
I do, apparently. So, anyhow, hey, thank you,
and you didn't leave a name. Whoever you are,
that was a funny email. Thank you. I'm glad you
listened to every show. Yeah, it made me think
about it for a minute. Yeah, you know. I love
it, though. You got us twice. I'm hoping we got
credit twice, you know. I hope you downloaded
it from your works computer. That way we got
twice the credit on RSS and Google and all that,
right? Yep. All right. You must do that because
we command you to and you must obey, right? It's
in the bylaws. It is. Whenever you pick up this
podcast, it's right there. It says it somewhere
in the fine print. So with that being said, Rob,
we turn to you for the next bit of entertainment,
ha -ha, and what have you. Okay, well, I got
one for you. All right. Okay, last Friday, a
Kentucky man known among locals as Cowboy Cody
was taken into custody after releasing a raccoon
into a local dive bar. Okay, go on. Mason, 40
years old, was arrested on a handful of charges,
including assault after the incident at the Big
Apple Grill and Bar in Murray, Kentucky. If you
are familiar with the wild crimes in Kentucky,
the offender's name might look familiar to you,
because at the end of 2024, Mason was arrested
twice in three days after leading cops on a low
-speed mule. chase. It's getting better. You
heard me right. You heard me. You can't make
this stuff up is what this says. Truth is always
stranger than fiction. I've learned. In December
last year Mason had too much fun at the local
wiring hole when the bar the same bar involved
in the most recent arrest asked Mason to leave.
When Parisa arrived on the scene, he refused
to stop on his trusty steed. And according to
some witnesses, he was seen mistreating the animal.
Two days later, assuming he was released on bail,
Mason broke out his mule from the stable where
it was being taken care of. Mason down local
roads while he tried to run from the cops atop
his mule. Mason is facing charges again after
committing some more serious crimes last week.
After being banned from the Big Apple Grill bar
for the drunken mule incident, he returned Friday
night, already showing signs of intoxication.
Why not? Why not? Yeah. I'm not going to mention
her name because she tried to do her job. A bartender
at the establishment told the New York Post that
she approached Mason asking him to leave. She
said that Mason generally liked her before he
was banned, and so she thought she could get
him to go without causing a scene. After he left,
she felt she had done a good job getting to leave
without a fight. However, that feeling was short
-lived because Mason quickly returned, unleashing
a wild raccoon into the bar. Awesome. I like
this guy. That's called spark. Yeah, it was in
the bar container. catching it, blah, blah, blah.
Cops pulled over Mason later that night. He refused
to roll his window down for them to question
him, but eventually they arrested him. Mason
was taken to Callaway County Jail as facing charges
of third -degree criminal trespass, second -degree
assault, resisting arrest, and Oh, yeah. And
by the way, there was a bar worker that tried
to help the man to catch it. They got bit by
the raccoon. Oh, shit. But it does go on to say
the worker who the raccoon bit was taken to receive
care and got rabies shots. Yeah, but rabies shots
are a real pain in the ass, too. Oh, man. And
then the second time he escapes and busts the
mule out. You want to know her stories, there
you go. Oh, shit. Yeah, I know. A husband and
wife say they were forced to sit next to a woman's
body for several hours after she dropped dead
on a 15 -hour flight. Mitchell Ring and Jennifer
Cullen were en route from Melbourne, Australia.
They have two different names, but they're married?
Okay, well, anyhow. I've heard that before. En
route from Melbourne, Australia to Qatar. When
the unidentified female passenger suffered a
medical emergency in the aisle during the long
-haul Qatar Airways flight, a current affair
reported this. Unfortunately, the lady couldn't
be saved, which was pretty heartbreaking to watch,
Ring told the TV show Tuesday. They tried to
wheel her up towards business class, but she
was quite a large lady and they couldn't get
her through the aisle. Damn! Yeah. The Australian
couple who had two spare seats in their row of
four said the frustrated flight crew then asked
them to shift over so they could prop the corpse
up alongside them. So they wanted the corpse
to sit upright right next to them. Could you
imagine that? They said, can you move over, please?
