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douchebags and a microphone. To radiation. Watch
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Read a Rob today. You watched the news. It looks
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Here's a proof right here about the drink of
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from Norwegian Cruise Line's Best Drinks. This
is a chocolatey, delicious drink. Thick. You
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all together, put in a blast, and there you are.
Delightful, chocolatey goodness. Enjoy. Two douchebags
and a microphone. I'm Mark here on the Kansas
City end of this here podcast. And I am Rob on
the beautiful landmark of Lake of the Ozarks.
Right. Rob, you've gotten so good at that. I
mean, geez, you could sell land there. You know,
like I'll come up and go, yeah, I'm kind of,
oh, no, I'm kind of on the fence. I'm thinking
about buying a lake house here. What do you think
about it, Mr. Radford, you know, realtor? What
do you think? Do you think I should buy one of
these? Definitely. Okay. Well, what do you call
it, though? Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.
Beautiful. Okay. All right. All right. Well,
my latest question is this, Rob. The homeless
are always on the move. Where the hell are they
going? They don't have jobs. They don't run errands.
No after -school soccer practice for the tots.
You know, they don't have to hurry home because
the furnace guy is coming. I would just simply
like to ask one of them, where are you going?
Why are you always in a hurry? These are valid
questions, aren't they, Rob? I mean, I'm not
making fun of them. I'm just curious. Every one
of them up here in the city, they're always on
the move and they seem in a hurry. I want to
know where they're going. That's a good question.
All right. Hey, if you're homeless and you listen
to this podcast, write us, doucheb66 for now,
at yahoo .com. Let me know where you guys are
going because I really want to know. I find it
perplexing that every one of them don't have
a house or anything to do, but they're always
in a hurry with their backpack and their shopping
carts, and they're always in a hurry going somewhere.
I just want to know where that is. Is there like
a mecca of homeless somewhere, you know, where
you like go there and there's like, I don't know,
a beautiful lake and a bunch of trees and a bunch
of homeless people sitting around eating pineapples
or something? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe. Yeah,
who knows. All right. I have a Bluetooth in my
Jeep that has behavioral problems. I get in the
car, right, and my Bluetooth is supposed to automatically
connect. But around every tenth time, it fails
to recognize my phone. I thought maybe, like,
maybe the Bluetooth next door was interfering.
It just basically told me there's no Bluetooth,
but I know better. So, anyhow, I looked it up
on the Internet, right? Because I was really
going, what the hell's going on here, you know?
Am I doing something wrong? Well, here's what
I found on the Internet. It's kind of let me
know that my Bluetooth is defiant and there's
nothing I can do about it. You know, it's like
a lot of people have this problem. It's like
Bluetooth, after a while, they kind of like,
like I said, every 10th time, they're like, nah,
I'm not going to do it today. You're just shit
out of luck, Mr. Wallace. That's too bad. I'm
not working. So, you know, I thought about, you
know, like getting an SD card with music on it
and threatening it with it, right? Just like
going in there and going, yeah, I know you're
there, Bluetooth, but I'm just going to throw
this in. You know what? Because I can. I can
bypass you and get music. So fuck off. But I
don't think that'll work. I don't think it gives
a shit. What do you think, Rob? I don't think
it does either. Probably not. You know, I was
like thinking like maybe it like kind of like
look over there and go, SD card. Are you going
to replace me? You can't. I'm the Bluetooth.
You can't replace me. So, yeah, who knows? So
we got something going on here in Kansas City,
right? Kansas City wants the voters to approve
another tax, right? Our roads, they literally
feel like a washed -out creek bed. I mean, you
know, everybody and myself, I'm talking, you
know, to other people, and we're kind of thinking
that if you can't ever fix the roads, why in
the world would I or Joe Taxpayer trust you with
more money? You know, this isn't a political
program, but I'm just stating this because I've
talked to a lot of people here lately, and they're
all like, well, yeah, we hear that they're in
favor of this new tax for the schools, but actually
nobody seems to be in favor for it. Everybody
thought the same thing. They're like, you know
what, you can't fix the roads, and you think
that you're going to pile some more money. We're
going to hand you more money, and you're going
to fix something that's a problem? We don't trust
you. The potholes are a problem, and they're
not getting fixed. So why would we give you more
money? It's kind of like the kid that, you know,
you give them like a dollar, and you say, go
buy an ice cream. Okay, just one. Then they buy
their whole money worth of ice cream. I mean,
I know ice cream's more than, you know, a dollar
now. Let's say you give them $10, and you go,
all right, buy one ice cream, one ice cream only,
come back with a change, they buy 10 ice creams
with it. OK, you're not going to trust him with
money. And that's what's going on here in the
city. And look, I'm not saying there's a great
answer. I'm not saying there's a right or wrong.
What I'm saying is, is I think this thing's going
to fail because I've talked to enough people
and everyone feels the same way. They're like,
you know what? We can't even get our roads fixed.
Why would we give you another dime? Because you
can't prove that you are responsible with the
money that we give you. So it's going to be interesting.
And I will report back on this. And I can name
three businesses in the last year that went under
specifically because their taxes are astronomical.
I like to go to this place up the road. It's
a very small place called Mama Leone's. It's
not too far away. It's about a mile and a half.
It's easy to get to. It's right off Redbridge
Road. I mean, it's great pizza and strombolis
and Greek salads and stuff like that. That kind
of a place. And it's very casual. I think it
might... Might have been an old Wendy's or something
where they opened up. They have a nice menu,
and they have real New York -style pizza in the
KC Metro. It's really good. And, I mean, I don't
know what their origins are there, but they used
to do original pizza in Bannister Mall. Do you
remember original pizza? Yeah, I love that place.
Yeah, it's the same family, it does it. Oh, okay,
okay. Yeah, and this is like... They're nice
people. They are nice people. Yeah, they are.
And this might be the grandson or the son. I
think it's the grandson, judging by his age,
that's there that owns it now. So I was in there
the other day, and I was getting me a salad and
a slice of pizza. And I talked to the owner whenever
he was around. I talked to him every now and
then. And if I understood him correctly, the
taxes equal out to around $50 a day, dude. He
has a small place. You know... KC is our number
one market, according to RSS and Google. Go to
Monteleone's and frequent these smaller places.
You know, I'm not embellishing this one bit.
They are struggling to stay in business. And
if you like your local place, get down there.
Support them. Because they're getting taxed out
of this town, from what I understand. And I'm
not saying that it's anybody's fault. I'm not
getting political. What I'm telling you is what
I see going on, and it's not a good thing. So,
you know, whatever happened wherever, I don't
know. Is someone stealing the money? I don't
know. Are they mismanaging the money? I don't
know. All I know is what people are telling me,
and I'm spreading the word. If you like your
place, go to them because they're all struggling.
I could not imagine, you know, like the owner,
I'm pretty sure what he said was $50 a day. Okay,
let's say they bring in $300, right, Rob? Okay,
so $50 go to taxes. Probably another $80 goes
to labor. Probably another $80 goes to utilities.
And then the food costs. What does that leave
you? Practically nothing. So basically, it looks
to me like you have good days, right? And then
you have bad days. The good days are just keeping
you above water. And then the rest of the time...
