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is Chicago. I am the most dangerous city in North
America. You can't touch me. Oh yeah? This is
Kansas City here. Hold my beer, bitch. Two douchebags
and a microphone. And we are back. From my little
excursion on the ocean and three beautiful islands,
my name is Mark, and this here program is Two
Douchebags and a Microphone. Like I mentioned
before, I am the Kansas City arm of this show.
And I am Rob from the beautiful Niagara Arm of
Lake of the Ozarks. Thank you, Rob. So, first
off, Rob, how you been? Everything going good?
Oh, I've been busy, man. I've been staying busy
as hell. We're working overtime now. Yeah. Overtime
and a girlfriend keeps you busy. And now and
then you have kids on top of that. Yeah. Oh,
yeah, yeah. No, we got home late. Sunday night.
The flight was postponed, but it was okay. It
was only postponed 45 minutes. People miss their
cruise Sunday. Not the one we were on, but the
one that was taken off. We booked a room on South
Beach right next, it's right on South Beach where
we booked it. And we're going to go out and,
you know, go to the beach and hang out in the
ocean and all this stuff. So we get there, we're
there for a couple hours. and these really dark
storm clouds come out of nowhere. And then everything
turned severe. We had 60 -mile -an -hour winds,
quarter -size hail, and none of the planes could
land that had these people in that were getting
ready to get on a cruise boat. So did you see
the video I posted of the two cruise ships going
into the storm? Did you see that? No, I did not
see that one. Well, go to my page. Go to my Facebook
account. Oh, no, no, wait. Okay, that was a vicious
storm. That was the one with 60 mile an hour
winds. You see, they're on a time limit. They
have to go all the way to almost Venezuela. And
that's where the ABC Islands are at, Aruba, Curacao,
and Bonaire, where we went. They're way down
there, so the ships have to leave. If the weather's
bad... People are going to be in there puking
and feeling horrible for a little while. But
that's the way it is. They're on a time limit.
If they're just going to the Western Caribbean
like Cozumel or something, they could go around
it. But this particular cruise, you don't have
a whole lot of options. So they were waiting
for the people. And we're in the airport. And
all of the planes that were going to land in
Miami had to circle around. until this storm
cleared up. And the storm came out of nowhere.
They didn't think it was going to turn severe.
They thought it was going to be a couple bolts
of lightning. And, you know, and that was really
about it. Small hail, maybe. And it just exploded
over Miami. So all these planes were circling
around and all these people were in it. So we're
at the airport and they see, you know, we're
still wearing some crew stuff, me and Balor.
And a guy comes up and he goes, oh, oh, hey,
are you getting ready to go on the boat? And
I'm like, no, we were last week's. And he goes,
oh, man, he goes, we just landed. And we're getting
ready to go on the horizon. And he goes, and
I go, dude, I go, I got some bad news for you,
man. I showed him the video. I go, that's the
horizon. And that's the Mardi Gras. And that
was about four hours ago. They were leaving port.
What? Yes. Oh, shit. I said, if I were you, I'd
get on the phone to Carnival and come up with
a backup plan. He goes, fuck. He goes, man, he
goes, I'm supposed to be here for nine days.
My tickets are nine days later and I don't have
a place to stay in Miami. Me or my family and
his children are over there. I didn't say it
in front of them about the cruise being canceled.
I, you know, I let him break it to him, but they
got their flippers on and stuff. And I'm like,
oh, fuck. So. Yeah, I felt horrible. I felt horrible
telling him. But the reason I told him right
then was, number one, he doesn't waste his time
going to the port. And number two, he can get
on the phone to Carnival and maybe get something
figured out. They have four -day cruises there.
Maybe he could hop on one of them. Maybe they
could accommodate him somehow else. I told him,
I said, look, I said, and he had the insurance.
So he was going to get his money back, but the
fact is he's down there with his children and
his wife, and he wanted to have a vacation. And
I was like, you know, get on the phone to him.
See what you can manage. See what you can finagle.
So anyhow, he was going to do that, and I said,
at the very least, you're going to get your money
back. Use the money that you're going to get
back and book a room on the ocean, and you and
your family relax and have a good time. He was
very appreciative. He goes, man, he goes, thank
you. And he shook my hand. I told him, I said,
I've been through many of these. I like to take
vacations. I've been through many of my plans
getting screwed up. And there's virtually a way
around everything if you're clever enough. So
anyhow, I'm going to go ahead and start with
a little bit of what happened, if you don't care.
Is that cool? I figured you would. Okay. Go ahead.
Okay, well, first off, I'm going to go into the
sun poisoning that I referred to when you posted
about a seagull didn't grab me up. But I got
news for you. A seagull almost did. I was in
the ocean. I thought about that all day. That'd
be perfect. Oh, the seagull was grabbing fish
all around me at Kokomo Beach in Curacao. And
this seagull's like... Right next to me, I'm
like, fuck, man, those things are good. But we
found out through a, oh, I'm not sure what her
title was, oceanographer or something like that.
She said that seagulls, they go blind and they
starve to death. And the, or not seagulls, but
pelicans. I've been saying seagulls. The seagull
was the one dive bombing next to me. Pelicans
go blind when they. They hit the water so hard
to get the fish, it blinds them eventually when
they get a little bit older, and they starve
to death. But this is a pelican, not a seagull.
A seagull is like a rat with wings. They're everywhere.
And you've got to watch them. They'll shed all
over you, too. So, anyhow, there's a seagull
pecking on shit all around me. I'm like, you
little bastard. So, anyhow, but the pelican,
he did the same thing. He is a little bit further
away from me. He was fun to watch. Because you'd
see him, man, he'd be looking all around on the
water. He'd see something down there, poof, he'd
be in it. I mean, and it was graceful and fast.
Okay, so I'm out in the hot tub with seven other
gentlemen, okay, and we're all talking football.
And you know how that goes, right? It feeds off
itself. No, I don't. No, I do not. I do not get
in the hot tub with seven other gentlemen. It's
a cruise ship. There were some women in it, too,
but they all left because they got pissed off,
I think, because we kept talking football. So
we're in there. That's a good chance. Okay, we're
throwing some cash at the bartender guy serving
us in the hot tub. So he's not supposed to do
this. They're supposed to give you one drink
at a time, but I'm, like, giving him some money,
and I go, three red stripes and... A mystery,
some sort of mystery liquor. Okay. He comes back,
three red stripes, mystery liquor. So the other
guys started looking at me going, man, even though
I don't like your team, because your team keeps
kicking my ass. One guy was a Ravens fan. Another
guy was a Bills fan. And they both said, they
agreed. They said. We may not like your team,
but you're pretty cool. Because I told him, I
said, you throw this guy a five when you first
get here and he will do anything. He'll walk
through a fucking wall for you. So I go, watch
this. So I give him seven bucks and I go, hey,
I said, next time you come back, you're going
to have three red stripes and a mystery liquor
for me, right? You betcha. And every time he
did. So we're out there just getting fucking
mangled and slowly, but surely. Everybody around
me starts getting picked off. They're like, oh,
man, fuck, I got to go have dinner. Oh, shit,
man, I have to meet the wife somewhere. Oh, man,
my family's on this cruise. I got to get back
with them. So I'm the only one left. And then
as soon as the last guy left, I have three red
stripes show up and some sort of mystery bourbon.
I'm like, I'm like, well, I really shouldn't
do this. Nah, I'm not a pussy. I fucking slammed
all that, right? The next thing I know, I'm waking
up three hours later in the hot tub. I don't
burn. I may have burned once in my life and I
was brown the next day. You know, lucky me, you
know, I'm Mediterranean, so what this means is...
Yeah, yeah, during the summer, I am seasonal
other. I've always claimed this. Yeah, during
the summer, I get really dark. During the winter...
I can get really light and that's what, you know,
Mediterranean's do. So, um, so anyhow, uh, um,
I was really disappointed in my skin pigment.
I was like, fuck, I was lobster, man. I was beet
red and I was hurting. I'm like, oh shit, man.
