Hey, you fucking derelicts. It's time for the
Daily Douchebag Pledge. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to download the show. I, Joe or
Jane Listener. Hereby promise to grab other people's
phones, unattended computers, public computers,
and all of my work computers as well, and download
the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to make other people listen. I,
Joe or Jane Listener, will hereby lie to everyone
about how quality the show is. I, Joe or Jane
Listener, promise to make all my family members
listen and recite the daily douchebag pledge.
And finally... I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
promise to make the trek to Knobloch, Missouri,
just to have a selfie with the Knobloch sign.
Here at Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't
stand behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead
and assume we got the story wrong. At least we
admit it. Not like all those other guys, we can
and will lie if it makes the story better. Two
Douchebags and a Microphone. So you want proof
that we love you here at QD Spades and Microfilm
Central? Here's a proof right here about the
drink of the week. Hey there, you little snack
cakes. This is Norwegian's Best Drinks. Norwegian
Cruise Lime has long been known as one of the
best drink makers on the high seas, if not the
best. In this drink, it's no different. It's
one of the most popular, and it's really good.
A smoked peach margarita. It involves one ounce
of 1800 silver tequila, one half ounce of mezcal,
a quarter ounce of triple sec, half ounce of
organic agave, half ounce of peach puree, and
one half ounces of fresh wine juice. Garnish
with hibiscus salt on the rim and dried blood
orange slices on the rim. Add all ingredients
and shake. And don't be bashful. Shake like nuts.
And then put it in a glass with crushed ice and
enjoy. Harambe used to listen to our original
show, Too Dipsious, and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen to our
original show, Too Dipsious, and Cheap Radio
Shack Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might
ask why Harambe never listens to our original
show, Too Dipsious, and Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is
dead. Senselessly murdered because some idiot
did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Two Gibshits and the Cheap
Radio Shack Realistic Take Recorder, or any other
show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Next up, things
overheard in hell. Only water that's available
here in hell is sulfur well water. Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark here in the Kansas
City vicinity and therefore the Kansas City chapter
of this here program. And I am Rob from the beautiful
Niagara Arm of Lake of the Ozarks. There you
go. Hey, right off the bat, I have a bulletin.
Okay, guys. This is for all the guys out there.
You're running short on time. May 11th is Mother's
Day. What's up, guys? And I will keep repeating
this. We may be on vacation next week. Well,
yeah, yeah. We won't be repeating this. You know
what? If I feel good enough and you feel good
enough, we may do one Monday night when I get
back. But right now, we'll just go ahead and
play that by ear, and I'll just get ready. Yeah,
you let me know. I will definitely do that, and
I still am holding out that chance that I figure
out how to do Anchor good enough, you see. Whenever
you start recording sound files on your phone
and then trying to get them on your computer
and trying to dissect them like we do and all
that, I just don't want to half -ass it. You
know what I mean? If we're going to do it, I
want to, yeah. I know we're primitive, but I
think we still have a standard that we like to
do. And, you know, we like to get in a certain
amount of what we consider funny and little ribs
and little skits and stuff because that's what
we do. We consider that one of our strengths.
So, you know, if it's just not that good and
I kind of figure out how to do it, it's just
not good. We'll just wait until Rob or I get
back and Rob and I can get together and do a
real podcast. So I think it will probably be
next Monday or Tuesday, not this one coming up,
the one after, but we will see. Until then, I
have like three shows that are going to come
out. Topher and I did a couple of shows, and
this is just the regular Sports Bastards and
Music Creep stuff, and they'll be going out.
One, I think, is going out Saturday, and one
is going out... And then this one here will probably
go out next Monday. So it's going to be virtually
like you don't miss anything anyhow. So we think
we got you covered. I think we have douchebaggery
and bastardism and creeps coming at you for a
while. So Val and I, we love this newer creamer.
Okay, you know, coffee creamer, right? You know,
like, okay. It's Chobani coffee creamer. The
yogurt people. Okay. It is really good because
it's more natural. The creamer is natural ingredients.
It contains like real cream. And it's not that
processed garbage, you know, full of nitrosophenes
and all that cancer -causing stuff that they
put in stuff like that. The problem is we can
only consistently find it on Amazon. You know,
Price Chopper or Hy -Vee or any of these places.
Every now and then you can find it. or walmart
you can find it every now and then but not that
often it's just not around that much and i don't
know if they're just now breaking it in or if
they just don't want it to be readily available
everywhere i i don't know or if it's too hard
to process in bulk so they kind of keep it you
know like if you get it great if you don't but
we've been able to find it consistently on on
amazon so stay with me here i'm going somewhere
We previously ordered a pack of grapes from Amazon.
And with the grapes comes three frozen water
bottles and a cold pack brown paper sack. You
know, the ones that are lined kind of with almost
looks like aluminum foil on the inside. The brown
bags. Oh, yeah, they're supposed to keep stuff
cool. Well, they pack that with three frozen
water bottles, you know, like the purified water
that you drink. that, you know, you're at a party
and they have a chest full of purified water
in there, those little individual little bottles.
Well, there were three frozen bottles in there.
And, you know, I'm thinking they just ran out
of those cold packs, right? It's like, all right,
I get it, you know. So the next time around,
well, first, I wouldn't think that they would
use frozen bottles, right? You wouldn't think
that. So you'd think they'd use those little
cold packs, you know, the kind that you put on
your muscles when they're sore or whatever, those
ice packs. They're small, and they don't cost
much, right? They don't take up much room? Yeah.
Okay. So I was thinking they just ran out of
them, and that, you know, they used these because
they were out of them, you know. So, well, we
ordered the Chobani coffee creamer again off
Amazon because we couldn't find it anywhere else.
That morning, I get a message saying it was delivered
on the porch. I open the round bag, and once
again, it contains three frozen water bottles
with the two coffee creamers. I'm asking this,
Rob. They are Amazon, right? Huge, huge corporation.
One of the most successful ones in the country.
Okay, I can go to their site right now and order
30 cold packs for a couple of bucks. Right? Why
in the world are they using frozen water bottles?
Think of the space it takes to have three frozen
water bottles as opposed to those three cold
packs. You know, I mean, think of the space it
takes to freeze three of them and then go make
3 ,000 of them because of all the cold stuff
that's going out, right? And the cost of electricity
to freeze those bottles and the cost of the bottled
water itself. What am I missing here, Rob? I
don't get why they would use frozen water bottles.
We have more advancement than that. You know,
we have cool stuff like cold packs and stuff
like that that will keep something like that.
It'll keep ice cream cold. I get those cold packs
at the store, right? And you put them in there
and they're fine until you get home. They stay
the temperature they are with those cold packs
and it's fine. Why would they use frozen water
bottles instead of those? It really sounds ridiculous
to me. So do you have any type of a thought at
all why they would do that? Or am I missing something?