You're scratching for traction. I mean, you're
like, you know, you're biting it tooth and nail
every day. You're looking at the bills and going,
man, sales weren't that good this month. I don't
know, man, you know. And I'm telling you, it's
getting to where, and Kansas City is not the
only place. A lot of these big cities, that's
just the way it is, you know. And really, the
only thing we can do is this right here. And
everybody's all freaked out about the stock market
and all that. You only lose money if you take
it out. Right, Rob? Right. If you keep it in
there, what happens is, let's say the shares
get cut in half, blue chip stocks, okay? You're
buying them up for half the price. Then later
on, when they're full price, you're reaping that
profit. So you lost some of your profits here
over the last 10 years, okay? You're going to
make them back. The worst thing you can do is
grab your money. And whether you agree with the
guy in office or not, you don't do that. You
know, once you grab it out, you lost whatever
you made, and then maybe a little bit more. Leave
it in there. Whether you trust your government
or not, I mean, look, you're in it for the long
haul, so if you want to retire when you're 65,
you probably better leave it in there, especially
if you're like Meyer Robb's age, you know? It's
like, okay. Yeah, you know, I understand that
I lost some money. I think Friday I lost $2 ,500.
But what happened previous five years is I made
about $70 ,000. You see? So you take that $70
,000 comparative to the $2 ,500 I lost, it's
no big deal. But if you look at it for one day's
loss, it's like, oh my God, the sky's falling.
No, it isn't. Already made over 70 grand on the
thing over the last 10 years. So really, I mean,
if you put it in true perspective, you leave
it in there. So, and I also, I know I'm skipping
from one thing to another thing, but I'm telling
everyone again, I put on Kinder, the spice people,
it's wood -fired garlic. Put them on bone -in
ribeyes and charred the spice into the steak.
This spice is the best ever, Rob. I used to use
a combination of like four or five spices and
marinate them. Now I only use that one spice.
I'm telling you, this thing is a magnificent
creation. It's fantastic. So I'm telling you,
go out, get Kinder's wood -fired garlic and put
it on something that you like to eat. You will
be thanking me. For a long time from now. Ten
years from now, you'll be like, hey, that's the
guy that told me to get the Kinder stuff. I still
use that. And I suddenly realized why Gene Simmons
is charging $20 ,000 to be his roadie. That is
a going price for liposuction. So, you know,
so I think that's it. He's like, I'm going to
get some idiot to haul my shit around and pay
for my liposuction because I'm a big, fat, greasy
bitch now. So. Anyhow, I remember being a critic
of Ace saying that he let himself go. Ace could
clap back right now at that old bag of shit and
say, hey, what about you now? Hey, you know,
I'm cleaned up. I don't do drugs anymore. I've
slid down. You know, all my tests are good and
everything. What about you, genie boy? Oh, ooh.
Uh -oh, Mr. High and Mighty kind of let himself
go a little bit there, didn't he? Okay, all right.
Ace is too classy. Not only that, but Ace has
moved on. He doesn't give a shit. He doesn't
talk about them like they talk about him. He
doesn't constantly bag on them or nothing. He's
just living his life and enjoying himself. He's
doing concerts. Like he said, they retired. I
didn't. As far as I'm concerned, Ace won. Ace
had a very successful solo career. A lot of people
like me loved him the best and still love him
the best and still think he's the best out of
the whole band, the most talented. Yes. And this
is like 8 out of 10 people. 8 out of 10 KISS
fans I know all think that Ace was the most talented
guy on there and the most likable, too. So, anyhow.
And so, once again, Rob, remember my problem
that I had about my locker only being a half
locker and I need a full one at work? Yeah. Yeah.
Well, Every evening I'm in such a hurry to get
out of there that I take this half locker and
I cram these big rubber boots that I have to
wear at work. I cram them in there any way I
can just to shut the son of a bitch and leave,
right? Because I'm always in a hurry. Well, it
came to a head the other day. There's four people
walking by. My boots came out and kicked me right
in the face again. And you're talking about people
like, oh my God, are you okay? And I'm like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't hurt, really. It
hurt like fuck. And I feel like a dumbass. Because
once again, I just, you know, I can't help it.
It's like, oh, shit, man. It's 430. I want to
get out of here, man. I want to get out of here
now, not two minutes from now. So I never take
the time to put them in there right. I always
think, man, you know what? I'll remember tomorrow.
I'll be like, all right. Open it up. Stand back.
Let them. let them jump out and be out of the
way. But every time I'm like, boom, hits me right
in the face. Only this time is a little embarrassing
and a little blood on my nose too. That was even
more embarrassing. So, yeah. I think I'm going
to start remembering like tonight. I took that
extra two minutes and I put them in there properly,
even though it's hard to because I really need
a full locker. I folded them in half. I put them.
In the middle, no tension at all. So when I open
that up tomorrow, it should not be a problem.
So hopefully I remember this and I keep doing
this because I'm getting tired of getting kicked
in the face. And Davey sent me a new trailer
for the remake of Naked Gun. Dude, it is funnier
than hell. Look it up on YouTube. You know, most
remakes anymore to me are just stupid. You know,
they're trying to prove a point. They're trying
to teach you a lesson or something. Look, all
that's fine and dandy, man. You know, everyone
should have their, you know, the things that
they believe in. And I'm full -hearted 100 %
in favor of the Constitution. You can love what
you want, and I can love what I want. But when
I watch a movie, I want to watch the movie. I
don't want someone trying to tell me something.
You know, I already have my views on everything.
So, usually, to me, that ruins a movie. This
time, it looks to me like they went to make a
funny movie, and that's all they did. They didn't
try to do anything different or anything like
that. They're like, this movie's going to match
the first one. So, anyhow, one of the parts that's
funnier than hell is it shows all the detectives,
except for the African -American detective. They
walk by Leslie Nielsen's painting on the wall,
and they all kiss it and say, Hi, Daddy. Okay,
so like he like fathered all that. Then the African
-American one, he walks by the painting of O
.J. Simpson. He looks at the camera and shakes
his head and walks off. It's fucking funnier
than hell. And just the look on his face, he's
kind of like, ah, forget it. But there are so
many other funny parts. That was just like one
real notable one. But it was just funny the way,
you know, they all like, hi, Daddy, hi, Daddy,
hi, Daddy. And then he looks at O .J. and then
he looks at the camera and he's like, forget
it. He walks off. So anyhow, but I have to say,
O .J. was brilliant on those. Wasn't he brilliant
on the naked guns? Yes, he was. Oh, I mean, he.
He should have really went into acting more because
he was really good. Yeah. I mean, especially
his comedy. His comedy was so good. Man. So anyhow,
he could have done it. But anyhow. All right.
