Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the
Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or
Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's
phones, unattended computers, public computers,
and all of my work computers as well, and download
the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to make other people listen. I,
Joe or Jane Listener. will hereby lie to everyone
about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to make all my family members
listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.
And finally, I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,
just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys. We can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
douchebags and a microphone. We talk. Is this...
Have you ever wondered what something came about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, Hey,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so
have we. That's why we give you... The origin
of... The origin of the nose ring. The middle
east is the birthplace of the nostril ring, piercing,
tracking back 4 ,000 years. Nostrils were held
as a status of upper class if they were pierced
with a ring. Ms. Gulkenstein was tired of Mark
and Toe for making sport of her. Little did the
douchebags know Ms. Gulkenstein was a voodoo
high priestess when she was younger. She grew
angry and cast a spell on Rob. Changing Rob into
a capuchin monkey. Mark took Rob to a local zoo
so he could be with the other monkeys. Here are
the adventures of Rob, the capuchin monkey. Shh,
be very quiet. We're going to listen in as Rob,
the capuchin monkey, tries to sell the rest of
the capuchin monkeys Amway. Rob has always dreamed
of becoming a diamond status Amway as a capuchin
monkey. Little did our hero Rob know. All the
great apes owned stock in Sam's Club and became
violently pissed off when he tried to infringe
on their territory. They promptly grabbed switches
and beat his ass for three days straight. Rob
could not sit down. Tomorrow morning, while grinding
your coffee beans for your double mocha latte,
remember to not get your genitals caught in the
grinder. It really hurts, and who can afford
plastic surgery? Stay safe, everyone. All those
who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
That needs to happen. Hey there, slap nuts. It's
time for the Creeps Music News. Hey, my little
pumpkin seeds. This is Johnny Rohypnol with your
music news. Styx has a new single out. It's called
Build and Destroy. I would try to listen to it,
but I value my time much more than that. Daryl
Pesce is releasing a Lemmy tribute album. No
word on the song she'll cover. Ozzy commented
recently that he is working 120 % to get ready
for his last show. It's still not known how Ozzy
will be attending and joining in on the show.
July 5th is the concert date. I suggest if you
have a way to watch it, you do so. Zach Weill
says that Pantera is the gold standard of metal
of his genre. June 1st is Rolling Stone's Ronnie
Wood's birthday. He turns to dust at midnight.
Alanis Morissette shares the same birthday with
Ronnie Wood. She was asked her age, and she wrote
a very dark song about it after screaming. June
2nd would have been Charlie Watts' birthday,
but not anymore. Stevie Brooks' 38th special
also has a birthday with Charlie Watts, only
he can blow his candles out. Charlie already
had his candles blown out. This is Johnny Rohypnol.
That was your music news, and remember, bar chords
are bullshit. Two douchebags and a microphone.
My name is Mark. I am here in the Kansas City
area. And I am Rob from the beautiful angle arm
of Lake of the Ozarks. All right. How is it going,
Rob? Everything good? Oh, everything's going
good, brother. Everything's going good. Good,
good. How's the lake looking? Is the lake looking
good? Oh, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's
busy. People are here. Yeah, it's tourist season
for sure. Yeah. Traffic everywhere. Weather's
starting to warm up. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm
in tank tops. All right, cool. What about the
loincloth? Do you still wear the loincloth in
the tank top or not? Only at night. Only at night.
Oh, okay. All right. That's bunker only. Bunker
only. Okay. So all you people that want to go
out there. Unless I do start up the fishing guide.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm seriously thinking about that,
man. That brought up a good point. Yeah, yeah,
with the loincloth. Yeah, I think that'd be a
good seller. Yeah, the email. What was it, Tarzan's
Fishing Service or something? Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
I love that, too. I like it. As hairy as I am,
oh, fuck it, it'd be cheaters. Yeah, and also
you could wear an eyepatch for more effect. Awesome.
And also, according to the new promo, I mean,
you're a capuchin monkey now, too. Yep, yep.
Just don't try to sell them Amway. That's a good
way to get your ass switched, right? Oh, no,
that's in the new promo. Anyhow, all right. Okay,
today, June 1st, is National Hazelnut Cake Day
and National Heimlich Maneuver Day. So, I mean,
you know, if you slam down too much hazelnut
cake at once, well, it's Heimlich Day, right?
I mean, someone will be there, right, with Heimlich?
Okay, so you don't have to worry about that.
You know, there should be Heimlich people everywhere,
right? Since it's Heimlich Day. This is today,
June 1st. And then again, you know, today is
National Olive Day as well. Did you know that?
I could see where you would need the Heimlich
on that, too. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you get a pit
in your throat or something. And I think that's
why they came up with Heimlich Day the same day
as all these food days, right? Yep. I guess.
Yep. And it's also National Oscar the Grouch
Day. I don't know how to celebrate that one.
You got any ideas? Okay. Good enough. They did
a study. Yeah, I'm for it. That sounds good to
me. Hell yeah. Always. If you can just get away
and make everyone leave you alone, that'd be
all right, right? Hell yeah. All right. They
did a study, Rob. One out of ten people who buy
a guitar are still playing that guitar a year
later. One out of ten. I'm surprised. I thought
it'd be less. I mean, think of all the people
we've known in our life that have bought a guitar
and they never touched it. Yeah. Yeah, I can't
believe it's one out of ten. I think some of
these people in this survey are lying. Oh, yeah,
yeah, I play. I don't know. I mean, it seems
more to me like one out of 50 people that buy
a guitar, you know, and then they buy the expensive
guitar right off the spot. And I'm thinking it's
going to make them sound better, but it doesn't.
And then, you know, I mean, I've seen like the
best players around and players that I knew personally,
they could pick up a children's guitar. a plastic
children's guitar, and make that thing sing.
They could get almost the same tone as they could
out of a Les Paul or a Strat. There's something
about their fingers and how they play and they
bend the notes. That's where the true magic is.
So, anyhow, I can't believe that one out... Zach
Wild did that on a Hello Kitty guitar in a video
on YouTube. Watch it. Oh, I believe that. I'll
have to check it out. Hello Kitty gets a little
cheap plastic acoustic guitar like you buy your
kids. He chammed on that thing. Oh, wow. I'm
going to have to check that out. That sounds
cooler than hell. It's on YouTube. Check it out.
Okay, cool. Yeah, that's... Alright, yeah. Anyhow...
You know, the biggest part of your sound is from
the fingertips, like I said. Your tone comes
from your fingertips. A lot of people don't think
that, but it's true. And you just proved it right
there with Zach Wild using that Hello Kitty guitar
and making that thing sound so good. So, anyhow.
You know, we have Oreo cookies now with Chex
Mix. Oh, I did not know that. That sounds pretty
good, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Yeah, yep. I
feel angels, trumpets, and a full choir singing
on that one. Yes. Yeah, I hear the choir, too,
on that one. Yes. I might have to look for that.
Or do you like Twix candy bars? Yeah, yeah, Twix
are all right. Yeah, they're pretty good. Well,
I have some great news, Rob. What? Twix now has
cookie dough. Twix. Oh, my God. And... If that's
not good enough for you, they double down with
Twix Snickerdoodle. Yeah. I like the first one.
I like both of them. Snickerdoodle's good. I
like Cookie Dough better, but yeah. But, yeah,
I mean, they're, like, making some noise, huh?