Am I missing something? I don't have a clue either.
I don't. It seems kind of Neanderthal -ish, and
it seems counterproductive, doesn't it? Yeah.
Okay. Well, I mean... I mean, I just thought
I'd run that by you. And everyone else, if you've
got any thoughts on that or know something about
it, break us off an email. 2douches at mail .com.
2douches at mail .com. Send it in. Let me know.
Call me a dumbass. Hate mail goes to the first,
right? We love hate mail, don't we? Yep. Oh,
we love hate mail. Yeah, we will. We're just
going. We're just going. Yeah, we cannot wait
to talk about hate mail. So send it in. Give
us your jabs. We love it. All right. I get a
call the other day on my way home. It says health
care. Okay? Health care, that's the same thing
that these doctors have. It says health care
on my phone. It no longer says, like, Dr. Melvin
Thompson or something. It just says health care.
I answer the phone, and it's some idiot trying
to give me information about a timeshare that
doesn't exist. If it did exist... Yes, it said
healthcare, and they've done it again. And this
pisses me off, okay? He was trying to tell me
how I can get out of my timeshare, but I don't
have a fucking timeshare. So I have all these
questions, okay? How can he use the title healthcare
when health professionals do it? How can he get
around that? How can this idiot that obviously
is a moron thinking I have a timeshare when I
don't, and trying to get me to use him to get
rid of it or sell it or something why would i
do that when the first thing he does is he lies
to me with his title so i answer the phone you
know my mom's got meds that need to be changed
often um i had some blood work that i was i didn't
think anything was wrong but you know they wanted
it ordered so i'm like all right you know i'm
thinking it's one of those two things so i i
answered immediately right and it's this dumbass
This dumbass going, hey, yeah, I'm fucking Billy
about your timeshare. And I'm like, I'm like,
how come the phone said healthcare? I asked,
do what? Where was the timeshare? I don't know
where it was. I don't have one. He's trying to
tell me how he could help me get out of it. And
I'm like, I don't have a fucking timeshare. Oh,
okay. Yeah, yeah. And second off. why in the
hell the first thing he does to me is lie to
me and that is he's titled healthcare on my phone
okay so first thing he does lie to me and then
he tries to have me use him for some sort of
illegal situation i mean yeah you know i told
him this i told i said you motherfucker i hope
all your fucking offspring siblings and parents
all rot in hell with you he hung up promptly
after i told him that um what a piece of shit
that pisses me off and you know the problem is
is i didn't get where he said he was from is
the problem because i was so irritated that he
used health care to get me to answer the phone
I hope he answers again, even though I told him
and his parents and his offspring and his siblings
to all rot in hell. I hope he still calls me
again so I can figure out what service this is,
so I can turn it into the Attorney General and
let them know that some idiot's out there using
health care as their title and trying to help
you with your timeshare that doesn't exist. I'm
pretty sure the Attorney General would have something
to say about that. That's what they're there
for, right? Yeah. So... And let's see, Wednesday,
I was doing some errands, and I run by Whataburger
to get some fries to hold me over until later.
So I asked the kid if I could have a few ketchups,
right? He enthusiastically says, yes, I got you
covered, brother. So I'm like, cool. Okay, so
I'm tooling down the access road trying to get
back on the freeway, right? And I grab my fries,
and I look in there. There's only one ketchup.
What the hell happened to, I got you covered,
brother? Was that guy trying to be funny? I actually
brought somebody else in the kitchen for all
the interferes. Oh, okay, like someone caught
his attention and he forgot to throw the other
three in there? Or somebody else took over the
order, you know. Okay, yeah, because... He goes,
I got you covered, brother. And I'm like, right
on. I'm going to get fucking 10 of these things.
I look in there. I'm like, what the hell? One?
So, okay. I don't go to McDonald's, dude. Oh,
McDonald's. No, I don't go to McDonald's because
they will get your order screwed up. And they
will be very surly about it, too. So, I don't.
And besides, I don't like their food. You know,
it used to seem like their food had a lot of
taste. It's cheap. It's cheap, yeah. It's garbage.
And in our opinion, I mean, you know, it's just
like scraps of this and that. I could go to the
grocery store and buy frozen burgers that taste
better than that. I've thought that for a long
time, too. I agree with that, Rob. I agree with
that 100%. I could do that, too. And to me, their
stuff doesn't have much taste anymore. Maybe
I was younger and I had fresher taste buds. I
don't know. But to me, I just can't really taste
the food that they sell very well anymore. Truth
be told, the patties are only half the size they
used to be, too. Well, that's part of it. You're
eating a hell of a lot more bread nowadays instead
of a burger. Yeah, so I don't really mess with
McDonald's. Now, Whataburger, I like them, but
occasionally, I mean, they're really not what
they're touted up to be to me. When I used to
go to Texas to work a lot, it seemed to me like
that was a different burger down there. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it tasted better. It's that way any restaurant,
anywhere you go. Things are going to taste different.
Depending on where you're at. Well, I could definitely...
There's different ways of cooking, you know.
Okay. Well, you know, at first I thought, well,
you know what, I'm just imagining this because
I was used to eating them down there and now
they're up here. But no, this does not, this
is not the same taste in burger. I mean, it's
still good, but it's not phenomenal like it was
down there. So, anyhow. So, you're right. Well,
that's where it originated. yeah and also it
has to ship up here quite a bit further so it's
probably a little bit older than the beef that
they put on the grill right yeah so it's probably
a combination of stuff like that you're right
so but every now and then it's good but it's
not you know it's not what it was down there
so i was just kind of baffled by the uh the the
ketchup deal so so later in the evening uh i'm
getting my monthly massage i believe me i need
these i i worked Very hard my whole life. I lifted
very big pieces of glass, a lot of steel, a lot
of really heavy industrial work. Okay, so this
isn't this, oh, I'm just going to go, you know,
no one think I'm plush or... or, you know, spoozy
or whatever, booze or whatever, anything like
that. I really need these therapeutic massages
because I hurt. I hurt because of everything
I did in my life. So I'm getting my monthly massage,
and right next door is a Jersey Mike's sub. Have
you ever been to Jersey Mike's? No, no. I've
been close to one, wanted to go into it, but
didn't get a chance. They're fantastic. To me,
they're the best sub -chain around right now.
I was on to Firehouse for quite a bit. I hear
a lot of good about them. Yeah, yeah. They're
really good. I never bought into Jimmy John's.