So I'm like 16 minutes, 17 minutes into this
bitch. You got something you want to go for,
Rob? Yeah, I do. All right. And like always,
I have two pages left. So go ahead. A decades
-long project to open the world's largest wildlife
crossing across a 10 -lane Southern California
freeway is almost complete. The Wallace -Annenberg
Crossing links critical habitats on both sides
of the 101 freeway in the Santa Monica Mountains,
about 10 miles north of Malibu. Excellent. The
freeway and nearby development have essentially
trapped populations of cougars, mule deer, bobcats,
and desert cottontail rabbits on either side,
putting them at risk for birth defects and decreasing
their habitat. Oh, wow. Yeah. When completed
next year, the overpass will allow all manner
of wildlife to freely cross over. one of the
nation's busiest highways, blissfully unaware
of the thousands of vehicles speeding underneath.
It's the world's largest crossing of its type,
according to the Annenberg Foundation. A major
milestone was reached this week when workers
began pouring what will eventually be 6 ,000
cubic yards of soil on top of the overpass. Crews
will begin planting close to 5 ,000 native plants
in May. A bridge was first proposed for the area
in 1990. Funding efforts began in 2014 and construction
began in 2022. To create a pathway, the project
features a gently sloping overpass that is 165
feet wide and 200 feet long. It is designed to
look like natural habitat and will be landscaped
with native plants, a living garden, and will
entice animals to cross where it's safe. I love
that. I love that idea. That is cool, man. Yeah,
it is. I'm glad that people are thinking about
stuff like that because I, you know... I think
I like animals better than most people. Well,
it did cost nearly $100 million. Well, okay.
It's a lot of money, but I don't know. I'm like
you. In my mind, I think it's worth it. I do,
too. Yeah. You know, look, animals, they can't
help that we're here and hogging everything up.
You know, it's just like we have coyotes. We
have deer. We have all kinds of wildlife all
around us because we're on the extreme southern
edge of Kansas City, okay? So there's a lot of
woods around here in the Blue River. Now they
keep building more and more complexes, and the
coyotes and all the habitat, the natural habitat,
their places to live are shrinking. And then
people are getting mad at them because they're
stealing their chickens. It's like, well, you
know what? That's what they do. They're coyotes.
They're hungry. They see a chicken. They eat
it. That's what they do in the wild. OK, so for
us to like, you know, we're pretty much just
like scooting them out of off of the earth. I'm
glad that people are thinking of animals because
really, honestly, look, I mean, if you really
want to really think about it, I mean, it's not
that big of a deal, really. to do something like
that to help animals, in my opinion. And it sounds
like you think so too, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay.
It's only taken three years of construction,
which ain't bad. No, that's not bad for what
they did. I mean, it's really a sophisticated
complex. Really, that's something they really
ought to talk about a little bit more, I think.
I'm glad you found that story. Thank you, Rob.
Yeah, I am too. Alright, you want to get to some
emails after the break? Yeah, sounds good. Alright,
we'll be right back. Hey there, fuckstick. You're
just in time for brand new feature news nobody
gives a shit about. A belly dancer in Spain.
Belly danced for 48 hours, beating the old world
record by 5 hours. Two bush bags and microphone
in an effort to keep everything fresh. We offer
you... First world problems. Oh shit! Look at
that drive -thru wine! Surely you don't expect
me to actually have to go in? This sucks. The
apocalypse just happened. You don't know what
to do. You don't know where to go, but we can
tell you what you can eat. Ground ivy is a persistent
ground cover that often escapes death by lawnmowers
due to its low profile. It spreads by sending
out roots from its nodes and can colonize an
area quickly. Ground ivy is in the mint family
so it has square stems which help identify it.
Although it's a mint, it's probably not something
you would chew on for that refreshing, tingly
taste that other mints impart. Use young shoots
and leaves in salads or cooked, but be sure to
taste before adding too much since it has a strong
flavor that may not go over well in a large quantity.
Harambe does not listen to our original show,
Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder anymore. You might ask why Harambe
never listens to our original show, Two Dipshits
and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic Tape Recorder.
Well, it's because Harambe is dead. Senselessly
murdered because some idiot did not watch her
child properly while looking on her phone. Sadly,
Harambe does not listen to our original show,
Two Dipshits and a Cheap Radio Shack Realistic
Tape Recorder or any other show. Sorry, Harambe.
Strange, but true. Andras Toma was the last World
War II prisoner of war to be released. Toma was
captured in 1945. He was later locked up in an
insane asylum for speaking gibberish. However,
in 2000, he was accidentally discovered by a
Slavic who recognized he was actually speaking
Hungarian. After nearly 60 years, Thelma was
successfully identified and finally returned
home in 2000. Our constant pursuit for a real
knee slapper. It's strange insults from an alien.
Real hilarity. I would have wished you that my
mom told me to not burn trash for me to eat it.
Oh, Lord. That man just sawed a puppy in half.
Hey there. Don't worry. I have a clown nose.
Oh, no. That drunk guy just hit my child. It's
okay. I have a clown nose. Clown noses are sold
at keg stores online and pedophile conventions.
Grab one today and make magic happen. Tomorrow
morning while grinding your coffee beans for
your double mocha latte, remember to not get
your genitals caught in the grinder. It really
hurts. Who can afford plastic surgery? Stay safe,
everyone. Two douchebags microphone. I'm Mark
in the Kansas City chapter of this here podcast.
And I am Ron at the beautiful Niagara and Lake
of the Oceans. All right. Cool. We got some emails.
First off, Johnny in OP has been busy. He wrote
me two emails this time. The first one, Mark.
Llamas! Exclamation point. I know what he's talking
about, and I'll tell you. It's another famous
story. Johnny knows because he was around. The
llama story with me and Davey. Did I ever tell
you that one, Rob? I don't think you did. Okay.
After we do your story, after the emails, I'll
go into it. All right? Try to remind me. Okay?
All right. So, yeah, Johnny, we plan on telling
that story. Thank you. I'd forgotten all about
it. But, man, I remember it well. It was crazy.
So, all right. First one. Hey, D -Bags. I was
called asshole way before the show. What a coincidence.
Mitch had his lake house on the shore of the
beautiful Freeman Lake Massey Creek arm. Hey,
that is true. First off. Yeah, we took it from
you, Mitch, being called assholes. That's what
we named our fans after, is you, assholes. And
second off, the beautiful Freeman Lake, let's
see, it says, Mitch at his lake house on the
shore of the beautiful Freeman Lake, Massey Creek
Arm. I think he's making fun of you, Rob. Probably.
Yep. Sounds like it. Yep, yep. Mitch, you got
one strike against you. Ronnie's still in the
lead. Sorry. You're striving. You're making strives.
No, actually, I think that's a pretty funny email,
really. Yeah, I do, too. Yep. Mitch, you're still
in there. Thank you. All right. Mark, could you
start checking the podcast before you drop them?
Thanks in advance. They can be annoying. Sorry.
Jerry and Dallas. I don't think you heard it,
Rob, otherwise you would have texted me. It did
the voiceovers, you know, how it would echo.
Okay. I didn't catch that. Well... It only lasted
until that morning. I put it up that evening,
late that evening, and I woke up in the morning.
I was on my way to work, and I was like, oh,
shit, it's doing it again. So when I went to
work, I deleted the episode because I can do
that. When I came back home, I cleaned it up.
