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Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
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douchebags and a microphone. So you want proof
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the drink of the week? Hey, my little bacon bit.
Do you need to get to Smashville pronto? Did
your friends start without you? We have your
solution. Adios, motherfuckers. Adios, motherfuckers
is one stiff drink. It should be used with caution.
One half ounce of vodka. One half ounce of rum.
One half ounce of tequila. One half ounce of
gin. One half ounce of blue curacao. Two ounces
of sweet and sour mix. Sprite or 7 -Up. Use a
lemon wedge as a garnish and put in a highball
glass. Bam! There you go. Strange, but true.
In 1994, the U .S. military attempted to develop
a bomb that would turn the enemy gay using female
hormones as a weapon. A proposal for a six -year,
$7 .5 million grant was requested to see if it
could cause a biological reaction in the troops.
Hey there, slap nuts. It's time for The Creeps
Music News. Drummer Josh Freese has been fired
from the Foo Fighters. He said there was no reason
given, no names for a replacement as of yet.
The inventor of heavy metal guitarist Tony Aomi
has another recording with his dear friend and
former work partner Glenn Hughes. They are both
featured on British rocker Robbie Williams' new
single. Hard Rock's ash metal band, Kings of
Thrash, featuring former Megadeth members Dave
Ellison, Jeff Young, and Chris Polen, recently
released a new single called Lockdown. This marks
a new project by these former Megadeth members.
Richie Cawson and John 5 announce a fall tour
of the U .S. John 5 also announces more details
about his highly anticipated new album, scheduled
for release October 10th and led by his first
track, Flint, featuring Kenny Arnoff. Happy birthday
to Cher and Joe Cocker on May 20th. They're both
300 years old. John Dalton of the Kinks, May
21st. He's really fucking old, too. And Morrissey,
May 22nd. He started Social Security last year
and expects to continue it. May 16th marks the
15th year since Ronnie James Dio lost his battle
with stomach cancer. Remember to give them the
Loic horns too, a passerby just for Ronnie. Ronnie,
us here at the Creeps and all your fans miss
you greatly. Your hologram captured your image,
but never your spirit. The origin of the goatee.
The goatee is a beard style that dates back to
ancient Greece and Rome and is named for its
resemblance to a goat's beard. The goatee has
been worn by many famous men throughout history,
including Uncle Sam, Henry M. Hoyt, and Mr. Spock.
The gob ham was often depicted with a goatee,
and in medieval and renaissance art, Satan was
depicted with a goatee as well. The goatee became
popular again in the 1940s as a defining trait
of the beatniks and jazz musicians. It fell out
of favor again in the 1960s, but became fashionable
again in the 1990s and 2000s. The term goatee
originated in the late 20th century. It was originally
called a goatee. Two douchebags at a microphone.
My name is Mark, and I'm here in the Kansas City
vicinity. Isn't it raining like nuts, though?
That's what they said it was going to do. They
said it was going to rain like crazy, and I didn't
think there was going to be anyone down there.
So, the same thing is up here. Good, good. Okay,
that's cool. And so far, we've only had one PWC
accident. That's it? That I have read of, yeah.
Normally, we have boat accidents. We have boats
ramped shores by now, normally. But, yeah, we've
only had one PWC accident that I've read, which
is good. That's really good. Yeah. Could it be
the lake is growing up finally, Rob? No, I think
it's the weather. It's the weather, yeah. It's
raining. It's cold. Yeah. The water's still cold,
dude. Yeah, it is not warm enough. They're not
getting out of this shit. Hell no. The water
at this point right here, it'll take until mid
-June for the water to warm up enough. I'll tell
you what. Next week, I'll give you a DWI report.
How's that? Oh, I'd love that. I would love that.
Instead of BWI. I'll give you a DWI because it's
so cool and great. That sounds good to me. Yeah,
because people find they've got to have alternate
things to do. So, you know, hey, drinking is
one of them, right? Hey, Ashley, some of you
might watch on Ozark, which I have a report on
after a while. Oh, nice. We love that. We love
that. Okay. All right. Well, Spotify in particular.
I'm not bagging on them. I love them. I listen
to them, right? Do you have Spotify? No, I don't,
but a lot of people I know do. Yeah. It seems
to hear my phone frequently. I was in the break
room talking about Culver's to the guys, and
bam, there's a Culver's ad on Spotify. Okay,
okay. Uh -huh. Go ahead. Oh. Go ahead. I got
something else I got to add to this story. Okay,
cool. Okay, so... I decided to start screwing
with my algorithms, okay? And this happened a
while back. So I make up crazy shit that doesn't
exist to see what it tries to sell me, right?
I just make up stupid words, things that did
not make any sense at all. So I came up with
an object, I guess it could be, and it's a lather
mat horse woggle. So I kept saying that near
my phone. I need to get a new blather mat horsewoggle.
Horsewoggle is what I kept saying, right? I wait
to see what it thinks I'm looking for. So it
decided I was looking for a horse or beagle floor
mat. And oddly enough, Target had them on sale,
Rob. Holy shit. Yes. So I came up with a... Beagle
floor mat. Yes. That came out of blather mat
horsewoggle. So, I came up with another object
or whatever. I was looking for a shiny Gafferson
Toddfall. Once again, I wait. So, my phone finally
decided I was looking for a shiny gold waterfall
replica. Yeah. Okay. Out of a shiny Gafferson
Toddfall. It thought I was looking for a shiny
gold waterfall replica. That didn't sound close
to it, but, you know, okay, whatever. So I thought,
you know, I thought I'd go ahead and get in the
market for some crotch white berries. Well, it
tried to sell me them. I just come up with all
kinds of shit. These were the only ones that
work, you know, because I'm saying all this shit.
I know you. So, well, when I tried to find some
crotch -white berries, it tried to sell me Amazon
Fresh Wild Berry Smoothie Mix. So, evidently,
the only thing it caught out of crotch -white
berries. That's close. Yeah, yeah, that was the
closest one. So, go ahead and tell me yours,
because I have more stuff I was doing. I was
screwing with my algorithms on purpose. And it
turns out that you can screw with them. you know,
relentlessly tag you with commercials that are
targeted at you. Okay, yeah. Go ahead, Rob. That's
where my story comes in. Okay. Okay, you know
how I bought a Nissan Frontier? Yes. Right? Uh
-huh. Well, it seems like ever since I bought
this truck on iHeart, a lot of... Yep. Same thing.
Yeah, we were... Because you talked about it
on the podcast and your phone was right there
because you're talking on the phone to me. Yeah.
Yeah. So... Yes. Yep. Somebody is listening to
our podcast. That's cool. Well, you know what?
I got a little news on that, too, Rob. That's
weird. That's weird. Now, I buy a truck, and
then all the commercials I hear is for that truck.
Yeah. You know what? You're going to see a revamped
show here. I'm starting to do a couple of things
a little bit differently and add some stuff.
And that's because I got some really encouraging
news from someone that would know exactly what
they're talking about. And they are really impressed
with what we're doing. They really, and I say
they, it's because of... It's a couple of them.
And they really understand what we're trying
to do. And they also realize that this is probably
the only outlet for anything like this that they
know of. So they had a couple of suggestions.
And by God, I took them up on it. I'm going to
be doing these. And you'll notice them. You'll
notice them when you hear this broadcast. You're
going to notice some new things in there. So
anyhow, so. I got bored with that, you know,
screwing with them. And I started a new campaign
of terror pretty much on my phone and my algorithms.
I got to observing the commercial patterns on
Spotify, right? So I'm sitting there. I must
have had a lot of time. Oh, I was in the hospital.
I had time. Yeah, you had time. Yes. So I started
screwing with algorithms. I'm like, all right,
okay. I got to observing the commercial patterns
on Spotify. And it's the same with all the other
music services. Like I said, I'm not picking
on them. I love them. I use them. I noticed that
it was checking to see how many commercials I
would tolerate, probably hoping that I would
buy the premium or absorb more commercials. Spotify
went up to four commercials in 45 seconds, and
I felt that needed a trimming. So here's what
I did. First thing I did was every time my commercials
went to 40 seconds, I shut them off and wouldn't
return all day. Then after a week of this, The
ads were trimmed down to just under 40 seconds,
Rob, but still four ads. They still made sure
they got their four ads in, but they made sure
it was right under 40 seconds because I kept
shutting it off at 40 seconds. Okay, so it said,
all right, let's give them 39 seconds, but let's
fit four ads in there. You see what I'm saying?