I never thought their stuff was that good. Subway,
to me, feels like you're eating plastic. And
Firehouse is good. But I like Jersey Mike's a
little bit better. So I go in there and I pick
me, Val, and my mom up a sub. And I'm bringing
it back. You know, no one wants to cook before
the cruise. You know, it's just like we have
so much stuff to do. Like right now, Val's out
doing last -minute errands. So we don't have
time to eat. So, you know, we pick up stuff to
eat. So I get an Italian sub. And they both,
my mom and Val, get a bacon mayo sub. Chicken,
bacon, and mayo. So I get there, and I open up
the sack, and guess what's in there, Rob? What?
Five ketchups. Ketchup. Ketchup. I just kind
of go, okay, I'm looking around for a TV camera.
I go, uh -uh, this is not right. This is too
goofy of an incident, you know? So anyhow, I
was just kind of like, okay. Okay, I got it now.
Today's screw with Mark day. I just couldn't
believe it. I'm like, there's my ketchups right
there. So anyhow, I got some others. Well, he
did have you, bro. He did. He had you go do his
second job. Yeah, that was it. He was behind
the scenes. He goes, hey, hey. Someone didn't
give the guy that ketchup I thought he was. Give
him like four or five of them, will you, man?
So anyhow, and then finally, I got a John Carabi
book on Amazon that was used. OK, and I'm like,
oh, cool. I got a used book. You know, it doesn't
cost as much. All I do is read the damn thing
and I never see him again. I put him somewhere
and go, oh, I'll revisit it later. And I never
find him again or I end up giving them away or
someone borrows them or something. Right. So
I was like, OK, I'm going to get a used one.
And this is for the flight to Florida. And I
know it's only a three hour flight. But to me,
anything over an hour and a half anymore is a
long flight. because my back and knees get to
hurting because their seats are so small and
down so far and I get squirmish and move around
and you know and and you know what I mean you'd
probably be the same because you worked all your
life right yeah and it you know you start moving
around yeah so so anything over an hour and a
half I consider a long time so a book helps me
with that I start reading a book and I forget
that I heard and I need to squirm around and
I'm not pissing off the people next to me because
I'm constantly moving and fidgeting. So I open
it up and right on the front is John Karabi signed
it to some guy named Paul. Cool. I know. And
I was like, well, too bad the guy didn't have
the same name as me. to mark from john and anyhow
john said i think the guy was a guitar player
and john said uh keep watching those uh what
was it some some little bit guitar code um keep
watching the vibrations on the open chord paul
And I guess Paul was probably talking to him
about, you know, you get some vibrations sometimes.
And it's due to some, all different kinds of
things. Like sometimes it's just the neck of
the guitar. And he wrote something like that,
like keep watching the vibrations on the open
chords, Paul, John Karabi. And I'm like, wow,
cool. So anyhow, Paul, if you're listening, I
have your book. I hope you turned it in. I hope
like maybe a friend of yours didn't grab it and
sell it behind your back. Or maybe a family member
did, you know, or something like that. But I
have your book now. So thanks. Rob, we turn it
to you. All right. This Reddit thread was titled,
My brother witnessed this giant block of ice
fall from the sky. Okay. According to Matt Clark,
his brother Zach was the first one to witness
the phenomenon. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Uh -huh. Ooh.
Do they have any speculation of what happened?
Yes. Yes. They did. Okay. This particular phenomenon
of huge chunks of ice falling from airplanes
is not so common to experience. Okay. But it
is known as blue ice. Blue ice. Yes. Okay. This
particular ice is frozen sewage that gets dislodged
from the airplane mid -air. Although it is liquid
waste, due to the temperature, it freezes. It
detaches from the airplane and falls to the ground.
As much as it sounds rare, blue ice is a known
phenomenon. Wouldn't that suck if you got killed
by a block of iced -over sewage? Yeah, yeah,
yeah. And I don't know, for some reason, this
knews .com keeps coming up with a lot of my stories.
I noted that the images of a shard of ice went
viral after Matt posted them online. The post
quickly accumulated thousands of upvotes and
comments. Many of them filled with conspiracy
theories. Matt further analyzed the situation,
collected the data from his brother, and cross
-checked the incident with a popular flight tracking
website, Flight Radar 24. He discovered that
there was actually a plane about 1 .3 miles away
passing over. at 18 ,000 feet, traveling about
400 miles per hour at about the same exact time
this particular mysterious incident took place.
However, Matt believes that there is no solid
proof to know the truth and the origin of the
mysterious giant block of ice. And there is Well,
I know there's stuff that comes dislodged from
planes all the time, and there's also space junk.
They call it space junk. Some of it's from planes,
some of it's from satellites. And I know it occasionally
falls to earth, and it occasionally does pick
someone off and kill them. I mean, and that's
just dumb luck. You can't help that. I mean,
if that happens to you, I think it's your time,
right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean... Just word
of warning, if you see a blue chunk of ice hit
the ground out of nowhere, don't touch it. It's
sewage. Awesome. So it's Tidy Bow Man mixed with
crap. Yeah, yeah. Seriously, that's what it is.
No, I want to. It was on Hulu. I don't have Hulu.
Yeah, which means I would have to get Hulu. Yeah,
I have. Okay. Down there, the TV stations run...
And Roku. Okay, and Roku. So you would get your
TV stations from Columbia, Springfield? Well,
see, the thing is, I don't get local channels.
Okay. I stream mine. I go through my Wi -Fi.
I gave up cable because cable was costing me
out the ass. And also, there's... Man, as much
cable as we got, I would love to turn it all
off, but everyone else wants it. I don't give
my money's worth. For what I was giving for cable,
I paid for Wi -Fi and got me and my son, and
this was three years ago, got me and my son two
brand new iPhone 13s. Yep. Yeah. Well, I mean,
like I said, I watch my TV. I stream my TV now.
Yes, I would love to have local channels, but
I'm too far out. Although there's people around
here that do it. They have digital antennas.
I've tried it, but I don't pick up. Oh, oh, oh,
yeah, you're not going to get him in the bunker.
I would have to run an antenna all the way to
the roof, which is two -story. Okay. You know
what I mean? Yes, yep, I do. Okay, well... To
put a good digital antenna, because I'm roughly
95, 100 miles from either Columbia or Springfield.
Okay. So your main channels wouldn't be Kansas
City anyhow, I guess. No, I would not be able
to get Kansas City. Okay, okay. Okay, I got you.
I thought Columbia would be, but I wasn't sure
about Springfield. Okay, all right. Yeah, Columbia
and Springfield are considered local. Okay. But
you have to have a strong enough... digital antenna
to pick it up okay the right streaming service
or the you know cable or whatever okay so like
the other day when you had the tornado warning
those would be the two markets that would cover
you they would like break into live coverage
and go hey camden we have a tornado on the ground
confirmed okay okay Because Kansas City, that's
outside of their area. They'll cover down to
Clinton, but not much further. And they'll go
out to Warrensburg, but not much further. I mean,
they don't even go to Sedalia. Right, right,
right. Okay, I was wondering about that. You
want to take our first break? And I got a few
emails. I mean, there wasn't a whole lot of them.