I took all the echo off, and it sounds good again,
and I put it back in. So obviously, Jerry heard
the first version of it. So, Jerry, I hope that
you. Realized that I took it off and put another
one because I put a different title on it when
I put another one on there So hopefully you realize
that and you listen to the new one because that
one was cleaned up and I'm sorry I'm gonna start
listening to them before I even drop them. I
guarantee you I'm gonna start listening to them
I know I know it sucks because it's very annoying
because you might hear something you like and
then it just starts getting Echoing like it does.
All right I'm starting to feel a little pressure
with Mitch being a regular. Just kidding. I enjoy
his work as well. What would you and Rob's top
seven favorite sauces be? Sorry, I didn't get
a chance to read this. Top seven favorite sauces.
Okay. Like Heinz 57, I guess, I think. Is that
the way you took that? Yeah, I'm guessing any
kind of sauce. Okay. Ronnie, if it's any different,
email me. But we're taking it as like Heinz 57
and Worcestershire or something like that. So,
okay. Ronnie in Tulsa, Tulsa King. Here's his
concert list. Number seven, Molly Hatchet in
the Tulsa Theater. I bet that was good. I've
been to the Tulsa Theater. It's not that big.
I would say it is about the size of Uptown Theater.
It's a beautiful theater, too. Number six, Boston
and Kansas City at the Old Kemper Arena. I bet
that was good. Yeah. Number five, Robert Plant
in Oklahoma City at the Bricktown Ballroom. Oh,
man, I love the Bricktown Ballroom. Have you
ever been there? No, I have not. Oh, I don't
think it's there anymore. But it is beautiful.
It's in Bricktown, and it is a nice venue. Number
four, Nine Inch Nails at Sandstone. Number three,
Black Sabbath with Dio at the American Arena
in Wichita. I guess back then there was American
Arena. I don't know if it's still there or if
it changed names. I don't think there's an American
Arena now there. Number two, Journey at Sandstone,
1997. And number one, White Snake at the Tulsa
Theater in 2004. You had to have been there.
Okay. I like that list. I'm taking your word
for it. I'm taking his word for it. Ronnie hasn't
been wrong on anything that we know of, so I'm
going to go ahead and say that that was a great
concert. I trust him. Next one. Do you have a
timeline for YouTubing? I would love to watch
the show. Alley in Minneapolis. No? I mean...
Rob and I have been extremely busy, and whenever
I'm not busy, I've been making up new promos,
like the newest one that I like, the new segment
that I like is The Drink of the Week. Did I put
that on the last podcast or not? Yeah, I think
it is on there. Okay. Well, I'm coming up with
new segments. And other ones, this one that's
kind of a puzzle one that you put together. It's
going to be interesting because it's going to
be a segment of a few of them that you listen
over duration and you have to put it together.
I'm pretty proud of it. I don't think anything
like that has been done in this type of a venue
ever before. And I'm coming up with new stuff
like that. But I know we got to do the YouTube
thing and I'm coming up with some logistics.
I'm still working on my studio here. because
I don't want to do it until it's absolutely right.
I want it to be everything, and I want, like,
some of the remote -controlled color lights and
laser lights I want, I have to hook up on the
ceiling and from the floor up, because when I
do this, I want it to look the way I want it
to look. I want people to get on there and go,
wow. And so it takes a little while to come up
with all this, working a full -time job, family
events. you know, vacations, all of this stuff.
So believe me, Rob, are we trying to YouTube?
Eventually. Yeah. Yes. I appreciate the interest,
but I get so many of these. So I chose Allie
Minneapolis just to talk about this one more
time. Yes. And Allie, we appreciate you. Thank
you for listening to this horrible show. And
we are going to YouTube. I don't have a timeline,
no, but we're going to try to do it as soon as
possible. So, and Allie is not the only one.
I've had quite a few of them that say, hey, we
want the YouTube. So we will do it. But also,
I don't just want a YouTube. I want to do Facebook
too. You know how many people listen to Facebook
podcasts live? A lot of people do. And I want
it to where they go to our page, Two Deuce Bags,
a microphone page. And right there is our live
feed. And then whenever it's done, it is quarantined
there. And you can go there and you can rewatch
it from that, from that page anytime you want.
Let's say you missed some of it and you only
got to listen 20 minutes of it. That night you're
going home and you're like, oh, I wanted to hear
that one segment they were talking about. You
can go back on that Facebook page, click on it,
and watch it like that. Because I watch Bubba
the Love Sponge like that sometimes. And it's
easy because it's just right on Facebook and
they don't really advertise on there either.
other venues do where you keep having advertisements
interrupted it's fairly advertiser free i think
you get like maybe an ad at the first and one
at the last and that's about it so um so i want
to do that and i want to do youtube and youtube's
the same thing get a you get an ad at first and
then it goes on so all right and then finally
mark this is johnny and op once again mark do
you script the opening talk segment i'm just
curious no um bullet points Sometimes I'll write
out a sentence, but usually I ignore it because
I think it's something better to say on the fly.
So, no, really not scripted. What about you,
Rob? I don't think you do either. You just take
a story and you kind of make it yours, don't
you? Yeah, that's about all I do, yeah. Yeah,
and I believe that's the way to do it. You know,
you have your bullet points that you want to
really say and get the point across, but everything
else just got to kind of be your personality,
you know? a smart ass making fun of it, whatever,
or if it's a serious thing, whatever it is, it's
got to be your personality because look, I mean,
at the end of the day, people either like or
hate your personality and people like it are
going to listen to people that don't won't. That's
it. So, yeah, Rob, that is the end of the emails.
We turn to you. Michael Jackson's close companion
of over a decade has turned 42 years old. His
infamous pet chimpanzee, Bubbles. Bubbles is
still alive? Yeah. He's just turned 42. Wow.
He outlived Michael. Yeah. Bubbles captured the
hearts of fans when he was frequently seen being
toted around by the King of Pop. in extravagant
outfits. But he also found himself at the center
of scandals, including mauling a young Rashida
Jones and contemplating suicide when he was transferred
from Beverly Ranch to a Florida sanctuary. How
did they know he was... That's what I was getting
ready to ask. They're just... They're assuming
that. Yeah, yeah. He was probably depressed is
what it was. Yeah, him and Michael might have
been really close, yeah. But don't you think
that a chimpanzee would want to be with other
ones at a sanctuary in the natural habitat? I
honestly don't think he was depressed and contemplating
suicide. I think he was like, oh, good, finally,
I can go to what I'm supposed to do, swinging
through trees and eating fucking bananas or whatever.
You know? But anyhow, go ahead. Jackson's chimp
lived a pampered life at Neverland, attending
star -studded events, and even slept in a crib
in the pop star's bedroom. He once even joined
the Billie Jean singer for tea with the mayor
of Osaka when he was on his bad tour. But as
he aged and grew larger and more aggressive,
he was transferred to the center of Great Apes
in Florida in 2005. The sanctuary posted on Instagram
in celebration of his 20th anniversary at the
center today. We're celebrating 20 years since
Bubbles arrived at the center for Great Apes.
And since we don't know his exact birthday, we're
also celebrating his 42nd birthday today. Bubbles
has truly thrived at the sanctuary and joined
the simple joys of being a chimpanzee. Climbing,
foraging, and spending time with his chimpanzee
friends. Cool. It does go on to say he was born
in a biomedical lab. He was? Yeah. And then he
was raised in the entertainment industry. Okay.
