WEBVTT

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Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the

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Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or

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Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's

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phones, unattended computers, public computers,

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and all of my work computers as well, and download

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the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,

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hereby promise to make other people listen. I,

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Joe or Jane Listener. will hereby lie to everyone

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about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane

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Listener, promise to make all my family members

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listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.

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And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby

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promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,

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just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.

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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't

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stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead

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and assume we got the story wrong. At least we

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admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can

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and will lie if it makes the story better. Two

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douchebags and a microphone. We talk. You watch

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the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?

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We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand

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and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the

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post -apocalypse. Remember, post -apocalypse

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to have a sewage bit. Sewage untreated can result

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in serious illness and other obstacles for your

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family to live well. You also should have some

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chemicals stocked up. Maybe bags of chlorine

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or something of such to sanitize the sewage for

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a week. Our constant pursuit for a real knee

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slapper. It's strange insults from an alien.

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Real hilarity. Every time you're sitting in a

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stall at a public bathroom, may the guy that

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comes up next to you in the stall have explosive

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diarrhea. These guys are inviting as a used hypodermic

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needle Q -Douchebags and Microphone, in an effort

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to keep everything fresh, we offer you first

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world problems. My 76 -inch smart HDMI, triphonic,

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stereo TV. My remote won't work unless I'm right

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in front of it. I can't believe it. This is bullshit.

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So you want proof that we love you here at Q

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-Douchebags and Microphone Central? Here's a

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proof right here. How about the drink of the

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week? Hey, my party pilgrims. How about Norwegian's

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famous pineapple coconut mojito? One and a quarter

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ounce Bacardi coconut rum. One ounce pineapple

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puree. Three pieces of lime wedges. Six pieces

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of mint leaves. And one half ounce of simple

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syrup. You garnish ginger candy on a pick, orange

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wilt, and a mint sprig. Take a 12 ounce glass.

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Shake all ingredients together. and strain over

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fresh ice and top with soda. How about a splash

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of 7 -Up Sprite or Ginger Ale just for a little

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extra pizzazz. Two douchebags and microphone.

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I'm Mark here in the Kansas City vicinity. I

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was sitting there looking at your Facebook a

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couple minutes ago, and I couldn't help but notice

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a new piece of art you have on your arm. You

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care to explain anything? Yes, I will. I got

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suckered into going to a tattoo shop Friday after

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work. Uh -huh. So while I was there, I had a

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microphone tattooed on my forearm. And yes, it

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is on our Facebook page for everybody to see.

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Okay, I didn't know it was also on the Facebook

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page. Yes, I got a microphone on my forum tattooed.

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Very fucking cool, dude. Nice. Nice. I'm playing

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with the microphone right now because I'm trying

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to get the best levels. Will you say something,

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Rob, right now? Yes, I'm here. Okay, we seem

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to both be kind of level now. Okay. Sorry, I

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was having to... I want... Okay, go ahead. No,

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go ahead. Go ahead, Rob. I just want to give

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a shout -out to everybody at Sailor's Tattoo

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and Osafe Beach. These people are great. They're

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friendly. They get right with you, and they do

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awesome work. They really do. Did you tell them

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about the podcast? It looks great. Did you tell

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them about the podcast? Dude, I was wearing my

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podcast shirt when I walked in the door. Seriously.

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That's very cool, dude. Seriously. I got this

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tattoo with my two douchebags, a microphone.

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It's the same microphone that's used on our logo.

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That's awesome. Yes. And unfortunately, they

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would not let me wear the loincloth. Well, there

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you guys go. No loincloth. I had to put on pants.

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I'm sorry. Well, it was the owner's wife that

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did that tattoo of me. When you get your little

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microphone on your ass cheek, then you'll go

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in there with your loincloth on, right? Oh, I

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have to? Yeah, yeah. It'd be easier for that.

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Yeah. I'm going to get a Bluetooth on my butt

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cheek. There you go. Yeah, yeah. I don't want

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to copy you, so I've got to put something up

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there. So, anyhow, Rob, the other day I got this

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letter from the city of Kansas City, right? Okay,

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the letter states that my business taxes are

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overdue, right? I didn't know you had business.

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Well, I didn't either. Big problem. Big problem

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here. I don't run a business. And furthermore,

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how can I even be taxed if I don't even have

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a business license? Because I thought this podcast,

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I'm like, oh, shit, they're going to claim this

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as a business. And I was going to go, I'm going

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to have to go in there with all my stuff and

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show them a bunch of zeros and go, look, it's

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not a business because I'm not making a dime.

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So you want to subsidize me? Is that it? Or you

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want to let me fucking go? Well, here's what

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happened. I found out, you know. A little bit

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later, after talking to my accountant and realizing

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that Kansas City was full of shit, like normal,

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then I found out that my stepdaughter got a letter

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like that a few years ago. What? Yeah, okay,

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so what one has to do is waste a good 45 minutes

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to an hour on hold with the municipal treasury

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just to tell them it's a mistake. No kidding.

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When I finally got through, it took around five

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minutes at the most. I soon find out that maybe

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one in 40 people get this letter from KC. So

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I'm pretty sure they randomly pick out names,

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and if someone is operating an untaxed business,

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great. But if they don't, then it's a miss. Isn't

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that an asshole way of doing things? Yeah, I

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would say so. Yeah, so you've got to waste a

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big chunk of your day, not to mention calling

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up your accountant and going, hey, I got this

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letter, and then having her go through everything

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and comb through everything and finally call

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back and go, I don't see anything possibly that

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they could tell you that you're running a business

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and owe money. Which most accountants would charge

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you for, so therefore you owe your accountant

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that. Yes. Luckily, Kelly is a really decent

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person and she did not. But anyhow, Kelly Tomlinson

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and she's a certified accountant and she operates

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in Johnson County and does great work. So if

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anyone needs somebody like that, I suggest you

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look her up. So, yeah. So anyhow, you know, I

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mean. You know, I don't even know what they do

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with the money we have right now. I mean, are

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they fixing potholes? If you're up here, you'd

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see what I mean. Our roads look like... I can

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joke about that because I've seen it on Facebook.

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Yeah, yeah. I mean, they're like Swiss cheese.

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There are just holes everywhere. And then their

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answers go through a little bit of blacktop in

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it, which washes out in a couple of days because

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it is the rainy time of year. I mean, you know,

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maybe police protect... Oh, wait a minute. Oh,

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forget it, forget it. Well, anyhow, I got that

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settled, and it's a bunch of bullshit, and I

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think the city of Kansas City... Well, you know

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what? I'll let everybody draw their own conclusion

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without having to say it. Okay, remember when

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we were younger, Rob, and we used to screw around

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with dry ice? Yeah. Well, supposedly that's what

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bands used to do, like Kiss and Alice Cooper

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and stuff. People that needed, you know, bands

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that needed smoke, they'd use dry ice. Now they

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have a different way of doing it, from what I

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understand, but they used to do that, right?

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So, I was thinking... Yeah, yeah, that's right.

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That's true, machines. So I'm sitting there,

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I'm taking piss at the urinal the other day at

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work, and I'm like, hmm. I go, man, I wish I

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had a little chunk of dry ice. I throw that fucker

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in there, and then when I take a piss, I do it

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really quick and then leave. And then the people

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next to me taking a piss would all of a sudden

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see all this smoke rising from the urinal. Wouldn't

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that be funny as hell? That'd be hilarious. Yeah.

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I won't rule that out. I mean, you can't touch

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the dry ice. We're demented minds. Yes. We are

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demented minds. Yes, we are. But I could take

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like a piece of tissue paper or something to

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wrap the dry ice in there because you don't want

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to touch it with your hands because it can get

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stuck to your hands and take your skin off. So

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take a little piece of toilet paper or something

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and then just throw it in the urinal. And also

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it'll take a little bit longer for it to affect.

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So you probably already got your hands dried

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and are on your way out when the smoke starts

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coming up. Wouldn't that be awesome? Yes, that

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would be. I mean, what would you do? There you

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are taking a piss. Guy comes over, pisses, leaves.

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All of a sudden smoke comes up. What? What the

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hell? What'd that guy drink? Shit. Shit. What

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was her name? I don't want to know her. You know

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what I'd do? Here, I got it. I got it. I'd do

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that and smoke would rise and then I'd do some

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type of a weird chant. Of course. You know what,

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Rob? This is why we have hobbies. This is why

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we have podcasts. It is. Our minds get bored,

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so we've got to have something for our imagination.

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Why not share it with the world? Yeah, like we

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just clearly demonstrated. We need to stay busy.

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We need to stay busy. Dry ice in the bathroom.

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Why not? That sounds great. Oh, man. Or, you

00:13:08.450 --> 00:13:10.470
know, you could have a dry ice pellet, maybe.

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And then you could throw it in a water puddle

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or something, you know, in front of a parked

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car. Wait until they start walking forward and

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just kind of discreetly toss it in the front

00:13:22.870 --> 00:13:25.210
of them. No shit. They get their cars on fire.

00:13:26.309 --> 00:13:28.830
All of a sudden, they just start smoking up like,

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what the fuck? Damn it. I just had that fucking

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fixed. Damn electric car. Fuck. Fucking Teslas.

00:13:46.310 --> 00:13:51.710
Oh, sorry, Elon. I'm sure he's still writing

00:13:51.710 --> 00:13:54.169
out some ha -ha's and zingers against Trump right

00:13:54.169 --> 00:13:57.909
now. And Trump's doing the same to him. Oh, yeah?

00:13:57.990 --> 00:14:04.970
Well, you're a poopy pants, Elon. You look like

00:14:04.970 --> 00:14:07.529
you have very low intelligence and are very slow

00:14:07.529 --> 00:14:10.679
at understanding things. Or something like, I'd

00:14:10.679 --> 00:14:12.659
write something really boring like that if I

00:14:12.659 --> 00:14:17.279
was in there like it. Anyhow, or how about it?

00:14:17.480 --> 00:14:21.659
Hey, how about a cooler at Walmart? Throw a little

00:14:21.659 --> 00:14:23.700
water in there. Oh, that would be good. You know,

00:14:23.700 --> 00:14:26.440
they have those coolers on sale. Nowhere. Yeah,

00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:29.460
and I just toss that in there. Man, we could

00:14:29.460 --> 00:14:34.440
like do videos. Phone with dry ice. Dude, yeah,

00:14:34.659 --> 00:14:39.240
we get to show up live. We may have to do some

00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:41.980
shit like this. Yeah, and if you really, really,

00:14:42.179 --> 00:14:44.480
really want a big ha -ha, go over there and stick

00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:47.740
some... Couple old men running around town fucking

00:14:47.740 --> 00:14:51.039
with people. I love it. Ladies and gentlemen,

00:14:51.139 --> 00:14:52.820
now you know why they call them the douchebag.

00:14:53.639 --> 00:14:56.720
That's why they call them douchebags. You really

00:14:56.720 --> 00:14:58.480
want to have fun with, just take a piece of dry

00:14:58.480 --> 00:15:03.840
ice and stick it to someone's forehead. Yeah.

00:15:04.039 --> 00:15:08.940
Oh, fuck. Damn it! They'd have to go home. Yeah.

00:15:09.340 --> 00:15:13.500
Hit a toilet right before they sit down. Oh,

00:15:13.620 --> 00:15:17.419
that would be great. They'd sit down and go,

00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:21.720
what the hell? Hey, we're keeping it in the bathroom,

00:15:21.879 --> 00:15:26.379
dude. I like that. Yes. And also, it'd be almost

00:15:26.379 --> 00:15:28.879
as bad as that guy that took a piss at the story

00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:31.519
last week and a fucking anaconda bit his dick

00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:36.080
off that was in the toilet. This wouldn't be

00:15:36.080 --> 00:15:38.600
quite that bad. They'd be somewhere in that area.

00:15:38.679 --> 00:15:43.419
I'd be like, my shit's smoking. I do have a problem

00:15:43.419 --> 00:15:47.039
with that story, though. Okay. Anacondas aren't

00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:49.000
supposed to bite. They're supposed to fucking

00:15:49.000 --> 00:15:53.399
hug you to death. Hmm. You know what? You know

00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:56.649
what? I got to look at my source. And if that

00:15:56.649 --> 00:15:59.409
was a fake story that I fell for, I will admit

00:15:59.409 --> 00:16:07.009
it and I'll apologize. Yeah, that's right. Okay,

00:16:10.610 --> 00:16:13.190
maybe so, but I still have the same problem with

00:16:13.190 --> 00:16:17.309
the guy, right? Don't you look in? I mean, like

00:16:17.309 --> 00:16:20.669
you said, there might be a... Yeah, yeah, there

00:16:20.669 --> 00:16:22.470
might be a random turd in there. You don't want

00:16:22.470 --> 00:16:24.250
to be hitting it and having it splash on you

00:16:24.250 --> 00:16:26.600
or something, you know? Yeah, I mean, the guy,

00:16:27.159 --> 00:16:29.200
he should have checked the urinal out before

00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:30.980
he took it, or the toilet out before he took

00:16:30.980 --> 00:16:34.559
a piss. Yeah, I think anybody should. Yeah. I

00:16:34.559 --> 00:16:37.980
think anybody in America does that. Yeah, yeah.