So my next step was... to screw with the algorithms
again so i would turn the ads off every time
at 35 seconds to see what they do right so after
a week of this it started trimming the commercials
down to 30 seconds and it's still trying to give
me four ads at a time but dude it's comical i'm
telling you these ads are so fast because they're
trying to fit four of them in there and they're
trying to get me to listen to every one of them
right so The ads are like hyperspeed. Like, hey,
you need a truck? I mean, it literally sounds
like Mickey Mouse trying to sell you something.
And it's funnier than hell. So I'm going to go
down to 25 seconds and see if it's going to try
to do that at all or if it's just going to give
me three commercials. But as you can tell, I
was really bored. And I got a little bit to say
about that a little bit later. It's a little
bit more serious about what I'm going to get
into later. but that's for later. That's not
for right now. So, anyhow, I was going to say
that it looks like sunburn lotion is going to
stay on the shelves because the late goers, you
know, I'm hoping they have cable because of all
the rain, but it sounds like they're down there
doing it anyhow. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, you know,
I thought there was going to be a bunch of...
Yeah, this place is packed. Okay, well, okay,
forget it. This is the beginning of season. What
we call season. Memorial Day to Labor Day. Yeah,
this is busted time. Any tourist area calls it
that. And no, this is their bread and butter.
All of those resorts down there, they're making
their money now until Labor Day. Yeah, and then
they save that to make it through the winter.
Yeah, yep. And a lot of them go south for the
winter. Just like construction. Oh, yeah, same
thing. It's just like Eureka Springs. You know,
a lot of the business owners don't even open
up from, I think, probably mid -November. Well,
they usually last it out. That's not true. They
usually last it out until Christmas because they
have a big Christmas celebration down there.
Right after Christmas, a lot of them, they tear.
They shut their business down because they're
retired and they're running it, so they can do
that. They'll shut their business down until
about April. Some of them mid -March. Just depends
on the weather and everything. And they'll go
Florida or somewhere else. But they won't be
down there hanging out in the weather. They go.
And I imagine probably a lot of people that have
their resorts there at work at the resorts probably
do the same, don't they? Yeah. Well, yeah, a
lot of them shut down. But a lot of them stay
open, too, because you have down here. Christmas
time is a big thing. Yeah, that's true. That's
true. So, we shut down usually right after Christmas
and open up about March. Okay. But season, technically,
any tourist area you go to is Memorial Day to
Labor Day. Yeah. But here, we stay busy quite
a bit. Just like Branson. Yeah. Yeah, Branson's
always busy. Yeah. Christmas to about end of
March, beginning of April. Yeah, and then that's...
Yeah, winter, winter. Winter, pretty much. It's
shut down. Yeah. It doesn't really get so damn
bad. Yeah, and there's so many curvy hills here.
Nobody goes down there. No, it's true. I wouldn't
want to drive in those hills down there with
ice or snow on the ground. That'd be horrible.
I mean, it's bad enough up here. We have hills,
but not like down there. Yeah, you hate it. Yeah.
Because you don't know if you're going to make
it up that hill or not. Yeah. Yeah, no, I've
been there before. We get half an inch of snow
and it shuts us down for a day. That's because
of all the hills. If people have never been there,
they don't understand these hills. These hills
are really abrupt. They go straight up. They
turn. They curve at crazy angles. They go back
the other way. I mean, if you don't know them,
they're really hard to navigate. And even if
you do know them, they're still hard to navigate.
So no one wants to go on there. If you come to
the Lake of the Ozarks, make sure you have good
brakes. Just saying. You're going to be able
to stop going down that hill. Yep, and preferably,
also, four -wheel drive. But if you don't have
that, good brakes, like Rob said. Yeah, good
brakes. Stop yourself from going down the hill.
Yeah, yep. There's hills down there. Yeah, there's
a lot of them. You know what? Just do a Google
search if you're that inclined on the terrain,
driving terrain around, I don't know, Lake of
the Ozarks, Ozarks, whatever, Ozark Mountains,
all that stuff, and you'll see what we mean.
That covers some here down in Arkansas, actually,
if you look up Ozark Mountains. Yeah, and then
Arkansas is a whole different thing because the
roads aren't nearly as well kept, and Missouri
roads suck. Oh, hell no. Missouri roads suck
bad, but Arkansas roads, fuck. Arkansas is one
of the roads that I was like driving up a mountain,
and the road ended. No signs or nothing. I'm
just like, I didn't know quite where I was at,
but I knew where I was trying to go, right? And
I'm going up, it was the, I forgot the name of
the mountain. I think it might have been the
Mark Twain National Forest still. And it goes
into Arkansas, doesn't it, a little ways? Okay.
Well, I was going up this big hill, and it was
a paved road, and I think it was a state road,
not a county road. I'm pretty sure it was, by
the way it looked and the name of it and all
that, you know. It was a lettered highway, so
that would mean a state. I'm going straight up
it, excuse me. All of a sudden, no signs or nothing,
it just ends. Bunch of trees. I'm like, what
the fuck? I had to turn around and go back and
find another way. I couldn't believe it. Nowhere
did it say, dead end, don't go up, nothing here,
you know, nope. I just had to get up there and
find out. I got a little story, something similar
to that. Oh, go ahead, Rob. Yesterday on 44 Highway.
Oh, I -44, the death trap? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
I love Bonita, Oklahoma. Been there a lot of
times. That's what I was telling you the other
night. I said, go to that McDonald's. Oh, okay.
It used to just be... It is. It's a giant McDonald's
and other stuff that goes over the highway. Okay,
but here's the problem. If you're coming from
Oklahoma into Missouri, then there is an outer
road that leads up to a bridge that has an extra
ramp to where you get out of the highway and
keep going. But if you're heading... we were
on that side of the highway. Uh -huh. Because
it's like a truck stop. You know, you have one
side of the highway and the other side of the
highway. And the building goes over the highway.
It's like a skywalk, you know? It started out
as a Howard Johnson's. Did you know that? Well,
here's the thing. Yeah, it did. It did. Okay.
Well, here's the thing. to come back home? Uh
-huh. We had to drive seven miles deeper into
Oklahoma to Bay Cabin to turn around to come
back. That's a pretty good little trek just to
turn around and come back. I never realized that.
Okay. Yeah. I've always stopped there on the
way back. Yeah, when you're going. Wow. To get
a perspective on this, it's about 30 miles west
of Joplin, about? Yeah, on I -44. Yes, that's
what I was getting ready to get at. It's all
done with satellite. I'm waiting on a bill to
go down to, you know, further into Oklahoma and
turn around and come back. Uh -huh. And by that
point, you're in the toll area. And there's a
sign that says they can't get off your license
plate. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, they do. And they'll
send you the bill in the mail. And they'll bill
you one way. I've had them from Florida. They
sent them to me six months later in Florida.
I'm waiting for a bill. I'm waiting for a bill.
I think they call it the Sunshine Way in Florida.
I'm going to catch my ass, build a fucking turnaround
right there, and then I wouldn't have to pay
this toll. Yeah. Yep. No, I know what you mean.
Florida is a lot like that, too. And they sent
me a bill like six months later. And I thought
it was a scam. That's how long ago it was. And
so I had to look it up. Well, there are scams
like that going around right now. I've been getting
them on my phone. Just text saying you owe toll
charges. I live in Missouri. We don't have no
fucking toll. You know? I had to call down there.
It is an internet scam that everybody needs to
be aware of, and I'm sure a lot of people have
heard about it by now. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's one
of the older scams, actually. It's one of the
older ones that they started doing. I actually
had to call down there to Florida, and the lady
was like, oh, yeah, this is from February or
something. I think I was actually on a work trip,
and I didn't realize it. Anyhow, I think I just
turned it over to them, if I remember correctly,
went in and said, hey, this is your guy's shit.
pay it so anyhow i guess it took him a while
to find me because i had a rental car yeah so
i guess the rental car after dicking with them
for a while said okay here's the guy that rented
it go after him well normally they have a little
box on there and is it figured in your toll when
you go pay the uh when you go pay the bill for
the rental car Usually there's a little box on
there that collects that information. They take
it out of there. It's like, okay, he's got $30
in toll. Okay, add it to the bill that he owes
for renting this car for a week. So you actually
already paid it? Not according to them. Well,
I gave it to my work, if I remember correctly.
