Well, since the sports show can't be called two
douchebags and a microphone, maybe we could just
call them the sports bastards. Four out of five
people surveyed said that two douchebags and
a microphone podcast are more entertaining than
a gum infection. The fifth one called the cops
and we had to leave. Your mama's so fat, Dracula,
bitter neck. and got diabetes. Hello, this is
the Sports Bastards. Yes, we are. Yeah, and we
are here doing bastard stuff like always. Yep.
We've got a little wobble here in the table and
we'll deal with that. Yeah, we always do in this
table, but this is the table of coolness. This
is a table that people bother to come up and
talk to us. Other than that, they hate us. Anyhow,
you had a really, really good thing that I want
to expand on. Okay. Okay. About the Cincinnati
Bengals. Yeah. Going to Chicago. Yeah, you and
I have been hearing things about the Bengals
going to, maybe, Louisville and talking about,
well, maybe we'll get a new stadium and stay
in town. But another article came up, and this
makes total and utter sense. Cincinnati Bengals
moved to Chicago. That way Chicago has two teams,
an AFC and an NFC, and they can get their big
$3 .2 billion stadium they want, because now
they'll have two teams and every single week
there'll be a game there. Yes. That will make
the stadium pay for itself really quickly. Chicago
is the third largest market in America. It is.
They can handle two teams. Yes. Absolutely handle
two teams. Yeah. So that makes sense to me. It's
the Chicago Bengals and They don't necessarily
play each other the way the Giants and the Jets
don't always play each other. The way the Rams
and the Chargers don't always play each other.
I mean, you can share a city and not be in the
same division. The Jets and the Giants, well,
yeah. It makes utter sense. It does. I even think
that probably some fans would follow them there
from Cincinnati, too. I think so, too. It's really
not... That big of a distance. I mean it's It's
probably about the same distance as like st.
Louis to Chicago. Yeah, Cincinnati, Chicago Yes,
so you can keep your fan base because you're
not going too far away people could make the
trek to Chicago for games from the Cinti area
I think it's a great idea Well, I mean we'll
see what happens because I mean it just seems
to me like Cincinnati's having problem after
problem Like they have yeah, and I think Cincinnati
is also one of those towns that has way more
things They need to spend that money on than
a stadium. Yeah. Yes Luckily here in Kansas City.
We have this place called Johnson County Yes,
it has plenty of capital. Yes could help us through
this I think Arrowhead is probably going to stay
in, Missouri Because, I mean, they're gonna find
a way to get that done. Probably so, yeah. And
then the Royals are gonna stay in Missouri because
they want to get that done. But I think the Chiefs
are bound for Kansas because of the capital that
they could spend on a brand new stadium. And
I'm perfectly fine with that. Me too. It's across
the state line. Don't care. Don't care. But the
only people that would really have an issue are
the Jackson County residents who get first crack
at the tickets. Yes. That'll go away. Oh well.
Yeah, you know what? Sometimes things like that
are, that's the way it goes. For years you got
first crack, now you don't. So, well, if it does
move. Yeah, but I would say everybody drive around
and load just the quality of the roads and how
much damage it's doing to your car. Well, as
today. I would rather have the roads fixed. than
a nice stadium for the Chiefs. I really would.
Maybe we could get a little bit more crime prevention
too. Imagine that. Yeah, imagine that. Public
schools, I give up on. They're fucked. Plus the
public school system was, from the beginning,
was designed to be bad for us. Yeah. So if it
goes away, good. Yeah, that's kind of the way
I feel about it too. It's a failed experiment.
Move on. But as far as the... The stadium in
Kansas versus Missouri versus fixing the roads
versus schools versus what? It's whatever is
going to make the city or the county or the state
the most money in the short term not the long
term the short term Well, they have both teams
right now. What's done with the money? It's not
the roads. It's going to a lot of people's pockets.
Yes. You know, they're doing what they do in
Washington, which is you elect one person and
then their spouse is the one who rakes in all
the money, gets all the grants, heads up the
NGO and gets a $700 ,000 salary, that kind of
shit. It's the spouse of the person you elected
that's robbing us blind. Yes. Yeah, and this
is like a known thing. It's gonna be interesting
if they do start investigating some of these
congressmen that suddenly became multi -millionaires
on a $400 ,000 salary. And suddenly their spouse
became a multi -millionaire because that's more
difficult to trace. Anyway, so whatever we're
gonna spend on a stadium, you gotta figure 30
% is gonna get siphoned off. as graft, payoffs,
bribes, corruption, whatever. All that good shit
that happens. Yeah. I'd rather you spend that
money on the roads. You know, we're going to
have to do the same payoffs and same graft and
corruption, but at least we'll get decent roads
out of it. Yes. Instead of a football game that
a lot of people can't afford to go see live,
and a lot of people just really don't want to
gamble on. Yes. But most people would like to
have decent roads to drive on. Yes. My oldest
brother moved to Houston in the 80s and he said,
oh my god, these are the worst roads I've ever
seen in my life. And it's not because the climate
was so bad, it's just they didn't bother to fix
them. And there were so many heavy trucks and
machinery driving around on those roads because
of the oil industry and the shipping port of
Galveston, et cetera, et cetera. He said within
a year, he had done three front end alignments
and replaced a cracked wheel. because it's just
horrible, horrible roads. And that's what we're
turning into. And I tell you, tourism will not
put up with crap roads here. People will come
once and say, oh, no, no, no, I'm not going there
again. So it does make a difference. We do need
to fix the roads for a lot of reasons. On the
douchebags, the last weeks, I covered the vote
coming up today because I hear all of these people.
that think that it's in the bag. They're going
to get this sales tax. Not from what I'm hearing.
No, I'm not voting for it. No, me neither. Fuck
them. To me, they have enough money. You better
figure out how to spend it wisely. Do that or
get out of my face. You're not getting any more
until you can prove you can do something with
it. Yeah, that's the thing is... They haven't
shown they can be responsible and they've shown
that there is a lot of waste and corruption and
they do nothing about it And even if they did
I wouldn't believe them anyway I put it like
this on the podcast you give a kid $30 and you
go go to the store and buy yourself one ice cream
cone And that's it and they come back with 50
and the money's gone. Mm -hmm. That's what's
happening Yeah, you're like, hey, we got all
this money. Well, you know, how about us? You
know, we could do this, or this, or this, and
it's not going, a lot of it's not even going
to what they said it was anyhow, you know? I
mean, I'd love to know where the lottery money's
going. Oh, the school system, we're gonna be
paved with gold. Fucking nothing. Yeah, I didn't
believe that. I laughed at the people who did
believe it. I remember a TV show where a kid
was given, I think, 50 bucks, and said, go out
and buy the Christmas tree, and you can keep
the change, but I want a nice tree. So what did
he do? He pocketed the 50 and went out and stole
a Christmas tree. Now that's pretty much, yeah.
That's what people do. You give them a bunch
of money and say do the right thing, they're
like, fuck you. Oh, okay, sure. I'm on it, buddy.
I'm on it. So. Hold my beer. Yeah. Don't hold
your breath, buddy. So, okay. I think Chicago
would do very well with the Bengals. Yeah. And
also, it would be such a competition with the
bears. The bears would have to step it up even
more because, you know, people would be looking
at them going, oh, the mangals are always in
it. You're not. And also, I think it would satisfy
people like Burrow and, oh, shit, the Higgins,
Chase, and Henderson, and all those guys. Yeah,
yeah. the people of Chicago would get a game
every week. Yes. Every single week, there'd be
a game. And then that viewership would be out
of this world, so that's more revenue. And you're
going to have a ton of fans that like both Bears
and the Bengals, because they're both Chicago
teams, and they're going to buy season tickets
for both, and they're going to be there every
stinkin' week. Yeah. And then in about five years,
you could have the Cincinnati Mudcats or something.