00:16:38.039 --> 00:16:40.259
You don't just run up and flop it out and just

00:16:40.259 --> 00:16:42.440
hope for good things to happen. I can't just

00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:44.480
say America. I mean, we've got other countries

00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:46.840
that listen to us. They probably do it too. We've

00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:48.720
got a lot of other countries. We're getting air

00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:52.049
toilets. I mean, you know. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've

00:16:52.049 --> 00:16:54.629
got some people in Greece listening to us, and

00:16:54.629 --> 00:16:58.110
I don't know if it's relatives or not. I'm trying

00:16:58.110 --> 00:17:00.149
to find that out right now, but it's kind of

00:17:00.149 --> 00:17:03.210
hard to convey stuff to them because I can speak

00:17:03.210 --> 00:17:06.400
some Greek, but I cannot write it. So I don't

00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:08.099
know what to say to them. I know there's some

00:17:08.099 --> 00:17:11.319
sort of translation. Yeah. I'm going to have

00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:13.660
to figure out how to do that. But, but then again,

00:17:13.839 --> 00:17:16.160
I, you know what? I, I really don't know them

00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:18.759
that well. I met him like once or twice. So,

00:17:18.819 --> 00:17:20.460
you know, it'd probably be like, Hey, you listen

00:17:20.460 --> 00:17:22.440
to our podcast. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah.

00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:25.579
You're who's a son. Oh, okay. All right. Cool.

00:17:25.700 --> 00:17:28.460
Yeah. I like it. All right. Bye. I, you know,

00:17:28.460 --> 00:17:31.039
it's probably, I probably just, yeah. You know

00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:33.180
what? I don't care enough to, but whoever's listening

00:17:33.180 --> 00:17:37.920
Greece, thank you. So. Thank you. I'm not even

00:17:37.920 --> 00:17:42.119
related, but thank you. Yes. I just made you

00:17:42.119 --> 00:17:45.140
an official Greek, Rob, okay? I have those powers.

00:17:46.220 --> 00:17:49.319
Yeah, yeah. Well, I kind of got that eating your

00:17:49.319 --> 00:17:51.960
mom's cooking. Yeah, okay. You know what? You're

00:17:51.960 --> 00:17:54.220
right. Yeah, you are by default. I'm sorry. I

00:17:54.220 --> 00:17:57.539
forgot. I have been for years. Yeah, I think

00:17:57.539 --> 00:18:00.960
I told you about the goulash, the Greek spaghetti

00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:03.779
dilemma. Oh, God, I love that. Yeah, God. Oh,

00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:06.759
my. God, that was amazing. I've tried and tried

00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:10.099
and tried to make that stuff. And mom just can't

00:18:10.099 --> 00:18:15.039
remember that. Yeah, I know. I've tried to duplicate

00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:18.819
it. I cannot do it. There's something she's leaving

00:18:18.819 --> 00:18:21.970
out. She's forgotten. Or, you know, like her

00:18:21.970 --> 00:18:23.890
pinches and dabs are like real measurements.

00:18:24.089 --> 00:18:26.269
Ours aren't, you know what I mean? But that's

00:18:26.269 --> 00:18:28.170
the old school way of doing things. They know

00:18:28.170 --> 00:18:30.630
exactly what a pinch is according to their fingers.

00:18:30.730 --> 00:18:32.869
They know what a dab is according to their hands.

00:18:33.109 --> 00:18:35.430
We don't know that. You know, we're just kind

00:18:35.430 --> 00:18:38.869
of like, okay, pinch, let me, okay, there, there,

00:18:38.869 --> 00:18:42.029
that looks like a pinch. Well, evidently, it's

00:18:42.029 --> 00:18:44.369
pretty precise on making it taste that good.

00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:47.640
and I can't do it. So maybe it's something like,

00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:50.559
I don't know, maybe you leave the grease in,

00:18:50.700 --> 00:18:53.240
or maybe you use a certain type of oil or something.

00:18:53.359 --> 00:18:56.240
I don't know, but I just can't do it. I've tried

00:18:56.240 --> 00:19:02.299
to. But anyhow, dry ice, though, can you even

00:19:02.299 --> 00:19:04.740
buy dry ice anymore? I mean, we used to get it

00:19:04.740 --> 00:19:07.900
from, remember Boyle's Corned Beef Company at

00:19:07.900 --> 00:19:11.250
the City Market? Yeah. I don't even think they're

00:19:11.250 --> 00:19:12.910
still around, but I remember they used to sell

00:19:12.910 --> 00:19:15.490
it because they used to use dry ice to pack their

00:19:15.490 --> 00:19:18.289
corned beef. And you used to be able to go up

00:19:18.289 --> 00:19:20.309
there and go, hey, I'll take a couple pounds

00:19:20.309 --> 00:19:22.650
of dry ice, and they'd throw it in a plastic

00:19:22.650 --> 00:19:24.869
bag and tell you not to touch it and all that

00:19:24.869 --> 00:19:27.349
good shit. I bet you they don't even do that

00:19:27.349 --> 00:19:34.369
anymore. Well, I know here a few years ago there

00:19:34.369 --> 00:19:37.109
was a grocery store in Lebanon, Missouri that

00:19:37.109 --> 00:19:40.250
sold dry ice. Oh, then maybe it is still a thing.

00:19:40.970 --> 00:19:45.609
Well, this was a few years ago. Oh, okay. We

00:19:45.609 --> 00:19:48.089
had to stop in, but we were going to some function

00:19:48.089 --> 00:19:50.329
or some family function or something, and we

00:19:50.329 --> 00:19:53.990
needed some dried ice or something. And so we

00:19:53.990 --> 00:19:56.630
stopped in this grocery store in Lebanon, and

00:19:56.630 --> 00:20:01.430
they had it. Very cool. Today, I don't know.

00:20:01.490 --> 00:20:05.009
They've changed owners and everything. I wonder

00:20:05.009 --> 00:20:07.539
if that's for the hunters down there. Like maybe

00:20:07.539 --> 00:20:11.200
to keep what they killed fresh or something in

00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:14.660
coolers? Might be. I don't know. Like I said,

00:20:14.740 --> 00:20:17.240
I cannot tell you for sure whether they have

00:20:17.240 --> 00:20:20.000
it. Or it could be to make bombs. They've changed

00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:25.119
owners. Okay. Oh, well. I want to go back to

00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:28.039
the crazy tornado date about a week ago. I think

00:20:28.039 --> 00:20:30.940
it was last Tuesday, right? Okay, so I'm looking

00:20:30.940 --> 00:20:33.000
at all this footage, the Raytown and Independence

00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:35.920
tornado, and it was on the ground in every video.

00:20:36.279 --> 00:20:39.579
There are vehicles headed right into the mess.

00:20:40.019 --> 00:20:43.019
Why is that? In every tornado video you see online,

00:20:43.420 --> 00:20:47.619
huge ones in Oklahoma, Texas, cars are always

00:20:47.619 --> 00:20:51.500
headed into it. Wouldn't you see that? Slam on

00:20:51.500 --> 00:20:53.519
your brakes and go, oh, fuck, no, I'm going the

00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:56.440
other way. You know what I mean? You look at

00:20:56.440 --> 00:21:01.210
it and cars are going right into it. All the

00:21:01.210 --> 00:21:04.029
time. It's like, what the hell's going on? Yeah.

00:21:04.250 --> 00:21:08.529
Yeah. I have no answer for that other than dumbasses.

00:21:08.750 --> 00:21:11.089
That's the only thing I can think of. I'm sure

00:21:11.089 --> 00:21:12.869
they have other reasons. I was sitting there

00:21:12.869 --> 00:21:18.589
like watching. I've seen moving tornadoes. And,

00:21:18.809 --> 00:21:23.170
you know, you run down next to them down the

00:21:23.170 --> 00:21:26.069
road. You can tell which direction they're moving.

00:21:26.190 --> 00:21:28.470
So if you keep moving in a certain direction,

00:21:28.569 --> 00:21:31.559
you should run away from them. And maybe the

00:21:31.559 --> 00:21:34.140
video doesn't capture it. They're going straight

00:21:34.140 --> 00:21:36.539
into it. I know what you're talking about. Yeah,

00:21:36.539 --> 00:21:41.859
and it's like, I mean, wouldn't you, like, all

00:21:41.859 --> 00:21:44.200
of a sudden see that? And I'd slam all my brakes

00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:47.700
and go the other way. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of

00:21:47.700 --> 00:21:51.359
going, hey. I'd at least stop and see which way

00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:53.700
that subject is at. Yeah, me too. I would stop,

00:21:53.700 --> 00:21:56.630
and if it looks like it's not moving. Yeah. I

00:21:56.630 --> 00:21:59.710
agree. Rule of thumb is this right here. If it

00:21:59.710 --> 00:22:01.730
doesn't look like it's moving, you better get

00:22:01.730 --> 00:22:05.490
out because it's coming right for you. And that's

00:22:05.490 --> 00:22:08.710
true. A tornado coming right for you looks like

00:22:08.710 --> 00:22:11.769
it's not moving until you see it getting really

00:22:11.769 --> 00:22:14.230
close. And then you're like, oh, shit, it is

00:22:14.230 --> 00:22:20.730
moving towards me. So, anyhow, I just thought

00:22:20.730 --> 00:22:22.589
I'd ask that, Rob, and I'm glad you noticed,

00:22:22.609 --> 00:22:26.160
too. Yeah. This is one of those things we're

00:22:26.160 --> 00:22:28.119
not going to have an answer to. We're going to

00:22:28.119 --> 00:22:31.799
be like, okay. Well, let's just. It would not

00:22:31.799 --> 00:22:38.480
be us. No, you're right. It would not. So, all

00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:40.940
right. I'm starting to do all these new segments

00:22:40.940 --> 00:22:43.480
on the program, like music news and regional

00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:48.359
or Midwest concert update and so forth. What

00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:51.299
do you think of them so far? I'm loving them.

00:22:51.380 --> 00:22:55.470
Okay. I really am. Okay. And we're going to use

00:22:55.470 --> 00:22:57.650
different people. It's not just going to be Johnny

00:22:57.650 --> 00:23:00.990
Rohypnol. And I forgot the other guy's name.

00:23:01.470 --> 00:23:03.410
There's a couple more names getting incorporated,

00:23:03.450 --> 00:23:10.009
too, by the way. So anyhow. Oh, the problem is,

00:23:10.069 --> 00:23:13.170
is I get these little creative outbursts of stuff

00:23:13.170 --> 00:23:17.329
I want to do, right? And I put shorthand in my

00:23:17.329 --> 00:23:20.910
phone. And when I get home that night. I go to

00:23:20.910 --> 00:23:22.630
work and everything. I get home that night, I

00:23:22.630 --> 00:23:25.930
can't remember what my shorthand meant. It'd

00:23:25.930 --> 00:23:29.710
be like, Beef 2715. I'm like, fuck, I forgot.

00:23:29.750 --> 00:23:31.589
That meant something this morning, but it doesn't

00:23:31.589 --> 00:23:35.089
mean anything now. So, I don't know. I'm looking...

00:23:35.089 --> 00:23:43.720
Probably pretty close. So... I don't know. I'm

00:23:43.720 --> 00:23:46.180
hoping there's like, I'm looking for an app that

00:23:46.180 --> 00:23:48.119
you just speaking to kind of like doctors used

00:23:48.119 --> 00:23:50.359
to use those recorders. Now they actually have

00:23:50.359 --> 00:23:54.279
a person translating. I'm looking for something

00:23:54.279 --> 00:23:57.119
like that on a phone that you can just go. Yeah.

00:23:57.720 --> 00:24:01.000
I thought of a new segment about people's hairy

00:24:01.000 --> 00:24:04.160
feet or, you know, or whatever. I'm sure there's

00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:06.259
something out there. And if you guys know of

00:24:06.259 --> 00:24:09.099
something, let me know. And also of all these

00:24:09.099 --> 00:24:12.400
new segments right in. Let us know what you think.

00:24:12.980 --> 00:24:15.259
Because if we're onto something, let us know.

00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:18.519
If it stinks, let us know. Either way, we'll

00:24:18.519 --> 00:24:20.799
accept it. I mean, we read hate email all the

00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:24.759
time. I mean, like we've always said, hate email

00:24:24.759 --> 00:24:30.319
goes to the front. Right, Rob? Actually, sometimes

00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:33.660
we like hate email better than we do regular

00:24:33.660 --> 00:24:36.299
email. Sometimes it's more entertaining. Just

00:24:36.299 --> 00:24:39.569
so we can make fun of them. Yes. And also, knowing

00:24:39.569 --> 00:24:41.490
you got under someone's skin that bad is kind

00:24:41.490 --> 00:24:43.930
of funny, too. Right. When you're just having

00:24:43.930 --> 00:24:47.009
fun. I see these people that say, 40 minutes

00:24:47.009 --> 00:24:49.450
into it, what the fuck you listen to 40 minutes

00:24:49.450 --> 00:24:51.549
into it for? I know. What was the one that...

