And now it's time for the Daily Douchebag Pledge.
Two douchebags and a microphone pledge. I, Joe,
or Jane Listener. hereby promise to download
every show. I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby promise
to grab family members' phones and download the
show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby
promise to go to public computers and download
the show from there. I, Joe or Jane Listener,
hereby promise to laugh at all the unfunny jokes.
I, Joe or Jane Listener, hereby promise to lie
to all my friends and tell them how good the
show is. And finally, I, Joe, or Jane Listener
promise to visit Montrose, Missouri to take advantage
of the power plant, campgrounds, and junkyard
all within its quarter -mile radius. Here at
Two Douchebags and a Microphone, we don't stand
behind our journalistic integrity. Go ahead and
assume we got the story wrong. At least we admit
it. Not like all those other guys. We can and
will lie if it makes the story better. Two dish
bags and microphone is the only podcast available
anywhere with gusto. That's right, I said gusto.
Gusto is a magical ingredient in Schlitz beer
that makes it so damn delicious. So enjoy a little
gusto from your podcast today. So you want proof
that we love you here at QD Spades and Microphone
Central? Here's a proof right here. How about
the drink of the week? Hey, sporty pants. How
about a black currant margarita? 24 ounces of
tequila. The best or wow good. 20 ounces of cream
big cassé. 96 ounce big bucket margarita mixer.
Garnished with lined wheels. Served in a tall
pollens glass. Combine ingredients with Big Buffy.
Stir, seal, and open the vent. Freeze and serve.
Enjoy, poggers. Have at it. Yes, it's true. Mark
is an old bastard. It's also true that Mark uses
a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would like to tell
you, if you see any pictures of him roofing ibuprofen,
it's obviously fake, and you're to take the pictures
and tear them up immediately. Enough! Deep thoughts
with Mark. If a person must eat bread dough while
having a yeast infection, would the bread then
rise in their body? I may never know. Hey, look.
I think we found land. Oh, my God. I think we're
safe. Oh, no. It's an island of horrible jokes.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
Yo mama's so depressing, blues singers come to
visit her when they got writer's block. It's
been proven. A laugh track boosts an audience
enjoyment of the show greatly. Sadly, we don't
get many laughs here at Two Douchebags and a
Microphone. Vlad Rad took the liberty of sneaking
into a funny popular podcast and secretly recording
them. You will hear them periodically throughout
the show. We hope this works. Don't have too
much fun. Two Douchebags and a Microphone. I'm
Mark here in the Kansas City vicinity. My angle
arm is Lake of the Ozarks. That is the best arm
at Lake of the Ozarks. It's spring fed. It is
beautiful. So if you go to Lake of the Ozarks.
It's actually the getaway arm. It's the quieter
arm. Yeah, the one up the stream there is the
party one with all the party boats. One down
there are the ones that people that just want
to hang out and get away from all that other
stuff. It's more families on this side. Yeah,
yeah. That's what I like about it. So if you're
into shenanigans, go up Creek a little bit. If
you're not, go down there where Rob is, Camden
Ten Area. Yeah, and go to a safe beach. Yeah,
no, no, unless you want a bunch of excitement.
Do they still have a heavy police patrol there
now? They did for a long time. Oh, yeah, we always
do, man. At all times, we have Camden City, Camden
County, which is based right up here at the square
in canton okay and we have highway patrol okay
hey stay around here too and you also you all
said and we also have water patrol which is part
of highway that's what i was getting ready to
say yeah water patrol highway uh highway patrol
everywhere oh yeah Yeah, and in case anyone doesn't
know, well, let me tell you about a little something
that used to go on, okay? And you just reminded
me of this, so I'm kind of going off of what
I was going to start to talk about. We'll get
into that in a minute. Okay. I used to go over
to Grove, Oklahoma, okay? And that is the Buffalo
River, maybe? Does that sound about right? It
goes through Northern Lake. Or is that? I don't
know. Yeah, yeah, Grand Lake. Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about. The river that feeds into
it, is it the Buffalo? I know it's not the White
River. That's... I think it's not. Yeah, White
River is down around Springfield, isn't it? Yeah,
yeah, and then it goes down towards... Yeah,
I think you're right. I think it is the Buffalo.
Okay. Well, I know this for a fact because I've
seen this done. All right. You go down the Buffalo
River, you know, and the dam for... Grand Lake
of the Cherokees is over a little ways away.
So you're going down the actual river that made
the lake, okay? And if you keep going that way,
you're going to end up in Missouri, okay? Now,
people that are fishing don't realize where they're
at. There's no marker. And as soon as they cross
over into Missouri, they get a huge fine because
most of them do not have a Missouri fishing license.
Wasn't that crazy? Right. Yeah, they sit out
there. They sit out there and they know where
the line is. Or they used to. I don't know if
they still do. But I saw this done right in front
of us. And we turned around real quick and said,
no, we're going to stay in Oklahoma, aren't we?
And also, Grove is in a dry county. So right
there at the Missouri State line is a liquor
store. Yep. And they have the craziest laws,
too. You have to have a trunk, I believe, or
I don't know if it's still like this, but you
remember when you had to have a trunk? You had
to put the alcohol in. It had to be closed. It
could not be in the cab. Yeah, and it also couldn't
be in the back of a pickup truck either. Did
you know that? No, I did not know that. Okay,
they may not enforce it anymore, but that was
true because we had one of Oklahoma's finest
tell us that. He said, yeah, he goes, technically.
He said that you really couldn't have it in the
bed of your truck either, although most of them
probably don't go that far unless you're being
a real dick to them. That's one of those things,
like you have to be a real dick, and then they're
like, all right, well, let's see what's in the
bed of this guy. And then that's when you can
enforce it. But it's hard to believe there's
still dry counties, isn't there? Yeah, yeah,
there is. But I understand a lot of it's religious.
Yeah, yeah, and you get over that part of Oklahoma,
it is pretty religious in a lot of areas. So
it's pretty much the Bible Belt down there, too.
So, yeah, they don't believe in the drinking
shenanigans. You keep that devil water away from
them, right? Right, right. It's just devil water,
isn't it? Straight from Satan's asshole. That's
right. All right. Well... I was looking for a
certain cigar for the cruise. I know I'm talking
about the cruise a lot. I apologize. I'm all
jazzed up. And this led me to this right here,
what I used to do. I just remembered it. So I
was looking for a CAO Cameroon wrapper. It's
a South African wrapper that they put around
it. And it is just, to me, I love it. I don't
think they make them anymore. But it reminded
me of what I used to do because I had those on
the very first cruise I went on. And I just thought
they were fantastic. And now it kind of brings
back memories and stuff if I can get them. But
I don't think they make them anymore. So, you
always hear about the power of suggestion, right?
Yeah. Okay. Well, I believe it to be true because
I tried it for real. And it also worked on me.