Well, he was born in a biomedical lab. Maybe
he's... Doesn't know his natural habitat then,
like I thought. I don't know. I don't know how
that works. Well, he does now. He does now. Sounds
like he took to it good. Yeah, I bet he's out
swinging on ropes and shit and threatening people
with his poop, right? Yeah. Hell yeah. The fun
things that chimpanzees like to do. Throw poop,
fly through the air, and make faces at people.
I wish I was a chimpanzee. What about you? Oh,
I'd love to be. Oh, hell yeah. I'd throw poop
at everybody. You know, and I don't care, like,
President, the Pope, whoever. I would throw my
poop at them because I was a chimpanzee and I'd
get away with it, right? Yep. Yeah, hell yeah.
All right. Well, we're not chimpanzees, so we
cannot throw our poop at people. I mean, we could,
but we'd get in trouble. All right. Let's see.
You know what? We'll go to our next break in
a little bit. But Zach Wild. He recalls his most
wholesome moment with Ozzy, but I don't know
how wholesome it is. So they asked Zach about
this, and he said, all right. He goes, I go.
You're going to get us fired. Sharon's right
across the hall. This is the way the article
starts out, okay? Zach Wild recalled how he and
Ozzy Osbourne snuck into the bathroom to drink
beer together, calling it the most wholesome
moment he's ever shared with his longtime boss.
He's calling this wholesome, okay? If the many
stories of Ozzy's escapades are anything to go
by, playing, recording, and living on the road
with the Prince of Darkness may either seem like
the time of one's life or an absolute nightmare,
depending on one's appetite for chaos. Of course,
we would have loved it. However, Zach Wild seems
to have had a blast during as many years as Ozzy's
lead axe welder. and has many stories to share
from these times. The guitarist recounted one
such antidote during an interview with the Metal
Hammer magazine online when asked to name the
most wholesome moment he's ever shared with Ozzy.
In addition to Ozzy and Zach himself, the episode
included Zach's emergency bag of beer. So Zach
carried around before he quit drinking an emergency
bag of beer, Rob. He used to lug it around on
tours. So he had this bag of beer in case of
emergencies and he lugged it around on his tours.
I love that. What's that? My emergency bag of
beer. Oh, OK. All right. What's it for? To drink.
So anyhow, I remember we played at Budokan Arena
in Tokyo. I'd always had a bag of beer with me
just in case anywhere we were going, we didn't
have beer. So he's afraid that a place could
have been a dry place. So he always had his bag
of beer with him, which I find remarkable. So
Oz is in the room after the gig. He goes, Zachy,
Zachy, got any of those beers? I go, yeah, but
I'm not giving you one here. You're going to
get us fired. Mums, who is Sharon Osbourne's,
right across the hall. She's going to come in
and see the two of us drinking. Is that going
to be good? No. I'll get fired and you'll get
put in timeout. So he goes, all right. Tell you
what. This is what Ozzy says. I'll meet you in
the bathroom. So I go in the bathroom. I'm waiting.
All of a sudden, I hear the door open. He comes
into the stall right next to me. And I push a
Kirin, which is a beer. It's a Japanese beer
underneath the stall. I hear it go and open the
can. Then glug, glug, glug. He downs one. Then
I put down one. Then he downs one. Then I down
one. We're like a couple of naughty school kids.
It was hilarious. Isn't that awesome? Yeah, because
Sharon had a hell of a time keeping Ozzy under
corral because I'm going to read some more stories
like Brad Gillis had some great stories. I love
how he said that Ozzy would be grounded. I know.
Yes. And he would be fired because I guess Sharon
said, if you let my husband drink because you
drink, you're fired. So he's like, man, dude,
you're going to get me fired. Come on now. You'll
get put in timeout. Let's thank this. So they
went into the shitter and they shared the beer.
I love that. That is sticking to your guns. That
is ingenuity. That is finding a way through your
problem, right? Yep. It's like, I can't drink
because of the wife. You know what? I'm going
to find a way to do it. And he did it. So, Ozzy,
love you. Great idea. Sounds like it worked.
Let's take our second break and come right back.
Sounds good. All right. Sounds good. Yes, it's
true. Mark is an old bastard. It's also true
that Mark uses a lot of ibuprofen. But Mark would
like to tell you, if you see any pictures of
him proofing ibuprofen, It's obviously fake,
and you're to take the pictures and tear them
up immediately. Next up, things overheard in
hell. Hurry up. Kim Jong -un is playing Santa
at the mall again this year. Yay! Once again,
it's time for Ramblings of a Madman. I believe
Congress needs to synchronize tap dance for 20
minutes. Before each session. That needs to happen.
Oh shit. What's that over there? Oh no. It's
the island of horrible jokes. A panic stricken
man explained to his doctor. You have to help
me. I'm shrinking. The doctor said I will. You
have to be a little patient. This is a voice
guide from your favorite podcast, Two Douchebags
and a Microphone. People often ask us how they
can find us when doing a remote broadcast. One,
smell. Go to the city market and start sniffing.
Our aroma has been described as a mixture of
flea powder for goats, Tabasco sauce, and old
sock with dark fuzzy urine. Two, look for the
spot absent of patrons. Three, the most telling
sign is a crowd of patrons vomiting uncontrollably.
4. Just call us at 816 -512 -7717. Your mama's
so stupid, she thought lightsabers were less
calories. Introducing Rob Rad's new book, How
to Track Your Enemy by Scent. That's right, smell
your enemy before they get you. Order this gem
now and get a free virtual tour of Rob's secret
bunker in Camderton, Missouri. Also receive a
free copy of his new book, How to Clean Raw Sewage
for Food. Have you ever wondered what something
came about? Have you ever looked at something
and said, Hey, I wonder what the origin of that
is? Well, so have we. That's why we give you
The Origin Of. This is the origin of eyeliner.
Eyeliner originated in ancient Egypt and it's
been used for thousands of years across cultures
and chad young men from nomadic clans wore kohl
eyeliner to attract wives. Indian Katali. Dancers
wore kajal to tell stories through their eyes.
In Iran, women use eyeliner as a symbol of resistance.
Please remember to go to Cole's dressing room,
wait five minutes, and scream, Hey, there's no
toilet paper in here! Now it's time for Pick
Up Lines from a Loser. Are you a banana? You
look appealing. Hello and welcome to Two Deuce
Bags and Microphone. This is the Kansas City
Chapter and my name is Mark. And I am Rob at
the beautiful Niagara. That's right, it is. Rob,
we turn to you. the decade. Thanks to two separate
teams, one in Austria and one in Texas, the idea
of de -extinction is no longer science fiction.
Their bold mission to revive the dodo isn't just
a flashy headline. It's a sign of what may be
the next great shift in conversation, bringing
back what was lost. At the Institute of Science
and Technology, Austria, Evolutionary biologists
have successfully inserted synthesized dodo DNA
into a chicken egg, resulting in what could be
the first dodo embryo in over 300 years. It's
a moment that rewrites our relationship with
extinction. Wow. into a living chicken egg. The
process involved using advanced mathematical
models, artificial intelligence, and protein
tracking, drawing inspiration from everything
from black hole physics to gene regulatory networks.