I think so. It was quite a few years ago. I gave
it to them. And it was like, hey, this is six
months ago. I don't know why I got it now, but
I unraveled it. Here it is. It's a work trip.
have fun whatever so um yeah they could argue
it with them because then they could look back
at hertz because we used to rent from hertz all
the time um they could go back to hertz and find
out look for the invoice and then find out because
they have records on all that if uh if they paid
it or not so anyhow i don't know i never checked
in with them again i didn't really give a shit
you know i gave it to them because it wasn't
mine so um you remember um me bragging up kinder's
brand wood fire garlic spice Oh, this shit is
so good. I'm still looking for it. I'm still
looking for it. Rob, I will get you one. I can't
find it down there. I'm going to get you a big
one. I found Costco has huge ones, dude, and
for like half the price of everywhere else. So
I'll get you one, and when I come down to Lake
of the Ozarks to stay at the lake house I was
talking about, that'll be one of the things I'll
bring with me. That stuff is good. Yeah, for
me to get to a Costco, I just want to be an hour
away. Okay. And Springfield, there's one in Springfield
also. Oh, that's right. I forgot. You're more
in Central. Oh, okay. Tomorrow, don't do a damn
thing, Rob. Pamper yourself. I'm cleaning my
carpets. Oh. And doing my laundry. I've had three
days off. I love it. I love it. Okay. Well, I
mean, you know what? At least you... But you
know what? I'm spoiling my kids. You know? You
know what? I get that opportunity. That's what
I'm saying. You know what? You see the kids grow
up so fast, and then they become different. You
still love them, but you remember how they were.
You know, it just goes so fast, you know, those
magical years. Right. I know. I know. Yeah. Relive
that with your grandchildren, you know. I'm working
on it. Yeah. I'm working on it. Yeah. So what'd
you do? Yeah, it is. So, um, okay. So anyhow,
I've been getting people coming at me with this
new cowboy butter spice. Have you heard of that?
No. Um, it's okay. I had some, uh, good. It sounds
good. Yeah, it was. It sounds good. It was good.
Well, that's why I tried it. Everyone said, you
got to try that cowboy butter. I did. I got some,
um, So I just ordered it from Amazon and it came
in the mail. So I had some pork chops that I
was getting ready to grill. I had a little propane
left and I was like, yeah, I'm going to use that
shit up. So I put on the cowboy butter on three
of them. Then the other three I put on wood -fired
garlic on the other ones. So I had a little taste
test, right? I tried them both and the cowboy
butter is really good, but the wood fire garlic
is even better. But then I got smart and I mixed
them. I mixed them 70 % wood fire garlic and
30 % cowboy butter. The stuff was incredible.
I'm telling you, I can't wait to do a brisket
with those spices. Oh my God. I'm going to need
them in like, like, you know, like if you're
doing dough, bread dough or pizza dough. Oh,
I'm going to just, what I'm going to do is I
already got this in my mind and I can't wait.
Do you ever brine a brisket, Rob? I have not
in years. Okay. Well, I use orange juice. Not
since I worked in the industry, put it that way.
Okay. Okay. Well. I love to brine them whenever
I get a chance, and you use a cooler is the best
thing you can do, is that way it keeps your brisket
cold enough to where it doesn't spoil. So you
get a cooler, and you get, probably depending
on the size of the brisket, probably two of those
concentrated orange juice cans, right? Throw
them in there, throw some water and ice in there,
and you let your brisket sit in there for about
four days, and you let that citrus just... soak
into the pores and then you take that brisket
and you sear off the meat side to give a nice
crisp um and lock in the juices and then you
flip it over and you smoke it for a while and
i'll tell you what with this with this spice
on there the cowboy butter slash a wood fire
garlic i i'm telling you what man i'm I'm going
to do a report when I do this. It's probably
a month away or so. I've got too much other stuff
I've got to do. But I'm going to give a report
on this. I'm going to smoke with apple, cherry,
and hickory. And then what you do whenever you've
got that sweetened... Do you like apple and cherry
or not? I like apple, yes. Okay. Cherry... Well,
I think maybe you got city cherry. City cherry
has a real rancid taste. If you get cherry from
the country, it's really sweet and it's mellow.
You probably got city cherry. I'm not joking
you. For real. There's a difference. Anyhow.
I know I like apple and I like hickory and I
like mesquite. Okay. All right, and then you
use the spicy sauce after that. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Yeah, now you're talking. Absolutely. Yep.
So, anyhow, I got some other stuff, but I'm not
going to get into it, Rob. We're going to get
into something of yours, then we'll come back
and I got a little thing to say. But go ahead,
Rob. All right. I'm going to move into some lights
of the Ozark news. We love it. And this one's
a cool one. Ozark Law is back for season two.
Can you believe it? The show is currently in
production with a premiere. Okay, you lose it?
No, the Duke is calling me. Oh, here, let's put
this on pause. Answer him, okay? Alright. All
right, well, we had a brief pause and the Duke
hung up, so we assume it's nothing too important.
So, anyhow, go ahead, Rob. Yeah, yeah, let me
get back to it. Oh, okay. The show is currently,
we're on Ozark Law on A &E, back for season two.
The show is currently in production with a premiere
will be announced later this year. The Osage
Beach Police Department confirmed on Friday.
Season 1 of Ozark Law aired January 2025 on A
&E and received praise from viewers as well as
the community. From the quirky last episode with
a guy, or first episode, with a guy and zipper.
If you've seen it. Mm -hmm. That does suck. Yeah.
That's going to be cool. So they're going to
be filming all the shenanigans, huh? No, they're
already filming. Oh, good. Good, good, good.
I will look forward to that. Awesome. Let's see
what they got. And just so everybody knows, not
the whole lake is the crazy stuff you see on
TV. No, no. A lot of people go down there. We
have a quiet side. Yeah, yep. Yep, there's a
lot of people go down there in a cabin and that's
all they want to do. They don't want to do much
else. They might do a little fishing out on the
boat, but that's all they do. We have everything
for everybody. If you want to get crazy, go over
there. Yeah, yeah, they have party coves. Come
around here or other parts of the way. And it's
real easy, the party coves. As I remember, you
just start driving up and you go, hey, where
is the party at? And everyone will point you
to the cove. They'll go, yeah, yeah, go around
there, go around there a mile, marker 10, right
there, go to the left. And there you go. There's
the party. Oh, no, no, it's changed. Oh, has
it? A little bit different. Okay. Yeah, now you
pull up, ask where the party's at. Uh -huh. Yeah,
fingers pointing everywhere. You know what? It
has been a long time since I've been down there.
Okay. Okay. All the bars on the lake. Yeah, there's
going to be fingers pointing everywhere. Yeah,
they built it up a lot. All right. Okay. That's
why I stay in the bunker as much as I can. Just
saying. Good thing you have all the canned food
there. You don't have to get out. Yes. If I do,
it's a five -minute walk or a four -minute drive.
Once I get out, I start the truck. And then he's
back in the bunker. All right. As everyone knows,
you know, I had that health thing and, you know,
had to go into the hospital and all that. The
hardest thing I've ever had to do, to full disclosure
here, is watch my mom agonize in pain when they
put my dad and my brother in the ground. That
is the worst thing you can imagine. There's nothing
you can do to help her. This woman, you love
her. She walks on water. You know, everybody
knows I'm a mama's boy. Rob, you're a mama's
boy, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. God rest her soul.
Great woman. Okay. The second hardest thing I've
ever done is admit that I need an ambulance and
admit I needed help. I have been talking with
people at work. Yeah, it sucks. Us as men have
this enormous pride and we're taught. Rub some
mud on it. You feel strong and you ain't got
that strength. Yeah, at one point you need to
figure out. We're all mortal. Rub some dirt on
it. Doesn't work after a while. And let me explain
to you a little bit more. I talked to several
people at work and I think maybe my experience
might have done them some good. A couple of them
are in their 50s and have never had a physical
checkup. Never. That is why. You know all these
widows, right? Do you know any widowers? Think
about it. There's probably 20 widows and maybe
one widower. Men die before women. Why is that?
I think pretty much because we don't go to the
doctor enough. We're hard -headed. See, it's
not just me. Thank you. Everybody is. I was like
that, too. Thank you. I'm telling you, men, it
is. My whole family is on me. You didn't get
to the doctor. Why? I'm telling you what. All
they do is take my money and tell me what I already
know. I'm telling you what. If I had not been
under a doctor's care for quite a while now,
you know, undiagnosed, untreated high blood pressure
can ruin your kidneys, make you go blind. It
can kill you and will kill you. The same way,
especially diabetes. If you don't know you have
diabetes, you are fucked. Your pancreas is going
to be toast, and guess what? You're going to
be dead. But it's not going to be an easy death.
So what I'm saying here is not to scare people.
I'm telling you, men, go to the doctor. I think
I've done some good. I've talked to some friends
of mine, and they seem to have an understanding
now that this needs to happen. I'm not telling
you this to scare you. I'm telling you it's because
of fact. And I'm telling you once again, think
of all the widows you know. And think of all
the widowers you know. Mark, I get it. I get
it. Yes. Our insurance company at work, at the
first year, we had to get a physical. Our rates
were going to double. Yep. You know what I mean?