And you know, I get out of there and I'm just
like. kind of disoriented. I'm like, man, what'd
I do? I looked at the clock. I've been asleep
for like fucking three hours in the hot tub.
I had my shades on so no one could tell I was
passed out. So, um, I get, I go down to my room
and Val's like, Oh wow, dude, you are red, red.
You look like a fire truck. I'm like, yeah, no
shit. I feel like I'm on fire. So Then I start
to sit down and the room starts spinning. And
not because I'm drunk, because I just woke up,
right? I wasn't drunk. The room starts spinning
and I start vomiting like fucking furiously,
like violently. And I do this for about three
to four hours. And I didn't even know it was
sun poisoning at the time. And it could have
been a little dehydration too. So I'm just like
fucking, oh, I felt like dying. I was like, if
someone gave me a gun at that point, I would
have considered pulling the trigger. I felt that
bad. But this is one thing about a cruise ship.
People that cruise a lot know. People that don't,
don't know this. If you feel bad on a cruise
ship, the worst thing you can do is go to the
hospital on a cruise ship. They keep you there.
I went in there. I found this out because a friend
of mine, Jeff, he went down there because he
had a headache, right? and he thought he was
going to get some fucking Excedrin or something,
right? They kept him in there for three days
because they don't know if you have the norovirus
or something like that. They go ahead and go
with worst -case scenario because they don't
want the whole ship getting sick. I didn't see
that. Yeah, you say, oh. He didn't waste half
his trip. Yeah, he did. He disappeared, and I
talked to his wife, Susan. I'm like, what the
fuck happened to Jeff? He went down to the fucking
hospital to get some Excedrin and he's been gone
ever since. So then we find out he comes back
three days later. What the hell happened? Oh,
they keep you in there. I told them it is from
the sun. I had a headache from the sun and they
told me, no, it could be this virus or this virus.
And then they lock you up. They lock you in there.
And they did not even let him contact his wife?
No. He didn't have a way because back then, they
were supposed to get a hold of her and they didn't.
And the reason is, is this right here. Back then,
they didn't have the app or the internet. This
is quite a while ago. Oh, okay, okay. Now, I
just get on there and go, Val, the fucking hospital
got me. I'm trying to get out, explain later,
you know, or something. And it'd be like, oh,
shit. Okay. So, no, there was nothing he could
do. And finally, I think Susan found out the
next day. I can't remember. It was quite a while
ago. I think she found out the next day. I think
she called around and said, hey, my husband's
missing. And I think that's when they figured
it out. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hang on. We'll get right
back. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's in the hospital. So
Jeff had to sit there for three fucking days
in a cot doing nothing, missing his cruise because
he had a headache. So the worst thing I could
do was go to the hospital because I'd be in there
the rest of the cruise. So I'm like. No, no,
no. I'm staying here. I'm staying here. You know,
I could have got something to maybe feel better.
I'm even contemplating calling my doctor in Kansas
City. I was going to call her and say, hey, send
me some Tamiflu. Well, Val reminded me that it
probably would do no good because of my symptoms.
And then I got to looking it up. And Tamiflu,
evidently, it'll get rid of flu, but it'll also
give you nausea, which I didn't need. I already
had. So the next morning is Aruba. And so I'm
just like, I'm just drained. You know how you
feel the flu makes you feel puny and you can't
really move? Yeah. Well, this is what I felt.
So I drink a couple of the kind of like infamil
stuff, the high vitamin concentrates and all
that. Drink a couple of those deals. I forgot
exactly the name of it. It's not the Milky Base
because that would have been horrible. It's the
kind that you mix with water. I drank a couple
of them and I felt just good enough to go out
onto the port. Our excursion wasn't until 4 .30.
It was a sunset cruise in Aruba. Okay, so I'm
like, all right, let's give a test run. So I
go out there. And I'm still feeling bad, but
not nearly, you know, enough to walk around.
And we catch a cab. And we're like, hey, take
us to a place where we can go snorkeling and
hanging out on the beach. So I go in the ocean.
I'm just sitting there, sitting there, you know.
Then I'm like, you know what, I'm going to try
a beer. Had a couple of beers. And then, like,
four hours later, I realized I wasn't sick anymore.
I felt great. So then we talked to Cindy. And,
you know. Topher's wife. She's like, you ever
think about it being sun poisoning? Uh, no. Sure
sounds like it. Oh, that would make sense. And
told her the story. Yeah, you probably had sun
poisoning. Okay. All right. Thank you. Had sun
poisoning. So I thought I ruined the whole cruise.
I did. That night when I was so sickly and everything,
I was like, I fucked this whole cruise up. I'm
not going to be able to do anything. I feel so
bad. I'm going to sit here in this fucking room.
The most I can do is go to the balcony and kind
of lay there feeling bad. But no, I got better.
Evidently, sun poisoning goes away pretty good
if you take care of yourself. So that's what
I was referring to on the douchebag page when
you said I got fucking stolen by a seagull or
whatever, right? No, I said thankfully you weren't
stolen by a seagull. Yeah, that was it. That
was it, yeah. So no. No, and I said no, but I
did get sun poisoning, so there's that. So anyhow,
KCI when we got there is really cool. Everybody
there was... Neat, nice, and TSA, going through
the line, there's only two people there. It took
us like two minutes to get through TSA. So we
landed at Florida International, and we were
on the third row of the plane. We were way up
there. So we got out of there, and our baggage
was the first off of the conveyor, so you knew
something was going to go wrong like sun poisoning,
right? Our bags were the first two coming off
the conveyor. We're the third row. So we got
our bags. I walk outside. I hit the lift map.
And this guy slams on his brakes right in front
of me. He goes, hey, I'm Tobin. I'm like, you're
my ride? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take you
down to, oh, shit. I forgot the name of the,
anyhow, whatever hotel. Oh, it's the Holiday
Inn. I'm taking you down to the Holiday Inn at
the Bayside Marketplace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So
we get in. From the time, it's like 50 minutes
to an hour in the traffic that they had from
Fort Lauderdale Airport to where we were going.
So after the plane ride, we got there at about
5 .30 their time. And we were actually in our
hotel room at 6 .30. That's unheard of. That's
unheard of. Yeah. So all that went great. And
then we had no idea. But we booked a place because
it was really close to the port, okay? We were
like, you know what? It's a half mile from the
port. It's the closest hotel to the port. That's
why we booked it there. We just wanted to go
out, get an Uber, and be there in two minutes,
which happened. But we had no idea that it was
right next to the Bayside Marketplace, which
is a very cool section of Miami on the oceanfront.
And it has like a huge Ferris wheel that kind
of goes over the ocean. It has live entertainment.
They had Spanish dancing. They have all these
bars, restaurants. I mean, it's just a beautiful
place. So we went over there and had some really,
really, really good mojitos. And then I had a
lot more. I had a lot more on the cruise. We
decided we opted out of the Ferris wheel. We
had a couple of mojitos and decided that was
probably a bad idea, right? Oh, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, yeah. So we opted out of that. We're going
to do it. All the heights, no topics. Nope, nope.
So we're like, all right. So we go to the Black
Market Grill at the very top. It's a chain, but
it's only in cool areas like Bayside Marketplace.
There's probably one over in San Francisco on
the wharf. So we went to Black Market Grill,
and they're famous for their drinks, and they
had a kick -ass mojito that I think is raspberry
mojitos is what we ordered, and they were just
terrific. So we're walking out, and I see there's
like four places. It's like New Orleans. In New
Orleans, they have rows of daiquiri machines
and bars, right? They're frozen daiquiri machines,
and you walk by and go, oh, look, that's papaya.
Oh, hey, look, look, look, that's mango. Hey,
look, there's pineapple, right? And there's fusions,
different kinds of daiquiris everywhere. So we
see three places that have like 20 fucking machines
in them. You just walk up and go, yeah, I'll
take that blue one. I'll take that red daiquiri,
that yellow one. What's that? Okay, so. So, anyhow.