I mean, Twix was kind of like the... Oh, shit.
They're kind of like the forgotten... I'm ringing
my head right now. Yeah, they're kind of like
the forgotten candy bar, you know. You mention
all these other ones, and then someone goes Twix,
and like we did, we're like, yeah, yeah, they're
good. But you never go, oh, man, Twix is the
best damn thing ever, right? It's not in that
category. But it's in the category of, like,
yeah, if I see one, I'll eat one. Yeah, yeah.
But other than that, you don't give it much thought.
So I think they're trying to up their game, maybe.
You think? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyhow, Roger Bard,
whose colleagues refer to him as Dr. Death, has
investigated some of the most traumatic deaths
in Australia. He's also investigated some of
the strangest. Want to hear a couple of crazy
ones? Yeah. Okay. Okay, this is from Australia,
so this is how they worded this. There was a
bloke fishing in the Darwin Harbor, and sharks
were nearby. So this 25 -kilogram mackerel jumped
out of the water and sideswiped him, he recalled.
He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The sharks had a great meal. That's your time,
isn't it? I mean, if you get a sign. Yeah. Yep.
Another one was, there was this little old lady
in her backyard collecting eggs. He explains,
roosters, I understand, are nasty creatures.
It went for her, and she had varicose veins,
and it just pecked her leg, and she bled to death
on the spot. I didn't know varicose veins. I
can see that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, she would bleed
out. If anything cuts that vein, yeah. Oh. Oh,
my God. Well, that rooster did her in. Well,
there's more that happens with varicose veins,
and now you're kind of like solidifying it. I
had no idea. I was coming across this, and I'm
like, what? Most people with varicose veins are
known to be bleeders. They would bleed out fast.
Okay. Alright, well that makes sense then. Beard
explains he's had a number of deaths come across
his desk where people with varicose veins have
experienced minor trauma and ended up dying,
like you said. One case was a cat scratch. He
said another, a Russian thistle scratch. You
know those Russian thistles, those horrible things
that scratch the piss out of you. Varicose veins
have contributed more deaths than many things.
They give a long list of things. I'm not going
to go through them, though. But I didn't know
that varicose veins, you know, was that, I don't
know, that bad, you know, that it could kill
you like that. I'll be damned. No wonder people
worry about it. If you think about it, the veins
stick up, right? Yeah, true. So they're not as
deep. and so it's easier to get to them to cut
them. So it's kind of like slicing an artery
or something. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. And then
a man was working on his shower when it suddenly
exploded water straight down his nostrils. He
drowned really quickly. And finally, a man was
found dead on his toilet. They at first thought
a heart attack. You know, many people die from
straining of poop or having heart issues. This
is not the case. They tested the man. He died
from methane poisoning. The sewer had issues
with the gas backing up in the pipes, and he
was taken to dump and succumbed to the gas poisoning.
What a way to die, huh? Oh, God. Yeah. That's
a bad day, right? Yeah, that was like it's your
time, definitely. Yeah. So I got one for you
here, all right? If this happened to you, Rob,
I want to know what you would think. Would you
think twice? Would you be like, I don't know?
Okay. You know, most lovebirds like the idea
of a whirlwind romance. But when a whirlwind
tornado is bearing down on your big day, the
thrill of a head -spinning courtship goes flying
out the window. Along with everything that is
not nailed to the ground, there's a picture of
the groom filming the tornado coming right for
the venue. In Bloomington, Indiana, a couple
were tying the knot at a winery just outside
of town. They had a frantic guest rushing the
door and yelling for them to take cover. The
tornado missed them barely, thankfully. But,
Rob, would you think of that as best luck ever
or would you think that's an omen? Okay, this
is your wedding day. All right, you got ready
for it. Okay. Okay. I just watched an episode
of Connors the other day. Uh -huh. And on that
show, Dan and I forget her name. Oh, shit. I
know. What the hell is her name on the show?
The one he married. The gal from Married with
Children. Yeah, the gal from everything. She's
been on everything. Yeah. Oh, hell, she was the
mom on Sons of Anarchy. Uh -huh. But anyway,
they got married, and the window at the church
blew in because a tornado was heading right for
them, and they rushed the wedding to get it over
with. So I'm going to have to go with them. I
would have to say, no, somebody please marry
us. Real quick, let's get this over with. I want
to be married before I die. Okay. That's my opinion.
Okay. I'm going through all that. I'm getting
married before I die. Okay. But what I'm asking
is, is this right here? Okay. Would you take
that as an omen or a good luck for marriage?
I wouldn't care. Like I said, I wouldn't care.
I just want to get married at that point. I'm
here. Let's do it. Okay. All right. Yeah. Okay.
Well, I think I'd take it as an omen. I've asked
other people and they're like, oh, that's a sign
that's going to be great. I'm like, I don't know,
man. Right off the bat? Okay, let me ask you
something. If you get to the point where you're
staying in the middle of a tornado to get married,
are you going to walk away? No, no, I would do
it, but I would have rather odd thoughts about
it, Rob. I'd be like, hmm, okay, I've done this,
but I'm going to keep an eye on it because I
don't know. I'd be more concerned about the money
I dished out. I want to get it done. True. But
if you get a chance, look it up. It is an amazing
video. Yeah, I will. So, okay, we knew this was
going to happen. We talked about it a long time
now, Rob. You know, AI, our good old friend AI,
right? Oh, shit, here we go. Remember when I
was telling you that AI chatbot kept wanting
to write? my own podcast script for us? Yeah.
Well, now there is a podcast that is AI only.
It's a morning show. It's called AI in the Morning
is the name. They self -describe it as coming
from a server farm in California. Not kidding
you. This is all AI. They write every and perform
every show with their voices. I have a review
of the first show. It's... It really surprised
me. It's like a morning zoo, and they laugh over
themselves, just like the morning zoo chuckle
huts do. The stick is they can do a better morning
show than humans, but if this is true, they need
a lot of practice. I can tell you that. That
was a complete waste of 20 minutes. It was horrible.
Yeah, yeah. If you get a chance, watch it. It's
on YouTube. But don't waste your time, all 20
minutes. I was just doing this, observing it
for a report. That's the only reason I stuck
around the whole 20 minutes. The thing is horrible.
And I'm surprised. I mean, I don't know. You
know. I don't know what shows it had to listen
to to get the idea or if they just do it generically
or what. I don't know what they do. I mean, they
like go, hey, here's a couple of morning shows.
I listen to them and now you do one. I don't
know how they do that. Because if they did that,
whatever morning show they tempered it after
is horrible. So, anyhow. You know, balloons are
bizarre, Rob. You know why? You give a child
a plastic tube of your own breath. Okay. That's
bizarre. Think about it. Think how bizarre that
is. Or a clown balloon with their creepy breath.
That would be horrible too, wouldn't it? So.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And finally, AI stuns a grandma
with vicious verbal attacks. That's what we're
talking about, AI. and questions about her sex
life. She said, I was shocked. An elderly Scottish
woman left shocked and appalled after Apple's
AI dictation software mistakenly inserted profanity
and vulgar sexual references into one of her
voicemail messages. The text was obviously quite
inappropriate, Louise Littlejohn, 66, told the
BBC while recalling the foul -mouthed robot.