I don't know. Yeah. How about the Cincinnati
cheapskates? There we go. There you go. I would
be curious for somebody who lives in the Cincinnati
area to write in and let me know. Cincinnati
has, from the 80s, from what I've been hearing,
has a reputation of being a town with a lot of
racial unrest. Which is why a number of NFL players
shy away from Cincinnati, because it's an okay
place to play, but boy how do you don't want
to live there unless you're white. I'd really
like to know if that's still the case. I don't
know. I've heard that, but I have nothing to
back it up, so I don't know. The Columbia area
of Missouri, where MU is, had the same reputation,
and I think it still does. Pretty much, yes.
Yeah, I think that's a fairly racially unfriendly
area. because it's a small college town in the
middle of the state. I think Cincinnati may have
overcome that to some degree. I'd love for somebody
to let us know. But remember in the 80s, Cincinnati
was like, oh yeah, if you're a white player,
that means that's a fun place to go play. But
if you're black, plan on living in Louisville.
Yeah. I don't expect anyone from Cincinnati listens
to us now how much fun we made of little Joey
Bird and all that. Yeah. That was unfortunate.
We really piled on to Joe Burrow. I've actually
got a lot more respect for Joe Burrow than I
used to and that I ever let on. It was just a
fun thing to do. Sorry, Cincinnati. I actually
like the town of Cincinnati a lot. I've been
through it a number of times. It's a nice town.
Yeah. Right on the... Ohio. Well, here. Skip.
Little skipper. Little skippered. Okay. He doesn't
do... Joey burrow any favors because everybody
hates skip. He's a little fucking bitch a little
sniveling bitch. Oh, that's right He dumped the
Cowboys and now he's latched onto the Bengals
is his new Yeah, especially Joe burrow. Yeah,
and the thing is is that doesn't do you any favors
when little skipped hard? Yeah, people like oh
fuck that. I don't like the guy then if that's
if that little fucking skip nerd No. Yeah, it's
like the dropkick Murphys when, you know, Nazis
started showing up to their concert. It's like,
okay, we want to play music, but we don't want
you guys to like us. Skip Bayless is one of those
guys that will damage your reputation because
he likes you. Yeah. It's so gross. Look what
he done to the Cowboys. Yeah. He destroyed their
organization. You know, would you like to be...
the subject of fandom from people like Jared
Vogel and Jeffrey Dahmer and the BTK. Do you
want those people to think you're a cool guy
or do you want them to leave you alone? Yeah,
I would rather those guys hate me. Yeah, the
same with Skip Bayless. Yeah, so, okay, so Cincinnati,
I mean, you know, nothing against you, but I
think they'd be better off in Chicago as well.
I do too. And it might just be a rumor, who knows,
but that's something that's going around. I think
that's the only way that the Cincinnati Bengals'
ownership is ever going to have a decent stadium
again is if they're sharing one with somebody
who's going to put up half the money. Yeah. That's
their best chance of ever having a decent competitive
stadium. You know, for being such a sports town,
It doesn't seem like the local government supports
their teams at all. No. They still have the Reds,
Cincinnati Reds. Yeah, and you never hear about
them. No. You know? I mean, back in the day they
were respected. Pete Rose and, oh, I forgot the
pitcher they had that was out of this world.
Yeah, I remember hearing about the Reds a lot
in the 70s and 80s. No, Johnny Bench was a Red
Sox winning, not a Red Sox. Gosh, I can't remember.
I can't remember either, but that's baseball.
Yeah, what's baseball? I forgot It's that sport
that won't change. Yeah It's stuck in the mud.
Yes Yeah, they can't get up to change the channel.
They're just right there going. Oh, we're just
gonna keep everything the same Don't be fucking
with it. Uh -huh. I hate this new fangled game.
That ain't the way we played it 55 years ago
It's the kind of guys that hate having an electric
starter in the car, they think you should still
be hand cranking it to start it. Yes, yeah, in
electric windows. Oh, back in my day, you didn't
mind rolling down the window. Damn kids are soft.
You're soft. You can't roll down the fucking
window. What can you do? Can you wipe your ass,
boy? What the hell can you do? You can tell I
grew up around fucking old fucking hicks. Don't
let me come over to that newfangled rock and
roll shit. That fucking stuff. That's the devil.
That's the fucking devil. What the hell is this
car with no clutches? But it's a devil too. A
car that shifts its own gears. Damn, that ain't
natural. You stay away from that, boy. I'm telling
you right now, that's nothing but trouble. Oh
yeah, and in the 80s I remember hearing a radio
station saying... about all the people holding
baseball back because of the traditional rules
and the records and all that. It's like... The
purists. Yeah, it's like, okay, you can do that,
but you're not getting new fans. You're not getting
more excitement. The sward is gonna start dying
off. If it stays the way that the older, older
fans like, then it's dead. It really is. The
purists is probably 110. Yeah. So... There's
no 17 -year -old purist out there. What are you
selling to a 110 -year -old? They don't spend
their money anyway. No, that's right. They're
like to going, well, I guess not today every
time they wake up. I guess not today. OK, all
right. Well, I guess I'll just go in the living
room and do nothing. Where's my drool cup? Oh,
good. General hosp metal's on. Oh, wait. No,
that was canceled 50 years ago. They're still
talking about Luke and Laura, if I remember that
correctly. Oh yeah! Yeah, Luke and Laura. The
wedding of Luke and Laura about 1981, 82. Yeah,
yeah, they're still talking about that. It was
the Reagan years. Yeah, boy, that wedding was
something else. I remember that. Oh boy, they
threw out everything, but the kids just sank.
And you know, if we looked at it now, we'd realize
what a cheap, awful production it was. I know!
At the time, it seemed pretty cool, but looking
back now, we're like, oh my god, this is what
we got excited about? It's like a... They try
to do a dramatic scene like a burglar and the
lady walks in. Oh, no, a burglar is here to kill
me. Yep. That's right. I am going to kill you.
Yeah, it's like the world's worst high school
play where they all stand in awkward positions
and face the camera and just shout out these
rehearsed lines. I got one. I'm going to spoil.
No, no, no, I did. OK, hang on. I did it on the
last douchebags. But have you seen the previews
to the naked gun movie? No, I haven't. Oh my
god. It looks good. It doesn't look like they're
trying to teach you a lesson or make a statement.
There's a new naked gun? That's just for entertainment
and doesn't have a social message to hammer into
your head? Here's the funniest thing, man. They
show all these funny scenes, but the one that
really stuck at the very end is you have all
these detectives walking by and kissing Leslie
Nilsson's oil painting on the wall and going...
Hi, Daddy. Hi, Daddy. Hi, Daddy. And then the
African -American detective, he walks up to O
.J. Simpson's painting and he looks at the camera
and he goes, never mind. And he walks on out.
That's right. That is awesome because people
forget O .J. was a big part of those original
police squad movies. Oh, he was so good. He was.
That's what I was talking about. He could have
been such a good actor. I mean, the comedy he
did... was fucking hilarious, and it was because
of his facial expressions and stuff. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he did good. He was in a really awful,
awful football show called First and Ten that
was an HBO production that I think moved to NBC.
Yeah. It was Shannon Tweed and O .J. and most
other people you'd never heard of before and
never would again. Yeah. The show was truly horrible.