And I'm positive it exists. I've been talking
about the cruise we're going on soon. I went
to Mexico for the first time maybe, I don't know,
20 years ago or so. and I used to buy these alleged
Cuban cigars in Mexico until I was informed by
a captain of one of the Carnival ships how to
get the real Cubans in Mexico. You know, I would
really think the cigars I bought previously,
the fake Cubans, were the best cigar ever. You
know what I mean? You just all of a sudden, you
think it's the best cigar ever, and I'm kind
of like ashamed to admit that I fell for it.
I'm like, oh my God, these are great cigars.
Until Captain Descalas informed me. Because he
used to have these smokeouts on the way back.
I've been on a couple of ships that he was a
captain on, okay. And he's a cigar smoker. And
he said, attention everybody. Come up on the
top deck. Smoke your Cubans with me. Final night.
Get it out of your system. Smoke them now. Back
to reality tomorrow. So I went up there and it
was just me and him. So anyhow, he said, you
know. I'll tell you how to get real Cuban cigars.
And I'm like, what? These aren't? And he took
a look at him. He goes, nah. He goes, you see
that band? See how shiny that is? Yeah. He has
a real heavy Italian accent, too. I can't really
duplicate it. But he goes, you'll see this rapper.
You'll see how shiny it is. And I know I'm not
sounding anything like him. And I go, yeah. He
goes. Cuba, they never invest in their equipment.
It's all old equipment. The Castro's won't let
them. I'm like, wow, okay. So he said, you get
a band from Cuba. It is not shiny. It's old.
It's old looking and it's dull because of their
old equipment. I'm like, oh, okay. He said, that's
the first one. He said, the second one. It does.
And I was like, wow, I never even thought about
that. And so I look at all my cigars. Yeah, and
now it's Raul, but I hear he's just the same,
if not worse. But yeah, he used to make them
use their old equipment, okay? So he would sell
the, so they'd sell these cigars that were alleged
Cubans, and they would have somebody around there,
Cozumel or whatever, they would have them make
these bands that were fake. Only they didn't
really put that much into it, because the average
American consumer doesn't have any idea, including
me at the time. that they don't look like that.
They're not shiny. And they don't come in a pretty
box with a plastic glass on the front of it and
all that. They don't. They're in an old wooden
box that is usually burnt, you know, what the...
Yeah. Yeah. And so, and then he showed me something
else. He said, you see the end of this? It's
got a Cuban pigtail on it. You pop that pigtail
off, and it's supposed to give you the best dry
ever. He said, if you pop that pigtail off, this
is if you buy a Cuban pigtail cigar. It's got
a little tie end on the end of it where they
tied the leaf together. And you rip that off.
And if it's not one of the best straws you've
ever had, it's fake, too. He said, no. He said,
this is something that they could not teach when
they went to Miami or wherever they went, the
old Cubans that used to roll. They didn't know
how to teach it to people. You know, it was just
something like ingrained in them. You know, when
they were like three, they were sitting on their
grandpa's lap rolling these, you know. So he
said, you know, you pop this off, you smoke it,
and if that draws off a little bit, if it's not
one of the best draws you've ever had, that is
not a Cuban cigar either. I'm like, okay. And
he said, and if you don't have a pigtail, look
at the end of it. He said, you're going to see
three wrappers bound together, but they're going
to look like... because they wrap one way, one
way, one way, one way. Does that make sense?
Yeah. It does to me. It does to me. Okay. At
the very end of the cigar, it should look like
diamonds because they do something where they
wrap them really, really tight and close together,
and that helps to draw. So people that are not,
like, out of Cuba don't know how to do this,
but the people in Cuba still do. And so he said,
here's what you do. He said, you go down to the
Captain's Palace, I believe was the name of it,
or the Captain's Room or something like that.
It's a cigar house, and it's on the main drag
in Cozumel. At the time, there was only two ports.
Now there's 20. So I can't tell you exactly where
it's at, but I'm sure if you get to Cozumel,
you can ask them, hey, where is this cigar shop
at near the port? And they could direct you there.
But like I said, there's 20 ports now. All I
know is it's near Senior Frog's One Half, right
there on the beach. So you go there, and you
walk in there, and the first thing they go, hey,
amigo, hey, hey, como here, I got your cigars
for you. You want Cubans? And you're like, yeah,
of course I want Cubans. And then they get you
these alleged Cubans. As soon as he does that,
you go, no, uh -uh. I'm here for Captain Descalas
cigars. Don't fuck around with me. Oh, oh, okay,
okay. They take you to another room with the
Cubans, the real Cubans. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I
walk in there and hear, ta -da! The room lit
up and angels sang. I'm like, wow, this is fucking
cool. So I'm like a kid in a candy store. The
only thing is they're extremely expensive like
I thought they would be. Oh, yeah. And that's
the other rule about Cubans. You do not get a
Cuban cigar for $20. No. You might as well look
$45 to $50 at the least. If you want a really
good Cuban, that's what you're going to pay for
it because they don't make that many and they're
in high demand. And pretty much the wealthy people,
they go over to Cuba or wherever and they grab
as many as they can for themselves and there's
not that many left. So I go in the back room
and I get these Cubans. So I had this boss at
the time who was a real dickhead at my old company
that I always make fun of. And I come back from
a trip. And he's like, hey, did you get me any
Cubans? And I'm like thinking, I fucking hate
you. Why would I get you Cubans? And I go, oh,
yeah, yeah, I sure did. I forgot to bring them
in today. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, I'll bring them
in tomorrow. So I took the bands off of the alleged,
well, I took the real Cuban bands and I put them
on the fake Cuban cigars. This is complete, horrible
ditch weed. I put the bands on there. And I come
in a couple days later. There he is. I go, hey,
I got your Cuban scars. Oh, no shit? Yeah, yeah,
yeah. How much do I owe you for it? Nothing,
nothing. And I hated the guy. And I think he
thought I liked him after that. Well, he was
wrong. So he smokes them up one night. A couple
weeks later, he comes in and goes, man, you got
any more of those? No, I didn't have any more
bands. Otherwise, I would have sold him one for
50 bucks. But I'm like, no, I don't have any.
He goes, man, that was the best cigar I ever
had. I go, I know, man. Could you taste that
kind of vanilla minty flavor? I just made all
this shit up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when
it puffed, could you see like maybe a little
touch of gray in it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I
go, man, I don't know how to describe them. They're
the best cigar ever, aren't they? Oh, yeah, they
are. Oh, my gosh, man. Thank you so much, Mark.
I really appreciate it. Yeah, no problem, guy.
Next time I go to Mexico, I'll get you some more,
man. Okay, thank you. And then I started getting
them from Canada because I go and see my relatives.
Before COVID, I went up every year, but that
put a big chunk out of it now. So I would buy.
Cuban cigars from there and then I bring him
back and I put the wrapper on there so every
now and then I bring him a fake Cuban and he
would just be so thankful and I was just laughing
my ass off because he thought he really did he
thought these cigars were the best things ever
and then he ended up getting fired and I still
had his home number because we needed it whenever
we went out of town or something to you know
Because to communicate, like I'd be in one hotel
room, he'd be in another. And he'd go, hey, we're
going to get up about 6 and get down there about
6 .30. You know, we had to have each other's
number. So I waited a couple months, and I sent
him a message. He'd go, those were not Cuban
cigars, you stupid ass. Those were ditch weed
with a Cuban band. You're a fucking idiot. He
never did answer me back. I, I seen him one time
at Price Chopper and we met eyes. He turned around
and walked the other way. I was like, that's
right, bitch. That's right. You've been had.