So we went and took a physical, and then they
started talking to me about, colonoscopy. Well,
I got a Cologuard kit sitting in here. That's
embarrassing as hell. Do you know why insurance
companies do that, Rob? Because, okay, if you
treat what you have, like high blood pressure
or diabetes, they're not going to have to pay
for you to sit there and get a liver transplant.
You see what I'm saying? Well, I understand that.
I understand that. Uh -huh. Yeah, it's just that...
feeling undrunk. I gotta take it because my insurance
paid for the kit. It's just embarrassing. You
know what? I go in for a colonoscopy and... See,
I don't have to do that. I gotta send my shit
in the mail. I do a colonoscopy because it's
more thorough. But, I mean, ColoGuard's a good
start. Anyhow, that's enough of that. You know,
I just wanted to mention it. So, anyhow, the
ambulance was second of the hardest thing I ever
had to do. And like I said, that is because of
our pride. We're all like that. We're all like
that. Drop it and go make sure there's nothing
wrong with you. And I'm talking as soon as you
can, guys. I assume a lot of people listening
to this, a lot of them are men our age. Because
this is our humor. This is what we grew up on.
Please do it. Yeah, we're getting it serious.
We need to do it. I mean, don't you want to see
your grandkids get married? I think everybody
wants to see that. Exactly. There's only one
way to do that, and that is to make sure you
have proper care. So, guys, do it. And we're
going to go. We're going to cut for a minute
here. And you're going to hear some ha -ha's.
And then we're going to come back with some emails.
Does that sound good? All right, we'll be right
back. Miss Gulkenstein was tired of Mark and
Toe for making sport of her. Little did the douchebags
know, Miss Gulkenstein was a voodoo high priestess
when she was younger. She grew angry and cast
a spell on Rob, changing Rob into a capuchin
monkey. Mark took Rob to a local zoo so he could
be with the other monkeys. Here are the adventures
of Rob, the capuchin monkey. Shh, be very quiet.
We're going to listen in as Rob the Capuchin
Monkey tries to sell the rest of the Capuchin
Monkey's Amway. Rob has always dreamed of becoming
a Diamond Status Amway as a Capuchin Monkey.
Little did our hero Rob know. All the great apes
owned stock in Sam's Club and became violently
pissed off when he tried to infringe on their
territory. They promptly grabbed switches and
beat his ass for three days straight. Rob could
not sit down. Oh, hey, look at the time. It's
time for the crazy -ass word of the day. As much
fun as an electric can opener to the scrotum,
two douchebags and a microphone. You watch the
news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have the
post -apocalypse. Okay, so you have your bunker
set. And what do you do inside this bunker to
give you the readiness if an apocalypse occurs?
Here are some products you will probably use.
Zip ties, duct tape, fishing line, a needle and
thread, matches or a lighter, scissors, safety
pins, super glue, bungee cords, parachute cord,
sugar, salt, pepper, garlic, and chicken and
beef bouillon cubes. Crusty's Instant Pancake
Mix, Jiffy Muffin Mix, or Bisquick, or all the
above. Powdered milk, cocoa, instant coffee,
or other dry beverage mixes. canned meats like
tuna, chicken, salmon, and sardines, canned and
dry soup like Lipton and Knorr noodle packages,
nuts, peanut butter, jelly or honey, breakfast
bars, cereals, packaged oatmeal, low salt crackers,
Ritz crackers, ram crackers, or animal cookies,
canned and dry vegetable and fruit, and this
should get you started. And now, a brand new
feature, strange insults from an alien. May your
mother come to talk to you. And then leave your
door slightly ajar. So that you may have to get
up and close it. Hi all. This is Chicago. I am
the most dangerous city in North America. You
can't touch me. Oh yeah? This is Kansas City
here. Hold my beer, bitch. Two douchebags and
microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first world problems. My driver's
license picture makes me look older. I'm calling
a lawyer. Two deuce bags of microphone on Mark
on the extreme southern tip of the Kansas City
area. And I am Rob at the beautiful Niagara Arm
of Lake of the Ozarks. If you don't believe me,
come on down. Yes, it is beautiful. And the best
part of Lake of the Ozarks is the Niagara Arm.
It is a spring fed lake. Clear, beautiful water.
So go there or Rob will hunt you down and beat
you. Yeah, if you go down there, get a hold of
Rob, he will give you a poster of him in a loincloth
doing the show. Oh, oh, oh, update. Okay. Go
ahead. I got my KY -102 shirt. Yeah. Okay, you
might be wearing a KY -102 shirt. And a loincloth.
Huh? I said you might be wearing a... Yes, I
am. Yes, I am. I'm wearing my KY -102... You
know, they talk Kansas City. They rock Kansas
City. We talk Kansas City. Okay. Yeah, I agree.
Okay. Anyhow, that was really ruined because
I said it backwards. so i know yeah let's just
let's just move on i did i tried oh thank you
for trying to save me rob i was unsavable it
turns out so all right first one rob you should
start a fishing guide service in your loin club
you could call it fishing with tarzan renee and
valentine i think uh nebraska probably I'm looking
for a retirement job. There you go. I just imagine
you doing that thing. Renee, whoever you are,
we love you. That was fucking awesome. Yeah,
I think it'd be a great gimmick. Hey, if you
go over there, that guy's in a loincloth and
it's called Fishing with Tarzan. Everyone's going
there. Honestly, I might. I might honestly try
that as a retirement gig. Over here, we got Henry,
the old man, or we got Rob. It would go over.
I think it would go over. There's a loincloth
below. Thank you. Renee, I don't know if you
know how brilliant you are, but you are, so.
Okay, next one. Mark, I recently revisited Bubba
Clem's show, Bubba the Love Sponge, because you
still listen and like it. I must admit, it took
me a minute or three shows to get accustomed
to the newer people and format. I have to say,
I do like it. Thanks for the information. I get
so bored here in KC with its lame radio. Ross.
Yeah, I mean, the show is completely different
than it used to be, but I still like it. It still
entertains me. Yeah, I'm glad you picked it up
and like it. I mean, yeah, I... I listen to it.
I don't listen to it all the time. I only have
so much time I can divide my attention. But whenever
I get a chance, like if I'm working out in the
yard or something, I'll go and I'll go find it
and listen to, you know, listen to it for a little
while or sometimes on the way to work, I will
or something. So I'm glad you enjoy it. Next
one. Ross in Kansas City. Do you know one? Ross?
Have you emailed us before? Because I'm thinking
of another email from Ross. Okay, I can totally
believe that. It's just sticking out with me.
I think he might be. I think you're right. I
think you're right, and he was Ross in Kansas
City on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,
damn, I can't remember what he wanted. I can't
hear, but I'm recognizing the name. Ross, Ross,
keep writing us, man. We love you. Thank you.
Thanks for listening. Anyhow, I'm honored that
you listened to my show and his, and we're in
somewhere in that, you know, I know we're not
nearly as good, but I'm just happy to be in the
ballpark. So if that's what you call it. So anyhow,
next one. Rob, do you use vanilla bean or vanilla
extract on your scones recipe? Ralph and Marathon,
hopefully Florida. Well... Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Read that again. Rob, do you
use vanilla bean or vanilla extract for your
scones recipe? Ralph and Marathon. What the fuck?
Okay, my first question is who the... said I
made stuff. That's what I'm thinking. That's
why I'm cracking up. That word has never came
out of my mouth. Sorry. Sorry, dude. It's like
the people asking me for the biscuit recipes.
I think it's one person fucking with us. I don't
know. Now, if you want to know about apple fritters
and bear claws, I can tell you about. There you
go. Or glazed donuts. I can give you... I know
nothing about. I'm from the middle of Missouri.
I can give you my scones recipe. You want to
hear my scones recipe? It's called Corollos up
at the city market. Corollos. That's my scones
recipe. Just go up there and get them. There
you go. Oh, I got a guy that's going to produce
a fuckhammer flyer. He has it from back in the
day. He's got to find it. Seriously? Seriously.
He's going to email me. He's going to photocopy
it and email it to me, and then I can print it
out for you and me. I cannot believe it. I cannot
believe it. Okay, it's Johnny. Yes, it's Johnny
in Overland Park, but his name's not Johnny.
He's doing it. He's the one that reminds me of
all this shit that happened in Westport. I used
to go to him. Anyhow. All right. Thank you, Johnny,
and I can't wait for that. All right. Hey, guys.
I hear a fuckhammer statue will replace the fireplace
for the burnt district. Oh, we can only hope.
We can only hope. Yeah. Rob, this one hurt. This
one hurt, though. I mean, as much as Mitch gave
us some props there, right? He's getting ready
to stab us right in the heart. Listen to this.