00:24:51.549 --> 00:24:56.329
Come on. It was almost 20... Yeah, it was like

00:24:56.329 --> 00:25:00.190
an hour and 10 minutes into it, a segment they

00:25:00.190 --> 00:25:03.789
said. And I'm like, okay, so you hate us and

00:25:03.789 --> 00:25:07.170
we suck and we're the worst things ever. An hour

00:25:07.170 --> 00:25:12.230
and 20 minutes later, you decide this? Me? That

00:25:12.230 --> 00:25:15.069
person's slow. I'm sorry. Not that they dogged

00:25:15.069 --> 00:25:18.349
us. I love that person. I love that person. I

00:25:18.349 --> 00:25:21.049
mean, they did give us some pretty good fodder

00:25:21.049 --> 00:25:23.329
there. We did have some good stuff to say. Yeah,

00:25:23.470 --> 00:25:41.690
we had some good dialogue. And yes, everybody,

00:25:42.029 --> 00:25:52.869
we are talking about one email. He's like an

00:25:52.869 --> 00:25:55.809
hour into it. An hour and ten minutes into it.

00:25:56.369 --> 00:25:58.529
What the fuck do you listen to? How long have

00:25:58.529 --> 00:26:03.009
we shot? You see, he gave himself away. Oh, yeah.

00:26:03.130 --> 00:26:07.450
He gave himself away. Say, in a segment in particular.

00:26:07.450 --> 00:26:09.289
Then I went back and I looked. I'm like, I'm

00:26:09.289 --> 00:26:11.109
pretty sure that's towards the end of the show.

00:26:11.450 --> 00:26:13.750
And sure enough, an hour and ten minutes. And

00:26:13.750 --> 00:26:16.109
I'm like, that idiot. He listened to the whole

00:26:16.109 --> 00:26:20.430
thing. No, no, no. I don't believe him. I think

00:26:20.430 --> 00:26:23.509
he likes the show, but he fucking hates it. Who

00:26:23.509 --> 00:26:27.470
knows? Maybe he was bored. Maybe his balls itched.

00:26:27.470 --> 00:26:32.609
Who fucking knows? I think it was Mitch in disguise.

00:26:33.009 --> 00:26:38.309
It probably was Mitch. Or not Mitch, Clint. No,

00:26:38.309 --> 00:26:40.930
I'm talking about Mitch. Oh, yeah, because Mitch

00:26:40.930 --> 00:26:43.670
always makes fun of... Mitch has listened for

00:26:43.670 --> 00:26:46.619
a while, man. He's coming up as... Shit, we did

00:26:46.619 --> 00:26:49.700
a long time ago. Yeah. He's a listener for a

00:26:49.700 --> 00:26:53.619
while. That's why we give him credit. Yeah. Yeah,

00:26:53.640 --> 00:26:56.900
that's true. Mitch has been a long -time listener,

00:26:57.059 --> 00:26:59.259
obviously, because he goes back to a lot of stuff.

00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:02.180
And I think he actually, I think he finally,

00:27:02.359 --> 00:27:04.819
did he miss last week or the week before? He

00:27:04.819 --> 00:27:06.599
missed a week, and we're kind of worried, but

00:27:06.599 --> 00:27:11.160
I think he sent another one. Well, no. I don't

00:27:11.160 --> 00:27:14.740
know. I had wrote down, we have a top seven.

00:27:15.099 --> 00:27:19.220
Buckhammer songs from Mitch. Oh, yeah. Well,

00:27:19.500 --> 00:27:22.539
he didn't answer. No, no. He was here last week.

00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:28.779
Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I have my list. Okay.

00:27:29.960 --> 00:27:36.539
Okay, cool. I got my list, too. All right. We'll

00:27:36.539 --> 00:27:56.650
do that during the emails that we have. No, that's

00:27:56.650 --> 00:28:03.190
July 26th. Just saying the way it looks, I may

00:28:03.190 --> 00:28:09.799
not get to go. That's a different story. Oh,

00:28:09.980 --> 00:28:12.779
I reported on Jerry Cantrell of Alice in Chains

00:28:12.779 --> 00:28:16.039
coming by. He has a solo album right now called

00:28:16.039 --> 00:28:17.779
I Want Blood that I'm going to try to listen

00:28:17.779 --> 00:28:20.859
to. And I think I really need to check that show

00:28:20.859 --> 00:28:24.019
out because I find Jerry Cantrell amazing on

00:28:24.019 --> 00:28:26.880
guitar. He is a rhythm guy. I mean, he does some

00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:29.579
cool leads, but his rhythm is just awesome. You

00:28:29.579 --> 00:28:32.220
know, I'm betting he does a bunch of Alice in

00:28:32.220 --> 00:28:35.539
Chains, the crunchy stuff, like Man in the Box

00:28:35.539 --> 00:28:52.529
and stuff like that. Well, what I'm thinking

00:28:52.529 --> 00:28:58.690
is if I don't get to go to Bear Shrugger, I'm

00:28:58.690 --> 00:29:03.069
going to go see Ozark Mountain Bear Devils. Yeah,

00:29:03.170 --> 00:29:06.960
it's their final tour. It's a fellow tourer,

00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:08.819
and they're going to be here at Ozark. Yeah,

00:29:08.920 --> 00:29:10.619
I mean, you know, they're... I love Ozark now.

00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:13.940
Daredevils. Look, they're 120, but they still

00:29:13.940 --> 00:29:20.460
rock. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Okay. Great,

00:29:20.640 --> 00:29:24.079
great music over the years. Yeah, they have always

00:29:24.079 --> 00:29:26.400
been their own, and they never aspired to anything

00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:29.559
new. They never aspired to anything catchy. They

00:29:29.559 --> 00:29:32.519
never aspired to anything poppy. They just did

00:29:32.519 --> 00:29:34.299
what they did, and the people liked them, liked

00:29:34.299 --> 00:29:36.660
them. I really respected the way they did business.

00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:38.599
They're just kind of like, yeah, this is what

00:29:38.599 --> 00:29:40.359
we are. You either like it or you don't. We're

00:29:40.359 --> 00:29:42.799
not trying to convince you. We're over here if

00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:45.319
you want us. I loved them. Yeah, we're not trying

00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:47.319
to be like everybody else. We're just being us.

00:29:47.480 --> 00:29:49.900
No, they've always been themselves. I do too.

00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:52.759
And they're pretty good, too. I like a lot of

00:29:52.759 --> 00:29:57.140
their music, so. Okay. All right, Rob, we turn

00:29:57.140 --> 00:30:01.680
it over to you. Okay, well, since we're talking

00:30:01.680 --> 00:30:05.619
about music, after 17 years, Canadian progressive

00:30:05.619 --> 00:30:10.539
rock band Triumph finally returned to the stage

00:30:10.539 --> 00:30:13.559
for a long -awaited reunion, but one member was

00:30:13.559 --> 00:30:19.200
noticeably absent. Who was it? Triumph took the

00:30:19.200 --> 00:30:22.049
stage. Okay, yeah, yeah, Eddie Trump was there.

00:30:23.809 --> 00:30:27.349
On Friday, June 6th, the band performed three

00:30:27.349 --> 00:30:30.470
of their biggest hits, Allied Forces, Flight

00:30:30.470 --> 00:30:33.670
to Goodbye, Light on the Line, at Rogers Festival

00:30:33.670 --> 00:30:38.009
at the final part of the NHL Stanley Cup Finals

00:30:38.009 --> 00:30:42.089
festivities. founding members Rick Emmett and

00:30:42.089 --> 00:30:45.089
drummer Gilmore reportedly took the stage alongside

00:30:45.089 --> 00:30:50.109
special guests Phil X, Brent Pitts, in Todd's

00:30:50.109 --> 00:30:54.549
terms. However, bassist Mike Levine was missing

00:30:54.549 --> 00:30:58.509
from the lineup for a surprisingly relatable

00:30:58.509 --> 00:31:04.490
reason. Mike Levine has been our bassist forever.

00:31:05.130 --> 00:31:08.269
Yeah, they didn't change very many people, that's

00:31:08.269 --> 00:31:14.069
for sure. Right. According to Levine, 76, he

00:31:14.069 --> 00:31:16.730
had a medical appointment he simply could not

00:31:16.730 --> 00:31:20.619
reschedule. In the land of where medicine is

00:31:20.619 --> 00:31:24.599
free, it takes long times to get specialist appointments.

00:31:25.299 --> 00:31:28.039
And I've been waiting four months to see this

00:31:28.039 --> 00:31:32.019
guy. He explained during the appearance on Sirius

00:31:32.019 --> 00:31:36.819
XM's Trump Nation with Eddie Trump. Very cool.

00:31:37.039 --> 00:31:39.559
Shout out to Eddie. Yeah, yeah. Eddie was at

00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:44.819
the Triumph show, actually. Yeah. And my doctor

00:31:44.819 --> 00:31:48.740
appointment was booked for June 6th at 11 a .m.

00:31:48.740 --> 00:31:52.180
this morning, and I couldn't get out of it. It's

00:31:52.180 --> 00:31:56.039
one of those that I had to go to. Trypan performed

00:31:56.039 --> 00:32:00.680
a public concert together since 2008 when they

00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:04.940
played the Sweden Rock Festival in Rock, Oklahoma.

00:32:05.740 --> 00:32:09.059
Their latest set marks a major moment for fans

00:32:09.059 --> 00:32:11.480
who have waited over a decade to see the band

00:32:11.480 --> 00:32:14.579
perform live again. However, if you miss the

00:32:14.579 --> 00:32:17.279
concert, there's still a way to celebrate the

00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:23.160
group. Same day, Triumph was honored with a tribute

00:32:23.160 --> 00:32:27.859
album, Magic Power, All -Star Tribute to Triumph,

00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:35.039
produced by Roundhill Records. Very cool. The

00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:38.039
album features performances from rock legends

00:32:38.039 --> 00:32:44.839
like Dorothy, Sebastian Bach, Nancy Wilson. Nancy

00:32:44.839 --> 00:32:52.019
Wilson. Joey Belladonna. Oh, Anthrax. Slash.

00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:57.880
Cool. And Jeff Keith. Oh, Tussauds. Five decades

00:32:57.880 --> 00:33:04.380
of rock history. Wow. I'm going to check that

00:33:04.380 --> 00:33:08.160
out. It's cool that they finally got together,

00:33:08.259 --> 00:33:11.119
but unfortunately it was without the bassist.

00:33:11.420 --> 00:33:13.819
Yeah, and Triumph has always been one of those.

00:33:13.819 --> 00:33:17.059
We get it. At our age, we get that. Yeah, you

00:33:17.059 --> 00:33:19.019
get it. You get a doctor's appointment, you got

00:33:19.019 --> 00:33:21.680
to give up everything. Yeah, I don't blame them

00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:23.519
for going to that. You cannot miss that doctor's

00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:26.319
appointment. Yeah, I don't blame them. Yeah,

00:33:26.400 --> 00:33:28.619
that just sucks. But I'll tell you what, as far

00:33:28.619 --> 00:33:30.720
as Triumph goes, they've always been an underrated

00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:34.500
band. Oh, God, yeah, we've always agreed on that.

00:33:34.759 --> 00:33:38.599
Yeah, yeah, they're really, really good. Wow,

00:33:38.839 --> 00:33:43.099
okay, cool. Oh, I forgot something, okay? I got

00:33:43.099 --> 00:33:47.119
a very angry text the other day from a guy I

00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:49.680
used to work with, and I'd forgotten I'd done

00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:55.400
this, okay? He, let's see, he sent me, I forgot

00:33:55.400 --> 00:33:58.539
what it was, this little contraption thing that

00:33:58.539 --> 00:34:04.640
I needed for work, and he sent it to me, and

00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:06.539
he paid for it, and I was supposed to pay him

00:34:06.539 --> 00:34:09.530
back. OK, and he said, just buy me something

00:34:09.530 --> 00:34:12.989
sometime. So I was like, OK. So I was up in Nebraska

00:34:12.989 --> 00:34:16.349
doing work a couple of weeks later. And have

00:34:16.349 --> 00:34:18.969
you ever been to a place up there called Carlos

00:34:18.969 --> 00:34:24.409
O 'Kelly's? It's a Mexican chain, Mexican food

00:34:24.409 --> 00:34:27.789
chain. Well, I got one of those $50 gift certificates,

00:34:27.949 --> 00:34:32.349
but I didn't load it with any money. OK. I come

00:34:32.349 --> 00:34:34.690
back and I go, dude, man, you go to Nebraska

00:34:34.690 --> 00:34:36.150
every now and then, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, I

00:34:36.150 --> 00:34:38.050
have family up there. I go, all right, here's

00:34:38.050 --> 00:34:41.269
a $50 gift certificate to Carlos O 'Kelly's.

00:34:41.309 --> 00:34:43.670
Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, for sending me that tool.

00:34:43.829 --> 00:34:46.349
Oh, yeah, yeah, hey, man, thanks, dude. I can't

00:34:46.349 --> 00:34:49.110
wait to go eat, you know. He didn't use it. This

00:34:49.110 --> 00:34:52.789
is like six years later. And he sends me a dirty

00:34:52.789 --> 00:34:55.590
text, you fucking asshole. And I'm like, what

00:34:55.590 --> 00:34:57.469
the hell did I do? I forgot all about it. He

00:34:57.469 --> 00:35:02.219
goes, you didn't put any money on this. They

00:35:02.219 --> 00:35:06.199
could tell when they swiped it. And he argued

00:35:06.199 --> 00:35:08.699
with me. He goes, no, there's $50 on there. There's

00:35:08.699 --> 00:35:11.280
nothing on here. And then finally, after he argued

00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:13.539
for like five minutes and pissed some people

00:35:13.539 --> 00:35:15.800
off really bad, he got to thinking. He goes,

00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:20.079
fucking Mark, that son of a bitch. And then he

00:35:20.079 --> 00:35:22.519
sent me the text. And I'd forgotten all about

00:35:22.519 --> 00:35:23.940
it. I'm like, what the hell? What's going on?