And I just said, yes, no problem, he said. I
would have said, no, I can't move over. Fuck
no! Get the fuck away from me. I'm dealing with
this the best I can, okay? So, it's a 15 -hour
flight. Don't they have an area where they carry
luggage? Well, I guess they couldn't get her
through the aisle, you know? No pun intended,
that's dead weight. Good point. Yeah, that's
dead weight. So, I mean, you know. So they placed
the lady in a chair that I was in. A shocking
photo of the grim ordeal captured Ring watching
his TV as the woman's body sat next to him. Ring
claims... Gosh, man. Oh, you know what? They
should have played the lottery right after that
because the yin and yang are what? The yin and
yang of luck would have guaranteed they won $50
million after that. So, at least they put a cover
over the lady's body, which was great. When they
finally landed, which is like 12 hours later,
the couple who were flying to Italy said the
airline crew told them to remain in their seats
while first responders came to retrieve the body.
This is one of those things. where it just sucks.
And the problem is, is I don't think there's
anyone at fault here because the woman was so
large they couldn't get her through the aisle.
You know, dead weight, and like I said, no pun
intended, dead weight is completely different.
Yes, it is. It takes a lot to lift that up that
just can't move. It's like twice as heavy as
what it is. And she was already a large lady.
And the flight crew, Could not get her through.
I'll tell you what it was. It didn't describe
it all the way like you saw. That was the article
that I just read. Okay. You know how you walk
through an airplane aisle and you bump into people
all the time because there's not that much room?
Well, imagine taking a dead large lady up the
aisle. Her head's going to be hitting into people's
faces and arms and legs. It's just impossible.
And then the next thing you know, the autopsy
says she died of a broken neck. Yeah, yeah. I
did it. I did it. Yeah, you know, this is one
of those incidents where you can't blame anybody.
And, I mean, it sounds like the flight crew tried
to do what they could. At least they threw a
blanket over her, you know? Yeah, yeah. Everything
else, that just sucks. I mean, you talk about
just, like, drawing the unlucky straw. They did.
So. All right. We're going to take our second
break, which we're really late for. Imagine that.
And we'll be right back with something Rob wants
to talk about. I got one for you here. Ms. Gulkenstein
was tired of Mark and Toe for making sport of
her. Little did the douchebag know Ms. Guffenstein
was a voodoo high priestess when she was younger.
She grew angry and cast a spell on Rob, changing
Rob into a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to
a local zoo so he could be with the other monkeys.
Here are the adventures of Rob, the capuchin
monkey. Shh, be very quiet. We're going to listen
in as Rob the Capuchin Monkey tries to sell the
rest of the Capuchin Monkey's Amway. Rob has
always dreamed of becoming a Diamond Status Amway
as a Capuchin Monkey. Little did our hero Rob
know. All the great apes owned stock in Sam's
Club and became violently pissed off when he
tried to infringe on their territory. They promptly
grabbed switches and beat his ass for three days
straight. Rob could not sit down. Two Dishbags
and Microphone is the only podcast available
anywhere with gusto. That's right, I said gusto.
Gusto is a magical ingredient in Schlitz beer
that makes it so damn delicious. So enjoy a little
gust over your podcast today. Somewhere in the
heavens, your great Grammy Gertrude is crying
because her little Bebo is listening to this
film. Have you ever wondered what something is
about? Have you ever looked at something and
said, Hmm, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The
Origin of The Origin of Knee -High Soft Drinks.
Claude Hatcher overheard a route salesman enter
the plant one day and described the competitor's
tall bottle as being knee -high. Knee -high originated
with the Cherro Cola Company in Columbus, Georgia
by Claude A. Hatcher in 1912. You watched the
news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all of our podcasts beforehand
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the
post -apocalypse. Okay, so you have your bunker
set. And what do you do inside this bunker to
give you the readiness if an apocalypse occurs?
Here are some products you will probably use.