Speaking about the dodo, Professor Barton said
there's always been a lot of mystery around what
kind of bird the dodo really was and how it lived.
Pretty undisturbed life until humans showed up
and quite literally deep fried the species into
extinction in the late 1600s. Wow. The dodo bird,
wasn't it the one that was described as or they
thought of as like a dumb bird that just kind
of loafed around and was clumsy? Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Like it's dazed, you know. Yeah, yeah.
So now they're going to find out what the birds
really like, it sounds like. They're going to
try to, yeah. That would be so interesting. Which,
you know what's next. I know, okay, and that's
what I was going to get at too, Rob, thank you.
Okay. You think they're playing God too much?
Yeah, because I can see dress. I already see
AI being Terminator and something like this,
I can see Jurassic Park. Yeah. Look, as cool
as it sounds to revisit the dodo, how far is
this going to go? And let's say it's outlawed
over here. We can't outlaw everywhere. We're
not everywhere. It could go to some small country
in the middle of nowhere and they could all go
there where it's perfectly legal and... bring
someone back reanimated style this is scary and
then that would not have a soul so then you're
going into what would this be like because obviously
the DNA and the body wouldn't be the person the
person is the soul right hmm zombies maybe Yeah,
it's kind of scary. That's all I've got to say.
I mean, look, I really do think that they do
play God a little bit too much, and I think it
leads to bad things. So, in my opinion, there's
only one God, and you don't try to act like him
or nothing. Everything like that is blasphemy,
and it leads to bad things. So, anyhow, you can
believe whatever you want. It doesn't matter
to me, but that's what I think. So, I have a
new Jeffy X list. Oh, were you done? Okay. Yeah,
yeah, that's all I have on. Okay. All right.
Well, I have a new Jeffy X list, and this came
about because I read an article where they had
these children's caps. They're like, oh, I don't
know, like a ski cap or something for infants,
and they lit up, and it scared the shit out of
the children. And it scared them so bad that
they had to can the whole thing. And it was one
of the toy company makers, I forgot, the ones
that make clothes and everything. And I forgot
the name. You can look it up. But anyhow, it
scared the shit out of the kids so bad that it
only lasted like three days in testing. And then
they got rid of all of it. They said, no, this
is not going to work. I don't know what the lights
look like. I don't know anything. But evidently,
it just scared the piss out of the children.
So Jeffy X has come up with a list of things
like that that didn't work. like that to a focus
panel or to testing and they decided that it
wasn't working and so they got scrapped. So Jeffy
X is our guy on the inside. He goes in there
snooping and being a sleuth and he finds these
stuff and he brings them to us before they catch
him. Now Jeffy X is very sly but about a year
ago Rob was nice enough because of Jeffy X and
all the lists that he gave us risking his life
to Give him a flying bat suit. A Sgt. Peppers
outfit, as in the white outfit that the Beatles
wore on Sgt. Peppers. And a special underwear
that has an X on the front of it and Jeffy embroidered
on the back of it. And it even has a Steven Pearcy
pouch on the front of it to where he could stuff
a couple of socks. But we're pretty sure Jeffy
X doesn't need them, don't we? Aren't we pretty
sure about that, Rob? But just in case you want
a little added, you know bonus down there He
does have that Steven Pearcy of the of the glam
band rats Supposedly used to have a pouch on
the inside of the spandex That he throw a couple
of socks in to look a little bit better to females
and maybe some gay males Well, Rob took that
fashion and he said, you know, I'm gonna do this
for Jeffy X. I'm sure he doesn't need it but
Jeffy X has been wearing the Sgt. Pepper's outfit.
He's a huge Beatles fan. He hasn't taken it off
in over a year. It's black now. And, Rob, how
are you coming on the new Sgt. Pepper's outfit
you're going to make him? A little slower than
I'd like to be. I've been, like you mentioned,
we've been busy lately. Well, I think he's getting
closer. Oh, sorry. This week, it looks a little...
I think my schedule's opened up quite a bit.
Okay, good. I should be able to get some more
work done on it. Good, because he's in dire need.
I think he's about getting busted because he
walks in there with this black suit on that used
to be white and smelling horrible, but he loves
that outfit so much he refuses to take it off.
Matter of fact, when he puts on his flying bat
suit at night, he leaves the suit on and he puts
the bat suit over it. So, anyhow. Jeffy X gave
us this list of items and products that didn't
work. So the first one were habanero infused
butt plugs. Didn't work. I can see a slight problem
with that. You think? The habanero pepper? Yeah,
you know, I guess so. It probably would probably
sting, burn. Okay. Okay. All right. If burn's
coming out, why wouldn't it burn going in? Good
point. Good point. So the hot narrow infused
butt plugs is a no -go. It failed all the panels.
The next one was 989 The Rock's All Music Mornings.
Flopped. Can you believe that? Yeah, I can believe
it. Me too. Oh, the next one that flopped is
a Tommy Lee bath and wash kit. Yeah. Yeah, I
believe that. I 100 % believe that. And while
we're on Motley Crue, oh, what did you say? And
while we're on the middle of that, while we're
on Motley. Nikki Sixx book on how to make friends.
Can you believe that didn't go over? I don't
believe that. I know, I know. Nikki Sixx, you
know, just winning people over left and right.
Making people happy. Just everyone joy around
him. Can't believe it. Somehow, someway, it just
didn't get past the focus panels. I have no excuse
for the people that denied it. I have no excuse.
So, the next one is... Ozzy Osbourne's gymnastics
video. Too soon? Too soon. Okay, sorry, sorry.
Look, you can't always hit it perfectly. You
weren't the one that came up with the idea. That's
right. I'm just reporting it. I had nothing to
do with that. Thank you, Rob. The next one, now
this kind of hurts, Rob. Mark's book on handyman
repair. Oh, come on. I know, I know. I mean,
a couple of separated shoulders. I mean, yeah,
big deal. Everybody gets a separated shoulder,
right? You actually have some pretty good kitchen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah,
you know, like don't put all your weight on a
sledgehammer on a shed that's getting ready to
fall in anyhow. Don't do that because, you know,
it'll break through. That's very good information.
yeah yeah and you'll fall on you know the shoulder
that you already heard a couple of times so yeah
yeah you know um who else would report to you
that i it was my own experience but you know
what they don't like it okay uh the next one
that failed was uh blanket pardons from joe biden
seems so failed too soon Imagine that. Too soon.
Imagine that. Oh, this next one I love. And finally,
Gene Simmons training video on weight loss plans.
Honestly, I can see eye to eye with that one.
Yes, I can too. I know why no one would buy that.
Rob. Jeffy X, we thank you. And by the way, I'm
a simple man. I gave Jeffy X $2 ,500 to either
spend on blowing hookers or buy something for
his mom. I let it be his decision. So Rob, he's
into like doing stuff for him, like, you know,
embroidering in pants, you know, underwear and
bat suits and stuff like that. Me, I just give
him the cash and say whatever. So, Jeffy X, thank
you. We hope you don't get caught with that suit.
