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douchebags and a microphone. Swimming in toxic
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Tulipo, Mississippi, a structural steel company
built a small bridge to go over a pothole that
had been on the road for three years. A man is
still a man. Rob consumed small doses of radiation
for 30 years. Rob is immune to radiation. Watch
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parties and bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come
on and rent you a Rob today. That's right. Come
by and rent Rob for a day. A day. A day. Watch
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still break dance and moonwalk. Watch Rob Red.
Fart down a building. Fart down a building. Rob
Red assumes no responsibility whatsoever. He
is not a babysitter and he doesn't give one else
a shit about your children. Please remember to
corral every little bastard you have. Before
Rob gets there, and while we'll not put up with
any backtalk, he will promptly get them in the
place. Rob Rayad assumes no responsibility for
anything that could be stolen from his visit.
Rob Rayad has no responsibility whatsoever in
any help him of any situation. Read a Rob today.
Hey there, Corn Flakes. This is Reggie with Ty
with your music news. Whitesnake was forced to
cancel European tour in 2024 due to David Coperdale's
reoccurring respiratory infection. The founder
and frontman is better, and the Snakes are set
to perform in Norway at their biggest rock festival
this year. We will keep you posted on any other
dates added to 2025 season. Don't forget, buy
one, get one free. Geritol when your ticket's
done. This is Reggie Riptide reporting for the
Douchebags. Go on, get the hell out of here.
Don't you have something to do? Jeez, lazy fucks.
So you want proof that we love you here at QD
Spades and Microphone Central? Here's a proof
right here about the drink of the week. Hey there,
you little snack cakes. This is Norwegian's Best
Drinks. Norwegian Cruise Lime has long been known
as one of the best drink makers on the high seas,
if not the best. In this drink, it's no different.
It's one of the most popular, and it's really
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and shake. And don't be bashful. Shake like nuts.
And then print in a glass with crushed ice and
enjoy. Next up, things overheard in hell. Well,
that new Hanson CD is just a laptop. Uh -huh.
Two douchebags and microphone. I'm Mark here
in Kansas City. And I'm Mark, or I am Rob at
the beautiful 9 -1 -1. Don't let him fool you.
We have a little technical difficulties. Yeah,
and if this one is cut short, it's not our fault.
No, it's Bluetooth. Yeah, that little piece of
shit's about ready to get kicked across the road.
Uh, okay. Anyhow. Uh, so how are you doing, Rob?
Oh, I'm doing great. I'm doing great. Good. Good
to hear. Yeah, life's good. I have a family union
coming up this Saturday over at Palm Couture.
Oh, good. Uh, Sam's going with me, and my son's
going with me, and my daughter's trying to get
off work to go with me, so. Okay. Well, this
is the first year without mom. I'm even taking
Blackie, my mom's. 23 pounds. And now he's smaller.
He's losing weight now. Oh, yeah? Yeah, well,
I'm walking. Oh, okay. Yeah, you know what? Yeah,
that probably makes a hell of a difference right
there. Yeah, he's doing a lot better. Okay, good.
Good. So, the other night I went to Outlaw Cigar
and Brewery in North Kansas City. That place
was a bomb, Rob. I cannot believe how cool it
was. It was huge. It was a full bar. It had leather
recliners all over and huge TV screens everywhere.
A large humidor. A great selection of craft brews
that they brew right there. Bar made so you can
just sit there, smoke, and drink and not move.
I love the place. I just thought I'd give a shout
out to them and let locals know how cool that
place is. I had a Christoph Triple Ligero with
a South African Cameroon wrapper. And then I
had an amber ale brewed right there, a recliner,
a Royals game, and it was nice. But the Royals
game turned out not to be so good. They committed
like, I don't know, five errors in the fucking
bottom of the eighth and ended up losing. But
you know what? We didn't care because we were
having a drink. and a friend of ours was moving
off to St. Louis that we worked with, and we're
kind of seeing him off, and all went and had
a cigar and a beer. But that place is amazing.
So if you're around Kansas City, check that out.
It's the one in North Kansas City. All of them
are cool. This one is not a BYOB like the other
ones are, or at least the one in Johnson County,
the one on 135th and Metcalfe is bring your own
bottle, and then, you know, they supply this
tobacco. But anyhow, that place is cooler than
hell. It's not BYOB, but it's a damn good place
to have a cigar and a drink. And it looks to
me like watch a game because we're already making
plans to go watch a couple of Chiefs games there.
So anyhow, I just thought I'd mention it. I didn't
get a chance to mention it the other night. So
anyhow, Rob, there is a... Residents will gather
Saturday in a scenic Minneapolis neighborhood
for an annual ritual. The sharpening of a gigantic
number two pencil. I'm not kidding you. Dude.
What? I think I did that story here a while back.
So they actually did sharpen it. Yes, yes, they
did. Yeah, I did that story here a while back.
There's a town where their town emblem is a number
two pencil. Yeah, I just found the story. Where
they just sharpened it the other day. So they
had, yeah, it's a festival they have every year.
Yes. And they sharpened this pencil. Uh -huh.
It's a 20 -foot tall pencil that was sculpted
out of a mammoth oak tree. Yeah. The home of
John and Amy Higgins. The beloved tree was damaged
in a storm a few years ago when fierce winds
twisted the crown off. Neighbors mourned. A couple
even wept. But you know what? I mean, whoever
wept. Um, you know, they, they should have just
went home, you know? So anyhow, um, so they,
um, they sharpen it and they had a good time
and, um, they did this though, Rob, because they
sharpened it on Prince's, what would have been
his 67th birthday. If he could have handled his
drugs a little bit better, he would have been
67 that day. So they handed out purple pencils
in, uh, in a salute to prince so i thought i
thought that's cool um and uh then um over uh
across well let's see where was it at shit it
doesn't say here um some dipshit called the cops
on walmart after he accidentally overcharged
himself for a thousand dollars at a self -checkout
he was trying to ring up nine avocados but instead
he hit 999 avocados I'm not even sure the cops
responded. I could see where that would happen,
man. I do, too, because... I mean, come on. It
goes back to the self -checkout stuff. You let
people do your own thing, you're going to fuck
up. Serve somebody that's paid to do this. Yeah,
I agree. Yeah. And also, I mean, the... The cops
probably didn't even respond. You know, I don't
even know why he couldn't have looked at the
screen. I mean, why do you call the cops? You
know, you see a thousand dollars, right? You
don't put your card in, right? You go, hey, wait
a minute, wait a minute. I'm not paying a thousand
dollars for these avocados. So I don't understand
what the idiot did. You know what I mean? He
called the cops. Did he pay it? Yeah, I would
have called someone over there immediately and
said, hey. Yeah, come here. How many avocados
here? You count. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean,
999 avocados. He must have hit a wrong button.