I mean, it's so bad, it's funny. Yeah. I got
I remember that, oh. I think I got all the episodes,
there's like 70 or 80 episodes on DVD for two
bucks, brand new, because that's how bad they
were trying to get rid of that. They paid you
two bucks. Pretty much, yeah. But he was good
in that show. I mean, he was funny, he was engaging,
you know, it's not like he was ever going to
win an Oscar, but he was alright. He was better
than Shannon Tweed by a long shot. imagine jenny
simmons fat ass sweating on top of her yeah yeah
yeah yeah anyhow all right um okay next one that
we were talking about in the car playoff seating
yes i like this one a lot yeah this is i was
hearing this this morning uh roger gadell wants
to change the way the playoffs are seated playoffs
yeah uh his in his stated goal is he doesn't
want any game at the end of the season to be
meaningless. Like the Chiefs Denver game where
they didn't play the starters and nobody cared
and nobody watched and nobody bet on it. That's
what he's trying to avoid. He wants to keep things
in flux right up until the last game of the last
week. And part of the way he's gonna do that,
one, is he was talking about eliminating divisions.
So no AFC West, East, North, South, what, we're
just all AFC. I like that. Every game is a division
game. Think about that. So you could still keep
key rivalries and play them two games a year
if you wanted to. But at the end of the season,
there's no division to win, so nobody's automatically
in because of that. It's strictly by your record.
The top seven records get in. And then after
the first wild card round, you re -seed that.
Like that so if if a player I mean if a team
with Well, I'm not sure how that would work out
I guess it would be the same as You take the
top three the top three. Yeah, or no you take
the top one seed and let them sit out Yeah, but
what are you talking about not having? Not having
a bye week. Yeah, like everybody plays. Well,
they were still talking about a 17 pool to start
with and that you'd have one team left over,
so they have to have a bye week. Yeah, they would.
That's right. And then you'd have the extra.
Well, they're adding another game. We know this.
Yeah. So that might be in the play, too. And
they're not going to do it this season. It might
be two or three seasons down the road when they
have an 18 -game season. Yeah. And then what
he's talking about is getting rid of the bye
week, then everybody plays. But you see, I understand
what he's saying, like the Chiefs played Denver.
Nobody watched because it didn't matter. It didn't
matter at all. No. You didn't go out there to
watch, oh shit, Carson Wentz throw to Sky Moore,
you know? Yeah, people are like, no that's okay,
I got some stuff I gotta do, it's fine. And then
at four o 'clock comes the one, you know, the
real game. The real game, yeah. Yeah, Green Bay
against Philly or something, and Battleford,
you know, or who were they? Minnesota or something,
you know. I think the radio guys had a little
confused because if you have no divisions and
it's just the top seven teams getting in, then
you don't need to recede. Yeah, that's right.
But if you keep the divisions and have the playoffs
the way they are now, then after wild card weekend,
you recede and it doesn't matter if you won your
division or not, if you have a better record,
you're hosting the game. Radio guys, they have
to fill a lot of time. Yeah. So they have to
keep talking. I know a lot of people are like,
oh they're stupid. You ever try to talk just
constantly and be entertaining? Leaving no dead
air anywhere? Yeah, you come up with stuff that
doesn't make sense. I always realize that unless
it's heavily scripted. There's some shows like
Rush Limbaugh, I understand was heavily scripted.
Almost everything he said, if it's true what
I heard, is scripted. So, or was scripted, not
anymore. Let's see, I think Stern was heavily
scripted too. So yeah, he wasn't the one coming
up with that stuff. Somebody else was coming
up with it. So, okay. But another thing that
the radio show talked about is if you leave the
divisions in, then you re -seed after the first
round because... They had one proposal, it's
like, okay, win the division, you get a home
game the first round, but then you're reseated
the second round, and you may not have another
home game. Another was saying, winning division
just gets you in the playoff, and that's it.
I mean, if you win your division, you're in the
playoffs. So there's four guaranteed, and then
the other three are picked by season record.
But then, even if you won your division, you're
on the road because another team's got a better
record. So winning division doesn't guarantee
you a home game, just a playoff game. I like
that idea better. Okay, I got a counterpoint
on this I just thought of. Eli Manning would
not be looking at the Hall of Fame if that was
the case. They were a sub -par team that there
were more teams better than them record -wise
in other divisions, but they got in because their
division sucked. Yeah, that's one thing to mention.
And they won the Super Bowl. Yeah, they want
to try to eliminate that as teams getting that
big leg up just because their divisions suck.
You see, I like this proposal, but I also like
the element of the dark horse. People going,
I don't know. You watch the last three Giants
games, they seem to have it really under control.
If they can get that division, they might make
some damage. And everyone's like, oh, no, no,
no, they suck. And then what do you do? And then
it's like, they're going to beat the Patriots.
This is going to be one of the worst slop -sided
Super Bowls ever. Yeah. So, but I like this idea
a lot. I think it's got, I think it's got legs.
Yeah, it's definitely fixes some problems. Yes.
A lot of people were complaining last year that
Minnesota was 14 and 3 and they were a five seed
and had to play on the road. That did suck. That
did suck, but they had Sam Darnold, so who cares?
Yeah. I mean, they weren't going anywhere anyhow.
We know this. Yeah. But I think that what sticks
in people's throat is A team like Minnesota would
have won the division, except Detroit was having
an awesome year too. Yes. But they're penalized
and don't get a home game because some other
team had a crap record from a crap division,
probably the NFC South. And having a 9 -8 record,
and just because the other members of your division
were crappier than you, shouldn't guarantee you
a home playoff game. Be better than that to earn
your home. And that's why I am in favor of this,
but I don't think it's going to quite be like
that. It's going to be some variation of what
we're talking about. So yeah, I mean, I like
the idea overall, but then again, I also like
the idea of the New York Giants coming in there
kicking everybody's ass because they gelled in
time. Yeah, and that brings up a point I made
earlier in the season is expand to 18 games.
and divide the season into two nine game halves.
And winning the first half means something when
it comes to the end of the season. Winning the
second half means more because you've played
more games. So win the first half, you get like
three points towards the playoff. Win the second
half of the season, you get five points. And
then those eight points help you beat other teams
out of the playoffs because... You got it together
for the first half of the season. You got together
even more for the second half of the season.
That should count more than a team that started
out great and is fading towards the end. You
do that in tandem with the new rule changes and
I'm all for it. I like that a lot. And think
of all the gambling possibilities that are opened
up because of that. You see a team starting to
do good like the Bengals. If you had taken the
second half of the season they would have been
in the playoffs. Now keep in mind the NFL is
going to do things to make it better for them
and for the people who are taking your bet. Yes.
For you the gambler, they're going to give you
more opportunities, but they're not going to
make it easier for you to win. Yeah. They're
going to make it easier for the bookies and the
sports books to figure things out and offer you
more bets. That's all they care about is that
right there, making it easier for the bookies.
They know you're going to watch and you're going
to bet, so they don't need to do anything about
that. They're not paying attention to that. Everything
we just said. is why they're probably going to
do these rule changes. And they want to draw
in more gamblers. That people who are gambling
but not necessarily on football and people who
watch football but aren't necessarily gambling.
Those are the markets they want to expand on.
You can call 1 -88 -BETS -OFF -2 if you know
this one. Just saying, just saying. Yeah, how
many people call that? They're sitting there,
there's 10 people to call center looking at that
one phone. Has it ever rung? Nah. I think there
was a wrong number. Oh hey, hey, hey, it's ringing.
This is not Pizza Hut. Forget it. Forget it.
So, anyhow. Okay. The rule that I proposed on
overtime. I like a sudden death overtime. I do
too. And this is how I think I would love it.