You were trying all kinds of shit. No, I just
had one daiquiri, that was it. Yeah, you did,
yeah. You could if you went. I could have, but
I knew my liver was going to take a pounding
on the cruise. So, you know, I'm like, you know,
I better contain myself here. And that's why
we opted out of the Ferris wheel. It was like,
you know, I don't want to get sick today. So,
I get a daiquiri. So, our flight. Fort Lauderdale
was really bumpy, right? And everyone's kind
of like, we hit some pockets of turbulence. It
knocked the piss out of us. And I hate turbulence
because it just rattles you, man. It rattles
your brain. There you are, smooth sailing all
of a sudden. And it's like, fuck. You know, God
forbid you're drinking a Coke or something and
it spills all over you. So I come to a conclusion,
Rob. Planes should have daiquiri machines. If
you hit turbulence, you give everybody a daiquiri
and nobody will give a shit. I think that's brilliant.
Come on up. Let's say Robin Marks Air. We own
our own airline. Robin Marks Air. Hit the fucking
bumps. Hey guys, want some daiquiris? What? Hell
yeah! We got a little color -coded sheet here.
Which daiquiri would you like, sir? I'll take
that one in the middle, that kind of off -green
one. Yeah, yeah, what is that? Oh, it's lime.
Okay, bring it over. I mean, no one would give
a shit. Daiquiris calm you down. Yeah, they do.
Especially when you look and you see 30 of them,
30 different kinds. It's like, you know what?
Hit all the bumps you want. Yeah, your mind loses.
You lose. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I'm like this. I'm
like, you know, hey, by the time you get done
with the flight, you're wishing you hit more
bumps because every time you hit a bump, you
get a daiquiri. I think once again, one of these
great ideas that will probably never be executed.
Right, Rob? Yeah. World, if it ever thinks if
it ever, ever happens, you can thank Rob and
I. The two douchebags and microphone are the
ones that came up with this idea. And we want
credit if you ever hear of it happening. And
so, I got some other stuff. I'm not going to
go through everything because I've got stuff
I'm going to do on the next podcast because I
have so much stuff to talk about. So many interesting
things happen. I know you would. That's why I
didn't plan many. tonight. Okay, I still got
a little bit to go through here. I got a bunch
of stories. I'm going to let you do your thing
tonight, brother. Okay, cool. You'll be ready.
Alright, so back to the TSA. Alright, Rob, I
thought I was clever, right? You know how you
have to remove your belt and shoes and all that
bullshit, right? To go through? Okay, well, I
had this brilliant idea, okay? I was under the
impression that that's a metal detector you walk
through. I guess it's not. I'm a dumb shit, Rob.
I was thinking that because it's plastic, I had
a plastic belt with a plastic hook on it, not
a metal one. I was like, I can wear that going
through TSA. I can wear that going through the
metal detector or what I thought was the x -ray
machine. And so I get through it, and the guy
goes... I'm going to have to look you over. It's
because you left your belt on. I said, it doesn't
have any metal in it. And he goes, this is not
a metal detector. This is an x -ray machine.
If I see a foreign object somewhere, I have to
investigate it. So I got fucking looked up because
I thought I was being smart by wearing a plastic
belt that I thought would go right through TSA,
but did not. So... I don't know what I was thinking.
I really thought that, you know. It's an x -ray
machine. It's not a metal detector anymore. I
guess so. Well, I know so now. But anyhow, my
grand plan, you know, the brilliant idea I came
up with, turns out I got frisked because of it.
Yeah, people could be carrying drugs on them.
Come on. I never thought of it like that either.
Yeah, yeah. All right, well, they thought I had
fucking, they probably thought I had some fucking
smack crammed up my fucking, crammed up my pie
hole or whatever, you know? So, anyhow. You're
just trying to hide a belt. Just trying to hide
a belt. Just trying to, I was just trying to
get by the rules, right? That's it. It busted
me. So, anyhow, so. We're definitely not as young
as we used to be, huh? No, no. And while I was
smashed on one of the sea days, I realized my
opinion on, in my opinion, Doug touches Lemu
Emu. Don't you think so? You know what I'm referring
to? Definitely something going on. Yeah, I agree.
I've never said anything. I've thought that for
a long time. I just never say that. Thank you
for bringing that up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think
there could be some criminal charges. I think
so, too. I mean, you can just look at that emu
and tell it's been violated, can't you? Yeah,
yeah. Allegedly and all that good shit. Even
though they're fictional characters. So the morning
of the cruise, I filled the Keurig pod in the
hotel room with some sort of mountain -grown
coffee I'd never heard of. I know now why I've
never heard of it. It was horrible. It sucked.
So I remember the afternoon before at Bayside
Marketplace. There's a Starbucks there, right?
So I'm like, all right, okay. I'll go right across
the road. And I installed the app the day before
because it was easier to order at the airports
and stuff like that. I couldn't order anything
off of it, though, because there are three Starbucks
within a quarter mile radius of the of the hotel.
And I didn't know the address as well enough.
So I didn't know which one to go to. So I couldn't
order any anything on the app and walk up there
and have it ready for me. Right. So my gosh,
it does kind of worthless because I don't know
where Fifth Street is. I don't know where fucking
Maple Road is or whatever. So so I go. And I
go over to the Starbucks over there on Bayside
Marketplace. It was the closest one that I could
figure out. So I go to pay. I got a couple of
coffees with espresso shots for me at Val to
get us to going, right? So I go to pay, and the
total is $12 .95 for both of us, right? Okay,
$12 .95. Keep that thought in mind, Rob. $12
.95, okay? Yeah. Then it had a suggested... tip
amount of 20%. This 20 % was $5 .24 tip out of
$12 .95. What? $12 .95 it had a suggested tip
that said 20 % and that 20 % was $5 .24. That
tip proportionately was probably about 40 -45%.
Yeah, that's what just caught my attention. Yeah.
Yeah. I asked the lady how to manually put tip
money in, and she quipped, the percentages are
there already. And I was like, all right, bitch.
And I go, you know what? I said, I'm not a fucking
stupid ass. And she goes, what? I go, I'm not
a fucking stupid ass. I said, I want you to add
524 up. Double it. So she's thinking, thinking,
thinking. Okay, that's 1028. How much was my
bill? 1295. Do you think that's 20 % at all?
Uh, uh, uh, no. And I said, you know what? Fuck
your tip. I walked off. I was so pissed. I can't
say they did it on purpose, but how could anyone
do that and not know? Are they that stupid? Or
is this a scam? and I think the employees just
do their job. Well, you know what? She was younger.
Well, I didn't appreciate the surly attitude
when I mentioned it and told her to add it up.
Yeah, because she said they're kind of like,
well, it's right there, it's 20%. And I'm like...
No, no. And she was really surly. And then after
that, she kind of like backed off a little bit
because I think she realized that I don't think
she did it. No, I don't think she had the mind
capacity to do it. Okay. And I don't mean that
like she's stupid. I think she just wasn't trained.
Yeah. So what I'm saying to everybody is whenever
you see a suggested tip amount, figure it out
in your head or write it down and figure it out
or get your phone out and calculate it. I bet
you this happens more than at that place. And
I'm not accusing Starbucks of anything. As far
as I know, it was an accident. So anyhow, I'm
just telling you this right now. I'm not saying
it's deliberate. It's probably an accident. So
anyone that loves Starbucks or Starbucks yourself,
I still go there. I still love you guys. It was
just that I caught something that I didn't think
was right and I took action on it. So, anyhow,
another little thing that happened is, oh, go
ahead. It wouldn't have had to have been just
Starbucks. It could have been any place. Either
one of us would have done the same thing. Yes.
Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying. Mistake.
I don't care where you're at. We catch you doing
something like that, we're going to call you
out. I have nothing against Starbucks. I go there.
Okay, so I'm just saying, I'm just saying, people
make mistakes. Do the math for yourself. So,
anyhow, I go... Good point. Yeah, I was like...
But I don't think that the... Looking back at
it, I don't think the young lady was being surly.
I think she just was young and didn't want to
try to figure it out herself. So I think she's
like, well, just look at it. It says 20 % right
there. I think that's all it was. She was trying
to do her $12 an hour. Yeah, and I think she
thought I was giving her shit when I wasn't.