The Dunfield resident had received the accidentally
naughty voicemail on Wednesday from an automotive
group in Motherwell, who were inviting little
John to an event. Unfortunately, Apple's AI -powered
voice -to -text transcription service botched
the translation, prompting the result of an iPhone
text to refer to the Scottish woman as a piece
of shit. It also asked if she would be able to
have sex later that day. The Robotronic glitch
was so bad that Little John initially thought
it was a scam, but then she recognized the call's
zip code and remembered that she'd bought a car
from the garage some time ago. The garage is
trying to sell cars, and instead of that, they
are leaving insulting messages without even being
aware of it, the senior citizen recalled. It's
not their fault at all. Well, I think it's their
fault, because they should have listened to this,
right? They should have listened to a couple
of them to make sure that the AI was doing it
right? instead of doing something like this yeah
so and anyhow some experts suggested that the
mistranslation could have been due to the caller's
Scottish accent however more people are saying
or more experts are saying the culprits were
probably background noise and which resulted
in AI um misunderstanding what they were saying
to do so We knew that was going to happen. Yes,
yeah. Yep, and that AI morning show, I don't
look for it to be around very long. It's terrible.
And I don't know, you know, they say it's from
a server farm in California. I think the whole
thing's probably a joke anyhow. They're just
not saying it yet. All right, Rob, we turn to
you. Okay. story I fell in love with just because
the way the writer wrote it. It's funny. It is.
Anyway, gather around, friends, because it's
time once again for America's favorite ongoing
disaster series, Florida Man. Oh, okay. And this
is out of the writer's mouth, and I love the
way he works this whole story. It's funny. Okay,
today's episode, it's a masterpiece. A real Shakespearean
tragedy. If Shakespeare had been raised on meth,
catered jerky, and monster energy. Here's the
headline. Man with garden shears. Shot and killed
by Florida deputies after being bitten by a gator.
Isn't that cool? And if you're thinking, wow,
that sounds like every Florida headline ever
had a love child, you're right. Like I said,
this was in this writer's words, and I love the
way he wrote it. And so he goes on to say, so
let's recap. Uh -huh. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.
That writer is pretty descriptive. I have to
agree with that. Pushing through your veins.
And then, because why wouldn't this happen? He
climbs into a patrol car and tries to grab a
gun. At which point, deputies finally say, okay,
Florida man, you've had your turn in the madness.
And I know what you're thinking. This can't be
real. But let me remind you, this is Polk County.
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. That writer is spot on with
all of that. And Grady Judd is a badass. I love
that guy. He's a guy that makes prisoners wear
pink underwear and all this stuff. He doesn't
fuck around. He catches all those pedophiles
doing stupid shit. I mean, he is awesome, man.
I wish we need more sheriffs like him in America.
So, yeah, that's cooler than hell. Yeah, I'm
going to follow this rider. When you said Polk
County, which is part of the Tampa area, I knew
exactly who you were going to say. Yeah. Very
cool. It's a funny story to begin. I mean, my
God. Hit my gator. Paced twice. And then they
finally had the shooting to kill him. Wow. Yeah,
that's what they had to kill him. No, I know.
They occasionally have to do that. Yeah. No,
I remember reading a sign when I was in Florida,
and it's talking about the alligators in general.
And it's a sign on this walking trail because
there's this kind of like moat or just swampy
moat over just away from it a little bit. And
it said, do not tease, fondle, or molest the
alligators. That's what the sign said. That's
what it said. And I'm like, tease, fondle, or
molest. Who the fuck is going to do that to an
alligator? Save my wife. I know. I have a picture
of it somewhere on my Facebook. I couldn't believe
it. I'm like, oh, this gets a snap. I snapped
it. I got to look it up. It's somewhere in my
photos, all 20 million of them. Yeah, I was just,
like, floored by the wording about it. And I'm
like, who the hell teases or pokes or fucking
molests or whatever? Molest, yeah, molest. Molest
is a real word on there. It's like, people are
trying to molest an alligator. I think it meant
something else. You know, I think the term molest
probably doesn't always mean, like, you know.
I don't know, man. Oh, well, maybe. Who knows?
So, anyhow. All right. You want to take our first
break and come back with some emails? Sure. Let's
do it. All right. We'll be back. And now, Deep
Thoughts with Mark. Hmm. Let me think here. My
car keys have actually traveled further than
my car. Hmm. Weird. Our constant pursuit for
a real knee slapper. It's strange insults from
an alien. Real hilarity. Yes, it's true. Mark
is an old bastard. It's also true that Mark uses
a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like to tell
you, if you see any pictures of improved ibuprofen,
it's obviously fake, and you're to take the pictures
and tear them up immediately. Two douchebags,
a microphone, and an effort to keep everything
fresh. We offer you First World Problems. Oh,
shit. Look at that drive -thru wine. Surely we
don't expect me to actually have to go in. This
sucks. So you want proof that we love you here
at QD Spades and Microphone Central? Here's a
proof right here. How about the drink of the
week? How to make the famous Carnival Cruise
Line Miami Vice frozen drink. Two ounces Bacardi
one, seven ounces frozen. pina colada mix, three
ounces strawberry daiquiri mix, half a hurricane
glass of ice. Blend it all together and serve
with a slice of pineapple and a maraschino cherry
on top. Bam, there you go. Miami Vice, carnival
style. Next up, things overheard in hell. John
Wayne Gacy is in charge of human resources. Arambe.
used to listen to our original show, Two Dipshits
and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Harambe does not listen to our original show,
Two Dipshits and a Cheek Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask why Harambe
never listens to our original show, Two Dipshits
and a Cheek Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead. Senselessly
murdered because some idiot did not watch her
child properly while looking on her phone. Sadly,
Arambe does not listen to our original show,
Two Gibshits and the Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Take Recorder, or any other show. Anymore. Sorry,
Arambe. Jam X. What the hell happened? You were
the generation of change. You never wanted to
be one of them. Apathy spoke for you. Fuck the
man. Fuck the system. What the hell happened?
The generation of angst? The generation of non
-compliance? Is now buying a boat? You're really
fed up to kill someone dangled a dollar near
you? Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined. And
it is beautiful. Look at Google Images. Very
much so. Google Images. Very much so. Great territory
down there. Beautiful. Haha, Tonka State Park,
all that. Beautiful weekend down here. Yeah,
it was up here, too. Today, it was actually almost
borderline hot. It felt great. Oh, yeah, like
I said, I've been running around taking shots.
Yep, but no loincloth. That's only for the bunker,
unless he's going to do a fishing tour. Only
for the bunker. Yeah. Now, if he's doing a fishing
tour, that will be Tarzan, and he will wear a
loincloth. Oh, cheetah. Oh, cheetah, that's right.
And he's going to wear an eyepatch, too. Oh,
I'm going cheetah. Okay, cheetah. I appreciate
the Tarzan idea, but I'm going to have to go
with cheetah because I'm so scared. Yep, and
you can wear a cheetah -skinned loincloth, too.
Yeah, yeah, there we go. And I still say an eyepatch.
So, anyhow. All right, I've got some emails here.
Mark, are you starting to take the podcast in
a more serious tone? Music, news, and cocktail
recipes. I do like the segments, even the post
-apocalypse segment. I find informative. I'm
just guessing that you are. I'm not complaining,
just asking. Gary in Van Nuys, California. I
never really thought about it. Thank you, Gary.