00:35:24.039 --> 00:35:26.239
And he said, remember that gift card you gave

00:35:26.239 --> 00:35:32.250
me? And I'm like, oh, oh, oh. It worked fucking

00:35:32.250 --> 00:35:34.929
perfectly, dude. He was arguing with him about

00:35:34.929 --> 00:35:40.730
it. I think I'm going to get another gift card

00:35:40.730 --> 00:35:42.949
and not put anything on it. Go here. I'm really

00:35:42.949 --> 00:35:46.329
sorry about this. Here. Here's a real gift card.

00:35:46.429 --> 00:35:51.610
And do it to him again. What do you think? Yeah,

00:35:51.610 --> 00:35:54.530
why not? Hell yeah. I never see him anymore anyhow.

00:35:54.909 --> 00:35:57.250
He'll just send me a long distance fuck you,

00:35:57.349 --> 00:35:59.309
you know, and that's about it. Like he did a

00:35:59.309 --> 00:36:03.760
couple of days ago. So, all right, you want to

00:36:03.760 --> 00:36:05.960
take our first break and come back to some emails?

00:36:07.280 --> 00:36:10.280
Yes, sounds good. All right, we'll be right back.

00:36:10.599 --> 00:36:14.659
Possibly, probably, but you never know. If you're

00:36:14.659 --> 00:36:27.360
lucky. That's right. Strange, but true. Morgan

00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:30.420
Freeman wears earrings worth $60 ,000. This is

00:36:30.420 --> 00:36:33.280
for the event he dies somewhere remote. The earrings

00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:35.960
will cover the cost of the funeral. This is an

00:36:35.960 --> 00:36:39.780
old sailor tradition. Hey, everybody. This is

00:36:39.780 --> 00:36:42.900
Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some kicks for

00:36:42.900 --> 00:36:47.960
life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick pics.

00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:53.219
Rule number one. Type of a pic in someone else's

00:36:53.219 --> 00:36:56.559
name, as long as you get busted, is not yours.

00:36:57.780 --> 00:37:02.179
Rule number two. Shoot angles complementary to

00:37:02.179 --> 00:37:08.579
your length and girth. Rule number four. No propping

00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:15.880
of the leg. Absolutely no undercarriage. Very

00:37:15.880 --> 00:37:21.360
important. Your mom is so ugly, your dad takes

00:37:21.360 --> 00:37:24.260
her to work every day so he doesn't have to kiss

00:37:24.260 --> 00:37:28.150
her goodbye. Hey, look! I think we found land.

00:37:28.389 --> 00:37:32.650
Oh my god, I think we're safe. Oh no! It's the

00:37:32.650 --> 00:37:41.230
island of horrible jokes. Where do polar bears

00:37:41.230 --> 00:37:50.449
keep their money? In a snow bank. And now, a

00:37:50.449 --> 00:37:53.849
brand new feature. Strange insults from an alien.

00:37:55.920 --> 00:38:00.260
May you always step in a wet spot after putting

00:38:00.260 --> 00:38:07.380
on fresh socks. Jam X. What the hell happened?

00:38:08.500 --> 00:38:14.780
You were the generation of change. You never

00:38:14.780 --> 00:38:18.699
wanted to be one of them. Apathy spoke for you.

00:38:19.900 --> 00:38:24.699
Fuck the man. Fuck the system. What the hell

00:38:24.699 --> 00:38:29.000
happened? The generation of angst, the generation

00:38:29.000 --> 00:38:34.239
of noncompliance is now buying a boat. You're

00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:36.559
really fed up to kill someone dangled a dollar

00:38:36.559 --> 00:38:40.920
near you. Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined.

00:38:43.599 --> 00:38:46.460
Hey, you greasy wankers. It's time for the Midwest

00:38:46.460 --> 00:38:56.179
concert calendar. Want a tool to Wichita? Static

00:38:56.179 --> 00:38:59.199
X with Gore and Dope at the Cotillion on May

00:38:59.199 --> 00:39:02.099
26th. Marshall Tucker Band at the Temple Live

00:39:02.099 --> 00:39:05.219
Wichita on May 29th. Alice Cooper and Judas Priest

00:39:05.219 --> 00:39:08.219
in Trust Arena October 8th. Diggly Rock just

00:39:08.219 --> 00:39:10.139
up the road in Kansas City at Grindr's August

00:39:10.139 --> 00:39:13.340
13th. Jerry Cantrell supports a solo album, I

00:39:13.340 --> 00:39:15.880
Want Blood. He will be live at Tub Camp Theater

00:39:15.880 --> 00:39:19.159
in Kansas City September 14th. Black Oak Amphitheater

00:39:19.159 --> 00:39:22.239
landed in Missouri May 31st. Up Cherry and Hinder.

00:39:22.380 --> 00:39:25.179
How about Tulsa? Go see the Toadies at Canes

00:39:25.179 --> 00:39:27.639
Ballroom August 27th, or how about the Melvins

00:39:27.639 --> 00:39:30.539
Thursday, October 14th, Canes Ballroom also.

00:39:31.880 --> 00:39:34.219
Keep listening for more updates coming soon.

00:39:35.780 --> 00:39:37.820
Have you ever wondered what something is about?

00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:40.099
Have you ever looked at something and said, hmm,

00:39:40.199 --> 00:39:43.219
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so

00:39:43.219 --> 00:39:47.139
have we. That's why we give you The Origin of

00:39:47.139 --> 00:39:50.199
The Origin of the Middle Finger. The origin of

00:39:50.199 --> 00:39:52.840
the middle finger gesture is an insult, is debated.

00:39:53.260 --> 00:39:55.659
but it's widely believed gap roots in ancient

00:39:55.659 --> 00:39:58.239
greece and rome specifically asleep to phallic

00:39:58.239 --> 00:40:01.219
symbolism and used as a way to express insults

00:40:01.219 --> 00:40:04.179
taunt or even more people the specific origins

00:40:04.179 --> 00:40:06.440
are unclear the middle finger has been documented

00:40:06.440 --> 00:40:09.199
as a gesture of disrespected anger for over two

00:40:09.199 --> 00:40:31.699
millennia Yay. Let's see. What the hell is that

00:40:31.699 --> 00:40:33.599
going to say here? Okay, we're going to go to

00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:39.139
emails. All right. Oh, a little bit later on,

00:40:39.159 --> 00:40:43.260
we have 7 -Eleven Taquitos versus other foods.

00:40:43.380 --> 00:40:45.519
We're at Food Wars, only we're doing a little

00:40:45.519 --> 00:40:48.219
bit different. Oh, cool. It's 7 -Eleven Taquitos.

00:40:48.260 --> 00:40:49.840
We know how tough they are. They're going to

00:40:49.840 --> 00:40:52.400
be fighting a lot of foods. Oh, my God. Oh, my

00:40:52.400 --> 00:40:54.679
God. Yeah, they will. I can't wait. They wear

00:40:54.679 --> 00:40:56.699
tank tops and muscle shirts, and they beat the

00:40:56.699 --> 00:40:58.219
hell out of you when you look at them wrong.

00:40:58.380 --> 00:41:04.059
So we love them. All right. First one. Rob, I

00:41:04.059 --> 00:41:05.719
was needing a couple of homemade lures, please.

00:41:06.340 --> 00:41:08.679
There's this huge carp in the beautiful Massey

00:41:08.679 --> 00:41:11.699
Creek arm of Lake Freeman. It's my understanding

00:41:11.699 --> 00:41:14.579
that your cheetah fishing guide has its own homemade

00:41:14.579 --> 00:41:17.699
lures. Mitch, President and CEO of W Highway

00:41:17.699 --> 00:41:19.840
Douchebag Brigade of South Central Cass County.

00:41:22.019 --> 00:41:27.650
Rob? He's fucking with you. Okay, Mitch. He's

00:41:27.650 --> 00:41:30.789
poking you in the chest. You are stepping up.

00:41:30.949 --> 00:41:33.329
You are stepping up. You've got a whole group

00:41:33.329 --> 00:41:37.309
listening to this now. Mm -hmm. Actually, yeah,

00:41:37.389 --> 00:41:39.730
there are some homemade fishing lures available.

00:41:40.809 --> 00:41:43.289
You've got to come see me. There you go, Mitch.

00:41:44.090 --> 00:41:48.030
Camden 10 secret bunker. You have to knock a

00:41:48.030 --> 00:41:52.070
certain way and put a code in, right? Yep. Yep.

00:41:54.380 --> 00:41:57.739
This next one, this person has seriously listened

00:41:57.739 --> 00:42:01.179
for a long time. Because I've done this particular

00:42:01.179 --> 00:42:03.780
what they're talking about with Topher. It's

00:42:03.780 --> 00:42:08.039
like three years ago. Mark, seriously, you have

00:42:08.039 --> 00:42:10.579
a good homemade pasta sauce recipe? I listened

00:42:10.579 --> 00:42:12.739
to an old episode and you mentioned that sometimes

00:42:12.739 --> 00:42:15.739
you make your own pasta sauce. I'm trying to

00:42:15.739 --> 00:42:17.500
do better whole food eating starting with the

00:42:17.500 --> 00:42:23.030
sauces. Andre in California. Yeah, I do. Let

00:42:23.030 --> 00:42:25.590
me think. I forgot to jot it down, but I think

00:42:25.590 --> 00:42:29.309
I can do it by memory. Okay. Three 8 -ounce cans

00:42:29.309 --> 00:42:33.449
of unsweetened Hunt's tomato sauce. Has to be

00:42:33.449 --> 00:42:35.449
Hunt's. It has a certain taste that works really

00:42:35.449 --> 00:42:38.849
well. Three 8 -ounce cans. And I'm not joking.

00:42:39.690 --> 00:42:44.969
Two garlic cloves minced. Two teaspoons of butter.

00:42:46.409 --> 00:42:49.050
and you melt it all together slowly you simmer

00:42:49.050 --> 00:42:51.510
it and then when it gets a good nice consistency

00:42:51.510 --> 00:42:55.809
you add oregano and basil flakes and it should

00:42:55.809 --> 00:42:59.170
be about a half teaspoon each when it starts

00:42:59.170 --> 00:43:01.670
bubbling you you let it simmer and it'll start

00:43:01.670 --> 00:43:03.170
bubbling but it's going to take a little while

00:43:03.170 --> 00:43:04.969
but when it starts bubbling around the edges

00:43:04.969 --> 00:43:11.070
you add a cap full of white vinegar to it and

00:43:11.070 --> 00:43:13.750
let and stir it for about a half a minute and

00:43:13.750 --> 00:43:16.469
then turn the heat off and let it sit And I believe

00:43:16.469 --> 00:43:18.210
that's it right there. It's really good pasta

00:43:18.210 --> 00:43:23.730
sauce, homemade. So, all right, next one. I hope

00:43:23.730 --> 00:43:28.750
it works for you, Andre in California. Yeah.

00:43:29.070 --> 00:43:32.010
All right. Mark, your sports bastard is doubling.

00:43:32.150 --> 00:43:35.150
Oh, oh, I forgot the main thing. A wooden spoon.

00:43:35.750 --> 00:43:39.230
Don't use a metal spoon. A wooden spoon. A metal

00:43:39.230 --> 00:43:43.840
spoon gives it. Yes, use a wooden spoon. you'll

00:43:43.840 --> 00:43:45.820
get a much better taste out of the sauce because

00:43:45.820 --> 00:43:52.480
it leaves kind of a taste to it. Yeah. And that's

00:43:52.480 --> 00:43:55.619
no joke. That is serious stuff. Yeah, and when

00:43:55.619 --> 00:43:58.519
you're allowing it to simmer, leave the wooden

00:43:58.519 --> 00:44:01.539
spoon in it. It gives out a little bit of flavor,

00:44:01.719 --> 00:44:04.300
believe it or not. I know it sounds weird, but

00:44:04.300 --> 00:44:08.480
it's true. All right, Mark, your sports bastards

00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:11.039
is doubling the audio again. Could you please

00:44:11.039 --> 00:44:14.219
fix it? This is the first one in a while. I would

00:44:14.219 --> 00:44:17.019
like to hear it. Thank you, Johnny and OP. Johnny

00:44:17.019 --> 00:44:19.300
and OP, thank you. I got on there and I took

00:44:19.300 --> 00:44:21.719
it down and I fixed it. And I appreciate you

00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:24.059
letting me know because I did not have a chance

00:44:24.059 --> 00:44:26.079
to listen to it after I posted it. I did it in

00:44:26.079 --> 00:44:29.800
the morning before I went to work. But thank

00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:34.150
you. Appreciate it, Johnny. Hey, guys, I hear

00:44:34.150 --> 00:44:38.010
you, as in KC, got the, well, me, Rob's down

00:44:38.010 --> 00:44:40.969
there, got the tornadoes and we didn't get the

00:44:40.969 --> 00:44:43.510
brunt of it for once. Enjoy, my friends. We need

00:44:43.510 --> 00:44:47.269
a break here in Tulsa. How about the top 70 comedy

00:44:47.269 --> 00:44:51.590
movies of all time? I knew he was going to come

00:44:51.590 --> 00:44:55.170
up with that one. Did you really? I like it.