But what I'm saying is, is when you're looking
at the screen, right? Don't you go, hmm, a thousand
bucks. I'm not going to put my card in. It sounds
to me like this dummy put his card in. And then
he called the cops on Walmart for overcharging
him. You see what I'm saying? Wouldn't you look
and go, ah, a thousand bucks? That's kind of
suspicious. Yeah. See what I mean? Oh, well.
But still, I can see where the average everyday
Joe, somebody like us, getting off of work, rushing
to Walmart, grabs some avocados, hit a wrong
fucking button because... They're too damn cheap
to hire employees. Yeah. You know, I'm sorry.
I am totally against the self -checkout. Oh,
so am I. I hate them. I hate them. But sometimes
we have to do it, and I hate it. Oh, I do, too.
Because to me, it looks to me like Walmart...
That's why we pay these store prices to pay these
employees. Yeah. Not to put money in the... You
see, to me, it looks like they force you to go
through self -checkout, okay? You go and you
need some sugar and lemon, okay? So you run down
to Walmart. You get a sugar and some lemon, all
right? And you're on your way out. They only
have one checker there. So that line is naturally
backed up to hell. I mean, just all the way back.
So you're going to go to the self -checkout.
It's like they force you to do it by not having
enough help, right? No, I would most of the times,
but I'm not going to wait for an hour just to
prove a point. I'm going to go, oh, fuck. I'm
going to go through the self -checkout. Especially
when you're on your way home from work, tired,
hot, wore out. Yeah, and you don't feel like
waiting in line. So, to me, it... It's a glorified
way or not even glorified. It's a sneaky way
of making you go through self -checkout to me.
That's what I think it is. It's like, sure, we
have some, we have regular checkout lines, but
there's only one of them. And it's packed all
the way back to the corner. Well, you can go
through it if you want. Well, I don't have an
hour to spend here. So what are you going to
do? You have to go through self -checkout. So
anyhow, so today I was, I'm blasting off the
back of the deck because I've got to restain
it, right? So, the power washer I have, it's
a really nice one. And it's 3200 PSI, which is
pretty powerful, right? Gasoline powered. Nice.
Yeah. It's a Husqvarna. So, the damn thing. Nice
motor. Nice motor. Yeah, yeah. It should be working
good. It's only two years old. I take it and
I start using it and it fouls out on me. So I'm
like, all right. I take a look at it. I'm like,
okay. Spark plug looks, yeah, looks questionable.
So I change the plug out and then I start it
up. It starts up fine. It's running great. And
then I move it to another part of the deck and
it stops and it won't start again. So I take
all the gas out of it from last year. Okay. I
put in fresh gas, new gas. and it started again
for about a minute, and then right in the middle
of spraying off the deck, it stops. So I couldn't
figure it out. They don't have a gas filter on
them. They just have a carburetor that you can
clean out. So I got in there. I cleaned out the
carburetor, looked at the air filter. Everything
looks fine. So I'm like, damn it. So what do
you think? Oil? You think it's the oil that's
running low in it? Would it shut itself off and
not start if that's the case? Yeah. Okay, well,
I'll take a look. I mean, it's a little late
now because what I... No, no, I used a couple
power washers where if the oil was running low,
it would shut off. That's good to know. I'll
check that because... Because on power washers,
you go through oil. You do. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's
why they supply you with a quart of oil, yeah.
Yeah. Okay, and you also go through gas, too.
Check the oil, I'm just saying. Okay, no, I will,
I'll do that, because I was going to buy, I was
going to send it in, because I wasn't sure, you
know, I didn't have time to dick with it. I looked
it over, and like you said, I covered the two
bases that I knew of, and those are all done.
Well, what I'm saying is check the oil. I will.
Before you go any further. Okay, I will, because
I didn't. Okay, I'll let you know next podcast
whether that worked or not, or I'll send you
a text. Only because I know power washers. Okay,
well, I wish I wouldn't have known him that good
because here's what happened, all right? So I'm
like, all right, well, I'm going to have to send
this in because I'm not getting rid of this thing.
It's too good of, you know, power washers, right?
This is a nice one. So I'm like, okay, I'm going
to have to take it into a small engine shop and
have them look at it, all right? So I'm like,
all right, well, that's going to take too long.
Because I want to get this deck done because
I have too much other stuff I have to do after
that besides getting a pool going and all that.
So I take it, I put it to the side, and I'm like,
you know what? I'll go to Facebook Marketplace,
and I'll look for a cheap used one, and I'll
use that in the interim until this gets fixed.
So I'm getting on there, and I find this brand
new in the box. I didn't even know Ryobi made
these. 4 ,000 PSI gas. pressure washer for 200
it's normally 650 yes so i bought it and this
thing works like a dream and i'm like wow and
i couldn't believe it for 200 bucks i got a hell
of a deal i mean i don't think it's ripped off
the guy said that he bought it And I've done
this before. You just didn't have time to do
what you planned on doing, so you had somebody
do it. And he's like, you know, it's been sitting
in the box the whole time. He goes, you know,
I just want to get rid of it, 200 bucks. I'm
like, all right. So he lives in Olathe. I live
near Martin City, right? So he goes, you want
to meet halfway? I'm like, okay, sure, that sounds
fair. So I go to him. I go 135th and Metcalf.
And he replies back, this is just online, not
talking over the phone or seeing each other in
person. And he goes, that's a bit far. I'm like,
huh? It's about 10 minutes from him and 10 minutes
from me. Yeah. So I'm like, okay. I go, well,
you tell me where you want me to meet you at.
I'll drive to your fucking house. I was going
to. I was going to. I would say. I was going
to. I said, where's your house at? I'll come
there. And he goes, he responded back, no, no,
no, that wouldn't be fair. I'll meet you halfway.
And he goes, oh, no, no, no, no. Here's what
happened. I got it. It's a great washer, but
here's what happened. He goes, hey, how about
Redbridge? That's a mile away from me. And I'm
like, okay, yeah. He goes, you think that's about
halfway? Yeah, on the other side. And I'm like,
oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even think about
that. That's halfway. No problem. I can meet
you there. I don't know if Google was like, he
put it in wrong. Okay, just to clarify to those
that don't know, where Markle is, Redbridge is
on the east? Yes, north and east. Which is a
mile away from me. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm
sitting there looking at this, you know, the
Facebook marketplace texting. I'm like, is this
guy fucking with me? Or is he for real? And he
goes, all right. He goes, it'll take me about
15 minutes to get there. I'll see you there.
I'm like, what? Okay. So I get there, and I'm
like going, I hope he wasn't screwing with me.
He wasn't. He shows up and goes, hey, thanks
for meeting me halfway. Yeah, sure, sure. It
was the only fair thing to do. I still don't
know. He must have put it in wrong. He must have
put in like, I don't know, maybe 179th, not 159th,
or 135th. Oh. You know what? You know what, Rob?
That could be what it is. I don't know. But I'm
just like flabbergasted. I'm like, sure. I'll
meet you. Yeah, that sounds halfway. Yeah, you're
right. I'll meet you there. I need to do mine.