Yeah, thank you, Gary. I suppose. I mean, I just
thought it'd be interesting. Go ahead, Rob. There's
times when we do feel like getting serious. Mm
-hmm. Yeah. And we have that right. But there's
times we don't, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I think...
Kind of raising the bar a little bit. There's
nothing wrong with it. I mean, look, we're always
going to have a potty mouth, and we're always
going to be doing innuendos, and we're always
going to be saying a cuss word here and there.
There's always going to be that element. But
I don't think you always just want to go around
and be lowbrow humor. Right, right. Well, also,
at the same time, Mark, you and I both know,
we have people looking at us. Yes, that's true.
That's true. Also, it's on the food chain. You
know what? You're right about that. So there's
things we are going to have to do to fit in.
Yeah. You know what I mean? No, we're going to
remain the way we are. It's just there's times
we are going to have to bring some serious stuff.
Yeah, and I've always thought of it like this
and always believed it like this, too, and I
think it's true. The true talent is making something
dirty without saying something dirty. The best
do that. They can do that very easily. I think,
let's see, I'm trying to think of a good example.
Oh, the Osbournes, when they had their TV show.
Remember when they used to blank everything out?
It was funnier than hell. And then when they
came out with the full editions where they said
fuck and shit and mother, you know, and all that
stuff, it wasn't as funny. There is something
about leaving a little bit of it to your imagination
that makes it better, I think. So, I don't know.
Well, it goes back to like we teach our kids.
You don't have to cuss to be funny. No, no. If
you ever rely on that, you're not funny. You
know what I mean? You're not funny if you rely
on that. That's just the bottom line. Granted,
granted. If you cuss, yeah, you're funny. Yeah,
and look, I cuss. I try not to. You don't have
to cuss. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I guess maybe
I am without even really thinking about it that
much. So, Gary, thank you. I appreciate that
one a lot. Thank you. That put some thought into
it. I really appreciated that. Thanks for...
taking an interest in our program like that.
I mean, really. I really enjoy that, that someone
can think about it enough to think something
like, hey, are they taking it in a different
direction? Really, truly, thank you. All right.
Well, no, honestly, the last couple weeks, I've
seen this going a little more serious. I have.
And I just haven't said nothing. Okay. You know
what? I suppose it's a natural progression, isn't
it? Isn't it really? Well, it is. Well, no, it
depends on what mood we're in and what we've
got going. Yeah, I guess so. It's more like last
week, you're in a hospital, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, yeah, some serious shit going on. So I
just come up with the stories I have. I don't
have time to research the stupid shit. Yeah,
you know what, you're right. And also, I think
that we add a lot more... to the podcast by not
being all one dimensional. I think the more well
-rounded you are, the more people you're going
to get to enjoy your product. And I mean, it's
been pretty, you know, I mean, it's true. So,
um, and also there's something to be said for
being able to listen to it, not behind closed
doors. Like if your kid walks in, you're in the
garage and you're listening to it and having
a ha ha. And then all of a sudden Mark says,
fucking bitch. All of a sudden, you know, dad
is like, oh, man, damn it. Now, you know, you've
got to run over there and turn it off and go,
I'm sorry, little Billy, you know. There's something
to be said for that, too. Now, you know, I mean,
let's see where it goes. I mean, I think we've
tried and done a little bit of everything so
far, haven't we? I mean, really. Yeah, I don't
know. I'm still going to cover my student stories.
That's what I do. Yeah, and I'm still going to
be doing my stupid shit, too. I mean, it's just,
well, anyhow, all right, without droning on about
that. We are going to get serious. Why? Because
we can. Yeah, and I still want to do a serious
podcast, some about politics and some about other
things. I've got some ideas I'll go over with
you. It's just like Topher and I want to do the
real story. Right. That's something that him
and I discussed in depth, and, you know, that's
something that interests us, that we'd like to
do, so you and I can do the same thing. Yeah,
because there's a couple of political stories
going around right now I could really go off
on, but I'm not going to. Well, not on this show.
We can do another one any time. Not on this show.
Not on this show. Yep. That's what I'm just saying.
We promised this show is not political in any
way. No, it's not. I firmly believe people need
an outlet like that. They really do. Even though
we might bring politicians into it, we sway away
from the political part of it. Yes. That's why
everything I always say is... My next story is
who it's about, not what it's about. Yeah, it's
just like the Tommy Lee thing. It didn't matter
if that was Obama in office. I would have said
the same thing. I'd say, this guy is questioning
this guy. Right. And he's a severe alcoholic
and a dumbass and always doing stupid shit and
getting thrown in jail and all this stuff. I'm
like, that guy is questioning anybody. It could
have been Biden. It could have been anybody he
was questioning. I would have said the same thing
about it. Stay in your fucking lane, you idiot.
So, anyhow, all right. Mark, you remember making
the shirt stencils from the stencil place that
was in Bannister Mall briefly? We made a couple
of stencils for Fuckhammer shirts. I might have
a shirt in my cedar chest of memories. You and
Rob need to come over. Yeah, I remember it a
little bit now. We only did like three or four
of them, but I do remember that. Johnny and Opie
is amazing. His memory is so clear and crisp.
It's insane. Okay. Finish reading that email.
Okay. Okay. I might have a shirt in my cedar
chest of memories. You and Rob need to come over
one day and check it out. I'm still looking for
more professional -looking Fuckhammer flyer.
I'm certain I saw it not too long ago. Johnny
Nopi. And he did send me a message, and he said
he's pretty sure he knows where those flyers
are at. The ones that we use actual typing and
all that stuff on, and a better picture of Legs
Diamond, who we called Fuckhammer. Okay, just
saying, I'm coming up. I want to meet Johnny.
I do. I want to see you. I want to meet Johnny.
Yeah. I think he thought he met you a couple
of times, but he was like a little bit after
that whole crowd, the whole Jess and Jim's crowd
kind of broke up. He thought he might have met
you. I guarantee he's probably heard stories
about me. Oh, I'm sure. I probably told him stories
about you. So, anyhow. Yeah, Johnny Nopi is amazing.
We love the guy. And thank you. He thinks he
has one of these shirts, Rob. I don't even have
one. As a matter of fact, I didn't remember him
until he wrote this and I read it. And I was
like, oh my gosh. And I remember that stencil
place in Bannister Mall. Remember? You go in
there and they design a t -shirt for you. Yeah.
anyhow all right cool um rob do you have a go
-to biscuit recipe i bought three huge boxes
on sale and need to use them millie and tennessee
easy read the box there you go rob i told you
you know what i know that's how i did it my everybody
loves my cooking like my chili and stuff I just
go off what the package says. The chili seasoning
package. Good point. Down a hamburger, one bag
of seasoning. So many nice tomatoes. So much
tomato sauce. Everybody loves my chili. I do
it the way it says. It's cool. I told everybody
not too long ago. Don't ask me for advice. I'm
horrible. Ask Rob. Now everybody's asking you.
Well, I'm happy to entertain them. Yeah, they
trust you. They know not to trust me. So, all
right. There you go. Read the damn package like
Rob does. Could use a little of that. Yeah, you
like a little cayenne pepper or some white pepper
or something else. Yeah, whatever you want. Yep.