00:44:55.309 --> 00:44:58.750
I like that one. I have felt that question coming

00:44:58.750 --> 00:45:02.829
for a couple weeks, Tulsa King. There you go.

00:45:03.670 --> 00:45:07.110
Rob's on to you. He knows. Well, he's your biggest

00:45:07.110 --> 00:45:10.929
fan. You should know. So, anyhow. I know. I know.

00:45:10.969 --> 00:45:13.090
But seriously, for like the last couple weeks,

00:45:13.210 --> 00:45:15.849
I've just been waiting for him to bring up our

00:45:15.849 --> 00:45:19.250
top seven comedy movies. I really have. Cool.

00:45:20.489 --> 00:45:24.530
That's weird. All right, the Tulsa King. We shall

00:45:24.530 --> 00:45:29.590
do that Tuesday? Yeah, let's go Tuesday. All

00:45:29.590 --> 00:45:33.050
right. Talk soon. Day after tomorrow. All right.

00:45:33.110 --> 00:45:35.710
Cool. Thank you, Ronnie, like always. And yes,

00:45:35.829 --> 00:45:38.190
you are still royalty and you will always be.

00:45:38.369 --> 00:45:44.949
Yes. By the way, I've got a story for him a little

00:45:44.949 --> 00:45:49.730
bit later that I'm going to read. Okay. Why is

00:45:49.730 --> 00:45:52.210
Apple making me pay a subscription to hear your

00:45:52.210 --> 00:45:55.510
podcast? You said it was free. Walt in Texas.

00:45:55.750 --> 00:45:58.889
It is free. I don't know what type of platform

00:45:58.889 --> 00:46:02.920
you're on with. apple tunes or whatever but there

00:46:02.920 --> 00:46:06.139
is paywalls there and you can get us on that

00:46:06.139 --> 00:46:10.840
but you can get us on the free one so um i i

00:46:10.840 --> 00:46:13.719
don't know what to tell you i i don't know why

00:46:13.719 --> 00:46:16.139
it's trying to charge you you must be on a slightly

00:46:16.139 --> 00:46:19.760
wrong site you go to the free section and we're

00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:22.380
in there but if you go to a paywall we're also

00:46:22.380 --> 00:46:24.199
going to be in there too because you get all

00:46:24.199 --> 00:46:27.719
the free stuff with the paywall so see where

00:46:27.719 --> 00:46:29.579
you're at, and figure it out from there. That's

00:46:29.579 --> 00:46:31.579
all I can really do for you. I mean, I can't,

00:46:31.579 --> 00:46:36.159
you know. Go ahead, Rob. As I do, like we always

00:46:36.159 --> 00:46:39.480
say, go to Google. Everybody knows you can listen

00:46:39.480 --> 00:46:42.840
to us on Google. Yeah, I mean, we actually show

00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:46.500
up on all the major ones, even Odyssey, who we

00:46:46.500 --> 00:46:49.119
didn't even enroll with, which we love that.

00:46:49.239 --> 00:46:52.019
Thank you, Odyssey, for whoever put us up there.

00:46:52.079 --> 00:46:57.170
Thank you. Yeah. I don't know what else to say.

00:46:57.329 --> 00:46:59.150
I mean, you can go to all these other sites.

00:46:59.190 --> 00:47:02.170
Like you said, Rob, Google us. There'll be RSS.

00:47:02.210 --> 00:47:05.130
There'll be Spotify. There'll be Amazon. There'll

00:47:05.130 --> 00:47:08.349
be all of these. We are on literally every platform

00:47:08.349 --> 00:47:12.250
you can think of, audio platforms. So we're all

00:47:12.250 --> 00:47:16.429
over. The doucheness is everywhere. And what

00:47:16.429 --> 00:47:19.570
the hell was that? Walt. Walt in Texas. Thank

00:47:19.570 --> 00:47:21.630
you. Thank you for inquiring. That's what you

00:47:21.630 --> 00:47:26.730
need to do. I love your podcast. I put it on

00:47:26.730 --> 00:47:28.989
to keep the coyotes away from my chickens at

00:47:28.989 --> 00:47:35.389
night. Ray and Del Ray. Awesome. I think that's

00:47:35.389 --> 00:47:37.710
bullshit, Rob. We tested them with all coyotes

00:47:37.710 --> 00:47:41.849
and they loved us. Could have maybe been a hyena

00:47:41.849 --> 00:47:49.090
or something. Yeah. Hyenas hate us. They have

00:47:49.090 --> 00:47:52.760
been a cooter. Cougars love it. No, cougars love

00:47:52.760 --> 00:47:55.599
it. Cougars love it. Yes, all kinds. All kinds

00:47:55.599 --> 00:48:00.360
of cougars love it. Yeah, yeah, that's bullshit.

00:48:00.900 --> 00:48:03.880
Coyotes love us. We tested almost 100 % with

00:48:03.880 --> 00:48:07.320
that. Yes, we have. Now, if you said a hyena,

00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:10.079
we'd believe it. We did very poorly with hyenas.

00:48:10.179 --> 00:48:14.840
I don't know why. Yeah, so. They're picky. Yeah,

00:48:14.840 --> 00:48:19.599
and also. Armadillos. We did horrible Armadillos,

00:48:19.739 --> 00:48:22.320
too. I don't know why. So, it could have been

00:48:22.320 --> 00:48:24.659
Armadillo. I think that's just because they don't

00:48:24.659 --> 00:48:27.500
listen. Oh, that's probably why. That's right.

00:48:27.519 --> 00:48:29.420
They can't hear us inside their shell. They just

00:48:29.420 --> 00:48:31.800
do what they do. Yeah, they just kind of walk

00:48:31.800 --> 00:48:34.719
around and look funny, and that's about it. All

00:48:34.719 --> 00:48:38.900
right. Will Topher ever join the Douchebags podcast

00:48:38.900 --> 00:48:42.139
again? I love the Creeps and Bastards, but would

00:48:42.139 --> 00:48:44.559
love to hear him on some stories like you used

00:48:44.559 --> 00:48:47.900
to, Dolly and Fort Osage. I imagine he'll probably

00:48:47.900 --> 00:48:50.019
come on here sometime with us. He doesn't have

00:48:50.019 --> 00:48:51.900
anything against it, and we certainly love him.

00:48:52.139 --> 00:48:54.659
Right, right. But I can't tell you when. I mean,

00:48:54.739 --> 00:48:56.760
you know, Topher's got to have some time to dedicate

00:48:56.760 --> 00:48:59.000
to it. You know, we take up a full day doing

00:48:59.000 --> 00:49:02.099
that down at the river market. So, you know,

00:49:02.099 --> 00:49:03.840
we're already taking one day out of his whole

00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:08.880
thing. And at the same time, I'm trying to...

00:49:09.340 --> 00:49:13.079
find time to get on the music creeps too so i

00:49:13.079 --> 00:49:15.280
know the feeling we can't wait to have rob on

00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:17.099
the music creeps i can tell you that right now

00:49:17.099 --> 00:49:20.500
because uh he is our country connection and our

00:49:20.500 --> 00:49:24.940
southern rock connection so okay i need to get

00:49:24.940 --> 00:49:27.340
back to it i've been kind of absent for music

00:49:27.340 --> 00:49:31.320
creeps lately um do you want to go ahead and

00:49:31.320 --> 00:49:38.960
go into fuck hammer's top seven songs Yep, that

00:49:38.960 --> 00:49:46.639
is it. Okay, yeah, then definitely. Mitch. Yeah,

00:49:46.679 --> 00:49:54.940
Mitch. This was Mitch's list. All right, Rob,

00:49:55.179 --> 00:49:57.539
without any further ado, let's hear it. Yes.

00:49:57.679 --> 00:50:04.659
You're ready. Okay, my number seven. Tote, tote,

00:50:04.699 --> 00:50:08.829
pass. It's got a good instrumental. It's got

00:50:08.829 --> 00:50:14.710
a very good instrumental in it. Cool. Number

00:50:14.710 --> 00:50:25.969
six. Candy ass. And at number five, who could

00:50:25.969 --> 00:50:38.389
forget Toss My Cookies. Cool. Number four. Hammer

00:50:38.389 --> 00:50:47.349
me, please. Yeah, it's getting better, Rob. Number

00:50:47.349 --> 00:50:55.030
three. Hammer comes down. Oh, that's my favorite,

00:50:55.090 --> 00:50:58.289
Rob. Oh, that is a great song. Yeah, that is

00:50:58.289 --> 00:51:06.550
a good one. Classic. Instant classic. who could

00:51:06.550 --> 00:51:12.250
forget the iconic fuck this shit. Yes, that's

00:51:12.250 --> 00:51:19.889
what they do for all the encores. And at number

00:51:19.889 --> 00:51:22.929
one, I mean, come on, it was the best song ever.

00:51:23.469 --> 00:51:32.409
Ever. Mitch, you're a bitch. Had to throw it

00:51:32.409 --> 00:51:36.250
in there, man. There you go, Mitch. That's love

00:51:36.250 --> 00:51:39.690
from us. Sorry, Mitch. I love you, Mitch. He

00:51:39.690 --> 00:51:43.610
loves you, and so do I. We both love you. And

00:51:43.610 --> 00:51:45.769
probably millions of douchebags. Well, we probably

00:51:45.769 --> 00:51:48.849
don't have millions. Hundreds of douchebags.

00:51:48.889 --> 00:51:51.789
No, we have quite a few listeners. A lot of douchebags

00:51:51.789 --> 00:51:54.010
probably like you, too. Or assholes, not douchebags,

00:51:54.090 --> 00:51:56.409
assholes. We call them assholes, affectionately.

00:51:56.849 --> 00:52:00.150
All right, my number seven is, who can forget

00:52:00.150 --> 00:52:05.139
the great song, Pinchin' a Loaf? Oh, I know.

00:52:05.260 --> 00:52:07.420
It has that instrumental in there. It's just

00:52:07.420 --> 00:52:12.360
so, oh, yeah. Yeah, it's just a dreamy song.

00:52:12.500 --> 00:52:16.579
I love it. They were very instrumental. They

00:52:16.579 --> 00:52:21.159
really were. Yeah, yes. Number six was their

00:52:21.159 --> 00:52:25.099
diabolical song that really didn't have an explanation.

00:52:25.099 --> 00:52:30.380
It's called Dead Shoebox. And nobody really knew,

00:52:30.539 --> 00:52:33.699
you know. It was just, you know. Hey. I think

00:52:33.699 --> 00:52:36.980
I remember that one. Yeah, yeah. It was off of

00:52:36.980 --> 00:52:43.019
Trashy Horrible Leftover Songs and B -Sides was

00:52:43.019 --> 00:52:44.900
the name of the album. Remember that one? Yeah.

00:52:45.139 --> 00:52:47.780
Okay, yeah, I do. Yeah, now I do remember this

00:52:47.780 --> 00:52:51.480
song. Side one, fourth song. Yeah, yeah. Who

00:52:51.480 --> 00:52:57.960
can forget the iconic anal sex? That thing. Oh.

00:52:58.679 --> 00:53:04.230
Oh, man. Yeah. Never did what I did. Any song

00:53:04.230 --> 00:53:07.610
about butt fucking has got to be a complete classic,

00:53:07.690 --> 00:53:14.909
right? Got to be a classic. And then we can't

00:53:14.909 --> 00:53:16.949
forget about the party song. This is like their

00:53:16.949 --> 00:53:21.570
rock and roll all night. Big Ass Joint. That.

00:53:21.610 --> 00:53:23.909
Oh, hell yeah. And the video where they're passing

00:53:23.909 --> 00:53:26.070
around that Cheech and Chong sized joint. Well,

00:53:26.210 --> 00:53:31.309
yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then we cannot forget.

00:53:32.139 --> 00:53:38.400
The very anthem -like song a lot of teenagers

00:53:38.400 --> 00:53:41.000
still sing it to this day. And that would be

00:53:41.000 --> 00:53:45.800
Crotch Sausage. I mean, that's just... Oh, shit.

00:53:46.179 --> 00:53:49.739
Oh, what a song. What a song. I forgot. This

00:53:49.739 --> 00:53:52.239
is like the third time in the top ten it's on

00:53:52.239 --> 00:53:54.539
the hit. I know. It keeps creeping up there.