I'll need to do mine. Mine still reads Cleveland,
Missouri, and I have not lived there in a long
time. Mine reads right here in the bunker. Oh,
is yours on the bunker? It actually is up to
date? Yeah, it's wherever I am. Okay. My address
ain't on that shit. Okay. My address isn't on
it either, but I did find my phone number on
there, and I was like, what the hell? I don't
know what I was thinking of, but I took it off.
Yeah, to me, a phone number on Facebook sounds
like a bad idea. Yeah, yeah, yep. So anyhow,
I get this really nice pressure washer and I
only had to drive a mile for it. And him and
his friend loaded it up in my Jeep for me. I
was like, I was going home going, that was pretty
fucking tough. That worked out really well. So
anyhow, it worked well. So now I got the back
deck almost all the way sprayed off and all the
gunk off of it and all the tarnish and all that
stuff. Because, you know. You know as well as
I do because you've done home improvement before
and handyman stuff. Well, hey, now that you've
got a pressure washer, I need to borrow one.
Okay. I should have two of them up and going
here before too much longer. Two really good
ones. So, yeah. Anyhow. My landlord does his
shit. Oh, okay. So, shit. Oh, anyhow, I got that
done, so now I got to do is figure out how come
the swimming pool is not vacuuming. You know,
we got an underground, right? And you know what
I'm talking about, because you used to do swimming
pools. I didn't come up and look at that for
you. Okay. I think maybe there's some debris
in there, possibly. I cannot this weekend. Okay.
All right, well. I have a family reunion over
at Palm Beach. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's
cool. All right, and Shannon's going with you.
Shannon and my son. Okay, good. Good. And if
Rat can get off work, she's going too. Okay.
That's cool. Good. That sounds like a good time.
I doubt Joe Bill will get off work. Oh. And I'm
taking Blackie, my mom's dog. Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, that's going to suck. It's going to be
the first one without your mom. Yes, exactly.
Well, not just my mom. We lost my cousin's wife.
Oh, yeah, I remember you telling me that. Yeah,
yeah, back around Christmas. Right, yeah, back
around Christmas. It was just like a couple weeks
before my mom. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, me and him,
they get close. We've been talking a lot. I've
made a couple trips over there to see him. That's
cool. Yeah. Good. Well, he was a drummer, man.
Oh, really? You would love my cousin, Jim. He
was a drummer. Cool. And he's, what, 62, 63,
64, somewhere in there now. Uh -huh. And he played
the drums at his wife's celebration of life.
Oh. And dedicated some songs. I helped him set
up his drum set and all that kind of shit. And
we spent the night. We thought we'd sit around
and get fucked up, partying like we used to.
But no, dude. We were a couple old men. Sat around.
He turned on some music on the TV and me and
him sat. And he said, man. And he admitted during
his wife's thing that that was the last time
he was going to play live. Okay. You know what
I mean? Yeah. And I didn't get it until that
night when we were sitting around, me and him.
He said, dude, I'm too old. My damn elbows. He
works for. He works for a steel company, too.
I mean, they make shit out of steel, too. Ooh,
yeah. And he's older than I am. I'm like, dude,
I get it. I get it. You know? Yeah. The fucking
bodies are wearing out. We can't do the shit
we did years ago. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Because I was
wanting not to give up playing it, but I understand
once he talked to me. You know? I get it. Yeah.
Actually, I have a hard time playing guitar,
too. Yeah. That's okay. We're getting older.
Oh, I know. Arthritis. Arthritis in my hands.
I can't do the same chords like I used to. I
was thinking, did I diminish that much? No, what
it is is it's my hand condition because I've
worked with my hands so long, you know. And I
know you know it, too, because you worked with
your hands your whole life. Yes. Yeah, it's taking
its toll on you. My elbows and my shoulders are
giving out what it is. Oh, God. Yeah, lifting
everything you do? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that sucks.
So, I had another little thing going on. Evidently,
Biggun's parents. Oh, go ahead. What? Yeah. Oh,
Biggun. Go ahead. Yeah. Biggun the ball biter.
You know, he passed away, like I, you know, announced.
I guess his parents are a little bit pissed at
me because I told everybody about him. Oh my
God, seriously? Who told you that? A friend of
mine said that they're not real happy with me.
And I told him, I said, you can cut... So they
listen to the show? I don't know if they do or
not. I don't know if someone told them or they
listen or whatever. Somebody told them, yeah.
I'm pretty sure somebody told them. So, but I
don't care. I told him, you know, I told him
to tell them. I said, I told only the truth of
what happened. And I was sad when I heard the
news. It was out of fun. Yeah, I told him I said
I was sad when I heard the news. And I wasn't
doing anything derogatory. I was just telling,
you know, well, I did call him a psychopath and
an idiot and a big piece of shit. You know what?
You know what? That's nostalgia. That's nostalgia,
you're right. Too many times, it's nostalgia
from back in the day. Yeah. We all get there.
I told the mutual friend, anyhow, his name's
Jerry. I don't think he'd care if I told his
first name. But anyhow, Jerry's going to relay
to them, if they want to come on this podcast
and tell us their beef, we can hash it out. So
we'll see. It's going to be with you. I'm going
to be sitting back laughing. Well, I mean, I
got some questions. This is your story. Well,
yeah. Well, I also... Come on, man. I heard he
got viral meningitis, and then I heard he had
a heart attack. Or did he get viral meningitis
in the heart, maybe, and it gave him a heart
attack? I don't know. I would like to ask them,
you know, not to bring up something, you know,
tragic, but... Do that off the air. Yeah, yeah,
I'm not going to ask them on this, so... Yeah,
yeah. So, anyhow, I'm not sure exactly what happened
to them, but... We want to have an explanation
why you bit people's nuts. Yes. Well, that's
because his helmet popped off. If not, he would
have got you with his fingernails, which he ground
down to a fine point. Well, maybe they could
explain why he ground them down. Yeah, maybe
so. Maybe so. Maybe they can explain something
that we don't know, like closed head injury,
you know, I don't know, cord maybe, you know.
Not making fun of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not
making fun of him. Just speculating. Look, we're
all fans of Big and the Ball Biter. He is one
of the most popular people and he hasn't ever
even been on the show. And now he won't be. I
never knew it. I never made a day in my life
that I'm a big fan of his. See? See? That's what
this show did. It brought people to Biggin. I
went to school in Belton. We had our secrets,
too, man. Yes, yes. We did shit during games.
So you bit little Jimmy's balls. Yeah, big deal.
It was high school football. He's okay now. I'm
sure he is. And it was in the 80s. It was a different
time. Yeah, you could bite people's balls then
and not go to prison. That's right, man. So you
see Biggin, we're under. game between Belton
and Ruskin. At Belton, it was an all -out brawl,
dude. Oh, yeah. Ruskin was Art's enemy. Everybody
thought Ray Pack was. No. When it comes to football,
yeah, the fans got in fistfights. Oh, yeah. No,
no, no. Drexel Blackhawks were our big arch enemy.