That's a good point. Mark, can you help? A little
sugar to your biscuit, you know, whatever. Yeah,
yeah. A little foot powder, maybe. A little foot
powder, a little butter, a little onion powder,
whatever you want. Dandruff relief. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, hell yeah. There you go. All right. Mark,
can you help me locate my real family? My name
is Roger Hamilton. I was born in Cheyenne, Montana.
I'm for sure they listen. I will hope for a call
soon. Thanks in advance. Yeah, they called me.
They called me. They don't want anything to do
with you. They think you're a dickhead. Sorry.
Hey, guys. I can't just leave it like that. I
can't leave it like that. If you need a family,
move down to Lake of the Ozarks, buddy. I got
you. There you go. You can be part of the Radfords.
Is it okay if he takes your last name? Was that
signed Joe Dirt? That's where they got the idea
from. We are a Joe Dirt kind of show. Yeah, we
are. Was Joe Dirt from Cheyenne, Wyoming, too,
or not? Or Montana, not Wyoming. Montana. I forget
where he was living, but they went to the Grand
Canyon. Oh, that's right. Okay. And I forget
where he was living. Maybe it was. I think you're
right. I think this email was based off of that.
Okay, no, no. The dream town, I believe, was
at Montana. Oh, okay. Where they all got together
at the end. Was that Montana or Wyoming? Either
way. Okay, either way. I think that's where they
got the idea for the email. So, yeah, Roger Hamilton.
And I love the name that came out with it. Sorry.
Yep. Roger Hamilton, your family said that they
can't stand you and did not locate them. I'm
sorry. That's just what they told me. But move
down here to Lake of the Ozarks. I'll take you.
You could become a Rob Rat. No, not a junior.
You already got a junior. Yeah. The third? Another
dependent. Okay, there we go. All right. All
right. Hey, guys. I'm loving the new segments
like music news and such. Keep up the great work.
Ronnie and Tulsa. The Tulsa King. P .S. Thanks
for treating me like royalty. You are royalty.
That's why your name is King. Yes. Yeah, you
are the most consent... Mitch didn't send me...
I just realized something. I think we're Mitch.
Mitch didn't send us an email this time, I don't
think. Oh. Yeah, maybe he's busy. Maybe he's
on the move again. He could be, could be. So,
Mitch, hopefully we didn't piss him off. I don't
think we did anything towards him, did we? We
didn't make fun of him or something, I don't
think. Dude, I'm always making fun of you. Mitch,
write us back. Come on, Magic Creek, I ain't
going. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, Ronnie, you're
royalty. Yeah, you are, yeah. Oh, by the way,
we will have your list. of the best slasher gore
movies of all time the seven best tuesday yes
so um did to do okay next one dude they're okay
i was wanting to know if the podcast is available
in spanish i'm not spanish but would probably
like to show more if i couldn't understand it
barney and smithville we haven't had any hate
mail lately i had to say something You got anything
you want to add to that, Ron? You might check
to see if your phone has a... Mute button? Oh,
yeah, yeah, you know what? Or you could translate,
translation button. I think that's a great idea.
Yeah, yeah, because I think some cell phone,
you know, on some music, they might have a translation.
I don't know. Yeah. You know what? This one won
this week of the hate mail, so Clint, you have
to give me an intelligent letter before I'll
read it on the podcast. If you have any fifth
graders around there that needs a summer job,
maybe you should get with them and give them,
I don't know, some old tattoo ink that you found
in a dumpster or something like that. And then,
you know, have them write your email for you.
That way I'll be intelligent enough to read on
here. You know what's funny, though? I read someone
else's hate email to make fun of him. That was
funny. I read someone else's hate email to make
fun of him. Okay, and then finally, what happened
to the music creeps? I can't find any new ones.
Thank you, Rob in Omaha. Well, I was in the hospital.
We did not get a chance to do any. And then the
week before, I forgot what happened. So it's
been a couple of weeks, we know. But we're going
to get out there, I believe, Wednesday of this
week. Oh, doctor appointments and all this stuff
going on. So I think this Wednesday, we're going
to catch up and start doing music creeps and
sports bastards both. So thank you. And I just
threw the email down, so I forgot the name. So
whoever you are, thank you. So that's the emails.
Rob, you got something? Yes, I do. All right.
Like I said, my next story is kind of political,
but not the way I'm taking it. Oh, wait a minute.
Did you want to do the anger songs first? Actually,
I kind of want to get this out of the way. Okay,
get that out of the way, and then we'll take
our break and come back with anger songs, okay?
Yeah, because this is political, but it's also...
You know how I like to update you on stories
I have done. Yes. And this is Tiger King. Oh,
yeah. A .K .A. Joe Exotic. Mm -hmm. Okay, you
ready for this? I'm ready. And it gets lit. Okay.
Okay. Kind of, kind of. It's funny, though, because
it backfires on me. Tiger King started. Joe Exotic
is not holding back his feelings after news broke
that President Donald Trump granted a pardon
to Todd and Julie Chrisley, but not him. See,
I'm kind of going in. I'm trying to cover two
stories here. I'm doing the Todd and Julie Chrisley,
Joe Exotic, and, yeah. Just hours after the shocking
announcement, Joe Exotic hopped on social media
to vent on X. He posted, I guess being innocent
is not enough in America. They all admitted to
perjury on world television, but yet I'm left
to die of cancer before I could get any help.
Joe Exotic, whose real name is Joseph Maldonado
Passage, is currently in the fifth year of a
21 -year federal prison sentence. Asked for a
plot to kill his ex -partner, Carol Baskin. Even
while Joe was locked up, he remained vocal. He
shared that he's battling prostate cancer and
believes he's being deliberately ignored by the
legal system. Mm -hmm. Well, okay, yeah, I brought
all that up, but still. So, Joe Exotic got married
to a dude while he was in prison. Yeah. His husband
got out. His husband got transferred to whatever
country he came from. He got deported. And Joe
Exotic started saying, started begging Donald
Trump, releases both, we'll go there and you'll
never hear from us again. So now, as everybody
has already heard, I guarantee it, he pardoned
Todd and Julie Chrisley. So now, Tiger King is
still sitting in prison fuming, dude. I got a
question, yeah. Do you think that Trump should
have pardoned Joe Exotic? Well, read another
story, well, maybe in this one, but it says that
he will truly look into the case. So he is going
to look into it, okay. He is going to look into
it, but he's not going to promise nothing. Well,
okay. It sounds like... Because Joe's audit is
using the Chris Lee's against him. Because...
Their daughter, the whole time they did it in
prison, their daughter even backed him during
the election. Okay. She spoke for Savannah Christie.
Yeah, yep. Yeah. Personally... That's the way
a lot of people look at it. I just think it's
funny Joe Exotic's still sitting there. Yeah.
I think... Yeah. Okay, so he... He was a waste
before he went in. Yeah, yeah. If I was Trump
or anybody in office, I would stay as far away
from that guy as I could. You know, just because
he's out there banging on anything he can, screaming
and yelling, doesn't mean it warrants anything
at all. I'm not saying that Carole Baskin was
innocent and everything. All I know is it does
appear like he tried to have her murdered, and
there are consequences for doing that in America,
and he got them. So I don't know what else to
say about that. And also another thing is...
Yes. Yeah. Where we know Joe Exotic... Yeah,
me neither. You know what? That's for Trump to
figure out, and I guess he did, so whatever.
That's fine. Yeah, and he said he will look into
it now. We'll see whether he does or not. You
know what? If I was him, I'd keep my mouth shut.