00:53:54.579 --> 00:53:56.320
I keep forgetting about it. Billboard's getting

00:53:56.320 --> 00:53:58.159
tired of it, man. It's kind of like Dark Side

00:53:58.159 --> 00:53:59.800
of the Moon. You're like, will they ever forget

00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:04.079
about this song? Well, the answer's no. Number

00:54:04.079 --> 00:54:07.219
two is the good old song you do to wake people

00:54:07.219 --> 00:54:12.539
up. Nutslap. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, Nutslap is

00:54:12.539 --> 00:54:16.679
a great power song. I mean, yeah. I can't forget

00:54:16.679 --> 00:54:19.199
the crunchy guitars and the sound of nuts being

00:54:19.199 --> 00:54:26.199
slapped. It was great. Fucking great. And number

00:54:26.199 --> 00:54:32.280
one, Ass Sweat. That's such a great ballad. Yeah,

00:54:32.519 --> 00:54:36.460
yeah, yeah. Yeah, the ballad. As far as ballads

00:54:36.460 --> 00:54:39.739
go, yeah, that's good. Yeah, Ass Sweat is just

00:54:39.739 --> 00:54:42.119
one of the best ballads ever written. I mean,

00:54:42.139 --> 00:54:45.389
I think, weren't there like several like, They

00:54:45.389 --> 00:54:49.849
won, like, several contests as the best ballad

00:54:49.849 --> 00:54:53.170
ever. Ass Sweat. Something like that. Yeah, I

00:54:53.170 --> 00:54:57.030
thought so. So, all right, Rob, we turn to you.

00:55:00.769 --> 00:55:09.570
Oh, you were talking about... Yeah, it's like

00:55:09.570 --> 00:55:27.940
this. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, that's our dogs

00:55:27.940 --> 00:55:32.280
are, too. The only one that doesn't get mad is

00:55:32.280 --> 00:55:34.599
a pug in our house, but go ahead. I'm sorry.

00:55:42.639 --> 00:56:14.000
Uh -huh. Uh -huh. I go right back to sleep, and

00:56:14.000 --> 00:56:16.599
I didn't think nothing of it. Uh -huh. Next morning,

00:56:16.679 --> 00:56:21.380
I wake up. Dude, there is a slice in the side

00:56:21.380 --> 00:56:23.860
of my toe where his tooth went in my damn big

00:56:23.860 --> 00:56:27.039
toe. He was pissed. And I looked on his sheets.

00:56:27.239 --> 00:56:29.480
There was blood on his sheets. I'm like, what

00:56:29.480 --> 00:56:33.960
the? Dude. Boss is the boss. I need to get him

00:56:33.960 --> 00:56:36.400
some anger management classes or something. Jeez,

00:56:36.400 --> 00:56:49.039
yeah, I think. Doesn't he know who feeds him?

00:56:50.179 --> 00:56:56.880
I guess so. That would probably be something

00:56:56.880 --> 00:56:59.420
like Foster and Tucker would do to us. They cannot

00:56:59.420 --> 00:57:02.280
stand it when you touch them at night. They'll

00:57:02.280 --> 00:57:09.920
jump up growling and ready to kill. Wow. Alright.

00:57:14.970 --> 00:57:19.289
Okay. Do you know who Nick Jonas is? Yeah, yeah,

00:57:19.329 --> 00:57:23.130
the Jonas Brothers. Jonas Brothers, yeah. I don't

00:57:23.130 --> 00:57:25.449
know if you're going to believe this one. Okay,

00:57:25.510 --> 00:57:28.289
try me. This one caught me off guard because

00:57:28.289 --> 00:57:32.710
I didn't hear about it until now. Okay. Nick

00:57:32.710 --> 00:57:37.530
Jonas is going to need a lot of work on his Starchild

00:57:37.530 --> 00:57:45.889
makeup. Okay. where I'm going here. Jonas, who

00:57:45.889 --> 00:57:49.550
became a music superstar in his own right with

00:57:49.550 --> 00:57:53.389
the Jonas Brothers nearly 20 years ago, is in

00:57:53.389 --> 00:57:57.769
final negotiations to portray lead singer Paul

00:57:57.769 --> 00:58:02.570
Stanley in an upcoming biopic on the band Kiss.

00:58:02.969 --> 00:58:12.610
I think that's awesome! And he might do good.

00:58:12.630 --> 00:58:16.070
He might do good. Hey, he can sing. Paul Stanley

00:58:16.070 --> 00:58:19.070
can sing. He can perform. I bet you it's going

00:58:19.070 --> 00:58:24.630
to work out well. Yeah. Deadline reports the

00:58:24.630 --> 00:58:28.349
movie titled Shout It Out Loud is scheduled to

00:58:28.349 --> 00:58:34.449
begin production at the end of 2026. So it won't

00:58:34.449 --> 00:58:36.929
be out until 2027. We've got to wait a little

00:58:36.929 --> 00:58:39.510
while, but you know what? I guess we'll have

00:58:39.510 --> 00:58:45.130
to. Yeah. Jonas reportedly will do his own singing

00:58:45.130 --> 00:58:50.409
in the film. Okay. So he's going to sing Paul's

00:58:50.409 --> 00:58:56.110
favorite parts. Very cool. The Holiday Reporter

00:58:56.110 --> 00:59:00.610
says castings still is underway for other members

00:59:00.610 --> 00:59:03.429
of the band, including band -based player Gene

00:59:03.429 --> 00:59:09.530
Simmons. Okay. I wonder who's going to play Gene.

00:59:14.980 --> 00:59:18.360
Yeah, he is the only one they're talking about

00:59:18.360 --> 00:59:22.760
casting so far. Okay, just Paul Stanley. Yeah,

00:59:23.199 --> 00:59:25.460
that's pretty much what I was asking. Okay, gotcha.

00:59:27.699 --> 00:59:33.099
I think that might work out. Of course, it remains

00:59:33.099 --> 00:59:35.199
to be seen, but I think that might work out.

00:59:38.340 --> 00:59:44.769
I do, too. Yeah, he's a very talented guy. I

00:59:44.769 --> 00:59:47.449
mean, they're a boy band or a girl band or whatever.

00:59:47.530 --> 00:59:50.570
I know this. They're teeny bop, but they are

00:59:50.570 --> 00:59:53.389
still talented. Nick Jonas is probably the most

00:59:53.389 --> 00:59:56.269
talented out of all of them, so I'm all for it.

00:59:56.289 --> 01:00:01.849
I want to see it. Oh, now, this report is saying

01:00:01.849 --> 01:00:05.329
it's going into production late 2025 or early

01:00:05.329 --> 01:00:09.489
2026. Okay, even better. We'll get to see it

01:00:09.489 --> 01:00:14.119
sooner. Okay. Well, thank you, Rob. That's a

01:00:14.119 --> 01:00:16.840
pretty cool story right there. I always love

01:00:16.840 --> 01:00:19.159
biopics. Ozzy's supposed to be coming out with

01:00:19.159 --> 01:00:22.280
one. Sharon and Ozzy about him and, you know,

01:00:22.280 --> 01:00:25.000
when they met and he was all fucked up and Sharon

01:00:25.000 --> 01:00:28.320
had to, like, rehab him and all this stuff. I

01:00:28.320 --> 01:00:32.800
mean, it's going to be really good when it comes

01:00:32.800 --> 01:00:37.800
out. So, all right. You want to do 7 -Eleven

01:00:37.800 --> 01:00:43.460
Taquitos versus? Sounds good. All right. Well,

01:00:43.539 --> 01:00:47.059
this is food wars. Okay. This whole thing, this

01:00:47.059 --> 01:00:50.360
whole segment started, um, quite a while ago

01:00:50.360 --> 01:00:53.760
now where, um, I was walking through Costco and

01:00:53.760 --> 01:00:56.460
I, um, was going through the produce section

01:00:56.460 --> 01:00:58.840
and I see an orange or something like that, or

01:00:58.840 --> 01:01:00.760
a banana. And I'm like, man, what would happen

01:01:00.760 --> 01:01:02.980
if that orange jumped out and start kicking the

01:01:02.980 --> 01:01:05.500
shit out of those grapes? Who would win? Because

01:01:05.500 --> 01:01:08.019
yeah, that's, that's what I do. I think a weird

01:01:08.019 --> 01:01:11.110
shit like that. So this is where this came from.

01:01:11.150 --> 01:01:15.329
So we pose a match, and then we debate over who's

01:01:15.329 --> 01:01:18.929
going to win it. So, okay. So this is 7 -Eleven

01:01:18.929 --> 01:01:21.889
taquitos versus all other foods. So I'm going

01:01:21.889 --> 01:01:24.170
to start this one off. How about a 7 -Eleven

01:01:24.170 --> 01:01:34.369
taquito versus pepperoni rolls? 7 -Eleven taquito?

01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:37.840
Yeah, because they are spicy and they have that

01:01:37.840 --> 01:01:40.679
hard wrapper on them. I think they could jump

01:01:40.679 --> 01:01:43.039
and club the piss out of the pepperoni roll and

01:01:43.039 --> 01:01:45.500
smash it and the inside pepperoni would squish

01:01:45.500 --> 01:01:51.920
out, right? Yeah. How about a 7 -Eleven taquito

01:01:51.920 --> 01:02:02.800
versus a volcano lava five -star chili? Okay,

01:02:02.820 --> 01:02:05.409
that would be a close one. Yeah, I think the

01:02:05.409 --> 01:02:07.349
chili's going to win because I think the chili

01:02:07.349 --> 01:02:12.369
can jump on top of him and burn him. Yeah, I

01:02:12.369 --> 01:02:15.730
might do chili on that one. Okay, all right.

01:02:15.750 --> 01:02:20.449
Well, the volcano lava five -star chili, which

01:02:20.449 --> 01:02:24.170
is actually really a chili. Look it up. We'll

01:02:24.170 --> 01:02:28.429
win. All right. How about a 7 -Eleven taquito

01:02:28.429 --> 01:02:33.570
versus a good old lovable corn dog? Taquito.

01:02:34.110 --> 01:02:38.409
Taquito. Taquito, yeah. Yep. Here's another one

01:02:38.409 --> 01:02:41.269
very similar, but you know what? It wants a fight,

01:02:41.429 --> 01:02:44.690
so we're going to have to mention it. How about

01:02:44.690 --> 01:02:47.429
a 7 -Eleven taquito versus pigs in a blanket?

01:02:51.710 --> 01:02:56.730
Thanks for coming, pigs. You get a consolary

01:02:56.730 --> 01:02:58.969
prize on the way out. See you. Have a good one.

01:02:59.429 --> 01:03:03.800
You get something just for showing up. Yes, yes,

01:03:03.840 --> 01:03:05.820
you're going to get a complimentary prize just

01:03:05.820 --> 01:03:07.719
for getting your ass whipped by the 7 -Eleven

01:03:07.719 --> 01:03:13.179
taquito. Next one, 7 -Eleven taquito versus teriyaki

01:03:13.179 --> 01:03:18.719
chicken. I know, that's kind of interesting,

01:03:18.900 --> 01:03:24.519
isn't it? I'm going to have to give it to the

01:03:24.519 --> 01:03:29.360
taquitos. Okay, I think so too. Just because

01:03:29.360 --> 01:03:32.360
of the cheap ass burn you get afterwards. Well,

01:03:32.460 --> 01:03:36.039
let me pose this, though. Teriyaki is Asian,

01:03:36.179 --> 01:03:39.699
right? Well, they know jiu -jitsu. A lot of them

01:03:39.699 --> 01:03:42.639
do. They know martial arts. Could the teriyaki

01:03:42.639 --> 01:03:48.119
chicken maybe know jiu -jitsu or something? It

01:03:48.119 --> 01:03:51.579
might, but... You think a sublimed taquito is

01:03:51.579 --> 01:03:53.619
a street fighter? I think a cheap taquito is

01:03:53.619 --> 01:03:55.820
going to give you the aspirin. You know what?

01:03:55.920 --> 01:03:57.840
They'll give you the aspirin, and plus, they

01:03:57.840 --> 01:04:01.079
are a... They are a mean food. I mean, they are

01:04:01.079 --> 01:04:04.039
like, they are bad news. They're the people,

01:04:04.219 --> 01:04:06.420
they're the ones in the corner looking dangerous

01:04:06.420 --> 01:04:08.900
that you want to stay away from. They'll put

01:04:08.900 --> 01:04:10.780
their cigarette out in your eye just for the

01:04:10.780 --> 01:04:15.179
hell of it. So, how about a 7 -Eleven taquito

01:04:15.179 --> 01:04:20.559
versus pigs in a blanket? Oh, wait, I already

01:04:20.559 --> 01:04:24.460
did that. Fuck. What am I saying? A 7 -Eleven

01:04:24.460 --> 01:04:31.320
taquito versus bean and red chili burrito. I

01:04:31.320 --> 01:04:33.139
almost want to go with burrito because I think

01:04:33.139 --> 01:04:35.760
the size and the thickness of it could jump on

01:04:35.760 --> 01:04:38.960
top of taquito. Yeah, I think, yeah, we're going

01:04:38.960 --> 01:04:43.199
to do that to burrito. Okay, all right. The bean

01:04:43.199 --> 01:04:45.480
and red chili burrito, she'll be the victor.

01:04:46.300 --> 01:04:48.420
This next one's really interesting. It depends

01:04:48.420 --> 01:04:50.619
on how you look at it. So, all right, Lou, we'll

01:04:50.619 --> 01:04:52.860
have to talk this over. How about a 7 -layer

01:04:52.860 --> 01:05:03.329
taquito versus 7 -layer dip? Yeah, yeah, the

01:05:03.329 --> 01:05:06.489
dip will jump on it and smother it. So, okay.