Each team gets hell marries until one of them
works. You put the quarterback on the opposing
40 yard line and you put everybody 10, 20 yard
line, 10 yard line, goal line. deep in the end
zone. You put them up wherever, whatever formation
you think you're going to do, whether it's 20
and you have the blocking behind them. So it's
just like a pass or it really is a Hail Mary.
First team to do that wins or an interception
gets one point and it defaults to the other team.
They get that extra point and it's like, let's
say it's 32 -32. Let's see, Sam Darnold. Throws
a Hail Mary, lands right into one of the Packers
hands. Oh, he's not at Minnesota anymore, he's
with Seattle. That's right. Seattle goes home.
Yep. Yeah. Would you have the players line up
on the line and run downfield or just be downfield
in advance? I think being downfield in advance
would be better. Yeah, because you're going to
wear them out really fast. Yeah, yeah. They're
running down the field every time. Yeah, and
also they have to throw more. They have to make
it accurate and pinpoint that far away. And that
also prevents the quarterback from dumping off
something underneath. Bingo, yes. And then doing
that hook and ladder and 9 ,000 ladder rolls.
Or you can line them all on the three yard line
and back. Yeah. If you really want it to be a
true Hail Mary, then it may be three -yard line
and back. And also such a clusterfuck of all
bodies in there. And also I think they all need
to wear a gray uniform. That would be great.
That would be awesome. Yep. And you know, of
course, replay would have to get heavily involved
to make sure who caught it and how it happens.
We think what happened is Mahomes thought that
was Kelsey. a tall white guy that's on a Denver's
team. Yeah, and he was singing a Taylor Swift
song, so he thought it was Kelsey. Yeah, so he
threw to him. So they're not going to do that,
the same, but I mean, I love the Hail Mary thing
and I thought about it actually last night. I'm
like, that's what I would love to see done. And
how different is that from like soccer where
they have the penalty kick over and over and
over and over until somebody wins? That's where
the idea came from. Or college football where
they line you up, you know. at the 25 and everyone
tries to score a touchdown. You go back and forth
until somebody can't score. I mean, it's being
done in sports already. This is the truest form
of southern death. Yeah. Sudden death, not southern
death. Sudden death. That's the truest form.
How more, how truer can you get than luck or
skill? And everybody loves the deep ball. I mean,
the long pass. It'd be so exciting. Can you imagine
Mahomes or Burrow throwing that deep one? It
lands right in somebody, or Josh Allen lands
right into one of the receiver's hands. Beautiful.
And they're like, nobody had a chance. They designed
this play, and they've done it perfectly just
for this time. And that would encourage teams
to have. the kind of receivers who can go up
and make those spectacular catches, and the kind
of quarterback that can throw it that far. Yeah,
like a Jamar Chase or somebody, a tall guy, you
know. So a team like the Ravens that had Trent
Dilfer, who was so mediocre, if they got into
an overtime game, they'd be sunk, because he
can't heave the ball downfield like that. No.
No, their defense won that Super Bowl for them,
but he has a ring. And I have to give him credit.
He did not fuck it up. He didn't fuck it up.
He knew better. He's like, just do enough. This
is, this lines perfectly with what the league
wants is more offense, more scoring, more exciting
plays. I don't see a problem with this. I don't,
I don't see what the objections would be. I like
it. Yeah. We got to do something about that onside
kick though. That is just stupid. I mean, they,
they turned it into something worse than what
we had. I mean, what we had was, you know, you
can fake an onside kick, you can do one at the
last second, you can surprise someone by doing
it first game, first play of the game, blah,
blah. And, you know, it had a small chance of
succeeding. But the way they've got it now, it
has almost a zero chance of succeeding. Yeah.
I mean, I don't even bother to watch the onside
kicks anymore, because they're stupid. They're
meaningless. They don't do it. Yeah. It's just
dumb. I watched a UFL game last night and their
substitute for the onside kick is you score and
you want the ball back, instead of an onside
kick, you're on your own 25 and it's fourth and
15. And you got one shot to gain at least 15
yards and start your drive. If you don't, the
other team's in field goal range already. I love
that because it's a do or die make at home. There's
so much on the line. And, you know, you might
luck out and get a defensive penalty and that
gives you first down and then your driver continues.
But, you know, it's can you make this? You got
one play, you got to make at least 15 yards and
the other team knows it. So can you do that to
keep your start this next drive or do you turn
it over and the other team can probably score
and that's it for you? I haven't thought about
this on safeties. Okay, you can run if you get
to the 20 yard line from a safety. You get a
touchdown or maybe four or five points, whatever
they figure on. But if you don't make it, no
points. So if it's the end of the game, okay,
and it's a last -ditch effort pass, it ends up
in a safety, okay? And then the guy that gets
the ball, if he can run it, you know what? No,
that wouldn't work. No, safety is where you tackle
them in the end zone. Yeah, he couldn't do it
on it, yeah. I was thinking about it differently,
but forget it. It would not work. Not like the
way I want it. Yeah. Or you could do something
like he has to make it out for it to be two points.
Yeah. Let's say they're two points down and they
want to tie the game for overtime. He's got to
make it to the 10 yard line instead of just getting
the ball or something. Yeah. Another thing they
did in the UFL game is you score a touchdown,
you get six points, and then you can go for one,
two, or three points. And each time you're a
little farther back. So there's a team, yes,
the game I watched, they were down 18 to nothing.
They scored a touchdown, went for three, and
now they cut the other team's lead in half. So
an 18 point lead is still just two possessions.
Yeah, I love that. That's pretty cool. See, if
they had failed on going for three, then they'd
be even farther in the hole. So that makes it
even more risky play. Makes it more fun to gamble
on, doesn't it? Yeah. Okay, everybody stay tuned.
I'm working on a safety because I think a safety
is great, but it's rather boring. Yeah. I like
the fact that you give up the safety, you also
have to kick the ball away. I know, yeah. You
have to give the ball back to them. Yeah. But
there is something more we can do with that.
I'd like to see safeties happen more often. No,
me too. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. People
will try to tackle that guy in the end zone instead
of like, let's say, it's fourth and three. You
can get a safety. But he's not going to make
a completion because you're right there. So that's
good enough. It's like, all right, there's like
30 seconds left. Make it interesting. Right now,
the safety rules are you get a safety if an offensive
player commits a penalty while he's fully in
the end zone. Yeah. Well, that's one way. Yeah.
And then you also get a safety if you tackle
the ball carrier. but he has to be completely
in the end zone before you even make contact
with him. If he has his nose hair out. It's not
a safety. I would like to change that. I would
too. Is that it's a safety if when you tackle
him, the ball winds up over the goal line in
the end zone. So everything of the guy could
be outside, but he gets tackled and the ball
is halfway into the end zone. That's a safety.
How about they back the ball to the end zone?
He goes for a pass, a quarterback goes for a
pass, it gets batted down in the end zone, if
it touches the end zone, that's a safety. Oh
yeah, yeah, because right now that's just an
incomplete pass, and if you batted it down and
it hits the end zone, that's a safety. If you
batted it down and it goes out the back of the
end zone without touching the ground, touchdown.
Ooh, yeah. That would make playing near your
own goal line way more difficult. Yeah, I like
that a lot. I like that idea. I understand the
league wanting a lot more offensive plays, but
exciting defensive plays are good too. Don't
overlook those. They are. Having Chris Jones
jump up and swat a football out of the back of
the end zone and that winds up counting as a
touchdown, that's a great little change. Excellent.
You have them really trying for it too. Yeah.