If he's going to look into it, I would keep my
mouth shut. I mean, if you're Trump right now,
and he's out there, oh, fuck that guy and all
that stuff, you'd be like, you know what? I'm
not even going to look into it now. Forget him.
He's not appreciated. Yeah, well, fuck you. Yeah,
and especially, You know how many people are
in prison with cancer? There's a lot of them.
Do they get out? No. You know, what's his name?
The big guy from New York. Gotti. He died in
prison. He didn't get to come out. He died from
cancer in prison. John Gotti. Yeah, John Gotti.
Yeah. There's a lot of cases like that. They
don't bring him out. Oh, hey, everybody. John
Gotti's sick. He's got to come out. They don't
do that. So Joe Exotic. They don't do that. It's
the way it is. But if I argue, I keep my mouth
shut until Trump comes out with a yes or a no
definitively, I would play nice. But I think
he probably already screwed it up, don't you?
Yeah. All right. We will come right back with
our anger songs per Rob, which I really love
that. I think that's a great idea. Yeah. We'll
go into that before we... Strange, but true.
Morgan Freeman wears earrings worth $60 ,000.
This is for the event he dies somewhere remote.
The earrings will cover the cost of the funeral.
This is an old sailor tradition. Your mama's
so fat, she uses Google Earth to take a selfie.
All aware of the Amber Alert, right? Well, get
rid of your disinfectants and rubber bedspreads,
kids. It's the all -new Amber Herd Alert System.
This fantastic early warning device helps one
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This clever machine has three distinct settings,
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for those close calls. Order today and get a
free Cinnabon Renusic cartridge. What's that
over there? Oh, no. It's the island of horrible
jokes. I put a wooden shoe in my toilet. I guess
it was clogged. douchebags, and a microphone.
The only podcast with gusto. That's right. Just
like Schlitz beer. Google it. Oh, hey, look at
the time. It's time for the crazy -ass word of
the day. Cito, cito, hypo -paraphylogism. No
bat white here. These idiots just show up and
hope for the best. And now, Deep Thoughts with
Mark. Should I? Throw away all my socks, then
only buy 30 pair of one kind of sock. Will they
eventually not match up? Hmm. I may never know.
Next up, Things Overheard in Hell. Well, that
little handsome CD is just a laptop. Uh -huh.
Have you ever wondered what something is about?
Have you ever looked at something and said, hey,
I wonder what the origin of that is? Well, so
have we. That's why we give you The Origin of.
The Origin of the Goatee. The Goatee is a beard
style that dates back to ancient Greece and Rome
and is named for its resemblance to a goat's
beard. The Goatee has been worn by many famous
men throughout history, including Uncle Sam,
Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock. The gob ham was
often depicted with a goatee, and in medieval
and Renaissance art, Satan was depicted with
a goatee as well. The goatee became popular again
in the 1940s as a defining trait of the beatniks
and jazz musicians. It fell out of favor again
in the 1960s, but became fashionable again in
the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee originated
in the late 20th century. It was originally called
a goatee. And I'm Rob at the beautiful Nagler
Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. All right, Rob, would
you care to explain what you came up with? Yeah,
yeah. The other night, we got done podcasting,
and we had talked, and we hung up. And so I messaged
Mark, and I said, hey, I got this idea. Let's
do our top seven angry songs. Whisper when we're
angry, just something to just, you know. And
you loved it, and I'm glad you did. Yeah, I think
it's a great idea, and I think I come up with
some good ones, and I know you have. So, yeah,
I love that idea. It's similar to our fist fight
one that we did, only this is just... Right,
right, right. Yeah, this is just songs I listen
to to get aggression out. Yeah, yeah, not like
beating somebody's ass or something like that.
Right, right, right, right. All right, Rob, you
got your top seven, I believe, right? Don't we
do it in Ronnie land? Yes, I do. Okay. Yes, I
do. Yeah, we're doing it in Tulsa King style.
Because he is the king. Yes, one and only. And
Mitch, you better get to writing me. What the
fuck? Come on. All right, Rob, we turn it to
you. At number seven, I'm coming with I Hate
Everything About You by Three Days Grace. Is
that an Ugly Kid Joe remake? I think it is, yeah.
Okay. I like the Three Days Grace version. I
don't think I've heard it. Okay. Okay, number
six. In the End by Linkin Park. That's a good
one. It's just a song that when I'm angry, I
can just get into. That's what I was looking
for. It's a song that you can get into and just
put everything out and just get into your anger
and go through the song. You know what I mean?
That is a good song. Number five. This is going
to be a blast with the past. Okay. TNT by ACDC.
Oh, yeah. Hoi. Hoi. Hoi. TNT. Hoi. Dynamite.
Hoi. It's a good, angry song. It really is. It's
a song that we grew up with, yeah. Let's see.
Lock up your doors and run for your life. Yeah,
yeah. Run for the back door. Lock up. Oh, go
ahead. I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Okay,
number four, I'm coming out with Last Resort
by Papa Roach. Oh, wow. Okay. This is your last
resort. Yeah, just head back, just, yeah. Cool.
Number three, another oldie that has came up
on my list before. Okay. Hair of the Dog by Nazareth.
Uh -huh, yeah. If anyone doesn't know what that
is, that's now you're messing with a son of a
bitch. Yep. And not GNR, not Guns N' Roses remake.
The original. No. This is Nazareth, yes. And
actually, I hate everything about you. I think
I might have to switch back and go with the other
version. Oh, Ugly Kid Joe's one? Okay. Yeah.
Yeah, I think I'm going to go with Ugly Kid Joe's
boost on that one. The more I take it back. Well,
I listened to that one a while ago. No, I think
I'm going to stick with Ugly Kid Joe. Okay. All
right. Okay, number two. Once again, from my
fight list, Break Stuff from Wimp Bizkit. Oh,
yeah. I forgot all about that song. agree. What
are you going to do? Break stuff. Yep. And coming
in at a big number one falls to the wall by a
sec. Oh! Dude, I was jamming for about 20 minutes
back at this tough replay. Yeah, my favorite
part is when you hear the crunching sound. That
is an angry little song. From an angry little
guy, Udo, Dirk Schneider. Yeah, and you see him
nowadays. Oh, my gosh. He didn't age well. That
little guy with the big tummy. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I'm going
to come up with my seven here. Okay, number seven
I have, and this is because the riff. To me,
the riff is forceful and powerful and semi -angry.
And that is Rock and Roll Rebel from Ozzy Osbourne
and Jakey Lee just smoking on the guitar. All
right. He will always be underrated, in my opinion.
Jakey Lee, and he had a lot of accolades. But
I'll tell you, the guy... is just an incredible
guitar player. All right. My number six one is
one of my favorite guitarists, but probably not
one of the best. One of the best sounding, of
course, would be Mick Mars, and that would be
Dancing on Glass from Motley Crue. That'd be
off the Girls album, Girls, Girls, Girls. Second
side. Second side. No, no, no. First side, third
song. Love it. To me, that riff. Kind of fast
-paced and driven. Kind of gives me that edge
to be angry, like got you hopping, going, oh,
yeah, I'm really, you know. So, number five.
This is an old Steady Eddie. It's been used in
various situations, including wrestling. Uncle
Teddy, Stranglehold. Yes. That is a driving hypnotic
song. That is just pure anger. It is just like
smash you in the face for no reason anger. It's
bloody lip just because you looked at me angry.