I wasn't pointing my finger at her. I was saying,
this is wrong. And I wanted to give her a couple
of bucks, but the opportunity was not there after
that. I was like, forget it. Give me my fucking
coffees. I'm out of here. Yeah, I'm like, you
know, here's my tip. Fucking listen to me the
first time and don't argue with me. That's my
tip. So anyhow, my back was hurting one night.
I get up and I take a stroll around the Lido
deck in the open air. Always helps. You see,
look, the carnival beds are too soft. Okay? Everybody
else loves them, but I don't. Because carnival
beds make my back hurt because I need something
stiffer than that. I worked my whole life. Yes.
If you worked your whole life like... me and
Rob done, you would be the same way. You know,
it's like concrete fills up in my joints and
I can't hardly move. So I'm walking late night
and I'm on the Lido deck and in the back of the
Lido deck is the night snack buffet. There's
quite a few cruisers in this area because it's
the only free food that time of night. Room service
now costs you. It didn't used to cost you, but
now they charge you for room service. You know,
so people make the trek up there after the bars.
OK, this is like, I don't know, two in the morning.
So everything just slid out. So they're up there
trying to get some late night food. And, you
know, people are coming out of the late clubs
and all that. And, you know, I know they're probably
trashed. OK, but here's what happened. There's
a group of six women all huddled around the the
juice dispensers. Right. And a lady yelled to
a woman in a wheelchair. She goes, hey, do you
want orange juice? And she said yes. Immediately,
all the rest of the gang wanted orange juice
as well. So I'm walking around, and I decided,
you know, I come back around on another swipe,
and I'm like, man, I want some orange juice.
So I go over there, and there wasn't any orange
juice. The machine was iced tea and lemonade
only. They thought it was orange juice. You know,
I don't know how you... They were buying lemonade.
Yeah, they were filling up their cups of lemonade.
But they said it was orange juice. The first
lady started it. She yells at the lady in the
wheelchair, you know, to help her out. She was
part of their gang there. And she goes, hey,
do you want some orange juice? She goes, oh,
I'd love some orange juice. And then the rest
of the chicks walked over there. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, we want some orange juice. And they all
start filling up their cups. So I come back around
after they leave, after they clear. And I'm like,
orange juice sounds pretty fucking good right
now. I go over there, and it's lemonade and tea.
And I was sitting there going, what the hell?
It said right on their lemonade. I put some in
my glass. It was lemonade. No. So anyhow. So,
okay. So much shit happens just in my area. It's
like God gave me a little gift to talk about.
Especially if you're a people watcher. Which
I am and I know you are too. You and I are a
lot like that. We like sit back and watch other
people do stupid shit. And a cruise is just so
good to watch. There are some characters on there.
I'm walking down the stairwell. Anyone that got
near me would in a sunburn and sun poisoning
and what have you. So I'm walking down the stairwell.
This is one of the first days, okay? You know,
Topher and Cindy were so nice to buy me that
Button Up Hams shirt that I'm so proud of. I
like, you know, it's got the Hams beer bear and
it's got the trees and the Hams logo. I'm walking
down the stairwell and this old man, he goes,
hey, man, that's a cool shirt. And I thought
he liked Hams. He gets a little bit closer, goes,
oh, never mind. That doesn't say Havana. I thought
it said Havana. I go, what the hell's wrong with
Hams? It's a classic beer, dude. And he goes,
where are you from? He goes, where are you from?
I go, Kansas City. He rolls his eyes, goes, figures.
And I look at him. I go, where are you from?
He goes, Texas. I go, oh, you guys drink that
Schlitz down there. His whole gang started fucking
cracking up. What that old fucking bastard didn't
know is Texas was my second home for fucking
years. I know they drink Schlitz down there,
and I know they fucking love it, and I know it's
fucking, it's paint thinner. It's paint thinner
in a can. I fucking rolled that out and his face
turns red and all the people in his crowd started
laughing because they knew I owned that old bitch.
He got the fuck out of there. He had a big old
pace. I smashed his face in it. I fooled Nelson
him. I stuck him to the ground and said, you
eat shit, you little Texas bastard. You eat shit.
And he ate shit. So, anyhow, fucking condescending
old prick. And then I mumbled, and I think he
heard me. I don't know if he did. The old fucktard.
You know, he didn't know Dallas was my second
home for years, whether I was working or down
there visiting my friend Bob. You know, Dallas
was my second home. I know all about them. I
know all about the Texans. So, anyhow, I kind
of mumbled, you're not classy enough for hams.
I think he heard it. So, anyhow, that's all I'm
going to go into today. I've got a bunch more
shit. You'll have to listen to the next podcast.
And I got some really interesting stuff, too.
So, Rob, I've talked a lot. Take the helm, please.
Yeah, you have. Dude, my first story is way off
of where the hell you are. That's what you do,
Rob. You get me. i go one way and you go you
know what mark that's funny that's cool that's
cute but i got this okay okay well i have one
question for you while you're on your vacation
yes did you find john connor's phone number no
you know what i'm talking about yes yes You know,
John Connor, I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you find his phone number? No, I did not,
but we need him. Have you seen some of the stories?
Oh, you're getting ready to go into one. I'm
about ready to read one. I know nothing. Go ahead,
Rob. Yeah, yeah, we need John Connor right now.
Yeah. The rise of the machines seem to be getting
closer than we might think. Mm -hmm. Freaky footage
captured the moment that a humanoid robot seemingly
snapped and lashed out at its handlers like something
out of a sci -fi thriller. Did you see the video
footage, Rob? I have it in front of me. Yeah,
it's insane. Dude, dude. This is what the machine
uprising might look like, Belsarian TV outlet.
So this is on X. Anybody can go watch this. I'm
telling you, it's crazy. Oh, it is. They appear
to be testing these humanoid droids' capabilities.
The two are chatting away when, all of a sudden,
the automated biped goes berserk, flailing its
arms and legs about in a spectacle that evokes
a failed prototype from the Robocop movies. I
mean, it starts going off. At one point, the
racing machine marches forward while swinging,
dragging the stand that it's attached to, along
with it as a miniature. Yeah, and that's the
John Connor reference. In case someone doesn't
know this, Terminator is a movie with Arnold
Schwarzenegger and is about artificial intelligence
taking over the world and fighting us. And that's
why Rob was teasing around about John Connor's
phone number because he is a guy that was going
to beat the AI. Right, right. Yeah. That's John
Connor's mom. Yes, yes. Yeah, there's a lot of
references to it. And here's a reference to iRobot.
Oh, yeah. The Will Smith movie. Yeah, dude. I
mean, it's coming. We'll watch it. Wow. And these
big companies are trying to bring them in. Well...
When I saw that footage and realized it was China,
you know, they would build it. It was an undisclosed
factory in China. We have a certain degree of
laws over here about AI. They do not. Just something
to think about. Also, they hate us. And they
hate us even more now that Trump's taking a stand
against them. I could see this thing getting
very, very ugly. Man, that thing was insane.
It was trying to get after him. I mean, it was
pissed. It had emotion. I mean, if someone came
up and fucking smacked your mom, that's the kind
of emotion that that robot had trying to get
after those two guys. I mean, he was doing...
Yeah, and it has the anger of... And it had a
very unapologetic anger. I'm telling you, man,
this shit's going to get ugly. Yeah, this is
going to get horrible. So, yeah. Maybe the reason
you want to go out in the woods and make a home
and have a bunker like Rob does down there in
Camdenton is not because of nuclear war. Maybe
it's because these robots are going to start
killing you. I don't know. So anyhow, man, Rob,
thank you. They got to find me. I'm glad you
covered that story. I got that story right here
because I saw that. My jaw just dropped. I'm
like, oh, this is the shit we've been talking
about. Like, oh, my God. John Connor. Yep. This
is the shit we've been talking about. It's got
to go on our first night back. Thank you, Rob.
You're welcome. Well, let's come back with some
emails. Does that sound good? Yeah, let's take
our break. We're running a little late. A little?