I mean, here it is just like a day later from
the last podcast. But I got a few of them I can
read off. Okay. That sounds good. And we follow
that up with Ronnie's barbecue sauce list. Yes.
Sounds good to me. All right. We'll be right
back. Oh, wait a minute. I read it last time.
No, our list. Oh, our list. Oh, okay. I thought
you said, oh. We did not read our list. That's
right. Okay. All right. We'll be right back.
Thank you, Rob. All right. Sounds good. Cool.
The apocalypse just happened. You don't know
what to do. You don't know where to go. But we
can tell you what you can eat. Hi all, this is
Mark here. I'm usually the one telling you what
to eat during an apocalypse. Well, this time
I decided to go the other way. You ever consider
just going to ground zero and saying fuck it?
Do you really want to be the guy running around
looking for radioactive deer? guessing whether
water is not contaminated or not. No food, no
shelter, no nothing. Oh no, there's a strong
argument that says, you know what, let's just
go to Crown Zero and see what's for us after.
Just a thought. Now, for a limited time only,
Rob Rad's new video series, How to Booty Clap
and Squirt. That's right. Rob shows you his signature
booty clap and how to work with ease. Order today
and get a free pair of thongs with Rob's initials
on them. That's right. Rob's initials on a pair
of thongs and learn how to booty clap with the
best. Rob. Why two douchebags and a microphone?
Because two fucknuts and a recorder was taken.
Tomorrow morning, while grinding your coffee
beans for your double mocha latte, remember to
not get your genitals caught in the grinder.
It really hurts. And who can afford plastic surgery?
Stay safe, everyone. And now, Deep Thoughts with
Mark. How does a butterfly take a dump? It never
stops long enough. Maybe it just sits while lofting.
Maybe it shits real quick while chewing flowers.
Hmm. I may never know. Strange, but true. Born
in 1888, Grace McDaniels, later known as the
milk -faced woman, appeared physically typical
at birth. However, as she grew older, her face
became severely disfigured due to Sturge Webber's
syndrome. She eventually became a performer with
Harry Lowenstein's Traveling Circus, earning
$175 per week. Cool. And real quick, I'd like
to break in. I just got another email. I tried
to see if I had any more. I know. I forgot to
put the beginning of the show on the show that
I dropped last night. And I forgot to put in
the parody bits at the first. I know this. Sorry.
It's staying like it is. I'm not messing with
it. No pledge. No pledge, nothing. I have not
listened yet. So I did not know that. I didn't
know it either until I got five emails about
it. And then this was the fifth I just got. Okay,
thank you. These guys are on top of it. I swear,
man. Yeah, they're like... I love them. Yeah.
You ever been around a guinea bird? Little bitty
little gray bastard. Yeah, yeah. I am. Yeah,
I do too. They're mean little son of a bitches.
And whenever you walk through, they have their
nest on the ground. And if you get near it, they
start fucking jumping at you and attacking you.
Our listeners are guinea birds. As soon as I
do something wrong, they are pecking all over
me, dude. Dude, my first mother -in -law had
guineas. They're little bastards. I didn't walk
out the front door to go to my truck. go to work
in the morning, and they'd come running across
the yard chasing. Yes. I'd pull up in the driveway
from work. I'd have to run to the house because
they're chasing me in the house. I hate it a
little bit. I do, too. But I'll tell you what,
they make damn good carpets. Oh, I'll tell you.
If they come around, you can do it. Oh, God,
no. No, they're better than dogs. If you have
them around your house, the circumference around
your house, no one's getting in. They will peck
their eyes out. They are mean little bastards.
Not even you. You can't get in your own house.
No, that's the problem with them, though. They
don't care. They don't care if you live there
or not. A dog does. A dog's like, oh, there's
my master. Okay, cool. You know, guineas are
like, fuck that guy. I know he comes every day,
but no, he's not getting in this time. And then
the little fuckers just lay these tiny eggs.
Yeah, and if you... Not even an egg. And you
can't see... Like half an egg. Yes. And you can't
see the bastards. They lay them in the ground.
Their nests are in the ground, and they lay them
in the ground, and you almost step on one, and
they all come after you like a swarm of wasps.
So... Anyhow, enough about those little bastards.
But anyhow, this is what people remind me of
whenever I do something wrong. It's like a flock
of guineas coming at you and pecking at you.
Listen, guys, I'm glad you care, but I'm not
changing it. I don't have enough time. Like I
said, our vacation's coming up tomorrow. Yeah,
yeah, he's leaving now tomorrow. Tomorrow morning.
And I got to get this one processed and done
and then have it on a time release and come out
like Sunday or something or Monday. So forgive
me for that one. And maybe when I come back.
Come on, guys. Give me a little slack on the
leash. Come on, guys. Come on. I mean, it is
free. Okay. So. All right. First one. Fellas,
when you get put on hold to rent a cabin on the
lake shores of the beautiful Freeman Lake Massey
Arm. We have Fuckhammer music. Sorry, not sorry.
Remember I bitched about, you know, the Tuesday's
Gone With The Wind constantly being the hold
music? I'll tell you what, bitch. Save me one.
Yeah, it's got great... Save them the cabin.
I want to hear the fuckhammer music on there.
I'm going to call them up tomorrow and act like
I'm renting a cabin. Reserve me a cabin, Mitch.
There you go, Mitch. Come on. You owe it to us.
You owe it to us. No bullshit. No bullshit. I'll
go up. Yeah. He loves the beautiful Massey Creek
arm of Lake Freeman, right? Oh, I love it. That's
the best armor. Oh, I know. The Massey Creek
arm is the clearest arm around. Oh, it's just
beautiful. It ain't a diagonal arm. No, no, but
if you had to do a second, it would be the Massey
Creek arm of Freeman Lake, right? Yeah, yeah.
Mitch, at extreme southern end of the shores
of Freeman Lake, Massey Creek Division, cabin
number four. Thank you, Mitch. Ronnie and Tulsa,
mail undeliverable, conflict of servers. Please,
Ronnie, send it again. I know it's you because
that part came out. It was sent out Wednesday
night. So whatever email you sent out Wednesday
night, that's what it was. And that would have
been last night. But it said conflict of servers,
mail undeliverable, and it had your address.
So Tulsa King. the Tulsa King, please write me
back, whatever it was. Yes, please do. Well,
we know you will. No, yeah, I just, sorry. And
also, we're going to do your barbecue sauces
here when I get done with the emails. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Mark, did you say you have a webpage full
of your parody bits? Where can it be found? Thanks,
Diana in Shreveport. I didn't say that. I said
I want one. Isn't that what I said? I want to
get to where I have one? Yeah, you wanted one.