Chris Jones just knocking the shit out of the
ball trying to get it out there. I would like
to see another rule change. I think this would
be popular. I would say the punching the ball
out. I'm getting a little tired of that. Me too.
Because I'd rather see them tackle than just
run up and start throwing haymakers. There's
more times that they miss a tackle and they get
a first down because somebody's trying to knock
the ball out of their hands. I'd love to see
just tackles. I would like to see a change in
the rule. This goes back to when the forward
pass was first being introduced into the league.
If you completed the forward pass, you're fine.
If you threw an incompletion, that was actually
a penalty along the lines of delay of game. So
I would like to see if a defensive player runs
up and tries to punch the ball out and succeeds,
no problem. If he doesn't, it's... Unsportsmanlike
conduct personal foul whatever 15 yard Wow You
don't throw that punch on the ball unless you're
damn sure you're gonna punch it out Otherwise,
you just gave the other team 15 yards. I love
that that makes it way more Precise away more
risky. Yeah, and then you're gonna have coaches
going don't do it unless you're sure you got
a shot at it Yep, so you're gonna have tackles
Yep, yeah people will learn to tackle more if
I was a coach I'd say don't worry about knocking
that ball out stop them stop them. Yeah, so is
it started out as You would you would stand the
offensive player up you'd stop his forward momentum
And as you're tackling a teammate would run in
and try to punch the ball. Yes now It's just
you're running beside of me just throwing punches
Yeah, okay, if that's the way you want it But
I would rather have it is if you don't succeed
and punch the ball out then you're penalized
for trying it I got one for you. Once the guy's
down and he punches the ball out should that
be a special penalty? Because it's like we have
you down the place over time. Yeah You just wasted
time. His knees were down and you punched the
ball out trying to get it. Yeah, I do see that.
They're down the plays over and they're still,
you know, trying to smack the ball out of his
hands. That should be, at the very least, delay
of game. Yeah, I like delay of game. And maybe
a smaller unsportsmanlike conduct. Yeah, like
maybe a 10 yard or 5 yard or something. And no
automatic first down. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, because
that would also make tacklers... more aware of
what's going on instead of just blindly trying
to punch the ball out because that's a big waste
of time. Yeah. You know, I'm more in favor of
rules that favor discipline and making the right
choice rather than just running out there and
flailing around and hoping it works out. I don't
want that rewarded because that's the lazy cheap
ass way to do stuff. Yeah. And a multi -billion
dollar sport like NFL football should be better
than that. I think so, I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Good
point. Wantin' ain't gettin'. Nah. Look, the
league's gonna do what it's gonna do and anything
we said except for the first part probably won't
happen. And really the only way to make a realistic
change is for the fans to just lose interest
if the NFL isn't doing it the way they want to.
I agree. And you can't make people do that. You
can't lobby people into it. It just has to happen.
No, I agree. It's like who talks about horse
racing anymore? I mean, how many times do you
hear people at work talking about boxing? Even
Churchill Downs. You don't hear very much about
it at all. Boxing, same thing. They've just gotten
to the point where they really don't care anymore.
Who is the WBC world champion right now? I have
no idea. Me neither. Because it just doesn't
matter to me. 1992, we would have known. Yeah.
1987, we would have known. In the 80s, horse
racing, you know, the Triple Crown, you have
what, the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness and
the whatever the last one is. It was a big deal.
People talked about it. It made the newspaper.
They talked about it on the evening news. Now
it's just, you know, oh yeah, this horse race
happened and look at all the cool hats the ladies
were wearing. Oh, and by the way, this horse
won. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's kind of how it
goes. By the way, mint julep overrated. No, God.
I've been to Louisville. Oh, and the hot brown
overrated. I've been to Louisville, and I thought
the hot brown was disgusting, and I thought the
mint julep was worse. Yeah. Hot brown was throw
up on a plate. See, it's all these things that
you're told you're supposed to like, so people
are afraid to admit, you know, this is really
crap, but I gotta pretend I like it, because
I think everybody else like it. It's like the
band U2. Everyone hated him. They just thought
that everyone else liked him, so they wanted
to fit in. And it turns out we all hated him
anyway. We went to the restaurant that was supposed
to be where the hot brown was invented, okay?
And I heard people over in the corner, oh my
God, this is so good. And I'm like, okay, all
right. I taste it, and I'm like... Those guys
are foolish. No, they just said that because
they thought that's what they're supposed to
do. They want to be seen liking it. They want
to be part of that group. The U2 effect. Let
me join your herd of sheep. I promise I'll pretend
to like it too. Oh, it's so good. It's like,
okay, well, then order it again. No, I think
I'm going to try something else. I thought it
was that good. You'd order it all the time. The
one thing that does live up to its reputation
is a Nashville hot chicken. Oh, yeah. Hattie
Bees is fantastic. You're supposed to be able
to get the original original. Hattie Bees is
the original nowadays. It's close enough. But
the Brown Hotel in Nashville once a month in
the morning have the original recipe, whatever
that be. It might be soaking it longer in buttermilk
or something. I don't know. But whatever the
recipe, the original one is, they're supposed
to have. the duplicate of the very first one
ever made or whatever. Nice. So anyhow. You know,
I've been trying to stay away from chicken and
other things that are soaked in milk or buttermilk
because I have a dairy intolerance. Oh yeah,
I bet that gets you done it. Yeah, it's like
having really bad food poisoning. Yeah, because
it's not an allergy, it's just I can't digest
it properly, so it's like getting food poisoning.
Well, that's how come I've never suggested you
Dave's Hot Chicken. Yeah. That shit is fantastic,
but it's soaked in buttermilk. But the other
day, without knowing it, I had chicken that had
been soaked in milk, and I didn't have a problem
with it. I didn't react. Maybe they can fry it
out of there whenever they want to. Yeah, I guess
it changes enough, because I think it's a milk
sugar. And I can't break it down, but the bacteria
in my gut can, and they turn it into the most
noxious, toxic, horrible nastiness. Well, maybe
we need to go Dave's Hot Chicken with these days.
We'll have to give it a try. It's fantastic,
I'll tell you. For a chain, it is so good. And
I didn't know it until I read it a couple weeks
ago. That's our version of the Hot Chicken, Nashville
Hot Chicken. I had no idea. It's from California,
the chain. Oh, okay. I was just like, OK, it's
just some brand of hot chicken. No, this is their
take on Nashville hot chicken. Man, it's pretty
good. I mean, I'd compare it to Hattie B's any
day. I think it's fantastic. And they're a chain.
And they also have the Carolina Reaper that you
have to sign a waiver. I'm like, no thanks. No
thanks. You have to sign a waiver to airplane,
to parachute. Okay, well, that's it. They're
putting that Carolina Reaper on the same plane
as a parachuting. Or ziplining. Yeah, you gotta
sign a waiver for that. I think not. I mean,
if I'm gonna do that, I might as well go parachute.
So we have some more of these report cards, Topher.
Yeah, I think I got five left and you've got
five left. Okay. I've got Detroit, Green Bay,
Houston Texans, Washington Commanders, and the
Seattle Seahawks. Okay, I have the ain'ts. That's
what they used to call them, remember? Yep, I
remember that. And they all were brown paper
bags like the known comic. Google it. Minnesota
Vikings, Los Angeles Chargers, and the Indian
Crappalus Colts, and the Arizona Cardinalis.
Oh, no, no, and the Philadelphia Eagles. world
champion Yeah, yeah Let's see. My highest ranking
one is sixth and my lowest ranking one is 15
I've got 12 right off the bat with the ain'ts.
All right, give us the ain'ts. Okay All right.