Okay. And I'm working overtime. But you know
what? It feels good to be back, everybody. It
really does. I was chomping at the bit, too.
We did that about two hours of podcasting. Friday
on the boat but I mean we did as good as we could
the internet on this boat was shitty and it kept
popping in and out and after I heard it I kind
of grimaced because you couldn't help but talk
over each other because you didn't hear somebody
it was on the delay and you think nobody's talking
all of a sudden you go and then all of a sudden
yeah so alright we'll be right back you and I
not seeing each other is bad enough we've done
it for I think we're doing it pretty good now,
but we didn't get it at first. Right. We are.
I've learned a lot of things, you know, over
the time. And we get it. Rob, I listen to old
shows and listen to you now. And I told you,
it's not something you can pinpoint. It's just
something that happens, isn't it? We do it. Yep.
All right. All right. Break. Have you ever wondered
what something is about? Have you ever looked
at something and said, Hmm, I wonder what the
origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why
we give you The Origin of... The Origin of Velcro.
George D. Mestrel found inspiration in his most
famous invention in those annoying little burrs
that can get stuck to your clothing after a walk
in the woods. They came from the burdock plant,
and when D. Mestrel... Put them under a microscope,
he realized that they made use of little tiny
hooks on the surface of the burr to grab onto
whatever passes by. Hey there, fuckstick. You're
just in time for brand new feature news nobody
gives a shit about. The very last meal on the
Titanic before it went down was lamb with mint
sauce. So you want proof that we love you here
at Q -Douche Bates and Microphone Central? Here's
a proof right here. How about the drink of the
week? Hey there, you little snack cakes. This
is Norwegian's Best Drinks. Norwegian Cruise
Lime has long been known as one of the best drink
bakers on the high seas, if not the best. In
this drink, it's no different. It's one of the
most popular, and it's really good. A smoked
peach margarita. It involves one ounce of 1800
silver tequila, one half ounce in this cow, a
quarter ounce of triple suck. Half ounce of organic
agave. Half ounce of peach puree. And one half
ounces of fresh wine juice. Garnished with hibiscus
salt on the rim and dried blood orange slices
on the rim. Add all ingredients and shake. And
don't be bashful. Shake like nuts. And then print
in a glass with crushed ice and enjoy. You watched
the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse inevitable?
We suggest you download all our podcasts beforehand
and have multiple mobile chargers. We have a
host of podcasts. Make sure and have plenty of
rope. Strong, threaded, durable rope with a rating
of 400 pounds or greater. You need to know basic
knots, so you can go to the library and download
the Boy Scouts Handbook and have a reference
to slip knots and other essential rope tricks.
Rope can be used in traps to catch food or would
-be predators. Rope is a key ingredient in post
-apocalypse survival. Two douchebags, a microphone,
and an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer
you First World Problems. My new crime series
TV show is going off for at least three months.
I can't believe this. What am I going to do to
fill in the time? Don't these guys think of this?
Jam X. What the hell happened? You were the generation
of change. You never wanted to be one of them.
Apathy spoke for you. Fuck the man. Fuck the
system. What the hell happened? The generation
of angst? The generation of non -compliance?
Is now buying a boat? You're really fed up to
kill someone who dangled a dollar near you? Great
job, Xers. Everything's ruined. Rob consumed
small doses of radiation for 30 years. 30 years.
Rob is immune to radiation. Watch him glow. Watch
Rob Red jump up 25 feet and grab birds out of
thin air with his mouth. With his mouth. Rob
can now be a legend for children's parties and
barments, fellas. That's right. Come on and rent
you a Rob today. That's right. Come by and rent
Rob. For a day! A day! A day! Watch Rob consume
seven bottles of night cream and still break
dance and moonwalk. Watch Rob Redd fart down
a building. Fart down a building! Rob Redd assumes
no responsibility whatsoever. He is not a babysitter
and he doesn't give one hell of a shit about
your children. Please remember to corral every
little bastard you have before Rob gets there
and Walt will not put up with any backtalk. He
will promptly get them in the place. Rob Bragg
assumes no responsibility for anything that could
be stolen from his visit. Rob Bragg has no responsibility
whatsoever in any help him of any situation.
Read a Rob today. Two douchebags, a microphone
on Mark in the Kansas City chapter of the. Blue
River Arm. And I am Rob at the beautiful Niagara
Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. Why, thank you, Rob.
That was a great introduction, and you always
do Lake of the Ozarks proud. I try. All right,
we got some emails. You want to get to them?
I've got a bunch more I got to sort through them.
So if you sent something out the last couple
of weeks, I was out at, you know, I was on the
boat. So I'm going to get to them. Just give
me a little bit of time. All right. The first
one. Hey, douches. How about you guys sponsor
a new show? The Mitch and Ronnie show. I'm not
kidding. Wallen Tabazo in Athens, Texas. Wallin.
W -A -L -L -I -N. Wallin or Wally or whatever
they call you. I think that's a great idea. These
two... No, no, no. No? Okay. I don't think Ronnie
and Mitch would actually get along. Oh, you know
what? I think you're right. Ronnie is more off
the wall. Mitch is more off the wall. Mitch is
insane. We don't know what he's up to. Ronnie
is grounded. He's calculated. You're right. You're
right. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I disagree. Okay.
You know what? That's cool. And if more people
yell for it and if them, too, say that they want
to do it, we can give them, like, a one show
and see how it goes. Sound okay? And you're welcome.
And you're welcome, Ronnie, for me getting you
out of that. Ronnie likes you better anyhow,
so you know what? Yes. I think he would agree,
too. I think so, too. Ronnie is your biggest
fan, Rob. He's fucking nuts about you. So, yeah.
Yep. There you go, Ronnie. Your boy here did
you a favor. So, speaking of which, Mark. Enjoy
your cruise on the islands. I'm boarding the
Fuckhammer cruise on the beautiful Massey Creek
arm of Lake Freeman. Mitch. They have the monster
rock cruises and that shit and the rock cruises
and all that. Well, I guess there's a Fuckhammer
cruise on the Massey Creek arm of Lake Freeman.
Mitch, enjoy. I'm sorry, I will not be able to
attend. I got to attend to a little bit of skin
peeling. I can't do it. Otherwise... Yeah, man.
Yeah, man. I got Ozark Tampa Theater right here.
I just bought two tickets to see Darius Rucker.
I mean, you know, so... Well, there you go, Mitch.
Neither one of us can make it. You go see your
fuckhammer. Go enjoy fuckhammer. I'm sure they're
great. Mitch, we love you. We're all just joking.
Yes, we do. We love your comedy. He's awesome.
Hey, friends. I would like a top seven of Nipple
Yank, Ass Cheek Bite, and Nut Flick, and Why.
Love you guys. Ronnie and Tulsa, the Tulsa King.
to do this. And it's right back at you. We want
one from you. That's 21 names. We have one week.
Yep. And yes, like Mark has said, right back
at you, buddy. Yep. You know the rules, Ronnie.
You give us a question, we bounce it, we boomerang
it around and give it right back to you. Yeah,
we grab that magic mirror. Yep. Even though I
know you don't like it, I know you hate it. I
know. Sorry, Tulsa King. Even though you love
Rob. All right, next. Mark, I have food wars
for you and Rob to do. How about spices against
each other? Bev in Orlando. No, Ontario. Yeah.
We'll pit spices up against each other. What
do you think, a week? It doesn't say. Here, I'll
read it again. It says, Mark, I have a food wars
for you and Rob to do. Okay. How about pitting
spices against each other? Bev in Ontario. I
think that's a pretty good idea. Okay. Okay.
Here's what we do then. Okay. We follow Tulsa
King's rules. Seven. We pick seven spices. Okay.
And then when we go to battle, we each throw
one out. How's that? That sounds good. Like,
let's say I throw oregano out there and you throw
out cayenne pepper. Then we talk about who wins.
Right, right, right. That might be what she's
thinking about. I don't know. Okay, Bev, if it's
any different, let us know. Yeah, I say we go
Tulsa King rules. Okay. We have a battle. That
sounds good. Okay, so, Bev, if you meant anything
different, write us back. But until then, that's
what we'll do in a week. Yeah, yeah, let's give
it a, yeah. So, next Tuesday. All right, hey,
hello. We can do that between, this is Tuesday.