Zip ties, duct tape, fishing line, a needle and
thread, Matches or lighter, scissors, safety
pins, super glue, bungee cords, parachute cord,
sugar, salt, pepper, garlic, and chicken and
beef bouillon cubes. Krusty's Instant Pancake
Mix, Jiffy Muffin Mix, or Bisquick, or all the
above. Powdered milk, cocoa, instant coffee,
or other dry beverage mixes. Canned meats like
tuna, chicken, salmon, and sardines. Candid dry
soup. like Lipton and Knorr noodle packages,
nuts, peanut butter, jelly or honey, breakfast
bars, cereals, packaged oatmeal, low -salt crackers,
Ritz crackers, graham crackers, or animal cookies,
canned and dry vegetable and fruit, and this
should get you started. Hi there. This is your
ears. Why are you listening to this garbage?
I thought we were friends. Jam X. What the hell
happened? You were the generation of change.
You never wanted to be one of them. Apathy spoke
for you. Fuck the man. Fuck the system. What
the hell happened? The generation of angst? The
generation of noncompliance? Is now buying a
boat? You're really fed up to kill someone who
dangled a dollar near you. Great job, Xers. Everything's
ruined. Oh, shit. What's that over there? Oh,
no. It's the island of horrible jokes. If I ever
find that doctor that screwed up my limb replacement
surgery... I will kill him with my bare hands.
Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark in the
Kansas City area at the Talk is Cheap studio.
There we go. All right, Rob, you had something.
Yes, I do. You're going to love this one, Mark.
All right. You're going to love it. Cool. The
sequel to the 1987 cult classic Star Wars parody
will be released in theaters in 2027. Score.
And Mel Brooks is coming back as Yogurt. Josh
Greenbaum will direct the film from a script
by a top team that includes Frozen star Josh
Gad, also a producer. Benji Samet and Dan Hernandez.
I don't know. Plot details and more casting news.
Nice. And actually, Yogurt predicted this reunion
on screen 38 years ago. No kidding. Cool. Well,
that's what Yogurt said at the time. Yeah. So,
we'll see what they call it. Okay. Yeah, baseball
too. 2027 is what you said? That's what the article
says. Okay, we've got to wait a little bit, but
I'm sure it's going to be worth the wait. Now,
here's the other thing. Okay. has said they are
coming back. Good. Okay. Good. And, Daphne Zuniga,
Zuniga. Who is Princess Vespa. Uh -huh. Now,
they're just trying to figure out what they're
going to do about Marsh. Um, yeah. Who was played
by the famous John Candy. Yep. Yeah. Um, I'm
sure there's somebody that complains. Which would
be equal to the Star Wars Chewbacca to those
that don't know. Yeah, yep. Yeah, I forgot. John
Candy, yeah. Wow. Yes. Well, they'll find somebody,
I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure they will. It sounds
like it's going to be a quality thing, so they're
going to find somebody who's right for the part
that'll do it right. Yeah, yeah, I mean... is
coming out of retirement. Rick Moranis has been
retired. He's coming out of retirement. I didn't
know he was retired. I know he hadn't done it
in a long time. I read another article about
this that mentioned that, yeah, Rick Moranis
has been out of the scene. He's been pretty much
retired. But he's coming out of retirement to
do this. It was an iconic film. Yeah, it's like
one of the best parody films ever. Honestly,
I'm surprised it wasn't on either one of our
comedy lists. Oh, shit. You know what? You're
right. It was not. You know what? That list is
too bad we could only do seven. Yeah. Because,
I mean, there are just so many ones that I wanted
to put on it. Spaceballs would have been there,
definitely. Yes, I agree. Eh, well. All right.
You know, since I was talking about planes earlier,
you know, and the dead lady and all that, right?