We are also going to the Filthy Bean in Nashville
to try out the new stage. Rick has a new Fuckhammer
breakfast blend coffee. Okay, I'm late for the
plane. See ya. Mitch on the go to the Filthy
Bean in Nashville from the scenic Lake Freeman
Massey Creek arm. He had to go there. Dude. Mitch,
we love you, but... has been listening to us
for a long time. I know. We have not mentioned
a filthy scene in a while. Well, you know what?
I gotta take this like this. If anyone deserves
a blend of coffee like we got, it would have
to be Fuckhammer, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I
shouldn't take it so personally, though. Okay.
I was like, man. Yeah. Yeah, they're gonna be
down there playing. Bitch, you're surprised.
And every time I think I know who Mitch is, it's
not. So, I don't know. I know. Yeah, he's listened
to a lot of shows. Mitch, thank you. For real.
And I hope a fuckhammer statue goes in place
of that fireplace. Oh, we can only hope. First,
I hope we put bear pheromones on it. Yes, I want
to put bear pheromones on it. Then a bear will
fuck that statue down and no one's stopping a
bear. And then we can put up the fuckhammer statue.
So there we go. agreement. Buckhammer statute.
Yes. Okay, next. Mitch, you've taken over. Hasn't
he taken over? I mean, now like that... Wait
a second. Now we're getting an email for Mitch.
Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Okay, go on.
No, Mitch has taken over. I mean... It seems
like the show's focus is on Mitch now. I mean,
he is taking it over. He's fantastic. He's always
coming. I don't know how many times, like I said
last time, how many times can you come up with
fuckhammer stuff? So, anyhow. He must be severely
bored. He's all the time emailing. At least he's
not fucking with his algorithms like me. He's
doing something a little bit more. All right.
Hey, Mark. Yeah, which we love. Keep fucking
with us, Mitch. All right. Hey, Mark. You have
convinced me to get a checkup. I seem to have
some sort of heart fluttering lately. Yes, do
it. I have an appointment with a cardiologist
in June. Thank you, Jimmy Omaha. Jimmy, for real.
All kidding aside. Yes. Your heart fluttering?
They can take care of? But if you don't take
care of it, it will take care of you. That's
the way it is. Well, I lost my dad to heart disease.
So did I. So, yeah. My dad, my brother, my grandpa.
All three. Both of us. We're both to heart. We're
big on our hearts. Yep, yep. Heart disease got
the trifecta. They got the trifecta, and they're
not going for the four -peat. Fuck them. They're
not getting me. So, all right. Mark, I truly
love your honesty about the medical funding.
You brought up some points I've never considered.
I am a Trumper, but don't follow him blindly.
Thank you again. Ronnie in Tulsa, the Tulsa King.
Yeah. Yeah. Like I said, man, it wasn't aimed
at anybody in particular, but for real, we need
funding for stuff like that. People are living
a better quality life than ever before. We need
to keep that funding up. And I read some stuff
that would indicate that maybe a lot of that
stuff is not going to be cut. I pray that that's
the deal. And look, I know there's a lot of governmental
waste, and I don't blame them for doing it. Okay,
what? Okay, Ronnie from Tulsa, Tulsa King. This
is my fault. We do not have... You know what?
I changed my list. I put four new songs on there
today. Because I was on my way to work listening
to some old tunes. I haven't had a chance to
even look at it. Well, I'm glad I have extra
days because there's stuff that I didn't get
to that I want to re -listen to. And I was like
just amazed. I was listening to some... Yeah,
I had some changes I want to make, but I've been
busy. I've had two, three days off, but I've
been busy both days. Two days. Tomorrow is my
day. Yeah. Yep. So tomorrow... Tomorrow he's
going to be in his loincloth. Only. Only. Only.
Not even his KY shirt. No. His loincloth, that's
it. Don't you have a ritual? I'm going to be
cleaning my carpets. Okay. Okay. Yeah, cleaning
my carpets is my ritual. All right. And don't
ask what cleaning his carpets is code for. Okay?
Just go on. Just go on. I'm going to be cleaning
my carpets. I have two dogs. Oh, okay. All right.
One is like 13, 14 years old, tail, bladder.
Oh, I know. We have an almost 18 -year -old chihuahua.
Yep. Yep. The 18 -year -old chihuahua, we clean
up after her gladly because it's her world. We're
just in it. Cookie. Yeah, we're lucky they're
still alive. Absolutely. I will gladly clean
up her shit and piss. Rob, you got something
you want to go into? Yeah, I do. All right. And
that's the one I ran across a while ago, and
I'm glad I did. All right, cool. You're going
to love it. Okay. It kind of goes into music
creeps a little bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Okay. 52 years after it was first
released on Leonard Skinner's debut 1973 album,
or now it's Leonard Skinner, the band has finally
released an official video for its most iconic
track, Free Bird. Not their best song, but cool.
One of their best. I know, but it gets so much
pub. There are songs so much... Yeah, yeah, I
see that. That's a problem. Everybody's got...
Everybody loves Free Bird, and it was good, but
man, they have songs that are just so much better.
But anyhow, go ahead. Sorry, that's just my own
personal point. But how many people realize that
they didn't even have a video for all these years?
You know how many people, when you mention the
plane crash, they don't know that half of them
died? And then, like, a cousin replaced Johnny
Van Zandt? I mean, his cousin, what is it? Jimmy
Van Zandt or something like that? Was it his
brother? Okay. I think it was his brother. Okay.
Well, anyhow, they had family members replace
some of the members. A lot of people don't know
that, and they still tour. I saw them 10 years
ago, maybe, at the Black Oak Amphitheater. I
was supposed to see them during COVID, and they
got canceled down here. Okay. Yeah. But, yeah,
that's as far as people go. You know, they free
bird on the radio, and that's it. So, anyhow,
Rob, go ahead. The video directed by Max Moore
cuts between an older man and his younger self
looking back with affection at a past romance
and a motorbike. Cool. The video is also riddled
with romantic tropes, including a piggyback ride
during a falling in love. Rob, I got a question
real quick. Does it mention if the band's in
the video, and is it the band that recorded that,
or is it the band that after the crash they replaced
the people with? Or do you know? Well, this doesn't
say. Okay. All right. That's cool. This doesn't
say which band is playing the music. I'm the
only person worried about that, I guarantee it.
2022. Very cool. On the band's big wheels to
keep on turning to it. The show was founding
guitarist Gary Rosington. Yep. Final performance
with the band just five months before his death.
Leonard Skinner's 50th anniversary tour reaches
the UK in June. Support at the UK shows comes.
Why the fuck do I keep it? Oh, it's a damn ad.
Never mind. Okay. Support at the UK shows comes
at BlackBerry Smoke. Few date, and there's a
few dates below. That's a good supporting act
for Skinner. Look into it. Yeah, they bounce
back. Okay. Czech Republic, Australia, Germany,
UK. Very cool. Germany, Germany, Italy, Spain.
But they're going to be in Michigan, Pennsylvania,
New Jersey. Actually, Atlantic City Ocean Casino
Resort, New Jersey. Oh, that'd be a fun trip,
wouldn't it? Okay. Barcelona Rock Fest, Spain.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That'd be cool. That would be
fun. That would be cool. Anyway. All right. Let's
take our second break. Yeah, they're finally
coming out with a video. That's cooler than hell.
That's awesome. That's cool. All right. I'm going
to be interested in that video, too. I'm going
to definitely watch it. So, anyhow. Yeah. All
right, thank you, Rob. Let's take our second
break, and we'll come right back. Sound good?
Yep. All right. So you want proof that we love
you here at QD Spades and Microphone Central?
Here's a proof right here. How about the drink
of the week? Hey, my party pilgrims. How about
Norwegian's famous pineapple coconut mojito?
One and a quarter ounce Bacardi coconut rum,
one ounce pineapple puree, three pieces of lime
wedges. six pieces of mint leaves, and one half
ounce of simple syrup. You garnish ginger candy
on a pick, orange wilt, and a mint sprig. Take
a 12 -ounce glass, shake all ingredients together,
and strain over fresh ice and top with soda.
How about a splash of 7 -Up Sprite or ginger
ale just for a little extra pizzazz? Yo mama's
so fat, she went out in high hills and struck
oil. Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time
for brand new featured news nobody gives a shit
about. An 80 -year -old Bulgarian man has the
record for the longest nose hair ever at three
feet. Jam X. What the hell happened? You were
the generation of change. You never wanted to
be one of them. Apathy spoke for you. Fuck the
man. Fuck the system. What the hell happened?