So, um, anyhow, you know, um, I just thought
it was funny. So I, it was fun brutalizing the
knuckle dragger like that because, um, he not
only was he a dickhead, but he didn't know his
job either. So, you know, It always is a good
time. Do you want to do that to somebody? Can
you think of somebody you want to do that to?
I'll say I don't know. anybody smokes cigars
okay well you can't do it to me okay so I want
to get to this this isn't an apology because
well they kind of they kind of met their own
fate by the way they did things as far as I'm
concerned they're not all bad but a lot of them
are anyhow okay You know, I've been bagging on
baseball for some time now, and I can admit when
I'm wrong about a few of them, right? And remember,
we're not the biggest baseball fans because of
certain things, right? Right. Yeah, you know,
the way it's set up, your team can't hardly win
if you're a smaller market. The strike, they're
serving. Yeah, it's not like football. There's
not a salary cap. Each team, whatever money you
bring, Yeah. And I do not like that. I think
there should be a sour cap. There should be,
but their union is so strong. And look, I'm retired
from a union, okay? But there's got to be something
within reason. And the reason I say that is because
don't you want a fair... All the expensive players
go to big markets because the Kansas City Royals,
they are not even worth the YES Network that
is the New York Yankee Network. That network
alone, the New York Yankee network, serves so
many people that they generate more revenue than
the entire Kansas City Royals franchise. So when
that happens... They have been for years. Yankees
have been top of the chain for years. Yes. And
that's how come larger markets can buy a championship,
and we cannot. It's not fair, in my opinion.
I do not agree with it. No, I don't either. I
think it's bullshit, and I think people saying
that know it's bullshit, but they're just trying
to get their cash or whatever. That's the way
I feel. I feel that they know it's bullshit,
but they don't care because they're getting theirs.
So I have to admit when I'm wrong about a few
of them, okay? For instance, Salvador Perez,
he's a fantastic person. You know, there's quite
a few really good guys in MLB. I know this because
there's quite a few of them. They do things.
They do charity work. People meet them on the
street. They're nice to them. They sign stuff
for them. There are some good ones. In Houston,
a man accidentally grabbed a home run ball that
Mike Trout could have caught for an out. The
man was so distraught. Yeah, he was so distraught.
Did you see the guy? He didn't know what to do.
It was out of reflexes. Yeah, I would have done
the same thing. Wouldn't you? You'd have been
like, oh, fuck, the ball's coming out. I better
catch it. And it wasn't a Steve Bartman, I think
was his name, in Chicago where he stole the ball.
Stole the ball from the guy in the playoffs.
So, anyhow. So, the guy was like freaked out,
you know. He was really distraught. He didn't
mean to do that. And so. Nobody knew this, but
Mike Trout took and had security go get him.
And everybody thought that he was being removed
because of interference. And they're like, oh,
man, they're kicking the guy out. And his son,
too. So everybody's kind of like up in arms going,
what the hell? So Trout had him taken back to
the inside, whatever, the tunnel, I guess. And
he said he wanted to talk to his man and his
son. And he gave them a signed baseball bat and
a signed baseball. And he told the guy that he
knew that he didn't mean, you know, that it was
out of reflexes and he could see how sorry he
was and how distraught he was. And he just wanted
to let him know, hey, I'm not mad at you. I understand.
I would have done the same thing. And he gave
that kid the thrill of his life. That kid was
just like so ecstatic because he got to meet
his idol. You know, Trout is one of the better
baseball players and very well could be a Hall
of Famer. But it's really cool to see one of
them being that real, that generous, that caring.
Showmanship, yeah. Yeah, so I got to admit, man,
Trout is a great person. Like I said, Perez is
a great person. We had some really good people
here come through Kansas City. And actually,
like Alex Gordon, there's a lot more that I could
go on. There's a lot more of them that were really
good people. So, you know, I bag on baseball
and so do you, but it's just because we care
about, we care enough about it to not want it
to be ruined, which it pretty much is, you know,
so. And then finally, Rob, I listened to the
last podcast, right? And you brought up the story
about Russian forces having a battle with aliens,
right? The aliens unleashed a weapon that turned
the forces into stone, right? Yes. That's what
the story said. Okay. The aliens became one and
fired a weapon that turned these soldiers into
stone. Okay. All right. Well, I was thinking
this. Actually, I got to, you know, I was thinking
stone is a mineral. Like salt. And there's a
story in the Bible very much like that. And also,
the other thing is, and this is just me being
conspiracy, that's all. Okay. Probably nothing
to it, but I'm going to get people, hopefully
get people to chatter about it. There's going
to be a leader comes along near a tribulation
that had a head wound but lived. Hmm. Let's see.
When did that happen? Oh, wait a minute. That
was earlier this year, wasn't it? Just something
to think about. Nothing else. So, Rob, we turn
it to you. Okay, I'm going to go into a totally
different direction. Good, you need to. Thank
you. You see, I'm doing what I do. You're doing
what you do. Yeah, yeah. Never heard before music
from Patsy Cline was released on Saturday. What
the fuck? Yeah. Okay. According to people, a
limited edition 2LP set of new recordings is
now available. The full collection, imagine that.
The lost recordings. 1954 and 1963. also set
to be released as a two -CD set, which is the
same day that the digital download will be available.
There are 48 tracks, all live performances, and
they will feature 15 never -released songs. Included
in the release are new renditions of Crazy, I
Fall to Pieces, and Walking After Midnight. Whoa.
Who found these? It's not saying who's actually
released it. It's evidently whoever's legally
available to release them. Okay, yeah, because
there's something that happened not too long
ago, kind of long the same. Go ahead. No, wait
a second. Klein's Patsy's daughter. Okay. Okay,
cool. Yes. Okay, that's cool. It's been more
than 60 years. Since she was killed. Wow. Okay.
Actually, March 5th, 1963. Wow. Which is my birthday
six years ago. before I was born. Wow. Yeah.
Pretty cool. Does it say how her daughter discovered
this music? Because that interests me for some
reason. No, it don't. But I guarantee you they've
had it. I guarantee the family and everybody's
had it. Yeah, that's what... It's been well protected.
It was Patsy Cline. Come on. Yeah, that's what
I was thinking too. And, you know, maybe they
got to look into funds and bank accounts and
was like, you know, we need to release that.
What I found interesting was last year, I believe
it was last year, Black Sabbath released a tune
with Ronnie James Dio that had never been released
before. Now, everyone would think that would
come from Wendy Dio, his widow, or from Tony
Iommi. Right? You know, the leader of Sabbath
pretty much, especially during the Dio era. But
it didn't. It came from Jeff Nichols' son. Do
you know who Jeff Nichols is? He was their keyboard
player. He was not visible for years. But then
after everybody left, except for Iommi, he had
Nichols come out because his... His singer, Tony
Martin, was not very photogenic and didn't have
a lot of charisma. So Tony Iommi, since the whole
feature was him, he had to do center stage. He
was very uncomfortable with it. So he said, you
know what, let's bring out the keyboard guy and
we're going to have Tony Martin over here next
to me and the bassist to the right. That way
he would be more comfortable with it from what
I read, right? But Jeff Nichols' son... He wasn't
a keyboard player all the way through Sabbath.