Their overall ranking is number 12, which I would
think is fair to Midland. Yeah at best so Let's
uh... How come that first page is always a bitch
for me? I know. I don't know why it is. Okay,
their lowest rated area is the cafeteria. Their
concern or players identify is the position of
head coach. So they're not very confident in
him. Yeah. Alright, treatment of families. They
get a C. Their 22nd food dining area D minus
31st. Second for last, yeah. Wow. Nutritionist,
dietitian, B +, 12th. Locker room, A-, 9th. That's
cut off. Weight room, B +, 13th. Strength coaches,
A, 10th. Team travel, A, 5th. Head coach, B-,
but that kind of contradicts what the first thing
said. Yeah. Okay, ownership, A, with a 10th.
Okay, they are one of ten teams that do not offer
family room for home games. That's probably where
they get a lot of their dissension. Yeah Yeah,
because I've noticed, you know, you know, it's
kind of like if you someone's I think I said
this before Someone can call you a fucking idiot
or a dickhead, but they call your mom one It's
a whole different world. It is. Yeah. Yeah, it's
like, okay. All right. I'm a fuckhead but now
they say something about your mom this same thing
you know their families are told to wait in the
parking lot yeah they don't like that they're
like wait a minute so all right um they're d
minus for food and dining area they're 31st out
of 32 teams Okay, the Saints New Cafeteria was
built throughout most of the season and opened
in December after the surveys were completed,
so that might be better. So they probably fixed
that by now? Yep. New Orleans Saints rate to
taste their team's food 6 .44 out of 10 at 29
out of 32nd ranking. So they gotta hit the spice
rack up. And my suggestion is wood -fired garlic
from Kinder. Oh my god, that stuff is... I open
the bottle just to smell it. I'll be in the kitchen,
I'll be like, oh yeah. Is it vampires or werewolves
that run from garlic? Vampires, I think. Yeah,
so you're chasing the vampires away. Where does
that breeze come from? There's a cold breeze
coming in. I know, it's making my nose cold.
It sucks. I feel like an Eskimo or something.
Yeah, there's no fans here that I don't see any
doors open. Do they call them Eskimos anymore?
Inuits. Inuits, okay, yeah. Alright. They rate
the freshness of their food 6 .68 out of 10,
ranking 31 out of 32. That's pretty awful. So
freshness and taste is horrible. Yeah, I don't
want to eat there. They must freeze everything
first. Yeah. It's like they get the leftovers
from the prison food delivery. Yes. The Saints
are one of two teams that do not provide three
meals a day throughout the week. Okay, well,
boy. Some of those homeless players they have
depend on that for... Yeah, they're gonna be
walking fast somewhere, aren't they? Okay, B+.
What's in the last podcast? The douchebags. You'll
understand what I'm saying about walking fast.
Oh, no, no, no. Actually, that's on tonight's.
Oh, okay. Okay. All right, B+. It's cut off.
82 % of players report they get individualized
nutrition plan. Okay. The players feel their
team dietitian is accessible, 18 out of 32. Okay,
locker room, A minus, ninth out of 32 teams,
97 % of players feel they have enough room in
their individual lockers, a ranking of three
out of 32. So they got spacious lockers. It's
something. Yep, yep. They have room to be naked
and other guys not accidentally touching them,
which is great. Yeah, chiefs don't have that.
No, no. Chief's locker room is too small. Yeah,
they're like, hey. They're unintentional sword
fights going on. Hey! Time out, foul! Okay, 97
% of players feel the locker room size is adequate.
So, 11 out of 32. This is cut off to B plus on
whatever it is. You're 10th out of three new
teams. 91 % of Saints players believe they have
enough full -time trainers. They're gonna be
training staff. Okay, training staff, thanks.
88 % of players feel they have enough full -time
physical therapists. They're 9 out of 32. 97
players feel they have enough hot tub space.
I rank you at 5 out of 32, which is good because
this goes back to the sword fighting. Yeah. So,
100 % of players feel they have enough cold tub
space. One of four teams with a perfect score.
So yeah, you can bathe in ice. And shrivel up.
And shrivel up. You see, they got that backwards.
The hot tub should be larger than the cold tub.
You know, if you're turbling in, I mean, it's
not a big issue. No, no. All right. The next
one's cut off too. B plus 10 out of 32 teams.
Weight room. Weight room. 88 % of Saints players
report that they receive enough one -on -one
training treatment. Ranking them 15 out of 32.
Players feel training staff moderately contributes
to overall success. Ranking them 9 out of 32.
Weight room. B plus 13th out of 32. The players
feel their weight room equipment is high quality.
Ranking them 12 out of 32 teams. The players
feel they have an adequate amount of space. to
train in their weight room, a rank of 16 out
of 32. Next one, they got an A, but it's cut
off also. Strength coaches. Thank you. 90 % of
players report they get an individualized training
plan, which gives them 17 out of 32. Wow. And
then they got an A. Yeah. Okay, players feel
that strength coaches significantly contribute
to their overall success, a rank of 7 out of
32 teams. Team travel they got in a nice that
is nice. So their food sucks. Everything else
is pretty good All right, ninety four percent
of saints. I I bet they uber eats a lot. Oh,
yeah, like what are we having today? I'm going
to uber eats All right, fifth out of 32 teams
on the team travel ninety four percent of Saints
players have a comfortable amount of personal
space on team flights So they don't go frontier
or spirit. Yeah. Okay. Regular 9 out of 32. Air
Florida. What was the other one? Alliant? No,
Allegiant. Allegiant, yeah. Yeah, Allegiant,
you have to, you got like twice a month flights.
And it's like, well, we'd save you a lot of money
if you could do it in between these spaces. But
the problem is most people don't get to pick
their vacations, so. Yeah. The players feel their
team travel schedule is somewhat efficient, a
6 out of 32 teams. The next one's a B minus,
whatever the last one is. Head coach. Oh no,
no, there's one after this, head coach. 90 %
of players feel their former head coach, Dennis
Allen, was a former, was efficient with her time,
23 out of 32. Players feel Allen, who's no longer
there, listen to feedback, rank him 28 out of
32. Ownership's last. Yes. They got an A. 10th
out of 32 teams. Arthur Blank is spending money.
No, Gale Benson. You're thinking of Atlanta.
Oh, yeah, Atlanta. I mean, the teams are very
comparable, so I get what you're saying. They're
kind of flat. Yeah, it's Benson. Tom Benson,
that was the guy. The dance on the sideline.
Tom Benson, yeah. Yeah, the famous, we got this
one. Yeah. Okay, A. 10th out of 32 teams. Owner
Gail Benson's average rated for perceived willingness
to invest in facilities, 9 .31 out of 10, saves
players ranking eight out of 32 owners in the
league. The players feel that Benson significantly
contributes to a positive team culture, a rank
12 out of 32. The players feel that Benson is
extremely committed to building a competitive
team, ranked 15 out of 32. So. That is that,
and I really, really gotta use the bathroom.
But you can go ahead and tell yours if you want.
You just have me chiming in. All right. I'll
just go ahead and keep going. Yeah. I got the
Seattle Seahawks. We're kind of space for time.
That's why we're doing this. Yeah. Or whatever.
All righty. Well, I'm going to keep going then.
Seahawks, 15th overall, slightly down from their
last season to 14th. New head coach Mike McDonald
received strong reviews. 100 % of the players
agreed he uses their time efficiently. How hard
is that? Seriously. They made great strides in
family accommodations. Last year their family
treatment grade was a C. This year it's improved
to an A - because now they have a family room
for use during games. Last year is just nothing.