We were both 1A. And they hated us because we
were the big swinging Ds around that in the Western
Conference. We always won it. And we went to
state, won state several times. We had a really
good football team at Cass Midway. And they always
hated us. We sucked. And we hate Greg Williams.
And he still sucks. Isn't he banned from the
NFL because of that fucking hit gate or what?
Bounty gate? No, no. No, after that, he came
back. He's been like Buffalo head coach since
then. He's done different shit since then, man.
I didn't even realize that. He's out now. He's
out. He's out now. He's out. I have not rent
a truck. Anybody that knows, anybody that wants
to know. Greg Williams was our head coach at
Belton High School. And I didn't play football,
but I took physical fitness, which was a PE class.
You either had co -ed, phys -ed, or you took
physical fitness, the weightlifting with the
chalks and all that. Rob holds the record at
Belton High. Rob holds the records for the Monkey
Bars. Don't you? No, no, actually. I don't hold
a record, but I was up there on the pegboard.
Oh, okay. All right, good enough. And leg lift,
leg lift for my size. In 10th and 11th grade,
on the leg sled, I was lifting over 700 pounds.
Wow, okay. I was just joking around. My tiny
hat. Back when you knew me. Wow. Now we know
why you live still. I remember what we used to
do. I've grown up a little bit bigger. We used
to get underneath the opposing bleachers and
use squirt guns and start squirting up and try
to get them. Oh, fuck yeah. That was funny. He'd
be like, I'm a wit! And we'd be running out the
back. Anyhow, you know what? I got a bunch of
other stuff, but, man, we're going on 28 minutes.
So, Rob, we're going to turn it to you. Okay,
well, I had one story, but I just read the headline.
I got the answer. All right. And this was a news
story on Newsbreak. It said if people stop...
having babies, how long would it be before humans
were all gone? What a good question. Okay, okay.
Well, yeah, it is a good question, but I answered
it without even reading the story. I still have
not opened the story. Okay. And I gave you the
answer. Okay. And now I'm going to move into
my next story. Okay. The answer is until the
last one dies. So, move on. I like that. Okay,
we're getting some feedback or something. Hang
on. I'm trying to. This Bluetooth is trying to
die on us. Like I said, the other one isn't working
for whatever reason. Okay. So, anyhow, go ahead.
I'm going to keep going. When it sounds different,
it clipped off, and then we're going to find
a different way. So, go ahead, Rob. Keep going.
may recall the knee -jerk reaction of religiously
placing a scrap of cardboard or plywood on a
garage floor or driveway before setting a car
battery down on it. Okay, this is kind of mudbusters
here, okay? Okay. Whether... Okay, you remember...
Yes. Okay. According to one anecdote, concrete
would cause the wooden battery cases to early
batteries to work. So early batteries were made
out of wood. Okay. Okay. So you start, you know,
you get cold. Humidity off concrete. Mm -hmm.
Mm -hmm. Oh, wow. Uh -huh. Uh -huh, yeah. Nowadays,
battery cases are universally constructed of
tough plastics like polypropylene or polycarbonate,
which don't have cracks or porosity that allow
for discharge with direct ground contact. Mythbusters.
We call that myth busted. There's no longer a
need to elevate batteries off the ground during
storage. Although other threats remain, they
can shorten the life of your stored battery.
Uh -huh. So in other words, just what they make
the casing off of these days, you can set it
on the concrete. Oh, wow. Okay. I mean, you...
You grew up like I did. One of the golden rules.
Yeah. Don't set your battery on the concrete.
You don't set it on the ground. You set it on
something else. Yeah, I know. Nobody does still
that I know of or anyone knows anything about
and still does. That's why I brought this story
up. Uh -huh. Because of the casing now, we don't
have to set the battery on the ground. Uh -huh.
What we have to do... worry about is, like, temperature
and cleanliness. Okay? Uh -huh. That's all we
gotta worry about. So, you can set your batteries
on the ground. Go ahead, guys. You know what?
That's good to know, because sometimes... Yeah.
What it was, it was the battery casing. I'll
be damned. Like, back in the Model A, Model T
days, the battery was a wood casing. Okay. Okay.
And on the ground, you add moisture. Okay. See
what I mean? Okay, very cool. That was a good
story to go into. No, that is because, like me,
I'm pretty sure a lot of people that are somewhat
mechanically minded didn't know that. Yeah, because
honestly, I take the battery out to this day.
I will not. No, me too. Me too. Okay. Then also
another thing is I bet you you can leave them
in the mower all year round now. Remember how
they said during cold you're supposed to take
them out during winter and set them somewhere
on a shelf? Oh, still do it? Okay. Alright. Okay.
Okay. All right. No, no, no. That's good to know.
That's why I asked. All right. Let's take our
first break. We've got emails, and then we have
our top seven comedy, right? Yes, I can't wait.
All righty. We will be right back. Oh, shit.
What's that over there? Oh, no. It's Island of
Horrible Jokes. I bought a jacket from the store.
I had to take it back. It kept shocking me. They
gave me another one, free of charge. Harambe
used to listen to our original show, Two Dipshits
and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show,
Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask why Harambe
never listens to our original show, Two Dipshits
and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead. senselessly
murdered because some idiot did not watch her
child properly while looking on her phone. Sadly,
Arambe does not listen to our original show,
Two Gibshits and the Cheap Radio Shedack Realistic
Dig Recorder, or any other show. Anymore. Sorry,
Arambe. Next time you take a dump, listen to
two douchebags and a microphone. It's been proven
in laboratory rats to relax your anal canal.
Get in cover. Next up, things overheard in hell.
Our constant pursuit for a real knee slapper.
It's strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
Major mashed potatoes. Be lumpy, runny, and not
flavorful. Yes, it's true. Mark is an old bastard.
It's also true that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen.
But Mark would like to tell you, if you see any
pictures of him roofing ibuprofen, it's obviously
fake, and you're to take the pictures and tear
them up immediately. Now, from his underground
bunker in Camden, Missouri, stocked full of dried
goods, canned food, and a couple of vibrating...
Batman would look ridiculous solving crime on
a sunny day. Strange, but true. In a remote area
of the Amazon rainforest, a small parasitic catfish
is reported to swim and kill the gyrithas of
those who are mating in the Amazon River. Also
called the vampire fish, it follows a urine stream,
lodges itself in the gyritha, expands its fins
to stay in place, and consumes tissue until hemorrhaging
kills the host. The reports date back to the
19th century. The first documented removal from
the human occurred in 1997. The apocalypse just
happened. You don't know what to do. You don't
know where to go. But we can tell you what you
can eat. Okay, it's post -apocalypse. and you're
walking down the barren wasteland that used to
be a city. You find an old can of beans lying
in the middle of the road, but you do not have
a can opener. What you do then is you find a
patch of concrete, you rub the top of the can
for five minutes, then you go to the middle of
the can and squeeze it, and it should pop right
open. And it is beautiful, and I can't wait to
make it down there. Oh, it is gorgeous. Oh, what
a beautiful area. Just so you know, I am seriously
getting ready to make a trip to Knob Lake. So
get ready for pictures of me at the Knob Lake
City Limit. It's an incorporated sign. Awesome.