We can have that by Sunday. Okay, Sunday we'll
do that. We got a week. Yes. Yeah, Tulsa King,
sorry, but that'll give you time to come up with
yours, right? Yeah. All right, next. Mark, what
is your famous biscuit recipe? These guys. Let
me do this again. This is so fucked up. Mark,
what is your famous biscuit recipe I keep hearing
about? Thanks in advance, Telly. Um, Rob, my
biscuit recipe that I won't quit talking about.
Oh, oh, just like the banana pudding. My biscuit
recipe is this thing called Pillsbury. You can
find it in tubes. My suggestion is to read the
directions on back and heat up your oven. Pre
preheat at 375 and then probably 10 to 15 minutes.
You hit that Pillsbury canister. You hit it on
the side of a table and it pops. It's really
cool. And all these delicious, wonderful biscuits
pop out, but they're not cooked yet. So the secret
is, is to have those biscuits not stick to your
pan. And here's the real, real. This is a real.
This is the whole thing of it right here. This
is the real labor in it. You have to butter your
pan. This is the secret, isn't it, Rob, right?
We're telling you something that a lot of people
don't know, right, Rob? Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah,
you definitely got to butter the pan. Yeah, you
butter the pan. For sure. And if there's 12 biscuits,
you lay them out, but not to where they'll touch
each other when they blow up. Uh -huh. And I'll
smear it around. Then I'll flip it over and smear
that on. See? Yeah, you use a lot of butter for
biscuits. You really do. I was wondering when
someone was going to ask us, Rob, about our famous
biscuit recipe. Didn't you? We talk about it
all the time. Not really, but hey, off the wall,
yeah, that's it. Yeah, I mean, you've got to
have a lot of butter on the pan, and you smear
it in there. There's a top. See? Man, Rob, you
ought to do a cooking show. Okay, next. Why is
there two douchebag Facebook pages? Are you aware
of this? Maybe you could look at it and see if
one is fake. Jerry and OP. Yeah, yeah, Topher
did that one. We use the newer one, although
every now and then Topher and I will throw something
up when we're live at the city market because
Rob has control of the newer one and Topher has
control of the older one and I have control of
the email. You see, it's all divvied out equally.
So if we're doing a show at the city market,
every now and then Topher will throw one on the
old page, but generally, usually Rob's one is
the one that gets access the most. Yeah, you
know what? I didn't post until like two hours
before we were going on the hike, and we're back.
I like that, too. That's cool. Hey, like I said,
I'm working overtime, man. Hey, here's what I
like. This guy found two pages of ours, so other
people are finding it, too. Yeah, good, good.
Yeah, so good to do. Where is it? Jerry in Overland
Park. Thank you. Yeah, OP is what it says. I'm
pretty sure that means Overland Park. Thank you,
Jerry. Of course it is. This next one, I forgot
about it, Rob. Okay. Oh, shit. You're laughing.
That's, oh, shit. This is for you, Rob. Rob.
Uh -oh. Rob, I can peel a scab off my forearm
without tearing it. Josh and Casey. That's solid.
And what does that have to do with me? Just saying.
Hey, I'm impressed that the guy can tear a scab
off without it fucking... Josh and KC, I want
video or it didn't happen. Right, Rob? Oh. Well,
you see? What happened at work? Yeah, yeah Oh,
yeah, yeah. I know the setup that you do. My
stands with rollers. That's what my rollers are.
They feed into my saw. Mm -hmm. Well, I have
two sets. They're together by my big door where
I put, you know, get up on there. Mm -hmm. And
when I'm working with the little steel, I take
my right hand, which is my dominant hand. Uh
-huh. and bring it right in between them two
sets of rollers. Well, yesterday I miscalculated
one. Oh. And I felt my finger, because what I
do is I get it up over the rollers, and then
my left hand, you know, I have wrapped around,
bring it up, you know, both of them on the bottom.
Mm -hmm. You know? Yes. It's a blood blister
that blows out. And that is painful. And it's
from the corner of my fingernail. You know what,
Rob? I'm lost. I'm having a hard time holding
a pen right now because I have it wrapped up.
Oh. And, of course, all the way up to about 11
o 'clock this morning, I was hitting on anything
and everything. That's a rule. That's what you
do. You know how that goes. Yeah. I think I told
you about a guy I used to work with. He was finishing
out the top of a dish table. And his grinder
caught his index finger and cut it over halfway.
And he wrapped it up really good. And he showed
me. He goes, Mark. He goes, come here. He goes,
look at this. There's blood everywhere. And his
finger's kind of dangling. He wrapped it up really
good. I go, dude, man, you need to go to the
hospital. He goes, no, no. He worked all day
because he would fail his piss test. And then
he went to the doctor. What a trooper. No, I'm
not saying that. I'm just saying, man, that dude
was a trooper. He worked all day with that wrapped
up. I do it all the time. Yeah, all these. I
work the rest of the day. That's who I am. No,
I know that, Rob. I know you're a hard worker.
I mean, I've got band -aids. I've got wrap. I've
got a message cabinet in my bag. might need,
I got, you know? Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, shit
happens. We gotta keep going. Yeah, you can't
keep doing that much type of work at one time
and not get hurt. Let's finish out these emails
and then we'll go to a break and then go to a
story. Okay. Mark, you know so much about KC
Radio. I swear. Write a book. I would buy it
right now. Josh and Liberty, and I don't think
it's the same one from Josh and KC, the previous
email. I think he would have put KC on it or
something, so we knew it was him. So Josh and
Liberty, I believe, is a totally different person
than Josh and KC. So, Josh, thank you, and I
should know a lot about it. It's always been
my fascination. Like I said, I almost went into
it. I was going to school for it, but, you know,
it's like pay for the schooling. and be an intern
for somewhere for 10 years, and hopefully you
land on the air somewhere and make okay money.
It's so hard to get that one position that makes
all the money, you know, like a morning show
guy or whatever. And then the union came along
and said, Hey, Mark, we will take you in. We
will pay for your schooling, and we will pay
you $23 an hour. This is back in the early 90s.
We'll pay you $23 an hour to go to school and
work. So what the hell was I supposed to do?
And also, like I said, I, I'm very comfortable
in life and I'm happy. And I, you know, I don't
know how it would have turned out the other way.
So I'm going to say I did. Okay. So anyhow, where
did that come? Oh, oh, oh, radio. It's always,
I've always loved it. I mean, like I said, you
know, I used to listen WLS at nights and it would
come in. because the 980, 890, no, 980, it's
890, that's right, 890. 890 got to turn its power
up at night as a clear channel, and the local
channel had to turn its power down. And the clear
channel was set up to where it could go nation
to nation with news and information if anything
happened. And that's what they called a clear
channel. So WLS was a hot, rocking, fucking flamethrower.
back in the early 80s, late 70s. And they had
guys like Jerry Landecker, Records Landecker,
I think was his name, and a bunch of guys like
that that were really good DJs. And I would hear
the music that you would hear on KY a week later.
I would hear it first on WLS at night. And so
I'd go in there, and as soon as they heard that
music on KY, I'd tell them what it was. Yeah,
that's Don Felder, heavy metal. How the fuck
do you know? I'm just with it, man. Just with
it. Well, while you're talking about those radio
stations, I'm going to throw an old radio station
out of the late 80s, Z Rock out of Kansas City.
Yeah, that's where Johnny Darin, Greg, originated.
That's where Johnny Darin got his start. Yes.
And they played the best music around. Yeah,
they did, and let me throw something at you.