The generation of angst? The generation of non
-compliance? Is now buying a boat? You're really
fed up to kill someone who dangled a dollar near
you? Great job, Xers. Everything's ruined. Hello.
This is Satan. You might know me from my pet
name, Inflation. I'm here to tell you that there's
no better way to relax than listen to two douchebags
in a microphone by a nice warm fire at night.
I sit there and I reflect on all the souls I
burned that day. Enjoy. Next time you take a
dump, listen to two douchebags in a microphone.
It's been proven in laboratory rats to relax
your anal canal. Get in comfort. Hey everybody,
this is Uncle Rob. I'm going to give you some
tips for life. This is Uncle Rob's rules to dick
pics. Rule number one. Type of a pic in someone
else's name, as long as you get busted, is not
yours. Rule number two, shoot angles complementary
to your length and curve. Rule number four, no
propping of the leg. Absolutely no undercarriage.
Very important. Harambe does not listen to our
original show, Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio
Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might
ask why Harambe never listens to our original
show, Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is
dead. Senselessly murdered because some idiot
did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Two Dipshits and a Cheap
Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder or any other
show. Sorry, Harambe. Now it's time for pickup
lines from a loser. There's something wrong with
my phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Two douchebags and a microphone. Excuse me. My
name is Mark here in the Kansas City area. And
I am robbing a beautiful nine -wall arm of Wife
of the Ozarks on this beautiful Memorial Day
weekend. That's right. It don't get any better
down there or anywhere else. You know, researchers
are puzzled over the rash of baby monkey kidnappings
on an island in Panama. A fad that one researcher
called all -around disturbing has recently taken
off among a group of young male monkeys. These
adolescents and juveniles have started to kidnap
the infants of another monkey species, seemingly
just for kicks. They're bored. They're bored.
So it's monkeys stealing monkeys. Yes. They're
bored, so they grab them. They don't hurt them,
but I'll go on with this. I thought you were
talking about humans. Nope. monkeys for money,
just like the ant story I came up with. No, thank
God it wasn't that. That's what scientists think
after watching a bunch of male white -faced capuchin
monkeys walking around with baby howler monkeys
clinging to their backs. The perplexing baby
snatchings reported in the journal Current Biology
suggests that humans aren't the only intelligent
species with youngsters that pursue apparently
pointless activities that can be destructive
to other creatures. Rob, I guess we're monkeys
then. Think of all the shit we've done like that.
Yeah, we're monkeys. They're doing it just for
the sake of doing it to reduce their boredom
or have something to do to fill their time and
space in their lives. And I think seeing this
occur in another species is somewhat terrifying
because it kind of reflects a mirror. Like I
said, on the actions that we do as people, said
Brandon Barrett, an expert in animal culture
at the Max Planck Institute of Animal Behavior
in Germany, who is also a research associate
at the Smithsonian. Anyhow, he describes a confusion.
Sorry, I got a cough drop in. I got a little
bit of phlegm. So anyhow, let's see, where was
I? He describes capuchin monkeys as chaos agents
that roam through the forest, ripping up and
manipulating everything in sight. It says they're
similar to humans and chimps in many ways. They're
highly innovative. They're highly explorative,
he says, and they do interesting, strange things.
I said we give them clothes so they can dress
up the monkeys in cool -looking shit. Wouldn't
that be cool? Yeah, let's give them clothes.
And they could put neat little clothes on little
monkeys. And then they'd be carrying them around.
A monkey carrying a smaller monkey with clothes
on them. You'd put like little schoolboy pants
on them. What? I have the hookup on KY102 shirts
now. There you go. We'll give them all little
KY shirts. Yeah! Yeah! There it is! Score. Ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And for the
win. And for the win. Douchebags with KY shirts
for monkeys that get kidnapped by other monkeys
just for the hell of it. I hear trumpets and
violins. I do, too. And so, that's pretty much
the story. Rob, we turn it to you. after that.
That was cool. I love that story when I read
it. I'm like, oh my God. I almost led off with
it. That sounds like one of my stories. I didn't
find it. If we were monkeys, we would have been
the ones doing that. Let's face it. I'm going
to warn everybody in the state of Missouri. Okay.
You ready? I'm ready. Missouri State Highway
Patrol is rolling out its new ghost graphic patrol
vehicles. Have you heard about these? I have
not. Okay, you're all back when me and Shan took
our trip to Salem. Uh -huh. I actually seen one
going down 44, dude. Okay. Okay, the vehicle
features low visibility markings during the day
and become reflective at night. It's ghost graphics.
Oh, okay. These new additions to the MSHP allow
troopers to discreetly monitor for reckless drivers.
Missouri State Highway Patrol Sergeant Shane
Huggs said, Having these vehicles is important
for the safety of troopers. Okay. I have a problem
with that statement right there. Okay. If you
have ghost graphics on your vehicle, how do they
know you're a trooper? How are these graphics
important to them? That's okay. All right. I'll
give you that. Yeah. Do you get where I'm going
here? Yes, I do. I didn't think about that until
you said something. Okay. Well, it goes on to
say the purpose of these vehicles is to monitor
aggressive and dangerous driving. The concept
that we are trying to get out to the monitoring
public is that we should always be doing the
right thing. Even when you think no one's looking.
Huck's added that if anyone is ever concerned
about their safety, when being stopped by law
enforcement, they're always encouraged to call
911. Okay, well, I thought there was a law for
police officers. like a speed trap or something,
they should be visible. That's true. That's true.
Now they're allowed to put ghost graphics on
their vehicle. Didn't they call that entrapment?
I've seen one in person. In the daylight, you
cannot see the graphics. You really have to be
like right next to that wookie. It was on like
a SUV. Wasn't there an entrapment law? I think
it was called entrapment. That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, it's an entrapment law. Huh. I'm going
to have to look that up. It's not allowed to
do this. Entrap us. Okay, well, you know what?
See where I'm going with it? Yes, I do, Rob.
Huh. Yeah, that's kind of bullshit now. during
the day, if you're speeding down the road, you're
fucked, dude. You're not good. Like I said, we
were next to the son of a bitch before I realized
what it was. And I keep forgetting to mention
it, but here I am mentioning it. Yeah, watch
out, man. Yeah, definitely. What a sneaky...
You cannot tell they are cops. You cannot. I've
seen one up close. That's complete shit. So there
goes the entrapment. Yeah, you got... Yeah, you
picked up on what I was saying. Yeah. There was
a law where they have to be visible. Thank you,
Rob. That is very important to remember that.
I mean, I think there's more important things
to be worried about. So far, I've only read it's
in the state of Missouri. Okay. And I can see
that going everywhere. Oh, it will. And I can
see every law enforcement doing away with it.
Yeah. I can see it. Yeah, me too. I like AI coming
on. Mm -hmm. Although AI is helping me do new
skits and bits all the time, I got a plethora
of voices I can use now, which is fucking incredible,
dude. But it also put the voiceover guys out
of work, too. I'm going to throw Chad some work,
because, man, that guy's awesome. Yeah, we've
got to get Chad. Yeah, yeah. He's been with us
for a while. I feel bad, but some of the other
guys that I used, I mean, I just don't need them
anymore. Their voice is a little bit more generic,
so I can replace it with an AI voice. But Chad's
got that radio voice that you can't like really,
at least right now, don't have anything that
stands up to it. Yeah, when you come down, I've
got a piece of equipment I want you to look at,
see if we can add it to what we're hooking up.
That'd be cool. All right. Give it to me. It's
like a mixture for podcast. Oh. Yeah, like a
male voice, female voice. I'll let you check
it out. I think we could probably use that by
the sounds of it. Okay. All right. Yeah, my daughter's
boyfriend gave it to me. Oh, okay. He got it.
He didn't know what to do with it. He gave it
to me. Your podcast, did you use it? Hell yeah.
I had a new one to box, man. We always can use
something that can make us better. Lord knows
we need it. Especially when we're going to start
the Duck Blind Out studio from nothing. Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what. It's going to
be cool when we get everything all set up and
we start doing video. So, I mean, our numbers
are fantastic. I cannot wait to see what the
numbers will be once we start doing live video
on YouTube and Rumble, other ones. Probably.
I want all of them. Twitch, Rumble, all of them.
I want to do all of them. And YouTube. Look,
they don't care. YouTube doesn't care if you
use Rumble. Rumble doesn't care if you use YouTube.
YouTube doesn't care if you use Twitch. So why
not? Why not use them all? So, we'll talk about
that. Yeah. Oh, well. Well, I can tell you this.
So he went overseas and got off Rumble, and they
can't touch him. What's his name? Everybody knows
him. I can't remember his name. Well, from what
I understand, that's why a lot of people are
going to Rumble is because they are freer on
the speech that you can use. Here, let me jump
into my YouTube real quick. Okay, well, I'm going
to go into... Doritos has a new flavor, Rob.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, thank you. He went,
he jumped to love it. And I was watching it.