That's what you said. You don't have one currently,
but you would like to have one. As soon as there's
one available, I will let everybody know through
this podcast. And believe me, it's going to happen.
I really want one up because I'm really flattered
by the interest. I'm really flattered by the
interest. I mean, I work at these things, and
I think they're good, and I'm proud of them,
and I'm glad people enjoy them. So, Diana, thank
you. How's Shreveport these days? Had a lot of
flooding, I think. Mississippi River is like,
you know, all the flooding everywhere else. Mississippi
River is going insane down there. So we hope
you're safe. Don't go over any low -water bridges.
Give me some shrimp. There you go, Shreveport
shrimp. That's right. And don't put your feet
in any mud pumps. I need some shrimp. I need
some Louisiana shrimp. Yeah, those are big, what
are they, U10s or U12s or something, the huge
ones? Oh, they're gorgeous. Oh, yeah, they are,
yep. They taste so good. They actually, they
jump out of the water and they clap and wink
at you. Some of them whistle, right? Mm -hmm.
Yeah, okay. All right. Yeah, I'll see them do
it. Me too. Me too. I'm not going to say what
I was on, but I saw it. Rob, a pic of you in
your loincloth or it didn't happen? They didn't
leave a name. Rob? All right. All right. All
right. I was wondering when someone was going
to challenge you on that. It took them a while.
There you go. Pretty soon you're going to find
out. There you go. One cloth. Rob. So, all right.
Mark, what do you use to produce your shows and
the segments in between and the breaks? I love
it. I feel you do an outstanding job. And this
is like two because Diana asked about them too.
So I really feel pretty good about it right now.
I love it. I feel you do an outstanding job on
the production on primitive equipment. You really
have talent. Rob, I'm throwing you some love
as well. Good job battling Mark and his strong
opinions. But I love them anyhow. If I agree
with them or not. Jesse and Casey. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you, Jesse. And I do agree with you.
Rob is a perfect counterpart because I know I
have strong opinions. Yeah. He's the yin to my
yang, and I think it works great, and I'm glad
that you noticed. I mean, that is one of the
best compliments we've ever gotten, Rob. Do you
realize that? Yes. And also, whenever I'm, like,
convinced on something... Yeah. The Percocet
knives, I need you. I need you more than ever
because you're kind of like, okay, Mark, let's
go back over here, all right? I know where you're
going. Just come on. Just don't, come on. That
is what. Let me tell you about this cute little
puppy. Yes. Okay. Hang on. Where's my drool cup?
This is what, honestly. This is one of the best
compliments I think we've ever gotten, Rob. Yes,
I love it. I love it. This person, Jesse, I don't
know if you're male or female, whoever you are,
thank you, because this is a formula that we're
trying to lay out for people. You know, there's
Laurel and Hardy. There's Abbott and Costello.
You know, there's the yin and yang. You know,
Jerry Lewis, Dean Martin, that type of thing.
Google it. This is exactly what we're trying
to do. So, thank you, Jesse, male or female,
whoever you are. Feel free to write us back,
too. Love this. Thank you. Oh, and I also don't,
I didn't realize there's another part here. Oh,
and also, I don't want to hear you down yourself.
I really think you're brilliant. I don't know
if that's to me or you. Honestly, I believe that
it ain't towards you, my friend. Do I do that?
At times, yes, you do. Okay, well... Come on,
somebody. Somebody email him. Back me up on that.
No, Rob, I believe... No, you do. You do not
give yourself enough credit sometimes. You know
what? And actually, now that you said it like
that, I agree with it. That's what fuels me.
I can never go around with an ego, because if
I have an ego, I won't try. Yeah, it'd be the
end. Yeah, I'm the same way. Yeah, yeah. So,
Jesse, thank you. Thank you. I'll try to keep
from doing that, but like I said, it is kind
of a system to me mentally. Hey, it's part of
you. It's part of you. It always has been. Yeah.
It always has been. Well, I think it's served
me pretty well. I've done all right, you know.
And Rob, you say you do this too. It kind of
fuels you. You kind of throw some insecurity
up there to fuel on yourself, to make you try
harder to build up. I do it all the time. I do
it all the time. That's what helps get me through
life, honestly. I feel like I'm not good enough
for life, but I actually am, you know. You see?
And I really feel that this program really showcases
your brilliance. It does. And I hope you agree
with me. I hope you can hear it when you listen
to yourself, even though you probably don't want
to say it. I know you don't want to say it because
neither do I. But you have some really brilliant
moments that are so subtle that most of the people
will get, but there's some of them will not get
it. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I really enjoy them, and especially when I listen
to them the next day or the day after. Because
that's when I... To be honest, that's when I
catch them is during the replay. I don't catch
them when I'm doing it. Yeah, the same here.
When I go back and hear it again, I'm like, oh,
shit, that was good. That was good timing. Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I mean. I'll go back and listen.
I'm like, wow. I did not hear it like that while
I was in it, you know, so. Well, we're also too
busy going over our other stories in front of
us, you know. That's a good point, because I
started lining stuff out like you. Get the timing
right, be ready to jump into it, you know what
I mean. Yes. Yeah, we miss part of what we're
saying. It's funny. Yeah. We want to make it
work. And then the next day you're like, wow,
you know, that was great. I didn't realize it.
One of my problems is, is I deviate from what
I do so much. I'll have a set list up here and
I like to think it helps me and I'm not sure
how much it helps me. And the reason I have one
up here is that way I don't have to go through
my notes. But then when you start talking and
you remind me of something, I don't want to do
that note that I have set out there. And I'm
like, oh, where's that other, that remind me
of this. And I start looking for that other,
And that's like a me thing. I should really stick
to the script, you know, per se, and go down
the line of what I have written. But that's my
biggest issue. I have an idea of what I want
to do. And then whenever you start talking about
some of your stories, I want to throw some of
mine out and then put in some other ones that
I have. Right, right, right. Yeah, I'm doing
that. You know, well, we had an email here a
while back. I said I sound a little distracted
or whatever, and I was. But at the same time,
while we're recording, you know, this whole time
we're talking, I'm sitting here looking at my
next story, trying to weed out the parts I want
to cut out, what I want to say. You see, I attributed
it all to that because I didn't notice. I thought
the guy was bagging on you, and you suddenly
go, yeah, I know. And I'm like, what? So, okay,
well. All right. No, no, I honestly, I, no, I
had felt, I had been off for a couple weeks and
I knew it. Okay. Because I've been a little distracted.
Okay. At the same time, you know, every night,
whether we're having a good show or not, you
know, while we're sitting here talking, like
right now, I'm looking at this other story reading,
you know? Yeah, and you kind of, you got to kind
of do that. I mean, you know, you always try
to work ahead. Yeah. So, you're going to miss
stuff. So, that was the end. Like I said, I didn't
have too many emails. There's only been one day.