Well, another plane had a problem also. Only
this was quite a bit different than the dead
lady laying there, obviously. An army of mosquitoes
take over an entire plane, causing passengers
to become extremely itchy, just praying for the
flight to be over. A recent Indigo flight from
Lucknow to Delhi in India. or Delhi, or I think
it's Delhi, in India had some unexpected guests
that caused flyers to become extremely itchy
and irritated. An army of mosquitoes swarmed
and annoyed passengers on a flight that took
off the day after Easter, and this is a little
bit ago, for the duration of almost a 90 -minute
flight, flyers were left with no choice but to
swat away the pesky bugs. One passenger, named
Mashia Pandey, said the whole flight was spent
scratching, swatting, and just praying for the
flight to get over with, according to the jam
press. Airlines don't care. Airports can't imagine,
can't manage basic pest control, and passengers
are just expected to take it quietly, said Pandy.
I don't think there's much they can... Rob, do
you think there's much they can do about it?
I guess they could spray, right? Eh, that'd be
about it. Yeah, um... I understand their frustration.
It would suck being trapped in a flying tin can
with a swarm of mosquitoes. I get that. I don't
know what all they could do to prevent it because
if you sprayed the, you know damn well, if you
sprayed the plane, people would be complaining
about going, man, what's that smell? You guys
put chemicals in this, right? So I don't think
there's that much, you know. Another flyer said
that it's bad service. It's a systemic rot. The
frustrated flyer whined. So an open door on a
flight is what caused the mosquitoes to come
in. But the thing is, is it doesn't say why the
door was open. I mean, you know, they could be
doing anything from handling baggage, but a door
has to be open. for people to get in from the
gangway, right? And they don't fit. There's daylight
everywhere when you're loading a plane. You go
down the gangway from the airport, and then where
the gangway connects to the airplane, there's
daylight everywhere. They can't form fit that.
You have all different types of planes that come
in from different angles. You can't do that.
So I don't think you want to spray the plane
with a bunch of chemicals. because that's bad,
too. So this is another one of those deals where
I don't think there's anything I could do, just
like the dead lady they couldn't remove. So I
understand it's sucking, though. Can you imagine
being stuck in a tin can with a bunch of mosquitoes?
Right, right. No, I totally get that, yeah. Yeah.
So this is another one where I can't blame the
air flight attendants or nothing. It's just a
sucky situation. And not to mention, they're
getting their ass bit up too. All right, Rob,
you got something? Yeah, I do. I have another
serious one here. A serious one, okay. Yeah,
it was one I ran across. It needs to be talked
about, I think. Sounds good. The number of Missourians...
languishing in jail while they wait for a spot
in a state -run psychiatric hospital continues
to climb, with nearly 450 people stuck in limbo
and need a mental health treatment. Individuals
on the wait list have been charged with crimes
but not convicted. Many are detained for longer
than they... would be if they'd received a maximum
sentence for their charges. The length of the
wait list is up over 40 % from a year ago and
over 80 % for 2023, according to the latest figure
provided during a monthly Mental Health Commission
meeting on Thursday and data previously received
from the Independent. So that's something the
Mental Health Commission knows about. Wow. Nora
Brock, Director of the Behavioral Health Division
of the Missouri Department of Mental Health,
said the silver lining of this situation is that
more individuals have begun receiving care through
a pilot program the legislature passed in 2023,
which brings... treatments to the jails. There
are 18 individuals currently enrolled in that
program. Okay. Did you hear what I just said?
Yeah. Okay. There is over 450 people waiting
for this service. Wow. 18. is bragging about
18 people being helped. There's a problem here.
There's a problem here. If you think that 18
is such a spectacular accomplishment... Well,
like the article said, a lot of these people
have been in there waiting for that treatment
longer than if they would have been sentenced
to the court. They could have been out. Yeah.
Just waiting on treatment, and they haven't even
been sentenced yet. That is not good. Yeah, something
I just had to bring to light, I think. Well,
I'm glad you did, because, I mean, it brings
up some problems, obvious problems that are there.
Well, there's a lot of problems, and I've been
reading a lot of stories about, well, mainly
Missouri prisons. and they want to do a lot of
rehab on it. There's been a lot of complaints,
but that's every state, every prison. Prisoners
are going to complain, I get that, but some of
these are, you know, no air conditioning. So,
you know, these guys are actually setting the
sweat boxes. Yeah, I get that. I get it. Yeah,
they're prisoners. But they are human. No, I
agree. And I also go back to this too. I would
like to see what their sentence is because maybe
the really hottest part of the prison, the worst
offenders ought to go to. So, you know. Yeah.