Yeah, I'm still getting his videos on YouTube.
Very cool. The United States can't touch him.
I think that's awesome. Good. Doritos has a new
flavor. It's guacamole flavor. What do you think?
Well, people are tearing it up. People are grabbing
so many bags at a time that the stores set a
limit on how many bags you can buy at once. So,
I don't know if this is going to be a guest appearance
or not. It's selling so well, I don't know why
they wouldn't just keep it up. Yeah, they're
going to have to keep it coming. They're saying
that this could be another classic like their
staple. They call nacho cheese their staple.
I disagree, and I want to get your appointment.
I want to get your... No, no. Cool Ranch. Their
staple is taco. I thought it was Cool Ranch.
No. Taco was their original, man. Oh, no, no.
No, I love taco Doritos, too. They're hard to
find. And then they moved into nacho cheese.
Uh -huh. Cool Ranch. Cool Ranch. Now they're
everything. Watermelon flavored. And they have
recently come back with the taco. That's good
because people like me wanted them. That's the
best, man. Oh, and I got another one. Have you
seen Coors lately? Coors Banquet Beer, not the
Silver Bullet. Remember those little brown, they
used to serve Coors in those brown keg looking
bottles? Yes. They brought it back with the original
labor. Yeah. Yeah, now, I don't like Coors, but
I would drink one just because of the bottle
and the label. It looks cooler than hell. I saw
one the other day, and I was like, wow, that
is neat. I hope they keep that. That is fucking
awesome. The bottle would have to go into the
studio. Yes, you're right. Yeah. Yep, it'll go
in between my cheese wines. That would be a piece
of art. Yes, I agree. So, yeah, I can't wait
to get one of those. I mean, it'll be pretty
easy to get, but I'm going to hurry up and buy
one just in case it's a gimmick and they take
it away real quick. So, all right, Rob, you got
something you want to go into or you want to
shut this shit show down? I do, I do. All righty.
And this goes back to Lake News. Okay. The dude
that, okay, everybody's heard me report about,
that was in the high -speed pursuit that died
that made Ozark Law the TV show and everything.
Well, there's another report on this subject.
Okay. The Campton man charged with the Class
A felonies of aggravated fleeing and secondary
murder and connection in the pursuit led to now
faces more legal trouble in the courtroom. Okay.
Oh, I wanted to hear this. I wanted to hear this.
Okay. An amended motion filed by the Cambridge
County Prosecuting Attorney's Office is now tacked
on a Class D felony. Yay! Mm -hmm. Okay. Good.
Good, good, good, good. Fucking piece of crap.
The pursuit. Yeah, exactly. That's why I want
to make this do things. The pursuit, August 31st
of 2024, started near Passover Road and ended
when he crashed the car he was driving on Route
A near Richland. Officer Felicia Carson and the
secondary... That piece of shit is walking around
free. Okay. Good, good. He's going to have years
tacked on to years. I want that piece of crap
locked up forever. That pisses me off, too. Yeah.
Yeah. Rob, I got a question. Do you want to keep
going? Okay, let's take a third break. And the
reason a third break is, I have new stuff that
I want to introduce on this podcast, okay? All
right. Yeah? Let's do it. Okay. Hey, my little
pumpkin seeds, this is Johnny Rohypnol with your
music news. In music news, Billy Joel has a brain
disorder and has canceled his tour. Joel, 76,
was diagnosed with normal pressure hydrocephalus,
which affects his vision, hearing, and balance,
according to Yale Medicine. It is a rare condition.
The singer -songwriter took to social media to
share a statement with his fans. This condition
has been exasperated by recent concert performances,
leading to problems with hearing, vision, and
balance, it read. Under his doctor's instructions,
Billy is undergoing specific physical therapies
and has been advised to refrain from performing
during his recovery period. Billy is thankful
for the excellent care he is receiving and is
fully committed to prioritizing his health. The
documentary Ozzy Osbourne, No Escape From Now,
is coming to Paramount Plus later this year.
It offers a personal look at Ozzy Osbourne's
life, his health challenges, and his journey
to potentially perform one last time. The film
explores his recent struggles, including the
impact of a 2019 fall and his Parkinson's diagnosis,
while also showcasing his resilience and sense
of humor. Happy birthday to Claus Meine of the
Scorpions lead vocalist. Turned 77 on May 25th,
he will celebrate at the Chernobyl. Water Park.
Stevie Mix of Fleetwood Mac turned 77. However,
her nasal cabbies turned 300 on May 26. Lenny
Kravitz turned 61 on May 26 as well. He still
looks cool. John Fogarty of CCR turns 80. Too
bad he doesn't know it. Blaze Bailey turns...
Ah, who gives a shit? No Gallagher turns... Ah,
forget that. Guitarist Tom Morella turned 61
on May 30. He might just rage with some audio.
Next. And finally, John Bonham would have turned
77 on May 30th. Well, at least he had fun for
32 years. That is your music news. Now get the
fuck out of here. This is Johnny Rohypnol. That
was your music news. And remember, bar chords
are bullshit. Two douchebags and microphone.
I'm Mark here in the Kansas City area. I'm sorry,
I'm reading this story. Okay, that's cool. A
student was rescued from a mountain twice in
four days, Rob, after going back to find his
phone. This man, identified by police as a 27
-year -old Chinese student, developed altitude
sickness twice after climbing during the peak's
off -season. The 27 -year -old climber made an
emergency call on 22 April after getting altitude
sickness on Mount Fuji. about 3 ,000 meters,
nearly 10 ,000 feet above sea level. It is the
peak's off season when officials urge people
to be aware of incredibly harsh conditions. But
four days later, police said they received another
call to the mountain after the student, who had
not been named, returned to look for his phone
and other belongings he left behind. They said
another climber found him there unable to move
after he apparently developed altitude sickness
for a second time. There is no penalty when a
climber needs to be rescued, but the Chinese
student's case prompted outrage on social media
and calls for him to be charged at least for
a second rescue. Now, I think they should have
made him wait like an extra day or so, let him
sit there and vomit for a bit, right? That'll
learn you a file? Put him in timeout. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, that'll learn you a file. It's like, all
right, yeah, we know you're up there vomiting,
but we're going to go ahead and leave you there
another 10 hours. Why, you ask? Well, because
you're a stupid ass that we had to rescue one
time, and we have a rule here at the rescue desk.
And if we have to go get you for a second time,
yeah, we'll save your life. But you're going
to sit there for 10 hours and vomit as a lesson
learner. So, I mean, but honestly, how different
is it than some guy that keeps needing help for
doing drugs? How many times do you give him Narcan
to help him? You know what I mean? And you give
him, listen. I know people have drug problems
and all that and addictions. It's horrible. And
I wish all of them luck. But, I mean, the guy
that does Narcan constantly and then goes back
and gets fucked up again, I mean, really? You
know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's been
bigger atrocities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you
saved my life. That means I can do more. Yeah,
that type of thing. So I say you make that hiker
wait an extra 10 hours, and I think lesson learned.
I mean, vomit for 10 hours. I vomited for four
hours on the ship. 10 hours I could not imagine.
So that's the end of that story. So, Rob. Clint,
you're on warning. Uh -oh. I took all the Narcan.
I had to throw it in. I had to throw it in. He's
left me alone. Oh, I'm going to shut up. Go ahead.
Well, I've been chiming in, too, so we're double
-cheating. I'm not saying anything because every
time I start to brag, he shows his fucking goofy
-ass face again. So, anyhow, Rob, go ahead. Yeah,
well, he knows I ain't no punk. I'm here to back
you up. Oh, yeah, yeah, he knows. All right.
Okay, well, I have an update on the movie Rust.
Cool. working on the Western movie, Rust, when
the film's set photographer, Helena Hutchins,
was killed in an on -set shooting in 2021, was
released from prison Friday. Uh -oh. 13 months
after her involuntary manslaughter conviction,
New Mexico officials said... Wow. Okay, the parole
runs through May 23, 2026. Oh, a year. She's
on a year of parole. Uh -huh. Wow. The certificate
says she is required to follow the conditions.
Okay. Yeah, so, God, it's been that long, hasn't
it? Yeah, I guess so. I've been following this
story since it started. Mm -hmm. And she did
13 months out of 18 months. So, yeah, I've been
following this story for years. Holy shit. Yeah,
I mean, thanks for keeping up with it, you know?
You didn't just, like, let it lie. So I appreciate
that. It wasn't. It's intriguing, I think. So,
yeah, I get it. Yeah. Okay. Then that's it. You
know, her time's done. Then that's it. Move on.