He was there for maybe 10 years. His son got
this track of Ronnie James Dio era Sabbath, and
it's called Slapback. And I found that odd that
it was Jeff Nichols' son, because you wouldn't
even think that Jeff Nichols, a keyboard player,
would have had the music, right? Yeah. You would
have thought it would have been Wendy Dio or
Iommi or something like that. Or even Geezer
Butler or something. But I thought that was interesting
stuff. So this is her daughter, so I get it.
And also, real quick, Tribulation is what happens.
Revelation is a book where I was speaking of
some of that stuff I was earlier. So all you
emailers that are going to come in and gouge
me, you can't now. There you go. Oh, new email.
Two douches. Live .com. I know it works because
I'm going to get to them in the emails here in
a minute. So, anyhow, you want to take our first
break? Yeah, sounds good. That'll happen then.
And now, Deep Thoughts with Mark. Hmm. If James
Bond is the most famous spy, Wouldn't that also
make him the worst spy? Hey there, fuckstick.
You're just in time for brand new feature news
nobody gives a shit about. A man in Spain has
collected over 3 ,470 cell phones. Now it's time
for pickup lines from a loser. Do you believe
in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?
You watched the news. It looks grim. Is an apocalypse
inevitable? We suggest you download all our podcasts
beforehand and have multiple mobile chargers.
We have the post -apocalypse. Homemade dye from
plants are essential. The dyes can be used to
mark locations on trees, even to color clothing
or to be laid out. to where footprints or paw
prints could be left. The dye can be placed on
the ground around the perimeter of your dwelling,
so if you have to leave, evidence will be present
to assess the situation. To radiation. Watch
him glow. Watch Rob Red jump up 25 feet and grab
birds out of thin air with his mouth. With his
mouth! Rob can now be a mentor for children's
parties and bar mitzvahs. That's right. Come
on and rent you a Rob today. That's right. Come
by and rent Rob for a day. A day! A day! Watch
Rob consume seven bottles of night cream and
still break dance in New York. Watch Rob Redd
fart down a building. Fart down a building! Rob
Redd assumes no responsibility whatsoever. He
is not a babysitter and he doesn't give one hell
of a shit about your children. Please remember
to corral every little bastard you have. Before
Rob gets there, and Walt will not put up with
any backtalk, he will promptly get them in the
place. Rob Rehag assumes no responsibility for
anything that could be stolen from his visit.
Rob Rehag has no responsibility whatsoever in
any help him of any situation. Read a Rob today.
Harambe used to listen to our original show,
Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder. Harambe does not listen to our
original show, Two Dipshits and Cheek Radio Shack
Realistic Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask
why Harambe never listens to our original show,
Too Dipshits, in a cheap Radio Shack realistic
tape recorder. Well, it's because Harambe is
dead. Senselessly murdered because some idiot
did not watch her child properly while looking
on her phone. Sadly, Harambe does not listen
to our original show, Too Dipshits, in the cheap
Radio Shack realistic tape recorder, or any other
show. Anymore. Sorry, Harambe. Two douchebags
and a microphone, as entertaining as a botulism
burp. Have you ever wondered what something is
about? Have you ever looked at something and
said, hmm, I wonder what the origin of that is?
Well, so have we. That's why we give you The
Origin Of. The origin of smoke detectors. Different
versions of smoke and heat detectors have been
around since the late 1800s. But a key step in
the invention's evolution came from a Swiss physicist
named Walter Jaeger. The story goes that Jaeger
was trying to create a device that would detect
poisonous gas. It didn't work. One day he lit
up a cigarette in Viola. His failed poison detector
became itself an effective smoke detector. So
there you go. Hi there. This is your ears. Why
are you listening to this garbage? I thought
we were friends. Two douchebags and microphone.
This is Mark in the Kansas City chapter. And
I am Rob at the beautiful triangle arm of Lake
of the Ozarks. All right, awesome. I just got
thinking while we were on break. Uh -huh. I'm
going to go down to the bridge. You know what?
Let's see how beautiful it is. It is. It's a
beautiful lake. So, especially that area there.
And then you start getting into the, is it the
Mark Twain Forest behind you there just to the
south, I think? No, Mark Twain is like east.
Southwest. Southwest. Okay. Southeast. Southeast.
That's right. Okay. It's more down around West
Plains. Okay. Okay. You want to get into some
emails? Yes. You know I always want emails. This
is the best. Same here. I love them. The people
that write us are insane, but very entertaining.
Just like us, or we think. I tried the new email.
Did you receive it? No name or nothing. Yeah.
Whoever you are, I received it. That's because
I just read it. No name on the address or nothing.
I tried to do the email. Did you receive it?
Yeah? There you go. We got it. Alright. Hey guys.
I now have my own podcast. It's the Mitch and
Clint show. One guy is clever and one guy is
a mongoloid. It will be like the odd couple.
Clint is a mongoloid. Mitch. be told, Mitch,
you did not have to tell us that. We knew that
part. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you're talking about
overkill. We knew. We knew. We knew that Clint
is a mongoloid. We knew. Mitch also sent us,
I think he did another one here, too. You know
what? Or maybe I didn't get that one yet. Okay.
And it's signed. Mitch on his voice texting 5G
going through the one house and the two lots
known as Gun City. I know where Gun City is.
Yeah, we discussed it, I think, one time. It's
a burnt -down church, a burnt -down bar, like
one house. You're talking about a town that had
some fucking problems. Yeah, okay, well, I hope
you had fun going through Gun City. I guess.
I'm starting to wonder if they've turned down
the Montrose. Our plant didn't get Mitch on the
run. I'm thinking he started out Montrose. I'm
pretty sure he did, too. He was going to supply
us power with an extension cord. Remember? Yes.
Oh, yeah. It was him. I think so. He's on the
run now. Now that you've said that, I knew he
was from somewhere before. He's on the run. That's
funny. Well, he has a lake house and a beautiful,
massive creek. It sounds like he's doing great
for himself. Yeah, I mean, he has all these houses.
I mean, shoot. Mitch, yeah, he's a man, man.
He's everywhere, too. I mean, you know, shit,
he's in Knoblick, Gun City, where else? Montrose.
I mean, he's covering all the big tourist areas,
right? Freeman Lake. Oh, how could I forget Freeman
Lake? Huge tourist attraction. People come from
all over the world for Freeman Lake Massey Creek
Arm. They know about it. So, all right. Douches,
I have now successfully moved and can listen
more regularly. I'm really liking the Mitch dude.
Is he a real emailer or is he a character? Ronnie
and Tulsa, the Tulsa King. Just one question.