Are you going to go to the Knob Lake Mountains?
Yeah, I know. Seriously, I'm going to make a
trip to Knob Lake. I want to, man. Cool. Hey,
they're our main city. I've got to go see them.
Let me ask you something a little bit different
here about Knoblick. I've had several complaints
about the new douchebag pledge in Knoblick. They
think it's kind of, I don't know, soft or boring
or something. You think I need to change it?
No, it's Knoblick. I wonder, I don't know what
people... I don't know. Let me get there. I'll
let you know. Okay. I didn't think there was
anything wrong with the pledge, but I don't know.
I've had a couple of people say... According
to the description, it sounds about right from
what we've read online. Okay. You know what?
So, yeah, let me get there. I'll let you know.
If that's the only thing I got to complain about
it, I'll take it. Right? The knob -lick pledge.
Well, my question is... How many of these people
complain or actually go naked to Knob Lake to
find out for themselves? None. That's my question.
None. I'm going. We know. We know this, Rob.
I'm going and I will approve. Okay. It will be
on Facebook. Cool. All right. Let's get the emails,
all right? Yeah. Yeah. All righty. Rob, what
do you say we get together and have a fishing
guide service here at the huge Freeman Lake Massey
Creek Arm? We could call it Cheetah and Mitch's
Carp and Fish Gittin'. Maybe we could even noodle
for fun. I'm sure you'll be open to this excellent
opportunity. See you soon, buddy. Mitch, co -founder
of Cheetah and Mitch's Carp and Catfish Company.
Oh, he is poking you in the chest again, buddy.
Dude, dude, I love it. I love it. It's just that
your name is going to be Jane. Jane? Cheetah
and Jane. I don't know, man. I'm starting to
get the vibes that you and him kind of have.
I love it. I love it. I actually want to meet
Ben. I love him. Me too. Dude, I thought I was
pushing it the other night. He's pushing right
back. I love it. You know what I love is I'm
certain he lives near Freeman. With all the stuff
he comes up with. He said W. I caught that. W
Highway. He lives off W. Oh, he did say that.
Okay, all right. Then he does live on there.
The W side. Oh, that's right. You know what?
You're right. He always says, like, the W Highway
Division of something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
So he lives to the south. South Freeman. W is
on south of Freeman. You're right. I'm thinking
we may know him. I'm wondering now. Or you do,
and he just loves me. I don't know. I may know
him, or you may know him, or we both may know
him. I don't know. Or he may just be an honest,
somebody that's picked us up. Could be. He's
listened to us forever. He's listened to our
shows. For a long time. I'm impressed that Biggin's
parents know about this. I'm like, how in the
world? I mean, I really did not expect anything
like that. So anyhow, and anyhow, Jerry wouldn't
lie about it. He's telling the truth. I mean,
I've known him all my life. He is telling the
truth. Megan's parents are upset. So anyhow.
All right. All right. So there you go, Mitch.
Yeah, Rob says you have to change your name to
Jane, so it's going to be Cheetah and Jane's
fishing getting. Yeah, if we're going to join
up in a fishing guide service together, we're
going to be Cheetah and Jane. There you go. There
you go, Mitch. Next one. Hey, guys, just wondering
what you were doing for the 4th of July. What
are your plans? We pretty much celebrated here
for two weeks before and a couple of days after.
I was wondering if you all go crazy like we do.
The actual holiday, we load up and go to Grand
Lake and watch the fireworks there. I'll get
back to you guys as soon as possible. Oklahoma.
Yep. But I'm going to get back to you guys as
soon as possible, but I'm going to be busy for
a while. I will still listen, though. Ronnie
in Tulsa, the Tulsa King. The Tulsa King, yes.
Okay, so. Ronnie, as soon as you're able to,
we always, always look forward to your emails.
And you are royalty. Do what you got to do. I
know you got a lot of stuff going on. It's fine.
We'll be here for you. So whenever you feel like
or have a moment to break us off an email, do
so. And I hope everything goes well. For me,
what I'm doing, I know of one thing I'm going
to do every year, me and my daughter. my son
get together for the Lynn Creek fireworks show,
so we will be going down there. Are you going
to shoot bottle rockets at the Tesla? Well, no,
no, no, no, no, no. They shoot it off. Actually,
they shoot it off from the mayor's house. Oh,
okay. Yeah. No, it's a good show, man. It really
is. That's cool. It's a pain in the ass. No.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's free, and you just line
up in the fields everywhere, and it's a huge
display. They do it every year. Anyhow, you don't
know about it, so I can't really remember that
much about it. I went a couple of times. It was
interesting because it was like four or five
fields full of cars out in the middle of nowhere.
So, anyhow. All right. Well, normally every year
over on the Terra Dam, they give off a good show,
too. Um, so does, uh, um, Kimberly city has a
really good one. Yeah. Yeah, they do. Yeah. They
have a really good one. I've been there a couple
of times. Yeah, that's right. And most municipalities,
um, um, around, um, any area. usually shoot off
at least some fireworks, have some type of display.
It depends on the city and how many discretionary
funds they have for it. But I know that, like,
the city of Raymoor shoots off a really good
one. Lee's Summit has a really big one. Overland
Park has a good one. Leawood has a good one.
I mean, virtually every municipality around Kansas
City area does. And then you can go to the south,
Cass County. You know, Crazy Joe's. Like two
or three days after the 4th of July, they have
a fireworks display just for their employees.
And you can go on Holmes Road, just north of
Cleveland, about two miles on Holmes Road or
D Highway, whatever it is in there. And the railroad
bridge, you can stop there and you can see the
display from there really well. And I found this
out by accident coming home one night, like July
8th or something. I'm like, where are all these
fireworks coming from? And then I saw it. They
you know, the the owner, he passed away, but
I think his wife still owns it. He had a bunch
of hayfields, right? So what he did was he started
like this. His name was Joe. And that's where
you get crazy, Joe. He would have all of his
employees go into that field of his and they
would have a huge fireworks display and have
a party in this like July 8th or 9th, something
like that. But you can watch it. From Holmes
Road. From the railroad bridge. Is the best place.
So if you're in that area. Check it out. It's
the Saturday after the 4th of July. So. Anyhow.
Let's see. Sorry douches. But the fuckhammer
shirt I had. Was pretty much shredded. I suspect
a rat or mouse was the culprit. I might have
a picture of it somewhere. Hopefully Johnny and
OP. Well. I hope he does, because other than
that, I don't have them. I don't have anything
like that. I looked through my magical closet
of memories. Nothing. I can't find it. You sent
me a picture of the flyer online. If I have to,
I'll take that to Walmart and get below that.