You smell horrible, and everyone knows you wear
it now. So, Rob, we turn to you. A woman who
holds the title for having the world's longest
tongue has once again grabbed attention for its
unusual use. Chanel Topper, 34, who has held
the Guinness World Record for the longest tongue,
female. since 2010, said her tongue, which measures
3 .8 inches from the tip of her lips, is great
for playing Jenga. Understandably, her tongue,
which wouldn't look out of place in a kiss tribute
act, is an array of reactions from onlookers.
In the latest revelation, has bewildered many
of Chanel's tongue engaging in the popular family
game on recent social media videos. In the above
video by Guinness World Records, Chanel showed
off some of the tricks she can perform with her
massive mouth muscle, including removing jingle
blocks. Honestly, the best reaction I could ever
get when someone sees my tongue is screaming.
I actually do like when people yell or scream
in shock or horror sometimes. She told Guinness
World Records. But that's probably my favorite
one because it's funny to me because it's a dramatic
response. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, and Chanel
showed off some of the other tricks she has learned.
to perform with the tongue including flipping
plastic cups and holding a spoon wow i wonder
how much money she made a lot a lot um the talent's
there isn't it yes yeah go on go on america's
got talent Hell yeah, yeah, they'd love to have
you. That's right up their alley, isn't it? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Rob. You're welcome. Okay.
A freaked out influencer discovers a website
is selling life -size cardboard cutouts of her.
It's weird and scary, according to the influencer.
All right, they say that imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery or stealing, but this woman
isn't so sure. A New York City influencer has
revealed the unexpected repercussions that accompany
content creation. Cardboard cutouts of her images
being sold online. Now, Rob, what would you think
we would do if we saw two douchebags' cardboard
cutouts being sold online? We'd probably love
it, wouldn't we? We'd be like, yeah, keep the
money. Oh, I would. Yeah, I would. Yeah, me too.
I'd order a couple for myself. Me too. That'd
look great here in the Talk is Cheap studio.
They would make awesome Christmas gifts. Yes,
they would, yep. Yeah, and I mean, we'll even
sign them for you too. Whoever's making these,
send them to us. We'll sign them, and then we'll
send them to whoever you're selling them to.
So there you go. Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah, I'd sign
it might even pose with him You know like which
one's the real mark, you know, which one's the
real Rob Yeah, I mean if we wore the same clothes
and everything it'd be pretty cool All right.
So when I decided to make videos on the internet,
this is the last thing I thought would happen
Kelsey Kotzer 31 said in a video posted on tik
-tok last fall The Brooklyn resident discovered
that an unknown stranger was creating life -size
flat figurines of her likeness, seemingly pulling
images that caught her off of the internet to
turn into cardboard cutouts. But this week, she
was alerted that the new variations had been
added, with the life -size versions going for
nearly $80. Not bad. I would be pleased. Wouldn't
you feel pretty good if you went for $80 online?
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I mean, if they paid
$10 for me, I'd feel pretty good about it. But
$80? I think she's doing all right. The products
appear to be originating from the site Celebrity
Cutouts, which sells an array of cardboard cutouts
of A -list actors, models, political figures,
and yes, even influencers. Cutouts of other internet
personalities listed for sale include New York
City creator Serena Carrington and the brothers
Jake and Logan Paul. So, yeah, there you go.
She's in that company. I think that's pretty
good. Yeah. Kotzer previously discovered the
cutouts sold on Walmart's website. They have
since disappeared. But they're also available
on eBay and Amazon. The New York Post, who published
this article, has contacted Kotzer for celebrity
cutouts, but she did not return any messages
as of the last time I checked. So, I'd be happy
to get $5 out of my cutout. What about you? Oh,
yeah, I'd be real happy with $5. Oh, $80? I'd
be tickled pink. I'd be like, oh, my God. Oh,
man, that'd be hell. People would spend $80 on
a picture of me, life -size? Oh, man, I'd be
jumping for joy. So, yeah, Rob, you got something
else you want to go into? Yeah, I do. All righty,
that's good. Italian -American brand Prego just
announced a launch of five delicious new pasta
sauces. Cheese lovers will go nuts for it. Okay.
The new sauces are part of the Prego Creamy Tomato
Sauces and Prego Cheese Sauces lineup. Perfect
for making sauce dips. or even just for drizzling
on food. Made with real ingredients, including
fresh cream and cheddar cheese, these versatile
sauces can be used to create a variety of family
-friendly recipes. Make mac and cheese in just
10 minutes with only two ingredients. It's even
easier than the box version and better quality,
too, the company says. And here is a list. Of
the five new flavors. Okay. Prego creamy cheddar
cheese sauce. Sounds good to me. Prego cheesy
bacon cheddar cheese sauce. That sounds good.
That sounds better. Prego creamy tomato sauce
with ricotta cheese. Mm -hmm. Prego creamy tomato
sauce with garlic. Gotta have that. Yes, that's
a must. And finally, Prego spicy vodka sauce.
Oh, nice. They're entering that realm. Good.
Yes. Because I have the one vodka sauce that
I go to around here, and that is, I think it
is, not Cascone's, I think it might be Garozzo's.
They have a spicy vodka sauce. I believe it's
Grozo's. If not, I think it's Cascone's. But
one of those two has a spicy vodka sauce that's
out of this world. Oh, that's good. Because spicy
vodka sauces are usually great, aren't they?
Yeah. Yep. I can't wait. Prego has good stuff.
I mean, it's not like it's bad. I mean, it's
not like traditional Italian stuff. But man,
I didn't... Yeah, for like quick, easy nights.
you know i mean and also for like three bucks
a jar you can't beat that yeah you know the specialty
stuff is like seven eight dollars something like
that you know so cool i'm glad they're doing
it um rob you and i are both rainbow fans right
yeah well i got a richie blackmore update so
He doesn't do a lot of concerts anymore. So here
is the reason his wife, Candace Knight, spoke
out and gave an interview. She said that Richie
Blackmore suffered a heart attack about a year
and a half ago. He's got six stents. Yeah, I
didn't know this. He's got six stents, his wife
says. Candice Knight, who has been married to
Richie Blackmore for 17 years, but has been together
with the legendary Deep Purple and Rainbow guitarist
for 36 years, spoke to Don Osborne of Total Rock
about the possibility of Richie returning to
Europe in the not -too -distant future for live
shows with their long -running project, Blackmore's
Night. She said, as transcribed by Blabbermouth
.net, suddenly I can't talk. Big stretch there.
As far as flying anywhere right now, Richie has
actually been told by his cardiologist not to
get in a plane. He's had a heart attack about
a year and a half ago. He's got six stents. And
I can't believe he's going to be 80 April 14th,
which is crazy. But he doesn't look it, still
doesn't act it. But eventually medical things
wind up catching up with you. So we've got to
make sure we keep him happy and healthy. And
he's dealing with gout and some arthritic things.
And of course, his back has always been an issue
for years. So it's getting harder for him. It's
tricky. But hey, I've seen people younger than
him in wheelchairs on stage doing what they do.