It gives anger. It exuberates anger. Great song.
It's hypnotic. All right. Number four. And it
has the word angry in its title. Alice in Chains,
Angry Chair. Okay. The bass at the first of that.
He hits those notes that are deep and grungy.
Combined with a little Jerry Cantrell magic.
Such an angry, forceful song. I believe it is
talking about the electric chair and putting
people to death. The song is very angry. And
the song is called Angry Chair. And you've probably
heard it on rock radio many years ago. They don't
play it so much anymore. Whenever they fantasize
about Alice in Chains, it's their Steady Eddie,
Man in the Box, or Wood, or something like that.
But Angry Chair was a great song. Next one is
another grunge band, but people don't know about
this song. It's off Vitology, and it's Pearl
Jam, and the name of it is Blood. And the song
is angry because a lady took this guy's child
and aborted it. And he screams, Eddie Vedder
screams, it's my blood, it's my blood, it's my
blood. No one thinks a Pearl Jam could come out
with a song like that. I wonder if it like maybe...
Yeah, I would. Yeah. I wonder if something like
that didn't happen to one of them because the
song is so angry and so forceful, you know, and
the outrage in it. Every time I hear that song,
I get angry. It's like, man. I'm going to have
to look into that song. I don't think I've heard
that song. It's off of Vitology, or Vitology,
I guess. Vitology, which would be their third
album, maybe, or their second. I think. Anyhow,
it's a great song. Yeah, third, I think. Yeah,
third. Okay. Megadeth, Countdown to Extinction.
That song is snotty angry. Dave Mustaine is so
angry at the governments of the world and the
world and everybody and everything. At the time,
he isn't so much anymore. But at the time, he
was all kinds of shady with all kinds of stuff.
That song has a lot of anger, a lot of force
behind it. Dave Mustaine, the way he sings it.
Everything. Just incredible, incredible music.
And then finally, my all -time, and I always
have to go with this, and this is Walk from Pantera.
That song. All right. Yeah. I hear Walk, and
I just want to hit people in the face for no
reason. It's a great song. And I know you're
like, you want to hit someone in the face for
no reason? Let's say a song and tell me you don't.
It's great. That is my seven, and what a great
list, Rob. Thank you. It just came to me. All
of a sudden, man, that would be a good list,
and I hit you up on it. You agree, so here you
go. That was perfect because it really made me
think, and it really made me work hard to dwindle
that down to seven. Yeah. Which is always fun.
There's so many others that for years, anytime
we ever got angry, there were songs we had for
go -tos. Yeah. I put other new ones that I've
been listening to on this list. I've been listening
to a lot more like Stained and Limp Bizkit, you
know, and Linkin Park, you know? Oh, yeah. I've
been listening to a lot more grunge lately, but
only the good stuff, not the garbage. I've been
listening to some of that and revisiting some
of it. And some of it I just completely missed
at the time, the genius in it. Especially, Soundgarden
might be my favorite band ever now. I don't know.
I mean, they've been one of my favorites forever.
But some of the stuff that I missed on side two
of Bad Motor Finger. Super Unknown was a huge
album, and everybody got it. Everybody was like,
oh yeah, that's a fantastic album. Bad Motor
Finger was almost as good. And the thing is,
they just had really one song on it. Outshine
was the only really hit on it. But there was
so much stuff. I was talking about the leads,
the crazy... Not leads, but the crazy solos.
Enslaves and Bulldozers is one of them. I listened
to that song a couple of times on the way to
work and way back a couple of times. And that
thing is insane. The genius behind it. Like I
said, Kim Tho will never get the credit he deserves.
But he is just doing a bunch of sounds that just
fit the song. You get what he's saying. It's
really good. So, anyhow, Rob, you got something
you want to go into? Yeah, I do. I'm going to
go into another strange story here. Okay. Two
hikers were reportedly high off psychedelic mushrooms
traversing New York State. Help me out here.
The mountain range. A dronid? A dronid? Mountains?
I'm sorry, I'm not from New York. Say Babel Snatch,
the Babel Snatch Mountains. Well, those from
New York will know what I'm talking about. Yeah,
the Babel Snatch Mountains. Famous. Yeah. Called
911 to mistakenly report a third member of their
party was dead. Oh. The ranger with the New York
State Department of Forestry responded to a call
on Saturday. that a hiker had reportedly died
on Cascade Mountain, a popular summit in Babelsnatch
High Beach. Yeah. That never gets old. Actually,
that went pretty good, didn't it? It did. That
never gets old. Babelsnatch is just like the
Iggy that people just know. The Department of
Environmental Conservation said in a news release.
The two hikers who called 911 also told a steward
on Mount Summit that they were lost. The steward
determined the hikers were in an altered mental
state, according to the agency. The supposedly
dead person called and was not injured. Officials
said that the ranger escorted the two hikers
down to an ambulance. which took them to a hospital
and brought the third to the group's campsite
where they were all later met up. Did they lie?
Huh? Did they lie about it to get them to come
get them? No, they were on mushrooms. And that
was it? They thought the guy was dead on mushrooms?
Okay. Then the guy called 911. So 911 knew something
was up. Officials said that the ranger escorted
two hikers down to an ambulance, which took them
to a hospital and brought the third to the group's
campsite, where they all later met up. The odd
situation highlights the importance of being
aware of one's surroundings without nature, and
not the dangers of using hallucinogens. in a
dangerous environment. Uh -huh. The active ingredient
Slim's is known as... Babble Snatch? I've never
been with... I've never been with... Oh, yeah,
Babble Snatch. Come on. I shouldn't be able to
say that word by now. And while studies have
shown it to have positive effects on things like
PTSD, addiction, and depression. In large doses,
it can lead to the user having a warped sense
of reality. Well, yeah, thanks. How do you think
you did that? Drunkies have been using this shit
for years. According to the National Institute
of Drug Abuse, the mushrooms can cause people
to experience disordered sights and sounds and
lose their sense of time and space. The NIDA
added that people can experience a range of extreme
emotions, ranging from euphoria and bliss to
terror and paranoia. Some people use them recreationally
or to try to improve their mental health, although
researchers still have much to learn about it.
Siemens, is that how you say it? Yeah, yeah,
close enough. P -S -I -L -O -C -Y -D -I -N. That
sounds great. Potential uses as a medicine, and
NIDA writes on its website, unlike many racial
drugs such as heroin and cocaine, the use of
Balastash has been found to not lead to addiction
or overdose. However, the main danger of taking
the drug is the altered... sense of reality such
as the situation of hikers based on saturday
wow so it what they're saying is that they're
they don't know of any medical problems with
it it's just the state of mind you're in while
you're on it's like the old lsd or acid or angel
dust Well, yeah, a lot of people that prefer
natural, they don't do LSD, they do mushrooms
instead. Yeah, it's a hallucinogen. And also...
If used sparingly, it could be used in a medical
situation. And it has been. It has been and it
will be. You've talked about it many a time.
I'm telling you, ayahuasca to me sounds extremely
fascinating. So that's a form of a mushroom,
and the trip is supposed to be about the same
for everybody, and you talk to dead relatives,
you see elves, all this stuff. And everyone has
the same trip. So is there something to it? You
know what I'm saying? Is it another dimension
you're going to? I mean, I... Stuff like this
fascinates me. I wouldn't take regular mushrooms,
but ayahuasca I would definitely think about.