Those were great. Those were great. I thought
so, too. Except for Ronnie's. Send it back, please.
Okay. You want to do your barbecue sauces, top
seven? Yeah. Yeah, I'll jump into it. All right.
Sounds good. Okay. Don't give me no shit for
this. Okay. My number seven. I have to go with
Kraft. Cheap old Kraft. It's good. It's good
sauce. It makes good cooking sauce. I agree with
that. It's a great base for other things. Yeah.
Okay. I can see that. Yeah. And my number six,
since I haven't been to Kent City in a while,
I don't know. They're still even open. But I'm
going to go with Wine Dot Barbecue. They're still
open. Well, I remember back in the 80s and 90s,
that was some good barbecue shops. They were
in the running, you know? They moved locations
from the famous location, I forgot, over there.
Was it like Roland Park or something? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, somewhere over in Rogue. Where the hell
was it? Well, anyhow, yeah, they changed locations.
It was up on Metcalf, wasn't it? Yes. Was it
Metcalf? Uh -huh. Like 90... No, it was up past
that. It was up past that. Okay, now the only
one... Anyway, yeah. It's on State Avenue now.
That's all they have left is... is the one on
State Avenue. But I agree with you. That was
good stuff, and it's still in business. Okay,
and number five, got to go with KC Masterpiece.
Do they still make that? I get it down here.
Hmm, okay. Yeah. Okay. barbecue. Oh, I forgot
that one. Zarda's excellent. Yeah, yeah. Me and
my buddy Craig, when we were working around the
city, we'd go there quite often. That's over
like Blue Springs. The one in Blue Springs is
the best. I got one on 95th Street just off of
69 Highway in between there and I -35. Yeah,
yeah. Yeah, Zart is really good. They have this
Prime Select burnt -end sandwich that is just
out of this world. I don't think they had it
back when you were here. I think it's relatively
newer, like maybe 10, 15 years old. Yeah, we
were talking about back at the turn of the century.
Oh, yeah. The last time I was up there. Their
onion rings are out of this world. Have you had
their onion rings? It's been, like I said, it's
been 25 years, man. Okay. Okay. Okay, coming
in at number three. Sweet Baby Ray's original.
Can't argue with that. Number two? Uh -huh. original
yep and my number one gotta get my well a lot
of these get my Kansas City some love but Arthur
Bryant that made mine too yeah and I gotta get
yeah In like 25 years, stop having me some Arthur
Bryant. I've got to get up to KC, buddy. When
you come up, we can go there. There's only one
location left, and that's the original. I'm hungry.
Well, if you leave Arthur Bryant's hungry, that's
on you. They give you that huge sandwich. We're
going to get Arthur Bryant's. We're going to
get some jams. Yeah, we're going to. We'll go
on a tear. We've got to go to Dave's Hot Chicken.
That's one place. Wiener World is. Is temporarily,
hopefully temporarily closed down. Hopefully
they'll be back. But we can't go to Wiener World.
That is not in existence, at least not right
now. I hope they can bring it back somewhere
else. So I got a little earmark a few places,
so we're good. All right. All right. Number seven.
I have Kansas City Joe's original sauce. I still
love it. It's a molasses -based sauce. It's similar
to KC Masterpiece, but it's got more of a zest
and more of an ump to it. I think it's really
good. And it's really good for basting, too.
You baste that on ribs, oh, it's just something
else. So, my sixth one would be Jack Calhoun's
original Memphis -style sauce, and that is from
Nashville. That is really out -of -this -world
barbecue. Never tried it, so I cannot argue.
Okay, if you tried it, I'm pretty sure you'd
like it. They use white oak for smoking, and
it works really well. Even though there's tons
of hickory trees around there, they use white
oak, and it works. The next one, number five,
would be Walker's Bold Texas. pit barbecue and
you get that just south of frisco texas in the
dallas area or at least you did i think they're
still there my number three is gates original
love it love it love it It's still one of the
best sauces around. Yes, it is. Very good sauce.
Number two, I kind of got a tie going. I mean,
but I guess I'll just go with one because you
didn't have a tie. It's Arthur Bryant's Rich
and Spicy. The original I'm not real fond of.
The Rich and Spicy is awesome. And Jack Stack
original. But I'm going to go ahead and edge
out Jack Stack and put in Arthur Bryant's Rich
and Spicy because... you didn't do that so and
then my number one solid and i don't think you've
had it as meat mitch have you ever had meat mitch
barbecue sauce or barbecue it's a newer barbecue
and it's really good they serve the sauce at
a lot of different areas too like the char bar
in westport uses meat mitch and meat mitch has
a restaurant at kansas the new kansas city international
airport he also has one uh in overland park kind
of near olathe and i think he's got another location
popping up but meat mitch is phenomenal barbecue
and sauce so that's it Jack Stack would have
made it, but, man, it's the Steady Eddie. I mean,
I still love it, but, I mean, you know, I just
had it too much. They're right down the road
from me, and I still love them. Right, right,
right. Yeah. So, all right, Rob, I think you
had a great list. I think I had a great list.
Yes. All right, let's take our second break and
come right back with a story you want to talk
about. Does that sound good? Sounds good. Then
that's our plan. Next up, things overheard in
hell. Well, that new Hanson CD is just a laptop.
Uh -huh. Hey, look. I think we found land. Oh,
my God. I think we're safe. Oh, no. It's an island
of horrible jokes. What do you call a factory
that just makes okay products? A satisfactory.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room,
wait five minutes, and scream, Hey, there's no
toilet paper in here! Have you ever wondered
what something is or not? Have you ever looked
at something and said, Hey, I wonder what the
origin of that is? Well, so have we. That's why
we give you The Origin of The Origin of the Middle
Finger. The origin of the middle finger gesture
as an insult is debated, but it's widely believed
to have roots in ancient Greece and Rome, specifically
a sling to phallic symbolism and used as a way
to express insults, taunt, or even mourn off
evil. The specific origins are unclear. The middle
finger has been documented as a gesture of disrespected
anger for over two millennia. Your mama is like
the sun, big, round, and hard to look at. Our
constant pursuit for a real knee slapper. It's
strange insults from an alien. Real hilarity.
May your five -year -old neighbor have all their
violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
Hey there, fuckstick. You're just in time for
brand new feature news nobody gives a shit about.
A Japanese man has grown a 63 -leaf clover. Two
douchebags, a microphone, and an effort to keep
everything fresh. We offer you first world problems.
My new crime series TV show is going off for
at least three months. I can't believe this.