So I think he probably doesn't want people to
see him that way. I see other perspectives. From
a fan's perspective, I would think people would
just be happy to be under the same roof with
him and listen to him play. Whenever he comes
up. So we kind of have this discussion. Or argument.
I'll say discussion all the time. But he was
just recently at his cardiologist. And they said.
Let's put traveling by plane on hold. So hopefully
we'll get that all straightened out. And it'll
change. But I'll tell you guys. I'll let you
know if it does change. Okay. Then this makes
sense now. He only plays. a couple of shows in
the last few years. He's only played a couple
of shows a year, and they've all been in New
Jersey. He must live somewhere around there,
like New York or New Jersey or something. And
he played a show a couple of months ago. And
the reason is because I would love to go see
Blackmore's Night just to see Richie Blackmore
because I've never had that chance, right? So
every time I've seen Purple, they didn't have
Blackmore with them. And I never seen Rainbow,
who I really wanted to see. So I check his website
regularly for shows, and it seems like the last
three years, he's only been playing a couple
of shows in New Jersey or close to. So I would
think that he lives somewhere in the Northeast,
and that's why he doesn't go to Europe to play
shows, is he can't get on a plane right now,
according to his cardiologist. But you know what,
Richie? Your health comes first. And if we don't
get to hear you live, that's the way it is. We
just want you to be healthy. And thanks for your
music. I mean, you know, I listen to it daily.
So we wish you health and love and happiness
and all of that, Richie. We hope you get better
and heal and live another 50 years. So, hey,
Rob, you got something? The last time to chant
Goldberg, Goldberg, Goldberg is upon us. Oh,
no. As Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer
Newsletter noted that Bill Goldberg is currently
training for his impending retirement match,
which is set to happen sometime this year. According
to the report, the former WCW slash WWE World
Heavyweight Champion is shaking off the ring
rest, if any. and training with the Bon Erics,
Ross, Marshall, and Kevin. Is that the same Kevin
that's been around the whole time? Wow. Yes.
Okay. The former K -1 kickboxing star Tyrone
Spong. It's interesting to note that Goldberg
and Kevin both moved to and currently reside
in Bourne, Texas. for similar reasons unrelated
to wrestling. Goldberg's son and Kevin's grandson
are participating in the city's high school football
opportunities. Based on projections, the timeline
for when fans might see Goldberg return to the
ring could be as early as August at SummerSlam.
Speculation remains consistent that the Hall
of Famer's final opponent, will be the current
WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Gunther. As these
two went from butting heads to almost extending
blows before security intervened at the last
October's Bad Blood. The last time Goldberg appeared
as an in -ring competitor was at the 2022 Elimination
Chamber, where he challenged Roman Reigns for
his Universal Championship. The match concluded
after six minutes with Reigns retaining the title
based on the referee's decision. Do you know
how old Kevin Von Erich is now? He'd have to
be pushing 70. He's been around forever. And
Goldberg's no spring chicken either. Wow. Yeah,
I find it incredible that he's still in the wrestling
realm at all. Have you seen a picture of him?
Does he look good? Cool. Good. Yeah, yeah. Go
ahead. Well, yeah, he's 67. I mean, look at Hulk.
Hulk Hogan looks like a bag of fried shit. And
I don't like the guy anyhow. But Kevin Von Erich,
he's one of the original Von Erichs. One of the
original ones. Isn't that amazing he's still
around? I mean, all the rest of them, I'm not
kidding you, all the rest of them are dead. One
way or another. Ross and Marshall are in wrestling
now, and I can't remember what promotion they're.
Oh. He's, if I remember right, he's there with
them, kind of like their sidekick. Oh, like their
sidekick. Okay. Yeah. Hmm. Or manager or whatever,
you know what I mean? Yeah. Okay, kind of like
a Jimmy Hort kind of guy or something. You know,
running around. Yeah. Grabbing the chair. Kevin
would be a lot worse. Yes. He would hurt you.
Yeah, that guy could actually hurt you, not like
Jimmy Hart, you know. Yeah, Jimmy Hart's the
weasel that always grabbed the chair and smacked
the opponent over the head while the referee
was distracted by someone else. Yeah, it was
amazing how they got away with that all the time.
Exactly. Yeah. Wow, you'd almost think it was
scripted. Wow. But we know better than that.
Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah. I got a little
something to add here. Rob, have you ever watched
the documentary on the Fyre Festival, F -Y -R
-E Festival? No, I have not. It was a big scam.
Several years ago, probably about 10 or 12 years
ago now, a guy invented a festival on a remote
island. It's going to have all these bands there
and everything. So he had people come there,
pay all this money for the tickets, pay to camp
there, pay to all this stuff there. And it never
existed. And then the crater took off and the
people are pretty much stranded there. A lot
of them didn't have any money, nothing. And he
took off with a bag of loot. He went to prison.
Well, he's back out now, it appears. And Mexican
officials deny, but everyone is saying that would
know. saying that there's a Fyre Festival 2 that's
going to be happening in Playa de Carmen, Mexico.
If you're that dumb, I think you deserve to get
your money stolen. Your thoughts? Yep. Yeah,
I mean, the guy had done some other stuff, too.
He's a proven shyster. Anything that he said,
I would not believe. Anything that he did, I
would stay as far away from it as I could. But
they say that there's a lot of interest in it.
They had all these hits on it, the people looking
at it, wanting to go there, information and all
that stuff. Why in the world? But you know what?
I mean, look. I mean, you walk outside your door
and you see these people walking and they don't
look like the brightest. Those are the people
buying the tickets. Anyhow. Well, you want to
cut this shit show down, or you got something?
Oh, I got one more for out there. Right. Troy
Landry and Pickle Wheat, stars of History Channel's
Swamp People, made a shocking discovery deep
in Louisiana Bayou. Okay. While filming an episode
of Swamp Mysteries with Troy Landry. The gator
hunting duo stumbled upon human remains believed
to be thousands of years old. The find occurred
during Season 3, Episode 6, titled Buried Secrets.
The episode followed their search for evidence
of a lost Native American civilization in the
swamp. Landry, known as the King of the Swamp,
was visibly shaken by the discovery, which started
as a... Historical investigation quickly turned
into one of the show's most unexpected moments.
The find could have significant implications
for understanding the region's early inhabitants
and their burial practices. Hmm. Yeah. Neat.
Huh. At first they thought it was pottery, and
Troy said, that's not pottery, that's a skull,
that's a jawbone. Wow. So they have DNA in that.
They have totally white teeth. Huh. Whatever
they ate didn't decay their teeth, I guess. They
didn't have sugar cane, I guess. Wow. Or citric
acid or some of the stuff that tears our teeth
up. Interesting. So they have DNA. So we talked
earlier about the dodo bird. Maybe being reanimated.
What about this guy? Yeah. It is a slippery slope
that I'm afraid that we're going to have to address
because people are going to be doing it. So we
shall see. Anyhow, that's all I got, Rob. You
got anything else? That's all I have for tonight.
Alrighty. Thank you all for listening. Have a
good night, assholes. Good night, assholes. Oh,
no. Looks like the show's over, kids. Mark has
explosive diarrhea and can't afford a wireless
mic. Fear not, assholes. They'll be back invading
your ear holes soon.