Have you ever gave it any thought? Well, no,
I haven't done any research into it. Just what
you just said, man, that right there, Greg. I'm
telling you what, look at it. You know how much
I'd like to see my dad and my mom one more time?
Yeah, I mean, to me, I mean, is it going to be
bittersweet afterwards? Most people say that.
they were like really happy it wasn't like oh
they're gone again i i could see where it would
be like everybody would like to have that one
last time with their loved one in the past yeah
yeah you would get that done in your head yeah
i could see where that would be relaxing it would
calm and it would help you i think it'd be whether
it's real or not you can debate it all day long
but i think it's real enough to make you feel
good It sounds like. You know? Yeah. You need
some closure, that might be exactly what you
need, so. All right. A man takes a piss, and
he has his penis bitten off by an 11 -foot snake
in the toilet. Oh, shit. Yeah. Afton Chosong,
38, was attacked by a huge snake in the bathroom
of his home in Cha -Chong. Chechonsau province
east of Bangkok, leaving him with severe blood
loss. He reached down after feeling a sudden
sharp pain, only to find the python's jaws clamped
onto the tip of his genitals. They aren't sure
where the snake originated from, but it was apparently
hungry for penis, or it was defending itself
from being pissed on. I thought, you know, was
it really like hungry for penis or was like,
hey, what the fuck's this guy doing? Anyhow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone's pissing on you,
what do you do? You kick them in the dick, right?
Well, you know, the snake's like, hey. Yeah.
The time man was left fighting for his life in
a Bangkok hospital. Oh, I find that. You talk
about irony. He had his penis bit off in a Bangkok
hospital. I was going to run on that. There you
go. Your penis bitten off in a Bangkok hospital.
Rob, you know what? I know I can get in a hurry
and have to go really bad, but I always look
in the stool. It might need flush in high water.
No splash back. Yeah. don't you always look in
there just in case? You know, there might be
a big lump of shit there, and then you get splashed
back from it. Exactly, yeah, yeah, man. Yeah,
I always look in the toilet first. I don't want
to see nobody else's turds floating before I
go. I'll move to a different stall. Yeah, what
does this guy do? He just comes over there with
his dick already out, not even looking? I mean,
wouldn't you like just kind of see in your peripheral,
like, hey, wait a minute, that's not water. Yeah,
no shit. Well, I don't know if he lived or not.
This article was, I think, three weeks old. So
I think it'd be determined whether he lived or
not. I couldn't find anything to tell me whether
he actually did live or not. All I know is he
was fighting for his life at one time with part
of his dick bitten off. Anyhow, in a Bangkok
hospital. Yeah. Okay, we're children here. Okay?
We know this. We told you we could go one way
or the other. I guess we're going the other right
now, aren't we? We said it just a while ago.
Forget the concert calendar. We're on dick jokes
now. All right, Rob, you got something? Or you
want to shut it down? What do you need to do?
Yeah, my phone. Yeah, here we go. Okay. I had
one here. Okay. Only because it's weird. Okay.
Okay. Okay. I hope I pronounced that right, was
emptied into a garbage truck in the early morning
hours of Thursday, May 29th. Authorities believe
the man had been sleeping inside the dumpster.
Okay. Yeah, the truck drove about five miles
before stopping at William T. Rogers Middle School
in Kings Park, where someone saw a person inside
the back of the truck around 6 .30 a .m. That
guy is lucky. That person was removed from the
truck and transported to Huntington Hospital
for treatment of a leg injury. The other man
was pronounced dead at the scene. They got him.
A public information officer, yeah. Officials
don't suspect criminal activity in this case.
Well, no, there was... Yeah. Officials are conducting
an autopsy on the dead man to determine the cause
of his death. But the Associated Press reported
that officials do not believe the man was dead
before getting dumped into the truck. Well, yes,
thank you. Funny, but not. I love how they word
some of these stories, dude. I do, too. said
in an online statement that the incident is completely
unrelated to our building, our students, and
our staff. Yeah, everybody knows that. They're
in a fucking garbage truck. They go along to
your property. Yeah. The two men have yet to
be identified, and the investigation is ongoing.
Wrong place, wrong time, right? I still haven't
identified the guy that was alive. Wow. Yeah,
they were almost. Yep, yep, they picked the wrong
dumpster that day. Rob, do you know Peppa Pig?
Yeah, I know of it. I don't watch it, I know
of it. I never had to watch it with my grandson,
thank God. We have to watch it with the youngest
granddaughter, and it's not a complaint. We enjoy
the hell out of her. She's so much fun. My grandson's
rather into Michael Jackson. Seriously. He likes
Michael Jackson videos. Wow. Okay. Seriously.
And he's four. He's four. Well, it's just like
the grandkids love my, I have the old style arcade
game. It's actually an old arcade game. It's
a 1942. uh war game and it's stand up you know
with the joysticks and everything and it has
like um uh 40 of the original games like galaga
pac -man um uh defender all that stuff right
okay i thought the grandkids would like hate
that you know because it's old and the graphics
aren't as good they love that thing it is surprising
you know it's like wow they like that technology
so you know The Michael Jackson thing? I was
actually into video games. Yeah, the Michael
Jackson thing, I guess, isn't that surprising
because, you know... That came out of nowhere.
He has to watch too much YouTube. Well, grandchildren
are more like personality -wise. They did a lot
of studies on this. are more like their grandparents
than their parents. They do everything they can
to defy the parents, but the grandparents are
friends. So they're more apt to act like the
grandparents. It's a weird deal, but it's like
generational skipping, I think is what they call
it. But anyhow, Dark Peppa the Pig is a fake
YouTube video that targets kids and terrifies
them. Twisty creators on YouTube are taking advantage
of Peppa Pig's popularity, leaving children at
risk of viewing inappropriate content. With its
wholesome storylines documenting everyday family
life, Peppa Pig is a children's TV staple, and
there was much excitement recently when fans
were treated to the arrival of a new member of
the family, a baby girl piglet named Evie. Evie
LePig. But while the show itself is universally
trusted by parents, watching it on YouTube can
be a different matter. As a hugely popular cartoon
for kids, Peppa Pig has been a target for twisted
YouTube creators over the years. This week, a
search by The Mirror found a clip called MLG
Peppa Pig, it's a parody, was set within seconds,
which showed the character holding a machine
gun made eight years ago. It had been watched
18 million times. A second disturbing creation
called Peppa Does Drugs showed the pig snorting
cocaine. In response to our investigation, a
YouTube spokesperson told us we removed both
videos from YouTube and terminated the channel
for violating our child safety policies, which
we rigorously enforce. Neither of the videos
shared by the mayor have ever appeared in the
YouTube's Kids app or recommend the experience
for younger viewers. So, just kind of like an
informative story, but also make you think. YouTube...
If you don't control and watch what they're doing,
they can find stuff like this. Pepple of pigs
snorting cocaine or shooting people with a machine
gun. Probably not the best thing for kids to
see, wouldn't you think? Yeah. Yeah, so, anyhow.
Rob, it's almost 9 .30. Do you want to keep going
or do you want to shut this show down? I need
to shut it down. All righty. All righty. Hey,
everybody, thank you for listening. Good night,
assholes. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks
like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.