So if you're... If you've got a brand new baby
and it needs to be fed or changed during the
game, last year you're out of luck. This year
you actually got a family room. Two key areas
for improvement for the Seahawks. Chop priority
upgrading the training room and expanding the
available treatment modes. Second concern was
the tub room. Only about half the players felt
that they were adequately sized room and tubs.
Following the survey, both are going to be renovated
during the off season. So for now, their lowest
grades were in training room and training staff.
Those were C and B -. So they've addressed those.
And all the other grades are B, B +, As. About
the only place they fell down again is in ownership.
And as I recall, that's, is that still Paul Allen,
I wonder? the other guy who was with the Microsoft
dude, Bill Gates. There we go. Ownership, they
got a C plus. Perceived willingness to invest
in the facilities, seven and a half out of 10.
The players feel that Allen, yeah, it's Paul
Allen, or Jody Allen, I guess, is the owner now.
Paul Allen must be deceased. Magone Allen moderately
contributes to a team culture, but only about
half feel that Allen is committed to building
a competitive team, ranking 24 out of 32. So
Seahawks are not as bad as they have been. Could
be a lot better. I want to get to Houston, Texas.
to what I'm gonna do next. They ranked sixth
out of 32. They got high grades in absolutely
every category. Who is this? Houston, Texas.
Finished with a sixth grade overall. Food program
and dietitian ranked among the best. Players
have identified no major weaknesses in the team,
but suggested adding a sauna to the facility.
I'm surprised they don't have one. That's a good
point. Yeah. Treatment of families, B minus.
Food and dining, nutritionist, dietitian, both
A. Locker room and training staff, Bs. Weight
room strength coaches, team travel, B. Head coach
and ownership, A. So Houston is a place that
players like to play. They're having a good time
there. Oh yeah, I mean, and they've really rose
up here. They've become more of a force. Yeah.
And they've been making moves to be a better
team, so. The odd thing is that even though they
got a B minus in treatment of families, the team
does not provide a family room during games.
Maybe it's not that big a deal like we thought.
Yeah. I don't know. They want the post -game
family area to be moved indoors to an air conditioned
room. So during the game, there's no family room.
After the game, they were one of those people
that was one of those teams where the families
had to meet outside in whatever weather was there.
That's just disrespectful. It is. I agree. And
I'm surprised it's not a bigger deal than that.
Oh, real quick, I forgot one of my points while
I was just going to number one upstairs. OK.
The reason I think that the Hail Mary would work
so well is, remember the Hail Mary that Jayden
Daniels threw? Yes. Yes. That was all season
you heard about that. Yeah. It's exciting when
it works. It is. Yeah. And this was like a tip
that worked. It wasn't even a play that really
did work. It just worked by a little bit of luck
and some skill. So that's why I think it'd be
so successful. Everyone would gather around the
TV and go, hey, hey, it went into overtime, so
now we're doing the Hail Marys. Everyone would
be in the room going, oh, shit, I didn't really
care about this game until now. It just makes
perfect sense. When there's uncertainty or risk,
people are interested. People will place bets.
People will watch. If they figure, oh, I know
what's going to happen, they're quite paying
attention. If it was completely skilled, then
everybody would say, oh, my god, did you see
I played my homestead right in the breadbasket.
You know rice cut it and then if it's like, oh
that was luck because it went off to hands or
whatever Yeah, so, okay. I got the record card
for the Minnesota Vikings and their second They
did really well out of 32 teams. Well, they have
the They've really really kind of got their team
on track to do well. They just need that one
it quarterback That's all they are away. Yeah
I have the proposed, we won't get to it today,
but I have the mock draft that one of the biggest
surveyors said. And I think they had Minnesota
picking a quarterback. It would make sense. It
would. That's probably their most glaring need.
As long as there's some good prospects. Well,
that's what, you know, I mean, look, they're
just now kind of like built themselves to some
sort of force. they could probably go ahead and
sit out a year finding the right guy. Because
to me, right now, I'll have to look through them,
but right now, I mean, I don't know. I really
don't see that one guy that I think could really
probably do it. But you know, I've been wrong
plenty of times. Minnesota maintains their number
two ranking. Nobody thought Mahomes was that
guy. That's true. Except the Chiefs. Oh, the
Chiefs and the Saints. Because Sean McVeigh,
no, not Sean McVeigh, Sean Payton. was going
to get him. He secretly snuck down there. He
was there for an hour working out the homes and
he came back on a private plane and he's like,
okay, we're going to get him. And then as soon
as Andy Reid and Brett Veach jumped up one from
the Bills, he looked nervous and said, we're
not getting him. No. Okay, Minnesota maintains
their number two ranking, continue to have top
of the line facilities, a highly regarded coach
and owner, helpful staff. They already had high
grades before all this. All right, the ranking
breakdown. Treatment of families A plus first.
Food dining area, A minus ninth. That is nice.
They could use a little help on the nutritionist,
dietitian, B plus 15th. But B plus is not a bad
grade. I mean, it's just 15 people or 15 teams
were better. Training staff in A, second, that's
good. Weight room, A minus 10th. Straight coaches
a second team travel a third head coach a plus
third Ownership a plus third. I wonder how they
rank all the a pluses. Oh, it's a numbered system.
That's why grade and rank a plus first out of
32 teams on treatment of families See, it's not
apparently it's not hard to do a lot of teams
are doing it Well, all of its cut off except
for this the players feel that their team frequently
organizes family events Which ranks 10 out of
32 teams the rest? I don't know the rest would
be about Family rooms during games family areas
after the game. Yeah kind of stuff. Everything
else is covered on this I'm gonna say they covered
that too food and dining area and a minus 9th
out of 32 teams The Vikings rate the taste of
their team's food 844 out of 10. That's 12 out
of 32 teams. They rate the freshness of their
food 8 .88. That's two houses down from the number
of the beast. 8 .88 out of 10 are ranking 11
out of 32. The players rank their dining, that
must be like Incubus or something, right? All
right, the players rate their dining area at
9 .55 out of 10, ranking them three out of 32
teams. Nutritionist, dietitian, part of it's
cut off, but 83 % of the players report to get
individualized nutrition plan, 16 out of 32.
Players feel the dietitian is accessible, 10
out of 32. Locker room, A plus, first out of
32 teams. 98 % of players feel they have enough
room in their individual lockers, rating them
2 out of 32 teams. 100 % of players feel the
locker room size is adequate, making the Vikings
1 out of 5 teams in the NFL with a perfect score.
88 % of Vikings players feel they have enough
full -time trainers, ranking them 8 out of 32
teams. 85 % of players feel they have enough
full -time physical therapists, ranking 7 out
of 32. 98 % of players feel they have enough
hot tub space, 3 out of 32. 98 % of players feel
they have enough cold tub space, 8 out of 32.
Training staff gets an A. 90 % of Vikings receive
enough one -on -one treatment, 4 out of 32. Players
feel their training staff significantly contributes
to their success, ranking 2 out of 32. That's
cut off. Hang on, let me see if there's anything
else. That's it. Everything else is cut off.
Yeah, I'm gonna find a better website next year.
Okay, that's cool. Well, I mean, we're getting
the point across. Yeah. So A -minus 10th out
of 32 teams, but it doesn't say what it is. Oh,
weight room, probably. Oh, what is it? Weight
room, then strength coaches, then team travel.
Okay, the players feel weight room equipment
is high quality, six out of 32. Players feel
they have an adequate amount of space to train
their weights. A ranking 13 out of 32. Strength
coaches get an A, second out of 32 teams. So
Sam Darnall was strong, he just couldn't throw.