01:05:06.650 --> 01:05:09.449
And plus, it has seven layers. I mean, it's going

01:05:09.449 --> 01:05:13.630
to be hard to beat that. So, how about a seven

01:05:13.630 --> 01:05:17.349
-layer taquito versus grilled Polish sausage?

01:05:23.650 --> 01:05:26.269
Okay, you made a battle with saying grilled.

01:05:27.110 --> 01:05:29.710
Yes, it's grilled. That's why I put grilled in

01:05:29.710 --> 01:05:34.059
it. Yeah, grilled's tough because... I think

01:05:34.059 --> 01:05:36.420
being grilled, you would have to give it to the

01:05:36.420 --> 01:05:38.800
Polish sausage. I think so, too, because it just

01:05:38.800 --> 01:05:41.320
came off of a fire. It's snapping mad. It's ready

01:05:41.320 --> 01:05:43.639
to kill. And then the taquito comes up there

01:05:43.639 --> 01:05:47.239
fucking with it. Okay, that's a battle right

01:05:47.239 --> 01:05:49.880
there on top. Yeah, I'm going to go grilled Polish

01:05:49.880 --> 01:05:52.179
sausage because after you get burnt like that,

01:05:52.239 --> 01:05:54.699
you don't give a shit. You know, you're snapping

01:05:54.699 --> 01:05:57.900
mad. You're ready to kill. All right, is it agreed?

01:05:59.780 --> 01:06:02.610
Yes. Alright, grilled Polish sausage will win.

01:06:03.210 --> 01:06:07.110
How about a 7 -Eleven taquito versus crab legs?

01:06:11.969 --> 01:06:16.090
Can a crab leg maybe jump up and smack them with

01:06:16.090 --> 01:06:20.650
the little horny part? Horny? Horn part? You

01:06:20.650 --> 01:06:22.550
know, where they have the little horns coming

01:06:22.550 --> 01:06:29.599
out of the bottom of the crab legs? I was thinking

01:06:29.599 --> 01:06:38.760
that possibly if there was, like, some, like,

01:06:38.900 --> 01:06:44.659
ligaments or something in it. Maybe. Might make

01:06:44.659 --> 01:06:51.159
the pictures work again. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You

01:06:51.159 --> 01:06:54.460
know, like, bad people can kick, you know. Okay,

01:06:54.539 --> 01:06:56.940
I'm thinking crab legs could do that. So I'm

01:06:56.940 --> 01:06:59.639
thinking a crab leg will kill a taquito. It will

01:06:59.639 --> 01:07:02.739
slice it in half. Yeah, it'll reach up and clamp

01:07:02.739 --> 01:07:05.460
down on that claw, I think. Yeah, it'll slice

01:07:05.460 --> 01:07:07.659
it right in half. It's a final battle. If it's

01:07:07.659 --> 01:07:10.639
a final battle, it will go down. It will. I agree.

01:07:10.880 --> 01:07:16.079
All right. How about sublime taquito versus a

01:07:16.079 --> 01:07:21.239
fully loaded twice -baked potato? You know, that's

01:07:21.239 --> 01:07:23.340
kind of, you know, at first I thought the taquito

01:07:23.340 --> 01:07:25.460
was going to win, but that twice -baked potato

01:07:25.460 --> 01:07:28.920
is hot. It has hot butter in it. It has, like,

01:07:29.019 --> 01:07:32.059
bacon bits, you know, all that stuff. Yeah, the

01:07:32.059 --> 01:07:34.719
bacon, yeah. Yeah, so I'm going to kind of go

01:07:34.719 --> 01:07:38.139
with the fully -loaded twice -baked potato. Yeah,

01:07:38.199 --> 01:07:40.780
I might go with that. All right, and then finally,

01:07:41.019 --> 01:07:49.519
a sublime taquito versus a spicy Rotel dip. Yep,

01:07:49.760 --> 01:07:53.500
man. You know, I thought 7 -11 taquitos were

01:07:53.500 --> 01:07:55.960
tough until we did this. Now I realize they're

01:07:55.960 --> 01:08:01.860
kind of ordinary. Yeah. Man, they just got their

01:08:01.860 --> 01:08:08.239
ass run. Wow. I like that list. What do you think?

01:08:09.420 --> 01:08:12.960
Oh, yeah. I loved it. Like I said, I figured

01:08:12.960 --> 01:08:17.399
taquitos would be whipping ass. Me too. No, we

01:08:17.399 --> 01:08:19.979
analyzed it, man. Taquitos are tough, but, man,

01:08:20.020 --> 01:08:23.180
there's a lot of stuff tougher than them. Yeah.

01:08:23.319 --> 01:08:28.319
Yeah. So, like, I mean, well, anyhow, let's take

01:08:28.319 --> 01:08:30.180
our second break, and we'll come back with something

01:08:30.180 --> 01:08:33.279
you want to talk about. Rob, you like that? Yeah.

01:08:33.300 --> 01:08:37.000
And then we'll go into the story that I said

01:08:37.000 --> 01:08:41.479
that Ronnie and Tulsa, the Tulsa King, would

01:08:41.479 --> 01:08:44.819
want to hear, or maybe not want to hear. So we'll

01:08:44.819 --> 01:08:50.189
be right back. Please remember to go to Cole's

01:08:50.189 --> 01:08:52.250
dressing room, wait five minutes, and scream,

01:08:52.569 --> 01:09:00.729
Hey, there's no toilet paper in here! Now, from

01:09:00.729 --> 01:09:03.789
his underground bunker in Camden, Missouri, stocked

01:09:03.789 --> 01:09:06.430
full of dried goods, canned food, and a couple

01:09:06.430 --> 01:09:10.010
of vibrating toys, is Ramblings of a Madman,

01:09:10.210 --> 01:09:15.310
featuring Rob Rad. My mechanic told me I couldn't

01:09:15.310 --> 01:09:18.970
repair your brakes. So I made you warm water.

01:09:20.210 --> 01:09:24.909
Good job. Now it's time for Pick Up Lines from

01:09:24.909 --> 01:09:30.029
a Loser. Hey girl, are you a beaver? Cause damn.

01:09:34.430 --> 01:09:36.890
Miss Gulkenstein was tired of Mark and Toe for

01:09:36.890 --> 01:09:39.529
making sport of her. Little did the douchebags

01:09:39.529 --> 01:09:42.409
know Miss Gulkenstein was a voodoo high priestess

01:09:42.409 --> 01:09:45.930
when she was younger. She grew angry and cast

01:09:45.930 --> 01:09:48.989
a spell on Rob. Changing Rob into a capuchin

01:09:48.989 --> 01:09:53.569
monkey. Mark took Rob to a local zoo so he could

01:09:53.569 --> 01:09:55.970
be with the other monkeys. Here are the adventures

01:09:55.970 --> 01:10:02.390
of Rob, the capuchin monkey. Shh, be very quiet.

01:10:02.890 --> 01:10:05.489
We're going to listen in as Rob, the capuchin

01:10:05.489 --> 01:10:07.569
monkey, tries to sell the rest of the capuchin

01:10:07.569 --> 01:10:10.409
monkeys Amway. Rob has always dreamed of becoming

01:10:10.409 --> 01:10:13.890
a diamond status Amway as a capuchin monkey.

01:10:34.699 --> 01:10:38.439
Little did our hero Rob know. All the great apes

01:10:38.439 --> 01:10:40.699
owned stock in Sam's Club and became violently

01:10:40.699 --> 01:10:42.760
pissed off when he tried to infringe on their

01:10:42.760 --> 01:10:45.460
territory. They promptly grabbed switches and

01:10:45.460 --> 01:10:48.060
beat his ass for three days straight. Rob could

01:10:48.060 --> 01:10:53.800
not sit down. Why, Whataburger, you say? Well,

01:10:53.819 --> 01:10:57.500
because what a deep -fried crispy chicken nugget

01:10:57.500 --> 01:11:12.609
just didn't have the right ring. I'm operating

01:11:12.609 --> 01:11:15.189
here on the extreme southern tip of the Kansas

01:11:15.189 --> 01:11:20.869
City Metroplex. And I am Rob on the beautiful

01:11:20.869 --> 01:11:24.189
nine lawn of Lake Diocese. By the way, my name

01:11:24.189 --> 01:11:25.869
is Mark. I'm not sure if I said that or not.

01:11:26.029 --> 01:11:28.050
So if I didn't, there you go. If I did, then

01:11:28.050 --> 01:11:32.829
you heard it twice. Rob, we turn to you. All

01:11:32.829 --> 01:11:36.810
right. A suspect has been arrested in connection

01:11:36.810 --> 01:11:39.609
with the theft of an electric guitar in Mandalay.

01:11:40.649 --> 01:11:44.310
Taken from the band Heart before they performed

01:11:44.310 --> 01:11:48.430
at Hard Rock Atlantic City on Friday, May 30th.

01:11:48.470 --> 01:11:53.289
Oh, wow. Yeah, somebody stole a guitar and a

01:11:53.289 --> 01:11:58.810
mandolin. Atlantic City Police charged Garfield

01:11:58.810 --> 01:12:03.050
Bennett, a 57 -year -old resident of Pleasantville,

01:12:03.149 --> 01:12:07.289
New Jersey, with burglary and theft on Wednesday,

01:12:07.449 --> 01:12:12.090
June 4th. He was spotted on camera attempting

01:12:12.090 --> 01:12:16.670
to sell the instruments in Atlantic City. Then

01:12:16.670 --> 01:12:19.229
it matched the description of the man seen in

01:12:19.229 --> 01:12:22.770
Simeo's video captured at the Hard Rocks at his

01:12:22.770 --> 01:12:26.989
arena. Hard guitarist Nancy Wilson lost a custom

01:12:26.989 --> 01:12:31.130
baritone Telecaster Fender with a purple sparkle

01:12:31.130 --> 01:12:35.449
finish and a multicolored design on the headstock.

01:12:36.050 --> 01:12:41.449
While band member Paul Boak was robbed of a 1966

01:12:41.449 --> 01:12:47.489
Gibson EN -50 mandolin he's performed with for

01:12:47.489 --> 01:12:52.810
more than 25 years. Oh, wow. Neither instrument

01:12:52.810 --> 01:12:56.909
has been recovered. Police say Bennett sold one

01:12:56.909 --> 01:13:01.069
of them to an unknown buyer and have not determined

01:13:01.069 --> 01:13:04.229
what became of the other. They're asking whoever

01:13:04.229 --> 01:13:12.420
has it. Come forward and surrender them or face

01:13:12.420 --> 01:13:15.520
arrest and charges for receiving stolen property.

01:13:16.619 --> 01:13:22.479
I think they'll get them back. Oh. Yeah, I hope

01:13:22.479 --> 01:13:25.079
so, too. Man, that sucks. That's shit, isn't

01:13:25.079 --> 01:13:31.739
it? Yeah. I mean, that's two iconic instruments,

01:13:32.119 --> 01:13:36.479
man. I know. Wow. How do you even think you're

01:13:36.479 --> 01:13:38.810
going to get away with something like that? I

01:13:38.810 --> 01:13:40.649
know, because if you sell it, someone's going

01:13:40.649 --> 01:13:43.149
to notice it. I mean, you know, they're too popular

01:13:43.149 --> 01:13:46.869
still to this day, a popular band. And word like

01:13:46.869 --> 01:13:49.609
that gets around quick. Look at Zach Wild's guitar

01:13:49.609 --> 01:13:52.850
that was stolen. He got it back like a year later

01:13:52.850 --> 01:13:58.149
or something. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that.

01:13:58.189 --> 01:14:02.250
Yeah, something like that. So, wow. All right.

01:14:03.289 --> 01:14:14.880
Tulsa King, Ronnie in Tulsa. All right. Okay.

01:14:36.489 --> 01:14:40.789
in sitcom parks and recreation. His husband,

01:14:40.949 --> 01:14:43.890
Tristan Kern D. Gonzalez, said a man started

01:14:43.890 --> 01:14:46.909
yelling violent homophobic slurs and then opened

01:14:46.909 --> 01:14:49.770
fire when they were visiting their former home,

01:14:49.970 --> 01:14:53.689
which was destroyed in a fire in January. Police

01:14:53.689 --> 01:14:56.869
in Texas said despite online claims of this being

01:14:56.869 --> 01:15:00.069
a hate crime, currently the investigation has

01:15:00.069 --> 01:15:02.489
found no evidence to indicate that Mr. Joss'

01:15:02.550 --> 01:15:04.869
murder was related to his sexual orientation.