Oh, I'll get to that here in a minute. Yeah,
he's real. Ronnie, he's as real as you. That's
the funny part. Yeah. This guy has been writing
us from almost day one. I mean, he's, yeah, he's
real. We got to get him on the show. We do. He
promised, and so did Ronnie, and, oh, and Clint
said he would, I could call him up, and him and
I would have a debate. So we'll see how that
goes. I don't know. Hey, hey, let's take that
one up for a vote. Yeah, you know what? Who wants
to hear Mark and Clint have a debate? You know
what? I don't know how to speak Mongo, so maybe
I shouldn't. Just one question today. This is
still from Ronnie in Tulsa. Tulsa King. Just
one question today. If you were to form a super
group of four musicians, who would they be and
why? You want to try that right now or you want
to come back with it later? Sorry, I didn't.
Yeah, let me. I'm going to have to give that
what you thought. Me too. Four musicians. Four
musicians only. Okay. And the super group and
why you would pick those people. So, Ronnie Goodwin.
Oh. Right back at you. So, all right. Sorry,
I forgot. I usually try to prep you with a question
like that. I'd forgotten all about that part
of it. I just remember the part about him liking
Mitch and thinking he wasn't real or something.
So, anyhow. All right. Mark and Rob, what was
better, Twilight Zone, Night Gallery, or the
Night Stalker? Corn Bacon, Maryland Heights,
Missouri. Or better yet, rate them from first
to worst. I'm going to have to go Twilight Zone.
I'm going to have to go Night Stalker. Then Twilight
Zone. Yeah. Cold Shack, the Night Stalker to
me, was like one of the perfect shows. It scared
the hell out of me. But you know what? No, no,
no, no. Actually, Twilight Zone. I was more the
weird type. Actually, I'm going Twilight Zone,
too, after I thought about it. But a close second
would be, to me, Twilight Zone, Night Stalker,
and then Night Gallery. What about you, Rob?
I would put him in that same exact order, but
I would have to put Twilight Zone a little further
up than you. You know what? Actually, you know
what? I watch it all the time. You're right.
Rod Serling, I mean, the whole introduction,
it was so weird and so odd. Yeah, it was so weird,
and you really had to get into it to understand.
It was extremely thought -provoking, and it was
eerie, and it was scary. So, all right, I'm going
to have to put Twilight Zone ahead of them by
a good little margin. And then the Night Stalker
was more scary, scary. Yeah, yeah, it was. It
was. And Kolchak was the... big guy or the main
character and he got himself in some pretty scary
situations that I loved as a child probably still
love him if I watched it and then Night Stalker
or no no no Night Gallery um Night Gallery was
good but I think the other two were far better
what do you think yeah I I would keep it right
like that Okay. All right. Cool. Corn Bake in
Maryland Heights, Missouri. Okay. Thank you,
Corn. I guess that'd be his first name. Mark,
the transcripts are not that horrible. I'm not
sure what that mailer was looking at. Terry in
Wichita. They're really not. They miss some words,
but man, I see typos and wrong words all the
time on closed caption on TV. Exactly. Yeah,
I think AI does that too. And AI does not get
everything perfect, as we all know. And I think
that just the fact that we can get somewhere
in the ballpark for people that are... I've never
been interested in transcripts. I mean, I...
didn't want to read. You know, if I want to read
a book, I'll read a book. Okay, I was just going
to say, I don't read them either. No, I don't
think they're that important. I listen to our
recordings and that's it. Yeah, me too. I don't
want to read it. I don't have time to read it.
No, that's the same way I look at it too. I mean,
if I wanted to read a book, I would read a book.
Right. I mean, it's only been a couple people
that bitched about him, honestly, to be fair.
I know. And they're not that bad. So, yeah, you
know what? I agree with you. Terry. Terry in
Wichita. Thank you. All right. And Rob agrees
with you, too. So that's a two for us. So there
you go. It's two for Tuesday, right? Yep. All
right. There we go. All right. Mark, I dream
of kicking you right in the ass repeatedly. Josh
in Huntington. I don't know where Huntington
is, but anyhow. Josh, any day. Oh, go ahead.
What? I'm on it. Okay. Thank you. Okay. You need
to aim higher, Josh, or get a hobby. I'm thinking
a good hobby for you would be a lead paint remover.
That's a great hobby for you, Josh. So, okay.
All right. I will donate the material. Okay,
I found a Huntington in West Virginia, Ohio,
Kentucky, where it's a point where they all meet.
I'm going to say Ohio because it's probably Ruth
Ann's neighbor. Oh, no, no, it's a point. Oh,
a point? Okay, here it is. Here's one in Indiana.
Okay. Or Township, Huntington, Long Island, New
York. Oh, this could be anywhere. Yeah. Well,
I would tell Josh to write us and let us know
where he's at, but I don't think we necessarily
give a shit, do we? No, not at that point. Okay.
Maybe look it up. There's too many places he
could be. Okay. I'd be following you all, though.
Yeah, okay. Josh, we don't care enough to know
where you're at. All right. Next one. I will
donate the material for the Sgt. Pepper's outfit
for Jeffy X. Stanley in Oak Lane, Florida. Thank
you. There we go. Now you got material to work
with. You see, Rob has been dishing out his own
cash for all this material, and he's kind of
disappointed. Oh, go ahead. seven duck. Wow.
I managed to get three duck. Okay, Stanley, will
you send him the rest of the material? Yeah,
that would be great. Alright, Stanley, you can
go to the Facebook page and get Rob's email there
and let him know. Let him know where you can
pick this material up or where you have to send
it. So thank you, Stanley. Yeah, I would rather
just have the material. There you go. You see,
Rob is a true man on a mission. He just wants
the material so he can make... Yeah, I just need
the material. He needs to make these Sgt. Pepper
outfits for our dear friend Jeffy X. He risks
his life every time getting these products that
didn't work out, and we appreciate it. Yeah,
I'm going to be too short. Too outfit short.
All right, so this is where Stanley comes in.
Thank you, Stanley. Thank you. If anyone wants
to donate beer or alcohol of any sort, We can
arrange for that, too, right? We can. All right.
Or cocaine or hookers. We can arrange to intercept
any of those, too. That's if we broke the law,
but we don't break the law, right? We don't.
Okay. All right. Who was better, Kurt Cobain
or Layne Staley? llama farmer owner Mitch at
his llama farm guest house at the beautiful Massey
Creek arm of Freeman Lake. I told you Mitch did
two of them. I didn't know I had this one down.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say Lane Staley. Damn.
He had a hard... I was edging towards Lane myself.
Yeah. Yes. I like Lane's power. Much better than
Cobain's. Cobain's was more angry, where Layne
Staley had a very similar voice, but with more
power behind it. And I think he was a better
singer and could harmonize better. Yes. Yeah.
Well put. Well put. Okay. Yeah, Layne Staley.
All right. Rob, let's go to you. All right. Well,
while we're talking about music. Cool. Fuck that.
That's better. He didn't like Gene Simmons' bullshit
about hauling around his equipment and paying
$12 ,000. Yeah, I kind of like this because if
you're that big a fan, you're going to do it.