I don't care if Buck Hammer is going to be in
this. There you go. Wait, wait till I find, well,
Johnny's finding them. I don't have them. I think
I may have a flyer around here somewhere, but
Johnny has the more elaborate flyer we did later
on. After we realized it pissed the hell out
of people in Westport, after we realized it made
a matter in hell, we came up with better flyers
and stuck them everywhere. So anyhow, that's
the one you want to get on a shirt. So, all right,
next one. Mark, there is no such thing as Greek
spaghetti. You don't know your own food. Adriana
in Chicago. Okay, stop, stop, stop. Go ahead
and then I... You do not know Marshmallow. Yeah,
okay. I have ate... Yeah, I have ate that. Yes.
Well, I know what this Adriana is trying to say.
I'm just stopping it right there because I know
better. I've eaten your mom's good. I know. Aid,
you don't actually know. The food I'm talking
about was a regional thing. Northern Greece had
but only in certain areas because of the foods
they could get there. All the food over there
was dependent on what was close by. In one area,
you would get Greek spaghetti. In another area,
you would get greens. It depended on where you're
at, whether they could get fresh meat, what they
could get. So it's all regional over there. And,
you know, next time, do your research because
you kind of look uninformed here. And I know
what you're trying to say is you're trying to
say, like, there's no definition of Greek spaghetti.
Maybe not. Right, right. But they have it over
there. They have it over there, but they don't.
You go to Athens, you won't find it. You go to
Kavala, where my mom was raised at, well, you
know, until she moved here. They had it there.
But they had a better supply of food there than
they did somewhere else. So, anyhow. So, Adriana,
you're wrong. And you can look all day for it,
and you may not ever find it. But it does exist.
Doesn't it, Rob? Yes. Only because of Mama. Only
because of Mama. Mama did not invent this. They
invented it over there. It is Greek spaghetti.
You could taste their Mama as that was generations
handed down. Yes, and that's where I went back
to the pinch and the dash stuff. It is an actual
measurement over there. You know, the old cooks,
the old ladies. I mean, we can't get it because
we don't have that type of... control but they're
pinching it and a dab and all that is actually
something and they all do it and it's all the
same us we can't do it so anyhow you know what
that's enough that um mark you suck the gift
card deal was brutal actually i love it benny
uh okay well um I was going to do it again to
Brian, but then I thought about it, and it would
be awful suspicious if I just sent him one out
of nowhere. So I was like, he's not going to
fall for it again. So I gave up on it. All right.
And then finally, Rob, we need more Uncle Rob's
tips for life. Please. That shit is funny. Bonnie
in Beantown. Dude. Dude, I bet. I was listening
this morning to the last one. Oh, yeah. And you
played it. Dude, we never made up number three.
Well, that's what she said. We got to get to
it, dude. Rob, I'm getting to this. It goes,
by the way, add number three tip, please. We
can make more. We can make more. I got shit on
the brain. We will make. I got shit on the brain.
All right. You know what? We will make more Bonnie,
and also we will add number three because she
put, by the way, add number three tip, please.
And that's not the first. We got a few complaints
about it. All right. Yeah, well, you keep playing.
We've had complaints. That's why I keep playing
it, Rob. It pisses people off. All right, Rob,
we have a top set. I know what it is. I'm going
to record it. I can't remember. I have the master
script, if you will, or whatever here. So I know
what it is. And I still, for the life of me,
don't know how we missed that. You and I both
missed it. No, we recorded it. We recorded it.
It must have chopped out then. Wow. Weird. Yeah,
we recorded it. Okay. They know. I mean, I've
got a few others on that. That might be an oncoming
thing. I think it's a great segment, and I think
that Bonnie is right. We need to do more, so
we will. Like I said, yeah, I have a few things
that might do. I'm going to keep going with that.
I think there's a poltergeist. I think there's
a poltergeist. I think there's a poltergeist
in my computer, and it took it out just to be
mischievous. We have a ghost in the machine.
If anyone gets that reference, you're 100 years
old. All right, Rob. Top seven comedy. You got
it. Okay. Well, I've always been a Robin Hood
fan. Okay. Okay. From the original. Oh, that
is a good one. Yeah. Well, like you said, I'm
a Robin Hood fan. Rob from the rich, give to
the poor, you know? Sounds like a plan to me.
Bring it on. I need another power washer. Okay,
number six. I got to go with Mr. Leslie Nielsen.
We doubled on that one. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
None of the other ones. Number one was the fucking
best. Except... Except Vacation. what they did
in the first one. So they're not quite as funny
in my mind. There's only one comedy movie that
breaks that rule, and that is Christmas Vacation.
It was better than the original. Other than that,
all of them are right. You're right. That's it.
Or at least I know a lot of people think like
I do. Okay, with that being said, we're moving
on to my number five working hard year. Okay.
My favorite was Vacation number one, not Christmas.
Okay, that's fine. Christmas was close. Okay.
The only thing Christmas had going for it was
Randy Quaid dumping his septic system. That was
it. Oh, man, the lighting scene. On top of the
original. He kept trying to get the lights to
work. I don't know. The original was great. But
to me, there's some classic shit in the Christmas
Vacation. He kept trying to get the lights to
work and shit kept happening. And then the neighbors
were dicks. And, I mean, just everything around.
But number one was great, too. Oh, dude, if you
think about it, that's his whole trip to Wally
World. Yeah, you know, and that did have John
Candy on there. It's the same storyline. Yeah.
Okay. All right. That's cool. Okay. But this
time I'm going back further. I'm going to go
with Animal House. Oh, gosh. I didn't even remember
that one. I should have put it down, but okay,
cool. That was one of my dad's favorites. That
was great, man. That was when John Belushi was
balling. Yes. Before all that nasty heroin and
cocaine stuff. Mm -hmm. The jerk. I almost put
that one down. I did. Very cool. Well, okay.
What did he call his dog, Shithead, or something
like that? Yeah, Shithead. Shithead, yeah. Yeah,
yeah. I was born a poor black child. That was
great. And he's like doing the narration. I was
born a poor black child and all of them are like
looking at him. And he's like... Okay, I should
have said it before and I'm going to say it now.
Okay. We were born in the 60s. Yes. He was different
in the 70s and 80s. Well, it was funny because
he was dumped off as a kid. Yeah, he was dumped
off as a kid, and he was a really white guy.
He's fairly pale. And because he was adopted
by an African -American family, he thought he
was black. And he's like, in the narration, going,
oh, you just have to watch it. Anyhow, go ahead,
Rob. But you have to get out of today's mentality,
go back to the... It's just funny. It's funny
because the rest of them are like looking at
him like, who the fuck is this guy? And he's
like sitting there thinking he's one of them.
It's just classic humor. So anyhow. Which goes
along with my number two. It's kind of the same
way. Blazing Saddles. Now that one right there.