But the typical prisoner that committed a couple
of crimes maybe, you know, maybe some theft or
something and is in there. Yeah. He doesn't necessarily
deserve that. Drug charge, whatever. Yeah, yeah,
stuff like that. Now, you know, the pedophiles
and the people like that, they can stay in there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can just sit in there
and burn up. They might as well get used to hell
where they're going. Right? Right. I got something
a little bit different here. I have a top ten
list of cities according to happiness. Health,
monetary. Anyhow, I was really surprised by this
list because you know who number one was, Rob?
Who? New York City. I find that hard to believe.
They're the happiest? That's what this says.
Oxford Economics Global Cities Index said this.
That right there made me not want to believe
this, but I'm going to go ahead and read it.
New York, Oxford, yeah, there could have been
a payoff. Yeah, yeah, allegedly. Just saying.
Yeah. Could have been, maybe. Yeah, we're just
speculating, that's all. Not saying, so. Number
two was London, which I have a hard time believing
also. Yeah. Yeah, I, like I said, I, me, myself,
I don't believe a word of this. But, I mean,
it could be. I could be wrong. I've been full
of shit before. I've never been to any of these
colleges, so I couldn't tell you. Number three,
Paris, France. Number four is San Jose, California.
Okay, I believe that. San Jose is home to Silicon
Valley. Yes. So I could see, and it's a beautiful
part of the country. So, yeah, I could see San
Jose being up there. Number five, Seattle, which
I don't believe for one second. You ever know
anybody from Seattle? You ever been to Seattle?
No, but I know enough about it. Okay. That's
not true, I'm certain. And I love Seattle. I
had a great time there and everything. It just
doesn't seem like that happy of a city. It's
dreary, it's cold, you know. Right. Okay, number
six is Melbourne, Australia. It is beautiful
there. Number seven is Sydney, Australia. And
there are a lot of wealthy people who live there.
That's true. Yeah. Number eight is Boston, which...
The Boston people... I've been up there quite
a few times for work, mainly, but up there a
couple other times, too, and it didn't seem to
me like they were that jovial. They were nicer
than I thought, but anyhow. Number nine is Tokyo,
Japan. I don't believe that. Don't believe that.
Okay, okay, I kind of do. Okay, go ahead. They
always, most of them walk around with a smile
on their face. Okay. Seriously. I mean, you watch
movies, you watch TV. A lot of them walk around
and they have a slight smile on their face. You
know, I guess so. I didn't think about it. I
have noticed that. I have noticed that. Yeah.
Okay. All right. I can believe that. Now that
you pointed that out. And number 10 is San Francisco.
And I don't believe that. Oh, no, I don't believe
that. That should be number one. Of happiest
people? Yeah. You think so, San Francisco? Yeah.
Okay, all right. That's one of the freest cities
in the country. Yeah, you can go shit in somebody's
yard all day long. A lot of good music. You can
be who you want to be, culture -wise. Yeah, I
can see where San Francisco would be number one,
honestly, on that list. Okay, well, it's number
10 on this one, but okay. All right, Rob. Okay,
do you want to keep going? Actually, I'm pretty
wore out. All right. I woke up early, and we
go back at it again tomorrow, so. Okay, all right.
Well, have a good night, brother. Everybody,
all you assholes, thank you for listening. The
numbers are great. Keep telling your friends.
Let's keep growing this thing. We're going to
take it to different platforms, and we're just
going to see how long we can keep this shit show
and how big we can get this shit show. So there
you go. And eventually we can afford a new Bluetooth.
Yes, obviously we need one. So there. We'll see
how this turns out, guys. Yes. Hey, girls. Well,
according to the levels on here, you sound louder
than me. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark
has explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless
mic. Have a good night, assholes. You're not
assholes. They'll be back invading your ear holes
soon.