You're like, hey, I finally got to do this. You
know, a huge Bon Jovi fan my whole life. They
actually give you a little bang for your buck
where Gene Simmons is probably going to be, in
my opinion, probably going to be an asshole to
you and take your $12 ,000. You're going to haul
around his amps. Well, here's the part I like.
It's at his own venue at his restaurant there
in Nashville. Uh -huh. So it's a smaller venue,
so it would be more intimate. Yeah. Yeah, I think
that would be worth it. I think I agree with
that. I think that's awesome. Yeah. If I was
that big of a Bon Jovi fan. In quotation marks,
special gift. I hear it's Bon Jovi's underwear.
Hey, I could hang him up in the studio. Rob,
you gotta go. You gotta get his hands. Can't
wait to get your hands on his underwear. Let's
see, where the hell was that? Is that it, Rob?
Yeah, that's pretty much all I need to read on
that one. I think they might bottle Bon Jovi's
farts and give them to people as they're walking
in. What do you think? No? I don't know. Maybe
not. That's just me. It might be. It might be.
It might be. It might be. Yeah, that'd be cool,
you know. Hey, what's in the bottle? Bon Jovi's
farts. Huh? Yeah, yeah. I went to Nashville at
his place there, his venue, and, well, the special
gift was a bottle of his farts. What? Yeah, he
farted in this bottle. No shit? Yeah, yeah, this
bottle right here. All right, and next. Oh, Loch
Ness Monster camera deployed in 1970 is pulled
up from water after 55 years with eerie photos
revealed, Rob. Yep. We haven't heard about the
Loch Ness Monster in a while, have we? Actually,
I read something like last week and it was on
my list and I never got around to it. Oh, okay.
Okay. No, that's cool. These secrets have been
locked away for over a half a century. An underwater
camera deployed in 1970 in an attempt to capture
images of the Loch Ness Monster was accidentally
recovered. But it boasts some incredible photos.
It is remarkable that the housing has kept the
camera dry for the last 55 years. That is pretty
good. Now, if that had been in the ocean, that
would be a different story because of the salt.
But it being in a deep lake, that's pretty good
still. Adrian Shine of the Loch Ness Project,
which has been hunting for Nessie since 1970s.
That's what the cool kids call Loch Ness is Nessie,
right? Right. We sit around looking dangerous.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. We smoke Marlboro
Reds and talk about Nessie because we're cool.
Oh, and I roll my jeans up too. They told the
BBC after identifying the aquatic recorder. The
gadget was one of six cameras sent down into
a submersible known as Boaty McBoatface. I'm
not kidding you. It is, but really nothing else.
Honestly, I think there's six of them. Six of
them? That makes sense. They're a family. Yeah.
They're a family of Loch Ness's or whatever.
Yeah. Particularly. I've had four kids. Yeah.
Particularly. Let's take our second break. What?
Yeah, take your second break. But heck, I'd still
do that. Be right back. Introducing Rob Rad's
new book, How to Track Your Enemy by Scent. That's
right, smell your enemy before they get you.
Order this gem now and get a free virtual tour
of Rob's secret bunker in Camderton, Missouri.
Also receive a free copy of his new book, How
to Clean Raw Sewage for Food. Two bush bags and
microphone in an effort to keep everything fresh.
We offer you first world problems. Damn it. The
city services website is down again. I can't
believe this. I'm going to have to actually call
and talk to someone to pay my damn trash bill.
This is ridiculous. Now, from his underground
bunker in Camden, Missouri, a stock full of dried
goods, canned food, and a couple of vibrating
toys, is Ramblings of a Madman featuring Rob
Rad. When everything is coming your way, you're
in the wrong line. in a box of Cheez -Its, we'll
be right back. Hello, this is Satan. You might
know me from my pet name, Inflation. I'm here
to tell you that there's no better way to relax
than listen to two douchebags in a microphone
by a nice warm fire at night. I sit there and
I reflect on all the souls I burned that day.
Enjoy. There you go. Here we go again. Particularly.
Particularly. Particularly. Particularly. Particularly.
Ah, fuck it. Rob, we turn it to you. Are you
serious? After that? Okay. Yes. Oh, something
about her trip to space, right? Yes, yes, yes.
I love this. Yeah, go ahead. Okay, Katy Perry
took to social media after her return to Earth
following the highly publicized Blue Origin space
trip. Yeah, yeah, Jeff Bezos is the one that
is sponsoring this, too, so I think he had to
throw his girlfriend in there, you know. She's
pretty hot, too, so. Yeah, yeah, well, this leg
is funny. The trip took just 11 minutes, in which
time the crew soared more than 60 miles high.
The tweet has since raked in 30 .2 billion views,
187 ,000 likes, and 6 ,100 comments. Not everyone
was amused by her words. A critic pointed out,
girl went to space for 11 minutes and came back
acting like she escaped interstellar. Yeah, of
all people, I agree with that. Of all people,
how did Katy Perry get on that ship? That's what
I'd like to know. That's what I said from the
start. Who? You know, and Gayle King. Yeah, Katy
Perry. At least Gayle King is a news person,
you know. Yeah. And Jeff Bezos' girlfriend, well,
we know why she's there, you know. Well, yeah,
yeah. Nepotism, yeah. So, wow. Particularly.
Yep. That's all I got on that one. I love the
fact how her fans came after her, and a lot of
them were fans, too. And they're like, oh, okay.
Yeah. Like, who the hell are you? Yeah. Yeah,
I agree with that. It's like, you know... And
she did kind of get on her high horse, I think.
What do you think? Yeah, and that's what they
got on to her about, was getting on her high
horse. Nothing like home. Well, what were you
doing off this planet to begin with? Yeah, yeah,
I agree. And the only reason she's there is because
she's an entertainer and she has money. Not because
she's a scientist. or some other value. It's
just her own personal ha -ha getting out there
in space. And then after she did this ha -ha,
she had to let everybody know that she did this.
And anyhow, the rest is explanatory. All right.
Rob, are you familiar with the Chupacabra? Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. The mystery creature resembling blood
-sucking chupacabra shows up at a woman's house
in freaky footage. It does, too. Rob, just look
this up. Or anybody else, look it up. No one
believed me. A Colorado woman was scared out
of her wits after she was visited by a creepy
critter that came in the night. A Facebook clip
of the animal's baffling commentators, including
wildlife officials with guesses ranging from
a rabid wolverine to a blood -sucking chupacabra
from Latin American folklore. I told everyone
about it, and no one believed me. Immortified
Jenny Lynn, 30, told Penn News of the baffling
beast, which showed up outside of her home in
Pueblo, Colorado, that is. Or Pueblo, I guess
would probably be the way you say it. I first
saw it last Monday. Pueblo is the way I voice
it. Okay. Well, that. I first saw it last Monday
during the afternoon. It was sitting in the road
in front of my house, the Colorado, and recalled,
it didn't run or act afraid of me, and it turned
and it looked at me, and I got chills and ran
back inside. Opened up my living room curtains,
and it was there, recalled Lynn. She tried to
shoo the prowler away, but it ignored her and
started eating cat food. Hell yeah! The Chupacabra's
like, fuck you, I'm the Chupacabra, and I'm going
to eat your cat food, and there's not a damn
thing you're going to do about it. Isn't that
what he did? Hell yeah. Yeah, he gave her the
double -barreled fingers. He's like, I'm here,
you're there, and you're going to stay there
while I'm here eating your cat food. I love that.