So, all right. Army of mosquitoes took over an
entire plane, causing passengers to become extremely
itchy and just praying the flight to be over.
A recent Indigo flight from Lucknow to Delhi.
in India, had some unexpected guests that caused
flyers to become extremely itchy and irritated.
The army mosquitoes swarmed and annoyed passengers
on the flight that took off the day after Easter.
For the duration of almost 90 -minute flight,
flyers were left with no choice but to swat away
the pesky bugs. Would that not suck, Rob? Could
you imagine that? Oh my gosh. You know how they
have that like gray cloud comes after you out
in the yard and you're like, oh shit, here comes
the mosquitoes. Yeah. That's on a plane and you're
buckled in. These fucking things are having a
feast, dude. Went past your name, Machida said
the whole flight was spent scratching, swatting,
or just praying for the flight to get over, according
to Jan Press. Airlines don't care, airports can't
manage basic pest control, and passengers are
just expected to take it quietly, said Pandey.
How did these bugs make their way onto the plane?
Supposedly, the in -flight crew said they entered
through the open door according to Luxury Travel
Daily. Well, yeah, I can believe that because,
you know, mosquitoes, they smell your blood.
Yeah. They smell blood. Yeah, they're trying
to get their eggs hatched. That's what they do.
They take your blood and hatch their eggs in
it. So they smelled all that blood on a plane.
It probably was nobody's fault. Well, maybe the
airport could have sprayed for mosquitoes maybe,
right? Right. At the same time, the plane doors
opened for how long? People boarded. I could
see them getting on there. Yeah, I think you
just blame that on just... The doors opened for
a while. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what else
to tell them on this, you know? But they're saying
to prevent the entry of mosquitoes, our aircraft
undergo regular fumigation and patches are placed
on the seats. The rep continues saying, and this
is a rep from the airline, we're also coordinating
with the Indigo airline, we're also coordinating
with the airport to address this effectively.
While we take every precaution, we hope you understand
that mosquitoes can still enter through open
doors. However, many disgruntled flyers weren't
buying this. We just got done talking about that,
right? The door is open. They smell blood. They
come in. They come in to jab you. Here's an idea.
If you get on a plane, wear some off or some
type of bug spray. You won't be faced. Yeah,
yeah. You know, and I'm not playing. I would
blame the airport more than I would the airline.
What about you? Well, it's whoever is watching
the door. Well, I mean, they can't shut the door.
People are boarding. Which would be the airline.
Okay. They should call attention. Hey, we're
getting invaded by mosquitoes. We need to do
something before we take off. You see, I kind
of feel like the airport should have sprayed.
It's an infestation. Well, how is it the airport
when it's mosquitoes? They're in the air. If
you spray, the mosquitoes won't go in where you
sprayed, is what I'm saying. I mean, how come
we don't have that happen at other places? That's
because they spray for mosquitoes and other bugs.
Out on the tarmac? I think they do. You can spray
your yard. You can have a mosquito guy. He's
called Mosquito Joe around here. Mosquito Joe
will come out and spray your yard, and he guarantees
no mosquitoes in your yard for three months.
Then he has to come back out and treat it again.
So, I mean, couldn't they do something like that?
I blame the guy watching the door. Either way,
that sucks. Can we agree that sucks? I think
they should have gave him Aquanet and a lighter.
There, no more mosquitoes, and you can watch
them all fly and burn. Yeah. Hell no. We had
to worry about our hair catching on fire, but,
you know. Yeah, hell yeah. Aquanet and a fucking
lighter would have taken care of those right
then and there. No problems. So, yeah. So, anyhow.
Rob, you know what we're talking about. Yes,
and if you don't Google it, Aquanet lighter,
you'll see some cool shit. That was some awesome
concerts, just saying. Oh, yeah. Yes, they are.
Oh, yeah. We'd shoot like flame balls up in the
air. Oh, hell yeah. I remember I used to try
to get the bands. Now they bitch if you bring
your cell phone in. Oh, I know. I know. God,
I remember watching, I think it was Black Sabbath
a long time ago. People on the upper deck were
throwing half sticks of dynamite, and they were
blowing up above people's heads, about a foot
above people's heads. Fuck, I believe it. I believe
it. Oh, it was insane. I'm just sitting there
going, my God. I searched back in 80s. We're
totally different. I was just a little youngster.
I had no idea shit like this could go on. I'm
like, wow. Yeah, I'm like, if someone's going
to get killed or hurt really bad, well, probably
all of the above. And then you go to a concert
where you have meat thrown at you. Yes. Oh, my
God. That was great. Yeah. Meat and women. Women
and women in torture. Raw meat hitting you in
the face and women in torture racks. You could
never do that nowadays. Oh, my God. I remember
I'm like, how can this get any cooler? Bam, right
in the face. Liver? Oh, this just got cooler.
And Ozzy did it too, but I never got beamed from
Ozzy with some... I did get a pair of his pants
one time. He tore off his pants. He had, you
know, shorts on underneath. Oh, shit. I got them
in my closet right now. They're Ozzy pants. Oh,
hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yep. That was my next...
You had kept it. Oh, yeah. I still got them.
Raw Meat made that concert, which was one of
the best concerts ever. Just took it over the
top. And I mean, I got smacked right in the face
with a piece of raw liver, I believe. It looked
like liver. And instead of me going, fucking
asshole, I'm like, cool! Then you get to throw
it back. That's the cool thing. I tried to nail
Chris Holmes, the guitarist. I tried to nail
him in the face. Ended up, like, hitting his
shoe, and he stepped on it. I'm like, oh, man.
Damn it. There goes that. I wanted to do Chris
Holmes because he was a big, mean son of a bitch.
I wanted to see him get mad. I wanted to see
him get mad because he got smacked in the face.
Him? Oh, I think he would have. Probably. He
didn't care. Have you ever watched Decline of
the Western Civilization Part 2? With Chris Holmes
on there? Remember how smashed he was? And his
mom's over there shaking his head? Imagine that
guy coming after you. He's like 6 '5". That guy
coming after you. It would be funny. Oh, I know,
I know. The funny part is to see him get smacked
in the face with a piece of raw liver. I would
be signing stuff afterwards. Hey, that's the
guy that did it. What I want to see is I wanted
to see him take a bite out of it. That would
have been the coolest. Him going, a bite out
of it, fucking chewing on it, spitting it around.
Yes, that would have been it. Oh, man. Them and
their crazy cod pieces. Saw blade cod pieces.
Their seven inch stilettos that they used to
jump around on stage. That they did not need
because they were so damn tall to begin with.
Oh, I know, but they were like frog jumping in
those fucking things. I'm like, how in the hell
are they doing that? And playing instruments.
How do you do that? I don't know. I think you've
got to be fucked out of your mind to do that.
That's how you do that. Google Wasp with periods
in the middle of it. W period, A period, S period,
you know, on. Google that and take a look at
some of their old footage and then get back with
us. Yes. And you'll see how come Rob and I are
fucked in the head. Right there. And you guys
thought Kiss did it. No. Oh, my God. No, Kiss
actually kicked Wasp off the tour because Wasp
was stealing their thunder. Kiss came out and
people are literally leaving. They're like, I
don't want to see this. They didn't have their
makeup on anymore. They didn't have the huge
stage show. Wasp. A -M -O -I. Oh, yeah. It was
amazing because to blow an established band as
big as Kiss was off the stage was almost unheard
of. And they were primitive. They literally walked
off. They did this with a third of the stage.
They had a third of the stage, a banner that
said Wasp, but they had, you know, the torture
racks and the raw meat and, you know, they did.
For them to do that and blow Kiss off the stage
was an amazing feat as it was. So, anyhow. I
love it. I do, too. All right, Rob. That was
a good time in rock and roll. It was. Very good.
I learned a lot of things I should have never
learned. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Rob, do you want
to keep going or do you want to shut this crazy
shit down? All right, we're going to call this
good, and we will talk to you fuckers Thursday.
No, Tuesday night. Man, where am I going? I don't
know. Tuesday, yes. Yep. All right. Thank you.
Two nights from now. Thank you. Our listenership
is insane, going crazy. Thank you, guys. Thank
you. We love you guys. Have a good night, assholes.
I am going to go look. I have not looked in probably
two months, dude. Okay. And I looked at RSS in
like two months. Yeah. I'm getting ready to look.
We're getting a lot of... I'm getting out of
here and I'm looking. All right. I got a feeling
I'm going to be amazed. You are. So, all right.
Everybody, thank you for listening. Good night,
assholes. Good night, assholes. Oh, no. Looks
like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.