What am I going to do to fill in the time? Don't
these guys think of this? Even over a hot microphone,
I am Mark, and I'm the Kansas City chapter at
the extreme southern edge of the Kansas City
Metroplex of Two Douchebags and Microphone, if
that made any sense at all. And this is Rob in
the Duck Blind studio on the beautiful triangle
arm of Lake of the Ozarks. There you go. Rob,
go forth. All right. Okay. Well, it's not very
controversial. It's one I ran across. Okay. A
Missouri middle school student and his family
are suing their school district after the student
was suspended for sharing a photo of a homemade
art project on Snapchat. The project made from
glued together Dr. Pepper cans. appeared to resemble
a rifle. According to the lawsuit, the Mountain
View Berks Tree School District suspended the
accused student, a 13 -year -old boy, for three
days after a parent saw the post and reported
to the school in September 2024. The lawsuit
contends that the student created art It's can
art. I've seen that before. Yeah. The student
assembled Doc and Pepper cans to mimic the shape
of a rifle documented in his project through
Snapchat. According to the court documents obtained
by... and a voiceover audio clip that described
an AK -47 weapon. The lawsuit adds that the student
was not holding the object in the photo and the
post did not include any I think they have a
pretty good case, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I do too.
How can a school suspend somebody for something
that did not happen at school during school hours?
That's a complete overreach in my opinion. Nothing.
Yeah. It's just a... It's just... Tanner. America's
soft. Agreed? Yes. Jeez. You let something like
this ruffle your feathers, God forbid something
really go wrong. You just collapse. Now, I want
to ask, how many of these... Exactly. It doesn't
mean you're going to go out and shoot. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. It's ridiculous what people try to
pin on normal things. I'm telling you, this soft
shit is really concerning because... You don't
think that other countries that hate us are looking
at that? Yes, they are. They're going, man, they're
just counting down the minutes until they can
invade us because everyone's going to go run
in their corner with their fucking safety blanket.
Yeah, they're just waiting for another generation
or so to get out of the way. Yeah, they're going
to go, these guys ain't going to stand up for
themselves. Look at them, man. They're afraid
of a fucking soda pop can. image of what could
be a shotgun. It's ridiculous. Ridiculous. So,
thank you, Rob. That was a good story, and I
think we got our point across, and I'm not saying
anything else except that. Like, people, pick
your battles. Gosh, man, pick your battles. Be
a little bit more intelligent about the battles
you pick. Because you start doing this shit,
and anything that really is really pertinent,
they're going to laugh at you. Like the boy that
cried wolf. So, all right, I like that story
a lot. Not that people are doing that, but I
thought that that needed attention, and I appreciate
that. Yeah, I did too. All right, I got a slightly
different story here, Rob. You know what sous
vide is? It's like a sous chef, S -U... S -O
-U -S -V -E -I -D -E, I believe is how it's...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sous -chef, yeah.
Yeah, okay, well, sous -vide is a new way of
doing food. It's kind of like all the rage now.
It's a French culinary process of steaming food
to make food tender and flavorful. I'm not a
fan, but virtually everyone else is. Do you like
sous -vide at all? Okay, no need for sous vide.
The perfect steak can be made in your dishwasher.
Now, remember, like I said, this is a steamed,
they put them in bags. They put them in like
this bag to steam them. It's a process. I can't
really explain it all. You can look it up online.
So, an Australian barbecue buff. has tested the
dishwasher's culinary potential by cooking the
perfect steak inside his dishwasher, as he told
in a recent viral Instagram video. We were going
to post this as an April Fool's video, but it
turned out it was so damn good that we had to
run with it. This originally appeared on Under
Seasoned Barbecue Podcast, whatever the hell
that is. Show co -host Simon Luxton was attempting
to prepare the meat sous vide style, in which
foods are vacuum sealed in a bag and cooked for
a long period of time at low temperature water
bath, generally from 120 to 160 degrees Fahrenheit,
depending on the desired outcome. However, instead
of the standard water oven or immersion circulator,
The Aussie said he popped the vacuum -sealed
meat in the dishwasher and let it do its thing.
I put it through the actual cycle, recalled Luxton,
who said he initially tried the ribeye rinse
as a goof, not thinking it would actually work.
A company footage shows that the meat sack sitting
on the dishwasher upper rack alongside dirty
dishes, which I thought was kind of stupid. I
would have done it on its own, wouldn't you?
Yeah. But he didn't put in soap. And anyhow,
after taking it out of the washer, Luxon said
he rusted the steaming steak for 20 minutes and
cut it out of the plastic so it would stop cooking
any further. The barbecue chef said he then seasoned
it with salt, pepper, and other ingredients before
searing the thick cut for 90 seconds with butter
to form a crackling crust. Happy to report no
soap was used. Despite his initial skepticism,
Luxton said that the result was unreal. And recalling
even the fat was so perfectly rendered. Like
that knuckle of fat that runs through the middle
of the scotch rib filet. It was butter. It was
butter instead of that fat. The footage showed
that the cut was perfectly pink in the middle.
Nothing like something out of a prime steakhouse.
And while the podcaster still recommends a Traeger
grill or regular barbecue device for a smoky
flavor, he said, if you got to put a dishwashing
cycle on before dinner, give it a crack. Chuck
a steak in there and see what you can do. He
said, pretty much your dishwasher is turned into
a sous vide machine if needed. So, and to me,
that's the easy way of doing it. Because if you
look up doing sous vide, it's a process. Like
I said, it's a French culinary process. It's
actually been around a lot longer, but it's kind
of like the rage now. Everybody wants their meat
tender and like really, really moist and flavorful.
So sous vide is kind of in. I'm not a fan. I
just don't like the way it tastes, but a lot
of people love it. So there you go, sous viders.
Use your dishwasher. And we turn it to Rob. Union
boss Jimmy Hoffa vanished without a trace. Corrupt.
Oh, come on, Rob. That is just a stereotype.
Allegedly. Go on. Sparking one of the 20th century's
most enduring unsolved mysteries, the National
Enquirer can finally reveal that he... spending
eternity at a former construction site in northern
New Jersey. An eyewitness to the disposal of
Hoffa's remains has stepped forward to disclose
the long -sought truth. Interesting. Huh? I said
interesting. Yeah. Identified only as Jeff. Bruce
Nagel and S .M. Chris Ansbaugh's new book, The
Last Mob Warrior, he recalls the sinister chain
of events that occurred in 1975 while he was
working a summer job at the site. Jeff says that
one day, soon after Hoffa's July 30th disappearance,
a sickly dressed man approached him. gave him
$20, and told him to go grab some lunch. But
instead of taking a break, he hid in a spot that
allowed him to see what was happening. He recalls
two black Cadillacs arriving at the site, which
was located next to the now -shuttered BJP landfill
near the Hackensack River on the outskirts of
Jersey City. One had Michigan license plates,
and some men removed a shrouded corpse from the
trunk of that car, dumped it on top of some rotten
eggs and mutton, and covered it with lime and
dirt. Shaken, Jeff told his father what he'd
seen. His dad warned him to keep his mouth shut
about it, adding, you're probably the only one
alive. who knows exactly where Jimmy Hoffa is
buried. As the world knows, the notorious labor
leader was last seen getting into a Burgundy
Mercury Marquis with three men outside the Matches
Red Fox restaurant near Detroit after a missed
luncheon with two unknown gangsters. Within months
of his death, The FBI began receiving tips that
he was buried in a Jersey City landfill. The
feds could never pinpoint the exact location.