Yeah. Okay. 100 % of players report that they
get an individualized training plan for their
strength coaching staff. It's one of just three
teams in the league with the perfect score. The
players feel their strength coaches significantly
contribute to the overall success. They're ranked
2 out of 32 teams. The next one is cut off. After
strength coaches comes team travel. Okay, 96
% of Vikings players believe they have a comfortable
amount of personal space on team flights. 6 out
of 32. Players feel their team travel schedule
is efficient. 4 out of 32. Head coach, A+. Wow.
90 % players feel that head coach Kevin O 'Connell
is efficient. Ranked 16 out of 32. The players
feel O 'Connell is highly receptive to locker
room feedback. Three out of 32. What's the next
one? Facilities? After head coach? Yeah. Ownership.
Okay, ownership. A plus. Third out of 32 teams.
Owner... Ziggy, I think? Oh yeah. Zygai Wilfs,
whatever it is. Z -Y -G -I. Ziggy? Probably Ziggy.
Yep. Wilfs average rating for perceived willingness
to invest in the facility is 9 .83 out of 10.
Two out of 32 teams. The players feel that Wilfs
significantly contributes to a positive team
culture. Three out of 32. The players feel that
Wilfs is extremely committed to building a competitive
team. Rank 3 out of 32 teams. How long has Wilf
owned that organization, I wonder? A few years
at least. Yeah, it seems to me like he may have
acquired it maybe four years ago, seven years
ago, somewhere in that range. And I think he's
been building on this ever since and coming up
with a pretty good result, including a winning
team. They've come a long ways from the, remember
when they had that whole party boat fiasco. Oh
yeah. It was a lot of date rape going on and
underage girls and all sorts of garbage. You
know, they kind of recovered from that. People
quit talking about it, but all those guys are
out. They've been gone for a long time so people
are okay with that now because those people are
gone and new people that hopefully don't do that
are in place. Well, I got the Chicago Bears rated
14th out of 32. About like their team. Let's
see, the most frequent complaint was former head
coach Matt Eberfluse. Players felt he lacked
a willingness to listen to the players and the
players leadership council. And he mismanaged
the team's weekly schedule. Over and over. I
think that showed, don't you? Yeah. They got
low ranking in treatment of families and food
and dining. As far as treatment of families,
their post -game areas sucks. Yes. Their big
complaint was the post -game area. For food and
dining, the taste is bad and the freshness is
bad. But the dining area is nice, everything
else is nice. They got A's and B's on pretty
much everything except... treatment of families,
food and dining, and the head coach. So they
fixed the head coach. As long as you get their
food in order, they're going to be okay. They
actually said that the majority of their facilities
are good. Now this is a team that is stating,
we need a new stadium, we want a new stadium,
we're not going to put up with this old stadium
any longer. The players say the facility is just
fine. They give A's and B's all the way across.
So what's so bad about the stadium that they
have to get out? Good point. Yeah, it would seem
to know. Yeah, it would be, actually. Well, I
mean, they're coming up with a new one, so we'll
see what happens. The ones I got left, most of
these teams I have left, they're good overall.
They have one or two areas where they're deficient.
Okay. The Lions have A's and B's all across the
board except for their locker room. And you flip
to the locker room and... Excuse me. The only
problem they have with the locker room is the
lockers themselves are too small. Basically,
that's the only thing that the Lions players
have to complain about of the Detroit Lions is
we want bigger lockers in the locker room. Everything
else, they're fine. That's good. Yeah. It's really
good. Well, the Chargers are fifth overall. I'm
surprised about that. So, treatment of facilities,
families, C, food, dining area, A-, nutrition,
dietitian, B +, locker room, A, that's cut off.
Okay, weight room, A +, strength coaches, A,
team travel, C +, head coach, B +, ownership,
A. Treatment of families, a C. Food and dining
area at A minus. Locker room in A, fifth out
of 32 teams. So they're leading pretty good on
a lot of areas. Training staff in A minus. Let's
see, strength coaches in A, that one's cut off.
They got an A plus on the weight room. A lot
of what's helping the Chargers is now they're
sharing a really awesome stadium with the Rams.
Yes. This isn't the old San Diego Stadium, this
is the SoFi Stadium. State of the art on the
banks of the beautiful Pacific Ocean. And that's
the one that they had, they started building
it and then they realized that the finished structure
was going to be too tall and it will stick up
into air traffic lanes. Oh yeah. So they had
to tear it down, dig another hundred feet down
and start over. People who don't realize that,
there's this thing called, I think it's Long
Beach Airport. It wasn't even LAX, was it? I
think it is Long Beach. Yeah, it was too tall.
Long Beach is a very small airport. For a majority
of the places, if there's a line, you have to
wait outside. They have food trucks, which is
really cool. We didn't have enough time, but
we saw all different kinds of food trucks. We
were like, man, how about there? But we had to
hurry up and get in. So it would make sense if
the structure's too big. way that they have to
leave that runway. It would be in the way, so.
All right, C +, 25 out of 32 teams. B +, oh,
that's for the comfortable amount of personal
space, locker rooms. Head coach, B +, 22nd out
of 32 teams. A, of the owner. Fifth out of 32,
Dean Spanos still owns them. Wow. Wow. He's old.
Yeah, he is. Well, Alex Spanos was the original
and then Dean is his kid. Oh, that's right. Dean's
his son. So that's pretty much it there. They
did pretty well. So I got the Packers finished
seventh overall. Okay. They have A's and B's
and everything. Wow. It's a small town. It's
an old stadium and they're doing everything right.
That's interesting. Such an old stadium, they've
ranked so high. The only thing that the players
feel is a need is improvement is the locker room
needs to be renovated and upgraded. It's big
enough. They just it's just old. How old is Lambeau
Field? Gosh. Here, I'll look at it. 20s? Probably.
Are you in the 1920s? So it's probably 100 years
old. How old is Lambeau Field? Lambeau Field
is 68 years old. Oh, it's younger than I thought.
Okay, well, I mean that's still old though. I
wonder where they played before Lambo I don't
know where they played huh interesting The last
one I have is the commander's okay, and they
rate Really well in most categories nutritionist
and dietitian C plus locker room F Okay in training
room C plus so Dan Quinn finished the season
as the number one or Hank head coach Okay team
invested in the food prank program upgraded from
a D plus to a B plus Increased the frequency
of family events and began providing daycare
during home games So last season was the first
season they did that that's good of them So that
raised their rating from an F minus to a B plus
that was important to the players apparently
Yeah, I get it Improvement to team travel is
up 50 % with 95 % of the players saying they
have enough room. The facility itself remains
a major issue. The building is old, in need of
major renovation, and the players single out
the locker room as the area that needs attention.
So let's jump to the locker room, because that's
what got the F. Okay, and see what they let double.
Okay 43 % of players feel they have enough room
in their individual lockers Which is 31 out of
32. Yeah, that's not good at all Yeah, 49 % of
the players feel the block room size is adequate
ranking 29 out of 32 So it's a small room with
small lockers. Okay? 37 % of players report ongoing
plumbing problems of the locker room leading
to soiled floors and stink Wow, yeah, and they're
just not fixing it Maybe they can't without tearing
down half the freaking stadium Well, probably
when you get into the plumbing stuff like that
and it's old plumbing You got to start busting
up a lot of concrete. Yes, and I'm pretty sure
they don't want to do that So should we go ahead
and cap this off and go into the music creeps?
I would like to do that. Okay. All right Everybody
thanks for listening. Go fuck yourself Oh no,
looks like the show's over kids. Mark has explosive
diarrhea and can't afford a wireless mic. Fear
not assholes, they'll be back invading your ear
holes soon.