You're going to have to. Because we did not think
that way. It is not politically correct. And
if you get offended easy, don't get near it.
So, it was a very funny movie. And for my number
one, and I had some objection a while ago while
I mentioned this in the other room. I argued
with them. This is a movie. Murphy Raw. Oh, yeah.
It is on DVD. It is on VHS. It's on whatever
the fuck you want. It's a movie. You ain't got
no ice cream and your mama's on welfare. Go ahead.
Goody goo goo. Goody goo goo. That thing introduced
me to a whole new realm of comedy. I was just
like laughing. And the thing was, he made fun
of everybody, so no one could really get mad.
He was an equal opportunity offender. He did
not care. He went after you. He found the funny
stuff about every type of person there is out
there, and he exploited it, which makes a great
comedian. Yeah, Clay did, but he took it over
the top. Yeah, yeah. He didn't just pick on one
person. He picked on everybody. Yes, and so when
people went after him, he was like, hey, I picked
on myself. The funny thing is, did you know this?
He's not Italian. He's Jewish. Yeah, I know.
I know. Everybody thinks he's Jewish. Okay, all
right, we're going to go into mine. All right.
Number seven of mine is, this is a classic. It's
a holiday classic. Every Thanksgiving, you'll
see it somewhere on your 300 channels that you
have at home that you never watch. Planes, trains,
and automobiles. Automobiles, yes. Yep, that
would be John Candy and Steve Martin. Classic.
John Candy played the biggest schmuck around,
and Steve Martin played the biggest uptight asshole
around. And them two together did some pretty
strange shit that was funny as hell. They did
awesome. It was a great movie. I can watch. It's
one of those movies that I get suckered into.
I'm like, man, I got to go. I got to go fix the
bathroom or whatever. You know, I got to go.
I go go nail down that piece of plywood, you
know, something. Right. And then it's like, oh,
wait a minute. Oh, oh, OK. Just the scene of
them leaving. Then two hours later, I'm like.
Oh, man, that's a great movie again. So it's
one of those ones that you always watch. Number
six was Groundhog Day. Bill Murray. He plays
his snotty ass self so well. He's just an obnoxious
weatherman that hates his job and hates life.
And he keeps repeating. It's great. Number five,
Airplane. Leslie Nielsen, genius. That whole
movie. Airplane is just a classic. If you've
never seen it, watch it. It stands up. You can
watch it today and still laugh your ass off.
The dry comedy that Leslie Nielsen was so good
at is timeless. Number four. Another Bill Murray.
Stripes. Huh? Damn, now that you mention it,
I think of another Bill Murray I should have
had there. Stripes is awesome. There's so many
Bill Murrays I could have put in there, but Stripes,
to me, was one of the ones that introduced me
to raunchy comedy. I could have went with Fast
Times at Ridgemont High, but I did not. I love
that movie, but I just don't know why I don't.
It's still funny as hell, but I don't know why
I didn't. Yeah, that's one of my number one movies
ever, but I don't. Well, there was stuff in there
like, my brother's going to shit. He's going
to kill us. He's going to shit. He's going to
kill. Well, what's he going to do, man? Is he
going to shit or going to kill us? And then he
comes, going to kill us. And then Spicoli gets
out and he looks at the car all smashed up and
he goes, my dad's a TV repairman. He can fix
it. It's just fantastic. Number three, Christmas
Vacation. And who was the actor that card belonged
to? To the guy's brother that he was hanging
out with, the big football player. And who was
that? Oh, shit. Who played that person? I can't
think. I can tell you. Go ahead. Forrest Whitaker.
Yes. He's over there sweating and he's like killing
the other team because they put Jefferson all
over it. That was a, it was classic. So number,
number three, I have Christmas vacation. And
I mean, regular vacation. Number one could have
went in there too, just as easily. Both of them
are just classic. Number two. Yeah, it just depends.
Number two, Tommy Boy. Yeah. Chris Farley was
just so on his game at that point in life. Yes,
he was. Yeah, just everything he did was funny.
So, I mean, he'd probably take a shit and it
was funny. So, and then number one is someone
that was left off of yours. Then mine, too, and
that would be Dumb and Dumber. Dumb and Dumber.
Dumb and Dumber was a fantastic, funny movie.
I mean, what's his name? Ace Ventura, all that.
His name is right on the tip of my fucking tongue.
Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. If I
was going to go with a Jim Carrey movie, it would
be some other dumb and dumber. I thought dumb
and dumber was fucking great. There's a reason
why it's called dumb and dumber, because it's
fucking dumb. It is. It's dumb comedy. I love
it. Okay, that's fine. I love it. There was parts
of it I didn't even like because it was so dumb.
Okay. That's fine. But then he went on to other
movies like that that I appreciated. Oh, shit.
He had a ton of movies. Yeah. Cable Guy. Yep.
I mean, The Mask, Cable Guy. Liar, Liar, Liar
almost made my list. The Cable Guy was dark.
Oh, my God, it was dark. But it was funny, too.
All right, that's... Liar, liar, almost made
my list. Liar, liar is another good one. All
right. Jim Carrey, yeah. All righty, let's take
our second break. We're running way behind, and
we'll be right back. Oh, fuck yeah, we are. All
right. All right, we'll be right back. Hey, my
little pumpkin seeds, this is Johnny Rohypnol
with your music news. Sad news in the music industry.
Sylvester Stewart, or better known as Sly Stone,
has passed away at the age of 82. Sly was a pioneer
in the funk rock scene. Sly and the family Stone
upset the Las Vegas status quo when they were
pooped into a three -month, six -night -a -week
gig at the Pussycatagogo, an engagement that
was attended from everyone from James Brown to
Bobby Darin. The group would use their Mondays
off to fly to Los Angeles to record their debut
album, A Whole New Thing. It would include their
first hit single, Dance to the Music, which would
also become a single on their sophomore album.
While the band enjoyed early success, Stone eventually
fell on hard financial times, would later be
plagued by health issues and even homelessness.
Praised as a musical genius, he also became known
for being reclusive. Before he vanished, Stone
was a potent creative in the late 1960s and early
1970s. A singer, songwriter, bandleader, and
producer, his group's other hits include Hot
Fun in the Summertime, Thank You, and Family
Affair. You'll be missed, Mr. Stone. This is
Johnny Rohypnol. That was your music news, and
remember, bar chords are bullshit. And now, Deep
Thoughts with Mark. Man, I sure wish I was the
garbage man. You know what I could do if I was
the garbage man? I could go to the wrong parts
of town on the wrong days periodically in the
morning and then watch everybody run out of their
house in their underwear with two bags of trash
screaming, Stop! Halt! Yeah, that's what I'd
love to do. Your mama's so old. She knew Burger
King when he was still a prince. Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news
nobody gives a shit about. Every Model T that
was ever manufactured was in the color black.
Two douchebags, a microphone, and an effort to
keep everything fresh. We offer you first world
problems. Damn it. The city services website
is down again. I can't believe this. I'm going
to have to actually call and talk to someone
to pay my damn trash bill. This is ridiculous.