They were playing the harder stuff when nobody
was quite getting into the harder stuff, you
know, but they were starting to get there. Z
-Rock did it, and they brought it through Kansas
City. Yeah, and people who don't think that Kansas
City Radio was all that, let me mention some
names. That was an AM station. Yeah, so you have
Johnny and Greg of the famous Johnny Deere Morning
Show. OK, you had Man Cal there at that time,
too, I believe. And you had Randy Miller. And
I think maybe Rusty Humphries is a national radio
guy. I don't know if he still does it. He was
like one of the producers or a writer or something
for Randy Miller. And there's more names. I mean,
that that whole thing that they had there had
so much talent. It was unreal. And there's so
much different radio that spawned from it. So,
but Z Rock AM 1030. It was fantastic. I loved
it. I listened to it every day. And Johnny is
a cool guy. So, anyhow. Let's take our second
break. And we'll come right back. Your mama's
so fat, Dracula bit her neck and got diabetes.
Hey, everybody. This is Uncle Rob. I'm going
to give you some kicks for life. This is Uncle
Rob's rules to dick pics. Rule number one. Type
of a pic in someone else's name. So if you get
busted, it's not yours. Rule number two. Shoot
angles complementary to your length and girth.
Rule number four. No propping of the leg. Next
up, things we've heard in tell. Joe Buck and
Corey Aikman are doing all televised and radio
games of the NFL this year. Four out of five
people surveyed said that TV douchebags and a
microphone podcast are more entertaining than
a gum infection. The fifth one called the cops,
and we had to leave. Yes, it's true. Mark is
an old bastard. It's also true that Mark uses
a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like to tell
you, if you see any pictures of him roofing ibuprofen,
it's obviously fake, and you're to take the pictures
and tear them up immediately. Strange, but true.
Tico Cemetery is one of the cemeteries where
the state of Ohio buried the residents of Columbus
Mental Hospital. The gravestones are all the
same size and shape. Many without names. The
most striking feature is that there is some hipstones
just marked specimens. Next time you take a dump,
listen to two douchebags and a microphone. It's
been proven in laboratory rats to relax your
anal canal. Get in cover. Oh shit. What's that
over there? Oh, no. It's the island of horrible
jokes. Want to hear a joke about paper? It's
terrible. It's a microphone, the Kansas City
chapter here. I'm checking in with you. My name
is Mark, and we are going to... Rob at the beautiful
night farm of Lake of the Ozarks. Rob, you're
talking about Z -Rock. I've got a story for you.
I remembered while we were doing nothing here
for a minute. Davey's old drummer in the band
Savoir Faire that they had for quite a while,
Tony, somehow he produced... Like a thousand
Xerox stickers. He had them. Just had them. I
forgot how he got them. He had like a thousand
of them. I had this old Dodge Dart. I'd love
to have one right now. I've got a couple somewhere
around here. I'll find them. So, he had these
thousand stickers. I had this old Dodge Dart,
okay? And it wouldn't go in reverse. We called
it the Fred Flintstone car. We'd all stick our
foot out and push it, you know. We peppered that
whole car with every fucking Xerox sticker. It
took about a thousand. Except the windshields.
That was a traveling non -reverse Dodge Dart
Xerox machine. There you go. That's how much
I love that station. Traveling billboard. Yes.
Alright. Rob, I've been talking this whole fucking
thing. Please. Alright, I got one for you here.
Alright. Original Kiss drummer Peter Criss hasn't
released a solo album since 2007, but that's
apparently set to change later this year. The
legendary beatkeeper announced plans to release
a new hard -rocking solo record. In the fall
of 2025, Chris unveiled details about the album
in a recent YouTube video interview with Kiss
Back podcast host Julian Gill and in a post on
his own official website. In the clip, the 79
-year -old rock and roll hall of famer says,
I have an announcement. I have a new rock and
roll album, the You Kiss Army Guys, coming out
in the fall. And I really hope you like it, man.
I think I'm going to love it. Huh? I think I'm
going to love it because he's been doing jazz
and swing music. He hasn't really been doing
Kiss stuff. I think it's going to be great. But
anyhow, go ahead. He's saying it's a rock and
roll album. Exactly. And it says, I want to say
God bless to each and every one of you. Jill
then noted, now this is a hard rock, kick -ass
album. It was co -produced by Barry Poynter,
who's worked with Ozzy Osbourne, Marilyn Manson,
Cinderella drummer Freddie Corey, and the auto
guitarist Steve Stevens. Among others, and of
course, current Motley Crue guitarist, John Five.
That's a pretty good resume. What can I say?
We had a ball. I think that's insanely cool.
He's 79 years old. He's a cancer survivor, too.
Did you know he had breast cancer? Yes, yes,
yes. Yeah, 79 years old. He actually looks really
good. I had no idea. I thought he was, like,
lower 70s. 79 years old, and he's still making
an album, and he's a cancer survivor. I love
Peter Criss. Always have. So everybody later
this year will be looking out for a new single
by Peter Criss. Dude, I'm stoked. I cannot wait
to hear this. So, fucking cool. I mean, yeah,
he's behind, like, of course, Beth. But how about
Hard Luck Woman? Dirty Living. Man, he's got
that raspy voice that is so good. I can't wait.
Can't wait. All right. That's awesome. And hopefully
Ace comes out with another one. His last album,
10 ,000 Volts, was fucking amazing. He worked
with, what's his name? I forgot the guy's name
from Trickster. Anyhow, they came out with a
really solid album. Meanwhile, what are Paul
and Gene doing? Anything to try to be relevant.
I'm getting weighed. I know that. Oh, Gene? Oh,
my God. Yeah. Gene needs to lug around his own
fucking equipment. He does. Yeah, they're both
gaining weight. Oh, Paul did, too? I thought
he did. Didn't he? Oh, I didn't see any recent
pictures. I thought he was beefing. I don't know.
Maybe. I don't know. He probably did. I just
haven't seen it. I know. I heard from him. So
he's just lazy. No, you know what? You're right.
Yep. So. Okay. Let me see here. I got something
to dig into somewhere. Okay. I got one here.
Hikers shocked to discover gold coins from the
1800s. And they're worth a fortune. So. Stumbling
upon loose change has never been so lucrative.
A pair of hikers in Chesnia hit the jackpot after
stumbling upon a cache of gold coins and jewels
worth $300 ,000, which some historians speculate
could have been purposely hidden from the Nazis.
Because this is Chesnia, so that would be right
in the area. So I think that's probably not a
bad analysis of what's going on and why it was
there. A pair of hikers in Chesnia found this.
And one of the hikers said, when I opened it,
my jaw dropped, said, Masolov Novak, Babelsnatch
of Archaeology Museum of East Bohemia, where
the treasure was assessed. The incredible find
was revealed in a recent Facebook post. And the
unnamed finders had been hiking in the Czech
Republic's mountains. Earlier this year when
they happened across a small aluminum can and
an iron box. After peeping at the priceless contents,
they brought it to Novak for evaluation. Inside
the iron box was a horde of gold coins, 16 snuff
boxes, 10 bracelets, a wire bag, a comb, a chain,
and a powder compact. Meanwhile, he... The can
harbored 598 gold coins, which were divided into
11 columns, each wrapped in black cloth, said
the archaeologist. The unearthed artifacts are
unsurprisingly worth a pretty penny, millions
of them. So they said they would need to analyze
the rest, but at the current price of precious
metals, the value of the find can start at $7
.5 million, but only go up. estimated the archaeologist,
Mr. Nowak. Wow. You talk about having a good
day. Yeah. Jeez. And if you see the picture here,
these gold coins are beautiful. I mean, they
look relatively untouched since, you know, they
were pretty much buried. Now, the gold flats
that are in here, they don't look so good, but
gold cleans really easy. But the coins are really
shiny, and there's even some, like, it looks
like hoop earrings, but I doubt if those are
hoop earrings. They look like it, though. So
if you get a chance, look this up. Interesting
stuff is New York Post. Thank you, New York Post.
They're the ones that posted this. So, all right,
Rob, you got something? Yeah, I do. All right.
I love this story. I love this story. from the
county jail where he was on loan from the state
prison due to a recent misdemeanor. Loach, who
was convicted of murder in 1984, was granted
parole in 2010. Clayton County Sheriff LeVon
Allen told the TV station that jail went on lockdown
as officers searched for him, but the next morning
they realized know they get shit about that now
from all the inmates. Hey, you're going to put
us on lockdown today? Where'd you leave this?