Then in 2021, the FBI scoured the TJP landfill
after a former employee gave a deathbed confession
that he buried Hoffa there. author Nagel says
no one is ever going to find Hoffa's body because
it's likely dissolved by the wine and whatever
is left lies beneath the distribution warehouse
that now sits on the site. The feds were close.
Okay. More than where he's buried, I would like
to know the story on who had him killed and why.
Was he rubbing everybody the wrong way, getting
too much power? I don't think we will ever find
out. I know. Well, there's a lot of hearsay and
speculation and all that, but there's never been
any clear -cut anybody saying, yes, this is why.
And like you said, we'll never figure that out,
but to me, that's the real mystery, not where
he's buried. I mean, you're not going to find
him. He is obviously in Lyme, wherever he was,
and there's not going to be anything left. You
might as well forget that part of it. I would
like to unravel the full story because I find
things like that extremely interesting. Why did
they do it? and what led to it, you know, because
there's usually a series of events with someone
that powerful. You know, it takes a lot for everyone
to agree, you know, yeah, let's get rid of him.
There's always people who are like, I don't know,
you know, the new guy coming in might be worse.
You know, there's all this stuff going on, and
there's a lot of people very skeptical. I don't
know, you know, this is a good way to get caught,
stuff like that. So you know everybody wasn't
on board. So what it took to make everyone go,
yeah, he needs to go. Or was it just some rogue?
Was it a rogue outfit that just decided, you
know, hey, we want his portion, whatever, you
know. Well, a lot of the stories I've heard,
they keep mentioning this Miss Luncheon with
these two mobsters. Yeah, at that, yeah. Was
that enough to piss them off? I mean, I don't
know. I mean, there's so much to it. It was probably
a series of events would be my speculation. It
wouldn't have been anybody, honestly. My thing
is, the missed luncheon was probably the straw
that broke the camel's back. It was a series
of events. He might have snubbed them a couple
of times before and then finally they're like,
okay, this guy's playing fucking cute games with
us and we're tired of it. So, wow. Thank you,
Rob. I always love stories like that. We've got
something interesting here, and of course, totally
different than what you were talking about again.
I'm good at that. I know. Popeyes has a new pickle
menu, Rob. Pickle? A pickle menu. Sounds like
angels and harps, my friend. Yes, it does. Here
is the most delicious menu ever. Next to lasagna.
I mean, it's right there, almost elbow with lasagna.
That tells you how good this is, right? Anything
elbow with lasagna is up there, right? Yeah.
All right. First off on this amazing menu is
the pickle glazed sandwich. A briny twist on
the iconic Popeye's chicken sandwich, featuring
crispy ham -battered chicken coated in a zesty
pickle glaze, topped with thick -cut pickles
and served on a toasted brioche bun. Now that's
no joke, is it? That sounds good. Yeah. The next
one coming up on this delightful, heavenly menu
is pickle glaze... Bone -in wings. Oh, good.
They let the bones in. Those are the wings. The
other stuff are glorified chicken tenders. This
is a wing. Bone -in. The signature crispy, juicy
bone -in wings are tossed in a bold, tangy, pickle
-infused glaze, delivering the perfect balance
of savory heat and briny goodness in every bite.
Next up, pickle -glazed boneless wings. All the
crunch. All the flavor. none of the bones these
tender hand -battered boneless wings are drenched
in a mouth -watering pickle glaze made them a
must try for a true pickle lover next one just
good old fried pickles rob we know how good they
are right yeah no pickle menu is complete without
this classic Crispy golden brown fried pickles
and battered in Popeye's signature seasoning
and fried to perfection. Served with a side of
creamy ranch dipping sauce. Oh, I heard angels
layered on top of angels singing there. Did you?
Yes. And pickle lemonade. It might be good, but
right off the bat, I'm saying I'll pass. I'll
go ahead and take a Coke Classic. Yeah. The tangy,
refreshing drink you didn't know you needed.
This is what they say. This sweet yet savory
lemonade is infused with real pickle juice for
a surprisingly addictive sip that pairs perfectly
with every item on the menu. But wait. There's
more. If you're in New York, be sure and stop
by our flagship restaurant in Times Square. From
a green exterior sign to a completely pickled
out interior, this is a one -of -a -kind experience
and is a must -see. They have regular limited
menu pickle items on the menu, but only at the
New York Times Square store. So, the original
one. And Rob, after that, and after all that
beautiful, beautiful pickle talk, I turn it back
to you. Okay, well, I was going to go with one
story. I don't like it. Okay. Let's see here,
what else do I have? Let's go here. Okay. Stain
guitars. Kid Chris Show, which airs on the WEBN
station in Cincinnati. There he weighed in on
Savelle's frontman Pete Loeffler's 2001 claim
that the band hadn't received any money from
record sales despite selling six million albums
for Epic Records. It turns out, according to
Mooshop, Spain had a similar experience. I believe
it. Okay, but reading this, I don't see how he
can claim it's the same experience. Okay. I've
sold I don't know how many millions of records,
and I've never once received a royalty from the
record company after 20 or whatever, 25 years.
Give me a second. Okay. Sorry, I had to call.
Oh, okay. All right. Well, they heard the premium
feed goat noises. royalty from the record company
after 20, whatever, 25 years, we still owe them
money. We haven't been on the label since. I
don't know, 2011 was the last record we put out
on the landing, and we still owe them money.
Listen, I'm not going to lie, they gave us large
advances, and that's why we still owe them money.
But seriously, they have to be paid off. He had,
I think it's estimated, like another three years
it'll be paid off, and he'll actually start making
royalties on our records. That's what I was,
yeah, he tried to make it sound like It was the
same, but... No, that ain't the same. It wasn't
the same, but I do understand the intent. You
guys got it. You owe it. Don't even try. Yeah,
I agree. So, okay. Rob, you want to hear the
menu on Wine .BBQ? What they have now? Yeah.
All right. If you go to Wine .BBQ, which we might
do while you're here, you can get a full slab.
$18 to $24 .99. It depends on what type of a
slab it is. Short end, long end, or St. Louis
or baby back. You have a half slab, short end
side, $12 .99. And oh shit, my computer just
went blank. Fuck. Ugh. Hang on, let me see. Oh,
no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has
explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading
your ear holes soon.