Have you ever wondered where something came from?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so
have we. That's why we give you the origin of...
What is the origin of Mountain Dew? Tennessee
bottlers Barney and Ally Hartman developed Mountain
Dew as a mixer in the 1940s. Soft drinks were
sold regionally in the 1930s, and the Hartmans
had difficulty in Knoxville obtaining their preferred
soda to mix with liquor, preferably whiskey,
so the two developed their own now known as Mountain
Dew. Harambe used to listen to our original show,
Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen to our
original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask
why Harambe never listens to our original show,
Too Gypsious, in a cheap Radio Shack realistic
tape recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is
dead. Senselessly murdered because some idiot
did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Too Gypsious, in the cheap
Radio Shack realistic tape recorder, or any other
show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Hello, this is
Satan. You might know me from my pet name, Inflation.
I'm here to tell you that there's no better way
to relax than listen to two douchebags in a microphone
by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and
I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy. Now it's time for Pickup Lines from a
Loser. If I had a nickel for every time I saw
someone as beautiful as you, I would have a whole
five cents. Two douchebags and a microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City chapter. And
I am Rob in the beautiful Nile Arm of Lake of
the Ozarks. All right. Rob, you have something
you want to go into. Yeah, I do. All right. If
you've ever noticed photographs from the 19th
and 20th century, you've likely noticed how serious
everyone looked. I have. There's a hint of a
smile at all, or oh so slight, but more often
than not, our ancestors looked like they were
sitting for a sepia -toned mugshot or being held
for ransom or something. That's true. They did.
Yeah. Why didn't people smile in photographs?
Was life just so hard back then that nobody smiled?
Were sour expressions just the norm? I think
I know why, but go ahead. Yeah, well, I do. Okay.
Most often people's serious faces in old photographs
are blamed for the long exposure of early cameras.
And that's true. Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Uh -huh. It's
surprising how difficult very quickly becomes
unnatural. That's what it was. Okay. To take
a picture, it took so long that the people lost
their expression. I never even thought that.
That is so cool, though. Wow. because I thought
it was because they didn't have dentistry very
well back then. I thought that people didn't
smile because their teeth were bad. Well, no.
I just broke it down real quick. No, I... It's
run short on time. What it went into was people
originally, you know, people thought it was because
it was just a rough time in life, you know. Well,
they did all look rugged, and I mean... Nobody
smiled back then. Yeah. Well, the thing is, people
did smile back then. It just took many a minutes
to take a picture. I never... Wow. I mean, hey,
you remember back in the 80s, or whatever, even
today, you'd take your family for photo photographs.
Mm -hmm. How many people act up during them?
How many people get grumpy? Oh, yeah. You said
in a few minutes? Very much so. Very much so.
And them cameras, they're like, what? I'm thinking
like at least 10 minutes to take a picture. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah. So, yeah, you get
fidgety. I get it. I get it, too. Okay. You know
what? If I had to wait that long, I probably
wouldn't be smiling either. I'd probably be mad
going, what the hell? Come on, guys. I got a
little story here. Somebody bring me a cigarette.
I'd start fidgeting with my nuts just to make
everyone uncomfortable. Just kind of like moving
around. I always kick your ass. And making noises.
People like looking at you going, is that okay?
Everything's all right, man. Why? Why you ask?
I don't know. Just forget it. Then you start
fidgeting with them again, going, oh, damn. Oh,
this is never going to end. Then people look
at you again. Is something wrong? Oh, no. Everything's
fine. Why? Just keep doing that. All right. Costa
Rica prison guards catch drug smuggling per per
trader in Costa Rica. In Costa Rica, they intercepted
unusual prison drug delivery. catching a cat
as it jumped over a periphery fence at night
with marijuana and crack taped to its body. The
black and white feline carrying over 230 grams
of marijuana and 67 grams of crack cocaine in
two packages was captured this month in a prison
in the Canton of Piccoli, the Justice Ministry
said in a statement Tuesday. He shared a video
of the guard climbing a perimeter fence to catch
the cat burglar. He wasn't a burglar. Why'd they
say cat burglar? Well, I know he was. He was
a cat. Okay. No, he wasn't a burglar. No, he
was delivery. He wasn't a burglar. He was delivery.
These idiots that write these stories out, I
swear. You know what? I was getting in the habit
of just like erasing all their shit and writing
my own story after reading it. I think I need
to go back to that. Okay. Yes. Yeah. There we
go. He is a cat Instacart. Thank you, Rob. You
know what? The rest of it, fuck it. Everyone
knows what happened. They caught the cat. Somebody
put cocaine and crack cocaine and marijuana on
him and had him jump the fence. And they caught
on, caught the cat. I hope they didn't hurt it.
It didn't say anything about that. So, anyhow.
I don't know. You know, that cat was like going...
That cat was sitting there going, what the fuck
is this? Oh, this bastard. I'm a cat. I can't
stop him. This is bullshit. All right, Rob, you
got something? Oh, there's a lot more to it.
But, you know, as long as they're saying stupid
shit like that right off the bat, there's no
reason to go into any more of it, okay? Cat had
drugs taped to him. They caught him. I do that,
yeah. Yeah, so there you go. It's not the cat's
fault. Nope, nope, not at all. At least they
didn't put it in. Yeah, I know that. That's all
I had for my brother. Okay, you know what? At
least they didn't put it in the cat's asshole.
That would have sucked. At least they didn't
make him mule it. Oh, that was not good. I mean,
I don't think they made him mule it. It sounds
to me like they just taped it to him. Oh, no,
no. that they know. Well, you know what? I guess
they couldn't have had him mulled it because
they don't know whenever he's going to take a
shit. I mean, you know, and then all the cocaine
and stuff comes out. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right.
Okay. Everybody, that's it. Rob's had enough
and I don't give a shit. So, anyhow, have a great
night. Yeah, I'm working an hour and a half extra
a day. So, yeah, I'm a little tired. Plus, your
loincloth business on the side that you're doing,
making loincloths, signing them. That takes a
lot of your time, too. Yeah, and now Mitch has
me making fucking fishing lures. Stick to loincloths.
Plus Jeffy X. Plus Shannon. My hands are busy.
My hands are busy. How many Sgt. Pepper's outfits
have you made for Jeffy X so far? I'm up to four.
Oh, good. Jeffy X, you just got three more to
go. I had three left. And remember, Jeffy X,
change them this time. You have one for each
day of the week. You're going to have one for
each day of the week. One can be cleaned. I'm
going to have to spend a little more time with
her. All right. Okay. All right, brother. I will
have them done by Christmas, I promise. There
you go, Jeffy X. You know what? He's probably
getting tortured somewhere by Kellogg's or something.
Allegedly. All right. Everybody, thank you for
listening. Have a good night, assholes. Good
night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll
be back invading your ear holes soon.