You leave a guy out in your car? What? Oh, my
God. That's funny. Thank you, Rob. Well, Rob,
you're the one that's working all the hours.
It's near 930. Do you want to wrap this up or
do you want to keep it going? It does not matter
to me. I don't work tomorrow. You got something
else? Yeah. Yeah, I do. If you got something
I might be able to pull something up, then we'd
probably call it. Okay. All right. You're more
likely to develop an allergy. This is New York
Post also, where I got this from. Thank you,
New York Post, for coming up with some good shit
for me. You usually do. You're more likely to
develop an allergy to red meat if you live in
the suburbs, and here's why. Suburban living
has its upsides. Bigger homes, less noise, more
natural green spaces, to name a few. Developments
with grassy lawns and wooded parks draw families
because they create a sense of relaxation and
offer safe areas for children to explore and
play, boosting physical and mental health. But
some creepy, clingy intruders pose a threat to
those serene settings by transmitting disease
and even sparking an unusual to red meat. And
Rob, you probably know this living in the country.
Yeah. Certain ticks, does it make sense now,
can trigger alpha gel syndrome, a possibly life
-threatening allergy reaction to beef, pork,
lamb, and other animal products. Scientists say
the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
say they have identified potential environmental
drivers of AGS risk by mapping 462 confirmed
cases in North Carolina, South Carolina, and
Virginia. Since the first documented case in
southeastern U .S. in 2009, Diagnoses of AGS
have increased rapidly, with reported cases increasing
from 24 in 2009 to over 34 ,000 in 2019, the
researchers wrote last week at the Journal of
Climates, whatever that is. AGS is the leading
cause of adult -onset allergies in the U .S.,
with test positivity rates at 30 .5%. Tick saliva
contains alpha gel, a sugar molecule found in
red meat. A tick bite introduces alpha gel into
the bloodstream, tricking the immune system into
thinking red meat is harmful. Systems which typically
emerge two to six hours after eating meat include
hives, nausea, wheezing, low blood pressure,
and fatigue. Severe cases may lead to anaphylaxis.
require immediate medical attention, and that
will kill you if you don't get immediate attention
if you go into any type of anaphylactic shock.
The Lone Star Tick is the most common culprit
for AGS. The deer ticks also have been implicated
in this. Lone Star Ticks are primarily found
in the southeastern, south -central, and mid
-Atlantic regions of the U .S. They are especially
abundant on Long Island, particularly in the
suburb... Areas of Suffolk County. We really
have to watch deer ticks down here. Yeah, deer
ticks is what would give you that, but it's not
as common in them. But this has been going on
for a while, and I've actually heard of it way
before 2017 or whatever the first ones that they
figured out. I heard about this in the 80s, although
it was very rare. But mainly that was country
stuff right there. People in the city had no
idea, but I guess suburbs actually have a high
population of these type of ticks for some reason.
So there's more, but you guys got what I'm saying,
and Rob's got something, don't you? Yeah, I do.
Okay. Actually, I'm actually going a little political
here. That's cool to me. But it covers something
that I've talked about before. Okay. I don't
know if you recall a conversation we had on the
air about we had a truckload of steel come in
and the delivery driver had to use an app on
his phone to communicate with me because he could
not speak English. Yes. Do you remember that?
Yes. I know, I know. Go ahead. Yeah, you've already
heard. Actually, probably a lot of people have
already heard, but I've got to mention it because
I ran across this. Well, Rob, you're... I'm the
guy that has to unload them and sign the paperwork
and talk to them. You see, Rob, that's the first
thing I thought when I read about the introduction
of the spill. You're the first person I thought
of because you're the one that tipped me off
to that. I had no idea it was a problem, but
go ahead. Yeah. The Commercial Vehicle Safety
Alliance announced major action on English language
proficiency for truck drivers in compliance with
directions from the White House. The CVSA announced
that starting on June 25, 2025, noncompliance
with existing federal regulations requiring commercial
vehicle operators to be proficient And English
is an out -of -service violation. This move by
the CBSA comes just days after President Trump
signed an executive order targeting several trucking
industry issues, including a call for tightened
English language proficiency requirements for
commercial vehicle drivers. called for reversal
on the 2016 memo that directed law enforcement
not to place truck drivers out of service for
ELP violations. The CBSA Board of Directors voted
to add an English Proficiency, U .S. only, heading
to the Part 1 driver section of the North American
Standard Out -of -Service Breakthrough. Anyway,
what it boils down to is if a truck driver gets
pulled over and an officer feels like he cannot
understand English enough, because, I mean, if
you think about it, and I've read other articles
about this, and I totally agree. These truck
drivers that cannot understand English, How the
hell are they reading the road signs? Oh, shit.
Shit like that. They're going to cause an accident.
They're going to kill people. Yeah, you can feel
however you want about immigration. That's not
the issue here. It's nothing about immigration.
It's just that if you're going to be here and
drive our trucks or do anything... Speak our
language. Understand our language. Come here
legally. Please. There you go. Look, Rob is saying
this. Rob's saying... I was not going into the
immigration shit. Now that you bring it, yeah.
I was bringing up the point that, hey, these
truck drivers, if you can't speak English, how
can you read the road signs? Yeah. Oh, I agree.
with them shutting these people down. And also,
another thing to point out is... And it's given
us Americans more jobs. Here's what I'd like
to point out. No, that's fine, Rob. You have
a right to your opinion, and thank you for expressing
it. Me, I remain mum on this stuff because I
told myself from day one I wasn't going to get
political. I have my strong feelings about all
of that. But this isn't for me on this show.
Rob, it's fine. It's fine. You have a right to
your opinion. I had mentioned at one point about
a truck driver that couldn't speak English. And
then this story come up. It fit. I had to go
with it, man. Yeah. And I agree. And also, another
thing is... How can I accept something if you
cannot... Tell me what you're giving me. Yeah.
And I'm representing my company. And it's my
name on it. You know? No, I agree with you. And
here's something else to think about, Rob. Okay.
They also, as a truck driver, you have to fill
out these logs. How do you do that? You have
to explain how many hours you were on the road
because you can't go over a certain amount. Then
there's laws about how much weight you can have
in the truck, people that you can have in the
truck, drivers. You know, there's all these different
things that you have to do, these logistics.
I see where you're going there. Yeah. So therefore,
you have to be able to write English. Yes. Yeah,
I see where you're going. Yeah, to me, it makes
perfectly good sense. If it doesn't to you, okay,
that's fine. We don't argue politics on this
program because we're all adults and we know
how we feel. And Rob, I appreciate what you said
and thank you. So it is... That's very seldom
I bring something like that up, but that is something
that I've mentioned. When I read that, Bill,
I thought of you. Yeah. Yeah. That drives me
nuts. Yeah. No, you're right. The thing is, is
you have to spell your name, too. You have to
print your name and write cursive. Do you think
that's because younger generation can't read
cursive? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well,
that's what I'm saying. And now they've done
away with teaching cursive. So on the paperwork,
you still have to sign cursive and print. Well,
how are you going to do that if you were not
taught? That's true. You see what I mean? Yeah,
that's true. It's like somebody that dropped
out of school in sixth grade or whatever, you
know? Yeah. Yeah, I agree. On the Hill Jack or
whatever, you know? Okay, you're saying it too
now. It's fine. It's lovingly. People know us,
and they know we're joking around. You can call
me Hill Jack. I grew up in the sticks. You do
know what I mean. I'm a bonafide half and half.
I grew up half my life in the inner city, and
then the other half in the sticks. So I can say
that. Me too. And then part of it over in the
Mediterranean. I love it. It's a lot quieter.
Yep. I can't argue with you. All right. Shall
we go ahead and shut this bitch down? Yeah, I'm
done. Alrighty. Everybody, thank you for listening,
and go fuck yourself. That's what I always say
on the other program. No, goodnight, assholes.
Goodnight, assholes. Oh, no. Looks like the show's
over, kids. Mark has explosive diarrhea and can't
afford a wireless mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll
be back invading your ear holes soon.