01:15:06.350 --> 01:15:08.430
The shooting happened when the couple went back

01:15:08.430 --> 01:15:10.810
to the site of their old house, which was burned

01:15:10.810 --> 01:15:13.430
down after over two years of threats from people

01:15:13.430 --> 01:15:15.949
in the area who reportedly told us they would

01:15:15.949 --> 01:15:19.569
settle on fire, Gonzalez wrote on Facebook. When

01:15:19.569 --> 01:15:22.210
we returned to the site to check our mail, we

01:15:22.210 --> 01:15:24.630
discovered the skull of one of our dogs and its

01:15:24.630 --> 01:15:27.609
harness placed in clear view. It's caused both

01:15:27.609 --> 01:15:30.569
of us severe emotional distress. We began yelling

01:15:30.569 --> 01:15:32.770
and crying in response to the pain of what we

01:15:32.770 --> 01:15:35.409
saw, he wrote. While we were doing this, a man

01:15:35.409 --> 01:15:38.689
approached us. He started yelling violent homophobic

01:15:38.689 --> 01:15:41.729
slurs at us, then raised a gun from his lap and

01:15:41.729 --> 01:15:46.569
fired. Jonathan and I had no weapons. We were

01:15:46.569 --> 01:15:49.489
not threatening anyone. We were grieving. We

01:15:49.489 --> 01:15:51.810
were standing side by side when the man fired.

01:15:52.029 --> 01:15:54.770
Jonathan pushed me out of the way. He saved my

01:15:54.770 --> 01:15:58.100
life. Gonzalez added that Josh gave me more love

01:15:58.100 --> 01:16:00.920
in our time together than most people ever get,

01:16:01.039 --> 01:16:03.079
and that's why we were in the process of looking

01:16:03.079 --> 01:16:06.140
for a trailer after getting married on Valentine's

01:16:06.140 --> 01:16:09.079
Day. I was with him when he passed. I told him

01:16:09.079 --> 01:16:15.579
how much he was loved. That's horrible. Yeah,

01:16:15.579 --> 01:16:21.500
I had that story, but you brought it to us. Well,

01:16:21.640 --> 01:16:25.819
did you know that... That is sad, man. Tulsa

01:16:25.819 --> 01:16:27.899
King did not know that because I asked him if

01:16:27.899 --> 01:16:32.340
he wouldn't care if I read that story, and he

01:16:32.340 --> 01:16:34.920
said no. He already knew about it, but he said

01:16:34.920 --> 01:16:38.199
read it because a lot of people don't know. Right.

01:16:38.899 --> 01:16:44.340
Yeah, I mean, look, whether it was against homosexuals

01:16:44.340 --> 01:16:47.039
or not, I don't know. Could have been a hate

01:16:47.039 --> 01:16:50.079
crime, but it was a fucking hate crime because

01:16:50.079 --> 01:16:53.100
if you murder someone, I think that's a hate

01:16:53.100 --> 01:16:58.539
crime too. Yeah, that is fucking sad that someone

01:16:58.539 --> 01:17:01.819
would do that. You know, and if all that other

01:17:01.819 --> 01:17:04.579
stuff happened, I'd feel for those guys because

01:17:04.579 --> 01:17:10.560
that's horrible. So I would hope that the, I

01:17:10.560 --> 01:17:14.760
think, San Antonio Police Department would recognize

01:17:14.760 --> 01:17:16.699
if something like this happened. But at the very

01:17:16.699 --> 01:17:19.619
least, that guy needs to go to jail and stay

01:17:19.619 --> 01:17:24.890
there. So anyhow, sad day. Rob? We turn to you.

01:17:27.369 --> 01:17:32.729
Okay. Miami Marlins pitcher Ryan Weathers took

01:17:32.729 --> 01:17:35.890
some friendly fire on Sarri from his own catcher.

01:17:38.210 --> 01:17:41.670
Just after Weathers had delivered his final warm

01:17:41.670 --> 01:17:45.569
-up pitch before Sarri's start against the Tampa

01:17:45.569 --> 01:17:49.029
Bay Rays at George M. Steinberger Field in Tampa,

01:17:49.130 --> 01:17:54.140
Florida, this catcher, Nick Fortes, Thrilled

01:17:54.140 --> 01:17:58.560
him in the head. Cortez was trying to throw the

01:17:58.560 --> 01:18:01.899
ball down to second base, but he caught Weathers

01:18:01.899 --> 01:18:05.399
right in the head instead. Weathers went down

01:18:05.399 --> 01:18:10.079
in a heap, was able to recover and start the

01:18:10.079 --> 01:18:14.819
game anyway. Okay, that's cool. I'm glad he was

01:18:14.819 --> 01:18:17.979
able to start the game. Honestly, I'm surprised

01:18:17.979 --> 01:18:22.140
that don't happen more often. I bet it does,

01:18:22.340 --> 01:18:26.579
it's just not worthy. Yeah. Most of the time

01:18:26.579 --> 01:18:28.239
it's not worthy of mention. I guess they dropped

01:18:28.239 --> 01:18:34.359
this guy. Wow, yeah. That's why it got pub. Yeah,

01:18:34.359 --> 01:18:38.180
and it went in to say he was lucky that it was

01:18:38.180 --> 01:18:41.039
just after warm -up because the catcher wasn't

01:18:41.039 --> 01:18:44.100
giving his all. Because if that catcher was trying

01:18:44.100 --> 01:18:47.039
to throw the second to get somebody out, that

01:18:47.039 --> 01:18:49.890
really would have hurt that pitcher. Yeah, it

01:18:49.890 --> 01:18:51.949
might have done it. He would have had a lot more

01:18:51.949 --> 01:18:54.289
fire on that throat. Yeah, it could have been

01:18:54.289 --> 01:18:57.430
brain bleed. It could be anything. A close head

01:18:57.430 --> 01:18:59.670
injury is not good. It could have been much worse.

01:19:00.130 --> 01:19:02.829
Yeah, it could have been a lot worse. Wow. All

01:19:02.829 --> 01:19:09.069
right. Thank you, Rob. There's a guy that wrote

01:19:09.069 --> 01:19:13.590
over 30 ,000 wills, and he wrote not a book but

01:19:13.590 --> 01:19:16.869
an online memoir of some of the strangest requests.

01:19:17.720 --> 01:19:22.260
You want to hear them? Sure. All right. A couple

01:19:22.260 --> 01:19:26.100
who set up their own wheel riding company have

01:19:26.100 --> 01:19:28.640
told us all the stranger requests they have received,

01:19:28.760 --> 01:19:33.520
including being paid in crabs. Robert and Gil

01:19:33.520 --> 01:19:36.760
Phipps set up Pembroke Hill Riders in 2000 with

01:19:36.760 --> 01:19:39.239
a secondhand laptop and a printer in the dining

01:19:39.239 --> 01:19:43.460
room of their home. Here are some of their stories

01:19:43.460 --> 01:19:45.859
that they collected over the years of doing this.

01:19:46.470 --> 01:19:49.069
One man paid a portion of his fee in a live crab.

01:19:49.390 --> 01:19:51.710
I felt so bad for the animal, I couldn't eat

01:19:51.710 --> 01:19:54.850
it. I said, if anyone reports someone acted suspicious,

01:19:55.390 --> 01:19:57.770
it's just me putting the crab back into the sea.

01:19:59.529 --> 01:20:02.430
Because of client confidentiality, Robert said

01:20:02.430 --> 01:20:05.270
he can't go into many details, but he says it's

01:20:05.270 --> 01:20:07.909
often tricky to marry people's requests with

01:20:07.909 --> 01:20:11.069
what is legally possible. For example, he once

01:20:11.069 --> 01:20:13.409
had a mom who wanted to ensure her sons didn't

01:20:13.409 --> 01:20:15.470
spend their inheritance on fast cars and fast

01:20:15.470 --> 01:20:19.840
women. He said, who defines fast women? I tried

01:20:19.840 --> 01:20:22.039
to explain that you can't really put that in

01:20:22.039 --> 01:20:25.500
a will. All that will happen is there'll be endless

01:20:25.500 --> 01:20:28.319
court arguments over what counts as fast car

01:20:28.319 --> 01:20:32.920
or fast women. One person wanted us to leave

01:20:32.920 --> 01:20:35.180
a chunk of his money to a complete stranger who

01:20:35.180 --> 01:20:38.100
looked rather poor. We couldn't legally do that,

01:20:38.140 --> 01:20:40.239
so we left that portion to an animal shelter.

01:20:40.979 --> 01:20:43.619
Another had his children play a game of Twister.

01:20:44.250 --> 01:20:46.970
to determine who got the boat and who got the

01:20:46.970 --> 01:20:51.010
house and who got the car and accounts and so

01:20:51.010 --> 01:20:53.869
forth. The man didn't want everything sold and

01:20:53.869 --> 01:20:56.710
then divided so he chose to make them play a

01:20:56.710 --> 01:20:59.649
game of twister and according to however they

01:20:59.649 --> 01:21:03.670
did is what they won. The strangest, and we could

01:21:03.670 --> 01:21:06.329
accommodate this request, a bouncy house full

01:21:06.329 --> 01:21:08.909
of 20 -pound notes. The object, this is from

01:21:08.909 --> 01:21:11.510
England, the object was all the family who received

01:21:11.510 --> 01:21:14.189
inheritance would have three minutes to stuff

01:21:14.189 --> 01:21:16.970
as many in a pillowcase as possible. What was

01:21:16.970 --> 01:21:19.670
left went to charities of the children's request.

01:21:20.310 --> 01:21:23.130
And there are many more we might write a book

01:21:23.130 --> 01:21:28.229
perhaps someday. All right. Interesting ones.

01:21:33.770 --> 01:21:35.989
Rob, you got something? You want to wrap this

01:21:35.989 --> 01:21:39.470
bitch up? What do you want to do? Actually, yeah.

01:21:39.529 --> 01:21:43.010
I do have to make a note before I go into my

01:21:43.010 --> 01:21:47.529
next story. Okay. You know how I mentioned that

01:21:47.529 --> 01:21:52.189
they were coming out with a free bird video from

01:21:52.189 --> 01:21:56.250
Leonard Skinner? Yeah. I actually got to watch

01:21:56.250 --> 01:21:59.510
it the other morning. How was it? Friday morning.

01:21:59.850 --> 01:22:05.539
Honestly, man. It's like a video that we would

01:22:05.539 --> 01:22:07.260
have thought they would have made years ago.

01:22:07.520 --> 01:22:10.420
I mean, same storyline, everything. It's just

01:22:10.420 --> 01:22:14.260
the vehicles were newer, you know? Awesome. It

01:22:14.260 --> 01:22:17.920
would have been the same storyline. It's a great

01:22:17.920 --> 01:22:21.659
video. It goes right along with the song, just

01:22:21.659 --> 01:22:27.039
like I said. Okay. But unfortunately, it's 40

01:22:27.039 --> 01:22:31.800
years too late, but oh well. Okay. All right.

01:22:34.790 --> 01:22:39.789
Okay. No, I was saying go ahead. Yeah. On another

01:22:39.789 --> 01:22:45.289
note, one man recently accepted a peculiar food

01:22:45.289 --> 01:22:50.310
challenge. Go to Arby's and get the least ordered

01:22:50.310 --> 01:22:55.270
item. The sandwich has him rethinking everything

01:22:55.270 --> 01:23:00.550
he knows about Arby's. Late May, TikToker Anthony

01:23:00.550 --> 01:23:05.729
Villegas posted a video reply to a comment challenging

01:23:05.729 --> 01:23:08.689
them to try the least popular item at Arby's.

01:23:08.970 --> 01:23:13.130
And the TikTok, Villagus, films the entire experience.

01:23:14.250 --> 01:23:17.649
He pulls into the drive -thru and asks the worker

01:23:17.649 --> 01:23:21.609
on the intercom which item people order least

01:23:21.609 --> 01:23:26.770
often. After he paused, the worker says it's

01:23:26.770 --> 01:23:31.859
the chicken cordon bleu sandwich. Okay. They

01:23:31.859 --> 01:23:38.439
do have. After he gets the sandwich, Villica

01:23:38.439 --> 01:23:42.819
opens it up and shows the camera the fried piece

01:23:42.819 --> 01:23:46.600
of chicken topped with ham, Swiss, and a layer

01:23:46.600 --> 01:23:51.100
of mayonnaise on a real spot. Sounds good to

01:23:51.100 --> 01:23:56.340
me. And then he takes a bite. You can't believe

01:23:56.340 --> 01:24:20.729
how good it is. What is this sauce? Yeah. Wow.

01:24:31.210 --> 01:24:36.829
Yeah, man. You never know what you have on the

01:24:36.829 --> 01:24:40.850
menu. Try everything, guys. Yeah. He asked for

01:24:40.850 --> 01:24:43.909
the least ordered thing. He fell in love with

01:24:43.909 --> 01:24:51.329
it. Very cool. They've had cordon bleu for probably

01:24:51.329 --> 01:24:54.189
30 years. I mean, they've had that on there for

01:24:54.189 --> 01:24:57.729
a long, long time. And I had a long time ago,

01:24:57.789 --> 01:24:59.949
and I thought it was good, too. I mean, Harvey's

01:24:59.949 --> 01:25:06.670
does have some surprisingly good stuff. So, all

01:25:06.670 --> 01:25:09.829
right. Well, I don't really have anything else.

01:25:09.850 --> 01:25:13.010
Do you have anything? That's not all I have for

01:25:13.010 --> 01:25:15.289
tonight, brother. All right. Thank you guys for

01:25:15.289 --> 01:25:19.510
listening. Have a good night, assholes. Good

01:25:19.510 --> 01:25:24.470
night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's

01:25:24.470 --> 01:25:28.090
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't

01:25:28.090 --> 01:25:31.510
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll

01:25:31.510 --> 01:25:33.350
be back invading your ear holes soon.