I knew the Chupacabra had swag. I knew he had
swagger, didn't you? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. He looks mangy, but he... Yeah, he's got
some swagger to him. Yeah, he's got some swagger.
He don't care. He's the Chupacabra. He'll do
whatever the fuck he wants. So, there's more
to this story, but I think, you know what, I
mean, look it up. If you're really curious about
it, look it up. It looks like real footage, and
it looks like something that has been described
as a Chupacabra for many years now. And if you
ever know someone, well, usually, you know, they're
of Latin American influence, they swear by him.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're there. They're
around. So, it all came from somewhere. That's
what I got to say. It all came from somewhere.
So, all right. Rob? I remember when I first started
hearing about them. Uh -huh. They were, like,
in, like, New Mexico, Texas. Uh -huh. And then
they started moving up later, you know, later
in time. I can, too. And also, they're kind of
like the armadillo. The armadillo used to just
be Texas. Then it was Oklahoma. Oh, you guys
are infested with those bastards. They will dig
up a lawn. They'll make a lawn and one night
look like you plowed and disked it, getting ready
to plant seeds. Seriously. Oh, a friend of mine,
he lives down at Stockton Lake. You know where
that's at. That's not real far from you. He said,
I guess they get really pissed off. He saw one
of them, and he went and he got his shotgun,
and he shot him, but it hit his armor and peppered
him on inside. He got mad and lunged at my friend
and was making weird noises. He had to run inside
the house because that armadillo was going to
tear his face off, he thought. I didn't know
they were that aggressive. I didn't either. Yeah.
He's not a bullshitter. I believe this happened.
He said it jumped in the air so high it was almost
head high and was lunging at him. One of those
little armadillos. But, you know, I mean, he
did pepper them pretty good with buckshot there.
I mean, you know, well, it probably wasn't buckshot.
It probably really was a 12 -gauge load. But
he tried to kill it because everybody knows that,
like, there's tons of them, and they're all diseased,
and you have to quell the herd. That's it. I
mean, that's just, there's no other answer to
it. so if you see one you probably should kill
it because if not it's going to die a horrible
death anyhow because there's so many of them
they're diseased they also bring disease to people
is it like leprosy or something and then uh maybe
um oh shit there's something else it gives to
um anyhow um yeah they're nasty little bastards
uh but chubacabras i don't know man i kind of
think they're there Too many people have seen
him and swore by him. You, Rob? I, honestly,
from the evidence I have seen, I believe they
could exist. Just like I believe Bigfoot could
exist. Yeah. Yep. You know, there's nothing proved
they could. And, you know, there's... So many
eyewitnesses. What is all this weird stuff? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I agree, Rob. Wow. Yeah. There's
just too much evidence and too many people. I
mean, if it was just like a lore, it wouldn't
be that big and it wouldn't be that. People just
openly talking about it, right? You know, you
know, people that have seen them and they're
just they. They just talk about, oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, I saw one the other night. It's not like,
no, they're really there. They're just kind of
like, yeah, they're there, we know it. They're
not really interested in trying to convince anybody
or nothing like that. They just know they exist,
which is number one, makes me think that they're
not full of shit. So, Rob. This is one of those
conspiracy theories. Yeah, and which I admittedly
love, and I think you do too. That we love. Yeah.
Yeah, that we love. Yeah, I can't wait till Topher
and I get to, I know I'm switching subjects here.
I can't wait till Topher and I get around to
doing the real story. There's some stuff that
I want to cover. Yeah. And it could be stuff
like Kennedy's assassination. It's kind of like
a conspiracy theory, but to me, I like it better
because we're going to do some digging and we're
going to try to present to you what really happened.
You can believe it or not, but we're going to
give you a compelling case to a story that people
don't really know what quite happened. Like Marilyn
Monroe or something like that. Jane Mansfield.
Jane Mansfield, I believe she was decapitated,
right? Yeah. Okay, the fake. And the reason I
say fake is because the real Satan worshippers
kicked him out when they went over there to California.
Anton LaVey, the high priest Satanist or whatever
he was, he said that he was good friends with
Jane Mansfield. And her boyfriend, I believe,
or maybe husband, I'm not for sure, was real
jealous of them hanging out. And he said that
he was trying to do a spell on her boyfriend.
And he accidentally cut her head off. And that's
why that happened to her. He blamed himself by
accident that that's why she was decapitated.
So I really would like to know what really happened
to Jane Mansfield. Or, as L .A. Gunn says, what
happened to Jane. That's who they're talking
about. Did you know that? Right, right. Yeah.
Well, there's so many more. Those are just like
the easy ones. There's so many other things that
happened that you don't know. But Topher and
I are going to do a lot of investigating. Each
one of these shows are going to take a long time
to produce and figure out because we're not just
going to kind of do it. We're going to really
get into the subjects, and we're going to really
know what we're talking about, and we're going
to present to you what we think happened, piecing
it together, and I'm really excited about that.
I think that that is going to be a fantastic
show. Anyhow, Rob, go ahead if you've got something.
Yeah, I do, actually. I have a conspiracy theory.
Oh, and also, Rob, if you want to partake in
this, we can do it. Well, no. I have this one
in front of me. Okay. All right. Go ahead. Like
you said, it's deeper into the story. That's
what I like. Yeah. Have you ever wondered how
Mark Simpson holds it together? With the chaos
on that show? Yeah, that's true. I was always
thinking like barbiturates, you know, drugs.
Well, a lot of people wonder. Well, they're now
going into their 36th season. Oh, wow. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, their 36th season. They started in
1988 on the Tracy Ullman show, I believe. Go
ahead, I'm going to look it up. Well, The Simpsons
have never shot. Oh, Homer. that reveals how
she's been able to survive in Springfield for
so long. 1987. She literally... Go ahead, I'm
sorry. Go ahead. On Tracy Ullman. She literally
has been burying her feelings with a slate of
hate letters she's been writing for 35 years.
Oh! Okay. Okay, this Fenton season... 36, episode
14, is titled P .S. I Hate You. And has the rest
of Springfield celebrating Marge's birthday and
praising her as the nicest woman in town. When
longtime rival Ellen Lovejoy gets under her skin,
Marge heads into her room, furious, but emerges
happier than ever. Is the murder happier than
ever? Now that you said it, but I didn't before.
Yeah, it shows. Uh -huh. Well, let's explain
it. Okay. It's something Homer and the family
notes that she mysteriously does every time she
gets angry. But no one knows what she's actually
doing. Okay. It's then explained that Marge has
been secretly writing hate letters every time
she's gotten angry at somebody. I love that.
After seeing it as a tip in a magazine when she
was a kid, Marge has been successfully writing
these letters and keeping them a secret all this
time. It's not until this... The rest of the
town finds out how March actually feels about
them, but she apologizes and reveals that she
no longer will hold herself back anymore. It's
something the rest of the town ultimately respects.
Yeah, that's how she does it. She writes hate
letters. I thought it was drugs. That's cool.
I thought she had some sort of Jesus juice around
the corner, right? It's like, I'll be right back.
She comes back, hey, everything's cool. I don't
know, you know, barbiturate, something like that.
But, alright. Hate mail. Or hate letters. We
can hate mail. She writes hate letters. Do what?
I'm going to go ahead and say it the way she
comes out and smiles. I thought it was masturbation.
You know, it could be a part of it. But, you
know, it's PG. So she had to, like, leave that
out. I bet you that is a part of it. Yep. That's
how come every time you can hear a buzzing sound
from her bedroom. You know? Yeah, every time
you hear it. I thought it was electric toothbrush.
I guess not. Wow. All right. New wavy road lines
to curb speeding in Pennsylvania Township perplexes
residents. It felt like a roller coaster, someone
said. A Pennsylvania town painted curved road
lines down a residential street in a new traffic
calming initiative officers hope will rein in
reckless driving. but many residents were left
wondering if police would think they were driving
drunk if they followed the new pattern. Now,
this is their answer? To curb fast driving is
to paint wavy lines on the road? To me, that
sounds like an accident waiting to happen to
me. What do you think? Well, as long as you're
paying attention to the lines, you should be
good. Oh, you know what? Maybe it is. You know
what, Ron? As long as the person on the other
side is doing all right, your boat should be
fine. Okay. Well, that's where the problem is.
The other side. Just like that fucker that's
looking at Facebook and won't go on a green light.
Just like that bastard that's trying to grab
his coffee and almost swerves into you and kills
you. Yeah. Montgomery Township, just outside
Philadelphia, has new curvy lines. down Gray
Lane, complete with curb extensions. These traffic
calming measures are being installed due to the
numerous complaints and concerns we receive from
residents about the speedway in parentheses Gray
Lane has become, officials wrote in a statement
on Facebook. Despite the town's good intentions,
locals can't fathom their own community deciding
this would be a good solution. This is not the
design to go. There are other options out there,
and I think they should have gone that way, resident
Mike DiLorenzo told NBC News Philadelphia. I
think speed bumps would have gone a lot further
as far as slowing people down on this road in
particular, local William King told the outlet.
Many residents said that they are ignoring the
lines entirely and driving down the road like
they always have. Others joked that the crew
must have been drunk when they painted the lines.
Yeah, that's cool. One person wrote that they
drove down the road to test it out while following
the new lines, which felt like a roller coaster.
Many people have complained and they're even
taking up a petition to get these lines removed
and to have regular lines installed. And the
going thought is people just want speed bumps.
They don't want curvy, wavy lines. Actually,
after you said that, Rob, it may be a good idea.
I mean, you really have to pay attention. I don't
think so. You don't think it's a good idea? No,
I do not agree with the derby lines. Oh, okay.
I mean, with the speed bumps. I do not agree
with speed bumps. No, that's what I'm saying,
too. That does more damage to your front end
of your vehicle. Yeah. Yeah. And I agree. I think
the speed bumps aren't the answer either. And
actually, I really do like, I think the wavy
lines might be pretty cool, really. After I heard
you talk about it, Rob, I think I kind of changed
my opinion on the thing. At first, I thought
it was stupid. But now, I think, to me, I think
that I would find it like a game. Try to do as
good as you could, you know, performance driver
type of thing. Yeah. As long as everybody else
is too? What's the difference? That's the wild
card. It's like driving down the road going around
a curve. Yeah, true. Hopefully the other person
is paying attention. Okay. Rob, you got something?
I'm looking here. I need to try to come up with
one more. Okay. You got something to throw in
real quick? Yeah, yes I do. Let's see here. Okay,
I got a little something here. A local court
last week sent Mikolaj Babelsnatch to a 14 -day
judicial custody as he is set to appear again
in the court on April 17. The charges carry a
possible sentence of up to five years in prison
and a fine. Indian authorities said that they
have informed the U .S. Embassy about the case.
Visitors are banned from traveling within three
miles or five kilometers of this island, whose
population has been isolated from the rest of
the world for thousands of years. The inhabitants
use spears and bows and arrows to hunt the animals
that roam the small, heavily forested island.
Deeply suspicious of outsiders, they attack anyone
who lands on their beaches. A missionary who
landed illegally on the beach was killed by North
Sentinel Islanders who apparently shot him with
arrows and then buried his body on the beach
in 2006. The Sentinelese had killed two fishermen
who had accidentally landed on the shore. These
guys don't fuck around. I'm thinking I wouldn't
be within 30 miles of that island, Rob. What
do you think? I don't think so. No, but anyhow,
I skipped some of the article because here's
what happened. The guy landed on the island.
He is a social influencer. They had a different
way of saying it, but this is the gist of it.
He is a social influencer, and he wanted to capture
pictures and videos of this tribe that's on there.
It's against the law because this island is somewhere
off the coast of India, and it's against the
law for you to do that. So he lived through that.
They didn't catch him and kill him like everyone
else, but now he's probably going to go to prison.
So I think that he got the best part of that,
don't you? Going to prison instead of being...
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah. But that island,
they want it preserved because these people don't
want to be disturbed, obviously. And it's their
land, it's their island, and they're observing
it. They're like, hey, leave them alone. If you
go there and you die, that's your own stupidity.
You know what's going to happen if they catch
you. So, hey, Rob, you got whatever you're looking
for? Yeah, yeah, I came up with one. Okay. Michael
Dietz was not shy about his alleged actions when
Ohio cops asked him about the vandalism at the
home of a woman with whom he was involved in
a car crash over a year ago. Huh. I fucking spray
-painted an asshole on her house, Dietz told
Westlake cops. according to body camera video
viewed by Law and Crime. Why ask the cop? Because
she's an asshole, he retorted. The bitch is lucky
I didn't go over with a .357 and start shooting
the place up, he proclaimed. Now D -64 is facing
charges of vandalism and aggravated menacing.
Okay. Okay. It was misspelled, police said. After
Nietzsche allegedly admitted to being the perpetrator,
he told the cops he was not happy with how the
crash was handled, and he intended to see the
victim. He said he was still suffering from back
pain. From how long ago? Okay, okay, okay. Yeah.
And he misspelled asshole. I would love to see
how he spelled that. I mean, I don't know how
you can misspell that, honestly. I would, too.
You know what? Truth is always stranger than
fiction, isn't it? I see this happening. Yeah,
me too. Alright, it is 9 .23. You want to put
a bow on this bitch and call it good, or you
want to keep going? Yeah, actually, I've got
a long day. Alrighty. Thank you for joining us,
Rob. Like always, you brought it again. You brought
some cool shit to the plate. I appreciate it.
Good stories, good solid stories are always good.
So, anyhow, thank you guys for listening. Good
night, assholes. Good night, assholes. Oh, no.
Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not, assholes. They'll be back invading your
ear holes soon.